# I totally understand God is not answering my prayer..



## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 2, 2013)

But why do I have to be constantly reminded that I'm single by seeing all these married couples everywhere I look. Sometimes even going to church is depressing cause I'll have this cute little family sitting in front of me and all I can do is focus on them. I feel like either I'm cursed or being punished for my past sins. Are there any prayers for feeling this way? Any bible versus I can read daily? I'm frustrated, hurt and angry at myself and sometimes even with God but I try to not be angry with him cause I know he knows best. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Am I not good enough for him to send me someone that is of good quality? I don't know how to pray for this anymore


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 2, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> But why do I have to be constantly reminded that I'm single by seeing all these married couples everywhere I look. Sometimes even going to church is depressing cause I'll have this cute little family sitting in front of me and all I can do is focus on them. I feel like either I'm cursed or being punished for my past sins. Are there any prayers for feeling this way? Any bible versus I can read daily? I'm frustrated, hurt and angry at myself and sometimes even with God but I try to not be angry with him cause I know he knows best. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Am I not good enough for him to send me someone that is of good quality? I don't know how to pray for this anymore


 


If you've been wavering in your prayer or doubting that He will answer you, don't expect that he will answer you.

James 1
6But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,…

Don't condemn yourself, the bible says that he hears the prayers of the righteous man, please know that he has already answered your prayer and will withhold no good thing from you.

Now you must occupy yourself until the manifestation of the man that the Lord has sent your way appears.

He does things in his timing, not ours trust that it is for your benefit, don't be discouraged and don't rush, but be patient and wait on the Lord.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 2, 2013)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> If you've been wavering in your prayer or doubting that He will answer you, don't expect that he will answer you.
> 
> James 1
> 6But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,…
> ...



I understand you but what if you've been praying for years about the same thing and the prayer is not answered? How can one possible be expected to remain optimistic? Folks who barely pray find mates, those who don't have to try the blessing just falls onto their laps. I've been praying for years but I seem to find the same lousy lying individuals that hurt me. I'm not getting it. I wish God could protect me from hurt feelings. If I did not feel the pain that would be good. I'm tired of being teary eyed almost daily.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 2, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> I understand you but what if you've been praying for years about the same thing and the prayer is not answered? How can one possible be expected to remain optimistic? Folks who barely pray find mates, those who don't have to try the blessing just falls onto their laps. I've been praying for years but I seem to find the same lousy lying individuals that hurt me. I'm not getting it. I wish God could protect me from hurt feelings. If I did not feel the pain that would be good. I'm tired of being teary eyed almost daily.


 

I'm in a similar situation, I've been saved for almost 10 years now and the opposite sex had not even so much as smiled at me. Coincidentally I just attended a wedding on Saturday and was happy for them, I cant be looking at who is getting married or not, I have to trust God despite what I feel or what it looks like.

You are good enough and you are worthy, don't let these years slip by questioning God or condemning yourself, its a waste of time and will diminish your faith in God and kill your self confidence.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 2, 2013)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> I'm in a similar situation, I've been saved for almost 10 years now and the opposite sex had not even so much as smiled at me. Coincidentally I just attended a wedding on Saturday and was happy for them, I cant be looking at who is getting married or not, I have to trust God despite what I feel or what it looks like.
> 
> You are good enough and you are worthy, don't let these years slip by questioning God or condemning yourself, its a waste of time and will diminish your faith in God and kill your self confidence.



Sigh I will try to think more positively starting tomorrow. Today I'm an emotional wreck and just want to vent to God. I'm so mad at the men that hurt woman and somehow they come out winning. It's even like that in the bible. They dog us out and next minute they have another women who's better than you. I don't get it!


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## JaneBond007 (Dec 2, 2013)

Christian therapy...I just answered you in the other thread, not realizing you were her first.  Sorry about the double...but get therapy/counseling.  It's truly the answer and your spiritual director will lead you to how to pray.



Kinkyhairlady said:


> Sigh I will try to think more positively  starting tomorrow. Today I'm an emotional wreck and just want to vent to  God. I'm so mad at the men that hurt woman and somehow they come out  winning. It's even like that in the bible. *They dog us out and next  minute they have another women who's better than you. I don't get  it!*



Honey, I had to leave mine after being the good wife for well over a decade.  In the end, he thought he got the_ better one_, and she murdered him.     No one is better than you.

I'm truly waiting in this particular situation.    Oh, the world has different eyes and rationale, but I'm in a different place.  I'm happy to read your post today because I was complaining about something else this morning.  Prayer is totally the answer.  Waiting for G-d to act is the most difficult task as a believer.


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## Highly Favored8 (Dec 2, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> But why do I have to be constantly reminded that I'm single by seeing all these married couples everywhere I look. Sometimes even going to church is depressing cause* I'll have this cute little family sitting in front of me and all I can do is focus on them. *I feel like either I'm cursed or being punished for my past sins. Are there any prayers for feeling this way? Any bible versus I can read daily? I'm frustrated, hurt and angry at myself and sometimes even with God but I try to not be angry with him cause I know he knows best. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Am I not good enough for him to send me someone that is of good quality? I don't know how to pray for this anymore





Kinkyhairlady said:


> I understand you but what if you've been praying for years about the same thing and the prayer is not answered? How can one possible be expected to remain optimistic?* Folks who barely pray find mates, those who don't have to try the blessing just falls onto their laps.* I've been praying for years but I seem to find the same lousy lying individuals that hurt me. I'm not getting it. I wish God could protect me from hurt feelings. If I did not feel the pain that would be good. I'm tired of being teary eyed almost daily.



Kinkyhairlady
I just wanted to speak to the bolded - Remember one of these days But God, knows exactly when you, I and the other ladies in this forum who are desiring marriage will now be "the cute little family" in front of a single woman/women.. All you can do is testify and be a witness to them of what the Lord has done for you and has seen you through up until you get married. For you will be the next one who has to encourage another sister on how God has blessed you with your husband. 

Also, do you even know what the couple went through to get to their marriage. What really happened behind the scenes you do not even know about. 

As far as blessings falling on to people who seems to get their prayer's answers remember-

"the Lord Blesses the just and the unjust" Matt.5:45.

Isa. 55:8 -"God's ways are not our ways". 

Jer.29:11-"God has a plan".

James 4:8- "Draw near to God He will draw near to you".


Remember Marriage is a ministry and it is a ministry that will glorify God. I truly feels the more we bathe ourselves in scriptures and in God's word 

Matt.6:33" Seek ye First the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you". 


God does answer prayer's all the time. Sometimes not in the way we want Him too--- Marriage is preparation what are YOU doing in the meantime to prepare YOU we want the blessing(s) but we truly don't want to do the work the Lord has asked/told us to do.


Seek God talk to him and pray without ceasing  -He will bless you/me and all of us whom desire marriage with a marriage-however what are WE doing and preparing for him in the meantime/while...


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 2, 2013)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> I'm in a similar situation, I've been saved for almost 10 years now and the opposite sex had not even so much as smiled at me. Coincidentally I just attended a wedding on Saturday and was happy for them, I cant be looking at who is getting married or not, I have to trust God despite what I feel or what it looks like.
> 
> You are good enough and you are worthy, don't let these years slip by questioning God or condemning yourself, its a waste of time and will diminish your faith in God and kill your self confidence.





Highly Favored8 said:


> Kinkyhairlady
> I just wanted to speak to the bolded - Remember one of these days But God, knows exactly when you, I and the other ladies in this forum who are desiring marriage will now be "the cute little family" in front of a single woman/women.. All you can do is testify and be a witness to them of what the Lord has done for you and has seen you through up until you get married. For you will be the next one who has to encourage another sister on how God has blessed you with your husband.
> 
> Also, do you even know what the couple went through to get to their marriage. What really happened behind the scenes you do not even know about.
> ...




Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm not sure how to prepare for my husband. Never got that concept. I can only be who I am what more can I do. I pray and attend church. I try to read occasionally as well.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 2, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm not sure how to prepare for my husband. Never got that concept. I can only be who I am what more can I do. I pray and attend church. I try to read occasionally as well.


 

You are everything that the WORD says you are, maybe you should remind yourself of that...you can just try you have to make time for His word, its our spiritual food, without we will die.

Without we don't know how to combat the enemy, when he comes with his lies and his tricks.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 2, 2013)

Who Am In Christ?

All bible verses (quotes) quoted in NIV

I am accepted...

John 1:12 I am God's child.
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God

John 15:15 As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Romans 5:1 I have been justified.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

1 Corinthians 6:17 I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christ's body.
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Ephesians 1:3-8 I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

Colossians 1:13-14 I have been redeemed and forgive of all my sins.
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 2:9-10 I am complete in Christ.
For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.

Hebrews 4:14-16 I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 2, 2013)

I am secure...

Romans 8:1 I am free from condemnation.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.


Romans 8:28 I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:31-39 I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died more than that, who was raised to life is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughter"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22 I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Colossians 3:1-4 I am hidden with Christ in God.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Philippians 1:6 I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven.
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,

2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him.


I am significant...

John 15:5 I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

1 Corinthians 3:16 I am God's temple.
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,

Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 2, 2013)

Who Am I in Christ?

I am a child of God; God is spiritually my Father.
 Romans 8:14,15
because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
 Galatians 3:26
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus
 John 1:12
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God

I am a new creation in Christ; old things have passed away and all things have become new.
 2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I am in Christ.
 Galatians 3:26,28
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

I am an heir with the Father and a joint heir with Christ.
 Galatians 4:6.7
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, " So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.
 Romans 8:17
Now if we are children, then we are heirs heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I am reconciled to God and am an ambassador of reconciliation for Him.
 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

I am a saint.
 Ephesians 1:1
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus:
 1 Corinthians 1:2
to the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ their Lord and ours:
 Philippians 1:1
Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, to all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons:

I am God's workmanship, created in Christ for good works.
 Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I am a citizen of heaven.
 Ephesians 2:19
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household
 Philippians 3:20
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ

I am a member of Christ's body.
 1 Corinthians 12:27
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.
 1 Corinthians 6:17
But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.
 1 Corinthians 3:16
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?
 1 Corinthians6:19

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.

I am a friend of Christ.
 John 15:15

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

I am a slave of righteousness.
 Romans 6:18
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God

I am the righteousness of God in Christ.
 2 Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

I am enslaved to God.
 Romans 6:22
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

I am chosen and ordained by Christ to bear fruit.
 John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

I am a prisoner of Christ.
 Ephesians 3:1
For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles
 Ephesians 4:1
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

I am righteous and holy.
 Ephesians 4:24
and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

I am hidden with Christ in God.
 Colossians 3:3
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

I am the salt of the earth.
 Matthew 5:13
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness,how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything,except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

I am the light of the world.
 Matthew 5:14
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."

I am part of the true vine.
 John 15:1-2
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

I am filled with the divine nature of Christ and escape the corruption that is in the world through lust.
 2 Peter 1:4
Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

I am an expression of the life of Christ.
 Colossians 3:4
When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.
 Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience
 1 Thessalonians 1:4
For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you

I am a child of light.
 1 Thessalonians 5:5
You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

I am a partaker of a heavenly calling.
Hebrews 3:1
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.

I am more than a conqueror though Christ.
 Romans 8:37
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

I am a partaker with Christ and share in His life.
Hebrews 3:14
We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first

I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house.
 1 Peter 2:5
you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

I am a chosen generation, a royal priest hood, a holy nation.
 1 Peter 2:9
But you are a chosen people, a royal priest hood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

I am the devil's enemy.
 1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I am born again by the Spirit of God.
 John 3:3-6
In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.

I am an alien and a stranger to this world.
 1 Peter 2:11
Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

I am a child of God who always triumphs in Christ and releases His fragrance in every place.
 2 Corinthians 2:14
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.

I am seated in heavenly places in Christ.
 Ephesians 2:6
And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus

I am saved by grace.
 Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

I am a recipient of every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places
 in Christ.
 Ephesians 1-6 (The Whole book!)

I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb.
 Revelations 5:9
And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation."

I am part of the Bride of Christ and am making myself ready of Him.
 Revelations 19:7
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.

I am a true worshiper who worships the Father in spirit and in truth.
 John 4:24
God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 2, 2013)

I didn't mean to high jack your thread, I pray that this is helpful.


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## mscurly (Dec 2, 2013)

JaneBond007 said:


> *Christian therap*y...I just answered you in the other thread, not realizing you were her first.  Sorry about the double...but get therapy/counseling.  It's truly the answer and your spiritual director will lead you to how to pray.




I'm seriously thinking about trying this. I have been going through a lot lately. I completely understand where the OP is coming from. I have been single and celibate for 2 years which is ALOT for me considering I was the one who was always in a relationship or always had a man I was dealing with. 

I dated here and there but nothing serious. The guys I had dated were liars and seeing other women while dating me, or say things like they like me but can't get with the celibacy thing.   

When I started this journey I seriously didn't think it would be this hard.


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## Renewed1 (Dec 2, 2013)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> If you've been wavering in your prayer or doubting that He will answer you, don't expect that he will answer you.  James 1 6But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,…  Don't condemn yourself, the bible says that he hears the prayers of the righteous man, please know that he has already answered your prayer and will withhold no good thing from you.  Now you must occupy yourself until the manifestation of the man that the Lord has sent your way appears.  He does things in his timing, not ours trust that it is for your benefit, don't be discouraged and don't rush, but be patient and wait on the Lord.



Thank you Iwanthealthyhair67 totally needed this right now.


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## JaneBond007 (Dec 2, 2013)

mscurly said:


> I'm seriously thinking about trying this. I have been going through a lot lately. I completely understand where the OP is coming from. I have been single and celibate for 2 years which is ALOT for me considering I was the one who was always in a relationship or always had a man I was dealing with.
> 
> I dated here and there but nothing serious. The guys I had dated were liars and seeing other women while dating me, or say things like they like me but can't get with the celibacy thing.
> 
> When I started this journey I seriously didn't think it would be this hard.




I had made an appt. with our spiritual director for general direction and it was announced 2 weeks ago...he's leaving.  Our priests are regularly spread throughout the diocese.  erplexed  He's a great confessor and I'm just blah...was looking forward to a session with him.    Well, now I guess I have to pay someone I don't know at all now.  If you can get therapy within the church, get it.  Sometimes, there is a slight fee, other times, there's none.  With Fr. Paul, there was none.  We were so lucky.  Oh well, hopefully, another will be placed into that post.

About liars:  who on earth wants to meet up with another one of those!  Any pointers I can get to not ever get close to any is gold in my pocket.  Sometimes, you need to realize what might be wrong in order to totally avoid something/someone/a type that is negative.  I don't believe these stories out there of women who never have had such experiences (the braggarts).  Obviously, there are those so blessed and humble to have met the right man the first time around.  The latter is the desired.  I can't blame folks either for getting mixed up with those who are not what they seemed to be.  It's the world.  Sometimes, direction is good.


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## Shimmie (Dec 2, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> I understand you but what if you've been praying for years about the same thing and the prayer is not answered? How can one possible be expected to remain optimistic?
> *Folks who barely pray find mates, those who don't have to try the blessing just falls onto their laps. *
> 
> I've been praying for years but I seem to find the same lousy lying individuals that hurt me. I'm not getting it. I wish God could protect me from hurt feelings. If I did not feel the pain that would be good. I'm tired of being teary eyed almost daily.



Notice the words in gray...they're faded in the wind...all doubt is cast out, which is the answer to the statement above bolded in blue. 

They simply do not doubt and they go about and 'get' what they want in life.   

Please don't lose heart.   Marriage is God's Will so the desire for Marriage is not unscriptural.   

Stop Doubting Marriage!   Start Believing God's Word which is All about Marriage!  And it is His Will for you to get Married...if that is what you want.   

When doubt comes, cast it out.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.


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## sweetvi (Dec 3, 2013)

Shimmie said:


> Notice the words in gray...they're faded in the wind...all doubt is cast out, which is the answer to the statement above bolded in blue.
> 
> *They simply do not doubt and they go about and 'get' what they want in life.
> 
> ...




 that is so true...many with positive thoughts and confidence tend to not worry about those things. They just simply believe they will get what they desire and allow themselves to be able to recieve it mentally (thoughts,desires), spiritually( faith, trust in God), and physically ( active, put themselves out there etc.)  you are absolutely right Shimmie


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## Phoenix14 (Dec 3, 2013)

I needed this thread. I don't think I was really intentionally praying for a mate. I was praying for work, for family, but then I'd feel guilty when I would intentionally ask the Lord for His selection in my mate. Smh. OP I hope you've been encouraged by this thread, I surely have


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## JudithO (Dec 3, 2013)

Okay... Breathe.... 

God is not angry with you. I can promise you that... That is not the kind of father we have. 

You have been praying for a mate, keep praying.. God will bring the right one to you at the right time. Maybe your mate is not ready, maybe you are not ready, maybe God has a different purpose for you... whatever it is, you have to be confident that everything is happening according to God's will. 

Meanwhile, don't sit at home and wait for a man to fall on your lap. Go out, socialize, meet people, online date if it'll make you feel better... You never can tell what's in store.


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 3, 2013)

I saw this quote on facebook and thought it might be helpful here:
"My inheritance is the Lord, says my soul; _that is why I will wait_. The Lord is good to those who hope in him, to the soul that seeks him. It is good to wait in silence for God's salvation." - St. Hilary of Poitiers


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## Leigh (Dec 4, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm not sure how to prepare for my husband. Never got that concept. I can only be who I am what more can I do. I pray and attend church. I try to read occasionally as well.



Do you mean you read the bible occasionally?


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 4, 2013)

Leigh said:


> Do you mean you read the bible occasionally?



Yes sadly I do. I'm working on reading everyday and not just when I go to church. I need to go to bible study as well. I don't  read books often unless I have to like school books. I like buying them but too lazy to read. Trying to not be lazy and put time aside for the bible instead of watching tv.


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## blessedandfavoured (Dec 4, 2013)

Dear Kinkyhairlady, please take heart.  If you have trusted God for the salvation of your soul, why would you not trust Him for marriage to a godly man?  Is His power only able to save you from sin and not much else??  I have gone through your posts in this thread, and a few things jumped out at me.  Please bear with me and read what I’ve written.  God bless you.  



Kinkyhairlady said:


> But why do I have to be constantly reminded that I'm single by seeing all these married couples everywhere I look. Sometimes even going to church is depressing cause *I'll have this cute little family sitting in front of me and all I can do is focus on them.* I feel like either I'm cursed or being punished for my past sins. Are there any prayers for feeling this way? Any bible versus I can read daily? I'm frustrated, hurt and angry at myself and sometimes even with God but I try to not be angry with him cause I know he knows best. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Am I not good enough for him to send me someone that is of good quality? I don't know how to pray for this anymore



I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but really??  Has marriage become an idol to you such that at a time set aside to worship and focus on God, you’re thinking of your relationship status?  Please, don’t do this!  And like someone said earlier, you don’t know what that ‘cute little family’ went through to get to this point.  Even if it was easy for them, jealousy is not a fruit of the Spirit.   



Kinkyhairlady said:


> I understand you but what if you've been praying for years about the same thing and the prayer is not answered? *How can one possible be expected to remain optimistic?* Folks who barely pray find mates, those who don't have to try the blessing just falls onto their laps. *I've been praying for years but I seem to find the same lousy lying individuals that hurt me. I'm not getting it. I wish God could protect me from hurt feelings.* If I did not feel the pain that would be good. I'm tired of being teary eyed almost daily.



The first bolded, see Abraham – Romans 4:18-22.  God keeps His promises.  If we being evil know how to give good things to those we love, how much more will God not do the same?  He doesn’t just know best, He is THE best.  Regarding the latter, if you’re referring to situations like the one you posted about earlier this year, well, that was not God’s doing.  Alarm bells went off and you sought and received wise, godly counsel which you then ignored.  Please, don’t just pray – watch carefully and listen for the Holy Spirit’s guidance.  DO NOT be led by your feelings. Remember 1 Peter 5:6-9.   



Kinkyhairlady said:


> Yes sadly I do. I'm working on reading everyday and not just when I go to church. I need to go to bible study as well. I don't  read books often unless I have to like school books. I like buying them but too lazy to read. Trying to not be lazy and put time aside for the bible instead of watching tv.



This right here is the root of your problem.  If you were reading your Bible daily and praying several times a day, you would be full of God’s Word, which is your only offensive weapon against the devil and his attacks.  It would also build you faith, which is your shield.  And it would keep you focused on God and His great love and mercy for you.  All TV does is feed the flesh, and he who sows to the flesh will reap corruption - Galatians 6:7-10.

Aside from all this, I’ve not yet come across a scripture that says ‘God will bless the righteous with a spouse.’  Elijah and Paul were not married and they were righteous.  Should I mention Jesus as well?  Oh, and what did Adam *do* to deserve Eve?  God put them together for HIS purposes.  A lot of people don’t care to honour God with their marriage, they do not see it as a ministry, but God wants married Christians to raise godly seed.  Is that your desire, or is it simply to ‘fit in’ or for some other reason(s)?  Please, prayerfully examine your motives – see James 4:3.

Finally, God doesn’t owe you anything good.  Yes, I said it.  He has already gone above and beyond the call of duty by sending His most precious and beloved Son, Jesus, to die for you even though you don’t deserve it – Romans 5:6-8.  In fact, as soon as you can, please slowly read the whole of Romans 4 and 5.  These wonderful, Spirit-inspired scriptures were penned by a man who was frequently imprisoned and beaten!  And yet he trusted God!!

But here is just how magnificent God is - though He owes you nothing good, He delights to show mercy, and to bless His children.  He is the kindest, most loving and gracious Father and Friend one could ever hope to know.  He loves you so much that He bled and died for you.  Please revel in that and be grateful for His intervention, for without it, you would be bound for eternal torment in Hell.  And as if that wasn’t enough, judging by the fact that you have an internet connection, I will also guess that you have money for food, housing and clothing.  These are blessings that everyone needs, and a great many people don’t have.  Should I also mention that slavery has been abolished and you are free to worship Jesus Christ without literally risking your life?!  Please, be grateful for all that God has already done, and patiently and prayerfully wait for what He will do.  God loves you.  He loves you.  He loves you.  And His Word says that He will not withhold any good thing from those that walk uprightly – Psalm 84:11.

Right, I’m out.  God bless you.  Oh, bonus scripture – Psalm 119:165.

P.S:  A fast and a praise break will help you .


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 4, 2013)

blessedandfavoured said:


> Dear Kinkyhairlady, please take heart.  If you have trusted God for the salvation of your soul, why would you not trust Him for marriage to a godly man?  Is His power only able to save you from sin and not much else??  I have gone through your posts in this thread, and a few things jumped out at me.  Please bear with me and read what I’ve written.  God bless you.  I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but really??  Has marriage become an idol to you such that at a time set aside to worship and focus on God, you’re thinking of your relationship status?  Please, don’t do this!  And like someone said earlier, you don’t know what that ‘cute little family’ went through to get to this point.  Even if it was easy for them, jealousy is not a fruit of the Spirit.  The first bolded, see Abraham – Romans 4:18-22.  God keeps His promises.  If we being evil know how to give good things to those we love, how much more will God not do the same?  He doesn’t just know best, He is THE best.  Regarding the latter, if you’re referring to situations like the one you posted about earlier this year, well, that was not God’s doing.  Alarm bells went off and you sought and received wise, godly counsel which you then ignored.  Please, don’t just pray – watch carefully and listen for the Holy Spirit’s guidance.  DO NOT be led by your feelings. Remember 1 Peter 5:6-9.  This right here is the root of your problem.  If you were reading your Bible daily and praying several times a day, you would be full of God’s Word, which is your only offensive weapon against the devil and his attacks.  It would also build you faith, which is your shield.  And it would keep you focused on God and His great love and mercy for you.  All TV does is feed the flesh, and he who sows to the flesh will reap corruption - Galatians 6:7-10.  Aside from all this, I’ve not yet come across a scripture that says ‘God will bless the righteous with a spouse.’  Elijah and Paul were not married and they were righteous.  Should I mention Jesus as well?  Oh, and what did Adam do to deserve Eve?  God put them together for HIS purposes.  A lot of people don’t care to honour God with their marriage, they do not see it as a ministry, but God wants married Christians to raise godly seed.  Is that your desire, or is it simply to ‘fit in’ or for some other reason(s)?  Please, prayerfully examine your motives – see James 4:3.  Finally, God doesn’t owe you anything good.  Yes, I said it.  He has already gone above and beyond the call of duty by sending His most precious and beloved Son, Jesus, to die for you even though you don’t deserve it – Romans 5:6-8.  In fact, as soon as you can, please slowly read the whole of Romans 4 and 5.  These wonderful, Spirit-inspired scriptures were penned by a man who was frequently imprisoned and beaten!  And yet he trusted God!!  But here is just how magnificent God is - though He owes you nothing good, He delights to show mercy, and to bless His children.  He is the kindest, most loving and gracious Father and Friend one could ever hope to know.  He loves you so much that He bled and died for you.  Please revel in that and be grateful for His intervention, for without it, you would be bound for eternal torment in Hell.  And as if that wasn’t enough, judging by the fact that you have an internet connection, I will also guess that you have money for food, housing and clothing.  These are blessings that everyone needs, and a great many people don’t have.  Should I also mention that slavery has been abolished and you are free to worship Jesus Christ without literally risking your life?!  Please, be grateful for all that God has already done, and patiently and prayerfully wait for what He will do.  God loves you.  He loves you.  He loves you.  And His Word says that He will not withhold any good thing from those that walk uprightly – Psalm 84:11.  Right, I’m out.  God bless you.  Oh, bonus scripture – Psalm 119:165.  P.S:  A fast and a praise break will help you .



Thank you so much. You are right had I been reading my scriptures daily I would not have fallen pray to so many bad relationships. I will start reading frequently and pray. If anything comes out if it great if not at least I will get closer to God which is most important.


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## bellatiamarie (Dec 4, 2013)

blessedandfavoured Honey, you just stepped on my toes!! That was a word for me! Thank God!


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## Poohbear (Dec 4, 2013)

Great response blessedandfavoured!!!


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 4, 2013)

blessedandfavoured said:


> Aside from all this, I’ve not yet come across a scripture that says ‘God will bless the righteous with a spouse.’  Elijah and Paul were not married and they were righteous.  Should I mention Jesus as well?  Oh, and what did Adam *do* to deserve Eve?  God put them together for HIS purposes.  A lot of people don’t care to honour God with their marriage, they do not see it as a ministry, but God wants married Christians to raise godly seed.  Is that your desire, or is it simply to ‘fit in’ or for some other reason(s)?  Please, prayerfully examine your motives – see James 4:3.
> 
> Finally, God doesn’t owe you anything good.  Yes, I said it.  He has already gone above and beyond the call of duty by sending His most precious and beloved Son, Jesus, to die for you even though you don’t deserve it – Romans 5:6-8.  In fact, as soon as you can, please slowly read the whole of Romans 4 and 5.  These wonderful, Spirit-inspired scriptures were penned by a man who was frequently imprisoned and beaten!  And yet he trusted God!!



Great response.  

It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, *He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry*.  Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)

I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God.  It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in.  I had to learn to humble myself about this desire.  He owes me nothing.  I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.


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## Shimmie (Dec 4, 2013)

Belle Du Jour said:


> Great response.
> 
> It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry.  Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)
> 
> ...



Lady Belle... 

You're at Peace... with God


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 4, 2013)

Belle Du Jour said:


> Great response.  It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry.  Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)  I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God.  It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in.  I had to learn to humble myself about this desire.  He owes me nothing.  I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.



I see where you are coming from but the bible says if you cannot wait any longer to marry. I'm not feeling like growing old by myself and never having the love of a mate. No matter how great my relationship with God is I still have blood running through my veins and feelings. That theory of accepting it is a tough pill to swallow. How can you not be bitter or sad. Idk


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## mscurly (Dec 4, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> I see where you are coming from but the bible says if you cannot wait any longer to marry. I'm not feeling like growing old by myself and never having the love of a mate. No matter how great my relationship with God is I still have blood running through my veins and feelings. That theory of accepting it is a tough pill to swallow. How can you not be bitter or sad. Idk



I understand how you feel Kinkyhairlady but you have to learn how to let go and surrender your desire for marriage to God. As I'm typing this I am saying this to myself also. I've been single and celibate for 2 years and now lately my desire for companionship is outweighing everything else. Some days I feel like I'm going crazy because I desire a husband and family that badly. But in those moments I pray and speak open and honestly to God about how I am feeling and instantly I feel peace. God desires a intimate relationship with us. I encourage you to pray when you have those feelings. 

Believe me I  am where you are. I've prayed, fasted, I read my bible EVERY single day. I've put myself out there, tried online dating, go to church, bible study, events, outings and I am still single. It gets discouraging when you feel like you have tried everything and still no results. 

You don't want your desire to turn into idolatry and desperation. Trust me I've been there. Take heart in knowing that you are not the only woman out there who feels like this. You are not alone. I'm dealing with these same struggles daily. All I can do is trust God because he's always been there for me before so my desires for a relationship are no different. The enemy wants us to grow weary in waiting and begin to doubt. Marriage is ministry and a blessing from the Lord so of course the devil doesn't want that to take place. Start praying now about your feelings, pray about your husband (wherever he is), pray about your marriage. Start thanking God in advance. 

As I'm saying all of this to you I'm also saying this to myself. 

This is for you and other woman who is feeling like this right now


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 4, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> No matter how great my relationship with God is I still have blood running through my veins and feelings. That theory of accepting it is a tough pill to swallow. How can you not be bitter or sad. Idk



We are also called to give thanks in all situations, even the messed up ones.  And suffering is redemptive. Look at Jesus who endured the cross for the joy waiting forHim! There are a lot of people in more messed up situations than being single who have JOY.  

Also, when I ask myself, "what's the alternative?" to accepting being single, the answers i come up with (settling, promiscuity, turning my back on God, bitterness, etc) can't even compare to what's waiting for us in eternity. Don't let Satan pull a mindtrick on you--life will go on if that spouse never comes. God is providing for you right now.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 4, 2013)

Belle Du Jour said:


> We are also called to give thanks in all situations, even the messed up ones.  And suffering is redemptive. Look at Jesus who endured the cross for the joy waiting forHim! There are a lot of people in more messed up situations than being single who have JOY.  Also, when I ask myself, "what's the alternative?" to accepting being single, the answers i come up with (settling, promiscuity, turning my back on God, bitterness, etc) can't even compare to what's waiting for us in eternity. Don't let Satan pull a mindtrick on you--life will go on if that spouse never comes. God is providing for you right now.



Life does go on but I don't think if someone ends up 70 yrs old never married no kids and grand kids can really look back with complete joy knowing they desired those things. I'm discouraged yes but I will not accept the fact that God may not have a mate for me. I want it and he says he will grant us our hearts desire. I'm not asking for riches just a husband and a chance to have my own family. I'm grateful for all I have and do thank him but I am becoming extremely sad and it's not healthy. I deal with it but inside my heart is in pain. I will take the advice I got in this thread but I honestly don't see me letting go of my desire for a husband just cause maybe that's not what God wants no way!


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 4, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Life does go on but I don't think if someone ends up 70 yrs old never married no decide and grand kids can really look back with complete joy knowing they desired those things. I'm discouraged yes but I will not accept the fact that God may not have a mate for me. I want it and he says he will grant us our hearts desire. I'm not asking for riches just a husband and a chance to have my own family. I'm grateful for all I have and do thank him but I am becoming extremely sad and it's not healthy. I deal with it but inside my heart is in pain. I will take the advice I got in this thread but I honestly don't see me letting go of my desire for a husband just cause maybe that's not what God wants no way!



I don't think you should give up hoping for a husband.---I haven't.  However, you may feel more content if you simply decide to accept whatever comes day by day. Abandonment to Divine Providence is a great book on the subject. God bless you!


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## bellatiamarie (Dec 4, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Life does go on but I don't think if someone ends up 70 yrs old never married no kids and grand kids can really look back with complete joy knowing they desired those things. I'm discouraged yes but I will not accept the fact that God may not have a mate for me. I want it and *he says he will grant us our hearts desire.* I'm not asking for riches just a husband and a chance to have my own family. I'm grateful for all I have and do thank him but I am becoming extremely sad and it's not healthy. I deal with it but inside my heart is in pain. I will take the advice I got in this thread but I honestly don't see me letting go of my desire for a husband just cause maybe that's not what God wants no way!



@ the bolded.... This is very true... But it's conditional... We often neglect the first part of these verses where God makes promises to us.... IF you "delight yourself in the Lord" THEN "he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4)... IF you "commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him" THEN "He will do it" (Psalms 37:5).... IF you "seek first the Kingdom of God and all of His righteousness" THEN "all of these things will be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33)... HE "must increase" and I "must decrease" (John 3:30)... IF "I am the vine, ye [are] the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him," THEN "the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing"(John 15:5)... IF you"commit thy works unto the LORD," THEN "thy thoughts shall be established"(Proverbs 16:3)... IF you "acknowledge Him in all your ways" THEN "He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:6)

We ultimately have to choose to serve God... We have to uphold our end of it by making a conscious choice to put Him first.  He promised His best for us if only we would commit our ways and surrender our hearts to Him.  Our first priority MUST be Him... Not a marriage or a spouse... Nor kids or finances.  To me, it's all about order... IF we truly allow the Lord to be number one in our lives... THEN all the rest will fall into place.  It gets tough... I'm in the same situation.  But as a poster mentioned above... God didn't put us here for the sole purpose of being married and living the happily ever after... It sounds good but that's a fairytale. Our sole purpose is to serve God, bring glory to Him and the Kingdom and love Him with our whole heart... Not just serve Him for the benefits or because we want something but because we love Him. God can give you all that you need... There's no doubt about it... But commit to doing your part because He is worthy of that sacrifice from us at all times no matter what the situation is... God wants us to show ourselves approved while we are single so that He will know that when we are married He will still remain first in our lives.  To me it seems like the proper order.


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## blessedandfavoured (Dec 5, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Thank you so much. You are right had I been reading my scriptures daily I would not have fallen pray to so many bad relationships. I will start reading frequently and pray. If anything comes out if it great if not at least I will get closer to God which is most important.





bellatiamarie said:


> blessedandfavoured Honey, you just stepped on my toes!! That was a word for me! Thank God!





Poohbear said:


> Great response blessedandfavoured!!!



You're welcome ladies, thanks be to God.  I don't post much, but I always hope that if I do, people will be edified, just as I have been by many of you ladies' posts.  This board has really helped me get closer to God!



Belle Du Jour said:


> We are also called to give thanks in all situations, even the messed up ones.  And suffering is redemptive. Look at Jesus who endured the cross for the joy waiting forHim! There are a lot of people in more messed up situations than being single who have JOY.
> 
> Also, when I ask myself, "what's the alternative?" to accepting being single, the answers i come up with (settling, promiscuity, turning my back on God, bitterness, etc) can't even compare to what's waiting for us in eternity. Don't let Satan pull a mindtrick on you--life will go on if that spouse never comes. God is providing for you right now.





bellatiamarie said:


> @ the bolded.... This is very true... But it's conditional... We often neglect the first part of these verses where God makes promises to us.... IF you "delight yourself in the Lord" THEN "he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4)... IF you "commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him" THEN "He will do it" (Psalms 37:5).... IF you "seek first the Kingdom of God and all of His righteousness" THEN "all of these things will be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33)... HE "must increase" and I "must decrease" (John 3:30)... IF "I am the vine, ye [are] the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him," THEN "the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing"(John 15:5)... IF you"commit thy works unto the LORD," THEN "thy thoughts shall be established"(Proverbs 16:3)... IF you "acknowledge Him in all your ways" THEN "He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:6)
> 
> We ultimately have to choose to serve God... We have to uphold our end of it by making a conscious choice to put Him first.  He promised His best for us if only we would commit our ways and surrender our hearts to Him.  Our first priority MUST be Him... Not a marriage or a spouse... Nor kids or finances.  To me, it's all about order... IF we truly allow the Lord to be number one in our lives... THEN all the rest will fall into place.  It gets tough... I'm in the same situation.  But as a poster mentioned above... God didn't put us here for the sole purpose of being married and living the happily ever after... It sounds good but that's a fairytale. Our sole purpose is to serve God, bring glory to Him and the Kingdom and love Him with our whole heart... Not just serve Him for the benefits or because we want something but because we love Him. God can give you all that you need... There's no doubt about it... But commit to doing your part because He is worthy of that sacrifice from us at all times no matter what the situation is... God wants us to show ourselves approved while we are single so that He will know that when we are married He will still remain first in our lives.  To me it seems like the proper order.



Amazing!  Thank you both so much, and may He reward you for your faithfulness to Him.  After all He has done for us, He really is worthy.  God bless us all, have a lovely day !


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## LovingLady (Dec 6, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady, I really appreciate you for being open and honest about your feels. I would love to give you a hug. 




Kinkyhairlady said:


> Thanks for your encouraging words. *I'm not sure how to prepare for my husband. Never got that concept. I can only be who I am what more can I do.* I pray and attend church. I try to read occasionally as well.



The way that you prepare is by being the best you that you can be, God will find someone that matches your traits and abilities. He only expects you to be the person He created you to be, when you do that you are honoring and glorifying Him. 



Belle Du Jour said:


> Great response.
> 
> It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, *He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry*.  Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)
> 
> I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God.  It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in.  I had to learn to humble myself about this desire.  He owes me nothing.*  I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.*



This has been happening to me lately and it is such a freeing experience. The more I get lost in God and His purpose for me the more marriage is not on my mind. It is almost as if there is no space for it in my thoughts.  



Kinkyhairlady said:


> I see where you are coming from but the bible says if you cannot wait any longer to marry. I'm not feeling like growing old by myself and never having the love of a mate. No matter how great my relationship with God is I still have blood running through my veins and feelings. That theory of accepting it is a tough pill to swallow. How can you not be bitter or sad. Idk



What helped to me to get to this point is two things:
1. Focusing on the plans God has for my life.
2. Showing myself the type  of love I would expect a man to show me. 

Doing those two things helped me to get to the point where I am so busy, and I love myself so much it is going to be hard for a man to come along and pull me away from me.   He is going to have to be truly amazing. In the end I am better off because  it means that I will not settle for anything less but God's best. 

(It took a lot of time and dedication for me to get to this point)


Thanks all the great advice ladies.  Even though I maybe ok with the idea of not getting married, it is still a desire I have. Your words have helped me to be even more ok with that idea and to continue to have faith. You ladies are the best.


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## Shimmie (Dec 6, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady ...

Just checking in on you, Angel.    

_"...for there is surely a future life, and what you hope for will not be cut off."  ----------Proverbs 23:18

_

_
Be not afraid... 'Only Believe'._


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## VelvetRain (Dec 7, 2013)

Belle Du Jour said:


> Great response.
> 
> It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, *He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry*.  Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)
> 
> I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God.  It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in.  I had to learn to humble myself about this desire.  He owes me nothing.  I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.




Are you sure about the above bolded. Where is the scriptural basis that says that? Remember it says at Proverbs 3: 5,6 to Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him and he himself will make your paths straight. 

If you think God is not capable of doing something you so desire then he simply will not because you have a lack of faith. Always remember God can and will do anything.

You can also note Psalms 37:4 which mentions God will give you the desires of your heart so if your desire is to marry you will have that desire fulfilled.  

Also 1 John 4:8 says God is love. So why wouldn't he want all us to have love as well if he is a God of love?

OP keep putting God first in your life and take delight in him and he will in his own time frame link you with that partner. Work on any emotional issues you have and get closer to God.

Best wishes.


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 7, 2013)

VelvetRain said:


> Are you sure about the above bolded. Where is the scriptural basis that says that? Remember it says at Proverbs 3: 5,6 to Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him and he himself will make your paths straight.
> 
> If you think God is not capable of doing something you so desire then he simpIts‘swill not because you have a lack of faith. Always remember God can and will do anything.
> 
> ...



Let's keep it real: The reality is that not all who want to marry will. The cause is sin. There are men who are caught up in the spirit of pornography or homosexuality who could have been a husband. They are not fulfilling their God-given biological design. All you have to do is look around at the available women without partners. 

That scriptures you quote are not about God giving us what we want. It is about asking Him to align our will with His--He is not a vending machine. We should ask for what we desire but always end with "Thy will be done" and "be it done to me according to Your word." We are first called to strive for holiness, whether thats via marriage or not. Frustration comes from not accepting where you are today.


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## Leona28 (Dec 7, 2013)

I remember thinking that way until I discovered that my focus was way off the main point of our existence. Yes I understand that we have desires and wants on this earth however Jesus is meant to be our main focus. When we will all die, we may have a husband or we may be single, but if we are idolizing being in a relationship/being married,etc, we may never be truly fulfilled (or whole.)

My story went like this...


For years I tried to get into that 'loving relationship' I so desired and sadly went out with men who didn't love Christ under the pretense that 'character is more valuable than faith.' After much cognitive dissonance, I lost my virginity to a guy who did not know how to love me (never mind himself) and was absolutely repulsed by the 'godly life.' From that point,  I vowed to date only guys who were Christian. (I was in my late 20s)

A few months later I met someone new BUT this guy was 'searching' while also living his life by his 'Id.' (Psychology term) He liked to debate about Christianity but his walk was his own, so to speak. We also 'slept together' despite much struggle and difficulty breaking from each other. We were together only 4 months when it had to finish because I knew we were living in 'sin.' 

I was actually relieved to be freed from him but equally felt numbed by what happened. My belief of dating men who were 'Christian' took on a deeper meaning and meant that this man had to be serious. 

I recall saying to the Lord that I could not keep on like this (battling sexual desires, desires to be with gorgeous looking non believing men and also wanting Christ.) I was broken and oh, I was disappointed. I wanted to be with someone to avoid sin and to have company for me. With my job, I moved quite frequently and therefore didn't have very many girlfriends. Work took up most of my week and time...

Then one day I got a desire from the Holy Spirit to return to a church I used to visit while in College. I was somewhat ambivalent about going back as I had left the church previously and many took it offensively. There were many new faces so I was happy about it. A church conference was taking place and therefore I went for it. I got prayed for and had been delivered by some prophets. They prophezied that I'd meet my husband before they'd be back in the country. They also poke directly from the Holy Spirit and knew exactly what was wrong and the things I had been harboring. 

To my ultimate surprise....

I met my husband 2 weeks later! My husband and I are very unique and don't fit into our cultural boxes.. Many would have stated that we should have stuck with 'our own' before we met each other however the desires in our hearts were for 'each other' despite having never met/seen each other.  We are very happily married a number of years now and I say it's because we both decided to let go of our sins - idolatry was a major part of my life as well as the occult and sexual sins. Once I was bear open to Christ, this is when He blessed me with my husband. 

My main encouragement and advice to you... is to be patient & to fall to your knees before Christ in order that He would show you spiritually where He wants you to be. Hebrews 12 is something you could read...

A man is a complement to your relationship in Christ. A man can not be the main focus, interest, desire. Once we all die, you would no longer be with your partner. It would all be about you and Him....Jesus HAS to be your main aim. Everything to be close to Jesus...

God bless you and remember He loves you very much. He placed those desires in you therefore let Him work on you..


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## Leona28 (Dec 7, 2013)

Did you know that the music we listen to can also be a hindrance to our spiritual growth....We have to be so careful because little things can be the biggest reasons behind our separation from God...take a rain check...


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## JaneBond007 (Dec 7, 2013)

Simply....


* Matthew 7:7*

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.


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## Leigh (Dec 7, 2013)

Belle Du Jour said:


> Great response.  It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry.  Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)  I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God.  It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in.  I had to learn to humble myself about this desire.  He owes me nothing.  I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.




I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9 KJV)

His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. (Matthew 19:10, 11 KJV)

Obviously everyone who wants to marry will do so. Otherwise they are already condemned according to scripture. Not everyone is called to be without a mate. 

God is for marriage. 

And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. (Genesis 9:7 KJV)

Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. (1 Corinthians 6:13 KJV)

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18 KJV)

In order to procreate scripturally, one must marry. Some people want to have sex.  The only way to do that scripturally is to marry. Not everyone can contain themselves or want to contain themselves. So evidently, since God doesn't wish any to perish and He designed the male and female body to fit together, He must guarantee everyone that wants to marry to marry. He is not a man to lie nor is he fickle. He says what He means.

A double minded man is evil in the sight of God and won't get anything. Shimmie made a good point about "faith". You either believe or you don't. If you don't, the lack of a mate is on you. Not God.


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## Shimmie (Dec 8, 2013)

Leona28 said:


> I remember thinking that way to discover that my focus was way off the main point. Yes we have desires and wants on this earth however Jesus is meant to be our main focus. When we will all die, we may have a husband or not, but the important thing is to not idolize being in a relationship/being married,etc.
> 
> My story went like this...
> 
> ...



Leona28...

What a beautiful testimony of strength, courage and love, most of all letting God be God in your beautiful heart and life. 

God bless you and your husband...'One Heart'.


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## Laela (Dec 8, 2013)

Leona28 ..thank  you for sharing your testimony here...  it's edifying!


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## VelvetRain (Dec 8, 2013)

Hmmm I asked for scriptural basis and yet you couldn't provide it but gave me your own viewpoint. You need to look at relationships in a spiritual way and not a worldly way.

People forget what Gods original plan was for this earth. He created Adam and Eve to live perfect lives in a paradise earth. They sinned and we were born into sin. He saw that Adam was lonely in that short time on earth without Eve. Therefore he created Eve out of Adams rib as a partner for him. What makes you think Gods planned has changed? He can look down and see many people in this thread are lonely without mates.

Seriously I encourage everyone not to doubt or talk yourself out of your own blessing because you have a lack of faith.


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## Leigh (Dec 8, 2013)

VelvetRain said:


> Hmmm I asked for scriptural basis and yet you couldn't provide it but gave me your own viewpoint. You need to look at relationships in a spiritual way and not a worldly way.  People forget what Gods original plan was for this earth. He created Adam and Eve to live perfect lives in a paradise earth. They sinned and we were born into sin. He saw that Adam was lonely in that short time on earth without Eve. Therefore he created Eve out of Adams rib as a partner for him. What makes you think Gods planned has changed? He can look down and see many people in this thread are lonely without mates.  Seriously I encourage everyone not to doubt or talk yourself out of your own blessing because you have a lack of faith.



Thank you. This is a very profound message. Often people talk themselves out of their blessings unknowingly. It could be through lack of knowledge, discouragement, lack of focus etc.   

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrews 11:6 NIV)

Preach girl! This is the same thing Shimmie was saying. It all boils down to faith.


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## Leona28 (Dec 8, 2013)

Shimmie Laela Thank you for your responses. I've edited my writing as lack of sleep sure does color clear English writing
I hope you will be blessed and that your own relationships with Christ will thrive and grow. Everything in life we take on board should be a complement to our main relationship with Christ. Not a distraction or deterrent. 

God bless you.


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## Leona28 (Dec 8, 2013)

I love Matthew 7:7 however please read the whole chapter instead of one verse on its own...sometimes verses can be taken out of context. For example Jeremiah 29:11, If you read that chapter, it was in fact a verse directed to the Jews at the time. We are not the replacement Jews....
Please read: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/stop-taking-jeremiah-2911-out-context


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 8, 2013)

Leigh said:


> Obviously everyone who wants to marry will do so. Otherwise they are already condemned according to scripture. Not everyone is called to be without a mate.
> 
> God is for marriage.
> 
> ...




This has nothing to do with being double minded.  Absolutely God is 100% promarriage.  However, His ways are above our own.  Marriage is a gift and anyone who can 100% guarantee that God promises marriage to anyone and everyone who wants is does not understand how a gift is given.  Show me where it says anywhere that everyone who wants to marry will do so?

The REALITY is there are many many singles who never get married despite wanting to get married.  Can you explain this in light of your insistence that "everyone who wants to marry will marry?"   Y'all are acting like I'm saying something new  A generation of women after WWI simply died spinsters because there was a generation of men who were lost.  

Also while you are speaking of literal fruitfulness, there is spiritual fruitfulness.  Women, life-bearers, are able to "give life" in many ways, not just to children.  Check out Isaiah  What about barren women who can't procreate?  Are they not fruitful in other ways?

Also, your last statement makes no sense.  You are basically saying that if you want something and you didn't get it, it was your fault.   Blame the victim much?  Again, God is not a vending machine and God orchestrates marriage for His purpose.  Unless you 100% know God's specific purpose for your life (beyond becoming holy) then you really can't say that.  I'm not really sure why people are getting so up in arms about my views. erplexed  

Marriage is a high and holy calling, not a default vocation if one if not called to religious life.  It is a gift.  It is a beautiful gift, but it is NOT a right.  God owes us nothing.  I suspect this attitude of "I desire this and it's good so I deserve it" is holding a lot of us back.  We need to say just let go and say "THY WILL BE DONE, whether that's marriage or not."  I'm not saying I'm perfect but I have had a lot of peace since I surrendered to God's perfect and holy will.  If He blesses me with marriage and children, it will not be because I conjured it up  It will be because He knows it is the best path for me to walk in holiness in this life.  And on that note (since I'm stepping on some toes) I'll exit stage right. 

May God bless all of us who desire marriage a spouse and the grace to accept his will for us in EVERY season. Amen.


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 8, 2013)

VelvetRain said:


> Hmmm I asked for scriptural basis and yet you couldn't provide it but gave me your own viewpoint. You need to look at relationships in a spiritual way and not a worldly way.
> 
> People forget what Gods original plan was for this earth. He created Adam and Eve to live perfect lives in a paradise earth. They sinned and we were born into sin. He saw that Adam was lonely in that short time on earth without Eve. Therefore he created Eve out of Adams rib as a partner for him. What makes you think Gods planned has changed? He can look down and see many people in this thread are lonely without mates.
> 
> Seriously I encourage everyone not to doubt or talk yourself out of your own blessing because you have a lack of faith.



VelvetRain, your response is very condescending which you may or may not not be aware of.  I'm VERY comfortable with the information that I've gleaned from the Bible and various scholars about marriage.  I think there is a difference to surrendering our desires to God and lacking faith.  I know that my faith is solid.


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## Leigh (Dec 8, 2013)

Belle Du Jour said:


> This has nothing to do with being double minded.  Absolutely God is 100% promarriage.  However, His ways are above our own.  Marriage is a gift and anyone who can 100% guarantee that God promises marriage to anyone and everyone who wants is does not understand how a gift is given.  Show me where it says anywhere that everyone who wants to marry will do so?  The REALITY is there are many many singles who never get married despite wanting to get married.  Can you explain this in light of your insistence that "everyone who wants to marry will marry?"   Y'all are acting like I'm saying something new  A generation of women after WWI simply died spinsters because there was a generation of men who were lost.  Also while you are speaking of literal fruitfulness, there is spiritual fruitfulness.  Women, life-bearers, are able to "give life" in many ways, not just to children.  Check out Isaiah  What about barren women who can't procreate?  Are they not fruitful in other ways?  Also, your last statement makes no sense.  You are basically saying that if you want something and you didn't get it, it was your fault.   Blame the victim much?  Again, God is not a vending machine and God orchestrates marriage for His purpose.  Unless you 100% know God's specific purpose for your life (beyond becoming holy) then you really can't say that.  I'm not really sure why people are getting so up in arms about my views. erplexed  Marriage is a high and holy calling, not a default vocation if one if not called to religious life.  It is a gift.  It is a beautiful gift, but it is NOT a right.  God owes us nothing.  I suspect this attitude of "I desire this and it's good so I deserve it" is holding a lot of us back.  We need to say just let go and say "THY WILL BE DONE, whether that's marriage or not."  I'm not saying I'm perfect but I have had a lot of peace since I surrendered to God's perfect and holy will.  If He blesses me with marriage and children, it will not be because I conjured it up  It will be because He knows it is the best path for me to walk in holiness in this life.  And on that note (since I'm stepping on some toes) I'll exit stage right.  May God bless all of us who desire marriage a spouse and the grace to accept his will for us in EVERY season. Amen.



I'm not up in arms. I'm just keeping it real. Some want to get married, I agree. There are those who aren't called to be single and that's fact. So since that's the case and the scriptures tell them to marry, obviously they can marry. Why would God tell someone to do something they can't do.  Like He told the children of Israel to take the land. Not everybody did so right away. Joshua asked them what were they waiting for    

So Joshua said to the Israelites: “How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your ancestors, has given you? (Joshua 18:3 NIV)  

What I am saying, is that if you want something and it's God will you will get it if you have faith. Jesus said ain't everybody called to be a eunuch, so obviously those who aren't called to remain single, have the option if they believe. This is scripture not conjecture. God is not going to prevent anyone who isn't called to be single from marrying. Point blank.   

He said it, so I believe it! As for my last statement it makes perfect sense. It's scripture.   

I would certainly hope you aren't involved in witchcraft. That's definitely against scripture. If that's not what you mean, why use the term conjure.  

It's really sly to put it out there people should burn in hell because it's the will of God instead of having "faith" in due season God will provide them with a suitable mate.   

As far as barren women are concerned, what is your point? My point is simply that there are people who can and want to procreate. There are people who want a spouse, there are people who love making love. Scripturally they are instructed to do those things within the confines of marriage. They are instructed to marry. You say, they may not get married.  

So do we believe you or do we believe God?  

Let me say this:    

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15 NIV)  

To clarify, you didn't step on my toes.  And, I skipped through your post so I may have missed something. Regardless, the message is the same. I stand on the Word of God not the belief of man.


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## ivyness (Jul 8, 2015)

@Kinkyhairlady I note you are now married


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## Galadriel (Jul 9, 2015)

Aww, didn't even see that the OP was from 2013. Well, I guess my words can stand for anyone needing encouraging words 



Kinkyhairlady said:


> But why do I have to be constantly reminded that I'm single by seeing all these married couples everywhere I look. Sometimes even going to church is depressing cause I'll have this cute little family sitting in front of me and all I can do is focus on them. I feel like either I'm cursed or being punished for my past sins. Are there any prayers for feeling this way? Any bible versus I can read daily? I'm frustrated, hurt and angry at myself and sometimes even with God but I try to not be angry with him cause I know he knows best. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Am I not good enough for him to send me someone that is of good quality? I don't know how to pray for this anymore



First of all,



There are some people that just *know* they were meant for marriage, and there's nothing wrong with that. Marriage is a beautiful blessing. I'm sorry you feel frustrated and let down, but also remember that a relationship, especially one leading to marriage, takes time and work.

I don't believe God necessarily picks out a specific, individual person that you just HAVE to meet, and if you miss him, then it's over. I think that there are several possibilities out there, and it's up to you and that SO/potential SO to make it work, with God being at the center of it all.

I might sound repetitive re-giving the general advice about meeting quality men through your church, community/civic activities, or through one of your hobbies. Sometimes as a woman looking for a good guy and knowing that she wants marriage, it's not always easy to navigate because it seems so many people in our culture are into non-commitment, hooking up, etc.

I'm sure some of the other ladies here can help chime in with some encouragement and advice. I'm confident that you WILL find what you're looking for, so in the mean time, just prepare yourself by being the best version of *you* that you can be


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