# Is God trying to tell me something about this man?



## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 22, 2011)

I posted in here because I really am trying to communicate better with God but sometimes I get confused. I am single and over 30 and at times I cry cause I'm not married yet nor do I have kids but lately I've just given up and my self esteem is at it's lowest point because I don't feel desirable. 

At my work place I've been noticing a gentlemen for some time now and when we see eachother we say hello. Well last week I was caught off guard when i bumped into him in the lobby waiting for the elevator, I said hello and looked away. It was the most awkward and silent moment and when we got on, I told him to press my floor and said thanks. Again it was dead silence, when he got off he said have a good one, did not even look at me. Ok that day I figured maybe God is saying he's not for me and that is why he did not take the opportunity to make conversation. I was nervous and probably looked like it who knows. 

Well today I'm sitting in the lunch room and there was some appetizers at the table, people came and went and took some but then he came but I was looking down and when I looked he was walking away but looked back at me. First I know he wanted some appetizers and probably did not take any cuz I was sitting there and second why did he look back while leaving?

 I'm trying to incorporate God in all my decisions now which is why I'm not approaching him myself but I am growing frustrated, why is God not making this a clearer sign for me? I've been single for a while to the point I have become too comfortable I don't even care much but it does not mean I don't desire a mate. I am just tired if getting my hopes up for nothing.Fellow Christians what signs did God give you when you were searching for a husband? What signs should I ask for?


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## mrselle (Jun 22, 2011)

First things first, I think you should really focus on your relationship with God and your self-esteem.  Low self-esteem can be spotted 100 miles away and when you have low self-esteem you attract the very people you don’t want or need in your life.  Just because you don’t have a mate doesn’t mean that you aren’t desirable.  You are desirable, it’s just that God isn’t done preparing that certain someone for you just yet.  And….he still needs to do some work on you too.  Speaking from experience, I’ve been alone and spent a lot of time racking my brain trying to figure out why no man wanted to commit to me.  Men approached me, but they only wanted me for one thing and my self-esteem was so poor that I did things that make me cringe, just so I could know that someone wanted me even if it was only for a few hours.  He showed me time and time again just how faithful and loving and kind He is, then He removed all the toxic people in my life, then he worked on my self esteem and right when I was content and knew without a doubt that my husband was coming to me in due time….BAM….everything fell into place.    Don’t’ search for a husband.  Prepare yourself to be the kind of wife you future husband will need.  

As far as the gentleman you see at work…he could or could not be interested.  I don’t get any clear signals from your post one way or the other.  The next time you run into him, try making direct eye contact and saying hello.  Don’t be so quick to avoid his gaze and try making small talk.  The signals that you are giving off could read to him that you don’t want to be bothered and maybe that is why he hasn’t tried to engage you in conversation.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 22, 2011)

mrselle said:


> First things first, I think you should really focus on your relationship with God and your self-esteem.  Low self-esteem can be spotted 100 miles away and when you have low self-esteem you attract the very people you don’t want or need in your life.  Just because you don’t have a mate doesn’t mean that you aren’t desirable.  You are desirable, it’s just that God isn’t done preparing that certain someone for you just yet.  And….he still needs to do some work on you too.  Speaking from experience, I’ve been alone and spent a lot of time racking my brain trying to figure out why no man wanted to commit to me.  Men approached me, but they only wanted me for one thing and my self-esteem was so poor that I did things that make me cringe, just so I could know that someone wanted me even if it was only for a few hours.  He showed me time and time again just how faithful and loving and kind He is, then He removed all the toxic people in my life, then he worked on my self esteem and right when I was content and knew without a doubt that my husband was coming to me in due time….BAM….everything fell into place.    Don’t’ search for a husband.  Prepare yourself to be the kind of wife you future husband will need.
> 
> As far as the gentleman you see at work…he could or could not be interested.  I don’t get any clear signals from your post one way or the other.  The next time you run into him, try making direct eye contact and saying hello.  Don’t be so quick to avoid his gaze and try making small talk.  The signals that you are giving off could read to him that you don’t want to be bothered and maybe that is why he hasn’t tried to engage you in conversation.



Thank you for replying. You are right I need to work on my self esteem but part of my issue is just being self conscious about things I have no control over and though I need to get over those insecurities I want God to send me someone who loves me unconditionally with all my flaws. Maybe I am giving off the vibe that I don't want to be bothered it really is because I am interested but don't know how to act, I am disappointed in myself cause I over think everything .


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## Lisa (Jun 22, 2011)

I agree with mrselle! You need to work on yourself esteem but you also need to work on being friendly. Do you treat women the same way you're treating him? Eye contact and a smile never hurt anyone so I'm curious when you spoke to him in the lobby did you look at him, smile, say good morning, and continue looking until he said hello? 

Second question when you were sitting at the table did you look up see him coming and then not acknowledge him once he was at the table? If he walked over to the table without getting anything to eat maybe he was coming over to talk to you (but you were being a little rude). Sorry!

Now think about this...how interested in having a conversation do you seem? Let's turn this situation around. If you were standing at the elevator and a female co-worker came up and said good morning and then started looking down or fiddling with something (not sure if you did), or looking every where but at you would you be inclined to strike up a conversation or would you assume she was preoccupied and not bother her?

Or if you walked over to say hi to a co-worker or to see what was on the appetizer table and she (the co-worker) was sitting there but she didn't even look up and acknowledge your presence would you be bold enough to speak to her (loud enough to get her out of the trance she appears to be in because she didn't even notice you come up) or would you just walk away and not bother her because once again she seems preoccupied?

I'm shy so I understand why you're doing what you're doing but I've been putting myself in the other persons shoes. What I found is that I wouldn't talk to me! So I've worked on being more open and friendly and so far so good! I've had people striking up conversations that I would rather not have and I've had some people that I could hardly get away from erplexed!


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 22, 2011)

Lisa said:


> I agree with mrselle! You need to work on yourself esteem but you also need to work on being friendly. Do you treat women the same way you're treating him? Eye contact and a smile never hurt anyone so I'm curious when you spoke to him in the lobby did you look at him, smile, say good morning, and continue looking until he said hello?
> 
> Second question when you were sitting at the table did you look up see him coming and then not acknowledge him once he was at the table? If he walked over to the table without getting anything to eat maybe he was coming over to talk to you (but you were being a little rude). Sorry!
> 
> ...



Wow you are so right! I'm not too friendly but it's mainly cause I'm shy especially around men. If I am interested in the guy it is worse. I have noticed though when I say hello to strangers I quickly look away, it's a bad habit I have to fix. 

I did not notice he came in, actually I think he moreso peeked in and turned around and walked away but I must if looked up right when he turned around and that is when I noticed he looked back. 

He must not have wanted me to see him or something. Yes before I started being attracted to him he was friendlier and so was I, like saying hi how r u as oppose to now me saying a short hello. I am probably screwing this up myself. I am embarrass cause he probably thinks I'm strange. God please intervene cause I feel like I make a mess out of everything.


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## LifeafterLHCF (Jun 22, 2011)

I ask this are you into the guy.Do you really like him? I ask this because if you do work on being more preppy around him.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 22, 2011)

GoddessMaker said:


> I ask this are you into the guy.Do you really like him? I ask this because if you do work on being more preppy around him.



I do like him but I am not going to approach him unless God give me a sign.


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## LifeafterLHCF (Jun 22, 2011)

Kinkyhairlady I wouldn't approach him but just show yourself as friendly..as I hear men are so soft about egos and such.But also I would dig deep to find out why your having the self issues..where you on a time table or anything recent pop off that sets your heart in a bad way..


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 22, 2011)

GoddessMaker said:


> Kinkyhairlady I wouldn't approach him but just show yourself as friendly..as I hear men are so soft about egos and such.But also I would dig deep to find out why your having the self issues..where you on a time table or anything recent pop off that sets your heart in a bad way..



My issues are deeply rooted and only God can help me overcome them. I've posted on here about generational curses because I believe my family suffers from that. Just a whole lot of negative energy. I cry out to God often but sometimes I don't have the strength. I need some true Christians to come into my life to help me pray.


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## aribell (Jun 22, 2011)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> * I'm trying to incorporate God in all my decisions now which is why I'm not approaching him myself but I am growing frustrated, why is God not making this a clearer sign for me?* I've been single for a while to the point I have become too comfortable I don't even care much but it does not mean I don't desire a mate. I am just tired if getting my hopes up for nothing.Fellow Christians what signs did God give you when you were searching for a husband? What signs should I ask for?



That is wonderful.  The best way to seek God's will is to focus on acting and thinking in ways that please Him rather than looking for signs.  Lots of things can manifest themselves that could be interpreted as signs, but following His commandments and knowing His character will never fail you.  If you focus on growing in your faith and being obedient then whatever is to come with respect to marriage will come.

Also, it sounds like you might do a lot of negative projecting--assuming that he's got a negative perception of you and reading that into his actions.  Perhaps just think about being friendly and showing the love of God in your interactions to take your mind off of your inner doubts.


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## Lisa (Jun 22, 2011)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Wow you are so right! I'm not too friendly but it's mainly cause I'm shy especially around men. If I am interested in the guy it is worse. I have noticed though when I say hello to strangers I quickly look away, it's a bad habit I have to fix.
> 
> I did not notice he came in, actually I think he moreso peeked in and turned around and walked away but I must if looked up right when he turned around and that is when I noticed he looked back.
> 
> He must not have wanted me to see him or something. Yes before I started being attracted to him he was friendlier and so was I, like saying hi how r u as oppose to now me saying a short hello. I am probably screwing this up myself. I am embarrass cause he probably thinks I'm strange. God please intervene cause I feel like I make a mess out of everything.



I was (am on some occasions) the same way. I'm very shy so I understanding your actions. You will be uncomfortable at first but keep eye contact especially while others are talking to you. It's OK to avert your eyes A LITTLE when you are talking but still try to maintain eye contact and SMILE!!!

I think braces were the best thing to happened to me as a teenager. My friends would always give me this goofy smile which would make me smile and laugh (because I knew they were doing it to see my braces). I had a teacher that gave me the nickname Giggles because she said I had a giggly smile. I lost  my smile for a little while after my braces were taken off but my when my little cousin told me she liked me better with my braces because I was friendlier I knew I needed to smile more. Now smiling at people is pretty much second nature (we all have our off days or months ). 

People are drawn to you when they perceive you as being friendly and men (especially) are suckers for smiles. I recently joined a new church and people come over to me and compliment me because I'm always smiling. I was told tonight (at Bible study) that I glow (scratches head). Try it you will be surprised you will feel friendlier and people will be drawn to you. Look people in the eye and smile (but don't look away to quickly). Just try it!!!!


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## LifeafterLHCF (Jun 22, 2011)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> My issues are deeply rooted and only God can help me overcome them. I've posted on here about generational curses because I believe my family suffers from that. Just a whole lot of negative energy. I cry out to God often but sometimes I don't have the strength. I need some true Christians to come into my life to help me pray.




I like that you are going on faith to know you need God to help you.It takes someone who really is reflective such as yourself to be able to know there are generational curses and that you will be the pioneer to set some new life in your family.I'm like you in more ways than you know.When I read your post I had to check the screen name to make sure I didn't write this.Continue to stay in the word and surround yourself even if it means going outside of your box to be near people who will edify you and exhort you and correct you so you can grow in this season.Remember you are a new creature since the old things are done.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 22, 2011)

Thank you ladies for all of the insightful advice. It starts with me and my spiritual and emotional healing and then other things will fall into place. I pray that they do.


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## Guitarhero (Jun 22, 2011)

Relationships take time.  Allow for it.


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## LiftedUp (Jun 22, 2011)

For me I kneel and pray and ask God if he's for me.  I usually get a resounding yes or no.  Try to let go of your personal feelings and views and listen to what your inner gut is saying, the answer usually lies there.

Personal example, when my ex and I broke up I felt as if it was right.  I then prayed and begged God to send him back into my life.  He told me no.  I begged, pleaded and prayed and he told me no.  Eventually we did get back together and it really wasn't the same and should not have occurred for many reasons.  I relaized that I need to trust and have faith because when he speaks he speaks.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 23, 2011)

LiftedUp said:


> For me I kneel and pray and ask God if he's for me.  I usually get a resounding yes or no.  Try to let go of your personal feelings and views and listen to what your inner gut is saying, the answer usually lies there.
> 
> Personal example, when my ex and I broke up I felt as if it was right.  I then prayed and begged God to send him back into my life.  He told me no.  I begged, pleaded and prayed and he told me no.  Eventually we did get back together and it really wasn't the same and should not have occurred for many reasons.  I relaized that I need to trust and have faith because when he speaks he speaks.



Similar situation happened to me years ago with my ex, when we were having problems I prayed and begged for God not to allow our union to break but deep inside I knew the relationship was already a mess. We stayed together and he just continued to hurt me like I was nothing. After all that I have never really been the same because at times I wondered why God let this man wrong me so much but when I look back I think that there were many signs but at the time I loved this guy and figured I'm young so I have time to have fun, biggest mistake. 

Deep inside I don't know what to think with this guy cause I don't know him, he may not even be single but I wish God could give me a clear sign. I am embarrass about him not wanting to come in the lunch room cause I was there but I won't let it get me down. If its Gods will for him to talk to me he will.


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## Prudent1 (Jun 23, 2011)

Kinkyhairlady,


Kinkyhairlady said:


> Thank you ladies for all of the insightful advice. *It starts with me and my spiritual and emotional healing and then other things will fall into place*. I pray that they do.


You got it girlie!! (Matt 6:33) Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his Righteousness (His way of doing, thinking, being) and ALL these things (material things, relationships, children, the very desires of your innermost heart) will be added unto you. (Psa 37:4) Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you (give some things you've asked about to you _and_ guide you into desiring what you would want if you had His exact mindest )


Kinkyhairlady said:


> Similar situation happened to me years ago with my ex, when we were having problems I prayed and begged for God not to allow our union to break but *deep inside I knew the relationship was already a mess.* We stayed together and he just continued to hurt me like I was nothing. After all that I have never really been the same because at times I wondered why God let this man wrong me so much but when I look back I think that there were many signs but at the time I loved this guy and figured I'm young so I have time to have fun, biggest mistake.
> 
> _Deep inside I don't know what to think with this guy cause I don't know him, he may not even be single_ but I wish God could give me a clear sign. I am embarrass about him not wanting to come in the lunch room cause I was there but I won't let it get me down. If its Gods will for him to talk to me he will.


Good for you, you learned a very important lesson you can keep with you and share with others for the rest of your life- sometimes God allows/ grants our wishes knowing we are wrong but knowing he will be there for us to kiss our ouches and help us recover. When you have kids, there will be times you do the same thing to help them learn too. 

This guy may not be for 'you'. It might be his cousin, brother, etc. What God may be doing is trying to strengthen your trust muscles and get you out of your shell by sending you a great friend on a path to something better for you. Or, maybe there will be more later you come back to share with us. Either way, you must learn, little by little, to trust God daily. You're ok and on your way!

BTW- Several women here do pray for you and others on this forum. You may not always know when we're praying for you 'cause sometimes we are doing it via PM or otherwise but just _know_ prayers are being sent up on your behalf.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 23, 2011)

Prudent1 said:


> Kinkyhairlady,
> 
> You got it girlie!! (Matt 6:33) Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his Righteousness (His way of doing, thinking, being) and ALL these things (material things, relationships, children, the very desires of your innermost heart) will be added unto you. (Psa 37:4) Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you (give some things you've asked about to you _and_ guide you into desiring what you would want if you had His exact mindest )
> 
> ...



Thank you Prudent


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jun 27, 2011)

I wanted to give a little update... Since the last incident I was worried cause I thought he would start giving me the cold shoulder but I think I redeemed myself today. I took some of the advice here and tried to be more friendlier. When I was coming from the lunch room he was getting off the elevator and we made eye contact and he said hi and I said "hi how are you and I had a smile teeth showing and everything! Lol. I have a feeling he is interested and I think he may sense I am as well but now I need him to come talk to me! Jesus take the wheel!


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