# Christian Eloping



## Aviah (Oct 21, 2009)

BIG HYPOTHETICAL: I was having a conversation about this and made a joke about eloping. But then began to really think about it, I doubt to an extent that I personally would, but what say ye?
 I'm not talking about two 18-year-olds running away from their parents. I'm talking about level-headed adults , who understand the roles and responsibilities of marriage. Why? Lets say there wasn't enough money to have the wedding they wanted now, and waiting meant years. The "real wedding" could still occur at that later date. 
Keeping in mind over time couples do begin to "burn":
1 Cor 7:8-9
"8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. "

DISCLAIMER: Obviously this scripture does not mean that individuals should marry recklessly, as a marriage is much more than sex.

Let the discussion begin!


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## Shimmie (Oct 21, 2009)

Aviah said:


> BIG HYPOTHETICAL: I was having a conversation about this and made a joke about eloping. But then began to really think about it, I doubt to an extent that I personally would, but what say ye?
> I'm not talking about two 18-year-olds running away from their parents. I'm talking about level-headed adults , who understand the roles and responsibilities of marriage. Why? Lets say there wasn't enough money to have the wedding they wanted now, and waiting meant years. The "real wedding" could still occur at that later date.
> Keeping in mind over time couples do begin to "burn":
> 1 Cor 7:8-9
> ...


Are you talking a Vegas Wedding in an Elvis chapel?     

Serious Answer:  Eloping isn't a sin.   Even if the couple is *well able* to afford a huge wedding, with the entire works, there are some who prefer the quiet intimacy of just them and God which makes the marriage more than a 'show' but of their pure hearts which they vow to be eternal.  

Marriage isn't about the wedding, so much as it is about the 'Marriage'.  Too many couples make this huge mistake and after the big ceremony, reality sets in and it's time to begin real life.  

I think that a couple who elopes, has real life expectations and simply prefer to downplay the gala and put more into their Marriage and being one with God and one another.  

Many, many marriages occur privately in the Pastor's chambers then not.    They announce later of their new beginning.  :Rose:


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## Aviah (Oct 21, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Are you talking a Vegas Wedding in an Elvis chapel?
> 
> Serious Answer:  Eloping isn't a sin.   Even if the couple is *well able* to afford a huge wedding, with the entire works, there are some who prefer the quiet intimacy of just them and God which makes the marriage more than a 'show' but of their pure hearts which they vow to be eternal.
> 
> ...



Well I would hope no one really wanted to do it Vegas style, but I can't speak for some! I wholeheartedly agree with your post, but there are additional points to consider:
-Iit could be against honoring yor father and mother. Obviously they wold want to (in most circumstances) be there for the big day, and may be considered a dishonor to some.  
-Secondly, coud it be regarded as deception to be married and "pretend" as if you're not until you announce your new beginning? Obviously the couple wouldd have to live apart as living together might be a "giveaway" especially for Christians. How would it work in that circumstance, as the settings are obviously more challenging?


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## dicapr (Oct 21, 2009)

I think eloping could be an option.  However, most chrisitians I know who eloped let people know what they were doing or shortly after the fact.  I don't think you can keep the fact that you are married a secret even if you wanted to.  Most people are just busting to tell someone.  I had friends elope because they both had huge families and couldn't get the wedding stuff to the satisfaction of both families.  They didn't keep it a secret but they promised a big blow out later on.  My brother and sister-in-law didn't elope but only invited 6 people all together.  Most of their friends found out later.  They changed the voice mail on the cell phones to announce that they just got married and they would get back to you after the "honeymoon".


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## Shimmie (Oct 21, 2009)

Aviah said:


> Well I would hope no one really wanted to do it Vegas style, but I can't speak for some! I wholeheartedly agree with your post, but there are additional points to consider:
> -Iit could be against honoring yor father and mother. Obviously they wold want to (in most circumstances) be there for the big day, and may be considered a dishonor to some.
> -Secondly, coud it be regarded as deception to be married and "pretend" as if you're not until you announce your new beginning? Obviously the couple wouldd have to live apart as living together might be a "giveaway" especially for Christians. How would it work in that circumstance, as the settings are obviously more challenging?


Vegas was mentioned as a joke.  

Aa for lying and dishonoring one's parents, eloping is no such thing.   

First of all, scripture makes it clear that a man is to leave father and mother and cleave unto his wife.    If these are two full grown adults, it's their business and no one elses.  

Now if after eloping they are charading as a single, then that's lying.   

My point is clear.   Many couples have a private wedding ceremony in their homes or the Pastor's chambers, and then make their announcement afterwards.   Nothing about that is lying.   They just prefer to keep their private business  which is what it is, their private business.  

Weddings are not only expensive but extremely stressful; ESPECIALLY when you have to limit a guest list and do not wish to offend those who cannot be invited.    The majority of Christians who elope (or for want of a better term, have a private ceremony) is to keep things in harmony and order.   The marriage is about the couple and God, and no one else. 

As a wedding coordinator, I've seen it all.   By the day of the wedding the people are so stressed, it's a wonder that many of these weddings still take place.    

Some of the most beautiful and most committed marriage ceremonies, that I've designed a bridal package for, were the quiet ones in Pastor's chambers, where no one knew about it, until it announced, afterwards.    

They werem't stressed, they weren't broke, they weren't mad at anyone, and it didn't matter to them that there wasn't a big show out.   All they wanted was to be man and wife, under the order of God.   And so it is. :Rose:


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## Shimmie (Oct 21, 2009)

dicapr said:


> I think eloping could be an option. However, most chrisitians I know who eloped let people know what they were doing or shortly after the fact. I don't think you can keep the fact that you are married a secret even if you wanted to. Most people are just busting to tell someone.
> 
> *I had friends elope because they both had huge families and couldn't get the wedding stuff to the satisfaction of both families. They didn't keep it a secret but they promised a big blow out later on.*
> 
> My brother and sister-in-law didn't elope but only invited 6 people all together. Most of their friends found out later. They changed the voice mail on the cell phones to announce that they just got married and they would get back to you after the "honeymoon".


At the bolded.... you have spoken the Truth.   

So many weddings have this issue and it is so much stress with the couple trying to please everyone.   I've known many weddings to be postponed and even some were cancelled, because the wedding preparations were just too much to bear.    Some couples, just said, 'forget it' and went ahead with a private ceremony.


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## MrsHdrLe (Oct 21, 2009)

This is exactly why I don't want large wedding, we decided that we wanted to put our money and energies in to the marriage, family, and the honeymoon.  I don't want confusion, dissention, nit picking and all that to stress or ruin our big day.  So as it stands, we're having a private ceremony at our favorite beach front spot with a guest list in the low teens.


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## aribell (Oct 21, 2009)

A really great Christian author who I love answered this question for someone.  He basically said that eloping, while not a "sin," doesn't reflect the communal nature of marriage.  People don't have to have big weddings, there doesn't have to be a reception, but a wedding should involve the church community and other individuals in one's life that are supporting the marriage. His reasoning was similar to that of pastors who refuse to do private baptisms. 

 I used to want to elope, but I slowly became convinced that it wasn't such a great thing after all.  If there are exceptional circumstances, then sure.  But I wouldn't plan an elopement if it could be avoided.


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## Aviah (Oct 21, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Vegas was mentioned as a joke.
> 
> Aa for lying and dishonoring one's parents, eloping is no such thing.
> 
> ...


Of course Vegas was a joke, but you never know with some people. For a moment I was trying to differentiate in my mind between "telling afterwards" and "still charading as single". I guessed you meant telling *immediately* afterwards, versus eloping and then going to separate homes, pretending to be surprised at one's engagement, etc. Being close to someone recently married, I only got to understand a fraction of the stress, as she didn't even eat on her own wedding day, making sure everyone else was alright!

In those circumstances Shimmie, it sounds beautiful. It would be hard for families to take sometimes, and a big shock (sometimes even an offense) for close familiy members to take! Wouldn't it?




angiet1985 said:


> This is exactly why I don't want large wedding, we decided that we wanted to put our money and energies in to the marriage, family, and the honeymoon.  I don't want confusion, dissention, nit picking and all that to stress or ruin our big day.  So as it stands, we're having a private ceremony at our favorite beach front spot with a guest list in the low teens.



Wow, sounds amazing. All the best to you guys! If you don't mind me asking, do your families get along?



nicola.kirwan said:


> A really great Christian author who I love answered this question for someone.  He basically said that eloping, while not a "sin," doesn't reflect the communal nature of marriage.  People don't have to have big weddings, there doesn't have to be a reception, but a wedding should involve the church community and other individuals in one's life that are supporting the marriage. His reasoning was similar to that of pastors who refuse to do private baptisms.
> 
> I used to want to elope, but I slowly became convinced that it wasn't such a great thing after all.  If there are exceptional circumstances, then sure.  But I wouldn't plan an elopement if it could be avoided.



IHMO a wedding can be very communal and private all at the same time. it shoud be a perogative of the couple if the want others there or not. I understand people want to be there to less and support them, but there's only two people getting married here. It may cause  more offense, in some way to just have a small wedding with close friends and family, than to have no one at all. Personally, I would want a reception and a wedding, the full works, or nothing at all if I were to elope (unless like someone else mentioned- having a big blow out later).


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## Aviah (Oct 21, 2009)

anybody?


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## Renewed1 (Oct 21, 2009)

angiet1985 said:


> This is exactly why I don't want large wedding, *we decided that we wanted to put our money and energies in to the marriage, family, and the honeymoon*. I don't want confusion, dissention, nit picking and all that to stress or ruin our big day. So as it stands, we're having a private ceremony at our favorite beach front spot with a guest list in the low teens.


 
This is my biggest concern out of everything.  If my future hubby and I have the money, then great.  But I have no desire to be "Dream Wedding" broke.


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## Shimmie (Oct 22, 2009)

Aviah said:


> anybody?


 
This is an awesome thread topic, Aviah.  I thank you for bringing this up.  It's more important than 'we' realize.   Almost every woman dreams of a Cinderella wedding.   I have to admit, I have.  It's one of the main reasons, that I'm in the wedding arena; I love the beauty and the awe of it all.   

Yet there's a reality that I've seen couples face afterwards, the expense of a wedding that has them not only in debt, but it's a major debt that has prevented many from investing into a home.  They have no savings to account for and you know what's sad?   The monetary gifts that they received for their wedding, in no longer a gift for them to save or enjoy, but it is used to pay the expenses of the wedding.  

The first thing that a Bride should do is buy her gown.  Even if it's a small ceremony or in the Pastor's chambers, every Bride should have a wedding gown.   Hair not an issue, especially for those who are members of this forum.  Any Bride has a host of 'sisters' here on LHCF who can help her with her hair, makeup, jewelry, shoes,  mani and pedicures, and whatever else she needs.   

But every Bride should invest in her gown first and foremost and nothing else.    Then go to a Photograpy Studio and have professional pictures taken in your gown with your new husband.    You can have a friend or family member do the honors, if they are good.   But visit a professional studio and have your portraits taken.    

Then enjoy your Marriage.


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## divya (Oct 22, 2009)

I lean towards it being alright. However, before marriage involved the state, it was the ceremony before witnesses and holding oneself as married to all others that evidenced marriage. Of course, times have changed, and there is always 1 Cor 7:8-9. So ultimately, if the two people are planning to get married anyway, suppose it is fine. The best thing to do is to listen to God and let Him lead in right direction...


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## FlyyBohemian (Oct 22, 2009)

If the couple is eloping due to rebellion then it is not right. God has put many people in or life to give use sound advice. This could include those in leadership position such as ministers, or church family members and immediate family members. A loved one may not wnat you to marry a person because they are coniving and the two of you are unequally yoked. They may also see some warning signs that you are not seeing. If you go ahead and marry that person then that is not right. However if someon does not not want you to marry a man due to skin color then that is not fair, and I can understand if one elopes under those circumstances. Yet it would be very hard for the marriage to survive without a proper blessing.


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