# Sexual Indulgence Pitfalls



## LovingLady (Jul 14, 2010)

There was a news report on CBN which discussed how having sexual relations before marriage can ruin your changes of being able to completely connect or bond with your partner. I found this to be very interesting because science is showing us what that Bible already warned about. I hope this will encourage all of the women who are virgin or abstinent to remain this way until they are married.  

1 Corinthians 6:16-20  

  16 Or do you not know  and realize that when a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes  one body with her? The two, it is written, shall become one flesh.
17 But the person who is united  to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him.
18 Shun immorality and all  sexual looseness [flee from impurity in thought, word, or deed]. Any  other sin which a man commits is one outside the body, but he who  commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
19 Do you not know that your  body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives  within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not  your own,
20 You  were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own]. So then, honor God  and bring glory to Him in your body.

If you want to watch the news report or read the the entire article, here is the link: http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/healthscience/2010/March/Sexually-Indulgent-Now-Marriage-Ruined-Later/
(the video is on the left)

Article Excerpt: 

*Chemicals Create a Powerful Bond* 

 Research using brain scans now shows powerful  chemicals are released during sex that should create a powerful,  everlasting bond. 
 "When women are skin-to-skin with a man, their brain  secretes oxytocin that causes them to bond emotionally to that man. Men  secrete a hormone called vasopressin when they're having that kind of  intimate behavior. And that hormone has even been called 'monogamy  hormone' for men. And it bonds them to the woman," McIlhaney explained. 
 This oxytocin is so overwhelming in a woman's brain  that just a 20-second hug can cause a female to become bonded to a male.  
 Both sexes get addictive doses of the  pleasure-chemical dopamine as well during intimate behavior. That works  out well for couples out to create lifelong marriages and stable  families. 
 "They're addicted to sex, and babies result from  that. They're bonded to each other," McIlhaney said. 

*Sleeping Around Weakens Bond* 

 But that bonding, which acts like adhesive tape or  Velcro, is weakened when people tear away at its power by breaking off  with a sexual partner and moving on from one to another to another. So  when it does finally come time to bond permanently with a spouse, the  ability to bond is damaged. 
 "The brain actually gets molded to not accept that  deep emotional level that's so important for marriage," McIlhaney told  CBN News. 
 One huge result for the permissive is that, as  McIlhaney explained, "When they do marry, they're more likely to have a  divorce than people who were virgins when they got married."


God is so good. He told me to use the word pitfalls instead of downfalls and look at what the definition of the word is:

*pitfalls plural of pitfall (noun)
*
1. A  hidden or unsuspected danger or difficulty.
2. A covered pit  used as a trap


----------



## LovingLady (Jul 14, 2010)

Sorry wrong section I asked for it to be moved


----------



## Evallusion (Jul 14, 2010)

...........................................


----------



## femmemuscle (Jul 14, 2010)

it's bull crap anyway.  i've been having "relations" with my SO for 8 years and no papers, rings/contracts.  Couldn't get any better. (contract=marriage)..

When i was younger - i "waited" before my first marriage ... boy what a surprise i got on my wedding day all the way down to our divorce.  I got a ring, the contract, a black eye, and two broken front teeth... but we were "married"..

glad this subject WAS moved.. because the scientist and the bible, seem to have a biased research base. bunch of crusty a&*s misogynists..


----------



## libertysince05 (Jul 14, 2010)

why has this focused on women?
i call this study bull****!!!
also i want to see this study reproduced and beaten to death by other scientists.
so much stuff we do daily releases oxytocin.
i'm really bothered the related this study to the bible...WTF?


----------



## Ishtar (Jul 14, 2010)

I'm surprised by some of these responses. 

And I will say that in most  cases it's better to wait until you are married. Less heartache, more self love that way. Unless it's the sex you want in the first place. Other than that there is no harm in waiting but you wait for reasons other than sex as well.

Anyway my first thought was that you were going to say that sex stops your hair from growing faster or something.


----------



## My Friend (Jul 14, 2010)

Ishtar said:


> I'm surprised by some of these responses.
> 
> And I will say that in most cases it's better to wait until you are married. Less heartache, more self love that way. Unless it's the sex you want in the first place. Other than that there is no harm in waiting but you wait for reasons other than sex as well.
> 
> Anyway my first thought was that you were going to *say that sex stops your hair from growing faster or something.*





I would think it would increase due to circulation


----------



## SmilingElephant (Jul 14, 2010)

All the more reason for me to keep remaining a virgin eh?

I'm a 23 year OLD VIRGIN AND PROUD OF IT!!...i find it STUPID that so many ppl look at my virginity like its a weird thing. God isn't weird...is he?


----------



## Black Ambrosia (Jul 14, 2010)

I'm not passing judgment but I've noticed that only women who marry relatively young (mid to late 20s) are satisfied with the choice to remain virgins. As they get older, they tend to view things differently. The rewards for being good and pious aren't what they are made out to be.


----------



## Mz.MoMo5235 (Jul 14, 2010)

its still in the wrong section....  i thought yall was gonna say my hair was gonna fall out.  i was gonna come in here yelling "LIES!!! LIES!!!  ITS ALL LIES!!!" lol

as for staying a virgin until marriage.  that's a choice you have to make for your self.  i cant say which choice is better for YOU...


----------



## kbragg (Jul 14, 2010)

I thought this was going to be about how hair pulling and roughing during relations can lead to breakage, split ends, and ultimately a setback


----------



## Lady S (Jul 14, 2010)

CBN is the Christian Broadcasting Network, right?  

I swear, I thought I was going to come in and read about some product line or hair program called Sexual Indulgence. I'm like, "Wow, they are just getting bold in the brand names!"


----------



## KurlyNinja (Jul 14, 2010)

I was here.


----------



## Mz.MoMo5235 (Jul 14, 2010)

Lady S said:


> *CBN is the Christian Broadcasting Network, right?
> *
> I swear, I thought I was going to come in and read about some product line or hair program called Sexual Indulgence. I'm like, "Wow, they are just getting bold in the brand names!"



SEE!!! look it! tryna trick all us sinners with science!  THAT'S CHURCH SCIENCE of course they're gonna say all that  leave me and my sins be... and lets talk hair!


----------



## Ladybelle (Jul 14, 2010)

femmemuscle said:


> it's bull crap anyway. i've been having "relations" with my SO for 8 years and no papers, rings/contracts. Couldn't get any better. (contract=marriage)..
> 
> When i was younger - i "waited" before my first marriage ... boy what a surprise i got on my wedding day all the way down to our divorce. I got a ring, the contract, a black eye, and two broken front teeth... but we were "married"..
> 
> glad this subject WAS moved.. because the scientist and the bible, seem to have a biased research base. bunch of crusty a&*s misogynists..


 
With such a devastating thing happening in your first marriage, do you think you'll ever remarry? 

I was  at your response, surely touched a sore spot eh? 

I'm glad you made it out of that abusive relationship safely.


----------



## yeahisaidit (Jul 15, 2010)

There's absolutely nothing wrong with refraining from sex until your married or being a virgin. It's actually commendable, especially in this day and age...

ON THAT NOTE: 
It sure as hell ain't for me. I refuse to buy a car without test driving it first!!!

Oh yeah, WRONG THREAD!


----------



## vainღ♥♡jane (Jul 15, 2010)

'crusty arse misogynists!'    ♥


----------



## Lucky's Mom (Jul 15, 2010)

What a great article. Thank you for sharing. I did not even Kiss my hubby before I married him.( That's right - not even Kiss.....) I was so grateful to be pure before God in that wedding dress..... 
Still going strong. =)

Thanks OP.


----------



## BellaLunie (Jul 15, 2010)

what a let down


----------



## I Am So Blessed (Jul 15, 2010)

this is weird becuase i have been worried about this for so long. i love sex, i really really really loveeee it, but  love jesus more. so im going to have to either stop ****** or go to hell.


----------



## Honey Bee (Jul 15, 2010)

AdoraAdora24 said:


> this is weird becuase i have been worried about this for so long. i* love sex, i really really really loveeee it, but  love jesus more. so im going to have to either stop ****** or go to hell.*


----------



## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Jul 15, 2010)

My Friend said:


> [/B]
> 
> 
> I would think it would increase due to circulation


 

omg!   i have to start clicking on these weird named threads more often


----------



## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Jul 15, 2010)

Miryoku said:


> I was here.


----------



## LatterGlory (Jul 15, 2010)

____________________


----------



## lesedi (Jul 15, 2010)

People need to do what works for them. You are not 'impure' if you choose to have sex before marriage and you don't need applause for remaining a virgin. All these studies seem pretty bogus to me and are based on the motive of the 'scientist' in question.


----------



## LadyRaider (Jul 15, 2010)

Does anyone ever applaud the 45 year old virgin? I'm just asking. I mean, if you never got married, and you're 53 and a virgin. Is this a good thing or a sad thing?


----------



## LaFemmeNaturelle (Jul 15, 2010)

^^^I know someone who is upper 40's, never married, virgin, wants a husband and kids

ETA: Just thought of another woman...idk how old she is...I assume upper 40's, still a virgin but idk whether she WANTS a husband or not....If that person is happy, then I think it's a good thing. Kudos to them for not falling into temptation and sticking to their beliefs. But they should be content with the decisions they've made, not depressed.


----------



## Bun Mistress (Jul 15, 2010)

Seriously there are plenty of reason why people don't "bond" and marriges donot work.  Most people go down the isle/jump the broom or what have you without even knowing the person they are saying "I do too".

Alot of women now are more fixated on getting married than who they are getting married too.  I see this alot at my job, women who went ot school and "did everything right" and are now just chasing after a man that will commit for five seconds.  

Don't forget the teenage mothers that "have to get married becasue he got you pregant"

And then there is the lack of financial/marriage consueling prior to a marriage so there isn't a even a second opinion in the misforchunate endevor.  

So to get to my point.  There is no reason to blame pitfalls or weak bonds on sexual promiscity.  People mess up plenty on their own!  And if you look at the counter thesis of that arguement its just not true.  (IE a virginal marriage will last)

Vant off.


----------



## beans08 (Jul 15, 2010)

I'm glad I didn't wait. I would have been extremely unhappy to marry a man who sucks at coloring, or have some kind of skills. It's important to me that the coloring be right.

To each his own!


----------



## candigyrl0830 (Jul 15, 2010)

to each his own.. its research, its a theory, its not a law. i believe that they probably did find some correlations there but it is something that is not going to be true for everyone and may not even be true for most. i find the research to be interesting. however, i also believe that a woman knows when its time be it based on spiritual influences or just their own personal desires/needs/goals, etc. if its before marriage or after, its nobody's business but their own and God's


----------



## newbeginnings2010 (Jul 15, 2010)

Miryoku said:


> I was here.



Me too, me too!!


----------



## justicefighter1913 (Jul 15, 2010)

Hmm, I find a lot of the responses quite interesting.  I do think that it's commendable that there are people who are choosing to remain virgins.  There are so many influences out here telling you that "trying every car before you buy"  is ok and consequence free.  Puh-leeze.  There are more consequences/results of sex than the possible susceptibility to STDs and babymaking.  I understand the point that the OP is making and I appreciate hearing that point of view irrespective of whether or not I agree.

I was here too....carry on


----------



## LunadeMiel (Jul 15, 2010)




----------



## CherryCherryBoomBoom (Jul 15, 2010)

beans08 said:


> I'm glad I didn't wait. I would have been extremely unhappy to marry a man who sucks at coloring, or have some kind of skills. It's important to me that the coloring be right.
> 
> To each his own!



Where did this sexual euphemism of "coloring" come from anyway? Because I hadn't even heard of it at all till recently on LHCF.


----------



## PinkPebbles (Jul 15, 2010)

Abdijz said:


> Article Excerpt:
> 
> *Chemicals Create a Powerful Bond*
> 
> ...


 
I definitely can believe the bolded  which is why a lot of women (including me) had to pray _the breaking of soul ties prayer_.

Thanks for posting OP!


----------



## Guitarhero (Jul 15, 2010)

I do comprehend this article from it's moral standpoint, however, I wish someone would focus on men who aren't "pure" before marriage but the women are.  That might be one other reason there are so many divorces there as well.  There is so much emphasis on a woman's virginity but men are "supposed to gain experience."  Not true, his experience, first experience should be with his wife.  I'm talking from a religious/cultural point of view, not even necessarily christian.


----------



## SmilingElephant (Jul 15, 2010)

I wasn't trying to judge anybody by my earlier statement. I just said that bc IRL anytime ppl start talkin bout sex around me they find out i'm a virgin and then they start treating me different or view me as a child and trying to make me feel weird and honestly it pisses me off....let's just be real about life here because it DOES piss me off. Even my mom's side of the family looks down on my virginity bc all of my other cousins have been coloring and doing this that and the other.

I stated that bc there's probably a LOT of 20+ year old virgins on here and IRL that are happy being a virgin....i could die a virgin i don't care...because i know how i am when it comes to ppl....if i really like someone i get attached to them....and so many times ppl have taken that and thrown it out....so not only am i a virgin for spriritual reasons....i have my mental and emotional health to worry about. So for those of you no longer in the V club....there are MANY reasons why us minority of ppl choose to remain virgins.....i wasn't looking for applause....but i'm sick of this new stigma against virgins.


----------



## beans08 (Jul 15, 2010)

CherryCherryBoomBoom said:


> Where did this sexual euphemism of "coloring" come from anyway? Because I hadn't even heard of it at all till recently on LHCF.



I guess it's a euphemism that started because we are not allowed to talk about sex openly here.

I feel kind of childish using it sometimes.


----------



## lesedi (Jul 15, 2010)

SmilingElephant said:


> I wasn't trying to judge anybody by my earlier statement. I just said that bc IRL anytime ppl start talkin bout sex around me they find out i'm a virgin and then they start treating me different or view me as a child and trying to make me feel weird and honestly it pisses me off....let's just be real about life here because it DOES piss me off. Even my mom's side of the family looks down on my virginity bc all of my other cousins have been coloring and doing this that and the other.
> 
> I stated that bc there's probably a LOT of 20+ year old virgins on here and IRL that are happy being a virgin....i could die a virgin i don't care...because i know how i am when it comes to ppl....if i really like someone i get attached to them....and so many times ppl have taken that and thrown it out....so not only am i a virgin for spriritual reasons....i have my mental and emotional health to worry about. So for those of you no longer in the V club....there are MANY reasons why us minority of ppl choose to remain virgins.....i wasn't looking for applause....but i'm sick of this new stigma against virgins.


 

I hope you didnt think my post was directed at you. I'm happy for people to do what suits them- if that means staying a virgin, then I'm wit chu! I just don't prescribe to the notion that being a virgin is somehow better than not being one. You don't have to explain your choice...IT'S YOURS.
I don't understand how what i said could be construed as stigma towards virgins?


----------



## luthiengirlie (Jul 15, 2010)

Abdijz said:


> There was a news report on CBN which discussed how having sexual relations before marriage can ruin your changes of being able to completely connect or bond with your partner. I found this to be very interesting because science is showing us what that Bible already warned about. I hope this will encourage all of the women who are virgin or abstinent to remain this way until they are married.
> 
> 1 Corinthians 6:16-20
> 
> ...



To be HONEST... I don't think I ever WAS a virgin. Being sexually molested several times and being raped @ 18. I didn't have a choice. Then I kept sexing because its how I coped with being raped. Doesn't make sense but yet it does. Lol. I have a skewed look at sex. Now I'm abstaining due to my relationship with YHWH, my future husband is going to have to take me for a nonvirginized, molested female. Its a fact I've had to face but it is what it is.


----------



## lesedi (Jul 15, 2010)

luthiengirlie said:


> To be HONEST... I don't think I ever WAS a virgin. Being sexually molested several times and being raped @ 18. I didn't have a choice. Then I kept sexing because its how I coped with being raped. Doesn't make sense but yet it does. Lol. I have a skewed look at sex. Now I'm abstaining due to my relationship with YHWH, my future husband is going to have to take me for a nonvirginized, molested female. Its a fact I've had to face but it is what it is.


 

I have had a similar experience to yours and recently, i have decided to abstain because my attitude to sex was warped. It held no value whatsoever to me and it was formed before I ever had adult comprehension of what sex was. How long have you been abstinent now?


----------



## luthiengirlie (Jul 15, 2010)

lesedi said:


> I have had a similar experience to yours and recently, i have decided to abstain because my attitude to sex was warped. It held no value whatsoever to me and it was formed before I ever had adult comprehension of what sex was. How long have you been abstinent now?



About 4 years. I wanna know what true romance is, I want to know what making love is not coloring. 
I wanna know what its like for someone to take the extra mile and not have it be about" well what can I GET FROM LUTHIENGIRLIE". "I'm DOING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND CARE FOR HER" I want to know what its like to have my walls completely down and its okay. I want to know what its like to be in someone's arms and just watching a movie without sex being the goal. I guess I just want to know what intimacy is like.


----------



## Poohbear (Jul 15, 2010)

So according to this article, who would have a better chance at a successful marriage and bonding with their spouse?

A virgin Atheist?

OR

A non-virgin Christian?


----------



## Poohbear (Jul 15, 2010)

lesedi said:


> People need to do what works for them. You are not 'impure' if you choose to have sex before marriage and you don't need applause for remaining a virgin. All these studies seem pretty bogus to me and are based on the motive of the 'scientist' in question.


 TOTALLY AGREE! Good response.


----------



## Similie (Jul 15, 2010)

CherryCherryBoomBoom said:


> Where did this sexual euphemism of "coloring" come from anyway? Because I hadn't even heard of it at all till recently on LHCF.


 
I think it came from the Sex and the City movie. In the movie they were sitting around asking how many times a week they made love to their spouse and Charlotte's little girl and Carrie were coloring with crayons and instead of saying sex they used "coloring" as a substitute. That's what I always assumed it meant when someone said that on here. I could be wrong though.


----------



## LovingLady (Jul 15, 2010)

The whole purpose of this article is that it reaffirms how God feels about sex outside the marriage. The article talks about how both men and women should wait until marriage for sex and how they experience the bond during sex. It doesn't mean that if you are not a virgin that your marriage won't last or that if you are a virgin your marriage is going to last, there are other factors that will determine this. I posted this article to encourage women who are *virgins* *and* for women to remain *celibate*. 

I serve a living God that will give me the desires of my heart. Regardless of what happened to you, or what you did, God will give you a great godly marriage if you desire it.


----------



## CherryCherryBoomBoom (Jul 15, 2010)

Similie said:


> I think it came from the Sex and the City movie. In the movie they were sitting around asking how many times a week they made love to their spouse and Charlotte's little girl and Carrie were coloring with crayons and instead of saying sex they used "coloring" as a substitute. That's what I always assumed it meant when someone said that on here. I could be wrong though.



Ah wait, I may have actually heard of that before, from SATC. This is it isn't it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6DBT_ONAjE
Thanks lot for the reminder


----------



## SmilingElephant (Jul 15, 2010)

lesedi said:


> I hope you didnt think my post was directed at you. I'm happy for people to do what suits them- if that means staying a virgin, then I'm wit chu! I just don't prescribe to the notion that being a virgin is somehow better than not being one. You don't have to explain your choice...IT'S YOURS.
> *I don't understand how what i said could be construed as stigma towards virgins*?


 

No i wasn't saying you were stigmatizing(word?) virgins per se.....i was just saying i'm sick of this new attitude that some ppl have about virgins...its kinda like how we know what its like being Black...but "yt america" would never really understand it.....you have to be there to see it type of thing... bc i have had numerous ppl treat me differently after finding out i was a virgin.

Like, for example... i had a manager that everytime ppl started talking about sex related subjects...she would say something like "Oh be careful, she's a virgin child!"erplexed....and at a different job i had a co-worker that if someone made a refference toward sex he would say "Baby ears".......i don't appreciate being called a CHILD when i'm not a child...being a virgin does not make me a child or a baby. All it means is that i haven't had sex with a man.....(sorry i had to vent that)


----------



## Similie (Jul 16, 2010)

CherryCherryBoomBoom said:


> Ah wait, I may have actually heard of that before, from SATC. This is it isn't it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6DBT_ONAjE
> Thanks lot for the reminder


 
Yes ma'am!


----------



## LatterGlory (Jul 16, 2010)

*Heb 10:38*Now the just shall live by faith: but if _any man_ draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. 

*1 Th 4:3-7* *3*For this is the will of God, that you should be consecrated (separated and set apart for pure and holy living): that you should abstain and shrink from all sexual vice, 

*4*That each one of you should know how to possess (control, manage) his own body in consecration (purity, separated from things profane) and honor, 
*5*Not [to be used] in the passion of lust like the heathen, who are ignorant of the true God and have no knowledge of His will, 
*6*That no man transgress and overreach his brother and defraud him in this matter or defraud his brother in business. For the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we have already warned you solemnly and told you plainly. *7*For God has not called us to impurity but to consecration [to dedicate ourselves to the most thorough purity]. (AMP)


----------



## luthiengirlie (Jul 16, 2010)

Vicky7 said:


> Wow ladies *thank you* for posting... I think I am actually prouder of you guys:
> 
> 1. For posting your experience
> 2. For being brave and wise enough to have faced life and triumphed over a situation that was not even your doing.
> ...



 * I admit I'm not 100% pure. Unfortnuatly due to abuse it can shape you in ways that society wouldn't deem Vanilla. I can pm you if you REALLY wanna know what I mean. But it was a struggle to accept that I AM this way. I am and that's okay. *


----------



## LatterGlory (Jul 16, 2010)

________________


----------



## LatterGlory (Jul 16, 2010)

__________________


----------



## Amour (Jul 16, 2010)

*re: engaged ladies support thread*



luthiengirlie said:


> About 4 years. I wanna know what true romance is, I want to know what making love is not coloring.
> I wanna know what its like for someone to take the extra mile and not have it be about" well what can I GET FROM LUTHIENGIRLIE". "I'm DOING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND CARE FOR HER" I want to know what its like to have my walls completely down and its okay. I want to know what its like to be in someone's arms and just watching a movie without sex being the goal. I guess I just want to know what intimacy is like.



Praying for you sister!!!


----------

