# Single Christian Women's Support Thread



## Natural Love

Do you know if there is one already started? If so, can the link be posted?

If not, can we start one?

Who would be interested in a thread that caters to the difficulties single women face on a day to day basis and offer encouragement for one another?


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## loolalooh

I haven't see a thread like this, but I'm *certainly interested *in joining.  It's difficult going at this along sometimes.  My current challenges in being a Single Christian Woman include:

- patience in waiting my future husband; I'm getting better about the patience though
- turning down certain outings with my Single friends (such as the club/lounge); so far, I've been diligent about this, but I'm saddened by the actual loss of friendships with these women; however, I know that it is not a part of the plan that I meet my future husband at these places
- the whole lifestyle change; for me, at least, I can't watch my favorite shows like "The Bachelor" anymore; shows like this make me feel like I allowed "The One" to walk out of my life


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## Natural Love

As for me, a newly single Christian woman who wants to dedicate herself to the Lord, I need a lot of support and I think that it would be helpful to have people who have the same or similar struggles to let us know that we are not alone and give us support and advice to get through some of the difficult challenges.

I am praying for others to be as excited as you are....


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## nubiennze

Definitely subscribing.


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## Natural Love

Welcome Nubiennze...I am praying that we all get the support, comfort and advice (as well as spiritual food) we need in this thread.


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## Blessed626

Yay for this thread! I have nothing else to add right now lol, but I'm sure I will be back!


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## LongTimeComing

I'm game. Having someone who understand why I can no longer do the things I used to is invaluable. To have that support and advice from a Christian perspective would be lovely. I really don't have a loneliness issue right now, but I know I will down the line.


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## Natural Love

msdr said:


> I really don't have a loneliness issue right now, but I know I will down the line.


 

I do.  Just recently broke up.  It was a blessing but leaves and emptiness nonetheless.  The breakup was definitely a blessing as the entire relationship was a struggle.  One day, I got down on my knees and prayed that God would take this relationship and do what He would according to his will.  I prayed for an answer and I got one.  It's hard, but I have to know that this is God's will and God will give us what we *need* and not what we *want*.

I still praise his name and praying for Him to enter into my life and to fix me from whatever I lack as a Woman of God.


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## Rapunzel*

good thread. i will definitely be subscribing, thanks for making this thread


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## loolalooh

msdr said:


> I'm game. *Having someone who understand why I can no longer do the things I used to is invaluable. To have that support and advice from a Christian perspective would be lovely.* I really don't have a loneliness issue right now, but I know I will down the line.



I can definitely relate.  Hopefully we can find that in this support thread.



Natural Love said:


> *I do.  Just recently broke up.  It was a blessing but leaves and emptiness nonetheless.  The breakup was definitely a blessing as the entire relationship was a struggle. * One day, I got down on my knees and prayed that God would take this relationship and do what He would according to his will.  I prayed for an answer and I got one.  It's hard, but I have to know that this is God's will and God will give us what we *need* and not what we *want*.
> 
> I still praise his name and praying for Him to enter into my life and to fix me from whatever I lack as a Woman of God.



I can relate to this as well; broke up a few months ago and it's still hard sometimes.  At first I was angry, empty, and lonely because I thought he was the One ... but in time I learned that he was not the one God intended me to marry in the future.  I look back on the relationship and see ways in which it actually held me back spiritually, etc.  Our breakup was a blessing.

You're right; God will give us what we need.  God's will is best.

You'll get through this loneliness.  Prayer and the Word will help as well as a solid Christian community.  Starting this thread was a great idea.  We'll hopefully all benefit from it.


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## LongTimeComing

Natural Love said:


> I do.  Just recently broke up.  It was a blessing but leaves and emptiness nonetheless.  The breakup was definitely a blessing as the entire relationship was a struggle.  One day, I got down on my knees and prayed that God would take this relationship and do what He would according to his will.  I prayed for an answer and I got one.  It's hard, but I have to know that this is God's will and God will give us what we *need* and not what we *want*.
> 
> I still praise his name and praying for Him to enter into my life and to fix me from whatever I lack as a Woman of God.



I just went through this very thing. I am newly single for the first time in 4 years. I miss him, I am worried about him, I love what God has done for me more, I love my new SO( myself) more. I needed to be apart from him, it wasn't a healthy relationship in my opinion. 

I am so newly single, that it may not count to many people. Maybe in time my feelings will change, hopefully they will stay the same though.  However when I feel like crying about him I listen to Cry Your Last Tear- Bishop Paul Morton and it makes me feel better.


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## loolalooh

In case you ladies are interested, Sidney posted a worthwhile thread of youtube videos: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=432680&highlight=silly

I know I want to spend this time "preparing" and building myself.  (P.S.  Don't be turned off by the title "SILLY".)


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## Natural Love

msdr said:


> I just went through this very thing. I am newly single for the first time in 4 years. I miss him, I am worried about him, I love what God has done for me more, I love my new SO( myself) more. I needed to be apart from him, it wasn't a healthy relationship in my opinion.


 
I was with my SO for going on 2 years and I realized that in the beginning it seemed as though he was a true Christian.  Well, after so long, I began to realize that his ways were not of the Lord and slowly I began to follow his path (the SO, that is).  I began struggling more and more with the relationship until I prayed to God to remove all that is not beneficial to me.  I slowly began t realize that this relationship is not (in it's current state) what God wanted in my life.  It was unpleasing to him.  It doesn't hurt as much as I feel that it should seeing how we were together for that long but like I said in my earlier post it does bring about some loneliness and adjustment.  I am just keeping my eyes focused on God and what he wants for my life.  That brings me peace.



loolalooh said:


> In case you ladies are interested, Sidney posted a worthwhile thread of youtube videos: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=432680&highlight=silly
> 
> I know I want to spend this time "preparing" and building myself. (P.S. Don't be turned off by the title "SILLY".)


 
Thanks for this... I will definitely listen to each and everyone.


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## Natural Love

Please forgive my rudeness!

Welcome Blessed 626, MSDR and Rapunzel.

May you be richly blessed, comforted and spiritually fed in this thread..


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## LongTimeComing

Natural Love said:


> I was with my SO for going on 2 years and I realized that in the beginning it seemed as though he was a true Christian.




I thought the exact same thing! He hit me with that cliche, ' I am spiritual not religious'. Which equated to him acting crazy, doing the same things over and over, complaining about his life and then going to church every 4 months as a last resort. I did like you and started following his ways. Now that I getting regrounded it became and issue for our relationship, hence it's ending.


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## Natural Love

msdr said:


> I thought the exact same thing! He hit me with that cliche, ' I am spiritual not religious'. Which equated to him acting crazy, doing the same things over and over, complaining about his life and then going to church every 4 months as a last resort. I did like you and started following his ways. Now that I getting regrounded it became and issue for our relationship, hence it's ending.


 
It's too bad that a man that is suppose to lead us to God can actually make us lose our focus on God.  But thank God that He is a forgiving God and loves us so much that even when we falter, He still loves us and loves us enough to remind us that we need to turn our focus back on Him.

Thank you Lord for your undying love!


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## hair_rehab

Great Thread! I know that we have gone or are going through some challenges in our lives as single women, but this is a good way to use our experiences as testimonies to each other since we are sisters in Christ.


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## Natural Love

hair_rehab said:


> Great Thread! I know that we have gone or are going through some challenges in our lives as single women, but this is a good way to use our experiences as testimonies to each other since we are sisters in Christ.


 
Thank you for coming onboard.... we are excited to have you!


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## loolalooh

This was posted in another thread by HeChangeMyName.  Thought it might touch someone here as well: http://www.youtube.com/user/P4CM#p/u/67/1Vvx8mdSXno


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## LongTimeComing

Natural Love said:


> It's too bad that a man that is suppose to lead us to God can actually make us lose our focus on God.  But thank God that He is a forgiving God and loves us so much that even when we falter, He still loves us and loves us enough to remind us that we need to turn our focus back on Him.
> 
> Thank you Lord for your undying love!



So true! If I had to put my hope for eternity in man I would be in deep trouble, but God as you said is a forgiving God. It's the not so gentle reminders that help me remember who is my Savior and who is a distraction.


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## Natural Love

Just checking in.   Hoping all of my Christian Ladies had a wonderful weekend and hoping you have a blessed and prosperous week.

God bless you all!


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## Renewed1

Today was a tough day.  I really wished I was married already....ho hum!

Back to the search.....


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## Natural Love

loolalooh said:


> This was posted in another thread by HeChangeMyName. Thought it might touch someone here as well: http://www.youtube.com/user/P4CM#p/u/67/1Vvx8mdSXno


 
Powerful!  Thanks for posting


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## Natural Love

Changed said:


> Today was a tough day. I really wished I was married already....ho hum!
> 
> Back to the search.....


 
I felt the loneliness today also.  I will say a prayer for you that God will comfort and keep you until He sends you your perfect mate.


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## loolalooh

In case any ladies missed it, here's Shimmie's *Marriage Prayers for Singles - It is God's Will for You to be Married*: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=96564


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## ceecy29

Hey ladies just stopping by to post a song I really like, that reassures me that there's true, long-lasting love out there. I hope it does the same for at least one person  Mark Schultz- Walking her home.


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## Natural Love

May this bring someone comfort and understanding.

Season of Singleness
Creflo A. Dollar

We live in a microwave society. People want everything now! Whether it's losing weight, developing friendships, or choosing a mate, people have seemingly dismissed the time factor. People have allowed their age, loneliness, and even suggestions from well—meaning loved ones to cause them to get in such a hurry to find the perfect one, that they become discouraged. 

Many people think God has forgotten them. They think He doesn't care about their desire for marriage. The truth is, God knows everything you need, want, and desire. In fact, it was God that put the very desire for marriage within you; He will bring that desire to pass in due season. 

Throughout life, we experience different seasons. Consider your time of singleness as preparation for the next season of your life. Preparation is essential in your taking advantage of opportunities in life, so be prepared! Don't just sit around wasting time, frustrated about being single. Act on your faith, and prepare yourself for the marriage you desire! Use this time as an opportunity to love yourself. I know it may sound cliché, but it's true. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people trying to love someone else, when they haven't even discovered how to love themselves; those marriages almost never work. 

Don't allow your judgment to be clouded by TV, family members, or even fantasies you've created in your imagination. Marriage is much more than a picture perfect ceremony and wedding cake. Being married is work, and your success in marriage will depend on your success as a single person. Marriage is not a cure—all for your insecurities. If you are not content in your singleness, you won't be content in your marriage. 

If you desire marriage, I encourage you to seek God first. Develop a strong, personal relationship with Him. He must be first before you can enjoy a relationship with anyone else. Fellowship with Him in the secret place. There, He will show you intimacy that no human being could ever show you. Once you have reached that place in Him, you will be content, fulfilled, and truly ready for the mate you desire. 

I love you, and I pray the peace of God be over everything you desire. 



— Dr. Creflo A. Dollar 



Scripture References: 

Psalm 37:4, 5 

Matthew 6:33 

Ecclesiastes 3:1—8 

Hosea 4:6 

Luke 12:29—31 

2 Corinthians 10:3—5 

I have several teachings that will strengthen you as you seek God and His will for your life. Visit our online bookstore, and order today!


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## loolalooh

Natural Love said:


> *Don't allow your judgment to be clouded by TV, family members, or even fantasies you've created in your imagination. Marriage is much more than a picture perfect ceremony and wedding cake. Being married is work, and your success in marriage will depend on your success as a single person. Marriage is not a cure—all for your insecurities. If you are not content in your singleness, you won't be content in your marriage.
> 
> If you desire marriage, I encourage you to seek God first. Develop a strong, personal relationship with Him. He must be first before you can enjoy a relationship with anyone else. Fellowship with Him in the secret place. There, He will show you intimacy that no human being could ever show you. Once you have reached that place in Him, you will be content, fulfilled, and truly ready for the mate you desire. *



I had to bold these especially.

He's so right about the external sources that cloud our judgment (e.g., TV, music, family).  I have to filter a lot of what I watch these days because of the idolized and idealized view of marriage/relationships on TV.


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## divya

Thank you for this thread.



Natural Love said:


> I do.  Just recently broke up.  It was a blessing but leaves and emptiness nonetheless.  The breakup was definitely a blessing as the entire relationship was a struggle.  One day, I got down on my knees and prayed that God would take this relationship and do what He would according to his will.  I prayed for an answer and I got one.  It's hard, but I have to know that this is God's will and God will give us what we *need* and not what we *want*.
> 
> I still praise his name and praying for Him to enter into my life and to fix me from whatever I lack as a Woman of God.





msdr said:


> I just went through this very thing. I am newly single for the first time in 4 years. I miss him, I am worried about him, I love what God has done for me more, I love my new SO( myself) more. I needed to be apart from him, it wasn't a healthy relationship in my opinion.



I can relate to both of you. My relationship lasted around 4 years and ended last summer. We were engaged, but I prayed to the Lord about it, to show me what to do. He answered. It's difficult because I just didn't want to start over again. But it was a blessing! God is good. 

My prayer is that we all let God lead us.


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## ToyToy

I would like to join .


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## Natural Love

divya said:


> I can relate to both of you. My relationship lasted around 4 years and ended last summer. We were engaged, but I prayed to the Lord about it, to show me what to do. He answered. It's difficult because I just didn't want to start over again. But it was a blessing! God is good.
> 
> My prayer is that we all let God lead us.


 

Welcome to you and ToyToy!  

It is such a blessing to be growing in God's spirit with one another.

I prayed over my relationship also.  It's not easy but God knows what is best for us better than we do.

Stay uplifted, Sister!


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## Prudent1

msdr said:


> I just went through this very thing. I am newly single for the first time in 4 years. I miss him, I am worried about him, I love what God has done for me more, I love my new SO( myself) more. I needed to be apart from him, it wasn't a healthy relationship in my opinion.
> 
> I am so newly single, that it may not count to many people. *Maybe in time* *my feelings will change*, hopefully they will stay the same though.  However when I feel like crying about him I listen to Cry Your Last Tear- Bishop Paul Morton and it makes me feel better.


 Uh- let's hope not. Into every life some rain will fall but as a believer, you have what you say (and think). You are already ontrack for success. A big part of dealing with any situation is using scripture or songs to meditate on and get your mind focused on God. Anyway, ladies I would like to participate in this thread for both support and to answer any questions, offer prayer, etc!


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## Prudent1

This has been posted here before but I will post again. Not limiting our discussions to marriage but I know that is something some people desire...
*Knowing God’s Plan for You Regarding Marriage*
Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my desire to find a godly husband (wife). Lord, I trust in, lean on, rely on and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or be disappointed; let not my enemies, the spirits of rejection, hurt, inferiority, or unworthiness triumph over me (Psalm 25).
Heavenly Father, it is written, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you”, says the Lord, “thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” says the Lord (Jeremiah 29:11-14 amp)
Heavenly Father, I am looking for Your plan, Your answer for my life. It is my desire to be married. But I must be sure in my decision that I am living as You intend and than I am accepting whatever situation You have put me into. According to Your Word, marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life.
Lord you weigh the spirits, the thoughts and the intents of the heart (Proverbs 16:2), therefore, I give them wholly to You. I ask that You cause my thoughts to become agreeable to Your will, and so shall my plans be established and succeed. Because You Lord, are my Shepherd and I have everything I need! I trust to You my life, Lord, that You will let me rest in the meadow grass and lead me beside the quiet streams. You will give me new strength and help me do what honors and glorifies You the most. Heavenly Father, help me to not be afraid, and to know that You are close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way as I seek Your will for my life. Lord teach me to always pray and not to faint, lose heart, or give up that I may know Your will for my life. I ask You Lord to give me strength to accept Your will even if that means that it is not Your will for me to be married at this time (Luke 18:1). In Jesus Name I pray. AMEN!


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## loolalooh

Prudent1 said:


> This has been posted here before but I will post again. Not limiting our discussions to marriage but I know that is something some people desire...
> *Knowing God’s Plan for You Regarding Marriage*
> Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my desire to find a godly husband (wife). Lord, I trust in, lean on, rely on and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or be disappointed; let not my enemies, the spirits of rejection, hurt, inferiority, or unworthiness triumph over me (Psalm 25).
> Heavenly Father, it is written, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you”, says the Lord, “thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” says the Lord (Jeremiah 29:11-14 amp)
> Heavenly Father, I am looking for Your plan, Your answer for my life. It is my desire to be married. But I must be sure in my decision that I am living as You intend and than I am accepting whatever situation You have put me into. According to Your Word, marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life.
> Lord you weigh the spirits, the thoughts and the intents of the heart (Proverbs 16:2), therefore, I give them wholly to You. I ask that You cause my thoughts to become agreeable to Your will, and so shall my plans be established and succeed. Because You Lord, are my Shepherd and I have everything I need! I trust to You my life, Lord, that You will let me rest in the meadow grass and lead me beside the quiet streams. You will give me new strength and help me do what honors and glorifies You the most. Heavenly Father, help me to not be afraid, and to know that You are close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way as I seek Your will for my life. Lord teach me to always pray and not to faint, lose heart, or give up that I may know Your will for my life. I ask You Lord to give me strength to accept Your will even if that means that it is not Your will for me to be married at this time (Luke 18:1). In Jesus Name I pray. AMEN!


 
Thank you for this prayer, Prudent1!!


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## LovelyRo

subscribing!  I so need this!!!


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## Natural Love

Prudent1, welcome and thank you for that wonderful prayer.

All4Tris, I welcome you,too.

This has been such a blessing to me and I hope that you ladies are being blessed as well.


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## loolalooh

Had a difficult bout of missing-the-ex last night but held strong and prayed.  Feeling better today especially after reading some passages in Proverbs and the prayer above.


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## Natural Love

loolalooh said:


> Had a difficult bout of missing-the-ex last night but held strong and prayed. Feeling better today especially after reading some passages in Proverbs and the prayer above.


 
Trust me, you are not alone.

I sometimes I get lonely and then I realize that in God's eyes I am better off because of the type of relationship we had (if y'all know what I mean).  It brings me comfort knowing that I can lay down at night without that guilt.

Stay blessed Sistah and I willl send up a prayer for you.


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## LovelyRo

I know for me, I'm in a much better place now that I am single!  Two blessings came from my last relationship... one of them is my son and the other is that it brought me back to the Lord and this time, I'm serious about my walk with Christ!  I now realize that God is so faithful to us... even when we don't deserve it!!!


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## Natural Love

*Maybe this will help those who are in their loney stage....it definitely helped me.*


The Struggle Of Being Alone


Genesis 32:24 "This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break." 


Being alone seems to be a challenge more to individuals now than ever before. It can be a frightening period of your life no matter how long or short the period may be. Yet, being alone is usually where God has to get us if He is going to do with us what He did with Jacob.

Jacob had just finished sending his wives, children, and all of his possessions across the Jabbok River. He sent them ahead of him not knowing what was going to happen to him because he had made some bad choices earlier in his life with his brother Esau and didn't know if Esau was going to kill him. So there he is, family gone, money gone, and wondering what his life was going to look like. He could have been wondering if he would ever have the relationship with the love of his life again. He could have been wondering if he would ever have the opportunity to see his children grow up. And yet, it was necessary for him to be alone at that point in his life. He actually thought it was his choices that caused him to be alone. No my friend. God set him up to be alone! Listen to this phrase, "This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break."

It wasn't until everyone had gone, his relationships were gone, his possessions were gone and loneliness was setting in that a man showed up to wrestle with him. It's as if God was waiting for this moment. Loneliness seems to make you wrestle with every fear, insecurity, doubt, and more emotions than you could ever imagine. Yet, God already knew that. That's why he waited until he was alone. He didn't wrestle forever. He just wrestled until the breaking of day. That means that loneliness only lasts for awhile. But once the struggle was over, God had asked Jacob questions of who he really was, touched his hip which affected how he would walk the rest of his life, and healed him from his past. I know being alone is a struggle friend, but it won't last always. I know you can even be in a crowd and feel alone. The wrestle you have is God trying to see who you really are so you can be secure in him, yourself, and your future. 

Sometimes we have to send away relationships because we got our identity from them and forgot who we really were before they ever showed up. Keep wrestling on the inside. Just make sure you have the mindset Jacob had. "I will not let go unless you bless me!" If you have to be lonely or wrestle with loneliness, know that a blessing is tied to it in the end! Keep wrestling friend. The next thing you know it will be a new day, a new season, and you will be a new person that will arise from the struggle! 

This is no time to pout but praise! The very fact that you are wrestling with loneliness and being alone is a sign that things are dark now but daybreak is just around the corner. Wrestle just a little longer. Yes, a little longer even if you are tired. Yes friend, a little longer. You'll be glad you were alone when it's over. This is not about how cute you are, how much money you have, or how good a man you think you are compared others who have relationships. This is about your future and your relationship with God. That's personal. 

Prayer: Dear Jesus, someone is feeling the pain of loneliness is too much to bear. Help them be still and know that you are God. Help them grow and learn to be at peace with their alone time so they can be ready for whatever or whomever you have when they finish this season. Even though it's challenging, remind us we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. Help us not to be the cause of our own aloneness by refusing to be vulnerable as well. wrestle us down until our spirit is strong enough and our mind is clear enough! 

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

*Stay blessed!*


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## Natural Love

All4Tris said:


> I know for me, I'm in a much better place now that I am single! Two blessings came from my last relationship... one of them is my son and the other is that it brought me back to the Lord and this time, I'm serious about my walk with Christ! I now realize that God is so faithful to us... even when we don't deserve it!!!


 
amen to that...


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## loolalooh

Natural Love said:


> Trust me, you are not alone.
> 
> I sometimes I get lonely and then I realize that in God's eyes I am better off because of the type of relationship we had (if y'all know what I mean). It brings me comfort knowing that I can lay down at night without that guilt.
> 
> Stay blessed Sistah and I willl send up a prayer for you.


 


All4Tris said:


> I know for me, I'm in a much better place now that I am single! Two blessings came from my last relationship... one of them is my son and the other is that it brought me back to the Lord and this time, I'm serious about my walk with Christ! I now realize that God is so faithful to us... even when we don't deserve it!!!


 
Thank you, ladies.  This thread brings a lot of comfort.  Your words are very true.  It gets hard as V-day approaches, but yes, you're both right ... it is far better to be closer to God now than where I was in that relationship.


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## loolalooh

Natural Love said:


> *Maybe this will help those who are in their loney stage....it definitely helped me.*
> 
> 
> The Struggle Of Being Alone
> 
> 
> Genesis 32:24 "This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break."
> 
> 
> Being alone seems to be a challenge more to individuals now than ever before. It can be a frightening period of your life no matter how long or short the period may be. Yet, being alone is usually where God has to get us if He is going to do with us what He did with Jacob.
> 
> Jacob had just finished sending his wives, children, and all of his possessions across the Jabbok River. He sent them ahead of him not knowing what was going to happen to him because he had made some bad choices earlier in his life with his brother Esau and didn't know if Esau was going to kill him. So there he is, family gone, money gone, and wondering what his life was going to look like. He could have been wondering if he would ever have the relationship with the love of his life again. He could have been wondering if he would ever have the opportunity to see his children grow up. And yet, it was necessary for him to be alone at that point in his life. He actually thought it was his choices that caused him to be alone. No my friend. God set him up to be alone! Listen to this phrase, "This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break."
> 
> It wasn't until everyone had gone, his relationships were gone, his possessions were gone and loneliness was setting in that a man showed up to wrestle with him. It's as if God was waiting for this moment. Loneliness seems to make you wrestle with every fear, insecurity, doubt, and more emotions than you could ever imagine. Yet, God already knew that. That's why he waited until he was alone. He didn't wrestle forever. He just wrestled until the breaking of day. That means that loneliness only lasts for awhile. But once the struggle was over, God had asked Jacob questions of who he really was, touched his hip which affected how he would walk the rest of his life, and healed him from his past. I know being alone is a struggle friend, but it won't last always. I know you can even be in a crowd and feel alone. The wrestle you have is God trying to see who you really are so you can be secure in him, yourself, and your future.
> 
> Sometimes we have to send away relationships because we got our identity from them and forgot who we really were before they ever showed up. Keep wrestling on the inside. Just make sure you have the mindset Jacob had. "I will not let go unless you bless me!" If you have to be lonely or wrestle with loneliness, know that a blessing is tied to it in the end! Keep wrestling friend. The next thing you know it will be a new day, a new season, and you will be a new person that will arise from the struggle!
> 
> This is no time to pout but praise! The very fact that you are wrestling with loneliness and being alone is a sign that things are dark now but daybreak is just around the corner. Wrestle just a little longer. Yes, a little longer even if you are tired. Yes friend, a little longer. You'll be glad you were alone when it's over. This is not about how cute you are, how much money you have, or how good a man you think you are compared others who have relationships. This is about your future and your relationship with God. That's personal.
> 
> Prayer: Dear Jesus, someone is feeling the pain of loneliness is too much to bear. Help them be still and know that you are God. Help them grow and learn to be at peace with their alone time so they can be ready for whatever or whomever you have when they finish this season. Even though it's challenging, remind us we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. Help us not to be the cause of our own aloneness by refusing to be vulnerable as well. wrestle us down until our spirit is strong enough and our mind is clear enough!
> 
> In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
> 
> *Stay blessed!*


 
And thank you so much for this!  Wrestling away.


----------



## LovelyRo

Amen to that Natural Love!  There was time when all I wanted was peace of mind... I just wanted to be OK with what happened.  I know that my strength and my peace of mind comes from the Lord!  Sometimes you have to go hard and fast along with those prayers!!!  God's Grace provides more comfort than you could have ever imagined!!!


----------



## LongTimeComing

Prudent1 said:


> Uh- let's hope not. Into every life some rain will fall but as a believer, you have what you say (and think). You are already ontrack for success. A big part of dealing with any situation is using scripture or songs to meditate on and get your mind focused on God. Anyway, ladies I would like to participate in this thread for both support and to answer any questions, offer prayer, etc!



This is so true, I hope not either! I have found some really great song to help me along my way. As well as some good scriptures.


----------



## urbanchic

This is such a positive thread!  And it's right on time for Valentine's Day.  Be blessed ladies.


----------



## DreamLife

Subscribing to this thread...I really need some encouragement. Family and friends seem to just say the wrong things to me all the time...asking me why I'm not married, trying to set me up with ungodly people, or just not understanding. Thanks for starting the thread.


----------



## Natural Love

Welcome ubanchic and Dreamlife.

Hopefully this thread will give you the support that you need.

I have appreciated all the ladies in this thread.

Yes, we do have to send out extra support since V-day is upon us!


----------



## ToyToy

I need some encouragement . And some prayers for God to strengthen me. This is so hard sometimes .


----------



## LongTimeComing

I just watched Juanita Bynum's No More Sheets for the first time. That message was so on time for me right now.

Everytime God gets ready to move I go get a man to do it for me... It is time to date God. 

Wow...


----------



## LongTimeComing

ToyToy said:


> I need some encouragement . And some prayers for God to strengthen me. This is so hard sometimes .



I am new to this myself, and I feel your pain. This is tougher than anything I have ever done. Know you aren't alone. I will pray for you.


----------



## Natural Love

ToyToy said:


> I need some encouragement . And some prayers for God to strengthen me. This is so hard sometimes .


 
Sending up prayers for strength and comfort.

Hang in there....we are all here with you to support you


----------



## ToyToy

msdr said:


> I am new to this myself, and I feel your pain. This is tougher than anything I have ever done. Know you aren't alone. I will pray for you.





Natural Love said:


> Sending up prayers for strength and comfort.
> 
> Hang in there....we are all here with you to support you



Hi Guys, thank you so much!!
I have just been so discouraged lately, but I've been keeping up with this thread, and am drawing strength. It's just a struggle sometimes to stay positive and not give up. Especially, when you have believed for certain things for such a long time.


----------



## Natural Love

ToyToy said:


> Hi Guys, thank you so much!!
> I have just been so discouraged lately, but I've been keeping up with this thread, and am drawing strength. It's just a struggle sometimes to stay positive and not give up. Especially, when you have believed for certain things for such a long time.


 

Keep looking to the Lord.  He will give us exactly what we need (not what we want) in his timing.  We have to be steadfast and trust in him and above all submit and love him even through this time of difficulty.  Keep focused and meditate on his word.  He is working this out for your good and just know that when all is said and done, you will be blessed beyond belief.

May God continue to bless, comfort and keep you during this difficult time.


----------



## ToyToy

Natural Love said:


> Keep looking to the Lord.  He will give us exactly what we need (not what we want) in his timing.  We have to be steadfast and trust in him and above all submit and love him even through this time of difficulty.  Keep focused and meditate on his word.  He is working this out for your good and just know that when all is said and done, you will be blessed beyond belief.
> 
> May God continue to bless, comfort and keep you during this difficult time.



Thanks wasn't enough. Sending you a .


----------



## loolalooh

ToyToy said:


> Hi Guys, thank you so much!!
> I have just been so discouraged lately, but I've been keeping up with this thread, and am drawing strength. It's just a struggle sometimes to stay positive and not give up. Especially, when you have believed for certain things for such a long time.


 
Hey ToyToy.  Stay encouraged.  Many of us can relate to how you feel.  I know it's difficult, but remember that good things come in God's time.  It will be well worth the wait.


----------



## loolalooh

Hey ladies.  How's everyone doing?


----------



## LovelyRo

Satan is attacking FULL BLAST over here!  I'm staying prayerful and I'm going to have to do a lot of reading tonight to get back on track!  I'm just tired.  It sucks that I still have to communicate with my ex because well we have a child together.  It's just a mess!  I've been able to let go of our relationship (for the sake of my son) but, he's just a monster!  Please keep me in your prayers ladies!


----------



## Natural Love

All4Tris said:


> Satan is attacking FULL BLAST over here! I'm staying prayerful and I'm going to have to do a lot of reading tonight to get back on track! I'm just tired. It sucks that I still have to communicate with my ex because well we have a child together. It's just a mess! I've been able to let go of our relationship (for the sake of my son) but, he's just a monster! Please keep me in your prayers ladies!


 
Hey All4Tris:

Satan is QUITE busy but we must put on our suit of armor and like you said stay in prayer and KNOW that the victory is ours.

I will difinitely pray for you, but also him.  He may need a touch from the Lord as well.


----------



## Natural Love

loolalooh said:


> Hey ladies. How's everyone doing?


 
Thanks for checking in on us.  I am doing great.  Staying in the Lord's presence helps alot.


----------



## LongTimeComing

Satan has been kicking my butt too. I fell so hard that I almost forgot my name. I'm praying though, praising through, and remembering that God has got my back...


----------



## ixoyegodisgood

As I sit nestled at the computer table at the car dealer waiting for my car to get fixed, this is one of the times where my singleness looms like a dark cloud.  I know, at my age I am asking for a miracle. A man who is open to not having sex before marriage, no children, a job...that is pretty much it.  I have to remember that GOD is able and is faithful.


----------



## Natural Love

Heather0078 said:


> As I sit nestled at the computer table at the car dealer waiting for my car to get fixed, this is one of the times where my singleness looms like a dark cloud. I know, at my age I am asking for a miracle. A man who is open to not having sex before marriage, no children, a job...that is pretty much it. I have to remember that GOD is able and is faithful.


 

God has been known to perform miracles.....Nothing is too much to ask of Him.


----------



## Natural Love

msdr said:


> Satan has been kicking my butt too. I fell so hard that I almost forgot my name. I'm praying though, praising through, and remembering that God has got my back...


 
Yes indeed!


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

I would like to help however I may be way to far out in my thoughts for most ladies..most of you will get married at some point and go off in to the sunset..but for those who arent going to be wed then there needs to be some thoughts on that as well


----------



## loolalooh

Focusing my mind on other things.  For V-day I'm going to send my best girl friend and my sisters homemade care packages.  One is married, one is in a relationship, and one is single ... but I just feel the desire to do so.  Going shopping tomorrow for the goodies.

Also, yesterday and today I seem to be at peace with the "loneliness".  I've been praying for God to draw close to me and comfort me.  I will pray the same for all the ladies in this thread.  There will be easy days and there will be hard days.  But God is with us regardless.


----------



## ToyToy

loolalooh said:


> Hey ToyToy.  Stay encouraged.  Many of us can relate to how you feel.  I know it's difficult, but remember that good things come in God's time.  It will be well worth the wait.



 Thank you!! I had a chat with God this morning (I always have chats with Him, anyway). I felt so much better afterwards. I believe in God's goodness, and that He listens. I know that He listens because He has tended to my needs always. I have had so many small miracles in the last few months that disallow me to think anything contrary to the fact that God hears. But as humans are, we get frustrated and discouraged. I'm very grateful for this particular part of the forum (I like LHCF in general anyway), even though I don't post here very often. I want to change that, though.


----------



## ToyToy

loolalooh said:


> Focusing my mind on other things.  *For V-day I'm going to send my best girl friend and my sisters homemade care packages.  One is married, one is in a relationship, and one is single ... but I just feel the desire to do so.  Going shopping tomorrow for the goodies.
> *
> Also, yesterday and today I seem to be at peace with the "loneliness".  I've been praying for God to draw close to me and comfort me.  I will pray the same for all the ladies in this thread.  There will be easy days and there will be hard days.  But God is with us regardless.



That's such a nice and sweet thing to do!!!


----------



## LovelyRo

Hey Ladies check out this blog: http://readytobeawife.blogspot.com/search/label/singles?


----------



## LovelyRo

Natural Love said:


> Hey All4Tris:
> 
> Satan is QUITE busy but we must put on our suit of armor and like you said stay in prayer and KNOW that the victory is ours.
> 
> I will difinitely pray for you, but also him. He may need a touch from the Lord as well.


 

Thanks for your prayers Natural! I'm staying very prayerful in this situation!  I KNOW he needs a touch for the Lord and I'm confident that he will create peace in the situation.


----------



## Natural Love

ToyToy said:


> Thank you!! I had a chat with God this morning (I always have chats with Him, anyway). I felt so much better afterwards. I believe in God's goodness, and that He listens. I know that He listens because He has tended to my needs always. I have had so many small miracles in the last few months that disallow me to think anything contrary to the fact that God hears. But as humans are, we get frustrated and discouraged. I'm very grateful for this particular part of the forum (I like LHCF in general anyway), even though I don't post here very often. I want to change that, though.


 
Chats with God are alwyas good.  Helps keep us connected and reminds of our many blessings and his promises.  I am so glad that you are feeling better.


----------



## Raspberry

Heather0078 said:


> As I sit nestled at the computer table at the car dealer waiting for my car to get fixed, this is one of the times where my singleness looms like a dark cloud.  *I know, at my age I am asking for a miracle.* A man who is open to not having sex before marriage, no children, a job...that is pretty much it.  I have to remember that GOD is able and is faithful.



But  just remember God is in the business of miracles..

Your salvation is a miracle, the continual renewing of the mind is a miracle, his Spirit alive in you is a miracle.  All answered prayers are miracles, a word spoken in season to touch your heart is a miracle..  You are His workmanship that he detailed and purposed before the world began - and He loves you more than enough to bless you with and determine the desires of your heart.  His will and timing are perfect, of that we can be sure.

Don't make me shout in here..


----------



## julzinha

Well I'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend, but it doesn't bother me. To me it just means that i am meant to be with only one person in this world, but as a Christian and a person growing in Christ. I know that I will meet that person when God believes I am ready! But I'm still young let me work on me I've been single this long whats a little bit more lol


----------



## Natural Love

Hi Ladies....How is everyone doing?


----------



## nubiennze

Better than usual, I have to say...on Sunday I completed a 5-day raw fast which really reminded me that I already have the ultimate Love in my life--the One who's loved me in spite of everything I've done, everything I am, and everything I'm not. I feel more content than I've felt in quite some time, despite what the enemy would have me believe.

Love you ladies, and, more importantly, Jesus loves you. 

Happy Valentine's everyone... 



Natural Love said:


> Hi Ladies....How is everyone doing?


----------



## dr.j

Hi Ladies,

I'm reading an excellent book and wanted to pass the title along:  "So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us" by Beth Moore.  


***************
From Publishers Weekly
Prolific Bible teacher and women's ministry leader Moore (Get Out of That Pit) moves away from her characteristic dead-on expositions of scriptural principles in her newest; the topic is insecurity, and the content, she admits, is close to an autobiography. Moore, always transparent with her own personal struggles, is refreshingly so throughout this text. Readers will be chortling in laughter one moment and sucking air the next as Moore exposes the many faces of female insecurity. The author names and claims each one, then defuses every bit of power these nonsensical inner voices possess by countering their lies with God's truth. Women, no matter what their age, battle against advertising's siren call for unattainable physical perfection; the habit of making a man's love the ultimate validation; and the worldly definition of success as money, power, and status. Moore uses personal essays, women's true confessions, expressive prayers, and lots of commonsense suggestions to jar women out of their insecure rut. Readers will delve into this work and find themselves comfortably uncomfortable, and this is a very good thing. (Feb.) 
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


----------



## Raspberry

dr.j said:


> Hi Ladies,
> 
> I'm reading an excellent book and wanted to pass the title along:  "So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us" by Beth Moore.
> 
> 
> ***************
> From Publishers Weekly
> Prolific Bible teacher and women's ministry leader Moore (Get Out of That Pit) moves away from her characteristic dead-on expositions of scriptural principles in her newest; the topic is insecurity, and the content, she admits, is close to an autobiography. Moore, always transparent with her own personal struggles, is refreshingly so throughout this text. Readers will be chortling in laughter one moment and sucking air the next as Moore exposes the many faces of female insecurity. The author names and claims each one, then defuses every bit of power these nonsensical inner voices possess by countering their lies with God's truth. Women, no matter what their age, battle against advertising's siren call for unattainable physical perfection; the habit of making a man's love the ultimate validation; and the worldly definition of success as money, power, and status. Moore uses personal essays, women's true confessions, expressive prayers, and lots of commonsense suggestions to jar women out of their insecure rut. Readers will delve into this work and find themselves comfortably uncomfortable, and this is a very good thing. (Feb.)
> Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.



I like Beth Moore, went to a simulcast of hers last fall.  That book looks really good, I"m gonna check it out


----------



## loolalooh

Natural Love said:


> Hi Ladies....How is everyone doing?


 
Hanging in there.  You know, I actually thank God that V-day is on a Sunday because that way I'm sure to be surrounded by a spirit-filled Christian community (i.e., church) and be filled with an enlightening sermon.


----------



## Natural Love

nubiennze said:


> Better than usual, I have to say...on Sunday I completed a 5-day raw fast which really reminded me that I already have the ultimate Love in my life--the One who's loved me in spite of everything I've done, everything I am, and everything I'm not. I feel more content than I've felt in quite some time, despite what the enemy would have me believe.
> 
> Love you ladies, and, more importantly, Jesus loves you.
> 
> Happy Valentine's everyone...


 
I have been feeling this way lately also.  It doesn't matter who walks with us, wants to be our friend or who leaves us.  God is still here regardless of our shortcomings and faults. He loves us unconditionally and has supplied our EVERY need.  Thank you for this, I really needed it this morning.

HAPPY V-DAY!!!!


----------



## Natural Love

loolalooh said:


> Hanging in there. You know, I actually thank God that V-day is on a Sunday because that way I'm sure to be surrounded by a spirit-filled Christian community (i.e., church) and be filled with an enlightening sermon.


 
Amen to that.  I can't wait to get into God's house on Sunday.

Praise the Lord!!!


----------



## nubiennze

He's more than enough. I'm just grateful He granted me the opportunity to know Him. (And to think, once upon a time I didn't even want Him...what a love... )



Natural Love said:


> I have been feeling this way lately also.  It doesn't matter who walks with us, wants to be our friend or who leaves us.  God is still here regardless of our shortcomings and faults. He loves us unconditionally and has supplied our EVERY need.  Thank you for this, I really needed it this morning.
> 
> HAPPY V-DAY!!!!



I was thinking the same thing!! I'm kind of excited about it actually... 



loolalooh said:


> Hanging in there.  You know, I actually thank God that V-day is on a Sunday because that way I'm sure to be surrounded by a spirit-filled Christian community (i.e., church) and be filled with an enlightening sermon.


----------



## ToyToy

Sending everyone a Valentine's heart !!!


----------



## urbanchic

Happy Valentines Ladies  Make sure you do something nice for 'you' on this upcoming love holiday.  Count it all joy.  Appreciate ALL the love you have in your life....especially Jesus' love.


----------



## Natural Love

Hi Ladies:

What a wonderful service at church today.  Just checking in on you all and please know that we may be single but we are not alone we are covered under the mighty love of our TRUE man, Jesus Christ!

Stay blessed!


----------



## nubiennze

Service was *_awesome_* today, as anticipated...timely and truly inspiring message about waiting *in faith* for a mate (and for the Lord in general, for that matter) this morning and high praise and worship this evening...couldn't have asked for a better Valentine's Day. The Holy Spirit truly came in, confirmed the revelation I'd previously received, and brought the anointing (and frankly I forgot that I was "supposed" to feel sad today ). Sisters, with all the madness going around right now (especially that surrounding the institution of marriage), we're blessed that the Lord thinks enough of us to spare us the riff raff, lol...despite even our own mistakes and lapses in judgment. Personally I'm elated at the prospect that 1) He's taking His time molding me into what He would have me to be and that, little by little, I can see my own progress; and 2) He's taking His time making _my_ husband--not just a Mr. He'll-Do. I'm more than willing to wait on the Lord in faith, as He makes no mistakes (and I know for a fact that I do). I'd love for Him to get the glory out of me/my testimony, for the opportunity to stay hidden and remain faithful and for the one who's meant for me to find me against all odds, in a way that demonstrates that no one but God could be responsible. I could go on and on, but I'll spare y'all...lol. I'm just hype right now. Praise Him, and thank God for you lovely ladies!


----------



## julzinha

As much as I love Jesus and God. I always question whether I will ever get married or even be in love. I know I am young, but to be single for this long while everyone seems to experience romantic love and I always question whether I will ever have that in my life. I know I can be timid, but I am a kindhearted person and love in that sense seems to be so distant for me!


----------



## Natural Love

julieangel09 said:


> As much as I love Jesus and God. I always question whether I will ever get married or even be in love. I know I am young, but to be single for this long while everyone seems to experience romantic love and I always question whether I will ever have that in my life. I know I can be timid, but I am a kindhearted person and love in that sense seems to be so distant for me!


 

Please read this.  I hope it helps.  I will pray for you...

*HIS PLAN FOR YOUR MATE 

Everyone longs to give himself or herself completely to someone—to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, “No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living with Me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. 

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me—exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to bring it to you—just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you…you must wait. 

Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you will miss what I have to show you. 
And then, when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me…and this is a perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship and Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied.” 

Anonymous *


----------



## loolalooh

julieangel09 said:


> As much as I love Jesus and God. I always question *whether I will ever get married or even be in love. I know I am young, but to be single for this long while everyone seems to experience romantic love and I always question whether I will ever have that in my life. *I know I can be timid, but I am a kindhearted person and love in that sense seems to be so distant for me!



Girl, you're 18, right?  If it's any consolation, I was 19 when I met my first boyfriend.  I felt the same way as you .. had friends who had their first loves at age 16, 17, and even younger.  The result?  I was ecstatic when a guy took notice of me at age 19 ... so much so that I didn't realize he was "gift" from the devil.  Let's just say that set me on a whirlwind of falling off my spiritual walk.

No need to worry, girl.  You have PLENTY of time for God to present you with the right one.  If you become impatient and follow the footsteps of "everyone" else, then you'll set yourself up for failure.  I'm almost 28 right now and despite having that first bf at 19 and a couple after that, I am still single and unmarried.  What's more?  I'm sure my impatience has delayed my blessing of husband; now I'm taking the time to "catch up" on my relationship with God and preparation for my future husband.

Please stay strong, girl.  I know it's difficult ... but it's better to be single and meet the husband that God has for you at a later age than to waste time with guys are not the one just to experience that worldy version of "love".  Take this time to prepare and make room for His blessing.  Take the prayer above to heart.


----------



## loolalooh

nubiennze said:


> Service was *_awesome_* today, as anticipated...timely and truly inspiring message about waiting *in faith* for a mate (and for the Lord in general, for that matter) this morning and high praise and worship this evening...couldn't have asked for a better Valentine's Day. The Holy Spirit truly came in, confirmed the revelation I'd previously received, and brought the anointing (and frankly I forgot that I was "supposed" to feel sad today ). Sisters, with all the madness going around right now (especially that surrounding the institution of marriage), we're blessed that the Lord thinks enough of us to spare us the riff raff, lol...despite even our own mistakes and lapses in judgment. *Personally I'm elated at the prospect that 1) He's taking His time molding me into what He would have me to be and that, little by little, I can see my own progress; and 2) He's taking His time making my husband--not just a Mr. He'll-Do. I'm more than willing to wait on the Lord in faith, as He makes no mistakes (and I know for a fact that I do).* I'd love for Him to get the glory out of me/my testimony, for the opportunity to stay hidden and remain faithful and for the one who's meant for me to find me against all odds, in a way that demonstrates that no one but God could be responsible. I could go on and on, but I'll spare y'all...lol. I'm just hype right now. Praise Him, and thank God for you lovely ladies!



Amen!  That message touched me from the computer screen.

Sunday's sermon was about God's love, how deep it is, how long suffering it is despite our sins, our mess ups, our disobedience.  There is nothing like God's love ... though I hope for my future husband to have a love close enough.


----------



## nubiennze

I'm glad!  



loolalooh said:


> Amen!  That message touched me from the computer screen.



Love this thread and all the anointed ministry it's inspired...NL and loola brought forth a very real word. I only wish I'd committed all my ways to Christ at 18/19; maybe then I wouldn't have missed/delayed a lot of blessings He wanted to bestow onto me between then and now. Trust, Julie, He has everything you need; He just wants you to trust Him to give it to you.  I believe that the love He has for you in His time will be beyond even your own expectations. Be encouraged in faith!


----------



## Natural Love

This is off topic, but I want to ask all you Single Christians to pray for me and my son.  We are facing a difficult situation and we need the touch of God.  

Thanks and stay blessed!


----------



## loolalooh

Natural Love said:


> This is off topic, but I want to ask all you Single Christians to pray for me and my son.  We are facing a difficult situation and we need the touch of God.
> 
> Thanks and stay blessed!



Will definitely keep you two in my prayers.

P.S.  How's your mom doing with the surgery and all?


----------



## Natural Love

loolalooh said:


> Will definitely keep you two in my prayers.
> 
> P.S. How's your mom doing with the surgery and all?


 

Thanks, Loolah!

My mother is doing very well.  

She went in for an infection and was put on IV antibiotics.  The doctor said that if the infection could not be cleared up then she would lose the leg.  I asked all of you to pray and other christians in my circle.  We all stood in agreement of prayer that God would heal my mother.

Well, the doctor sent the specimen to 4 different labs and they all came back free of infection.  The doctor stated that he had never seen anything like that before.  I told my mother to tell him that that's the power of prayer.

Thanks for asking.


----------



## loolalooh

Natural Love said:


> Thanks, Loolah!
> 
> My mother is doing very well.
> 
> She went in for an infection and was put on IV antibiotics.  The doctor said that if the infection could not be cleared up then she would lose the leg.  I asked all of you to pray and other christians in my circle.  We all stood in agreement of prayer that God would heal my mother.
> 
> Well, the doctor sent the specimen to 4 different labs and they all came back free of infection.  The doctor stated that he had never seen anything like that before.  I told my mother to tell him that that's the power of prayer.
> 
> Thanks for asking.



Amen!!  That certainly is the power of prayer.  God is good.


----------



## ToyToy

Natural Love said:


> This is off topic, but I want to ask all you Single Christians to pray for me and my son.  We are facing a difficult situation and we need the touch of God.
> 
> Thanks and stay blessed!



You and your son are in my prayers! God is in control !!


----------



## Natural Love

Thank you for all that prayed for us.  God is good and everything will be fine.

Thanks again.

Stay blessed!


----------



## makeupgirl

Natural Love said:


> Thank you for all that prayed for us. God is good and everything will be fine.
> 
> Thanks again.
> 
> Stay blessed!


 
You're in my prayers.


----------



## zenith

julieangel09 said:


> As much as I love Jesus and God. I always question whether I will ever get married or even be in love. I know I am young, but to be single for this long while everyone seems to experience romantic love and I always question whether I will ever have that in my life. I know I can be timid, but I am a kindhearted person and love in that sense seems to be so distant for me!




Let me encourage you with my friends testimony. She had her first boyfriend/hubby when she was 27. I am talking about never been kissed type of girl. There was nothing wrong with her (physically or mentally), she just did not feel led to date random men just for the sake of it. We used to make fun of her and call her 'virgin mary'

She met her hubby at a wedding and he was soo taken by her, he did not want to be bothered with any other woman there (his sister had invited him so as to introduce him to another girl).
He proposed in 5 months and a year and a day to them meeting, they got married.

So take heart, you are not missing out on much... well actually you are. You are missing out on getting entangled with the wrong men, headaches, being cheated and lied on, std's, unplanned pregnancies, heartache... the list is endless!

Trust me, knowing what i know now about sexual soul-ties and how they hold one back, i would not have bothered with any of those ex-boyfriends.


----------



## sidney

I found this recently, hope this helps some of you single ladies.  It's targeted toward youth but the message is clear and relevant. http://vimeo.com/9439671


----------



## nubiennze

Just letting you ladies know (especially Natural Love) that you and your families were/are on my heart today. I'm praying strength in your walks; edifying associations; deliverance in the face of temptation; and God's protection against all danger, seen and unseen, in Jesus' name!


----------



## Mimi22

Ladies pray for me. I've been single for 3 years - no prospects anywhere in sight. And today is awful - my friend who I matched up with my other friend are now engaged after only 1 year of being together! I love them both, and I wish them the best. But I question God about me? I've been hoping and praying and it feels like He's not listening! Maybe i'm being melodramatic, but why is it so easy for some and so difficult for others? 

The loneliness is driving me insane.


----------



## ToyToy

^^ Mimi, you have to stay strong in God, and I'm not saying this flippantly (Ephesians 6:10). I know what you are going through, and  a lot of ladies are going through the same as you are. Please don't lose hope!! You are in my prayers!!


----------



## Natural Love

nubiennze said:


> Just letting you ladies know (especially Natural Love) that you and your families were/are on my heart today. I'm praying strength in your walks; edifying associations; deliverance in the face of temptation; and God's protection against all danger, seen and unseen, in Jesus' name!


 
Thank you so much for your prayes.  God knows I appreciate it!!!


----------



## Natural Love

Mimi22 said:


> Ladies pray for me. I've been single for 3 years - no prospects anywhere in sight. And today is awful - my friend who I matched up with my other friend are now engaged after only 1 year of being together! I love them both, and I wish them the best. But I question God about me? I've been hoping and praying and it feels like He's not listening! Maybe i'm being melodramatic, but why is it so easy for some and so difficult for others?
> 
> The loneliness is driving me insane.


 
I can understand how you feel, but I also know that 1) God does not bless all his children the same way and 2) we have to love Him first and 3) it'll happen in His time.  

We have all rushed and "helped" God find us a mate and ended up in worse shape than we where before.

Keep your faith, keep praising Him and stay strong and I will pray to ease you loneliness...and pray for God to help you also...


----------



## Ije4eva

Mimi22 said:


> Ladies pray for me. I've been single for 3 years - no prospects anywhere in sight. And today is awful - my friend who I matched up with my other friend are now engaged after only 1 year of being together! I love them both, and I wish them the best. But I question God about me? I've been hoping and praying and it feels like He's not listening! Maybe i'm being melodramatic, but why is it so easy for some and so difficult for others?
> 
> The loneliness is driving me insane.


 
Be encouraged because I have found with God that even when it looks like nothing is happening, He is at work in your life, and inching you closer towards your good desires.  Sometimes He gives you glimpses of of the work He's up to, sometimes you don't see it until later or even after the fact, but you've got to believe by faith that this is true.  He longs to be gracious to you (Isaiah 30:18) and He doesn't waste anyone's time.  Anything He is doing in your life is for you to experience how much He loves you more and more.  So tell yourself everyday "God I trust you, I trust your ways and I trust your methods".  I pray He gives you peace about this.  Believe me girl, we've all been there and back.  My cousin just got engaged and couple months ago she wasn't even dating!  Shock was not even the word lol.  But I've come too far to believe that God's abandoned me, cuz its obvious that He hasn't.  So I'm over the shock now and back to putting my heart in His loving hands.  Hope that helps!


----------



## ToyToy

Ije4eva said:


> Be encouraged because I have found with God that even when it looks like nothing is happening, He is at work in your life, and inching you closer towards your good desires.  Sometimes He gives you glimpses of of the work He's up to, sometimes you don't see it until later or even after the fact, but you've got to believe by faith that this is true.  He longs to be gracious to you (Isaiah 30:18) and He doesn't waste anyone's time.  Anything He is doing in your life is for you to experience how much He loves you more and more.  So tell yourself everyday "God I trust you, I trust your ways and I trust your methods".  I pray He gives you peace about this.  Believe me girl, we've all been there and back.  My cousin just got engaged and couple months ago she wasn't even dating!  Shock was not even the word lol.  But I've come too far to believe that God's abandoned me, cuz its obvious that He hasn't.  So I'm over the shock now and back to putting my heart in His loving hands.  Hope that helps!



Thanks wasn't enough. This really encouraged me!!


----------



## loolalooh

*TESTIMONY ALERT:*

So I was in church today where God placed it in my path to meet a woman of God to touch my heart.  Maybe this testimony will touch others too.  If only you could meet her and get the *true essence* of it.  I'll do my best to share it ...

At age 22, there was no husband in sight.  At *age 26, there was no husband in sight*.  At age 32, there was no husband in sight.  *At age 35, there was no husband in sight*.  Her doctor then pressured her to start thinking about *having children now or never*.  She knew in her heart that it was not God's plan for her to be a single mother nor without a child.  With that she continued to wait on her future husband. * At age 38, still no husband*.  At age 40 she got married and now, at 42, is having her first child.  *God kept His promise! She got married in His time.*

During the time of waiting, she *continued to have trust in God*.  She knew that the desire in her heart to get married wouldn't be there *if it was not God's plan to bless her with a husband someday*.  She also knew that this was a time of preparation.  This was a time for her to *fulfill the things God wanted her to fulfill in her singlehood *... before presenting her with her husband.  This was a time to grow, mature, develop ... especially spiritually.

Her testimony *immediately cast away my wavering faith *in meeting my future husband.  I can't let that faith waver just because he hasn't arrived in my time; as stated earlier and again in this woman's testimony, he will arrive in God's time; *God's time is best*.  Preparation - I must prepare by continuing to absorb and know the Word; she also mentioned that *the husband is not going to knock on my apartment door* ... that I should be out and about doing things that I enjoy (She was in the church choir when her husband came 'knocking'); preparation does not mean idle waiting.

Anyway, I'm just so ecstatic that our paths crossed today.  God has been telling me that *I am not ready for my husband* yet ... that it's going to be a while.  I've been upset and impatient and wondering why ... just give him to me now.  This woman's story brought me back to a sense of peace and patience.  She made me question ... do I really want to rush God?  I mean, do I really want to meet my husband now? in the state that I am spiritually?  Her testimony also confirmed to me that I need to fulfill some things God wants me to fulfill before meeting my husband.


----------



## VelvetRain

I appreciate all of the encouragement that has been given by all. Some days it just gets so rough. The mods should really make this one a sticky.


----------



## Natural Love

loolalooh said:


> *TESTIMONY ALERT:*
> 
> So I was in church today where God placed it in my path to meet a woman of God to touch my heart. Maybe this testimony will touch others too. If only you could meet her and get the *true essence* of it. I'll do my best to share it ...
> 
> At age 22, there was no husband in sight. At *age 26, there was no husband in sight*. At age 32, there was no husband in sight. *At age 35, there was no husband in sight*. Her doctor then pressured her to start thinking about *having children now or never*. She knew in her heart that it was not God's plan for her to be a single mother nor without a child. With that she continued to wait on her future husband. *At age 38, still no husband*. At age 40 she got married and now, at 42, is having her first child. *God kept His promise! She got married in His time.*
> 
> During the time of waiting, she *continued to have trust in God*. She knew that the desire in her heart to get married wouldn't be there *if it was not God's plan to bless her with a husband someday*. She also knew that this was a time of preparation. This was a time for her to *fulfill the things God wanted her to fulfill in her singlehood *... before presenting her with her husband. This was a time to grow, mature, develop ... especially spiritually.
> 
> Her testimony *immediately cast away my wavering faith *in meeting my future husband. I can't let that faith waver just because he hasn't arrived in my time; as stated earlier and again in this woman's testimony, he will arrive in God's time; *God's time is best*. Preparation - I must prepare by continuing to absorb and know the Word; she also mentioned that *the husband is not going to knock on my apartment door* ... that I should be out and about doing things that I enjoy (She was in the church choir when her husband came 'knocking'); preparation does not mean idle waiting.
> 
> Anyway, I'm just so ecstatic that our paths crossed today. God has been telling me that *I am not ready for my husband* yet ... that it's going to be a while. I've been upset and impatient and wondering why ... just give him to me now. This woman's story brought me back to a sense of peace and patience. She made me question ... do I really want to rush God? I mean, do I really want to meet my husband now? in the state that I am spiritually? Her testimony also confirmed to me that I need to fulfill some things God wants me to fulfill before meeting my husband.


 

Just what I needed to hear.  Sometimes I do wonder myself.  Thanks for taking the time to post.

God bless!


----------



## life_is_great

My friend just started a group on Facebook called "Ladies in Waiting".  The group is designed for single ladies desiring marriage who are preparing for marriage by faith through books, faith building assignments and telephone fellowship.  

Our first faith building assignment is to begin to write about our future husband, the kind of characteristics we want him to have, the kind of marriage we want, the kind of relationship we want with our inlaws and the kind of lifestyle we want to live with our future husband.  We are to ask God to help help us and align our desires with His.  Then we are to tuck it away in a secret place that we can go back from time to time to read our vision.

We will read "Lady in Waiting" in March and have telephone conference discussions about this book in April.  

Right now the group is private because it is for women who are serious about believing God for their husbands.  If you would like to join, please PM me your facebook info so I can send you an invitation.  Thanks

****Just looked at my username and thought.....this needs to be changed.  Sent a request to chg it, even though I am not married any longer, I am believing God for a husband....lol


----------



## ToyToy

Mrs_No_More said:


> My friend just started a group on Facebook called "Ladies in Waiting".  The group is designed for single ladies desiring marriage who are preparing for marriage by faith through books, faith building assignments and telephone fellowship.
> 
> *Our first faith building assignment is to begin to write about our future husband, the kind of characteristics we want him to have, the kind of marriage we want, the kind of relationship we want with our inlaws and the kind of lifestyle we want to live with our future husband.*  We are to ask God to help help us and align our desires with His.  Then we are to tuck it away in a secret place that we can go back from time to time to read our vision.
> 
> We will read "Lady in Waiting" in March and have telephone conference discussions about this book in April.
> 
> Right now the group is private because it is for women who are serious about believing God for their husbands.  If you would like to join, please PM me your facebook info so I can send you an invitation.  Thanks
> 
> ****Just looked at my username and thought.....this needs to be changed.  Sent a request to chg it, even though I am not married any longer, I am believing God for a husband....lol



I always wondered, is it OK to make a list about the qualities we want in our future husbands? I always hear conflicting messages...
I used to have a list (not a shallow one), but just the qualities I desire in him, but I stopped doing it because there were so many messages against it. What do you ladies think?


----------



## Natural Love

ToyToy said:


> I always wondered, is it OK to make a list about the qualities we want in our future husbands? I always hear conflicting messages...
> I used to have a list (not a shallow one), but just the qualities I desire in him, but I stopped doing it because there were so many messages against it. What do you ladies think?


 
Good question.  I would like to know also.


----------



## LovelyRo

^ I'm conflicted on this as well.  A Pastor that I know of stated that we need to specifically ask God what we want in a mate (Godfearing, financially stable, attractive (yes, he said this).  However, I feel like you aren't truly putting it in God's hands (surrendering YOUR desires so that HIS Will will be done).  God knows what we need.  Do we not trust God to pick the "perfect" mate for us?


----------



## life_is_great

All4Tris said:


> ^ I'm conflicted on this as well. A Pastor that I know of stated that we need to specifically ask God what we want in a mate (Godfearing, financially stable, attractive (yes, he said this). However, I feel like you aren't truly putting it in God's hands (surrendering YOUR desires so that HIS Will will be done). God knows what we need. Do we not trust God to pick the "perfect" mate for us?


 
I believe that we are to ask God to make our desires what He desires for us.  When we pray we ask God for whatever we need, GOd knows what we need, but we still have to pray and believe to receive it.  I put on paper the characteristics that I want in a mate and pray for my future mate based on the desires that God has given me. Not only do I do this for a mate, but also for other things that I am believing and trusting God for.


----------



## LovelyRo

Mrs_No_More said:


> *I believe that we are to ask God to make our desires what He desires for us.* When we pray we ask God for whatever we need, GOd knows what we need, but we still have to pray and believe to receive it. I put on paper the characteristics that I want in a mate and pray for my future mate based on the desires that God has given me. Not only do I do this for a mate, but also for other things that I am believing and trusting God for.


 
That makes sense!


----------



## ToyToy

^^^ Hm, see this is the thing...I am quite verbal and specific about other things I believe God for. It doesn't mean that I am not submitting to His will, because ultimately that's what counts, but I still tell Him what I want. I think I will start my list again. The principles remain the same, right? If we can be specific to God about most areas of our lives, surely we can be specific about our partners. Anyone agree with me here? Or can someone offer a different perspective?


----------



## life_is_great

ToyToy said:


> ^^^ Hm, see this is the thing...I am quite verbal and specific about other things I believe God for. It doesn't mean that I am not submitting to His will, because ultimately that's what counts, but I still tell Him what I want. I think I will start my list again. The principles remain the same, right? If we can be specific to God about most areas of our lives, surely we can be specific about our partners. Anyone agree with me here? Or can someone offer a different perspective?


 
I totally agree.  If what we are asking is out of His will, He will show us and guide us in a different direction.


----------



## Raspberry

Mrs_No_More said:


> My friend just started a group on Facebook called "Ladies in Waiting".  The group is designed for single ladies desiring marriage who are preparing for marriage by faith through books, faith building assignments and telephone fellowship.



These are good things but I believe that it's also important to learn about the God given differences (emotional, sexual, communicative, etc) between men and women.  Sometimes we need to hear from men and interact with men in order to learn more about them.  It's easy as a Christian woman to end up in a female bubble - for example most of our marriage talk is mainly focused on the spiritual and emotional, while men don't usually think of marriage or marriage  preparation in the same way.  

I work in a harsh, male dominated environment and I'm actually thankful for it in the sense that I've had to learn better ways to communicate with co-workers and superiors to express my opinions and needs and also satisfy what they need from me.  I know that part of major struggle in relationships are communication barriers.  I also attend a church where men and women speak frankly about marriage and the male/female dynamic.

I understand that we sometimes need seasons where we distance ourselves from men, but at some point we can't prepare ourselves effectively for marriage without male input IMO, whether from role models, fathers, uncles, etc.


----------



## life_is_great

Raspberry said:


> These are good things but I believe that it's also important to learn about the God given differences (emotional, sexual, communicative, etc) between men and women. Sometimes we need to hear from men and interact with men in order to learn more about them. It's easy as a Christian woman to end up in a female bubble - for example most of our marriage talk is mainly focused on the spiritual and emotional, while men don't usually think of marriage or marriage preparation in the same way.
> 
> I work in a harsh, male dominated environment and I'm actually thankful for it in the sense that I've had to learn better ways to communicate with co-workers and superiors to express my opinions and needs and also satisfy what they need from me. I know that part of major struggle in relationships are communication barriers. I also attend a church where men and women speak frankly about marriage and the male/female dynamic.
> 
> I understand that we sometimes need seasons where we distance ourselves from men, but at some point we can't prepare ourselves effectively for marriage without male input IMO, whether from role models, fathers, uncles, etc.


 
I agree.  And this is just one vehicle (online).  I am involved with several groups in which single men and women interact and discuss living Godly lives as singles.  I guess I posted this because I thought there might be someone here who needed some encouragement in their season of singleness.  I know I have had so many struggles in my walk and I have finally reached a place of contentment.  I used to feel lonely all the time and I was afraid to date because I thought I would have sex with the first person who came alone.  Now, I dont constantly think about being married, but my thoughts are "God, what do You need me to do to fulfill your purpose and Your work in the earth."  Now I dont have to operate in fear.  I know what I am looking for in a mate and if I meet someone who is not that, I know that they can be nothing more than a friend. I have met some great saved single guys who I go out to dinner or lunch with, but they were not for me and I am ok with that.


----------



## LovelyRo

OT - Hey ladies, I have a book suggestion for all of us!  I have it but, I haven't finished reading it yet.

Single, Married, Separated, and Life After Divorce
Myles Munroe

I view being single as a time to work on one's self so that you can be ready for marriage.  Another really good book to read is Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian!  It not really geared towards being single, but nonetheless it's a really good read.  It helps you reflect and it also directs you to pray on things you may have never thought about.


----------



## Nice & Wavy

I am a married woman, but would like to share my thoughts.

*Then the LORD answered me and said: ”Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. ” Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith.*  Habakkuk 2:2-4

Believing God for a mate is a good thing.  Writing down what you desire in a mate is biblical.

Once you do this...trust that God will bring *you* to him..the man that you are suppose to be with.  

Praying for all of you ladies!


----------



## loolalooh

Nice & Wavy said:


> I am a married woman, but would like to share my thoughts.
> 
> *Then the LORD answered me and said: ”Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. ” Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith.* Habakkuk 2:2-4
> 
> Believing God for a mate is a good thing. Writing down what you desire in a mate is biblical.
> 
> Once you do this...trust that God will bring *you* to him..the man that you are suppose to be with.
> 
> Praying for all of you ladies!


 
Thank you for this!


----------



## ToyToy

Nice & Wavy said:


> I am a married woman, but would like to share my thoughts.
> 
> *Then the LORD answered me and said: ”Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. ” Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith.*  Habakkuk 2:2-4
> 
> Believing God for a mate is a good thing.  Writing down what you desire in a mate is biblical.
> 
> Once you do this...trust that God will bring *you* to him..the man that you are suppose to be with.
> 
> Praying for all of you ladies!



Thank you for this! I completely forgot about this scripture!


----------



## Nice & Wavy

loolalooh said:


> Thank you for this!





ToyToy said:


> Thank you for this! I completely forgot about this scripture!


...no problem, ladies.  Glad I was able to help!

Blessings, always....

N&W


----------



## dicapr

I'd like to join you ladies.  I have been single for a long time and could use some support right now.


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## ToyToy

^^^ Welcome !!


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## Natural Love

Yes....Welcome dicapr....


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## Natural Love

Hey Girls.  Just checking in.  I am feeling a little twinge in my heart today. But I know that God is able.  This is the first time I have felt this way.  I know it's only temporary and that God will take up residence in this empty space that I am feeling.  I shall continue to rejoice in His presence and stay in prayer and be grateful for ALL of His wonderful blessings.


----------



## phynestone

I checked out Stormy Omartian's The Power of a Praying Woman from the library. I feel a spiritual pull in my life and God is telling me about this for a while. If I truly desire a man of God, I will need to work even harder at being a Godly, spiritual woman.


----------



## LongTimeComing

Hi ladies. I'm just checking in I know I have been MIA for a couple of weeks, but I have been so busy and tired that I really haven't had time to be on the boards much. 

I am still pressing on, growing and learning in my walk. God has blessed me so much in the past month I can't even begin to tell you. I am learning how to pray, I have gotten connected in the church. I amgoing to my classes at church and trying to read the Bible in a year( this is so tough, but is rewarding and eye opening). My theme song this week has been He Wants It All- Forever Jones.... It goes hard, to say the least.

My ex is saying that he now is wanting to get on board and has gone to his church these past couple of Sundays. When we talk sometimes we talk about God, faith, trials,  and blessings. Even if we don't end up together I am glad that he is trying to get closer to God. 

I am thinking about you ladies and hope you have a blessed productive day.


----------



## Angelicus

Hello. Thank you for this thread.

I've been single since Aug 2009, which is a big step for me (because I "STAY havin' a man"). But God has been seriously working on that spirit of loneliness. I don't feel lonely as much. I've been serving Him now, more than ever. My heart is so full of the desire to serve God rather than serve man. I can't really put it into words but since God told me to be single until further notice, friendships/relationships with family and friends have been healed, I'm receiving financial blessings, and my worship in song has been so much better.


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

phynestone said:


> I checked out Stormy Omartian's The Power of a Praying Woman from the library. I feel a spiritual pull in my life and God is telling me about this for a while. If I truly desire a man of God, I will need to work even harder at being a Godly, spiritual woman.




I agree.  I feel convicted after reading your post. 

Btw, I have the Power of Praying Woman Bible by Stormie and it is a great bible.


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## misstobz

This is such an amazing thread. I spent yesterday evening reading all of it. I know God lead me to this thread. I went to bed with a sense of peace I haven't had in a while, after reading your posts, scriptures and prayers.

I have been in two long term relationships over the last 7 years that left me exhausted, depressed, and insecure. Had I known then, what I know now I would have saved myself from heartache and many nights of crying myself to sleep. God has never left my side, it was during these dark times that I committed my life to Him and accepted Him as my Saviour, it was in these dark times that God revealed his unconditional love for me. He lovingly took me into His arms and lead me to the TRUTH. I cannot imagine choosing my own husband....history has taught me that I am not good at picking a man-. There is no-one I trust more to make this decision for me than my Father who created me, who knows me inside out, and whose plans for me are always for my good.

The enemy will do whatever he can to destroy a God fearing couple who put God first and make God the foundation of their home. And this is definitely made easier if he can get the sons and daughters of God to join their lives with the wrong person. Thank you for this support thread, it is so nice to know that I am not on this journey alone, that my sisters are out there walking it with me and many have stayed on course and are reaping a bountiful harvest due to the good seeds they sowed. 

I am on my way to buy the Beth Moore book recommended in this thread. I wish I could leave work right now I am so excited for it , but I have so much work to do. I have found myself battling with this for a while now, and quite frankly am tired of it and I know it is not of God. 

So stay strong ladies, continue to keep us updated and know that your Father loves and cares for you dearly


----------



## nubiennze

^^ Your testimony sounds a lot like mine...welcome love! I'm glad you found some peace.


----------



## ToyToy

Just checking in !! I have been having an *awesome* time with God. Things become so much easier to bear when God is the focus in your live. Well, just wanted to say hi !


----------



## Natural Love

misstobz said:


> This is such an amazing thread. I spent yesterday evening reading all of it. I know God lead me to this thread. I went to bed with a sense of peace I haven't had in a while, after reading your posts, scriptures and prayers.
> 
> I have been in two long term relationships over the last 7 years that left me exhausted, depressed, and insecure. Had I known then, what I know now I would have saved myself from heartache and many nights of crying myself to sleep. God has never left my side, it was during these dark times that I committed my life to Him and accepted Him as my Saviour, it was in these dark times that God revealed his unconditional love for me. He lovingly took me into His arms and lead me to the TRUTH. I cannot imagine choosing my own husband....history has taught me that I am not good at picking a man-. There is no-one I trust more to make this decision for me than my Father who created me, who knows me inside out, and whose plans for me are always for my good.
> 
> The enemy will do whatever he can to destroy a God fearing couple who put God first and make God the foundation of their home. And this is definitely made easier if he can get the sons and daughters of God to join their lives with the wrong person. Thank you for this support thread, it is so nice to know that I am not on this journey alone, that my sisters are out there walking it with me and many have stayed on course and are reaping a bountiful harvest due to the good seeds they sowed.
> 
> I am on my way to buy the Beth Moore book recommended in this thread. I wish I could leave work right now I am so excited for it , but I have so much work to do. I have found myself battling with this for a while now, and quite frankly am tired of it and I know it is not of God.
> 
> So stay strong ladies, continue to keep us updated and know that your Father loves and cares for you dearly


 

This is my testimony!!!!!!

This has blessed me just by reading it.

Welcome to our thread!!!!!


----------



## Natural Love

ToyToy said:


> Just checking in !! I have been having an *awesome* time with God. Things become so much easier to bear when God is the focus in your live. Well, just wanted to say hi !


 
Me too!  I am trying to get more involved in church and I am seriously considering joining the 'singles ministry' that just started in my church.

How's everyone else doing?


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## Mis007

Hi ladies, single christian woman wanting to join. I have enjoyed reading the testiomonals one in particular about choosing the wrong mate hit right home for me  so much so now I have told God I have done it my way long enough now it's your turn, God bless ladies...


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## dicapr

I am currently reading Lady in Waiting.  So far it is an excellent read.  I am trying to pace myself and only read one chapter a day so that I can focus on each chapter individually and have something to meditate on during the day.  I am actually feeling more content with my single state the last few days than I have in a while.  God Bless.


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## misstobz

Hi Ladies-just checking in. I worked from home today, wasnt feeling well. Spent some time listening to sermons on line by Charles Stanley and reading the bible. I really want to move states soon-but of course want to make sure I am walking on God's path. I am ready for the change


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## misstobz

Mis007 said:


> Hi ladies, single christian woman wanting to join. I have enjoyed reading the testiomonals one in particular about choosing the wrong mate hit right home for me so much so now I have told God I have done it my way long enough now it's your turn, God bless ladies...


 
Welcome


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## ToyToy

misstobz said:


> Hi Ladies-just checking in. I worked from home today, wasnt feeling well. Spent some time listening to sermons on line by Charles Stanley and reading the bible. I really want to move states soon-but of course want to make sure I am walking on God's path. I am ready for the change



Welcome !!


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## ToyToy

Mis007 said:


> Hi ladies, single christian woman wanting to join. I have enjoyed reading the testiomonals one in particular about choosing the wrong mate hit right home for me  so much so now I have told God I have done it my way long enough now it's your turn, God bless ladies...



Welcome to you, too !!


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## milaydy31

Hi ladies, I want to be in.


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## Natural Love

Welcome all new members....

Have a wonderful,God blessed week...


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## Dellas

Ok, I will byte. Count me in.


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## nathansgirl1908

Hi everyone.  Just wanted to join in the discussion.



Natural Love said:


> Season of Singleness
> Creflo A. Dollar
> 
> If you are not content in your singleness, you won't be content in your marriage.
> 
> If you desire marriage, I encourage you to seek God first. Develop a strong, personal relationship with Him. He must be first before you can enjoy a relationship with anyone else. Fellowship with Him in the secret place. There, He will show you intimacy that no human being could ever show you. Once you have reached that place in Him, you will be content, fulfilled, and truly ready for the mate you desire.


I love these excerpts from Rev. Dollar's article.  

I went through a period where I was in love with a certain man and I was convinced that we were supposed to be married.  I was convinced that I had received confirmation from God on the matter as well.  Then things went haywire.  I went through a terrible period of hurt and depression. 

But then I emerged from that painful period and started doing exactly what Rev. Dollar said: I began enjoying my singleness, appreciating it, and growing closer to Him.  Now to be honest, I couldn't care less if I get married.  I am enjoying my walk with God, enjoying taking the time to know and love myself, and enjoying this opportunity to build MY career and do the things I want.  I love being able to go out on the spur of the moment and do things that give me pleasure without having to check with someone else.  I love being able to come home after a long day and not have to cook if I don't feel up to it.  

Life is goooood.


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## phynestone

I wanted to share my quest to find a good church here in the DMV. Although I am not a member of this denomination, I visited a black catholic church and I really enjoyed the service. It was a little different from what I'm used to and I look forward to returning. 

I could be wrong, but I think God is opening up the possibility of finding that right person for me. Over a year ago, I was distraught about a relationship that had gone sour and about an ex. I don't think about them much anymore and am just at complete peace in that part of my life. God has been healing my heart and getting me focused on His work and I must say that I am in a good place in my life. One of my friend's made a comment about it b/c she's noticed as well. I just refuse to allow riff-raff in my life now, not in the form of a boyfriend or a friend. I'm still sweet, helpful and Godly, but I think I'm learning how to be "gentle as a dove but wise as serpents."


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## loolalooh

Checking in to say hi. ::waves::


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## Vonnieluvs08

I don't know how I missed this thread, but I'm subscribing.

Reading all the different testimonies has been uplifting.  I know that they all mimic some part of my old life.  I praise God for saving me and calling me his own.  He has kept me from some devastating decision with men and in life in general.  I know that this part of my life is to prepare me for the marriage he has for me especially as a new woman in Christ.  I know this is my time to draw near to him and learn to follow and submit my entire life to Christ completely (Lord do I struggle with this).  

I was content in my singleness until a few nights ago.  As I near the dreaded age of 30 I am reminded that I am getting older.  Many of the women that are in my Sistah Circle are under 25yrs so it pained me to hear that they were finding men in the church that they would like to court but here I am with no prospects.  I cried as I prayed that night and I even shed a tear now for not trusting the Lord to be faithful.  It also didn't help that family members and friends are putting that bug in my ear about marriage and children.  I am trusting in the Lord for his will to be done but right now my ship is way off course and I am having trouble verbalizing what is in my heart.  I know the Lord's timing in awesomely perfect and that I should be waiting with a glad heart but I guess I'm growing weary of always being the late bloomer.

I am glad to have found this thread and look forward to the support of a good Christian community online as another outlet.  I am attending a panel discussion on Questions on Singlehood & Relationships by some of the older women in the church this weekend and really looking forward to it.  I hope it will realign my contentment in my life and with Jesus and not be caught up on what the World thinks I should be doing.


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## Natural Love

Welcome Vonnieluvs08. 

I hear you.  I am 40+ and I was just telling one of my dearest friends (who will soon be getting engaged) that I feel as if I will be alone for the rest of my life.  She reminded me that she waited for 5-6 years for her man and I had to remind her that she is only 30 (25 at the time) and I am 43.  I went on to tell her that men my age want women who are in their 20s and are up for anything...not some mature and a Christian as I am.

I have joy in my heart knowing that God sees what I am going through and that he has a plan for me.  I don't know if it includes getting married but I am trusting and believing in him that no matter what, He will do exactly what I need done in my life in His timing.  In the meantime, I continue to pray for my friend's relationship and everyone else that may need a touch from God.  I stay focused on Him and doing His work and when it's all said and done, I can go to bed knowing that I did what I believe was right.

It gets hard sometimes but there is a God who is here for us to comfort us in our darkest places.

Stay uplifted and know that all of us on this board is here to support you.


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## dicapr

Natural Love said:


> Welcome Vonnieluvs08.
> 
> I hear you. I am 40+ and I was just telling one of my dearest friends (who will soon be getting engaged) that I feel as if I will be alone for the rest of my life. She reminded me that she waited for 5-6 years for her man and I had to remind her that she is only 30 (25 at the time) and I am 43. I went on to tell her that men my age want women who are in their 20s and are up for anything...not some mature and a Christian as I am.
> 
> I have joy in my heart knowing that God sees what I am going through and that he has a plan for me. I don't know if it includes getting married but I am trusting and believing in him that no matter what, He will do exactly what I need done in my life in His timing. In the meantime, I continue to pray for my friend's relationship and everyone else that may need a touch from God. I stay focused on Him and doing His work and when it's all said and done, I can go to bed knowing that I did what I believe was right.
> 
> It gets hard sometimes but there is a God who is here for us to comfort us in our darkest places.
> 
> Stay uplifted and know that all of us on this board is here to support you.


 

It is hard for me being 30+.  Last week my dad told me that at my age I could no longer be picky and I should take what I can get .  However, the Lord keeps sending people my way to let me know that waiting on God and his timing is the only way to go.  The only thing that scares me is that it seems that when God is ready he moves quickly.  I know one woman over 35 who went to a church concert, met and married her husband in 6 months and was expecting with twins before her first anniversary. After being single for so long that was alot to adjust to so quickly.  She passed a message on to me to not be discouraged about my age or lack of prospects.  When God moves, he moves fast!  Good luck to you and I will pray that God strengthens you for whatever he has in store for you.


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## Renovating

ToyToy said:


> I always wondered, is it OK to make a list about the qualities we want in our future husbands? I always hear conflicting messages...
> I used to have a list (not a shallow one), but just the qualities I desire in him, but I stopped doing it because there were so many messages against it. What do you ladies think?


 
deleted post. I didn't know N&W had already posted this. I'm trying to get caught up on this thread. Sorry.


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## Belle Du Jour

authenticitymanifesting said:


> deleted post. I didn't know N&W had already posted this. I'm trying to get caught up on this thread. Sorry.



Habakkuk 2:1-4

 1 I will stand at my watch
       and station myself on the ramparts;
       I will look to see what he will say to me,
       and what answer I am to give to this complaint. 

 2 Then the LORD replied:
       "Write down the revelation
       and make it plain on tablets
       so that a herald may run with it.

 3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
       it speaks of the end
       and will not prove false.
       Though it linger, wait for it;
       it will certainly come and will not delay.

 4 "See, he is puffed up;
       his desires are not upright—
       but the righteous will live by his faith


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## Belle Du Jour

dicapr said:


> It is hard for me being 30+.  Last week my dad told me that at my age I could no longer be picky and I should take what I can get .  However, the Lord keeps sending people my way to let me know that waiting on God and his timing is the only way to go.  The only thing that scares me is that it seems that when God is ready he moves quickly.  I know one woman over 35 who went to a church concert, met and married her husband in 6 months and was expecting with twins before her first anniversary. After being single for so long that was alot to adjust to so quickly.  She passed a message on to me to not be discouraged about my age or lack of prospects.  *When God moves, he moves fast! * Good luck to you and I will pray that God strengthens you for whatever he has in store for you.



This phrase keeps coming to me in various forms.  I do believe it's true.


----------



## discobiscuits

Nice & Wavy said:


> I am a married woman, but would like to share my thoughts.
> 
> *Then the LORD answered me and said: ”Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. ” Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith.*  Habakkuk 2:2-4
> 
> Believing God for a mate is a good thing.  Writing down what you desire in a mate is biblical.
> 
> Once you do this...trust that God will bring *you* to him..the man that you are suppose to be with.
> 
> Praying for all of you ladies!



yes. you can do a vision board too. the scripture and quote about are exactly what LOA does. 

just remember, just b/c it is in the bible does not mean it applies to the reader.

when reading scripture, KIM who wrote it, why it was written, who is being spoken to or addressed and the purpose of that passage.

in Habakkuk 2:2-4 this is specifically for the prophet & his specific situation. God gave him a vision for that specific time and he was told to document it. this scripture does not apply to getting a mate.

but the question is, did God directly and specifically give you a vision of your future mate and give you the specific instructions to document that vision? if not, does this scripture apply to you and if you emulate it what results will you reap?


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## Belle Du Jour

1star said:


> yes. you can do a vision board too. the scripture and quote about are exactly what LOA does.
> 
> just remember, just b/c it is in the bible does not mean it applies to the reader.
> 
> when reading scripture, KIM who wrote it, why it was written, who is being spoken to or addressed and the purpose of that passage.
> 
> in Habakkuk 2:2-4 this is specifically for the prophet & his specific situation. God gave him a vision for that specific time and he was told to document it. this scripture does not apply to getting a mate.
> 
> but the question is, did God directly and specifically give you a vision of your future mate and give you the specific instructions to document that vision? if not, does this scripture apply to you and if you emulate it what results will you reap?



I think most/all of us realize that the passage from Habakkuk 2:4 was not about writing down a vision to get a mate, but I do believe that scripture can take on much more than their literal meaning, and that verse can be applied to much more than the prophet's situation at that time.


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

I hope all you lovely ladies are doing great in the season your in.I know it such a bad thing but I so yearn to be desired by a male as much as I tell myself I'm not worth of a man.I even get a bit jealous of my 43yr old roomate who is getting wined and dined and sexed up by a former married coworker while she was still on paper married..It like me and her are not as  close anymore bc she talks to him so much like a highschool whore..I get really perplexed and a bit angry that she who is a christian is doing such idiotic things..I know who am I to judge her..Im no one..but it makes me feel you really can't have female friends bc when dick gets involved you are no longer valuable..vent over


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## nathansgirl1908

1star said:


> in Habakkuk 2:2-4 this is specifically for the prophet & his specific situation. God gave him a vision for that specific time and he was told to document it. this scripture does not apply to getting a mate.



I agree.  I actually used to use that scripture for that purpose when I wanted to marry that particular man I was referring to earlier.  Looking back now I know that was not how it was meant. 

I have been pondering some things lately, and I told my friend some things that I would like to share here.  This is not directed at anyone specifically.

I personally don't think everyone is meant to be married. Most people WANT that, but it doesn't mean that it is in their plan.  But for those who are destined to be married, I think sometimes they try too hard to rush the process or they get too focused on the wrong thing.  We should be focused on the One who is doing the sending.  Not the one who is being sent.  God is not going to send anyone a mate if there is that possibility that they will begin to "worship" that mate and place him before God.  

At any rate, I'm sorry to see that some of you are hurting this way over your lack of a mate. It will come in due time if it is meant to be.  Age really isn't relevant.  I know women who didn't get married for the first time until their late 40's.  They all have very strong marriages.  To be honest they seem to have stronger marriages than the people I know who got married at relatively young ages.  I think there is something to be said for getting married later in life.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

ToyToy said:


> I always wondered, is it OK to make a list about the qualities we want in our future husbands? I always hear conflicting messages...
> I used to have a list (not a shallow one), but just the qualities I desire in him, but I stopped doing it because there were so many messages against it. What do you ladies think?



I think that it is okay.  

I have a friend who prayed when she was 16 for all the characteristics she wanted in her husband.  She wanted a man who loved the Lord.  She wanted a man who was kind, loving, generous.  And she wanted a husband who was a doctor so he could take care of their family and so she could be a stay-at-home mom.  She wrote it down in her prayer journal.  People scoffed at her for 1)writing it down like that; 2) for the latter request about him being a doctor.   She ignored them because that was what she wanted.  She prayed that prayer ONE time and left it alone.

Not she just turned 40 and her husband is everything she prayed for him to be, including a doctor.  And she is a stay-at-home mom.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

All4Tris said:


> ^ I'm conflicted on this as well.  A Pastor that I know of stated that we need to specifically ask God what we want in a mate (Godfearing, financially stable, attractive (yes, he said this).  However, I feel like you aren't truly putting it in God's hands (surrendering YOUR desires so that HIS Will will be done).  God knows what we need.  Do we not trust God to pick the "perfect" mate for us?



Chances are the desires you have in a mate will be desires that are pleasing to God.


----------



## ToyToy

nathansgirl1908 said:


> I think that it is okay.
> 
> I have a friend who prayed when she was 16 for all the characteristics she wanted in her husband.  She wanted a man who loved the Lord.  She wanted a man who was kind, loving, generous.  And she wanted a husband who was a doctor so he could take care of their family and so she could be a stay-at-home mom.  She wrote it down in her prayer journal.  People scoffed at her for 1)writing it down like that; 2) for the latter request about him being a doctor.   She ignored them because that was what she wanted.  She prayed that prayer ONE time and left it alone.
> 
> Not she just turned 40 and her husband is everything she prayed for him to be, including a doctor.  And she is a stay-at-home mom.


Wow!!!! Thank you for sharing this!!!


----------



## Mis007

nathansgirl1908 said:


> I agree. I actually used to use that scripture for that purpose when I wanted to marry that particular man I was referring to earlier. Looking back now I know that was not how it was meant.
> 
> I have been pondering some things lately, and I told my friend some things that I would like to share here. This is not directed at anyone specifically.
> 
> *I personally don't think everyone is meant to be married.* Most people WANT that, but it doesn't mean that it is in their plan. But for those who are destined to be married, I think sometimes they try too hard to rush the process or they get too focused on the wrong thing. We should be focused on the One who is doing the sending. Not the one who is being sent. God is not going to send anyone a mate if there is that possibility that they will begin to "worship" that mate and place him before God.
> 
> At any rate, I'm sorry to see that some of you are hurting this way over your lack of a mate. It will come in due time if it is meant to be. Age really isn't relevant. I know women who didn't get married for the first time until their late 40's. They all have very strong marriages. To be honest they seem to have stronger marriages than the people I know who got married at relatively young ages. I think there is something to be said for getting married later in life.


 
I am glad I decided to pop into here today, as I have been wrestling with the bolded.  I also agree that not everyone is destined to be married, another important point raised whilst conversing with a single christian friend is do they want to marry.  There is alot to think about ladies and in order to get it right the first time around we need to be clear and honest about what we want. God bless


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

I went to a panel discussion on Singlehood & Relationships this weekend.  The panel consisted of married women in different stages of marriage (20yrs+, 10yrs+, 5yrs or less) and a group of 30yr and under single females.

We spoke about: Accountability in relationship/courtship
Kissing/Holding hands
Male Friendships
Crushes
Believers & non believers
Qualities in future husbands
Discipleship
Pursuing God 1st and always
Being a Biblical wife/woman

It was a very convicting and enlightening time.  It confirmed some things I had been wrestling with in my life and relationships.  The sense of God's love and our love for one another was so strong.  I appreciated all that the panel shared about their lives & struggles as well as the other attendees.  

This night confirmed again why I am not ready for marriage.  I showed me how much more I need to grow in Christ and love him first and foremost before loving a man as a husband.  How easily it is for single women to start idolizing marriage and worshiping husbands and stop honoring God through marriage and worshiping Christ.  It made me realize that my pursuit of Christ was not as strong as it should have been and how much more involved in God's work I need to be as a Christian.  My prayer is more focused on doing the will of God and not waiting on a husband and letting God's work be busy work to fill the void.  I feel a new sense of empowerment.


----------



## Nicole9

Thanks for starting the thread. I am still trying to work on my patience. I know that my life is in God's hands and everything will work out for my best.


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## misstobz

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> I went to a panel discussion on Singlehood & Relationships this weekend. The panel consisted of married women in different stages of marriage (20yrs+, 10yrs+, 5yrs or less) and a group of 30yr and under single females.
> 
> We spoke about: Accountability in relationship/courtship
> Kissing/Holding hands
> Male Friendships
> Crushes
> Believers & non believers
> Qualities in future husbands
> Discipleship
> Pursuing God 1st and always
> Being a Biblical wife/woman
> 
> It was a very convicting and enlightening time. It confirmed some things I had been wrestling with in my life and relationships. The sense of God's love and our love for one another was so strong. I appreciated all that the panel shared about their lives & struggles as well as the other attendees.
> 
> This night confirmed again why I am not ready for marriage. I showed me how much more I need to grow in Christ and love him first and foremost before loving a man as a husband. How easily it is for single women to start idolizing marriage and worshiping husbands and stop honoring God through marriage and worshiping Christ. It made me realize that my pursuit of Christ was not as strong as it should have been and how much more involved in God's work I need to be as a Christian. My prayer is more focused on doing the will of God and not waiting on a husband and letting God's work be busy work to fill the void. I feel a new sense of empowerment.


 

Do you have more details to share?


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## OhmyKimB

misstobz said:


> Do you have more details to share?


 


Yes please share all that you can.


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## loolalooh

^^^ Co-signing.


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## hair_rehab

Thank you ladies for such a great thread. Since August of 2009, I have been feeling a bit awkward about being single because I'm so used to at least having a "friend" that I spend time with. It's come to the point where men have been avoiding me like the plague. They don't even approach me or even look at me anymore. I was at the grocery store yesterday and this very attractive man passed by me. He glanced at me for a second but then he put his head down and kept walking like I had a 'keep away' sign on my forehead. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I feel in my spirit that God is protecting me from hurt and pain. I feel lonely sometimes, but realized that I have so much more time to spend in prayer, reading the Bible and building my relationship with Christ.


----------



## Natural Love

hair_rehab said:


> Thank you ladies for such a great thread. Since August of 2009, I have been feeling a bit awkward about being single because I'm so used to at least having a "friend" that I spend time with. It's come to the point where men have been avoiding me like the plague. They don't even approach me or even look at me anymore. I was at the grocery store yesterday and this very attractive man passed by me. He glanced at me for a second but then he put his head down and kept walking like I had a 'keep away' sign on my forehead. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I feel in my spirit that God is protecting me from hurt and pain. I feel lonely sometimes, but realized that I have so much more time to spend in prayer, reading the Bible and building my relationship with Christ.


 
This is so true and I feel the same way at times.


----------



## phynestone

I've felt the same way and it really is God protecting you from mess. I wish I had continued that thought process after high school. God shielded me from so much until I decided to listen to others. As I come back to myself and my beliefs, I realize that these people don't live with me everyday nor see my struggles. They are not going to be with me when the times get rough. They will not pay my bills. They will not ensure my success in life. They are not God. So why would they care so much about how I choose to live my life, although boring and clean, when there are much more pressing things to be concerned about? Kids who don't have proper role models. People who don't have enough to eat nor a place to sleep. You have let some things become water under the bridge.


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## LifeafterLHCF

Man Lord I hate to come off as a bitter young hag but it really hurts to hear the enjoyment of others sexually when I really want to stay pure and clean..I hear it all the time well we grown folks and we do grown folk activities like that justifies your actions..I guess Im not grown bc I don't want to do such activities.Lord search my heart that it's not judgmental but to do what's right and pure


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## Vonnieluvs08

Accountability in relationship/courtship-We are grown folks, but it is highly suggested.  It can be an older couple that you trust and honor their opinion who can help guide you, check up on you, help you set up boundaries.  Accountability even happens when you talk with your friends (christian ones) and they lovingly call you out, etc.  These people can even help you figure out if you are ready for a relationship.

Kissing/Holding hands-Kissing is an intimate thing you wouldn't want  your husband kissing another woman. And likewise we shouldn't be kissing men.  Kissing is what defines good sex if you aren't kissing during the act then you aren't having good sex.  It says that it is not good for a man to touch a woman and kissing is touching so you shouldn't do it.  You shouldn't hold hands if it makes you feel good in certain places.

Male Friendships- they are beneficial.  Men shouldn't be in our inner circle of friends.  We should remain emotionally pure with them and treat them as brothers in Christ.  Examine your heart as to why this person is your friend because if you like him then you should be careful about being his friend.  Your best male friend should be your husband and no other man so it would be wise to re-evaluate a male friendship that is too intimate/deep.  Also making sure intentions are known from the beginning.

 Crushes- its okay and natural to have a crush.  There were two opinions on how to deal with them.  One side felt it was okay to make your attraction known but be ready for rejection.  The other side was that you shouldn't let him know since the male should be pursuing the female.  Remain prayerful about the situation and seek God on how to handle your attraction and to not let it become a focal point (making sure he can see you, inviting yourself places he will be, etc)

Believers & non believers-the consensus on this was it is not possible to marry/date a nonbeliever.  It may cause you to stumble as a Christian because you adapt his ways.  You can't go in thinking well I can change him he can become a believer.  As a Christian woman we want spiritual leadership in the home but its not possible with a non-believer as a spouse. 

 Qualities in future husbands-its okay to want certain qualities in a husband but are your desires of the flesh (tall, dark, handsome) or of the spirit (godly, active in church ministry, financially stable (Amen!),etc).  God is going to give you a man that will fit what you NEED not what you WANT and someone you can be married to for 20, 30, 50yrs.

 Discipleship-is important to spiritual growth.  How you are discipled (one on one, group, bible study) is not important but that you walk with someone/community and in turn disciple someone else.  Even peer disciplining is a way of walking with some one.  A person is proud or idolizing ones self if they believe that they don't need to be discipled as a Christian.

 Pursuing God 1st and always-this should be our goal as a Christian, not getting a husband.  We should be worshiping God and not marriage.  Examine you reasons for wanting to marry: will you marrying honor God.  Can you or do you know how to honor God by being a good wife?  Are you going to Church to find a husband or to pursue God?  Are you active in your church?  These were questions that they brought up in this section.  We should be spending time with the Lord in prayer, praise, worship, and studying his word.


----------



## loolalooh

Thank you for sharing the details with us!!


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

loolalooh said:


> Thank you for sharing the details with us!!



You are all very welcome.  I am thankful for my sister in Christ who put on such a wonderful, thought-provoking and bibically based program and the older women who contributed there wealth of knowledge.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> Qualities in future husbands-its okay to want certain qualities in a husband but are your desires of the flesh (tall, dark, handsome) or of the spirit (godly, active in church ministry, financially stable (Amen!),etc).  God is going to give you a man that will fit what you NEED not what you WANT and someone you can be married to for 20, 30, 50yrs.



Thanks for sharing.  I don't agree with this particular portion.  God will give you a man who fits the physical attributes you want.  He may not fit ALL of them, but God takes all of your desires into consideration as far as a mate.   



I liked the last part that you wrote about checking your devotion and your motives.  I think too many women get into a mold of saying, "well God is sending my husband but He wants me to draw closer to Him first."  Then these women set about trying to build that relationship, but the truth is that in the back of their mind, they are really thinking about how this is just getting them closer to their goal of getting a mate.


----------



## foxee

nathansgirl1908 said:


> I liked the last part that you wrote about checking your devotion and your motives.  I think too many women get into a mold of saying, "well God is sending my husband but He wants me to draw closer to Him first."  T*hen these women set about trying to build that relationship, but the truth is that in the back of their mind, they are really thinking about how this is just getting them closer to their goal of getting a mate.*



Excellent point!  I agree, we as single Christian ladies should all be mindful of this.  I've seen women get closer to God only to put Him on the back burner once they get married.  It reminds me of using a good friend to get what we want and then tossing them to the side.  

Have any of you ladies had difficulty expressing your desire to get married while speaking with family and friends?  It seems that when I bring this up to people close to me like my mom or my cousin, they cut me off and say things like "Don't worry, it'll happen" or "What's the rush?  You have time."  Well, I'm not in a rush and I do know it's going to happen.  I don't think it's all that unusual for a 33 year old woman to desire a mate, or is it?

Oh and in case you're wondering, I'm not approaching them with a "woe is me" attitude or sob story.  I'm just trying to express how I feel and it's not going over very well.  For now, I've decided to stay in prayer and keep it to myself.


----------



## hair_rehab

Hi Ladies! 
I just wanted to post a couple of sermons by Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church about misconceptions about dating and sex. Sorry if these have been posted before, but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to hear them again:

Dating: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/dating

Sexual Sin: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/sexual-sin


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## loolalooh

This pastor is growing on me.  Here's a video on *Why He's Not Married*:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGUD0oWr4ik&feature=sub

I know it's from a male perspective, but it was worth my watching and hopefully be worth yours.  

Here's what really caught my ears: *"If joining with [his future wife] will SPEED UP THE WORK OF GOD ... advance the Kingdom of God ...",* then yes marriage is something he wants.  

It's not about my future husband.  It's not about me.  It's not about romance, curing loneliness, fulfilling the fantasy of being married, etc. It's all about God.  Serving God.


----------



## hair_rehab

loolalooh said:


> This pastor is growing on me. Here's a video on *Why He's Not Married*:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGUD0oWr4ik&feature=sub
> 
> I know it's from a male perspective, but it was worth my watching and hopefully be worth yours.
> 
> Here's what really caught my ears: *"If joining with [his future wife] will SPEED UP THE WORK OF GOD ... advance the Kingdom of God ...",* then yes marriage is something he wants.
> 
> It's not about my future husband. It's not about me. It's not about romance, curing loneliness, fulfilling the fantasy of being married, etc. It's all about God. Serving God.


 
I enjoy watching his videos, he's hilarious too!


----------



## misstobz

foxee said:


> Excellent point! I agree, we as single Christian ladies should all be mindful of this. I've seen women get closer to God only to put Him on the back burner once they get married. It reminds me of using a good friend to get what we want and then tossing them to the side.
> 
> Have any of you ladies had difficulty expressing your desire to get married while speaking with family and friends? It seems that when I bring this up to people close to me like my mom or my cousin, they cut me off and say things like "Don't worry, it'll happen" or "What's the rush? You have time." Well, I'm not in a rush and I do know it's going to happen. I don't think it's all that unusual for a 33 year old woman to desire a mate, or is it?
> 
> Oh and in case you're wondering, I'm not approaching them with a "woe is me" attitude or sob story. I'm just trying to express how I feel and it's not going over very well. For now, I've decided to stay in prayer and keep it to myself.


 
This reminds me of a book I read by Larry Crabb-Shattered Dreams. There is a chapter where he says that too many people use God as a means to and end. Once you do this you are definitely headed in the wrong direction and have totally missed the point.


----------



## Raspberry

loolalooh said:


> This pastor is growing on me.  Here's a video on *Why He's Not Married*:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGUD0oWr4ik&feature=sub
> 
> I know it's from a male perspective, but it was worth my watching and hopefully be worth yours.
> 
> Here's what really caught my ears: *"If joining with [his future wife] will SPEED UP THE WORK OF GOD ... advance the Kingdom of God ...",* then yes marriage is something he wants.
> 
> It's not about my future husband.  It's not about me.  It's not about romance, curing loneliness, fulfilling the fantasy of being married, etc. It's all about God.  Serving God.



That was an excellent vid  Thanks for the link...


----------



## softblackcotton

Thanks for making this thread. Subscribed!


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

nathansgirl1908 said:


> Thanks for sharing.  I don't agree with this particular portion.  God will give you a man who fits the physical attributes you want.  He may not fit ALL of them, but God takes all of your desires into consideration as far as a mate.
> 
> 
> 
> I liked the last part that you wrote about checking your devotion and your motives.  I think too many women get into a mold of saying, "well God is sending my husband but He wants me to draw closer to Him first."  Then these women set about trying to build that relationship, but the truth is that in the back of their mind, they are really thinking about how this is just getting them closer to their goal of getting a mate.



About the physical desires.  I do remember there being some dissention about this.  One of the married sister's told about how she had expressed that her physical desires for a husband were the exact opposite what God had planned for her.  They didn't feel that having certain physical desires were wrong, but they shouldn't be the driving force or only things that you desire in a husband.

As far as the 2nd part- I think many women do this knowingly or unknowingly.  I can honestly say that when I first came to know the Lord I was hoping that the Lord would give me a husband since he had saved me from marrying the wrong man.  I know that I serve him first and desire to help spread the Gospel.  I do hope that along the way he will send me a husband but it is not my main focus.  I think some of us have the best intentions but the flesh is human and has human desires, wants and is powerful enough to overcome the spirit especially when we feel that time is not on our side when it comes to marriage and children.  If you truly want to honor God then you will married or single.


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

So I'm feeling sad and  convicted.  Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers.  All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ.  Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men.  I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church). 

It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony.  Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly.  I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping.  I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit.  I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith.  I really do feel like I'm the only one at times.  That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

^^^^ Wow you seem so deep in you walk the fact you can even see certain things.I wonder why some like yourself can be so deep in the Lord but can't get the mate you deserve.I understand someone like me who isn't deep in God (love/hate)relationship at times not being able to get looked at in a way that is appealing at all by any man..esp not a man of God..


----------



## phynestone

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> So I'm feeling sad and  convicted.  Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers.  All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ.  Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men.  I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church).
> 
> *It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony.  Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly.  I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping.  I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit.  I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith.  I really do feel like I'm the only one at times.  That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.*




I hear you loud and clear. I'm fighting a similar battle right now. Let me tell you, your friends have their own struggles as well. It's tough for single Christian women but we can do it. 

I've been writing about a guy in my blog on this site and that I really like him. I've been waiting for him to make a move, but he sends me mixed messages. We have quite a bit in common, however, he partakes in activities that are less than desirable. I have decided to put him in the 'friend' category. I have a lot of struggles and I don't need anyone else tempting my flesh around me. 

Don't know if any of you have experienced this, but this guy and others, have straightened up themselves whenever they are around me. Like, they may curse, drink and party it up with other women or men, but they are 'clean' when in my presence. Like I'm such a dainty, precious flower. I don't know how to take it b/c you shouldn't have to be two different people in general, know what I mean?


----------



## milaydy31

Hi everyone,

I need to vent a little.

For several months, it has been hard for me not to think about my celibacy. For the past weeks, I felt better because I was determined not to think about it. By praying, I managed to recover my confidence and my patience and I have to admit that when I try to stay closer to God I feel so much better. 

But, those past days have been hard for me. I don't know for you in the US but I comming from the french west indies and there, people usually celebrate their union during summer (july or august). So since a couple of weeks, several friends that are my age announced their wedding for this summer. I am so ashamed to admit that it hurt me so bad.
I mean that as I am happy for them, I am also soooo jealous (I can't help it). We are all the same age and everything seems to be so easy for them, and me I am here with nothing, not even a "suitor". I don't know how to explain it but I feel that all the efforts that I make to be a good christian, a good woman in general are vain because at the end, everybody finaly find someone and I am alone. I am not as happy as I want for my friends because it hurt me so much that I am still waiting for my turn. 

I cant stop making comparisons, I know that I must stop but... I can't help but keep on doing it. For exemple, I have this friend who is about to celebrate her wedding by the end of this year. She was the kind of girl that "burns the candle at both ends", she was doing things that a woman shouldn't do (christian or not). Then recently she accepted god in her life and she found her husband. When I think about it, I have to admit that I think it's a little unfair (I know this sound so childish but that's the way it is). I have never be the one that have a "crazy" life, that go with guys... but I end up to be the one that have to wait for everything. 

Sometime I try to go ahead but now I feel really desperate, a forgotten one. I am used to fight for everything I want in my life because it has always been like this. But I whish it could be easier for me to find someone (or I must say that I wish it could be easier for my husband to find me). I don't know if I am strong enought to fight for that one and be more patient.  

Last week, I was with some schoolmates for my graduation day and there was this guy that I like. He was talking to me and another friend (a girl). He told her that she seems to be the kind of girl that like to go to parties, draw the attention on her and bla bla bla. And then he looked at me and he said that I am "a wise girl". I know that he wasn't thinking bad when he said this but it hurted me 'cause everybody think the same about me and I think that's why I am still a single lady.

I don't like to talk about this with friends because they always say that I am only 25 and one day will come and bla bla bla. I know that I have to be patient but it's hard when no one seems to be interested in me.

Just wanted to complain! 

Milaydy


----------



## phynestone

Sometimes I wonder if those men just see "work" when it comes to women like us. Not saying your friend or other party girls are bad, but appearances can be deceiving. I think it works both ways.

I'd like to get married too one day, but I'd rather wait and be with the right person than do deal with a bunch of knuckleheads and losers in the process. God was protecting you from potential drama.


----------



## misstobz

This weekend I have two of my best friends call me.

1. Friend 1 was telling me about how her friend is going through a divorce and living with her. 
2. Friend 2 was telling me about 4 of her friends who have divorced/separated from their husbands who were emotionally/physically abusive and cheating on them.
I know most of these people from teenage social circles and it really made me so sad considering very young children are involved. These women are only 27/28 years old and are already divorcees and single mothers.

While the state of marriages these days appears to be rather dismal, I have to remember who I serve. Our Father is almighty, all-powerful and all-knowing. His ways and timing and different from than those of the world's. I will keep my focus on Him and not lean on my own understanding, for He promised that if I do this he will make my paths straight :Rose:


----------



## misstobz

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> So I'm feeling sad and convicted. Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers. All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ. Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men. I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church).
> 
> It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony. Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly. I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping. I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit. I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith. I really do feel like I'm the only one at times. That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.


 
I was talking to my friend about your post and the first question she had was where are you getting all these men from... haha. I reminded her that she is missing the point of what I was telling her and she needs focus!!!

I was listening to one of Mark Driscoll's sermons on marriage and the first thing he said that you should be looking for a Christian spouse. This is part of being obedient to God and of course anything that God requires of us is always for our good. A man who is not a Christian can not love you with Christlike love-love that is unconditional, pure and selfless. But it definitely is hard seeing all these men who are appear to have a lot going on for them who we have to reject and move on relationship wise. We want men who have a lot going on for them in God's view-A God fearing man who seeks to please God and his perfect will/purpose. A man who lives to give God glory and honor and all he does.


----------



## aribell

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> So I'm feeling sad and  convicted.  Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers.  All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ.  Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men.  I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church).
> 
> It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony.  Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly.  I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping.  I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit.  I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith.  I really do feel like I'm the only one at times.  That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.



I've had very similar experiences and thoughts.

The Lord understands your sacrifice.  Luke's gospel says, "...Peter said, 'See, we have left all and followed You.'  So He said to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life." (Luke 18:28,29)

We do walk a road of sacrifice with the Lord and sometimes have to walk away from things that we would have otherwise had.  But God does understand, He sees it and notes it, and promises that not only will you receive a reward in heaven, but you will also receive _many times more in this present_ time.  And he said there was _no one_ who has sacrificed for the Kingdom who would not be rewarded both today and in the life to come.

Does this mean husbands for everyone?  I think it means abundance of community, of love, affection and support.  As the Psalmist says, "The Lord sets the solitary in families."  (Psalm 68:6)  He will be faithful to do just that.


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## Vonnieluvs08

GoddessMaker said:


> ^^^^ Wow you seem so deep in you walk the fact you can even see certain things.I wonder why some like yourself can be so deep in the Lord but can't get the mate you deserve.I understand someone like me who isn't deep in God (love/hate)relationship at times not being able to get looked at in a way that is appealing at all by any man..esp not a man of God..



Honestly I am not even a year old in my walk.  I just had a lot of time to think about what was going on. I have been struggling with finding a balance in my own walk with being able to have fun but not step outside of my walk with the Lord.  What has helped with this is my disciple group.  It has really helped me focus on my walk with the Lord and help me deal with these types of problems and how i need to evaluate them and put them before the Lord.

I want a man of God but I did have a life before coming to know Christ.  A lot of my male friends are from that point since I just moved to where I am now.  Since it's not appropriate to just go up and start convos with males esp in the church I don't have many, if any Christian men I hang out with even in social situations.  Since my Church is majority college age students and young "professionals" (not many are actually professional) it is a good environment of people who love the Lord.  However many of the men (& women) in my church are unemployed or not in career jobs, which is frustrating to someone like me who has a professional degree and wants someone who is motivated and financially stable.  I do pray that the Lord plants in my heart acceptance of any man no matter what is lot in life as long as he can be a biblical man who will love the Lord and provide for his family.


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## misstobz

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> Honestly I am not even a year old in my walk. I just had a lot of time to think about what was going on. I have been struggling with finding a balance in my own walk with being able to have fun but not step outside of my walk with the Lord. What has helped with this is my disciple group. It has really helped me focus on my walk with the Lord and help me deal with these types of problems and how i need to evaluate them and put them before the Lord.
> 
> I want a man of God but I did have a life before coming to know Christ. A lot of my male friends are from that point since I just moved to where I am now. Since it's not appropriate to just go up and start convos with males esp in the church I don't have many, if any Christian men I hang out with even in social situations. Since my Church is majority college age students and young "professionals" (not many are actually professional) it is a good environment of people who love the Lord. However many of the men (& women) in my church are unemployed or not in career jobs, which is frustrating to someone like me who has a professional degree and wants someone who is motivated and financially stable. I do pray that the Lord plants in my heart acceptance of any man no matter what is lot in life as long as he can be a biblical man who will love the Lord and provide for his family.


 
From reading your post I wouldn't have thought you are less than a year in your walk. God definitely has his hand on you .


----------



## Natural Love

milaydy31 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I need to vent a little.
> 
> For several months, it has been hard for me not to think about my celibacy. For the past weeks, I felt better because I was determined not to think about it. By praying, I managed to recover my confidence and my patience and I have to admit that when I try to stay closer to God I feel so much better.
> 
> But, those past days have been hard for me. I don't know for you in the US but I comming from the french west indies and there, people usually celebrate their union during summer (july or august). So since a couple of weeks, several friends that are my age announced their wedding for this summer. I am so ashamed to admit that it hurt me so bad.
> I mean that as I am happy for them, I am also soooo jealous (I can't help it). We are all the same age and everything seems to be so easy for them, and me I am here with nothing, not even a "suitor". I don't know how to explain it but I feel that all the efforts that I make to be a good christian, a good woman in general are vain because at the end, everybody finaly find someone and I am alone. I am not as happy as I want for my friends because it hurt me so much that I am still waiting for my turn.
> 
> I cant stop making comparisons, I know that I must stop but... I can't help but keep on doing it. For exemple, I have this friend who is about to celebrate her wedding by the end of this year. She was the kind of girl that "burns the candle at both ends", she was doing things that a woman shouldn't do (christian or not). Then recently she accepted god in her life and she found her husband. When I think about it, I have to admit that I think it's a little unfair (I know this sound so childish but that's the way it is). I have never be the one that have a "crazy" life, that go with guys... but I end up to be the one that have to wait for everything.
> 
> Sometime I try to go ahead but now I feel really desperate, a forgotten one. I am used to fight for everything I want in my life because it has always been like this. But I whish it could be easier for me to find someone (or I must say that I wish it could be easier for my husband to find me). I don't know if I am strong enought to fight for that one and be more patient.
> 
> Last week, I was with some schoolmates for my graduation day and there was this guy that I like. He was talking to me and another friend (a girl). He told her that she seems to be the kind of girl that like to go to parties, draw the attention on her and bla bla bla. And then he looked at me and he said that I am "a wise girl". I know that he wasn't thinking bad when he said this but it hurted me 'cause everybody think the same about me and I think that's why I am still a single lady.
> 
> I don't like to talk about this with friends because they always say that I am only 25 and one day will come and bla bla bla. I know that I have to be patient but it's hard when no one seems to be interested in me.
> 
> Just wanted to complain!
> 
> Milaydy


 
I can sooooo relate to this today and yesterday and last week.  I have a friend who has found love (and she is so happy; they are talking about marriage), another friend who got married this oast weekend, another co-worker who is planning her wedding and 2 girlfriends whose exes made all the appropriate changes to be with them and a girlfriend who signed up with a dating website who is getting all the attention.  As for me.....nothing, nothing at all.  It is a very trying time.  My bf left and never looked back.  My ex husband is with a woman who makes him miserable but he stays with her because "she loves him."  I guess my love wasn't good enough for him to stay with me, even after we had a child and bought a home.  I honestly feel as if I am no longer loveable, desirable and that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life.  The other day I just had a melt down but how can you talk to your friends about you being alone when they have their men tripping all over them to make sure that they have everything that they need/want.  It does seem unfair and I am trying (Lord knows that I am) to keep the faith that God has something for me that I will be beyond my wildest dreams.

I need some motivation.....


----------



## southernstyle

Natural Love said:


> I can sooooo relate to this today and yesterday and last week. I have a friend who has found love (and she is so happy; they are talking about marriage), another friend who got married this oast weekend, another co-worker who is planning her wedding and 2 girlfriends whose exes made all the appropriate changes to be with them and a girlfriend who signed up with a dating website who is getting all the attention. As for me.....nothing, nothing at all. It is a very trying time. My bf left and never looked back. My ex husband is with a woman who makes him miserable but he stays with her because "she loves him." I guess my love wasn't good enough for him to stay with me, even after we had a child and bought a home. I honestly feel as if I am no longer loveable, desirable and that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. The other day I just had a melt down but how can you talk to your friends about you being alone when they have their men tripping all over them to make sure that they have everything that they need/want. It does seem unfair and I am trying (Lord knows that I am) to keep the faith that God has something for me that I will be beyond my wildest dreams.
> 
> I need some motivation.....


 

Hello Natural Love,

I read the above, I immediately said a prayer for you. I've been where you are. I'm in a relationship for the first time in over a decade (please don't let THAT make you sad, this was needed for my journey; our walks are all different). I just want to encourage you to hold on; our Father does know and want what's best for us, and He'll grant it to us in His perfect timing. Talking from experience, it IS difficult when we see love surrounding us and we're without. While yes we're happy for our friends, it does make us more aware of our deep desires. During those times for me I was just always there for my friends encouraging them as best I could while continuing to hold on and and believe God that if it was His will then there would be love for me too in His timing. Natural Love, I would encourage you to hold on. God will come through for you, and when He does, it will be worth the wait (I'm can attest to this too)! I would encourage you to take this time to draw closer to God to really allow Him to fill those unmet desires as only He can. God does has someone that he is preparing just for you (and He is preparing you just for him) and in His perfect timing you two will be presented to one another. In the meantime we're all here to encourage you!


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## mz tracy 25

Hello everyone. I'm so glad to see a network of single christian sistas like myself. I will continously keep all of you in my prayers and I pray that you do the same for me.


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## dr.j

What God has for you, it is for you


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## loolalooh

Wow, much of what's been said in the last couple of posts resonates with what I am feeling + some.  I need to reread it all this weekend.  Here's where my mind is at right now:

*CHECKING IN:*
*Annoyance with the "wedding season" coming up this summer.  I know of at least 2 weddings coming up and 1 that just happened.  I'm handling it okay, though; the annoyance isn't overtaking me so long as I stay in the Word.  It is not my time and I am at peace with that.  I just have to stay strong and focus on the bigger picture -- strengthening my relationship with God so that I can better serve Him.

*Turning away men who are not for me according to God.  I went to a speed dating event last Friday and met a lot of guys, two of which I would've given the time of day in the past.  However, my spirit didn't feel right, so I let these guys go into oblivion.  At first I thought it a stupid move.  But then I was at peace because my decision was rooted in what God wants for me.  He does NOT want me to pursue my husband at a speed dating event (no offense to anybody).  Moreover, He does not want me to meet my husband now.  He wants me to increase my absorption of the Word and catch up.


----------



## phynestone

loolalooh said:


> Wow, much of what's been said in the last couple of posts resonates with what I am feeling + some.  I need to reread it all this weekend.  Here's where my mind is at right now:
> 
> *CHECKING IN:*
> *Annoyance with the "wedding season" coming up this summer.  I know of at least 2 weddings coming up and 1 that just happened.  I'm handling it okay, though; the annoyance isn't overtaking me so long as I stay in the Word.  It is not my time and I am at peace with that.  I just have to stay strong and focus on the bigger picture -- strengthening my relationship with God so that I can better serve Him.
> 
> *Turning away men who are not for me according to God.  I went to a speed dating event last Friday and met a lot of guys, two of which I would've given the time of day in the past. * However, my spirit didn't feel right, so I let these guys go into oblivion.  At first I thought it a stupid move.  But then I was at peace because my decision was rooted in what God wants for me. * He does NOT want me to pursue my husband at a speed dating event (no offense to anybody).  Moreover, He does not want me to meet my husband now.  He wants me to increase my absorption of the Word and catch up.



Sometimes I struggle with this as well. I have done things "of the world" b/c it's been popular, so many do it, but my spirit just doesn't have peace about it. So I've learned to stop. Glad you paid attention.


----------



## misstobz

loolalooh said:


> Wow, much of what's been said in the last couple of posts resonates with what I am feeling + some. I need to reread it all this weekend. Here's where my mind is at right now:
> 
> *CHECKING IN:*
> *Annoyance with the "wedding season" coming up this summer. I know of at least 2 weddings coming up and 1 that just happened. I'm handling it okay, though; the annoyance isn't overtaking me so long as I stay in the Word. It is not my time and I am at peace with that. I just have to stay strong and focus on the bigger picture -- strengthening my relationship with God so that I can better serve Him.
> 
> *Turning away men who are not for me according to God. I went to a speed dating event last Friday and met a lot of guys, two of which I would've given the time of day in the past. However, my spirit didn't feel right, so I let these guys go into oblivion. At first I thought it a stupid move. But then I was at peace because my decision was rooted in what God wants for me. *He does NOT want me to pursue my husband at a speed dating event (no offense to anybody).* Moreover, He does not want me to meet my husband now. He wants me to increase my absorption of the Word and catch up.


 

If you dont mind me asking how did you come to this conclusion?


----------



## southernstyle

mz tracy 25 said:


> Hello everyone. I'm so glad to see a network of single christian sistas like myself. I will continously keep all of you in my prayers and I pray that you do the same for me.


 

Thanks, mz tracy 25,

it's wonderful knowing that there are people out there praying for me, and I will continue to keep you all in my prayers as well


----------



## loolalooh

misstobz said:


> If you dont mind me asking how did you come to this conclusion?


 
It's hard to say.  I just felt it in my spirit.  Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me.  The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will.  Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband.  Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me.  It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone.  My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.  

I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc.  I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday.  But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.).  I think it has more so to do with my history with God.  I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating.  I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.  

Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb.  A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first.  We'll see.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

loolalooh said:


> It's hard to say.  I just felt it in my spirit.  Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me.  The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will.  Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband.  Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me.  It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone.  My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.
> 
> I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc.  I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday.  But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.).  I think it has more so to do with my history with God.  I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating.  I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.
> 
> Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb.  A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first.  We'll see.



I understand what you are saying.  But to be honest, very few people know how God intends for them to meet their mate if they are destined to have a mate.  I don't think you should view the accident in a bad light.  It's not like you were being disobedient.  There is no harm in going to a speed dating event just to have fun.


----------



## Nicole9

I think we all feel somewhat discouraged at times, but we all have to remember to keep our faith in God. He would not have put such a strong desire in our hearts if he was not going to fill it. Psalms 37:4 says "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart". I know my brother just got engaged and even though he is five years older me, I did feel a pand of jealousy. I had to repent and remember my time will come. Hang in there everybody!


----------



## misstobz

loolalooh said:


> It's hard to say. I just felt it in my spirit. Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me. The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will. Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband. Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me. It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone. My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.
> 
> I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc. I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday. But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.). I think it has more so to do with my history with God. I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating. I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.
> 
> Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb. A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first. We'll see.


 
Thanks for expanding on this. I just wanted to know how God was communicating to you. I have to come to understand that having a strong intimate relationship with Him including a pure heart and mind is key.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

here is a song that touched my heart the first time I heard it:  The One He Kept For Me.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sE40VAIpfI


----------



## Natural Love

southernstyle said:


> Hello Natural Love,
> 
> I read the above, I immediately said a prayer for you. I've been where you are. I'm in a relationship for the first time in over a decade (please don't let THAT make you sad, this was needed for my journey; our walks are all different). I just want to encourage you to hold on; our Father does know and want what's best for us, and He'll grant it to us in His perfect timing. Talking from experience, it IS difficult when we see love surrounding us and we're without. While yes we're happy for our friends, it does make us more aware of our deep desires. During those times for me I was just always there for my friends encouraging them as best I could while continuing to hold on and and believe God that if it was His will then there would be love for me too in His timing. Natural Love, I would encourage you to hold on. God will come through for you, and when He does, it will be worth the wait (I'm can attest to this too)! I would encourage you to take this time to draw closer to God to really allow Him to fill those unmet desires as only He can. God does has someone that he is preparing just for you (and He is preparing you just for him) and in His perfect timing you two will be presented to one another. In the meantime we're all here to encourage you!


 
Thank you so much for this.  I know that God's will is best.  Speaking from past experiences when I 'helped' God out by finding my own mate, I ended up in a  worse predicament than if I had just stayed single.  I pray and am there for my friends and stay busy for when they are out with their men.  But like you said, it can be a challenge.  I need to pray for patience during this time because that's where I feel I am lacking.  If I had patience, then it probably wouldn't bother me as much being alone during this time.

I will continue to pray for all of you, too.

God bless.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

Nicole9 said:


> I think we all feel somewhat discouraged at times, but we all have to remember to keep our faith in God. He would not have put such a strong desire in our hearts if he was not going to fill it. Psalms 37:4 says "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart". I



I think the best way to avoid being discouraged is to not focus on it.  My mother always said a watched pot never boils.  I have to agree.  Sometimes I think we place a different priority on our desires than what God has placed.


----------



## julzinha

I just had a GREAT! talk with a friend today about relationships in terms of Christianity. I have never had a boyfriend and am abstinent. And I always wondered why I was never presented with the opportunity for a relationship and as I talked to her about things like emotional baggage and being boy crazed and letting relationships take all of your time and especially being in a relationship where you know you will not marry the person, I began to realize that I am actually very grateful and happy to have yet to be in a relationship. 

I feel like I have been able to concentrate on so many other things, but also observe the relationships around me and in high school, I saw girls dumbing themselves down because of guys, letting a relationship take up all their time when they should be studying, and letting a boy determine their self worth. And now at almost 19, I feel like I really did not need that in high school and my friend was telling me that she really wish she would have made better choices in terms of relationships. And she compiled a list of all the things she wants in a man so she knows she is not settling in terms of men. My other close friend has constantly told me that when the time is right it will happen and I always want the time to be now, but it doesn't work like that. But from being single for so long I feel like I have so much self worth and the last thing I would do is settle for less than I deserve. When it is time for me to be in love and have a husband, i will come ready and baggage free and ready for a real commitment. And at 18, hey I have time, I should enjoy myself. God knows when the time is right, if I have been single this long, what is a little longer.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

julieangel09 said:


> I just had a GREAT! talk with a friend today about relationships in terms of Christianity. I have never had a boyfriend and am abstinent. And I always wondered why I was never presented with the opportunity for a relationship and as I talked to her about things like emotional baggage and being boy crazed and letting relationships take all of your time and especially being in a relationship where you know you will not marry the person, I began to realize that I am actually very grateful and happy to have yet to be in a relationship.
> 
> I feel like I have been able to concentrate on so many other things, but also observe the relationships around me and in high school, I saw girls dumbing themselves down because of guys, letting a relationship take up all their time when they should be studying, and letting a boy determine their self worth. And now at almost 19, I feel like I really did not need that in high school and my friend was telling me that she really wish she would have made better choices in terms of relationships. And she compiled a list of all the things she wants in a man so she knows she is not settling in terms of men. My other close friend has constantly told me that when the time is right it will happen and I always want the time to be now, but it doesn't work like that. But from being single for so long I feel like I have so much self worth and the last thing I would do is settle for less than I deserve. When it is time for me to be in love and have a husband, i will come ready and baggage free and ready for a real commitment. And at 18, hey I have time, I should enjoy myself. God knows when the time is right, if I have been single this long, what is a little longer.



Well said.  The things you stated above are some of the main reasons I do not want a relationship right now.  Loving a man can be an emotional roller coaster and I don't have time or energy for that.  It can affect you in was that are detrimental to your education, your career, and many other things.  I prefer being able to think clearly about things.  I too believe that when the time is right, if a woman is meant to be married, she will be.  I tend to tell people to ignore these statistics about the ratio of men and women, the divorce rate, and the statistics about how many Black women are married.  It doesn't matter.  

And you are right, at 18 you have plenty of time.  Enjoy your freedom.


----------



## julzinha

^^^^ I know. Talking to my friend like that was the first time in my life I had ever connected the dots in my brain in terms of relationships. I always saw girls with boyfriends and they look so happy and I wanted that, but I ignored the fact that happiness is just one part of a relationship, it truly is an emotional roller coaster. And instead of rushing myself and ending up with a person that I know I won't marry or put me on this roller coaster I can wait.


----------



## ToyToy

loolalooh said:


> It's hard to say.  I just felt it in my spirit.  Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me.  The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will.  Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband.  Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me.  It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone.  My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.
> 
> I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc.  I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday.  But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.).  I think it has more so to do with my history with God.  I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating.  I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.
> 
> Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb.  A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first.  We'll see.


Gosh, I haven't been around in a while.

I understand what you are saying. It's not something that can't be explained. It's just something you know. That doesn't mean it is wrong to meet someone at a speed dating event- it just means that it is not something God wants *for you*.


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

ToyToy said:


> Gosh, I haven't been around in a while.



Me too!  It's a shame b/c a lot of encouragement and support can be drawn from this thread. 

I share a lot of the same sentiments you ladies that have written in the thread recently.  I bounce around between the desire to just have male companionship and attention, a serious relationship, and a God-ordained marriage.  It is really hard man.  And *it's a daily struggle*.  I don't like to talk about it because I feel like a lot of women in my church look up to me as an example of independent single Christian woman.  But internally I'm a dying for that pure partnership of love and friendship. 

I'm unsure of whether this is healthy or not but I'm currently trying to not even dwell on the aspect of my future mate.  If these thoughts come to my mind or if I begin to place males in my circle within the "what-if-he-is-my-husband" scenario I immediately refocus my thoughts on something else and pray about my desires.

I also liked what nicole? I believe said.  He wouldn't put such a strong desire in my heart if He weren't going to fulfill it.  So I'm just gonna trust Him and hold on a little while longer.  I'm going to keep every woman in the thread in my prayers as well.


----------



## Nicole9

a_ caribbean_dream said:


> Me too! It's a shame b/c a lot of encouragement and support can be drawn from this thread.
> 
> I share a lot of the same sentiments you ladies that have written in the thread recently. I bounce around between the desire to just have male companionship and attention, a serious relationship, and a God-ordained marriage. It is really hard man. And *it's a daily struggle*. I don't like to talk about it because I feel like a lot of women in my church look up to me as an example of independent single Christian woman. But internally I'm a dying for that pure partnership of love and friendship.
> 
> I'm unsure of whether this is healthy or not but I'm currently trying to not even dwell on the aspect of my future mate. If these thoughts come to my mind or if I begin to place males in my circle within the "what-if-he-is-my-husband" scenario I immediately refocus my thoughts on something else and pray about my desires.
> 
> I also liked what nicole? I believe said. He wouldn't put such a strong desire in my heart if He weren't going to fulfill it. So I'm just gonna trust Him and hold on a little while longer. I'm going to keep every woman in the thread in my prayers as well.


 
I definitely feel you. All we can do is pray and thank God for our answer.


----------



## foxee

How's it going ladies?


----------



## loolalooh

Thanks for bumping this.  It's been difficult but I'm hanging in there.  Last week was what would've been the 3-yr anniversary of my ex and I.  It's been crazy because it was also the week where I noticed a lot of couples that reminded me of us (physically speaking).  It was too creepy.  In some ways, I think the enemy was trying to get at me.  That's a whole other story but the point is it was pretty bad.  I even had a dream about him too.  

Each time he entered my mind, I reminded myself that I'm better off here than there ...  That he was not the one intended for me ... That I'm happier drawing closer to Him than away from Him.

It's weird because I don't miss his spirit.  I miss having the companionship, the jokes, the things we did together, but not his spirit.  When I realize that much, it becomes even more clear what I want in a future husband.  I want to be drawn to his spirit ... and the way I'll be drawn is if he loves God so much it's enticing.

Whooo, that was a long post.  Yea, it's been difficult, but I'm staying strong and the moment is passing.

How are you and everyone else doing?


----------



## foxee

loolalooh said:


> Thanks for bumping this.  It's been difficult but I'm hanging in there.  Last week was what would've been the 3-yr anniversary of my ex and I.  It's been crazy because it was also the week where I noticed a lot of couples that reminded me of us (physically speaking).  It was too creepy.  In some ways, I think the enemy was trying to get at me.  That's a whole other story but the point is it was pretty bad.  I even had a dream about him too.


 



loolalooh said:


> How are you and everyone else doing?



I'm doing pretty well.  I briefly hit a rough patch last week, but I got over it.  It's wedding season and it seems like I can't look anywhere without seeing the words marriage, wedding, or engaged!  It's like those words and images are haunting me daily! 

As previously posted, I am basically keeping these frustrations to myself,  with the exception of my LHCF sisters of course.   

I'm temporarily in my hometown until I move to a new city this summer and all of my friends are married - the exact opposite of all of my friends back in Atlanta.  I'm getting all of the usual questions - why am I'm not married yet, am I dating someone special.  I have to admit it's a little awkward and overwhelming at times.  

On a more positive note, I am looking forward to getting out there and dating again once I move.  I've been praying and reading my Bible first thing the morning before I do anything else.  I'm enjoying my daily  conversations with the Lord.


----------



## julzinha

So far so good! I keep reading what I wrote in my post to remind me of what I need to be focused on. Sometimes it does get hard because I always think that I am perfectly normal, but what is so wrong with me that I have never been in a relationship, but everyone else around me has. But I am getting rid of that mentality because it brings so much self loathing and negativity, it just is not my time yet and I accept that and hopefully when it does come I will be ready emotionally.


----------



## loolalooh

foxee said:


> I'm doing pretty well. I briefly hit a rough patch last week, but I got over it. It's wedding season and it seems like I can't look anywhere without seeing the words marriage, wedding, or engaged! It's like those words and images are haunting me daily!
> 
> As previously posted, I am basically keeping these frustrations to myself, with the exception of my LHCF sisters of course.
> 
> I'm temporarily in my hometown until I move to a new city this summer and all of my friends are married - the exact opposite of all of my friends back in Atlanta. I'm getting all of the usual questions - why am I'm not married yet, am I dating someone special. I have to admit it's a little awkward and overwhelming at times.
> 
> On a more positive note, I am looking forward to getting out there and dating again once I move. I've been praying and reading my Bible first thing the morning before I do anything else. I'm enjoying my daily conversations with the Lord.


 
Thanks for the big ole hug.   

Yea, the wedding season alone can be haunting.  I feel you.  

Conversations with the Lord certainly do help.  Otherwise, I think I would've cried my eyes last week.  Lol.  It's good that you're looking forward and not allowing the married/dating questions in.  That's one thing I'm realizing about us all ... we can't let what the world thinks/says affect us.  He will bring us the right husband in His time.



julieangel09 said:


> So far so good! I keep reading what I wrote in my post to remind me of what I need to be focused on. Sometimes it does get hard because I always think that I am perfectly normal, but what is so wrong with me that I have never been in a relationship, but everyone else around me has. *But I am getting rid of that mentality because it brings so much self loathing and negativity*, *it just is not my time yet and I accept that and hopefully when it does come I will be ready emotionally*.


 
Yes, yes.  Stay strong, girl.  Stay positive and focused.


----------



## Natural Love

I am so glad that I am not alone in the way that I am feeling.  Weddings, engagements, strong relationships are all around me but avoiding me like the plague.  And the best part, my best friend went to Vegas this past weekend and got married.  The bad thing is that when they got together, she rarely had time for me.  So now, I've lost a best friend in the process of everything else.  I had a breakdown and you do start to feel unworthy.  I am just trying to stay focused and realize that God knows what's best for me and I have to have patience.  It gets really, really hard and discouraging at times.

I will keep all of you in my prayers!!!


----------



## Queen314

divya said:


> Thank you for this thread.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I can relate to both of you. My relationship lasted around 4 years and ended last summer. We were engaged, but I prayed to the Lord about it, to show me what to do. He answered. It's difficult because I just didn't want to start over again. But it was a blessing! God is good.
> 
> My prayer is that we all let God lead us.


 
This is my situation now. We were friend then we dated. After about six years we got engaged, went through marriage counseling with our pastor, then now.....no longer engaged. It hurts.....it really hurts bad. I'm having a difficult time with this. He still wants the sister/brother in church relationship. But I can't hear that right now. Wow....just a lot of hurt.

Oh sorry, of this feels intrusive. I feel like this thread is an answer to some prayers. I've subscribed, and would like to join.


----------



## Queen314

Prudent1 said:


> This has been posted here before but I will post again. Not limiting our discussions to marriage but I know that is something some people desire...
> *Knowing God’s Plan for You Regarding Marriage*
> Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my desire to find a godly husband (wife). Lord, I trust in, lean on, rely on and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or be disappointed; let not my enemies, the spirits of rejection, hurt, inferiority, or unworthiness triumph over me (Psalm 25).
> Heavenly Father, it is written, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you”, says the Lord, “thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” says the Lord (Jeremiah 29:11-14 amp)
> Heavenly Father, I am looking for Your plan, Your answer for my life. It is my desire to be married. But I must be sure in my decision that I am living as You intend and than I am accepting whatever situation You have put me into. According to Your Word, marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life.
> Lord you weigh the spirits, the thoughts and the intents of the heart (Proverbs 16:2), therefore, I give them wholly to You. I ask that You cause my thoughts to become agreeable to Your will, and so shall my plans be established and succeed. Because You Lord, are my Shepherd and I have everything I need! I trust to You my life, Lord, that You will let me rest in the meadow grass and lead me beside the quiet streams. You will give me new strength and help me do what honors and glorifies You the most. Heavenly Father, help me to not be afraid, and to know that You are close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way as I seek Your will for my life. Lord teach me to always pray and not to faint, lose heart, or give up that I may know Your will for my life. I ask You Lord to give me strength to accept Your will even if that means that it is not Your will for me to be married at this time (Luke 18:1). In Jesus Name I pray. AMEN!


 
WOW!
That really spoke to me right now! I should have continued to read before the last post. Thanks Prudent1


----------



## nathansgirl1908

Prudent1 said:


> marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life.



This is why I'm so content right now about not being married, and to be honest, this is why I wonder if I really WANT to get married. 


There's that saying, be careful what you pray for.  I think people need to be mindful of that.  

Thanks for posting that prayer.  I missed it the first few times I posted in here.

Also, be mindful that being surrounded by weddings and relationships is also a test.  Are you going to be happy for those people and rejoice with them?  Or are you going to be bitter and question why them and not you?  Joel Osteen talked about this in one of his sermons.  And I have found it to be reality.  When there is something you desire, while you don't have it, it will seem like everyone else around you has it.  And you have to really fight that urge to be bitter or upset.


----------



## foxee

nathansgirl1908 said:


> T
> 
> Also, be mindful that being surrounded by weddings and relationships is also a test.  Are you going to be happy for those people and rejoice with them?  Or are you going to be bitter and question why them and not you?  Joel Osteen talked about this in one of his sermons.  And I have found it to be reality.  When there is something you desire, while you don't have it, it will seem like everyone else around you has it.  And you have to really fight that urge to be bitter or upset.



The thanks button was not enough!  You're so right, it really is a test.  There is a thread around here somewhere, I think in the relationship forum, about engaged ladies holding back their happiness for the sake of their single friends.  I would hate to be viewed as one of these women.  Not only is it bad for a friendship but jealously and envy are sins according to the Bible.  

My time will come!


----------



## misstobz

Queen314 said:


> This is my situation now. We were friend then we dated. After about six years we got engaged, went through marriage counseling with our pastor, then now.....no longer engaged. It hurts.....it really hurts bad. I'm having a difficult time with this. He still wants the sister/brother in church relationship. But I can't hear that right now. Wow....just a lot of hurt.
> 
> Oh sorry, of this feels intrusive. I feel like this thread is an answer to some prayers. I've subscribed, and would like to join.


 
Im so sorry you are going through this. Breakups are very difficult. Welcome to the thread :Rose:


----------



## Angelicus

Checking,

It's not easy, but I am thankful that I am not alone. Thank you for this thread. For the past week I had a pang of loneliness. I currently attend ministry school and learning more about God's character, in addition to his love for us. I am overwhelmed by how much he cares for us in our time of want and trouble.

I pray everyday that I become the person He wants me to be. Everything else will come soon. Thank you for your prayers.


----------



## BrandNew

Hi sisters,

I was watching this thread for a while and scared to post. Even though I just started dating I still consider myself single. 

I don't know if this book was mentioned before but I'm reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is truly an amazing book and helping me to lay the foundation for the kind of Godly relationship I am trusting God for. I highly recommend it!! I'm reading it with my best friend and I think it would make a good book club read if anyone is interested.


----------



## foxee

BrandNew said:


> Hi sisters,
> 
> I was watching this thread for a while and scared to post. Even though I just started dating I still consider myself single.
> 
> I don't know if this book was mentioned before but I'm reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is truly an amazing book and helping me to lay the foundation for the kind of Godly relationship I am trusting God for. I highly recommend it!! I'm reading it with my best friend and I think it would make a good book club read if anyone is interested.



Wow, the used copies are really cheap!  I'll definitely pick up a copy.  Thanks!


----------



## dr.j

nathansgirl1908 said:


> This is why I'm so content right now about not being married, and to be honest, this is why I wonder if I really WANT to get married.
> 
> 
> There's that saying, be careful what you pray for. I think people need to be mindful of that.
> 
> Thanks for posting that prayer. I missed it the first few times I posted in here.
> 
> Also, be mindful that being surrounded by weddings and relationships is also a test. *Are you going to be happy for those people and rejoice with them?* Or are you going to be bitter and question why them and not you? Joel Osteen talked about this in one of his sermons. And I have found it to be reality. When there is something you desire, while you don't have it, it will seem like everyone else around you has it. And you have to really fight that urge to be bitter or upset.


 
Very true at the bolded.  I don't remember the preacher who said something like this: Imagine you are line for your blessing (e.g., marriage).  We need to rejoice when God blesses others because that means the line is moving!  So whenever I hear the news of an engagement, I praise God because that means the line is moving and  I'm getting closer to my blessing.  A woman at my church actually changed her license plate to read STY N LNE (Stay in Line).

Stay in line ladies!


----------



## nathansgirl1908

dr.j said:


> Very true at the bolded.  I don't remember the preacher who said something like this: Imagine you are line for your blessing (e.g., marriage).  We need to rejoice when God blesses others because that means the line is moving!  So whenever I hear the news of an engagement, I praise God because that means the line is moving and  I'm getting closer to my blessing.  A woman at my church actually changed her license plate to read STY N LNE (Stay in Line).
> 
> Stay in line ladies!



I love it!!


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

This thread is really a blessing.  A friend of mine just got married, I know I'm young but I can't help but to feel a little anxious about the future, my future husband, etc.  I'm also a major planner so that isn't helping.  

While I was in church today, I felt a voice tell me that I need to go into my prayer closet to tell everything to Jesus, every last thing that is on my mind. That is what I plan to do.

Thanks for re-posting the prayer *Queen314*.


----------



## nathansgirl1908

a_ caribbean_dream said:


> While I was in church today, I felt a voice tell me that I need to go into my prayer closet to tell everything to Jesus, every last thing that is on my mind. That is what I plan to do.



Work it girl!    The prayer closet is a beautiful thing.  

Be blessed!


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

BrandNew said:


> Hi sisters,
> 
> I was watching this thread for a while and scared to post. Even though I just started dating I still consider myself single.
> 
> I don't know if this book was mentioned before but I'm reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is truly an amazing book and helping me to lay the foundation for the kind of Godly relationship I am trusting God for. I highly recommend it!! I'm reading it with my best friend and I think it would make a good book club read if anyone is interested.


 
I love that book!!!


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

I'm doing okay.  I've been challanged recently in my singlehood to be obedient.  This has meant confessing and repenting continuously to God about my insecurities, my feelings, my sin, my desires, everything and all of it.  I've had to limit or eliminate conversations with certain male friends because it leaves me in a bad place and I start to justify my sin.

I've found that staying involved in ministry, talking and praying with friends has definitely helped put things in perspective.  I hosted a Christian slumber party this past weekend and it was just such a blessing to have numerous single women of different backgrounds, ages, etc just share verses of encouragement, discuss, and pray together.  I know I can't stay too busy or I'm just ignoring my struggles which isn't healthy either.  I'm working on putting myself back into that contented single Christian woman mindset despite the marriages, engagements, courtships, etc.  I am becoming happier each day.  Thank God!


----------



## loolalooh

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> I'm doing okay. I've been challanged recently in my singlehood to be obedient. This has meant confessing and repenting continuously to God about my insecurities, my feelings, my sin, my desires, everything and all of it. I've had to limit or eliminate conversations with certain male friends because it leaves me in a bad place and I start to justify my sin.
> 
> I've found that staying involved in ministry, talking and praying with friends has definitely helped put things in perspective. I *hosted a Christian slumber party this past weekend and it was just such a blessing to have numerous single women of different backgrounds, ages, etc just share verses of encouragement, discuss, and pray together. *I know I can't stay too busy or I'm just ignoring my struggles which isn't healthy either. I'm working on putting myself back into that contented single Christian woman mindset despite the marriages, engagements, courtships, etc. I am becoming happier each day. Thank God!


 
This is an amazing idea!  I wish there was something similar in my area.

Glad to hear that you are trying to stay focused.  Hang in there!


----------



## nubiennze

It _is_ an amazing idea...I'm thinking I'm going to host one myself. 



loolalooh said:


> This is an amazing idea!  I wish there was something similar in my area.
> 
> Glad to hear that you are trying to stay focused.  Hang in there!


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

The funny thing about our slumber parties is that it started innocently.  One night we all went out to go eat and it was getting late and it was a 45minute drive back home so one of the girls invited us to stay over, there were like 7 of us.  We started talking about various issues and problems and one girl was telling us about her recent courtship and premarital class.  We stayed up talking all night about different issues as single Christians and the book Emotional Purity that some of us were reading for a book club. It was so great to just share with Christians and form deeper relationships with women.

It just became a once a month thing from there on out.  It's not always so structured but it is always a blessing to just have a night with the Ladies.  It doesn't feel right if we don't get together.  It has grown in number with each month as we bring in new friends from our church.  This month I hosted a big slumber party with 18 of us.  Everyone enjoyed it and had a good time, eating, talking, getting to know each other and worshiping the Lord.  I'm looking forward to next month.


----------



## loolalooh

nubiennze said:


> It _is_ an amazing idea...I'm thinking I'm going to host one myself.



True.  Maybe I'll get up the nerve to suggest this to the women's ministry.  Hmm.



Vonnieluvs08 said:


> The funny thing about our slumber parties is that it started innocently.  One night we all went out to go eat and it was getting late and it was a 45minute drive back home so one of the girls invited us to stay over, there were like 7 of us.  We started talking about various issues and problems and one girl was telling us about her recent courtship and premarital class.  We stayed up talking all night about different issues as single Christians and the book Emotional Purity that some of us were reading for a book club. It was so great to just share with Christians and form deeper relationships with women.
> 
> It just became a once a month thing from there on out.  It's not always so structured but it is always a blessing to just have a night with the Ladies.  It doesn't feel right if we don't get together.  It has grown in number with each month as we bring in new friends from our church.  This month I hosted a big slumber party with 18 of us.  Everyone enjoyed it and had a good time, eating, talking, getting to know each other and worshiping the Lord.  I'm looking forward to next month.



Wow, I was reading this and living vicariously through the post.  It's great that you all have that community and commitment.


----------



## Natural Love

nathansgirl1908 said:


> Work it girl!  The prayer closet is a beautiful thing.
> 
> Be blessed!


 
Oh yeah...I was in the closet last night. Might just have to go in there again.


----------



## ToyToy

I haven't been around in a while, and I thought for a minute to post a new thread, but what I am about to share is also part of my life as a single Christian woman. 

After 15 months of unemployment I got a job !!!!!! I am posting my testimony below for encouragement for anyone who is believing God for a job. I hope it blesses you!



> A New Thing
> 
> For as long as I was employed, I had a sense of security. I knew that no matter how broke I was two weeks before payday, payday would most certainly come, and I would cross the bridge of how to survive the next month at its appointed time which, incidentally, was the twenty-first of every month. My biggest fear was losing my job. But the company I worked for had a very attractive redundancy package, so after being with the company for over six years, losing my job stopped being my biggest fear. And when I did lose my job in December 2008, the fear of not being able to find a new job, the fear of not having money, the fear of having to sign on at the job centre, the fear of getting entangled in the system and becoming a statistic, the fear of not being able to shop anymore, the fear of not having food in the house (and not out of personal choice), the fear of having nothing to do, the fear of losing my friends, the fear of losing my self-confidence, the fear of becoming dependent on people and the fear of losing brain cells along the way, replaced my initial fear instead.
> 
> In the space of fifteen months, God began to work on me in different areas:
> 
> God Readjusted My Sense of Security
> Everything I ever relied on was taken away from me – my job, my money, my friends (except one), my self-confidence and self-worth, my pride, and most importantly, control. In May 2009, God asked me how much I would trust Him when I “free-fall”. God told me that He was still God, whether I was cushioned (with money) or not. He told me that as long as I had money in my account, it was easy for me to trust Him because I was cushioned, but as soon as my money would be touched, I would begin to panic. “But”, said He, “I am still God, whether you have money in your account or not. My Word still stands.” And lastly, He told me that He wanted to show me how big a God He is.
> 
> God Readjusted My Attitude
> One of the hardest lectures I had to listen to came from a friend who told me that God would not move me until I adjusted my attitude. He told me that God would keep me, look after me, feed me, see to it that I would not lose my home, essentially, meet my needs, because that was His promise to me, however I would stay *here* until I learned the lesson. You see, I had become depressed, negative, resentful and bitter. I was angry with God - and later on, my friend - because they both “just didn’t get it”. It was only when I started praising God, when my circumstance told me otherwise, worshiping God, even when I did not feel like it, speaking God's Word, even when the facts rebelled against the truth, that I began to feel God’s Hand in my life.
> 
> God Brought People into My Life
> The people I thought would be there for me weren’t. Instead, God brought a new set of people into my life (most of whom I had previously known but was never close to). No matter how lonely the journey felt sometimes, I was never alone, but surrounded by people who truly cared for me.
> 
> God Taught Me How to Deal With It
> At my lowest point, just before I was about to take a dose of antidepressants my GP had prescribed for me, the Holy Spirit intervened and reminded me of my love for running. I found a route the very same day, and began running the next. My experience running was very parallel to what I was going through. I found that it was an uphill journey becoming fit, just like it had been an uphill journey trusting God. I also discovered that if God was faithful enough to give me the strength and motivation to run in heavy rain, through heavy winds, in deep snow and on ice, He would also give me the strength and motivation to deal with whatever life threw at me. People thought I was crazy, but faith sometimes does seem crazy.
> 
> God Introduced Himself to Me as Jehovah Jireh
> I truly have never felt God’s Hand my life as strongly as I have in the last fifteen months. In times where my sister and I had absolutely no food in the house and didn’t know how we would feed ourselves for the week, God sent someone to buy food into our home, give us money or buy us a meal day by day. During this time my sister and I lacked nothing.
> 
> God Introduced Himself as The One Who Hears
> Once I finally understood my rights as a child of the Living God, I began to realize that God truly hears us. One instance that sticks in my memory is when I told God that I hadn’t been shopping in a long time, and that I would love to buy myself a few new clothes. Within four days, a friend came to me and gave me a voucher for one of my favourite stores. This was just one of many, many instances.
> 
> God Introduced Himself as the God of Miracles
> My miracle is that after fifteen months of working on me, God presented me with two offers from huge international companies and told me to pick one, because I would prosper whichever way I chose to go. I had 5 interviews in the space of a week and saw a total of nine people. At the end of last week (26th of March), I was told that a decision would be reached the following week. One of the managers told me that, in this time, they would decide whether they wanted to call me for yet another interview or employ me on the spot. When I left the building I thanked God, but also told Him that I had no intention of going through another grilling interview. I told Him that I wanted both offers by the end of the day. I requested this, because I had a team prayer meeting the next day, and I wanted to go with my testimony in my hands. On Friday, 26th of March around 4.30pm I received a phone call from the first company with an offer. For about five minutes, all I could utter was that it was over, until I got a nudge and remembered that I must thank God. So I thanked God with tears in my eyes. He told me to wait for the second company. I thought this to be odd, as it was already past 5pm. Within approximately fifteen minutes, I received a call from the second company with an offer. In addition, my salary has almost doubled. The job I have accepted is perfect for me and fits me “to a T”.
> 
> The last fifteen months were hard, but the lessons I learned were priceless. I am most grateful that God never left my side, but also for our relationship. I do pray that next time I go through a refining period, I will be a bit more graceful .


----------



## Renovating

Congratulations Toy Toy.


----------



## loolalooh

Thank you for sharing, Toy Toy.  Amen!


----------



## foxee

Amazing testimony!  Congrats on your new job, Toy Toy!


----------



## milaydy31

Thanks for sharing. This is very revitalizing and encouraging to hear about experiences like that.
Congrats on your job!


----------



## PG480

Toy Toy that is an amazing testimony...very encouraging. Congratualations and God bless you on your new job.


----------



## ToyToy

Thank you, guys !!!!


----------



## Angelicus

I found out today my former fiance is now in an exclusive relationship. I think I cried for two hours.

Grieving time is over and now it is time to ask God for the strength to conquer each and every day. When I wake up, I am a living testimony to God's glory. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't even know who my future husband is, but I will continue to pray for him, too. In the meantime, I will be in Esther-style preparation. 

God brought me out of Egypt and brought me to an oasis in the middle of a desert (Arizona). I vow to never have a relationship filled with sin. I will be on the right hand at the throne of God with my decisions, actions, and choices. I choose to serve him.

I will not listen to the enemy about loneliness because I am NOT lonely. I AM loved!


----------



## Angelicus

ToyToy, I just read your post. The Holy Spirit has just come over me to comfort me and I can sleep soundly knowing that he is the God of provision and promise. Thank you so much for typing this for all of us.


----------



## ToyToy

Angelicus said:


> ToyToy, I just read your post. The Holy Spirit has just come over me to comfort me and I can sleep soundly knowing that he is the God of provision and promise. Thank you so much for typing this for all of us.


Thank you !!!! I just read our post about your former fiance...God will bring your own partner into your life, and when He does, it will be like a dream, that's how awesome it will be! Just hold on!!!


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

Toy Toy..thank you for that powerful testimony.  God is awesome!!


----------



## Natural Love

Toy Toy....great testimony and thank you so much for sharing!

Angelicus.  Keep your head up, girl.  God is making something so special for you it'll blow your mind.

Prayers to all!!!!


----------



## TemiLnd

Thank you for starting this thread. This is so relevant to me and I have read all 13 pages. Some of the words written have been wonderful to read. I am 27 and a single Christian woman. I always figured I’d be married by 28, first kid by 30. Well how wrong was I (on the married by 28 part.) I had my reasons all wrong.

_Preamble: Most of my friends that are my age and younger have been getting married in the last 2 years and more for this year. At first I started off happy for them but I have found the green monster of jealousy showing its ugly head once in a while. Especially when in Dec 2008 (26 years) my uncle told me I was old by 'Nigerian" standards and he needs to find me a husband._

At the end of 2009 when I turned 27, I realised I felt lost and alone. I had lived in the US for 2.5 years and didn't want to return to the UK. I believed I had finally been found by a God fearing man who was ready to settle down etc. Well it didn’t happen how I thought but the great thing is we were both celibate and strong in God. I served in church with the teens and found my way with God as He brought me through too many obstacles. But after a few months of not being able to find a job, my faith started to dwindle and then the great guy and I went separate ways.

I returned to the UK in Dec 2009, looking for a job and wanting to settle down and be married seemed to be my focus. But at the start of 2010, I realised I needed to turn back to my Daddy. I found that I had stopped serving, stopped reading my Bible, and stopped prayer (only out of need). Well I refocused my sights on God, joined a new church and went on a women's conference this w/e. I have been gathering knowledge to help my walk with God and by faith I sponsored a child in the Dominican Republic.

[ToyToy - I am so there with you. After 8 months I finally started my new job today.] It has been a hard struggle for me. Right now I am just thankful to the Lord for my job and my study of His word. I believe my husband is out there but right now I want to focus on understanding what marriage is and if I am truly ready for it. I definitely want to get married but only when God has finished working on me. I want to be whole when I am joined with my husband.


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

Ladies please don't stone me but when I read some of your post and I really don't see the things happen for you to happen for me..maybe I'm not one of those who take time while unemployed loser time to dig my heels in religion.I know some will say then you must not be a christian.I sometimes doubt that I am even a believer because as much as I try to believe that I'm changing the more I see nothing is happening.I still have the same ugly fear and still view myself as disgusting waste of life.

The only aspect that has changed has been my desire to take my own life at my own hand..I believe that only because if I fail it's very costly money wise.I wish I could be solid about relationships but I would love to be acknowledged into existence of being a woman..no man compliments me at all..yet I see other women get all the affection bc they look a certain way..but then I'm told I don't need makeup..

I swear God made me as a joke..I try to believe oh God is going to send me a job,Im not going go be homeless in July but all I see is me without anything..I so want to believe that I will be ok but I just don't know..maybe if God out there for me I won't be a homeless dateless college graduate.


----------



## dicapr

I understand where you are coming from.  However, alot of the times the change is two stepped.  Before things change for us as Chrisitians, we often have to learn to rely and trust completely on God.  We have to understand and be prepared for the fact that what God's plans and his intentions for us maynot be our own.  It is only when we get there we are able to see a change in our lives.  Sometimes the circumstances of our struggle do not change at all.  It is our attitude and sense of security that gives us the strength for what we are going thru.  As our wants and prays fall into line with God's plans for our future we begin to see a change.  When we start looking and following God's plans for our lives things always seem to happen.  Things start to work "out".  The real change is allowing ourselves to be shaped and bent to his plans for us rather than going off on paths where our greatest blessings are not to be had.  Also, it is o.k. to feel down and discouraged.  The christian walks has its ups and downs.  Sometimes it feels like it will happen for everyone but us.  Be strong in this down season and remember that it is only for a season.  Things will get better.


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

So I have come out of denial about "this guy" I like at my church.  I told my bff who keeps me accountable.  I met him in January at my Small Group meeting (Bible study) we introduced ourselves had a brief convo (I was a tad mean) and that was it.  I didn't pay him any more attention.  

I kept attending my small group meetings week after week as normal.  We would give that weird hug you give Christians of the opposite sex, say a few words and go on our way.  So about 3 weeks ago the person who runs this particular bible study commented about the good work that "this guy" did in the IT/Media Ministry.  Well this got my attention because I'm the administrator for the Women's Ministry and we wanted to get our own web page on the church site.  So after the study I asked him which part of IT/Media he worked in and low and behold its the Web Page, so I tell him I'll get stuff together so he can get our page up.

Well after this encounter which in my mind was no different then any of our others things changed between us (it least on my side).  I was seeing all the Godly things about him (how he prayed, his love for his family, his work in ministry) as well as the physical.  I dismissed it as a crush but I think it's a bit more than that.

I've tried to distance myself from him, limiting the interactions, not reading into the situation to keep myself pure and the same for him, especially because I don't know what his intention, if any, are. I don't know much about him in general because he's quiet, lives kinda far from the church, and doesn't hang out with the normal crowd I associate with at church, if anybody.  I don't even know how old he is. I'm just praying for guidance and wisdom and that I don't get distracted from my ministry work by these new feelings.  Honestly I don't know what to do

Sorry for the long post.  I just feel free now that I've told someone.


----------



## Raspberry

^^^Vonnieluvs I think your heart is in the right place.  

Don't get down on yourself for having a crush  It's normal to develop feelings for a man with good qualities..you're a young single woman .  It's what you do with the feelings that is important.  Continually release your feelings to God and ask Him to mold your will and keep your heart right.

I think it's fine wanting to know more about him in a natural way, be friendly, etc. but other than that it's up to him to make a move if that's meant to be.


----------



## loolalooh

GoddessMaker said:


> Ladies please don't stone me but when I read some of your post and I really don't see the things happen for you to happen for me..maybe I'm not one of those who take time while unemployed loser time to dig my heels in religion.I know some will say then you must not be a christian.I sometimes doubt that I am even a believer because as much as I try to believe that I'm changing the more I see nothing is happening.I still have the same ugly fear and still view myself as disgusting waste of life.
> 
> The only aspect that has changed has been my desire to take my own life at my own hand..I believe that only because if I fail it's very costly money wise.I wish I could be solid about relationships but I would love to be acknowledged into existence of being a woman..no man compliments me at all..yet I see other women get all the affection bc they look a certain way..but then I'm told I don't need makeup..
> 
> I swear God made me as a joke..I try to believe oh God is going to send me a job,Im not going go be homeless in July but all I see is me without anything..I so want to believe that I will be ok but I just don't know..maybe if God out there for me I won't be a homeless dateless college graduate.


 


dicapr said:


> I understand where you are coming from. However, alot of the times the change is two stepped. Before things change for us as Chrisitians, we often have to learn to rely and trust completely on God. We have to understand and be prepared for the fact that what God's plans and his intentions for us maynot be our own. It is only when we get there we are able to see a change in our lives. Sometimes the circumstances of our struggle do not change at all. It is our attitude and sense of security that gives us the strength for what we are going thru. As our wants and prays fall into line with God's plans for our future we begin to see a change. When we start looking and following God's plans for our lives things always seem to happen. Things start to work "out". The real change is allowing ourselves to be shaped and bent to his plans for us rather than going off on paths where our greatest blessings are not to be had. Also, it is o.k. to feel down and discouraged. The christian walks has its ups and downs. Sometimes it feels like it will happen for everyone but us. Be strong in this down season and remember that it is only for a season. Things will get better.


 
Dicapr, God is really speaking through you. Goddessmaker, no one will stone you. It is natural to look around us and get discouraged. However, fight hard and draw encouragement from Dicapr's post and the Holy Spirit. 

When I look around me I see: weddings left and right, engagements left and right, the statistics 'saying' that 70% of black women are unmarried, my friends in their 30s who still haven't met the one, me approaching 30 and still healing from past baggage, the small pool of "worthwhile" men around me, tons of smart beautiful women to "compete" against, etc.

If I let all these "physical" realities penetrate me, I'd get really depressed, lose hope, and lose my mind. You and all of us have to focus on the truth -- which lies in Him. The truth is He doesn't wish for any of us to be alone. He didn't wish for Adam to be alone and thus created Eve. *The truth is He is able and can bring us the right man despite what our natural eye tells us.*  He is faithful and we must remain in faith. 

The only man who's compliments will matter is your future husband; forget about those other dudes. And what will draw your future husband to you is not merely your physical but more importantly *your spirit.  *Go ahead and let those women gets all the *worldy affection* they get because of how they look.  Your husband's love, which will be a reflection of God's love, is priceless and worth more.

Don't listen to those lies (disgusting waste of life, a joke) anymore.  Stay in the Word ... in the Truth.


----------



## loolalooh

Raspberry said:


> ^^^Vonnieluvs I think your heart is in the right place.
> 
> Don't get down on yourself for having a crush It's normal to develop feelings for a man with good qualities..you're a young single woman . It's what you do with the feelings that is important. Continually release your feelings to God and ask Him to mold your will and keep your heart right.
> 
> I think it's fine wanting to know more about him in a natural way, be friendly, etc. but other than that it's up to him to make a move if that's meant to be.


 
Cosign big time.  And no need to actively distance yourself ... unless that is what God wants you to do.  Let things take their natural course.


----------



## Mis007

GoddessMaker said:


> Ladies please don't stone me but when I read some of your post and I really don't see the things happen for you to happen for me..maybe I'm not one of those who take time while unemployed loser time to dig my heels in religion.I know some will say then you must not be a christian.I sometimes doubt that I am even a believer because as much as I try to believe that I'm changing the more I see nothing is happening.I still have the same ugly fear and still view myself as disgusting waste of life.
> 
> The only aspect that has changed has been my desire to take my own life at my own hand..I believe that only because if I fail it's very costly money wise.I wish I could be solid about relationships but I would love to be acknowledged into existence of being a woman..no man compliments me at all..yet I see other women get all the affection bc they look a certain way..but then I'm told I don't need makeup..
> 
> I swear God made me as a joke..I try to believe oh God is going to send me a job,Im not going go be homeless in July but all I see is me without anything..I so want to believe that I will be ok but I just don't know..maybe if God out there for me I won't be a homeless dateless college graduate.


 

Jesus said, “IF YOU CAN BELIEVE, all things are possible.” (Mark 9:23)...

*THINK IT & SAY IT:*
My life is getting easier not harder! I focus on the good things in my life. I refuse to focus on what’s gone wrong in my life. God has been good to me. I reverse worry and use my imagination to envision a worry-free life. I expect jobs, promotions and success to come my way, because I am a believer. My attitude of faith and expectation takes precedence over all other facts...beginning today, in Jesus Name. God bless...


----------



## ToyToy

TemiLnd said:


> Thank you for starting this thread. This is so relevant to me and I have read all 13 pages. Some of the words written have been wonderful to read. I am 27 and a single Christian woman. I always figured I’d be married by 28, first kid by 30. Well how wrong was I (on the married by 28 part.) I had my reasons all wrong.
> 
> _Preamble: Most of my friends that are my age and younger have been getting married in the last 2 years and more for this year. At first I started off happy for them but I have found the green monster of jealousy showing its ugly head once in a while. Especially when in Dec 2008 (26 years) my uncle told me I was old by 'Nigerian" standards and he needs to find me a husband._
> 
> At the end of 2009 when I turned 27, I realised I felt lost and alone. I had lived in the US for 2.5 years and didn't want to return to the UK. I believed I had finally been found by a God fearing man who was ready to settle down etc. Well it didn’t happen how I thought but the great thing is we were both celibate and strong in God. I served in church with the teens and found my way with God as He brought me through too many obstacles. But after a few months of not being able to find a job, my faith started to dwindle and then the great guy and I went separate ways.
> 
> I returned to the UK in Dec 2009, looking for a job and wanting to settle down and be married seemed to be my focus. But at the start of 2010, I realised I needed to turn back to my Daddy. I found that I had stopped serving, stopped reading my Bible, and stopped prayer (only out of need). Well I refocused my sights on God, joined a new church and went on a women's conference this w/e. I have been gathering knowledge to help my walk with God and by faith I sponsored a child in the Dominican Republic.
> 
> [ToyToy - I am so there with you. After 8 months I finally started my new job today.] It has been a hard struggle for me. Right now I am just thankful to the Lord for my job and my study of His word. I believe my husband is out there but right now I want to focus on understanding what marriage is and if I am truly ready for it. I definitely want to get married but only when God has finished working on me. I want to be whole when I am joined with my husband.


Hey Temi, congratulations on your job !!!!!!
I know how you feel about everyone getting married and feeling "old". I'm 33 next month, so you don't want to know what goes through my head sometimes . I too thought I would have my first child at 30 (I remember telling someone at 27 that I wanted to be sorted out financially by age 30, so I can have my first child by then). God has different plans for us (His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither are our ways His ways), and we don't always understand what He is doing, but it is always worth it in the end. We just have to keep holding on to the fact that His plans for us are of peace and not of evil, to give us a hope and a future (Jer 29:11) .


----------



## ToyToy

GoddessMaker said:


> Ladies please don't stone me but when I read some of your post and I really don't see the things happen for you to happen for me..maybe I'm not one of those who take time while unemployed loser time to dig my heels in religion.I know some will say then you must not be a christian.I sometimes doubt that I am even a believer because as much as I try to believe that I'm changing the more I see nothing is happening.I still have the same ugly fear and still view myself as disgusting waste of life.
> 
> The only aspect that has changed has been my desire to take my own life at my own hand..I believe that only because if I fail it's very costly money wise.I wish I could be solid about relationships but I would love to be acknowledged into existence of being a woman..no man compliments me at all..yet I see other women get all the affection bc they look a certain way..but then I'm told I don't need makeup..
> 
> I swear God made me as a joke..I try to believe oh God is going to send me a job,Im not going go be homeless in July but all I see is me without anything..I so want to believe that I will be ok but I just don't know..maybe if God out there for me I won't be a homeless dateless college graduate.



GoddessMaker, are you depressed? I'm sorry you are feeling this way. In now way does anyone have everything "figured out" - I don't think that ever really happens. I sense a lot of negativity (towards yourself) from your post. Do you have someone to talk to?

You have to change how your view yourself and your life, because whatever think of yourself will be mirrored in reality. You probably know this already, but sometimes it's good to hear it again. You have to change your thought pattern and believe that God truly loves you and wants you to be happy. And if He took out so much time to create you (Psalm 139), you are definitely *not* "a waste of life". If you do want to chat, feel free to PM me!!



Mis007 said:


> Jesus said, “IF YOU CAN BELIEVE, all things are possible.” (Mark 9:23)...
> 
> *THINK IT & SAY IT:*
> My life is getting easier not harder! I focus on the good things in my life. I refuse to focus on what’s gone wrong in my life. God has been good to me. I reverse worry and use my imagination to envision a worry-free life. I expect jobs, promotions and success to come my way, because I am a believer. My attitude of faith and expectation takes precedence over all other facts...beginning today, in Jesus Name. God bless...


Funny enough, my "saying" for this year is *Think It, Say It, Believe It*. One morning in December, the Holy Spirit ministered these words to me, and I use it as my "phrase for 2010". It's amazing how powerful our mind is - and sometimes very, very scary. That is why the devil primarily uses our mind to get to us. He knows that if he can get us to think wrong, wrong will surely follow. That's why the Bible says we need to guard our heart *with all diligence*. I also noticed that the devil (at least in my case) particularly likes to use the early morning hours (when I am only half awake) to infuse wrongful thinking, because I am not as alert. We have to combat negative thinking patterns *immediately* and meditate on God's Word and Promises constantly. This is why it so important to know the Word.


----------



## loolalooh

In case you missed this thread, here's some encouragement.  It nearly brought me to tears.  It restored my faith which was dwindling this weekend:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=390198


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

It's truly amazing how much we can find, how much we grow when we take the time to get to know God personally.  

Our holy father who is also the creator of love.

God spoke to me to recently and little things have been manifesting from that time.  It's like a whole new world of things and thoughts have appeared as a result of the reconnection.  God is really beyond anything we can truly fathom.

I don't mean to go slightly off topic, I just wanted to share my recent experience with you guys, my sisters in faith.

Now, I also think when we pray we should ask God for divine discernment in this area of our lives.  Not just discernment that will keep the rotten apples away but especially for discernment that will allow us to see a good man of God's standard.  

I pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal to us great traits or indications of good character behind the very superficial physical presentation of a man.


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

GoddessMaker said:


> Ladies please don't stone me but when I read some of your post and I really don't see the things happen for you to happen for me..maybe I'm not one of those who take time while unemployed loser time to dig my heels in religion.I know some will say then you must not be a christian.I sometimes doubt that I am even a believer because as much as I try to believe that I'm changing the more I see nothing is happening.I still have the same ugly fear and still view myself as disgusting waste of life.
> 
> The only aspect that has changed has been my desire to take my own life at my own hand..I believe that only because if I fail it's very costly money wise.I wish I could be solid about relationships but I would love to be acknowledged into existence of being a woman..no man compliments me at all..yet I see other women get all the affection bc they look a certain way..but then I'm told I don't need makeup..
> 
> I swear God made me as a joke..I try to believe oh God is going to send me a job,Im not going go be homeless in July but all I see is me without anything..I so want to believe that I will be ok but I just don't know..maybe if God out there for me I won't be a homeless dateless college graduate.




Thank for posting this Goddess Maker and sharing your sincere feelings at this point in your life.

What I would like to share with you is the simple fact that God appreciates honesty.

I would like to encourage you to say everything you just placed into this thread to God.  He is the only one that can answer you, change your perspective, and grant your heart's desire.  Do whatever you have to do: prayer while at the bus stop, write a letter to Him, go to the park sit somewhere secluded and just talk to Him.

You are *not *a joke.
You are *NOT *a waste of life.
You are someone very important!!

And I don't even need to know you personally offline to say that.  But you have to speak to God openly and honestly about your feelings.
In the meantime, I will be keeping you in my prayers my sister.


----------



## foxee

How are you lovely ladies doing?  Any testimonies to share?


----------



## loolalooh

^^Hanging in there.  Lol.  How are you and everyone else doing?  I'd love to hear some testimonies as well!


----------



## foxee

loolalooh said:


> ^^Hanging in there.  Lol.  How are you and everyone else doing?  I'd love to hear some testimonies as well!



I'm well, no complaints.  I'm getting a tad bit anxious but I think that's just my biological clock.    Other than that, I'm enjoying my singlehood for now.


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

Ladies, it's getting a little harder out there.

1. It's getting warmer.  Nice weather= more outdoor activities, most of which aren't really fun when you have no one to enjoy them with.

2. The amount of people within my circle of friends and associates getting engaged, married, or into a relationship thus far this year is really high.

3. A young man who was interested in me for quite sometime is now officially in a relationship with another person. (Thanks facebook, which doesn't really help but I'm sure that could be another thread.)  I know, I know, he must not have been the one for me. But I can't help but think about whether I was sleeping on a great opportunity.  He clearly stated that he was interested in a starting a very serious relationship but I was a little hesitant.

4. I'm lonely.   

Just reporting.


Oh, btw, while I was having these thoughts earlier today, I heard a voice tell me to "delight yourself in Me."


----------



## loolalooh

foxee said:


> I'm well, no complaints.  I'm getting a tad bit anxious but I think that's just my biological clock.    Other than that, I'm enjoying my singlehood for now.



Lol.  I hear you.  Yesterday I had an "I want to be a mommy" moment and start a family soon ... but then I let that go with a quickness.  It will happen in God's time and His time is best.



a_ caribbean_dream said:


> Ladies, it's getting a little harder out there.
> 
> 1. It's getting warmer.  Nice weather= more outdoor activities, most of which aren't really fun when you have no one to enjoy them with.
> 
> 2. The amount of people within my circle of friends and associates getting engaged, married, or into a relationship thus far this year is really high.
> 
> 3. A young man who was interested in me for quite sometime is now officially in a relationship with another person. (Thanks facebook, which doesn't really help but I'm sure that could be another thread.)  I know, I know, he must not have been the one for me. But I can't help but think about whether I was sleeping on a great opportunity.  He clearly stated that he was interested in a starting a very serious relationship but I was a little hesitant.
> 
> 4. I'm lonely.
> 
> Just reporting.
> 
> 
> Oh, btw, while I was having these thoughts earlier today, I heard a voice tell me to "delight yourself in Me."



Stay encouraged.  I can definitely relate to #4; I'm not going to lie and say it's easy.  It's difficult.  Sometimes I just want that companionship ... like after a long day of work or during the tough moments of this spiritual walk.  Just have that partner there.  The other day I considered joining a Christian dating site, but I heard a quick "No.  I want you to wait." so I left that alone.  I hope we can all continue to get support from this thread and stay in faith.


----------



## foxee

a_ caribbean_dream said:


> Ladies, it's getting a little harder out there.
> 
> 1. It's getting warmer.  Nice weather= more outdoor activities, most of which aren't really fun when you have no one to enjoy them with.
> 
> 2. The amount of people within my circle of friends and associates getting engaged, married, or into a relationship thus far this year is really high.
> 
> 3. A young man who was interested in me for quite sometime is now officially in a relationship with another person. (Thanks facebook, which doesn't really help but I'm sure that could be another thread.)  I know, I know, he must not have been the one for me. But I can't help but think about whether I was sleeping on a great opportunity.  He clearly stated that he was interested in a starting a very serious relationship but I was a little hesitant.
> 
> 4. I'm lonely.
> 
> Just reporting.
> 
> 
> *Oh, btw, while I was having these thoughts earlier today, I heard a voice tell me to "delight yourself in Me."*





I'm sorry you're having a tough time.  I have my days too.  

I experienced #3 a few months ago, but his status went from "Single" to  "Engaged."  erplexed  I really hate Facebook sometimes.

Have you considered signing up for classes related to one of your favorite hobbies or even a supper club?  With supper clubs you typically go to a different local restaurant once a week with the same group.  It's a great way to meet new people and try places you may be too scared to eat at alone.  

BTW, I love the bolded.  Feel free to PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to.



loolalooh said:


> Lol.  I hear you.  Yesterday I had an "I want to be a mommy" moment and start a family soon ... but then I let that go with a quickness.  It will happen in God's time and His time is best.



I can only share this with y'all, but I have been thinking about my future kids a lot lately.  I need to babysit someone's "child from hell" so I can get get over this feeling.


----------



## Ms Red

Thank you I really needed to read that today. Sometimes you feel like it will 'never happen' (hopes and desires) but you still want God's will for your life. Thank you for reminding me that it is only for a season.





dicapr said:


> I understand where you are coming from.  However, alot of the times the change is two stepped.  Before things change for us as Chrisitians, we often have to learn to rely and trust completely on God.  We have to understand and be prepared for the fact that what God's plans and his intentions for us maynot be our own.  It is only when we get there we are able to see a change in our lives.  Sometimes the circumstances of our struggle do not change at all.  It is our attitude and sense of security that gives us the strength for what we are going thru.  As our wants and prays fall into line with God's plans for our future we begin to see a change.  When we start looking and following God's plans for our lives things always seem to happen.  Things start to work "out".  The real change is allowing ourselves to be shaped and bent to his plans for us rather than going off on paths where our greatest blessings are not to be had.  Also, it is o.k. to feel down and discouraged.  The christian walks has its ups and downs.  Sometimes it feels like it will happen for everyone but us.  Be strong in this down season and remember that it is only for a season.  Things will get better.


----------



## ToyToy

Just checking in . Wish you all a lovely weekend!!


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

This thang is getting harder..Im trying to become from sexual stronghold..not with a person..If Im deemed to marry I want to be solid in that area..I felt like a fool now after chatting it up Friday with a guy I just met as much as I think Im good I seem so desparte..Im so scared to get out there bc I fear that the first fine thing that comes my way Im going to jump on it..and make a fool of me and God..pray for me sisters..


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

I have an important decision to make soon and I really would appreciate the prayers of all my fellow sisters in this thread.

I have been praying a long time for God to give me a clear answer on this and the time to make a decision is approaching.  I have to keep praying and mediating on Proverbs 3.

Please, please say lift me up in your prayers tonight.


----------



## LovelyNaps26

i watched this classic message today and got encouraged. God called me to consecrate this week and even though I've been more focused on other things it was meaningful to see this. The Lord reminded me that i still have growing to do and need to seek his face regarding my desire to marry. 

**btw, for those of you who have never watched this message i recommend that you take the time to watch the whole thing. no matter what your views of her are today, this is the kind of stuff that just doesn't get old.


----------



## nubiennze

Done.  Trust His guidance!



a_ caribbean_dream said:


> I have an important decision to make soon and I really would appreciate the prayers of all my fellow sisters in this thread.
> 
> I have been praying a long time for God to give me a clear answer on this and the time to make a decision is approaching.  I have to keep praying and mediating on Proverbs 3.
> 
> Please, please say lift me up in your prayers tonight.


----------



## dimechiq

Great thread. I will keep up with this. It's marriage time  yet I'm still working on me. Thanks ladies.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Natural Love said:


> Do you know if there is one already started? If so, can the link be posted?
> 
> If not, can we start one?
> 
> Who would be interested in a thread that caters to the difficulties single women face on a day to day basis and offer encouragement for one another?



I'm 23 yrs old almost 24. I have decided that the next relationship I get involved with is the man that's Godsent and the one ill marry.  Not that I'm on the hunt lol. I got school!  but  its like days like today, I wish I had my future husband hold me and just let me know that the world can't attack me because I'm in his arms. I'm already his. He's already mine. Its YHWH's timing and our preperation. But sometimes I admit  I just wanna know how that feels. 

YHWH has stated to me that it would be an intense relationship like Christ has for and with the Church. But I need to emotionally position myself to receive it. However I admit as much as I want the lovey dovey doves. I'm terrified of making a mistake   so that's me!


----------



## milaydy31

What does "YHWH" mean?


----------



## luthiengirlie

milaydy31 said:


> What does "YHWH" mean?



* Hebrew name for God. Well it is His proper name *


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

Battling loneliness right now.  With it being so hot and all the couples being out on the block it makes me sad that I'm in the car riding by all alone.

I've also been distracted since a guy I met in college said he was interested in me.  However his actions aren't matching up with his words so its  frustrating.  A beast I was trying to lay to rest by finding contentment in the Lord is awake because someone says I'm beautiful and would make a good wife.  Now I can't put it back to bed.

Most times I just want someone to have a conversation with.  I know I'm not ready for anything because I know how easily I become distracted from the Lord and kingdom work and would make any man an idol.  Recognizing these things don't make it any easier but it lets others hold me accountable.

Trying to refocus my time on the Lord and all that he is and will ever be that Man can never live up to.  I can get so disappointed in myself when these things happen.  Going to go pray and read some Word.  I just need to lay it all at the cross.


----------



## loolalooh

I have some frustrations on my heart that I'm trying to fight with faith in the Lord.   I don't feel like stating them because I'll be giving them power.  I will say that this Single journey is tough right now because I feel I am ready but that the Lord does not feel it's my time yet.  Yesterday was a time of reflection and I finally cried out to Him for wisdom ... wisdom to know what it is I need to work on before He brings me the one.  I heard nothing, but He led me to *1 John 5*, which I need to meditate on a bit more:

_13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that *if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. *_ (NIV)

I sense there is something I'm overlooking in this situation.  This week will be spent listening.


----------



## foxee

We let this thread drop to page three!  

Summer is upon us, so I hope you ladies are getting out more, taking advantage of all these outdoor activities. 

As for me, I am truly enjoying my singlehood . . . for now.  I'm moving soon so I'm gonna hit the ground running.  I made a personal challenge to go out once a week.

So how is everyone?


----------



## phynestone

Good. Just one day at a time.


----------



## loolalooh

Foxee, your once in a week challenge sounds like a good plan!

Phynestone, same here.

-----
Doing a lot better than since I last posted.  Making an effort to go out and just enjoy the company of associates or friends.  Also focusing on other areas of my life.  Two guys have expressed a crush, but I'm not jumping with excitement or anything.  One is a Christian but we do not click personality-wise (or even spiritually) and I tried but do not find him physically attractive.  The other - I'm uncertain if he is Christian but I'm very much drawn to him physically and, so far, personality-wise.  Interesting scenario.  Anyway, I've prayed about it and haven't been directed that either of them is the one.  I'm just accepting singlehood - more time to grow, do me, etc.


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

I'm hanging in there.  Had a interesting convo with a friend.  We talked about respecting men, interactions with guys esp at church, dealing with those that have expressed interest or that we are interested in.  It was nice just to get it all out.

I find myself in a situation as to whether I should even be concerned with this area of my life since I'm still a babe in Christ and there is so much doubt in my professional life.  Or live a little and be more social and accepting of the opposite sex.

I feel that I should lean on the side of working on my walk and getting my professional life settled.  Everything else is just a distraction and since no one is serious then just leave well enough alone.


----------



## Kimbosheart

I'm officially joining-but perhaps I did a few pages back, if not I'm coming out of lurking. I've been on an interesting journey with the singleness thing in my faith walk. Now I'm content, with God's grace I've changed before my situation has. I definitely still have my moments of loneliness and doubt but I'm truly happy now. Anyway I feel compelled to learn more and prepare for this future test that marriage will be. I'm good at studying for tests and preparing and researching. I'm certain that's my gift along with patience. I would like to share with you ladies some resources that I've found helpful for getting information about being single, desiring marriage and drawing closer to God. 

Boundless.org
Futuremarraigeuniversity.org


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

Hey Ladies!!!!

 Last night I was haven't one of my single girl moments, so I threw a God has forgotten about me pity party.  I really began to pray and seek God what's going on.  Well, it came to my spirit that, I am not being obedient to Lord during my transition process.  He has been calling me to be more diligent about somethings, so I made up my mind to be willing to trust the process he his taking me through.... I will not allow self to keep me from the blessing I so desire!!! I have decided to be more obedient all areas of life and trust the process the Lord is taking me through. 
 Please pray for me, because really trusting is really hard. Thanks Ladies and be encouraged.  I am praying for you all as well!!!!!


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

I have really been having problems in this area.I really want to be acknowledged by a man.To be desired.I truly feel that the only reason why I exist to a degree.Why have desires God for what to be single and haggered all my life.I pray I don't have to wait until Im way over the hill before I married..what would be the point..and before I get any God didn't promise marriage I know that..Im not dumb.Just a single woman rant and vent..


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

Had a bit of a breakdown Saturday night.   I was visiting my friend in Charlotte and her boo came over.  She had told me about him over the phone and he was just as nice in person.  He even took her 2 nephews to the park with his son so we could hang out and get some mani/pedi.  He is a gentleman in every since of the word.   

I am happy for my friend she deserves happiness.  It was just hard watching them interact and feeling like the 3rd wheel.  It was such an inspiration to just see them and know that they both love the Lord and are trying to have a relationship that is honoring to him.

I kept wishing it was me.  Kept wondering why I can't meet someone that has similar qualities.  Just tired of feeling lonely and feeling guilty if I wear something nice, flattering and feminine.  I was texting another friend about it but crying was the only thing that "help".  I kept praying in my head for God to make me a better friend, not covet a relationship, and give me patience to wait on the Lord's perfect timing.  The last one is the hardest one....especially since I keep being around children and feel that clock just ticking away. 

Just learning to trust the Lord.


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

<<<< Hugs to You VonnieLoves08>>>>>>


----------



## luthiengirlie

I admit i am getting tired. it's not that I expect a man to complete me no no that ain't his job. but as a person who has 3 diseases and school it would be nice to just rest in somebody's arms for awhile. I admit I texted my ex just to say hey could you hold me for a bit.. i don't know if htat was the wrong thing to do or what


----------



## foxee

For all my sisters 

Ladies, I'm just not stressed about this part of my life right now. And it's not that I don't care or I no longer desire a relationship.  I don't want to stress myself out worrying when _it's all going to work out anyway_.

Having said that, I'm going to begin my personal challenge of going out once a week starting next month.  My sole purpose of this challenge is not to meet a man every single time I go somewhere, but just to go out and enjoy life!  Someday when I'm a wife and mother I'm going to miss the days when I can come and go as I please, sleep in, etc.  So whether I get married next year or a few years from now, I refuse to spend another day wallowing in self pity!


----------



## Kimbosheart

GoddessMaker said:


> I have really been having problems in this area.I really want to be acknowledged by a man.To be desired.I truly feel that the only reason why I exist to a degree.Why have desires God for what to be single and haggered all my life.*I pray I don't have to wait until Im way over the hill before I married..what would be the point..and before I get any God didn't promise marriage I know that..Im not dumb.Just a single woman rant and vent*..


 


Vonnieluvs08 said:


> Had a bit of a breakdown Saturday night. I was visiting my friend in Charlotte and her boo came over. She had told me about him over the phone and he was just as nice in person. He even took her 2 nephews to the park with his son so we could hang out and get some mani/pedi. He is a gentleman in every since of the word.
> 
> I am happy for my friend she deserves happiness. It was just hard watching them interact and feeling like the 3rd wheel. It was such an inspiration to just see them and know that they both love the Lord and are trying to have a relationship that is honoring to him.
> 
> I kept wishing it was me. Kept wondering why I can't meet someone that has similar qualities. Just tired of feeling lonely and feeling guilty if I wear something nice, flattering and feminine. I was texting another friend about it but crying was the only thing that "help". I* kept praying in my head for God to make me a better friend, not covet a relationship,* and give me patience to wait on the Lord's perfect timing. The last one is the hardest one....especially since I keep being around children and feel that clock just ticking away.
> 
> Just learning to trust the Lord.


 
@ the bolded and specifically the underlined, please take a look at this link: http://www.boundless.org/girls/pages/GirlsGuide.pdf 

This gave me so much encouragement and biblical support for what I'm feeling and how and why it's okay to actually want a husband. It's a quick read and yes some of the ideas may seem archaic at first, but all of us in this forum understand obedience. There is a corresponding link for guys and it makes it quite plain in God's own words that as single women we trust in the Lord by waiting and wanting and theres nothing wrong with that. HTH


----------



## loolalooh

Ladies, I had a dream some days ago.  I don't want to get into the details, but the summary was that I was standish-offish towards men.  When I woke up, I knew that was God speaking to me.  If I don't put down my high guard, my future husband is just going to pass me by.  I know what's causing this high guard (pain from a previous failed relationship) and I need to work on it pronto.  That's my update.  Please pray for me to let go of the pain.


----------



## loolalooh

Kimbosheart said:


> @ the bolded and specifically the underlined, please take a look at this link: http://www.boundless.org/girls/pages/GirlsGuide.pdf
> 
> This gave me so much encouragement and biblical support for what I'm feeling and how and why it's okay to actually want a husband. It's a quick read and yes some of the ideas may seem archaic at first, but all of us in this forum understand obedience. There is a corresponding link for guys and it makes it quite plain in God's own words that as single women we trust in the Lord by waiting and wanting and theres nothing wrong with that. HTH



Okay, I'm still in the process of reading but it seems RIGHT ON TIME so far.  I know this was intended for the other ladies, but it's proving itself useful to me too. Thank you so much for sharing!


----------



## phynestone

This isn't really about relationships, but I feel very lonely. I haven't made any friends here and it's been a long time since I've really hung out with anyone. Yeah, I talk to my co-workers and people at school, but it isn't the same. Now I enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to have friends that like me for me and don't try to change me. Even when I was back home, I went out by myself, did everything by myself b/c the few friends I did have were busy working or they had other responsibilities. Or they lived far away. How much more "self-improvement" do I need? How much more "spiritual" do I need to be? How diligent do I need to be as a Christian before I am "blessed" with the other things I'd like in my life? I'm not trying to sound ungrateful....I'm very happy with what God has done in my life thus far. But we're also not meant to be an island. I feel very lonely. School is my priority right now, so I think having a boyfriend would take me off track, but I'm feeling very discouraged right now.


----------



## Kimbosheart

loolalooh said:


> Okay, I'm still in the process of reading but it seems RIGHT ON TIME so far.  I know this was intended for the other ladies, but it's proving itself useful to me too. Thank you so much for sharing!



It was intended for all of us!!! I will say while it gives me encouragement in wanting to be a wife it doesn't make the waiting any easier.


----------



## luthiengirlie

phynestone said:


> This isn't really about relationships, but I feel very lonely. I haven't made any friends here and it's been a long time since I've really hung out with anyone. Yeah, I talk to my co-workers and people at school, but it isn't the same. Now I enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to have friends that like me for me and don't try to change me. Even when I was back home, I went out by myself, did everything by myself b/c the few friends I did have were busy working or they had other responsibilities. Or they lived far away. How much more "self-improvement" do I need? How much more "spiritual" do I need to be? How diligent do I need to be as a Christian before I am "blessed" with the other things I'd like in my life? I'm not trying to sound ungrateful....I'm very happy with what God has done in my life thus far. But we're also not meant to be an island. I feel very lonely. School is my priority right now, so I think having a boyfriend would take me off track, but I'm feeling very discouraged right now.


 

 i am where you're at... relationships sighs


----------



## luthiengirlie

phynestone said:


> This isn't really about relationships, but I feel very lonely. I haven't made any friends here and it's been a long time since I've really hung out with anyone. Yeah, I talk to my co-workers and people at school, but it isn't the same. Now I enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to have friends that like me for me and don't try to change me. Even when I was back home, I went out by myself, did everything by myself b/c the few friends I did have were busy working or they had other responsibilities. Or they lived far away. How much more "self-improvement" do I need? How much more "spiritual" do I need to be? How diligent do I need to be as a Christian before I am "blessed" with the other things I'd like in my life? I'm not trying to sound ungrateful....I'm very happy with what God has done in my life thus far. But we're also not meant to be an island. I feel very lonely. School is my priority right now, so I think having a boyfriend would take me off track, but I'm feeling very discouraged right now.



Honestly, YHWH led me to this bible verse. It led me to thinking about you, then thinking about me. Then thinking about US as Christian ladies of LHCF who are single. 

* Psalm 68:7  God places the solitary in families and gives the desolate a home in which to dwell; He leads the prisoners out to prosperity; but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.* I pray this helps and I think this is one of the families that YHWH places us in


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

Kimbosheart said:


> @ the bolded and specifically the underlined, please take a look at this link: http://www.boundless.org/girls/pages/GirlsGuide.pdf
> 
> This gave me so much encouragement and biblical support for what I'm feeling and how and why it's okay to actually want a husband. It's a quick read and yes some of the ideas may seem archaic at first, but all of us in this forum understand obedience. There is a corresponding link for guys and it makes it quite plain in God's own words that as single women we trust in the Lord by waiting and wanting and theres nothing wrong with that. HTH


 
Girl, WOW.....  I am loving this quick read!  Thanks for posting this link!!!!


----------



## Kimbosheart

Do_Si_Dos said:


> Girl, WOW..... I am loving this quick read! Thanks for posting this link!!!!


 
No problem! I hope all on this thread read the link, I think it can help give us some direction on how to go about this. I just feel like the tone in some of the messages, in this forum and others, make it seem as though we should feel guilty for wanting to be married. I'm very happy with my life right now. I am thankful for everything I've been given and I've learned a lot in my past relationships so just because I want to be married doesn't negate the fact that I am a happy single woman in love with God. And I plan on living my life "intentionally" to realize my goal of marriage. 

Another thing I really like about the book is that I'm the kinda girl that really likes having a plan. I don't mind hard work so if I have a problem and I can find a plan of action to fix the problem then I'm good. Even if the plan requires hard work. The principles and scripture in the booklet are that plan for me on this issue. I do get lonely but instead of letting that get me down for too long I'm able to look at things the way God wants me to and go about being "intentional" in fixing them. And even though the bottom line is that "waiting" is my action, it makes so much sense now.


----------



## Kimbosheart

Ok..... it's kinda hard to garner support on this journey when no one posts for days at a time. How are y'all doing?


----------



## milaydy31

for my part, I prefer not to post these days 'cause I'm feeling so bad right now.


----------



## foxee

Kimbosheart said:


> Ok..... it's kinda hard to garner support on this journey when no one posts for days at a time. How are y'all doing?



Hey Kimbosheart!  I'm doing well.  As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.    

For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it?  We all know that faith without works is dead.  So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found?  My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here."  She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more.  Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets!  My personal challenge starts 8/1.  I'm attending at least one social event every week.  Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.  

So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action?  Ladies, what are your plans?


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## ToyToy

Trying very hard to have faith and believe that God will do what He said He will do. It's not that I don't believe. It's because it just doesn't look like it *right now*. But I know that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that is in us. We can't give up now. We have to hold on and keep on believing. Some of us are very close, and this is when we start to grow weary and tired, but we must hold on. I don't know why I am writing this, but I'm sure this is for someone. 

Have a wonderful week, keep smiling, remember past victories and how He got you through, and praise Him!


----------



## luthiengirlie

I got the message that I need to stop obsessing about dating, and that there's no question that my husband would be straight from heaven, Adonai. There would be no confusion, no deception, no sorrow added, no feeling like I'm in a prison and I'm SCREAMING to get out and no one hears me but Him and me. It'll be a peaceful thing. Not a war. Just enjoy every moment with Adonai and those around me and work hard. That's excatly what I intend to do!


----------



## Kimbosheart

milaydy31 said:


> for my part, I prefer not to post these days 'cause I'm feeling so bad right now.


 
Just admitting that you have these feelings and you get discourages supports all of us going through this season right now. Of course you are in my prayers and I hope you feel better soon. 



foxee said:


> Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.
> 
> For the sisters who are feeling lonely, *what do you plan to do about it?* We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.
> 
> So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? *Ladies, what are your plans?[/*QUOTE]
> 
> I like the way you think! I agree that obsessing about it is pointless. My plan of action is similar to yours. I have a prospect in sight, he's a godly man and he's going through a real tough time right now. I believe my role is to put my best foot forward in friendship and thats it. Although it's obvious that we both like each other, all I know is that I am his friend and I can pray for more but all the next steps are up to him to make. But in general, I do the same thing as you. I attend social events, I try to look my best and be friendly and be open to God's plan.
> 
> 
> 
> ToyToy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Trying very hard to have faith and believe that God will do what He said He will do. It's not that I don't believe.* It's because it just doesn't look like it *right now*. *But I know that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that is in us. We can't give up now. We have to hold on and keep on believing. Some of us are very close, and this is when we start to grow weary and tired, but we must hold on. I don't know why I am writing this, but I'm sure this is for someone.
> 
> Have a wonderful week, keep smiling, remember past victories and how He got you through, and praise Him!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Amen! I know God's working now, I can feel it but I'm hard pressed to see anything working.
> 
> Thanks for all the replies, please keep posting. Its such a comfort knowing that I am not the only person feeling this way.
Click to expand...


----------



## loolalooh

foxee said:


> Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.
> 
> *For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it? We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best. *
> 
> *So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?*


 
The "Thank you" button wasn't enough.  Cosign!


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

Hey Ladies.

I was working last week and extremely exhausted so I wasn't even lurking.  I am doing a lot better this week.  I spent an entire night journaling my thoughts to the Lord it was very freeing.  I'm reading some books The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero and Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes as well as some on the go devotionals that have really helped me to see the areas of my life I haven't given to the Lord.  If I can't give these areas to the Lord then how can I expect to have/expect an open and honest relationship/marriage to a man?  I've always known the Lord had some things to work out in me but now he is forcing me to flesh them out, to look under the surface to the root of the problems and allow him to do his work in me.

I'm trying to get in my Word more.  We are going thru Ephesians in Church and looking at the "Who Am I?" answered in this Book of the Bible.  This has been a help as well.

My friends and I are trying to not have these men conversations all the time and be encouraging in other facets of spirituality which also is helpful.  Funny thing is we really end up saying or thinking the same things over and over again which isn't healthy so it is nice to focus on other areas of our life.

Continuing to be prayerful about our situations and our growing maturity in Christ.


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

foxee said:


> Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.
> 
> *For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it?* We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! *My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best. *
> 
> *So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?[/*QUOTE]
> 
> The bolded and underlined information is what I am addressing.  Best wishes on your plan, I pray that you find what you are looking for.  Keep us updated on your adventures!!!!
> 
> My Plan: After some prayer time ( and pity parties),  I am realizing the Lord has me in a little cacoon, and he is making me over into a beautiful butterfly.  So I am going to take six months, to really get to know myself.  During this time I hope to strenghthen my relationship with my heavenly father and work toward being the woman my future mate will need me to be.
> Currently I am reading, Your Knight in Shining Armor by P.B. Wilson.  So far it has been a Godsend and I believe there are somethingsin here he wants me to know.  The book says no dating for six months, so that's what I am going to do.... Ladies I am praying for you all.
> 
> By the way I will do better about posting, even if it is to stop by to let you guys know I love and I am praying for you all.  Take care!!! Much love!!!


----------



## hair_rehab

This came in my email today, by Jack Zavada from www.inspiration-for-singles.com :

If you don't fit in, the problem is probably not with _you_

Do you ever have the feeling that you don't fit in? Do you have that feeling often? 
It can be demoralizing. Your first instinct may be to blame yourself. But the hard truth is that more than likely, you are not the one at fault. 
As singles, we all have the desire to belong to something. We want to feel that we're part of the group, that we're accepted. But if you'e also a Christian single, you may feel strange and out of place. 
When Jesus prayed to his Father for his disciples, he said: 

_"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." (John 17:16)_
What exactly did he mean? I think he was asking God to comfort us and strengthen us when we feel that we don't belong. 
The King James version of the Bible calls followers of God "peculiar" people, and when you compare our ways to the ways of today's culture, we certainly do seem like oddballs. We're square pegs in round holes. We don't fit in. 

*Don't get too peculiar*
Some Christians seem to take great delight in their "other worldliness," to the point of being abrasive or confrontational. While we're not to compromise with sin, I don't think it helps our witness to be constantly condemning nonbelievers or arguing with them. 
Just living an honest, sincere Christian life will guarantee that you don't fit in. But that's about as much peculiarity as most of us can handle. It can hurt to feel alone. 
Should you just ignore it?
So we're singles. We don't exactly fit in with married couples. So we're Christian, too. We may not fit in with our co-workers or with our employer. 
What are we supposed to do then? Are we just supposed to ignore the feeling that we don't fit in? No, it's too strong to disregard, hoping it will go away. 
But it is part of the price we pay to follow Christ. The closer you follow him, the more you're going to stand out. 
Throughout your life, you'll be forced to choose. You can go along with the crowd, or you can stay true to your faith. Usually you can't have it both ways. 

*How other 'peculiar' people can help*
If you're in a small group at your church, the other members, especially older people, can give you support and encouragement. It's good to get their reassurance that you're on the right path. They'll help you clarify your thinking and show you how Christian values conflict with modern culture. 
When you speak with another man or woman who is committed to Christ, the feeling of kinship is so strong that it's almost--as it was with Paul--that scales fall off your eyes and suddenly you can see clearly. This happened to me in my men's Bible study.
I discovered that I was not alone. I realized that by being true to Christ, it was inevitable that I would stick out in the world.
It's all right that you don't have the world's approval--because you have Christ's approval, and that's what matters most. Having a rock-solid acceptance of that truth will give you courage to stay on the path. 
It will help you maintain your purpose in life. And as you continue to compare God's ways to the world's ways, you'll understand why you don't fit in.


----------



## luthiengirlie

hair_rehab said:


> This came in my email today, by Jack Zavada from www.inspiration-for-singles.com :
> 
> If you don't fit in, the problem is probably not with _you_
> 
> Do you ever have the feeling that you don't fit in? Do you have that feeling often?
> It can be demoralizing. Your first instinct may be to blame yourself. But the hard truth is that more than likely, you are not the one at fault.
> As singles, we all have the desire to belong to something. We want to feel that we're part of the group, that we're accepted. But if you'e also a Christian single, you may feel strange and out of place.
> When Jesus prayed to his Father for his disciples, he said:
> 
> _"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." (John 17:16)_
> What exactly did he mean? I think he was asking God to comfort us and strengthen us when we feel that we don't belong.
> The King James version of the Bible calls followers of God "peculiar" people, and when you compare our ways to the ways of today's culture, we certainly do seem like oddballs. We're square pegs in round holes. We don't fit in.
> 
> *Don't get too peculiar*
> Some Christians seem to take great delight in their "other worldliness," to the point of being abrasive or confrontational. While we're not to compromise with sin, I don't think it helps our witness to be constantly condemning nonbelievers or arguing with them.
> Just living an honest, sincere Christian life will guarantee that you don't fit in. But that's about as much peculiarity as most of us can handle. It can hurt to feel alone.
> Should you just ignore it?
> So we're singles. We don't exactly fit in with married couples. So we're Christian, too. We may not fit in with our co-workers or with our employer.
> What are we supposed to do then? Are we just supposed to ignore the feeling that we don't fit in? No, it's too strong to disregard, hoping it will go away.
> But it is part of the price we pay to follow Christ. The closer you follow him, the more you're going to stand out.
> Throughout your life, you'll be forced to choose. You can go along with the crowd, or you can stay true to your faith. Usually you can't have it both ways.
> 
> *How other 'peculiar' people can help*
> If you're in a small group at your church, the other members, especially older people, can give you support and encouragement. It's good to get their reassurance that you're on the right path. They'll help you clarify your thinking and show you how Christian values conflict with modern culture.
> When you speak with another man or woman who is committed to Christ, the feeling of kinship is so strong that it's almost--as it was with Paul--that scales fall off your eyes and suddenly you can see clearly. This happened to me in my men's Bible study.
> I discovered that I was not alone. I realized that by being true to Christ, it was inevitable that I would stick out in the world.
> It's all right that you don't have the world's approval--because you have Christ's approval, and that's what matters most. Having a rock-solid acceptance of that truth will give you courage to stay on the path.
> It will help you maintain your purpose in life. And as you continue to compare God's ways to the world's ways, you'll understand why you don't fit in.



I'm in tears. Wow. I needed to hear this. I always wondered why I never fit in. Why I wasn't pretty enough, why I wasn't... I needed this. Thanks!


----------



## Kimbosheart

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001048.cfm


----------



## Kiadodie

foxee said:


> Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.
> 
> *For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it?* We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.
> 
> So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?


 
I like the way you think .  I dont like this, pray and wait it out thing. I"m tired of the pity parties .   I think getting out for a social event once a week is a great start! I'm going to do that also.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Ladies, 

I need some advice. I'm having my birthday party this weekend(its not my birthday just celebrating early). 
I invited this guy. He's Christian, working on his phd. Majoring in finances. And all that he's a frat guy. (Pretty boy type). 

Thing is...I'm nervous. He's very straight forward. I'm not trying to push for a relationship or anything. Let the chips fall where they may. I do wanna be friends with him. And friendships and guys make me nervous because with me they tend to be agressive and push for more. Doesn't help that he's very handsome. Ladies, what do I do? How do I be friends?


----------



## Kimbosheart

luthiengirlie said:


> Ladies,
> 
> I need some advice. I'm having my birthday party this weekend(its not my birthday just celebrating early).
> I invited this guy. He's Christian, working on his phd. Majoring in finances. And all that he's a frat guy. (Pretty boy type).
> 
> Thing is...I'm nervous. He's very straight forward. I'm not trying to push for a relationship or anything. Let the chips fall where they may. I do wanna be friends with him. And friendships and guys make me nervous because with me they tend to be agressive and push for more. Doesn't help that he's very handsome. *Ladies, what do I do? How do I be friends*?


 
I'm sorry I'm just now getting to your post. I have a few thoughts on this so I'll try to outline my response clearly. 

First: Stop putting the cart before the horse. Based on your post it sounds like you and him are just casual acquaintances right now. Has he been straight-forward with you as far as asking you out? Or is that just a character trait you've picked up on from your dealings with him? Either way right now I wouldn't worry about him pushing for more than a friendship. I think it's good that you've invited him to your bday dinner, it will put you on his radar.

Now onto how to be his friend. Just be natural and treat him like a brother in Christ. Don't worry so much about how he will interact with you. If you treat yourself with respect, kindness and consideration and you treat him that way he will return that. If you're nervous about either one of you moving too fast or being swept up in the moment then hang out in groups until you can trust yourself and him. I find it's easier to hold someone to a standard of behavior when I can enforce that standard on myself. (I hope that makes sense) 

About him being "straight-forward", I don't think that's something you want to be wary of. I urge you to read the link I posted about the "girls guide to getting married" It says some interesting things about how men should lead and should know what they want because it's a sign of their faith in God. Thats a good man to have on your side whether its as a friend or more. But speaking specifically to your situation, if he does approach you with the intention of dating you then thats not a bad thing as long as he respects your physical boundaries. In the past I've made the mistake of becoming too emotionally intimate with a guy I call my "friend". That intimacy should really be developed inside of a relationship and marriage. And I'm too the point now where I think the emotional intimacy is just as dangerous as the physical. 

But your guy sounds dreamy! Good luck and have a happy bday!! :birthday2


----------



## luthiengirlie

Kimbosheart said:


> I'm sorry I'm just now getting to your post. I have a few thoughts on this so I'll try to outline my response clearly.
> 
> First: Stop putting the cart before the horse. Based on your post it sounds like you and him are just casual acquaintances right now. Has he been straight-forward with you as far as asking you out? Or is that just a character trait you've picked up on from your dealings with him? Either way right now I wouldn't worry about him pushing for more than a friendship. I think it's good that you've invited him to your bday dinner, it will put you on his radar.
> 
> Now onto how to be his friend. Just be natural and treat him like a brother in Christ. Don't worry so much about how he will interact with you. If you treat yourself with respect, kindness and consideration and you treat him that way he will return that. If you're nervous about either one of you moving too fast or being swept up in the moment then hang out in groups until you can trust yourself and him. I find it's easier to hold someone to a standard of behavior when I can enforce that standard on myself. (I hope that makes sense)
> 
> About him being "straight-forward", I don't think that's something you want to be wary of. I urge you to read the link I posted about the "girls guide to getting married" It says some interesting things about how men should lead and should know what they want because it's a sign of their faith in God. Thats a good man to have on your side whether its as a friend or more. But speaking specifically to your situation, if he does approach you with the intention of dating you then thats not a bad thing as long as he respects your physical boundaries. In the past I've made the mistake of becoming too emotionally intimate with a guy I call my "friend". That intimacy should really be developed inside of a relationship and marriage. And I'm too the point now where I think the emotional intimacy is just as dangerous as the physical.
> 
> But your guy sounds dreamy! Good luck and have a happy bday!! :birthday2



THANK YOU. Really needed this! This is new as I'm trying to learn how to deal with men from a godly standpoint. As a person who has expierenced situations where the relationships were all about mental abuse and manipulation. (Ie give me sex and I'll ACT like I care). Now it is lke I want to do relationships Adonai's way. This is the first time I TRULY feel comfortable. But its in a new territory and I'm excited but I don't wanna scream desperate(with my words/behavior) and blow it. So I will print this, study it and all!


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

luthiengirlie said:


> THANK YOU. Really needed this! *This is new as I'm trying to learn how to deal with men from a godly standpoint. As a person who has expierenced situations where the relationships were all about mental abuse and manipulation. (Ie give me sex and I'll ACT like I care). Now it is lke I want to do relationships Adonai's way.* This is the first time I TRULY feel comfortable. But its in a new territory and I'm excited but I don't wanna scream desperate(with my words/behavior) and blow it. So I will print this, study it and all!


 
It is scary dating like your heavenly father will have you date.  Before you meet the guy at your dinner, say a little prayer. That's the only advice I can offer, as I am in the same position. Be blessed and have a great birthday dinner!!!!!!!


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## DreamLife

deleted this post


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## luthiengirlie

I admit. I am noticing something. The closer I grow to Adonai, Men treat me diffrently. I'm meeting a diffrent caliber of men. Men who love Adonai, Men who are respectful and funny. Men who come to me and say.. Something special about you. 

When I didn't know my worth I constantly dealt with men who just wanted my body, they would leer at me and be so disrespectful. 

I don't deal with that now.. I don't tolerate it now. I even find myself checking men cussing around me(which is strange because I used to be a cusser). 
I find myself checking men for calling women B's and H's. I find myself saying, this is what I'm willing to put up with..what I'm NOT. I guess..in a sense, I'm FINDING myself. I'm not where I need to be as far as friendships/relationships with men go. But I can definetly say I am very very very far from who I used to be. I didn't even really notice these changes. I am comfortable with the Christian men I'm friends with. They are funny but they are respectful...wow.


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## Kimbosheart

Hello Ladies! How are things? Any new developments after your birthday dinner Luthiengirlie? Any updates from anyone?


----------



## luthiengirlie

the dinner is saturday and I'll update Sunday!!!

i have another issue. I"m in the deaf ministry at my church. Me and this 50 something year old man are the only single people in the ministry. so there's this extreme pressure to date each other. and I think he asked me to dinner... but he's a nice guy and we're good friends.
but I feel awkward being alone with this man.. even if it is JUST dinner. I'd rather go with another married couple who are my friends

is it wrong htat I feel awkward about this or am I being too dramatic?


----------



## Kimbosheart

luthiengirlie said:


> the dinner is saturday and I'll update Sunday!!!
> 
> i have another issue. I"m in the deaf ministry at my church. Me and this 50 something year old man are the only single people in the ministry. so there's this extreme pressure to date each other. and I think he asked me to dinner... but he's a nice guy and we're good friends.
> but I feel awkward being alone with this man.. even if it is JUST dinner. I'd rather go with another married couple who are my friends
> 
> is it wrong htat I feel awkward about this or am I being too dramatic?



I'm looking forward to Sunday's update from you!

I'm going to share a thought with you that I'm having about my situation. And it won't directly answer your question about the 50 year old but I think you'll see that it applies. Basically, I'm going to to do my best to let God be God in my situation with life. And in some areas, such as family that's easy to do but I have trouble with that in my love life. I am learning about how I've done things wrong in the past. I've tried my way of dating and yes it's true that I'm learning that Biblically there is a better way to approach romance and relationships but in the end no matter what or who God will have his way. He can make ugly situations works of art, he can show us a righteous path and let us walk in peace in this area. Either way he will have His will and I need to rest assured in that. So practically for me this means that I've read the articles and I will continue to read and learn and apply where I can, given my current situation, and keep some things in my knowledge bank. It also means that I can't change the situation I'm in with this gentlemen and I'm fully convicted that I am in this situation because this is where God wants me to be. I'm scared and nervous and anxious and it all seems dumb when I explain why, but I can't let that make me worry. God doesn't want me to worry. I pray on Phillipians 4:6-7. I say thank you for my worries turned positive. For instance if I'm worried about being stuck as "friends" with this guy I say thank you for our loving committed relationship and this period of friendship will only make our future marriage stronger. And I picture this positive outcome and focus on those happy thoughts. Even if the happy thoughts do nothing but stop me from worrying so I can let God work. I just don't want to be a believer in my words and actions, and not a believer in my thoughts. Worrying erases the belief in my thoughts. I need all three to be in harmony in order to stay obedient and in line with God's will for my life so He can bring the blessings into my life. Letting God be God, especially for dating, also means enjoying the moments where you smile and are at peace. Peace is priceless and what's funny is that sometimes we forget that we have control over our own sense of peace at any given moment. Stop comparing yourself or your relationships to others. Some would look into my situation and see how it's not going to work, sometimes I look at my situation and compare it to other successful relationships and I see how my story isn't looking too good. Some people would say a 50 year old is too old for you (didn't you mention that you were in your early 20's) and you yourself mentioned that you feel awkward. I'm telling you there is nothing wrong with feeling a certain way about any of it. I'm particularly sharing this with you because you mentioned the guy you've invited to your bday dinner and now this gentlemen in your deaf ministry. You've got everything you need to make sound decisions regarding your love life. You're God's daughter, His princess, you can call on Him in prayer whenever you want, you've asked Him to help you discern what's right and you understand why He has placed certain boundaries between men and women to protect you. Relax and find peace in all that you've got and let God be God on the rest of it. I'm working on this every minute with my situation. 

I have found that it's easier for me to be positive when I have prayers in agreement. If you want to PM something specific to be in agreement and go to God with for you please feel free. Anyone can do so on this board, and I hope I can ask the same.  Sorry for the rant.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Kimbosheart said:


> I'm looking forward to Sunday's update from you!
> 
> I'm going to share a thought with you that I'm having about my situation. And it won't directly answer your question about the 50 year old but I think you'll see that it applies. Basically, I'm going to to do my best to let God be God in my situation with life. And in some areas, such as family that's easy to do but I have trouble with that in my love life. I am learning about how I've done things wrong in the past. I've tried my way of dating and yes it's true that I'm learning that Biblically there is a better way to approach romance and relationships but in the end no matter what or who God will have his way. He can make ugly situations works of art, he can show us a righteous path and let us walk in peace in this area. Either way he will have His will and I need to rest assured in that. So practically for me this means that I've read the articles and I will continue to read and learn and apply where I can, given my current situation, and keep some things in my knowledge bank. It also means that I can't change the situation I'm in with this gentlemen and I'm fully convicted that I am in this situation because this is where God wants me to be. I'm scared and nervous and anxious and it all seems dumb when I explain why, but I can't let that make me worry. God doesn't want me to worry. I pray on Phillipians 4:6-7. I say thank you for my worries turned positive. For instance if I'm worried about being stuck as "friends" with this guy I say thank you for our loving committed relationship and this period of friendship will only make our future marriage stronger. And I picture this positive outcome and focus on those happy thoughts. Even if the happy thoughts do nothing but stop me from worrying so I can let God work. I just don't want to be a believer in my words and actions, and not a believer in my thoughts. Worrying erases the belief in my thoughts. I need all three to be in harmony in order to stay obedient and in line with God's will for my life so He can bring the blessings into my life. Letting God be God, especially for dating, also means enjoying the moments where you smile and are at peace. Peace is priceless and what's funny is that sometimes we forget that we have control over our own sense of peace at any given moment. Stop comparing yourself or your relationships to others. Some would look into my situation and see how it's not going to work, sometimes I look at my situation and compare it to other successful relationships and I see how my story isn't looking too good. Some people would say a 50 year old is too old for you (didn't you mention that you were in your early 20's) and you yourself mentioned that you feel awkward. I'm telling you there is nothing wrong with feeling a certain way about any of it. I'm particularly sharing this with you because you mentioned the guy you've invited to your bday dinner and now this gentlemen in your deaf ministry. You've got everything you need to make sound decisions regarding your love life. You're God's daughter, His princess, you can call on Him in prayer whenever you want, you've asked Him to help you discern what's right and you understand why He has placed certain boundaries between men and women to protect you. Relax and find peace in all that you've got and let God be God on the rest of it. I'm working on this every minute with my situation.
> 
> I have found that it's easier for me to be positive when I have prayers in agreement. If you want to PM something specific to be in agreement and go to God with for you please feel free. Anyone can do so on this board, and I hope I can ask the same.  Sorry for the rant.





THE 50 year old man is SOMEONE completely  different. This is not the man i invited to my birthday party. Two totally separate people I kind of feel guilty for inot inviting 50 year old to my bday party but I feel like, is he  gonna wanna hang with a bunch of 20,30 year olds and it will be silly youthful convo...

I don't know. he asked me to dinner so....
and I accepted
and NOw i'm wondering if he as asking me on a date in  A roundabout way
because he told people.. I"d marry her because shes nice wonderful and beautiful but... i'm twice her age. then he acts like he wants to take the friendship to the next level. soo I have nothing against older men. I date men 30 and above. but 50.. is kind of puushing it for me. I don't wnat to push away his friendship on  one hand but giving him ideas..  I DON'T KNOW i feel CONFUSED!


----------



## Kimbosheart

luthiengirlie said:


> THE 50 year old man is SOMEONE completely  different. This is not the man i invited to my birthday party. Two totally separate people I kind of feel guilty for inot inviting 50 year old to my bday party but I feel like, is he  gonna wanna hang with a bunch of 20,30 year olds and it will be silly youthful convo...
> 
> I don't know. he asked me to dinner so....
> and I accepted
> and NOw i'm wondering if he as asking me on a date in  A roundabout way
> because he told people.. I"d marry her because shes nice wonderful and beautiful but... i'm twice her age. then he acts like he wants to take the friendship to the next level. soo I have nothing against older men. I date men 30 and above. but 50.. is kind of puushing it for me. I don't wnat to push away his friendship on  one hand but giving him ideas..  I DON'T KNOW i feel CONFUSED!



 I understand that they are 2 different people, didn't you mention the bday boy was a frat boy, still in school? Well I guess they could be the same but I figured they were different. Anyway, that wasn't the point so much of my reply. It was more an answer to you feeling confused more than it was about what to do about a specific guy. Until you find "the one" the guy you're feeling a certain way about may change, so focus on stopping the "confused/awkward/impatient etc..." feeling. I just got it in my spirit that God doesn't want us to feel any negative way. We need to focus on the trust in him because he's given us all the tools we need to do our part in His plans.


----------



## luthiengirlie

I'm going to remain in prayer.. I know my family is not going to go for the idea since they are over protective. But I will see how it goes with 50 year old and frat boy.. This is an interesting turn of events.


----------



## Kimbosheart

My Daughter,

You are right where you are supposed to be. So many people have theories and insights on how couples are to come together and the truth is that many miss it by interpreting what they want rather than what I choose. A man pursuing...a girl refusing, these are not necessarily the optimal conditions for mate selection. Adam did not “pursue” the Woman, nor did she spend her time creating ways to make it challenging for him to do so. Just like one’s purpose or date of birth and death, it is I who determines the “who, when, and where” of authentic and spirit-led matrimony and intimacy. It is the responsibility of both parties to follow as I, and I only lead.

You are not waiting on some man to “get his act together” or “see you for who you really are”, and no matter how it may appear to you in the physical realm, in the spiritual sense, “he” is right on schedule; my schedule. You are not to be listening to what man says, no matter what form the voice may reveal itself (media, tradition, statistics, naysayers, etc.). Remember, I decided when it was time for Adam to receive the miracle of female assistance and so if you have an issue with physical time, don’t take that up with anyone other than me; even then, know that I have your best interest at heart. Far too many of my daughters are consuming themselves with fear and anxiety about things that are really none of their concern. My ways are not your ways and until I unite you with the one you are purposed to benefit, his whereabouts and activities are not to be a priority to you. If you have not been joined to him yet, it’s simply because it’s not the right moment. He is not ready and neither are you. There are finishing touches that must be placed on you both and no matter how you may feel or what you might think, I am a God of order. I will not be pressured to move outside of my plan.

I know it must be hard. Flesh never likes to submit to my will. But please let me continue to mold you. Before you ever existed, you were hand-selected for someone and that has not changed. As the Creator, I am excited about my handiwork. Don’t go looking for answers to questions you are not able to conceptualize or present in a way that will intimidate me to react or respond. As I did with your parents, let me have the pleasure of presenting you as a gift to your mate. Ask your mother and father if they will ever forget the first time they saw your face. I want “him” to experience a similar thrill. If you want to channel out your energies, get excited about how excited I am about you; about how blessed I know he will be to have you!

Again, don’t concern yourself about the time. I am timeless. Concern yourself instead with remaining in my hands so that I can perfect you to be all that he needs--- so that when it’s the right moment, there will be no fear, no hesitation, no question that you are indeed the one that he is meant to live out the rest of his days on the earth with. Far too many women are not praised on their wedding day by their husbands in the way I would’ve liked because they did not allow me the opportunity to complete them to be what was required, and the man was not discerning enough to know the true purpose that his companion was meant to serve in his life.

I want more for you. Love me enough to let me give it to you. Just as you are to be a blessing to him, he is to be provider and protector for you; he is to bless you as well in ways even your prayers have yet to articulate, but in my infinite wisdom, I know you deserve.

Remember, above all else that, like faith, marriage is a spiritual union. This is the time to remove yourself from your senses, from what the physical is telling you and tap into your spirit. This is when you can please me most by standing and believing that I am true to my Word...even when you don’t see, feel or hear evidence of its manifestation. The Spirit always moves at what you all call “light years” ahead of the flesh. It takes it some time to catch up. (Hebrews 11:6) Be patient. (I Corinthians 13:4)

Stay in my will and I will show you the way---a way that leads to love, bliss and happiness. A place where you will feel naked and not ashamed…until death parts you. A place where your future husband will restfully await you.

I love you. Be still and know. Really know. I do.

Your Heavenly Father
©Shellie R. Warren/2008


----------



## luthiengirlie

So.. Dude didn't show. Disappointed but not suprised. Men never keep their word. Always been that way and I should b used to that by now.


----------



## phynestone

^^^^^That tells you everything you need to know. There will be someone else better for you.


----------



## luthiengirlie

phynestone said:


> ^^^^^That tells you everything you need to know. There will be someone else better for you.


 you're right


----------



## momi

luthiengirlie said:


> I admit. I am noticing something. The closer I grow to Adonai, Men treat me diffrently. I'm meeting a diffrent caliber of men. Men who love Adonai, Men who are respectful and funny. Men who come to me and say.. Something special about you.
> 
> When I didn't know my worth I constantly dealt with men who just wanted my body, they would leer at me and be so disrespectful.
> 
> I don't deal with that now.. I don't tolerate it now. I even find myself checking men cussing around me(which is strange because I used to be a cusser).
> I find myself checking men for calling women B's and H's. I find myself saying, this is what I'm willing to put up with..what I'm NOT. I guess..in a sense, I'm FINDING myself. I'm not where I need to be as far as friendships/relationships with men go. But I can definetly say I am very very very far from who I used to be. I didn't even really notice these changes. I am comfortable with the Christian men I'm friends with. They are funny but they are respectful...wow.



awesome


----------



## explosiva9

Hello,

Well this is my first time posting on this topic, I think... lol.  I have been single for some time and I don't like it but I don't hate it.  I'm ok because I have so many things going on and quite frankly I am enjoying my time with God.  Right now, He is the love of my life.  I do miss having a mate sometimes but I'm so confident that God has someone amazingly spectacular that the patience to wait is naturally occuring.  My only plan of actions is to be outdoors more.  That's it.

God Bless


----------



## Mis007

DreamLife said:


> So I've been lurking around for a few days, and I'm finally deciding to post. Right now I am at the point where I am exhausted and drained about thinking about my singleness. Last year I was obsessed for some reason for "making it happen" through my own might...what a joke! Losers came my way left and right....left and right! This year I decided I wouldn't focus on it but its like weddings, the talk of marriages, the why are you single ? conversations are following me!
> 
> I don't feel comfortable around my extended family because they are all married and I feel that they are looking at me with a "I feel sorry for you" look, and making comments/questions about When are you getting married? So I try to limit my time with the family as a whole unit even though I love them, I feel like I'm so separated as a single that there is nothing to talk about (husband/wife trips, kids etc).
> 
> *I'm tired of my single friends who sit around and talk about the statistics of black single women in America, which perpetuates or triggers a fear of being single forever.*
> 
> I'm sick of going to church by myself, listening to the sermon and having the pastor tell people "Go home and enjoy family" when I go back home to my lonely apartment.
> 
> I'm at the point where I'm not ready for a mate but I do want some fellowship from Christian people in general. And the dilemma is that I am in a medical program where I don't have time. So its a never ending, I wish I could do this and that but I have school, work, career obligations. So I am just sad, thats all. I always come up with a plan to what I will do (socially) for the next semester or quarter but then whatever I am in at the moment is more demanding than originally thought. Like right now I'm planning to attend a church service/bible study or some activity once a week (besides sunday) so I can get back in the Word as well as meet and fellowship with people. I pray to God to help me get this schedule together but its like I'm crying out to the wall. I just don't know.


 
@ the bolded my single christian friends and I have made a pact not to engage in chatter about the state of black single women and marriage we are all about proving statistics wrong .


----------



## Kimbosheart

luthiengirlie said:


> So.. Dude didn't show. Disappointed but not suprised. Men never keep their word. Always been that way and I should b used to that by now.


 
I'm sorry he didn't show  did he confirm saying he would come? Anyway, God's already picked out the best person for you and he'll come at the right time. I wouldn't ding him to hard for this, we've all said we would be somewhere and not shown up. Its not just about the right person, it's about the right time and that goes for both you and him.


----------



## foxee

"Mission: Better Me" has been in effect for a little over 24 hours and I already met someone.  A guy at the car lot today asked for my number.  Who knows if he'll call or not.  I think the "new in town" angle is really working in my favor.    I also met an attractive neighbor today . . . but I am NOT going there.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Kimbosheart said:


> I'm sorry he didn't show  did he confirm saying he would come? Anyway, God's already picked out the best person for you and he'll come at the right time. I wouldn't ding him to hard for this, we've all said we would be somewhere and not shown up. Its not just about the right person, it's about the right time and that goes for both you and him.



He confirmed several times. Even the day before. I admit a part of me was hoping hed break that pattern I've been seeing in men since I was I child. Promise but never follow through I meant a black man. Yet I stll desire to love a black man. Strange


----------



## phynestone

I know you have to work with this guy in the deaf ministry if I'm correct, but if I were you, I'd limit my interaction with him.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Imma have to do that. I think he's catchin feeling


----------



## ToyToy

Kimbosheart said:


> My Daughter,
> 
> You are right where you are supposed to be. So many people have theories and insights on how couples are to come together and the truth is that many miss it by interpreting what they want rather than what I choose. A man pursuing...a girl refusing, these are not necessarily the optimal conditions for mate selection. Adam did not “pursue” the Woman, nor did she spend her time creating ways to make it challenging for him to do so. Just like one’s purpose or date of birth and death, it is I who determines the “who, when, and where” of authentic and spirit-led matrimony and intimacy. It is the responsibility of both parties to follow as I, and I only lead.
> 
> You are not waiting on some man to “get his act together” or “see you for who you really are”, and no matter how it may appear to you in the physical realm, in the spiritual sense, “he” is right on schedule; my schedule. You are not to be listening to what man says, no matter what form the voice may reveal itself (media, tradition, statistics, naysayers, etc.). Remember, I decided when it was time for Adam to receive the miracle of female assistance and so if you have an issue with physical time, don’t take that up with anyone other than me; even then, know that I have your best interest at heart. Far too many of my daughters are consuming themselves with fear and anxiety about things that are really none of their concern. My ways are not your ways and until I unite you with the one you are purposed to benefit, his whereabouts and activities are not to be a priority to you. If you have not been joined to him yet, it’s simply because it’s not the right moment. He is not ready and neither are you. There are finishing touches that must be placed on you both and no matter how you may feel or what you might think, I am a God of order. I will not be pressured to move outside of my plan.
> 
> I know it must be hard. Flesh never likes to submit to my will. But please let me continue to mold you. Before you ever existed, you were hand-selected for someone and that has not changed. As the Creator, I am excited about my handiwork. Don’t go looking for answers to questions you are not able to conceptualize or present in a way that will intimidate me to react or respond. As I did with your parents, let me have the pleasure of presenting you as a gift to your mate. Ask your mother and father if they will ever forget the first time they saw your face. I want “him” to experience a similar thrill. If you want to channel out your energies, get excited about how excited I am about you; about how blessed I know he will be to have you!
> 
> Again, don’t concern yourself about the time. I am timeless. Concern yourself instead with remaining in my hands so that I can perfect you to be all that he needs--- so that when it’s the right moment, there will be no fear, no hesitation, no question that you are indeed the one that he is meant to live out the rest of his days on the earth with. Far too many women are not praised on their wedding day by their husbands in the way I would’ve liked because they did not allow me the opportunity to complete them to be what was required, and the man was not discerning enough to know the true purpose that his companion was meant to serve in his life.
> 
> I want more for you. Love me enough to let me give it to you. Just as you are to be a blessing to him, he is to be provider and protector for you; he is to bless you as well in ways even your prayers have yet to articulate, but in my infinite wisdom, I know you deserve.
> 
> Remember, above all else that, like faith, marriage is a spiritual union. This is the time to remove yourself from your senses, from what the physical is telling you and tap into your spirit. This is when you can please me most by standing and believing that I am true to my Word...even when you don’t see, feel or hear evidence of its manifestation. The Spirit always moves at what you all call “light years” ahead of the flesh. It takes it some time to catch up. (Hebrews 11:6) Be patient. (I Corinthians 13:4)
> 
> Stay in my will and I will show you the way---a way that leads to love, bliss and happiness. A place where you will feel naked and not ashamed…until death parts you. A place where your future husband will restfully await you.
> 
> I love you. Be still and know. Really know. I do.
> 
> Your Heavenly Father
> ©Shellie R. Warren/2008



Thank you so much for posting this!!!! You have no idea how timely this is!


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

I feel some real conviction about my life right now..the stuff in the dark type stuff..even if I don't ever get a mate I want to be a pure vessel for God sexual impurity is a bad fruit of the spirit that I don't want in me..I love this youtuber called Lady D she gives some on point tough to swallow words..but I know its growing me


----------



## milaydy31

I ladies,

I hope everyone is ok.
I am here to ask for some support. I feel miserable these days. I am in a phase where I ask myself if I can endure more than that.
I feel lonely. Everybody in my entourage has someone, they marry, they have children, they go on holidays with their mate and I am still the same one, the eternal single me. 
I feel all the more lonely than I don't talk about it to anybody because I always have the same answers: "You better take advantage of your singleness to have some fun and bla bla bla, I wish I could be like you and bla bla bla..." I really hate when people make answers like that.
I don't go out much because when I am with my friends the only thing they talk about is their mate and sometime it's ok but sometime it's enough. 
So as I don't talk about it to anyone I am always the one they come to when they have problems with their soul mate. At the beginning it wasn't a big deal because I have to be there for my friends but now it's starting to bother me.
I don't like to be with them anymore, sometime I don't even answer to my phone when they call and I cancel some rendez vous. I can't explain why but it's like that.
At the beginning I tried to make some efforts to go out and meet people, to dress well because you never know, but now I feel like it's a waste of time.
Today at work, the only thing that I wanted to do was crying. 
Plus, at my office, there is this guy that I really like. He is handsome, nice and very cultured. But he doesn't seem to notice me. He talks to everyone but me. Between us it's only "hello" and "good bye". He only talks to me when it's necessary (for work). So when he sometime look at me I feel ugly and pathetic. What a horrible feeling. I feel that the more my singleness last the more I lose my self confidence.
The most difficult is that even thou I say that I can take it anymore, I don't see what else I can do in order to feel better, it's like it doesn't depending on me, because I can't control this part of my life.
I have never said it before but I really hate to be single.


----------



## ALWAYZL8

milaydy31 said:


> I ladies,
> 
> 
> *I am here to ask for some support. I feel miserable these days. I am in a phase where I ask myself if I can endure more than that.*
> I feel lonely. Everybody in my entourage has someone, they marry, they have children, they go on holidays with their mate and I am still the same one, the eternal single me. .


 
  You are not alone!


----------



## luthiengirlie

REMEMBER when Paul said it is better to marry than to burn with passion?

I pray Adonai sends hubby soon cause I AM BURNING!!!!!
or pray for me ya'lll


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

luthiengirlie said:


> REMEMBER when Paul said it is better to marry than to burn with passion?
> 
> I pray Adonai sends hubby soon cause I AM BURNING!!!!!
> or pray for me ya'lll


 
I second that!!!

I am really not feeling this season of my life.  No one is attracted to me, no matter where I go no guys approach me.  People tell me how beautiful I am but no one is interested.  I am believing I am right where the Lord wants me, but I am started give up on a mate being out there for me.   Yeah, I am having one of those days. Pray for me!


----------



## luthiengirlie

It is hard Adonai realizes this. Its a period of healing and growth. But I admit there are times I miss being held, hugged and kissed. Touch is my love language and its hard not having anyone to communicate that to.


----------



## Kimbosheart

How is everyone doing? I've been traveling otherwise things are going well. I have to keep reminding myself to patient for God's will to reveal itself. That's been hard. I've also been battling the enemy in other areas of my life. But I really have no complaints and I am doing well. Please post a brief update. Tell us how you've been.


----------



## OhmyKimB

Do_Si_Dos said:


> I second that!!!
> 
> *I am really not feeling this season of my life.  No one is attracted to me, no matter where I go no guys approach me.  People tell me how beautiful I am but no one is interested.*  I am believing I am right where the Lord wants me, but I am started give up on a mate being out there for me.   Yeah, I am having one of those days. Pray for me!



Not burning I hate to admit that though. (I guess I figure if I feel it we can move this train along) God is giving me the strength to sit still.  However the bolded is the story of my life, except with one person....

And that is a mess I am looking to God for...and when I try to get away I can't because my road ends up blocked. And when I try to stay and wait I start to get way to anxious and all over stuff...why can't I just entertain myself for now??!!??


----------



## phynestone

I'm doing well. Just trying to stay focused.


----------



## Bella02

Hi ladies

Just subscribed to this thread.  I'm in a really lonely place right now so this is very timely.  Going to catch up on the pages to see if I can find some inspiration to keep my head up.


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

I'm doing okay.  I've spent more time dealing with other people's relationships that it's made me just fed up with them but then at the same time wondering why I'm not in one (though I know the answer to this).  

I've been battling "the burning" because random guys from my past keep popping up.  None of them are potentials because of different reasons but its hard to not get the "the burning" when someone is finally paying you attention (even tho it's just texts).  I've been saying little prayers to make give me strength not to pursue them, call them, text them first.  It's been a rough week.  

My birthday is less than a month away and I can feel the anxiety of getting older with no prospects wearing me down.  My pastor made a good comment about how we think we are strong enough to handle our temptation/sin but how really need to focus on the Lord to bring us through those situations (he said it a lot better).  It struck a cord in me because I know I stay away from/dismiss men as a way of fleeing temptation vs letting the Lord strengthen me/my spirit to encounter these situations and not sin.

I'm just bored, lonely and tired.  I work too much and don't really go out so it makes one very frustrated.  Praying for us all.


----------



## phynestone

Vonnie-

I get that way sometimes. What helps me is staying busy b/c those thoughts tend to creep up when I'm at home doing nothing and remaining bored. I think those guys are coming your way b/c the Devil sees that you're progressing and he wants to remain stagnate and/or regress.


----------



## luthiengirlie

I admit for some strange reason I'm getting the "I messed up baby, I'm almost 40, You're almost 30, Let's settle down and get married, Lemme treat you right" Stuff ad nauseum? WHY? WHY ARE YALL BOTHERING ME! Its funny cuz the old me would have been. REALLY. but now its like.. I DON'T WANNA BE BOTHERED!


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## aribell

Continually breaking off or avoiding potential relationships because of spiritual differences is getting to be too much.  More of a practical problem than a complaint.  I find trying to date to be pointless because the chances that a man is going to take his obedience to God seriously is very slim.  At this point, I'm open to being set up by someone who knows me and what my life is about.  But otherwise, entertaining the interest of these men just seems to be a point of perennial temptation and frustration.


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## Vonnieluvs08

nicola.kirwan said:


> Continually breaking off or avoiding potential relationships because of spiritual differences is getting to be too much.  More of a practical problem than a complaint.  I find trying to date to be pointless because the chances that a man is going to take his obedience to God seriously is very slim. * At this point, I'm open to being set up by someone who knows me and what my life is about.  But otherwise, entertaining the interest of these men just seems to be a point of perennial temptation and frustration*.


 
I can so agree with this point.  I haven't been on a date in over a year but with the people who do try to approach me (from my pass) they just don't get it.  I've never been a dater but at this stage sometimes I don't think I would even want to for real.  I think the only other way I could be in a relationship or go on a date is with someone who has been watching me and understands who I am, what I am about and the like and is okay with all of it and willing to learn the rest.


----------



## aribell

This week I'm trying to wrap my head not around the promise of God to bring desire to fulfillment (or even my own ability to bring things about in my life), but rather on Jesus' words that we will have to die to our lives in order to live in Him.  It's so easy to focus on what we hope God will give us or what we hope to achieve.  But I have been challeneged with the question of whether I can accept that walking faithfully with the Lord could ultimately mean that I may not find that man that "gets it."  That there will be more suitors who have to be passed on that other women will think are great catches.  That where finding a "good man" may not be difficult, that finding a godly one might?  Am I willing to keep letting them go?  Will I still be able to worship Him 15 years from now as a single?  30?  Such a sacrifice may not be required, but that's what it is--a sacrifice of obedience.  And if as single women we can be faithful in that sacrifice, we have fellowship with Christ.


----------



## foxee

Hey ladies!

This week I'm feeling . . . okay.  Right now I want a relationship but don't want to put up with kissing a bunch of frogs.  I'm running low on patience.     Since I moved I've been attracting a lot of yougin's, from 18 (yes 18!) to 23.  In their defense I look really young for 33, but I want a guy my own age!  

I recently reconnected with Sean, who lives in Houston.  We've been friends for over a decade.  He has decided to make it his job to find me man.   He called yesterday and passed his phone over to a man who wanted to speak to me.  He seemed nice so we exchanged numbers.  Later that day when he called I asked, "So how long have you known Sean?", and he replied, "Oh we just met today!"    Matchmaker FAIL!  Plus this guy had the audacity to call me 6 times in a row while I was on another call.  Immediate turnoff!


----------



## luthiengirlie

I'm recently really interested in someone  He seems perfect..... he's understanding and all that but.... something... something something.... I don't know. It feels so intense REALLY intense.


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## loolalooh

nicola.kirwan said:


> *Continually breaking off or avoiding potential relationships because of spiritual differences is getting to be too much. * More of a practical problem than a complaint.  *I find trying to date to be pointless because the chances that a man is going to take his obedience to God seriously is very slim. * At this point, I'm open to being set up by someone who knows me and what my life is about.  But otherwise, entertaining the interest of these men just seems to be a point of perennial temptation and frustration.


 
Thank you for posting this!!  Thank you.  It really speaks to me as I'm experiencing something similar.  It really is beginning to be too much ...


----------



## foxee

foxee said:


> Hey ladies!
> 
> This week I'm feeling . . . okay.  Right now I want a relationship but don't want to put up with kissing a bunch of frogs.  I'm running low on patience.     Since I moved I've been attracting a lot of yougin's, from 18 (yes 18!) to 23.  In their defense I look really young for 33, but I want a guy my own age!
> 
> I recently reconnected with Sean, who lives in Houston.  We've been friends for over a decade.  He has decided to make it his job to find me man.   He called yesterday and passed his phone over to a man who wanted to speak to me.  He seemed nice so we exchanged numbers.  Later that day when he called I asked, "So how long have you known Sean?", and he replied, "Oh we just met today!"    Matchmaker FAIL!  Plus this guy had the audacity to call me 6 times in a row while I was on another call.  Immediate turnoff!


 
Whew!  That was some vent.  What difference a few hours can make.  My "crush" just called to inform me he'll be in my city this weekend, so we'll get to hang out!  We've been friends for over 10 years and haven't seen each other since last fall.  He's made his intentions clear, but I'm not going to get too excited . . . yet.  *keeps fingers crossed*


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

I hope it works out for you Foxee!!!!  Keep us updated!!!


----------



## Sarophina

nicola.kirwan said:


> This week I'm trying to wrap my head not around the promise of God to bring desire to fulfillment (or even my own ability to bring things about in my life), but rather on Jesus' words that we will have to die to our lives in order to live in Him.  It's so easy to focus on what we hope God will give us or what we hope to achieve.  But I have been challeneged with the question of whether I can accept that walking faithfully with the Lord could ultimately mean that I may not find that man that "gets it."  That there will be more suitors who have to be passed on that other women will think are great catches.  That where finding a "good man" may not be difficult, that finding a godly one might?  Am I willing to keep letting them go?  Will I still be able to worship Him 15 years from now as a single?  30?  Such a sacrifice may not be required, but that's what it is--a sacrifice of obedience.  And if as single women we can be faithful in that sacrifice, we have fellowship with Christ.


 
These are my thoughts exactly. I was reading a wonderful book, Sacred Singleness [by Leslie Ludy], and the author made a wonderful point about giving up the desire for a partner as a sacrifice and to fully focus on Christ. Sometimes like Abraham, we get our sacrifice back and other times like Paul we lose it all. But, Paul said he would rather us to be unmarried than married so we can be in single-hearted devotion to the Lord. He's my inspiration because he didn't care if he was single. He was so in love with the Lord.

I don't know where or even when I'm going to meet my husband. But, the Lord has let me know, it wont be any of my doing anyways. He already has it mapped out, I just have to keep my eyes on him. Rebekah was going about her own business and just decided to help someone out and she got her a husband. But, the thing about it, was God led the servant to Rebekah. Rebekah wasn't searching for a man. This is what I have to remind myself.


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

My mom told me the other day that she had a dream about me meeting a nice young man.  She said she began praying for me and the Lord directed her thoughts to her dream.  So I have been in a state of Thanksgiving.  I don't know when he is coming or how, I just know he is coming.  So in the mean time, I am just focused on school, work and deepening my relationship with Christ.


----------



## foxee

Do_Si_Dos said:


> I hope it works out for you Foxee!!!!  Keep us updated!!!


 
Thanks!  We went out on Friday and it was nothing short of amazing!  Still, I'm not going to obsess over it (you know how we ladies can be!).  I will continue to pray for discernment.  I got to keep my eyes open and not get so caught up in my feelings that I miss all the important details.  Only time will tell . . . .


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## Vonnieluvs08

foxee said:


> Thanks!  We went out on Friday and it was nothing short of amazing!  Still, I'm not going to obsess over it (you know how we ladies can be!).  I will continue to pray for discernment.  I got to keep my eyes open and not get so caught up in my feelings that I miss all the important details.  Only time will tell . . . .


 
I'm glad things went well.  Just keep praying and listening to the Lord.  If it is in His will then things will progress in a positive light. *_keeping my fingers crossed and my prayers with you*_


----------



## Sarophina

Do_Si_Dos said:


> My mom told me the other day that she had a dream about me meeting a nice young man.  She said she began praying for me and the Lord directed her thoughts to her dream.  So I have been in a state of Thanksgiving.  I don't know when he is coming or how, I just know he is coming.  So in the mean time, I am just focused on school, work and deepening my relationship with Christ.


 
That's awesome


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

I went on a date last night.  It was my first time out with a man in over a year.  It wasn't one of those 20 questions date so I don't know too much more about him then I did when I met him.  Still not sure if he is a believer, but he seems to be good peoples if he ends up not.  He was very well behaved-opened doors for me, walked me to my car, escorted me around.  We hugged at the end and I called him when I got home (had to drive 1hour) to let him know I made it safe.  I'm not getting hopes or expectations up.  Just praying for wisdom/discernment and guarding my heart and emotions (he's everything I would want physically in a man).


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## foxee

I'm glad you had fun  Keep us posted girl!


----------



## LovelyRo

Sigh.... I'm finally open to the idea of dating and a couple decent guys have tried to talk to me... too bad I don't like them.  I forgot how difficult this whole dating process can be.  Through it all, I'm keeping God first and I will wait for the person He has prepared for me.


----------



## dicapr

I'm so tired.  I can't take another person explaining to me that who I am is the reason no one wants me.  In that case I will just get used to being alone and get that second cat.  Yes I am older.  Yes I am socially shy and akward-you've been trying to change that about me all my life.  It hasn't worked yet.  I'm sorry I have career goals and I am not looking for someone to take care of me. I am sorry that is a turn off for the me who are interested in "me".  That is part of who I am.  Forgive me for not dating men a few years younger than my father-I forgot a 30 something woman has to take what she gets.  I guess I'll just stay single because no one wants me anyway and I am too picky for the few old men who would give me the time of day.  Vent over.


----------



## luthiengirlie

I'm learning how to observe people and not rush into relationships. These two men of God are teaching me what I want/dont want. So I pray I learn what I need to.


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## foxee

So confused!  I wish I had a crystal ball so I could look into my future and see who I marry, but I guess that would take the fun out of it, right?


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

foxee said:


> So confused!  I wish I had a crystal ball so I could look into my future and see who I marry, but I guess that would take the fun out of it, right?


 
Uh yeah!!  LoL!!

Only God has the "crystal" ball.  Being Alpha & Omega is quite a feat.  If I could just have a tad bit of that for me or even some one close to me would be great.

Keep praying my sista!!


----------



## foxee

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> Uh yeah!!  LoL!!
> 
> Only God has the "crystal" ball.  Being Alpha & Omega is quite a feat.  If I could just have a tad bit of that for me or even some one close to me would be great.
> 
> Keep praying my sista!!


 
Thanks sis!  I'll definitely stay in prayer.  Can't wait for my breakthrough!


----------



## Raspberry

nicola.kirwan said:


> This week I'm trying to wrap my head not around the promise of God to bring desire to fulfillment (or even my own ability to bring things about in my life), but rather on Jesus' words that we will have to die to our lives in order to live in Him.  It's so easy to focus on what we hope God will give us or what we hope to achieve.  But I have been challeneged with the question of whether I can accept that walking faithfully with the Lord could ultimately mean that I may not find that man that "gets it."  That there will be more suitors who have to be passed on that other women will think are great catches.  That where finding a "good man" may not be difficult, that finding a godly one might?  Am I willing to keep letting them go?  Will I still be able to worship Him 15 years from now as a single?  30?  Such a sacrifice may not be required, but that's what it is--a sacrifice of obedience.  And if as single women we can be faithful in that sacrifice, we have fellowship with Christ.


 



Sarophina said:


> These are my thoughts exactly. I was reading a wonderful book, Sacred Singleness [by Leslie Ludy], and the author made a wonderful point about giving up the desire for a partner as a sacrifice and to fully focus on Christ. Sometimes like Abraham, we get our sacrifice back and other times like Paul we lose it all. But, Paul said he would rather us to be unmarried than married so we can be in single-hearted devotion to the Lord. He's my inspiration because he didn't care if he was single. He was so in love with the Lord.
> 
> I don't know where or even when I'm going to meet my husband. But, the Lord has let me know, it wont be any of my doing anyways. He already has it mapped out, I just have to keep my eyes on him. Rebekah was going about her own business and just decided to help someone out and she got her a husband. But, the thing about it, was God led the servant to Rebekah. Rebekah wasn't searching for a man. This is what I have to remind myself.



Sarophina nicola.kirwan These are thought provoking replies and I understand where you're coming from, but how does one reconcile hope and faith for a mate with these thoughts?  Consistent faith in God's sovereignty and willingness to fulfill my desires in various areas of my life is something I struggle with; so when I get tempted to forsake my desire for a mate out of weariness I know that is sin (for me).  So many times in scripture we are commanded to ask and believe without doubting, to expect our God given desires to be met... Personally I have felt the need to stir up my faith about God's sovereignty and absolute power and goodness. 

The idea of sacrificing our desires is interesting - Paul did not say we need to strive to be like him in the area of singleness but having a heart that puts loving God above all else is the truly the mark of the high calling and Sarophina, your post moves me to simplify my heart's cry around that calling 

As far as accepting that in order to go to greater heights in God I may have to accept that there will never be a man who fully matches me, I've considered this in the past but now believe it's not my place to presume this, as  I believe God wants us to take life one day at a time and not to worry about tomorrow or get into a place where we're reasoning away His sovereignty through our natural minds - that's why we're told not to lean on our own understanding as the natural mind is not sufficient to understand spiritual things.


----------



## aribell

@Raspberry: I think this is something that everyone kinda has to sort through themselves, and the last thing I would want to do is to discourage another woman in her hope for a mate. So what I write, I write only as reflective of where I am today and not necessarily where I'll be tomorrow, or where I think other people should be.

That said, with the quote you mentioned, _where my head is today_ about God's promises is that a promise is a specific spoken word that God is going to do something particular; and we can have faith that He will do it because He has said that it will be. There are lots of things that God specifically promises believers that we know for a fact will come to pass--like a resurrected body. But there are other things that He hasn't specifically promised, but we take to Him as our good Father, asking that He would grant us this thing if He is willing. Jesus never told anyone "no" when they asked Him for something, but we also know lots of people with handicaps, illnesses, etc. who have not received their requests from the Lord. He has allowed them to remain as they are even though they pray. Essentially, He's allowed them to be subject to the fallenness of this world.

With respect to singleness, I think that many Christian women, myself included, are simply experiencing the fallenness of this world. Once, a missionary to an obscure Eastern European country came to speak at my church, and he pointed out that in the midst of this great spiritual revival and spreading of the Gospel, many of the young women remained single. And he said this was the case because more of them had embraced the Gospel than men and so there weren't suitable mates for them. He characterized their singleness as a result of obedience and faithfulness to Christ. And thus they were not discouraged by their situation, but took comfort in the fact that their burden was the result of walking faithfully with God.

I know that there are a lot of women in our society, black women in particular, who feel like it's ultra-difficult to meet a good man or be pursued by a good man, godly or not. Honestly, this has not been my issue. My problem has been continually having to break off burgeoning relationships with "good black men" because they are not godly. For that reason, to keep myself from either compromising my faith by entertaining these relationships or becoming bitter and confused as to why things have not manifested for me, I meditate on sacrificial obedience to Christ; that's what _my_ singleness is right now, as were I to choose to do things my own way (by not holding to Christ's standards), I think my state in life would be otherwise. I can't know that for certain of course, but it's true as far as I can tell. So I have to continually take myself back to Jesus' words that whoever wishes to follow Him must first deny herself and take up her cross. [not to imply that I do this successfully, btw. I rarely manage to have the right attitude.] However, singleness may mean something entirely different for another woman.

I don't presume to know what will happen in the future, though I really don't expect that I will end up permanently single. But thinking about the possibility that I could end up that way for me isn't about giving up the desire for marriage so much as it's about subordinating it to my call to live faithfully and joyfully regardless of what state I am in. I know that the Lord has heard my prayers, know that He knows me, and know that if He desires that something come to pass, it will be. But I can't mentally and emotionally handle the constant looking and wondering that pouring energy into the husband question produces in me. And the quoted passage was my way of handling it.


----------



## aribell

Oh, and also, I do think that we can be overly spiritual about things sometimes in addressing what may be a practical problem. @Bunny77 has continually advocated for a more proactive approach to things, recognizing that in our current society, there a specific forces that have to be fought against, and if we just go with the flow, we'll just end up wherever the culture dumps us. John Townsend and Henry Cloud in How to Get a Date Worth Keeping also take a very practical approach that people my find intense, but I think it works well.

I'm not at the point in my life that I can make finding a mate an intentional priority that I go out of my way for. (and intentionality is what I think it will take for a lot of Christian women, since most men that we meet during the normal course of life will likely not be suitable.) But, Lord willing, I will be at that place in a few years, and when it is the right time, if there are no prospects on the horizon, I will not spiritualize it, but rather go at it practically with the approach of solving a problem. I'd probably start telling every happily married woman I know to be on the lookout for me, I'd do the online thing, I'd be sure I was meeting eligible Christian men throughout the week. If I didn't know where, I'd figure it out somehow. Were I at that point, getting married would sort of be like a puzzle I had to solve. There aren't ever guarantees, but I don't know that "waiting" per se is the goal. Patience may be a better word. 

So, what I wrote was just for where I am in my life right now, and I'd encourage women who do feel it is time for them to get married but aren't having much luck to check out Candace Water's Getting Serious About Getting Married. Debbie Maken also has an interesting story and pov. And also, there's that Cloud & Townsend book which I thought was really helpful for shifting mental gears about relationships from passive to active.

Again, there aren't ever guarantees in life, but perhaps we are tempted to resort to "releasing it to the Lord" before we have exhausted all our efforts and options.


----------



## stephluv

Helllo Ladies!!! i'll be subscribing to this thread....but I just wanted to post that I got baptized last weekend and I feel  inside.....I broke up with the ex on my birthday 2 mths prior and this past wknd i deleted alot of phone numbers...Things are the same but then nothing is the same.....

Been to alot of weddings this summer and alot more people are getting engaged but I'm happy knowing that I on the right path and I have many more blessings on its way. Please stay encouraged ladies and lets continue to support each other on this journey

Many of us will be tempted and go through trials while dating but lets keep each other in prayer and let God have his will and his way!!

My theme quote while single/dating will be from Maya Angelou (i think its her quote)- "A womans heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man will have to seek HIM first, in order to find her."


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## Vonnieluvs08

Hey Ladies!!

How are you all doing? 

Me I'm just chilling.  There was no second date and seeing that he just had back surgery there won't be one for quite a while.  I was going to tell him we could be friends.  Unfortunately he is not a believer from what I can gather from our conversations.  

One of my sistah in Christ got engaged and I couldn't be happier for her.  I remember telling her to be patient he is finding the right time and that time was yesterday.  The ring is beautiful.  They are a lovely example of Christian Love and they have been a blessing to me.

Another sistah in Christ is getting married in October but I have serious reservations about this union.  I am in serious prayer and fasting in how the Lord would have me address the situation.  The wedding is less than a month away and in Jamaica.  All of it has transpired in 3months and I'm praying that the Lord would clarify things for me.

On another note....Question- What do you think about having a man over your house or to his house for a date?


----------



## foxee

I'm doing well!  I've stopped listening to well meaning people in my life filing my head with nonsense.  Last week was the first weekend in a month that I stayed home.  Otherwise I'm sticking to my personal challenge of going out every weekend.  I also make sure I'm presentable every time I leave the house - no bumming it!   

I still have a crush on my friend that I went out with about a month ago.  He's out of the country on business but hopefully we'll get to see each other again soon.


----------



## stephluv

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> Hey Ladies!!
> 
> How are you all doing?
> 
> Me I'm just chilling.  There was no second date and seeing that he just had back surgery there won't be one for quite a while.  I was going to tell him we could be friends.  Unfortunately he is not a believer from what I can gather from our conversations.
> 
> One of my sistah in Christ got engaged and I couldn't be happier for her.  I remember telling her to be patient he is finding the right time and that time was yesterday.  The ring is beautiful.  They are a lovely example of Christian Love and they have been a blessing to me.
> 
> Another sistah in Christ is getting married in October but I have serious reservations about this union.  I am in serious prayer and fasting in how the Lord would have me address the situation.  The wedding is less than a month away and in Jamaica.  All of it has transpired in 3months and I'm praying that the Lord would clarify things for me.
> 
> On another note....Question- What do you think about having a man over your house or to his house for a date?


 
Before I was saved i would yes a house date is fine...now that i'm saved and wiser from my experiences I say no cause I know me- I am way too new to this path for me to test the waters....unless its like a group date and he doesnt try to help you clean up and its just ya'll two alone type of thing I would see where his mind and his spirit is at first......i pray that God gives you the answer my dear....right now i'm waiting to be courted and God knows this so it'll happen for me in due time


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

I think I was being flirted with today while out at IHOP.I def wouldn't have been able to talk to the young man since he wasn't my cup of tea but he surely gave me his attention.I think that I have now gotten real good in being me..Im feeling myself in a great way and my attitude is what it is..I only like the dudes that are witty and can think on their feet..are smooth and go after what they want in a professional way..maybe one day a guy will not see me as a beast but just a little fatty challenge..


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

stephluv said:


> Before I was saved i would yes a house date is fine...now that i'm saved and wiser from my experiences I say no cause I know me- I am way too new to this path for me to test the waters....unless its like a group date and he doesnt try to help you clean up and its just ya'll two alone type of thing I would see where his mind and his spirit is at first......i pray that God gives you the answer my dear....right now i'm waiting to be courted and God knows this so it'll happen for me in due time


 
Thank you StephLuv.  I was asking because I live by myself.  Most of my friends live in the city.  I definitely don't want to test the waters but dating is expensive (driving, eating, doing something constructive).  I enjoy watching movies and have an extensive DVD library.  I've been asked to go by a man's house (who lived with his parents) to watch movies and chill.  I didn't do it for many reasons mainly I wasn't trying to meet his parents.  I just find it all confusing because I'm not a dater and this whole Christian dating/courting thing seems very confusing.

I too am waiting on the Lord to send me the man he has for me.


----------



## foxee




----------



## Vonnieluvs08

Hey Ladies.

So I am done with the adventures in dating.  I've learned some really important things from the experience.  I think part of the reason I tried the dating thing is because a lot of my friends are either engaged, in courtships, or dating and I'm the oldest with no  prospects on the horizon.

1.  I found that I want a Jesus Freak.  Someone who is more than a professing Christian, but a man who lives and breathes the Scriptures.  If Jesus is not central to your life then there is no way you can lead me.

2.  I have some issues I need to let the Father heal me of.  Some of these issues were keeping me from even dabbling in the dating scene (I was on a "I hate all men" kick for a year).  Some of the issues I never really confessed and prayed for healing from.  But if I want to get married I definitely need to work some things out.

3.  It will happen in God's time and no other way.  I wasn't actively pursuing men but I was making myself more available.  I haven't heard a loud NO! about internet dating but with the few experiences I've had I don't think its the way for me.  And it's easy to push your own agenda even when you try not to.  That heart is so wicked it will fool yourself.  I can't let age dictate when I should marry.

4.  Accountability is so important.  If I wasn't staying accountable to people (letting them know about dates, or men I've encountered) it would have been so easy for me to fall into sin (inappropriate convo, loose boundaries, etc)  merely out of loneliness.  Having good solid believers who love you and have your best interest at heart has been a God send indeed.

5.  Jesus has to be my husband before any man can be.  Funny thing is the adventures in dating actually had me seeking the Lord more and praying for decisions about things.  I felt I needed to be grounded in the Word and with Jesus to keep a right perspective and not get caught up with the infatuation of  being in a relationship and marriage.

Right now I'm trying to find contentment again in Jesus alone.  It's hard to do this when so many outside influences  (family, friends, myself, biology, media) are stressing marriage.  I know who I serve so at the end of the day I know He has my best interests at heart and my happiness and satisfaction is in Him and Him alone.


----------



## Do_Si_Dos

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> Hey Ladies.
> 
> So I am done with the adventures in dating.  I've learned some really important things from the experience.  I think part of the reason I tried the dating thing is because a lot of my friends are either engaged, in courtships, or dating and I'm the oldest with no  prospects on the horizon.
> 
> 1.  I found that I want a Jesus Freak.  Someone who is more than a professing Christian, but a man who lives and breathes the Scriptures.  If Jesus is not central to your life then there is no way you can lead me.
> 
> 2.  I have some issues I need to let the Father heal me of.  Some of these issues were keeping me from even dabbling in the dating scene (I was on a "I hate all men" kick for a year).  Some of the issues I never really confessed and prayed for healing from.  But if I want to get married I definitely need to work some things out.
> 
> 3.  It will happen in God's time and no other way.  I wasn't actively pursuing men but I was making myself more available.  I haven't heard a loud NO! about internet dating but with the few experiences I've had I don't think its the way for me.  And it's easy to push your own agenda even when you try not to.  That heart is so wicked it will fool yourself.  I can't let age dictate when I should marry.
> 
> 4.  *Accountability is so important.  If I wasn't staying accountable to people (letting them know about dates, or men I've encountered) it would have been so easy for me to fall into sin (inappropriate convo, loose boundaries, etc)  merely out of loneliness.  Having good solid believers who love you and have your best interest at heart has been a God send indeed.*
> 5.  Jesus has to be my husband before any man can be.  Funny thing is the adventures in dating actually had me seeking the Lord more and praying for decisions about things.  I felt I needed to be grounded in the Word and with Jesus to keep a right perspective and not get caught up with the infatuation of  being in a relationship and marriage.
> 
> Right now I'm trying to find contentment again in Jesus alone.  It's hard to do this when so many outside influences  (family, friends, myself, biology, media) are stressing marriage.  I know who I serve so at the end of the day I know He has my best interests at heart and my happiness and satisfaction is in Him and Him alone.


 
I am guilty of this one... I was really enjoying meeting different guys, but Christian dating/courting is very confusing.  I am starting to feel like a guy who understands that I am really want to wait to have sex is going to be almost impossible.  The men I am meeting feel as if it is very important to find out if you are sexually compatible before marriage. But anywho...... have a blessed day!


----------



## Sarophina

On another note....Question- What do you think about having a man over your house or to his house for a date?[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't do it! I don't believe in putting myself in any compromising situations. When I am courted, we will always be around others, unless we are in the public. The Spirit is willing to obey God's word, but my flesh is weak. I don't think I want to ever put myself in a situation that could lead to sin.


----------



## mz tracy 25

...deleted


----------



## ToyToy

Hey everyone !! Just checking in to say hi. I'm trying to stay strong.


----------



## foxee

My dating life has been non-existent lately.  I have been working 6 and 7 days a week.  On the days I take off, I'm too exhausted to go out.  My birthday is coming up in four months and lately I have been thinking more about my future, especially my finances.  So right now one of my main focus is relaunching my business successfully and making it extremely profitable.   Dating is just not on my radar right now, but maybe that'll change in the future.


----------



## Mis007

Hey ladies, l have been doing a lot of thinking whilst on this journey and yes while we are preparing and waiting for that perfect God-blessed relationship. Do any of you ever think whether God has that planned for you. Sometimes I do wander, and often ask myself why  spend so much time getting ready for Mr Right?  I supppose I have to get away from the 'life spent in a relationship is a life worth living' mentality. What are your thoughts!

Happy Holidays.


----------



## tyrablu

How is everyone doing? I never posted in this thread before, but I followed it and have been encouraged by everyones testimony and response. As a single christian woman, I get encouraged when I speak to others in the same situation, especially those who are actively pursuing a stronger relationship with God above all else. 

Be encouraged ladies.


----------



## nubiennze

I was just thinking about bumping this thread! Since I didn't do it immediately (I believe I was in the car on my way to work at the time) I forgot exactly what I wanted to share though. 

I started to post what I do recall of my testimony, but it got _incredibly_ long, so it's now a blog.  Check it out and, if anyone wants me to post it here, I will.


----------



## Maracujá

It took me about two hours to read this entire thread but I don't regret. Hi Ladies! I'm a single Christian woman, I've been single for almost five years now and I am 25 years old. Just like you ladies my main focus is spending time with the Lord and talking to Him on a daily basis, I know that one day He will bring the man of my dreams to me. I want you ladies to have a nice weekend and I will share more with you ladies on a later date!


----------



## nubiennze

How's everyone doing these days? Any inspiring testimonies to share?


----------



## loolalooh

..........


----------



## nubiennze

(((loolalooh)))

I came in here hopeful that you ladies wouldn't be struggling the way I am, lol. I guess the bump is timely so we can be reminded to keep each other in prayer.

Any specific requests? I'm doing a lot better now than I was yesterday when I posted, but I could still use some help/support staying busy with the things of the Lord and not becoming emotionally/mentally preoccupied with *lack*. I have entirely too much to thank Him for--including being surrounded by people who genuinely love me, marriage or no--to complain about what I don't have. But of course, for this old flesh, there are some incredibly difficult moments. Please pray for me as I pray for you all...


----------



## loolalooh

nubiennze said:


> (((loolalooh)))
> 
> I came in here hopeful that you ladies wouldn't be struggling the way I am, lol. I guess the bump is timely so we can be reminded to keep each other in prayer.
> 
> Any specific requests? I'm doing a lot better now than I was yesterday when I posted, but I could still use some help/support staying busy with the things of the Lord and not becoming emotionally/mentally preoccupied with *lack*. I have entirely too much to thank Him for--including being surrounded by people who genuinely love me, marriage or no--to complain about what I don't have. But of course, for this old flesh, there are some incredibly difficult moments. Please pray for me as I pray for you all...



Thanks for the hugs!  Yes, let's definitely keep each other in prayer.  I know that we will ultimately be free from struggling so long as we stay focused on Him and His love for us.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Ealier this summer, God led me to a few books that have encouraged me a lot:







a very quick but powerful read and it was like $1.






got this one free (must have been a promotional) but it's worth the $10. 

Ladies, don't give up.  From C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters (where the devil is training a demon on how to attack humans):

_“Whatever he says, let his inner resolution be not to bear whatever comes to him, but to bear it 'for a reasonable period'--and *let the reasonable period be shorter than the trial is likely to last*. It need not be much shorter; in attacks on patience, chastity, and fortitude, *the fun is to make the man yield just when (had he but known it) relief was almost in sight*.” _

Don't fall for it ladies--the devil steps it up in the last hour. Victory is at hand.


----------



## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> got this one free (must have been a promotional) but it's worth the $10.
> 
> Ladies, don't give up.  From C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters (where the devil is training a demon on how to attack humans):
> 
> _“Whatever he says, let his inner resolution be not to bear whatever comes to him, but to bear it 'for a reasonable period'--and *let the reasonable period be shorter than the trial is likely to last*. It need not be much shorter; in attacks on patience, chastity, and fortitude, *the fun is to make the man yield just when (had he but known it) relief was almost in sight*.” _
> 
> Don't fall for it ladies--the devil steps it up in the last hour. Victory is at hand.



I downloaded this on Kindle after reading that thread.  Finally started reading it.  It's really good so far.  Thanks again.


----------



## tyrablu

Just read my own reply in this thread and had a wow moment. I have a lot to work on.


----------



## BrandNew

BrandNew said:


> Hi sisters,
> 
> I was watching this thread for a while and scared to post. Even though I just started dating I still consider myself single.
> 
> I don't know if this book was mentioned before but I'm reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is truly an amazing book and helping me to lay the foundation for the kind of Godly relationship I am trusting God for. I highly recommend it!! I'm reading it with my best friend and I think it would make a good book club read if anyone is interested.



Wow, I wrote this 2 years ago. I've been single for 5 years now with no prospects in sight. I'm 24 years old. Watching every one around me, friends and relatives, get married and in relationships (some even younger than me) gets discouraging. I realize that things will happen in God's time...


----------



## nlamr2013

I've been single all of my adult life(  I'm only 21 though) Reading through this thread for encouragement.


----------



## a_ caribbean_dream

t's always so refreshing to come back to this thread; especially this subforum of the forum overall.

i'm still single and now 25.
it's a lot harder now because people (friends and family) are really starting to ask questions and pry. I feel a lot more stable emotionally, financially, spiritually.

coughand I joined an online dating sitecough 

P.S. this book has been convicting me/beating me up spiritually recently:
The Resolution for Women

it is so well written and fitting, please pick it up.


http://www.amazon.com/The-Resolution-Women-Priscilla-Shirer/dp/1433674017


----------



## Sarophina

a_ caribbean_dream said:


> t's always so refreshing to come back to this thread; especially this subforum of the forum overall.
> 
> i'm still single and now 25.
> it's a lot harder now because people (friends and family) are really starting to ask questions and pry. I feel a lot more stable emotionally, financially, spiritually.
> 
> coughand I joined an online dating sitecough
> 
> P.S. this book has been convicting me/beating me up spiritually recently:
> The Resolution for Women
> 
> it is so well written and fitting, please pick it up.
> 
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/The-Resolution-Women-Priscilla-Shirer/dp/1433674017



MTE, I'm 25 as well and now I'm really thinking of marriage as a possibility. I have a feeling things will pop off in graduate school next year 

I wanted to read the Resolution for Women! My church's women's group is reading it; I think I'll join them. I thought it was a book for married women only. 

I hope my FH has read and follows the Resolutions ) I LOVED Courageous
!!!!


----------



## LoveisYou

Single, ready to meet the man God has for me. I want it to happen in Gods timing


----------



## Renewed1

MarriageMaterial said:


> Today was a tough day.  I really wished I was married already....ho hum!
> 
> Back to the search.....




WOW I wrote this two years ago.  I've been single for 6 years now and no prospects or even a date.

For some odd reason, I'm not even concerned about it.


----------



## Maracujá

MarriageMaterial said:


> WOW I wrote this two years ago. *I've been single for 6 years now and no prospects or even a date.*
> 
> For some odd reason, I'm not even concerned about it.


 
Same here. Been single for 6 years, no prospects. Decided to say goodbye to dating after a few fiascos.


----------



## LucieLoo12

Good thread ladies.

I've been single and celibate for 5 years. God is keeping me and He is fullfilling those voids with Him. I don't want nothing unless it's from God.


----------



## nubiennze

Belle Du Jour said:


> Don't fall for it ladies--the devil steps it up in the last hour. Victory is at hand.



I'd already read this post, but I've definitely needed this  confirmation/reminder. I'm going to try to remember to come back after  work and share why. The devil has been coming _at_ me, and I hate I  didn't think to come here (or to Christ, for that matter erplexed)  sooner. Hopefully I can spare someone else from going through as  long/severely as I've been recently...


----------



## loolalooh

Has anyone read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"?  A friend loaned me the book and I was wondering what y'all thought.  (Still reading "Finally A Bride".)


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

I have been real hesitant in posting in this thread. I can have a dark cloud effect at times. However, I have been single no man for 7 years. I try and say I don't need a man or I am not something to have one. I read so much now that now I'm sitting in  this life thinking maybe I was not one who was called for marriage thus no man ever. It would be easier if I hadn't had certian life circumstances but I have. Some done to me and others done to myself. So the idea of having someone who is on your side and who loves and protects you is desired.

With all of this I know without a shadow of a doubt if it's meant to be it will be. I will have to play active role but it can happen. I won't be mad if it take a bit longer or it doesn't come in the 6'5 broad shoulders career driven sun dipped in chocolate package either.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

nubiennze said:


> I'd already read this post, but I've definitely needed this  confirmation/reminder. I'm going to try to remember to come back after  work and share why. The devil has been coming _at_ me, and I hate I  didn't think to come here (or to Christ, for that matter erplexed)  sooner. Hopefully I can spare someone else from going through as  long/severely as I've been recently...



Remember, Satan wouldn't come after you if he wasn't threatened by something in you or something about to come through you.   Stay strong.  Even if all you can say is "Jesus, I trust it you" then let that be your prayer.  There is so much going on beneath what our human eyes can see and what our limited minds can comprehend.  Jesus is Lord of all.  Just remember that.  Even if your faith is the size of a mustardseed, God can work with that.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

loolalooh said:


> Has anyone read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"?  A friend loaned me the book and I was wondering what y'all thought.  (Still reading "Finally A Bride".)



I read Boy Meets Girl but not IKDG.  I really enjoyed BMG and I believe it got better ratings.


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

Belle Du Jour I don't know why I thought you were already married or something..don't know maybe you give off that energy.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

GoddessMaker said:


> Belle Du Jour I don't know why I thought you were already married or something..don't know maybe you give off that energy.



Dear GoddessMaker, I'll take that as a compliment  But no, I'm a wife in waiting too.  I won't mention how long I've been single


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

Belle Du Jour  Yes it's most definite a compliment. Some don't scream wife but some do. The amount of time means nothing because once it happens it will all be forgotten.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

GoddessMaker said:


> Belle Du Jour  Yes it's most definite a compliment. Some don't scream wife but some do. The amount of time means nothing because once it happens it will all be forgotten.



Wow, GoddessMaker, thank you.


----------



## Renewed1

I'm posting this comment here.  Don't judge me, but I have no where else to go to vent.

But this celibacy until marriage stuff is for the birds (I'm still going to practice). I have been celibate for SEVEN years; I'm tired of taking my "earthly" desires and finding an outlet for them....like exercising (although, my body is getting tight).  

I just desire to have my husband here already.  I just don't understand why I'm still in this waiting period with no prospects. 

I analyze, psycho anaylze and spent hours thinking about how to attract him and still have no clue.  I did the 30, 60, 90 day prayers for a husband. Read all the "encouraging" Christian and non-Christian books. I shorten my list, extended my list, threw away the list....nothing! Prayed, cried, prayed, cried, fasted....nothing. 

Gave my time, advice, fasted and prayed for other women in (bad/moderate) relationships to better relationships and encouragement for them.  Do you know how it feels to hear about other people who found a great CHRISTIAN guyS ALL THE TIME! The type of men, I'm desiring and I have yet to met ONE!

Yes, I know what the bible says and I'm tired of people quoting scriptures to me about this area. I read Ruth, Esther, what Jacob did to get his wife (wives) understand how some of the men of the Bible met their wives, I get the spiritual and natural side of relationships. I understand the relationship I'm suppose to have with Jesus and is doing it. 

I'm tired of trying to find activities to keep myself busy, so I won't think about it.  Yeah, that worked for a long time, but its not anymore. I'm tired and frustrated of being alone and "enjoying my singlehood".  Newsflash!! enjoying singlehood is only enjoyable when you don't want to be in a relationship. Outside of that, it's frustrating....well at least for me!!

I'm ready for my breakthrough in every area of my life. EVERY single area has been in a waiting period for years.  I'm just tired of WAITING!

End Rant....


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

I'm in my 30s and still ain't married but honestly I don't cry to much about it anymore. In my mid 20s I thought it was the end of the world because everyone around me was getting married and I wasn't. Now ive come to terms and though it sucks that im still single I think God has given me strength to deal with it. During my 20s I wasted a lot of time on a man who was not worth my time and dealing with him destroyed me. After that relationship I went on to make more relationship errors and by 29 everything just blew up in my face. Since then I have not dated but I don't really want to. The reason is because I have a lot of work I have to do on me. A lot of women say they want to marry but have passed on chances because the guy was not their type for whatever reason. Sometimes God can send you something that is not necessarily. Appealing to you but it is the best thing for you. I believe many of us have missed our chances and now have to pray God for a second chance. The older you get the harder it is to find a quality man so ladies who are still young please choose wisely. If you dating someone pray and ask God if he is tor you. Trust me God will answer that.

I know in my 20s I was preoccupied and even if God wanted to send the one I would not have noticed because I was wrapped into this man. Now I am all for the Lord and I believe he will send someone my way when he feels om ready.


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

MarriageMaterial honey you almost made me have to run around my office. Wow I could have wrote this word for word. I can't say anything that will comfort you but I do want you to know your not alone in your feelings. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not one of the lucky ones who has no desire to marry bc that would make things so easy but then there are some who don't desire and get married. I also wish I was one of those that had a super busy life so I wouldn't have time. But I don't. I hope God will show me if I'm made to be married or if I will die a sexually unfullfileld woman. But we can do the best we can and that's it.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

MarriageMaterial, I FEEL you.  More importantly, God feels you.  He knows everything about you--every care, every pain, every doubt, and every worry.  I want to share something that I read this weekend by Fulton Sheen and hopefully it will help you too:



> ...Neither can one enjoy love without a certain amount of self-denial.  It is not that love by its nature demands suffering, for there is no suffering in Divine Love.  But whenever love is imperfect, *or whenever a body is associated with a soul, there must be suffering, for such is the cost of love's purification.*





> Neither can one mount from one level of love to another without a certain amount of *purification*.





> The heart was made for the infinite and only the infinite can satisfy it.



What does all that tell me?  It tells me that my suffering is not in vain.  The path to the cross involved a lot of suffering but it was a path of True Love.  Everything in the earthly world has a spiritual counterpart.  Love is sacrificial--earthly love even more so.  Everyone has to pay their dues, even after marriage.  Some of us have to pay our dues up front, it seems, and wait wait wait.  But when you get down, take it to the foot of the cross and think about Jesus' own sufferings.  Lay your burden down and join it with His own suffering.  We all have those moments, but whatever you do, don't stay in those moments.  

And lastly, two verses God led me to today when I was feeling down about something specific.  I prayed for Him to speak to me and opened up my Bible to the following:



> That your faith should not be in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. . .But it is written "eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." I Cor 2:5 and 9





> Gather My saints together to Me, *those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice*. . .Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me. Psalm 50:5 and 15


----------



## BrandNew




----------



## Belle Du Jour

BrandNew said:


>



Thank you for this.  Further confirmation about a word I received recently  Here are my thoughts: if I gave my life to Christ--truly surrendered my life to Him--that includes *all *areas.  If I'm truly a slave for Him, He has the authority to give me away in marriage as His daughter in marriage as He sees fit.  I have free will and can ultimately say "yes" or "no" but the timing, the man, it's not totally up to me.  I know this is completely different than what the world says. . .

Don't get it twisted ladies, any one of us could be married by now if we simply wanted to be married.  We have a higher calling and just any man won't do.  God's standards are high too and He won't pair us with just anyone!  There may even be a dozen men out there that we could find on our own that we would get along pretty well with.  However, I believe God knows who the *best possible match* is and if we can sit still and give Him the opportunity to orchestrate our love story. . . I really think He wants to.  Let's continue to be open and watchful like the virgins who had enough oil in their lamps while waiting for the Bridegroom.


----------



## BrandNew

I recommended this book before in this thread but I'll post it again. When God Writes Your Love Story centres on what Belle Du Jour posted above about surrendering every area including our love life to God and allowing him to write the perfect love story for us.


----------



## nubiennze

I'm PMSing and I know it, but the loneliness and heartache have been a bit overwhelming this evening. I just want some seafood and someone to talk to, and it's frustrating not to be able to do anything about either one.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

BrandNew said:


> I recommended this book before in this thread but I'll post it again. When God Writes Your Love Story centres on what Belle Du Jour posted above about surrendering every area including our love life to God and allowing him to write the perfect love story for us.



I have been fighting with myself all summer about whether or not to get this book.  Literally, all summer.  I kept thinking--do I need another relationship book?  It was a search for reviews on this book that led me to discover Cheryl McKay's book in the first place.  I think I was hesitant to buy it because the Ludys were SO YOUNG when they met so I just didn't believe their story would be that inspirational for me since I'm over the age of 30.  But after seeing your post, I went right to Amazon and bought it.  I didn't want to ignore that prompting anymore.  So far, I'm loving it.  I don't know if it will be a breakthrough book for me (like McKay's book was) but I'm loving it so far. 

I'm now on a self-imposed ban on relationship books


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I don't know if this video was ever posted here but here's a spoken word poet talking about waiting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&sns=fb


----------



## nubiennze

nubiennze said:


> I'm PMSing and I know it, but the loneliness and heartache have been a bit overwhelming this evening. I just want some seafood and someone to talk to, and it's frustrating not to be able to do anything about either one.



Sooo...shortly after I posted this, an old suitor--someone in whom I  was never particularly interested--hit me up talking about we could've  been married by now but I always turned him down.  At the time I thanked the Lord for the distraction as I was in a spiritually vulnerable place, but idk y'all...I have my reservations.

I did agree to work toward rekindling a friendship with ol' boy, so please help me pray that I'm sensitive and spiritually responsible in this situation (should a "situation" persist).


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> I don't know if this video was ever posted here but here's a spoken word poet talking about waiting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&sns=fb



Yes it had been posted but I NEVER get tired of it, I listen to it from time to time to cheer me up


----------



## nubiennze

Belle Du Jour said:


> I don't know if this video was ever posted here but here's a spoken word poet talking about waiting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&sns=fb



 I hadn't seen this before!


----------



## sweetvi

I love that video!!! Checking out her. Website now


Www.mysteriousgenetics.com


----------



## loolalooh

Don't quote me on this, but I keep hearing in my spirit (or head) that I won't meet my future husband until two years from now.  Sometimes I hear from God correctly, and sometimes I don't.  It's a work in progress, but I keep on hearing two years.  Even now, I just left the "Please Share How God Answered Your Marriage Prayers" thread and read a testimony from a woman who went on a 2-year dating sabbatical before meeting her husband.  I really feel like that is what I'm called to do (even before reading her story).

There's a lot of purging that I need to do.  It's not necessarily so that I can "prepare" for my future husband, should I be blessed with one.  It is more so that I can "remove" the buildup and "fix" the damage from all the previous dating that I have done.  I am really filthified (just made up that word) ... more than I thought.  Even if I don't get married in this life, this purging will help me be a better, stronger, more grounded, more PURE person.  

Also, I've put reading "Finally the Bride" on hold to finish reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".  It just seems like a more logical step for me to read that latter first.  Also, I need to return the latter to my acquaintance soon; I own the former on Kindle.

What sticks out to me from the book so far are the differences in dating God's way vs. the world's way AND loving someone God's way vs. the world's way.  Though the book essentially discusses the topic of dating for marriage, which is something many of us already know and are possibly already practicing, the way the author marries it with various Scriptures and insight is refreshing.  The book delves WAY beyond saving oneself (i.e., one's body) for marriage.  There's discussion on how we hurt others if we date selfishly (i.e., we are not displaying the LOVE of Christ), on awakening intimacy and emotions before commitment, on wasting valuable time we could be using to develop spiritually and serve the Lord, on the real meaning of LOVE (i.e., God's love), and MORE.  I really like the read so far.  Granted, I'm barely halfway through the book, so there might be more than what I've already discussed ... including more than dating for marriage.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

loolalooh, let me share with you a story about timelines and dates:

This blogger felt she was called to step away from dating for 3 years.  She kept putting it off but finally decided to  do it.  Well, 9 days before her three years were up, a man contacted her on an internet dating website that she was on.  She asked him to wait for 9 days--she wanted to honor her promise.  He contacted her and they talked for a bit but she wasn't interested.  He kept texting her to tell he prayed for her and stuff like that.  She smiled but never replied.  One day, she had a feeling that she had scales over her eyes and asked God to help her see if He was trying to present her something adn she was being blind.  She decided to give the guy a chance.  They were engaged 8 months later, married 4 months after that she is due with her first child in a few weeks.  

Here are two more posts that she wrote that are very insightful:
http://lisageek.blogspot.ch/2009/08/alluding-love.html
http://lisageek.blogspot.ch/2009/08/i-believe-in-himand-him.html

God absolutely has a timeline in mind for each of us who have surrendered this area to Him.  Be like Mary and ponder it in your heart and keep moving and growing.  God bless you on your journey.


----------



## StarScream35

It's refreshing to see 30 something year olds up in here. Sometimes I feel so old and even worse for not being married with children. That biological clock is real! Let me tell you, when I was in my 20's, I was on fire for Christ or was buried in my studies. I did date but had no problem letting them step if they couldn't respect me for being a virgin. Then I got in my 30's. The clock started ticking, the fire burned out, I wasn't meeting any men and the sexual desires were getting stronger. For the first time in my life I backslid and I'm still backsliding. It's a hard rut to get out of and truly saddening, especially when I look back at how I was in my 20's. I never imagined being at such a sad point in my life. I never saw it coming. I never had anyone to minister to me about this area in my life as a 30 something year old. I remember writing to Kirk Cameron ministries telling them that teens are not the only ones who struggle with sexual desires, adults do too!! It's like Christian adults are the forgotten ones. I assume the church expects most people to be married in their 20's so they see no real need to address us 30's 40's 50 year olds who remain single and struggle with such a difficult area.


----------



## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> loolalooh, let me share with you a story about timelines and dates:
> 
> This blogger felt she was called to step away from dating for 3 years.  She kept putting it off but finally decided to  do it.  Well, 9 days before her three years were up, a man contacted her on an internet dating website that she was on.  She asked him to wait for 9 days--she wanted to honor her promise.  He contacted her and they talked for a bit but she wasn't interested.  He kept texting her to tell he prayed for her and stuff like that.  She smiled but never replied.  One day, she had a feeling that she had scales over her eyes and asked God to help her see if He was trying to present her something adn she was being blind.  She decided to give the guy a chance.  They were engaged 8 months later, married 4 months after that she is due with her first child in a few weeks.
> 
> Here are two more posts that she wrote that are very insightful:
> http://lisageek.blogspot.ch/2009/08/alluding-love.html
> http://lisageek.blogspot.ch/2009/08/i-believe-in-himand-him.html
> 
> God absolutely has a timeline in mind for each of us who have surrendered this area to Him.  Be like Mary and ponder it in your heart and keep moving and growing.  God bless you on your journey.



Love it!  Off to read.  Thank you for sharing so much in this thread and other, Belle Du Jour.   God bless you on your journey as well.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

loolalooh said:


> Love it!  Off to read.  *Thank you for sharing so much in this thread and other*, Belle Du Jour.   God bless you on your journey as well.



Honestly, it isn't me at all.  I feel like God is trying to tell me something because this stuff has been just finding _me _.  I'm just trying to share what is being shared with me.


----------



## menina

just here to encourage you ladies. i was reading a thread and a some women mentioned how they had to stop dating a guy because he was really into Christianity or he/they were not comfortable being unevenly yoked spritually. it just reminded me that there are men out there for us already in the body of Christ. not to say that God's light through us doesn't bring men that may be interested in us to Christ, but that we don't have to date non-Christian hoping/trying to change them or settle/whatever.


----------



## Maracujá

Brighteyes35 said:


> * when I was in my 20's, I was buried in my studies.*



I made that same mistake in my early twenties and I now regret it. I look at ladies younger than me and they have no problem juggling a relationship and their studies. Nowadays I do something that is so un-Christian, I keep thinking about this guy I met in 2006, we both had to retake exams for a certain class we failed and he would often come sit next to me and talk to me. I felt so comfortable talking to him and we really got along great, but because I was so focused on school - which he probably noticed - it just ended there.


----------



## Sarophina

Maracujá said:


> I made that same mistake in my early twenties and I now regret it. I look at ladies younger than me and they have no problem juggling a relationship and their studies. Nowadays I do something that is so un-Christian, I keep thinking about this guy I met in 2006, we both had to retake exams for a certain class we failed and he would often come sit next to me and talk to me. I felt so comfortable talking to him and we really got along great, but because I was so focused on school - which he probably noticed - it just ended there.



The right thing at the wrong time, is still the *wrong* thing. When God brings you and your husband together. It will DEFINITELY be at the right time. If it was the wrong time for you, then he wasn't the one my dear.


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## StarScream35

Maracujá said:


> I made that same mistake in my early twenties and I now regret it. I look at ladies younger than me and they have no problem juggling a relationship and their studies. Nowadays I do something that is so un-Christian, I keep thinking about this guy I met in 2006, we both had to retake exams for a certain class we failed and he would often come sit next to me and talk to me. I felt so comfortable talking to him and we really got along great, but because I was so focused on school - which he probably noticed - it just ended there.




I know what you mean. I had a guy who I'm pretty sure was into me in college and our personalities bounced off of each other but there I was so buried in studies and determined to finish college with flying colors. You see, my parents never got the chance to even finish high school. They were pulled out of school to help their parents. So growing up, I was aware of how this limited us. We weren't poor but definitely hard working lower class. I knew college would be my ticket to a better life and I was determined to not let anything sidetrack me, Now that I look back, I regret it. Surely I could have juggled a boyfriend and studies. Like you said, these ladies do it all the time without even thinking. I hate feeling this way but had I known what I know now, my college years would have been VERY different! I wish someone would have told me it gets harder to find men when you get in your 30's. All I ever heard was The Lord will send him to you.


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## Belle Du Jour

Sarophina said:


> The right thing at the wrong time, is still the *wrong* thing. When God brings you and your husband together. It will DEFINITELY be at the right time. If it was the wrong time for you, then he wasn't the one my dear.



Yep, and it's a lie from the devil to make someone think they blew it with someone or missed their destiny.  Now, that isn't to say that we can't push a great person away but I believe when someone is truly from God, He can give you enough chances to get it right.  How many times have we heard of men pursuing women despite them saying they weren't interested initially but God encouraged the men to keep pursuing.  Eventually, the women got it.  

Most of the times we think we let "the right one" get away, he wasn't really God's choice at all.  But if the devil can keep you in a disappointed place, he knows he's got you.  Take heart ladies and reject that message.


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## BrandNew




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## nubiennze

Belle Du Jour said:


> Yep, and it's a lie from the devil to make someone think they blew it with someone or missed their destiny.  Now, that isn't to say that we can't push a great person away but I believe *when someone is truly from God, *_*He can give you enough chances to get it right.*_  How many times have we heard of men pursuing women despite them saying they weren't interested initially but God encouraged the men to keep pursuing.  Eventually, the women got it.
> 
> Most of the times we think we let "the right one" get away, he wasn't really God's choice at all.  But if the devil can keep you in a disappointed place, he knows he's got you.  Take heart ladies and *reject that message**.*



Because thanks wasn't enough.

I've been _struggling_ with this very burden for several days (weeks?) now, and I audibly sighed of relief--of deliverance--when I read this. Thank God for you and this timely, encouraging word. I'm about to print out copies for my desk, my car, my purse, and my bedroom so I'll be armed when the enemy tries to strike again. 

Now I'm subscribed to this thread with instant notification, so how did I miss this post in the first place--i.e. days ago when it was first posted (and I could've really used it)...? You all see we have an adversary who's working overtime to, as Belle Du Jour mentioned, keep us in a disappointed place and disrupt our faith in and enjoyment of the Lord during this process.

Realize that we're at a war that necessitates a concerted effort on our parts to walk in the grace, the power, and the authority we already have in the Holy Spirit. It's so easy to fall into Satan's snares when we accept even an inkling of the world's standards and practices, so it's increasingly important--especially now with all the blatant attacks on black women and marriage--to actively employ our authority and stand on guard against _all_ unclean spirits that present themselves in our thoughts. They will _not_ have permission to take root, and I reject and rebuke any and all feelings of regret, rejection, disappointment, and inadequacy in Jesus' name...amen. 

Thanks again for the reminder to reclaim OUR peace--and that our seasons of singleness don't have to be miserable, woeful periods of lack.


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## Belle Du Jour

nubiennze said:


> Because thanks wasn't enough.
> 
> I've been _struggling_ with this very burden for several days (weeks?) now, and I audibly sighed of relief--of deliverance--when I read this. Thank God for you and this timely, encouraging word. I'm about to print out copies for my desk, my car, my purse, and my bedroom so I'll be armed when the enemy tries to strike again.
> 
> Now I'm subscribed to this thread with instant notification, so how did I miss this post in the first place--i.e. days ago when it was first posted (and I could've really used it)...? You all see we have an adversary who's working overtime to, as Belle Du Jour mentioned, keep us in a disappointed place and disrupt our faith in and enjoyment of the Lord during this process.
> 
> Realize that we're at a war that necessitates a concerted effort on our parts to walk in the grace, the power, and the authority we already have in the Holy Spirit. It's so easy to fall into Satan's snares when we accept even an inkling of the world's standards and practices, so it's increasingly important--especially now with all the blatant attacks on black women and marriage--to actively employ our authority and stand on guard against _all_ unclean spirits that present themselves in our thoughts. They will _not_ have permission to take root, and I reject and rebuke any and all feelings of regret, rejection, disappointment, and inadequacy in Jesus' name...amen.
> 
> Thanks again for the reminder to reclaim OUR peace--and that our seasons of singleness don't have to be miserable, woeful periods of lack.



God has been ministering to me about this issue all summer and I feel His peace about it.  It will be worked out.  No need to stress over something I can't control.  Like you said, we have an active enemy and I can't say how long this peace will last, but I cherish it because I've never had it about this particular issue.  It is settled and I'm taking God at His word.

God bless you on your journey and stay encouraged!


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## Maracujá

Watched this video on singleness by Myles Monroe yesterday after work, I actually enjoyed it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTLjPF236fM&list=FLCGCiWdoub0g88w2Q7C_0eQ&index=1&feature=plpp_video


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## Belle Du Jour

Any wise words on emotional purity or guarding your heart?  Sometimes, it's easy to get distracted by "counterfeits" or men who look good on paper but still might not be God's chosen for us.  It's hard to let them go, however, because the good ones seem to be limited. . .Thoughts on releasing guys or not getting mentally/emotionally caught up with guys you are not in a courtship with?


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## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> Any wise words on emotional purity or guarding your heart?  Sometimes, it's easy to get distracted by "counterfeits" or men who look good on paper but still might not be God's chosen for us.  It's hard to let them go, however, because the good ones seem to be limited. . .Thoughts on releasing guys or not getting mentally/emotionally caught up with guys you are not in a courtship with?



Belle Du Jour:

I know this sounds cliche, but I believe the best thing to do is not let them in the "emotional" door to begin with.  Once they're in, it's gets progressively harder to put them out.  A lot of times, we like to say that we didn't notice they were "counterfeits" until we got emotionally invested.  Well, it should be other way around.  We shouldn't get emotionally invested until we know the guy is not a "counterfeit".  And many times, the signs are there initially.

I believe one of the many reasons God gave us the Holy Spirit was to be able to readily discern in such situations as this.  I believe when a man "is the one God has for us", He will make it obvious in our spirit.  There will be no guessing game.  Thus, all other men stay outside of that emotional door until further notice.

*How do we keep that emotional door closed until then?  Well, here are some things I'm planning to do.  I'm not suggesting these as rules, but they're just things that will help me and may help others:*
**no one-on-one hangouts with a man who is not courting me; only hang out in a group setting
*no late night phone conversations with a man who is not courting me
Essentially no time to allow for emotional ties.*

*How do I release a current counterfeit?  Actually, I'm going through that right now.  Here's what I've started doing:*
**warfare in the form of remembering God's word; the enemy likes to say "Oh, just hold onto him until your husband comes" and "Oh, but him as a husband won't be so bad" and "Oh, but there are so few good men out there" and etc.  So I fight back with God's word.*
**rejecting future dates/hangouts with the counterfeit
*rejecting future phone conversations with the counterfeit
*blasting praise and worship music when I get the urge to pick up that phone or go on a date with them*

I hope this helps.  I'll also bump for other ladies to share.


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## Belle Du Jour

Great advice, thanks loolalooh


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## Maracujá

This is certainly an interesting view on things, one that has been talked about here on LHCF but I had to listen a second time to really grasp it: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BERIOlDTk2M&feature=youtu.be&hd=1


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## Maracujá

What being a wife really means

By Lana Moline

As a wife of 12 years, when I hear ladies say that they just want to be married I wonder what that means.  In our 12 years we have seen so many ups and downs and I think I have just reached a point of beginning to understand what being a wife truly means.  I fell in love with a man and we got married and began to build a life.  However, I did not truly consider the responsibilities and obligations that  are included in this role.  Of course I expected to be by his side, support him and encourage his success but I didn’t really know how engrossed my life would become with his and yet while that is the case, he would still depend on my ability to stand as a strong woman.  That’s a fine line that bears a lot of work.

I’ve realized that his desire every day to put his best foot forward is sparked by my desire to be all that I can.  It is like igniting and maintaining a fire that can withstand the wind.  Wives don’t really have the option of checking out of life or not having a plan.  Wives must have a vision of being fruitful and multiplying because they are the mothers of the earth.  I am not specifically speaking in terms of having kids but what I am saying is that wives are responsible for nurturing dreams and preserving hope at all costs.  Sometimes that may mean putting on the hat of tough love, which I admit that in my relationship it is a little challenging for me.  Come on, I don’t want to be the one who tells my husband that he may need to improve on something but as his wife, I’m his last look in the mirror before he leaves out the door.  So he depends on me for the truth.  It’s easy to stay in the girlfriend role and canoodle all day long but as a wife, I’ve got to keep it moving.

The security that comes with being a wife is priceless and when I think about the fact that woman was created from the rib of the man,  I can’t help but think about the function of the rib.  From all accounts of the sources that I have researched, a rib provides support and protection for the entire body.  So I encourage any single sister who consider themselves rib material to examine all that you bring to the table.  It extends far beyond accomplishments.  It’s about your willingness to follow through in tough times, your ability to nurse someone when the wounds are not physical and your tenacity in being a life coach for someone who you are in love with.  So here’s the caveat, it is imperative that you balance all of the things that I just mentioned all while taking excellent care of yourself because you would not be up for this lifelong challenge if you are not in optimal shape.  Take your time and prepare yourself to be the top of the line, PRIME RIB.


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## Belle Du Jour

I just had an idea: is anyone interested in doing a book club/discussion (by skype or free conference line)?  I've read some great books this summer ie Finally the Bride, Praying for Your Future Spouse and When God Writes Your Love Story.  I think any one of those would be a great book to discuss in the group.  It could also be a source of prayer and support.  Let me know if there is interest and I would be more than willing to set something up, create a study guide that we could all access on a site like drop box, etc.


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## loolalooh

*One reason to be patient and remain pure while being patient.  But not just sexually pure.  I mean spiritually pure in all your doings.  You never know if your future husband is watching you ...*

I had a dream a month ago or so.  In the dream, I was living it up socially. :reddancer: Every other night, you could find me at this venue or that venue.  *I wasn't doing anything atrocious, like getting drunk and making a fool of myself.*  But I was "that girl" you knew would be at that venue for the night.  People came to recognize me because I became a regular.

Anyway, in the dream, a single Christian man approached a guy I knew.  He was asking the guy questions about me, what kind of girl I was, etc.  Well, the guy told him that he didn't know much about me beyond being a "party" girl.  He told him that I was always out ... that I was a regular at a couple of the night spots.  This turned the Christian man all the way off  and stopped him from approaching me for courtship. 

This dream came back into my mind today, and I thought I would share it.  It made me think of this: As single Christian women, our main concerns generally consist of remaining sexually pure and serving the Lord in our singleness and, sometimes, praying for our husbands .  *    However, we should also keep in mind that our future husbands may be right around the corner watching us and gleaning from our doings.*  When we reach a certain maturity in our walk, certain things just have to be shed, in place of things that _*are*_ wholesome and holy .  And even if we are not doing something that is bad ... if it's not good, then what is it?  The Bible says to keep our "minds on whatever is right, whatever is pure" (Philippians 4:8) ... not on whatever is "not wrong", whatever is "not impure".  I hope you're hearing me.

*You never know if your future husband is watching you.* 

I'm also speaking to myself when I post this.  The dream put some things in perspective.

*Evaluate your activities and ask yourself: "Would my future hubby (a godly hubby) approach me if he saw me doing this?" :scratchch*


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## Belle Du Jour

loolalooh said:


> *One reason to be patient and remain pure while being patient.  But not just sexually pure.  I mean spiritually pure in all your doings.  You never know if your future husband is watching you ...*
> 
> I had a dream a month ago or so.  In the dream, I was living it up socially. :reddancer: Every other night, you could find me at this venue or that venue.  *I wasn't doing anything atrocious, like getting drunk and making a fool of myself.*  But I was "that girl" you knew would be at that venue for the night.  People came to recognize me because I became a regular.
> 
> Anyway, in the dream, a single Christian man approached a guy I knew.  He was asking the guy questions about me, what kind of girl I was, etc.  Well, the guy told him that he didn't know much about me beyond being a "party" girl.  He told him that I was always out ... that I was a regular at a couple of the night spots.  This turned the Christian man all the way off  and stopped him from approaching me for courtship.
> 
> This dream came back into my mind today, and I thought I would share it.  It made me think of this: As single Christian women, our main concerns generally consist of remaining sexually pure and serving the Lord in our singleness and, sometimes, praying for our husbands .  *    However, we should also keep in mind that our future husbands may be right around the corner watching us and gleaning from our doings.*  When we reach a certain maturity in our walk, certain things just have to be shed, in place of things that _*are*_ wholesome and holy .  And even if we are not doing something that is bad ... if it's not good, then what is it?  The Bible says to keep our "minds on whatever is right, whatever is pure" (Philippians 4:8) ... not on whatever is "not wrong", whatever is "not impure".  I hope you're hearing me.
> 
> *You never know if your future husband is watching you.*
> 
> I'm also speaking to myself when I post this.  The dream put some things in perspective.
> 
> *Evaluate your activities and ask yourself: "Would my future hubby (a godly hubby) approach me if he saw me doing this?" :scratchch*



Excellent post.  Remember when Ruth was gleaning in the fields, Boaz asked others about her.  And the report on her was top notch.  If the report had been bad, he may not have told his other workers to drop extra for her and when she approached him about redeeming her, he may have given her a serious side eye LOL.  Yes, live as if your future hubby is watching you.


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## Maracujá

^^^^Very true. My sister's DH was once giving me and my other sisters advice about men, black men in particular, and he said that when a black man wants to court a black woman, the first thing he'll do is enquire about her to others.


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## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> Excellent post.  Remember when Ruth was gleaning in the fields, Boaz asked others about her.  And the report on her was top notch.  *If the report had been bad, he may not have told his other workers to drop extra for her and when she approached him about redeeming her, he may have given her a serious side eye LOL. * Yes, live as if your future hubby is watching you.



Ah, yes!!  The story of Ruth is the perfect example.  

LOL-ing really hard at the side eye comment.   So true, indeed.



Maracujá said:


> ^^^^Very true. My sister's DH was once giving me and my other sisters advice about men, black men in particular, and he said that *when a black man wants to court a black woman, the first thing he'll do is enquire about her to others.*



Wow, I never knew!  All the more reason to watch what we're doing.


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## ree.denise

Is it too late to join this thread?


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## loolalooh

ree.denise said:


> Is it too late to join this thread?



ree.denise:

No.  You can join anytime!


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## Sarophina

Belle Du Jour said:


> I just had an idea: is anyone interested in doing a book club/discussion (by skype or free conference line)?  I've read some great books this summer ie Finally the Bride, Praying for Your Future Spouse and When God Writes Your Love Story.  I think any one of those would be a great book to discuss in the group.  It could also be a source of prayer and support.  Let me know if there is interest and I would be more than willing to set something up, create a study guide that we could all access on a site like drop box, etc.



Belle Du Jour This sounds like a great idea. I'm personally down for any of the three!


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## Belle Du Jour

How do you know that you're ready for marriage and motherhood?  Today as I watched some parents in church struggle with temper tantrums  I had a wave of fear come over me  Marriage and motherhood are such HUGE undertakings and you can't just walk away when it gets tough.  How do you know that you're ready.  Is there really a way to be ready?  I was feeling that I was ready but today I had this distinct fear that maybe I really wasn't.  Ugh, so confused.

Can you truly be prepared for marriage or do you just prayerfully go into it and grow along the way?  Maybe it's a combination of both. . .


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## Belle Du Jour

I see a few people were interested in the book discussion.  I will try and pull something together and either post here or start a new thread.  Thanks


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## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> How do you know that you're ready for marriage and motherhood?  Today as I watched some parents in church struggle with temper tantrums  I had a wave of fear come over me  Marriage and motherhood are such HUGE undertakings and you can't just walk away when it gets tough.  How do you know that you're ready.  Is there really a way to be ready?  I was feeling that I was ready but today I had this distinct fear that maybe I really wasn't.  Ugh, so confused.
> 
> Can you truly be prepared for marriage or do you just prayerfully go into it and grow along the way?  Maybe it's a combination of both. . .



You're in my head, Belle Du Jour!    I was thinking something similar, and I too, thought maybe I really wasn't ready.  

I cosign on it being a combination of the both.


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## Belle Du Jour

loolalooh said:


> You're in my head, Belle Du Jour!    I was thinking something similar, and I too, thought maybe I really wasn't ready.
> 
> I cosign on it being a combination of the both.



The tricky part is, I have no idea if I'm waiting because I'm not ready, he's not ready or there's something else that needs to happen independent of both of our wishes to be married.  Sometimes I wonder how waiting is going to help me get ready when nothing much seems to be happening.  I keep asking what lesson am I supposed to get out of all this?


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## Renewed1

Belle Du Jour said:


> The tricky part is, I have no idea if I'm waiting because I'm not ready, he's not ready or there's something else that needs to happen independent of both of our wishes to be married.  Sometimes I wonder how waiting is going to help me get ready when nothing much seems to be happening.  I keep asking what lesson am I supposed to get out of all this?




AMEN!!!! I've asked God what is going on!?!?!?!  erplexed

WHY WHY Is it taking so LOOONNNNGGGG!!!


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## OhmyKimB

Need this thread. My ex is getting married, of course on the timetable I had for our life. Yes I know it's not My plan but Gods plan.






Anyway I'm more disappointed about being single then I ever was.

Sent from my Mom's iPad using LHCF


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## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> The tricky part is, I have no idea if I'm waiting because I'm not ready, he's not ready or there's something else that needs to happen independent of both of our wishes to be married.  Sometimes I wonder how waiting is going to help me get ready when nothing much seems to be happening.  I keep asking what lesson am I supposed to get out of all this?



I completely feel you on that one.  This has entered my mind frequently as of late.  I wish I knew the answer.  I really did.


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## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> How do you know that you're ready for marriage and motherhood?  Today as I watched some parents in church struggle with temper tantrums  I had a wave of fear come over me  Marriage and motherhood are such HUGE undertakings and you can't just walk away when it gets tough.  How do you know that you're ready.  Is there really a way to be ready?  I was feeling that I was ready but today I had this distinct fear that maybe I really wasn't.  Ugh, so confused.
> 
> *Can you truly be prepared for marriage or do you just prayerfully go into it and grow along the way?  Maybe it's a combination of both. . .*



I think you grow along the way, it's not possible to know everything beforehand cause then there wouldn't be challenges anymore and the divorce rate would look alot different than it does now.


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## Belle Du Jour

Here is another index of God-written courtship stories: http://hutch5.xanga.com/tags/yourlovestory/

I know that no two love stories are exactly alike but they are inspiring to me all the same.


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## Belle Du Jour

I John 5:14-15 And we have this *confidence *in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked Him for is ours.

Psalm 62:8-9 My deliverance and *honor *are with God, my strong rock; my refuge is with God.  Trust God *at all times* my people!  *Pour out* your hearts to God our refuge.

*ETA: the words I bolded jumped out at me


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## Belle Du Jour

> Think of The Veil as a simple metaphor:  It is the idea that God places a protective veil over all of us and the purpose of the veil is to hide us from every possible suitor except the one that God intends for us to marry.  I call the person God wants us to marry our ‘holy spouse.’
> 
> This protective veil makes us ‘unclear’, similar to looking through a Mylar plastic sheet, to those suitors who are not our holy spouse. These suitors may be attracted to us but they hesitate to pursue us fully because they can’t fully see us; we are hidden by the veil.  This may feel like rejection but it is really God’s protection.
> 
> The Holy of Holies:
> 
> I love The Veil reference because of the beautiful meaning of a veil in scripture, especially the Old Testament.  For example, if you read from the book of Leviticus, it describes God’s requirements for entering the Holy of Holies.  The Holy of Holies is the most sacred room of the Tabernacle and God gave the Israelites very specific instructions on how to build the Tabernacle, who could enter this most sacred room and how they should enter it.
> 
> The Old Testament Tabernacle had 3 rooms: the courtyard, the middle room or Holy Place and finally, the Holy of Holies.  The design of the Tabernacle was explicitly given by God to Moses.  The Holy of Holies was where God dwelt among His people.  The Holy of Holies contained the Ark of the Covenant which held the Omer of Manna and the sacred tablets of the Ten Commandments written by the finger God on Mount Sinai.
> 
> The Veil:
> 
> A thick curtain separated the Holy Place from the Holy of Holies.  This curtain, known as the ‘veil’ was made of fine linen and blue, purple and scarlet yarn.  There were figures of cherubim embroidered onto it.  Cherubim, spirits who serve God, guarded the throne of God.
> 
> So, the Holy Place and the Holy of Holies were separated by the Veil.  The veil was a barrier between man and God, showing man that the holiness of God could not be trifled with.  The veil was a barrier to make sure that man could not carelessly and irreverently enter into God’s awesome presence in the Holy of Holies.
> 
> What does this have to do with your holy spouse and saving yourself for marriage?
> 
> I think if you will at least humor me on the concept of The Veil, you will see it revealed in the posts of this blog.  And, not surprising to me, I have found a good number of secular references all pointing to the same conclusion:  Fornication is destructive and Chastity is just plain smart.
> 
> Before people get too upset that I am using the term, let me look up the definition of ‘fornication’ to be sure we are all on the same page. Mr. Webster says:
> 
> for·ni·ca·tion noun 1. voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.
> 
> I want to make sure I am not perceived as being catty when I use this term.  I am just differentiating the act of fornication from the marital embrace.  Unmarried vs. married.
> 
> So, back to Chastity being smart.  I am aware that this message will not be accepted by everyone who reads it.  But, my heart is with single women.  I want you to know that there is a plan and a good reason why you are getting mixed messages from the guy you are interested in or dating.  I want you to know that there are rewards for treating the gift of our sexual powers with care and reverence.  And, that there are consequences to trifling with God’s design of our sexual powers.
> 
> The premise of The Veil theory is that God puts a protective veil over us and the veil is only to be ‘lifted’ by God and only lifted for the one He intends for us to marry, our holy spouse, in God’s specified time according to His specified plan.  And only our ‘intended’, our holy spouse, can enter the Holy of Holies (the marital embrace).
> 
> And, once God lifts the veil, our holy spouse sees us through the eyes of Love in all our beauty and virtue filled with grace and trust.  If, on the other hand, we try to lift the veil ourselves (sexually) prior to marriage and reveal ourselves to someone who is not our ‘intended’, the person will only see us with human eyes, blurred and with all our faults.
> 
> The Veil theory proposes that marriages fail and people suffer because they enter marriage with the veil still covering them.  They attempted, unsuccessfully, to lift the veil themselves through sexual sin before marriage and the veil, which remains in place, is no longer a protection but is instead a repellent to marital love.  Only God can lift the veil.
> 
> Unless the veil is removed by God in His time, the veil covers and obscures one’s true and best self and therefore one is never fully seen by their spouse and can never truly be loved.  Because they are never fully loved, it leads to insecurity and self-doubt, dissatisfaction and drama.  This drives the couple apart and leads to divorce and complaints of dissatisfaction.
> 
> Only God can lift the veil in His time through the virtue and power of Chastity. You do not want to attempt to lift the veil yourself through sexual sin before marriage.  It is a spiritual veil that you cannot lift.  Only God can. Nor do you want to enter into marriage with the veil still concealing your true and best self.
> 
> The Veil theory is loosely derived from Blessed John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, St. Thomas Aquinas, Alice and Dietrich Von Hildebrand and others.  The Veil is just a metaphor.  There is no Catholic doctrine surrounding it nor does anything similar to this metaphor result from a Google search.  It is just a metaphor.
> 
> The goal in my heart is to encourage you, the single girl, in Chastity and to give you the insight that what feels like rejection from men is really God’s protection.  It helps to know that the man who is rejecting you and sending you double messages cannot ‘see’ you so it is impossible for him to love and fully appreciate you…even if he tried.
> 
> But what about the man who God intends for you?  Will he see you fully?  Oh, yes.  Will you be loved and cherished?  Oh, yes.  Wait on the Lord.
> 
> Does the concept of the veil ring true to you based on your experience as a single person?  In other words, have you dated someone who acted interested but then, for some reason, did not want to move things forward?  If so, write to me or leave me a comment below.
> 
> Let’s support each other!



From The Veil of Chastity blog


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## Belle Du Jour

Links to the above blogger's love story:

Part 1
Part 2
Does God Arrange Marriages?


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## Belle Du Jour

Michelle McKinney Hammond is in a new video on overcoming disappointment on CBN: http://www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx?s=/mp4/KW103v1_WS


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## SuchMagnificent

Having alot of trouble with my faith lately..Im a prayerful woman, but my relationship with God is different nowadays. It seems like the more I pray for peace and happiness with one person, the more I end up being hurt and misled by multiple people.
I pray that I find the right one, that I receive some sort of sign that Im going about this in the right way, but every single situation is a failure.
In my mind I feel like my prayers arent being heard..and that frustrates me to the point where I struggle with praying as freely as I used to.


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## LongTimeComing

.........................


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## Belle Du Jour

Here is a link to an interesting blog post on when it seems like others are not following God's commands but seem to be thriving while you follow God's laws to the letter and seem to be forgotten.  

http://theveilofchastity.com/2012/11/30/7-myths-singles-must-resist-myth-1/

Just a couple quotes:



> What I have noticed is that the suffering from cohabitation, fornication and contraception does not always happen right away.  Sin is tricky that way.  It looks all fine and dandy at first in order to lure us in.  The goal is to make us think we are not doing anything wrong and that there will be no consequences.  But, sins’ purpose is to destroy us and make us suffer.  It takes its sweet time but you can depend upon it.
> 
> But, what about those of you who are waiting patiently and chastely?  Why does it seem that others are going about their business, fornicating, living together, getting big diamond rings, getting married, contracepting and then having babies on demand without any consequences?  Well, I want to reassure you that no one is getting away with anything. Give it time. It is a natural spiritual law.  We go against our design, we suffer.  In order to be redeemed, we suffer. . .
> 
> I wish I could guarantee you that your obedience is going to result in a reward designed by you.  But, I can’t.  God is not a vending machine.  We cannot drop in our coins of obedience and then select the reward buttons we desire expecting them to drop to the bottom for us to grab.
> 
> I also cannot guarantee that you will witness God’s perfect justice played out in consequences for those that cohabitate, fornicate and contracept.  Their life here on earth may appear to be completely consequence-free.  But, remind yourself that you do not have the inside scoop nor do you know the end of the story. Don’t let pride and conceit enter your heart.  Humbly take your eyes off of them.  It is not your business.  Close your eyes and remind yourself of God’s perfect justice and that thankfully, He chases all of us.


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## Belle Du Jour

Here are the rest of the myths from the same blog that Christian singles must resist:

Myth #1   Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free

Myth #2   God has forgotten about me

Myth #3   Something is wrong with me

Myth #4   Men/Women are defective

Myth #5   Attraction is Physical

Myth #6   I Am Too Picky

Myth #7   I Can Change Him/Her

Satan is a liar.  She will go through each of these weekly or biweekly.


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## Maracujá

Please continue to post them here, I don't follow her blog but I think I will start to now. Staying on the path is not for the faint of heart, I need to be stronger.


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## LifeafterLHCF

I lurk in here quite a bit but don't post often because well truthfully I feel I'm much to rogue to be the christian single. Men have come and gone in my life in the last 6 months like crazy. I'm becoming more and more concerned that something is wrong with the male sex. I know it's wrong to think but men are so idiotic to me it's unreal. I am taking care of me like never before. I wanted a prayer line or chat line for single sisters but I know that may not go anywhere. This process is hard because it seems I read daily here that someone meet someone and the dude sealed the deal so quick. It's been 7 years a few dates in the last 6 months but no dice. I know I'm fine as wine in the summer time and I'm a great person. I really am getting bored with waiting for a husband in order to do certain things. But I'm no fool and God has been carrying me for a mighty long time without me even seeing some of it. Something good will happen for me I just got to keep the faith.

I wake up to dreams of me crying tears of joy because I have a loving husband and a beauitful chocolate dot baby girl. I wake to reality which is a empty bed and no child no love. I get tired of loving others like what's the point. Everyone else gets to go to bed with love and feeling great and I have to hold myself at night. Don't get me wrong I love helping others feel great bc I know too well how it feels not to but I just want one man who is on point to think the world of me and wants to do for me. Like he takes pride in making sure Goddessmaker is cared for. I have no man doing such not a father,uncle nothing. Something will come out one day I feel it a bit.


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## Belle Du Jour

GoddessMaker said:


> I lurk in here quite a bit but don't post often because well truthfully I feel I'm much to rogue to be the christian single. Men have come and gone in my life in the last 6 months like crazy. I'm becoming more and more concerned that something is wrong with the male sex. I know it's wrong to think but men are so idiotic to me it's unreal. I am taking care of me like never before. *I wanted a prayer line or chat line for single sisters but I know that may not go anywhere.* This process is hard because it seems I read daily here that someone meet someone and the dude sealed the deal so quick. It's been 7 years a few dates in the last 6 months but no dice. I know I'm fine as wine in the summer time and I'm a great person. I really am getting bored with waiting for a husband in order to do certain things. But I'm no fool and God has been carrying me for a mighty long time without me even seeing some of it. Something good will happen for me I just got to keep the faith.
> 
> I wake up to dreams of me crying tears of joy because I have a loving husband and a beauitful chocolate dot baby girl. I wake to reality which is a empty bed and no child no love. I get tired of loving others like what's the point. Everyone else gets to go to bed with love and feeling great and I have to hold myself at night. Don't get me wrong I love helping others feel great bc I know too well how it feels not to but I just want one man who is on point to think the world of me and wants to do for me. Like he takes pride in making sure Goddessmaker is cared for. I have no man doing such not a father,uncle nothing. Something will come out one day I feel it a bit.



I think the prayer line is a great idea and am interested too. 

I know it's getting old, but don't give up.  Hold fast to your dreams of your  husband and "chocolate dot"   I mean, I don't have any other wisdom or insight because it's day by day for me too.  Just get the encouragement where you can and do everything you can to stay in line with God's word.  That's the best place you can be.  I believe that even if my dream never manifests, the world has NOTHING to offer me that I would want more than Jesus.  Nothing.  As you are experiencing, these secular men aren't worth it, not even a little.


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## stephluv

Belle Du Jour said:


> I see a few people were interested in the book discussion. I will try and pull something together and either post here or start a new thread. Thanks


 Belle Du Jour- I am also interested in this...please keep me posted



Belle Du Jour said:


> I John 5:14-15 And we have this *confidence *in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked Him for is ours.
> 
> Psalm 62:8-9 My deliverance and *honor *are with God, my strong rock; my refuge is with God. Trust God *at all times* my people! *Pour out* your hearts to God our refuge.
> 
> *ETA: the words I bolded jumped out at me


 


Belle Du Jour said:


> Here are the rest of the myths from the same blog that Christian singles must resist:
> 
> Myth #1 Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free
> 
> Myth #2 God has forgotten about me
> 
> Myth #3 Something is wrong with me
> 
> Myth #4 Men/Women are defective
> 
> Myth #5 Attraction is Physical
> 
> Myth #6 I Am Too Picky
> 
> Myth #7 I Can Change Him/Her
> 
> Satan is a liar. She will go through each of these weekly or biweekly.


 
Had to quote the above because Thanks just didnt seem like enough


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## LifeafterLHCF

Belle Du Jour said:


> I think the prayer line is a great idea and am interested too.
> 
> I know it's getting old, but don't give up. Hold fast to your dreams of your husband and "chocolate dot"  I mean, I don't have any other wisdom or insight because it's day by day for me too. Just get the encouragement where you can and do everything you can to stay in line with God's word. That's the best place you can be. I believe that even if my dream never manifests, the world has NOTHING to offer me that I would want more than Jesus. Nothing. As you are experiencing, these secular men aren't worth it, not even a little.


 

I will see if I can get a line set up for the prayer/chat line. My thoughts were prayer to start and end then in the middle actually chat about things that we are going through and include scripture. I find actually being able to talk helps alot. No more than 1hr or little over once a week. It can help keep us all accountable. I would like to do it in the New Year. 

I am trying my best to stay focused on making myself better and also growing. It will all make sense one day.


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## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> I think the prayer line is a great idea and am interested too.
> 
> I know it's getting old, but don't give up.  Hold fast to your dreams of your  husband and "chocolate dot"   I mean, I don't have any other wisdom or insight because *it's day by day for me too.*  Just get the encouragement where you can and do everything you can to stay in line with God's word.  That's the best place you can be.  I believe that even if my dream never manifests, the world has NOTHING to offer me that I would want more than Jesus.  Nothing.  As you are experiencing, these secular men aren't worth it, not even a little.



Yup that's what it is for me too. After reading what was written on the blog you posted yesterday about 'why he hasn't called you' and praying about it this morning I had a lightbulb moment: the blogger says that the reason why other men are not into you is because you are 'veiled' and only the one who is intended for you will see past that 'veil'. And then it got me thinking: where does my confidence come from? How do I assert that I am attractive? Well up until now it was based on how other men responded to my looks and persona, I say no more of this. And I get what you're saying GoddessMaker, I've been single for nearly 7 years aswell, I no longer dare say it to others but I've decided to enjoy my life. Not that I didn't do so before, I did, but I stopped about three years ago. Got all caught up in the 'when will it happen for me' ordeal, NO MORE! I plan to spend more time here, work on not falling for men or dating them (hard one) and enjoy myself. Already planned to spend NYE with Him in Paris, journaling and praying.


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## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> Yup that's what it is for me too. After reading what was written on the blog you posted yesterday about 'why he hasn't called you' and praying about it this morning I had a lightbulb moment: the blogger says that the reason why other men are not into you is because you are 'veiled' and only the one who is intended for you will see past that 'veil'. And then it got me thinking: where does my confidence come from? How do I assert that I am attractive? Well up until now it was based on how other men responded to my looks and persona, I say no more of this. And I get what you're saying GoddessMaker, I've been single for nearly 7 years aswell, I no longer dare say it to others but I've decided to enjoy my life. Not that I didn't do so before, I did, but I stopped about three years ago. Got all caught up in the 'when will it happen for me' ordeal, NO MORE! I plan to spend more time here, work on not falling for men or dating them (hard one) and enjoy myself. Already planned to spend NYE with Him in Paris, journaling and praying.



Her veil theory makes a lot of sense to me.  Leslie Ludy also talks about being "set apart" for your future spouse but more importantly for Jesus Christ.  Although I'm not an attention seeker in general, I think it's natural to want your looks, personality, etc to be validated, usually by the opposite sex.  I guess when the right man comes along (or maybe even a few counterfeits along the way who aren't the one), he will see what all the others couldn't before.  

Ringing in NYE in Paris sounds lovely.   This will be the first year in probably forever that I am not making any resolutions or "declaring" that "this is my year for love" because I have surrendered that area to God and it isn't for me to say when it's time.


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## loolalooh

loolalooh said:


> *Don't quote me on this, but I keep hearing in my spirit (or head) that I won't meet my future husband until two years from now.*  Sometimes I hear from God correctly, and sometimes I don't.  It's a work in progress, but I keep on hearing two years.  Even now, I just left the "Please Share How God Answered Your Marriage Prayers" thread and read a testimony from a woman who went on a 2-year dating sabbatical before meeting her husband.  I really feel like that is what I'm called to do (even before reading her story).
> 
> There's a lot of purging that I need to do.  It's not necessarily so that I can "prepare" for my future husband, should I be blessed with one.  It is more so that I can "remove" the buildup and "fix" the damage from all the previous dating that I have done.  I am really filthified (just made up that word) ... more than I thought.  Even if I don't get married in this life, this purging will help me be a better, stronger, more grounded, more PURE person.
> 
> Also, I've put reading "Finally the Bride" on hold to finish reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".  It just seems like a more logical step for me to read that latter first.  Also, I need to return the latter to my acquaintance soon; I own the former on Kindle.
> 
> What sticks out to me from the book so far are the differences in dating God's way vs. the world's way AND loving someone God's way vs. the world's way.  Though the book essentially discusses the topic of dating for marriage, which is something many of us already know and are possibly already practicing, the way the author marries it with various Scriptures and insight is refreshing.  The book delves WAY beyond saving oneself (i.e., one's body) for marriage.  There's discussion on how we hurt others if we date selfishly (i.e., we are not displaying the LOVE of Christ), on awakening intimacy and emotions before commitment, on wasting valuable time we could be using to develop spiritually and serve the Lord, on the real meaning of LOVE (i.e., God's love), and MORE.  I really like the read so far.  Granted, I'm barely halfway through the book, so there might be more than what I've already discussed ... including more than dating for marriage.



Officially quoting myself on this ...

I'm officially beginning a 1-year dating sabbatical.  (It may later extend to 2 years, but right now, I feel called to do 1 year at the minimum.)  

I am not going into this with expectations of meeting my husband after 1 or 2 years.  Rather, I'm going into it for purging and to refocus myself spiritually.  I'm starting today.  No more dates.


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## loolalooh

Maracujá said:


> Yup that's what it is for me too. After reading what was written on the blog you posted yesterday about 'why he hasn't called you' and praying about it this morning I had a lightbulb moment: the blogger says that the reason why other men are not into you is because you are 'veiled' and only the one who is intended for you will see past that 'veil'. And then it got me thinking: where does my confidence come from? How do I assert that I am attractive? Well up until now it was based on how other men responded to my looks and persona, I say no more of this. And I get what you're saying GoddessMaker, I've been single for nearly 7 years aswell, I no longer dare say it to others but I've decided to enjoy my life. Not that I didn't do so before, I did, but I stopped about three years ago. Got all caught up in the 'when will it happen for me' ordeal, NO MORE! I plan to spend more time here, work on not falling for men or dating them (hard one) and enjoy myself. *Already planned to spend NYE with Him in Paris, journaling and praying.*



Love the Paris idea with Him!


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## Belle Du Jour

loolalooh said:


> Officially quoting myself on this ...
> 
> I'm officially beginning a 1-year dating sabbatical.  (It may later extend to 2 years, but right now, I feel called to do 1 year at the minimum.)
> 
> I am not going into this with expectations of meeting my husband after 1 or 2 years.  Rather, I'm going into it for purging and to refocus myself spiritually.  I'm starting today.  No more dates.



Follow what the spirit is telling you.  I know someone who felt God was asking her to give up this dream for THREE years.  She was like   She was in her late 20s at the time and as we all know, the world says a woman is past her expiration date over 30 so taking herself out of the dating game for 3 years would be a foolish and risky move to everyone else.   Anyway, she finally decided to heed what she was hearing.  Well, literally after 3 years on the DOT, she met her future husband.  He proposed in 8 months and they married 4 months after that.  One year and a few months later, they had a son.  God's timing is PERFECT!  I have not heard such a timeline for myself.  What I hear tends to be "soon" or in the past I have felt "he's coming" but we all know God's idea of soon could be many many years.  Just ask Abraham


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## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> Follow what the spirit is telling you.  I know someone who felt God was asking her to give up this dream for THREE years.  She was like   She was in her late 20s at the time and as we all know, the world says a woman is past her expiration date over 30 so taking herself out of the dating game for 3 years would be a foolish and risky move to everyone else.   Anyway, she finally decided to heed what she was hearing.  Well, literally after 3 years on the DOT, she met her future husband.  He proposed in 8 months and they married 4 months after that.  One year and a few months later, they had a son.  God's timing is PERFECT!  I have not heard such a timeline for myself.  What I hear tends to be "soon" or in the past I have felt "he's coming" but we all know God's idea of soon could be many many years.  Just ask Abraham



LOVE this!!  Thank you for sharing.  And oh how I remember Abraham and Sarah's story.  

Also, thank you for encouraging us all in this thread, Belle Du Jour!  I really appreciate each and every one of your posts.


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## explosiva9

loolalooh said:


> Officially quoting myself on this ...
> 
> I'm officially beginning a 1-year dating sabbatical. (It may later extend to 2 years, but right now, I feel called to do 1 year at the minimum.)
> 
> I am not going into this with expectations of meeting my husband after 1 or 2 years. Rather, I'm going into it for purging and to refocus myself spiritually. I'm starting today. No more dates.


 
This is great. I too made myself the commitment of not even thinking about dating until 2014. And that was before I came in here and saw your post. I felt the need to step back and focus on myself and my walk.


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## loolalooh

explosiva9 said:


> This is great. I too made myself the commitment of not even thinking about dating until 2014. And that was before I came in here and saw your post. I felt the need to step back and focus on myself and my walk.



Oh wow!  That's amazing.  May the Lord help us to use this time wisely.  I'm glad I won't be doing this on my own.


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## loolalooh

So the day after I begin my dating sabbatical, I get invited on a pseudo-date.  Satan works fast.

Sigh.


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## LongTimeComing

I, too, am on hold regarding dating, because I have more important things to be doing.


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## explosiva9

loolalooh said:


> So the day after I begin my dating sabbatical, I get invited on a pseudo-date. Satan works fast.
> 
> Sigh.


 
Happened to me also.  Turned them down. It's actually a huge relief to take this break.  I was hesitant  at first as I'm in my mid 30's, but I got over it.  Now I'm happy for the freedom and break.


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## explosiva9

So why is my mom declaring I'll be married by  the end of 2013!!!!! :-/


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## loolalooh

explosiva9 said:


> So why is my mom declaring I'll be married by  the end of 2013!!!!! :-/



Wow!!  She didn't know about your sabbatical, did she?


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## EbonyTresses

I'm right along with you all. No dating in 2013. I actually decided this in late August of this year, but I ended up back with my ex. We moved in together two months ago, and since then it has been a lot of fights, arguments, me moving out and in, and me feeling like I was settling, and doing things that wasn't of my character (weed, cigarettes, and too much alcohol). It was just a mess. We had our good times, but most of the time I was doubting the relationship. I guess sometimes we as women choose to be with Mr. Right Now, instead of Mr. Right. 

Before I got back together with him, God told me not to. Twice. He told me that the little arguments that we had would only grow bigger and more aggresive (which they did) and that I shouldn't be unequally yoked with a nonbeliever (he's a non-practicing muslim). Another major factor is that he cannot provide for me, let alone himself. So many red flags was there. But I liked the feeling of being in love, and being with someone who I felt needed me, and possibly loved me more than he loved himself. Those are two very dangerous qualities because that means that person has nothing to lose..you become their everything. And if you decide to walk away, it can be dangerous.

After a lot of thinking and praying, I finally packed all my things, and moved back home today. I feel so free. I have yet to tell him that it's officially over because I wanted as little drama as possible while I packed up. I plan on telling him by phone in a couple of days. So ladies..it is sooo much better to wait for that man of God, your husband, than to be with someone just because and go through uneccessary drama. It's not worth it. It's a waste of your time and energy.

Single in 2013!! Looking forward to getting to know me better, and doing my Master's will.


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## Maracujá

Found a wonderful blog that some of you probably already know about, some of the posts brought tears to my eyes. I knew about the male equivalent of it, but here's the female version: http://goodwomenproject.com/


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## Belle Du Jour

I'm going to do a self-guided retreat in a couple weeks using this book: 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I feel like I need some answers/clearer direction in this area of my life, but I have some decisions in other areas coming on the horizon in 2013 so I need guidance overall. I know there is no guarantee I'll hear from God directly, but I guess asking is better than not asking.  

"The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love you." Kari Jobe


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## Belle Du Jour

From blog 6 stone jars:

How Finding Love is Like Going to a Garage Sale

 …from a distance it looks like it could be interesting, but up close, it’s just a ton of crap you don’t need.

These are the words from something I found on Pinterest, minus the profanity (though you have to admit, it’s the right choice of word). I laughed, of course, at first because I can totally relate to the garage sale concept of spending a lot of time rummaging through stuff in hopes of finding something interesting, but typically ending up wasting time over stuff you really don’t need.

What makes us laugh even more is the feeling behind this sentiment when it comes to dating. Who can’t relate to having the feeling of “I don’t need this in my life” or “Why should I put up with this crap?”

Funny thing about garages sales, though. Every once in awhile, you come across a real treasure among that rubble. Something the owner decided was no value to them, but you’ve been searching for a long time. And the more garage sales you go to, the more likely your chances of finding something very valuable.

We all want a good deal. We all want to discover something really special that no one else has. Many will tell you that finding a good deal and discovering something no one else has means making the effort and exhausting all possibilities to make it happen.

Many feel this way about finding love and getting married; that it takes getting out there to a lot of garage sales and exhausting all your opportunities if it’s going to happen at all.

I completely agree that men and women must make the effort to get out there. But finding a good deal and discovering love is so much more about God’s hand than it is our effort. I’ve said before: love is a mystery. It cannot be determined by us.

Because God is love, finding someone special and falling in love is, in a very mysterious and intangible way, about two people moved by God Himself toward each other, sometimes without even realizing it or understanding why.

We are not items at a garage sale that we notice and say “Ah ha! You are the love of my life. I’ve been looking for you at every garage sale imaginable, and now you’re mine.” It doesn’t work that way.

For many couples, love happens, rather than it is found after searching. When we are hunting for love, very rarely do we find what we’re looking for. The treasures people discover at garage sales are the product of luck, not determination. God allowed them to find it for some unknown reason. Why they found it, rather than someone else, cannot be answered. It certainly cannot be attributed to determination or the will to find it.

It’s like lottery tickets. Some people are so desperate to win that they spend hundreds of dollars on tickets because they believe it increases their chances. Then they find out someone who bought just one ticket for the heck of it wins the lottery, and they’re thrown into angry disbelief.

The expression “lucky in love” is kind of good. Luck is where our efforts meet God’s generosity. You don’t get what God wants to give unless you make some effort. But effort, in this sense, is not determination to achieve. It’s simply a normal pursuit of living life to the fullest as the person we are created to be. God has a way of providing for our every need. That includes getting lucky in love.

Love happens as we live life normally and without trying to force relationships or putting the pressure on ourselves and others to get married. Love happens when we least expect it because we are busy living a healthy, happy, productive life.

Yes, we need to get into environments that make sense to meet quality single men and women so God is able to influence the people who enter into our life. We cannot just sit at home doing nothing, nor can we be loners and anti-social. We have to increase our social skills, if needed, and persevere in motivation and effort to be social.

We cannot decide how God is to work in bring love into our lives. We must be open to however God wants it to happen, and be observant about the people who come along in our everyday life. You just never know when that person will come along.

Whatever your approach, you’re not going to avoid dealing with things you’re rather not deal with. Love between two persons joyfully and willingly deals with the rough spots that can easily be interpreted as crap you don’t need. You might not need it, but the person you love needs you to work with them through it, just as you need them to work with you.


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## explosiva9

loolalooh said:


> Wow!! She didn't know about your sabbatical, did she?


 
I told her but she is dying for me to get married and have babies... lol


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## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> Found a wonderful blog that some of you probably already know about, some of the posts brought tears to my eyes. I knew about the male equivalent of it, but here's the female version: http://goodwomenproject.com/



Thank you!  I'm seeing a lot of good Christian blogs out there that are championing good old family values, chastity, etc.


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## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> From blog 6 stone jars:
> 
> How Finding Love is Like Going to a Garage Sale
> 
> …from a distance it looks like it could be interesting, but up close, it’s just a ton of crap you don’t need.
> 
> These are the words from something I found on Pinterest, minus the profanity (though you have to admit, it’s the right choice of word). I laughed, of course, at first because I can totally relate to the garage sale concept of spending a lot of time rummaging through stuff in hopes of finding something interesting, but typically ending up wasting time over stuff you really don’t need.
> 
> What makes us laugh even more is the feeling behind this sentiment when it comes to dating. Who can’t relate to having the feeling of “I don’t need this in my life” or “Why should I put up with this crap?”
> 
> Funny thing about garages sales, though. Every once in awhile, you come across a real treasure among that rubble. Something the owner decided was no value to them, but you’ve been searching for a long time. And the more garage sales you go to, the more likely your chances of finding something very valuable.
> 
> We all want a good deal. We all want to discover something really special that no one else has. Many will tell you that finding a good deal and discovering something no one else has means making the effort and exhausting all possibilities to make it happen.
> 
> Many feel this way about finding love and getting married; that it takes getting out there to a lot of garage sales and exhausting all your opportunities if it’s going to happen at all.
> 
> *I completely agree that men and women must make the effort to get out there. But finding a good deal and discovering love is so much more about God’s hand than it is our effort. I’ve said before: love is a mystery. It cannot be determined by us.
> *
> Because God is love, finding someone special and falling in love is, in a very mysterious and intangible way, about two people moved by God Himself toward each other, sometimes without even realizing it or understanding why.
> 
> We are not items at a garage sale that we notice and say “Ah ha! You are the love of my life. I’ve been looking for you at every garage sale imaginable, and now you’re mine.” It doesn’t work that way.
> 
> For many couples, love happens, rather than it is found after searching. When we are hunting for love, very rarely do we find what we’re looking for. The treasures people discover at garage sales are the product of luck, not determination. God allowed them to find it for some unknown reason. Why they found it, rather than someone else, cannot be answered. It certainly cannot be attributed to determination or the will to find it.
> 
> It’s like lottery tickets. Some people are so desperate to win that they spend hundreds of dollars on tickets because they believe it increases their chances. Then they find out someone who bought just one ticket for the heck of it wins the lottery, and they’re thrown into angry disbelief.
> 
> The expression “lucky in love” is kind of good. Luck is where our efforts meet God’s generosity. You don’t get what God wants to give unless you make some effort. But effort, in this sense, is not determination to achieve. It’s simply a normal pursuit of living life to the fullest as the person we are created to be. God has a way of providing for our every need. That includes getting lucky in love.
> 
> Love happens as we live life normally and without trying to force relationships or putting the pressure on ourselves and others to get married. Love happens when we least expect it because we are busy living a healthy, happy, productive life.
> 
> Yes, we need to get into environments that make sense to meet quality single men and women so God is able to influence the people who enter into our life. We cannot just sit at home doing nothing, nor can we be loners and anti-social. We have to increase our social skills, if needed, and persevere in motivation and effort to be social.
> 
> We cannot decide how God is to work in bring love into our lives. We must be open to however God wants it to happen, and be observant about the people who come along in our everyday life. You just never know when that person will come along.
> 
> Whatever your approach, you’re not going to avoid dealing with things you’re rather not deal with. Love between two persons joyfully and willingly deals with the rough spots that can easily be interpreted as crap you don’t need. You might not need it, but the person you love needs you to work with them through it, just as you need them to work with you.



The bolded is what I've come to believe now and it has helped me in how I view things.



Belle Du Jour said:


> Thank you!  I'm seeing a lot of good Christian blogs out there that are championing good old family values, chastity, etc.



Yes me too and I love it!


----------



## DreamLife

Hello everyone...I kind of forgot about this thread. So I stopped dating throughout my early 20s... Basically four years to just focus on my career and God and NO ONE new came along, just guys from my past who would be present here and there, and we just would waste each other's time. Thought I was ready to date and have been since September and some things that I thought I had dealt with over those 4 years came back up. I'm like God are you serious? I'm still dealing with this and that? What were those lonely years for? At the end of the day, I feel like I want security even more than love. But I need to realize that I am already secure in Christ alone. It's just kind of hard. Its also hard when literally almost everyone you work with has had the flow of career marriage children so seemingly effortlessly (although you never know one's story) it's just like ugh. Lol. There's my little vent. God is still good regardless, that's what I have to tell myself.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I think Christians need to understand sexuality from God's perspective, which is radically different from what the world teaches.  However, the puritanical view of sex is an extreme in the opposite direction and just as wrong.  I highly recommend reading Theology of the Body or one of the books that breaks it down (I'm reading Christopher West's TOB For Beginners) because it really gives you a clearer understanding of why sex is good but only in the context of marriage.  People really don't understand what they are doing when they sleep with so many different people and it goes beyong STDs, risk of pregnancy, etc.  There is a spiritual dimension to sex and most people are blissfully (no pun intended) unaware of it.


----------



## foxee

Okay ladies, something strange is going on.  Over the past 2 weeks at least 3 friends and a couple folks I don't know well have claimed I am going to meet "the one" in 2013.  One person (who I just met) had the nerve to actually predict the exact week.    It's funny because I'm not even discussing marriage with these people but they're going out of their way to share their thoughts with me.  I'm not trying to read into it too much but it is a funny coincidence.

I was in a relationship a few months ago and it got pretty serious, but after I called it quits I've been kinda nonchalant about the whole dating thing.  It would be nice but I'm certainly not stressed about it.


----------



## Maracujá

A quick reminder to guard your heart: I have a Congolese co-worker with whom I get along great. During my leave of absence earlier this year I went to visit her at her place and she kept telling me about an Angolan man who had been having problems with his wife (with whom he has two children) and was ready to leave her. She said this man was ready to get in another relationship with somebody else as he was tired of the way his wife treats him. My co-worker was pushing this man on me, saying he is a good guy, Christian, makes a good living,...etc. My radar went off, I was like: he's ready to get into another relationship this fast? And she was like: yeah, he doesn't like being alone, he's not used to that anymore. A few weeks after that I was again at my co-worker's place and this Angolan friend was there too, so he was like: I would like to get to know you better,...etc. I was like: aren't you married? He said no I'm single. I was like: . Now the red flag in this case is very adamant, nonetheless if this was back in the days, naive as I was, I would've probably invested emotionally in this guy, like: someone actually is interested in me, yay me. Not now though. Fast forward to today and this Angolan friend of hers is back with his wife, my co-worker told me about it (several times actually) and I just could not care less. The lesson I got from this is twofold: guard your heart from so called friends who are trying to set you up too. This co-worker of mine thinks that any woman without a man must be miserable, that's just not the school of thought I ascribe to. So she tried to set me up with a married man who in her eyes is a good man but certainly not to me. I want a man without children to begin with...


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> A quick reminder to guard your heart: I have a Congolese co-worker with whom I get along great. During my leave of absence earlier this year I went to visit her at her place and she kept telling me about an Angolan man who had been having problems with his wife (with whom he has two children) and was ready to leave her. She said this man was ready to get in another relationship with somebody else as he was tired of the way his wife treats him. My co-worker was pushing this man on me, saying he is a good guy, Christian, makes a good living,...etc. My radar went off, I was like: he's ready to get into another relationship this fast? And she was like: yeah, he doesn't like being alone, he's not used to that anymore. A few weeks after that I was again at my co-worker's place and this Angolan friend was there too, so he was like: I would like to get to know you better,...etc. I was like: aren't you married? He said no I'm single. I was like: . Now the red flag in this case is very adamant, nonetheless if this was back in the days, naive as I was, I would've probably invested emotionally in this guy, like: someone actually is interested in me, yay me. Not now though. Fast forward to today and this Angolan friend of hers is back with his wife, my co-worker told me about it (several times actually) and I just could not care less. The lesson I got from this is twofold: guard your heart from so called friends who are trying to set you up too. This co-worker of mine thinks that any woman without a man must be miserable, that's just not the school of thought I ascribe to. So she tried to set me up with a married man who in her eyes is a good man but certainly not to me. I want a man without children to begin with...



 So she really thought this *married *man was a good catch for you?  SMH.  Guarding your heart is so important because friends and families unwittingly step on your dreams.  Also, saying you're "allowing God to choose" is such a foreign concept for many people.  I just keep my business to myself. Some friends will set you up with quality guys, though.  So it may not be a bad idea to let people know you're ready to be found. 

Now, I was reading something in the Ludy book about involving your family and I agree with that up to a point.  I mean, maybe if you're young (20s or younger) then you need a very traditional courting relationship where the families meet, and the dad approves, etc.  At my age, "ain't nobody got time for alla dat."   I also don't believe in just bringing random dudes home to mom.  Nope, if I bring someone home, she will know it's serious.  Sorry, I went off on a tangent. . .


----------



## loolalooh

My dating sabbatical is going okay, but today I wished I had my _own_ family (i.e., my own hubby and children) to stay with for the Holidays.  Just relax and enjoy the time.

Usually, I go home (i.e., to my parents) during this time, and I actually wouldn't mind it so much if it was just them.  However, one of my sisters is there and she is "drama" right now.  Like serious drama.  To be around her would be bad for my spirit (and I seriously mean that).  

It would be nice to have an alternative for the Holidays.  I really don't want to spend it by myself (or with strangers), but it might have to be that way.  I'll see if she calms down before I head home.


----------



## luthiengirlie

I like, this dating sabbatical idea I'm kind of already shopping it.. I just need to be about abba and me for awhile


----------



## Maracujá

Looks like the world is finally following suit to what's written in the Bible: http://www.essence.com/2012/12/17/5-sex-myths-keep-women-single


----------



## Belle Du Jour

A little inspiration from the Entertainment forum: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=663207

Kellie Williams' (Laura Winslow from Family Matters) engagement-wedding story always stuck with me because she had kind of given up on love and was content to live  single life and God brought her hubby into her life.  Now she has two beautiful children.  Here's a recap of the wedding: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/08/AR2009100804736.html


----------



## Maracujá

Being single and an introvert is not the best combo.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This post from Heather's blog is right on time:

Where is _my _ring?

 I know I'm not the only one who saw a few engagement and baby announcements on FB.


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

Belle Du Jour said:


> This post from Heather's blog is right on time:
> 
> Where is my ring?
> 
> I know I'm not the only one who saw a few engagement and baby announcements on FB.



That is so true! She is pretty.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

pre_medicalrulz said:


> That is so true! She is pretty.



She is pretty!  I think some of her outfits are questionable though IMO (ie too short/tight/revealing ) 

I also disagree with her advice on wearing a ring on your ring finger to symbolize that you belong to God.  That might actually detract a potential suitor.  What decent man would approach a woman wearing a ring on her wedding finger?  Also, I disagree with her stance on online dating.  You can be "found" online.  Just because you are online doesn't mean you are doing the seeking.  However, I generally think her advice is good.


----------



## LoveisYou

Now that I know better and deeply understand the importance of purity and waiting for marriage
I've been struggling with a lot of guilt about past relationships
I feel like I failed myself and God


----------



## LoveisYou

Maracuja, thanks so much for posting that blog


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Belle Du Jour said:


> I know I'm not the only one who saw a few engagement and baby announcements on FB.



Actually, someone I know who was perpetually single started dating a guy 1 to 1.5 years ago and they got engaged.  She's an older woman and I was really happy for her.  Stories like that remind me to stay my butt right on in line for my blessing 

Don't underestimate the power of other people's joys and success (especially if they are walking by faith)!  It inspires me to trust God more and more.   I regularly read Christian courtship stories


----------



## loolalooh

^^^Same here.  One of my older friends who has been single for AGES just texted me about her wedding in 2013.  I was SOOO happy for her because I remember her almost giving up and never really dating anymore.  She's 34 going on 35.


----------



## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> This post from Heather's blog is right on time:
> 
> Where is _my _ring?
> 
> I know I'm not the only one who saw a few engagement and baby announcements on FB.



Thanks for posting!  I came across her new post yesterday, and just did a quick skim.  I'll try to read it fully today.  I usually like her posts but have been shying away from reminders of being "single" ... but this should be worth a read.  Lol.


----------



## Maracujá

^^^It's worth the read loolalooh, I wrote this part down: Marriage is ministry and if you were lazy with your walk with God while single when you get married, you'll get smacked in the face by the EFFORT that it takes to make a marriage GOOD & last.


----------



## loolalooh

Maracujá said:


> ^^^It's worth the read loolalooh, I wrote this part down: *Marriage is ministry and if you were lazy with your walk with God while single when you get married, you'll get smacked in the face by the EFFORT that it takes to make a marriage GOOD & last.*



Oh, wow!  That's pretty heavy.  Thanks, Maracujá!  I'll get to reading.


----------



## cyrealla

i love the lindseys but i find it unnecessary for her to be selling lipsticks, bracelets, rings etc and her husband writing a book when they've barely been married two years, it seems to me they are starting to exploit their followers with all these products.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

cyrealla said:


> i love the lindseys but i find it unnecessary for her to be selling lipsticks, bracelets, rings etc and her husband writing a book when they've barely been married two years, it seems to me they are starting to exploit their followers with all these products.



I think you have a good point.  They are also starting a church however, I'm not sure either of them have gone to divinity/ministry school (at least, I haven't read this in their bios).  I don't intend to buy anything from them but I do enjoy the posts on her blog.   I do get that "prosperity vibe" from them although they haven't explicitely said that. 

Also, the length of time that they married is not necessarily off-putting because I think they are more talking about how to get married in the will of God and the single Christian market is sorely lacking in this area.  This seems to have crossed over even into the Catholic setting.  I'm just glad Christians are addressing that our experiment with worldly dating practices has left a generation of women and men single and if we don't do something about it, future generations are at risk!

Every Sunday, they pray for people to come to the priesthood but hello, we need to pray for marriage FIRST and for people to have babies in the first place and grow them up in the way they should go.  No babies=no future parishioners=no future priests.  Sorry, I went off on a tangent.


----------



## LoveisYou

Belle Du Jour said:


> I think you have a good point.  They are also starting a church however, I'm not sure either of them have gone to divinity/ministry school (at least, I haven't read this in their bios).  I don't intend to buy anything from them but I do enjoy the posts on her blog.   I do get that "prosperity vibe" from them although they haven't explicitely said that.
> 
> *Also, the length of time that they married is not necessarily off-putting because I think they are more talking about how to get married in the will of God and the single Christian market is sorely lacking in this area.  This seems to have crossed over even into the Catholic setting.  I'm just glad Christians are addressing that our experiment with worldly dating practices has left a generation of women and men single and if we don't do something about it, future generations are at risk!*
> 
> Every Sunday, they pray for people to come to the priesthood but hello, we need to pray for marriage FIRST and for people to have babies in the first place and grow them up in the way they should go.  No babies=no future parishioners=no future priests.  Sorry, I went off on a tangent.




This is why I love their message. Before Heather Lindsey most of the purity messages I came across were from women who waited for marriage. While that's beautiful, I couldn't relate to them, because I did not wait. Stories about women who did not wait weren't being fully told, because a lot of Christian women are still made to feel ashamed about any hint of a sexual past before marriage.
Then Heather shared her testimony and it resonated. I related, I too was that young woman looking for love in the wrong places, defining my value, worth and attractiveness by the attention I got from men and from my relationships. It was a false sense of love, and I came up empty. Heather spoke about that and I understood.  More importantly, she spoke about her repentance and about redemption, about how Jesus redeemed her from sin, about her freedom in Christ, freedom from the shame and guilt of her past.  Finally someone was telling my story and the stories of other women who silenced themselves out of shame. It's a testimony about restoration and redemption, about not staying down when you fall down.
So many people can and do benefit from her testimonies.

I don't think the Lindseys are perfect. I take what's for me and refuse what's not for me when I listen to their messages. I like that Cornelius challenges men to be men, to be men who are at Jesus' feet.


----------



## Haddasah

2 friends of mine got engaged this week, the guy who I thought was interested in me hasn't spoke with me in 2 weeks...trying to be content and not compare myself to all the other women I know who got engaged and/or married this year...off to spend time to God


----------



## auparavant

^^^Be glad he's not stringing you along for something.  Write him off right now. He just made the way for the real love of your life.  Sometimes, we learn something from others ...no meetings are chance.


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

I'm praying for an engagement next year. No man yet but I'm still praying for an engagement.


----------



## Maracujá

Happy New Year ladies!!! It's a year filled with possibilities, I didn't spend it in Paris like I wanted to but ended up going to church with my mom like I've done for the past three years. It was very nice, I truly enjoyed myself and still plan to go to Paris for the low low price of €25 for the ticket . I stumbled upon this blog post that I just had to share because I know alot of us ladies make lists of what we want in a mate, sometimes we hang on to it so much that we truly miss what's in front of us: 

http://goodwomenproject.com/ama/future-husband-requirements


----------



## VelvetRain

cyrealla said:


> i love the lindseys but i find it unnecessary for her to be selling lipsticks, bracelets, rings etc and her husband writing a book when they've barely been married two years, it seems to me they are starting to exploit their followers with all these products.


 
I don't understand this post. Why not just be happy for folks ventures. I swear folks always think someone has some ulterior motive for something. Just be happy for people.Who really cares if she only has been married for two years? How is that taking away from her overall message? And some of you ladies wonder why you are still single? Mentality is all wrong. If you don't like her just don't support her. Problem solved.


----------



## nubiennze

VelvetRain said:


> I don't understand this post. Why not just be happy for folks ventures. I swear folks always think someone has some ulterior motive for something. Just be happy for people.Who really cares if she only has been married for two years? How is that taking away from her overall message? *And some of you ladies wonder why you are still single?* Mentality is all wrong. If you don't like her just don't support her. Problem solved.





One of the things I've always appreciated about this thread is that it provides a place of genuine support for single women and a welcome respite from many women's tendency to exert superiority over the unmarried/childless. I personally would like for it to remain that way.

If it must persist, I'd prefer that the "That's why you can't get a man" rhetoric remain in the many other places on the forum where diminishing women's worth/value/desirability based on the fact that they aren't (yet) married is commonplace. Let's not turn this thread into one of them.


----------



## Highly Favored8

VelvetRain said:


> I don't understand this post. Why not just be happy for folks ventures. I swear folks always think someone has some ulterior motive for something. Just be happy for people.Who really cares if she only has been married for two years? How is that taking away from her overall message? And some of you ladies wonder why you are still single? Mentality is all wrong. If you don't like her just don't support her. Problem solved.



Thanks was not enough. Heather and Cornelius Lindsey I love their message and do not get a prosperity vibe from them not at all.


----------



## Reminiscing

VelvetRain said:


> I don't understand this post. Why not just be happy for folks ventures. I swear folks always think someone has some ulterior motive for something. Just be happy for people.Who really cares if she only has been married for two years? How is that taking away from her overall message? *And some of you ladies wonder why you are still single? *Mentality is all wrong. If you don't like her just don't support her. Problem solved.



I agree with nubiennze. VelvetRain everyone has a right to their own opinion and I'm glad you did state your opinion.  However, the bolded statement was not an opinion it was an attack.  I don't know if this was your intention or not but it came off very self-righteous and demeaning.

Ladies, let's all be careful with the words we choose.  It is 100% ok for us to disagree with each other, but it is not ok for us to attack each other in the process. Be blessed!


----------



## loolalooh

Today is one of those (difficult) days, but it will pass.  Better in God's time than in my time.  Better in God's will and under His protection than of my own wish.

Wishing us all fruitful new year!!


----------



## VelvetRain

Some of you really do need to get your head out the clouds and self reflect. I stand by what I said because it clearly needed to be said. In my experience why be upset if what I say doesn't apply to you?


----------



## BrandNew

I hope this thread doesn't take a sour turn 

Anyway, I promised myself that this year I won't mention dating/marriage too much to those around me.


----------



## LoveisYou

Remember your worth comes from God. He already said you are valuable and worthy. There's no need to try and prove that to anyone. You are who God says you are.


----------



## VelvetRain

Aw lord. I see I done ruffled some feathers. I swear I refuse to sugarcoat anything for anyone. I call it as I see it. I just find it rather interesting for a christian womens thread that a few of you who call yourself christians were not being supportive of another christian womens venture but were questioning her level of genuiness. I know Heather personally so this naturally struck a chord with me. Hmm doesn't seem christ like to me.


----------



## cyrealla

Well I stand by what I said also.. I like their ministry and can understand the idea of books, but selling lipsticks, rings and bracelets is imo not needed, their message is powerful enough without the extra money making gimmicks which looks to me like they are trying to make a profit out  of their growing following.


oh, and I'm sure ur single too so erm yeh


----------



## LoveisYou

While I love Lindseys and didn't agree with some of the posters, I didn't and still don't see the point in attempting to shame women for being single. Our worth isn't tied to our marital status, we are valuable single or married so i didn't get it. Why is someone's marital status even being used as a weapon against them? 

Further no one is above reproach. I didn't see attacking the Lindseys, ppl merely questioned certain tactics, it's o.k. to ask questions.  I question messages, sermons, pastors, posters lol....God gave us a brain and mind to use. None of us will ever be above reproach.


----------



## loolalooh

VelvetRain said:


> I don't understand this post. Why not just be happy for folks ventures. I swear folks always think someone has some ulterior motive for something. Just be happy for people.Who really cares if she only has been married for two years? How is that taking away from her overall message? *And some of you ladies wonder why you are still single? Mentality is all wrong.* If you don't like her just don't support her. Problem solved.



VelvetRain:
The bolded is what is ruffling some feathers (not mine though).  The meaning behind the bolded may have been sincere and caused some of us to reflect but the way in which it was presented was blunt.  Let us keep Proverbs 15:1 in mind: _*"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."*_ The bolded could've been said more gently or not at all, depending on whether you wanted others to reflect or whether you were operating from a place of defensiveness/attack, respectively.  Note how others responded softly to cyrealla's comment.



VelvetRain said:


> Aw lord. I see I done ruffled some feathers. I swear I refuse to sugarcoat anything for anyone. I call it as I see it. I just find it rather interesting for a christian womens thread that a few of you who call yourself christians were not being supportive of another christian womens venture but were questioning her level of genuiness. I know Heather personally so this naturally struck a chord with me. Hmm doesn't seem christ like to me.



Providing a "gentle" response is not the same as "sugarcoating". I actually appreciate your viewpoints in this thread, but the way in which they are dressed could be gentler.  Given that you know Heather personally, I now see why you are defending her ministry passionately.  That is fine, but it can be done without harsh words.



cyrealla said:


> Well I stand by what I said also.. I like their ministry and can understand the idea of books, but selling lipsticks, rings and bracelets is imo not needed, their message is powerful enough without the extra money making gimmicks which looks to me like they are trying to make a profit out  of their growing following.
> 
> 
> *oh, and I'm sure ur single too so erm yeh *



cyrealla:
And let us please keep in mind Matthew 5:39 and turn the other cheek.  It does not help to respond harsh with harsh.

That all being said, I am just pointing out how we can respond differently.  I am not holier than thou and certainly have my own things to work out.  But we should all do our best to keep in mind the teachings of Christ in order to become more Christlike ... in order to represent Christianity.  

I love you, ladies.  Now, let's get back to supporting each other in this thread.


----------



## loolalooh

VelvetRain said:


> Really you don't need to preach to me. Like I said previously it was pretty amusing behavior for women who are calling themselves christians. It's way to early to be debating back and forth. I have said how I felt and personally don't see the point of explaining myself several times over to a bunch of hypocrities who say they are one thing but obviously behave otherwise. I'm kinda over it now lol.



So when you address cyrealla's comment in the manner that you did, it is fine, but when the rest of us address your comment, it is considered preaching?  I see all of our words are lost on you.  So unfortunate.  It is apparent that you mean nothing but to cause strife.


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

Sigh...and to think that I finally found a quiet, drama free thread that I can hide in when the other threads are going postal. Sigh..  off to find another hide-out. Until then....headed back to the hair forum.


----------



## LoveisYou

I wonder how Heather Lindsey would feel about this exchange, it's all so contrary to who she seems to be and what she teaches.....oh the irony.


----------



## VelvetRain

Strife? so it's okay for one lonely bitter person here who wishes she was in Heathers position to degrade her like that? That's not cool. Heather has what all of you are desiring to have which is why this thread even exisists. Can't stand for someone to be happy and have something. Just be miserable but don't hate on her. Hating on someone is the equivlaent of being a psycho


----------



## loolalooh

pre_medicalrulz said:


> Sigh...and to think that I finally found a quiet, drama free thread that I can hide in when the other threads are going postal. Sigh..  off to find another hide-out. Until then....headed back to the hair forum.



pre_medicalrulz: I understand your hiding out, but don't go for too long.  I have a feeling this drama will die soon enough.  I too want to get back to our regular posting.  Sorry that we are experiencing this at the moment.


----------



## nubiennze

Thankful for the spirit of the Lord showing up in you ladies--I was working on and praying for a suitable, edifying response, but you all have already covered all the bases. 

Just blesses me to see so many lights shining in one place. His work in and through you certainly isn't going unnoticed.


----------



## loolalooh

Another testimony of an engaged friend:

This could be several pages long, but I'll spare the details and get down to the essentials.  Years ago, my friend didn't think that God would grant her marriage with her boyfriend.  Man stood in the way.  Distance stood in the way.  Challenges of different forms and shapes stood in the way.  At one point, she ended the relationship because she lost faith in its future.  I and her sisters had to sit her down and told her to fight for her future union.  To not give up but to believe God for it.  We (her sisters and I) knew that this man was to BE her future husband.  My friend knew it initially but allowed doubt in the form of man, distance, and challenges to deteriorate her faith.  But she held onto to a little faith though it was just as small as a mustard seed.  She continued to pray and so did I for her.  Long story short, those obstacles melted away and her boyfriend proposed to her yesterday.  I am so happy for her and said "I told you to believe".   

I carried the following Scripture when I thought of my friend and her boyfriend during their time of struggle:

*MATTHEW 19:6*


> *What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.*



Though it is referring to a union already made before God, I believe it can also apply to any future unions that God has ordained.  No man or obstacle could prevent her from her future union with her future hubby.  I believe that the same applies to anyone else in a similar situation in which our Lord has ordained for a future union.  You have to believe though.  You have to believe.


----------



## pebbles

*The reported posts in this thread have been deleted. If there's more, let me know as I don't have the time to read through this thread to find what started the drama. 

Ladies, please keep in mind that this is the Christian forum, and you need to make every attempt to conduct yourselves in a more civil manner than what goes on in other forums. Think twice before posting, because there are certain behaviors/tone that will not be tolerated here. Please, review the forum rules before posting, as you will be held responsible for what you post! Any questions, please feel free to pm me.*


----------



## Laela

Stay encouraged.. and focused. Life itself is drama, so you can't escape that, even in a Christian forum. 

Just wanted to tell you God is faithful and will NEVER give up on any one of us. This Forum and this thread has the presence of God and always will... so you're in the right place.  stay prayerful and hopeful in all that you do, because El-Eyon...... Almighty God ... has you in the palm of His hand and He will give you the desire of your heart... His Joy is buried so deep in your heart, no man has the power to diminish it! Isn't that great to know? God bless.... Amein~


Prov. 18:10 
_The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe._




pre_medicalrulz said:


> Sigh...and to think that I finally found a quiet, drama free thread that I can hide in when the other threads are going postal. Sigh.. *off to find another hide-out*. Until then....headed back to the hair forum.


----------



## aribell

At one point in time we had a marriage prayer circle.  I wrote the leader a while back because it tapered off, but I didn't get a response.  If there's interest, we could resurrect that group again (I'd create another Ning site.)

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=327803&highlight=marriage+prayer+circle

The Lord is doing something through prayer with respect to marriage.  I've only shared this with my sister, but I've prayed for 4+ different people over the past couple of years, some of whom had expressed frustrations with even finding a date at all and by all of the prayers combined (theirs, their friends, loved ones, etc.) all are engaged and/or married now.

It can be easy to focus on what we feel we want/need, but there's blessing in letting that go and focusing on what others need and then letting them be concerned about you.  We can all have one another's backs.


----------



## loolalooh

nicola.kirwan said:


> At one point in time we had a marriage prayer circle.  I wrote the leader a while back because it tapered off, but I didn't get a response.  If there's interest, we could resurrect that group again (I'd create another Ning site.)
> 
> http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=327803&highlight=marriage+prayer+circle
> 
> The Lord is doing something through prayer with respect to marriage.  I've only shared this with my sister, but I've prayed for 4+ different people over the past couple of years, some of whom had expressed frustrations with even finding a date at all and by all of the prayers combined (theirs, their friends, loved ones, etc.) all are engaged and/or married now.
> 
> It can be easy to focus on what we feel we want/need, but there's blessing in letting that go and focusing on what others need and then letting them be concerned about you.  We can all have one another's backs.



nicola.kirwan:

This is a great idea!   Yes, the Lord really is doing something through prayer with respect to marriage.  Count me in!  I'd be more interested in praying for others.


----------



## LoveisYou

Count me in too!


----------



## aribell

Great ladies, looking forward to it.    More to come in the next day or two.

GoddessMaker  I saw your posts about starting a prayer line.  Do you want to make that a part of our prayer circle?  Maybe a monthly call?


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

nicola.kirwan Yes I still want to do the prayer line. I think it needs to be done more than monthly but that's just me. I could go into wise but this thread isn't the thread for real rawness that I have. 

Also I really want folks to chill in here. I know this topic is a sensitive matter. We have some who have a man some who don't. It's all cool honestly. Attacking or being overly sensitive isn't going to help. Sometimes the truth hurts like raw. Jesus didn't sugarcoat nor was he always gentle about what is the truth just saying. I have been real scared to really go in this thread because I'm raw as they come. I don't hide about mines. 

I will do some research now though on the prayer line and update. Maybe we can kick off in Feb since it's that devil day I mean V-Day lol.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

From The Veil blog



> Today’s topic is Myth #3: Something Is Wrong With Me
> 
> *Blessed Repeated Rejection*
> 
> This myth will be the most rewarding one for me to bust because it is the myth that tormented me the most as a single girl.  Because I was single for so long, I naturally came to believe that something was wrong with me.  I mean, what was with all the repeated rejection?  I could only find one common denominator in all those failed relationships: me.
> 
> I will share with you a detail about my life to prove to you that I understand rejection.  I wrote about this in my book and provided the substantiating details, but I will give you the overarching trend that I experienced in my dating life.  Are you ready?  Every. Single. Guy. that I dated went on to marry the very next girl he dated after me.  Oh, talk about a Divine sense of humor!  Each guy, no matter their age or the length of our relationship, was ready to marry but just not ‘inspired’ to marry me.  Talk about an ego buster!
> 
> “…Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.…” Psalm 37:7
> 
> I also felt very confused by what I was observing all around me.  I knew that I was not perfect but I wondered why everyone else (and their imperfect and often unchaste selves) seemed to get married.  Why not me?  What was wrong with me?
> 
> Well, I now have the benefit of hindsight and I am here to tell you that there was nothing wrong with me.  I also want to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you.
> 
> *Imperfect*
> 
> All that rejection led me to imagined that every other girl was prettier, thinner, more interesting, more athletic, more fun, more ‘you name it’ than me.  This belief caused me to doubt myself.  These thoughts and observations led me to believe that in order to be loved and cherished, I could not have any glaring faults.  So, I focused on the things that I felt I could control and change in the hopes of capturing and keeping my guy’s attention.
> 
> This feeling of inadequacy also made me feel afraid of marriage. I seriously could not imagine living with someone 24/7.  I may have been able to hide my glaring faults before marriage but what would happen once my husband began to see the whole package?
> 
> In a way, this fear was actually a gift. It kept me from taking significant stupid risks and kept me committed to Chastity. Sex is supposed to be revealing and no, I was not ready to be revealed. Certainly not without the covenant of marriage.
> 
> Now, I am not saying that I did not have plenty of room for improvement.  I had plenty of ‘issues’ that needed healing and some are still with me today.  But those issues were not the ones that I focused on and tried to change.  Thankfully, my good Lord sustained me through it all and covertly healed me in ways that I can only now see through hindsight.
> 
> *The Veil*
> 
> As you may know, I have this concept called The Veil which is the idea that God places a protective veil over all of us and the purpose of the veil is to hide us from every possible suitor except the one that God intends for us to marry. I call the person God wants us to marry our ‘holy spouse.’  This protective veil makes us ‘unclear’, similar to looking through a Mylar plastic sheet, to those suitors who are not our holy spouse. These suitors may be attracted to us but they hesitate to pursue us fully because they can’t fully see us; we are hidden by the veil.  This may feel like rejection but it is really God’s protection.
> 
> If you struggle with the same beliefs, rejection and fears I described above, I understand.  However, once I met Gregg and realized that there was nothing wrong with me, I had to laugh at myself for thinking that there was.  Well, yes there were things that were wrong with me but none of them kept Gregg from falling in love with me and marrying me.  And it will be the same with your Holy Spouse too.
> 
> It is funny because I thought the problem was that these other guys, the ones that rejected me, could see me and did not like what they saw.  However, now I believe that a more realistic explanation is that they could not see me.  I was covered by the protective Veil.  The rejection was good because it was a signal to me that those guys were not who God intended for me.
> 
> With Gregg, however, he does see me and he loves what he sees. I cannot explain this other than the idea that God lifted the protective veil. And, once God lifts the veil, our holy spouse sees us through the eyes of Love in all our beauty and virtue filled with grace and trust.  Gregg loves me despite all my faults and the only explanation is a supernatural one. I believe the Superabundance, which results from our chaste marriage, significantly diminishes my faults and almost makes them invisible to Gregg, my Holy Spouse. I also believe that Superabundance somehow then magnifies, for him, my good traits.
> 
> Side note:   The movie When Harry Met Sally has a scene in it where Sally finds out that her former boyfriend, Joe, is getting married to his “transitional person”, Kimberly. In the scene below, Sally says, “Why didn’t he want to marry me??  What is wrong with me??”  She concludes, “I’m difficult!”  Harry responds “You’re challenging.”  Sally protests “No, no, no, I’m too structured. I’m completely closed off!!”   Harry responds, “But in a good way.”
> 
> I am not a fan of Harry in this movie (and do not condone the pre-marital sex) but his response is a humorous example of how the one that loves you can see your faults in a positive light.  Here is the clip from the movie:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnierMA90D4&feature=player_embedded
> 
> *Sacramental Life*
> 
> I cannot express enough the importance of living a Sacramental life for combating this myth. Without the grace from the Sacraments, the myth that there is something wrong with you will grow and fester like mold in a damp basement. The time when I was away from my Catholic faith and not living a Sacramental life was when this myth was strongest and most difficult to overcome.
> 
> May I recommend that you tell God you are feeling impatient so that He can send His angels to comfort you?  Share with God your feelings of inadequacy.  He wants to heal you and the main avenue for healing is His grace, His very own Divine Life, which is imparted through the Sacraments.  Spend time with Him in Eucharistic Adoration and pour your heart out to Him.  Know that the deep yearning you have can only be satisfied by God. Cling to Him.
> 
> Most of all, commit to Chastity and ask God to strengthen you with His grace.  Unchaste behavior will magnify any feelings you have of self-hatred and will result in shame.  Then, the enemy will taunt you and you will really believe something is wrong with you.  Worst of all, it will separate you from our Holy God and lead you to despair.
> 
> The ‘one’ that God has for you will love you despite your faults. There is nothing wrong with you that will keep him from marrying you. Trust and wait. I know it is hard.
> 
> You are in my prayers. God love and bless you.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I'm also interested in the prayer line


----------



## nubiennze

Belle Du Jour said:


> I knew that I was not perfect but *I wondered why everyone else (and their imperfect and often unchaste selves) seemed to get married.* Why not me? What was wrong with me?





Belle Du Jour said:


> All that rejection led me to imagined that every other girl was prettier, thinner, more interesting, more athletic, more fun, more ‘you name it’ than me. This belief caused me to doubt myself. These thoughts and observations led me to believe that in order to be loved and cherished, I could not have any glaring faults. So, I focused on the things that I felt I could control and change in the hopes of capturing and keeping my guy’s attention.
> 
> This feeling of inadequacy also made me feel afraid of marriage. I seriously could not imagine living with someone 24/7. I may have been able to hide my glaring faults before marriage but what would happen once my husband began to see the whole package?



 This mentality, especially the bolded, can very easily tend toward a "What's the point?" attitude--and, if left unchecked, even resentment toward God for seemingly favoring every other (married) woman.  Unwavering faith that He knows, has, and wants what's best for us is _so_ essential. This just reminded me that despite my own inadequacy complexes and "daddy issues," I have a Heavenly Father who thinks I'm tremendously special and is taking His time to craft a special gift just for me. 

I recently had a resurrected suitor--a "one that got away" type about whom I always felt some slight remorse--tell me straight up that he felt he didn't measure up spiritually and that he had to "step his game up" in order to be involved with me. There's certainly something to be said for God obstructing the view of every man except the one He intends for us. What a loving, loving God. 

This is definitely something I'm still working on, so this was encouraging.

*ETA:* I was just reminded that around the time things collapsed with the aforementioned suitor, I asked the Lord to hide me so that no one but the one He has for me would even see me. Shortly after that, I started a new job and suddenly encountered an onslaught of men with obvious sexual interest. I felt horribly exposed and vulnerable and wondered what I was doing to bring on the sort of attention I hadn't consistently gotten since I was younger, thinner, and...worldlier.  Even worse, it not only seemed that my prayer wasn't being answered, but also that I'd been thrown out to the wolves despite it. It was an unsettling feeling. 

I'm only now realizing that seeing me with the natural eye is _not_ synonymous with "seeing" me spiritually (especially considering those unequipped with spiritual "eyesight"). I'm still not sure why so many men suddenly took interest in me; I do know that, if nothing else, it should quell the assertion that I'm undesirable/un-marriageable because I'm too fat/too ugly/too tall/too dark-skinned/too nappy/too bald-headed/too any other superficial attribute about which I had become self-conscious in my enduring singleness. More importantly, though, I now know that the superficial was all they were _able_ to see.

I'm no longer internalizing that my body is all I have of value to a man. The counterfeits can't see the rest of me because _it isn't for them_. It's not--_I'm_ not--available for them to mishandle and use up. I don't even think I've been asked for my number since that prayer, and all the men with whom I've had extended contact by default (one of whom I actually liked ) suddenly stopped talking to me shortly before I left their presence. The Holy Spirit in me immediately discerned it for what it was, but that nagging little whisper still had me wondering, "What is it about _me_? Did he ever even like me?"

Whether they did or didn't, the Lord shutting them down before anything could leave the ground reassures me that whatever it would've been wouldn't have been any good (Psalm 84:11). It all comes back around to trust. Despite my lack of faith, He's yet revealing Himself and His work to me, and I'm so thankful for the God that He is.

(Sorry this is so long ladies...just sharing my little testimony/revelation in hopes that it speaks to someone...)


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Singles ministry authors Eric and Leslie Ludy are adopting twins from Haiti!  IIRC, they have 2 children of their own and 2 other adopted kids (1 from China).  May God continue to bless them. 

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.538593222819170.132389.202897573055405&type=1


----------



## stephluv

nubiennze said:


> This mentality, especially the bolded, can very easily tend toward a "What's the point?" attitude--and, if left unchecked, even resentment toward God for seemingly favoring every other (married) woman. This just reminded me that despite my own inadequacy complexes and "daddy issues," *I have a Heavenly Father who thinks I'm tremendously special and is taking His time to craft a special gift just for me. *


 
I'm getting much better at telling myself this as I have been known to say i'm the ultimate match maker for guys...date me and you'll probably marry your next gf 



Belle Du Jour said:


> Singles ministry authors Eric and Leslie Ludy are *adopting twins from Haiti*! IIRC, they have 2 children of their own and 2 other adopted kids (1 from China). May God continue to bless them.



Aww as fellow Haitian this brought a smile to my face this grand Monday morning


----------



## Maracujá

I've already watched this video five times or so, I've even taken notes. I really like his advice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D09CTAcReDA&list=FLCGCiWdoub0g88w2Q7C_0eQ&index=2


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

Maracujá said:


> I've already watched this video five times or so, I've even taken notes. I really like his advice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D09CTAcReDA&list=FLCGCiWdoub0g88w2Q7C_0eQ&index=2



Wow. This actually made me pick up the phone & call my ex who has been trying to reconcile w/ me for the past 4 months. LOL


----------



## Haddasah

So Im scared and nervous and I just don't know. I never had a guy pursue like THIS before! I want run in the other direction...Just when I thought that he was out of the picture come to find out different.


----------



## Maracujá

Haddasah said:


> So Im scared and nervous and I just don't know.* I never had a guy pursue like THIS before!* I want run in the other direction...Just when I thought that he was out of the picture come to find out different.



This is so awesome! Don't run in the other direction out of fear, feel it, acknowledge it and run towards him!


----------



## luthiengirlie

I'm just.in that state of contentment... There is someone amazing out there just for ME so I'm waiting growing and healing


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## nubiennze

luthiengirlie said:


> I'm just.in that state of contentment... There is someone amazing out there just for ME so I'm waiting growing and healing



I wish I could thank this three times, lol. I was just thinking last night about how much stronger and more secure I've been feeling about waiting lately. How I've been resting in my "specialness" (that is, becoming thankful for His sanctification rather than resentful due to perceived rejection from the world and those who adhere to its standards).

You testifying to the same feeling make me praise Him all the more for His peace.


----------



## Renewed1

^^^^Yes and yes and more yes! I'm ok with being single until it's my time to be married. I don't cry or lose sleep over it.

Actually my promise to myself was to live all the more! Do more work for the Lord.  Just live!


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## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> I've already watched this video five times or so, I've even taken notes. I really like his advice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D09CTAcReDA&list=FLCGCiWdoub0g88w2Q7C_0eQ&index=2



That was food for thought and I'm going to have to watch it again and think about it.  I've been watching to entire Voice of Hope series on CBN and it's quite good.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I feel like there is certain knowledge and healing that can only come from being in a relationship.  Some lessons can't be learn on your own.  Thoughts?


----------



## aribell

Hey ladies!  Got the group up and running.  The link is here:  http://www.longhaircareforum.com/group.php?groupid=449

There's a question on there about how people would prefer to do things.  Please share your thoughts.


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> I feel like there is certain knowledge and healing that can only come from being in a relationship.  Some lessons can't be learn on your own.  Thoughts?



I agree, I was talking about this to my sister the other day. Someone said that a relationship is like a mirror for you, it also magnifies your flaws and what is good about you.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

A couple of Cherie Hill's books were free on Kindle yesterday but it looks like only this one is still available: http://www.amazon.com/empty-Living-...F8&qid=1357922256&sr=1-1&keywords=cherie+hill

Hew book Waiting on God is a MUST READ and it only costs 0.99 on Kindle.  These books are especially relevant for us singles


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> I agree, I was talking about this to my sister the other day. Someone said that a relationship is like a mirror for you, it also magnifies your flaws and what is good about you.



That's what I think.  Like, I tend to focus on my physical flaws and what I can do to fix them.  But, I wonder sometimes: am I selfish?  Would I be annoyed if a guy asked me to do something?  Do I really know how to submit?  Do I really get the concept that marriage is servanthood and the total gift of self?  I feel like I won't know the answer to these questions until I am in a serious relationship.    I do try to check myself for ways that I'm not giving or not showing those fruits of the spirit with friends, family and acquaintances.


----------



## nubiennze

I've learned--and am learning--that chemistry is not so elusive a thing that we have to settle for the first person with whom we have it.

I don't know whether this has meaning for anyone else, but it was a thought I was compelled to share.


----------



## LoveisYou

great testimony

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIjOubUyzZw


----------



## Belle Du Jour

God is so faithful and true!  Earlier this summer when I was doing a lot of reflecting on being single, I came across this video by praise and worship leader/musician Jackie Francois: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myIfGdNt1AY


Little did I know that while I was being encouraged by her video on singleness, God was writing her love story.  Read about how she and her betrothed met:
http://bobbyandjackie.com/about_us

I had to break down and praise God for his awesome faithfulness.  I'm so grateful to see Him move in the lives of other people because I know He can and will do the same for me.  Blessed be His holy name.


----------



## auparavant

@Belle Du Jour.  

I had a revelation just yesterday about what it was I wanted most in a mate.  Right there in front of me.  It was so very obvious, I felt stupid lol.  I was faltering, shifting, rethinking...trying to make that prayer/letter...but there it was, plain as day.  Now I know more specifically what I refuse to compromise on and I'm sticking with that.  It even makes more sense to my upbringing.  Anyhoo, it never pays to settle.  I'm going to stick with that decision and ride on those desires until fruition.  G-d did it once, He can do it again. And I'm going to start saying a prayer more often for my future spouse, like some of you here have suggested.  That's a very good idea.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

auparavant said:


> @Belle Du Jour.
> 
> I had a revelation just yesterday about what it was I wanted most in a mate.  Right there in front of me.  It was so very obvious, I felt stupid lol.  I was faltering, shifting, rethinking...trying to make that prayer/letter...but there it was, plain as day.  Now I know more specifically what I refuse to compromise on and I'm sticking with that.  It even makes more sense to my upbringing.  Anyhoo, it never pays to settle.  I'm going to stick with that decision and ride on those desires until fruition.  G-d did it once, He can do it again. *And I'm going to start saying a prayer more often for my future spouse, like some of you here have suggested.  That's a very good idea.*



Awesome auparavant! Why put limits on what God can do?  He can give you your deepest desires.  He's the God of the universe! I've been doing a 54-day novena since Jan 1.  I also keep a prayer journal specifically about this issue.  There's also a very good book called Praying for your Future Spouse that gives great suggestions for how to pray for him.  After going out last night, I realize that prayer is my strongest weapon.


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

Belle Du Jour said:


> I feel like there is certain knowledge and healing that can only come from being in a relationship.  Some lessons can't be learn on your own.  Thoughts?



I agree that it is a mirror of who we are. The flaws we know and don't know are put on display and our spouses call us on them and we are forced to change. 

However I believe many times we buy into this lie that only marriage can sanctify us. Marriage sanctifies us in a different way but not a better way. The things we change/learn in marriage we would have learned and changed thru other experiences because God wants us to look like his son no matter what. 

In the end it is all a sanctification process, married or single, and the end result is the same-We look like Christ and God is glorified through us. The healing comes as we endure the process and persevere . Like Romans 5:3-5 says about persevering is to produce character and character produces hope. We have to endure to change so whether we endure in a marriage or endure in our singleness we must persevere and have a heart for wanting to change and look like Christ.


----------



## Vonnieluvs08

So I've been out the loop for a while. But I have been reading the weekly emails I get. I'm just not posting much in general.

I'm still single which is by God's choosing and I'm learning to be ok with that. Some days are better than others. My church just finished a fast this week. We have 2 nights of prayer collectively during it and at the end of the second night my pastor felt led to pray for the single women in the church who desire to be married but struggle not being married. He prayed against the despair, sadness, hopelessness that man of the women in our church have been feeling and he has been sensing. He prayed that God would show us areas in ourselves that make us not ready for marriage, that we be found by Godly men,that men would not be scared to approach a woman and tell her he likes her or ask her out. That the men would get there stuff together to enter into marriage, that they not play games, and not be intimidated by the women in the church. That we would be content in God, that we would know and feel his love, be receptive of God's love for us and see him as our husband above any other. It brought many of the women, self included, to tears because of spoke to a part of ourselves we didn't want t o admit, was heavy on our hearts, and just praying for us and seeing what is going on in a large population of our church.

Thanks for all the resources. And encouragement look forward to participating in this thread and the CF in general.


----------



## Maracujá

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> I agree that it is a mirror of who we are. The flaws we know and don't know are put on display and our spouses call us on them and we are forced to change.
> 
> *However I believe many times we buy into this lie that only marriage can sanctify us. Marriage sanctifies us in a different way but not a better way. The things we change/learn in marriage we would have learned and changed thru other experiences because God wants us to look like his son no matter what.
> 
> In the end it is all a sanctification process, married or single, and the end result is the same-We look like Christ and God is glorified through us. The healing comes as we endure the process and persevere . Like Romans 5:3-5 says about persevering is to produce character and character produces hope. We have to endure to change so whether we endure in a marriage or endure in our singleness we must persevere and have a heart for wanting to change and look like Christ.*



Waw, you explained it very well, makes me see things in a new perspective.


----------



## Incognitus

Wow, I'm glad I stumbled upon this thread. Perfect timing.


----------



## Haddasah

This past weekend was a downer. A complete stranger asked if I was pregnant then explained to me WHY she thought I was while her husband attempted to comfort me with  "a lot of men these days don't like 'skinny women'." Then I didn't get a call from a certain guy who promised to call yesterday evening. I don't want to feel bad about it all  but it comes in waves...that feeling of being undesirable and rejected. I know that I am giving too much weight to other people words and actions because I know that God desires me and has not rejected me!


----------



## nubiennze

Haddasah

Words can sometimes sting, but it seems to me that you already possess the most potent antidote: knowledge of the truth.  Not only does God desire you, but He created you exactly as He intended you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing anyone can say will take away from that. 

You've probably already encountered this post, but in case you haven't, it really helped settle my spirit with regard to desirability and perceived rejection. If anything you were likely spared from a man who can't be held to his word--imagine the long term implications of becoming emotionally involved with someone who makes promises he doesn't feel compelled to keep!

Despite emotional difficulties along the way, the God we serve is a faithful God--a God we can trust to always have our best interests at heart. It's not my experience or belief that He withholds any good thing from us, which is reason enough to thank Him for working everything out for our good when certain elements are removed from our lives.


----------



## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> I feel like there is certain knowledge and healing that can only come from being in a relationship.  Some lessons can't be learn on your own.  Thoughts?



I swear you're in my head sometimes, Belle Du Jour!

Yes, I definitely have thoughts but may have to come back another time to type them out fully. The short answer is: YES!  The biggest ones that come to mind that I have heard from a few married folk is "selflessness/altruism" and "forgiveness".  Giving a few hours to the poor is one thing but selflessness in marriage is another thing. Forgiving strangers is one thing but forgiving a spouse or child is a whole other level.  

But yes, I agree with you especially on a personal level.  I believe that I cannot reach a certain maturation and _certain_ healing outside of marriage.  However I don't know this to be true for all single women .. maybe just some of us ...


----------



## Haddasah

nubiennze said:


> Haddasah
> 
> Words can sometimes sting, but it seems to me that you already possess the most potent antidote: knowledge of the truth.  Not only does God desire you, but He created you exactly as He intended you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing anyone can say will take away from that.
> 
> You've probably already encountered this post, but in case you haven't, it really helped settle my spirit with regard to desirability and perceived rejection. If anything you were likely spared from a man who can't be held to his word--imagine the long term implications of becoming emotionally involved with someone who makes promises he doesn't feel compelled to keep!
> 
> Despite emotional difficulties along the way, the God we serve is a faithful God--a God we can trust to always have our best interests at heart. It's not my experience or belief that He withholds any good thing from us, which is reason enough to thank Him for working everything out for our good when certain elements are removed from our lives.




Thank you for the kind words of encouragement!


----------



## LoveisYou

I'm giving God the pen
my selfish wants fight against it
but I hand it over to Him now
I want Him to write my story


----------



## loolalooh

I usually just watch this vlogger for her hair care vids, so seeing this *"Fiancé Tag"* (i.e., interview with her fiancé) in my feed was unexpected.  I thought I would share it to encourage you ladies - especially those who question where the Christian men have gone.

They got engaged sometime last year and will wed this March.  They met at church and started as friends, but he knew from the start that she was the one and pursued her. *Read this snippet (it's not in the video above) from how they met ... I thought it was interesting since some of you may be saying exactly what she said: *



> The Man: It was a hot Sabbath day after church and my friend said she would take me over to meet [The Woman] if I’d stop harassing her about it. So over we went…
> 
> The Woman: I was chatting with a few of my girlfriends after church, when the friend walked over and introduced us to one of her friends, [The Man]. It was funny because *my friends and I were just joking about how there weren’t any guys our age at this particular church.* [The Man] seemed very polite and we shook hands …



And the rest is history.  Another reminder that your future hubby can be just around the corner or hidden in the masses.  He'll emerge when he's ready and possibly even *when it looks like there is no man in sight.*


----------



## Haddasah

I really LOVE this thread! All of the warm support and kindness, it's like a little oasis <3


----------



## stephluv

Went to bible study/discussion get together last night and the topic was jealousy and envy- that ended up on the topic of dating

At the age of 27 I am very happy with my decision to not date as I was not spiritually mature before and I want God to prepare me for what he has in His plans for me The more I am in the Word and Not Dating the stronger I feel...i'm loving this rebirth and my only regret is that I didnt take this more seriously years ago


----------



## GodivaChocolate

loolalooh said:


> I usually just watch this vlogger for her hair care vids, so seeing this "Fiancé Tag" (i.e., interview with her fiancé) in my feed was unexpected.  I thought I would share it to encourage you ladies - especially those who question where the Christian men have gone.
> 
> They got engaged sometime last year and will wed this March.  They met at church and started as friends, but he knew from the start that she was the one and pursued her. Read this snippet (it's not in the video above) from how they met ... I thought it was interesting since some of you may be saying exactly what she said:
> 
> And the rest is history.  Another reminder that your future hubby can be just around the corner or hidden in the masses.  He'll emerge when he's ready and possibly even when it looks like there is no man in sight.



Sorry to impose on your thread but I had to comment after I saw the video. I met my Christian Husband, who loves The Lord at they gym. I was well into my 30's when I met my husband, he was several years younger than me ;-)  Similar to the video he pursued me for a few weeks before I even knew it. I had been a member there for quite some time and he was asking this guy at the front desk if he knew me ...He would come every day to see if I was there and finally we ended up coming on the same evening once again. From across the gym I saw this guy staring at me, I thought he was someone else (another cute guy who worked out there) I paid him no mind and continued to work out. I even told my cousin, we worked out together sometimes, this guy keeps looking at me, she was checking him out also...lol...then finally he approached me, we talked, he had moved into the area for work, we knew a few people in common by chance, he walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. I remember thinking, I'm not going to get my hopes up (I'm sure we all know how that goes). He was tall, fit and handsome, physically he was what I liked but he seemed to nice (How dumb does that sound..lol) He soon after called and asked me out (I did not call him, I would let him call me at first). He was not giving up, we went out on our 1st date to a great restaurant and had an absolutely wonderful time because he listened to me, every word that came from my lips....He honored the fact that I was celibate, He said he had no problem waiting, I made it known very early on that I was not dating for kicks and that I was only going to date someone seriously if it led to marriage; we were on the same page. He knew I loved The Lord and he also expressed his love for God...1.5 years later we were married. The thing is he knew from the 1st day we met that he was going to marry me, I on the other hand, didn't think of him in that light at first. It's funny how God works.

I say that because I had dated a bunch of jerks up until I met my husband and I was tired of the foolishness leading nowhere. God knew my heart ( i would express it to him I'm sure daily when it came to finding a husband, I truly desired one at that time in my life) God knew I had to experience the egotistically and arrogant ones before I would realize that that was NOT what I wanted. Because I was so tired of the games I was open to receive my husband with little resistance on my part (God knew this about me). He truly blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me dearly and our family. He is my precious gift from GOD and I am his. Single ladies trust GOD, let him know the desires of your heart, have faith and know that in HIS time all things will reveal themselves, be patient and steadfast and when He knows both of you are ready then He will reveal His glory. God works in our relationship everyday, through the good and the challenging times but my husband and I both see His hand guiding us every step of the way!
I apologize for highjacking the thread but I needed to share this because I too was once a single, Christian woman!


----------



## Leigh

GodivaChocolate said:
			
		

> Sorry to impose on your thread but I had to comment after I saw the video. I met my Christian Husband, who loves The Lord at they gym. I was well into my 30's when I met my husband, he was several years younger than me ;-)  Similar to the video he pursued me for a few weeks before I even knew it. I had been a member there for quite some time and he was asking this guy at the front desk if he knew me ...He would come every day to see if I was there and finally we ended up coming on the same evening once again. From across the gym I saw this guy staring at me, I thought he was someone else (another cute guy who worked out there) I paid him no mind and continued to work out. I even told my cousin, we worked out together sometimes, this guy keeps looking at me, she was checking him out also...lol...then finally he approached me, we talked, he had moved into the area for work, we knew a few people in common by chance, he walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. I remember thinking, I'm not going to get my hopes up (I'm sure we all know how that goes). He was tall, fit and handsome, physically he was what I liked but he seemed to nice (How dumb does that sound..lol) He soon after called and asked me out (I did not call him, I would let him call me at first). He was not giving up, we went out on our 1st date to a great restaurant and had an absolutely wonderful time because he listened to me, every word that came from my lips....He honored the fact that I was celibate, He said he had no problem waiting, I made it known very early on that I was not dating for kicks and that I was only going to date someone seriously if it led to marriage; we were on the same page. He knew I loved The Lord and he also expressed his love for God...1.5 years later we were married. The thing is he knew from the 1st day we met that he was going to marry me, I on the other hand, didn't think of him in that light at first. It's funny how God works.
> 
> I say that because I had dated a bunch of jerks up until I met my husband and I was tired of the foolishness leading nowhere. God knew my heart ( i would express it to him I'm sure daily when it came to finding a husband, I truly desired one at that time in my life) God knew I had to experience the egotistically and arrogant ones before I would realize that that was NOT what I wanted. Because I was so tired of the games I was open to receive my husband with little resistance on my part (God knew this about me). He truly blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me dearly and our family. He is my precious gift from GOD and I am his. Single ladies trust GOD, let him know the desires of your heart, have faith and know that in HIS time all things will reveal themselves, be patient and steadfast and when He knows both of you are ready then He will reveal His glory. God works in our relationship everyday, through the good and the challenging times but my husband and I both see His hand guiding us every step of the way!
> I apologize for highjacking the thread but I needed to share this because I too was once a single, Christian woman!



Thank you for this.


----------



## loolalooh

GodivaChocolate said:


> Sorry to impose on your thread but I had to comment after I saw the video. I met my Christian Husband, who loves The Lord at they gym. I was well into my 30's when I met my husband, he was several years younger than me ;-)  Similar to the video he pursued me for a few weeks before I even knew it. I had been a member there for quite some time and he was asking this guy at the front desk if he knew me ...He would come every day to see if I was there and finally we ended up coming on the same evening once again. From across the gym I saw this guy staring at me, I thought he was someone else (another cute guy who worked out there) I paid him no mind and continued to work out. I even told my cousin, we worked out together sometimes, this guy keeps looking at me, she was checking him out also...lol...then finally he approached me, we talked, he had moved into the area for work, we knew a few people in common by chance, he walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. I remember thinking, I'm not going to get my hopes up (I'm sure we all know how that goes). He was tall, fit and handsome, physically he was what I liked but he seemed to nice (How dumb does that sound..lol) He soon after called and asked me out (I did not call him, I would let him call me at first). He was not giving up, we went out on our 1st date to a great restaurant and had an absolutely wonderful time because he listened to me, every word that came from my lips....He honored the fact that I was celibate, He said he had no problem waiting, I made it known very early on that I was not dating for kicks and that I was only going to date someone seriously if it led to marriage; we were on the same page. He knew I loved The Lord and he also expressed his love for God...1.5 years later we were married. The thing is he knew from the 1st day we met that he was going to marry me, I on the other hand, didn't think of him in that light at first. It's funny how God works.
> 
> I say that because I had dated a bunch of jerks up until I met my husband and I was tired of the foolishness leading nowhere. God knew my heart ( i would express it to him I'm sure daily when it came to finding a husband, I truly desired one at that time in my life) God knew I had to experience the egotistically and arrogant ones before I would realize that that was NOT what I wanted. Because I was so tired of the games I was open to receive my husband with little resistance on my part (God knew this about me). He truly blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me dearly and our family. He is my precious gift from GOD and I am his. Single ladies trust GOD, let him know the desires of your heart, have faith and know that in HIS time all things will reveal themselves, be patient and steadfast and when He knows both of you are ready then He will reveal His glory. God works in our relationship everyday, through the good and the challenging times but my husband and I both see His hand guiding us every step of the way!
> I apologize for highjacking the thread but I needed to share this because I too was once a single, Christian woman!



No imposing at all!  Direct testimonies from married Christian women are treasures.  Thank you sharing.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Today’s topic is Myth #4:  Men/Women Are Defective


> *Rejection*
> 
> When we are rejected by men, it is very common for our friends to try to make us feel better.  One way our friends do that is to say that the one who rejected us is ‘defective’ in some way.
> 
> “He is afraid of commitment.”
> 
> “He is a selfish jerk!”
> 
> “He spends too much time working.”
> 
> “He is a miser with his money.”
> 
> This shirt is funny.    The best way to bust this myth is to realize that we are all ‘defective’ in some way.  Indeed, some more than others.  But, we are also human beings with a soul.  Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.  It is unhealthy to tear down the person who rejects us.
> 
> *A Man’s Potential*
> 
> Instead, I think the rejection and perceived defect could be explained by (you guessed it) the idea that we each have a veil covering us.  The one who rejects us cannot see us due to our veil.  And, in the same way, we cannot see them because of their veil.  So, they look ‘defective’ to us.  But are they?
> 
> Here is what may surprise you.  That guy who is afraid of committing to you?  He will have no problem committing to the girl he loves.  The selfish jerk?  He can, under the right circumstance with the right girl, become a good husband.  Same with the guy who works too much and is a miser with his money.  Given the right circumstances, he can change.
> 
> _Love changes men.  But the love has to be fed by grace or it will die.  This is why chastity, including marital chastity, is so important.  Love is the spark but the grace of chastity is the fuel source that stokes the fire of love.  Marital Chastity, which includes remaining open to life, strengthens and cements commitment.  _It sands off the rough edges of selfishness.  Chastity resets priorities and aligns them with what is best for the marriage and family.  Chastity infuses supernatural graces leading to Superabundance.
> 
> *Give Him What He Needs*
> 
> So, don’t worry about that guy who rejects you.  He is not defective.  He is just in need of love from the girl God has chosen for him.  And, he is in need of Chastity….from her.
> 
> When women expect to be treated with dignity, something remarkable happens:
> 
> Men discover that they’ll have to become gentlemen if they wish the company of women.” – Jason Evert
> 
> I actually feel sorry for him because the likelihood of him getting what he needs is very slim.  Unchaste behavior before marriage blinds men and they often marry the wrong girl for the wrong reasons. Sadly, their love will mostly likely die.  But even that marriage would be salvageable with marital chastity.
> 
> “Since a woman is loved, it follows that the nobler a woman is, the nobler a man will have to be to be deserving of that love.”- Archbishop Fulton Sheen
> 
> Even though men most likely are not aware of their need for chastity, the fact that they are not being provided the opportunity to experience this virtue is making them cynical.  Most girls are just not aware of the supernatural power of chastity and so it is not even an option for them or the guy.
> Faithful and Fruitful
> 
> …and free
> 
> Mr. Rejection is not defective and neither are you.
> 
> *A Good Example Of An Incorrect Assessment*
> 
> In this blog post by someone I admire and respect, the following “he’s defective” assessments were drawn:  “he’s an ***, and you are not. You didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s an undependable flake.”
> 
> Reading the letter from “Mauled by a Bear?” was heart-wrenching because I could so easily relate to her experience of frustration!  But, I disagree with the above assessment because I don’t think the guy in the letter is defective.  This girl is just not ‘the one’ and he is communicating that to her with his wishy washy-ness.  We girls must resist the temptation to make excuses and we must not overlook what these guys are communicating.
> 
> Ultimately, the advice provided near the end of the post is fair for both the girl and the guy:
> 
> “But if you want to know if a guy really likes you, you have to leave the heavy social lifting to him. Let him be the first to text in a text stream. Let him be the first to email in an email stream. If he wants to see you, he will ask to see you. Men do what they want, and usually try to get out of whatever they don’t want. End of story.”  Auntie Seraphic @ Seraphic Singles
> 
> You remain in my prayers. God love and bless you.


----------



## nubiennze

Please lift me up before the Lord, ladies--I'm amidst a wave of insecurity and feeling a little down. 

Of course I know what/who it is; I believe I made myself accessible after my brother chided me about my reluctance toward online dating. I'd already been there and done that (and told him as much) but internalized his assertion that my perspective was outdated and decided to revisit it since many of my standards have evolved since then. I convinced myself that I may be missing out on the types of guys I'd previously overlooked. 

Not knocking anyone who doesn't feel convicted using this avenue, but considering I'd already been admonished once to leave it alone (and didn't feel particularly at peace about it this time), for me it's just disobedience. *sigh* Now my mind is suddenly re-preoccupied with things past which I'd already moved.

Please be more vigilant than I was--the voice of the Lord should always outrank that of loved ones regardless of how well-meaning they may be.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

From Boundless: 



> A biblical relationship recognizes that men and women have different roles to play in dating and getting married. He is called to initiate, and you are called to respond. Giving him your number and telling him to call you sounds like you were trying too hard to get him to ask you out. As a woman, God designed you to be a helper. In marriage, that means using your gifts to help your husband carry through his leadership.1 In all of life, including dating, it means living out all the one-another verses in Scripture, as brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to help one another grow in godliness. That's no less true when we're dating or hoping to date. His godliness, not your hope for romance, should be your primary motivation. You want him to lead and are trying to help him do it. And that's good. *But what's your goal in all this: advancing his leadership or getting him to move your relationship forward? They may sound like one and the same, but the motivation is different. *As women, we must search our hearts (they are deceitful, see Jeremiah 17:9) and pray against our tendency to manipulate things toward our advantage; something we women tend to be pretty good at (thanks to our fallen nature).



I think this is an interesting way to think about it: by not taking the leadership role away from a man, you're actually helping him. . .



> A man's willingness to assume the risk is an essential (albeit small) test of his character and his ability to take on the role of husband. As I've written in the past on Boundless, *"Risking rejection is merely a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of that level of sacrifice [required in marriage]. Any man unwilling to take it is unworthy of a godly woman's consideration for marriage." *



Full article here: http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0002638.cfm


----------



## nubiennze

Belle Du Jour said:


> *"Risking rejection is merely a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of that level of sacrifice [required in marriage]. Any man unwilling to take it is unworthy of a godly woman's consideration for marriage."*


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://www.boundlessline.org/2013/0...ed:+boundlessline/blog+(Blog:+Boundless+Line)

Black Engagement Story on Boundless


----------



## loolalooh

A daughter of my parents' friend is getting married this December.  I'm so happy for her!

*Short background story:*

Her previous fiance stood her up and disappeared.  She was crushed but kept the faith and focus.  Now, a few years later, she is engaged and prepping for her wedding.  She turns 38 this year.  

I know a majority of women would've given up around her age, especially after being jilted by a fiance.  Keep the faith, ladies.


----------



## loolalooh

2013 is the year of engagements and marriage for this forum.  I look forward to hearing more stories!


----------



## kikigirl

....


----------



## LoveisYou

kikigirl, such a beautiful story and so encouraging. Thanks for sharing.


----------



## nubiennze

kikigirl said:


> Looking back, I now understand that all my years of worrying over my singleness were for nothing. We tend to see things as a "me" issue. *It takes two to make a couple.* Your singleness may not be a "you" issue, but rather also a "him" issue.



Quoted for emphasis. 

Congrats on your engagement!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

loolalooh said:


> 2013 is the year of engagements and marriage for this forum.  I look forward to hearing more stories!



I receive that


----------



## Belle Du Jour

kikigirl said:


> I totally understand the longing for a godly, Christ-centered marriage. About 3 years ago, I was at my highest point of discouragement about ever meeting a godly and compatible man. I had just suffered a huge professional disappointment that had landed me into one of the "worst cities for singles" . Prospects IRL were abysmal. Online dating was horrible. After a few weeks, all eligible, half-decent matches dried up. It was rough. And the matches that I interacted with and met...*You know that feeling of "being too much" and "not enough" at the same time? *
> 
> Anyway, this situation went on for about a year. I settled down into the city, made friends, joined meetups and activity groups, got involved with ministry, small group, etc, and *kept living.* Also, I kept one of my online accounts open for the occasional biweekly half-decent dating prospect.
> 
> And then, one day, I was matched with the man that I'll be marrying in 7 weeks! From my perspective, he was just random match #(insert number in the 500's) from a small town 2 hours away (I had widened my search area to increase my odds). BUT, as I would later learn from him, I was match #1. DF had just moved from the opposite coast to "random small town in the middle of nowhere" after a rather bold decision to re-orient his career. Against all odds, he had refused a very nice job offer from Google to instead accept a position in town in the middle of nowhere.
> 
> We interacted by email for a week, after which he asked to speak over the phone, and during our first phone conversation (on a Saturday afternoon), he asked whether he could come visit me the next afternoon after church. We met, enjoyed each other's company, and then went from there.
> 
> Looking back, *I now understand that all my years of worrying over my singleness were for nothing. We tend to see things as a "me" issue. It takes two to make a couple. Your singleness may not be a "you" issue, but rather also a "him" issue. *While I was worrying impatiently, DF was working for the government, living on the opposite coast, and unable to meet and date me.
> 
> God knows exactly how to bring all the components of His plan together, at exactly the right time.



Congratulations kikigirl!  So much wisdom in your post. 

God already knows the timeline so might as well just chill.  I know, easier said than done.  

You never know what the reason is for the delay.  Here your man was getting his career together so he could be an awesome provider.  For someone else, the man might need to develop his walk with God so he can hear Him more clearly about you.  I think this is why we should pray for our future spouses because if you are called to marry and he's "out there" your prayers can avail much in his life.  Sometimes, when I get frustrated, I start to pray for him.  In that moment, we're connected on a spiritual level. 

God bless your engagement and marriage!


----------



## kikigirl

Thanks, ladies. *group hug*


----------



## loolalooh

kikigirl said:


> *Coming out of lurking mode*
> 
> Sorry to drop in on you ladies, but I feel led to share some encouragement tonight. Abba has His children's lives in His hands!!! He knows what He has planned for each of us.
> 
> I totally understand the longing for a godly, Christ-centered marriage. About 3 years ago, I was at my highest point of discouragement about ever meeting a godly and compatible man. I had just suffered a huge professional disappointment that had landed me into one of the "worst cities for singles" . Prospects IRL were abysmal. Online dating was horrible. After a few weeks, all eligible, half-decent matches dried up. It was rough. And the matches that I interacted with and met...You know that feeling of "being too much" and "not enough" at the same time?
> 
> Anyway, this situation went on for about a year. I settled down into the city, made friends, joined meetups and activity groups, got involved with ministry, small group, etc, and kept living. Also, I kept one of my online accounts open for the occasional biweekly half-decent dating prospect.
> 
> And then, one day, I was matched with the man that I'll be marrying in 7 weeks! From my perspective, he was just random match #(insert number in the 500's) from a small town 2 hours away (I had widened my search area to increase my odds). BUT, as I would later learn from him, I was match #1. DF had just moved from the opposite coast to "random small town in the middle of nowhere" after a rather bold decision to re-orient his career. Against all odds, he had refused a very nice job offer from Google to instead accept a position in town in the middle of nowhere.
> 
> We interacted by email for a week, after which he asked to speak over the phone, and during our first phone conversation (on a Saturday afternoon), he asked whether he could come visit me the next afternoon after church. We met, enjoyed each other's company, and then went from there.
> 
> Looking back, I now understand that all my years of worrying over my singleness were for nothing. We tend to see things as a "me" issue. It takes two to make a couple. Your singleness may not be a "you" issue, but rather also a "him" issue. While I was worrying impatiently, DF was working for the government, living on the opposite coast, and unable to meet and date me.
> 
> God knows exactly how to bring all the components of His plan together, at exactly the right time.



YAAAS!!  Congratulations, kikigirl!  I feel more forum stories coming this year.


----------



## loolalooh

Belle Du Jour said:


> I receive that



Amen!


----------



## LoveisYou

"No one is perfect, we are all broken somewhere.
A key is broken in all the right places to fit a certain lock. When that key is placed in that lock, there is a quiet click. When we meet a person who is broken in the right places to accommodate our brokenness, there is a click." T.D. Jakes


----------



## stephluv

Belle Du Jour said:


> God already knows the timeline so might as well just chill. I know, easier said than done.
> 
> *I think this is why we should pray for our future spouses because if you are called to marry and he's "out there" your prayers can avail much in his life.* Sometimes, when I get frustrated, I start to pray for him. In that moment, we're connected on a spiritual level.


 




LoveisYou said:


> "No one is perfect, we are all broken somewhere.
> A key is broken in all the right places to fit a certain lock. When that key is placed in that lock, there is a quiet click. When we meet a person who is broken in the right places to accommodate our brokenness, there is a click." T.D. Jakes


 

@kikigirl- Congratulations and thank you for the encouraging testimony! 

Belle Du Jour- I totally agree and have been praying! I consider this the time that God is preparing me for him

LoveisYou- love the quote so Thanks for posting....its sooo true!


----------



## janiebaby

Looks like this thread is going nowhere fast.....I'm out


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Another excellent article from Boundless 
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002571.cfm


----------



## VelvetRain

I've contacted mods regarding your harassing pm's cyrealla. Let it go and move on.


----------



## fifi134

Can we just stop this? This is not what the Christian forum is about. Let it go.


----------



## LoveisYou

Great Videos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcZ4Zd61z40&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eczeqUFioUQ


----------



## DreamLife

LoveisYou Thanks for posting, right on time for me!


----------



## pebbles

*The nonsense being played out in this thread stops now! 

If you don't go to church, you probably shouldn't be posting here. The drama isn't welcomed. If this continues, members involved in the back and forth will be banned. The Christian Forum isn't the place for foolish bickering. And please be reminded that the pm system of this forum is NOT a tool to be used to harass anyone. 

Please consider this my final warning. I won't be contacting anyone after this. You'll just find yourself banned from this forum permanently.*




My deepest apologies to those not involved.


----------



## stephluv

So I prayed for a veil to be put on me so my future husband can see me but I think I need to be more specific lol I have interested males but i'm not interested in them......my friends are saying i'm being picky but i dont think I am I just havent seen anything I like so far...i just joined wifey material (girlfriends pray) and their was a key thing that stood out to me...i'm going to have a long chat with God about what I am "attracting"...its either I need to let up or re-evaluate myself


----------



## Highly Favored8

stephluv said:


> So I prayed for a veil to be put on me so my future husband can see me but I think I need to be more specific lol I have interested males but i'm not interested in them......my friends are saying i'm being picky but i dont think I am I just havent seen anything I like so far...i just joined wifey material (girlfriends pray) and their was a key thing that stood out to me...i'm going to have a long chat with God about what I am "attracting"...its either I need to let up or re-evaluate myself



stephluv I am doing Wifey Material as well along with Life camp.Girlfriends pray.org


----------



## stephluv

Highly Favored8 said:


> @stephluv I am doing Wifey Material as well along with Life camp.Girlfriends pray.org


Highly Favored8- yay!! I really enjoyed the first lesson I was on the call but wasnt by a computer since I was at the salon lol Already i'm learning so much about myself...i'm not dating but I would like to be prepared when the time is right


----------



## sweetvi

LoveisYou

Love that prophetess and video. Thanks.  Going to look her up


----------



## Maracujá

Time for me to be single for real and stop the mental clutter. Physically I've been single for nearly seven years but mentally...no purity in sight. I clog my mind thinking about my ex and every attractive man I see I have fantasies about us potentially being together. Time to end it here.


----------



## nubiennze

^^ This post pricked my heart...with hedge clippers.  I've been needing to fast for purity for some time but have been dragging my feet.

Please keep us posted on how you progress with this.


----------



## Renewed1

Maracujá said:


> Time for me to be single for real and stop the mental clutter. Physically I've been single for nearly seven years but mentally...no purity in sight. I clog my mind thinking about my ex and every attractive man I see I have fantasies about us potentially being together. Time to end it here.



Maracujá ur not the only one.  One of my friends said she was watching a matchmaker show.  The matchmaker said "it's not only important to be physically single; but you must be single in your mind as well."  

Blew me away! I haven't been mentally single since I physically broke up with my last boyfriend.  

It takes time.  What I do when these thoughts arise is pray for my future hubby. Although more often than not I rather entertain my thoughts.


----------



## LoveisYou

Father of the bride make the best speech ever (get your tissues out)
http://www.godvine.com/Father-of-the-Bride-Gives-the-Most-Touching-Speech-Ever-2831.html

God is preparing us and our future spouses for each other ladies!


----------



## EbonyTresses

Wow mentally single. I never thought about it that way before, but it is so true.


----------



## Incognitus

Maracujá said:


> Time for me to be single for real and stop the mental clutter. Physically I've been single for nearly seven years but mentally...no purity in sight. *I clog my mind thinking about my ex and every attractive man I see I have fantasies about us potentially being together. *Time to end it here.



This is a major struggling point for me.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

1 Peter 3:1-5
Likewise, you wives should be subordinate to your husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, *they may be won over by their wives' conduct* and when they observe *your reverent and chaste behavior*.  Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather *the hidden character of the heart*, expressed in the *imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition*, which is precious in the sight of God.  For this is also how the holy women who hoped in God once used to adorn themselves and were subordinate to their husbands.

I love this passage of scripture.  It is chock full with wisdom on how holy women of God attract husbands.  Peter talks about the things that a man of God can't help but be won over by:
-reverent behavior
-chaste behavior
-hidden ("a woman should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek God to find her")
-gentle and calm disposition (anxious for nothing, including a husband, and knowing that her needs are taken care of)
-holiness like our mothers in the faith (Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Esther, Ruth to name a few and of course Mary who fully submitted to the will of God and became the embodiment what it meant to be a handmaid of the Lord) 

Now, the world tells us something completely different:
-pursue him and ask him out
-always be available
-sleep with him
-use your physical appearance and body to attract him 
-pride over humility and servitude

The juxtaposition is so stark.  One pathway may lead to an active social life, filled with temporal pleasures but likely end in heartbreak.  The other path is narrow and hidden away, leads to a deeper relationship with God, built on faith and complete trust, that attracts the _right _person (not several random suitors) and leads to life.


----------



## LoveisYou

Belle Du Jour, thank you GREAT reminder


----------



## nubiennze

I wish I could broadcast this for the whole forum (the whole world, even) to see.


----------



## Angelicus

My pastors are doing a marriage seminar and they invited singles. It's called "7 principles for making marriage work." He is urging the singles to join because we shouldn't have to wait until we're married to know about marriage. Friday night was our first day of teaching and it was great.

After years, I would like to get married.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lamentations 3: 25-27; 31-32

The Lord is good to those who *trust *in Him, to the one that *seeks *Him; It is good to *hope in silence* for the Lord's deliverance.  For the Lord does not reject forever; Though He brings grief, he takes pity, according to the abundance of His mercy.


----------



## Kacie

I don't know if this blog has already been posted (didn't do a search) but I stumbled upon it and fell in love.

http://lifeisabeautifulstruggle1.wordpress.com/2013/03/

http://lifeisabeautifulstruggle.tumblr.com/


----------



## Iwanthealthyhair67

Dr. Myles Munroe - Make Your Marriage A Success

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUSb4QFnbfE

For singles ladies also, something to think about.


----------



## stephluv

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> Dr. Myles Munroe - Make Your Marriage A Success
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUSb4QFnbfE
> 
> For singles ladies also, something to think about.


 
I love watching videos on him....I always get a great message!!


----------



## sweetvi

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> Dr. Myles Munroe - Make Your Marriage A Success
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUSb4QFnbfE
> 
> For singles ladies also, something to think about.



Loves this Message:

1. He should already be in the presence of God (Ladies we are not dating to save)

2. He should be a provider ( we are not a Ride or Die Chicken..always hated that slogan anyway)

3. He should cultivate us.. Bring out the best in us. He loves us in our imperfections regardless.

4. He should be our protector,  defender, our shelter. We are safe in his presence ( won't abuse us emotionally,  physically,  or sexually)


He is always on point


----------



## Leigh

sweetvi said:
			
		

> Loves this Message:
> 
> 1. He should already be in the presence of God (Ladies we are not dating to save)
> 
> 2. He should be a provider ( we are not a Ride or Die Chicken..always hated that slogan anyway)
> 
> 3. He should cultivate us.. Bring out the best in us. He loves us in our imperfections regardless.
> 
> 4. He should be our protector,  defender, our shelter. We are safe in his presence ( won't abuse us emotionally,  physically,  or sexually)
> 
> He is always on point



Love this.  Let's change all those should's to MUST's!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Love this video of the Ludy's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f30S5KMJArI


----------



## LoveisYou

So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires" 

I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing
not that I want Him to take them away

But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?


----------



## stephluv

LoveisYou said:


> So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires"
> 
> I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
> let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing
> not that I want Him to take them away
> 
> But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?



LoveisYou- Honestly ever since I fully committed to God I can say its like my desires have lessened I do have some urges every once in awhile but prayer and keeping myself busy does help Every day I feel stronger and by reading The Word I have a better understanding of my worth and these desires are losing their value because I am not married It's tough but i was being selfish before Now I think about how my actions affect my relationship with God


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

LoveisYou said:


> So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires"
> 
> I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
> let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing
> not that I want Him to take them away
> 
> But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?



Guess I lucked out. I don't have any 'desires'. If the 'desires' are what I think you are referring too.


----------



## nubiennze

LoveisYou said:


> So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires"
> 
> I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
> let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing
> not that I want Him to take them away
> 
> But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?



Oops, I meant to come back a while ago and respond to this. My apologies, LoveisYou. 

Like you, I never wanted my "desires" to be taken away--only to be placed on reserve until the appropriate time. When I was earnest in this prayer, I had nary a problem; I'd be mildly "aware" of my body around ovulation (frankly that's due to another area I'm yet working on, since the worse I eat, the more pronounced my menstrual symptoms become), but it was nothing I couldn't readily reject and rebuke. 

Admittedly I recently opened the floodgates by becoming too closely involved with a counterfeit, and up until a little while ago I wasn't handling the fallout from this too well.  While I knew all along that the Lord wasn't pleased, I first had to get back to where I was in the beginning, when I _genuinely_ didn't want to do it anymore (as opposed to justifying it with the excuse that the urges were too difficult to overcome b/c I was still enjoying it). Once I prayed that sincere prayer, I was delivered from what had previously seemed insurmountable. While I'm still dealing with _thoughts_, I'm not consumed with physical _yearning_. I'm confident that once I get serious about quelling my mind's desires (the "mentally single" post is a nod to this), I'll be delivered from the thoughts as well.

Two things have helped: 1) I knew the urges weren't _impossible_ to overcome, as I'd done so before, and 2) I was forced to face the music when I was asked, far more bluntly than posted here, whether I ever indulged said urges. It was no longer a "secret sin" once I'd verbally confessed to it and had to acknowledge how much I was compromising my ministry and testimony. 

In short, be honest with the Lord (and yourself) and tell Him the same thing you told us. If it's consistently overwhelming, fasting and prayer may be in order. Invite the Holy Spirit in in those moments, before you have time to convince yourself that you're "allowed" to succumb to human frailty. That's how things snowball; a little lust can quickly turn into a big ol' backslide. I find that I accomplish this better when I immortalize my thoughts in writing rather than just allowing them to fester inside my head. Cranking up some praise music and going outside for a walk/run helps too, although I haven't done that in ages. 

Also--and I can't emphasize this enough--*PLEASE* resist the temptation to "missionary date"! If a man expresses anything other than 100% _personal_ commitment to leading a Godly lifestyle (not "I guess I can wait, but I've never had to before" and not "Well, I guess I'll do what I gotta do"), do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Drop to your knees and _pray_: for him, for the direction of the relationship, for your own emotional diligence. Any man pursuing courtship for marriage should exhibit the requirements for a Godly husband _at the onset of the courtship_. Even if he is for you, trust that the Lord will bring him back around once he's ready. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE HIM!!! This is just asking to gradually begin entertaining whatever lust he's still harboring (at best) or to end up in a compromising position during a moment of weakness (at worst); ask me how I know. 

I'm glad we're having this convo; too many folks, believers and non-believers alike, have accepted the lie that celibacy is impossible. Hopefully other ladies will chime in with their testimonies as well.


----------



## LoveisYou

nubiennze said:


> Oops, I meant to come back a while ago and respond to this. My apologies, LoveisYou.
> 
> Like you, I never wanted my "desires" to be taken away--only to be placed on reserve until the appropriate time. When I was earnest in this prayer, I had nary a problem; I'd be mildly "aware" of my body around ovulation (frankly that's due to another area I'm yet working on, since the worse I eat, the more pronounced my menstrual symptoms become), but it was nothing I couldn't readily reject and rebuke.
> 
> Admittedly I recently opened the floodgates by becoming too closely involved with a counterfeit, and up until a little while ago I wasn't handling the fallout from this too well.  While I knew all along that the Lord wasn't pleased, I first had to get back to where I was in the beginning, when I _genuinely_ didn't want to do it anymore (as opposed to justifying it with the excuse that the urges were too difficult to overcome b/c I was still enjoying it). Once I prayed that sincere prayer, I was delivered from what had previously seemed insurmountable. While I'm still dealing with _thoughts_, I'm not wraught with physical _yearning_. I'm confident that once I get serious about quelling my mind's desires (the "mentally single" post hearkens to this), I'll be delivered from the thoughts as well.
> 
> Two things have helped: 1) I knew the urges weren't _impossible_ to overcome, as I'd done so before, and 2) I was forced to face the music when I was asked, far more bluntly than posted here, whether I ever indulged said urges. It was no longer a "secret sin" once I'd verbally confessed to it and had to acknowledge how much I was compromising my ministry and testimony.
> 
> In short, be honest with the Lord (and yourself) and tell Him the same thing you told us. If it's consistently overwhelming, fasting and prayer may be in order. Invite the Holy Spirit in in those moments, before you have time to convince yourself that you're "allowed" to succumb to human frailty. That's how things snowball; a little lust can quickly turn into a big ol' backslide. I find that I accomplish this better when I immortalize my thoughts in writing rather than just allowing them to fester inside my head. Cranking up some praise music and going outside for a walk/run helps too, although I haven't done that in ages.
> 
> Also--and I can't emphasize this enough--*PLEASE* resist the temptation to "missionary date"! If a man expresses anything other than 100% _personal_ commitment to leading a godly lifestyle (not "I guess I can wait, but I've never had to before" and not "Well, I guess I'll do what I gotta do"), do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Drop to your knees and _pray_: for him, for the direction of the relationship, for your own emotional diligence. Any man pursuing courtship for marriage should exhibit the requirements for a godly husband _at the onset of the courtship_. Even if he is for you, trust that the Lord will bring him back around once he's ready. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE HIM!!! This is just asking to gradually begin entertaining whatever lust he's still harboring (at best) or to end up in a compromising position during a moment of weakness (at worst); ask me how I know.
> 
> I'm glad we're having this convo; too many folks, believers and non-believers alike, have accepted the lie that celibacy is impossible. Hopefully other ladies will chime in with their testimonies as well.



Thanks so much for this post nubiennze

Like you I don't believe that celibacy is impossible, we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength

I like your point about coming clean to ourselves and God...I will pray that God search my heart and reveal any impure motives.

I do need to trust His timing, I am what you call a "problem solver" and one of my biggest flaws is getting involved even when I don't need to get involved even when I need to stand back and let God do his work.  Praying about that too

Thanks again


----------



## Iwanthealthyhair67

Being chaste is not only and outward thing, but it's important for us to be chaste in our minds as well. Going off on bunny trails (imaginings or day dreaming about men in sexuals siuations) in our minds, is also sin and it's dangerous.

Our minds is where we have our biggest battles, I remind you dear sisters to pull down every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God as often as the thought would come. He is able to keep us if we truly want to be kept and that's in both our minds and bodies.


----------



## Incognitus

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> Being chaste is not only and outward thing, but* it's important for us to be chaste in our minds as well. *Going off on bunny trails (imaginings or day dreaming about men in sexuals siuations) in our minds, is also sin and it's dangerous.
> 
> *Our minds is where we have our biggest battles, I remind you dear sisters to pull down every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God* as often as the thought would come. He is able to keep us if we truly want to be kept and that's in both our minds and bodies.



This is the part I have the most trouble with! Thank you for this post.


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

Ladies pray for me please.... I need a miracle.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Should Christians believe in love stories? Or is it a setup for heartbreak?

http://jackieandbobby.com/2013/04/02/love-story-real-or-trouble/


----------



## JaneBond007

^^I don't see the problem.  Who on earth wants to be in an arranged situation...or worse, marriage by settling, where there is little to no attraction to the person.  Yuck.  There's got to be attraction.  What makes a marriage endure is if both  partners commit through thick and thin.  I think love stories  can encourage people.  Ultimately, there are billions of individual love stories that only have one perfect fit, but they can give us life that we'll find our own.


----------



## bellatiamarie

I just stumbled upon this blog post..... Thought I'd share it with you ladies!
http://stirringthedeep.com/2010/11/01/don’t-awaken-love-until-it-pleases/


----------



## Maracujá

Mind blowing article by the founder of the Good Women project blog, I especially like it because my thinking is starting to steer in that direction: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-dubinsky/the-most-difficult-but-gr_b_2960095.html


----------



## nubiennze

Randomly came across this old thread and found it interesting in light of the conversation being had here.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

"Emotional and physical chastity will weed out every guy except for the one that God has for you.  *Guaranteed*.  " Boom.

From: http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/04/04/he-is-not-the-one/


----------



## nubiennze

^^ The process certainly tends to be self-selecting.  Even if they do express intentions of courtship and marriage early on, they tend to eliminate themselves fairly quickly once it becomes clear that your expectations exceed what they have (or are willing) to offer.

Loved this part in particular:



> *Certainty Is A Sign*
> 
> Certainty is a big green light from God.  It is a gift from Him that He wants to give us.  He wants us to know His will.  *Why would He make us struggle with such an important question like our vocation and our spouse?*  He doesn’t.  The struggle is instead manufactured by us humans.



The post as a whole reminded me how much easier it's recently become to walk away from Mr. Unwilling-to-Court-Me-the-Way-I-Desire, and I truly thank God for my progress in Him and the confidence I've acquired in upholding my standards.


----------



## stephluv

God has been speaking to me through others and just telling me to WAIT!! This yr of not dating (a yr will be in July) just might have to be prolonged a bit longer and honestly i'm fine with it. Every day i get stronger and content knowing that His Best for me Will come in His time and not mine!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Man sometimes I have to get hit over the head to finally get something.  I've been reading about the book Passion and Purity for several months but have been resistant to buy another "Christian singles" book.   A recent blog post from the Veil (http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/03/20/dear-god-what-do-you-want-from-me/) made me think about getting it again.  Received it yesterday and am 2/3 of the way through it.    For anyone struggling with the waiting season, please check this book out.  Elisabeth Elliot WILL call you out though.   You have been warned


----------



## Iwanthealthyhair67

Sisters, I just want to remind you (myself included) to be careful of what you watch and listen to, sometimes our favorites television shows or authors of certain books awaken desires in us that should be dormant until our groom comes.

Make a covenant with your eyes that you wont watch shows or read books that will tempt you to sin in anway, that you wont listen to songs that will evoke memories of previous relationships.  

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.


----------



## stephluv

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> Sisters, I just want to remind you (myself included) to be careful of what you watch and listen to, sometimes our favorites television shows or authors of certain books *awaken desires in us that should be dormant until our groom comes*.
> 
> Make a covenant with your eyes that you wont watch shows or read books that will tempt you to sin in anway, that you wont listen to songs that will evoke memories of previous relationships.
> 
> *We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us*.


 
Iwanthealthyhair67
Yes I agree wholeheartedly!! I realize now that one of the first things that influenced my falling under sexual temptation was all those raunchy books I read as early as the age of 11 smh I loved to read that much that anything I could grab I did but that was just letting those spirits enter me so its no surprise that I got caught up smh 

So even tho I am stronger now I just try to avoid alot of things such as shows/movies/books/conversations/music that can bring those spirits back to me especially since i'm in my 9th mth of celibacy...even my friends are surprised I lasted this long I'm not surprised tho cause I put it in Gods hands after failed attempts of thinking I could overcome it by myself...WE definitely can do all things thorugh Christ who strengthens us!!!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> Sisters, I just want to remind you (myself included) to *be careful of what you watch and listen to*, sometimes our favorites television shows or authors of certain books awaken desires in us that should be dormant until our groom comes.
> 
> Make a covenant with your eyes that you wont watch shows or read books that will tempt you to sin in anway, that you wont listen to songs that will evoke memories of previous relationships.
> 
> We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.



All sins of the flesh start in the mind first.  All of them.   So this is SO critical.  Limit the avenues that Satan has to access your mind.


----------



## Iwanthealthyhair67

Amen and Amen!!!



Belle Du Jour said:


> *All sins of the flesh start in the mind first. All of them. So this is SO critical. Limit the avenues that Satan has to access your mind.[/*QUOTE]


----------



## sweetvi

Belle Du Jour

The Veil

Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you.* You are covered by a veil which protects you from Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost Right.* However, the one that God has for you is the only guy that will be able to see you.* You will be his dream girl.* So, don’t allow yourself to stay in these wrong relationships.* Just move on. If he happens to be the one, he will quickly change when you tell him you are moving on.* He will not want to lose you and he will move things forward toward marriage.

This website is deeeeep.  That statement just comforted my heart.  For the past two months I've been replaying and revisiting past relationships and wondered had I've done things differently would it have worked out. Also, what was so bad about me that it all ended drastically lol. It's so funny how my relationships ended on either the most silliest or extreme reasons. It was because they were not ever supposed to be! smh
Thank you..bookmarking for further reading


----------



## Belle Du Jour

sweetvi said:


> This website is deeeeep.  That statement just comforted my heart.  For the past two months I've been replaying and revisiting past relationships and wondered had I've done things differently would it have worked out. Also, what was so bad about me that it all ended drastically lol. It's so funny how my relationships ended on either the most silliest or extreme reasons. It was because they were not ever supposed to be! smh
> Thank you..bookmarking for further reading



Yes, this blog has blessed me so much!  She is a very wise woman.  I just wish she posted more often.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

A short but excellent video by Fr. Barron on marriage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2fcNFHDzAE&feature=youtu.be

The highlights:

To get married in the Church before God, you're saying we've discerned that _together _, we are in love with God and God for His purposes have drawn us together.

Together two people fall in love with God and together they seek His purposes.

Simply looking for love is not enough.  We should be looking for God's will and God's purpose, and someone who is as in love with that purpose as we are.


----------



## Maracujá

Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.


----------



## LoveisYou

Maracujá said:


> Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.



Oh yea, and don't you dare me a single woman out and about living life...even worse


----------



## Leigh

Maracujá said:


> Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.



I never thought of this.


----------



## Leigh

LoveisYou said:


> Oh yea, and don't you dare me a single woman out and about living life...even worse



Why? I don't get it.


----------



## LoveisYou

Leigh said:


> Why? I don't get it.



I don't either ...I think some Christians think women should sit in the house...I don't know


----------



## stephluv

Maracujá said:


> Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.


 
Yes smh! You dont even have to be living alone lol Just living and being single and not being a hermit must mean your getting some  smh Its really sad...its like I cant even be myself and happy and be saved lol Trust me I do want to get married but I want to do it the right way and ENJOY my singleness


----------



## Incognitus

Maracujá said:


> Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.





LoveisYou said:


> Oh yea, and don't you dare me a single woman out and about living life...even worse





stephluv said:


> Yes smh! You dont even have to be living alone lol Just living and being single and not being a hermit must mean your getting some  smh Its really sad...its like I cant even be myself and happy and be saved lol Trust me I do want to get married but I want to do it the right way and ENJOY my singleness



Oh wow, glad to know I am not alone in experiencing this! I thought was just the people around me. It always bugs me when people make unwarranted assumptions or give me a "look"


----------



## Belle Du Jour

What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun?  I feel like I've become boring.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This entire post gave me life: http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/04/30/fantasy-relationships/ 



> Flirtations Are Not Dates
> 
> Many men will flirt with you and pay attention to you. They may text you or tweet with you.  They may stand close to you at parties and make you swoon.  They may even call you on the phone.  But, these are flirtations and flirtations are not dates.  Nor are they marriage proposals.  The danger is that they can easily turn into fantasy relationships.
> 
> A man who is potentially The One for you will take you on dates (Ice Cream, County Fair, Boardwalk, Movies, walk your dog).  Real dates.  Where the two of you are alone.  Where he can show you off to the world.  Where he can impress you with his manners and open doors for you.  Where he pays and takes a risk by asking you out formally.  Everything else is a flirtation; a fantasy relationship.  It does not count.  As Gregg says, “Anything else is the Lazy Man’s approach!”


----------



## nubiennze

Belle Du Jour said:


> A man who is potentially The One for you will take you on dates (Ice Cream, County Fair, Boardwalk, Movies, walk your dog). Real dates. Where the two of you are alone. Where he can show you off to the world. Where he can impress you with his manners and open doors for you. *Where he pays* and takes a risk by asking you out formally. Everything else is a flirtation; a fantasy relationship. It does not count. As Gregg says, “Anything else is the Lazy Man’s approach!”



For emphasis. 



Belle Du Jour said:


> What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun?  I feel like I've become boring.



I wanted to ask the same thing; I guess folks leave me alone for the most part because I _am_ a hermit. 

I actually encounter the opposite problem: older women offering unsolicited advice to hang out at sports bars and just find a man who "believes," rationalizing that the Lord can save him after the fact.


----------



## stephluv

Belle Du Jour said:


> What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun? I feel like I've become boring.


 

Belle Du Jour- i'm a fun person that lives a boring life lol .... my Christian friends are focused on their marriages, babies or boyfriends lol Or just plain broke or too busy to hang! Since i am trying to stay on this path...i've limited places I can hang with my associates...i never was into the club lifestyle so yes in a sense i've become boring but take trips to give myself some excitement


----------



## stephluv

nubiennze said:


> For emphasis.
> 
> 
> 
> I wanted to ask the same thing; I guess folks leave me alone for the most part because I _am_ a hermit.
> 
> I actually encounter the opposite problem: *older women offering unsolicited advice to hang out at sports bars and just find a man who "believes," rationalizing that the Lord can save him after the fact.*


 
nubiennze- smh yes i've been hearing that lately myself about the Lord can save him later But umm that would've been fine If I wasnt trying to live save now...that is way too much temptation to backslide and I want to submit to a man that follows God I pray that I dont get desperate as time goes on


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun? I feel like I've become boring.


 
This probably isn't considered "fun" at all but what the heck: I've been going to alot of info sessions on personal finance and since I'm also (re)decorating my studio apartment I visit alot of department stores to get ideas. Other than that I'm just working on my dissertation Once this is done I plan to travel, travel, travel


----------



## LoveisYou

Belledujour I do a lot o daytime outings: museums, day events, brunch, exploring, wine tastings etc. This wknd I'll be getting my tan on the beach 

Unless I'm going to dinner or a movie/show I don't usually go out much at night


----------



## Incognitus

I feel like I need some sort of spiritual retreat or shut in. Like I just need to pause my current life, and devote a few days or weeks to fasting, prayer, devotions, bible study...with no worldly influences. I'm in the deep funk (for lack of better word), and feel like that's the only way I can get out of it. I know it may sound strange.....I can't even explain it.


----------



## Dee_33

^^^pray about it.  A year ago I prayed for the very same thing and the next day I got an email from the 1st Lady of my church inviting me to a year long women's leadership class. We meet 2x a month and I love it.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Incognitus said:


> I feel like I need some sort of spiritual retreat or shut in. Like I just need to pause my current life, and devote a few days or weeks to fasting, prayer, devotions, bible study...with no worldly influences. I'm in the deep funk (for lack of better word), and feel like that's the only way I can get out of it. I know it may sound strange.....I can't even explain it.



We had a retreat at my Church today.  It's funny--the topic ended up being slightly different than they told us it would be about but it ended up matching perfectly with a book I'm reading now


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Another excellent post: "He will rule over you. . ."
http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/05/08/he-will-rule-over-you/



> *Original Sin*
> 
> I hear you scoffing at the old fashion notion of Original Sin but please hear me out.  Once I made the connection between The Fall of Mankind and my feelings, emotions, desires and weaknesses, it all began to make sense, especially these words of Sacred Scripture:
> 
> “Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you” Genesis 3:16
> 
> *Your Desire Will Be For Your Husband*
> 
> Seems like a simple little statement, right? And, it actually sounds like a good thing.  But, the statement is found in the chapter of Genesis following the sin of Adam and Eve. The statement describes the consequence of Original Sin for us women.  Remember, the sin of our first parents profoundly and negatively affected their relationship and this Original Sin continues to negatively affect our relationships with men and ourselves.
> 
> So, what could the statement, “…Your desire shall be for your husband…” possibly mean? What is the consequence for us women? I think the consequence is that the process of waiting for our husbands will be marked by great desire and suffering.


----------



## Reminiscing

Hi Ladies,

A question has been on my mind for a couple weeks now and I just need to get it out... Do you ever feel trapped by the way other people feel about single life?  

My sister got married last year and now she's pregnant with her first child.  Throughout her pregnancy and during her baby shower I've been asked some of the most ridiculous questions, two of the most popular being, "when are you having a baby?" or "so what are you doing about your love life?"  These questions are just dumb to me because what does my sister having a baby have to do with me. Why can't you be happy for her and leave me out of the conversation? I'm not a person who seeks attention.  I really have no problem with everyone wishing her well and giving her gifts while I standby and smile because believe it or not, I AM GENUINELY happy for my sister.  But, every time I've tried to avoid the questions and explain to people "don't worry about me, I'm fine.  Be happy for my sister because I'm happy for her" I'm told that I'm jealous of her and I don't trust that God can bring me a husband.  WHAT???  I don't understand how those conclusions are derived from me encouraging them to be happy for my sister and leave me out of it.  One person even proceeded to run down a list of all the things I'm doing wrong that cause me to still be single.  Smh!  I guess it would've been better if I was just direct and said MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!

Anyway, what this all made me realize is that not only do we as single women have to deal from time to time with the loneliness of not having a significant other in our life, we also have to deal with the loneliness of keeping our true feelings to ourselves and quite honestly I experience the later much more than the former.  I find myself very limited in what I can talk to people about, including my mom and sister who I'm supposedly very close with.  Any twinge of sadness from me about being single or any questions that may float through my mind about why I'm still waiting, if I dare let any of that out to them, I'm hit with you're jealous or you don't believe.  But I've asked God for wisdom and what I've learned is that it's not that people really think I'm jealous or that I don't believe, it's that non-single people are uncomfortable around single people because as much as they may complain about marriage, they still pity us for being alone.  I'm not saying this is true for everyone but it does apply to a lot of people I encounter.  So what happens is that instead of me being able to express how I feel even in moments when I am sad (notice I say moments because God has blessed with me grace so that I don't ever stay sad) or being able to ignore the dumb questions people so inconsiderately ask, I have to smile and engage in answering just so they feel comfortable and don't burden me down with their inaccurate assumptions.  I have to smile 24/7 no matter how I feel, even if the lack of a smile is due to something other than being single, like my stressful new job or my annoying neighbor or maybe just a bad hair day since believe it or not, being single is NOT on my mind 24/7. I couldn't even explain what I typed here to them if I wanted to because again it would equate to you're jealous and you don't believe.

Sigh... I wasn't going to post this but I feel in my spirit that someone else here feels trapped by other people's discomfort over their single status.  I just want you to know that you're not alone.  I'm praying for myself and I'm praying for you as well.


----------



## Divine.

I have been lurking in this thread awhile so I decided it's time to join! I recommitted myself to Christ a couple of months ago and boy has it been a journey. One of things I have been struggling with the most is God's timing. 

I had my first boyfriend when I was 12, and once that ended (it was like 6 weeks lol) I have been single ever since. I am 22. It's a struggle daily because I often wonder why God has kept me single for so long. Then I start asking, why wouldn't anyone want to be with me? It was those thoughts that pushed me away from God and led me into a lonely hole. 

Fast forward today, I have given my idol (being in a relationship) to God. I used to fantasize all day about my future husband. However I realized those thoughts and my impatience were stalling my spiritual journey. God wasn't opening any doors in my life until I closed everything that I gave all of my attention to. 

The hardest thing I had to do was close a door on a guy that I just knew was the man God sent me. My faith in Him was tested. I couldn't understand why God would put such an amazing man in my life and then take him away! Now I understand. I officially closed that door about a week ago and now I understand why it needed to happen.

I was making this fantasy relationship an idol. God wanted to see if I could handle a relationship responsibly by keeping Him first and I blew it big time. I didn't wait for his timing and took things into my own hands. Although I am still convinced this man could be in my future, I know that I'm not ready for it right now. I put all my cares into God's hands and I am ready to receive what He has in store. Hopefully this thread will keep me on the right track lol 

I encourage any of you ladies who are struggling with the wait to be still! You have to trust God 100% or it will make it harder for Him to work in your life. Even when things seem confusing, God is greater than that. He is greater than your own understanding. So stay strong. Press into The Lord. And focus on the relationship that matters the most: with God!


----------



## Incognitus

Reminiscing Thank you for sharing! I, too, have often felt like people think my whole life revolves around finding a husband and having children, It's like they automatically assume I'm sad because I'm single and childless.

Divine. What you posted makes so much sense. You have no idea how much I can relate to your everything you've said. I feel, perhaps I am not where the Lord wants me to be....as though I need to get myself right with Him before he can "trust" me with that special person.


----------



## stephluv

Reminiscing said:


> *But I've asked God for wisdom and what I've learned is that it's not that people really think I'm jealous or that I don't believe, it's that non-single people are uncomfortable around single people because as much as they may complain about marriage, they still pity us for being alone.* I'm not saying this is true for everyone but it does apply to a lot of people I encounter. So what happens is that instead of me being able to express how I feel even in moments when I am sad (notice I say moments because God has blessed with me grace so that I don't ever stay sad) or being able to ignore the dumb questions people so inconsiderately ask, I have to smile and engage in answering just so they feel comfortable and don't burden me down with their inaccurate assumptions.
> 
> Sigh... *I wasn't going to post this but I feel in my spirit that someone else here feels trapped by other people's discomfort over their single status. I just want you to know that you're not alone*. I'm praying for myself and I'm praying for you as well.


 
Reminiscing Thank you for posting this...I think it will help others besides me! Definitely food for thought...I know I want the best for my friends so I should try to see the positive side of everyone's "concern"


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I am reminding myself that the right man for me will not pursue me in a hesitant or inconsistent manner.  He will not leave me guessing or putting the pieces together about what his intentions are.


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

Belle Du Jour said:


> I am reminding myself that the right man for me will not pursue me in a hesitant or inconsistent manner.  He will not leave me guessing or putting the pieces together about what his intentions are.



I have to remind myself too. But for me its hard to remember that when I'm in the actual situation. smh


----------



## MrsHaseeb

Belle Du Jour said:


> I am reminding myself that the right man for me will not pursue me in a hesitant or inconsistent manner.  He will not leave me guessing or putting the pieces together about what his intentions are.



Can't thank this post enough Belle.


----------



## LovingLady

Hi ladies, I would like to share something that I was reading this morning, it's from the book: "The Power of Femininity"

Exert: "God made Adam go into deep sleep in order to create woman. He didn't awaken Adam until woman was a complete and finished work. God is waiting for you t become a finished vessel of honor - one capable of being the catalyst to making that man change his ways because of your blameless behavior. 

Before He wakes up that man in your life, God is going to complete His work in you. He is not going to wake the man up to behold a half-baked cookie. He wants every women to be rooted and grounded in the full understanding of who she was created to be prior to setting her before the eyes of her own Adam. She needs to be equipped to inspire that man to be the man he's suppose to be. *God knows that a complete woman is a force to be reckoned*."

:Rose:


----------



## Maracujá

LovingLady said:


> Hi ladies, I would like to share something that I was reading this morning, it's from the book: "The Power of Femininity"
> 
> Exert: "God made Adam go into deep sleep in order to create woman. He didn't awaken Adam until woman was a complete and finished work. God is waiting for you t become a finished vessel of honor - one capable of being the catalyst to making that man change his ways because of your blameless behavior.
> 
> Before He wakes up that man in your life, God is going to complete His work in you. *He is not going to wake the man up to behold a half-baked cookie.* He wants every women to be rooted and grounded in the full understanding of who she was created to be prior to setting her before the eyes of her own Adam. She needs to be equipped to inspire that man to be the man he's suppose to be. *God knows that a complete woman is a force to be reckoned*."
> 
> :Rose:


 
Thank you for this post! I woke up this morning thinking the exact same  thing with the exact same word of choice (that I borrowed from a Lil Kim rhyme). I've decided that instead of working against Him I should just cooperate with the work He's doing in me.


----------



## Divine.

LovingLady said:


> Hi ladies, I would like to share something that I was reading this morning, it's from the book: "The Power of Femininity"
> 
> Exert: "God made Adam go into deep sleep in order to create woman. He didn't awaken Adam until woman was a complete and finished work. God is waiting for you t become a finished vessel of honor - one capable of being the catalyst to making that man change his ways because of your blameless behavior.
> 
> Before He wakes up that man in your life, God is going to complete His work in you. He is not going to wake the man up to behold a half-baked cookie. He wants every women to be rooted and grounded in the full understanding of who she was created to be prior to setting her before the eyes of her own Adam. She needs to be equipped to inspire that man to be the man he's suppose to be. God knows that a complete woman is a force to be reckoned."
> 
> :Rose:



This is so true! I had to be honest with myself and realize I'm just not ready! Biologically I am, but spiritually I am not where God wants me to be. I'm still in the midst of fully understanding my purpose. That's what's keeping me focused right now.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Divine. said:


> This is so true! I had to be honest with myself and realize I'm just not ready! Biologically I am, but spiritually I am not where God wants me to be. I'm still in the midst of fully understanding my purpose. That's what's keeping me focused right now.



This is definitely me


----------



## sweetvi

“….Why not chase men?  Because men are awesome, competent and brave and they are perfectly capable of doing the chasing and initiating!!  And, when he is the one, he will chase you.  He will want to chase you!..”  www.theveilofchastity.com

Belle Du Jour

I looove her site  although I am no longer Catholic, her teaching transcends religion. love that site thank you


----------



## sweetvi

Stop Chasing Him

http://theveilofchastity.com/2012/09/28/stop-chasing-him/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

sweetvi said:


> I looove her site  although I am no longer Catholic, her teaching transcends religion. love that site thank you



You're welcome!  Her blog is full of SO much wisdom.  I'm glad it's speaking to others too


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This is for somebody 

from Psalm 34:
5 I sought the Lord, and *he answered me*, delivered me from all my fears.
6 Look to Him and *be radiant*, and your faces may not blush for shame
9 Taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the stalwart one who takes refuge in Him.
10 ...*Nothing is lacking* to those who fear Him.
11...those who seek the Lord *lack no good thing*
16 The eyes of the Lord are directed toward the righteous and *His ears toward their cry.*
19. The Lord is *close to the brokenhearted*, saves those whose spirit is crushed.

Do not be discouraged!  I felt a bit of sadness coming on (probably because of the holiday) and God ministered to me through this Psalm.  He hears, sees and knows all.  Pour out your heart to Him.  Submit to His plan for your life today and be grateful for everything--including the suffering--that you have today.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

sweetvi said:


> Stop Chasing Him
> 
> http://theveilofchastity.com/2012/09/28/stop-chasing-him/



And to go along with that, stop chasing him because when the relationship comes from God, it will be easy!

He will make his intentions crystal clear.


----------



## FlyyBohemian

Reminiscing said:


> Hi Ladies,
> 
> A question has been on my mind for a couple weeks now and I just need to get it out... Do you ever feel trapped by the way other people feel about single life?
> 
> My sister got married last year and now she's pregnant with her first child.  Throughout her pregnancy and during her baby shower I've been asked some of the most ridiculous questions, two of the most popular being, "when are you having a baby?" or "so what are you doing about your love life?"  These questions are just dumb to me because what does my sister having a baby have to do with me. Why can't you be happy for her and leave me out of the conversation? I'm not a person who seeks attention.  I really have no problem with everyone wishing her well and giving her gifts while I standby and smile because believe it or not, I AM GENUINELY happy for my sister.  But, every time I've tried to avoid the questions and explain to people "don't worry about me, I'm fine.  Be happy for my sister because I'm happy for her" I'm told that I'm jealous of her and I don't trust that God can bring me a husband.  WHAT???  I don't understand how those conclusions are derived from me encouraging them to be happy for my sister and leave me out of it.  One person even proceeded to run down a list of all the things I'm doing wrong that cause me to still be single.  Smh!  I guess it would've been better if I was just direct and said MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!
> 
> Anyway, what this all made me realize is that not only do we as single women have to deal from time to time with the loneliness of not having a significant other in our life, we also have to deal with the loneliness of keeping our true feelings to ourselves and quite honestly I experience the later much more than the former.  I find myself very limited in what I can talk to people about, including my mom and sister who I'm supposedly very close with.  Any twinge of sadness from me about being single or any questions that may float through my mind about why I'm still waiting, if I dare let any of that out to them, I'm hit with you're jealous or you don't believe.  But I've asked God for wisdom and what I've learned is that it's not that people really think I'm jealous or that I don't believe, it's that non-single people are uncomfortable around single people because as much as they may complain about marriage, they still pity us for being alone.  I'm not saying this is true for everyone but it does apply to a lot of people I encounter.  So what happens is that instead of me being able to express how I feel even in moments when I am sad (notice I say moments because God has blessed with me grace so that I don't ever stay sad) or being able to ignore the dumb questions people so inconsiderately ask, I have to smile and engage in answering just so they feel comfortable and don't burden me down with their inaccurate assumptions.  I have to smile 24/7 no matter how I feel, even if the lack of a smile is due to something other than being single, like my stressful new job or my annoying neighbor or maybe just a bad hair day since believe it or not, being single is NOT on my mind 24/7. I couldn't even explain what I typed here to them if I wanted to because again it would equate to you're jealous and you don't believe.
> 
> Sigh... I wasn't going to post this but I feel in my spirit that someone else here feels trapped by other people's discomfort over their single status.  I just want you to know that you're not alone.  I'm praying for myself and I'm praying for you as well.



I think this is very unfair. A couple years ago I wanted marriage so bad and now I'm not that pressed for it. I know it will happen, but I realized thinking about it made me miserable. I been around people, including a guy I used to deal with who picked up on my new carefree attitude and tried to say stuff to bring me down. A single carefree woman can be very threatening to certain people, including men.


----------



## Rae81

Belle Du Jour said:


> This is for somebody
> 
> from Psalm 34:
> 5 I sought the Lord, and he answered me, delivered me from all my fears.
> 6 Look to Him and be radiant, and your faces may not blush for shame
> 9 Taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the stalwart one who takes refuge in Him.
> 10 ...Nothing is lacking to those who fear Him.
> 11...those who seek the Lord lack no good thing
> 16 The eyes of the Lord are directed toward the righteous and His ears toward their cry.
> 19. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, saves those whose spirit is crushed.
> 
> Do not be discouraged!  I felt a bit of sadness coming on (probably because of the holiday) and God ministered to me through this Psalm.  He hears, sees and knows all.  Pour out your heart to Him.  Submit to His plan for your life today and be grateful for everything--including the suffering--that you have today.



Thanks for this because I have been feeling really down lately

sent from my galaxy


----------



## Maracujá

FlyyBohemian said:


> I think this is very unfair. A couple years ago I wanted marriage so bad and now I'm not that pressed for it. I know it will happen, but I realized thinking about it made me miserable. I been around people, including a guy I used to deal with who picked up on my new carefree attitude and tried to say stuff to bring me down. *A single carefree woman can be very threatening to certain people, including men.*



Oh yes, once they catch up on this, the dishonorable men will try everything to mess up your flow, be vigilant ladies.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

*Do men need our help?* 



> Have you ever had an encountered with a guy who flirts with you but never follows up?  Did you blame yourself?  Where you tempted to follow-up with him in the hopes of it turning into a date?
> 
> It is easy to think that your response to a man’s flirtation is either too enthusiastic or too nonchalant and that i*f you could just strike the perfect balance*, you would secure more dates.  It is also easy to believe that if a man does not follow-up, then it is because he needs your help.
> 
> *We Respond*
> 
> Emotional Chastity includes the understanding that the responsibility for the initiation, follow-up and pursuit lies on the man.  As the girl, your job is only to respond. So, what is the best way to respond to those initial flirtations by men?  What is the fine line between a proper, balanced response and ‘helping’ the man?  Does he even need your help?...
> 
> Emotional Chastity begins with the belief that you can trust God and that He has a plan for your life and for your vocation.  Once you have this belief, you will have peace. This peace will guide you in all your actions and responses to men.  *It will free you from the belief that you have to help men.*



This post was a good one.  Read it here: http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/05/30/do-men-need-help/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

“To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, *he has to become worthy of her*. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, and goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” – Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Raise your standards: http://worthyofagape.com/2013/05/27/raise-your-standards/


----------



## Maracujá

^^ I read that a few days ago and really liked it too!


----------



## stephluv

Belle Du Jour said:


> *Do men need our help?*
> 
> 
> 
> This post was a good one. Read it here: http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/05/30/do-men-need-help/


 

Belle Du Jour I was just going to post this...its sooo true and was a good read! Its funny how we know we should do but we still want to have control....I have been the one that would help a little too much in the past and then be hurt when it didnt work out I'm realizing that by submitting and being obedient to God I am still IN Control....of my emotions!! 

Last night I met a gentleman and usually I would leave with a # but I realize that if he really wanted to take it further he would pursue...so reading this today made me very pleased with my decision to keep it moving


----------



## LifeafterLHCF

It's going to be pure joy to learn about marriage in my church. My home group and the single guy group are pairing up for the summer to do a marriage study. I don't see anyone that I would be checking for but it's great info. The husband of the couple that is running the program said those of you who have horrid experiences of marriage and don't have parents to rely on will have alot of work ahead. I know that is me soo much. I am very candid last night which is me all the time so they already know what the biz is. I will share info I think is really good to you ladies if you care to read. I don't want to bore folks with my christian experience.


----------



## Incognitus

I met the man I thought (still think) was perfect for me. He possesses every attribute I've every prayed about. Everything I had on the list I made years ago. Everything I thought about my FH possessing. From significant matters to _minute _details (and no, _not_ all about looks). I don't get it. It's like my list, my thoughts, my prayers were the guide for creating this man...lol. Yet, he is _seemingly _out of reach. My dream man in the flesh, yet I cannot have him. It stinks!! 

But then I think, is this the Father showing me that he CAN give me the desires of my heart...but I have to be ready??? It almost hurts....I feel like I did this to myself. Does that make sense? Kind of like I'm blocking  my own blessings....


----------



## LovingLady

Incognitus said:


> I met the man I thought (still think) was perfect for me. He possesses every attribute I've every prayed about. Everything I had on the list I made years ago. Everything I thought about my FH possessing. From significant matters to _minute _details (and no, _not_ all about looks). I don't get it. It's like my list, my thoughts, my prayers were the guide for creating this man...lol. Yet, he is _seemingly _out of reach. *My dream man in the flesh, yet I cannot have him. It stinks!! *
> 
> *But then I think, is this the Father showing me that he CAN give me the desires of my heart...but I have to be ready??? It almost hurts....I feel like I did this to myself*. Does that make sense? Kind of like I'm blocking  my own blessings....



Incognitus I completely understand how you feel. 

The longer we delay in walking with God, the longer He will withhold our desires. 

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

When the enemy starts to fill your mind with doubt/worry/fear/confusion it causes you to lose focus on what is really important, being the amazing women God has called you to be. When this occurs, start worshiping, play some christian music, or read some scriptures. Do anything that will get you centered back with God. 

As for blessings, God only hands them out when we are mature enough to receive them, He will not give you something that will destroy you. A car is only a blessing if you know how to drive it.


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

I’m done listening to the “I’m not ready line” when it comes to God answering our prayers for a husband. Is anyone ever ready to be married or to become a parent? No matter how much you prepare you end up facing challenges that you will have to figure out how to deal with. I’m in my 30s and I desire to be married, do I think I am ready 100%? No I don’t’ but I know I would be a good wife and would continue to put God first.

 I am not looking for anyone who is not saved but someone who is equally yoked like me and that can grow spiritually with me. I recently had an epiphany after a sermon I was listening to and I am applying that to my life.  I used to pray to be married everyday but at the same time I used to have doubts that it would happen anytime soon.  My mistake was that I was not having faith. I was questioning can God give me what I was really asking for? Do I deserve what I am asking for? Faith is very powerful ladies. It will open doors but we have to truly have it. I’ve had faith in other things in life that always turned out just the way I asked for. But when it came to men I fantasized about, what I wanted and asked for,  deep inside I was afraid how I would handle it. Could I handle this perfect man I’ve asked God to send me? I’m not perfect so why would he send me someone who is? All these doubts interfere with my faith. Leaving me vulnerable and settling for men who did not even deserve my time. 

Read this verse 1 John ch. 5 vs. 14 

 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

This is a very powerful verse. When you ask God for something he hears you! You don’t need to continue to beg and cry for a husband. God already heard the first prayer as long is was prayed with faith. Now you need to claim the husband that God has for you. Start kneeling down and saying Thank You God for the husband you are preparing for me please continue to work within him and bless are meeting when it happens within your will. Say thank you for your future husband every day do not continue to pray for God to send him because he is already on his way! Now God works on his time not ours so he may be on his way but it may take weeks, months or years. Part of having faith is being patient. For those who did not pray in faith before for the husband please do so tonight and going forward say thank you to God for hearing your prayer and for preparing that husband. Believe me I know this may be a challenge but I believe it will work. 

Also keep yourself busy with Gods work. If you were not involved in any church activities get involved. If you are not in any ministry at church doing his work within the church get involved! Woman who make themselves visible usually get noticed by eligible suitors. Praying and reading the bible daily are what you should do as well. I have been reading a chapter daily just to nourish my brain and keep it off of negative things. The only way you will learn the word is by reading the bible because that is where Gods instructions lie and where you will get your guidance. Not this site, not friends but in the word is where God will speak to you. I am applying what I’ve stated in this forum and mark my words I will have met my husband by the end of this year. The type of husband that I'v prayed about because God will not give us less than what we ask for. He may give us equal or more but never less! So never settle!  As long as I put God first and have faith he will answer my prayer and he can do the same for you all.


----------



## nubiennze

Kinkyhairlady said:


> You don’t need to continue to beg and cry for a husband. God already heard the first prayer as long is was prayed with faith.



Girrrrrrl... 

I've had some thoughts along these lines, but as you so eloquently pointed out, this site is not His word, so I've been trying to limit my time here and eliminate unnecessary interference from (_all_) external sources.

I'll be back to elaborate more once I get off work.


----------



## Maracujá

There's a new post on The Veil of Chastity, this part in particular spoke to me the most:



> I have to laugh at myself as I write this post about smiling.  It seems so corny and I, of all people, should proceed with caution when encouraging others to smile.  Why?  Because when I was single, complete male strangers would occasionally say to me, “Smile, it’s not that bad!”
> 
> My response was always a squinty-eyed version of “Leave me alone.”  It used to get on my nerves and every guy who said it seemed to be a Creeper.  You see, I was often lost in deep thought and it resulted in me having, not so much of a frown, but a pensive look on my face. So, I guess these guys would feel compelled to ‘cheer me up.’ It didn’t work.
> 
> Looking back though, I realize that they were just trying to get my attention and flirt with me.  They were harmless.
> 
> Has this ever happened to you?  Did it get on your nerves?  If so, don’t worry.  I am not going to tell you to “Smile at the world.”  But, I will hopefully convince you that your smile is all you need when flirting with men.



She has just described me to a T! Is anyone else here guilty of this? I'm always lost in my thoughts, people always tell me I look too serious and I have 'don't mess with me' attitude. Surprisingly, this is the same advice my sister who is an atheist gave me: to smile more.


----------



## stephluv

GoddessMaker said:


> It's going to be pure joy to learn about marriage in my church. My home group and the single guy group are pairing up for the summer to do a marriage study. I don't see anyone that I would be checking for but it's great info. The husband of the couple that is running the program said those of you who have horrid experiences of marriage and don't have parents to rely on will have alot of work ahead. I know that is me soo much. I am very candid last night which is me all the time so they already know what the biz is. I will share info I think is really good to you ladies if you care to read. I don't want to bore folks with my christian experience.


 

@GoddessMaker - please do share! even if you think it might not help anyone...remember this just a forum but we all have our own battles we fight privately! I know i would love to read on what you have learned as I dont have any great *Christian* marriage examples in my family and yes I mean none!  sorry uncle lol




Kinkyhairlady said:


> I am not looking for anyone who is not saved but someone who is equally yoked like me and that can grow spiritually with me. I recently had an epiphany after a sermon I was listening to and I am applying that to my life. I used to pray to be married everyday but at the same time I used to have doubts that it would happen anytime soon. My mistake was that I was not having faith. I was questioning can God give me what I was really asking for? Do I deserve what I am asking for? Faith is very powerful ladies. It will open doors but we have to truly have it. I’ve had faith in other things in life that always turned out just the way I asked for. But when it came to men I fantasized about, what I wanted and asked for, deep inside I was afraid how I would handle it. Could I handle this perfect man I’ve asked God to send me? I’m not perfect so why would he send me someone who is? All* these doubts interfere with my faith. Leaving me vulnerable and settling for men who did not even deserve my time*.
> 
> _Read this verse 1 John ch. 5 vs. 14 _
> 
> This is a very powerful verse. When you ask God for something he hears you! You don’t need to continue to beg and cry for a husband. God already heard the first prayer as long is was prayed with faith. Now you need to claim the husband that God has for you.* Start kneeling down and saying Thank You God for the husband you are preparing for me please continue to work within him and bless are meeting when it happens within your will. Say thank you for your future husband every day do not continue to pray for God to send him because he is already on his way! *Now God works on his time not ours so he may be on his way but it may take weeks, months or years. *Part of having faith is being patient.* For those who did not pray in faith before for the husband please do so tonight and going forward say thank you to God for hearing your prayer and for preparing that husband. Believe me I know this may be a challenge but I believe it will work.


 
@Kinkyhairlady Thank you for this...it speaks in volumes what so many of us feel and need to remind ourselves

Cant pray and then worry Cant pray and question Wheres the faith in that? We all should put our pride and concerns as single woman and thank God for the blessings seen and unseen- our Husbands being prepared for us


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Our God rewards people of faith.  Check out Hebrews 11.


----------



## LadyRaider

I went to a bible study at work with a woman who wears a collar as a leader. She said the exact opposite. That God wants you to keep praying about the things you want.  I don't remember the exact context or justification, but it was in a bible study based on prayer and we referenced that verse about if a human father will give you good things if you ask, certainly your heavenly father will.

I always had the attitude that I pray once for something and then, like you said, God heard you the first time, you don't need to keep praying for it. But this conversation made me change my mind about that. She said God wants you to keep coming to him in prayer. 

I remember that it made sense to me in context of you pray every night or every morning (or every two hours.) So you do need to repeat yourself a bit, right? You prayer for your family to be happy and healthy once and then never again?


----------



## Belle Du Jour

LadyRaider said:


> I went to a bible study at work with a woman who wears a collar as a leader. She said the exact opposite. That God wants you to keep praying about the things you want.  I don't remember the exact context or justification, but it was in a bible study based on prayer and we referenced that verse about if a human father will give you good things if you ask, certainly your heavenly father will.
> 
> I always had the attitude that I pray once for something and then, like you said, God heard you the first time, you don't need to keep praying for it. But this conversation made me change my mind about that. She said God wants you to keep coming to him in prayer.
> 
> I remember that it made sense to me in context of you pray every night or every morning (or every two hours.) So you do need to repeat yourself a bit, right? You prayer for your family to be happy and healthy once and then never again?



Maybe she was referring to the widow of Nain who kept petitioning the Judge (who represents God).  She was persistent until he honored her request.  I know that I pray for things multiple times but I always try to thank God for what He is doing and ask for more faith/hope/trust.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This story lifted my spirits this morning: 



> Warrior-Poet Meets God-Written Love Story
> 
> Ben Zornes is our Dean of Men and worship leader here at Ellerslie Training. He and Elsje will be married in January 2012 on the Ellerslie campus. Their testimony proves once more that God indeed is in the business of scripting amazing love stories, when we are willing to leave the pen completely in His hands. May you be richly encouraged in reading about what God has done in Ben's life this past year.
> 
> 1. You recently became engaged. Can you tell us a little bit about how God brought you together?
> 
> Ironically, the way God brought us together goes completely against the grain of the modern model of instant indulgence. Most of the time, if a guy sees a girl he likes, he does backflips to try to get her attention. God would allow no such behavior from me as this relationship began to form. In my situation, you could almost say that rather than bring us together, God led us to avoid each other for a season. When Elsje and I first met it was in the context of the Ellerslie training (she as a student, myself as a staff member). As my heart was drawn to her, I realized that I needed to limit interaction with her and do absolutely nothing to pursue her in order to protect the sacredness of the Ellerslie environment, and to guard her from being distracted by me. A guy showing and expressing interest, whether the girl desires it or not, has the potent capacity to be a massive distraction. When she returned home, I had no clue of any interest on her end, and I came to find out that she had no inkling of my desires or intentions. One other thing I should probably mention is, the fact that she returned home added a huge layer of impossibility because she is from South Africa. Thus, for the first six to eight months of our acquaintance – unknown to the other – God led us both to die to the desire and the hope of anything taking place between us, and to simply trust Him with our most intimate longings.
> 
> After months of silence, the only way open to me was to petition God to open the door. I knew that the risk in a relationship should fall upon the shoulders of the man, and God had clearly hallmarked her as the one He had designed for me, yet there was no clear way to begin initiating interaction without making her feel rather awkward. Thus, I invited my family to join me in praying that God would open a door of honorable communication. At the time it seemed like a massive long shot, but I knew God had given me the confidence to hope only in Him. I had no clue of her interest, we had spent such a ridiculously small amount of time in any sort of interaction, she lived half way around the world, and I had no idea if some swanky, South African hunk had already swept her off her feet. But, as I and my family began praying, God literally opened a miraculous door. For the first time ever, she responded to one of the weekly Alumni emails that I sent out to all the Ellerslie alumni. Before I began pouring forth my heart to her, I waited and didn’t respond to her immediately, even though the door had opened. Instead, I consulted with my friend and mentor, Eric, and with his wisdom and my parents’ counsel and oversight, I began corresponding with her. Over the following weeks, it became evident that God had stirred both of our hearts for the other. Once I obtained the blessing of her father to pursue, woo, and win her heart, God led us through a rather peculiar long-distance relationship overseen by our parents; it culminated in the most beautiful night on earth, which found me alone with a girl for the first time in my life, getting down on one knee, uttering words I’d never spoken to any other girl: “I love you (in both English and Afrikaans), will you marry me?” And with incandescent happiness she said, “Yes.”



Read the rest here: http://dev.setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/11-1-11/warrior-poet-meets-god-written-love-story


----------



## LadyRaider

Belle Du Jour said:


> Maybe she was referring to the widow of Nain who kept petitioning the Judge (who represents God).  She was persistent until he honored her request.  I know that I pray for things multiple times but I always try to thank God for what He is doing and ask for more faith/hope/trust.



Yes. I think you are right. She did say God wants us to be persistent. Now that I think about it, that's the story she referenced in the bible study.


----------



## nubiennze

Belle Du Jour said:


> I know that I pray for things multiple times but I always try to thank God for what He is doing and ask for more faith/hope/trust.



 I also think there's a difference between maintaining open communication with God and "praying and worrying." I know I have to catch myself saying/thinking things like "I'm probably never going to get married anyway." What's the point of continually commissioning God for something you don't _really_ believe He can/will do? I think that's what lends itself to the "begging" to which Kinkyhairlady referred, which is indicative of a lack of faith.

As Belle Du Jour mentioned, I find it productive to pray for the strengthening of my faith so that I'll be in a position to receive what He has in store. To be prepared and made into the woman who will attract the type of man I desire. I learn a little more about what I want out of my life and marriage every day, so this rarely becomes redundant or rehearsed. If anything, it evidences that He truly does hear and answer via revelation/intercession.


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

LadyRaider said:


> I went to a bible study at work with a woman who wears a collar as a leader. She said the exact opposite. That God wants you to keep praying about the things you want.  I don't remember the exact context or justification, but it was in a bible study based on prayer and we referenced that verse about if a human father will give you good things if you ask, certainly your heavenly father will.
> 
> I always had the attitude that I pray once for something and then, like you said, God heard you the first time, you don't need to keep praying for it. But this conversation made me change my mind about that. She said God wants you to keep coming to him in prayer.
> 
> I remember that it made sense to me in context of you pray every night or every morning (or every two hours.) So you do need to repeat yourself a bit, right? You prayer for your family to be happy and healthy once and then never again?



I used to think the way you do but then I realized continuing to ask for something is like you don't fully believe he heard you before. Take this scenario... If you have a child that ask for a Barbie every single day. You heard her and plan on getting it for her but she continues to ask. You may have multiple reasons why you have not gotten it for her but she does not see that she just thinks you did not hear her the first time. As a parent how would you feel? You would wonder how much faith your own kid has in you. You tell her you will get it for her yet she continues to ask. She does not have faith in you. That is how God sees it.

 If you have faith you don't have to continue to ask just thank him cause its already done if its in his will. If its not in his will still say thanks cause he protected you. 

 I pray for protection every day for myself and family. I know God hears me but like giving thanks daily I ask for protection daily before I go out into the world. I def give thanks more than asking for things daily. You can ask for something daily but why are you asking for it daily if you believe it's on it's way? Shouldn't you be patiently waiting and giving thanks?


----------



## Divine.

Hey ladies. So today I was listening to this sermon by Paul Washer about being ready for a relationship. I know we all probably fantasize about our wedding day and finally being able to spend the rest our lives with someone, but this sermon really helped to define what marriage should be. Most of our desires to be married are selfish. We want to be married to this person because he's funny, he's attractive, or he makes us feel good. But all of these desires are selfish. What happens when those same characteristics fade over time? When we no longer want to be around this person? None of these selfish desires should be the foundation of a marriage. This person should be able to lead and hold together a family. Marriage should ultimately help to complete God's will for your life. 

What's so great about this sermon is that he is speaking to men. He goes over how a man knows he's ready to pursue a relationship. We should make sure our men have reached these levels before pursuing a relationship. I will post the link once I find it. It's a great sermon.

The more I learn about God centered relationships, the more I'm learning that marriage and relationships are not about us. They're about glorifying God. We have to consistently die to our fleshly desires. I want to do this relationship thing His way, but it's definitely a challenge!

ETA: Link to sermon


----------



## sweetvi

Interesting answer on why they chose to be celibate

http://youtu.be/k5GmggASwwA


----------



## sweetvi

Divine.

I listened to it all.  He is amazingggggggggggggg.  Wow!


----------



## sweetvi

Beautiful Christian Love Story....

http://youtu.be/hAeDwQXI2fQ


----------



## Rae81

^^^ I watched that video the other day and loved it

sent from my galaxy


----------



## Divine.

I hope I'm not the only one still single around these parts


----------



## luthiengirlie

Divine. said:


> I hope I'm not the only one still single around these parts



Still single here


----------



## LovingLady

I am here with you.


----------



## Maracujá

No worries Divine. still single here lol


----------



## BrandNew

Still here...


----------



## Divine.

Just making sure I wasn't alone 

Stay encouraged ladies! Some days are harder than others, but by keeping myself busy I haven't really had time to think about it. I actually felt at peace the other day. It was so nice. 

I just wanted to check up on you guys to see how you're doing


----------



## LovingLady

Everything is going well, I am just enjoying the peace and quiet. One day I am going to have a man in my face and then I will be begging for alone time.


----------



## softblackcotton

Ever since I have decided to seriously live my life for God, I've lost close "friends", social life, any sense of fun, I constantly feel crushing boredom, down, and like I am just going through the motions of each day. I wonder if I am really saved sometimes because shouldn't I be happy and joyful? Where is the joy and peace that is promised?  I never cried so much as I have cried this year and I constantly feel lonely even surrounded by people.  I deep down I know that isn't true but I just can't shake the nagging blue feelings that have been popping up so frequently. This doesn't make sense because I meditate on The Word everyday and I pray constantly throughout the day but I still am bombarded with negative thoughts and feelings. Does anybody relate?


----------



## Divine.

softblackcotton said:


> Ever since I have decided to seriously live my life for God, I've lost close "friends", social life, any sense of fun, I constantly feel crushing boredom, down, and like I am just going through the motions of each day. I wonder if I am really saved sometimes because shouldn't I be happy and joyful? Where is the joy and peace that is promised? I never cried so much as I have cried this year and I constantly feel lonely even surrounded by people. I deep down I know that isn't true but I just can't shake the nagging blue feelings that have been popping up so frequently. This doesn't make sense because I meditate on The Word everyday and I pray constantly throughout the day but I still am bombarded with negative thoughts and feelings. Does anybody relate?


 
Omg! LCHF logged me out and totally erased my response! Hopefully I can remember what I wrote 

Anyways, I understand what you're going through. I am currently going through the same thing. I have lost a lot of my friends and I do not have a social life. Boredom has been striking me very frequently. And when I have all that time, I start to think about my circumstances. Because of that I decided to get more involved in church and volunteer on the weekends so I don't have too much idle time on my hands. 

Just because you're feeling down doesn't mean you're not saved  God never promised that the life of a Christian was going to be all sunshine and rainbows. There are gonna be days where things go wrong. There are gonna be days where you feel like God is so far away. But Joyce Meyer said it best: it matters the most how you act during these times. 

Despite your circumstances, there's always a reason to praise God. Sometimes God tests us to see if we will still have faith in Him even during the bad days. And trust, I have had several bad days  But I look ahead and praise him for what He will do in my life. I have wanted to give up, but God always shows me that he is faithful. He will never forsake me.

Spend some quiet time with Him and pour your heart out! Tell Him why you're unhappy. Tell him everything that's bothering you. I do this all the time. I'd rather vent to God than to anyone else. Ask, Lord, what do you want me to learn from all of this? Is there possibly something else that's hindering my progression? Hindsight is 20/20 so there's always something to be learned from your trials. 

Keep pressing into the Lord and he will give you your answers


----------



## sweetvi

^^^^^^Great answer

PLUS my two friends went through the same thing and are now happily married.  You have to pray because this is spiritual warfare.  The enemy uses these tactics to get us off course and not fulfill our destiny because even THE ENEMY knows that God is in the process of delivering something GREAT!. He wants you to doubt, lose faith, and backside.  Don't give in to this.

I was told by my friends that they got active, memorized scriptures and used it whenever you feel an attack (emotionally, mentally,etc). They prayed and most importantly spent time with God and also got busy in his ministry.  Volunteering is a great distraction 

softblackcotton


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

LovingLady said:


> Everything is going well, I am just enjoying the peace and quiet. One day I am going to have a man in my face and then I will be begging for alone time.



Lol. This is true ladies. I not married yet but seeing someone and its getting serious. I'm already wanting alone time cause he always wants to see me and talk to me. I'm just drained trim work and school that half the time I just want to nap and not deal with him. Smh


----------



## Divine.

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Lol. This is true ladies. I not married yet but seeing someone and its getting serious. I'm already wanting alone time cause he always wants to see me and talk to me. I'm just drained trim work and school that half the time I just want to nap and not deal with him. Smh



Well you can't say God didn't answer your prayers  I'm learning to cherish my single days because I know marriage is hard work.


----------



## Maracujá

I'm so much more consistent with reading The Bible this year, so happy about that. I'm highlighting the passages that really speak to me so that once I finish reading it I can reread it again, study and meditate on it. Yesterday I celebrated my 28th birthday, I usually organize something to do for my birthday but this year my sister and friends surprised me, it was very nice! It reminded me that this is the time to work on those relationships, to enjoy getting to know me and being carefree.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracuja Happy birthday!!!  You look exactly like my friend in the States--it's scary!!!  Are you Nigerian LOL?  You have a twin   Hope you have a blessed year.


----------



## sweetvi

Happy Birthdayyyyyy!!!


----------



## LovingLady

Thank you Divine. and sweetvi, for the love and support, you ladies gave some great advice. 

Happy Birthday Maracujá!!!

dance7::birthday2


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Another testimony about God's faithfulness:
Engagement
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye9HM8KTycQ
Wedding
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jV4E6tNneEk
Where she was a year before getting engaged
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orbfMuo9pzA

Another YT user:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h63uTLNPAIY


----------



## sweetvi

belle_du_jour

you always find the good stuff lol

Thanks!


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> Maracuja Happy birthday!!!  *You look exactly like my friend in the States--it's scary!!!  Are you Nigerian LOL?  You have a twin*   Hope you have a blessed year.



Thank you ladies for the birthday well wishes! belle_Du_Jour: Really? Now you've got me curious to see a pic of her lol. I'm not Nigerian though, I'm Angolan.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Thanks sweetvi   It's because I often need to encourage myself so I start looking and find these things LOL  

Yes Maracuja you really do favor.  Same smile too.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Emily Stimpson, a well-respected singles author, recently gave an awesome interview on EWTN's Life on the Rock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqjiI_Nqbls

Her book, The Catholic Girl's Survival Guide for the Single Years is a great resource.  Even if you aren't Catholic there is a lot of info to glean from this book.  IMO, it's the Catholic version of Finally the Bride (except Stimpson, unlike Cheryl McKay, is still single).


----------



## momi

Belle Du Jour said:


> “To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, *he has to become worthy of her*. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, and goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” – Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
> 
> Raise your standards: http://worthyofagape.com/2013/05/27/raise-your-standards/



I have been looking for this quote for the last 5 years. 

Thank you!


----------



## momi

Divine. said:


> Hey ladies. So today I was listening to this sermon by Paul Washer about being ready for a relationship. I know we all probably fantasize about our wedding day and finally being able to spend the rest our lives with someone, but this sermon really helped to define what marriage should be. Most of our desires to be married are selfish. We want to be married to this person because he's funny, he's attractive, or he makes us feel good. But all of these desires are selfish. What happens when those same characteristics fade over time? When we no longer want to be around this person? None of these selfish desires should be the foundation of a marriage. This person should be able to lead and hold together a family. Marriage should ultimately help to complete God's will for your life.
> 
> What's so great about this sermon is that he is speaking to men. He goes over how a man knows he's ready to pursue a relationship. We should make sure our men have reached these levels before pursuing a relationship. I will post the link once I find it. It's a great sermon.
> *
> The more I learn about God centered relationships, the more I'm learning that marriage and relationships are not about us. They're about glorifying God. We have to consistently die to our fleshly desires. I want to do this relationship thing His way, but it's definitely a challenge!
> *
> ETA: Link to sermon



Exactly - there is so much truth in this statement.  

Only the Father knows the end from the beginning - Our desires have to line up with His will and His plan for our lives to the end that His purposes are fulfilled. 
_
It was such a burden lifter when I finally began to understand that our marriage had very little to do with us and our "happiness or completeness" but about what we are able to accomplish for His glory and to add to His kingdom._ Which is why it is SO very vital to make certain that we are led by God when considering marriage. 

Our "happiness" is merely a by-product that comes from our obedience... God gets the glory because His work is being accomplished - we just happen to enjoy the benefits.


----------



## nlamr2013

Reading through this thread so much amazing info


----------



## Belle Du Jour

momi said:


> _It was such a burden lifter when I finally began to understand that our marriage had very little to do with us and our "happiness or completeness" but about what we are able to accomplish for His glory and to add to His kingdom._ Which is why it is SO very vital to make certain that we are led by God when considering marriage.
> 
> *Our "happiness" is merely a by-product that comes from our obedience...* God gets the glory because His work is being accomplished - we just happen to enjoy the benefits.



Dang, I just got spiritually _checked_.  My singleness *today *is a part of God's will.  I need to be embracing it instead of trying to run away from it.  David talked a lot about delighting in doing God's will and being obedient to His commandments.  I tend to think in terms of the "big" commandments i.e. no lying, killing, stealing, fornicating, etc.  But what about being still, trusting Him and being content with what He's given me?  He promises to give me my "daily bread" and enough grace to deal with today's troubles.  I think if I could learn to live day-to-day and not worry about growing old alone in 20 years, I could be a lot happier.

Thanks momi and divine


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> I think if I could learn to live day-to-day and not worry about growing old alone in 20 years, I could be a lot happier.



Exactly :nod:

You have to learn to be happy without all the extra fluff. Your friends, job, boyfriend, or money can't make you happy.  In order to obtain true happiness, you have to grow to be content with just God. Being single has become easier for me because I don't look at relationships as a cure all for my problems. I  actually learned that I have way bigger problems to deal with than being bothered with a guy right now 

So let's start finding happiness in God and not in our circumstances!


----------



## sweetvi

Belle Du Jour

This was nice...

http://youtu.be/lFon14QjmFw


----------



## sweetvi

here is the groom's blog

http://www.jordanlrice.com/


----------



## foxee

Still single!  I'm not really putting myself out there, though.  I'm self employed and my business has really taken off so I'm putting all my energy into that.  

All the men I've encounter lately just stare, but don't approach.  Years ago that would really bother me, but I can't muster up the strength to care.


----------



## sweetvi

foxee

That's because your foxee :Flahsssss


----------



## foxee

sweetvi  Awww, thanks!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

sweetvi thanks for sharing such an awesome story


----------



## Maracujá

We've been studying about love and its nemesis fear at my church since january 2013. Yesterday my pastor highlighted several passages in The Bible that speak about love so of course we got to 1 Cor 13:4. He read each definition that God gives of love, paused and explained what it meant, because of this I came to understand it in a new way. The first definition God gives of love is patience and it hit me, as single women we can exercise our patience in a way that married people can't. What greater way to show our love for God but through the first definition that He gives Himself? I've got work to do.


----------



## mscurly

sweetvi said:


> @Belle Du Jour
> 
> This was nice...
> 
> http://youtu.be/lFon14QjmFw


 


Wow I just LOVE hearing othr peoples testimony it always gives me such hope. Keep em coming.

It's amazing what God can do if we only trust him. Love after tragedy. God truly has a purpose and a plan. I am slowly learning to let go stop trying to write my own love story and let God do his thing. Trust that he has something amazing for all of us ladies.


----------



## LovingLady

Divine. said:


> Exactly :nod:
> 
> You have to learn to be happy without all the extra fluff. Your friends, job, boyfriend, or money can't make you happy.  *In order to obtain true happiness, you have to grow to be content with just God.* Being single has become easier for me because I don't look at relationships as a cure all for my problems. I  actually learned that I have way bigger problems to deal with than being bothered with a guy right now
> 
> So let's start finding happiness in God and not in our circumstances!



I have heard this before, but the way you phrased it shed new light on it.  



sweetvi said:


> @Belle Du Jour
> 
> This was nice...
> 
> http://youtu.be/lFon14QjmFw



Their story is so powerful, I just love it.


----------



## Maracujá

Perhaps someone else besides me needs to be reminded of this: don't let other people point out the blessings in your life without you taking notice of them first. I walk around with a spirit of grief every single day (hardly ever smiling) simply because my life has not unfolded as I wished/planned. In the process I've received some of the best life lessons ever but I'm still not satisfied. I hardly have any debt, I'm able to work part time so I can work on my passions and still not lack food, I have a supporting family and great friends...but instead I keep focusing on how my life is not deemed successful based on the world's terms. By doing this I make it seem as if God has not blessed me when He really has in ways I can't even find the words for, other people are the ones who see it all the time, it's time I started to take notice aswell.


----------



## stephluv

Just lonely I'm putting a time limit on my on love life and it's eating at me Don't want to be that bitter woman I just turned 28 a wk ago and everyone's acting like I turned 40 Gi e feeling like a late bloomer


----------



## sweetvi

stephluv  please don't do what I did at that age and jump at any guy who showed interest in me. I rather you be lonely for now than having to go through rejection, heartbreak and hopelessness. This feeling shall pass and when you look back several years later, you will laugh and wonder why you ever doubted God.

Happy Belated Bday


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

stephluv said:


> Just lonely I'm putting a time limit on my on love life and it's eating at me Don't want to be that bitter woman I just turned 28 a wk ago and everyone's acting like I turned 40 Gi e feeling like a late bloomer



Girl youre a baby!! You have plenty of time.


----------



## MrsHaseeb

sweetvi said:


> stephluv  please don't do what I did at that age and jump at any guy who showed interest in me. I rather you be lonely for now than having to go through rejection, heartbreak and hopelessness. This feeling shall pass and when you look back several years later, you will laugh and wonder why you ever doubted God.
> 
> Happy Belated Bday



You're older than 28?? For some reason I thought you were around my age. (I'm 28 too)


----------



## stephluv

sweetvi & pre_medicalrulz Thank you for the words of encouragement I am trying to wait for God's timing It's not easy but I'd rather wait even it's for a few yrs then rush and be unhappy in a few yrs instead I just wish I had more of a singl Christian women support team It feels like its me and either the mothers of the church or the teenagers now lol


----------



## sweetvi

MrsHaseeb

Yes maam! I am slightlyy older, but in the early thirties. I do look young however according to people who I reveal my age too.  It is so funny you say that, because I thought you were older!!  LOL

why did you think I was younger?


----------



## MrsHaseeb

sweetvi said:


> MrsHaseeb
> 
> Yes maam! I am slightlyy older, but in the early thirties. I do look young however according to people who I reveal my age too.  It is so funny you say that, because I thought you were older!!  LOL
> 
> why did you think I was younger?



I don't know,  lol. You know how you kinda have someone pictured in your mind and when you see them they don't look the way you thought. Its kinda like that


----------



## Belle Du Jour

My heart is so heavy after Trayvon Martin's killer was set free.  My God, is it even right to bring children into this hateful world?    Sorry, don't mean to destroy the positive vibes going on here but I'm just re-thinking everything.  Maybe being alone and at peace with myself isn't such a horrible way to live. . .

ETA: I rebuke that spirit of despair in the name of Jesus.  I had to rebuke the devil real good while working out on the elliptical this morning.  Fortunately, I was in the gym in my apt building by myself


----------



## Divine.

Today I was checked by the Holy Spirit. I recently did a fast to gain clarity on a relationship I was clinging onto and boy did I receive that in a big way! I felt like today's message in church was just for me. It was entitled "The Jonah in Us." Basically it was discussing how we go the opposite direction when God tells us to do something (which is what Jonah did when God told him he was to speak to the Assyrians). 

The reason why it touched me is because I knew that God was telling to me to shut this relationship down to focus on Him. However I have been doing the total opposite. I have been keeping this thing on life support  The more I try to "fix" it, the worse it gets. It's like God is purposely not letting this relationship work my way.

For weeks I had this knot in my stomach and today I realized it was the Holy Spirit giving me my answer all along. I have not felt any peace since this guy has come back into my life. I would have some one day, then the next it was shattered. Ironically, I felt the most at peace when he wasn't there!

I didn't want to do it but I have to be obedient to what God is telling me. I need to be still. I need to just let Him work. I have no clue what this means for me and this guy but that shouldn't be my concern. God needs my attention right now. 

So moral of the story: If you ever feel that knot in your stomach, listen to it!


----------



## Maracujá

You and I are not created to be somebody's mistress or wifey, playing house, giving our goodies away like they’re a down payment on a ring that, most of the time, never comes. - Ashley Peterson


----------



## luthiengirlie

Ladies I an not giving up.. I am doing the Messianic preparation for marriage right now.. But.. I keep Him at the forefront...
We are many to be with someone that we can minister to the world with


----------



## Belle Du Jour

luthiengirlie said:


> Ladies I an not giving up.. I am doing the Messianic preparation for marriage right now.. But.. I keep Him at the forefront...
> We are many to be with someone that we can minister to the world with



What is Messianic preparation luthiengirlie ?


----------



## stephluv

Maracujá said:


> You and I are not created to be somebody's mistress or wifey, playing house, giving our goodies away like they’re a down payment on a ring that, most of the time, never comes. - Ashley Peterson


 
Preach!! ^5 I made it to yr ladies....i know its not long but umm yea I wasnt exactly virgin mary prior 

Where are the success stories?!! We have to encourage ourselves...its tough I know and there is nothing wrong with falling down...but you gotta get back up agian and keep pushing, striving,  and believing!! mustard seed of faith women mustard seed of faith


----------



## Divine.

stephluv said:


> Preach!! ^5 I made it to yr ladies....i know its not long but umm yea I wasnt exactly virgin mary prior
> 
> Where are the success stories?!! We have to encourage ourselves...its tough I know and there is nothing wrong with falling down...but you gotta get back up agian and keep pushing, striving,  and believing!! mustard seed of faith women mustard seed of faith



One year over here as well lol The Lord knows my struggle  I honestly can't believe it. In a world where giving up the goods is the standard, a year is an accomplishment.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Belle Du Jour said:


> What is Messianic preparation @luthiengirlie ?


 

Belle Du Jour it's what Hassadah/Esther went through
 another major aspect is that it is custom to prepare a tallit/prayer shawl for your future husband which is what i'm in the process of doing right now..  and Abba also has me writing poems and love letters AND praying in advance for him


----------



## luthiengirlie

stephluv said:


> Preach!! ^5 I made it to yr ladies....i know its not long but umm yea I wasnt exactly virgin mary prior
> 
> Where are the success stories?!! We have to encourage ourselves...its tough I know and there is nothing wrong with falling down...but you gotta get back up agian and keep pushing, striving, and believing!! mustard seed of faith women mustard seed of faith


 

it's been about 8 years for me..  and it has not been easy.. but it has been worth it.. I have GROWN SO MUCH as a person in these 8 years.. healing...  growing learning loving YAH and others stephluv


----------



## Belle Du Jour

luthiengirlie said:


> Belle Du Jour it's what Hassadah/Esther went through
> another major aspect is that it is custom to prepare a tallit/prayer shawl for your future husband which is what i'm in the process of doing right now..  and Abba also has me writing poems and love letters AND praying in advance for him



Very interesting!  I started praying for him again (I had stopped after getting discouraged).  I'd like to learn more about the tallit/prayer shawl.  That sounds like a cool tradition.    Thanks for sharing!


----------



## luthiengirlie

I admit there is a, fear I'm having that if I hope and pray and prepare again and it didn't come to past I'll be devestatedbeen eight years.. Thats why I do disengaged it was beginning to hurt too much and it was taking my focus off if YHWH


----------



## stephluv

Divine. said:


> One year over here as well lol The Lord knows my struggle  I honestly can't believe it. In a world where giving up the goods is the standard, a year is an accomplishment.


 
@Divine.- aww I missed this post CONGRATS!!! WE DID IT!!!! I really dont think ppl realize how difficult this can be esp in the society we are in now....I pressures come from both men and women, even aclaimed children of God who think committing fornication with their fiance is ok cause "we gonna get married soon" GIRL BYE! still have alot to work on but now I can say I was able to get to a yr and not live under a rock to do it lol



luthiengirlie said:


> I admit there is a, fear I'm having that if I hope and pray and prepare again and it didn't come to past I'll be devestatedbeen eight years.. Thats why I do disengaged it was beginning to hurt too much and it was taking my focus off if YHWH


 
luthiengirlie - thats all the enemy....and i know the feeling....going to pray for you my friend


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Silent sins. . .from Heather Lindsey's blog::

http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com/2013/07/silent-sins-masturbation-pornography.html


----------



## nlamr2013

luthiengirlie said:


> it's been about 8 years for me..  and it has not been easy.. but it has been worth it.. I have GROWN SO MUCH as a person in these 8 years.. healing...  growing learning loving YAH and others stephluv





Divine. said:


> One year over here as well lol The Lord knows my struggle  I honestly can't believe it. In a world where giving up the goods is the standard, a year is an accomplishment.





stephluv said:


> Preach!! ^5 I made it to yr ladies....i know its not long but umm yea I wasnt exactly virgin mary prior
> 
> Where are the success stories?!! We have to encourage ourselves...its tough I know and there is nothing wrong with falling down...but you gotta get back up agian and keep pushing, striving,  and believing!! mustard seed of faith women mustard seed of faith



Congrats on your celibacy ladies! Ill pray for your continued strength and self control! 

My mom and I were talking yesterday about my future hubby and so weird and crazy that without me telling her my mom described(spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally) the guy I saw for myself. I fell like that's confirmation and I need to start praying for him now.


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> Silent sins. . .from Heather Lindsey's blog::
> 
> http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com/2013/07/silent-sins-masturbation-pornography.html



Thank you so much for posting this! This segment in particular spoke to me the most because it's what I've been fearing for some time now:



> 6. *Recognize that marriage itself won't cure the lust that you have *and the desire that you have to watch sexual movies and masturbate. Don't you know that you will compare them to what you see on the videos and will expect them to perform some "porno" show? As if GOD needs a porno to HELP your marriage sexually? HE is GOD. He created SEX to add to your marriage and if you have to use ungodly means to add to your marriage-life, then you're pushing the Holy Spirit out & inviting other spirits in.



I spoke about this some time ago here, on how I've been celibate for quite some time but just haven't been mentally single: every guy that just shows some interest in me, I start making up scenarios in my head. For us women I think our porn is love songs and romantic comedies, which is why I really want to see the movie 'Don Jon' so much, it addresses this issue.


----------



## stephluv

Maracujá said:


> I spoke about this some time ago here, on how I've been celibate for quite some time but just haven't been mentally single: every guy that just shows some interest in me, I start making up scenarios in my head. For us women I think our porn is love songs and romantic comedies, which is why I really want to see the movie 'Don Jon' so much, it addresses this issue.


 
@Maracujá Yes and I think we do have to address this issue among the church more...It is like Heather stated in her blog a silent sin! Churches may preach dont have intercourse before marriage but what about those intimate thoughts that may go in our mind...i constantly have to remind myself flesh die! Even at Pinky Promise 2013 earlier this yr during q&a there was a question of playing love songs/babymaking music while on your honeymoon and Heathers husband Cornelius said why do you need that stuff to put you in the mood before becoming intimate with your spouse...he said it opens up doors to without you even realizing it...i'm like wow never thought of it that way but its true.... i cant listen to certain things without sinful thoughts creeping in...but i've grown so much cause I too would create scenes in my mind about men I was really interested in but not anymore Thank God thats another hump I have overcome


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> I spoke about this some time ago here, on how I've been celibate for quite some time but just haven't been mentally single: every guy that just shows some interest in me, I start making up scenarios in my head. For us women I think our porn is love songs and romantic comedies, which is why I really want to see the movie 'Don Jon' so much, it addresses this issue.



Very true.  That's where the phrase "emotional chastity" comes in because our issue isn't always the flesh, it's out emotions and thoughts.  I know I have personally shut down most tv shows and hip-hop/r&b/top 40 music because it's just too over-sexualized.  It may seem prudish but I'm no prude  I just know that it's not the time for that so why even go there.  

Like Heather said, that is how Satan plants seeds and gets in.  He's clever but not that clever.  Satan hates obedience which is the great enmity between Satan and the woman (Mary) and her offspring (Christ and His church).  Like Christ and Mary, we must be obedient at all costs even if it looks/feels extreme.


----------



## Divine.

Heather Lindsey has been such a blessing to me. I can relate to her so much. All of her blogs hit the nail on the head. I have listened to most of the Gathering Oasis podcast as well.


----------



## Maracujá

"Spending time with Him should not be a temporizing measure until Adam comes." - Sidney


Have a wonderful saturday ladies!


----------



## sweetvi

I've been celibate for a year and 2 months! the hardest part is not being celibate because I've gone longer before, it is not having sexual intimacy with someone who I am attracted to!


----------



## stephluv

Been praising God for my singleness and doing this has given me so much more peace lol....I'm not saying I'm stating to God I want to remain single lol But actually i've been thanking God for this time for preparation to one day be a Godly wife and mother. I've decided that I have to keep myself in a happy state or i'll be worried about my singleness and I aint got time for that Its working for now and i need it especially with all the recent engagement, weddings & babyshowers i've been going to...I attended 7 weddings 1yr Talk about rubbing it in my face lol

SN: So in my youth choir (age 15-30) another one of the older females got engaged...very happy for her but now its official i'm the only one left lol The other 2 older ppl in my choir are dating each other lol And they are probably going to take the next step soon Everyone else in our age group is now part of the other young adult choir (those married or with children lol) So I know soon i'm going to get even more pressure and "advice" from ppl....esp the church folks so the above strategy is also preparing me to just stay in my praise and worship even when i'm not in the mood


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

sweetvi said:


> I've been celibate for a year and 2 months! the hardest part is not being celibate because I've gone longer before, it is not having sexual intimacy with someone who I am attracted to!



Good job! Ive been celibate since 2006. Its easy cause i sike myself out by saying every attractive guy i meet has AIDS. Please believe me that the thought will dry you up in that area real quick!


----------



## sweetvi

@pre_medicalrulz

girl you just killed me!!! I died laughing....... LOL now since 2006, no prospects? not sexually ( I know you know what I meant)


----------



## sweetvi

stephluv said:


> Been praising God for my singleness and doing this has given me so much more peace lol....I'm not saying I'm stating to God I want to remain single lol But actually i've been thanking God for this time for preparation to one day be a Godly wife and mother. I've decided that I have to keep myself in a happy state or i'll be worried about my singleness and I aint got time for that Its working for now and i need it especially with all the recent engagement, weddings & babyshowers i've been going to...I attended 7 weddings 1yr Talk about rubbing it in my face lol
> 
> SN: So in my youth choir (age 15-30) another one of the older females got engaged...very happy for her but now its official i'm the only one left lol The other 2 older ppl in my choir are dating each other lol And they are probably going to take the next step soon Everyone else in our age group is now part of the other young adult choir (those married or with children lol) So I know soon i'm going to get even more pressure and "advice" from ppl....esp the church folks so the above strategy is also preparing me to just stay in my praise and worship even when i'm not in the mood


\

stephluv

Do what Heather advised and smile every time someone asks you about being "single" and just listen to the advice but Guard Your Heart in the meantime. I am older than you so imagine the questions and comments I get! such as: don't let your youth go to waste, it is time, your looks shouldn't go to waste, I need to get on the ball ( so now your telling me to be desperate). Yes girl I get it all .

Im glad that I chose to lean on God for my strength because these comments would of broken me if I didn't know who my GOD is and capable of doing.  He is operating behind the scenes and making my guy with intricate details that can only fit me!. I can't wait until my boaz is revealed and people will lean back in their chair like  the movie Friday and go....... dangggggggggg! lol ( remember that scene)


----------



## stephluv

pre_medicalrulz said:


> Good job! Ive been celibate since 2006. Its easy cause i sike myself out by saying every attractive guy i meet has AIDS. Please believe me that the thought will dry you up in that area real quick!


 
@pre_medicalrulz - GIRL BYE!! I'm sure that does work...i can see it now lol Oh that man is handsome...::quote above comes to mind:: whoa 



sweetvi said:


> \
> 
> @stephluv
> 
> *Do what Heather advised and smile every time someone asks you about being "single" and just listen to the advice but Guard Your Heart in the meantime.* I am older than you so imagine the questions and comments I get! such as: don't let your youth go to waste, it is time, your looks shouldn't go to waste, I need to get on the ball ( so now your telling me to be desperate). Yes girl I get it all .These ppl act like they been married they whole life lol
> 
> Im glad that I chose to lean on God for my strength because these comments would of broken me if I didn't know who my GOD is and capable of doing. He is operating behind the scenes and making my guy with intricate details that can only fit me!. I can't wait until *my boaz is revealed *and people will lean back in their chair like the movie Friday and go....... dangggggggggg! lol ( remember that scene)


 
sweetvi hahaha YES!! That is something else that keeps me pushing and keeping my faith...i'm like wait till i'm like BAM see what patience gets you lol


----------



## FlyyBohemian

This thing that many Christian women say "like Ruth I'm waiting on my Boaz". From what was written in the Bible, Boaz was surprised and thankful that Ruth gave him a chance because he was a lot older than her. Ruth pursued Boaz because of instructions from her mother-in-law Naomi. Do the women here really want a Ruth and Boaz situation? Are you willing to heed to the advice of your Christian elders on who you should marry? Are you willing to overlook factors such as looks, age, weight, and socioeconomic factors? Be honest with yourselves if you are not. Not every situation is good for everyone and that is ok. God gave us the freedom marry who we wanted in The Lord and he has called us to live in peace. At the same time, we should be realistic in what we want in a partner. That's all I have to say for now.


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

sweetvi said:


> @pre_medicalrulz
> 
> girl you just killed me!!! I died laughing....... LOL now since 2006, no prospects? not sexually ( I know you know what I meant)



Girl no prospects. I think i made myself paranoid after all these years. My future husband & I will be exchanging STD statuses rather than wedding vows at the alter. Lol

I cant even bring myself to kiss a guy on the mouth without thinking, 'Is that a herpe?' Smh


----------



## sweetvi

As a matter of fact I am ( don't know if the question is for me). Boaz was an example that was used not because of how old he was but of someone who pursued and courted Ruth. She wasn't looking but there she was, she was at a place where she did not feel worthy, yet there he was and he looked beyond that and saw her beauty. Not everyone who gives advice (even elders) is necessarily within God's will for your life. That's why guarding my heart and praying, fasting and being obedient is very important.  The lord opened up Ruth's heart for Boaz. If he did not intend Boaz for Ruth, no advice from her mother-in-law would have persuaded her IMO. People may mean well but no one knows what God has for your future.

Now I agree with the age? socioeconomic? weight, etc. factor. That is something that I've been praying about. It is to have an open heart for his will in my life and for him to choose the best person for me regardless of who I think he should be.

Thanks girl. You make some valid points.  once again, Boaz was a metaphor...


----------



## sweetvi

pre_medicalrulz said:


> Girl no prospects. I think i made myself paranoid after all these years. My future husband & I will be exchanging STD statuses rather than wedding vows at the alter. Lol
> 
> I cant even bring myself to kiss a guy on the mouth without thinking, 'Is that a herpe?' Smh


 

LOL  your in medicine so I see your point.. lol


----------



## Belle Du Jour

sweetvi I love it.  Claim it.  I believe God gives His very best to those who expect it from Him--not because they are worthy, but because they are humble enough to know how GREAT He is and how small/unworthy/weak they are.

_Lord, give me faith like the Roman centurion that amazed You._


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

Any ladies on the board obsessed with grammar and the 'passive voice'? PM ME. I need your help. Thanks! (Note: I don't like starting new threads - I'm shy!)


----------



## Maracujá

God is clear and simple. And this is not to diminish some of the demands God makes of us but just to say that what He requires of us is the same in each season and each generation. Countless books are being written by men about what they want, how they wish to be treated,...etc. It changes from year to year and each author says something different. Not God though. I'm sorry if this seems like it's coming out of nowhere, just a particular situation that's going on at my church that's got me a bit sad.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

*Waiting on God to Do Something*

Sometimes it feels like God takes way too long.  He could stop all the pain and confusion in a moment. He could meet the need. But He doesn’t.

Waiting on God is often confusing. He has operated this way for a long time.

When Mary and Martha of Bethany sent a message to Jesus that their brother Lazarus lay sick, Jesus stayed right where He was. When He finally did arrive, He found that Lazarus had been dead four days.

In other words, Jesus took His sweet time showing up.

Why does He do this?

*Waiting on God is Hard*

From all appearances, Jesus’ delay betrayed His lack of concern. Or maybe even a lack of ability (John 11:21, 32, 37). Pain always tempts us to view Jesus this way.

But this story reveals the exact opposite. Remarkably, Jesus delayed because He loved them (John 11:5-6).

As hard as we try, we often struggle to wrap our minds around the contradiction. After all, it’s hard to feel God’s love when we cry out to Him, perhaps for years, but He seems to ignore us.

Our pain blurs what Jesus sees clearly.  We need to begin to look with eyes of faith as we’re waiting on God.

*What Waiting on God Can Teach Us*

Jesus saw what Lazarus’s death would produce—an opportunity to believe for those who would witness a miracle. He knew the sisters would grow to see that God loved them on a level deeper than simply removing pain.

Here we must grow as well.

Because Jesus waited, we can know He wants to give us more than relief.
Because Jesus wept, we can know He feels our pain, strengthening us with His presence along the path His sovereign will sees as best for us.
He loves us enough to let us hurt so that we will gain what we could not otherwise.
He walks with us—and weeps—along the painful road that leads to death . . . but then, also to resurrection.

“God aims to exalt Himself by working for those who wait for Him.”—John Piper

Most of the time we want God doing our will, not His (whatever it is). How blessed we are that He lovingly ignores our ignorant protests at His unreasonable ways. He loves us enough to allow the pain that will ultimately benefit us far beyond what feeling good ever could.

We need eyes to look at life with His perspective that sees the end in spite of the road that takes us there.

http://www.waynestiles.com/waiting-on-god-to-do-something/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Delays are sometimes God's plan: http://www.nuggetsoftruth.com/delays_are_not_denials.htm


----------



## Maracujá

^^^^Thank you so much for posting this, I saved it on my computer


----------



## pre_medicalrulz

Belle Du Jour said:


> Waiting on God to Do Something
> 
> Sometimes it feels like God takes way too long.  He could stop all the pain and confusion in a moment. He could meet the need. But He doesn’t.
> 
> Waiting on God is often confusing. He has operated this way for a long time.
> 
> When Mary and Martha of Bethany sent a message to Jesus that their brother Lazarus lay sick, Jesus stayed right where He was. When He finally did arrive, He found that Lazarus had been dead four days.
> 
> In other words, Jesus took His sweet time showing up.
> 
> Why does He do this?
> 
> Waiting on God is Hard
> 
> From all appearances, Jesus’ delay betrayed His lack of concern. Or maybe even a lack of ability (John 11:21, 32, 37). Pain always tempts us to view Jesus this way.
> 
> But this story reveals the exact opposite. Remarkably, Jesus delayed because He loved them (John 11:5-6).
> 
> As hard as we try, we often struggle to wrap our minds around the contradiction. After all, it’s hard to feel God’s love when we cry out to Him, perhaps for years, but He seems to ignore us.
> 
> Our pain blurs what Jesus sees clearly.  We need to begin to look with eyes of faith as we’re waiting on God.
> 
> What Waiting on God Can Teach Us
> 
> Jesus saw what Lazarus’s death would produce—an opportunity to believe for those who would witness a miracle. He knew the sisters would grow to see that God loved them on a level deeper than simply removing pain.
> 
> Here we must grow as well.
> 
> Because Jesus waited, we can know He wants to give us more than relief.
> Because Jesus wept, we can know He feels our pain, strengthening us with His presence along the path His sovereign will sees as best for us.
> He loves us enough to let us hurt so that we will gain what we could not otherwise.
> He walks with us—and weeps—along the painful road that leads to death . . . but then, also to resurrection.
> 
> “God aims to exalt Himself by working for those who wait for Him.”—John Piper
> 
> Most of the time we want God doing our will, not His (whatever it is). How blessed we are that He lovingly ignores our ignorant protests at His unreasonable ways. He loves us enough to allow the pain that will ultimately benefit us far beyond what feeling good ever could.
> 
> We need eyes to look at life with His perspective that sees the end in spite of the road that takes us there.
> 
> http://www.waynestiles.com/waiting-on-god-to-do-something/



I so enjoyed this!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I'm feeling very discouraged tonight so I need to re-read those links myself  *sigh*


----------



## Rae81

How do y'all deal with the thoughts that it will never happen. I'm just to to give up. I just feel like it will never ever happen, like I will never get married. This year has been filled with rejection and I know deep down God did it because those people needed to be out of my life. But I don't know somedays I wonder if it will happen


----------



## Divine.

Rae81 said:


> How do y'all deal with the thoughts that it will never happen. I'm just to to give up. I just feel like it will never ever happen, like I will never get married. This year has been filled with rejection and I know deep down God did it because those people needed to be out of my life. But I don't know somedays I wonder if it will happen



I know this is easier said than done but you have to refocus your mind. If every conversation that you have with God is marriage focused, then that's a problem. It's okay to think about it happening, but you have to get to a place spiritually where you're okay with just God. 

This is something I had to do. I used to be obsessed with getting married. I think in the process I scared away tons of guys. Then I would get my little attitude with God and start questioning him. At one point I thought I wouldn't get married ever. But I challenged myself to learn to just be content with myself and God. That's the only way you're going to overcome those attacks. Satan will take what you like and dangle it front if your face just to tease you. 

Do I still want to get married? Yes. I am pressed about it? No. Being honest with yourself helps too. If God gave you what you wanted, how much time would you give Him? When you're single your number one priority is God. When you're married, your husband and family comes first (1 Corinthians 7:34). God will not give us anything he knows that will divide our attention. Or He will just delay it.

You should try challenging yourself in this way. God will reward it when you least expect it.


----------



## Maracujá

^^Everything she said. I struggle with it too from time to time to the point that it paralyzes me, I just sit in front of the computer digging up articles and self help books on marriage but two days ago I was reading articles on crosswalk.com geared to single Christians and it just dawned on me that right now it's about me and God. Not to mention that I have to conquer my lustful thoughts aswell.


----------



## Rae81

Thank u for your responses. I don't know if it's because I'm about to turn 32 this week and I always thought that I would be married with kids by now. I have to remember my plans are not God's plans.


----------



## Divine.

Maracujá said:


> ^^Everything she said. I struggle with it too from time to time to the point that it paralyzes me, I just sit in front of the computer digging up articles and self help books on marriage but two days ago I was reading articles on crosswalk.com geared to single Christians and it just dawned on me that right now it's about me and God. Not to mention that I have to conquer my lustful thoughts aswell.



If it wasn't for this thread... chile I would be so off course it's ridiculous. I also go back and read articles that are relevant to what I may be feeling at the moment. Every so often my thoughts starts going there. I find that when I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing or I'm over dealing with reality, my mind starts to go places it shouldn't. Definitely still a work in progress over here lol 

Rae81 That's what we're here for! I think just about everyone in here is dealing with the same things. It gets hard but it's much easier when you have a support system.


----------



## AnjelLuvs

Maracujá said:


> ^^Everything she said. I struggle with it too from time to time to the point that it paralyzes me, I just sit in front of the computer digging up articles and self help books on marriage but two days ago I was reading articles on crosswalk.com geared to single Christians and it just dawned on me that right now it's about me and God. Not to mention that I have to conquer my lustful thoughts aswell.


*Maracujá, I knew it was a reason I kept this tab open to read... I needed this thread, this post... I am complaining about what i not here... Playing with the fact that I should be growing closer to God, questioning the why's/how comes/But not truly trying to discover self and my relationship with him... This is an awakening moment, truly!*


----------



## DreamLife

Thanks guys for keeping this thread going, lots of useful info and encouragement. Right now I'm tired of counterfeits. Meeting someone and getting hopeful only to realize that it's not it and then it's back to nothing. I'd rather just be alone than to get that false hope and excitement because its draining. I guess that's why when I meet someone I need to be really prayerful. Since some bad experiences last year I always ask God to remove the person if its not for me, and He does with the quickness lol. Just tired of it all right now.


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## Maracujá

Hope your sunday is going better than mine ladies. I won't go into it here though, I'll just say something that I heard Zac Poonen say: the most important days for a Christian are monday to saturday. Meaning that it truly matters what you do after you've left the church building. I would like to add that it is very important that you read and study the Bible for yourself, as single women we are bombarded with scriptures that talk about how it is God's will for us to be married. But no one ever mentions other scriptures that administer to us singles while we're in the waiting season. There is scripture that says that in heaven we will all be single (like the angels), very few pastors go in to the fact that Jesus himself was a single man,...etc.


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## Belle Du Jour

Christian dating: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3U-PiGo2X8


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## pre_medicalrulz

Today I realized I live a happier life when my circle is small. So for now on, I am limiting who I refer to as friend.


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## Belle Du Jour

After corresponding with someone for a couple weeks, I decided to end it as he wanted to move forward.  I didn't think we were compatible, but a part of me selfishly was thinking well, at least it's someone.  

Does anyone else struggle with dating out of boredom or for practice   I think this is a pattern for me.


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## BrandNew

Has anyone read this blog post 'My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate'? It's been making the rounds online. What are your thoughts?


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## Divine.

BrandNew said:


> Has anyone read this blog post 'My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate'? It's been making the rounds online. What are your thoughts?



I kind of agree. I'm not entirely caught up in the whole soul mates thing. Simply because God gave us all free will. People choose who they want to be with. I feel like "the one" can just be someone who complements you and your values. God will give you discernment regarding whether this person is a good match for you. I have read so many instances where a woman thought God told them they should marry someone and it ultimately didn't work out. I don't think it's about finding your soul mate. It's about finding a man that fits the mold for a godly husband.


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## JaneBond007

If you don't believe in G-d magically dropping your mate into your lap like the stork drops children, why not get out there and date?  Whether it's practice or not, how will you get to know someone if you don't get to know someone?


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## Belle Du Jour

JaneBond007 said:


> If you don't believe in G-d magically dropping your mate into your lap like the stork drops children, why not get out there and date?  Whether it's practice or not, how will you get to know someone if you don't get to know someone?



I don't think the two are mutually exclusive ie if you decide not to date someone who you feel you are not compatible with then you believe God will send the right man to your doorstep. I just think that dating someone you know that you're not interested in just for practice, free dinner, not wanting to be alone, etc., shows a lack of respect for the dignity of that person.  We are also called to guard our own hearts so why even go down that road only to have to end it later, causing more hurt feelings?


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## Belle Du Jour

BrandNew said:


> Has anyone read this blog post 'My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate'? It's been making the rounds online. What are your thoughts?



I disagree with her that God does not have a person in mind for us.  If we read the Bible, we see that God is a great matchmaker and has been arranging marriages from the time He presented Eve to Adam.  I know this is a very debatable issue among Christians, but if God orders the steps of man, why wouldn't that include the choice of a spouse?  Ultimately, God is a person's soulmate, I agree with that.  But I really do think there's a best person that God has in mind for those called to marriage.  Of course, there are several people we could end up with and be reasonably happy (and we do have free will) but that doesn't mean it was God's choice.  

I also agree with the girl's father that marriage is a pathway to sanctification.  While most people are called to sanctification through marriage, God knows if that is the best way or not.  For some, it might be living as a consecrated single person in the world.  Only God knows.


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## FlyyBohemian

JaneBond007 said:


> If you don't believe in G-d magically dropping your mate into your lap like the stork drops children, why not get out there and date?  Whether it's practice or not, how will you get to know someone if you don't get to know someone?



Amen to that!


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## FlyyBohemian

I believe God has a purpose and a will that He wants you to fulfill whether you get married or not. Getting married or remaining single is a choice and not necessarily what God chooses for people. Sometimes he may choose a spouse for you to fulfill a particular purpose, just like he told the prophet Hosea to play Captain-Save-A-Hoe with Gomer, but the Word of God also says that the choice is up to us who we marry, or whether we want to get married or not. He just wants it to be one of His children of the Faith.  I agree with the lady that having this choice is a lot more freeing than being destined to marry someone.


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## Maracujá

I was going through threads in the CF forum about singleness and stumbled upon this one link that I just had to share, it confronted me with myself in a way that blew me away:

http://www.gillistriplett.com/rel101/articles/will.html

Another website that I've been visiting alot lately is this one: 

http://www.loveandgracemedia.com/

It's by a lady that remained single for 18 years before marrying her now DH, who is a pastor.


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## Highly Favored8

Good day ladies! I just do not care about being in a relationship any longer. Just letting go and allowing God. One thing is you/me who are still wanting a relationship/marriage is just to let that go. Live your/our lives and get busy doing things what we love to do. When a relationship shows up oh and it will you will be able to already have a full life.

I was like God I let this relationship stuff go. I am not even going to focus on it anymore. Just looking at some dudes out here and IJSMDH. The crumbs and games that some of these men are playing out here and the sad part is that these men are over 40 WTH!

I am finally in the space where I am "letting go and allowing God". Keeping focus on myself and my son. That is all I can do. I know the one for me is going to show up. However, I can't let that be my focus at the moment. All I can do is to focus on myself, travel even more and get out more. The one for me will show up. 

Have a great day every one!


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## Divine.

I didn't want to start a new thread so I figured I would post here. One thing I want to be sure of now is that I'm not wasting time on the wrong guy. My question is how did God tell you that a certain person wasn't right for you? What did God reveal that let you know you either needed to walk away or just wait?

Sometimes I want God to just tell me yes or no but He doesn't  so I'm looking for other ways I could find His answer.


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## Kinkyhairlady

Divine. said:


> I didn't want to start a new thread so I figured I would post here. One thing I want to be sure of now is that I'm not wasting time on the wrong guy. My question is how did God tell you that a certain person wasn't right for you? What did God reveal that let you know you either needed to walk away or just wait?
> 
> Sometimes I want God to just tell me yes or no but He doesn't  so I'm looking for other ways I could find His answer.



divine

I believe God allows us to see the signs but we ignore them. Sometimes you really like the person because their handsome, successful, caring but there may be one or two things that may you go hmmm. But that hmmm is not enough for you to walk away from this man. Sometimes you are just lonely and it feels good to have someone take you out and call to see how your day was. Here's what I'm learning..., I'm very vulnerable right now and the devil sees that. He is gonna send every Tom Dick and Harry my way to distract me from preparing myself for the man God truly has for me. It is up to me to be strong and walk away of the guy is acting a fool. Any signs I see that will be issues down the road I must walk away. It's hard yes because you will feel lonely again but you know I rather be alone then stressing over a man who does not deserve me. The man God has out there for me will treat me like Gold and that's what I deserve.


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## Divine.

Thanks Kinkyhairlady

Right now I'm just struggling with facing the fact that a certain someone isn't the one. When I met him, I wasn't saved. I had developed a lot of bad habits from my previous relationships and took them into this one. This person is the reason I got saved because he was regularly in the church and I wasn't at all (for many reasons). I just felt like it was time to give my life over to Christ.

Now that I'm finally in a better place spiritually, I want to entertain the thought of a relationship with him. But it has not been easy! There are so many road blocks in the way. I honestly can't think of a negative trait about him other than that he is adamant about not pursuing a relationship right now. I'm thankful he isn't using me as a rebound, but it's still frustrating to be in the friend zone. I'm not sure if God is saying wait, or no. It honestly baffles me how such a great guy can't be the one. 

I guess I'm just gonna go with no this time. He shouldn't be my concern anyways.


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## Belle Du Jour

A groom on the eve of his wedding: http://jackieandbobby.com/2013/08/10/here-comes-the-bride/



> ...I have no doubt that I will be a hot mess when Jackie walks down that aisle today. I’m a crier. I pretend not to be, of course. I work at an all-boys Catholic high school, so I hesitate to admit this (they sometimes call me “Mr. Leonidas”)(it’s the beard). But I know that this wedding Mass will be such an experience of *divine generosity* and the explosion of love in that Church will likely break my heart. It will all be a gift—a free, total, undeservedly radiant gift.
> 
> So yeah. I’m gonna cry.
> 
> If nothing else I write tonight sticks, know that *He is faithful. Trust in His plans for your life, especially if you are in a place of hurt, loneliness, or doubt. He doesn’t want us to settle; He wants to give us gold.*


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## Maracujá

I really enjoyed this article on the BMWK website: http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids....st-in-yourself-to-save-your-life-or-marriage/


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## stephluv

hey ladies!!! 

Soooo last wk or so i've been feeling like forget this celibacy stuff....i made it a yr and thats great but dang Lord give me something I need to know that one day I will get married so i'm not waiting in vain......it was a woe is me kind of wk....so  of course the Devil knowing my struggle sent so many Toms and Harrys its been crazy!! I mean I was just getting a new # every day type of mess But for some reason it made me even more sad...i was struggling with these emotions and I got dudes interested in me but not in my God smh!!! Thankfully after avoiding "meet-ups" and sticking to my decision of not giving up I cried out to God again...then I went to my friends church and they were having an hr prayer on breaking chains (its going on for the rest of the wk) I had to cry out just say God take these feelings away...i left feeling that God heard my cries. Later that night my friend who is a minister and has the gift of prophesy and knows my struggle said she didnt want to depress me but she feels i wont be married for another 3yrs!

Can I say i'm actually RELIEVED!!  yes i just wanted someone to say what i've been feeling...that no my Adam is not coming tomorrow lol I think that was what was bothering me I know i'm not ready...but knowing that yes it will happen and I got time just made me feel better in working on myself and my relationship with Christ!

whew wanted to get that off my chest..have a blessed day!


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## Divine.

stephluv

I had a moment like this earlier today as well  I may not discuss my struggles because I try to encourage everyone as well as myself, but it's definitely hard. Today I just felt like not listening to what God told me concerning my "relationship." I snapped out of it though. I'm not gonna lie, I'm half listening at the moment lol I know I'm going to be tested in this area very soon so I'm just waiting for it. 

I know I'll have the man of my dreams some day but the wait is killer. 22 years is enough


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## Maracujá

Hello ladies! Just wanted to leave you with this gem of a sermon before I head to work:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5tUyGSJL7o


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## Nice & Wavy

I read this and immediately thought of the ladies of this forum and this thread.  Please know that my husband and I am always praying for singles!

_________________
There  is so much emphasis on marriage and family in the church that many  single men and women wonder whether it is possible to be single and  satisfied. Well, it is not only possible to be single and live a  fulfilled life, it is sinful to be otherwise. That is, if you are single  and unhappy in the role God has given you, you do yet have a complete  handle on God’s Kingdom view of singleness. Unfortunately,  the church has helped fuel a sense of incompleteness by its great  emphasis on family. There is nothing wrong with emphasizing family.  There is something wrong with making singles feel like second-class  citizens in the kingdom.   In fact, we pastors often unconsciously  fuel the discontent of single believers by helping singles to cope with  their singleness. God doesn’t simply want single people to cope. He  wants them to succeed.

 Someone has said that marriage is like flies  on a screen door. Those on the outside are trying to get in, and those  on the inside are trying to get out.  As a pastor, I often talk to  singles who are frustrated because they’re not married. Then I meet with  married folks who are frustrated because they’re no longer single. The  point is that both single and married people need to stop trying to cope  with their marital status and start living for the kingdom.

 I’ve  been married more than forty years, so single readers might wonder how I  could understand the pain and struggle they are feeling. I agree that I  am not an expert on the single life, so* I reference two people who  were—the apostle Paul and Jesus Christ in this helpful, FREE  downloadable eBook: Single & Satisfied. Get yours here:*

http://go.tonyevans.org/single


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## Belle Du Jour

I feel like I'm always plugging some book, LOL, but I'm re-reading Stephanie Herzog's God is a Matchmaker and it's really good.  I don't know much about her and her husband in terms of their ministry, but the book talks about letting God order this aspect of your life.  She shares how she and her husband got together and it's pretty funny (especially when she starts rebuking the thought that David was going to be her husband LOL)!  

The book is another reminder to me that when I feel tempted to take over and orchestrate things that I just need to chill.  It just seems so counterintuitive!  However, I've never felt more peaceful about this issue than I do right now.  (Not sure how long it will last either ) And I've received no "revelation" that a spouse is around the corner.  Matter of fact, I'm not hearing anything.  But my prayer daily is to stay in His will.  I am finally getting it that today, his will for me is being single!  I don't know why but frankly, I don't have to know why.  I just need to know I'm living in His will and that's pretty powerful.   Happy Sunday ladies


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## Belle Du Jour

http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/08/27/dear-sweet-frustrated-friend/


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## Divine.

Joyce Meyer talks about worry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYM6WiTBmBk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtFqdmGcxI8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyjqxGenQE4

I definitely needed this lately. I hope these messages bless someone.


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## sounbeweavable

Hi Y'all! I don't think I've posted in here before, but since I'm trying to do "Christian Dating", I thought I should pop in. How do y'all meet good, Christian men? I don't know any Christian men my age, so my dating pool is pretty much restricted to men I meet online.


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## TeeMBL

Unfortunately, I'm finally at a place where I have given up on ever meeting my husband.  I'm so exhausted from men and dating.  

I literally feel like moving to an island and never thinking about dating ever again.  It hurts because I've prayed for it for so many years and never thought I would get to this point of giving up.  I thought my faith would always keep me believing that he was out there.  I just don't feel that way anymore, and I am truly heartbroken by that.


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## Britt

I am going through it.... going through a bad breakup. I'm 31 and will have to start over. I feel down and disappointed. I was speaking to my mom and she reminded me that my bio clock is ticking -- which is true. I read stories about women remaining single and celibate for years not finding their hubby till mid-late 30s. I can't say that makes me feel encouraged at all. I'd prob feel different if I were still in my 20s, but I'm not. On the brighter side, while I am weary a huge part of me is finally at peace.


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## Maracujá

> *Aim to Tell the Story*
> 
> "Wait a minute," you might say. "Sexuality may be a great gift for people who are married, but what about me? I don't get to have sex. My sex drive is something I have to manage, not something I get to enjoy." It may surprise you that the Bible refers to both marriage and singleness as gifts (1 Corinthians 7:6–7). Your sexuality and your singleness (temporary or permanent) are gifts from God.
> Now maybe you think that singleness is not a good gift — kind of like getting an ugly knitted sweater from a frumpy aunt at Christmas; so ugly that you wouldn't even dream of re-gifting it. Or maybe you wish the gift came with a receipt so you could exchange it for the one you really want. But whether or not you're happy about being single, it's important for you to understand that though this gift is given to you, it's not given for you. The gift is ultimately for the church. God gives gifts so that we might faithfully steward them "for the common good" (1 Corinthians 12:7). Therefore, as long as you hold the gift of singleness in your hands, the Lord wants you to steward it for the for the benefit of others.
> How can you do that? To begin, the Apostle Paul explains that an unmarried person can focus on the things of the Lord in a way a married person can't (1 Corinthians 7:32–35). Singles have more time and energy to serve the body of Christ and further the kingdom. But that's not all. Singles have a unique role to play in telling the story of Jesus. When, by your sexual chastity, you display the story of the church faithfully waiting for her coming Groom, the whole community benefits.
> Singles demonstrate that the things to which marriage, sex and family point are more important than the symbols themselves. Singles testify to the fact that the temporary will give way, in the end, to the eternal. They remind the church that spiritual fruitfulness, spiritual family and spiritual union with Christ are more permanent and precious than their earthly counterparts. There are truths about Christ and His kingdom that can be more clearly displayed by a single woman than a married one.
> The way you conduct yourself sexually is much bigger than your own personal life. It has meaning that connects to the cosmic, unseen, eternal realm. To manage your sex drive and delight in sexual continence, you need to understand that sexual restraint is as much and as valid of an expression of the meaning of sex as the sexual act itself. Your sexual chastity contributes to the cosmic story. It testifies to the astonishing meaning of it all.
> Understanding that sex symbolizes the covenant union of Christ and the church, that single women tell the story of the bride-in-waiting, and that sexual chastity is vital to the script, should help guide your sexual choices. Things like masturbation, oral sex and sleeping around with your boyfriend don't line up with the covenant story line. Viewing pornography, reading smutty romance novels and watching movies that exalt immorality don't either. So put up boundaries, and do what is necessary to guard your purity. Aim to be a good steward of God's gift. "Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you . . . You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).



Link: http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/sex-series-sexy-single-women


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## Divine.

Time for a pick me up! It seems as though a lot of us are feeling down. I was feeling down as well, hence my inactivity. But I want everyone to remain encouraged! I can't mention everyone so I apologize.

Where to meet Christian men? I honestly can't answer that. I have only met one Christian and currently that is now on a indefinite pause. But that could just be because I'm not yet active in my new church. I think you can find someone as long as you're involved in the church and the community. The hard part is weeding out the counterfeits.

Being single can be hard but that doesn't mean we have to be sad. What kind of life is that? I'd rather learn to be content and single than wallow in misery. There's so many reasons why each of us are single right now. For me personally, I know that God doesn't want me in a relationship because he's knows I'm not ready. The day I can say wholeheartedly that I'm content with Him alone, is the day I'll meet my husband. I idolize it too much. 

I don't necessarily enjoy being single, but I'm learning to each day. I feel like each season comes with its own trials. During that single season, it's just you and God wrestling with each other until someone gives in. Which will probably be us! 

Everyday I'm listening to sermons about contentment. I want the Holy Spirit to be in my presence every second so satan cannot attack me. The minute we let worry or doubt creep in, it makes it that much easier for Satan to prey on it. Keep strong! God has a plan...don't worry. Don't doubt!


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## Maracujá

I used to think the problem was me but I've had an epiphany today: it's not me. If you're unable to hold a 10-min conversation with me without pointing to my civil status then guess what? YOU are the problem. You purposely bypass far more interesting topics that are dear to my heart such as travel, music, fashion, black culture, books and a plethora of other things...simply to constantly point to the fact that my civil status is unmarried?! Yeah, YOU are the problem and btw so is your upbringing. End of vent/rant.


----------



## FlyyBohemian

stephluv said:


> hey ladies!!!
> 
> Soooo last wk or so i've been feeling like forget this celibacy stuff....i made it a yr and thats great but dang Lord give me something I need to know that one day I will get married so i'm not waiting in vain......it was a woe is me kind of wk....so  of course the Devil knowing my struggle sent so many Toms and Harrys its been crazy!! I mean I was just getting a new # every day type of mess But for some reason it made me even more sad...i was struggling with these emotions and I got dudes interested in me but not in my God smh!!! Thankfully after avoiding "meet-ups" and sticking to my decision of not giving up I cried out to God again...then I went to my friends church and they were having an hr prayer on breaking chains (its going on for the rest of the wk) I had to cry out just say God take these feelings away...i left feeling that God heard my cries. Later that night my friend who is a minister and has the gift of prophesy and knows my struggle said she didnt want to depress me but she feels i wont be married for another 3yrs!
> 
> Can I say i'm actually RELIEVED!!  yes i just wanted someone to say what i've been feeling...that no my Adam is not coming tomorrow lol I think that was what was bothering me I know i'm not ready...but knowing that yes it will happen and I got time just made me feel better in working on myself and my relationship with Christ!
> 
> whew wanted to get that off my chest..have a blessed day!



Be careful with prophecy...it's only in part. Also, sometimes people speak out of emotion. What was the purpose in telling you that? How would knowing that have benefitted you? When you have a gift you should exercise wisdom when using it. Some thing that a person knows may turn themselves farther from God than toward God. Maybe it's me but I'm so tired of the way some "church folk" do black women. The bible says test every spirit to see if its from God. Sometimes what a person says can reflect worldly circumstances or their perception and not God. If that's not what you want, don't own that. I rebuke any negative frame of thinking that is going on in your mind in the name of Jesus. I speak life to your spiritual life and I speak life into your future marriage as well. Your husband will appear at a time you won't even realize. He will have a heart for God. Be encouraged. Your future marriage will be blessed. I have spoken it into existence. In Jesus name it is done.


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## Highly Favored8

FlyyBohemian said:


> Be careful with prophecy...it's only in part. Also, sometimes people speak out of emotion. What was the purpose in telling you that? How would knowing that have benefitted you? When you have a gift you should exercise wisdom when using it. Some thing that a person knows may turn themselves farther from God than toward God. Maybe it's me but I'm so tired of the way some "church folk" do black women. The bible says test every spirit to see if its from God. Sometimes what a person says can reflect worldly circumstances or their perception and not God. If that's not what you want, don't own that. I rebuke any negative frame of thinking that is going on in your mind in the name of Jesus. I speak life to your spiritual life and I speak life into your future marriage as well. Your husband will appear at a time you won't even realize. He will have a heart for God. Be encouraged. Your future marriage will be blessed. I have spoken it into existence. In Jesus name it is done.



I touch and agree with you my sister in Jesus name. For my sister. I love the last paragraph! God bless you your post blessed me as well!


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## Divine.

So is everyone doing? I don't have much to report other than that I'm back on the right track again. It's amazing how Satan catches you at your most vulnerable moments. I spend hours listening to God's words so I can protect myself from these attacks, especially at work.

I am still very single. No prospects at the moment. I'm not sure how this situation with the guy I previously talked to will turn out. All I know is that God is trying to get my attention and I'm listening this time.


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## bellatiamarie

Lately I have been thinking (too much) about several guys from my past... I hate to waste time reminiscing and thinking about "what could've been." I am single with no prospects and for some odd reason I can't get my head out of the past.

One is a guy that I was with for some years and he did me very wrong (irreconcilable)... Another is a guy I was really good friends with in college but after I moved away for grad school our friendship pretty much fizzled out.... I have been tempted to reach out to them... Smh, bad, I know.

The last is a guy that had a crush on me in high school... We were really close in HS, but I never really had feelings for him... We had some of the same interests back in HS and I used to let him read my poetry.... Things got bad between us when he tried to kiss me while on our senior trip and we pretty much stopped talking to each other... I never even gave him a second thought for real since graduation day... we hugged and said our goodbyes.... I added him on FB some years later but we never really said much to each other.

Well, here it is 10 years later and we run into each other at a poetry event in August 2012... He hugged me twice that night and promised to give me info on other local poetry events... I have been pining since that night and I don't know why!!!! Today over a year later and I cannot get this man out of my head!!!

We have had small exchanges via text and FB but nothing really significant... He has invited me to several poetry events, but I've declined them all... He is Christian and seems to be ambitious/goal oriented... He seems very serious/genuine about his walk with Christ and honestly, I don't know if I'm more infatuated by the fact that he is serious about his walk with Christ or if it's him that I'm infatuated by... Smh.

Either way, I want to stop thinking about this man!!!! Him and the other two, but more so him! My rationale for posting this is just to put it out there!!! I have been suffering in silence and it is becoming counterproductive in some ways being hung up on this one dude in particular. I honestly don't even want a relationship right now... And I definitely don't want this "crush" or whatever it is. Pray for me!!


----------



## Rae81

^^^^ I also find myself thinking about men from my past ,one in particular.


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## stephluv

i'm there with you ladies  bellatiamarie && Rae81 FB doesnt help esp when I see previous guys in my life all hugged up with their SO...i'm like darn i'm happy they are happy but it would be nice if I found someone too......am the only one that cant wait for the moment I can post pics with my SO lol Ppl just think i'm hiding a man but little do they know if I really had one it would be known lol


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## stephluv

FlyyBohemian said:


> Be careful with prophecy...it's only in part. Also, sometimes people speak out of emotion.* What was the purpose in telling you that? How would knowing that have benefitted you? When you have a gift you should exercise wisdom when using it. Some thing that a person knows may turn themselves farther from God than toward God. Maybe it's me but I'm so tired of the way some "church folk" do black women. The bible says test every spirit to see if its from God. Sometimes what a person says can reflect worldly circumstances or their perception and not God. If that's not what you want, don't own that.* I rebuke any negative frame of thinking that is going on in your mind in the name of Jesus. I speak life to your spiritual life and I speak life into your future marriage as well. Your husband will appear at a time you won't even realize. He will have a heart for God. Be encouraged. Your future marriage will be blessed. I have spoken it into existence. In Jesus name it is done.


 


Highly Favored8 said:


> I touch and agree with you my sister in Jesus name. For my sister. I love the last paragraph! God bless you your post blessed me as well!


 
@FlyyBohemian and Highly Favored8 Thank you both!! I do agree not sure how that was supposed to benefit me lol But i guess she could tell I was anxious so honestly I did get some peace....just learning to Trust the Lord more and stepping out on faith! It may have not been prophesy and more opinion


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## stephluv

Been venting all day...started a thread hoping we get some feedback

Proverbs 31 duties/roles -* FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS PLEASE*

these are the times I wish I had more Christian women mentors in my life


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## sweetvi

This encourages me:

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged".       Deuteronomy 31:8


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## Britt

stephluv said:


> Been venting all day...started a thread hoping we get some feedback
> 
> Proverbs 31 duties/roles -* FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS PLEASE*
> 
> *these are the times I wish I had more Christian women mentors in my life*


 
Same here... i feel so alone, like I have no one irl to really talk to or encourage me. I do have one friend that's a Christian and she's spoke to me and comforted me before. At this point though, I've prayed that God lead me to right group of women for fellowship/friendship, all I have so far is my online community lol. I attend a mega church so right now it's kinda hard to meet anyone there. In due time, in due time. I would love a mentor that can help answer my questions and provide guidance and wisdom.


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## sweetvi

stephluv Divine. Maracuja Belledujour

This video is whoa!!!  Please listen to her.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW_DEn52IDU&feature=share&list=PL2A8703C1B5F9D79E


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## Rae81

sweetvi said:


> stephluv Divine. Maracuja Belledujour
> 
> This video is whoa!!!  Please listen to her.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW_DEn52IDU&feature=share&list=PL2A8703C1B5F9D79E



I really liked that video .it was something I needed to hear today


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## sweetvi

Rae81


It was deep. Our light should be shining. She is right!
"Do not be afraid of your own light, for it was put in you so that others who are blinded by their own darkness could see your light"


----------



## Divine.

sweetvi Praise God! He knew I needed to hear this. The Holy Spirit has been working over time on these confirmations lol out of the blue I just felt something saying, "Let your light shine. You're too dim." Now I understand. Thank you!


----------



## stephluv

yes i agree ladies i've been feeling it in my spirit i need to do more so i thank you for the tag sweetvi


----------



## Britt

I just watched this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwLvW-AFmk


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## Divine.

Brittster I enjoy watching her videos! I don't think she has posted one in awhile though.


----------



## Britt

Divine. said:


> Brittster I enjoy watching her videos! I don't think she has posted one in awhile though.



Yeah, I was watching some at work yesterday  and she hasn't posted in a long time. I was watching her older videos.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

> I made this blog because a photo of my husband and I has gone viral on the internet. I wanted to share the story behind the photo for the hundreds of thousands of people who found inspiration through this sweet moment we had.
> 
> The Story Behind the Photo
> 
> Moments before I was to walk down the aisle my soon to be mother in law came in the dressing room where my bridesmaids and I were all gushing with giggles and fluttering about finishing last minute details.
> 
> "Sweetheart, your groom has called for you!".
> 
> In a nervous tizzy I said, “What?! I’m not ready! I have to get my shoes and…” She had already taken my hand and led me to a corner, where my groom was waiting. I barely sat down; I was filled with so much anticipation! So much excitement! So many nerves!
> 
> "Is he going to like my dress? Does my hair look pretty? Can he see me?!"
> 
> Right around the corner sat my soon to be husband, I so was nervous he might see me yet secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of him. In my excited state I was the first to speak,
> 
> "Hi sweetie! We’re getting married today!"
> 
> "I know baby and I want to pray with you before we do."
> 
> There we sat around the corner hand in hand, and together we bowed our heads. People were rushing about; the wedding coordinator directing people here and there, the photographers snapping photos and the bridal party enjoying each others company. Yet in that moment, in the quietness of our hearts and minds, my husband and I were alone in the presence of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
> 
> My husband prayed that God would bless our marriage, that through thick or thin together we would never lose hope in one another. That instead of focusing on each others imperfections we would always rely on Christ’s perfection. That we would wake up every day and chose to love one another not through our own strength but by the power of Christ’s perfect love.
> 
> With our hands clenched tightly to one another together we said “Amen”, both with shaky voice and just like that I was whisked away to blot the tears off my face and put on my veil.
> 
> After my bridesmaids, mother, mother-in-law and every other girl in the room had finished zipping, curling, tucking and blushing me up I looked in the mirror. There I stood wearing my pure white wedding dress, ready to walk down the aisle to my Prince Charming.
> 
> See, he is not only my Prince Charming because of his incredibly handsome looks, or wonderful humor, or the fact that we have so much in common. He is my Prince Charming because he helped me protect the most precious gift that I owned, my purity.
> 
> Soon after we had started dating I nervously told my Prince that I was a virgin and planned to be until the night of my wedding; to which he replied he would have it no other way.
> 
> Throughout our dating relationship and engagement we constantly fought, what at times felt like a losing battle. We fought temptation with prayer, scripture and accountability. I had friends checking up on me if they knew we were together late at night and he regularly met with other Godly men to pray for strength. At times, especially as the wedding grew closer, we thought we were attempting to do the impossible.
> 
> “Why are we doing this?” I would ask in my weakness, and he would remind me, that it’s because God had told us too.
> 
> “I can’t do it, I can’t… this is too hard!” he would confess to me and I would pray for his strength.
> 
> When I walked down the aisle in my white dress, I looked straight into the eyes of the man that had laid himself down to protect and honor the wife that God had given him.
> 
> When his eyes first caught mine he looked into the face of the woman that had waited for him, the woman that would support him and love him for the rest of His life, through good times and bad.
> 
> I share all of this because in that prayer we prayed, which was captured here on camera we asked the Lord to use our wedding to bring Him all of the glory that He rightfully deserved. We had not gotten where we were by our own strength, but by His hand of protection on our relationship.
> 
> God has used this photo to inspire hundreds of thousands of people already and for that we are humbled and honored! I wanted to take it a step further and give God praise and thanks for how we arrived at that quiet corner, holding hands and ready to begin our lives together.



http://thepowerofprayer.tumblr.com/post/40525128644/powerofprayer


----------



## stephluv

^^^^^ awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww 

dang i really cant have no regrets that i'm not a virgin anymore but dang it would have been bittersweet to have waited for my Adam! I've been trying to make sure all my baby cousins wait until marriage tho Cant have the whole fam get caught up


----------



## sweetvi

good job stephluv


----------



## sweetvi

I love this video...I think we need a picker up

http://youtu.be/g1jv-pP07kQ


----------



## Maracujá

The Bible speaks about faith quite alot. What you believe is so important that on a number of occasions Jesus stated that someone was unable to heal because he or she did not believe. Sometimes you think you believe something because you profess it all of the time, not so. From the time I was a child I've been bombarded with images of this 'impossible love'. Whether it's Romeo and Juliette, the Disney princesses or Bollywood movies, in the mainstream media love is often portrayed as something that you crave so much but someway how is elusive to you and cannot be attained. First of all it's a fallacy because it places love in someone else and second of all it's the complete opposite of what The Bible teaches. In 1 Cor 13:8 it is stated that love never fails, key word here is NEVER. Yet I've heard people utter things like: "we really loved each other but it just didn't work out" or even "we really loved each other but it just wasn't meant to be", or how about "we will continue to love each other but have decided to go our separate ways"...ummm what? All that is fed into our psyche and subconsciously we start to believe that if two people truly love each other then something will always stand in their way and they won't be able to be together. When God clearly states that yes you will have a number of things stacked against you but you will triumph over them together. I will write more about what brought this train of thought forth tomorrow. Enjoy your weekend ladies!


----------



## bellatiamarie

I did some serious soul searching and heart purging tonight.  I'm single right now but I need to work on my relationship with Christ before I can even begin to think about a relationship with any man... I gotta get closer to Him.


----------



## Britt

bellatiamarie said:


> I did some serious soul searching and heart purging tonight.  I'm single right now but I need to work on my relationship with Christ before I can even begin to think about a relationship with any man... I gotta get closer to Him.



I'll hv a seat next you. I'm in the same boat. Though I'll be honest, I'm 31 and I find myself thinking - please Lord don't let this take forever  . But I realize I'm here fr own doing and trying to do what I thought was best. Since only He knows what's best and I'd like to avoid future heartache, why not let Him take the wheel? Why don't I start with even getting to know Him and have a relationship with Him?

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


----------



## Rae81

Brittster said:


> I'll hv a seat next you. I'm in the same boat. Though I'll be honest, I'm 31 and I find myself thinking - please Lord don't let this take forever  . But I realize I'm here fr own doing and trying to do what I thought was best. Since only He knows what's best and I'd like to avoid future heartache, why not let Him take the wheel? Why don't I start with even getting to know Him and have a relationship with Him?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using LHCF



Well slide over and let me sit next to yall. Im 32 and think the same thing "please dont let this take a long time" but where do I start. I know I need to read my bible more but where do i begin, thats my question


----------



## Phoenix14

Rae81 said:


> Well slide over and let me sit next to yall. Im 32 and think the same thing "please dont let this take a long time" but where do I start. I know I need to read my bible more but where do i begin, thats my question



Right here with you


----------



## Divine.

Rae81 Phoenix14 To begin a relationship with God, treat the relationship like you would with a man. You spend time getting to know this person. You make time for this person. You put your best foot forward. Treat God in this manner.

Buy a notebook or a prayer journal. Jot down all your thoughts to God. Tell him all of your struggles. The purpose of this is to realize that you cannot do it all by yourself. You need the Holy Spirit to comfort you and give you strength. Once you confess that you are literally nothing without the grace and mercy of our Father the healing can begin. 

Each day, spend intentional time with God. This is your quiet time. I would start with 30 minutes and increase it from there. Use this time to pray, worship, and read your bible. I find that 30 minutes is not enough time for me to spend time with God. I need at least an hour  Sometimes an hour isn't enough because I just love being in the presence of God. The enemy can't harm you when you are in God's presence. 

I spend my time with God in the morning because my work days are pretty hectic. I get up an hour earlier than I usually do and begin writing in my prayer journal. As I get ready for work I listen to praise and worship music. I try to read my bible in the morning, but I usually do this when I get home from work. 

If you need a good place to start in the bible, I would just start from the New Testament (I started with John) and read all the way through. Then use a bible study plan to go through the Old Testament. 

These all ways you can start getting to know God better. By no means is this the full scope of your relationship with God. This is only a starting point. I have been through several ups and downs with my relationship God so if anyone needs encouragement you can always PM me  Hope this helps!


----------



## bellatiamarie

^^^ Divine. I agree wholeheartedly... Begin your relationship with God by getting to know Him and spending time with Him... I know the way... Smh... whoever coined that phrase "when you know better, you do better" they LIED!!! I know the right way.... But I haven't made it a point to do better.

I read recently in one of my daily devotionals: "friendship [with God] gives you favor; intimacy gives you access." This hit me like a ton of bricks.... I'm friends with God... But I'm not truly intimate with Him... Intimacy with God requires some serious work and COMMITMENT... As with any truly intimate relationship.

I'm ready to take my relationship with God to a higher level.... I'm ready to not just praise Him for what He has done or what I would like for Him to do for me... but I want to be in a place where I sincerely praise and worship the Lord God simply because of who He is and because He is ALWAYS worthy.... No matter what my situation is.

This is what I meant when I said I had to do some soul searching and heart purging last night.... There are too many past hang-ups and too many distractions that have been really prohibiting me from giving my WHOLE heart to God... For me I think I have to realize that there is no quick fix and just like with any relationship I will have to put in the work and commit to really learning about who God is.


----------



## Divine.

bellatiamarie That's how my journey started! I can attest that your relationship with will not progress until you wholeheartedly seek the Lord. My relationship didn't really take off until I had a spiritual encounter with God. This actually happened recently. I really hope my previous post helps someone because I know what it feels like to be bound by the enemy. It feels horrible. And as single women in Christ, we are easy targets.

This journey won't always be easy but remember some of these promises:
* For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.* Matthew 7:8 KJV

*For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.* Luke 9:24 KJV

*Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.* Matthew 5:6 KJV

*Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.* Matthew 5:12 KJV

*Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.* Matthew 11:28 NIV

*However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"* 1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV


----------



## Phoenix14

My sister once told me that God doesn't give us the desire for a mate accidentally. He will fulfill His promise. I was telling her a few weeks ago how frustrated I was with the whole dating scene. She then told me something that has changed my outlook on life. She told me that somewhere, God has already prepared my mate and He is perfecting, shaping, and molding him just as he's doing with me. She said to open my heart to the Lord and fall so madly in love with him that my mate will have to seek God to find me. She suggested writing my desires and frustrations and my search for the Lord's innermost heart in my journal. And then she suggested something I'd never heard before:

She told me to pray for my husband. Pray for the man I'm yet to meet and to thank God for his creation. So since that moment I've been praying for my husband and writing my praises to God.

That conversation gave me the strength to end a relationship I knew I had no business being in and now my prayer, terrifying as it may be (because man we get lonely sometimes), is for God to turn my eyes upon Him first and that he keep me veiled and secluded from my husband until the opportune time. God's will. Not mine.


----------



## Maracujá

* poof poof *


----------



## stephluv

bellatiamarie said:


> I did some serious soul searching and heart purging tonight. I'm single right now but I need to work on my relationship with Christ before I can even begin to think about a relationship with any man... I gotta get closer to Him.


 


Brittster said:


> I'll hv a seat next you. I'm in the same boat. Though I'll be honest, I'm 31 and I find myself thinking - please Lord don't let this take forever  . But I realize I'm here fr own doing and trying to do what I thought was best. Since only He knows what's best and I'd like to avoid future heartache, why not let Him take the wheel? Why don't I start with even getting to know Him and have a relationship with Him?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


 


Rae81 said:


> Well slide over and let me sit next to yall. Im 32 and think the same thing "please dont let this take a long time" but where do I start. I know I need to read my bible more but where do i begin, thats my question


 


Phoenix14 said:


> Right here with you


 
JESUS take the wheel of the bus we're on lol *slides bus pass and takes seat* Glad to know i'm not the only one that cant wait for their stop so they can hop off lol


----------



## stephluv

bellatiamarie said:


> ^^^ @Divine. I agree wholeheartedly... Begin your relationship with God by getting to know Him and spending time with Him... I know the way... Smh... whoever coined that phrase "when you know better, you do better" they LIED!!! I know the right way.... But I haven't made it a point to do better.
> 
> *I read recently in one of my daily devotionals: "friendship [with God] gives you favor; intimacy gives you access." This hit me like a ton of bricks.... I'm friends with God... But I'm not truly intimate with Him... Intimacy with God requires some serious work and COMMITMENT... As with any truly intimate relationship.*
> 
> I'm ready to take my relationship with God to a higher level.... I'm ready to not just praise Him for what He has done or what I would like for Him to do for me... but I want to be in a place where I sincerely praise and worship the Lord God simply because of who He is and because He is ALWAYS worthy.... No matter what my situation is.
> 
> This is what I meant when I said I had to do some soul searching and heart purging last night.... There are too many past hang-ups and too many distractions that have been really prohibiting me from giving my WHOLE heart to God... *For me I think I have to realize that there is no quick fix and just like with any relationship I will have to put in the work and commit to really learning about who God is*.


 


Phoenix14 said:


> That conversation gave me the strength to end a relationship I knew I had no business being in and now my prayer, terrifying as it may be (because man we get lonely sometimes), is *for God to turn my eyes upon Him first and that he keep me veiled and secluded from my husband until the opportune time. God's will. Not mine*.


 
bellatiamarie & Phoenix14 Both of these posts spoke to me and ITA! These last few wks i've been chatting with seasoned women who are married and alot of them told me that I need to ENJOY my single life...they actually admitted that intimacy they had with God was the best when single! It gave me alot of comfort and I realized yea they are right before I get settled with a husband and children I really need to get intimate with God!


----------



## Maracujá

Happy sunday ladies! Spent the day with my family and it was really nice. Just a lil something that has been on my mind lately: every so often when I'm online I'll read about a married woman talking about how she had to stop hanging out with her single gfs because they simply did not understand her life as a married woman or that she simply couldn't get any sound advice from them because well...they're single. It used to hurt me and at one point I even tried to look at it from their point of view but the good thing about reading Scriptures is that you start understanding things better. 

One of the most profound sermons on singleness is the one Tony Evans preached, about how to be a Kingdom Single (I believe it was momi who posted it here). As singles we may be second class citizens on earth but in God's Kingdom we are first class citizens. To get to the point: it is no coincidence that God chose two people whose marital status read single to lay down the foundation of marital life, Jesus and the Apostle Paul. People love to quote Cor 13:4 at their weddings  and then poo poo on single folks, umm yeah, miss me with that.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Why do y'all think God allows the marriage crisis to continue?  I see many people who want to do marriage His way but still can't seem to find suitable partners.  There are people out there who would be compatible with others and would be sorely-needed examples of marriage as God intended in the world, and yet He (seemingly) allows things to carry on as is.  Why do you think that is?  Why doesn't He just put more people together?  I'm not sure we can answer this question obviously but it might be interesting to discuss.  Do you think strong singles are more needed in the world today than solid married couples?


----------



## Britt

Here you go ladies ... Becoming a Kingdom Single


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> Do you think strong singles are more needed in the world today than solid married couples?



The way I see it, He needs both. And there's an interactional relationship between the two. To sorta piggyback on my last post: married couples need singles to thrive, they don't always see it that way but it goes back to what was said in the Bible. A single person is concerned with God's affairs and therefore knows Scripture better (or at least should), a married couple has to tend to the marriage & children and therefore has little time to devote to Scripture even though they may need it the most. That's where singles come in, Jesus had time to pray every single day for up to 4 hours, can you imagine? No married couple has time to do this, unless they're doing a not so well job of rearing their children and tending to their ministry (=marriage) . And as singles we need married couples for companionship and our very existence depends on them . 

This is sorta OT but my sister told me a story that really had me like :s. She's friends with a couple; one day they decided to host a dinner but didn't invite her because it was for couples only they said (so they invited other couples). This reasoning makes no sense at all, singles are the ones who need company, not some other couple...to each their own though.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> The way I see it, He needs both. And there's an interactional relationship between the two. To sorta piggyback on my last post: married couples need singles to thrive, they don't always see it that way but it goes back to what was said in the Bible. A single person is concerned with God's affairs and therefore knows Scripture better (or at least should), a married couple has to tend to the marriage & children and therefore has little time to devote to Scripture even though they may need it the most. That's where singles come in, Jesus had time to pray every single day for up to 4 hours, can you imagine? No married couple has time to do this, unless they're doing a not so well job of rearing their children and tending to their ministry (=marriage) . And as singles we need married couples for companionship and our very existence depends on them .
> 
> This is sorta OT but my sister told me a story that really had me like :s. She's friends with a couple; one day they decided to host a dinner but didn't invite her because it was for couples only they said (so they invited other couples). This reasoning makes no sense at all, singles are the ones who need company, not some other couple...to each their own though.



I need to get back to a structured devotional life.

Yes, I think married people forget what it was like to be single.  I always said that if I marry, I will try to remember the singles, especially the women.  It gets lonely.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Ladies, how are you dealing with your desire for motherhood erplexed
Seeing the pics of Tia's and Ivanka's babies in the entertainment forum made me a little sad.  Just wondering if I will get to experience that?


----------



## bellatiamarie

^^^ I feel you.... Seeing these cute babies all over the place has my womb jumping, leaping, and doing front and back flips.... When I worked with kids I'd be like "nope, I don't want it" but now I work with older adults and find myself really wanting babies and a family.... Also, I don't know why but working with the elderly has me feeling like I need to hurry up and get married/have kids because life is short.... But the devil is a liar and my God is the father of time so I'll wait on Him.


----------



## Rae81

I feel like it won't happen honestly. I'm trying to be positive and have faith that it will happen. But it is difficult because I am 32 and I'm not getting any younger, however I do know God can do anything and I have things I need to work on with myself first before I can even think about getting married.


----------



## stephluv

Belle Du Jour && bellatiamarie
I know how you ladies feel....i'm getting these emotions as well...I experienced assisting with a natural birth 2wks ago and now i'm like Lord when did all these emotions and yearning to be a mother come from. I mean i like kids but now i cant wait to be a mother whereas before I just wanted to know how it felt to be pregnant lol

I wont let anyone tell me that my clock is ticking tho I have faith that I will have SEVERAL children and get married and be an active God seeking humble Christian with a successful career! I claim that and ladies dont let the enemy have you questioning things only God can control. Stay in survivor mode at all times with a praise before, during and after these storms!

Rae81 - dont even let that feeling take over! Stay faithful 32 is young to our God and to me! He's opened up the wombs and married off females older. Just stay in his word and enjoy having this time to develop a relationship with the Lord. I talk to women now who are like I had such a great relationship with the Lord and I loved it and when I got married and had kids I was not able to commit as much time with the Lord. So think of it this way He thinks your sooooooo special Hes holding off your man and kids just so he can have a little bit more of you to himself precious! Dont forget that love God has for you cause he knows your worth and not just anyone can call you their wife and or their mommy!

whew we may need to start a weekly prayer just so we can rebuke these negative feelings


----------



## stephluv

Brittster said:


> Here you go ladies ... Becoming a Kingdom Single


 

Brittster - thanks just wasnt enough!!!


----------



## Britt

stephluv said:


> @Brittster - thanks just wasnt enough!!!


 
You're welcome !!!


----------



## Rae81

Thank u so much for what u wrote. I really needed to hear that stephluv


----------



## Britt

stephluv said:


> @Belle Du Jour && @bellatiamarie
> I know how you ladies feel....i'm getting these emotions as well...I experienced assisting with a natural birth 2wks ago and now i'm like Lord when did all these emotions and yearning to be a mother come from. I mean i like kids but now i cant wait to be a mother whereas before I just wanted to know how it felt to be pregnant lol
> 
> I wont let anyone tell me that my clock is ticking tho I have faith that I will have SEVERAL children and get married and be an active God seeking humble Christian with a successful career! I claim that and ladies dont let the enemy have you questioning things only God can control. Stay in survivor mode at all times with a praise before, during and after these storms!
> 
> @Rae81 - dont even let that feeling take over! Stay faithful 32 is young to our God and to me! He's opened up the wombs and married off females older. *Just stay in his word and enjoy having this time to develop a relationship with the Lord. I talk to women now who are like I had such a great relationship with the Lord and I loved it and when I got married and had kids I was not able to commit as much time with the Lord. So think of it this way He thinks your sooooooo special Hes holding off your man and kids just so he can have a little bit more of you to himself precious! Dont forget that love God has for you cause he knows your worth and not just anyone can call you their wife and or their mommy!*
> 
> whew we may need to start a weekly prayer just so we can rebuke these negative feelings


 
Thank you thank you thank you !!!


----------



## bellatiamarie

Soooo.... Today is my 29th birthday!!!! And for the last few days I have been dreading today and just feeling sad and lonely because here it is yet another year gone by and I am still single... Well, yesterday, my grandmother called and left me a voicemail message saying "Do not fear! You are of more value than many sparrows!" this had come from the daily devotional that she gets for me so I immediately began crying then I read the devotional for the day.... God knew I needed that word... It TOTALLY lifted my spirits instantly and all I could do was cry and praise Him!  

So today's devotional is a continuation/part two from yesterday's and when I tell you ladies it is RIGHT ON TIME!!! I thought I'd share it with you girls.......

"I am like... A sparrow alone on the housetop" Ps 102:6-7 NKJV Friday 10/18

A lonely sparrow.  The psalmist wrote, "I am like... A sparrow alone on the housetop." Has your nest been torn apart by a storm? Have you lost your mate? Jesus can relate.  His disciples didn't "get Him."  They argued over who would be the greatest.  They failed to pray with Him in His most difficult moments.  On the cross He cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Mt 27:46).  We smile at the story of the single lady who hung a pair of trousers on her bedpost, then sent God a letter: "Father in heaven, help me if you can.  I've hung a pair of trousers here, please fill them with a man.". Seriously, loneliness can be devastating to your self-worth.  Young people wonder if they will ever find the right person to marry.  Older people fear ending life all alone.  The God who knew that Adam was incomplete not only created Eve for him, but actually introduced them and brought them together.  And He can do the same for you.  If you are widowed, divorced, or never married and want to find a mate, don't be anxious.  God says, "I know... where you dwell" (Rev 2:13 NKJV). God knows your name, your address, and every detail about you.  And better yet, He cares! And one more thought: sometimes loneliness is not the absence of affection but the absence of direction; not the absence of people but the absence of purpose.  So begin to reach out to others.  Find a need no one is meeting, pour your life into it and watch how things begin to improve for you.


----------



## PinkPebbles

bellatiamarie :birthday2  Roses for you :Rose::Rose::Rose: .

Enjoy your day...if you are able - take yourself to see a movie, buy something special for yourself ( perfume, earrings, an outfit); pamper yourself at the spa...whatever you do, don't let this special day go to waste.

You don't have to wait until someone joins you in order to have a good time and cherish this special day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...go and Celebrate!!!!


----------



## Rae81

Happy birthday!!! bellatiamarie . Thank u for sharing that with us. It was right on time


----------



## Divine.

Every time I think about idolizing another relationship or friendship, I always have to put things into perspective. What is more important? Temporary love and acceptance or God's unconditional love?

Even though we have our days where it feels like it's not getting better, just know God's love is always surrounding you. People won't give you the peace you're looking for. The comfort of the Holy Spirit will.

The longer we run from our season, the longer God will keep us in it. Keep that in mind the next time you feel like giving up. Embrace it. Garner wisdom. Use this time to worship God with every bone of your being. 

I say this as I am currently going through a tough season. But I know in my heart that God is preparing me and one day I will be able to use my current situation for His glory.

I hope you all have a great Sunday.


----------



## Phoenix14

Apparently I've had an air of defeat and negativity around me and others are noticing. I am frustrated as heck! Can I say that? I'm just done with this desire for a spouse that it feels as if it's draining me. It seems as if everyone from family, close friends, even strangers, keep asking me why I'm single. I just smile and say I don't know because honestly I don't. 

In the past week I've had two men I formerly dealt with, seek me out to apologize for how they treated me in the past. And both have been a result of their own personal spiritual walks and self awareness. They both told me they did not know how to receive my kindness and affection and that they did not and currently do not deserve it. So basically I have the right love, but not the right time, or the right target. _God, you're speaking to me in such a way that I can't ignore it anymore. You are my one and only love and you are a jealous God who clearly isn't tolerating me sharing my energy, time ,and heart with these non-deserving men. _

Did I mention that all of this happened as soon as I made the decision to embark on a man fast? That said, I have this book my other sent me that I keep ignoring. She told me that she prayed I would not find a spouse until I complete this book and truly understand what God is trying to tell me. Gee thanks Mom. 

Off Topic: I had the biggest crush on this guy from church for months now. I disobeyed my sister and tried to make things happen on my time. I am no longer attracted to him, he went from staring at me and smiling and being friendly to essentially treating me like every other person around him. It hurts, but it's all good.


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## Sosa

I'm officially single now. I sure hope I made the right decision


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## Divine.

Sosa said:


> I'm officially single now. I sure hope I made the right decision



If the relationship was putting a wedge between you and God, you did  If something in your spirit was telling you to end it, you did.


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## Sosa

Divine. said:


> If the relationship was putting a wedge between you and God, you did  If something in your spirit was telling you to end it, you did.



Thank you so much for saying that Divine. The relationship was putting some wedge in between me and God...but I was confused because we are both PKs and everything looks right on paper etc.still I couldn't keep dealing with the same issues any longer. *sigh*

Never thought I would be single and childless at my age, but here I am! I'm fighting not to let fear set in, because God has been soo faithful in the past it's really silly to stop trusting Him now. 

Great woman of faith that my mother is, she still believes I can give her 4 grandbabies before I am 40.


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## Divine.

Sosa You're welcome 

It's so funny that you mention everything looks right on paper. I was in a situation like that. Sometimes we are given a person who looks great on paper, but things still don't come together "perfectly". This could be because they are a counterfeit from the enemy, or God could just be saying time out.  

You already know God is faithful. He will not forsake you during this time either. It's okay to be afraid, but take comfort in knowing that God knows all. Everything that happens is a part of his great plan for you. He knows the decisions you will make even before you make them. Although this break up may hurt, the pain is only temporary.

If you let Him, God will show you how faithful He is to his children. This situation is no different. Cling to God and He will show you all the areas you need Him the most right now. Let the Holy Spirit lead you. Not your feelings. _The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?_ 

Like I said, you made the right decision. Do not let your emotions tell you otherwise. Trust God wholeheartedly.


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## mscurly

Ladies I need to vent............

I'm feeling better now but the last few weeks have not been easy for me at all. I'm 31 and have been single/celibate for 2 years. It's starting to drive me crazy. I so desperately wanted to be married and have children. I have friends that are married heck I even have friends & family that are dating men that aren't even divorced yet! And they're going on living happy lives while I sit here alone. Even if you have a life and friends it STILL gets lonely. I think about it most at night when I come home to an empty apartment  

It's gotten so obvious that people are now starting to ask me the questions "What are you waiting for?" "You're still not married yet?" You don't wanna get married?". My mother has never been the type to be pushy about marriage or ask me when I'm going to settle down. But the other day we were having lunch and she says to me Your Dad and I were talking about how nice it would be if you met someone and got married. That really almost brought me to tears. I cry on the phone to my sister all the time about how lonely I am. My sister just left her husband and is living with a man who's not even divorced himself! She talks about how much he loves and supports her. I'm like Lord this really sucks. Here I am being faithful and still nothing. 

I ended this relationship with a guy who I thought God intended to be my husband. I'm still devastated about that one 
I started dating these 2 new guys in the hopes to help me get over him. Plus I started to feel like maybe I should be more proactive about meeting someone. Truth is I know neither one of them is my husband and I should end it and keep on waiting on God. 

I'm trying to learn to be content with just God but some days are harder than others. 

This is so hard pray for me y'all..........................


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## Glib Gurl

Phoenix14 said:


> I have this book my other sent me that I keep ignoring. She told me that she prayed I would not find a spouse until I complete this book and truly understand what God is trying to tell me. Gee thanks Mom.


 
Phoenix14 What book, if you don't mind my asking?


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## Phoenix14

Glib Gurl said:


> Phoenix14 What book, if you don't mind my asking?



It's called The Sacred Search (What if it's not about who you marry, but why?) by Gary Thomas


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