# Church Groupies.



## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

I don't think we had this topic before.  I did a search before I posted but nothing came up on this subject.  I know this is a Christian forum and I have thought about posting this topic and I certainly didn't want to offend anyone here.  I was talking to some friends last night and we talked about churches and the choir then someone brought up about women who come to church just to land a man.  I told her that is nothing new there. I knew that but my friends said that it's more deeper.  There are women who come for the sole purpose of gettig with someone with a title.  Even the pastor whether or not he's married.  

My friend told me years ago before she moved here that a pastor's wife passed away.  Before the woman is cold in the ground women where running up on him already.   They had no shame!!  Also, if a man has a title like Minister Of Music, Usher Board even Associate Pastor you best believe they are no exception.

I know that this may come off as a scandalous topic but still I think it needs to be addressed because I have discovered that there are some notorious church groupies especially the ones who are trying to get next to the pastor to become the First Lady or should I say First Mistress. 

Have you all experience or have known someone like this? I find it hard to believe but nothing surprise me.  I can see if they are trying to be discreet (eventhough it's wrong) about it since this has always been going on but now it's like there is no shame!

There is more I want to add but I want to see your responses.


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## PaperClip (Dec 7, 2006)

I mean, whatcha wanna know FOR REAL? Hmmmm.... 

I think we forget that church folk are PEOPLE, too. Humans in flesh. Flesh cries out. Flesh lusts. Flesh is attracted to POWER. People with TITLES carry some form of POWER. There's nothing new under the sun. With that said, I got two stories.

At my childhood church, the bishop's wife passed away about 5-6 years ago. They had been married like close to 45-50 years. Well, shortly after, of course the women were looking to see who could be the next bishop's wife. Going as far as taking dishes of food over to the bishop's house. Well, the bishop married a lady from out of town. Many of the women left the church after that.

At my current church, I have worked closely to the wife of the bishop. At her teaching, we do not use the term "first lady" because it implies that there are "other" ladies. Actually, she has earned and carries the title of "pastor" as she directly works alongside her husband in ministry. I have worked in church administration. I have seen women say and do some things that I did not think was appropriate. One of these women even confronted me about what I should or should not make known to the pastor's wife because it was well known that I did a lot of work for her and I am LOYAL to her. She's my spiritual mom. What I also found out is that God has a way of shifting things and moving folk out the way. I saw (and continue to see) my bishop's wife take her cares and concerns RIGHT to the Lord and such foolishness don't stick and stay for long AT ALL.


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

*At my childhood church, the bishop's wife passed away about 5-6 years ago. They had been married like close to 45-50 years. Well, shortly after, of course the women were looking to see who could be the next bishop's wife. Going as far as taking dishes of food over to the bishop's house. Well, the bishop married a lady from out of town. Many of the women left the church after that.
*
WHAT!!!!!!!!! 

I can't believe that.   See that's what I mean these women have no shame!!  I'm glad he married someone out of town.  That's the best thing to do.  Sixteen years old my pastor came here and he was single.  Right after they hired him the deacons told him not to marry anyone from the church.  I thought that was kinda personal because he should be able to marry who ever he wants.  But as the years passed the women tried to get there daughters to marry him but they didn't know the truth like I did.  My mom is close friends with the deacon wife.  Boy was they shocked when he announced that he asked the lady who he been seeing for  a year to be his wife.  No one knew her nor was she's a member of the church. 

Honey, I heard women where crying and left the church.  To me that was funny.  But I'm glad he choose her because she's a beautiful spirit.


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## SUPER SWEET (Dec 7, 2006)

Unfortunately I know all too well  My godfather is the* Head of the Deacon board,good business, goodlooking and single.* He has had his share of groupies and someone elses' . As we would leave to go to dinner after church the women would flock to see if they could be escorted by such a nice man.erplexed. His reputation wasnt' enough to deter them, they want to see and feel it first hand.  My godfather in his early 70's has no shame either .
 My favorite story to share...  Ivy got up in front of the church to annouce his proposal and women literally got up during up the speech and hurried out in tears ,one woman shouted NOOOOOOOOOOOOO please don't,passing out and after church it got worse....the begging in the coat room 
 It got so bad, the Pastor had to speak on their behavior during the next service.
I think its just to power and prestige of having a leader in the church. Just like a celebrity or baller.


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## GodsPromises (Dec 7, 2006)

The same thing happened at my church.  Pastor's wife died and when he married some of the ladies wouldn't accept the new First Lady because they wanted him.  In fact one Friends and Family day the speaker got up there and said " Ladies y'all need to relax, don't be mad because he choose her and not you, don't hate the player hate the game" .  He was right on point because the now first lady is the sweetest person you would want on your side but she was and still is given a hard way to go.

I have stated and I will continue to state ladies goes after the bishops and pastor's because they think that they is so much power, pretise and money.  Being a pastor's wife is not easy.  YOu are placed in the background and if something in the ministry comes up guess who will be put second.


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## Sweet C (Dec 7, 2006)

Me personally, I understand the whole power dynamic, but I never understood the whole attraction to the pastor, associate pastor, etc.  One who is married to a pastor lives a life of service and serious intercession, not including whatever else she does (i.e. raising children, working, etc.) so don't let the fancy hats and suits fool you to thinking that there is all there is to it.  

One of my friends from college goes to a pretty large church, and her bishop's wife died about 2 years ago, and they had been married 40+ years.  Well, then the troupe came along baking, trying to make office and home visits.  My friend was telling me she was so glad that he had good staff around him, b/c pretty much a deacon or someone had to be with him 24/7 to ward off these crazy women, and the staff handled them so that they didn't even get to him.  Now most won't even try for fear of getting strongly rebuked.


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

mysweetevie said:
			
		

> Unfortunately I know all too well  My godfather is the* Head of the Deacon board,good business, goodlooking and single.* He has had his share of groupies and someone elses' . As we would leave to go to dinner after church the women would flock to see if they could be escorted by such a nice man.erplexed. His reputation wasnt' enough to deter them, they want to see and feel it first hand.  My godfather in his early 70's has no shame either .
> My favorite story to share... Ivy got up in front of the church to annouce his proposal and women literally got up during up the speech and hurried out in tears ,one woman shouted NOOOOOOOOOOOOO please don't,passing out and after church it got worse....the begging in the coat room
> It got so bad, the Pastor had to speak on their behavior during the next service.
> I think its just to power and prestige of having a leader in the church. Just like a celebrity or baller.


 
YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME? 

I can't believe this.  They actually got up and shouted?!  I guess everybody will remember the service that day.  What were they begging about and to whom?  I'm confused on that.

But you are right.  It's more of the prestige than power because those women want to be on a pedestal.  I'm sorry but I cannot see myself as a minister's wife.  I'm too free-spirited and go my own way.  More like an individual.  I can't be someohting that I'm not or be what I'm suppose to be to set an example.  Nope.  Too constricting.


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

LadyR said:
			
		

> The same thing happened at my church. Pastor's wife died and when he married some of the ladies wouldn't accept the new First Lady because they wanted him. In fact one Friends and Family day the speaker got up there and said " Ladies y'all need to relax, don't be mad because he choose her and not you, don't hate the player hate the game" . He was right on point because the now first lady is the sweetest person you would want on your side but she was and still is given a hard way to go.
> 
> I have stated and I will continue to state ladies goes after the bishops and pastor's because they think that they is so much power, pretise and money. Being a pastor's wife is not easy. YOu are placed in the background and if something in the ministry comes up guess who will be put second.


 
That's a shame to treat her like that.  As for you, continue to support her because she's going to need it.  She will remember you for it and you may be the only one she consider a TRUE friend.  It's going to be hard for her to wonder who is on her side for WHO she is on the inside or WHAT she is as her status goes.

If I was her husband/pastor I would put those women in their places.


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

Sweet C said:
			
		

> Me personally, I understand the whole power dynamic, but I never understood the whole attraction to the pastor, associate pastor, etc. One who is married to a pastor lives a life of service and serious intercession, not including whatever else she does (i.e. raising children, working, etc.) so don't let the fancy hats and suits fool you to thinking that there is all there is to it.
> 
> One of my friends from college goes to a pretty large church, and her bishop's wife died about 2 years ago, and they had been married 40+ years. Well, then the troupe came along baking, trying to make office and home visits. My friend was telling me she was so glad that he had good staff around him, b/c pretty much a deacon or someone had to be with him 24/7 to ward off these crazy women, and the staff handled them so that they didn't even get to him. Now most won't even try for fear of getting strongly rebuked.


 
GOOD!! I'm glad that the staff is looking out for him.  I would love to see the looks of those faces when they put him in check.


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## SUPER SWEET (Dec 7, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?
> 
> I can't believe this.  They actually got up and shouted?!  I guess everybody will remember the service that day.  *What were they begging about and to whom? * I'm confused on that.
> 
> But you are right.  It's more of the prestige than power because those women want to be on a pedestal.  I'm sorry but I cannot see myself as a minister's wife.  I'm too free-spirited and go my own way.  More like an individual.  I can't be someohting that I'm not or be what I'm suppose to be to set an example.  Nope.  Too constricting.


Begging him not to get married...


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

mysweetevie said:
			
		

> Begging him not to get married...


 
*AW LAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!  YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?!!!!!!!!!  *

Now I know I heard it all!   Those are some hardup women!!  Don't these women know that they are being 'obvious?'  I know they look pathetic.


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## SUPER SWEET (Dec 7, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> *AW LAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!  YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?!!!!!!!!!  *
> 
> Now I know I heard it all!   Those are some hardup women!!  Don't these women know that they are being 'obvious?'  I know they look pathetic.


The thing that made me laugh was dont get married I cant mess with a married man, but I can do all that freaky stuff while we are unmarried. I was there one day when we came in from shopping and Sister ____ was in a nice nighty cooking. I just left out the house   My godfather says this quote "I'm a man first, deacon second".


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

mysweetevie said:
			
		

> The thing that made me laugh was dont get married I cant mess with a married man, but I can do all that freaky stuff while we are unmarried. I was there one day when we came in from shopping and Sister ____ was in a nice nighty cooking. I just left out the house  My godfather says this quote "I'm a man first, deacon second".


 
UH UHHH!!!!  Sister_______ was in her negligee?  Now that's what I call 'Scandalous Women.'  I would be too afraid AND ashamed to even be caught in the man's house.  LAWD, LAWDY!!  I have a feeling that I haven't heard all of it.  I think this thread is going to jump before the night is over with.


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## BrickbyBrick (Dec 7, 2006)

My oh my .  This thread brings back memories of me dating a pastor and dumping him four months later.  I knew things were over two months in, but ask me why I hung in there? Lord help me, but we looked great together and he was well known in the Haitian preaching curcuit in our area and I was making the rounds as an up and coming Haitian gospel singer. 

The thing was, we were so different.  He was not as interested in things of a secular nature as I was (and still am). I am an avid sports fan. He couldn't understand that, nor did he tolerate it very well.  That was just one tiny issue among the bigger issues.  Bottom line was, no real love came to fruit in that relationship.  Now that I think of him, I hope he is well and that he finds someone to make him happier than I could.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if these women are only after someone for their station in life, how happy will they really be without honest affection for their partner? Isn't happiness and a mutually loving relationship more important than a fancy title?


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

Story said:
			
		

> My oh my . This thread brings back memories of me dating a pastor and dumping him four months later. I knew things were over two months in, but ask me why I hung in there? Lord help me, but we looked great together and he was well known in the Haitian preaching curcuit in our area and I was making the rounds as an up and coming Haitian gospel singer.
> 
> The thing was, we were so different. He was not as interested in things of a secular nature as I was (and still am). I am an avid sports fan. He couldn't understand that, nor did he tolerate it very well. That was just one tiny issue among the bigger issues. Bottom line was, no real love came to fruit in that relationship. Now that I think of him, I hope he is well and that he finds someone to make him happier than I could.
> 
> I guess what I'm trying to say is, if these women are only after someone for their station in life, how happy will they really be without honest affection for their partner? Isn't happiness and a mutually loving relationship more important than a fancy title?


 
Honey, the latter.  I think image has a lot to do with it, too, because with everyone can see who she is and what she have she can only go on that.  As for me, a pair of jeans and T-shirt would do me just fine.


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## rozlips (Dec 7, 2006)

I've never understood why women want to get with the preacher. At my home church I remember doing solos in the choir and looking out on the front row where ladies sat in the front row in short skirts, commando. I told my mama about it and they installed a wall in the front so you couldn't see up the women's skirts anymore. It was unbelievable. That's going in my book, 'Macking in the Church.' I'll also tell the story of my uncle who used quotes from the Songs of Solomon to woo women.


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## GodsPromises (Dec 7, 2006)

Sweet C said:
			
		

> Me personally, I understand the whole power dynamic, but I never understood the whole attraction to the pastor, associate pastor, etc. *One who is married to a pastor lives a life of service and serious intercession, not including whatever else she does (i.e. raising children, working, etc.) so don't let the fancy hats and suits fool you to thinking that there is all there is to it.*
> 
> One of my friends from college goes to a pretty large church, and her bishop's wife died about 2 years ago, and they had been married 40+ years. Well, then the troupe came along baking, trying to make office and home visits. My friend was telling me she was so glad that he had good staff around him, b/c pretty much a deacon or someone had to be with him 24/7 to ward off these crazy women, and the staff handled them so that they didn't even get to him. Now most won't even try for fear of getting strongly rebuked.


 

You ain't never lied.  Make sure that you know that you know cause it's not easy!!!!


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

rozlips said:
			
		

> I've never understood why women want to get with the preacher. At my home church I remember doing solos in the choir and looking out on the front row where* ladies sat in the front row in short skirts,* commando. I told my mama about it and they installed a wall in the front so you couldn't see up the women's skirts anymore. It was unbelievable. That's going in my book, 'Macking in the Church.' I'll also tell the story of my uncle who used quotes from the Songs of Solomon to woo women.


Don't forget they have their legs open.  Girl, that's the oldest trick in the book that's STILL going on in full force.


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

LadyR said:
			
		

> You ain't never lied. Make sure that you know that you know cause it's not easy!!!!


 
You don't have to tell me it's not easy.  I learn a lot by listening to other people's experiences and observations.  Believe me that's NOT the life I want.  I rather go to work, come home, take careof the kids, cook dinner and have my husband home after work and spend time with the family.  Plus, you are living in a fishbowl.  

As for the groupies, it's bad enough that you have regular women trying to run up on your husband.  The last thing I need is a church full of hot-in-yhe-a**, hoochie-mamas doing the same thing every Sunday morning.  If a woman in the church does that I want to be able to grab her by the hair but I can't do that in the house of the Lord. 

Can't be a preacher's wife.


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## Sweet C (Dec 7, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> Don't forget they have their legs open. Girl, that's the oldest trick in the book that's STILL going on in full force.


 
You know its funny you mentioned that b/c one of the elders at my church told us about this situation that happened when he was teaching.  He said that while he was teaching, there was a women there who had on a skirt who kept intentionally opening her legs every time he looked in her direction.  He said he figured if she bold enough to do it, she should be ready to get called out for it.  So in the middle of the lesson, he told her to close her legs and that such behavior is not fitting for a woman of God.  Well needless to say, she shut em pretty quick and kept in shut the rest of the service.


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## Sweet C (Dec 7, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> You don't have to tell me it's not easy. I learn a lot by listening to other people's experiences and observations. Believe me that's NOT the life I want. I rather go to work, come home, take careof the kids, cook dinner and have my husband home after work and spend time with the family. Plus, you are living in a fishbowl.
> 
> As for the groupies, it's bad enough that you have regular women trying to run up on your husband. The last thing I need is a church full of hot-in-yhe-a**, hoochie-mamas doing the same thing every Sunday morning. If a woman in the church does that I want to be able to grab her by the hair but I can't do that in the house of the Lord.
> 
> Can't be a preacher's wife.


 
I don't wanna scare you, but women like you honestly do make the best preacher's wives.


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## locabouthair (Dec 7, 2006)

i'm sorry but i couldnt be in a church with all that drama going on. Of course sometimes you don't know whats going on.


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 7, 2006)

Sweet C said:
			
		

> I don't wanna scare you, but women like you honestly do make the best preacher's wives.


 
Girl, I can be impulsive.  They don't want none of me.  I'm quick to call out on people when I feel that they are doing me wrong.


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## Pam Pam (Dec 8, 2006)

I haven't read the other posts...but yes, I am a witness to church groupies in all of its glory.

I used to belong to a very popular church here in Chicago.  The pastor had so many people trying to be in his "inner circle" it wasn't funny.  He was a very personable man and if you worked in the ministry, you would eventually get to know him. But people would join his church or try to date his family members just to get close to him.  Some of the members even called him daddy..and that just sickened me to the core.  

I have never wanted to be so common with my pastor that I don't respect him as pastor and see him only as a man.  I'll never forget one day I was sitting in his office.  I started feeling too comfortable and got up and left.  He is my pastor and that's the position he'll hold for me.  Not buddy, friend, surrogate father...although as a pastor, there is a time for him to fill all of those roles depending on the situation.

And, don't get me started on the women who were after him.  One woman said she was just waiting for his wife to die so she could take her place.  The killing part about it is that that was mild compared to all of the disrespect his wife used to get from members.

But now he's divorced and remarried and all of his "groupies" have moved on.  I don't think the new wife was having all of that.

Okay...going to read the posts...


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## Pam Pam (Dec 8, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> *AW LAWD!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?!!!!!!!!!  *
> 
> Now I know I heard it all! Those are some hardup women!! Don't these women know that they are being 'obvious?' I know they look pathetic.


 
Girl, that story is too funny.  

Godfather sounds like the mac from way back...with all those ladies swooning.

Denzel has nothing on him, huh?


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## Pam Pam (Dec 8, 2006)

Sweet C said:
			
		

> You know its funny you mentioned that b/c one of the elders at my church told us about this situation that happened when he was teaching. He said that while he was teaching, there was a women there who had on a skirt who kept intentionally opening her legs every time he looked in her direction. He said he figured if she bold enough to do it, she should be ready to get called out for it. So in the middle of the lesson, he told her to close her legs and that such behavior is not fitting for a woman of God. Well needless to say, she shut em pretty quick and kept in shut the rest of the service.


 
It's kind of sad, but...

 

Shame the devil...


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## Guyaneek (Dec 8, 2006)

I personally have not experienced this but I am not at all surprise that groupies feel welcomed in the house of the Lord and when they get there, they will often do as they do in the world.  I do have a friend who experienced this at her church, her pastor left his wife and church for a groupie.  That story saddens my heart to no end.  I can see that my pastors wife is watchful over the women and based on some of these stories, with good reason.  The leaders of our churches are only human and my heart goes out for them with the temptation that they have to face.  We need to lift up all of these parties in prayer!


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## YellowButterfly (Dec 10, 2006)

See that's why I am just not a church person.  I love Jesus for real and I believe if you love Jesus for real you are not going to be acting like this mess.
I think that the ministers and those with the high tittles should be held accountable as well because with great power comes great responsibility. 
      I was told my step great grandfather who was a jack-legged minister would tell my great grandmother that he had to leave out the house to go and be with some woman because she had something on him. My great grandmother would go and beat the women down to the point of onetime had a womans skin hanging off her hand.  She should have been beating him and should have left him instead of subjecting my Grandmother and her kids to this man.  My grandmother's family did not attend church much after that
and my uncle would not become a preacher because of what he saw growing up.  The lord showed me that he was called to minister, though, and I wished he would have because he would have been different. 
     I really do not see marrying a minister because I just donot trust them which I am trying to get over. But , I keep hearing stories like this lady who just started to tell me one day about her husband who is a minister or a deacon and that every couple of years she would hear her name going across the church as some little girls are asking her for forgiveness for dating her husband. (Every few years now)  She told the pastors wife that she was going to leave the church and blamed it on the little girls .  I think her husband should also not be in a position where he is around these young ladies comming into the church. He is the only factor that stays the same because it is always a different set of girls. 
     I especially do not see dating a married man because that is like dating his wife to because married people are of one flesh if you believe the bible.  And you have married ministers trying to date people to which is especially abhorrent to me because if they are really called with emphaisis on the really,  God has intrusted  the teaching of his people to these people. What are they thinking?  That is why you have to know Jesus for yourself.
     I have a friend who got mad at me because she and her husband have a church and I would not marry the guy they tried to fix me up with because after dating for a little while the lord let me know and him know that we were not for each other ( I think she wanted married people in their  ministry) .  I have to admit I was relieved because I knew I would have to break it off anyway. Alot of problems with people in the church is they marry for church only instead of waiting for God to send them the person he wants them to have.  I would rather be by myself than with someone I am not suppose to have or in a relationship that Jesus does not approve of.


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## Blossssom (Dec 10, 2006)

I've seen this so many times, OP...

It's really quite sad.

As lustful as I feel towards the married man at the office, a "holy" man or one who proclaims holiness is totally off limits.

Mocking God; playing with God; playing with religion; the Bible and anything else related is off limits.

Speaking of "Tim", another thing that made me really take a step back, outside of Lag beating the living hell out of me, is he is Catholic.  And he goes to church on the regular but I know he's a cheat.

I'm really glad I didn't do anything but women chasing men down in the church... nothing new.  I went to church for 30 years straight and I have seen it all.

Men in the pulpit preaching and screwing; making babies with women outside of their marriage; stealing; selling drugs... I've seen it all.  I've HEARD about a few a$$ whippings administered by the "first lady" on the hoe, too.  Missed those events, unfortunately.

As I tell my mother from time to time when we discuss the church today, either the preacher doesn't believe the Bible is real or he believes God is a liar or doesn't exist.

Which is it?  The sinner preacher man better hope the Bible is a crock of sh** because if even one part of it's real, his a$$ is going to hell.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16YGYVEuWRs&mode=related&search=

The "preacher" in the video above, in particular.


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## Honey6928215 (Dec 10, 2006)

Blossssom said:
			
		

> I've seen this so many times, OP...
> 
> It's really quite sad.
> 
> ...


 
That part is funny.   I wish I could have seen my share of a$$ whippings administered by the First Lady.  Honey, I can see wigs flying now.


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## firecracker (Dec 10, 2006)

Whatcha know Whatcha know.  All the folks involved are human and have lustacious hearts like everyone else in the world.  Sad that this behavior goes on everyday somewhere but sometimes politics are politics. 

My handsome uncle The good Rev Lee Norris May don been caught up in some hanky panky style relationship in one of his ole churches in St Louis and Texas.  He's episode played out like a scene from the Richard Pryor movie "Which Way Is Up".  I got calls from outta state cuz his madness was the talk of the Sunday School Convention back in the day.     My sweet Aunt has put up with a lot for 25plus years.  

I just hope his son Lil Lee who by the way lives in the ATL, Lithonia to be exact and is on the board of Commissioners for Dekalb doesn't get lead horny astray.  Ya'll ladies let me know if you do hear something so I can sock to my Momma.  Who just couldn't believe her lil brother was a man first.  His daddy sho is a looker so the ladies have always been on him.   

I gotta go visit his church in Tucson, Arizona to check him out now that ya'll mentioning Pastors and groupies.


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## Blossssom (Dec 10, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> That part is funny.   I wish I could have seen my share of a$$ whippings administered by the First Lady.  Honey, I can see wigs flying now.



Honey, from what I understand happend at a church in Oakland, Ca., the first lady literally DRAGGED Ms. Hoebag by her hair out the church.

Humpf!  Where the HELL was I at that day?  

And I'm pretty sure that my stepbrother's ex-wive wanted to put a beatdown on his mistress he made a baby with.

That would have been the fight of the century.  Or killing, I should say.


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