# Some thoughts friendships, renewing one's mind, 2011



## sidney (Dec 30, 2010)

*Some thoughts on friendships, renewing one's mind, 2011*

poof poof poof poof


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## PinkPebbles (Dec 30, 2010)

sidney said:


> Yesterday morning, it occured to me that I've never thought about God's will for friendships. We know that his word says "Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers." *It also says "be not deceived," bad company corrupts good character." *So we know at a basic level that God desires that are closest friends are believers. *But what is God's heart for friendships?*
> 
> After much thought and medititation, *I believe God desire's for friendships is for us to experience his presence.* *His word says "if two are gathered in my name, there I will be in the midst of them." Has this ever happened to you? *I have a girlfriend and we haven't been friends long at all (a few months), but everytime we meet up, I experience God's presence.* Even if we don't talk about the bible and we're discussing natural things, I always leave spiritually "filled up." Have you ever met someone where it's edifying just to be in their presence? *
> 
> ...


 
Sidney - thank you for sharing this encouraging post. 

You are really in my head! This topic has been a concerned in my own personal life. For the past few days I have been in prayer about a friendship. And God has renewed my mind and gave me spiritual insight on some things that have taken place.

I agree that it's important to have edifying friendships. It's a beautiful thing to be able to share your journey with a friend that will celebrate, support, encourage, and tell you the truth in love. Like you stated, _"you are filled up."_

I have friends from all walks of life and I know that the Lord joined us together. I see purpose in each one of us and it brings me joy knowing this.

Great post!


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## sidney (Dec 30, 2010)

PinkPebbles said:


> Sidney - thank you for sharing this encouraging post.
> 
> You are really in my head! This topic has been a concerned in my own personal life. For the past few days I have been in prayer about a friendship. And God has renewed my mind and gave me spiritual insight on some things that have taken place.
> 
> ...


 
That is a testament to your prayers, God is faithful when we invite him in these areas!  Some people give up on friendships but I believe that god-ordained friendships are instrumental to reaching God's purpose.  Could David become King without Jonathan?  Would "Ruth" be book in the bible without Naomi? But like all things, we must invite him in this area to accomplish HIS purpose for our lives and the lives of those we are connected to.


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## PinkPebbles (Dec 30, 2010)

sidney said:


> That is a testament to your prayers, God is faithful when we invite him in these areas! *Some people give up on friendships but I believe that god-ordained friendships are instrumental to reaching God's purpose.* *Could David become King without Jonathan? Would "Ruth" be book in the bible without Naomi?* But like all things, we must invite him in this area to accomplish HIS purpose for our lives and the lives of those we are connected to.


 
Sidney - you have shared a mouthful; a mouth full of wisdom!

Yes, god-ordained friendships are indeed instrumental to reaching God's purpose! God uses people to be His hands, loving arms, foot-steps, and mouth-piece!

If we look at god-ordained friendships in the bible such as Jonathan and David; Ruth and Naomi and study their character, we would see that they were kind, supportive, giving, loving, encouraging, merciful, gracious, which are the characteristics of God Himself.

My point is that you attract who you are! And if you have the love of God dwelling inside of you then you would draw the people that God has already predestined for your life, which ultimately fulfills God's purpose.


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## Prudent1 (Dec 30, 2010)

Sidney,
Excellent post! I started praying about my friendships etc a few years back once I got the revelation on being equally yoked and seeking God in that area too. I just wanted some friends of like precious faith sooo bad IRL. Before then all of my friends were all male. I thought they were easier to get along with and that was just the way I was. I had to learn the true value of sisterhood. I had to learn that I was unbalanced by having only male friends. God answered my prayers too. There is no part of our lives too small that we should exclude God from it. After all it was through prayer that I found LHCF.


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## LovingLady (Dec 31, 2010)

Thank you for the post Sidney, I have been praying about this for a while now.


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## phynestone (Dec 31, 2010)

Sidney,

This is something I think about from time to time. While I have some acquaintances that are nice, lovely people, I find some are not edifying and I try to limit my interaction with them. I've been praying for a Godly husband and Godly friends for quite some time now. Even though I don't have a lot of people around me, I know that the few I do have truly have my best interests at heart and will uplift me in prayer.


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## sidney (Dec 31, 2010)

PinkPebbles said:


> Sidney - you have shared a mouthful; a mouth full of wisdom!
> 
> Yes, god-ordained friendships are indeed instrumental to reaching God's purpose!* God uses people to be His hands, loving arms, foot-steps, and mouth-piece*!
> 
> ...


 
Pink Pebbles I agree, .   Just thinking about all the times God used the ladies in the CF to speak a word to me in the time of need.....you are very right!  Thank God for the CF, we have many people here to offer caring words and words of advice.  The CF is god-ordained....


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## sidney (Dec 31, 2010)

Prudent1 said:


> Sidney,
> Excellent post! I started praying about my friendships etc a few years back once I got the revelation on being equally yoked and seeking God in that area too. I just wanted some friends of like precious faith sooo bad IRL. Before then all of my friends were all male. I thought they were easier to get along with and that was just the way I was. I had to learn the true value of sisterhood. *I had to learn that I was unbalanced by having only male friends.* God answered my prayers too. There is no part of our lives too small that we should exclude God from it. After all it was through prayer that I found LHCF.


 
I love that you mention balance.  It seems that when it comes to God's will and purpose, balance is key.  We have to be connected to christ, connected to the body, and connected to godly men and women, and connected to seasoned saints that are older (and wiser) than we are.  If not, things can just be *off* and we may never know that we may be missing a source of spiritual guidance that may be needed.  I've always known that you have to pray for spiritual friends, but for whatever reason....for a season....I didn't want to be bothered with making new friends because friendship requires work   ( I know bad, but sometimes you have to be honest) but when I first met this girl, I *knew* we would be friends, _eventually_ I  did pray(again bad), and not long after that we ended up in the same circle of friends, and now we're tight lol.  So I know that you have to pray for God's will to come to pass.  Thanks Prudent!


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## sidney (Dec 31, 2010)

Abdijz said:


> Thank you for the post Sidney, I have been praying about this for a while now.


 
We'd love to hear any insights you have Abdijz.


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## sidney (Dec 31, 2010)

phynestone said:


> Sidney,
> 
> This is something I think about from time to time. While I have some acquaintances that are nice, lovely people,* I find some are not edifying and I try to limit my interaction with them*. I've been praying for a Godly husband and Godly friends for quite some time now. *Even though I don't have a lot of people around me, I know that the few I do have truly have my best interests at heart and will uplift me in prayer*.


 
I think that's the tricky part....because some people you have to limit your interaction with and some may be there because God wants you to minister to them.  I love your last line, having friends that will lift you up in prayer means a lot, there's nothing greater we can do than pray for those we care about.


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## delitefulmane (Dec 31, 2010)

sidney said:


> I think that's the tricky part....because s*ome people you have to limit your interaction with and some may be there because God wants you to minister to them.*  I love your last line, having friends that will lift you up in prayer means a lot, there's nothing greater we can do than pray for those we care about.



@bolded: Sidney, how do you know the difference between these two? I have found in this past year, after graduating, that I am loosing more and more friends. I am not bother by this at all. Its just I can't figure out which friendships are ones worth preserving?


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## PinkPebbles (Dec 31, 2010)

delitefulmane said:


> @bolded: Sidney, how do you know the difference between these two? I have found in this past year, after graduating, that I am loosing more and more friends. I am not bother by this at all. *Its just I can't figure out which friendships are ones worth preserving*?


 
Hi Delitefulmane -  I know this question was directed towards Sidney and I know that Sidney will chime in. I experienced something this week in regards to your question that I'd like to share.

This week I was in limbo of whether or not I should end a friendship. This friend has been speaking negatively towards people and allowing herself to be in conflict with others. It has been going on for several months and I had become drained and no longer wanted to associate with her.

I prayed and asked God what He wants me to do. My inward feelings were telling me not to end our friendship but I was still uneasy.

Well, the other night this same friend called me and poured her heart out. She told me everything and revealed where all this negativity and drama was coming from. I had a better understanding and was able to minister the word of God and be a friend.

She listened and received what I had to say. She felt better and made some changes to end the conflict and drama she had with others. 

I knew that was all God, God was in the midst. 

To answer your question, ask God to show you which friends are worth preserving. A true friend will listen and take heed of godly advice. A true friend will admit when they are wrong, and humble themselves to make changes.


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## phynestone (Dec 31, 2010)

I struggle with that balance of ministering and cutting off un-Godly influences. I pray about it as well, but in the past, I have been burned by the same people I was trying to help. Self-preservation and my tendency to nurture and assist those in need are things I constantly need to seek Godly wisdom.


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## Laela (Dec 31, 2010)

@ the bolded, there is the assumption that all friendships are God-ordained or a Kingdom connection and I know this not to be true. Therefore, there are times God will tell us to let go of a relationship that's not instrumental to reaching His purpose for US (or is even hindering us), yet it had served a purpose for that person at some point. 

To explain:
When Paul addressed the Corinthians about divisions in the church, he said:
_I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow._ (1 Corin 3:6)


So I agree with PinkPebbles, that seeking God in earnest about a relationship is really the first thing to do, so we know how far we can go or how much God can use us in someone's life. It is He who sees the big picture, so why not just ask Him?  IF a certain relationship starts to bother us, it's time for prayer. We may only be needed to plant the seed and not to water it..or we can be tasked to plant, water and grow the seed. Are relationships for a reason, a season or a lifetime? That's all something I believe only God can determine for our lives.

I'd go further to say a relationship could hinder God's purpose for us  if we take it upon ourselves and suffer the consequences (disobedience? I've learned this the hard way).  So, ITA w/ Phynestone.. it's a  healthy spiritual balance that can be achieved. What does Love have to do with all of this? Everything! Because God is Love. Therefore, I don't really believe there is such a thing as a "failed" relationship. A parent who lets a child learning to walk fall so they can learn to get back up on their own Loves that child.   Hope I'm making sense w/ this analogy.

Eccl 3 says there is a season for everything and I believe this applies to relationships as well. 


 


sidney said:


> That is a testament to your prayers, God is faithful when we invite him in these areas!  S*ome people give up on friendships but I believe that god-ordained friendships are instrumental to reaching God's purpose*.  Could David become King without Jonathan?  Would "Ruth" be book in the bible without Naomi? But like all things, we must invite him in this area to accomplish HIS purpose for our lives and the lives of those we are connected to.


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## sidney (Dec 31, 2010)

delitefulmane said:


> @bolded: Sidney, how do you know the difference between these two? I have found in this past year, after graduating, that I am loosing more and more friends. I am not bother by this at all. Its just I can't figure out which friendships are ones worth preserving?


 
Great question, I believe Pink Pebbles and Laela hit at this already but the answer is always prayer to begin with. In the natural, you can also look at the fruit of the relationship. My general rule of thumb is that if God is behind something, it will bear fruit. We all came to Christ because someone ministered to us, and we received what they shared....so it was a fruitful connection. Someone planted the seed, it was watered, received, etc etc as Laela mentioned. If the person is growing it will be clear that God is using you to witness to them because the fruit of the relationship will be evident. If the person more of a spiritual hindrance than you can be as a witness to them, then I would consider that unfruitful....but still confim the purpose of it with God. This is what I have seen from personal experience, if someone else has seen anything different please share.


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## sidney (Dec 31, 2010)

Laela said:


> @ the bolded, there is the assumption that all friendships are God-ordained or a Kingdom connection and I know this not to be true. Therefore, there are times God will tell us to let go of a relationship that's not instrumental to reaching His purpose for US (or is even hindering us), yet it had served a purpose for that person at some point.
> 
> To explain:
> When Paul addressed the Corinthians about divisions in the church, he said:
> ...


 
Laela I agree 1000%.  I didn't mean to convey that people shouldn't let go of some friendships, i was talking about people giving up on having friendships at all (those that choose to go through this christian journey alone).  Yes, some friendships are seasonal.  Which is why we have to be tuned into God at all times, he will weave relationships into your life at the appropriate time and weave relationships out as well.   The more you grow in the Lord, you will find that you will need some people that will help sharpen you for this journey and encourge you to run this race!  You will find that when things get tough, some people will not hang in there.  Remember Demas left Paul and the ministry for the world.  So not all people will be able to make the journey with you.  

Thank you for pointing that out, excellent post Laela, we should always remember that.


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## sidney (Dec 31, 2010)

Laela said:


> @ the bolded, there is the assumption that all friendships are God-ordained or a Kingdom connection and I know this not to be true. Therefore, there are times God will tell us to let go of a relationship that's not instrumental to reaching His purpose for US (or is even hindering us), yet it had served a purpose for that person at some point.
> 
> To explain:
> When Paul addressed the Corinthians about divisions in the church, he said:
> ...


 
Preach!  I learned the hard way as well....some christians take the scripture about longsuffering to the extreme


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## PinkPebbles (Dec 31, 2010)

sidney said:


> Laela I agree 1000%. *I didn't mean to convey that people shouldn't let go of some friendships, i was talking about people giving up on having friendships at all (those that choose to go through this christian journey alone). *Yes, some friendships are seasonal. Which is why we have to be tuned into God at all times, he will weave relationships into your life at the appropriate time and weave relationships out as well. The more you grow in the Lord, you will find that you will need some people that will help sharpen you for this journey and encourge you to run this race! You will find that when things get tough, some people will not hang in there. *Remember Demas left Paul and the ministry for the world. So not all people will be able to make the journey with you. *
> 
> Thank you for pointing that out, excellent post Laela, we should always remember that.


 
Sidney - I keep coming back to this thread! Sorry ladies but this thread was for me...you have no idea how Sidney is all in my head!

I had to highlight and enlarge the bolded b/c it is the TRUTH!!! 

Let me stop right there b/c I have to get ready for watch night and get my praise on...


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## Shimmie (Dec 31, 2010)

Sidney.... this is one of the most awesom'est awesome messages that I've ever read.


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## crwnandglory (Jan 1, 2011)

PinkPebbles said:


> Yes, god-ordained friendships are indeed instrumental to reaching God's purpose! God uses people to be His hands, loving arms, foot-steps, and mouth-piece!




The above is very important to remember, I do not believe that we are meant to take this journey on our own/in isolation...    I do not believe that every nice person should be a friend, nor do I believe that every God ordained relationship will involve two believers 

I personally do not filter who I have in my close circle based on faith and salvation.  I have some close friends that I KNOW are important to my purpose/destiny but they were not believers when we met.  Over the course of our relationship God has used my salvation, trials, tribulations and walk to bring some of my friends closer to Him.   In fact, I also was not saved when I met some of my closest friends but today we are prayer partners and sisters in Christ .    

On the flip side, I've had some friendships with good people who love God but they should not have been in my close circle.  God MADE me distance myself from these individuals.  

In the past I did not pray about friendships until God disciplined me over and over again through bad friendships.  Just as we pray about our romantic partners/relationships we should also remember to pray about the people we allow into our lives as friends.  A friend outside of God's will can be just as much of a distraction and detour from your purpose as a romantic relationship that is outside of God's will.


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## crwnandglory (Jan 1, 2011)

sidney said:


> Great question, I believe Pink Pebbles and Laela hit at this already but the answer is always prayer to begin with. In the natural, you can also look at the fruit of the relationship. My general rule of thumb is that if God is behind something, it will bear fruit. *We all came to Christ because someone ministered to us, and we received what they shared....so it was a fruitful connection.* Someone planted the seed, it was watered, received, etc etc as Laela mentioned. If the person is growing it will be clear that God is using you to witness to them because the fruit of the relationship will be evident.* If the person more of a spiritual hindrance than you can be as a witness to them, then I would consider that unfruitful....but still confim the purpose of it with God. This is what I have seen from personal experience, if someone else has seen anything different please share*.




Sidney-   I have a slightly different experience that I would like to share.   

In my above post I shared that I was not saved when I met some of my closest friends.  In fact I wasn't saved when I met all but one of my closest friends.  I remember during my Sophomore year of college I started to really go to war spiritually.  My flesh was pulling me one way but something else in me wanted to break away from sin.  I was not raised in church and was cynical about organized religion especially Christianity because of the judgmental, hypocritical church folk that I've crossed paths with.  I thought I was better off not going to church or participating in religion because they had poorer morals than I (God has really disciplined me and humbled me since then).  During this time I would discuss various topics with my friends/roommates, whenever I had an opinion that differed from their opinion they would pull out a bible scripture to support their belief.  I despised that...even though I wasn't a believer I knew I couldn't argue against the bible.  What really hindered me spiritually was when God led me turn away from my sinful nature I stopped drinking and partying but I would see them drink and party all Saturday night and go to church the next day.   At one point, I told them that I wanted to be celibate until marriage and they laughed and told me I was crazy and that they would never consider being celibate.   I was so discouraged.  One minute I was being fed bible scriptures and the next the same believers disclosed that they did not plan to fully follow what was in the bible.  I was so close to giving my life to God and joining the body of believers but that made me reconsider.  
To make a long story short, I got saved that year.  I embraced celibacy immediately afterward.   What I really praise God for was that just a few weeks after I got saved and turned away from my flesh I was able to share my testimony with one of my roommates that previously discouraged me and that week she rededicated her life to Christ.   We are still encouraging and supporting each other to this day  


Great post Sidney!


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## sidney (Jan 1, 2011)

PinkPebbles said:


> Sidney - I keep coming back to this thread! Sorry ladies but this thread was for me...you have no idea how Sidney is all in my head!
> 
> I had to highlight and enlarge the bolded b/c it is the TRUTH!!!
> 
> Let me stop right there b/c I have to get ready for watch night and get my praise on...


 
Yes ma'am we are on one accord!  Thanks for all you have shared PinkPebbles!


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## sidney (Jan 1, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> Sidney.... this is one of the most awesom'est awesome messages that I've ever read.


 
Thank YOU Shimmie for all the awesome messages you have in the CF, I'm glad God ordaine you to be here


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## sidney (Jan 1, 2011)

crwnandglory said:


> Sidney- I have a slightly different experience that I would like to share.
> 
> In my above post I shared that I was not saved when I met some of my closest friends. In fact I wasn't saved when I met all but one of my closest friends. I remember during my Sophomore year of college I started to really go to war spiritually. My flesh was pulling me one way but something else in me wanted to break away from sin. I was not raised in church and was cynical about organized religion especially Christianity because of the judgmental, hypocritical church folk that I've crossed paths with. I thought I was better off not going to church or participating in religion because they had poorer morals than I (God has really disciplined me and humbled me since then). During this time I would discuss various topics with my friends/roommates, whenever I had an opinion that differed from their opinion they would pull out a bible scripture to support their belief. I despised that...even though I wasn't a believer I knew I couldn't argue against the bible. What really hindered me spiritually was when God led me turn away from my sinful nature I stopped drinking and partying but I would see them drink and party all Saturday night and go to church the next day. At one point, I told them that I wanted to be celibate until marriage and they laughed and told me I was crazy and that they would never consider being celibate. I was so discouraged. One minute I was being fed bible scriptures and the next the same believers disclosed that they did not plan to fully follow what was in the bible. I was so close to giving my life to God and joining the body of believers but that made me reconsider.
> To make a long story short, I got saved that year. I embraced celibacy immediately afterward. *What I really praise God for was that just a few weeks after I got saved and turned away from my flesh I was able to share my testimony with one of my roommates that previously discouraged me and that week she rededicated her life to Christ. We are still encouraging and supporting each other to this day*
> ...


 

Wow, look what God can do! I can tell Go was busy all along from every thing you shared here. Even though they weren't doing right, God was still able to plant the seed of his word in your heart from the scriptures they shared. No matter what they were doing, his word was still incorruptable! Excellent post crwnanglory! Thank you for sharing your experience here and I am glad that you all are still supporting eachother.


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## sidney (Jan 1, 2011)

crwnandglory said:


> The above is very important to remember, I do not believe that we are meant to take this journey on our own/in isolation... *I do not believe that every nice person should be a friend, nor do I believe that every God ordained relationship will involve two believers*
> 
> I personally do not filter who I have in my close circle based on faith and salvation. I have some close friends that I KNOW are important to my purpose/destiny but they were not believers when we met. Over the course of our relationship God has used my salvation, trials, tribulations and walk to bring some of my friends closer to Him. In fact, I also was not saved when I met some of my closest friends but today we are prayer partners and sisters in Christ .
> 
> ...


 
Amen, I agree with much of what you have said. And the part about befriending nonbelievers, i believe you have to tread carefully there. I believe the goal has to be to witness to them and it shouln't be confused with a friendship where the two are _yoked_ together in friendship. God will never contradict his word. Our closest, most intimate frienships should be with believers. In fact God tells us not to even sit an eat with someone who calls themself a christian but lives immorally (1 Corinthians 5:11). Who we hang around can affect our destiny and God will not place anyone in your life who will be a mouthpiece for things countrary to his word.  


*Psalms 1–41 1 Blessed is the one *
*who does not walk in step with the wicked *
*or stand in the way that sinners take *
*or sit in the company of mockers, *
*2 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, *
*and who meditates on his law day and night. *
*3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, *
*which yields its fruit in season *
*and whose leaf does not wither— *
*whatever they do prospers. *


*ETA:*
It seems that your relationships have been very fruitful and it shows that God was at work behind the scenes.  Even if everyone wasn't saved initially God had a plan which is why we must always be prayerful.  But I don't think God would yoke two together as one that way....a yoke was a device that bound two oxen, if one strayed then the other would stray too so we always have to be careful when we witness to unbelievers and not be yoked with them.


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## Prudent1 (Jan 2, 2011)

Here's an old poem this thread made me think of:
*Everyone Can't be in your front row*​
Author: Unknown
Life is a theater so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family!
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are just going downhill?

When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

The more you seek God and the things of God, the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God, the more you seek things honorable, the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around!
Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the FRONT ROW of your life.

Remember that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those who sit in your FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully.
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW​


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## sidney (Jan 2, 2011)

Prudent1 said:


> Here's an old poem this thread made me think of:
> *Everyone Can't be in your front row*​
> Author: Unknown
> Life is a theater so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives.
> ...


 
Thank you Prudent, I needed to read this!


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## Shimmie (Jan 2, 2011)

crwnandglory said:


> The above is very important to remember, I do not believe that we are meant to take this journey on our own/in isolation...    I do not believe that every nice person should be a friend, nor do I believe that every God ordained relationship will involve two believers
> 
> I personally do not filter who I have in my close circle based on faith and salvation.
> 
> ...



I have to agree with your post, that God ordains 'certain special' relationships between those saved and unsaved.   Were it not for the love and prayers of my dearest friends and family members, I would not be saved and built up in the Word as God has so ordained.  God had me covered...


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## sidney (Jan 2, 2011)

crwnandglory said:


> Sidney- I have a slightly different experience that I would like to share.
> 
> 
> 
> ...











Shimmie said:


> I have to agree with your post, that God ordains 'certain special' relationships between those saved and unsaved. Were it not for the love and prayers of my dearest friends and family members, I would not be saved and built up in the Word as God has so ordained. God had me covered...





Thank you ladies for the perspective you have shared.  It's clear that God knows who are his and who belong to him.  He knows how to put people in your life at just the right place and time.  He begins a good work and he completes it.  God knows how to use people to pull us in when we are not saved....an it's always fruitful, you can see his hand....


Just wanted to add that I did have a unfruitful situation before and I kinda "tried" God on this scripture, "be not deceived, bad company corrupts good character." Let's just say it was not fruitful at all, but I knew God was telling me he was not in it, but I let the friendship continue anyhow(sigh)....I was more spiritually hindered more than I ministered.  I agree with these special situations, it's up to us believers to bring in the harvest.  In anything we do if we remain prayerful everything will turn out in a way that gives God glory.  Thank you for pointing this out.  I agree with what you've said here 1000%....


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## PinkPebbles (Jan 2, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> I have to agree with your post, that God ordains 'certain special' relationships between those saved and unsaved. Were it not for the love and prayers of my dearest friends and family members, I would not be saved and built up in the Word as God has so ordained. God had me covered...


 
I have to cosign!

When I have the opportunity to meet people I observe their character and personality. Normally, we have something in common that connects us; whether it's our career, fashion, hobby, etc. From that point I allow it to flow. As Sidney mentioned, a good or god-ordained relationship will produce fruit.

And I really think that's what important. Do you see fruit bearing in your relationships!?!. 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have friends from all walks of life. All of us are not on the same spiritual level but we serve different purposes in each other lives. And I'm not being influenced in a negative way.


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## sidney (Jan 2, 2011)

PinkPebbles said:


> I have to cosign!
> 
> *When I have the opportunity to meet people I observe their character and personality*. Normally, we have something in common that connects us; whether it's our career, fashion, hobby, etc. From that point I allow it to flow. As Sidney mentioned, a good or god-ordained relationship will produce fruit.
> 
> ...


 
I know exactly what you mean by watching character, like you said earlier 
"like attracts like."  I have a feeling there will be a lot of different experiences because God works in many awesome ways. The important thing is that we are all prayerful and allow God to lead us in our friendships.


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## Shimmie (Jan 2, 2011)

I love this thread.  It's going to bless someone who's been searching for answers about a relationship, where they have been struggling to leave or not to leave.   

I believe that God is setting them 'free' from the 'guilt' of letting someone go who is not meant to be a part of God's plan for their life.  

It's not a 'cruel' departure, simply one that is best for each involved.  

Just allow God to be God and allow His transition to flow. :Rose:


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## sidney (Jan 2, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> I love this thread. It's going to bless someone who's been searching for answers about a relationship, where they have been struggling to leave or not to leave.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I agree, I like how Laela put it, there are no "failed" relationships when God is leading us in and out of relationships.  Friendship is a great responsibility and we should take great care concerning who we take as friends and be careful how we transition out of them as well because we  represent the body.


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## aribell (Jan 2, 2011)

> *There is a Different Glory*
> 
> 
> Today as I reflected on a relationship with a particular leader, I heard Yahweh say, “There is a different glory; there are different glories.” He then ministered from this scriptural premise:
> ...


****************************


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## sidney (Jan 2, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> ****************************


 
Nicola you always post the best articles.  I remembered your article today about spiritual seasons an I searched the internet until I found it!Thanks....


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## sidney (Jan 2, 2011)

Prudent1 said:


> Here's an old poem this thread made me think of:
> 
> Everyone Can't be in your front row
> 
> ...


 




You really have me thinking about the front row here! Jesus, had an huge audience of followers, he had many kinds of friends....but there were only a few that could make it to the front row. It was a previledge for the disciples to be in the front row...they could experience Jesus in a way that others could not. Front row seats are EXPENSIVE because you experience the game/show/concert in a way that others can not. Because you can see EVERYTHING! Every well-executed jump shot, every mistake or imperfection! You are right there! The disciples where able to see Jesus on his highs, like when there were miraculous healings. They were able to see he's lows in Gesthsemane and of course, the cross. But they paid a great price....because they had to give up everything to walk so closely with God. Our front row seats should also be expensive seats. Not just anybody should be able to be on the front row. The people who will "see you through" the high's and lows of your performance should be there. The one's who will help bear your burdens(Galatians 6:2), the one's love you not only in words but in actions and truth(1 John 3:18), those that will sharpen you (proverbs 27:17; proverbs 13:20), rejoice and morn with with you(romans 12:15), encourage and edify you (1 Thessalonians 5:11), esteem you highly(phillipians 2:3), those that will be transparent with you and pray for you (james 5:16). ETA: The one's who will correct you for your good (proverbs 27:6), defend you (romans 12:19....i know that text was a stretch lol), pull you up if you fall (ecclesiates 4:10).


Yes, reserve the very best seats for those who are invest in making you the best you can be.


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## tyrablu (Jan 2, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> I love this thread.  It's going to bless someone who's been searching for answers about a relationship, where they have been struggling to leave or not to leave.
> 
> I believe that God is setting them 'free' from the 'guilt' of letting someone go who is not meant to be a part of God's plan for their life.
> 
> ...



Shimmie, 

I needed to read this post right here. Thank you so much for this. I am struggling with this exact thing. I just need to let go and let God.


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## it_comes_naturally (Jan 3, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> I love this thread. It's going to bless someone who's been searching for answers about a relationship, where they have been struggling to leave or not to leave.
> 
> I believe that God is setting them 'free' from the 'guilt' of letting someone go who is not meant to be a part of God's plan for their life.
> 
> ...


 

Because the "thanks button" was not enough!


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## sidney (Jan 3, 2011)

tyrablu said:


> Shimmie,
> 
> I needed to read this post right here. Thank you so much for this. I am struggling with this exact thing. I just need to let go and let God.


 



it_comes_naturally said:


> Because the "thanks button" was not enough!


 
I know Shimmie will encourage you tommorrow but just wanted to share this.

*Matthew 19: And everyone that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake shall receive an hundredfold, an shall inherit everlasting life. *

I know it's difficult thing to let go of a friend but God will honor your obedience. What ever you give up for Christ, he will restore it. Whatever use lose for him, he will return one-hundred fold. He is able to sen you godly friends and end the friendship in a way that will still give him glory. _Take heart_. God can handle it.


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## Prudent1 (Jan 3, 2011)

^^^Amen Sidney! Ladies, oftentimes God rewards us in _this life _*and* in the next!! A lot of times ppl think you have to wait on everything until the sweet by and by. God is so great!:reddancer:


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## PinkPebbles (Jan 3, 2011)

sidney said:


> You really have me thinking about the front row here! Jesus, had an huge audience of followers, he had many kinds of friends....but there were only a few that could make it to the front row. It was a previledge for the disciples to be in the front row...they could experience Jesus in a way that others could not. Front row seats are EXPENSIVE because you experience the game/show/concert in a way that others can not. Because you can see EVERYTHING! Every well-executed jump shot, every mistake or imperfection! You are right there! The disciples where able to see Jesus on his highs, like when there were miraculous healings. They were able to see he's lows in Gesthsemane and of course, the cross. But they paid a great price....because they had to give up everything to walk so closely with God. Our front row seats should also be expensive seats. Not just anybody should be able to be on the front row. *The people who will "see you through" the high's and lows of your performance should be there. The one's who will help bear your burdens(Galatians 6:2), the one's love you not only in words but in actions and truth(1 John 3:18), those that will sharpen you (proverbs 27:17; proverbs 13:20), rejoice and morn with with you(romans 12:15), encourage and edify you (1 Thessalonians 5:11), esteem you highly(phillipians 2:3), those that will be transparent with you and pray for you (james 5:16). **ETA: The one's who will correct you for your good (proverbs 27:6), defend you* (romans 12:19....i know that text was a stretch lol), *pull you up if you fall *(ecclesiates 4:10).
> 
> 
> Yes, reserve the very best seats for those who are invest in making you the best you can be.


 
Very well stated...
The very attributes of a true, genuine, and sincere friend .


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## aribell (Jan 3, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> I love this thread. It's going to bless someone who's been searching for answers about a relationship, where they have been struggling to leave or not to leave.
> 
> *I believe that God is setting them 'free' from the 'guilt' of letting someone go who is not meant to be a part of God's plan for their life. *
> 
> ...


 
Thank you. That is exactly what this thread is doing for me, and I see many others as well. Guilt has been the #1 reason I have held onto things way past their expiration date. 

____________________________________________________________________________
In general, I feel that we are much more concerned with "niceness" and having everyone feel good all the time than the Lord is. We owe people kindness, patience, our prayers; but we don't owe them personal intimacy. Something was posted by a minister that really struck me. She emphasized that God's love is a _covenant_ love. Everyone is not owed, nor experiences, the benefits of God's covenant--but only those who _make_ a covenant with Him. The Lord is certainly kind to the ungrateful and does good to the whole world. But His everlasting faithfulness, His special spiritual blessings, His power--they are reserved for His holy ones.

In learing from the Lord how to love others, we should also embrace this covenant model. Note that David and Jonathan made a _covenant_ with one another:



> [16 ] And Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the LORD take vengeance on David's enemies.” [17 ] And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.


 

Likewise, Ruth pledged herself to Naomi:



> [16 ] But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. [17 ] Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also_ if anything but death parts me from you.”_ [18 ] And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.


 
And of course with marriage, it is by covenant:



> Malachi 2:14--"...she is your companion and your wife by covenant."


 
It will be the _very_ rare and special relationship that rises to the level of covenant (and a covenant must be intentionally made). There is room in our lives for all sorts of people and types of relationships. They can be fun and edifying and blessed. But remembering the difference between the charity that we are to have toward everyone and the everlasting nature of covenant love can help us to be able to allow different relationships to ebb and flow within our lives without feeling that every one is supposed to be a permanent fixture therein.  We have to know the difference between those to whom we are pledged for life (as well as the purpose of such a pledge) and those with whom we may be journeying for a season.

I think that there is a problem culturally that we refuse to pledge ourselves to one another for life, especially not in non-marital relationships.  So I believe that we need to become better covenant-makers and covenant-keepers.  But in keeping with this thread's theme, we should also discern the difference between covenantal relationships and non-covenantal relationships so that we aren't compelled to share more of our selves than is truly warranted.

Also, I've been thinking about how Jesus responded to the people around Him, and you know, He just wasn't overly concerned with who accepted Him, rejected Him, betrayed Him. His constant concern was with _those whom the Father had given Him._ At the end, He prayed to the Father that He didn't lose any of the ones that He had been given, save Judas.  The Lord always knew that everyone would not be in fellowship with Him. When He said certain things, He fully expected many to leave. And when people chose to walk away, He did not chase after them or plead with them or show anxiety about their departure. I don't at all think that this means that He was indifferent, only that He _knew_ that only some would be able to follow Him. And He also knew our weaknesses, which led to Him forgiving Peter and restoring Him to ministry when he failed. 

That said, I think that it's good to know that, no, everyone is not going to want to walk with us and it is what it is. People may fail us and betray us even, but that will not take away from the Father's purpose on our lives. If we keep our eyes focused on the Lord's purpose for us, and maintain faith that He is presently accomplishing that, then it is easier to let things go (people) when they are not jiving with that purpose.




sidney said:


> Nicola you always post the best articles. I remembered your article today about spiritual seasons an I searched the internet until I found it!Thanks....


 
Glad you did! He has some good stuff on there. I love compiling books articles, sermons and whatnot on these things.


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## Blessed2bless (Jan 3, 2011)

crwnandglory said:


> The above is very important to remember, I do not believe that we are meant to take this journey on our own/in isolation... I do not believe that every nice person should be a friend, nor do I believe that every God ordained relationship will involve two believers
> 
> I personally do not filter who I have in my close circle based on faith and salvation. I have some close friends that I KNOW are important to my purpose/destiny but they were not believers when we met. Over the course of our relationship God has used my salvation, trials, tribulations and walk to bring some of my friends closer to Him. In fact, I also was not saved when I met some of my closest friends but today we are prayer partners and sisters in Christ .
> 
> ...


 
Wow! This sounds as if these words can right out of my heart! I totally agree and have experienced the exact same thing.


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## MSee (Jan 3, 2011)

I'm so guilty of the "wanting to be nice" statement. wanting to love even when the hatred I recieve just gets worst and worst. God literally had to take me through some verbal knocked down and dragged out situations. Sad to say the individuals were Christians who were highly esteemed by others. 

After the dust cleared and I survived I'm being asked to forget about it. Today I was considering and praying about one of those relationships. The individual persists in doing things and acting as if "I" should be riled up. I don't know how to tell them I couldn't care less. Then there is the guilt of wondering if I should care. 

Thankfully, God has proven to have my back in all the drama I went through. Not only has this CF been a place to run to (THANK YOU LADIES), He kept sending people I wouldn't normaly associate with to minister to me and encourage me. However, I haven't felt like any was destined to be long term friendships, although I've been praying for close friends. I have a strong sense that God wants me to heal first so that when He sends friends into my life I wouldn't be pushing them away because of fear of being wounded again. So as wait, I'm learning to be the type of friend I will want. Still want to be nice but will no longer sit back and allow my boundaries to be violated, or disobey God when He tells me get away from someone. 

(Admittedly, last year things got so bad that I resolved never to be "nice" again  I've repented )

Thanks for this thread.


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## Shimmie (Jan 4, 2011)

tyrablu said:


> Shimmie,
> 
> I needed to read this post right here. Thank you so much for this. I am struggling with this exact thing. I just need to let go and let God.





it_comes_naturally said:


> Because the "thanks button" was not enough!





nicola.kirwan said:


> Thank you. That is exactly what this thread is doing for me, and I see many others as well. Guilt has been the #1 reason I have held onto things way past their expiration date.



As Christians, we all want to portray the man we've fallen in love with... Jesus, our Lord and Saviour.   

We are the 'Handmaidens' of the Lord, and as such we want to embrace everyone who is in our lives; and it becomes a 'tear' [a cut] in one's spirit to even think of ending a friendship, separate from a family member, or to leave those whom we have been familiar with all of our lives.  

God said to Abram [Abraham], to come out and away from his family.  Not in heated dispute, nor even disrespect; but out of obedience to God's voice. 

This was a prelude [preparation] to the major test that God was to bring upon Abram as Abraham. 

God's ultimate command to Abraham:

*...... Sacrificing Issac ......*

His Son... Long awaited, yet promised by God.

Abraham knew God's commands, it happen first with his father and family;  Abraham walked with God making a Covenant with him; Abraham met with and hosted the angels who visited him upon their journey to destroy Sodam and Gormorrah. 

Then there was Issac...Of him, God said, 'Take the lad, prepare him as a sacrifice."   

Because of their relationship, and prior commands, Abraham KNEW this was God's command and not the voice of "the" stranger.  This was also the same voice that said, 'Look at the stars... you will have as many children [more than there are the grains of sand].  Abraham was used to obedience to 'this' voice.  To 'this' voice, He yielded.  

When God calls you from a relationship, it is to bless you and not curse you.  It is to give you more and not less.  It is to give you, His love and His very best.  

Instead of taking Abramham's son as the sacrifice, God gave him the ram in the 'thicket' [the bush].  

When God separates you from someone [calls you out from among them], He has something more that He wants to do with and for you.  

We're not betraying the love of others,  we are simply obeying the voice of God. His Destiny calls.


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## Laela (Jan 4, 2011)

wow...What a powerful Biblical breakdown!! With Jesus and the disciples as a fine example. We know some of the disciples had issues.. lol.. yet they were all CHOSEN by Jesus Himself. Lots to digest in your post here....

copy/pasting this... thank you 




sidney said:


> The disciples where able to see Jesus on his highs, like when there were  miraculous healings. They were able to see he's lows in Gesthsemane and  of course, the cross. But they paid a great price....because they had  to give up everything to walk so closely with God. Our front row seats  should also be expensive seats. Not just anybody should be able to be on  the front row. The people who will "see you through" the high's and lows of your performance should be there. The one's who will help bear your burdens(Galatians 6:2), the one's love you not only in words but in actions and truth(1 John 3:18), those that will sharpen you (proverbs 27:17; proverbs 13:20), rejoice and morn with with you(romans 12:15), encourage and edify you (1 Thessalonians 5:11), esteem you highly(phillipians 2:3), those that will be transparent with you and pray for you (james 5:16). ETA: The one's who will correct you for your good (proverbs 27:6), defend you (romans 12:19....i know that text was a stretch lol), pull you up if you fall (ecclesiates 4:10).


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## PinkPebbles (Jan 4, 2011)

Shimmie - you have shared a mighty, powerful, yet loving word. 

Thank you..... This thread has truly blessed me! 




Shimmie said:


> As Christians, we all want to portray the man we've fallen in love with... Jesus, our Lord and Saviour.
> 
> We are the 'Handmaidens' of the Lord, and as such we want to embrace everyone who is in our lives; and it becomes 'tear' in one's spirit to even think of ending a friendship, separate from a family member, or to leave those whom we have been familiar with all of our lives.
> 
> ...


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## Shimmie (Jan 4, 2011)

PinkPebbles said:


> Shimmie - you have shared a mighty, powerful, yet loving word.
> 
> Thank you..... This thread has truly blessed me!



The Holy Spirit is preparing us for the 'Fast'.   Everyone here is on 'one accord'.  This is God.  God is here and He is flowing.  Each of you are so filled with His word and His presence.   I'm so blessed to be among each of you.  

Holy Spirit, thou art welcome in this place, in our hearts, in this 'Fast', every area of our lives and our prayers and words uttered.  In Jesus' Name, Amen and Amen.  


We will not be dismayed, nor distracted or thrown off course by anyone nor anything.  We are steadfast; fixed, fully established in the Will of God.   Praise Jesus,


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## sidney (Jan 5, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Thank you. That is exactly what this thread is doing for me, and I see many others as well. Guilt has been the #1 reason I have held onto things way past their expiration date.
> 
> ____________________________________________________________________________
> In general, I feel that we are much more concerned with "niceness" and having everyone feel good all the time than the Lord is. We owe people kindness, patience, our prayers; but we don't owe them personal intimacy. Something was posted by a minister that really struck me. She emphasized that God's love is a _covenant_ love. Everyone is not owed, nor experiences, the benefits of God's covenant--but only those who _make_ a covenant with Him. The Lord is certainly kind to the ungrateful and does good to the whole world. But His everlasting faithfulness, His special spiritual blessings, His power--they are reserved for His holy ones.
> ...


 

WOW, you really broke it down here!  Great post.  I agree with everything you have shared here and those types of relationships are rare.  A covenant is something that should be kept, so we need to be careful who we form covenants with because God will expect us to uphold those covenants!


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## sidney (Jan 5, 2011)

Just wanted to backtrack a little bit and clarify my previous post as not to cause anyone to stumble.  It is good to mix with unbelievers to show the love of God to them and convert them.  Jesus modeled this by mixing with sinners to convert them.  However, he did not yoke with them in the same way he did with true believers.  He actually did the opposite, he moved on if people chose not to believe.  Yoking with unbelievers can cause you to stumble in subtle ways.   Perhaps they can change the way you view others or perhaps involve you in gossip without you even noticing, but it’s inevitable that we will emulate people around us if we spend enough time with them.  I am aware that this may be an unpopular opinion and I  don’t want to be responsible for adding or subtracting from scripture  so I will just post what the word says on this issue encourage anyone to read it and that each individual can judge for themselves.

2 Corinthians 6:14 
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.”


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