# Your mother or your husband??



## BlkManWithSomeSense (Jan 23, 2007)

I went to a pre marital counseling session at my church and the pastor asked me this question. I would like to see how you would answer.

*If your husband, mother and yourself was driving along the road in the rain over a low bridge. The car hydroplanes and loses control and goes over the guardrail and into the water. You lose consciousness for a moment and quickly wake up to the water filing up inside the car. You find your mother and husband unconscious. You're able to open a window and get out. However, you quickly realize by how fast the water is coming in that you will only be able to save ONE of them because there will be no time to go back and get the other. Whom would you save?*

*Your Husband.. or ...Your mother?*

Before you reply, you MUST choose one or the other. There is no other option. There is a reason for this and I will tell you what I said and what the pastor said after a few responses.


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## meka (Jan 23, 2007)

Really for me, it would depend on who was saved and who wasnt, ya know.....

May seem silly to some but that is my opinion..


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## michc (Jan 23, 2007)

Oh my...what a thought provoking question....

I can't choose - it would be whichever is nearest and easiest to pull out. This is the truth - I wouldn't be able to choose, I love them both too much....

Sorry.... Looking forward to hearing what your reply is and what your Pastor said...

ETA: They are both saved so that enforces my choice (or lack of)....


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## Shimmie (Jan 23, 2007)

My husband...but God forbid such a tragedy.  

At a moment like that, you're not thinking who is or isn't saved...neither are you thinking one or the other.   You're thinking, Oh God!  And you gravitate towards the one with whom you are closest.  The one to whom I am cleaved.   Am I not fitly joined to my husband?   

And something else comes into play here..."I took a vow, leaving father and mother; forsaking all others...cleaving unto one another...even unto death.  How far would I swim to save him?  Would I risk drowning to do so?   The thought to hesitate doesn't enter in, (especially men - they don't hesitate to react); I'd just swim to save him. 

However, God forbid such a tragedy...to ever happen.


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## StrawberryQueen (Jan 23, 2007)

Whoever was easier to get out of the car.


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## Beauty4Ashes (Jan 23, 2007)

This is a tough one...

I'm inclined to choose my husband b/c that would be Biblically correct, but I'm not married yet, I couldn't see myself choosing my husband over my mother.  If I had children, my choice would also change.  I don't know, I can't choose...erplexed


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## tatje (Jan 23, 2007)

I would save my mother. As much as I would love my husband ( don't have one yet), I would save my mother because you only get one mother and she was there with me through it all, and I would hope that I should never have to hesitate when it comes to saving my mother's life. I would love my husband to death but you can love another. Don't want to sound cruel or cold.....I'm sure the lord would save him if he was meant to be saved.


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## firecracker (Jan 23, 2007)

Uh I'm gon answer the question blackman but first I gotta get all up in yo koolaid cuz I'm nosey like that.  Who and when you getting married blackman? 
You know if ain't nobody else asked Compton Carlotta sho gon ask


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## cocoberry10 (Jan 23, 2007)

I would just let us all die together and go into Heaven, and meet the Man! 

j/k.  I'm not married yet, so I can't answer this question


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## SoniT (Jan 23, 2007)

That's so hard. The correct answer would be my husband because when you get married you leave your parents and forsake all others, etc. However, I'm also very close to my mother and I couldn't imagine leaving her to die while saving my husband.


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## dlewis (Jan 23, 2007)

I would have to say my husband.


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## dlewis (Jan 23, 2007)

I also want to know who ya marrin?


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## BlkManWithSomeSense (Jan 23, 2007)

firecracker said:
			
		

> Uh I'm gon answer the question blackman but first I gotta get all up in yo koolaid cuz I'm nosey like that. Who and when you getting married blackman?
> You know if ain't nobody else asked Compton Carlotta sho gon ask


 
lmaooooo... I'm not gettin married.. I dont even have a girlfriend. I did the premarital counseling for my former marriage. .. LOL.. whew funny


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## BlkManWithSomeSense (Jan 23, 2007)

cocoberry10 said:
			
		

> I would just let us all die together and go into Heaven, and meet the Man!
> 
> j/k. I'm not married yet, so I can't answer this question


 
   @ you sayin " Oh well" and singing "I'm goinnnnnnnn up yonderrrrrrrrrrrrr....."

As for the closest to the window.. that doesnt count because they are both within acceptable reach and theres a 50/50 equal chance for both of them and you would have to choose ONE or the OTHER.


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## InnerSoul (Jan 23, 2007)

what a hard question.. but seeing as how I am not married yet... my mother! 

If I was married... then that is a hard quest.    don't know whom I would pick in that instance.. but like others said the one that is closest to the open window.


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## BlkManWithSomeSense (Jan 23, 2007)

I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed 

The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father. 

_Matthew 19:4-6 And [Jesus] answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."_ 

I told my mother what the pastor said and asked her what she thought of my answer and she replied " If you're my son then you would save your wife." . I tried to be slick and said " what if we were having marital problems and were really on the rocks" and she said " Doesnt change anything. I would expect you to perform your husbandly duties until you both divorced. Theres no grey areas in God's word"

It's important for couples to understand the seriousness of marriage and what it requires. Your loyalty to each other should be as natural 
as breathing. When I think of marriage I think of :

Colossians 3:12-17 
_"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. "_

Amen


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## Shimmie (Jan 23, 2007)

I think I win the 'prize' for having the correct answer....


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## Aveena (Jan 23, 2007)

StrawberryQueen said:
			
		

> Whoever was easier to get out of the car.


 
Yup.  That's my answer..  In a split second I would only have time to choose the person that I thought I could truley help.  Of course I would wish no harm to any of them.  This reminds me of some of the sad stories that came out of Katrina.


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## InnerSoul (Jan 23, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed
> 
> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> ...


 
well u can't argue with GOD's WORD...that's for sure!!  but seeing as how I am not married yet.. I thought it was safe to save my mommy first  !


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## BlkManWithSomeSense (Jan 23, 2007)

InnerSoul said:
			
		

> well u can't argue with GOD's WORD...that's for sure!! but seeing as how I am not married yet.. I thought it was safe to save my mommy first  !


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## Bunny77 (Jan 23, 2007)

I knew what the answer would be in a Biblical sense... 

I wonder if the disparity in answers (including your ex-wife's) has to do with gender. I look at the relationships in my family and notice that my aunt is a lot closer to my grandmother than my dad is. It's my aunt who takes her to all of her doctor's appointments, watches her when she's sick, has her children (my cousins) looking after her during the day... meanwhile, while my dad loves his mother very much, he's usually the second resort. He'll come through only when my aunt isn't available first.

I see the same thing happening with my mom, myself and my brother. 

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing or just a "that's the way it is" thing.

As for me, I answered the question by saying that I'd save my mother, but that's because I'm not married and can't imagine someone at THIS moment who I'd put before her... I'm sure my thinking will be tested when I am married.

One other thought... maybe women are uncomfortable with the idea of saving a healthy man and leaving a more vulnerable and older woman to die... I know I'd be so torn if I left behind my mother who probably would have a harder time getting out of the car as opposed to a man who I'd feel more capable of saving himself???


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## cocoberry10 (Jan 23, 2007)

Bunny77 said:
			
		

> I knew what the answer would be in a Biblical sense...
> 
> I wonder if the disparity in answers (including your ex-wife's) has to do with gender. I look at the relationships in my family and notice that my aunt is a lot closer to my grandmother than my dad is. It's my aunt who takes her to all of her doctor's appointments, watches her when she's sick, has her children (my cousins) looking after her during the day... meanwhile, while my dad loves his mother very much, he's usually the second resort. He'll come through only when my aunt isn't available first.
> 
> ...



That makes sense  

It's a very difficult predicament to be in.

There's a similar story I'll tell quickly...

A preacher shared this with his congregation.  A man took his son and son's best friend fishing.  They left early in the morning to catch good fish.

While in the boat on the ocean, a storm came, and the boat capsized, knocking them all out of the boat.  When the father came to, he saw both his son and his son's best friend drowning.  He knew that he could only save one.

With only a split second to decide, the man saved his SON'S BEST FRIEND.

The congregation was astonished.  How could you let your son die to save his best friend?  The pastor said that the father decided this way:

His son was saved, and he knew that although he would lose his son, he would save his son's best friend.

His son's best friend was not saved, so he knew he had no other choice.  Then the pastor shared, that he was the best friend, and the old man in the audience was his best friend's father.


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## PrincessDiva (Jan 24, 2007)

My mother. .without hesitation or thought


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## live2bgr8 (Jan 24, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed
> 
> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> ...


 
I was posed this question, too. Only (1) we were not in premarital counseling (2) it was a burning house, and (3) I had to choose between my children and my husband.... My husband gave the right answer...   Alas, I did not. erplexed  I said the children...

Since then, my heart has changed... I learned that the spouse is supposed to come even b4 children...


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## tatje (Jan 25, 2007)

Now I feel so bad about my decision. I'm not married, but I do feel bad about not thinking the right way and just being selfish. I completely forgot that passage. Even when I heard the answer my thoughts where still selfish. I thought if me and my husband were to be one, then he can still die and live through me. I know thats bad and I have a lot of work to do, but I do trust in the lord and will live his way and not mine. Since that is what is stated, then thats the way it shall be.


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## Supergirl (Jan 25, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed
> 
> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> ...



I like your mom  and I don't even know her!


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## MrsHouston (Jan 26, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed
> 
> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> ...




Great post.


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## Precious_1 (Jan 26, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed
> 
> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> ...


 
wow, what a wonderful mother


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## Mortons (Jan 28, 2007)

I dont know about my husband or my mother, I mean I would not be thinking at the moment so whatever happens happens.....













but I absolutely would not be able to save my husband and not my flesh and blood.........I dont need to get married if thats the standard


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## SexySin985 (Jan 28, 2007)

I'd save my mom and hope my hubby can swim... cuz my mom can't swim for nuffin' 

I'm only sayin that cuz I'm not married..


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## SexySin985 (Jan 28, 2007)

Not to steal the show but what if it were your child(ren) and husband? Then in that case the children should def. come first.... right?


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## sky_blu (Jan 28, 2007)

I knew the correct answer would be husband but my answer was my mother. As much as I cant stand her sometimes, you only get one, and I can always get remarried  . Your mother will love you through whatever, your husband can get flaky over time and leave you or divorce you.


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## Detangle (Jan 28, 2007)

I definitely had a hard time answering this question and I still havent answerd it. I read through the posts and saw the answer and after reading about the answer I can understand why one is suppose to choose their spouse over their parent. Never read the passages posted in regards to the topic but I can surely relate to its value. I think I will pose the question to my SO. If I know him well enough, he's going to refuse to answer the question, especially knowing he's an only child and momma's boy  But the value behind the question is something that I believe in anyway, outside of death's circumstances.


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## Plenty (Jan 28, 2007)

i honestly care more about my mother than I do myself, but my heart won't let me choose her


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## jshor09 (Jan 28, 2007)

i know i would try to save my hubby , because that is what my mom would want me to do.  on the other hand if this question was given to my hubby who is a momma's boy  and her only child i am not sure how he would answer.  on the ither hand the kids or him.  it would be the kids.  my babies are precious.  i even told my hubby when i was pregnant with our babies if something ever happened if he had to choose me or the kids he better choose the kids  .


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## Mortons (Jan 28, 2007)

Jkelly0204 said:
			
		

> i know i would try to save my hubby , because that is what my mom would want me to do. on the other hand if this question was given to my hubby who is a momma's boy and her only child i am not sure how he would answer. *on the ither hand the kids or him. it would be the kids. my babies are precious. i even told my hubby when i was pregnant with our babies if something ever happened if he had to choose me or the kids he better choose the kids .*


 
I thought that this would be a good thing....loving someone more than yourself is what God did and I'm sure that he would be proud of us for trying to save someone before ourselves or our own needs (husband). Again, if this is what God expects out of marriage I cant do it. I may as well stop looking now.


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## Honey6928215 (Jan 29, 2007)

I would save my mother.  Spouses come and go but your mother will always be there for you.


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## STLCoverGirl (Jan 29, 2007)

Neither.....lol, jk.


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## BlkManWithSomeSense (Jan 29, 2007)

STLCoverGirl said:
			
		

> Neither.....lol, jk.


 
LOL


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## MrsQueeny (Jan 29, 2007)

You know before I even read the question, I look at the title of the thread and thought "my husband".  Now after reading the question, my answer is the same.  Q


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## jshor09 (Jan 29, 2007)

Jkelly0204 said:
			
		

> i know i would try to save my hubby , because that is what my mom would want me to do.  on the other hand if this question was given to my hubby who is a momma's boy  and her only child i am not sure how he would answer.  on the ither hand the kids or him.  it would be the kids.  my babies are precious.  i even told my hubby when i was pregnant with our babies if something ever happened if he had to choose me or the kids he better choose the kids  .




well i asked my hubby this question.  he said that is tough question, but i would save you.  i said why, he said so i wouldn't have to deal with our bebe's kids alone.


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## MeccaMedinah (Jan 29, 2007)

Husband over mother & husband over kids.


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## Mortons (Jan 29, 2007)

BlackMan can you pull up a scripture to help me understand WHY and HOW I can bring someone out of my womb by my own selfish will and not save them over my mate when I am the reason why they are on the earth in the first place. I mean so what happens if your husband and children get into a fight? Am I supposed to side with him anyway? What if he leaves me? Am I supposed to run after him and neglect my children?


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 29, 2007)

Once married, the order for the family goes like this:

God
Jesus
Husband
Wife
Children
and then everyone else.

Anything out of this order, will be catastrophic in your life.

God has placed everything the way He desires it to be.

When we follow His plan....it always work out for the good.

Therefore, I will save my husband, period.


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## SUPER SWEET (Jan 29, 2007)

My husband... and I'm sure my mother would agree.


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## Mortons (Jan 29, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:
			
		

> Once married, the order for the family goes like this:
> 
> God
> Jesus
> ...




Just a question......if you only had 1 bowl of cereal in the house and no money or any other food, would you let your husband eat and your children starve, since he is at the top of the 'hierarchy'?


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> Just a question......if you only had 1 bowl of cereal in the house and no money or any other food, would you let your husband eat and your children starve, since he is at the top of the 'hierarchy'?


 
Ok, without getting political...he is not at the top of the 'hierarchy' as you stated, God is.  Also, if I had only 1 bowl of cereal in the house, there won't be any question that we would all 'share' the bowl of cereal if need be and if we were not able to do that, my husband and I both would give it to the children, understanding OUR role as parents.

Understanding God's plan for marriage is something that you would have to study and learn.  There is a reason why God has it this way.  I always say*..."if you want to know more about why God does things in the order He does it...ask HIM!"*


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## Shimmie (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> Just a question......if you only had 1 bowl of cereal in the house and no money or any other food, would you let your husband eat and your children starve, since he is at the top of the 'hierarchy'?


Oh Sweetie, no man or woman would eat before their child...


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## Shimmie (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> BlackMan can you pull up a scripture to help me understand WHY and HOW I can bring someone out of my womb by my own selfish will and not save them over my mate when I am the reason why they are on the earth in the first place. I mean so what happens if your husband and children get into a fight? Am I supposed to side with him anyway? What if he leaves me? Am I supposed to run after him and neglect my children?


 
Glamourous...don't allow the fear of the world to trap you into not trusting your husband.  And in this thread, lack of trust in one's spouse is what is being expressed here between each line.  

Common sense, will tell you immediately to feed a child before feeding an adult (as your other post sited).   

Above when you mention a fight between your husband and children.  Since when are the children the adult?  God's word says, 'Children, obey your parents'... 'Honor thy father and thy mother.'   Children are placed into our care to learn the order and principles of obedience.  

It should be an 'all ready' discussed and set agreement between the husband and wife on how and when to discipline a child (or children if the case may be).   Never is the wife to side with the children against her husband and again should the husband side with the children against the wife.   

*AND NEVER* *should a child be allowed to argue with a parent.* 

Yes, they can share their heart and it is proper to have 'family' discussions and allow a child to express their feelings.  Children do need to vent, but not in retaliation or rebellion or being a smart mouth...instead in a healthy discussion with open feed back and understanding from both parents.  This is how "healthy" communication is taught and most of all encouraged.  

Whatever my husband feels is best for 'our' children, we will abide by it.  If I disagree, I will speak with him PRIVATELY....*NEVER* in front of the children.   The ruling must come from an agreement between the husband and the wife...not the children.  I am not going to disrespect my husband for the sake of appeasing the moodiness of a child.  Come on...! Children do not rule.  We love them, yes.  But love doesn't mean being a fool for a child.  They can't pay rent, let alone buy a hot dog or Happy Meal.  

Why has this world come to such weakness in unity between a man and his wife.  All through this thread, I see this being represented...'doubt' -- even from the single ones.   Doubting the stabiilty of man and wife.   This is a scarey thing when one can sleep with a person and still not have faith in him.   What's the point of calling it a marriage?   

Children grow up and LEAVE home and they leave long before coming of age, due to puberty and peer pressure.  Ahhhh yes they do.      Our parents leave us as well...eventually they pass away.   So why has this generation given up on having a spouse to with them until death...as opposed to divorce.  

Keeping up with the Joneses' has taken on a whole new concept.  It is now, keeping up with their divorces.... how sad  .


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## ThursdayGirl (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> Just a question......if you only had 1 bowl of cereal in the house and no money or any other food, would you let your husband eat and your children starve, since he is at the top of the 'hierarchy'?




This is a tough question, but I would go for my husband.  I think back to when God asked Abraham to step out on faith and sacrifice his son.  Abraham was faithful and God provided another sacrifice at the last minute.  Why wouldn't God provide a way to save my Mom also if its his will.  I have to make the first move an be faithful to Him.

As far as the cereal, I would give it to my husband.  I know the man (I think) that I am getting ready to marry.  He is a provider.  He would bring money home and the rest of us would feast for the small sacrifice of a bowl of cereal.  It would be really hard to get him to eat it though.  I'm pretty sure he would rather the kids have it (hypothetical kids, that is)


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 29, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Glamourous...don't allow the fear of the world to trap you into not trusting your husband. And in this thread, lack of trust in one's spouse is what is being expressed here between each line.
> 
> Common sense, will tell you immediately to feed a child before feeding an adult (as your other post sited).
> 
> ...


 
I agree on all of this, especially the bolded.  May the Lord fill your home with a wonderful husband and great little children  !


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## shalom (Jan 29, 2007)

My Husband, It's biblical


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 29, 2007)

shalom said:
			
		

> My Husband, It's biblical


 
Amen.


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## Mortons (Jan 29, 2007)

I spoke with my pastor about this 'delimma' presented in marriage counseling. My pastor was shocked and appalled that anyone would start marriage counseling off like this, and the fact that the pastor asked to basically save and kill somone. My pastor was also appalled that someone said they would save a grown man before an innocent child. My pastor seriously almost had a heart attack, and told me that this was a complete misunderstanding of the Word. The Bible mentions nothing of saving someone over another, I think what the Lord meant was that when you are married you become one, and yougoing ons are now between you and your husband alone, not everyone else. This confirmed the belief in my spirit that what some were saying was not right. However, I know that most people will disagree......











I will continue to pray for you all. And I also hope that the Lord blesses me with children and a husband at the right time, and in the right frame of mind.................................


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> I spoke with my pastor about this 'delimma' presented in marriage counseling. *My pastor was shocked and appalled that anyone would start marriage counseling off like this, and the fact that the pastor asked to basically save and kill somone.* My pastor was also appalled that someone said they would save a grown man before an innocent child. My pastor seriously almost had a heart attack, and told me that this was a complete misunderstanding of the Word.
> 
> *
> 
> ...


 


Basically, if you read the original OP's post, the story was that someone would have to die....no one was going to "kill" anyone, so I'm not sure what that comment was about.

I'm sure your pastor was 'appauled' at what you told him and I'm sure he wasn't going to have a heart attack.  I'm sure he has heard some things that we can't even imagine...hopefully you gave him exactly what was said by the posters and not something paraphrased. If that's the case, I would be appauled too.

I have a wonderful husband and great 'adult' children.  I've been serving the Lord for quite some time now.  I don't pat myself on the back at all, because its not about me, its about HIM!  However, when you said that you think what the Lord said was that when you are married you become one....etc., you are right.  The Lord placed a man and a woman together to become one with Him as the center of their relationship.  The bible says a "three cord strand is not easily broken."  He didn't say that about anything else.  

It's not that we will disagree, its just that understanding the true meaning of marriage (being married in the Lord of course) and understanding what you think marriage is, is two different things.  People are always going to say what is on their heart..and that's ok.  I don't always have to receive what they think, and that's ok too!

As you pray, remember this scripture:
_*"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled." (2 Cor. 10:4-6)

*_I hope that the Lord blesses you as well.

Blessings...**


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## Shimmie (Jan 29, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:
			
		

> Basically, if you read the original OP's post, the story was that someone would have to die....no one was going to "kill" anyone, so I'm not sure what that comment was about.
> 
> I'm sure your pastor was 'appauled' at what you told him and I'm sure he wasn't going to have a heart attack. I'm sure he has heard some things that we can't even imagine...hopefully you gave him exactly what was said by the posters and not something paraphrased. If that's the case, I would be appauled too.
> 
> ...


 
Station Break:   Wavy, you are NOT the mom of Adult children...!  You are gorgeous!  AND you look like a 'kid' yourself.   All this time, I never had a clue...   Go head 'Sarah' with your youth.   Praise Him!   God has blessed me too...my babies are also grown. 

Thank you for the 'marriage' blessings' ...I receive them.  I'm no fool


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 29, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Station Break: Wavy, you are NOT the mom of Adult children...! You are gorgeous! AND you look like a 'kid' yourself. All this time, I never had a clue... Go head 'Sarah' with your youth. Praise Him! God has blessed me too...my babies are also grown.
> 
> Thank you for the 'marriage' blessings' ...I receive them. I'm no fool


 
 ok, you see that I'm cheesin' right?  Thank you for the compliment, Shimmie.  I have two children...son who will be 27 next month and a daughter who is 25 and a granddaughter who is 6.  I'm a young mom though...43.  Started early...am blessed because of it because now, my husband and I travel and we are free to do the Lord's work now more than ever, and we are both still very young and vibrant to do so, thank you Lord!!!.  Both children are out of the house, so its nice when they come to visit us. 

You are welcome for those marriage blessings....and it shall surely come to pass, in the Name of Jesus! Oh, yes...you are blessed....grown children are a blessing!


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## Mortons (Jan 29, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:
			
		

> Basically, if you read the original OP's post, the story was that someone would have to die....no one was going to "kill" anyone, so I'm not sure what that comment was about.
> 
> I'm sure your pastor was 'appauled' at what you told him and I'm sure he wasn't going to have a heart attack. I'm sure he has heard some things that we can't even imagine...hopefully you gave him exactly what was said by the posters and not something paraphrased. If that's the case, I would be appauled too.
> 
> ...


 
I understand how you feel....but no I did not paraphrase I told HER exactly what the original poster said.


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## Shimmie (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> I spoke with my pastor about this 'delimma' presented in marriage counseling. My pastor was shocked and appalled that anyone would start marriage counseling off like this, and the fact that the pastor asked to basically save and kill somone.
> 
> *My pastor was also appalled that someone said they would save a grown man before an innocent child. My pastor seriously almost had a heart attack, and told me that this was a complete misunderstanding of the Word. *
> 
> ...


You actually took this message and 'killed' your Pastor   

Hey Lady...   As untrue as that is, it applies also to the interpretation of this message that you have gathered and in turn given to your Pastor.  

In fairness to your Pastor, please allow him to read this thread so that he can discern what has really been said.   You owe this to him and to the others who will hear this 'interpretation' for I can assure you, it's going to be one of his sermons.  It's a guarantee.  But it will be a lie.  

Neither the OP nor his Pastor implied killing anyone.  Nor not feeding a child.  This is not the heart of either of them.   It is a parable of a hypothetical situation, which Jesus did often, to express a point and to give people food for thought and at the same time, teach a Godly principal.  

Do you really think that BlkManWSS and his Pastor do not carry the burden of dread that this would ever be a decision for either of them?  I have no doubt that this decison carries grief for them or any man.  For it is clearly indicated throughout each of his replies.  He even sought his mother for clarification.  His Pastor as well showed a dread of this occurrence.    

For you see, most of our choices to follow God do such.  That's why it's called obedience...for it is goes against our logical inclinations.    

These men have been mispresented to your Pastor.  None of what you shared about them with your Pastor is true.      

Come here... (((( hugs ))))    There's no anger here; not from anyone. But in a forum, it is so easy to misunderstand a topical discussion.  Even when speaking face to face...we have misunderstandings.   

Let your Pastor read this thread.  I'm sure he'll see this a little differently.  And even if he doesn't, he will still see the truth about what both of these men actually spoke about.   Fair enough?  

Peace and blessings to you...


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## Shimmie (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> I understand how you feel....but no I did not paraphrase I told HER exactly what the original poster said.


A woman...giving a woman's reply.   Okay this explains it.  

We are maternal by nature.  It's only natural for a female Pastor to react as only a woman would.   

In fairness, it would have been interesting to see if this question was presented to an equal number of men and women.   I can see what the answers would be.  Women are going to jump to the aid of the children and their mothers...naturally.    

However, men would not forsake a child either.  When there's ever a disaster, you will see the rescue heros go for the children first.  These two men BlkManWSS OP and his Pastor are heros.


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## Mortons (Jan 29, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> *A woman...giving a woman's reply. Okay this explains it. *
> 
> *We are maternal by nature. It's only natural for a female Pastor to react as only a woman would.  *
> * *
> ...


 
I will show this to the pastor and her husband. They are co-pastors of a church and are a blessing to everyone they are around. The do marriage counseling together, as they feel a single person/only a man or woman is not equiped to do marriage counseling (duh I mean experience is key). But this is a good experiement. I will take it to the pastors and see how it goes!


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## Shimmie (Jan 29, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> I will show this to the pastor and her husband. They are co-pastors of a church and are a blessing to everyone they are around. The do marriage counseling together, as they feel a single person/only a man or woman is not equiped to do marriage counseling (duh I mean experience is key). But this is a good experiement. I will take it to the pastors and see how it goes!


This is great.    It may also be good if they presented this thread as it was  to those with whom they fellowship who are also in leadship, (Multitude of counselors).  

I'll tell you why.  There's an endangered species in the Body of Christ when it comes to marriage...it's Trust.  It's just not there and I'm talking even between those in leadership.   Listen to the messages of the many women who speak these days.  Every other line...speaks the lost of trust.  It's there. One line speaks, love and honor your husband, the next line says, 'look out for yourself....  

Do you know what this Pastor was truly asking BlkManWSS and his ex-wife?  "How much trust do you have in each other?  It had nothing to do with an accident?   How much do your trust your husband?  Even more, how much do you trust God?   

Remember when Ezekiel asked the widow woman, (I Kings) "...make me a cake first."   The woman had a son and she was down to her last / during a three year drought.  However, she took a chance on trusting God, and the oil and the meal never failed them in spite of the others around them which did fail and go hungry.   

The issue here is 'Trust."  God wants to put it back into marriages and to stay there, eternally.


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 29, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> This is great.  It may also be good if they presented this thread as it was to those with whom they fellowship who are also in leadship, (Multitude of counselors).
> 
> I'll tell you why. There's an endangered species in the Body of Christ when it comes to marriage...it's Trust. It's just not there and I'm talking even between those in leadership. Listen to the messages of the many women who speak these days. Every other line...speaks the lost of trust. It's there. One line speaks, love and honor your husband, the next line says, 'look out for yourself....
> 
> ...


 
Hmmmm.....enough said.  I won't even go into what my husband and I do in the Kingdom.  Shimmie, you the Woman for the Job!!!

Bless you.


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## SweetCaramel1 (Jan 29, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I went to a pre marital counseling session at my church and the pastor asked me this question. I would like to see how you would answer.
> 
> *If your husband, mother and yourself was driving along the road in the rain over a low bridge. The car hydroplanes and loses control and goes over the guardrail and into the water. You lose consciousness for a moment and quickly wake up to the water filing up inside the car. You find your mother and husband unconscious. You're able to open a window and get out. However, you quickly realize by how fast the water is coming in that you will only be able to save ONE of them because there will be no time to go back and get the other. Whom would you save?*
> 
> ...


 
i would choose my husband.  i just attended a sermon last week that gave the order of priority and spouse was after god.


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## SweetCaramel1 (Jan 29, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> 
> Amen


 
the oder my pastor gave was
god
spouse
children
church
work or school

if you didn't have a spouse then parent(s)


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## Shimmie (Jan 30, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:
			
		

> Hmmmm.....enough said. I won't even go into what my husband and I do in the Kingdom. Shimmie, you the Woman for the Job!!!
> 
> Bless you.


 
Bless you too.  I wish that I were the woman for the job.   

I'm laughing because right now I'm having a 'moment' with the Lord and if a certain 'someone' was my husband right now, he'd be drowning in that car...  

My point is that I'm totally female; but as a woman of God, we put aside our 'hormones' and we trust our marriages to God.  Men and husbands will never be perfection, but God is.  And in Him do I place my trust to trust my husband.  It's scarey, but we have to trust in order to make marriage work.  

I'm sad to see the Church fall by the wayside as it has in marriage.  We're not to live as the world does.  We bear each other up; forgiving, forbearing one another.  BlkManWSS posted scripture for this from the book of Corinthians. 

Yet, I see something more than words in you and your husband, "Nice&Wavy"...I see the covering of the Blood...The Blood of Jesus is sanctioned in your marriage.  And as the mantle of Elijah was smote the waters of the Jordon River when given to Elisha, the two you in a whirlwind shall smote the waters which seek to destroy 'Trust' in marriage.  

I'm not forfeiting the Trust that God has given me for someone that I love; I've lost enough in this life.  And if more of us in the Church would just fight for it, there would never be a need to choose between husband and mother...Trust would keep them both from drowning. 

Sorry for the long post... But this question would never have needed being asked...if 'Trust' were not the real issue being addressed.


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## BlkManWithSomeSense (Jan 30, 2007)

SweetCaramel1 said:
			
		

> the oder my pastor gave was
> god
> spouse
> children
> ...


 
Whoops.. you are correct....
God ... Spouse... Children.....Church...

I thought i typed it correctly..


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 30, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Bless you too. I wish that I were the woman for the job.
> 
> *I'm laughing because right now I'm having a 'moment' with the Lord and if a certain 'someone' was my husband right now, he'd be drowning in that car...*   LOL!!!
> 
> ...


 
Only God could have given such a revelation to you, Shimmie.  The same words were given to us by God in the beginning of our marriage.  We have a marriage ministry and its been on fire

!  The Lord has been exploding this ministry with His Power and we are seeing marriages set free, right before our eyes.  It's been an awesome experience!

Thank you for being sensitive to hearing the Lord.  This is truly a confirmation, I certainly didn't expect to get at this time, I expected it, just didn't know when and/or how.  Wow, I'm so blessed right now!!!

Shimmie*...."May the Lord Bless you and keep you, may He  make His face to shine up you and be gracious to you.  May the Lord lift up His Countenance upon you and give you, PEACE!!!"


*


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## MizAvalon (Jan 30, 2007)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Glamourous...don't allow the fear of the world to trap you into not trusting your husband. And in this thread, lack of trust in one's spouse is what is being expressed here between each line.
> 
> Common sense, will tell you immediately to feed a child before feeding an adult (as your other post sited).
> 
> ...


 
What a lovely and thought-provoking post Shimmie.


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## Shimmie (Mar 25, 2007)

Reflecting.... upon another excellent 'Life Reflection'.    

Between husband and wife...it's all about 'trust.'

"Do I trust the man I married, to stay with him come hell or high water; or am I pre-packed to run home to 'Mama at the first sign of a flood; leaving him to drown?'


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## carcajada (Mar 25, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> Whom would you save?[/I][/B]
> 
> *Your Husband.. or ...Your mother?*
> 
> Before you reply, you MUST choose one or the other. There is no other option. There is a reason for this and I will tell you what I said and what the pastor said after a few responses.



My husband because marriage puts him at a position more important than my mother and family.


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## MommaMayhann (Mar 28, 2007)

I would choose my husband first... Without a doubt. And I KNOW that my mother would look down on me and smile ! 

On another note... It very disheartening reading the "what if we get divorced"  and "you can always get another husband" points of view. I love my mother with all my heart and while she is not replaceable...(to a certain degree) neither is my husband.


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## pebbles (Mar 28, 2007)

BlkManWithSomeSense said:
			
		

> I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed
> 
> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> ...


 
Amen! Bless you!


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## pebbles (Mar 28, 2007)

Glamourous said:
			
		

> Just a question......if you only had 1 bowl of cereal in the house and no money or any other food, would you let your husband eat and your children starve, since he is at the top of the 'hierarchy'?


 
A man is charged with being the head of the household, and all children are his responsibility. Any reasonable set of parents would feed the children first, in this case. I can't imagine a parent eating and letting their kids starve. A real man of GOD would never allow that to happen.


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## *KP* (Feb 13, 2008)

I had to bump this old thread.

I understand the biblical explanation behind this but I don't know any what I'd call "permanent" relationships.  From what I have seen in my environment - family, friends, friends parents etc - the man usually leaves and/or cheats and that's why I struggle with this question.  From what I have seen/how I've been raised those who would have picked the husband in this hypothetical situation got burned....real bad.


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## Shimmie (Feb 13, 2008)

special_k said:


> I had to bump this old thread.
> 
> I understand the biblical explanation behind this but I don't know any what I'd call "permanent" relationships. From what I have seen in my environment - family, friends, friends parents etc - the man usually leaves and/or cheats and that's why I struggle with this question. From what I have seen/how I've been raised those who would have picked the husband in this hypothetical situation got burned....real bad.


It's a 'scarey' thought, especially for one who has not seen or experienced a solid relationship in marriage.  

However there are men who 'stay'.  There are men who 'love'.  There are men who committ.  There are men who are 'Men.'

And for you, this I pray.  That God will bring this kind of man into your life.  A man like Him, who is trustworthy and loyal, committed and complete in himself and totally committed to you.  

And that you will NEVER have to make a decision to choose the life of one for another.  

God bless you Special K and don't let the misfortune of others be your icon.  You deserve the best that life has to offer.  Even more, the best the God has to offer and He's already begun by giving you His love in the form of Jesus.


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## *KP* (Feb 14, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> It's a 'scarey' thought, especially for one who has not seen or experienced a solid relationship in marriage.
> 
> However there are men who 'stay'. There are men who 'love'. There are men who committ. There are men who are 'Men.'
> 
> ...


 

Aww, thank you Shimmie, you are too kind


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## Laela (Feb 17, 2011)

WOW!

It's really good to come across a man's perspective on Marriage in this forum.. God really is a God of order (priorities)


[I'll keep digging.. ]




BlkManWithSomeSense said:


> I gave the correct answer without hesitation which was 'Save my wife'. Ironically my ex wife said "her mother" when she was asked the same question. erplexed
> 
> The pastor said the reason why your spouse comes first is because when a couple marries the priorities change and you leave your parents and forsake all things ( as Sonit said  ). The order becomes God and your immediate family.. Children.. spouse and then mother and father.
> 
> ...


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## Guitarhero (Feb 17, 2011)

My mother...you can always get another husband.    But seriously, does anyone think it differs by culture?  That type of scenario is unfair, imho.


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## Shimmie (Feb 17, 2011)

Wow... this was some thread.  

.... and I ain't changed one bit....


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## delitefulmane (Feb 17, 2011)

This thread is great for the single (i.e. in a relationship but not married) and hopeful to be able to hear the Christian perspective on life's issues!


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## Laela (Feb 17, 2011)

That's an interesting question... while I don't see how seeing anyone as 'disposable' is right, God's divine order surely must have some merit when it comes to situations like this. For me, God's Word trumps cultural bounds/beliefs... It's God first, husband second, then Mommy.   
 Lord knows how much I love my mother and I'm close to her...I also know she is in Good Hands, given a situation like this.  
 




Volver_Alma_Gitana said:


> My mother...you can always get another husband.   * But seriously, does anyone think it differs by culture?  That type of scenario is unfair, imho.*


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## Shimmie (Feb 17, 2011)

Laela said:


> That's an interesting question... while I don't see how seeing anyone as 'disposable' is right, God's divine order surely must have some merit when it comes to situations like this. For me, God's Word trumps cultural bounds/beliefs...
> 
> It's God first, husband second, then Mommy.
> Lord knows how much I love my mother and I'm close to her...I also know she is in Good Hands, given a situation like this.



Hey Laela... 

With me being the proud mother of a handsome son...

He betta' ack' like he 'know'....


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## Prudent1 (Feb 17, 2011)

^^^ "Mama didn't raise no fool..."


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## Lucie (Feb 17, 2011)

This is really easy for me. My husband.


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## Shimmie (Feb 17, 2011)

Lucie said:


> This is really easy for me. My husband.



Awwww, Lucie.    

The 'two' shall always be 'One'.  You and Hubbie


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## Shimmie (Feb 17, 2011)

Prudent1 said:


> ^^^ "Mama didn't raise no fool..."



You betta' know it.  

After Four hours of hard labour...


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## PinkPebbles (Feb 17, 2011)

I know the biblical answer is to save your husband BUT I would save my mother.

And I hope that my husband would save his mother over me.

_Don't stone me_.... _When I get married I'll come back to this thread to see if my decision changed._


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## disgtgyal (Feb 20, 2011)

@ KP I totally understand your position which is based on what you saw/ see because I too grew up witnessing failed marriages and at a very young age I said I'm never getting married because there is no way I would put up with what my aunts endure nor would I allow the antics of my uncles. God however had a different plan and He brought someone into my life who knew what marriage was suppose to be, and God slowly changed my mind. The question from the OP was a no brainer I would definitely save my husband, and IMO choosing otherwise is being hearers of the word and not doers, in addition and this might be a stretch but it's my opinion but I think knowing the Word and still choosing your mother you've killed your spouse and as a result guilty of murder


Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF


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## LunadeMiel (Feb 20, 2011)

I don't know but I'm more inclined to say my mother. I only have one mother....


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## Guitarhero (Feb 20, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> You betta' know it.
> 
> After Four hours of hard labour...




And multiple weeks of episiotomy recovery thereafter.


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## Shimmie (Feb 20, 2011)

Volver_Alma_Gitana said:


> And multiple weeks of episiotomy recovery thereafter.


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## Zeal (Feb 20, 2011)

I am not married nor dating.  However without even thinking I would choose my mother.  Do you need an explanation?


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## Zeal (Feb 20, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> My husband...but God forbid such a tragedy.
> 
> At a moment like that, *you're not thinking who is or isn't saved*...neither are you thinking one or the other. You're thinking, Oh God! And you gravitate towards the one with whom you are closest. The one to whom I am cleaved. Am I not fitly joined to my husband?
> 
> ...


 
Thanks for keeping it real.  I have not read all of the post yet.  But what you say makes a lot of sense especially the vows.  I don't know what it is like to love as a wife..only a daughter.  With that being said.. Rightnow I can only focus on my tree.  My Mom.  YOU know how I feel about my Mom.


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## Laela (Feb 20, 2011)

Nice & Wavy said:


> *Once married*, the order for the family goes like this:
> 
> God
> Jesus
> ...


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## Nice & Wavy (Feb 21, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> Wow... this was some thread.
> 
> ....
> 
> ...


...me either!


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## Shimmie (Feb 21, 2011)

Nice & Wavy said:


> ...me either!



Hey Love...     


As for your comment:    You KNOW how 'we' do....  


To you and hubby...


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## Nice & Wavy (Feb 21, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> Hey Love...
> 
> 
> As for your comment:    You KNOW how 'we' do....
> ...



Yes I do...

Thanks!


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## Shimmie (Feb 21, 2011)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Yes I do...
> 
> Thanks!



You are more than welcome 'Loved One'...


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