# Uneually Yoked Friendships



## aribell (Feb 21, 2009)

*Unequally Yoked Friendships*

How much _personal_ time (i.e., socializing, not work) do you spend with people who don't share your faith?

Any close, non-Christian friendships?


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## Renewed1 (Feb 21, 2009)

To be perfectly honest with you.  Over ten years of my Christian walk I had more non-Christian friends show me more kindess and respect then my Christian "friends".  Now that I'm older and wiser and pickier of my friends I have more true Christian friendships.  

But I do have a few non-Christian friends but there is a level of respect of my religious belief that they observe.  They don't curse around me, or invite into the things that they would normally do.  I also have friends that are of muslism belief and we use to duke it out, but now there is a respect of our differences.


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## MrsQueeny (Feb 21, 2009)

Good thread. About 95% of my friends are Christians. When I first got saved, I had cut off all of my non Christian friends. I thought that was the way to be but God checked me on that.  My goal is to be an effective witness and example to those that don't know Christ. I am not quoting scriptures all the time to them. But simply calling to check up on them, offering them a kind word is a way I can show the Love of Christ. They respect me and I respect them and their beliefs as well. He has moved some people out of my life because I was not on my job but that's another story. I think we can learn a lot from those that don't know Him.  We can get insight into why they haven't accepted Him yet and use it to help witness to others and we can answer a lot of questions they may have.

But for the most part, I don't mind meeting people who aren't saved because I was once there. It was my saved friend who showed me the love of Christ and helped to plant the seed that eventually led me to Christ. I think about how things would have been if she would have shunned me because I wasn't saved.  In all we do, we need to pray and ask God to guide us even in our relationships with other people.  Q


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## discobiscuits (Feb 22, 2009)

I only have one - my female BFF. Well, technically she is a Christian but she is a Jehova's Witness but that has been debated. Even she and I discuss the differences and why JW's are not considered Christian by other religious standards and why my beliefs are eschewed by the JWs. So I guess, really, I have no non-Christian friends. 

Never mind. LOL


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## blazingthru (Feb 22, 2009)

Yes I did, but not anymore. It was hindering me. I was letting it hinder me from growing closer to God. I kind of had one foot in and one foot out. Plus I was feeling guilty all the time when I went out with her. So thats over, I miss her at times but I can't always put my foot on why I miss her.


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## divya (Feb 22, 2009)

The majority of my friends are Christian, but not all. There are few who are just the sweetest people and have the most respect for my faith. These are not people who - at least at this time - will lead me down the wrong path. I pray that God can use me to bring them to Christ. One of them recently told me that she seriously may really need to get some religion because of how we cope with stresses of life - so she is watching. Please pray for her and for me. 

She and I spend a good bit of time. We study together for classes. She's a wonderful person and I know God can do great things for her!

BTW: I didn't vote in the poll, because I have a few non-Christian friends who are somewhat close.


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## MrsQueeny (Feb 22, 2009)

divya said:


> The majority of my friends are Christian, but not all. There are few who are just the sweetest people and have the most respect for my faith. These are not people who - at least at this time - will lead me down the wrong path. I pray that God can use me to bring them to Christ. One of them recently told me that she seriously may really need to get some religion because of how we cope with stresses of life - so she is watching. Please pray for her and for me.
> 
> She and I spend a good bit of time. We study together for classes. She's a wonderful person and I know God can do great things for her!
> 
> *BTW: I didn't vote the poll, because I have few non-Christian friends who are somewhat close.*


Same for me. Q


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## Misshairdiva (Feb 22, 2009)

I had prayed about my relationships with my girlfriends. I said " Lord, bring people into my life you want me to be friends with and take the ones out that I am not suppose to be with" well, let me tell you, I was in for a SHOCK! I had one friend who was my friend for 15 years. Well, I felt the Lord telling me to cut her lose, she was hindering me. Then another friend, then another friend. I asked my husband WHAT IS GOING ON? But, then the Lord starting bringing Christian ladies who add so much more to my life! So, if in doubt just pray about your friends, and the Holy Spirit will lead you to which ones to keep and which ones to break away from.


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## Lovestyr (Feb 22, 2009)

i am a religious person but, i wouldnt describe myself as being a chrisitian. I have a  array of friends that i hang out with some being religious and some not being so.


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## aribell (Feb 22, 2009)

I was also brought to the faith by a friend.

I was a Christian long before I was able to be around believers all that often, so there is a group of women who I am good friends with who are not Christians.  But they respect my faith and what I stand for and wouldn't lead me down any immoral paths. I do have to limit my time with them, though, and feel bad sometimes since I can't really tell them why.

My closest friends are Christians, but they're all far away, so I need to make some more now.  Definitely worth of prayer.   The only thing I find is that sometimes my most fervent Christian friends don't know how to just chill out and socialize without things being too serious.  I love talking deep stuff, but maybe I don't want to tackle the 5 points of Calvinism right now, you know?


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## Duchesse (Feb 22, 2009)

This is a thread that has been on my mind for a bit.

In general, I really only have two friends outside of my family and associates.  Neither is Christian: one is new agey spiritual I suppose, the other is a hardcore agnostic who can be quite mocking of religion.

The agnostic girl is very dear to me, we have been friends for 19 years, she is like family. But as I've been growing in spirit, I'm finding that we can't have spiritual discussions. I actually avoid them because I know how sarcastic she can be and I'm literally afraid of offending God for whatever may come out her mouth. I'm also having a hard time when we talk about male/female relationships, as my ideas have definitely turned around, and I don't want to come off as judgmental or anything.

I've been praying to God to send me a female best friend who is Christian and saved. It would be nice to have a friend to go to church with, pray with, encourage Godly courtship,etc...and regular girly stuff.

I know first hand how important it is to have close friendships who encourage where you are trying to go. I love my girls, but I know I need to find a friend who is into the same things as I am.


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## Ramya (Feb 23, 2009)

I've told this story before. When I got saved, I lost ALL of my friends. None of them were Christians and couldn't understand where I was coming from anymore. I prayed and got a great group of friends and that was great for a while but as I continue to grow some don't want to move forward. I had to respect that but at the same time not compromise my spiritual journey because they keep 1 foot in the world and 1 in the kingdom. All of my close friends are Christians but I have some associates who are not. I'm actually praying about my friend situation now. I don't want to make the wrong decision, trying to move too quickly. BUT I believe that I will have equally yoked friendships.


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## LiciaB (Feb 23, 2009)

alabama said:


> I've told this story before. When I got saved, I lost ALL of my friends. None of them were Christians and couldn't understand where I was coming from anymore. I prayed and got a great group of friends and that was great for a while but as I continue to grow some don't want to move forward. I had to respect that but at the same time not compromise my spiritual journey because they keep 1 foot in the world and 1 in the kingdom. All of my close friends are Christians but I have some associates who are not. I'm actually praying about my friend situation now. I don't want to make the wrong decision, trying to move too quickly. BUT I believe that I will have equally yoked friendships.


 
I have a similar dilemna. A very dear friend to me is saved, but has not been living as such for quite some time. Even though she is saved, I feel as though we have an unequally yoked friendship. How do you deal with your friends who have become stagnant? I've tried encouraging her and I keep her in prayer. What now?


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## Lucky's Mom (Feb 25, 2009)

Well, I will say - for the 15 years that I have been a christian, the friends that I had in the world sepearted themselves from me... 

I have considered this for many years.... and I find comfort in the scriptures.... My life as a christian is really a mirror for them.... and many times - that is hard to look into.

This isn't coming from a self righteous Point of view.... I am saying that the bible tells us that Darkness wants nothing to do with the Light.

I have to respect their pulling away from me.
I love them the same.

I also have more Christian friends than I could have ever imagined!


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## Lucky's Mom (Feb 25, 2009)

alabama said:


> I've told this story before. When I got saved, I lost ALL of my friends. None of them were Christians and couldn't understand where I was coming from anymore. I prayed and got a great group of friends and that was great for a while but as I continue to grow some don't want to move forward. I had to respect that but at the same time not compromise my spiritual journey because they keep 1 foot in the world and 1 in the kingdom. All of my close friends are Christians but I have some associates who are not. I'm actually praying about my friend situation now. I don't want to make the wrong decision, trying to move too quickly. BUT I believe that I will have equally yoked friendships.


 
Yes you will.... Be encouraged that God has great freinds that would die for you in your future.

I lost most of mine too.....


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## Lishaboo (Feb 27, 2009)

When I started my walk with Christ, the church I went to all my friends went as well (the neighborhood college church). I do have some friends that I've met later in life that are not saved but I continue to brush off on them and they tell me all the time that I get on their nerves but I'm winning souls for CHRIST!!!! But I really don't have that problem I honestly attract Christian women in my life and God places them in my life for a reason!


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## Laela (Oct 16, 2009)

Like Ramya, when I got saved, my friends changed....some became associates, others cohorts  The things I used to do, I don't do them anymore, so I CAN'T hang with them. I love them and will speak with them, they're just not in my Holy of Holies.

Being unequally yolked with friends will stunt spiritual growth and causes misunderstandings and false perceptions -- to the point people won't understand a Christian's actions. Why they didn't do anything when others did. Why they were silent when others had something to say. Depending on where they are spiritually, a Christian will hear from God and obey him. The fallout in the natural _can _sometimes be perceived as odd or even unfriendly. This is why it's important to know and understand God for ourselves, so we can develop that perfect knowledge and understanding and not be so off-ended all the time. 

God is my provider of all things, I always trust that He brings the right people into my life, for whatever season or reason.  It's important to my spiritual life to know who my friends are.


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## msa (Oct 16, 2009)

I have a mixture of Christian and non-Christian friends.

But, I actually stopped being friends with someone recently because I know I'm not Christian enough for her (she didn't tell me or imply that, but I could tell). She's a great friend but I didn't want my friendship with her to be a hindrance to her walk so I decided to end the friendship.


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Oct 16, 2009)

*Re: Unequally Yoked Friendships*



nicola.kirwan said:


> How much _personal_ time (i.e., socializing, not work) do you spend with people who don't share your faith?
> 
> Any close, non-Christian friendships?



I'm in a new city so I mostly know people at our parish but previously?  Equal amounts of time.  I think that unequally yokedness refers to the behavior of the people, not the religion of the people.

I comprehend about people witnessing to their non-christian friends and all but that is not my goal in being with people from a variety of backgrounds.  Of course, live out the faith...shouldn't everyone be a good example in the world?  

I'm not in it for the ulterior motive to convert them to my faith, including protestants.  I wouldn't appreciate anybody befriending me to convert me either.  I love people, I love cultures.  I hang around like-people - those with morals and educational goals.  What hindrances?  It's behavior that matters.  That's how I select my friends and how I teach and expect my children to select theirs.  

Living out one's faith means exemplifying it through daily living, applying the principles personally.  Otherwise, why be in said faith?   If someone asked me a question about it, I'll be happy to share.  I don't force and I don't have a shtetl mentality.  I couldn't be happy just being with other catholics (that's why I'm in this forum, to learn from those different than myself).  I need to experience all the world's people and not cloister myself off.


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## golden bronze (Oct 17, 2009)

Misshairdiva said:


> I had prayed about my relationships with my girlfriends. I said " Lord, bring people into my life you want me to be friends with and take the ones out that I am not suppose to be with" well, let me tell you, I was in for a SHOCK! I had one friend who was my friend for 15 years. Well, I felt the Lord telling me to cut her lose, she was hindering me. Then another friend, then another friend. I asked my husband WHAT IS GOING ON? But, then the Lord starting bringing Christian ladies who add so much more to my life! So, if in doubt just pray about your friends, and the Holy Spirit will lead you to which ones to keep and which ones to break away from.


 

I had the same thing happen to me! Wow! I had to cut a lot of people loose. I prayed for Godly friends, and people He wanted in my life, and to be honest, I was shocked by who God sent. Christians, but definately not the run of the mill Christians...They taught me to learn how to have the fruits of the Spirit because many of them were wounded. I think I am a better person for all of them being in my life, and I can be a better blessing to others....


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## golden bronze (Oct 17, 2009)

Duchesse said:


> This is a thread that has been on my mind for a bit.
> 
> In general, I really only have two friends outside of my family and associates. Neither is Christian: one is new agey spiritual I suppose, the other is a hardcore agnostic who can be quite mocking of religion.
> I've been praying to God to send me a female best friend who is Christian and saved. It would be nice to have a friend to go to church with, pray with, encourage Godly courtship,etc...and regular girly stuff.
> ...


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## goldielocs (Oct 18, 2009)

Thinking about this explains why a friendship recently went south...

All of my friends are Christians.  It wasn't done on purpose, but that's how it's worked out so far.  Part of the reason is I moved across country 2 years ago and we met people through a local church.  My hubby and I are homebodies so we don't get out and socialize much. 

In the past, the non-christian friends I had didn't respect my faith and I wasn't strong enough to put up a fight.  They have all fallen away and only my christian friends remain.


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## kim (Oct 19, 2009)

Laela said:


> Like Ramya, when I got saved, my friends changed....some became associates, others cohorts  The things I used to do, I don't do them anymore, so I CAN'T hang with them. I love them and will speak with them, they're just not in my Holy of Holies.
> 
> Being unequally yolked with friends will stunt spiritual growth and causes misunderstandings and false perceptions -- to the point people won't understand a Christian's actions. Why they didn't do anything when others did. Why they were silent when others had something to say. Depending on where they are spiritually, a Christian will hear from God and obey him. The fallout in the natural _can _sometimes be perceived as odd or even unfriendly. This is why it's important to know and understand God for ourselves, so we can develop that perfect knowledge and understanding and not be so off-ended all the time.
> 
> God is my provider of all things, I always trust that He brings the right people into my life, for whatever season or reason.  It's important to my spiritual life to know who my friends are.



Well said and so true! This thread came at a perfect time, I have been up since 3am praying and thinking on this very subject. I got on the computer early and something told me to come to this forum. To my suprise I find this thread! I was asking for answers so I guess the lord led me here. Thanks also to the OP!!


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## DivaD04 (Oct 19, 2009)

decided to delete


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## Laela (Oct 19, 2009)

Hi, Kim,

I pray that God bring like-minded people to your life, people with whom you share common ground, so you don't have to go through your walk with strife in your heart. Pray for your friends that they too will come to know him and leave the rest to him. The friendships will go one way or another on their own simply because you start living for God and mean it. It's not that people are disposable, but relationships can be. 
If a friend says they understood/knew you before and now don't because they think you're "too Christian" , that means you've changed/are changing and your mind has been renewed/is being renewed.... consider that a good thing. You can't draw others to Christ if you yourself haven't changed.

(not YOU directly...  I tend to speak this way) 

God blessings to you!





kim said:


> Well said and so true! This thread came at a perfect time, I have been up since 3am praying and thinking on this very subject. I got on the computer early and something told me to come to this forum. To my suprise I find this thread! I was asking for answers so I guess the lord led me here. Thanks also to the OP!!


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## kim (Oct 19, 2009)

Thank you.


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## LifeafterLHCF (Oct 19, 2009)

Welll my best friends are gay men.They go to church,read their bibles,and pray but I know what the bible says about homosexuals.I had a female friend who I had to let go bc she made me feel as though I was doing too much.She had causal sex and I use to do things back in the day but since I have rededicated to God I haven't touched the stuff in years.I wish I could have more real christian friends that are serious and aren't about all that relgious stuff..there are christians who are on the team of God then their are disciples who are a little bit different and do stuff..I hope I will be able to start going to single night at my church so i can talk to ppl my age


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## inthepink (Oct 20, 2009)

I'm going to respond before I read everyone else's responses (b/c then I'll probably have too much to say! lol)

I have had a really hard time developing Christian friendships where I now live and it's been really rough.  I miss my Christian friendships.

I have a few other friends who are not Christians and I enjoy my time with them yet there is still something missing from those relationships.  

I think you can be friends with non-Christians and should be but it seems really hard to develop really true friendships when the most important person in your life is God and theirs isn't.  At least I've found this to be true for me.

I crave Christian friendships so I can have someone to talk to. For example, if I have an issue, I really want Christian-based advice.  Whereas getting that advice from someone non-Christian, sometimes the advice is completely against the bible and I have a hard time with that.

So, I think close unequally yoked friendships can be difficult for some (including myself) but I do think it's important to have Christian and non-Christian friends.


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## inthepink (Oct 20, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> I was also brought to the faith by a friend.
> 
> I was a Christian long before I was able to be around believers all that often, so there is a group of women who I am good friends with who are not Christians.  But they respect my faith and what I stand for and wouldn't lead me down any immoral paths. *I do have to limit my time with them, though, and feel bad sometimes since I can't really tell them why.*
> 
> *My closest friends are Christians, but they're all far away, so I need to make some more now.  Definitely worth of prayer.  * The only thing I find is that sometimes my most fervent Christian friends don't know how to just chill out and socialize without things being too serious.  I love talking deep stuff, but maybe I don't want to tackle the 5 points of Calvinism right now, you know?



I'm with you here on both of these points.

And based on other replies in this thread, I sure hope God is bringing some more godly friendships into my life soon!  I've been wanting this for over 2 years now and am quite lonely.


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## inthepink (Oct 20, 2009)

On the topic of God removing friendships, I have experienced this also.  Only in my case, I didn't completely listen to him making the entire process a very difficult one and I may have also just been deceived by the friend since we had been friends for a very long time.

Still, I believe to this day that God wanted me away from this friendship and it's been one of the best things that's happened to me (less anxiety in my life) as well as one of the most difficult things I've experienced.  This person was said to be a Christian but her actions/words were not Christian-like in many situations (and towards me) so I believe God wanted me away from it even after 15 years of friendship.  But I believe the difficulty of the "break" came from not listening to God in the first place and doing things my way - hanging on for the little benefits.  Just because you've been friends with someone for 15 years doesn't mean you need to be friends with them for the next 15 years.  

So, all of this to say that if you're feeling God telling you something about a friendship to listen to him.  And if the answer is to end the friendship, end it as civilly as possible - harsh words are not necessary even if you get them from that person, don't return them. Remember to have grace.  Let God handle the rest.


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## Laela (Oct 21, 2009)

Hairlove, 
The bolded was on my mind this morning when I was in the bathroom and how timely is your post!  Because I was about to say that. 
No one should have to choose between God/their salvation and a friend. No one.
A Friend will respect your wishes and not try to keep you from progressing 
A Friend won't start calling you a nut when you choose to live for God
A Friend won't encourage you to skip bible study to come to the lounge when they know that's on your heart
A Friend won't laugh at you when you read your Bible 

God bless 



hairlove said:


> On the topic of God removing friendships, I have experienced this also.  Only in my case, I didn't completely listen to him making the entire process a very difficult one and I may have also just been deceived by the friend since we had been friends for a very long time.
> 
> Still, I believe to this day that God wanted me away from this friendship and it's been one of the best things that's happened to me (less anxiety in my life) as well as one of the most diffi*cult things I've experienced.  This person was said to be a Christian but her actions/words were not Christian-like in many situations (and towards me) so I believe God wanted me away from it even after 15 years of friendship.  But I believe the difficulty of the "break" came from not listening to God in the first place and doing things my way - hanging on for the little benefits.  Just because you've been friends with someone for 15 years doesn't mean you need to be friends with them for the next 15 years*.
> 
> So, all of this to say that if you're feeling God telling you something about a friendship to listen to him.  And if the answer is to end the friendship, end it as civilly as possible - harsh words are not necessary even if you get them from that person, don't return them. Remember to have grace.  Let God handle the rest.


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## aribell (Oct 21, 2009)

It's so interesting to me that this thread got bumped back up because some good things have been happening friendship-wise.  Unfortunately, I've had to let go of the non-Christian women I have been friends with for abou 10 years now.  When we were younger, it was okay. But as we get older, our paths have just drifted too much apart.  Either you're growing as a person and growing spiritually, or you're stagnating and getting worse.  

But, two friends that I had in the past who would have really been best described as nominal Christians, have become women who follow the Lord more strongly, one of who recently told me about her excitement about a missions trip and spiritual growth, etc.  That's why I think that if non-Christian friends are content to walk with you and respect your faith, then it's good to keep the friendship.  The Lord can use it to bear good fruit in them.


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