# Proverbs 31 Woman duties/role as a Christian wife?



## stephluv (Sep 16, 2013)

I always hear about the Proverbs 31 woman! In the church we know what we need to do to be a good Christian but what about being a good Christian wife? How much do we submit? Can we even prepare ourselves now to be a good Christian wife? How about keeping ourselves attractive is it wrong to want to look nice and start learning to cook so you can feed your husband when you do meet him lol? *How do YOU keep a happy husband...please do tell for all us future help meets out here!*


I think I need to do more then just pray for my future husband...i need more ways to keep myself busy while I wait....we have pages and pages in the single Christian thread but maybe we need more married ladies input...its hard being positive sometimes to each other when we all want the same thing

@momi - is this what you wanted...i tend to vent in this forum

i just tagged a bunch of ppl please feel free to ask questions while these beautiful wives are still willing to answer them


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## momi (Sep 16, 2013)

Yes Stephluv!  I look forward to hearing everyone's responses.

This subject is near to my heart so I will chime in later as to not get all carried away.


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## sweetvi (Sep 16, 2013)

thanks...patiently waiting


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## Shimmie (Sep 16, 2013)

I love "Marriage" threads...  

Okay to answer all of your questions ... the answers are all YES! 

It's definitely okay to learn to cook, stay beautiful , learn how to manage a budget   and to save money.   All of those things you mentioned are wonderful to learn while you are PREPARING for your husband. 

Learn how to prepare delicious vegetarian meals.   As a woman of God married to a Man of God, you will both be sharing fasting and prayers for many reasons; especially Daniel Fasts.     It will be wonderful to have experience with vegetarian meals.    Your husband will rise up and call you .... 'Thank ya' Baby' :woohoo2: for that wonderful meal.  

But also for healthy reasons to keep him healthy.   

Take care of your skin......now.   And if you already have a skin regime going, step it up 3 notches.   You want to be ready... not anxious when your husband 'arrives' into your life.    

Esther was pampered and oiled for 12 months before she was presented to her King... her husband.     She glowed... with the love of God from within and from her skin without.   

Take care of your health.   Read and learn about men's health issues and ways of prevention.    Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you in what resources and specifics for you to focus upon. 

Get your 'house' (home) in order.  Get rid of all of the clutter.   Make a diagram of your home and designate where everything you own should be placed and kept where you can find it. 

Keep your cell phone charged.  Make this practice and select a station area where you will charge your phone each day or night.  

Okay, so what does the cell phone have to do with Marriage preparation?

Plenty!   

You are training yourself to be consistent with the important things, no matter how 'little' they may seem to others, it's important to you.   When your future husband sees that you have a pattern of consistency, he'll feel that he can rely upon you to keep him consistent as well. 

Practice picking up socks. 

Say what, Shimmie?  

Yes... practice picking up socks.    Get the attitude in check.  Socks are the first thing that men take off and will leave ANYWHERE they happen to remove them.    Be it the kitchen floor, living room sofa, the bedroom / bathroom floor.   It's what they do.  And this is what you will do...  

You may as well practice how you're going to sleep.   Do you wrap your hair or not wrap your hair?   Do you dare sleep with your hair unprotected?   Or do you protect your hair and risk giving him a scare...  

   

stephluv...  I can promise you that the Proverbs 31 Woman did not have a perfect husband... but she loved him and she decided years ago how to pick up his socks from the cave made floor.   

God love her and God indeed does love you.


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## momi (Sep 16, 2013)

Well Sis Shimmie has taken all of mine!  LOL

I will add to one of her beautiful suggestions: 

_Get your 'house' (home) in order. Get rid of all of the clutter. Make a diagram of your home and designate where everything you own should be placed and kept where you can find it. _

The P31 woman sees well to the ways of her household. She should strive to ensure that the practical things that her husband needs are always on hand.  For example - its not prudent to be running to Family Dollar every week purchasing a 4 pack of tissue.  Go ahead and invest in the things that your family will need like tissue, soap, detergent (toiletries) in large quantities.  Not only is it fiscally sound, but your husband will appreciate knowing that he will have the practical things he needs - organized and neatly put away.


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## Shimmie (Sep 16, 2013)

momi said:


> Well Sis Shimmie has taken all of mine!  LOL
> 
> I will add to one of her beautiful suggestions:
> 
> ...



Thanks momi... Amen.    You applied scripture perfectly to this.  

And you are right, it is prudent for wives to have the essentials always in plentiful supply.     "

Papa Bear" must never run out of Charmin Tissue... 







and Ladies....Papa Bear even says, "Mama Bear" is the 'Boss"  

He really said it... yep...    I know the 'bubble' below is empty, but he said it   Papa Bear says that Mama Bear is in charge.     






_“Like most guys, I like pretending that I’m the big bear of the house. But I know Molly is the bear in charge. We’re an awesome team, and we love to play games, watch movies, or grill out with our pack. We find time for family getaways, too. My road trip must-have? Charmin MegaRoll.”_


 Here's the link.  Click on Papa Bear's name and you'll see his admission that Mama is in charge.    

http://www.charmin.com/meet-the-bears.aspx


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## mrselle (Sep 16, 2013)

momi said:


> Well Sis Shimmie has taken all of mine!  LOL
> 
> I will add to one of her beautiful suggestions:
> 
> ...



I have a lot to share, but I wanted to touch on the bolded before I go to bed.  When DH and I first got married, I had no idea how to grocery shop.  The first few months we were married I was constantly going to the grocery store to pick up something that I needed before I could start cooking dinner.  DH was patient with me, but I learned later that it got on his nerves.  There is nothing that my husband loves more than a fully stocked home.  I buy toilet paper, napkins and paper towels in bulk.  I make sure that we always have his favorites on hand.  At this point I'm such a pro that a few years ago we had a snow storm that kept us from leaving the house for a few days (we live in the south, so the least little bit of snow we all act a little crazy and refuse to leave the house).  Anyway...I wasn't able to go out on the day that I usually grocery shop, but it didn't matter because I keep us stocked up on what we consider to be the essentials.   

I'll be back tomorrow with more.


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## momi (Sep 17, 2013)

mrselle said:


> I have a lot to share, but I wanted to touch on the bolded before I go to bed.  When DH and I first got married, I had no idea how to grocery shop.  The first few months we were married I was constantly going to the grocery store to pick up something that I needed before I could start cooking dinner.  DH was patient with me, but I learned later that it got on his nerves.  There is nothing that my husband loves more than a fully stocked home.  I buy toilet paper, napkins and paper towels in bulk.  I make sure that we always have his favorites on hand.  At this point I'm such a pro that a few years ago we had a snow storm that kept us from leaving the house for a few days (we live in the south, so the least little bit of snow we all act a little crazy and refuse to leave the house).  Anyway...I wasn't able to go out on the day that I usually grocery shop, but it didn't matter because I keep us stocked up on what we consider to be the essentials.
> 
> I'll be back tomorrow with more.



Honey - don't I know about how we act in the south over a teaspoon of snow. lol

You sound like a very wise P31 woman.


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## momi (Sep 17, 2013)

Take care not to effeminize your husband and understand that "opposites attract" because our Creator planned it that way.  


When woman was taken out of man he was asleep.  When he came to - and his woman was presented to him he exclaimed -  "At Last! Bone of my bone - flesh of my flesh" - recognizing all that was taken out of him was found inside of her. He recognized immediately that she had "something" that he was missing. 

We were meant to be different... to complement one another.  I'm cautioning against spending unnecessary time trying to "change" your husband; but rather allow the Holy Spirit to show you how to appreciate the God ordained differences between a man and wife.


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## stephluv (Sep 17, 2013)

I love "Marriage" threads... ME TOO!!! 





Shimmie said:


> *It's definitely okay to learn to cook, stay beautiful , learn how to manage a budget  and to save money*. All of those things you mentioned are wonderful to learn while you are *PREPARING *for your husband. Budget ok lol
> 
> *Learn how to prepare delicious vegetarian meals. As a woman of God married to a Man of God, you will both be sharing fasting and prayers for many reasons; especially Daniel Fasts. wow this is soooooooo true I LOVE THIS ONE!!! *
> 
> ...


 


momi said:


> Well Sis Shimmie has taken all of mine! LOL
> 
> I will add to one of her beautiful suggestions:
> 
> ...


 
@Shimmie -I need more details on this house/home thing for the future...i mean your bathroom looks great...i'm stealing that idea...was your bathroom so "heavenly" with kids in the house?

@momi && mrselle-good advice I do agree to that...i like to buy things in bulks because we have a large household and really like to stock up so i have some training on that now lol Having 6 brothers will do that to you... I carry a mama bag now and I dont have kids 



momi said:


> *Take care not to effeminize your husband and understand that "opposites attract" because our Creator planned it that way. *
> 
> We were meant to be different... to complement one another. I'm cautioning against spending unnecessary time trying to "change" your husband; but rather allow the Holy Spirit to show you how to appreciate the God ordained differences between a man and wife.


 
*I agree but I pray that my husband wont have anything about him I would want to change lol Can you give examples of ways that you see wives effeminize their husbands?*

*One thing I have learned is to not embarrass your mate especially in public! Your husband has a mother and it isnt you so treat him like an equal...if he needs quidance then do so with kind words instead of lecturing*


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## Shimmie (Sep 17, 2013)

Take care of your hands...   

As a woman, our hands 'say' a lot... they actually speak volumes about us and what we are expressing or sharing with someone else.

The nail threads that we have on the forum may seem extreme to some, however, it says a lot 'Good' about the women who take time to care for their hands.   I truly admire them and have subscribed to the nail forum just to stay on top of the latest nail care advice.  It's invaluable.  :Rose:

Soooooooo, Let's be real... "Girl Talk' here... Sister to Sister.   

Men love our touch.   The slightest touch of our hands upon them 'moves' them.  

Our hands tell men a lot about us and men 'do' watch our hands.  

What do our hands say to a man?   Think about it :scratchch:

1.  Nervous  

2.  calm   

3.  Angry  

4.  contentious  

5.  excited   

6.  Talkative  

7.  flirty  :reddancer:

8.  shy  :blush3:

9.  salacious  

10. Tender  

The hands of a woman have a very strong message when they touch a man.  And I'm not relating to his 'private parts'     If you touch his face, that means 'tender'.   If you touch his arm it could mean flirty or teasing or a simple gesture of greeting.    It depends on the touch.  

However, when you are with the man the God has placed into your life, do you want him to see a 'claw' or a rose petal coming towards him?  

*Take care of your hands. * 

No need for expensive salon visits for manicures.  You can take care of your hands perfectly, if not better at home.   Weekly soaks in warm olive oil and / or coconut oil.  Keeping the cuticles neat with soft removers.   Keeping your skin soft and nails neatly filed.    Clear polish is fine for everyday, even better as it doesn't show color chips and your hands are always 'ready'  for 'show'.    

I have more about hands.  In all of my years of Dancing, I've learned that our hands really do speak  / express volumes.   They really make a difference in relationships, as they are a huge part of how we communicate our feelings.


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## Nice & Wavy (Sep 17, 2013)

momi said:


> *Well Sis Shimmie has taken all of mine!  LOL
> *
> I will add to one of her beautiful suggestions:
> 
> ...


Mine too....  She's good....

I totally agree with your post...a clean house is sooooooo important, and especially NO CLUTTER!!!


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## Nice & Wavy (Sep 17, 2013)

Proverbs 31 talks also about how "A man is known in the gates...."  Your husband will be known in his neighborhood, Church, etc. because of how you take care of him.  The reason being is that he will always talk to others about how you take care of him so when people see you, they will remember "him" and how blessed he is to have you!

Preparing now for your husband is a great thing.  One thing I would say is that your relationship with the Lord is what is going to draw him to you.  Also, placing yourself in a position to be an example like "Ruth", will certainly cause your "Boaz" to see you!

Cooking is very important...men like to eat!  Make special dinners for him that will make him smile.  If you don't know what to cook, there are thousands of recipes on this forum as well as online.  I love "Divascancook.com"  Her website is nice and her recipes are really, really good.  I've made a few things from her and my husband just ..everytime.

Keeping his clothes clean and smelling good.  Take the clothes to the dry cleaners (ie: shirts, suits, pants...etc.) and make sure that you don't have to ask him "do you need your stuff cleaned" just do it and make sure every time he goes into the closet, he has clean clothes to put on.  Make sure to press whatever he needs too.

Don't fuss with him when he wants to watch sports.  Let him watch...he could be doing 'other' things that would make you unhappy, so sports can actually be a great thing.  Make it a get together for him....have him invite some of his friends over and make some Hors d'oeuvre's and make enough that they can eat and be filled.  Have some delicious lemonade or sweet tea available for them and your husband will be happy....

A happy man wants to be at home with his wife.  But, he should also fellowship with his peers so that he can miss you.  He will come home and be '' happy....

It's not all about just your mate being happy....you will get the benefits of it and you will be filled....trust me.


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## Nice & Wavy (Sep 17, 2013)

Shimmie said:


> Take care of your hands...
> 
> As a woman, our hands 'say' a lot... they actually speak volumes about us and what we are expressing or sharing with someone else.
> 
> ...


Yes girl and keep them toes tight...men like pretty feet and polished toes AND toes that are bare but buffed and trimmed nicely.  My dh loves when I wear my toes with no polish...


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## momi (Sep 17, 2013)

stephluv said:


> I love "Marriage" threads... ME TOO!!!
> 
> 
> *I agree but I pray that my husband wont have anything about him I would want to change lol Can you give examples of ways that you see wives effeminize their husbands?*
> ...



<<Tee-hee>>> We have counseled more than our share of couples and I can tell you for sure that if there is nothing you are not tempted to "change" then you will be an anomaly   No really - God is able.

Ways I notice women try to effeminize their husbands? 

I'm having a hard time being as candid as I need to be -  feeling a bit guarded on LHCF these days.  I've typed and deleted about 5 times.  

Lord help me - I'll be back.


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## Nice & Wavy (Sep 17, 2013)

Shimmie said:


> 1.  Nervous
> 
> 2.  calm
> 
> ...


 Love this.....


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## Nice & Wavy (Sep 17, 2013)

momi said:


> <<Tee-hee>>> We have counseled more than our share of couples and I can tell you for sure that if there is nothing you are not tempted to "change" then you will be an anomaly   No really - God is able.
> 
> Ways I notice women try to effeminize their husbands?
> 
> ...


Girl....tell it!


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## LadyPBC (Sep 17, 2013)

love this - thanks!  I've got some work to do especially as it pertains to keeping my home in order.  I can never keep it together.


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## Nice & Wavy (Sep 17, 2013)

LadyPBC said:


> love this - thanks!  I've got some work to do especially as it pertains to keeping my home in order.  I can never keep it together.


My husband and I have counseled so many couples and this is one of the areas the husbands complain about.  We can't stress enough of how this is so important....

Do a little bit every day.  By the time Saturday comes around, you are only doing a little and you have more time for him and to pamper yourself.

When I worked outside the home, I would come home in the evening and do a little bit of housework...whether it was dusting, vacuuming, or a load of laundry.  I made sure to use that time as an extension of my work day and then I would rest.  By the time Saturday rolled around, I would do very little...usually sweeping and mopping and then I was done.  The house was clean and I could just rest and relax.

You have to get into a pattern of always doing it weekly that way, you are not overwhelmed with doing so much on one day....


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## momi (Sep 17, 2013)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Proverbs 31 talks also about how "A man is known in the gates...."  Your husband will be known in his neighborhood, Church, etc. because of how you take care of him.  The reason being is that he will always talk to others about how you take care of him so when people see you, they will remember "him" and how blessed he is to have you!
> 
> Preparing now for your husband is a great thing.  One thing I would say is that your relationship with the Lord is what is going to draw him to you.  Also, placing yourself in a position to be an example like "Ruth", will certainly cause your "Boaz" to see you!
> 
> ...



Very well written!  Love these.


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## momi (Sep 17, 2013)

Shimmie said:


> Take care of your hands...
> 
> As a woman, our hands 'say' a lot... they actually speak volumes about us and what we are expressing or sharing with someone else.
> 
> ...





Oh my - clutching the pearls with my hands.  

You have taken me to school with this! HANDS101  I've never thought about the language we are speaking with our hands.


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## Laela (Sep 17, 2013)

Nice thread... I third the motion on a clean house... it doesn't matter if it is a 700 sq ft apartment or a mansion.. a clean home is a clean home and reflects a caring heart...


Nice & Wavy said:


> Mine too....  She's good....
> 
> I totally agree with your post...a clean house is sooooooo important, and especially NO CLUTTER!!!


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## stephluv (Sep 17, 2013)

Shimmie said:


> Take care of your hands...
> 
> 
> No need for expensive salon visits for manicures. You can take care of your hands perfectly, if not better at home. Weekly soaks in warm olive oil and / or coconut oil. Keeping the cuticles neat with soft removers. Keeping your skin soft and nails neatly filed. Clear polish is fine for everyday, even better as it doesn't show color chips and your hands are always 'ready' for 'show'. good info will add this to my regime
> ...


we want more info Shimmie we are sooo in sync!!! lol I was just looking up ways to keep my hands looking younger this morning!!!!



Nice & Wavy said:


> Proverbs 31 talks also about how "A man is known in the gates...." Your husband will be known in his neighborhood, Church, etc. because of how you take care of him. The reason being is that he will always talk to others about how you take care of him so when people see you, they will remember "him" and how blessed he is to have you! ooookk!!!
> 
> Preparing now for your husband is a great thing. One thing I would say is that your relationship with the Lord is what is going to draw him to you. Also, placing yourself in a position to be an example like "Ruth", will certainly cause your "Boaz" to see you! hmm and i'm studying the book of Ruth now! i may need a pm on how to position myself as an example lol
> 
> ...


 


Nice & Wavy said:


> Yes girl and keep them toes tight...men like pretty feet and polished toes AND toes that are bare but buffed and trimmed nicely. My dh loves when I wear my toes with no polish...


Nice & Wavy - i havent had bare toes in yrs!!! I get my feet done atleast mthly I'll try this one wk lol well atleast the clear lol Men do like pretty hands and feet...and soft skin (even when shaking my hand i USE to get compliments ) i do get alot of compliments about my feet even when their swollen when i'm hot lol



Nice & Wavy said:


> My husband and I have counseled so many couples and *this is one of the areas the husbands complain about*. We can't stress enough of how this is so important....
> 
> Do a little bit every day. By the time Saturday comes around, you are only doing a little and you have more time for him and to pamper yourself.
> You have to get into a pattern of always doing it weekly that way, you are not overwhelmed with doing so much on one day....


 
Thanks Laela - there we have it ladies!! KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN LOL if someone can tell me how to organize all my shoes life would be much easier in my room lol


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## Galadriel (Sep 17, 2013)

stephluv said:


> I always hear about the Proverbs 31 woman! In the church we know what we need to do to be a good Christian but what about being a good Christian wife? How much do we submit? Can we even prepare ourselves now to be a good Christian wife? How about keeping ourselves attractive is it wrong to want to look nice and start learning to cook so you can feed your husband when you do meet him lol? *How do YOU keep a happy husband...please do tell for all us future help meets out here!*
> 
> 
> I think I need to do more then just pray for my future husband...i need more ways to keep myself busy while I wait....we have pages and pages in the single Christian thread but maybe we need more married ladies input...its hard being positive sometimes to each other when we all want the same thing
> ...



Wow, stephluv, Proverbs 31 was one of the passages read at my wedding .

In regards to your question, I believe the root word for "obey" means to "listen to" or "give deference to," in the sense that we are to respect our husbands' input, feedback, requests, and advice. Usually when we hear the word "obey," we immediately imagine someone cowering or not thinking for herself and merely being told what to do. True obedience (in this particular context) means to respect, listen to, and give weight to our husbands and what they communicate to us. Now, it obviously goes without saying if a husband communicates something foolish, harmful, or immoral that it is not to be heeded or considered.

Being a Christian wife for me has two important meanings. It's my vocation or life-calling, to be my husband's partner, lover, and best friend, and it is also a call for me to be a mother. Our union, a reflection of the love of God, is meant to be life-giving and fruitful.

In practical terms (as far as our day-to-day operations go), depending on our circumstances, strengths and personalities, we carry out different duties or responsibilities to run our household and rear the children.

Being happy in a marriage needs to have more depth--you need to have joy, even in the midst of hardship or sacrifice. There are days you're going to disagree or argue, or have miscommunication, or even be annoyed . However, having a solid foundation, knowledge of each other's strengths and weaknesses, and a firm commitment, will help you.

As far as preparation, there's nothing wrong with wanting to hone your cooking skills, dressing nice, etc., but just remember that your goal should be to develop yourself on all levels (physically, mentally, spiritually) as a complete person, regardless if you find "the one." In my view, it's not two halves making a whole, but 1+1=1 you are a complete person, and he should be a complete person, and you two will merge as one in marriage. you'll be of one flesh, mind, and heart.


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## Galadriel (Sep 17, 2013)

Oh my, reading the other ladies' responses, I feel like I went off on a tangent and just rambled  I hope what I've said has been of use.


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## Shimmie (Sep 17, 2013)

momi said:


> Oh my - clutching the pearls with my hands.
> 
> You have taken me to school with this! HANDS101  I've never thought about the language we are speaking with our hands.



One of most telling features of a woman is how she 'moves' her hands.  

Here's an exercise for each of you to try:  

Stand in front of a mirror and just be yourself.  Watch how your hand movements flow with your emotions.  You don't even have to think about it.  Your hands just naturally express (communicate) what you are feeling inside. 

For yourself, for your husband.....Take special care of your hands...


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## Shimmie (Sep 17, 2013)

More on Hands:

The Bible says, "A soft answer turns away wrath'.     And it does.  

Soft hands can turn a man's heart... 

My next post is: 

Loving Hands that Say, I Love You.  :Rose:  

I'll be back later tonight


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Sep 17, 2013)

I was just sitting back enjoying this thread ...but since I was tagged okay here goes.

In my observation many women put a great deal of effort into their appearance hair, dress make-up etc., and once they get married everything goes to pot. Remember your physical appearance is one of the things that made you attractive to your husband.

I'm not saying to wear full make up every day (honestly some men don't like make-up) but we can still look good, dragging slippers with crusty heels and nails that needed to be filled two months ago, a weave that looks like a birds nest or a quick run to the store in a sleep cap, uh uh .

Keep it simple healthy and looking good and while we continue to work on our outward appearance let make sure inside 'the cup' looks good too and I'm not only speaking about health but keeping free from gossip and sarcasm, jealousy envy, greed, coveting and the like and practice the fruit of the spirit 



“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22)


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## Maracujá (Sep 17, 2013)

This is such a timely and insightful thread, thank you for the tag! Here's my problem: time. Where do I find the time to do all these things? I was listening to Nancy Leigh Demoss' sermon on 'lies women believe' and she said that if Jesus had time to do his ministry in three years then you too have time to handle your business in the amount of time you have. She went on to say that one of the many lies women believe is that we don't have enough time to do all we have to do. A 40-year-old co-worker of mine wakes up every single day at 5am to take her teenage kids to school and take care of her home before starting work around (the after)noon. I have no children but already wake up every day at 6am to handle my business and since I don't have a car it takes me HOURS to get it all done which leaves little time for self-pampering. The latter is a luxury at my place...sorry for this long vent but I needed to let it out. 

So here's my question: how do you ladies manage your time?


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## stephluv (Sep 17, 2013)

Galadriel said:


> Wow, @stephluv, Proverbs 31 was one of the passages read at my wedding .
> 
> In regards to your question, *I believe the root word for "obey" means to "listen to" or "give deference to," in the sense that we are to respect our husbands' input, feedback, requests, and advice.*
> 
> ...


 
THANK YOU @Galadriel Your post was beautiful and very insightful I took alot from that! I have a question did you decide prior to marrying your husband the responsibilities and duties or did you 2 fall naturally into your roles? 


Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> I was just sitting back enjoying this thread ...but since I was tagged okay here goes. did i do that
> 
> In my observation many women put a great deal of effort into their appearance hair, dress make-up etc., and once they get married everything goes to pot. *Remember your physical appearance is one of the things that made you attractive to your husband.*
> 
> *keeping free from gossip and sarcasm, jealousy envy, greed, coveting and the like and practice the fruit of the spirit*


 
@Iwanthealthyhair67 so true...i have been trying to be that kind, loving, joyous, gentle woman...being around women who are less ratchet has helped



Maracujá said:


> This is such a timely and insightful thread, thank you for the tag! Your welcome! Here's my problem: time. Where do I find the time to do all these things? I was listening to Nancy Leigh Demoss' sermon on 'lies women believe' and she said that if *Jesus had time to do his ministry in three years then you too have time to handle your business in the amount of time you have. *
> 
> So here's my question: how do you ladies manage your time?


 
@Maracujá - we are in the same boat! I'm a commuter with no car so most of my day is gone by the time i get home but like @Laela mentioned we have to do things little by little - kinda like we're conditioning ourselves so its more out of habit then neccessity


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## Britt (Sep 17, 2013)

stephluv thanks for tagging me !!!!! 

YESSSSSSSSSSSS this is so timely. I'm getting out of a relationship and I know some areas I need to work on. I've prayed on it, I need help being more tidy and organized. I'm very cluttered and I get incredibly overwhelmed with organizing. My SO was a pro at this, almost OCD about it. Oddly enough, my mind is focused and right but organizing and putting things in their right place has always been an issue for me. I'd like to become more domestic. I'm so used to having my own space, and I've lived alone for 5 years that I'm used to my mess. This fall and winter I want to try to learn to also cook more dishes. 

So my goals are to become more domesticated and disciplined. I need discipline when it comes to exercising.


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## sweetvi (Sep 17, 2013)

Enjoyed the responses.......
One other important thing I've seen and heard was to not let anyone into your relationship.  Most people are not happy for your marriage.  They can fill your head with negative seeds and cause division. 

Continously pray and fast for your marriage...........


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## Galadriel (Sep 17, 2013)

stephluv said:


> THANK YOU @Galadriel Your post was beautiful and very insightful I took alot from that! I have a question did you decide prior to marrying your husband the responsibilities and duties or did you 2 fall naturally into your roles?



We participated in pre-marital counseling through our church, which helped us sort it out .


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## mrselle (Sep 17, 2013)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> I was just sitting back enjoying this thread ...but since I was tagged okay here goes.
> 
> In my observation many women put a great deal of effort into their appearance hair, dress make-up etc., and once they get married everything goes to pot. Remember your physical appearance is one of the things that made you attractive to your husband.
> 
> ...



I agree.  There is a thread in the OT forum that talks about this.  It may be a bit extreme for some people, but I have taken a few tips from that thread and it does make a difference.  For instance, I've started wearing more dresses during the week.  I'm a SAHM mom, but I've found some dresses that are cute, comfortable and somewhat practical for me.  One day I put on a dress to take the kids to shopping for school.  I walked into my husband's office before we left to tell him bye and he did a double take and gave me a huge smile.  He was on the phone with a co-worker, but he whispered to me that I looked good and gave me a kiss and a "pat" before I walked out.  All that over a blue dress and a cream colored belt.


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## mrselle (Sep 17, 2013)

Maracujá said:


> This is such a timely and insightful thread, thank you for the tag! Here's my problem: time. Where do I find the time to do all these things? I was listening to Nancy Leigh Demoss' sermon on 'lies women believe' and she said that if Jesus had time to do his ministry in three years then you too have time to handle your business in the amount of time you have. She went on to say that one of the many lies women believe is that we don't have enough time to do all we have to do. A 40-year-old co-worker of mine wakes up every single day at 5am to take her teenage kids to school and take care of her home before starting work around (the after)noon. I have no children but already wake up every day at 6am to handle my business and since I don't have a car it takes me HOURS to get it all done which leaves little time for self-pampering. The latter is a luxury at my place...sorry for this long vent but I needed to let it out.
> 
> So here's my question: *how do you ladies manage your time?*



I am learning to do a little bit at a time.  I've found that some chores don't take as long as I think they will.  For example, I am in the middle of cleaning out a few closets in our home.  I cleaned out my stepdaughter's closet in less than thirty minutes and cleaned and organized the linen closet in one of the bathrooms in 10 minutes.  We have a nice size home and with three kids I can't clean it all in a day.  But, if I work on certain rooms, certain days of the week that helps me stay on top of things.  I think Nice & Wavy talked about this too.


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## momi (Sep 17, 2013)

Maracujá said:


> This is such a timely and insightful thread, thank you for the tag! Here's my problem: time. Where do I find the time to do all these things? I was listening to Nancy Leigh Demoss' sermon on 'lies women believe' and she said that if Jesus had time to do his ministry in three years then you too have time to handle your business in the amount of time you have. *She went on to say that one of the many lies women believe is that we don't have enough time to do all we have to do*. A 40-year-old co-worker of mine wakes up every single day at 5am to take her teenage kids to school and take care of her home before starting work around (the after)noon. I have no children but already wake up every day at 6am to handle my business and since I don't have a car it takes me HOURS to get it all done which leaves little time for self-pampering. The latter is a luxury at my place...sorry for this long vent but I needed to let it out.
> 
> So here's my question: how do you ladies manage your time?


 
I'll tread lightly here... 

I believe there is strong Biblical support for a wife to be a keeper at home with her primary responsibilities centered around her home.  

Having the responsibility of keeping a home and all that it truly entails AND full time job outside of the home is a lot to ask.  Too much to ask in my opinion.

Secondly, there is something that happens to a man when he understands that he carries the sole financial responsibility of his family. It forces them to un- earth gifts that they may have not put to use.  Necessity breeds invention.


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## momi (Sep 17, 2013)

mrselle said:


> I agree.  There is a thread in the OT forum that talks about this.  It may be a bit extreme for some people, but I have taken a few tips from that thread and it does make a difference.  For instance, I've started wearing more dresses during the week.  I'm a SAHM mom, but I've found some dresses that are cute, comfortable and somewhat practical for me.  One day I put on a dress to take the kids to shopping for school.  I walked into my husband's office before we left to tell him bye and he did a double take and gave me a huge smile.  He was on the phone with a co-worker, but he whispered to me that I looked good and gave me a kiss and a "pat" before I walked out.  _*All that over a blue dress and a cream colored belt.  *_



Yes!


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## Shimmie (Sep 17, 2013)

More on Hands:

The Bible says, "A soft answer turns away wrath'.     And it does.  

Soft hands can turn a man's heart... 


*Loving Hands that Say, I Love You. * :Rose:  

:Rose:  Extending your hands (softly) to pray for and with him

:Rose:  Extending your hands to let him help you (from the car, down the stairs, etc.)  Let him help you.  Men need to feel that you 'need' him and that you respect his 'abilities'.  

:Rose:  Tying his tie.   (Learn to tie a tie...  )

:Rose:  Brushing your hair  (Husbands love to watch you do this)  

:Rose:  Making his favorite snack.  

:Rose:  Bring him a huge glass or mug of his favorite juice or ice water, while he is 'lost' in the football or basketball game.  

:Rose:  Bring him a glass of water for his vitamins in a crystal goblet.  Show him that he's more important than your special glassware that you have on display or that you save for company or special occasions.   "Hubby" is the Special Occasion... always.  

:Rose:  Going for a walk together?  Hold hands.   

:Rose:  At the 'Drive thru'?  Take one of his fries, and feed it to him. 

:Rose:  When he has a victory, clap for him; be his greatest cheer leader. Reach up with those beautiful hands and give him a 'double high five'.  

:Rose:  Never, ever point your fingers in nor towards his face.  Never   Never  

:Rose: When communicating something with him, use your hands, soft open palm at an angle and gesture with your hands, away from him, not using your fingers to point at him.    Pointing says, 'You are the blame...not me'. 

:Rose:  After a long hard day at work or a family struggle or a disagreement with his boss or his staff.     Bring him a warm towel after he has taken a shower and wrap him in it.   Cause he's your 'Boo'... him is your 'Sweet Baby'.   As you 'wrap him, tuck the towel in the back and while standing behind him, hug him from behind.... whisper in his ear, 

_'Baby... I got your back' _

There's so much more... 

I have a Marriage thread (a fun thread for WIVES) in here somewhere.  It goes way back. "For Wives Only".  It's a really fun thread for Marriage.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Sep 17, 2013)

Being a wife is definitively a full time job, the working mom or housewife it's a job within a job...praying for you wives the responsibility is great and not to be taken lightly.


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## sweetvi (Sep 18, 2013)

Shimmie
This brings back memories.  I remember my exes noted that they knew I was pulling back when I no longer reached out to touch them, pat their back or hold their hands.  LOL
The power of touch!


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## Highly Favored8 (Sep 18, 2013)

stephluv-thank you for this thread. Ladies thank you for all of your inputs.


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## stephluv (Sep 18, 2013)

@Successfulmiss - in another thread you mentioned that while celibate for a few years prior to marrying your husband you were given a vision that you would one day marry.... did that vision encourage you to "prepare" for marriage? if so do you have any tips for us ladies

mrselle- yes i also have read the other thread and i'm learning some stuff for there too I must say that some of the most feminine females i know are Christians.... its all really coming together for me as my walk with God grows that i'm also getting more in tune with being the Wo-man for my "Adam"


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## LucieLoo12 (Sep 18, 2013)

I seen I was tagged . I am not a wife yeeeett, but will be soon. 

But as far as naturally I have been preparing myself by cooking more  I've never been a big cooker because of a lack of time. But I've been working on it . Thank God FH is a great cook 

I am trying to loose those last 10 pounds, but I don't know yet. It seems like when I'm nervous, I eat more ...

But honestly, I am preparing myself more spiritually than anything. Preparing myself to submit to my husband and have that meek and gentle spirit with him. Really wanting to be more like Christ. I know that I can be a good cook, lover, housekeeper etc, but if I don't have the nature and mannerisms of Christ, it's all in vain. Me and FH fast together and get in the word together to make sure our minds are right concerning the roles we are about to take on. I am not ignorant of that my whole life is about to change. I have to know fight now not to focus so much on the wedding planning, but making sure my heart is right. 

I am looking to add to my husband, I really am. I've seen so many nit picking complaining wives and I can not let that be me  Yall pray for me.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Sep 18, 2013)

The most important thing is to pray. Pray with your husband and for your husband. 

*Pray:* 

*that temptations will be removed before they can ever become part of his mind, heart, or experience
*that God will show you what he needs/desires and that God will enable you to fulfill those needs/desires EVERY day with a happy heart
*that God will bless the intimacy in your marriage. Do not use sex as a weapon or tool to get what you want. Do not use it to manipulate or wield power. Sex in marriage is a very beautiful thing and God is honored when we enjoy that intimacy with our spouse. God wants our sex lives to excellent.
*that God will bless you to enjoy being a wife, enjoy spending time with your husband, and bless you to find joy in submitting to and serving him
*that God will enable you to dress and carry yourself in a manner that your husband finds enthralling, honorable, dignified, and beautiful. 
*that God will fill you with the desire to put your husband first in your life after God (yes, this means your husband comes before your children)
*that God will bless you and your husband with much fruit (children) and that He will give you both the same heart an desire for children that He has
*that God will give you the right words, countenance, body language when your husband is sharing his heart with you. Men are a lot more sensitive than we often think. They find it very disrespectful when they choose to share and we don't listen. Even a negative or blank facial expression can be perceived as disinterest or disrespect
*that God gives you genuine words of praise for your husband and the opportunities to lavish him with those words. Men seek to be respected and admired by their wives. To them, that is love. The words of praise that he needs to hear every day should come foremost from your mouth as his wife. The last thing you want is for him to get the praise he needs so badly from the world and especially not from female coworkers. 
*that God will show you when to speak and when to listen. Ask God to give you the right words for your husband at all times but especially when you two are in a disagreement or when you are angry with him. Pray and ask God for the right timing and words before you share something with you husband that pertains to him having displeased you
*Thank God for your husband EVERY day, thank God for his work ethic and the way he takes care of your family.
*as God to bless you to view your husband through God's eyes
*that God enable you to make the home a haven for your husbands spirit. That your home and your presence will be so pleasing to him that he'll be sad to leave in the morning and overjoyed to return home at night.

*DO:*

*Send him flowers (men seldom get these and they are very sensitive/appreciative os such gestures. They want to feel loved just as much if not more than we do)
*Be gentle with his heart. Don't laugh at his dreams/desires. When he speaks negatively of himself, share your heart with him about why those things are untrue. Tell him all of the positive things you see in him (you'll be able to do this even when you are angry with  him if you are consistently praying that God will enable you to view him the same way God does).
*Touch him. Rub his back, rub his feet, run your finger through his hair. Men need touch that is and also isn't just related to sex. It reminds them that you find them attractive and irresistible. They need to feel desired by YOU. His desire for human touch needs to be primarily filled by YOU.
*Kiss him. Not them tiny, quick pecks either. *KISS* him and make his toes curl. 
*Feed him with good food made from your own hands. Put down the heavily processed, frozen foods. Feed him! Oh, and serve his plate too, even when you are in the company of others. 
*keep the home in order 
*never call a repair man before you have spoken to your husband--men like to men and many men will not a repair man immediately. Men like to be responsible for their own castle and they want their wives to depend on them and trust their instincts. While following this tip, also pray that God gives your husband wisdom!
*I am a stay at home wife and mother, so I run whatever errands I can to help my husband out. I also try to minimize errands that I ask him to run because he works a lot of hours. However, the more God blessed me to be mindful of hubby's needs in this area, the more God blessed me by having hubby offer to help me! Every evening without fail, he will call before he leaves work and ask if there is anything I need him to get/do on the way home. He could be dog tired but he'll call and ask. If I need something he takes care of it with a good attitude. This is a tremendous blessing to me and it shows how God meets our needs when we meet the needs of others. 
*Tell him you love him
*wear his favorite perfume, hairstyle, dress, lingerie,....etc. It lets him know that you value his opinion
*Let your compliments far outweigh your criticisms
*Listen, listen, listen
*Don't nag. Ask God to give you favor with your husband.
*realize men need social time with other men. Don't be the wife who hates his friends and is unwelcoming. If he is having friends over put in the same effort you would put in if you were having friends over. His friend matter to him just like your matter to you. If they are watching sports and you are not participating in that, then make snacks and prepare a nice spread of food and drinks. Show Christian love and hospitality. Plus, if you home is the preferred gathering place (I am talking about a normal amount of social gathering and not excess) then you know what's going on and that their is Christian influence in your own home. Pray that God blesses your husband with Christian male friends who can serve as accountability partners, as well as an older Christian male as a mentor. 
*If your husband loves sports, watch with him or go to the game with him. Try to get involved where you can/where it's appropriate in the things he enjoys. Men respond to that and you'll see him make an effort to get involved in the pastimes you enjoy as well.
*Smile at him EVERY day--the type of smile that makes your eyes sparkle and shows true joy. Just look at the wonderful man you married and admire him--the way he looks, his strong hands, his strong shoulders. Let him see the love you have for him in your eyes.
*When he is sick simply take care of him without complaining or making fun of how he may make a cold seem like the loss of a limb. Remember their hearts and feelings are really quite fragile. Men seldom let others see them in vulnerable positions. So...when he makes a mountain out the molehill of a cold that he has...he is really showing that he trusts you and loves you very much. He is willing to be vulnerable with you and is trusting you with his heart. Don't laugh at him even if you really want to. Just love on him and baby him a bit. He'll appreciate it and will bounce back faster. 
*Let him protect you. You are under your husband's covering. Men have God-given protective instincts. When he expresses a concern for you or the children take it seriously and do what he asks.


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## AtlantaJJ (Sep 18, 2013)

Shimmie said:


> Take care of your hands...
> 
> As a woman, our hands 'say' a lot... they actually speak volumes about us and what we are expressing or sharing with someone else.
> 
> ...



This is CLASSIC! Thank you Shimmie


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## AtlantaJJ (Sep 18, 2013)

Blackpearl1993 said:


> The most important thing is to pray. Pray with your husband and for your husband.
> 
> *Pray:*
> 
> ...



I need to print this and the entire thread! 

This entire thread is incredible and full of wisdom!


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## sweetvi (Sep 18, 2013)

It's a sticky yayyyyyyyyyyyy


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## Laela (Sep 18, 2013)

Hmmmmmmm, Shimmmie...and I thank you. I'll try that.  lol I'm very expressive with my hands when I talk, so much so sometimes DH follows my hands with his head while I talk so that I notice and realize what I'm doing..  



Shimmie said:


> One of most telling features of a woman is how she 'moves' her hands.
> 
> Here's an exercise for each of you to try:
> 
> ...




Galadriel... Blackpearl1993, I really enjoyed your posts, ladies!!   Thanks for sharing...


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## Nice & Wavy (Sep 18, 2013)

Laela said:


> Hmmmmmmm, Shimmmie...and I thank you. I'll try that.  lol I'm very expressive with my hands when I talk, so much so sometimes *DH follows my hands with his head while I talk* so that I notice and realize what I'm doing..
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Shimmie (Sep 18, 2013)

*Totally Classic!  BlackPearl1993 ... Pearls of Wisdom*



Blackpearl1993 said:


> The most important thing is to pray. Pray with your husband and for your husband.
> 
> *Pray:*
> 
> ...



CLASSIC!      Totally Classic!   Filled with Pearls of Wisdom.

Blackpearl1993... thank you for this blessing.


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## Divine. (Sep 18, 2013)

Thanks for tagging me stephluv! I love to hear from Christian wives. That way I can easily see what I need to work on. And from the looks of this thread, it seems like that's a lot


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## Shimmie (Sep 18, 2013)

Laela said:


> Hmmmmmmm, Shimmmie...and I thank you. I'll try that.  lol
> 
> *I'm very expressive with my hands when I talk, so much so sometimes DH follows my hands with his head while I talk so that I notice and realize what I'm doing..*
> 
> ...





Nice & Wavy said:


>



Oh my Goodness...  Laela, I'm telling you, our hands have wings, flying all over the place.     They move with the same rhythm of our words.    Men will watch our hands when we're talking.   

Hey, when a man starts backing up...it's not from a woman's breath.   

It's those hands a' flyin'.   He's moving out the way from getting hit...


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## Shimmie (Sep 18, 2013)

Nice & Wavy said:


>



I know......right?   Laela's comment about her hubby following her hands is a classic...


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## Incognitus (Sep 19, 2013)

Thanks for the tag stephluv

I'm not a wife yet, but I have been making a conscious effort to prepare for when I am one. I cook elaborate meals, just for  myself (so I can practice). I even learn to cook meals I'm not crazy about, but are traditional island dishes. I read up on common men's health issues and how food plays a role. I have started to adjust my beauty regimen for when I no longer sleep alone (i.e. bonnet vs wrap, oils/moisturizers that smell good, adding scented oils to my shampoo/conditioner....etc).


My father has always drilled into my head, the significance of a woman's hands. He said a woman's hands should be soft, neat, manicured, and inviting to the touch. I've noticed that when my  nails are long, my mannerisms change. I become more feminine in my body language. I know part of it is because I'm being careful not to chip my nail. However, the other aspect is that I _FEEL_ more feminine. When they're short, broken, or stubby, I'm a bit more rough. My movements don't seem as elegant.


A few of my dad's tips while growing up: (not really marriage related, but hey...I already typed it before I realized that) 
natural, neat, manicured, soft hands AND feet
natural (or natural looking), neat, clean hair
Always have lotion, safety pin, bobby pin, napkins, gum (or the likes), in your bag.
Be conscious of how you're sitting.
You eyes say a lot, be careful not to convey the wrong message.


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## sounbeweavable (Sep 19, 2013)

I'm not an expert by any means about the Bible or being a wife since I'm single and am only recently getting into the Bible seriously, but at church their interpretation of being submissive is that a woman should be submissive because she should marry a man worth being submissive to... meaning he's a good man and has enough heart, strength, and moral/common sense that you want to listen to him and don't have to correct him.

I like to think of myself as being an independent woman, but I like that idea. Being with a man who can give my mind a vacation from all of the planning and thinking because I trust and know he'll make good decisions would be nice.


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## stephluv (Sep 19, 2013)

LucieLoo12 said:


> I seen I was tagged . I am not a wife yeeeett, but will be soon.
> 
> But honestly, I am preparing myself more spiritually than anything. *Preparing myself to submit to my husband and have that meek and gentle spirit with him. Really wanting to be more like Christ. I know that I can be a good cook, lover, housekeeper etc, but if I don't have the nature and mannerisms of Christ, it's all in vain. *Me and FH fast together and get in the word together to make sure our minds are right concerning the roles we are about to take on. I am not ignorant of that my whole life is about to change. I have to know fight now not to focus so much on the wedding planning, but making sure my heart is right.
> 
> *I am looking to add to my husband, I really am.* I've seen so many nit picking complaining wives and I can not let that be me  Yall pray for me.


LucieLoo12 - your welcome I love that you and your FH fast together! I couldnt agree with your post more!



Blackpearl1993 said:


> The most important thing is to pray. Pray with your husband and for your husband.
> 
> *Pray:*
> 
> *DO:*


Blackpearl1993 - since thanks wasnt enough!! 



Divine. said:


> Thanks for tagging me @stephluv! I love to hear from Christian wives. That way I can easily see what I need to work on. And from the looks of this thread, it seems like that's a lot


 
Divine. Your welcome! We all can stand to improve and I know i have been...I was on the phone last night with my male friend and he complimented me on my mature conversation about my role as a Christian woman


Incognitus said:


> Thanks for the tag @stephluv
> 
> I'm not a wife yet, but I have been making a conscious effort to prepare for when I am one. I cook elaborate meals, just for myself (so I can practice). I even learn to cook meals I'm not crazy about, but are traditional island dishes. *I read up on common men's health issues and how food plays a role.* I have started to adjust my beauty regimen for when I no longer sleep alone (i.e. bonnet vs wrap, oils/moisturizers that smell good, adding scented oils to my shampoo/conditioner....etc).
> 
> ...


Incognitus - Your welcome! I want more details on the food and the mens health...another poster was speaking of this....we have more males in my fam with me having 6 brothers  Also good pt about being conscious of how you sit...I need to work on this since i seem to forget i can still sit like a lady while wearing pants



sounbeweavable said:


> I'm not an expert by any means about the Bible or being a wife since I'm single and am only recently getting into the Bible seriously, *but at church their interpretation of being submissive is that a woman should be submissive because she should marry a man worth being submissive to... meaning he's a good man and has enough heart, strength, and moral/common sense that you want to listen to him and don't have to correct him.*


 sounbeweavable - good info and i totally agree Thanks!


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## mrselle (Sep 19, 2013)

Incognitus said:


> Thanks for the tag stephluv
> 
> I'm not a wife yet, but I have been making a conscious effort to prepare for when I am one. I cook elaborate meals, just for  myself (so I can practice). I even learn to cook meals I'm not crazy about, but are traditional island dishes. I read up on common men's health issues and how food plays a role. I have started to adjust my beauty regimen for when I no longer sleep alone (i.e. bonnet vs wrap, oils/moisturizers that smell good, adding scented oils to my shampoo/conditioner....etc).
> 
> ...




Incognitus - I love that your dad shared tips with you while you were growing up.  It is always nice to get the dad's perspective on what attracts a man to a woman.  I find that what attracts a man and keeps a man can sometimes be different from what women think.


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## Shimmie (Sep 19, 2013)

Incognitus said:


> Thanks for the tag stephluv
> 
> I'm not a wife yet, but I have been making a conscious effort to prepare for when I am one. I cook elaborate meals, just for  myself (so I can practice). I even learn to cook meals I'm not crazy about, but are traditional island dishes. I read up on common men's health issues and how food plays a role. I have started to adjust my beauty regimen for when I no longer sleep alone (i.e. bonnet vs wrap, oils/moisturizers that smell good, adding scented oils to my shampoo/conditioner....etc).
> 
> ...



Incognitus... Your Dad is so special.    Thank him for confirming about a woman's hands.   Men have broken dates over a woman's hands being overly expressive or just plain tacky looking.    It really matters that we keep  our hands n check.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Sep 19, 2013)

mrselle said:


> I agree.  There is a thread in the OT forum that talks about this.  It may be a bit extreme for some people, but I have taken a few tips from that thread and it does make a difference.  For instance, I've started wearing more dresses during the week.  I'm a SAHM mom, but I've found some dresses that are cute, comfortable and somewhat practical for me.  One day I put on a dress to take the kids to shopping for school.  I walked into my husband's office before we left to tell him bye and he did a double take and gave me a huge smile.  He was on the phone with a co-worker, but he whispered to me that I looked good and gave me a kiss and a "pat" before I walked out.  All that over a blue dress and a cream colored belt.



It's interesting that you mentioned dresses specifically. My husband loves it when I wear dresses. I feel more feminine and beautiful in dresses than pants. I have actually been considering making the change to wearing primarily dresses and skirts (note: this is not for religious/spiritual reasons but personal preference of how I'd like to embrace femininity. My daughter also loves to wear dresses and she likes it when mommy wears them too). I think men like to see women wear dresses because it reminds them or our femininity and beauty as well.


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## Shimmie (Sep 19, 2013)

Blackpearl1993 said:


> It's interesting that you mentioned dresses specifically. My husband loves it when I wear dresses. I feel more feminine and beautiful in dresses than pants. I have actually been considering making the change to wearing primarily dresses and skirts (note: this is not for religious/spiritual reasons but personal preference of how I'd like to embrace femininity. My daughter also loves to wear dresses and she likes it when mommy wears them too). I think men like to see women wear dresses because it reminds them or our femininity and beauty as well.



Blackpearl1993 

I love dresses and long full skirts.  I love the way they 'float' with every movement. 

My Dad told me that men prefer to see a woman in dresses that are long as they look more appealing, more feminine.    I used to think that he was just saying that to keep me from wearing mini skirts  

Over the years I've learned that he was telling me the truth.   My Dad was saying that the less a woman shows a man, the longer he will stay interested.  

When a woman wears shorter garments, a man may look but he won't have to 'wonder what's under'.   He already has a full view.   In a longer skirt or dress, he'll continue to guess....


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## luthiengirlie (Sep 19, 2013)

this thread is BEYOND on time for me.. WHOOP WHOOP.. I am just so shocked.. when i was tagged my spirit said.. I needed this... thank you.. YHWH does all things in proper time


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## Blackpearl1993 (Sep 19, 2013)

I have already posted way too much, but I felt compelled to add:

If you are reading books pertaining to marriage and/or motherhood as you prepare for your blessing....just know that it is imperative that the books you read must be written from a Christian perspective. The world holds no wisdom for a child of God in relation to marriage and parenting. I will post some good book titles later, but if you pray and ask God to lead you in this area, He will lead you to the resources you need.


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## Maracujá (Sep 20, 2013)

sounbeweavable said:


> I'm not an expert by any means about the Bible or being a wife since I'm single and am only recently getting into the Bible seriously, but at church their interpretation of being submissive is that a woman should be submissive because she should marry a man worth being submissive to... meaning he's a good man and has enough heart, strength, and moral/common sense that you want to listen to him and don't have to correct him.
> 
> I like to think of myself as being an independent woman, but I like that idea. Being with a man who can *give my mind a vacation from all of the planning and thinking *because I trust and know he'll make good decisions would be nice.



THIS! The headaches I get from this


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## sweetvi (Sep 20, 2013)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW_DEn52IDU&feature=share&list=PL2A8703C1B5F9D79E

This is a woman's letter to women.  This video was whoa!!  I think it relates well to this topic..enjoy!


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## F8THINHIM (Sep 20, 2013)

Thank you so much for the tag @ Stephluv!  I am learning so much from reading this great thread.  
I am still new at this, so I will share what I have so far...

*13.  She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.*

I am personally challenged when it comes to sewing, knitting or things like this. But I found the knifty knitter.   At work, during breaks, lunch and any spare time, I knitted him the thickest, warmest scarf.  I presented him with this on a very cold winter day.  He was so deeply touched. 

*25. She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.*

*Laughter is sooo important.  *There have been so many stressful situations throughout our time together (family/in-laws/drama).  A lot of praying and wise Godly counsel have allowed me to get what I need to keep from telling him about what I really want to say about my in-laws . He knows I would be right, if I chose to go there. But I have learned to handle the situations that bring us (family) together with strength and dignity. We pray together for these times, and laughter (if you look real hard, you can find the humor) has carried us through.

26 *She speaks with wisdom, **and faithful instruction is on her tongue.*
I love to read and study.  My husband does also.  We don't always agree on issues.  I have learned not to stand-off in long debates.  I have learned to hold my peace until the opening for "golden nuggets of wisdom" presents itself.  The magic words:  So honey, what do you think?   

*20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. *
Hubby and I are both involved in inner-city missions.  This is what I did before I met him and this is where his heart is also.  Because it is our passion, we get to see each other in a different light.  There are times when I can see his chest swell or his eyes well up when he sees me in this light.
I believe developing your gifting and being where God has called you to is fulfilling, and therefore attractive to your mate/husband. 

As far as home goes, I am "tidy", but hubby is neat and organized.    We appreciate our differences.  But when he goes out on Monday nights to Men's Class, I spruce up the house. That has been my time to re-arrange or redecorate if it's a new season.  If not, I use that time to clean.  I take that time to go around the home worshipping, anointing, and  praying for him and our marriage, and any other prayer concerns the family has.  Then I light candles, play soft music, and set the mood for his return.  He appreciates that very much.

And meals?  I love to cook and we are getting into healthy eating habits. Hubby has a sweet tooth and loves junk food, and green smoothies were not working for him.   So the internet has been my best friend.  I have found great recipes that have him raving.  He doesn't always know what he's eating, but as long as it is presented well and tastes good, he is happy!  I make all of his doctor's appointments and send him. (He was never into this, but is happy to go now). 

We pray together and read devotionals together every day.  We have date night (Tuesdays - movies, bowling, walks in the park, reading in the car and listening to music, etc.), and get away once a month (Priceline/Hotwire- something cheap, nice and AWAY!).  I usually plan and he loves it.

One key thing I have learned also. PRAISE is so important.  I praise him in front of people when the opportunity presents itself. But I get extra kudos when I know he is in earshot of a conversation I am having (on the phone with my mother or someone) and I praise him and he doesn't know I know he is there.


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## momi (Sep 20, 2013)

F8THINHIM said:


> Thank you so much for the tag @ Stephluv!  I am learning so much from reading this great thread.
> I am still new at this, so I will share what I have so far...
> 
> *13.  She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.*
> ...



Hmm.... thanks for weighing in!

I need to work on this one - DH would love a getaway more often.


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## HWAY (Sep 20, 2013)

Thanks for the tag.
Keep your home tranquil and pesceful. Your husband should enjoy being home , away from the negativity prevalent in the world.
Never speak negatively about your husband or marriage to anyone. 
Don't alow negative thoughts against your husband or your marriag, even durung the rough times.
Always encourage your husband in his career pursuits or ministries.
Hold his hand, smile at him, tell him what a great man he is, pray with him and for him. 
Schedule date nights.
Take vacation together.
Live on less than you earn. My father always says there is nothing like a young couple who can't go out because they're broke and are sitting at home squabbling about money.


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## BlackHairDiva (Sep 21, 2013)

Lately, I've really been into home management,cleaning schedules and meal planning. As I was trying to figure out how I wanted to build my home management binder I stumbled on this lady... Her name is Saidah Washington and her channel is called A proverbs wife.


On her site, she has tons of free templates to be used for your home managment book. But what I love the most is that its all oriented based on the word of god!!! 


This sista also has a youtube channel. She has free templates that are printable that you can use in your home management binder. You just have to check out her things. I have and Im trying to make it a habit of being organized and on top of things so that when I do meet my husband and get married. I will be already a semi-pro.


*Look at her section called: A Proverbs Wife | Inspiration and resources for today's Proverbs 31 wives & women!*


Here are some of my favorite templates she has:

*http://aproverbswife.com/2013/01/31-days-of-praying-for-biblical-character.html*

http://aproverbswife.com/2012/08/16-free-homemaking-binder-resources.html

http://aproverbswife.com/category/proverbs-wife/faith


Her youtube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/4hadias/videos


She has lots of marriage tips as well.


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## sweetvi (Sep 22, 2013)

Wow. I'm at work and can only skim but these pages are excellent!!!!  Thanks. Will definetely check her out when I get a chance!


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## BlackHairDiva (Sep 22, 2013)

here is one great one:







I will print this and put it on my wall.


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## stephluv (Sep 23, 2013)

Okkkk soooo ladies!!!! All wknd somehow everywhere I went someone was talking about being single and waiting and praying!  You ever have that feeling that they talking to you but your wondering how they knew what was tormenting you lol I'm like really G-o-D dont be putting my bizness on front street  *Anyways sooo have any of the wives or engaged or even dating ladies prayed and fasted for their mate to come? I understand praying for your family now but what about praying before. I mean like seriously prayed and fasted....I'll throw in a prayer for my future husband but I never focused on just that before  *

I dont even know if I know where to start lol Before I just didnt care who I talked to cause I was NOT marriage minded at all Nowadays esp since I told God to put that veil on me I am sooo not into anyone I'm kinda like dang umm I am being too picky now lol I have a few suitors but i'm like nope I'm not attracted to you, nope your not a man of God, nope i'm gonna be too much for you to handle, etc. *Is it going to be something I just know and feel? *i'm atleast expecting instant attraction physically tho I tend to steer away from those to appealing to the eye lol Too much headaches for this newbie


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## HWAY (Sep 23, 2013)

I prayed for a man who truly loved God. I told Him what qualities I was looking for and I told Him I knew I was not meant to be single.


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## F8THINHIM (Sep 23, 2013)

I prayed the prayer Shimmie posted in another thread.  I can't find it right now,    but hopefully Shimmie will remind us.


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## Shimmie (Sep 23, 2013)

F8THINHIM said:


> I prayed the prayer Shimmie posted in another thread.  I can't find it right now,    but hopefully Shimmie will remind us.



Praise God... Congratulations on your Marriage.  

Well it wasn't me or my prayer, it was God using your faith... in ... HIM that got it answered. 

I'm so happy for you.


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## Shimmie (Sep 23, 2013)

The One prayer that is always answered... 

_"Holy Spirit, please show me how to fix this?"_

How does that apply to Marriage?  Easy   Asking the Lord to 'fix' what's incomplete in your life.   How to 'fix' what's hindering your dreams of Marriage.  Then just be still and know that God is God.  

He always is...


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## Highly Favored8 (Sep 25, 2013)

Shimmie's prayer she blessed us with 

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=96564&highlight=prayers+for+marriage


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## stephluv (Oct 2, 2013)

I said Shimmies prayer...........no shame in my game! 

SN: Sooo I saw this on FB 

*Ask yourself...will the man or woman you're about to marry draw you closer to God?...or push you farther away? *
*If the answer isn't "closer," you're about to make biggest, most disastrous mistake of your life.*

Any comments beautiful wives and wives to be? I only ask this because I know right now I am not where I want to be in my spiritual life but I do know where I want to be... in the past I think i've had guys let me go because I wasnt the submissive woman they wanted but I know one day I will be that woman


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## Shimmie (Oct 2, 2013)

Highly Favored8 said:


> Shimmie's prayer she blessed us with
> 
> http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=96564&highlight=prayers+for+marriage



Highly Favored8... you are so 'Highly Favored and treasured of the Lord.   

I have to share this.  I have a friend that I used to commute on the train with.  I saw her last Thursday and she saw me she said... "HEY"... I'm married now.  I'm married as of three weeks ago.  

I was so overjoyed for her.    The gentleman that she had known and had been dating for 10 years, wanted to get married.   They were long-distance for quite a while and it was a challenge for them.   And I remember sharing with her and encouraging her about Marriage ... God made it happen for her.  

Ladies... Please do not give up!  Marriage does happen and very happy God centered and God ordained Marriages at that.  

God the Father 'betrothes' His Darling Daughters.   Oh Yes He Does... Yes He Does.   Indeed He does.   

Get ready...  :reddancer:


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## Shimmie (Oct 2, 2013)

stephluv said:


> I said Shimmies prayer...........no shame in my game!
> 
> SN: Sooo I saw this on FB
> 
> ...



Get ready for it to happen.  God answers prayer...and He has absolutely no problem answering the prayers from the very heart of you.  

Get Ready!


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## sweetvi (Oct 2, 2013)

stephluv

Men nowadays want submissiveness without them sacrificing anything. Puhleaseeeeee.

I will say this, once God gives you your mate, you will not hesitate to want to be submissive to him! My friend who is known for being strong headed, stubborn and very opinionated when she was single is now a submissive, family oriented, person who still is opinionated but her heart for her husband gave her that motivation to want to submit.


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## Shimmie (Oct 2, 2013)

sweetvi said:


> stephluv
> 
> Men nowadays want submissiveness without them sacrificing anything. Puhleaseeeeee.
> 
> I will say this, once God gives you your mate, you will not hesitate to want to be submissive to him! My friend who is known for being strong headed, stubborn and very opinionated when she was single is now a submissive, family oriented, person who still is opinionated but her heart for her husband gave her that motivation to want to submit.



You can get them to 'sacrifice' or in other words, they will respect you as the love of his heart...      Men are very easy to set standards with.


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## LovingLady (Oct 3, 2013)

stephluv, thank you for the tag and for starting this beautiful thread.


To me there are two prerequisites before you can start preparing for marriage:

1. Know and understand that God is enough. 

2. Know who you are and what your purpose in life is. 


These two things are important in preparing you for marriage (and for life in general) because it eliminates unnecessary exceptions (on yourself and your future husband) and it puts you in the right frame of mind.   

When you understand that God is enough it puts you at peace. Peace cause you to become comfortable with life which cause you to be comfortable with yourself. When you are comfortable with yourself confidence emerges. When you are confident and comfortable you will stop trying to find love and love will find you.


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## LovingLady (Oct 6, 2013)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Keeping his clothes clean and smelling good.  Take the clothes to the  dry cleaners (ie: shirts, suits, pants...etc.) and make sure that you  don't have to ask him "do you need your stuff cleaned" just do it and  make sure every time he goes into the closet, he has clean clothes to  put on. * Make sure to press whatever he needs too*.



That is particularly important if you are with someone who is in the military or has a career where he constantly needs to wear a suit and tie. 



Nice & Wavy said:


> Do a little bit every day.  By the time Saturday comes around, you are only doing a little and you have more time for him and to pamper yourself.
> 
> *When I worked outside the home, I would come home in the evening and do a little bit of housework...whether it was dusting, vacuuming, or a load of laundry.  I made sure to use that time as an extension of my work day and then I would rest*.  By the time Saturday rolled around, I would do very little...usually sweeping and mopping and then I was done.  The house was clean and I could just rest and relax.
> 
> You have to get into a pattern of always doing it weekly that way, you are not overwhelmed with doing so much on one day....



I started doing for the past couple of days and it helps so much. I had so much more extra time on Saturday to relax. Thanks for the advice.



Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> In my observation many women put a great deal of effort into their appearance hair, dress make-up etc., and once they get married everything goes to pot. Remember your physical appearance is one of the things that made you attractive to your husband.



This is very true. If you were wearing a full face of make-up  before marriage he will be expecting it afterwards. Whatever you do before you were married make sure you are able to maintain it once you are married (looks, personality, cleaning ethnics etc.). Men want consistency.   



Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering,  kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians  5:22)



People are like sponges, whatever we take in, under pressure, it comes out. We should surround ourselves with beautiful things, positive words, images, music, and people. 

One of my favorite tumblers is: http://www.artoflovely.com/
Christian musicians: 


Group One Crew "Walking on the Stars"
Jamie Grace "Hold Me"
The City Harmonic "Manifesto"
Need to Breathe "Something Beautiful"
 Francesca Battistelli "This is the stuff"



Incognitus said:


> My father has always drilled into my head, the significance of a woman's   hands. He said a woman's hands should be soft, neat, manicured, and   inviting to the touch. *I've noticed that when my  nails are long, my   mannerisms change. I become more feminine in my body language. I know   part of it is because I'm being careful not to chip my nail.* However,   the other aspect is that I _FEEL_ more feminine. When they're short, broken, or stubby, I'm a bit more rough. My movements don't seem as elegant.



The same thing happened to me when I started to wear nail polish. 



Blackpearl1993 said:


> It's interesting that you mentioned  dresses specifically. My husband loves it when I wear dresses. I feel  more feminine and beautiful in dresses than pants. I have actually been  considering making the change to wearing primarily dresses and skirts  (note: this is not for religious/spiritual reasons but personal  preference of how I'd like to embrace femininity. My daughter also loves  to wear dresses and she likes it when mommy wears them too). *I think  men like to see women wear dresses because it reminds them or our  femininity and beauty as well.*



This is very true, men do take notice. I am trying to get my wardrobe to have around 90-95% dresses.  



Blackpearl1993 said:


> I have already posted way too much, but I felt compelled to add:
> 
> *If you are reading books pertaining to marriage and/or motherhood as you  prepare for your blessing....just know that it is imperative that the  books you read must be written from a Christian perspective.* The world  holds no wisdom for a child of God in relation to marriage and  parenting. I will post some good book titles later, but if you pray and  ask God to lead you in this area, He will lead you to the resources you  need.



I am currently reading "The Power of Femininity" and I love it so far. I would like to add to my reading collect, I am open to suggestions. 



HWAY said:


> Thanks for the tag.
> *Keep your home tranquil and pesceful. Your husband should enjoy being home , away from the negativity prevalent in the world.*
> Never speak negatively about your husband or marriage to anyone.
> Don't alow negative thoughts against your husband or your marriag, even durung the rough times.
> ...



This must be done if he is over worked and under valued at his job.


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## LovingLady (Oct 6, 2013)

I am not married but I would like to share what I have learned since I have been on a "prepare myself to be a wife" challenge for several months.

Tips:
*Neat and simple in terms of looks and style is the best road to go. 
*Keep for your shoes and feet in order, men do notice. 
*For ladies who wear nail polish look into gel nails, they last a lot longer then regular polish : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4ZG304qerk
*Ask for their advice and follow it. If it was a bad idea, do not tell then that just let it go and find a different solution. 
*Learn to cook from scratch.
*If you know what vitamin your husband is deficient in try to cook foods that are high in it.
*Be financially savvy. Buying in bulk and have a coupon book is the way to go.
*Have date nights.
*Allow him to watch the game in peace and quiet. If something needs to be done ask him before the game, do it yourself, or wait until later. This is advice I received from a man. He said to me that a women will typically leaves a man alone for the entire day but when the game starts she is requesting everything under the sun. They find it to be very annoying. Men love to help us but when they want their time they want their time.
*Pick your battles. The phrase "we need to talk" should be used only in very serious situations.


I have a questions for you ladies. When a man showing his vulnerable side what is the proper way of responding. How do we let them know that it is ok to be that open with us and no judgement is being passed.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Oct 9, 2013)

LovingLady said:


> I am not married but I would like to share what I have learned since I have been on a "prepare myself to be a wife" challenge for several months.
> 
> Tips:
> *Neat and simple in terms of looks and style is the best road to go.
> ...


*
*

I will be married for ten years in November, but I am by no means an expert. Marriage is a beautiful journey with a beloved friend, confidant, lover, co-parent, and brother in Christ (not necessarily in the order I have listed--lol). Let your husband know he can be open with you by responding correctly when he *is* open. Don't berate him, pout due to his differing opinions, or act out when he shares his heart with you. Men do not generally like to be "forced" to open up and talk. Those "we need to talk" conversations are not usually at all comfortable for them. They open up when they are ready. Pray that God will give you the right words, countenance, body language when communicating with your husband. When there is an issue that needs to be discussed, pray first that God will provide the right timing for the conversation and make both of your hearts fertile ground for whatever truth must be shared. Ask God to help you  respect him. Men view the respect of their wife as evidence of her love for him. This is not their only measure but it is a very, very important measure. When your husband opens up, praise him for trusting you. Show him that you are trustworthy by not revealing his vulnerable moments to others (whether he knows about it or not). Speak favorably of him to others. Praise in public and deal with any issues in private. This helps the heart of your husband to "trust in you confidently and rely on and believe in you securely, so that he has no lack of gain or need of spoil" --Proverbs 31:11. Also...don't make everything a serious issue. Your husband is human and he will make mistakes, have habits that differ from yours and may annoy you, and he will have a bad day sometimes. Ask God to help you forgive, find the positives, appreciate God's own handiwork in creating your husband, and don't become vested in always being right.

Men delight in making their wives happy. They want to be her champion; the knight on the white horse. Let him be a man. Let him love and protect you. Ask God to help you delight in taking care of your man. Make him your first priority after God. BTW...sex is important. Marital intimacy is an important way that men connect with their wives. When they feel connected...they open up. This is not an exhaustive list, because I am not an expert but your husband learns to trust you when you do these things. When he trusts you and feels respected, he opens up. It will be natural and not contrived in any way. It will be authentic.


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## Shimmie (Oct 9, 2013)

LovingLady said:


> I am not married but I would like to share what I have learned since I have been on a "prepare myself to be a wife" challenge for several months.
> 
> Tips:
> *Neat and simple in terms of looks and style is the best road to go.
> ...



You've shared some wonderful wisdom above.   Especially regarding the hands.    Many may wonder,  "What does a woman's hands have to do with Proverbs 31'?   

The answer:  "Volumes"  

If you want him to put a ring on it....  

Make sure those hands are looking good.  "Just sayin'... 

Regarding your question when our men show their vulnerable sides (yes,  side*s*.

We "let" them be human.   We let them be fragile.  We let them be loved, in spite of what they feel weak in.   Let him 'vent', let him cry, let him be silent. 

There's a saying that 'Men are 'clams' and that women are 'crowbars'.  

Taking a _"guilty"_ pause here for a 'minute'...  

  ​
When a man shuts down (gets quiet), women (by nature) try to 'pry' them open...(i.e. make them talk).   However this only makes the men, 'clam' tighter and then the women 'pry' even harder to make them open up and talk about 'it' (whatever the 'it' is that the man is going through). 

I've learned the hard way that this is not effective nor supportive nor is it healthy in any relationship.   Both the man and the woman are in error here.  Yes, both are in error.   Men do not get a free pass just because we're focused on being a Proverbs 31 woman with a Proverbs 31 marriage.  It still takes TWO to make this marriage work.     

As women we can 'bend' over backwards until our APL hair touches our ankles and brushes the soles of our feet, however that's not what Proverbs 31 is all about.   The Proverbs 31 Woman is respected, she has strength and she has much influence over her husband, her children as well as others on the outside.   We're not door mats for our husbands, yet we are their support and comfort...but we are respected. 

Bringing this back to the issue of supporting them in their vulnerable areas .... their weaknesses.      While we let them be weak, let them cry, let them be silent, we do not let them 'shut us down', shut us out, disrespect us, nor do we try to 'pry' / force them to open up.  

*Why do men 'shut down' (clam up) in the first place? * 

They are fearful of showing their emotions.   If they talk about it, while they are still 'feeling' badly, they feel that they may break down and not be a man about it.  They don't want 'us' to see them 'cry'.   After all, they are our 'heroes' and our protectors.  

*Why do women try to 'pry' (crowbar) them open?:* 

We want to help  we want to nurture them   We want to feel involved and not shut out of what they are going through. 

There's a verse in Proverbs 31 which stands out to me, verse 11

_"The heart of her husband safely trusts her..."_

*How does he learn to safely to safely trust in her?  *

Who knows our husbands better?    Of course, God Does   

Who can show us the way to our husband's heart for him to safely trust in us??    Our Father God.  

This is how we learn to understand him, how to help him when he is weak, how to leave him in his silence and not feel shut out and to allow God to teach him how to safely trust in us, his wife.    

The Proverbs 31 Woman and her Marriage Always works out so well in situations, (in both the expected and unexpected). 

_"She rises early and 'sees' to her House'.  _

Another translation says:  _"She also rises while it is yet night"..._

What is she doing?  She rises early and seeks the Lord for the order of the day and the upcoming (unforeseen) needs and matters of her husband and family. 

She prays for God's leading in each situation for each one is different.   

We have such a head start and victory as Christian women in Marriage (in Life, period).   We are so far ahead of the game and that's only because  of Jehovah Shammah, our God who goes 'before' us and prepares the way.

Lord thank you for Marriage... "One Man, One Woman" giving all honour and glory unto you. 

And for this cause, you are seeking those who will marry and give you honour. 

In Jesus' Name, Amen and Amen.


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## Shimmie (Oct 9, 2013)

Blackpearl1993 said:


> [/B]
> 
> I will be married for ten years in November, but I am by no means an expert. Marriage is a beautiful journey with a beloved friend, confidant, lover, co-parent, and brother in Christ (not necessarily in the order I have listed--lol). Let your husband know he can be open with you by responding correctly when he *is* open. Don't berate him, pout due to his differing opinions, or act out when he shares his heart with you. Men do not generally like to be "forced" to open up and talk. Those "we need to talk" conversations are not usually at all comfortable for them. They open up when they are ready. Pray that God will give you the right words, countenance, body language when communicating with your husband. When there is an issue that needs to be discussed, pray first that God will provide the right timing for the conversation and make both of your hearts fertile ground for whatever truth must be shared. Ask God to help you  respect him.
> 
> ...



Good Word, Blackpearl1993 

And... Congratulations!   10 Years of Marriage and far beyond.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Oct 11, 2013)

Here are the book titles I promised a while back:

*The Bible 
*Feminine Appeal:Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother
*The Love Dare
*The Love Dare Day by Day
*When A Woman Inspires Her Husband by Cindi McMenamin
*Husbands, Wives, God by Edward C. Lee
*Women Living Well by Courtney Joseph (this woman also has an awesome blog called Women Living Well)
*The Marriage of Your Dreams: A Woman's Guide to Understanding Your Man
*Creating With God (pregnancy, parenting)
*Family Unplanning (parenting, family planning from Biblical perspective)
*True Christian Motherhood (parenting)
*52 Ways to Wow Your Husband: How to Put a Smile on His Face 
*For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhan (there is a companion book called For Men Only)
*Uncovered: Revelaing the Secrets of a Sexy Marriage
*Helper By Design: God's Perfect Plan for Women in Marriage
*Love Another Child (family planning from a Biblical perspective)
*Setting Their Hope In God: Biblical Intercession for Your Children by Andrew Case

Note: I hope these are helpful to you. I pray before I purchase any books 
re: marriage or parenting/family planning. I would encourage you to ask God what He wants you to read on these important subject areas.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Oct 11, 2013)

Two more book titles:

Sacred Marriage & Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas (these are two separate book titles)


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## stephluv (Oct 11, 2013)

LovingLady said:


> I am not married but I would like to share what I have learned since *I have been on a "prepare myself to be a wife" challenge for several months.*
> 
> I have a questions for you ladies. When a man showing his vulnerable side what is the proper way of responding. How do we let them know that it is ok to be that open with us and no judgement is being passed.


 
LovingLady- hmmm i guess i'm on the challenge myself lol 

Blackpearl1993  Thanks for all the books! 

sorry been MIA beauties! I needed to wait until my funds were right to subscribe again


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## Reminiscing (Oct 21, 2013)

..................


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## HomesteaderDreams (Nov 17, 2013)

Blackpearl1993 said:


> The most important thing is to pray. Pray with your husband and for your husband.
> 
> *Pray:*
> 
> ...




Thank you for this. I really needed to hear each and every one of these points and I will begin to implement them today. When my husband wakes up in another hour, I will ( Shimmie ) extend my beautiful hands and ask him to pray with me...And be more of a helper to my husband. Everything we wives do really should be to help our husbands. That is precisely why we were put here in the first place. I'll need to print this out and post it in the corner of my private bath (hubby doesnt go in there, as he considers it my lady cave).


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## HomesteaderDreams (Nov 17, 2013)

Blackpearl1993 said:


> I have already posted way too much, but I felt compelled to add:
> 
> If you are reading books pertaining to marriage and/or motherhood as you prepare for your blessing....just know that it is imperative that the books you read must be written from a Christian perspective. The world holds no wisdom for a child of God in relation to marriage and parenting. I will post some good book titles later, but if you pray and ask God to lead you in this area, He will lead you to the resources you need.




Right now, I'm reading "Wife School." next will be '"Created to be His Helpmeet." I think both are really good.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Nov 19, 2013)

I was listening to a book from a Christian blogger. She gave a really good tip. Try to use  tangible reminder/cues to whisper little prayers for your husband throughout the day. My husband leaves his socks on the floor whenever he sits down after returning home--believe it or not I have grown to love this. I say a little prayer for him when I pick up his socks. The blogger mentioned praying for your husband whenever your wedding ring catches your eye during the day. That's a whole lot of praying power to lavish on the man you love. Prayer moves mountains, as we all know.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Nov 19, 2013)

hisboo911 said:


> Right now, I'm reading "Wife School." next will be *'"Created to be His Helpmeet."* I think both are really good.



I have this one...excellent book


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## stephluv (Dec 5, 2013)

Hello ladies my apologies for my absence but I need this forum in my life

blqlady Had posted a top question that I would love to get feedback on from especially the wives What qualities make a good husband? 

In my experience I've seen Proberb31 wives who after some conditioning and a few seasons finally have their good husband lol Not everyone will marry a man that is prepared to be that Great husband but with a wife's prayer and encouragement it will happen as God has put her there to be his helpmeet Remember a man leaves one fam to cleave to his wife sowhat should she be striving to see in her mate?


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## Jace032000 (Apr 25, 2014)

hisboo911 said:


> Thank you for this. I really needed to hear each and every one of these points and I will begin to implement them today. When my husband wakes up in another hour, I will ( Shimmie ) extend my beautiful hands and ask him to pray with me...And be more of a helper to my husband. Everything we wives do really should be to help our husbands. That is precisely why we were put here in the first place. I'll need to print this out and post it in the corner of my private bath (hubby doesnt go in there, as he considers it my lady cave).




This was beautiful---thank you so much for sharing.  I really needed to read this.


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## MrsMe (May 4, 2014)

Love this thread! Thank you to all the ladies who chimed in.  I see I still have a lot of work to do.

Sent from my phone...typos and autocorrect galore


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## proudofmynaps (Sep 15, 2014)

Bumping. I would love to hear more from married women or women who have more to add on this subject


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## Benuontherise (Feb 28, 2015)

Hello ladies, 

I'm a newly wed only have been married for two years but I have learned a lot. Some of the things I have learned about wife duties are that it's important that your husband knows that you love him. I know that it sounds simple but men really need to be catered to and shown that they are loved by their wives. Women can get things confused sometimes I think, such as thinking that doing their expected duties such as house management is her showing her love. But not really that's the mandatory.  It's the things that aren't mandatory that shows your love for him, it makes me think about the the proverbs 31 a virtuous women when it speaks about how his hearts trust in her. He trust that she loves him and has the good interest of the family not just herself.  He knows she won't cheat on him and not just physically but also spiritually.  Dedicating her love only to him under God, no to herself or anyone else outside of the house. This love to your DH even when you feel exhausted or unloved/unappreciated yourself will help make the bond stronger give no wedge for the devil to wiggle in...truly this is key. I pray this has helped any ladies needing the message,  including myself as a reminder.

God bless ladies


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## Nina_S (Jun 1, 2015)

I recently finished a few really good books:

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs  by Emerson Eggerichs
Uncommon Marriage by Tony & Lauren Dungy
Things I Wish I'D Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman

I'm in preparation mode and I have a lot to learn. Thank all of you ladies for your advice and wisdom!


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## stephluv (Jun 22, 2015)

Great advice @Benuontherise And thank you for the reading list @Nina_S 

Bump bump


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## *SkolarStar* (Jul 12, 2015)

God works in wonders. I prayed asking God to guide me to the right resources on what makes a good wife. He led me here. And I'm never in this part of the forum, but He said, go there. And here I come to a wealth of knowledge!

I read this entire thread and now I'm going back to page 1 to read a few posts at a time to really internalize and put to practice the advice the man I'm with now. See how it works. Even if we break up, at least I got some practice in.


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## *SkolarStar* (Jul 18, 2015)

P31 update...
A couple of friends and I are on a P31C - Proverbs 31 Challenge.


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## lonei (Jul 19, 2015)

Very interesting. My husband and I are Christians and we have been married for almost 8 years and with little or much,  I would choose him again every time. We actually wrote a book on love called The Colours of Love Relationship Manual which gives a real yet biblically principled way to doing relationships. It might help someone out.  www.thecoloursoflove.co.uk x


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## Blackpearl1993 (Nov 12, 2015)

Ladies, 
Here's a "Make your home a haven" challenge. Good stuff here and timely for any woman. Whether you are married or waiting for the gift of your husband, you wantn to be able to make your home a haven:

http://womenlivingwell.org/category/homemaking/making-your-home-a-haven-challenge/

Here is a link to lots of sermons about home on Sermon Audio:
http://www.sermonaudio.com/search.asp?currsection=sermonstopic&keyword=home


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## delitefulmane (Nov 23, 2015)

I posted this in the relationship forum because initially I didn't know whether to create a thread here or what. 

New wife here   Just wondering how you wives get your husbands to help you with different chores and things around the house? I don't EVER what to be a nagging wife but if I ask once and nothing happens. What next?

I believe how I respond will affect how he responds. 
Thoughts Christian wives?


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## Highly Favored8 (Dec 12, 2015)

delitefulmane said:


> I posted this in the relationship forum because initially I didn't know whether to create a thread here or what.
> 
> New wife here   Just wondering how you wives get your husbands to help you with different chores and things around the house? I don't EVER what to be a nagging wife but if I ask once and nothing happens. What next?
> 
> ...




Congratulations!


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## Lucia (Dec 16, 2015)

Bumping 

Future wife in training


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## Maracujá (Oct 15, 2016)

Eversince turning 31 in july, I have decided to study Proverbs 31 until july next year. So a whole entire year on Proverbs 31:10-31. Sometimes I do Google searches on this scripture and notice that a lot of Christian women dismiss this passage in the Bible as entirely fictional and not even plausible in real life. I fully disagree, not only because by that token all of the Bible could be seen as 'not practical', but also because I've seen it at work in my own life when I was living in Luanda (Angola, Africa). 

For example: there is the passage about how the Proverbs 31 woman has maidens that help her. And in our 21st century mind, we immediately think of paid help. But the etymology of the word _maiden _means 'virgin girl' or 'servant'. This means that the women who were helping her were unmarried women, probably from her church or her family. Which also gave her the opportunity to live up to he Titus 2 role as a wife and mother in these young women's lives. 

This is a topic that is so dear to my heart because of the influx of women complaining about being tired all the time. Women look frazzled on a daily basis nowadays and that simply did not use to be the case. Women are trying to do too much, all by themselves and that is simply not necessary at all. Also, this is a good way to keep young women from being lured by worldly things. For us unmarried women nowadays, this requires a complete mind shift as most of us also have to tend to our own apartments. But I can really see the benefits in this, even if you only sacrifice one day out of the week to helping a Godly wife/mommy from your close circle. It's an investment imo.


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## Loving (Oct 15, 2016)

@Maracujá a whole year? That's impressive. You should probably start a blog or a thread about what you are learning. It may help a lot of us.


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## Maracujá (Oct 31, 2016)

This is what I wrote in the Christian Singles Thread (remix) earlier this year:



> I turned 31 about two weeks ago and decided to study Proverbs 31 for an entire year. This morning I did some research on the meaning of the ruby stone and apparently it stands for faithful, passionate love and closeness to a spouse (among many other things). It also only comes second to diamonds! And our worth as women is above that!



The reason why God addressed 'worth' in the first verses of the Proverbs 31 chapter is because that is what we as women most struggle with, whether single or married. Y'all will be amazed at the many properties of the ruby stone if you do a Google search!


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## Lucia (Nov 2, 2016)

Maracujá said:


> This is what I wrote in the Christian Singles Thread (remix) earlier this year:
> 
> 
> 
> The reason why God addressed 'worth' in the first verses of the Proverbs 31 chapter is because that is what we as women most struggle with, whether single or married. Y'all will be amazed at the many properties of the ruby stone if you do a Google search!



You have a good point here

I've noticed hat there are some women at work or anywhere will matter of factly talking about sex out in the open with explicit details. I was sitting in our cafeteria  at work and 2 out of the 12 women there took the convo south 1 in the group was going to a bachelorette party in vegas-well I should have left right  here but I was finished my lunch then the convo started deteriorating because of the 2 raunchy chicks.

That's when I grabbed my stuff and left. I mean I felt like it was not a convo tonhave at work with your immediate boss and some coworkers around that's a private convo and sometimes it shouldn't be a convo at all just a monologue in your head if you're so inclined.  These women are debasigntenselves and showing everyone how low their self worth is.

This is not the first time I've heard a woman just blurt out oversexualized tidbits in the wrong venue. I know this also maybe has to do with the being low class in general and not knowing your not supposed to talk like that.

  Then these are the same women who wonder why men don't treat them with respect. Umm you have to at least act like a lady to get men to respect you. Done ranting for now.


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## Maracujá (Sep 17, 2017)

https://homemakingministries.clickfunnels.com/check-out-page

Preparation is never time wasted . Oh and singles are very welcome .


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