# Strong Christian/Weak Christian -- Compatable for dating?



## Scasey (Apr 18, 2005)

I have a question for those strong in thier relationship with the Lord.  Would you date a Chrisitan who was not as strong in thier relationship as you?

I ask because I was told that someone who appears to be very strong in his relationship with God (he is at church almost every time the doors open) has expressed interest in me.  I am interested in him as well; however, I feel so inadequate.  Although, I am a Chrisitan and attend church regularly, I do things that are just not becoming of a Chrisitan, i.e. cursing, gossiping, etc.

I am afraid that I will be not be my true self in an effort to be respectful.  I am not proud of my faults and I make efforts to correct my behavior but I always go back to my old ways.  I am flattered that he is attracted to me but I think I have a lot more growing to do to be on his level. 

Let me know your thoughts and thanks for listening.


----------



## Janice (Apr 18, 2005)

I know how you feel, even though people at my church will consider me "strong" I feel like that there is so much more growth that I need to do before being in any kind of relationship.

You just take it one day at a time. We are all works of progress or as I would like to say "Under Construction".  



We wil never be "all there". Knowing all your bible just doens't cut it as well. Even the devil can quote his scripture. Meet with God everyday, pray, ask him for a zeal for his word, to reveal himself to you. Trust him and watch  him begin to change your heart and the way that you think. God is not pleased with a life of perfection, but with a life that continually is led by faith. By faith we are transformed. We cannot change in our strength. Faith comes by hearing the word and beliveing it.

You'll be alright, sometimes the devil does this to us and points at our inadequacies. But God counts us worthy and we should be dependent on him for everything. He rejoices in the humble heart.Just focus on him and he will put that person in your life at his appointed time.


I personally wouldn't date a "weak" spirtual man. But I will not hold that against him. If it is God's will then let it be, ...but I believe God will allow him more time to grow before we can be together


The bible clearly states that the man should be stronger than the woman as he is suppose to be head over the family..This does not mean as women/wives that we are to be taken advantage of .


Ephesians 5:23 -24 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.   


1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.   


In Proverbs 31, it does speak of "The Virtuous Woman." This can be a model for all women of God to look up to.

10-11Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.The  heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

 30-31 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. 


Our aim and standard however is to be Christlike, since he is the absolute standard of perfection.

HTH, 

Janice


----------



## Janice (Apr 18, 2005)

Another thing, appearances can be deceiving. Spend time with this person. Get to see how they are when they are around their family or friends. This is where someone's true character come out. In all pray about it. God will show you. Just be yourself. Afterall you want him to fall in love with the "real you" not someone whom he thinks you are.If he can't accept you as you are, dust off your feet and move on. Trust God as he knows best.


----------



## Scasey (Apr 18, 2005)

Janice,
Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback.  Your words are very encouraging and I appreciate your reference that we are "under construction".  I know that no one is perfect but I also know that I could do better.  Why did it take someone be interested in me to encourage me to take a stronger walk?  

Thank you, you have been a blessing in more ways than you will ever know.


----------



## Honeyhips (Apr 19, 2005)

On the surface it doesn't seem wise to do it


----------



## starryeye (Apr 19, 2005)

You asked why does it take another person to make you want a stronger walk, well that is what it is all about isn't it. You want a man that you can admire and look up to, that is the only way that he can be the head right?

Just because he is there everytime the doors open does not mean that he does not have his weaknesses. He is human as well and the fact that he makes you want to be a better person and you do not know him that well is a wonderful thing. 

I do not see anything wrong with letting someone help you strengthen your walk and your faith, we are all here to help one another. 

Jesus loved the people that were weak and not up to par and that is how he loves the church that is how a husband should help his wife. To lift her up and to inspire her to be better. 

If you have to stop cursing while you are around him doesn't that help you to stop cursing and be aware that you are doing it?
If you can stop gossiping and decide to help someone or better yourself doesn't that make you feel better? It can really be a good thing for your spirit to be around people that make you want to stop doing the things that you should not be doing anyway. It helps us grow in all areas!!

God is blessing you!!!


----------



## Poohbear (Apr 19, 2005)

I believe a Strong Christian and a Weak Christian can be compatible for dating.  As long as they have the same beliefs and values and of equal yoke, they will be fine.  With God, nothing is impossible.  It can also be a beneficial relationship if the stronger Christian helps bring up the weaker Christian in their daily walk with the Lord.


----------



## Sweet C (Apr 19, 2005)

If you have a strong and weak Christian, ideally it needs to be the man that is stronger b/c he is to be priest of the home.  Often times, as a couple, you might have a point where the woman is stronger, and this encourages the man to study more, and vice versa.  I would have to say that it also depends on the difference in spiritual levels as well, b/c that can be a little more hurtful than helpful in certain situations.    
But above all, let the Lord led you in all your rlps and don't be discouraged b/c this young man seems to be "stronger" than you.  We all have our weaknesses and temptations.


----------



## BLESSED1 (Apr 19, 2005)

I was going through this, I felt I was the stronger Christian. This thread helped me out a lot:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=50754&highlight=unequally+yoked


----------



## JuJuBoo (Apr 19, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> I believe a Strong Christian and a Weak Christian can be compatible for dating.  As long as they have the same beliefs and values and of equal yoke, they will be fine.  With God, nothing is impossible.  It can also be a beneficial relationship if the stronger Christian helps bring up the weaker Christian in their daily walk with the Lord.



see, I've tried this before...I hate to say it, but the strong Christian hardly *EVER* brings the weaker Christian closer to the Lord. I've tried it.......*IT DoESN"T WORK*.  

It happened to me once, and I'll never do it again. And the person I dated was a CHRISTIAN...shoot, his parents were pastors, but *NOPE*, he was not on the same level spiritually and it created a problem. 

I'm a strong advocate *against* missionary dating. In my eyes, if you're not on the same spiritual level, then you're not equally yoked. 


Sorry to be so blunt.  I've seen it fail too many times to think it's cool...


----------



## Koffie (Apr 19, 2005)

JuJuBoo said:
			
		

> see, I've tried this before...I hate to say it, but the strong Christian hardly *EVER* brings the weaker Christian closer to the Lord. I've tried it.......*IT DoESN"T WORK*.
> 
> It happened to me once, and I'll never do it again. And the person I dated was a CHRISTIAN...shoot, his parents were pastors, but *NOPE*, he was not on the same level spiritually and it created a problem.
> 
> ...



I agree with this.


----------



## Honeyhips (Apr 19, 2005)

I totally agree.  





			
				JuJuBoo said:
			
		

> see, I've tried this before...I hate to say it, but the strong Christian hardly *EVER* brings the weaker Christian closer to the Lord. I've tried it.......*IT DoESN"T WORK*.
> 
> It happened to me once, and I'll never do it again. And the person I dated was a CHRISTIAN...shoot, his parents were pastors, but *NOPE*, he was not on the same level spiritually and it created a problem.
> 
> ...


----------



## GodsPromises (Apr 19, 2005)

It can work.  I think that I am the weak one in my marriage.  My DH is called and has answered the call to the ministry, he is always studying to show himself approved.  Now I love the Lord with all of my heart, but I don't study as I should I have gotten better but not where I would like to be.  I say all of that to say, that my DH doesn't allow me to pull him down in fact he has made me want to study more, learn more ask more questions and dig deeper.  So it can work as long as the strong one doesn't allow any one to pull them backwards.


----------



## Poohbear (Apr 19, 2005)

JuJuBoo said:
			
		

> see, I've tried this before...I hate to say it, but the strong Christian hardly *EVER* brings the weaker Christian closer to the Lord. I've tried it.......*IT DoESN"T WORK*.
> 
> It happened to me once, and I'll never do it again. And the person I dated was a CHRISTIAN...shoot, his parents were pastors, but *NOPE*, he was not on the same level spiritually and it created a problem.
> 
> ...


Well all I said is that it CAN work... not that it WILL in all cases.   It happened to me too about 4 years ago where I was the stronger Christian and the guy I was dating at the time had a father that was a preacher and everything but he was not on the same level AT ALL. It only lasted 3 months with him.


----------



## JuJuBoo (Apr 20, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> *It only lasted 3 months with him.*




*MY POINT EXACTLY!*


----------



## JuJuBoo (Apr 20, 2005)

LadyR said:
			
		

> It can work.  I think that I am the weak one in my marriage.  My DH is called and has answered the call to the ministry, he is always studying to show himself approved.  Now I love the Lord with all of my heart, but I don't study as I should I have gotten better but not where I would like to be.  I say all of that to say, that my DH doesn't allow me to pull him down in fact he has made me want to study more, learn more ask more questions and dig deeper.  So it can work as long as the strong one doesn't allow any one to pull them backwards.




I understand where you're coming from LadyR. That happens alot especially when you have a partner that's called to the ministry. I think in Christian marraiges your always going to have a parter that studies more than the other. I mean, hey, that's ATTRACTIVE. I hope I find a man like that!

I'm talking about when you have one partner who's *BASIC* Christian convictions are not as set or strong as the other partner's. Can we say "problems"?


----------



## Janice (Apr 20, 2005)

I am glad to be of any help. I don't know God's will for you and this man. But I know that God brings people into our lives for a reason. Maybe this is an eye opener for you to get start getting serious with seeking God. I know that a  "real " man of God is ultimately going to be attracted to a "strong "woman of God. By strong , I mean a woman with deep convictions, who doesn't compromise, knows who she is in Christ, etc. Beauty can only keep his attention for so long. So grow in that word. Remember one day at a time. Its a spiritual walk not a marathnon, lol. HTH sweetie.

Janice







			
				Scasey said:
			
		

> Janice,
> Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback.  Your words are very encouraging and I appreciate your reference that we are "under construction".  I know that no one is perfect but I also know that I could do better.  Why did it take someone be interested in me to encourage me to take a stronger walk?
> 
> Thank you, you have been a blessing in more ways than you will ever know.


----------



## sithembile (Apr 20, 2005)

JuJuBoo said:
			
		

> see, I've tried this before...I hate to say it, but the strong Christian hardly *EVER* brings the weaker Christian closer to the Lord. I've tried it.......*IT DoESN"T WORK*.
> 
> It happened to me once, and I'll never do it again. And the person I dated was a CHRISTIAN...shoot, his parents were pastors, but *NOPE*, he was not on the same level spiritually and it created a problem.
> 
> ...



ITA, missionary dating doesn't work! Plus I'd feel bad that I was only "ministering" to that person because I want to hook up with them, not because I want to see them grow in the Lord for themselves!


----------



## Poohbear (Apr 20, 2005)

JuJuBoo said:
			
		

> *MY POINT EXACTLY!*


 You got it!


----------



## Supergirl (Apr 21, 2005)

Scasey said:
			
		

> I have a question for those strong in thier relationship with the Lord.  Would you date a Chrisitan who was not as strong in thier relationship as you?
> 
> I ask because I was told that someone who appears to be very strong in his relationship with God (he is at church almost every time the doors open) has expressed interest in me.  I am interested in him as well; however, I feel so inadequate.  Although, I am a Chrisitan and attend church regularly, I do things that are just not becoming of a Chrisitan, i.e. cursing, gossiping, etc.
> 
> ...



Okay, first of all get your behind to the Dallas meeting thread!  Now on with business--I'd like to applaud your maturity to recognize where you are in your walk and to be humble enough to recognize your own weaknesses.  That's admirable in itself and a preliminary step to changing those things if you choose.  

Next, do not feel inadequate.  I remember feeling like that about my now fiancee at the time that we started dating.  I felt that he was VERY spiritual and that I was just KIND of spiritual.  It's really not for us to evaluate and compare ourselves to others.  We should ALL ALWAYS be striving toward more and greater.  

If you are interested in this man and you'd been contemplating growth in your walk anyway and contemplating making new choices for your life as far as stopping the behaviors that you don't like about yourself, then the gentleman could actually serve as a further inspiration for you to do so.  Not saying that you should change FOR HIM, but that sometimes we meet people that inspire us to higher levels and cause us to want to do better.  (not even necessarily opposite sex people can inspire us in this way)  

If you would feel fake or false if you dated him then perhaps you are not ready to change you.  If you have no goal of self-improvement right now, then do the mature thing and do not pursue a relationship with him at this time.  

Whatever you decide, remember that you are worthy of God's best!


----------



## Vintagecoilylocks (Apr 22, 2005)

Well you could put it in reference to "seek ye first the Kingdom of God".  Is where he is where you want to be?.   Is being a more spiritual Godly woman who is a good match for a spiritually strong man your own goal?. If yes then work on that.  He will decide if he wants to take a chance on someone possibly not on his level.  Maybe he see's you differently.  Do not because you like him yet have no desire to improve your spirituality.  If it is your desire to grow in the Lord you are equals spiritually.


----------



## Poohbear (Apr 22, 2005)

But you know what? We really can't determine whether a Christian is stronger or weaker than another Christian.  We all have different levels with our relationship with God.  I don't think there's any relationship where both partners are equally strong or equally weak as a Christian.  Has anyone here every thought about that?


----------



## JuJuBoo (Apr 22, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> But you know what? We really can't determine whether a Christian is stronger or weaker than another Christian.  We all have different levels with our relationship with God.  I don't think there's any relationship where both partners are equally strong or equally weak as a Christian.  Has anyone here every thought about that?




Hmm, very interesting.  Although *It is possible to be equally strong/weak!* 

For example, I met a guy in college and we're still the best of friends - both of us are the EXACT spiritual level - (to the point where it's scary. I'm praying this man's my husband, but anyway that's another thread.   ) There are things that he's stronger and I'm weaker in...and things that I'm stronger in and he's weaker in. For example, he studies the Word like CRAZY and get's mad revelation ALL THE TIME--yet he admits that his prayer life is weak. I'm the exact opposite! Yes I read my word and study it, but my prayer life is probably a bit stronger. So in a sense, we balance eachother out and encourage eachother in those weak areas.


----------



## Vintagecoilylocks (Apr 22, 2005)

I see couples who have the equal desires to learn and grow in the Lord.  They constently inspire and learn from each other and equally can admonish in love for the Lord.  There energies are for their growth spiritually.  I believe them to be equally strong for they have the same growing desire in their heart to love and please the Lord.  I think that is a good indicator.  Ones desires and then acts upon those desires.  Only God will know our level. Though it sounds like he is only concerned with our continuing to seek him with all our heart and soul and not measuring where we are.  So people can be obviously weaker or stronger in this area.


----------



## Janice (Apr 22, 2005)

Vintagecoilylocks said:
			
		

> I see couples who have the equal desires to learn and grow in the Lord.  They constently inspire and learn from each other and equally can admonish in love for the Lord.  There energies are for their growth spiritually.  I believe them to be equally strong for they have the same growing desire in their heart to love and please the Lord.  I think that is a good indicator.  Ones desires and then acts upon those desires.  Only God will know our level. Though it sounds like he is only concerned with our continuing to seek him with all our heart and soul and not measuring where we are.  So people can be obviously weaker or stronger in this area.




 I also agree that we shouldn't get into this habit of comparing ourselves to one another. We  all are at different areas in our walk. This takes focus off of looking to Christ, who is our model. Afterall , he was the one that died for me .As long as the desire to grow is there and the heart is right (our motives) God will reveal himself to you as you seek him diligently.


----------



## JuJuBoo (Apr 22, 2005)

Vintagecoilylocks said:
			
		

> I see couples who have the equal desires to learn and grow in the Lord.  They constently inspire and learn from each other and equally can admonish in love for the Lord.  There energies are for their growth spiritually.  *I believe them to be equally strong for they have the same growing desire in their heart to love and please the Lord.  I think that is a good indicator. * Ones desires and then acts upon those desires.  Only God will know our level. Though it sounds like he is only concerned with our continuing to seek him with all our heart and soul and not measuring where we are.  So people can be obviously weaker or stronger in this area.




Good point!


----------



## Scasey (Apr 23, 2005)

Janice said:
			
		

> I am glad to be of any help. I don't know God's will for you and this man. But I know that God brings people into our lives for a reason. Maybe this is an eye opener for you to get start getting serious with seeking God.
> Janice



That is exactly what it has done.  I appreciate all of you guys giving me your honest feedback.


----------

