# Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!



## Glib Gurl

I just stumbled upon the Single Christian Women's Support Thread and I clicked on the first page and then skimmed through the last page. And I was disturbed.

There seemed to be much hope and excitement in the first page . . . and much frustration and despair in the last page. (Again, I admit that I did not look through the intervening 40 pages so I'm sure that I missed lots of ups and downs that people have shared over the last three years of the thread.) But, as a single Christian woman myself, I was troubled that so many of us are frustrated in this walk.

A while back, I was talking with the Lord and He confirmed in my heart that it is very important for me to enjoy this journey (even as I remain unsure of the outcome ) While it certainly is a time to grow spiritually and nurture my relationship with Him, to spend time in the Word, to do service in the church and in the community, and so on it is also a time to enjoy the freedom of being unattached to a mate. (Also, and please don't stone me for this - I just don't want to see us end up succumbing to the ill-fated strategy of so many Christian single women of just toiling away faithfully for years in church basements while our youth passes us by...and we end up alone )

So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood? Also, for those of you who (like me) are desiring a husband and a family, how are you going about meeting potential husbands? While the club isn't the idea place to meet a suitable partner, unfortunately I'm finding that my church isn't either. (Virtually all of the adult men in my church are married and attend with their families.) So, I'm trying to get out more and just do more things that I enjoy doing (book clubs, lectures, comedy shows, etc.) ...and also trying to be "prepared" (looking my best at all times, smiling, being approachable, etc., etc.). I'm also doing some online dating....

I hope this sparks some good, supportive conversation!!

Tagging @bellatiamarie mscurly Divine. Phoenix14 Sosa PinkPebbles stephluv Brittster Rae81


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## Phoenix14

Glib Gurl said:


> So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood? Also, for those of you who (like me) are desiring a husband and a family, how are you going about meeting potential husbands? While the club isn't the idea place to meet a suitable partner, unfortunately I'm finding that my church isn't either. (Virtually all of the adult men in my church are married and attend with their families.) So, I'm trying to get out more and just do more things that I enjoy doing (book clubs, lectures, comedy shows, etc.) ...and also trying to be "prepared" (looking my best at all times, smiling, being approachable, etc., etc.). I'm also doing some online dating....
> 
> I hope this sparks some good, supportive conversation!!



I'm making an effort to be a better friend. I have the time to go above and beyond at work so I'm focusing on making my mark in my company. As far as meeting a suitable partner, I'm kind of lost there. I don't really go out anywhere so finding someone to date or be courted by is proving to be difficult. But truth be told, I'm not really looking. An old flame has recently re-entered my life after having his own rededication to Christ these past few months since we broke things off. I'm going about this totally differently this time. I've also let it be known to him that I want a God led and fearing relationship. Nothing is being done in the dark and I'm allowing my friends to meet him.

I still need to work on looking my best and remaining hopeful. I'm taking the time right now to focus on me and being the best spouse as I can be for whenever I meet my future husband.


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## LovingLady

Glib Gurl said:


> I just stumbled upon the Single Christian Women's Support Thread and I clicked on the first page and then skimmed through the last page. And I was disturbed.
> 
> A while back, I was talking with the Lord and *He confirmed in my heart that it is very important for me to enjoy this journey* (even as I remain unsure of the outcome ) While it certainly is a time to grow spiritually and nurture my relationship with Him, to spend time in the Word, to do service in the church and in the community, and so on it is also a time to enjoy the freedom of being unattached to a mate. (Also, and please don't stone me for this - I just don't want to see us end up succumbing to the ill-fated strategy of so many Christian single women of just toiling away faithfully for years in church basements while our youth passes us by...and we end up alone )
> 
> So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood? Also, for those of you who (like me) are desiring a husband and a family, how are you going about meeting potential husbands? While the club isn't the idea place to meet a suitable partner, unfortunately I'm finding that my church isn't either. (Virtually all of the adult men in my church are married and attend with their families.) So, I'm trying to get out more and just do more things that I enjoy doing (book clubs, lectures, comedy shows, etc.) ...and also trying to be "prepared" (looking my best at all times, smiling, being approachable, etc., etc.). I'm also doing some online dating....
> 
> I hope this sparks some good, supportive conversation!!



Great idea Glib Gurl, I love your spirit. 

As of right now I feel that I am not in a position to be dating anyone, because of that I really don't go out and socialize. Before I get to know someone I should know myself completely first.   

I am deep in the preparing stage. This thread > http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=702057 < is a good place to start. 

You are right it is important to enjoy this journey and the peace of being unattached to a man. The ways that I do this is by engaging in thing/activates/topics that make me happy and in turn I get to know myself better. I do for myself know what I would expect a man to do for me.


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## mscurly

Thanks for this Glib Gurl 

You're right about staying positive and enjoying the single life while you can. I had been doing that and doing real well then after 2 years it started to get frustrating. It's not easy to keep that up for years at a time. I'm just being real. 

But keeping positive females around me and support systems like this definitely help.


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## Divine.

Thanks for starting this thread! I actually had this moment too. It made me sad to see everyone so down and out about being single. Being single isn't a death sentence  Yes it's hard at times, but that is no reason to stop living our lives to the fullest. 

I have been embracing my singleness lately. Staying focused on my relationship with God makes me forget about my singleness most days. I'm trying to work on all the things that have prevented me from being content. I'm purposely secluding myself so I'm forced to deal with the emotions. 

I'm also trying to get my Proverbs 31 woman on. All last week I cooked and cleaned as I was doing it for my husband. I'm trying to make this a habit. 

I haven't met anyone new. I'm still sort of in contact with the last guy I talked to. Currently we're just friends. He respects my relationship with God and that's what matters to me most. I feel like you can meet guys by joining a bible study or singles ministry. But from love stories I have heard, most people have met through friends or at some church function (event, bible study, etc). 

Stay positive ladies! The wait will be worth it.


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## bellatiamarie

Thanks for tagging me @glib_gurl. Personally, I've had ups and downs as it relates to my singlehood and if we can all be perfectly honest with ourselves as single women with the desire of marriage being embedded in our hearts... We can admit to experiencing the "downs" of being single at some point or another... Am I down about being single all of the time? ABSOLUTELY not!!!! I actually enjoy being single overall and I know soon enough I will be married. I'm in preparation right now for my God ordained marriage, but some days I still feel like I don't think I want to share a bed with anyone   so, no, I'm not rushing the process 

I think for me, being in my 20s, and attending so many weddings, and hearing about so many engagements, baby showers, etc... It gets to be overwhelming and some doubt may even begin to creep in... I get lonely, sad, and even a tad bit envious... But after I rebuke the enemy for making me feel that way and realize that God is STILL and will FOREVER be on the throne... It's very easy for me to pick myself up, give God all the praise and continue on my journey to preparing myself to be the Proverbs 31 wife that God (and future husband) will be pleased with.  I'm still waiting on God to fulfill His promise to me and I believe that He will... As I said, I have my ups and downs; but I've realized for me, the closer I get to God, it becomes easier for me to wait and prepare for my God-lead marriage.  

As far as positioning myself to meet more men.... Personally, I've decided that I'd rather position myself in God's will.  He is able to do ALL things so I know He can write my love story and I've made the choice to allow him to do just that.  So, the short and long of that is.... I'll continue to look presentable, dress nice, look good, smile, work on myself, do things/go places i enjoy, and all that stuff but I'm not going out of my way to position myself to meet more men (i.e., going to places with the specific intent of meeting men, online dating, etc)... I've done it in the past and each.and.every.time has been a complete fail and even caused some setbacks in my spiritual growth!!! So, personally, I'm done looking for a man... To each his own.  I've realized God will only do what I allow Him to... He's able and clearly I'm not... So it's easier for me to leave it up to Him


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## TwoSnapsUp

joining thread...


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## sounbeweavable

I'm making the most of my singleness by getting closer to God. I'm also focusing on my education, friendships, and work. I do get lonely sometimes, but it passes more quickly than it used to.

In terms of meeting men, I'm not necessarily trying to meet anyone, so if a guy is in the cards for me at the moment, I'll meet him during one of my regular activities… most of which happen at church.

There is a guy who I'm interested in and who might possibly interested in me, but it's hard to tell and I'm not going to chase after him, so he'll have to make it more obvious.


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## Sosa

...but the desire of the righteous shall be granted. Proverbs 10:24b

I BELIEVE this verse is true! The clear and certain promise in this verse not only keeps me from being down about being unmarried but also keeps me from settling for someone I *know* I don't really desire.

God knows what I desire in a husband, I told Him. I know He has a good memory, so I feel like I don't have to cry and beg Him for a husband every day. When counterfeits show up...I remind Him (or myself really. Lol) that this is not what I want. And I will sometimes get a 'knowing' that dude isn't who God would want for me either. I can't stress over it..I already KNOW God's Word is true. In fact, I would have to re-program my mind to start worrying about being single. Being in the medical field I fight against knowing the optimal age for women to bear children, which is why I ask God to keep my body young inside and out . He did say ask(!)and it shall be given. I'm 30 btw.

In the meantime...I am exploring and enjoying life!!! I am getting to know more of God and His kingdom, my friends, my family members, my city, people at church, children etc. I'm talking to people more and getting out of my head (I am an introvert and can hermitize easily). I am working on perfecting my finances, I am dreaming BIG etc. 

There is SO much to do, so much more I can be, so many people to get to know more, so many kids I can reach out to and mentor or just take out for a treat... that would be difficult to accomplish if I were not single.  Add in the quiet time I need to spend with Jesus-just so I know more about how to live abundantly according to His will- and I like to spend whole days with Him. Tbh...my days and especially weekends are not long enough!!!! I don't have time to waste dwelling on the things I lack.

Anyhoo...I'll keep coming back to this thread and post more later. I didnt mean for this post to be so long. Thanks for tagging me @GlibGirl .

I mean...if I *know* the LORD is keeping me, what am I going to worry about?


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## AnjelLuvs

*joining thread, i have my bouts with this single journey, often times questioning self... I actually think I am at point where I want to step back, regroup/refocus and get re-aligned... firstly redeveloping my walk with the lord... I have stepped back tremendously from the church, although I still speak to him, right now it just feels in heart that not sufficing... so many outside entities that I escape to for reality withdrawal, this board being one... 

Currently in process of developing goals and signing up for reading plans, because the lord when the center of my thoughts is my strength... 

Thanks gilb for starting this... 

I really really needed to see it, as current events in life have me realizing that I a root cause, procrastination is never a good thing... I been "saying" I am going to start this process, start and then stop, now I want this to be a radical change as I been doing the same for so long and still in same space... Thanks for letting me share in this thread.*


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## sweetvi

very good thread!

I have been making an effort to read my bible more, staying in prayer and closing doors to those counterfeits I have been meeting lately.

My friend recently located near me and we have been making plans to go out more so that will definitely help me to leave the house ( movies, dinner, brunch, etc). I've noticed that whenever I do step outside of my home, majority of the time I do meet someone. I need to live my life but also keep God first.

My other goal is to attend weekly prayer services at church because I know prayer is a strong weapon for battle. I enjoy crying out to him, speaking to him, and praising and worshiping him. It is like releasing a mountain of stress off my soul and onto his lap! I feel refreshed and rejuvenated every time.

One thing I started to notice about us single women is that we walk around wondering not when we are getting married but if? We are in a state of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. We have to start proclaiming and speaking the word on our lives. Start acting as if our prayers has already been answered!


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## tlbaby23

I'm always wondering what God will do in my life relationship wise. Have I met my future husband already or have i yet to meet him? When will I meet him if I havent already, how will I meet him? So many questions! Lol and please tell me im not the only one! 

Its very hard for me because as a nursing student i dont go out, I always have my head in the books. Then when I do want to go out, I dont have many friends. During the summer I was questioning the loyalty of my friends and prayed to God about it and before I knew it, he removed so many people out of my life. So theres that frustration of when I am able to go out and meet different guys, im not going to go alone so I end up staying home.

As much as i try my best to be patient and let God work, there are those moments where you wonder: where, when, and how Lord so I can be prepared and look my best! Lol. Im going to try my best to stay positive, keep my mind focus on God, and eventually everything will fall in place. God does speak to me and he keeps telling me to be patient and focus on school so I know his Will for me at the moment. I also have a male friend that has the gift of prophecy (he is the real deal, ive tested him lol) and he said it will be a year from now  seems so far away, but if thats God will, then I will obey. Pray for me ladies!


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## LovingLady

sweetvi said:


> very good thread!
> 
> Start acting as if our prayers has already been answered!



Would this also be the same thing as "walking in confidence"?


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## LovingLady

tlbaby23 said:


> I'm always wondering what God will do in my life relationship wise. Have I met my future husband already or have i yet to meet him? When will I meet him if I havent already, how will I meet him? So many questions! *Lol and please tell me im not the only one! *
> 
> Its very hard for me because as a nursing student i dont go out, I always have my head in the books. Then when I do want to go out, I dont have many friends. During the summer I was questioning the loyalty of my friends and prayed to God about it and before I knew it, he removed so many people out of my life.* So theres that frustration of when I am able to go out and meet different guys, im not going to go alone so I end up staying home.*
> 
> As much as i try my best to be patient and let God work, there are those moments where you wonder: where, when, and how Lord so I can be prepared and look my best! Lol. Im going to try my best to stay positive, keep my mind focus on God, and eventually everything will fall in place. God does speak to me and he keeps telling me to be patient and focus on school so I know his Will for me at the moment.* I also have a male friend that has the gift of prophecy (he is the real deal, ive tested him lol) and he said it will be a year from now  seems so far away, but if thats God will, then I will obey. Pray for me ladies!*



First bold: You are not the only one. 

Second bold: I would highly recommend that you go out alone. The experience will give you more confidence, teach you self reliance, and you can improve on your communication skills by talking to new people and empathizing with them. The best people in medicine are the ones that can get down to your level and make you feel comfortable. It will be awkward at first but it will get better when you find your own rhythm. Guys are also know for not approaching women when they are in groups, you want to be alone. 

Last bold: Don't sit idle, make sure you are preparing yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.


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## Divine.

http://www.devotionaldiva.com/2013/10/discontent-with-singleness/

This was a really good read! My favorite part: "It’s okay to be discontent through singleness, but it’s not okay to let that discontentedness rob us of our very lives."


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## LovingLady

@Divine.

That was a great article that you for sharing.

My favorite line is: "It’s okay to struggle through singleness, but it’s not okay to stop living life because of it."


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## sounbeweavable

That's a great article. Sometimes I feel like people look down on or disapprove of my desire to be married, but it's a natural desire/longing. I'm at a place where my desire for a husband isn't the center of my universe, but it's definitely still there.


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## JaneBond007

tlbaby23 said:


> \ I also have a male friend that has the gift of prophecy (he is the real deal, ive tested him lol) and he said it will be a year from now  seems so far away, but if thats God will, then I will obey. Pray for me ladies!




Does he take requests?


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## sounbeweavable

JaneBond007 said:


> Does he take requests?



My thoughts exactly lol


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## Phoenix14

I've met someone who is expressing interest and we've known each other about a year. Last night I told him very frankly, that as I am coming to care for him, if I feel that he is not who God has ordained for me I will easily turn around and walk away from him. My first love is and always will be God.


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## tlbaby23

LovingLady said:


> First bold: You are not the only one.
> 
> Second bold: *I would highly recommend that you go out alone*. The experience will give you more confidence, teach you self reliance, and you can improve on your communication skills by talking to new people and empathizing with them. The best people in medicine are the ones that can get down to your level and make you feel comfortable. It will be awkward at first but it will get better when you find your own rhythm. *Guys are also know for not approaching women when they are in groups, you want to be alone*.
> 
> Last bold: Don't sit idle, make sure you are preparing yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.


 
Im going to give going out alone a try! I have planned this week to take myself on a movie date then a little bit of shopping. 
And Ive heard that before too! Lets see if its true!


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## Phoenix14

Following up to say, I'm supposed to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. Apparently I'm the first woman he's brought home. I would like my friends and family to meet him because I'm wary of being clouded by my attraction to him. Only thing is, my family lives across the country. We'll see. I told him that if they don't approve, I'll also say goodbye. These people have prayed and stood in the gap for me and my love life so of course I trust them.


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## tlbaby23

Phoenix14 said:


> Following up to say, I'm supposed to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. Apparently I'm the first woman he's brought home. *I would like my friends and family to meet him because I'm wary of being clouded by my attraction to him*. Only thing is, my family lives across the country. We'll see. I told him that if they don't approve, I'll also say goodbye. These people have prayed and stood in the gap for me and my love life so of course I trust them.




That is so important! Ive been in relationship in the past where if i'd just listen to my father I would have saved myself from drama! Its crazy how much your judgement can get so clouded by your feelings


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## Phoenix14

tlbaby23 said:


> That is so important! Ive been in relationship in the past where if i'd just listen to my father I would have saved myself from drama! Its crazy how much your judgement can get so clouded by your feelings



I know! This is going to be a big deal for me because I usually prefer to keep all areas of my life separate but I know this is important. 

Ladies, how do you recognize the voice of God when it comes to choosing your mate?


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## Divine.

Phoenix14 said:


> I know! This is going to be a big deal for me because I usually prefer to keep all areas of my life separate but I know this is important.  Ladies, how do you recognize the voice of God when it comes to choosing your mate?



I always think back on the "list" I created. For me personally, my future mate needs to be a leader, know how to pray, and understands my relationship with God. 

I find that God always reminds me of those three important things when I get ahead of myself in fantasy land. Would God's best for me be a man that can't lead a family? A man who can't pray for my well being? A man that I have to dumb down my relationship with God for? I don't think so. 

I think it is okay to see the potential in a man but I wouldn't pursue anything officially until he has reached it. I am learning that now. If I don't feel like the man I'm talking to can lead me as a husband then that is a huge red flag God sends to me.


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## Ms Red

Joining the thread...

@glib_gurl I'm glad you infused something new into the thread. I've been lurking. I agree with bellatiamarie and you as well. God laid Isaiah 55:8-9 on my heart recently regarding my desire for marriage and children. I know that I was not ready to enter the role of a wife years ago. I believe that I have only recently learned what it truly means to be the kind of spouse God intends. So I thank God that I've come to this realization prior to being married. I have put it all in His hands, totally. I am readying myself as always but He is in charge. 





bellatiamarie said:


> Thanks for tagging me @glib_gurl. Personally, I've had ups and downs as it relates to my singlehood and if we can all be perfectly honest with ourselves as single women with the desire of marriage being embedded in our hearts... We can admit to experiencing the "downs" of being single at some point or another... Am I down about being single all of the time? ABSOLUTELY not!!!! I actually enjoy being single overall and I know soon enough I will be married. I'm in preparation right now for my God ordained marriage, but some days I still feel like I don't think I want to share a bed with anyone   so, no, I'm not rushing the process
> 
> I think for me, being in my 20s, and attending so many weddings, and hearing about so many engagements, baby showers, etc... It gets to be overwhelming and some doubt may even begin to creep in... I get lonely, sad, and even a tad bit envious... But after I rebuke the enemy for making me feel that way and realize that God is STILL and will FOREVER be on the throne... It's very easy for me to pick myself up, give God all the praise and continue on my journey to preparing myself to be the Proverbs 31 wife that God (and future husband) will be pleased with.  I'm still waiting on God to fulfill His promise to me and I believe that He will... As I said, I have my ups and downs; but I've realized for me, the closer I get to God, it becomes easier for me to wait and prepare for my God-lead marriage.
> 
> As far as positioning myself to meet more men.... Personally, I've decided that I'd rather position myself in God's will.  He is able to do ALL things so I know He can write my love story and I've made the choice to allow him to do just that.  So, the short and long of that is.... I'll continue to look presentable, dress nice, look good, smile, work on myself, do things/go places i enjoy, and all that stuff but I'm not going out of my way to position myself to meet more men (i.e., going to places with the specific intent of meeting men, online dating, etc)... I've done it in the past and each.and.every.time has been a complete fail and even caused some setbacks in my spiritual growth!!! So, personally, I'm done looking for a man... To each his own.  I've realized God will only do what I allow Him to... He's able and clearly I'm not... So it's easier for me to leave it up to Him


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## nlamr2013

So this is the new thread? Ok! 
I have been out here frauding. Ive been single but not living like a single Godly woman. I've just been floating along. And lusting after other peoples relationships even the ones I KNOW are toxic.  
I think really I'm just bored and broke lol 
I havent really made any friends since being here in august and havent found a job yet, so no one to just hang with and no  misc money to go and do things by myself. 
I need to set up a few dates with Jesus.


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## felic1

nadaa16...do you have a nice church home?


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## bellatiamarie

nadaa16 said:


> So this is the new thread? Ok!
> I have been out here frauding. Ive been single but not living like a single Godly woman. I've just been floating along. And lusting after other peoples relationships even the ones I KNOW are toxic.
> I think really I'm just bored and broke lol
> I havent really made any friends since being here in august and havent found a job yet, so no one to just hang with and no  misc money to go and do things by myself.
> I need to set up a few dates with Jesus.



Don't just set up a few dates with Him... Commit to a lifelong, forever-more, lasting, trusting relationship with Him! Do this, and watch your situation change for the better.

I agree with the poster above me... Go to church... It's free! visit different churches until you find one that your soul is excited by.


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## Maracujá

Glib Gurl said:


> So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood?



I immerse myself in The Word on a daily basis, I've also bought a notebook to take notes of sermons by pastors who preach The Gospel. At first I was like: what's the point of studying about marriage? What if I never get married? But I liked what Voddie Baucham Jr. said: single Christian women and married Christian women shouldn't live all that differently from one another, chastity should be the main goal for all Christian women. I also try to attend church on a regular basis, been doing so for the past three years or so and I truly enjoy it, it's like rebirth every sunday. 

I've been living alone for nearly 5 years now and it has taught me so much on so many levels; I now know how to cook up to 4 different dishes from scratch, not just edible ones but finger licking ones HA! I'm working on decorating my place and it helps that I work in a home furnishing store . I take care of my mental and physical health, earlier this year I took swimming and biking lessons, planning to take them again in the summer next year. Although I'm an introvert, I no longer see it as a disadvantage, I just do what works for me. I do very well in one-on-one settings, extremely well even, I just need to channel that to group settings, it's a challenge I'm willing to take up. 

As far as formal education goes, it hasn't been easy, but if all goes well I will graduate with my MA degree in African Studies next summer. After that I plan to take Portuguese lessons at the same college to improve my proficiency and writing skills in that language. As far as personal development goes, I found a site earlier this year for women who wish to become more eloquent in their speech and it really sparked my interest, I think I'll also take some online classes from them. I try to find single Christian role models as much as I can, so far there's Nancy Leigh Demoss and another Black American lady who happens to be a preacher whose name I've forgotten. They give me hope, often times we think that a life without a husband and children is devoid of laughter or joy, but when I saw them I was like: wow, they've been single their whole life and they don't look miserable, they're well put together. I also want to read and see the movie of the Delany sisters, who were both unmarried well into their 100ths. 

As Demoss said: You may be single for a lifetime, but you will not be single for forever. Puts things into perspective .


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## nlamr2013

felic1 said:


> nadaa16...do you have a nice church home?



Not yet., although I hate to admit I havent been trying my hardest.


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## AnjelLuvs

felic1 said:


> nadaa16...do you have a nice church home?


*What are people's feelings on being at home and checking in online? *


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## Reminiscing

Hi fellow single ladies!

I'm writing today with a very JOYOUS heart!  Not because I'm finally in a relationship, but because I got my heart broken... again.  Lol!.  I know it's an odd thing to laugh about but I'm soooo thankful to God that I'm laughing and not crying.  Don't get me wrong, I did shed some tears but the tears didn't last long and what I heard God whisper in my ear was "You didn't fall this time. You just tripped and I held your hand the whole time."

Ladies, I'll spare you the details of the heartbreak but I'll share this with you.... Every time I tell my mom that I don't want to get hurt again she tells me "In order to fall in love, you have to be willing to get hurt."  It never used to make sense to me because who wants to associate love with hurt and pain?? But the truth is that love is risky. There will be ups and downs and no matter how great and how godly the man that God has for us is, there will still be some disappointment and some hurt at some point in the relationship and along the road to meeting him there will definitely be some hurt and pain.  

I'm smiling today because God showed me that I don't have to be afraid of getting hurt again.  The closer I get to God, the less of a sting I feel from the situations that do not work out.  As a matter of fact, I can't even say this was a case of my heart getting broken.  My heart was just bruised this time, but guess what? It took a lickin' and it keeps on tickin!  Lol!

Ladies, I feel very encouraged.  God has been talking to me so much.  He's leading me towards expanding my professional circle and meeting new people in my industry so I'm signing up for some workshops and plan to attend them on my own.  Who knows, maybe my future husband will be at one of these workshops.  I claim it right now in the name of JESUS!   

Oh and let me share a crazy story with you.... Tell me why I ran into my ex-boyfriend, the atheist, at church yesterday.  I mean who runs into an ATHEIST at CHURCH???? Annnndd, he was with his new girlfriend.  Man, I tell you the enemy was working hard to steal my joy yesterday.  A few weeks ago it would've made me cry but yesterday it made me laugh.  I'm so thankful God allowed me to find the humor in it.  I just chuckled at the irony and went right back to praising God.  Can't no one tell me I didn't get my praise on yesterday.  

Be blessed ladies!


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## bellatiamarie

Maracujá said:


> I immerse myself in The Word on a daily basis, I've also bought a notebook to take notes of sermons by pastors who preach The Gospel. At first I was like: what's the point of studying about marriage? What if I never get married? But I liked what Voddie Baucham Jr. said: single Christian women and married Christian women shouldn't live all that differently from one another, chastity should be the main goal for all Christian women. I also try to attend church on a regular basis, been doing so for the past three years or so and I truly enjoy it, it's like rebirth every sunday.
> 
> I've been living alone for nearly 5 years now and it has taught me so much on so many levels; I now know how to cook up to 4 different dishes from scratch, not just edible ones but finger licking ones HA! I'm working on decorating my place and it helps that I work in a home furnishing store . I take care of my mental and physical health, earlier this year I took swimming and biking lessons, planning to take them again in the summer next year. Although I'm an introvert, I no longer see it as a disadvantage, I just do what works for me. I do very well in one-on-one settings, extremely well even, I just need to channel that to group settings, it's a challenge I'm willing to take up.
> 
> As far as formal education goes, it hasn't been easy, but if all goes well I will graduate with my MA degree in African Studies next summer. After that I plan to take Portuguese lessons at the same college to improve my proficiency and writing skills in that language. As far as personal development goes, I found a site earlier this year for women who wish to become more eloquent in their speech and it really sparked my interest, I think I'll also take some online classes from them.



What site have you been using to help with speech?


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## Maracujá

bellatiamarie said:


> What site have you been using to help with speech?



bellatiamarie: this is the site but I've only skimmed through it to be honest due to lack of time --> http://eloquentwoman.blogspot.be/; as soon as I'll have more time I'll thoroughly review it and hopefully make use of it.


----------



## sweetvi

Reminiscing said:


> Hi fellow single ladies!
> 
> I'm writing today with a very JOYOUS heart! Not because I'm finally in a relationship, but because I got my heart broken... again. Lol!. I know it's an odd thing to laugh about but I'm soooo thankful to God that I'm laughing and not crying. Don't get me wrong, I did shed some tears but the tears didn't last long and what I heard God whisper in my ear was *"You didn't fall this time. You just tripped and I held your hand the whole time."*
> 
> Ladies, I'll spare you the details of the heartbreak but I'll share this with you.... Every time I tell my mom that I don't want to get hurt again she tells me *"In order to fall in love, you have to be willing to get hurt*." It never used to make sense to me because who wants to associate love with hurt and pain?? But the truth is that love is risky. There will be ups and downs and no matter how great and how godly the man that God has for us is, there will still be some disappointment and some hurt at some point in the relationship and along the road to meeting him there will definitely be some hurt and pain.
> 
> I'm smiling today because God showed me that I don't have to be afraid of getting hurt again. The closer I get to God, the less of a sting I feel from the situations that do not work out. As a matter of fact, I can't even say this was a case of my heart getting broken. My heart was just bruised this time, but guess what? It took a lickin' and it keeps on tickin! Lol!
> 
> Ladies, I feel very encouraged. God has been talking to me so much. He's leading me towards expanding my professional circle and meeting new people in my industry so I'm signing up for some workshops and plan to attend them on my own. Who knows, maybe my future husband will be at one of these workshops.  I claim it right now in the name of JESUS!
> 
> Oh and let me share a crazy story with you.... Tell me why I ran into my ex-boyfriend, the atheist, at church yesterday. I mean who runs into an ATHEIST at CHURCH???? Annnndd, he was with his new girlfriend. Man, I tell you the enemy was working hard to steal my joy yesterday. A few weeks ago it would've made me cry but yesterday it made me laugh. I'm so thankful God allowed me to find the humor in it. I just chuckled at the irony and went right back to praising God. Can't no one tell me I didn't get my praise on yesterday.
> 
> Be blessed ladies!


 

POWERFUL!!!!


----------



## tlbaby23

Reminiscing said:


> Hi fellow single ladies!  I'm writing today with a very JOYOUS heart!  Not because I'm finally in a relationship, but because I got my heart broken... again.  Lol!.  I know it's an odd thing to laugh about but I'm soooo thankful to God that I'm laughing and not crying.  Don't get me wrong, I did shed some tears but the tears didn't last long and what I heard God whisper in my ear was "You didn't fall this time. You just tripped and I held your hand the whole time."  Ladies, I'll spare you the details of the heartbreak but I'll share this with you.... Every time I tell my mom that I don't want to get hurt again she tells me "In order to fall in love, you have to be willing to get hurt."  It never used to make sense to me because who wants to associate love with hurt and pain?? But the truth is that love is risky. There will be ups and downs and no matter how great and how godly the man that God has for us is, there will still be some disappointment and some hurt at some point in the relationship and along the road to meeting him there will definitely be some hurt and pain.  I'm smiling today because God showed me that I don't have to be afraid of getting hurt again.  The closer I get to God, the less of a sting I feel from the situations that do not work out.  As a matter of fact, I can't even say this was a case of my heart getting broken.  My heart was just bruised this time, but guess what? It took a lickin' and it keeps on tickin!  Lol!  Ladies, I feel very encouraged.  God has been talking to me so much.  He's leading me towards expanding my professional circle and meeting new people in my industry so I'm signing up for some workshops and plan to attend them on my own.  Who knows, maybe my future husband will be at one of these workshops.  I claim it right now in the name of JESUS!    Oh and let me share a crazy story with you.... Tell me why I ran into my ex-boyfriend, the atheist, at church yesterday.  I mean who runs into an ATHEIST at CHURCH???? Annnndd, he was with his new girlfriend.  Man, I tell you the enemy was working hard to steal my joy yesterday.  A few weeks ago it would've made me cry but yesterday it made me laugh.  I'm so thankful God allowed me to find the humor in it.  I just chuckled at the irony and went right back to praising God.  Can't no one tell me I didn't get my praise on yesterday.    Be blessed ladies!


. 

Wow was is an amazing testimony. Thank you for sharing!


----------



## sounbeweavable

It's crazy how the devil will use your friends against you. One of my friends from church was being really insensitive and giving me bad, unwise advice today that really upset me and pissed me off. I talked to three separate women with very mature faiths and they made me see that I was right to feel off about that advice because it wasn't healthy and was the devil feeding me lies. I wasn't very nice in my reaction and I apologized, but I know I can't really go to this person for insight anymore because she doesn't have the wisdom or maturity to provide meaningful, godly advice. 

It's rough out there for young Christian women. *shudders*


----------



## Phoenix14

sounbeweavable said:


> It's crazy how the devil will use your friends against you. One of my friends from church was being really insensitive and giving me bad, unwise advice today that really upset me and pissed me off. I talked to three separate women with very mature faiths and they made me see that I was right to feel off about that advice because it wasn't healthy and was the devil feeding me lies. I wasn't very nice in my reaction and I apologized, but I know I can't really go to this person for insight anymore because she doesn't have the wisdom or maturity to provide meaningful, godly advice.
> 
> It's rough out there for young Christian women. *shudders*




Very timely. I recently got feedback from a friend yesterday about this guy I'm talking to and it seemed...a little more negative than usual. I woke up this morning reading 1 Corinthians and I just started praying that God give ME the power of discernment. Not only when it comes to this man and our relationship but also with friends and how much I share with them and their advice.


----------



## sounbeweavable

Phoenix14 said:


> Very timely. I recently got feedback from a friend yesterday about this guy I'm talking to and it seemed...a little more negative than usual. I woke up this morning reading 1 Corinthians and I just started praying that God give ME the power of discernment. Not only when it comes to this man and our relationship but also with friends and how much I share with them and their advice.



I wound up mentally checking her advice against biblical truths and it did not match up at all  it was also just plain ignorant. I wound up telling her that she wasn't the right person for me to take advice from because we're at very different places and maturities.


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## Maracujá

It's a post from Gary Thomas' blog on marriage. The title put me off at first but I'm glad I read through the end.



> The Art of Making Yourself More Marriageable
> 
> 
> 
> When talking to a group of singles, one woman took offense when I said that part of our response to the Bible’s affirmation of pursuing marriage (Prov. 31:10) is to work on making ourselves more “marriageable.” That might mean getting in shape, getting out of debt, growing deeper in the Lord, improving relational skills, etc.
> 
> 
> She took offense to the “getting in shape” comment. In a strongly worded retort she suggested, “Why not ask a man to change his shallow expectations, instead of making a woman change her shape?” Now, please notice I didn’t tell women to change their shape. I said, to both genders, maybe you need to get in shape. If someone has read my book Every Body Matters, they know I believe there is a distinct difference in having a certain shape and being in shape.
> 
> 
> But we have to be careful about adopting any attitude that if someone doesn’t marry us for whatever reason, they’re simply “shallow.” That notion will not help you find someone to marry.
> 
> 
> Nobody “owes” it to us to marry us.
> 
> 
> The commitment of marriage is so extensive and so long lasting, that I should be in awe anyone would even consider it; what a gift that my wife has made that choice. But I neither deserved it, nor did she ever owe it to me. I couldn’t be resentful of anyone who said, “No, I think I’ll pass on Gary.” Instead of thinking “why won’t someone marry me,” my attitude is rather that I can think of a hundred reasons why somebody wouldn’t want to marry me, and am amazed that one woman found a reason to say yes.
> 
> 
> My concern is that if you have a resentful attitude that any man or woman  should be interested in you just because you want them to be, because they somehow owe it to you, you might also become a spouse with equally high expectations: “Now that he’s my husband (or she’s my wife), he should do x and y and z…”
> 
> 
> Marriage is about learning to love, learning to give. It is served by a shared humility. Wanting to grow into a more mature, godly, and attractive (in all ways) partner is a gift we can give to our future or current spouses.
> 
> 
> You can rail at all men or all women for not choosing to marry you; or you can focus on growing in all areas of who you are: your love, your service, your friendship.
> 
> 
> In order to love certain spouses, you might have to grow in your ability to love them according to their specific needs, and the same is true with kids. Some kids will require you to develop patience, some to take an interest in science or dancing or watch soccer games. If we have a disabled child and say, “We know nothing about how to care for that child; that child will have to love us just as we are, even if we don’t learn how to properly care for him,” well, that would be a rather sad statement, wouldn’t it? If you have a disabled child, you have to learn how to care for that child, regardless of where you are at now.
> 
> 
> I guess what I’m saying is this: If you’re not willing to grow, if you don’t think you need to grow, if your attitude is that someone owes it to you to marry them because you want to be married, you’re setting yourself up for a very frustrating life—especially after you get married. It’s also, I believe, an unbiblical life. When Jesus tells me that I should be continually seeking righteousness (Matthew 6:33) and Peter tells me to make every effort to add godly qualities to my faith (2 Peter 1:5-6), I’m not offended, I’m inspired, because I know I’m not perfect, and these are words of love to remind me that God wants to keep taking me to newer and higher places.
> 
> 
> The desire to marry should motivate you to become a more complete person, and that’s a good thing.
> 
> 
> Even if you never do get married, the pursuit will have served a good purpose—hopefully, you’ll be more mature, more loving, less selfish, more like Christ. But if the pursuit simply makes you bitter and resentful, well, that doesn’t help anyone, and it certainly won’t draw anyone healthy toward you.
> 
> 
> Fortunately, I don’t believe the woman who challenged my talk was either bitter or resentful—she just heard something I didn’t intend to say, and that likely faults me as a communicator more than it does her as a listener. But I know this attitude is out there, and I want to call it out, even at the risk of making even more people frustrated with me. Instead of asking, “why won’t somebody marry me?” I suggest asking, “how can I make myself more marriageable?”


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracuja girl you are beautiful!  I love your hair


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## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour: Awww you just made a black woman blush  means a lot coming from you, thank you very much!


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## felic1

This thread has a lot of good information in it.


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## Divine.

I saw this fine brotha on parking team this morning at church. I literally almost stumbled walking into the door  I have seen him before but today I almost didn't recognize him. He happens to also be in my bible study group. Please Lord, let him be the one! Let him be my Isaac 

I'm joking and serious at the same time lol I don't even know his name, but a sista can hope! I guess this is what singleness does to you. You get excited over a good morning from a handsome man


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## Phoenix14

Divine. said:


> I saw this fine brotha on parking team this morning at church. I literally almost stumbled walking into the door  I have seen him before but today I almost didn't recognize him. He happens to also be in my bible study group. Please Lord, let him be the one! Let him be my Isaac
> 
> I'm joking and serious at the same time lol I don't even know his name, but a sista can hope! I guess this is what singleness does to you. You get excited over a good morning from a handsome man



lol didn't it just make your day? Btw, you look stunning in your avi!


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## felic1

This is the singles area. I need to say something without starting a thread. I am single and not working a lot because I left better employment to take care of my Mom and Dad at home. I started doing some home care cases as a nurse. Just two cases to start out with. I have a lot of  bills and need money. Sometimes when we need money we make the wrong decisions. I was told that there was a part time clinic assignment with hours available. I inquired about the opening and had a short interview. Mind you, I believe that I need money bad. The opening was for a nurse to work in an abortion clinic. I turned it down. If someone believes that they need an abortion, I have empathy. I do not want to participate. I am receiving unemployment. I cannot go on that type of assignment. If my water is cut off, oh well. If the lights could not stay on, shrug. God will make other provisions. And I am a single wanting a spouse to find me. Thank you for reading and listening!


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## Divine.

Phoenix14 it really did lol and thank you!


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## bellatiamarie

Hello Ladies!! Happy Thanksgiving!! 

I wanted to share my devotional for today with you girls:

Wednesday, November 27th
*"God... will not... leave you without support." Heb. 13:5 AMP*

Living Single

Colleen Alden writes: "I'm single... The kind of companionship I ache for... I don't have. This feeling drives me to seek God... Why am I single when I long to love and be loved?... Though it's pointless to use our limited understanding to critique God's plans, it's helpful to catch glimpses of what He's creating in me: _Courage:_ to go home every night to someone who believes in me might make facing the scary parts of life easier... Singleness forces me to lean on God... to face an uncertain future without fear. Psalm 27:1 NIV says, 'The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?' He's my protector, provider and Savior whether I've a husband or not. _Faith:_ Paul says, 'Be satisfied with your present circumstances... God... will not... leave you without support.' Do I believe He knows best even when it hurts and I don't understand? When we've tasted loneliness past what we think we can bear... cry out to Jesus. He's 'close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit' (Ps 34:18 NIV). He knows what it is to long for something... He's longed for the affection of his loved ones for centuries. _Authenticity:_ once in a while a man sparks my interest... Then a funny thing happens. The more interested I become, the more I become someone else... The old fears kick in. Am I pretty enough? Thin enough? Charming and talkative enough? God made me who I am, and years of being single have allowed me to learn who this woman is... I'd rather be single than be with someone who wants me to be someone else."


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## Belle Du Jour

felic1 said:


> This is the singles area. I need to say something without starting a thread. I am single and not working a lot because I left better employment to take care of my Mom and Dad at home. I started doing some home care cases as a nurse. Just two cases to start out with. I have a lot of  bills and need money. Sometimes when we need money we make the wrong decisions. I was told that there was a part time clinic assignment with hours available. I inquired about the opening and had a short interview. Mind you, I believe that I need money bad. *The opening was for a nurse to work in an abortion clinic. I turned it down. If someone believes that they need an abortion, I have empathy. I do not want to participate. *I am receiving unemployment. I cannot go on that type of assignment. If my water is cut off, oh well. If the lights could not stay on, shrug. God will make other provisions. And I am a single wanting a spouse to find me. Thank you for reading and listening!



May God richly bless you for not participating in this industry of death.  He has great plans for you and will reward your faithfulness


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## stephluv

bellatiamarie Thankyou I really needed to see that I've been really feeling down and just ver this Thanksgiving break Yes these last 2 days I've seen 4 Facebook engagements lol I was only on the site for 15min Ggggggeeeezzz but it's like wow what's wrong with me smh 

felic1 What I great act of faith icomend you for your decisions I cant wait to hear your testimony for being obedient


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## Divine.

I totally forgot to post in here when I was going through it on Thursday. It was a rough day. Around this time last year I thought I met the man  of my dreams. All I could think about on Thursday was how so much had changed in a year. You couldn't have convinced me that things would've taken a turn like this back then.

But despite all of that hurt, God gave me a reason to be thankful. I'm thankful that I can now see the situation for what it is. I wasn't appreciated and God has better for me. I'm thankful for finally making it pass this mountain. I'm thankful that God has shown me His faithfulness every step of the way. 

I still have to keep pressing.


----------



## stephluv

Ladies we need a prayer line just so we can raise our voices and fellowship Even if it's monthly or right before the holidays as I'm sure we all feel a ill singles twinge around Christmas, new years and that "single awareness" day called valentines day 

I was on a prayer line earlier today for a young mime dance troupe and to hear theses young ladies pray for each other was very encouraging


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

How does God play into helping us meet our mates? Do you think he orchestrates the chance meetings? I'm so confused on this. Sometimes I think God helps future mates cross paths or uses a mutual party to introduce them but other times I think does God have time to play Cupid? There is so much more going on in the world does he have time to hear the hearts of those wanting a mate to spend their lives with. Sometimes I reflect on my life trying to think did I ever meet someone who could have been a great husband? If so why didn't God help me instead of me screwing things up on my own. I'm just confused and hurt. I really don't get why I'm in my 30s and still not married.


----------



## Nice Lady

Kinkyhairlady said:


> How does God play into helping us meet our mates? Do you think he orchestrates the chance meetings? I'm so confused on this. Sometimes I think God helps future mates cross paths or uses a mutual party to introduce them but other times I think does God have time to play Cupid? There is so much more going on in the world does he have time to hear the hearts of those wanting a mate to spend their lives with. Sometimes I reflect on my life trying to think did I ever meet someone who could have been a great husband? If so why didn't God help me instead of me screwing things up on my own. I'm just confused and hurt. I really don't get why I'm in my 30s and still not married.



Reading this tugged at my heart strings because I understand the unimaginable pain and confusion that you are feeling right now. There's no experience ever wasted if you learn the lesson. Everyone sent into our lives teaches us a lesson--good or bad. Keep believing God for a husband and stop dwelling on the past. The past will prevent you from seeing what's around you. Also, watch your speech and don't engage those lies that you will never meet someone. We can speak things into existence: "IAM...going to meet the mate that I am praying for." I AM confessions are filled with POWER. Speak it everyday. It will come to past.

I am watching and praying for you from now on...


----------



## Leigh

Kinkyhairlady said:


> How does God play into helping us meet our mates? Do you think he orchestrates the chance meetings? I'm so confused on this. Sometimes I think God helps future mates cross paths or uses a mutual party to introduce them but other times I think does God have time to play Cupid? There is so much more going on in the world does he have time to hear the hearts of those wanting a mate to spend their lives with. Sometimes I reflect on my life trying to think did I ever meet someone who could have been a great husband? If so why didn't God help me instead of me screwing things up on my own. I'm just confused and hurt. I really don't get why I'm in my 30s and still not married.


   God has time. There is no way to explain how he puts two people together. He does it perfectly. Try doing something for a couple of weeks. Erase all doubt from your mind and believe. Ask God for exactly what you want and have faith and expectation that He will deliver. I've heard people say, I waited 15 years to marry but they are only 32. So that no example for some. People have been waiting 20 years with no mate in sight. With faith, all will have.


----------



## metro_qt

Kinkyhairlady said:


> How does God play into helping us meet our mates? Do you think he orchestrates the chance meetings? I'm so confused on this. Sometimes I think God helps future mates cross paths or uses a mutual party to introduce them but other times I think does God have time to play Cupid? There is so much more going on in the world does he have time to hear the hearts of those wanting a mate to spend their lives with. Sometimes I reflect on my life trying to think did I ever meet someone who could have been a great husband? If so why didn't God help me instead of me screwing things up on my own. I'm just confused and hurt. I really don't get why I'm in my 30s and still not married.



Luke 12:7
 7"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows

If God knows every hair on your head, he knows all of your thoughts and wants.

From what I understand, people are constantly placed in your path that are potentially the one for you.

They are flawed, you are flawed, it's up to you both to make it work or not...(free will)


----------



## kinky curlygenie

Good thread OP. You know what for a while I was a lil frustrated seeing everyone partner off, engaged and planning to get married but then I looked a lil more closely at the relationship and decided that idefinitely shouldn't be jealous of anybody else's relationship because God has a plan for me and my ate will be made especially for me.

I actually really have been enjoying being single lately even though some peopl do think its a bit lonely this time of year. I'm in my element having the family around and just doing things spontaneously,which some of my girls can't do. A lot of my girlfriends partners do not like them going out so I'm a little glad I don't have to deal with drama each time I want to step outside my house. Ladies enjoy it while you can


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

metro_qt said:


> Luke 12:7 7"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows  If God knows every hair on your head, he knows all of your thoughts and wants.  From what I understand, people are constantly placed in your path that are potentially the one for you.  They are flawed, you are flawed, it's up to you both to make it work or not...(free will)



See I don't see it like I am flawed and they are flawed and it's up to me to make the decision. I feel if a man has so much flaws/baggage and it just brings stress and pain to you then it's not what God wanted. I've posted in the relationship forum about some crazy men I've dealt with and I wonder was I suppose to try to make this work. One was in a foreign country and ended up marrying someone else in the states because I never traveled to meet him. By the time I was ready he had moved on. The other has major personify issues where he was controlling and is only here on a visa. My ex was a big time player and the others were just not serious. I don't understand how any of these men could have been my husband. I ask myself would I be happy? Was this my fault? Love should not suffer or cause pain that is what I tell myself. The man God has for me if he has one will be everything I want in a man. He may be flawed but those flaws won't be major issues in our relationship.  My biggest regret is the foreign guy cause he was Christian, intelligent, handsome and out families are very close. I screwed up royally by dating a bunch of losers here and he thought I was not serious and I was afraid to travel to his country. Every day I think about it and tears come to my eyes. I pray God to help me get over it or at least see that I did not lose anything cause mentally this is tormenting me.


----------



## Reminiscing

The Lord placed this prayer on my heart today...

Almighty God,

I come before you lifting the single women of this forum.  Every time I think of single Christian women, the word "strength" pops into my spirit.  Lord, as we move forward into the holiday season, a time that singleness can be a huge burden and a cause for feeling lonely, I want you to remind each and every one of us that through you anything is possible and through you we are strong enough to get through this season.

There are enough ungodly men in this world that each one of us could be married right now but it is by Your strength that we CHOOSE to hold out for a godly man, one hand selected by You.  Shield us from the unfiltered, inconsiderate questions and comments of family and friends who use the holidays as a time to question us of our single status.  Fill us with the peace the surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).  Remind us that that scripture not only speaks to us but it speaks to those who question us as well.  They do not have to understand why we CHOOSE not to marry just anyone.  They do not have to understand the STRENGTH that you've give us to wait on You.  Redirect their minds Lord.  Quench their desire to search through our personal business for answers on our single lives.  Send them instead on a search to find the PEACE that we stand on, the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Lord, as a single woman, I stand here confessing that this walk is not easy, but by your GRACE, I will continue to walk this walk until my single path crosses with the path of the husband I KNOW you have for me.  Father for every single woman, I declare that every chain of depression, desperation, shame, and guilt is broken right in the name of JESUS.  Remind us that we are not choosing to be single, but rather we are choosing to fill your godly purpose for us.  Singleness is just merely a step towards fulfilling that purpose.  I claim for each of us that the next step of Marriage and Family will be worth every second of our waiting. 

Father, you placed on my heart that someone somewhere needs this prayer.  Dry the tears of the one who is crying right now.  Mend her broken heart Lord.  Fill her with confidence and courage.  She will get through this.  She will see joy in the morning.  Father, it took me a long time to reach this place of peace and I can't thank you enough for bringing me to this point.  Every tear I shed along the way was worth the unwavering, unshakable faith that I now have as a result of my pain.  If you can do it for me, you can do it for the one who is crying right now.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, Father!  Her healing has begun and in Your name it will be complete! 

Amen!


----------



## sweetvi

Reminiscing said:


> The Lord placed this prayer on my heart today...
> 
> Almighty God,
> 
> I come before you lifting the single women of this forum. Every time I think of single Christian women, the word "*strength*" pops into my spirit. Lord, as we move forward into the holiday season, a time that singleness can be a huge burden and a cause for feeling lonely, I want you to remind each and every one of us that through you anything is possible and through you we are strong enough to get through this season.
> 
> There are enough ungodly men in this world that each one of us could be married right now but it is by Your strength that we CHOOSE to hold out for a godly man, one hand selected by You. Shield us from the unfiltered, inconsiderate questions and comments of family and friends who use the holidays as a time to question us of our single status. Fill us with the peace the surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). Remind us that that scripture not only speaks to us but it speaks to those who question us as well. They do not have to understand why we CHOOSE not to marry just anyone. They do not have to understand the* STRENGTH* that you've give us to wait on You. Redirect their minds Lord. Quench their desire to search through our personal business for answers on our single lives. Send them instead on a search to find the PEACE that we stand on, the peace that surpasses all understanding.
> 
> Lord, as a single woman, I stand here confessing that this walk is not easy, but by your GRACE, I will continue to walk this walk until my single path crosses with the path of the husband I KNOW you have for me. Father for every single woman, I declare that every chain of depression, desperation, shame, and guilt is broken right in the name of JESUS. Remind us that we are not choosing to be single, but rather we are choosing to fill your godly purpose for us. Singleness is just merely a step towards fulfilling that purpose. I claim for each of us that the next step of Marriage and Family will be worth every second of our waiting.
> 
> Father, you placed on my heart that someone somewhere needs this prayer. Dry the tears of the one who is crying right now. Mend her broken heart Lord. Fill her with confidence and courage. She will get through this. She will see joy in the morning. Father, it took me a long time to reach this place of peace and I can't thank you enough for bringing me to this point. Every tear I shed along the way was worth the unwavering, unshakable faith that I now have as a result of my pain. If you can do it for me, you can do it for the one who is crying right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Father! Her healing has begun and in Your name it will be complete!
> 
> Amen!


 

 Thank you........ beautifully written!


----------



## Reminiscing

Kinkyhairlady said:


> See I don't see it like I am flawed and they are flawed and it's up to me to make the decision. I feel if a man has so much flaws/baggage and it just brings stress and pain to you then it's not what God wanted. I've posted in the relationship forum about some crazy men I've dealt with and I wonder was I suppose to try to make this work. One was in a foreign country and ended up marrying someone else in the states because I never traveled to meet him. By the time I was ready he had moved on. The other has major personify issues where he was controlling and is only here on a visa. My ex was a big time player and the others were just not serious. I don't understand how any of these men could have been my husband. I ask myself would I be happy? Was this my fault? Love should not suffer or cause pain that is what I tell myself. The man God has for me if he has one will be everything I want in a man. He may be flawed but those flaws won't be major issues in our relationship.  My biggest regret is the foreign guy cause he was Christian, intelligent, handsome and out families are very close. I screwed up royally by dating a bunch of losers here and he thought I was not serious and I was afraid to travel to his country. *Every day I think about it and tears come to my eyes*. I pray God to help me get over it or at least see that I did not lose anything cause mentally this is tormenting me.



Kinkyhairlady - I wrote the prayer I just posted before I read your post.  The bolded statement above says to me that you may possibly be the one that God placed on my heart.  Sis, here's a big hug for you.  

I want you to wipe your tears and walk forth in confidence knowing that your past is your past and you can move on from it.  Just because a man is a Christian does not mean he is the Christian man for you.  I know we get caught up on the shortage of Christian men sometimes but we can't focus on it to the point that we lament about a Christian man that "got away."  One of the reasons why we all want a Christian man is because he hears God's voice.  If God spoke to that young man about you, he would have come to the you and asked to court you.  And, if God did speak to him about you but he chose not to listen, then he's not the man you're looking for.  We want Godly men who listen to and obey God.  So either way you look at it, there was no mistake in you two not coming together.  You did not "screw up."  That man was for someone else and since he's married to her now, you need to let him go. 

Exodus 20:7 says _"Thou  shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, *thou shalt not covet thy  neighbour's wife*, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox,  nor his donkey, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's."_  Change the "wife" in this scripture to "husband."  Yes, I want you to let go of this guy for your own peace of mind, but spiritually you also need to let him go.  He's married now and and as protection for his marriage, God's Word speaks against your continued desire for "what if" with this man.  This is certainly not condemnation, sis, because I've been stuck in a state of "what if" before.  Be thankful in knowing that when it's your turn for marriage, God's word will protect you from those who covet you.  There's nothing abnormal about the way you feel, but now it's time to let it go.  I pray that you find the peace that surpasses all understanding.


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

Reminiscing said:


> Kinkyhairlady - I wrote the prayer I just posted before I read your post.  The bolded statement above says to me that you may possibly be the one that God placed on my heart.  Sis, here's a big hug for you.   I want you to wipe your tears and walk forth in confidence knowing that your past is your past and you can move on from it.  Just because a man is a Christian does not mean he is the Christian man for you.  I know we get caught up on the shortage of Christian men sometimes but we can't focus on it to the point that we lament about a Christian man that "got away."  One of the reasons why we all want a Christian man is because he hears God's voice.  If God spoke to that young man about you, he would have come to the you and asked to court you.  And, if God did speak to him about you but he chose not to listen, then he's not the man you're looking for.  We want Godly men who listen to and obey God.  So either way you look at it, there was no mistake in you two not coming together.  You did not "screw up."  That man was for someone else and since he's married to her now, you need to let him go.  Exodus 20:7 says "Thou  shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy  neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox,  nor his donkey, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's."  Change the "wife" in this scripture to "husband."  Yes, I want you to let go of this guy for your own peace of mind, but spiritually you also need to let him go.  He's married now and and as protection for his marriage, God's Word speaks against your continued desire for "what if" with this man.  This is certainly not condemnation, sis, because I've been stuck in a state of "what if" before.  Be thankful in knowing that when it's your turn for marriage, God's word will protect you from those who covet you.  There's nothing abnormal about the way you feel, but now it's time to let it go.  I pray that you find the peace that surpasses all understanding.



Thank you. Yes I know I have to get over it and I try but it's really hard. I feel guilty, regretful and jealous. This is not how my heart should be. I met this man when he came to US and he tells me we would have been married and I would have had a good husband. This is what has stayed in my mind. I should never has met him but I was curious. The devil really knows how to screw with us single ladies. I've recently found a great church and will start praying and attending bible study more. The reason why I'm so weak is cause I don't read the gospel at all when I'm home. I need to force the habit. Someday I'll be ok.


----------



## mscurly

Sometimes when you are going through things it can feel like you are alone. Kinkyhairlady I understand how you feel about the what ifs and feeling like you missed an opportunity. I'm going though a similar situation right now. 

I was dating this man off and on for 3 years and always had such a crush on him and felt like we were meant to be together. We started dating again in September and when we were together it felt like a dream. He was saying how he was ready to settle down and asking me what types of rings I liked and how he wanted to make me happy. One night I get these texts a 2am from some woman saying how he is her man. I ask him about it and he admits that she was a woman he was dealing with and that it was a mistake. The first time I handle it calmly but THEN I kept getting phone calls and texts and pics with him in her bed. So I started getting mad at him like obviously he is lying to me about his relationship with this girl or else why is she harassing me. I kept asking him to just be honest with me and tell me the truth and stop lying. He says he doesn't want to deal with me anymore because he doesn't want any drama. 

I don't know why I am making myself feel guilty for being angry with him about it. What could I have done differently? Thinking maybe I should have handled the situation more calmly then he would have wanted to still speak with me. I should have just cut him off before he had the chance to drop me but I wanted an explanation so badly. It hurts and I feel so rejected. I've continued praying about it and still reading the bible. I haven't stopped doing that but I just feel like maybe I was in this situation because of my own fault. Or God is allowing me to go through this pain and its frustrating. Today was the first day in weeks that I haven't cried about the situation. 

I actually believed that me and this guy were going to get married. He had all the things I "wanted" he wanted to give his life back to the Lord, successful, attractive, came from a decent family. All the other guys I've met are either ugly or they don't have their finances in order, or there is no chemistry. I've been single for 2 years and it gets really hard to keep going. Especially after feeling completely rejected after this whole situation. 

Thanks Reminiscing for the prayer it blessed me as well. 

Praying to move on from this situation but it has really effected my self esteem. My last relationship before this I ended it because the man was cheating on me and I found out because the woman called my phone and told me. Why does this keep happening to me?


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

mscurly said:


> Sometimes when you are going through things it can feel like you are alone. Kinkyhairlady I understand how you feel about the what ifs and feeling like you missed an opportunity. I'm going though a similar situation right now.  I was dating this man off and on for 3 years and always had such a crush on him and felt like we were meant to be together. We started dating again in September and when we were together it felt like a dream. He was saying how he was ready to settle down and asking me what types of rings I liked and how he wanted to make me happy. One night I get these texts a 2am from some woman saying how he is her man. I ask him about it and he admits that she was a woman he was dealing with and that it was a mistake. The first time I handle it calmly but THEN I kept getting phone calls and texts and pics with him in her bed. So I started getting mad at him like obviously he is lying to me about his relationship with this girl or else why is she harassing me. I kept asking him to just be honest with me and tell me the truth and stop lying. He says he doesn't want to deal with me anymore because he doesn't want any drama.  I don't know why I am making myself feel guilty for being angry with him about it. What could I have done differently? Thinking maybe I should have handled the situation more calmly then he would have wanted to still speak with me. I should have just cut him off before he had the chance to drop me but I wanted an explanation so badly. It hurts and I feel so rejected. I've continued praying about it and still reading the bible. I haven't stopped doing that but I just feel like maybe I was in this situation because of my own fault. Or God is allowing me to go through this pain and its frustrating. Today was the first day in weeks that I haven't cried about the situation.  I actually believed that me and this guy were going to get married. He had all the things I "wanted" he wanted to give his life back to the Lord, successful, attractive, came from a decent family. All the other guys I've met are either ugly or they don't have their finances in order, or there is no chemistry. I've been single for 2 years and it gets really hard to keep going. Especially after feeling completely rejected after this whole situation.  Thanks Reminiscing for the prayer it blessed me as well.  Praying to move on from this situation but it has really effected my self esteem. My last relationship before this I ended it because the man was cheating on me and I found out because the woman called my phone and told me. Why does this keep happening to me?



Thank you for sharing your story mscurly Sounds like he may have been dishonest and possibly you dodged a bullet. It's hard to see it now but you will one day.


----------



## Maracujá

stephluv said:


> *Ladies we need a prayer line just so we can raise our voices and fellowship* Even if it's monthly or right before the holidays as I'm sure we all feel a ill singles twinge around Christmas, new years and that "single awareness" day called valentines day
> 
> I was on a prayer line earlier today for a young mime dance troupe and to hear theses young ladies pray for each other was very encouraging



I'm all for it. We were promised to have a life free of concerns...ummmm...I don't know about y'all but that's just not how I'm feeling right now. Or ever have felt as a singlista for that matter. :/


----------



## stephluv

Ladies sending up prayers for all of us...I can't wait until we join the wives club and are encouraging our single women! Have faith ladies!! It'll be your wedding day before you know it...you will be getting ready to walk down the aisle to meet your husband thinking Gods timing is perfect and ALWAYS on time.


----------



## Maracujá

If you’re called to love, you’re called to wait. There is no love without patience, no love without waiting, no love without hope. - Gary Thomas


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## Kinkyhairlady

So I had a crazy idea so I'll share. I was going to submit a prayer request at church to ask for God to send me my husband in 2014. My church is a praying church but I feel kind of embarrassed putting my business out there. Have any of you ladies asked for special prayer at you place of worship?


----------



## Divine.

If you all get bored during the holidays, you should check out my new blog: http://thesinglewomanfront.blogspot.com/ (hopefully this isn't in violation of the rules )

Right now, I am just writing what God places on my heart  

To answer your question Kinkyhairlady, I have never done this before. Have you thought about praying with a group of women you are close to instead? Or rather than saying, God send me my husband, maybe your prayer request should be for God to heal you from all the hurt in your past so that you may openly receive all of His blessings in 2014.


----------



## Maracujá

Very insightful. It's an adapted excerpt from Gary Thomas' book for singles entitled 'The Sacred Search'. You may already be doing some of these things but since the aim is wholeness and perseverance, I thought it would be a great reminder for 2014. Happy New Year btw ladies 




> Brain research suggests that romantic attachment—infatuation—is more powerful than the sex drive. Neurologically speaking, it’s easier to say no to physical sexual passion than it is to regulate the rush of emotional infatuation.
> 
> Consider all the sermons you’ve heard as a single about reining in the sex drive, developing skills to say “stop” in the heat of passion, not letting yourself get into intense situations, and yet, neurologically, it’s more difficult to deny powerful emotions than it is to regulate sexual passion.
> 
> Have you ever heard a sermon or read a blog about emotional self control?
> We can’t always choose who we get infatuated with; sometimes, infatuation just happens. But we can choose what to do with that infatuation. We can choose to slavishly follow it, laugh at it, or learn to manage it.
> 
> In the interest of full disclosure, I did a miserable job of this as a single, so I can’t use myself as an example. Fortunately, we have a much more reliable source to turn to: Jesus. While Jesus never dated, He did have friends, and His friendships reveal the nature of His relationships in such a way that we can imagine how He would date.
> 
> For instance, Jesus built rich relationships with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.
> When Lazarus grew very sick, the sisters sent word to Jesus to hurry back because Lazarus was dying. Yet Jesus purposefully delayed His visit until after Lazarus died.
> 
> It looked really bad on the surface. An uncharitable view might have been that Jesus was afraid of the Jews in Bethany who had tried to kill Him on his last visit, or that he was simply indifferent. The accusations these sisters greeted Jesus with demonstrated their distrust.
> 
> As God, Jesus knew that His friends would feel betrayed. Even so, he held back from doing what they wanted him to do. His friendship was based on something superior to what his friends would think.
> 
> Is your friendship great enough to put your loved one’s good above your loved one’s opinion of you?
> That’s a difficult place to get to, but it’s the only foundation for mature love. You have to become the kind of person who does what’s best even if the person you love doesn’t think you’re acting with the proper motive or concern.
> 
> A 20th century writer, R. Somerset Ward, suggests that such “unselfishness is only possible by means of discipline, of warfare with selfish desires. The highest bond of friendship is forged in the fire of discipline, and it is true to experience to say that the greater the cost of the forging, the greater will be the friendship.”
> 
> Most people think the highest bond of friendship is the fire of emotion and affection. What makes someone a friend in the modern mind is that we like them or feel fondly toward them. Somerset suggests, and Jesus models, that the highest bond of friendship is personal discipline—the higher the cost and sacrifice, the truer the friendship. Love is doing what’s best for someone, even if what’s best is confusing or resented. To get to this place, we have to “declare spiritual war” against our selfishness.
> 
> Romance is built on dramatic displays of lavish affection
> —but such displays can be evidence of an undisciplined heart. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to limit your displays of affection by submitting to God’s greater good for this person. Ward puts it this way: “A voluntary limitation of demonstration [and] a consideration of their highest good are marks of a great love.”
> 
> Jesus could have immediately traveled to Lazarus and healed him, and never given his sisters an opportunity to question His love, or He could have allowed Lazarus to die, allowed Mary and Martha to go through a natural questioning of His love and commitment, and thereby teach them a valuable spiritual lesson. Jesus chose the spiritual lesson and waited until Lazarus died.
> 
> It goes a little deeper than this, however. Jesus told His disciples that it was God’s will for him to raise Lazarus from the deadJesus couldn’t do that unless He first let Lazarus die. Jesus lived first for the glory of God, above every human friendship, and that made Him the truest friend anyone could ever have.
> 
> Notice also how deliberately Jesus acts in friendship.
> Let me ask you a tough question: when you see a friendship or romance just beginning to bloom, are you deliberate or impatient? Do you seek God’s face before you “explore” your feelings and discuss them? If your feelings are contrary to God’s will, they are, at that moment, irrelevant, if indeed Jesus is your God and not just your “friend.”
> 
> Many couples tend to be undisciplined and hasty in declaring their affection. They blurt out their feelings before seriously even knowing the other person. And then they tend to be very self-centered, wanting the other person to respond in kind and begin meeting their romantic fantasies with equal desperation.
> 
> Jesus does the exact opposite.
> Let’s listen to Ward again: “The mistakes in our human friendships are usually due to the fact that we give too generously what is useless to our friend [easy displays of affection], and are too [stingy] in giving the more costly gifts, which are essential to his welfare [reining in our feelings until we know we can back them up].… At the back of all appearances lies the truth that the measure of love is its costliness. To analyze one’s feelings is the worst way of arriving at a measure of friendship; to count its cost is the best way.”
> 
> To analyze one’s feelings is the worst way of arriving at a measure of friendship; to count its cost is the best way.
> 
> And yet isn’t that what many of us do, spend endless hours trying to figure out what we’re really feeling? Jesus lived and taught that friendship and love are marked by sacrifice: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Feeling romantically inclined toward someone, but not mentioning it because you know doing so would be premature and unwise, is one of the most loving and difficult things you will ever be asked to do. It is difficult to feel so strongly and not talk about it with the one you’re infatuated with. And it is so delicious to hear that the feelings are returned. But giving free rein to such emotion and conversation is the opposite of love; it is selfish. It threatens that person’s emotional and spiritual health. It shows a lack of concern, a refusal to embrace the sacrifice on which true love is based. Are you learning to deny your selfish desires and put the other person’s spiritual welfare ahead of your own emotional and physical lusts?
> 
> How do you truly know whether you are committed to this person, and that you truly love him or her? Here’s how you know: your love is directly proportional to your willingness to act unselfishly, to even let the person think less of you, if in doing so you are serving their spiritual advancement. If you would rather not declare your love because you want to make sure the relationship is wise, that’s counting the cost. That’s love. If you would rather know whether your feelings are returned before you even know whether the relationship would honor God, that’s selfishness. Analyzing your feelings is a waste of time. Analyze instead the fruit of love, your willingness to sacrifice, your commitment to the other person’s welfare.
> 
> A God-honoring friendship that might also lead to marriage is exciting
> —which is all the more reason we should guard it and make sure it is built on a solid foundation. “The spirit in which we enter on a friendship, determines its growth. Too often we enter lightly and without thought into friendship, but if we consider it as a part of spiritual life, we shall be saved from this disaster. In such a case we shall approach it as a serious matter, striving to discipline it rightly from the start, prepared to give our best to it, however costly it may be… If we can accomplish this by God’s help our life will be enriched by the greatest gift to be found on earth, a friendship such as Christ gave to Lazarus and his sisters.”
> 
> If you don’t value God’s approval above your friend’s, you’ll never be able to truly love them. Faith isn’t just about what happens when we die; it changes the way we live, the way we fall in love, and even the way we date.



Link: http://www.garythomas.com/how-would-jesus-date/


----------



## Phoenix14

^^^^^That's the book my mother got for me.


----------



## Maracujá

^^^*turns green*  But seriously, this book has been on my wish list on Amazon.com for a while, shoes keep calling my name though.


----------



## DreamLife

Back in this thread. Was in a relationship for a few months and things were going so well...then things just crashed and burned. The guy was Christian and we were compatible (so I thought) and I thought everything was perfect. But it was long distance and issues quickly arose and now I'm back here. I was sad for a few days, but now I've reflected on the lessons that he taught me and what God wanted me to get out of that relationship. Can't wait to see what 2014 has to bring (hopefully my husband)! Last year I was so intentional about getting out and dating (and had a ton of good/weird/bad dates) that really strengthened me, so I think it was good for me. I will be prayerful this year and guard my heart regarding relationships.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> ^^^*turns green*  But seriously, this book has been on my wish list on Amazon.com for a while, shoes keep calling my name though.



If you have a Kindle, this book is $2.24.


----------



## Phoenix14

Maracujá said:


> ^^^*turns green*  But seriously, this book has been on my wish list on Amazon.com for a while, shoes keep calling my name though.



Listen, don't feel bad. I've had this book for months and I still haven't finished it. It's like I'm afraid of what realizations it will bring me


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> If you have a Kindle, this book is $2.24.



I have Kindle, I've purchased books via Kindle in the past but they remove it after a period of time so :/.



Phoenix14 said:


> Listen, don't feel bad. I've had this book for months and I still haven't finished it. *It's like I'm afraid of what realizations it will bring me*



I hear you loud and clear...


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> I have Kindle, I've purchased books via Kindle in the past but they remove it after a period of time so :/.[\QUOTE]
> 
> No, that's no supposed to happen.  You should write customer service about that.  I have never had that happen.  I know I've borrowed books from the library on my kindle and those expire but not book that I've purchased.


----------



## LucieLoo12

Hello Ladies. I wanted to just stop by and tell you guys that you're waiting is not vain. A little over a year ago I never thought I would be married, but I will be sending out my wedding invitations this week.( wedding date 3/1/14) The devil told me that no one wanted me and that I would die alone. But he is a liar . I was saved and on fire for God single for about 7 years before I got engaged. And when I tell you my engagement came out of the blue...it really did. I always desired to be married but I desired more for it to be in God's will. I had nights being single that I would cry because of the lonliness. Before I got saved I  was very sexually active, so I had to even be weaned from that. My body would crave touch and affectionate from a man, but I would fall on my face and cry out to God. And He kept me.  I know it may sound a little cliche but marriage didnt happen to me until my mind was off of it and I was truly content in God. It seemed like all my friends were getting married and I was the only one left out. But I didnt let that bother me, but I continued to seek God and trust Him. I didn't date at all, but I wanted to do things holy and pure. And the bible says He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. God will do it. Me and Fh have never kissed or been intimate. I will kiss my husband for the first time on my wedding day. They're are godly men out there. When you do things the bible way, you get bible results.




Even after being engaged, I'm very happy, but it isnt the end of all things. It doesn't fill all of our voids and it's not the ultimate joy that is in Jesus. If anything, it has shown me how much I need God even the more. So I just wanted to say all this to say that God is faithful and He sees all things. And He said those that wait on Him will not be ashamed. Love you all.


----------



## Reminiscing

LucieLoo12 said:


> Hello Ladies. I wanted to just stop by and tell you guys that you're waiting is not vain. A little over a year ago I never thought I would be married, but I will be sending out my wedding invitations this week.( wedding date 3/1/14) The devil told me that no one wanted me and that I would die alone. But he is a liar . I was saved and on fire for God single for about 7 years before I got engaged. And when I tell you my engagement came out of the blue...it really did. I always desired to be married but I desired more for it to be in God's will. I had nights being single that I would cry because of the lonliness. Before I got saved I  was very sexually active, so I had to even be weaned from that. My body would crave touch and affectionate from a man, but I would fall on my face and cry out to God. And He kept me.  I know it may sound a little cliche but marriage didnt happen to me until my mind was off of it and I was truly content in God. It seemed like all my friends were getting married and I was the only one left out. But I didnt let that bother me, but I continued to seek God and trust Him. I didn't date at all, but I wanted to do things holy and pure. And the bible says He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. God will do it. Me and Fh have never kissed or been intimate. I will kiss my husband for the first time on my wedding day. They're are godly men out there. When you do things the bible way, you get bible results.  Even after being engaged, I'm very happy, but it isnt the end of all things. It doesn't fill all of our voids and it's not the ultimate joy that is in Jesus. If anything, it has shown me how much I need God even the more. So I just wanted to say all this to say that God is faithful and He sees all things. And He said those that wait on Him will not be ashamed. Love you all.



Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!


----------



## Divine.

Today is the first day in a really long time I have felt down. All these emotions of hurt are surfacing out of nowhere! The guy I used to talk to has a birthday coming up on Monday. I have been feeling so bad lately for blocking and ignoring him that I reached out to him yesterday. Idk why I did that. 

When you reopen a door God has already shut, you will have zero peace. Why should I really care it's his birthday? I don't even see myself with him ever. Sometimes I care too much about the wrong people. Now my emotions are rattled because I knew I should've just left it alone. 

Moral of the story: if God has confirmed to you multiple times that someone isn't the one, don't ignore the signs. Don't make excuses for reopening doors shut by God. They were shut for a reason. Even if you have good intentions, don't leave room for the enemy to use that counterfeit as a distraction. 

I'm using my mistake as an example.


----------



## Phoenix14

Divine. Go ahead and CLOSE THE DOOR. I know exactly how you feel because I feel similarly with old flings. To be honest, you can still have fond sentiments with someone without reaching out to them. Pray for him, wish him the best, but use God as your communication medium. Tell him Happy Birthday through the Lord. He'll get the message lol.


----------



## Divine.

Phoenix14 This is some good advice! I was trying to figure out if maybe I was wrong for still "caring." But it's not even that I care; there's just certain things you don't forget. The Holy Spirit can drop him a message on Monday  Thanks 

I feel much better too!


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

Divine. said:


> Today is the first day in a really long time I have felt down. All these emotions of hurt are surfacing out of nowhere! The guy I used to talk to has a birthday coming up on Monday. I have been feeling so bad lately for blocking and ignoring him that I reached out to him yesterday. Idk why I did that.  When you reopen a door God has already shut, you will have zero peace. Why should I really care it's his birthday? I don't even see myself with him ever. Sometimes I care too much about the wrong people. Now my emotions are rattled because I knew I should've just left it alone.  Moral of the story: if God has confirmed to you multiple times that someone isn't the one, don't ignore the signs. Don't make excuses for reopening doors shut by God. They were shut for a reason. Even if you have good intentions, don't leave room for the enemy to use that counterfeit as a distraction.  I'm using my mistake as an example.



I'm happy you realize this. I battled with the same thing. Kept in contact with ex's and recently I realized this is a barrier a stagnation from me getting my true blessing. If I hang on to ex's that still want to be with me they do not want another man coming into the picture and will block that blessing. I care about them to but I realize I'm not with them because they are not what is good for me. When they call I answer but keep the convo very short. My point is getting across without me feeling guilty. I've been going to church and joined a woman's group. I finally have a group of people surrounding me and praying for me. This is a breakthrough year for me and I hope to be posting in this thread in a few months my own testimony of finding the man God has prepared for me. Don't let anything or anyone stand in the way of your blessing it's not worth it. I was doing my own self sabotage by letting the Devil block my blessing but no more!


----------



## Phoenix14

I took one day off yesterday or well a few hours off (planned). In 24 hours the devil has been working overtime. I found out a family member was killed, but to God be the glory.

Praise Report: 
- the recent sermon was EXACTLY what I needed
- rekindled a friendship and that friend was exactly who I needed


----------



## bellatiamarie

Phoenix14  sorry for your loss.


----------



## LoveisYou

Gosh, I am having serious baby hunger...


----------



## Sarophina

LoveisYou said:


> Gosh, I am having serious baby hunger...



For me, it's hard walking down the kids section in most stores. I just start ahhhing and thinking about when my day will come.


----------



## Sosa

Sarophina said:


> For me, it's hard walking down the kids section in most stores. I just start ahhhing and thinking about when my day will come.



Tell me about it. I love the baby aisles. Only I avoid those sections when I'm with my mom cuz I have learned that grandbaby hunger>>>> baby hunger .
The other night my mom had a dream, she saw me as Kate Middleton holding my baby. I was like huh? Then she texted me this picture


----------



## Lenee925

I can't believe I am just seeing this thread and venturing into the CF forum now. I've missed out! 

Maracujá I read your posts by Gary Thomas which lead me to read his blog which then lead me to download Sacred Search to my Kindle app and start reading it! I even shared the blog with my BFF and she liked it so much that she shared it with her boyfriend. 

It's a a little intimidating at first because it's so very different from the idealogy of the mainstream mindset of finding a husband BUT it's so powerful and freeing. The more I read, the less I feel like a lonely husbandless victim lol and the more I am learing about who I really am in Christ and how that properly defines the place marriage will have in my life eventually.

I like that he says, it's not only about who you want to marry, but WHY? I think this book is going to help me retain my old mindsets of finding a husband. 

Thank you


----------



## Sarophina

Sosa said:


> Tell me about it. I love the baby aisles. Only I avoid those sections when I'm with my mom cuz I have learned that grandbaby hunger>>>> baby hunger .
> The other night my mom had a dream, she saw me as Kate Middleton holding my baby. I was like huh? Then she texted me this picture
> 
> 
> View attachment 242501



Lol, ITA that grandbaby hunger>>>>baby hunger. It's hard to remain content with my mom always asking me why she doesn't have any grandkids yet, lol.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Lenee925 said:


> I can't believe I am just seeing this thread and venturing into the CF forum now. I've missed out!
> 
> Maracujá I read your posts by Gary Thomas which lead me to read his blog which then lead me to download Sacred Search to my Kindle app and start reading it! I even shared the blog with my BFF and she liked it so much that she shared it with her boyfriend.
> 
> It's a a little intimidating at first because it's so very different from the idealogy of the mainstream mindset of finding a husband BUT it's so powerful and freeing. The more I read, the less I feel like a lonely husbandless victim lol and the more I am learing about who I really am in Christ and how that properly defines the place marriage will have in my life eventually.
> 
> I like that he says, it's not only about who you want to marry, but WHY? I think this book is going to help me retain my old mindsets of finding a husband.
> 
> Thank you



I purchased the book also and I'm about half way through.  It's a really good read and definitely opening my eyes to a lot. I purchased it a while back after someone on the board suggested it but I just started reading it about two weeks ago.

It's definitely not a book that you can just read through... You have to answer the study questions after each chapter and really think critically about what is being presented. I'll have to check out his blog.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Just CHecking in,

 This is interesting because someone I used to.. well... have sexual relations with before I well.. got it together.. revealed alot to me. I'm not healed in areas.. especially when it comes to....... well the horizontal mambo.. I know not everyone is a virgin but if ther eis healing that needs to be done.. it needs to be done.. so i will work on that


----------



## Maracujá

Lenee925 said:


> I can't believe I am just seeing this thread and venturing into the CF forum now. I've missed out!
> 
> Maracujá I read your posts by Gary Thomas which lead me to read his blog which then lead me to download Sacred Search to my Kindle app and start reading it! I even shared the blog with my BFF and she liked it so much that she shared it with her boyfriend.
> 
> It's a a little intimidating at first because it's so very different from the idealogy of the mainstream mindset of finding a husband BUT it's so powerful and freeing. The more I read, the less I feel like a lonely husbandless victim lol and the more I am learing about who I really am in Christ and how that properly defines the place marriage will have in my life eventually.
> 
> I like that he says, it's not only about who you want to marry, but WHY? I think this book is going to help me retain my old mindsets of finding a husband.
> 
> Thank you



Lenee925: You're welcome! Hope you're subscribed to his blog posts aswell, I really like the way he explains our actions. Sometimes you feel it in your spirit that you are doing the right thing despite the fact it's not what society deems 'good' but it's always nice to have someone confirm it through Scripture.


----------



## loolalooh

Heather Lindsey has a YouTube channel : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3eXhhNTYTPvFsGE20gxk-w


----------



## Divine.

loolalooh said:


> Heather Lindsey has a YouTube channel : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3eXhhNTYTPvFsGE20gxk-w



Heather has such a beautiful soul. I went to her church not too long ago and it felt like we had been friends for years lol


----------



## LovelyRo

loolalooh said:


> Heather Lindsey has a YouTube channel : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3eXhhNTYTPvFsGE20gxk-w



Thanks for sharing this... I didn't know she had a YouTube channel. I follow her on basically everything else!


----------



## Haddasah

Gradually pulling away emotionally from this guy, Lord help me


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

Ladies this journey is a tough one. Past few days I've been feeling so lonely and annoyed that I'm letting things get to me. I just recently found out a guy I was seeing last year is seriously seeing someone now and may be getting married soon. This hurts so bad but it's not because I wanted him back but I just felt like I keep missing this train. All these men I meet end up marrying someone else. Is it me that's the issue? Are these woman being treated better than I was? Why can't God send the right one for me now? I know I have to be patient and I am but the lonely feeling has been to much lately. I tend to contact people I shouldn't when I feel like that and I'm tired of it. Everyone says get out more but I go out just not to clubs and stuff. It's not like men don't see me but it's the ones who are full of bs that approach. Smh


----------



## LoveisYou

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Ladies this journey is a tough one. Past few days I've been feeling so lonely and annoyed that I'm letting things get to me. I just recently found out a guy I was seeing last year is seriously seeing someone now and may be getting married soon. This hurts so bad but it's not because I wanted him back but I just felt like I keep missing this train. All these men I meet end up marrying someone else. Is it me that's the issue? Are these woman being treated better than I was? Why can't God send the right one for me now? I know I have to be patient and I am but the lonely feeling has been to much lately. I tend to contact people I shouldn't when I feel like that and I'm tired of it. Everyone says get out more but I go out just not to clubs and stuff. It's not like men don't see me but it's the ones who are full of bs that approach. Smh



I know it's tough...but you never know what God is protecting you from. Keep on praying His will for your life.


----------



## Maracujá

We often talk about love finding us but how is everyone doing in the meanwhile in other aspects of your life as a singlista? The last couple of months have been so rough fore me financially and career wise...


----------



## Haddasah

Maracujá said:


> We often talk about love finding us but how is everyone doing in the meanwhile in other aspects of your life as a singlista? The last couple of months have been so rough fore me financially and career wise...



Sorry about the career, I had a rough time too, God will see you through. 

I was just thinking of posting something similar to this, I am trying to get over this guy emotionally because I feel like he is pulling away and so I'm trying to do the same, pull away emotionally and physically. Not sure if that's the best but...

I don't want to be down though I have been since he starting acting different and I don't want to retreat to food (wish I'm prone to do). So I am working on my health and remolding my house and growing closer to God(getting back to my journal and strictly confiding in God only)  and also putting more of me into my ministry...I don't really have friends that live close so I'm going to make more of an effort to visit and to make one good friend here


----------



## Divine.

Maracujá said:


> We often talk about love finding us but how is everyone doing in the meanwhile in other aspects of your life as a singlista? The last couple of months have been so rough fore me financially and career wise...



To be honest I don't have time for love with all this stuff going on in my life  I'm too busy trying to get my finances in order. Life is really rough. I'm still trying to figure out what direction God wants me to walk in. I started my blog but I haven't been able to post as much because of the amount of stress I'm under. Praying that God will make a way sooner than later.


----------



## 3akay3

I'm a natural lurker but had to share.  My desire for marriage has been my biggest test. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's difficult beyond words. I came across this blog recently and it so eloquently articulates my thoughts, feelings, and everything else about being single while waiting on my husband. It's helping me so much and I hope it does the same for someone else. 

http://www.loveandgracemedia.com


Recent blog entry:
Jesus is the Balm

We could spend the series discussing dating tips and beauty, but the healing of sorrow and discontentment begins with God.

Overcoming sorrow has everything to do with God and our relation to Him. 

Beauty and relationship advice are good topics to discuss and will be discussed in future articles. But when tears are staining our pillow at night, we need to focus on a remedy that will heal us at the root.

Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has the health of the daughter of my people not been restored? (Jeremiah 8:22 ESV)

Why do we look for divine cures in temporal things? Why do we treat our pain with ointments that cover up but never heal? Many continue to struggle and make poor decisions because of carrying needless pain. There is a Physician that we can turn to and until we realize that all of our help comes from the Lord, we will miss the mark of true joy.

Marriage is awesome and I pray that all who desire it, find it. But boyfriends and husbands are not the balm in Gilead. As much of a blessing as they can be to us, they are not the final answer for the healing of our sorrow.

To be a better manager of our emotions we must decrease so that God may increase. In Him is hope. In Him is joy. In Him is power.

Chasing after popularity, romance, and tender kisses will not heal sorrow that has taken root in our soul. Jesus is the balm that heals every kind of brokenness…every kind of sorrow.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF


----------



## LoveisYou

Going out and dates and getting to know different people is supposed to be fun
Well I'm tired....

I'm just ready to meet the one


----------



## Maracujá

^^^This is why I frequently take breaks from dating. I'll date two guys a year max.


----------



## DreamLife

Back in the thread...single again and surprisingly optimistic about what God has in store.


----------



## Kinkyhairlady

Ladies I came across this great blog by a Christian woman. I've been reading her testimony and others about relationships. Just wanted to share. 

http://thelipstickgospel.com/2013/02/20/god-told-me-who-im-going-to-marry/


----------



## Reminiscing

Happy Valentine's Day!

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16

God placed this scripture on my heart this morning.  He said to me that I promise that if you believe in me, you should not perish and that includes today, this day of love that you must endure as a single woman.  Ladies, I encourage you as you go out today witnessing the wonderful celebration of love between couples, remember that our time to celebrate is coming soon.  In the meantime, God will not allow us to perish from the jealousy, the doubt, the longing, the loneliness that today may cause us to feel as single women.  God loves us and we believe in Him, therefore he says we will not perish, not yesterday, not tomorrow and certainly NOT today!

Lots of love to you ladies!


----------



## Divine.

One of the things I am learning is that it's okay to have a desire to be married. I don't have to pretend that I'm always happy to be single. I am really hard on myself if I show any ounce of disappointment about not meeting the one yet. But it's natural for me to feel this way. As long I continue being obedient to God, the desires of my heart will follow suit.


----------



## Phoenix14

I'm feeling lonely for the first time....ever? Like no friends to call, no man, just me. And God? I guess. It's weird. I've never felt so alone and I know I NEED to read my bible, that I NEED to spend more time in prayer but I still can't bring myself to do it. Help.


----------



## Divine.

Phoenix14 said:


> I'm feeling lonely for the first time....ever? Like no friends to call, no man, just me. And God? I guess. It's weird. I've never felt so alone and I know I NEED to read my bible, that I NEED to spend more time in prayer but I still can't bring myself to do it. Help.



Maybe you just need to make prayer and studying more fun. That's what I had to do. I'm not sure what bible you have, but I highly recommend buying a life application bible. While reading I follow along with an audio bible. This makes reading my bible more interactive for me. 

It's funny, when I choose not to read my bible I make excuses for it (too tired, too busy). But when I start reading it again I always ask myself why I stopped reading it in the first place! I always receive some confirmation from God while reading.


----------



## Phoenix14

Divine. said:


> Maybe you just need to make prayer and studying more fun. That's what I had to do. I'm not sure what bible you have, but I highly recommend buying a life application bible. While reading I follow along with an audio bible. This makes reading my bible more interactive for me.
> 
> It's funny, when I choose not to read my bible I make excuses for it (too tired, too busy). But when I start reading it again I always ask myself why I stopped reading it in the first place! I always receive some confirmation from God while reading.



Thanks! I honestly haven't purchased a bible in ages. I just use the app on my phone. I have an old NIV and KJV from when I was younger.



Wait! I just looked at my bookcase and there is an almost untouched Life application NIV edition there. Thanks!!


----------



## Divine.

Phoenix14 said:


> Thanks! I honestly haven't purchased a bible in ages. I just use the app on my phone. I have an old NIV and KJV from when I was younger.  Wait! I just looked at my bookcase and there is an almost untouched Life application NIV edition there. Thanks!!



I have the same bible! I really enjoy it because it breaks everything down. It also livens up bible reading. I use the audio function on the bible app to read along as well.


----------



## sweetvi

Divine. said:


> One of the things I am learning is that it's okay to have a desire to be married. I don't have to pretend that I'm always happy to be single. I am really hard on myself if I show any ounce of disappointment about not meeting the one yet. But it's natural for me to feel this way. As long I continue being obedient to God, the desires of my heart will follow suit.



Amen. .....


----------



## Divine.

For any ladies over 30, or anyone for that matter, you should purchase the book Remember the Roses by Lynette Lewis. Her testimony is so powerful I could not put the book down. Lynette was 40 when she married her first husband. 

Like many of us, she was active in ministry, read God's Word, helped others, etc. But she still came up short with her relationship status. All of the friends around her got married and had children while she waited for her own husband to arrive. 

The book discusses in detail her story and the things she learned along the way. I'm not finished yet, but it helped me get out of a funk recently.


----------



## Maracujá

I really enjoyed reading this blog: http://www.ruthscompany.org/main/?page_id=8


----------



## Kacie

divine , your mention of Lynette led me to her blog and this post http://www.lynettelewis.com/big-family-newsmiracle/ that adds to the beautiful story God wrote for her.


----------



## Divine.

Kacie said:


> divine , your mention of Lynette led me to her blog and this post http://www.lynettelewis.com/big-family-newsmiracle/ that adds to the beautiful story God wrote for her.



This is amazing! God is so good! He never forgets those who have been faithful to him. Even when we feel like we're forgotten at times, God is behind the scenes creating an abundant life for us.  

If you needed anymore reason to purchase the book, this is it


----------



## foxee

Divine. said:


> This is amazing! God is so good! He never forgets those who have been faithful to him. Even when we feel like we're forgotten at times, God is behind the scenes creating an abundant life for us.
> 
> *If you needed anymore reason to purchase the book, this is it *



I'm sold! I just purchased a copy on Amazon.


----------



## Highly Favored8

Just order my book from Books A Million ..


----------



## Divine.

I hope the book brings you renewed hope ladies!


----------



## foxee

Divine. said:


> I hope the book brings you renewed hope ladies!



I received the book yesterday and read it in one sitting.  Lynette shared a lot of the same frustrations as I have over the years and it was great to see her receive the husband she'd been praying for.


----------



## Divine.

foxee said:


> I received the book yesterday and read it in one sitting.  Lynette shared a lot of the same frustrations as I have over the years and it was great to see her receive the husband she'd been praying for.



The book actually made me a little grateful. I'm still in my early twenties so I have a whole lot of time ahead of me. I can't say I would be the most suitable person to wait that long


----------



## Highly Favored8

Divine. said:


> I hope the book brings you renewed hope ladies!



I just received my book. It's in my hand and I am getting ready to read it.


----------



## nlamr2013

Hey ladies checking in!  God must really be about to work on me I'm either losing friends or drifting apart from them amicably left and right. Yet despite having a smaller circle I feel at peace.  Every now and then I'll feel the urge to chat but then my phone will ring with someone better.  

I've resolved to not let my feelings(not knowing anyone, having to ride the bus in my church clothes etc) get in the way of finding a church home. 

Oh also, who do you all like to watch on YouTube Christian based any topic? I recently discovered angelcheron(sp) and whatisjoedoing(sp) and definitely feel having something like that on in the background when I'm doing whatever than some of the shows on netflix.


----------



## Highly Favored8

nadaa16 said:


> Hey ladies checking in!  God must really be about to work on me I'm either losing friends or drifting apart from them amicably left and right. Yet despite having a smaller circle I feel at peace.  Every now and then I'll feel the urge to chat but then my phone will ring with someone better.
> 
> I've resolved to not let my feelings(not knowing anyone, having to ride the bus in my church clothes etc) get in the way of finding a church home.
> 
> Oh also, who do you all like to watch on YouTube Christian based any topic? I recently discovered angelcheron(sp) and whatisjoedoing(sp) and definitely feel having something like that on in the background when I'm doing whatever than some of the shows on netflix.



nadaa16 Heather Lindsey is good!


----------



## Divine.

nadaa16 said:


> Hey ladies checking in!  God must really be about to work on me I'm either losing friends or drifting apart from them amicably left and right. Yet despite having a smaller circle I feel at peace.  Every now and then I'll feel the urge to chat but then my phone will ring with someone better.  I've resolved to not let my feelings(not knowing anyone, having to ride the bus in my church clothes etc) get in the way of finding a church home.  Oh also, who do you all like to watch on YouTube Christian based any topic? I recently discovered angelcheron(sp) and whatisjoedoing(sp) and definitely feel having something like that on in the background when I'm doing whatever than some of the shows on netflix.



I like realtalkkim. I want to say that's her YouTube name as well.


----------



## Phoenix14

Pray for me yall. I'm back to being so discouraged. I've been seeing someone and he really did/does (heck Idk) to be a great man. But after some recent stumbles I'm starting to think that the right man won't be quick to stumble along the way. He would also be equally convicted of our wrongdoings. I won't have to ask him what his intentions are because they'll be apparent because he will also be actively seeking the Lord's heart.

Needless to say, my walk and prayer life fell to the wayside. It might be time to cut ties and recommit. It's even starting to get to the point where I'm frustrated and distracted at church. All I see are couples and fills me with sorrow. Am I the only one dealing with this? 

Oh, and everyone I know is getting engaged/married. Even the ones who have only been in relationships for less than a year.


----------



## Divine.

Phoenix14 said:


> Pray for me yall. I'm back to being so discouraged. I've been seeing someone and he really did/does (heck Idk) to be a great man. But after some recent stumbles I'm starting to think that the right man won't be quick to stumble along the way. He would also be equally convicted of our wrongdoings. I won't have to ask him what his intentions are because they'll be apparent because he will also be actively seeking the Lord's heart.  Needless to say, my walk and prayer life fell to the wayside. It might be time to cut ties and recommit. It's even starting to get to the point where I'm frustrated and distracted at church. All I see are couples and fills me with sorrow. Am I the only one dealing with this?  Oh, and everyone I know is getting engaged/married. Even the ones who have only been in relationships for less than a year.



You're not the only one. I'm going through the same thing kinda. The same guy I have even dealing with for the past year has been a huge stumbling block for me. 

After shutting it down with him for 100th time, he came right back  every time he comes back it messes me up and I lose focus. I start rationalizing how maybe he is the one but the timing is wrong. During the last time we spoke he claimed he was doing better. For a second that made me happy, but neither his fruit nor his actions lined up. 

Everything you said in your post is right. If you haven't set boundaries with this guy, please do. Be clear about how your interactions with him should be pushing you closer to God. People make mistakes, but if his mistakes are negatively impacting you it may be best that you take a step back. He may be a good man, but that doesn't make him a Godly man. 

Allow him to figure out his relationship with God on his own. You can be there, but you need to take a hands off approach to this. You work on yourself while he works on himself. If the relationship is toxic, by all means cut ties. Do whatever it takes so this man is not a distraction. In addition, prepare yourself for the realization that he is not the man for you. Do not bank on him changing into the man you need him to be. That's not to say it doesn't happen, but you should not put all your eggs in one basket.


----------



## nlamr2013

Highly Favored8 said:


> nadaa16 Heather Lindsey is good!



I already watch her lol! I Didn't Mention It Because I Saw It Was Mentioned upthread. Thank youuu though.


----------



## nlamr2013

Divine. said:


> I like realtalkkim. I want to say that's her YouTube name as well.



OK Thank you, I actually just realized I subscribed a while ago and I guess I forgot I havent watched any of the videos.


----------



## nlamr2013

Phoenix14 I agree with divine I've not personally Dealt with that so it may be easier said than done but if something isn't doing you good that thing needs to go. If you feel like he's leading you from Christ it's definitely time to move on.  
I want to reinforce good does not equal Godly. 
I will Def lift you in prayer but I think the fact you realize is time for change is awesome!


----------



## Phoenix14

Thank you ladies! My mother prayed for me this morning as I cried to her about how I was feeling. I truly believe that I am convicted for a reason. My convictions drive me and I am eternally grateful that the Lord has given them to me. I really don't think I can see him right now. 

My mother also confirmed what a lot of people have been telling me. It's time to open up my heart.


----------



## Sarophina

nadaa16 said:


> Hey ladies checking in!  God must really be about to work on me I'm either losing friends or drifting apart from them amicably left and right. Yet despite having a smaller circle I feel at peace.  Every now and then I'll feel the urge to chat but then my phone will ring with someone better.
> 
> I've resolved to not let my feelings(not knowing anyone, having to ride the bus in my church clothes etc) get in the way of finding a church home.
> 
> Oh also, who do you all like to watch on YouTube Christian based any topic? I recently discovered angelcheron(sp) and whatisjoedoing(sp) and definitely feel having something like that on in the background when I'm doing whatever than some of the shows on netflix.



I like TorahCents. She gives solid advice and her videos are funny as well.


----------



## Divine.

I came to a realization today. I was talking to a close friend earlier and she was expressing her feelings for a guy she's talking to. She really likes him and everything feels right. She has peace.

That's when it hit me. When the right man comes along, you won't have to question it. Period. Everything will fall in line. 

There's certain things I wish I didn't have to go through in order to get to this point. Spending time trying to rationalize with God gets you nowhere. Having peace is truly the answer to the "is he the one" question. Who knew it would be that simple?


----------



## luthiengirlie

Divine. said:


> I came to a realization today. I was talking to a close friend earlier and she was expressing her feelings for a guy she's talking to. She really likes him and everything feels right. She has peace.
> 
> That's when it hit me. When the right man comes along, you won't have to question it. Period. Everything will fall in line.
> 
> There's certain things I wish I didn't have to go through in order to get to this point. Spending time trying to rationalize with God gets you nowhere. Having peace is truly the answer to the "is he the one" question. Who knew it would be that simple?




This really hit me hard too.. Peace in everything that you do as directed by HIm.. especially married..


----------



## DreamLife

Random thoughts - A half of a man is indeed no man at all. I cannot deal with my issues and your baggage as well. Just let me move on with my life and stop trying to pull me back into your drama. 

And yep, that's exactly right what you all stated up thread...when there is no peace, it is time to go.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This is a good video from TxCutie75: http://youtu.be/vAxIClfxFms


----------



## loolalooh

Inspiration for you ladies (video from Txcutie):

"*From Girlfriend to Wife...What I learned....*"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAxIClfxFms


----------



## bellatiamarie

Ladies, some soul ties are rooted DEEP!!  Deeper than our minds can fathom.  God has been bringing some things up in the last few months that I thought I was done with over 5 years ago.  Some strongholds you have to fast and pray to the Lord for Him to TRULY release you from so that you are able to move forward in PURPOSE.  It's definitely time for me to do some serious soul searching and heart purging again.  But I thank God for bringing this up now.  I can't even begin to explain the situation to ya'll because I could literally write a whole book... and that's how I know this is a true soul tie situation.  But just know... what has been revealed to me was not by happenstance or chance.  God needs me to know what's truly going on and He needs me to know that it is HIM revealing it to me.  But I'm grateful and I praise Him for showing me the light.  I am truly breathing a sigh of relief and I urge any of you single Christian ladies that have soul ties to any man from your past to really seek God.  Seek Him!


----------



## Phoenix14

bellatiamarie  I wish I could thank this post more than once!


----------



## Divine.

bellatiamarie I believe it! Like I said before, the guy I was seeing previously keeps coming back (no matter how times I block him, tell him not to speak to me, etc.). Sometimes it's frustrating because I just want this cycle to be over. I just want him to leave me alone, disappear, something  I have prayed countless times for God to remove him and give me the strength to move forward, and nothing changes. I'm so happy you posted this because this situation has been racking my mind for months!


----------



## Phoenix14

I haven't seen the source of my soul tie in 5 years. Yet, he still pops up in dreams etc. I know that the final hump I'll have to surpass is the FALSE Belief that he's the only one who could love me the way I am. That is directly from the devil. I know that now. Now for my subconscious to get that message lol


----------



## bellatiamarie

Divine. said:


> bellatiamarie I believe it! Like I said before, the guy I was seeing previously keeps coming back (no matter how times I block him, tell him not to speak to me, etc.). Sometimes it's frustrating because I just want this cycle to be over. I just want him to leave me alone, disappear, something  I have prayed countless times for God to remove him and give me the strength to move forward, and nothing changes. I'm so happy you posted this because this situation has been racking my mind for months!



I completely understand! I've prayed as well...  but I really need to seek God for clear direction in my case.  Our connection even after not being together for over 5 years is still undeniable... He calls me every so often as well... reopening the wounds.I know the memories will remain, but I want to be able to give my whole heart to God and to my true husband when he comes along... I'm praying for clarity for all of us going through this.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Phoenix14 said:


> I haven't seen the source of my soul tie in 5 years. Yet, he still pops up in dreams etc. I know that the final hump I'll have to surpass is the FALSE Belief that he's the only one who could love me the way I am. That is directly from the devil. I know that now. Now for my subconscious to get that message lol



I know this all too well... Those dreams are powerful and I truly believe that we are even more at risk of the enermy's attacks when we're sleeping.


----------



## Maracujá

http://www.garythomas.com/singles-if-youre-not-different-youre-going-to-be-sorry/

Thought I'd share this really great post by Gary Thomas since we're on the subject of soul ties. Ladies, fasting and praying really really helps. Quentin McCall has a good video on how to break soul ties and if you do a search on our member star threads here you'll also get tons of info on fasting and how it works.


----------



## nlamr2013

Not sure if you ladies saw girlfriend to wife pt 2 by TX cutie 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up-MveWgZsk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Her pregnancy story is awesome too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xlJsMlPi4M&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Sarophina I'm just seeing your rec I'll be sure to check it out!


----------



## LoveisYou

bellatiamarie said:


> Ladies, some soul ties are rooted DEEP!!  Deeper than our minds can fathom.  God has been bringing some things up in the last few months that I thought I was done with over 5 years ago.  Some strongholds you have to fast and pray to the Lord for Him to TRULY release you from so that you are able to move forward in PURPOSE.  It's definitely time for me to do some serious soul searching and heart purging again.  But I thank God for bringing this up now.  I can't even begin to explain the situation to ya'll because I could literally write a whole book... and that's how I know this is a true soul tie situation.  But just know... what has been revealed to me was not by happenstance or chance.  God needs me to know what's truly going on and He needs me to know that it is HIM revealing it to me.  But I'm grateful and I praise Him for showing me the light.  I am truly breathing a sigh of relief and I urge any of you single Christian ladies that have soul ties to any man from your past to really seek God.  Seek Him!



bellatiamarie, when you say seek God, did you ask Him to reveal the soul ties? Did you pray for Him to remove them?


----------



## bellatiamarie

LoveisYou said:


> bellatiamarie, when you say seek God, did you ask Him to reveal the soul ties? Did you pray for Him to remove them?



Initially, no... I'd been going on about my life not giving my ex a second thought for real... matter of fact, I had his number blocked on my phone because he would place random calls to me that were annoying me.

He called me from another number in February and told me that he has a 5 month old baby. Why he felt the need to tell me that? I don't know.. But it literally tore me up... The fact that I'm single, no prospects, try to do things the right way, want a husband and kids, etc... Also, the fact that I've known this man since high school and our relationship was really my first/only and longest... that news really did something to me... I was tore up for about a month after he told me that even though the two of us have been apart for over 5 years going on 6.

My reaction to what he told me let me know that my soul had never been completely detached from his... If I had been completely free from that situation and If God had set me free I would've really been free and what he told me would've never affected me like it did. But I never did seek God to set me free and God had to show me that I never sought Him to completely disconnect me from that man... Here I am almost 6 years later working through a soul tie that I thought was done and over with... now I'm really seeking God to loosen that soul tie so that I can connect to the one that's really meant for me when the time is right.


----------



## LoveisYou

bellatiamarie, thanks for sharing! That's a testimony indeed. It took me years to get over my ex so I understand. I had to pray and ask God to remove that soul tie.


----------



## Divine.

Lately I feel like God has been prompting me to work on certain areas in my life. For example, I have been cooking more, cleaning more, and working on my finances. I have even been working on my appearance. I kicked Forever 21 to the curb for more flattering items at New York and Co and Limited. Although my avi proves otherwise, I actually hate primping myself during the week (that goes for hair, makeup, AND clothes). I am now more cognizant of my appearance and I take pride in looking good.

I'm kind of practicing my duties as a wife now. I'm glad that I am doing this because I am realizing it's much harder to do on a consistent basis than I thought. Now I do it for kicks, but when I get married cooking, cleaning, and being a helpmeet to my husband is going to be my full time job. 

Emotionally we may be ready for a husband, but spiritually and physically what are we bringing to the table? I highly encourage you ladies to work on yourselves in all areas of your life. Wives are the body and husbands are the head. We should be elevating and supporting our men. Not looking  to men to save us. Let's save ourselves and work on becoming an essential asset to our future husbands.


----------



## nlamr2013

1. The forever21 comment is funny to me because recently I watched YouTube and the girl was like how f21 was her favorite store and her so said but you're not 21. He could have been acting but he seemed so serious in his belief that you should shop at f21 until you're 21. 
Also idk if you've ever heard of zara but they're like a point in between f21 and nyco (nyco I feel like I'm always dressed for the office because they only really sell business cas their sales are on point though) also hm business cas section is nice and fairly well made.  As well as the usual suspects of Ross, Marshalls, and Tj Maxx especially for nice modest yet super cute yet transformable from work to dinner dresses. Lol and clearly the department stores (macys, jcp, dillards all have excellent sales racks and Sears actually isn't expensive usually)

^^I'm sure you probably already know all this but just in case! Save yourself some money honey. Lol the few times I've walked in the limited I nearly passes out. (However I JUST shashayed over to their site and see this 40% off sitewide coupon. Let me slide some things in my cart right quick   they didn't have sales like this when I used to look)


But yes I do believe in buying quality clothing items (as well as everything else) it makes you feel better because the terms fit better, last longer, and are so nicely made that you feel like the royalty you are!  

I agree also with your last statement. Better yourself not just for a husband but just because.


----------



## Divine.

Let me clarify: I only shop at these places when there is a sale  I stopped shopping in Forever 21 because my style has changed, not because I'm above shopping there. I feel like some of their clothes make me look "young" and I want to look more classy, you know? And I want my clothes to last longer. I work in a business environment, so I fare better at New York and Co, Express, and Limited when looking for appropriate attire.

I'll buy a few tops here and there and some jewelry from Forever 21 but that's probably the extent of my time in that store. I don't fit most of their pants anyways  I don't pay full price for anything so I frequently go to TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and Ross. Zara very rarely has sales so I don't go in there at all 

I'm only speaking for myself  I'm not saying don't shop at Forever 21  Just for me, personally, I would like to look more mature and professional. I think I'm over my hipster phase lol



nadaa16 said:


> 1. The forever21 comment is funny to me because recently I watched YouTube and the girl was like how f21 was her favorite store and her so said but you're not 21. He could have been acting but he seemed so serious in his belief that you should shop at f21 until you're 21.
> Also idk if you've ever heard of zara but they're like a point in between f21 and nyco (nyco I feel like I'm always dressed for the office because they only really sell business cas their sales are on point though) also hm business cas section is nice and fairly well made.  As well as the usual suspects of Ross, Marshalls, and Tj Maxx especially for nice modest yet super cute yet transformable from work to dinner dresses. Lol and clearly the department stores (macys, jcp, dillards all have excellent sales racks and Sears actually isn't expensive usually)
> 
> ^^I'm sure you probably already know all this but just in case! Save yourself some money honey. Lol the few times I've walked in the limited I nearly passes out. (However I JUST shashayed over to their site and see this 40% off sitewide coupon. Let me slide some things in my cart right quick   they didn't have sales like this when I used to look)
> 
> 
> But yes I do believe in buying quality clothing items (as well as everything else) it makes you feel better because the terms fit better, last longer, and are so nicely made that you feel like the royalty you are!
> 
> I agree also with your last statement. Better yourself not just for a husband but just because.


----------



## nlamr2013

Divine. said:


> Let me clarify: I only shop at these places when there is a sale  I stopped shopping in Forever 21 because my style has changed, not because I'm above shopping there. I feel like some of their clothes make me look "young" and I want to look more classy, you know? And I want my clothes to last longer. I work in a business environment, so I fare better at New York and Co, Express, and Limited when looking for appropriate attire.
> 
> I'll buy a few tops here and there and some jewelry from Forever 21 but that's probably the extent of my time in that store. I don't fit most of their pants anyways  I don't pay full price for anything so I frequently go to TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and Ross. Zara very rarely has sales so I don't go in there at all
> 
> I'm only speaking for myself  I'm not saying don't shop at Forever 21  Just for me, personally, I would like to look more mature and professional. I think I'm over my hipster phase lol



ITA!  F21 is more trendy to me and I'm not a trendy dresser


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I ended up reading Remember the Roses. It was ok but I was shocked at the section where she talks about celebrating the "marriage" between two gay friends.  l was not expecting that in a book written by a Christian author. Not to mention she ended up marrying a divorced man. Those two things jumped out at me and would like to warn anyone else who might consider purchasing the book.


----------



## LoveisYou

I like Heather Lindsey's style, tis all


----------



## Phoenix14

I'm feeling so discouraged. I'm almost afraid to be attracted to anyone. I'm happiest when I'm not crushing on anyone. That probably doesn't even make sense lol.


Testimony: I joined my local Pinky Promise group and we've already been regular contact via GroupMe, IG, and will be meeting up soon


----------



## Maracujá

Phoenix14 said:


> I'm feeling so discouraged. I'm almost afraid to be attracted to anyone.* I'm happiest when I'm not crushing on anyone. That probably doesn't even make sense lol.*
> 
> 
> Testimony: I joined my local Pinky Promise group and we've already been regular contact via GroupMe, IG, and will be meeting up soon



It makes sense .


----------



## Phoenix14

Maracujá said:


> It makes sense .



PLEASE DON'T QUOTE

I think it's because for the first time that I can even remember, I like someone and the feelings aren't returned. He's a member of my church. I spend time with his family about once a week or so (I'm friends with his siblings as well) and it's almost like the more I'm around him the more attracted I am to him (and none of it is physical). Even just the way he prays makes me like him.

I haven't and will not express how I feel because I truly believe that if God wants us together He'll nudge him to make the first move. Until then I'll just enjoy the time I spend with his family (they really have made me feel like I'm back at home with my own family and friends). I pray for him and for myself that if it be God's will, that it will happen the RIGHT way. I also pray (this is more recently) that if God doesn't want this then please to rid my heart of its affection for him. Because at this point it sometimes hurts to see him at church, at dinner, etc. knowing that I'm just over here hugging my bible and pining lol.


----------



## Kacie

This "I am Woman of Purpose" panel was interesting. Heather preaches after the panel is over.  Warning:  There is an aggravating automated announcement that comes on every minute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7ZkSCeF0Es


----------



## LoveisYou

From Today 's sermon, the order of relationships:

1. Relationship with God
2. Relationship with yourself
3. Relationship with others

Our relationship with God and ourselves, sets the stage for our relationship with others.


----------



## stephluv

Over the weekend the Lord was just letting me know to wait!  I spoke about not worrying at my friend church for their youth night Friday, Saturday had a meeting and we discussed about identity and how do we define ourselves in Christ and then we had a discussion about Submission on Sunday at my church among the youth. Very interesting weekend for me as I was in conversation with the Lord.


----------



## Divine.

Sometimes I wonder what God has up His sleeves. I always imagined my love story to turn out like Heather and Cornelius  but now I'm really curious to see how it will come together. I don't even know what He's cooking for my love life.


----------



## nlamr2013

Phoenix14 said:


> I'm feeling so discouraged. I'm almost afraid to be attracted to anyone. I'm happiest when I'm not crushing on anyone. That probably doesn't even make sense lol.
> 
> Testimony: I joined my local Pinky Promise group and we've already been regular contact via GroupMe, IG, and will be meeting up soon



I'm so jeljel the chapter where I'm located currently is very lax we haven't had a proposed meeting since like feb


----------



## Phoenix14

nadaa16 said:


> I'm so jeljel the chapter where I'm located currently is very lax we haven't had a proposed meeting since like feb




Why don't you push for a meeting? My group has had a brunch, been to an open mic and is planning a movie date and some local concerts, a conference and random meetups in addition to your monthly bible study/meeting .

I think it's about building a relationship with them outside of a monthly meeting.


----------



## nlamr2013

Phoenix14 said:


> Why don't you push for a meeting? My group has had a brunch, been to an open mic and is planning a movie date and some local concerts, a conference and random meetups in addition to your monthly bible study/meeting .
> 
> I think it's about building a relationship with them outside of a monthly meeting.



Yeah I think creator is really busy and Idk if they have a board but I know I'm also too busy to coordinate everything. So Idk what to do. I'm moving soon though anyway so I just dk


----------



## Phoenix14

nadaa16 said:


> Yeah I think creator is really busy and Idk if they have a board but I know I'm also too busy to coordinate everything. So Idk what to do. I'm moving soon though anyway so I just dk



ok. contact the group in the city you're moving to


----------



## Maracujá

Hope this is not too intrusive of a question but ladies what are your living arrangements? Right now I live solo and I enjoy it for the most part but I'm seriously considering getting a roommate. I don't know what God has planned for me but there are also living arrangements like in the tv series 'Melrose Place' where different families live together in apartments that are clustered together and share laundry chores, eat together,...etc. Earlier this year we shared how a few of us were having a hard time financially, how are things going now? Oh and just wanted to share this post with amazing tips for us single ladies concerning our finances (never mind me, today is my 'money date day' ). 



> As a single parent, I always ask older ladies for advice and words of wisdom about how they handle their finances. One lady in particular Miss Minnie, who I visit was a close friend of my grandmother's. Miss Minnie is 103 years old. Although her eyesight is beginning to fail, her mind is tack sharp. In her own words, she raised nine children on little more than spit and polish. Miss Minnie was in her favorite place, the family room of the beautiful home she shares with one of her
> daughter’ s and son-in-law. When I asked her to give her views about growing up "poor", she smiled and told me to rest my feet. Miss Minnie is one of ten children herself, she raised nine children during the depression on one of the poorest farms in the area. Eight of her children are still living - two doctors, two lawyers, three teachers and an engineer. Miss Minnie told me to, "Consider this my pep talk for the day".
> 
> She said "Being poor is the ultimate opportunity handed a person. Being poor is no excuse for being filthy and uneducated. You have access to the same libraries, soap and water and schools that others do. Being poor is no excuse for living in a dirty house and wearing dirty clothes. Being poor is no excuse for living surrounded by clutter and garbage. Being poor means that, if you can't presently afford university/college, you can educate yourself until such times as that goal is within your reach.
> 
> Being poor means being surrounded by necessities. Being rich means being surrounded by "things". Being rich you can buy perceived happiness. Being poor you make happiness happen. Some are born with a silver spoon in their mouths and some have to go looking for it. They end up better people for chasing after that silver spoon, because they've had to learn valuable lessons along the way. Sometimes they turn that silver spoon into one of solid gold. Being poor means you start at the bottom and work your way up. Being rich means you start at the top and slide your way down. It's harder to work your way up, but the trip is worth the effort. You'll never forget what you learned along the way. You rarely slide your way down again. Being poor means you have to give back to life, you have something to look up to, something to achieve. Being rich means you are always looking down. For some being rich means that rather than earn achievements, you try to buy them. People need to stop saying I'm poor, poor, poor. Pretty soon they'll begin to believe it. Start saying I am at a temporary financial disadvantage right now. I can do something about it.
> 
> Stop saying I can't even afford to put food on the table. My family ate potatoes three times a day for more than eight years and look at us today. I'm 103. All my children would still be alive if Hoyt (her son) hadn't gone skiing at age seventy-four and cracked his skull.
> 
> Stop saying the government has to do this for me, the government has to do that for me. The government does not have to pull you up by your bootstraps. You are master of your own destiny, digger of your own rut. Destiny can be altered. Ruts are filled all the time. If you lie in yours too long, someone will bury you in it. Self pity is the cruelest form of poverty because it is in your mind.
> 
> If you don't like the word poor, just substitute that fancy new term "financially challenged". Keeping up with the Jones's is a game you cannot ever win. Never spend more than you make. Save a bit from everything you make - one penny today, two tomorrow. Tuck the money away and forget you ever saw it come into the house. My children went to university on money we tucked away, and good hard work on their part to make it happen. They never heard us say "we're poor" - "we can't do it". We said that it might take awhile, but if that is what you truly want, it is achievable".
> 
> Ladies, Miss Minnie did stop to take a breath, she asked what I was going to do with the information. I told her it was going on the Internet to be read by hundreds of people.
> 
> She told me "They'll say. Times changed. She's an old woman living in the past. She is not in touch with reality. Well, tell them that when it comes right down to the crunch there are only six basics that are really important - a roof over their heads however slanted or leaky it might be, something to put in their tummy however boring it tastes, clean water, soap, heat in a cold country, and love of life and family". Her parting shot was - " Tell them too that if they can afford a computer to read this, they are definitely not poor as I understand the term".
> 
> Miss Minnie always gets the last word.
> 
> I love our Seniors…they really help us all keep things in perspective, and I sure know where Miss Minnie is coming from. Though I had a decent upbringing, there was no silver spoon awaiting my birth.



Link: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=9322140&postcount=1

Wish you all a good week


----------



## nlamr2013

Right now I'm loving in an apartment owned by my school. I have 3 roommates. All apartments costs were covered in tuition. 

After classes are over I'll probably go live at home while I work to save money for when I go back to school. 

I am working on my money managing skills now while I have none so that when I actually have some I'll know how to control it.  I Know I have issues with saving and not catering to my every financial whim.


----------



## Phoenix14

I live alone now. I've always hated living with other people. Sharing a room etc. I would be miserable having a roommate. I love the silence. 

I've been spending time with my local Pinky Promise Group and I love these ladies! We have an ongoing GroupMe chat. We meet up to work out, get brunch, church, and various events around the city. We have an instagram page too. I'm glad I bit the bullet and joined.


----------



## nlamr2013

^speaking of any ladies here from Charlotte I'm looking into the pp group there and don't really see anything.  Maybe I could reboot the group I should have more availability then.


----------



## nlamr2013

Oh hey Phoenix14 I see your location is Houston did you go to the canvas?


----------



## Divine.

Maracujá I live with my parents right now  Although it's not my ideal situation, it just makes sense. The cost of living is way too high at my current salary. Plus I have loans, taxes, and other bills to take care of. I don't need rent on top of that 

Things have gotten better financially, but I'm still unsure of where to go next. I'm just using this time to save. In general, life is just not going the way I had planned but I'm eager to see where God takes me.


----------



## Phoenix14

nlamr2013 said:


> Oh hey Phoenix14 I see your location is Houston did you go to the canvas?



Yes I did! It was awesome. Were you there?


----------



## nlamr2013

Phoenix14 said:


> Yes I did! It was awesome. Were you there?



Lol girl no I'm in nc. But I saw some people from p4cm and whatisjoedoing promoting lol


----------



## Divine.

deleted...


----------



## nlamr2013

We don't love and follow God to 'have something to show' you love God and follow Him and trust Him to Love, follow, and trust Him. Maybe He's trying to work on your heart if you're feeling defeated because you feel you have nothing to show for 'doing the right thing'

But I pray you find someone to speak with! If you want you can pm me. I would advise seeking a faithbased mentor


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Divine. I have been feeling that way lately. I spoke to a priest yesterday and he encouraged me to keep saying "Jesus I trust in you." God has a plan for all of us.


----------



## Phoenix14

This is your wilderness. Don't lose faith now! Stay strong! Love and Praise through your doubt! Praise him anyway. Think about how the Lord has shown how much He loves you in the past. You're almost there. You are almost at your breakthrough. Don't be like the children of Israel. It took them 40years to make a 7 day journey because they doubted the Lord. Allow your faith to show out and show off.


----------



## Divine.

Thanks everyone! I really had a moment of weakness yesterday and I just needed to get that out of my system. Today is a new day, and I'm going to continue putting my trust in God. I regularly listen to Cornelius Lindsey (love him!) and there was a sermon he preached months ago that resonated with me. I listened to it before, but today the words truly spoke to me. For anyone going through this wilderness period I highly recommend listening to this sermon: http://www.thegonow.com/sermon/livestream-20/

_This God–his way is perfect;the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him._ *Psalm 18:30*


----------



## Haddasah

I haven't posted here in awhile. Reading through the last few pages has me so encouraged. I need to love myself first before someone can love me, I have always battled with my self esteem since a very young age (5 yrs old maybe) about 5 years  ago things got better but I have my down times every so often...I want to see myself as I truly am, a daughter of the Most High King, but sometimes I lose the vision. My biggest fight is going to be loving myself and stopping being my own enemy...I want a husband but I need to cherish who I am first.


----------



## Divine.

deleted...


----------



## Maracujá

How has the week been? Mine was OK. Sorry I keep bombarding y'all with questions but yes I have another one: how do your brothers and sisters from church react to your perpetual singleness? My singleness is starting to become somewhat of a problem at my church, meaning people are taking more and more notice of it which actually bothers me since I'm an introvert and prefer keeping things to myself. Also after being single for nearly a decade and devouring blog upon blog on the topic, I'm starting to feel at ease with my current marital status. Why people just casually forget that Jesus was single the entire time He was on earth and that most of the New Testament was written by a single man is beyond me.


----------



## LiftedUp

^ I don't understand why people at your church are concerned about your singleness.  Unless they're setting you up with their "nice son" or "nephew who is such a great guy" or their "neighbour who would be so perfect for you" they need to stop gossiping.

Anyway, no one seems to care that I'm single.  If I was committing adultery or something they would feel the need to counsel me, seriously  but marital status, no.  

Now I would wish that some of them set me up with their accomplished sons.  I have some good people at my church with some _good_ offspring.  But, people aren't in your business like that.


----------



## DreamLife

Maracuja...at my old church I felt kind of awkward being single in a church full of young married folks but like LiftedUp said, if they weren't trying to hook me up I still felt awkward but eventually stopped caring. It's sad that churches sometimes have that atmosphere where they just aren't conducive to a person being comfortable in their singleness. I totally understand.


----------



## Sarophina

I agree with LiftedUp, I don't mind people being concerned with my singleness, if they are going to set me up, lol. If they have a good son, nephew, cousin, neighbor etc, that they think would be a great match for me, then by all means  inquire about my relationship status. However, just pointing out that I'm single, only causes me to struggle with contentment. 

But, I think your church members mean well tho.


----------



## momi

I am notorious for this - but only with the guys. I'm forever asking when they plan to "find a wife". 
Hmmmm....  Maybe I should discontinue this practice.


----------



## JaneBond007

Pray for me, y'all.  I'm to the point of trying to figure out some characteristics I need in a mate.  A little later on, I'll explain.  Just pray that G-d shows me the way.


----------



## Maracujá

momi said:


> I am notorious for this - but only with the guys. I'm forever asking when they plan to "find a wife".
> Hmmmm....  Maybe I should discontinue this practice.



momi: you're going to the ones who should be doing the pursuing, that is the correct way to do it.


----------



## LiftedUp

momi said:


> I am notorious for this - but only with the guys. I'm forever asking when they plan to "find a wife".
> Hmmmm....  Maybe I should discontinue this practice.




Please continue to encourage them, some of us (me) aren't single by choice .  I feel the men are though


----------



## momi

LiftedUp said:


> Please continue to encourage them, some of us (me) aren't single by choice .  I feel the men are though



Do you know what they tell me????  

I'm looking Ms. "Momi".  They claim to be looking and unable to find anyone worth marrying.  It's just a major head scratch to me.


----------



## LoveisYou

Most Christian men I meet (many as friends and there's no interest on my part) acknowledge that they have no interest in practicing celibacy.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Men seem so obsessed with "hotness." I think they have lost touch with what a real, beautiful, feminine, modest woman looks like. Also being around people talking about "hooking up" is depressing. Where are the men looking for something more???


----------



## Phoenix14

Do you believe that the Lord will unveil your eyes to your Adam and vice versa at the opportune time? 

I've come to realize that I don't know what Godly courtship looks or feels like. I keep expecting him to try to get at me. Instead I get the "lets do a group thing with the family" and hey if we're hanging out lets keep doors open and everything super PG. I don't even know if it counts as interest. 

So I pray that Lord, as you teach me to wait on you and your Adam, teach me what Godly courtship looks like. Keep me from being a stumbling block to my future SO or designated one and that we both remain pure as we endeavor to seek Your kingdom first.


----------



## nlamr2013

^I personally do. I understand what you mean about not knowing whether the guy is eing friendly or trying to court you. Honestly though God is not an author of confusion so if youre confused about the situation I'd say either God is letting you know this isnt the time or this isnt the person or both. lol you should be clear that youre being courted because courtship is leading to marriage lol

However, yes I believe courting, especially when one or both of you has ever struggled with sexual sin, should be done out in the open where you can be seen and held accountable.  so family events, public things, no closed doors, no spending the night in the same room, no late night movies etc


----------



## nlamr2013

LoveisYou said:


> Most Christian men I meet (many as friends and there's no interest on my part) acknowledge that they have no interest in practicing celibacy.





Belle Du Jour said:


> Men seem so obsessed with "hotness." I think they have lost touch with what a real, beautiful, feminine, modest woman looks like. Also being around people talking about "hooking up" is depressing. Where are the men looking for something more???



maybe you ladies could find meetup groups for like minded thinkers because thats crazy that you both feel the, I assume, men in your church arent trying to be pure. while yes there always seems to be more women vocal about celibacy, and practicing celibacy, I do know some men who really struggle with it or who are believers in waiting. if you can not find anything in your area perhaps find something not in your area just to see that yes there are many men willing to uphold biblical standards and principles even if only to restore you knowledge that theyre out there.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

nlamr2013 said:


> maybe you ladies could find meetup groups for like minded thinkers because thats crazy that you both feel the, I assume, men in your church arent trying to be pure. while yes there always seems to be more women vocal about celibacy, and practicing celibacy, I do know some men who really struggle with it or who are believers in waiting. if you can not find anything in your area perhaps find something not in your area just to see that yes there are many men willing to uphold biblical standards and principles even if only to restore you knowledge that theyre out there.



I do believe there are men like that out there.  I happened to be hanging out with secular people this weekend  and was turned off by this obsession with "hotness."  I know there are chaste men out there.  I'm waiting patiently for mine.  Just trying to find the best places to position myself in.


----------



## bellatiamarie

I changed my phone number today.  I've been saying since I found out my ex had a baby that I needed to change my number.  Well, I finally did it today! I actually feel good about my decision.  I had that number for almost 10 years and so much of my past was connected to that number including him.  He lives half way across the country so the phone and FB are really the only modes of communication he has with me (I deactivated my FB account last week).

I've known about the baby since February and I should've changed it then but I was very apprehensive because I've had it so long.  I had his number on block but he would call from every number he could get a hold of and I got tired of that game. He text me today and brought up so much from the past and that's what the devil does... He tries to throw your past in your face to keep you bound but the word says whom the Son sets free is free indeed and any man be in Christ is a new creature; old things are passed away and He makes everything new!

Long story short, I ended that text convo by wishing him well and I called my provider and changed the number and haven't thought twice about it since.  I really felt like it was time to change the number because he was still calling and because I would continuously check the phone for missed calls/texts from him or from other guys from my past.  Now, it's like the slate is clean... The only people that have my number are people that I want to have it.  I really feel like I can breathe easier now... Almost like a weight has been lifted. 

I needed to free up some space in my heart for Jesus and the husband that God has for me.  I'm going to be 30 in October and it's time for me to start setting the tone for my thirties by setting boundaries and getting rid of baggage.  It's so funny because yesterday at church I praised God like I was out of my mind literally and didn't know why but now I know!

In other news, I'm in the beginning phases of purchasing a home.  I'm truly grateful for all His favor and blessings upon my life.  He keeps fulfilling promises to me even though I'm not perfect and y'all I'm so grateful! I'm definitely glad I changed my number and I'm truly ready to move on and see what He has in store for me!


----------



## Divine.

I decided I'm not going to waste another second of my singleness. A lot of things have been transpiring in my personal life lately so it's been a little difficult to smile through it all. But I know what God has delivered me from and I'm going to use that to keep me motivated. 

I'm going to use this time to get busy in God's work. I have been devoting too much of my time to myself and laziness and that needs to change. There's so much abundance in this life that we miss out on just passively waiting. I want to go out with friends, start a hobby, help minister to people, and just exude God's love on a daily basis. 

I know that my opinion may not matter as much because I'm quite young (23). However I fully understand how tough waiting can be because I have never been in a relationship. The only thing I know when it comes to relationships is hurt and disappointment. 

I just want to encourage all of you ladies to continue pursuing God even if it feels like He has forgotten about you. Don't suppress your desires for a spouse but don't let them consume you either. I want to see some testimonies come out of this thread  I'm already certain God is going to do more than I can ever imagine 

Sorry to ramble. I just place different things on my heart here.


----------



## nlamr2013

Have any of you ladies read a Mary heart in a Martha world?  I'm enjoying it so far. 

Oh wow that took a lot I've had my number for 6 years and would have to be physically forced to change it.  

And divine ikwym I feel like sometimes people ask me for advice just to ignore it or tell me I don't know because I've never had a serious relationship or an 'intimate' one. And I'm thinking did God not use Jeremiah better recognize.  Sometimes a fresh unjaded perspective is just what the doc ordered.


----------



## Divine.

nlamr2013 said:


> Have any of you ladies read a Mary heart in a Martha world?



I have never read that book. What is it about?


----------



## nlamr2013

Divine. said:


> I have never read that book. What is it about?



It was recommended by a prayer group Im in by a few people its about sisters Mary and Martha from Luke 10:38-42 


> At the Home of Martha and Mary
> 
> 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
> 
> 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”



 I'm only a few chapters in but so far its just been about how sometimes we get so focused on life and what we 'have' to do right now for the world that we forget about what we need to do for our spirits and thats sit at the feet of the Lord.


----------



## loolalooh

Godsgirlg got married!!  I've been following her on YouTube for a while now ... during her single hood videos.  Here's part I of her testimony:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbd-evE1hKU


----------



## DreamLife

loolalooh said:


> Godsgirlg got married!!  I've been following her on YouTube for a while now ... during her single hood videos.  Here's part I of her testimony:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbd-evE1hKU



I've watched her videos...thanks for the update!


----------



## nlamr2013

Shimmie posted this in another thread and I've been looking through and the blog is interesting (ive only read 2 links so far though) thought it was worth posting especially in this thread


----------



## Kacie

nlamr2013 What blog is it?


----------



## nlamr2013

I thought I posted the link sorry! hold pleaase 

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2007/biblical-dating-principles-for-drawing-boundaries

this is the actual article but Ive clicked around a bit and enjoy the site. 



Kacie said:


> nlamr2013 What blog is it?


----------



## Maracujá

> After about 6 months of being married, I realized something that I pray every unmarried person will take very serious.  *Every second I spent before I said I do, was preparation for marriage. * All the things I accomplished and all the things I failed to do contributed to my present day marriage.  Before I married, I was a huge proponent for preparing for marriage. But now that I am married, I cannot stress how important it is to prepare for the covenant that changes everything.



Link: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2014/05/25-ways-other-than-dating-to-prepare-for-marriage/


----------



## LoveisYou

Maracujá said:


> Link: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2014/05/25-ways-other-than-dating-to-prepare-for-marriage/



ERRRRRR....sounds like the desire to get marriage was an idol of sorts


----------



## Maracujá

LoveisYou said:


> ERRRRRR....sounds like the desire to get marriage was an idol of sorts



LoveisYou: could you be more specific please?


----------



## LoveisYou

Maracujá said:


> LoveisYou: could you be more specific please?



Maracuja, I never want to get to the point where "everything" I do is in preparation for marriage. I want to get to a place in life where everything I do is to glorify God. Marriage is but one way to worship God and bring Him glory, it's definitely not the only way. 

In other words I don't want my life to be consumed by the idea of marriage, there's so much MORE to life than that.


----------



## Maracujá

LoveisYou said:


> Maracuja, I never want to get to the point where "everything" I do is in preparation for marriage. I want to get to a place in life where everything I do is to glorify God. Marriage is but one way to worship God and bring Him glory, it's definitely not the only way.
> 
> In other words I don't want my life to be consumed by the idea of marriage, there's so much MORE to life than that.



LoveisYou: I see it this way: even as a single right now, if I master these tips that he is giving I will ultimately be ready for The Wedding that is to take place and while here on earth I'll be an all around pleasant person and friend. I def understand your point though.


----------



## JaneBond007

Honestly, though, other cultures don't view preparation this way.  You are basically born to grow up, marry, have kids and carry on the lineage.  To me, this seems like just another negativism on Blacks marrying, esp. for the U.S.  For it to be an "idol," imho, you'd have to worship it.  Prep and being just as serious as we are to prepare our financial portfolios is wise.  That's just me, though.  I do comprehend being emotionally and spiritually balanced.  But I see so much in the Black community trying to prevent Black women from walking down that aisle.


----------



## LoveisYou

JaneBond007 said:


> Honestly, though, other cultures don't view preparation this way.  You are basically born to grow up, marry, have kids and carry on the lineage.  To me, this seems like just another negativism on Blacks marrying, esp. for the U.S.  For it to be an "idol," imho, you'd have to worship it.  Prep and being just as serious as we are to prepare our financial portfolios is wise.  That's just me, though.  I do comprehend being emotionally and spiritually balanced.  But I see so much in the Black community trying to prevent Black women from walking down that aisle.



No one is trying to prevent me from getting married, I belong to a family and social group that value marriage. I value marriage, based on my spiritual and social belief system. I don't ascribe to generalized "black community" ideology, I believe the Bible is truth.

You don't have to literally worship something for it to be an idol in your life. If you are all consumed by anything, it is an idol.  I didn't say we shouldn't prepare for marriage,  this is not an extreme anti-marriage viewpoint. I said we shouldn't become all consumed with the idea of getting married. Prepare for marriage, but be balanced. Know that there is more to life, know that your marital status doesn't define you as a child of God. Personally, I am in preparation for marriage, but I am not all consumed by it. 

There isn't any marriage bashing  in anything I wrote.


----------



## Maracujá

^^^That may also be one of the differences in how you view the article, I don't come from a background where marriage is valued...at all. So to me this is great information.


----------



## JaneBond007

Edited..............my fatal flaw, trying to explain to within an inch of my life.   Shouldn't do that.  LoveisYou  I'll say that you miscomprehended and took it personally when it was a generalization based upon other threads touching upon something similar. None of it was to reference you personally in any way.  Please take it as a general comment to the topic itself.  We're all giving perspectives that do not necessarily come from our own family practices.


----------



## LoveisYou

JaneBond007 said:


> Edited..............my fatal flaw, trying to explain to within an inch of my life.   Shouldn't do that.  LoveisYou  I'll say that you miscomprehended and took it personally when it was a generalization based upon other threads touching upon something similar. None of it was to reference you personally in any way.  Please take it as a general comment to the topic itself.  We're all giving perspectives that do not necessarily come from our own family practices.



We're having a discussion, it's possible I misinterpreted what you meant, I saw your original post, thank you for clarifying. 

I don't think it's a fatal flaw to clarify something.


----------



## LoveisYou

Maracujá said:


> ^^^That may also be one of the differences in how you view the article, I don't come from a background where marriage is valued...at all. So to me this is great information.



Yes, our experiences color our viewpoints. I WOULD NOT recommend this article to anyone.


----------



## Divine.

LoveisYou said:


> Yes, our experiences color our viewpoints. I WOULD NOT recommend this article to anyone.



I think you may be taking the article way too literal. When I read it, I got the impression that in hindsight the author realized a lot of the things she did when she was single prepared her for marriage. I read through the list and I already do most of the things listed because I'm always finding ways to grow. I think the article has value because most of us don't have a clue what marriage is like. And from what I hear, marriage is much harder than it looks. Many of the things we go through now will prep us for the challenges of marriage whether we consciously realize it or not. I think the author is just making it more plain. If anything, I think the list serves as a good foundation for becoming a well rounded Christian woman. Not just a lists of do's to snag a husband.


----------



## LoveisYou

Divine. said:


> I think you may be taking the article way too literal. When I read it, I got the impression that in hindsight the author realized a lot of the things she did when she was single prepared her for marriage. I read through the list and I already do most of the things listed because I'm always finding ways to grow. I think the article has value because most of us don't have a clue what marriage is like. And from what I hear, marriage is much harder than it looks. Many of the things we go through now will prep us for the challenges of marriage whether we consciously realize it or not. I think the author is just making it more plain. If anything, I think the list serves as a good foundation for becoming a well rounded Christian woman. Not just a lists of do's to snag a husband.



Again, perception is everything. We read the article differently.

I don't think the article is "wrong" however the first premise that everything you do is in preparation for marriage is questionable ...TO ME.

Everything I do is SO MUCH MORE than that.


----------



## JaneBond007

I believe no. 5 should have been no. 1, actually, "Establish the foundation of God’s purpose for your life."  Working hard, getting an education, keeping a healthy lifestyle and fostering good relationships with all around you is a general preparation for a good person.  This article is geared towards the marriage minded so I actually agree with the article.  We do so much more in life and long before we even desire the vocation of marriage.  What is our very purpose?  But in looking back, being the best we can be eventually turned into training for marriage for some.


----------



## nlamr2013

Maracujá said:


> LoveisYou: I see it this way: even as a single right now, if I master these tips that he is giving I will ultimately be ready for The Wedding that is to take place and while here on earth I'll be an all around pleasant person and friend. I def understand your point though.



Hmm imo those tips alone would not adequately prepare you for marriage. The author of the article was only 6 months into his marriage when he wrote that. Maybe though I'm just not fond of those hone size fits all type lists lol

Also I kind of see where saying and thinking everything you do is in prep for marriage makes marriage an idol.


----------



## LoveisYou

nlamr2013 said:


> Hmm imo those tips alone would not adequately prepare you for marriage. The author of the article was only 6 months into his marriage when he wrote that. Maybe though I'm just not fond of those hone size fits all type lists lol
> 
> *Also I kind of see where saying and thinking everything you do is in prep for marriage makes marriage an idol*.



.....and what if someone doesn't get married (even if they really really want to) does it mean that their actions don't have value?


----------



## nlamr2013

what I originally came in here to say was that it is clearly wedding season again.  So many people have gotten engaged recently.  It's so cute but a bit annoying because I feel like I'm being bombarded when I'm trying to make sure that I don't make marriage an Idol (ie imagining my married life when im not engaged or even really dating) which is easy for a young woman to do. 
Ironic that the tone of the thread is what it is.


----------



## nlamr2013

LoveisYou said:


> .....and what if someone doesn't get married (even if they really really want to) does it mean that their actions don't have value?



Right. As an analogy it's a bit like saying everything you do in high school is in prep for college. 
This is flawed because if you don't plan to go to college you still must go to high school. However, once you're in college you realize the things you did in high school prepared you for college by its design. 
So living a full life as a Christian young adult by design does happen to prepare you for marriage since those called to be married are done as such to help bring glory to God, but this is not the purpose of living life for Christ. 

Lol did I get confusing?


----------



## JaneBond007

In my faith, living one's life for Christ is absolutely done through marriage.  It's done through whichever vocation in life one is called to and fulfills.  Marriage and family are so important, we are constantly reminded of the relationship between Jesus and His Mother, and His earthly father, Joseph.  The Holy Family is highly esteemed and provides our example of how to live out the faith.  A priest is Father to the congregation.  Nuns are holy mothers to the order, sisters to the community of faith and laymen.  It's one big marriage with a whole lotta kids.  And of course, the symbolism of the Church as bride and Jesus as groom has many levels of spiritual meaning.  Marriage is probably the highest standard.  That does not mean everyone will be married nor that he/she is not as worthy, though.  It's basically the first commandment..."be fruitful and multiply." If you think about it, we are invited in G-d's creation, an on-going creation of the world. That cannot be wholly fulfilled through His plan without marriage.  So, the relationships developing before and during the marriage can reflect a high spiritual level.


----------



## Divine.

I totally just realized the author was a man  Oops!


----------



## phynestone

I was just reminded of why women should never lower their standards.


----------



## LoveisYou

Beautiful testimony, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn0QDYxZYpw

I watched all 10 parts


----------



## LiftedUp

@belle_Du_Jour

I transferred my "guy talk" here lol.  I met a "good Catholic guy" and now I'm freaking out, not in a good way.  I knew him before and we didn't speak for years and just reconnected.  

We actually attend the church of the same name except his is a Catholic church.

But anyway, I just wanted to say that God does answer prayers and this this just a reaffirmation of that.  For some reason I get my "guy prayers" answered directly, too directly, not necessarily on my time though lol.  I'll see if what he wants from this.  Maybe it's just to increase my faith .

Anyway, my drawn out post was to just give you hope that they're out there!  I may still go to the Corpus Christi event.


----------



## bellatiamarie

LoveisYou said:


> Beautiful testimony, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn0QDYxZYpw
> 
> I watched all 10 parts



LoveisYou Thank you for sharing!! This blessed me incredibly!! I came across this series of videos a couple years ago and never watched more than the first few minutes of the first video... I guess I wasn't ready to receive what was being presented at that time.

I sat here tonight and watched all 10 videos as well and their individual and collective testimonies blessed my soul and gave me just what I needed! Thanks again!!


----------



## Divine.

LoveisYou said:


> Beautiful testimony, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn0QDYxZYpw  I watched all 10 parts



I love these two! I started following them last year. Nicole's channel has truly been a blessing to me. I think because I relate to her testimony so much. I can tell that God is speaking through her in all her videos.


----------



## LiftedUp

^^^ I'm going to watch it now.  It's ridiculous that I can watch a full hour of LAHH but shy away from something of substance!


----------



## Divine.

Are any of you ladies working on any projects or serving in some area? My biggest project right now is getting my blog in order. It really takes spending hours of time with God before I can even write. I'm debating on moving to YouTube but I haven't thought that through just yet. It's just easier to talk through ideas than write them. 

I also plan on serving regularly with a youth church. Those kids seriously need guidance and prayer. I volunteered once and I knew God was tugging on my heart to go back. I really want to pour into them. I would hate to see teens so young make the decisions I made. 

So what vision has God placed in your heart?


----------



## LiftedUp

I'm assuming that this is a random chat thread.  Please don't quote.  Would you tell a guy that you're not a virgin?  He's waiting until marriage.


----------



## Divine.

LiftedUp If you're pursuing a relationship with this person, then yes, that's something you would tell them. It doesn't need to be a huge production or anything. I'm not even sure if that's the first thing that needs to be said. However, I would probably insert that information into a serious conversation about your relationship and your values. I wouldn't feel bad about it either because the end result is still the same: you're both waiting. Transparency is a beautiful thing in a relationship.


----------



## LiftedUp

divine my friend's bf broke up with her this morning over it 

The truth literally set her free.  But I'm thinking now that maybe that type of information should be withheld.  Although it would be lying by omission.  She said that if she could've done it over she would've been honest from the get go.


----------



## Divine.

LiftedUp I'm so sorry this happened  That information should not be withheld. However, I would not want to be with a person who would leave me just because I'm not a virgin. Unless your friend lied about it from the beginning, I'm not understanding why this is grounds for breaking up. To me, this is just be a roadblock that the two of them would need to overcome _together_. 

In my eyes, omission is lying. You never want to build a relationship on that. I'm gonna assume that this was the principle behind the break up. I hope that the two of them can work on this together.

My advice to you is always be honest. In my next relationship, I want my significant other to know everything about my past so it's not a secret. I want to know everything about his as well.


----------



## LiftedUp

She lied about it and what happened to her is affecting my judgment unfortunately.


----------



## Divine.

LiftedUp If she lied about it, then this situation is different from what you asked. Your friend has already realized that lying about it was not the best decision. Therefore, lying or withholding this information would not be a good idea for you to do in future relationships. Now if you''re honest at the beginning and your significant other still gets mad, then unfortunately, he is not the right man for you.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Been watching the Duggar show and reading some fundamental Christian family blogs (Bates, Wissmans, etc).  I am FASCINATED on their approach to courtship and really admire how they raise godly children.  Although I'm not sure of the quiverfull doctrine, as a Catholic, I am open to life and don't believe in the use of contraception.  I do believe in Natural Family Planning and involving God in the decision to have children.  That aside, I really do respect their family values.

Any thoughts on these communities?


----------



## Haddasah

Has anyone done Christian online dating? And if so, which sites? Two of my friends met someone through an online dating site and are now engaged.


----------



## bellatiamarie

I truly do love the Lord.  I'm realizing that the closer I get to Him, the more I trust Him.  James 4:8 says "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." I'm definitely experiencing this and I'm so grateful.  I'm noticing that whenever I start to get thoughts of loneliness or "woe is me," if I immediately turn to God rather than allowing those feelings to fester, He instills His peace and there's no other way to describe it--His peace definitely "surpasses all understanding." That's how I know it's real peace and not just something temporary.  I'm realizing His Holy Word is living/breathing and can be applied to every situation that we deal with in life.  I'm finding that there is UNMATCHED power in speaking a word rather than wallowing in negative emotions.  I'm turning 30 this year, and today, I feel like I'm headed in the right direction because I'm being led by the Holy Spirit.  My soul is being healed and I'm undergoing a transformation that only God can get the credit for today.  Thank Jesus!! Ladies, stay on His potters wheel!


----------



## bellatiamarie

Have any of you ladies read a book called Single on Purpose by Jordi Bostock? I'm about half way through... And aside from some grammar and formatting issues, it's a pretty good read.  The book is really prompting me to think and pray more about my purpose during my single season.


----------



## Divine.

bellatiamarie said:


> Have any of you ladies read a book called Single on Purpose by Jordi Bostock? I'm about half way through... And aside from some grammar and formatting issues, it's a pretty good read.  The book is really prompting me to think and pray more about my purpose during my single season.



I haven't read it, but I'm definitely being purposeful during this season. Every time my friend talks about her relationship, I am so thankful I'm single. You have more time to be developed and grow while you're single. I think I know what my purpose is, but in order to achieve it, I need to set aside the time. I only have that time now.


----------



## Maracujá

Lessons for love with Michelle Mckinney Hammond: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHTPQLhFM78


----------



## LoveisYou

I'm really enjoying this season in my life. I have NO interests in dating/entertaining anyone who isn't the one. I prayed and asked God to send the one in His time, but until then it will be me and God!


----------



## Divine.

LoveisYou said:


> I'm really enjoying this season in my life. I have NO interests in dating/entertaining anyone who isn't the one. I prayed and asked God to send the one in His time, but until then it will be me and God!



I prayed this prayer this weekend! I am enjoying this season as well and I don't want anyone I'm not gonna have a future with distract me. Not interested!


----------



## Divine.

Divine. said:


> I prayed this prayer this weekend! I am enjoying this season as well and I don't want anyone I'm not gonna have a future with distract me. Not interested!



God has a crazy way of answering prayers. He is making sure I remain hidden. An old flame came into town and for the first time we didn't see each other. I'm so glad this chapter is over. I don't want anyone unless they're God's best.


----------



## tuffCOOKiE

Has anyone read this? Very interesting and something to think about for those that plan on courting.  Also, the entire article is not quoted here.

*Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed*



> I grew up as a member of the homeschool community back when we were hiding from the cops and getting our textbooks from public school dumpsters.  When I was a teenager, my friends started reading this new book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye. For months we could talk of little else. After reading it myself, I grew into as big an opponent of dating as you could find. Dating was evil and Courtship, whatever it was, was godly, good and Biblical.
> 
> My grandparents would often ask why I wasn’t dating in high school. I explained what courtship was and quoted Joshua Harris, chapter and verse. Their response surprised me.
> 
> “I don’t think courtship is a smart idea,” my grandfather said.
> 
> “How can you tell who you want to marry if you aren’t going out on dates?” my grandmother wondered every time the topic came up. I tried to convince them but to no avail. They both obstinately held to the position that courtship was a foolish idea.
> 
> Well, what did they know? They were public schooled. I ignored their advice on relationships, preferring to listen to the young people around me who were passionate advocates of courtship.
> 
> As I grew older, I started to speak at homeschool conferences and events. I talked with homeschool parents, students and alumni all over the country and started to see some challenges with making courtship work.
> 
> Some of the specific challenges I identified were:
> 
> Identification (Finding that other person)
> Interaction (Spending time with the other person)
> Initiation (Starting the relationship)
> So I founded PracticalCourtship.com. Its purpose: to instigate a national conversation about how to make courtship more practical. Visits and comments poured in from all over the country about how to make courtship work and why it did not work.
> 
> Each year I waited for courtship to start working and for my homeschool friends to start getting married. It never happened. Most of them are still single. Some have grown bitter and jaded. Then couples who did get married through courtship started getting divorced. I’m talking the kind of couples who first kissed at their wedding were filing for divorce.
> 
> This was not the deal!
> 
> The deal was that if we put up with the rules and awkwardness of courtship now we could avoid the pain of divorce later.  The whole point of courtship was to have a happy marriage, not a high divorce rate.
> 
> So I humbled myself and took my grandmother out for dinner to hear why she thought courtship was a bad idea all those years ago. She had predicted the failure of courtship back in the 90s and I wanted to understand how and why.
> 
> But first let me define what I mean by “courtship”.
> 
> So what is courtship anyway?
> 
> After 20 years there still is no general consensus as to what courtship is. But here are the elements most conservative communities have in common:
> 
> The man must ask the woman’s father’s permission before pursuing the woman romantically.
> High accountability (chaperones, monitored correspondence, etc).
> Rules about physical contact and purity. (The specific rules vary from community to community).
> The purpose of the courtship is marriage
> High relational intentionality and intensity
> High parental involvement. Fathers typically hold a “permission and control” role rather than the traditional “advice and blessing” role held by their fathers.
> The Case for Traditional Dating
> 
> My grandmother grew up in a marginally Christian community. People went to church on Sunday but that was the extent of their religious activity. They were not the Bible-reading, small-grouping, mission-tripping Christian young people common in evangelical churches today.
> 
> And yet her community of friends all got married and then stayed married for decades and decades. So what on earth were they doing that worked so well? Over dinner, my grandmother shared her story about what dating was like back in the the 30s and 40s.
> 
> When my grandmother dated in middle school (yes, middle school) her parents had only one rule for her.
> 
> The One Dating Rule: Don’t go out with the same guy twice in a row.
> 
> So if she went out for soda with Bob on Tuesday, she had to go to a movie with Bill on Thursday before she could go to the school dance with Bob on Saturday.
> 
> That sounded crazy to me. So, I asked her the rationale behind it. She explained that the lack of exclusivity helped them guard their hearts and kept things from getting too serious too quickly. The lack of exclusivity kept the interactions fun and casual. “The guys wouldn’t even want to kiss you!” She said.
> 
> The lack of exclusivity helped the girls guard their hearts and kept the boys from feeling entitled to the girl. How could a boy have a claim to her time, heart or body if she was going out with someone else later that week?
> 
> She went on to explain that by the time she graduated from high school, she had gone out on dates with over 20 different guys. This meant that by the time she was 17 years old she knew which Bob she wanted to marry. They got married and stayed married till my grandfather passed away half a century later.
> 
> “If I had only gone out with 3 or 4 guys I wouldn’t have known what I wanted in a husband,” she said.
> 
> It is not that her parents were uninvolved; it is that they played an advisory role, particularly as she entered high school and they relaxed the rules about not going steady.
> 
> The Difference Between “Dating” and “Going Steady”
> 
> She went on to explain that there used to be a linguistic differentiation between “dating” and “going steady”. “Going steady” meant you were going out with the same person multiple times in a row. It often had symbols like the girl wearing the guy’s letter jacket. This telegraphed to everyone at school that she was “off the market” and that she had a “steady beau”.
> 
> It seems that my great grandparents’ rule forbidding my grandmother from going out with the same guy twice in a row was a common rule in those days.
> 
> The Greatest Generation was encouraged to date and discouraged from going steady while in middle school.
> 
> This is different from my generation, which is encouraged to “wait until you are ready to get married” before pursuing a romantic relationship. This advice, when combined with the fact that “the purpose of courtship is marriage”, makes asking a girl out for dinner the emotional equivalent of asking for her hand in marriage.
> 
> I am not convinced that anyone is ever truly ready to get married. Readiness can become a carrot on a stick, an ideal that can never be achieved. Marriage will always be a bit like jumping into a pool of cold water. A humble realization that you are not ready and in need of God’s help may be the more healthy way to start a marriage.
> 
> As the decades moved on, our language and behavior changed. We stopped using the phrase “going steady” and changed “dating” to mean “going steady”. For example, we would now say “John and Sarah have been dating for 3 months.” when the Greatest Generation would have said “John and Sarah have been going steady for 3 months.”
> 
> We then started using new pejoratives like “dating around” and “playing the field” to describe what used to just be called “dating”. Each decade added more exclusivity, intensity, and commitment to dating and saw a subsequent rise in temptation and promiscuity.
> 
> It is easier to justify promiscuity when you are exclusively committed to just one person, even if that commitment is only a week old.
> 
> In the late 80s and early 90s this promiscuous culture reached its peak. People would “go steady” for just a few weeks and then move on to the next relationship. It was this “hookup and breakup” culture that the founders of courtship were reacting to.
> 
> But their proposed solution involved adding even more commitment, exclusivity and intensity, the very things that lead to the problem in the first place. This is why courtship is fundamentally flawed.
> 
> The courtship movement eliminated dating and replaced it with nothing.
> 
> Or, put another way, they replaced dating with engagement. The only tangible difference between an engagement and a courtship is the ring and the date.




http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/


----------



## Maracujá

^^I've only heard one other person say that even courtship is not Biblically based because it doesn't differ too much from worldly dating...I'm so torn on this one so off to read this lengthy article after my morning jog.


----------



## Maracujá

Read most of the article. Hmmm. He makes some very valid points but I just don't see how dating like that has anything to do with the Bible...


----------



## Divine.

Maracujá said:


> Read most of the article. Hmmm. He makes some very valid points but I just don't see how dating like that has anything to do with the Bible...



I kind of understand why he says courtship increases the intensity of the commitment. I agree with that point. My friend was courting (I guess you can call it that) and her relationship turned me off completely. Planning marriages at 3 months? Planning saving accounts? I want to be married, but not right this second. Her relationship made me appreciate my singleness so much more. Needless to say, they broke up because she felt stifled. 

I think courting works if both parties are mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with it. Personally I don't think she was ready yet. The wedding may be a fairytale, but most marriages do not look that. Marriage is a ministry of its own. I think only a small number of my friends are able to handle that type of responsibility.

That blog is based on his friends' experiences. I'm sure many of them married quite young, and had no idea what they wanted in any spouse. Not only that, he doesn't mention how God was involved in this courting process. Did God confirm to these individuals that they were to be married? Or did they just make that decision on their feelings?

The one point I mentioned is the only point I agree with. However, I believe courting has value to individuals who are genuinely ready for marriage mentally and spiritually. This all boils down to God's timing.


----------



## LiftedUp

My take on/approach to courtship is a bit different.  I think if you take something from a negative outlook you will get a lot of negative responses likewise, with taking it from a positive view you may yield mainly positive responses.  Taking it from a critical point of view allows you to look at it from a balanced view and weigh the pros and cons to determine if it works for you and if it would yield the outcomes you want.  My main purpose for "dating" is determining if a man is worthy enough to be the head of our household because that is the role a husband plays in a marriage.



> Ephesians 5:23 (NIV)
> 
> 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.





> 1 Corinthians 11:3(KJV)
> 
> 3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.







> What makes Christian courtship unique, in contrast to dating, is the intent and the nature of the relationship. *In short, you should only go out with someone for the purpose of it leading toward a God honoring marriage.*  You don’t call out the affections of someone, or _let your own heart be toyed with _unless you are ready for marriage and unless you believe that person is someone you would seriously consider spending the rest of your life with.



Courtship allows you, at least for me personally, have serious discussions from early on.  When I say early on, I mean first date early or even before that.  The intentions of both you and the other person are put on the table from the outset.  The important thing is knowing what you want and your values and in my opinion, seeing if this potential mate, meets you on those common grounds.  It's amazing how honest men can be if you asked them from the inception what are their intentions.  Now, it doesn't mean planning your wedding within the first month of seeing each other, it means that you both have the intention of marriage at the center.  So your conversations and getting to know you period is basically getting to know if this person would make a compatible spouse.

*Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.*

Courting over the years have taught me many things.  That you cannot change a person, that you have to find common grounds on what you want to compromise on, things that you can/cannot live with etc.  I have never been in a relationship with a man who didn't want marriage, however, those relationships did not end in marriage because during the courting period I realized that there are certain qualities of those men that I couldn't live with.  They just weren't compatible with me.



> Different people define biblical courtship in different ways. There is no agreed definition but here is my attempt at one: biblical courtship is the period of time in which a man who is romantically interested in a woman pursues her in an intentional way with the hope of marrying her.



I agree with this as well.  I don't think that "biblical courtship" is clearly defined in the bible.  It is just Christian principles used in the "dating" world.  So though one is not as hardcore as the Bates or Duggars lol, it that doesn't mean that you do not practice courtship per se.  Courtship is Christ centered which is preparation for a Christian centered marriage.  With that said, I know people who were hardcore courters (no physical contact, chaperoned dates etc.) and persons who were more lax.  Courtship to me does not mean combining finances etc.  At the end of the day you are not actually married.  Also the length of courtship differs for many, like dating.  

I think the fear of courting is brought about by a lot of worldly thinking, like, Steve Harvey books etc.  Not wanting to be _too available_ etc.  However, I think that it's inculcating a culture of not being yourself but transforming your mindset into one which will attract the type of man who is attracted to _that type of woman_.

Now, by no means is anyone perfect and we all falter.  But, I like courtship.  I like not "going out with Bob on Tuesday, Bill on Thursday and then Bob again on Saturday".  I wouldn't be being myself.  I'm way to conservative for that.  I like knowing if a man is marriage minded from day one.  I like knowing that a man knows that during this courting period I'm determining if he's husband material and I like knowing that he's doing the same with me.  I like that our parents are all up in our business because they hold similar views and want the best husband or wife for their daughter or son.  I'm telling you, my parents are all up in my business lol.  Personal story: My friend and her boyfriend were courting for 3 years.  They planned on getting married within the next 2 years.  One day, his father said, you need to marry that girl.  Within 6 months she went from girlfriend to fiancee to wife.  His father saw something in her that he wanted for his son immediately.

Courtship it works for me.  I think it's fundamental to know yourself first and know what works for you.

Sources used in the quotations:
http://www.christiantoday.com/article/what.is.biblical.courtship/35286.htm
http://www.christian-courtship.com/


----------



## stephluv

So im 29 now and im even less trusting and more discouraged about my relationship status Not due to my age but it seems the older and more mature I get the more I run into losers smh and bad situations Ive reached a I dont care mode But im very happy and encouraging for others They still have a chance but me im not so sure anymore which ladies I can aaccept


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I agree with LiftedUp. I think people can get to know each other casually (no romantic interaction aka friendship dating) but when courtship is underway, it means we are seriously discerning if we are called to marry each other.  It means tackling deeper issues up front to see if the compatibility is even there, getting to know our friends and families, praying, etc.  I think courtship is ideal burt finding a man who understands courtship and who's willing to die to self in the relationship is rare.


----------



## Divine.

stephluv said:


> So im 29 now and im even less trusting and more discouraged about my relationship status Not due to my age but it seems the older and more mature I get the more I run into losers smh and bad situations Ive reached a I dont care mode But im very happy and encouraging for others They still have a chance but me im not so sure anymore which ladies I can aaccept



I try not to look at it like that. I value myself so much that I refuse to lower my stock by associating with men who I know aren't God's best. Since adapting to this mindset, it doesn't bother me when I come across men who are not up to par. I quickly dismiss them and keep it moving. Maybe my opinion will change as I get older, but as someone who has never been in a relationship, it's just as easy for me to get discouraged. 

Try not to be too nonchalant about the situation. Accept it with joy because you have been spared from a lifelong relationship with a no good loser!


----------



## stephluv

Divine. said:


> I try not to look at it like that. I value myself so much that I refuse to lower my stock by associating with men who I know aren't God's best. Since adapting to this mindset, it doesn't bother me when I come across men who are not up to par. I quickly dismiss them and keep it moving. Maybe my opinion will change as I get older, but as someone who has never been in a relationship, it's just as easy for me to get discouraged.
> 
> Try not to be too nonchalant about the situation. Accept it with joy because you have been spared from a lifelong relationship with a no good loser!



Yessss so true Divine.


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## stephluv

Divine. Dating God!! We chose my outfit for church yesterday! I've been wearing heels to church every night cause well I want to look nice for him lol I wore heels on dates shoot Right now I'm just praying on removing these desires for physical intimacy so if anyone has advice please send so I only sleep a few hrs as its my thoughts I can't control and yet I still am not interested in anyone I won't even look in a guys face I don't want anyone mistaking it for interest Plus I'm dating God so they gotta get Gods attention to step in

Shimmie I feel God healing me everywhere as even  tonight I gave him past bitterness and unforgiveness I even had towards HIM With this mentioned is it wrong that I'm almost afraid to be healed... I don't want to make a mistake again esp when it comes to a mate I want to be used for Gods plan for me... Oh it's like a new job... You get the position learn it and apply it but your always nervous to make a mistake and lose your assignment 

Whew I'm rambling tonight But I want to give God the praise and thank him I'm not embarrassed of him or his work in me


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## Belle Du Jour

I've been down the past few days about my single staus, but I think I'm starting to climb out of it.  Please pray for me


----------



## Kacie

ToyToy posted a link to a site which has weekly devotionals and a daily (30 days) email feature aimed at praying for your future marriage.  It's a gem...re-posting in case anyone missed it.
http://www.purposefullysingle.com


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## Divine.

stephluvYes, this is how you do it! God loves you more than any man ever could. He is truly a healer! When you cast all your cares onto him, he will do the rest  I'm so happy you're finding joy!

I really need to work on my excitement when I see someone attractive  My mind kicks into overdrive  I start planning my future almost immediately. This has always been an area where I struggled and it flares up every now and again.


----------



## mz.rae

Ok so I met a guy last October at a funeral he is a minister, we talked for a little bit laughed and then he left and we added each other on Facebook. After that we didn't talk anymore, until this pass June. He messaged me on Facebook saying he was interested but wasn't sure how I would have felt about him approaching me like that in that type of setting. Anyway, he asked for my phone number and I gave it to him. We talked and went out on two dates. We really hit it off and are so much alike it's really interesting, his birthday is the day after mine as well. Anyways our last date was in July and I haven't heard from him unless I would text him like hey hope you're well and I hope we get to hang again soon. Frankly I think he was just being  polite when he said we would and the last time I texted him was in August. Because I'm not on having to text a person first all the time to get them to talk. I'm  like just be upfront if you're no longer interested then just say so, I'm not on that be polite hopefully they'll take the hint stuff. This really has me scratching my head. Frankly after this experience and another I had I'm no longer interested in dating a guy that's a Christian, or involved in the church they are too wishy-washy.


----------



## mz.rae

So I may have been harsh in my previous post, but that guy really did hurt my feelings. I mean I know we only went on two dates therefore it really wasn't that serious. But at the same time I feel like the Christ like thing to do from a Christian perspective is to be upfront and to let his intentions be known. When I would contact him and say "hey had a good time hanging out with you I hope we can hang out again soon." If he knew that he was no longer interested instead of saying and giving the impression that we would just say you are no longer interested. I guess I'm just one to not give a person false hope, or be on the whole hopefully they will take the hint type thing. I've always found it easier to just be upfront that a way there aren't any misunderstandings. It just boggles my mind how a person can treat someone like this, and then go on to preach to people at different church functions. Now hey maybe I'm taking this the wrong way, and if so I pray God shows me what is really going on. Maybe he has been busy or whatever the case may be. But still then to me that just goes back to being upfront. People like this are perfect examples of why I have a hard time opening up to people and letting them in. And it's usually church people that I have burned the most by.


----------



## Haddasah

Sometimes life's struggles are so great that I don't even know what to pray for, what is it that my heart and soul truly needs in order to feel soothed? I don't know if Im making sense


----------



## Divine.

mz.rae said:


> So I may have been harsh in my previous post, but that guy really did hurt my feelings. I mean I know we only went on two dates therefore it really wasn't that serious. But at the same time I feel like the Christ like thing to do from a Christian perspective is to be upfront and to let his intentions be known. When I would contact him and say "hey had a good time hanging out with you I hope we can hang out again soon." If he knew that he was no longer interested instead of saying and giving the impression that we would just say you are no longer interested. I guess I'm just one to not give a person false hope, or be on the whole hopefully they will take the hint type thing. I've always found it easier to just be upfront that a way there aren't any misunderstandings. It just boggles my mind how a person can treat someone like this, and then go on to preach to people at different church functions. Now hey maybe I'm taking this the wrong way, and if so I pray God shows me what is really going on. Maybe he has been busy or whatever the case may be. But still then to me that just goes back to being upfront. People like this are perfect examples of why I have a hard time opening up to people and letting them in. And it's usually church people that I have burned the most by.



I'm so sorry you had to go through this! I hope you don't let this experience taint your future experiences with men in the church.

I am a firm proponent of dating with purpose. On the first date, I would've put everything out there. I would've asked what his intentions were, if he was interested in a relationship (and potentially marriage), and whether or not he anticipated the friendship to progress. My time is valuable, so I need make sure neither of us are wasting it. 

I know some people are against doing that and want things to happen organically, but in my experience, the "relationships" I allowed to grow organically all failed because I was stuck in a perpetual state of waiting. Waiting for him to make the first move. Waiting for him to set up the next date. Waiting for him to make things official. If both of you are in agreement from the start, then you're both working together to make the relationship grow. 

Men are never going to tell you they're not interested. They'll either say it in a way that is vague (thus giving you false hope) or just stop talking to you. I have found that most men avoid conflict like the plague.They also can only deal with one thing at a time. That could be why he stopped speaking to you. If he's busy, that could be the one thing that is occupying his time right now. 

If he does pop back in, I wouldn't take him seriously until you two are on one accord.


----------



## Divine.

Haddasah said:


> Sometimes life's struggles are so great that I don't even know what to pray for, what is it that my heart and soul truly needs in order to feel soothed? I don't know if Im making sense



When I get like this, I call on the Holy Spirit and allow him to pray for me  Things usually break in the spiritual realm when I do this. He knows what to say even when we don't.


----------



## mz.rae

Divine. said:


> I'm so sorry you had to go through this! I hope you don't let this experience taint your future experiences with men in the church.
> 
> I am a firm proponent of dating with purpose. On the first date, I would've put everything out there. I would've asked what his intentions were, if he was interested in a relationship (and potentially marriage), and whether or not he anticipated the friendship to progress. My time is valuable, so I need make sure neither of us are wasting it.
> 
> I know some people are against doing that and want things to happen organically, but in my experience, the "relationships" I allowed to grow organically all failed because I was stuck in a perpetual state of waiting. Waiting for him to make the first move. Waiting for him to set up the next date. Waiting for him to make things official. If both of you are in agreement from the start, then you're both working together to make the relationship grow.
> 
> Men are never going to tell you they're not interested. They'll either say it in a way that is vague (thus giving you false hope) or just stop talking to you. I have found that most men avoid conflict like the plague.They also can only deal with one thing at a time. That could be why he stopped speaking to you. If he's busy, that could be the one thing that is occupying his time right now.
> 
> If he does pop back in, I wouldn't take him seriously until you two are on one accord.



Thank you so much for your advice!  I will know better next time.


----------



## Haddasah

Mini Victory     

I signed onto my Facebook and  was bombarded by images/post of people in new relationships or married or with newborns. I felt that familiar grip in my heart of bitter sweetness and depression ..happy for the people but feeling like I'm a failure/undesired. AND instead of continuing to go down that path...I prayed and stated: Lord, I believe that YOU know what is best for me at THIS time in my life, I know that at the right time that my desires will be realized and I refuse to lose hope in you and throw myself a pity party!

PRAISE GOD!!! I hope to have this attitude daily...it's a battle
On a side note- Im going to take a break from facebook, I did this sometime ago for a year and Im thinking its about that time again


----------



## Haddasah

You are NOT a failure!!! This is a 10 minute video and I really liked her down to earth approach....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-gtw3Lfocc&list=UUhZowZu_cvcDf99rAquYDkQ


----------



## LiftedUp

Belle Du Jour said:


> I've been down the past few days about my single staus, but I think I'm starting to climb out of it.  Please pray for me




Belle, stay strong sister.  If someone told me this a couple of month ago I'd look at them sideways but he's there, God is molding him to me the right match for you and molding you to be the right match for him.


----------



## LiftedUp

mz.rae

I don't want to speak for the man but he seems as though he has someone.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

LiftedUp said:


> Belle, stay strong sister.  If someone told me this a couple of month ago I'd look at them sideways but he's there, God is molding him to me the right match for you and molding you to be the right match for him.



Thank you LiftedUp


----------



## mz.rae

LiftedUp said:


> mz.rae
> 
> I don't want to speak for the man but he seems as though he has someone.



Thank you! I'm starting to think so too, I know that if he does pop back up I will not be giving him another chance.


----------



## LiftedUp

mz.rae said:


> Thank you! I'm starting to think so too, I know that if he does pop back up I will not be giving him another chance.



There are wolves in sheep clothing everywhere.  Really disappointing smh.  At least he showed you his true colours from early on.


----------



## Phoenix14

I was in a relationship with someone, a fellow believer, but we lost sight of God in things. I will be moving today across the country and we decided to end things here. When I return in a few months, we will consider starting again, but the RIGHT way with the Lord at the center, where He should be and should have been from the beginning. 

I care deeply about this man, but God has really shown me some things I need to work on in myself before I go any further in a relationship with anyone. This is my spiritual and heart exile and I believe the Lord will return me to where I'm supposed to be. So I'm stepping out in obedience. If this man is to be my husband then so be it. If not, I'd rather stop here than try to force something that's not in the Lord's will for either of us.


----------



## bellatiamarie

So... the ex that I've mentioned to you guys in previous posts was killed on his birthday in July.  I'm still trying to deal with all of this.  I'm still trying find my way through it all so I can't talk too much about it but God is teaching me some stuff right now.  He's opening my eyes to A LOT! I can't fathom or believe any of this... pray for me ladies. I'm not ready to give the full testimony yet because I'm still in the test.  But I know God will get ALL of the glory when it's all said and done! I pray y'all are doing well.


----------



## stephluv

Prayers being lifted up bellatiamarie


----------



## whosthatgurl

I normally post in the other single ladies thread, but I'll post here today. I'm not discouraged, but I'm starting to become a tad bit envious of everyone else getting a mate, and the facebook relationship updates, and babies popping up (definitely don't want babies now).    But I've just been twiddling my thumbs lately like "okay, You can send my husband now lol."  I've been trying to speak positively and remind myself of what I used to be won't prevent me from having someone. It'll just take time.   le sigh.

ETA:  I'm tired of chasing people too. My chasing days are over with.


----------



## dicapr

whosthatgurl said:


> I normally post in the other single ladies thread, but I'll post here today. I'm not discouraged, but I'm starting to become a tad bit envious of everyone else getting a mate, and the facebook relationship updates, and babies popping up (definitely don't want babies now).    But I've just been twiddling my thumbs lately like "okay, You can send my husband now lol."  I've been trying to speak positively and remind myself of what I used to be won't prevent me from having someone. It'll just take time.   le sigh.  ETA:  I'm tired of chasing people too. My chasing days are over with.



I know how you feel. I'm about to be my sister's maid of honor for the second time. Yes, she got married, divorced, and engaged before I got married once. And my mother is completely clueless on how this is going to be difficult for me. I'm going to  try to get back to my high school weight. If I've got to be the old maid of honor I'm going to at least look good rather than having everyone say they can see why I'm not married. I feel like this point in my life if it doesn't happen soon it won't be happening.


----------



## whosthatgurl

I put this in the other single relationship thread, but I'll stick this here too. 

**

Well. In a twisted turn of events. While I was throwing a pity party for myself tonight I texted a church member/friend of mine and told him that I was in my feelings and he told me to call him. 

I did. 

Turned out that he had to get some things off of his chest which included him letting me know that he's been having a crush on me. 

I always kind of knew in the back of my head, but brushed it off because you have to literally tell me stuff. But. Yeah. I don't know how to feel right now. 

And I mean this morning I was like, nobody values me as a person, blah blah blah blah blah. And he told me some of the sweetest things. 

Crazy.


----------



## DreamLife

I keep attracting the same two types of guys. Online (not online anymore), offline...it doesn't matter. I just want something totally different. In the past two weeks I've turned down two guys that I would have otherwise entertained in the past because I'm just tired of wasting time. If I can't see the guy as my husband I just stop right there. It's frustrating because it seems like year after year it's been the same ole thing. I'm 28 and I just want to at least meet the guy I'm supposed to marry. Not these counterfeits.


----------



## Haddasah

Hey Beauties!!!

So I have been doing quite well with totally giving over to God!! I have less depressed episodes concerning my relationship status...and the ones I have now are under an 1 hour with most being a mere moment! Everytime Im tempted to think negatively I just remember that it's in God's hands so no bother wasting time/energy mopping around (I talk to myself like this).
 I recently wrote a list of what I want to accomplish before 30 and I didn't put marriage/family on it...I said to myself that that decision doesn't belong to me but to God and me putting a time on it will just stress me out and stuff...don't get  me wrong, I would LOVE to be married before then but Im really trying to let God write my love story...


----------



## DreamLife

Heather Lindsey had a really good talk I listened to today on her YouTube about trusting God with your life. It really spoke to me.


----------



## mz.rae

So me and this guy that the Co pastor tried to get together last year are going to start over. I feel as though last year we weren't ready as well as some other circumstances not really involving him that happened. It's really funny that way before the pastor tried to get us together, when I first started attending this church again and was standing next to him something in my spirit leaped. And then all through last year after the situation that had occurred that had me in my feelings and I would see him in church something kept telling me that this man was going to be my husband. I don't know what it means or what is going on, but ever since last year I have been feeling that in my spirit, though it was getting to a point where I was thinking yeah.... Sure... Probably just me trying to convince myself of something.... But honestly I do not know.


----------



## Keshieshimmer

DreamLife said:


> Heather Lindsey had a really good talk I listened to today on her YouTube about trusting God with your life. It really spoke to me.



I listened last night as well. Very powerful. I just need to do it. Ugh. So weak though, the spirit of loneliness is powerful. Silence can be so loud.


----------



## Divine.

I want to encourage you ladies to continue finding contentment in whatever season you're in. Not being defined by your relationship status is such a freeing feeling. Life's challenges go beyond your current singleness. I say that because although I have moved past my constant desire for a relationship, my everyday challenges in other areas (finances, temptation, jobs, etc.) have not stopped. What's so ironic is, finding a spouse won't solve any of those challenges. However, by overcoming them, you'll be putting yourself in a better position to receive a spouse. When the right man comes along, you will be whole (not perfect).

Just food for thought


----------



## Haddasah

Keshieshimmer said:


> I listened last night as well. Very powerful. I just need to do it. Ugh. So weak though, the spirit of loneliness is powerful. Silence can be so loud.



I agree, silence is very loud and intrusive at times too. Loneliness is both a physical and mental thing...which is why someone can have someone there physically (a spouse) and still be lonely mentally. What helps in those times of "loud quietness"for me is to push deeper into it. Its common to find a temporary sedative (call a friend, browse internet) to ease the pain of loneliness but instead I've found it more rewarding to just lay bare before God so that HE can be my remedy. I struggle with loneliness, depression, low self esteem and it's a battle...Im not strong but I know WHO is 
 hang in there  

Check out this blog post (she writes about singleness/God) http://www.fabsharford.com/blessings-of-singleness1-loneliness/

".....The pain of loneliness is such a gift.   Like all pain, it lets us know that something somewhere isn’t quite right.  My loneliness reminds me that this world is unsatisfying and insufficient.  It’s a signpost that prompts me to seek help outside of myself.
Each jab of loneliness tests my heart: do I believe in the ‘enoughness’ of God? Will I believe in what He says even when life seems to testify otherwise?  He says I have everything I need.  He says He will satisfy the longing heart.  And each twinge of pain provides a reminder to cast my gaze heavenward and to refuse to be comforted by anything but Him.
Without loneliness, I would never persevere.  I am too easily satisfied...."


----------



## DreamLife

Keshieshimmer said:


> I listened last night as well. Very powerful. I just need to do it. Ugh. So weak though, the spirit of loneliness is powerful. Silence can be so loud.


 Keshieshimmer That's so true. But in my last relationship I finally grasped the concept of being with someone and feeling completely alone. It was a horrible feeling to have someone right by your side but feeling like you were still alone and that person did not care. From that moment, I knew that I had to get back to God and re evaluate the relationships and decisions I had made.   

    I agree with Divine. when she said circumstances go beyond your relationship status. I've had family sicknesses, family death since my breakup. Also severe fatigue, work stress and deadlines as well.  I was so concerned about that one aspect of my life and when it disappeared a lot of other things fell apart as well just in the past few months. So I have to just trust God with my entire life and let stuff go out of my hands because I know in my own strength I can't keep going. It's hard and I still have the desire but I don't want to keep making the same mistakes I've made and going around the same mountains over again.


----------



## Phoenix14

Struggling right now. My desire for a relationship has lessened but instead of turning to God I'm tripping over the thousand and one distractions the devil is throwing in my way.


----------



## Divine.

Ran into my old flame this weekend. That was the most awkward feeling ever. I haven't seen him in 5 months. Neither of us said anything to each other. In that moment I realized how much hurt and resentment I was holding on to. I never truly forgave him...yesterday I decided to let go. Afterwards, I felt such a huge weight lifted from me! 

It's so sad to see how things ended between us. We went from speaking everyday to not speaking at all. I know it's for the best though. I have been praying for God to make forget the pain he put me through so I can move forward.


----------



## Sarophina

Going through a slump. Singleness is hitting harder than ever. I'm trying to fast to break these bonds of depression. I'm also forcing myself to leave my house and stay busy.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Keep holding on Ladies... God knows each one of us by name... He knows where we live and He's more than able to meet us at the point of our needs. He hasn't forgotten about us... He could never forget about us--That's not His nature.  Keep holding on... He's a promise keeper!


----------



## bellatiamarie

It's so quiet up in here!! What's going on ladies? What's new? How is everyone doing?


----------



## Maracujá

bellatiamarie said:


> It's so quiet up in here!! What's going on ladies? What's new? How is everyone doing?



Not much lol. The past few weekends I've been watching Rick Warren's series on awesome relationships, they were all very good. The last one was on how to find the love of your life. The owner of eHarmony spoke and he said the number one thing you need to work on is selfishness and make sure you are emotionally, spiritually, financially and physically healthy before entering a relationship. So that's what I'm working on. And also not having prospects all the time, I constantly replace one prospect with another to keep my mind entertained sort of say, but God wants all of me at this point.


----------



## Divine.

bellatiamarie said:


> It's so quiet up in here!! What's going on ladies? What's new? How is everyone doing?



I have been super busy balancing work and life in general. I barely even have time for social media nowadays  I'm still very single and I'm not in a rush to change that. My plate is full, but I'm sure when it's that time, God will help me make room for the right person.   

Idk why I spent all these years waiting for men. I literally put my life on hold for them. Now I'm living and God has shown me that his love is enough.

ETA: found this verse that sums up my sentiments 

God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past. (Ecclesiastes 5:20)


----------



## mz.rae

Ok so recently me and this guy from church have decided to start over, after last year's event. But.... There is one thing that bothers me and bothered me last year about him. The difference between last year and now is that now I am more open to speaking up when I don't like something. Anyway the problem last year and this year is that It seems like I always have to drive! I remember last year he made the comment about how since he is a school bus driver and has to drive family plus church people around he likes to have a break. Well last year I worked 12 hour shifts in the hospital and liked a break too. Now he isn't working, and for some reason I still feel like it is going to be the same thing. And it's just weird to me, he can pick up people for church, but can't drive sometimes for dates. And frankly having to drive his mom and sisters around really isn't an excuse to me. I mean we all have things that keep us busy, make us tired, etc. But that is no excuse to always having someone do something. 
And another thing I don't like is I don't like people volunteering me for things or acting like I'm going to do something because they thought of it. At least ask first, don't assume I have it or am going to do it. 
So yeah looks like he and I have some talking to do.  And I don't see anything wrong with helping a person, but it's when a person always expects something and uses that as a reason not to do something. Another than that I do think he is a nice guy, I'm not sure if I'm being too petty or harsh.


----------



## DreamLife

After a family death in October and a bad breakup, I'm not really excited about the holidays. I have to work on thanksgiving and New Year's Eve and New Year's Day too anyway.


----------



## Haddasah

Im confused right now, and I feel like my life is out of control. I been talking to my ex again, we always talk on and off(not relationship, literally just talk) well this time, he came very strong and I was at a very weak spot, I let myself open up to him and he opened up to me.A few hours ago, we met up and we ended up making out, sadly I don't know if im a virgin still, there was no blood and he used his fingers and oral. I just  don't know how I have come to this, I don't know what to do...recently I've been upset with God, I haven't talk to anyone except my ex, I haven't found a home church or friends in this city, admittedly I don't read the bible or pray much...I  feel like im just existing. Nothing satisfies me, after we stopped sex, I was thinking "it wasn't worth it". Im upset with my life, it's not fulfilling at all and I don't know what to do...


----------



## JaneBond007

Haddasah said:


> Im confused right now, and I feel like my life is out of control. I been talking to my ex again, we always talk on and off(not relationship, literally just talk) well this time, he came very strong and I was at a very weak spot, I let myself open up to him and he opened up to me.A few hours ago, we met up and we ended up making out, sadly I don't know if im a virgin still, there was no blood and he used his fingers and oral. I just  don't know how I have come to this, I don't know what to do...recently I've been upset with God, I haven't talk to anyone except my ex, I haven't found a home church or friends in this city, admittedly I don't read the bible or pray much...I  feel like im just existing. Nothing satisfies me, *after we stopped sex*, I was thinking "it wasn't worth it". Im upset with my life, it's not fulfilling at all and I don't know what to do...




There's your answer.  Sex is sex.  Stop talking to him if that's what you truly want.  Change your phone number.  Talk to G-d instead.  One day at a time...one step at a time.


----------



## Maracujá

Haddasah said:


> Im confused right now, and I feel like my life is out of control. I been talking to my ex again, we always talk on and off(not relationship, literally just talk) well this time, he came very strong and I was at a very weak spot, I let myself open up to him and he opened up to me.A few hours ago, we met up and we ended up making out, sadly I don't know if im a virgin still, there was no blood and he used his fingers and oral. I just  don't know how I have come to this, I don't know what to do...recently I've been upset with God, I haven't talk to anyone except my ex, I haven't found a home church or friends in this city, admittedly *I don't read the bible or pray much...*I  feel like im just existing. Nothing satisfies me, after we stopped sex, I was thinking "it wasn't worth it". Im upset with my life, it's not fulfilling at all and I don't know what to do...





JaneBond007 said:


> There's your answer.  Sex is sex.  Stop talking to him if that's what you truly want.  Change your phone number.  Talk to G-d instead.  *One day at a time...one step at a time.*



So sorry to hear this Haddasah, but JaneBond007 has given great advice: it's one day at a time. Unfortunately in our culture we are so detached from reaping and sowing, we expect things to happen automatically and instantly. What struck me in what you said is what I have put in bold: pray. Pray more. Pray a lot. Pour it all out to Him. Just today as I was journaling I wrote down that I am tired of the spa-movies-restaurant-travelling-shopping self-care spiral that the West pushes down our throats, it's consumer based and does nothing for us. We need to purge, and prayer helps you purge. To get back to what I was saying earlier: prayer is like planting. You don't see immediate results but they will surely come in the form of emotional stability, joy, internal peace and much much more. 

One final thing: Jesus urged us to pray so that we would not fall into temptation (Matthew 26:41), we often make up this want list when praying when it's not what it's meant for at all. I will also be praying for you. God bless.


----------



## Haddasah

JaneBond007 said:


> There's your answer.  Sex is sex.  Stop talking to him if that's what you truly want.  Change your phone number.  Talk to G-d instead.  One day at a time...one step at a time.




 He is the only man that I've had a relationship with, we broke up in 2009 and I didn't date for years, since moving I have met guys last year and this year. However, no matter how long we stop talking to each other (months, years) he ends up contacting me and stating that he miss me, wants me, loves me etc.  So a few weeks ago this happened again and I was at a dark spot the moment he reached out to me very strong, he opened up about how he felt (this is the same man who proposed to me 2x in the past), I believe that I've used him as an emotional support so that I can "feel loved". He was there when I was having suicidal thoughts and he talked me out of it.  I don't even feel like I have true feelings for him though, not romantically. He bought me sex toys because apparently Im too tight and should use them to loosen up, I've never fingered myself and don't plan to, and Im throwing away the toys he bought me. I STRUGGLED with pure thoughts and my conversations with my ex were often sexual. This morning, Im still sore from last night and it just reminds me of what happened. This guy isn't really a Christian just "spiritual, he isn't the type of man I see myself with, and he cannot make any commitments, he thinks we can be lovers and confidants. After last night, I realized that what I want is love and commitment in a real relationship. I want to have pure thoughts/speech, and I want to wait to marriage to have sex. This year I struggled with depression and low self esteem a lot, and it's no coincidence that this year I was furthest from God. When I was with Him, I had more surety, I wasn't depressed, and my self esteem was fine. I feel like every area of my life sucks, mental,physical, spiritual. I don't know what to do, where to start, how do I pick up from this? I think changing my number would work somewhat but he'll find another way to contact me. How do I talk to God instead when Im craving human interaction?


----------



## Haddasah

Maracujá said:


> So sorry to hear this Haddasah, but JaneBond007 has given great advice: it's one day at a time. Unfortunately in our culture we are so detached from reaping and sowing, we expect things to happen automatically and instantly. What struck me in what you said is what I have put in bold: pray. Pray more. Pray a lot. Pour it all out to Him. Just today as I was journaling I wrote down that I am tired of the spa-movies-restaurant-travelling-shopping self-care spiral that the West pushes down our throats, it's consumer based and does nothing for us. We need to purge, and prayer helps you purge. To get back to what I was saying earlier: prayer is like planting. You don't see immediate results but they will surely come in the form of emotional stability, joy, internal peace and much much more.
> 
> One final thing: Jesus urged us to pray so that we would not fall into temptation (Matthew 26:41), we often make up this want list when praying when it's not what it's meant for at all. I will also be praying for you. God bless.



I feel like I can't talk to God, like I've strayed so far and been upset with Him for too long. But I miss the talks me and Go used to have, I miss so many things about the relationship I had with Him. I wouldn't now where to start, and thanks for the prayers, I really appreciate it

ETA: prayer to purge just hit me, in order to get control of my life I need to pray intensely. Pray for forgiveness, peace, and emotional stability


----------



## Divine.

Haddasah said:


> I feel like I can't talk to God, like I've strayed so far and been upset with Him for too long. But I miss the talks me and Go used to have, I miss so many things about the relationship I had with Him. I wouldn't now where to start, and thanks for the prayers, I really appreciate it
> 
> ETA: prayer to purge just hit me, in order to get control of my life I need to pray intensely. Pray for forgiveness, peace, and emotional stability



Remember: No one is perfect when they come to God. God wants broken individuals who he can mold. He's just waiting for you to open up to him again. 

We have all made mistakes. The biggest trick of the enemy is making you believe God changes. Just because we may have strayed or are upset with him, doesn't mean God is the same way. He is who says he is: a redeemer, healer, keeper, perfect, omnipotent, faithful, love. Isn't that awesome?! 

Pray without ceasing, even if you don't feel like it. Also, take time to thank him. The smallest amount of praise will lift your spirit.


----------



## Haddasah

Divine. said:


> Remember: No one is perfect when they come to God. God wants broken individuals who he can mold. He's just waiting for you to open up to him again.
> 
> We have all made mistakes. The biggest trick of the enemy is making you believe God changes. Just because we may have strayed or are upset with him, doesn't mean God is the same way. He is who says he is: a redeemer, healer, keeper, perfect, omnipotent, faithful, love. Isn't that awesome?!
> 
> Pray without ceasing, even if you don't feel like it. Also, take time to thank him. The smallest amount of praise will lift your spirit.



Thank you, I prayed a few times this morning for forgiveness, cleansing and thankfulness, and I am going to read passages in romans 8 and 1 john 2, I spoke with my accountability partner earlier just now. I am not going to punish myself, God doesn't want to punish me but free me, repent and turn back to Him. 
This morning, I looked to the sky and just broke down, I used to always pray and look to the sky in the past. I know God will not let me lose, He has a path for my life, and He wants only good for me. I cannot express it but I know I have a long road ahead, and I'm excited about that, I miss walking hand in hand with my Father as He taught me things. Turning from Him was turning from my best friend.  

As the poster said.. One day at a time and One step at a time, praying and praising even when I don't feel like it.


----------



## nlamr2013

Have you ladies watched the worth the wait YouTube series? The couple is Brandon and sheretta.
Also Ashley empowers. I can't remember if it's been posted already I enjoyed the first series and already follow Ashley on instagram and would like to see her series.


----------



## stephluv

I want to get away in January anyone know of any events going on... I have PTO I can use and would like to fellowship with kingdom minded people as part of my get away from home...I'm looking to go around the middle of January


----------



## Divine.

stephluv said:


> I want to get away in January anyone know of any events going on... I have PTO I can use and would like to fellowship with kingdom minded people as part of my get away from home...I'm looking to go around the middle of January



stephluv Hmm...not sure what's happening in January. Are you trying to get away to fellowship or for a vacation?


----------



## stephluv

Divine. said:


> stephluv Hmm...not sure what's happening in January. Are you trying to get away to fellowship or for a vacation?



Either or both lol Divine. Was thinking a short cruise too


----------



## whosthatgurl

If y'all can please pray for me and my strength I'd appreciate it. 

I was talking (I still say dating), someone for two months. And while it wasn't long, it escalated and ended fast. 

I got a text message this morning at 7:30 saying that (he) apologized for everything he has done to me, but he has to chill on me for right now(his words, not mine; basically saying he's wants to stop talking to me), because I'm too emotional. 

I literally haven't been myself all day. I've been crying non stop. I even cried at work. And I normally can pull it together. 

If anything, I feel terribly used. I always extend myself to others more than I should, and I get nothing in return. The same with this situation.  I just told him in return that I would never do him the way that he has done me. 

And I have to see him tomorrow when I go into work. 

I know it may seem small, but I'm just at my wits end. I just prayed for myself a little while ago, and I know I made the ugly cry face. I honestly feel like there may not be anyone out there for me.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Praying for you sis. ^^^^


----------



## whosthatgurl

It's just literally gotten worse. I sat on my floor last night and cried my eyes out. I don't know why it hurts this bad. 

He's literally done with me after I asked if he was done using me ( a whole conversation before happened.) Saying that he didn't want to be physically around me, but he would still call and text me. I asked him what was the point. and he said, well I don't have to call you then, I'll just say hey at work. But then after I asked him about the using me thing, he refuses to talk to me at all. 

I haven't felt like this in just about ever. Not even with my ex boyfriend. It just hurts.


----------



## Lucia

Haddasah said:


> He is the only man that I've had a relationship with, we broke up in 2009 and I didn't date for years, since moving I have met guys last year and this year. However, no matter how long we stop talking to each other (months, years) he ends up contacting me and stating that he miss me, wants me, loves me etc.  So a few weeks ago this happened again and I was at a dark spot the moment he reached out to me very strong, he opened up about how he felt (this is the same man who proposed to me 2x in the past), I believe that I've used him as an emotional support so that I can "feel loved". He was there when I was having suicidal thoughts and he talked me out of it.  I don't even feel like I have true feelings for him though, not romantically. He bought me sex toys because apparently Im too tight and should use them to loosen up, I've never fingered myself and don't plan to, and Im throwing away the toys he bought me. I STRUGGLED with pure thoughts and my conversations with my ex were often sexual. This morning, Im still sore from last night and it just reminds me of what happened. This guy isn't really a Christian just "spiritual, he isn't the type of man I see myself with, and he cannot make any commitments, he thinks we can be lovers and confidants. After last night, I realized that what I want is love and commitment in a real relationship. I want to have pure thoughts/speech, and I want to wait to marriage to have sex. This year I struggled with depression and low self esteem a lot, and it's no coincidence that this year I was furthest from God. When I was with Him, I had more surety, I wasn't depressed, and my self esteem was fine. I feel like every area of my life sucks, mental,physical, spiritual. I don't know what to do, where to start, how do I pick up from this? I think changing my number would work somewhat but he'll find another way to contact me. How do I talk to God instead when Im craving human interaction?



Haddasah  For human interaction reconnect with friends  and family or make new ones also find a hobby and get social around that maybe a bible study but be careful not all bible studies or prayer groups are with Jesus and are cults at best self serving money hungry at worst satanic.      

The thing with this guy is you need to put him and yourself to the test. You say he's spiritual which means he's already open to these spiritual ideas. Actually there's hope for even the most jaded person then even where he is now he can understand that you want more. He's proposed 2x and called it off? He's inconsistent and immature I'm not saying he's a bad person he's just not there yet and you need a man who is at least on the right road knows what he wants and is willing to man up and commit. Maybe he's your future husband maybe not but put him to the test.      

 So you also need to work on yourself here spiritually mentally emotionally physically and financially like I said start studying the word of you don't have time to join a bible study or prayer  group do it yourself get study guide and go to it.  Get some other hobbies as well volunteering or working out classes for something you like etc.   After repenting and confessing to God go in hard with prayer and fasting and study. Don't just fly through the verses give it time to sink in and get some understanding and ask a higher up in the church who is trustworthy if you have any questions.    

   Also you said you've had some suicidal thoughts that can only be broken through fasting and prayer that's a demonic stronghold in your life mentally and spiritually you need to take care of that ASAP so a weekend fast prayer and praise and knock it out of your life in Jesus name.  

To help  during this fast prayer say the 7 penitential psalms  Psalms 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130, and 143  And pick out 7 psalms of praise and adoration to the Lord and say those at the end of each day to thank God for your healing and deliverance. Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!      

Let this guy know where you stand on purpose  and that this is what it takes to be with you tell him you're not putting all the blame on him cause you both got tempted which is natural God created us we are sexual beings and you cannot get control over it until you acknowledge and accept it.   Figure out what you want in a man your husband tell this guy that you've rededicated your life to Jesus and promised to do things in his way especially concerning romantic relationships.     

   Now you tell him that you can't hang out or be friends with benefits or F  buddies (you weren't) Whatever other terms people have for casual dating and casual sex with no purpose or plan 

 If he meant all those things he said and the proposal and he wants to be with you he should respect your beliefs and step up and please don't contact you if he's not ready for a real committed relationship (if he wants to mess around or make out etc) in this manner tell him to look up biblical courtship of he's got questions where you got all these ideas from. Don't sit around and answer those questions for him also he may also have other work to do on himself in his life before he's ready for real commitment. If you want send him the links to some biblical manhood and courtship vids I will post below.         

 And look it up yourself before you speak to him so you know what your talking about.  Then stop taking his calls for a while make him work for your attention and time if he wants you like he says he will show you that he's getting with the program because he's thought it over and he will  move heaven and earth if he doesn't then you've just weeded out a imposter to the king you want as your husband  Amen !       

 Oh check out these books    Real Love    
  If you really loved me     
10 things women do to ruin their lives.        
And the engagement episode of 19kids and counting. The Duggars   Found it   http://youtu.be/wgTvA1PiUno 

Now about the impure thoughts those are going to come  just don't entertain and dwell on those thoughts  were supposed to be attracted to each other but we're to keep it within the right context keeping the physical and touching to just holding hands no making out not staying late home alone etc. it's bound to get out of hand if you and he don't set up boundaries and stick to them.   God Bless      
 Look up  Psalm 31   Both men and women should read this Psalm it's actually directed to young men on how to choose a wife.       

http://www.amazon.com/You-Really-Loved-Questions-Relationships/dp/0867169095 
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0898706130/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1419015831&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70 

 Videos Biblical courtship   http://youtu.be/AP6cc2aBecE http://youtu.be/cbL5qtRgO84 http://youtu.be/JGx9b5T8SeY 

    Biblical manhood   http://youtu.be/oyVxMAo-Pyg 

http://youtu.be/1U-JmgBnFHk 

  Videos for you alone on biblical womanhood    http://youtu.be/9kQ5v_tEAEw


----------



## Lucia

whosthatgurl said:


> It's just literally gotten worse. I sat on my floor last night and cried my eyes out. I don't know why it hurts this bad.  He's literally done with me after I asked if he was done using me ( a whole conversation before happened.) Saying that he didn't want to be physically around me, but he would still call and text me. I asked him what was the point. and he said, well I don't have to call you then, I'll just say hey at work. But then after I asked him about the using me thing, he refuses to talk to me at all.  I haven't felt like this in just about ever. Not even with my ex boyfriend. It just hurts.


 whosthatgurl  Sorry this is happening to you. He probably can't answer you because he's feeling guilty and he doesn't want to see himself as the bad guy or the user so he's putting that on you flipping the script is a players tried and true response to everything.   Now here's some things you should try  Get some prayer and bible reading going on  And don't punish yourself for this everyone's slips gets tricked etc. ask God to forgive you and forgive yourself we all fall short of the glory.    I know you're hurting but this is a MUST at work WOMAN UP!  Act like he doesn't matter to you romantically and you've already forgotten about it. If he refers to it go with the what happened? Then do you're best Meryl Streep and dismiss him with was that all.  Also if you upped your game style and hair wise for work that would really show that he hasn't affected you like he thinks. don't fall into the Im sad and dressing badly syndrome don't give him that satisfaction of thinking he's got you he hasn't earned you as a friend much less a girlfreind. 

  Don't be angry mean resentful ask why or any questions about his life where he's going who he's dating nothing just treat him like another coworker kill him with kindness if he tells you stuff out of the blue just react like any other co worker had told you something  don't go out of your way to do him any favors don't give him any compliments or if he asks for a favor tell him you can't you're all booked up, busy, going sky diving whatever.  

This is to give yourself space and room away from him and to show him that you don't need him. Now work on yourself see my post response to Hadasah above ^^  God Bless


----------



## whosthatgurl

Lucia said:


> whosthatgurl  Sorry this is happening to you. He probably can't answer you because he's feeling guilty and he doesn't want to see himself as the bad guy or the user so he's putting that on you flipping the script is a players tried and true response to everything.   Now here's some things you should try  Get some prayer and bible reading going on  And don't punish yourself for this everyone's slips gets tricked etc. ask God to forgive you and forgive yourself we all fall short of the glory.    I know you're hurting but this is a MUST at work WOMAN UP!  Act like he doesn't matter to you romantically and you've already forgotten about it. If he refers to it go with the what happened? Then do you're best Meryl Streep and dismiss him with was that all.  Also if you upped your game style and hair wise for work that would really show that he hasn't affected you like he thinks. don't fall into the Im sad and dressing badly syndrome don't give him that satisfaction of thinking he's got you he hasn't earned you as a friend much less a girlfreind.
> 
> Don't be angry mean resentful ask why or any questions about his life where he's going who he's dating nothing just treat him like another coworker kill him with kindness if he tells you stuff out of the blue just react like any other co worker had told you something  don't go out of your way to do him any favors don't give him any compliments or if he asks for a favor tell him you can't you're all booked up, busy, going sky diving whatever.
> 
> This is to give yourself space and room away from him and to show him that you don't need him. Now work on yourself see my post response to Hadasah above ^^  God Bless



Thank you.  I'm actually feeling a little better.  I ended up talking to him again the next day, but it's come down to, if you don't care, then I won't care either.  It's not fair to me.  

And I have my hair appointment booked next week 

But I was talking with another poster here (who I appreciate this greatly this week), and it's time to focus on me.  

Thank you again.  :hug:


----------



## Haddasah

Lucia said:


> Haddasah  For human interaction reconnect with friends  and family or make new ones also find a hobby and get social around that maybe a bible study but be careful not all bible studies or prayer groups are with Jesus and are cults at best self serving money hungry at worst satanic.
> 
> The thing with this guy is you need to put him and yourself to the test. You say he's spiritual which means he's already open to these spiritual ideas. Actually there's hope for even the most jaded person then even where he is now he can understand that you want more. He's proposed 2x and called it off? He's inconsistent and immature I'm not saying he's a bad person he's just not there yet and you need a man who is at least on the right road knows what he wants and is willing to man up and commit. Maybe he's your future husband maybe not but put him to the test.
> 
> So you also need to work on yourself here spiritually mentally emotionally physically and financially like I said start studying the word of you don't have time to join a bible study or prayer  group do it yourself get study guide and go to it.  Get some other hobbies as well volunteering or working out classes for something you like etc.   After repenting and confessing to God go in hard with prayer and fasting and study. Don't just fly through the verses give it time to sink in and get some understanding and ask a higher up in the church who is trustworthy if you have any questions.
> 
> Also you said you've had some suicidal thoughts that can only be broken through fasting and prayer that's a demonic stronghold in your life mentally and spiritually you need to take care of that ASAP so a weekend fast prayer and praise and knock it out of your life in Jesus name.
> 
> To help  during this fast prayer say the 7 penitential psalms  Psalms 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130, and 143  And pick out 7 psalms of praise and adoration to the Lord and say those at the end of each day to thank God for your healing and deliverance. Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
> 
> Let this guy know where you stand on purpose  and that this is what it takes to be with you tell him you're not putting all the blame on him cause you both got tempted which is natural God created us we are sexual beings and you cannot get control over it until you acknowledge and accept it.   Figure out what you want in a man your husband tell this guy that you've rededicated your life to Jesus and promised to do things in his way especially concerning romantic relationships.
> 
> Now you tell him that you can't hang out or be friends with benefits or F  buddies (you weren't) Whatever other terms people have for casual dating and casual sex with no purpose or plan
> 
> If he meant all those things he said and the proposal and he wants to be with you he should respect your beliefs and step up and please don't contact you if he's not ready for a real committed relationship (if he wants to mess around or make out etc) in this manner tell him to look up biblical courtship of he's got questions where you got all these ideas from. Don't sit around and answer those questions for him also he may also have other work to do on himself in his life before he's ready for real commitment. If you want send him the links to some biblical manhood and courtship vids I will post below.
> 
> And look it up yourself before you speak to him so you know what your talking about.  Then stop taking his calls for a while make him work for your attention and time if he wants you like he says he will show you that he's getting with the program because he's thought it over and he will  move heaven and earth if he doesn't then you've just weeded out a imposter to the king you want as your husband  Amen !
> 
> Oh check out these books    Real Love
> If you really loved me
> 10 things women do to ruin their lives.
> And the engagement episode of 19kids and counting. The Duggars   Found it   http://youtu.be/wgTvA1PiUno
> 
> Now about the impure thoughts those are going to come  just don't entertain and dwell on those thoughts  were supposed to be attracted to each other but we're to keep it within the right context keeping the physical and touching to just holding hands no making out not staying late home alone etc. it's bound to get out of hand if you and he don't set up boundaries and stick to them.   God Bless
> Look up  Psalm 31   Both men and women should read this Psalm it's actually directed to young men on how to choose a wife.
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/You-Really-Loved-Questions-Relationships/dp/0867169095
> http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0898706130/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1419015831&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70
> 
> Videos Biblical courtship   http://youtu.be/AP6cc2aBecE http://youtu.be/cbL5qtRgO84 http://youtu.be/JGx9b5T8SeY
> 
> Biblical manhood   http://youtu.be/oyVxMAo-Pyg
> 
> http://youtu.be/1U-JmgBnFHk
> 
> Videos for you alone on biblical womanhood    http://youtu.be/9kQ5v_tEAEw



Thank you! I appreciate all of the advice. I haven't spoken to him since, I was so full of anxiety everytime my phone  rang. I lost my appetite, dizzy, and nauseous, I am better now but want to do more praying before I talk to him whenever he calls.

Both times that he proposed, I rejected him. I want someone who is a spiritual leader, that has always been my issue with him. He sometimes says things that are anti-religion but then he will say things about us going to church as a family, future children learning the word, and other positive things about the scriptures. One time, he was telling me how upset he was that the Noah movie wasn't biblical accurate. I don't understand him, I think he says those things to impress me. 

You're right about me needing to take out time to work on myself. The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster which ended with me having deep depression this year, Im trying out different Christian therapist, I don't want medication as I believe my depression is more circumstantial than chemical.
I feel like everything about me (physical,spiritual,mental,financial, educational, hobbies/interest) was slowly eroded over a few years, and with God it will be restored...all and then some. I'm praying for complete healing, I want wholeness in Christ. Nothing is impossible with God! 

Satan wanted to kill, steal, and destroy( and he almost did) BUT GOD also has a plan and purpose for me, an abundant life filled with love, hope, and faith. 

Thank you!


----------



## Lucia

Haddasah said:


> Thank you! I appreciate all of the advice. I haven't spoken to him since, I was so full of anxiety everytime my phone  rang. I lost my appetite, dizzy, and nauseous, I am better now but want to do more praying before I talk to him whenever he calls.  Both times that he proposed, I rejected him. I want someone who is a spiritual leader, that has always been my issue with him. He sometimes says things that are anti-religion but then he will say things about us going to church as a family, future children learning the word, and other positive things about the scriptures. One time, he was telling me how upset he was that the Noah movie wasn't biblical accurate. I don't understand him, I think he says those things to impress me.  You're right about me needing to take out time to work on myself. The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster which ended with me having deep depression this year, Im trying out different Christian therapist, I don't want medication as I believe my depression is more circumstantial than chemical. I feel like everything about me (physical,spiritual,mental,financial, educational, hobbies/interest) was slowly eroded over a few years, and with God it will be restored...all and then some. I'm praying for complete healing, I want wholeness in Christ. Nothing is impossible with God!  Satan wanted to kill, steal, and destroy( and he almost did) BUT GOD also has a plan and purpose for me, an abundant life filled with love, hope, and faith.  Thank you!



Haddasah

 You could also do this via hand written letter or email letter has more impact though if you can't speak to him yet. But so it when you're ready for the callback  Also it's easy for people to say anti church things  especially with the imposters running around in church making the church a mockery cause some churches tolerates that foolishness. He may not know how inconsistent he is regarding this shows he's got some work to do too.  Now no man becomes a spiritual leader alone some parent elder in the church has to help also a man who is meant to have a wife and family or wants one will strive towards being a better man and spiritual leader even if he's not there yet. I don't think most men meet the mark alone some are just starting out some are further along some have it all together but they need a woman no righteous Christian woman to help them the rest of the way. IMO God doesn't give us the perfect mate in all things there will be something's he doesn't like about the woman and some things the woman will not like about him and they're together to work on those things together and become better people in Christ.  No man or woman is perfect on this earth only Jesus is  Glad I could help and glad to hear you being positive  God Bless


----------



## mz.rae

I'm really trying to be delicate and patient about this. I recently got in a relationship with this guy and there are some things that bother me about him. But I have been thinking about how to bring it up to him. The thing that bothers me about him is that he never drives when he hang out! Even when he wants to go to church with my mom he never drives. And honestly my mother is starting to get annoyed with him. I really feel it's not fair that he can go and pick up people for church, and drive other people around. But then gets in a relationship and decides to be lazy. I really don't care that he is a deacon, my grandfather was a deacon and still took care of his duties as a man. A lot of people from church keep asking us when the wedding is now that we are together and he says in a year, but honestly I don't see it happening anytime soon.


----------



## dicapr

mz.rae said:


> I'm really trying to be delicate and patient about this. I recently got in a relationship with this guy and there are some things that bother me about him. But I have been thinking about how to bring it up to him. The thing that bothers me about him is that he never drives when he hang out! Even when he wants to go to church with my mom he never drives. And honestly my mother is starting to get annoyed with him. I really feel it's not fair that he can go and pick up people for church, and drive other people around. But then gets in a relationship and decides to be lazy. I really don't care that he is a deacon, my grandfather was a deacon and still took care of his duties as a man. A lot of people from church keep asking us when the wedding is now that we are together and he says in a year, but honestly I don't see it happening anytime soon.



Does he commute for work or drive long distances on the regular basis?  I know when I started commuting to work I started trying to hitch a ride every chance I got. Also find out about the condition of his car. He may have a legitimate reason not to want to drive. And you need to ask yourself why that bothers you so much. Are you just tired of driving everywhere or is it symptomatic of other issues in your relationship?  Is he someone who just sits back and waits or expects others to do for him?


----------



## mz.rae

dicapr said:


> Does he commute for work or drive long distances on the regular basis?  I know when I started commuting to work I started trying to hitch a ride every chance I got. Also find out about the condition of his car. He may have a legitimate reason not to want to drive. And you need to ask yourself why that bothers you so much. Are you just tired of driving everywhere or is it symptomatic of other issues in your relationship?  Is he someone who just sits back and waits or expects others to do for him?



He is unemployed right now, and I feel it bothers me because I am tired of driving everywhere and I just feel it looks bad for a man to have a woman always driving him places. I just like taking turns in relationships so it is equal. But I will ask about his car to see what the deal is with that.

Eta: I just realized I need to have a better attitude. I seen how hard he has to work and do for his family, and I really don't think he means anymore. I really do need to pray and ask for correction of my attitude.


----------



## Maracujá

What have you ladies been up to so far this year? I've decided that I will not date in 2015, pray for me ladies lol. Instead I will continue to school myself on love; I usually attend somekind of seminar about love in february but this  year I'm gonna study love all throughout the year. I'm also taking part in the Singles Academy by blackandmarriedwithkids.com and it's really great, they offer great exercises. 

Would anyone be interested in a single Christian women's random thoughts thread?


----------



## whosthatgurl

Maracujá said:


> What have you ladies been up to so far this year? I've decided that I will not date in 2015, pray for me ladies lol. Instead I will continue to school myself on love; I usually attend somekind of seminar about love in february but this  year I'm gonna study love all throughout the year. I'm also taking part in the Singles Academy by blackandmarriedwithkids.com and it's really great, they offer great exercises.  Would anyone be interested in a single Christian women's random thoughts thread?


    Currently I'm bawling my eyes out.   I just posted in the other thread on the relationship forum, but I'm being left for the "baby mama". It's too much to type out right now. As far as the current conversation is going. 

  But I've been crying non stop for an hour and have physically been sick.  

  I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.


----------



## Divine.

Maracujá said:


> What have you ladies been up to so far this year? I've decided that I will not date in 2015, pray for me ladies lol. Instead I will continue to school myself on love; I usually attend somekind of seminar about love in february but this  year I'm gonna study love all throughout the year. I'm also taking part in the Singles Academy by blackandmarriedwithkids.com and it's really great, they offer great exercises.
> 
> Would anyone be interested in a single Christian women's random thoughts thread?



I support a Single Christian Women's Random Thoughts! That's how I use this thread most of the time anyways. I haven't been up to much. My dating life has been pretty much non-existent for the past year (in a good way ). However, I'm still learning to let go of one guy I really liked. It's been a long time coming but I think I'm finally in a good place. 

I grew so tired of always being treated second best that now I don't make exceptions for anyone. I refuse to let another man in unless God says so.


----------



## mz.rae

............


----------



## blessedandfavoured

mz.rae said:


> I miss getting ready and a guy coming and picking me up for a date. Matter of fact I just miss being in a relationship with a guy and he comes and gets me and we just hang out all day. Yeah the current guy has a relationship with God, likes to pray, and talk about God. But to me that is not enough, it's like something is missing. I don't like meeting up somewhere with a person that I am suppose to be in a relationship when we live 5 minutes away from each other. I don't like seeing someone have no problem picking up people for church that live on the other side of town, but can't pick up their girlfriend every once in awhile. And when we aren't doing the "meet up" thing I don't like having to drive all the time and any man who thinks this is ok ought to be ashamed of themselves. I don't like feeling like I am left out, when I get in a relationship with someone they become a part of my world. I don't just let them in on bits and pieces of my world. And if anyone has a problem with it I let them know this is who I am with and if I want them there then they will be there. I don't like timid, have a hard time speaking up. I don't know maybe I am just spoiled. *My ex wasn't the best, but when we first started dating he really excelled in those areas.*



Hi mz.rae, this quote is attributed to Charles Spurgeon: “Begin as you mean to go on, and go on as you began, and let the Lord be all in all to you.”

Whilst this is in reference to our relationship with God, it's good advice for all spheres of life.  There's no point complaining to us about the man you're seeing - we can't change his behaviour, nor can we tell you his motives or reasons.  Only he can do that, so I'd suggest that you have an honest, prayer-preceded conversation with him to work out what's up.  

It may be that he's worried about being alone with you, because he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep things pure.  It could be that he's selfish and inconsiderate.  I don't know - pray about it, then ask him.  If you don't want/intend to put up with this stuff in the long run, don't tolerate it now.  Is it a deal-breaker?  Decide and let him know!

Regarding the bolded, the dude is still your ex, though, proving that some things are more important than others.  Maybe this guy has good reason for what he's doing.  Until you ask him, you may never know.  God bless you as you continue to seek to honour Him in your relationships.


----------



## mz.rae

blessedandfavoured said:


> Hi mz.rae, this quote is attributed to Charles Spurgeon: “Begin as you mean to go on, and go on as you began, and let the Lord be all in all to you.”
> 
> Whilst this is in reference to our relationship with God, it's good advice for all spheres of life.  There's no point complaining to us about the man you're seeing - we can't change his behaviour, nor can we tell you his motives or reasons.  Only he can do that, so I'd suggest that you have an honest, prayer-preceded conversation with him to work out what's up.
> 
> It may be that he's worried about being alone with you, because he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep things pure.  It could be that he's selfish and inconsiderate.  I don't know - pray about it, then ask him.  If you don't want/intend to put up with this stuff in the long run, don't tolerate it now.  Is it a deal-breaker?  Decide and let him know!
> 
> Regarding the bolded, the dude is still your ex, though, proving that some things are more important than others.  Maybe this guy has good reason for what he's doing.  Until you ask him, you may never know.  God bless you as you continue to seek to honour Him in your relationships.



Thank you so much for your response. You are so right! Thank you again! I actually feel bad for saying all this stuff about him now. It really is hard to speak up, after being with someone that always made my speaking up or asking questions as an opportunity to turn it into a fight. I pray for strength in over coming this.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Just sharing my daily devotional for today with you guys... I hope it's big enough to see.


----------



## Nic_Cali

bellatiamarie said:


> Just sharing my daily devotional for today with you guys... I hope it's big enough to see.



I'm sure this has been mentioned up thread, but what book are you reading?  

TIA


----------



## bellatiamarie

Nic_Cali said:


> I'm sure this has been mentioned up thread, but what book are you reading?
> 
> TIA



Hey... it's a printed daily devotional that I get from a church. It's called "The Word For You Today"


----------



## mz.rae

Hey ladies are there any good sermons on YouTube to look at regarding courtship?


----------



## Divine.

mz.rae said:


> Hey ladies are there any good sermons on YouTube to look at regarding courtship?



Idk sermons off the top of my head but Ashley Empowers has a lot of videos regarding people's experiences courting.


----------



## Nic_Cali

bellatiamarie said:


> Hey... it's a printed daily devotional that I get from a church. It's called "The Word For You Today"



Ok, thank you! I will see if my church has it too.


----------



## mz.rae

Divine. said:


> Idk sermons off the top of my head but Ashley Empowers has a lot of videos regarding people's experiences courting.



Thank you! I'm going to check them out!


----------



## nlamr2013

Divine. said:


> Idk sermons off the top of my head but Ashley Empowers has a lot of videos regarding people's experiences courting.



Second I life them some are long though lol.


----------



## DreamLife

I'm always attracting either non religious guys or Christians who are really questioning their faith/leaving the faith.  I need to take a look at myself and see what I'm putting out there to keep attracting this. I'm glad as soon as  a guy shows interest I bring up religion within the first 30 minutes of talking. I know a lot of people don't like to get into those subjects that quickly but id rather figure out what I'm dealing with sooner than later.   

Maybe I seem more secular and that's why I attract what I attract. I basically live (work tons of hours a week) with athiests and agnostics and they seem to have more of an influence on me than me on them.


----------



## Phoenix14

DreamLife said:


> I'm always attracting either non religious guys or Christians who are really questioning their faith/leaving the faith.  I need to take a look at myself and see what I'm putting out there to keep attracting this. I'm glad as soon as  a guy shows interest I bring up religion within the first 30 minutes of talking. I know a lot of people don't like to get into those subjects that quickly but id rather figure out what I'm dealing with sooner than later.
> 
> Maybe I seem more secular and that's why I attract what I attract. I basically live (work tons of hours a week) with athiests and agnostics and they seem to have more of an influence on me than me on them.



Be encouraged sis. You're doing the right thing by bringing up faith early on. My ex's mother (ironic I know) advised me to ask a man what his relationship with God was, but also if he is indwelt with the Holy Spirit. That's the difference. I don't want someone who believes in God. I want someone who is led by the Holy Spirit in all that he does. 

Regarding your impact on those around you, I started praying that the Lord would use me as a living testimony and to allow His light to shine through me. Even the devil can't ignore the presence of God.


----------



## futureapl

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what is going on with me right now, but lately I've been feeling as though I'll never get married. I'm starting to believe that there must be something wrong with me.


----------



## Nice Lady

futureapl said:


> Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what is going on with me right now, but lately I've been feeling as though I'll never get married. I'm starting to believe that there must be something wrong with me.


 I will keep you in prayer. Disregard those thoughts, negative advice and those who will discourage you from accomplishing this goal. It will happen when it's the *right time.* Don't run ahead of God's timing


----------



## Divine.

Why is it that some people have testimonies about submitting to God and they meet their husband a month later, then you have other people who have submitted to God but don't meet their husbands for years?

I lowkey get jealous when I hear stories like that. Then I start questioning why God puts me through all these obstacles while he lets another woman off the hook. If I gotta through all this, everyone else needs to too 

I'm just venting. I have been through a lot in the past few weeks and seeing people do nothing and receive everything really irks me.


----------



## Maracujá

Valentine's Day is fast approaching and since I've never celebrated it with a SO in like ever...I've come up with this ritual now for the past two to three years of doing something on my own. Always related to learning more about love though. The Museum of Art nearby is showcasing love letters written in times of peace and war and I'm planning on attending it on Valentine's Day. Problem is they're doing something especially for couples on that day so I don't know if they'll allow me in...singlism is real 'round these parts y'all lol.


----------



## Divine.

I had a moment to cool off  I totally forgot valentines day was coming up! I'll be at work so thankfully I will be distracted lol


----------



## Kacie

In process of listening to this message.. "The Reason for the Wait"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VgHtHf6yj8


----------



## whosthatgurl

I'm convinced that there is nobody out there for me.


----------



## JaneBond007

whosthatgurl said:


> I'm convinced that there is nobody out there for me.



"...there is not just anyone for you...but only one."    Turn that around to a positive.


----------



## lalah

Kacie said:


> In process of listening to this message.. "The Reason for the Wait" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VgHtHf6yj8



I've been listening to her Youtube videos all weekend and they have truly spoke truth into me by showing me the error of my ways. What a blessing!


----------



## Kacie

lalah said:


> I've been listening to her Youtube videos all weekend and they have truly spoke truth into me by showing me the error of my ways. What a blessing!



Wonderful! I'm so thankful to God for leading me to her channel. Her explanation of "celibate fornicator" had me looking over my shoulder. 

Recently I've began considering myself "expectant" instead of "single" because I'm already betrothed in the spiritual realm, just awaiting physical manifestation. If you know you're someone's wife, your faithfulness to that man should begin before you even meet. Her messages were on track with my revelation.  

Tiffany has a blog too: http://www.wiseherstill.com/?m=1


----------



## Kacie

whosthatgurl said:


> I'm convinced that there is nobody out there for me.



whosthatgurl , I believed the same for a very very long time. For me it boiled down to ego (thinking my quirky misfit nature couldn't meet a match), not forgiving myself for my sins....and subsequently not realizing how much God loves me. I thought my bad deeds demoted me in His eyes. 

He fixed it my improving my personal relationship with Him which led to a strengthening of faith, character, & conduct. God knew us before we were created, I just can not believe He would not make provision to satisfy desires that are aligned with His word.


----------



## Divine.

Kacie said:


> In process of listening to this message.. "The Reason for the Wait" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VgHtHf6yj8



This message was timely! The only thing really keeping me from my spouse is just letting go of my past. That whole process has been extremely difficult. That's where my rant stemmed from  I wish I could just wake up one day and get over it so I can move on with my life. But alas, it's not that simple.  

I think I'm in love with idea of marriage, but not marriage itself. Randomly someone tried to hook me up this weekend and I immediately shut it down. If this person was truly my husband (hypothetically) that means I have to spend the rest of my life with him! Only death can separate us. Idk if I'm ready for that. I like having someone around but not enough to marry them (in this stage of my life). I love the freedom I have being single. Being single only bothers me when I want companionship.


----------



## stephluv

Kacie said:


> whosthatgurl , I believed the same for a very very long time. For me it boiled down to ego (thinking my quirky misfit nature couldn't meet a match), not forgiving myself for my sins....and subsequently not realizing how much God loves me. I thought my bad deeds demoted me in His eyes.
> 
> He fixed it my improving my personal relationship with Him which led to a strengthening of faith, character, & conduct. God knew us before we were created, I just can not believe He would not make provision to satisfy desires that are aligned with His word.




I'm going through this now Kacie 
I'm working on believing I'm worthy of a husband I'm praying myself out of depression and unforgiveness of past mistakes It's my process to progress


----------



## Divine.

Random thought:
Being saved won't keep you from falling for the wrong men. You must continually renew your mind and guard your heart against counterfeits. I thought I was protected because of my relationship with God. However, God gave us all free will to do what we please. That even includes choosing to cut off a random or entertaining him because you believe in his potential. The choice is all ours. 

Even if you don't understand, listen to God's voice. He won't lie or mislead you. Just trust him.


----------



## BrownSkinPoppin

Wow. I came across this thread at the perfect time because I just asked God to mend my broken heart.   My boyfriend and I broke up in the beginning of December and it's been very hard for me to move on. We were together for two and a half years.   I've gone on dates and started opening myself up to meeting new ppl but just the other day I found myself crying myself to sleep about him.   

So since this is the Christian thread I'm going to share my story so that you all can pray for me and maybe offer Christian advice.   

Long story short I stuck with him through a lot. He confessed to cheating on me and I forgave him. He had a brief stint of mental instability due to him smoking marijuana that his family believes may have been laced. 

This caused him to be hospitalized twice (on the mental health floor) and he was kicked out of his apartment for walking around the complex naked. He would have moments when he would turn into a completely.different. person. It was almost like he was schizophrenic or bipolar (the doctors didn't diagnose him with anything. They just said he needed to stop smoking). He would become verbally abusive and accuse me of all kind of crazy things.   It was a very scary couple of months for me but I prayed and prayed and prayed that he would go back to his normal self.   

After he got kicked out of his apt he moved in with his grandparents while he was trying to look for a new place to stay. I found a very nice three bedroom three bathroom house for him, he saw it, liked it and moved in.   It took maybe three months for him to become normal again. He's his old self again and hasn't exhibited any new strange behavior. To this day that whole thing is still confusing to me.   

  We broke up because I felt like I wasn't getting the love I deserved and so I asked him if he wanted to end it (because he had been treated me so bad). And he said yeah. He would go days without calling or texting me. He wouldn't return my phone calls in a timely manner. Wasn't affectionate anymore. I treated him better than his own family did. And it really hurt me that he dropped me like I was some girl he met at the club. I still cry about it...almost three months later      I don't know what took me so long but I finally asked god to help me through this and heal m broken heart. So keep me in your prayers


----------



## Lucia

Check out Brother Carlos he's preaching about singleness divorce or marital curses check it out interesting 

http://youtu.be/WEnkRXCs-vE


----------



## whosthatgurl

** I posted part of this in the other relationships thread, because I actually have questions about how I'm feeling, and I think it belongs here**

-I don't know if I consider this a date, since I didn't eat...

But I met up with this guy that is friends with me on Facebook... he is a young preacher, nice and country.  

Oddest place I could have met him though.. It was at a wing place downtown, and I told him that I didn't want to eat (I'm still full from eating earlier).

Anyway.  Conversation was flowing very nicely, until he asked me about what church I attend... it just went downhill from there. 

I try to keep in mind that everyone has an opinion and everyone is not going to like what I like, nor agree with everything that I'm accustomed to, but I'm just like come on man.  Like don't dog my ministry and the leader of the house in my face. 

I've been feeling uncomfortable ever since.  I'm the type of person that I think "long-term" when it comes to dating now, because I don't want to waste anymore time, and it's a shame that I don't really feel like I can continue anything because he doesn't fully accept the church that I go to.  Like him and someone else just basically labeled me because of where I go. On top of that, I would feel mad shady introducing him to my pastor down the road if anything were to happen, because of what was said tonight. 

Now I'm mad 


- QUESTIONS:

Has anyone ever had a problem with someone that you're considering dating, or seeing; having a problem with the leader of your church/ and the church in general? 

I'm actually turned off by even interacting with him any further because of it.  I know everyone isn't going to love my church/leader, but I love where I am, and I wouldn't want anyone's negativity about it around me.


----------



## Lucia

whosthatgurl said:


> ** I posted part of this in the other relationships thread, because I actually have questions about how I'm feeling, and I think it belongs here**  -I don't know if I consider this a date, since I didn't eat...  But I met up with this guy that is friends with me on Facebook... he is a young preacher, nice and country.  Oddest place I could have met him though.. It was at a wing place downtown, and I told him that I didn't want to eat (I'm still full from eating earlier).  Anyway.  Conversation was flowing very nicely, until he asked me about what church I attend... it just went downhill from there.  I try to keep in mind that everyone has an opinion and everyone is not going to like what I like, nor agree with everything that I'm accustomed to, but I'm just like come on man.  Like don't dog my ministry and the leader of the house in my face.  I've been feeling uncomfortable ever since.  I'm the type of person that I think "long-term" when it comes to dating now, because I don't want to waste anymore time, and it's a shame that I don't really feel like I can continue anything because he doesn't fully accept the church that I go to.  Like him and someone else just basically labeled me because of where I go. On top of that, I would feel mad shady introducing him to my pastor down the road if anything were to happen, because of what was said tonight.  Now I'm mad   - QUESTIONS:  Has anyone ever had a problem with someone that you're considering dating, or seeing; having a problem with the leader of your church/ and the church in general?  I'm actually turned off by even interacting with him any further because of it.  I know everyone isn't going to love my church/leader, but I love where I am, and I wouldn't want anyone's negativity about it around me.



whosthatgurl

If you're considering courting take time to get to know him as a friend first make this the rule for all suitors no exceptions.

 Find out why he feels this way he might have a point or he might just be talking smack and if you're getting the something's not right feeling than just distance yourself keep it acquaintance level then. If he's ok on your radar then see where it goes don't make it exclusive until he declares his love intentions proposes etc you know.


----------



## whosthatgurl

Lucia said:


> whosthatgurl
> 
> If you're considering courting take time to get to know him as a friend first make this the rule for all suitors no exceptions.
> 
> Find out why he feels this way he might have a point or he might just be talking smack and if you're getting the something's not right feeling than just distance yourself keep it acquaintance level then. If he's ok on your radar then see where it goes don't make it exclusive until he declares his love intentions proposes etc you know.



I will, the more I think about it, the more I just don't want to even consider it.  I talked with another friend, and I have an idea as to why he said that, not like it makes it any better. 

But I will definitely take your advice.  Thank you.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I always feel the most lonely after Mass on Sundays.  I go to church, enjoy the service, receive Holy Communion, sometimes stay to pray and then come home to an empty apartment.  Sunday evenings are already hard, because the weekend is ending and you have to prepare to start the work week.  Anyone else experience something similar?? Any suggestions?  I want to nip this in the bud because I notice a pattern and that it is happening more frequently.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> I always feel the most lonely after Mass on Sundays.  I go to church, enjoy the service, receive Holy Communion, sometimes stay to pray and then come home to an empty apartment.  Sunday evenings are already hard, because the weekend is ending and you have to prepare to start the work week.  Anyone else experience something similar?? Any suggestions?  I want to nip this in the bud because I notice a pattern and that it is happening more frequently.



Belle Du Jour 

I'm sorry your feeling like this.  You don't have to answer any of this here but just ask this of yourself privately and see what comes up.  Is there a strong reason you're living alone away from your family I mean mom pop siblings?  If it's family issues then you have no choice but to suck it up and find some other positive support network and maybe consider getting a dog if you like animals and are not allergic of course.    

If it's for work or school and you don't live that far from home then consider moving back home.  Culturally grown children didn't move out until after the 2nd world war in the states. UK started even earlier.   Pretty much everywhere else in the world grown kids stay home until they're married settled and then they move out to live with their spouse doesn't matter if it's a guy either. This whole you must move out to prove your independence is not only dangerous I'm many ways like emotionally physically and spiritually.  There this thing like your a loser of you live at home. Well not if you're a well adjusted productive adult. And contribute to the household.  I don't see anything wrong with a man who's living at home has a career has goals is well adjusted adult read not crazy helps out financially and all ways at home.   

That's different from the loser type who could live at home or live with 12 roommates and it's basically and R rated frat house. If he can't hold a job doesn't have goals a career etc than the fact that he's not living at home doesn't automatically make him a good catch.    When singles move out the easier it is for them to fall prey to bad suitors boyfriends and girlfriends that they would not have normally even considered but loneliness makes a bad counselor.    

A single woman living in her own or even a single man for that matter wasn't encouraged in the bible. Where a young man would go complete a mission or some work then they would come back home to their family right. So they weren't out on their own permanently.   And let's tell the real truth and keep it 100% if you're not far away for certain work or school why are you staying there alone?   The main reason young adults want to move out or are encouraged to do so is so that they can sleep around and not have to respect the family home or answer to anyone and do whatever they want.


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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Belle Du Jour
> 
> I'm sorry your feeling like this.
> You don't have to answer any of this here but just ask this of yourself privately and see what comes up.
> Is there a strong reason you're living alone away from your family I mean mom pop siblings?  If it's family issues then you have no choice but to suck it up and find some other positive support network and maybe consider getting a dog if you like animals and are not allergic of course.
> 
> If it's for work or school and you don't live that far from home then consider moving back home.
> Culturally grown children didn't move out until after the 2nd world war in the states. UK started even earlier.
> 
> Pretty much everywhere else in the world grown kids stay home until they're married settled and then they move out to live with their spouse doesn't matter if it's a guy either. This whole you must move out to prove your independence is not only dangerous I'm many ways like emotionally physically and spiritually.
> There this thing like your a loser of you live at home. Well not if you're a well adjusted productive adult. And contribute to the household.  I don't see anything wrong with a man who's living at home has a career has goals is well adjusted adult read not crazy helps out financially and all ways at home.
> 
> That's different from the loser type who cold live at home or live with 12 roommates and it's basically and R rated frat house. If he can't hold a job doesn't have goals a career etc than the fact that he's not living at home doesn't automatically make him a good catch.
> 
> When singles move out the easier it is for them to fall prey to bad suitors boyfriends and girlfriends that they would not have normally even considered but loneliness makes a bad counselor.
> 
> A single woman living in her own or even a single man for that matter wasn't encouraged in the bible. Where a young man would go complete a mission or some work then they would come back home to their family right. So they weren't out on their own permanently.
> 
> And let's tell the real truth and keep it 100% if you're not far away for certain work or school why are you staying there alone?
> 
> The main reason young adults want to move out or are encouraged to do so is so that they can sleep around and not have to respect the family home or answer to anyone and do whatever they want.



Excellent questions.  I don't live in the same city as my family so that's why I am alone in my city.  I think you have a point about the dangers of living alone for younger singles, but as a woman in my 30s, I think it's acceptable to want to be independent.  Unfortunately, society has screwed things up for many of us so we are living single much longer than we would have in the past.  I think a model where single men and women live with their parents and have their parents involved in the courtship is great if you are younger, but after a certain age, it isn't feasible.  Also, if your parents don't share the same faith as you, it's also not feasible.  But you do make some great points.  If I was in my 20s, I would think hard about being out on my own.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Excellent questions.  I don't live in the same city as my family so that's why I am alone in my city.  I think you have a point about the dangers of living alone for younger singles, but as a woman in my 30s, I think it's acceptable to want to be independent.  Unfortunately, society has screwed things up for many of us so we are living single much longer than we would have in the past.  I think a model where single men and women live with their parents and have their parents involved in the courtship is great if you are younger, but after a certain age, it isn't feasible.  Also, if your parents don't share the same faith as you, it's also not feasible.  But you do make some great points.  If I was in my 20s, I would think hard about being out on my own.


 Belle Du Jour 

 I think you missed my point it is not and shouldn't be an age thing it's a family and respect thing when your out on your own men think they can just stop by or slowly move in on you and then their living in why cause nobody else is there looking out for you.   Please be careful and watch out for that.   Now if your family don't share your faith or views then your probably better on your own. But you do need to get some like minded friends or join the catholic young adults group or ladies group bible study rosary prayer sessions at your church etc. that way you'll have faith based people around you. Also if you look to secular or non faith based activities you'll still have some grounding type friends so you stay on he Godly path.  Even if your independent and on your own you still need a support network. HTH


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## kanozas

Lucia a lot of minorities who are catholic are converts and are the sole catholics in their families.  As for people living singly, you mention WWII.  It's been ages since then and it's the norm.  Please don't make the mistake in assuming most people want to sleep around.  They are taking on adult responsibility and growing.  It's not wrong to be on your own - not unbiblical.  Many things we do today don't mimick the cultural time of scripture.  It was a different era and people, for most.


----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> Lucia a lot of minorities who are catholic are converts and are the sole catholics in their families.  As for people living singly, you mention WWII.  It's been ages since then and it's the norm.  Please don't make the mistake in assuming most people want to sleep around.  They are taking on adult responsibility and growing.  It's not wrong to be on your own - not unbiblical.  Many things we do today don't mimick the cultural time of scripture.  It was a different era and people, for most.



kanozas 
@Belle Du Jour 

Thanks for the pov I didn't think of that at first of someone being the sole convert until previous poster mentioned that her family does not have the same belief or faith. Now for the sleeping around I wasn't accusing or inferring that's why she's on her own. 

    I stated work and school first I was putting that out there as in general in the secular world that's one big reason among some others that people want to be on their own.  

Being on your own is not wrong in and of itself but if you have other positive options then it's something to think about. 
Belle Du Jour   hope I didn't offend.       

Romans 2:12   New Living Translation Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  http://www.truewoman.com/?id=1766


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## kanozas

Hi Lucia.   I know what you're saying and we do have admonition but I don't think G-d is talking about good customs of the world.  It's largely up to your culture, church and individual interpretation, I realize.    We catholics have our Magisterium and there's nothing in it that states we have to live with our parents to avoid the look of sin.  If people are going to think ill of someone, they are going to do it no matter what.   That's why I think it's more cultural.  It's not much of an issue in mine.


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## Belle Du Jour

http://theveilofchastity.com/2015/03/09/i-am-just-an-average-girl/



> . . .In order to give yourself this same permission, you have to believe in the*Supernatural*realm.* It is in this realm where God fulfills His plan.* If your vocation was left simply in the natural realm, then I would advise you to do all you can to capture your man before some other girl gets him.* Help him, contact him first, call him, email him, text him and chase him.* Be the doormat.
> 
> But that is not how God designed us women.* He designed us to be the receivers and the responders.* He designed men to be the initiators and the pursuers.* _Therefore, wait for God to infuse Supernatural grace into your man so that*he will not need your help.* _Of course, this can only happen within the Supernatural realm of God’s will.* So, stay in His will.* Do not stray from His path.


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## Maracujá

^^^^Thank you for posting this. I'm currently struggling with this, there is a man interested in me, my mom says he is Christian yet...he wants me to contact him first via the phone. I feel all kinds of ways about this.


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## kanozas

^^You want _him_ to pursue you.  I get it.  I'm not against modern relationships at all but there's just this vein of men out there who are too interested in what money, prestige, resources etc. she can bring to him.  That's not my kinda guy.  Men are punking out these days.


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## GodsPromises

Haddasah I know this is an old thread but I belong to a free christian dating site www.blackchristiandatingforfree.com. I have met a few nice men from this site and I am now dating one from there now. 



Haddasah said:


> Has anyone done Christian online dating? And if so, which sites? Two of my friends met someone through an online dating site and are now engaged.


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> ^^^^Thank you for posting this. I'm currently struggling with this, there is a man interested in me, my mom says he is Christian yet...he wants me to contact him first via the phone. I feel all kinds of ways about this.



Maracujá 

 I agree 1000%.         

 As a Christian man no heck as a gentleman with some manners he should make the first move this is  just all kinds of lazy.  I may be wrong but it really rubs me the wrong way when I have to do all the initial effort like he couldn't  even be bothered.      

    A family member tried to get me to meet a eligible bachelor and his first contact was some lame text like hey call me if you you want maybe we can talk.  I was totally open and still am to meeting someone and giving them a chance if he had called and I liked his voice or personality I would have met up for lunch or coffee and see how things went.    

  But since that didn't happen  I mean you have my number and you can't even bother to pick up the phone and call I mean I was so beyond and they talked him up so much how he's working responsible good man from a decent family etc. I thought that was kind of rude and showed he was in no way interested in talking to me at all so why should I chase him and knock myself out.  He's the man if he's actually interested then he needs to get off his butt and do something. I don't think 1 phone call is too much to ask.     
 he did see a picture of me months later and then asked who's that and they said oh it's that girl we gave you her number months ago yada yada and I guess by the reaction he gave them and knowing he hadn't tried at all he already knew he had messed up so


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> Maracujá
> 
> I agree 1000%.
> 
> As a Christian man no heck as a gentleman with some manners he should make the first move this is  just all kinds of lazy.  *I may be wrong but it really rubs me the wrong way when I have to do all the initial effort like he couldn't  even be bothered.      *
> 
> A family member tried to get me to meet a eligible bachelor and his first contact was some lame text like hey call me if you you want maybe we can talk.  *I was totally open and still am to meeting someone and giving them a chance if he had called and I liked his voice or personality I would have met up for lunch or coffee and see how things went.
> *
> But since that didn't happen  I mean you have my number and you can't even bother to pick up the phone and call I mean I was so beyond and they talked him up so much how he's working responsible good man from a decent family etc. I thought that was kind of rude and showed he was in no way interested in talking to me at all so why should I chase him and knock myself out.  He's the man if he's actually interested then he needs to get off his butt and do something. *I don't think 1 phone call is too much to ask.
> he did see a picture of me months later and then asked who's that and they said oh it's that girl we gave you her number months ago yada yada and I guess by the reaction he gave them and knowing he hadn't tried at all he already knew he had messed up so *



I totally understand this and lol at him seeing a photo of you and having regrets, newsflash: you could've just called, it really doesn't hurt to try (I'm talking about him). I'm in the same boat right now and thoughts like: you may be missing out keep popping up in my head. But can you imagine years down the line this being the story of how we got together? "Oh, he asked me to call him and I did" 

It's so bizarre, this guy consistently helps my mom and sisters with things that need to get done around the house, how hard can it be for him to ask my number to them? Plus, I've prayed about it and I feel no peace about it. Although desperate feelings are setting in, I've got to continue to be strong. Thanks for sharing your story btw.


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> I totally understand this and lol at him seeing a photo of you and having regrets, newsflash: you could've just called, it really doesn't hurt to try (I'm talking about him). I'm in the same boat right now and thoughts like: you may be missing out keep popping up in my head. But can you imagine years down the line this being the story of how we got together? "Oh, he asked me to call him and I did"    It's so bizarre, this guy consistently helps my mom and sisters with things that need to get done around the house, how hard can it be for him to ask my number to them? Plus, I've prayed about it and I feel no peace about it. Although desperate feelings are setting in, I've got to continue to be strong. Thanks for sharing your story btw.



Maracujá

That is kind of weird though even if you explain it away as him being "shy" he's still in your circle and if he's interested he should at the least meet you half way. 
Have you even met him in person yet?  I mean if when he sees you does he even speak ? 
Even if he runs into you while doing said errands he could start up a friendly convo. 

I'm adding something to my prayers for my future husband Lord give him courage and motivation to step up and be proactive in all things especially pursuit of his future wife.


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## Lucia

2week prayer series 

http://alovelycalling.com/prayers-fo...a-future-wife/

DAY 3  

Dear God, help me to put my trust in you and wait for you to bring my future husband to me in your perfect timing. Help me not to be anxious or worried about when that time will be but to rest and wait on you. Thank you that you have had this man picked out for me before I was even born. Thank you for making him for me. Keep my heart pure and safe in your care so that I will be ready to marry him whenever you choose to bring him along. I love you Jesus. Thank you. Amen


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## Divine.

Lucia I so needed this prayer today! Thank you!


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> Maracujá
> 
> That is kind of weird though even if you explain it away as him being "shy" he's still in your circle and if he's interested he should at the least meet you half way.
> Have you even met him in person yet?  I mean if when he sees you does he even speak ?
> Even if he runs into you while doing said errands he could start up a friendly convo.
> 
> I'm adding something to my prayers for my future husband Lord give him courage and motivation to step up and be proactive in all things especially pursuit of his future wife.



Lucia: I have met him in person and we do speak when we meet, he compliments me and we have nice chats but...he never asks me my number or anything.


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## Divine.

Maracujá said:


> Lucia: I have met him in person and we do speak when we meet, he compliments me and we have nice chats but...he never asks me my number or anything.



I know it may sound outlandish, but some men do get intimidated when approaching women. The men at my church are exactly like that. They will look all day but never approach you. And if and when they do talk to you, it never leads to anything but a friendly convo. 

Maybe he's going through the same process as you. He could be praying about approaching you and is waiting until he gets that peace from God. Who knows! Men don't take hints that well either. It could be written on your face you want him to ask for your number, but he still won't see it  

Be patient. God will move him at the right time.


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## Kacie

"Don’t get married because you think he or she is “the one.” Trust me, they’re not. There’s no such thing! But do get married when you see who God is making somebody to be, and it lights you up. When you want to be a part of that story of transformation. That journey to the future. when you are well aware of it will be a long and bumpy ride, but you don’t want to miss one mile. Because you believe in God’s calling on them, and you want in."

- Loveology by John Mark Comer, lead pastor of A Jesus Church in Portland, OR


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## remnant

Two Christian weddings testimonies and celebrations:

Let us be encouraged!

Egas and Nichole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJGASnHNZRw

Michael and Jessica
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXllmIvLjs4


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## Lucia

More married testimony
https://iwaitedblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/03/october-feature-luis-and-vanessa/


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## Lucia

Must read this is such a cute testimony  Be encouraged ladies God does have a plan.    

http://jennifer-wilder.com/2013/09/17/my-teenage-crush/


http://jennifer-wilder.com/2015/01/15/meeting-my-husband-for-the-second-time/


http://jennifer-wilder.com/2014/02/14/what-my-dream-revealed-about-my-future-now-husband/


http://jennifer-wilder.com/2015/02/22/how-my-husband-and-i-became-friends/


http://jennifer-wilder.com/2015/02/14/a-year-of-silence-between-us/


http://jennifer-wilder.com/2015/02/27/dating-the-man-of-my-dream/


http://jennifer-wilder.com/2015/03/08/then-comes-marriage/


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## Belle Du Jour

Love these marriage testimonies!!!  I  read them as well.  Here is a "how we met" story with a link up to 160 more stories  

http://www.camppatton.com/2013/07/how-we-met-part-final.html


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## Belle Du Jour

Live stream on relationships by Leslie Ludy: http://live.ellerslie.com/stream/


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## Lucia

http://alovelycalling.com/2014/09/05/true-love-waits/


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## Maracujá

For us ladies waiting to be found: 

It is God's privilege to conceal things and the king's privilege to discover them.(Proverbs 25:2)


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## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> For us ladies waiting to be found:
> 
> It is God's privilege to conceal things and the king's privilege to discover them.(Proverbs 25:2)



YES!!!  I love this verse and it comes to me from time to time when I'm wondering why I haven't been "chosen."  In the movie Esther, she quotes this scripture to the King right before he chooses her.  

It's a reminder that we are waiting for KINGS!  Although it seems that there aren't a lot around  the right one will step up when it's time.


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## Maracujá

> Here is a second of the questions from the PCRT Q&A that we did not get to during the conference:
> 
> Why so many singles?  Why does it seem that God withholds marriage for so many when he clearly upholds it, encourages it, desires it, etc.?  Why are there so many singles who want marriage but don't seem to find it?
> 
> It is true that a great many adult Christians, many in their twenties and thirties, are frustrated by not finding a marriage partner.  This is of course a very sensitive subject, since so many single Christians feel pain and remorse in this area.  But there are some general answers.  Let me offer four categories of responses:
> 
> 1.  Immaturity and Sin among Men: I do think the first answer to be given is that there is a general immaturity and sin that hinders marriage in the church.  I am referring primarily, though not exclusively, to young adult Christian men.  It is well documented that men in our society are maturing later in life -- often only in their mid to late 30's.  As such, they pull back from the responsibility involved in serious dating and marriage.  This is a great shame, since this immaturity is hindering their own growth as men and is harming women.  In almost every case, such men are engaging in sexual sin, usually involving pornography, to serve their otherwise unattended sexual desires.  The result is that a great many Christian women desire to marry but do not find a suitable match in the church.  This is a cause for many Christian to repent and for churches to direct attention on the Christian maturity of young men.  I realize that saying this will not make me popular with a great many young men, but it remains widely true and needs to be said.  If you are an unmarried adult man, who does not have the gift of singleness (i.e. no or little sex drive), then you should consider the priorities and the trajectory of your life, along with the needs of godly women for husbands.  A related point is that many men show immaturity in their attractions, constantly neglecting wonderful women who might be interested for more outwardly attractive or younger women who will not be.  A perusal of the book of Proverbs will provide excellent counsel in this area, as with male maturity in general.
> 
> 2.  The Widespread Brokenness of our Society.  Another side to this coin is that so many people today come from painful situations that have left them deeply wounded and broken.  Many men have not had role models and therefore lack confidence in themselves as male leaders.  Many women (and men) have suffered sexual molestation or other forms of abuse and thus are inhibited by fear, anger, and pain.  These are far more prevalent problems than most Christians realize.  So Christians need to be befriending singles in order to get to know them as people and to minister to their lives.  Adult singleness is often terribly lonely, so married believers need to befriend them and churches will often need to arrange fellowship ministries for single adults.
> 
> 3.  Worldly Demands & Priorities among Christians.  Some of the problem stems from the structure of contemporary society.  Christians do not live around family members, who often play a role in helping couples to meet and grow together.  Demanding work lives socially isolate us and leave little energy for actual living.  A large part of the high rates of singleness results from the fact that many adults have placed their priorities elsewhere.  They spent their 20's pursuing professional credentials rather than relationships.  That is fine and should not be condemned.  But there is a reality that goes with it: where you place your attention and efforts will often be where you have results.  Thus, we have rich careers but poor relationships -- it reflects the choices that we made.  I have found this to be especially challenging to professional women.  Society has pressed on women the expectation that they match the career attainments of their male peers.  But does this leave room for being a wife and mother?  I have heard many attractive and godly women who were business executives lament  that the Christian men they know tend to be romantically involved with nurses and school-teachers.  The reason for this is that these men are seeking wives who are more likely to embrace a feminine role in relationships.  Many corporate women have taken on a masculine demeanor, as a simple necessity of success in the workplace.  None of these things involves sin, per se, but this situation also does not promote marriage.  Hence, our priorities are shaping our results.  We have careers and money, but not love.
> 
> 4.  God's Sovereign Will.  It is fine to speak in broad categories, but actual Christians have personal stories that are not broad but specific.  Their stories involve opportunities, sorrows, mistakes, and learning experiences.  Each single should trust God to provide for his or her needs, remembering that God's great provision is the gift of his own love through Jesus Christ.  We are all in a marital relationship as the Bride of Christ!  But Christians who desire marriage and sorrow in singleness should prayerfully reflect on their maturity and character, together with the priorities revealed in their lives, and then prayerfully seek the Lord's grace in providing exactly what his wisdom declares that we need.
> 
> P.S.  My wife and I have written a dating book that is directed at helping adult Christians who are seeking relationships that will lead to marriage: Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating.  It may be an aid and blessing to those wrestling in this area.
> - See more at: http://www.reformation21.org/blog/2015/03/pcrt-qa-why-so-many-singles.php#sthash.YZQLvWiU.dpuf



What is your take on this ladies?


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> What is your take on this ladies?



@Maracujá

I have to agree, agree and agree! on all of it. #3 We are sometimes imitating the Secular world too much IMO.
#1 It's just too easy for men to get their "satisfaction"  without out having to qualify an emotional, spiritual or mental value to anything they do. They just get theirs and KIM.
Even  secular psychologists and sociologists are complaining about the immaturity of grown men and their lack of commitment and taking on any sort of manly or husbandly duties you know it's wide spread.  Christian men just like men who don't practice or never did have a rolodex of women on retainer.  They can call anytime and have what they want when they want and how they want it and NONE of these women even mentions having  a real relationship. I won't even start on internet porn.
Because most of the time these men will bounce, and for many it's better to have a fraction of a man than no man at all.  I'm not saying all men are bad and all women are saints, but we need to address this early and go hard.  But if a man thinks i'm talking about him?  then I AM! I'm not even going to apologize. (looks right and left and drops mic)


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## Maracujá

@Lucia thank you for your take on it. I wanted to disagree so bad but it just makes so much sense, as sad as it may be.

Ladies, I wanted to recommend a book by a fellow singlista named Nancy McCulley. She wrote a book in collaboration with Nora Shank and quite frankly I don't think I've ever read a book that fast, it took me like a week. It was briljant! The title is 'The Measure of Success: Uncovering the Biblical Perspective on Women, Work, and the Home' and it can be purchased on Amazon.com. Two things I like about this book: she gives a thorough yet easy to understand history of women in relation to work. At one point she even talks about how even in the 1980s, single women in their thirties who had degrees and careers were being told that they had a greater chance of dying during a terrorist attack then getting married. Sounds familiar? The second thing I liked about the book is that towards the end they talk about the different seasons in a woman's life: the single years, the building a family years, the career years and then the 'open nest' years. It's simple yet poignant imo. So check it out ladies!


----------



## Lucia

Here's a blog about discerning what God has planned for us
Finding a holy husband is possible 

http://www.womenofgrace.com/blog/?p=24333#more-24333


----------



## Lucia

Divorce rates are bogus
They count widows and 1st divorces but of the widow or divorcee gets remarried they don't count that. They also don't count women/man couples who have stayed married all their lives in any stats ever. So they're just taking divorce rates from divorced people and not factoring in longtime married couples so their percentage has always been way off. Also divorce is in decline it peaked it the 70-80s I saw that in another article I think

http://calvarychapel.com/resources/article/view/stop-quoting-bad-divorce-stats/

Porn induced erectile dysfunction and infertility

http://www.womenofgrace.com/blog/?p=17603

The Demise of guys
Zimbardo

http://www.ted.com/talks/zimchallenge?language=en#t-260501


----------



## Lucia

The great porn experiment

Guys are quitting internet Porn voluntarily in droves


----------



## Maracujá

Being single is not for the faint of heart, but doing it alongside God and how  He guides you is truly worth it. Small example: about three weeks ago I started a new job, when it came time for me and two other ladies (one in her early thirties and one in her early twenties) to sign our contracts, certain 'problems' arose. The first lady started explaining that although she is not married, she does live with the father of her children, so she asked the lady from the temp agency: should I fill in that I'm a married woman on my contract? The lady responded: Well no, you're not married. Are you legally living together? (this is possible where I live). She again responded with: no. Well then, said the lady from the temp agency, you just fill in your marital status as single/unwed. At that moment you could tell on the woman's face that she was just so so ashamed. For me on the other hand it was so easy to just fill in: single/unwed. I felt no qualms about it whatsoever and was not confused about it either. All I'm saying is: save yourself the embarassment. We may think God doesn't care about this but He absolutely does. In my 2014 devotional book I read that one of the reasons why God delayed Sarah's pregnancy is because she got abducted at least twice (correct me if I'm wrong) and had she gotten pregnant around that time, people would've wondered if the baby was actually Abraham's. God cares about every.single.aspect.of.our.lives!


----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> Being single is not for the faint of heart, but doing it alongside God and how  He guides you is truly worth it. Small example: about three weeks ago I started a new job, when it came time for me and two other ladies (one in her early thirties and one in her early twenties) to sign our contracts, certain 'problems' arose. The first lady started explaining that although she is not married, she does live with the father of her children, so she asked the lady from the temp agency: should I fill in that I'm a married woman on my contract? The lady responded: Well no, you're not married. Are you legally living together? (this is possible where I live). She again responded with: no. Well then, said the lady from the temp agency, you just fill in your marital status as single/unwed. At that moment you could tell on the woman's face that she was just so so ashamed. For me on the other hand it was so easy to just fill in: single/unwed. I felt no qualms about it whatsoever and was not confused about it either. All I'm saying is: save yourself the embarassment. We may think God doesn't care about this but He absolutely does. In my 2014 devotional book I read that one of the reasons why God delayed Sarah's pregnancy is because she got abducted at least twice (correct me if I'm wrong) and had she gotten pregnant around that time, people would've wondered if the baby was actually Abraham's. God cares about every.single.aspect.of.our.lives!



@Maracujá 

Thanks for saying this I feel for her but she knows better.
Some women think that because their living together as man and wife in every aspect of the phrase and they call him or consider him
Their husband somehow in their minds their actually married and marriage is just a piece of paper.

Marriage is a sacrament a covenant at with God you and  your spouse make together it is tantamount or equal to being ordained a priest pastor/minister or nun there is a laying of hands. It is not just a piece of paper like the secular world wants us to believe the piece of paper or contract is the documentation for the state and for all  to see.
Here's the proof even secular people realize the sanctity of marriage.
If it wasn't so important why is the ultimate goal of living together for a woman getting married ?


----------



## Maracujá

Nancy Leigh DeMoss is engaged to be married ladies! When the news appeared on my timeline on facebook I was left speechless! I'm currently reading her book 'Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free', what a woman of God!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> Nancy Leigh DeMoss is engaged to be married ladies! When the news appeared on my timeline on facebook I was left speechless! I'm currently reading her book 'Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free', what a woman of God!


 
I've never heard of her.  What's her story?  Is this a first time marriage?


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Our Christian men and future spouses have to be lifted up in prayer.  They are genuinely clueless and have no clue how to pursue.  Lately my prayer has been that the man God has for me will be bold, courageous and pursue me with clear purpose and intention.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I really enjoyed this book: http://www.amazon.com/Wheres-My-Mat...id=1431725788&sr=8-1&keywords=bethany+scanlon

It lit a fire in me, so to speak, to keep beliving and persisting in prayer about my future spouse.  Has anyone read it?


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> I've never heard of her.  What's her story?  Is this a first time marriage?


It's a first time marriage for her but not for her soon to be husband. I believe she is now in her 50s and was single for all of her adult life.


----------



## GodsPromises

I don't post much but i wanted to say to you ladies. Don't give up what God has for you will be for you and he will be perfect.

Don't put God in a box, as the blessing can come in different ways. I have heard saints say that " Oh I'm not going to do online dating, it's not godly but why can't God use the internet as a means for you and your future husband.

After many years of waiting and waiting and getting to the place of contentment in my singleness I can say that God blessed me with the Man of God that is everything that i wanted and all that I needed. We met online ( yes I did a background check lol) and it was an instant match in every way.  We are committed to God and to each other. It's long distance but we make time no matter what for each other and every night we are on the phone for 2 sometimes 3 hours talking and I will be getting married next April to the man I love and who loves me with all of his heart. 

We fast together every Wednesday, pray together every night and on Sunday mornings and is not preparing to complete the Daniel fast in the month of July.  He loves the Lord with all of his heart and puts God first in all that he does. 

God gave me the promise 10 years ago, I like Sarah helped him with the promise but it was the wrong promise. When I allowed God to be God and in control he kept His promise perfectly.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://bethanyscanlon.blogspot.com/2015/05/how-to-pray-in-mate.html

Thoughts on this blog post???


----------



## Skyfall

...


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> http://bethanyscanlon.blogspot.com/2015/05/how-to-pray-in-mate.html
> 
> Thoughts on this blog post???


 
I think she has some valid points. However, I don't think I'm in her target audience. I don't see myself praying fervently for a husband right now because that's not my main focus. I'm more concerned about getting myself in order. I don't won't to bring another person into my mess. 

Maybe I'll at least start praying for guidance on what areas I should be working on.


----------



## Maracujá

I agree with @divine, also: when people give out this advice that we should be praying fervently for a spouse, no one can actually give out one example where a person cited in the Bible did this. It was always God who gave wives to men (Adam and Isaac come to mind). Another Scripture that comes to mind is the one in Proverbs 31 where it says that the woman does her husband good all the days of her life, but before that it's important to figure out which season you are in. After all, there is a season for everything, including one for singleness. Lately God has been telling me that either way everyone has to go through a season of singleness: either you do it while you are actually single or you do it once you are married. The choice is yours. To give a practical example: later on I want peace and fellowship with my husband, I don't want us to continually fuss over how I don't know how to handle business, clean the home, bring a good atmosphere about, balance a checkbook,...etc. These are all things I'm being prepared for now.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Her advice resonates with me because we are in an unprecedented time regarding marriage.  These are not the good old days when a good woman had assurance of getting married.  Marriage is under attack and it's very possible that the enemy is throwing darts to keep  Christians apart. I think praying against  the "powers and principalities" that are likely  (although not definitely) contributing to delayed marriage vocations is necessary.  

Also I think the stories of Esther and Ruth are stories of women exercising their faith and ACTING at the prompting of Godly influences in their lives (Hegai and Naomi). While I will never pursue a man it is a given that I will be fighting with all the weapons endowed to me: prayer, the Sacraments, etc. I think praying for your future spouse and marriage is very biblical given the times we are in today.


----------



## Divine.

@Belle Du Jour You are right about marriage being under attack. Prayer for marriage is more important now than it ever has been. I pray for my future spouse, but definitely not at the same intensity as the author of that blog post. I pray as the Lord leads me in that area. I don't think we should just be praying for a husband to arrive. There's more than just our own happiness at stake.  We need to be praying for marriage in general and for more Christian men to step up and pursue Christian women.


----------



## lalah

@Belle Du Jour I totally agree with you about marriage being under attack. Think about why is it so hard for women who are truly seeking God for marriage to find Godly mates? I mean real sons of God who are truly submitted to Christ. There seems to be way more women advancing in their relationship with God than men. There are too many wolves in sheep's clothing in the church. I personally think that prayer and fasting for marriages period needs to be more intense. When someone or something is under attack, it means WAR! We need to fight back the enemy.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Someone just e-mailed this article to me:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-blessing-praying-meet-chivalrous-knight.html

LOL, confirmation!  I will keep praying over my mate list


----------



## Maracujá

> ATLANTA -- It's long been believed that half of America's marriages end in divorce and the problem is just as bad in the Church as the rest of the country.
> 
> But when Harvard-trained researcher Shaunti Feldhahn tried to find the actual research to prove those points, she couldn't. It started her on an eight-year odyssey to find the actual facts.
> 
> *A Demoralizing Belief*
> 
> The Atlanta-based researcher and author realized the widespread belief that marriage failure is as bad in the Church as the rest of the world demoralizes Christians and can even cause them to question their faith.
> 
> "For a pastor it means 'all my work doesn't mean very much,'" Feldhahn told CBN News. "For the average person in the congregation there's this subtle feeling like, 'If that's true: if on something as important as marriage, doing what the Bible says doesn't change anything, what does that mean about the Bible?'"
> 
> Virginia Pastor Daniel Floyd, with Fredericksburg's Lifepoint Church, has seen how this can hurt people's faith.
> 
> "Because a 50 percent divorce rate inside the church really just said the church makes no difference in your marriage," Floyd explained. "And that's quite an indictment of the church."
> 
> Christian psychotherapist Angel Davis said the belief half of marriages fail can even give people permission to give up.
> 
> "When you have something like a statistic like 50 percent, it gives you the option," she told CBN News. "It becomes an option in your mind."
> 
> *The Good News*
> 
> In her book, _The Good News About Marriage_, Feldhahn lays out what she found during her eight years of investigating the complicated, complex divorce statistics.
> 
> First, the divorce rate is way below 50 percent and much lower for those who attend church.
> 
> Feldhahn estimates the overall divorce rate for the country is around 31 percent. The studies of people who regularly go to church all show a much lower divorce rate for them.
> 
> "Maybe 15 percent, maybe 20 percent for all marriages. First marriages, second marriages, third marriages," Feldhahn explained.
> 
> Feldhahn cited one example where a pastor tracked 143 couples who he had married.
> 
> "It was 25, 27 years later. Less than 10 percent had been divorced," she stated.
> 
> Feldhahn hopes these facts she's uncovered become widespread.
> 
> "Pastors need to know this," she said. "People need to be able to look around the average congregation and say, 'You know what, most of these people will have strong and happy marriages for a lifetime.  Doing what God says matters. This is a big deal to know."
> 
> *Lasting a Lifetime*
> 
> So where do things go from here? For one, pastors and counselors can now say with assurance, marriage makes sense and is likely to last a lifetime.
> 
> For religious believers, if they'll be attentive to practice their faith with their spouse, they can almost double their odds of avoiding divorce.
> 
> Therapist Davis said this could go a long way to erasing the doubt that Christianity makes no difference.
> 
> "That there's no power in it to transform. And that is just not true," she insisted. "So those statistics I think could help a lot with that belief."
> 
> Pastor Floyd believes it'll be a major plus for the faith when this new knowledge gets around.
> 
> "If you have regular church attendance, then it's going to make a difference in the longevity of your marriage," he said. "I think that is incredible firepower, so to speak, for the local church, for the pastor."
> 
> *Divorce Proof Marriages*
> 
> Feldhahn told CBN News she's personally seen the power of this new information immediately pump up a congregation's faith.
> 
> "You hear this gasp go through the congregation, and everybody starts applauding, and it's like you can see hope coming back into their eyes," she said.
> 
> Shaunti's husband Jeff explained such hope can be crucial in helping a couple actually survive.
> 
> "Shaunti and I have had tough patches," he admitted. "But we never once thought that we weren't going to make it. We knew we were going to. So you work through the tough patches and you move on to the other side. And the other side is always good."
> 
> Feldhahn stated people can make other choices to divorce-proof their marriage.
> 
> "People who decide not to live together before they get married, that has been proven to have a really good effect on the marriage," she said as an example. "And so you might get down to the 5, 10 percent divorce odds."
> 
> Now Feldhahn and others hope people will spread the word.
> 
> "To be able to get this information into other people's hands quickly," she said, "I really think we can change the paradigm from discouragement to hope."



Link: http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2014/June/Church-Divorce-Rate-Way-Lower-than-Anyone-Thought/
Link for the book on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Good-News-Abo...&sr=1-1&keywords=the+good+news+about+marriage


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Someone just e-mailed this article to me:
> 
> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-blessing-praying-meet-chivalrous-knight.html
> 
> LOL, confirmation!  I will keep praying over my mate list




@Belle Du Jour 
Thanks for posting this I found a novena asking for St Anne to intervene. 

http://www.praymorenovenas.com/st-anne-novena/


----------



## Lucia

More inspiration


----------



## Divine.

Had a very candid talk with 5 Christian women about marriage the other night. Together we listened to a sermon called "What your daddy should have told you" which was basically about biblical womanhood. Let me tell you, that sermon broke down a lot of misconceptions women have about marriage, relationships, and even themselves. I wanted to share a few points here:

*The man needs a woman because she has what he lacks.* When God created Adam, he was made complete. However, when He created Eve, He had to take something *away* from Adam for woman to be created. Now Eve became the one who was complete. As women, we posses a lot of skills and capabilities that men just don't have naturally.  Therefore, the man *needs us* in the areas he lacks.
*We are designed to be a helpmeet to man, not seek help from him.* God created woman to be a  helpmeet to the man but many women look to men for help financially, emotionally and physically. We need to take care ourselves first so we don't fall into the trap of having to depend on a man to elevate us. 
*Marriage is about a connection.* The connection that is created between a husband and wife is spiritual and divinely ordained. When the two come together, they are a force that cannot be stopped. Marriage goes beyond your feelings and emotions. It is an outward demonstration of how to love like God does. 
These were only a few points but I thought these were pertinent to this thread.


----------



## Maracujá

> *We are designed to be a helpmeet to man, not seek help from him.* God created woman to be a helpmeet to the man but many women look to men for help financially, emotionally and physically. We need to take care ourselves first so we don't fall into the trap of having to depend on a man to elevate us.



@Divine. Thank you very much. In her book 'Lies Women Believe' Nancy Leigh DeMoss brought up a similar point. She said that feminists often speak about how we as women should acquire such and such right, but they never speak about the plights we as women have.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

Full session


----------



## mz.rae

Ok, so I am a little confused and hope that someone can clarify this for me. I have been dating this guy that is the Deacon of the church I attend since October. Now because we are dating I am feeling pressure from the Co Pastor to serve in ministries that I am really am not sure of, like greeting. I was a greeter a year and a half ago, but now I really don't feel called to that ministry anymore and more so want to do Outreach, but due to my work schedule and school I'm not really able to participate in things much. Is it me but aren't you supposed to be called from God to a ministry and not people? And not only that me and this guy are only dating, we are no where near being engaged or married and haven't even been together for a year!!


----------



## ArrrBeee

mz.rae said:


> Ok, so I am a little confused and hope that someone can clarify this for me. I have been dating this guy that is the Deacon of the church I attend since October. Now because we are dating I am feeling pressure from the Co Pastor to serve in ministries that I am really am not sure of, like greeting. I was a greeter a year and a half ago, but now I really don't feel called to that ministry anymore and more so want to do Outreach, but due to my work schedule and school I'm not really able to participate in things much. Is it me but aren't you supposed to be called from God to a ministry and not people? And not only that me and this guy are only dating, we are no where near being engaged or married and haven't even been together for a year!!



People can give you suggestions but as a believer, God is the one who will show you where to go (or not go). When we seek His will, we can't go wrong.


----------



## mz.rae

ArrrBeee said:


> People can give you suggestions but as a believer, God is the one who will show you where to go (or not go). When we seek His will, we can't go wrong.



Thank you! And to me it's not really coming off as suggestions but putting me on the spot. And I always come to church feeling drained and not wanting to be there. Like I'm to the point of just telling my SO I'm going somewhere else but to just let me know when they have events so I can come and support.


----------



## ArrrBeee

mz.rae said:


> Thank you! And to me it's not really coming off as suggestions but putting me on the spot. And I always come to church feeling drained and not wanting to be there. L*ike I'm to the point of just telling my SO I'm going somewhere else but to just let me know when they have events so I can come and support.*



When you mean somewhere else, do you mean a different church?  How did you feel about the church before you and your guy started dating? Why don't you tell him how you feel and see how he reacts.  It will give you an idea of whether or not he takes your feelings/desires into consideration.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Couple saves first kiss for wedding after dating for 5 years to honor God: 

http://nwdailyblog.com/this-couple-...on-their-wedding-day-after-5-years-of-dating/


----------



## Maracujá

^^^^That is beautiful! I'd love a dating relationship like that where you set your foundation on Him and friendship.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Sadly, I ready so many negative comments on the facebook page where I saw the story posted--and these were from Christians!  People just didn't believe them or didn't understand why they wanted to wait. It reminded me of Romans 1:24: Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.

Are we so jaded that we can't believe this story?  Even Christians?  Yes, 5 years is a long time but I believe it's because she was young and wanted to finish her education first.  I don't expect someone in their mid 20s or 30s to wait that long but for someone in her early 20s, waiting to finish one's education is probably prudent especially if they plan to have children right away.  It also sounds like they developed a deep friendship so the fact that no physical relationship was involved gave them grace to maintain for 5 years.


----------



## Maracujá

I'm not surprised. This reminds me of 2 Timothy 3:5 where God says that in the last days people will have a form of godliness but *deny its power*. I absolutely believe them and think it's absolutely possible, even for someone like me who is about to embark on her 30s. I Always think about what pastor Voddie Baucham said about marriage: ask any engineer in the world, if you want to know how tall a building  is going to be, you don't have to wait till they build it. You just have to watch how deep they dig the foundation. If you  want a skyscraper type of marriage, then dig deep.

Another Scripture that I ponder a lot is the one where the disciples ask Jesus about marriage in heaven and Jesus says that there will be no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30) yet He also says that whatever we bind here on earth will be bounded in heaven (Matthew 16:19). Now, correct me if I am wrong but there is no deeper way to bind with someone here on earth other than through marriage...except for what Jesus says about friendship in John 15:13. Which means that the only way to ensure eternity with your loved one is through a deep friendship and fellowship. In fact, Scripture confirms this in Song of Songs where the two lovebirds constantly refer to each other as 'my friend'. Timothy Keller explained this beautifully in his book 'The meaning of marriage'.


----------



## mz.rae

ArrrBeee said:


> When you mean somewhere else, do you mean a different church?  How did you feel about the church before you and your guy started dating? Why don't you tell him how you feel and see how he reacts.  It will give you an idea of whether or not he takes your feelings/desires into consideration.



Yes a different church, and honestly before me and him started dating I was feeling the same way about the church and like I was out growing being there and needed something different for where I am at now in life. I visited a church this past Sunday and I felt right at home and am looking forward to going this Sunday. I will be talking to him about it, and let him know that I may not attend there every Sunday but can stll support him in his ministry when they have special events.


----------



## laCriolla

When my relationship turned abusive, I heard and felt a strong calling from the Lord to pray for my relationship, pray for my boyfriend and fast. It has been almost a year now and I will say my prayers were answered. almost.  I prayed for him to return to the Lord, for his mental and emotional health to be restored, and generally for his ability to be in a healthy relationship. He is, but he did not renew it with me. He is everything I prayed he would be restored to with another women. I don't even know how to take it. on one hand, I am grateful to God for saving him, but on the other hand my heart is SO heavy that it turned out this way. I know the Lord will never leave or forseake me, I know in my head that God is not man that he should lie. and despite the knowing I feel abandoned. and then ashamed for feeling abandoned because I know better.


----------



## Lucia

laCriolla said:


> When my relationship turned abusive, I heard and felt a strong calling from the Lord to pray for my relationship, pray for my boyfriend and fast. It has been almost a year now and I will say my prayers were answered. almost.  I prayed for him to return to the Lord, for his mental and emotional health to be restored, and generally for his ability to be in a healthy relationship. He is, but he did not renew it with me. He is everything I prayed he would be restored to with another women. I don't even know how to take it. on one hand, I am grateful to God for saving him, but on the other hand my heart is SO heavy that it turned out this way. I know the Lord will never leave or forseake me, I know in my head that God is not man that he should lie. and despite the knowing I feel abandoned. and then ashamed for feeling abandoned because I know better.



@laCriolla

It sounds like such a difficult situation I can only empathize and I'm so happy you are safe.
Pleas take it one day at a time and it's not selfish to pray for yourself and take time to heal and walk with Jesus
When the time is right and its your path God will send you someone who will treat you right. May God bless you and give you peace.

http://www.traditionalcatholicpriest.com/2014/05/22/where-did-the-serenity-prayer-come-from/


Serenity  Prayer
*God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.*

*Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen.
*


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> I'm not surprised. This reminds me of 2 Timothy 3:5 where God says that in the last days people will have a form of godliness but *deny its power*. I absolutely believe them and think it's absolutely possible, even for someone like me who is about to embark on her 30s. I Always think about what pastor Voddie Baucham said about marriage: ask any engineer in the world, if you want to know how tall a building  is going to be, you don't have to wait till they build it. You just have to watch how deep they dig the foundation. If you  want a skyscraper type of marriage, then dig deep.
> 
> Another Scripture that I ponder a lot is the one where the disciples ask Jesus about marriage in heaven and Jesus says that there will be no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30) yet He also says that whatever we bind here on earth will be bounded in heaven (Matthew 16:19). *Now, correct me if I am wrong but there is no deeper way to bind with someone here on earth other than through marriage...except for what Jesus says about friendship in John 15:13. Which means that the only way to ensure eternity with your loved one is through a deep friendship and fellowship. *In fact, Scripture confirms this in Song of Songs where the two lovebirds constantly refer to each other as 'my friend'. Timothy Keller explained this beautifully in his book 'The meaning of marriage'.



I know that the Catholic christian teaching on marriage and family is that your goal is to get your spouse and children to Heaven.  You should marry someone who you will strive to perfect in holiness (through marriage/parenthood).  I had _never_ heard that perspective of marriage until I converted.  

As far as what you said about binding/loosing, I never thought about that in the context of marriage.  I would like to do some more research on that because I'm not sure that's what the scripture was referring to, but you are giving me another perspective to look into.


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> I know that the Catholic christian teaching on marriage and family is that your goal is to get your spouse and children to Heaven.  You should marry someone who you will strive to perfect in holiness (through marriage/parenthood).  I had _never_ heard that perspective of marriage until I converted.
> 
> As far as what you said about binding/loosing, I never thought about that in the context of marriage.  I would like to do some more research on that because I'm not sure that's what the scripture was referring to, but you are giving me another perspective to look into.



Thank you for looking into it. That's how I had interpreted these Scriptures, and was convinced after reading Timothy Keller's 'The meaning of marriage'. Of course, neither me or him are an authority on God's Word.


----------



## Lucia

Really liking this movie
Eta I  saw this movie last night and it was like an old movie with the pace but full of good Christian themes along side what is really going on in thus world today. I recommend it as a must see.

Old Fashioned tonight it's available from Netflix  on DVD only.





Fireproof was good too but they're already married.

Eta
True story 
A man and his wife married for 30 years he said she was traditional with good Christian and family values. He always had to bring her home before 9 pm 
He said he liked that about her even though they were adults and that's why he married her. 
A Godly man will recognize his bride Amen!


----------



## Lucia




----------



## futureapl

I have been feeling really discouraged lately. I can't understand why I am still single. For the past few days I've been thinking maybe there is something wrong with me. In my mind I've been thinking maybe I'm too short, ugly, or have a bad personality or just God doesnt want me to be married.  know this way of thinking is wrong. I don't know how to change. I'm starting to realize that it is affecting my prayer life as well. I just feel like everyone around me is starting to settle down. Several people I know are doing the whole relationship thing the wrong way (premarital sex) in my opinion yet they are getting married.


----------



## lalah

@futureapl I was feeling the same way this morning and reading this article helped.
*
The Truth About Ishmael*





All too often, I come across women who ask, “How long will I have to wait for my Isaac?” Some women even complain of having waited for years, and sometimes, decades to be found by their God-appointed husbands. At the same time, there are many women who hear the testimonies of other women who've waited for what appears to be unreasonable amounts of time, so they decide to go out and choose their own husbands. They'll oftentimes reason within themselves that it is okay for them to do whatever they think is necessary to get what they want if their hearts are in the right places. Of course, the women who have decided to wait on the Lord often find themselves upset when their non-faithful counterparts announce their engagements via social media. After all, if you've waited over five years to be found by your husband, you don't want to receive a phone call from your fornicating cousin asking you to be a part of her wedding.

It is not uncommon for me to receive emails from women who are upset when they see someone who's unfaithful walking down the aisle with what appears to be a good man, and for this reason, I want to share with you a few truths about Ishmael that should help you with your wait.


Ishmael is not the husband of promise; he is a counterfeit who comes forward when the believer doubts God and decides to bring the promise to pass on her own.
Faith will always scare Ishmael away, therefore, Ishmael is attracted to women who lack faith. What does this tell us? Remember, whatever you are, you are going to attract to yourself, so if you don't have the faith to wait on God, you're going to attract an unfaithful man. Ishmael is almost always unfaithful, but he eventually makes a believer out of every woman who didn't initially believe God.
Ishmael is the result of impatience, but the funny thing is...women who refuse to wait on God for their husbands often find themselves tearfully waiting on God to change their husbands. If being single is a problem, you'll end up marrying a problem, and it is then that you'll start seeing singleness as a solution. Be patient with God; after all, He was and is patient with you.
Ishmael isn't always worldly. This is the part that surprises many women because when we think about Ishmael, we think about a worldly character who is not following God. Of course, this misrepresentation of him has caused many women to end up marrying the very men Satan sent to hinder them. Please know that Satan's biggest weapons wear masks of humility and clothe themselves with costly, religious apparel in their attempts to fool the church. This means they are some of the biggest devils on the singles' market. Remember, the original Ishmael was the son of Abraham, and Abraham was a devout and faithful servant of YAHWEH.
Try as you may, but you cannot turn Ishmael into Isaac. Many women have gone before you and tried, and some of them are in asylums today, while others are no longer in the realm of the earth. A man is going to be whomever and whatever he wants to be until he decides that he wants to change. All the same, many women are blinded by what they believe to be a man's potential to be a good husband. Let's face it. We all have potential to be great, but we also have the potential to be evil. Don't gamble on Ishmael; you'll always come out with the losing hand.
Satan does disguise himself as an angel of light. Behold! You see your beautiful, religious, and fornicating friend post up a picture of her now bedazzled ring finger, with the caption, “_I said yes!_” You look at the likes and the comments, and she has 987 likes and 1,456 people congratulating her on her engagement. Over the next few days, you see countless photos being posted to her Facebook page, and she appears to have some angelic-like glow, and her new fiance is everything you think you want in a man. You even go to her wedding and see how beautiful she looks as she makes her way down the aisle towards her handsome and crying husband. It looks like her sin has rewarded her, right? _Look again!_ Just wait a few years. First and foremost, I always tell women to STOP envying other women! Seriously. Envy and jealousy are very unbecoming, and they're also ungodly. With that being said, please note that sin never wins..._ever_! Your friend simply has a microwave blessing. 
Have you ever reheated pizza in the microwave? If you have, you've probably noticed how perfect and delectable it looked while sitting in the microwave, but the minute you tried to bite into it, you found that the microwave dried that pizza's crust. That's the way microwave romance is. It looks good from the outside, but once you get a taste of it, you'll find out just how tough it is. If you'll only keep on living, life will surprise you. That friend who appeared to have sexed her way into a blessing will one day look at you with envy when you are walking down the aisle with the promised man (Isaac), and by this time, she'll either be divorced, separated or bitter. You'll then find out that the happiest day of her life was her wedding day, and believe me, that's a sad existence. Your wedding should NEVER be the happiest day in your marriage; it should be the start of greater days.
If you marry Ishmael, you are in the same, rejecting Isaac. Let's get real here. Ishmael is like a used car; he can take you places, but he won't take you far, plus, he's going to keep breaking down on you. Isaac is like a new jet; he will take you to new heights and new places. He will take you to places you haven't imagined going. Sure, Isaac appears to be too expensive and too good to be true, and your understanding will tell you that it'll be years (or never) before you can afford the guy, but the truth is the distance (in years) between you and Isaac is equivalent to the time it takes for you to deny yourself wholly and follow God...with or without a man. Always remember that faith is a believer's currency, but fear, doubt and impatience are thieves sent to rob you of the promise. Any woman married to an Ishmael will vouch for me when I say that Ishmael isn't worth his price tag.
Wait on God. There's so much to you that you have not yet realized, but if you don't let God send you the right man, you will undoubtedly end up with the wrong man. Ishmael may look like an easy safe to crack, but he's not. Only God can change him. You don't have the power, longevity or the mental strength to change that man.


----------



## futureapl

@lalah thank you for posting this article.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

6 brides talk about what marriage means: http://reginamag.com/a-catholic-bride/


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> 6 brides talk about what marriage means: http://reginamag.com/a-catholic-bride/



Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but maybe you can give me clarity about this article. I'm not Catholic, however God has given me the same revelation about marriage as these women. When they say "Catholic Marriage," are they comparing it to secular marriages or all marriages (including Christians who are not Catholic)?


----------



## Divine.

futureapl said:


> I have been feeling really discouraged lately. I can't understand why I am still single. For the past few days I've been thinking maybe there is something wrong with me. In my mind I've been thinking maybe I'm too short, ugly, or have a bad personality or just God doesnt want me to be married.  know this way of thinking is wrong. I don't know how to change. I'm starting to realize that it is affecting my prayer life as well. I just feel like everyone around me is starting to settle down. Several people I know are doing the whole relationship thing the wrong way (premarital sex) in my opinion yet they are getting married.



Honestly I don't think it's you, or even God for that matter. I believe that the problem is that we live in a fallen world with more men choosing to live for themselves instead of for Christ. I personally don't know any Christian men I would date, nor do I meet them on a regular basis. To be honest, the standards I have set for my spouse are no different than the standards I set for myself...So it's not like I'm being unreasonable or "too picky." 

God does want you to be married! It's easy to just say "wait on God" or whatever other colloquial term we use to encourage single Christians, but the truth is sometimes our desire to be married can be hard to suppress. Especially if we believe God put those desires there. When I have those down moments about my singleness, I always try to pinpoint where it's coming from. Do I want to be married because I'm ready, or are these feelings stemming from loneliness, jealousy, or envy? Usually it's one or all three of those things. 

And also, all that glitters isn't gold. It may appear that doing things the "wrong" way seems to be working now, but time will only tell if that marriage is strong enough to handle those trials. Sex doesn't teach you how to love. Sex creates a euphoric feeling that keeps you attached to a person. Many people misconstrue that attachment as "love" because they can't separate themselves from the other (at least not willingly). Love is not a feeling, it is an action. When you love, you forgive, you communicate and you put selfishness aside. Doing it the right way teaches you how to love like Christ and put the covenant of your marriage first. 

The good thing is, you have a group of women who are all in the same season as you! So you are not alone in this journey. Even though your prayer life hasn't been as strong, I would challenge you to take one hour of your day and really communicate with God. Pour your heart out to him. Ask him to reveal any area to you that could possibly be preventing you from attracting your spouse (you are what you attract!). Doing it God's way isn't easy, but when He is the center, your marriage will always be rooted in faith. 

You are loved by someone greater than any man walking this earth


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Divine. said:


> Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but maybe you can give me clarity about this article. I'm not Catholic, however God has given me the same revelation about marriage as these women. When they say "Catholic Marriage," are they comparing it to secular marriages or all marriages (including Christians who are not Catholic)?


 
I believe they are comparing it to any marriage that doesn't come from the same perspective (whether secular or Christian).  Not necessarily all Catholics who marry even have this perspective in mind.  They are probably saying "Catholic marriage" because the magazine if Catholic    That beind said, Catholics believe marriage is a sacrament.  I'm not sure if other Christians believe that.


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## futureapl

@lalah and @Divine. Thank you for reminding me that there are others out there who are going through the same things as I am. It's comforting to know. I will continue to go to My Father for guidance.


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## Nina_S

Thanks @futureapl , @lalah & @Divine.  I needed that!


----------



## Divine.

I love this video! If any of you ladies need a bit of encouragement, this video will do that just for you!

*The 2 Sides of Singleness*

A few months ago, I was at the the first international True Woman Conference, Mujer Verdadera '15, when Dannah Gresh surprised her translator, Jeanine (a missionary to Taiwan), with a tiny gift.

*Small but Powerful*

The size of the gift was minuscule, but its impact was enormous, and it brought the audience to tears, prayer and worship. It was a holy moment not just for Jeanine, but also for every woman who was single in the room.

Experience this moment for yourself and watch this short video clip:

Dannah captured two things that I think are really important for us to acknowledge as single women:

She affirmed a woman's desire for marriage as a good thing.
She affirmed the gift of singleness as a good thing.
*Two Sides of a Coin*

Both the desire for marriage and the gift of singleness are good, real and a gift from God, who does all things well.

These two issues are like two sides of a coin. Both are good. And I believe that both are necessary to make a complete "coin." In many ways the natural desire for marriage and the joyful embracing of the gift of singleness brings balance to a single woman's life. The desire for marriage can help us keep an "open hand" to seasons of change (if God wants to gift us with marriage) and the gift of singleness can help us fervently pursue our Heavenly Husband—the Lover of our souls—in undistracted devotion.

Both the desire for marriage and the gift of singleness are good, real and a gift from God who does all things well.

So if you're experiencing the gift of singleness today, don't try and "return" it. Embrace it, and invest it for God's glory!

http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/23654-the-2-sides-of-singleness


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> 6 brides talk about what marriage means: http://reginamag.com/a-catholic-bride/



@Belle Du Jour

Wow this was inspiring and a good way of explaining the sacrament of marriage.

From article I was raised like this too

*“I WAS TAUGHT TO DATE FOR MARRIAGE* – always considering if I could see myself marrying the person. That made dating quite easy. My parents decided to surround themselves with people who would lead us to heaven, and that’s exactly what my husband and I have decided to do.” Travis & Samantha Brenneman




Belle Du Jour said:


> I believe they are comparing it to any marriage that doesn't come from the same perspective (whether secular or Christian).  Not necessarily all Catholics who marry even have this perspective in mind.  They are probably saying "Catholic marriage" because the magazine if Catholic    That beind said, Catholics believe marriage is a sacrament.  I'm not sure if other Christians believe that.



Adding: I'm not sure either. Yes marriage is a sacrament on the same level with taking holy orders to become a Preist or Nun. Its one of the 7 sacraments Catholics can have bestowed upon them. Our goal in marriage is not only to care for each other and any children born and make them good  productive law abiding adults but to do all we can, by way of educational spiritual instruction discipline and guidance etc to get ourselves and our childrens souls to heaven.

"There are seven *sacraments* in the Catholic Church: Baptism, Confirmation or Chrismation, Eucharist, Penance, Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders, and Matrimony."

In holy orders Catholics consecrate themselves mind body and soul to the Church  (Church is always a her in the Bible reffered to as the Bride of Christ for Preists and Nuns consecrate themselves to Jesus as his Bride) and marriage is the equivalent so to speak if you're not called to Holy Orders.
Marriage is a sacrament between 1 man and 1 woman and the Triune God bka the Trinity to reflect Jesus' love for the church and to serve as an example in this imperfect world what true love and sacrifice is supposed to be.

In the Ephesians 5:25
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her
26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word....

So for us practicing Catholics it's not just a piece of paper like the secular world likes to say all the time that's just for the state. But you already knew that part.




Divine. said:


> Honestly I don't think it's you, or even God for that matter. I believe that the problem is that we live in a fallen world with more men choosing to live for themselves instead of for Christ. I personally don't know any Christian men I would date, nor do I meet them on a regular basis. To be honest, the standards I have set for my spouse are no different than the standards I set for myself...So it's not like I'm being unreasonable or "too picky."
> 
> God does want you to be married! It's easy to just say "wait on God" or whatever other colloquial term we use to encourage single Christians, but the truth is sometimes our desire to be married can be hard to suppress. Especially if we believe God put those desires there. When I have those down moments about my singleness, I always try to pinpoint where it's coming from. Do I want to be married because I'm ready, or are these feelings stemming from loneliness, jealousy, or envy? Usually it's one or all three of those things.
> 
> And also, all that glitters isn't gold. It *may appear that doing things the "wrong" way seems to be working now, but time will only tell if that marriage is strong enough to handle those trials. Sex doesn't teach you how to love. Sex creates a euphoric feeling that keeps you attached to a person. Many people misconstrue that attachment as "love" because they can't separate themselves from the other (at least not willingly). Love is not a feeling, it is an action.* When you love, you forgive, you communicate and you put selfishness aside. Doing it the right way teaches you how to love like Christ and put the covenant of your marriage first.
> 
> The good thing is, you have a group of women who are all in the same season as you! So you are not alone in this journey. *Even though your prayer life hasn't been as strong, I would challenge you to take one hour of your day and really communicate with God. Pour your heart out to him. Ask him to reveal any area to you that could possibly be preventing you from attracting your spouse (you are what you attract!). Doing it God's way isn't easy, but when He is the center, your marriage will always be rooted in faith. *
> 
> You are loved by someone greater than any man walking this earth



@Divine.

PREACH!
This message was so great I will take this challenge. Thank you
Alleyuya Alleyuya Alleyuya ! Amen!


----------



## Lucia

lalah said:


> @futureapl I was feeling the same way this morning and reading this article helped.
> *
> The Truth About Ishmael*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> All too often, I come across women who ask, “How long will I have to wait for my Isaac?” Some women even complain of having waited for years, and sometimes, decades to be found by their God-appointed husbands. At the same time, there are many women who hear the testimonies of other women who've waited for what appears to be unreasonable amounts of time, so they decide to go out and choose their own husbands. They'll oftentimes reason within themselves that it is okay for them to do whatever they think is necessary to get what they want if their hearts are in the right places. Of course, the women who have decided to wait on the Lord often find themselves upset when their non-faithful counterparts announce their engagements via social media. After all, if you've waited over five years to be found by your husband, you don't want to receive a phone call from your fornicating cousin asking you to be a part of her wedding.
> 
> It is not uncommon for me to receive emails from women who are upset when they see someone who's unfaithful walking down the aisle with what appears to be a good man, and for this reason, I want to share with you a few truths about Ishmael that should help you with your wait.
> 
> 
> Ishmael is not the husband of promise; he is a counterfeit who comes forward when the believer doubts God and decides to bring the promise to pass on her own.
> Faith will always scare Ishmael away, therefore, Ishmael is attracted to women who lack faith. What does this tell us? Remember, whatever you are, you are going to attract to yourself, so if you don't have the faith to wait on God, you're going to attract an unfaithful man. Ishmael is almost always unfaithful, but he eventually makes a believer out of every woman who didn't initially believe God.
> Ishmael is the result of impatience, but the funny thing is...women who refuse to wait on God for their husbands often find themselves tearfully waiting on God to change their husbands. If being single is a problem, you'll end up marrying a problem, and it is then that you'll start seeing singleness as a solution. Be patient with God; after all, He was and is patient with you.
> Ishmael isn't always worldly. This is the part that surprises many women because when we think about Ishmael, we think about a worldly character who is not following God. Of course, this misrepresentation of him has caused many women to end up marrying the very men Satan sent to hinder them. Please know that Satan's biggest weapons wear masks of humility and clothe themselves with costly, religious apparel in their attempts to fool the church. This means they are some of the biggest devils on the singles' market. Remember, the original Ishmael was the son of Abraham, and Abraham was a devout and faithful servant of YAHWEH.
> Try as you may, but you cannot turn Ishmael into Isaac. Many women have gone before you and tried, and some of them are in asylums today, while others are no longer in the realm of the earth. A man is going to be whomever and whatever he wants to be until he decides that he wants to change. All the same, many women are blinded by what they believe to be a man's potential to be a good husband. Let's face it. We all have potential to be great, but we also have the potential to be evil. Don't gamble on Ishmael; you'll always come out with the losing hand.
> Satan does disguise himself as an angel of light. Behold! You see your beautiful, religious, and fornicating friend post up a picture of her now bedazzled ring finger, with the caption, “_I said yes!_” You look at the likes and the comments, and she has 987 likes and 1,456 people congratulating her on her engagement. Over the next few days, you see countless photos being posted to her Facebook page, and she appears to have some angelic-like glow, and her new fiance is everything you think you want in a man. You even go to her wedding and see how beautiful she looks as she makes her way down the aisle towards her handsome and crying husband. It looks like her sin has rewarded her, right? _Look again!_ Just wait a few years. First and foremost, I always tell women to STOP envying other women! Seriously. Envy and jealousy are very unbecoming, and they're also ungodly. With that being said, please note that sin never wins..._ever_! Your friend simply has a microwave blessing.
> Have you ever reheated pizza in the microwave? If you have, you've probably noticed how perfect and delectable it looked while sitting in the microwave, but the minute you tried to bite into it, you found that the microwave dried that pizza's crust. That's the way microwave romance is. It looks good from the outside, but once you get a taste of it, you'll find out just how tough it is. If you'll only keep on living, life will surprise you. That friend who appeared to have sexed her way into a blessing will one day look at you with envy when you are walking down the aisle with the promised man (Isaac), and by this time, she'll either be divorced, separated or bitter. You'll then find out that the happiest day of her life was her wedding day, and believe me, that's a sad existence. Your wedding should NEVER be the happiest day in your marriage; it should be the start of greater days.
> If you marry Ishmael, you are in the same, rejecting Isaac. Let's get real here. Ishmael is like a used car; he can take you places, but he won't take you far, plus, he's going to keep breaking down on you. Isaac is like a new jet; he will take you to new heights and new places. He will take you to places you haven't imagined going. Sure, Isaac appears to be too expensive and too good to be true, and your understanding will tell you that it'll be years (or never) before you can afford the guy, but the truth is the distance (in years) between you and Isaac is equivalent to the time it takes for you to deny yourself wholly and follow God...with or without a man. Always remember that faith is a believer's currency, but fear, doubt and impatience are thieves sent to rob you of the promise. Any woman married to an Ishmael will vouch for me when I say that Ishmael isn't worth his price tag.
> Wait on God. There's so much to you that you have not yet realized, but if you don't let God send you the right man, you will undoubtedly end up with the wrong man. Ishmael may look like an easy safe to crack, but he's not. Only God can change him. You don't have the power, longevity or the mental strength to change that man.




@lalah 
Thanks for this post it's so on point and ringing true   Waiting on Issac is tough but I offer it up to the Lord in prayer.


----------



## Lucia

Divine. said:


> I love this video! If any of you ladies need a bit of encouragement, this video will do that just for you!
> 
> *The 2 Sides of Singleness*
> 
> A few months ago, I was at the the first international True Woman Conference, Mujer Verdadera '15, when Dannah Gresh surprised her translator, Jeanine (a missionary to Taiwan), with a tiny gift.
> 
> *Small but Powerful*
> 
> The size of the gift was minuscule, but its impact was enormous, and it brought the audience to tears, prayer and worship. It was a holy moment not just for Jeanine, but also for every woman who was single in the room.
> 
> Experience this moment for yourself and watch this short video clip:
> 
> Dannah captured two things that I think are really important for us to acknowledge as single women:
> 
> She affirmed a woman's desire for marriage as a good thing.
> She affirmed the gift of singleness as a good thing.
> *Two Sides of a Coin*
> 
> Both the desire for marriage and the gift of singleness are good, real and a gift from God, who does all things well.
> 
> These two issues are like two sides of a coin. Both are good. And I believe that both are necessary to make a complete "coin." In many ways the natural desire for marriage and the joyful embracing of the gift of singleness brings balance to a single woman's life. The desire for marriage can help us keep an "open hand" to seasons of change (if God wants to gift us with marriage) and the gift of singleness can help us fervently pursue our Heavenly Husband—the Lover of our souls—in undistracted devotion.
> 
> Both the desire for marriage and the gift of singleness are good, real and a gift from God who does all things well.
> 
> So if you're experiencing the gift of singleness today, don't try and "return" it. Embrace it, and invest it for God's glory!
> 
> http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/23654-the-2-sides-of-singleness



Ok one of you ladies finally got me tearing up over here 
That was so beautiful and inspiring. 
Love the idea behind the pennies. 
Thanks @Divine.


----------



## Lucia

http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/03/how-i-knew-my-husband-was-one.html#.Vaq1GmAquTM


*Monday, March 12, 2012*



(us on our wedding day, about 5 minutes before our first kiss! ;-)

As you all know, my single life wasn't the prettiest picture. I was a hot-mess to say the least. (I blogged about my single life here) I struggled by jumping from relationship to relationships on a crazy search to be whole. It was SO hard for me for a LONG time. THEN, I got SICK & tired of being SICK & tired. And I broke up with my then boyfriend in March 2008. Then, I felt like a email blast went out & all these guys kept asking me out. I knew it was a distraction. So I turned down a ton of good "christian" guys--I had NO peace about those guys. _I just knew that they weren't it._ I knew that I had a call on my life to go into Ministry--there was no question and *whoever I married needed to have the same vision. *And it wasn't enough for them to just "SAY" it-- I needed to be able to watch their relationship with Jesus myself & see some stuff' working. *You cannot perpetrate the Holy Spirit*. I knew HIM-- I KNEW when He was really active & moving in somebodies life and I knew when one was giving _lip service_. When you're that close to someone, _you can SEE their life_. Even in their weakness--what do they do with them? Do they turn to the world for comfort or allow God to strip them EVEN more so that they can be made into the image of Christ???

*My husband WALKED by me for three years straight at church.* We were in meetings together for years, saw each other from a distance, said hello every now and then and even at one point-- I walked into a room and it was just him and one other person in the room-- and I left the room and thought... (this was 2007) "I bet Cornelius is going to ask that guy for my phone number"-- but he never did! I wasn't LOOKING for him to ask for my phone number, at that time-- I was very confident in my little self! haha! I was thinking "I can have whoever I want, because I'm fly." Hey, it's a stretch from how I used to think so whatever.  I never thought about it again after that moment as I'm sure I had a little boyfriend at that time.

On January 4th, 2009 after church we started talking for the first time about the church fast that was coming up. I asked him if we could eat honey or soy milk. So then, he said answered and said, "I'm going to put a cow in the ground & grow it"-- (the fast was food from a seed in the ground only). So, YES-- Cornelius started flirting with me on the low! Then he started to ask me about New York (he lived in Atlanta)  and how hard it is to get around especially if you have a ton of  bags from grocery shopping. Then he asked me who "helps me with my bags" (2nd time trying to find out if I have a man lol)-- I told him that I carry my bags, take a cab or I use a NYC cart. 





I entertained CORNELIUS for the first time in almost a year because there was something different about him. During that time where I finally got single, I started really getting on my FACE daily before God. I went on dates with Him, talked to Him about EVERYTHING-- would spend weekends with a jug of water and my bible & just spent crazy time with Him. Note that even while I was dating randoms, I was doing this as well.  Spending time with God is crazy vital. So important for your spiritual growth. HOW do you trust someone you DON'T know!? I blogged about it Spending Time with God, be sure to read it.

I had an OVERWHELMING sense of peace when I met my husband. Its like God was like *FINALLY*. I've been able to connect them both when they're both finally single. Let's all be clear-- I wasnt' ready those 3 years prior when I saw him. I was READY on 1/4/09. Period. Does that mean that I was "perfect" or I had "arrived" in wholeness? Heck no. I HAD a ton and I still HAVE a ton of things to work on. On Christmas day, 2008-- I was surrounded by my family and one of my sisters was like, _:when are you going to start having some babies!? Your clock is tickin'_ (I was 26)-- I told her, "shouldn't I be married first?! I wont' have no babies with some random. When I meet a man that is FIT to be my husband and raise this next generation-- is when I'll have some kids. So as soon as I know, I'm sure you will too. Until then,* I'm content in Christ. HE is all I need*." Later that day, I was spending time with God and I cried out to Him.. .I said, "Lord, YOU are all I need"-- I'm SO happy and so content in You. If I'm single for another 10 years, I don't care-- YOU are all I want. YOU are all I need." Then, He told me that I was going to get married at 27. I was shocked! I was like, well, if I'm going to be married at 27, you need to bring homeboy soon because I have NO prospects. Not ONE. You told me to cut them all off and it's just me & You. So, work it out Lord..

10 days later, I met my now husband. 1 year and 8 months later and 1 month before my 28th birthday.. I married my hubby. 








*1. First, I finally had peace*. Most guys I dated, God didn't like for us to be together-- even when I would ignore my little peace and try to make it work. 

*2. He refused to kiss me until our wedding day.* The bible says to "Flee Fornication" for a reason. "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body."- 1 Cor 6:18. So if homebody keeps on pressuring me to sin against my body, he clearly doesnt' love GOD or me. Jus sayin'. He SET & kept those boundaries. He did everything he could to protect me, my integrity and most importantly, honor God.

*3. His vision lined up with what GOD already TOLD me.* I knew in 2005 that I was called to preach and share Christ to this hurting world. Sorry, I wasn't marryin' no rapper. Yeah, he could change-- but I didn't want to wait 40 years for him to come around & change. I needed to see the guy I was supposed to marry actively pursing God RIGHT now. 

*4. I kept getting better in the relationship.* Cornelius wasn't a stumbling block for me. He was REALLY concerned that I had a relationship with Jesus alone that was not founded in my EMOTIONS. He refused to let me depend on Him and He ALWAYS pushed me towards Christ. 

*5. God was ALL up in my quiet time pressing me to pray for Him* & build Him up and God always encouraged me to love Him. GOD was giving me CONSTANT instruction with Cornelius. It was pretty cool. One day I was mad at Cornelius and the Lord told me-- "Why don't you ask me how to deal with Cornelius? I created Him, I can show you how he works."  .. oh you're right God. lol 

*6. He shut me down*. I don't care how you flip it-- most women like discipline from a man in the sense that THEY are leading the relationship. I was confident that Cornelius knew where he was going and he didn't need me to lead the relationship due to his confusion. I have a STRONG personality and I needed someone to tell me no. In the past, I manipulated guys so it was nice to get called out. So, Cornelius is a LEADER. I didn't want to ask my guy my whole life.. where are we going & take his little leader reins. 

7. When he said something, he would do it. Guys, you gotta keep your word. *How can I believe in you if you don't believe in you or what you say?*

*8. I was attracted to him*. I had to put this in-- sometimes, we think we have to marry someone we aren't attracted to because we think that he's it. Once, I dated this guy that I wasn't 100% attracted to and I struggled with it and thought I had to marry him because he was one of the first Christan guys I dated after I got saved. I didn't know there were cute Christians. Jus sayin'. I wanna LIKE looking at him for the rest of my life. Yeah, stuff can happen but one of my desires was to be attracted to my guy. NOT the main desire, but one of them.

*9. He was growing.* While we courted, he was willing to ADJUST and change. I knew that when things would come our way, He would man up, admit his mistakes & CHANGE. He wasn't trying to hold on to his old ways. He wanted to be better and was willing to adjust. _AND he let ME grow_. He wasn't all hard on me-- pressuring me to be some doctor or lawyer because it looked good. He let me grow UP from all of my weaknesses & issues. He HELPED me & was patient with me.

*10. With all of that said, he really loved Jesus*. It encouraged me. Jobs can come and go, money can leave, looks can fade but if that man really, I mean really loves Jesus and wants to live for Him-- *NOTHING is impossible.* My spirit was so excited about every aspect of Cornelius. I was never NOT at peace with him. I wanted so many things in a man and I never thought I would meet someone with my desires. God exceeded my expectations and my husband MEASURED up. Yours will too. 



*11. (Bonus number) I RESPECTED HIM* alot because of the above. Don't marry someone you don't respect or look up to. 



Remember this is no formula. I am just sharing what was important to ME. Let God lead you every second of the way. And if that guy or girl hasn't come.. they aren't supposed to. Keep your eyes in  your own grass and focus on GOD & working with your portion. Let GOD be your matchmaker. 

God loves you like crazy,
Heather


----------



## futureapl

Ladies please pray for me. It seems like whenever I'm feeling down and out Mr. Wrong always tries to creep in. My ex boyfriend from 4 years ago contacted me yesterday while I was watching a sermon about 1 Peter 4. He was practically begging me to be his friend while also telling me he loves me. This guy is no good. He just got married in April. I keep telling him I don't want to be his friend nor have any contact with him. He seems to not be taking me seriously. I don't know how to respectfully tell him to leave me alone.


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## bellatiamarie

futureapl said:


> Ladies please pray for me. It seems like whenever I'm feeling down and out Mr. Wrong always tries to creep in. My ex boyfriend from 4 years ago contacted me yesterday while I was watching a sermon about 1 Peter 4. He was practically begging me to be his friend while also telling me he loves me. This guy is no good. He just got married in April. I keep telling him I don't want to be his friend nor have any contact with him. He seems to not be taking me seriously. I don't know how to respectfully tell him to leave me alone.



Praying for you sis... keep that door CLOSED and locked.  Don't let the enemy fool and trick you... he's a married man.


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## Divine.

futureapl said:


> Ladies please pray for me. It seems like whenever I'm feeling down and out Mr. Wrong always tries to creep in. My ex boyfriend from 4 years ago contacted me yesterday while I was watching a sermon about 1 Peter 4. He was practically begging me to be his friend while also telling me he loves me. This guy is no good. He just got married in April. I keep telling him I don't want to be his friend nor have any contact with him. He seems to not be taking me seriously. I don't know how to respectfully tell him to leave me alone.



Um...you don't respectfully tell him anything. You block and delete his number and ignore his advances. Men respond to actions, not words.

The Lord says to guard our hearts and that's exactly what you have to do. This blog by Cornelius Lindsey changed my whole perspective when I was trying to find a "nice" way to tell a man who disrespected me we couldn't talk anymore: http://thebookofcornelius.blogspot.com/2014/12/confessions-of-womanizer.html?m=0

You need to look out for yourself.


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## bellatiamarie

1 Peter 5:10
10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

Jeremiah 17:7-8
7 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.
8 For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.


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## futureapl

@ Divine I deleted his number four years ago and asked him to delete mine. He obviously didn't.  I blocked his number last night. Somehow after blocking it he was still able to text me.


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## Divine.

futureapl said:


> @ Divine I deleted his number four years ago and asked him to delete mine. He obviously didn't.  I blocked his number last night. Somehow after blocking it he was still able to text me.



Then continue to ignore him or change your number. He'll leave you alone once he realizes he can't access you.


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## Belle Du Jour

6 Part love story:

"It all started with a prayer. As I entered my 30s, I still wanted to get married. But I chose to surrender both my loneliness and desire to have a family to Him knowing that He wants what is best for me. And then, in Germany, I met Roman. . ."

http://learningtoserve-raluca.blogspot.de/2014/01/our-love-story-our-very-first-meeting.html


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## Belle Du Jour

Recent young adults series on marriage in NYC:


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## Belle Du Jour

http://jackieandbobby.com/2015/08/13/my-marriage-is-not-a-fairy-tale/


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## Lucia

This guy is so funny


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## Lucia




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## Lucia

Ladies 
I was just in the prayer request thread and novena thread and it stuck me that we all know the praying in numbers works.  

I wonder if we as single ladies who have the call to be wives and mothers shouldn't we start praying for each other on the regular for others in the thread who've expressed they're call to be wives? 
 If you're already been doing that great keep it up and thanks zillion.  
I haven't been consistent on this but I'm up for the challenge who's with me?  



Mat 18:20
20 [a]For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

Kari Jobe is now married and expecting 

ETA: she married Cody Carnes, her fellow worship leader.  If you watch a lot of her older videos, he was worshipping right beside her all along.  Our God is SO good!!!

The proposal story: www.codyandkari.com


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## Lucia

http://www.wiseherstill.com/2014/12/the-plight-of-average-woman.html?m=1


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## Lucia




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## Lucia




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## Lucia

Ladies I need prayer I'm in such emotional turmoil and deep pain right now.
I even feel selfish for asking you to pray for me for help with this. But I'm now confused and lost.
I was in a LDR it ended a while ago bc he had to get his schooling and job together. So I gave him his space but slowly communication dropped off.  So I figured either he doesn't want to resume the relationship until he has something to offer or he's no longer into me and has someone else.
Well today I saw the beautiful wedding pictures of him and his bride in a lavish wedding at some luxurious hotel. I knew this was a possibility but I'm still devastated.  There were no we are engaged stuff beforehand so I didn't know at all.
It should not have hit me so hard but it did. I've been in tears all day off and on.


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## Divine.

Lucia said:


> Ladies I need prayer I'm in such emotional turmoil and deep pain right now.
> I even feel selfish for asking you to pray for me for help with this. But I'm now confused and lost.
> I was in a LDR it ended a while ago bc he had to get his schooling and job together. So I gave him his space but slowly communication dropped off.  So I figured either he doesn't want to resume the relationship until he has something to offer or he's no longer into me and has someone else.
> Well today I saw the beautiful wedding pictures of him and his bride in a lavish wedding at some luxurious hotel. I knew this was a possibility but I'm still devastated.  There were no we are engaged stuff beforehand so I didn't know at all.
> It should not have hit me so hard but it did. I've been in tears all day off and on.



You are not selfish! You are human  The way you are feeling is perfectly normal. I will keep you in my prayers


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## Lucia

Divine. said:


> You are not selfish! You are human  The way you are feeling is perfectly normal. I will keep you in my prayers


Thanks for the support it means a lot.


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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Ladies I need prayer I'm in such emotional turmoil and deep pain right now.
> I even feel selfish for asking you to pray for me for help with this. But I'm now confused and lost.
> I was in a LDR it ended a while ago bc he had to get his schooling and job together. So I gave him his space but slowly communication dropped off.  So I figured either he doesn't want to resume the relationship until he has something to offer or he's no longer into me and has someone else.
> Well today I saw the beautiful wedding pictures of him and his bride in a lavish wedding at some luxurious hotel. I knew this was a possibility but I'm still devastated.  There were no we are engaged stuff beforehand so I didn't know at all.
> It should not have hit me so hard but it did. I've been in tears all day off and on.



Praying for you. :hugs:

God has something better in mind for you.


----------



## kanozas

What's an "LDR." long-term relationship?  I'm sorry and know it hurts but it ended and he moved on.  He's not the one G-d has for you.  Keep on hoping and moving forward.  Get some fresh air and exercise and pray through the anxiety.  Praying for you.


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Praying for you. :hugs:
> 
> God has something better in mind for you.



Amen from your lips to Gods ears.



kanozas said:


> What's an "LDR." long-term relationship?  I'm sorry and know it hurts but it ended and he moved on.  He's not the one G-d has for you.  Keep on hoping and moving forward.  Get some fresh air and exercise and pray through the anxiety.  Praying for you.



LDR =long distance relationship


@Belle Du Jour @kanozas

Ladies Thank you so much


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## Belle Du Jour

Oh this is a good one: http://truelovedoesntwait.com/


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## bellatiamarie

Praying for you @Lucia

That's terrible... but you will get through this.  Don't beat yourself up for how you're feeling. It's only natural to feel hurt after heartbreak.  Just remember that God will heal your broken heart.

You'll make it through sis... keep pushing and praying.


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## Belle Du Jour




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## Belle Du Jour




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## Divine.

I was going to blog about this, but I decided to write it here.

Something I have been struggling with is the idea that you have to reach a certain level of righteous before you can have a husband. I have always been taught that you must be content in the Lord first and only then would you get a husband. I'm not sure I believe this anymore.

There's so many beautiful Christian women serving the Lord wholeheartedly that I can't believe this. I am perfectly content in the Lord, but that doesn't mean I don't want a husband! I wasn't called to singleness, so I won't accept it as God's will for my life. 

I don't know why there are so many single Christian women. I don't know why we have to wait longer than the average woman to find our Mr. Right. However I do know the type of man I want God to bless me with. The fallacy many women believe is that the measure of how long we wait is based solely on our devotion to the Lord. I do think it matters, but I don't think it's the whole story.

We all have a vision of the man we want to spend the rest of our life with. If you're really honest with yourself, you _would_ want God to take His time with him. You would also want God to mold you into the woman you need to be to complement your husband. 

I get impatient sometimes...but when I think about my future husband I get excited. He will be exactly what I need because God perfected him in His image


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## Maracujá

May the LORD grant that each of you will *find rest* in the home of another husband." Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud - Ruth 1:9

Lately we can find a lot of articles on how we shouldn't really be aspiring that much to marriage because in the end it doesn't bring us happiness. And it is semi true. But I like this Scripture here found in the book of Ruth, it can easily be glanced over but it's so important. This is God's Word and He says we will find rest in the home of our future husbands. Right now I am homemaker and breadwinner and though I'm holding on, I need to come up with a sustainable long term solution should I remain single for another decade because I can not keep going at this rate for a long time. Marriage is NOT the solution, but as God Himself said: two are better than one.


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## kanozas

Maracujá said:


> May the LORD grant that each of you will *find rest* in the home of another husband." Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud - Ruth 1:9
> 
> *Lately we can find a lot of articles on how we shouldn't really be aspiring that much to marriage because in the end it doesn't bring us happiness.* And it is semi true. But I like this Scripture here found in the book of Ruth, it can easily be glanced over but it's so important. This is God's Word and He says we will find rest in the home of our future husbands. Right now I am homemaker and breadwinner and though I'm holding on, I need to come up with a sustainable long term solution should I remain single for another decade because I can not keep going at this rate for a long time. Marriage is NOT the solution, but as God Himself said: two are better than one.



To me, that's part of the culture of death.  It's anti-family and Judaism and Catholicism/Orthodoxy stress the importance of family and how it relates to faith and the Church or body of believers and adherents.  When building families is the cultural basis of your faith, it's hard to get around it.  Even priests and religious "marry" the Church and Jesus.  Adam and Eve became family.  I think you should find articles that support marriage rather than these ones that present it so negatively.  I agree, I've seen a lot of those and it's discouraging if you allow it to take the place of the bible's intent.  Worse, they seem to target Black women the world over.  I think this is a satanic attack.  Marriage is desirable and people should seek it, depending upon their known vocation in life.

There is a lot of symbolism between marriage and the Church and I believe there is a lot of mystery involved in both.  It is a process and many blessings come through it.   The world doesn't value marriage and that attitude has infiltrated believers.


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## kanozas

You know, I don't want a man who whores himself with other women.  This double-standard of just women being pure or celibate is nonsense.  Jesus was also a virgin.  Did people miss that point?  Who on earth should want a man who looks at another woman, past or present, and decides that that's all she's worth - his ejaculatory tool?  No thanks.  Past mistakes?  We're all in the position of needing forgiveness.  But who wants a man who can't control his passions?  No thanks.  How he treated other women is very telling.


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## Nina_S

Belle Du Jour said:


> Praying for you. :hugs:
> 
> God has something better in mind for you.



@Lucia  I pray that you find peace! 

I totally agree with Belle Du Jour.  There is so much better coming your way - more than you can imagine.  MAKE ROOM!  I pray that WE ALL have the patience and strength.  I have learned that with disappointments that there is something better.  Recently I had to be reminded, "That wasn't what you have been praying for!"  Once I took inventory and revisited God's promises I sat myself right on down.  Just yesterday I read a devotional that really spoke to my heart and I hope it blesses you...



SEPTEMBER 15, 2015

*Unwanted Change in Your Life*
KRISTEN STRONG

_"The LORD had said to Abram, ‘Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you …’ So Abram went, as the LORD had told him." Genesis 12:1-2a, 4a (NIV)_

​
I stand in the kitchen, lost in the rhythm of dinner preparation, while singing with a tune sauntering from the radio. Suddenly, an offbeat percussion noise invades my peaceful space as it bounces around the house. I quickly move to the window to see if it’s what I think it is. Sure enough, nickel-sized hail pings everything, like a drumbeat set to the tune of destruction.

I fly out the door to bring my potted plants toward protection. But it’s not ‘til the storm leaves and the hail melts that I see the full extent of the damage.

Flourishing flowerbeds have been reduced to flower shrapnel. The potted arrangements fared better because I brought them in mid-storm, but many petunia and geranium stems stand stark naked, their foliage in limp piles on the Miracle-Gro dirt.

Commence yours truly throwing a fit big enough to make any toddler proud. I stomp my feet and shout, "It’ll take a miracle to get these flowers back to the way they were!"

This is one change I could do without.

If you’re like me and have spent much of life viewing unwanted change with crossed arms and stomping feet, you might see it like a devastating hailstorm. Just when your life is settled and moving along well, something comes along and damages much that is beautiful within it.

_The man who was supposed to stay, left.
The place that was "home," is no longer your address.
The boss you showed your best work to, showed you the door._

A monumental moment fell into your life, and it stands like a stone in your pathway blocking your contentment. Within the darkness of your fears, you think, _"It’ll take a miracle to get things back to the way they were."_

As a longtime Air Force wife, my life played to the soundtrack of change. Just when I got used to something — our location, local friends, my husband’s schedule — things would be shaken and rearranged, and I’d have to get used to something different. I spent years fighting this reality until one day I felt the Lord ask me to change my prayers from _God, remove this change from my life_ to a new perspective: _God, remove my attitude toward this change_.

Sometimes, a girl has to find a new song to sing. I needed new lyrics to redirect my attention from my fears to the faithful promises of God, like the one found in Genesis.

In Genesis 12, when God asks Abram to leave his home for a new, unfamiliar land, He gave Abram a promise to hold onto during the weary transition. A promise to bless Abram through the change. And you know what? God does the same for you and me as He did for Abram.

_*If God is sending you to a new place, He’s sending you with a promise of blessing.*_

Perhaps the best thing you and I can do is, like Abram, obey God by leaning into the change rather than fighting it.

Whether you experience transition under your feet, in your heart, or both, the Lord is using it for you, not against you. He is bringing you to a new place for the purpose of blessing you. We can trust change is not a life hindrance, but a life occurrence acting as a stepping-stone toward God’s best for us.

It’s more than OK to mourn the loss change brings. But as we do, may we also remember that change is not the end. A new song, sung to the tune of God’s promises and to the steady rhythm of His grace, is the blessing to find as a result.

_Dear Father, thank You that while unwanted change is a surprise to me, it’s not a surprise to You. Thank You for being my safe place where I can share my fears about this change. Help me to believe that if You’re allowing something I never fathomed into my life, it’s because You’re working something unfathomably good for me through it. In Jesus’ Name, Amen._



*TRUTH FOR TODAY:*
Romans 9:33, "God warned them of this in the Scriptures when he said, ‘I am placing a stone in Jerusalem that makes people stumble, a rock that makes them fall. *But anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.’" (NLT)*

Galatians 3:29, "And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you." (NLT)

*RELATED RESOURCES:*
Read the rest of Kristen Strong’s change story as well as the stories of others in her hope-filled book _Girl Meets Change: Truths to Carry You Through Life’s Transitions_.

Find more everyday encouragement and downloadable freebies when you stop by Kristen’s blog, Chasing Blue Skies.

Enter to WIN a copy of _*Girl Meets Change*_ by Kristen Strong. In celebration of this book, Kristen’s publisher is giving away 10 copies! Enter to win by leaving a comment here, letting us know why you’d like a copy for yourself OR whom you would give the book to, if you won. {We’ll randomly select 10 winners and email notifications to each one by Monday, September 21.}

*REFLECT AND RESPOND:*
What changes are you fearful about today? What is one way you can lean into the change in your own life?


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Wow.  We serve such a loving Father. 

http://waitingtillmarriage.org/motivational-speaker-nick-vujicic-waited-until-marriage/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://www.catholicreview.org/artic...andshake-of-peace-to-engagement-at-holy-cross


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## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> May the LORD grant that each of you will *find rest* in the home of another husband." Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud - Ruth 1:9
> 
> Lately we can find a lot of articles on how we shouldn't really be aspiring that much to marriage because in the end it doesn't bring us happiness. And it is semi true. But I like this Scripture here found in the book of Ruth, it can easily be glanced over but it's so important. This is God's Word and He says we will find rest in the home of our future husbands. Right now I am homemaker and breadwinner and though I'm holding on, I need to come up with a sustainable long term solution should I remain single for another decade because I can not keep going at this rate for a long time. Marriage is NOT the solution, but as God Himself said: two are better than one.



Yes I very much feel not at rest. Something or possibly someone is missing.  We all have a call to a vocation,  to permanency. Not having that is starting to wear on me. I'm not even specifically praying for marriage anymore. I'm asking God t o fulfill my vocation,  whatever that is. May the Lord answer all our prayers and give us places of rest.


----------



## LiftedUp

That's horrible Lucia.  I pray that you find peace regarding this situation and for your emotional strength and well being.


----------



## LiftedUp

Belle Du Jour said:


> Yes I very much feel not at rest. Something or possibly someone is missing.  We all have a call to a vocation,  to permanency. Not having that is starting to wear on me. I'm not even specifically praying for marriage anymore. I'm asking God t o fulfill my vocation,  whatever that is. May the Lord answer all our prayers and give us places of rest.




This is random... I know... but have you tried joining a couple of Ministries at your church and/or parish?  You may have of course but it just came to me to ask.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

LiftedUp said:


> This is random... I know... but have you tried joining a couple of Ministries at your church and/or parish?  You may have of course but it just came to me to ask.



I have recently joined an active group that combines service,  faith, etc.  They do service activities,  book clubs, masses, etc.


----------



## bellatiamarie

The end of another year is approaching and nothing has changed...


----------



## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> The end of another year is approaching and nothing has changed...



When a seed is planted, it doesn't sprout right away. There is a lot going on beneath the surface. You never know what seeds you planted this year and how soon you will reap a harvest.   Don't get discouraged


----------



## LiftedUp

"Belle Du Jour said:


> I have recently joined an active group that combines service,  faith, etc.  They do service activities,  book clubs, masses, etc.



Great, my friend attended a retreat for singles the other day.  His marital status is single but he is in a committed relationship.  He said that a lot of persons attended with the hope of finding other Catholic singles.  I mentally kicked myself for not thinking of this earlier.

Anyway all of that was to say that I'm not in total agreement with giving up on marriage and being with "the one".

Of course it's a personal choice and none of my business lol.  But if you're open to other options, maybe joining groups in your church & parish.  You may not meet the guy but you may meet his mom/friend/coworker etc.

Eta: I met with my priest the other day and he mentioned wanting me to take a more active role in the groups in the church.  Especially those that deals with the background running of the church.  I'm pretty active as it is and anything more I might as well be living in there lol.  Maybe the message was for me to share ? I'm not sure


----------



## movingforward

I heard Indie Arie "I'm ready for love".  I wasn't ready for the attack of emotions that came from no where.  

Maybe it's time I'm proactive in this area of my life.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Ladies, I went to a singles retreat last year and after the retreat, 1 girl met her guy in Sept 2014 and got engaged in February 2015. One girl met a guy 4 months ago and they just got engaged.  When it's God's timing it happens, especially if we are on board and staying in the right place mentally and spiritually. The first girl is young but the 2nd woman is probably in her 40s and heavy set. There is a potential someone for everyone.


----------



## AnjelLuvs

movingforward said:


> I heard Indie Arie "I'm ready for love".  I wasn't ready for the attack of emotions that came from no where.
> 
> Maybe it's time I'm proactive in this area of my life.


*Which is why I avoid my LOVE playlist, this song has a 5 star rating so it shows up so much at wrong tim... ALways takes me there, since inception, Lol*


----------



## ItsMeLilLucky

Ladies, I have a question: Do you think what has happened to when you were younger impacts your dating (life? career? I am not sure which word is appropriate lol)?

I never knew why older men were always attracted to me. Until now (it literally just hit me). Oh man...I'm about to reveal something really personal right now, but *inhale* *exhale* My uncle molested me when I was 10 (he molested a bunch of other folks in my family, but that's a story for another time). And it seems like that's the connection, that's why older men seem so attracted to me. Maybe I'm reaching, but that is what it feels like.


----------



## Lucia

@whosthatcurl 

That's horrible I'm so sorry that happened but you've survived and are living testimony. I think that the patterns established in childhood affect every area of  our lives. But it's also our duty as adults to recognize any negative patterns as you have and break those negative patterns in our lives ASAP.


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## Divine.

@whosthatcurl Absolutely! I always felt like my parents didn't love me when I was younger. So when I got old enough to date, I chased love down. I just wanted someone to care about me. I became codependent and attracted men who did not want relationships. I stayed in those relationships because I wanted them to want to be with me.


----------



## ItsMeLilLucky

Lord Jesus in Heaven. Help me  to keep a lid on my anger, because these new neighbors in the front of our building play their music so loud that I can hear it clearly in the back of building where I am. Jesus be a pair of headphones because I can't afford to move right now


----------



## ItsMeLilLucky

whosthatcurl said:


> Lord Jesus in Heaven. Help me  to keep a lid on my anger, because these new neighbors in the front of our building play their music so loud that I can hear it clearly in the back of building where I am. Jesus be a pair of headphones because I can't afford to move right now


----------



## nlamr2013

whosthatcurl said:


> Ladies, I have a question: Do you think what has happened to when you were younger impacts your dating (life? career? I am not sure which word is appropriate lol)?
> 
> I never knew why older men were always attracted to me. Until now (it literally just hit me). Oh man...I'm about to reveal something really personal right now, but *inhale* *exhale* My uncle molested me when I was 10 (he molested a bunch of other folks in my family, but that's a story for another time). And it seems like that's the connection, that's why older men seem so attracted to me. Maybe I'm reaching, but that is what it feels like.


booooo I had this extra thoughtful drawn out reply and somehow erased it anywho 
Im so sorry that happened to you. To not have his actions affect your future you must forgive him and set yourself free.  
Yes my father and father's family(because they were upset with my dad) rejected me and now I will avoid any scenario where there's even a possibly I could be rejected.  As you could imagine that is problematic. Lol

As far as my singleness I have been feeling a pull lately I'm not sure if it's age, the weather (the cooler months make me feel lonely always have) or the fact that I pulled away from all is my close friends (it was necessary) something has me picturing Mt hubby and our big headed children and being a part time home maker it's new and a little unexpected because I know I'm not where I need to be to have the proper biblical marriage


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## Lucia

whosthatcurl said:


> Lord Jesus in Heaven. Help me  to keep a lid on my anger, because these new neighbors in the front of our building play their music so loud that I can hear it clearly in the back of building where I am. Jesus be a pair of headphones because I can't afford to move right now



Ignore them or put your own music on not blasting but enough to drown their music out.


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## whosthatgurl

Had a wonderful day today, received a great prophesy concerning my life as it relates to marriage, and yet I'm sad because of this person that I was interested in will not communicate back with me. 

I'm sad and confused. And mad that I let my guard down this easily. He seems like a great guy. I just don't understand sometimes.


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## Belle Du Jour

http://chastityproject.com/2015/09/the-vocation-fixation-what-does-god-want/


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## Lucia

Ok I need to vent  
I read the Ishmael post several times a couple pages up very insightful and on point.
Now my thing is where does that leave the good girls, the Christian girls who have dedicated themselves to living the way Christ would like is to live, the women who don't stay doing the most  just to have or keep a man?

It's  like men are thinking oh well Girl A  will cook clean have sex, move in with me with no expectations regarding marriage so she Must truly LOVE me.

Where as Girl B won't do all that for me until I marry her so maybe she doesn't love me as much?
It appears as though this is what is going on to me like this is the new standard.
So what can or should we do about it?
I'm not being envious I'm just pointing out what I see every day.

An  acquaintance who's been shaked up with her man for a couple of years and has 2 kids with said man recently I should say finally got engaged. Whereas me and friends like me (educated well traveled, Christian etc) are being passed up and not even looked at or considered as catches.  

Like the Ishmael post these women sex their way into there marriages and always get their man. But I had a male friend actually say that a woman who didn't "go for hers" meaning do the most for her man (even though there's no commitment) was a punk so I'm not getting this out of thin air.


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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Ok I need to vent
> I read the Ishmael post several times a couple pages up very insightful and on point.
> Now my thing is where does that leave the good girls, the Christian girls who have dedicated themselves to living the way Christ would like is to live, the women who don't stay doing the most  just to have or keep a man?
> 
> It's  like men are thinking oh well Girl A  will cook clean have sex, move in with me with no expectations regarding marriage so she Must truly LOVE me.
> 
> Where as Girl B won't do all that for me until I marry her so maybe she doesn't love me as much?
> It appears as though this is what is going on to me like this is the new standard.
> So what can or should we do about it?
> I'm not being envious I'm just pointing out what I see every day.
> 
> An  acquaintance who's been shaked up with her man for a couple of years and has 2 kids with said man recently I should say finally got engaged. Whereas me and friends like me (educated well traveled, Christian etc) are being passed up and not even looked at or considered as catches.
> 
> Like the Ishmael post these women sex their way into there marriages and always get their man. But I had a male friend actually say that a woman who didn't "go for hers" meaning do the most for her man (even though there's no commitment) was a punk so I'm not getting this out of thin air.



But...you don't want Ishmael.  He's not a prize. Just because those girls compromised to get a ring doesn't mean it will be happily ever after.  And I'm not wishing ill on them but what a person sows they reap. You don't want that harvest...Keep sowing those beautiful fruits of the spirit that will be ridiculously attractive to a man who is rooted in God. Don't. Give. Up.


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## Lucia

Reminiscing said:


> The Lord placed this prayer on my heart today...
> 
> Almighty God,
> 
> I come before you lifting the single women of this forum.  Every time I think of single Christian women, the word "strength" pops into my spirit.  Lord, as we move forward into the holiday season, a time that singleness can be a huge burden and a cause for feeling lonely, I want you to remind each and every one of us that through you anything is possible and through you we are strong enough to get through this season.
> 
> There are enough ungodly men in this world that each one of us could be married right now but it is by Your strength that we CHOOSE to hold out for a godly man, one hand selected by You.  Shield us from the unfiltered, inconsiderate questions and comments of family and friends who use the holidays as a time to question us of our single status.  Fill us with the peace the surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).  Remind us that that scripture not only speaks to us but it speaks to those who question us as well.  They do not have to understand why we CHOOSE not to marry just anyone.  They do not have to understand the STRENGTH that you've give us to wait on You.  Redirect their minds Lord.  Quench their desire to search through our personal business for answers on our single lives.  Send them instead on a search to find the PEACE that we stand on, the peace that surpasses all understanding.
> 
> Lord, as a single woman, I stand here confessing that this walk is not easy, but by your GRACE, I will continue to walk this walk until my single path crosses with the path of the husband I KNOW you have for me.  Father for every single woman, I declare that every chain of depression, desperation, shame, and guilt is broken right in the name of JESUS.  Remind us that we are not choosing to be single, but rather we are choosing to fill your godly purpose for us.  Singleness is just merely a step towards fulfilling that purpose.  I claim for each of us that the next step of Marriage and Family will be worth every second of our waiting.
> 
> Father, you placed on my heart that someone somewhere needs this prayer.  Dry the tears of the one who is crying right now.  Mend her broken heart Lord.  Fill her with confidence and courage.  She will get through this.  She will see joy in the morning.  Father, it took me a long time to reach this place of peace and I can't thank you enough for bringing me to this point.  Every tear I shed along the way was worth the unwavering, unshakable faith that I now have as a result of my pain.  If you can do it for me, you can do it for the one who is crying right now.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, Father!  Her healing has begun and in Your name it will be complete!
> 
> Amen!



Good prayer reposting


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## Lucia

http://sheismore.com/the-husband-list-12-non-negotiables/


*The Husband List: 12 Non-Negotiables*
by Kristen Dalton Wolfe on October 24, 2013 in Love







Many people use the fact that God already knows the desires of our hearts as an excuse not to pray. Although, he does know them, he still commands us to, “in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6. In the book of Mark, a blind man had his friends take him to Jesus to be healed for his eyesight. Yet when he got in front of Jesus, even though it was obvious what the blind man wanted, Jesus still asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”

Therefore, even if you have a vision or idea of what your future husband will be like, it is important that you define the specific traits in your life partner. I was in a bible study where we were required to make a “husband list” for homework. It couldn’t just be a short list of the basics. We had to be specific. An example would be, “A man who has a calm temperament and handles stress well.” This may sound silly, but the reason it is important to put the important qualities you desire into writing is to hold you accountable. It also gives you heightened discernment in dating situations.

Let’s be honest ladies, it can be easy to let something slide or dismiss a red flag when a cute guy tells us yummy, fluttery words we want to hear. But is it an ugly situation when we let our hearts get too wrapped up into someone who ultimately doesn’t take care of it. The list keeps your standards in check and can help you quickly discern whether or not that guy gets a second date. It protects your heart against unnecessary wear and tear. In fact, your heart is so important to God that He says, “Above all else, guard your heart for from it flows the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

I encourage each of you to make a husband list too. After I made mine, I met my husband 2 months later and not only was he every single character trait on that list, he was more. But I shouldn’t have been too surprised because,* “God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20. *

Now, each one of your lists is going to have unique things according to who you are, your quirks, likes and dislikes. *But there are some fundamental traits that God wants to be non-negotiables. Choosing who you will partner the rest of your life with is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make*. Too many young women are settling for less than God’s best because they don’t know exactly how He expects His daughters to be treated. Based on scripture, here is a list of non-negotiables for you so you don’t have to second guess anymore.

*1. He is a practicing believer. *
“Do not be yoked together with an unbeliever…For what agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-16. Issues and conflict are bound to rise in marriage, so it is crucial that there is a common foundation on which to hold the marriage accountable. The last thing you want to be fighting about is your faith, whether or not to pray and your viewpoints on religion. Believe me, I’ve been there before. It is exhausting.

*2. God is the center of his life. *
He seeks God’s wisdom in all the decisions he makes.
“With wisdom are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver.” Proverbs 8:18-19

*3. He has integrity and does not put himself in tempting situations.*
He guards you against harm and protects the relationship. “Keep to a path far from evil, do not go near the door of that house, lest you give your best strength to others.” Proverbs 5:8-9

*4. Seeks mentorship and counsel.*
It is important that your man is wise in realizing he can’t carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. When he is surrounded by men who are older than him who can offer advice, prayer and mentorship, he can be a better husband to you. “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15

*5. He is slow to anger. *
There is peace in knowing your man holds an even temperament even when he is provoked. A man who allows his feelings, emotions and anger to determine his actions typically has tarnished relationships and is not a healthy place for you or a family. “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18

*6. He holds strong conviction on the sacredness of fidelity.*
A man is wise when he understand that infidelity and looking for pleasure outside of the marriage only brings strife. God actually calls him to rejoice over you all of his days. “May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth…May you be ever captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?” Proverbs 5:18-20.

*7. He is honorable of your heart and emotional well-being. *
I hated when a guy I was dating exposed my embarrassing moments or the private matters of our relationship with his friends. Picking on you may seem cute and funny at first, but it will get old after a while. You should feel honored and safe knowing you can always trust your husband to cover and speak well of you. “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers,” Proverbs 5:17.
“Love each other deeply because love covers all wrongs.” 1 Peter 4:8.

*8. He is disciplined in living a life of integrity*.
Watch how he handles temptation or sticky situations that test his character. Does he choose to do what’s right even when no one is watching? It is imperative to observe these things because it will indicate if you can trust his decision making. When you’re married, almost all of his decisions impact you. “He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.” Proverbs 5:23

*9. Has solid work ethic. *
“A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest- and poverty will come upon you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.” Proverbs 6:10-11.

*10. He pursues and loves you passionately.*
The man you marry should make you feel loved like you’ve never felt before. Safe, accepted, desired, nurtured, protected and comforted. Jesus loves us deeply, he loves us so fiercely, that he willingly gave up his life to save us.
Pursues: “So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.” Genesis 29:20.
Loves: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25.

*11. Romances you. *
I know women who feel guilty or wrong for desiring romance in their relationship, as if they don’t deserve it. But God desires for your heart to be romanced, just as He longs to romance us. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Song of Solomon 8:6.

*12. He is humble and can admit when he is wrong.*
There is nothing worse than a petty conflict blowing out of porportion because your partner refuses to admit they were wrong. Taking responsibility for his actions and apologizing for his mistakes is the sign of a real man. “Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18

No person will be perfect and grace is a beautiful thing that makes relationships flourish. That being said, this list for single ladies is to give a basic framework of character traits to look for or recognize whether or not there is _desire for growth_. Of course, use common sense when someone amazing walks in to your life but wasn’t exactly what you dreamed up. God surprises us, but always gives us what we need.

“For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband…” 2 Corinthians 11:2.

Ultimately, your divine Father wants you to be treated in a way that it is compared with how Christ cares for us. It is up to us though to believe we are worthy, set the standard, and have the faith that God works in perfect timing to introduce you to your husband.


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## Lucia

http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2651







*If God Loves Me Why Am I Not Married?*



Darla Wilkinson | 10.17.13
Twitter: @DarlaWilkinson

313

Hindsight really is 20/20. Looking back on my single adult years, I wanted to be a model of grace and patience, trusting God every step of the way. But I wasn't. Not even close!

I married just before turning thirty-three. That's an eternity to some; a drop in the bucket to others. But it was longer than I expected to be on my own. And for large portions of those years angst, sadness, and distrust plagued me.

I felt since God wasn't giving me my greatest desire He didn't notice me, He didn't hear me, He didn't love me. It was a message straight from the father of lies, and I swallowed it hook, line, and sinker.

Sure, on the outside I looked good. I faithfully served my church, even moving 3,500 miles away for vocational ministry. But inside, I wanted more. I wanted someone to cherish me above anyone else. Many nights I cried myself to sleep instead of treasuring my Father's presence.

A big reason I missed out on God's peace and joy during my singleness was because I believed a lie. At the time I couldn't describe it. But deep down I felt since God wasn't giving me my greatest desire He didn't notice me, He didn't hear me, He didn't love me. It was a message straight from the father of lies, and I swallowed it hook, line, and sinker.

*The Truth*
The beautiful truth was that the waiting had everything to do with my heavenly Father's love for me. The apostle Paul in Romans 11:33 says the wisdom, knowledge, and ways of God are unsearchable and inscrutable. In other words, He is so great, and we are so small, we can't fully understand all He is doing.

Yet despite the mystery of God's plans for me, one thing was always certain,

"As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him" (Ps. 103:11).
The eyes of my heart couldn't see that nothing came my way (or didn’t come my way!) without passing through the filter of my Father's love. My desire for intimacy, connection, and security trumped my faith in God's love. But, in reality He did hear my cries, and He was for me! (Ps. 56:8–9)

*God Never Gives Up*
Thankfully, the Lord never stopped pursuing me with this truth. I'd love to say I figured it all out before marriage. Sure, my confidence in God's love grew when He answered my prayer for a husband. But much of this faith developed during trials in marriage. Chronic illness and interrupted plans for children were gifts from the Lord to continue pressing the truth of His grace and love into my heart. Could I believe His Word even when life felt wrong? On my own I couldn't, but over time His gentle, persistent power changed my heart.

God graciously gives you all things that you need in Jesus.

If you are God’s child then this grace is for you, too. You may never know why He is delaying marriage. But, rest assured—even if you never marry—He is not withholding something that would be best for you! He didn't even spare His own Son to save your soul; and He graciously gives you all things that you need in Jesus (Rom. 8:32).

We would love to pray for you. Are you wrestling to believe God's love for you in your singleness?


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## Lucia

http://matthiasmedia.com/briefing/2013/08/satans-lies-about-singleness/


*Satan’s lies about singleness*
Emma Thornett | 19 August, 2013


I’m single. I live in Sydney’s east with my two flatmates and my cat. (The crazy-cat-lady litmus test is that you know you’ve become one and you don’t care_._) I’m in my late thirties. Many of the struggles that surround singleness are my struggles too: tossing up between living on my own (and being lonely and possibly broke) or living with flatmates (and regularly having to find and get used to new ones); turning up to things on my own all the time; feeling the unvoiced wonderings of friends, who think I’m too fussy, or gay, or weird; feeling surprised and disappointed that I’m not married by now, and wondering what’s wrong with me. I tire of all of those things.

However, I remain convinced that God’s word in the Bible is true, and I am determined to cling to it. My life, my struggles, my circumstances have changed over the years, but God has not. Neither has his word.

So this is a plea to my dear Christian sisters who are single but would love to be married: don’t stop trusting God. Endure through your sadness. Don’t let Satan get to you with his subtle lies, which come from all directions. Don’t find yourself believing them without even realizing it.

(A quick note: I’m deliberately addressing this to women who aren’t married but would like to be. What I say will not apply equally to all single people, so please take whatever you find helpful from this article even if it’s not really written for you.)

Here are just some of the lies Satan tells us all the time.

*Lie 1: You’re single because you’re…*
You can finish the sentence yourself—just insert your adjective of choice. For me, it varies from ‘fat’ to ‘ugly’ to ‘horrible’, depending on the day. But I can think of so many friends who are beautiful in the world’s eyes, who are lovely, funny, kind, delightful… and single. _So many_. People of all shapes, sizes and personalities are single, and people of all shapes, sizes and personalities are married. What is attractive to one is not attractive to another. Shape, size, and personality are not why I’m single.

In the Western world at least, more and more people are marrying later in life or not at all. I may be single, but I’m certainly not alone. This isn’t because the human race is producing uglier or more horrible people, but because of a raft of social changes we’ve seen over the past century.

“God is more powerful than our social situations, our looks, our personalities, and our insecurities.”
But God is more powerful than any social force or trend. The fact is that ultimately I’m single because God is in control of everything. He is sovereign. Likewise, those who are married are married because God is sovereign. Those who are widowed are widowed because God is sovereign. God is more powerful than our social situations, our looks, our personalities, and our insecurities. 

*Lie 2: God is not powerful enough to find you a husband*
The older I get, the easier it is to believe this lie (which is closely related to the first). When I was younger, thinner and less cynical, it was easy to imagine that God would send a husband along for me. Who wouldn’t love me? I was amazing back then! But the longer I remain _unchosen_ (and that’s certainly how it feels), the easier it is to think that God’s power can’t reach this part of my life.

But I need to remember that in fact I am not unchosen. _God_ _himself_ has chosen me. And at the risk of stating the obvious, if God can create the universe just by speaking (Genesis 1); if he can cause Pharaoh to let the Israelites go (Exodus 12); if he can raise Jesus Christ from the dead (Luke 24); if he can use the purposes of evil men for his good purposes (Acts 2:22-24); if he can give us new life and change us from people who hate him to people who want to serve him (1 Peter 1); if he can—well, do I need to list every event in the Bible? If God can do all this, then he can find me (and you) a husband, _easily_.

This doesn’t mean “there’s someone just around the corner for you”, or that God _will_ provide you with a husband. It just means that if you are single it’s not because God is too powerless to marry you off to someone.

*Lie 3: You’re single because God does not love you*
Most of us know this can’t really be true. We know that God is love (1 John 4:8). We know he sent his own Son to die on the cross for the sins of sinful people. We know all that.

But have we stopped believing it?

Our world is decaying because of sin, and there is sickness, tragedy and sadness everywhere. We have all kinds of reasons to doubt God’s love for us if the only thing we have to go on is what we can see around us. But we are such finite beings. We see so little. We “do not know the work of God who makes everything” (Eccl 11:5). So we must look to the cross. The facts of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ are the same now as they were when we first believed. If God sent his own Son to die that horrific death in your place so that he can be in relationship with you, and if he did this while you were still a sinner (Rom 5:6-11), then maybe you don’t need to doubt his love for you.

And if you cannot see God’s love on the cross, why do you think you will see it in a man—especially a sinful man?

“What happened on the cross is a much bigger and better demonstration of God’s love than providing a husband.”
What happened on the cross is a much bigger and better demonstration of God’s love than providing a husband. 

*Lie 4: Because no-one has married you, you have no value*
I’ve spoken to a number of single friends who genuinely think they have nothing to offer. They think the fact that no man has chosen them for a wife is a reflection on them, and that it means they can’t possibly have any value. I suppose it is just another expression of that age-old sin of thinking our value comes from how other people see us.

At this point, I’m tempted to talk about how much single people can offer the world around them. I’m tempted to tell you about one of my friends, who thinks she does not matter to anyone yet gives up her time week after week to help out with youth group. Or another friend, who cannot tell me a single positive thing about herself but who is often quite thoughtfully supportive of her friends and family. I’m tempted to talk about all the ways in which we single people can contribute to the lives of those around us. But that would suggest that our value comes from what we do, which is just as bad as thinking that our value comes from what other people think of us!

“Someone marrying you will not make you valuable… You cannot _be_ made valuable, because you already _are _valuable.”
No. Someone marrying you will not make you valuable. Doing things for other people will not make you valuable. You cannot _be_ made valuable, because you already _are _valuable.  You are valuable because God Almighty himself tenderly created you—in his own image, no less! You were valuable the minute God wrote your days in his book (Ps 139:13-16), and nothing that happens to you in this life can change that.

*Lie 5: Getting married will fix all your problems*
This is probably the lie that I wrestle with the most, mentally. I swing wildly from knowing it isn’t true to thinking it is. When I’m looking for a new flatmate, I think that marriage would mean I wouldn’t have to keep finding people to live with. I could just get used to my husband, and that would be it. I could also afford to buy property, so I wouldn’t have to worry about when or if my landlord might ask me to leave.

It is true that marriage is a solution to some problems, some of the time. Marriage can be an answer to loneliness. It might mean I can buy my own home. But this particular lie is one of those clever half-truths, where the truth makes it harder to see the lie.

There is actually no guarantee that marriage will fix loneliness. Some married people are incredibly lonely, trapped in awful marriages with no-one to talk to about it. And getting married is no guarantee that I’ll never have to find someone to live with again, or that I’ll be able to buy property and have more security. My husband might die soon after we’re married; our house might burn down. Those are tragic examples but even if things like that don’t happen, I’m sure the picture I have in my head of what marriage will be like is probably very different from what it would actually be like. Paul doesn’t talk about the “anxieties” and “worldly troubles” of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 without good reason. Jesus’ own disciples clearly recognize the difficulties of marriage. When Jesus tells them that “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery”, they say, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matt 19:9-10)!

I’m not saying marriage is bad—as the apostle Paul would say, by no means! Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, and I’m absolutely delighted when my friends get married. I’d love to get married myself. But we must not fall into the trap of thinking that marriage will fix all our problems. It won’t.

*Lie 6: You’ve got to find The One*
This is the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas. Seriously. Thank you so much, Hollywood, with all your stupid rom-coms, for helping Satan blind us with this lie.

While it is true that God knows whether we will marry and whom we will marry, there is absolutely no way that _we _can know. Unless God himself gives you a name or hands you a photograph, you simply cannot know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether you’ve found the ‘right’ person. All you can do is pray, make a wise decision, trust God, and then be faithful to your marriage promises.

“Don’t look for ‘the one’; instead, look for someone who produces the fruit of the Spirit. Look for someone who loves Jesus.”
I’m not saying you should marry any old person as long as they’re Christian, available and breathing. I’m not saying there’s no place for physical attraction and romance—Song of Songs would contradict me if I were. What I am saying is that in your desire to get married, don’t look for ‘the one’; instead, look for someone who produces the fruit of the Spirit. Look for someone who loves Jesus. Learn from the fact that many in arranged marriages grow to deeply love each other; and don’t expect that you’ll feel wobbly in the knees as soon as you lay eyes on your future husband. Ask God for a husband, but also ask him to change your desires so that you will be open to the advances of a godly man, should they come.

*Lie 7: A single person has no family*
To be honest, at this stage in my life I don’t feel much temptation to believe this lie. By the grace of God, both my parents are still alive and well, together with their respective spouses and a bunch of half- and step-siblings. But sometimes I wonder what it will be like when I’m much older. In my less trusting moments, I am afraid of getting old and lonely and having no-one to look after me. I’m sure many married people share this fear. As the late (and lifelong single) John Chapman pointed out, at least 50% of married people will face singleness again when their spouse dies.

Chappo taught me to change the way I think about family. In a sermon he gave many years ago in his home church, he pointed out that our Christian family supersedes our biological family, just as it did for Jesus (see Matt 12:46-50; 19:27-29).1 Chappo then said, “I am not going to be anybody’s grandfather… but in this family [indicating the congregation] I should expect lots of grandchildren… You and I are bound together in a family that takes precedence against our biological family.”2 Chappo’s expectations were well and truly met—during his last few days in this life, he had so many visitors to his hospital bed that one of the hospital staff commented, “He must have a big family!” What a moving testament to the blessing of being part of God’s family.

As children of God, we are part of a _massive_ family. The challenge for all of us, in our individualistic culture, is to act like it.

*Lie 8: It’s better to marry a non-Christian than stay single for life*
Even though God’s family is huge, we’re all sinful and sometimes we do a terrible job of loving each other. Singleness can be a very painful and lonely experience. Some decide it’s better, in the end, to marry an unbeliever. Perhaps you are toying with this idea yourself at the moment.

Let me tell you, slowly so you hear me: It. Is. Not. Worth. It.

I know many women married to unbelieving men. Some of these women did not become Christian until after they got married. Others were Christian and married a non-Christian. Others have watched their Christian husbands walk away from Jesus. But not one of them would recommend choosing to marry a non-Christian while you still have a choice to make. _Not one._ Not the women who still trust Jesus, anyway. And here’s why.

If you marry a man who doesn’t know and love Jesus, here are your options:


You will eventually walk away from Jesus yourself, as he becomes less and less important and relevant in your life and your husband becomes more important. And when you walk away from Jesus, you will have exchanged heaven for hell.
Or you will keep trusting Jesus, but it will be difficult and lonely in at least some respects. I know a dear Christian lady whose husband no longer professes Christ, although he once did. But he’s happy for her to go to church, and he’s happy for her to give money to church (as long as he can spend the equivalent on whatever he likes!), and he loves her. As far as being married to an unbeliever, it’s about as good as you can get. But every week, she goes to church and Bible study on her own. She can’t share the most important part of her life with the man she loves. And, saddest of all, unless something changes between now and when her husband dies, she cannot look forward to standing with him before the throne of God in heaven for all eternity. He is going to another place.
Or perhaps—_perhaps_—God will have mercy on you and save your husband once you’re married. But when you marry a non-Christian I think you probably make it harder for him to take Jesus seriously. Why would he, when you’re not taking Jesus seriously yourself? Of course, God is more powerful than your bad example, and he could still save your husband. But you have no guarantee that he will, and it’s certainly not something you can demand. Given the previous two options, why take the risk?
My dear sisters, if you are tempted to seek solace with a non-Christian, please don’t. Don’t even flirt with the idea. Don’t get into a situation where you will get emotionally involved and find it hard to think straight. Determine that you won’t give in to this temptation—even, or especially, if you don’t feel the temptation right now—and stick to your guns.

My favourite Jane Eyre quote springs to mind here. The man she loves is trying to persuade her to abandon her moral convictions and live with him, even though he already has a wife. She responds by saying:

“Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation; they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? … Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by; there I plant my foot.”3

*Lie 9: It’s too hard to be single and you can’t keep on going*
During the past couple of years, I’ve had two very sad conversations. One friend told me she isn’t sure how long she can keep going if she remains single. Another friend, when I mentioned this conversation to her, said, “I can relate”. For them, single life is just too hard and too lonely.

To be perfectly frank, part of me wants to just shake them and tell them to look around—there are harder things than being single. Personally, I’d rather stay single for life than go through divorce. Let’s not become blasé to the pain of divorce just because it’s so common. My heart breaks for women whose husbands have died. Some families live daily with incredible heartache and struggle because of illness or disability or poverty or tragedy. I think their struggles would be _much_ harder than mine.

I also want these women to see how much they _do_ have. They have good jobs. They have plenty of clothes, money and food. They are both in the top 2% of earners worldwide. They both have comfortable places to live—one has even managed to buy herself a unit.

But that’s not really the point. We each have our struggles, even if they aren’t as ‘bad’ as someone else’s. The grief of singleness is real and valid, and it comes from a very normal and healthy desire to be married. What we need is God, and the perspective that comes from reading his word.

Do you know how many calls there are in the New Testament to persevere and endure? No, neither do I—but it’s approximately a lot.4 This suggests that following Jesus in this world for a long time is not going to be easy. It may actually get even harder between now and when you meet him face to face. This is why I think there are also so many descriptions in the New Testament of the amazing things God has given us in Christ.5 We need to keep remembering what they are, because we forget so easily, and they are a big part of the motivation to endure anything and everything for the sake of Jesus who died for us. 2 Peter 1:3-12 puts it perfectly:

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have.

“It is not too hard to be single—even for life. You can keep going, because God has given you everything you need.”
It is not too hard to be single—even for life. You can keep going, because God has given you everything you need. Don’t let Satan convince you otherwise. 

*Let us not be victims*
Dear sisters, let’s not be victims of Satan’s attacks. Let us not dare to be dissatisfied with all that the God of the universe has lovingly given us. Let us trust God in all areas of life, including this one. Let’s not be those who say to the God who will judge the living and the dead, “Give me what I want, or we’re through”.

For what they are worth, here are a few suggestions—not rules or commands—to help you endure.


If your convictions feel a little shaky, figure out what it is that you’re not sure about, and go and do something about it. Read a Gospel. Read a book about Jesus’ death and resurrection.6 Work out what you’re not sure about, and talk about it with someone you trust.
If you’ve stopped reading God’s word regularly, find someone to read it with you.
Find someone at church who you can help—maybe there’s someone who could do with a home-cooked meal at the moment. If there are gaping empty lonely holes in your life, fill them up with serving your family. It honestly does help.
Remember that you are not a powerless victim. You have the Holy Spirit. You have a Father God who made the entire universe, and who loves you, and who really does know what is best for you. Put 2 Peter 1:3-12 on your bedroom wall and read it every day.
Find some way to be thankful for what you have. Keep a diary and write down one or two things each day for which you are grateful. Better yet: tell other people about them. You’ll remind yourself, and you’ll encourage others. Win-win!
If you live on your own and you find yourself feeling constantly lonely, consider sharing with one or two others. I know this sounds abhorrent to some, especially if you’re used to living on your own. Living with others is hard, even if you all get on well. You have to compromise and you’re not in control of your environment. But being in a home with other people, even if you’re all in different rooms and not actually conversing, is very different to being in a home on your own. I genuinely don’t get lonely, and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t live on my own.
Let me finish by saying that if you’re single _because_ you’re Christian—that is, you have turned down advances from unbelievers, or you struggle with same-sex attraction but you know that’s not God’s will and so you remain celibate—then let me say _thank you_ and _well done_. You are a godly example and an encouragement, and I praise God for you.



You can find the text of Chappo’s sermon in Michael Orpwood’s book _Chappo: For the Sake of the Gospel_, Eagleswift Press, 1995, pages 187-93. It’s a very encouraging read. ↩
Orpwood, pages 189-90. ↩
Charlotte Brontë, _Jane Eyre_, Third Norton Critical Edition, Norton, New York, 2001, pages 270-1. ↩
E.g. Matt 10:22, 24:13; Luke 21:19; Rom 5:3-4, 15:4-5; 1 Cor 10:13, 13:7; 2 Cor 1:6; Eph 6:18; Col 1:11; 2 Thess 1:4; 2 Tim 2:12, 24; Heb 10:36, 12:1-17; James 1; 1 Pet 2:18-25; Jude 17-21; Rev 1:9, 14:6-13. ↩
E.g. Rom 4:7-8; 1 Cor 6:9-11; 2 Cor 8:9; Gal 3:10-14; Eph 2:1-22; 3:1-6; Titus 3:3-6; 1 Pet 1:3-5, 2:9-10; 2 Pet 1:3-4. ↩
Stan Telchin’s _Betrayed_ is brilliant (and short). He’s a Jewish man who gets so angry when his daughter converts to Christianity that he decides to prove to her that Jesus is not the Messiah. He looks at all the Old Testament prophecies about the Messiah and then looks at how many of them Jesus fulfils… and he becomes a Christian. ↩


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## Lucia

http://powertochange.com/experience/sex-love/findhusband/


*Finding a Husband*
Written by Candice Z. Watters
*





Do you desire marriage but can’t find the right guy? Perhaps you’re looking in the wrong places. Or maybe you’re hard to find yourself.*

In graduate school I lived with three close friends. We shared a 4-bedroom house, groceries and a strong desire to find husbands. Though we didn’t discuss it in mixed company, we  talked about it a lot in the safety of our home. It was probably the subject we talked about most. Sitting in the hallway, eating popcorn in our pajamas, we’d admit that our deepest longing, even more than career success, was to get married. Then we’d bemoan how most of our male classmates were either not marriage material or already taken.

We’d often wonder if, in the midst of our clumsy attempts at love, we weren’t making matters worse by getting our Masters degrees. We knew we were prepared to give it all up — the career, the big salary, the trappings of success — should the right man come along. But the men in our lives didn’t know we felt that way. What if, we worried, we finally met someone and he interpreted our ambition the wrong way?

That’s where Mary Morken came in. The wife of one of our professors, she encouraged us to be honest with ourselves — and our male friends. Hearing it from her made sense: *“Initiate conversations about marriage among your friends* — not as it relates to you and the guy you’re interested in specifically, but generally, the same way you’d have a group discussion about politics or religion.” We didn’t shy away from other tough subjects when we were together; why not bring up something even more important?

Mary’s encouragement really came down to one word: intentionality. *American women are known for high-achievement in every area but the one we say we value the most: relationships.* Sadly, we’re members of a generation which, on the whole, desires marriage, but doesn’t know how to get there or believes there’s no rush to make it happen.

When it comes to committed relationships, we tend to be drifters. I know I was. I spent nearly a year as Steve Watters’ buddy. It took me a long time to finally ask for something more (see Pulling a Ruth). It turns out there are things you can do to move a relationship forward. But you have to know what _not_ to do first.

*Resist the counterfeits*

A few bad habits can sabotage a relationship; yet lots of women seem to miss this. Some hang out with a “buddy,” content with mere friendship, never daring to require him to state his intentions. Others have pre-marital sex and don’t understand why their “partner” has no momentum toward marriage. Most spend all their time with the same group, even after they’ve decided that no one in that group is a possible marriage partner.

These habits are pretty good for preventing weekend loneliness. But the very things singles do to avoid being alone on Saturday night may keep them alone for the rest of their lives.

If you want a mate who respects you, you’ve got to respect yourself. That means setting high standards for your relationships. Are you the gal guys come to for advice about other women? Do you spend all of your time with a guy who’s not your boyfriend? Are you an open book with a man who hasn’t made a commitment? If you’ve answered yes to any of these, you may need better boundaries to protect your time and your heart. *Boundaries help you resist the temptation to spend your prime years and best self on counterfeits.*

On the flip side, approaching the opposite sex in a principled way can only enhance your relationships. Develop high character: treat men with kindness; be honest; don’t lie, gossip or manipulate; be trustworthy. Any guy worth marrying will notice.

*Retain sexual power*

It’s an old cliché but no less true today than when it was coined: men don’t buy a cow when they’re getting the milk for free. *If you’re having sex outside of marriage, you’re diminishing your sexual power and your ability to find a good match.*Instead of enhancing your relationship, sex will dictate it, setting the agenda and biasing all of your decisions.

Unmet sexual longing is a powerful motivator for men and women alike. Many of our parents, and especially grandparents, had short courtships thanks to this natural force. Men who are getting their sexual needs met casually have fewer reasons to sign up for all the responsibilities of marriage.

Sex should flow from a godly relationship. It was designed to sweeten a life of commitment. When couples partake of it prematurely, it tends to sicken, much like eating dessert before you’ve had dinner. Many Christians who’ve had premarital sex eventually marry; but this does little to alleviate their consciences and often results in disaster.

*Reassess your options*

A lot of women have good friends who are men. They describe them by saying, “Oh, we’re just friends; we’ve never thought of dating; we’re not romantic.” Too often we overlook men in the “just friends” category because we’re not “attracted” to them. (My roommates and I were guilty of this.) *Instead of asking who you’re attracted to, start asking “Of my friends, who would be a godly husband, strong partner and good father?”* Looking at men this way, you might be surprised whom you’re attracted to.

Parents used to choose their daughters’ husbands for them. You can be sure the last quality they considered was physical appearance. They knew externals played a minor role — if any — in creating a healthy family.

I’m not suggesting a return to those days — they had problems of their own — but we can borrow a principle from them: *if a woman is paired with an upstanding man, love will have a chance to grow.* We should look for men of outstanding integrity and pray for God to make the soil fertile for love to grow.

*Check your expectations*

The annual _State of Our Unions_ report for 2002 detailed a trend among single men who date for recreation with one eye open for someone else. They have sex with their girlfriends but admit they’ll never marry these girls because they’re not “soul mates.”

Most people want a mate who knows them at their deepest points and loves them fully. *But the problem with the soul mate expectation is that you risk setting yourself up for failure.* When asked to describe their soul mate, many singles imagine a person who “completes them,” and vice versa. They assume their soul mate will love them exactly as they are and never ask them to change. But what happens when those two soul mates encounter the turbulence of marriage? These expectations cause them to doubt that they’ve found their “soul mate” after all.

Human relationships will always be flawed because we’re fallen creatures. To expect otherwise is a setup for divorce.

*Despite fantasies of marriage as an endless date, a lifelong partnership is actually about thriving in the day-to-day stuff of life:* raising the kids, paying the bills, cleaning the house, etc. A lasting marriage requires commitment, no matter what. You have to go into it expecting highs _and_ lows. Though a good marriage can make the lows a lot more bearable.

*Ask the people you know for help*

Until recently, marriage enjoyed culture-wide support. It was, for most people, a primary purpose of life. Friends and relatives were willing partners in helping singles meet the eligible bachelors in their lives. That’s why it was beneficial to know people of different ages. If we only spend time with peers in the same season of life, the competition for available men will likely be fierce. But* if our friends span the generations, it’s probable they will know or be related to eligible men.* And if these friends are believers in marriage — and they know you desire to get married — they can be helpful allies.

Changing your way of relating to men may seem unnatural at first — and for some, not worth the effort. But if your goal is marriage, it makes sense to do what’s in your power to achieve it. Don’t misunderstand: you can’t _force_ it. There’s no formula for making two people fall in love and commit their lives to one another. Besides, for singles who’ve committed their life to Christ, the timing is ultimately up to Him. But you still have a part to play. And if you’re doing things that lead you away from the altar, why not purposefully change direction?

Copyright © 2003 Candice Z. Watters. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.


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## Lucia

http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/question-i-cant-find-a-husband-should-i-just-give-up/



*Question: I Can’t Find a Husband… Should I Just Give Up?*
In Marriage, Personal Opinion & Commentary / 57 comments




*A reader asks:*

_I’ve been an occasional reader of your Serious Faith blog for a while and I feel like I always have questions, but I’ve been hesitant to ask because I’m not sure I’ll like the answer.  I’m at the end of my rope on this one, however, and I’d appreciate any insight you have._

_I’m 26 and single.  I hate being single.  I want the companionship and support that comes with being in a relationship.  I want someone to love and spend time with and dote on.  I feel that God must have given me this desire, as it is so strong and I’ve always felt this way.  I’ve prayed every night for about a year for God to bring me a wonderful man.  Now I feel like pounding my fists on the ground and asking “Why, God, why, do you give me this desire and not fulfill it?”_

_I just don’t know what to do.  Do I give up?  I feel like I should stop asking God because it will hurt less if I don’t ask for it and don’t get it, than if I ask for it and don’t get it. How come everyone else can find a husband and get married but I’m stuck out in the cold by myself? My friends say I should lower my standards but I say that’s not a good solution._

*My answer:*

First, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married. In fact, it is the most natural choice we have (as compared to entire life of being single). So yes, God gave you this desire. It is completely within His known will for our existence as revealed in the Bible.

God honors our _prayers_ and you can be sure that He hears your prayers for a husband with the assumption you are not engaged in, and ignoring, some obvious sin in your life. This can keep God from hearing and answering. There are actually several conditions for having our prayers heard. Many people have never considered the plain Bible _teaching_ on this before. For more on that, go here.

Don’t pound your fists on the ground. You already know the answer to your own questions.

You know the desire for marriage is a wholesome desire. You know that God has not fulfilled that desire yet, so what does that tell you? We know that God is perfect, loves us and has our best intentions at heart? So if that prayer has not been answered, you know by default that it is not “time” yet for some reason.

The “reason” is the part you have to work out:


Does something in your life need to change first?
Is there something that still needs to be done or finished?
Is there something going on in your life that God knows would frustrate or ruin a marriage?
Is there some attitude, expectation, sin or motivation that needs to be worked out or corrected first?
On a practical level:


Are you looking for a husband in the kinds of places or groups where a good and godly husband can be found?
Do you have some UNREALISTIC standards or requirements for a man?
Has God put someone in front of you that you are not seeing because some selfish focus has you looking past or through them?
Don’t give up any standards you have that are high GODLY standards. If your standards are superficial or worldly, then you need to pray and ask God to show you what to change or get rid of.

You should never give up asking God for something until you know full well he has answered and it is time to stop.  Do you really think NOT ASKING is going to get your prayer answered?

Remember, God is in control and all things happen according to his will and in light of his love for us. So if marriage has not happened for you yet, then God has a reason. You know its not God’s time yet for the simple fact that it has not occurred.  Discover that reason. You can. God promises _wisdom_ if you ask for it. (James 1.5)  Have you asked?  Ask God: “Gracious God, you know my desire is to be married which I know is a pleasing thing to you. I’m not sure why you haven’t answered my prayer for a husband, but I know there is a reason. Please reveal that reason to me. Give me wisdom to understand it, and courage to face it. I’m ready to change anything that needs to be changed, including my patience….”

Speaking of asking, what are your questions for me concerning relationships, marriage or life?


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## Lucia

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/sin...d-i-marry-without-romance-and-attraction.html


*Should I Marry Without Romance and Attraction?*

Kris Swiatocho, Cliff Young
201311 Jul





_*EDITOR'S NOTE*: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to *[email protected]* (selected questions will be posted anonymously)._

*QUESTION*: After my share of bad relationships, I re-dedicated my life to the Lord and I am dating, essentially, the "perfect man." He wants to marry me, he is a believer, and he fits every quality I want in a husband. However, I feel empty inside. He is not physically my type, he looks and dresses in the opposite way from what I find attractive, I don't find him handsome, and can't feel attraction for him the way I have felt in previous relationships. My friends say I'm crazy for doubting our relationship. I know that "romance" and "physical attraction" are not in the dictionary of God's word, but I get scared and panic sometimes when I think about marrying without any attraction or romance. What keeps me going is God's promise that my marriage will be favored and blessed and "every other thing will be added." But that doesn't close up the hollow feeling or give me peace. Please advise.

*HE SAID:*

We’ve been groomed by society to look for the “Perfect Man” or the “Perfect Woman.” Reality shows portray groups of contestants vying for the heart of _one _person believing _they are the “perfect person.”  _

However, what I have found far more important is to seek the perfect person _for me _and being the perfect person for someone (not everyone).  

I do believe there is a person who God made _for you,_ someone who will complement who _you are_, and someone _you will be attracted to._

“Romance” and “physical attraction” may not be in "the dictionary of God’s Word," however, the book Song of Solomon is. If you’ve never studied it, you may want to before you further your relationship.

_How handsome you are, my lover!_ (Song of Solomon 1:16)

_My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag_ (Song of Solomon 2:9).

_My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is like gold, pure gold; his locks are like clusters of dates and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, and reposed in their setting. His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, banks of sweet-scented herbs; his lips are lilies dripping with liquid myrrh. His hands are rods of gold Set with beryl; his abdomen is carved ivory Inlaid with sapphires. His legs are pillars of alabaster Set on pedestals of pure gold; his appearance is like Lebanon choice as the cedars. His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem_ (Song of Solomon 5:10-16).

These are not the words from someone who felt _no romance or physical attraction_, but these are the words of God from a woman who was seriously enamored by her beau.

As a male (with a slight ego), I don’t want my significant other to settle for or gag at the sight of me; then again I’m not trying to be on _People _Magazine’s Most Beautiful List either. My wish is for the “right one for me” to feel some of the emotion the woman in Song of Solomon had for her man and me for her.

I can’t imagine your boyfriend wouldn’t want the same.  

What may be “perfect” for your friends may not be for you.

*SHE SAID:*

While I am thrilled you found someone who is wonderful and perfect in many ways, a very critical part of your relationship has to be an attraction to him physically. To paraphrase a wonderful author and friend, Dick Purnell: There are 5 parts of a healthy relationship: *Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, Social *and *Physical,* based on his book _Finding a Lasting Love._ Now, it is true in all relationships there may be weaker areas than others. You may have a few things in common, but as you date you find you have more. You may have even gone to separate churches but eventually started attending the same church together.

I once was friends with a guy for 3 years. We did all kinds of things together but never dated. Then one day I was like, _whoohoo is he cute. Lord, where did that come from?_ So I shared my feelings with him, we have a few dates but quickly realized we lacked other key areas to maintain a relationship.

So with that, what do you do? Well, as much as I feel God can change your attraction to your boyfriend to be what you want it to be, I don't think God operates that way when you’re IN the relationship. I do think over time, especially as you lean towards marriage and after marriage, your physical attraction will grow because your love grows. However, it can't grow if there is no seed to begin with. So my advice is to tell him what you are feeling. He deserves to know. If you were to get married you would be lying to him, feeling forced to have kiss him, be romantic, and make love. No one deserves that, or deserves to be deceived about it. Recognizing the great husband-material qualities about your current boyfriend should reassure you that waiting for the right "one" is indeed worth waiting for.

Oh, and do know the Bible is full of scripture regarding love and romance. Believe me, God invented it. Check out the Song of Solomon.

_May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love_ (Proverbs 5:18-19).

_*HE is … *Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends._

_*SHE is …* Kris Swiatocho, the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. Kris has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is also the author of three books._

_*DISCLAIMER*: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately._

_*GOT A QUESTION?* If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to *[email protected]* (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the He Said-She Said archives._


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## Lucia

http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/august/how-to-avoid-marrying-wrong-christian.html

How to avoid marrying the wrong Christian 


What do you do if you're engaged but have serious misgivings about your decision, red flags popping up left and right? Do you a) get married, since you've set a date, sent out the invitations, spent a boatload of money, are too embarrassed to back out, and believe that most people get cold feet anyway? Or b) call the whole thing off until further notice? I think most of us would choose the latter, and would recommend thus to any friend or family member having serious doubts. But in practice, it isn't what we many of us do, and understandably so: Calling the whole thing off is difficult, painful, and risky.

Jennifer Gauvain, a licensed social worker and coauthor of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy, recently reported in the Huffington Post's "Divorce" section that 30 percent of the nearly 1,000 divorced women she surveyed admitted to marrying despite serious doubts they had about their relationships long before the wedding day. According to reporter Katherine Bindley, the website IndieBride.com now hosts 33,000 conversation threads just about the urge to bolt.

I did.

I broke off an engagement to a really nice Christian guy. When it came down to it, we were incompatible on many levels. I had doubts at the inception of the relationship, but ignored them. Continuing the relationship was my way of trying to force a puzzle piece into a place it didn't fit. As the doubts grew, I tried harder to make the relationship work. However, if I hadn't heeded my gut-wrenching doubts, and paid attention to my mom and _abuelita_'s words, ("he's a nice guy, but not the one for you") and the words of a friend I deeply respected, I would've made the worst mistake of my life. Even so, breaking the engagement and ending the relationship was far from easy.

For a while I balked because I didn't want to hurt the guy and was worried what others would think of me should I call it off. But in the end, I preferred the pain of breaking up with him and potential lifelong singleness over the pain of being married to him. If I had married him, I would've wilted. And now I know I would have forfeited marrying my priceless treasure of a husband, the one person I most love, admire, and respect.

Unfortunately, there are many Christian women (and men) who ignore their gnawing suspicions. They forge ahead into marriages they didn't belong in. Why?

Gauvain lists four overarching reasons cited by the women in her survey: 1) "Age: The self-imposed biological clock is starting to tick a little louder." 2) "Marriage will instantly make the relationship better." 3) "It's my last chance to get married and no one else will come along"; and, 4) "If it doesn't work out I can always get a divorce." I'd add a fifth and sixth reason that are specific to Christian men and women: 5) to legitimize sex, and 6) because of guilt associated with premarital sex or over having conceived a child out-of-wedlock.


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## Lucia

Dear Wendy
Not sexually attracted 


_I have been seeing a guy for seven months now. He is a nice guy — probably the nicest guy I ever dated — very caring, respectful and treats me like a lady (brings me flowers unexpectedly, watches horror movies even though he doesn’t like them). Before him, I dated guys who were unavailable or just with me for all the wrong reasons. I started dating him four months a break-up with a guy I was madly in love with and I still think of him.



My problem is that I am not sexually attracted to this nicest guy in the world and I feel super guilty about it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I feel like a horrible and shallow person by saying this but I am not attracted to his body type. We haven’t had sex, and we rarely kiss when he tries to make out with me (I usually have to force myself when we do). He has asked me on several occasions if I am not attracted to him and I have always lied and said that I am and that I am not ready to have sex, but the truth is I am not ready to have sex with him.

Recently he has introduced me to his family and has even mentioned the “love” and “marriage” words, and now I am confused and afraid that I am far to into it to just tell him that I am not into him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings as I believe in Karma and think that it will come back to bite me. I want to be sexually attracted to him because I think he will be a good provider and is definitely marriage material but I don’t know how to get myself there. I have read self-help books to try and seek the answer to this question but with no help. I can’t have a conversation with my girlfriends because I am afraid they will judge me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to end up alone or realize that he was the best thing in my life after he is gone. Please help. *— Not Sexually Attracted

Read responses in link

http://dearwendy.com/your-turn-im-not-sexually-attracted-to-him/
*_


----------



## Lucia

http://www.jackiefrancois.com/blog/the-devil-wants-you-to-settle-in-your-relationship/


*JACKIE FRANCOIS*
SINGER/SONGWRITER, WORSHIP LEADER, SPEAKER
*THE DEVIL WANTS YOU TO SETTLE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP*


Besides choosing to give Christ my entire heart and life at 18 (after falling in love with Him in the Eucharist), the best decision I ever made was to wait 28 years for the man of my dreams. There were so many times I could’ve settled for a nice Catholic guy who treated me well and bored me to tears. I knew I never wanted to tell my children, “Well, your dad loved me and seemed nice enough, so I married him.” Ugh. Gag me with a spork. Heck no. I knew I wanted to tell my children, “I waited patiently for a man I was passionately in love with, who led me to holiness, who was my best friend, and who I couldn’t wait to be married to!” Sure enough, when Bobby Angel came along, I knew I found that man.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of confused and conflicted young adults out there who seem tempted to settle for a spouse. There are a lot of people who date because it’s nice to have a warm body gazing back at you. Listen carefully to me: there are tons of holy, attractive, fun people out there. (I know, because I’m trying to play matchmaker and set them all up with each other). Seriously, though, you are only called to marry one of them. You are not called to be a polygamist (thank God!). Just because you date an attractive, holy Catholic doesn’t mean he/she is the “one.” In the past, every time I met a single Catholic guy, my head would always say, “Is this the one? Is this the one?” I was like a hamster on crack (like most single Catholic young adults who see every other single Catholic young adult as a target for romance). I kept rationalizing my good Catholic guy dates, saying, “Well, he doesn’t make me laugh, but I could deal with that,” or “I’m not really attracted to him, but I don’t want to be vain so I could deal with that” or “We really don’t have great conversations, but I could be a like a cloistered wife vowed to silence for the rest of my life, right?”

When I met Bobby, though, everything clicked. I didn’t have to rationalize anything. In fact, both of us are still in shock that two human beings could fit so perfectly (even in our faults) with each other. I’m sure God watches us stumble through relationships, laughing and thinking, “Oh you of little faith. Why do you not trust me?” Sure enough, when we settle, it’s because we don’t trust God enough. We don’t trust that God is a bigger romantic than we are, that God is the most passionate being there is (in fact, who endured the passion out of love for us), and who wants the absolute best for our lives. When we don’t trust God, we commit the original sin of Adam and Eve all over again: we grasp at the gift of “knowledge” rather than wait for God to give us the gift He’s had for us all along (see CCC 396-397). In Fill These Hearts, Christopher West writes, “That’s pride at its root: we don’t trust in God’s designs, so we choose to follow our own” (p. 112). Remember: God is the one who has amazing plans for us, “plans for our welfare not for woe, plans for a future full of hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). It’s the stupid devil who wants us to grasp at relationships and who tempts us to settle for what’s just “okay.”

To me, some of the most courageous men and women are those who break off their relationships out of love for the other. They realize that the other person deserves someone better than them, that they are wasting the other’s time from finding their true vocation (whether be it to another person in marriage or maybe even a vocation to celibacy as a priest, nun, sister, brother, consecrated, or single person), or that they would be settling for a life of eye-rolling and frustration. This is extremely difficult. Bobby and I can speak from experience—he broke off an engagement and I broke up with a man who was a month from proposing. In the end, we were both extremely glad that the Holy Spirit convicted us and helped us have courage (a word that literally means, “to act from the heart”) to do what was best for all.

When I was single, I told myself, “I would rather be joyful and single than miserable with someone.” Why? Because I know that God wants us to be radiant witnesses of his love to the world. When I was single, I was totally free to do this because I had peace and joy founded in Christ who completely satisfied me. When I was in previous relationships, however, I was filled with anxiety, wondering if the guy didn’t get my sense of humor, didn’t like my craziness, didn’t like my love for Daily Mass, the Rosary or Adoration. I changed myself for the guys and didn’t like who I was with them. I knew that the man I was called to marry would not make me feel imprisoned or trapped, but would give me freedom to be my authentic self, freedom to be a radiant witness for the Lord together, and freedom to love God, my neighbor, and myself more authentically.

Freedom is huge in a relationship. No, not the philosophy of freedom given by Wiz Kalifa and Snoop Dogg; their “freedom” allows them to get drunk, smoke weed, and be a player for them hoes. No. Authentic freedom enables us to do what is right. Freedom in a relationship has the signs of peace and joy. A lack of freedom in a relationship gives you that anxiety in your belly, that “icky” feeling, that unrest.

So, my question to you (if you are in a relationship with someone to whom you are not married) is this: Does your relationship help you to be freer or less free? Is your relationship life-giving or life-sucking?

Here are some questions that you should ask yourself.

Some questions are bigger “no-brainers” than others. We’ll start with the “no-brainer” red flags at the top and go to more subtle signs you aren’t free in a relationship to be the man or woman of God you were created to be.

If you say “yes” to any of these questions, you should get out of that relationship:

Does your significant other abuse you physically, emotionally, verbally, or sexually?

Do they pressure you to sin or make fun of you for not sinning? (Calling you a “prude” because you won’t do sexual things with them, making you feel guilty for not getting drinking/getting drunk, pressuring you to see a smutty movie or watch pornography, or pressuring you to live with them, etc.)

Do you feel like you are being used as an object for their pleasure?

Are you afraid of bringing up tough issues, annoyances, or frustrations, for fear they might get defensive, lash out at you, or shut down?

Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells with what you say or do for fear they might break up with you (again)?

Are you afraid to show your weaknesses, because they expect you to be perfect?

Do you have that constant pit of anxiety in your belly either when you are with them or apart from them? Do you feel that anxiety when you think of marrying them?

Are you staying with them out of lust, out of fear of being alone, out of security, or out of fear of never finding anyone else who will be with you?

Are you confused about the relationship constantly? Do you go back and forth about whether or not this is “the one?”

Do you feel relieved when they are gone?

If you say “no” to any of these questions, you should re-think your relationship:

Are you free to be your true self (who you are with your best girl friends or guy friends)?

Do you feel loved in who you are, even in your weaknesses?

Do you feel challenged to be a better, holier person?

Are you free to be child-like, to laugh, to have joy with your significant other?

Do you feel challenged spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically?

Is your relationship healing? Is their love helping you to deal with issues of the past without them being a “savior” to you (rather, they point you to “the Savior” for healing)?

Are you willing to spend 24 hours 7 days a week with them for the rest of your life?

Are they your best friend with whom you have romance?

Bobby and I will be praying for all those who read this blog, that you may truly do God’s good, pleasing, and perfect will (Romans 12:1-2)

-Jackie


----------



## Lucia

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/marriage/i-married-a-man-im-not-attracted-to-now-what/


*I Married A Man I’m Not Attracted To. Now What?*





_Hi Evan, I am stuck in a very tricky situation, which came in my life because of my wrong choices. I married a man to whom I am not physically attracted. I don’t like some of his facial features. For me somehow, a certain type of face seems attractive and a certain type does not. When I first started dating him, I just didn’t notice it and I liked him for being a nice guy. 2 months into our dating I realized I am just not attracted to him. 8 months after still dating him, I married him because of what my and his family members would think if I said no. My family likes him very much. As for me, he has a great body and is a genuinely nice person but because of my lack of physical attraction, I am just not in love with him. I did not marry him because of family pressure. There was none. I married him (knowing I wasn’t attracted to him) because I thought that over a period of time, I would start liking him. 3 months into our marriage and now he complains that I am not physically or emotionally close to him. I know I should have had a voice before, but what to do now? We have fights every other day over this issue and just nothing comes out of it. He is frustrated over the lack of intimacy. I am just not courageous enough to leave him and I could not say to him that I don’t love him. Can I change my mindset? Please tell me what you suggest. –Maya_

Aw, Jesus, Maya.

You say so many things in your question that are easy to dissect that I don’t even know where to begin.

First of all, I’m really sorry you’re in this predicament. I’m not going to make light of the fact that you and your husband are unhappy, which is tragic. I will, however, wonder what exactly is making you tick.

“I just didn’t notice” his FACE?

I’m not even sure how this is possible, but I acknowledge that sometimes one can get into a relationship where passion is lacking. It’s more that your excuse seems to ring a little hollow.

You can prefer tall men and be open to shorter men. You can prefer dark hair and marry light hair. You can prefer small noses and fall for a man with a big nose.

“A certain type of face seems attractive”?

I get that not everyone on earth is equally good looking, but I very much want to caution you to being too attached to a “type”. You can prefer tall men and be open to shorter men. You can prefer dark hair and marry light hair. You can prefer small noses and fall for a man with a big nose.

Unless, of course, you decide that you can’t. Which would be a shame, because there’s a lot more to most people than a face.

Still, unless you were actively turned OFF by his face, I’m not sure how you got this far along in your relationship. Then again…

“2 months into our dating, I realized I am just not attracted to him.”

So you married him after 8 months to make your family happy.

Got it.

My official diagnosis, Maya, is that you’re not a bad person for dating a man with whom your attraction is questionable. People do it all the time. Some find their attraction grows when they start to love the person. Some discover that the spark isn’t enough to continue.

Your ridiculously massive mistake was MARRYING this man, even though you knew how you felt. That’s not his fault (although he was pretty foolish to propose to someone after 8 months) and it’s not your parents’ fault for loving him.

This is your fault, Maya, and only you can make it right.

Stop claiming that you’re not courageous enough to leave him. That’s a convenient excuse that you’re trotting out to avoid looking bad in front of your husband and family.

It’s not my place to tell you to make things work with this nice guy who loves you. Attraction is a very personal thing.

But since you asked me for advice, I’ll give it to you straight.

Stop claiming that you’re not courageous enough to leave him. That’s a convenient excuse that you’re trotting out to avoid looking bad in front of your husband and family.

It’s too late. You already look bad. You married a man who wants affection, you won’t give it to him, and he’s upset. Staying with him is not going to make things better.

Woman up, tell him the truth, and rip off the band aid.

And for god sakes, Maya, don’t repeat any of these mistakes with the next guy, okay?


----------



## Maracujá

Random musings on singleness:
- I don't know what you other single ladies' living arrangements are, but I live by myself. Lately I've been debating about whether I should remain living alone or look for a roommate. Anyhoo, my current work situation doesn't permit me to do this, but we'll see in the future.
- How will you ladies be celebrating the holidays? Any plans yet? For me it will probably be at my mom's place or in Holland at my eldest sister's home, I'll have to check with my sisters.
- This year I finished reading the Bible after two years (Hallelujah!) so for next year I hope the yearly devotional I usually buy will be available as it wasn't this year for some reason. It's called 'Le Pain Du Jour' (The Daily Bread) and I liked it so much because it's written by the African Diaspora, literally people located in Africa and the Caribbean islands. I've also purchased three notebooks, 0.89eur/each at a discount store, I'll be using them to take notes in church in addition to recording the sermons. Hope to one day pass it all on to my future children or just younger people in my family #legacybuildingtoolhaha. Here's a pic:


- also ladies: what are y'alls spiritual plans for next year? Any retreats planned? Collective or individual? Share the wealth  Have a nice hump day!


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> Random musings on singleness:
> - I don't know what you other single ladies' living arrangements are, but I live by myself. Lately I've been debating about whether I should remain living alone or look for a roommate. Anyhoo, my current work situation doesn't permit me to do this, but we'll see in the future.
> - How will you ladies be celebrating the holidays? Any plans yet? For me it will probably be at my mom's place or in Holland at my eldest sister's home, I'll have to check with my sisters.
> - This year I finished reading the Bible after two years (Hallelujah!) so for next year I hope the yearly devotional I usually buy will be available as it wasn't this year for some reason. It's called 'Le Pain Du Jour' (The Daily Bread) and I liked it so much because it's written by the African Diaspora, literally people located in Africa and the Caribbean islands. I've also purchased three notebooks, 0.89eur/each at a discount store, I'll be using them to take notes in church in addition to recording the sermons. Hope to one day pass it all on to my future children or just younger people in my family #legacybuildingtoolhaha. Here's a pic:
> View attachment 339263
> 
> - also ladies: what are y'alls spiritual plans for next year? Any retreats planned? Collective or individual? Share the wealth  Have a nice hump day!



@Maracujá

Be careful what kind of roommate you choose you know what I mean make sure they're down with your program.

That sounds like a good book to have can you link to it? TIA
I still live with family it's good because I have support sometimes people see it as a minus but I pull my own weight and help out it's not like I'm on the couch with no job on PlayStation all day long gaming. 
Usually for the holidays the family tries to all get together so it actually helps with the being single thing and sometimes one person might ask something but they're pretty good about not asking me all the time about why I'm still single.
I've made a prayer journal to give to my hubby as a gift like in the post praying for you future husband pray to be a good future wife that post is a couple pages back.
Also this week I'm making a bible study binder to go along with the reading schedule it's read the Bible and CCC in a year.
I found online and including a page with prayer requests (you SLR ladies are in there collectively) and people who I know NEED prayer even when they don't ask.
I've banned myself off social media FB TWTR etc
I only go to info, news blogs online shopping and here.
For next year learn grow in God Jesus and the HS and be expectant that my hubby is on his way or already here. 
I have a lot of other things I will be doing next year lots of changes so I will pray on that as well.

These links 
http://alovelycalling.com/prayers-for-becoming-a-future-wife/

http://alovelycalling.com/prayers-for-my-future-husband/


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## mz.rae

So.... It's coming up on year that I have been with this guy. I don't remember our exact anniversary date (a first for me). I'm still a little iffy on him believe it or not. Like I enjoy that he is into church, a very big praying person, he is one of the deacons of our church, he does pray for and with me, and also uplifts me. But..... I am not sure he is older than me and is lacking in some areas financially speaking and I am trying to figure out what he is doing about that, he works but it's a job that doesn't pay much. He keeps talking about going back to school but I don't see him putting forth any effort to do so. And then I am a little in my feelings because my birthday was a few weeks ago, and when he got off of work instead of spending some time with me, he went to Bible study and I was just like ok.... I get it but then again I don't get it. And feeling like he doesn't have my back or I will always be put on the back burner for something else is why I haven't given 100% and am reserved still. Ladies I really don't know....


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## blessedandfavoured

mz.rae said:


> So.... It's coming up on year that I have been with this guy. I don't remember our exact anniversary date (a first for me). *I'm still a little iffy on him believe it or not. Like I enjoy that he is into church, a very big praying person, he is one of the deacons of our church, he does pray for and with me, and also uplifts me. *But..... I am not sure he is older than me and is lacking in some areas financially speaking and I am trying to figure out what he is doing about that, he works but it's a job that doesn't pay much. He keeps talking about going back to school but I don't see him putting forth any effort to do so.* And then I am a little in my feelings because my birthday was a few weeks ago, and when he got off of work instead of spending some time with me, he went to Bible study and I was just like ok.... I get it but then again I don't get it. And feeling like he doesn't have my back or I will always be put on the back burner for something else is why I haven't given 100% and am reserved still*. Ladies I really don't know....



Hello lady,

Happy belated birthday!  I hope you had a nice day, whatever you did.  It seems to me like you've always had doubts about this guy.  I think you should seriously pray and (maybe) fast about this, because truly, only God knows what His will for you is and He will guide you.  The Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth, so don't be afraid to ask Him to do so.  He's eager to do so!

It's great that this dude is into church and prayer - does He love Jesus?  Assuming he's saved (I'm not throwing shade, only God sees the heart - there are folks who are pastors and living homosexual li(v)es ) that doesn't necessarily mean that God wants YOU to marry him.  He may be saved, but he may not be your husband.  Don't be afraid to break off the relationship if God makes it clear to you that this man is not His choice.  

I know the world treats women (especially black women) like they are some sort of product with a shelf life on them, but God thinks more of you than that, and He wouldn't want you to marry just any one, even if he's the holiest dude on the block.   Just as He took time to create you, He took time to create your husband, and if your doubts are God-given, heed them and walk away lovingly.

I pray that God gives you guidance.  As for your birthday, I think it's a little odd that he hadn't made plans with you way in advance instead of, or even including, the Bible study.  Maybe you should talk to him about that.  If this guy wants to marry you (does he?  have you talked about it?), he's supposed to love you as Christ loved the church.  He should be practicing that now, _in my opinion_.  Anyway, I pray God shows you the way.  

God bless you.


----------



## mz.rae

blessedandfavoured said:


> Hello lady,
> 
> Happy belated birthday!  I hope you had a nice day, whatever you did.  It seems to me like you've always had doubts about this guy.  I think you should seriously pray and (maybe) fast about this, because truly, only God knows what His will for you is and He will guide you.  The Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth, so don't be afraid to ask Him to do so.  He's eager to do so!
> 
> It's great that this dude is into church and prayer - does He love Jesus?  Assuming he's saved (I'm not throwing shade, only God sees the heart - there are folks who are pastors and living homosexual li(v)es ) that doesn't necessarily mean that God wants YOU to marry him.  He may be saved, but he may not be your husband.  Don't be afraid to break off the relationship if God makes it clear to you that this man is not His choice.
> 
> I know the world treats women (especially black women) like they are some sort of product with a shelf life on them, but God thinks more of you than that, and He wouldn't want you to marry just any one, even if he's the holiest dude on the block.   Just as He took time to create you, He took time to create your husband, and if your doubts are God-given, heed them and walk away lovingly.
> 
> I pray that God gives you guidance.  As for your birthday, I think it's a little odd that he hadn't made plans with you way in advance instead of, or even including, the Bible study.  Maybe you should talk to him about that.  If this guy wants to marry you (does he?  have you talked about it?), he's supposed to love you as Christ loved the church.  He should be practicing that now, _in my opinion_.  Anyway, I pray God shows you the way.
> 
> God bless you.


Thank you so much for your response! And yes we have talked about marriage, but lingering in the back of my head is do I want to marry someone like this? And I remember during the conversation he made a statement about how he isn't the type to take initiative as far as going places. Which that kind of bothered me to, like I understand some people aren't as dominant as others. But I feel in a relationship both people should be taking the initiative not the one person having to plan everything, and it really looks bad for a man to be saying that. I am definitely going to pray about it, it is kind of funny we're having this conversation because I recieved this text from Hart Ramsey:


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/question-i-cant-find-a-husband-should-i-just-give-up/
> 
> You know the desire for marriage is a wholesome desire. You know that God has not fulfilled that desire yet, so what does that tell you? We know that God is perfect, loves us and has our best intentions at heart? So if that prayer has not been answered, you know by default that it is not “time” yet for some reason.
> 
> The “reason” is the part you have to work out:
> 
> 
> Does something in your life need to change first?
> Is there something that still needs to be done or finished?
> Is there something going on in your life that God knows would frustrate or ruin a marriage?
> Is there some attitude, expectation, sin or motivation that needs to be worked out or corrected first?
> On a practical level:
> 
> 
> Are you looking for a husband in the kinds of places or groups where a good and godly husband can be found?
> Do you have some UNREALISTIC standards or requirements for a man?
> Has God put someone in front of you that you are not seeing because some selfish focus has you looking past or through them?
> Don’t give up any standards you have that are high GODLY standards. If your standards are superficial or worldly, then you need to pray and ask God to show you what to change or get rid of.
> 
> You should never give up asking God for something until you know full well he has answered and it is time to stop.  Do you really think NOT ASKING is going to get your prayer answered?
> 
> Remember, God is in control and all things happen according to his will and in light of his love for us. So if marriage has not happened for you yet, then God has a reason. You know its not God’s time yet for the simple fact that it has not occurred.  Discover that reason. You can. God promises _wisdom_ if you ask for it. (James 1.5)  Have you asked?  Ask God: “Gracious God, you know my desire is to be married which I know is a pleasing thing to you. I’m not sure why you haven’t answered my prayer for a husband, but I know there is a reason. Please reveal that reason to me. Give me wisdom to understand it, and courage to face it. I’m ready to change anything that needs to be changed, including my patience….”
> 
> Speaking of asking, what are your questions for me concerning relationships, marriage or life?



This was a really good article.  I think the questions are something for me to journal about and talk about with God.


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## whosthatgurl

*random post ensues* So. I've been "in my feels" this week as the fair rolls into town, and cuffing season is nigh. And I'm still single. It's tough out here. I, well church member put a bug in someone's ear that I'm interested, haven't heard from the guy yet smh. 

Was supposed to meet someone this week. But I realized immediately why I wasn't attracted anymore. 

I just recently found this story online about a girl who presented her dad with a certificate to prove that she's a virgin at her wedding and here I am thinking I wish I would have waited, maybe I would be married. I'm always convinced that my not so desirable past of looking for love is hendering me. 

Idk.  

Y'all excuse me. Had to get it out somewhere.


----------



## Divine.

whosthatgurl said:


> I just recently found this story online about a girl who presented her dad with a certificate to prove that she's a virgin at her wedding and here I am thinking I wish I would have waited, maybe I would be married. I'm always convinced that my not so desirable past of looking for love is hendering me.



A certificate of purity does not ensure that a marriage will be perfect. Do not let this young woman's testimony distract you from what's important. Heather Lindsey is a great example of a woman who did not do things "perfect" the first time around but God blessed her with an abundant ministry.

Do you know what God says about those individuals who have made mistakes?



> If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. *1 John 1:9*



He is FAITHFUL and JUST. He would never use your past transgressions against you but the enemy will. Her being married has nothing to do with what was going on below her waist. There are plenty of virgins who have been waiting for years and still aren't married. 

Do. Not. Get. Distracted. I completely understand how you feel. But I encourage you to chalk it up to a moment of weakness and continue to put your trust in God. When the enemy knows what bothers you, he will throw anything in your path to get you unfocused.


----------



## Nina_S

Divine. said:


> Do. Not. Get. Distracted. I completely understand how you feel. But I encourage you to chalk it up to a moment of weakness and continue to put your trust in God. When the enemy knows what bothers you, he will throw anything in your path to get you unfocused.



Thanks for the reminder @Divine.   Reminds me of Kevin Levar's song Destiny.

This is not a time to get distracted
This is not a time to go off course
This is not a time to lose your focus
got a work to do for the Lord
And you cannot afford to lose your way
you've come too far from where you started
so please don't let the time you've sown be wasted
on things that you'll later regret
wishing you never had
once you realize it wasn't worth it
your destiny is too important to give up for anything
This is not a time to get distracted....
waiting on the other side of temptations
waiting on the other side of this test
is everything you ever dreamed
everything you prayed for
everything He promised you that you'd get
Waiting on the other side of temptation
waiting on the overside of this test is
everything you ever dreamed
everything you prayed for
everything he promised you that you'd get....


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## Belle Du Jour

whosthatgurl said:


> *random post ensues* So. I've been "in my feels" this week as the fair rolls into town, and cuffing season is nigh. And I'm still single. It's tough out here. I, well church member put a bug in someone's ear that I'm interested, haven't heard from the guy yet smh.
> 
> Was supposed to meet someone this week. But I realized immediately why I wasn't attracted anymore.
> 
> I just recently found this story online about a girl who presented her dad with a certificate to prove that she's a virgin at her wedding and here *I am thinking I wish I would have waited, maybe I would be married. I'm always convinced that my not so desirable past of looking for love is hendering me. *
> 
> Idk.
> 
> Y'all excuse me. Had to get it out somewhere.



Waiting is not a guarantee of getting married. There are plenty of single virgins. 

We should wait because we want to please God, not catch a man.  That's why virginity does not automatically equal chastity. A person can be an impure virgin. A non-virgin can still be chaste. Don't let satan get in your headspace.


----------



## Belle Du Jour




----------



## whosthatgurl

^ thank you ladies


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## felic1

This thread seems nice. I will follow it. I have been so distressed about the local church. I do not really want to go on Sunday. It should not be like this. I used to want to be there when the door opened.


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## felic1

i think people at the church do not care for me and want me to leave. i believe the saints detest me. i think the pastor detests me. Who feels like that? I am celibate and happy about it. I have little to no social life. Sigh.


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## lalah

@felic1 Why do you feel that way? Did something in particular happen? Are you comfortable with asking your pastor if he has an issue with you? How can you worship effectively and serve in a chirch if you feel that way? Pray about it and seek God for His direction.


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## felic1

lalah said:


> @felic1 Why do you feel that way? Did something in particular happen? Are you comfortable with asking your pastor if he has an issue with you? How can you worship effectively and serve in a chirch if you feel that way? Pray about it and seek God for His direction.


@lalah  Thank you for a response. I have been attending this church for many years and took a long time to join. Mind you I am saved and filled with the Holy Ghost. This place has a history of wardrobe requests. They have a fear of red and lipstick. Everybody wears very dark lipstick. I have joked and called it MAC 987.  I had some outfits in the 90's that were red. Two ensembles that were knitted. I had black also. Perhaps this may have led some to believe that I have a sexual interest in these gumpy men. Mind you, the brothers are kind and have empathy. I have an autistic child that I am raising alone. I have been divorced for 23 years but no one really knows anything about me.

Again, I am raising my son alone. He is twenty five and well known to have a disability. I have to take him to the barber shop because he won't sit quiet, pay the barber or otherwise must be supervised. I consider it our family barbershop time. His father is living in another state.  The pastor has been having his hair cut at this barbershop in recent years. I have been a patron of this place 30 years without giving out my telephone number. I used to have a twa in the 80s. I had my son in the barber shop one afternoon waiting for his turn in the chair. The pastor is in the chair. A few other people are present. I participate in whatever conversations are going on as an example to my son. He has to have grooming. The pastor says, " have you been seeing anyone that is married?" And it came across in a very demeaning manner. I was bewildered. Whose pastor steps up, kicks off your covering, knocks your legs open to indicate that you are in a public business to pick up patrons to have sex with. I was so humiliated. Then he says, " Are these men married?" He was referring to two men on the left side of the shop. He says. " you can't talk to them." The men he was referring to have been whispering and gossiping about me for months since I said somebody had a sharp hairdo. I am a hair enthusiast. I do not remember who had the lair do. The two men have been gossiping about me referring to me as a lesbian. They laugh and whisper behind their hands. I feel very sexually harassed. I am there for no sexual purpose and am being referred to as a lesbian and a slut. I talked to the barber who said he will speak to the pastor and the pastor will NEVER approach me about anything in the barbershop again. He said that the pastor will not approach me about the situation again. It is not easy to raise a man-child. The other African American barber shop closed. Mind you I have been there for 30 years. The barber was silenced and driven out of that church with his wife and family because he did not said he did not want to participate in a large yearly offering drive. It was a cruel experience and the man has struggled with the experience's he had with the local church under the present pastors *father.* He was shunned starting when his children were little and they are all out of high school. He is just a backslid mess and I believe that the pastor wants to win him.

Some members of the church avoid me. They do not want to talk to me. I say hello to folks and have to make multiple approaches for someone to say hello. They refuse to say good morning. Anyway. I have I have to go to work now. I will respond more later.


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## blessedandfavoured

felic1 said:


> @lalah  Thank you for a response. I have been attending this church for many years and took a long time to join. Mind you I am saved and filled with the Holy Ghost. This place has a history of wardrobe requests. *They have a fear of red and lipstick.* Everybody wears very dark lipstick. I have joked and called it MAC 987.  I had some outfits in the 90's that were red. Two ensembles that were knitted. I had black also. Perhaps this may have led some to believe that I have a sexual interest in these gumpy men. Mind you, the brothers are kind and have empathy. I have an autistic child that I am raising alone. I have been divorced for 23 years but no one really knows anything about me.
> 
> Again, I am raising my son alone. He is twenty five and well known to have a disability. I have to take him to the barber shop because he won't sit quiet, pay the barber or otherwise must be supervised. I consider it our family barbershop time. His father is living in another state.  The pastor has been having his hair cut at this barbershop in recent years. I have been a patron of this place 30 years without giving out my telephone number. I used to have a twa in the 80s. I had my son in the barber shop one afternoon waiting for his turn in the chair. *The pastor is in the chair. A few other people are present.* I participate in whatever conversations are going on as an example to my son. He has to have grooming. The pastor says, *" have you been seeing anyone that is married?" And it came across in a very demeaning manner.* I was bewildered. Whose pastor steps up, kicks off your covering, knocks your legs open to indicate that you are in a public business to pick up patrons to have sex with. I was so humiliated. Then he says, " Are these men married?" He was referring to two men on the left side of the shop. He says. " you can't talk to them." The men he was referring to have been whispering and gossiping about me for months since I said somebody had a sharp hairdo. I am a hair enthusiast. I do not remember who had the lair do. *The two men have been gossiping about me referring to me as a lesbian. They laugh and whisper behind their hands. I feel very sexually harassed.* I am there for no sexual purpose and am being referred to as a lesbian and a slut. I talked to the barber who said he will speak to the pastor and the pastor will NEVER approach me about anything in the barbershop again. He said that the pastor will not approach me about the situation again. It is not easy to raise a man-child. The other African American barber shop closed. Mind you I have been there for 30 years. The barber was silenced and driven out of that church with his wife and family because he did not said he did not want to participate in a large yearly offering drive. It was a cruel experience and the man has struggled with the experience's he had with the local church under the present pastors *father.* He was shunned starting when his children were little and they are all out of high school. He is just a backslid mess and I believe that the pastor wants to win him.
> 
> Some members of the church avoid me. They do not want to talk to me. I say hello to folks and have to make multiple approaches for someone to say hello. They refuse to say good morning. Anyway. I have I have to go to work now. I will respond more later.



Hello dear sister,  thank you for your post.  I'm not sure anyone that you've mentioned is actually saved at all.  If, God forbid, you were a slut or a lesbian, a God-fearing Christian would pray for you, then privately (or with one or two other serious Christians) approach you and lovingly and gently call you out on your sin, and attempt to lead you to repentance.  If you were actually sinning, no true lover of Christ who has read the Bible would be publicly asking you about it, or gossiping and laughing about you.  Sin is not a laughing matter!  This is shameful and ridiculous behavior, and from what you've said about the barber, people in this church - even the 'pastor' - have a habit of mistreating congregants.

I say you should leave.  Pray about it first, but it seems to me that you've been there much longer than you should have, especially considering that no one has stepped up to show you godly love and kindness.  Also, I personally have an issue with the no red or makeup thing.  It's one thing to encourage modest dressing, but when entire colors are banned, that's just weird!  And it reeks of control.  In my opinion, you should leave and pray for God to direct you to a church where *He*, not a human, is known and shown and worshipped as Lord.

God bless you as you seek to do His will and honor Him.  And may He give you strength to endure any trials, and may He bring your son total healing, in the name of His Wonderful Son, Christ Jesus.  Amen.


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## felic1

@blessedandfavored    God has not given us a spirit of fear. Fear of people wearing necklaces, earrings, red, aversions and contempt for slack wearers are all in the same bucket. It is a type of bondage. There is a high miscarriage rate. Cancer. Children dying. You can't keep on doing things to people without unanswered prayers. I spoke to one of the mother's that runs prayer meeting about this.  I asked her, " Am I considered the church whore? Am I supposed to be the woman that is just coming to have sex with the members?" She said, " No baby! We love you. She is very kind. I attribute the time I spent in prayer meeting as why I am able to celebrate the Lord in celibacy. I am so happy not to have a crazy man bothering me. I will write more later.


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## lalah

@felic1 Sounds more like a cult. I couldn't imagine being a part of a church like this. I say move on. Just because someone is a church leader does not mean he was called. Some leaders are appointed, but have no anointing. The Spirit of God does not sound like it resides there.


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## Belle Du Jour

Feeling a little meh today and crying out to God:"where IS he?!" This waiting...not for the faint of heart.


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## lalah

Belle Du Jour said:


> Feeling a little meh today and crying out to God:"where IS he?!" This waiting...not for the faint of heart.



I'm feeling this way too! I just asked God why are so many of your daughters lacking their husbands when you said in your Word that it was not good for man to be alone and recognized the need for a helpmeet. I prayed that he would raise up men of God and ripen them for marriage so there will be more Godly marriages. I'm feeling so sad today. I just don't understand.


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## Tyra

felic1 said:


> @lalah  Thank you for a response. I have been attending this church for many years and took a long time to join. Mind you I am saved and filled with the Holy Ghost. This place has a history of wardrobe requests. They have a fear of red and lipstick. Everybody wears very dark lipstick. I have joked and called it MAC 987.  I had some outfits in the 90's that were red. Two ensembles that were knitted. I had black also. Perhaps this may have led some to believe that I have a sexual interest in these gumpy men. Mind you, the brothers are kind and have empathy. I have an autistic child that I am raising alone. I have been divorced for 23 years but no one really knows anything about me.
> 
> Again, I am raising my son alone. He is twenty five and well known to have a disability. I have to take him to the barber shop because he won't sit quiet, pay the barber or otherwise must be supervised. I consider it our family barbershop time. His father is living in another state.  The pastor has been having his hair cut at this barbershop in recent years. I have been a patron of this place 30 years without giving out my telephone number. I used to have a twa in the 80s. I had my son in the barber shop one afternoon waiting for his turn in the chair. The pastor is in the chair. A few other people are present. I participate in whatever conversations are going on as an example to my son. He has to have grooming. The pastor says, " have you been seeing anyone that is married?" And it came across in a very demeaning manner. I was bewildered. Whose pastor steps up, kicks off your covering, knocks your legs open to indicate that you are in a public business to pick up patrons to have sex with. I was so humiliated. Then he says, " Are these men married?" He was referring to two men on the left side of the shop. He says. " you can't talk to them." The men he was referring to have been whispering and gossiping about me for months since I said somebody had a sharp hairdo. I am a hair enthusiast. I do not remember who had the lair do. The two men have been gossiping about me referring to me as a lesbian. They laugh and whisper behind their hands. I feel very sexually harassed. I am there for no sexual purpose and am being referred to as a lesbian and a slut. I talked to the barber who said he will speak to the pastor and the pastor will NEVER approach me about anything in the barbershop again. He said that the pastor will not approach me about the situation again. It is not easy to raise a man-child. The other African American barber shop closed. Mind you I have been there for 30 years. The barber was silenced and driven out of that church with his wife and family because he did not said he did not want to participate in a large yearly offering drive. It was a cruel experience and the man has struggled with the experience's he had with the local church under the present pastors *father.* He was shunned starting when his children were little and they are all out of high school. He is just a backslid mess and I believe that the pastor wants to win him.
> 
> Some members of the church avoid me. They do not want to talk to me. I say hello to folks and have to make multiple approaches for someone to say hello. They refuse to say good morning. Anyway. I have I have to go to work now. I will respond more later.



I would seek the Lord and ask Him where His place is for me.  A shepherd is to watch for your soul and you are to follow him or her as he or she follows the Lord.   They're not supposed to condemn and project, which is what it sounds like that pastor tried to do in the barber shop. Also, you're not subject to anyone yoke of bondage. You have been delivered from the yoke of bondage, which is the law.  If you stay there you will be subjected to a time of condemnation and laws.  You are free in Jesus.  Free indeed. That church is full of carnality.  That many times is the case behind people who use things like lipstick and apparel rules to hold against the saints.  "The law strengthens sin"...seems that although they have strict dress rules that have been laid for that house,  that church is full of carnal people with iniquity abounding in their hearts. The backbiting and piousness speak for themselves.  Satan himself is an accuser of the brethren.
Seriously, ask the Lord where you should go.  That place will have you sick in your soul and always walking around under the influence of a spirit of oppression.  That's certainly not God's best for you. You have the Holy Ghost. He will lead and you guide you to all truth.


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## lalah

Okay I'm at this singles conference where the speaker pointed out that the room is mostly filled with women and how the church period is mostly filled with women and so we need to pray that God will save more men. She made the stratement that you have more women both Christian and non-Christian taking care of broken men. Anyways she also said that this is the nature of the times we live in as predicted in the Bible and referenced the scripture below. My mouth fell open. I'm sure I read this before, but never really paid attention to it. She was basically talking about women settling and not waiting on God and doing things  their own way just to get a man.  

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭4:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“In that day so few men will be left that seven women will fight for each man, saying, “Let us all marry you! We will provide our own food and clothing. Only let us take your name so we won’t be mocked as old maids.”

It's time for some intense fasting and prayer! Lord, save our men.


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## Belle Du Jour

lalah said:


> Okay I'm at this singles conference where the speaker pointed out that the room is mostly filled with women and how the church period is mostly filled with women and so we need to pray that God will save more men. She made the stratement that you have more women both Christian and non-Christian taking care of broken men. Anyways she also said that this is the nature of the times we live in as predicted in the Bible and referenced the scripture below. My mouth fell open. I'm sure I read this before, but never really paid attention to it. She was basically talking about women settling and not waiting on God and doing things  their own way just to get a man.
> 
> ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭4:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬
> 
> “In that day so few men will be left that seven women will fight for each man, saying, “Let us all marry you! We will provide our own food and clothing. Only let us take your name so we won’t be mocked as old maids.”
> 
> It's time for some intense fasting and prayer! Lord, save our men.


Men have become so passive and weak...for a true daughter of God, it is likely that she will be waiting for a long time before a man shows initiative and steps up to the plate. I know exactly what I'm looking for but those men are few and far between.


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## felic1

I believe that the saved men who are not married are in  fornication. Many men believe that sex is normal and that is why they have a drive and it means that they are healthy. They believe that releasing their semen with a woman is appropriate whetherr they are married to her or not. They consider long term relationships correct and wish to sample the female reproductive system. I met a man who claimed to be a Christian and was making a bee line for my sheets. When I told him I was celiebate he asked me how long was I planning to be celibate. It has no expiration date. He was off like the wind to obtain an available female. The men in the church are caught up in practices like their unholy boys. I am not posting this to be bitter.  Many change churches or date women from other churches to hide their fornication. Few are waiting for a godly relationship. It does not mean that they are not nice people.  They are not committed or separated to a chaste life.  What can someone offer us who is accustomed to a rapid turnover of women? Men that practice multiple partners will still do so after a ceremony. That goes for ladies also.  If two people are not able to commit to God first, how shall they be able to be part of a three fold cord?  I still remember the lady talking about a preacher wanting a picture of her and that she should resemble the ex wife...... Do any of the rest of you ladies believe that the average brother is praacticing a separated chaste life?


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## futureapl

I joined Christian Mingle a little over a month ago. I met a guy on there who truly has a relationship with God. This is the first time that I have met a guy who I have had phone conversations with while we both have the bible open. It's refreshing to know that there are guys still out there who don't disappear when they hear that you're waiting until marriage. I'm not saying that he's the one. I'm just happy to see that guys like this still exist.


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## stephluv

Hiii ladies as a single lady how do you feel about dating a divorced man?


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## lalah

felic1 said:


> I believe that the saved men who are not married are in  fornication. Many men believe that sex is normal and that is why they have a drive and it means that they are healthy. They believe that releasing their semen with a woman is appropriate whetherr they are married to her or not. They consider long term relationships correct and wish to sample the female reproductive system. I met a man who claimed to be a Christian and was making a bee line for my sheets. When I told him I was celiebate he asked me how long was I planning to be celibate. It has no expiration date. He was off like the wind to obtain an available female. The men in the church are caught up in practices like their unholy boys. I am not posting this to be bitter.  Many change churches or date women from other churches to hide their fornication. Few are waiting for a godly relationship. It does not mean that they are not nice people.  They are not committed or separated to a chaste life.  What can someone offer us who is accustomed to a rapid turnover of women? Men that practice multiple partners will still do so after a ceremony. That goes for ladies also.  If two people are not able to commit to God first, how shall they be able to be part of a three fold cord?  I still remember the lady talking about a preacher wanting a picture of her and that she should resemble the ex wife...... Do any of the rest of you ladies believe that the average brother is praacticing a separated chaste life?



Reading this reminded me of this post below I saw on Face Book from a pastor. I do see a trend of men who are fornicators and not fully following Christ and playing church so they can get with "desperate" unsuspecting Christian women. 

"MAN STILL HIDING IN THE GARDEN LIKE GOD DONT KNOW WHERE YOU AT SPIRITUALLY"

To touch on Christian brothas using GOD to get girls, and women thinking just because he say God or go to church "that's him girl God sent him". I'm gon elaborate on that. This is a " WARNING" in Luke 12:48 it states, "But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." 

 This is all aspects of life, but to the whoremongers I say, your plots and evil desires are only fueling Gods anger for he has trusted you with so much for you to have used it so recklessly. Didn't you know that THE GOOD SHEPARD kills the wolf He catches near His sheep? This morning I pray that you turn and repent, and calm thee ALMIGHTY GOD'S anger. To the ladies I say this,.....he wont bring you closer to God for he is further away from God then you are!!! 

 No one comes to God because of another person place or thing!! The ONLY reason people get saved is because they see the relationship with God is damaged because of their sin and ANYTHING short of that is a false conversion. If you don't know God ladies and your following him to know God lol lmbo lol come on now!!! 

If you wanna know God follow God not a possible-man-of-God cause God will tell you and show you if he is a true man of God. Hosea 4:6 says, " ....my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. Men repent and get back in the race, and ladies put down the book with baby names in it and stop google'n the cocaine-white wedding dress and pick up that WORD. SHARE AND TAG. SHALOM ---- 

                                      Mr. StClaire Quincy Lee Sr.


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## felic1

A divorced man.hmm. It depends on the circumstances. Some feel if a man has children, what can be do for you? Divorce does happen among Christians. Hopefully a wife and ex have resolved issues and peace is present. There can be drama with other living relatives.


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## Maracujá

Most women in the world have husbands and children that eat them out of house and home, but in my case?! I basically eat myself out of house and home


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## kanozas

All men are broken.  There is not one who has it all together.  If we all did, there would be no need for Jesus.  The church is comprised of broken people.  All of you in the world are broken.  Those women and men in the church...they're broken.   Broken people seeking other  broken people.  Marriage is still good.


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## Divine.

kanozas said:


> All men are broken.  There is not one who has it all together.  If we all did, there would be no need for Jesus.  The church is comprised of broken people.  All of you in the world are broken.  Those women and men in the church...they're broken.   Broken people seeking other  broken people.  Marriage is still good.



I think there's a difference between being broken and being imperfect. Being broken in spirit is not good and we shouldn't stay in that state. However recognizing that we are imperfect individuals reaffirms why need God in our lives.


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## movingforward

I may be going through a phase.  But I don't think I want to get married.  I want male companionship, in every essence of the word, I just don't think I want to be married. 

I do know being a wife, will provide a covering/protection and I know the word, etc.  I'm just not interested in getting married anymore.


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## felic1

I would like a companion/ husband. No rush. Praying for one.


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## Laela

Hi sis.. I'm inclined to believe it to be a phase.. God's heart is always open to our pain and desires, yet His promises are sure. The "lonely" birthdays, the quiet holidays and the desire for something that seem forever elusive...these are all in-the-meantime emotions that are intended to get us off-track and to settle for _whatever_. Well, God is not a whatever God. He's a Whosoever will God. Keep trusting Him and don't give up! His timing is perfect, even at 11:59 



movingforward said:


> I may be going through a phase.  But I don't think I want to get married.  I want male companionship, in every essence of the word, I just don't think I want to be married.
> 
> I do know being a wife, will provide a covering/protection and I know the word, etc.  I'm just not interested in getting married anymore.


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## Lucia

When Prince William finally asked Kate Middleton to be his bride it came as a delightful surprise to many since the prince and Kate had broken up in the past. The way that Kate handled herself during that breakup can be both encouragement and a lesson to many women that have been broken up with. If you’re one of these women, read on and pay close attention to how Kate dealt with the situation and still ended up with her man.

To begin with, independent women are much more attractive to men. Clever, confident women that have much to offer, or at least appear that way, are going to be more sought after than the clingy and needy types of women. These are women that lead their own lives without the need of a man to complete them.

Men don’t like to be with women that display neediness because they’ll start to feel smothered. Once this happens, they become distant and, eventually, leave. When Prince William ended the relationship with Kate she didn’t cling and beg. She went about her life and let him see that she was fine without him.

Next, a woman with her own circle of friends, interests and hobbies is much more alluring than a woman that builds her life around her man. When a man is with a woman that has her own life, he doesn’t feel smothered because he’s free to enjoy things on his own as well. In this type of relationship, the man doesn’t have to be there 24/7. He doesn’t have to constantly take care of and provide for her. He’s not her entire world.

A woman with her own life isn’t whiny, dramatic or constantly needing the attention of her man. She’s also not possessive and jealous and doesn’t have to know where he is every second of the day or what he’s doing. Not that Kate did any of those things when she and the prince were together, but she showed him following the breakup that she could just as easily be happy in her own world without him.

Finally, a woman’s independence makes it appear that she can happily live her life without the guy that walked away from her. The idea that she can be lost forever is a huge attractor when it comes to guys. The woman is _not_standing around waiting for this guy to possibly change his mind and return to her.

It’s this very idea that she can walk away herself that makes him understand what a gift she is. When she’s not around, the guy gets to see what it feels like to miss her. Then _he_ is the one that wants to be together. Feeling that something can be lost allows him to fully experience the miracle of what it’s like to have it. 

When the prince walked away from Kate, it only took her a mere 10 weeks to get him back just by leading her own life and appearing independent.

http://mrtransitionguy.com/what-you-can-learn-from-kates-breakup-with-prince-william.htm


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## kanozas

I don't know if I'd get my christian cues or dating/marriage advice from royals.  They are not the best people to emulate at all.   Case in point, these people were fornicating all throughout their dating relationship.  They shacked up.  The goal of marriage isn't to get our man, it's to live out the love of the Father through the sacrament of marriage and family which looks to Him for direction.   All this trying to be the perfect one to attract a man, bleh.  Just live and love your life.


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## Belle Du Jour

kanozas said:


> I don't know if I'd get my christian cues or dating/marriage advice from royals.  They are not the best people to emulate at all.   Case in point, these people were fornicating all throughout their dating relationship.  They shacked up.  The goal of marriage isn't to get our man, it's to live out the love of the Father through the sacrament of marriage and family which looks to Him for direction.   All this trying to be the perfect one to attract a man, bleh.  Just live and love your life.



I have to agree.  I can't really stand her...the media called her "Waity Katy" because she didn't even try to do anything substantive with her life while she waited for a ring.  She actually targeted William by changing colleges to go to his once it was announced where he was going.  She's the opposite of letting God write your love story, even though she seemingly got everything she wanted.  Seemingly...is she really happy?


----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> I don't know if I'd get my christian cues or dating/marriage advice from royals.  They are not the best people to emulate at all.   Case in point, these people were fornicating all throughout their dating relationship.  They shacked up.  The goal of marriage isn't to get our man, it's to live out the love of the Father through the sacrament of marriage and family which looks to Him for direction.   All this trying to be the perfect one to attract a man, bleh.  Just live and love your life.



What I found interesting is his is a guy encouraging this too.
Definitely not I'm totally against shaking up and when friends ask I tell them so, but this is the "shining example" being held up as the way to have a relationship.  Kate is completely opposite of his mom Diana courtship wise as far as I know.  I do read look,at some of these things because I think I have to know what's being tooted as the new normal out in the world so I can be prepared with the appropriate responses especially for potential suitors who also believe that this is the way things are done now. 



Belle Du Jour said:


> I have to agree.  I can't really stand her...the media called her "Waity Katy" because she didn't even try to do anything substantive with her life while she waited for a ring.  She actually targeted William by changing colleges to go to his once it was announced where he was going.  She's the opposite of letting God write your love story, even though she seemingly got everything she wanted.  Seemingly...is she really happy?



She's a social climber for sure OT they dress her well.
And that's the message women in he western world are being bombarded with all the time movies tv books ex Twilight which has like a dozen or more things wrong with it. I won't even talk about 50 shades of grey (haven't seen or read it on purpose) Sex and the City (wander aimlessly around having sex and shaking up with who ever comes along until you follow "the Rules"book to get married, Scandal etc. I'm sure you've all heard this one I know a friend of a friend who got on a plane moved in with this guy for x months/years but they got married. These kinds of stories are always romanticized after the fact to justify the shaking up adultery fornication etc.
Good points do they truly love each other or is this just a marriage of convenience? Are they truly happy? Only time will reveal the truth.
They didn't have a Christ centered relationship and IMO don't receive Gods blessing on their marriage.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

^ Both of them are aging at an alarming rate too


----------



## Divine.

Back in my unsaved days, I found it much easier to get over a guy by getting a new one. It worked for me. Now that I'm trying to do this dating thing God's way, it's taking me twice as long to move on. Literally it's been 2 years and I still can't get over this man! I haven't dated anyone else since God told me to stop talking to him. I almost feel like I'm worse off. 

I want to do things my way so badly, but maybe I'm being forced to go through this for a reason.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I thought men in the church were supposed to be different than secular men   My God, what has happened to men?!?!  Even if they are able to control their physical impulses and live a relatively holy and chaste life, the are so _impotent _and paralyzed by fear.  They have lost all knowledge of how to choose a partner (I mean a GOOD woman) and how to pursue.  There are SO MANY good women who are just languishing...I'm looking at these single men like, what's wrong with you???  They literally have the pick of the litter, so to speak, and they still choose to not choose.  I believe God is going to hold some of these men accountable on judgement day, for not honoring their God-given mandate as men to be the head and not participating in the creation of children for the Kingdom.

OK, rant over


----------



## lalah

Belle Du Jour said:


> I thought men in the church were supposed to be different than secular men   My God, what has happened to men?!?!  Even if they are able to control their physical impulses and live a relatively holy and chaste life, the are so _impotent _and paralyzed by fear.  They have lost all knowledge of how to choose a partner (I mean a GOOD woman) and how to pursue.  There are SO MANY good women who are just languishing...I'm looking at these single men like, what's wrong with you???  They literally have the pick of the litter, so to speak, and they still choose to not choose.  I believe God is going to hold some of these men accountable on judgement day, for not honoring their God-given mandate as men to be the head and not participating in the creation of children for the Kingdom.
> 
> OK, rant over



Just because a man is in church doesn't mean he is ripe for marriage. He may still have issues that God is delivering him from. A man choosing to remain single until God releases him to find a mate is in obedience and submission to God. I'm just as frustrated, but we should really pray for our men. I saved all those prayers from the pinned thread above praying for men. Those are so really good prayers to pray over our men.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

lalah said:


> Just because a man is in church doesn't mean he is ripe for marriage. He may still have issues that God is delivering him from. A man choosing to remain single until God releases him to find a mate is in obedience and submission to God. I'm just as frustrated, but we should really pray for our men. I saved all those prayers from the pinned thread above praying for men. Those are so really good prayers to pray over our men.


 
I was super frustrated when I wrote my earlier post.  I totally respect a man who has heard from God and is remaining single because God told him to.  But I think most men are being disobedient to the call to _marry_. They are going through a prolonged adolescence and are afraid to "man up."  Yes, we have to keep persisting in prayer.


----------



## mz.rae

Me and my SO met at this church two years ago, but started dating last October. Anyway the church we go to is more so a new believer, people who are tired of church type church. Frankly as I mature I'm realizing I need something more for where I am at now. I started going to this new just starting up church that my friend invited me to and I am thinking about joining soon. Now it's the figuring out how me and SO going to two different churches is going to work though I do plan to come and support what ever events and stuff he has.


I do think about how this is going to work in a marriage, but I feel like me and him are no where near that any time soon. He is ready for wedding planning, however I feel how can you plan a wedding before building a decent relationship first, which I have had this conversation with him before but it doesn't seem to be registering. 

And while we are speaking of different churches, something rubbed me the wrong way. Last year I was visiting this church that one of his female friends that use to go to our church goes to now. And he told me that she texted him telling him I was worshipping at that particular church now. And he told her as long as I was worshipping somewhere he didn't have a problem with it, and she proceeded to tell him that he was a good guy. Mind you as this is happening me and him had only been dating for a month or two, so I was having a hard time seeing what the big deal was. In my eyes we are still getting to know each other and there is no need for all of that seeing as me and him weren't married, engaged, and have been dating for about two months.


----------



## kanozas

Belle Du Jour said:


> I was super frustrated when I wrote my earlier post.  I totally respect a man who has heard from God and is remaining single because God told him to.  But I think most men are being disobedient to the call to _marry_. They are going through a prolonged adolescence and are afraid to "man up."  Yes, we have to keep persisting in prayer.




Funny you say that, I saw this  man (totally secular) on a variety show today and this guy was 50+ trying to brighten up his aging.  Well, his minor plastic surgery came out well and I can't fault him for having refractive eye surgery in addition to it all but....as he was with his friend at the cafe', he saw this cute Italian lady and asked her to join them.  Later on, they met at his birthday party and he was so boyish flirty-flirty, then this man was onto other women, trying to be a 20-something playboy.  Like, dood, ...I dunno, seeing him leave his empty-ish apt. and pushing elder age and trying to be forever young, he just didn't get it.  He's going to be old soon, and  alone.   Talk about prolonged adolescence.  smh  Just something about the way he was behaving.  They don't want to grow up.  Nobody said you have to be a certain way with age...boring-bored, dull, couch potato, style-less...but they don't want to grow up and do all that and still commit.


----------



## kanozas

Lucia said:


> What I found interesting is his is a guy encouraging this too.
> Definitely not I'm totally against shaking up and when friends ask I tell them so, but this is the "shining example" being held up as the way to have a relationship.  Kate is completely opposite of his mom Diana courtship wise as far as I know.  I do read look,at some of these things because I think I have to know what's being tooted as the new normal out in the world so I can be prepared with the appropriate responses especially for potential suitors who also believe that this is the way things are done now.
> 
> 
> 
> She's a social climber for sure OT they dress her well.
> And that's the message women in he western world are being bombarded with all the time movies tv books ex Twilight which has like a dozen or more things wrong with it. I won't even talk about 50 shades of grey (haven't seen or read it on purpose) Sex and the City (wander aimlessly around having sex and shaking up with who ever comes along until you follow "the Rules"book to get married, Scandal etc. I'm sure you've all heard this one I know a friend of a friend who got on a plane moved in with this guy for x months/years but they got married. These kinds of stories are always romanticized after the fact to justify the shaking up adultery fornication etc.
> Good points do they truly love each other or is this just a marriage of convenience? Are they truly happy? Only time will reveal the truth.
> They didn't have a Christ centered relationship and IMO don't receive Gods blessing on their marriage.




I hear ya, though.  I was thinking the other day that we women just give too much and get so little back.  Used to be, marriage would unite families, unite money, power, influence, secure sides for posterity, raise social class etc.  Now, women are the bread winners and men are aspiring to become housemen, raising the children.  They still don't help with all that needs to be done so she's basically tuckered out daily.  I don't want no scrubs and NO housemen.  Is it too much to marry for money, position, prestige?  And if you do, chances are he's not religious and wants to compromise your morals.  I dunno, the state of things is horrible now.  And yes, Kate was positioning herself as an aristocrat.  That's what they do and I can't say it's wrong...but they way they live, they are purely secular.  Are there any out there of high position who actually love G-d?  I'm looking for phone numbers lol.  At this rate, I'm hoping in fantasyland and that's so scary.


----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> I hear ya, though.  I was thinking the other day that we women just give too much and get so little back.  Used to be, marriage would unite families, unite money, power, influence, secure sides for posterity, raise social class etc.  Now, women are the bread winners and men are aspiring to become housemen, raising the children.  They still don't help with all that needs to be done so she's basically tuckered out daily.  I don't want no scrubs and NO housemen.  Is it too much to marry for money, position, prestige?  And if you do, chances are he's not religious and wants to compromise your morals.  I dunno, the state of things is horrible now.  And yes, Kate was positioning herself as an aristocrat.  That's what they do and I can't say it's wrong...but they way they live, they are purely secular.  Are there any out there of high position who actually love G-d?  I'm looking for phone numbers lol.  At this rate, I'm hoping in fantasyland and that's so scary.



I think there are those who are well off or rich and have kept godly values. It just seems like everyone's on the train to Sodom but in reality not everyone is. There's a lot of people in the world and sometimes I we all judge by appearances we don't really know what's going on inside only God knows and they'll have to reckon with that. But from what I gleen off some of these celebs public figures is a good number publically show they're not living in the word but there are those who don't live like that but they get less ink in the scandal sheets. JMO


----------



## mz.rae

I just came to realize that I complain so much about this guy to myself and others because he isn't my ex. Yes he does have a good amount of things I feel he needs to work on, but it's no excuse to be mean to him. I also feel like I'm making him pay for the role he played in the demise of my last relationship. I know this sounds really terrible.


----------



## Lucia

mz.rae said:


> I just came to realize that I complain so much about this guy to myself and others because he isn't my ex. Yes he does have a good amount of things I feel he needs to work on, but it's no excuse to be mean to him. I also feel like I'm making him pay for the role he played in the demise of my last relationship. I know this sounds really terrible.



Just cause the last guy might have been a dog doesn't mean this guy is or deserves the backlash from it. 
I think take things slow and work on yourself as in releasing whatever anger hurt pain disappointments dreams you had in your mind about your ex. If he's still on your mind there's probably a reason and you need to figure that out and ask Jesus to give you clarity and discernment. I pray every other day for discernment clarity and wisdom.  Cause people will try you every dang day. So keep your head up sis and let Jesus and time show you what you need.


----------



## mz.rae

Lucia said:


> Just cause the last guy might have been a dog doesn't mean this guy is or deserves the backlash from it.
> I think take things slow and work on yourself as in releasing whatever anger hurt pain disappointments dreams you had in your mind about your ex. If he's still on your mind there's probably a reason and you need to figure that out and ask Jesus to give you clarity and discernment. I pray every other day for discernment clarity and wisdom.  Cause people will try you every dang day. So keep your head up sis and let Jesus and time show you what you need.


Thank you so much!!


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> I thought men in the church were supposed to be different than secular men   My God, what has happened to men?!?!  Even if they are able to control their physical impulses and live a relatively holy and chaste life, the are so _impotent _and paralyzed by fear.  They have lost all knowledge of how to choose a partner (I mean a GOOD woman) and how to pursue.  There are SO MANY good women who are just languishing...I'm looking at these single men like, what's wrong with you???  They literally have the pick of the litter, so to speak, and they still choose to not choose.  I believe God is going to hold some of these men accountable on judgement day, for not honoring their God-given mandate as men to be the head and not participating in the creation of children for the Kingdom.
> 
> OK, rant over




@Belle Du Jour 

Check this lecture out


----------



## kanozas

Is it wrong of a woman to want a traditional role within a marriage BUT position herself to secure a high-ranking man?  Nope.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

kanozas said:


> Is it wrong of a woman to want a traditional role within a marriage BUT position herself to secure a high-ranking man?  Nope.



TBH, a high ranking man would be more likely to make those traditional roles a reality.


----------



## movingforward

Sooooo.......how are you ladies dealing with the celebate life?

I'm speaking Naturally 

....I know and understand the spiritual side.  I've been celebate for about 10 years now.


----------



## Maracujá

Thanks for bringing this up @movingforward as this is getting harder for me for some reason. I've been celebate most of my life and right now I'm also on medication that takes away the desire to be physically active in that manner, I have a mental illness so I have to take the medication. The plan is to wean myself off of it in two years . Also, this whole year I decided to take on a challenge that pastor Andy Stanley gave in one of his sermons, he challenged singles to not date anyone for 1-2 years; at first it was just gonna be one year but I've extended it to two years. It's not easy as the amount of interesting men I'm meeting is increasing, and just the way I like them too: intellectual, educated, chocolatey, wellspoken, spiritual,...you name it, they're all coming out the woodwork lol. But...I am trying to keep my promise to The Lord.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Sad world we live in. This girl clearly has a "jezebel" spirit and seems to b e intentionally going after celibate guys. So glad Tebow didn't cave! But I think he's not great at picking good women. 

http://www.faithit.com/miss-univers...nt-have-sex-with-her-his-response-is-perfect/


----------



## movingforward

Maracujá said:


> Thanks for bringing this up @movingforward as this is getting harder for me for some reason. I've been celebate most of my life and right now I'm also on medication that takes away the desire to be physically active in that manner, I have a mental illness so I have to take the medication. The plan is to wean myself off of it in two years . Also, this whole year I decided to take on a challenge that pastor Andy Stanley gave in one of his sermons, he challenged singles to not date anyone for 1-2 years; at first it was just gonna be one year but I've extended it to two years. It's not easy as the amount of interesting men I'm meeting is increasing, and just the way I like them too: intellectual, educated, chocolatey, wellspoken, spiritual,...you name it, they're all coming out the woodwork lol. But...I am trying to keep my promise to The Lord.



I said I wanted the next guy I get into a relationship with to be my husband.  So because of that statement I haven't really dated in 10 years.  Not that I recommend anyone go that long.  But it was freeing I did me whatever that was.  I was able to be selfish, etc.  It was easier for me when I wasn't interested in dating. 

Which puts me in a state of confusion that I would make such a declaration, now that I don't think I want to get married anymore.

But practicing celibacy has been extremely difficult.  Especially this last year, I just don't know what to do.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

"As I said, this is a list of symptoms of Confirmed Bachelor Syndrome. Many men who do have the syndrome are curable. So no ladies, all men are NOT pigs, nor are they purposely trying to hurt you. They do not need your anger, bashing, or condemnation. *They need your prayers, kindness, gentleness, and understanding. And they need you to do your part to not enable them.*"

http://6stonejars.com/2011/06/04/confirmed-bachelor-why-good-men-stay-single/


----------



## Maracujá

movingforward said:


> I said I wanted the next guy I get into a relationship with to be my husband.  So because of that statement I haven't really dated in 10 years.  Not that I recommend anyone go that long.  But it was freeing I did me whatever that was.  I was able to be selfish, etc.  It was easier for me when I wasn't interested in dating.
> 
> Which puts me in a state of confusion that I would make such a declaration, now that I don't think I want to get married anymore.
> 
> But practicing celibacy has been extremely difficult.  Especially this last year, I just don't know what to do.



Hold on! I've been celibate for nearly a decade too but I was occasionally dating (no sex or anything, but my focus surely wasn't 100% on the Lord), now I've stopped that. I always think about what pastor Voddie Baucham said: if you want to know how tall a building is going to be, you don't have to wait for it to be built, you just look at the foundation and how deep they dig it. Same thing with marriage, if you want a sky scraper type of marriage, you've got to dig deep. There's also this minor detail about Sarah's life I read that hit me to my core and made me understand how deeply God cares about us. In the Bible, Sarah is abducted a number of times. I read somewhere that that is one of the reasons why God kept her childless as He did not want people to think that if she got pregnant it's because she had been unfaithful to Abraham with one of her abductors. God even cares about how a foul reputation will make us feel. 

I look forward to long romantic walks with my husband one day, during those walks, I don't want to constantly run into men I used to date back in the days. If this means being celibate for another 10 years, so be it. I'm also currently reading 'Sacred Singleness' by Leslie Ludy, where she encourages single women to live a life poured out. And be an apostle wherever God has placed you at the moment. I'm using my gifts now to help people with their administration, school, writing, languages and I love it!


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Sad world we live in. This girl clearly has a "jezebel" spirit and seems to b e intentionally going after celibate guys. So glad Tebow didn't cave! But I think he's not great at picking good women.
> 
> http://www.faithit.com/miss-univers...nt-have-sex-with-her-his-response-is-perfect/



@Belle Du Jour
Thanks for this post 
I've been feeling kind of discouraged lately you know like I'm tired Lord where is he already.

So this was just the testimony I needed to not give up. I've been there with guys testing you left and right "joking" what's wrong with you? I just leave now I don't even entertain that mess anymore.
Even though they're "joking" they're really not and they meant that on some level and I just can't deal with that kind of guy.
The old standard don't you love me,  if you loved me you'd show me your so sexy crazy pretty hot etc...
Then when nice doesn't work they get nasty and mean like trying the last ditch effort aren't you sick of it already, you must like girls, are you a lesbian? Your beliefs are so last century archaic and antiquated or I'm ignorant and primitive.

Then they act like I did something wrong to them and was out of pocket.
Then they flaunt some hoochie-ma in your face at a place they know you hang out at just to make you jealous just trifling. I've heard this from guy friends (had their own ideas on definition of friends ) and potential BFs.

It's hard to see good catches just walk on by but gods protected me and I've been up front honest and hardcore about my following Jesus.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> Hold on! I've been celibate for nearly a decade too but I was occasionally dating (no sex or anything, but my focus surely wasn't 100% on the Lord), now I've stopped that. I always think about what pastor Voddie Baucham said: if you want to know how tall a building is going to be, you don't have to wait for it to be built, you just look at the foundation and how deep they dig it. Same thing with marriage, if you want a sky scraper type of marriage, you've got to dig deep. There's also this minor detail about Sarah's life I read that hit me to my core and made me understand how deeply God cares about us. In the Bible, Sarah is abducted a number of times. I read somewhere that that is one of the reasons why God kept her childless as He did not want people to think that if she got pregnant it's because she had been unfaithful to Abraham with one of her abductors. God even cares about how a foul reputation will make us feel.
> 
> I look forward to long romantic walks with my husband one day, during those walks, I don't want to constantly run into men I used to date back in the days. If this means being celibate for another 10 years, so be it. I'm also currently reading 'Sacred Singleness' by Leslie Ludy, where she encourages single women to live a life poured out. And be an apostle wherever God has placed you at the moment. I'm using my gifts now to help people with their administration, school, writing, languages and I love it!



I was interested in Leslie's book but thought it might be for younger women.  Do you find the reading level too immature?


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> I was interested in Leslie's book but thought it might be for younger women.  Do you find the reading level too immature?



Somewhat yes, and the testimonies are mostly from women in their mid twenties to early thirties. Also, I've come to understand that white Christians are really into missionary work, which is what most of the ladies testifying in the book did with their single season. What I like about the book is that it takes you back to the essence and makes you dream again. Leslie encourages us to not settle for just anybody but to wait for our 'warrior-poet'. As childish as that may come across for some, it's an important reminder. When I look around me and see some of the men women are settling down for just in order to be able to say that they are coupled/boo'ed/shacked up, it's crazy!

If you prefer more mature material, I would suggest Nancy Leigh Demoss' book 'Lies women believe and the truth that sets them free', there's a passage there about believing the lie that one can't be happy while single. And she was single for all of her adult life, she just recently got married.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Thank you for reminding me about NLD! 

Listening to this podcast now: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/rad...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I have to give a shout out to @Maracujá for reminding me about Nancy Leigh Demoss!  Her testimony is such a beautiful reminder of God's love.  I stumbled onto a treasure trove of downloadable mp3 files and her wedding video.

https://www.reviveourhearts.com/series/unexpected-grace-nancy-and-roberts-story/
https://www.reviveourhearts.com/series/thoughts-my-single-sisters-i-become-mrs/
 
These are worth a listen to!


----------



## Divine.

movingforward said:


> Sooooo.......how are you ladies dealing with the celebate life?
> 
> I'm speaking Naturally
> 
> ....I know and understand the spiritual side.  I've been celebate for about 10 years now.



I guess I'm doing okay...it's been 3 1/2 years. But if God decides to cut my wait down I'm not gonna fight him about it  

I commend you ladies who have been doing this for 10 years. I could not do it. I'm barely making it to 4. I wish more women opened up about celibacy in the Christian community.


----------



## Maracujá

Divine. said:


> I guess I'm doing okay...it's been 3 1/2 years. But if God decides to cut my wait down I'm not gonna fight him about it
> 
> I commend you ladies who have been doing this for 10 years. I could not do it. I'm barely making it to 4. I wish more women opened up about celibacy in the Christian community.



And that's the right attitude to have imho, just like marriage can become an idol, so can singleness. Also, you may think it's hard to remain celibate, but think about these words: exclusivity breeds intimacy.


----------



## movingforward

Divine. said:


> I guess I'm doing okay...it's been 3 1/2 years. But if God decides to cut my wait down I'm not gonna fight him about it
> 
> I commend you ladies who have been doing this for 10 years. I could not do it. I'm barely making it to 4. I wish more women opened up about celibacy in the Christian community.



It's tough.   The only reason why I lasted so long was doing the traditional Christian stuff prayer meditation talking to friends trying to obey God's word etc. etc. But it is very difficult to do especially as I get older I will be 40 next year so it's very tough for me. 

And my issue is that there is no real discussion on the proper ways to be celibate and practice our belief.


----------



## Divine.

movingforward said:


> *And my issue is that there is no real discussion on the proper ways to be celibate and practice our belief.*



Exactly! That's my issue as well.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

movingforward said:


> And my issue is that there is no real discussion on the proper ways to be celibate and practice our belief.


 
There is a whole bunch of books on chastity from Catholic writers. I recommend:
Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West,  Holy Sex by Gregory  Popcak and Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden.

ETA: I hope no one is thrown off by the fact that the writers are Catholic.      I honestly don't know of many Protestant writers tackling issues on sexuality.  I also read books by Protestant authors as well.  We can learn from each other.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> There is a whole bunch of books on chastity from Catholic writers. I recommend:
> Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West,  Holy Sex by Gregory  Popcak and Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden.
> 
> ETA: I hope no one is thrown off by the fact that the writers are Catholic.      I honestly don't know of many Protestant writers tackling issues on sexuality.  I also read books by Protestant authors as well.  We can learn from each other.



Adding 
I hope not because I don't know of many PP tackling this topic as point blank and I listen to some Protestant  preachers like Paul Washer Joel Osteen and  others. If they have a good message and are true to the word of God The Bible I'll give them a listen as long as their not bashing and have a intelligent and charitable way of presenting their material, I have no problem with it.

Btw Paul Washer has a good series on bilical womanhood and biblical manhood on YouTube check him out. He
Deals with this too. 

*If You Really Loved Me: 100 Questions on Dating, Relationships, and Sexual Purity
By Jason Evert 


http://www.amazon.com/You-Really-Loved-Questions-Relationships/dp/0867169095

Biblical womanhood 



Biblical manhood 


*


----------



## Maracujá

The Holy Spirit and choosing a mate:  (I like that it discusses the more natural side of being in a relationship)


----------



## Lucia

I was feeling discouraged I know it was an attack of the enemy trying to bring me to bitterness and despair with lies.  I called a family member and we prayed over the phone.
I tell you that after our father and we got into some psalms a weight lifted off.

The devil IS a LIAR ! And he will not steal my joy even if my life's not perfect even if I'm not perfect with Jesus I will be victorious Amen!

Keep praise on your lips especially when it's hard because I have seen small everyday graces and miracles from the Lord even when I wasn't keeping up with practicing my faith.

Proverbs 3:5-7

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
on your own intelligence do not rely;
6 In all your ways be mindful of him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes,
fear the Lord and turn away from evil;


Luke 1:36,37

Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month.
*37*For nothing is impossible with God."

Matt 18:18,19

"Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.


----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> The Holy Spirit and choosing a mate:  (I like that it discusses the more natural side of being in a relationship)





Wow I really liked what he had to say he went deep no superficial stuff.  I believe it's true most of us leave God out or of our dating marriage decisions or compartmentalize this is Jesus territory and this is mine you know what I mean.
Its a very secular way of thinking and being. I know I should have leaned on Jesus more in the past then I actually did we need to take our limits off of God.


----------



## Lucia

Well secular news outlets are kind of sounding "old fashioned "  lately j/k



http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2015/05/01/why-men-wont-marry.html


----------



## ItsMeLilLucky

That was a very interesting article. They actually made some valid points.





Lucia said:


> Well secular news outlets are kind of sounding "old fashioned "  lately j/k
> 
> 
> 
> http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2015/05/01/why-men-wont-marry.html


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

I was reminded of this by @Belle Du Jour  post previous page. Thanks Belle.
Also Pslams is quickly becoming my go to when in prayer.

Be encouraged  check out @Shimmie  thread Marriage Prayers for singles. If you haven't and it's worth a revisit absolutely awesome thread that should be a sticky.

https://www.longhaircareforum.com/t...-it-is-gods-will-for-you-to-be-married.96564/


Psalms 136

*His Steadfast Love Endures Forever*

136 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

4 to him who alone does great wonders,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
5 to him who by understanding made the heavens,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
6 to him who spread out the earth above the waters,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
7 to him who made the great lights,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
8 the sun to rule over the day,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
9 the moon and stars to rule over the night,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

10 to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
11 and brought Israel out from among them,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
12 with a strong hand and an outstretched arm,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
13 to him who divided the Red Sea in two,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
14 and made Israel pass through the midst of it,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
15 but overthrew[a] Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
16 to him who led his people through the wilderness,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

17 to him who struck down great kings,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
18 and killed mighty kings,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
19 Sihon, king of the Amorites,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
20 and Og, king of Bashan,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
21 and gave their land as a heritage,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
22 a heritage to Israel his servant,
for his steadfast love endures forever.

23 It is he who remembered us in our low estate,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
24 and rescued us from our foes,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
25 he who gives food to all flesh,
for his steadfast love endures forever.

26 Give thanks to the God of heaven,
for his steadfast love endures forever.


----------



## luthiengirlie

Before I read the rest of the thread... I wanted to say that I've been healing from Molestion and Abuse and Rape from childhood to Adulthood.. I have the past two years realizing how deeply it's affected me.. I am trying to heal from that.. I never had an honest  true to goodness relationship.. I was beginning a relationship with the Most High at 18.. then later at 18 I got raped.. then it started another cycle for me over again.. now I"m.. trying to work on the relationship again with the Heavenly Father and.. I still desire to be married.. I'm in a relationship right now.. but he doesn't see a future and for me that hurts deep.. so I'm just navigating..a nd I'll read the thread now


----------



## Lucia

@luthiengirlie 

God bless you! None of what happened is your fault at all. Remember that Jesus loves you, always. 
If you haven't already and you find its too much to tackle on your own  you might look for some Christian based counseling to deal with what happened.  Good local church might have some referrals. 
Working on your relationship with Jesus is always a good step. 


Matthew 6:33 

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## luthiengirlie

Its hard.. Its made the relationship  with G-d very erratic.. I'm trying to stabilize things.. please put me in your prayers


Lucia said:


> @luthiengirlie
> 
> God bless you! None of what happened is your fault at all. Remember that Jesus loves you, always.
> If you haven't already and you find its too much to tackle on your own  you might look for some Christian based counseling to deal with what happened.  Good local church might have some referrals.
> Working on your relationship with Jesus is always a good step.
> 
> 
> Matthew 6:33
> 
> Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

*Becoming Esther*

Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months in oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king....Esther 2:12-13

I have always been amazed at the kind of preparation that the future queen Esther had to go through before she was able to come before King Xerxes. Would any of us want to go through twelve months of beauty treatments before meeting the man of our dreams? Probably not, but then again, imagine the possibilities. One year set aside for one sole purpose - becoming all you can be for the one you love the most. Precious time to cultivate beauty, to make an investment in education and etiquette, to strengthen virtue, and build character. The preparation of Esther reminds me of that precious time between the awakening of desire in a young woman’s heart to share her life with a mate and the moment she walks down the aisle. For many, this time of preparation is seen as nothing more than a time of waiting. Single women often see themselves as sitting on the shelf while life passes them by, or as sitting on the bench while others play the game. They do not realize that they are wasting the most important time of their lives, they are robbing themselves of great joy and reward, they are robbing their future husbands of a more virtuous woman, and they are robbing God of a servant through whom He desires to do great things. 

As Esther had to be prepared before she could be queen of an entire realm, so the woman must be prepared before she can embark on one of the most important and difficult callings in life - marriage and motherhood. Esther had to learn the ways of the kingdom to which she belonged, she had to learn the manners of court life, the intellectual, emotional and spiritual challenges of high position. To put it simply, Esther had to be transformed from a young lady into a queen before she could wear the title and fulfill the role. In the same way, the single Christian woman must learn the ways of the Kingdom of Heaven before she ever unites with the one that God is preparing for her. She must be prepared intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, not by court attendants in some pagan temple, but by God Himself, His Word, and by other godly women who have been prepared before her. Singleness is not a waste of time or a sitting on the sidelines, but a time that God has set aside especially for the woman, to make her into what He wants her to be, and to use her in ways that just might be impossible after marriage. Singleness is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her future husband and the world something more than just a pretty face. Remember in your singleness that you are not the only one single, but your future husband is passing through the same stage as you. Would it not be a terrible thing to finally meet the man who is to become your husband only to find out that he has used his singleness to serve God and to prepare himself to be a better husband for you. And yet you did not use the freedom of your singleness to serve the Lord, nor did you take advantage of the training that God offered you?

Would it not also be a terrible thing to realize that your husband spent his days as a single man praying daily for your needs and the work of God in your life, while you neither prayed for him, nor responded to the grace of God that was given you as a result of his prayers. It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a husband. 

That special someone who is just perfect for her in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty. By no means is it a tragedy to be a single Christian woman, but the way of the world has once again infiltrated Christianity with the false idea that it is. One of the greatest lies is that if you do not .have someone. or are not .actively looking., there is something wrong with you. Another lie is that the single woman should be dating around as though looking for a husband were the same as shopping in a mall. Still another even stronger lie is that the single woman should be giving her affections away indiscriminately so that she may be more experienced.

And know what to do when she finally finds the man of her choice. My dear Christian, it is a lie and an affront to God to say that experience is the best teacher, when in fact it is God who is the best teacher, and though the world.s motto is .live and learn,. the Bible.s advice is .learn and live.. You do not need to be experienced, you only need to be knowledgeable of what God has said and obedient to it. You should not be looking for the man of your choice, but should be waiting on the man of God.s choice. And when he comes, it will not be past experiences that will make your marriage work, but past chastity, purity, and godliness. We should hide our faces from the ways and experiences of this wicked world and look upon only those things that God has placed in the path He has prepared for us. God knows exactly what you need and He even knows the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves surprises. He does not want you to be looking for your husband, He wants to bring him to you, and probably at a time you least expect it. If you disobey this advice, as so many other women before you, and take it upon yourself to look for a mate, you may find someone, but chances are that someone you find will not be the right one. As women, our nature desires the company and companionship of a man. This is from God and therefore good.

But at the same time, we are wrong to think that death will be the result if this need is not fulfilled. Needing another as a companion is not like needing to take your next breath of air. That is, you can survive without companionship, at least until God has done His perfect work in you. Remember the Scripture.God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.. (I Corinthians 10:13) I have found that there are two primary reasons why someone .desperately. needs someone else. First of all, it is because they do not know God as they should. Is God not the God of all comfort? Is not Christ the exalted Lord who fills all things everywhere? Then why do we complain about how empty and alone we feel? Could it be that God extends our time of singleness so that we might find our life in Him and learn to be complete in Him? If we seek to be married because we feel that a husband will fill our lives or will in some way make us complete, we will be sorely disappointed in our marriage. 

No man, no matter how Christ-like could ever take the place of God in our lives, to think such a thing is pure idolatry. If we are not filled by God now and complete in Christ in the present, then not even a marriage made in heaven will be able to change our emptiness. The second reason for desperately needing someone in our lives is plain selfishness. When we need someone in order to feel loved, or when we need someone so that our feelings of loneliness might dissipate, then we are wanting marriage for all the wrong reasons. Marriage should not be looked upon as an opportunity to have our needs met, but as an opportunity to meet the needs of another. If we have not learned to take our own needs to God, then we will probably overwhelm our husbands with our own needs and be unaware of his. 

I have known Christian women who spent their days consumed with their own needs and constantly lamenting about why God had not brought someone into their life. But why should God entrust a godly man to a woman that is absorbed in herself and her own needs, and does not use the freedom of her singleness to serve God and prepare herself for His purposes?
Such a woman would have little to offer a godly husband! My dear friend, being single, like being married should be considered a very special and enjoyable time in the providence of God. It should not be considered a mere circumstance or a curse from which one should try desperately to flee. Being single is a time to learn of God and of ourselves, a time to discover who we are in Christ, and to grow in Christ likeness. It is a time to be zealous for good works and involved in ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not return. There is nothing quite so sad as a woman now married who regrets what she could have been and done with her life while single. All was lost for the sake of hurrying to be married without consideration for the plan or work of God.

Every season in life has a beauty and wonder of its own. My prayer for all single Christian women is that they might enjoy their time in spite of the lies of the world. That they might be demanding and not settle for anything less than the perfect will of God. That they might wait patiently on God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift. That they might be like Esther, using whatever time God deems necessary to make them beautiful on the inside and out.

*The Godly Woman *
“A wife of noble character who can find?...”

“... She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”* Proverbs 31*

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.. *1 Samuel 16:7*

_*- by Charo & Paul Washer*_


----------



## Lucia

^ ^^ preach it!!!  Let all the people say


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2A8703C1B5F9D79E


Womens session


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

^ have always loved that quote...but sometimes I feel how few men are willing to accept that challenge.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Belle Du Jour said:


> *Becoming Esther*
> 
> Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months in oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king....Esther 2:12-13
> 
> I have always been amazed at the kind of preparation that the future queen Esther had to go through before she was able to come before King Xerxes. Would any of us want to go through twelve months of beauty treatments before meeting the man of our dreams? Probably not, but then again, imagine the possibilities. One year set aside for one sole purpose - becoming all you can be for the one you love the most. Precious time to cultivate beauty, to make an investment in education and etiquette, to strengthen virtue, and build character. The preparation of Esther reminds me of that precious time between the awakening of desire in a young woman’s heart to share her life with a mate and the moment she walks down the aisle. For many, this time of preparation is seen as nothing more than a time of waiting. Single women often see themselves as sitting on the shelf while life passes them by, or as sitting on the bench while others play the game. They do not realize that they are wasting the most important time of their lives, they are robbing themselves of great joy and reward, they are robbing their future husbands of a more virtuous woman, and they are robbing God of a servant through whom He desires to do great things.
> 
> As Esther had to be prepared before she could be queen of an entire realm, so the woman must be prepared before she can embark on one of the most important and difficult callings in life - marriage and motherhood. Esther had to learn the ways of the kingdom to which she belonged, she had to learn the manners of court life, the intellectual, emotional and spiritual challenges of high position. To put it simply, Esther had to be transformed from a young lady into a queen before she could wear the title and fulfill the role. In the same way, the single Christian woman must learn the ways of the Kingdom of Heaven before she ever unites with the one that God is preparing for her. She must be prepared intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, not by court attendants in some pagan temple, but by God Himself, His Word, and by other godly women who have been prepared before her. Singleness is not a waste of time or a sitting on the sidelines, but a time that God has set aside especially for the woman, to make her into what He wants her to be, and to use her in ways that just might be impossible after marriage. Singleness is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her future husband and the world something more than just a pretty face. Remember in your singleness that you are not the only one single, but your future husband is passing through the same stage as you. Would it not be a terrible thing to finally meet the man who is to become your husband only to find out that he has used his singleness to serve God and to prepare himself to be a better husband for you. And yet you did not use the freedom of your singleness to serve the Lord, nor did you take advantage of the training that God offered you?
> 
> Would it not also be a terrible thing to realize that your husband spent his days as a single man praying daily for your needs and the work of God in your life, while you neither prayed for him, nor responded to the grace of God that was given you as a result of his prayers. It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a husband.
> 
> That special someone who is just perfect for her in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty. By no means is it a tragedy to be a single Christian woman, but the way of the world has once again infiltrated Christianity with the false idea that it is. One of the greatest lies is that if you do not .have someone. or are not .actively looking., there is something wrong with you. Another lie is that the single woman should be dating around as though looking for a husband were the same as shopping in a mall. Still another even stronger lie is that the single woman should be giving her affections away indiscriminately so that she may be more experienced.
> 
> And know what to do when she finally finds the man of her choice. My dear Christian, it is a lie and an affront to God to say that experience is the best teacher, when in fact it is God who is the best teacher, and though the world.s motto is .live and learn,. the Bible.s advice is .learn and live.. You do not need to be experienced, you only need to be knowledgeable of what God has said and obedient to it. You should not be looking for the man of your choice, but should be waiting on the man of God.s choice. And when he comes, it will not be past experiences that will make your marriage work, but past chastity, purity, and godliness. We should hide our faces from the ways and experiences of this wicked world and look upon only those things that God has placed in the path He has prepared for us. God knows exactly what you need and He even knows the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves surprises. He does not want you to be looking for your husband, He wants to bring him to you, and probably at a time you least expect it. If you disobey this advice, as so many other women before you, and take it upon yourself to look for a mate, you may find someone, but chances are that someone you find will not be the right one. As women, our nature desires the company and companionship of a man. This is from God and therefore good.
> 
> But at the same time, we are wrong to think that death will be the result if this need is not fulfilled. Needing another as a companion is not like needing to take your next breath of air. That is, you can survive without companionship, at least until God has done His perfect work in you. Remember the Scripture.God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.. (I Corinthians 10:13) I have found that there are two primary reasons why someone .desperately. needs someone else. First of all, it is because they do not know God as they should. Is God not the God of all comfort? Is not Christ the exalted Lord who fills all things everywhere? Then why do we complain about how empty and alone we feel? Could it be that God extends our time of singleness so that we might find our life in Him and learn to be complete in Him? If we seek to be married because we feel that a husband will fill our lives or will in some way make us complete, we will be sorely disappointed in our marriage.
> 
> No man, no matter how Christ-like could ever take the place of God in our lives, to think such a thing is pure idolatry. If we are not filled by God now and complete in Christ in the present, then not even a marriage made in heaven will be able to change our emptiness. The second reason for desperately needing someone in our lives is plain selfishness. When we need someone in order to feel loved, or when we need someone so that our feelings of loneliness might dissipate, then we are wanting marriage for all the wrong reasons. Marriage should not be looked upon as an opportunity to have our needs met, but as an opportunity to meet the needs of another. If we have not learned to take our own needs to God, then we will probably overwhelm our husbands with our own needs and be unaware of his.
> 
> I have known Christian women who spent their days consumed with their own needs and constantly lamenting about why God had not brought someone into their life. But why should God entrust a godly man to a woman that is absorbed in herself and her own needs, and does not use the freedom of her singleness to serve God and prepare herself for His purposes?
> Such a woman would have little to offer a godly husband! My dear friend, being single, like being married should be considered a very special and enjoyable time in the providence of God. It should not be considered a mere circumstance or a curse from which one should try desperately to flee. Being single is a time to learn of God and of ourselves, a time to discover who we are in Christ, and to grow in Christ likeness. It is a time to be zealous for good works and involved in ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not return. There is nothing quite so sad as a woman now married who regrets what she could have been and done with her life while single. All was lost for the sake of hurrying to be married without consideration for the plan or work of God.
> 
> Every season in life has a beauty and wonder of its own. My prayer for all single Christian women is that they might enjoy their time in spite of the lies of the world. That they might be demanding and not settle for anything less than the perfect will of God. That they might wait patiently on God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift. That they might be like Esther, using whatever time God deems necessary to make them beautiful on the inside and out.
> 
> *The Godly Woman *
> “A wife of noble character who can find?...”
> 
> “... She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”* Proverbs 31*
> 
> Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.. *1 Samuel 16:7*
> 
> _*- by Charo & Paul Washer*_



I have to do better with this.  My desire for a husband comes from a very selfish place and marriage isn't about that.  I need to realize that this future husband isn't supposed to fill any voids... only God can truly do that.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> ^ have always loved that quote...but sometimes I feel how few men are willing to accept that challenge.



Fulton Sheen was THE  man of God for his times
I need to look at his video and read his books ASAP

Sarah Swafford in the women's session was awesome they all we're moving.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Fulton Sheen was THE man of God for his times I need to look at his video and read his books ASAP Sarah Swafford in the women's session was awesome they all we're moving.



I love him. He needs to be canonized.


----------



## bellatiamarie

I'm so tired of having to put on my proverbial "big girl panties" everyday and go out into the world without having any help.  It's exhausting. I'm exhausted.


----------



## felic1

@bellatiamarie.   It seems that I am pursuing work a great deal. My every day job is part time. I look for something on weekends or special off days. People do not seem to understand that I am tired. I have to lie down when I get home. Lie down for some hours......my panties are large also. God makes a way for me but I am bushed. We must go on. It will get better. Merry Christmas!


----------



## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> I'm so tired of having to put on my proverbial "big girl panties" everyday and go out into the world without having any help.  It's exhausting. I'm exhausted.



@bellatiamarie
That's because we weren't meant to do it all alone. But keep on Jesus is sending us back up.


----------



## Lucia

Womens session




Men's Session





Him: I was reading the bible the book of numbers and I didn't see your number, can I have it?
Her: Ew
Him: How rude of me not to introduce myself my name is Will, Gods will for your life
Her: Mom can we trade seats ?


----------



## Lucia




----------



## mz.rae

Ladies I am so hurt right now, like I am trying to hold back tears!! Ok so yesterday me and my SO didn't get to spend any time together because his family wasn't getting together for Christmas per usual which was fine I understood. And he just wanted to spend Christmas having a chill day and said we could hang out the day after Christmas and exchange gifts then. His phone is off, but he would call me from his alternate number. Well today comes, and I haven't heard anything from him all day, no explanation, no nothing! Right now I am at the point where I am DONE with him, I am planning on blocking both numbers from my phone. I don't care to hear any explanation he has and don't want to talk to him ever again! He can get lost, this has happened one time too many, and it's even sad because we just had a conversation about communicating better with each other. He is too old to act like this and I am out of time and patience having to coach and hand hold someone 6 years older than me through a relationship!

I am just hurt because I was really looking forward to today...


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Peace to you @mz.rae 
I'm sorry you are going through that.


----------



## Maracujá

For some reason, lately God has been leading me to look at some of the more natural traits that a man may be looking for in a woman. I really liked this list of men between 25-55 who were asked what they find appealing in a woman:

Intelligent
Confident, a woman who knows her value and worth.
Friendly, outgoing, and fun loving.
Clothing, a fashionable dresser but leaves something to the imagination.
A woman who takes care of herself; hair, nails, etc.
A woman that challenges a man to be the best he can be.
Since we don't know when we'll finally be with our earthly husbands, it's best to invest in traits that are timeless, this has also been guiding both my physical and inner beauty regimen AND the way I dress.


----------



## LovingLady




----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

I think the bridal mikveh is a very beautiful Jewish tradition : http://www.mayyimhayyim.org/Using-the-Mikveh/Marriage

http://www.kveller.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-mikveh/

Anyone know any Christian brides that did something similar?


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://scribblesnthings.blogspot.com/2013/02/praying-for-your-future-spouse.html?m=1


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://30daychallenge111.com/stories/waiting-for-gods-best/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/11-13-13/ruth


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> I think the bridal mikveh is a very beautiful Jewish tradition : http://www.mayyimhayyim.org/Using-the-Mikveh/Marriage
> 
> http://www.kveller.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-mikveh/
> 
> Anyone know any Christian brides that did something similar?



I've never heard of it until now. I don't know about anyone doing that as a Christian never heard anyone mention it either. Sounds interesting.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> http://30daychallenge111.com/stories/waiting-for-gods-best/



Beautiful testimony.


----------



## Divine.




----------



## Belle Du Jour

The woman who wrote this book: http://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Girl...id=1452616238&sr=8-1&keywords=catholic+single

is now engaged...at 40.  Look at God!


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


>



Thank you.  I was down today and this encouraged me.  I also spent 1 hour in His presence in the Blessed Sacrament.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour




----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

Repost old thread 


https://www.longhaircareforum.com/threads/how-satan-stops-our-prayers.674655/


----------



## Lucia

Part deux 

http://alovelycalling.com/prayers-for-future-husband-2/


----------



## mz.rae

After a conversation I had in the random thoughts thread, I am thinking about the role of a provider. I am realizing it is more than just about money and material things, but I am also beginning to look at how a man handles himself when has nothing. Do they step up to the plate? Or do they just bog everything down on the woman? And do I want to be married to a person who handles situations in that particular way. It's a difference between a successful marriage versus an I'm going down and I'm taking you down with me, crash and burn type marriage.


----------



## Skyfall

...


----------



## Lucia

Currently reading has some very good points.  It's easy to read and not heavy on verse quoting kind of a good way to introduce people to Gods plan for dating without sounding too preachy. IMO 

How to find your soulmate without loosing your soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert.




http://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-Soulmate-Without-Losing/dp/0983092303


----------



## Lucia

Ok just throwing this out there.
From 3 different people who consider themselves good people and Christians.
Keep in mind that I'm single, unmarried and traditional 

Random comment: why don't you just have a baby?

I laughed it off, said after I GET married. But seriously though that came out of nowhere.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

Verses quoted or Referenced 

Matt 12:43-45 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew 12:43-45&version=DRA;NIV

a man he walketh through dry places seeking rest, and findeth none.

44 Then he saith: I will return into my house from whence I came out. And coming he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished.

45 Then he goeth, and taketh with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is made worse than the first. So shall it be also to this wicked generation.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 

3 All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven.

2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to destroy, and a time to build.

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance.

5 A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather. A time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.

6 A time to get, and a time to lose. A time to keep, and a time to cast away.

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew. A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.

8 A time of love, and a time of hatred. A time of war, and a time of peace.


Proverbs 4:23 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Divine.

How is everyone doing? Are we embracing this season? Are we having trouble being content? Do you want this season to just be over?

I'm STILL overcoming being rejected from the last guy I was talking to. It's been such a long journey, but I have finally gotten to a place where not speaking to him doesn't impact me. I'm not completely over the sting of rejection but I am doing my best to move forward. I am living my life without him and I'm okay


----------



## bellatiamarie

Not embracing it all lol.  I feel like I want to be married but still don't think I'm ready.  I don't even know what "ready" looks like.  I have not been preparing like I should.


----------



## Divine.

bellatiamarie said:


> Not embracing it all lol.  I feel like I want to be married but still don't think I'm ready.  I don't even know what "ready" looks like.  I have not been preparing like I should.



I know what you mean. I want to bring more into a marriage than a pretty face. I want to be way more established than I am right now before I meet someone. The same expectations I hold for my future spouse are the same for me.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Divine. said:


> I know what you mean. I want to bring more into a marriage than a pretty face. I want to be way more established than I am right now before I meet someone. The same expectations I hold for my future spouse are the same for me.



I understand.  I think I'm looking for somebody to share some of these burdens with  in essence I know I need to cast my cares on Jesus.  I'm just a little over pulling this wagon alone.


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## Divine.

bellatiamarie said:


> I understand.  I think I'm looking for somebody to share some of these burdens with  in essence I know I need to cast my cares on Jesus.  I'm just a little over pulling this wagon alone.



Same here! It would be nice to have someone help carry the weight.


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## mz.rae

......


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## mz.rae

Sometimes I really regret that me and SO go to the same church.


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## Divine.

mz.rae said:


> Sometimes I really regret that me and SO go to the same church.



"Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" Amos 3:3

I would meditate on that verse.


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## mz.rae

Divine. said:


> "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" Amos 3:3
> 
> I would meditate on that verse.


Thank you, I am just tired of the constant whining from him every Sunday about how late the services are (We start at 1 and get out at 2/230). Which he knew this before he joined, so I don't know why he keeps bringing it up. I am tired of the constant comparing of other ministries, our church has only been around since November so of course it's not going to have or be like a church that's been around for 5-10 years and he should know that from experience because our old church was a start up ministry. And it really ticked me off how he did about this group we were in at church. He doesn't want to be apart of the group anymore (which is fine) due to feeling like it's immature and wanting to do more Deacon like things and wanting to see where God wants him to be. All of this he is telling me after service and after he didn't show up to the meeting on Sunday. And I am telling him that he needs to talk to the Pastor and tell him that he no longer wants to be apart of the group. Because they have assigned him to certain roles that he said he wanted to be apart of and if he wants the Pastor to make him a Deacon how does it look if he stops coming to meetings with no explanation of how he isn't interested. And it isn't for me to be telling the Pastor either. That doesn't show that he is dependable or good at communicating. And now he is talking about wanting to do all this research on what they do with the money and asking questions because he doesn't want to make the same mistakes he did at the previous ministry that closed. And I am just thinking aren't all these things stuff you do before you join a ministry not after?
All in all I am pretty fed up with him, he has made me dread service with him. I started attending this church a month before our old church closed and I felt like I could grow and serve here that I didn't feel at the previous church. He didn't start coming till after the old church closed. Now I just feel like I made a mistake joining that I should have went somewhere else and all that feeling of serving has been replaced with being critical of a ministry that I enjoyed being a part of. And I feel he wouldn't be acting this way if this were the Pastors from our old church. Like I am to the point of just telling him to find his own way to and from church or to just find somewhere else to worship because clearly he has so many issues with this ministry.


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## Divine.

@mz.rae If you two are seriously courting (working toward marriage), I think it's better to discuss church business during the engagement period. If he doesn't want to be apart of the church you're currently at, I would let him find his own church home. It's not a requirement for you two to go to the same church. Or even go together for that matter. If meeting him there makes you feel better, I would do that for the time being.

Now if you two previously agreed that you would find a church together, you guys may need to go back to the drawing board. You have to agree on the direction you're going in or else there will always be tension.


----------



## mz.rae

Divine. said:


> @mz.rae If you two are seriously courting (working toward marriage), I think it's better to discuss church business during the engagement period. If he doesn't want to be apart of the church you're currently at, I would let him find his own church home. It's not a requirement for you two to go to the same church. Or even go together for that matter. If meeting him there makes you feel better, I would do that for the time being.
> 
> Now if you two previously agreed that you would find a church together, you guys may need to go back to the drawing board. You have to agree on the direction you're going in or else there will always be tension.


Thank you again!! Now that I think about it I really do believe that us going in with the mindset that we have to do these things together has caused more problems that wouldn't be if we did some things separately.


----------



## Lucia

Divine. said:


> How is everyone doing? Are we embracing this season? Are we having trouble being content? Do you want this season to just be over?
> 
> I'm STILL overcoming being rejected from the last guy I was talking to. It's been such a long journey, but I have finally gotten to a place where not speaking to him doesn't impact me. I'm not completely over the sting of rejection but I am doing my best to move forward. I am living my life without him and I'm okay



It's been ups and downs but I've been praying a lot and reading Gods word a lot. I also put more stuff on my plate working out, reading studying the word, and more work hours via my side hustle, picked up a new hobby on purpose so my mind is not wandering and I am good and tired every night. I don't have time to be sad if I feel a sadness I think of all I have to do and snap out of it. Confession and adoration have really helped me in the really low points also different lay speakers and pastors some Ive posted and recently this message about how to avoid being ungrateful has helped me a lot.


----------



## Lucia

mz.rae said:


> Thank you again!! Now that I think about it I really do believe that us going in with the mindset that we have to do these things together has caused more problems that wouldn't be if we did some things separately.



You're not married yet so you don't have to go to church together every Sunday I do think it's better on some level if you do but it's not necessary.  Let him find a church he's happy with then go check, it out with him see how you like it but continue where you are for now. You could go to each other's churches together Every other week or find some happy compromise. In the future you will have to revisit the question of which church you will be a member of and serve in.   I think if I had a SO he would have to visit my church and I would have to visit his and then we'd have to make a choice later as a married couple. JMO but even when you're married you have to have some things you and he do separate on your own so you come back with a fresh perpective and don't smother each other. I don't believe in that we must do everything together you can do some stuff independantly but of course he has to know where what and who?  Hth


----------



## mz.rae

Lucia said:


> You're not married yet so you don't have to go to church together every Sunday I do think it's better on some level if you do but it's not necessary.  Let him find a church he's happy with then go check, it out with him see how you like it but continue where you are for now. You could go to each other's churches together Every other week or find some happy compromise. In the future you will have to revisit the question of which church you will be a member of and serve in.   I think if I had a SO he would have to visit my church and I would have to visit his and then we'd have to make a choice later as a married couple. JMO but even when you're married you have to have some things you and he do separate on your own so you come back with a fresh perpective and don't smother each other. I don't believe in that we must do everything together you can do some stuff independantly but of course he has to know where what and who?  Hth


Thank you so much! And me and him ended up talking about it and he said he does enjoy the ministry and being there and feels we have worshipped together for years and that is what keeps us strong together. He feels weird when we worship apart.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

1 Col 1:11
May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.


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## Lucia

http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/10/the-lord-told-me-he-was-one.html#.VuZYB_A8KrU


Tuesday, October 16, 2012



(Me & my hubby toasting in Africa last month!)
I get this question a ton-- people say, "The Lord told me that so & so was the one," so I figured that I would address it in my blog.
Let me tell you my quick husband story. My husband and I attended the same church. I was extremely active in ministry as I was a part of the Media Team, Dance Ministry, Women's Ministry, Prayer Counselor and the Special Events Team. I was busy about pursuing God. Granted, I kept me a boyfriend on the side here & there but for the most part--_ I was committed to Christ._ I attended the church in New York-- my now husband attended the church in Atlanta (same church, two locations). He would always travel with the pastor because at the time, he was his assistant and right hand man. So, every Saturday, the pastor and Cornelius would travel to New York and I would always see this young guy in a suit running around-- looking all serious! Was I attracted to him? I mean, I thought he was cute-- but he was always so serious and like I mentioned before, I kept me a little boyfriend so I always was pretty focused on them._ So we walked by each other for three years_. We both attended the same meetings together and we were even in a room with just 2 other people & spoke briefly just 2 years before we actually started courting.



4 months pregnant at an event 
Three years after walking by each other-- and one day we started talking. I'll be honest with you, I knew within 15 minutes of talking to my now husband that we were going to get married & have a ministry. HOWEVER, 4-5 years earlier than that-- I thought I heard the same thing. I was being introduced to this guy at church and I shook his hand, I heard "That is going to be your husband"--I thought.. HUH? No way! And just kept it moving. A few months later, we became friends-- always hanging with the same group of people and then I started to become attracted to how nice he was. He wasn't my TYPE whatsoever but he was such a nice person-- I almost felt obligated to give him a chance.Plus, I mean.. I "heard" he was going to be my husband right? Mind you-- I knew my purpose. I knew that one day I would be in ministry full time with my husband and do all these things for Christ. _I was confused on how this was going to happen because that relationship began to NOT glorify God._ We started to do things that SEPARATED us from God. And I won't beat around the bush, I told the guy I didn't want to kiss until I get married .. and we ended up fornicating. Then, I couldn't stop! I couldn't find the breaks. Then, what I thought I heard.. I began to not believe. The proof was in the pudding. Our relationship was pushing me FURTHER & further AWAY from God. Our relationship was so far from ...
_Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless._
So as I read that scripture, I begin to weep. I said.. God.. how is my then boyfriend who said he's going to be my one-day husband presenting me? It scared me because I knew the answer. My one-day husband was supposed to PUSH me closer to Christ and I knew that it started in the courting process. Although he said he loved me & we were boyfriend & girlfriend for a long time.. I knew that I became his idol and vice versa. God is clear in Exodus 20:3 t_hat I was to NOT worship any other god but Him. _So although I was saying that God was my God.. and I served in all these ministries and prayed for all these people.. my heart was so far from Him. I called out His name with my lips but went right back into the bed with my little boyfriend and SHOWED God who my real "god" was. It was my flesh. It was my desires. It wasn't GOD. If it was REALLY GOD-- I WOULD HAVE LIVED LIKE IT!!
Long story short, we broke up. God told me over & over again to BREAK IT OFF. I learned that EVEN if you "hear" that a certain guy is the "one"-- you may be WRONG. You may have mis-heard God. The proof is in the pudding baby. God is so powerful, so awesome that He knows in advance EVERY situation and EVERY relationship. He even foreknew who would CHOOSE Him one day and get saved. He knew that guy wasn't my husband!!!!!!!! That was either my emotions or satan telling me that lie. GOD knew my husband was going to be Cornelius & wasn't surprised by it!! It was a DISTRACTION and some of the things we think we "hear" distract us and PUSH us so far from GOD! We get all wrapped up in what we think we heard & then the guy marries another girl .. & then you're all mad at God so you _ignore Him_ & start dating some thug guy that sleeps with you & everything else that moves. Guess what sis?
God didn't tell you that "he" was the one! Why would God tell you that when you cannot be faithful in small things? Why would He tell you that & now its got you ALL messed up because now.. you're trying to throw yourself at some guy to "make" something work that wasn't meant to be!! Why would he tell you something that would replace your desire for HIM for another man?
So, I gotta be honest with you. Like.. _this is sister to sister-- heart to heart_. If you thought you heard God say that about a person-- LET IT GO. Seriously. Let it go. If the relationship is meant to be-- IT will develop with FIRST, the man pursuing YOU. Sadly, you're taking ownership in your mind & heart over a man that doesn't even know your last name. He aint yours baby girl. Your focus must always be on Christ & NOT on the distractions of this WORLD! Your life is much greater than your MARTIAL status & if you don't get up get BUSY about what GOD is calling you to do, you're going to be switching all hard trying to get the attention of somebody else's ADAM! (I talked about "Where is my Adam here-- if you want to read it).
      (our very first date 1/8/2009)




Now, back to the story with my husband and I. Both my husband and I KNEW within 15 minutes that we were going to marry each other. _Neither one of us said anything_. We just talked and talked.. and talked..and talked & got to KNOW each other. We discussed marriage & if I would be willing to move to Atlanta if we got married. We courted with PURPOSE. Sometimes, we tend to get "wrapped" up in what we think "God" said & we start playing house like we're married.. _and you ain't married honey._ On our first date, Cornelius said "I'm not going to kiss you until the wedding day." THEN we set up boundaries. No sleeping together, no cuddling, no kissing on the hand, the cheek, no movies, no NOTHING. We hung out in groups. I didn't dress half naked around him or try to test the standard he set up. Over time, I saw myself developing emotionally._ It wasn't pretty_. Courting
was ROUGH. I began to watch God peel off my layers of heart & show me how jacked up I was through my relationship with Cornelius. Although it was hard.. I was getting better.. stronger, less emotional, less manipulative.. and gosh darn it.. Cornelius was PUSHING me closer to CHRIST! He was doing what Ephesians 5 said to do! The process was HARD but it was so worth it! The proof is in that PUDDING baby! I had PEACE about Cornelius. God told me to PRAY earnestly for him when I didn't' like the way he was treating me. God told me to be sweet with him & love him earnestly. The difference between this relationship & all others is GOD was giving me the HOOK-UP on how to work out my relationship! It was so cool & a BIG change from Him always telling me to break things off!  Finally, GOD had an input!! So, then Cornelius proposed to me 1 year after we officially started courting... 8 months later, we got married. God remained first during the courting, engaged & now as husband & wife-process. He was never on the back-end.
Quick crazy story: While Cornelius & I were engaged, a woman came up to him at church and said "The Lord told me that you're supposed to be my husband." Cornelius said, I'm sorry-- I'm "engaged"-- she said "you aint married yet." When Cornelius told me this story-- my heart broke. I wanted to find the woman & talk to her & explain to her all of the above. _Sis, don't be that girl._ Pinky Promise.

                                                            Our wedding day 8/14/2010



*So I want to encourage you ladies to REST. Sometimes, we want to awaken LOVE before it's time (Song of Solomon 2:7). So calm down sister. If God told you-- He will tell him, *YOU don't need to go running around, telling some man that "The Lord told you that he is going to be your husband." _You're only going to freak him out and embarrass yourself. _Just bite your tongue & stay focused on what GOD called YOU to do. Then, you'll look up and HE will be PURSUING you. Then, you'll smile and laugh with God.
Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!
www.pinkypromisemovement.com

You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store!
www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com

Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!
www.pinkypromiseconference.com
Have you picked up my husband's book? "So, You Want To Be Married?"
www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com
God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey


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## Lucia

http://goodguyswag.com/the-wife-list-10-qualities/










Well, I can sum up most of my friends’ lists right here: 1. Blonde, 2. Skinny, 3. Hot. A few others might include: she likes football, she drinks beer with my buds, and she’s at least a full C. No matter what I write below, that list isn’t going away for some of guys. We’re all stubborn, but we can also be authentic. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way.

Earlier this week, I wrote the article An Uncrafty Guy’s Guide to Making a Vision Board about keeping you visually focused on your dreams.  Should we be specific about the woman we want to marry?  Absolutely. However, make a list with long-term vision. Most of the characteristics we think we want in a wife aren’t ones that make for a good, lifelong relationship. They are characteristics of a woman we want for one night.

Just like character is the most important quality of a good guy, the woman you’re going to marry should have good character as well. When you find her, she is more valuable than anything. Here are 10 qualities of good future wife material:

*1.  She shares your beliefs*

When it comes to finding your wife, I’ve heard “equally yoked.” It has nothing to do with weightlifting for those of you guys who like muscle women. Your potential wife should share common beliefs with you. You may think you can do some missionary dating, and turn that situation around so she will believe everything you do, but you’re probably going to be very disappointed with some bad side effects. If you don’t share core beliefs….good luck.

*2.  She makes you a better man*

If everyday is hell with her, that should be a red flag. Your potential wife should elevate you to _Yourself 2.0_. You can get a good idea from your friends and family. Do they say you act differently in a bad way when you are around her? Not a good sign. She should bring out the best in you, not bring out heartache and frayed nerves.

*3.  She’s trustworthy*

In fact, she should inspire trustworthiness within you. If you don’t trust her, you’re probably making her as bitter as you’re making yourself. Not worth it. If you can’t trust her, maybe you’re not ready to date her or maybe you need to work on confidence issues within yourself. If there’s good reason not to trust her, don’t even go there. Just like any cheater, it’s bound to happen again.

*4.  She has ambition*

She should have strength in character and carry herself with confidence. As a man, you should be the leader in the relationship, but for any dictators who feel justified here; we’re talking servant leadership. You probably don’t want the consummate follower either. She should have plans too. In fact, she should be a hard worker just like you. That doesn’t mean having a job is a requirement. One of my friends is a stay-at-home wife with three kids, and she works harder than any of my friends with careers.

*5.  She’s selfless*

She should care about others. Look at the way she treats her family and her friends. If she’s not close with her family, and doesn’t have any good friends, that’s not a good sign. If you start dating her, much less marry her, you will discover why soon enough. Some questions to ask yourself: Does she care about causes? Does she go out and volunteer? Does she give change to the needy or buy them a meal? These are important characteristics to consider.

*6.  She’s attractive*

In your eyes, she should be a “10.” When my wife walks in the room, I’m awestruck by her every time. She’s beautiful from the inside out. However, I’ve dated “hot” girls who ended up being downright ugly by the time we broke up. Personality plays into attractiveness big-time. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.

*7.  She’s smart*

You’re going to be spending a lot of time with her, so she should be able to hold a good conversation. She should be wise, smart, and give you good advice. Her women’s intuition should be strong. I look to my wife all the time for advice. She’s collected all sorts of wisdom from her mom. She remembers everything. Yes, everything….maybe too much.

*8.  She loves you unconditionally*

If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are, regardless of anything you’ve done in your past. There will be minor adjustments along the way, but if she nags you about your core characteristics, it won’t get any better in marriage.

*9.  She’s responsible*

Does she remember appointments and meetings? Does she flake all of the time? She should already do a good job of managing her own life. If she’s got loads of debt and doesn’t work, you’re going to be taking all of that on. Ultimately, she will have some part in your financial well-being, and guess what? Finances remain one of the leading causes of divorce.

*10.  She gets along with your family and friends*

If she doesn’t even try to connect with your family and/or friends, let her go. She shouldn’t be critical of the people who you love and have been loyal to you throughout your life. There might be cases where your mom doesn’t like your future wife, and that may require your intervention; but in general, she should be a good fit with the people in your life. Marriage is a joining of two lives that existed prior to meeting the other person.

When it comes down to it, you know what you can handle. Love can overwrite any of the qualities above, but having these qualities will certainly make your lives easier once you are married. No one’s perfect. Even with this list, both of you are still going to bring some kind of baggage into the relationship. First start with yourself. Check a few boxes off The Self List. Make sure premarital counseling is a huge priority once you find her. My wife and I did a relationship bootcamp in addition to premarital counseling. One session just doesn’t cut it. Throw everything but the kitchen sink at the most important decision you will ever make.

10 Ways To Win A Girl’s Heart the book is now available.


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## Belle Du Jour

http://emwilsonmusic.com/blog/2016/2/3/the-picture-worth-a-thousand-choices


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## Lucia

O Jesus, lover of the young, the dearest Friend I have, in all confidence I open my heart to You to beg Your light and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Give me the light of Your grace, that I may decide wisely concerning the personwho is to be my partner through life. Dearest Jesus, send me such a one whom in Your divine wisdom You judge best suited to be united with me in marriage. May her/his character reflect some of the traits of Your own Sacred Heart. May s/he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with pure and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please You to entrust to our care. Bless our friendship before marriage, that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely, that our future home may ever be most like Your own at Nazareth.

O Mary Immaculate, sweet Mother of the young, to your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future wife/husband. You are my guiding Star! Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God's Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joys in the next.
Amen.


http://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=497


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## Belle Du Jour

http://emwilsonmusic.com/blog/2014/9/11/vocational-trauma


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## kanozas

Lucia said:


> http://goodguyswag.com/the-wife-list-10-qualities/
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *6.  She’s attractive*
> 
> In your eyes, she should be a “10.” When my wife walks in the room, I’m awestruck by her every time. She’s beautiful from the inside out. However, I’ve dated “hot” girls who ended up being downright ugly by the time we broke up. Personality plays into attractiveness big-time. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.
> 
> 
> 
> *8.  She loves you unconditionally*
> 
> If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are, regardless of anything you’ve done in your past. There will be minor adjustments along the way, but if she nags you about your core characteristics, it won’t get any better in marriage.
> 
> .




Hmmm, let me be in critical-thinking mode...these two are problematic on that list because...what happened to the relationship for her to become "ugly by the end of it" and then loving you unconditionally enough to bypass all your faults to where she just defers without tension at all?  Hm...   This is a kang mentality.


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## Lucia

kanozas said:


> Hmmm, let me be in critical-thinking mode...these two are problematic on that list because...what happened to the relationship for her to become "ugly by the end of it" and then loving you unconditionally enough to bypass all your faults to where she just defers without tension at all?  Hm...   This is a kang mentality.



True, something can't come from nothing. If he's talking about dating a selfish or unsuitable for whatever reason type woman and he finds out later then that's on him he's should have been focusing on her interior qualities early on. 
I see what you mean "iron sharpens iron" just cause you love someone doesn't man you leave them to their negative or bad habits, or accept those habits your spouse is supposed to encourage in some cases even push you to be in a better version of you.


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## mz.rae

I'm waiting for someone so amazing to come along, that being with them feels better than my solitude.


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## Belle Du Jour

I feel like I'm in a new place. I feel really READY.  Like I don't think I actually felt ready before.  I'm like ok Lord, I'm ready for him to come along. It won't be easy and I'm sure it will be scary but I'm ready for it.  Can anyone relate?


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## Kacie

I ran across this blog post (https://lovelimitless.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/the-becoming-series-summary/) which profiles desirable qualities of women in the Bible.  I have no desire for a Ruth-Boaz type of relationship, but after reading Ruth's profile on this blog I'm so inspired to prepare for my mother in love.  I really desire everyone connected to my husband and I to be blessed through our union.


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## Kacie

Belle Du Jour said:


> I feel like I'm in a new place. I feel really READY.  Like I don't think I actually felt ready before.  I'm like ok Lord, I'm ready for him to come along. It won't be easy and I'm sure it will be scary but I'm ready for it.  Can anyone relate?


I don't have that definitely ready vibe, but I feel as if my "to do" list is dwindling down.  Focused on how to love God's people (folks outside of my personal circle) consistently with 1 Cor 13 qualities and time management..


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> I feel like I'm in a new place. I feel really READY.  Like I don't think I actually felt ready before.  I'm like ok Lord, I'm ready for him to come along. It won't be easy and I'm sure it will be scary but I'm ready for it.  Can anyone relate?



I can relate


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> I can relate



Did you feel a difference from before?  I feel like, I thought I was ready 6, 12, 36 months ago but NOW I feel really ready.  It feels different but I don't know how to describe it?


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## Belle Du Jour

http://www.ncregister.com/site/article/the-way-of-life-giving-love-why-a-chaste-engagement-matters


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## Belle Du Jour




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## Kacie

Their blog is http://www.thefuninforever.com/blog


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## mz.rae

There's nothing more insulting than a man who thinks they know so much about you. When all he is doing is making a bunch of assumptions that you are telling him are wrong. Get to know me and listen to what I am telling you.


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## mz.rae

Does anyone feel like if you find more things that annoy you about a person, than things you like about them that it's probably time to just move on?


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## movingforward

mz.rae said:


> Does anyone feel like if you find more things that annoy you about a person, than things you like about them that it's probably time to just move on?




YES!!!  I feel this way in all things.  If I can't find more good than bad, then it's time to move along.   Unless the Lord tells me to be still.


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## LovingLady

mz.rae said:


> There's nothing more insulting than a man who thinks they know so much about you. When all he is doing is making a bunch of assumptions that you are telling him are wrong. Get to know me and listen to what I am telling you.


I have no tolerance for this. I overheard a man say that because a women does her own hair (she's natural) that means she can't afford to get her hair done or she's cheap. I was thinking "Does he know the history between us, our hair, and stylist? Does he know how much our products cost? We are far from cheap." I was so upset and he wasn't even talking to me. 
When I'm asked what do I look for in a man, the first thing I say is "a man that does not assume things about me." Then I go into detail about how I don't tolerate it, and men have lost their chances with me because of it. If he really cares, he will remember what I said.


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## LiftedUp

Hi, happy Sunday and Sabbath for some of us!  I know many of us aren't married yet but I've decided that I'm going to start preparing to be a wife.  That's the end goal right?  I think I'm so worried about being a girlfriend when it's not really what the purpose of all this is.  Yesterday I visited a parish gift shop with the sole purpose of purchasing a book of prayers and a book on St. Joseph.  I saw a couple of books on being a Christian husband,  wife , parent etc.  and kept putting it out of my mind.  But now that I reflect , me seeing those books out of the corner of my eye every two seconds (or so it seemed lol) was not by chance.  So I'm going back tomorrow and peruse.  Hopefully I make it in time for mass as well.  I know definitely that the type of wife I want to be is a good, Christian wife.   So I'm going to start preparing now.


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## Belle Du Jour

LiftedUp said:


> Hi, happy Sunday and Sabbath for some of us!  I know many of us aren't married yet but I've decided that I'm going to start preparing to be a wife.  That's the end goal right?  I think I'm so worried about being a girlfriend when it's not really what the purpose of all this is.  Yesterday I visited a parish gift shop with the sole purpose of purchasing a book of prayers and a book on St. Joseph.  I saw a couple of books on being a Christian husband,  wife , parent etc.  and kept putting it out of my mind.  But now that I reflect , me seeing those books out of the corner of my eye every two seconds (or so it seemed lol) was not by chance.  So I'm going back tomorrow and peruse.  Hopefully I make it in time for mass as well.  I know definitely that the type of wife I want to be is a good, Christian wife.   So I'm going to start preparing now.



I agree with you. Becoming a wife starts before one marries and maybe before you even meet the guy! My prayer these days is to become the woman I need to be for my future spouse.  Women were created as a helpmeet so there are probably specific characteristics he needs.  The Lord can teach you about your man.  Also that Proverbs 31 women did good to her husband all the days of her life.  Since I assume she didn't know him from the moment of her birth, I think we can assume that means she had the character of a wife before she met him.


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## LiftedUp

Belle Du Jour said:


> Women were created as a helpmeet so there are probably specific characteristics he needs. The Lord can teach you about your man.



Thanks for your insight, especially this part.  Food for thought!


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## LiftedUp

I went looking for resources and couldn't find what I wanted.  The material I found focused on being a good Christian mother but not wife specifically.  Plan B is to source some online resources.  I also want a good Christian husband of course who can provide in the type of way God would want him to.  I want him to provide in his capacity as head the household.  I want him to lead.


----------



## Lucia

This is from a secular source so keep that in mind


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## Lucia

tlbaby23 said:


> I'm always wondering what God will do in my life relationship wise. Have I met my future husband already or have i yet to meet him? When will I meet him if I havent already, how will I meet him? So many questions! Lol and please tell me im not the only one!
> 
> Its very hard for me because as a nursing student i dont go out, I always have my head in the books. Then when I do want to go out, I dont have many friends. During the summer I was questioning the loyalty of my friends and prayed to God about it and before I knew it, he removed so many people out of my life. So theres that frustration of when I am able to go out and meet different guys, im not going to go alone so I end up staying home.
> 
> As much as i try my best to be patient and let God work, there are those moments where you wonder: where, when, and how Lord so I can be prepared and look my best! Lol. Im going to try my best to stay positive, keep my mind focus on God, and eventually everything will fall in place. God does speak to me and he keeps telling me to be patient and focus on school so I know his Will for me at the moment. I also have a male friend that has the gift of prophecy (he is the real deal, ive tested him lol) and he said it will be a year from now  seems so far away, but if thats God will, then I will obey. Pray for me ladies!



If this guy has the gift of prophesy that's great but don't get wrapped up in what he's said KIM always test the prophets.
You're not alone curiousity can really do a number on us if we let it.
Your first priority is getting through shool graduating and starting your career.
Also don't forget the spiritual, take time to pray read the word and spend time with God as much as you can so it will be easy to ask Him about whoever comes along and you'll be able to docent His voice.
HTH


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## Lucia

sounbeweavable said:


> It's crazy how the devil will use your friends against you. One of my friends from church was being really insensitive and giving me bad, unwise advice today that really upset me and pissed me off. I talked to three separate women with very mature faiths and they made me see that I was right to feel off about that advice because it wasn't healthy and was the devil feeding me lies. I wasn't very nice in my reaction and I apologized, but I know I can't really go to this person for insight anymore because she doesn't have the wisdom or maturity to provide meaningful, godly advice.
> 
> It's rough out there for young Christian women. *shudders*



I hear you I got some really bad unsolicited advice they basically suggested I just have a kid out of wed lock and don't even try to get married or wait for my God appointed husband basically just give up.
Wow the devil is a liar and working overtime to get us to settle
Keep your head up and Jesus in all areas of your life.


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## Lucia

Kinkyhairlady said:


> How does God play into helping us meet our mates? Do you think he orchestrates the chance meetings? I'm so confused on this. Sometimes I think God helps future mates cross paths or uses a mutual party to introduce them but other times I think does God have time to play Cupid? There is so much more going on in the world does he have time to hear the hearts of those wanting a mate to spend their lives with. Sometimes I reflect on my life trying to think did I ever meet someone who could have been a great husband? If so why didn't God help me instead of me screwing things up on my own. I'm just confused and hurt. I really don't get why I'm in my 30s and still not married.



@Kinkyhairlady

Jesus said many times in the bible be not afraid. He also said I am with you.
Try not to beat yourself up over it so much that's the enemy taking advantage of your frustration and amplifying it to confuse and hurt you.

When you have these thoughts rebuke them in Jesus name and think of all the positive points:

God knew these guys better than you he knows if they would be good for you or not and when. Sometimes people have met their husband but the timing wasn't right maybe he or she needs to learn some valuable lesson maybe they were being disobedient and God is waiting on them to stop rebelling and get with the program.

Whatever God has planned for you the way in which He will bring things about you may only know some of it in hindsight after he brings you and your future hubby together. Don't obsess about the who, how, and why pray for him that he grows spiritually career wise knowledge etc. if you're a list person, make your list based on not only the physical but godly traits.
I posted something a couple pages back I think. How God will work things to your good is not for you or me to know.

ETA:
God has a story a plan for you, sometimes we get a feeling or vision about it but everyone  may not Be given a vision.
Also we need to stop trying to forcibly write our own story because we got enamored with a story that we read or heard or saw on Tv or a movie. Yes we have free will to choose but choosing without God is folly.

Maybe the story got to you because it's beatiful story that may or may not be the story God has planned for you.
Ex: Like you meet some kid in HS and you date in college and get married right after graduation. It might be your story, but it might not cause That story isn't  for everyone.  Again I don't know what He has for you but I know it's great cause He is God who created the universe nothing is to gray or too small for Him.

Just because that movie plot romance didn't happen it doesn't mean God doesn't have some godly handsome man and romantic story waiting for you, no one knows if  it's Gods will and you pray on it maybe He will give you a glimpse but again it's according to His will not yours.
Pray for strengthened faith, patience and when someone shows up pray on it and wait for that confirmation He will let you know and have a Christ centered relationship put Jesus as the head of that courtship and He won't steer you wrong.

There's some Heather Linsday posts above tread check those out.


Isaiah 55:8-12

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purposefor which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Also check out various posts in this thread on pages 20-22


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## Belle Du Jour




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## Belle Du Jour

This BLESSED me:


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour




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## mz.rae

Some times I look at other people's relationships and how happy they are and I have to fight the urge to cry. I wonder why am I not as happy as they are in their relationships? Why do I always get the short end of the stick in relationships? I look and see all these women glowing about all the things their SO does for them, and here I am in a relationship where I feel like I am the man. I know looks can be deceiving, and that glitters isn't always gold. That I truly have no idea what is really going down in those relationships, but I just wish for only a portion of what they are feeling. This is the first relationship where I just feel indifferent. The first relationship where I honestly could care less about being around the person. I mean I don't even want to go to church with them anymore! Because I'm tired of having to pick them and drive them around. And now I am at a point where I don't even care that they don't have a car to get to church anymore because I feel my sanity is more important. They're older than me I'm sure they can find a way.

The fact that they just started working a new job doesn't phase me. I just feel like it's too little too late, and I really don't feel like it's going to make much of a difference anyway. My friend just wasn't getting it when I said that I feel I deserve better, and feels like he isn't a bad guy while adding that they couldn't get be in a relationship with him which to me cancels out what they said. I mean he is a nice person, with a cheerful personality. But I feel a lot of people can be nice and mean well, they just get into relationships and are LAZY or shouldn't have gotten into a relationship during the season they are in, in the first place. Because they are going to be nothing but a burden and end up dragging the other person down with them.


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## Lucia

mz.rae said:


> Some times I look at other people's relationships and how happy they are and I have to fight the urge to cry. I wonder why am I not as happy as they are in their relationships? Why do I always get the short end of the stick in relationships? I look and see all these women glowing about all the things their SO does for them, and here I am in a relationship where I feel like I am the man. I know looks can be deceiving, and that glitters isn't always gold. That I truly have no idea what is really going down in those relationships, but I just wish for only a portion of what they are feeling. This is the first relationship where I just feel indifferent. The first relationship where I honestly could care less about being around the person. I mean I don't even want to go to church with them anymore! Because I'm tired of having to pick them and drive them around. And now I am at a point where I don't even care that they don't have a car to get to church anymore because I feel my sanity is more important. They're older than me I'm sure they can find a way.
> 
> The fact that they just started working a new job doesn't phase me. I just feel like it's too little too late, and I really don't feel like it's going to make much of a difference anyway. My friend just wasn't getting it when I said that I feel I deserve better, and feels like he isn't a bad guy while adding that they couldn't get be in a relationship with him which to me cancels out what they said. I mean he is a nice person, with a cheerful personality. But I feel a lot of people can be nice and mean well, they just get into relationships and are LAZY or shouldn't have gotten into a relationship during the season they are in, in the first place. Because they are going to be nothing but a burden and end up dragging the other person down with them.



Well only you can make that decision but think on it and pray on it. If you've done all this and offered it up to God He will lead you to the correct path and decision.


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Did you feel a difference from before?  I feel like, I thought I was ready 6, 12, 36 months ago but NOW I feel really ready.  It feels different but I don't know how to describe it?



Sorry I didnt see this earlier   I must have scrolled past.
I know what you mean when I was right out of school I knew I wasn't ready by any stretch of the imagination.

Then I thought I was kind of ready before but now there's a calmness in my excitement and anticipation of good blessings coming my way. Before I was always worried and anxious mostly wondering how things would come about now I'm letting Jesus take the wheel


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


>



Wow! This was a great lecture. 

@mz.rae have you seen this?


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## mz.rae

Lucia said:


> Wow! This was a great lecture.
> 
> @mz.rae have you seen this?


No I haven't seen it yet, will take a look at it. Thank you!!


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## Lucia

^^talks about fear loosing focus on God and fake "happy" couples on social media you know them


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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Sorry I didnt see this earlier   I must have scrolled past.
> I know what you mean when I was right out of school I knew I wasn't ready by any stretch of the imagination.
> 
> Then I thought I was kind of ready before but *now there's a calmness in my excitement and anticipation of good blessings coming my way.* Before I was always worried and anxious mostly wondering how things would come about now I'm letting Jesus take the wheel



THIS. All of this. I think I finally know what contentment in this season means. I have it.  Jesus is really my true Love. He comes first. I now understand what that means. And my trust has gone to a deeper level...I can't explain it. Even if I never marry I know He will supply everything I need. At the same time, I feel something coming in a big way.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I really like this family.  One of the older daughters is finally engaged. Very encouraging! 

http://wissmanns.blogspot.com/2016/03/she-cant-stop-smiling.html


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## mz.rae

Belle Du Jour said:


>





Lucia said:


> Wow! This was a great lecture.
> 
> 
> @mz.rae have you seen this?



Thank you so much ladies for posting this video! It was exactly what I needed to hear!!! I'm going to check out the other videos that have been posted in this thread!


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## Maracujá

Welp, LHCF called it: I am currently working at a call center with two men whose behavior/lifestyle/work ethic has struck me. The black one is married an has two children. Prior to working at this company, he had a great job but it was outsourced to Australia. All he does is complain all day about how this company sucks. After 8 months of being there, he's now starting to miss days of work, stating that his commute is too long and that he'd rather be spending time with his children. He's only been in Europe for four years now so he's not really used to how things work around here. It reminds me of what some ladies on LHCF have always stated about white collar workers: he's unwilling to do anything else that is deemed beneath him. 

The other guy is white and 42, very attractive but never been married and has 0 children. Apparently he has somekind of living arrangement with his mom where he pays no rent so he only works part time and "enjoys" life for the rest of the time. 

All this just to say, ladies, pray for your man's work ethic.


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## blessedandfavoured

*Five Red Flags for Christians Blinded by Romance*
Here’s your sign! You’re in a bad relationship if…

*…there is abuse in your midst.*
It’s such a common thing that either you’ve heard of it or are caught up in it yourself! What is it? It is the seemingly endless habit many couples have in which they will fight and makeup on a regular basis. Sure! It makes for great movies, but what works for a 90-minute Hollywood hit is a no-go in the real world. When it comes to making up, don’t misunderstand me. It’s perfectly healthy to forgive, but it’s not OK to be unwise. What I mean is this: if fighting in your dating world means hitting, pushing, shoving, name calling, yelling, manipulating, or anything rude that occurs on a consistent basis then, of course, turn walk away. It’s simple. In bad relationships, bad things happen and will continue to happen if you let them. Don’t be stupid; be wise. Wisdom always does now what brings satisfaction later. For you, being smart means that after you leave the relationship you shouldn’t go back! When God gave the Israelites an exodus opportunity, they took it. You should too! If your relationship is even slightly abusive, consider this your sign to exit the relationship NOW!

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” I Corinthians 6:19-20

*…you are living together.*
I assume you know right and wrong when it comes to sins such as lying, stealing, and killing. This article isn’t meant for Bonnie and Clyde couples headed for jail. Rather, I’ll cut to the chase and zone in on those of you caught up in one of the more deceptive, yet prevalent sin in the dating world. More than likely you or someone you know is "messin’ around". You guessed it! Some call it premarital sex; others call it marriage out of wedlock. In case you haven’t heard, God calls it S-I-N. Yeah, I know. It feels so right, and you have every excuse in the world to continue. However, what seems right in the heat of the moment is not worth its cost in the end. When you have sex with anyone other than your spouse, things happen, bad things. It takes one time to lose your virginity, one time to contract an STD, one time to become addicted to sexual immorality, one time for your fiancé’s respect for you to dissipate forever… Get my point? The Bible states that while sin is pleasurable for a season, the after effects are horrible. If you’re living in sin, make a u-turn. Repent and stay pure until you’ve said your wedding vows.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against his own body.” I Corinthians 6:18

*…you doubt the person you are dating is “the one” you are meant to marry and fear keeps you from breaking off the relationship.*

James T. Draper wrote, “Doubt never means yes and always means no or wait a while: God does not lead through doubt. If you can’t get peace, that is an answer.” When God opens the door for marriage in your life, you will know that you know you are with the right person. If you aren’t 100 percent certain that things should progress, you’d better take a time-out from the relationship and pray for God to clearly confirm His will! I know. I know. You don’t think it’s that simple. I know because I’ve been there. If you choose to ignore the unrest in your spirit and continue on with this person you just don’t think you can live without, I’ll tell you what comes next -- excuses! Don’t go so far as justifying staying in a relationship you’ll wish you had abandoned later. Here’s why: in the dating world, thoughts like, “I can’t break up because…,” mean that doubt has given the keys to fear which will drive you down a rough road containing potholes of confusion and bumps of anxiety. If that’s not enough, your joy tank will eventually read empty. If travels down doubt path have you pondering whether or not to proceed in your current dating relationship, allow me to throw out a sign for you which reads, “faith and peace mean go; doubt and fear mean NO!”

…The one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:6-8

*…concerned attitudes surround you.*
Ever turned on the television or radio to catch a sermon, song, or message seemingly written specifically for you? Anyone ever crossed your path leaving a comment or two that spoke directly to your heart? What about people who know you well? Are family and/or friends at all iffy about your decision to move forward with the one you are presently dating? Rather than take a defensive approach to their input, consider that emotions can hamper your ability to see as clearly as those positioned on the outside-looking-in to your life. If it’s true that you don’t want to look back someday after the romantic feelings subside (and they will), and regret you lost (amongst other blessings) valuable time. Then, ask God for discernment as you listen to others’ advice. If what they are saying is consistent with His Word and spoken in love, then imagine His mighty hand gently tapping your shoulder, prompting you to turn from your plans, and take a better path. Consistent concerns are red flags God has lovingly placed in your life to warn you of trouble up ahead! Listen. Learn. Be smart. Break up. Get out of the danger zone.

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear.”Proverbs 25:11-12

*…you’re dating an unbeliever.*
Are you dating someone who does not have a personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ? Most Christians who hang onto a non-believer actually think they are the best chance that their unsaved date will ever have for knowing Jesus? Don’t be deceived. Someone has already coined a word for this false evangelistic strategy. It is called "missionary dating". Christian, you are not Holy Spirit Junior. There are no guarantees in life, and this includes the salvation of your current date. God gives each person free will. He waits to be wanted, and so should you. If you’re a believer dating an unsaved person, your date has not only rejected the Lord but also the Lord living in you. Therefore, he or she does not want ALL of you! You are God’s, and He is jealous for you. Any emotional attachment you have toward a person who is not on the same spiritual page as you, or vice versa, is an unhealthy attachment. Read and learn from those such as Samson of the Bible, and do now what you’ll otherwise wish you would have done later. Heed God’s Word, and be not unequally yoked. Yes, that means break up and move on.

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? II Corinthians 6:14


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## blessedandfavoured

*How to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Christian*
Why "he's a really great, godly guy" is not enough. -  Marlena Graves

What do you do if you're engaged but have serious misgivings about your decision, red flags popping up left and right? Do you a) get married, since you've set a date, sent out the invitations, spent a boatload of money, are too embarrassed to back out, and believe that most people get cold feet anyway? Or b) call the whole thing off until further notice? I think most of us would choose the latter, and would recommend thus to any friend or family member having serious doubts. But in practice, it isn't what we many of us do, and understandably so: Calling the whole thing off is difficult, painful, and risky.

Jennifer Gauvain, a licensed social worker and coauthor of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy, recently reported in the Huffington Post's "Divorce" section that 30 percent of the nearly 1,000 divorced women she surveyed admitted to marrying despite serious doubts they had about their relationships long before the wedding day. According to reporter Katherine Bindley, the website IndieBride.com nowhosts 33,000 conversation threads just about the urge to bolt.

I did.

I broke off an engagement to a really nice Christian guy. When it came down to it, we were incompatible on many levels. I had doubts at the inception of the relationship, but ignored them. Continuing the relationship was my way of trying to force a puzzle piece into a place it didn't fit. As the doubts grew, I tried harder to make the relationship work. However, if I hadn't heeded my gut-wrenching doubts, and paid attention to my mom and _abuelita_'s words, ("he's a nice guy, but not the one for you") and the words of a friend I deeply respected, I would've made the worst mistake of my life. Even so, breaking the engagement and ending the relationship was far from easy.

For a while I balked because I didn't want to hurt the guy and was worried what others would think of me should I call it off. But in the end, I preferred the pain of breaking up with him and potential lifelong singleness over the pain of being married to him. If I had married him, I would've wilted. And now I know I would have forfeited marrying my priceless treasure of a husband, the one person I most love, admire, and respect.

Unfortunately, there are many Christian women (and men) who ignore their gnawing suspicions. They forge ahead into marriages they didn't belong in. Why?

Gauvain lists four overarching reasons cited by the women in her survey: 1) "Age: The self-imposed biological clock is starting to tick a little louder." 2) "Marriage will instantly make the relationship better." 3) "It's my last chance to get married and no one else will come along"; and, 4) "If it doesn't work out I can always get a divorce." I'd add a fifth and sixth reason that are specific to Christian men and women: 5) to legitimize sex, and 6) because of guilt associated with premarital sex or over having conceived a child out-of-wedlock.

I counsel many Christian college students (mostly women, but some men, too) and can't tell you how often I am fit-to-be-tied over their relationships. There are so many instances when I want to bang my head against the wall because they proceed to ignore the red flags they themselves point out or because they admit to pursuing marriage for the wrong reasons (for example, to avoid falling prey to the worst fate imaginable in the evangelical church: lifelong singleness). I think that partially explains why many Christian marriages end in divorce—we ignore the road signs that say "turn back" or "cease and desist." We think that companionship or sex or children will alleviate relational problems. But most often, they only intensify underlying incompability.

Marriage is a holy institution. We should enter into it with fear and trembling, fully dependent on God and the community of Jesus to uphold and guide us in all of our relationships (whether we are single, dating, or married). If we have persistent doubts or if those closest to us, those we most respect, express grave concern, we must pay attention. We cannot let our sexual desires, our desires for companionship, or fear of what others will think keep us from doing what is right and healthy.

Is it better to marry the wrong person or someone we have nagging doubts about rather than stay single? Absolutely not. Granted, singles might quip, "That is easier said than done." And they are right. However, none of us is alone and dependent on our own resolve. We have God and his community to assist us.

Consider this: If we forge ahead, marrying someone we have doubts about, a community of people may become casualties of what could potentially be a mal-formational, death-dealing marriage. Marriage is to be life-giving, an icon of our relationship with God. So let us choose life, for both ourselves and for the people whose lives are closely linked to ours, by paying attention to our doubts and the concerns of our trusted community. We may end up saving a life besides our own.


----------



## kanozas

Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans.  There are many "reasons" to marry.  Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate.  There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find.  Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other.  It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love.  Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment.  It's an act - not a feeling.


----------



## Divine.

kanozas said:


> Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans.  There are many "reasons" to marry.  Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate.  There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find.  Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other.  It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love.  Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment.  It's an act - not a feeling.



This is so true. It's interesting how couples who were married in the 80's/90's didn't really follow a specific formula to find a spouse. There wasn't a science to getting married. Today, there are so many blogs and books on how to find the one it's almost overwhelming. SO much emphasis is placed on finding the perfect or best spouse! We have lists upon lists of expectations. Then when you get married, that perfect facade fades just as quickly as the wedding ends.

Expectations are what's keeping many people single and it's also causing people to divorce. Marriage can be hard regardless of who you marry.


----------



## LiftedUp

Divine. said:


> This is so true. It's interesting how couples who were married in the 80's/90's didn't really follow a specific formula to find a spouse. There wasn't a science to getting married. Today, there are so many blogs and books on how to find the one it's almost overwhelming. SO much emphasis is placed on finding the perfect or best spouse! We have lists upon lists of expectations. Then when you get married, that perfect facade fades just as quickly as the wedding ends.
> 
> Expectations are what's keeping many people single and it's also causing people to divorce. Marriage can be hard regardless of who you marry.



Many of those couples got divorced though that's why I suppose people put so much emphasis on finding the "best match".  They don't end up in the broken home they either experienced or saw.


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## Lucia




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## kanozas

It's a lot easier to divorce these days the sting of stigma has greatly lessened.  Women aren't tied to a men no matter what now, either religiously or socially.  She has options.  That wasn't the case much in the early 1900's.  Around the 30's or so, divorces began increasing?  They increased exponentially with more rights for women.  From the 70's and on, we're at our highest chronologically if we compare decades or quarters of centuries but I think it has to be concomitant with change in marital law (no-default divorce).

I do think there were formulas in the 80's and 90's as women were seeking their educational and professional equals.  We had seen a big surge in attainable wealth (Clinton years) and with the increase in degreed persons, well, women had options and sought those out.  These days, it's so derned nit-picky on who is good and who isn't.  Red flags are important but you can see this shift in how we pick mates.  For a time, it became all about love then it shifted in compatibility and wealth management.  Maybe it's just that we think we're calling it differently but those appear to be the two sides we swing from.  Is it "love" or is it material/education/wealth management compatibility?  

With the social shift on women's issues, their safety, happiness, equality, we shift in how we view marriage and divorce.  I'm not saying that is a bad thing.  No one, imo, should be stuck to an abuser of any type.  Our Catholic Church has allowed for more annulments and has changed its process at tribunal  (?).  There's more mercy on determining what was a valid or invalid marriage these days and not so cut-and-dry.  But people still are just not happy.  We are focused ever more on materialism.  But then again, if you don't focus on material stability, how can you be happy in a marriage?  It needs balance.  And non-married couples setting up  households are greatly affecting marriage as well as sex outside marriage.  I dunno, it's not wrong to use some kinda formula but no man is perfect, ever.  I guess, select the one you want and be committed.  If that bond is broken, you aren't obligated.  Shrugs.  But these nit-picky formulas are irritating lol.


----------



## kanozas

To add to that, some communities are facing serious obstacles to marriage - mindset.  Consider the AA community.  I mean, marriage is truly in danger.  It's the mindset and low self-esteem, racism etc.  People think that Black women don't deserve marriage and promote this attitude of going alone.  It's a mess!


----------



## Divine.

LiftedUp said:


> Many of those couples got divorced though that's why I suppose people put so much emphasis on finding the "best match".  They don't end up in the broken home they either experienced or saw.



My parents are still together, so that's the only perspective I have. There's noting wrong with wanting to marry a man that meets your standards. We just need to be careful in managing our expectations for that man and just our view of marriage in general.


----------



## LiftedUp

Divine. said:


> My parents are still together, so that's the only perspective I have. There's noting wrong with wanting to marry a man that meets your standards. We just need to be careful in managing our expectations for that man and just our view of marriage in general.



My parents are still together as well.  However, my mother was very particular about the man she were to marry so I use that as a benchmark.  However, I've unfortunately seen  failed marriages as well so it contributes to my caution.


----------



## WeirdoBeauty

*raises hand*
May I  interrupt this thread with my teenage love life? I need some support right now.


----------



## Divine.

WeirdoBeauty said:


> *raises hand*
> May I  interrupt this thread with my teenage love life? I need some support right now.



We're just having conversation  Go ahead.


----------



## Lucia

WeirdoBeauty said:


> *raises hand*
> May I  interrupt this thread with my teenage love life? I need some support right now.



You don't need to raise your hand just jump in


----------



## kanozas

The second time around is just as daunting, maybe more.  I'm from a two-parent household.  My mother died first and my father 11 months after her.  They had a long, loving life together.  I'm a widow with 4 kids. .......(eta: because times up lol).
___________

@WeirdoBeauty   Sure, what's on your mind?


----------



## blessedandfavoured

kanozas said:


> Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans.  There are many "reasons" to marry.  *Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate.*  There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find.  Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other.  *It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love*.  Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment.  It's an act - not a feeling.



I agree with you @kanozas, but I think that all the red flags listed are quite serious ones, hence me posting.  It's not like, oh he's really godly, but he's light-skinned and I wish he was a chocolate brother, you know?  Or he likes orange toilet paper, and I like it blue, lol.  

I do think the most important thing is that both in the couple are seeking to know and love God more, and then that will flow into all aspects of their lives.  And if they are following Christ, then they will obey Him regarding their relationships.  But if one is in an abusive relationship, or shacking up, etc, I believe they're heading for unnecessary and avoidable trouble, should they choose to get married.  

I also agree that "options" have contributed to the increase in divorce.  And with the increase has come a level of acceptance/expectation of it that is, frankly, unsettling.


----------



## WeirdoBeauty

to make a long story short(er): he just will not leave me alone. My ex (D) and I actually dated last year for about 7 months and we broke up a couple of weeks after my car accident in Nov. During our relationship, it almost felt like i was dating two people. Either he was always disinterested  or  didnt wanted to talk at all for weeks or days  at a time. (yet would get mad at me for not texting him good morning. Like really?)Or he would get upset he didnt get ft or call me due to my job( i used to work 10 hr shifts during the summer). He lived out of state 10 hours away,so the only way for us to communicate was facetime,texting and phone calls. So you think he would want to  at least text or call me once a day or something similar.  Nope, i would have to text or call him first most of the time after a while. When i brought this up to him, he would just brush it off and tell me he doesn't feel like talking to anyone or he was at work and he inst allowed to text at work (but he would text my brother at while he was at work). Im not saying we have to text all day every day,but dang can at least get GM text or something?!?!?Then during the summer, i got to go to essence fest for my internship. Which was in New Orleans, which was like a 2 hours drive for him. I was down there for 5 days(including the weekend), and he never came to see me and that  really hurt my feelings.Mainly because he got me all hyped up about us spending time together. ( i was free after like 3 or 4 o'clock). Then he processed to ignore my feelings about it  and sweep the problem under the rug like usual. (he doesn't like to deal with issues).Fastfoward to Nov,, i was in a care accident that caused me to miss almost a month of school (my senior year at that) due to a broken leg. During that time, he didn't really support me like  boyfriend should. So i got tried of him so we broke up.Now he has moved back to where I live ( he grew up here) and is staying with my brother. My brother(j) has 2 cell phones( why i don't know) and he(d) has FT me twice using J phone. I have D's number blocked so he can't call me, he can only DM on facebook which i have been ignoring. He just kinda of making me frustrated a little bit because he is 20 years old and im 18,but he acts sooooooo childish since we broke up. I have told him multiply times to leave me alone and we have none thing to talk about because we broke up.( he is one of those people who like to stay friends with  their exs. I don't, i see zero point in it unless you have children together which we dont.)Just want him to really leave me alone,  im busy ok? Im currently taking a online class for school,prepping for my fall classes in college,learning to swim,working, and learning how to drive among other things I have to do. Sir, i need you to take several seats ok? I don't even plan on dating ANYONE my freshman year because i want to stay focus on doing well in school for my program (nursing),which is super competitive at my school.i really dont know a way for him to stop contacting me,he doesn't seem to get it.
------------------------------------------

@Divine. @Lucia @kanozas  yall seemed to be having  a really deep and serious conversation i just didn't want to jump  and irrupt with my foolishness.


----------



## Lucia

WeirdoBeauty said:


> to make a long story short(er): he just will not leave me alone. My ex (D) and I actually dated last year for about 7 months and we broke up a couple of weeks after my car accident in Nov. During our relationship, it almost felt like i was dating two people. Either he was always disinterested  or  didnt wanted to talk at all for weeks or days  at a time. (yet would get mad at me for not texting him good morning. Like really?)Or he would get upset he didnt get ft or call me due to my job( i used to work 10 hr shifts during the summer). He lived out of state 10 hours away,so the only way for us to communicate was facetime,texting and phone calls. So you think he would want to  at least text or call me once a day or something similar.  Nope, i would have to text or call him first most of the time after a while. When i brought this up to him, he would just brush it off and tell me he doesn't feel like talking to anyone or he was at work and he inst allowed to text at work (but he would text my brother at while he was at work). Im not saying we have to text all day every day,but dang can at least get GM text or something?!?!?Then during the summer, i got to go to essence fest for my internship. Which was in New Orleans, which was like a 2 hours drive for him. I was down there for 5 days(including the weekend), and he never came to see me and that  really hurt my feelings.Mainly because he got me all hyped up about us spending time together. ( i was free after like 3 or 4 o'clock). Then he processed to ignore my feelings about it  and sweep the problem under the rug like usual. (he doesn't like to deal with issues).Fastfoward to Nov,, i was in a care accident that caused me to miss almost a month of school (my senior year at that) due to a broken leg. During that time, he didn't really support me like  boyfriend should. So i got tried of him so we broke up.Now he has moved back to where I live ( he grew up here) and is staying with my brother. My brother(j) has 2 cell phones( why i don't know) and he(d) has FT me twice using J phone. I have D's number blocked so he can't call me, he can only DM on facebook which i have been ignoring. He just kinda of making me frustrated a little bit because he is 20 years old and im 18,but he acts sooooooo childish since we broke up. I have told him multiply times to leave me alone and we have none thing to talk about because we broke up.( he is one of those people who like to stay friends with  their exs. I don't, i see zero point in it unless you have children together which we dont.)Just want him to really leave me alone,  im busy ok? Im currently taking a online class for school,prepping for my fall classes in college,learning to swim,working, and learning how to drive among other things I have to do. Sir, i need you to take several seats ok? I don't even plan on dating ANYONE my freshman year because i want to stay focus on doing well in school for my program (nursing),which is super competitive at my school.i really dont know a way for him to stop contacting me,he doesn't seem to get it.
> ------------------------------------------
> 
> @Divine. @Lucia @kanozas  yall seemed to be having  a really deep and serious conversation i just didn't want to jump  and irrupt with my foolishness.



@WeirdoBeauty

Ok so you've already made the decision that he shouldn't be in your life, good because he sounds like he's either slightly effeminate whiny boy,  bi-polar or trying to be a "player" and not smooth about it. Bottom line: he's immature and unstable and frankly ain't nobody got time for that.
Very important: Change your phone numbers, email, any social media he knows you on etc... unfriend him and lock him out of your FB make sure you turn on the strict privacy settings so no friends of friends can see you post or find your stuff. If you're not that active on FB or other social media delete it, then ask your brother to help on his end, and not give the ex boyfriend  your new numbers, and don't update him if he asks what you're doing now.
that you don't want to have anything to do with this ex bf and he needs to act like your brother and help you maintain a healthy distance from this guy for your own emotional healing and good health.

*I have a pet peeve the mans first communication with me after meeting must be a phone call I'm not answering texts if I haven't had at least 1-2 convos with you. IMO it's just too easy for them to juggle multiple women like that they don't have to talk to you just text no personal interaction.

I think you have made some very good decisions so far breaking it off with him, focusing on school/career and working on yourself it the utmost importance now.  But don't forget about Jesus in this walk.

What I would ask you about is how is your prayer and church life?
Are you consistent in that?
Are you giving God His due? How often do you study the Bible?
Are you putting Him first in all things regarding your life?

You don't have to answer these questions on here this is for you to answer in private and see where you are and what you may need to do. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but to even be prepared for a relationship or marriage you have to get yourself to a balanced level, spiritually, mentally, physically and financially. Have a good grasp of what a romantic relationship is for and what marriage is really for as well. (hint: it's not what the secular world tells us).  
No you don't have to be perfect to get a good man but you should be at a point  where you know yourself pretty well and you have your boundaries, self respect, and standards set before any man walked into your life.

I mean like how he will treat you and so on. If a man walks into your life and he's a "pretender" to the throne or he's not your God given husband your strong sense of self, boundaries, respect and values and morals will dictate the type of relationship/courtship you will have, thus weeding out the chaff/pretenders from the get go.

I'm going to suggest some books and resources that have helped me and I hope they will help you as well.

How to find your soulmate without loosing your soul - Jason and Crystalina Evert
http://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-Sou...swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1465007156&sr=1-2

Pure Love- Jason Evert
http://www.amazon.com/Pure-Love-Jas...ID=9VGFNW64G5S9JHJ9Q29F&ref_=pd_cart_vw_1_4_p

If you really loved me- Jason Evert
http://www.amazon.com/You-Really-Loved-Questions-Relationships/dp/1933919248/ref=pd_sim_sbs_14_3?ie=UTF8&dpID=414RttVpvyL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR105,160_&refRID=1PT16NE0RKB8P9J0V7V8

Theology of his/her body
http://www.amazon.com/Theology-His-..._14_img_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0Y67CQ40S45XQFR3X1WV







More on next posts there's a lot but take your time it's all good info. God bless


----------



## Lucia

@WeirdoBeauty 

Also check out various posts in this thread on pages 20-22


----------



## Lucia

@WeirdoBeauty









http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHNNe-LbuiYfXyGysXENaKyqXqfOWFuX5


http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIqWLSSHei6YEyUYr-MbhnftCiDhWH4Yu


----------



## mz.rae

kanozas said:


> Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans.  There are many "reasons" to marry.  Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate.  There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find.  Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other.  It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love.  Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment.  It's an act - not a feeling.





Divine. said:


> This is so true. It's interesting how couples who were married in the 80's/90's didn't really follow a specific formula to find a spouse. There wasn't a science to getting married. Today, there are so many blogs and books on how to find the one it's almost overwhelming. SO much emphasis is placed on finding the perfect or best spouse! We have lists upon lists of expectations. Then when you get married, that perfect facade fades just as quickly as the wedding ends.
> 
> Expectations are what's keeping many people single and it's also causing people to divorce. Marriage can be hard regardless of who you marry.



I really took what you two said to heart. I find that I expect far too much from a person and then get mad or upset at them when they don't meet those expectations. Or a person shows me who they are but I expect that in time they will change as opposed to just leaving them alone. I'm really learning its not fair to expect a person to give more than they can or are willing to give. The person I end up with isn't going to to be perfect, and neither am I. I feel like our strengths and our weaknesses should balance each other out.


----------



## Lucia

@WeirdoBeauty


----------



## Lucia

@WeirdoBeauty

You might be thinking why do I need to know about Biblical manhood ?
Well it's very helpful to know what kind of man you should be looking out for when guys start popping up in your life.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


>





Lucia said:


> ^^talks about fear loosing focus on God and fake "happy" couples on social media you know them




@WeirdoBeauty 

These too


----------



## Lucia




----------



## WeirdoBeauty

@Lucia 
Im definitely going to take your advice on this one.  I plan on talking to my brother  about this later this week when I go to see him. I just finished blocking him on all SM sites  so there can  not be any more communication. I just really want to focus on myself and my relationship with God.  Eventually, i would like to be open to dating/courting to meet my future husband,but only after I have improved myself to the point of being a good wife.
Thank you for the various resources, I have saved some of them but Im going to start going thru this soon.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This video brought me to tears:
http://pulptastic.com/the-whole-world-cant-even/

True love is worth waiting for!


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> This video brought me to tears:
> http://pulptastic.com/the-whole-world-cant-even/
> 
> True love is worth waiting for!



Beautiful!

Wow so emotional that's true love for sure.  I've only been to 1 wedding like that. On the other hand I've been to many weddings where everyone was Just perfect Oscar worthy acting,  cold no real feelings, just going through the motions, smiling (cause they were getting what they wanted) etc but all business. 

No offense  to them but let's say I havent been suprised when they call it quits.


----------



## Lucia

LiftedUp said:


> I went looking for resources and couldn't find what I wanted.  The material I found focused on being a good Christian mother but not wife specifically.  Plan B is to source some online resources.  I also want a good Christian husband of course who can provide in the type of way God would want him to.  I want him to provide in his capacity as head the household.  I want him to lead.



I posted and reposted  some resources unthread about just that. check them out.


----------



## LiftedUp

Lucia said:


> I posted and reposted  some resources unthread about just that. check them out.


Thank you, I will!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Loving Tony Evans:


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Loving Tony Evans:



I needed this message today thanks.


----------



## whosthatgurl

I don't know why, but this season of singlesness is just taking me out, and not in a good way. I feel desperate, and like I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting. 

A friend of mine just was married recently, and the way she met her husband was so hard to believe, but her life changed within a few short months. 

Then while at church today, someone was proposed to... right in front of me.

I'm already going through the separation woes of losing a friend, who I thought would eventually choose me, but didn't/won't.

Trying to be patient and wait isn't cutting it anymore.

Tuh.

Rant over.


----------



## Lucia

whosthatgurl said:


> I don't know why, but this season of singlesness is just taking me out, and not in a good way. I feel desperate, and like I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting.
> 
> A friend of mine just was married recently, and the way she met her husband was so hard to believe, but her life changed within a few short months.
> 
> Then while at church today, someone was proposed to... right in front of me.
> 
> I'm already going through the separation woes of losing a friend, who I thought would eventually choose me, but didn't/won't.
> 
> Trying to be patient and wait isn't cutting it anymore.
> 
> Tuh.
> 
> Rant over.



@whosthatgurl

I have sooooo been there and it still gets to me sometimes today. But this is the wandering the desert phase, God is waiting to see if we will be true to Him or give up and do our own thing and not wait on Jesus. It's a very difficult time especially when literally everyone around you is getting engaged, married, and having babies.

Just last month another recently married freind announced she's pregnant now of course I'm happy for her they've had some difficulties getting pregnant and had to wait a couple years before conceiving.

Worse I know some women who have shacked up and sexed their way into an engagement, while Im single, refuse to shack up and while I'm waiting on my God appointed husband they're wedding dress shopping and venue hoping, I _know_ it's rough out here.

Especially when get togethers come up or family functions, bridal showers weddings etc  and I don't have a plus one and worse when people ask and give that look like she's too picky or what's wrong with her  etc...

I'm not going to lie it bothers me still but I'm happy that they have started going to church, and trying to make their situation right with God.  I'm not saying it's OK to go their route either and then try to force Gods hand to bless something he was not the foundation of.

Of course theres no guarantee that they will even make it to he altar and even less stay married (cause we know those stats) but individually if they get right with Jesus it's a big step in the right direction.

Now does this sometimes make me question and have some doubtful thoughts raised? Yes but I don't dwell on what I don't have yet I dwell on what I do have and thank Jesus for those blessings and the blessings I KNOW will come.

I knew a guy who had all the girls he could shake a stick at and he didn't treat them
All right and honorable, then one day poof, nobody nothing he was in the desert ( he even said it himself) he couldn't pay a girl to take his number yet he was the same person. So he cleaned up his act got serious about his career, God and his life and after a good while in the desert like a couple of years then all of a sudden bam he met a young woman and everything fell into place and they're now married.
That desert time made him get back on track and reflect and change what needed to be changed and only then did God bless him with a wife. If he hadn't changed and met her they probably would be divorced now or never even have gotten married.

So say it confidently and claim it if Jesus has put into your heart that you will be a wife and mother nothing can keep you from it except lack of faith. Lack of or little faith will delay the blessings but they're there waiting on you. The appointed time and place God knows.

Like Pastor Evans said above in the YT lecture pray a bold prayer expecting Gods promises to pass especially if you know you've been living according to His will the best you can.
Gods word will not come back to Him unfulfilled.

I say this little prayer often.
Ask Jesus to give you patience, wisdom and clarity I will say the same prayer for you. Also if you're feeling overwhelmed just say in your mind or spoken Lord have Mercy as many times as you need it.
God bless


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I feel the message I'm getting from God is persevere in prayer. Keep asking but also trust in His way and timing.  He has also been sending me a few tasks to test my obedience...I don't always know where He is leading me or why He may put something on in my heart to do but I try to obey, even if I feel like I'm being hung out to dry lol. I'm using every spiritual means in my arsenal to bring this to fruition.  I trust in Him.


----------



## kanozas

I have a situation...don't comprehend it.  I'm not ready...don't even know if this is to happen.  Sigh.  Living life daily either positive or negative.


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> I feel the message I'm getting from God is persevere in prayer. Keep asking but also trust in His way and timing.  He has also been sending me a few tasks to test my obedience...I don't always know where He is leading me or why He may put something on in my heart to do but I try to obey, even if I feel like I'm being hung out to dry lol. I'm using every spiritual means in my arsenal to bring this to fruition.  I trust in Him.



I sense this as well. I have been praying consistently for my husband as of recently. Not out of desperation, but merely to show my faith in God. I believe he will answer my prayers, so I'm going to keep doing it. 

There's a lot of things God has been showing me, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it here.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Divine. said:


> I sense this as well. I have been praying consistently for my husband as of recently. Not out of desperation, but merely to show my faith in God. I believe he will answer my prayers, so I'm going to keep doing it.
> 
> There's a lot of things God has been showing me, but *I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it here*.



Do you keep a journal?  I write down all the random things I feel God is telling me.  It's either going to be a witness to my insanity  or an awesome testimony of God's faithfulness   I'm believing the latter LOL.  In general, I don't believe in sharing with others what God is sharing with me.  I've asked people for advice in a few instances or prayed over suggestions that people have made to me, but that's about it.  The number one marker for me is a sense of God's peace.  That's when I know I'm on the right track.  

Blessings to you! I'm claiming #husbandsareontheway


----------



## movingforward

Belle Du Jour said:


> I'm claiming #husbandsareontheway





AMEN!!!!!


----------



## Lucia

Divine. said:


> I sense this as well. I have been praying consistently for my husband as of recently. Not out of desperation, but merely to show my faith in God. I believe he will answer my prayers, so I'm going to keep doing it.
> 
> There's a lot of things God has been showing me, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it here.





Belle Du Jour said:


> Do you keep a journal?  I write down all the random things I feel God is telling me.  *It's either going to be a witness to my insanity  or an awesome testimony of God's faithfulness   I'm believing the latter LOL. * In general, I don't believe in sharing with others what God is sharing with me.  I've asked people for advice in a few instances or prayed over suggestions that people have made to me, but that's about it.  The number one marker for me is a sense of God's peace.  That's when I know I'm on the right track.
> 
> Blessings to you! I'm claiming #husbandsareontheway



Me too   
I keep a prayer journal as a gift to future hubby I keep up with it off and on.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## mz.rae

SO finally got a car!! I'm happy for him, but at the same time I feel like its too little too late.


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> Do you keep a journal?  I write down all the random things I feel God is telling me.  It's either going to be a witness to my insanity  or an awesome testimony of God's faithfulness   I'm believing the latter LOL.  In general, I don't believe in sharing with others what God is sharing with me.  I've asked people for advice in a few instances or prayed over suggestions that people have made to me, but that's about it.  The number one marker for me is a sense of God's peace.  That's when I know I'm on the right track.
> 
> Blessings to you! I'm claiming #husbandsareontheway



I do keep a journal! I have several at this point lol sometimes when I go back to the things I wrote, I can't believe how they came to pass pass! And I'm claiming that too


----------



## Maracujá




----------



## kanozas

We can be so lost in this game.  Stop treating men like your fetish.  There are no knights in shining armour.  Stop being the fetish of men.  You are a human being.  Stop being the side-chick promised a commitment and you're giving up all the goods.  What does it profit you to have a civil marriage and his family doesn't even include you or maybe doesn't even know you exist?  Be the best, expect the best, demand the very best.  Don't put up with nonsense either.  Not all "marriage" are valid.  Learn what it truly means.  SMH.


----------



## mscurly

whosthatgurl said:


> I don't know why, but this season of singlesness is just taking me out, and not in a good way. I feel desperate, and like I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting.
> 
> A friend of mine just was married recently, and the way she met her husband was so hard to believe, but her life changed within a few short months.
> 
> Then while at church today, someone was proposed to... right in front of me.
> 
> I'm already going through the separation woes of losing a friend, who I thought would eventually choose me, but didn't/won't.
> 
> Trying to be patient and wait isn't cutting it anymore.
> 
> Tuh.
> 
> Rant over.




I haven't been on these boards in a while..... needless to say I'm still single, still praying, and still waiting on God for my husband.

It's not easy so I totally relate to what you are saying. I had a breakdown a few days ago and just started crying. So many people at my church are becoming couples, getting engaged, married, etc. Sometimes I can't help but be like God when is it my turn?

It's been frustrating because I actually like this guy at my church but I feel like it's not progressing. We flirt with each other, he always tells me how great I look, it seems like he's interested but he never makes a move to ask me out. I don't understand this.  I'm not going to make the first move because I don't believe in that but I also don't want to wait around for him to make a move either. 

I've been praying about this situation and asking God for clarification.  Honestly I'm okay if he's not my husband because if he's not then we need to stop flirting with each other and just move on. 

I feel like it was easier to wait when I wasn't interested in someone. I don't know what this is......


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## Lucia

Abandonment and Rejection 

Source
http://lifeapplicationministries.org/Session10.1.htm

(This session has been updated May, 2016) 

MORE teachings on discerning the enemy's tactics. We are talking about abandonment and rejection here, which is one of the enemy's wiles, but there are many more. Be sure to access these other teachings for a full spectrum so you can recover yourself from the snare of the devil and be free (2 Timothy 2:24-26)

Abandonment and Rejection are wide spread in America today, and many don't even know they have fallen victim to these. While many others know exactly what this means and have lived with it, yet not really knowing how to get out of it. So for both instances, I believe this segment of teaching is going to help you, just as it did me when God set me free.

It has taken me personally a number of years to come to knowledge about Abandonment and Rejection, and only now seven years later (January 2005) that I am able to really conduct a teaching on it. All of the sessions that I provide on this website, and all of the teachings I do in ministry is done after I've seen these principles become real in my own life. That gives me a deeper understanding of the issue so that I can teach with conviction and hope to the hearer.

Let me start with the reason I teach on these two together. I put Abandonment and Rejection together because I realized that they both work hand-in-hand. Many years (the past seven) I've been dealing with rejection. I knew I was feeling rejection almost every day. I tried not to feel rejected, I've been ministered on the lines of rejection, and I even thought I was completely free, then to only realize I wasn't. You know what I mean, something would happen, and I would "feel" that pain of rejection again only to have to start over figuring out what my deal is. I don't need to "figure it out" any longer.

This is where I am today, I don't need to "try" anymore to be free, I am. That is why I feel I can teach on this subject with some clarity and truth. I had to stop working so hard on rejection, because I was just going around in circles. I had to first deal with abandonment.

Let's first look up the words in the Webster's Dictionary:

Abandonment: From the word Abandon which means: To forsake entirely; as to abandon a hopeless enterprise. To renounce and forsake; to leave with a view never to return; to desert as lost or desperate. (Synonyms: desert, forsake,leave, quit, forego, give up, take leave of. Evacuate) Abandonment then means: "A total desertion; the state of being forsaken."

Rejection: From the word Reject which means: To throw away as anything uselessness or vile; to cast off, to refuse to grant, to refuse to accept. Rejection then means: The act of throwing away, the act of casting off or forsaking, refusal to accept or grant.

From these definitions, can you identify which one you have? Which one seems to be stronger in your life? 

Let's go a little deeper on this subject. I'll use my life as an example, since I had to see my own issues first in order to be healed.

Below lists some manifestations of when someone has been abandoned somewhere in life. Take a moment to reflect on each and every one of these. Remember, the first step to healing is to "recognize." 

Here are some high tell signs that you have the "spirit of abandonment" in your life:


Being ignored by someone you love 
Left alone, no one to help, especially by those whom should love you 
Having to take care of yourself 
Not able to trust anyone, including God 
Thoughts of having been left alone by God 
Having been left by a parent or guardian 
Having been adopted 
Having been made fun of by peers, children, family members 
Having been left to fin for yourself by friends, co-workers, and those of authority 
Having been a scape-goat
Here are some high tell signs that you have the "spirit of rejection" in your life: 


Feeling that you don't belong 
Feelings of unworthiness and no value 
Feelings of uselessness 
Feelings of not being loved and accepted 
Feeling that you aren't important, nor your needs 
Feeling that no matter what you do, it's not good enough 
Fear of man 
Perfectionist 
Driven to perform to be loved 

The differences are clear. The Abandonment is an "act" the rejection is the "feeling" or "response" to the act.

This is not a complete list, because I'm sure you can add to the list based on your own experiences, but these are the areas I had problems with in my life. And let me tell you that as long as these are inside a person, the very opposite of what we desire will happen.

You may wonder why no one likes you, or it's hard for you to make friends, it is more than likely that your own feelings of rejection are rejecting them! Your own feelings of abandonment, causes them not to want to come into a relationship with you. After all, if we don't come into a good relationship with ourselves, how can we expect others to?

I've heard so many people say, "But I'm a good person." Yet there is so much havoc in their lives. This person is self-deceived because we have to be a "good person" to ourselves first before we can be to others. But let's take a quick peek at what God says about being a "good" person.

There is non-good, no not one. Even Jesus said, "Why call me good. There is only one that is good and that is God." So in reality, when someone says, "But I'm a good person" they are self-deceived and the truth is not in them. Once we realize that we are all in this together, that we all have frailties and weaknesses, that we still have a long way to go in our Christian life, then we have a good chance at getting where we want to be. 

Jesus did hear the words so important to us too, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased." God did not say, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased "because" he is good." 

We are loved first and foremost in spite of ourselves. We must get that truth in our heart so that we don't have the need or driven ness to perform for love and acceptance. It will never be "good" enough. Never. But the miracle of God's love is that he loves us anyway! That pushes through all the sacred cows and wrongful teachings of our youth to see a truth that sets us free! So we can simply "be" ourselves without fear of rejection.

Until we understand this truth, that God has not abandoned us, never did, never will, we'll stay in a state of fear and feelings of rejection.

I know, many of you are saying, "But you don't know what I've done, or where I've been, or what I've said." True, so let me ask you a question. Are you a believer? Do you believe that Jesus died for your sins? Have you received Him as your Savior? If you have, then you are righteous. I didn't say "good", I said righteous. Be sure you have those two words defined clearly because they are different, and mean different things. We get the "good" mixed up thinking in order to be righteous we have to be good! Don't make that mistake again!

The only requirement for you to get God's approval and seal on your life is to believe. The Holy Spirit "seals" us until the day of redemption. So, then why are we so messed up still? Because we never really "received" the full pardon for ALL our sins in our own thinking. We haven't really taken that "one or two" things that we did to God yet by coming before Him, and we really didn't "believe" He could forgive that "one" thing. So even though we believed God to save us, to forgive us of some of our sins, we haven't been able to really believe God to forgive us of ALL our sins. I've taught on much of this in the sessions on the web, so be sure to go over them if you are uncertain of your stand with your Heavenly Father as His son or daughter.

Ok, back to the Abandonment and Rejection issue.

I'm going to teach you by sharing my story. For many years I have had the feelings as I listed previously. I knew I had rejection, but it wasn't until much later that I realized I had abandonment. I thought about it and thought about it, I asked God, "Where did this all start?" Because if you know anything about ministry, we need to identify the "door points" which means to identify when this started in our lives. So of course, it all went back to childhood. That's where I got my first experience with rejection. I write about this in my book "A Matter of the Mind" where a Sunday school teacher made fun of me in class in front of all the other kids. From that point on, I lived under that "fear of rejection" for the rest of my life. But abandonment didn't get exposed until a few years ago. I don't even really recall how that came to pass, all I know is that as you begin facing things in your life, the Lord brings things up that need to be dealt with before going on to the next thing. I knew I had abandonment but I never really understood how to get rid of it. Well, it came. As I began thinking about this incident about the Sunday School teacher, what she really did was abandoned me. The feelings of rejection came after. But I never saw that until now! So of course, the "strong man" of abandonment was hidden behind the "feelings" of rejection, and that's why up until now I've struggled in that area. The 'spirit of abandonment' thought he had a home in my life for good. But He was wrong.

Then as I though more on this, I had realized that I was abandoned by my earthly father. I knew this was it because after listening to Pastor Henry's tapes on "The Father's Love" (Pleasant Valley Church, Thomaston Georgia) it came to me. You have to realize that I've listened to his teaching tape, and even heard this teaching in person over and over, however, it wasn't until "now" that the revelation came that changed my life. (You then ask, why now? - I'll tell you - because I wasn't at the point of being ready to receive the truth. There were other areas in my life that had to be healed before I could be healed from abandonment.) God does things in order. 

Here's my story: Pastor Henry Wright was ministering the father's love to every person, one at a time in the meeting that was being recorded on the teaching tape. One phrase stuck out like it never did before and I said, "that's it!" See, he tells each person the same thing, because each person needed to hear it for themselves, and directed to them specifically. He would say this:

I want to take responsibility for your earthly father. I want you to forgive me for not telling you I love you. I want you to forgive me for being silent to you. BINGO! I stopped there and something happened inside me. What was revealed is that the result of my father not talking to me or paying attention to me, was that I felt ignored. 

I heard those words for the first time in a way I never heard before. And then Pastor Wright said the following:

I don't know why your father couldn't tell you or wouldn't tell you, but I'm going to take the responsibility now for him and ask you to forgive me. Do you forgive me? Then he would say, "You will hear these words today:

"I love you"
"I'm so proud of you"
"I'm glad you were born"
"You are a good daughter" 

These words replaced that void in my life. I had to believe that if my earthly father had a good relationship with me, I would have heard him say these things to me growing up. I had to take these words in for my own and believe that. I had to realize that my father never heard these words spoken to him, so how could he speak them to me? I had to see the truth. 

My Father in Heaven is my Father, and He says these words to me as well. "Linda, you are my beloved daughter in whom I am well pleased."

The results of this have been tremendous. I cannot even write down each and every time I have the opportunity to "feel" rejection that it wouldn't come! I wouldn't "feel" any pain. See the feelings of rejection are linked to the fact that we felt we were abandoned, or even truly so. Rejection is a manifestation of the abandonment. Because many are abandoned today, it's not a feeling. It's a fact! Rejection is the manifestation that comes out of being abandoned. That is why I never really saw my freedom from the feelings of rejection; I didn't know I had to be free from abandonment first! (My people perish for lack of knowledge Hos. 4:6)

I'll share one story with you as a direct result of being freed from those spirits. And I want to tell you something. "Whom the Son has set free is free indeed." And I don't believe that only means in the hereafter, it also mean completely now! In some of my teachings, I talk about not "trying" to do this or that. Well when someone is completely free, they don't even have to mess with "trying" any longer because they just do it! I'm living proof that this is true, let me share a testimonial with you.

I was working one afternoon later than usual, and as I left I thought I would stop by someone's office and bid him good night. I began the conversation with him, but much to my surprise he never even turned around to look at me. His back stayed to me the whole time I was standing there. I even asked a question a little louder, thinking he didn't hear me. But to no avail. That was a blatant act of abandonment. Being ignored, right? And guess what, I didn't "feel" any pains of rejection whatsoever. Now the fact that I was abandoned was real. But the spirit was no longer in me to make me "feel" it! That is freedom! And to take it one-step further. The next day when I saw him it was as though he never even rejected me and we just worked together as though it never happened. Now whether he realized it or not was not up to me, that was between him and his maker. My job was to forgive him of his act toward me and go on! Let me tell you that this was HUGE! You may have just experienced it today. Someone ignored you or rejected you and you got a deep pain in your inners. Wouldn't it be nice that no matter what anyone did to you, you wouldn't feel that pain????

Then because I knew what he did was not right, I forgave him. I didn't forgive him to get rid of my pain, I didn't have any, I forgave him because he needed to be forgiven, and that's what God has commanded us to do. Forgiving others is two fold, it not only keeps our relationship right between our Heavenly Father and us, and it keeps relationships restored between others and us as well. (For more information on forgiveness, go back to the teaching on the website.)

Many instances of being ignored and rejected happened all day long for almost a week. One opportunity after another, and I do mean all day long! But I could only laugh because I was free. I wasn't "trying" to not feel rejection any longer, I just simply wasn't'. And I believe because now that I am free, I realize that I've been given rejection opportunities all along, it's just now that I'm free I won't have any part of it. And that spirit is going to go have to find someone else to bug.

Then because of that, I have been able to respond back to a person correctly, not through any pain of rejection (which of course can result in all kinds of wrong responses.) And better yet, WITHOUT FEAR OF MAN! Many of my rejection experiences happen at work. The need to be perfect was out of that fear of being abandoned and rejected. That need to be liked and accepted was out of that fear of being abandoned and rejected. See how it worked in my life? I wonder if it's not true for you, especially if you are still dealing with this.

And the opportunities of being abandoned and rejected don't only happen out there in the workforce, but in our own homes. The devil uses those closest to us, those we love the most to cause us to "feel" rejection because he knows that by causing a separation will keep us in his grasp. This is another testimonial of what happened between my husband and I.

My husband came home from work late one night and I was so happy to see him. I hugged and kissed him and then ran back into the living room to finish watching a movie on TV. Then I ran back to him in a few minutes and did the same thing. This time he kind of backed off and looked at me with eyes that said, "what do you want?' I then said, "I'm glad to see you, I really need you." And then I went to bed.

Now there was a huge opportunity to "feel" rejection. He did in fact reject me, and in times past I would get all hurt and pouty and have to deal with that for hours. But this time it was so different. After he said that, I just went on my merry way, and went to bed. He came to bed and asked me if anything was wrong. I said, no, not at all, why? He said, "no reason." Then we went to sleep.

The next morning was when I realized what took place the night before. We talked about what happened because my husband said something strange happened to him. He actually "felt" rejection! He was surprised because he never feels that. He knew it was a spirit that jumped on him, but from where? I then understood. I couldn't be tempted to "feel" rejection any longer, so the enemy decided to jump on Tom. After Tom realized what happened, he did tell it to go and was set free, but that was a new one on him. He said to me, "So you didn't answer your phone this time?" I laughed because he was right. I didn't allow that feeling to even come through the door of my heart. 

Another incident: My husband was planning a trip to be gone for a couple of days, I was alone, but guess what? I wasn't feeling rejected!!! Then something else came to me during the night while I was lying in bed alone. I wasn't in any fear of being alone! Why? Because God was there, he has not abandoned me to myself! God's perfect love cast out all fear. But then to go on to say, that because that spirit of abandonment is gone, I no longer feel fear of being alone either! What a bonus!!!!

Let me tell you a truth. I will continue to be abandoned (ignored) but I can now be abandoned without the pain of rejection. That is freedom! I can't stress it enough how free that is. I no longer carry "what they did" to me everywhere I go. As a matter of fact, I've become more bold and courageous. I am making decisions and doing things at work that I'm no longer fearing the outcome. Because even if the outcome wasn't right, I still couldn't feel rejection!!!! THAT MY FRIEND IS FREEDOM!!!!!!

Ok, let me get down off the clouds and offer a prayer of deliverance for you.

"Father God, you are so wonderful. So loving and kind to your children. Father I ask that each of your children reading this prayer now begin to get a deeper revelation on your love for them. Father, if they have recognized they have been living under the spirits of rejection and abandonment, I pray you give them hope of being free, even today. Help them to see that you have not abandoned them. You have not ignored them. You love them. And you think well of them. Help them to see where their abandonment issues began and who was involved and forgive them. If they have been abandoned by their father or mother, or abandoned by any one else, I pray that this area be filled with you. For you have not abandoned them, you have adopted them to be your own. Help them see that even though they may have been ignored or that their father was silent to them, that they see this and confess this to you, that they confess this pain to you now. And I pray that as they confess this that you heal their broken heart. Let them know that if their father on this earth could have said what they needed to hear, he would have. But since he didn't, that they hear these words from you right now, "I love you, I am proud of you, I am glad you were born, and you are a good son/daughter." Let them be filled with this truth, remove all pain and hurt from their lives and set them free NOW in Jesus name from the spirits of Abandonment and Rejection. I believe you are doing a mighty work specifically for each person reading this. You see each one right now who is seeking you, who wants to know you, who are determined to follow you. Free them Lord so they can go onto other things in their lives with a healthy attitude. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."

Something to think about: It took me years to get to this revelation in my life, but it only took seconds for Him to heal me and set me free. Don't blame God by your long journey to health; he is there to instantly heal. The long journey is us getting the truth in our hearts, seeing through things, understanding something's, we need to continue looking inside of ourselves, because I can tell you that God is "quick" in the spirit, and will respond once we have the "truth" revealed to our hearts that helps unlock the door leading to health. Jeremiah 5:25, Isaiah 59:1-2.

Another facet to look at is I Samuel 8:7 "They have not rejected you, they have rejected me." Sometimes we are rejected because of whose we are! That's when we need to pray and forgive all those who reject us, not taking it personally (when you have dealt with the abandonment and rejection issues in your own heart) because the Bible is clear that we will be rejected at times. Jesus was rejected and abandoned, but the thing that kept Him going was the fact that God was there. Yes, in Jesus' case, God did abandon Him to the cross so that we never will be abandoned. Jesus took on that abandonment and rejection so we won't have to. So if your heart is healed in the area of rejection, and you are rejected, forgive, because they aren't rejecting you, they are rejecting God.

Grief (new insight): Something else happens when we are abandoned and rejected. Grief follows! Let me share a story:

I had an experience where I was abandoned by someone I truly loved and cared for. But because of their insecurity in my being able to go off on my own in ministry, they were offended. I never heard from this person again. It was as though they dropped me like a ton of bricks. I tried contacting this person several times without any response. I truly was abandoned! It hurt for several days. But then I worked through this through forgiveness, and I released them. Or... so I thought! But it wasn't over. Yes, I forgave them truly from my heart, and I was becoming very successful in this ministry and helping lots of people, then one day something happened. I began working with another person, who was at one time close to the "first" person, and I began seeing the same patterns. I became fearful of losing this person's friendship and the "old" feelings of abandonment from the first person surfaced. I cried and cried as the pain came to the top. But the second person didn't abandon me. He was open to me, and I spoke my heart about my fear. Of course, we talked things out, he assured me we woud always be friends, and I cast out the fear. However, the pain was still nonetheless because of that first person. Then my friend said something to me that gave me my complete break-through. He said, "You did forgive when it happened, that is for certain, but you were still grieving over the loss of that friendship." Oh my, that was it! I was crying because of the loss. The hurt was there because of the loss of that relationship. Once I saw that, which I was blinded to before, I repented for *ungodly grief and asked the Lord to heal my broken heart. And He did. I was healed, restored, and now have a clean mind and heart twoard the first person, without pain! I truly was made free.

So I realized that even though we recognize we have been abandoned, and that rejection follows, grief also follows. So we need to be sure to address that with the Lord as well so you don't have that issue buried deep inside without you knowing it.

If you need further ministry along the areas of abandonment, rejection and grief, call out to God, He understands and can provide what you need for help now. If He then leads you to contact this ministry, then please do so, we are here to help.

*REMINDER*

I will remind you at the end of each session to stop and reflect on what you have learned, not rush on to the next teaching before it has had time to really do a work in your heart. All head knowledge is only going to cause you to be top heavy! We need to allow time for the seeds planted to grow and take root into our hearts. We not only need the "knowledge" but the understanding. Understanding gives revelation, and revelation makes it a reality in our own lives. Not just head knowledge, but heart knowledge that changes us. By doing this, you are "receiving." We not only need to "know", we need to "believe and receive."

Praising God is crucial to having all you learn take permanent residence in you. We remain in peace when we are strengthened in our spirit and that happens when we thank the one we are doing all this for.

And lastly, all work and no play is not scriptural. If you become overwhelmed or "heavy" spirited, stop and take a breather. It reminds me of flooding. If the water comes too quickly it doesn't have time to absorb into the soil, causing flooding and all that water is wasted. But if the water comes softly, and just enough that the ground absorbs, then it does great good!

*Ungodly grief is grieving without trusting God. Because grieving is a natural process when we grieve out of loss for that person. But it becomes ungodly when we stay in it for years because we fell into fear, or abandonment, or doubt and unbelief towards God. Because when someone dies or we are separated from someone, we have to believe all things work together for Good. And if we don't we fall into sin that has to be repented of.


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## Lucia




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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

Having one of those moments when I'm questioning whether I was really hearing from God...oh well, back into His presence I go! I will continue to press into Him until I feel His peace.


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## Belle Du Jour

God is not the author of confusion but of peace.  I've decided to follow after peaceful situations. If it doesn't give me peace, it's not of God!


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> God is not the author of confusion but of peace.  I've decided to follow after peaceful situations. If it doesn't give me peace, it's not of God!


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## Lucia




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## Lucia




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## Lucia

When Ishmael looks like Isaac


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

Love your new siggy @Lucia! I cussed him out real good the other evening lol. Get back fool!

Anyway, a question for discussion: someone I trust dearly brought this up.  Many men today are broken and don't really know how to pursue. We women may have to put ourselves out there a little more than we would like to because of these reasons. While it's still not wise to chase a man, we may have to get out of our comfort zones and put ourselves on a guy's radar. What say you? When does it cross the line into pursuit?


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## mscurly

Belle Du Jour said:


> Love your new siggy @Lucia! I cussed him out real good the other evening lol. Get back fool!
> 
> Anyway, a question for discussion: someone I trust dearly brought this up.  Many men today are broken and don't really know how to pursue. We women may have to put ourselves out there a little more than we would like to because of these reasons. While it's still not wise to chase a man, we may have to get out of our comfort zones and put ourselves on a guy's radar. What say you? When does it cross the line into pursuit?





You have an interesting point there. My church crush actually said men deal with insecurity too. But then I also come from the school of thought that if a man is interested then he will pursue you. I think simple things like always looking good and attractive can put you on a guys radar. Men are visual even Christian men so lately I always make sure I look pretty and approachable. 

I don't think we should have them out, ask for their number, etc. Men have to be men


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## Belle Du Jour

mscurly said:


> You have an interesting point there. My church crush actually said men deal with insecurity too. But then I also come from the school of thought that if a man is interested then he will pursue you. I think simple things like always looking good and attractive can put you on a guys radar. Men are visual even Christian men so lately I always make sure I look pretty and approachable.
> 
> I don't think we should have them out, ask for their number, etc. Men have to be men



Totally agree! Men should NOT be asked for their numbers or asked out. But I think my friend was getting at how we show our own interest and encourage them to step up. I think the saying that "a men will pursue if he's interested--period" is not necessarily true. Men are different these days and many lack the skill to pursue.  I'm not saying they should get a pass but maybe there are things we can do to maximize our impact?


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## mscurly

Belle Du Jour said:


> Totally agree! Men should NOT be asked for their numbers or asked out. But I think my friend was getting at how we show our own interest and encourage them to step up. I think the saying that "a men will pursue if he's interested--period" is not necessarily true. Men are different these days and many lack the skill to pursue.  I'm not saying they should get a pass but maybe there are things we can do to maximize our impact?




I'm kinda going through this right now.  I feel like I've let him know that I'm interested because we flirt with each other all the time, not in a sleazy way but it's very obvious that we like each other.  But he's not stepping up in the sense that things aren't moving past flirting stage 

Shrugs, I don't know what else to do. I can't show interest any other way outside of holding up a big sign

Honestly I feel like there's nothing else we can do besides dress nicely, light flirting or showing some signs of interest, smiling, etc. 

You feel like men are too shy now or have been hurt too much to ask women out anymore?


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## Belle Du Jour

mscurly said:


> I'm kinda going through this right now.  I feel like I've let him know that I'm interested because we flirt with each other all the time, not in a sleazy way but it's very obvious that we like each other.  But he's not stepping up in the sense that things aren't moving past flirting stage
> 
> Shrugs, I don't know what else to do. I can't show interest any other way outside of holding up a big sign
> 
> Honestly I feel like there's nothing else we can do besides dress nicely, light flirting or showing some signs of interest, smiling, etc.
> 
> *You feel like men are too shy now or have been hurt too much to ask women out anymore?*



My friend suggested that there are SOME men who may need an extra nudge.  They could be great partners but may have a confidence issue in the area of women so they just take themselves out of the dating world because they feel like they don't know what they are doing. And again, I'm not talking about doing their job for them but being a little more direct? I dunno...things seem so complicated now.


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## kanozas

Many men say that when a man wants a woman badly enough, even if he's got one leg, no tongue and half an eye, he's going to drag himself  across that desert and get that girl and declare his love.  He will go the distance and suddenly discover his bravery.  This is usually the case for good men who want her more than she wants him.


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## Lucia

kanozas said:


> Many men say that when a man wants a woman badly enough, even if he's got one leg, no tongue and half an eye, he's going to drag himself  across that desert and get that girl and declare his love.  He will go the distance and suddenly discover his bravery.  This is usually the case for good men who want her more than she wants him.



@mscurly
@Belle Du Jour

I have to agree with @kanozas
Even if he's shy if its Gods timing, will and he's the one then he will have courage or whatever he needs to step up to you when that time is right. Believe that Jesus will send the HS if needed to make him step out of his comfort zone and do what's necessary.

If you're already praying for your future hubby pray that he's given courage so he can step up to you and make his intentions toward you known plain and clear. Like the video of Miriam and Ardy upthread he was unsure but God told him to step out on faith and he did.

If you find that you have to drop major hints and flirt alot then he's probably not interested, he's not your future hubby-so calm down.
Or he is interested but he's not ready, let me say it again HE'S NOT READY! If he has some internal stuff or emotional stuff , shyness, career, job, school or whatever to deal with before being "ready" then God has to deal with him on that and mature, prepare him. It's  not our job to raise a grown man, and we can't martyr ourselves trying to save one either that's Jesus domain to work on his heart. This is how we women start justifying our actions and start sliding down a slippery slope and that can become dangerous. Does he have to be perfect of course not, but  If your a WOG you don't want him before Gods appointed time either it could mean disaster for you both.


There's a difference in flirting and being polite nice kind and approachable. I think being kind and polite is enough of course it doesn't hurt to look cute and smell nice either.   Some people think if you have good manners dress and smell good somehow you're out on the prowl for men that's so not true.  I don't think there is anything wrong with a little encouragement or flirting but only after he makes the first move and shows at least some interest in me on his own.


I don't believe I have to flirt with a guy for him to notice me if he's the one.
Example: Now if I'm flirting overtime then that's just me forcing a guy who otherwise isn't interested in me acknowledging my flirting and let's face it he's a man he's going to respond that attention and flirt back get my number if I offer it regardless of whether he really is into you or not. Then I'm sitting at home wondering why he didn't call after he seemed so into me-really? Come on we're better than that and thats usually what happens when a woman initiates flirting or the first move. Or worse he calls just to pass the time with you and waste your time and his with no honorable  intentions in mind for you.


So we have to be careful there.  All men respond to a woman flirting with them it's like it's genetic or something and they can't help it.

There are many secular books one the rules how to get a man keep him etc and they all pretty much tell wome to not be themselves and act like some perfect prototype in the book or they say follow these rules tips to get him. Those don't work because essentially it's basing your relationship on lies because you're  not being your true authentic self.
And the real you even if you're pretty kind smart etc will come out and he didn't fall for the real you he    fell for the fake you and that will most likely break the relationship.


I like Heather Linsays quote on this she said "if God told you he's your husband God will tell him that too." you don't have to go and tell him that or run around trying to get him to notice you.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Love your new siggy @Lucia! I cussed him out real good the other evening lol. Get back fool



Thanks that's right sometimes you have to call him out !


----------



## Lucia




----------



## kanozas

Actually, I'm of the mindset that if a guy doesn't step up, I lose interest.  I'm not going to be praying anything for him.  It seems true to me that the ones that want you are tripping over themselves to get to you.  Seems that the ones we want aren't.  Male/female relationships....very difficult  and it's too bad the heart has to get in the way or that we feel pressured wondering, "when is my turn?"  It's awful, imo.  I hate feeling those things.  I didn't pursue my husband, he pursued me but looking back, I _should_ have married another as it all turns out.


----------



## Lucia

mscurly said:


> I'm kinda going through this right now.  I feel like I've let him know that I'm interested because we flirt with each other all the time, not in a sleazy way but it's very obvious that we like each other.  But he's not stepping up in the sense that things aren't moving past flirting stage
> 
> Shrugs, I don't know what else to do. I can't show interest any other way outside of holding up a big sign
> 
> Honestly I feel like there's nothing else we can do besides dress nicely, light flirting or showing some signs of interest, smiling, etc.
> 
> *You feel like men are too shy now or have been hurt too much to ask women out anymore?*



No I don't think it's because they've been hurt after they've had time to deal and heal with the pain of that.
I think it's just too many women step to men and take charge of the realtionship from initiation to proposal. They're not letting men be men. It's just too easy for guys now days to get whatever they want from some women without having to initiate, step up, or take any responsibility for anything.

So in turn most men have become LAAAZYYYY!!!  and just let women lead the relationship and lead them around and basically run them. so from the start the relationship is out of order  with Jesus so He then can't be the foundation a realtionship based on rebellious disobedience. And we all know what happens then cheating  separation divorce sometimes even violence. When something is not meant to be there will be hell to pay right here on earth. IMO

I think this has become even more common since a lot of women are on the sexual revolution and  feminist bandwagon. 
I just want to know besides better jobs and the right to vote where we still get paid less how have those movements really improved women's lives? 

Oops I think I went on a mini-rant.


----------



## mscurly

Lucia said:


> @mscurly
> @Belle Du Jour
> 
> I have to agree with @kanozas
> Even if he's shy if its Gods timing, will and he's the one then he will have courage or whatever he needs to step up to you when that time is right. Believe that Jesus will send the HS if needed to make him step out of his comfort zone and do what's necessary.
> 
> If you're already praying for your future hubby pray that he's given courage so he can step up to you and make his intentions toward you known plain and clear. Like the video of Miriam and Ardy upthread he was unsure but God told him to step out on faith and he did.
> 
> If you find that you have to drop major hints and flirt alot then he's probably not interested, he's not your future hubby-so calm down.
> Or he is interested but he's not ready, let me say it again HE'S NOT READY! If he has some internal stuff or emotional stuff , shyness, career, job, school or whatever to deal with before being "ready" then God has to deal with him on that and mature, prepare him. It's  not our job to raise a grown man, and we can't martyr ourselves trying to save one either that's Jesus domain to work on his heart. This is how we women start justifying our actions and start sliding down a slippery slope and that can become dangerous. Does he have to be perfect of course not, but  If your a WOG you don't want him before Gods appointed time either it could mean disaster for you both.
> 
> 
> There's a difference in flirting and being polite nice kind and approachable. I think being kind and polite is enough of course it doesn't hurt to look cute and smell nice either.   Some people think if you have good manners dress and smell good somehow you're out on the prowl for men that's so not true.  I don't think there is anything wrong with a little encouragement or flirting but only after he makes the first move and shows at least some interest in me on his own.
> 
> 
> I don't believe I have to flirt with a guy for him to notice me if he's the one.
> Example: Now if I'm flirting overtime then that's just me forcing a guy who otherwise isn't interested in me acknowledging my flirting and let's face it he's a man he's going to respond that attention and flirt back get my number if I offer it regardless of whether he really is into you or not. Then I'm sitting at home wondering why he didn't call after he seemed so into me-really? Come on we're better than that and thats usually what happens when a woman initiates flirting or the first move. Or worse he calls just to pass the time with you and waste your time and his with no honorable  intentions in mind for you.
> 
> 
> So we have to be careful there.  All men respond to a woman flirting with them it's like it's genetic or something and they can't help it.
> 
> There are many secular books one the rules how to get a man keep him etc and they all pretty much tell wome to not be themselves and act like some perfect prototype in the book or they say follow these rules tips to get him. Those don't work because essentially it's basing your relationship on lies because you're  not being your true authentic self.
> And the real you even if you're pretty kind smart etc will come out and he didn't fall for the real you he    fell for the fake you and that will most likely break the relationship.
> 
> 
> I like Heather Linsays quote on this she said "if God told you he's your husband God will tell him that too." you don't have to go and tell him that or run around trying to get him to notice you.





I agree with you. That's why I NEVER initiate anything. If I am flirting with a man it's only because he started it first and maybe I'm reciprocating if I like him back. But I think it's a horrible idea for a woman to come up to a man and initiate anything romantic be it flirting, asking for number, date, etc. Men have to be men. 

Unfortunately there are women who assume the role of the hunter which God did not design us to be in. It was Adam who discovered Eve after God woke him up. The bible says HE that finds a wife finds a good thing. 

I've heard a few men from my church say that women have asked them out even in not so subtle ways. Like oh so you going to prayer meeting why don't we meet up after service?, stuff like that. I don't think that's a good idea because again if he is interested then he will make that move. 

I believe God has to direct the relationship. That's how I'm dealing with my current situation. I only speak to him when he approaches me. Just like I'm only playful when he initiates that first. All I can do is pray about it and continue to bring my concerns to Christ in prayer. I have no intentions what so ever to EVER say anything to him because as you've stated if I am his wife then God will tell him at the right time. I don't have to say or do anything. 

I also believe that you could have met the person but the timing may not be right. I trust God and His timing in my relationship. It's been Christ led this far so all I can do is to continue to trust God and not make any moves of my own. I can't force anything to happen because then I'll be outside of His will. I've come too far and made too many past mistakes to play anymore games. A long time ago I made a vow to do things God's way not my own. 

Anyways I think I'm rabbling at this point....


----------



## Lucia




----------



## kanozas

Lucia said:


> So in turn most men have become LAAAZYYYY!!!  and just let women lead the relationship and lead them around and basically run them. so from the start the relationship is out of order  with Jesus so He then can't be the foundation a realtionship based on rebellious disobedience. And we all know what happens then cheating  separation divorce sometimes even violence. When something is not meant to be there will be hell to pay right here on earth. IMO
> 
> I think this has become even more common since a lot of women are on the sexual revolution and  feminist bandwagon.
> I just want to know besides better jobs and the right to vote where we still get paid less how have those movements really improved women's lives?



I disagree with this, though.  Men still very much run the show.  Women aren't leading them and them having a voice isn't causing divorces.  Women aren't meant to be silent side-pieces.  We have examples of women in scripture leading.   In my example, I'm just saying that men often want the one not paying them any mind and we often want the one not paying us much mind.  Those are the dynamics of finding someone.   I don't advocate that women have no voice nor take any initiative at all.  Even if a man leads the way to a relationship, doesn't mean they will never divorce, even if they both love Jesus.  My concerns/experience is in giving too much attention to someone not giving much attention back.   Sometimes, you have to know when to move on.


----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> I disagree with this, though.  Men still very much run the show.  Women aren't leading them and them having a voice isn't causing divorces.  Women aren't meant to be silent side-pieces.  We have examples of women in scripture leading.   In my example, I'm just saying that men often want the one not paying them any mind and we often want the one not paying us much mind.  Those are the dynamics of finding someone.   I don't advocate that women have no voice nor take any initiative at all.  Even if a man leads the way to a relationship, doesn't mean they will never divorce, even if they both love Jesus.  My concerns/experience is in giving too much attention to someone not giving much attention back.   Sometimes, you have to know when to move on.



I see what you mean and I agree on that, if they're not into me just KIM. There are no garuntees. And we're partners with men I don't think we need to be silent but we should give a good man his due and not try to take his place as why I referred to the feminist movement and sexual revolution.
But I still have experienced and seen first hand how lazy a lot of men have become and that's regardless of if they're truly interested or not some guys just let women run the relationship and run them.  For me I can't respect that kind of guy at all, no boy mats.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

https://www.reviveourhearts.com/true-woman/blog/how-to-pray-for-a-future-husband/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

https://pairedlife.com/relationships/6-Easy-Steps-On-How-to-Pray-For-a-Husband-and-Get-Results


----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> *In my example, I'm just saying that men often want the one not paying them any mind and we often want the one not paying us much mind.  *Those are the dynamics of finding someone.   I don't advocate that women have no voice nor take any initiative at all.  Even if a man leads the way to a relationship, doesn't mean they will never divorce, even if they both love Jesus.  My concerns/experience is in giving too much attention to someone not giving much attention back.   Sometimes, you have to know when to move on.



Open question to all
Regarding bolded phrase
Do you think it's because of our fallen world and original sin that it has messed up our woman to man dynamics?

Because it's a kind of like self imposed cruelty.
you know she wants him but he wants someone else and vice versa.  I know it's not always like that but it's pretty much the common norm most times.

It doesn't seem like that would be the way it wild be if we didn't live in a fallen world.


----------



## kanozas

Lucia said:


> Open question to all
> Regarding bolded phrase
> Do you think it's because of our fallen world and original sin that it has messed up our woman to man dynamics?
> 
> Because it send kind of like self imposed cruelty.
> you know she wants him but he wants someone else and vice versa.  I know it's not always like that but it's pretty much the common norm most times.
> 
> It doesn't seem like that would be the way it wild be if we didn't live in a fallen world.




Maybe that aspect of the relationship dynamics...I'm not sure.  I don't think that men leading means necessarily that you can't initiate it.  I just know that men suck.  Bahaha.  These days, I ain't keen on wasting any time.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Open question to all
> Regarding bolded phrase
> Do you think it's because of our fallen world and original sin that it has messed up our woman to man dynamics?
> 
> Because it send kind of like self imposed cruelty.
> you know she wants him but he wants someone else and vice versa.  I know it's not always like that but it's pretty much the common norm most times.
> 
> It doesn't seem like that would be the way it wild be if we didn't live in a fallen world.



Absolutely.
There is so much confusion that it has to be the enemy. 
I truly believe that if we want spouses and a chance at a lasting marriage, we have to battle with satan in the spiritual realm and pray with everything we have.


----------



## mscurly

Lucia said:


> Open question to all
> Regarding bolded phrase
> Do you think it's because of our fallen world and original sin that it has messed up our woman to man dynamics?
> 
> Because it send kind of like self imposed cruelty.
> you know she wants him but he wants someone else and vice versa.  I know it's not always like that but it's pretty much the common norm most times.
> 
> It doesn't seem like that would be the way it wild be if we didn't live in a fallen world.





Belle Du Jour said:


> Absolutely.
> There is so much confusion that it has to be the enemy.
> I truly believe that if we want spouses and a chance at a lasting marriage, we have to battle with satan in the spiritual realm and pray with everything we have.




@Lucia I never thought about it like that but that makes sense. The enemy hates marriage and Godly unions so we will do anything to stop it including sending in confusion when it comes to meeting and courtship. 


I do agree with @Belle Du Jour in that we must continue to pray and put on the full armor of God. I think you should start praying for your spouse well before marriage honestly. The enemy doesn't sleep so why should we.


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## Belle Du Jour

LOL Father is calling folks out


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## Lucia

^^This last one is especially on point regarding our latest comments. 

@mscurly 

@Belle Du Jour 

@kanozas


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## Lucia




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## Lucia

Double post


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## Lucia

Wow!  Powerful testimony
About courtship and marriage.


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## Belle Du Jour

@Lucia girl you always find the right videos!! That video on the couple waiting really spoke to me and my experiences...thank you.


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## kanozas

@Lucia   Can we get a synopsis?  I don't have time to watch all the vids.


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## Lucia

kanozas said:


> @Lucia   Can we get a synopsis?  I don't have time to watch all the vids.





Ok so to sum up gossip videos are basically be more concerned with what comes out your mouth than goes in, don't falsely slander (whether you know consequences or not) cause it just give the enemy another stronghold the last trap he sets to keep us hooked into that vicious cycle and keeps our breakthroughs and blessings from happening.

What to expect while waiting...
The enemy will send you men to tempt you the kind of men that fit the list almost but are missing some major things like theu say they're Christian but are actually secular, they don't practice and will slowly lead you away from Jesus.  To get rid confess rebuke forgive release)  of any envy and jealousy regarding others cause they're getting married etc because that will delay your blessings and arrival of future hubby.


Waiting on God ...
Testimony on staying obedient to Gods will even when you don't see how things will work out. She got a word from the Lord and waited for Him to shape her future hubby into the man he is now. She didn't go and tell future hubby anything she let things happen in Gods time according to his will in obedience to God and he testifies to his wait and how he was changed by Gods doing a work in him during the waiting stage.  This ones not too long.


Don't settle...
If you're trying to convince yourself and others or talk yourself into keeping the relationship going then youre probably settling. Settling only leads to heartbreak, pain, and it's basically selling yourself short.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Waiting on God ...
> Testimony on staying obedient to Gods will even when you don't see how things will work out. She got a word from the Lord and waited for Him to shape her future hubby into the man he is now. She didn't go and tell future hubby anything she let things happen in Gods time according to his will in obedience to God and he testifies to his wait and how he was changed by Gods doing a work in him during the waiting stage.  This ones not too long.



This is such a beautiful video.  I re-watched it.  I am praying and fasting and I believe that someone for me exists.  I hope this man is doing the same for me and waiting to hear from God about pursing me.  Also, Michael mentioned that people need to give God the space to move.  This is a beautiful parallel to the space that women need to allow men for them to pursue.   Waiting is SO hard but I know it will be worth it in the end.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Emily Stimpson, who wrote this book
https://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Girls-Survival-Guide-Single/dp/193715534X?ie=UTF8&ref_=asap_bc

got married this past weekend.  She mentioned on her blog that she knew her husband for almost 10 years as a friend but they didn't start dating until many years later.  I hope she will come out with the details of how they actually got together.  I love hearing how God brought people together!


----------



## Maracujá

You are unique, there is no one else in the world that is like you. That's why when someone truly falls in love with you (and not your type), you have nothing to worry about. Because you are on a league of your own, you have no competition. - Pastor T.D. Jakes


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> This is such a beautiful video.  I re-watched it.  I am praying and fasting and I believe that someone for me exists.  I hope this man is doing the same for me and waiting to hear from God about pursing me.  *Also, Michael mentioned that people need to give God the space to move.  This is a beautiful parallel to the space that women need to allow men for them to pursue.*   Waiting is SO hard but I know it will be worth it in the end.



Yes he had a very special message and testimony to give. I don't think I ever thought about it or heard that before, I'm letting that nugget sink in.
I also really like Marcus' testimony  worth the wait video especially since they're  Catholic 
Looks like he did a Spanish version too that's good cause he's getting his testimony out there in both languages.


----------



## Lucia

Here's a series on Ruth and Boaz


----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> You are unique, there is no one else in the world that is like you. That's why when someone truly falls in love with you (and not your type), you have nothing to worry about. Because you are on a league of your own, you have no competition. - Pastor T.D. Jakes



This is an awesome quote. It reminds me of Psalm 139:14 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.


----------



## Lucia

Courtship series


Now she talks about social media and I have to vent about this. 

Social media has done more to create, instigate and magnify insecurities than regular media ever could.
Why? Because when we see some woman on the cover of a magazine we know she's got a beauty team and stylists wigs weaves lighting and camera angles to make her look her best then on top of that there's air brushing.
Tv and movies we know that those stores are about fictional characters it's the fantasy, a fairytale that always gets conveniently resolved at the end of the episode/movie.
Now when we as people we know in real life who are regular people and they have their seemingly "perfect lives" , edited and polished for any type of social media.  We don't see the struggle, the hardships the real deal on the nuts and bolts of their relationship.

GF that's been living with her BF shaking up for years  will always post them having fun everywhere but home. Then you see the proposal pics the smiles the ring. She'll never keep it real and post how many times she's had to drop hints or give ultimatums either threatening to leave or pressure tactics of getting pregnant and using that as leverage. And vice versa men can use these tactics too but most of the time it's women selling themselves short.

I'm not giving the men a pass cause he should have known better too.
He too will never post anything but the edited all fun and smiles of their relationship. I don't think they should be posting every little event or thing really it's too much info I don't need to see or hear unless I'm family or your BFF or something.

Or the man or woman who always has a new boo and changes them as often as they change their shirts.

The money lovers who are always showing off ther new luxury car condo Louboutin purchase, etc.

It's like advertising for Satan hey look we live in sin or do whatever we want and everything's coming up roses.

With that said we really need to check ourselves when checking friends and celeb accounts and remember nobody's life is the perfect fairytale their trying to make it seem. Now I'm not saying their aren't some genuinely content and happy people out there there are but everybody has ups and downs we should keep that present in our minds when viewing SM and maintain things in perspective.


----------



## Lucia

Lucia said:


> Here's a series on Ruth and Boaz









https://youtu.be/CkLCD79sSHE

https://youtu.be/YOBcA5vwOao

https://youtu.be/f81sMKRNeZ4

https://youtu.be/oqzPy6288Eg


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

^ I love her videos...and her hair!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

There is SO MUCH FRUIT in the story of Ruth and Boaz.  I think people misinterpret the uncovering of Boaz's feet and see it as Ruth pursuing Boaz, but she was really responding to his interest (that he had already expressed honorably albeit subtly).  Ruth was actually being obedient to her mother in law and showed a profound act of femininity/humility when she uncovered his feet and essentially revealed to him that she was open to his pursuit.   He stepped into his masculine and settled the matter the next day.  Any thoughts on this?


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Beautiful couple!  Hope this hasn't already been posted:


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> There is SO MUCH FRUIT in the story of Ruth and Boaz.  I think people misinterpret the uncovering of Boaz's feet and see it as Ruth pursuing Boaz, but she was really responding to his interest (that he had already expressed honorably albeit subtly).  Ruth was actually being obedient to her mother in law and showed a profound act of femininity/humility when she uncovered his feet and essentially revealed to him that she was open to his pursuit.   He stepped into his masculine and settled the matter the next day.  Any thoughts on this?



How this different from the situation @mscurly presented? Ruth was very forward with her approach. So much so that Boaz even commented, "No one must know that a woman came to the threshing floor." 

I'm not saying it's bad, because I don't see anything wrong with a woman showing interest. Men aren't mind readers. However, where is the line drawn for said interest? I think Ruth was very bold to approach Boaz at the threshing floor, given the fact that women weren't supposed to be there. Ultimately Boaz took the next step in the relationship. Isn't that what we as ladies in waiting want?


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Divine. said:


> How this different from the situation @mscurly presented? Ruth was very forward with her approach. So much so that Boaz even commented, "No one must know that a woman came to the threshing floor."
> 
> I'm not saying it's bad, because I don't see anything wrong with a woman showing interest. Men aren't mind readers. However, where is the line drawn for said interest? I think Ruth was very bold to approach Boaz at the threshing floor, given the fact that women weren't supposed to be there. Ultimately Boaz took the next step in the relationship. Isn't that what we as ladies in waiting want?



I read an interpretation that explains the threshing floor in the Jewish context and that what Ruth did was not considered a bold move or pursuing.  I will try to find that commentary/ scripture study.

ETA:
http://setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/11-13-13/ruth
http://www.boundless.org/advice/2014/if-ruth-pursued-boaz-why-cant-i-pursue-a-guy
https://singlefor1.wordpress.com/2011/03/01/question-of-the-week-did-ruth-force-herself-on-boaz/


----------



## mscurly

@Belle Du Jour @Divine. 

In terms of my situation, I'm not pursuing said man. This man already expressed interest and I am reacting or responding to that interest. 

If he had never acknowledged me or showed any signs of interest I would NOT have said anything. 

In the story of Ruth and Boaz however it was initiated ultimately their union was led by God which I believe is the most important thing. Both have to be led by His spirit in the relationship.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

mscurly said:


> @Belle Du Jour @Divine.
> 
> In terms of my situation, I'm not pursuing said man. This man already expressed interest and I am reacting or responding to that interest.
> 
> If he had never acknowledged me or showed any signs of interest I would NOT have said anything.
> 
> In the story of Ruth and Boaz however it was initiated ultimately their union was led by God which I believe is the most important thing. *Both have to be led by His spirit in the relationship.*



This is SO true.   God knows what He's doing.  Sometimes He asks us to do things outside of our comfort zone. I don't believe He would ask His daughter to pursue a man, but He might ask us to make ourselves vulnerable or exposed (like Ruth on the threshing floor) to accomplish His will.


----------



## Divine.

mscurly said:


> @Belle Du Jour @Divine.
> 
> In terms of my situation, I'm not pursuing said man. *This man already expressed interest and I am reacting or responding to that interest.*
> 
> If he had never acknowledged me or showed any signs of interest I would NOT have said anything.
> 
> In the story of Ruth and Boaz however it was initiated ultimately their union was led by God which I believe is the most important thing. Both have to be led by His spirit in the relationship.



This is exactly what I mean. The interest was already there. Ruth made herself available, but ultimately, Boaz did all the pursuing.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Divine. said:


> This is exactly what I mean. The interest was already there. Ruth made herself available, but ultimately, *Boaz did all the pursuing*.



He really did!  He inquired about her and was impressed by her.  He tried to protect her and provided for her.  But note, he didn't immediately try to claim her.  I wonder, he must have known about the family connection and that he could redeem her because he already knew that there was someone who had the right to claim her first.  So I think he had already thought about the possibility.  Why didn't he act?  Why did Ruth have to make herself vulnerable?  I don't know if we can answer those questions but I think they are interesting to think about.  All I know if Ruth was guided by Naomi and walked by faith into her destiny (which includes the lineage of Christ!).  I think sometimes we can be too nitpicky about a man's pursuit.   Pursuit doesn't just look one way.  A man could be praying about you or waiting on some sign of interest from  you or even waiting for confirmation that only the Holy Spirit can provide.   It is so important to listen for that still small voice.


----------



## mscurly

Belle Du Jour said:


> He really did!  He inquired about her and was impressed by her.  He tried to protect her and provided for her.  But note, he didn't immediately try to claim her.  *I think sometimes we can be too nitpicky about a man's pursuit.   Pursuit doesn't just look one way.  A man could be praying about you or waiting on some sign of interest from  you or even waiting for confirmation that only the Holy Spirit can provide.   It is so important to listen for that still small voice.*




I agree with the bolded completely. Especially when you are dealing with a Godly man. Men of God aren't going to pursue the same way a worldly man does. The man could really be fasting, praying and waiting on confirmation from the Holy Spirit. We don't know what he's doing in his alone time with God.

That's why I think as women we should also stay in prayer about a situation as well. The Lord is not going to steer you wrong. That's why I've remained in prayer before acting on my own accord.


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## Maracujá

I turned 31 about two weeks ago and decided to study Proverbs 31 for an entire year. This morning I did some research on the meaning of the ruby stone and apparently it stands for faithful, passionate love and closeness to a spouse (among many other things). It also only comes second to diamonds! And our worth as women is above that!


----------



## Lucia




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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> He really did!  He inquired about her and was impressed by her.  He tried to protect her and provided for her.  But note, he didn't immediately try to claim her.  I wonder, he must have known about the family connection and that he could redeem her because he already knew that there was someone who had the right to claim her first.  So I think he had already thought about the possibility.  Why didn't he act?  Why did Ruth have to make herself vulnerable?  I don't know if we can answer those questions but I think they are interesting to think about.  All I know if Ruth was guided by Naomi and walked by faith into her destiny (which includes the lineage of Christ!).  I think sometimes we can be too nitpicky about a man's pursuit.   *Pursuit doesn't just look one way.  A man could be praying about you or waiting on some sign of interest from  you or even waiting for confirmation that only the Holy Spirit can provide.   It is so important to listen for that still small voice*.



Yes @ bolded another good point.

Now regarding Boaz claiming Naomi

I think it's because another kinsmen was ahead of Boaz that he had to act prudently but he could only act if his interest was reciprocated. Naomi knew that and knew the law so that's why she instructed Ruth on what to do. Boaz could not just lay claim to Ruth with out making sure she would be receptive to him because he is a gentleman (have I not charged the young men not to touch you?  Ruth 2:8-9) a godly man, and he is an elder and could not loose face and it would be a betrayal of his kinsmen and fellow elder a great disrespect.
---

Ruth 3:10-13

10 And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich.
11 And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.12 And now it is true that I am a redeemer. Yet there is a redeemer nearer than I.13 Remain tonight, and in the morning, if he will redeem you, good; let him do it. But if he is not willing to redeem you, then, as the Lord lives, I will redeem you.

Ruth 4 1-6

4 Now Boaz had gone up to the gate and sat down there. And behold, the redeemer, of whom Boaz had spoken, came by. So Boaz said, “Turn aside, friend; sit down here.” And he turned aside and sat down.2 And he took ten men of the elders of the city and said, “Sit down here.” So they sat down.3 Then he said to the redeemer, “Naomi, who has come back from the country of Moab, is selling the parcel of land that belonged to our relative Elimelech.4 So I thought I would tell you of it and say, ‘Buy it in the presence of those sitting here and in the presence of the elders of my people.’ If you will redeem it, redeem it. But if you[a] will not, tell me, that I may know, for there is no one besides you to redeem it, and I come after you.” And he said, “I will redeem it.”5 Then Boaz said, “The day you buy the field from the hand of Naomi, you also acquire Ruth[b]the Moabite, the widow of the dead, in order to perpetuate the name of the dead in his inheritance.”6 Then the redeemer said, “I cannot redeem it for myself, lest I impair my own inheritance. Take my right of redemption yourself, for I cannot redeem it.

----
Notice he had to inform him of his rights to the land and to Ruth before 10 other elders and once he refused the claim Boaz could then proceed to claim Ruth as his own.


----------



## Lucia

mscurly said:


> I agree with the bolded completely. Especially when you are dealing with a Godly man. Men of God aren't going to pursue the same way a worldly man does. The man could really be fasting, praying and waiting on confirmation from the Holy Spirit. We don't know what he's doing in his alone time with God.
> 
> That's why I think as women we should also stay in prayer about a situation as well. The Lord is not going to steer you wrong. That's why I've remained in prayer before acting on my own accord.



Yes good point


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## Lucia

He has some good points except for the dating all around part.


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## Lucia




----------



## mz.rae

So I was having a conversation with my SO about the roles of males and females in relationships and marriages. I was letting him know that when it comes to relationships and marriages that I am old school. I feel as though the man is the head of the household, he is to be the provider and protector of his family and household. That is what is what the Word says. And he was saying that if the man is breadwinner and his job is better than the woman's then he can see that. And that times have changed and now women are getting better jobs so old rules have to be revised. I was telling him that I am not a man, have no desire to be one, and don't want to take on the role of man. That men and women were created differently for two different purposes for a reason. We may be on a team, but even team mates have two different positions. After the conversation I shared some scripture with him on the matter.


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## Lucia

mz.rae said:


> So I was having a conversation with my SO about the roles of males and females in relationships and marriages. I was letting him know that when it comes to relationships and marriages that I am old school. I feel as though the man is the head of the household, he is to be the provider and protector of his family and household. That is what is what the Word says. And he was saying that if the man is breadwinner and his job is better than the woman's then he can see that. And that times have changed and now women are getting better jobs so old rules have to be revised. I was telling him that I am not a man, have no desire to be one, and don't want to take on the role of man. That men and women were created differently for two different purposes for a reason. We may be on a team, but even team mates have two different positions. After the conversation I shared some scripture with him on the matter.



If you think it will help Maybe have him listen to this lecture and q and a and then see what he thinks about men's gender roles and he calls men out on their bolony.





I've always wanted to know how do stay at home dads and working mom works when it's time to have kids I mean what does she take a day off and then jump back into work?
I just wonder how do they swing it and does the man ever really feel fulfilled as a man and how does or will  the absence of mom and feminine softness affect the kids?
There's a lot to consider when you go against what God has ordained the far reaching consequences and outcomes we mostly don't even know. I'm just putting it out there.


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## mz.rae

Lucia said:


> If you think it will help Maybe have him listen to this lecture and q and a and then see what he thinks about men's gender roles and he calls men out on their bolony.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I've always wanted to know how do stay at home dads and working mom works when it's time to have kids I mean what does she take a day off and then jump back into work?
> I just wonder how do they swing it and does the man ever really feel fulfilled as a man and how does or will  the absence of mom and feminine softness affect the kids?
> There's a lot to consider when you go against what God has ordained the far reaching consequences and outcomes we mostly don't even know. I'm just putting it out there.


Thank you for posting these!!! He had a lot of good information in the video. I shared the first one with my SO. I'm going to check out the Q&A video and share that with him also.


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## Belle Du Jour

http://marriagemissions.com/making-a-good-choice-or-a-god-choice/

Love this quote from the article:
In his popular workbook, _Experiencing God_, Henry Blackaby suggests we _“find out where God is working and join Him there.” _We, on the other hand, are more likely to say, _“God, here’s the person I want to marry. Will You bless us?”_ The difference is the approach. One approach puts God at the center while the other puts ourselves at the center. When we make choices independent of God and then ask for His blessing, we’re asking God to approve an idea that originated with us, not Him.

Throughout Scripture, God always takes the initiative. He sets the agenda. _“We adjust our lives to God so He can do through us what He wants to do,” _says Blackaby. _“God is not our servant to make adjustments to our plans. We are His servants and we adjust our lives to what He is about to do.”_


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

"Waiting is _not_ an act of passivity. Your single life in God shouldn’t feel like the equivalent of waiting in a doctor’s office. Waiting in God is about growth, movement, and endurance.

If you’re waiting the correct way, you’re _growing_ in God daily. You’re passing tests.

You’re seeking His face for _hours_. You’re meditating on scriptures. You’re _enduring_ spiritual warfare like a strong soldier.

You’re doing the_ best_ you can to become a _better _you than the day before."

http://jordonewrites.com/2015/06/03/how-to-wait-on-god-for-your-future-husband/


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## Belle Du Jour

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/lif...-old-virgin-getting-married/?src=socialflowFB

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/dbla...ged-at-world-youth-day/#.V6TQyEPhXeA.facebook


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## Belle Du Jour

This video was amazing:


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/lif...-old-virgin-getting-married/?src=socialflowFB
> 
> http://www.ncregister.com/blog/dbla...ged-at-world-youth-day/#.V6TQyEPhXeA.facebook



Such inspirational testimonies.
Look at God work.
Thanks for sharing


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## Belle Du Jour




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## Belle Du Jour

This is a hard one! God has been dealing with me on contentment. 

I Corinthians 7:17 and Philippians 4:11-13


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> http://marriagemissions.com/making-a-good-choice-or-a-god-choice/
> 
> Love this quote from the article:
> In his popular workbook, _Experiencing God_, Henry Blackaby suggests we _“find out where God is working and join Him there.” _We, on the other hand, are more likely to say, _“God, here’s the person I want to marry. Will You bless us?”_ The difference is the approach. One approach puts God at the center while the other puts ourselves at the center. When we make choices independent of God and then ask for His blessing, we’re asking God to approve an idea that originated with us, not Him.
> 
> Throughout Scripture, God always takes the initiative. He sets the agenda. _“We adjust our lives to God so He can do through us what He wants to do,” _says Blackaby. _“God is not our servant to make adjustments to our plans. We are His servants and we adjust our lives to what He is about to do.”_



Really profound stuff


----------



## bellatiamarie

You know it's bad when ya grandmama is trying to hook you up.  Lord, help me.


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## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> You know it's bad when ya grandmama is trying to hook you up.  Lord, help me.



I wish I had someone trying to hook me up.   That's how things USED to be: Family and well meaning people looking out for their loved ones. A girl whose blog I used to follow and randomly checked out after years of not reading it got engaged in a 6 month time frame to a guy her MOM scoped out at church and gave him her number.  Shoot, I'll take your gran.  Nothing wrong with that.


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## bellatiamarie

Belle Du Jour said:


> I wish I had someone trying to hook me up.   That's how things USED to be: Family and well meaning people looking out for their loved ones. A girl whose blog I used to follow and randomly checked out after years of not reading it got engaged in a 6 month time frame to a guy her MOM scoped out at church and gave him her number.  Shoot, I'll take your gran.  Nothing wrong with that.



 I know.  It just feels weird... like my grandmother is trying to set me up  I feel like a failure. 

To make a long story short... she says to me the other day... you know the new musician we have... he thinks you're pretty.  Oh ok.  That's nice granny.  I didn't really say much else about it.  Yesterday she says he was going to pick her up for church  now, I usually pick her up on Sundays for church because physically she can't get around on her own anymore.  So I said OK so I don't have to pick you up in the morning and she's like yes you do, he has a truck I can't get in there.  So this morning she tells me she called him and told him that he didn't have to pick her up because I was taking her.  Now, she's never said anything about this man. He's been a musician at our church for at least a year now so I'm wondering where all of this is going. We had a death in our family and I found out from my cousin that he was at my grandmother's house pretty late one night last week chatting with the family which is when the topic of me being pretty came up.

So today at church our usual drum player wasn't there so this guy was on drums.  He usually plays the guitar.  Fine.  So my grandmother sat in the back because she couldn't really make it to the front of the church so I sat on the pew behind her and I slid over a bit because otherwise I would've been directly behind her.  So church service is going on and when the word was getting ready to be delivered, I look up and he's standing next to me.  I'm confused. My wallet and my fan are sitting to the left of me.  So he asks me to move my things and he sat beside me.  Ummmm, OK? Very weird.  Usually during the word, the musicians sit on their chairs close to their instruments.  Uh.  So I'm very confused.  My pastor played a September 11th remembrance video and then he says to me I could never forget that day because my birthday is the day before or something like that... and I'm like Oh, OK.  I mean, what was I supposed to say?

I said I was going to keep this short.  But anyway.  I feel a certain way about being discussed while I'm not around.  Apparently they started discussing me because at my cousins funeral last Saturday,  my cousins sister in law said to me you always look so nice.  She then proceeds to say you're pretty for big girl.  Errrr?  So I told her I'm pretty for any type of girl.  I almost cussed her out in the church house, yall pray for me.  I need deliverance from the foul language.  So apparently that particular conversation came up when he was at my grandmother's house and then he said something about me being pretty.  Whatever.  I just don't feel like being set up right now.  I don't even want to deal with the distraction.   I just got to a better head space and I'm just really not here for any of it.  It's weird.  

Honestly, I'm feeling insecure about having to have someone set me up  I need to stop.  But I don't know.  I'm not feeling this.  It's now making me not wanna go to church.  Yall pray for me.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be so long


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## Belle Du Jour

I think it sounds kinda sweet...you need to stop and give the guy a chance if he gets up the courage to ask you out  You never know...God can implant feelings into our hearts for people #justsaying


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## bellatiamarie

Belle Du Jour said:


> I think it sounds kinda sweet...you need to stop and give the guy a chance if he gets up the courage to ask you out  You never know...God can implant feelings into our hearts for people #justsaying



We will see.  I just really don't even know anymore.  My flesh is ready  but I'm not ready for any of this.  If that makes any sense.


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## movingforward

@bellatiamarie at least you know what the guy look like.....my BFF....bff....is trying to hook me up on a blind date.

Now that's rock bottom.


----------



## bellatiamarie

movingforward said:


> @bellatiamarie at least you know what the guy look like.....my BFF....bff....is trying to hook me up on a blind date.
> 
> Now that's rock bottom.



Oh goodness.  I feel sick at the mere thought of a blind date. 

I think everyone around me wants me to be married more than I want to be married.  The older I get, the more averse to commitment I become. I don't think I can deal.  I want to be married.  But Lord I will run if I get tired of a situation and you can't be running away from problems in a marriage.  I ain't ready yall.  I'm going backwards   I'm ready for love, but not ready for marriage, commitment and all that stuff.


----------



## movingforward

bellatiamarie said:


> Oh goodness.  I feel sick at the mere thought of a blind date.
> 
> I think everyone around me wants me to be married more than I want to be married.  The older I get, the more averse to commitment I become. I don't think I can deal.  I want to be married.  But Lord I will run if I get tired of a situation and you can't be running away from problems in a marriage.  I ain't ready yall.  I'm going backwards   I'm ready for love, but not ready for marriage, commitment and all that stuff.




LOL!!!  We must be twins.  I feel the exact same way.  I want love and a committed CHRISTIAN relationship for right now. 

The guy will have to convinced me that he's worth sharing my freedom with him.


----------



## Divine.

@bellatiamarie Girl you better let that boy talk to you! You got single ladies wishing a man would even look their way. God always interrupts us once we finally start getting it together. Don't miss out on this opportunity just because it feels uncomfortable. God doesn't work in the business of making us feel comfortable lol


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## bellatiamarie

Divine. said:


> @bellatiamarie Girl you better let that boy talk to you! You got single ladies wishing a man would even look their way. God always interrupts us once we finally start getting it together. Don't miss out on this opportunity just because it feels uncomfortable. God doesn't work in the business of making us feel comfortable lol



You're right!  I'll see.  I just don't like to be thrown off my game!  I'm good right now.  But there's nothing wrong with seeing where it goes, if it goes.


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## Belle Du Jour

Divine. said:


> @bellatiamarie Girl you better let that boy talk to you! You got single ladies wishing a man would even look their way. God always interrupts us once we finally start getting it together. Don't miss out on this opportunity just because it feels uncomfortable. *God doesn't work in the business of making us feel comfortable lo*l



Truth.com
He is about holiness and sanctification.  Won't always be easy or comfortable. 
He has taken me out on some limbs this year...


----------



## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> You're right!  I'll see.  I just don't like to be thrown off my game!  I'm good right now.  But there's nothing wrong with seeing where it goes, if it goes.



And that's when the right one usually comes alone...when you're doing good and feeling content.


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## Belle Du Jour

I thought this was very beautiful and inspiring: http://www.waitingforyourboaz.com/future-husband/



> As of lately, my house has been a tornado. After nearly five years of marriage, Kevin and I have decided to follow wherever God leads, so we are making an out-of-state move.
> 
> Anyone who knows my 13 month old daughter knows she loves getting into everything, so when I found her with a piece of paper going to her mouth, it was no surprise.
> 
> I had been packing away important papers and sentiments the day before, but when I picked this tiny piece of paper up I realized it was the letter I had wrote to my future husband exactly three days before God revealed to me the man I would marry.
> 
> The odd thing about this is I had been planning on eventually writing a blog on this topic, so when this happened, I knew it was God giving me the go ahead.
> 
> As a senior in high school nearing graduation, I found the commitment I had made to God at the age of 12 more challenging than it had ever been.
> 
> For years I felt like I was in hiding no dates, no prospects, nothing. I knew I wasn’t ugly, but when I prayed that prayer of “_God, save my heart for my future husband,_” He took me seriously, even though I was just a child. It was almost like He was saying, _“I’ve been waiting for you to ask me just that, I’ve got you covered.”_
> 
> Any guy I had talked too even came close to dating came to a screeching halt every single time. I would pray and ask God to lift up what I felt like was a curse (the binding prayer of a 12 year old), but He stuck with His promises to me, even in the times it got so hard to maintain my heart and purity.
> 
> I had spent my entire teen life chasing after Jesus. I would being lying if I said I didn’t want to date, because I did, but ultimately I wanted to take my teen years and just solely chase after the main pursuit of my heart.
> 
> My friends were all dating, and I felt like the oddball.
> 
> A lot of people told me my standards were too high, that I’d end up old and alone.
> 
> That was the nicest of the criticism I received for being publicly open about my decision to wait for God to bring me the man HE had set aside for me.
> 
> So there I was, a senior in high school who had never kissed, never even held anyone’s hand, and never been in a relationship.
> 
> I said no to guys I knew were no good for me. I said no to good, Christian guys. I didn’t always want to say no. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb by being this way, I just wanted to be normal, like other girls.
> 
> For the first time in a long time I had came to peace within myself. I realized I was still young and had a lifetime of living, serving, and loving Jesus before God brought along my Boaz. I didn’t expect it anytime soon, so I just decided to be at peace within myself, and trust God that in His timing He would bring everything I need.
> 
> Just remembering this period in my life brings back a smile to my face. The burden of trying to do it on my own was lifted. I knew it was out of my hands, it’s not like I could pick someone better for myself than God could anyways, and I knew what a mess I would make of my heart if I rushed ahead.
> 
> So I sat down on a cold night in December of 2010 and wrote this simple, yet prophetic letter to my future husband.
> 
> _
> To my future husband,_
> 
> _
> Even now, I am still going to hold out for you. You are so going to be worth it. But I have decided to stop looking for you and to just focus on God, He will bring me to you in the right time. It’s funny that you actually exist, you are a real person, (who is probably asleep right now.) And I know God has you saved for me, just like He is faithfully saving me for you.
> 
> 
> I love you and I am doing my best. My heart is already yours. I am going to stop searching elsewhere because I know you are going to be so much better than what I have planned.
> 
> Love,
> Your future wife_
> 
> It’s funny how God works.
> 
> Three days later, this boy happens to walk into my church. I had met him three years prior, yet in that moment God showed me something different.
> 
> He was someone I felt spiritually tied to, and I couldn’t really grasp why. A handful of times we would pass by each other in public, and I felt so drawn to his spirit. I still remember the day we ran into each other at a local Walgreens. I didn’t know his name, but I knew His fire for the Lord. Walking out of Walgreens that day I prayed, _God, please give me someone with a heart like that._
> 
> As time went on, I became caught up in my life. My senior year alone consisted of four school transitions, and my life as a teenager was hectic to say the least.
> 
> But next time we ran into each other, he invited me to come hear him preach sometime and we exchanged numbers. From there things escalated beautifully.
> 
> I decided to invite him to my church. I thought he was amazing, but I thought I didn’t have a chance. As we sat there, I remember just seeing love in his eyes, such a humble, sweet spirit.
> 
> Then after so many nights of begging and pleading God to give me a “yes” to all the boys I thought were so right for me only to find out there was a reason He always gave me “no’s,” I heard God say something I had never heard Him say before.
> 
> He whispered to me, _“He’s the one.”_
> 
> _Umm, okay God. There’s nooo way you just told me that._
> 
> I convinced myself that I was crazy, besides why would a guy like that be interested in someone like me?
> 
> But not long after that, he asked me out on a date to my surprise. He was crazy about me (longer than I even realized), and we fell in love.
> 
> Now, sitting here at 5 o’clock in the morning in 2016 I am in tears, thanking God for preserving me, even when I doubted His goodness and promises.
> 
> My husband proves to me daily that the decision he and I both made to wait on each other was one of the best decisions we could’ve made.
> 
> I thought I couldn’t fall harder in love, but here I am, less than a month away from our five year anniversary, and I am deeper in love than I’ve ever been.
> 
> True love really does exist, and so do God’s promises.
> 
> I will never regret that day I cried out, “_Take all of me Jesus! Make me into whatever you need, and give me whatever I need.”_
> 
> God knew the simplest desires of my heart down to the letter, and stored up an abundance of blessings for me just from simply asking and committing.
> 
> When you become radically in love with Jesus, you realize He is concerned about every area of your life, especially the person you will marry. He desires to give you good things, but they have to be in His time. Abba is so in love with you, and so proud of you.
> 
> You are His treasured, chosen child. Don’t doubt the goodness of God. Don’t doubt His promises.
> 
> Hold onto the hope He has placed in your heart, I promise you will regret all the times you ever doubted Him.
> 
> _“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.” Hebrews 10:23_


----------



## Lucia

@bellatiamarie 
That's awesome that your GM is looking out for you that way. Sometimes the past generations new best. Just pray on it, this might be Gods way of making things happen who knows.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> I thought this was very beautiful and inspiring: http://www.waitingforyourboaz.com/future-husband/



Beautiful testimony. I needed that word thanks


----------



## Lucia

*Is it better to pray for clarity or trust in God’s will?*

It sounds so simple to say, “Just do the will of God.” It is simple and there is beauty and genius in simplicity, but simple and easy are not the same. In many things, perhaps in most things, the will of God is easily known. If we accept that we should love God and neighbor, a great many of life’s choices become clear: We should not steal, murder, or covet or neighbor’s husband or wife. If we accept that God has not created us to be some second-rate version of ourselves, but that God yearns for us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves, then a great many more of life’s choices become very clear–perhaps clearer than we would like. Should we work out or watch endless hours of television? It is easy to see God’s will in the context of his desire for us to become all he created us to be.

But there are some decisions, often the most important ones, that do not fall into either of these categories. And often, these are the bigger decisions of our lives. Perhaps you are deciding whether to be a nurse or a teacher. You can love God and neighbor in both of these professions. You can become a-better-version-of-yourself in both of these professions. But which is God calling you to? God speaks to us all in what I call the three ordinary voices of God. They are legitimate needs, deepest desires, and talents, God has given us legitimate needs, dreams and desires, and talents and abilities to help us understand how we might best make a unique contribution. But even after thoroughly examining these it may still not be clear what God’s will is for our lives.

A priest once asked Mother Teresa if she would pray that God would give him clarity in a choice he had to make. She told him, “God may never give you clarity. All you can do is trust.”

Sometimes we think we know for sure, sometimes we think we are pretty sure, and sometimes all we can do is trust. We can know that we are trying to love God and neighbor. We can know that a choice can help us become a-better-version-of-ourselves. We can know that a certain choice is a good fit for our legitimate needs, our unique talents, and our deepest desires. But we won’t necessarily know that something is the will of God. Then, all we can do is trust.

http://rediscover.archspm.org/prayer/is-it-better-to-pray-for-clarity-or-trust-in-gods-will/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

@Lucia God is such a mystery. I spent a lot of time being anxious about whether I was in His will. Finally I realized that His will for me is exactly where I am *today*. So I'm learning to live in the present and trust that He will change my circumstances when He wills. Doesn't mean it's easy to live where I am today but I think acceptance is a big part and He wants us to thrive exactly where we are planted today. If I never bloom where I am now, how could I think I would bloom in a different season?  I think it goes back to what Paul said about contentment.  Anyway great article.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This is another hard one: waiting on a guy to take the lead. Ugh! Many of them don't know how but I truly believe "If God desires the friendship to happen, He is perfectly capable of moving upon the guy’s heart to take the first step in reaching out to you.  Show that you trust in Him with _all _your heart by letting Him write the story without any manipulation on your part!"

https://setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/05-1-13/getting-know-guy


----------



## kanozas

In anything in life, sometimes all we have is trust because it's a bone-dried desert but we're not empty slates.  I dunno about advocating that we be such in regards to finding a mate or even a profession.  We are imbued with individual personalities, predilections and world views for a reason.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Really profound stuff



I keep saying I won't buy any more relationship books   LOL but when I saw that the article was excerpts taken from his book, I couldn't help but pick it up.  It's really good   He talks a lot about the mechanics of how a Godly relationship should progress.  I've never seen it laid out like that before in a book.  If you enjoyed the article, I highly recommend the book.


----------



## Papoose

Today a guy said to "have faith in Jesus not a ticking clock" to a woman in her late 30s. What are your thoughts ladies? @Shimmie?


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## phynestone

I really like the site. Very cute.


Belle Du Jour said:


> This is another hard one: waiting on a guy to take the lead. Ugh! Many of them don't know how but I truly believe "If God desires the friendship to happen, He is perfectly capable of moving upon the guy’s heart to take the first step in reaching out to you.  Show that you trust in Him with _all _your heart by letting Him write the story without any manipulation on your part!"
> 
> https://setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/05-1-13/getting-know-guy


----------



## blessedandfavoured

Papoose said:


> Today a guy said to *"have faith in Jesus not a ticking clock"* to a woman in her late 30s. What are your thoughts ladies? @Shimmie?



Hello @Papoose, I'm obviously not @Shimmie, but I agree with this statement.  God is the creator of ALL things.  He made the world by speaking, He made a_ virgin_ conceive, He raised Christ (and others) from the dead.  Absolutely nothing is impossible for Him.  Whether the clock is physical or biological, God is greater -  the clock can tick all it wants but God created time, and He can restore it, if needs be.  See Sarah in Genesis.  And Isaiah 38:7-8, Kings 20:8-11.  God works miracles, and says to have faith in Him.  He is able to do more than we can imagine.  So have faith in Him.  And listen for His leading, then obey Him.  I know it's hard, but He gives us grace to endure.  We have to take it.  Meanwhile, _I _say one should do what they can to get/stay healthy.  We do what we can and let God do what He can.  God bless.

P.S:  All that said, it so *easy* for a man to say that, isn't it?  And I hope he said it in an encouraging, not disparaging, way.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Papoose said:


> Today a guy said to "have faith in Jesus not a ticking clock" to a woman in her late 30s. What are your thoughts ladies? @Shimmie?



I agree. God created time. If He wants you to have babies you will have them. I definitely think about my own clock sometimes but I abandoned my life to Him a while ago. He will decide whether I have babies or not. I will try my best to not step outside His will. 

Also, a book I read recently said yo remind yourself often of God's "resume" ie parting the red sea, raising Jesus from the dead etc.  He is the God of miracles!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Declare this over your life and prepare to brag on God!


This song gets my heart together quickly lol when I'm doubting.


----------



## Papoose

@blessedandfavoured @Belle Du Jour Thanks for this. As someone in the same boat, I get discouraged too. I think he meant well, but it is *very easy *for a man to say. Thanks again for the encouragement.


----------



## blessedandfavoured

Papoose said:


> @blessedandfavoured @Belle Du Jour Thanks for this. As someone in the same boat, I get discouraged too. I think he meant well, but it is *very easy *for a man to say. Thanks again for the encouragement.





Belle Du Jour said:


> I agree. God created time. If He wants you to have babies you will have them. I definitely think about my own clock sometimes but I abandoned my life to Him a while ago. He will decide whether I have babies or not. I will try my best to not step outside His will.
> 
> Also, a book I read recently said yo remind yourself often of God's "resume" ie parting the red sea, raising Jesus from the dead etc.  He is the God of miracles!



Ladies, God is always willing to encourage Him.  He's such a wonderful Father.  I saw this and thought of this topic.  And I hope this song is encouraging.  God bless.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://catholicexchange.com/willing...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer


----------



## bellatiamarie

So... the musician that I told yall about a few weeks ago has been looking me in my face and saying hello and staring.... but that is it.  Boy, bye.

Granted, I run out of the church house as fast as I can after service .   

Other than that... it has been dry, dry, DRY!

I was in another city over the weekend with my cousin and the men were oogling... one had the nerve to tell me I was beautiful, but didn't ask for my number.   Another was with his girlfriend and said that I smell so good and he had been wanting to tell me all night.  At dinner one night at Dennys the men at the table behind us paid for our dinner.   The one in my eye shot eyed me all night and when they left they paid for our dinner but that was it.  

It's like they will stare you down, compliment you all night, but that's it.  That's where it ends. 

 I have to laugh because I told God about 2 years ago that I didn't want to entertain any one that wasn't the one.  Hunty, when I tell you it has been dryyyyyy.  I mean,  I don't even have a male friend to talk to.  Not. One. Single. Male. Friend.  Geez.  The ones I used to have are doing their own thing. 

I said all of that to say that I will keep trusting and waiting.  God is intentional.


----------



## movingforward

bellatiamarie said:


> So... the musician that I told yall about a few weeks ago has been looking me in my face and saying hello and staring.... but that is it.  Boy, bye.
> 
> Granted, I run out of the church house as fast as I can after service .
> 
> Other than that... it has been dry, dry, DRY!
> 
> I was in another city over the weekend with my cousin and the men were oogling... one had the nerve to tell me I was beautiful, but didn't ask for my number.   Another was with his girlfriend and said that I smell so good and he had been wanting to tell me all night.  At dinner one night at Dennys the men at the table behind us paid for our dinner.   The one in my eye shot eyed me all night and when they left they paid for our dinner but that was it.
> 
> It's like they will stare you down, compliment you all night, but that's it.  That's where it ends.
> 
> I have to laugh because I told God about 2 years ago that I didn't want to entertain any one that wasn't the one.  Hunty, when I tell you it has been dryyyyyy.  I mean,  I don't even have a male friend to talk to.  Not. One. Single. Male. Friend.  Geez.  The ones I used to have are doing their own thing.
> 
> I said all of that to say that I will keep trusting and waiting.  God is intentional.




Girl I made the same declaration to God almost 10 years ago.....and Im still waiting and trusting.  I JUST GOT a male friend about a year ago.  But I reallly wouldnt call him a friend.

But I look on the bright side and realize Im not nursing any heartaches, disappointments and I can be as selfish as I want, because its just me and God.

Although, Im over the waiting period.


----------



## bellatiamarie

movingforward said:


> But I look on the bright side and realize Im not nursing any heartaches, disappointments and I can be as selfish as I want, because its just me and God.



This is so true.  I see some of the stuff some women go through and instantly thank God for this single season.   I am not the one.   I guess that's why I'm still single  but I'd rather be here than dealing with the heartache and heart break.   No thanks!


----------



## TrueSugar

Belle Du Jour said:


> This is another hard one: waiting on a guy to take the lead. Ugh! Many of them don't know how but I truly believe "If God desires the friendship to happen, He is perfectly capable of moving upon the guy’s heart to take the first step in reaching out to you.  Show that you trust in Him with _all _your heart by letting Him write the story without any manipulation on your part!"
> 
> https://setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/05-1-13/getting-know-guy


I really need this today, thanks for posting it.


----------



## TrueSugar

I really love the idea of a friend as a prospect, but we both have a lot of growing to do. I love that he values our friendship and that we can be honest about the possibility. I don’t think that I have very felt safer with another man, not family, or people I have been in a relationship with. I trust that if this is a taste of what G-d has for me it will be worth the wait.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://www.blessyourheartandhome.com/faithandinspiration/mr-right-is-taking-his-time/


----------



## futureapl

Ladies I have been a lurker for quite some time now. I recently got engaged. God truly wrote our love story.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

futureapl said:


> Ladies I have been a lurker for quite some time now. I recently got engaged. God truly wrote our love story.



Congratulations! Hope you'll share your story with us.


----------



## futureapl

Belle Du Jour said:


> Congratulations! Hope you'll share your story with us.


Thank you! About a year ago I joined Christian Mingle. I was crying out to God and telling Him about how lonely I felt. I had a dream I cant remember if it was that same day or days later I went to sleep and saw a random sheet of paper with a name on it. I wasn't sure what it meant. I wake up and randomly receive a message on Christian Mingle from a guy asking if I accidentally visited his page. I kid you not I don't even remember visiting his page. We were messaging each other back and forth and come to find out he had the same name that was in my dream.


----------



## futureapl

When we met for the first time it was crazy how we had experienced some of the same things in life. He was talking to me about His love of God and his experience of being filled with the Holy Ghost. It was the first date I had ever been on where we had a Bible study on our first date. We became good friends. I knew I was developing feelings for him but I wasn't sure if he felt the same way. I was constantly praying to God about him and asking God to make things very clear to me, yim, and our pastor regarding where He wanted our relationship to go. Every time I would become impatient God would send me a dream with him in it.


----------



## futureapl

Come to find out he had had a few conversations with our pastor about me. We eventually started dating and I could see that God was revealing the same things to him that he had been revealing to me. One day he calls me and told me that he wanted to cook for me the coming weekend. That Saturday comes and he asks me to meet him at the beach. When I arrived he had set up a picnic and had cooked salmon, tuna steak, roasted potatoes, green beans, and carrots everything was delicious. He had music playing in the background and we had a great conversation. He even bought me a journal (I take notes at church and that previous Sunday I had reached the last page of my journal. ). We sat by the water and he went to grab a blanket from the bushes and came back with the blanket and a bag. I turned around to open my gift and when I turned back around he was on one knee asking me to marry him.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.


----------



## mscurly

@futureapl that's beautiful thanks for sharing your story. It gives me hope which I really need right now


@movingforward how in the world have you been waiting 10 years?? You are so brave and patient. I've been waiting for many years although not that long and it's starting to feel like it's never going to happen for me.


----------



## movingforward

@movingforward how in the world have you been waiting 10 years?? You are so brave and patient. I've been waiting for many years although not that long and it's starting to feel like it's never going to happen for me.[/QUOTE]


It's hard. Even harder to practice abstinence on top of that.  I realized that I'll be 40 next month and I spent my 30s without a relationship (or bedroom activities).  Additionally I'm passed the Christian catch phrases about waiting etc.

So I'm proactively putting myself out there everyone knows that I'm looking.  Plus I made realistic things I want in my relationship.

I plan to get married by 45.


----------



## beingofserenity

I was having a tough day with someone that I care for. And then I randomly met someone elsr who put a smile on my face and lifted my spirits. I


movingforward said:


> @movingforward how in the world have you been waiting 10 years?? You are so brave and patient. I've been waiting for many years although not that long and it's starting to feel like it's never going to happen for me.




It's hard. Even harder to practice abstinence on top of that.  I realized that I'll be 40 next month and I spent my 30s without a relationship (or bedroom activities).  Additionally I'm passed the Christian catch phrases about waiting etc.

So I'm proactively putting myself out there everyone knows that I'm looking.  Plus I made realistic things I want in my relationship.

I plan to get married by 45.[/QUOTE]

You got it! I think its important to be out and about and also to always cute because you never know when or who you'll meet. Yesterday I metthis cute guy at the bank and even though I was wearing a scarf on my head (deep conditioning), I was like thank God I at least wore makeup and cute clothes.

Do you have children?


----------



## mscurly

movingforward said:


> @movingforward how in the world have you been waiting 10 years?? You are so brave and patient. I've been waiting for many years although not that long and it's starting to feel like it's never going to happen for me.




It's hard. Even harder to practice abstinence on top of that.  I realized that I'll be 40 next month and I spent my 30s without a relationship (or bedroom activities).  Additionally I'm passed the Christian catch phrases about waiting etc.

So I'm proactively putting myself out there everyone knows that I'm looking.  Plus I made realistic things I want in my relationship.

I plan to get married by 45.[/QUOTE]


Would you say that you weren't actively looking until now?

I'm starting to feel like maybe that's my problem....I been just sitting around waiting for some guy to show up


----------



## movingforward

@beingofserenity  No I dont have any children.  Which is another regret of mine, although women are having babies at my age.  I go back and forth about having children.  

@mscurly I had a really bad breakup at 28 and I would say i needed a little over 5 or 6 years just to reset myself and be ok.  But I was open to the idea of being in a relationship.  There wasn't anyone around that was of interest to me.  Which caused me to sit around and think this "great guy" was going to fall into my lap.  Or come riding on his white horse completely ready to marry me.  Not real life.  

So I spent the last few years bettering myself.  My dress, mannerisms, outward appearance, etc.  Now Im working on my body.  Im doing all of this for me, not to catch a guy.

But my work is paying off and it's being noticed by men.  Im talking to a guy now that I met at the post office.  Will something come of it.....NOPE!  Holy Spirit already told  me what he wanted.  But I do believe he is going to be a good friend and Im learning how to converse with men and be ok, if the guy doesn't like me.

Sorry for the dissertation but I realized Im good being me and sooner or later the right guy will come along.  Until then.....Im not waiting.....Im participating in allowing my FH to find me while I live my life.


----------



## mscurly

[QUOTE There wasn't anyone around that was of interest to me.  *Which caused me to sit around and think this "great guy" was going to fall into my lap.  Or come riding on his white horse completely ready to marry me.  Not real life. *
[/QUOTE]


@movingforward 
The bold really stood out to me because I feel like we as single Christian women do sit around and wait for some guy to show up. But now I'm beginning to think that that mentally is what makes you end up single.

Although I do think that some women are directed from God to wait or have heard the promise of God that their husband would come at a certain time. I however cannot say God has instructed me that way so I can no longer wait around for this magically guy to wind up on my door step.


----------



## Lucia

futureapl said:


> Ladies I have been a lurker for quite some time now. I recently got engaged. God truly wrote our love story.



Congrats! Beautiful engagement story.


----------



## Lucia

You know this past year has been ups and downs but I have really made it my priority to allow Jesus to work in every area of my life.i used to compartmentalize this part is for God but this I do on my own. Well that didn't turn out well at all for me.

I've always been one to keep on living and always try to look cute everywhere I go especially to outing a and functions. I'm not going to chase a guy but I don't hide myself away either.  I still try to participate in hobbies I like. I'm still single but I'm in a different head space with it it does t bother me like it used to. Do I sometimes ask God where is he? Yes I'm human it's pretty the desert over here but I'm sound my part working on myself healing learning growing so I can be the woman God wanted me to be. Of course with all
that I won't be going it alone this time. I'm waiting in God for the next one.

Isaiah 55:11 
11 So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper _in the thing_for which I sent it.


----------



## Lucia

http://abc7chicago.com/health/life-saving-liver-donation-leads-to-love-for-frankfort-couple/1147452/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> http://abc7chicago.com/health/life-saving-liver-donation-leads-to-love-for-frankfort-couple/1147452/



As Pastor Evans said in his video this is an example of love before first sight. True heroic sacrificial love. Wow.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Why don't Christian men pursue their Christian sisters?


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> Why don't Christian men pursue their Christian sisters?



Though we are a 'set apart' community, a lot of us are influenced by the general culture. And quite frankly what we see in the general culture is frightening, to the point that it puts everyone on guard.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

This book y'all.  
THIS BOOK!  
This man broke down how relationships should progress.
It was a beautiful book and I know it's the ideal, but THIS is what I want.  *sigh*


----------



## Rumbii

https://www.amazon.com/Wait-See-Finding-Peace-Pauses/dp/0781413559

This book really helped me. I hope it will help someone too.


----------



## movingforward

Maracujá said:


> Though we are a 'set apart' community, a lot of us are influenced by the general culture. And quite frankly what we see in the general culture is frightening, to the point that it puts everyone on guard.



Agreed.  As much as men want a "good Christian woman" they really want a bad girl.  Christian women have this stigma(s) that we are boring, extremely chaste, etc.  Depending on the man, its hard to break away from those stigmas, until he reaches a point of maturity.

I turned 40 a few days ago and I have thought long and hard about my single status.  Do I believe I will get married in my 40s.....yes.  Don't know how or when, I just know.   But I'm no longer going to limit my dating life and examine and cross examine to see if this guy is "marriage material". I will know and I will just enjoy the time (not in a relationship) with the guy until a better prospect comes along.


----------



## Maracujá

movingforward said:


> Agreed.  As much as men want a "good Christian woman" they really want a bad girl.  Christian women have this stigma(s) that we are boring, extremely chaste, etc.  *Depending on the man, its hard to break away from those stigmas, until he reaches a point of maturity.*
> 
> I turned 40 a few days ago and I have thought long and hard about my single status.  Do I believe I will get married in my 40s.....yes.  Don't know how or when, I just know.   But I'm no longer going to limit my dating life and examine and cross examine to see if this guy is "marriage material". I will know and I will just enjoy the time (not in a relationship) with the guy until a better prospect comes along.



Oh yes! I am very popular among 50 year olds, I wish men my age would feel the same about me but alas. Anyhoo, right now I am trying to prepare financially for prolonged singleness.


----------



## kanozas

Maracujá said:


> Oh yes! I am very popular among 50 year olds, I wish men my age would feel the same about me but alas. Anyhoo, right now I am trying to prepare financially for prolonged singleness.




I am not making light of your dilemma but that was humorous and made me laugh. 

________________________________________________________

Question:  Are the ladies here broadening the potential pool of men to include people not in your cultural/racial or denominational circle, if possible?


----------



## movingforward

Maracujá said:


> Oh yes! I am very popular among 50 year olds, I wish men my age would feel the same about me but alas. *Anyhoo, right now I am trying to prepare financially for prolonged singleness.*



Me too!!  Although I believe I will get married in my 40s.  I spent my 30s single and sexless.  I WILL NOT spend my 40s the same way.  I just cant.


----------



## movingforward

kanozas said:


> Question:  Are the ladies here broadening the potential pool of men to include people not in your cultural/racial or denominational circle, if possible?



Yes.  I always have broaden my pool in that area.  Now, I'm including divorcees and men with children.  

I've only met one man in my life that was over 40, childless and has never been married.  

A friend and I was discussing how narrow my pool is because I refuse to date certain men.  SHe has a point.  but I dont see the wisdom in widening my pool for any type of guy.  It would be me to fall in love WITH THE WRONG GUY.


----------



## Maracujá

kanozas said:


> *I am not making light of your dilemma but that was humorous and made me laugh.*



No problem, nowadays I just try to keep it lighthearted


----------



## TrueSugar




----------



## Maracujá

Anyone here with aspirations of being a stay at home single...or is that just me? Or to just be financially independent at this stage in your life?


----------



## movingforward

Maracujá said:


> Anyone here with aspirations of being a stay at home single...or is that just me? Or to just be financially independent at this stage in your life?



Yes! I actually was fortunate enough to do it for about two years and was ok financially. I would prefer to work from home and travel for work.  But I'm in the works of setting myself up that when I decide to "retire" early I can travel More often.


----------



## Maracujá

movingforward said:


> *Yes! I actually was fortunate enough to do it for about two years and was ok financially.* I would prefer to work from home and travel for work.  But I'm in the works of setting myself up that when I decide to "retire" early I can travel More often.



Details please


----------



## movingforward

Maracujá said:


> Details please




I just save money for eight years.   Also I made sure to keep my dead level such as credit card. This go-round I'm illuminating all of my debt in student loans so I can put more money towards. I would like to travel the world more and I plan to do that at least the next six years, God willing. Also I increase my annual income by constantly applying for jobs where I receive better pay.


----------



## Maracujá

movingforward said:


> *I just save money for eight years.*   Also I made sure to keep my dead level such as credit card. This go-round I'm illuminating all of my debt in student loans so I can put more money towards. I would like to travel the world more and I plan to do that at least the next six years, God willing. *Also I increase my annual income by constantly applying for jobs where I receive better pay.*



Ok, thank you for answering. How were you able to save for eight years? What was your living situation like? Did you have one steady job or did you switch jobs during that time?

And about increasing your annual income: I find myself in the same boat right now, I've landed a good job but I'm so afraid of not being able to deliver and losing the job per consequence. Any tips regarding that? TIA for your answers.


----------



## movingforward

Maracujá said:


> Ok, thank you for answering. How were you able to save for eight years? What was your living situation like? Did you have one steady job or did you switch jobs during that time?
> 
> And about increasing your annual income: I find myself in the same boat right now, I've landed a good job but I'm so afraid of not being able to deliver and losing the job per consequence. Any tips regarding that? TIA for your answers.



I had money in 401K and personal savings.  I didnt job hop but applied for a different position within my company.  lived minimally....not to say I didn't shop or travel.  I just socked money away.  I learned early on to always be on the look out for another job, whilst performing above expectations in my current role.  It takes at minimum for me to get another job about 8 months.

When it comes to jobs (anything really)  don't operate out of fear.  Talk to God figure out the direction for your life.  For me I'm learning and absorbing as much as I can....while I'm looking for me better position.  Either way Father won't move me until he says it's time..


----------



## Belle Du Jour

http://www1.cbn.com/devotions/when-it-seems-like-god-is-sleeping


----------



## Belle Du Jour

To All My Sisters Who Are Praying For A Husband.

I want to encourage you to stop.  Hear me out...
The Bible tells us that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor with the Lord. Proverbs 18:22. That says a whole lot more than we give it credit for.

This verse in Proverbs speaks volumes about the order of things in God's kingdom.Genesis Chapter 1 tells the story of God deciding to make the earth and everything on it.  He then makes man and has man proceed to set everything up, get everything in order and lock it down.  He blesses everything that Adam does and in Chapter 2, God lays down the rules regarding the tree of life for Adam, in other words, He gives Adam the vision. Notice that Eve wasn't even there yet. We'll get back to that.

Once man has done all his preparing and organizing and gotten the vision from God  (learns what it is that God wants him to do), then God says that its not good for him to be alone, lets make him a help meet.
That's when woman is taken out of what was already made and created to be a second half.

Why did I mention all of this?

Because ladies, I'd like to present to you the idea that its time to stop praying for your husband to appear, but instead, its time to pray and thank God for your marriages, and pray for yourself as a wife. Faith is an interesting thing, I tell you.

There are two types of women. The first type is simply that, a woman. She was made to be a woman and without the grace and mercy of God has no business being anybody's wife. Y'all know what I'm talking about, you see them and hear about them all the time.  They have no desire to be anybody's team mate or help meet or anything else for that matter. It's all about them and what they want and when they want it.  And you can't fault them because they're just living out their nature.  But there's even hope for the woman because with prayer, supplication, study and sacrifice, she too can be a Godly wife. *God's grace is sufficient for ALL of us*

The second type is what is referred to in Proverbs 31 as the virtuous woman.This is a woman who was created to be a wife. God has instilled within her the desire to be married, to be submitted, to be loved and cared for and to reverence her husband, to care for the people in her life and children if they are her heart's desire, to be a servant to the people who she loves because she's confident in the love she has for herself.

Some of us feel like we are are just born to do it, and we are born to do it because God makes us that way. Some of us are born to be a wife. And what we do, we do it well. *Yeah, we don't always get it right, we stumble and make mistakes*, but what we are at our very core, is a woman who knows how to be a wife. If you're reading this post, that's probably the call that God has placed on you.  Knowing that you were created to be a wife that will cause your thinking to change.

*If you were created to be a wife then that means your husband was made to be your husband. In other words, you don't have to pray him into existence because he already exists.* Here's where it gets good ladies. I tell you, God thinks of everything. *Ain't He awesome?!

Eve didn't get there before Adam*, Adam was already in position and he had already gotten the vision from God. Adam didn't even know he needed help, but God knew, and God created what he needed. This tells me that before I knew I was supposed to be somebody's wife, my husband had already been chosen by God and everything that man needed was put inside of me. As a matter of fact, after we got married my husband would always say that God gave him more than what he wanted, He gave him what he needed when He gave him me. And I'm so thankful that He did!

But see, that's God's order of things.  That's why God says its the man who finds a wife, not a wife who prays for a husband.

See, God loves His women a great deal, and He sees us as the gift that he gives to man.  *He is our protector, our Ultimate Daddy.* Knowing this, *He set up the order of things for the man to find, nurture and cherish the woman he isgiven*. All you have to do is be _*found*_. That's it.
We don't have to make it happen *because its already been done.*
You just sit pretty and be ready to be found.

I encourage you to change your prayers. Stop praying for a husband.
If you're a wife, that means you've already got one. Just sit pretty and wait for him to find you. *And when the time is right, he will find you.* But to be found, you have to be ready to be pulled out of where you are and fashioned into something new.  *The only way to do this is to focus on God and what He is saying to you.*  When you believe God's going to do something for you, you prepare yourself for it. I encourage you to devote yourself to learning about how to be a Godly wife so that when your day comes, you'll have some virtue to bring honor to your husband and glory to God.

*Waiting does not consist of dating*. Waiting consists of being selective and very protective of who you give your time and attention to. One of the reasons why the man is supposed to have to look for you is because you're supposed to be so hidden in God, so wrapped up in Him (and yourself) that he has to literally make you notice him, make you see him.
*
He's supposed to work for it not get it handed to him on a silver platter.*   Come on ladies, we have to keep it real. I guarantee you that if you stop looking you'll get found. *It may not happen over night* because of the facts of life, but God's word is always yes and amen. He says in Isaiah that His Word will *NOT *return to Him void.  It will ALWAYS accomplish that which He sent it to do. Isaiah 55:11. Stand on that.
*
Get all the knuckleheads and fools out of your life.* They're taking up valuable space and making it harder for your husband to find you. Be selective about yours, get into the Word and find out how much you're worth. If anyone needs help with this, let's encourage each other in the Lord. If you're struggling in this area, say so, and allow your sisters in God to lift you up in prayer, hold you accountable and keep you reminded of what the Word says. I wish there was less judgment in the church and more love and encouragement. We all gotta start from somewhere.

Be encouraged!
-----_pmrannie_


----------



## movingforward

So been on Christian Mingle for six months.  No bites.  I do find it interesting that the cutest guys have like three plus children....divorce of course. Or they are just ugly.


----------



## mz.rae

I find it disappointing how now a days people think messaging people is being there for them especially while in a relationship. What ever happened to actually physically being there for people?


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## Belle Du Jour

mz.rae said:


> I find it disappointing how now a days people think messaging people is being there for them especially while in a relationship. What ever happened to actually physically being there for people?



Social media and electronic communication has ruined everything. I try to reach out to people by phone, text, email even handwritten cards. Some may think I'm a weirdo.


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## phynestone

@mz.rae @Belle Du Jour 

You ladies aren't weird. I too am an individual who prefers physical interaction over social media. 

I also think some people use these new tools as weapons to justify missed communication as well. The right people will appreciate your efforts. 

I realized that it's best to just live for God. Not for anyone else. You can change your appearance, personality, careers, social circle all to impress those who won't matter over time. I look back over my life, the struggles I've endured and ask myself where are the people who were making mountains over these now-molehills? Not one has remained in my life, pays my bills, helped me get my job or anything else. I'll stick to doing me. And being more confident in myself and everything I do, regardless of what people think.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> To All My Sisters Who Are Praying For A Husband.
> 
> I want to encourage you to stop.  Hear me out...
> The Bible tells us that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor with the Lord. Proverbs 18:22. That says a whole lot more than we give it credit for.
> 
> This verse in Proverbs speaks volumes about the order of things in God's kingdom.Genesis Chapter 1 tells the story of God deciding to make the earth and everything on it.  He then makes man and has man proceed to set everything up, get everything in order and lock it down.  He blesses everything that Adam does and in Chapter 2, God lays down the rules regarding the tree of life for Adam, in other words, He gives Adam the vision. Notice that Eve wasn't even there yet. We'll get back to that.
> 
> Once man has done all his preparing and organizing and gotten the vision from God  (learns what it is that God wants him to do), then God says that its not good for him to be alone, lets make him a help meet.
> That's when woman is taken out of what was already made and created to be a second half.
> 
> Why did I mention all of this?
> 
> Because ladies, I'd like to present to you the idea that its time to stop praying for your husband to appear, but instead, its time to pray and thank God for your marriages, and pray for yourself as a wife. Faith is an interesting thing, I tell you.
> 
> There are two types of women. The first type is simply that, a woman. She was made to be a woman and without the grace and mercy of God has no business being anybody's wife. Y'all know what I'm talking about, you see them and hear about them all the time.  They have no desire to be anybody's team mate or help meet or anything else for that matter. It's all about them and what they want and when they want it.  And you can't fault them because they're just living out their nature.  But there's even hope for the woman because with prayer, supplication, study and sacrifice, she too can be a Godly wife. *God's grace is sufficient for ALL of us*
> 
> The second type is what is referred to in Proverbs 31 as the virtuous woman.This is a woman who was created to be a wife. God has instilled within her the desire to be married, to be submitted, to be loved and cared for and to reverence her husband, to care for the people in her life and children if they are her heart's desire, to be a servant to the people who she loves because she's confident in the love she has for herself.
> 
> Some of us feel like we are are just born to do it, and we are born to do it because God makes us that way. Some of us are born to be a wife. And what we do, we do it well. *Yeah, we don't always get it right, we stumble and make mistakes*, but what we are at our very core, is a woman who knows how to be a wife. If you're reading this post, that's probably the call that God has placed on you.  Knowing that you were created to be a wife that will cause your thinking to change.
> 
> *If you were created to be a wife then that means your husband was made to be your husband. In other words, you don't have to pray him into existence because he already exists.* Here's where it gets good ladies. I tell you, God thinks of everything. *Ain't He awesome?!
> 
> Eve didn't get there before Adam*, Adam was already in position and he had already gotten the vision from God. Adam didn't even know he needed help, but God knew, and God created what he needed. This tells me that before I knew I was supposed to be somebody's wife, my husband had already been chosen by God and everything that man needed was put inside of me. As a matter of fact, after we got married my husband would always say that God gave him more than what he wanted, He gave him what he needed when He gave him me. And I'm so thankful that He did!
> 
> But see, that's God's order of things.  That's why God says its the man who finds a wife, not a wife who prays for a husband.
> 
> See, God loves His women a great deal, and He sees us as the gift that he gives to man.  *He is our protector, our Ultimate Daddy.* Knowing this, *He set up the order of things for the man to find, nurture and cherish the woman he isgiven*. All you have to do is be _*found*_. That's it.
> We don't have to make it happen *because its already been done.*
> You just sit pretty and be ready to be found.
> 
> I encourage you to change your prayers. Stop praying for a husband.
> If you're a wife, that means you've already got one. Just sit pretty and wait for him to find you. *And when the time is right, he will find you.* But to be found, you have to be ready to be pulled out of where you are and fashioned into something new.  *The only way to do this is to focus on God and what He is saying to you.*  When you believe God's going to do something for you, you prepare yourself for it. I encourage you to devote yourself to learning about how to be a Godly wife so that when your day comes, you'll have some virtue to bring honor to your husband and glory to God.
> 
> *Waiting does not consist of dating*. Waiting consists of being selective and very protective of who you give your time and attention to. One of the reasons why the man is supposed to have to look for you is because you're supposed to be so hidden in God, so wrapped up in Him (and yourself) that he has to literally make you notice him, make you see him.
> *
> He's supposed to work for it not get it handed to him on a silver platter.*   Come on ladies, we have to keep it real. I guarantee you that if you stop looking you'll get found. *It may not happen over night* because of the facts of life, but God's word is always yes and amen. He says in Isaiah that His Word will *NOT *return to Him void.  It will ALWAYS accomplish that which He sent it to do. Isaiah 55:11. Stand on that.
> *
> Get all the knuckleheads and fools out of your life.* They're taking up valuable space and making it harder for your husband to find you. Be selective about yours, get into the Word and find out how much you're worth. If anyone needs help with this, let's encourage each other in the Lord. If you're struggling in this area, say so, and allow your sisters in God to lift you up in prayer, hold you accountable and keep you reminded of what the Word says. I wish there was less judgment in the church and more love and encouragement. We all gotta start from somewhere.
> 
> Be encouraged!
> -----_pmrannie_



Thank you for posting this. I needed an encouraging word today.


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## beingofserenity




----------



## Belle Du Jour

For the women that want to be mothers, at what age or what point would you seriously consider adopting as a single woman?


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> For the women that want to be mothers, at what age or what point would you seriously consider adopting as a single woman?



This is going to sound harsh but here it is.  
I wouldn't consider it as a single woman, married yes. Here's why and this is all my POV: 

1. It's hard enough to find a good man to marry much less being a single mom no matter the circumstances that got one there.  We all know most men will not take care of another mans kids and that's what a SM will look like to them before they know the whole story.  It's different when you're already married or engaged and talk about possibly adopting a child then you know whether he's on board or not.  We like to think men are less shallow than that but we know most aren't and quite frankly he's not obliged to sign up for that even if he's into you. 

2. It seems as adopting while being single it's no better than having a child out of wedlock or bringing that child into an already "broken" home because of the struggles and lack of father figure will produce the same effects on the child emotionally and spiritually. There is no "man" to cover the woman's (and the child's) head and answer for them. 

3. It would be like making that decision for God in your own human timing and not His in other words your will not His be done. And that would show a doubt in ones own faith that God would and will bless them with a family when the time is right.


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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> This is going to sound harsh but here it is.
> I wouldn't consider it as a single woman, married yes. Here's why and this is all my POV:
> 
> 1. It's hard enough to find a good man to marry much less being a single mom no matter the circumstances that got one there.  We all know most men will not take care of another mans kids and that's what a SM will look like to them before they know the whole story.  It's different when you're already married or engaged and talk about possibly adopting a child then you know whether he's on board or not.  We like to think men are less shallow than that but we know most aren't and quite frankly he's not obliged to sign up for that even if he's into you.
> 
> 2. It seems as adopting while being single it's no better than having a child out of wedlock or bringing that child into an already "broken" home because of the struggles and lack of father figure will produce the same effects on the child emotionally and spiritually. There is no "man" to cover the woman's (and the child's) head and answer for them.
> 
> 3. It would be like making that decision for God in your own human timing and not His in other words your will not His be done. And that would show a doubt in ones own faith that God would and will bless them with a family when the time is right.



I think if a woman adopts as a single she most likely has concluded that marriage may not be in the cards. 

What if a woman is beyond child bearing years?

While I do think a two parent home is ideal, I do think single parent adoption is still a loving option for a child who has no one. I don't think adopting is at all akin to going to the sperm bank to have a child which to me shows a lack of faith. 

I think it's a situation that requires serious serious discernment.


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## Maracujá

How will you ladies be spending the holidays?


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## kanozas

Isn't declaring women with children damaged goods and this positioning and comparisons we do  kinda catty?  Are women worth more than securing some validation from a man?  If, by contrast, we look at the "damaged goods" of men who are in the make (not attained their career goals, in school, promiscuous, non-committal minded but settling, emotional immaturity etc.), it doesn't get half the negative attention we women pay to one another.  Besides, isn't the most important reason not to have pre-marital/extra-marital sex is not to offend G-d - not making oneself "less valuable?"

IMO, one reason it's more difficult for Black American women to marry is that there is no present cultural support system in place to help them marry well as most all other cultures have.   They are on their own these days.  I'm not talking about marrying a Black man but that the Black American culture she comes from is not supporting her in ways that other cultures support their girls in marriage.    Our 'value' is not in being found but in existing, period.

Of all the women (in general) waiting for marriage to just find them, most of those will remain single.  Look at the Black churches.  Plenty of single women are waiting for eternity  while pastor's  are fat-stacking benjis and he's preaching "wait on that L-rd...let your Boaz find ya."  Boaz #dead.   No other cultures in Christendom I know of quote Boaz in the manner that Black women do.   Look at Jesus' mother, Mary.  She was PREGNANT before the engagement was sealed and contract finalized.  Maybe there's something in that as well?

Seeking a mate  requires active participation.  Just think, if there is cultural support, that girl isn't just sitting there twiddling her holy thumbs for a prince to show up.  She's vetting people, her family is vetting people in a network of matchmakers.  I propose that BW start a system of matchmakers if their own families are not privy to such.  Wait, that's a lucrative idea...  Maybe "Boaz finding a bride" equates to modern models of dating and marriage?  Nobody dated in the days of the scriptures.

As for single parents adopting, well, some women don't want to marry.  Some of those willing to accept a child who needs _someone   _to love him/her.  How many of them rot in orphanages or foster homes, never having the chance?  Before you know it, they're 18 and on their own.  These blessed souls taking in a child while single are saints in my book.  They aren't looking for a man to validate their existence.  Are they any differ from those in religious life running orphanages?  Not really.   And truthfully, plenty of single women with children marry, many of them happily.  Shrugs.  Maybe the focus ought not be on damning someone in a single-parent circumstance "no matter how they got there."  Goodness knows, men die and you're on your own.  Life doesn't end and you're no less valuable than anyone else.  Shrugs.  If that's the type of attitude a guy  takes then, obviously, that man is of no caliber for you.


----------



## Lucia

Lucia said:


> This is going to sound harsh but here it is.
> I wouldn't consider it as a single woman, married yes. Here's why and this is all my POV:
> 
> 1. It's hard enough to find a good man to marry much less being a single mom no matter the circumstances that got one there.  We all know most men will not take care of another mans kids and that's what a SM will look like to them before they know the whole story.  It's different when you're already married or engaged and talk about possibly adopting a child then you know whether he's on board or not.  We like to think men are less shallow than that but we know most aren't and quite frankly he's not obliged to sign up for that even if he's into you.
> 
> *2. It seems as adopting while being single it's no better than having a child out of wedlock or bringing that child into an already "broken" home because of the struggles and lack of father figure will produce the same effects on the child emotionally and spiritually. There is no "man" to cover the woman's (and the child's) head and answer for them. *
> 
> 3. It would be like making that decision for God in your own human timing and not His in other words your will not His be done. And that would show a doubt in ones own faith that God would and will bless them with a family when the time is right.



To clarify  bolded 2, the point I was trying to make is that even with the best of intentions that does not automatically cancel out the effects of being a single mom. I wasn't equating the act of adopting to the act of intentionally fornicating and having a baby OOW.
I was equating it to the effects that are produced in each case. Those effects are hard, difficult, sometimes tragic.  Those effects can happen to any SM and her children no matter how beyond her own control or noble her situation is look at the stats.  Now a women shouldn't a need the man to validate her, but she does need a good upstanding Christian man to compliment her, help her, to pick up where she can't fill in those gaps. Whether we women want to admit or not, a non-abusive 2 parent, married man-woman household is always better than any other situation.  Whether divorced, OOW, widowed, or other personal tragedies. I purposefully did not get into widows or divorce etc... cause those are complicated situations.

I have personal experience of how women and children are taken advantage of in every way in this world when they are alone with no husband or father, uncle or older brother, or a good man in the family to protect them under his wing and stand up for them.  There is a difference between being forced into a situation by circumstnces or tragedies and making a conscious choice to bring a child into a single parent home- which is by definition a broken home. I want to emphasize the consequences of our choices/actions. We have come a long way as women but we cannot turn the family hierarchy in it's head and be surprised when we suffer the consequences. That's not the popular consensus but it's unfortunately true.

What's nuns do may appear the same but they not only have the Preist, Bishops, and ultimately the Popes assistance but they are under the protective mantle of those men plus first theyre under the mantle of Jesus. They sacrificed their lives to serve God in whatever capacity. Normal every day women are not required to go so far above and beyond, but if it's a choice they consciously make they shouldn't go into it blind and not expect many hardships.

And if a woman finds herself in a SM situation she should prepare, pray, and get and stay in the Word, cause the devil can and will reek havoc on her and her children's lives because it's an open door.  She can offer it all up to Jesus and make Him the head of her household.  That doesn't mean the struggles and hardships won't happen but they will survive hopefully with minimal emotional, mental, or physical  damage.

If my post appears to stigmatize any SM that's not my intention, but how can we fix the problems in our community in our country and by extension the world if we can't face the cold harshness of how this world really is?


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> How will you ladies be spending the holidays?



After we go to church make our visits, open presents etc.  I  am going to make pot of hot cocoa and watch my favorite Christmas movies.


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## Lucia

Repost


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## Lucia

movingforward said:


> Me too!!  Although I believe I will get married in my 40s.  I spent my 30s single and sexless.  I WILL NOT spend my 40s the same way.  I just cant.



@Maracujá 
Ladies please check out the finance section here on the boards.  Even when we do get married we have to know how to balance the finances.


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## Lucia




----------



## mz.rae

Had a moment of weakness, I created a new Facebook page and lo and behold I get a friend request from an ex. A part of me was saying don't accept it just leave it sitting there, even my best friend to leave it sitting. But what do I do? I accepted it. Thinking well if he extended an olive branch, and I'm trying to put aside my grudge and ill feelings toward him why not? It's been 3 years. And it's like since then I've been having weird dreams involving him, I'm checking my inbox and wondering if I should message him just to say hey. I don't want to be with him the relationship was toxic and knowing him he doesn't add his exes to talk to them.

It's funny how I started a new page to start fresh just to get friend requested from an ex. I'm reminded of why the past should stay in the past. And if you have overcame something then don't go back to bondage by allowing what you have been freed from to enter your life. Soul ties are really something else. I forgive him for what he did to me and I known he forgave me for what I did to him, though I do want to write him and apologize for what I did. But I'm not sure we could be friends or why I would even want to be friends.


----------



## Lucia

mz.rae said:


> Had a moment of weakness, I created a new Facebook page and lo and behold I get a friend request from an ex. A part of me was saying don't accept it just leave it sitting there, even my best friend to leave it sitting. But what do I do? I accepted it. Thinking well if he extended an olive branch, and I'm trying to put aside my grudge and ill feelings toward him why not? It's been 3 years. And it's like since then I've been having weird dreams involving him, I'm checking my inbox and wondering if I should message him just to say hey. I don't want to be with him the relationship was toxic and knowing him he doesn't add his exes to talk to them.
> 
> It's funny how I started a new page to start fresh just to get friend requested from an ex. I'm reminded of why the past should stay in the past. And if you have overcame something then don't go back to bondage by allowing what you have been freed from to enter your life. Soul ties are really something else. I forgive him for what he did to me and I known he forgave me for what I did to him, though I do want to write him and apologize for what I did. But I'm not sure we could be friends or why I would even want to be friends.



Jesus said forgive, Shakespeare said forgive and forget. I'm not saying make him your enemy, but if he's hurt you in the past forgivenesss is good but be cautious in having any sort of friendship with this man. I would be wondering what he wants, but that's just me.


----------



## kanozas

@Lucia

ETA:  On second thought, succinctly to the point...


I truly hope Christian woman can learn  support each other rather than shoving down their throats how they are considered failures in some sense.   There truly is someone for everyone.  

_Single Christian Women's Support _- there was so stipulation on how they are single.   Why not focus on HOW to marry in whichever stage of singlehood they are in?

  The point of this thread is not to fix community social problems but to *focus on marriage and living out singleness until marriage*....right where a woman is today.


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## mz.rae

Lucia said:


> Jesus said forgive, Shakespeare said forgive and forget. I'm not saying make him your enemy, but if he's hurt you in the past forgivenesss is good but be cautious in having any sort of friendship with this man. I would be wondering what he wants, but that's just me.


Thanks you! Yes I was wondering what he wanted cause after we broke up he said he hated me. And then a few days later said he forgave me for what I did. And he was going around telling people I was a friend of his sisters and trying to deny or forget that chapter of his life. But from what I've seen him do in the past when were together, was he would befriend his ex in Facebook and when I would ask him about it he would say he forgave them. But when they would comment or try to talk to him he would be cold towards them. So it was like ok so why did you add them then in the first place.


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## kanozas

kanozas said:


> Look at Jesus' mother, Mary. She was PREGNANT before the engagement was sealed and contract finalized. Maybe there's something in that as well?




Um, not saying it's something to do but that the rules of family and marriage differed in the way in which the Messiah came, through outward appearances.   Mary has suffered from all those speaking what they thought they knew and, like Jesus, maybe that makes her even more a Mother to women who have had children oow.  Saying that we judge too much and oftentimes, we judge what we think we see but aren't privy to the details.  Shrugs.  No, I've never had kids oow.  I do know of the embarrassment women face who have, esp. in the Christian community.  Clarifying my initial  statement as I'm not promoting oow situations.  Just, after-the-fact, whaddayagonnado?  Gotta move one and upwards.

______

@Lucia  I'm not trying to be mean or anything but it kinda stung...those opinions on single motherhood.   Do you know how many widows are on here?  Quite a few of us.  We can't just go out and refill that place just so someone doesn't take advantage of us  or so we will not "struggle" trying to provide for our families in all ways.  Life hands out lemons sometimes.  It's not our fault.


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## kanozas

mz.rae said:


> Thanks you! Yes I was wondering what he wanted cause after we broke up he said he hated me. And then a few days later said he forgave me for what I did. .



Not going to pry but if what u did was expose him  (toxic relationship) or decide to move on, don't feel guilty in the least.  He sounds like he's manipulating u to get back for his loss.  Please  unfriend  him stat.  No toxic person is worth it.  Guard ur personal peace.


----------



## mz.rae

kanozas said:


> Not going to pry but if what u did was expose him  (toxic relationship) or decide to move on, don't feel guilty in the least.  He sounds like he's manipulating u to get back for his loss.  Please  unfriend  him stat.  No toxic person is worth it.  Guard ur personal peace.


Thank you! Yes I believe I am going to delete him. Outside of the friend request and liking one of my pictures he hasn't made any other contact with me. Back when we were together after we had met up for a talk, he followed me while I was hanging out with a guy from church. He said I was cheating which I guess so. Me and the guy weren't doing anything just hanging out. I felt bad for hurting him. After we broke up I later was talking to another woman who was saying he was trying to talk to her while me and him were still together. I still feel bad for what I did to him because I was wrong. But since he was out doing the same thing and no telling how many others there were I know I shouldn't feel that bad.


----------



## kanozas

mz.rae said:


> Thank you! Yes I believe I am going to delete him. Outside of the friend request and liking one of my pictures he hasn't made any other contact with me. Back when we were together after we had met up for a talk, he followed me while I was hanging out with a guy from church. He said I was cheating which I guess so. Me and the guy weren't doing anything just hanging out. I felt bad for hurting him. After we broke up I later was talking to another woman who was saying he was trying to talk to her while me and him were still together. I still feel bad for what I did to him because I was wrong. But since he was out doing the same thing and no telling how many others there were I know I shouldn't feel that bad.




Was there a marriage contract?  Were you exclusively announced?  If not, well.  He doesn't own you.  He's hurt, so what.  Let him put on his big boy drawls and leave the Spiderman toddler pants.  If you all didn't declare exclusivity, I don't see the problem here.  Gurl, don't let this guy keep you on any kind of string.  Cut totally, block him after you unfriend him.  He's stalking you, possibly.  And probably cuz his latest "relationship" didn't work out either lol.


----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> Um, not saying it's something to do but that the rules of family and marriage differed in the way in which the Messiah came, through outward appearances.   Mary has suffered from all those speaking what they thought they knew and, like Jesus, maybe that makes her even more a Mother to women who have had children oow.  Saying that we judge too much and oftentimes, we judge what we think we see but aren't privy to the details.  Shrugs.  No, I've never had kids oow.  I do know of the embarrassment women face who have, esp. in the Christian community.  Clarifying my initial  statement as I'm not promoting oow situations.  Just, after-the-fact, whaddayagonnado?  Gotta move one and upwards.
> 
> ______
> 
> @Lucia  I'm not trying to be mean or anything but it kinda stung...those opinions on single motherhood.   Do you know how many widows are on here?  Quite a few of us.  We can't just go out and refill that place just so someone doesn't take advantage of us  or so we will not "struggle" trying to provide for our families in all ways.  Life hands out lemons sometimes.  It's not our fault.



@kanozas 

That particular opinion was not towards widows or divorced mothers I didn't  mention those on purpose I wasn't referring to widows, divorced SM because their situation is more complicated and more different.
I wasn't trying to stigmatize widows or anything of the sort but I just didn't want women adopting all alone even with the best of intentions and not understanding that the many sacrifices and hardships would be more than they could even imagine. I'm also not for people just getting any old Joe off the street to replace their husbands, it's picking a husband all over again,  it takes time and even more responsibility because that man will have to be mature Christian man, a good provider etc... to handle a family and be the protector that I think God wants all husbands and fathers to be.

I would never throw any shade on SDM, SWM etc... cause I'm a child, a product of that environment and all the good intentions in the world many times just weren't enough. That's where my strong  language and opinion on this issue comes from, that's all. I'm not and I wasn't trying to attack you or other SDM or SWM or insinuating anyting of an amoral nature at all.  Or was I blaming you ladies in that particular situation.
I did mention OOW here as an aside here and there because I do think we need to be bold and say that if you have the power to make that choice , it's not a good choice- which we agree on.  That was not directed towards you or any other SDM,SWM.

You may or may not be able to get where I'm coming from but it's the close of the year and I went to confession, so no harm no foul, hope you didn't get too offended, again not my intention. We're good.


----------



## mz.rae

kanozas said:


> Was there a marriage contract?  Were you exclusively announced?  If not, well.  He doesn't own you.  He's hurt, so what.  Let him put on his big boy drawls and leave the Spiderman toddler pants.  If you all didn't declare exclusivity, I don't see the problem here.  Gurl, don't let this guy keep you on any kind of string.  Cut totally, block him after you unfriend him.  He's stalking you, possibly.  And probably cuz his latest "relationship" didn't work out either lol.


We were together 4 in a half years, supposedly exclusive. We talked marriage and engagement, and last time we talked about it he said something about wanting us to be stable. But I believe he was probably cheating behind my back, the only difference is he didn't get caught outright. I am sure there are other women he tried to talk to. I just so happen to have known one of them. He is one of those people I feel likes to play victim a lot because of the attention it brings. And will try to flip things to his advantage. You know typing this out has been really helpful to me. At first when he sent the friend request I was open to being friends or cordial associates. And even kind of wanted to be back with him (something I would never admit to him).

But when I really think about the relationship even though we did have some fun times, dude was really a jerk! There are still scars that I am trying to heal from after being in that relationship and one of them was that I never felt good enough and that something was always wrong with me. And I don't miss having to walk on egg shells with him, where when things were going good they were great! But if I said something he didn't like, or didn't do something he felt I should have done, then he was back to being a jerk. And I definitely don't miss being given the silent treatment. I honestly don't know how I did it for 4 in a half years!


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> @Maracujá
> Ladies please check out the finance section here on the boards.  Even when we do get married we have to know how to balance the finances.



Hope this is not an intrusive question but how do you ladies earn your living? Are y'all working part time / full time and if so, how are you managing your household in the meantime?


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## movingforward

Maracujá said:


> Hope this is not an intrusive question but how do you ladies earn your living? Are y'all working part time / full time and if so, how are you managing your household in the meantime?



I work in HR as a Manager, full-time.  Im primarily trying to pay off all of my debt, buy a house, 'm doing everything by myself.  I hate it.


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## mscurly

What do you guys think about online dating?

I've heard some say that as Christian women we shouldn't try to "make it" happen and just wait on God. While others think there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

I'm starting to feel like just waiting around is wasted time. Yes you can work on yourself, and allow God to continue to work on you as well. But does that mean we should just wait for a man to appear during that time???

I think if God has specifically revealed to you to wait on the man he has for you and not date them you should do that. I can't really say that God ever told me to just wait around. 

Been waiting around for a few years and I'm still single........ just saying


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## blessedandfavoured

mscurly said:


> What do you guys think about online dating?
> 
> I've heard some say that as Christian women we shouldn't try to "make it" happen and just wait on God. While others think there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open.
> 
> I'm starting to feel like just waiting around is wasted time. Yes you can work on yourself, and allow God to continue to work on you as well. But does that mean we should just wait for a man to appear during that time???
> 
> I think if God has specifically revealed to you to wait on the man he has for you and not date them you should do that. I can't really say that God ever told me to just wait around.
> 
> Been waiting around for a few years and I'm still single........ just saying



Hello @mscurly, I think that waiting on God isn't (or doesn't have to be) just sitting around doing nothing (not saying that's what you're doing).  It's actively pursuing a closer relationship with Him and listening for His instructions.  If He has instructed you to do online dating, obey Him.  If He has not instructed you to do online dating, obey Him.  Whilst it's not the first thing I'd recommend, I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with internet dating - like most other things, it can be used for good or evil, depending on what's in the heart of the user.  I do believe, however, that it requires an extra level of vigilance, prayer and discernment that *might* not be necessary with meeting people face-to-face.  

To me, the most important thing is seeking God's will, then doing it.  Never do anything out of fear or desperation, or even curiosity.  It's probably easier said than done, but pour out your heart to God, and let Him comfort, strengthen and direct you.  He's a good Father, and He will not give you a snake instead of a fish.  God bless you, and have a merry Christmas.  This is the season of miracles!  A virgin conceived, what can't God do?

PS: A friend of mine got married recently to a lovely Christina man, after being single for about 14 or 15 years!  She had other prospects (both Christian and other) in that time, and was desperate to get married, but she always listened to the still, small voice of God, and held back.  The Lord provided this man, and she actually said that she's so glad that she waited on Him.  Praise God, He is faithful.


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## Divine.

I say go for it @mscurly! As long you're not doing it out of a place of desperation and God has given you peace about it, I don't see why not.

If you've been waiting years and years, and have yet to see any results, I honestly believe it's time to re-evaluate your "waiting". When you're living life to the fullest and pursuing God's purpose, you inadvertently make yourself more available for possible suitors to pursue you. They can't find you sitting idly in your house!

This is just my personal opinion on the matter.


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## Crystalicequeen123

blessedandfavoured said:


> To me, the most important thing is seeking God's will, then doing it. *Never do anything out of fear or desperation, or even curiosity.  It's probably easier said than done, but pour out your heart to God, and let Him comfort, strengthen and direct you. * He's a good Father, and He will not give you a snake instead of a fish.  God bless you, and have a merry Christmas.  This is the season of miracles!  A virgin conceived, what can't God do?
> 
> PS: A friend of mine got married recently to a lovely Christina man, after being single for about 14 or 15 years!  She had other prospects (both Christian and other) in that time, and was desperate to get married, but she always listened to the still, small voice of God, and held back.  The Lord provided this man, and she actually said that she's so glad that she waited on Him.  Praise God, He is faithful.




^^EXCELLENT point!


I can't stress this enough.  

(Great news about your friend btw! Wow!  )


@mscurly  I understand your dilemma.  I've been in your shoes before (friends urging me to "try" online dating) and I've toyed with the idea myself.  But every single time I think about "trying" online dating or even start to make a profile, something holds me back.

I just don't think that deep down this is the way that I want to meet my future marriage spouse.  Something is telling me deep down that this is not the way...for ME.     Now maybe for you and for others it is the best way they have available.  Everyone knows their own circumstances, and if you have prayed to God about it, and you feel he has given you a sign that it is right for you, then by all means do it.     But the very fact that you're asking a question about it on here gives me the impression that you're not fully convinced yourself whether or not you should go that route. 

I know for me personally, when I really started looking inward and being honest with myself about why I was considering seeking out online dating (even though it went against my gut instinct), I realized that I was considering it based on FEAR.  A fear of never finding someone, a fear of being alone, a fear of reaching 40 and STILL being single...     But then it hit me that I don't _ever _want to be doing anything out of fear. 

When you act in fear, you tend to make poor decisions.   You tend to settle. 


Have you earnestly prayed to God and told him how you feel (not just about your loneliness or desire for a mate but also) about your curiosity/desire to try online dating? Have you asked him for a sign to show you whether or not this medium for finding a husband/bf is a good one for you?

If you haven't done so already, I would consult him and pour your heart out to him and wait and see for the next few weeks what "feeling" or vibe you get.  I honestly believe that if you give a genuine prayer and pour out your heart to him and ask him for his guidance, he will definitely give you a sign.


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> Hope this is not an intrusive question but how do you ladies earn your living? Are y'all working part time / full time and if so, how are you managing your household in the meantime?



I work as a professional in healthcare full time. When I do have a husband and family of my own I would cut back to part time or quit. But first I would like to have some other passive  income stream outside work. I don't want to be a burden on my future hubby.


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## Maracujá

Merry Christmas ladies!


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## phynestone

Merry Christmas!

I visited a church today and a man proposed to his girlfriend towards the end of service. He had orchestrated the whole thing with the reverend prior to service and was a little nervous, hoping she would say yes. The pastor asked the girlfriend to come down from the balcony where the choir was seated as the man got out of the pew and made his way to the front. Other male family members came to stand at the altar where this was taking place. He began his speech, saying how much he loved her and couldn't imagine his life without her. Obtained her parents' blessing and got down on one knee to ask. She said yes and he slipped two - that's right - two rings, one after another, onto her hand. It was so cute. 

This gave me a little encouragement today. I thought it was a nice touch and simple. Not overdone, in the house of the Lord with close family and friends watching.


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## bellatiamarie

phynestone said:


> Merry Christmas!
> 
> I visited a church today and a man proposed to his girlfriend towards the end of service. He had orchestrated the whole thing with the reverend prior to service and was a little nervous, hoping she would say yes. The pastor asked the girlfriend to come down from the balcony where the choir was seated as the man got out of the pew and made his way to the front. Other male family members came to stand at the altar where this was taking place. He began his speech, saying how much he loved her and couldn't imagine his life without her. Obtained her parents' blessing and got down on one knee to ask. She said yes and he slipped two - that's right - two rings, one after another, onto her hand. It was so cute.
> 
> This gave me a little encouragement today. I thought it was a nice touch and simple. Not overdone, in the house of the Lord with close family and friends watching.



That's awesome! Two couples I know got engaged today as well.  I'm happy for them.


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## Maracujá

http://theoneuniversity.com/early-access/ (Preparation is never time wasted )


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## Maracujá

Ladies, how are the other women in your family treated by men? I ask because I am starting to notice a negative pattern within my family.


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## Maracujá




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## bellatiamarie

Maracujá said:


> Ladies, how are the other women in your family treated by men? I ask because I am starting to notice a negative pattern within my family.



Unfortunately, negative within mine also.   I was treated pretty poorly by my ex when I was younger.  Now? I wouldn't dare.


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## mz.rae

I'm so sad right now ladies, I just broke up with my boyfriend and can not stop crying. I'm not sure I did the right thing, it was a long time coming. I don't know ladies I'm just very very sad and even more sad that he is hurt.


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## Lucia

Link between cancer and the pill, pheromone changes and mate selection, etc... really important stuff were not being told when making decisions about our health.


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## Lucia

mz.rae said:


> I'm so sad right now ladies, I just broke up with my boyfriend and can not stop crying. I'm not sure I did the right thing, it was a long time coming. I don't know ladies I'm just very very sad and even more sad that he is hurt.




I know you're hurting now but lay your pain and burdens on Jesus, let him be your BFF during this time. Things will get better just get through 1 day 1 step at a time, keep doing your daily routine as soon as you can, and one day soon you won't be faking it til you make it, you'll really be feeling and doing fine. God works in mysterious ways, trust that He will work things for your good and something better is out there for you.


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> Link between cancer and the pill, pheromone changes and *mate selection*, etc... really important stuff were not being told when making decisions about our health.



That part about mate selection really had my attention! Very interesting stuff! I've never taken the pill, I don't even trust the flu vaccine either. It's already bad enough I have to take medicine for my mental illness.


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## mz.rae

Lucia said:


> I know you're hurting now but lay your pain and burdens on Jesus, let him be your BFF during this time. Things will get better just get through 1 day 1 step at a time, keep doing your daily routine as soon as you can, and one day soon you won't be faking it til you make it, you'll really be feeling and doing fine. God works in mysterious ways, trust that He will work things for your good and something better is out there for you.


Thank you so much!


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


>



@Maracujá 

Thanks for posting this. 
Wow great stuff, all of it short but straight truth. I like all his points finding and keeping your value as a woman, don't chase after a man, make a list of who your are now and who you want to be as a wife (adding: and mother) do they match, proverbs 31, not waiting on a man to fix your problems or set you up in your dream life do it yourself, position yourself as the woman so he can find and chase you.  Going to take these points and expand on them today in adoration.


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## Maracujá

And Jesus *loved* them, so He made them *wait* (John 11:5-6).


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## Belle Du Jour

mz.rae said:


> I'm so sad right now ladies, I just broke up with my boyfriend and can not stop crying. I'm not sure I did the right thing, it was a long time coming. I don't know ladies I'm just very very sad and even more sad that he is hurt.



I'm sorry--I know it's tough.  But He is waiting to comfort you.  Let Him heal your heart.


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## Belle Du Jour




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## Lucia




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## Lucia

This was on point, yes she upsells her book but still a good message


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## Lucia




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## Lucia




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## TrueSugar

Right now I have a guy that is pursuing me that I am not completely attracted too. I dont know if I should just go along or pump the brakes. I am so fearful about dating, but I know that most if it is about being rejected.


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## Lucia

TrueSugar said:


> Right now I have a guy that is pursuing me that I am not completely attracted too. I dont know if I should just go along or pump the brakes. I am so fearful about dating, but I know that most if it is about being rejected.


I came in here to post a video about just this situation from Heather Lindsay, there are no coincidences.

If you think you should slow down or pause and evaluate then pump those brakes. You're not obligated to date a guy just cause he's nice, has a good job, church going Christian etc... if he's not the one then he's not the one. Even if your not head over heals in love with him on two seconds, you should at least have something about him that is drawing you to him.

To play it safe you could just keep it on the friends level, and don't let things progress and pray about it, and who God has for you but really you can't create something from nothing, if you don't find him attractive, then you shouldn't have to force things, or have to "convince" yourself to date someone your just not into enough.  You don't want to spend everyday of the rest of your life married to someone you settled for while struggling everyday to make things work, that's just hell on earth.  

Let Jesus handle this, offer this up in prayer daily and He will show you the way and bring that husband to you.  Like Jackie Francois Angel (YouTube ) said about her husband Jesus picked the best man to be my husband.


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

TrueSugar said:


> Right now I have a guy that is pursuing me that I am not completely attracted too. I dont know if I should just go along or pump the brakes. I am so fearful about dating, but I know that most if it is about being rejected.



I would say give him a shot if it's ONLY based on lack of physical attraction.  That can grow after getting to know a person.  You said you are fearful about dating which leads me to believe that you are self-sabotaging in this situation.  It sounds like you want to cut him off before he has a chance to do that to you.  I would say pray about it but based on what you said, it sounds like you are not clear about what you really want and may be putting up barriers.


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## bellatiamarie

With all that is going on in the world I don't know if I want to have any children any more.  I used to want 6.  I don't think I want to bring any into the world now.  Am I the only one? I trust that if I were to have kids that God would provide and take care of them but the way this world is going I just don't know.  At the end of the day, God's will be done.


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## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> With all that is going on in the world I don't know if I want to have any children any more.  I used to want 6.  I don't think I want to bring any into the world now.  Am I the only one? I trust that if I were to have kids that God would provide and take care of them but the way this world is going I just don't know.  At the end of the day, God's will be done.



Be careful what you say even with little things, remember Jesus said Be more concerned with what comes out of your mouth than what you put in. Matt 15:12-20.
We're human we will have fear, doubt etc... but we can't let that dictate our lives, don't let the enemy manipulate you with fear. Fear helps us be careful keep ourselves safe in bad situations but you must control fear and doubt, not let them control you. If the Lord had put in in your heart to be a wife and mother well dang it that's what your supposed to be doing one day don't let the devil steal your purpose and your joy. That's what he wants to time our human clocks  out until it's too late to fulfill what God intended us to do.

Don't let the enemy fill you with doubt, nip that in the bud, cast him down don't let it take root in your spirit. Don't entertain negative thoughts or words for long, it will take a toll then manifest. Basically we can curse ourselves without even realizing it.  Power of life and death is in the tongue.  Proverbs 18:21

I learned this in mass yesterday, so it's not my wisdom.  He said we should say this little prayer the man prayed especially in times of doubt, fear, disbelief, etc...

* “I do believe; help my unbelief.” *

It's from Mark 9:17-29

*17*And one of the crowd answered Him, “Teacher, I brought You my son, possessed with a spirit which makes him mute; *18*and whenever it seizes him, it slams him _to the ground_ and he foams _at the mouth,_ and grinds his teeth and stiffens out. I told Your disciples to cast it out, and they could not _do it._” *19*And He answered them and said, “O unbelieving generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him to Me!” *20*They brought the boy to Him. When he saw Him, immediately the spirit threw him into a convulsion, and falling to the ground, he _began_ rolling around and foaming _at the mouth._ *21*And He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. *22*“It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” *23*And Jesus said to him, “ ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” *24Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”* *25*When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again.” *26*After crying out and throwing him into terrible convulsions, it came out; and _the boy_ became so much like a corpse that most _of them_ said, “He is dead!” *27*But Jesus took him by the hand and raised him; and he got up. *28*When He came into _the_ house, His disciples _began_ questioning Him privately, “Why could we not drive it out?” *29*And He said to them, “This kind cannot come out by anything but prayer.”

If your just having a hard time during your day, annoying people working your nerves, whatever just say this little prayer anytime- Lord have mercy on me. Oops post got long. Hth


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## Lucia




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## bellatiamarie

Lucia said:


> Be careful what you say even with little things, remember Jesus said Be more concerned with what comes out of your mouth than what you put in. Matt 15:12-20.
> We're human we will have fear, doubt etc... but we can't let that dictate our lives, don't ktpet the enemy manipulate you with fear. Fear helps us be careful keep ourselves safe in bad situations but you must control fear and doubt, not let them control you. If the Lord had put in in your heart to be a wife and mirpthet well dang it that's what your supposed to be doing one day don't let the devil steal your purpose and your joy. That's what he wants to time our human clocks  out until it's too late to fulfill what God intended us to do.
> 
> Don't let the enemy fill you with doubt, nip that in the bud, cast him down don't let it take root in your spirit. Don't entertain negative thoughts or words for long, it will take a toll then manifest. Basically we can curse ourselves without even realizing it.  Power of life and death is in the tongue.  Proverbs 18:21
> 
> I learned this in mass yesterday, so it's not my wisdom.  He said we should say this little prayer the man prayed especially in times of doubt, fear, disbelief, etc...
> 
> * “I do believe; help my unbelief.” *
> 
> It's from Mark 9:17-29
> 
> *17*And one of the crowd answered Him, “Teacher, I brought You my son, possessed with a spirit which makes him mute; *18*and whenever it seizes him, it slams him _to the ground_ and he foams _at the mouth,_ and grinds his teeth and stiffens out. I told Your disciples to cast it out, and they could not _do it._” *19*And He answered them and said, “O unbelieving generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him to Me!” *20*They brought the boy to Him. When he saw Him, immediately the spirit threw him into a convulsion, and falling to the ground, he _began_ rolling around and foaming _at the mouth._ *21*And He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. *22*“It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” *23*And Jesus said to him, “ ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” *24Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”* *25*When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again.” *26*After crying out and throwing him into terrible convulsions, it came out; and _the boy_ became so much like a corpse that most _of them_ said, “He is dead!” *27*But Jesus took him by the hand and raised him; and he got up. *28*When He came into _the_ house, His disciples _began_ questioning Him privately, “Why could we not drive it out?” *29*And He said to them, “This kind cannot come out by anything but prayer.”
> 
> If your just having a hard time during your disrupt eorl, annoying people working your nerves, whatever just say this little prayer anytime- Lord have mercy on me. Oops post got long. Hth



Yes, I agree and understand.  I wanted to have 6 kids.  Just because I want something doesn't necessarily mean it's God's will for my life.  I will admit that there is an element of fear there that I need to address. At the same time I'm learning in my walk to be honest about the difference between my wants and God's will.


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## Lucia




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## Lucia

Duplicate


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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


>



@Lucia God bless you.  This interview was JUST what I needed to hear in THIS moment.  God definitely used you.


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## mz.rae

Now that my relationship has been over I'm trying to get back some consistency in my life. First is finding a church home and being consistent in serving there. Next I want to get back in school and finish my degree.

I have just felt so out of touch and disconnected from God lately. To the point I felt like I needed my ex because he was only one in my life that really poured into me spiritually and now I just feel like I'm on my own. When I would have a bad day at work or needed someone to vent to, he would be the one I would call and talk to. Because I knew he was going to have a scripture for me or something uplifting to say. It just feels weird not having that anymore, I just I don't know feel like I'm sinking into a hole with no way out.


----------



## movingforward

I dreamt that last night I was engaged to this great guy.  He had everything I knew I needed/wanted in my life. We were approved to get married and he wanted to get married right away.

The only thing in the whole dream that gave me pause was a statement about Jesus.  But it was a dream.


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## Maracujá




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## bellatiamarie

bellatiamarie said:


> So... the musician that I told yall about a few weeks ago has been looking me in my face and saying hello and staring.... but that is it.  Boy, bye.
> 
> Granted, I run out of the church house as fast as I can after service .



Sooooo... after church today as I'm helping my grandmother up out of her seat... the guitarist came over to shake my hand.  He had his business card in his hand and as he's shaking my hand he slick passed me the card  I'm not calling him yall  why didn't he just ask for my number? I don't like the ball to be in my court.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> Sooooo... after church today as I'm helping my grandmother up out of her seat... the guitarist came over to shake my hand.  He had his business card in his hand and as he's shaking my hand he slick passed me the card  I'm not calling him yall  why didn't he just ask for my number? I don't like the ball to be in my court.



Wow, it probably took him a long time to work up the courage to do that even if it seems like he was being slick. I think you should have said something like "thank you for the card, but I'd feel much more comfortable if you contacted me" and gave him a nice smile. At that point, if he's smart LOL, he'd ask for your number and call. Sometimes men don't know what to do since there's so much confusion in the world and we have to give them a little break and be direct. Sometimes we have to tell them (nicely LOL) what we want. Then they run with it. Just my 0.02.


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## bellatiamarie

Belle Du Jour said:


> Wow, it probably took him a long time to work up the courage to do that even if it seems like he was being slick. I think you should have said something like "thank you for the card, but I'd feel much more comfortable if you contacted me" and gave him a nice smile. At that point, if he's smart LOL, he'd ask for your number and call. Sometimes men don't know what to do since there's so much confusion in the world and we have to give them a little break and be direct. Sometimes we have to tell them (nicely LOL) what we want. Then they run with it. Just my 0.02.



Thank you @Belle Du Jour. Yeah, I think he was trying to pass me the card on the low without making it a scene.  I would have given him my number had he asked for it but I don't know about contacting him first. His business card does have his phone, email, and Facebook page listed. Should I text, send a message on FB with my phone number?  I don't want to make a big deal out of it.  But that would be kind of awkward if I don't contact him and I have to keep seeing him at church.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> Thank you @Belle Du Jour. Yeah, I think he was trying to pass me the card on the low without making it a scene.  I would have given him my number had he asked for it but I don't know about contacting him first. His business card does have his phone, email, and Facebook page listed. Should I text, send a message on FB with my phone number?  I don't want to make a big deal out of it.  But that would be kind of awkward if I don't contact him and I have to keep seeing him at church.



Hopefully the other ladies will chime in as well but I wouldn't contact him by text, email or phone first. I'd probably say exactly what I said in my earlier post and see what happens. You're not saying it with an attitude or in a demanding way but in a sweet feminine way.


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## Divine.

I don't see anything wrong with texting him your number. Just say who it is and something like "Wish you would've asked for my number personally *insert smiley face* See you in church Sunday!"

I agree with @Belle Du Jour, you need to be direct. Don't assume he should know how you feel because 95% of the time men don't lol


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## bellatiamarie

Divine. said:


> I don't see anything wrong with texting him your number. Just say who it is and something like "Wish you would've asked for my number personally *insert smiley face* See you in church Sunday!"
> 
> I agree with @Belle Du Jour, you need to be direct. Don't assume he should know how you feel because 95% of the time men don't lol



That's what I ended up doing @Divine.  he called last night we talked for about an hour.  Meh  I don't think I'm really interested.  He doesn't seem like a bad guy but..... I don't know.


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## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> Thank you @Belle Du Jour. Yeah, I think he was trying to pass me the card on the low without making it a scene.  I would have given him my number had he asked for it but I don't know about contacting him first. His business card does have his phone, email, and Facebook page listed. Should I text, send a message on FB with my phone number?  I don't want to make a big deal out of it.  But that would be kind of awkward if I don't contact him and I have to keep seeing him at church.



I agree with you don't call him first, he's the man he needs to do the actual pursuing. Handing out his card then sitting back and waiting for you to chase him, sorry I'm not the one for it! Next time you see him just say hi be nice but keep it moving, you shouldn't have to tell him how to pursue you either he needs to man up and do his job. 

Just saw update. 


bellatiamarie said:


> That's what I ended up doing @Divine.  he called last night we talked for about an hour.  Meh  I don't think I'm really interested.  He doesn't seem like a bad guy but..... I don't know.



I still think the man needs to pursue yeah give him a hint or be nice friendly so he gets the hint but don't go out if your way.  Are you unsure because of the way he tried to be slick (like secular guys) and have you call him first? You don't think he tried hard enough to pursue you or at least let you know he's interested? 
He's not your type? 
Sometimes you just know, he's not right for you too.   Just don't think more on it, and live your life if he's supposed to be more he will be if he's not then you're right: don't waste your time (and his) starting a relationship that's not from God he could be an Ismael, to distract you from your Issac who knows.


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## Lucia




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## bellatiamarie

Lucia said:


> Sometimes you just know, he's not right for you too.



This.  I'm not feeling it.  And this has been in the making since August/September of last year.  Too little, too late. 

What should I do because I want this over with before it starts.  I will still have to see him at church or should I find another church


----------



## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> This.  I'm not feeling it.  And this has been in the making since August/September of last year.  Too little, too late.
> 
> What should I do because I want this over with before it starts.  I will still have to see him at church or should I find another church



Nah girl, don't give up a good church for some random dude you barely know.  I mean some churches are big enough that you almost never have to see someone, just keep it on that acquaintance level hi and bye, that's all it doesn't have to be awkward at all.  At best if it took him this long to hand you his number he will hardly pursue or call, and basically eliminate himself.  If worse comes to worse and he's really pursuing you hard just let him know your not into him like that in a nice way but be direct.


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## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> That's what I ended up doing @Divine.  he called last night we talked for about an hour.  Meh  I don't think I'm really interested.  He doesn't seem like a bad guy but..... I don't know.



I think women have a bad tendency to not give guys a chance for no real reason...Unless he's giving you a scary or dangerous vibe, I think you should give him a chance.   Some people advocate giving someone 2-3 dates before making a final decision. I don't think you know enough about him to just walk away at this point IF you are truly serious about finding your life partner.  I'm not telling you to be desperate but I think we sometimes discard people like there is an endless supply of Christian men out there...


----------



## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> This.  I'm not feeling it.  And this has been in the making since August/September of last year.  Too little, too late.
> 
> What should I do because I want this over with before it starts.  I will still have to see him at church or should I find another church



I'm sorry but I'm going to challenge you. You say that you want to get married and you are now in contact with a Christian man that your grandmother helped to orchestrate. You don't feel a spark and basically want it over before it starts. To me your actions are not consistent with your stated goals. I think women who are serious about marriage wil give a potentially marriageable guy at least a chance. You are walking away before you even get to know his character. From the fall to now is not a long time for a guy to work up his courage to approach you. He could have been praying about approaching you and waiting for a confirmation from God. My sense is that there may be some fear holding you back or you're not really ready to be dating. Sometimes the momentum from dating even the wrong guy will move you towards the right guy. Anyway, just my 0.02.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I've been reading very good books and listening to webinars about men and male behavior. I think a lot of times we judge them through a female viewpoint and they don't do things or even think about things the same way. They communicate very differently and I find myself getting frustrated myself with them. Then I take a step back and remember "he probably has a good reason for that."  Just something to keep in mind.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Belle Du Jour said:


> I'm sorry but I'm going to challenge you. You say that you want to get married and you are now in contact with a Christian man that your grandmother helped to orchestrate. You don't feel a spark and basically want it over before it starts. To me your actions are not consistent with your stated goals. I think women who are serious about marriage wil give a potentially marriageable guy at least a chance. You are walking away before you even get to know his character. From the fall to now is not a long time for a guy to work up his courage to approach you. He could have been praying about approaching you and waiting for a confirmation from God. My sense is that there may be some fear holding you back or you're not really ready to be dating. Sometimes the momentum from dating even the wrong guy will move you towards the right guy. Anyway, just my 0.02.



@Belle Du Jour you are absolutely 100% right.  And let me tell you why I wasn't interested initially... he has an 11 year old son and is a divorcee.  That completely turned me off.  But truth be told, I'm 32... most men in my age range have been married and have children. 

And you hit the nail on the head.  I actually went out with him last night and had an AMAZING night  I really like him  but you are so right... I need to get myself together.  He said that he has been watching me for a year and has asked a few people about me .  He seems to be a really good guy.  I know what I asked God for.  I'm a little nervous though.  But I'm glad that I didn't completely cut him off.  So we will see.  But you really nailed it @Belle Du Jour.  Thanks for your advice.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia




----------



## TrueSugar

I wondered why I couldn’t truly throw myself into dating full force. The Father revealed to me that I was not ready. I am not taking care of myself in the way that He wants my husband to cover me. I have a lot of ground to cover in this but I am grateful for the revelation.


----------



## Lucia

Jason Evert

Link to buy book 
http://amzn.to/2mFkdeP


----------



## Lucia

"It is a lesson we all need—to let alone the things that do not concern us. He has other ways for others to follow Him; all do not go by the same path. It is for each of us to learn the path by which He requires us to follow Him, and to follow Him in that path."
— St. Katharine Drexel


----------



## Maracujá

Lucia said:


>



Beautiful and powerful words. I liked what he said about adorning ourselves for the wedding day and forgetting about the marriage. Also, about wanting a ready made marriage instead of a blank canvas that God can paint.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


>



Have you or anyone else done her boot camp? http://www.ashleyempowers.com/new-products/man-ifesting-your-godly-man-bootcamp


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Have you or anyone else done her boot camp? http://www.ashleyempowers.com/new-products/man-ifesting-your-godly-man-bootcamp



No I haven't, I'm wondering if I should pay for a program, cause relationships aren't a one technique works for all, when there are tons of books and articles out there. Idk I'm thinking about it.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> No I haven't, I'm wondering if I should pay for a program, cause relationships aren't a one technique works for all, when there are tons of books and articles out there. Idk I'm thinking about it.



I agree with you. There's already SO MUCH out there.


----------



## Lucia




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## Lucia




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## Lucia




----------



## bellatiamarie

Just an update.  Me and the guitarist were scheduled to go out on Saturday.  We planned to go out on Saturday way back on Wednesday. He called Saturday afternoon and said that he would be going to hang out with one of his friends that was visiting from out of town.  I suggested that since his friend was in town that we should just reschedule for another day (I was tired yesterday any way and didn't feel like putting on clothes and getting made up and all the hoopla that goes into that much less leave my house ).  He says and I quote "I am a man of my word" so we are going out tonight.  Fine.  He says I'm thinking 730 or 8.  So I say let's shoot for 8.  So I'm ready at like 8:05.  I'm waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  So at 8:15 I decide to leave my house to go get something from the store before it closed since I wasn't sure what time we'd be out til.  8:30 rolls around. 8:45. 9:00 still haven't heard anything from him.  At 9:07 I get a text message "sorry, sorry I'm on my way."  At this point I was half way to my friends house as I'd figured I had been stood up and there was no use in wasting my pretty  so I text back "I'm not at home." And he responds "ok sorry."

Bruh.

I can't do it.  I can't.  These men claim they're ready but clearly they aren't.  I don't have the time.  I don't have time to be waiting a whole hour plus to hear from you.  Nope.  I'm too old and time is going by too fast.  So.... that's it for that.  Back to the drawing board!


----------



## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> Just an update.  Me and the guitarist were scheduled to go out on Saturday.  We planned to go out on Saturday way back on Wednesday. He called Saturday afternoon and said that he would be going to hang out with one of his friends that was visiting from out of town.  I suggested that since his friend was in town that we should just reschedule for another day (I was tired yesterday any way and didn't feel like putting on clothes and getting made up and all the hoopla that goes into that much less leave my house ).  He says and I quote "I am a man of my word" so we are going out tonight.  Fine.  He says I'm thinking 730 or 8.  So I say let's shoot for 8.  So I'm ready at like 8:05.  I'm waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  So at 8:15 I decide to leave my house to go get something from the store before it closed since I wasn't sure what time we'd be out til.  8:30 rolls around. 8:45. 9:00 still haven't heard anything from him.  At 9:07 I get a text message "sorry, sorry I'm on my way."  At this point I was half way to my friends house as I'd figured I had been stood up and there was no use in wasting my pretty  so I text back "I'm not at home." And he responds "ok sorry."
> 
> Bruh.
> 
> I can't do it.  I can't.  These men claim they're ready but clearly they aren't.  I don't have the time.  I don't have time to be waiting a whole hour plus to hear from you.  Nope.  I'm too old and time is going by too fast.  So.... that's it for that.  Back to the drawing board!



I understand nobody has time for games especially with someone new. IMO I think it's a really bad impression when you're  just starting to get to know someone, like when you meet someone new you should be on your best behavior. 
I'm just throwing this out there, do you think maybe he just got caught up with his old friends and time just went by? 

Maybe he wasn't trying to stand you up.  I would give him a couple days of no communication on your part even if he calls, during that time pray on it. After that at _least hear what he has to say about it_ then decide. I just wouldn't make a hasty decision. 

I'm sure your bolony radar will give you a reading if he's playing games. I'm not advocating making any excuses for him or him thinking that he can treat you any kind of way.  Listen to what he says, what he doesn't say, and how he says it especially his body language IMO words, intention and body language have to match. Hth


----------



## Lucia




----------



## bellatiamarie

Lucia said:


> I understand nobody has time for games especially with someone new. IMO I think it's a really bad impression when you just starting to get to know someone, like when you meet someone new you should be on your best behavior.
> I'm just throwing this out there, do you think maybe he just got caught up with his old friends and time just went by?
> 
> Maybe he wasn't trying to stand you up.  I would give him a couple days of no communication on your part even if he calls, during that time pray on it. After that at _least hear what he has to say about it_ then decide. I just wouldn't make a hasty decision.
> 
> I'm sure your bolony radar will give you a reading if he's playing games. I'm not advocating making any excuses for him or him thinking that he can treat you any kind of way.  Listen to what he says what he doesn't say, and how he says it especially his body language IMO words, intention and body language have to match. Hth



I hear what you're saying.  I just don't even want to be bothered.  Calling to let me know you'll be late is a simple consideration.  An hour plus? I hear you @Lucia but I think I'm going to leave this one in the wind.  It hasn't even been 2 weeks and you're already playing with my time.  Not cool.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

bellatiamarie said:


> Just an update.  Me and the guitarist were scheduled to go out on Saturday.  We planned to go out on Saturday way back on Wednesday. He called Saturday afternoon and said that he would be going to hang out with one of his friends that was visiting from out of town.  I suggested that since his friend was in town that we should just reschedule for another day (I was tired yesterday any way and didn't feel like putting on clothes and getting made up and all the hoopla that goes into that much less leave my house ).  He says and I quote "I am a man of my word" so we are going out tonight.  Fine.  He says I'm thinking 730 or 8.  So I say let's shoot for 8.  So I'm ready at like 8:05.  I'm waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  So at 8:15 I decide to leave my house to go get something from the store before it closed since I wasn't sure what time we'd be out til.  8:30 rolls around. 8:45. 9:00 still haven't heard anything from him.  At 9:07 I get a text message "sorry, sorry I'm on my way."  At this point I was half way to my friends house as I'd figured I had been stood up and there was no use in wasting my pretty  so I text back "I'm not at home." And he responds "ok sorry."
> 
> Bruh.
> 
> I can't do it.  I can't.  These men claim they're ready but clearly they aren't.  I don't have the time.  I don't have time to be waiting a whole hour plus to hear from you.  Nope.  I'm too old and time is going by too fast.  So.... that's it for that.  Back to the drawing board!



That would probably be a next for me...dang he couldn't keep it together for at least the first 3 dates? He should be on his bestest behavior  And "ok sorry" without any explanation? Nope.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Belle Du Jour said:


> That would probably be a next for me...dang he couldn't keep it together for at least the first 3 dates? He should be on his bestest behavior  And "ok sorry" without any explanation? Nope.



That's what I'm saying!  No explanation.  And this is the kicker.... yesterday he sent me videos of some kids playing the bass guitar because I'd previously mentioned that I love the bass guitar.   So, you're just going to pretend you didn't have me waiting for you for over an hour? I didn't even respond.  I'm good.  It hasn't even been 2 weeks!


----------



## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> I hear what you're saying.  I just don't even want to be bothered.  Calling to let me know you'll be late is a simple consideration.  An hour plus? I hear you @Lucia but I think I'm going to leave this one in the wind.  It hasn't even been 2 weeks and you're already playing with my time.  Not cool.



Yeah not even a month yet,  I hear you. I was just giving him the benefit of the doubt but he just eliminated himself, basically. You're first impression of him was right! He had no explanation for it, definitely a red flag!


----------



## Belle Du Jour




----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


>



Love (like a brother) Fr Mark, he keeps it real.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## SpiritJunkie

Thank you @Lucia for connecting me to this thread.  I'm 1/2 way through reading all the comments as well as *Psalm* as you suggested. I haven't viewed any of the videos because I don't want to have to many opinions in my mind. I have too much going on in there right now.  I do appreciate all the ladies that shared their thoughts in here.

This last relationship has taken a toll on me.  I'm trying to get clear on some things...and focus more on myself. Although I thought I was focusing on myself maybe i was too wrapped up in him.   

He's away now...and we weren't in a good place so i ended things before he left. Anyway...I'm rambling lol...I will continue reading.


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> Have you or anyone else done her boot camp? http://www.ashleyempowers.com/new-products/man-ifesting-your-godly-man-bootcamp



Yes, and it is worth it to me. I haven't finished it because I've been busy, but I personally feel like her methods are practical and realistic. Instead of selling a formula, she's giving actionable steps to becoming a more confident woman who attracts the quality of man she desires. What I like about Ashley is that she really focuses on empowering women. When you're confident in who God created you to be, you just walk through life differently.


----------



## Lucia

Close to the end he answers periscope questions, I liked his answer for why rachtet girls stay winning?


----------



## Lucia

http://www.foryourmarriage.org/


----------



## Maracujá

^^^Love what he said about basing your relationship on friendship. That seems like a dream come true.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

She does a lot if self promos for her books channels etc.... the message starts at 13 min


----------



## lalah

The Godly man will add to.
The counterfeit will subtract from.
The Godly man will compliment. 
The counterfeit will contradict.
The Godly man provides clarity.
The counterfeit provides confusion.
The Godly man is slow to anger.
The counterfeit angers quickly.
The Godly man makes effort. 
The counterfeit makes excuses.
The Godly man wants to know.
The counterfeit thinks he knows.
The Godly man will communicate.
The counterfeit will agitate.
The Godly man can say I'm sorry.
The counterfeit blames you.
The Godly man is patient.
The counterfeit is impatient. 
The Godly man has self government. 
The counterfeit throws temper tantrums. 
The Godly man can control his genitals. 
The counterfeit will hump anything.
The Godly man is tender.
The counterfeit is cold.
The Godly man brings the table. 
The counterfeit eats from your table.
The Godly man loves Jesus.
The counterfeit likes Jesus.
The Godly man can be corrected.
The counterfeit only wants to give correction.
The Godly man will serve.
The counterfeit seeks to be served.
The Godly man is ride or die.
The counterfeit will ride and let you die.

~Jerry Flowers~RedinedTV

This confirmed that the man I just ended a relationship with was indeed a counterfeit. He was the oppisite of all the Godly man traits and match the conterfeit traits perfectly. Looking back...The red flags were there from the beginning. I definitely had a weak moment for even entertaining him. I guess it was because he was from the past (14 years ago) and looking at all of his spiritual Facebook post about God made me think he was a changed man. Can't believe I fell for it. I'm mad at myself.


----------



## Lucia

Very long but on point message


----------



## SpiritJunkie

Thanks!  Great videos...I find "anointed fire" a bit hard for me to follow though. 

@lalah the list is so on point.  I did the same thing...beat myself up for being with someone who fit the bill of counterfeit..but we both need to stop.   We have to kiss some frogs before we meet the Prince...and it's from getting to know the person then we find out who they are as time passes.  I know it's hard...as it is hard for me to currently.

We fell for it....learned from it..and move on.


----------



## blessedandfavoured

Sweetg said:


> Thanks!  Great videos...I find "anointed fire" a bit hard for me to follow though.
> 
> @lalah the list is so on point.  I did the same thing...beat myself up for being with someone who fit the bill of counterfeit..but we both need to stop.   *We have to kiss some frogs before we meet the Prince*...and it's from getting to know the person then we find out who they are as time passes.  I know it's hard...as it is hard for me to currently.
> 
> We fell for it....learned from it..and move on.



Hello dear @Sweetg, I happen to disagree with this sentiment.  This unbiblical phrase irks me, lol.  Jesus says that the Holy Spirit will guide us into ALL truth (John 16:13), and that His sheep hear His voice (John 10:27).  Sometimes we hear His voice and don't recognize it.  Kissing frogs is unnecessary.  We're better off observing a person, praying and seeking God's guidance on the matter.  Wastes less time.  Well, that's what I think.  God bless.

Edit - There is now no condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1).


----------



## SpiritJunkie

blessedandfavoured said:


> Hello dear @Sweetg, I happen to disagree with this sentiment.  This unbiblical phrase irks me, lol.  Jesus says that the Holy Spirit will guide us into ALL truth (John 16:13), and that His sheep hear His voice (John 10:27).  Sometimes we hear His voice and don't recognize it.  Kissing frogs is unnecessary.  We're better off observing a person, praying and seeking God's guidance on the matter.  Wastes less time.  Well, that's what I think.  God bless.
> 
> Edit - There is now no condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1).


Good Morning,

I agree with your comment  "waste less time" observing.  As you move along in life, you make adjustments and become wiser, confident & courageous.  How do you become that person?  From *your* hard life lessons. 

I believe we all at some point kissed some frogs and as we continue on this journey in life we learn to be patient with our desire to have a companion & learn the art of observation.  Less heart breaks.

So although kissing frogs may be unnessary, it happens.


----------



## lalah

Okay so every time thoughts of this relationship or the guy come to my mind, I yell COUNTERFEIT either in my head or out loud if I'm alone. It's working!!!! I know it sounds crazy, but this is what works for me. lol I agree with blessedandfavoured. Besides, I felt no peace about this situation, which I know was the Holy Spirit. I had several other warnings plus the obvious red flags. I have no one to blame but myself because I was grieving the Spirit in that relationship.


----------



## Maracujá

lalah said:


> I guess it was because he was from the past (14 years ago) and *looking at all of his spiritual Facebook post about God made me think he was a changed man.* Can't believe I fell for it. I'm mad at myself.



This is actually a red flag, never fall for it. I always think about what brother Zac Poonen said: do you know what wealthy people do with their money? They hide it! So if spirituality is your greatest possession, then you should hide it also. 

Not to mention that the Bible clearly says that we shall recognize them by their fruit, which means that they don't need to brag about anything, it will simply be apparent. Don't beat yourself over it too much though, we've all been there. You live and you learn!


----------



## blessedandfavoured

Sweetg said:


> Good Morning,
> 
> I agree with your comment  "waste less time" observing.  As you move along in life, you make adjustments and become wiser, confident & courageous.  How do you become that person?  From *your* hard life lessons.
> 
> I believe we all at some point kissed some frogs and as we continue on this journey in life we learn to be patient with our desire to have a companion & learn the art of observation.  Less heart breaks.
> 
> So although kissing frogs may be unnessary, it happens.



Hello @Sweetg,
I was in a hurry when I wrote that reply.  I guess that I've heard that statement about kissing frogs so often, that people make it seem like it's a prerequisite, so that's what irks me about the statement.  I 100% agree about learning from our mistakes, but I sometimes think that the culture so exalts making one's own mistakes that it ignores the fact that we can just learn from the (often-times obvious and well-documented) mistakes of others.  But maybe that's just me.  God knows our frailty and He can and will carry us through them, if we let Him. 



lalah said:


> Okay so every time thoughts of this relationship or the guy come to my mind, I yell COUNTERFEIT either in my head or out loud if I'm alone. It's working!!!! I know it sounds crazy, but this is what works for me. lol I agree with blessedandfavoured. Besides, I felt no peace about this situation, which I know was the Holy Spirit. I had several other warnings plus the obvious red flags. *I have no one to blame but myself because I was grieving the Spirit in that relationship.*



Dear @lalah, there is no condemnation for you, because you are in Christ, and nothing can separate you from His love.  As @Maracujá said, live and learn.  Forgive yourself and move on.  God bless you.  

Also, permit me to say that I hate facebook.  That is all.
God bless, ladies!


----------



## SpiritJunkie

@blessedandfavoured As we continue to dialogue our life experiences and share opinions is how we all learn...no problem!!!  Have a Bless day!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Close to the end he answers periscope questions, I liked his answer for why rachtet girls stay winning?



As always, I enjoy his videos.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


>



Great message. God needs our "yes" too; We have to cooperate with His grace.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> Very long but on point message



I really enjoyed her book Waiting for the Promised Man. Her videos are a bit too long for me though lol


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> I really enjoyed her book Waiting for the Promised Man. Her videos are a bit too long for me though lol



Yes she does talk way too much she can streamline and make those points in 20 m really. And she spends like 10 m promoting her books and periscope etc... it's a little much. I've gotten those messages and I'm no longer listening to her, rambling tangents  its kind of a turn off.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

Real talk about married life by the Woglemuths. I find their love story so beautiful


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Hope everyone is hanging in there! The thread has been a little quiet lately.


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> Hope everyone is hanging in there! The thread has been a little quiet lately.



I'm doing okay. However, I'm ready to move on from this season. So I'm doing what I need to do better myself and be available while still focusing on the Lord. I'm praying that all of us will move on from this season and the Lord will bless us with the desires of our heart.


----------



## phynestone

The older I get, the more I realize I am not ready for marriage. I know one does not need to be perfect, but I just know I haven't been spending as much time with God as I should. I do desire a Godly man and believe I also should be what I seek. In the meantime, I am working on myself.


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> Hope everyone is hanging in there! The thread has been a little quiet lately.





phynestone said:


> The older I get, the more I realize I am not ready for marriage. I know one does not need to be perfect, but I just know I haven't been spending as much time with God as I should. I do desire a Godly man and believe I also should be what I seek. In the meantime, I am working on myself.



Still here , still single haha! I am turning 32 in about two months and no, I hadn't pictured my life this way at all. But like you said @phynestone, I need to continue to spend time with God. So right now I'm just continuing on getting every bit of information I can get about marriage, I've even purchased the book 'Kingdom Marriage' by pastor Tony Evans. But indeed, I'm nowhere near ready to be married, I still give people the cold shoulder when I'm mad and want things to go my way all the time!

People do not perish because of sin or the devil, Jesus conquered both on the cross. People die because of lack of information (Hosea 4:6), so keep learning all you can about marriage ladies. There are so many great and interactive resources nowadays. 
This period of my life is not easy at all, close friends and family members are moving away to settle down, which means I have to make new friends (as an introvert, yikes!). But...it's a challenge I'm willing to take up .


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> Still here , still single haha! I am turning 32 in about two months and no, I hadn't pictured my life this way at all. But like you said @phynestone, I need to continue to spend time with God. So right now I'm just continuing on getting every bit of information I can get about marriage, I've even purchased the book 'Kingdom Marriage' by pastor Tony Evans. *But indeed, I'm nowhere near ready to be married, I still give people the cold shoulder when I'm mad and want things to go my way all the time!*
> 
> People do not perish because of sin or the devil, Jesus conquered both on the cross. People die because of lack of information (Hosea 4:6), so keep learning all you can about marriage ladies. There are so many great and interactive resources nowadays.
> This period of my life is not easy at all, close friends and family members are moving away to settle down, which means I have to make new friends (as an introvert, yikes!). But...it's a challenge I'm willing to take up .



I definitely feel that God has been revealing to me the bad stuff that's in my heart, how I sometimes get frustrated with people and how sometimes (although rare) get really angry.  I feel a check in my spirit when I act in a way that's not Christ like.  It's like, if my husband doesn't do something the way I want, am I going to go off on him?  Or am I going to accept him?  If takes his time doing something am I going to snap at him and get impatient?  Or given him the space to act?  I can act all pious and say, oh I'd _never _treat my husband like that but God might know better.  God might be sending these little trials to say "hey girl, you're not quite ready."  Anyway, my prayer is that God will show me the ways that I'm slowing myself down.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Divine. said:


> I'm doing okay. However, I'm ready to move on from this season. So I'm doing what I need to do better myself and be available while still focusing on the Lord. I'm praying that all of us will move on from this season and the Lord will bless us with the desires of our heart.



I feel the same.  I thought being in one season for ever was the definition of death 
But I do see signs of spring if you will.  I'm willing to partner with God and do whatever it takes to step into my new season.


----------



## phynestone

I want to remind all of you that while we are works in progress, we will NEVER be perfect. For a long time, I felt I needed to be in order to have my wishes granted. That's a lie from the pit of hell!


----------



## Divine.

Belle Du Jour said:


> I feel the same.  I thought being in one season for every was the definition of death
> But I do see signs of spring if you will.  I'm willing to partner with God and do whatever it takes to step into my new season.



Same here. I recently went through a huge shake up that truly tested my faith. But I thank God every day for pulling me through with my faith in tact. I learned some valuable lessons that I believe are not only critical in whatever relationship I get into, but in my walk with Christ. I'm starting to see the the light at the end of the tunnel.



phynestone said:


> I want to remind all of you that while we are works in progress, we will NEVER be perfect. For a long time, I felt I needed to be in order to have my wishes granted. That's a lie from the pit of hell!



This is definitely the truth! We do not need to be perfect before God will move in our lives. Sometimes He meets us at our lowest point.


----------



## bellatiamarie

I'm feeling like I need to hit the reset button on life.  I hate when I get to such a low point and then I start to feel like I have to start over.  I am 32.  This is some mess I should've been doing at 23 not now!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Feeling frustrated.  When I see people fornicating, having babies out of wedlock, boo'd up and getting engaged I can't help but side eye my situation (and that of many many women I know). Waiting and wanting to do it God's way and nothing happens. When is He going to come through??? 

ETA: https://ccsouthbay.org/blog/god-taking-long-time


----------



## kanozas

Belle Du Jour said:


> Feeling frustrated.  When I see people fornicating, having babies out of wedlock, boo'd up and getting engaged I can't help but side eye my situation (and that of many many women I know). Waiting and wanting to do it God's way and nothing happens. When is He going to come through???
> 
> ETA: https://ccsouthbay.org/blog/god-taking-long-time




Gurrrrl!!!  I lost EVERYTHING when I found Him in the Eucharist.  EVERYTHING, just about everything.  He says to hold on.  He sees and knows.  I guess that's when that "lean not unto your own understanding..." comes in.  I usually hate it when someone says it but...it's true.  Come L-rd.  I'm getting hold here lolol!


----------



## Belle Du Jour

kanozas said:


> Gurrrrl!!!  I lost EVERYTHING when I found Him in the Eucharist.  EVERYTHING, just about everything.  He says to hold on.  He sees and knows.  I guess that's when that "lean not unto your own understanding..." comes in.  I usually hate it when someone says it but...it's true.  Come L-rd.  I'm getting hold here lolol!



He stripped me of a lot too...things have improved but there's still that one thing (being a wife/mother) missing...I know it will all make sense one day but I guess today is not that day LOL.


----------



## Divine.

God has given us the ability to make decisions. I'm going to venture to say something that goes against every Christian relationship expert.

If you are in a place where you have been waiting for a relationship for an extended period of time, and you know God has confirmed that the desire marriage is from him, I think it's time to do something different. It's time to open our network. It's time to venture out. It's time to make ourselves more available. Make it possible for the right person to come into your life.

I feel like opening up your network is super important because it widens the pool of potential suitors. We have made it so taboo to desire marriage. It's like if you don't sit in a corner and wait for God to drop this man into your life, you're out of line. I'm making a conscious effort to open my network by getting more involved in church, going to the gym, joining an organization for young professionals and possibly taking dance classes. Make no mistake, I am not doing these things to get a man. I am however being realistic about the fact that this man isn't going to show up at my doorstep. I need to go out, be present everyday, and be open to meeting new people who could potentially connect me with the man I have been praying about.

I'll have to report back if this makes a difference.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Divine. said:


> God has given us the ability to make decisions. I'm going to venture to say something that goes against every Christian relationship expert.
> 
> If you are in a place where you have been waiting for a relationship for an extended period of time, and you know God has confirmed that the desire marriage is from him, I think it's time to do something different. It's time to open our network. It's time to venture out. It's time to make ourselves more available. Make it possible for the right person to come into your life.
> 
> *I feel like opening up your network is super important because it widens the pool of potential suitors. We have made it so taboo to desire marriage. It's like if you don't sit in a corner and wait for God to drop this man into your life, you're out of line. I'm making a conscious effort to open my network by getting more involved in church, going to the gym, joining an organization for young professionals and possibly taking dance classes. Make no mistake, I am not doing these things to get a man. I am however being realistic about the fact that this man isn't going to show up at my doorstep. I need to go out, be present everyday, and be open to meeting new people who could potentially connect me with the man I have been praying about.*
> 
> I'll have to report back if this makes a difference.



Absolutely I agree.  We have to put gas in the car for God to drive it. I just purchased a ticket to a Christian singles mixer. I belong to groups, volunteer, etc. I'm definitely giving God something to work with


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## kanozas

Divine. said:


> God has given us the ability to make decisions. I'm going to venture to say something *that goes against every Christian relationship expert*.
> 
> If you are in a place where you have been waiting for a relationship for an extended period of time, and you know God has confirmed that the desire marriage is from him, I think it's time to do something different. It's time to open our network. It's time to venture out. It's time to make ourselves more available. Make it possible for the right person to come into your life.
> 
> I feel like opening up your network is super important because it widens the pool of potential suitors. We have made it so taboo to desire marriage. It's like if you don't sit in a corner and wait for God to drop this man into your life, you're out of line. I'm making a conscious effort to open my network by getting more involved in church, going to the gym, joining an organization for young professionals and possibly taking dance classes. Make no mistake, I am not doing these things to get a man. I am however being realistic about the fact that this man isn't going to show up at my doorstep. I need to go out, be present everyday, and be open to meeting new people who could potentially connect me with the man I have been praying about.
> 
> I'll have to report back if this makes a difference.



Not really.  This should be common sense...or use a matchmaker service.


----------



## phynestone

Divine. said:


> God has given us the ability to make decisions. I'm going to venture to say something that goes against every Christian relationship expert.
> 
> *If you are in a place where you have been waiting for a relationship for an extended period of time, and you know God has confirmed that the desire marriage is from him, I think it's time to do something different. It's time to open our network. It's time to venture out. It's time to make ourselves more available. Make it possible for the right person to come into your life.*
> 
> I feel like opening up your network is super important because it widens the pool of potential suitors. We have made it so taboo to desire marriage. It's like if you don't sit in a corner and wait for God to drop this man into your life, you're out of line. I'm making a conscious effort to open my network by getting more involved in church, going to the gym, joining an organization for young professionals and possibly taking dance classes. Make no mistake, I am not doing these things to get a man. I am however being realistic about the fact that this man isn't going to show up at my doorstep. I need to go out, be present everyday, and be open to meeting new people who could potentially connect me with the man I have been praying about.
> 
> I'll have to report back if this makes a difference.



You can't live life sitting on the sidelines. You have to get out there! That's why I'm trying so many new activities this summer. I cut off the majority of my friends last year and I'm trying to meet new people. 

I think we could also try to become our best selves - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially and of course, physically. Men are visual and are definitely drawn by appearances. I don't care what anyone says. Christian man or not. It is the physical that attracts, but the heart that keeps.


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## Divine.

phynestone said:


> You can't live life sitting on the sidelines. You have to get out there! That's why I'm trying so many new activities this summer. I cut off the majority of my friends last year and I'm trying to meet new people.
> 
> *I think we could also try to become our best selves - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially and of course, physically. Men are visual and are definitely drawn by appearances. I don't care what anyone says. Christian man or not. It is the physical that attracts, but the heart that keeps.*


 
The bolded has been another focus of mine as well. I have been in this thread since it first started in 2013. Since then, I haven't met anyone or dated. I'm realizing how much I missed out on waiting for a man who didn't want me to recognize my worth. Instead of healing, I got stuck. It's crazy how much time has flown by! This year I  have really been taking the time to enjoy life. 

I want the end of this year to be different. I don't want to end it worried about my relationship status. Either I hope to be dating or completely content where I am. Although I hope to meet someone new, even if I don't, the Lord has truly given me a peace.


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## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> I'm feeling like I need to hit the reset button on life.  I hate when I get to such a low point and then I start to feel like I have to start over.  I am 32.  This is some mess I should've been doing at 23 not now!



You don't need to hit the reset on your entire life just take your cues from the HS and you'll be lead to or shown what you need to work on or amplify. At least you're getting it done, some people spend their whole lives in "spiritual limbo" not understanding and not living full spiritual lives God wants with us and for us.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Feeling frustrated.  When I see people fornicating, having babies out of wedlock, boo'd up and getting engaged I can't help but side eye my situation (and that of many many women I know). Waiting and wanting to do it God's way and nothing happens. When is He going to come through???
> 
> ETA: https://ccsouthbay.org/blog/god-taking-long-time



Truth! I hear you, it is frustrating, annoying, and just down right confusing when you're trying to do everything as best as you can within Gods will, and in my case I keep getting invited to these weddings. I'm so over it, (I'm thinking of declining from now on) wedding after wedding it's either fornicating not living together, or fornicating , living together with children, not babies kids, plural and their engaged (big diamond ring, enagament pics all over SM etc...) , buying homes, cars together and getting married. While me and others women like me are going out, living our lives out in the world and still getting passed over. I felt as though at one point I was being shown this over and over again on purpose.  Like hey, if you go your own way, don't be a passive punk, or antiquated, old fashioned and go _get_ your man, even if you have to sex him into commitment, you can have all this too.

 I know it really irked me for the longest time, I had to  control the eye rolling, side eyeing, the attitude I had and I've released that and I know it's between them and God.  Now I don't condone any of it, but like we've discussed before in this thread we don't really know who, what kind of man these women are marrying. Or just cause they're shacked up for years doesn mean the marriage is going to be great or even last.  We do know God will not be mocked, and they will have to work out how they did things with God, themselves, and their children.

I pray for them now that they actually get to the altar and that they can hang on, cause the devil is going to have an open door into their home and their marriage 24/7 because their foundation is faulty, their foundation is sand, so when the enemy sends floods, winds, tempests their home/marriage most likely will not withstand it. I'm not wishing ill it's just facts it's been statistically proven shacked up couples don't do well married or not.  I believe that  God will not bless your mess just cause you bring it to Him with a pretty "marriage" bow on it.

You will know them by their fruits we don't know what kind of harvest is waiting for them cause they went their own way and disobeyed God. You're human you will feel these emotions, it's just how much  are you going to let what others do affect you? If they choose to live in sin- that's on them, but your life, and spiritual life with God that's on you and Him don't let them distract you from the prize-God, spouse of the HS, Jesus the best man who will find you the "best man" to be your husband. Amen!  (Got that from Jackie Francois Angel) Also, if you can try to get to adoration at least once a week and bring a journal and your bible with you.
We don't know Gods timing, maybe FH is 5-10 years younger than you and not quite ready yet, only He knows. Here's some verses that helped me. HTH

Psalm 25:3
Indeed, no one who waits on you will be ashamed, but those who offend for no reason will be put to shame.

Psalm 27:13-14
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Isaiah 61:1-3

61 The spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
    because the Lord has anointed me;
he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed,
    to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
    and release to the prisoners;
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
    and the day of vengeance of our God;
    to comfort all who mourn;
3 to provide for those who mourn in Zion—
    to give them a garland instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
    the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    the planting of the Lord, to display his glory.


Isaiah 61:7
Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.

Isaiah 30:18

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!


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## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

I just wanted to give a small testimony. I had a rough time recently so I've been studying the word and praying more, going to adoration and taking the sacraments more often. So I was at church one day and this old lady complimented me on my jewelry then she said your a pretty lady one day you'll have many beautiful babies, do you have babies?
Me: No, I don't have a husband yet.
L:   I'll pray to God to give you a good husband so you can have lots of beautiful babies.
I thanked her a couple of times, then we saw the Preist and we asked him to pray for me, and I said yes Father I need all the help I can get.
I realized in that moment that God had sent me a message through this woman. Side note she's always praying when I see her Rosary in hand.
So ladies keep getting out there, serving, living, traveling, working, whatever it is you do and stay in the word and spend more time with God now while your single so you'll be spiritually strong when you become a wife. We don't have to be perfect but we should have some things on lock like our prayer lives. God will bless you all in His own time.


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## Lucia

There are "godly" guys out there dont give up!


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## Divine.

Hey Ladies! 

So I came back to give somewhat of an update regarding my previous post. In general, I have been becoming more open to speaking to strangers. I used to always walk with my head down and avoid eye contact. Who wants to talk to someone like that?? So far this has been very beneficial as I have made instant connections with people, something I used to struggle with. Now, more people (men and women) speak to me even if I do not open the conversation first. 

Something I had trouble with at first was grappling with the difference between making yourself available and actively pursuing a relationship. I can make myself available without the need to consciously pursue a relationship. I like going into scenarios without any expectations, including the prospect of meeting a guy. I can only speak for myself, but I do not feel comfortable seeking out a man. Everything about it feels wrong. I get so uneasy! I'd rather it just "happen" than forcing myself to be at the right place at the right time. 

In all, I'm just taking it day by day and working to improve my confidence.


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> I just wanted to give a small testimony. I had a rough time recently so I've been studying the word and praying more, going to adoration and taking the sacraments more often. So I was at church one day and this old lady complimented me on my jewelry then she said your a pretty lady one day you'll have many beautiful babies, do you have babies?
> Me: No, I don't have a husband yet.
> L:   I'll pray to God to give you a good husband so you can have lots of beautiful babies.
> I thanked her a couple of times, then we saw the Preist and we asked him to pray for me, and I said yes Father I need all the help I can get.
> I realized in that moment that God had sent me a message through this woman. Side note she's always praying when I see her Rosary in hand.
> *So ladies keep getting out there, serving, living, traveling, working, whatever it is you do and stay in the word and spend more time with God now while your single so you'll be spiritually strong when you become a wife.* We don't have to be perfect but we should have some things on lock like our prayer lives. God will bless you all in His own time.



Yup! Let's not forget to pray that our future husbands be surrounded by Godly people and that their family will also accept us, when the time comes.


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## Belle Du Jour

http://www.spokenbride.com/blog/2017/6/14/jocelyn-cheyne


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## kanozas

Word of advice that is very difficult in today's world for marriage and kids:
*
Spouse before kids.*  Remember that.  Do NOT make the kid first priority.  That's sounds rather counter-intuitive for today's child-centered culture and worship of youth which is churning out privilege-minded brats who are learning to shirk responsibility.  You cannot have a successful marriage when you place your kids above your marital needs.  It's G-d first, spouses second and kids last.  People tend to naturally shift towards placing kids before themselves with all their school activities, wants and needs (and social pressures) and soon, the marriage is neglected.  What better way to raise children to responsible adulthood than to provide an example of a loving couple who are second in line, before the children, care for each other and then care for the children in balance.   It's important.


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## Maracujá

Been listening to this song lately. Hope is starting to spring up in my heart again...


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## Aggie

Lucia said:


> I just wanted to give a small testimony. I had a rough time recently so I've been studying the word and praying more, going to adoration and taking the sacraments more often. So I was at church one day and this old lady complimented me on my jewelry then she said your a pretty lady one day you'll have many beautiful babies, do you have babies?
> Me: No, I don't have a husband yet.
> L:   I'll pray to God to give you a good husband so you can have lots of beautiful babies.
> I thanked her a couple of times, then we saw the Preist and we asked him to pray for me, and I said yes Father I need all the help I can get.
> I realized in that moment that God had sent me a message through this woman. Side note she's always praying when I see her Rosary in hand.
> So ladies keep getting out there, serving, living, traveling, working, whatever it is you do and stay in the word and spend more time with God now while your single so you'll be spiritually strong when you become a wife. We don't have to be perfect but we should have some things on lock like our prayer lives. God will bless you all in His own time.


Amen to that! Thanks for sharing @Lucia


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## mz.rae

I made the mistake of allowing that ex back into my life. After so many people warned me not to, I had to to keep defending him and making excuses for him. Things were going great, but then all of a sudden it just started going downhill. After he hung the phone up on me one night it went downhill. I would try to call and text/message him and would get no response. And the one time he did respond he played if off like a joke with his responses. All I wanted to know was if he was alright and why he was being so distant lately. 

Finally in my frustration one day I just kept calling and messaging him because I just wanted to know what was going. Why no response? We are two adults why aren't you communicating with me? He still didn't respond, and just deleted me off Facebook and an hour or so after doing that he text me saying it was over. Now I admit in my frustration I did use some harsh words, but I was hurt. How do you be in a relationship with someone and go a whole week without talking to them. And then when they call you, you just send them to voicemail. You ladies have no idea how much I was there for this man and to be treated like nothing hurts! I admit I was hurt, crushed even. Now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces. I know I should have listened to the voices of reason in my life. But I was so hung up on how I messed it up the first time, and now he is back in my life that this time it is going to be different. Not even realizing that outside of what I did that relationship wasn't great in general. I'm also wondering if this was a ploy by him to get back at me for what I did, to reel me in and then drop me.

I must admit there were red flags when he came back into my life, I started having these horrible dreams about horrible things happening to people. Now that it's over I keep having dreams about him and I can't sleep peacefully at night because I don't want to dream about him. I'm feeling better than what I was but I'm still kind of hurt.


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## Maracujá

How is everyone doing? As I've mentioned before, I did not anticipate to be single in my thirties, so I'm trying to use this time I have constructively. 

I'm mostly working on honing my craft, discovering my purpose and improving my work ethic. Though I do not wish to work outside of the home should God grant me marriage, I really don't want having to find my purpose to be a hindrance to my relationship with future DH. Trying to juggle all that is what keeps women frazzled. So I'm working on that now so we can focus on other things later on


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## bellatiamarie

Nevermind....


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## Lucia

mz.rae said:


> I made the mistake of allowing that ex back into my life. After so many people warned me not to, I had to to keep defending him and making excuses for him. Things were going great, but then all of a sudden it just started going downhill. After he hung the phone up on me one night it went downhill. I would try to call and text/message him and would get no response. And the one time he did respond he played if off like a joke with his responses. All I wanted to know was if he was alright and why he was being so distant lately.
> 
> Finally in my frustration one day I just kept calling and messaging him because I just wanted to know what was going. Why no response? We are two adults why aren't you communicating with me? He still didn't respond, and just deleted me off Facebook and an hour or so after doing that he text me saying it was over. Now I admit in my frustration I did use some harsh words, but I was hurt. How do you be in a relationship with someone and go a whole week without talking to them. And then when they call you, you just send them to voicemail. You ladies have no idea how much I was there for this man and to be treated like nothing hurts! I admit I was hurt, crushed even. Now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces. I know I should have listened to the voices of reason in my life. But I was so hung up on how I messed it up the first time, and now he is back in my life that this time it is going to be different. Not even realizing that outside of what I did that relationship wasn't great in general. I'm also wondering if this was a ploy by him to get back at me for what I did, to reel me in and then drop me.
> 
> I must admit there were red flags when he came back into my life, I started having these horrible dreams about horrible things happening to people. Now that it's over I keep having dreams about him and I can't sleep peacefully at night because I don't want to dream about him. I'm feeling better than what I was but I'm still kind of hurt.



I so sorry you had to get hurt by this butthead again.
Let me just put some things out there, it's not you're fault. You were giving him another chance and that's not always a bad thing. Some people need that and start to shape up, some never learn and just want to play more games<-- ain't nobody got time for that. Shakespeare said forgive and forget, Jesus said forgive. What's important is that you take some time to heal, get out and live your life find hobbies, interests other things to occupy your free time. Don't let this guy make you bitter, sour you off men, or steal your joy, rebuke that little minion out of you're life forever in Jesus name.

First you do need to forgive him, and forgive yourself, don't keep on re hashing it, and blaming yourself that's counterproductive and it's letting the enemy get a foothold in your life.
This is a forgiveness prayer it will help you let it go "like Frozen" let go and let God.
Here's a little prayer that helped me a lot hope it will help:
Lord Jesus, please change -insert name here- so he/she/they will stop hurting me, and stop hurting anyone else and come to you Jesus, Amen!
Also if you can't forgive him yet ask Jesus to do it for you. But the sooner you do the better you will feel and your life will be.
You just repeat it anytime anywhere as many times as you need until the weight lifts. God bless you!
Also Psalms 23 and Isaiah 61:1-3

See post
https://www.longhaircareforum.com/t...upport-the-remix.708315/page-35#post-23972931

Ref:https://www.gotquestions.org/forgive-forget.html


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## mz.rae

Lucia said:


> I so sorry you had to get hurt by this butthead again.
> Let me just put some things out there, it's not you're fault. You were giving him another chance and that's not always a bad thing. Some people need that and start to shape up, some never learn and just want to play more games<-- ain't nobody got time for that. Shakespeare said forgive and forget, Jesus said forgive. What's important is that you take some time to heal, get out and live your life find hobbies, interests other things to occupy your free time. Don't let this guy make you bitter, sour you off men, or steal your joy, rebuke that little minion out of you're life forever in Jesus name.
> 
> First you do need to forgive him, and forgive yourself, don't keep on re hashing it, and blaming yourself that's counterproductive and it's letting the enemy get a foothold in your life.
> This is a forgiveness prayer it will help you let it go "like Frozen" let go and let God.
> Here's a little prayer that helped me a lot hope it will help:
> Lord Jesus, please change -insert name here- so he/she/they will stop hurting me, and stop hurting anyone else and come to you Jesus, Amen!
> Also if you can't forgive him yet ask Jesus to do it for you. But the sooner you do the better you will feel and your life will be.
> You just repeat it anytime anywhere as many times as you need until the weight lifts. God bless you!
> Also Psalms 23 and Isaiah 61:1-3
> 
> See post
> https://www.longhaircareforum.com/t...upport-the-remix.708315/page-35#post-23972931
> 
> Ref:https://www.gotquestions.org/forgive-forget.html


Thank you so much!! Your words really touched me, again thank you!


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## mscurly

Hey Ladies 

It's been a while since I posted. But I check back here and there. 

I decided to come to accept being single and that I may be single for the rest of my life. I need to be okay with it and slowly I'm learning to do that. I'm focusing on growing as a person, growth in my career, and continue to just pursue Christ. 

Society tries to make you feel horrible for being single like there's something wrong with you. I know there's nothing wrong with me. I'm beautiful, smart, and have a lot going for myself. I don't say this to brag just being honest. I feel like a lot of single women get made to feel like it's their fault if they are single. I know for sure that's not my issue. 

I just refuse to settle or be in situations where I'm not appreciated just to say I have a man. I've tried online dating and men that I meet in person. Nothing has ever come to fruition. I've met guys who either just wanted to text back & forth and never call. Or guys who seem interested and want to exchange numbers but never call or follow up 
Players, men who play games, No good exes looking for a come back  You name it! Basically the reason I'm single is because no genuine Christ led man interested in a serious relationship has ever approached me. That's the bottom line. 

I've prayed about this for nearly 10 years now and nothing has changed. Except for my mindset. So I'm moving on with my life and looking forward to life as a single woman unashamed.


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## SpiritJunkie

@mscurly I could have wrote that myself.  I've come to terms with singlehood as well. Nothing wrong with it. I'm taking this time to really get into my purpose,work on myself mentally-spiritually and physically. Life goes on...single or not.  Ensure my affairs are in order.

I'm ready to be in a serious relationship and when it's time...I'll be ready. When we're ready and aware of what we want, accepting the types of jokers you posted about is not even a thought.

Prayers up for all of us!!


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## Lucia




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## kanozas

I'm not against dating but is having men on "rotation"  truly good because you're bored with your evening or weekend?  What about courtship?  Can you do a courtship including several men at a time or are you practicing for one man at a time as an example of marriage for life?  I personally wouldn't want to be known as the girl with a million guys in her life.  And if you're not intimate with them (sex), do you still kiss them and let them rub up all on  you?  That's all I'm saying.  I can see where *some* forms of  "dating" can lead to the divorce mentality.  People don't take their time with one man at a time.  It might take several years to marry if you consider that it takes about 8 months to a year to truly get to know a person and if that doesn't work, it's about the same for the next man you're courting.  Tough but true, imo.  You can't rush things if you're on your own.  If you have family vetting him and you and all things line up, you might marry earlier but most westerners don't have that system.  It's like women are all on their own but regular dating (dudes lined up in rotation) *imo* is kinda gross (secular style).


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## Belle Du Jour

kanozas said:


> I'm not against dating but is having men on "rotation"  truly good because you're bored with your evening or weekend?  What about courtship?  Can you do a courtship including several men at a time or are you practicing for one man at a time as an example of marriage for life?  I personally wouldn't want to be known as the girl with a million guys in her life.  And if you're not intimate with them (sex), do you still kiss them and let them rub up all on  you?  That's all I'm saying.  I can see where some forms of  "dating" can lead to the divorce mentality.  People don't take their time with one man at a time.  It might take several years to marry if you consider that it takes about 8 months to a year to truly get to know a person and if that doesn't work, it's about the same for the next man you're courting.  Tough but true, imo.  You can't rush things if you're on your own.  If you have family vetting him and you and all things line up, you might marry earlier but most westerners don't have that system.  It's like women are all on their own but regular dating imo is kinda gross (secular style).



I think a courtship is ideal but in the absence of this while waiting for the right man to step up, I don't see anything wrong with dating to get more comfortable interacting with men.  Some people really do have relationship hang ups from lack of experience and dating can be a way to help with that.  I don't define dating as the way the modern culture does.  Dating doesn't mean being in a relationship--simply getting to know a person.  I prefer group dates where a group of men and women go out.  It takes the pressure off.  One certainly doesn't need to kiss or get physically involved with everyone she is dating.


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## kanozas

Just the "men in rotation" thig  because I know that some are intimate with them.  Not at all talking about innocent movie/dinner  dates and such but "Mike" on Wednesdays and "Tony on Fridays and several others on the rest of the days.  It's the polyandrous type of mentality of the "harem" and playing at life for fun.  Not seriously looking for commitment.    That's nothing any Christian should even consider being a part of imo...  the Blanche Devereaux type of thing lol.  It was a general observation. I'm not against dating itself but am personally against certain types of dating like that.  It's just not for me and I'm honestly scared of it.  I hope my kids listen to my instruction, G-d help us all.  This world is so dangerous.  

Dating in college, yeah, I'd kiss guys.  These days, I see no value in it other than physical and we know it can lead to sex.  Funny how you change your mindset giving it a few years lol.


----------



## kanozas

...which brings me to another thought about dating under the Coptic Christians.  Traditionally, they can't "date" but can only court and they go through some kind of process to have it blessed and to remain in good standing with the faith.  I was reading up on it a few years ago.  You know they are heavily chaperoned while on dates hehe.  But I'm finding that a lot of young people are ignoring it now.  I think people need some freedom according to the society they live in today but, at the same time, there are some good protections built into such a thing.   On the one hand, I'd like to get with someone who is marriage-minded and seeking that right now.  On the other, who wants to be "stuck" with someone you're not sure about, even for a few months of dating?  Argh, I hate thinking about this stuff lol!


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> I'm not against dating but is having men on "rotation"  truly good because you're bored with your evening or weekend?  What about courtship?  Can you do a courtship including several men at a time or are you practicing for one man at a time as an example of marriage for life?  I personally wouldn't want to be known as the girl with a million guys in her life.  And if you're not intimate with them (sex), do you still kiss them and let them rub up all on  you?  That's all I'm saying.  I can see where *some* forms of  "dating" can lead to the divorce mentality.  People don't take their time with one man at a time.  It might take several years to marry if you consider that it takes about 8 months to a year to truly get to know a person and if that doesn't work, it's about the same for the next man you're courting.  Tough but true, imo.  You can't rush things if you're on your own.  If you have family vetting him and you and all things line up, you might marry earlier but most westerners don't have that system.  It's like women are all on their own but regular dating (dudes lined up in rotation) *imo* is kinda gross (secular style).



Dating just for entertainment, no purpose, or just cause your bored and don't want to, or can't be alone that doesn't seem to line up with Christian dating/courtship. Having a group of men your not really into, juggling them around just to pass the time doesn't seem right to me. I know women have male friends and nothing is going on, that's different. I think that if you're friends with a guy first no dating or courting he can get to know you and you him some (no intimacy of course) before you court. We do have to weed out the chaff from the wheat just not all at the same time multiple dating does train one to be a player or set you up for divorce because you never really commit to anyone even for a short time.  Sometimes having a lot of options isn't so great when it's time to choose the right one for you.


----------



## kanozas

Lucia said:


> Dating just for entertainment, no purpose, or just cause your bored and don't want to, or can't be alone that doesn't seem to line up with Christian dating/courtship. Having a group of men your not really into, juggling them around just to pass the time doesn't seem right to me. I know women have male friends and nothing is going on, that's different. I think that if you're friends with a guy first no dating or courting he can get to know you and you him some (no intimacy of course) before you court. We do have to weed out the chaff from the wheat just not all at the same time multiple dating does train one to be a player or set you up for divorce because you never really commit to anyone even for a short time.  Sometimes having a lot of options isn't so great when it's time to choose the right one for you.




I agree.  I mean, going on a date with a diff. guy and it's innocent and you determine it's not going to work is something different.  You're open to keep on going to get to know new people.  I think "in rotation" is "friends with benefits" according to some people I know.   I kinda hesitated to write on it because people might read it and think it's judgmental but it's a preference.  I'm not talking about Phang  (never read her) but the _other_ thing. and people have even recommended it for me in my persona life.     Once, someone said, "How do you manage having* men* overnight when you have kids?"  Well, I DON'T DO ANY OF THAT!   Geez.  It does make you wonder how long we have to wait and all these folks are out here fornicating willy-nilly like there's nothing to pay eventually.  . But anyhoo...in G-d's will and in His time..may the right one come along!! I sincerely hate the process...the unknown and "hoping."  Oh gosh.


----------



## Lucia

kanozas said:


> I agree.  I mean, going on a date with a diff. guy and it's innocent and you determine it's not going to work is something different.  You're open to keep on going to get to know new people.  I think "in rotation" is "friends with benefits" according to some people I know.   I kinda hesitated to write on it because people might read it and think it's judgmental but it's a preference.  I'm not talking about Phang  (never read her) but the _other_ thing. and people have even recommended it for me in my persona life.     Once, someone said, "How do you manage having* men* overnight when you have kids?"  Well, I DON'T DO ANY OF THAT!   Geez.  It does make you wonder how long we have to wait and all these folks are out here fornicating willy-nilly like there's nothing to pay eventually.  . But anyhoo...in G-d's will and in His time..may the right one come along!! I sincerely hate the process...the unknown and "hoping."  Oh gosh.




That's why I had to drop some so called friends, their world view and perspective was going to far into relative morality for me, not lining up with being Christian even though they claim to be Christian.

A lot of people just don't fear God anymore, or believe his words to be blunt. Some don't know his word so they can't then make an informed decision, some avoid reading the word on purpose cause they know they'll have to stop living how they're living now. While others think it's just old fashioned "tradition" and not really what He said and many misinterpretations etc.
Btw I don't know who or what phang us either?


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


> *Dating just for entertainment, no purpose, or just cause your bored and don't want to, or can't be alone that doesn't seem to line up with Christian dating/courtship. Having a group of men your not really into, juggling them around just to pass the time doesn't seem right to me. *I know women have male friends and nothing is going on, that's different. I think that if you're friends with a guy first no dating or courting he can get to know you and you him some (no intimacy of course) before you court. We do have to weed out the chaff from the wheat just not all at the same time multiple dating does train one to be a player or set you up for divorce because you never really commit to anyone even for a short time.  Sometimes having a lot of options isn't so great when it's time to choose the right one for you.



Agreed.  That would be using people.   Dating should be for the purpose of gathering data about potential mates along the pathway of getting married.  Unless you're in a situation where you can get to know a guy through ministry or an organization or school, most likely you will be getting to know him via dating.  Unfortunately, a lot of women get emotionally attached and get ahead of the guy--this is where the "rotation" comes in.  Even in pre-dating times, a woman entertained multiple suitors until the best man stepped up.   I think once a man has decided that he wants to become exclusive, the it's time to make a choice.  For me, dating doesn't mean any level of physical intimacy with a man.  Also I don't think simply dating is practicing for divorce.  Now getting in and out of relationships with people and creating relationship bonds is without a doubt a setup for divorce.


----------



## kanozas

Lucia said:


> That's why I had to drop some so called friends, they're world view and perspective was going to far into relative morality for me, not lining up with being Christian even though they claim to be Christian.
> 
> A lot of people just don't fear God anymore, or believe his words to be blunt. Some don't know his word so they can't then make an informed decision, some avoid reading the word on purpose cause they know they'll have to stop living how they're living now. While others think it's just old fashioned "tradition" and not really what He said and many misinterpretations etc.
> Btw I don't know who or what phang us either?




IT was a dating blog or book/recommendations elsewhere.  I hope Belle didn't think I was referencing her (I never read it) when I said "in rotation."  Rather, what was in the back of my mind was how I described it pertaining to the "moralist" point of view or the polyandrous type of relationships.


----------



## kanozas

I have a little testimony and it occurred last Friday and has lasted to this Monday.  I was so very excited.  Thought that part of my heart was truly dead even though I was verbally going through the motions of wanting to be married (again).  MY HEART IS STILL BEATING AGAIN!  This is all just part of G-d's providence and words of affirmation to me, part of his ...should I say promise...???...to restore me.  I haven't stopped smiling.  Today, another word of affirmation that healing is near.  I just wanted to share with someone.  "Tell your heart to beat again..."   Hold on, whatever it is, you are in His plans.  :

*Danny Gokey Lyrics*
*"Tell Your Heart To Beat Again"*

You're shattered
Like you've never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you're never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again

Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It's alright now
Love's healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
Cause your story's far from over
And your journey's just begun

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again

Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
'Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven's working
Everything for your good

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Your heart to beat again
Beat again

Oh, so tell your heart to beat again


----------



## Maracujá

This is not written from a Christian viewpoint, but I still enjoyed it. Please don't stone me lol:

http://theeverygirl.com/why-being-single-in-your-30s-is-incredible/


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## Lucia




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## Lucia




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## Lucia

#askfrmike


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## Lucia




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## Lucia

kanozas said:


> I have a little testimony and it occurred last Friday and has lasted to this Monday.  I was so very excited.  Thought that part of my heart was truly dead even though I was verbally going through the motions of wanting to be married (again).  MY HEART IS STILL BEATING AGAIN!  This is all just part of G-d's providence and words of affirmation to me, part of his ...should I say promise...???...to restore me.  I haven't stopped smiling.  Today, another word of affirmation that healing is near.  I just wanted to share with someone.  "Tell your heart to beat again..."   Hold on, whatever it is, you are in His plans.  :
> 
> *Danny Gokey Lyrics*
> *"Tell Your Heart To Beat Again"*
> 
> You're shattered
> Like you've never been before
> The life you knew
> In a thousand pieces on the floor
> And words fall short in times like these
> When this world drives you to your knees
> You think you're never gonna get back
> To the you that used to be
> 
> Tell your heart to beat again
> Close your eyes and breathe it in
> Let the shadows fall away
> Step into the light of grace
> Yesterday's a closing door
> You don't live there anymore
> Say goodbye to where you've been
> And tell your heart to beat again
> 
> Beginning
> Just let that word wash over you
> It's alright now
> Love's healing hands have pulled you through
> So get back up, take step one
> Leave the darkness, feel the sun
> Cause your story's far from over
> And your journey's just begun
> 
> Tell your heart to beat again
> Close your eyes and breathe it in
> Let the shadows fall away
> Step into the light of grace
> Yesterday's a closing door
> You don't live there anymore
> Say goodbye to where you've been
> And tell your heart to beat again
> 
> Let every heartbreak
> And every scar
> Be a picture that reminds you
> Who has carried you this far
> 'Cause love sees farther than you ever could
> In this moment heaven's working
> Everything for your good
> 
> Tell your heart to beat again
> Close your eyes and breathe it in
> Let the shadows fall away
> Step into the light of grace
> Yesterday's a closing door
> You don't live there anymore
> Say goodbye to where you've been
> And tell your heart to beat again
> Your heart to beat again
> Beat again
> 
> Oh, so tell your heart to beat again



Praise God! Isn't that just a great feeling?


----------



## kanozas

Lucia said:


> Praise God! Isn't that just a great feeling?


It is and this remains today.  I'm very grateful for it.  Even diff plans have emerged and a renewed sense is developing!


----------



## Maracujá

Lucia said:


>



That part about both families getting along, yeah, that's what I keep thinking/praying about lately. Things flow more easily that way and I know it's possible because I've seen it happen in my own family. 

Do not ignore prayer for this area, some women are going through hell because of their in-laws .


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## Maracujá

The single season is the perfect time to travel, so what were you ladies up to this summer?


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## Divine.

Maracujá said:


> The single season is the perfect time to travel, so what were you ladies up to this summer?



This summer I went to New Jersey, New York, and DC. I have been enjoying traveling more!


----------



## bellatiamarie

Maracujá said:


> The single season is the perfect time to travel, so what were you ladies up to this summer?



I went to Jamaica.  It's the perfect getaway for singles.  I love that place.  I'm not Jamaican but it feels like home when I go there not sure why.  I'll be going back in October!


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## Maracujá

Awesome ladies, thanks for sharing! 

Another question: do you ladies feel confident giving advice about relationships to women who are coupled up? I feel like I'm such a laywoman when it comes to that...and it's starting to cause trouble.


----------



## laCriolla

question-

I started dating a man who after meeting him I immediately began to pray for discernment regarding whether he was someone the Lord had for me.  We moved very slowly. Regarding the dating- I fasted, journaled, went to service daily during my lunch hour, all praying for clarity and overall just tried to stay more connected with God's voice than my own desire (to be in a relationship).  Fast forward 4 months- the guy told me to my face that "There is no King God, that God is inside of Me and inside of You". I also found out that same day he had a girlfriend the entire time, and that she's a preacher's daughter.

Needless to say I was crushed. I was also grateful to God, and I thanked God for answering my prayers of discernment and I stopped speaking to this man immediately.

So that all was revealed about 3 months ago. and today I feel hurt. and I don't know why, because, I don't want to be with a lying manipulating man who does not believe in the Lord.  I feel bad for her, but I feel bad for myself too (and guilty about that) - apparently he took her on a tour of Europe and is living his 'best life'. I know appearances aren't everything, but gosh it gets hard when it seems like people who are cruel to others prosper.

after typing all of that I don't remember what my question is.  I guess I'm just venting
ETA: since she's a person of faith isn't the Holy Spirit telling her that he's not a good man? Is it possible God would send this lying cheating man to her? I thought God does not give broken gifts.


----------



## Ms. Tarabotti

laCriolla said:


> question-
> 
> I started dating a man who after meeting him I immediately began to pray for discernment regarding whether he was someone the Lord had for me.  We moved very slowly. Regarding the dating- I fasted, journaled, went to service daily during my lunch hour, all praying for clarity and overall just tried to stay more connected with God's voice than my own desire (to be in a relationship).  Fast forward 4 months- the guy told me to my face that "There is no King God, that God is inside of Me and inside of You". I also found out that same day he had a girlfriend the entire time, and that she's a preacher's daughter.
> 
> Needless to say I was crushed. I was also grateful to God, and I thanked God for answering my prayers of discernment and I stopped speaking to this man immediately.
> 
> So that all was revealed about 3 months ago. and today I feel hurt. and I don't know why, because, I don't want to be with a lying manipulating man who does not believe in the Lord.  I feel bad for her, but I feel bad for myself too (and guilty about that) - apparently he took her on a tour of Europe and is living his 'best life'. I know appearances aren't everything, but gosh it gets hard when it seems like people who are cruel to others prosper.
> 
> after typing all of that I don't remember what my question is.  I guess I'm just venting
> ETA: since she's a person of faith isn't the Holy Spirit telling her that he's not a good man? Is it possible God would send this lying cheating man to her? I thought God does not give broken gifts.



She may be a preachers daughter but are you sure that she is a person of faith? We assume that people who grow up in the church, are preachers kids or have any connection to the church are people of faith but that might not be the case.

She may not have asked for discernment regarding her dating life. Sad to say, many Christian women are so wrapped up in having a man that they don't ask God is this the man for me? They don't ask if the man is a true Christian ( some men know just enough 'religious' talk to make you think that they know God when all they are doing is spouting a lot of nonsense). It may seem that she is living the life now but she is with a man who has shown himself to be a liar and a manipulator. God does not take these things lightly and sooner or later they both must answer for their actions. It is hard to see how God works when all we can see from the outside is evil prospering while good seems to languish.  We can't see the brokenness that some actions may bring. Because you asked God to show you the truth about this man, you were spared major heartache down the road. It hurts now but you might have experienced a greater hurt if you had continued with this relationship.


----------



## laCriolla

Ms. Tarabotti said:


> She may be a preachers daughter but are you sure that she is a person of faith? We assume that people who grow up in the church, are preachers kids or have any connection to the church are people of faith but that might not be the case.
> 
> She may not have asked for discernment regarding her dating life. Sad to say, many Christian women are so wrapped up in having a man that they don't ask God is this the man for me? They don't ask if the man is a true Christian ( some men know just enough 'religious' talk to make you think that they know God when all they are doing is spouting a lot of nonsense). It may seem that she is living the life now but she is with a man who has shown himself to be a liar and a manipulator. God does not take these things lightly and sooner or later they both must answer for their actions. It is hard to see how God works when all we can see from the outside is evil prospering while good seems to languish.  We can't see the brokenness that some actions may bring. Because you asked God to show you the truth about this man, you were spared major heartache down the road. It hurts now but you might have experienced a greater hurt if you had continued with this relationship.


Thank you

She has a tattoo that says "faith" which she took a photo of and they posted it on his Instagram in response to a private letter I wrote her telling her that for the past few months he had been dating me and that I just learned about her and was sorry and that I thought she should know. She said she has faith. They are still together.


----------



## blessedandfavoured

laCriolla said:


> question-
> 
> I started dating a man who after meeting him I immediately began to pray for discernment regarding whether he was someone the Lord had for me.  We moved very slowly. Regarding the dating- I fasted, journaled, went to service daily during my lunch hour, all praying for clarity and overall just tried to stay more connected with God's voice than my own desire (to be in a relationship).  Fast forward 4 months- the guy told me to my face that "There is no King God, that God is inside of Me and inside of You". I also found out that same day he had a girlfriend the entire time, and that she's a preacher's daughter.
> 
> Needless to say I was crushed. I was also grateful to God, and I thanked God for answering my prayers of discernment and I stopped speaking to this man immediately.
> 
> So that all was revealed about 3 months ago. and today I feel hurt. and I don't know why, because, I don't want to be with a lying manipulating man who does not believe in the Lord.  I feel bad for her, but I feel bad for myself too (and guilty about that) - apparently he took her on a tour of Europe and is living his 'best life'. I know appearances aren't everything, but gosh it gets hard when it seems like people who are cruel to others prosper.
> 
> after typing all of that I don't remember what my question is.  I guess I'm just venting
> ETA: since she's a person of faith isn't the Holy Spirit telling her that he's not a good man? Is it possible God would send this lying cheating man to her? I thought God does not give broken gifts.



Truly, the Lord is found of those who seek Him!  I praise God with you that He delivered you from a wolf.  The Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth - praise the Lord.



laCriolla said:


> Thank you
> 
> She has a tattoo that says "faith" which she took a photo of and they posted it on his Instagram in response to a private letter I wrote her telling her that for the past few months he had been dating me and that I just learned about her and was sorry and that I thought she should know. She said she has faith. They are still together.



This is not faith, this is foolishness.  She is lying to herself, or she is as bad as he is.  Either way, unless Jesus intervenes, the end result will be needless suffering.


----------



## Divine.

@laCriolla There is a difference between knowing of God and having a personal relationship with him. When you have a personal relationship with God, overtime you distinctly know his voice. I was in the church my entire life and although I identified as a Christian, I did not know God at all. I found myself in a lot of dysfunctional relationships because of it. Men I thought were "good' turned out to be the worst decisions I made.

It could also be that she is choosing not heed the Holy Spirit's promptings. I have done this as well and had to deal with the consequences of not being obedient. If you ask me, this man isn't worthy of the pedestal you're putting him on. Neither is this girl he is dating. There are a lot of assumptions being made.

I went through something similar. As hard as it was, I had to make the decision that I was going to worry about myself and get healed. I could not put energy into the what ifs and whys. Why her? Why am I not enough but she is? I had to battle so many emotions of jealousy, bitterness, grief, etc. But I decided to give all of it to God and learn to forgive this man. I forgave him daily and did not give up until it stuck. To this day, I am intentional about forgiving him when a negative thought crosses my mind.


----------



## laCriolla

Divine. said:


> @laCriolla
> It could also be that she is choosing not heed the Holy Spirit's promptings. I have done this as well and had to deal with the consequences of not being obedient. If you ask me, this man isn't worthy of the pedestal you're putting him on. Neither is this girl he is dating. There are a lot of assumptions being made.



thank you!  where are the assumptions?


----------



## Divine.

laCriolla said:


> thank you!  where are the assumptions?



That this guy is a "gift" to this other woman. This guy may not be in God's will for this other woman either. I highly doubt that God had anything to do with this union.  The enemy could've sent him to get her distracted. Not every person you date will be God's best.

The other thing to consider is if this man isn't believer, then we can't assume that God is at the center of this relationship.

What you can be sure of is that God does not lie and he is faithful. God showed you the truth about this man because he loves you. If you believe this to be true as well, you have to rest in this closed door.


----------



## laCriolla

Divine. said:


> That this guy is a "gift" to this other woman. This guy may not be in God's will for this other woman either. I highly doubt that God had anything to do with this union.  The enemy could've sent him to get her distracted. Not every person you date will be God's best.
> 
> The other thing to consider is if this man isn't believer, then we can't assume that God is at the center of this relationship.
> 
> What you can be sure of is that God does not lie and he is faithful. God showed you the truth about this man because he loves you. If you believe this to be true as well, you have to rest in this closed door.



you're right. you're so right


----------



## Divine.

@laCriolla I know how hard it is not having all the answers! But you have hold on to what you know to be true. If you ever need to vent or just somebody to talk to, feel free to message me


----------



## Maracujá

Starting to feel comfortable as a single after a decade . 

I'm split between whether I should save for later on, should I ever get married. Or just splurge and have fun (travel a lot).


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> Starting to feel comfortable as a single after a decade .
> 
> I'm split between whether I should save for later on, should I ever get married. Or just splurge and have fun (travel a lot).



I'd say both.  You should be saving for _yourself_ anyway whether or not you get married.  But it's possible to save and still travel.


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> I'd say both.  You should be saving for _yourself_ anyway whether or not you get married.  But it's possible to save and still travel.



You’re absolutely right, but I am challenged in this area. Any tips you care to share?


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> You’re absolutely right, but I am challenged in this area. Any tips you care to share?



One tip is to set it up so a specific percentage or dollar amount of your paycheck automatically gets funneled into a savings account. That way it grows without you thinking about it. And don't touch it!  Also if you get any extra money (refund, earnings from a side job, etc) put that in your savings account. 

As far as vacations, plan early and look for deals. I travel on the cheap.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Warning: bitter post ahead. 

Even the most well known black Catholic worship leader has (surprise surprise) a white fiancé: 

Seriously it just feels like God has forgotten us


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Warning: bitter post ahead.
> 
> Even the most well known black Catholic worship leader has (surprise surprise) a white fiancé:
> 
> Seriously it just feels like God has forgotten us



No don’t even entertain that thought, God has someone for you he would not have put that dream on your heart if it wasn’t so. Besides, if they can swirl why can’t we?  I’m just saying.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia




----------



## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


>



Ally has posted like 5 videos with the same message LOL.  But I still love the reminder  

Not only will he pursue you, but the man God has for you will love everything about you, faults and all.  There will be something unique about you that he is drawn to.


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> Ally has posted like 5 videos with the same message LOL.  But I still love the reminder
> 
> *Not only will he pursue you, but the man God has for you will love everything about you, faults and all.  There will be something unique about you that he is drawn to.*



Truly hope so, I'm awkward as all get up . 

Here's another blog post that blessed me yesterday: 

http://www.blissforsingles.com/hidden-single-woman/


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> Truly hope so, I'm awkward as all get up .
> 
> Here's another blog post that blessed me yesterday:
> 
> http://www.blissforsingles.com/hidden-single-woman/



Great blog post! My prayer is Lord, I'm ready to be "unhidden"


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> Great blog post! My prayer is Lord, I'm ready to be "unhidden"



I had that same thought just last week, when a nice gentleman asked me where he could catch bus 71


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Ally has posted like 5 videos with the same message LOL.  But I still love the reminder
> 
> Not only will he pursue you, but the man God has for you will love everything about you, faults and all.  There will be something unique about you that he is drawn to.



I know right, I saw other videos with that same title really Ally just send the new subbies to your old link.  
Yes, I believe that’s true, we’re all unique and FH is looking for 1 unique wife.


----------



## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> Great blog post! My prayer is Lord, I'm ready to be "unhidden"



Be ready cause once you’re “unhidden” the bums, and ninja’s = no income, no job, no assets, can see you too.  The good news is that you’re smart, have the HS to help you discern enough too see those fools from a block away.


----------



## Maracujá

Perpetual singleness has me feeling like an outsider. On top of that, people just assume that you must have so much time on your hands, when really I have the same daily chores as everyone else, but have to tackle them all by myself. 

Oh, have a nice week-end ladies.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

I've come across so many amazing articles recently: 
http://www.theyoungcatholicwoman.com/archivescollection/2017/10/18/bnk8b9adbv6qolothx52gw9xcbp3k0
https://chastityproject.com/2017/10/god-what-are-you-waiting-for/


----------



## Maracujá

Today's message at our church solidified my conviction to no longer date.
The lady who preached said that all throughout her life, she's only known one man and had one husband.

I'm younger than her and have dated a few men, I was even intimate with one. I long for that kind of intimacy she has, where pieces of you are not scattered all over the place. But where you're just 'one', as God often refers to Himself in the Bible.


----------



## Maracujá

Ladies, let's not grow weary of praying for our future love life. I work at a health insurance company and between the phone calls from women I had today, and Mary J. Blige's ex-husband, I'm too through.


----------



## Lucia

Let it shine!


----------



## YvetteWithJoy

Maracujá said:


> Truly hope so, I'm awkward as all get up .
> 
> Here's another blog post that blessed me yesterday:
> 
> http://www.blissforsingles.com/hidden-single-woman/



I'm awkward as all get out, too, @Maracujá, and several guys liked me enough to marry me. 

Awkward people experience love and connection and get married all the time.  

I blossomed a lot when I stopped being so afraid to just be who I am. I still grapple a little with having such a strong personality when the bible calls for quietness, meekness, etc., but that's a whole 'nother issue.

What are your favorite activities? Are there christian groups in your area that engage in those activities from time to time?


----------



## Maracujá

YvetteWithJoy said:


> I'm awkward as all get out, too, @Maracujá, and several guys liked me enough to marry me.
> 
> *Awkward people experience love and connection and get married all the time. *
> 
> *I blossomed a lot when I stopped being so afraid to just be who I am.* I still grapple a little with having such a strong personality when the bible calls for quietness, meekness, etc., but that's a whole 'nother issue.
> 
> What are your favorite activities? *Are there christian groups in your area that engage in those activities from time to time?*



This is very comforting and healing, thank you. I am in the process of blossoming, but every time I take a step forward, I get set back two steps. I have a mental illness and struggle a lot with impure and negative thoughts. 

I like walking, reading and writing. I had joined a writing group but it got dismantled lol. But you're right, I need to look into a walking group in my area. I love walking in the evenings but am too chicken to do it by myself, it wouldn't be safe imo.


----------



## YvetteWithJoy

Maracujá said:


> This is very comforting and healing, thank you. I am in the process of blossoming, but every time I take a step forward, I get set back two steps. I have a mental illness and struggle a lot with impure and negative thoughts.
> 
> I like walking, reading and writing. I had joined a writing group but it got dismantled lol. But you're right, I need to look into a walking group in my area. I love walking in the evenings but am too chicken to do it by myself, it wouldn't be safe imo.



I'm so glad it helped. Yes: Stay safe! Never walk alone. Ever.

One of the best things that happened to me was going off to college where I encountered a ridiculously high proportion of awkward yet happy and successful and social fellow students. I actually started to feel "normal." 

Once you start safely doing activities with people like you or at least with your same likes, you will start to feel more at ease with who you are -- how God designed and loves you!

When you first start doing activities others, you may make a few social mistakes. You may not. Regardless, keep going. On the 16th I'm meeting up with a meetup for introverted women. I've been awkward in talking with them in the past, and normally I would be to "ashamed" to return. But I have to keep at it. To constantly live inside one's own head, always thinking about oneself, what you have or don't have, how you are or aren't -- constant self-focus and self-analysis is not a practice of happy people.

Getting out there, socializing, volunteering, worshipping, etc. help me settle into comfortable, healthy ways of being.

And it helped me be happy whether single or married.


----------



## Lucia

Source: http://natural-fertility-info.com/birth-control-pill-negatively-impacts-fertility.html



*Top 5 Ways the Birth Control Pill Negatively Impacts Long-Term Fertility*






How many women do you know that have taken the birth control pill? More than likely, it is almost all of them. The birth control pill is one of the most prescribed medications in the U.S. and not just for pregnancy prevention. What if I told you that the Pill, while freely taken by most women at some point in their life, may actually not be good for long-term fertility? 

Birth control is prescribed for preventing pregnancy and to control acne, but also for a variety of fertility issues such as endometriosis, PCOS, ovarian cysts, pain associated with fertility issues, PMS, and irregular menstrual cycles. Sounds pretty great, right? But, is it?

A simple internet search of the statement _how using birth control impacts fertility_ will lead you to a list of resources that say, to sum up the medical viewpoint, taking an oral contraceptive pill, aka the Pill, will not impact your future fertility.

Older studies (there are very few current studies), as well as articles on the web report that women who use birth control don’t have trouble conceiving naturally after stopping its use and get pregnant just as fast as other women, even if they’ve used birth control for years. In fact, one rather large study in which 2,000+ women reported, titled the _European Active Surveillance Study on Oral Contraceptives_, concluded that “Previous oral-contraceptive use does not negatively affect initial and 1-year rates of pregnancy after oral-contraceptive cessation…”

Why then, are we seeing very different results with our clients? Each and every day we work with women who have stopped long-term birth control use (anywhere from 1 – 20 years of use) and now have any number of concerning fertility-related symptoms and health issues. Our abundance of case histories have lead us to believe that the answer is most certainly not black and white. We have learned that taking the Pill can negatively impact long-term fertility. 

*Prolonged use of birth control confuses the body and may negatively impact long-term fertility in the following ways…*

*1. Menstrual cycle disruption.*FertilityFriend.com shares that studies show the following…


_10.24% of all first cycles after discontinuing oral contraceptives were not ovulatory (compared with 3.44% of control group)._
_Significant differences also appeared in the second and third cycles after discontinuing oral contraceptives._
_Cycles were longer in the post-pill group up to cycle number 12._
_Cycle disturbances (defined as a luteal phase length of less than 10 days or a cycle length greater than 35 days) were more frequent in the post-pill group until the seventh cycle._
_Cycle disturbances after discontinuing oral contraceptives were reversible but regulation took up to nine months or longer._
*2. Hormone imbalance –*Synthetic hormone-containing birth control may provide symptom relief, but it does not address the underlying imbalance that is fueling or contributing to the fertility issue being dealt with. What the Pill is doing is introducing synthetic forms of estrogen and progesterone to the body, which then prevent the body’s natural, beneficial hormones from bonding to hormone receptor sites. Introducing synthetic hormones into the body may further exacerbate hormone imbalance by overloading it.

*3. Disrupted ovulation –* The synthetic hormones contained in birth control regulate release and timing of specific hormones in the body to prevent ovulation. This is not how the normal release of hormones plays out in a naturally occurring menstrual cycle. It is necessary, as you know, to ovulate a mature, healthy follicle (egg) in order to achieve natural pregnancy. The Pill prevents the maturation of a follicle for ovulation, one of the ovaries most important jobs. Over time, the ovaries may “forget” how to do their job on their own because they haven’t been signaled with the right hormones at the correct time in the menstrual cycle.

*4. Cervical mucus changes –* The Pill has been shown to thicken cervical mucus so that sperm cannot reach the egg. Healthy cervical mucus is important for conception because it helps sperm travel through the vagina and the cervix to meet and fertilize an egg. 

*5. Changes the uterine lining –*The Pill changes the uterine lining to make it unreceptive to the implantation of a fertilized egg. By controlling the body’s estrogen and progesterone levels with synthetic hormones, the Pill does not allow for the proper levels of progesterone to build a healthy uterine lining for implantation. 

Many women begin taking the pill at a very young age and don’t stop until they want to begin trying to conceive. The Pill doesn’t cause infertility, but impacts long-term fertility by “silencing a woman’s biological clock for so long that, in some cases, they forget it’s ticking away”. In other cases, women ignore or forget they are dealing with a fertility issue because the symptoms have gone away.

The bottom line is this, women trying to control the symptoms of a fertility issue by taking the Pill are not addressing the underlying imbalance that is fueling, or contributing to the fertility issue.Instead, they are using a synthetic medication to control the symptoms of the problem while simultaneously allowing the body to defy nature. 

*Too learn more about related subjects covered in this article, please visit the following links:*

*How to Balance Your Hormones After Birth Control

Increase Cervical Mucous to Get Pregnant


References:
1. Barton, D. How to Balance Your Hormones After Birth Control: http://natural-fertility-info.com/birth-control-fertility.html
2. Birth Control Pills: http://www.healthywomen.org/condition/birth-control-pills
3. Birth Control Side Effects: What you don’t know could hurt you: http://www.floliving.com/birth-control-side-effects/
4. Can birth control now impact pregnancy later?: http://www.today.com/id/19803528/ns...trol-now-impact-pregnancy-later/#.VAoow6M8rB8
5. Crocker, Lizzie: Should You Quit the Pill?: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articl...rth-control-pill-s-negative-side-effects.html
6. Cronin, M. Schellschmidt, I. and Dinger, J. Rate of Pregnancy After Using Drospirenone and Other Progestin-Containing Oral Contraceptives: http://journals.lww.com/greenjourna...regnancy_After_Using_Drospirenone_and.20.aspx
7. Fertility After Oral Contraceptives: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/Faqs/Fertility-After-Oral-Contraceptives.html
*


----------



## Belle Du Jour

^ I'm team Natural Family Planning all the way.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> *Ladies, let's not grow weary of praying for our future love life.* I work at a health insurance company and between the phone calls from women I had today, and Mary J. Blige's ex-husband, I'm too through.



It never fails, every time I'm ready to throw in the towel and stop "bothering" God about my desire to become a wife and mother, the reading at Mass is about persevering in prayer.  Recently it was from Romans 12.   So I take it as a sign to keep going.  I don't know why it's taking this long, but I trust in God and as time passes, I feel more confident that He WILL answer this prayer, because He placed the desire in my heart. Yes, let's keep moving forward, staying in step with God and not getting too far ahead of Him.  He will give us the grace to get through each day.


----------



## Maracujá

Belle Du Jour said:


> It never fails, every time I'm ready to throw in the towel and stop "bothering" God about my desire to become a wife and mother, the reading at Mass is about* persevering in prayer*.  Recently it was from Romans 12.   So I take it as a sign to keep going.  I don't know why it's taking this long, but I trust in God and as time passes, I feel more confident that He WILL answer this prayer, because He placed the desire in my heart. *Yes, let's keep moving forward, staying in step with God and not getting too far ahead of Him.  He will give us the grace to get through each day.*



Yes, it's not easy. But looking at marriages around me, I notice how the enemy will give with one hand and steal with the other. So you may have children, but not all of them are completely healthy.  Or you may have a good relationship with your spouse, but his family can't stand you. Or you have financial woes all the time. God says that when He gives, He doesn't add any sorrow to it. 

Pray about any specific area God might be showing you. And don't dismiss the flaws people point out in your life (Song of Songs 2:15). Choose the life that He wants for you, not the one you're concocting in your head. The spirit of self-sabotage is deep and resides in all of us, we don't believe God actually wants to bless us. 

Lately I've been thinking about my sister A LOT. Here is the story she could have been relating to her future children: your father first met Maracujá at a concert, while they were waiting outside. A few weeks later we met and started dating, unbeknownst to us that he had already met my sister. Your father wanted me to get out of the life of living paycheck to paycheck, he wanted to start his own business. He had a hard time finishing college and finding employment, but he was extremely kindhearted. He stood by us when our mother started having mental health issues and was a comic relief every Sunday when he came to visit us, even though we did not attend church back then. He also stood by us when Maracujá started having mental health issues and advised her to go to the Lord, which she's now been doing for close to a decade. 

Instead, here's the story my sister settled for: I met your father on Tinder, we met up and moved in with one another in less than a year. There's no real fizzle in our relationship, but at least we travel all the time and the one thing we really have in common is that his mother also had mental health issues. We don't have major health issues, our finances are great, he doesn't push me to become financially free but hey...

Ladies, let's not settle.


----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> Yes, it's not easy. But looking at marriages around me, I notice how the enemy will give with one hand and steal with the other. So you may have children, but not all of them are completely healthy.  Or you may have a good relationship with your spouse, but his family can't stand you. Or you have financial woes all the time. God says that when He gives, He doesn't add any sorrow to it.
> 
> Pray about any specific area God might be showing you. And don't dismiss the flaws people point out in your life (Song of Songs 2:15). Choose the life that He wants for you, not the one you're concocting in your head. The spirit of self-sabotage is deep and resides in all of us, we don't believe God actually wants to bless us.
> 
> Lately I've been thinking about my sister A LOT. Here is the story she could have been relating to her future children: your father first met Maracujá at a concert, while they were waiting outside. A few weeks later we met and started dating, unbeknownst to us that he had already met my sister. Your father wanted me to get out of the life of living paycheck to paycheck, he wanted to start his own business. He had a hard time finishing college and finding employment, but he was extremely kindhearted. He stood by us when our mother started having mental health issues and was a comic relief every Sunday when he came to visit us, even though we did not attend church back then. He also stood by us when Maracujá started having mental health issues and advised her to go to the Lord, which she's now been doing for close to a decade.
> 
> Instead, here's the story my sister settled for: I met your father on Tinder, we met up and moved in with one another in less than a year. There's no real fizzle in our relationship, but at least we travel all the time and the one thing we really have in common is that his mother also had mental health issues. We don't have major health issues, our finances are great, he doesn't push me to become financially free but hey...
> 
> Ladies, let's not settle.



Wow, thanks for sharing this. It really hit home for me because I realize that I could have settled and I didn’t know what was on the other side of getting married to that guy, but God knew. Maybe his family would be against it while smiling in my face, he was a self admitted cheater who claimed he changed his ways, (that turned out to be a lie) and other little red flags I choose to ignore excusing them away with “well nobody’s perfect”.  He’s a hard working professional man, educated, yada, yada.

Recently God has had me witness the inner workings of other people’s relationships, seeing beyond that facade they want to project and I now understand most times if your having to break down impossible doors and fight for every inch in a relationship, God isn’t in that, it’s all you and your ego, and it’s God's way of telling you this isn’t it.  Yes there’s are some tests, trials obstacles but if every little thing is a fight or a struggle then maybe it’s not meant to be.

 It’s really easy to get caught up thinking of settling when there aren’t any big red flags or obvious deal breakers, (like he’s a drug addict or woman beater, insert whatever scenario here, etc...) especially when “everyone else is getting engaged and married” well like you point out on the surface things may look great but settling robs the woman of Gods greatness, it robs the man of Gods greatness any children that come from that union as well. It’s not that there bad people or anything they just settled for what we alone think good enough, when God has and wants greatness for all of us. We should and must stay in prayer and get confirmation from the HS cause God knows, He sees into  the hearts of men and knows what the real situation is and will be like if you step into that life.
 Of course we have free will and if we choose wrong guess what God is a gentleman the ultimate gentleman and He will respect our decision and let the consequences from that play out always offering little nudges messages to let us know He’s there waiting for us to make our lives better especially if and when we’ve messed up.


----------



## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> Wow, thanks for sharing this. It really hit home for me because I realize that I could have settled and I didn’t know what was on the other side of getting married to that guy, but God knew. Maybe his family would be against it while smiling in my face, he was a self admitted cheater who claimed he changed his ways, (that turned out to be a lie) and other little red flags I choose to ignore excusing them away with “well nobody’s perfect”.  He’s a hard working professional man, educated, yada, yada.
> 
> Recently God has had me witness the inner workings of other people’s relationships, seeing beyond that facade they want to project and I now understand most times if your having to break down impossible doors and fight for every inch in a relationship, God isn’t in that, it’s all you and your ego, and it’s God's way of telling you this isn’t it.  Yes there’s are some tests, trials obstacles but if every little thing is a fight or a struggle then maybe it’s not meant to be.
> 
> It’s really easy to get caught up thinking of settling when there aren’t any big red flags or obvious deal breakers, (like he’s a drug addict or woman beater, insert whatever scenario here, etc...) especially when “everyone else is getting engaged and married” well like you point out on the surface things may look great but settling robs the woman of Gods greatness, it robs the man of Gods greatness any children that come from that union as well. It’s not that there had people or anything they just settled for what we alone think good enough, when God has and wants greatness for all of us. We should and must stay inorayer and get confirmation from the HS cause God knows, He sees into  the hearts of men and knows what the real situation is and will be like if you step into that life.
> Of course we have free will and if we choose wrong guess what God is a gentleman the ultimate gentleman and He will respect our decision and let the consequences from that play out always offering little nudges messages to let us know He’s there waiting for us to make our lives better especially if and when we’ve messed up.



I read / heard this somewhere and it's lingering in me: God will never make you choose between what is good and what is bad, that would be too easy. He will always make you choose between what is good and what is best. 

Orpah chose something good (=marriage). Ruth chose something better (= a legacy).


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## Lucia




----------



## Chromia

Lucia said:


>


I just came in here to post this! Glad to see that it's already been posted. This video just came up in my "Up Next' videos while I was watching a clip of a TV show, but I had never seen her videos before. I scrolled through her other videos and saved some to my 'Watch Later'.


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

This message blessed me YEARS ago and now the full version is on YT   Long but worth it.


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## laCriolla

Divine. said:


> @laCriolla There is a difference between knowing of God and having a personal relationship with him. When you have a personal relationship with God, overtime you distinctly know his voice. I was in the church my entire life and although I identified as a Christian, I did not know God at all. I found myself in a lot of dysfunctional relationships because of it. Men I thought were "good' turned out to be the worst decisions I made.
> 
> It could also be that she is choosing not heed the Holy Spirit's promptings. I have done this as well and had to deal with the consequences of not being obedient. If you ask me, this man isn't worthy of the pedestal you're putting him on. Neither is this girl he is dating. There are a lot of assumptions being made.
> 
> I went through something similar. As hard as it was, I had to make the decision that I was going to worry about myself and get healed. I could not put energy into the what ifs and whys. Why her? Why am I not enough but she is? I had to battle so many emotions of jealousy, bitterness, grief, etc. But I decided to give all of it to God and learn to forgive this man. I forgave him daily and did not give up until it stuck. To this day, I am intentional about forgiving him when a negative thought crosses my mind.




update:  I was just sitting on the couch while visiting my mom, and he called me.  I did not answer the phone.  an hour later he texted asking for 5 minutes of my time, "whenever".  I did not respond.  I have not heard from him since April !  I can't believe he's calling me.  he must need a kidney.


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## Divine.

laCriolla said:


> update:  I was just sitting on the couch while visiting my mom, and he called me.  I did not answer the phone.  an hour later he texted asking for 5 minutes of my time, "whenever".  I did not respond.  I have not heard from him since April !  I can't believe he's calling me.  he must need a kidney.



Yay! I'm so glad to hear you didn't answer. If you happen to get the urge to see what he wants, think about the reason why you two aren't talking in the first place. Also remind yourself that he is not the type of man that you'd want to date. 

He needs to be worrying about his girlfriend, not texting you


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## Lucia

laCriolla said:


> update:  I was just sitting on the couch while visiting my mom, and he called me.  I did not answer the phone.  an hour later he texted asking for 5 minutes of my time, "whenever".  I did not respond.  I have not heard from him since April !  I can't believe he's calling me.  he must need a kidney.



Can you block him from your phone? Seriously, He’s a distraction, an Ishmael  he doesn’t deserve any of your time.


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## Maracujá

> Secured another job a week and a half after leaving my last job. It's a return to a family business I worked for in 2015 so it's more or less familiar, even though there have been some changes. I'm excited because I felt so good working there in 2015, I hope it will be a repeat of that year.



The quote above is from the good news thread and I just wanted to apply it to our love life as singlistas. All of 2017 I worked for an insurance company in the capital city, it was a one year contract with possibility of becoming a permanent job. Despite the fact that I had an average of 80% for all my evaluations, I knew the vibe was off and that they would come up with some excuse not to keep me. That is exactly what happened. 

So after I got the news, I went home and immediately sent out ONE e-mail to the company for which I worked in 2015. I also applied for another company just in case. Not too long after, I got the call from the daughter who is now in charge of the family company that I could come by for an interview and just take a few tests, so I did. Literally a week and half later, I was back at work. During our interview she asked me if I had applied for other jobs and I explained to her that I hadn't sent out too many resumés at all. She said: "Good, sending out too many resumés and always being rejected can kill your self-esteem." 

This got me thinking about our love life and this video (caution: foul language). We really only need ONE, yet we keep casting our nets so wide, for no good reason whatsoever.


----------



## Lucia

#Letthemgo #letthemwalk #TDJakes


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## Lucia

#friendswithbenefits #Godsplanformylife


----------



## beingofserenity

Is there room in this thread for someone who wants to be purposefully single for a full year?



Meaning absolutely no dating, no talking, no getting to know anyone, no going out with the intention of meeting anyone, no talking to ex bfs lol.

Nothing beyond platonic.

No sadness about being alone.

No sex.

I've been repeating lessons lately and I want a break from the up and down. 

It's going to be difficult for me. I've never done anything like this, but I feel like I need to.

My purpose for this year is to get to know myself and get to know God.

I still don't have a true relationship with Him. It ocurred to me lately that my relationship with Him needs to be nurtured like any other relationship.


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## Divine.

Welcome @beingofserenity! There’s always room for more. We are here to support each other throughout every part of the journey.


----------



## Lucia

Short rant:
Really what is going on here I keep getting approached by such obvious Ishmaels I mean they’re not even good Ishmaels that check off some of the must haves and deal breakers on my list (my list isn’t long btw) I only made a specific list last year cause I was getting straight ninjas (no income no job no assets and positive attributes) or nice prof men who were emotionally or spiritually bankrupt.  The ones I see trying to approach me  I can see the wheels turning in their heads from go.
Besides I’m only offering anyone aquaintence-ship then friendship only if you’re not crazy emotionally and or spiritually bankrupt,  a player have a  live in GF or have one or multiple baby mamma situations. I don’t get it, this is not what I’ve been focused on or praying for at all. I’ve been working on myself inside and out the total makeover so I can be mostly ready when my God appt hubby comes.
Anyways rant done.


----------



## Lucia

@beingofserenity
Of course there’s  room there’s  no limit. We’re all here to support and help each other. Your post above is what I’ve basically been doing for the past 3 years. I’m not even entertaining a man as a friend if you don’t meet my minimums as in any deal breakers we don’t proceed to friendship.


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## mscurly

Lucia said:


> Short rant:
> Really what is going on here I keep getting approached by such obvious Ishmaels I mean they’re not even good Ishmaels that check off some of the must haves and deal breakers on my list (my list isn’t long btw) I only made a specific list last year cause I was getting straight ninjas (no income no job no assets and positive attributes) or nice prof men who were emotionally or spiritually bankrupt.  The ones I see trying to approach me  I can see the wheels turning in their heads from go.
> Besides I’m only offering anyone aquaintence-ship then friendship only if you’re not crazy emotionally and or spiritually bankrupt,  a player have a  live in GF or have one or multiple baby mamma situations. I don’t get it, this is not what I’ve been focused on or praying for at all. I’ve been working on myself inside and out the total makeover so I can be mostly ready when my God appt hubby comes.
> Anyways rant done.




I can totally relate. I've been dating more lately after almost 2 years of silence. It was like I was hidden from the opposite sex and now the covers are off and men are approaching me again. Which to be honest is a nice feeling. However like you said I'm looking for a husband and praying for certain things and the men I've come in contact with have not fit those requirements. 

I'm getting tired of meeting a bunch of guys only to dismiss them shortly after because their not the one. When I decided to become celibate and wait on The Lord for my husband, I thought he would just show up and that'd be the end of it. No more dating......


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## Lucia

mscurly said:


> I can totally relate. I've been dating more lately after almost 2 years of silence. It was like I was hidden from the opposite sex and now the covers are off and men are approaching me again. Which to be honest is a nice feeling. However like you said I'm looking for a husband and praying for certain things and the men I've come in contact with have not fit those requirements.
> 
> I'm getting tired of meeting a bunch of guys only to dismiss them shortly after because their not the one. When I decided to become celibate and wait on The Lord for my husband, I thought he would just show up and that'd be the end of it. No more dating......



I hear you. We shouldn’t get discouraged even though these people keep approaching. 
I’m praying that there will be a way or some confirmation from God distinguishes the one from the riff raff  I guess these guys not having the minimums is a way but I’ve dealt with. Really good Ishmaels before those jokers are slick and will pretend to respect you’re beliefs only to look for your weakness and try to wear you down. They’re selfish predators that’s exactly why I stopped dating altogether I just got turns off by the whole “game” and won’t be “dating” again friendships then courtship yes.  I don’t want my a BF just to pass the time or so I’m not alone going to functions I was never into that despite harsh scrutiny and pressure from people around me. I got rid of a lot of so called friends. Now I’m only entertaining people who are uplifting.


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## Lucia

Dont if this was posted already


----------



## Neomorph

Hey everyone! 

I am currently redeveloping my relationship with Christ, so I know I am not ready to seriously start looking for a Christian husband. But I am interested in learning from you ladies on how to interact with Christian men and how to be courted properly so I can be prepared later on down the road.


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## Lucia

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-grace/id412142428?mt=2&i=1000401275047


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## Lucia




----------



## Maracujá

These are photographs of my favorite bookshop in my city. It's also not too far from my home. On January 2nd I visited the shop on the left, where there used to be a pharmacy. Apparently they've come to the conclusion that greeting cards and books have more healing potential than medication HA. 

Anyhoo, here's how the conversation went when I walked in:

Me: Madam, are those the Moleskine notebooks on the table? 
Cashier: No, these are actually the predecessors of the Moleskine notebooks. 
Me: :0. May I ask you one more question? 
Cashier: Of course!
Me: Are you in any way affiliated with the bookshop next door, the Limerick? 
Cashier: Yes, we are husband and wife. 
Me: . 

This may seem mundane to some of you, but it gave me so much hope. When one has been single for a long time, you start to question your dreams about love and whether you should maybe lower your aspirations a little. But here is a modern couple that is redefining what it means to be in a relationship in the 21st century. They work next door to each other, the husband probably helped her financially open up her shop, they both have a passion for books and so much more. Keep dreaming ladies, dream real & big dreams.


----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> These are photographs of my favorite bookshop in my city. It's also not too far from my home. On January 2nd I visited the shop on the left, where there used to be a pharmacy. Apparently they've come to the conclusion that greeting cards and books have more healing potential than medication HA.
> 
> Anyhoo, here's how the conversation went when I walked in:
> 
> Me: Madam, are those the Moleskine notebooks on the table?
> Cashier: No, these are actually the predecessors of the Moleskine notebooks.
> Me: :0. May I ask you one more question?
> Cashier: Of course!
> Me: Are you in any way affiliated with the bookshop next door, the Limerick?
> Cashier: Yes, we are husband and wife.
> Me: .
> 
> This may seem mundane to some of you, but it gave me so much hope. When one has been single for a long time, you start to question your dreams about love and whether you should maybe lower your aspirations a little. But here is a modern couple that is redefining what it means to be in a relationship in the 21st century. They work next door to each other, the husband probably helped her financially open up her shop, they both have a passion for books and so much more. Keep dreaming ladies, dream real & big dreams.



Beautiful story, and those shops look so pretty and picturesque they should be on postcards. I love  little boutiques mom and pop shops they have the unique finds.


----------



## Lucia

Watching this series eye opening whether married or single  and needed this young Pastor is bold.


----------



## Lucia




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## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

Just wanted to get this out here so you ladies can watch out for these type of predetory men, and I use them the term men loosely.

So here it is:

First I would never entertain this guy he has major obvious mood swings and personality changes like he’s bi-polar, he thinks voodoo and witchcraft aren’t evil it’s just another way to live (and claims he’s a Christian )because it’s part of carribean and South American history, and  to me he’s unattractive but attractive or not I would not be entertaining this man ever.  Those are just things I casually observed in his interactions with me and others, also he stated in convo to someone else my wife etc...also there’s a Strict no dating policy at work, you date a coworker even in another dept you get termed, period! (keep this in mind)

I was approached by this guy at our workplace talking about wanna be my friend, see a movie, go to a club, I can introduce you to my friends, can I text you?, do you hang out, etc...  like we’re in HS again.
 Now after getting over being disgusted and offended I thought this 40 something guy just wants to waste my time,
My replies were:
No I don’t want to go with you to: see  a movie, I’m not the clubbing type, what are your friends a bunch of guys?, what for?, No,  I don’t have time to “hang out”

Oh you wouldn’t ask me that if I was a woman, men and women can hang out it’s no big deal. I found out from a co worker that he’s been trying to talk to several other women at the workplace and confirmed that he’s married (he didn’t know I knew) Btw he couldn’t answer a simple question are you married, single,  live in GF, the first time before I talked to other coworkers he said he had a girlfriend live in but it’s on and off, now it’s off. (This is after I heard him say wife in convo to someone else and before I confirmed with some women co workers)
Then another day when he started with the same topic I asked again, He hemmed and hawed and finally said (get this)  *I’m married but it’s off and on, and what if I wasn’t married? * *Really, but you ARE MARRIED! *-WTH! the gaul of this guy.
At best he’ll be actively blocking anyone who IS interested in me who’s serious and actually single and available and wants a real relationship with me in the future, at worst he just wants a doorway in so he can set up camp and turn me into his whore jump off, side piece, concubine, mistress, adulteress. The ONLY reason this guy even has access to me is because we work in the same place otherwise I wouldn’t give him the time of day. Finally he comes up with you don’t trust me? But I’m a nice guy? I thought Really cause the eveidence says your a liar, a cheater, and a time waister while I walked away. He doesn’t know that I’m not the one! For real!

There’s everything for me to lose and nothing to gain in this situation if I were to even entertain him and his BS and there’s everything for him to gain ie using me. Anyways I just thought this would be a good topic to expose these fools out here trying to deceive and use women. It’s one thing to know what you’re getting into beforehand and making that choice, which is the wrong choice.
If those coworkers hadn’t talked in front of me I wouldn’t have known and could have been in a messy dangerous situation, not to mention that kind of deceit turns unsuspecting women into adulteress without their knowledge and places upon them and their future descendants serious curses, torment and opens a door to familial spirits that wreck havoc in the family.  I don’t know what kind of test this is or is it just unnecessary drama I don’t have time for especially not at work.
Pray for me ladies that this guy leaves me alone.
Definition of adultery
noun: *adultery*; plural noun: *adulteries*

voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.
"she was *committing adultery with* a much younger man"
synonyms: infidelity, unfaithfulness, falseness, disloyalty, cuckoldry, extramarital sex; More
affair, liaison, fling, amour;
_informal_carrying-on, hanky-panky, two-timing, a bit on the side, fooling around, playing around, dirty weekend
"his adultery finally caught up with him"
*In the Bible the other unmarried person participant  is also an adulterer or adulteress.
7th Commandment
"“You must not commit adultery."
-‭‭Exodus‬ ‭20:14‬‬
http://bible.com/116/exo.20.14.nlt

"I have seen your adultery and lust, and your disgusting idol worship out in the fields and on the hills. What sorrow awaits you, Jerusalem! How long before you are pure?”"
-‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭13:27‬‬
http://bible.com/116/jer.13.27.nlt

"Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery."
-‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:4‬‬
http://bible.com/116/heb.13.4.nlt

"Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality,"
-‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:9‬‬
http://bible.com/116/1co.6.9.nlt

"Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body."
-‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:18‬‬
http://bible.com/116/1co.6.18.nlt

  Prov 6:32,
"But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself."
-‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭6:32‬‬
http://bible.com/116/pro.6.32.nlt


----------



## Maracujá

^^^Thank you so much for sharing @Lucia. Had a similar experience a few years back and just like you, the only thing that saved me was using discernment. When I was younger I just assumed that everyone who hit on me, was single. Now I know better, so after checking the guy's FB and seeing a picture of a woman in a white dress AND then asking him, I found out he was married. He lives in South Africa or something like that, but was here working on his PhD, I immediately cut the contact between us. So much peace came from that. 

Right now people are hurrying me to get with someone, since it's obvious now to even so called Christians and friends that I've been single for quite some time. I'm praying to not let that affect me. There are so many booby traps that are planted by the enemy in our love life. I refuse to be presumptuous and think it can't happen to me. It's becoming clear to me that I was chosen for prolonged singleness so He can use me. 

I've fallen prey to predatory men in the past, they were all non-believers. It's normal that I attracted them because I was lukewarm myself. They used me for physical actions, money and sharing parts of my mind that should only be available to my Isaac. The tests become harder as we get older, but that's because God wants to see if we maintain that childlike faith and live up to the expectations He has placed on our love life. Let's continue to share some more tips.


----------



## bellatiamarie

So.... The guitarist from my church that I told y’all about is getting married in August  I’m laughing but I feel a certain way about it but can’t really pinpoint one specific emotion.  A part of me feels relieved because I had a feeling he was Ishmael for me.  I also kinda was feeling like he was in a hurry to be married anyway and if I wasn’t the one to fall in line he would find somebody to and quickly.  And another part of me feels sadness.  I’m not going to lie—I shed a tear or two .  But I feel a bit of sadness for me not for the loss of him if that makes sense but because... well... here I am yet again.  But I have hope that I will be OK and ultimately know that everything ain’t for everybody but I also know that there’s somebody for me.  So, me and God will be nurturing a small wound to my heart for a little bit but I will survive!

I should’ve followed my first mind in this situation then finding out he was getting married wouldve been a non-factor for me right now. Even though we had a little back and forth, I did invest a little too much time and energy into that situation.  So, now I’m left with a few ambivalent feelings when I shouldn’t feel no two ways about it all.

Holy Spirit has been revealing so much in my life and the opening of my eyes has been so rewarding in each and every situation.   These revelations just remind me that He is protecting me.  At the beginning of this year I decided that I would intentionally not date and I would not entertain a man in any way until my 34th birthday in October.  I really have some soul searching to do.  I feel like I’ve been soul searching for a very long time  but honestly I need God more than I need a husband or a relationship so I’m going to be obedient and continue building my house on The Solid Rock.


----------



## Lucia

bellatiamarie said:


> So.... The guitarist from my church that I told y’all about is getting married in August  I’m laughing but I feel a certain way about it but can’t really pinpoint one specific emotion.  A part of me feels relieved because I had a feeling he was Ishmael for me.  I also kinda was feeling like he was in a hurry to be married anyway and if I wasn’t the one to fall in line he would find somebody to and quickly.  And another part of me feels sadness.  I’m not going to lie—I shed a tear or two .  But I feel a bit of sadness for me not for the loss of him if that makes sense but because... well... here I am yet again.  But I have hope that I will be OK and ultimately know that everything ain’t for everybody but I also know that there’s somebody for me.  So, me and God will be nurturing a small wound to my heart for a little bit but I will survive!
> 
> I should’ve followed my first mind in this situation then finding out he was getting married wouldve been a non-factor for me right now. Even though we had a little back and forth, I did invest a little too much time and energy into that situation.  So, now I’m left with a few ambivalent feelings when I shouldn’t feel no two ways about it all.
> 
> Holy Spirit has been revealing so much in my life and the opening of my eyes has been so rewarding in each and every situation.   These revelations just remind me that He is protecting me.  At the beginning of this year I decided that I would intentionally not date and I would not entertain a man in any way until my 34th birthday in October.  I really have some soul searching to do.  I feel like I’ve been soul searching for a very long time  but honestly I need God more than I need a husband or a relationship so I’m going to be obedient and continue building my house on The Solid Rock.



It’s natural to feel something but you’re right just keep focusing on God. Hope you feel better.
That’s why we have to be more careful with our hearts for most women it’s easy to catch feelings but I’m glad you stuck to your instincts.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Lucia said:


> It’s natural to feel something but you’re right just keep focusing on God. Hope you feel better.
> That’s why we have to be more carfile with our hearts for most women it’s easy to catch feelings but I’m glad you stuck to your instincts.



Yes you’re right.... It’s a heart issue.  That’s the same thing the Holy Spirit revealed to me in prayer.  

Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

I keep getting certain lessons over and over because I don’t listen to God.  I try to take the reigns and do it all myself and then I end up falling.  I have to conquer this lesson right here because I’m tiiiiied of it  so tired.


----------



## Maracujá

This is an excerpt from the Bollywood movie _Barsaat_ I believe:

P: How do you say 'divorce' in Hindi?
B: _'Talaak'_.
P: Wrong answer. '_Talaak_' is not Hindi, it is Urdu. It's a word the Pakistani borrowed from the Muslims. 
We do not have a word for 'divorce' in Hindi, because we do not believe in it. 

Did some more research on it and this is what I could find: https://www.quora.com/Is-there-a-word-for-divorce-in-Hindi-or-Sanskrit. Apparently they had to invent a word in 1955, because of what was happening in society. It did not exist prior to that time. Can't wait to do more research on it. I know it's not from Christian culture, but I just thought it would be interesting during this #lovemonth.


----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> This is an excerpt from the Bollywood movie _Barsaat_ I believe:
> 
> P: How do you say 'divorce' in Hindi?
> B: _'Talaak'_.
> P: Wrong answer. '_Talaak_' is not Hindi, it is Urdu. It's a word the Pakistani borrowed from the Muslims.
> We do not have a word for 'divorce' in Hindi, because we do not believe in it.
> 
> Did some more research on it and this is what I could find: https://www.quora.com/Is-there-a-word-for-divorce-in-Hindi-or-Sanskrit. Apparently they had to invent a word in 1955, because of what was happening in society. It did not exist prior to that time. Can't wait to do more research on it. I know it's not from Christian culture, but I just thought it would be interesting during this #lovemonth.


Check out the Old  and new Testament about “divorce” too


----------



## Maracujá

Ladies, would you trust your level of discernment, if you had to choose a spouse right at this moment?


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## mscurly

Maracujá said:


> ^^^Thank you so much for sharing @Lucia.
> 
> I've fallen prey to predatory men in the past, they were all non-believers. It's normal that I attracted them because I was lukewarm myself. They used me for physical actions, money and sharing parts of my mind that should only be available to my Isaac. *The tests become harder as we get older, but that's because God wants to see if we maintain that childlike faith and live up to the expectations He has placed on our love life. Let's continue to share some more tips*.






bellatiamarie said:


> Yes you’re right.... It’s a heart issue.  That’s the same thing the Holy Spirit revealed to me in prayer.
> 
> Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
> 
> *I keep getting certain lessons over and over because I don’t listen to God.  I try to take the reigns and do it all myself and then I end up falling.  I have to conquer this lesson right here because I’m tiiiiied of it  so tired*.



I feel the same way in the sense that I keep getting tempted by all these men especially at my job. I work with a large firm so it's a lot of people and "potential".

This last dude who I thought was cute and interested in getting to know him because we never really had long conversations but enough to peak my interest. So dude gives me his number and I'm low key excited because I thought there was potential. Then one of my coworkers tells me he has a fiance   Mind you he told me he was single!

Praise Jesus I didn't fall but it's annoying because I'm tired of dealing with these types of situations. I cried the other night not because of a guy but just being so irritated with meeting men who aren't it. All the while I'm still single. I been single for 4 years and for the most part I was happy in Christ just focused on Him. Now to be honest I'm tired of doing life alone. I want to get married. The older you get the harder it does get. It's really no joke. I'm in constant prayer for The Lord to keep me cause I don't know how much longer I can deal.


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## bellatiamarie

Maracujá said:


> Ladies, would you trust your level of discernment, if you had to choose a spouse right at this moment?



noooooope.


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## mscurly

Maracujá said:


> Ladies, would you trust your level of discernment, if you had to choose a spouse right at this moment?



Yes Holy Spirit always sends me a bunch of warnings if a man isn't it. Now whether or not I've always listened is another story.


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## Lucia

mscurly said:


> I feel the same way in the sense that I keep getting tempted by all these men especially at my job. I work with a large firm so it's a lot of people and "potential".
> 
> This last dude who I thought was cute and interested in getting to know him because we never really had long conversations but enough to peak my interest. So dude gives me his number and I'm low key excited because I thought there was potential. Then one of my coworkers tells me he has a fiance   *Mind you he told me he was single!*
> 
> Praise Jesus I didn't fall but it's annoying because I'm tired of dealing with these types of situations. I cried the other night not because of a guy but just being so irritated with meeting men who aren't it. All the while I'm still single. I been single for 4 years and for the most part I was happy in Christ just focused on Him. Now to be honest I'm tired of doing life alone. I want to get married. The older you get the harder it does get. It's really no joke. I'm in constant prayer for The Lord to keep me cause I don't know how much longer I can deal.



@bolded that’s just disgusting really IM disgusted for YOU  why is he even trying you when he’s getting married. What’s the point if marrying her then?

I’m finding that this is a  “strange” time where I feel I’m in a good peaceful place with God the enemy is just trying to bait me with all his old bag of tricks to see if I’ll fall for it again. But also God is showing me, you all of us out here single, virtuous for the long haul, that most of these married women and engaged women aren’t getting any prizes just cause they got to the altar before we did, they’re marrying Ishmaels left and right and frankly they can have them- all of them.

Look at your testimony this guy was attractive professional man seems to have his basics together career wise but interiorly a very carnal man with a lustful and polygamous/polyamourous, macho- man, David/Solomon spirit thats on him. He’s ENGAGED to be married to some woman who thinks he’s the next big thing since sliced bread. Just think about what she’s _really_ getting?

Don’t think that just cause he gets married somehow he’ll change and be a faithful husband he has to do the work make that change with Jesus.
Look in my case he’s already married and running around actively pursuing single women, does his wife know who’s in the bed with her every night?

Let’s break it down for both same list:

1. He’s a liar - this is a whopper lie.

2. He’s a cheater cause he should like er um kind of KNOW that he’s actually engaged to be married/married.

3. He obviously doesn’t take marriage seriously as a sacrament or a covenant with consequences attached not only physical, emotional but spiritual as well like he has to answer to God for all his back channeling extracurricular sex he’s pursuing and having.

4. He’s bringing/brought hella soul ties into the relationship that will only leave big gaping doorways for the enemy to step right in and reek havoc in their “married life”.

5. He has no moral authority at all anywhere, or anytime while he’s still beliveing that this is the way to live and living his beliefs basically. He has no authority at all not spiritually not physically or emotionally. Because if he’s living in big sin he’s not going to say a word about it or any other sins going on around him-right?   Also, his children if he has them will feel that emotionally and spiritually even if they don’t actually know or have proof of it. Somehow most times animals women (who listen to their God given instincts) and children can feel when someone isn’t genuine.

6. He likes to be trifling and in the middle of drama.

7. He could bring any VD to his unsuspecting fiancée/wife at anytime. Again because he’s a carnal man who can’t control his flesh.

8. Their “marriage “ home is built on a foundation of sand cause Gods not in it.

What we should be looking out for when a man presents himself.
A gentleman we personally find attractive (shouldn’t have to talk yourself into liking him, besides you’re covered God knows what you like ) who’s after Gods own heart, a man who has he qualities that will enable him to:
Lead,  cover, take care of and protect his family from everything spiritual, physical and emotional. Not one who will foolishly open the floodgates and invite he enemy to pull up a chair at the family table which is exactly what adultery is.

Just to dig a little deeper into this spiritually some of these side women are the very ones who are cursing his wife children and family that are  in the home either by voodoo, babalua, sanataria, macumba? (Brazilian voodoo) Freemason rituals and sorcery, Druid, Wiccan witchcraft, New Age, Eastern religious Hindu Buddhist, Taoist magic/sorcery. Why? Because they’re out to destroy the marriage and take the wife position by any means necessary. All of these so called religions claim to serve a god or many but they all share relative morality ie. amorality cause especially eastern/new age* you pray to yourself, by yourself and for yourself because you’re your own god or godesss and can do “whatever thou whilt” as long as you get yours.

Like for example:  true story a man starts an affair at work no one in the home knows but  the around same time is his son starts craving porn and self gratifying at 8 yrs old who’s had nothing like that happen before. Worse he’s given them the key to the home and left all the windows and doors wide open by engaging in this kind of extramarital activities.

For me This also goes for men with live in girlfriends aka in house cookies, and or baby mamas cause these women are _deceived_ most times and pretty much believe he’s proposing (whether or not he actually will???) or has proposed and they’ll be getting married soon  it’s all messy and full of drama and confusion bottom line he’s not from God and that’s  all I need to know and I’m done.
I went long winded but I’m so sick of this you’re an attractive professional Christian woman who deserves better and better will come. Please don’t give up the enemy knows when God is moving things in the spirit realm on our behalves.

Remember the counterfeit Ishmael comes before the promised one Issaac. Ruth had to go through conversion, death of a husband, move to a new country before she met Boaz. Sarah lost 7 husbands before Tobit and the angel Rafael in disguise brought her out of oppression. I’m not saying you need to go through all that but start saying warfare prayers for your prolonged singleness to end in a Godly fruitful prosperous marriage and start warfare praying blessing praying etc... for your God appointed husband.
And when a good potential suitor shows up get private confirmation from God and the HS best not to tell anyone or even write that detailed confirmation down or say it out loud so you know he’s from God and not the enemy.

*May God bless you and keep you and may God shine his face upon you. Amen!*


_*Eastern/New Age Movement (NAM) are basically the same New Age is really old age Hinduism Buddhism Pantheism Paganism Eastern religions repackeged with Christian terms to be western world friendly and a lot of us are drinking that kool aid. That you can be a god line is as old as Genesis Chapter 3. Now Thanks to Oprah and many others (like the local yoga instructor at the Y)  who’s doing a dangerous fusion of Christianity and New Age creating her own personal designer religion. She’s straying and taking millions with her. _


----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> Ladies, would you trust your level of discernment, if you had to choose a spouse right at this moment?



Yes with Gods help. Just me? No


----------



## mscurly

Lucia said:


> @bolded that’s just disgusting really IM disgusted for YOU  *why is he even trying you when he’s getting married. What’s the point if marrying her then?*
> 
> I’m finding that this is a  “strange” time where I feel I’m in a good peaceful place with God the enemy is just trying to bait me with all his old bag of tricks to see if I’ll fall for it again. But also God is showing me, you all of us out here single, virtuous for the long haul, that most of *these married women and engaged women aren’t getting any prizes just cause they got to the altar before we did*, they’re marrying Ishmaels left and right and frankly they can have them- all of them.
> 
> Look at your testimony this guy was attractive professional man seems to have his basics together career wise but interiorly a very carnal man with a lustful and polygamous/polyamourous, macho- man, David/Solomon spirit thats on him. *He’s ENGAGED to be married to some woman who thinks he’s the next big thing since sliced bread. Just think about what she’s really getting?*
> 
> *Don’t think that just cause he gets married somehow he’ll change and be a faithful husband he has to do the work make that change with Jesus.*
> Look in my case he’s already married and running around actively pursuing single women, does his wife know who’s in the bed with her every night?



Yes! At the bold points and everything you mentioned.

When I heard he was engaged I truly felt sorry for this woman. I'm sure she's sitting back happily thinking she's about to get married to this "great guy" and he's at work flirting with other women smh.

The even sadder part of it is, I know I'm not the first or the last. I won't ever understand why men try and start new relationships or "situationships" while they are currently with someone. It's purely selfish because they could care less who they hurt in the process. Why are you still with that person if you're so unhappy??? Stay single if you want to date around. People like to have their cake and eat it too. 

I'm so over men like this. I'm trying not to get the point where I feel like all men are like that. I know there has to be some good ones out there but it seems like they're far and few.


----------



## Lucia

Ladies don’t fall for this (^^*Warning profanity )


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Maracujá

"Flesh produces flesh. Spirit produces spirit." I keep running into this quote in different places and ways. Was just thinking about the Tisha Campbell and Duane Martin divorce and it made me think of something my pastor said: the enemy doesn't mind giving you 20 or 40 years of marriage, what he will not give you, is an eternity of marriage.


----------



## bellatiamarie

Holy Spirit just placed on my heart that during this waiting period as singles we should be seeking, serving, and submitting to Him.  

I’ve been waiting but quite frankly that is all I’ve been doing.


----------



## mscurly

bellatiamarie said:


> Holy Spirit just placed on my heart that during this waiting period as singles we should be seeking, serving, and submitting to Him.
> 
> I’ve been waiting but quite frankly that is all I’ve been doing.



True and I'm doing that and have been for a while now. I serve in my church and other ministries and continue to seek Him. I honestly think for me its His timing. I can't force it.


----------



## Maracujá

@Belle Du Jour Could you please repost here the blog of the Catholic lady who made a list of things that are disrespectful to men? TIA.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Maracujá said:


> @Belle Du Jour Could you please repost here the blog of the Catholic lady who made a list of things that are disrespectful to men? TIA.



http://peacefulsinglegirl.com/what-speaks-disrespect-to-guys/


----------



## Maracujá

How's everyone doing? Lately I've been finding solace in the thought that, in 7 years I'll be old enough to date a man in his early 50s. Hoping I'm one of those women who finds love later on in life. 

Was at my niece's birthday this weekend and my family members started talking about relationships and mentioning everyone that's booed up. Made me understand why the Bible often refers to infertile women as 'deserted'.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> How's everyone doing? Lately I've been finding solace in the thought that, in 7 years I'll be old enough to date a man in his early 50s. Hoping I'm one of those women who finds love later on in life.
> 
> Was at my niece's birthday this weekend and my family members started talking about relationships and mentioning everyone that's booed up. Made me understand why the Bible often refers to infertile women as 'deserted'.



You don’t want a “boo” every other guy off the street can be a boo don’t let all that talk get to you focus on you and Jesus, get out and do things you’re passionate about new things you’d like to try, you’ll meet new people and widen your acquaintance circle,  you want  a godly husband believe that Gods promises always come happen.


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## TwoSnapsUp

From the outside, people think I live a fulfilling life. What they don’t know is that these are all desperate attempts to get rid of this constant feeling of emptiness.


----------



## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> You don’t want a “boo” every other guy off the street can be a boo don’t let all that talk get to you *focus on you and Jesus, get out and do things you’re passionate about new things you’d like to try, you’ll meet new people and widen your acquaintance circle,*  you want  a godly husband believe that Gods promises always come happen.



Thanks for the reminder! There's a Singles' Retreat I'll be attending in about a week, after that I'll be going to the capital city, to an exhibit on Still Life art. Even married folks in the church are encouraging me to go out and L-I-V-E! 




TwoSnapsUp said:


> From the outside, people think I live a fulfilling life. What they don’t know is that these are all desperate attempts to get rid of this *constant feeling of emptiness.*



Very sorry to read this. Don't know what your particular situation is, but when I feel like that, it's usually because I'm trying to live up to someone else's idea/expectation of what it means to be 'fulfilled'. When I define it for myself and live it out, I feel much better in my own skin.

This may mean doing things by yourself sometimes, but like Lucia mentioned: you'll meet people of your ilk. Kinda like how we stumbled on this here forum, it's truly an oasis in the middle of a desert. If you're on social media a lot, take a break from it. And start dreaming again, like when we were little and looked at magazines and would just mentally buy everything lmbo. Another thing I do is just be appreciative of what I already have and how much I've accomplished so far. It's no easy feat, but He's here to guide us through the journey.


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## Maracujá

Blackandmarriedwithkids.com is hosting an online marriage summit, for the first time ever. In 2015 I partook in their Singles Academy course and it was great. Still rewatch it from time to time, we even had exercises to do, which really helped me. Here's the link to the summit: 

https://www.bmwkmarriagesummit.com/...b11d03ea2fa9cf7155b003c95e36e02bd4c9bdf4e6772


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## mscurly

Maracujá said:


> Thanks for the reminder! There's a Singles' Retreat I'll be attending in about a week



Is this a retreat your church is hosting or something else?

I ask because I'm looking for Christian retreats to attend


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## Maracujá

mscurly said:


> Is this a retreat your church is hosting or something else?
> 
> I ask because I'm looking for Christian retreats to attend



Yes, a sister church in Wallonia + another church. It’s the second year they’re hosting, but it will be my first time attending it.


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## Maracujá

mscurly said:


> Is this a retreat your church is hosting or something else?
> 
> I ask because I'm looking for Christian retreats to attend



@mscurly this is also a great resource: http://www.thesinglesnetwork.org


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## mscurly

Maracujá said:


> @mscurly this is also a great resource: http://www.thesinglesnetwork.org



Thanks I'll check it out. 

Just looking for new sources of connecting with other like minded people.


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## Lucia

mscurly said:


> Yes! At the bold points and everything you mentioned.
> 
> When I heard he was engaged I truly felt sorry for this woman. I'm sure she's sitting back happily thinking she's about to get married to this "great guy" and he's at work flirting with other women smh.
> 
> The even sadder part of it is, I know I'm not the first or the last. I won't ever understand why men try and start new relationships or "situationships" while they are currently with someone. It's purely selfish because they could care less who they hurt in the process. Why are you still with that person if you're so unhappy??? Stay single if you want to date around. People like to have their cake and eat it too.
> 
> I'm so over men like this. I'm trying not to get the point where I feel like all men are like that. I know there has to be some good ones out there but it seems like they're far and few.



Another thing to do is to review yourself especially your childhood and teens see if you may be repeating an unhealthy patten or have some negative recording playing in your head that you subconsciously believe that is attracting these unavailable men. You’ll have to pay close attention to your thoughts and what you say. Like how some people make a little mistake like wrong spelling and then out loud call themselves stupid, that’s a negative track already playing in their head and they are cursing themselves with it lol the time and it came from someone or something.
Here’s some more: I’m not good enough I’m not worthy I’m just this or that a handsome Godly Christian man who will be a good provider husband won’t want me once he gets to know the real me, etc... really anything that’s playing in your head doesn’t mater where it came from the fact that it stuck in your head is all you need to know for now. You can get to the root later sometimes you may never remember it or know how it got stuck in your head so ask the HS to help you by revealing the truth so you can uproot the cause.  you have to disagree with it and cast it down in Jesus name.
HTH


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## Lucia

I know this or an similar article was posted already upthread I thought it’s a good blog article and needs reposting.

http://www.tanikafitzgerald.com/dont-be-deceived-by-ishmael-wait-for-your-isaac/


*Don’t be Deceived by Ishmael…Wait for Your Isaac!*
March 21, 2016 • 3 Comments
*






“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” *(Galatians 6:9)

If there’s one thing I know about, it’s waiting. The irony is that I am impatient in many ways which probably explains why I often find myself in a waiting season. When I was in my twenties, I was ready to get married (at least I thought so), but it seemed as if it was happening for everyone around me, except me! It would be years before God made the presentation of my husband. It seemed like it took FOREVER, but now that I am married, I see that God’s timing was perfect as always. I shared my testimony of letting go and waiting on God in an article I penned for Hope for Women Magazine and our testimony of walking in purity was shared as well. Since I have gotten married, hundreds of women have reached out to me asking the questions that I once asked: “How did you know Maurice was the one & what did you do while waiting?” When I answer these questions for women, the story of Abraham, Isaac and Ishmael comes to mind. What happens when we take matters into our own hands? We end up with a counterfeit version of the promises of God. Let’s dive in a bit deeper into the biblical account of this family.

God made a promise to Abraham, the father of faith.  God promised him that he would make him the father of a great nation and that through him all the nations of the earth would be blessed (Genesis 12:1-3).  In order for this promise to be fulfilled, God had to bless Abraham with a son.  Abraham was old in age and Sarah, his wife, was barren. In fact, she laughed when told that she would one day bear a son. They knew that God could do it, but they could not fathom it according to their natural circumstances.  God worked according to His time in fulfilling the promise He made to His children. Abraham and Sarah began to grow impatient waiting for their manifestation.  Abraham reminded God that he was getting old and that his only possible heir would be his servant Eliezer.  He thought that maybe God would allow him to make Eliezer the heir since his promised son had not yet come to pass. Doubt and fear started to come into play. Does that sound familiar to you?  Maybe Abraham felt that God has forgot about him.  But God reassured him that His covenant would be fulfilled. his descendants would be so many that he could never count them! God hasn’t forgotten about you either. He hears the cries of your heart.

*“Then the word of the LORD came to him: “This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir.” He took him outside and said, “Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”* (Genesis 15:4-5)

Sarah (then Sarai) grew tired and frustrated when God’s promise had not come to pass after a long wait.  She told Abraham to go and get Hagar (the maidservant) and bear a child with her.  Abraham in his weariness agreed.  Their action showed a lack of faith that God would fulfill His promise.  Ishmael was born but he was not the promised son from God!

Both Abraham & Sarah acted outside of God’s will. A lack of faith creates a series of problems.  This happens when we take matters into our own hands instead of waiting on God to do it.  We attempt to make his promises come to pass through efforts that are not in line with His specific directions nor His Word.  Time may be the greatest test of our willingness to let God work in our lives.  Sometimes we must simply wait.  When we want something so bad we can become blind and make a trick from Satan (Ishmael) seem like a blessing from God.  We can want something (or someone) to be what we have been praying for so bad that we ignore The Holy Spirit whispering “That isn’t God’s promise for you”.  We often miss the red flags. Remember that whenever you are outside the will of God, you are also missing out on the best that God has for you!

What are you believing God for? Does it seem like it is taking FOREVER to come to pass? Are others around you being blessed and you feel like God has forgotten about you? He hasn’t! Do you feel like some prayers work fast and others take too long? Are you growing weary and ready to take matters into your own hands? I caution you to build up your faith and remain in your season of waiting until God is ready to bring you out of it.  When you move out of season, the season will only last longer.  Don’t delay your blessings any longer.  Let God bring upon the manifestation of His promises in His timing.  You may not be ready yet.  He may be molding you with the ability to handle the blessing.  Your blessing may not be at its best or ready for God to present it to you.  In this season, give God your best so that He will return His best to you.  While you are waiting, develop and deepen your relationship with God. God will never bring someone into your life that has the potential to become an idol in your life. When we become so focused on wanting something in our natural lives, it is easy for us to decrease our focus on our spiritual relationship. God knows what you need and when you need it. Make Him your number one priority! We should be so into God that he has to interrupt us serving Him just to bless us!

We all make mistakes but *“we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” *(Romans 8:28)

*Don’t want something so bad that you move outside of God’s will. Beware! Satan will send you an Ishmael! Be patient & wait for the Isaac that God promised you! *

It will be so much greater than anything that you can go and get on your own.  The next time you receive what or who you think is a blessing, take it to God and ask “Lord, did You send Him?”  I can tell you from my own experiences that He will show you and it will happen fast! When /if you get the answer that the “blessing” is not from Him, RUN RUN RUN or you will delay the manifestation of His promise.  God can’t bring you an Isaac when you have an Ishmael in its place!

Until Next Time,


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## Lucia




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## Lucia

mscurly said:


> Yes Holy Spirit always sends me a bunch of warnings if a man isn't it. Now whether or not I've always listened is another story.



That’s a great point did you pray for dicernment or clarity or confirmation of you should date a guy or not? TIA


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## Lucia

Warning some off color language he come at no ore marital sex from a logical angle


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## Maracujá

What's been on my mind lately: will be turning 33 in about 10 days and am very reflective of course. It's a very special age to me, because it's the age at which Jesus died...to His ego. Also very reflective about having been single for so long, over a decade now. Never planned it of course, but I'm doing alright, go figure. 

Life is so funny: when I was in a romantic relationship, which is supposed to be the epitome of happiness according to the world. I was totally miserable. Was being verbally and physically abused. And it was almost as if the whole universe was out of balance to put it this way. Random people would just try to challenge the man I was with physically, to fight with him. Even he mentioned to me that that had never happened to him before. Nice evenings out at the movies or restaurant, which were supposed to be pleasant, would turn out in fights. So I had everything the world says gives you peace...but I had no peace. 

Fast forward now and...I have no financial security, no physical security as I live by myself, no car to get around or any of today's real markers of true success...but I have peace. Because it's God's will for my life right now, to be single. Random men stop me and compliment me, even people at my church and work do the same. Whereas when I was in a relationship, I was being put down on a daily basis. Now I understand why Jesus was able to calm down the storm while in the boat with the Apostles. There was mayhem all around them, but because He was there...all was right with the world.


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## Lucia




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## mscurly

Lucia said:


> Another thing to do is to review yourself especially your childhood and teens see if you may be repeating an unhealthy patten or have some negative recording playing in your head that you subconsciously believe that is attracting these unavailable men. You’ll have to pay close attention to your thoughts and what you say. Like how some people make a little mistake like wrong spelling and then out loud call themselves stupid, that’s a negative track already playing in their head and they are cursing themselves with it lol the time and it came from someone or something.
> Here’s some more: I’m not good enough I’m not worthy I’m just this or that a handsome Godly Christian man who will be a good provider husband won’t want me once he gets to know the real me, etc... really anything that’s playing in your head doesn’t mater where it came from the fact that it stuck in your head is all you need to know for now. You can get to the root later sometimes you may never remember it or know how it got stuck in your head so ask the HS to help you by revealing the truth so you can uproot the cause.  you have to disagree with it and
> cast it down in Jesus name.
> HTH





Lucia said:


> That’s a great point did you pray for dicernment or clarity or confirmation of you should date a guy or not? TIA



Amen thank you Jesus! Yes I have prayed about that and you made some good valid points about attracting unavailable men because this had been a repeated pattern in my life. 

One thing HS keeps saying to me is just to listen to the voice of God and be obedient. God has always sent me warning signs or let me know that a man wasn't it for me. Unfortunately I have not always listened and I know thats been to my downfall. Now I'm praying harder than ever for God to help me in the spirit of obedience and listening when he says no. 

It was also a lack of trust that God would actually come through for me and give me a husband that is faithful to me. I'm constantly working on my faith because I recognize its hard for me to believe certain things. I know its fear and not something God gave me. I'm a work in progress because like you said these negative thoughts came from somewhere. I honestly don't even know. But I rebuke it in Jesus name. For I will receive all the blessing The Lord has for me including a husband! 

I will know when a man is the one God has for me because HS will tell. He always has. I just need to listen.


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## Lucia

mscurly said:


> Amen thank you Jesus! Yes I have prayed about that and you made some good valid points about attracting unavailable men because this had been a repeated pattern in my life.
> 
> One thing HS keeps saying to me is just to listen to the voice of God and be obedient. God has always sent me warning signs or let me know that a man wasn't it for me. Unfortunately I have not always listened and I know thats been to my downfall. Now I'm praying harder than ever for God to help me in the spirit of obedience and listening when he says no.
> 
> It was also a lack of trust that God would actually come through for me and give me a husband that is faithful to me. I'm constantly working on my faith because I recognize its hard for me to believe certain things. I know its fear and not something God gave me. I'm a work in progress because like you said these negative thoughts came from somewhere. I honestly don't even know. But I rebuke it in Jesus name. For I will receive all the blessing The Lord has for me including a husband!
> 
> I will know when a man is the one God has for me because HS will tell. He always has. I just need to listen.



Amen !


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## Lucia

Thank God for closed doors 


Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


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## Lucia




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## Maracujá

*deleted*


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## Lucia




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## Belle Du Jour

Lucia said:


>


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


>


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## Maracujá

*deleted*


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## Lucia




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## Lucia




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## Maracujá

Really liked these series, it sounded so in tune with what I believe about God, Scripture, womanhood and romantic relationships. But of course,  as with everything, use discernment.


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## Lucia

Sometimes there’s a spiritual reason for prolonged singleness
The Mystery behind generational curses series
Generational spirits series


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## Lucia

Just need to vent: I’m so sick of unavailable men being interested and as soon as they’re free they’re not interested anymore or they don’t see me at all like I’m not on their radar for single datable or marriageable women. Like let’s say “Sharon” is divorced or Suzy has an OOW kid but their getting approached and getting dates. And literally I went to a prof networking event and a nice looking young man literally walked over me to go run after some other woman.
Look this isn’t jealousy I’ve checked that at the door it’s just brutally honest observations I’ve been doing because I’ve been working on myself in all areas and checking myself too and it’s not easy.
These video series have helped me understand it’s not physical or this world there’s more to this battle. I mean I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing and more then what’s really blocking me from producing good fruit heck any fruit in this are of my life, that’s the question that the HS is giving me answers to.


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## Lucia

Books from video and books I suggest.
Be free from Marine spouses - Zita Grant
short easy  quick read gives explanations in basic stuff

Deliverance from covenants Rev James Solomon


Overthrowing Evil Altars -Uzu Ndekwu


Prayers that rout Demons- John Ekhart

Deliverance Prayers


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> Just need to vent: I’m so sick of unavailable men being interested and as soon as they’re free they’re not interested anymore. *The video series app I’ve helped me understand it’s not physical or this world there’s more to this battle.* I mean kid I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing and more then what’s really blocking me from producing good fruit heck any fruit in this are of my life, that’s the question that the HD is giving me answers to.



Basically, had similar thoughts recently. It's in the Bible by the way and my pastor often speaks about this: we wrestle not in the flesh. And also: not by might, not by our own power, but by His spirit. 

I'm struggling to give this area to God, but it's not simple. Trying to really come to terms with the fact that, it may never happen for me, no matter how much it hurts. The other day I was thinking about how every.single.dude I've dated or shown interest in...simply rejects me, sometimes in a very verbally abusive manner too. It made me so sad. My female cousins and sisters are going through the same thing: no man and if they have a man...it's loveless and lifeless. 

Started reading about fatherless daughters and this goes really deep. This is why we call God 'Father'...so many ladies are struggling in this area. So many fatherless daughters, absent fathers.


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> Basically, had similar thoughts recently. It's in the Bible by the way and my pastor often speaks about this: we wrestle not in the flesh. And also: not by might, not by our own power, but by His spirit.
> 
> I'm struggling to give this area to God, but it's not simple. Trying to really come to terms with the fact that, it may never happen for me, no matter how much it hurts. The other day I was thinking about how every.single.dude I've dated or shown interest in...simply rejects me, sometimes in a very verbally abusive manner too. It made me so sad. My female cousins and sisters are going through the same thing: no man and if they have a man...it's loveless and lifeless.
> 
> Started reading about fatherless daughters and this goes really deep. This is why we call God 'Father'...so many ladies are struggling in this area. So many fatherless daughters, absent fathers.



I understand and that’s the spirit of rejection it’s not always our fault why these spirits follow us or influence us we need to learn “my people perish from a lack of knowledge” Hosea 4:6 but don’t give up don’t just lay down and let the enemy win. He’s stealing your joy your happiness your life out from under you. I bind my faith with yours and every praying Christian in the world to Stop those thoughts of it might never happen I arrest those defeated thoughts in Jesus name. Please read the post I added more and look at these men’s videos with a notepad and pen and go to work. If you want the beautiful life God had intended for you you have to get up and FIGHT! For it!  FIGHT! For your joyous life FIGHT for what is rightfully yours and that the enemy has so cruelly and ruthlessly  kept from you.
This is a fallen world which means that what is supposed to be ours sometimes most times will not just fall out of the sky. In Jesus name I rebuke all those spirits in and around you that are making you give up and surrender your crown. We Put in the whole armor of God and bind those spirits and call in the Lords s mighty angles to put on their full armor of God and to chain those evil spirits to the foot of he cross so they never return be gone be gone be gone forever! Amen Amen and Amen! We ask God to send down your blessings send the HS to give you ears to hear and eyes to see and a heart to receive and knowledge from the Holy Spirit to guide you in this battle and on your journey. Amen!

Remember how the demon prince of Persia blocked Daniels answers when he prayed and fasted? well it’s the same story that keeps on repeating with all of us. These demons only leave from prayer and fasting. So honey get your videos books and start becoming a prayer warrior. Also check out my book list link in my siggy. I will update this week. God Bless you and keep,you and may His face shine upon you, Amen!


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> I understand and that’s the spirit of rejection it’s not always our fault why these spirits follow us or influence us we need to learn “my people perish from a lack of knowledge” Hosea 4:6 but don’t give up don’t just lay down and let the enemy win. He’s stealing your joy your happiness your life out from under you. I bind my faith with yours and every praying Christian in the world to Stop those thoughts of it might never happen I arrest those defeated thoughts in Jesus name. Please read the post I added more and look at these men’s videos with a notepad and pen and go to work. *If you want the beautiful life God had intended for you you have to get up and FIGHT! For it!  FIGHT! For your joyous life FIGHT for what is rightfully yours and that the enemy has so cruelly and ruthlessly  kept from you.
> This is a fallen world which means that what is supposed to be ours sometimes most times will not just fall out of the sky.* In Jesus name I rebuke all those spirits in and around you that are making you give up and surrender your crown. We Put in the whole armor of God and bind those spirits and call in the Lords s mighty angles to put on their full armor of God and to chain those evil spirits to the foot of he cross so they never return be gone be gone be gone forever! Amen Amen and Amen! We ask God to send down your blessings send the HS to give you ears to hear and eyes to see and a heart to receive and knowledge from the Holy Spirit to guide you in this battle and on your journey. Amen!
> 
> Remember how the demon prince of Persia blocked Daniels answers when he prayed and fasted? well it’s the same story that keeps on repeating with all of us. These demons only leave from prayer and fasting. So honey get your videos books and start becoming a prayer warrior. Also check out my book list link in my siggy. I will update this week. God Bless you and keep,you and may His face shine upon you, Amen!



watch (at the 32:00 mark)


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## Sarabellam

Lucia said:


> Just need to vent: I’m so sick of unavailable men being interested and as soon as they’re free they’re not interested anymore or they don’t see me at all like I’m not on their radar for single datable or marriageable women. Like let’s say “Sharon” is divorced or Suzy has an OOW kid but their getting approached and getting dates. And literally I went to a prof networking event and a nice looking young man literally walked over me to go run after some other woman.
> Look this isn’t jealousy I’ve checked that at the door it’s just brutally honest observations I’ve been doing because I’ve been working on myself in all areas and checking myself too and it’s not easy.
> These video series have helped me understand it’s not physical or this world there’s more to this battle. I mean I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing and more then what’s really blocking me from producing good fruit heck any fruit in this are of my life, that’s the question that the HS is giving me answers to.



I’m not sure if I’m allowed to be apart of this discussion. I just talked to my single Christian friend about some topics in dating  and I wanted to see if you all were talking about similar topics. But when I read your post I felt urged to say something.

1. Men are often more likely to shoot a long shot when there are no chips on the table. They got a women so if you don’t reciprocate there is no loss. When they aren’t in a relationship their pride is more involved and they look for options with higher odds.

2. Your future husband should be like “woah!” when he gets a good look at you. Anything less and it’s a sign for both of you that the guy should keep on walking anyway.

3. It sounds like you’ve worked on releasing yourself from many of the mental traps this world has set for us. If you focusing on being “a good woman” with a strong relationship with Him and keep being social then a good man who is for you will see you.


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## Belle Du Jour

I took a break from this thread because I was feeling discouraged and wondering why myself and other beautiful Christian sisters who have it together have so much difficulty in this area.  I embarked on a journey of doing a lot of work on myself and that has been going well and it still continues.  But reading your posts @Lucia and @Maracujá have reminded me that there's another issue at play: a spiritual one.  Just a few weeks ago I worked on the feeling of rejection that has plagued me for a while but I didn't think about it being a "spirit" until I came here this morning.  I had stopped praying about this area because I felt it was driving a wedge between me and God (ie I'm asking but He's not answering).  I think now I understand it's a combination of both action in the natural (becoming my best self) and action in the spiritual (prayer/fasting/etc).  Because of feeling discouraged, I stopped much of the spiritual part of this journey.  Now I see I need to combine both.  Don't give up ladies.  I'm in a much better place this year.  I am content where I am but I am excited for what is to come.


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## Lucia

Sarabellam said:


> I’m not sure if I’m allowed to be apart of this discussion. I just talked to my single Christian friend about some topics in dating  and I wanted to see if you all were talking about similar topics. But when I read your post I felt urged to say something.
> 
> 1. Men are often more likely to shoot a long shot when there are no chips on the table. They got a women so if you don’t reciprocate there is no loss. When they aren’t in a relationship their pride is more involved and they look for options with higher odds.
> 
> 2. Your future husband should be like “woah!” when he gets a good look at you. Anything less and it’s a sign for both of you that the guy should keep on walking anyway.
> 
> 3. It sounds like you’ve worked on releasing yourself from many of the mental traps this world has set for us. If you focusing on being “a good woman” with a strong relationship with Him and keep being social then a good man who is for you will see you.



Of course you can post here thanks for the POV sometimes when you’re gong through things you tend to think it’s only me, but it’s not. Point number 2 is a golden nugget now in 20/20 hindsight I can see that I’ve dodged a couple of bullets on the past.


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## Lucia

Lucia said:


> Books from video and books I suggest.
> Be free from Marine spouses - Zita Grant
> short easy  quick read gives explanations in basic stuff
> 
> Deliverance from covenants Rev James Solomon
> 
> 
> Overthrowing Evil Altars -Uzu Ndekwu
> 
> 
> Prayers that rout Demons- John Ekhart
> 
> Deliverance Prayers


Im done with 4 of these books currently reading the Deliverance from evil covenants book these books are a goldmine a wealth of spiritual knowledge and effective prayers. Ladies don’t sleep in these resources.


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## Maracujá

​


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## Lucia




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## Maracujá




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## Maracujá

Never get tired of this video!​


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## blessedandfavoured

Maracujá said:


> Never get tired of this video!​



When she says that people are too selfish these days - no lies detected. 
Here's a series called Living Love.  I hope it helps someone (click message info, then listen now - a friend of mine got lost on this site):
https://www.tellingthetruth.org/lis...love&sid=3bd71d30-a10b-4587-87cd-5a97a90d2b6b

God bless.


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## Lucia




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## Maracujá

^^^^
Some of the points that stood out to me:

* We are not capable of choosing our own mates, God is much better at that. Our carnal desires and deep seated pathologies can only disappoint us. 

* Established routines are important in a relationship

* Living costs money  lots of it...

* The man should meet the woman at her level (unsure how I feel about this one)...


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## Belle Du Jour

@Lucia have you heard of this book?  I purchased it:


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## Belle Du Jour

I was inspired by @Lucia ’s post on deliverance and warfare prayers. This popped up in my YouTube feed so I thought I’d share it here:


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## Lucia

Belle Du Jour said:


> @Lucia have you heard of this book?  I purchased it:


No I
Haven’t going to look it up though thanks


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## Lucia

Lucia said:


> Books from video and books I suggest.
> Be free from Marine spouses - Zita Grant
> short easy  quick read gives explanations in basic stuff
> 
> Deliverance from covenants Rev James Solomon
> 
> 
> Overthrowing Evil Altars -Uzu Ndekwu
> 
> 
> 
> Deliverance Prayers



Adding
 Pigs in the Parlor by Frank Hammond

Pigs in the Parlor: A Practical Guide to Deliverance 
@Belle Du Jour


I don’t  know if you’ve checked these books out or not but after the initial videos these books have helped tremendously along with prayer, adoration weekly and the sacraments.  I have literally and spiritually seen the difference in my life in ALL areas. Don’t sleep on these. These books are also available on kindle kindle app.


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## Maracujá

Glad this thread is coming to life


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## blessedandfavoured

Galatians 6:7-9  (KJV)
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

----
Isaiah 40:27-31 (KJV)
27 Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the Lord, and my judgment is passed over from my God?
28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

----
Hebrews 12:1-2 (KJV)
12 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

----
John 3:30 (KJV)
30 He must increase, but I must decrease.

----

Keep praying.
Keep fasting.
Keep reading your Bible daily.
Keep obeying the word of the Lord.
Keep listening to sound, Biblical teachings.
Keep drawing closer to Christ in every area of life.
Keep putting Him first.
Keep honouring God with your whole self.
Keep pouring out your heart to Him and letting Him fill it with Himself.
Keep letting Him purge you.
Keep avoiding what is evil and doing what is good.
When you get tired, keep going to Him for more strength.
Let Christ live through you.

Ignore those who come to you with ungodly 'advice'.  Even if it looks like it works for them, everyone will reap what they sow, whether they sow to the flesh or to the Spirit.  We may not see the fruit now, but it will come, and for some people, the fruit will come when it's too late for them to change the seed.

Never mind that everyone else is getting promoted at work, never mind that others are dating 3 men at a time and you're still single (you want quality, not quantity), never mind that your lousy ex is engaged.  Look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith.  Let him be your all in all. 

I hope this encourages someone.  God help and bless us all.


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## Lucia

blessedandfavoured said:


> Galatians 6:7-9  (KJV)
> 7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
> 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
> 9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
> 
> ----
> Isaiah 40:27-31 (KJV)
> 27 Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the Lord, and my judgment is passed over from my God?
> 28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
> 29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
> 30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
> 31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
> 
> ----
> Hebrews 12:1-2 (KJV)
> 12 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
> 
> 2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
> 
> ----
> John 3:30 (KJV)
> 30 He must increase, but I must decrease.
> 
> ----
> 
> Keep praying.
> Keep fasting.
> Keep reading your Bible daily.
> Keep obeying the word of the Lord.
> Keep listening to sound, Biblical teachings.
> Keep drawing closer to Christ in every area of life.
> Keep putting Him first.
> Keep honouring God with your whole self.
> Keep pouring out your heart to Him and letting Him fill it with Himself.
> Keep letting Him purge you.
> Keep avoiding what is evil and doing what is good.
> When you get tired, keep going to Him for more strength.
> Let Christ live through you.
> 
> *Ignore those who come to you with ungodly 'advice'.  Even if it looks like it works for them, everyone will reap what they sow, whether they sow to the flesh or to the Spirit.  We may not see the fruit now, but it will come, and for some people, the fruit will come when it's too late for them to change the seed.
> 
> Never mind that everyone else is getting promoted at work, never mind that others are dating 3 men at a time and you're still single (you want quality, not quantity), never mind that your lousy ex is engaged.  Look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith.  Let him be your all in all.
> 
> I hope this encourages someone.  God help and bless us all.*



Yes this Amen, speak truth. I’ve gotten a lot of unsolicited advice on how I should do things from people who are chasing shakin and waiting on or got the ring, the wedding the house  but I know God has a plan.


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## Maracujá

Ladies, be vigilant: with algorithms & cookies nowadays, the enemy can fabricate love interests, who are simply not the one. They come in the form of friendship requests on social media, stay prayed up!


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## Maracujá

​


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## Maracujá

https://www.gracewithhumility.com/b...-all-the-wrong-places-3-simple-tips-that-work


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## Belle Du Jour

Although this isn't specific to Christian women, I do think many Christian women fall into the chronically single trap.  I am posting this with love because I don't believe God desires his daughters to languish away in singledom: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/chronically-single/id1372248881?i=1000429917688


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## blessedandfavoured

Maracujá said:


> https://www.gracewithhumility.com/b...-all-the-wrong-places-3-simple-tips-that-work



Thanks @Maracujá, that was a good read.  These definitely stood out for me:
"*Finding God's Perfect Love*
There is no other love than the love of God, the Almighty. *He is the epitome of the definition of love*. You see, our Heavenly Father loved us so much that He came down in human flesh to bring us the precious and holy gift of salvation through His only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. *Who can love us more than He who has created us*?"

"You see, you will never find perfect love in people (they will always fall short in meeting the standard) or in material possessions (they can't love you back). But you will find it in *knowing God.*
Implementing these simple tips in your everyday life will shift your focus from _*carnality*_ and *towards God*. He is the ultimate answer to all of life's problems, big and small. So, when you are tempted to search for love, just look above."

Carnality is ruling the world and Christians are getting caught up in and distracted by it.  I pray that God redirects us to his perfect and unfailing love, and gives us the grace to receive it from Him, amen.  

Thanks again for posting!  God bless.


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## blessedandfavoured

Happy birthday @Maracujá!  May God bless you.  I hope you have (had) a wonderful day!


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## Maracujá

​


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## ckisland

I think that I just need ladies to pray for me.

I've been sitting over here on the other side of God's fence purposefully for about 7 months now, and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sitting in the world of carnality, and honestly, there's nothing here. I thought that I would have so much freedom to be a full blown heathen, and guess what? I've had some "fun" and it's just been so mediocre. I am this C.S. Lewis quote,

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”


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## Maracujá

ckisland said:


> I think that I just need ladies to pray for me.
> 
> I've been sitting over here on the other side of God's fence purposefully for about 7 months now, and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sitting in the world of carnality, and honestly, there's nothing here. I thought that I would have so much freedom to be a full blown heathen, and guess what? I've had some "fun" and it's just been so mediocre. I am this C.S. Lewis quote,
> 
> "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”



I get you and with social media nowadays, I'm finally starting to realize certain things about our lives as women. Will try to explain this to the best of my ability, please bare with me: what the enemy hates is continuity. I notice it now with social media, a lot of people are stunned that there are no lapses in my lifetime to put it that way. It's a continuum sorta say. I can give an account for what I did for each year of my life, even the months sometimes. People don't always say it out loud, but if baffles them. 

I have family members who are currently living this lifestyle you mentioned above and it's like literally, there's no rest. I have two sisters who in the past ten years, have moved around for a combined total of 11 times. Me? Same home for the past 10 years. A Nigerian pastor who came to our church said that Jesus died so we could have eternal felicity. @Theo who was an active member here once said that she could have done without all of the relationships she had ever been in. I used to think my life was boring, but looking back and seeing how people react to my accomplishments? It was all worth it. In fact, my life only started getting messed up, when I took matters into my own hands and tried to manufacture a relationship. It left me completely broken and I'm still mending my heart. Luckily, God is good. 

My advice to you would just be: don't ignore LHCF, it may seem like a small thing, but many women don't have access to the knowledge that is shared here on a daily basis: spiritually, mentally, physically and mentally. It may seem like your life is not exciting enough right now, but trust me: I've come to understand that there is nothing like a woman who can offer peace to her FH/DH. There's too little of that in the world today. Folks are accustomed to drama! So nowadays all you hear is advice on how to deal with things not going right all the time...but imagine something better: not having to deal with drama at all. That is what Jesus is offering us. So yes, we are small minded. To put it in another way: "if we all shared our sins with one another, we'd be bored with the lack of ingenuity we all have." 

HTH


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## blessedandfavoured

ckisland said:


> I think that I just need ladies to pray for me.
> 
> I've been sitting over here on the other side of God's fence purposefully for about 7 months now, and I don't know what I'm doing._ *I'm sitting in the world of carnality, and honestly, there's nothing here. I thought that I would have so much freedom to be a full blown heathen, and guess what? I've had some "fun" and it's just been so mediocre.*_ I am this C.S. Lewis quote,
> 
> "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”



This is going to be long, so bear with me, please.  

There's nothing in the world for anyone, not even heathens.  It's vile, empty, wasteful, worthless.  The devil is a liar, he makes promises he can't keep.  He offers 'attractive' lies but at the end of the day, they're lies.  His tricks haven't changed since day 1.  He talked Adam and Eve into doubting God's Word and their disobedience plunged the world into chaos and misery.  God's Word is life.  Please take Him at His Word. 

*James 4:4 King James Version (KJV)*
4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

*1 John 2:16 King James Version (KJV)*
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

*James 4:8 King James Version (KJV)*
8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

*1 John 1:9-2:2 King James Version (KJV)*
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
2 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
2 And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

Hallelujah! God is wooing you back.  Please, let Him.  Come back to Christ.

*Softly and Tenderly, Jesus is Calling*
1 Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling—
  Calling for you and for me;
Patiently Jesus is waiting and watching—
  Watching for you and for me!

_Come home! come home!
  Ye who are weary, come home!
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
    Calling, O sinner, come home!_

2 Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading—
  Pleading for you and for me?
Why should we linger and heed not His mercies—
  Mercies for you and for me?

3 Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing—
  Passing from you and from me;
Shadows are gathering, death-beds are coming—
  Coming for you and for me!

4 Oh, for the wonderful love He has promised—
  Promised for you and for me!
Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon—
  Pardon for you and for me!

*Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus*
1 O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free.

_   Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
  In the light of His glory and grace._

2 Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion
For more than conqu’rors we are!

3 His Word shall not fail you, He promised;
Believe Him and all will be well;
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

My advice is simple.  Pray!  Talk to Jesus, confess your sins to Him, pour out your heart to Him.  Let Him cleanse you.  Receive His forgiveness.  Walk with Him. 


God bless!


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## newgrowth15

This message isn't addressed to anyone in this thread in particular, but to all who would listen.  God said in His word for us to cast all of our cares upon Him for He cares for us. 1 Peter 5:6-7.  However, verse 6 requires us to humble ourselves before God, first.

To cast a care is like throwing a stone into a lake.  Once you let the stone go, you no longer have any control over the stone and after the ripples in the water that were caused by the stone disappear, you soon forget about the stone. It doesn't mean the stone is not there, you just stop thinking about the stone and move on with your life.

Once the care of wanting a godly spouse is cast into the hands of God, leave it with Him. He knows what you want and what you need.  If you stay out of the way, God will bring the husband to you, but you have got to be ready to receive him.  Are you spiritually ready to be a wife?  Are you ready to submit your will to this godly man that you asked for?  Are you willing to give of yourself to please God and your husband?  Are you aware that godly marriage is not the world's fantasy of marriage, but is a representation  of what Christ meant for the church to be? As you ask yourself these questions, study Ephesians chapter 5.  Marriage is serious and is not to be taken lightly.  Examine yourself and make sure you really understand what you are asking The Creator of the Universe to do because you will accept a huge responsibility once you are certain this is what you really want.

God bless you in your thoughts and actions.


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## Lucia

Although this is not a self proclaimed Christian vlogger she’s being all inclusive addressing Christian women mid video??  she does have good points and does talk about being a Christian single woman and how that plays into dating, waiting for marriage, being hypergamous and leveling up.


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## Lucia

Repost thought it should be here
————————————



Maracujá said:


> Have hated PDA ever since I was a little girl. Hailing from an African cultural background, there's very little PDA to begin with, yet people literally went the extra mile, simply to help others back in the days there.
> 
> Judas kissed Jesus before he betrayed Him. Orpah kissed Naomi before she left her. And I am sure there are many other such examples in the Bible.
> 
> PDA is widely practiced in the Western Hemisphere, so far, I haven't had a chance to compare the divorce rates of countries here vs. the Arabian Peninsula, Asia and Africa. Places where PDA is frowned upon. But I have a gut feeling that I wouldn't be too surprised at the results.
> 
> Close to 15 years ago, I was in a situationship with a guy, who constantly wanted to showcase PDA. That's how I knew he did not love me.




I don’t have a problem with someone giving a kiss on the cheek or an innocent hug, family or friends because I’m from a Latin background and that what we do. Now if it’s a couple they should keep their PDA to a minimum and innocent like kiss on the cheeks, holding hands, hugs, innocent kiss on the lips, and all that with a qualifier if in public only when necessary like leaving for a long trip etc otherwise just keep it around family and friends In all things moderation.
Where the line needs to be drawn is when people are knowingly in an open very public space and they’re going at it like deep kissing, foreplay manhandling, fondling, foreplay  etc,,,(all things some people think is OK to do in public even where children are present BTW) all if that is too much and really is offensive disrespectful to the woman, everyone else and the relationship.
I’ve always been told that if a couple is always or has to go out of their way in public or he’s the love of my life declarations everyday all day long and or extreme OTT PDA then Their relationship is bad, a sham, and their just putting on. Show for the public.

My fam was traveling once and their was this good liking young coule and they were PDA and OTT dramatic declarations all the time but they had. Cabin next to ours and we heard knock down drag out fights with all kinds of profanity belittling etc. it’s like as soon as they stepped in their room the masks came off. A man is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church, that automatically implies respect protection kindness true love and the willingness to lay down his life for her and children. When a man is into excessive pda he’s just trying to pimp a woman out, and trying devalue her publicly  like look at what I’ve got and look at what she can do.

I glad you got out of that situationship. Some men are slick they won’t just grab you or put a hand where it doesn’t belong at first it could be the conversation topic turns overtly sexual or sexual jokes also put down and meaness towards you out of thin air verbally or about his ex or women in general, comments then he’ll say I was only kidding or joking, lighten up. No you need to check them right at that moment don’t let it slide. Especially when you’ve barely met or know him also if at any point in the relationship he starts doing these things, draw your line. If he cannot or will not respect you, Drop him block him on all communications and ghost him quick he’s an abuser and may secretly hate women.

My advice to you if a man is trying to push your private space or comfort zones too quickly check him quick on it assertively with firmness let him know ONCE that pda or more is a NO! We have to have clear boundaries as women and not let men or society pressure us into what suits them. 
But I find that men who were well brought up with respect for women don’t do this usually.
This should be on the Christian single ladies thread.


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## Lucia

Maracujá said:


> ​


Good teaching I like that they used real stats as well as scripture to back it up.


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## Lucia




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## Lucia

Part addressing single ladies


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## Lucia




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## Lucia

How user/abuser men manipulate women around 1:15


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## Maracujá

Lucia said:


> Part addressing single ladies



No offense: but really? When did love become a science instead of an art form? 

In the meantime:


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## Lucia

Parts 1 ,2 are teaching 3rd is his personal testimony.


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## Lucia




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## Maracujá

https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/the-best-kind-of-love-is-a-simple-kind-of-love/

https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com...hip-tips-that-will-keep-your-marriage-strong/

Had to post these two articles, because they spoke to my core. That word, _simple_, is one I'm trying to incorporate into every aspect of my life. It has become a magical word for me. 

Next year I will be celebrating my 35th birthday (Godwilling). This means I've been single for 15 years. It has dawned on me that relationships in the Western Hemisphere, are nothing like in Third World Countries, where I hail from. For all of the wealth we experience on this side of the world, we pay it with piss poor love lives, family ties and platonic relationships. 

Not to say that marriage is the end all be all, but it was never this complicated when I was growing up. Also, if you were single, you didn't really feel it: there were people all around you. A few years back one of our close friends moved back to Mozambique and...she immediately found love there. Another woman I know, moved to Canada...to find love there (as they are not as extreme with capitalism as the rest of the Western world). 

Spent last weekend with my older sister and for all the time I spent with them, I still could not quite put my finger on what it is that makes their union work. But it sure does work: they have a routine with their children that they don't stray from. They have distinct roles as male and female. And the list goes on. I on the other hand have never had a healthy romantic relationship in my life. It's not so much the being single that hurts, it's the not knowing whether it might ever happen: should I prepare? Should I just live my life?

Most of the relationships I've had were abusive in some way: emotionally, financially, verbally,...etc. But on the outside, I look just like any other young woman. Been working on myself for aeons, to figure out why I keep attracting such men. I always come up with nothing. Now I'm so afraid of even opening my heart up again: back then I was not in a church community. Right now, should things not go right again, I have the eyes of little girls and young women on me. Plus, I'm just tired of getting my heart broken every time.


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## blessedandfavoured

Maracujá said:


> https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/the-best-kind-of-love-is-a-simple-kind-of-love/
> 
> https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com...hip-tips-that-will-keep-your-marriage-strong/
> 
> Had to post these two articles, because they spoke to my core. That word, _simple_, is one I'm trying to incorporate into every aspect of my life. It has become a magical word for me.
> 
> Next year I will be celebrating my 35th birthday (Godwilling). This means I've been single for 15 years. It has dawned on me that relationships in the Western Hemisphere, are nothing like in Third World Countries, where I hail from. For all of the wealth we experience on this side of the world, we pay it with piss poor love lives, family ties and platonic relationships.
> 
> Not to say that marriage is the end all be all, but it was never this complicated when I was growing up. Also, if you were single, you didn't really feel it: there were people all around you. A few years back one of our close friends moved back to Mozambique and...she immediately found love there. Another woman I know, moved to Canada...to find love there (as they are not as extreme with capitalism as the rest of the Western world).
> 
> Spent last weekend with my older sister and for all the time I spent with them, I still could not quite put my finger on what it is that makes their union work. But it sure does work: they have a routine with their children that they don't stray from. They have distinct roles as male and female. And the list goes on. I on the other hand have never had a healthy romantic relationship in my life. It's not so much the being single that hurts, it's the not knowing whether it might ever happen: should I prepare? Should I just live my life?
> 
> Most of the relationships I've had were abusive in some way: emotionally, financially, verbally,...etc. But on the outside, I look just like any other young woman. *Been working on myself for aeons, to figure out why I keep attracting such men. I always come up with nothing.* Now I'm so afraid of even opening my heart up again: back then I was not in a church community. Right now, should things not go right again, I have the eyes of little girls and young women on me. Plus, I'm just tired of getting my heart broken every time.



@Maracujá, as you already said, marriage is not the be all and end all.  Jesus came to save us for Himself and so we would know Him and the Father.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have *eternal life.*" - John 3:16
"Now this is _*eternal life*_: *that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ*, whom you have sent." - John 17:3

That said, regarding the bolded from your quote, ask the Lord to reveal the root of the problem, and invite the Holy Spirit to heal your soul. 
"Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, *he will guide you into all truth*: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come." - John 16:13

The Lord is willing to help and heal you. All you have to do is ask and quietly listen for His answer.  God bless.


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## blessedandfavoured

Hi again, @Maracujá.  I've been thinking about your post and I thought I'd write again.  I hope this is useful and not overstepping.  I would have sent a PM, but this might help someone else.



Maracujá said:


> I on the other hand have never had a healthy romantic relationship in my life. It's not so much the being single that hurts, it's the not knowing whether it might ever happen:* should I prepare? Should I just live my life?*





Spoiler



If you're putting your life on hold because you don't know whether or not you'll ever be married, you're not really living the life God wants for you.  Jesus said that He came that we might have abundant life (John 10:10).  It doesn't matter whether we're unmarried or married, life in Christ should be abundant and full of Him and His love.  Please pray about the things you might be holding yourself back from doing, if there are any.

In my opinion, too many people are trying to prepare for an earthly marriage to an imperfect mate when it is ultimately God's will that we prepare for our eternal marriage with our perfect Lord (2 Peter 3:11-12). The Lord wants us to be like Jesus.  He has promised that if we seek His Kingdom and righteousness first, all other things will be added (Matthew 6:31-34, Luke 12:29-32).  If we abide in Him, and let His word abide in us, the rest will follow (John 15:1-12).





> That word, _simple_, is one I'm trying to incorporate into every aspect of my life. It has become a magical word for me.



We're on the same page.  For me simplicity and peace go well together.


Spoiler



When Christ died on the cross, we who have accepted His sacrifice died with Him (Galatians 2:20-21).  The more we allow Christ to live His life through us, the more peace our lives will have.  He is the Prince of Peace.  As we become more like Christ, allowing Him to live through us, we will automatically become better employees, children, siblings, parents, spouses, citizens, etc, because He is living through us.  There is no fruit of the Spirit that will not improve our relationships in this life (Galatians 5:22-23).  Combine that with The Spirit's discernment, and God's got us covered.  Growing in our relationship with God is the best way to prepare for marriage.





> *Most of the relationships I've had were abusive in some way*: emotionally, financially, verbally,...etc. But on the outside, I look just like any other young woman. Been working on myself for aeons, to figure out why I keep attracting such men. I always come up with nothing. *Now I'm so afraid of even opening my heart up again*: back then I was not in a church community. Right now, should things not go right again, I have the eyes of little girls and young women on me. Plus, *I'm just tired of getting my heart broken every time.*





Spoiler



Romans 12:1-2 says that if you allow God's Word to renew your mind, you will be able to know what is God's will and John 8:31-32 says that if we continue in Christ's word, we will know the truth.  Basically, knowing and believing God's Word improves our discernment.  It helps to guard your heart, too (Proverbs 4:23).  

Please ask the Lord for the ability to receive His love, and the grace to forgive yourself for past mistakes and sins.  He has forgiven you for Jesus's sake - forgive yourself.  Ask God for the grace to stop looking back,  and to walk with Him into the glorious future He has prepared for you.  Break every association you have made (knowingly or not) with the spirit of rejection and fear, and receive His acceptance, boldness and peace.



Sorry for the sermon, I just hate to see people (usually women) putting their lives on hold because they don't have a man.  As Christians, we have the best man ever!   He loves you more than you know.  God bless you.


----------



## ckisland

@blessedandfavoured  Thank you so much for responding. I know that your post wasn't directed towards me, but it encouraged me tremendously!


----------



## ckisland

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/i-never-knew-you

I wanted to share this article because it had such a jarring affect on me. When I read this, the first thing I felt was fear LOL! But fear can become introspection . Either way, God's called me back to Him and He is hitting the message home. I haven't read my Bible in months and the first thing I read is 1 John where he talks about obeying Jesus's commands. Then I happen to go to that site, which I haven't been on in who knows how long, and the article posted today is also about love, faith and obedience. When I left God and the Church, I left because I didn't want to be like the Pharisees. I was showing outward displays of religion but my heart was so far from God. I had been changed enough by the Spirit that I couldn't fake it. My faking it turned into resentment and full on hatred at times. 

But here I am ready to learn to love God all over again.


----------



## Maracujá

ckisland said:


> @blessedandfavoured  Thank you so much for responding. I know that your post wasn't directed towards me, but *it encouraged me tremendously!*



Oh yes, it got me through my day on Thursday and increased my faith. It's so easy to forget about the Blessor and focus on the blessings, even while going to church. But her post brought me right back to where I prefer to be...with my First Love .


----------



## Rumbii

Belle Du Jour said:


> Although this isn't specific to Christian women, I do think many Christian women fall into the chronically single trap.  I am posting this with love because I don't believe God desires his daughters to languish away in singledom: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/chronically-single/id1372248881?i=1000429917688


@Belle Du Jour Thank you for posting this. It has been so very insightful. I am going to ask for God’s guidance on how to apply it in my life. I have shared it with my other chronically single friends.


----------



## Belle Du Jour

Rumbii said:


> @Belle Du Jour Thank you for posting this. It has been so very insightful. I am going to ask for God’s guidance on how to apply it in my life. I have shared it with my other chronically single friends.



Thank you! That podcast was a wake up call for me and shifted everything. “Chronically single” is no longer my identity. It took some work but I’ve come a long way. Good luck with everything!


----------



## Maracujá

How's everyone doing for 20/20?


----------



## blessedandfavoured

Maracujá said:


> How's everyone doing for 20/20?



Leaning on the everlasting arms!  
How about you, @Maracujá?  Hope you're well.  I hope we're all well.


----------



## Lucia

Hope this will put a smile on your faces. Remember when Tim Tebow was bing ridiculed and dumped for not putting out, well God ALWAYS DELIVERS!   Isaiah 55:11
so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.



As always YouTube comments are lit


----------



## Maracujá

blessedandfavoured said:


> Leaning on the everlasting arms!
> How about you, @Maracujá?  Hope you're well.  I hope we're all well.



I'm OK. Prolonged singleness has me taking a closer look at my finances, have neglected them for the longest. Right now I'm almost confined to living in studio apartments, as the city I live in is super expensive. But I don't have a permit so I can't really move to the suburbs. It's a catch 22.


----------



## newgrowth15

EXAMINE YOURSELF 

Has any woman met the man for whom she is worthy to be called his helpmate?  Go and examine the scriptures to learn how a husband is to treat his wife.  Once you understand the qualifications of a husband, then you will be ready to receive what God wants for his daughters and stop settling for these imposters.


----------



## Maracujá

BUMP


----------



## blessedandfavoured

AMEN!


----------



## Maracujá




----------



## blessedandfavoured

John 14:15-18, John 15:13-14.

Jesus is the Friend that sticks closer than a brother.


----------



## Rumbii

This blessed me so much. It might help someone else


----------



## Lucia

Church warns yoga, feng shui practitioners
					

WHEN SAINTS COME MARCHING IN Zombies and phantoms, move over. Children choose to don the garb of holy men and women on the eve of All Saints’ Day during a “march of saints” led by Manila




					lifestyle.inquirer.net


----------



## Lucia

I’ve been listening to Christian relationship speakers and secular ones. Heres some points I found both secular and Christian men complaining about that they would t say in mixed company or forums.  I think that women really need to listen to and if necessary make changes. The top of the men’s list was
1. Physical Attractiveness (the secular men were more harsh)  2.  Feminine soft warm kind compassionate 3.  Classy 4. Respectful 5. Low body count ie the less she’s slept around the better being a virgin is a plus for men not always a requirement. Just like university degrees a plus not required.  But most men wont say this out loud for fear of being destroyed for telling their truth.
Solutions These are possible solutions I know three are more these are just some brief ones I’ve listed.

1. *Modern women* (even church girls) no longer listen and the number one pet peeve of men women who pop off at the mouth with a lot of disrespectful lip because they don’t care about a mans opinion, don’t care what a man thinks and ultimately don’t respect men either overtly or covertly. Not even if the man is her Fiancé or Husband.
Problems this causes: Difficultly dissatisfaction and strife in the relationship. A real masculine man not an effeminate male will tell you ONCE maybe twice either directly or by suggestion that you should be doing this or that differently. Ex. Honey I really  liked how you wore your hair at the party last weekend. Let’s go hiking biking jogging to the gym together.  (Take the hint already and we say men don’t get it)  Or how come you don’t wear that dress I like (the dress you may or may not still fit into). The real masculine not fluffy types will just put it out there real blunt. These are simple but a lot of women resist, are rebellious and don’t want to submit and give her husband what he wants even if it’s honey I like you with longer hair then she cuts it off and has a knee jerk reaction every time he looks at other women with long hair. Really ??? Are we this blind? Yes, we are.
The unspoken rules that we all know but don’t practice. What you did to get him or better how you were physically and how you treated him made him feel- when you met him are those same things you need to do to keep him.

Solution: All women have to do to solve this is really listen to his wants and needs he will tell you especially if he’s you husband fiancé please no comments, no hmm hmm, don’t cut him off don’t interject your own opinion just let the man speak.

*2. Christian Feminism* (those 2 words should not be in the same title because it’s an oxymoron emphasis on the moron j/k sort of). :rollseyes:

It’s just the same old secular rhetoric repacked and sprinkled with some Bible verses to make it “Christian”.  Well there’s nothing Christian about feminism I could go into it but that deserves its own blog post or thesis but moving on.  Mary Jesus’ mother was not a feminist she new her place, played her position and acted accordingly she never came out of pocket with Joeseph. Joeseph said get on this donkey were gong to Bethlehem. Mary: Crickets she got up on the donkey 9 months pregnant and went.

Just to be brief feminism states I don’t want a man don’t need a man because I can do it all without a man and do it better than a man because I am better than a man. (Even though every comfort and natural resource I have at my disposal is because of men who have conquered it for us) The feminist delusion* is real.

Problems this causes: Well if you’re in your masculine mode (knowingly or not) and negative about all men even in the smallest degree then how can you expect a real masculine man of God to even approach you. Just the masculine spirit and the spirit of rejection (ie the I don’t need a man talk) will repel him.
Ex all men are dogs
I only attract married or unavailable men - if you repeat this long enough you will believe it and it will become a self fulfilling prophesy.
I’m not blank I’m not blank enough or I’m negative blank.

Remember life and death in the power of the tongue. If you speak defeat over yourself your circumstance and your life as pharaoh said so it is written so shall it be. You are essentially cursing yourself and your own life. That’s why it’s extremely important to arrest those negative thoughts from go because not all thoughts suggested in your mind actually came from you. Let that simmer for a while.

Solution:  Look at yourself listen to your inner recordings what messages are you repeating in your brain. Take custody of your mind and tongue in Jesus name.  Don’t just come into agreement with any random idea that pops into your head or that you hear or heard somewhere.

*3. Do the Work*.
Its not enough to just identify the problem and find a solution. Talking about it, thinking about it and venting about may help but that alone will not solve your problems. You need to take action this part especially is not an option.
Let me say again for those in the back.
You *MUST DO.THE.WORK!!!!
Faith without works is dead. *Figure out those areas that need to be polished up, softened etc... and work on them diligently like your studying for the SATs.
*You should have faith that God has a husband for you if that’s His will but if you want a Boaz you have to be a Ruth if you want a King you must be an Esther, a Proverbs 31 woman. You must exude that energy walk the walk and talk the talk. That only comes from actually being that Prov 31 woman not pretending not half way there you must BE that woman.*

Problems:  If you don’t do the work then you’ll be forever stuck in a vicious cycle of sometimes identifying your issues correctly, sometimes looking for some solutions, but never carrying out the plan to improve yourself  No follow through ladies is a non starter, literally.
Ex. You’re overweight or obese but you buy into body positivity run amok. There’s nothing wrong with loving the person you are yourself inside and out. But if you’re actually unhealthy and lying to yourself and it’s not going to be beneficial to you or anyone around you who loves you.

Problems: Health issues sooner or later, Men looking you over because their not attracted to big girls. (*Men are hard wired to be visual) Not facing the facts that you may be pre or full blown diabetic, hypertensive, early onset arthritis, bone issues organs working overtime all the time just to do the everyday stuff, infertility issues high risk pregnancy,  and a host of other health problems not to mention the psychological repercussions depression low self esteem etc....

Solutions: Praise and walk, pray and lift, pray and squat!
Take a cold hard look at yourself and your choices or lack thereof and if you don’t like what you see DO something about if you think nothing needs to be done, sis I’m waving the red flag here, can you see it?
Look no one is saying be a size 2 that’s not for everyone but being obese not only is not healthy but it is not honoring Gods temple ie YOU!
It is also keeping you from fulfilling Gods best for you on all levels and keeping you from fulfilling Gods mission for you the way he intended for you to be healthy and whole. If you’re cut down on your prime to diseases secondary to obesity then you can’t start or finish Gods mission for you. If your focus is on failing health health issues mental physical then the enemy has succeeded in distracting you from the goal and derailing you from your mission. This is a demon you must wrestle to the floor by any means necessary. There groups Christian counseling personal trainers etc.... Don’t think that you can come as you are and you will be accepted. Jesus said that but that won’t work on an earthly man even if he’s Godly. (Just look at Joshua Eze’s and Joel Osteen’s wives both are gorgeous women on the outside as well as the inner qualities to be pastors wives.

So this post is long enough I will post more details later in my blog.


----------



## Maracujá

^^^^^^This is a topic I discuss ad nauseam, both on and offline, within my circle of friends and acquaintances. As Millennials, we want ready mades. People who have worked so much on themselves that they are…perfect. No need to do anything anymore. Let's just glide this one. Hence the reason why we're marrying so late. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. The last things to grow on a tree are always…fruit. If someone is perfect then…when will you show them grace? 

As a young Christian, I tend to read the Bible with rose colored glasses. A Congolese pastor did a 4-day special on each male and female character in the Bible, showcasing their flaws and I was just floored. It had never dawned on me: Abraham didn't take financial care of Ismael (read: didn't pay alimony) - Moses overworked himself, paying little to no attention to his wife - David was a murderer and a philanderer. Our generation keeps expecting to bypass all these hurdles, just so we can floss on FB about having found the right person 'cause we're so prayerful. It's not working. At all. The result is an influx of studies upon studies and webinars upon webinars on how to be a husband / wife. It ends up paralyzing you and still leave you with expectations that have nothing to do with reality. 

Anyone who is past the age of 30 and is still looking at the outside to choose a spouse, is not someone I would even consider. As Michelle McKinney-Hammond said: "It's not about what you want the person to look like. But rather: what do you want the relationship to look like?" I could go on and on about this topic. But honestly, I've gotten so tired of the theories, it's not even funny. 

This is a meal I cooked in 2019: 



This is a meal I cooked in 2020: 





What's the difference? Patience, perseverance and growth. Give people time and the benefit of the doubt. Look beyond what you can see. I'm willing to bet that if I were married last year and cooked something like that for my DH, that would be grounds for divorce. But look at what he would be missing in 2020? .  

My mom went through something like this: a man she was dating a few years back, left her, because she had scars all over her back, from an allergic reaction years prior. Fast forward to now, I was watching her change blouses and noticed the scars were gone. It really got me thinking. We miss out on blessings simply because we are so superficial!


----------



## blessedandfavoured

Lucia said:


> I’ve been listening to Christian relationship speakers and secular ones. Heres some points I found both secular and Christian men complaining about that they would t say in mixed company or forums.  I think that women really need to listen to and if necessary make changes. The top of the men’s list was
> 1. Physical Attractiveness (the secular men were more harsh)  2.  Feminine soft warm kind compassionate 3.  Classy 4. Respectful *5. Low body count ie the less she’s slept around the better being a virgin is a plus for men not always a requirement. *Just like university degrees a plus not required.  But most men wont say this out loud for fear of being destroyed for telling their truth.
> Solutions These are possible solutions I know three are more these are just some brief ones I’ve listed.
> 
> 1. *Modern women* (even church girls) no longer listen and the number one pet peeve of men women who pop off at the mouth with a lot of disrespectful lip because they don’t care about a mans opinion, don’t care what a man thinks and ultimately don’t respect men either overtly or covertly. Not even if the man is her Fiancé or Husband.
> Problems this causes: Difficultly dissatisfaction and strife in the relationship. A real masculine man not an effeminate male will tell you ONCE maybe twice either directly or by suggestion that you should be doing this or that differently. Ex. Honey I really  liked how you wore your hair at the party last weekend. Let’s go hiking biking jogging to the gym together.  (Take the hint already and we say men don’t get it)  Or how come you don’t wear that dress I like (the dress you may or may not still fit into). The real masculine not fluffy types will just put it out there real blunt. These are simple but a lot of women resist, are rebellious and don’t want to submit and give her husband what he wants even if it’s honey I like you with longer hair then she cuts it off and has a knee jerk reaction every time he looks at other women with long hair. Really ??? Are we this blind? Yes, we are.
> The unspoken rules that we all know but don’t practice. What you did to get him or better how you were physically and how you treated him made him feel- when you met him are those same things you need to do to keep him.
> 
> Solution: All women have to do to solve this is really listen to his wants and needs he will tell you especially if he’s you husband fiancé please no comments, no hmm hmm, don’t cut him off don’t interject your own opinion just let the man speak.
> 
> *2. Christian Feminism* (those 2 words should not be in the same title because it’s an oxymoron emphasis on the moron j/k sort of). :rollseyes:
> 
> It’s just the same old secular rhetoric repacked and sprinkled with some Bible verses to make it “Christian”.  Well there’s nothing Christian about feminism I could go into it but that deserves its own blog post or thesis but moving on.  Mary Jesus’ mother was not a feminist she new her place, played her position and acted accordingly she never came out of pocket with Joeseph. Joeseph said get on this donkey were gong to Bethlehem. Mary: Crickets she got up on the donkey 9 months pregnant and went.
> 
> Just to be brief feminism states I don’t want a man don’t need a man because I can do it all without a man and do it better than a man because I am better than a man. (Even though every comfort and natural resource I have at my disposal is because of men who have conquered it for us) The feminist delusion* is real.
> 
> Problems this causes: Well if you’re in your masculine mode (knowingly or not) and negative about all men even in the smallest degree then how can you expect a real masculine man of God to even approach you. Just the masculine spirit and the spirit of rejection (ie the I don’t need a man talk) will repel him.
> Ex all men are dogs
> I only attract married or unavailable men - if you repeat this long enough you will believe it and it will become a self fulfilling prophesy.
> I’m not blank I’m not blank enough or I’m negative blank.
> 
> Remember life and death in the power of the tongue. If you speak defeat over yourself your circumstance and your life as pharaoh said so it is written so shall it be. You are essentially cursing yourself and your own life. That’s why it’s extremely important to arrest those negative thoughts from go because not all thoughts suggested in your mind actually came from you. Let that simmer for a while.
> 
> Solution:  Look at yourself listen to your inner recordings what messages are you repeating in your brain. Take custody of your mind and tongue in Jesus name.  Don’t just come into agreement with any random idea that pops into your head or that you hear or heard somewhere.
> 
> *3. Do the Work*.
> Its not enough to just identify the problem and find a solution. Talking about it, thinking about it and venting about may help but that alone will not solve your problems. You need to take action this part especially is not an option.
> Let me say again for those in the back.
> You *MUST DO.THE.WORK!!!!
> Faith without works is dead. *Figure out those areas that need to be polished up, softened etc... and work on them diligently like your studying for the SATs.
> You should have faith that God has a husband for you if that’s His will but if you want a Boaz you have to be a Ruth if you want a King you must be an Esther, a Proverbs 31 woman. You must exude that energy walk the walk and talk the talk. That only comes from actually being that Prov 31 woman not pretending not half way there you must BE that woman.
> 
> Problems:  If you don’t do the work then you’ll be forever stuck in a vicious cycle of sometimes identifying your issues correctly, sometimes looking for some solutions, but never carrying out the plan to improve yourself  No follow through ladies is a non starter, literally.
> Ex. You’re overweight or obese but you buy into body positivity run amok. There’s nothing wrong with loving the person you are yourself inside and out. But if you’re actually unhealthy and lying to yourself and it’s not going to be beneficial to you or anyone around you who loves you.
> 
> Problems: Health issues sooner or later, Men looking you over because their not attracted to big girls. (*Men are hard wired to be visual) Not facing the facts that you may be pre or full blown diabetic, hypertensive, early onset arthritis, bone issues organs working overtime all the time just to do the everyday stuff, infertility issues high risk pregnancy,  and a host of other health problems not to mention the psychological repercussions depression low self esteem etc....
> 
> Solutions: Praise and walk, pray and lift, pray and squat!
> Take a cold hard look at yourself and your choices or lack thereof and if you don’t like what you see DO something about if you think nothing needs to be done, sis I’m waving the red flag here, can you see it?
> Look no one is saying be a size 2 that’s not for everyone but being obese not only is not healthy but it is not honoring Gods temple ie YOU!
> It is also keeping you from fulfilling Gods best for you on all levels and keeping you from fulfilling Gods mission for you the way he intended for you to be healthy and whole. If you’re cut down on your prime to diseases secondary to obesity then you can’t start or finish Gods mission for you. If your focus is on failing health health issues mental physical then the enemy has succeeded in distracting you from the goal and derailing you from your mission. This is a demon you must wrestle to the floor by any means necessary. There groups Christian counseling personal trainers etc.... Don’t think that you can come as you are and you will be accepted. Jesus said that but that won’t work on an earthly man even if he’s Godly. (Just look at Joshua Eze’s and Joel Osteen’s wives both are gorgeous women on the outside as well as the inner qualities to be pastors wives.
> 
> So this post is long enough I will post more details later in my blog.



IMO, low body count should only be a preference if he's offering the same.  Good health should only be a preference if he's offering the same, not looking for a nurse, lol.  I'd hope a Christian man was respecting God by respecting women, among other things.
Water finds its own level. 
Proverbs says that God hates unjust weights and balances. 
God bless, ladies.  That's all from me.


----------



## Lucia




----------



## Maracujá

Watched this video not too long ago and it hit home:



A lot more pastors are starting to talk about the very practical side of marriage: who will pick up the children from  school? who will cook? how will you maintain your physique? how will y'all spend the day? who will carry which load? how will you make sure you look presentable all of the time? what about the cleaning schedule?

Even heard a pastor complaining about the proverbial scarf Black women sleep with  thought it was so funny. My bil also spoke about getting the finances in order  . Not just fantasizing and thinking about it all day, but really getting to the nitty gritty .


----------



## TwoSnapsUp

Please don’t quote.

Recent events have reminded me of how lonely I am. I can’t help but to wonder why God doesn’t feel I deserve healthy romantic love. I’ve tried having faith, I’ve tried prayer, crystals, subs, leaving things to the universe, manifesting, vision boards...

I don’t think he wants this for me. I am surrounded by good news. I just want to move somewhere and actually be alone since I am so lonely anyway.

I keep asking why. Still waiting for an answer. I don’t think I will ever get one. I still have so many decades of life left. So many decades for me to spend it lonely.

It’s crazy, years ago I told God I want the next man I date to be my husband. Haven’t dated anyone since. Depressed.


----------



## Maracujá

^^^^^^

Sorry to hear you feel this way, I have my days too, believe me 

Best advice I've ever received, came from David Burrus: "Be OK with if it never happens." Once you grasp this concept and adopt this mentality, you actually relax and exude another type of aura. Which coincidentally, may actually land you the romantic relationship you've always dreamed of. Often times we look at some boring couples, who have always had the idea of marriage but not the practicality of it, and think it could never be us. But that's not true.

Get busy building a life. So many of us women wrap and center our whole life around the men in our lives. God is trying to change that in this season. Been single for roughly 16 years now, tend to be in my feelings sometimes too. But I've matured so much. Was talking to my sister who has been married for as long as I've been single + has 3 beautiful girls. She told me: "You may as well get married and have children, you already live like that anyway." 

She was talking about the level of maturity I've gained over the years, simply by living by myself. I'm now able to hold a conversation with almost anyone, on any topic. That is a gift. I'm also able to recalibrate fast, with my cat reflexes: lost my job during this pandemic, three weeks later I had landed another job . Over the years I've been able to tailor my cleaning schedule, to fit my lifestyle. So that now, I'm much better able to carve out time for me...and a future SO/spouse, should there ever be one.

Though I have a mental and a physical illness, most people can barely tell. Been managing both for aeons and they're under control. Lastly, don't glance over this nugget of wisdom: everything you're doing right now, while you are alone, could mean the difference between having a fulfilling relationship later on vs. spending your days & nights arguing with your DH. Simply because you didn't accumulate enough pleasant experiences that turned into memories, that you in turn are able to share with your spouse during your union.


----------



## blessedandfavoured

Dear @TwoSnapsUp, thanks for posting - I was thinking about you last week, wondering how you're doing.
@Maracujá has spoken truth, but I have two questions:
1. Do you love God because He sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ, to save you from your sins and from eternal damnation?
2. Do you like yourself?

I don't need to know the answers to these questions but I think if you can come to the point where you can answer 'yes' to both, it will be positive for you.
May God richly bless you with more of Himself and any other good thing He has for you, amen.


----------



## Shimmie

Dear @TwoSnapsUp 

For starters...God has not forsaken your heart’s desire.   He has heard and He intends to bless you with the most loving and happy marriage ever.

I will begin by sharing this video with you.   I’ll be back a little later with more to encourage you.


----------



## TwoSnapsUp

Right now I feel nothing when it comes to your first question. I grew up loving God, giving myself to God. ( grew up in a religious household) Being a “good woman”. All to feel what I am feeling now. All of that faith and positivity has slowly disappeared this last decade. Do I like myself? Yes, which is why I don’t understand why I am still single at 40. People around me are on their second and third child. When will I have my first? I feel that I am somehow cursed or blocked.

And I am not sitting around doing nothing. Everyone around me thinks I have a fulfilling life. None of them know that I am trying to fill a void. None of them know I would give it all up just to have a loving family of my own.



blessedandfavoured said:


> Dear @TwoSnapsUp, thanks for posting - I was thinking about you last week, wondering how you're doing.
> @Maracujá has spoken truth, but I have two questions:
> 1. Do you love God because He sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ, to save you from your sins and from eternal damnation?
> 2. Do you like yourself?
> 
> I don't need to know the answers to these questions but I think if you can come to the point where you can answer 'yes' to both, it will be positive for you.
> May God richly bless you with more of Himself and any other good thing He has for you, amen.


----------



## blessedandfavoured

TwoSnapsUp said:


> Right now I feel nothing when it comes to your first question. I grew up loving God, giving myself to God. ( grew up in a religious household) Being a “good woman”. All to feel what I am feeling now. All of that faith and positivity has slowly disappeared this last decade. Do I like myself? Yes, which is why I don’t understand why I am still single at 40. People around me are on their second and third child. When will I have my first? I feel that I am somehow cursed or blocked.
> 
> And I am not sitting around doing nothing. Everyone around me thinks I have a fulfilling life. None of them know that I am trying to fill a void. None of them know I would give it all up just to have a loving family of my own.



There's a lot to unpack here, and I think the church has a lot to answer for, but for now I hope this article helps you.  I'm sure others wiser than me can give you more encouragement.

*Have You Left Your First Love?*


Spoiler



Darkness is never so dark as when a redeemed soul isn’t satisfied in God. The richness of the Scripture has no taste. The preacher’s sermon deflects off fleshly armor. Prayers seem to be stamped, “Return to sender.”

Distractions intrude the best attempts to have quiet moments with God. Your heart sighs. Memories of blazing intimacy with Christ make the soul now shiver. “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it” rings truer than other lyrics. You may even fear that, after all of this time, you aren’t really his.

*Darkness Deepens*

I have experienced several of these seasons during my decade as a Christian. It is a valley of the shadow of death, a desert wilderness in which Satan comes to tempt and deceive.

During these times, I’ve wanted to blame God for where I ended up and double down on my rebellion. But the haunting question God asked his spiritually callous people shoots down all my excuses, “What wrong did you find in me that you went far from me?” (see Jeremiah 2:5). When we find ourselves far from God, he is never the one to blame.

And this makes the darkness darker. I know that spiritual dullness often results from my treating God like a pigeon in the park to whom I leisurely throw the crumbs of my leftover devotion after a long day of caring about other things. In such seasons, God allows my joylessness to snap me out of treating him as a hobby, to learn afresh to seek his face as if he was, well, God.

I have even dressed up my desertion in religious robes. I might refuse discipline by calling it legalism; refuse God’s presence, calling it freedom; refuse to commune with him, calling it salvation by grace. Christ’s blood becomes that which was shed so that I might safely ignore him.

Of course, I overbook my schedule to hide my negligence. Like a criminal mastermind, I _premeditate alibis_ to exonerate myself from spiritual complacency. When questioned, like those other guests who also wickedly excused themselves (Luke 14:16–24), I keep my calendar close at hand to justify not attending my Master’s banquet. I write off the whole bit about loving Jesus above everything or I can’t be his disciple, calling it rhetorical hyperbole.

Even though I love Jesus, my love threatens to grow cold when the familiar becomes taken for granted and neglected.

*Leaving Your First Love?*

*Despite Satan’s insinuations, you are not the first to experience this paralyzing lack of happiness in God.* After commending the church at Ephesus concerning their patient endurance, intolerance of evil, suffering for Christ’s name, and exposing of false apostles, Jesus confronts them. Although this church looked amazing on paper, he turns to one central issue, “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first” (Revelation 2:4).

They had a zeal for orthodoxy, but they had lost their love for Jesus. They showed up for Bible studies and debated the heretics, but lost their pure love for their Lord. They stood against evil in their midst, but tolerated a sluggish love towards Jesus and each other.

They privately were abandoning _Christ_ in their public crusade for truth _about Christ_. They were exchanging Christ himself for theological images of their Savior. It is a scary reality that the road to hell is not only paved with good intentions, but good deeds and theological precision as well.

And Jesus was going to remove their lampstand if they continued to sled down the hill that Matthew warned against: “Because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:12–13).

But Jesus loves his church and has compassion towards his faintly burning wicks. So, Jesus counsels them, and us, in three ways:



> “_Remember_ therefore from where you have fallen; _repent_, and _do the works you did at first_. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” (Revelation 2:5)


*1. Remember*

The first step God calls us to may be surprising: _remember_. This is not some great feat for spiritual giants. It is merely the act of a child looking back upon former days.

Do you remember when God first awakened your soul? Do you remember the excitement you had when he plucked you out of darkness? How joyful did you dance, from an orphan to a son, a dead sinner to a resurrected saint, an enemy with God to his beloved? Do you remember?

Did you once run to prayer, not to take your daily dose of spiritual medicine, but because your Great Love waited for you there? Did you ever sing in the silence with the psalmist, “There is nothing I desire besides you” (see Psalm 73:25)? Did you stay up late to undress your soul before him? Did you rise up early to put on heavenly attire? Do you remember?

Remember quiet mornings of choosing the good portion as you sat at his feet. Remember the glory that you saw and the Savior that you sang to when you were filled with “joy unspeakable.” Remember the time you invested in eternity when you met with other believers to worship him. Remember.

*2. Repent*

From the conviction that comes from realizing where you once stood, _repent_. You have left Jerusalem for Egypt; the Promised Land for Canaan. Don’t just try to do better next time. Don’t just feel guilty and hide behind the bushes of good intentions. Go to your Savior in the blood of his Son and cry out for mercy, confessing your coldness to him and asking him for grace.

Tell him you’ve grown cold. Tell him you’ve entertained other loves. Repent to your God for not loving him as he deserves. He stands ready to forgive and restore. Your High Priest will sympathize with you, therefore, “Let us come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16, KJV).

*3. Return*

Amazingly, God calls us to _return_ to where we once fell. He does not call us to make up for lost time and be a mile ahead of where we used to be. He calls us back to that fresh fire of love towards him and neighbor. It is a call to action. It is a call to return to the habits of grace. It is a command to keep ourselves in the love of God (Jude 21).

And beyond the standard means of grace, it is worth considering what makes your heart _sing_ for Jesus Christ. Is it long walks in nature, early mornings with your guitar, writing poetry, reading Christ-exalting fiction, diagramming philosophical arguments on the true nature of beauty, evangelizing college students?

What is it in this season? Prioritize it. The door is not locked, the story is not over. You can have a sweet relationship with God in Christ again. He has given you more breath so that you might use it to seek him, cry out to him, wait on him.

Show yourself on the horizon. He will run to you in due time.



Please return to the Lord.  Return to earnest, child-like faith in Christ and His death on the cross and His resurrection.  Return to prayer, fasting, Bible-reading, praise, worship.  Get rid of the crystals and manifesting (that's all counterfeit), put distractions away.  Focus on the Lord.  Pour out your heart to him (Psalm 62:8) in truth - don't leave anything out, be totally honest with the Lord.  Return to Jesus, please, for your own sake.  He loves you so much and has already proven that in His death and all the blessing He has given you that you may not be thinking of right now.  He has done the most important thing for you.  Bringing you and your husband together is a light thing for Him.

Any love you want from any human is a watered-down version of God's perfect love.  God IS love (1 John 4:8).  All the love you want and need is in Him.  

I don't say this to minimize your feelings, it's just that (apart from the truth that God is worthy of all love, honour and fidelity) if you can't receive love from the One who made you for His love, it's likely you won't be able to receive love from a man or that you will make an idol out of that man and the relationship will fail.  

The video @Shimmie posted was very encouraging.  I hope it helps you.
We're praying for you.  God bless.


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## Belle Du Jour

Hey ladies!  I'm doing some market research on a new program I'm creating and I'm looking for a few women to complete a short 10 minute questionnaire about dating in exchange for a free 30 minute Love Life Audit.  Please send me a DM with your e-mail if you're interested!


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## Maracujá




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## Rumbii

Hi all,
Kevin L.A Ewing has helped me a lot, may this help someone else


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## Lucia

Congratulations to Dephne what a beautiful bride.


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## Lucia

Rumbii said:


> Hi all,
> Kevin L.A Ewing has helped me a lot, may this help someone else


Been listening to him for a while now. He’s got some great insights. Doctrinally he’s off on some things but he’s opened my eyes  to the real game.


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## Rumbii

Lucia said:


> Been listening to him for a while now. He’s got some great insights. Doctrinally he’s off on some things but he’s opened my eyes  to the real game.


Hhhmm interesting. Where do you reckon he is off?


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## Lucia

Rumbii said:


> Hhhmm interesting. Where do you reckon he is off?


When he talks about not needing a “covering” and not having to be under any pastor or religious leader. He’s right in saying we should look at what pastors do and how they live because that affects their ability to preach the whole truth of the word and it also affects the sheep who follow him spiritually as well. But we need spiritual leaders, guidance, community and accountability with our faith Jesus established that so I’m going with JC over any self proclaimed Minister. Remember he’s never had hands laid on him by any other established religious leader elder etc nor has he formally studied theology or been ordained.
Those are 2 big ones not to be ignored I’m not saying he doesn’t have some good insight cause he does and he should share that insight as he is doing but maybe preaching against formal church fits his business model better. I’m just saying.


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## Rumbii

Lucia said:


> When he talks about not needing a “covering” and not having to be under any pastor or religious leader. He’s right in saying we should look at what pastors do and how they live because that affects their ability to preach the whole truth of the word and it also affects the sheep who follow him spiritually as well. But we need spiritual leaders, guidance, community and accountability with our faith Jesus established that so I’m going with JC over any self proclaimed Minister. Remember he’s never had hands laid on him by any other established religious leader elder etc nor has he formally studied theology or been ordained.
> Those are 2 big ones not to be ignored I’m not saying he doesn’t have some good insight cause he does and he should share that insight as he is doing but maybe preaching against formal church fits his business model better. I’m just saying.


Hi Lucia,
Thank you for your insight, I appreciate it.


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## newgrowth15

For all of the single ladies who wish to be married, ask yourself this question:  Is the man I hope to marry someone I can submit to with joy in my heart for the rest of my life?


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## sweetvi

Rumbii said:


> Hi all,
> Kevin L.A Ewing has helped me a lot, may this help someone else


I love this man. He has helped me in my spiritual journey. You should also check out Tiphanie Montgomery. She is also good


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## futureapl

futureapl said:


> Come to find out he had had a few conversations with our pastor about me. We eventually started dating and I could see that God was revealing the same things to him that he had been revealing to me. One day he calls me and told me that he wanted to cook for me the coming weekend. That Saturday comes and he asks me to meet him at the beach. When I arrived he had set up a picnic and had cooked salmon, tuna steak, roasted potatoes, green beans, and carrots everything was delicious. He had music playing in the background and we had a great conversation. He even bought me a journal (I take notes at church and that previous Sunday I had reached the last page of my journal. ). We sat by the water and he went to grab a blanket from the bushes and came back with the blanket and a bag. I turned around to open my gift and when I turned back around he was on one knee asking me to marry him.



Hi Ladies,

We celebrated our 5 year anniversary a few weeks ago. Don't compromise on what God has for you. Being single is a blessing just as being married is. During your single years, use this time to draw closer to God. When the right man comes He will let you know. 

We created a YouTube channel and talk about our marriage journey here.


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