# Christians and Divorce...



## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 7, 2013)

I was having a discussion with my friend about how the bible states if you divorce you can never marry again if you are saved. It would be considered adultery. So my question to him was basically say someone marries and that marriage was full of lies, abuse, cheating and they have no choice but to divorce but the catch is that they are still young maybe don't have kids. If that Christian person find love later and marries happily are they going to hell?   What if you as a single woman meets a great man and he is Christian but is divorced no children. Would you date him? Are you also committing  adultery?   I know what the bible says and we can't interpret things to make them work in our favor but I'm just wondering there are so many people who end up in bad marriages and divorce to think they going to hell if they remarry is scary.


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## LiftedUp (Dec 7, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> *  What if you as a single woman meets a great man and he is Christian but is divorced no children.* *Would you date him? Are you also committing  adultery?*



No I wouldn't date him.  I do not believe in divorce either apart from extenuating circumstances such as abuse or adultery.

I know that the bible says, "Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church.".  How can he do that when he's abusing you.

Regarding adultery, the bible states that sexual immorality/adultery is a reason for divorce.

Now given the divorced man, what happens if he divorced his wife because of her committing adultery, I do not know how would you verify that before dating him.  I'm not interested in dating a divorced man.  But, is it recorded anywhere?


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## Renewed1 (Dec 7, 2013)

It depends on the reasons why he was divorce, as in his wife committed adultery.  I believe if this Christian man is true, he wouldn't lie to me about the circumstances of his divorce.  

In this day and age it is difficult to find someone who hasn't been divorce or have children.  I believe this is an area that you just have to trust God to lead you to the person that is right for you.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 7, 2013)

Renewed1 said:


> It depends on the reasons why he was divorce, as in his wife committed adultery.  I believe if this Christian man is true, he wouldn't lie to me about the circumstances of his divorce.  In this day and age it is difficult to find someone who hasn't been divorce or have children.  I believe this is an area that you just have to trust God to lead you to the person that is right for you.



It's true there's a lot of folks who are divorced even in the church. I just feel like people screw up and marry the wrong individuals. Now do they have to remain alone forever? I'm not married and if I get married it's forever but what if it does not work? I don't see me remaining alone for the rest of myself I mean who knows but the average person would move on. We are living in very different times and certain things I just don't understand from the bible. If I met a man who's divorced due to his wife indiscretions and they share no children I would pray about but why should I walk away from that just because of the divorce, surely God looks at every situation differently no?


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## Farida (Dec 7, 2013)

Following God's will is very difficult. I believe like for most sins God forgives divorce. However, the fear or sorrow of being alone cannot and should not justify violating God's law.


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## Leigh (Dec 7, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> I was having a discussion with my friend about how the bible states if you divorce you can never marry again if you are saved. It would be considered adultery. So my question to him was basically say someone marries and that marriage was full of lies, abuse, cheating and they have no choice but to divorce but the catch is that they are still young maybe don't have kids. If that Christian person find love later and marries happily are they going to hell?   What if you as a single woman meets a great man and he is Christian but is divorced no children. Would you date him? Are you also committing  adultery?   I know what the bible says and we can't interpret things to make them work in our favor but I'm just wondering there are so many people who end up in bad marriages and divorce to think they going to hell if they remarry is scary.



  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV)

Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. (1 Corinthians 7:27 KJV)

And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9 KJV)


These are 2 lawful instances of divorce in scripture. There is only one case a believer can divorce and remarry and that is for adultery. In the case of a believer married to an unbeliever, the unbeliever can divorce. In both cases the believer is not bound by the law of marriage and are free to marry.

In the event a believer need to depart for any other reason they are to depart but remain unmarried.


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## kaykari (Dec 8, 2013)

If you divorce for another reason, and then repent...then what?


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 8, 2013)

kaykari said:


> If you divorce for another reason, and then repent...then what?



That was my question. According to my friend if you divorce and repent God forgives but you cannot remarry. If you remarry that is adultery and you would have to leave that new spouse to be forgiven.


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## Blessedwithabundance14 (Dec 8, 2013)

I agree with your friend. When you become married you enter into a covenant. The only way the covenant is broken is through death or adultery. IMO each person chose to go before God and witnesses and say I do and create a covenant with that person. So if someone does get divorced and is remarried they have committed adultery. The Bible is very clear in instructions and responsibilities of Christians and if we choose to be Christians we have to follow exactly what is says. We follow directions at work, highways, and laws, so why do we try to change what the Bible says?


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## Leigh (Dec 8, 2013)

ShawnC said:


> I agree with your friend. When you become married you enter into a covenant. The only way the covenant is broken is through death or adultery. IMO each person chose to go before God and witnesses and say I do and create a covenant with that person. So if someone does get divorced and is remarried they have committed adultery. The Bible is very clear in instructions and responsibilities of Christians and if we choose to be Christians we have to follow exactly what is says. We follow directions at work, highways, and laws, so why do we try to change what the Bible says?



It is also broken if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave.


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## Leigh (Dec 8, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> That was my question. According to my friend if you divorce and repent God forgives but you cannot remarry. If you remarry that is adultery and you would have to leave that new spouse to be forgiven.



Exactly. Unless the other spouse is an unbeliever and initiates the divorce.


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## Leigh (Dec 8, 2013)

kaykari said:


> If you divorce for another reason, and then repent...then what?



Try to reconcile with the spouse if possible.  Even in the case of adultery, God wants us to forgive. But because of the hardness of our hearts divorce is allowed.

I believe adultery can be forgiven.


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## Blessedwithabundance14 (Dec 8, 2013)

Leigh said:


> It is also broken if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave.



Why marry someone that you are not equally yoked to? If you are not in agreement spiritually, how can you have a healthy home? How will you raise your children to believe? The Bible states that two should be equally yoked. Why marry someone that you do not have a solid spiritual foundation with? It can work, but may be much more difficult.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 8, 2013)

ShawnC said:


> Why marry someone that you are not equally yoked to? If you are not in agreement spiritually, how can you have a healthy home? How will you raise your children to believe? The Bible states that two should be equally yoked. Why marry someone that you do not have a solid spiritual foundation with? It can work, but may be much more difficult.






This is not uncommon, women marry men who they are not equally yoked to all the time, particularly if they are approaching a certain age or they feel the pressure of society, family and friends.   I've known people brought up in The church and marry someone who does not believe in God , they are under a false perception that the men will change or that they can change the man.


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## Leigh (Dec 9, 2013)

ShawnC said:


> Why marry someone that you are not equally yoked to? If you are not in agreement spiritually, how can you have a healthy home? How will you raise your children to believe? The Bible states that two should be equally yoked. Why marry someone that you do not have a solid spiritual foundation with? It can work, but may be much more difficult.



Maybe they were in agreement spiritually. Maybe were equally yoked. It is quite possible that one accepted Christ after marriage.


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## Leigh (Dec 9, 2013)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> This is not uncommon, women marry men who they are not equally yoked to all the time, particularly if they are approaching a certain age or they feel the pressure of society, family and friends.   I've known people brought up in The church and marry someone who does not believe in God , they are under a false perception that the men will change or that they can change the man.



I've seen first hand the unbeliever change. By the believing spouse following scripture. 

  Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, (1 Peter 3:1 NIV)


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## Leigh (Dec 9, 2013)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> This is not uncommon, women marry men who they are not equally yoked to all the time, particularly if they are approaching a certain age or they feel the pressure of society, family and friends.   I've known people brought up in The church and marry someone who does not believe in God , they are under a false perception that the men will change or that they can change the man.


  And some truly love the unbeliever. I'm not talking about infatuation. Infatuation is a base for so many divorces. When those chemicals in the body wear off there is no substance or foundation to sustain the union.


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## Blessedwithabundance14 (Dec 10, 2013)

Leigh said:


> Maybe they were in agreement spiritually. Maybe were equally yoked. It is quite possible that one accepted Christ after marriage.



But why enter a marriage not being in agreement? It seems like a quick way to disagreements and divisiveness. How can you be in agreement and equally yoked if two do not believe the same spiritually? How can they go to church and fellowship as one? How can they pray together as one? If they need counseling whose church do they attend? Which church should the children go to? How can two spiritually mature together if they believe 2 different things? Not to say it will not work, but may be harder.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 10, 2013)

What about people married in a civil ceremony. I read God does not recognize that marriage, so if you divorce under those circumstances is that still considered a sin? Since the marriage was not recognized by God in the first place I assume the divorce is not.


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## Leigh (Dec 10, 2013)

ShawnC said:


> But why enter a marriage not being in agreement? It seems like a quick way to disagreements and divisiveness. How can you be in agreement and equally yoked if two do not believe the same spiritually? How can they go to church and fellowship as one? How can they pray together as one? If they need counseling whose church do they attend? Which church should the children go to? How can two spiritually mature together if they believe 2 different things? Not to say it will not work, but may be harder.



Who says they are not in agreement? My point is they are in agreement. Have you ever studied with someone who has a fabulous marriage of 15 years and upon understanding the Word decide to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior.  They were in agreement with their spouse for 15 years.   

I do not read anywhere in scripture that once one converts to Christianity they are to divorce their spouse.  We are to preach the gospel. That makes the likelihood of at least one person being converted a huge possibility.


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## Leigh (Dec 11, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> What about people married in a civil ceremony. I read God does not recognize that marriage, so if you divorce under those circumstances is that still considered a sin? Since the marriage was not recognized by God in the first place I assume the divorce is not.



Where did you read that? If you are married, you are married.


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## felic1 (Dec 11, 2013)

I became divorced in 1992. My ex-husband has remarried. I am very happy about him being remarried. I am also very happy not to be with him any more. I had extensive biblical grounds for divorce. We are both believers now. So we say. We are not reconciling under any circumstances. Yay!! I am free to remarry. Yay!! Yay!!


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## Kinkyhairlady (Dec 11, 2013)

Leigh said:


> Where did you read that? If you are married, you are married.



The bible states that the union is only recognized by God when it is done by an ordained person of God. Any civil ceremony would not be recognized by God.


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## JaneBond007 (Dec 11, 2013)

^^^If your religious institution doesn't recognize a civil marriage, then anyone belonging to that faith getting one will not be recognized.  G-d recognizes marriage all across the globe.


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## Nice & Wavy (Dec 11, 2013)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> The bible states that the union is only recognized by God when it is done by an ordained person of God. Any civil ceremony would not be recognized by God.


Hi  Kinkyhairlady 

Where is this in the bible?  Thanks in advance.


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## Blackpearl1993 (Dec 11, 2013)

Leigh said:


> Maybe they were in agreement spiritually. Maybe were equally yoked. *It is quite possible that one accepted Christ after marriage.*




This does sometimes happen, but the Word tells us not to enter into marriage with an unbeliever in the first place.


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## Leigh (Dec 11, 2013)

Blackpearl1993 said:


> This does sometimes happen, but the Word tells us not to enter into marriage with an unbeliever in the first place.



Not everyone who gets married is a believer.  There are so many times when one person accepts the gospel after being married for a number of years and the other doesn't.

Thankfully This is addressed in the scriptures. Now, there is scripture instructing the believer to remain with the unbeliever and to win them over with a good countenance.  That is unless the unbeliever decides to leave.


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## Leigh (Dec 11, 2013)

Blackpearl1993 said:


> This does sometimes happen, but the Word tells us not to enter into marriage with an unbeliever in the first place.



Ok, I get what you're saying. That's not what I meant.  What I am saying is that it is possible that two unbelievers married each other.  And later, after the marriage one accepted the gospel.  

For a second I was like what are they talking about. Everyone isn't a Christian. And some people convert when the other spouse doesn't. Obviously this was recognized as an occurrence for it to be in scripture.  But you guys were focused on a believer marrying a unbeliever and how they shouldn't do it.

That's not what that scripture is about. Irrespective of how they came to be a believer/unbeliever union, the scripture is about how they are to conduct themselves regarding divorce.

While, the believer is to allow the unbeliever to leave, they are also instructed to behave a certain way in order to win the non believing spouse over without words.


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## Laela (Dec 11, 2013)

Being unequally yolked isn't limited to marriage..but the prescription against being unequally yolked is based on the premise that person is already a Believer; if an unsaved couple marries and one gets saved later, I don't believe them to be unequally yolked

1 Corinthians 7:14
 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

The unsaved spouse is covered, unless they flat out rejects God and want to have nothing to do with Him or the newly saved spouse. Divorce is imminent, and they're on their own after that.




Leigh said:


> Ok, I get what you're saying. That's not what I meant.  What I am saying is that it is possible that two unbelievers married each other.  And later, after the marriage one accepted the gospel.
> 
> For a second I was like what are they talking about. Everyone isn't a Christian. And some people convert when the other spouse doesn't. Obviously this was recognized as an occurrence for it to be in scripture.  But you guys were focused on a believer marrying a unbeliever and how they shouldn't do it.
> 
> ...


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## Leigh (Dec 12, 2013)

Laela said:


> Being unequally yolked isn't limited to marriage..but the prescription against being unequally yolked is based on the premise that person is already a Believer; if an unsaved couple marries and one gets saved later, I don't believe them to be unequally yolked
> 
> 1 Corinthians 7:14
> For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
> ...



Divorce isn't imminent. I've seen that happen and they lived together for over 20 years after the conversion. The unbeliever (at a ripe age) converted. I've seen this with parent child as well. One lady told me that she treated her children horribly for years but they were consistent in being Christlike with her. She eventually accepted the gospel.

Again, in the passage I shared the focus was on the rules about a divorce between a unbeliever and a believer.  

The focus is not whether they should be married or not nor is it on whether they are equally or unequally yoked. 

It's simply, this is the state you're in, this is what you can do about it, and no you  aren't bound to the unbeliever in this situation and therefore can go marry somebody else. Boom. That's it.


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## Kurlee (Dec 12, 2013)

what if someone is being abused?


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## Leigh (Dec 12, 2013)

Kurlee said:


> what if someone is being abused?




They can leave but remain unmarried.


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