# I have a crush...



## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

Ok...

I have a crush on this guy. Its weird because its not my typical (physical) type - he's short. Im drawn to him for some reason. I think its his spirit. It exudes such godliness and purity. He treats all his female friends like sisters and boy does he treat them well. Its not a physical or sexual attraction. I know we share the same desire for living pure for God and rules of engagement in courtship. I almost feel like I wouldnt be pure enough for him...Am I being insecure?

I prayed about him last night. I said God, I am probably trippin so if he's not it, distract me. Today, my thoughts/feeling of him kicked into high gear. 

*What do you do when you have a crush? *
*(Godly way to manage your feelings)*


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## inthepink (May 5, 2009)

Oh wow, I don't know.  I would think you'd need to continue to do what you started to do - pray for God to distract you if he isn't someone for you.  Also, don't pay any special attention to him.  I remember that from the book Lady in Waiting.  Just keep treating him how you always do.  Don't jump to do something b/c he's there; do it b/c you want to.  Know what I mean?

You'll be fine - just keep praying.  I am sure it has to be nice to meet/see a guy who has a heart for God and wants to be pure.


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## Rapunzel* (May 5, 2009)

there is really nothing to do when u have a crush, its like one of those things you cant fight 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			




just continue to pray and ask god for direction.
if he is your future husband god wont withhold him from you.i know you want God to answer back asap.......
he will send someone to you when he sees complete wholeness.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



im a lady in waiting myself


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

hairlove said:


> Oh wow, I don't know. I would think you'd need to continue to do what you started to do - pray for God to distract you if he isn't someone for you. Also, don't pay any special attention to him. I remember that from the book Lady in Waiting. *Just keep treating him how you always do. Don't jump to do something b/c he's there; do it b/c you want to. *Know what I mean?
> 
> You'll be fine - just keep praying. I am sure it has to be nice to meet/see a guy who has a heart for God and wants to be pure.


 
You're so right. Knowing me, I am going to sit on the other side of church during service now so I dont have to see him. My body language may be normal but my eyes tell my soul.  

My church does a phenomenal job with developing godly men. I go to a large church with alot of single available men of all ages. Men between the ages of 19 - 27 I believe are the least likely to attend church and we have more the a little bit of them too.



Rapunzel* said:


> there is really nothing to do when u have a crush, *its like one of those things you cant fight*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
Thank you for those points. Eye opening...


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## MizzCoco (May 5, 2009)

Girl, you better hold on to those feelings! Continue to treat him as a friend, and get to know him. And pray, pray, and pray some more! Thats all I can say!


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## Janice (May 5, 2009)

Co-signing with Cococure, yeah crushes sure can be deadly...In the end if you are truly honest with yourself, ask yourself why you are truly attracted to him. It could be pure for all I know but just try to tame those feelings because you can end up making him out to be this quasi-God. 

Perfection is the absence of knowledge and the reason why crushes can be so detrimental is because we build this image in our mind of what we expect this person to be when it has nothing to do with reality.

So just get to know him as a friend, nothing more and have no expectations. I know and trust that if this is the man God has for you he will put it in his heart.

You could just be wasting brain power on someone that may not be even worth it. It's hard but if you don't think you are going to get to know him then I would just squash it... (when I say get to know him, please do not approach him, only if circumstances allow such as you two happen to cross each other's path, etc but no walking 15ft over to meet him,, lol)


.....But above all pray, knowing that you can accept whether God tells you yes or no.


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## inthepink (May 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> * My church does a phenomenal job with developing godly men.* I go to a large church with alot of single available men of all ages. Men between the ages of 19 - 27 I believe are the least likely to attend church and we have more the a little bit of them too.



You are so blessed to have this!!


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## MizzCoco (May 5, 2009)

hairlove said:


> You are so blessed to have this!!


 Ain't she blessed? There are no single young men at my church, unless you count the teenage boys that come with Momma!


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

CocoCure83 said:


> Girl, you better hold on to those feelings! Continue to treat him as a friend, and get to know him. And pray, pray, and pray some more! Thats all I can say!


 
Feelings....gosh they suck. I am going to continue to pray, pray, pray.



Janice said:


> Co-signing with Cococure, yeah crushes sure can be deadly...In the end if you are truly honest with yourself, ask yourself why you are truly attracted to him. It could be pure for all I know but just try to tame those feelings because you can end up making him out to be this quasi-God.
> 
> Perfection is the absence of knowledge and the reason why crushes can be so detrimental is because we build this image in our mind of what we expect this person to be when it has nothing to do with reality.
> 
> ...


 
We have already been developing a friendship. Its good friends with my cousins and they introduced me to him. We rap to each other from time to time but nothing major. He's very concerned on teaching women as sisters and not potentials. I do have to check my motives but he's definitely "worth it".


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

hairlove said:


> You are so blessed to have this!!


 


CocoCure83 said:


> Ain't she blessed? There are no single young men at my church, unless you count the teenage boys that come with Momma!


 
I know some people are against big churches because most are posperity gospel teachers but if you can find a good and relatively large church in your area, I say just check it out. My pastor is also knows ministers all over the place so you want recommendations let me know.


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## MizzCoco (May 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> I know some people are against big churches because most are posperity gospel teachers but if you can find a good and relatively large church in your area, I say just check it out. My pastor is also knows ministers all over the place so you want recommendations let me know.


 You know, I am seriously considering moving to the DMV area when I finish school next year. My aunt lives in DC, and Im so tired of my small town! All the larger churches around me are predominatly white, and the black churches are the bad stereotypical ones people make fun of. The church I go to now is somewhere in the middle, but filled with women and married couples!


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## inthepink (May 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Feelings....gosh they suck. I am going to continue to pray, pray, pray.
> 
> 
> 
> We have already been developing a friendship. Its good friends with my cousins and they introduced me to him. We rap to each other from time to time but nothing major. He's very concerned on teaching women as sisters and not potentials. I do have to check my motives but he's definitely "worth it".



Sounds good.  The best part is that you are aware!


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## inthepink (May 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> I know some people are against big churches because most are posperity gospel teachers but if you can find a good and relatively large church in your area, I say just check it out. My pastor is also knows ministers all over the place so you want recommendations let me know.



Very true.

I went to a VERY large church in my former state and they had the best music, best ministries, best of everything...and even EXPOSITORY PREACHING!!! I miss that church so badly.

Unfortunately, the large church in my area has no ministries and teaching is just so/so.  Members are not fed at all and I had to leave.


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## inthepink (May 5, 2009)

CocoCure83 said:


> You know, I am seriously considering moving to the DMV area when I finish school next year. My aunt lives in DC, and Im so tired of my small town! *All the larger churches around me are predominantly white*, and the black churches are the bad stereotypical ones people make fun of. The church I go to now is somewhere in the middle, but filled with women and married couples!



Don't let that scare you.  Give them a try.  You never know, you might feel right at home.


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

CocoCure83 said:


> You know, I am seriously considering moving to the DMV area when I finish school next year. My aunt lives in DC, and Im so tired of my small town! *All the larger churches around me are predominatly white*, and the black churches are the bad stereotypical ones people make fun of. The church I go to now is somewhere in the middle, but filled with women and married couples!


 
I'd attend a white church and marry a white man in a second. I dont discriminate. Black men are my first love but white men are very much runner-ups. 

White churches are cool though. If I lived in Seattle, I would attend Mark Driscoll's church. Predominately white, indie-punk rock type congregation but Mark Driscoll is the man...


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## MizzCoco (May 5, 2009)

I dont think theres anything wrong with a white church at all (or a white man, either)I've dated a few! LOL but where I live its still pretty segregated, thats why I'm in such a hurry to leave!


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

CocoCure83 said:


> I dont think theres anything wrong with a white church at all (or a white man, either)I've dated a few! LOL but where I live its still pretty segregated, thats why I'm in such a hurry to leave!


 

Well we got plenty of room for you in the DMV and lots of great church. First Baptist Chruch of Glenarden is a great church developing disciplines for Jesus Christ. There's lots of people and ministry and fellowship but of course I am bias. We have great ministry for every age group and every lifestyle.


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## MizzCoco (May 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Well we got plenty of room for you in the DMV and lots of great church. First Baptist Chruch of Glenarden is a great church developing disciplines for Jesus Christ. There's lots of people and ministry and fellowship but of course I am bias. We have great ministry for every age group and every lifestyle.


 
Sorry, didnt mean to jack your thread! My home town is stuck in a time-warp, so theres not much for me to choose from!! Your church sounds like a blessing! 

...Okay back to our regularly scheduled topic


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## royalty84 (May 5, 2009)

CocoCure83 said:


> Ain't she blessed? There are no single young men at my church, unless you count the teenage boys that come with Momma!


 HA!!! Better tell 'em!!!


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

CocoCure83 said:


> Sorry, didnt mean to jack your thread! My home town is stuck in a time-warp, so theres not much for me to choose from!! Your church sounds like a blessing!
> 
> ...Okay back to our regularly scheduled topic


 
No hijack...


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## inthepink (May 5, 2009)

Hi Pretty,

I was just reading the book A Man Worth Waiting For by the same woman who wrote Lady in Waiting.

In it, she talks about a crush and how to deal with it in so many ways so I just wanted to share a few tokens with you:

*Make yourself accountable to a friend. (We are your friends here but we can't see you when you're at church interacting with him.)
*Devote yourself to prayer about it.
*Just because the guy is a Boaz doesn't mean he is your Boaz. Guard your heart against taking someone else's Boaz.

Obviously prayer will help you determine #3.

Please keep us posted.


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## honeyflaava (May 5, 2009)

hairlove said:


> Hi Pretty,
> 
> I was just reading the book A Man Worth Waiting For by the same woman who wrote Lady in Waiting.
> 
> ...




Learned that one the hard way . And I had the audacity to get upset with God when the guy and another young lady began getting close. God challenged my anger towards Him and told me that I had no just cause to be angry with Him because He NEVER spoke to me regarding this particular guy.But rather I spoke to myself and told me that he was the one


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## cutiebe2 (May 5, 2009)

Thank you for this OP. I have been dealing with a serious crush for the past two years. When I first started having feelings I told my friends. The feeling became so intense that I became ashamed. I told everyone I didn't like him so that I wouldn't look like a looser and just continued to keep my feelings hidden inside. I don't even know what to do anymore. I continually asked God to show me the way put I get very conflicting signs. This boy is very sweet and nice. I don't think he would ever do me wrong but I do think that we probably aren't as compatable as I have made out in my mind. 

I just want to be done with this!!


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## jade998 (May 5, 2009)

I am in the same situation. Here is my story.

I am in a church predominatly with women and couples, There are some single men, but it seemed like they like staying single and my eyes hadn't noticed any of them. But early this year after loads of people told me it was time to leave this church if I ever intended on getting married and find another church with eligible single men. I prayed and asked God that If this is the ministry/church he has brought me too, I have to believe that my husband could come to the church. I did want to get married and start a family. I didn't want to start scooping the streets and looking desperate,or even start contempalting goingto clubs  but I wanted to be focused on his kingdom and the ministry that he has put inside of me.

2/3 weeks later, he walked into our church and even if I wanted to describe my ideal man, he would be so much better. We are now casual friends and I am taking it slow. If it is mine, then it is mine. 

I would say remember it is about the glory of God and kingdom building. Know that he would be just as lucky to have you, so he will have to meet the standards that you already know to be seeking in your husband.

Marriage is ministry and it is always better to be in God's will and timing.

Pray about if he is the person, God will always give a confirmation.

Get involved in some kind of ministry to keep you mind busy at church (although it should be focused on God, but I know how it is to see him, and for your heart to skip a beat)

In the meanwhile, take the time to know him as a friend, his visions, goals, gifts, future plans, hobbies etc. That friendship will be a great foundation for any courtship that happens later


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

Thanks everyone. 

I am going to definitely stayed prayed up. He's sweet but he may be for someone else and I have to keep that in mind. My cousins are holding me accountable to this. I work full-time, in grad school, in a bible class, and in 3 ministries, so I'm plenty plenty busy.

Tonight, after Bible Study, he walked me to my car. A complete gentlemen. I was like Lord, ok, I'll just make small talk. So, now because of that, I have to stay on my knees about this...


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## Supergirl (May 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Ok...
> 
> I have a crush on this guy. Its weird because its not my typical (physical) type - he's short. Im drawn to him for some reason. I think its his spirit. It exudes such godliness and purity. He treats all his female friends like sisters and boy does he treat them well. Its not a physical or sexual attraction. I know we share the same desire for living pure for God and rules of engagement in courtship. *I almost feel like I wouldnt be pure enough for him...*Am I being insecure?
> 
> ...



Girl, if I wasn't looking at your username, I would say that I'd typed this about 10 years ago. (except my crush was/is tall). This is how it went down with my husband basically. He was not my "type" but I just suddenly became attracted to him in a major way. 

The bolded ^^ describes my feelings at that time also. Anywhoo, weez married now! We've been married almost 4 fabulous years. 

I like your prayer--asking God to distract you if you're not supposed to be into this guy. Pray about it as often as you feel the need. Try not to force  or rush anything. If this is for you, there is nothing and no one that can stop it. 

If there is a future for you two and it involves you guys being powerful individual witnesses and powerful witnesses for godly marriage, expect some challenges during the process leading to your answered prayer. The devil hates for Christians to fall in love and represent relationships and marriages God's way. But the challenges that the devil means for bad, God sho' nuff does use them for our good.


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## inthepink (May 5, 2009)

Supergirl said:


> Girl, if I wasn't looking at your username, I would say that I'd typed this about 10 years ago. (except my crush was/is tall). This is how it went down with my husband basically. He was not my "type" but I just suddenly became attracted to him in a major way.
> 
> The bolded ^^ describes my feelings at that time also. Anywhoo, weez married now! *We've been married almost 4 fabulous years. *
> 
> ...



OT:  I've been on this forum way too long.  I remember you pre-marriage! Yikes.  4 years? Uh uh!


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

Thank you thank you thank you for this post. Of course, this may not be my testimony, I'd being lying if I said I wish it would be. I am going to pray, pray, pray. I pray that God distracts me, and God allows him to walk me to my car tonight. Ironic, huh?



Supergirl said:


> Girl, if I wasn't looking at your username, I would say that I'd typed this about 10 years ago. (except my crush was/is tall). This is how it went down with my husband basically. He was not my "type" but I just suddenly became attracted to him in a major way.
> 
> The bolded ^^ describes my feelings at that time also. Anywhoo, weez married now! We've been married almost 4 fabulous years.
> 
> ...


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## Supergirl (May 5, 2009)

@ Hairlove--hee hee! Yep, we've been around for a while!


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## Supergirl (May 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Thank you thank you thank you for this post. Of course, this may not be my testimony, I'd being lying if I said I wish it would be. I am going to pray, pray, pray. I pray that God distracts me, and God allows him to walk me to my car tonight. Ironic, huh?



Keep us updated. You are doing a great job of guarding your heart it sounds like. There are some resources I wish I'd known about back then like LHCF (well it didn't exist) and some of the books we discuss here that are written for future wives/single women. But you're doing good.

When you're feeling those feelings and you're struggling and you want to see a sign and all that that can come with this, holler at us! We're here to support you.


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## BeautifulFlower (May 5, 2009)

Can you tell me about your courtship?


Supergirl said:


> Keep us updated. You are doing a great job of guarding your heart it sounds like. There are some resources I wish I'd known about back then like LHCF (well it didn't exist) and some of the books we discuss here that are written for future wives/single women. But you're doing good.
> 
> When you're feeling those feelings and you're struggling and you want to see a sign and all that that can come with this, holler at us! We're here to support you.


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## Raspberry (May 6, 2009)

Of course pray that your heart will be in the right place and covered emotionally, but also find ways to hang out with this guy in groups so you can get a good handle on his everyday personality.

It's easy to fall head over heels for a spiritual guy in a church setting - because it's definitely a turn-on to see a man humbly walking with the Lord, but remember he's still a person with quirks, great qualities and not so great ones that may get on your nerves lol.  If you interact with him around his family and friends and not just in church you'll get more of a balanced picture of him.


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## BeautifulFlower (May 6, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Of course pray that your heart will be in the right place and covered emotionally, but also find ways to hang out with this guy in groups so you can get a good handle on his everyday personality.
> 
> *It's easy to fall head over heels for a spiritual guy in a church setting - because it's definitely a turn-on to see a man humbly walking with the Lord, but remember he's still a person with quirks, great qualities and not so great ones that may get on your nerves lol. If you interact with him around his family and friends and not just in church you'll get more of a balanced picture of him*.


 
Very true. Gotta remember that.


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## Supergirl (May 6, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Can you tell me about your courtship?



Yes, it is quite a long story! I will PM you later with the details when time allows. But I will say that it was loooonnngggg--much longer than I thought it would be and much longer than I (at the time) wanted it to be. But everything was done in God's timing, not Supergirl's timing and I appreciate that God loved me enough to make sure it happened His way.


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## jade998 (May 6, 2009)

Supergirl said:


> Yes, it is quite a long story! I will PM you later with the details when time allows. But I will say that it was loooonnngggg--much longer than I thought it would be and much longer than I (at the time) wanted it to be. But everything was done in God's timing, not Supergirl's timing and I appreciate that God loved me enough to make sure it happened His way.


 
Could you post it here.. would love to hear the story


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## Belle Du Jour (May 6, 2009)

Good luck girl!  I just want to say I've been thinking about someone for about a YEAR!  It's too ridiculous! LOL  But it's like I knew this guy from the moment I saw him.  I just knew we were compatible.  Then I found out how much we were and it was scary.  I also asked God to help me forget him, but the feelings are still there.  Anyway, I'll be moving away soon, so the matter will likely be settled anyway.  Just pray as someone said.  I know God can do some major things when you least expect it.  He hears our earnest prayers, no matter how silly they seem to us.


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## Precious_1 (May 24, 2009)

Pretty are there any updates on your crush?!


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## BeautifulFlower (May 24, 2009)

Precious_1 said:


> Pretty are there any updates on your crush?!


 
Wow!
Umm...well lets see....

He's a great guy. Handsome, gentleman, wise, godly, etc...Perfect guy. However, I decided I could not see myself with a guy I am several inches taller than with heels. Shallow, maybe. Perference, yes. Honest, double yes! We are good friends now. I enjoy being around him.

I have however been hanging "kinda" with this other guy.  I am kind of digging him but he doesnt know.


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## BrooklynSouth (May 24, 2009)

*Shallow, ummmm...yes. Go to lunch with shortie...that lunch may confirm or kill it.*


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## Precious_1 (May 24, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Wow!
> Umm...well lets see....
> 
> He's a great guy. Handsome, gentleman, wise, godly, etc...Perfect guy. However, I decided I could not see myself with a guy I am several inches taller than with heels. Shallow, maybe. Perference, yes. Honest, double yes! We are good friends now. I enjoy being around him.
> ...


 
He sounds really wonderful, well, at least you got options. Does the "other guy" possess all these great qualities as well?  You may change your mind on the height thing.  Either way he sounds like he could be a really good friend.


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## BeautifulFlower (May 24, 2009)

BrooklynSouth said:


> *Shallow, ummmm...yes. Go to lunch with shortie...that lunch may confirm or kill it.*


 
We'll hang out but I already have confirmation within myself. I have to be honest with myself that if I am looking to be with someone for the REST of my life, I have to be attracted to them on every level. I am not sexually attracted to him. When I look at him I feel like a big sister ready to protect... 



Precious_1 said:


> He sounds really wonderful, well, at least you got options. Does the "other guy" possess all these great qualities as well? You may change your mind on the height thing.  Either way he sounds like he could be a really good friend.


 
He's interesting. Alot of great qualities. I am attracted to him on every level. He's never had a gf. He's still growing in alot of ways. Spiritually, he attends church but thinks its important to know truth for myself so he growing there. I push understanding the word for yourself alot so I understand here he is at. Physically, well....athletic, cleans up very well and he's tall. As a man, very, very smart, gentleman, funny but corny but I dont mind, etc. I am just enjoying spending time with him now.


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## BeautifulFlower (May 28, 2009)

I got confirmation again...I am really getting good at this figuring what I want and need stuff down. 

I asked God for confirmation by him making plans to hang out again this past weekend. He did. I was like ok God and I am going to keep moving forward. This other guy is cool whoever I see something in him that was in my ex boyfriend that I absolutely hated. My Knight and Shining Armor isnt here yet and thats ok with me.


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## inthepink (May 28, 2009)

pretty - Thanks for keeping us posted.  You learn something in everything!  It's great that you have these learning options.   And I'm sure one day, it will turn out to be more than just learning.


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## Raspberry (May 28, 2009)

I agree with hairlove - have fun and stay open, you're blessed to have access to all these christian guys at your stage in life, you'll learn a lot.


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## aribell (May 31, 2009)

Meant to post this a while ago.  But for the ladies struggling with having a longtime crush, but struggling in a bad and painful way, pray not just that the Lord would take the feelings away, but pray that the Lord would bring both your mind and heart into line with His will for your relationship with this person.  Pray that if the feelings are out of place that He would help you to see and understand how this man is not for you.  Meditate on the fact that the man that the Lord has for you will pursue you, and if this man is not doing so, then He is not the one.  

Think of it as a spiritual battle, and an issue of truth and falsehood--so continually pray, "casting down vain imaginings and everything that exalts itself against Christ" and His truth.  Pray that the Lord would bring you into line with His truth and to show you the truth between you and this man.

I write because crushes can really turn into painful emotional bondage.  I have experienced it myself and in close friends of mine, and it costs us so much emotional and spiritual energy and can go on for _years _if we do not actively fight it.  We have to learn to guard our heart always and to not open it until the _Lord_ has made it clear that this is the man to open it for (meaning that he is *both* a godly man *and* is pursuing you in a godly manner; and even then continue to guard your heart until the Lord confirms it in both of you that you will be together).  If you find yourself with an attraction, don't automatically let yourself indulge in all the thoughts and feelings and giddy conversations with your girlfriends, but immediately submit it to prayer and meditation, and see what the Lord has to say about it.  Let time reveal what will be between you two.

Song of Solomon says not to awaken love until it is pleasing, meaning until it is timely and appropriate.  If we let our emotions run away from us, we end up being vulnerable to spiritual attack in developing an emotional attachment to someone that the Lord doesn't have for us.  Not to scare anyone!  But those who have been there will understand.


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## inthepink (May 31, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Meant to post this a while ago.  But for the ladies struggling with having a longtime crush, but struggling in a bad and painful way, pray not just that the Lord would take the feelings away, but pray that the Lord would bring both your mind and heart into line with His will for your relationship with this person.  Pray that if the feelings are out of place that He would help you to see and understand that this man is not for you.  Meditate on the fact that the man that the Lord has for you will pursue you, and if this man is not doing so, then He is not the one.
> 
> I write because crushes can really turn into painful emotional bondage.  I've seen it in myself and in close friends of mine, and it costs us so much emotional and spiritual energy.  We have to learn to guard our heart always and to not open it until the _Lord_ has made it clear that this is the man to open it for (meaning that he is *both* a godly man *and* is pursuing you in a godly manner).  If you find yourself with an attraction, don't automatically let yourself indulge in all the thoughts and feelings and giddy conversations with your girlfriends, but immediately submit it to prayer and meditation, and see what the Lord has to say about it.  Let time reveal what will be between you two.
> 
> Song of Solomon says not to awaken love until it is pleasing, meaning until it is timely and appropriate.  If we let our emotions run away from us, we end up being vulnerable to spiritual attack in developing an emotional attachment to someone that the Lord doesn't have for us.  Not to scare anyone!  But those who have been there will understand.



Yes, I understand and I've been there as a Christian and non-Christian.  Lady in Waiting talks about this and it's very similar to what you said.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 1, 2009)

Thank you ladies for all your words on encouragement. I am managing well. No crushing anymore. Just alot of observing. When I first came out of my relationship, I decided not to date. I am still holidng to that but going on dates doesnt equate to dating. Going out with different people has helped TREMENDOUSLY in discovering what I do not like. I have discovered alot of things that men do that really bother me and I am happy I have found that out now. 

I think the major thing I found was I can not be with a financially cheap man. I HATE THAT! Its a long story how a discovered this but I never considered it before. I love to give and I want a man to do the same. I also discover my preference points are taller than me with heels and fit, muscular bodies. 

I remain objective by not letting them know I am interested. That way they dont know I am observing them in that manner and they are more real with me. I think I have mentally given 3 to 4 guys in the last month.  I waste no time. 

I am having alot of fun though. Godly, pure fun that is....but fun known the less.


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## disgtgyal (Jun 1, 2009)

Girl have godly fun but be on the alert and remember you wanna marry your Isaac not Ishmael.  Just pray and ask God to continue to make you into the image of the wife your husband needs and when you find yourself being attracted to someone just ask God if he isn't for you remove your feelings and believe He will do it cause He's done it for me many times.


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## preciouzone (Jun 6, 2009)

Whew, loved this thread and thanks for the many great advice ladies. 

"Crushing can lead to emotional baggage..." Hmmm, so that's what's going on with me. I have been silently crushing a guy for about 2 years now. I think I made up in my mind 3-4 months after we met that he is my "Boaz". This came after I realized that he fit most of the qualities on my list and that we had a lot in common.

We've remained friends ( keep in touch over the phone, haven't reunited yet since ) after meeting at a business conference and we have a weird friendship/relationship. Our conversations mostly revolve around business and we assist each other in being accountable to our goals. He's a godly man as well and that's definitely a plus! Many times I wanted to just let him know that I am interested and that I like him but I can never bring myself to do this. I truly believe that a guy should do the pursuing. It's frustrating at times because he can flirt with me one minute and then the next minute resort back to a professional demeanor and change the subject. 

It hurts so much to crush or like someone and the person really doesn't respond how I think they should - one day I think he likes me and then the next day I think he can care less... and it sucks. 

Anyways, I am going to shorten this up. Last week he just came to my mind and I decided to send him a text. And then he sent me a text back stating that he was soo surprised to hear from me because I was running through his mind all day. So he called my later on that evening and eventually he started telling me that the reason I came across his mind and why he couldn't stop thinking about me was because he started reading this book about 4 months ago on relationships and that one of his goals was to finally settle down in a serious relationship this year. ( He's been single for a little over 3 years now. )

Then he tells me that one of his lessons was to write down his do's and don'ts of what he wants in his partner... and after reviewing his list he notices that I fit majority of his list. He then ask me about where I would like to see us in the next 2 years... ( I didn't answer him completely... I told him I still see us being good friends and in each others lives ) and he just finishes off and says that he can see us together getting serious and on the verge of getting married. During the conversation I just kept quiet and listened mostly and let him pour his heart out. He also told me that he started having feelings for me about 4-5 months after we first met. We both kinda know that there's something there but neither of us have ever spoken up about the "feelings" that are obviously there. 

I really don't know where we will go from here but that last conversation we had was rather interesting. We stay in different cities so if anything does jump off anytime soon it will be a small distance relationship. I live by this motto of "Don't listen to what people say, watch what they do"... so I will not bring anything up about that convo and let him lead and pursue if this is truly in his heart ( and God's will ). All I can do is pray.


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## disgtgyal (Jun 7, 2009)

I agree with not listening to what a person says but instead what they do and if their actions are backed by what they say.  I am very old fashioned I do believe a godly woman should be pursued especially since we're in short supply.  As my associate pastor says it is adam who is missing a rib so he needs to search for his missing rib.  Stay on your knees girl don't ask God to make him your husband ask him to put your heart in the right place cause you don't want God to give you him if he isn't the perfect man God has for you.  Stay strong my sis and don't compromise.


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## Raspberry (Jun 7, 2009)

preciouzone said:


> Then he tells me that one of his lessons was to write down his do's and don'ts of what he wants in his partner... and after reviewing his list he notices that I fit majority of his list. *He then ask me about where I would like to see us in the next 2 years... ( I didn't answer him completely... I told him I still see us being good friends and in each others lives ) and he just finishes off and says that he can see us together getting serious and on the verge of getting married. During the conversation I just kept quiet and listened mostly and let him pour his heart out. He also told me that he started having feelings for me about 4-5 months after we first met. We both kinda know that there's something there but neither of us have ever spoken up about the "feelings" that are obviously there. *
> 
> I really don't know where we will go from here but that last conversation we had was rather interesting. We stay in different cities so if anything does jump off anytime soon it will be a small distance relationship. I live by this motto of "Don't listen to what people say, watch what they do"... so I will not bring anything up about that convo and let him lead and pursue if this is truly in his heart ( and God's will ). All I can do is pray.



About the bolded, if he's admitted feelings for you - don't you think it's ok to say you've had feelings as well?  Isn't it making it harder on him than necessary to be evasive about your feelings if he is begin open about his?  Correct me if I've interpreted your story wrongly...

I guess I'm not sure if we should expect a guy to pursue us with no signals on our part... is that even fair?  Christian dating/courting seems more complex than it should be


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 8, 2009)

preciouzone said:


> Whew, loved this thread and thanks for the many great advice ladies.
> 
> "Crushing can lead to emotional baggage..." Hmmm, so that's what's going on with me. I have been silently crushing a guy for about 2 years now. I think I made up in my mind 3-4 months after we met that he is my "Boaz". This came after I realized that he fit most of the qualities on my list and that we had a lot in common.
> 
> ...


 


Thank you so much for sharing this. Its a little token of hope for me. 



Raspberry said:


> About the bolded, if he's admitted feelings for you - don't you think it's ok to say you've had feelings as well? Isn't it making it harder on him than necessary to be evasive about your feelings if he is begin open about his? Correct me if I've interpreted your story wrongly...
> 
> I guess I'm not sure if we should expect a guy to pursue us with no signals on our part... is that even fair? Christian dating/courting seems more complex than it should be


 
I really like your questions. I have similar ones. Christian courting does appear complex at times though I know it is for my protection. I understand the importance of guarding my heart but do I have to beat around the bush. I dont know seems like more work then necessary sometimes. 

Any thoughts?


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## inthepink (Jun 8, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Thank you so much for sharing this. Its a little token of hope for me.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



What if you're subscribing to the courting school of thought but the men you meet have no idea what it is - men don't read about relationships as much as women?

I guess in a way, some of the things you do or don't do should cause a certain reaction from him whether he does or not?

But one thing in particular that I can think of that I can't figure out how it would work for me is the spending time in groups.  Well, what if you meet online and so you are the only two people who know each other?  Sure, I guess you could invite each to different church events.  But seems like it would prolong getting to know each other? I don't know.

The whole thing is very complex.


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## Raspberry (Jun 8, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> I really like your questions. I have similar ones. Christian courting does appear complex at times though I know it is for my protection. I understand the importance of guarding my heart but do I have to beat around the bush. I dont know seems like more work then necessary sometimes.
> 
> Any thoughts?



Yea, we definitely have to guard our hearts but I don't think that means eliminating all chance of vulnerability.  Life and love are a contact sport if you want to get the most of them and there's no way to remove all chance of pain or disappointment. We can't even maintain our faith in God without taking a chance on His promises and making our hearts vulnerable before Him.  

It's like we're expecting the guy to take all the chances and make himself completely vulnerable while we retain the right to completely protect our own feelings.

preciouszone felt frustrated when the guy wasn't being open about his feelings and now that he has been, I don't think waiting for him to make another move before she returns the same openness is productive.  He could very well interpret her silence as disinterest just like she did his..


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 8, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Yea, we definitely have to guard our hearts but I don't think that means eliminating all chance of vulnerability. Life and love are a contact sport if you want to get the most of them and there's no way to remove all chance of pain or disappointment. We can't even maintain our faith in God without taking a chance on His promises and making our hearts vulnerable before Him.
> 
> It's like we're expecting the guy to take all the chances and make himself completely vulnerable while we retain the right to completely protect our own feelings.
> 
> preciouszone felt frustrated when the guy wasn't being open about his feelings and now that he has been, I don't think waiting for him to make another move before she returns the same openness is productive. He could very well interpret her silence as disinterest just like she did his..


 
You have made some very interesting points. 

Its so true we can not avoid all disappointment or pain. Its so true that love is sometimes a risk we take. Its even more true that our faith in God is a risk of believing in the unseen and putting your all in the God that says he loves you and will provide. If life there are no guarentees. 

Though I believe strongly in Christian courtship, as I begin to observe my surroundings I've noticed alot of things. Like...

Pursuing means initiating and going after to get to know someone. But it doesnt mean I can not show interest. It also doesnt mean I can not ask him to hang out if the subject comes around. 

Men are not build like men are the past. They pursue but not like yester-years men. 

Group dating is a good thing. It gets harder to do as you get older and people's schedules get busier. I think the most important thing is avoiding environment that promote getting too "comfortable". 

If a man does not feel you are recipricating his pursuant, biology will do one of two things: kick him into high gear or tell him she's not interested. If he kicks into high gear, I will question his motives honestly. Is he running game? Why is he so desperate? If I dont show interest, more than likely its because I am NOT interested. If you show me interest and I am interested, well...I play it out but I'll always wait for him to make the first MAJOR moves.


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## preciouzone (Jun 8, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> *It's like we're expecting the guy to take all the chances and make himself completely vulnerable while we retain the right to completely protect our own feelings.*
> 
> preciouszone felt frustrated when the guy wasn't being open about his feelings and now that he has been, I don't think waiting for him to make another move before she returns the same openness is productive. He could very well interpret her silence as disinterest just like she did his..


 

Hey Raspberry,

I agree with you. I see where you are coming from. Apart from other reasons for my silence at the moment, I do feel that I am being a little reserved to avoid disappointment. But at the same time I am willing to be vulnerable. He's been asking for us to meet up again lately and I am going to stop being so resistant and just go for it. I have a really lame reason as to why we haven't met up yet (my weight) and I am tired of letting my insecurities stop me from living my life. It's funny because he keeps asking me why I keep rejecting him and why don't I want to see him again and here I am just feeling sorry for myself and my weight . Next time we talk I'll make sure we set a date to meet...


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 8, 2009)

preciouzone said:


> Hey Raspberry,
> 
> I agree with you. I see where you are coming from. Apart from other reasons for my silence at the moment, I do feel that I am being a little reserved to avoid disappointment. But at the same time I am willing to be vulnerable. He's been asking for us to meet up again lately and I am going to stop being so resistant and just go for it. I have a really lame reason as to why we haven't met up yet (my weight) and I am tired of letting my insecurities stop me from living my life. It's funny because he keeps asking me why I keep rejecting him and why don't I want to see him again and here I am just feeling sorry for myself and my weight . Next time we talk I'll make sure we set a date to meet...


 

YAY FOR YOU! 


You know I was just thinking about this pursuing thing. The last guy I told you all about that I was interested in but am no longer (not shortie, another guy) is asking me out quite a bit now. Sucks that I am not interested anymore but I still go and have a good time. I am certain the only reason he does ask me to good wherever with him (we went to the zoo this weekend, had a blast) is because I gave him the OK to ask me out often. I literally said to him, "I have fun with you. You should ask me out more often." I left it at that. I dont ask him out and I let him make the moves. And HE DOES. He asked me out 3 times since and I gone out 2 times with him. I know he is the kind of guy that would not ask him out on his own because he times I am high maintenance. But because he knows that I would say yes, he does ask. 

Maybe more ladies would have more opportunities to get to know someone if they just let a guy know that, "Hey, its ok to ask me out because I like to have fun and I like being around you." If he doesnt ask anymore, well at least you know he's just not that into you and you can stop wondering how he feels. But if he does, then you'll never know what happens.


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## Raspberry (Jun 9, 2009)

hairlove said:


> What if you're subscribing to the courting school of thought but the men you meet have no idea what it is - men don't read about relationships as much as women?
> 
> 
> The whole thing is very complex.



So true, we have to remember that a lot of the mindsets we're adopting aren't set in stone or in the Bible, they're just methods we've developed to bring some order while striving for godly romance in an ungodly culture.  

Even with most Christian men, you never know where their heads are at w/r/t dating without getting to know them in some capacity.  Some Christian men have been told they need to become friends with a woman first before pursing anything, others are still getting over worldy attitudes towards women..and still others are just as confused as we are if not more so lol.  

We have to employ a measure of grace with men, they're not perfect and can't read our minds, they also don't know all of our rules at any given moment.  The most important thing for me right now is focusing keeping my mind renewed according to God's word .. I can then keep a healthy attitude about myself and men I meet - so I can regard them with a balance of realism and grace.  I find that it's when my mind is focused on insecurities, doubts, cynical thoughts, etc that romance (heck life in general) seems complex and unfair or I get resentful and frustrated much easier with men in my life.  



hairlove said:


> But one thing in particular that I can think of that I can't figure out how it would work for me is the spending time in groups. Well, what if you meet online and so you are the only two people who know each other? Sure, I guess you could invite each to different church events. But seems like it would prolong getting to know each other? I don't know.



The group thing is ideal in some ways but I don't feel like it's necessary for all interactions with a guy.  It's really up to where you're at in your heart.  Group interactions were stressed in the courting movement to counteract problems with sexual temptation or focusing too much on physical contact that clouds judgment.   Like anything else that's not forbidden in scripture, it's probably best to just use wisdom - meet up with the guy in public locations - coffee shops, etc.  After you feel more comfortable with him you may want to talk and spend more time alone .. avoid time in the house alone late at night, pursue outside interests together.. there's a lot of leeway in this stuff.

One major benefit of being in group settings with a man is that you learn more about his personality by watching him interact with others .. you also can see others' impressions of his character over time.  Feel free to invite a guy you meet online to your church or church related activities.


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## Raspberry (Jun 9, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Its so true we can not avoid all disappointment or pain. Its so true that love is sometimes a risk we take. Its even more true that our faith in God is a risk of believing in the unseen and putting your all in the God that says he loves you and will provide. If life there are no guarentees.



  Not saying that vulnerability and potential for pain is something easily embraced - I can't stand it personally lol.  But I've been learning that and it has been through my painful meanderings that certain insecurites and mindsets have come to the surface so that God can bring me into wholeness - kind of like how clothes can't really be cleaned without squeezing and agitating them.  Even in the area of relationships it has been only through making myself vulnerable (within the bounds of God's will, trusting me that his grace covers me) that I have grown tremendously in this area over the past 6 months.. more than I ever have. 

I used to be the queen of protecting my feelings and emotionally dictating play with guys - but I also never had a genuinely fulfilling relationship, I was just using men... I was very nice to them, but still a selfish user when it came down to it.




prettyfaceANB said:


> Men are not build like men are the past. They pursue but not like yester-years men.



Maybe not, but us ladies aren't built like women past either lol.. a lot of us want to have our cake and eat it too lol..



prettyfaceANB said:


> Maybe more ladies would have more opportunities to get to know someone if they just let a guy know that, "Hey, its ok to ask me out because I like to have fun and I like being around you." If he doesnt ask anymore, well at least you know he's just not that into you and you can stop wondering how he feels. But if he does, then you'll never know what happens.



Hmm.. I'll have to think about better ways of letting guys know I'm open to hanging out in a way that doesn't come off as brazen.  Recently I was getting desperate for a social life and asked a guy to be my friend (yes I said "you should be my friend" ).  That's actually worked out because now he and his friends call me all the type to hang out and I have somethin of a love triangle going on now...

True .. at some point he's either into you or he isn't and yea it might suck if he turns out not to be, but never showing your cards is just gonna prolong the process and keep you in limbo.


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## Raspberry (Jun 9, 2009)

preciouzone said:


> Hey Raspberry,
> 
> I agree with you. I see where you are coming from. Apart from other reasons for my silence at the moment, I do feel that I am being a little reserved to avoid disappointment. But at the same time I am willing to be vulnerable. He's been asking for us to meet up again lately and I am going to stop being so resistant and just go for it. I have a really lame reason as to why we haven't met up yet (my weight) and I am tired of letting my insecurities stop me from living my life. It's funny because he keeps asking me why I keep rejecting him and why don't I want to see him again and here I am just feeling sorry for myself and my weight . Next time we talk I'll make sure we set a date to meet...



I feel you on insecurities related to weight or appearance .. a lot of people would say I look fine but I'm not where I want to be and can be obsessive about my body.  I start thinking that certain men won't want me until I'm at my perfect weight or fitness level.. which leads to a spiral of negative thoughts.    But I have to remind myself that I can't be a slave to others' opinions and that my eating and fitness habits are between me and God not between me and some guy I'm not even married to.

Well one thing you know is that he liked what he saw when he met you the first time .  You can't control what someone else is thinking about your physical appearance but you can control your feelings about yourself - and inner beauty really does radiate to the outside.  As cliched as this sounds, a beautiful spirit really is more important than a beautiful body.  Meditate on God's promises and thoughts toward you...  That guy will really be drawn to your confidence and sweet personality, not just your appearance.  What's also interesting is that your eating/fitness habits will be easier to improve once you're feeling good about yourself and your future.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 9, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Hmm.. I'll have to think about better ways of letting guys know I'm open to hanging out in a way that doesn't come off as brazen. Recently I was getting desperate for a social life and asked a guy to be my friend (yes I said "you should be my friend" ). That's actually worked out because now he and his friends call me all the type to hang out and I have somethin of a love triangle going on now...
> 
> True .. at some point he's either into you or he isn't and yea it might suck if he turns out not to be, but never showing your cards is just gonna prolong the process and keep you in limbo.


 
Hehe...of course you dont have to say it like that. I can be cute and endearing when I say the wildest things to people so they take it serious but dont think am being pushy. You have to use discretion in your words of course with each individual guy. But you see, you told him that you want to be around him (in your own words of course) and now he asks you out more. It works!

Some guys just need the extra influence to have the confidence to know when its ok to ask you out.


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## aribell (Jun 9, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Maybe not, but us ladies aren't built like women past either lol.. a lot of us want to have our cake and eat it too lol..


 
Hmm...I think I know what you mean, but care to explain a little bit more?


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## Raspberry (Jun 9, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Hehe...of course you dont have to say it like that. I can be cute and endearing when I say the wildest things to people so they take it serious but dont think am being pushy. You have to use discretion in your words of course with each individual guy. But you see, you told him that you want to be around him (in your own words of course) and now he asks you out more. It works!
> 
> Some guys just need the extra influence to have the confidence to know when its ok to ask you out.



lol!  I didn't mean that your approach was brazen, just that when I try to say similar things I have to think ahead of time or I come off as real bold , I'm better at being straight-forward, not always good with being subtle with men.  

You're right - a lot of men do need some encouragement in making a move..  My problem is, the guy I asked to be my friend (guy #1) I really wanted to be friends with.. it's _his_ friend (guy #2) who I'm really interested in.  What's weird is guy #2 started calling me a lot more than guy #1 to hang out.  However, now guy #1 has been giving me strong signals that he's interested and I think that may be making guy #2 back off .  Not sure how to handle this since I usually hang out with both guys together...


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 9, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> lol! I didn't mean that your approach was brazen, just that when I try to say similar things I have to think ahead of time or I come off as real bold , I'm better at being straight-forward, not always good with being subtle with men.
> 
> You're right - a lot of men do need some encouragement in making a move.. My problem is, the guy I asked to be my friend (guy #1) I really wanted to be friends with.. it's _his_ friend (guy #2) who I'm really interested in. What's weird is guy #2 started calling me a lot more than guy #1 to hang out. However, now guy #1 has been giving me strong signals that he's interested and I think that may be making guy #2 back off . Not sure how to handle this since I usually hang out with both guys together...


 The draw backs to every method.


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## inthepink (Jun 9, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> YAY FOR YOU!
> 
> 
> You know I was just thinking about this pursuing thing. The last guy I told you all about that I was interested in but am no longer (not shortie, another guy) is asking me out quite a bit now. *Sucks that I am not interested anymore but I still go and have a good time.* I am certain the only reason he does ask me to good wherever with him (we went to the zoo this weekend, had a blast) is because I gave him the OK to ask me out often. I literally said to him, "I have fun with you. You should ask me out more often." I left it at that. I dont ask him out and I let him make the moves. And HE DOES. He asked me out 3 times since and I gone out 2 times with him. I know he is the kind of guy that would not ask him out on his own because he times I am high maintenance. But because he knows that I would say yes, he does ask.
> ...



Pretty - What is the purpose of continuing to go out with someone you're not interested in?  I'm not saying you're doing something wrong but I am just trying to understand.  Also, would this give the wrong impression to someone else who may be checking you out?


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 9, 2009)

hairlove said:


> Pretty - What is the purpose of continuing to go out with someone you're not interested in? I'm not saying you're doing something wrong but I am just trying to understand. Also, would this give the wrong impression to someone else who may be checking you out?


 
Well, this is the method to my madness. Not saying its right but its me I guess. 

I never expressed interest in him in the first place. He hasnt expressed that either. We dont go on 'dates', we 'hang out'. Just casual, plantonic friend hanging out vibe. Even if we do something that requires me looking my absolute best. Not expressing interest leaves things open for you to make a decision about the person. This is how I prefer it. If you give them the friend vibe, they are more real with you and you can see whats really up at a faster rate. Boy, have I seen some real mess....

Now if he expressed interest and I lost interest, it would be a different story. I would avoid him like the plague. 

If he does begin to express interest, I'd see if he'd be willing to make some mental adjustments about things he 'believes' about relationships. If not (I dont seek to change anyone), I make it known I want to be his friend because our differences are too extreme.


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## inthepink (Jun 9, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Well, this is the method to my madness. Not saying its right but its me I guess.
> 
> I never expressed interest in him in the first place. He hasnt expressed that either. We dont go on 'dates', we 'hang out'. Just casual, plantonic friend hanging out vibe. Even if we do something that requires me looking my absolute best. Not expressing interest leaves things open for you to make a decision about the person. This is how I prefer it. If you give them the friend vibe, they are more real with you and you can see whats really up at a faster rate. Boy, have I seen some real mess....
> 
> ...



Ok, as long as you know what you're doing is what matters!

Me - I am clueless! We'll see what happens in the future b/c I will hanging on a wing and a prayer with lack of experience.

I do have a personal philosophy on male friends. So, it is something I will have to navigate person by person, I suppose.


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## Raspberry (Jun 9, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Hmm...I think I know what you mean, but care to explain a little bit more?



I kind of feel for some Christian men nowadays because it's easy for the ladies to criticize them for not taking as much initiative as men did in the past but most of us are not the same women as those in the past either.  Yes men were considered natural leaders, but women were usually expected to be submissive, to earn less, and have limited social roles outside the home and in church.  

Both young men and women today are products of a generation that is used to women and men having equal financial and social footing.  We are also the fruit of culture that labeled much of what we consider natural male roles and attitudes to be patriarchal oppression.  I don't think it's fair to expect men to embrace the strong roles of the past without acknowledging the cultural shifts that have molded their upbringing.  Men nowadays get incredibly mixed messages about masculinity and their roles in society. Yes men were considered natural leaders "back in the day", but women were usually expected to be submissive, to earn less, and have limited roles outside the home. Some women wouldn't mind going back there  but a lot of us have to be honest about how much we value our social and financial autonomy in this culture.  

I don't think the answer to male conduct lies in going back to cultural norms of the past, but rather learning to cleave to what is biblical rather than 50s' era nostalgia...God's word transcends culture and lays the foundation for healthy relationships of all types..


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 9, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> I kind of feel for some Christian men nowadays because it's easy for the ladies to criticize them for not taking as much initiative as men did in the past but most of us are not the same women as those in the past either. Yes men were considered natural leaders, but women were usually expected to be submissive, to earn less, and have limited social roles outside the home and in church.
> 
> Both young men and women today are products of a generation that is used to women and men having equal financial and social footing. We are also the fruit of culture that labeled much of what we consider natural male roles and attitudes to be patriarchal oppression. I don't think it's fair to expect men to embrace the strong roles of the past without acknowledging the cultural shifts that have molded their upbringing. Men nowadays get incredibly mixed messages about masculinity and their roles in society. Yes men were considered natural leaders "back in the day", but women were usually expected to be submissive, to earn less, and have limited roles outside the home. Some women wouldn't mind going back there but a lot of us have to be honest about how much we value our social and financial autonomy in this culture.
> 
> I don't think the answer to male conduct lies in going back to cultural norms of the past, but rather learning to cleave to what is biblical rather than 50s' era nostalgia...God's word transcends culture and lays the foundation for healthy relationships of all types..


 
This is a great explanation. Mark Driscoll onced said we seek to go to earlier eras of time and though those times appear 'godlier' than now they actually arent. We must to apply the word of to our time. We have to the consider that the bible was written within a culture and time different from us. But dont let our culture be an excuse to not do what God says. Rather contextual the scripture but do not sin. 

I am not welling to give up my financial autonomy. I can be submissive but it doesnt come so natural for me. I dont need a man for anything but love and companionship and I get alot of that from family & friends (of course, there's a difference). So I admit, I too must adjust to the times and follow God's word while being who I am.


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## aribell (Jun 9, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> I kind of feel for some Christian men nowadays because it's easy for the ladies to criticize them for not taking as much initiative as men did in the past but most of us are not the same women as those in the past either. Yes men were considered natural leaders, but women were usually expected to be submissive, to earn less, and have limited social roles outside the home and in church.
> 
> Both young men and women today are products of a generation that is used to women and men having equal financial and social footing. We are also the fruit of culture that labeled much of what we consider natural male roles and attitudes to be patriarchal oppression. I don't think it's fair to expect men to embrace the strong roles of the past without acknowledging the cultural shifts that have molded their upbringing. Men nowadays get incredibly mixed messages about masculinity and their roles in society. Yes men were considered natural leaders "back in the day", but women were usually expected to be submissive, to earn less, and have limited roles outside the home. Some women wouldn't mind going back there but a lot of us have to be honest about how much we value our social and financial autonomy in this culture.


 
Ah, yes...you mean this?  I expect him to know that I am as smart (if not smarter) than him, but he still has to have something over me in some way so that I can look up to him and follow him.  He must initiate dates and pay for everything even though I may make just as much if not more money than he does.  I may be dating a slew of various men and will be encouraged to do so, but if he does not show that he only has intentions toward me, he isn't serious enough.  If he breaks my heart, it is because he is not godly enough; if I break his, it was misfortune and couldn't be avoided...he probably didn't deserve me anyway.

I want him to respect me enough to support me emotionally and financially through pursuing higher education and a career, but should I decide that I want to stay home, he should delight in being the sole breadwinner.  But under no circumstances should he indicate that he doesn't want me to pursue a career.  He must love my strengths, but give me complete permission not to exercise them.

In the workplace, he has to accept me as his boss, to know that I, as a woman, am just as competent at leading an entire organization as he is, but in the home, if he defers to my sound judgment, he's not wearing the pants and is less of a man.  And, he has to know that even if I go and get a Ph.D in Theology and an M.Div, and minister all over the church, and he's only attended Sunday school his whole life, that he has to be able to guide me spiritually, too, even while I'm telling him that his interpretation of that Bible passage isn't consistent with the original Greek!


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## Raspberry (Jun 9, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> This is a great explanation. Mark Driscoll onced said we seek to go to earlier eras of time and though those times appear 'godlier' than now they actually arent. We must to apply the word of to our time. We have to the consider that the bible was written within a culture and time different from us. But dont let our culture be an excuse to not do what God says. Rather contextual the scripture but do not sin.



I agree .. I need to check out Mark Driscoll, I've seen him mentioned a few times on this forum and his philosophy on men and relationships seems very interesting.



nicola.kirwan said:


> Ah, yes...you mean this?  I expect him to know that I am as smart (if not smarter) than him, but he still has to have something over me in some way so that I can look up to him and follow him.  He must initiate dates and pay for everything even though I may make just as much if not more money than he does.  I may be dating a slew of various men and will be encouraged to do so, but if he does not show that he only has intentions toward me, he isn't serious enough.  If he breaks my heart, it is because he is not godly enough; if I break his, it was misfortune and couldn't be avoided...he probably didn't deserve me anyway.
> 
> I want him to respect me enough to support me emotionally and financially through pursuing higher education and a career, but should I decide that I want to stay home, he should delight in being the sole breadwinner.  But under no circumstances should he indicate that he doesn't want me to pursue a career.  He must love my strengths, but give me complete permission not to exercise them.
> 
> In the workplace, he has to accept me as his boss, to know that I, as a woman, am just as competent at leading an entire organization as he is, but in the home, if he defers to my sound judgment, he's not wearing the pants and is less of a man.  And, he has to know that even if I go and get a Ph.D in Theology and an M.Div, and minister all over the church, and he's only attended Sunday school his whole life, that he has to be able to guide me spiritually, too, even while I'm telling him that his interpretation of that Bible passage isn't consistent with the original Greek!





I mean really.. can we put this on a t-shirt??  

You know Jesus is coming back soon because a lot of His children can barely get it together enough to hold hands...


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 9, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Ah, yes...you mean this? I expect him to know that I am as smart (if not smarter) than him, but he still has to have something over me in some way so that I can look up to him and follow him. He must initiate dates and pay for everything even though I may make just as much if not more money than he does. I may be dating a slew of various men and will be encouraged to do so, but if he does not show that he only has intentions toward me, he isn't serious enough. If he breaks my heart, it is because he is not godly enough; if I break his, it was misfortune and couldn't be avoided...he probably didn't deserve me anyway.
> 
> I want him to respect me enough to support me emotionally and financially through pursuing higher education and a career, but should I decide that I want to stay home, he should delight in being the sole breadwinner. But under no circumstances should he indicate that he doesn't want me to pursue a career. He must love my strengths, but give me complete permission not to exercise them.
> 
> In the workplace, he has to accept me as his boss, to know that I, as a woman, am just as competent at leading an entire organization as he is, but in the home, if he defers to my sound judgment, he's not wearing the pants and is less of a man. And, he has to know that even if I go and get a Ph.D in Theology and an M.Div, and minister all over the church, and he's only attended Sunday school his whole life, that he has to be able to guide me spiritually, too, even while I'm telling him that his interpretation of that Bible passage isn't consistent with the original Greek!


 
Not saying this isnt possible or realistic but...he'd need to be a very special guy to get this in one man like Jesus himself.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 9, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> I agree .. I need to check out Mark Driscoll, I've seen him mentioned a few times on this forum and his philosophy on men and relationships seems very interesting.


 
Driscoll is that dude. Love him. I am traveling to Greece/Israel with his church in August. I am super excited to meet him.


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## inthepink (Jun 10, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> In the workplace, he has to accept me as his boss, to know that I, as a woman, am just as competent at leading an entire organization as he is, but in the home, if he defers to my sound judgment, he's not wearing the pants and is less of a man. A*nd, he has to know that even if I go and get a Ph.D in Theology and an M.Div, and minister all over the church, and he's only attended Sunday school his whole life, that he has to be able to guide me spiritually, too, even while I'm telling him that his interpretation of that Bible passage isn't consistent with the original Greek!*



Wow, hon, that is a lot.  It is going to take a special man and hope you find him!


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## aribell (Jun 10, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Not saying this isnt possible or realistic but...he'd need to be a very special guy to get this in one man like Jesus himself.


 


hairlove said:


> Wow, hon, that is a lot. It is going to take a special man and hope you find him!


 
Well, you know, what the Lord's will is is what will be, without a doubt!  But, I do think that we have to be more flexible in our image of how things will play out, since I don't think the scenario I created above leads to very fair or realistic expectations of men.  I'm not ready to say what that means, but I am growing more sympathetic toward the men of this generation who, it seems, must bend to however a woman chooses to define herself and adapt to whatever that expression happens to be.  

I have a good male friend who is a Christian with a really quality heart, but he does complain that women flip flop around with this stuff to their advantage.  He's called me out at least once when I was calling on old-fashioned norms to get out of something I didn't want to do, but then using modern thought to get what I wanted in other areas.


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## inthepink (Jun 10, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Well, you know, what the Lord's will is is what will be, without a doubt!  But, I do think that we have to be more flexible in our image of how things will play out, since I don't think the scenario I created above leads to very fair or realistic expectations of men.  I'm not ready to say what that means, but I am growing more sympathetic toward the men of this generation who, it seems, must bend to however a woman chooses to define herself and adapt to whatever that expression happens to be.
> 
> I have a good male friend who is a Christian with a really quality heart, but he does complain that women flip flop around with this stuff to their advantage.  He's called me out at least once when *I was calling on old-fashioned norms to get out of something I didn't want to do, but then using modern thought to get what I wanted in other areas.*



This is something to keep in mind.  Thanks for bringing it to our attention! I will have to watch myself in regards to this.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 14, 2009)

Update! 

God listens to heartfelt prayers. Tis all!


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## Butterfly08 (Jun 14, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Update!
> 
> God lessons to heartfelt prayers. Tis all!


 
Girl you know you can't leave it at that.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 14, 2009)

Butterfly08 said:


> Girl you know you can't leave it at that.


 

Hehehehe....I meant listens....

To make a long story short: 

On June 1, I wrote in my journal everything I'd like to see in my future husband. It is a pretty extensive list but I am welling to sacrifice some things for greater qualities. 

On June 9, I prayed a heartfelt prayer to God that I could meet my future husband and begin to be his friend. I didnt require any grand suggestion that he would do, just maybe a little hint of something.  I just wanted to really start to get to know him, build a bond, etc...

On June 12, after my sister's wedding in Mexico (incredible ceremony BTW), my sister's husband's best friend expressed a strong desire to pursue me. Definitely took me by left field. 

He is SOOOOO incredible. My family LOVES him. My sisters and mom LOVE him. I am in awe of God. Him and I have expressed our feelings to one another but we also have a BIG challenge in front of us. We can not go public with our interest in each other just yet until we make things official. Because of the make up of interdependent relationship between everyone, if we dont work, it could destroy relationships. Relationships and family closeness and love are SOO important in my family. And before we make it official, we decided to consult my sister and husband on their thoughts and blessings because this will effect them as well. His relationship with his best friend and my sister means the world to him and he doesnt want to jeopordize that should something go wrong. He lives in a different state (2hrs away) from me but is willing to travel/drive to see me when time permits. He's looking for a wife and he believes I have great potential so we shall see.

Anyway, please keep me lifted in prayer because it is a tough situation. I needed to share this with someone because I cant share it with anyone now unfortunately. I have to remain calm  and quiet and not let me feelings run to far ahead of me. I like him alot though and he digs me mucho grande too. We shared some great moments on vacation together and I am still blushing about it. :blush3:


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## Evolving78 (Jun 14, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Of course pray that your heart will be in the right place and covered emotionally, but also find ways to hang out with this guy in groups so you can get a good handle on his everyday personality.
> 
> It's easy to fall head over heels for a spiritual guy in a church setting - because it's definitely a turn-on to see a man humbly walking with the Lord, but remember he's still a person with quirks, great qualities and not so great ones that may get on your nerves lol.  If you interact with him around his family and friends and not just in church you'll get more of a balanced picture of him.



you hit that right on the nail!


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## preciouzone (Jun 14, 2009)

I will definitely keep you in my prayers. No matter where this leads, we know that all things will work out together for all of you guys good! Romans 8:28





prettyfaceANB said:


> Hehehehe....I meant listens....
> 
> To make a long story short:
> 
> ...


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## music-bnatural-smile (Jun 14, 2009)

hey woman, we will talk about this dude later... aint nothin wrong with the vertically challenged lol. i must say tho, my last psychopath was my height... he had short man's syndrome lol


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## aribell (Jun 14, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Hehehehe....I meant listens....
> 
> To make a long story short:
> 
> ...



How lovely   The Lord is faithful.  I pray that you both would be blessed and that He would be glorified.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 14, 2009)

preciouzone said:


> I will definitely keep you in my prayers. No matter where this leads, we know that all things will work out together for all of you guys good! Romans 8:28


 
Thank you. I believe if anything, him and I will be great friends. He's an amazing guy really. He definitely deserves to be happy and have a wife that loves him as much as he'll love her. 



tdennis44 said:


> hey woman, we will talk about this dude later... aint nothin wrong with the vertically challenged lol. i must say tho, my last psychopath was my height... he had short man's syndrome lol


 
LOL...if you read through the thread I dismissed the short guy and another guy that took me out. This guy was a left-fielder. I thought he was cool but wasnt really attracted to him. Then when I became atttracted to him, I thought he liked someone else. When this happen'd I was like God you're really listening to me arent you...I have to stay in prayer about this.



nicola.kirwan said:


> How lovely  The Lord is faithful. I pray that you both would be blessed and that He would be glorified.


 
Thank you Nicola...I want God to have all the glory for this because to have a guy that meets 90%+ of my 'list' and my family already loves him is a dream come true.


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## Precious_1 (Jun 14, 2009)

Yea!!!! this is good news, you know, I have been following your story from the beginning! I hope everything works out for you. This one sounds promising!!!!


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## Butterfly08 (Jun 15, 2009)

tdennis44 said:


> hey woman, we will talk about this dude later... aint nothin wrong with the vertically challenged lol. i must say tho, my last psychopath was my height... *he had short man's syndrome lol*


 
Boo! 

Pretty I'm so happy for ya. Take it slow, everything will work out in your favor.


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## Aviah (Jun 16, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Ok...
> 
> I have a crush on this guy. Its weird because its not my typical (physical) type - he's short. Im drawn to him for some reason. I think its his spirit. It exudes such godliness and purity. He treats all his female friends like sisters and boy does he treat them well. Its not a physical or sexual attraction. I know we share the same desire for living pure for God and rules of engagement in courtship. I almost feel like I wouldnt be pure enough for him...Am I being insecure?
> 
> ...



I find this post *SO* cute... (Not to patronize in any way I just love hearing about things like this). Not to mention it sounds a LOT like something I went through last year. I kept prayerful about it and just let things progress little by little, telling God all the while "If this man is not my husband, let me know/remove him from me/cut this off right now" (a little strong, but when it comes to God's best for you, we have no time to waste!). Normally I would NEVER advocate vocalizing how you feel, but I found myself between a rock and hard place when he asked me why I didn't want to meet up with him for dinner! ( I was scared like nothing else of letting things progress and wanted to stop getting closer to him). Hopefully you don't have to go through the same crazy experience that I did, but all I can say is be prayerful about it, and continue to seek God, and he will let you know. He sure did for me...

ETA:He's only 5'7" and I was all for tall guys, and this bugged for a while, but in the end who he is was much bigger than many tall guys I have met.


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## MuseofTroy (Jun 16, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Ok...
> 
> I have a crush on this guy. Its weird because its not my typical (physical) type - he's short. Im drawn to him for some reason. I think its his spirit. It exudes such godliness and purity. He treats all his female friends like sisters and boy does he treat them well. Its not a physical or sexual attraction. I know we share the same desire for living pure for God and rules of engagement in courtship. I almost feel like I wouldnt be pure enough for him...Am I being insecure?
> 
> ...


 
I would pray to God and ask for guidance on how to approach this situation. Develop a friendship with this individual to see if you guys are equally yoked. You were kind of vague as to why you liked him besides how he treats his female friends. Christians shouldn't be guided with just their emotions, therefore it is important that you get to know his character and WHY you admire him. There is nothing wrong with having a crush on as long as you don't act inappropriate. Afterall we are human beings. Handle yourself with respect and as a Christian woman should. Check your motives and make sure it isn't lust is influencing your admiration of this individual. Bottom line get to know him better so you can understand why you like him.


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## Supergirl (Jun 16, 2009)

Aviah said:


> I find this post *SO* cute... (Not to patronize in any way I just love hearing about things like this). Not to mention it sounds a LOT like something I went through last year. I kept prayerful about it and just let things progress little by little, telling God all the while "If this man is not my husband, let me know/remove him from me/cut this off right now" (a little strong, but when it comes to God's best for you, we have no time to waste!). Normally I would NEVER advocate vocalizing how you feel, but I found myself between a rock and hard place when he asked me why I didn't want to meet up with him for dinner! ( I was scared like nothing else of letting things progress and wanted to stop getting closer to him). Hopefully you don't have to go through the same crazy experience that I did, but all I can say is be prayerful about it, and continue to seek God, and he will let you know. He sure did for me...
> 
> ETA:He's only 5'7" and I was all for tall guys, and this bugged for a while,* but in the end who he is was much bigger than many tall guys I have met.*



Whew! You said a mouthful right there.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 16, 2009)

What you guys are saying is so true. You shouldnt judge on height or tons of other physical traits. A man with character and integrity is most important. Shallow me I guess...

Oh well, I am sure he wasnt for me anyway. I wanted a man to pursue and he didnt pursue but saw me as a sister in Christ. Thats fine. I shouldnt be dating in church because if it goes bad I know I wont want to go much anymore. I think I'll leave the church men alone. 

God (I prayed about this) had sent me someone that is a pursurer. He's kind, truly loving, selfless, affectionate (not just romantically), always concerned about others, a protector, a provider, loves children, doesnt judge, willing to wait etc...I could go on about this guy. I am steady praying about this but I asked God to meet my future husband so I can be his friend and 4 days later he expresses desire to find a wife and that I could be the one. WOW!!!!


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Jun 16, 2009)

I hope this is your time.  Thanks for posting.  You are giving many hope that they are not forgotten.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 16, 2009)

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I said:


> I hope this is your time. Thanks for posting. You are giving many hope that they are not forgotten.


 
God doesnt forget and he does listen. I guess your blessing comes from places you least expect. I didnt even like him at first. LMAO! 

Wow, who is that man in the picture of your siggy? He's kinda hot.


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## inthepink (Jun 17, 2009)

That's wonderful news, Pretty!  Thanks for keeping us posted.


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## preciouzone (Jul 2, 2009)

Hey *PrettyfaceANB *,

It's been a couple of weeks... any new progress?


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## BeautifulFlower (Jul 21, 2009)

preciouzone said:


> Hey *PrettyfaceANB *,
> 
> It's been a couple of weeks... any new progress?


 
 Precious,

UPDATE! 

So its been a lil bit over a month and things are almost fairy tale like for me. Its pretty serious. 

Where do I begin about this guy? He makes my heart smile. We've seen each other every weekend since Mexico (we live 2 hours apart). We talk on the phone throughout the day (almost) everyday. We have not made things official yet but he gave me a date of when he was planning to make it official but neither of us think we'll last that long. He shared some very deep and personal things about his life with me this morning. He wants to tell his mom about me but I keep telling him to wait. He was talking to his mother yesterday and telling her he's saving his money to have a wedding next year and I looked at him like "UMM, when where you going to tell me about this?" I am sure we WONT be marrying next year. Prayfully, 2011 but who knows. 

Last night, I sent him a text message telling him that he is the one for me and he's the one I want to spend my life with. He responded by calling me and telling me we need to start preparing for marriage spiritually, etc... I dont fear expressing a thought, feeling, or emotion. I have initiated saying I love you and I'm in love with you and he reciprocates always. He accepts and reciprocates everything. He's so affectionate, considerate, and attentive. He assures me all the time that I am everything he wants and needs and I will be the future Mrs. Day. 

We've already discussed wedding destination ideas, themes, pre-marital counseling (a concern because we have a long distance relationship), church home (also a concern because we both love our church homes), where we will live, where the children should go to school, etc etc etc...

There are no games. There is no guessing. There is no confusion. I prayed and God answered. You know how some people find love when they least expect. Well, my husband coming to me was very intentional. I didnt expect him but I got him and I am so glad its him. There's a security in knowing that you prayed a prayer and this is your answer. There's also comfort in knowing that if he messes up, he'll have to answer to my sister and her DH (her DH is his best friend and his relationship with my sis and DH is VERY important to him). He knows that my sis and her DH will find comfort in knowing that the man that will marry me will be someone they are confidant will give me all the love, fidelity, care, affection, and protection a man can give. 

Sigh...

God truly showed off. I thank God for him always and it increases my faith that God listens and will give you the desires of your heart if you delight in him. You dont have to be perfect but your obedience does make provisions for you. I am mindful to continue to grow in Jesus because He is my life line. All that I have comes from Him and is in Him and without Him, I would have nothing and no one.


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## aribell (Jul 21, 2009)

Wow!  Sounds like a fairytale indeed.  Happy for you. 



prettyfaceANB said:


> Precious,
> 
> UPDATE!
> 
> ...


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## BeautifulFlower (Jul 21, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Wow! Sounds like a fairytale indeed. Happy for you.


 
 My best friend today was like GIRL YOU ARE GLOWING FOR REAL!He makes me happy. I just called him, asked him what he was doing and he says, "Writing you a poem and printing out pictures of you."
             :lovedrool:  :reddancer:


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## Renewed1 (Jul 21, 2009)

I pray that this is your time to shine.  I wanted to thank you for starting this thread.  This has been an encouragement for me.  

I too ask God to allow me to meet my husband so we can be *FRIENDS*.  We'll see.  But your thread has been an encouragement.

I pray everything works out for you.


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## kayte (Jul 22, 2009)

How did I miss THIS news   

SHOWERS OF BLESSINGS IN ABUNDANCE..& BLISS......

love the family connection..in all of it...
GOD IS GREAT


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## BeautifulFlower (Jul 22, 2009)

Changed said:


> I pray that this is your time to shine. I wanted to thank you for starting this thread. This has been an encouragement for me.
> 
> I too ask God to allow me to meet my husband so we can be *FRIENDS*. We'll see. But your thread has been an encouragement.
> 
> I pray everything works out for you.


 
I am so confident in the power of prayer. Just staying close to the heart of God, always praying and thinking about Him, reading the word, and MORE prayer. I said & read this one prayer many many nights: 

*[pray]"Lord God, your Word declares that if I delight myself in you—if I enjoy and seek your pleasure above mine—you'll give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). Desiring a husband is neither evil nor selfish because marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4). At the beginning of creation, you proclaimed, "It is not good that man should be alone" and then you created Eve to be a suitable partner for Adam (Genesis 2:18). In the name of Jesus, I ask that you would protect the husband—a suitable partner—you have chosen for me. Because the covenant of marriage is sacred (Mark 10:9), I ask for a man of God. Please give me a husband whose love for me is only outmatched by his love for you; a man who will cherish me and build me up (Proverbs 31:28); a man who will honor me (I Peter 3:7) and our marriage vows; a man who will be a good father and provider; a man whom I will be attracted to physically, emotionally, and spiritually; a man who will love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Keep me from attaching myself to another man out of desperation. I will not settle for a relationship that's second best, convenient, or one that feeds my insecurities. Guard my purity and give me the patience to wait. And when I meet him, confirm to me that he is the one. Release from me the baggage of past relationships, and prepare me for the man You have chosen to be my husband. Free me from any hindrances to a healthy and godly marriage: insecurities, habitual sins, selfishness, and emotional hurts. Dispel my unrealistic expectations that set me up for disappointment. I place my trust in you rather than my partner. In this period of waiting, I will look to you alone to be my companion and best friend. You are the one who redeems my life from the pit, who crowns me with love and compassion, who satisfies my desires with good things (Psalm 103:4-5). I will not be anxious, but as I present my requests to you, flood me with the peace that surpasses all understanding so my heart and my mind are guarded in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6,7). In this request, I commit myself to trust you and do good, to dwell in the land and feed on your faithfulness. I commit my way to you and trust that you will bring it to pass (Psalm 37:35). Amen" [pray]
(author unknown)*

I pray many peace and blessing and love to coming running after you like nothing else. Also, look at who is around you now. He may not be EVERYTHING but God is still working on him and you. 



kayte said:


> How did I miss THIS news
> 
> SHOWERS OF BLESSINGS IN ABUNDANCE..& BLISS......
> 
> ...


 
I love it too.  There's security in it. Thank you for your blessings.


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## Prudent1 (Jul 23, 2009)

Wow!! What an awesome prayer! Pretty, I am so happy for you! How uplifting to be reminded of our God's faithfulness!
I wanted to share this one with some of the ladies too.
Knowing God’s Plan for You Regarding Marriage
Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my desire to find a godly husband (wife). Lord, I trust in, lean on, rely on and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or be disappointed; let not my enemies, the spirits of rejection, hurt, inferiority, or unworthiness triumph over me (Psalm 25).
Heavenly Father, it is written, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you”, says the Lord, “thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” says the Lord (Jeremiah 29:11-14 amp)
Heavenly Father, I am looking for Your plan, Your answer for my life. It is my desire to be married. But I must be sure in my decision that I am living as You intend and than I am accepting whatever situation You have put me into. According to Your Word, marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life.
Lord you weigh the spirits, the thoughts and the intents of the heart (Proverbs 16:2), therefore, I give them wholly to You. I ask that You cause my thoughts to become agreeable to Your will, and so shall my plans be established and succeed. Because You Lord, are my Shepherd and I have everything I need! I trust to You my life, Lord, that You will let me rest in the meadow grass and lead me beside the quiet streams. You will give me new strength and help me do what honors and glorifies You the most. Heavenly Father, help me to not be afraid, and to know that You are close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way as I seek Your will for my life. Lord teach me to always pray and not to faint, lose heart, or give up that I may know Your will for my life. I ask You Lord to give me strength to accept Your will even if that means that it is not Your will for me to be married at this time (Luke 18:1). In Jesus Name I pray. Amen!


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## BeautifulFlower (Dec 9, 2009)

A little update: 

Last night, we decided to come forward to the family this weekend. I am excited and nervous. This courtship has been awesome. He is the most amazing man. He loves and takes care of me. I never have to guess how he feels. He'll do anything for me. We have so much fun together. I could go on and on. I am truly grateful to God for his grace and mercy to send me someone that loves and cares for me so much as he does. 

I dont know ladies....there might another engagement story in the future.


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## HoneyA (Dec 9, 2009)

Wow! This is great and so inspirational! I can't wait to hear more of your story! I'm gearing up for the wedding!


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## PinkPebbles (Dec 9, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> A little update:
> 
> Last night, we decided to come forward to the family this weekend. I am excited and nervous. This courtship has been awesome. He is the most amazing man. He loves and takes care of me. I never have to guess how he feels. He'll do anything for me. We have so much fun together. I could go on and on. I am truly grateful to God for his grace and mercy to send me someone that loves and cares for me so much as he does.
> 
> I dont know ladies....there might another engagement story in the future.


 
That's exciting news....I wish you the best!!!


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## Prudent1 (Dec 9, 2009)

I was wondering how things were going for both of you. You look so happy in your siggie pic! I hope things will continue to go well for you .


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## ladyofvirtue (Dec 9, 2009)

*I am just so happy for you.*

*What a beautiful bride you will make!*

*Let us know when you "two shall become one."*


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## The Savvy Sistah (Dec 9, 2009)

I am so happy for you! This is such a positive example for women who have a desire to do it "God's way"! Make sure you keep us posted and you will be in my prayers!


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## KiSseS03 (Dec 9, 2009)

This thread has inspired me so much, I'm so happy for you prettyfaceANB! You're "glowing" even through your posts. I'm really motivated to get serious about praying for my future DH.


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## Renewed1 (Dec 9, 2009)

Yes, I'm happy for you prettyface.  I recently started praying for my husband this summer.  I do believe that God is going to deliver him complete and ready for me by the summer of next year.   

But I love the part you asked God, if he's not the one to keep you active.  Plus the other advice to keep your heart and mind aligned with God's.


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## BeautifulFlower (Dec 10, 2009)

KiSseS03 said:


> This thread has inspired me so much, I'm so happy for you prettyfaceANB! You're "glowing" even through your posts. I'm really motivated to get serious about praying for my future DH.





Changed said:


> Yes, I'm happy for you prettyface.  I recently started praying for my husband this summer.  I do believe that God is going to deliver him complete and ready for me by the summer of next year.
> 
> But I love the part you asked God, if he's not the one to keep you active.  Plus the other advice to keep your heart and mind aligned with God's.




Hey ladies. Thanks for your words of encourage. I promise you, the best thing you can do is pray and be ready for God's choice. It may not be what you expect but it will be the best thing you've ever experienced.


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## yahi1980 (Dec 10, 2009)

Hi prettyfaceanb
I'm so happy for u cause I've secretly been following your tread and at the same time that u found this wonderful relationship and shared it with us (not the two crushes before...told you i was following your tread!) something amazing happened to me, i met my husband to be and we are getting engaged this February!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I couldn't wait to hear from you, i was praying and hoping that everything was still on track... I'm so happy for you, i finally subscribe today so i could share with all of you, cause prettyfaceanb didn't have to share something so personal but she did even though it started with two different crushes!!!! 

It was a blessing for me , so i had to share and tell you how much of a blessing u were by share this. I hope I'm  as much of a blessing to someone else by share this and yes as u read this and rejoice for prettyfaceanb and I remember if GOD can do it for us he would do it for u, even as you say to ur self i can't wait anymore . know that GOD is bringing u the perfect one for u!!
Sorry for being long,and going crazy with the smilies,  feel free to ask away if you have any questions or comments


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## Renewed1 (Dec 10, 2009)

yahi1980 said:


> I hope I'm as much of a blessing to someone else by share this and yes as u read this and rejoice for prettyfaceanb and I remember if GOD can do it for us he would do it for u, *even as you say to ur self i can't wait anymore . know that GOD is bringing u the perfect one for u!*!!


 
Thank you for writing this....I needed to hear this.  Because I was just having fits about this earlier today.


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## BeautifulFlower (Dec 10, 2009)

LOL! I guess this thread has been a little journey for me. Those other guys, though nice, I see now that it wasnt supposed to go past just being friends. The first, well...he is truly a man of God...but I am too tall. Shallow but reality. The other, he was nice and fun to hang with but he never had a girlfriend soo....he had no clue about women. Totally clueless. So I am friends with them now. 

This guy was 100% a pursuer. I prayed and he came to me. I remember when I first met him, I didnt think much of him. Now, he means the world to me. Go figure!


@Changed - Dont fret...God has a plan for you. It is impossible to please God without faith. Ask, be content, and trust that its coming without delay. 



yahi1980 said:


> Hi prettyfaceanb
> I'm so happy for u cause I've secretly been following your tread and at the same time that u found this wonderful relationship and shared it with us (not the two crushes before...told you i was following your tread!) something amazing happened to me, i met my husband to be and we are getting engaged this February!!!!!!!!!!!!
> I couldn't wait to hear from you, i was praying and hoping that everything was still on track... I'm so happy for you, i finally subscribe today so i could share with all of you, cause prettyfaceanb didn't have to share something so personal but she did even though it started with two different crushes!!!!
> 
> ...


 


Changed said:


> Thank you for writing this....I needed to hear this. Because I was just having fits about this earlier today.


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## yahi1980 (Dec 10, 2009)

Hi Changed 
I know how it feels cause i have been there, always trying to remind myself to be happy for my friends who got there before me, not letting jealousy or envy sip through my heart..so this is what i would do..i would say: if GOD did it for her.. He is showing me that He is the GOD of miracles, and grace, and He can still do it for me... matter of fact i know he hasn't forgotten about be! So i would say Diane be genuinely happy cause u would want people to be happy for u when u r next! cause u are next!!!!!!
I would search my heart and make an effort to get rid of all envy or jealousy and be happy. 
I started praying for marriage when i was 26, i am now 29 so i had my periods where *i would boo ooh*, *cried to my mom* and say *when lord when*, *how long lord i cant take this any longer*, 
But i also took this time to work on me, on being a better person and grow in my lord.

I was all about me wanting to b marry, having a big wedding, having a family and children it was like a rite of passage and i wanted in, to make myself  feel like i was okay, i wasn't a failure, I was good enough for someone good to marry me, and i would b on track to be happy and succeed, but it was all coming from a pretty selfish place.

Not that I'm perfect now far from the truth, but i know now, that I'm a better equipped to be a wife then i was before.

Marriage is about GOD, love, understanding,respect, and growing together,and be willing to put somebody interest before your own.

It about GOD _because baby unless GOD says u r ready you are not so first and foremost turn to GOD and seek his face and even as it is taking some time trust that he is getting you prepare!_

love _cause obviously you need to love each other the kind of love that GOD gives, not infatuation, not hot steamy passion ( not that it hurts)  cause after a while infatuation turns into reality and the person you thought u loved.. now u can't seem to stand anymore... and passion fades out, _
_but true love is the kind of love that GOD has for us and unless u know GOD and how much he loves you to the point that He gave the most important thing for you and never regretting it, even as we fall short! that the kind of love that we should have! _
_do u have that kind of love for ur husband, or ur husband to be or ur significant other! would you give what is most dear to u for their sake and never trow it back in their faces when they come short of what u expect or come down from the pedestal on which you put them! _
_would you allow them  to be who they are without trying to change them into what you want them to be but would you love them still and even more once you realize u can't change them or would the Little habits that u were overlooking before start to annoy you or things that u used to consider cute qualities in ur partner become to be a  source of frustration _
understanding _that u r not perfect and he or she is not, we run toward the price which is perfection but none of us has achieve it yet, so make room for each other to grow, encouraging, each other to be better and knowing that u might come short and he might as well come short, challenging each other to do better and never ever nagging no one likes to b kick when they are down or constantly be reminded of their short coming ,,,,are u sure u r ready for this_
respect _is so important, is to show the other u value them, their opinions, is giving ur partner some consideration and reciprocation, treating them with dignity no matter what_
growing together _so u don't grow apart, learn what is important to him share an interest, spend quality time together, pray together, fast together, never go to bed upset at each other, but also allowing him is alone time that might not necessarily involve you, but still feel secure and confident_
i haven't master all of it but I'm definitely better at them now it took some time to get here but i can say it was Worth it !!!!
Changed as i type this know that u are being prepared and GOD is working wonder on ur behalf he loves too much not to.

It took 3 years for me to get here, i met my husband to be in July and in February we are getting engaged in Annapolison a boat.

Trust God and dream big cause GOD will out performed your dream cause their is no limit to our mighty GOD.
I love you in the lord and will keep you in my prayers 
prettyfaceanb sorry for the long post


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## BeautifulFlower (Dec 11, 2009)

This was a great post. Thanks for sharing your experience. 



yahi1980 said:


> Hi Changed
> I know how it feels cause i have been there, always trying to remind myself to be happy for my friends who got there before me, not letting jealousy or envy sip through my heart..so this is what i would do..i would say: if GOD did it for her.. He is showing me that He is the GOD of miracles, and grace, and He can still do it for me... matter of fact i know he hasn't forgotten about be! So i would say Diane be genuinely happy cause u would want people to be happy for u when u r next! cause u are next!!!!!!
> I would search my heart and make an effort to get rid of all envy or jealousy and be happy.
> I started praying for marriage when i was 26, i am now 29 so i had my periods where *i would boo ooh*, *cried to my mom* and say *when lord when*, *how long lord i cant take this any longer*,
> ...


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## new-life (Dec 11, 2009)

yahi1980 said:


> Marriage is about GOD, love, understanding,respect, and growing together,and be willing to put somebody interest before your own.
> 
> It about GOD _because baby unless GOD says u r ready you are not so first and foremost turn to GOD and seek his face and even as it is taking some time trust that he is getting you prepare!_
> 
> ...



I know you were talking to changed but I just got checked with this quote here.


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## Jenibo (Dec 19, 2009)

Ok this thread just provided me with insight. My reasonings for wanting marriage were very selfish, and when I truly think about what marriage entails I'm not ready. For now       my focus is on God and I will wait on Him while He works on and through me. Thx to all the ladies who shared and for the prayers that were posted- and congrats Pretty!!!


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## Renewed1 (Dec 19, 2009)

Thank you yahi.  These last few months have been intersting for me.  I went through being prompted to pray for my husband, to now just praying for myself and focusing on the areas of my life that needs repairing and keeping busy.

But before I read this post yesterday, I did pray that in my marriage that God gets the glory. I've done alot of self evaluation and my desire for marriage isn't selfish, but to glorify God.  Thank you for confirmation as I wait on God.

Be bless. 




yahi1980 said:


> Hi Changed
> I know how it feels cause i have been there, always trying to remind myself to be happy for my friends who got there before me, not letting jealousy or envy sip through my heart..so this is what i would do..i would say: if GOD did it for her.. He is showing me that He is the GOD of miracles, and grace, and He can still do it for me... matter of fact i know he hasn't forgotten about be! So i would say Diane be genuinely happy cause u would want people to be happy for u when u r next! cause u are next!!!!!!
> I would search my heart and make an effort to get rid of all envy or jealousy and be happy.
> I started praying for marriage when i was 26, i am now 29 so i had my periods where *i would boo ooh*, *cried to my mom* and say *when lord when*, *how long lord i cant take this any longer*,
> ...


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## BeautifulFlower (Dec 19, 2009)

Sometimes we feel like God has to get us 'ready' to be a wife or to bring our mate. Define ready? There is no definition because God uses big and small to serve a purpose. Your mate finding you is to serve a purpose and that purpose is to learn something about God and ultimately bring him glory. 

I feel as though we as women expect so much of ourselves that causes us to place the focus on 'fixing' ourselves so God will be happy with you and then you'll find a husband. Thats often not the case. God uses the broken to accomplish great things, those people that feel they are least qualified. And its though the hard times that we learn the things we need to that prepare us to share ourselves with someone else. 

I had been through a bad break-up before my SO. It caused me to run after God and reprioritize. My SO had been with women that were nice but did not understand the man he is and his needs. Its through the things we've been through that makes us fit so well and had we not gone through those things, we would NOT be on the same page now, I guarentee you that. I thought I was ready to meet my husband. When my SO came into my life and we began courting, I soon found out I wasnt very ready at all. We had to fix, communicate, compromise, and sacrifice to be ready for each other. I think thats the only thing I was really ready to do. And it was a blessing that God sent me a man that is 100% all about communication and compromise for the one you love.

So trust, I was not ready when I got with him. I am still getting ready. 
God will send you someone when the time is right and the purpose he has set is ready to be put in motion.


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## natural in ATL (Dec 20, 2009)

I just saw this thread and I read it from beginning to end.  What an awesome God we serve!  Pretty, I'm so happy for you and I wish you and your future DH all of God's blessings!  

I totally agree with your last post about being "ready".  I was not necessarily ready when I met my future husband - we were both enjoying our single lives and not necessarily looking for a spouse.  I still had a lot of growing to do.  But when God blesses a relationship you can see the difference in yourself.  I became a better person once I was with him, I became more understanding/patient/loving/thoughtful/giving.  And none of these changes took any effort or thought - they just happened!  I believe that's how it flows when you finally meet the one God has created for you.

We are getting married in 2011 and I thank God every day for not bringing us together until the time was right.    I'm praying for everyone in this thread who has expressed a desire to grow in their relationship with God while He prepares them for their husband!  Trust me, it is worth the wait!!


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## natural in ATL (Dec 20, 2009)

One thing I want to add to my previous post...I realize that remaining patient, understanding, giving, etc. will take a lot of effort and hard work over the life of a relationship.  I think it comes easier in the beginning when:

1) you're not living together yet (I'm guessing some of the things that are "cute" and "quirky" now will become irritating over time! )
2) you and your SO aren't dealing with extra stressful situations (new baby, financial problems, etc.)
3) you haven't been in the relationship for years on end --> after some years you may have a tendency to take it (and your SO) for granted 

I believe a strong spiritual foundation, putting God first, praying together, compromise and open communication will help in maintaining all of the positive attributes that this relationship has brought out in me.


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