# Won by the chaste conversation of their wives...



## Pooks (May 19, 2012)

"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."
1 Peter 3: 1-2 (NIV)

Discuss.  (Yes like an exam question, lol)

Anyone have any, real life testimonies, experiences (yours or second hand) to share on this subject?


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## Shimmie (May 20, 2012)

Several... I'm saving my space lol to come back later with some very encouraging testimonies.


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## SweetSimplicity (May 20, 2012)

My understanding of this verse is that Peter is refering to wives married to unbelievers or who have husbands that are believers but are not living lives obedient to God. A married christian women's greatest ministry is to her family. For those who find themself in this situation( married to an unbeliever) the best way to witness to our husbands is by our attitude and behavior. Not by nagging or manipulation. We are not our husbands Holy Spirit. When we love and accept them like Christ does for us and pray for them constantly and trust that the Holy Spirit will work in them. Changes can happen. Many times they will be drawn to Christ if they are able to see Christ through us.( If we are acting Christ like).


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## Shimmie (May 20, 2012)

naturalmermaid said:


> My understanding of this verse is that Peter is refering to wives married to unbelievers or who have husbands that are believers but are not living lives obedient to God. A married christian women's greatest ministry is to her family. For those who find themself in this situation( married to an unbeliever) the best way to witness to our husbands is by our attitude and behavior. Not by nagging or manipulation. We are not our husbands Holy Spirit. When we love and accept them like Christ does for us and pray for them constantly and trust that the Holy Spirit will work in them. Changes can happen. Many times they will be drawn to Christ if they are able to see Christ through us.( If we are acting Christ like).



naturalmermaid ... Beautiful answer, so full of Truth ... 

Pooks ... thank you for this thread.   As I promised above: 

*Here's one of my testimonies.  *

My 1st husband came to the Lord by my living witness.    I gave my life to the Lord after we were divorced.   I fell in love with Jesus and the difference in me was obvious to everyone.   Jesus is all I talked about...Jesus and the Word of God.   I didn't preach, I just shared how God's Word is so powerful and how God has a Word for every situation in our lives.    

I spent every moment that I could reading the Word, in Prayer and Confessing God's Word over my life and the lives of others around me and whoever God brought into my path as a witness.  

Yet the one person that I avoided praying for was my 1st husband.  The prayers were so powerful and I was 'fearful' that God was going to  bring us back together and I didn't want to go back to that heartache.  We went through too much and I just wanted to go forward and to stay in the good place that I was in with Jesus.   I was so safe with the Lord, safer than I'd ever felt in my life and I didn't want to lose that safe haven.   

God's plan was different.   One day as I was preparing for an evening service at Church, the phone rang and it was him.  There was such a calm over both of us and I found myself asking him if he knew Jesus as his Lord and if he wanted to pray.   I'll never forget his words, "Wait ... While I go and get my Mom's Bible."   He was back on the phone in seconds.   I lead the prayer, I could feel the melting of his heart through each word he repeated and how deeply sorry he was for all of the hurt and the pain that he had caused in our marriage.  He was deeply repenting before God and to me.   

I felt so 'free' after praying with him, it was the forgiveness that I had not given for him and God lead me to prayer 'WITH' him, to know what true forgiveness was.   I forgave him... so easily.  The 'fear' of him was gone.  

We became very good friends from that moment, we talked often and I found out that he had been 'watching and listening' to my walk with Jesus all along, through our children.  I just didn't know it for I had been keeping him at such a distance, not realizing that my walk was ministering to him and bringing his heart to the Lord.

The good news...he had been ill for a long, long time.   Street drugs had taken a toll over his life, however God extended his life for our daughter to know him as our son did.   And he lived to see his first two grandchildren and to hold them, love and hug them and to buy baby things for them.   

When he passed away, one of his nurses who happened to be one of my Church members, who has been following his care for some time, said that the doctors did not expect him to live as long as he did... yet God knew better and extended his life... for such a beautiful reason;  "Love".   

To God be the glory... Amen and Amen.


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## MSee (May 21, 2012)

Shimmie said:


> @naturalmermaid ... Beautiful answer, so full of Truth ...
> 
> @Pooks ... thank you for this thread. As I promised above:
> 
> ...


 
^^^Needs to be repeated. Thanks Shimmie for that testimony.

Pooks, I can say it works but it may take time. I believe the rest of the passage that encourages wife to put their trust in God and do not fear (paraphrasing) is critical in obeying the first part. 

There was a time when I was praying for help in my marriage wanting to obey the scripture but just not practicing what I read (Some how because I 'knew' the scripture I thought somehow I was 'doing'). To break my stubborness in this area God exposed me to some 'in your face' sort of material. I had to read the book 'Created to be His Help meet', several times before I start practicing what I was learning and saw change in me, but I just kept praying and believing and God kept dealing with "ME" and seemed to be leaving my husband up to his devices. Change came suddenly after I had truly shifted my focus and learned to trust God completely and practicing submission. Now I'm reading 'The Excellent Wife' and I would highly recommend it to any woman married or not. It really breaks down the scripture into the practical. I must say God may teach us and lead us in understanding His word in different ways. In this particular area for me He used books along with what His Spirit was prompting inside.

I'm in no way where I should be, but I keep seeking, learning, practicing and growing. Sometimes it's scary how much my husband now listens to my words as I stop trying to force him to listen. I'm  focusing on the part the talks about a 'meek quiet spirit' and learning to not take advantage of his listening. Even more amazing is how God started fighting for me as I released everything up to Him.

_1 Peter 3:2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear._


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## Pooks (May 25, 2012)

I've not forgotten about or abandoned this thread. I shall be back to respond. In the meantime, for anyone who needs to read its contents or share... BUMP!


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## Pooks (Jun 2, 2012)

naturalmermaid

Thank you for contributing - the bolded especially stood out to me...



naturalmermaid said:


> *We are not our husbands Holy Spirit. *When we love and accept them like Christ does for us and pray for them constantly and trust that the Holy Spirit will work in them. Changes can happen. Many times they will be drawn to Christ if they are able to see Christ through us.( If we are acting Christ like).



Shimmie, that was an awesome testimony...




MSee said:


> ... I just kept praying and believing and God kept dealing with "ME" and seemed to be leaving my husband up to his devices. Change came suddenly after I had truly shifted my focus and learned to trust God completely and practicing submission. Now I'm reading 'The Excellent Wife' and I would highly recommend it to any woman married or not. It really breaks down the scripture into the practical.
> 
> I'm in no way where I should be, but I keep seeking, learning, practicing and growing. Sometimes it's scary how much my husband now listens to my words as I stop trying to force him to listen. I'm  focusing on the part the talks about a 'meek quiet spirit' and learning to not take advantage of his listening. Even more amazing is how God started fighting for me as I released everything up to Him.



MSee  It's so funny that when we spend time running telling tales to God, many times He puts us to sit and look in the mirror at ourselves and we are really a mess!  I'm learning...  Thank you for sharing your testimony and the book.  Can you share any of the practical pointers it gives?

Any more testimonies?


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## SweetSimplicity (Jun 5, 2012)

http://www.marriagemissions.com/won-without-a-word/

Some practical tips for winning your husband without a word.


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## Laela (Jun 6, 2012)

Such wisdom..... 

I will say, if a person does not want to live for God, they won't. It's a choice. We can't force them. God won't.  I'll share two scenarios:

*My own parents: *I remember when my mom got saved and she tried to get Daddy to go to church. The first (and only time) he did, he fell asleep and was snoring so hard in the back pew I was embarrassed. I could only imagine her pain and frustration back then...she left him alone. Newly saved and on fire for God ... she was determined to live for God despite having a unambitious, gambling husband. I saw Christ in my mom and the devil start at her the minute she got saved. She took in a baby my dad had on the side, because she couldn't bear seeing him live in the condition the child's mother had him living in. She cared for that baby like he was her own and took him to church (without Daddy). I don't know how many women would do that. I remember him ridiculing and mocking her when she prayed... telling her she won't change, getting upset that she was "going to church too much" and being jealous of her new man, Jesus; She knew then what was going on. Still, she was his wife and didn't stop showing him God's love: cooking for him, washing his clothes, telling us to respect our father and praying. I doubt sex was still a part of the marriage. lol.. But she was a praying wife as the marriage unraveled. She ended up having to divorce him... which I hated. I believed God had another path for Mom.  She continues to pray for Dad's salvation (he's re-married, she's single)...so the devil never did stop her _ministry_.

*A radio wife:* A woman once called into a Christian talk show, asking how she could *get her husband to go *back to church. The host told her "do nothing and just go to church". Don't yell at him. Don't lay guilt trips. Just pray for him and go to church. She was beside herself at the advice, but did anyway...when that first Sunday came, he was up, watching TV in the living room.. and she got dressed and told him have a nice day, she's heading for church.  He didn't look away from the TV.. lol  Each Sunday, she did the same thing... she found herself not yelling at him anymore and telling him he needed to go to church. Over time, the husband noticed her leaving and eventually he joined her one Sunday.  


I pray for my husband all the time, to encourage his spirit in the Lord. So, I agree a woman's greatest ministry is her family.. when I first got married, I used to get on my husband's case about church, tithing, etc, (shame, I know... lol). Until, I  heard that on-air advice (and got ministered to by Mom and hubby as well )  I've checked myself since then and learned to submit to my husband.  There were times ox wasn't muzzled.. lol. So I've learned and am still learning...  I thank God for His Grace and Mercy because He has done some work on me.



naturalmermaid said:


> My understanding of this verse is that Peter is refering to wives married to unbelievers or who have husbands that are believers but are not living lives obedient to God. *A married christian women's greatest ministry is to her family. For those who find themself in this situation( married to an unbeliever) the best way to witness to our husbands is by our attitude and behavior. Not by nagging or manipulation.* We are not our husbands Holy Spirit. When we love and accept them like Christ does for us and pray for them constantly and trust that the Holy Spirit will work in them. Changes can happen. Many times they will be drawn to Christ if they are able to see Christ through us.( If we are acting Christ like).


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## MSee (Jun 10, 2012)

Pooks, I just saw your mention today. Been away from lhcf for a while. There's so much info in the book. To summarise 1 thing that stood out most for me was the "put off" and "put on" principle. This has to do with renewing your mind. Examine yourself prayerfully, find the scriptures that deal with your particular issue (what you should "put off") then find one that deals with what attitude or characteristic you need to replace it (what you should "put on"). For example I had a problem with anger. I use to justify it because over the years I had been though much and when I started expressing myself it was in rage and it became a habit, the 'go to' attitude when things don't go my way. I had been dealing with it as I make it a habit to examine myself often enough so I had already identified, wrote out and learned Collosians 3:8 which says 

_But now you must rid yourself of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice slander, and filth language from your lips._

After reading the put-off/put-on principle I realise it was now more important for me to learn and do Collosians 3:12 

_Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience_.

I saw a faster change when I did that. The book also encourages you to be mindful of your thoughts and how to replace negative thoughts. It gives examples.

Also spelling out the signs of bitterness actually made my "sweet" self realise I had grown bitter over somethings my husband had done. The common signs she listed:

1. Gossip and slander: It often happens in the process of complaining to some one who really can't help you anyway. Also when you have nothing or very little good to say about your husband. 

2. Ungrateful and complaining: I think that speaks fo itself. She was referring to an unthankful attitude when your husband does something for you.

3. Judges motives: Whatever he does is suspect in her eyes. (I had become guilty of this) By the way she gives scripture referrences and the one for this I certainly appreciated, 1 Corinthians 4:5.

4. Self centered: Becoming self absorbed and fixated on your hurts.
etc, etc. (vengeful, brooding (I was so guilty), loss of joy, critical and judgemental attitude)

I like the section on when not to submit and warned against the "doormat theology" (he's my cross and I'm suffering for the Lord). There is a time when doing what is right may be hard but true loves does not delight in evil (1 Corinthians 13:6). She does however gives a guide on taking and giving reproof since correcting one another the right way (if both are Christians) is helping each other grow in Christ. I haven't reached the section that is specifically for wives with unsaved husbands but frankly I think most of the advice so far is relevant for that too. Frankly the book is loaded and I know I'll have to reread several times to get most of the advice done.

(off to visit the rest of the forum. Don't know when I'll be back once I'm done)


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## nomadpixi (Mar 20, 2014)

Love this topic. I am renewing my walk with Jesus and am also with a man that is not (yet) a believer. I hope others will chime in with testimony. This is a lovely thread. Thank you.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Mar 20, 2014)

loved this thread ...it's filled with hope for the (saved/unsaved) married couple .


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## JaneBond007 (Mar 20, 2014)

MSee said:


> 1. Gossip and slander: *It often happens in the process of complaining to some one who really can't help you anyway.* Also when you have nothing or very little good to say about your husband.
> 
> 2. Ungrateful and complaining: I think that speaks fo itself. She was referring to an unthankful attitude when your husband does something for you.
> 
> ...



Please don't take offense, I'm only addressing this, not you nor anyone's faith.  But isn't this just the result of being abused?  Aren't these normally the steps one takes while exiting such a horrible situation and these traits are by default as one purges self of the negativity?  I find too often that christian women are held to unattainable standards whereas men never are.  She can't hurt and experience pain ....he needs a woman to raise him out of the dust rather than step-up himself?  She's supposed to snap back immediately or fear being seen as bitter whereas he can take all the years he needs to grow up?  This reminds me of the people I think are correct who criticize the Black church.  Well, I've seen cases in the catholic church as well, soooo.  It's as though G-d is absolutely blind to the psychology of mankind.


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## momi (Mar 21, 2014)

Somehow when we develop Godly character and operate in our role as a wife it makes us more "attractive" to our husbands.  In turn the husbands head is turned toward his wife and how he can lead and "please" her.... which causes him to seek The Lord. 

It's a mystery!


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## HWAY (Mar 22, 2014)

https://www.reviveourhearts.com/resource-library/30-day-challenges/


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## LiftedUp (Mar 22, 2014)

*Discussion:*

Why am I marrying him if he doesn't believe the word?  Doesn't it contradict being equally yoked with your partner?
*
Second-hand testimony:*

One of my favorite pre-marital books (written by a friend and neigbour of a family friend) speaks on this.  She married her husband and he was not a Christian.  Her parents were pastors I believe or very affliated and connected to the church.  She defied them and married him anyway.  Through her love and devotion to Christ however, her turned his life around and began to live for Christ also.  He was not a bad person but he did things that she didn't believe in like drinking, smoking etc.  He was a wonderful husband and father and very devoted to his wife and children.  Because of his devotion and commitment, she (the wife) was able to go back to school, earn her Masters degree and Doctorate and author this and many other books.

He died a couple of years ago from lung cancer because though he was diagnosed with the disease he refused to give up smoking.
She said that the only regret is defying her parents even though her husband was a great man in all aspects of his life.  She said that it was a commandment that she broke and ultimately caused her heartache in the end (the constant smoking and ultimate death) and she wouldn't advice another young woman to do the same though he was great man despite his faults.  One of their sons took up his father's vices as well.


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## momi (Mar 24, 2014)

LiftedUp said:


> Discussion:  Why am I marrying him if he doesn't believe the word?  Doesn't it contradict being equally yoked with your partner?  Second-hand testimony:  One of my favorite pre-marital books (written by a friend and neigbour of a family friend) speaks on this.  She married her husband and he was not a Christian.  Her parents were pastors I believe or very affliated and connected to the church.  She defied them and married him anyway.  Through her love and devotion to Christ however, her turned his life around and began to live for Christ also.  He was not a bad person but he did things that she didn't believe in like drinking, smoking etc.  He was a wonderful husband and father and very devoted to his wife and children.  Because of his devotion and commitment, she (the wife) was able to go back to school, earn her Masters degree and Doctorate and author this and many other books.  He died a couple of years ago from lung cancer because though he was diagnosed with the disease he refused to give up smoking. She said that the only regret is defying her parents even though her husband was a great man in all aspects of his life.  She said that it was a commandment that she broke and ultimately caused her heartache in the end (the constant smoking and ultimate death) and she wouldn't advice another young woman to do the same though he was great man despite his faults.  One of their sons took up his father's vices as well.



Right - it is prudent and commanded by scripture not to join together with an unbeliever. 
Considering the audience I can understand why this passage was necessary though. This is early in church history and many were being converted as a result of hearing the gospel for the first time. I'm sure the majority of hem were already married. Imagine a newly believing wife married to an unconverted husband. Peter is giving wisdom on how she should treat her husband in light of her new faith.


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## LiftedUp (Mar 24, 2014)

momi said:


> Right - it is prudent and commanded by scripture not to join together with an unbeliever.
> Considering the audience I can understand why this passage was necessary though. This is early in church history and many were being converted as a result of hearing the gospel for the first time. I'm sure the majority of hem were already married. Imagine a newly believing wife married to an unconverted husband. Peter is giving wisdom on how she should treat her husband in light of her new faith.




Oh!!!! Thank you for the explanation momi!


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