# Trusting Our Black Men - Can We Love and Still Not Trust the Men We Love?



## Shimmie (Nov 21, 2006)

Is is possible to love a man, although you do not trust him?  

I have to 'come out' of hiding with this one.  I've had to face up to the fact that for a long time, I've suppressed and hidden; tried to rationalize, justify, and just plain 'lie'... that I've had a Distrust for Black men. 

Okay, I said it.    It's all out in the open.  Me and all of my love for Jesus and the love I've always felt for everyone, and yet, how can I love and not trust?  

The thing is I haven't always felt this way.  I grew up surrounded by Black men in our family (in all shades and mixes, yet still Black) who treated me like a princess.  The men in our family are like that to all of the women.   But this is family.  It's the outside men, I've not allowed in to trust them.

In my heart, outside of my family, I do love our Black men.  But thngs have happen and it's been rooted within my heart not to trust them.  This is not what I want as a part of my heart or my life.    

Along with prayer (which is *major* key), where do we begin to trust our men again?   What steps do we need to take?  How does the healing really begin with ALL of our Black men, not just some or one or two of them? 

There's some other things I want to share with you later; one is about something that I have done, that I'm not happy about.   First, I want to see what the replies and feelings that others have.  Who else has or does feel this way?   

What does our precious brother member have to say?   

I wonder if BlkManWithSomeSense, has experienced distrust from Black women if he or knows of it from his male friends/associates.  

Thanks in advance for your Healing replies.

With all my love....


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 21, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Is is possible to love a man, although you do not trust him?
> 
> I have to 'come out' of hiding with this one.  I've had to face up to the fact that for a long time, I've suppressed and hidden; tried to rationalize, justify, and just plain 'lie'... that I've had a Distrust for Black men.
> 
> ...



I definitely understand where you are coming from.  And I will respond, but I am leaving work now, so I will respond when I get home.  I think a lot of Black women feel exactly as you do (and I admit that I have been/am one of them).


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 21, 2006)

cocoberry10 said:
			
		

> I definitely understand where you are coming from. And I will respond, but I am leaving work now, so I will respond when I get home. I think a lot of Black women feel exactly as you do (and I admit that I have been/am one of them).


 
Thanks 'Sweet Coco' and 

Pebs...(cause I know you heard me 'praying'  ) and you'll be here too. 

I'll on my way home too.  I'll be here back soon.  Cause I have to share something that I have done....  

Love you...


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 21, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Is is possible to love a man, although you do not trust him?
> 
> Along with prayer (which is *major* key), where do we begin to trust our men again?   What steps do we need to take?  How does the healing really begin with ALL of our Black men, not just some or one or two of them?
> 
> There's some other things I want to share with you later; one is about something that I have done, that I'm not happy about.   First, I want to see what the replies and feelings that others have.  Who else has or does feel this way?



I admit that I have felt this way.  I too grew up with wonderful examples of Black men (father, uncles, family friends and even my crazy pastor--who is an honorable Black man of God).

When I got to college, that's when things changed for me.  I noticed a tension between Black men and women.  Some of the black men wouldn't hold a door for a Black woman, or help her with her boxes.  They played black women, dating many at the same time.  They weren't always respectful.

I realized 2 things:

1)  There are respectful Black men, and a lot of times women completely overlook them.  Even the jerks can step up to the plate if given the chance.  God has really been showing me this lately in myself.  He has brought new Black males into my life who aren't relatives, family friends, or friends from college, and they have taught me more about myself than I could have foreseen.  Not all these men are saved either, but I KNOW God has brought them into my life to show me things about me that He wants to change.

2) The above is the truth of all races.  I have always had friends of all races, and really we go through the same things.  White men are NOT more respectful than Black men.  Many non-black men have fathers to show them how to treat women.  Since many black men don't, they really are creating the image they think they should have. This is not to excuse disrespectful behavior, but it's important to say.  I also have come to realize that people treat you in ways that you allow them.  I will not let a man disrespect me, regardless of his race.  But I won't subject myself to disrespect either.

Something God has shown me about men recently is that they really like to have their egos stroked, and Black men are no exception.  Example from one of the new people that has come into my life--I really thought he was a selfish, arrogant jerk.  But I recently had something happen in my life where I needed encouragement, and surprisingly, he gave the best encouragement/advice.  I sent him an email to say thanks, not even expecting a response.  But he gave one, and actually encouraged me more.  So, yes, even the not so gentlemanly black men do want to be better.

I have more to say, but I need to think of how to word it.  I will attach a poem (put in another reply right below this one) that I had gotten from a friend's email.


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 21, 2006)

From an email I received...

*A Prayer for the Black Man*

Dear God:

Thank you for the black men that you have put on this earth. More importantly thank you for the good black men that you have put on this campus. I know that the men here are often under appreciated so I want to take this time to thank you for them. Rarely do they have anyone tell them how great they are which can cause many to question their worth. To me black men are so beautiful that they put the colors inside of my world. The good men here are my heroes. They deserve to be admired, cherished and loved. There are so many good qualities that these men possess but their deeds often go unnoticed. 

I know that men don't always do right, but neither do women, and unless we are perfect in our walk we have no right to be overly critical. We often walk around and pass judgment based on the actions of a few bad seeds and we never give credit to how great guys on campus really are. Thank you for the black men that deal with our attitudes, drama and unnecessary rants. Thank you for the black men that can handle our mood swings, insecurities, and when we go off for no good reason are tolerant enough to let it ride. 

Thank you Lord for the strength that you have bestowed upon these men. They wake up every morning with the world against them and instead of lying down they rise up and work harder to be all that they can be. Thank you for the determination that you have put in so many of these men on campus. You give them the will to work hard so they can succeed in life. Lord, you have blessed us with many brilliant young men on this campus and if they didn't know this, I pray that someone in their lives will let them know. 

Thank you for the good men that take care of business. For the many guys that hold open doors or give up seats on the shuttles, thank you. For the men that walk with girls at night to keep them safe, thank you. Thanks for the guys willing to try our cooking, when some of us can barely boil water. Thanks for the guys that pass out flowers in the cold on Valentine's Day to the lonely women here. Thank you for the guys who help us move in and out of the dorms every year. Thank you for the guys that helped shovel our cars out of the snow. Thank you for all the things they do that go unrecognized. 

I wish they could know that if no one else in this world loves them, I do. I also pray that the women here can realize that not all men are the same. I pray that for once the good guys can finish first. Also I pray that women will realize that every man here is not out to dog her. I thank you for the men that love us with all our faults. Theyâ€™re some of your greatest creations and they deserve to be shown some love every now and then. 

So Lord if any man out there today feels down, I pray that you help lift him and keep him strong. And for the men who are reading this and in no way can relate, I pray that they can get their acts together and become the great men they're destined to be. Thank you God for the Good Men.  Amen.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 21, 2006)

Coco, thank you for the beauty of your ministry.  Not only is it appreciated, but it is also programed for me and many others who will read what you've shared.  Your entire posts are totally on point.  

Coco, remember my recent thread, "Love Becomes Me"?  (linked right here below)

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=106567

When God whispered these words into my spirit, "Love Becomes you" He is obviously showing me what looks best on me and what people are more drawn to...His love.  What I adorn myself best is with His love.  That's His true beauty.

This present thread is focusing on the following:

1.  Facing the Truth and Reality about this issue.  
2. The Contributing Factors
3.  Methods of Healing 
4.  Opening up to the Healing
4.  Extending Love and Grace 
5.  Understanding Our Black Men
6.  Encourage "Normal" Friendships 
    with Black Men as I have with White Men
7.  Believe in them again.

Food for thought:

For years we've we have been resentful of Black men who become successful and then marry outside of our race; only to enhance the life of one from another culture and not keep the success it within ours.

I have a 'gift' which goes beyond silver or gold or rubies.  An annointing upon my life and a Blood Covenant enriched by a personal and loving relationship with our Heavenly Father.  This and all, which affords me far more then money can buy.  No doubt whomever I marry will benefit; but to whom shall I give it?  God gives me a choice and He will honor it either way. 

My choice cannot be based upon his color...


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 22, 2006)

I've been in prayer since I posted this thread.  This is a mistake that I made about 4 years ago and I've never been happy about it.

I rejected a man because he was a 'Brother'.  It didn't start out that way, but I rejected him and I did it for all the wrong reasons.  The thing is, I was afraid to let him into my life as more than a friend. 

I tried to rationalize it by thinking he was a 'flirt', but all men 'flirt to a degree and I always handle it very well, by 'flipping the script' and sharing the Lord with them.  Many have been led to the Lord or have enriched their walk with Him.

Anyway, he was a nice person and I rejected his attempts to know me better, only because he was Black.   

I've changed alot since then and now even more, God has been dealing with my heart to see our men as honorable.

I love our men.  I just want to trust them and let them in my life again.  I cherish the White friends that I have.  They truly love me without reservations.  I know that God is mending and blending the races and it's so beautiful in the way that I've been experiencing this 'blend and mend' of our cultures. 

But I don't want to leave out the men I truly love...Black like me.  There's an ache in my heart that misses them.  Whether I marry White or Black, I want the loving trust of our Black men back.


----------



## crlsweetie912 (Nov 22, 2006)

I have trust issues, but I have never dated other than a Black man.  There is a guy that's been calling me for a while now.  We go to church together and I keep things light.  We went on a couple of dates last year but it didn't work out.  He told me we would "just be friends", but lately he's been blowing my phone up.  I don't understand men for the most part and have a hard time trusting anybody for a number of reasons.  My last relationship really took the cake.  It would have to be "the one" for me to ever open up fully to any man again.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 22, 2006)

crlsweetie912 said:
			
		

> I have trust issues, but I have never dated other than a Black man. There is a guy that's been calling me for a while now. We go to church together and I keep things light. We went on a couple of dates last year but it didn't work out. He told me we would "just be friends", but lately he's been blowing my phone up. I don't understand men for the most part and have a hard time trusting anybody for a number of reasons. My last relationship really took the cake. It would have to be "the one" for me to ever open up fully to any man again.


I believe God wants to 'close' the gap on this trust issue with our men.  
The majority of our men are more than trustworthy.  

But you know what happens Crlsweetie, we (as women) get 'hit' with the big ones.  You know the big heartbreaks and disappointments; we forgive and actually 'forget' and then we get 'hit' again, only harder this time and it makes us put up a guard to protect ourselves.  

I loved my ex-husband, more than any man who has walked this earth, I loved him, yet he 'left' me without regard to void of trust that he was leaving me with as his token of 'love.'   

Life's lessons... Jesus comes in and we heal.  And we have to let him heal us...continually.


----------



## pebbles (Nov 22, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> I've been in prayer since I posted this thread. This is a mistake that I made about 4 years ago and I've never been happy about it.
> 
> I rejected a man because he was a 'Brother'. It didn't start out that way, but I rejected him and I did it for all the wrong reasons. The thing is, I was afraid to let him into my life as more than a friend.
> 
> ...


 
Shim, I've been thinking about this since you posted it yesterday. I had to seek God and ask Him the same question you asked here. 

You know how you learn to trust _any_ person? One individual at a time, and on an individual basis. That goes for all men. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove that they are not worthy of your trust. _Not all men are honorable, and not all black men are dishonorable and dishonest._ When you've been hurt, it is normal to be weary. But don't miss out on knowing some great people because of what someone else did. God wants you to be free of this. Psalm 147:3 says _He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds._

Know that because you have confessed this here, you have been set free, and are on the road to total healing. If you hadn't said anything, you'd still be a slave to this hurt. I love you, sis!


----------



## crlsweetie912 (Nov 22, 2006)

I understand EXACTLY what you mean Shimmie!  I got hit with several big ones.  The last one being the most devastating.  It's all good though, because I don't know if I would have fully given myself over to God and totally and completely changed my life!  I have no regrets about anything that I have been through, because I have learned a whole heck of alot about myself, what I don't want, and WHAT I NEED!  God is awesome how his plans for us are totally and completely perfect, even with all of the "bumps" along the road!


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 22, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> Shim, I've been thinking about this since you posted it yesterday. I had to seek God and ask Him the same question you asked here.
> 
> You know how you learn to trust _any_ person? One individual at a time, and on an individual basis. That goes for all men. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove that they are not worthy of your trust. _Not all men are honorable, and not all black men are dishonorable and dishonest._ When you've been hurt, it is normal to be weary. But don't miss out on knowing some great people because of what someone else did. God wants you to be free of this. Psalm 147:3 says _He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds._
> 
> Know that because you have confessed this here, you have been set free, and are on the road to total healing. If you hadn't said anything, you'd still be a slave to this hurt. I love you, sis!


 
Thanks Sweetheart.  This is exactly what it is.  Letting go of *all* of the disappointments I've experienced (my marriage and my first church) and allow God to set me *completely* free.   For in all this time, I had only suppressed it. 

Love you much...


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 22, 2006)

I agree with all posters, and know where everyone is coming from.  Like I said in my post Singleness vs. Marriage (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=106156), I haven't been hurt like many women I know.

Sure, there has been a jerk or two, but the relationships never got far enough for them to do major damage.  I always ended before.

What Jesus has really been putting on my heart lately is that it's all about love.  Just think of how hurt He was on that cross, or how wounded He felt when Peter betrayed Him (not once, but 3 times).  Women get so bitter when they are hurt by men, and that's understandable.  But I know for me, God is working on me being more trusting and vulnerable (so Shimmie, your post came at a great time).  God is trying to get me to realize that I can't worry about whether someone is a jerk or not, and that should not be my focus when interacting with people.  Honoring God should always be our focus, and following His ways.

*What do you want God to say to you when you get to judgment day?  

1)  I'm glad you were able to honor my ways, and never get hurt in the process.  But you also never experienced loving others, turning others to me, or how much of a restorer I am, or really living, b/c you guarded your heart so much...

OR

2)  I know a lot of things didn't make sense to you at the time you went through them.  I know it hurt you when that man you really loved wouldn't marry you; when that man you married left; when that man you thought was "the one," wasn't...BUT look at the life you lived.  Look at all the people you brought to me.  Look at how you reflected MY LOVE (pure, unconditional, not expecting anything in return).  Look at how you took the disappointments in your life and still trusted Me.  How you were faithful, even when everything around you was faithless.

I know God is really weighing on me (trust me, my shoulders hurt) to be more open and vulnerable.  Not easy, but necessary.*

It's funny b/c God keeps putting this man on my heart/mind.  He's Black American (as am I), but we met in another country.  He is friends with another guy I know (who has those typical not-so great guy traits), that I also met in another country while studying abroad.  I have stayed friends with the guy in my program, and literally almost every time we talk, he mentions this other guy.  This guy definitely was a good guy, but the timing definitely wasn't right when I initially met him.  It's weird b/c I don't know him well, and I keep trying to forget thinking about him, but I'm really starting to think God wants to keep putting this person in my mind.  Maybe our paths will cross, and I don't know this yet, only God knows.


----------



## kbragg (Nov 22, 2006)

I never allowed race to be an issue. Who knows, God may have a Chinese man for you. I never thought I'd marry outside my race, but am happliy married to a white man. All men are the same, white, black, whatever, they're all dumb! That's why God created us to set them straight! On a serious note though, God does not concider race when it comes to salvation. We are ALL His bride. Imagine if he only wanted the hebrews and not went "outside the race." I thank God everyday for His love and mercy. So if God can marry a gentile, I can marry a white man. Race issues are nothing more than a root of pride that causes division. I won't go OT on this one. My advice, don't trust ANY man regardless of his race! Don't cast your pearls before swine, and guard your heart. Ask God for a TRUE believer who is walking after the Spirit, not after the flesh. His skin color should be irrelevant.

I hope my post doesn't come across as mean, it certainly isn't. I'm just on major pain killers right now after 5 surgical extractions, so my postings may be a bit erradic! 


.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 22, 2006)

kbragg said:
			
		

> I never allowed race to be an issue. Who knows, God may have a Chinese man for you. I never thought I'd marry outside my race, but am happliy married to a white man.
> 
> *All men are the same, white, black, whatever, they're all dumb! That's why God created us to set them straight!*
> 
> ...


 
 and giving you a high 5 double time.    Those meds you're on spoke the truth... 

Thank you, thank you, thank you Angel.   I'm laughing and I have tears in my eyes from the love in all of these posts.  "Shimmie was a wreck"  

I have been feeling so sad because I couldn't take any more bad news about the Black church and all the mess going on.  It was bringing up the past which I thought was over with.  In adddition to facing up to what I've been hiding in my heart regarding our 'men.'  

God never stops loving us and growing us up.  Each of you have 'loved' me through this and I am so grateful.  

Kbragg, your post has blessed me more than you can imagine.  I'm so glad for you and especially your husband, for his has 'you' to love him all the days of his life.  I send you rich and warm 'Marriage Blessings' that cannot be altered or taken away.   In Jesus' name...Amen and Amen.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 22, 2006)

cocoberry10 said:
			
		

> I agree with all posters, and know where everyone is coming from. Like I said in my post Singleness vs. Marriage
> 
> (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=106156), I haven't been hurt like many women I know.    Sure, there has been a jerk or two, but the relationships never got far enough for them to do major damage. I always ended before.
> 
> ...


 
Everything you shared has pierced straight into my heart.  It's tearing down the walls which I've allowed to be built to 'guard myself' from being hurt again.   

You shared about Jesus and the hurt he endured, 'the cross', the betrayals, and yet he loved. 

You shared that the hurts I've endured has brought others to Jesus...it's true.  That's how I always fought back.  

But Coco, here's where you nailed it and broke the yoke...your very words right here...

*



God is trying to get me to realize that I can't worry about whether someone is a jerk or not, and that should not be my focus when interacting with people. 

Honoring God should always be our focus, and following His ways.

Click to expand...

 
Thank you, Coco...  *


----------



## BlkManWithSomeSense (Nov 23, 2006)

Kbragg,
If I were to put what you said in context then basically you're saying that as a blk woman you see yourself no differently than any woman regardless of race.  If color was the only thing that made a black woman different from other women then I would agree with you but there is NOTHING like a blk woman. Her demeanor, resilience and composure is beyond compare. IMO she is special and well worth the wait. I'm glad that you've found happiness with someone of another race. However, there is much more to be desired in black relationships than mere skin color. 

Shimmie, 
There is a uniqueness in our culture and that is one major reason why many blk men and women resist the constant suggestions to go to other races. The attraction between us could almost be described as 'religious'. I mean no disrespect. I'm just saying that the unity is deeply spiritual, soulful and rejuvenating. The level of loyalty is unparalleled. When done correctly, there is no force on earth greater, stronger or deeper defined. However with such power of greatness there is also the possibility that some will abuse and manipulate, not realizing that in doing so they are creating a hurt so massive that it could leave many emotionally devoid for a very long time. 

When I date, I'm aware of this influence and I know occasionally I will encounter some women who's belief in blk men falters so low that they socialize with us merely to entertain the part of their consciousness that  challenges them to say they 'tried' . She doesn't expect much from the date. In fact, if there are any expectations, it's that she will expect me to fail, be deceitful and just when I've gained her trust, abandon her. 

Whats sad is that to a degree she's right. Many men do 'weasel in' under the guise of sincerity. Whats even sadder is that many blk men know some women think this way of 'us' and instead of rising to the occasion, they just give in to her opinion, believing that if she thinks him to be a beast, then a beast he will be. In his own way, feeling if she is abandoning him, he will do the same. 

It's not just you Shimmie, The trust system among us is in dire straits. IMO there is a HUGE lack of leadership among blk men, and a serious lack of responsibility. It is ESSENTIAL, whether the relationship turns out good or bad to hold a man accountable for his actions. If he does not follow through on his word then he must understand the gravity of consequences. I know it's hard to do when you love someone but if a man thinks everything is a free ride then he's not going to challenge himself. However the balance is providing him guidance and encouragement so that he can become the man he needs to be. Some women feel they are no longer in the 'guidance and nurturing business' and thats unfortunate. A man is NOTHING without the nurturing of a woman. Be she mother or wife.  

It is SO hard for black relationships to endure these days. There are many contributing factors that are undermining their existence. 
-Commonilties. We use our grandparents as examples of longevity and strength but whereas the enemy was clear and obvious during their day, our 'enemies' are smaller. The focus is not there. We do not have the civil rights era or OVERT acts of racism in our time to pull us together so easily and quickly. 
-The Role of the Church.For many, church is no longer a foundation. It is an accent. We worship together in large numbers but do not 'know' each other, feeling the word supersedes the need to maintain a tight connection of community.  Others have become disenfranchised, because of recent scandals. 
-Materialism. Great strides in material gains have not placed relationships as a priority. As some have acquired more, they become choosier and  demanding. placing emphasis on socio-economical compatibility and less on spiritual growth and maturity.
-Lastly a serious lack of self discipline. Moving away from a 'take what you need' to 'take all that you want because you can' mentality. It's hard for many to live simply because they are offered so much. 

I firmly believe in preserving this unique and wonderful type of love that has served as the structure and prototype for generations.


----------



## pebbles (Nov 23, 2006)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> Kbragg,
> If I were to put what you said in context then basically you're saying that as a blk woman you see yourself no differently than any woman regardless of race. If color was the only thing that made a black woman different from other women then I would agree with you but there is NOTHING like a blk woman. Her demeanor, resilience and composure is beyond compare. IMO she is special and well worth the wait. I'm glad that you've found happiness with someone of another race. However, there is much more to be desired in black relationships than mere skin color.
> 
> Shimmie,
> ...


 

My goodness! The wisdom *abounds!!!* Wonderful, wonderful post!!! 
Thank-you!! That was really great to read!!


----------



## CaramelMiSS (Nov 23, 2006)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> Kbragg,
> If I were to put what you said in context then basically you're saying that as a blk woman you see yourself no differently than any woman regardless of race. If color was the only thing that made a black woman different from other women then I would agree with you but there is NOTHING like a blk woman. Her demeanor, resilience and composure is beyond compare. IMO she is special and well worth the wait. I'm glad that you've found happiness with someone of another race. However, there is much more to be desired in black relationships than mere skin color.
> 
> Shimmie,
> ...


 

Do you know that I am dealing with that right now alot of young black men tend to think, "No one was ther to help me so why should I help someone who I don't know?" .  I was so mad when I heard that question, but that just put something into view for me, there is a lack of leadership because of that type of attitude right there. Another thing about trusting, I had an issue with that a while ago when I had my first relationship, God told me do not trust anyone but him and I continue to do that.  The thing about church that I notice alot of people that are brought up in the church that I have come in to contact with do not do the main thing that one should do when building a relationship with God, which READ THE BIBLE.  I hear so many people say that if you do not go to church then you don't know God.  That is so not true, yes you need to fellowship but the only one that can teach you is God.  It is good to have a mentor to help lead you to God but,  when you not reading the word and counting on a man/human to teach you that's when you fail.  Just like when you take a class you have a teacher to teach you but you are responsible for reading that text book so you can have a further understanding of it.  In all thy getting get wisdom and understanding!


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 23, 2006)

Gee Whiz, Everyone.  I love each of you so much.  And I mean this with all of my heart...not just words.   I'm so glad I was able to log in today  

Can  say this.  I was so embarrassed to share this about me.  I literally 'fought' making this thread.  I was ashamed of having these issues.  But posting it was pressing at me so strongly.   I can see all the more that this is an issue that has to be dealt with.  As a race, we have to heal.  And it's beginning right here.  

I have replies to the posts, especially about the 'nurturing' which BlkMan shared...that's my biggest 'weakness'...I nurture and love it, it fits me.  

But may I say the following to each of you, first...?  Yes?  

* Pebs...hey sweetie*... you're here keeping me grounded and you never judge me.  My day has to start with prayers for you...you're my angel.   I'm drinking my 'Holy Water'   Pretty wine glass with my grown up drink, Perrier    I love you Pebs...

* BlkManWSS:   Hey....Brother of ours...BlkManWith "LOVE" and WISDOM*"....Thank you for coming in and for just being here.  I respect you so much.   Everything about you is much needed.  I've been reading your posts for a while and it is a GIFT to my heart and soul to sit and nod and smile and 'respect' you, a Black man yes, *but* a Real man...more...a man of God.   You, this man, my brother in unity, in Christ, in my heart.  

May I say that I love you too?  I love you, precious brother. Please don't ever leave us.  I'd miss you ...  You're in my prayers too. 

 *Cocoberry*:  Thank you for everything, I love you my sister. 

 *Crlsweetie...*you're my girl  and I love you much. 

 Kbragg, CaramelMiss..... I love you too.  
------------
On a light note...

Shmmmie has homemade sweet potato pies in the oven...rolls in the pan and yummie greens *without* 'fatback'...   I use turkey bacon and white wine.  

I'm sharing this along with my heart with each of you....with a crystal glass of Perrier.  

*Funny Note:*  I'll have to give you all 'shimmie' lessons to eliminate the calories from today.   

Happy Thanksgiving Sweet Ones.... 

{{{Loving Hugs }}}


----------



## pebbles (Nov 23, 2006)

Happy Thanksgiving, Shimmie!! We love you, too!   
Since I plan on eating myself into a coma today, I can sure use the shimmie lessons for eliminating the calories later on! LOL!


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 23, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> Happy Thanksgiving, Shimmie!! We love you, too!
> 
> *Since I plan on eating myself into a coma today,* I can sure use the shimmie lessons for eliminating the calories later on! LOL!


 
 Girl, you have me rolling on the floor laughing...''Coma"....  

I love you so much...God has given me such a wonderful gift in you and so much to be thankful for.

As for the shimmie lessons, I have multiple variations   So, there's one for everyone's individual level.   Hey Pebs, another confession.   I really believe God blessed me in Belly Dance, because it doesn't require having 6 pack abs.... I can eat all I want and keep my 4 pk tummie ... 

My Raw Diet from the Health/Fitness forum is out the window today...I mean out.  I'm having my carbs today, big time.  The weight I've lost this summer will allow me this one day of carb Coma...'

Hugs, hugs and more...


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 24, 2006)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> Shimmie,
> There is a uniqueness in our culture and that is one major reason why many blk men and women resist the constant suggestions to go to other races. The attraction between us could almost be described as 'religious'. I mean no disrespect. I'm just saying that the unity is deeply spiritual, soulful and rejuvenating. The level of loyalty is unparalleled. When done correctly, there is no force on earth greater, stronger or deeper defined. However with such power of greatness there is also the possibility that some will abuse and manipulate, not realizing that in doing so they are creating a hurt so massive that it could leave many emotionally devoid for a very long time.
> 
> When I date, I'm aware of this influence and I know occasionally I will encounter some women who's belief in blk men falters so low that they socialize with us merely to entertain the part of their consciousness that challenges them to say they 'tried' . She doesn't expect much from the date. In fact, if there are any expectations, it's that she will expect me to fail, be deceitful and just when I've gained her trust, abandon her.
> ...


I'm still reading through this and I have more comments (agreements, comparisons, and appreciations).

However, I want to share this.  Last night I learned something new.  

The meaning of "Ride or Die".   

Ride or Die is how you have expressed your feelings about our race; but not as a race so much as it is about a 'people'... a rich heritage...a life that no other culture has been able to capture. 

There is a fight against us as well as within us.  And what it comes down to is this...we choose to 'Ride or Die'.  Who we are makes it worth it.  

Life gives back what (to whom) we give life to...

In African dance, we always cherished the earth from which we came...the Black richness of the earth, from which God formed Adam ....

"Ride or Die"

Thanks BlkMan,  I'm learning more of what I've always known...


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 24, 2006)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> Kbragg,
> If I were to put what you said in context then basically you're saying that as a blk woman you see yourself no differently than any woman regardless of race.  If color was the only thing that made a black woman different from other women then I would agree with you but there is NOTHING like a blk woman. Her demeanor, resilience and composure is beyond compare. IMO she is special and well worth the wait. I'm glad that you've found happiness with someone of another race. However, there is much more to be desired in black relationships than mere skin color.
> 
> Shimmie,
> ...



Thanks for this post!


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 24, 2006)

cocoberry10 said:
			
		

> Thanks for this post!


 
Hi Coco,  Hope your holiday was blessed.  I was able to login yesterday, afterall.  Or should I say, feed my LHCF addiction?   

You are so right about his post.  BlkManWSS has made a tremdous impact on this subject coming not only from a man's perspective, but one which faces reality.   

I'm still reading through it and noting how much he is flowing with the Holy Spirit.  Just what we needed to 'hear'.


----------



## kweenameena (Nov 24, 2006)

Wow, this thread was soooo enlightening for me. I was actually tearing up reading this. It just reminded me of how far God has brought me in my marriage. And how I can really see the changes when this time last year I just knew there was no way there could be a light at the end of our grimey sewer hole! Learning to trust is sooooo hard for me. I'm making progress but only in baby steps. I've learned that I can't trust my husband to be anything but human and that God is the ONLY one I can trust to allows do me right. Heck, I can't even trust myself sometimes. (I almost ate a whole pineapple-upside down cake yesterday).
But I'm learning to give my husband a chance. By me not trusting him from the beginning, I wasn't really giving God a chance. 


Shimmie, I don't know if you know it but you are such an inspiration and uplifter for a lot of young women here. I sometimes just look for posts you've written in because I love how positive you are. I'm grateful to be able to read them. Its truly a privilege!

I'm getting tooo emotional. This thread is bringing up so many feelings. ​


----------



## YasmanSoBe (Nov 24, 2006)

kweenameena said:
			
		

> Shimmie, I don't know if you know it but you are such an inspiration and uplifter for a lot of young women here. I sometimes just look for posts you've written in because I love how positive you are. I'm grateful to be able to read them. Its truly a privilege!
> 
> ​



​ITA! I really enjoy her posts.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 24, 2006)

kweenameena said:
			
		

> Wow, this thread was soooo enlightening for me. I was actually tearing up reading this. It just reminded me of how far God has brought me in my marriage. And how I can really see the changes when this time last year I just knew there was no way there could be a light at the end of our grimey sewer hole! Learning to trust is sooooo hard for me. I'm making progress but only in baby steps. I've learned that I can't trust my husband to be anything but human and that God is the ONLY one I can trust to allows do me right. Heck, I can't even trust myself sometimes. (I almost ate a whole pineapple-upside down cake yesterday).
> But I'm learning to give my husband a chance. By me not trusting him from the beginning, I wasn't really giving God a chance.
> 
> 
> ...


​Kweenameena, thank you so much for being here. I wish you and your husband, longevity of loving years of love and ... trust of each other...in God, forever.   

What you say of me is more than kind.  Only God can take glory for any good I do.   As you cry, so do I, for this thread has been a spirit full for me.  I was is such a struggle to begin this thread.  I wasn't going to do so because I was so ashamed of my feelings.   

But I can see how God is really moving and doing a great amount of healing here...begining with me.  I pray for all to be blessed healed from all hurts, both male and female.   

Last night, I learned from "RelaxerRehab' about "Ride or Die" (from her Kramer/Seinfeld thread - OT forum) .  She shared Corretta Scott King as a beautiful example, who chose to "Ride or Die" with her husband, Martin in spite of all of the sturggle it entailed.  It's a beautiful message in "Rehab's" thread in the link below.  

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=107357

Pebbles shared that you begin to trust, One person at a time. 

BlkManWSS, shared that we have such a powerful connection as Black men and women, that it's almost 'religious'.   



			
				BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> Shimmie,
> 
> There is a uniqueness in our culture and that is one major reason why many blk men and women resist the constant suggestions to go to other races. The attraction between us could almost be described as 'religious'.
> 
> I mean no disrespect. I'm just saying that the unity is deeply spiritual, soulful and rejuvenating. The level of loyalty is unparalleled. When done correctly, there is no force on earth greater, stronger or deeper defined".


 
Awesome revelation...not even T.D. Jakes can touch this man's annointing.

I used to pose the following when I ministered 'patience and trust.' 

"How do you eat an elephant?'    The answer:  _ One bite at a time._ 

I love to love and I do not wish to lose the beauty and the richness of it.  It's now "Ride or Die" - trusting each other...loving 'our' men, one at a time. 

Praise God...from whom all blessings flow.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 24, 2006)

YasmanSoBe said:
			
		

> ITA! I really enjoy her posts.


 
Gee whiz, thank you.  Each of you have made 'exposing' my heart worth the all the shame that I felt regarding this issue of 'trust.'   All the more joy of being Black and 'one' with each other. 

God bless you, YasmanSoBe... 

Loving hugs to each of you...


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 24, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Hi Coco,  Hope your holiday was blessed.  I was able to login yesterday, afterall.  Or should I say, feed my LHCF addiction?
> 
> You are so right about his post.  BlkManWSS has made a tremdous impact on this subject coming not only from a man's perspective, but one which faces reality.
> 
> I'm still reading through it and noting how much he is flowing with the Holy Spirit.  Just what we needed to 'hear'.



Thank you Shimmie!  Your posts are always honest and heartwarming.  Thank you for bringing an important issue to light.  A lot of Black women feel this way, and you speaking the truth, whether it's hard to say or not, allows God to work in our lives.  The devil can bring us down best, when we won't admit to how we think, especially when that thinking causes negativity or hard feelings.  Be blessed.


----------



## Poohbear (Nov 24, 2006)

Shimmie,

Here's a reminder of what love truly is:

1 Corinthians 13

The Way of Love

 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 

2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 

3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 

5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 

6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 

10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 

11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 

12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

~~~~~

I think you can love a man and not trust him.  Trust is an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone... it's dependence on something future or contingent. So trust deals with faith, hope, and/or confidence in someone. 

I'm sure you may have a few friends or even family members who you do not completely trust, but that doesn't give us a right not to love them. Jesus commanded us all to love everyone as your neighbor and to love even your enemies, and see, I'm sure you don't trust your enemies, but you still have to love them.

Hope that helps! God bless!


----------



## UmSumayyah (Nov 24, 2006)

I don't see that it's prudent to trust ANY man you don't know well. (or any person, period).  Trust people that have proven themselves worthy of trust, or that at least give some indications that they may be trustworthy.

Now being automatically suspicious is another issue.


----------



## pebbles (Nov 24, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Girl, you have me rolling on the floor laughing...''Coma"....
> 
> I love you so much...God has given me such a wonderful gift in you and so much to be thankful for.
> 
> ...


 
LOL!!  I have to check out your Raw Diet. I ate a lot yesterday, and though I didn't go into a coma, I came darned near close!


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 24, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> LOL!!  I have to check out your Raw Diet. I ate a lot yesterday, and though I didn't go into a coma, I came darned near close!


I'm so glad you didn't.  Close is close enough  

The Raw Diet works though, because I couldn't eat much at all.  The Raw Diet 'shrinks' the tummie's capacity.  I even skipped dessert.   I was too tired to really eat anyway.  Resting now...though  

I'm loving this thread.   I can't believe the impact of "Ride or Die"...(noted in my post above).  But God wants to do something with that.  

I shared with RelaxerRehab, that we know 'Someone' who lived this for us over 2000 years ago...  With Jesus, we were worth the *Ride* and He completed the journey for our Salvation when He *Died.* 

Who wouldn't love Jesus?  Hmmmmm, don't answer that one....yet.   

All Praises to Him for this thread coming up...cause I sure wasn't 'wiling' but I had to be obedient.   And God's Amen sealed it all. He made something beautiful come of this.  Love...


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 24, 2006)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> Shimmie,
> 
> Here's a reminder of what love truly is:
> 
> ...


 
Poohbear, thank you.  And yes, this helps more than you know.  I highlighted the parts which have pierced my heart.  You are truly flowing with the Lord by sharing this from God's word...He gave this to me before I started this thread.  He's using you to 'seal' it.  

You are among those here that I look up to.  So you can imagine how nice it was to 'see' your post.  

ETA:   Your hair is beautiful!   But more so, your heart.  

Loving hugs to you, too.


----------



## kbragg (Nov 25, 2006)

Replying to BMWSS: Jesus loves me just as much as a white woman. He died for us BOTH. And we are supposed to have the mind of Christ. Jesus saves all and loves all regardless of their skin color, regardless of their sin, regardless of what their parents before them did. We are supposed to think and seek to be more like him. If we don't, if we think of ANY race as "better" than the other we have committed the sin of idolatry by exalting our ideals above God's truth. That goes both ways.

_(I had posted this in another thread but thought it fit here too)_

PS: I hope God sends ALL YA'LL white spouses just to break that stronghold!The "religious" connection is nothing more than a root of pride seated in a superiority ideal which is NOT of God. Any time you set up something in your mind that does not line up with the TRUTH it's called idolatry. You've created a "race God" in your own mind (see 1st Commandment)...(ducking from the flying tomatoes) 

Please don't think I'm being mean, but I see this stronghold especially in our people. We believe somehow we're "better" just because of our race. The Truth is, ALL diversity is beautiful. The blonde haired blue eyed blonde is beautiful. The sexy sistah with the afro is beautiful. The Chinese woman with the JET BLACK hair is beautiful, and Christ died for them all so who are we to think we're better?


.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 25, 2006)

Kbragg, thanks for coming back. I need to share something in defense of both you and BlkManWSS.  However, I have to lean more with BlkMan because I'm seeing in his comments that which is giving life and a rich awakening to an endangered species...us. 

How long has the White race believed themselves better over all races, not just ours? 

God is speaking to us through this man's heart. "Kbragg" you are speaking from your personal experience. Who has the greater weight? 

*Whoever is reading, pull up a good seat and have your favorite snack and beverage at hand....Shimmie... is on a roll.* 

First, being Black is something that we will always be. Although my skin may pale out in the winter and brown in the summer, I am Black. The 'mix' in my family's bloodline, may depict other features in me (fine hair texture, the red or copper undertones of my skin), but I'm still Black. That being said, I want to always be proud of who I am and never lose sight nor the pride of it.

There are many white people in my life who adore me. They respect me; yes indeed I am loved beyond their physical embrace. Yet there is something that none of them can give me...and that is knowing what it is to be Black. They cannot 'share' this rich heritage with me; nor the pains of prejudice, and they will *never* be able to make up for it or be able to preserve Black pride.

Understand me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is Blending and Mending the races. Trust me, I know this. I've living proof of it personally, as are several of my closest friends and family members. 

When we are together, there is no difference. My cousin's fiancee' is Iranian (full blooded) and he has literally made himself at home in our lives and especially in our all Black family church. One of our closest friends recently married, her husband is 100% Asian. 

And with all of the beauty of this, YES the beauty of it, and the love that God wants us to have for one another, God still wants the mending of the Black race and He always will.

Why is this? Because we as Blacks have been spiritually raped, cursed with hating ourselves far too long. And if we do not change it, if we do not mend it, we will die as a people. And no one can deny that we as a race have been slowly dying for centuries. Killing ourselves over drugs, poverty, envy, strife, contention, but worst of all, hatred of who we are.

And this is where I MUST and I HAVE to and I DO applaude what BlKManWithSomeSense has to say. This man *does* have sense, the purest form of it, but even more, the heart and wisdom of God. 

Kbragg, I was 'losing' it. I was losing who I am and the pride of myself as a Black woman. I was lost in stream of a White world and seeing only their good and forgetting that this same good does truly exist in our culture, but especially our Black men whom I had lost great faith and trust in. 

There have been Black men in pivotal points of my life where they failed my faith in them...my trust.  The White world 'appeared' better and I was dangerously being sucked in to this lie. 

My dad used to say this, "Association brings on Assimilation" and beyond my hair texture and pale winter skin, I was becoming more and more like them. 

Why so? This didn't come from my parents nor any of my family members. As BlkMan shared, the generations before us, set the prime example of bonding with one another for we dealt with issues that gave us 'just cause' and it sealed a bond within us that kept us as one. We fought, bled and died *for* each other.

Yet today, we fight, bleed and die BECAUSE we hate each other. Why is that? Indeed, it's the devil's objective but not his plan so strong that we cannot take it in hand and destroy it. And that destruction is that of love and pride of ourselves and who we are. 

BlkMan's statement of our race as a religion is not one to be ignored. It's not only the truth, but it's the saving element, the one thread of hope, that is saving us from falling out of existance. 

Yes, there will be Black faces and bodies that will continue to walk upon this earth, but within these bodies will be lost souls; a people who are no longer a people who have roots of themselves to cherish. Our generations will know nothing of whom they can be proud of, for you see, the enemy wants to take even that away. And it's happening via slow fade mode... 

There's another saying, "If you don't know where you came from, you will never know where you are going." 

Granted, my origin is from my father's seed, planted in my mother's womb and I was given birth in the heart of Harlem, NY (Yeah Harlem   ), however this still orginated from God's heart...his creation and my desired Destiny is Heaven bound, for the hell on this here earth is more than enough to deter me from the eternal hell that awaits those who chose otherwise. 

My point is this. We cannot lose site of who we are and lose the history *nor the love* of our origin as a Black race. Knowing that I'm Black creates in me a fight to become the best I can so that my children after me will never lose sight of the wonderful design they were created from, which will create in them the desire to live up to call of greatness that we *'all'* are. 

As Black women we have been beat down by our Black men far too long. At one time, it was by deserting us financially, then by marrying white women sharing with them our Black success. 

Hell, (yes I said it) we Black women, put our Black men in their success. Did we not give them birth? That along speaks volumes of where loyalty belongs. Then we lost our men to drug lords, pushers, pimps and ushers to gangs and prostitution, negative stereotypes in the movies and music. Anyway to catch a dollar. Well hell...now Black men are going to other men. Yes the devil is the culprit, but they don't have to yield. 

And *yesssss*...Shimmie said hell and I mean it utterly and intentionally, for hell is what this mess is. Our men are literally going to hell deserting us all the more. And out of all of the 'hell', is there anything good left in Black men? Is there anyone committed to our presevation? 

*Yessss! Finally!* Bless God, it stands out in this brother's post. Read his other posts, he's consistant with his views, his stance on life, his committment to us and to himself and his family. He's not using a play on words. He means it. It's coming from his heart and from the heart of God our Father in Heaven. 

_Re-read his post above..._Read it beyond the White lines of blindness. I have and it's literally shaking the lies of hell out of me regarding my negative views on Black men. God is using this man to deliver me and many others who have lost hope that a Black man existed who could be trusted.  

I am not placing him above God nor even close upon a pedestal. That's would be futile to God's intention and to him. 

Yet I am open to recognize, that BlkManWSS has determined in his heart not to fall into the stereotype of entrapment of selling us out. When he sees a brother beating down on a sister, he'll be the first to jump in slap some sense into him. He's what we need to keep us alive and well. And there are more men to follow with this same heart. More of him are out there. 

Do you think it's easy for him to be like he is and not be discouraged at what he sees hurting our people? Kbragg, go back and re-read his entire post. You will not lose your White husband by agreeing to the truth of who we are as a Black people who do have these unique qualities about us that no other race can touch nor have they experienced. 

The White men who love us cannot begin to cherish us with love that comes from struggle...Black struggle. As Blacks we will always have that one common bond that is a religion all in itsself. But it's not a religion that's created by the flimsey wind and doctrines of men. 

It's one of a Spirit that can never die. God gave it immunity to death. Our bond as a people has been given a life, designed by God, all of its own. For without it, none of us could have ever survived the horrendous tortures that satan devised to destroy us. 

From the torturous hangings of 'strange fruit' upon Southern trees, we hung. We were burned in front of our children. Men who were right fathers and husbands, were pulled from their homes and beds, and killed just because they refused to bow down to a white judgment who wanted to rule us inhuman. 

Yes, we are a religion and I give God honor for it is a religion that God worhips...not us. But in cherishing ourselves, we honor and worship God. 

"Lady K" , listen to me. As women we naturally 'yield' to the men we love....yes...we do. And we do this without resistance; yes even when we are challenged with a disagreement, we as women softly yield to the men we love. It's as softly and as graceful as a dance ... in the soft graces that a dancer follows beautiful music, likewise to them we softly yield. 

For, God said to Eve..."... your desire will be to your husband." (Gen 3). 

And "K", it's a beautiful thing to do...to yield for it fits us as women. 

"K", it becomes assimilation, in marrige it becomes one. The love you feel with your white husband is beautiful and it will remain such. But listen to me...'do not lose who you are in the beauty of your origin...Black. 

Angel, I know what I speak of... _for I've been dancing._ 

Thank God for a man unafraid to love us, be he White or Black. But I thank God even more for this man of ours...BlkManWithSomeSense, who has taken the sandpaper damage that has abraised who we are, and has instead, silkened our beauty and our heritage, eternally. 

"Lady K"  A new dance is evolving... a new rhythm and rhyme. It's called, yielding to presevation of a Rich wonder of life...us. Trusting and loving who we are forever. [/COLOR]


----------



## kbragg (Nov 25, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Kbragg, go back and re-read his entire post. *You will not lose your White husband by agreeing to the truth of who we are as a Black people* who do have these unique qualities about us that no other race can touch nor have they experienced.
> 
> *The White men who love us cannot begin to cherish us with love that comes from struggle*...Black struggle. *(Excuse me but my husband has the mind of Christ and loves me with te unconditional love of God so IMO that's a wee bit more than struggle.) *As Blacks we will always have that one common bond that is a religion all in itsself.(Interestingly enough the definition of "religion" in "return to bondage....) But it's not a religion that's created by the flimsey wind and doctrines of men.
> 
> ...


 
Ummmm...ok....I'm not going to make assumptions about what you're saying, but if your implying that I am some how a "sell out" or "less black" or "losing myself" because my husband is white, well, I'll pray for you. Gods love transends race, gender, or ethic origin, period. To think otherwise is iodlatry. PRIDE is one thing God HATEs. Read Proverbs and see what I mean. Praying for you and praying for all who hide racism behind the guise of racial pride. God Bless.erplexed 


.


----------



## pebbles (Nov 25, 2006)

kbragg said:
			
		

> Ummmm...ok....I'm not going to make assumptions about what you're saying, *but if your implying that I am some how a "sell out" or "less black" or "losing myself" because my husband is white, well, I'll pray for you.* Gods love transends race, gender, or ethic origin, period. To think otherwise is iodlatry. PRIDE is one thing God HATEs. Read Proverbs and see what I mean. *Praying for you and praying for all who hide racism behind the guise of racial pride.* God Bless.erplexed
> 
> .


 
No, no, no. That is NOT what she was trying to say at all.  You said you wouldn't make assumptions, but that's what you did. You didn't receive the post in the spirit in which it was given. For the record, Shimmie's sweetheart and soon to be hubby is a white man. No hidden racism here.


----------



## BlkManWithSomeSense (Nov 25, 2006)

kbragg said:
			
		

> Replying to BMWSS: Jesus loves me just as much as a white woman. He died for us BOTH. And we are supposed to have the mind of Christ. Jesus saves all and loves all regardless of their skin color, regardless of their sin, regardless of what their parents before them did. We are supposed to think and seek to be more like him. If we don't, if we think of ANY race as "better" than the other we have committed the sin of idolatry by exalting our ideals above God's truth. That goes both ways.
> 
> _(I had posted this in another thread but thought it fit here too)_
> 
> ...


 
I dont believe that one race is greater than another. What I believe in is the right to have preferences. Choosing to date one race exclusively goes beyond the superficiality of mere skin color. It's not about superiority. I choose blk women exclusively because I feel her characteristics are so unique that no other race willl do for me. I've dated outside and it wasnt my cup of tea. I realized I needed someone who could associate deeply to me. If we were discussing Jews, Italians or the chinese, I dont think there would be much reisistance to what I'm saying. Every culture has their own individuality and african americans are no diffrerent. I have no issue with any sista who dates outside her race, thats her choice to do so. However generalities only go so far and yes men are men to a degree but there are cultural and philosophical differences between the races among men.

Okay real talk, IMO, Shimmie was speaking about deep seeded issues she held in for so long and that she excluded blk men from contention as possible mates. So basically she was already DATING outside her race but just wasnt giving BLK MEN any time of the day. The religious connection is more than just pride. It's about having a connection with someone who not only understands but also relates. 

I carry a mind of Christ but I also deal with certain existing realities and I invoke my right to choose. Yes jesus isn't worried about skin color and he just wants us to find equally yoked mates. However, I still live in a world that occasionally excludes me because of the color of my skin and I need someone who understands this long standing alienation up close and personal. My personal preferences are based on my own reality.

I wont say anymore on the topic because I'm sure this thread is going to be closed soon. It's going away from the original intention of the OP.


----------



## kbragg (Nov 26, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> No, no, no. That is NOT what she was trying to say at all.  You said you wouldn't make assumptions, but that's what you did. You didn't receive the post in the spirit in which it was given. For the record, Shimmie's sweetheart and soon to be hubby is a white man. No hidden racism here.


 
Sorry Shimmie! Please forgive me momentary rant! I had 5 surgical extrations on Monday and am still swollen...must be the meds! I jumped tp conclusions to sonn (Arg! I'm hearing my hubby's oice in my head telling me "you need to think before you speakerplexed)  So sorry! Forgive me? 

.


----------



## kbragg (Nov 26, 2006)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I dont believe that one race is greater than another. What I believe in is the right to have preferences. Choosing to date one race exclusively goes beyond the superficiality of mere skin color. It's not about superiority. I choose blk women exclusively because I feel her characteristics are so unique that no other race willl do for me. I've dated outside and it wasnt my cup of tea. I realized I needed someone who could associate deeply to me. If we were discussing Jews, Italians or the chinese, I dont think there would be much reisistance to what I'm saying. Every culture has their own individuality and african americans are no diffrerent. I have no issue with any sista who dates outside her race, thats her choice to do so. However generalities only go so far and yes men are men to a degree but there are cultural and philosophical differences between the races among men.
> 
> Okay real talk, IMO, Shimmie was speaking about deep seeded issues she held in for so long and that she excluded blk men from contention as possible mates. So basically she was already DATING outside her race but just wasnt giving BLK MEN any time of the day. The religious connection is more than just pride. It's about having a connection with someone who not only understands but also relates.
> 
> ...


 
Ok, I get what you're saying now...I was trippin' dude, blame the medserplexed . My apology extends to you as well (there's hubby's voice in my head again Hmmmmm, maybe God chose Him for me because he knows what he's talking about....maybe I should listen to him If word ever gets out to my hubby that I said I need to listen to him, I will know it came from this forum! Don't mess wit me, I got friends yo! West Siiiieeede!)


----------



## BlkManWithSomeSense (Nov 26, 2006)

kbragg said:
			
		

> Ok, I get what you're saying now...I was trippin' dude, blame the medserplexed . My apology extends to you as well (there's hubby's voice in my head again Hmmmmm, maybe God chose Him for me because he knows what he's talking about....maybe I should listen to him If word ever gets out to my hubby that I said I need to listen to him, I will know it came from this forum! Don't mess wit me, I got friends yo! West Siiiieeede!)


 
LOL


----------



## pebbles (Nov 26, 2006)

kbragg said:
			
		

> Sorry Shimmie! Please forgive me momentary rant! I had 5 surgical extrations on Monday and am still swollen...must be the meds! I jumped tp conclusions to sonn (Arg! I'm hearing my hubby's oice in my head telling me "you need to think before you speakerplexed) So sorry! Forgive me?
> 
> .


 
Not to worry, Kbragg. No harm done.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 26, 2006)

To each of you...

May I share this and I'll be back later after Service.

Last night I was out the 'the girls'  We are each so close. For years, we've shared so much in our lives, much of our life is in the Arts... we study cultural Dance together so you can imagine how active our lives are.  Yes, we're all Black (30's/40's - I'm 21) and we each have 'rhythm'  My point is, we're Black and we are one...truly knitted together as one.  

But there's one thing that supercedes our love for the Arts. Lying before the Lord in prayer for Him to have His glory in our lives.  Each month we alternate our homes and we gather for fellowship and prayer.  

Last night was powerful, as always the Holy Spirit moved and a word was given that lines up with each of our lives and the word of God.   

Look at ths...

 ONLY the Holy Spirit and I shared this.   Last night I was praying within my heart for peace between us on this forum. But notably and especially in this thread. I didn't want those of you, that I've grown to care so much about to be upset or stressed.  

Each of you play a very special role in my heart and *it wasn't the thread* I cared about, *it was each of you.* 

I didn't get home until after 2:00 a.m. but what I saw when I logged in was that *the Holy Spirit moved in each of you beautifully.* 

Look at the timing.  At 7:00 p.m. (est) we arrived at the house for our opening fellowship (dinner, conversation, sharing the word, prayer needs).  At 10:00 p.m. we began prayer and intercession, the Holy Spirit released us at approx. 1:00 a.m.   The time of the last post in this thread last night was 12:55 a.m.  During the time that you were reading and communicating, each of you were in my heart and prayers.   

The truth is, the Holy Spirit dwells within the hearts of each you so richly.  So how could anyone of you not be yielded anyway.   

*Pebs and BlkMan*, you both are so instrumental to my spiritual growth and what the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me about lately.   

*Know this,* the two of you are being used of God mightily in my life.  

Please *do not* think less of the importance you both are in my life and my heart.   God is bringing me into a new dimension in Him and He's using both of you...I'll share something later about this.   Just know that it is something wonderful. 

I love you Pebs, BlkManWSS, and "Lady K" .   

'BlkMan', you are so faithful.   May I share another word that the Holy Spirit gave me? 

*"The First Law of Nature is Preservation"* 

One of my friends spoke this out and my girls know nothing about this thread or it's contents.  

Yet, this has been one of the underlying issues of this thread, preserving us as a people.   It's a (quote/un-quote) religion that is a law.   Thank you wise-man.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 26, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> No, no, no. That is NOT what she was trying to say at all.  You said you wouldn't make assumptions, but that's what you did. You didn't receive the post in the spirit in which it was given. For the record, Shimmie's sweetheart *and soon to be hubby* is a white man. No hidden racism here.


 Thou must be a Phophetess.... Pebs, I saw these words and thought, " I knew I shouldn't had that extra glass of 'Holy Water' last night.  I've been drinking too much Perrier and 'straight' at that.  

But see, the Lord has been dealing with me regarding this.  What are my motives, here regarding him?  Are they pure?  Look at the word that's been in my heart regarding this. * "Trust Me" ......... "Wait".*

Pebs, I refuse to move without God....and in this I have total peace.   No official commitment has been made between us.  Right now, God has us both at peace; he knows God is dealing with me and he honors it.  

But Pebs, I am *NOT *moving without God.  

God's word in Psalm 46:10 says, Be still and know that I am God. It says further down, 'God is in the midst of her...and she shall not be moved.'

I have so glad to have the Holy Spirit in my heart.  God speaks, Shimmie listens.  

I'm still laughing ....  Pebs, you scared me -- I thought I was married and didn't know it....  3:00 a.m. is *not* the time to see those words...I was too shook up to reply...   My thought was, "..What 'I' miss?"   Those 24 years rolleyes were coming to an end and I wasn't prepared.  

Nuff said.... 

Love you Sweetheart. I'll be back later.  We needs to talk  but now it's time to leave for church...(hugs and blessings)


----------



## pebbles (Nov 26, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Thou must be a Phophetess.... Pebs, I saw these words and thought, " I knew I shouldn't had that extra glass of 'Holy Water' last night. I've been drinking too much Perrier and 'straight' at that.
> 
> But see, the Lord has been dealing with me regarding this. What are my motives, here regarding him? Are they pure? Look at the word that's been in my heart regarding this. *"Trust Me" ......... "Wait".*
> 
> ...


 
Well, we are told to prophesy! LOL!!  Sorry, sweetie! Didn't mean to jump the gun on that one! 

Seriously, I find myself in the same situation, as you know. I won't move without God. I've suffered greatly in this area because I didn't wait on the Lord. I won't be making that mistake again.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 26, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> Well, we are told to prophesy! LOL!!  Sorry, sweetie! Didn't mean to jump the gun on that one!
> 
> Seriously, I find myself in the same situation, as you know. I won't move without God. I've suffered greatly in this area because I didn't wait on the Lord. I won't be making that mistake again.


Hey Darlin' 

I ain't mad about the gun jump; it was the click, click of the gun barrell and then boom! that scared me.   

Pebs, you how 'high' we are coming out of prayer?  Okay, it's about 2:30 - 3:00 a.m. when I saw this in your post.   Pebs, I thought the man was here and that I'd forgotten about him. I thought I had married him and nobody told me.  

I was looking around the room thinking I'd 'missed' something.  But he was still home in Florida.  I was a little 'shook' there for a minute, though.   I heard a sound and all I could think was... "Lawd...it dat you....is dat you Lawd up in here?"  

I'm just kidding...having fun; for the joy of the Lord is our strength.  

Last night, the word came forth during prayer that God was re-arranging the way I've been spending my time...change is paramount.   

Pebs, I love Jesus so much...so, so much.  I'm in such a good place with the Lord right now.  I'm not afraid to trust God with my life.  In all that I do, Jesus must be at the 'helm'.   I refuse to live without Him as the center of my life's decisions.   

*Pebs, just think about this:* 

For the Holy Spirit of God to love me enough to embrace me and say, *"Trust Me........Wait"*,  Pebs....Gee Whiz, that is powerful.   How can I not love Him back and lovingly yield to Him saying, "Yes, Lord...I hear you and trust you I will."   It's all about Jesus.  I do mean, all.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 26, 2006)

kbragg said:
			
		

> Sorry Shimmie! Please forgive me momentary rant! I had 5 surgical extrations on Monday and am still swollen...must be the meds! I jumped tp conclusions to sonn (Arg! I'm hearing my hubby's oice in my head telling me "you need to think before you speakerplexed) So sorry! Forgive me?
> 
> .


 
"Lady K"  ....... Come here, angel.  Embracing you as my sister, "Forgive me."  For in my attempt 'fix' a misunderstanding, I made you feel badly and it was not my intention.  The things I've been sharing in my posts is how the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me.  

God chastises those whom He loves...it's obvious that God really loves me for He is not letting up on me with this issue.  

"K", no matter what, I will always support you and your husband. You have my promise.  I cherish the gift of marriage for it is also my call into the ministry...keeping wives encouraged.  

I prayed for you, BlkMan and Pebbles last night. I carried each of you in my heart to our prayer session.   I didn't care about the thread...I just cared about each of your feelings.  That's what matters above all of this...your feelings.   What you shared about your family in your other thread, made me very sad.  God dealt with me about this after I logged off.  You should have their support, but know this, you have ours.  

Lady K, from this moment on, every curse that has been spoken over you, your children, your husband and your marriage, is hereby rendered null and void and utterly destroyed.   

Only the blessings of the Lord shall prevail over you from this day forward and it availethed much.  The blessings of the Lord are upon each of you richly and He adds no sorrow to it.    In Jesus' name, Amen and Amen.


----------



## MuseofTroy (Nov 26, 2006)

The fact that you have great male role models in your family is fantastic and a blessing because there are a lot of women who don't even have the basic foundation of how a man should treat a woman. Believe it or not you and a lot of other women need to start making better CHOICES in the mates we pick. People are so afraid of being single that they rush to the first thing that gives us attention. Being single is probably one of the best times for a Christian woman because she can develop a closer relationship with God and find out who she is as a person. I think many Christian women need to pray for patience and have faith that God will send the one he wants his to be with. In the mean time work within yourself and find out the root of your trust issues.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 26, 2006)

> BlkManWithSomeSense said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 26, 2006)

MuseofTroy said:
			
		

> The fact that you have great male role models in your family is fantastic and a blessing because there are a lot of women who don't even have the basic foundation of how a man should treat a woman. Believe it or not you and a lot of other women need to start making better CHOICES in the mates we pick. People are so afraid of being single that they rush to the first thing that gives us attention. *Being single is probably one of the best times for a Christian woman because she can develop a closer relationship with God and find out who she is as a person. I think many Christian women need to pray for patience and have faith that God will send the one he wants his to be with. In the mean time work within yourself and find out the root of your trust issues*.



I think this is very good advice.  And the bolded part speaks volumes!


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 28, 2006)

I just watched "The Wire" an HBO series On-Demand last night.  It's one of the few shows on tv that I do watch.

I thought this would apply well to this topic.  This season, it followed 4 eighth grade boys in Baltimore who live in a rough neighborhood.  What I love about the show is that it doesn't depict anyone in a slanted light (the cops aren't all "good," the drug dealers aren't "bad") and it really shows the failure of the system and how our kids/men end up where they do.

Although I know not all Black men come from bad neighborhoods or upbringings, watching this show did make me realize that the world really does have it out for our men.  I've also begun seeing from males in my own life, how sometimes no one really shows them love like they should.  Therefore, when they get to be in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, etc. they have no idea how to be in a successful relationship.

I grew up in a 2 parent home, with a successful father, who was very loving to my mother, sisters, and I.  However, a lot of Black men, even those growing up with 2 parents are not seeing good examples of healthy, loving couples.

I can't tell you how many of my black male friends have shared that they witnessed abuse (father beating mother; mother beating father), one parent cheating (seemed to be the father most of the time, although women do cheat), fathers not respecting their wives in public and private, fathers on drugs, alcohol, etc.  It makes it really difficult to love women, when no one taught you how to value them.  Just more food for thought, I'll add more later.


----------



## Zeal (Nov 28, 2006)

What I dun walked up in?  I think I need to go to post 1.

See you in a hour or two.


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 28, 2006)

Zeal said:
			
		

> What I dun walked up in?  I think I need to go to post 1.
> 
> See you in a hour or two.



   

God is DEFINITELY at work in this thread!


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

cocoberry10 said:
			
		

> God is DEFINITELY at work in this thread!


 
Yep   He sure is.  

But there's a riot in this one... "Extreme Shimmie"    

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?p=1793260&posted=1#post1793260

Hey Zeal...love you angel.   Enjoy the post ride...


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 29, 2006)

cocoberry10 said:
			
		

> I just watched "The Wire" an HBO series On-Demand last night. It's one of the few shows on tv that I do watch.
> 
> I thought this would apply well to this topic. This season, it followed 4 eighth grade boys in Baltimore who live in a rough neighborhood. What I love about the show is that it doesn't depict anyone in a slanted light (the cops aren't all "good," the drug dealers aren't "bad") and it really shows the failure of the system and how our kids/men end up where they do.
> 
> ...


 
This is so key....


----------



## cocoberry10 (Nov 29, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> This is so key....



Yeah, it took me a long time to realize this, but I think the lack of strong male role models for Black men makes it so hard for them to be in good relationships.

A lot of Black women get angry when they see Black men with women of other races.  But I realize that a good man is a good man, and they really don't treat those non-Black women better than they treated us, no matter how it seems.

I'll have more later...


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 29, 2006)

cocoberry10 said:
			
		

> Yeah, it took me a long time to realize this, but I think the lack of strong male role models for Black men makes it so hard for them to be in good relationships.
> 
> *A lot of Black women get angry when they see Black men with women of other races.* But I realize that a good man is a good man, and they really don't treat those non-Black women better than they treated us, no matter how it seems.
> 
> I'll have more later...


 
Coco, this is so true.  Sometimes I believe God saved us from further grief.  I look at O.J. Simpson.  While it is so tragic that those two lives were taken and so brutally, it could have been one of us.  And a Black woman that God's purpose would have been aborted.......

_Just a thought...._


----------



## cocoberry10 (Aug 23, 2007)

Bumping up this old thread!


----------



## Enchantmt (Aug 23, 2007)

I havent read this thread, but I will give my initial thoughts. Contrary to popular belief, love isnt, or shouldnt be, blind. If you love blindly (not the same as unconditionally) you lack wisdom. I have two nieces whom I LOVE dearly. Yet you better believe I wont leave them alone in a room with my wallet for two seconds together. Have I forgiven them for things they've done? Yes. But I dont open myself up to let them take advantage of me repeatedly. You can forgive while setting boundaries and protecting yourself.


----------



## temfash (Aug 23, 2007)

Enchantmt said:


> I havent read this thread, but I will give my initial thoughts. Contrary to popular belief, love isnt, or shouldnt be, blind. If you love blindly (not the same as unconditionally) you lack wisdom. I have two nieces whom I LOVE dearly. Yet you better believe I wont leave them alone in a room with my wallet for two seconds together. Have I forgiven them for things they've done? Yes. But I dont open myself up to let them take advantage of me repeatedly. You can forgive while setting boundaries and protecting yourself.



I totally agree with you on this.


----------

