# "Saved" ladies married to "unsaved" men?



## Glib Gurl (Feb 18, 2010)

Hey Ladies 

I just posted a thread about interfaith marriages in the relationship forum, but I would like to discuss this issue here as well. As those of you who have been following my blog may know, I am currently dating a very nice Jewish man. One of the first things I brought up to him was the fact that I'm a "saved, sanctified, filled-with-the-Holy-Spirit" Christian . . . and much to my delight he was not put off by that. (He is more culturally Jewish than spiritually so.) As we continue to date, I'm thinking more and more about what our cultural/religious differences could mean down the line. (We've only been dating for, like, 6 weeks but I wouldn't date anyone without wanting to have a LTR with them . . . potentially leading to marriage.) When I talked to my mom about my concerns regarding our faith differences, she said something that really resonated with me: "Glib, how many men are out there who 'pretend' to be Christians but really aren't 'saved' at all?" Not to be cynical, but f'real, f'real, I know lots of men who go to church expressly for the purpose of meeting women and are not very serious about following the Lord. Even if the church were overflowing with saved, eligible bachelors, this doesn't mean that a Christian lady can't have a strong relationship with a non-Christian man . . . 

Are any of you ladies involved with "unsaved" men or have families members/acquaintances who are saved but married to someone who is unsaved? (And I use the term unsaved very broadly - it could include men who profess Christianity and go to church but really don't live for the Lord. Or it could be a situation where neither person was particularly religious and then one got saved after marriage.)

BTW, please do not tell me to stop dating this man . . . because I have already prayed on it and My Father has confirmed that He approves of this situation


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## makeupgirl (Feb 18, 2010)

Well, I'm not married or dating but I have dated someone who wasn't saved and I had just gotten saved.  It didn't work out.  Mostly because I was more mature than he but really we had nothing in common.  End of that episode.

Next, will be my mother who is currently married to someone unsaved and she is saved.  Well, long story he pretended to become saved by coming to our church, participating in sunday school, they had one day of pre-martial counseling and let me just say that my pastor actually regards marrying them.   My stepdad after a month stopped going to church and somehow must have controlled the situation where my mom stopped going too.  That was 5 years ago.  Everyone has prayed for her situation because he's also controlling, verbally and emotional abusive.  Also, living with them, my sister and I experience first hand that he doesn't have God anywhere in his heart.  It's definitely like light and darkness between my mom and her husband.  She listens to gospel music, very humble, doesn't really curse, very into bible study.  He is the complete opposite, his bible is collecting dust, he curses like a sailor, smokes, goes out drinking, then comes home drinking, very hotheaded, agressive, etc.  

I know for me, dating someone who isn't saved doesn't fit.  My mom is currently separated from her husband.  I pray that she will soon return to church.  Also, her husband kicked us out, so she booked based on that but she's so much happier, we're out of a smoke filled zone, she's laughing a lot.  It's very different atomsphere.


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## Nice & Wavy (Feb 18, 2010)

Glib Gurl said:


> Hey Ladies
> 
> I just posted a thread about interfaith marriages in the relationship forum, but I would like to discuss this issue here as well. As those of you who have been following my blog may know, I am currently dating a very nice Jewish man. One of the first things I brought up to him was the fact that I'm a "saved, sanctified, filled-with-the-Holy-Spirit" Christian . . . and much to my delight he was not put off by that. (He is more culturally Jewish than spiritually so.) As we continue to date, I'm thinking more and more about what our cultural/religious differences could mean down the line. (We've only been dating for, like, 6 weeks but I wouldn't date anyone without wanting to have a LTR with them . . . potentially leading to marriage.) When I talked to my mom about my concerns regarding our faith differences, she said something that really resonated with me: "Glib, how many men are out there who 'pretend' to be Christians but really aren't 'saved' at all?" Not to be cynical, but f'real, f'real, I know lots of men who go to church expressly for the purpose of meeting women and are not very serious about following the Lord. Even if the church were overflowing with saved, eligible bachelors, this doesn't mean that a Christian lady can't have a strong relationship with a non-Christian man . . .
> 
> ...


Hey, don't think too hard about this one, GG.  Remember this:

1 - Jesus was a Jew.

2 - The first church members were all Jews.

3 - There is nothing wrong with marrying a man that loves the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob!  He will learn and understand about God the Son and then fall in love with Him, just like you did!

I'm happy for you, girl.  Don't go overboard with this...take it one day at a time.

All the best!


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## momi (Feb 18, 2010)

Glib Gurl said:


> Hey Ladies
> 
> I just posted a thread about interfaith marriages in the relationship forum, but I would like to discuss this issue here as well. As those of you who have been following my blog may know, I am currently dating a very nice Jewish man. One of the first things I brought up to him was the fact that I'm a "saved, sanctified, filled-with-the-Holy-Spirit" Christian . . . and much to my delight he was not put off by that. (He is more culturally Jewish than spiritually so.) As we continue to date, I'm thinking more and more about what our cultural/religious differences could mean down the line. (We've only been dating for, like, 6 weeks but I wouldn't date anyone without wanting to have a LTR with them . . . potentially leading to marriage.) When I talked to my mom about my concerns regarding our faith differences, she said something that really resonated with me: "Glib, how many men are out there who 'pretend' to be Christians but really aren't 'saved' at all?" Not to be cynical, but f'real, f'real, I know lots of men who go to church expressly for the purpose of meeting women and are not very serious about following the Lord. Even if the church were overflowing with saved, eligible bachelors, this doesn't mean that a Christian lady can't have a strong relationship with a non-Christian man . . .
> 
> ...




Not trying to be rude but...  why are you asking then?  

Prayer is one component to seeking an answer from The Lord - however scripture warns us not to yoke ourselves with an unbeliever.  God never speaks contrary to what His word says.

If you both were unbelievers and then you dedicated  your life to The Lord that would another matter... but if you are walking into this knowing he is not a believer you are disobeying scripture.  I have read many of your posts and you seem to be very serious about your relationship with The Lord... I would caution you to walk circumspectly.

I am sure others will chime in and share experiences that have worked and so on... but that is a gamble that may not be wise to take.


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## Almaz (Feb 18, 2010)

Very true and thank you for this


*


Nice & Wavy said:



			Hey, don't think too hard about this one, GG. Remember this:
		
Click to expand...

*


Nice & Wavy said:


> *1 - Jesus was a Jew.*
> 
> *2 - The first church members were all Jews.*
> 
> ...


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## Nice & Wavy (Feb 19, 2010)

Almaz said:


> Very true and thank you for this


*You are welcome....*


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## Almaz (Feb 19, 2010)

That still does not mean he will convert. But the best of luck to you. I have seen interfaith relationships that have worked very well  and I have seen others that don't it depends on the Individuals. But I thought in your religion you are not supposed to be with some that is "Unequally Yoked". Aren't you going against your faith by doing so.

At the end of of the day it is delicate especially when children are involved but its only  6 weeks don't put more into it than it already is. But it all depends on the respect that the couple has for one another in their perspective faiths. 

Best of luck.


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## Sweet C (Feb 19, 2010)

i wanted to get a bit of clarification first.  when you say that he is a "Jew" do you mean like a Messanic Jew, ie someone who is Jewish, but believes Christ is the Messiah (like the Jewish Jesus guy).  Or do you mean someone who is Jew, but is still waiting on the Messiah?


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## divya (Feb 19, 2010)

Good thread. First and foremost, pray and listen to the Lord. He will guide you in your decision. Being unequally yoked is a serious issue, whether both parties are Christians or not. 

I agree with Almaz in that you have to understand and accept that he may never convert. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that he will not be saved. However, when children come, that's often where the biggest challenge lies. How will they be raised? Some people are not very religious until children come onto the scene. Then sometimes they feel a greater importance to give them the upbringing they may have had or bring them up in their faith. What if he wants them be raised Jewish? What if you want them to be raised Christian? Both of you have to be prepared for that. 

I am currently getting to know a fellow Christian, but he is Non-Denominational, and I am SDA. This isn't a Christian and non-Christian situation, but our beliefs differ significantly. It's easier on his end for now to be alright with things, but it may not always be this way. He has to understand that, for example, if certain friends may be going out to dinner on Friday night, I cannot attend. Certain activities are not appropriate on the Sabbath. It seems small now, but it can be greater later. These types of things may affect you to as you are dealing with someone who is Jewish, particularly if at any point he decides to practice seriously again. These issues must be touched upon. 

It can also be more difficult when the woman is the believer and the man is not. Men have that leadership quality/role given from God. It's important that he lead the family to Christ. 

Best advice again...stay on your knees. I'll pray for you. Please pray for me.


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## Glib Gurl (Feb 19, 2010)

momi said:


> Not trying to be rude but... why are you asking then?


 
Honestly, that is something I thought about before even posting . . . but you know me, I'm always interested in what others have to say.



momi said:


> Prayer is one component to seeking an answer from The Lord - however *scripture warns us not to yoke ourselves with an unbeliever.* God never speaks contrary to what His word says.


 
See, to me the phrase "unequally yoked" isn't just about whether a person is a believer or non-believer, but rather whether two people share the same lifestyle, values, principles. I used to be of the mindset that only Christians were "good" people with "good" values, but as I have grown I have seen many non-Christians behave in some of the most loving and Christ-like ways (i.e., in a manner that I believe IS pleasing to the Lord) and seen some of the biggest devils you could ever imagine in the church - in fact, even in the pulpit. All of this reminds me of the passage where Jesus praises the faith of the non-believing centurion: 

_As Jesus entered the village of Capernaum, a Roman captain came up in a panic and said, "Master, my servant is sick. He can't walk. He's in terrible pain." Jesus said, "I'll come and heal him." "Oh, no," said the captain. "I don't want to put you to all that trouble. Just give the order and my servant will be fine. I'm a man who takes orders and gives orders. I tell one soldier, 'Go,' and he goes; to another, 'Come,' and he comes; to my slave, 'Do this,' and he does it." Taken aback, *Jesus said, "I've yet to come across this kind of simple trust in Israel*, the very people who are supposed to know all about God and how he works. *This man is the vanguard of many outsiders who will soon be coming from all directions—streaming in from the east, pouring in from the west, sitting down at God's kingdom banquet alongside Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Then those who grew up 'in the faith' but had no faith will find themselves out in the cold, outsiders to grace and wondering what happened."*_  Matthew 8:5-12




Almaz said:


> That still does not mean he will convert.


 
Oh I am not looking to convert him. I would never expect anyone to give up their faith just for the purpose of getting married . . . so just like I ain't becoming Jewish, I wouldn't expect him to get Baptized . . . . now if he were to convert on his own/as a result of seeing my faith in action, nothing would please me more. But no, I think there's something patently false about changing your religion just to "fit in" with another person or group if you're heart is not in it.



Sweet C said:


> i wanted to get a bit of clarification first. when you say that he is a "Jew" do you mean like a Messanic Jew, ie someone who is Jewish, but believes Christ is the Messiah (like the Jewish Jesus guy). Or do you mean someone who is Jew, but is still waiting on the Messiah?


 
I believe he is the latter . . . .

I am not opposed to celebrating Jewish holidays because to me, it's what Jesus did in His day, y'know? So I can get with a Passover Seder or something like that . . . the one good thing about potentially being with a Jewish person is that I don't have the problem of worshipping a false god -rather this is the same Father of My Jesus . . . that really appeals to me.



divya said:


> Best advice again...stay on your knees. I'll pray for you. Please pray for me.



Absolutely will do. (((hug)))


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## LIKI51 (Feb 19, 2010)

First let me say congrats on finding a good and decent man ( whether he be white or black, Jew or Christian) - a good man is a good find!

The bible says "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."  This statement is about a saved partner with an unbeliever or unequally yoked partners.  Whether unequally yoked or not, nothing is impossible with our GOD.  

Pray for HIS WILL to be done regarding your relationship.  Heck, Pray for HIS WILL in everything!  Live your life and run your race. 

Would it be easier for you if he went to church with you and read the Word with you and prayed with you? YES. But look at it this way, now you know about all the Holidays and can teach your Christian sisters here on the forum about them.  Now you can know about customs and beliefs that were lost to us when followers of the Way became known as Christians. Make this time positive.  Enjoy your man!!


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## Almaz (Feb 19, 2010)

Again good luck on this and don't move to fast 6 weeks is too soon to be talking about marriage.


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## Crown (Feb 19, 2010)

Glib Gurl said:


> Hey Ladies
> Are any of you ladies involved with "unsaved" men or have families members/acquaintances who are saved but married to someone who is unsaved?



Asking to your question : yes.
And it is a very difficult situation. Some ended by a divorce or a separation. Some overcome, but for true Christian wives, it’s like choosing your feet to plan your long route instead of the car.

Marriage is serious, better think too hard before than after.

The scripture about the unbelieved sanctified by the believed is about conversion of one already married.
 
You have the knowledge and you seem open minded. And you know that he could not convert to your faith.

If I was you, my biggest concern would be my children to come.


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## HoneyA (Feb 19, 2010)

Are you asking if it can work? It can. I have heard of couples where the wife prayed and prayed for the husband to be saved and in the end he got saved. Obviously, those marriages were working to begin with. In the end, it depends on the couple so you can't really compare your situation with any other couple's but I understand that subconsciously you are looking for some sort of reassurance.

Just wanted to say here that maybe you should take it one day at a time with this guy and just enjoy the time you spend with him. Get to know him and his character and see if he is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Everything will fall into place one way or the other if it is meant to be and if God approves. Everything God says is confirmed in the natural  so you won't need to make anything happen or bother your head about it. Just enjoy it for what it is now. Sometimes we just need to get to know guys as friends for the sake of it without any ulterior motives like marriage. PM me if you want and I'll try to explain what I mean more. I don't think I did a good job of it just now.


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## zenith (Feb 19, 2010)

Glib Gurl said:


> Hey Ladies
> 
> 
> *BTW, please do not tell me to stop dating this man . . . because I have already prayed on it and My Father has confirmed that He approves of this situation*




This is very telling.

Is this the man God has said to be your spouse or it it the man that _you_ want God to approve to be your spouse?

If you willing continue dating this man to the point of marriage knowing full and well that he is not a believer, then you will have stepped out of the circle of God's obedience.

Remember obedience is better than sacrifice, and rebellion is sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness is as worshiping idols.


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## sidney (Feb 19, 2010)

I have some things to say about this but I will come back later.  
-Sid


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## Glib Gurl (Feb 19, 2010)

zenith said:


> This is very telling.
> 
> Is this the man God has said to be your spouse or it it the man that _you_ want God to approve to be your spouse?
> 
> ...


 
Duly noted. I'm not going to recount my prayers, but I know what you are saying and I've been asking the Lord for His guidance in this situation . . . and trust, this was not at all what I was looking for . . . so even if the relationship doesn't end in marriage, I do believe that this new friendship is something that God has orchestrated


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## zenith (Feb 19, 2010)

Glib Gurl said:


> Duly noted. I'm not going to recount my prayers, but I know what you are saying and I've been asking the Lord for His guidance in this situation . . . and trust, this was not at all what I was looking for . . . so even if the relationship doesn't end in marriage, I do believe that this new friendship is something that God has orchestrated




I do understand what you are going through, been there as well.

One thing you need realise is that when you pray for a spouse, sometimes the devil rushes and brings you his counterfeit before the original arrives. 

To the untrained eye, a counterfeit $20 bill, looks just like the original, but a trained eye can spot it in a stack of other originals.

The guy could be nice and possess all the qualities you look for in a man and husband but if he is not the one, he will obstruct the rightful man from taking his place in your life.


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## Almaz (Feb 19, 2010)

So true this is basically the SAME thing I said to my Children when they are/were approached by Non Jewish Goyishe people. I feel the same way thank you. 




zenith said:


> I do understand what you are going through, been there as well.
> 
> *One thing you need realise is that when you pray for a spouse, sometimes the devil rushes and brings you his counterfeit before the original arrives. *
> 
> ...


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## chicitygirl (Feb 21, 2010)

You said that he's more culturally Jewish than spiritually Jewish.  But what does he_ believe_?  Have you guys discussed that at all? That's what's most important, IMO.  Forget about the religious labels we all like to use.  Does he have a relationship with God? Does he pray? Does he govern himself according to God's law?  Who does he feel accountable to in a spiritual sense?  How does he view marriage and child rearing and God's plan for the family?

Because I think that his beliefs are more important than how seemingly "good" he may be or may be presenting himself to be in the dating stages. Only time will tell if his beliefs and actions truly match. 

I'm not telling you not to date him. That's something that God will reveal to you sooner or later. And you say he has already.  But I'll say that I've been in similar dating situations and I've learned through experience that the longer you date someone without really determining that you're on equal spiritual footing, the harder it is to break away from him and the more emotionally and spiritually draining the relationship will be for you.  It's just not worth it to get in too deep. 

But the reality is that if your faith is important to you and he doesn't share the same beliefs, you fundamentally have nothing in common with this man.  You may think you do, because you want to.  But if you're dating for marriage, remember what  God's plan is for what a truly edifying marriage and spiritual partnership is.  And ask yourself if the relationship will become that.  And of course continue to pray about it.


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## Glib Gurl (Feb 21, 2010)

chicitygirl said:


> You said that he's more culturally Jewish than spiritually Jewish. But what does he_ believe_? Have you guys discussed that at all? That's what's most important, IMO. Forget about the religious labels we all like to use. Does he have a relationship with God? Does he pray? Does he govern himself according to God's law? Who does he feel accountable to in a spiritual sense? How does he view marriage and child rearing and God's plan for the family?


 
We haven't gotten too much into those issues yet, but I agree . . . a person's belief system is more important than whatever label you put on yourself. This is true even if both parties identify themselves as Christian


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## chicitygirl (Feb 21, 2010)

Glib Gurl said:


> We haven't gotten too much into those issues yet, but I agree . . . a person's belief system is more important than whatever label you put on yourself. This is true even if both parties identify themselves as Christian



Yes, that's why I don't get hung up on labels. Maybe it's time for you two to have a very candid conversation about faith?  I'll tell you what, I've gotten to the point where I just cut to the chase when it comes to that convo.  Otherwise it's essentially a waste of time, energy and emotions getting romantically involved with someone on a serious level.  Like I said, that was a lesson learned the hard way for me   Even though I knew better, I was trying to not be closed minded.


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## Crown (Feb 22, 2010)

Many believe in God, but the characteristic of a Christian is about Jesus-Christ, the way, the truth, the life for God (Jn. 14:6).

Let’s not forget the role of the husband in a Christian marriage :
Eph. 5.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as *Christ* is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
[FONT=&quot]1Cor. 11.3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is *Christ*; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.[/FONT]


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## Crown (Feb 22, 2010)

A true story :
A young lady, Adventist and fervent, had a bad experience with an Adventist guy. After that, she met a guy who is not a Christian, he knew that God exists, that’s it. The lady was convinced that God approved of the _frequentation _(courtship). And after more than one year, they started to talk about marriage.
Then, the girl said to the guy : let’s take 3 months and during this time, we will not see or talk to each other, just to make sure that it is the best choice for us.
The girl prayed God : You’ve said yes to me about ***. But I know your Word and I will not marry a man who is not a Christian. If *** is the one You want me to marry, I know You will do something. Otherwise, I prefer to not marry him and let him go.
Before the 3 months ended up, the guy had some special manifestations of The Lord in his life. After that, he asked to be baptized.
Soon, they will be married.

Do it step by step and just be sure you are in the Will and the Word of God.


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## CoilyFields (Feb 22, 2010)

My experience: I dated an unbeliever and it didnt work out. I based my "world view" and morals/ethics on the word of God (old and new testament) and he based his on what he chose. He was a nice guy, educated, wanted to get married and have kids...but we were fundamentally different.


FYI-the story about the centurion (an unbeliever) highlighted his faith in _Jesus Christ _as the Messiah and able to do anything (hence, making him a believer).

One thing we have to remember in our walk is that everything we do is supposed to glorify God. And scripture clearly points  out that Jesus is the son of God and still one with God at the same time. So a Jewish/Muslim person believig in the God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob does not justify them if they have rejected Jesus. 
Also...we all need the blood of Jesus for salvation...weather we are "good people" or not. (Cuz we know their are some trifling believers and non-believers, and some good believers and non-believers lol)

I believer that we as humans can get along with a lot of different people and make a lot of situations work...but what is it working for? ya know? Is God getting the glory out of your union with a non-believer who has denied his son? Will you be able to raise your children in the admonition of God/Christ with a father who is opposed?

Also honey, we have to be so careful when saying what God has approved when his word says something different. We are then making him to be a lier. If the word says not to be unequally yoked with believers and you consider this to apply to lifestyles etc. then it should apply even more to marriage (which is an institution even more precious then the churches we go to).

2 Cor 6:14 
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

Remember, We are only righteous through Jesus CHrist (2 Cor 5:21) and Jesus is THE light of the world that we pattern ourselves after (So someone being a good person doesnt make them righteous or of the light)

I pray that you seek God even more on this subject and like another poster said...it is much harder to break away when we have dug roots with a person...


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## aribell (Feb 23, 2010)

My father is Christian, my stepmother is Muslim.  They have been together for about 10 years now.  While _I_ wouldn't consider either to be particularly devout, if you asked them about their faith, they would both say that it is something that is very important to them and a significant part of their identity.  As far as I can tell they have no conflicts regarding religion--but that it likely because they both keep their faith very personal and inward and seem to subscribe to the "all roads lead to Rome" type of philosophy.  

Now, if my father had children with her and she wanted to teach them the Quran, that'd be very interesting to see how he'd respond to it as he had an issue with us even being sent to Catholic schools when he was Baptist.  And the funny thing about that is that as long as I have been alive my father never regularly attended church--though he did before we came along.  But suddenly when it came to his children he had an opinion about the type of faith tradition we should be brought up in.  People tend to get more particular about their children.



Glib Gurl said:


> See, to me the phrase "unequally yoked" isn't just about whether a person is a believer or non-believer, but rather whether two people share the same lifestyle, values, principles. I used to be of the mindset that only Christians were "good" people with "good" values, but as I have grown I have seen many non-Christians behave in some of the most loving and Christ-like ways (i.e., in a manner that I believe IS pleasing to the Lord) and seen some of the biggest devils you could ever imagine in the church - in fact, even in the pulpit. All of this reminds me of the passage where Jesus praises the faith of the non-believing centurion:
> 
> _As Jesus entered the village of Capernaum, a Roman captain came up in a panic and said, "Master, my servant is sick. He can't walk. He's in terrible pain." Jesus said, "I'll come and heal him." "Oh, no," said the captain. "I don't want to put you to all that trouble. Just give the order and my servant will be fine. I'm a man who takes orders and gives orders. I tell one soldier, 'Go,' and he goes; to another, 'Come,' and he comes; to my slave, 'Do this,' and he does it." Taken aback, *Jesus said, "I've yet to come across this kind of simple trust in Israel*, the very people who are supposed to know all about God and how he works. *This man is the vanguard of many outsiders who will soon be coming from all directions—streaming in from the east, pouring in from the west, sitting down at God's kingdom banquet alongside Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Then those who grew up 'in the faith' but had no faith will find themselves out in the cold, outsiders to grace and wondering what happened."*_  Matthew 8:5-12



(eta: oops, wrote this paragraph before reading CoilyFields answer--she got it) This is a very interesting point.  I would just say though, that the centurion had faith in _Jesus_.  It wasn't just that he was a good man, he was a man who brought his hopes and cares to Christ to be healed by Him.  Whenever Jesus praises someone's faith, it is faith in Him.  There are definitely religious posers, but I don't think that means that there's no difference between Christians and other "good" people of other faiths.  I think it just means that we can't pay attention to just the outward trappings without also looking to see if someone's heart genuinely belongs to and confesses Jesus--regardless of nationality, religious upbringing, etc.

Also, as one who can relate to knowing "good" unbelievers, I have to say that there is always a point where the paths diverge.  If Jesus is Truth personified, how can someone both reject Him as such and also have full fellowship with someone who embraces Him fully?  I think this is what Paul is getting at in speaking of light and darkness.  My former boss has always been an atheist/agnostic through the 10 years I've known him and he is without a doubt the most generous person I know with his money, time, and energy.  Genuinely kind man.  He runs civics programs for high school students and is dedicated to just help society run better.  Plenty of Christian qualities in there.  I really believed in the mission of the organization and we shared many of the same views about society and even proper behavior in one's personal life (for instance, he rarely if ever consumed alcohol and certainly never to excess).

But then when we would talk about church or religion, or my desire to go to seminary, his attitude was non-judgmental but still skeptical of it all.  Now, as a boss-employee relationship that works just fine.  His skepticism makes no difference in my life and he can separate his personal views from his opinion of me because really, what I choose to do with my life, how I worship, etc. really makes no difference to him.  But if we had to make decisions _together_ a lot of things that wouldn't matter in a platonic relationship would start mattering a great deal.

And not only do things matter differently in a real relationship, but in growing as a Christian, the Lord continues to call us to deeper and deeper obedience.  Someone may be cool with simple Sunday church-going today, but later on might be led to tithe more generously, invest more time in evangelism, or go to the mission field. I think that being equally yoked means that you should find someone that is growing in their faith alongside you, who will obey the voice of the Spirit, so that when God calls you to do something they can pray with you about it and discern whether it is truly His will.  I believe that God sends rain on believers and unbelievers, the good and the bad.  He knows all people.  But he does lead believers in a special way and I think any Christian should be careful not to potentially stagnate their own walk by yoking themselves to someone who is not going to be fully open to discerning God's will in the same way.


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## blazingthru (Feb 23, 2010)

Glib gurl, I am a christian and I married a Christian But I have learned that if Christ is not the center of your marriage, or your relationship it will not florish. I didn't know the Lord like I know the lord now and my husband didn't know the lord at all.  its a complete nightmare, he felt free to do things that I would never ever do and have no qualms about it nonewhatsoever, at times I was shocked and embarassed. We are no longer to gether but it was over 20 years of great pain. I was alone for most church events, family events and so on. He was set in his ways and wasn't trying to change. Next time i want to marry a man who has the same strong, beliefs as me, who is rooted in the word and loves the  lord above all else, Then and only then will I know I will have a great and wonderful marriage. Because he will know that he is accountable to God. My friend is Jewish and he honestly do not believe 55% of what is in his own bible. How is that possible I did not get and he goes to service I forget what you call it, He talks about the sabbath but his heart is not with God not at all.  but he is againts all that I believe even in Elijah and that really was the last straw I was standing there talking to him and he said he did not believe that Elijah went to Heaven in a firey Chariot or that Enoch was no more. Or basically anything that was in the scriptures of his own bible but he believed in the rituals. it was so disheartening. I was so turned off that I told him I will never ever speak to him about religion again. Not ever.  He is  coworker but we were friends but I was crushed, I was talking to him about spiritual matters after all I felt he being jewish would understand the scriptures better then myself since I knew that Jewish children (some) were raised on the scriptures that they were taught to memorize it by song.  So yes I heard him sing it one time or another so i was right but believing it was another matter it changed the scope of our friendship I no longer had a common bond with him. I still speak to him but no longer on spiritual matters since he follows the rituals more then the true beliefs and eventually I figure maybe he would start questioning some of them, Like I did but he wasn't. He is happy where he is and I hope that if your friend truly cares for you, he will study and learn what you believe, If Jesus is the center of your life he would have no other choice but to want to see why.  
My closes friends husband was a baptist. he  was fascinated by her but she was a SDA and was not going to marry anyone that was not. She had been down that road before and wasn't going in that direction again but he was serious and he went to her father and ask permission to marry her, this was in the 80's she is much older then me. and her father said well if you want to marry her you have to study the bible with us. so he did it took him almost a year to accept all but he study hard and he converted to SDA and they were married and her father passed away he held back his illness to make sure he study the bible with this man. Who loved her so much he was willing to do it and was convince that it was the right thing to do and he is truly a wonderful man. I just love this man this man is the only man I have ever met that does all the inviting and he serves.  When I went to his house he served me fixed my plate and all the trimmings and I was truly shocked, he is so funny and does all he can to make you feel comfortable and he is really open about his life.  She is truly blessed to have a wonderful husband the lord had really changed his life totally around. But this is before she actually said I do.  Everything else can flow together wonderfully but its your spirtual center that keeps it all together. As soon as the crises comes that is what you fall back on your center which is Jesus he is first and foremost in your life and both of you should agree on that. I wish you the best in whatever you decided for yourself. Be careful Satan has  a wonderful way of making us blind to whats really in front of us. he knows how to tap into our desires and bring it out and Jesus knows how to lift the blinders.


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## Almaz (Feb 23, 2010)

Just because he is Jewish that does not mean that he knows Torah but he questions Jews just don't go on Blind Faith. That does not mean he is no less spirtual. 









blazingthru said:


> Glib gurl, I am a christian and I married a Christian But I have learned that if Christ is not the center of your marriage, or your relationship it will not florish. I didn't know the Lord like I know the lord now and my husband didn't know the lord at all. its a complete nightmare, he felt free to do things that I would never ever do and have no qualms about it nonewhatsoever, at times I was shocked and embarassed. We are no longer to gether but it was over 20 years of great pain. I was alone for most church events, family events and so on. He was set in his ways and wasn't trying to change. Next time i want to marry a man who has the same strong, beliefs as me, who is rooted in the word and loves the lord above all else, Then and only then will I know I will have a great and wonderful marriage. Because he will know that he is accountable to God. *My friend is Jewish and he honestly do not believe 55% of what is in his own bible. How is that possible I did not get and he goes to service I forget what you call it, He talks about the sabbath but his heart is not with God not at all.*
> 
> 
> but he is againts all that I believe even in Elijah and that really was the last straw I was standing there talking to him and he said he did not believe that Elijah went to Heaven in a firey Chariot or that Enoch was no more. Or basically anything that was in the scriptures of his own bible but he believed in the rituals. it was so disheartening.
> ...


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## Guitarhero (Feb 23, 2010)

Glib Gurl said:


> I am not opposed to celebrating Jewish holidays because to me, it's what Jesus did in His day, y'know? So I can get with a Passover Seder or something like that . . . the one good thing about potentially being with a Jewish person is that I don't have the problem of worshipping a false god -*rather this is the same Father of My Jesus* . . . that really appeals to me.
> 
> Absolutely will do. (((hug)))



I'm just jumping in after lurking for so long but what if he expects you to convert, will you?  You might think you're worshipping the same god but to him, he might see it differently whether he is spiritual or not.  Traditional Jews don't think christians worship the one true God at all.  I wish you luck, nonetheless. But I think it's unequal yoking.


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## blazingthru (Feb 24, 2010)

Almaz said:


> Just because he is Jewish that does not mean that he knows Torah but he questions Jews just don't go on Blind Faith. That does not mean he is no less spirtual.


 
Almaz, He said he didn't know what he believed anymore, then he doesn't follow many of the basic principles, but he does follow the rituals. In my opinion that’s just following tradition with no real meaning.  As far as faith, I find that the prophets and patriots in the bible only had faith to go on. In the New Testament we read about their faith and how they stayed on the path even though they (some) did not see the promises. Daniel stayed faithful and he was alone, his faith got him through the Lion’s Den, Joseph faith saved his life (this is before the dream of Pharaohs) and Egypt’s and his people, David’s faith killed Goliath, Elijah’s faith caused it not to rain for 3 years etc.. These prophets and patriots did not hear the word of God, face to face or in their minds like Moses, Solomon, Noah and Samuel.   He and I know all the stories all of them and yet I believe and he does not. (I knew them in more detail then he did) but what was shocking to me was that I knew he didn't believe the New testament or anything really connected to Jesus, it never occurred to me that he didn’t' even believe most of the Old. or the 1st testament or as it should be the first witness. I no longer had a reason to discuss with him anything. I never really got the answer I needed but I wanted some history for one thing or another and that he was able to provide but nothing else. So we no longer talk about spiritual matters or what I feel is spiritual matters.  I purchased the Torah and used his Greek &Hebrew bible so we can discuss but it was futile. I am not grouping him with all Jewish People but it was very discouraging to me. Plus throughout all our conversations he never thought to question anything just basically said I do not believe it and that was that.


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## Almaz (Feb 25, 2010)

I understand that everyone at one time or another in their lives have issues with faith

Its very discouraging to me too. Just because he does not believe or have issues with faith that still does not make him less of a Jew. 





blazingthru said:


> Almaz, He said he didn't know what he believed anymore, then he doesn't follow many of the basic principles, but he does follow the rituals. In my opinion that’s just following tradition with no real meaning. As far as faith, I find that the prophets and patriots in the bible only had faith to go on. In the New Testament we read about their faith and how they stayed on the path even though they (some) did not see the promises. Daniel stayed faithful and he was alone, his faith got him through the Lion’s Den, Joseph faith saved his life (this is before the dream of Pharaohs) and Egypt’s and his people, David’s faith killed Goliath, Elijah’s faith caused it not to rain for 3 years etc.. These prophets and patriots did not hear the word of God, face to face or in their minds like Moses, Solomon, Noah and Samuel. He and I know all the stories all of them and yet I believe and he does not. (I knew them in more detail then he did) but what was shocking to me was that I knew he didn't believe the New testament or anything really connected to Jesus, it never occurred to me that he didn’t' even believe most of the Old. or the 1st testament or as it should be the first witness. I no longer had a reason to discuss with him anything. I never really got the answer I needed but I wanted some history for one thing or another and that he was able to provide but nothing else. So we no longer talk about spiritual matters or what I feel is spiritual matters. I purchased the Torah and used his Greek &Hebrew bible so we can discuss but it was futile. I am not grouping him with all Jewish People but it was very discouraging to me. Plus throughout all our conversations he never thought to question anything just basically said I do not believe it and that was that.


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