52 Weeks Towards Divine Femininity

PrissiSippi said:
Out of all people the person who should know how to best comfort my child is me.

Out of all people the person who should best serve guests in my house is me.

Ro’s Thoughts towards this is that men love a very nurturing mother. They love to see nurturing women. When strangers rushed to my rescue to take my child like they knew how to comfort him better than me (and the fact he is not a newborn and I am not a just induced first time mom) lol it looks off putting. If anyone should know DS it should be me. If anyone could calm him down it should be his parents and more specifically me. Next time I’ll be better prepared.
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To add, I think it looks off putting to other women as well... like as a mom, you don't know how to handle your child.

ETA: Not saying that YOU don't know... but that from one woman viewing another woman...
 
Zaynab said:
I know it's tough having small children, I cannot imagine how tired you are. Do small things like you said, don't try to do too many things. As far as the table manners, can you have your older children help set the table? If you have boys (and girls ( maybe teach them to pull their sisters chairs out when they sit down. Just please pass, etc are small things you can do even if they are little. It is hard but everything children Learn, they learn at home.

DH leaves for work at all kinds of crazy hours. I always get up to at least have a conversation and share a cup of coffee with him before he leaves. I wouldn't at all suggest this if you're working with a small baby. What about leaving him notes? On his toothbrush, coffee cup etc? I'm big into notes. When dh comes home from work, I have a door chalkboard sign that hangs on the garage door, like welcome home, etc. There are very small things you can incorporate.

As a mother with older children, I'm hanging dearly on to every moment I have left. It's hard when they're little and so needy, but if there's anything I'll tell young moms is, you'll yearn for the hugs one day. When my boys were little, I would warm their covers up in the dryer (I still do this when they let me) and then get them out and go jump in their beds and cuddle with them. They looked forward to it every night. Every morning instead of being rushed (very hard I know) try to be efficient with getting everyone out the door but make sure you're giving loving words so they'll start their days off great. More notes, stick some in your kids lunches, remember to say I love you and have a great day.
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I love the idea of notes! I would just have to find a place where he'd see it. It sounds like it would be obvious, but once I bc'd from short hair down to down to half an inch and he didn't notice for a day. It was a noticable cut. :look: I often complain that someone could come into our house and rob us and unless they take his computer he wouldn't notice.

He's been coming to give me goodbye kisses before he leaves before work (I can't remember what work I had to put in to get that habit started), but after he does this and goes downstairs to get ready, I get out of bed to say goodbye before he leaves. I think he likes it. I've been trying to meet him at the door as well. I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it yesterday -- my hands were dirty cause I was cooking -- but I ran to the door to greet him. I think he likes that, too. I don't think he's used to having anyone (especially in his family) make him feel special so he's resistant of the attention. (Plus he has no brought-upsy cause his people don't, so I have to go slow or it gets rejected.)

I've had to talk stern to the boys a few times, but for the most part, I've been slowing things down and speaking calmer to them. The change in the last 4(?) days has been great for me. It could just be my own shift in outlook, but they seem to be calmer and responding better to my requests. I've noticed that the older one who was starting to act like a teen has started acting like a kid again and is doing things so that he can get more hugs and kisses as rewards. I've been re-enforcing the good behaviour with hugs, kisses, and praise.

Last week, I also finished the first of 4 seasonal meal plans. A friend turned me on to meal planning a few years ago. The way that she explained to do it -- which is the way that I now do it -- is that you make a meal plan for 4 weeks (1 month). Week 5 of the year follows week 1 of the meal plan and so on and you do this for three months. So essentially you have one for each season. I try to vary the meals for the seasons as well, so that the heavier or hto foods like stews and soups would be made in the winter and the lighter foods would be made in summer. This week so far has been so easy since I didn't have to think about what to make. I also designed it that the days that I have to take the boys out for their after school activities, I have the easiest meals to make. I'm not always consistent with making the meal plans but when I get them done I save on time and we save money on groceries (not buying things that we don't need.)

I made the effort to make my bed this morning -- and all of the other beds. I'm too old to have someone tell me to make my bed, but I don't always do it. The room looks so much better when I do it. Now I just have to get better at putting my clothes away. :cry3:
 
snoop said:
I love the idea of notes! I would just have to find a place where he'd see it. It sounds like it would be obvious, but once I bc'd from short hair down to down to half an inch and he didn't notice for a day. It was a noticable cut. :look: I often complain that someone could come into our house and rob us and unless they take his computer he wouldn't notice.

He's been coming to give me goodbye kisses before he leaves before work (I can't remember what work I had to put in to get that habit started), but after he does this and goes downstairs to get ready, I get out of bed to say goodbye before he leaves. I think he likes it. I've been trying to meet him at the door as well. I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it yesterday -- my hands were dirty cause I was cooking -- but I ran to the door to greet him. I think he likes that, too. I don't think he's used to having anyone (especially in his family) make him feel special so he's resistant of the attention. (Plus he has no brought-upsy cause his people don't, so I have to go slow or it gets rejected.)

I've had to talk stern to the boys a few times, but for the most part, I've been slowing things down and speaking calmer to them. The change in the last 4(?) days has been great for me. It could just be my own shift in outlook, but they seem to be calmer and responding better to my requests. I've noticed that the older one who was starting to act like a teen has started acting like a kid again and is doing things so that he can get more hugs and kisses as rewards. I've been re-enforcing the good behaviour with hugs, kisses, and praise.

Last week, I also finished the first of 4 seasonal meal plans. A friend turned me on to meal planning a few years ago. The way that she explained to do it -- which is the way that I now do it -- is that you make a meal plan for 4 weeks (1 month). Week 5 of the year follows week 1 of the meal plan and so on and you do this for three months. So essentially you have one for each season. I try to vary the meals for the seasons as well, so that the heavier or hto foods like stews and soups would be made in the winter and the lighter foods would be made in summer. This week so far has been so easy since I didn't have to think about what to make. I also designed it that the days that I have to take the boys out for their after school activities, I have the easiest meals to make. I'm not always consistent with making the meal plans but when I get them done I save on time and we save money on groceries (not buying things that we don't need.)

I made the effort to make my bed this morning -- and all of the other beds. I'm too old to have someone tell me to make my bed, but I don't always do it. The room looks so much better when I do it. Now I just have to get better at putting my clothes away. :cry3:
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Good good, baby steps.

Can you teach your older boys to make their beds? It doesn't have to be perfect, the point is, they're doing it. Mine have been making their beds since they were about 4. It was messy but still the effort.
 
Zaynab said:
Good good, baby steps.

Can you teach your older boys to make their beds? It doesn't have to be perfect, the point is, they're doing it. Mine have been making their beds since they were about 4. It was messy but still the effort.
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I get them to do it every once in a while, but we need to be out of the door by about 7.40am to get the first guy off to school. So between getting up, dressed, eating, and making lunch and them taking FOREVER to put snow clothes on... we don't have much time for beds...

I do get them to set the table and am now working on getting them to clear the table and stack the dishwasher.
 
snoop said:
To add, I think it looks off putting to other women as well... like as a mom, you don't know how to handle your child.

ETA: Not saying that YOU don't know... but that from one woman viewing another woman...
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I feel like this too. Like poor thing. She can’t control him at all! Lol and this is not the case but because of my size, skipping nap time, and him being in a new environment it was just too much for both of us.

I will wear him out next time before he goes and hopefully he gets tired before we go.

Ima also get a bowling shirt made for DH. Or maybe I’ll get shirts for me and DS that say something about Daddy. But I’d rather dress cute :look: than wear a frumpy T-shirt lol
 
I’m setting my table for dinner tomorrow. It’s just us two so idk if I wanna sit at the end of the table or beside him. What do you all think? Do you sit on either end if it’s just the two of you? Or near each other?
This is the table with have in our kitchen. We have bench seating and upholstered chairs at each end

Or maybe I’ll set the dining room table. Hmmm
 

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Brwnbeauti said:
I’m setting my table for dinner tomorrow. It’s just us two so idk if I wanna sit at the end of the table or beside him. What do you all think? Do you sit on either end if it’s just the two of you? Or near each other?
This is the table with have in our kitchen. We have bench seating and upholstered chairs at each end

Or maybe I’ll set the dining room table. Hmmm
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My boyfriend and I always sit side by side, all the time.

Love those dishes and that table too.
 
I’d like to join this challenge ❤️

I’ve taken WS and enrolled in the RoR mentoring for a while but have since stopped. I agree with most of her teachings and intend to continue the ones that work best for our family.

Anywho, my goals for this challenge are
1. To dress more feminine. I tend to prefer darker colors so i need to brighten up and not wear jeans as much.
2. Not associate with women I don’t want to be like. Bad habits rub off.
3. Be less critical of myself and others. My tongue is sharp.
4. Continue the respectful, nurturing tone that’s been established in our home since I initially took WS. It’s really changed how we relate to each other. My husband and daughter appreciate it.
5. Build my passive income sources. My business is young and requires more time right now but I’m focusing on automating as much of it as possible. As it continues to grow, I’ll delegate responsibilities to others.

Accountability Parter… I have one other in my city who would be a good fit. I will invite her out to lunch.

I’ll review the challenges set so far and follow up. Thank you for starting this thread. It’s just what I needed.
 
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Week 2 Challenge
1. Invest in a planner
2. Plan out everything. Be intentional and deliberate. Be deliberate in your table service, femininity for yourself, and how you plan to set aside one on one time for your SO. How will you dress this week? How will you be compassionate this week?

I might be late but our spirits were in line!

Sunday before last, DD and I started planning for an hour or two. We decorated it with washi tape and cute stickers. Afterwards, we plotted out our week. I have 3 and she has 1. I’m going to add outfits and gratitude challenges to my fitness and personal care happy planner this week. I track exercise and personal care routines in there now, but there’s room.

My homecare binder has my meal plans and place setting charts in it so I’ve got that covered.
 
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Week 3 Challenge
Tune in to your bedroom. Look at it as if it were a hotel. Would you actually want to stay there? Is it calming? Is it relaxing? Can you retreat to this space and not feel pressured to do anything but be?

My bedroom is usually clean but not very cute. Maybe I’ll add some candles, flowers and prettier pillows.
 
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner
Week 2: Print or Buy a planner. Make sure you write down and plan to do things that encompass your femininity. How many times will you cook for your family so they can practice dinner etiquette? How many minutes will you hold each child a day (10-15 minutes?) How will you polish your femininity EACH day, how will you spend one on one time with your spouse each day? Have you made time to go out with a female this week to talk girl talk? Make a plan, be intentional, and write it down.
Week 3: Be more present- Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be a phone zombie. Practice makes permanent. Constantly work on cultivating your femininity by being very present with DH, SO, your children, and friends. Choose human interactions vs social media interactions this week.
Week 4: Acceptance​

Week 4 Challenge: Acceptance​

Accept Him as He Is

Accepting him as he is means that you accept all his habits, his weaknesses, his dreams, or lack of them, and his beliefs. You accept him as another human being, part good, and part bad, just like yourself.

We women try and change our husbands. But they don’t change. It’s a very common fault with us women.

Why you must not try and change your husband? Trying to force a man to change always creates problems; it just doesn’t work with men. A man may give into our persistence just to keep the peace, but he hasn’t really changed, not inside. And we pay a high price for having things our way. He becomes resentful and cool, and withdraws much of his love.

Why is this so? Because by trying to change and improve our husband, we are telling him that we are not satisfied with him as he is. His sensitive male pride is wounded.

He knows his weaknesses. But he needs you to admire his strengths, not draw attention to his weaknesses. Your husband needs your admiration like you need his love.




Now this one is hard. You can plate all the food you want, eat on white plates, clean the house, do laundry, attend his job functions, talk to him til he is blue in the face, but until you fully accept him you cannot unlock the wonders of what your relationship could be. In what ways do you need to practice acceptance? Remember especially in areas that he needs growth, compassion is required. By accepting him what are some things that need to happen?

Mothering vs Nurturing
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Nurturing is done with love, wisdom, care, and discipline.
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1. Some men welcome and ask for even public babying. Ignore them. Don’t fix their tie because it is crooked. Don’t cut their food up. Don’t pull out their chair. Don’t brag about how you picked out their clothes because they can’t do it themselves. Don’t publically brag that they are your 3rd child. They’re your man not your baby. When in doubt…. keep it to yourself. Put it in your feminine mystique toolbox.
2. Stay in the submissive role and this takes care of most mothering mistakes. LET HIM help you. LET HIM save you.
3. Specifically keep your mouth submissive, as most mistakes are made with the mouth.
4. Never tell him what to do like you are his mother. Instead ALWAYS turn what you would like him to do into a question. Let’s say you’re riding in the car, you’re hungry, and you want food. Instead of saying, “I want food let’s go to Chik fil a” frame it into a question. “I am soooo hungry honey. Are you hungry as well? Can we go to Chik fil A….please?” Would you like the lights on or off? May I please turn the lights on darling? Ask for permission to do many things, just to remind you both of your roles. Let’s say he wants to drop you off at the door after a date. You don’t say, “No, it’s fine you can just leave.” To show your disdain about something else (let’s say you want him to stay longer). That’s still you telling him what to do. Instead….LET HIM LEAD….let that man drop you off at the door. Thank him for it…then in your sweet voice say, “Oh I was hoping that you would stay a little longer” *puppy dog eyes*
5. Be especially careful with never telling him to do anything, including eat his vegetables or pick up his socks. Accept him for who he is right now. Not what you want him to be.
6. Be sure not to pat your husband’s head, like he’s a child, in private or public.
7. Be sure to not wipe your husband’s face, fix his tie, or anything similarly babying, when in public.
8. Be sure not to correct your husband publicly. If he says 2 plus 2 is four….let it equal four….for now. Privately address it…later. Private is the best way.
9. Be sure to consistently study masculinity to understand your husband’s heart, mind & instincts.
10. Allow him to make mistakes in his leadership. Stop trying to correct him to prevent him from making mistakes. Through his mistakes will his leadership grow. Let him make mistakes so he can grow as a man. Let him see the pain that it causes. Let him see the sadness that he causes you. Let him be a man and figure it out! Remember, men learn through disappointments.
11. Refrain from constantly reminding/nagging. If you have to ask your husband to do something again that you already asked him to do….act like you didn’t remind him the first time. Lie. Don’t get sassy….just say something like, “Oh I forgot to ask you the other day….do you think you could mow the grass soon?” Pretend like you have never asked him to do xyz.
12. Realize that he is not going to parent like you….and be okay with it. He’s not going to put the children in the tub with organic soap and feed them gluten free meals. He may take them to Chik fil A and wash all of them at the same time in the bathtub….BUT the task is done. If you have a problem with this….YOU do it. Don’t be a helicopter wife and mother him by telling him how he is not as good of a parent as you. You're going to have to step back, manage your anxiety, and let your partner take the reins.

Example: Why did you get the expensive paper towels. I always get the Great Value brand because they work just as good as the Viva. (Does it matter….no. Be happy he got the paper towels. Don’t be a control freak. Accept him)

Example: He can’t spend time with his friends except on weekends. “If that doesn’t work, I hide his car keys.” (He is not a child.)

Example: “Make a chore routine chart,” another advised. “Every day is something different after work, and then on Sundays, after some family time, allow him to play.”

You can’t control anyone but yourself. You can nurture your husband to greatness. You can give it time and let compassion and love change him. But YOU can’t change him by mothering other than increasing resentment. You have to accept him for who he is.
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It’s some stuff that I dm t truly accept.

1. He eats horribly. His idea of a gourmet meal is ramen noodles, Frosted Flakes, oil sausages, Vienna’s, red rose sausage, and fake ham.

For me this means letting him be. I buy his snacks. As unhealthy as they may be I want him to feel at peace at his home. In all honesty because I cook 3-4 times a week he doesn’t have a need for these things but if he does want them they are there. I stopped trying to control his dietary needs.

2. Him getting a haircut. He needs one consistently. All men I know get one. I don’t get him. But these days I just let it be. I turn the other cheek. His looks is not my problem. I tell him how good he looks with a haircut. I ignore the rest.

3. Losing weight. I rub his stomach these days. And say hey big guy on a loving way. He knows he could lose some weight. When I stopped badgering him, he actually lost some versus losing none as I continuously begged him too.

4. My DH does not drink. It’s quite embarrassing to me. I’ve tried to explain to him over and over again that he should just accept a drink and drink slowly when we are in a crowd. And I just may be right. But accepting him also means dropping the need to be right all the time. As for my son this will be a lesson I will tell him in private. And I will make sure he u understands the whys and what nots. As far as my husband...this is not my job. I used to say condescendingly....oh you know DH doesn’t drink. It was quite annoying to me. He doesn’t drink....not my problem. If he so chooses to drink a drink this is fine. But if he doesn’t...I had to drop my need for him to be like everyone else my urging him to try and conform. I offer him a drink these days. If he says no...I take it face value. If he says yes I pick out a drink I hope he will like and act as his supporter. Nothing more nothing less.

The more you pressure him, the more he resists changing.

I’m trying to encompass wabi sabi love in this process. I believe this challenge is the most important of them all.
 
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@Supervixen how are some ways you had to encompass wabi sabi love? How did u accept DH for himself. Was it hard for you to encompass the idea that “My husband is always right” said in my cute CW Keisha voice? What were your challenges or insight?
 
PrissiSippi said:
@Supervixen how are some ways you had to encompass wabi sabi love? How did u accept DH for himself. Was it hard for you to encompass the idea that “My husband is always right” said in my cute CW Keisha voice? What were your challenges or insight?
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My husband is from Detroit. He can get crunk and ready to fight at what (to me) is normal (granted disrespectful) things Chicagoans do. He's not a hot head though--he's the son of a Presbyterian minister, will give you the shirt off his back, super smart, straight laced and generally a good guy. But, as a former Detroit Sheriff, he firmly believes the only language everyone understands is violence. I may have slick comments for people, but I'm not going to fight anyone. I call police! Lol.

I'd be baffled, scared, and begging him to stop in public when he sees a situation as fighting time. One day I was enlightened--however my husband sees fit to handle another man, is how he does it. I don't know man code and who am I to tell a man how to be a man. So, now, as for getting crunk, my husband is ALWAYS right. If it's that time, it's that time. I either walk away, have a seat or femininely prepare for battle. One thing I do not tolerate is other women getting crunk with DH.

As for insight into my husband is always right--he is! He's brilliant--he married me--so, he's always right. Lol. Imo, there's no better way to groom a leader than to have devoted followers. A woman inspires leadership in her husband by maintaining his "rightness." In the world, I've literally had to use that phrase on a few people, one being is direct manager. Dude was trying to tell me DH could've handled something a different way and when I hit him with, "Oh. Really? My husband is always right. Even if you think he's wrong, he's right!" Dude was so thrown off, he just gave me this dazed grin. People like to see descention in families I'm realizing.
 
Supervixen said:
My husband is from Detroit. He can get crunk and ready to fight at what (to me) is normal (granted disrespectful) things Chicagoans do. He's not a hot head though--he's the son of a Presbyterian minister, will give you the shirt off his back, super smart, straight laced and generally a good guy. But, as a former Detroit Sheriff, he firmly believes the only language everyone understands is violence. I may have slick comments for people, but I'm not going to fight anyone. I call police! Lol.

I'd be baffled, scared, and begging him to stop in public when he sees a situation as fighting time. One day I was enlightened--however my husband sees fit to handle another man, is how he does it. I don't know man code and who am I to tell a man how to be a man. So, now, as for getting crunk, my husband is ALWAYS right. If it's that time, it's that time. I either walk away, have a seat or femininely prepare for battle. One thing I do not tolerate is other women getting crunk with DH.

As for insight into my husband is always right--he is! He's brilliant--he married me--so, he's always right. Lol. Imo, there's no better way to groom a leader than to have devoted followers. A woman inspires leadership in her husband by maintaining his "rightness." In the world, I've literally had to use that phrase on a few people, one being is direct manager. Dude was trying to tell me DH could've handled something a different way and when I hit him with, "Oh. Really? My husband is always right. Even if you think he's wrong, he's right!" Dude was so thrown off, he just gave me this dazed grin. People like to see descention in families I'm realizing.
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Yes it’s hard to accept that even though you would not handle something like xyz, someone else would...and if it’s your husband this is perfectly fine.

I sort of feel if you are unable to accept your spouse there might be pieces of yourself you are unable to accept as well. It starts with you. I’m taking time to meditate on parts of my life I may have not accepted.

Im learning the importance of family loyalty now. It really keeps you TOGETHER.
 
https://www.google.com/amp/s/mercur...tp://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id%3D1665

7 Ways to Accept Your Spouse Just As They Are
SHERRIE CAMPBELL, PH.D.
One of the biggest downfalls of marriage is the idea that our partner needs to be different or at least they need to change certain things to make us happier. After all, if they really loved us, they would change anything for us right? Well, no. Wanting your spouse to change is like asking a cat to bark. The glue to any successful marriage would be to accept your husband or wife as he/she is. Here are seven steps to acceptance:

1. Watch your expectations. When you start to get frustrated with your spouse check in with your thoughts. Is this something that your partner really needs to change for you, or can you change your expectation and meet whatever need is unfulfilled for yourself? Ask yourself why it is your partner�s job to always live according to your expectations.

2. Look for the positive. Negative thinking is much easier than positive thinking because it requires no effort. It is also very self-centered. When we are not accepting our spouse it is the result of seeing the negative in them. Instead of focusing on why someone is the way they are choose to focus on what is great about them. Whatever is not great about them for you, you will need to learn to fulfill within yourself.

3. Eliminate black and white thinking.Flexibility is the key ingredient to any lasting relationship. It is very easy to view the world in black and white with a right and wrong way to do things, but that's just not how it is. Things don't have to be right or wrong if you choose to accept them as they are. Stop labeling your way as right and remember it is only right for you. What is right for you may not be right for your partner.

4. Turn off your inner critic. Our judgments of others are often a result of our personal criticisms. If we stop putting pressure on ourselves to do things the "right" way, we will likely stop putting pressure on others as well. Not judging ourselves is a crucial step to the acceptance of ourselves and our partner.

5. Stay focused on the present. A lack of acceptance can generate from comparing things to the past. We all make mistakes so try not to ruminate about what happened before and try to live accordingly. Give your spouse the gift of thinking about the now. Comparing things to the past always hinders an acceptance of what is and it destroys marriages.

6. See things in reverse. Ask yourself how it would feel if your husband or wife were judging you and not accepting you? How would you feel? So when your expectations are not being met, keep these questions in mind.

7. Focus on yourself first. If you are a happy and fulfilled as an individual you will be less critical of your spouse because you will see your needs as needs you are 100 percent capable of meeting. This takes a lot of pressure off of the marriage. It�s about personal responsibility for self-love. If you love yourself and are responsible for your happiness you get to love your partner simply for being your partner instead of seeing your spouse as your "need-meeter."
 
On accepting him as he is-
Dh is a leader. He wants to be in charge, and he wants to do what he thinks is best. And a lot of times he is right but I struggled with this.
So a perfect petty example. Dh kept telling me my face looked red and I was wearing too much makeup. This was after he’d told me he didn’t like makeup and there was no way I was going to stop wearing makeup. So I was like whatever, you just want me to be bare faced.
Y’all I was wearing the wrong color pressed powder but I was so insistent on doing what I wanted to do and not letting him boss me around that I didn’t notice until someone else pointed it out :drunk:
 
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