# It matters whom you marry...



## Aviah (Sep 26, 2012)

Seems obvious, but just thought I would share.

http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/

It Matters Whom You Marry
August 15, 2012
By RVD
in Marriage, Women
My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.


----------



## Shimmie (Sep 26, 2012)

This is a very needed message and I'm going to take time out to read it in more detail.   Thank you so much for sharing this.


----------



## Loving (Sep 26, 2012)

This is really good! Thanks OP!


----------



## sweetvi (Oct 1, 2012)

Saving this.... Thanks.


----------



## momi (Oct 3, 2012)

This is a well written piece that allows the person considering marriage to view it in different light - well past the fairly tale into reality.

I plan to share this with many young women...


----------



## stephluv (Apr 9, 2013)

Had to read this slowly and let the words speak to me!! This is great information and even tho I am not dating right now...I want to be aware of these things...this is motivation for me to continue to pray (it was actually the prayer focus for Day 8- marriage and singles) This also was a reminder and CONFIRMATION why the men of the past will STAY the past- so yes it DOES matter whom you marry


----------



## charmingt (Apr 9, 2013)

Aviah said:


> Seems obvious, but just thought I would share.
> 
> http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/
> 
> ...


 

Sooooo beautiful and true.  Life is hard enough without having to deal with regretting whom you marry.


----------



## Mena (Apr 13, 2013)

This is true. I don't have a husband. But my new boyfriend has done so much to help my emotional health. I feel so blessed and lucky.  Yes, this totally makes a difference.


----------



## luthiengirlie (Apr 14, 2013)

much needed.. the next man who comes into my life I will observe very closely and in extreme prayer before going ALL IN


----------



## A.Marie (Apr 14, 2013)

Thanks OP for such an insightful article!


----------



## Dellas (Apr 14, 2013)

I thought being equally yoked was common knowledge

Yes the article is truthful 
There is no guarantee even when two Christian come together but you want to be on firm footing


----------



## Maracujá (Jun 2, 2013)

Adel10 said:


> I thought being equally yoked was common knowledge
> 
> Yes the article is truthful
> *There is no guarantee even when two Christian come together* but you want to be on firm footing



I really liked all the points she made, but the reason stated above is why I have problems with the first one. My sister has been with her man for 10 years and has three children with him. One of the children is a special needs child, she has autism, any other man would've walked away but he has stood by her side and treats her like a queen. He doesn't frequent church and although he owns a Bible I doubt he reads it frequently.


----------



## momi (Jun 2, 2013)

*Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare.*

This could not be closer to the truth...


----------



## felic1 (Jun 2, 2013)

My brother married a lady, I guess he was very much in love with her. He was on SSI and she was on section 8. Who supports the family? My brother started landscaping work and my mother and father put them in a house with a lot of assistance. He had 2 children and she had 4. Fast forward, mama and daddy have paid big bills, taxes, water, roofs and other improvements. Mama and Daddy were sick and called on the telephone to discuss some family matters that they would like his opinion on. The wife used caller ID, demanded that calls from their number be ignored, and that her children do likewise. They could not be bothered with sick old people and demanded they be put in a nursing home. Well in order to do so, the home they live in has to be sold. We will see. It matters who you marry. If your wife or husband does not want to be bothered with your parents or family, they won't change and be bothered later. Thanks for reading.


----------



## Shimmie (Jun 2, 2013)

felic1 said:


> My brother married a lady, I guess he was very much in love with her. He was on SSI and she was on section 8. Who supports the family?
> 
> My brother started landscaping work and my mother and father put them in a house with a lot of assistance. He had 2 children and she had 4. Fast forward, mama and daddy have paid big bills, taxes, water, roofs and other improvements.
> 
> ...



felic1...

I have tears in my eyes reading this.   I'm praying for your Mom and Dad.  They sacrificed so that others could have.    They gave up the joys of their 'golden years' when they could have traveled or simply enjoyed the fruit of their labour that they worked so hard to earn and then save.  

In the Name of Jesus, Father God return unto these wonderful, giving, loving parents the joy of their hard labour.    Let them be in health and strength as you gave to Moses whose eye was not dim nor was his strength abated, in Jesus' Name.   

Heal whatever aches and pains they may have; normalized their blood pressure, sugar levels, chlorlesterol levels, balance their acid/alkaline levels, strengthen their arteries, veins, vessels and even renew their hair.    Renew their strength to levels far beyond their years and Father God, bless them to enjoy the fruit of the earth, to travel and to be safe and to dwell and occupy this land until you come, in Jesus' Name.   

Let them be productive beings once again, renew in them a new and right spirit and that they are closer to you than ever before.   Heal their broken hearts from the rejection of others; let your joy overflow and give them great peace and assurance.   Renew their minds, let there be nothing lacking in their brain functions or memory.    Restore unto them all that was lost 1000-fold and allow their loving daughter felic1 to be the 'Trustee' of all they own for in her heart and hands, they need never fear betrayal.

Thank Lord God our Father for hearing our prayers.  To you be all honour and all Glory and All power in Jesus' Name, Amen and Amen.


----------



## felic1 (Jun 2, 2013)

Shimmie..thank you sis. It has been a long three years. My dad will be home from rehab on 6/9/13. He is looking much better. Mama is in rehab too. She is sounding good. Just balking about those exercises she has to do. Bless you. You are a real blessing!


----------



## Nice & Wavy (Jun 2, 2013)

How did I miss this thread???

Very good thread...very good!


----------



## thatscuteright (Dec 25, 2013)

Excellent thread.

( 10 char)


----------



## felic1 (Dec 25, 2013)

This topic is good every day. A lot of engagements occur at the Holidays. Do not be in such a rush and say yes for the wrong reasons. We want to avoid fornication but marrying a heathen to do so is not the right selection


----------

