# "First Man" - Is this a Proper Title for a Man Whose Wife is a Pastor?



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

A few weeks ago I attended an evening service where our Pastor was the guest speaker.   The Pastor of the church was female and in the Program her husband was listed as 'First Man."   

For some reason, this just messes with me.   *long sigh*  I dunno.  

It was worded like this....   "Pastor (her name) ............... and First Man (his name) ..............."

Another Church that I was viewing on TV announced the leadership like this:

"Pastor (her name)................. and her husband Associate Pastor (his name) ......................."

Somehow, this wording is not giving the man his proper place in leadership.   Call me old fashioned, but the man should always be titled as the leader and not his wife.    There has to be a better way to present this.   I know that we have many women in leadership but she should never be titled above her husband.  This is not scriptual.   The husband is the head of the wife.   Period.  

So, how would you title this if this were your Church ministry?  

Thanks in advance for your thoughts....


----------



## Nice & Wavy (Mar 27, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> A few weeks ago I attended an evening service where our Pastor was the guest speaker. The Pastor of the church was female and in the Program her husband was listed as 'First Man."
> 
> For some reason, this just messes with me. *long sigh* I dunno.
> 
> ...


 
I agree.  I think they should word it as "Pastors ........!"  Even though her role may be more 'pastoral', in the sense that she may be doing more preaching and counseling, her husband is still her covering and she and her husband are in ministry, together.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:
			
		

> I agree. I think they should word it as "Pastors ........!" Even though her role may be more 'pastoral', in the sense that she may be doing more preaching and counseling, her husband is still her covering and she and her husband are in ministry, together.


I'm so glad you replied.  Gee whiz, I just feel so 'uneasy' about this.  

I don't ever want to see a man 'under' a woman.  I just don't.  It's not right.  He leads at all times.   It's like saying 'she's the boss and he's the toss...tossed to one side while she gets the recognitions.   

I like 'Pastors'........afterall, doesn't he at least pray or give a benediction or have some active responsibility in the Church?  

Thanks for hearing my vent...    As always you understand me... Well you do.   And that ain't easy, not at all.   

Love and blessings to you and stay Nice and Wavy...


----------



## kbragg (Mar 27, 2007)

Wow, that's crazy! My mentor is a Christian business speaker and even she submits to her husband as the head as he is the head, the CEO and leader in the company and she is simply the "mouth pice" but he is the brains and leadership beihnd the whole program. To me that shows respect and reverence for her husband. The thing you posted looks belittling to the husband to me.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

kbragg said:
			
		

> Wow, that's crazy! My mentor is a Christian business speaker and even she submits to her husband as the head as he is the head, the CEO and leader in the company and she is simply the "mouth pice" but he is the brains and leadership beihnd the whole program. To me that shows respect and reverence for her husband. The thing you posted looks belittling to the husband to me.


 
Thanks Lady K...   That's exactly how I felt as soon as I saw the front page of the program.  My heart just 'sank' so to speak.  She should not be looked up to 'above' her husband.   It's just not right. 

Thanks again for your comments.


----------



## senimoni (Mar 27, 2007)

Is the husband a Pastor?


----------



## alexstin (Mar 27, 2007)

I've never heard of "First Man" before. I don't like it. I don't go by "First Lady" though I'm married to a pastor  so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

alexstin said:
			
		

> I've never heard of "First Man" before. I don't like it. I don't go by "First Lady" though I'm married to a pastor so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask.


 
Thanks for responding Pastor Alexstin.   

I'm glad that this is up for discussion, for it does present a 'problem' in my view as honoring our husbands.   I can fully understand a woman being called 'First Lady.'  Afterall, she is the Lady of the House; his life and his heart, body and soul.   No one else is called to this postion, but her.   

It is 'she' who upholds her husband in the ministry no matter what.  It is she whom he can come to at anytime day or night and lay his heart upon hers without judgement nor rejection.  She's the one who intecedes for his every need and bows down to worship God on his behalf during those times when he cannot go any further...for he IS the head and being the head of anything is not an easy task.  The responsibilities are beyond that of any member of any congregation.   

My point is the wife has HER place and the Husband has HIS place.  And "First Ladies' have a call that no one could ever match or succeed. 

Pastor... you are definitely your husband's "ONLY Lady" in every sense of the word... you truly are.   It's NOT an easy call to be a Pastor's wife, but you are indeed called and you have been annointed for all that it calls upon you to do.

*Post Edited:  From 'First Lady to ONLY Lady....*


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

senimoni said:
			
		

> Is the husband a Pastor?


 
 Hi Senimoni:  

This is a very good question.    From all indications, it appears that the 'women' in both cases have the title of Pastor and he does not.   But even so, there has to be a following of the order, acknowledging the man as the head of the woman.   

The way that it has been presented, makes the husband appear as 'under' her leadership which is not good nor correct, in ministry or in the world's system.   Men are leaders; that's God's order and should be the heart of the woman who stands beside him, not in front of him...

I hope I'm making sense.     Thanks Senimoni.


----------



## PaperClip (Mar 27, 2007)

Eh.... pretty much what everybody else said.... Hmmmm.... with regard to acknowledgment about the titles/functions, the title "First Man" does not work for the same reason that "First Lady" doesn't work for me: it implies that there are other ladies (my pastor's wife made it very clear when they first started pastoring that we do not refer to her as "first lady" for that very reason. She started off as "Sister", then she was "Minister" , then she went to "Co-Pastor", and then "Pastor" and now "Dr.".

It would be helpful to know if the man/husband functions in the role of a pastor... so if he does not, then maybe his name should not be included on the documentation at all and then as the pastor gets up and sets the order, she makes it VERY CLEAR who her husband is and acknowledges his covering.

And Dear Shimmie, I'll just say it for ya: the way that that program presented their names like that, it looks "HEN-PECKED" and from where I come from, that's um... well... yeah... ok.... The men take and have the lead. My pastor's wife says it like this (more for the home than the pulpit): he's the head, but I'm in charge.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> Eh.... pretty much what everybody else said.... Hmmmm.... with regard to acknowledgment about the titles/functions, the title "First Man" does not work for the same reason that "First Lady" doesn't work for me: it implies that there are other ladies (my pastor's wife made it very clear when they first started pastoring that we do not refer to her as "first lady" for that very reason. She started off as "Sister", then she was "Minister" , then she went to "Co-Pastor", and then "Pastor" and now "Dr.".
> 
> It would be helpful to know if the man/husband functions in the role of a pastor... so if he does not, then maybe his name should not be included on the documentation at all and then as the pastor gets up and sets the order, she makes it VERY CLEAR who her husband is and acknowledges his covering.
> 
> And Dear Shimmie, I'll just say it for ya: the way that that program presented their names like that, it looks "HEN-PECKED" and from where I come from, that's um... well... yeah... ok.... The men take and have the lead. My pastor's wife says it like this (more for the home than the pulpit): he's the head, but I'm in charge.


Thanks Rehab....  

I'm taking notice regarding the title "First Lady".   I need to change my stance on using that term.   My thought was as it's used in the White House.   The other mentions you made make more sense (Pastor and Dr. - as she's earned her doctorate).  

Hey, if Hilary Clinton wins the election as President, does this make Bill "First Man"....     Sorry, couldn't resist.


----------



## PaperClip (Mar 27, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Thanks Rehab....
> 
> I'm taking notice regarding the title "First Lady". I need to change my stance on using that term. My thought was as it's used in the White House. The other mentions you made make more sense (Pastor and Dr. - as she's earned her doctorate).
> 
> Hey, if Hilary Clinton wins the election as President, does this make Bill "First Man"....    Sorry, couldn't resist.


 
You make an interesting point about the potential origin of the term "first lady", etc. Goodness, our churches are one big (sometimes bad) mix of secular influences.... 

I say just put who the man is: Husband to the Pastor, or Husband of the President, etc. (Shrug)


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> You make an interesting point about the potential origin of the term "first lady", etc. Goodness, our churches are one big (sometimes bad) mix of secular influences....
> 
> I say just put who the man is: Husband to the Pastor, or Husband of the President, etc. (Shrug)


Or in my case, "....She got a man....Yeah!!!  "


----------



## Enchantmt (Mar 27, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Hey, if Hilary Clinton wins the election as President, does this make Bill "First Man"....     Sorry, couldn't resist.



I was actually wondering how he would be referred to also.


----------



## Nice & Wavy (Mar 27, 2007)

I do agree...the term "First lady" is not a great term, even though its not bad in itself.

My husband and I are pastors.  We were both ordained at the same time.  Our gifts are different and we both do some things seperate, however he still is my covering and just because I'm a pastor, doesn't say that I have some type of charge over him....the order has to be clear!

If the husband is not the pastor, but the wife is, I think it would be fair not to include him in the program at all, unless he is a speaking, and then I would include him in the program, but just his name, not a title.

Maybe they just wanted to include him in some small way and someone came up with that bright idea to give him that title.  He probably didn't like that title just as much as we don't like it!

People are taking titles to literally though....Yes, we are to respect the person in their respective titles that God has placed them in, but when we start making up titles and such, there has to be a line drawn, somewhere.

When I hear titles that are like:  _*The very, very reverend, pastor, apostle, bishop of the most holy faith*_...those things just send crawlies up my spine, but it happens all the time.

Well, gotta go for now....love you ladies!


----------



## victorious (Mar 27, 2007)

alexstin said:
			
		

> I've never heard of "First Man" before. I don't like it. I don't go by "First Lady" though I'm married to a pastor  so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask.



Our pastor's wife cringes at that title too. She prefers "Sis."  

---

I've never heard of "First Man" either.  Most of the women pastors I've heard of had a pastor or bishop as their husband. 

"First Man" Smith would be like "Adam" Smith in my way of thinking.


----------



## senimoni (Mar 27, 2007)

I see what you are saying...but I think that she may put herself beneath her husband ...to me that doesn't equate to outsiders doing the same. I don't like the term "first man" just b/c it sounds odd but I don't agree with "bestowing" a title to a man that he hasn't earned...over his wife b/c she is submissive to him.      I hope you follow what I'm saying re: how she views him as opposed to how outsiders/others should view/rank him.


----------



## kbragg (Mar 27, 2007)

I see your point Senimoni, but you gotta admit, "First Man" just sounds sissy-fied! Give the man his signity my goodness!


----------



## BlkHoneyLuv2U (Mar 27, 2007)

Just a quick question, if Hillary Clinton is elected president (heaven forbid) wouldnt that make Bill first man? Would this be demeaning to him in the same way you all feel its demeaning for the pastors husband to be referred to as such. If you feel its demeaning for Bill to be referred to as such okay, if you feel its okay to refer to Bill as first man, WHY is it okay for him and not for the pastors husband. What makes the pastors husband special?


----------



## Browndilocks (Mar 27, 2007)

ladydee36330 said:
			
		

> Just a quick question, if Hillary Clinton is elected president (heaven forbid) wouldnt that make Bill first man? Would this be demeaning to him in the same way you all feel its demeaning for the pastors husband to be referred to as such. If you feel its demeaning for Bill to be referred to as such okay, if you feel its okay to refer to Bill as first man, WHY is it okay for him and not for the pastors husband. What makes the pastors husband special?



I just think it sounds gay - inside or outside of the church.   But then again, I've never liked the "first lady" terminology in any arena - especially in church.  Guess I'm the wrong person to ask...


----------



## senimoni (Mar 27, 2007)

kbragg said:
			
		

> I see your point Senimoni, but you gotta admit, "First Man" just sounds sissy-fied! Give the man his signity my goodness!



We are so [[HERE]] on that part...lol. I didn't want to go there...but since you did...yeah....totally HUD.


----------



## pebbles (Mar 27, 2007)

First man? LOL! I've never heard that before. I don't care for that title either.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 27, 2007)

Angels, you all are too much     Oh Dear !

*Lady K (Bragg) ...* "sissy-fied'  - Girl, you are too much  

*Senimoni...* I do 'see' your point if he has not been ordained as Pastor.  BTW, what does 'HUD" mean?  (I drew a huge blank.  I'm already confused enough with this "First Man" issue, now 'HUD' has been added to my question box... )   Please clue me ...   I'm still learning 'stuff'... .

*Pebbles and Enchantment...* thanks for coming in...'clueless'   just like me.  (Love and Hugs to both of you).

*Browndilocks and ladydee36330...* "Oh No  --- you did not say it sounds 'gay'    too cute, both of you.   But Hillary ran the office when Bill was president...    Uh-huh...   Somebody told me.   

*victorious...* Your reply is what I have been thinking all along.  In the 25 years that I've been 'churched' the husband was either Senior Pastor and Founder, Bishop or Apostle.   That's why "First Man" threw me for such a loop.  It does sound like a demontion to the man. 

*Pastor 'Nice and Wavy'  and Pastor Alexstin...* You make excellent points about the use of titles taken too literally. 

*Relaxer Rehab...* I agree, we have taken on too much of the world in the church...way too much. 

*I'm hoping to hear from our brother BMWSS*.  He will surely give us a credible as well as a thought provoking response, for sure. 

*In the meantime,* for me personally, I feel that while it is honorable and powerful to see us as women on fire and in leadership in ministry, it is still a smoking gun, aimed at 'further' demoting our men in their authority in the Church and in the family where God has called and ordained them to be. 

Men lead and I don't believe that we should fall on the "Deborah' theory as justification.   No matter where God has called and placed, we (proverbial 'we') must allow our men to lead.   

Power is intoxicating... oh yes!  And to women just as much as it is to men.  And it becomes addictive.  Something else, it can also become competitive in marriages and it can even lead to high-mindedness which is a mindset that woman fall easily into....Especially when they feel threatened in a relationship, or neglected by their husbands.  

*I'm not speaking of any one here*...I'm speaking of the Church where women are bypassing their men and leaving them to lose their grip on the helm. God has called them to be *His co-captains*, at the 'Helm' -- not ours.  

For we are beautifully designed to be *their* helpmeet beyond suitable.  It is I woman, who meets his needs as he steers the vessel which carries our lives as one. I am the neck who supports his head.  

Example... (In respect).  I often feel badly for Pastor Randy White, for his wife Paula is a loose cannon.   Granted, she is needed, her fire and all, but all too often she leaves Pastor Randy hanging in the wind.  

On the other hand, I have noticed how Juanita Bynum, 'steps back' and allows her husband, Bishop Thomas Weeks to lead.  She holds her fire and allows him to be the smoking gun.  It's no longer just her, it's both of them as one.   Yet he allows her to flow in her annointing as the Holy Spirit wants to use her.   

They have an awesome book entitled, "Teach Me How to Love You".  I received a message CD with the book and the testimony is one of the best that I've ever heard as to how brought these two and has KEPT them together.   I want only the best for the two of them.  

Their marriage is one that I refuse to allow the enemy to destroy.   My prayer is for each of your marriages as well...full of life eternal.   Yes, for those of you yet single, even more yet, single you will not be for long.  These marriage prayers are for you too...indeed.   

That's my ministry angels....'Marriage'.  It's odd for a ministry gift such as this to be given to a 'single' woman, yet it's a burden and a ministry that God has given me.   And I treasure it...for I treasure the love between man and wife.   Honoring and respecting our men.   To lift them up far above anyone and anything else, putting God first and foremost.   

Husbands are simply 'First' in our hearts and lives and our ONLY Man.  

Wives, as he sleeps...tonight and into the morning, kiss his eyes and love him.  Love him for who and all that he is.  Just love him and let him be the head that God has called him to be.  Just love him.   Man...yes his...but in our hearts, he will always be 'my baby'... 

This is my gift that I extend to each of you...Eternal Marriage Blessings to Wives and Wives-to-be.  With all of my heart...


----------



## Nice & Wavy (Mar 27, 2007)

Thank you, Shimmie.  God Bless you.


----------



## kbragg (Mar 27, 2007)

Browndilocks said:
			
		

> *I just think it sounds gay* - inside or outside of the church.  But then again, I've never liked the "first lady" terminology in any arena - especially in church. Guess I'm the wrong person to ask...


 
   Well since you said it...AMEN! When I hear first man I just get a visual of the man with a flowery apron on and a feather duster, looking like a total punk while his wife lord's over him. Poor, poor man...everybody gonna think he's an undercover 

PS: Thank you Shimmie!


----------



## GodsPromises (Mar 28, 2007)

As for  the title "First Man" I have heard it and it has been used jokely amostest friends when a co-worker/friend's  wife became pastor.  Now the husband isn't a minister at all.  Doesn't have or haven't accepted his call and is very happy in the role that he is in.  How do you address that situation?

As for the title " First Lady".  First Ladies and churches are moving away from that and have started picking up the title " Leading Lady" which I like better because as the Pastor's wife you should be leading the other lady in how they should be.  It is no longer about the dresses and the hats and sitting in the first row but it is more about working for the Lord in the roll that He has placed you in.

I commend you Nice and Wavy and Alexstin for your call as Co-Pastor.  I have just very recently accepted my call to the ministry and have talked to my husband and to our Pastor as my husband is the Assistant Pastor.  When talking to both of them and was asked in what direction is your call I made it a point to point out that I have been called to be an evanlist and to exhort the people of God, not to Pastor.  My husband has that call and I would help him in any way but I am not to be his Co-Pastor.  I know this in my heart.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 28, 2007)

LadyR said:
			
		

> As for the title "First Man" I have heard it and it has been used jokely amostest friends when a co-worker/friend's wife became pastor. Now the husband isn't a minister at all. Doesn't have or haven't accepted his call and is very happy in the role that he is in. How do you address that situation?
> 
> As for the title " First Lady". First Ladies and churches are moving away from that and have started picking up the title " Leading Lady" which I like better because as the Pastor's wife you should be leading the other lady in how they should be. It is no longer about the dresses and the hats and sitting in the first row but it is more about working for the Lord in the roll that He has placed you in.
> 
> I commend you Nice and Wavy and Alexstin for your call as Co-Pastor. I have just very recently accepted my call to the ministry and have talked to my husband and to our Pastor as my husband is the Assistant Pastor. When talking to both of them and was asked in what direction is your call I made it a point to point out that I have been called to be an evanlist and to exhort the people of God, not to Pastor. My husband has that call and I would help him in any way but I am not to be his Co-Pastor. I know this in my heart.


 
I like that "Leading Lady".  As the word tells us that the women should lead the women and the men the men.  

Congratulations on the call that God has endowed upon you.  I cannot think of a more honorable vessel to be God's Handmaiden.   God bless both you and your husband and that the two of you are 'fitly' joined as one and peaceably as God sends you among those you are called to.  The Spirit of the Lord not only rests upon you as one, but deep on the inside of you...your very being.  

No weapon formed against you shall prosper and you shall be hid under the wings of God's protection no matter where you are.   Every need and every provision, has been set in order to meet you upon each Destination. You will have no need, no lack, no ruin.   

For the Spirit of the Lord has prepared a table for you in the presence of your enemies and you shall walk in the midst of them and their weapons shall dis-arm; become as non effect and you shall lie in perfect peace, knowing that wherever you are, your God, the All Mighty God is always there with you.  

In Jesus' name, Amen and Amen.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 28, 2007)

kbragg said:
			
		

> Well since you said it...AMEN!
> 
> *When I hear first man I just get a visual of the man with a flowery apron on and a feather duster, looking like a total punk while his wife lord's over him. Poor, poor man...everybody gonna think he's an undercover*
> 
> PS: Thank you Shimmie!


 
Lady K... behave yourself...    

I wonder what he's cooking for dinner tonight...I'm hungry.


----------



## GodsPromises (Mar 28, 2007)

Thanks Shimmie   God is so good


----------



## PaperClip (Mar 28, 2007)

Just wanted to chime in here briefly.... Interesting points re. the terms "first lady" and "leading lady".... But why is the church so reluctant to call people by their FUNCTION? A pastor's wife who is not a pastor is STILL FUNCTIONING in so many areas. I think the "lady" term does a disservice to these women who are in these unique positions as the wife of a pastor of a church. Ministry ain't no joke!  Leading and loving God's people is more than a notion.... 

If nothing else, the pastor's wife is first and foremost a "sister"... and/or as she matures, then she might become "Mother So and So".... Or if nothing else, BE CREATIVE! Before our pastor's wife began to advance in her functions, she was affectionately known as "Lady (first initial of her last name), like "Lady T".  

I just think in the 21st century, we (the body of Christ) should own and be inclusive and proud to embrase the diversity of giftings and roles, regardless of gender. It would be nice for our (male) leaders to be secure in their God-given position as the leaders and to allow the women to fully flow in their God-given functions, in proper order of course.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 28, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> Just wanted to chime in here briefly.... Interesting points re. the terms "first lady" and "leading lady".... But why is the church so reluctant to call people by their FUNCTION? A pastor's wife who is not a pastor is STILL FUNCTIONING in so many areas. I think the "lady" term does a disservice to these women who are in these unique positions as the wife of a pastor of a church. Ministry ain't no joke!  Leading and loving God's people is more than a notion....
> 
> If nothing else, the pastor's wife is first and foremost a "sister"... and/or as she matures, then she might become "Mother So and So".... Or if nothing else, BE CREATIVE! Before our pastor's wife began to advance in her functions, she was affectionately known as "Lady (first initial of her last name), like "Lady T".
> 
> I just think in the 21st century, we (the body of Christ) should own and be inclusive and proud to embrase the diversity of giftings and roles, regardless of gender. It would be nice for our (male) leaders to be secure in their God-given position as the leaders and to allow the women to fully flow in their God-given functions, in proper order of course.


 
"Lady RR" ... I like that     I wouldn't dare say, Lady Relaxer... 
((( hugs )))  I'm being silly.  And having so much fun with this thread.   

I do like Lady Precious, because you are just that, 'Precious' and I have God's word to prove it.  (Isaiah 43:1-4)

Also, you do make so much sense about being creative and 'owning' and embracing our diverse gifts and roles in the Body of Christ.   

BTW: Hmmmm, :scratchch:  "Lady Shimmie" ---- Ahhhh, no  I'd be banned from the Church.


----------



## Shimmie (Mar 28, 2007)

LadyR said:
			
		

> Thanks Shimmie  God is so good


 
Yes He is....All the time...


----------



## StrawberryQueen (Mar 28, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> Just wanted to chime in here briefly.... Interesting points re. the terms "first lady" and "leading lady".... But why is the church so reluctant to call people by their FUNCTION? A pastor's wife who is not a pastor is STILL FUNCTIONING in so many areas. I think the "lady" term does a disservice to these women who are in these unique positions as the wife of a pastor of a church. Ministry ain't no joke!  Leading and loving God's people is more than a notion....
> 
> If nothing else, the pastor's wife is first and foremost a "sister"... and/or as she matures, then she might become "Mother So and So".... Or if nothing else, BE CREATIVE! Before our pastor's wife began to advance in her functions, she was affectionately known as "Lady (first initial of her last name), like "Lady T".
> 
> *I just think in the 21st century, we (the body of Christ) should own and be inclusive and proud to embrase the diversity of giftings and roles, regardless of gender. It would be nice for our (male) leaders to be secure in their God-given position as the leaders and to allow the women to fully flow in their God-given functions, in proper order of course.*


I* really* appreciate you saying this.


----------



## Sweet C (Apr 5, 2007)

I have only been at two churches where the wife is the Head Pastor, and her husband is not.  With one, she is Apostle and he is Minister, and the other she is Pastor, and he is Elder.  In both of these congregations, these men could clearly hold their own, especially in the first church, where both of them flowed together so awesome in ministry, it was hard to tell the two apart, b/c both were great ministers of the gospels.  I have never been to a church where you have a husband and wife, and the wife is Pastor, but the husband isn't in leadership in any way at all.


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 5, 2007)

Sweet C said:
			
		

> I have only been at two churches where the wife is the Head Pastor, and her husband is not. With one, she is Apostle and he is Minister, and the other she is Pastor, and he is Elder. In both of these congregations, these men could clearly hold their own, especially in the first church, where both of them flowed together so awesome in ministry, it was hard to tell the two apart, b/c both were great ministers of the gospels. I have never been to a church where you have a husband and wife, and the wife is Pastor, but the husband isn't in leadership in any way at all.


 
Sweet C, thank you.  For you have shared the order, that the husband belongs in leadership.


----------



## PaperClip (Apr 5, 2007)

http://www.crosswalk.com/pastors/11536161/

Article from www.crosswalk.com related to the topic....

*Encouraging Words for Pastors' Wives*

*Lois Evans*






When I became a pastor's wife, I didn't know where to turn for help.   My husband, Dr. Tony Evans, could go to conferences and network with other pastors, but there weren't any things like that for me. At first, I struggled to live up to an image of what a pastor's wife should be. But when Tony told me he just wanted me to be me, it represented a real turning point. 


My experience led me to create the First Lady Conference for senior pastors' wives, so these often overlooked women could be educated and encouraged. The ministry is growing -- our seventh annual conference attracted more than 500 women last year. But ministries like the First Lady Conference and the Global Pastors Wives Network are still not widely known. 


Unfortunately, it takes something like the murder trial of Mary Winkler on April 9 to draw attention to the unique needs of senior pastors' wives. 

When the Tennessee woman was charged last March with shooting her husband in the back with a shotgun, it created headlines around the country. 

I've never met Mary Winkler, and I don't know what happened in the privacy of her home between her and her husband Matthew, pastor of Selmer's Fourth Street Church of Christ. But I've talked with hundreds of women who have struggled with the burden of being a senior pastor's wife. It's safe to say that Mary Winkler's family needed help. It seems that there may have been no place to turn, and no place to talk, to help defuse what became an explosive situation. 

Since the news broke, speculation about the Winklers' marriage has gone public in a way that rarely happens to a preacher's wife. 

According to testimony in a bond hearing, Mary Winkler told investigators that she shot her husband after they argued about financial problems. 

Various news outlets have indicated that she was the victim of a financial 
scam. 

The Associated Press reported last April that "experts say preachers' wives often struggle with depression and isolation" because they are "expected to be exemplars of Christian virtue while bearing unique pressures on their private and public lives." 

During a November interview on ABC's "Good Morning, America," Winkler's family said they believe she killed her husband because she was abused. Her father said that he saw "bad bruises" covered by heavy makeup on her face. 

The Associated Baptist Press, using Christian counselor Tony Rankin as a source, reported last August: "In Rankin's opinion, pastors' wives sometimes engage in an unattainable quest for perfection, often isolating themselves and losing a sense of reality along the way." 

There has been so much interest in gaining a glimpse into this often secret world that the CBS drama "Close to Home" aired an episode about a fictional pastor who was found dead in his home, with his wife and secretary the main suspects. 

While we don't know the details of what happened between Mary and Matthew Winkler, this much we do know: Pastors' wives have as high a level of stress and burnout as their husbands do. 

The late Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ and the Global Pastors Network, gleaned these figures from various sources a few years ago: 

<LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Eighty percent of pastors and 84 percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their roles.   <LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Eighty percent of pastors' spouses feel their spouse is overworked.   <LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Almost 40 percent of pastors polled said they have had an extramarital affair since beginning their ministry.   <LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Fifty percent of pastors' marriages will end in divorce.   
Eighty percent of pastors' wives feel left out and unappreciated by the church members.
When pastors' wives have problems, they often go undetected because they can become isolated and lonely. In "What Pastors' Wives Wish Their Husbands and Churches Knew About Them," Pastornet.net reported in 2001 that 56 percent of pastors' wives had no close friends in the church. Often these women, looked up to as leaders, are reluctant to approach members of their congregations for help. 

So next time you see your pastor's wife, be sure to offer some words of encouragement. She may need them more than you know. 

_*






Lois Evans* will host the First Lady Conference June 7-9 in Dallas. She is a former president of the Global Pastors Wives Network. Contact her at [email protected].
_Related Links 
Pastor's Wives: Enjoy Your Lives -- Whitney Hopler
Pastor's Wives: Finding Your Place -- Veronica Reece


----------



## Bunny77 (Apr 7, 2007)

This isn't really related to the topic, but the title of "First Man" in government (cause someone asked about Hillary Clinton).

Michigan has a female governor and her husband is called the "First Gentleman." 

Just throwing that out there as an example of what one political couple has done.


----------



## GodsPromises (Apr 7, 2007)

Thanks for that RR,

There is also an association for Minister's Wives and Widows called the " Interdomational Assiciation for Ministe's Wives and Minsiter's Widow which is a wonderful association and very helpful.



			
				RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> http://www.crosswalk.com/pastors/11536161/
> 
> Article from www.crosswalk.com related to the topic....
> 
> ...


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 9, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> http://www.crosswalk.com/pastors/11536161/
> 
> Article from www.crosswalk.com related to the topic....
> 
> ...


Thank you RR, this is so very true.


----------



## StrawberryQueen (Jul 6, 2007)

Bumping! .....


----------

