# Kissing (Spin-off: Abstinence Challenge 365, 24-7 )



## sugaplum (Apr 26, 2005)

Hello Ladies, 

I just wanted to find out what you ladies thought about kissing?

Now to me, when it comes to dating, there's nothing wrong with kissing on the cheek or on the forehead....but on the lips!!   I personally feel that you don't where the person has been and alsoI feel that kissing leads to other things:eyebrows2  especially french kissing.  

According to the Easton Bible Dictionary:

Kiss: 1. Of affection (Genesis 27:26,27; 29:13; Luke 7:38,45)
2. reconciliation (Genesis 33:4; 2 Samuel 14:33)

3. leave-taking (Genesis 31:28,55; Ruth 1:14; 2 Samuel 19:39)

4. homage (Psalms 2:12; 1 Samuel 10:1)

5. spoken of as between parents and children (Genesis 27:26; 31:28,55)

(Genesis 48:10; 50:1; Exodus 18:7; Ruth 1:9,14)

6. between male relatives (Genesis 29:13; 33:4; 45:15)

7. It accompanied social worship as a symbol of brotherly love

(Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26; 1 Peter 5:14)

8. The worship of idols was by kissing the image or the hand toward the image (1 Kings 19:18; Hosea 13:2)


I'm very interested in finding out what you ladies thought about it.  Does this follow with our walk with Jesus?


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## sithembile (Apr 26, 2005)

I haven't dated since becoming a Christian, but I've decided that when the time comes, I willhave to set boundaries around kissing. I wouldn't want to get into passionate kissing because I know myself, and I wouldn't want to be tempted to go any further. I think a kiss on the cheek or a peck on the lips would be the boundary for me.


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## TrustMeLove (Apr 26, 2005)

Well, I need help with my kissing boundaries..

But, Im not dating right now,nor do i have a bf, but my bondaries change after every relationship..they just get stricter and stricter.

So right now im at cheek, peck, and a french if you are just seeing them..like you guys are going out to lunch dinner whatever event..and its the initial point of two people coming together...and if you decided to french that would be the time..BUT NO FRENCHING THROUGHOUT THE DAY. (I learned my lesson, this could get you caught up, because those sexual endorphins stay high and thats not good for people who aren't having sex until marriage).

And no chilling at the house and constant kissing. This is a no no too.


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## melodee (Apr 26, 2005)

Definately set boundaries.


If you have already had the experience of kissing before, you should know how your body responds to the slightest touch.

If not, I would say, do not explore french kissing.  The body is set up to respond in certain way when aroused in this way.  Things start happening and you may be very tempted.  

Set your boundaries and discuss them with him at the beginning of the relationship, so there is no misunderstanding.


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## Poohbear (Apr 26, 2005)

sugaplum... let's just bring all these challenges to an end and take on the Nun Challenge!


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## sugaplum (Apr 26, 2005)

Thank you melodee, TrustMeLove, & sithembile  I've leanred so much right now on this topic.  I realize now more then ever since I've given my life over to God, to "set boundaries" when it comes to dating. 

I'm single right now.  My friend had asked me this question "How I felt about kissing?"  I told him that I would not even kiss a guy I'm dating on the lips.   Like you said melodee it leads to other things that I know God would not approve of.  

But to me I could never get into french kissing.  And seeing people get all "down and dirty" in public with kissing always made me  !!


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## sugaplum (Apr 26, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> sugaplum... let's just bring all these challenges to an end and take on the Nun Challenge!




    Poohbear, stop girl.   I'm dying at my computer right now.


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## BLESSED1 (Apr 26, 2005)

I actually get turned off by kissing, I'm weird I know


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## TrustMeLove (Apr 26, 2005)

Well, I wouldn't kiss anyone IM JUST DATING! NO NO NO

Must, be the boyfriend..and you just cant go around making any tom, dick, or keyshawn your boyfriend. 

Heres a simple hiearchy.

STRANGER TO ACCUANTENCE (sp)TO FRIEND TO BOYFRIEND TO FIANCE TO HUSBAND

Feel free to add to it or change it around.


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## sugaplum (Apr 26, 2005)

I see what your saying TrustMeLove.


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## sithembile (Apr 26, 2005)

TrustMeLove said:
			
		

> Well, I wouldn't kiss anyone IM JUST DATING! NO NO NO
> 
> Must, be the boyfriend..and you just cant go around making any tom, dick, or keyshawn your boyfriend.
> 
> ...



I like this! I've been looking at it this way:
Friendship to Courtship to Marriage


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## JuJuBoo (Apr 26, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> sugaplum... let's just bring all these challenges to an end and take on the Nun Challenge!




*OKAAAY!*


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## Poohbear (Apr 26, 2005)

sithembile said:
			
		

> I like this! I've been looking at it this way:
> Friendship to Courtship to Marriage


Has anyone ever seen this as the proper way:

Friendship to Marriage to Courtship

I didn't follow this as I grew up, but I heard a sermon concerning this where you should marry to date, not date to marry - mainly because dating has been used as way to "try the goods" or "spend all you got to prove your love" before getting married, when it would be better to be just friends and get to know each other and spend time together before deciding to marry. It's very old-fashioned but I like it and would like to enforce this once I get married and have children.


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## Honeyhips (Apr 26, 2005)

That's pretty much what folks are saying when they say friends to courting to marraige. Doesn't make sense to court someone after marriage.  Courting leads to marriage.  Dating leads to sex or booty calls. 





			
				Poohbear said:
			
		

> Has anyone ever seen this as the proper way:
> 
> Friendship to Marriage to Courtship
> 
> I didn't follow this as I grew up, but I heard a sermon concerning this where you should marry to date, not date to marry - mainly because dating has been used as way to "try the goods" or "spend all you got to prove your love" before getting married, when it would be better to be just friends and get to know each other and spend time together before deciding to marry. It's very old-fashioned but I like it and would like to enforce this once I get married and have children.


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## melodee (Apr 26, 2005)

sugaplum said:
			
		

> I see what your saying TrustMeLove.


 
I do too, but you must watch out when this person is your boyfriend or fiance.  Because then your love for him is very strong and it is natural to want to feel a higher sense of closeness.  BUT, if the boundaries are set, and you are truly letting the Lord lead you (both of you must be doing this, not just one or the other), then you will find sucess.  If NOT, then watch out--because eros love is very strong!!!


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## Poohbear (Apr 26, 2005)

Honeyhips said:
			
		

> That's pretty much what folks are saying when they say friends to courting to marraige. Doesn't make sense to court someone after marriage. Courting leads to marriage. Dating leads to sex or booty calls.


To me, courting is the old fashion word for dating. The idea behind courting/dating after marriage is that whoever has to pay for the dates saves money while they are an unmarried couple. Also, you don't have to worry about sexual pressures, etc. as much. That's all.


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## Isis448 (Apr 26, 2005)

My roommate is a Christian and she didn't kiss her fiancee until they were engaged. She is 32 and he is around the same age. I believe they have been together for a year and a half. Their wedding is in June. I wish them the best because they make a wonderful couple and I feel that they are truly blessed by God.

They also abstain from sex and if he stays over, he sleeps on the couch.


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## Koffie (Apr 27, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> sugaplum... let's just bring all these challenges to an end and take on the Nun Challenge!



OKAY! I am sorry, but I think it would be rediculous for ME to join this.


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## Poohbear (Apr 27, 2005)

Koffie said:
			
		

> OKAY! I am sorry, but I think it would be rediculous for ME to join this.


Oh Koffie, it was just a joke!


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## beverly (Apr 27, 2005)

Well what I've been taught and I believe there are different levels in relationships: 

Friendship, Dating, Engagement, Marriage.

In my opinion, if you are of the mindset that you are trying to wait until marriage for sex, then there are different levels of intimacy associated with each stage. There is a huge difference between a kiss and kissing. A kiss is a sign of affection, and its nothing fornicative about it. But as far as kissing I plan to evaluate that whenever I get to the 3rd stage in a relationship - which is a long way off for me.. But I think it depends on the people involved on what type of intimacy those two can handle - I know of a person who gets sexually excited by hand holding. There is a huge difference between a brief kiss on the check or lips versus putting your tongue in someones mouth and groping them. For me, now that I have a renewed mindset, I am not tempted to go any further by a kiss, since its a way to show love/affection. If you are not 100% commited to living your life this way, no matter what boundaries you set, it won't work out though.


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## Ms Red (Apr 27, 2005)

I kiss my boyfriend. We've been dating for over 2 years and it is a committed relationship. However, since I am a virgin and he is not, I set boundaries because I do not want either of us "tempted"   

I feel that sex and that kind of intimacy should be shared only in marriage. So far it has been relatively easy with controlling ourselves, but I'm not perfect and it's an issue we are praying about.

~cupcake~


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## sugaplum (Apr 27, 2005)

Koffie said:
			
		

> OKAY! I am sorry, but I think it would be rediculous for ME to join this.


NO!!!  This is not a thread to join!!  

I'm asking the ladies of the forum what their thoughts are on kissing??


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## Cinnabuns (Apr 27, 2005)

beverly said:
			
		

> Well what I've been taught and I believe there are different levels in relationships:
> 
> Friendship, Dating, Engagement, Marriage.
> 
> In my opinion, if you are of the mindset that you are trying to wait until marriage for sex, then there are different levels of intimacy associated with each stage. There is a huge difference between a kiss and kissing. A kiss is a sign of affection, and its nothing fornicative about it. But as far as kissing I plan to evaluate that whenever I get to the 3rd stage in a relationship - which is a long way off for me.. But I think it depends on the people involved on what type of intimacy those two can handle - I know of a person who gets sexually excited by hand holding. There is a huge difference between a brief kiss on the check or lips versus putting your tongue in someones mouth and groping them. For me, now that I have a renewed mindset, I am not tempted to go any further by a kiss, since its a way to show love/affection. If you are not 100% commited to living your life this way, no matter what boundaries you set, it won't work out though.



Very well put Beverly. 

I don't french kiss my SO.  We peck from time to time but not kissing.  We don't like it too much..


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## Supergirl (Apr 27, 2005)

Kissing is not a sin and it's lots of fun!  BUT--it makes life frustrating and can tempt you when you are trying to do the right thing.  When my fiancee and I got back together, we decided to remove the kiss-factor from our relationship until marriage.  Our first kiss in over 3 1/2 years will be on our wedding day this summer.  Praise the Lord!  Oh, and I'll be dropping out of the abstinence challenge at that time too, just to let y'all know...


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## MomofThreeBoys (Apr 27, 2005)

You are a wonderful example to our young people. Best wishes on you upcoming marriage!



			
				Supergirl said:
			
		

> Kissing is not a sin and it's lots of fun! BUT--it makes life frustrating and can tempt you when you are trying to do the right thing. When my fiancee and I got back together, we decided to remove the kiss-factor from our relationship until marriage. Our first kiss in over 3 1/2 years will be on our wedding day this summer. Praise the Lord! Oh, and I'll be dropping out of the abstinence challenge at that time too, just to let y'all know...


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## sithembile (Apr 27, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> Has anyone ever seen this as the proper way:
> 
> Friendship to Marriage to Courtship
> 
> I didn't follow this as I grew up, but I heard a sermon concerning this where you should marry to date, not date to marry - mainly because dating has been used as way to "try the goods" or "spend all you got to prove your love" before getting married, when it would be better to be just friends and get to know each other and spend time together before deciding to marry. It's very old-fashioned but I like it and would like to enforce this once I get married and have children.



I understand your point, I guess dating shouldn't stop just because we get married. But I still would want to date properly before marriage to get to know the person.


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## Poohbear (Apr 27, 2005)

sithembile said:
			
		

> I understand your point, I guess *dating shouldn't stop just because we get married.* But I still would want to date properly before marriage to get to know the person.


Yeah, what I put in bold of your quote was another point with this concept of dating after marriage.


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## LDebagoria (Apr 27, 2005)

I love kissing! I love it! And whether ya' peck on the cheek or do a tonsil-check, kissing never has to lead to sex, as tempting as it may be. 
I'm all about taking this abstaining time for sex...but kissing, it's still a really special bond without going the "full nine yards."


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## locabouthair (Apr 27, 2005)

The bishop at my bible study recently talked about this. She said that kissing is a type of foreplay and it doesn't make any sense to engage in it if you know you can't go any further. Basically don't start what you can't finish. And you can't finish it because you are not married.  When she said that I was like how can you find someone who will be with you without kissing when it's hard enough to find someone that will be with you without getting any sex? But after reading the responses of the ladies here I see its not impossible. I never thought anything was wrong with kissing just as long as it didn't go further than that. My ex and I would give each other pecks often and that was it. Are pecks bad too?


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## blessedangil03 (Apr 27, 2005)

I really believe that it depends on the person. Some people can kiss (french kiss) w/o wanting to take it to the next level, maybe its self control or that they've mastered that area? And there are those that as soon as they lock lips they are ready to take it to the bed. Every couple must decide what their weaknesses are and make the best decision for their relationship.


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## Poohbear (Apr 27, 2005)

blessedangil03 said:
			
		

> I really believe that it depends on the person. Some people can kiss (french kiss) w/o wanting to take it to the next level, maybe its self control or that they've mastered that area? And there are those that as soon as they lock lips they are ready to take it to the bed. Every couple must decide what their weaknesses are and make the best decision for their relationship.


I believe it has A LOT to do with self-control.

Yes, I've french kissed my boyfriend before but I'm wondering... is that really having self-control even though it may not lead into sexual sin??? Unfortunately, I don't think so... 

We must use our bodies as a temple for the Lord... hmmm, intimate kissing and french kissing.... I don't think it fits into that picture.


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## beverly (Apr 28, 2005)

How wonderful Supergirl, that you will be droping out of the abstinence challenge this summer.  I am so happy that the Lord has sent you a mate.


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## Belle Du Jour (Apr 28, 2005)

There will be no more casual kissing for me, because I like the act of kissing too much.  It hasn't led me too far, but it does take you right up to the edge, if you know what I mean!

For me, I want the next man tha I kiss, and I mean really kiss, to be my fiance.  It has to be more than just "I'm attracted to you sexually."  I see nothing wrong with a peck on the cheek or forehead, but you just have to know where to draw the line.  Kissing really is the prelude to sex and to becoming one.  I don't want to start that process with just anyone!


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## sugaplum (Apr 28, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> I believe it has A LOT to do with self-control.
> 
> Yes, I've french kissed my boyfriend before but I'm wondering... is that really having self-control even though it may not lead into sexual sin??? Unfortunately, I don't think so...
> 
> *We must use our bodies as a temple for the Lord... hmmm, intimate kissing and french kissing.... I don't think it fits into that picture. *




Beautifully said, Poohbear.


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## Supergirl (Apr 28, 2005)

Food for Thought:  It is possible to kiss without going all the way.  I've done it many times in the past without going all the way.  BUT, what does kissing cause to happen in your thoughts?  Kissing can and usually will make you think of MORE even if you do not do MORE.  (MORE=sex)  Whether it's you fantasizing or the thought pops into your head because of the passion of the kiss, your thoughts do wander.  This is not to say that these thoughts don't come to those who choose to refrain from kissing, but it's less.

To the lady that said (paraphrasing)it's hard enough to find someone that will be with you without having sex.  It would probably be difficult to find someone that will be with you without kissing.
TAKE NOTE:  The RIGHT man will have no problem or complaint with either of these whatsoever if these are the choices you've made.  He will respect them and I will go to the extreme and say that the RIGHT man will have the same values.

When I became celibate, I would think to myself that I hope that when I get into a relationship, he will tolerate my celibacy.  Little did I realize that I should not be with someone who would "tolerate" it, but someone who had the same values.  My fiancee and I were on the same page with this when we got together almost 6 years ago.  We were young then, but we had this area down pretty good!  I also appreciate the fact that we waited on one another through our relationship.  It was tempting to rush into marriage, because of hormones.  (relating to another thread)  But our waiting shows our desire for one another outside of the physical.  If you meet a guy and you are celibate and he seems to be wanting to rush into marriage--RED FLAG!  It is respectable to want to marry before sex, but there is a fine line--you want to make sure that someone isn't tying the knot with you just for your goodies. 

EXAMPLE:  

One of my pedicurists--very cute sista, about 21 years old, Christian celibate was marrying an older man about this time last year.  In fact, she was doing my feet on her wedding day a few hours before the wedding!  Anyway, do you know that 3 weeks later, this fool told her that he'd only married her to have sex with her and that he wanted a divorce!


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## Bublnbrnsuga (Apr 28, 2005)

Supergirl said:
			
		

> Food for Thought:  It is possible to kiss without going all the way.  I've done it many times in the past without going all the way.  BUT, what does kissing cause to happen in your thoughts?  Kissing can and usually will make you think of MORE even if you do not do MORE.  (MORE=sex)  Whether it's you fantasizing or the thought pops into your head because of the passion of the kiss, your thoughts do wander.  This is not to say that these thoughts don't come to those who choose to refrain from kissing, but it's less.
> 
> To the lady that said (paraphrasing)it's hard enough to find someone that will be with you without having sex.  It would probably be difficult to find someone that will be with you without kissing.
> TAKE NOTE:  The RIGHT man will have no problem or complaint with either of these whatsoever if these are the choices you've made.  He will respect them and I will go to the extreme and say that the RIGHT man will have the same values.
> ...



Nah ah, Supergirl


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## locabouthair (Apr 28, 2005)

Supergirl said:
			
		

> Food for Thought:  It is possible to kiss without going all the way.  I've done it many times in the past without going all the way.  BUT, what does kissing cause to happen in your thoughts?  Kissing can and usually will make you think of MORE even if you do not do MORE.  (MORE=sex)  Whether it's you fantasizing or the thought pops into your head because of the passion of the kiss, your thoughts do wander.  This is not to say that these thoughts don't come to those who choose to refrain from kissing, but it's less.
> 
> To the lady that said (paraphrasing)it's hard enough to find someone that will be with you without having sex.  It would probably be difficult to find someone that will be with you without kissing.
> TAKE NOTE:  The RIGHT man will have no problem or complaint with either of these whatsoever if these are the choices you've made.  He will respect them and I will go to the extreme and say that the RIGHT man will have the same values.
> ...



how long were they together before they got married?


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## Supergirl (Apr 28, 2005)

locabouthair said:
			
		

> how long were they together before they got married?



That, I don't know--but I don't think it was very long.


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## sithembile (Apr 28, 2005)

SG
Was this man really saved?


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## Poohbear (Apr 28, 2005)

Supergirl said:
			
		

> EXAMPLE:
> 
> One of my pedicurists--very cute sista, about 21 years old, Christian celibate was marrying an older man about this time last year. In fact, she was doing my feet on her wedding day a few hours before the wedding! Anyway, do you know that 3 weeks later, this fool told her that he'd only married her to have sex with her and that he wanted a divorce!


That is SO sad!!!


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## Supergirl (Apr 29, 2005)

sithembile said:
			
		

> SG
> Was this man really saved?



He told her he was and they met at church, but I'm finding it hard to find that a man with the fear of the Lord in his heart would treat any woman, but especially a woman of God like this.


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