# Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mate?



## cocoberry10 (Apr 4, 2008)

I've wondered this for a little while, especially after a thread I did in relationships about compatibility using shoes as an example

My question is, do you think that God gives us free will to choose a mate (i.e. as long as certain things are in order, that he's a believer, etc.) *OR *do you think God would place someone in our life and kind of say "this is who I expect you to marry?"

I mean, how much "free will" do we really have?


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## Ms.Honey (Apr 4, 2008)

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I believe that God presents people to us like He presented Eve to Adam but He gives us the choice to accept or reject. But who would be crazy enough to reject a hook up from Jesus


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## PaperClip (Apr 4, 2008)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

We have complete free will. The all-wise Lord does have ways to "shift" us into His will but He does not force us.


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 4, 2008)

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RelaxerRehab said:


> We have complete free will. The all-wise Lord does have ways to "shift" us into His will but He does not force us.


 
He has definitely *SHIFTED* me a few times in other areas. I often wonder with this subject if you married someone you "wanted" to marry, as opposed to someone you felt God placed in your life??? I asked that b/c of a thread I started in relationships about those who reject people based on looks only. I mean, what if "the right one" wasn't too aesthetically pleasing? It seems a lot of the ladies said they would reject someone on looks only if they saw him as ooooooooooogly


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## nychaelasymone (Apr 4, 2008)

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I think God expects us to be smart enough to ask him if the person we are involved with is one He approves.  Actually....I do think He has someone created just for us.  Why do so many of us say we are waiting on the Lord to bring us our mate.    That's why I now understand the absolute importance of people waiting until marriage to have sex.  The less confusion, the better able you are to hear from God.


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## discobiscuits (Apr 5, 2008)

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MSHONEY said:


> *I believe that God presents people to us like He presented Eve to Adam but He gives us the choice to accept or reject.* But who would be crazy enough to reject a hook up from Jesus




*this is my opinion as well. and, like adam, we should recognize what god has made for us when he presents us with it. *


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## MissMeWithThatIsh (Apr 5, 2008)

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MSHONEY said:


> I believe that God presents people to us like He presented Eve to Adam but He gives us the choice to accept or reject. But who would be crazy enough to reject a hook up from Jesus


 

100% in agreeance. 
There was a time I went by my mother's rules of, "If you give your virginity to a man, try to make sure you're at least going to marry him." It ended up being the most abusive relationship I've ever had, and needless to say, even when  WE (ex and I ) were in church together, too much was going on that I knew it wasn't for us.

4 years later, I'm in a relationship that "mother, father and church" wouldn't have "approved of" and I'm VERY happy. Sometimes, God just knows when you're ready and He'll place that person in front of you. You won't even know it. 

God used my 1st relationship to prepare me for my future husband, courtesy of Ramstein AFB, Germany...


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## kweenameena (Apr 5, 2008)

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So what happens to those that jumped the gun and married who they chose and not the one God had for them? Would God want them to leave that marriage for the "chosen" mate? Would God still bless your marriage? So many questions.......


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## MissMeWithThatIsh (Apr 5, 2008)

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kweenameena said:


> So what happens to those that jumped the gun and married who they chose and not the one God had for them? Would God want them to leave that marriage for the "chosen" mate? Would God still bless your marriage? So many questions.......


 
I BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE A GOD OF 2ND CHANCES, HE WOULD BE OKAY WITH IT AS LONG AS WE'VE DONE THE BEST WE CAN TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK. IF IT TRULY ISN'T MEANT TO BE, THEN THE MARRIAGE WILL END. 

IF IT'S AN OK SITUATION, BUT NOT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU HAVE TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO TRULY MAKE IT WORK BEFORE YOU WALK OUT OF THE DOOR. 

GOD WILL BLESS ANYTHING HE IS INVOLVED IN...


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 5, 2008)

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kweenameena said:


> So what happens to those that jumped the gun and married who they chose and not the one God had for them? Would God want them to leave that marriage for the "chosen" mate? Would God still bless your marriage? So many questions.......





TheLaurynDoll said:


> I BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE A GOD OF 2ND CHANCES, HE WOULD BE OKAY WITH IT AS LONG AS WE'VE DONE THE BEST WE CAN TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK. IF IT TRULY ISN'T MEANT TO BE, THEN THE MARRIAGE WILL END.
> 
> IF IT'S AN OK SITUATION, BUT NOT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU HAVE TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO TRULY MAKE IT WORK BEFORE YOU WALK OUT OF THE DOOR.
> 
> GOD WILL BLESS ANYTHING HE IS INVOLVED IN...


 
I agree with what Lauryn said. I assume if God doesn't approve of something, it's because He is trying to protect us. So, there may be added "hardships," but as Lauryn said, if God is in it (whether it was HIS choice or not), He's going to bless it


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## star (Apr 5, 2008)

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We have free will to do anything but a Christian should ALWAY choose God's will. God hand picked everything about us our parents, siblings, hair, eye color, race, gender etc. and He has a mate picked for us too. If we choose to wait on him to expose or reveal him is the key. But, one must be close enough to God to know this; many do not come into the full knowledge or his will until after the fact but even then he can worked it out since you did not know at the time and because He is ALL knowing. 

I have problem that God can pick my career, my house, give warm blood in my vain but he cannot pick *my MAN*. I do not believe it. God has a PERFECT will for all of us it just depends on whether want to go that way or are we blinded to his will based on walk with him. This topic manily applies to Christians since people who do not talk to him cannot be held completely accountable for their mistakes or descions.


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## Country gal (Apr 6, 2008)

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How do you know that the man you meet or dealing with is the one? I feel like God doesn't talk loud enough. Steve Harvey makes great points. He said we have to be patient with GOd. He will answer your prayers. He said he planned on being a player after his divorce but God steered him in a different direction. He ended up marrying his current wife.


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 6, 2008)

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Country gal said:


> How do you know that the man you meet or dealing with is the one? I feel like God doesn't talk loud enough. Steve Harvey makes great points. He said we have to be patient with GOd. He will answer your prayers. *He said he planned on being a player after his divorce but God steered him in a different direction. He ended up marrying his current wife*.


 
 I love the bolded!


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## MissMeWithThatIsh (Apr 6, 2008)

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Country gal said:


> How do you know that the man you meet or dealing with is the one? I feel like God doesn't talk loud enough. Steve Harvey makes great points. He said we have to be patient with GOd. He will answer your prayers. He said he planned on being a player after his divorce but God steered him in a different direction. He ended up marrying his current wife.


 

Well, with my currrent SO, I was going through a period where I decided that I wasn't going to deal with men seriously at all. I just wanted to have fun and enjoyed being by myself. *I also prayed hard to God, "God PLEASE remove this MAN from my life if he's not what YOU truly intend for me to have, because I'm not trying to get played or hurt and it seems like there are too many things that can go wrong* (time and distance, military, etc., plus my decision not to be emotionally involved with anyone). In other words,* I continually requested God to remove this man in my life if he wasn't for me (as  opposed to just doing it on my own), and the more I prayed, the more he stayed...* to the point where *my dad threatened to kick me out if I didn't make this man switch up his plans from going to Atl to see his parents (and I with him) to all of a sudden making him come to NYC, find a hotel and THEN arrange flights to and from Newark ( I lived in Staten Island)... to "meet and show respect" to my parents  on my 21st birthday.* *SO actually didn't mind doing all of that, and he still got me gifts. *This was the FIRST time we had met, and to see that much love and devotion had me slightly wary... but as time progressed and I saw how "good" a relationship could be it was comforting. (And not to mention, *God put me in a position so I could move 2 weeks after my 21st birthday -when we first met- to Douglasville, GA and we were able to spend time together every two months and now we're just together 2.5 years later*) 


This is long... sorry but it is an example of how God can put His intervention in things. SO is cute, but upon first knowing him, I never saw the potential... HE and God saw the potential immediately...

*So you just have to pray and fervently pay attention. *


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## Ms.Honey (Apr 6, 2008)

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While I do believe that God presents people to us (plural) I don't believe in "soul mates", people destined to be our spouses. I believes that He presents MANY people to us to fellowship with not necessarily marry. That's our choice to make. He does this when we're in line with His will and have had quite a few experiences with Him, after we've been obedient to His will not just because we've been praying for one.
The bible says that we can marry who we want to as long as it in the Lord, a converted Christian.
 To marry or not to marry is our choice. Paul said if you CHOOSE to marry you're not sinning and if you CHOOSE NOT to marry you're not sinning.
  I think we need to careful when attributing our relationships to God just because we're happy for the moment. If and when they end badly, we tend to blame the Lord for sending that person to us, for not warning us or beg for the return of the person and look like fools to others in the process. Every good gift comes from above (paraphrasing). If there's a lot of drama attached to it(pre-marriage) it's not from Him. We have to remember that the devil is a counterfitter, he gives gifts too but to weaken us and to destroy us in the end. AND He'll send us someone who LOOKS like a saint, the answer to our prayers but one who does not have our best interests at heart at all.
We are not obligated to stay in any relationship pre-marriage and we need to remember that the other party is under absolutely no obligation to remain either and can end it at any time. So it's best not to get wrapped up emotionally with someone we're not married to. If they dump us they have the freedom to do so.
 God will not bless our mess! If He tells us not to marry and we marry anyway then we will receive His chastisement not His blessings. He does not reward disobedience. While we are still bound to that person we will have to endure what He tried to save us from and He will strengthen us to do it. If we marry before knowing the Lord to someone He would not have approved of after conversion, in that situation I believe He will bless the marriage because He is a forgiving God. He frees us of our sins that we committed before salvation but He says we're accountable for those we commit after receiving salvation.


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## Trini"T" (Apr 7, 2008)

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I agree with you MsHoney, I don't believe in the whole soulmate thing either. In Corinthians 7, the way marriage is talked about doesn't sound like it has to be this one special person that you were born to marry. Corinthians 7:39 "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.  But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord".  It sounds like there there is a lot of freedom there.  In Corinthians the emphasis is mostly on whether or not you were called to marry(I guess if you have the desire, because Paul didn't) and if the person is a Christian.  

Then we have my favorite...Corinthians 7:9 which basically says that it is better to marry than to burn in passionate lust.  That too sounds like there is a lot of freedom there.  I of course believe however, that it is important to seek God first before you get into any sort of relationship.


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 8, 2008)

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MSHONEY said:


> While I do believe that God presents people to us (plural) I don't believe in "soul mates", people destined to be our spouses. I believes that He presents MANY people to us to fellowship with not necessarily marry. That's our choice to make. He does this when we're in line with His will and have had quite a few experiences with Him, after we've been obedient to His will not just because we've been praying for one.
> The bible says that we can marry who we want to as long as it in the Lord, a converted Christian.
> To marry or not to marry is our choice. Paul said if you CHOOSE to marry you're not sinning and if you CHOOSE NOT to marry you're not sinning.
> I think we need to careful when attributing our relationships to God just because we're happy for the moment. If and when they end badly, we tend to blame the Lord for sending that person to us, for not warning us or beg for the return of the person and look like fools to others in the process. Every good gift comes from above (paraphrasing). If there's a lot of drama attached to it(pre-marriage) it's not from Him. We have to remember that the devil is a counterfitter, he gives gifts too but to weaken us and to destroy us in the end. AND He'll send us someone who LOOKS like a saint, the answer to our prayers but one who does not have our best interests at heart at all.
> ...


 
thanks. I like this perspective!


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 11, 2008)

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Bumping for more responses!!!!!!!!


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## kandake (Apr 11, 2008)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

I voted "heck yeah, God is God, What he says goes." but I don't necessarily agree with the word "importune".  But thats just semantics.

I have thought about this a lot in the last year or so.  I'm married.  I've been married for almost two years but have been separated from my husband for over a year.  We are both Christians.  While we were dating he came to me and told me that God told him that I was his wife.  We went on with our lives and I believed that I received conformation from God that this was infact that man that HE wanted me to marry.  Long story short we get married and as I just mentioned we are now separated.  I am at my wits end trying to figure this thing out.  I don't know if he was God sent and this is the the devil interfering with our marriage (you know he comes to kill steal and destroy right).  Or if he wasn't supposed to be my husband and God has intervened to get us back on track to finding the people that we're truly supposed to be with.  I also want to add that God hates divorce; so I don't know how this plays into it.  I don't understand why he would allow us to marry someone thats not for us if He doesn't like divorce.  Anyway, I digress.

I do know that God is soverign and omnipotent; he has ALL power.  To add to that I want to say that our lives or predestined.  God knows what's going to happen in our lives before we come out of womb.  So, I have a hard time believing that we truly have freewill.

With that said, I believe that God has handpicked a mate for us just as he did for Adam.  The problem is that we get in the way of His will.  We do things the way we see fit.  Oftentimes we pick mates without his consultation.  We don't pray about it and we don't ask for His guidance.  But God allows us to marry those individuals.  For what reason, I don't know.  I had a Sunday school teacher that called it God's "permissive will as opposed to God's perfect will."

I said all that to say that yes I think that God has a handpicked, predestined mate for us.  But we have to be careful to not operate in our own freewill or else will get off course and God will have to bring us back into alignment with HIS perfect and sovereign will.

In the meantime I'm still trying to figure out what happened in my situation.


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## HeChangedMyName (Apr 12, 2008)

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I think God has a specific plan for each of us but he allows us to choice and make decisions based off what we want.  The problem is that it usually takes us a lot of unnecessary trial and error to figure out that what God wants for us is the best.  It's better than what we thought we wanted so I think that if we don't mess up and stray too far away, that mate that God has for us(for those of us who are gifted to be married) will still be available.  

I know I am gifted to be someones wife so I am waiting for my chance to sleep at my Boaz's feet.  I have submitted the search up to God so that he can give me to my husband, apparently I'm not good at this free will thing when it comes to relationships because I am single, yet again.

with that being said, I think we can use our free will and chsose to marry someone who God didn't choose for us and it can work but not be perfect like God planned it.


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 12, 2008)

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Kandi, I'm really sorry about your situation and separation. Personally, I think no matter what (whether your husband was sent by God or not, God *WANTS *to work it out between you). As you said, God hates divorce, and not because he is judging people who get divorce, but because of all the hurt, pain and sometimes drama it causes. I don't know what's going on between you and your husband, but I do think God CAN work things out if you give Him a chance. He never said things would be perfect, even when we follow His perfect will. I am struggling now with a life situation (not marriage). I am trying to do something that's God's will, and I know it's God's will, b/c I was doing my own will for a while. I know that this is world-changing stuff, and trust me, I'm meeting opposition at every corner.  Sometimes, you are fighting a generational curse and you don't even know it. I'm not sure about you (or your husband's) family history, but maybe divorce, separation, adultery, abuse, alcoholism, or something else is a problem. So, even though you entered your marriage intending so, it's not just your battle you are fighting but generations of battles.  I will keep you and your husband in my prayers!



**kandi** said:


> I voted "heck yeah, God is God, What he says goes." but I don't necessarily agree with the word "importune". But thats just semantics.
> 
> I have thought about this a lot in the last year or so. I'm married. I've been married for almost two years but have been separated from my husband for over a year. We are both Christians. While we were dating he came to me and told me that God told him that I was his wife. We went on with our lives and I believed that I received conformation from God that this was infact that man that HE wanted me to marry. Long story short we get married and as I just mentioned we are now separated. I am at my wits end trying to figure this thing out. I don't know if he was God sent and this is the the devil interfering with our marriage (you know he comes to kill steal and destroy right). Or if he wasn't supposed to be my husband and God has intervened to get us back on track to finding the people that we're truly supposed to be with. I also want to add that God hates divorce; so I don't know how this plays into it. I don't understand why he would allow us to marry someone thats not for us if He doesn't like divorce. Anyway, I digress.
> 
> ...


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## kandake (Apr 13, 2008)

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Cocaberry, thanks so much for your kind words.


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 13, 2008)

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**kandi** said:


> Cocaberry, thanks so much for your kind words.


 
No problem. I pray everything works out for you!


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## cocoberry10 (Apr 14, 2008)

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Bumpity bump!!!!!! (Shimmie get in here)!


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## Cloud06 (Apr 15, 2008)

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I believe WE choose who we marry. God can show us who we can benefit from and learn and grow from but marriage is not for everyone its a personal choice. God CAN show us potential mates but what you WANT may not be in his plan for you. We need relationships to grow and to change and teach us how to "walk" right. 

I got invloved with a young man a while ago and it seem all too perfect, heard he had a fling while with me; it was true. But I stayed anyway and tried to trust. But that man brought all the worst qualities out of me and led me away from God( well I put my relationship with God on the backburner in love of this man) Worst time of my life; thats what I get, Huh? 
Point blank listen to God to show you the right choices to make and the right the right people to fool with! I make it a point to put God 1st in every venture I get into in life. If I'm not sure about a person friend or associate, I pray on it! And watch and wait all while stayin true to my morals and beliefs!


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## Ariana4000 (Apr 18, 2008)

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I had a LOT of bad relationships before my husband.  I got so tired of it.  I didn’t meet my husband until I prayed.  I asked God to take the selfishness out of my heart. I asked him to send me the man He wanted for me or to take the desire out of my heart to be married.  I was ready to just be alone, and like clock work my husband came along.  I believe I had free choice though I could have been the old me and not have let the relationship blossom.


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## poookie (Apr 19, 2008)

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MSHONEY said:


> While I do believe that God presents people to us (plural) I don't believe in "soul mates", people destined to be our spouses. I believes that He presents MANY people to us to fellowship with not necessarily marry. That's our choice to make. He does this when we're in line with His will and have had quite a few experiences with Him, after we've been obedient to His will not just because we've been praying for one.
> The bible says that we can marry who we want to as long as it in the Lord, a converted Christian.
> To marry or not to marry is our choice. Paul said if you CHOOSE to marry you're not sinning and if you CHOOSE NOT to marry you're not sinning.
> I think we need to careful when attributing our relationships to God just because we're happy for the moment. If and when they end badly, we tend to blame the Lord for sending that person to us, for not warning us or beg for the return of the person and look like fools to others in the process. Every good gift comes from above (paraphrasing). If there's a lot of drama attached to it(pre-marriage) it's not from Him. We have to remember that the devil is a counterfitter, he gives gifts too but to weaken us and to destroy us in the end. AND He'll send us someone who LOOKS like a saint, the answer to our prayers but one who does not have our best interests at heart at all.
> ...





thank you for that post.  i needed to read that.


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## envybeauty (Mar 9, 2009)

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I now believe that we choose. The bible says "he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing." It does not say "he who findeth his only wife" or "he who findeth the wife chosen for him." It says "a wife"  --- as in any one he chooses.


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## Northern_Belle (Mar 9, 2009)

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I believe that God can arrange for your path to cross with a partner that can be ideal for you but ultimately we have free choice for who we marry. Not every woman who desires a husband is going to find one. That is not a punishment from God. We have to be diligent to make God the head of our relationships and listen to His wisdom as we establish the foundation that will lead to a healthy and Godly marriage.


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## divya (Mar 9, 2009)

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God makes a way for us to meet an individual, but ultimately, it is our choice to marry. Ms. Honey and SuperNova have explained it very well...


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## moonglowdiva (Mar 9, 2009)

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*I think oftentimes in our hast we tend to do things out of the will of God (hence so much divorce). Because the word did say, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder." Mark 10:9 Now, if the marriage had been joined by God and not man (or woman) manipulating things along the way then nothing could separate the union. But IDK. I do believe that God will join you with the person you are suppose to receive but you (the woman) has to be ready. Just my take on the subject.*


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## BeautifulFlower (Mar 10, 2009)

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ITA. 

I believe this simple truth. God has a unique and specific plan for all of us. If we seek that plan or will, we live according to his will. He will always present his choice for us to us. We have free will to accept or reject. If you're out of his will, you can make the worst mistakes and reject. God is not random. He has a specific plan for your life, including the people that will and will not be in your life and the role they will play. God chooses, presents, and we can accept or reject. Its better to accept.  



moonglowdiva said:


> *I think oftentimes in our hast we tend to do things out of the will of God (hence so much divorce). Because the word did say, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder." Mark 10:9 Now, if the marriage had been joined by God and not man (or woman) manipulating things along the way then nothing could separate the union. But IDK. I do believe that God will join you with the person you are suppose to receive but you (the woman) has to be ready. Just my take on the subject.*


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## kinkicurlyfyne (Mar 10, 2009)

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How are you ever supposed to differentiate what God is telling you from WHAT YOU WANT GOD TO SAY? I have been wondering this for a while, especially in this situation.


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## Caramela (Mar 10, 2009)

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Both. I think he may put in your life who he'd like to see you with, but you have the free will to marry any Schmuck you like. God warns in the bible not to join yourself with an unbeliever and then gives you advice if you should chose to do so anyway... so that tells me that you have free will. (1 Corinthians 7:12-13)


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## BeautifulFlower (Mar 10, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

This is one of the most asked questions about God. In my studies, I have found this. 

You first start with his Word. Look to his Word for answers to your questions. If you have a more specific question like "Where do I work?", "What school should I go to?", "Or how should I marry?" this REQUIRES an intimate relationship with God. In prayer, you make your request known to him and wait for an answer. God speaks to every one differently. Some of the most common I've heard are: 


Asking him to open or shut opportunities, will lead him to do just that.
Asking him to speak to you and he does so in a very still, quiet nugging from within
Certain things come to mind that you've been trying to ignore or disregard
Consulting a godly, mature person and thinking and praying about what they have said to you and make sure thats a direction you want to take 
There are other ways but the most important part of it is knowing the character of God. Thats so essential to knowing when he's talking to you. Thats what makes your relationship with him so special. You can't explain it or quantify it, however...its so real and so special. 



kinkicurlyfyne said:


> How are you ever supposed to differentiate what God is telling you from WHAT YOU WANT GOD TO SAY? I have been wondering this for a while, especially in this situation.


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## kinkicurlyfyne (Mar 10, 2009)

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Thank you!!


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## ChelzBoo (Mar 13, 2009)

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I believe that god reveals the person but we have the choice to trust him and accept or chose whom we please. Either way, anything under the covenant of marriage you will be held accountable whether its the person god brought you or the one you chose. And if a person marries someone they chose and they are really trying abd keeping god first, god will bless the union reguardless.

I believe that we have free will to chose whomever we want to marry, and I believe that IF you SEEK god he will reveal the man he intends for you to wed.

  Be


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## Kiadodie (Mar 13, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

YOu know this always confuses me.  To me, God is ALL knowing. He of course gives us free will on some things, then there are things I think we are destined for that no matter what, we cannot control and it's going to happen.

As for the person we marry, I think we have the free will to choose our mates but then again, I feel sometimes some people are just destined to be together, to fullfill the will of God.  So..I dont know really. 

I pray to God to bring me the man of my desire. I know though that He will _not_ bring me someone that I will _NOT_ want...I just can't see God bringing a man that He wants for me to marry _knowing_ that I wouldn't choose to be w/ that man erplexed .


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## moonglowdiva (Mar 13, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



dodie said:


> YOu know this always confuses me. To me, God is ALL knowing. He of course gives us free will on some things, then there are things I think we are destined for that no matter what, we cannot control and it's going to happen.
> 
> As for the person we marry, I think we have the free will to choose our mates but then again, I feel sometimes some people are just destined to be together, to fullfill the will of God. So..I dont know really.
> 
> *I pray to God to bring me the man of my desire.* I know though that He will _not_ bring me someone that I will _NOT_ want...I just can't see God bringing a man that He wants for me to marry _knowing_ that I wouldn't choose to be w/ that man erplexed .


 
*@ bolded: That literally jumped off the screen at me. Instead of praying that God bring you the man of YOUR desire, why couldn't it be that you pray that God bring you the man that will help you carry out His will. It's just a thought. God can arrange for that man to be your desire. *


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## Kiadodie (Mar 13, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



moonglowdiva said:


> *@ bolded: That literally jumped off the screen at me.*_ *Instead of praying that God bring you the man of YOUR desire, why couldn't it be that you pray that God bring you the man that will help you carry out His will.*_* It's just a thought. God can arrange for that man to be your desire.*


 
Wow, thanks..I never thought of it that way.    Thank you!!  I will pray on it.


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

I wanted to added this...

This is not to say you can hide out and expect God to bring someone to your door. I believe you have to do your part. Prepare by becoming a virtuous woman, make sure you look your best as much as possible, and meet new people. Put yourself in position, and let God take care of the rest.


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## Belle Du Jour (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

I'm starting to wonder if God has any role in "matchmaking" in these times.  Things are so different from the way they used to be, I don't know if I believe that God presents most people to their future spouse unless He truly has a divine purpose for that couple.  The whole dating scene has me feeling very jaded right now.


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## Belle Du Jour (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



**kandi** said:


> With that said, I believe that God has handpicked a mate for us just as he did for Adam.  The problem is that we get in the way of His will.  We do things the way we see fit.  Oftentimes we pick mates without his consultation.  We don't pray about it and we don't ask for His guidance.  But God allows us to marry those individuals.  For what reason, I don't know.  I had a Sunday school teacher that called it God's "permissive will as opposed to God's perfect will."
> 
> I said all that to say that* yes I think that God has a handpicked, predestined mate for us.  But we have to be careful to not operate in our own freewill or else will get off course and God will have to bring us back into alignment with HIS perfect and sovereign will.*
> 
> In the meantime I'm still trying to figure out what happened in my situation.



What bothers me about this is you're dealing with two individuals with free will.  What if the woman decides she doesn't like the man?  Or the man decides she doesn't meet his standards?  What happens to the person who wasn't chosen by the person God wanted him or her to be with?  Is that person destined to remain single or have a bad marriage (because it wasn't the person God intended him/her to marry)?  Maybe we should be praying that God gives that person the wisdom to recognize us.


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## TrustMeLove (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

I don't believe in soul mates. However, I believe that there is a person out there that God has for me and only me. 

That w/o that person I can't complete what God has destined for me to complete and neither can that person. Maybe should I say not complete what I am destined to complete in the fashion God has called for it to be done. But, as someone stated before..we serve a God of 2nd 3rd and 4th chances. 

Now say God-forbid I pass away. My husband can find another person to marry that God has set up for him and only him so that he can continue doing things (the work of the Lord, growing more Christ-like etc) which he couldn't do with out that person.

Now, as God presents these people to us, it's our duty to seek God's face on whether or not this person is THE ONE for that time. 

I believe you can LOVE ALOT OF PEOPLE. You can be happy w/ ALOT of people. But, that doesn't mean you should marry any of them. 

*My grandma use to say you can love who you want, but be careful who you have your babies with.  Hahahahaha! She was on to something here...If I think about it in the holiest of ways. *

There is someone out there that was called by God before you were a twinkle in your mommas eye to be your husband for this time. Now all of that stands ONLY if you were called to marry in the first place.


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

What does soul mate mean?


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## TrustMeLove (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

I also wanted to add that..

I know people who didn't hear the voice of the Lord and married someone they weren't suppose to marry. WHILE IN THE CHURCH. They are currently not doing what they were called to do. They have told me this stuff personally. That God has spoken to them and told them they were outside of His will and not doing what He called for them to do..due to them choosing their own mate. God didn't tell them to divorce...they are still working through their situation.

They say that their spouse is absolutely AMAZING. Kind and loving person. Nothing bad to say about the person. But, they know that this wasn't in God's plan.


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## ChelzBoo (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

i believe that god importunes if u seek out his will in that area of ur life.


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## ChelzBoo (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



TrustMeLove said:


> *I don't believe in soul mates. However, I believe that there is a person out there that God has for me and only me. *
> 
> i totally agree. my soul mate is jesus


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## Belle Du Jour (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



TrustMeLove said:


> Now all of that stands ONLY if you were called to marry in the first place.



Unless God has given someone the gift of celibacy (ie no sexual drive) then we are ALL called to marry.  Marriage is not something that is only reserved for some people.  Unfortunately, many don't marry or get married in a timely fashion because of out sinful ways.  This is a common lie told to Christian singles that not everyone is called to marriage.  I digressed


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## TrustMeLove (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



Belle Du Jour said:


> Unless God has given someone the gift of celibacy (ie no sexual drive) then we are ALL called to marry.  Marriage is not something that is only reserved for some people.  Unfortunately, many don't marry or get married in a timely fashion because of out sinful ways.  This is a common lie told to Christian singles that not everyone is called to marriage.  I digressed



Huh? You said what I said but in a longer and different way. Not being called to marry.. to me would suggest you were called to be celibate. Not everyone is suppose to get marry or will get married. 

Also, I believe marriage is for some people otherwise we wouldn't have folks who are called to be celibate which is also reserved for some people.


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## Belle Du Jour (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



TrustMeLove said:


> Huh? *You said what I said but in a longer and different way. Not being called to marry.. to me would suggest you were called to be celibate. Not everyone is suppose to get marry or will get married. *
> 
> Also, I believe marriage is for some people otherwise we wouldn't have folks who are called to be celibate which is also reserved for some people.



Nope. These two statements are NOT the same thing.  Just because someone is single, doesn't mean that person is single by choice or desire.  And it *certainly *doesn't mean they weren't "called" too be married by God.  In other words, God has the best intentions for His children which for MOST (95% or more) people equals marriage.  But because of disobedience, many suffer the consequences (ie why so many Christian women lament being single).  Singleness was never God's will.  It's stated very clearly in the Bible that you should only be single if you have no desire to marry and can remain sexually pure.  Everyone else should get married.  I agree with you that not everyone will get married, but NOT because they weren't suppose to.  It's because of sin and the current state of romantic relationships.  

Debbie Maken wrote a very good book on the subject (and Bunny 77 started a great thread here in the Christian forum talking about that book.)  Most single Christian women have been duped into thinking, they are called to be single even though they want to get married.  Does that even make sense?  No, what's at work is Satan.  Satan has virtually destroyed the family structure in modern times.  Paul is very clear about this.  Jesus Himself stated in Matthew 19:11-12:

Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because *they were born that way*; others were *made that way by men*; and others have *renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven.* The one who can accept this should accept it."

If you don't fall into those three categories, you are supposed to be married.


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## TrustMeLove (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



Belle Du Jour said:


> Nope. These two statements are NOT the same thing.  Just because someone is single, doesn't mean that person is single by choice or desire.  And it *certainly *doesn't mean they weren't "called" too be married by God.  In other words, God has the best intentions for His children which for MOST (95% or more) people equals marriage.  But because of disobedience, many suffer the consequences (ie why so many Christian women lament being single).  Singleness was never God's will.  It's stated very clearly in the Bible that you should only be single if you have no desire to marry and can remain sexually pure.  Everyone else should get married.  I agree with you that not everyone will.  But not because they weren't suppose to.  It's because of sin.
> 
> Debbie Maken wrote a very good book on the subject (and Bunny 77 started a great thread here in the Christian forum talking about that book.)  Most single Christian women have been duped into thinking, they are called to be single even though they want to get married.  Does that even make sense?  No, what's at work is Satan.  Satan has virtually destroyed the family structure in modern times.  Again, Paul is very clear about this.  Jesus Himself stated in Matthew 19:11-12:
> 
> ...




Well, I'm confused ..Because I don't see how we are at odds with what we are saying. But, if you see that than ok.


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## honeyflaava (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



prettyfaceANB said:


> I wanted to added this...
> 
> This is not to say you can hide out and expect God to bring someone to your door. I believe you have to do your part. Prepare by becoming a virtuous woman, make sure you look your best as much as possible, and meet new people. *Put yourself in position, and let God take care of the rest*.




ITA with your post especially the bolded. I am a woman who takes Proverbs 18:22 to heart, "He who *finds* a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." I like to place emphasis on the word finds, because I believe that your husband will find you and pursue you. In order for him to find you, like *prettyfaceANB* said, you must put yourself in position to be found.  You do that by placing yourself into the will of God and fulfilling His purpose for your life. When you do that, everything else will fall into place.


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## Bunny77 (Apr 27, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



Belle Du Jour said:


> Nope. These two statements are NOT the same thing.  Just because someone is single, doesn't mean that person is single by choice or desire.  And it *certainly *doesn't mean they weren't "called" too be married by God.  In other words, God has the best intentions for His children which for MOST (95% or more) people equals marriage.  But because of disobedience, many suffer the consequences (ie why so many Christian women lament being single).  Singleness was never God's will.  It's stated very clearly in the Bible that you should only be single if you have no desire to marry and can remain sexually pure.  Everyone else should get married.  I agree with you that not everyone will get married, but NOT because they weren't suppose to.  It's because of sin and the current state of romantic relationships.
> 
> Debbie Maken wrote a very good book on the subject (and Bunny 77 started a great thread here in the Christian forum talking about that book.)  Most single Christian women have been duped into thinking, they are called to be single even though they want to get married.  Does that even make sense?  No, what's at work is Satan.  Satan has virtually destroyed the family structure in modern times.  Paul is very clear about this.  Jesus Himself stated in Matthew 19:11-12:
> 
> ...



Hey, thanks for the shoutout!  

Although this topic is about singleness/marriage, I do think that the thinking on this topic in Christian circles is similar to the general debate of free will versus predestination.

I find that in general, if we happen to be in a certain place in life, many of us will say, "Well, this must be God's will because I wouldn't be in this situation." But I think that type of thinking can be dangerous, because it doesn't allow for us to truly examine WHY those situations might exist. Is it a result of choices we made? Is it a result of us living in a sinful culture? Is this what God truly wants for us, or are we actually blocking His will through our actions or the actions of others.

If one is currently single, it shouldn't automatically be believe that singleness is God's will or God's current plan for that person. Unless that person was specifically told by God that he/she is to be single (for now, or permanently), then no human can make the judgment that singleness is God's will and that this person is where she's supposed to be right now.


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## Belle Du Jour (Apr 28, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



Bunny77 said:


> Hey, thanks for the shoutout!
> 
> Although this topic is about singleness/marriage, I do think that the thinking on this topic in Christian circles is similar to the general debate of free will versus predestination.
> 
> ...



That is what I was trying to say.


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## aribell (Apr 28, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*

I think that we should seek God's will in all things, but if "seeking God's will" ends up being looking for a sign, for a "word," or for a feeling, that opens us up to confusion and to mistaking God's voice for our own strong feelings.  The person that God wants you to marry is the person with whom you will fulfill the biblical picture of Christ loving the Church and with whom your spiritual gifts will bear much fruit, and with whom your love of Him and others increases.  He's already told us what His will is in this area, we just have to chose someone who is in line with that.  If He wants us to do something different or look at a particular person, He will definitely make that clear of His own accord without us having to be confused and seek after it.

I think in seeking God's will, the default mode should be to seek wisdom and righteousness and the principles laid out in the Bible, and then ask the Lord if there is something more for you to know, or some more specific path for you to walk that He would make that clear.  Otherwise, I believe He will bless whatever your choice is, so long as it is in line with His principles and done to His glory.


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## aribell (Apr 28, 2009)

*Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat*



Belle Du Jour said:


> Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because *they were born that way*; others were *made that way by men*; and others have *renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven.* The one who can accept this should accept it."
> 
> If you don't fall into those three categories, you are supposed to be married.


 
I'm familiar with Maken's book and appreciate her and other believers' efforts to bring more sensibility to Christians' thinking about marriage.  But, IDK, I'm not sure I believe that anyone in particular is "supposed" to be married.  Jesus said that some have "renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven," people like Paul.  But God didn't make Paul make that decision, he made it himself.  I believe marriage is a choice that every believer can choose to pursue or not to pursue.

I also think that marriage is just as much a societal institution as a religious one, and that Jesus' inauguration of the Kingdom of God broke the hold of all societal institutions and gives us freedom to choose to live in light of that Kingdom (and remain celibate).  I'm not trying to imply that Jesus implied that marriage was no longer God-ordained, just that I'm not sure that God's will for the social institution of marriage is the same for the New Israel as for the Old.

I'm not even sure what difference the distinction ultimately makes, other than that I don't know that it is God's will necessarily that people marry.  If people will serve Him better as a married person than not, then He would probably have them married.  But more than anything, I think people get married and seek marriage because that's what _they_ want, and we should own those decisions as ours.


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