# Learning to Forgive



## Livingmylifetothefullest (Jul 23, 2009)

I don't if this question as been asked here so please forgive me. 

How on earth do you forgive someone that has hurt you? I've read the bible verses on this subject but I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, they hurt me so bad that I built a wall so thick and high, I don't think anyone will be able to penetrate it. I've tried moving on in my life but I see some of these same people everyday and it brings back those memories.


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## mrselle (Jul 23, 2009)

Forgiveness is so very hard when it comes to certain things.  A person accidentally steps on my toe and I can forgive that person all day long, but a person lies to me….well that trust is broken and forgiveness is hard.  I’m not even sure if I’m the right person to tell you how to forgive because I still struggle with this myself, but I know from experience that not forgiving someone is followed by resentment, bitterness, and anger.  In addition to being resentful, bitter and angry I was unhappy and sad.  I would snap at people and justify it in my mind by saying, “Well, that person just gets on my nerves.”  I would snap at my husband and justify it by saying, “He doesn’t listen to anything I say.”  It even began to affect my skin and my hair and my general appearance.  I didn’t feel like myself.  When I decided to forgive and move on and let God heal me from all the mess it was like everything changed in an instant.  I felt so much peace on the inside.  It was peace that I hadn’t felt in years.  It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I was happy, I had joy, I smiled more and I laughed more.  I have been more patient with my husband and more loving.  My skin cleared up, my hair bounced back and I felt like myself again.  Every now and then those old feelings pop back up, but I think about the peace that I have now and I just don’t want to go back to that place I was in.  Also, God showed me a glimpse of what my future could be like if I chose not to forgive.  He showed me a person who has spent most of her life not forgiving people who have hurt her and I decided that I didn’t want to be like that.  I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and still be mad that someone lied on me.  God knows the truth so why hold on to it?


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## Renovating (Jul 23, 2009)

LHCF2009 said:


> I don't if this question as been asked here so please forgive me.
> 
> How on earth do you forgive someone that has hurt you? I've read the bible verses on this subject but I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, they hurt me so bad that I built a wall so thick and high, I don't think anyone will be able to penetrate it. I've tried moving on in my life but I see some of these same people everyday and it brings back those memories.


 

I think about all of the humbling experiences I've had thus far, all of the times I've disappointed someone, all of the times I've disappointed God, and every time I've been forgiven for something (big or small).  Then  I think about how many times God has forgiven me, ( even for sins I wasn't even aware of - b/c this is apart of my daily prayer) and how regardless of what I've done, despite my imperfections- HE still forgives me AND LOVES ME.  

Everything else seems small when I compare it to the times I didn't know my worth and did things I know God wasn't pleased with BUT HE STILL LOVES ME. IMPERFECT ME.


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## zenith (Jul 23, 2009)

Forgiveness is something that you can ONLY achieve thru God's Power.
Trust me i have tried it in my way and it never worked.

Talk to God about it. Tell Him that you wanna forgive, forget and move on but you have barriers set up. Cry if you have to, wail even.

The weight will lift off you and those negative thoughts will clear.
You have to make sure that you don't go back into those thoughts esp when you see them.
Your heart will heal eventually and trust, you will not even be able to pinpoint when it happened, you will wake up one day and you will even try to remember the hurt because it will be so far taken from you.

I pray it will be well with you.


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## Highly Favored8 (Jul 23, 2009)

zenith said:


> Forgiveness is something that you can ONLY achieve thru God's Power.
> Trust me i have tried it in my way and it never worked.
> 
> Talk to God about it. Tell Him that you wanna forgive, forget and move on but you have barriers set up. Cry if you have to, wail even.
> ...


 

You hit right on the head.


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## Prudent1 (Jul 24, 2009)

LHCF2009,
I'm sorry they hurt you.   Sometimes life can be so unfair. The people closest to us are the ones who should be the most sensitive to our needs but the very nature of our relationship to them allows us to be vulnerable emotionally to them. The ladies here are all correct. In addition to the wonderful advice you've received I will say that sometimes the process of allowing God to do a work only he can do takes time. We have to learn to forgive though b/c unforgiveness is like you taking poison and sitting back watching the other person waiting for them to die. Here is a prayer I want to share with you. 


Prudent1

Forgiveness of Others Prayer
Heavenly Father, I forgive anyone who has ever wronged me or hurt me or cursed me or lied to me or prayed witchcraft prayers over me and I bless them in the Name of Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father I ask You to forgive me for any unforgiveness, any bitterness, any anger, any strife,
for any animosity, and any resentment that I have in my heart toward anyone at this time, in Jesus Name I pray. Amen.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2009)

mrselle said:


> Forgiveness is so very hard when it comes to certain things.  A person accidentally steps on my toe and I can forgive that person all day long, but a person lies to me….well that trust is broken and forgiveness is hard.
> 
> *I’m not even sure if I’m the right person to tell you how to forgive because I still struggle with this myself, but I know from experience that not forgiving someone is followed by resentment, bitterness, and anger.
> 
> ...


Mrselle, you are one of the most 'Beautiful' examples of a living witness of 'forgiveness' that I know of.     I've learned a lot from you and it takes a real woman of God, such as you are, to have lived your life and still love and forgive.   

So in answer to the bolded,  you are truly one who can share and advise.   Truly you are.    

One day, I'll share how your strength has strengthened me.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2009)

Prudent1 said:


> LHCF2009,
> I'm sorry they hurt you.   Sometimes life can be so unfair. The people closest to us are the ones who should be the most sensitive to our needs but the very nature of our relationship to them allows us to be vulnerable emotionally to them. The ladies here are all correct. In addition to the wonderful advice you've received I will say that sometimes the process of allowing God to do a work only he can do takes time. We have to learn to forgive though b/c unforgiveness is like you taking poison and sitting back watching the other person waiting for them to die. Here is a prayer I want to share with you.
> 
> 
> ...


Everyone of you are speaking so much truth and you are blessing me.    

LHCF2009, thank you for creating this thread.   You may not realize it, but you have Ministered much through your desire to 'forgive'.    

I have a family member, my flesh and blood sister, that I have to forgive for placing our mom's life in danger.   She willfully lied to my mom's doctor, who in turn had her hospitalized and they placed my mom on medication which could have killed her.  

My mom is fine, I found out in time to have the doctor's take her off of the medication and protect my mom from this happening again.   Yet,  it's hard to forgive, but only God can help me.   

Thank you for this thread for all of the excellent advice and Ministry from all of you.    You are all truly loving women of God.


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## mrselle (Jul 24, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Mrselle, you are one of the most 'Beautiful' examples of a living witness of 'forgiveness' that I know of.     I've learned a lot from you and it takes a real woman of God, such as you are, to have lived your life and still love and forgive.
> 
> So in answer to the bolded,  you are truly one who can share and advise.   Truly you are.
> 
> One day, I'll share how your strength has strengthened me.



Thank you, Shimmie.  You'll never know how these words have helped me today.


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Jul 24, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Everyone of you are speaking so much truth and you are blessing me.
> 
> *LHCF2009, thank you for creating this thread.   You may not realize it, but you have Ministered much through your desire to 'forgive'.   *
> 
> ...



Thanks, it was actually really difficult to decide whether to post this thread or not because like I said, the memories come flooding back. It's great knowing there are others out there who feel the same emotions I feel because I thought I was alone. Even though I have my family (whom I'm extremely close to and thank God everyday for them), you all know how on the inside you feel like your alone. Once again, thanks


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Jul 24, 2009)

Prudent1 said:


> LHCF2009,
> I'm sorry they hurt you.   Sometimes life can be so unfair. The people closest to us are the ones who should be the most sensitive to our needs but the very nature of our relationship to them allows us to be vulnerable emotionally to them. The ladies here are all correct. In addition to the wonderful advice you've received I will say that sometimes the process of allowing God to do a work only he can do takes time. We have to learn to forgive though b/c unforgiveness is like you taking poison and sitting back watching the other person waiting for them to die. Here is a prayer I want to share with you.
> 
> 
> ...



Thank you soo much, I have printed this prayer out to read everyday. It's funny, after reading it, I started crying and I don't know why


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## mzcris (Jul 24, 2009)

You forgive those who have hurted you...by Faith and through the Blood of Jesus


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## mscocoface (Jul 24, 2009)

Also remember that just because you have to forgive does not mean that you have to have those folks in your life, trust them, or even speak with them.  You can remove yourself from the toxic situation but what you can't have is unforgiveness.  

The forgiveness really isn't about the person who has hurt you it is about you and your relationship with God.


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## Prudent1 (Jul 24, 2009)

mscocoface said:


> Also remember that just because you have to forgive does not mean that you have to have those folks in your life, trust them, or even speak with them. *You can remove yourself from the toxic situation but what you can't have is unforgiveness. *
> 
> The forgiveness really isn't about the person who has hurt you it is about you and your relationship with God.


 
(Thanks so much for this point too Ms Cocoface!)
Sometimes in wisdom we learn after forgiving that it is ok to love from a distance. The bible tells us in _as much as possible_ live in peace with all people (Rom 12:18). Some folks take that and use it as a crutch but I don't believe any of us here would do that.  I'm happy to have been able to share that prayer with you. Even though we may never meet on this side, God has us all here to fellowship with each other by design. Perhaps your emotional response to it was a sure sign that healing is already taking place. He is Jehovah-Rapha the God that heals us and he loves you!


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## mrselle (Jul 24, 2009)

mscocoface said:


> The forgiveness really isn't about the person who has hurt you it is about you and your relationship with God.



Exactly.  I couldn't have said it better myself.


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## Prudent1 (Jul 24, 2009)

Thanks, it was actually really difficult to decide whether to post this thread or not because like I said, the memories come flooding back. It's great knowing there are others out there who feel the same emotions I feel because I thought I was alone. Even though I have my family (whom I'm extremely close to and thank God everyday for them), you all know how on the inside you *feel like your* *alone*. Once again, thanks 


We've all been deceived by Satan at some point in this manner too. He makes us feel like we are the only ones going through something or makes us ashamed of our less than holy thoughts/ feelings. You are never alone. We are many members but the same body on this forum and in this world. Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us- never!!


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## PinkPebbles (Jul 28, 2009)

mrselle said:


> Forgiveness is so very hard when it comes to certain things. A person accidentally steps on my toe and I can forgive that person all day long, but a person lies to me….well that trust is broken and forgiveness is hard. I’m not even sure if I’m the right person to tell you how to forgive because I still struggle with this myself, but I know from experience that *not forgiving someone is followed by resentment, bitterness, and anger. In addition to being resentful, bitter and angry I was unhappy and sad.* I would snap at people and justify it in my mind by saying, “Well, that person just gets on my nerves.” I would snap at my husband and justify it by saying, “He doesn’t listen to anything I say.” It even began to affect my skin and my hair and my general appearance. I didn’t feel like myself. *When I decided to forgive and move on and let God heal me from all the mess it was like everything changed in an instant. I felt so much peace on the inside. It was peace that I hadn’t felt in years. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was happy, I had joy, I smiled more and I laughed more.* I have been more patient with my husband and more loving. My skin cleared up, my hair bounced back and I felt like myself again. Every now and then those old feelings pop back up, but I think about the peace that I have now and I just don’t want to go back to that place I was in. *Also, God showed me a glimpse of what my future could be like if I chose not to forgive. He showed me a person who has spent most of her life not forgiving people who have hurt her and I decided that I didn’t want to be like that.* I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and still be mad that someone lied on me. God knows the truth so why hold on to it?


 
Mrselle - your testimony has really blessed me.  

I recently had to forgive someone that deeply hurt me as well as asked the person for their forgiveness towards me. The person was at first resentful to hear from me but I had to swallow my pride. As a result, I feel so much better now and can finally move on. The best part about forgiveness is that you are no longer stuck in the past and carrying around unnecessary baggage. 

Forgiveness that isn't dealt with will display negative character traits in situations where you least expect it. This can perhaps ruin a good thing or block your blessings. But with the power of God He can help us get through this....


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Aug 1, 2009)

Hey Prudent1 

I've been reading the prayer you posted here for me and others and I must say that I'm slowly coming to terms with forgiveness. It will be a long road but I can kind of feel this peacefulness coming over me. It's working  and I never would have known had you not posted that prayer. Thanks again


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## Prudent1 (Aug 7, 2009)

LHCF2009 said:


> Hey Prudent1
> 
> I've been reading the prayer you posted here for me and others and I must say that I'm slowly coming to terms with forgiveness. It will be a long road but I can kind of feel this peacefulness coming over me. It's working  and I never would have known had you not posted that prayer. Thanks again


 
You're welcome. Thank you for having the courage and wisdom to post your thoughts here.  God is so good.


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## Angelicus (Aug 7, 2009)

OP, Let me talk to you about forgiveness. 

I had a really bad breakup which made me move my belongings in storage. I gave the key to a trusted friend and told her that her family could take what furniture she needed, and nothing more. I also put it in writing.

They, instead, took everything, even personal documents (the storage unit, 5x15 was empty). When I asked for only my personal documents back, the family acted nasty toward me. They now have access to my SSN, my birth certificate, and my car's title.

A few people saw my blog about me being "Doctor A. to the sick" but God was not satisfied with me because I had not forgiven what my former friend did. He would not let me operate at 100% of my calling without forgiving these people that stole my life. 

You know what... I forgave them today. 5 minutes ago. I wrote them an email that pretty much said "Never mind, it's okay. Just shred everything." I will never speak to them again but my heart is at peace now. No arguing needed. I know that _God will not let me enter His Kingdom with a hard heart._ He deserves the glory, not hate and fear. 

Only the father can take away your wall of fear and hate!


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## daydreem2876 (Aug 7, 2009)

to me...

forgiveness = Letting Go + Letting God


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## Casarela (Aug 7, 2009)

It is hard!! Especially I tend to turn bitter when im hurt by people that are really close to me. Everytime, I try to just walk away and tell myself, forgive! forgive because you're only hurting yourself in the end and I try to always remember that whenever I pray I always ask God to forgive me the same way I forgive those who did me wrong...so yeah it is a hard process but with prayers things do change.


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Aug 18, 2009)

Unfortunately, I fell off the wagon for a few days and the emotions came flooding back. This forgiving thing is extremely difficult but I'm going to try and start again.


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Aug 18, 2009)

I think the key is to be ever mindful of self, personal sins and shortcomings, as well as being mindful of our own desire to be forgiven by G-d which will not happen unless we forgive others.  Nothing is easy but if you are committed, you can achieve freedom.  I also realize that we sometimes need the steps to forgiveness, a model of action and prayer.  We also sometimes need to look at it from a pragmatic approach...why forgive and what exactly does it consist of and what it does not consist of?  

It's to say that I do not hold grudges of any kind against the offending person.  It means that I let them off the hook with my anger and bitterness.  It means that what they did was atrocious and greatfully wrong and that it was never okay to do that to me.  But I let them off the hook.  I forgive myself for not forgiving them.  I ask G-d to forgive me for my own offenses.  Very importantly, I do not let them have this emotional control over me and this past situation, to bring up the hurts and offences.  I let go of those hurts and will not allow them to hurt me again with the memories.  

By Mangan:


"When the allied soldiers found the Nazi concentration camp at Ravensbruck where about 92,000 women and children died, they found a note tied to a rock alongside a dead woman and child. It is actually a prayer written by one of the women:

“O Lord, when I shall come with glory into Your kingdom, remember not only the men and women of good will; remember also those of ill will.

“But do not only remember the suffering they have inflicted on us. Remember the fruits we bought thanks to this suffering: our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart which have become part of our lives because of our suffering here.

“May the memory of us not be a nightmare to them when they stand in judgment. When they come to judgment, let all the fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness. Amen. Amen. Amen.”

Those are the exact words of the prayer that was written on that note.

You look at yourself. Put yourself up against that kind of great love and forgiveness to see how far we have to go. How much road we have to travel to become people who can be so loving and forgiving under those horrendous circumstances, just like our Lord as He was being nailed to the Cross. “Father, forgive them,” He said. “They don’t know what they are doing.”

This is what we mean by “love one another.” It’s not easy; it never was easy to love your enemies, to love your neighbor. It’s not ever going to be easy. Yet, that is what we are called to be. To be people like that . . . to be young people like that.”


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Jan 23, 2010)

I wanted to bump this thread and recommend a book that is helping me with this long journey: Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping.


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## Poohbear (Jan 25, 2010)

Check out this song video and lyrics entitled "A Heart That Forgives":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=indCvnD4Ji4 

I want a heart that forgives 
A heart full of love 
One with compassion just like Yours above 
One that overcomes evil with goodness and love 
Like it never happened, never holding a grudge 
I want a heart that forgives that lives and lets live 
One that keeps loving over and over again 
One that men can’t offend 
Because Your Word is within 
One that loves without price, like You Lord Jesus Christ 
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies 
I want to love like You, be like You, just like You did 
I want a heart that forgives, 

I want a heart that forgives! 
When the ones that are closest, that I’ve known the longest, hurt me the most; 
I still wanna love them just like You love me 
Even though I’m hurting 
I want a heart that forgives 
When the pain is so deep, it’s so hard to speak, about it to anyone 
Just like Your Son, I give up my right to hold it against them with hatred inside 
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies 
I wanna love like You, be like You, just like You did 
Wanna walk like You, talk like You, just like You did, 
Wanna be like You, live like You, just like You did 

'Cause the heart that forgives is the heart that will live 
Totally free from the pain of the past 
And the heart that lets go is the heart that will know so much freedom 

Lord I wanna let it go 
God I need to let it go 
Lord its been holding me back 
And I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't 
I don't want it no more 
I don’t know exactly what to do to get rid of it, but ah... 
Here I am Lord Jesus, here I am ohh, here I am Lord Jesus...ohh 
Lord I need You, I need You, I know this is me that You're talking to 
This is me, this is me, this is me Lord, this is me 
Lord I let it go, every person, every person that's ever hurt me 
God I let it go 
Every single hurt 
God I let it go 
Every single pain 
God I let it go, I let it go, I let it go 
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it, 
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it, 
You can have it now, You can have it now, 
'Cause I don't want it no......more


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## CoilyFields (Jan 25, 2010)

In my bible study class we're reading a book called The Bait of Satan. Its about offense and forgivenss. Very relevant...


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## plainj (Jan 26, 2010)

CoilyFields said:


> In my bible study class we're reading a book called The Bait of Satan. Its about offense and forgivenss. Very relevant...


Excellent book! I just finished reading this book in a bible study class. I related to this book so very much. It takes practice to apply it. I'm going through an offense now (and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel) which leads to hurt, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. God is teaching me so much through this. I know that He will continue to put me through the test until I get it. I recommend everyone read this book.


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## plainj (Jan 26, 2010)

Poohbear said:


> Check out this song video and lyrics entitled "A Heart That Forgives":
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=indCvnD4Ji4


I adore this song. I play this ALL the time and will continue to play it until it sinks deep within my spirit. I discovered/heard this song at the same time I started reading Bait of Satan. God was and still is speaking to me.


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## plainj (Jan 26, 2010)

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I said:


> I think the key is to be ever mindful of self, personal sins and shortcomings, as well as being mindful of our own desire to be forgiven by G-d which will not happen unless we forgive others.  Nothing is easy but if you are committed, you can achieve freedom.  I also realize that we sometimes need the steps to forgiveness, a model of action and prayer.  We also sometimes need to look at it from a pragmatic approach...why forgive and what exactly does it consist of and what it does not consist of?
> 
> It's to say that I do not hold grudges of any kind against the offending person.  It means that I let them off the hook with my anger and bitterness.  It means that what they did was atrocious and greatfully wrong and that it was never okay to do that to me.  But I let them off the hook.  I forgive myself for not forgiving them.  I ask G-d to forgive me for my own offenses.  Very importantly, I do not let them have this emotional control over me and this past situation, to bring up the hurts and offences.  I let go of those hurts and will not allow them to hurt me again with the memories.
> 
> ...


Powerful!! Deep!! Reminds me of a book I heard of (haven't read it yet) by Corrie Ten Boom called The Hiding Place. I just went to amazon.com and saw some other titles of hers that sound great and encouraging and relevant to this topic of forgiveness.


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Jan 26, 2010)

CoilyFields said:


> *In my bible study class we're reading a book called The Bait of Satan. Its about offense and forgivenss. Very relevant...*



Thanks so much; I just ordered it from B&N , should be here in 3 days


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## Dellas (Jan 26, 2010)

LHCF2009 said:


> I don't if this question as been asked here so please forgive me.
> 
> How on earth do you forgive someone that has hurt you? I've read the bible verses on this subject but I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, they hurt me so bad that I built a wall so thick and high, I don't think anyone will be able to penetrate it. I've tried moving on in my life but I see some of these same people everyday and it brings back those memories.





http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=360741&highlight=forgive


I posted an article on this topic awhile back and it does work. Reframing your image of the person. Example, I have a person who betrayed me very much instead of focusing on that one incident: I focused on the good they did while the were in my life and I rewrote the story of that incident where I had pity on her for her short comings and I hope one day she can become the better person. It was hard to do the exercise but it works. I do not feel the need to reconcile with the person but I honestly can pray for her and wish her well.

I am a Christian...this may not seem to be the Christian approach but it works and I think it is a Christian approach of looking over an offense.


So if a Person/Group Reject you...don't hate them/be angry hurt....Just say they were given miss information about me and I pray they learn that there is more than one side of a story. I feel sorry for them.


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## Laela (Jan 26, 2010)

Your post is thought-provoking.... but I wanted to interject something. I'd posted something on Pity a while back and I'll post it here. I think the danger in pitying people (from a Christian perspective) as opposed to showing sympathy or compassion, is it puts the 'pitier' in a position of feeling superior or even enabling the pitied. That's not how Christ wants us to see one another or treat each other, IMHO. There's that saying "pity makes suffering contagious". I don't feel it's right to *pity* people but to show compassion.

I agree w/ you on just praying about an event and moving on...  We can love people  -- and I mean a geniune, God-infused Agape Love -- from a distance without causing any harm.  





=======================================================
*A Word on Character: Compassion*

Compassion, of course, doesn't mean feeling sorry for people, pitying people.  Compassion, com-pas-sion, means _'to feel with_.'

Dictionary's meaning: _Sympathetic consciousness of others' distress along with a desire to alleviate it._

What the Word says Compassion is:
 * The Lord will always have compassion on us. (2 Kings 13:23, Nehemiah 9:27, Psalm 103:13, Isaiah 54:8) Does the Lord expect something from us in return?
    * Jesus felt compassion to those in need. (Matthew 9:36, 14:14, 15:32, 20:34, Mark 6:34, 8:2, Luke 15:20, etc.)
    * Those who walk with the Lord will have compassion. (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:12-13, Philippians 2:1-2, 1 Peter 3:8)
    * Compassion fulfills the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)

To do:
1. Pray specifically to become a person of greater compassion.
2. Seek to be a Good Samaritan to the person in need that you have identified.

Showing compassion, not pity, for others is my challenge for today.  

Source: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=349911&page=105



=======================================================





Adel10 said:


> http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=360741&highlight=forgive
> 
> 
> I posted an article on this topic awhile back and it does work. Reframing your image of the person. Example, I have a person who betrayed me very much instead of focusing on that one incident: I focused on the good they did while the were in my life and I rewrote the story of that incident where I had pity on her for her short comings and I hope one day she can become the better person. It was hard to do the exercise but it works. I do not feel the need to reconcile with the person but I honestly can pray for her and wish her well.
> ...


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 28, 2010)

Angelicus said:


> OP, Let me talk to you about forgiveness.
> 
> I had a really bad breakup which made me move my belongings in storage. I gave the key to a trusted friend and told her that her family could take what furniture she needed, and nothing more. I also put it in writing.
> 
> ...


 
Very true...I've been dealing with this issue for too many years now. 



Poohbear said:


> Check out this song video and lyrics entitled "A Heart That Forgives":
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=indCvnD4Ji4
> 
> ...


 
Just what I needed! 

Thank you for sharing.


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 28, 2010)

I have a question...I can forgive people of the things they've done, but it depends on who it is. I can forgive strangers and fake friends, but it's so hard for the family that I really love. 

But how do you forgive someone who continues to keep hurting you, such a parent (in my case, parents). 

It's like getting hit by a bus; soon as you heal from the wounds, you get run over again...and again and again. How do you heal when they keep hurting you? 

Now, they're no longer a part of my life, but it's still painful that my dd doesn't have a relationship with her grandparents. They're in their 70's and you would think at this age where you don't know how long they have to be here, but they can't even spend that time with their grandchildren (not just my dd). 

So, how can you forgive someone who keeps hurting you? It's not like the pain has stopped or ended. 

Advice, please. 

TIA


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## Poohbear (Jan 28, 2010)

Blessed_Angel said:


> I have a question...I can forgive people of the things they've done, but it depends on who it is. I can forgive strangers and fake friends, but it's so hard for the family that I really love.
> 
> But how do you forgive someone who continues to keep hurting you, such a parent (in my case, parents).
> 
> ...


I feel you. I am someone who usually can forgive others easily, but it can be hard depending on what that certain person does to hurt me regardless of their closeness or relationship with me.

For instance, I'm somewhat in your situation of getting continuously hurt except it's my father (not both parents), not physically, but verbally and psychologically.  Just his mere presence can sometimes make me cringe which I feel like has built up over the years.  He's very controlling and negative. Now that I'm older, I have been able to deal with it better and have seen it as "he's never going to change, that's just the way he is."  So that saying helps me be able to forgive him for anything he does to hurt me. And I'm forgiving him without him even apologizing which is really tough. He doesn't feel like he does any wrong.  So I just put it in God's hands.

And just recently, I was having problems with my sister who hurt me deeply.  I stopped all communication with her because of the things she had done. But after she apologized, I was able to forgive and we are now talking.  I haven't forgotten what she has done, but I don't dwell on it or let it hang over my head. I just put it in the back of my mind and just take it for what it is.  

So my advice would be for you to do your best to put that hurt from your parents out of your mind. Let God handle it for you. Don't let it haunt your mind or heart. I know it's going to be hard, but that's what works for me. Just treat them like you want to be treated and keep showing them respect. Everyone has their flaws and it can be tough to overlook the flaws of others while easily looking past our own flaws. Hope that helps!


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 28, 2010)

Poohbear said:


> I feel you. I am someone who usually can forgive others easily, but it can be hard depending on what that certain person does to hurt me regardless of their closeness or relationship with me.
> 
> For instance, I'm somewhat in your situation of getting continuously hurt except it's my father (not both parents), not physically, but verbally and psychologically. Just his mere presence can sometimes make me cringe which I feel like has built up over the years. He's very controlling and negative. Now that I'm older, I have been able to deal with it better and have seen it as "he's never going to change, that's just the way he is." So that saying helps me be able to forgive him for anything he does to hurt me. And I'm forgiving him without him even apologizing which is really tough. He doesn't feel like he does any wrong. So I just put it in God's hands.
> 
> ...


 
I'm sorry about what you're going through with your father. 

Thanks for your advice. I have been trying to do that (put it in God's hands)....it's very hard though. Especially when I want to forget, but am constantly reminded. For example, when my friend complains that her father is no longer with her mother and is a dead beat, and doesn't even call her, I'm reminded that my father is the same; except he's still with my mother!! It's not just me he treats this way; it's his 9 kids and over 15 grandchildren and 3 great grands. We all can't believe that he acts like we don't even exist; and my parents are still together! They've been married for over 35 years, but they might as well have divorced, it seems. 

And his children from his other wife thinks I'm getting all his "love" cause my parents are still together; they don't know that he doesn't care any about any us. They of course, don't believe me when I tell them. 

I'll pray on it...


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## mscocoface (Jan 28, 2010)

BA you may need to develop some boundaries with your parents.  If the situation is abusive you may have to determine to break all ties just to save yourself.

I don't know your details, if you can confide in someone you trust I would suggest that.

You can love them from a distance.  There is no rule that says you have to keep getting hurt by them because they are your parents.


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## Poohbear (Jan 28, 2010)

Blessed_Angel said:


> I'm sorry about what you're going through with your father.
> 
> Thanks for your advice. I have been trying to do that (put it in God's hands)....it's very hard though. Especially when I want to forget, but am constantly reminded. For example, when my friend complains that her father is no longer with her mother and is a dead beat, and doesn't even call her, I'm reminded that my father is the same; except he's still with my mother!! It's not just me he treats this way; it's his 9 kids and over 15 grandchildren and 3 great grands. We all can't believe that he acts like we don't even exist; and my parents are still together! They've been married for over 35 years, but they might as well have divorced, it seems.
> 
> ...


I have a brother and sister and 1 nephew (my sister's son) and my father treats us the same. Very controlling and negative. The thing that really kills us is that he puts on a new personality in front of church folks. Away from church, it's a different story. He acts so frustrated, helpless, overbearing, and just plain negative all the time. Complains all the time. He is mean to my mother who is the most peaceful woman on earth. He tries to use the Bible against us to fit his opinions and agendas.  It's just too much. My parents have been married for 32 years. My brother and I still live with our parents. I moved there in March 2009 and now that I've had this job, I'm hoping to make a move out soon just to have more peace of mind. I cringe when he comes home, even when he may not be in a bad mood. It's just something I psychologically developed. But I just try my best to forget about what he has done. I guess I've somewhat become numb to his words and actions because they're so predictable. That's how bad it is. I hope everything works out in your situation. I agree with mscocoface as well, love from a distance and try your best to be cordial with your parents and other family members.


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Feb 4, 2010)

CoilyFields said:


> *In my bible study class we're reading a book called The Bait of Satan. Its about offense and forgivenss. Very relevant...*





plainj said:


> *Excellent book! I just finished reading this book in a bible study class. I related to this book so very much. It takes practice to apply it. *



I received my book and all I can is, this book is awesome. I'm not finished reading it yet but thanks ladies for the recommendation. I can really now start to feel the weight slowly lifting off my body  and just becoming free....


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## plainj (Feb 4, 2010)

LHCF2009 said:


> I received my book and all I can is, this book is awesome. I'm not finished reading it yet but thanks ladies for the recommendation. I can really now start to feel the weight slowly lifting off my body  and just becoming free....


Praise God! Praise God! This book truly is a gem that can be used by everyone. Like I said you, have to continually practicing to apply it. It's working for me already. I spoke with one person who offended me and the book (no pun intended, lol)is now closed on that situation. I will continue to do this so that my heart can be right before the Lord. I don't want to block God's presence or anointing in my life in any way. Good for you. Keep reading.Keep applying.


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## julzinha (Feb 8, 2010)

LHCF2009 I know what you're talking about it happened to me when I was 12 and a close friend hurt me so bad I cried for days and I prayed sooo much for God to help me. This was the loneliest moments of my life and I was only 12. I felt like I had no one and I wanted to disappear. I suffered so much emotionally for years while she went about her life with her friends. I closed myself off to people for soooo long and the wall was sooo thick and the facade was impenetrable. For years, I didn't consider most people friends because i felt they would all hurt me the way she did. And I never talked about it until I reached 16 because of the pent up anger and sadness and so many other emotions. I started having anxiety attacks and i thought I had depression. When I finally talked about it and forgave her wholeheartedly and only wished positive things for her in her life did I finally feel at peace with myself. Because you have to feel at peace with yourself! I suffered so long while she went about her life and although I can say that I have overcome so much since that in terms of trusting people and valuing myself. It all came from giving myself everything that person took away and releasing all those resentments because it will eat at you. It may take time but you have to start because YOU ARE WORTH IT! and that persons actions will continue to plague you. Prayer and Action. Those memories won't go away but your outlook on how they affect you can change greatly.


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## ToyToy (Feb 9, 2010)

I know this is old. I hope you are much better. Being able to forgive is really hard, especially when unforgiveness is "warranted". What helped me is placing my feelings about the particular person on the altar, and being very honest with God. Tell Him that you don't want to feel or think this way. I know from personal experience that this works. God has a way of healing you without you even noticing, because He will keep you busy. I haven't read the whole thread, but I'm sure you've received great advice.


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Feb 9, 2010)

ToyToy said:


> *I know this is old. I hope you are much better. *



I'm getting there , it's a very long process but day by day, the weight is lifting. I really think the best thing for me is to move to another state and start fresh, which I hope to do this or next year. What's partly making it difficult is that I see some of these people everyday and here come the memories so if I move some place that I don't know anyone, I can finally feel at peace somewhat.


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## ToyToy (Feb 9, 2010)

LHCF2009 said:


> I'm getting there , it's a very long process but day by day, the weight is lifting. I really think the best thing for me is to move to another state and start fresh, which I hope to do this or next year. *What's partly making it difficult is that I see some of these people everyday and here come the memories so if I move some place that I don't know anyone, I can finally feel at peace somewhat*.



I'm not going to go into details, but I was in a similar situation last year. I was hurt by someone very, very close to me and still had to work with them week after week several days a week (we go to the same church). That made things really hard for me, because I was hurting, offended, angry and growing bitter. I really hated, that the person (and people affiliated with this person) had such an impact on me, but they did. I also hated feeling this way, because it affected other areas of my life. 

This is why I said, take it to the altar. I was very honest with God, even though the way I felt was not pretty (or godly). But I didn't want to hate this person, so I asked God to 1) heal me, 2) heal this person, 3) take away any negativity towards this person or the situation. It wasn't easy, but as the months trickled by, my attitude changed. And then this person's behaviour towards me changed. By the end of '09, we were able to talk things through. And now things are almost back to normal. 

I'm not saying the same will happen to you, as I don't know the details of what happened to you, but God can and will heal you. Many times, it is our attitude that has to change *first* before the situation changes. Kind of like, if you radiate positivity *first*, people and good things naturally attach themselves to you. 

I feel you on making a fresh start! I feel that way every now and again. Don't know if I would ever have the guts, though...

(((hugs))) and God's peace and strength .


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## lilanie (Feb 9, 2010)

Praise God for this thread!  I too have some situations that require me to forgive. Its funny, I've forgiven those who have abused my body, but haven't to those who have abused my mind - I find that to be curious. 

I am excited to get the readings suggested (when finances permit) and will start implementing the rest today. 

I found this thread this am after another exhausting discussion with my kid about our inateractions, motivations and priorities. I must say, just reading the words of compassion and encouragement have lifted my spirits tremendously and changed my disposition. I can tell you I used to be a regular "rumplestiltskin" (hopping, snapping mad upon being wronged), now I am more taken aback than anything else. I thank God for that change!

God bless you LHCF09 and I am lifting you up in prayer - as well as all readers/posters to this thread.


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## Nice Lady (Feb 9, 2010)

This is such a real thread and LHCF 2009, you took the first step toward forgiveness. We all struggle with it and some Christians even Joyce Meyer talked about her struggle with it and even an offense that took grace. The main thing is ask God for grace to forgive the person and pray for God to bless the person. Initially, you will be screaming on the inside but eventually if continue to pray for them regardless of what happened.  You will forgive them.  The devil tries to convince us with words such as "never" or what's the use.  However, at least you were honest--a lot of people tend to pretend like they never had this struggle.

Every single time the memories come up, forgive them and even out loud especially if you are by yourself: "Thank God, I forgive XYZ for what they did and I pray a blessing on them right now." Do that every single time even if it is a year and a half. 

I completely understand. Thanks for the thread and your transperancy.


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Feb 10, 2010)

Since the thanks button is gone, I still wanted to thank all of you ladies for the advice and encouragement, and it's great to know that this thread is/maybe helping someone who feels their in this difficult position in life. 

God Bless You All


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## loolalooh (Feb 10, 2010)

This thread made me realize that I haven't truly forgiven some of those that I thought I had forgiven ...  Trying to forget does not equate to forgiving.  Rather forgiveness leads to letting go as someone stated.  The stuff I tried to forget still upsets me when I remember them.  They've also manifested themselves as judgments on other people ...

Will read the rest of this at home and order that book.  Thanks.


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## hopeful (Feb 10, 2010)

LHCF2009 said:


> I'm getting there , it's a very long process but day by day, the weight is lifting. *I really think the best thing for me is to move to another state and start fresh, which I hope to do this or next year.* What's partly making it difficult is that I see some of these people everyday and here come the memories so if I move some place that I don't know anyone, I can finally feel at peace somewhat.


 
I hope you are able to move away and get the fresh start you want.  Being physically away from the situation and the people involved can be very freeing and will give you clarity.  And you will meet many new wonderful people who won't hurt you.  God bless and I wish you all the best.


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## Livingmylifetothefullest (Mar 5, 2010)

I had another relapse but I will breakthrough this wall if it's the last thing I do.


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## HeChangedMyName (Mar 5, 2010)

LHCF2009 said:


> I don't if this question as been asked here so please forgive me.
> 
> How on earth do you forgive someone that has hurt you? I've read the bible verses on this subject but I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, they hurt me so bad that I built a wall so thick and high, I don't think anyone will be able to penetrate it. I've tried moving on in my life but I see some of these same people everyday and it brings back those memories.


 
Change your focus.  Forget about them and focus purely on the forgiveness God has given you.  Let him teach you how to accept His forgiveness so that foregiving will become easier for you.

Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting.  You have a mind, it retains memories.  They wont go away mysteriously.

But, when you truly learn to accept God's foregiveness it makes forgiving soooooooooooooooooooo much easier.  I've been there.  hurt to the point that is was physical.  damaged, emotionally hurt and wanted revenge plus ten.  

But through prayer, I learned that I wasn't sold on the idea that God could or had foregiven me for my own mess.  I still held my own sins over my head and felt like any thing bad that ever happened to me was a direct punishment for some previous sin of my own and that God orchestrated it all.  

The reality is that once I became saved, I was forgiven.  And because I was forgiven, I became as Christ and could in turn forgive.  However, when you are not in your rightful position as an heir with Jesus,  forgiving can seem intangible. 

Keep praying.  Stay in the Word.  Keep seeking God on the matter and He will help you.  It will take time but He will get you there.


Proof:  the one person who hurt me the most in life was going through a situation.  terrible situation.  no one showed up to help him out.  he "friends" all disappeared.  God led me to go in my pocket, my fridge, my gas tank and emotionally to be there for that person.  I wrestled with it.  didn't want to do it.  asked God why he was trying to get me to play myself, but I did it.  I forgave and let it go.  and I don't regret it.


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## plainj (Mar 5, 2010)

Great attitude to have LHCF2009. You will get there because you truly desire to get there. It's a process but you will get there.


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