# How he feels about my hair ...



## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Hey ladies! I have been trying to get my BF to talk about how he feels about my hair for the longest! Well i finally got him to and i wrote a blog post about it. I just thought i would share it with you guys 

How My Man Feels About Natural Hair… 

*****UPDATE*****
So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway *here is his response.....*

How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

dont attack him please..lol


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## Etherealsmile (Feb 17, 2011)

If you don't want him attacked then you should never have posted this OP. I'm sorry


When i'm with a man, he needs to accept all of me....naps and all. If not he needs to git because i don't play that. I've come too far in terms of accepting myself to have some man tell me he prefers silky straight hair to the hair God blessed me with.


what the rass??


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Etherealsmile26 said:


> If you don't want him attacked then you should never have posted this OP. I'm sorry
> 
> 
> When i'm with a man, he needs to accept all of me....naps and all. If not he needs to git because i don't play that. I've come too far in terms of accepting myself to have some man tell me he prefers silky straight hair to the hair God blessed me with.
> ...



No it was honest. And i really don't feel like he HAS to be attacked because i posted it. And honestly if i was really afraid of it, i wouldnt have posted it on my blog at all

All im saying is that one can state their opinion without being nasty about it 

But to each his own b/c i feel like even though he doesn't like it, he still loves me enough to try and attempt to like at least some of the styles i wear. 

And actions speak louder than words cuz his hands (despite what he says) stays in it


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## LuvlyRain3 (Feb 17, 2011)

Well honest questions deserve honest answers. I don't knock men for their visual preferences. As long as he's not trying to get you to do something to your hair that you don't want to do then I don't see the problem. Just because a man might love you doesn't mean he loves everything about your look. He might not be a natural hair advocate but so what. Plus there was some truth to some of the things he said.


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## MsBoinglicious (Feb 17, 2011)

"Daniel: *well to be fair i havent seen it straight straight just bushy straight*" 

"Daniel:*you cant be mad about it, Afro American women started it, yall been frying n perming yall hair since slavery ended*, now a couple hundred years later a few decide they wanna go back to the “natural” look and you expect men to just up and change the preference we’ve been conditioned to love just because yall all Pro-Black c’mon son"  lol 

"Daniel: yall do all that stuff to ur hair to attract men then dont want em to touch it… *betcha Su-yen or Diana let their men run all up and through their hair*" 

*shakes head* You got your hands full huh?


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

boingboing said:


> "Daniel: *well to be fair i havent seen it straight straight just bushy straight*"
> 
> "Daniel:*you cant be mad about it, Afro American women started it, yall been frying n perming yall hair since slavery ended*, now a couple hundred years later a few decide they wanna go back to the “natural” look and you expect men to just up and change the preference we’ve been conditioned to love just because yall all Pro-Black c’mon son"  lol
> 
> ...


 yes girl i do..


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## **SaSSy** (Feb 17, 2011)

Um, I miss the old LHCF...but anyway

Why are you giving a disclaimer? If you don't want people to give their honest opinion on what you posted why even mention it. This is forum, and where you posted the interview is a public blog. You could have shared this with family and friends if you're so sensitive. 

The interview is okay. He's coming off very aloof and it's like your forcing him to give his view on a subject you can clearly read he doesn't want to talk about. If he likes your hair, but says one thing it's not that serious to think other wise. People say and do things they don't mean all the time.

Thanks for sharing!


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## Aviah (Feb 17, 2011)

I personally have no words, but just know that though he has his right to an opinion, so does the forum. This may not go well!


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## tapioca_pudding (Feb 17, 2011)

Why are we so hell bent on men loving our natural hair?  I never understood the 'my man betta love my naps' statement.  Men are allowed to have a preference too, or did I miss something?

So he likes straight hair.  Most men do.  What's next?


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

**SaSSy** said:


> Um, I miss the old LHCF...but anyway
> 
> *Why are you giving a disclaimer? If you don't want people to give their honest opinion on what you posted why even mention it. This is forum, and where you posted the interview is a public blog. You could have shared this with family and friends if you're so sensitive. *
> 
> ...



Who's giving a disclaimer? Cuz i asked yall not to attack him? U can be honest without coming off nasty and i never said people couldn't give their opinion about it. i been on this forum long enough to know how people can get around here so im not stopping anyone from talkn about it.

If he didn't wanna do it, trust me, he wouldn't have said anything at all.

But thanks for your input!


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## Aviah (Feb 17, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> Why are we so hell bent on men loving our natural hair?  I never understood the 'my man betta love my naps' statement.  Men are allowed to have a preference too, or did I miss something?
> 
> So he likes straight hair.  Most men do.  What's next?



I'd guess its a simple as wanting to be beautiful to our men. Being on a hair forum, you can tell hair is important to us, so logically, its something we would want them to love, especially where natural hair may be regarded as not being beautiful IRL, some support at 'home' helps.


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## EssenceOfBeauty (Feb 17, 2011)

I had a hard time reading it so I didn't get to finish it. However, I DID read the quotes from one of the ladies. He is very honest and THAT is admirable


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## Lucie (Feb 17, 2011)

Why would you share this? I am really tired of hearing about black men with less-than-nice comments about OUR natural hair. Personally, I don't deal with men that don't love my hair in its natural state. This article was a a major turn off.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Aviah said:


> I'd guess its a simple as wanting to be beautiful to our men. Being on a hair forum, you can tell hair is important to us, so logically, its something we would want them to love, especially where natural hair may be disregarded as not being beautiful IRL, some support at 'home' helps.



I think he definitely hit the nail on the head. I wouldnt even say its all men, i would just say the man your with. I could care less if other men liked my hair or not


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## tapioca_pudding (Feb 17, 2011)

Aviah said:


> I'd guess its a simple as wanting to be beautiful to our men. Being on a hair forum, you can tell hair is important to us, so logically,* its something we would want them to love*, especially where natural hair may be disregarded as not being beautiful IRL, some support at 'home' helps.



I get this, 100%.  I get us *wanting* them to love it, because it's important to us and because _we_ love it.  But if they don't love it...... then they get attacked?  I guess that's where I get lost.  

I guess I just look at it as preference, same as weight/height/skin tone/features.  You like what you like.


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## lux10023 (Feb 17, 2011)

very wll said!!!


i dont think anyone is being nasty in this thread--what i do think is ppl are giving an honest reaction to dudes POV

i do think its odd that a man cant run his fingers through his girls/wifes hair...and with his POV he wouldnt be my man..yes love me and all of me..you want silky holla at the next..mmmkay
my honest 2 cents...

the ladies of LHCF are a very honest crowd...know your audience





Etherealsmile26 said:


> If you don't want him attacked then you should never have posted this OP. I'm sorry
> 
> 
> When i'm with a man, he needs to accept all of me....naps and all. If not he needs to git because i don't play that. I've come too far in terms of accepting myself to have some man tell me he prefers silky straight hair to the hair God blessed me with.
> ...


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## Lucie (Feb 17, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> *Why are we so hell bent on men loving our natural hair?*  I never understood the 'my man betta love my naps' statement. Men are allowed to have a preference too, or did I miss something?
> 
> So he likes straight hair. Most men do. What's next?


 
Because it's how we're created. No one is born with a relaxer. So if you can't love me as I am then we have a problem.



MsLizziA said:


> *Who's giving a disclaimer?* Cuz i asked yall not to attack him? U can be honest without coming off nasty and i never said people couldn't give their opinion about it. i been on this forum long enough to know how people can get around here so im not stopping anyone from talkn about it.
> 
> If he didn't wanna do it, trust me, he wouldn't have said anything at all.
> 
> But thanks for your input!


 
You are. And since you decided to give a disclaimer you had to be ready for all sorts of opinions. I agree that no one should attack him but this is a sore topic for many, and your BF has only added fuel to the fire.


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## Tamrin (Feb 17, 2011)

You have to be ready for the responses on the forum. You cannot expect everyone to find it cute. Personally it is offensive. If you cannot love my hair then there is a problem.  I think for him to go look for asian hair pics is even more offensive.

This thread is a reminder of: "When keeping it real goes wrong."


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Lucie said:


> Because it's how we're created. No one is born with a relaxer. So if you can't love me as I am then we have a problem.
> 
> 
> 
> You are. And since you decided to give a disclaimer you had to be ready for all sorts of opinions. I agree that no one should attack him but this is a sore topic for many, and your BF has only added fuel to the fire.





Tamrin said:


> You have to be ready for the responses on the forum. You cannot expect everyone to find it cute.



1st of all, no one has to come in here and state the obvious, I KNOW how things get around here and im ready for it, otherwise i wouldnt have posted it. 

2nd i NEVER SAID no one can speak honestly, this is LHCF , that's what we do here. All i said was don't attack him, that's it. I never said, don't speak your mind. If i didn't want anyone's opinion , i wouldnt have posted it.

Im happy he did it because i wanted to see what he would say about it. Your views and opinions are your own, im not knockin anybody in this thread for it.


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## tapioca_pudding (Feb 17, 2011)

Lucie said:


> Because it's how we're created. No one is born with a relaxer. So if you can't love me as I am then we have a problem.



A relaxer isn't the only way to achieve straight hair, we already know that.  To ME, straightening the hair is just a different styling option.  

Maybe I just don't take it as deep.  To me it's simply preference, it's not about loving me as I am.  He apparently loves her, he'd just like to see her hair styled a different way. 

ETA - I see where this thread is going.  Welp, time to go....


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## Lucie (Feb 17, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> 1st of all, no one has to come in here and state the obvious, I KNOW how things get around here and im ready for it, otherwise i wouldnt have posted it.
> 
> 2nd i NEVER SAID no one can speak honestly, this is LHCF , that's what we do here. All i said was don't attack him, that's it. I never said, don't speak your mind. If i didn't want anyone's opinion , i wouldnt have posted it.
> 
> Im happy he did it because i wanted to see what he would say about it. Your views and opinions are your own, im not knockin anybody in this thread for it.


 
But if you know all of this, why share? We already know what the general consensus is. Why keep pouring salt on the wound? I am sick and damn tired of receiving my daily dosage of what is wrong with black women! Ironically, he has the very same hair he has issues with. So...............


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## DirtyJerzeyGirly (Feb 17, 2011)

He sounds like my brother. and my nephew, and my friends' bf...wow he sounds like quite a few black men I know.....

Different strokes for different folks. He has a type that he likes.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Lucie said:


> But if you know all of this, why share? We already know what the general consensus is. Why keep pouring salt on the wound? I am sick and damn tired of receiving my daily dosage of what is wrong with black women! Ironically, he has the very same hair he has issues with. So...............



Ok so im convinced that you just feel offended and this his who your taking it. Nobody said anything about something being "wrong" with black women. It just how he feels about HAIR. 

I think maybe your looking a little to deep into this. He is still with me and accepts it so apparently, its not a deal breaker. I don't need him to "love" it, i do that just fine by myself.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> A relaxer isn't the only way to achieve straight hair, we already know that.  To ME, straightening the hair is just a different styling option.
> 
> Maybe I just don't take it as deep.  To me it's simply preference, it's not about loving me as I am.  He apparently loves her, he'd just like to see her hair styled a different way.
> 
> ETA - I see where this thread is going.  Welp, time to go....



tapioca_pudding


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## **SaSSy** (Feb 17, 2011)

Tamrin said:


> You have to be ready for the responses on the  forum. You cannot expect everyone to find it cute. Personally it is  offensive. If you cannot love my hair then there is a problem. * I think for him to go look for asian hair pics is even more  offensive.*
> 
> This thread is a reminder of: "When keeping it real goes wrong."



Oh yea I forgot he said that part, and he also said:

Her: i let you touch my hair
Him: when u get it how that woman has hers i bet that stry’ll change
Him: story’ll
Her: lol that’s not true
Her: i let u touch it now!
Her: its not gonna change just cuz i got better at straightening  it
*Him: n u DONT let me touch it when its styled, only when its in those  transition stages* 
Her: u never ask when its styled
Him: cuz i know better


I feel you're trying to express a non-partisan discussion  on here, but he's not looking too hot on a mostly black, hair-board taking about looking at Asian hair pictures and you're not letting him touch your hair.

I do think he like/love you and your hair though, but his opinions are just a little touchy


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## gcchick_07 (Feb 17, 2011)

does he normally date asian women?

if their photo is the one he goes to of hair he prefers?

i mean, if he has a preference...why not get the real authentic thing.

that's like saying you prefer asian women but only if they have a blonde fro. 

oh well. i'm not dating him.

but i don't date men who are constantly thinking about how much better i could look if...


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

gcchick_07 said:


> does he normally date asian women?
> 
> if their photo is the one he goes to of hair he prefers?
> 
> ...



LOL! No he doesnt date asian women, he's referring to the texture of their hair. He is talkin about the straight and sleek look. He doesnt actually WANT an asian chick.

I thought the statement was funny but i guess b/c that's the sense of humor i have.


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## mjsliberiangrl (Feb 17, 2011)

Honest interview but, to me he didn't really express much of an opinion or if he did, it was hard to really understand because of the typing style? Was that over Skype? LOL

I began dating my SO while transitioning and have been wearing wigs for the duration of the relationship. As for my natural hair, he loves it because I love it but, I'm sure he has his preferences, as do I. I prefer his facial hair clean shaven with a goatee over the scruffy look with a beard.             

As for your blog post interview, I think its just the style and verbiage that he used to express his preference is what will have readers turned off by it, more than anything.


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## Britt (Feb 17, 2011)

Darn, I can't view the blog from work. 

OP, having read the replies, you prob should not have posted it. This board will tear you apart for messing w/ a man that does not embrace all of your naturalness. Men are visual creatures and many of them are still into the 'good' hair mind set so they may not care too much for natural hair that is not curly  . Funny, this morning I spoke to my friend about me possibly going natural, I emailed my gf the convo he and I had and she thought it was funny and cute. To say the least, he's not thrilled in the least bit seeing me w/a twa   . He'd love me regardless, but he's quite clear that he likes LONG hair. He might be more open to me being natural if my natural hair was prob like shoulder length or something. I remember one time I was on a hair forum, and he looked over my shoulder and a woman with 4a hair had a beautiful twist out and he goes "oh, her hair looks nice." I don't think it registered to him that she was natural, he just saw her hair and liked it. It's all visualization for them.


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## 1QTPie (Feb 17, 2011)

Is it possible to post the text?  Or is it a video?  Your site was blocked by my job for some reason.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Brittster
1QTPie 

I will post it for you guys.. hold on


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Brittster
1QTPie 
 here ya go:
Daniel: u dont want me to write no post bout natural hair
Elizabeth: lol
Elizabeth: ya uuhuh
Daniel: its gon be short n sweet
Elizabeth: topic?
Daniel: Per dat krinkly shyt!!! The End. p.s. this message was approved by the owner of StrawberriCurls
Daniel: Perm
Elizabeth: hol up
Elizabeth: i thought u had converted over
Elizabeth: i thought u liked my hair now?
Daniel: i like a few of ur hairstyles and i make not like what a perm does to women hair but that silky straight hair has my heart, Sawwy
Elizabeth: yo heart?
Elizabeth: lol!
Elizabeth: u cant be serious
Daniel: 

Elizabeth: dude i have straightened my hair many times at the end of last year
Elizabeth: its a work n progress.. i get better n better each time i do it
Elizabeth: n my hair now looks wwwwwaaayyy better than it ever did when it was permed
Elizabeth: but no seriously, you want to do a small post for me on how your views have changed about my hair since it grew out? u ca be completely honest
Daniel: nah not really
Elizabeth: 
Daniel: n my views on hair arent directed at u
Daniel: i just like the silky hair
Elizabeth: well im not saying they are but im just basing it on the fact that i am the only chick u have had to deal with directly as far as hair is concerned
Elizabeth: and lets be honest, u dont act half as bad as u did when i first cut it all off
Daniel: i didnt like the “natural” look way before i started talking to u
Elizabeth: ok, has your views changed on it any at all since i have been on my hair journey
Elizabeth: n dont laugh at that
Daniel: only that i see a few natural hair styles i like
Daniel: u could actually use this conversation as ur article since u interrogating me
Elizabeth: lol.. im not interrogatting u
Elizabeth: well hell since we already talm bout it
Elizabeth: Did you know natural hair was as versatile as it is?
Daniel: nope, but with that being said i dont like majority of the “versatile” styles
Elizabeth: Name some styles you like
Elizabeth: besides the ones i already know
Daniel: i dont know any ones besides the ones u know, YOU introduced me to them, remember, I damn sure dont sit there and study natural hair
Elizabeth: lol.. ok the one i had the other night at the party was a bantu knot out
Elizabeth: u said u liked that one
Daniel: i wont remember that
Elizabeth: ok
Elizabeth: lol
Elizabeth: thats fine
Elizabeth: i know u like the straight look right
Elizabeth: right thats established
Daniel: well to be fair i havent seen it straight straight just bushy straight
Elizabeth: ~gasp~ bushy straight?
Elizabeth: how straight u lookn for it to be buddy
Elizabeth: ?
Daniel: -looks for Asian hair pics-
Elizabeth: I KNEW THAS WHAT U WERE DOING!
Elizabeth: I KNEW IT!
Elizabeth: i was just sittn here thinkin “this boy bout to send me a link of some asain silky hair”
Elizabeth: so thas not straight enough for you?
Daniel: i mean its cool, but my preference is straighter
Elizabeth: |-(
Elizabeth: u want this straight YouTube - The New Year's Eve Bun Drop: Reniece's Flat-ironed, Natural hair
Elizabeth: that i aint learned how to do yet
Daniel: you cant be mad about it, Afro American women started it, yall been frying n perming yall hair since slavery ended, now a couple hundred years later a few decide they wanna go back to the “natural” look and you expect men to just up and change the preference we’ve been conditioned to love just because yall all Pro-Black c’mon son
Daniel: now that’s some hair!
Elizabeth: i know right
Elizabeth: ..i feel kinda played though
Elizabeth: cuz that wasn’t ur reaction to mine
Daniel: bet she dont let her man put his hands on it tho
Elizabeth: but yea she’s natural
Daniel: smh @ Black women
Elizabeth: LMAO
Elizabeth: u just made that assumption!!
Elizabeth: u dont know that!
Daniel: assumption made on history
Daniel: yall do all that stuff to ur hair to attract men then dont want em to touch it… betcha Su-yen or Diana let their men run all up and through their hair
Elizabeth: lol!!
Daniel: but i support the “Natural” movement maybe my grandsons will have it as their preference but as for grandpappy its ((emo)) all day
Elizabeth: i let you touch my hair
Daniel: when u get it how that woman has hers i bet that stry’ll change
Daniel: story’ll
Elizabeth: lol that’s not true
Elizabeth: i let u touch it now!
Elizabeth: its not gonna change just cuz i got better at straightening it
Daniel: n u DONT let me touch it when its styled, only when its in those transition stages
Elizabeth: u never ask when its styled
Daniel: cuz i know better
Elizabeth: lol! but if u never tried then.. how would you know
Daniel: u’ve told me dont touch a few times
Elizabeth: i have no memory of that
Daniel: i bet u dont |-(


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## EssenceOfBeauty (Feb 17, 2011)

mjsliberiangrl said:


> Honest interview but, to me he didn't really express much of an opinion or if he did, *it was hard to really understand because of the typing style?* Was that over Skype? LOL
> 
> I began dating my SO while transitioning and have been wearing wigs for the duration of the relationship. As for my natural hair, he loves it because I love it but, I'm sure he has his preferences, as do I. I prefer his facial hair clean shaven with a goatee over the scruffy look with a beard.
> 
> As for your blog post interview, I think its just the style and verbiage that he used to express his preference is what will have readers turned off by it, more than anything.


That is what made it hard for me to read.


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## Freespirit02 (Feb 17, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> LOL! No he doesnt date asian women, he's referring to the texture of their hair. He is talkin about the straight and sleek look. He doesnt actually WANT an asian chick.
> 
> I thought the statement was funny but i guess b/c that's the sense of humor i have.




I can't really name a black woman who can achieve the asian straight hair..well without buying it. If he said the texture like when Hispanic women straighten their hair..then MAYBE. But ASIAN..lol. Shot most white women can't get their hair that straight. That's going to be a challenge..good luck with that!


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

loveurself84 said:


> I can't really name a black woman who can achieve the asian straight hair..well without buying it. If he said the texture like when Hispanic women straighten their hair..then MAYBE. But ASIAN..lol. Shot most white women can't get their hair that straight. That's going to be a challenge..good luck with that!



But im not goin try tho


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## prettyinpurple (Feb 17, 2011)

This was my fav line LOL


> Daniel: nope, but with that being said i dont like majority of the “versatile” styles



I think this could be an interesting and honest discussion.  It's about more than him liking natural hair -- he is also adapting to a big change in your appearance from when you first got together.

I think we can allow black men to be honest about how they feel when a gf decides to go natural.  After all, he met her with straight hair and prefers straight hair.  IME it's pretty obvious when a man prefers straight hair.  So no, he's not gonna jump for joy when you go natural and don't straighten often.  But he can be supportive and appreciate your new journey.  Just as you should if he decides to switch up his appearance too.

I don't hate on men who dislike hair worn in its natural state.  I hate on men who have this preference and think they convince me to wear straight styles.  I prefer to wear my hair curly.


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## Freespirit02 (Feb 17, 2011)

Okay anyway. This is not my man..and if it was..I think there would of been some furniture moving after the convo..(yeah I go hard..lol). If you can deal with his mentality..then that's great for you. PERSONALLY, I don't think he will ever like your hair..and he will be "longing" for the Asian look. 
My man encouraged me to go natural..and even takes pictures of "puffs" when he sees them. Yes he was a little pissed when I bced so early..but now that it has grown out..he keeps telling everyone his wife is natural..lol. 
Girl just do what you gotta do..like I said, that your man.


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## Solitude (Feb 17, 2011)

I think it's good that you and he have open, honest communication. All men, not just black men, have preferences. 

I think he had a very good point about men (black men) being conditioned to find one look attractive for many years and then suddenly being expected to change...very true.


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## Freespirit02 (Feb 17, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> But im not goin try tho




Girl you better not! Don't be bald girlfriend..DON'T BE BALD..lol! I think your hair is beautiful..it's what I'm aiming for. Don't worry..you can't win them all!


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

loveurself84 said:


> Girl you better not! Don't be bald girlfriend..DON'T BE BALD..lol! I think your hair is beautiful..it's what I'm aiming for. Don't worry..you can't win them all!



I know that's real!  He just gonna have to take that Yaki straight LOL!!


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## LongLeggedLife (Feb 17, 2011)

That would turn me off entirely, I prefer more of a thinker...who is hopefully more in touch with 'black issues'.  The asian thing.....just sad really.

I agree with his point about women being so weird about their own hair that now men dont know what to think about it though.


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## Mai Tai (Feb 17, 2011)

OP...I reall want to read your blog post so that I may form my own opinion, but seriously...You need to rewrite it!

All of that text message lingo got my head swimming and caused me to instantly bounce away from your post. If I found your site from simple internet searching, I would never visit it again due to the typos and general bad grammar...

It's kind of hard to effectively get your point across when no one can even understand what the heck you all are talking about...


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Mai Tai said:


> OP...I reall want to read your blog post so that I may form my own opinion, but seriously...You need to rewrite it!
> 
> All of that text message lingo got my head swimming and caused me to instantly bounce away from your post. If I found your site from simple internet searching, I would never visit it again due to the typos and general bad grammar...
> 
> It's kind of hard to effectively get your point across when no one can even understand what the heck you all are talking about...



I edited very few things.. i just basically copied and pasted it


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## Mai Tai (Feb 17, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> I edited very few things.. i just basically copied and pasted it


 
Regardless...I think it should be fixed so that you, as a blogger, can properly convey the whole point of your blog post. What's the point of posting it when no one can comprehend it?  Regular English will suffice...


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## LovinLea (Feb 17, 2011)

Mai Tai said:


> Regardless...I think it should be fixed so that you, as a blogger, can properly convey the whole point of your blog post. What's the point of posting it when no one can comprehend it? Regular English will suffice...


 
I could. I would think that anyone who texts/instant messages in this day and age could understand it.


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## ~~HoneyComb~~ (Feb 17, 2011)

LovinLea said:


> I could. I would think that anyone who texts/instant messages in this day and age could understand it.


 
I don't text like that so that may be why I had a hard time with the conversation.

I don't understand tweets either, so I don't read them.


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## LovinLea (Feb 17, 2011)

You guys have been together 5  years and you have been natural for 2 of them so I don't think his preference is going to change. Since I'm natural, whoever I'm with is going to have to like natural hair because that's how he will meet me. 

His opinion doesn't offend me. I may not like hearing it, but it still is what it is. I don't like men with long hair; I prefer it to be cut close. We all have our preferences. :/


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## Mai Tai (Feb 17, 2011)

LovinLea said:


> I could. I would think that anyone who texts/instant messages in this day and age could understand it.


 
I understand your point, but this is a conversation turned into a blog post. Reading text lingo (one text at a time) is different then reading a whole page of it all at once.


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## 1QTPie (Feb 17, 2011)

Ok.  I read it and understood. He's a comedian right? 

I could tell that he was on joke time.  I'm not offended, he likes what he likes, but he ain't kicking you out of bed over your hair. And I'm sure that if he decided to grow locs or cornrows or perm his hair that you will give him the same respect, but you don't have to like it.

I get that.  

Would it bother me? Yes and no.   I deal with a man right now (off and on, long distance) that loves my hair straight, but I had no idea until the first time I straightened my hair super straight. (We've known each other for years, as we were classmates in high school, he's seen my hair in all of it's stages.)  He out of the blue said, "oh, you're doing your white girl thing, I like it."  

Picture me shocked.  Then picture me amused, disgusted and amused again. White girl thing huh? hmmm... _*side-eye*_

I let him have that moment.

Why? Because I know him.  I knew what he meant, and yes, he meant it like he said it, but he wasn't being malicious or telling me that he doesn't like me for me.  He's just ignorant like that some times.  This man has lived in every corner of the world, he has spent significant time in 49 of the 50 states, but when it comes to hair, skin color etc, he's still stuck.  It's ok though. I consider myself an educator.  I will not (or try not lol) to put people I care about down for not knowing any better.  

The day I washed my hair, and returned it back to it's normal state, he said, "I guess that's it huh?"  I said, "yep."

Then later, when we were having one of our many _chop-it up_ sessions, I told him how I felt about the African diaspora and how our migration (by choice and not by choice) and colonialism, slavery, et al. skewed our views about ourselves physically, spiritually and overall, mentally.   

He knew, by the end of our conversation, that my hair is important and serious business for me.  (He has locs)  That "white girl" jokes are not ok in front of me.  Good hair/bad hair conversations are of no interest.  That I view my hair as divine and beautiful they way it is.

But it's not the same for him.  He UNDERSTANDS, he knows that his statement was ridiculous, but I can't change how he feels, only he can.  I'm not in the position to do more than _myself_.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

1QTPie said:


> Ok.  I read it and understood. *He's a comedian right? *
> 
> I could tell that he was on joke time.  I'm not offended, he likes what he likes, but he ain't kicking you out of bed over your hair. And I'm sure that if he decided to grow locs or cornrows or perm his hair that you will give him the same respect, but you don't have to like it.
> 
> ...





This is how i feel.. he doesn't have to love it, but he accepts it because he knows it isn't going anywhere... he still supports me though so his comments aren't hilarious to me now.

Im not gonna lie, i used to try and force him to like it but i don't anymore. He accepts it even though he doesnt care for it so y can't i show him the same respect?


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## -PYT (Feb 17, 2011)

I was hoping this was a thread to come in and share what our guys love about our hair


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## Rei (Feb 17, 2011)

The bushy straight thing actually had me laughing because I had been urging my bf to grow his hair out for a while, and finally he got tired of me asking (I guess) and said "I'll grow my hair out if you straighten yours. i dont think i've ever seen it straightened before"

mind you I have straighted my hair many times beforehand but I admit my technique isn't that great so most of the time it comes out more kinky straight. I didn't even know what to say to that, lol. 

I think he has a point in terms of men being conditioned to find one thing attractive and then all of a sudden change their mind, but I still found his attitude kind of sad. Him going to find pictures of asian hair was THE saddest moment of that conversation. So he wants a girl with a weave then? 'cuz that's the only way I see that happening...


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## natural_one (Feb 17, 2011)

I guess I am not sure what your intentions were for posting this? This is the feeling of most black men, so why post a convoluted text convo expressing the same negative opinion? #confused


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Rei No actually he HATES weaves and wigs.. he hates when i wear them at all.  I mean i wasn't offended by it, i thought it was funny.. i guess cuz i know him.

natural_one lol.. there was no "aim" for this post. I stated on my blog that i had BEEN trying to get him to do an interview about it for me because i wanted to hear what he had to say. He's not speaking for all men, just himself


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## babyu21 (Feb 17, 2011)

So a man has to LOVE everything single thing about you or it's a wrap??? Well I don't like facial hair but if he wanted to grow it out I could live with it. With some of the woman here on this board I understand why they have issues involving men, unrealistic expectations to say the least. What if you decide to get a relaxer in a year, you just change your mind like we are known to do, then he has to LOVE that too?? SMH


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

babyu21 said:


> So a man has to LOVE everything single thing about you or it's a wrap??? Well I don't like facial hair but if he wanted to grow it out I could live with it. With some of the woman here on this board I understand why they have issues involving men, unrealistic expectations to say the least. What if you decide to get a relaxer in a year, you just change your mind like we are known to do, then he has to LOVE that too?? SMH



babyu21 ~ducks and cover~  girl don't come up in here tellin the truth!!


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## snillohsss (Feb 17, 2011)

I don't really know what to say OP.  Since the post is for opinions/discussions, my opinion is it doesn't look good.  Dude goes looking for asian women for pictures of beauty?   This is just your 2nd year natural?  

Good luck with that.


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## NaijaTroll (Feb 17, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> A relaxer isn't the only way to achieve straight hair, we already know that.  To ME, straightening the hair is just a different styling option.
> 
> Maybe I just don't take it as deep.  To me it's simply preference, it's not about loving me as I am.  He apparently loves her, he'd just like to see her hair styled a different way.
> 
> ETA - I see where this thread is going.  Welp, time to go....



You did well. Now run for your life.


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## Britt (Feb 17, 2011)

MsLizziA I think it was funny... 
very honest of him.


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## Embyra (Feb 17, 2011)




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## Glamiam (Feb 17, 2011)

y'all are so sensitive I swear


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## ms-gg (Feb 17, 2011)

My issue is that this just feeds into that warped thinking that so many of our people have of our natural hair, both men and women.  They think it is ugly, homely, unattractive, juvenile, and insert any other bad thing that has been said about natural hair.  To some people yes, hair is not that deep, but in my opinion it is a small piece of an even bigger problem of how we have been taught over hundreds of years to view ourselves.  

Why do so many black men/women dislike their/our natural hair?  Is it really just as simple as a preference or is it much deeper than that?  Is it not in some way conditioning overtime?  How much of it a personal choice to like straight hair over nappy hair rather than something that has been unconsciously programmed overtime? Clark's doll test anyone?


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## Crystalicequeen123 (Feb 17, 2011)

Ummmmm.....    

Yeeeeeaah... Okay, I was totally expecting a different type of "interview" when I clicked in this thread.   




Lucie said:


> Why would you share this? I am really tired of hearing about black men with less-than-nice comments about OUR natural hair. *Personally, I don't deal with men that don't love my hair in its natural state. This article was a a major turn off*.



I'm sorry OP, but I have to agree.  To tell you the truth, I don't expect ALL men to like my hair in it's natural state.  I really don't. I just don't entertain men that don't/can't accept me (THE REAL ME) as I am completely.  I just don't waste my time with them, and I certainly wouldn't be dating them.   

Honestly, it wasn't just the fact that he doesn't like "natural" hair that bothered me.    Men are allowed to have their preferences afterall.  And besides, he likes "natural" Asian women's hair, so being NATURAL isn't the problem. What bothered me most was the fact that he stated how he only liked *STRAIGHT *hair. 

It was pretty evident that he only liked straight hair, and not just ANY straight hair...Asian straight hair!  Their hair is straighter than white people's hair! lol   

Idk...the whole interview and his comments seemed a little more like a guy FRIEND talking to his gal pal, and not like a BOYFRIEND talking to his girlfriend of 5 years.  5 years you guys have been together??  

Idk....I know you can't tell everything (tone of voice, deeper meaning, intentions, etc) through a computer screen, but the vibe of his responses and the whole interview in general just didn't seem right. I got a bad vibe from it all.  Sorry...


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## theLovelyStyle (Feb 17, 2011)

Subbbb!! To read later. Good stuff


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## Rei (Feb 17, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @Rei No actually he HATES weaves and wigs.. he hates when i wear them at all.  I mean i wasn't offended by it, i thought it was funny.. i guess cuz i know him.
> 
> @natural_one lol.. there was no "aim" for this post. I stated on my blog that i had BEEN trying to get him to do an interview about it for me because i wanted to hear what he had to say. He's not speaking for all men, just himself



so he doesn't want an asian girl and he doesn't like weaves, but he wants a black girl with asian hair? good luck with that homeboy


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## qchelle (Feb 17, 2011)

Rei said:


> so he doesn't want an asian girl and he doesn't like weaves, but he wants a black girl with asian hair? good luck with that homeboy



Right!  This is another common sentiment amongst black men.  They hate our natural, they hate weaves, they hate the fact that right after a relaxer our hair can't get wet, they hate the fact a few weeks after a relaxer our hair's nappy again  Soooo anything that our hair does AT ALL...you just hate?  Negro please.

Anyways...Well it was surely honest  

Personally, I don't date men who feel the need to 'grin and bear it' just to be 'supportive'...I'd feel really crappy all the time around him  

But you don't, he's your man, and that's all that matters.

Oh!  I did like what he said about years of conditioning and expecting a 'jumping for joy' attitude towards natural hair.  I agree.


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## Crystalicequeen123 (Feb 17, 2011)

Another thing that bothered me is that I didn't really sense any hint of joking or "lol" in his comments much at all. I couldn't tell if he was being serious or if he was just being flippant in a silly/joking way.  I don't know....  I just felt like his comments seemed more serious than joking.    


Oh well OP, I mean, he's your bf so you know him better than we all do on this board.  If you're cool with it, then who am I to question his feelings?  *shrugs*  *sigh*


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## blkbeauty (Feb 17, 2011)

Well thank the Lord that my DH loves my natural hair and so did most of the men in my past.


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## HoneyA (Feb 17, 2011)

Besides the deeper issues at play, I am not getting that he does not accept or love the OP. He's been with her for 5 years and he is still with her. He is simply stating his preference for straight, sleek hair. OP asked for his opinion and he gave it *shrugs*


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## lilsparkle825 (Feb 17, 2011)

I tried to read it from an objective standpoint, but "perm that krinkly shyt" ruined it for me. I was done after that. 

Also, TO ME it seemed like you were trying to push him to say he liked it. Either that or soften the blow/cover up for the fact that he reaaaalllly doesn't like your hair. Lots of "but you like that one style, right?" and "I let you touch my hair" and things like that, only for him to respond with "no" or "I don't remember" -- things showing that on a day-to-day basis he is less than enthralled by natural hair. And to blame it on y'alls ancestors and history and all of that.....you can't formulate your own opinions, dude? I can't with this thread.

Like others have said, that couldn't be my dude's opinion, but it ain't my relationship. My SO tells me on a regular basis how much he loves my hair, gives input on styles he likes, and even when I straighten it or do something else he doesn't love, he's never mean about it (yes I get that your SO is joking....kinda). The most I will get is "that's not my favorite style" or "when are you gonna wear it in that one style again?" But your guy is different, and if you like it, we love it. *shrug*


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## ladyviper (Feb 17, 2011)

I didn't even know this kind of English existed. It was like reading a complete different language. Made it very hard to understand and made the conversation a bit ignorant, even if it might have not been meant that way.


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## reeko43 (Feb 17, 2011)

I saw several positives in this "interview"

1. As much as your bf loves "silky hair", he stuck with you when you decided to go natural. He could have run for the hills but he didn't.

2.  He brings up an excellent point about how his preference has been shaped.  How can we as Black women expect our men to accept our attributes when we don't accept them ourselves.  I am sure growing up your bf has heard many negative comments about "nappy hair", most coming from women.  And, we can't leave out the media influence.  

3. Your bf states: "but i support the “Natural” movement maybe my grandsons will have it as their preference but as for grandpappy its ((emo)) all day".  I think this statement is very very positive.  I read that as although he likes straight hair better, he recognizes that there is a purpose for the "Natural Movement" and he *supports* it!  He seems to acknowledge that it is hard to shake his less than positive views, but, he wants better for the generations to come.  

Your bf spoke from his heart and people lash out because the truth of our time hurts.  However, this is where education and dialogue come into play.  Don't just stop at do you like my hair.  Do your homework and give him history.  Gradually teach him the benefits of having an appreciation for natural hair, its beauty, versatility, health, etc. Teach him of the time in our recent history, 60's and 70's when we viewed our natural hair as a symbol of pride for our race.  Truth and time go hand in hand.  As we women set the example for our men, strong and united with our sisters taking back our freedom to wear our hair anyway we please, our men will follow suit.

It seems like you are taking steps in the right direction.  You make a cute couple and your hair is adorable!


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## DDTexlaxed (Feb 17, 2011)

I hope you don't feel bad for posting your BF's POV. Not all men/women like natural hair and some men/women are pro natural. Hair is an issue that always divides the AA community. What I think is wrong is folks being mad about it.   This board is about variety in thought and hair care. At least your man is keeping it real with you and you know where he stands. He obviously loves you enough to share his feelings with you. That is very admirable.


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## chebaby (Feb 17, 2011)

if my SO didnt like my natural hair i wouldnt care because he knows me so he knows thats not something i would change for him or anyone else. luckily i have someone who loves my hair, loves me and is supportive.

i didnt like this interview or the style of the interview.


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## NicWhite (Feb 17, 2011)

As was said before, this comment was offensive: "Per dat krinkly shyt!!! The End."
But he was talking to his girlfriend about how he felt. sooooo........

For me it is not so much about a person's preference as it is about speaking so negatively about it.  What if the girlfriend had a preference for light skinned guys, but saw other qualities that led her to get with and stay with him.......but when she referenced his skin color, she says "bleach that *********** skin, THE END".   Or when she talked about her preferences she pulled out a picture of an Asian guy and said "now this is nice skin color"

But again, he was talking to his girlfriend about how he felt. sooooo........

The rest of it, what can I say, to each his own.  Like it was said before, at least he is honest.


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## gcchick_07 (Feb 17, 2011)

sooooooo to the women who are "it's just his preference!"

what if your s.o. told you that he preferred women who were very very light skinned (and you, wah wah, were not)?

But you know, you were pretty to be dark skinned, or something?

That's bascially what he's saying about her hair. "well you are pretty enough and good enough to be around even though you have this thing i don't like"

ahhh well.

again, i'm not dating him.

you like it = i love it  

ETA: i didn't see the comment right above mine. my thoughts exactly.


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## JayAnn0513 (Feb 17, 2011)

Tough crowd....I really don't see the big deal. Do y'all really expect a man to go from liking the majority of what he sees ( weave and premed hair) to liking natural hair just because you big chopped????? You will be sorely disappointed. 

My husband was not happy when decided to go natural. But he gas very little control over my hair so u told him to get used to it. 2 yrs later I'm sure he still prefers it straight, since that's how it was more that 7 of the 9 yrs we have been together. I don't like everything he wears and does so I'm sure the feeling is mutual.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Crystalicequeen123 said:


> Ummmmm.....
> 
> Yeeeeeaah... Okay, I was totally expecting a different type of "interview" when I clicked in this thread.
> 
> ...



Crystalicequeen123
Well i feel this way, if he can't talk to me like he would his girl-friend, we really don't need to be together. In a relationship, i feel like you have to be friends or you probably won't make it. No one likes a stick in the mud.  We joke around with each other a lot , im cool with it. May not be your type of relationship but i love it.


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## niqu92 (Feb 17, 2011)

babyu21 said:


> So a man has to LOVE everything single thing about you or it's a wrap??? Well I don't like facial hair but if he wanted to grow it out I could live with it. With some of the woman here on this board I understand why they have issues involving men, unrealistic expectations to say the least. What if you decide to get a relaxer in a year, you just change your mind like we are known to do, then he has to LOVE that too?? SMH



 thats exactly what i was thinking.So if you have a man that treats you right,has a good job, tells you he loves you everyday,is always there for you,is handsome BUT he has issues with natural hair youre not gonna date him??? lmao sorry maybe my sense of humor is different but i really think the interview was funny. Although i do agree with the other comments saying it was hard to understand because of the format/spelling/whatever. 
But hey, at least he's honest. My bf of 2yrs always complained about my hair but i didnt really care because thats not what our relationship was based on lol.i swear ppl take hair waaaay too seriously.
OP i liked your post i thought it was entertaining,your bf seems really funny yall must have a fun relationship lol


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

*


lilsparkle825 said:



			I tried to read it from an objective standpoint, but "perm that krinkly shyt" ruined it for me. I was done after that. 

Also, TO ME it seemed like you were trying to push him to say he liked it. Either that or soften the blow/cover up for the fact that he reaaaalllly doesn't like your hair. Lots of "but you like that one style, right?" and "I let you touch my hair" and things like that, only for him to respond with "no" or "I don't remember" -- things showing that on a day-to-day basis he is less than enthralled by natural hair. And to blame it on y'alls ancestors and history and all of that.....you can't formulate your own opinions, dude
		
Click to expand...

*


lilsparkle825 said:


> ? I can't with this thread.
> 
> Like others have said, that couldn't be my dude's opinion, but it ain't my relationship. My SO tells me on a regular basis how much he loves my hair, gives input on styles he likes, and even when I straighten it or do something else he doesn't love, he's never mean about it (yes I get that your SO is joking....kinda). The most I will get is "that's not my favorite style" or "when are you gonna wear it in that one style again?" But your guy is different, and if you like it, we love it. *shrug*



lilsparkle825
erplexed that is HIS opinion .... he had a valid point


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## JayAnn0513 (Feb 17, 2011)

gcchick_07 said:


> sooooooo to the women who are "it's just his preference!"
> 
> what if your s.o. told you that he preferred women who were very very light skinned (and you, wah wah, were not)?
> 
> ...



I wouldn't care. People have ideal types and your SO won't always fit into that 100%. It is what it is. I'm not my husbands ideal type nor is he mine. Yet we still can't keep our hands off each other after 9 yrs together and 5 yrs married. So does it really matter? Not really. 


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## curlyninjagirl (Feb 17, 2011)

Hmm...this is a tough one for me. My knee jerk reaction to this interview is to get reeeaaal militant. But then I start thinking about preferences...and well, is any of it fair?? 

But things really get messy when the preference is tied to race in some way. It just sucks that's all. The perception needs to change.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

JayAnn0513 said:


> Tough crowd....I really don't see the big deal. Do y'all really expect a man to go from liking the majority of what he sees ( weave and premed hair) to liking natural hair just because you big chopped????? You will be sorely disappointed.
> 
> My husband was not happy when decided to go natural. But he gas very little control over my hair so u told him to get used to it. 2 yrs later I'm sure he still prefers it straight, since that's how it was more that 7 of the 9 yrs we have been together. I don't like everything he wears and does so I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
> 
> ...


JayAnn0513 GIRL YOU BETTA TELL IT!

I personally feel like this... not even 3 years ago, hell not even 2 years ago a natural hair movement did NOT exists. WE didn't even like OUR OWN HAIR! So how is it that we put these expectations on our men to like it all of a sudden?

It don't work like that, this takes time. When we got together , i had permed hair? Why? Cuz I BELIEVED natural hair was ugly. Now i have it and i LOVE IT but it took time for me to fall in love with it because all i have ever seen was perms and weaves.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

niqu92 said:


> thats exactly what i was thinking.So if you have a man that treats you right,has a good job, tells you he loves you everyday,is always there for you,is handsome BUT he has issues with natural hair youre not gonna date him??? lmao sorry maybe my sense of humor is different but i really think the interview was funny. Although i do agree with the other comments saying it was hard to understand because of the format/spelling/whatever.
> But hey, at least he's honest. My bf of 2yrs always complained about my hair but i didnt really care because thats not what our relationship was based on lol.i swear ppl take hair waaaay too seriously.
> OP i liked your post i thought it was entertaining,your bf seems really funny yall must have a fun relationship lol



niqu92

We do! Look if i can't joke and laugh with you, then the relationship won't work...


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

JayAnn0513 said:


> I wouldn't care. People have ideal types and your SO won't always fit into that 100%.* It is what it is. I'm not my husbands ideal type nor is he mine*. Yet we still can't keep our hands off each other after 9 yrs together and 5 yrs married. So does it really matter? Not really.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using LHCF



JayAnn0513
But that is not the *base* of your relationship. Yall make it work! I love and respect that!


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## reeko43 (Feb 17, 2011)

I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color.  Skin is a living major organ.  Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed.  Plus some of you know you are fronting.  There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone.  It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you.  Let's keep it real now.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color.  Skin is a living major organ.  Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed.  *Plus some of you know you are fronting.  There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone.*  It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you.  Let's keep it real now.



reeko43 ~shots fired~


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## Aireen (Feb 17, 2011)

**SaSSy** said:


> Um, I miss the old LHCF...but anyway
> 
> Why are you giving a disclaimer? If you don't want people to give their honest opinion on what you posted why even mention it. This is forum, and where you posted the interview is a public blog. You could have shared this with family and friends if you're so sensitive.
> 
> ...



   

I love how you say all that then add the bolded.


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## YaniraNaturally (Feb 17, 2011)




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## Kirei (Feb 17, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color.  Skin is a living major organ.  Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed.  Plus some of you know you are fronting.  There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone.  It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you.  Let's keep it real now.



You know how we do. 

All of a sudden everybody has the perfect husband/boyfriend/SO. Please.

All we have to do is go to the relationship forum and see otherwise.


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## VirtuousBeauty (Feb 17, 2011)

Crystalicequeen123 said:


> Ummmmm.....
> 
> Yeeeeeaah... Okay, I was totally expecting a different type of "interview" when I clicked in this thread.
> 
> ...




I don't think you can say someone's relationship isn't valid because they talk to each other that way. Every relationship is different and can't be based on just on limited view on how people should behave in relationships imo


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## An_gell (Feb 17, 2011)

Thanx for sharing MzLizzia.  I like how you were handling some of the negative feedback you were getting on here.  You handled it like a lady and that's good on you.  I use to always ask my husband what he thought about my hair especially when we were dating. lol!! I'm thankful God blessed me with someone who loves me for me and really loves my natural hair more than any other style I have ever worn.  He is very supportive of my hair journey, but he does tease me about being on this forum all the time and all the hair supplies I buy and oils I make..but as he sees my growth hair growing from all these practices he is very pleased and so am I.


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## VirtuousBeauty (Feb 17, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color.  Skin is a living major organ.  Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed.  Plus some of you know you are fronting.  There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone.  It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you.  Let's keep it real now.




Exactly! I think tossing away a good man just because he prefers straight hair is ridiculous. Your hair doesn't change who you are and even if he's not all in to your hair YOU still haven't changed and so his feelings for you shouldn't either.

Everyone is different and some take the hair thing very seriously, but don't ruin a good relationship over nonsense.

I thought the convo was a little funny at parts, but I have a sense of humor and am not easily offended. I had no problems reading it


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## DiasporaLuv (Feb 17, 2011)

First you have absolutely gorgeous hair... 

Secondly, Do you have to love 100% of your partners physical appearance? Your boyfriend has a preference, but he isnt so shallow as to let this get in the way, so there must be other things he loves about you.(( I think about all the people who would love the significant others to drop a few lbs...))

Also he didnt say anything about your hair until you asked. My favorite line was when he said: " I know better"

Finally, for many women loving their natural hair was a process that didnt happen over night. Why dont we give him the same room to grow...?

Wishing you two all the best...


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

DiasporaLuv  Thank you so much!


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## Aireen (Feb 17, 2011)

Uhm, OP, was this interview over text/MSN type of conversation or did you just type like that for the sake of shortening everything?


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## Brownie (Feb 17, 2011)

This makes me appreciate my DH more. He's not hard to please and likes whatever I do.


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## Kirei (Feb 17, 2011)

Aireen said:


> Uhm, OP, was this interview over text/MSN type of conversation or did you just type like that for the sake of shortening everything?


She said it was over skype.


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## empressri (Feb 17, 2011)

my man and my mother didn't care for my hair when i went natural.

but they both came around. and if not who gives a damn! at the end of the day are you really going to be thinking about 'does he like my hair'?

no.


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## Aireen (Feb 17, 2011)

Selah339 said:


> She said it was over skype.



Darn, how'd I miss that?! I hate when I don't read properly, it makes me look like I don't take my time. 

Unless it's a couple pages in the thread, in that case I'm still reading the juiciness.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Aireen said:


> Darn, how'd I miss that?! I hate when I don't read properly, it makes me look like I don't take my time.
> 
> Unless it's a couple pages in the thread, in that case I'm still reading the juiciness.



Aireen


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## Lita (Feb 17, 2011)

Thanks for sharing....





Happy Hair Growing!


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## ConstantlyDynamic (Feb 17, 2011)

well if it works for you, it works. you've been with him for a long time and you liked who he was so his preference shouldn't make you unhappy. it'd piss me off for sure because that's not the type of guy i'd want to be with. it's ok to like one style more than the other but he hates natural hair, the hair we were born with-that's different to me. i'm relaxed now and i still wouldn't date a guy like that. but you seem to love him and that's really all that matters.


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## Irresistible (Feb 17, 2011)

This thread is funny

all the acting brand new and stuff lol


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## Irresistible (Feb 17, 2011)

Maybe I should go ask my man how he feels about my wearing a pony tail day in day out every single day 365 days just about, oh and the fact that he has to help me with my hair and if he don't like it-my style or my hair-I'm gonna have to break off our engagement-and end our life together



furthermore, Once I am single again,  any man that has the nerve to break his neck to look at me when I happen to have my hair pressed/down/loose is getting told off like


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## VirtuousBeauty (Feb 17, 2011)

Irresistible said:


> Maybe I should go ask my man how he feels about my wearing a pony tail day in day out every single day 365 days just about, oh and the fact that he has to help me with my hair and if he don't like it-my style or my hair-I'm gonna have to break off our engagement-and end our life together
> 
> 
> 
> furthermore, Once I am single again,  any man that has the nerve to break his neck to look at me when I happen to have my hair pressed/down/loose is getting told off like


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## IMFOCSD (Feb 17, 2011)

Smh..i never understood why people get so defensive about someone elses thread...if u read it and dont like whats being said then just exit the thread and keep it movin...jus sayn..


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## MsLizziA (Feb 17, 2011)

Irresistible said:


> Maybe I should go ask my man how he feels about my wearing a pony tail day in day out every single day 365 days just about, oh and the fact that he has to help me with my hair and if he don't like it-my style or my hair-I'm gonna have to break off our engagement-and end our life together
> 
> 
> 
> furthermore, Once I am single again,  any man that has the nerve to break his neck to look at me when I happen to have my hair pressed/down/loose is getting told off like


Irresistible


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## NAPPYCHICK86 (Feb 17, 2011)

People in here acting brand new! I see why so many women cant keep a man. My husband and I have been together 10 years(highschool sweethearts) I went natural about a year and a half ago. It was not his favorite but he has come around. I cant believe some of you are willing to drop a good relationship over some damn hair! GTFOOHWTBS!


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## SweetNproper (Feb 18, 2011)

I feel like people are looking into his comments way too deep. I mean I feel like its important to be aware of Black issues and the sensitivity of the subject but its still just an opinion. Despite how he feels about natural hair he still supports and loves her soo whats the big deal.


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## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

Well you asked, he gave you his answers...I'm not offended.

For those who are talking about everyone acting brand new and dropping someone over some hair...well, I can see both sides. It's one thing for a man to not like your hair, but it's another if because of this he makes annoying comments that get a side eye.

My ex-bf told me that he loved my hair all the time, yet would make comments that make me think he had "good hair" syndrome and all this mess...

- If I combed my hair out into an afro like my siggy his response was, "Can I have the curls back?"

- I told him that I wanted my hair to grow to be like, really huge, and he was like, "Ummm I think I want it to fall..." a la loose curls... erplexed

- He hated my frohawk to the point where he BEGGED me to not do my hair like that when we went to dinner because looking at it literally made his lip curl.

I could go on...but yea, I feel like that's an example of how he feels about your hair could be a negative thing in a relationship, and his views definitely played a role in our break up.

Now, when men hit on me or try to date me and make comments about my hair when I haven't asked them, I KIM and know that I'd never date them. Why? Because IMO most men are the biggest hypocrites ever. They say they're just being honest and you should appreciate it, yet if I give my opinion to a man about how he eats crap food all the time or has a gut then he's all kinds of crying about how I hurt his fragile self esteem. I don't have time for it. *Deuces*


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## OhmyKimB (Feb 18, 2011)

Lol I've had similar conversation and I spent most of the time laughing my friend however was very upset. I mean hey my former whatever you want to call him hated anytime a pair of scissors came near my head, although he thought I should grow out my relaxer. 

Everyone likes what they like, he hated my relaxer but liked the length of my hair. Granted he only disliked the relaxer because of the smell and then I switch to Mizani BB and that solved the problem.


I do think you BF is funny though, and I agree with some of what he's said.


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## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

.................


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## AvaSpeaks (Feb 18, 2011)

YaniraNaturally said:


>


 

*THIS! *


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## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

.............


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## iri9109 (Feb 18, 2011)

this thread is interesting. 

humans are visual creatures. mutual attraction is usually the 1st spark that makes people even consider getting to know each other further and maybe pursue a relationship...so if OP & her bf got together when she was relaxed, its pretty safe to say that he was attracted to/likes straight hair...then she went natural, and it was probably something he had to adjust to...not saying it changed how he felt about OP, but its just different...if my bf just randomly decided to grow his hair out and get braids, i would be likenono: because thats not what i like, and thats not what i was attracted to when i first met him, but that doesnt mean im gonna pack up and leave...

but on the other hand if i was in OP's situation i dont think my bf telling me how he likes silky asian hair, and saying i need to perm that krinkly ish would be funny to me or confirm his love...its one thing to dislike something, but tolerate it because you like/love someone, but talking bad about it/putting your SO down is a different story...and i definitely wouldn't post it on forum like its cute.


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## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

.................


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## MyTie (Feb 18, 2011)

I didn't read the entire thread (will go back and read it later when I am less sleepy) but I did read the interview. I'm not going to comment on that because ppl are free to feel how they feel.

I have been with my husband for almost twenty years. Before we were dating we were best friends. This man has seen my hair in all of its states; from all over my head in the morning before I started tying it down at night, from burned all the way to my scalp from putting in too many relaxers and dyes over each other to going through my entire pregnancy with our first son with it being green from putting a blue rinse over a honey blond dye job (duh, we did learn that blue and yellow makes green in preschool) and couldn't get it out. Through all of that he never said a word. I've changed styles as much as I've changed colors over the years. I know when he doesn't like my hair or when he loves it just by the look on his face. He did tell me once that he likes my hair the best when I love it the best because when I am happy with my appearance it shows in my the way move or how I smile that day.

I've learned over the years not to take it too negatively when he doesn't like my hair. My hair doesn't completely define me; it is a part of me that compliments the whole. So if he doesn't like my hair that in no way proves his overall feelings for me. There are some outfits or hats that he wears that I would love to throw away but even when he wears them he is still the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life. I know that is the same when my hair isn't exactly what he would like it to be (especially during the months after my bc because he likes longer hair). While I am natural now, I don't expect him to like my natural hair everyday because I don't like it everyday. However, I do expect him to accept it and know that it is MY hair and it is mine to do with it whatever I want. And he does accept it and every crazy style I try because that is just part of who I am. To be fair, I think I've desensitized the poor man over the years. After seeing your pregnant wife with green hair you pretty much have seen everything.

Sorry if I got off topic. Like I said I didn't read the entire thread. But what I was trying to say is that I don't hold it against ppl who isn't crazy about natural hair or take it as a personal attack or an attack against black women. I see it as if everyone has their preferences. Not liking my hair isn't something that would be a deal breaker for me. Maybe that is just me because my hair is never in a constant state. I get bored with it easily and changes it up more often. 

Now, if he said he hated my laugh than we would have problems. Because I am beautifully goofy and I laugh loud and I laugh often.


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## theLovelyStyle (Feb 18, 2011)

Male shows interest in black female with silky straight hair.
Male courts female.
Male and female date seriously.
Female goes natural.
Male does not like natural styles/hair
Female dumps man?/Man dumps female?

Since when was hair such a deal-breaker in relationships to those of you that agree with that scenario?


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## snillohsss (Feb 18, 2011)

edited---don't want to take the thread off track more than it is.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

snilloh  Hey to each his own..... but 1 thing i can promise you is that if we break up, it damn sure wont be because of hair


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## snillohsss (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @snilloh  Hey to each his own..... but 1 thing i can promise you is that if we break up,* it dame sure wont be because of hair*



MsLizziA I will agree with you on the bolded .


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## AvaSpeaks (Feb 18, 2011)

snilloh said:


> @MsLizziA I will agree with you on the bolded .


 

LOL! snilloh, I don't think she caught that


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

AvaSpeaks i caught it, im ignoring it


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## SimpleKomplexity (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> Why are we so hell bent on men loving our natural hair?  I never understood the 'my man betta love my naps' statement.  Men are allowed to have a preference too, or did I miss something?
> 
> So he likes straight hair.  Most men do.  What's next?



THANK YOU! 

He doesn't have to like every little thing about you such as clothing style, hairstyle/preference, and etc. He DOES have to love and accept the whole package and be willing to make things work. Love, accept, and like are all very different things

It's a WHOLE BUNCH of ish I don't like. I DON'T like men in cornrows. I DON'T Like men with long hair. I DON'T LIKE dreads that much. I don't like guys who don't dress like a preppy business man. I don't like tennis shoes that much.  I think  a man should look like a MAN and have a fresh cut . Does my views make him any less of a man? HELL NO. It might make him more of a man because despite my views...at the end of the day he is still him. I love individuality and freedom of expression way more than I like a hairstyle choice.

SN: You were brave to post that article. I haven't read the pages, but I know someone out there is jumping all down his throat as well as yours. *shrugs*. I found it comical as well as enlightening lol. Oh and let that man play in that hurr!! It looks so moisturized! I'd wanna touch it too hmpf!


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## AvaSpeaks (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @AvaSpeaks i caught it, im ignoring it


 

Girl,


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## AvaSpeaks (Feb 18, 2011)

This thread is by far one of the most.......


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## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

> Smh..i never understood why people get so defensive about someone elses thread...if u read it and dont like whats being said then just exit the thread and keep it movin...jus sayn..



statement of the year


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## QueenFee (Feb 18, 2011)

Ehhh its his opinion I guess, my bf likes those god awful pimp grandaddy hats, I hate them and slowly they began to Disappear lol. But my hair is a big part of my life period so I couldn't date someone who didn't at least like it. Now like and tolerate are two diff things. I'm happy I have the support of my man and his wallet!


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## Etherealsmile (Feb 18, 2011)

babyu21 said:


> *So a man has to LOVE everything single thing about you or it's a wrap???* Well I don't like facial hair but if he wanted to grow it out I could live with it. With some of the woman here on this board I understand why they have issues involving men, unrealistic expectations to say the least. What if you decide to get a relaxer in a year, you just change your mind like we are known to do, then he has to LOVE that too?? SMH




i'm only speaking for myself here but no, i do not expect a man to accept every single thing about me. How unrealistic is that? We all have our flaws and preferences no one is perfect.

But you know as well as I do that black women have been through hell  about our hair. A number of black women feel ashamed of their natural hair texture, wish they could change it to a looser, curlier pattern...the list goes on and on. 

I think its fair to say some black women still struggle with accepting their hair texture and believing their hair is beautiful. If I am with a man, I cannot condone him speaking negatively about my hair because I have come a very long way on the journey of accepting myself. 

I find it a huge turn off for a man not to accept my hair the way God created it...why should i be with such an individual when I can find a free minded, independent thinker who accepts my hair the way it grows out of my scalp?

This is one of the main reasons why I have a hard time dating  American black men, I'm not saying your SO is American black OP but I have encountered too many AA men who have this mindset (mostly directed at type 4 texture) and it is such a turn off. 

If a man wants a woman with silky strands growing out of their scalp then he certainly should have her, i just know i'm not her though.

No thank you


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## Evolving78 (Feb 18, 2011)

not liking a hairstyle is one thing, not liking something you are naturally born with is another. your hair will never be silky Asian straight hair, since you are not Asian. that dude was born with the same type of hair and keeps it cut low, to avoid being called nappy-head.  how would guys feel if women walked around and stated they only wanted guys who had hair like EL Debarge, Al B. Sure, etc... 

you can't be the real you.  black folks need to get it together.  it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.

Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....


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## Evolving78 (Feb 18, 2011)

empressri said:


> my man and my mother didn't care for my hair when i went natural.
> 
> but they both came around. and if not who gives a damn! at the end of the day are you really going to be thinking about 'does he like my hair'?
> 
> no.



i feel you on that.  when i decided to let my natural texture grow out, i had some serious problems in my family.  i was called names, told i wasn't beautiful, it wasn't becoming, i looked like a slave, i looked weird, etc.....  that hurt my pride something terrible.  it made me straighten my hair twice to please other people.  the reaction i got from people made me sick to my stomach.  nobody liked the real me.  they were happy with the fake me.

see, when all of that was being said to me, i didn't see it as those folks just having a preference.  that was some serious hating going on.

like i said, this type of discussion is deeper than what folks are making it out to be.
i think a lot of you women on this board tolerate your SOs' dislike for your hair as long as he keeps his mouth shut about it, but when he starts getting brutally honest, your attitude would change.


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## HoneyA (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color.  Skin is a living major organ.  Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed.  *Plus some of you know you are fronting.  There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone.  It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you.  Let's keep it real now*.



This is true. If he met you with permed hair, I think it is safe to say that's part of the whole package that attracted him to you from a physical standpoint even if it's only a small part. I didn't get that he was constantly putting MsLizzia down about her hair and making her feel bad like another poster mentioned. That is another issue and if that is the case then bid the dude farewell (no point dealing with psychological abuse) but she ASKED him how he feels about natural hair and he told her and was honest. I think he just mentioned the Asian hair part to prove his point.

MsLizzia you have a beautiful head of natural hair. I mean it's gorgeous so whether or not he likes it, tough, make sure you LOVE it. It's in the attitude. If he can't deal with it well he can S out. You chose to stop perming. You don't need his approval. Was this just an interview to get his opinion for a blog post or do you really want him to say he loves your hair?


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## AvaSpeaks (Feb 18, 2011)

shortdub78 said:


> i feel you on that. when i decided to let my natural texture grow out, i had some serious problems in my family. i was called names, told i wasn't beautiful, it wasn't becoming, i looked like a slave, i looked weird, etc..... that hurt my pride something terrible. it made me straighten my hair twice to please other people. the reaction i got from people made me sick to my stomach. nobody liked the real me. they were happy with the fake me.


 

That's horrible


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## jennboo (Feb 18, 2011)

OP,

So what if you were dark and your bf proclaimed that dark skin was undesirable, not as attractive, and that light skin was preferable to dark skin? What if he essentially stated that he would prefer your look more if you were light skinned? Would you be upset? Or would his musings about his dislike for dark skin and preference for light skin still be 'cute' and just 'his preference'?


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## SmileyNY (Feb 18, 2011)

^^^^^ IMO, that's like comparing apples & oranges. I know they are both related to race, but skin color preference runs a lot deeper than just hair. To me, asking that is kin to asking "what if he says he prefers men?"  (Um... yea, thats a deal breaker lol) 

All preferences (ignorant or otherwise) are not created equal. 


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## MrsMe (Feb 18, 2011)

Well, he was honest and didn't sugar-coat it for you. I can respect that. As long as he doesn't put you down because of your hair, I don't see anything wrong with him having a preference. 
Let's just hope that when he has a daughter he refrains from using that type of language around her because we all know how early Eurocentric standards of beauty are ingrained into little girls' subconscious.

Sent from my HTC Evo using Long Hair Care Forum App


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

shortdub78 said:


> like i said, this type of discussion is deeper than what folks are making it out to be.
> i think a lot of you women on this board tolerate your SOs' dislike for your hair as long as he keeps his mouth shut about it, but when he starts getting brutally honest, your attitude would change.


 
I know a lot of you didn't like what was said or the delivery. However, it is unfair to judge that man by a skype interview without seeing his whole picture.

My husband was brutally honest about me transitioning. DH will be 50 this year and has been surrounded by perms most of his life. We met and married while I was still getting perms. Given what was his image of beauty, why would I expect him to jump on my bandwagon? Because he loves me? Life is not a fairytale. It doesn't always happen that way. 

DH thought I was going through a midlife crisis, trying to cop a trend that the "young folks" were following. The only "naturals" in his life are his nieces, both in college. 

DH has changed in a big way. DH has told me that he appreciates that I stuck to what I believe and took time to educate him. 

If he never accepted my hair would I have left him? Never!!! Despite what DH thought of my hair, he is a strong and positive Black man. My husband works two jobs, is father of the year to our autistic son, loves God and never goes a day without expressing his love and admiration.

How can we be so "power to the people" about our hair but be so willing to down a Black man and kick him to the curb because he doesn't get the bigger picture? Stop being so hypocritical. You expect others to change and accept you; but, you can't bother to be patient and help a brother come up to your level? Where is a man supposed to learn acceptance of hair, from White people, from tv? No, it starts with us.


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## HoneyA (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> OP,
> 
> So what if you were dark and your bf proclaimed that dark skin was undesirable, not as attractive, and that light skin was preferable to dark skin? What if he essentially stated that he would prefer your look more if you were light skinned? Would you be upset? Or would his musings about his dislike for dark skin and preference for light skin still be 'cute' and just 'his preference'?



I'll admit that I have a preference for particular features on men but that didn't stop me from falling in love and being with a man who was the polar opposite. In the end the physical features that were/are my preference didn't matter at all. And I have read similar stories from other women on this very board.


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## RegaLady (Feb 18, 2011)

This may have been touched on already, so maybe I will be beating a dead horse, because I haven't read  through all the responses.  Men don't have to like a feature I was born with.  The man I would love and hope he loved me for me, I would hope to.  Saying one doesn't like their man in long hair or dreads, is like apples and oranges.  That comes down to _style_.  To me natural hair is not a style but a texture one is born with. 

It think I am just interested in how these men really feel about having daughters with natural hair(not strengtened).   Because of my Dh's LOVE for all things natural, he loves DD's natural hair and doesn't see it as a negative thing.  Just wondering...


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## ksly4ever (Feb 18, 2011)

Wow, some people are really heated up about his guys opinion. I really don't see anything wrong with that he said. He was honest in saying that he prefers the straight look. This clearly hasn't stopped him loving her as they are still together. Couples don't have to agree on everything, we are all individuals. Anyway that's just my opinion.


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## Evolving78 (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I know a lot of you didn't like what was said or the delivery. However, it is unfair to judge that man by a skype interview without seeing his whole picture.
> 
> My husband was brutally honest about me transitioning. DH will be 50 this year and has been surrounded by perms most of his life. We met and married while I was still getting perms. Given what was his image of beauty, why would I expect him to jump on my bandwagon? Because he loves me? Life is not a fairytale. It doesn't always happen that way.
> 
> ...



who said anything about kicking anyone to the curb? who said anything about not having patience? and how did you get hypocrisy from my post?  i know you are not trying to call me a hypocrite!  i can say this with all honesty, i have never had a problem with natural hair.  the only reason my hair was straighten, because i was taught that i had no other choices. i was told didn't have the right type of texture to be able to be natural.  my mother kept my hair pressed and as soon as i turned 10 years old, i got a relaxer.  not by choice!  i always admired natural hair, but felt i wouldn't be able to handle it, but 11 years ago, i decided to not let anyone dictate how i was going to wear my hair, so i cut it to a low fade.  i was called all kinds of names and my sexuality was often questioned .    i'm glad you have the best husband in the whole world and i'm glad that you pointed out that your dh is middle aged. i can clearly see why he would have a problem with you going natural.  he has a very old, old school mentality, so i get that.  sticking to my guns and educating my family has been for the better as well.

but lets call a spade a spade.  it's not a preference, it is something Black folks have been forced and conditioned to accept Eurocentric standards of beauty for years.  *it's one thing to say you don't like something, it's another when you compare someone that looks nothing like them or compare them to something they will never be able to achieve.  i find it crazy that he tried to find Asian hair pics instead of AA hair pics with straight hair.*  please let's be real about this.  this is about self-hatred and race, not about preferences.  please stop sugar-coating it.  once we can be honest with ourselves, then we can help the masses.


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## ashleymichelle1 (Feb 18, 2011)

Hmm idk how i feel about this. For me personally I couldn't date someone who hated my hair and wanted me to have asian hair. Natural Hair is a big part of my life, I love my hair and it's a part of my identity. Alot of people use the phrase "It's just hair" But for me no, it's not just hair. It's apart of my identity and it sets me apart from most women in society today.

Now I'm fine w/ people having preferences..I'm not a "militant" natural...i don't want every woman to go natural so we can all look alike. I love the diversity of our hair...from weaves, to straight, to locs to braids. It's all beautiful to me!

My bf whom I have been w/ for 3 years LOVES my hair. When we first met he didn't like that it was short..but he never made rude comments and showed me pictures of long weaves. The more it has grown the more he loves my hair. He's always telling me what styles to do, what styles he doesn't like LOL. His fingers are always in my hair. I Just love that he loves ALL of me...If he didn't like natural hair I personally could not date him. I prefer a man who prefers natural hair...I like men who are "thinkers" like someone stated earlier and sees things in a different light. My bf is not one to follow societys standards on anything and he thinks out the box so naturally he loves natural hair.

Like I stated earlier preferences are fine..I hate permed hair on a man. I could not date a man with permed hair. It would annoy the **** out of me everytime I look at it..I couldn't be in a relationship like that. Instead of demeaning my bf w/ permed hair I just won't date a man with permed hair to make things easier for both of us.

just my opinion.


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## Roux (Feb 18, 2011)

Wow...I'm only on page two and this is some **** right here. 

I was talking to my SO last night about BCing and he just doesn't get it. He has an affinity for long hair period so it will be tough on him and he is honest about that...it hurts but it is what it is. I do appreciate the fact that he is supportive and ENCOURAGES me to go natural...even though he doesn't understand the dynamic of black folks and their hair, especially since he is still on that 'good hair' bull**** and about how he has never had nappy hair. 

Anyways i'm rambling. If that was a convo I had with my SO I would be really hurt because you really do have long beautiful thick hair so what's not to love?


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## Crystalicequeen123 (Feb 18, 2011)

theLovelyStyle said:


> Male shows interest in black female with silky straight hair.
> Male courts female.
> Male and female date seriously.
> Female goes natural.
> ...



Well IMO, I would hope that hair in itself would not be an automatic deal-breaker in a relationship.  But in my opinion, I think there is a difference between not liking some natural hair styles on black women, and just simply NOT liking natural hair on black women PERIOD.  One you can switch up (hair styles), but the other...you can't help that (the hair type you were born with)!  

It's one thing to say: "Oh, I hate when my man wears those ugly-looking hats (shirts, jeans, ties, shoes, etc)", but it's completely different to say: "I don't like the hair that grows out of your scalp".      You can take OFF the hats, the shoes, the ties, etc.  But you can't change your hair TYPE.  You can do things to give it the APPEARANCE of a certain hair type (ie.  relaxers, heating tools, etc), but you can't internally go and change your hair texture.   

That's my biggest concern with his comments.   



shortdub78 said:


> *not liking a hairstyle is one thing, not liking something you are naturally born with is another. *your hair will never be silky Asian straight hair, since you are not Asian. that dude was born with the same type of hair and keeps it cut low, to avoid being called nappy-head.  how would guys feel if women walked around and stated they only wanted guys who had hair like EL Debarge, Al B. Sure, etc...
> 
> *you can't be the real you.  black folks need to get it together.*  it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.
> 
> Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....



THANK YOU!   

I agree w/everything, especially the parts in bold.   People tend to forget that the only reason why we have these hangups and "preferences" about hair is due to society.  If natural kinky type 4b hair was what was considered BEAUTIFUL in our society and around the world, most AA men would have a "preference" for the natural hair that grows out of our scalps.  AA women around the world would not be trying to hide their natural hair that grows out of their scalps. 

It's like women and gray hair.  Society has told everyone (women especially) that YOUTHFULNESS is what is considered beautiful, desirable, and "normal".  So, what do women do?  We dye our hair all kinds of ways (men too!) in order to hide the gray.  But if GRAY hair were what society deemed as "beautiful", women and men around the world wouldn't be afraid to show their natural gray hair that is growing out of their scalps.  Plain and simple. 

Personally, if this guy is getting praised for having his "preferences", well then guess what...I have a preference too!  I *"PREFER" *black men who can have an appreciation for natural hair on *African American* women.  Not just Asian women, white women or hispanic women.  That's just MY "preference".   If I'm dating a guy, he's going to have an appreciation for my hair, just like I appreciate men with THEIR natural hair.  I don't think it is so obsolete, or rare like the abominable snowman to find a *BLACK *man who actually appreciates or even (*gasp*! ) LIKES natural hair on black women!   I have seen way too many men on youtube, friends, family, and men in everyday life that actually LIKE my natural hair just the way it is, so I know it is possible to find.  It may be RARE (yes), but it's not impossible.  

Personally, I feel that if the OP is fine with her bf, then I'm fine with it.  I just know that the man that I eventually date and marry would have to be someone who at the very least appreciates the fact that I can wear my hair natural. He may not like ALL of my hair styles (I don't even like all of my hair styles ), but he has to be someone who has no problem with *black women *wearing the God-given hair that grows out of our scalps.


----------



## jennboo (Feb 18, 2011)

Smiley82 said:


> ^^^^^ IMO, that's like comparing apples & oranges. I know they are both related to race, but skin color preference runs a lot deeper than just hair. To me, asking that is kin to asking "what if he says he prefers men?"  (Um... yea, thats a deal breaker lol)
> 
> All preferences (ignorant or otherwise) are not created equal.
> 
> ...


 
If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then... 

I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking  features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people. 

I'm sure if the dark skinned folks in the thread heard their bf's say that they preferred light skinned women, all hell would break loose. I'm just trying to understand how a man saying (to a black woman) that straight hair is better than kinky (read:black folks' hair) is any different.

But, as i always say, whitey has done a phenomenal job.


----------



## ms-gg (Feb 18, 2011)

Crystalicequeen123 said:


> I don't think it is so obsolete, or rare like the abominable snowman to find a *BLACK *man who actually appreciates or even (*gasp*! ) LIKES natural hair on black women!   I have seen way too many men on youtube, friends, family, and men in everyday life that actually LIKE my natural hair just the way it is, so I know it is possible to find.  It may be RARE (yes), but it's not impossible.




You get a standing ovation from me, you and Shortdub's posts are on point.  And hunny they are out there.  My_ boyfriend_ initially didn't like my bc, but almost 5 years later, and almost 9 years together, my _fiance _loves my natural hair and would kick my butt if I started relaxing my hair again! 

They are out there!


----------



## Crystalicequeen123 (Feb 18, 2011)

ms-gg said:


> You get a standing ovation from me, you and Shortdub's posts are on point.  And hunny they are out there.  My_ boyfriend_ initially didn't like my bc, but almost 5 years later, and almost 9 years together, my _fiance _loves my natural hair and would kick my butt if I started relaxing my hair again!
> 
> They are out there!



Yay!     That is so sweet.   It may take time getting used to, but I notice that a LOT of husbands now *LOVE *the natural hair on their AA wives.     I have a lot of friends who's husbands now love their hair.  

Oh, and I love your hair!  It's so pretty!  I can't wait until my hair is that long in twists.


----------



## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you. Let's keep it real now.


 
I actually did do this. I understand that for some people it's just hair and being natural is a style choice. I get that. But for me it isn't, and I'm not gonna pretend that it's not that deep. I can deal with you not liking my outfit, or my nail polish or something, but when you have a problem with the way my hair naturally comes out of my scalp then that's an issue. I don't need anybody to "stick by me" despite my nappy hair. To me: _"Imma stick by you even though you got nappy hair" _is an insult.


----------



## Kurlee (Feb 18, 2011)

shortdub78 said:


> not liking a hairstyle is one thing, not liking something you are naturally born with is another. your hair will never be silky Asian straight hair, since you are not Asian. that dude was born with the same type of hair and keeps it cut low, to avoid being called nappy-head.  how would guys feel if women walked around and stated they only wanted guys who had hair like EL Debarge, Al B. Sure, etc...
> 
> you can't be the real you.  *black folks need to get it together.  it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.*
> 
> Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....


 It's just sick how apathetic we are. Just ambivalent little lemmings.


----------



## Kurlee (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then...
> 
> I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking  features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people.
> 
> ...


 I the issue has gone over many heads.  We have not progressed as a people. Just learned to hide our scars better.  That convo was such a turn off to me.  I really think we need to hold more men accountable for their stupidity sometimes. I know this may sound biased, but I really think the problem is the them and not "us" (like the media makes it sound)


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

I guess I'll act brand new because he could not be my man. Yes, a man would get kicked to the curb nor not liking something that naturally comes out of my head  I cringe everytime I hear a black person say to another to go perm that shyte  Skin bleacking isn't permanent either (under normal circumstances) yet we would be up in arms in her bf told her to bleach that shyt


----------



## SimpleKomplexity (Feb 18, 2011)

shortdub78 said:


> *not liking a hairstyle is one thing, not liking something you are naturally born with is another*. your hair will never be silky Asian straight hair, since you are not Asian. that dude was born with the same type of hair and keeps it cut low, to avoid being called nappy-head.  how would guys feel if women walked around and stated they only wanted guys who had hair like EL Debarge, Al B. Sure, etc...
> 
> you can't be the real you.  black folks need to get it together.  it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.
> 
> Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....



I'm not bashing you so sorry if it comes off wrong. I just hate the statement.

But OH EM GEE I am SOOO tired of hearing this dang statement. :hardslap: JUST cause it's natural it's supposed to be beautiful?! Naw son. That statement just sounds nice to say.

WELL don't like uncircumcised penises. Little boys are born like that NATURALLY, but the thing looks like an anteater that's hiding and ish. (And NO it is NOT different. Go look it up. There is really no need to be circumsiced. I think we do it in America for "hygeine" and "look factors" to be honest. You don't see lil English willy wonkers walking around all cut and ish. In fact more than half of the world's men are uncircumcised. That says a lot. ) 

But I digress. I don't like lil anteater penises. Oh the hell well. I don't have to walk with it between my legs, and it's definitely not a dealbreaker if I get in a relationship with a person with one. I just don't like it....I don't have to like EVERYTHING on your body just because it's natural. 

*steps off of soapbox*


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

SimpleKomplexity said:


> I'm not bashing you so sorry if it comes off wrong. I just hate the statement.
> 
> But OH EM GEE I am SOOO tired of hearing this dang statement. :hardslap: JUST cause it's natural it's supposed to be beautiful?! Naw son. That statement just sounds nice to say.
> 
> ...




Okay so that's fine, but guess what? If you were dating a guy with an "anteater" penis and you told him that you didn't like it, he'd probably start crying and call you an insensitive a-hole. Tell a man you don't like his penis??? Giiiiirl, you tryin' to start WWIII? He'd be all kinds of butt hurt.


----------



## SmileyNY (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then...
> 
> I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking  features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people.
> 
> ...



I know that they are both related to race, I said that... but they are NOT equal. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect yours...

However, I think a black man telling his black girlfriend that he prefers white (or lighter) women is MUCH MORE HURTFUL than a black man jokingly expressing his true feelings about his girlfriends natural hair.

They are two totally different levels of self hate.

 At the bolded.


----------



## SimpleKomplexity (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> Okay so that's fine, but guess what? If you were dating a guy with an "anteater" penis and you told him that you didn't like it, he'd probably start crying and call you an insensitive a-hole.* Tell a man you don't like his penis??? Giiiiirl, you tryin' to start WWIII? He'd be all kinds of butt hurt*.



 This is true LOL! 

*starts thinking back*

I actually did tell one guy this. And asked him what did he think about it and what would he want his little boy to be. lol He told me he didn't care that I thought they were ugly and didn't like them because I would love it one day. (I think the convo was centered around hair too. I told him I wanted to go natural and he told me I would look like a pineapple. I told him, "Pineapples are one of the sweetest fruits on the earth! #WIN")

. We always had silly conversations. lol I'ma  Bio major so I'm always asking why does it look like that questions, and what if, and "from a biologist's point of view...don't you think..."


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

SimpleKomplexity said:


> This is true LOL!
> 
> *starts thinking back*
> 
> ...


  at pineapples are the sweetest fruits on earth...bwhahaha.

I'm just saying, overall, I can't stand the general hypocrisy that men seem to possess. My ex started growing his hair out and when it was really short (like an inch) I used to tell him that I was so mad because his hair was never frizzy, and he'd just laugh. Then one time after he woke up and didn't "do" his hair, it was looking like a hot mess, and I told him that he should spritz his hair with water and add some conditioner because he was looking disheveled....chile, if I didn't ruin that boy's day...OKAY.


----------



## Crystalicequeen123 (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> I actually did do this. I understand that for some people it's just hair and being natural is a style choice. I get that. But for me it isn't, and I'm not gonna pretend that it's not that deep.* I can deal with you not liking my outfit, or my nail polish or something, but when you have a problem with the way my hair naturally comes out of my scalp then that's an issue. I don't need anybody to "stick by me" despite my nappy hair. To me: "Imma stick by you even though you got nappy hair" is an insult*.




I can't thank you enough for this.   

People don't realize that the hair/skin color analogy is actually a pretty good one.  Each one cannot be changed permanently.  Sure, you can bleach your skin to make it lighter, and relax your hair to make it straight.  But it can't change your biological makeup.   I can understand if a guy doesn't like a particular outfit I'm wearing, or the makeup I put on my face, etc...because these are not *a PART of me*. But my hair IS so much a PART of me, it basically makes up my physical/genetic makeup.  I think that's why AA women want their men to "accept" their hair in it's natural state.  To *NOT * accept it is basically (IMO) saying that you don't even accept the woman as she naturally IS.    Outfits, makeup, clothes, etc......These are things I DO to myself. I wear my clothes, I relax my hair, I dye my roots, etc.  I can always take these things off if these things aren't desirable to my man.  But to go natural is not "doing" anything to yourself. You're not "controlling" it, you're not "taming" it, "hiding" it, etc.  You're letting your hair be free to grow how God intended it to grow w/out chemicals. 



Smiley82 said:


> I know that they are both related to race, I said that... but they are NOT equal. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect yours...
> 
> *However, I think a black man telling his black girlfriend that he prefers white (or lighter) women is MUCH MORE HURTFUL than a black man jokingly expressing his true feelings about his girlfriends natural hair.*
> 
> ...



I'm being completely honest when I ask... What is your reasoning behind this comment in bold?  I'm just curious.  I'm wanting to see the difference that you mention, because to me it's pretty much one in the same.    Just one is more subtle than the other.  

Whereas, a man's "member" (as another poster mentioned lol!) is pretty much the SAME while born across the races.  No one race male baby comes out "uncut" while another race male infant baby is born "cut".      But black women are pretty much the only race of women with type 4 hair in general, so I'm just still trying to understand how this hair thing is not subtly about race in some way.


----------



## SmileyNY (Feb 18, 2011)

Crystalicequeen123 said:


> I can't thank you enough for this.
> 
> People don't realize that the hair/skin color analogy is actually a pretty good one.  Each one cannot be changed permanently.  Sure, you can bleach your skin to make it lighter, and relax your hair to make it straight.  But it can't change your biological makeup.   I can understand if a guy doesn't like a particular outfit I'm wearing, or the makeup I put on my face, etc...because these are not *a PART of me*. But my hair IS so much a PART of me, it basically makes up my physical/genetic makeup.  I think that's why AA women want their men to "accept" their hair in it's natural state.  To *NOT * accept it is basically (IMO) saying that you don't even accept the woman as she naturally IS.    Outfits, makeup, clothes, etc......These are things I DO to myself. I wear my clothes, I relax my hair, I dye my roots, etc.  I can always take these things off if these things aren't desirable to my man.  But to go natural is not "doing" anything to yourself. You're not "controlling" it, you're not "taming" it, "hiding" it, etc.  You're letting your hair be free to grow how God intended it to grow w/out chemicals.
> 
> ...



I don't understand HOW you are interpreting that I said hair isn't about race when I clearly stated that both hair & skin related to race. I also said that a him not liking kinky hair is a form of self hate. I said it's on a different LEVEL. 

I would leave a black man who told me he didn't like my skin color. I can't work with that. His self hate would be too deep for me. 

However, a black man that is ignorant about kinky hair (which A LOT are, they just kiss a lot of a** and are afraid to keep it real)... I could work with that. I like changing minds and enlightening ignorance when it comes to black hair. Whether it's with friends, family or my man. If we don't, who will???


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

HoneyA said:


> This is true. If he met you with permed hair, I think it is safe to say that's part of the whole package that attracted him to you from a physical standpoint even if it's only a small part. I didn't get that he was constantly putting MsLizzia down about her hair and making her feel bad like another poster mentioned. That is another issue and if that is the case then bid the dude farewell (no point dealing with psychological abuse) but she ASKED him how he feels about natural hair and he told her and was honest. I think he just mentioned the Asian hair part to prove his point.
> 
> MsLizzia you have a beautiful head of natural hair. I mean it's gorgeous so whether or not he likes it, tough, make sure you LOVE it. It's in the attitude. If he can't deal with it well he can S out. You chose to stop perming. You don't need his approval. *Was this just an interview to get his opinion for a blog post or do you really want him to say he loves your hair*?


HoneyA No this was really an interview. Anytime i have a family gathering , the topic of my hair always comes up with the men in the family because i am the only 1 that's natural. So i always ask them to do an interview about it for me, he was just the only 1 that i was able to get to as of now.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> OP,
> 
> So what if you were dark and your bf proclaimed that dark skin was undesirable, not as attractive, and that light skin was preferable to dark skin? What if he essentially stated that he would prefer your look more if you were light skinned? Would you be upset? Or would his musings about his dislike for dark skin and preference for light skin still be 'cute' and just 'his preference'?



jennboo Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but prior to me, all he dated was light skinned chicks cuz that was his preference. 

Nah yall can take that in run with it if yall want but the fact of the matter is *he is still with me n he is still mine.* Obviously he is able to see past preference and see something much deeper than just skin color and hair type.

I mean its no different than my preference being the football built typa man. He was skinny when we 1st started dating but that didn't stop me. He has gained weight since then but he's still not big. It was just my preference, it wasn't written in gold but I have been with him so long that i look past all that. Hell i don't even notice it anymore TO have to look past it


----------



## qchelle (Feb 18, 2011)

Smiley82 said:


> I know that they are both related to race, I said that... but they are NOT equal. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect yours...
> 
> However, I think a black man telling his black girlfriend that he prefers white (or lighter) women is MUCH MORE HURTFUL than a black man jokingly expressing his true feelings about his girlfriends natural hair.
> 
> ...



"I really don't like your hair texture.  I wish it looked like an Asian womans.  I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous!  You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair.  But this **** yall black women got on yalls head?  Nah son.  Negatory!  ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"

Your response: " You so crazy boy!  That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*

"I really don't like your skin color.  I wish it looked like a white womans.  I love light skin; I think it's gorgeous!  You would look so much better if your skin was light like a white persons skin.  But this dark **** that yall black women got goin on?  Nah son.  Dislike! ....But you still my favorite girl! *downloads tons of pics of the lightskindedeeedddedd-ness to his computer*

Your response: "...I hate you!"

*Does not comprehend*


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

*****UPDATE*****
So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway *here is his response.....*

How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2 

tapioca_pudding
EllePixie
HoneyA
ksly4ever


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> "I really don't like your hair texture. I wish it looked like an Asian womans. I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair. But this **** yall black women got on yalls head?  Nah son. Negatory! ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"
> 
> Your response: " You so crazy boy! That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*
> 
> ...


 
You are just cuttin up!


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> "I really don't like your hair texture.  I wish it looked like an Asian womans.  I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous!  You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair.  But this **** yall black women got on yalls head?  Nah son.  Negatory!  ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"
> 
> Your response: " You so crazy boy!  That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*
> 
> ...



LMAO!!!!!!!


----------



## qchelle (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> *****UPDATE*****
> So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway *here is his response.....*
> 
> How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2



OMG! I can't wait to hear his response!!!  Off to view video!!

ETA: Ohhh it's a bloggy thingy. Okay...off to read then.

ETA2: Okay, I read it.  Tell him thank you for taking the time out to write such a well-written response (I thought it was well written )!  It was a very nice read.  And while I disagree with him on most of the points he made, I can still appreciate good writing style.

I do, however, have some questions



> I don’t mean to be offensive, but if that’s how your man is, who’s really the “Man” in the relationship? Who’s eating the cake Anne Mae? (That’s a joke btw)



I really want to get the joke  Can someone please explain it to me!  The man in your relationship is...you?  Meaning the woman?  Because of what now?  I know it's a joke, and I just want to understand it...even if I don't find it funny once I learn what the joke is 



> that some readers say that because of these “black man” views they don’t date African American men.



Someone said this?  I must have missed that...


----------



## empressri (Feb 18, 2011)

OMG I laughed sooo damn hard at his response! Love it.


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

Wow...I think he completely missed the point. And the way he automatically reached and asked the question that to love natural hair you need to dislike straight or relaxed hair...this is what annoys me to no end. It's like, if you love natural hair and are not naive enough to "get" the association between natural hair, race, and self hatred in the black community, you have to hate straight hair? And the Angela Davis antics? I was fine with the first interview because I mean he told the truth and you did ask him, but he probably should have just quit while he was ahead (or behind, depending on your answer).


----------



## SmileyNY (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> "I really don't like your hair texture.  I wish it looked like an Asian womans.  I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous!  You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair.  But this **** yall black women got on yalls head?  Nah son.  Negatory!  ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"
> 
> Your response: " You so crazy boy!  That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*
> 
> ...



Wooow! lmaooo! All that, huh? Really tho? You are um... yea    




Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## MizzBrown (Feb 18, 2011)

empressri said:


> OMG I laughed sooo damn hard at his response! Love it.


 
I loved it too. Well said. I agreed with him the first time and knew most would gloss over it and take into another direction.

I'm glad he addressed the race issue. "Uncle Tom calling the kettle black!" LOL


----------



## SmileyNY (Feb 18, 2011)

MizzBrown said:


> I loved it too. Well said. I agreed with him the first time and knew most would gloss over it and take into another direction.
> 
> I'm glad he addressed the race issue. "Uncle Tom calling the kettle black!" LOL



Agreed. Good response. 


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## naturalagain2 (Feb 18, 2011)

Can't wait to read the responses......


----------



## curlyninjagirl (Feb 18, 2011)

OH man!  I don't even know where to begin with this dude's response!*

Okay, what "bothered" me the most was that he doesn't seem to understand how race and AFRO-textured hair correlate....ummmmm....Please tell me you're only feigning ignorance for the sake of the joke.

*resisting the urge not to have a militant flare-up. Must be all those "Tyler Perry movies"....


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

When I look at his picture (observe his features and hair type), his response is even more funny (in a sad type of way). A dark skinned black man with 4b type hair who prefers lightskin women with Asian hair 

 I hate it when people confuse hair type with hairstyle. The way your hair grows out of your head is not a style


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then...
> 
> I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking  features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people.
> 
> ...



jennboo  .. iCried


----------



## Poranges (Feb 18, 2011)

Bahahahahaha! OMG I loved his response.

"tossing weaves and wigs upon kindled fire while waiting for the individual to be burned at stake!"





Thank your man for the day's laugh.


----------



## Poranges (Feb 18, 2011)

LunadeMiel said:


> When I look at his picture (observe his features and hair type), his response is even more funny (in a sad type of way). A dark skinned black man with 4b type hair who prefers lightskin women with Asian hair
> 
> I hate it when people confuse hair type with hairstyle. The way your hair grows out of your head is not a style



Wait, where did he say he preferred fair complexioned women again? erplexed


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

SimpleKomplexity said:


> I'm not bashing you so sorry if it comes off wrong. I just hate the statement.
> 
> But OH EM GEE I am SOOO tired of hearing this dang statement. :hardslap: JUST cause it's natural it's supposed to be beautiful?! Naw son. That statement just sounds nice to say.
> 
> ...




TIME OF DEATH = 11:31 A.M


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> Wow...I think he completely missed the point. And the way he automatically reached and asked the question that to love natural hair you need to dislike straight or relaxed hair...this is what annoys me to no end. It's like, if you love natural hair and are not naive enough to "get" the association between natural hair, race, and self hatred in the black community, you have to hate straight hair? And the Angela Davis antics? I was fine with the first interview because I mean he told the truth and you did ask him, but he probably should have just quit while he was ahead (or behind, depending on your answer).



EllePixie  I didn't get any of this out of that to be honest Elle


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

Poranges said:


> Wait, where did he say he preferred fair complexioned women again? erplexed


 
Poranges Post number 162 



MsLizziA said:


> @jennboo Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but prior to me, all he dated was light skinned chicks cuz that was his preference.
> 
> Nah yall can take that in run with it if yall want but the fact of the matter is *he is still with me n he is still mine.* Obviously he is able to see past preference and see something much deeper than just skin color and hair type.
> 
> I mean its no different than my preference being the football built typa man. He was skinny when we 1st started dating but that didn't stop me. He has gained weight since then but he's still not big. It was just my preference, it wasn't written in gold but I have been with him so long that i look past all that. Hell i don't even notice it anymore TO have to look past it


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> EllePixie  I didn't get any of this out of that to be honest Elle



I'm referring to the question he asked at the end:

*So my question is this: should I love you all and hate all the other African-American women who don’t have natural hair?*

IMO, that question isn't even relevant. I'm not referring just to him, but there seems to be a general consensus that to love natural hair, you have to dislike straight hair. That's what he's implying by asking that question.


----------



## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

^^To me, that IS the general consensus.  Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil.  It's like all or nothing.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> I'm referring to the question he asked at the end:
> 
> *So my question is this: should I love you all and hate all the other African-American women who don’t have natural hair?*
> 
> IMO, that question isn't even relevant. I'm not referring just to him, but there seems to be a general consensus that to love natural hair, you have to dislike straight hair. That's what he's implying by asking that question.



It isn't literal. He is just looking at it from an extremist stand point. He's not really asking that. He said it in relation to the fact that he is basically being bashed because his girlfriend doesn't have straight hair and he doesn't like it. All he is really saying is its entirely too extreme and he shouldnt have to choose..


----------



## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> *****UPDATE*****
> So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway *here is his response.....*
> 
> How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2
> ...


I read his response... thanks for letting me know that he responded.  It was well written and humorous.  I still don't take it that deep, lol.  It's preference, people.  Preference.  Like a woman asking for a tall, dark handsome man.  So, what, the short light ugly brothas can't get no love for how they are NATURALLY made?    Preference.

And  @ that last comment on your blog: "Though I don’t even know why I am getting offended, I am biracial, with 3B hair, and light skin – the kind of hair self hating negroes fawn over. "  Who da **** wrote that?


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> ^^To me, that IS the general consensus.  Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil.  It's like all or nothing.



No ma'am, that's absolutely not true. I actually wrote a blog post responding to a guy who said that women who relax their hair are self haters. I don't think either end of the spectrum is healthy. People should recognize and address the deeper issues often associated with hair in the black community, BUT relaxing hair is not an automatic telltale sign of self-hate.

If you have the time, read the post and the comments...many natural haired women do not think that straight hair is the debil, I assure you.

Manifesto of a Former Self Hater


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> It isn't literal. He is just looking at it from an extremist stand point. He's not really asking that. He said it in relation to the fact that he is basically being bashed because his girlfriend doesn't have straight hair and he doesn't like it. All he is really saying is its entirely too extreme and he shouldnt have to choose..



But I didn't see where people were being extremist or let him know that he had to choose? Perhaps I didn't understand...oh well.


----------



## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> No ma'am, that's absolutely not true. I actually wrote a blog post responding to a guy who said that women who relax their hair are self haters. I don't think either end of the spectrum is healthy. People should recognize and address the deeper issues often associated with hair in the black community, BUT relaxing hair is not an automatic telltale sign of self-hate.
> 
> If you have the time, read the post and the comments...many natural haired women do not think that straight hair is the debil, I assure you.
> 
> Manifesto of a Former Self Hater



I read that post.  (I kinda stalk your blog..   ) I guess I'm basing my opinions off of threads here, the naturals that I know IRL and what I've seen/read in the past.  I may be wrong, but I'm just going for what I know.


----------



## qchelle (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> ^^To me, that IS the general consensus.  Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil.  It's like all or nothing.



Really? Hmm...I never got that feeling as the general consensus.  IMO most natchals constantly brag about how versatile their hair is and how they _can _still wear it straight, how they have the best of both worlds (straight and nappy), etc.


----------



## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

^^Like I said, maybe I'm wrong.   I just base my opinions off of what *I've* seen/read/heard/watched.  I do hear the 'versatile' comments a lot tho.


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> I read that post.  (I kinda stalk your blog..   ) I guess I'm basing my opinions off of threads here, the naturals that I know IRL and what I've seen/read in the past.  I may be wrong, but I'm just going for what I know.



LOL!!! I understand what you are saying...I think it just depends on where you are looking and whom you are talking to. In the past year a lot of my friends IRL have gone natural, and NONE of them look down on women with relaxed hair - it just doesn't need to be that deep. It just turns a positive into a negative.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> I read his response... thanks for letting me know that he responded.  It was well written and humorous.  I still don't take it that deep, lol.  It's preference, people.  Preference.  Like a woman asking for a tall, dark handsome man.  So, what, the short light ugly brothas can't get no love for how they are NATURALLY made?    Preference.
> 
> And  @ that last comment on your blog: "*Though I don’t even know why I am getting offended, I am biracial, with 3B hair, and light skin – the kind of hair self hating negroes fawn over. "  Who da **** wrote that?*



tapioca_pudding girl what! i didn't even read that yet...


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> LOL!!! I understand what you are saying...I think it just depends on where you are looking and whom you are talking to. In the past year a lot of my friends IRL have gone natural, and NONE of them look down on women with relaxed hair - it just doesn't need to be that deep. It just turns a positive into a negative.



Yea i stalk it too! I read that 1 .. i remember it.. i liked it


----------



## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> LOL!!! I understand what you are saying...I think it just depends on where you are looking and whom you are talking to. In the past year a lot of my friends IRL have gone natural, and NONE of them look down on women with relaxed hair - it just doesn't need to be that deep. It just turns a positive into a negative.



Yes, perception is reality and vice versa.  It does depend on where you look and who you're surrounded by.  The natural ladies that I know IRL are nazi's and dang near disowned me when I texlaxed my hair last summer.. yassss.. it was that deep.... erplexed 

Either way it goes, you like what you like.  Kinky/curly/coily/silky/swangy...


----------



## nappystorm (Feb 18, 2011)

Hmmm. I didn't mind what he said in Part I but Part II got the sideeye. I think it's the "at least she's got a man so that trumps everything yall are saying" mentality...erplexed


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## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA YES!!  I was like who in da **** would leave that comment!! I'm assuming it's a joke of course, which is why I cracked up!


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> Yes, perception is reality and vice versa.  It does depend on where you look and who you're surrounded by.  The natural ladies that I know IRL are nazi's and dang near disowned me when I texlaxed my hair last summer.. yassss.. it was that deep.... erplexed
> 
> Either way it goes, you like what you like.  Kinky/curly/coily/silky/swangy...



Yea see that's not cool either. It's funny...my ex said to me one time, "You know, I don't even like relaxed hair anymore, it looks fake, I prefer it curly." And I was like ERRRR NOPE don't even say that mess because 1) you know you a damn lie 2) don't overcompensate to try to make me feel good about my hair, it's not necessary because I am already good with it. NOPE NOPE NOPE!!! Sorry for the caps but when he said that I about died from my eyes rolling into my brain.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> MsLizziA YES!!  I was like who in da **** would leave that comment!! I'm assuming it's a joke of course, which is why I cracked up!



tapioca_pudding the hard part is that its not a joke... she is dead damn serious.. she stated in part 1 that she's 19 and has never had a perm


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## kandake (Feb 18, 2011)

I enjoyed his response.  I wish the initial dialogue was in this same format.

As for his views, I don't necessarily agree but I'm not dating him so it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

As for SO's liking natural hair, it would be an important factor for me because it's who I am.  Something that I love, enjoy and embrace.  I would want my SO to embrace it as well.  

Let's be real, our hair, our feelings about it and the history behind is more than your SO not liking your earrings or the way you chew your food or whatever random thing spouses don't like about one another.  It's much more dynamic than that.

I guess I'll stop there because I'm on my phone and I cant believe I've typed out this much.


----------



## Freespirit02 (Feb 18, 2011)

ms-gg said:


> You get a standing ovation from me, you and Shortdub's posts are on point.  And hunny they are out there.  My_ boyfriend_ initially didn't like my bc, but almost 5 years later, and almost 9 years together, my *fiance loves my natural hair and would kick my butt if I started relaxing my hair again!
> *
> They are out there!




Girl my husband threatened to divorce me if I permed! Talking about I didn't read the fine print in our marriage license.lol


----------



## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

His response is just as bogus as the original "interview". I stopped reading after this: 



> but if you let a good man go because he doesn’t like (but is willing to tolerate) your hair, (let me articulate this right… -clears throat-) you S.T.U.P.I.D.!



Really? You need to have "tolerance" for my hair texture? If that aint some ignorant bs. 

At this point all I can do is laugh at this whole situation. It's just not worth being offended. Like another poster said, the whole issue went right over his head. 

I'm just glad that my *new* man actually likes my hair and doesn't have to muster up enough emotion to "tolerate" it. Yall just gonna have to call me stupid for letting that other one go


----------



## HoneyA (Feb 18, 2011)

Well I for one thought the response was funny but I am not trying to analyse it. Just as I thought, he was using Asian hair to prove his point. What I can't understand is that up until a few years ago, most of the same ladies here wearing their natural hair now were permed, frying and dying their hair for years, only recently actually started wearing their hair as it grows out of their scalp and now want to act like if they have no clue what MsLizzia's BF is talking about and can't possibly get where he is coming from. Acting.brand.new. I just cannot understand it. 

Like I said if he were putting her down constantly and making her feel like crap because of her natural tresses then I could agree with the comments to leave him. That's not what's happening from what I understand.

ETA:This whole situation is mystifying. I wore my hair natural for years and never got any problems with any of the guys I went out with. Maybe it has to do with location.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> His response is just as bogus as the original "interview". I stopped reading after this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


anti-babymama eh to each his own.. but i am more than sure their will be something that you tolerate from the new man. Whether it be hair, a job, or a habit he has.. nobody is perfect


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## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @anti-babymama eh to each his own.. but i am more than sure their will be something that you tolerate from the new man. Whether it be hair, a job, or a habit he has.. nobody is perfect


 
Of course nobody is perfect, but if you need 'tolerance' for something that I have no control over (my hair texture, skin tone, height etc) then I'm sorry that's some bs. 

"Tolerance" is for stuff like leaving the cap off the toothpaste, or using the last of the toilet paper and not putting out a new roll. That's completely different from somebody tolerating a hair texture but yeah like you said...to each her own.


----------



## Crystalicequeen123 (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> ^^To me, that IS the general consensus.  Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil.  It's like all or nothing.



LOL!    Well, there are some that think that way.   Some OTHER boards come to mind immediately.  

But I PERSONALLY don't feel like straight hair is the devil.   If people want to wear their hair straight, let them wear it straight!  

I just like to see women wearing their natural texture w/out chemicals that's all. I'm actually *HAPPY *that more and more AA women are seeing that we have options.  We don't have to accept a "one size fits all" mentality.     Have you ever asked yourself why every _other_ race of woman can wear her own natural hair that grows from her scalp but BLACK women cannot?  Why is it men of all races can have a "preference" for any hair type that's NOT like other black women's?      I know we may call it a "preference" and all, but where are those people who "prefer" kinky hair?  Why aren't we hearing about them in droves?  Could it be that society has shaped our views more than we think?  



EllePixie said:


> But I didn't see where people were being extremist or let him know that he had to choose? Perhaps I didn't understand...oh well.



Well IDK about anyone else, but for me it wasn't the fact that I felt like he had to pick one extreme over the other.   That's not it at all.  I just wish that more AA men would see the beauty in natural hair, or at least appreciate natural hair on AA females.  And it could be that it will simply take time, years, and education about our hair before our AA men finally feel comfortable with it. That's understandable.   IMO they seem to already "accept" natural hair on other race women, why not on the women of your own race?   If a white woman has naturally straight hair....*EMBRACE *it!  If a hispanic woman has naturally wavy/curly hair...EMBRACE that!  I'm not knocking women who have straight or relaxed hair at all.  It just warms my heart to see more and more women (AND men) embracing the natural hair that grows from their scalps without feeling like you're "making a statement", or stating some "political" stance, or being "militant".    If a white woman with her straight NATURAL hair can wear it like that everyday without being questioned about whether or not she's making a "statement" or is bitter/angry, then why can't AA women? 

If we really ask ourselves these questions then we'll start to see that it really does go a little bit beyond just having a "preference".   It goes a little deeper than that.


----------



## ladyviper (Feb 18, 2011)

I don't think she said she was looking for perfection. Just acceptance.



MsLizziA said:


> *****UPDATE*****
> So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway *here is his response.....*
> 
> How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2
> ...





MsLizziA said:


> @anti-babymama eh to each his own.. but i am more than sure their will be something that you tolerate from the new man. Whether it be hair, a job, or a habit he has.. nobody is perfect


----------



## NicWhite (Feb 18, 2011)

We are all allowed to have preferences (I whole heartedly believe that).....but we should be repectful.

The OP says that she likes men who are more muscular, her boyfriend is not that. Let's examine two senerios.

Senerio 1:

*Man*: "Baby how do you like my natural chest?"
*Woman*: "It's alright but you know I liked it better when you had more muscles"
*Man*: "Really but, but what about my natural chest"
*Woman*: "Look honey, I love you, I've been with you for 5 years. I'm not going anywhere but I,.....my preference is a more muscular chest. If you want to keep your natural chest I'm fine with it." *smiles* 

Senerio 2:

*Man*: "Baby how do you like my natural chest?"
*Woman*: "Well, really you need to get in the gym and sculpt that skinny *blank, blank*"
*Man*: "Really but, but what about my natural chest"
*Woman*: "Look honey, I love you, I've been with you for 5 years. I'm not going anywhere but this is what I like"  *quickly looks up pics as a example, comes back smiling and showing what she found* ics:













Does scenerio 2, sound good when presented to strangers who are trying to embrace their natural chest? One has to know that all they are going to get is a bunch of 

OP, I respect your man's preferences. I guess for me the comment I mentioned in my previous post was the thing that was offensive. Tis' all.


----------



## danysedai (Feb 18, 2011)

SimpleKomplexity said:


> WELL don't like uncircumcised penises. Little boys are born like that NATURALLY, but the thing looks like an anteater that's hiding and ish. (And NO it is NOT different. Go look it up. There is really no need to be circumsiced. I think we do it in America for "hygeine" and "look factors" to be honest. You don't see lil English willy wonkers walking around all cut and ish. In fact more than half of the world's men are uncircumcised. That says a lot. )
> 
> *



Totally off topic but that's so funny because back home nobody is circumcised, DH is not, and in fact I've never seen a circumcised one . So to me,it's the other way around. And I live in Canada now and I won't be doing that to my boy.(oh and Dh's you-know-what is very clean lol).


----------



## nappystorm (Feb 18, 2011)

danysedai said:


> Totally off topic but that's so funny because back home nobody is circumcised, DH is not, and in fact I've never seen a circumcised one . So to me,it's the other way around. And I live in Canada now and I won't be doing that to my boy.(oh and Dh's you-know-what is very clean lol).


I prefer uncut too. They are usually bigger


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## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

NM..,.......


----------



## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> anti-babymama eh to each his own.. but i am more than sure their will be something that you tolerate from the new man. Whether it be hair, a job, or a habit he has.. nobody is perfect


^^I was gonna post the same thing.  We all 'tolerate' something.  Maybe "tolerate" isn't the best word, but it is what it is.  You aren't going to loooove every thiiiiing about yo boooooo.  Nah son, it don't work like that.  If your hair is high up on your list of things that your SO should accept/love, then cool.  But's personally I'm more worried that he accepts/loves other things than my hair.  But again, dats jus me.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> Of course nobody is perfect, but if you need 'tolerance' for something that I have no control over (my hair texture, skin tone, height etc) then I'm sorry that's some bs.
> 
> "Tolerance" is for stuff like leaving the cap off the toothpaste, or using the last of the toilet paper and not putting out a new roll. That's completely different from somebody tolerating a hair texture but yeah like you said...to each her own.


anti-babymama i think the most misleading word in this entire conversation is the word "natural". When we say it, we are picturing textured hairstyles and what comes out of our head with 0 manipulation.

He doesn't prefer textured styles but straight ones because i have worn my hair straight. As a matter of fact, he even says in pt.2 and i quote 

*"Lastly, I don’t know how it became a topic of race. I’ve seen women of every race whose hair I wasn’t fond of at some point; “Asian” hair is just my way of saying straight and silky. This is all too possible with natural hair. I’ve seen it with my own eyes! [Gabby cue the link] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_EaMZtg1n0"*

So i COULD wear my hair straight if i wanted to, chemical free, but i PREFER not to because i am scared of heat damage.  He's really just sayin he prefers the straight look whether achieve with or without the use of chemicals


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

NicWhite said:


> We are all allowed to have preferences (I whole heartedly believe that).....but we should be repectful.
> 
> The OP says that she likes men who are more muscular, her boyfriend is not that. Let's examine two senerios.
> 
> ...



NicWhite POINT WELL TAKEN!


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

danysedai said:


> Totally off topic but that's so funny because back home nobody is circumcised, DH is not, and in fact I've never seen a circumcised one . So to me,it's the other way around. And I live in Canada now and I won't be doing that to my boy.(oh and Dh's you-know-what is very clean lol).


 
I've never been with a cut one. I've seen a some (on TV ) I think they look bald and funny looking


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## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @anti-babymama i think the most misleading word in this entire conversation is the word "natural". When we say it, we are picturing textured hairstyles and what comes out of our head with 0 manipulation.
> 
> He doesn't prefer textured styles but straight ones because i have worn my hair straight. As a matter of fact, he even says in pt.2 and i quote
> 
> ...


 

MsLizziA None of this changes anything


----------



## Poranges (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> jennboo Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but prior to me, all he dated was light skinned chicks cuz that was his preference.
> 
> Nah yall can take that in run with it if yall want but the fact of the matter is *he is still with me n he is still mine.* Obviously he is able to see past preference and see something much deeper than just skin color and hair type.
> 
> I mean its no different than my preference being the football built typa man. He was skinny when we 1st started dating but that didn't stop me. He has gained weight since then but he's still not big. It was just my preference, it wasn't written in gold but I have been with him so long that i look past all that. Hell i don't even notice it anymore TO have to look past it



Hmmm... Umm....


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> MsLizziA None of this changes anything



I think you missed it but ok


----------



## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> I think you missed it but ok


 

irony


----------



## jennboo (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> ^^To me, that IS the general consensus. Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil. It's like all or nothing.


 
 Not true. 

I'm pretty firm about my belief that a head of natural hair trumps all. With that said, the 'natural' can be black people's natural hair, white people's natural hair, indian peoples' natural hair, chinese people's natural hair...and we all know many people from these groups have 'straighter' hair... naturally.

So, yea, i can appreciate a healthy head of straight hair when it grows out of ones head like that. When highly textured hair is processed to look straight, it usually just looks blah (thin, dead, greasy, picked out, etc) and not as good as the natch. KT is a good example of a natural whose hair looks WAY BETTER in it's natural state than it does straightened. 

I can't stand processed hair though, it never looks as good as the hair type that the processed one is trying to emulate lol. 

A friend of mine just cut off her relaxed hair and took off her helmet (weave w/bangs) and she, seriously, looks 100% prettier, cuter, etc.


----------



## Poranges (Feb 18, 2011)

OP, although the way your boyfriend conveyed his message came off as ignorant, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt....

HOWEVER....I don't know. The way you're explaining it. He only dates fair, straight/long haired women before you...but he met you, and from your pictures you look dark/brown complexioned and your natural hair isn't all that long yet. So if the prior description is his preference....hmmm...I really don't know. Starting to get a lil sketchy.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

Poranges said:


> OP, although the way your boyfriend conveyed his message came off as ignorant, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt....
> 
> HOWEVER....I don't know. The way you're explaining it. He only dates fair, straight/long haired women before you...but he met you, and from your pictures you look dark/brown complexioned and your natural hair isn't all that long yet. So if the prior description is his preference....hmmm...I really don't know. Starting to get a lil sketchy.



Poranges I think your making into something its not.... all im saying is that he had a preference AND SO DID I! We weren't what each other preferred physically but a person's entire view can change once you get to know somebody. Yes i am brown skinned... and im still not understanding the confusion.....

When he sees me, he doesnt SEE a brown skinned chick with natural hair, he sees Gabby , his gf.. not "my gf that doesn't have light skin and asian silky hair"


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

I think the takeaway from this thread is that we all know people that say things that can be considered "off," but we're fine with what they are saying because we KNOW them and have an idea of the kind of person they are. However, when you relay these thoughts to strangers that do not know that person, it can go awry because others don't have any kind of perception of the person to begin with.


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## Poranges (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> Poranges I think your making into something its not.... all im saying is that he had a preference AND SO DID I! We weren't what each other preferred physically but a person's entire view can change once you get to know somebody. Yes i am brown skinned... and im still not understanding the confusion.....
> 
> When he sees me, he doesnt SEE a brown skinned chick with natural hair, he sees Gabby , his gf.. not "my gf that doesn't have light skin and asian silky hair"



As long as you all are good in your relationship, do you girl.


----------



## LongLeggedLife (Feb 18, 2011)

lolpart 2.

This actually makes me think about many other relationship/beauty issues and my own level of acceptance/tolerance/vanity/security.

I guess I have to be with a man who knows how to blow enough smoke up my a$$ that I believe I'm the pinnacle of what he is attracted toLOL.  I do not think I would be comfortable with a person that prefers the physical opposite of what I am.

I would want him to be more like : I love your hair, your toenails, your complexion, your own personal style. "Tolerance" of what I look like??...idk about that one....


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## Kurlee (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @jennboo Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but prior to me, all he dated was light skinned chicks cuz that was his preference.


i expected as much


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## qchelle (Feb 18, 2011)

_*tick* *tick* Uh! *tick*  I like a long-haired, thick redbone. Open up her legs and filet mignon that p****_

  

Ok yall, maybe we should stop raggin on him.  We don't want him to be one of those "I don't date BW because they was mean to me when I was broke" type negros if he ever gets famous one day  Although that line of thinking does crack me up everytime


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## Kurlee (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> OMG! I can't wait to hear his response!!!  Off to view video!!
> 
> ETA: Ohhh it's a bloggy thingy. Okay...off to read then.
> 
> ...


don't agree with a word he said, but he is a fantastic writer (style)!


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> _*tick* *tick* Uh! *tick*  I like a long-haired, thick redbone. Open up her legs and filet mignon that p****_
> 
> 
> 
> Ok yall, maybe we should stop raggin on him.  We don't want him to be one of those "I don't date BW because they was mean to me when I was broke" type negros if he ever gets famous one day  Although that line of thinking does crack me up everytime


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle lol! yea that's all he's saying


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

Kurlee said:


> don't agree with a word he said, but he is a fantastic writer (style)!



Kurlee He does! Hell prior to this article *I* didnt even know he could write that good!


----------



## tapioca_pudding (Feb 18, 2011)

Can we start with the .gifs now?!?!?!?   



 GIFSoup


----------



## Kurlee (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @Kurlee He does! Hell prior to this article *I* didnt even know he could write that good!


he should definitely do something with that! I enjoyed it.  That's definitely a talent he has there


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> Can we start with the .gifs now?!?!?!?
> 
> 
> 
> GIFSoup



I been waiting for the GIFs


----------



## **SaSSy** (Feb 18, 2011)

tapioca_pudding said:


> Can we start with the .gifs now?!?!?!?
> 
> 
> 
> GIFSoup




Oh yea:






I'm surprise this thread is still alive, it must be a slow day on LHCF


----------



## JayAnn0513 (Feb 18, 2011)

LunadeMiel said:


> When I look at his picture (observe his features and hair type), his response is even more funny (in a sad type of way). A dark skinned black man with 4b type hair who prefers lightskin women with Asian hair
> 
> I hate it when people confuse hair type with hairstyle. The way your hair grows out of your head is not a style



No one is walking around in public with their hair exactly the way it grows out of their head. My wash n go is a style, so is my twist out, Dominican blow out, braid and curl, etc. And those are the only way people besides y'all see my hair. I'm not walking around with naked hair it looks a mess like most folks.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


----------



## Poohbear (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA

He didn't say much in the text messages back and forth, but I actually thought what he said in Part 2 of your blog was fine and nothing to get upset about.... and I have natural hair myself, however, my boyfriend likes my hair.

...but on a more positive note from the rest of the thread... you two look great as a couple in that picture on your blog, and I like your natural hair too!


----------



## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

I just read the response of OP's boyfriend.  Love it!  I am sure that quieted the mouths of those who assumed he was ignorant and judged all kind of other stuff about him because of your initial interview.

I wouldn't sweat any of this.  Opinions are like ___holes, everyone has one.  You have a good looking articulate and funny brother who obviously loves and supports you.  I am willing to bet some of these I hate a brother who doesn't love my hair types are sitting at their computers with water in their eyes wishing they had the same. Keep doing you.


----------



## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

shortdub78 said:


> who said anything about kicking anyone to the curb? who said anything about not having patience? and how did you get hypocrisy from my post? i know you are not trying to call me a hypocrite!
> but lets call a spade a spade. it's not a preference, it is something Black folks have been forced and conditioned to accept Eurocentric standards of beauty for years. *it's one thing to say you don't like something, it's another when you compare someone that looks nothing like them or compare them to something they will never be able to achieve. i find it crazy that he tried to find Asian hair pics instead of AA hair pics with straight hair.* please let's be real about this. this is about self-hatred and race, not about preferences. please stop sugar-coating it. once we can be honest with ourselves, then we can help the masses.


 
Child breathe!!!

We all have our war stories. We have all been victims of someone's self hatred. That being said, just because some of you decide to grow a fro yesterday doesn't make you the judge and jury over someone else's preferences, self hatred or whatever. And if some of you soul fros are so against race hatred, stop hating on fellow Blacks who don't happen to think like you do. And believe it or not, just because we are Black doesn't mean we can't possibly have a healthy preference for straight hair. Nothing personal shortdub78.

And by the way, those who were beaten and killed for all of our civil rights had straight hair, natural hair, preferences for one or the other type of hair and different shades of skin but had enough love for the Black race to put themselves in harms way for us.  You don't want to be judged by your hair, don't judge someone else's book when you have only peeped the first page.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

Poohbear said:


> MsLizziA
> 
> He didn't say much in the text messages back and forth, but I actually thought what he said in Part 2 of your blog was fine and nothing to get upset about.... and I have natural hair myself, however, my boyfriend likes my hair.
> 
> ...bu*t on a more positive note from the rest of the thread... you two look great as a couple in that picture on your blog, and I like your natural hair too!*



Poohbear Thanks!


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I just read the response of OP's boyfriend.  Love it!  I am sure that quieted the mouths of those who assumed he was ignorant and judged all kind of other stuff about him because of your initial interview.
> 
> I wouldn't sweat any of this.  *Opinions are like ___holes, everyone has one*.  You have a good looking articulate and funny brother who obviously loves and supports you.  I am willing to bet some of these I hate a brother who doesn't love my hair types are sitting at their computers with water in their eyes wishing they had the same. Keep doing you.



LMAO!!!  Thanks and where have you been the whole time i been on LHCF? I like you! reeko43


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

JayAnn0513 said:


> No one is walking around in public with their hair exactly the way it grows out of their head. My wash n go is a style, so is my twist out, Dominican blow out, braid and curl, etc. And those are the only way people besides y'all see my hair. I'm not walking around with naked hair it looks a mess like most folks.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


 

Oh I do, and so do many ladies here


----------



## Poohbear (Feb 18, 2011)

JayAnn0513 said:


> No one is walking around in public with their hair exactly the way it grows out of their head. My wash n go is a style, so is my twist out, Dominican blow out, braid and curl, etc. And those are the only way people besides y'all see my hair. I'm not walking around with naked hair it looks a mess like most folks.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using LHCF



*EXACTLY!* I've tried saying this in a few other threads on LHCF, and no one understood what I was saying.

There was this natural girl that was speaking strongly against heat straightening, but she had her hair in afro puffs. Then I mentioned how those afro puffs aren't how your hair grows out of your head either.


----------



## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> I actually did do this. I understand that for some people it's just hair and being natural is a style choice. I get that. But for me it isn't, and I'm not gonna pretend that it's not that deep. I can deal with you not liking my outfit, or my nail polish or something, but when you have a problem with the way my hair naturally comes out of my scalp then that's an issue. I don't need anybody to "stick by me" despite my nappy hair. To me: _"Imma stick by you even though you got nappy hair" _is an insult.


 
So let me get this straight.  You were relaxed and dated a guy for years who loved you and treated you well but kicked old boy to the curb because you went natural and he still had a preference for straight hair?  That was the only reason?   Ummmmmm ok.

Well there a plenty of women who want a good man who would love and treat them right and could give a flying fig about him not liking the way they wear their hair.  Too bad you didn't have my number when you decided to do this.  You could have passed him on over my way and I would have hooked a brother up!


----------



## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I just read the response of OP's boyfriend. Love it! I am sure that quieted the mouths of those who assumed he was ignorant and judged all kind of other stuff about him because of your initial interview.
> 
> I wouldn't sweat any of this. Opinions are like ___holes, everyone has one. You have a good looking articulate and funny brother who obviously loves and supports you. I am willing to bet some of these I hate a brother who doesn't love my hair types are sitting at their computers with water in their eyes wishing they had the same. Keep doing you.


 
I assumed he was ignorant with the initial interview, and he confirmed it with part 2.


----------



## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

@reeko43 I see you're in Maryland. If you want him you can have his @ss. Guess what? he's still single


----------



## Chanteuse (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> Child breathe!!!
> 
> We all have our war stories. We have all been victims of someone's self hatred. That being said, _just because some of you decide to grow a fro *yesterday* doesn't make you the judge and jury over someone else's preferences, self hatred or whatever_. And if some of you _*soul fros*_ are so against race hatred, stop hating on fellow Blacks who don't happen to think like you do. And believe it or not, just because we are Black doesn't mean we can't possibly have a healthy preference for straight hair. Nothing personal shortdub78.
> 
> And by the way, those who were beaten and killed for all of our civil rights had straight hair, natural hair, preferences for one or the other type of hair and different shades of skin but had enough love for the Black race to put themselves in harms way for us.  *You don't want to be judged by your hair, don't judge someone else's book when you have only peeped the first page.*



Excellent post and , , and  at "soul fros"


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> reeko 43 I see you're in Maryland. If you want him you can have his @ss. Guess what? he's still single



You are not playin' today, are you?


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> I assumed he was ignorant with the initial interview, and he confirmed it with part 2.



anti-babymama im think your the ignorant one.. there was nothing ignorant about part 2


----------



## 10WordzOrLess (Feb 18, 2011)

I applaud YOU and your bf for being sharing, and I think an honest point of view was both helpful and hilarious. You guys are quite the pair. 

Only you two know what's going on in your relationship, and I think it shows a great amount of maturity and SECURITY in yourself to bring us the story. As a natural woman, I see why people would be upset, I mean we all want to be appreciate for what God made us. As a woman with a height requirement, I can see where your bf comes from as well! The love of my life might turn out to be 5ft 2in, won't stop me preferring a tall dude till I find him erplexed


Keep up the good work, and:


----------



## ladyviper (Feb 18, 2011)

I have learned nothing special from this thread which is a shame since I have spent (wasted) so much time reading it. Oh actually I did realize one thing: I'm so glad I live in Europe and that's my preference. Like everyone is entitled to their own.


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

Ladies, it doesn't have to be either or. It's possible to find an man that loves you, treat you well, is supportive and accepts you as you were made  I guess I'm lucky cause DH would not have had a chance to become DH if he spewed some ignorant mess like that. I wish a negro would tell me to go relax my hair


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

JussaLady said:


> I applaud YOU and your bf for being sharing, and I think an honest point of view was both helpful and hilarious. You guys are quite the pair.
> 
> Only you two know what's going on in your relationship, and I think it shows a great amount of maturity and SECURITY in yourself to bring us the story. As a natural woman, I see why people would be upset, I mean we all want to be appreciate for what God made us. As a woman with a height requirement, I can see where your bf comes from as well! The love of my life might turn out to be 5ft 2in, won't stop me preferring a tall dude till I find him erplexed
> 
> ...


JussaLady Thanks a bunch!


----------



## Lucie (Feb 18, 2011)

Etherealsmile26 said:


> I find it a huge turn off for a man not to accept my hair the way God created it...why should i be with such an individual when I can find a free minded, independent thinker who accepts my hair the way it grows out of my scalp?
> 
> If a man wants a woman with silky strands growing out of their scalp then he certainly should have her, i just know i'm not her though.
> 
> No thank you


 
THANKS IS NOT ENOUGH!



LunadeMiel said:


> I guess I'll act brand new because he could not be my man. Yes, a man would get kicked to the curb nor not liking something that naturally comes out of my head  I cringe everytime I hear a black person say to another to go perm that shyte  Skin bleacking isn't permanent either (under normal circumstances) yet we would be up in arms in her bf told her to bleach that shyt


 
Exactement Luna! I wish I would tell a man I did not like how God made him and hope he finds support from a message board telling him, there's no problem with my statement. 



qchelle said:


> "I really don't like your hair texture. I wish it looked like an Asian womans. I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair. But this **** yall black women got on yalls head?  Nah son. Negatory! ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"
> 
> Your response: " You so crazy boy! That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*
> 
> ...


 
I do not comprehend either. This thread reminds of the Golden Girls. So many slick comments would come out of Dorothy's mouth and Rose was always like  .



anti-babymama said:


> Of course nobody is perfect, but if you need 'tolerance' for something that I have no control over (my hair texture, skin tone, height etc) then I'm sorry that's some bs.
> 
> "Tolerance" is for stuff like leaving the cap off the toothpaste, or using the last of the toilet paper and not putting out a new roll. That's completely different from somebody tolerating a hair texture but yeah like you said...to each her own.


 
THANKS! I have been natural for over a year and I am not a militant natural. There was a woman last week at Target with the most beautiful relaxed hair, I wanted to touch it. Of course I did NOT but still loved every strand of it!  I don't understand why so many think people with similar opinions as mine are acting brand new. At least no one mentioned they paid their $6.50 to say what they feel yet.


----------



## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> I assumed he was ignorant with the initial interview, and he confirmed it with part 2.


 

Well you know what they say about assuming................


----------



## chebaby (Feb 18, 2011)

ummmm i walk around with naked wash and go hair all the time. is that a style? nooooo thats the way my hair grows outta my head.


----------



## Charz (Feb 18, 2011)

Hey if she likes it, I love it. To each their own.

Like my mother says, "she picked him." :shrug:


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

chebaby said:


> ummmm i walk around with naked wash and go hair all the time. is that a style? nooooo thats the way my hair grows outta my head.


 
child my naked wash and goes are the best. I don't do them often now because my hair tends to swallow my head. All you see is hair and a face peeking through


----------



## snillohsss (Feb 18, 2011)

chebaby said:


> ummmm i walk around with naked wash and go hair all the time. is that a style? nooooo thats the way my hair grows outta my head.



Yeah me too.


----------



## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> @reeko 43 I see you're in Maryland. If you want him you can have his @ss. Guess what? he's still single


 

I'z married now!  And happily at that.  I was talking about hooking up others.  But me thinks you are watering down the story to make your point.  You seem a little too snippy for your break up to have been all about hair.   But hey, I wish you well and hope if you haven't found the man that is truly for you that you find him soon so that he can take some of the edge off and turn your frown upside down if you know what I mean


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)




----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


>



So random Elle


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> So random Elle



Gabby my boo this thread has gone off the deep end with women arguing about why people ain'ts gots no manses, what is natural hair anyway, penises, and name calling...so it's time for random!!!


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> Gabby my boo this thread has gone off the deep end with women arguing about why people ain'ts gots no manses, what is natural hair anyway, penises, and name calling...so it's time for random!!!



lol! REAL!


----------



## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

i would seriously fight a few of you  .......

(correction, whip some azzzzzz)


----------



## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXTR3ScefnQ   some random 

i actually love the accent(*s)*


----------



## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> I'z married now! And happily at that. I was talking about hooking up others. But me thinks you are watering down the story to make your point. You seem a little too snippy for your break up to have been all about hair. But hey, I wish you well and hope if you haven't found the man that is truly for you that you find him soon so that he can take some of the edge off and turn your frown upside down if you know what I mean


 
Where are you getting this from? Who says I'm frowning? 

I'm not watering down anything. I said a page or two ago that for ME it was an issue. To ME, somebody feeling like they need to "tolerate" a part of me is a problem. Why is that so hard to believe?


----------



## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT said:


> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXTR3ScefnQ   some random
> 
> i actually love the accent(*s)*



I CAN'T!!!! 

She DOES NOT talk like that all the time....lawd!!!! 

ETA: I see that she said she was talking like that just for this video...still laughing


----------



## frida1980 (Feb 18, 2011)

Why do men sound like such jerks sometimes? Seriously  the way he deliverEd both messages lacked tact. But I have a serious question OP, why didn't you Ask his opinion two years ago before you went natural? Seems kinda late to be learning this.


----------



## MsBoinglicious (Feb 18, 2011)

What in the pigeon skeet’s is going on up in here?! 

So much randomness!


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

frida1980 said:


> Why do men sound like such jerks sometimes? Seriously  the way he deliverEd both messages lacked tact. But I have a serious question OP, why didn't you Ask his opinion two years ago before you went natural? Seems kinda late to be learning this.



frida1980 i did..n im not late learning it, im late sharing it


----------



## Soul♥Flower (Feb 18, 2011)

I agree with his response. 

This is how I feel about the whole thing, if my FH ever comes and tells me he doesn't like the natural hair look, and he prefers straight hair on black women, I would be a little annoyed but really ...Ok. 
He doesn't like my hair, and I'm sure there are a few other things that he doesn't like about me.... just as there are a few things that I don't like about him. But we love each other and there's a bigger picture so certain things don't really matter. I mean, my hair is natural and it's pretty much gonna stay this way so he can take or leave. 

As much as I love my hair...when it comes to how it plays into my relationship, it's pretty much a non-issue.

Everyone has their opinion, and since I'm not in the business of expecting people to think like me, I'm jsut gonna say...Thanks for sharing! lol


----------



## ConstantlyDynamic (Feb 18, 2011)

Kurlee said:


> i expected as much



haha i had expected that as well but i didn't say it. if the OP is happy though, that's fine. i just know i couldn't be with a man that has skin tone/hair texture preferences. i want to be with someone who sees the beauty in different types of people. 

imo there's a difference between having a preference and not liking something. i prefer muscular men just like the OP but the guys i've dated were either skinny or slightly muscular (no lance gross bodies). i still liked their bodies though. that was a part of my attraction to them. it wasn't my preference but i didn't dislike their bodies (i'm a lot more strict about other preferences-i want a man who thinks for himself and doesn't feed into everything society says-that's a main feature i look for in a man). he does not like her hair AT ALL. he's been with her for a long time so has grown to love her but if he had just met her, he probably would've written her off because she was more attractive to him when she was relaxed. to me, it's just settling. personally, i think i'm too good to stay with a man who would've written me off just because of my hair. i was in that situation once and i thought to myself "i have plenty of offers from other men who think my naps are beautiful so why stay with the guy who can't accept it?" so i left him haha i mean in general, it reeked of immaturity to me and i became less attracted to him. i'm relaxed now but will be going back to natural and i didn't want that type of thinking around me. but if having someone who sees the beauty in all people isn't something the OP cares about then she wouldn't see things this way and that's fine. it's her life, not ours


----------



## chebaby (Feb 18, 2011)

LunadeMiel said:


> *child my naked wash and goes are the best.* I don't do them often now because my hair tends to swallow my head. All you see is hair and a face peeking through


naked hair is the best i would have never known how soft my hair could be without products had it not been for my laziness lol.


----------



## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> I CAN'T!!!!
> 
> She DOES NOT talk like that all the time....lawd!!!!
> 
> ETA: I see that she said she was talking like that just for this video...still laughing


ri-hanna meets nicki minaj?


----------



## qchelle (Feb 18, 2011)

You should ask him if he has any opinion on if his future daughters relax their hair or not.  Maybe his opinion will be different?  Maybe not though...


----------



## Lucie (Feb 18, 2011)

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT said:


> i would seriously fight a few of you  .......
> 
> (correction, whip some azzzzzz)


 
Bring it then.


----------



## Tamrin (Feb 18, 2011)




----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

ConstantlyDynamic said:


> haha i had expected that as well but i didn't say it. if the OP is happy though, that's fine. i just know i couldn't be with a man that has *skin tone/hair texture preferences*. i want to be with someone who sees the beauty in different types of people.
> 
> imo there's a difference between having a preference and not liking something. i prefer muscular men just like the OP but the guys i've dated were either skinny or slightly muscular (no lance gross bodies). i still liked their bodies though. that was a part of my attraction to them. it wasn't my preference but i didn't dislike their bodies (i'm a lot more strict about other preferences-i want a man who thinks for himself and doesn't feed into everything society says-that's a main feature i look for in a man). he does not like her hair AT ALL. he's been with her for a long time so has grown to love her but if he had just met her, he probably would've written her off because she was more attractive to him when she was relaxed. to me, it's just settling. personally, i think i'm too good to stay with a man who would've written me off just because of my hair. i was in that situation once and i thought to myself "i have plenty of offers from other men who think my naps are beautiful so why stay with the guy who can't accept it?" so i left him haha i mean in general, it reeked of immaturity to me and i became less attracted to him. i'm relaxed now but will be going back to natural and i didn't want that type of thinking around me. but if having someone who sees the beauty in all people isn't something the OP cares about then she wouldn't see things this way and that's fine. it's her life, not ours



ConstantlyDynamic I have a skin tone preference myself  ... i like chocolate men


----------



## HoneyA (Feb 18, 2011)

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT said:


> ri-hanna meets nicki minaj?



She definitely didn't sound like Rihanna in that one. Didn't know she was born in Jamaica.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> You should ask him if he has any opinion on if his future daughters relax their hair or not.  Maybe his opinion will be different?  Maybe not though...



qchelle we actually already talked about this and he told me that after seeing the movie Good Hair, he wouldn't mind if i never relaxed our daughters hair because of the chemicals.


----------



## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

anti-babymama said:


> Where are you getting this from? Who says I'm frowning?
> 
> I'm not watering down anything. I said a page or two ago that for ME it was an issue. To ME, somebody feeling like they need to "tolerate" a part of me is a problem. Why is that so hard to believe?


 
I am just having fun since I don't know how to post gifs yet.  I was just throwing booboo in the wind to see where it stuck until it was time to get off work.  This thread went left long time ago.  Just a little lighthearted fridayness.  Sorry if i offended.


----------



## LunadeMiel (Feb 18, 2011)

Lucie said:


> Bring it then.


 
Ou pa bon tande


----------



## Kenny-Ann (Feb 18, 2011)

I can't keep up with this thread!  I usually don't post when the conversation gets like this, but there is a first time for everything.  

I could bake a great big cake, give 100 different people a piece of the cake and get 100 different reasons why they liked it or not.  If they did like it or did not like it is their preference, but who cares...I know my cake is "da bomb".  

I think a lot of ladies wouldn't have minded the opinion that the OP's boyfriend gave if it wouldn't have come out the way that it did..."Per dat krinkly shyt!!!".  As we see in the 12+ pages (probably 14 by the time I write this), lots of different women reacted lots of different ways. If it was their boyfriend, I know that some would take it with a grain of salt, laugh about it and keep on moving, while it might be a hurtful blow to others.  Not everyone is as strong as the next.  

Anyways....I was chatting about this with a friend of mine and the thought just hit me.  If I posted what the OP originally posted, and ya'll saw that my SO, who is white, said that I needed to...."Per dat krinkly shyt!!! ", I couldn't help but wonder if it would still be kinda funny.  

It's just another one of the crazy thoughts that go through my mind...but I couldn't help but wonder.  BTW...my SO loves how versatile my hair is now that I'm natural.  He might not like EVERY style, but he tells me he doesn't in his most loving way.  

It is so great to see so many different opinions.  It makes life so much more FUN!!!

Ya'll have to excuse my brain going all over the place, but sometimes complete thoughts are hard for me to do.  

I think I am gonna go make a cake.


----------



## Kenny-Ann (Feb 18, 2011)

wow...I didn't mean for my reply to be so long.


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

Kenny-Ann If a AA man said it and it wasn't funny (to them), i could GUARANTEE YOU  if a white man said it, they would have pitch forks waiting at your door step


----------



## chebaby (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @qchelle we actually already talked about this and he told me that after seeing the movie Good Hair, *he wouldn't mind* if i never relaxed our daughters hair because of the chemicals.


to me this sounds like "i wish my daughter had straight hair, i mean i really want her to have straight hair. but since you gotta do it with chemicals i guess her natural will have to do".erplexed


----------



## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

chebaby said:


> to me this sounds like "i wish my daughter had straight hair, i mean i really want her to have straight hair. but since you gotta do it with chemicals i guess her natural will have to do".erplexed



chebaby i think yall really fishn for something that is not there


----------



## Arcadian (Feb 18, 2011)

Its a full moon tonight.  Jus sayin.

-A


----------



## DDTexlaxed (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> OP,
> 
> So what if you were dark and your bf proclaimed that dark skin was undesirable, not as attractive, and that light skin was preferable to dark skin? What if he essentially stated that he would prefer your look more if you were light skinned? Would you be upset? Or would his musings about his dislike for dark skin and preference for light skin still be 'cute' and just 'his preference'?



Then he would not have been interested her enough to approach her. It's just that simple.  If their relationship were only about hair, he would be gone already. Why can't you guys understand this?   Please know there are people out there who feel what you wrote is true, also. That is also their right to have a preference. I wouldn't give a rat's butt about their point of view. Ya'll taking it a little too far.


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## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

Lucie said:


> Bring it then.



  i thought u were so bashful and sweet in that daah siggy....

but gooyyyyyt dauuuuuum u came out swinging in this thread 

maybe i just missed it before

but yaaah lucie i don't do cyber wars ..... so I'm gonna have to pm u my address to get this on and poppin!  i'm very much ol' school:hardslap::hardslap:


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

DDTexlaxed THANK YOU! Their making mountains out of mole hills and looking for something that isn't there!


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## ConstantlyDynamic (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @ConstantlyDynamic I have a skin tone preference myself  ... i like chocolate men



i said *I *couldn't be with someone who had those types of preferences. that's just me. i didn't become a sociology major for nothing haha these types of issues are important to me and therefore i'd want someone who was cognizant of the ways in which their "preferences" are shaped by history and society. best example, Common-he can approach a natural-haired woman and think she's beautiful but he also sees the beauty in the relaxed or weave-wearing women. he can approach a woman regardless of skin tone as well. he doesn't discriminate in those ways and i love that characteristic in men. but like i said, that's just me

and 1) you are chocolate yourself. i think it's great that you love your skin tone because too many people have hang ups about this issue.
2) do you dislike light skin? because i get the sense that your bf dislikes natural hair regardless of the style (that's what i got from the previous interview). i doubt you'd write someone off just for being light skin but i don't know you so maybe you would. your bf came off like the type of guy who wouldn't have noticed you if you were natural and he would've missed out on a great opportunity. that's what it sounded like to me. i don't think that staying with you makes him less shallow-he's already with you, he's already fallen for you, knows everything about you etc. but you were relaxed when you met him. if you were natural, things could've gone differently and like you said, it's just hair so if he didn't approach you just because your hair was natural (which is what God gave you and it's what grows out of his own head), then that is shallow to me.


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

ConstantlyDynamic no i don't dislike light skin, its just not my preference although i have in the past, dated light skin guys... for some reason they are highly attracted to me.. lol 

I guess i dont see it that way. I feel like if it was that big of an issue, he would have left a very long time ago.


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## Irresistible (Feb 18, 2011)

Dang, so what do yall think about a man who LOVES your hair and doesn't want you to cut it,  but you cut it and he 'tolerates it' but it's not his preference

or how bout you go through Chemo and he misses your hair but loves you enough to see YOU ARE NOT YOUR HAIR

I had a five year relationship with a man with beautiful hair down his back, meanwhile I had just jacked my hair with a relaxer and was just going natural back in 1994,  I was learning my hair and trying new things,  he saw me, stood by me  through ALL of that.  I know he looked sideways at some of the things I did to my hair back then.  But he is the one I credit for my being natural today, he is the one that sat me down and explained that my hair would continuously be jacked with relaxing etc etc , while greasing my scalp.   He was the one that taught me that I could comb through my hair with conditioner,  he was with me from that point of jacked up thinning ends to full mid back length hair. many years later.  I know he wished my hair would get it together faster than it did, dang,  I wished it too.  But HE LOVED ME PAST MY HAIR, braids, buns, grease and all.  I'm tryin to figure out what any of our hair issues have to do with LOVE....NOTHING. 

And I didn't love him because of his hair. Although part of the initial attraction,   He cut it years later anyway, that man could have went bald or gained a pregnant stomach or lost everything he owned and nothing would stop me from loving him.  Still love him to this day


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## Lucie (Feb 18, 2011)

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT said:


> i thought u were so bashful and sweet in that daah siggy....
> 
> but gooyyyyyt dauuuuuum u came out swinging in this thread
> 
> ...


 
LOL! I am sweet! We can meet after school/work Monday half-way from our homes. I hope you're in NYS. Gas is expensive!


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

Irresistible said:


> Dang, so what do yall think about a man who LOVES your hair and doesn't want you to cut it,  but you cut it and he 'tolerates it' but it's not his preference
> 
> or how bout you go through Chemo and he misses your hair but loves you enough to see YOU ARE NOT YOUR HAIR
> 
> ...



Irresistible These are all questions that need answers


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

DDTexlaxed said:


> Then he would not have been interested her enough to approach her. It's just that simple. If their relationship were only about hair, he would be gone already. Why can't you guys understand this?  Please know there are people out there who feel what you wrote is true, also. That is also their right to have a preference. I wouldn't give a rat's butt about their point of view. Ya'll taking it a little too far.


 


In all fairness I had my own moments where I took it way too far, probably farther than most on this forum. Armed with my minor in African American studies, my sit ins and my anti-interacial dating anti all things not Black thinking, I was ready to change the world.  I had the nerve to be pissed at my great aunt because she didn't go to the march on Washington in the 60's!  I really had some nerve!!  Thank goodness she loved me enough to see past my foolishness.  I was so caught up no one could convince me to see things any other way. However, even Malcolm X had a humbling moment when he realized all White people are not the devil.  I had to have mine too. 

As I grow older and experience so many things I see the world much differently now.  Your cause should never more important than love and appreciation for all.  If your cause benefits only some and takes away your compassion and patience for those unlike yourself, you have no real cause. You are just trying to have your way.


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## jennboo (Feb 18, 2011)

DDTexlaxed said:


> Then he would not have been interested her enough to approach her. It's just that simple. If their relationship were only about hair, he would be gone already. Why can't you guys understand this?  Please know there are people out there who feel what you wrote is true, also. That is also their right to have a preference. I wouldn't give a rat's butt about their point of view. Ya'll taking it a little too far.


 

I don't care about whether or not the OP's man prefers an Asian girl's look but is still with her anyway   or about whether or not he would have approached her or not approached her in xyz scenario... that's not what the crux of the issue is.  

 I think people are speaking about the prevalence of black men who don't like certain racially defining characteristsics of their own people but gush over those of another race...AND the okey-doke negr...umm i mean black women who accept it, go along with it, and think it's funny and "just a preference".


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo its how they were developed, you can't knock them for it.. just sayn.. 

I think its very funny cuz our grandmothers and mothers conditioned this generation of men and while we maybe tryna change the view on it, it takes time for their views to be changed as well


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## *CherryPie* (Feb 18, 2011)

exactly.



jennboo said:


> I don't care about whether or not the OP's man prefers an Asian girl's look but is still with her anyway  or about whether or not he would have approached her or not approached her in xyz scenario... that's not what the crux of the issue is.
> 
> I think people are speaking about the prevalence of black men who don't like certain racially defining characteristsics of their own people but gush over those of another race...AND the okey-doke negr...umm i mean black women who accept it, go along with it, and think it's funny and "just a preference".


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## JerriBlank (Feb 18, 2011)

Why do people post stuff like this,knowing they don't TRULY want to hear what we have to say?erplexed

So op's bf has the right to an opinion, and to have it posted here,but some naturals on lhcf have an issue with it then we are called all kinds crazy?

So his "truth" is all cool,but ours needs to be censored? I wish I would...


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

ladybeesrch oh i never said that u guys shouldnt have an opinion. the only problem i have is the name calling, other than that, i enjoyed this thread


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## 10WordzOrLess (Feb 18, 2011)

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT said:


> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXTR3ScefnQ   some random
> 
> i actually love the accent(*s)*









HAAAAAAAAAAAAAATECHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> AND the okey-doke negr...umm i mean black women who accept it, go along with it, and think it's funny and "just a preference".


 
And don't leave out the okey-doke negr...umm i mean those women sitting behind their computer screens doing a bunch a jaw-jacking about the perceived problem yet contributing nothing to the solution.


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## DDTexlaxed (Feb 18, 2011)

ladybeesrch said:


> Why do people post stuff like this,knowing they don't TRULY want to hear what we have to say?erplexed
> 
> So op's bf has the right to an opinion, and to have it posted here,but some naturals on lhcf have an issue with it then we are called all kinds crazy?
> 
> So his "truth" is all cool,but ours needs to be censored? I wish I would...



No need for censorship, but there needs to be a little more respect for other people's opinions. We can disagree and be respectful about it. Everyone is an individual with different backgrounds and upbringing. His truth is his truth. He was being honest with her. The reason for people being called all kinds of crazy is because folks are acting like this man is the only man who thinks this.  Hell, I know black women who think the same thing. There is no need to get salty about it.


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## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> jennboo its how they were developed, you can't knock them for it.. just sayn..
> 
> I think its very funny cuz our grandmothers and mothers conditioned this generation of men and while we maybe tryna change the view on it, it takes time for their views to be changed as well



Of course you can knock people for it, especially when the issue has been shown to them. Do they choose to ignore it, and get defensive, or truly think about what they have said? It's one thing for someone to not "get" it, but when people let them know why what they've said can be perceived in a negative manner, don't act as if people are pulling it out of their a$$ and being militant Angela Davis wannabes...


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @ladybeesrch oh i never said that u guys shouldnt have an opinion. the only problem i have is the name calling, other than that, i enjoyed this thread


 
Why are you wasting your time?  You have explained enough and have certainly been civil enough. The only mistake you made was requesting that people not judge your man.  I personally would have given less than a ____!  There is a difference between those who expressed their dislike and their reasons for it and those who were intent on being outright hurtful and even trying to tell you how *you *should be handling your life.  Those you need to give a ride on the point of your shoe


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> Of course you can knock people for it, especially when the issue has been shown to them. Do they choose to ignore it, and get defensive, or truly think about what they have said? It's one thing for someone to not "get" it, but when people let them know why what they've said can be perceived in a negative manner, don't act as if people are pulling it out of their a$$ and being militant Angela Davis wannabes...



Not IMO. AA men have been conditioned to believe in a particular standard of beauty so if they dont jump on the new natural hair movement right away.. you can't blame them.. it takes time


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> Of course you can knock people for it, especially when the issue has been shown to them. Do they choose to ignore it, and get defensive, or truly think about what they have said? It's one thing for someone to not "get" it, but when people let them know why what they've said can be perceived in a negative manner, don't act as if people are pulling it out of their a$$ and being militant Angela Davis wannabes...


 
So her man gets to be knocked but these chicks acting straight disrespectful get a pass?  Aren't they choosing to ignore issues being shown to them as well?  People let them know over and over that what they've said can be perceived in a negative manner but because they are sporting a natural whatever comes out of their mouth or out the side of their neck is ok?  I say treat others as you want to be treated.


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## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 No. I never said it was okay to disrespect him. I know men have been conditioned, which is why I didn't knock his first post. His defensiveness is what speaks volumes to me.

Sent from my PC36100 using Long Hair Care Forum App


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## EllePixie (Feb 18, 2011)

@ms_lizzia there is a difference between "getting on board" and understanding where others are coming from.

Sent from my PC36100 using Long Hair Care Forum App


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## chebaby (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> @ms_lizzia there is a difference between "getting on board" and understanding where others are coming from.
> 
> Sent from my PC36100 using Long Hair Care Forum App


exactly. he doesnt have to like it to "get" it.


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

EllePixie said:


> @reeko43 No. I never said it was okay to disrespect him. I know men have been conditioned, which is why I didn't knock his first post. His defensiveness is what speaks volumes to me.
> 
> Sent from my PC36100 using Long Hair Care Forum App


 
I didn't take your post to mean that.  However, I don't think people should hold him or anyone else to a standard they themselves to not adhere to.  I also don't think there should be a standard for some and a different one for others. I don't see the justification for knocking this man's views yet being silent when others spew something equallly negative or worse.


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## qchelle (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> Why are you wasting your time?  You have explained enough and have certainly been civil enough. The only mistake you made was requesting that people not judge your man.  I personally would have given less than a ____!  There is a difference between those who expressed their dislike and their reasons for it and those who were intent on being outright hurtful and even trying to tell you how *you *should be handling your life.  Those you need to give a ride on the point of your shoe



But who is telling her how to live her life?  I swear, I must be missing posts like a mug 
I thought most of the posts about people disagreeing with his POV went something like "well if you like it, good for you....but it couldn't be me".  
Did people suggest she break up with him or something?


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## MsLizziA (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> But who is telling her how to live her life?  I swear, I must be missing posts like a mug
> I thought most of the posts about people disagreeing with his POV went something like "well if you like it, good for you....but it couldn't be me".
> Did people suggest she break up with him or something?



qchelle girl look, 1 of my blog commenters went so far as to tell me i owe her an explaination for publizin his views


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## antisocial (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> But who is telling her how to live her life?  I swear, I must be missing posts like a mug
> I thought most of the posts about people disagreeing with his POV went something like "well if you like it, good for you....but it couldn't be me".
> Did people suggest she break up with him or something?



Okay good. It's not just me


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

qchelle said:


> But who is telling her how to live her life? I swear, I must be missing posts like a mug
> I thought most of the posts about people disagreeing with his POV went something like "well if you like it, good for you....but it couldn't be me".
> Did people suggest she break up with him or something?


 
Thanks so much for showing me my error. You are very much correct and I retract my statement!  I was reading responses from her blog as well. I apologize for confusing the two.


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## Kurlee (Feb 18, 2011)

jennboo said:


> I don't care about whether or not the OP's man prefers an Asian girl's look but is still with her anyway   or about whether or not he would have approached her or not approached her in xyz scenario... that's not what the crux of the issue is.
> 
> I think people are speaking about the prevalence of black men who don't like certain racially defining characteristsics of their own people but gush over those of another race...AND the okey-doke negr...umm i mean black women who accept it, go along with it, and think it's funny and "just a preference".


damn u hit it right damn on!!


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## 10WordzOrLess (Feb 18, 2011)

MsLizziA said:


> @qchelle girl look, 1 of my blog commenters went so far as to tell me i owe her an explaination for publizin his views











reeko43 said:


> There is a difference between those who  expressed their dislike and their reasons for it and those who were  intent on being outright hurtful and even trying to tell you how you  should be handling your life. * Those you need to give a ride on the point of your shoe *


^THIS^

Acting like you owe them something.....SMH. That's why I said you're braver than I...and confident to boot.


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

JussaLady, that .gif is hilarious!


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

Kurlee said:


> damn u hit it right damn on!!


 
I don't see how that comment is any better than comments made by op's boyfriend.  In fact this is far worse and more damaging as the comments are made under the guise of being down for our race.  The person who stated this stated it in another thread along with the comment about "whitey".  It is a shame that in all the bitterness you all can't even see how this kind of garbage further separates us as a people.  I can only hope that you can learn better and do better. This is as okey doke as it gets.


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## Irresistible (Feb 18, 2011)

**SaSSy** said:


> Oh yea:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


owwwwwaaaaa! dearly beloved , we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.........


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

Well this thread has gotten me  through my pre poo, shampoo, dc, sulfur application, moisterizing and sealing and braiding.  Thanks and peace.


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## Irresistible (Feb 18, 2011)

So anyway, I know my man wishes my hair wasnt so oily, since I drown it in coconut oil and it leave oil slicks on his shirts,  face etc.(I tell him just rub it in it's good stuff  )  until it absorbs into my hair again, and it aint like there is a way to get away from this ponytail I got going down my back when hugging me etc He moves my pony tail out of the way all the time-I only got tired of him swinging it like it ain't heavy and had to ask him not to do that

I can just see it now, my oily heavy long arse pony tail was the deal breaker in a lifetime of possible love .....that would be one sorry mutha if that happened dat's all I gotta say

I don't expect him to 'like' everything, as I don't. I just simply know that I am loved.  and dang, that is more than enough for me......

who would I be to really expect someone to like everything about me,  when I dont even have the capacity to do the same. Hell I wish his hairline would come back 

but whatever -not a deal breaker-not even a second thought

True love trumps all!

some of this natural hair stuff gets to deep for me.  I been natural 17 years and ALWAYS understood men generally do appreciate long swanging hair, , hey WE ALL RELAXED OUR HAIR AT one point, so we did the same  to  crucify them for that now as a natural is a little absurd to me ,  I have learned that also does not mean that they cannot or wont/ don't find the beauty in a beautiful head of natural hair.  My experience at least.  I really never took it all that personal.


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## Miss_C (Feb 18, 2011)

No disrespect OP, but I'm not sure why we're discussing a private conversation between a girl and her bf. 
What you think is cute (his comments about asian hair etc), we don't find cute. So a lot of ladies reacted negatively to what he said because we aren't close to him and we don't know him so what you think is funny or cute or understandable, might not be so for everyone else. 
Honestly, it seems like you forced the issue by creating the original post, and once he saw that people responded negatively, he felt the need to come back and give an articulate response. I know from your posts you are extremely pro-natural, so we know your stance. Why do we need to hear his? The hair is on your head, we know you love it, and that's good enough, at least for me. 
It seems like you are playing devil's advocate and creating a vicious cycle, posting things he says, waiting for LHCF responses, not liking the responses, and then defending him despite the fact that you don't like what he said either. I don't get it.
 In regards to his actual statements, he thinks like a lot of black men, what's the big deal? But seriously, why are we discussing this?


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## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

reeko43 said:


> Why are you wasting your time?  You have explained enough and have certainly been civil enough. The only mistake you made was requesting that people not judge your man.  I personally would have given less than a ____!  There is a difference between those who expressed their dislike and their reasons for it and those who were intent on being outright hurtful and even trying to tell you how *you *should be handling your life.  Those you need to give a ride on the point of your shoe



you're cooler than a dauuuuuuum cucumber.... sending my very first friend request 

friend me o' intelligent and *logical* one


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## tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT (Feb 18, 2011)

Irresistible said:


> So anyway, I know my man wishes my hair wasnt so oily, since I drown it in coconut oil and it leave oil slicks on his shirts,  face etc.(I tell him just rub it in it's good stuff  )  until it absorbs into my hair again, and it aint like there is a way to get away from this ponytail I got going down my back when hugging me etc He moves my pony tail out of the way all the time-I only got tired of him swinging it like it ain't heavy and had to ask him not to do that
> 
> I can just see it now, my oily heavy long arse pony tail was the deal breaker in a lifetime of possible love .....that would be one sorry mutha if that happened dat's all I gotta say
> 
> ...




Irre I'm just mad at you about that damn hairline.....


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## Irresistible (Feb 18, 2011)

Miss_C said:


> No disrespect OP, but I'm not sure why we're discussing a private conversation between a girl and her bf.
> What you think is cute (his comments about asian hair etc), we don't find cute. So a lot of ladies reacted negatively to what he said because we aren't close to him and we don't know him so what you think is funny or cute or understandable, might not be so for everyone else.
> Honestly, it seems like you forced the issue by creating the original post, and once he saw that people responded negatively, he felt the need to come back and give an articulate response. I know from your posts you are extremely pro-natural, so we know your stance. Why do we need to hear his? The hair is on your head, we know you love it, and that's good enough, at least for me.
> It seems like you are playing devil's advocate and creating a vicious cycle, posting things he says, waiting for LHCF responses, not liking the responses, and then defending him despite the fact that you don't like what he said either. I don't get it.
> In regards to his actual statements, he thinks like a lot of black men, what's the big deal? But seriously, why are we discussing this?


oh girl u r funny,  didn't you just discuss it too?


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## Irresistible (Feb 18, 2011)

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT said:


> Irre I'm just mad at you about that damn hairline.....


 sorry


I wish mine would come back too


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

Irresistible said:


> oh girl u r funny, didn't you just discuss it too?


 


I almost spit Mike & Ikes all over my laptop!!!! This thread is the gift that keeps on giving!


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## reeko43 (Feb 18, 2011)

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT said:


> you're cooler than a dauuuuuuum cucumber.... sending my very first friend request
> 
> friend me o' intelligent and *logical* one


 
LOL!  U shol is funny!


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