# Christian men in the club…



## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 6, 2012)

So I’m noticing a huge increase in folks around me who are getting married to people they met at the club. Now me I’ve never been one to club and probably have gone inside of a club a total of 5 times in my life. These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church. Now as a Christian I know it is wrong to go clubbing and be around pagans etc. but are us single ladies limiting ourselves? Are we hurting our chances because we only stay around church events where the men are usually there with their fiancés or wives they met outside of the church? I’m starting to believe I need to expand myself to other areas because attending church functions alone is not getting me anywhere. Am I the only one noticing this?


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

Um, I can only speak for me, 


"These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church." *This is a oxymoron. Christians in the club? Um no. Sorry. Its not so. Now you right they are probably on the same level if they are both in the club, but its nothing Chrisitan about it.*

*But I dont believe in the dating around thing. My method may be old fashioned to some  and I would probably would get alot of side eyes *


*But I would never never never lower my standards to get a husband nor will I "hang out" at a place to find one either. The man God has for me, will come to me. I dont have to go looking. God got it.*

*And I dont care if all my members went and got there spouses in the club, wouldnt be me! Two cant walk together unless they agree and  dont agree with that lifestyle*



Kinkyhairlady said:


> So I’m noticing a huge increase in folks around me who are getting married to people they met at the club. Now me I’ve never been one to club and probably have gone inside of a club a total of 5 times in my life. These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church. Now as a Christian I know it is wrong to go clubbing and be around pagans etc. but are us single ladies limiting ourselves? Are we hurting our chances because we only stay around church events where the men are usually there with their fiancés or wives they met outside of the church? I’m starting to believe I need to expand myself to other areas because attending church functions alone is not getting me anywhere. Am I the only one noticing this?


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## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 6, 2012)

Alicialynn86 said:


> Um, I can only speak for me,
> 
> 
> "These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church." *This is a oxymoron. Christians in the club? Um no. Sorry. Its not so. Now you right they are probably on the same level if they are both in the club, but its nothing Chrisitan about it.*
> ...




I know my comment sounds like a oxymoron but the way these men explained it to me is that they go out to listen to good music and have a nice time. In my culture many of the guys go to Haitian balls where a Haitian band comes and plays. Sometimes those things can be messy others classy but it just depends. I was brought up to stay away from those athmospheres but its like I am starting to want to test it out. I may hate it and never go back but I want to go see. I enjoy music and would not mind going to a jazz club or something, is that so bad? The older I get the more I'm thinking I really limited myself.


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## Shinka (Feb 6, 2012)

Why does the club have to be bad and unholy? To me it's all about how you conduct yourself and the atmosphere.

 People go to adult lounges/clubs to maybe dance and socialize or hear great music or comedy. It's not always to drink and "bump and grind." He or She could be celebrating with friends. 

I think if you are open minded, then try it. Just be aware.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## Renewed1 (Feb 6, 2012)

Personally, if I met my "FH" at the club....I would REALLY question it, because I'm not a club person. (Although, I do like to shake my rump shaker!) 

My thing is God knows his people and he knows what we can handle, question, etc. 

Is it impossible for two GOOD Christians people to find each other in a club? No, of course not, sometimes people go to clubs for parties, because their friend asked, etc. I would be concern if these two people were always going to the "club". 

But a one time chance meeting....I wouldn't question. It really depends on the perspective of the person.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

*Ok wait a minute....*looks to make sure I am in the Christian Forum* *


*So yall actually think its ok for Christians to go to clubs?*

*Club as in where actual alcohol,smoking,people dressing provactively, drunk people, lust and ungodly music.*

*Now I am speaking in regards to Christian people, that live a Christian life, not church goers.*

*This is shocking to me, it shouldnt be but it is...*

*He said we (christians) are not of the world, we are peculiar, and we should live godly and holy lifes before Him. Im sorry but True Christians dont go clubbing. A Christians mean someone who is "Christ Like", I cant imagine Christ in the club, Im sorry *


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

The bible says everything we do should be for the glory of God. Now ask yourself this, is going to a club that plays secular music glorifying God?

Please dont take offense to what I am saying...Im not trying to come to you with a harsh spirit, I just really want you to see what God is requiring, and He is requiring a holy life, seperated and devoted to Him.

Your life isnt for you, but its for Christ, that He may be glorified.




Kinkyhairlady said:


> I. I enjoy music and would not mind going to a jazz club or something, is that so bad? The older I get the more I'm thinking I really limited myself.


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## aribell (Feb 6, 2012)

From my perspective, clubs and a lounges are different types of environments.  I'm a lot more skeptical of clubs/clubbing.  

I don't know anyone--Christian or not--who is married who goes clubbing or met their DH or FH in a club.  So your experience is a new one to me.  

As with anything, how much you want of the Lord is up to you.  How much you want your relationship to be godly is up to you.  If you go to a club, you'll get the kind of man who goes clubbing.  He may have faith, but he also has some maturing to do.  It's easy to show up on Sunday after having done whatever on Saturday night...so the fact that a person labels themselves Christian or goes to church even isn't necessarily going to be everything you're looking for.

ETA:  In the op, I see only two options given--clubbing or church events.  There are dozens of other options in how to socialize and have a good time.  If all I did was go to church events, I'd probably go batty.  I enjoy live music and wouldn't think anything of going to a jazz lounge or coffeehouse performances.  And outside of live music, there are many other perfectly good ways to get out and meet people.  You could be limiting yourself, but I don't think it has anything to do with not going to clubs.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 6, 2012)

I agree clubs are not the place to be as a Christian but a lounge is more like a social area where you can sit and relax no? I don't want to go to a lounge and it be a sin as well.


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## aribell (Feb 6, 2012)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> I agree clubs are not the place to be as a Christian but a lounge is more like a social area where you can sit and relax no? I don't want to go to a lounge and it be a sin as well.



I think with lounges it's more of a case by case type of thing.  Every venue has it's own type of "spirit" to it, some clean, some unclean.


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## Laela (Feb 6, 2012)

Oh my.... Lounge is a euphemism for "Club" depending on who says it.. lol. I hear of Christians, mainly  older ones justifying going to the club by saying it's the "lounge" because of happy hour or the "rowdy crowd" isn't there yet. But see that's how Satan lies to us...how is it a different place simply beause of the time one goes?  **scratching head** I know everyone's walk is different..so no condemnation from me. There even are Christians who have ministries in the club as well. I'm just saying... call it was it is and make no excuses or compromise. If God isn't being glorified, it's enemy territory.  







Kinkyhairlady said:


> I agree clubs are not the place to be as a Christian but a lounge is more like a social area where you can sit and relax no? I don't want to go to a lounge and it be a sin as well.


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## Shimmie (Feb 6, 2012)

Alicialynn86 said:


> *
> 
> Ok wait a minute....*looks to make sure I am in the Christian Forum*
> *
> ...



  @ the bolded and the side eye.... 

I'm staying out of this one.   That other thread whipped me and we have prayer tomorrow night.  I need to get my 'holiness' back.   

However, I with you all the way on this one Alicia... 

You go girl ! ! !


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

lol Shimmie..


I was serious. . I really looked. I was thinking, I know Im not in OT...


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## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 6, 2012)

Though it is a foolish question in the Christian forum I'm sure this is a decision many battle with in their walk. I go to church, work and school. We have a marriage thread here and it's like how are we suppose to meet this future husband? Church certainly is not cutting it nor are the church functions.


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## Shinka (Feb 6, 2012)

Let me just clarify I don't belong to the do everything by the book sec. So you can take my post with whatever. I just saying there are different venues for "nightlife." a place where one may enjoy secular but nice music like neosoul or jazz may be an appropriate place to met someone. 

If its not gospel, should one not go? There are plenty of things in this world that are made for us to appreciate and enjoy that doesn't fall under " of the devil". Art, good music, movies, books etc. that may have not outwardly focus on "glorifying God." I believe when people are using their talents for good, they are glorifying God. 

When you buy a nice hair clip is it to glorify the Lord? What about if you read Essence magazine? Or go to School?

It sounds like OP just needs to explore various "appropriate" social settings- maybe with the mindset of meeting new people, not necessarily men. A man she meets at the club, bookstore or church should have the same vetting process anyway.

When she said club, I thought lounge because I highly doubt you can have a decent introductory conversation in a "club."

Just going to church and hoping your husband finds you is bad advice. Enjoy your life OP and who knows what may come your way.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

Op, the question wasnt foolish at all, and if I made you feel that way I do apologize. i am truly sorry. We are open up to all questions and discussions. It was the comments that kind of threw me off....

But my point is, I believe we should never have to go out and "post up" and wait for our future husband. Live your life as normal, go about your daily routine, but dont have the mindset "Im going to the bookstore, i may find my future husband there". 

God said to trust Him with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding...and He will direct your paths. We dont have to "make" anything happen. God will do it and He is in control.



Kinkyhairlady said:


> Though it is a foolish question in the Christian forum I'm sure this is a decision many battle with in their walk. I go to church, work and school. We have a marriage thread here and it's like how are we suppose to meet this future husband? Church certainly is not cutting it nor are the church functions.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

buying a hair clip, or going to school isnt ungodly either..So you can't compare that.


I'm just trying to get over this "go look for a husband " thing. It just sounds desperate and "thirsty". I can understand desiring and expecting it, but to actually go out and look for him???  I didn't do that when I wasnt saved. 

The bible says who can FIND a virtous woman? When a man FINDS, a wife, he finds a good thing.

As women of God, we are treasure. We are to be sought out for, seeked out and looked for. We was never intended to be the purser. I guess this is that "new age" thing, I just dont agree with it.


Me personally, I only listen to Gospel music. Because yes it does glorify God. I can't find entertainment in things God hates.


Alot of our problems comes from us trying to put things in our own hands and not trusting God.





Shinka said:


> Let me just clarify I don't belong to the do everything by the book sec. So you can take my post with whatever. I just saying there are different venues for "nightlife." a place where one may enjoy secular but nice music like neosoul or jazz may be an appropriate place to met someone.
> 
> If its not gospel, should one not go? There are plenty of things in this world that are made for us to appreciate and enjoy that doesn't fall under " of the devil". Art, good music, movies, books etc. that may have not outwardly focus on "glorifying God." I believe when people are using their talents for good, they are glorifying God.
> 
> ...


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## Shinka (Feb 6, 2012)

Alicialynn86 said:
			
		

> Op, the question wasnt foolish at all, and if I made you feel that way I do apologize. i am truly sorry. We are open up to all questions and discussions. It was the comments that kind of threw me off....
> 
> But my point is, I believe we should never have to go out and "post up" and wait for our future husband. Live your life as normal, go about your daily routine, but dont have the mindset "Im going to the bookstore, i may find my future husband there".
> 
> God said to trust Him with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding...and He will direct your paths. We dont have to "make" anything happen. God will do it and He is in control.



I very much agree with this. Live your life and explore your interest. I personally don't go to clubs anymore and hardly ever frequent lounges unless it's someone's occasion.

I read into the OP's inquiry as her asking for more ways to meet people other than church. I will say where ever you chose to socialize just be careful not to compromise your morals. While we can repent and will bounce back, we still have to live with the consequences of our actions. This is more a testimony than preachy advice.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## Shinka (Feb 6, 2012)

alicia If you read my post, you will see that I was not encouraging her to go look for a husband.

I will not speak any further on the matter as I think we have the same mindset regarding the looking for a husband.and I see nothing to defend.

As far as people enjoying classical music, art, and the worldly things our God created or inspired people to create, I will just agree to disagree. Not everything of this earth is evil. Have many things been perverted or made for evil as in to tempt?yes. 

I guess that's why we should pray for discernment and wisdom- to know the difference as we walk this walk. What tempts you may not tempt me. 
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## Shimmie (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm trying...to keep quiet.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Feb 6, 2012)

you must be trying hard ...lol


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm having my coffee break


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## Shinka (Feb 6, 2012)

Shimmie
I am very interested in what you have to say. As the questions I posed were genuine and not to be facetious.

If its not done to glorify God than should we not do it. If I take a bath for my personal enjoyment and not with the mindset of honoring my temple is it wrong?

If I got to school to earn more money to take care of my family, not outwardly thinking to Glorifing God is it wrong?

If I buy the hair clip to adorn my hair, is it wrong?

I guess I just wonder if we are not necessarily doing things always with the conscious thought of Glorifying God is it sinful? I am not talking to the extremes if blantant sins like sex, drugs use, etc.

Where does the neutral everyday life things fall- the things we do out of free will.

I guess one could argue that out of your love God, your actions will always fall to please him. I just wonder how conscious is this act? 

Or if the act of listening to music that doesn't necessarily praise God but is simply a string of notes for enjoyment wrong?

I am really curious on more experienced people's opinion, especially you Shimmie since you are a trained dancer. Some dominations believe we shouldn't dance at all. 

Sorry to derail the thread OP, but I am really curious.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

When i was responding back to your post, I wasnt saying it towards you (except for the hair clips and school comment) I was speaking generally.

You right, we have to work out our own salvation. Thats why we must pray that God leads us into all truth. Agreed 


Shinka said:


> @alicia If you read my post, you will see that I was not encouraging her to go look for a husband.
> 
> I will not speak any further on the matter as I think we have the same mindset regarding the looking for a husband.and I see nothing to defend.
> 
> ...


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## SummerSolstice (Feb 6, 2012)

Every "Christian" man I have met in a club or a bar has resulted in a train wreck relationship.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

When I said earlier everything we do should glorify God I was talking about the things we engage ourselves in. Im not talking about taking baths and hair clips, or school. I am talking more on a spiritual level. Things we allow into our spirit, friends we have, company we keep, environments we may engage in.

Please dont take what I said and nit pick it apart. When I said that I referencing what OP said about the clubs..



Shinka said:


> @Shimmie
> I am very interested in what you have to say. As the questions I posed were genuine and not to be facetious.
> 
> *If its not done to glorify God than should we not do it*. If I take a bath for my personal enjoyment and not with the mindset of honoring my temple is it wrong?
> ...


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## Shinka (Feb 6, 2012)

Alicialynn86

Thank you for clarifying and I am not trying to pick your post apart. Maybe I should have started a new thread as these are genuine questions. 

I am just asking if the OP enjoys activities that are not part of the church life or consciously glorifies god but are for her enjoyment like frequenting a place where they play Haitian cultural music or jazz, should she not go? I guess in this case her intention or post was about finding a man-so I understand where everyone is coming from with that. 

I was taking the question and framing it on a larger sense because it really should be about her living her life and doing activities she enjoy. However, if she is being advised that going to a jazz or Haitian lounge that may indeed play "appropriate" music, should she not go ( or anyone trying to live for God)? I gave other examples of things I am curious about because how can such a mentality apply to one and not others.

I also posed the question to Shimmie as I wasn't attempting to go back and forth with you. I am not being passive aggressive. Once again, thank you for clarifying.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## Shimmie (Feb 6, 2012)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Though it is a foolish question in the Christian forum I'm sure this is a decision many battle with in their walk. I go to church, work and school. We have a marriage thread here and it's like how are we suppose to meet this future husband? Church certainly is not cutting it nor are the church functions.



It's not a foolish question.  Not at all.    

Maybe I'm just UE, but I've never felt like the 'club' scene was for me. 

There are no many other places to meet men which are far more respectable.

I met my Sweetheart at work.    (long story).   But many women meet their husbands this way as well as museums, the library... I'm no kidding.  Through charity activities.   FOOTBALL games....  

I'll try to come back later with some encouraging testimonies.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

oke:

Shimmie




Shimmie said:


> I'm trying...to keep quiet.


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## aribell (Feb 6, 2012)

Laela said:


> Oh my.... Lounge is a euphemism for "Club" depending on who says it.. lol. I hear of Christians, mainly  older ones justifying going to the club by saying it's the "lounge" because of happy hour or the "rowdy crowd" isn't there yet. But see that's how Satan lies to us...how is it a different place simply beause of the time one goes?  **scratching head** I know everyone's walk is different..so no condemnation from me. There even are Christians who have ministries in the club as well. I'm just saying... call it was it is and make no excuses or compromise. If God isn't being glorified, it's enemy territory.



This is different from my experience.  The places I know as clubs are places with loud music, a crowded dance floor, drinks, etc.  There's a specific atmosphere and way people dress to go there that is the same whenever it's open.

Other venues labelled "lounges" have been connected to a restaurant and are places where people sit and talk.  Maybe music.  Not generally dancing, nor drunkenness, even if there is alcohol served.

That's just my experience.  People will probably have to judge based on what the environment is.  Neither are my "scene" though, so maybe my perspective is too limited.


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## Renewed1 (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm enjoying everyone's opinions. 

But let me clarify my stance on clubs/lounges. I don't think Christians should go to clubs (maybe special events) on the regular. Constant exposure to that environment is not ideal. Every blue moon for an event, I feel, for myself is fine. YMMV.

There are so many different ways to meet your FH. Don't every limit what God can do, he will allow the meetup to happen in a place where BOTH parties are comfortable.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 6, 2012)

So what is considered a lounge?


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## aribell (Feb 6, 2012)

Alicialynn86 said:


> So what is considered a lounge?



Someone else might give their perspective, but is it the label that really matters?  In the end, whatever the place is called, believers should just participate in activities that are good, true, noble, pure, lovely, etc.


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## Shimmie (Feb 6, 2012)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> you must be trying hard ...lol




   Very....        I had 'tape' on my fingers to keep from typing.    My face was pulsing like this...   :blush3:


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## Shimmie (Feb 6, 2012)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> I'm having my coffee break



  Stop making fun of my siggy....


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## MonPetite (Feb 6, 2012)

.....................


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## LoveisYou (Feb 6, 2012)

LittleGoldenLamb said:


> Alicialynn86
> 
> We tend to see eye to eye on most everything, even to a degree that regular posters in this forum don't, so know that I come from a similar mindset.
> 
> ...



There are definitely lounges like the above, but as a former heavy partier, there are also lounges that are like mini clubs. These are where the folks who claim to be "grown and sexy" go, but skimpy clothing are worn, ppl are their to snag a hot man or woman, alcohol flows openly, music is highly sexualized etc. There is not as much dancing, but there can be, and I'm not talking about the two step . Of course ppl "dress up" what a lounge is or isn't, but if we're being honest there are lounges where the spirit of lust runs rampant.
Now a place like what you described is different from the typical lounge, but for the most part I see lounges as mini clubs.

Though  I do think clubs tend to be more rowdy.


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## LifeafterLHCF (Feb 6, 2012)

Man in this society one can't do crap really but stay at home and pray and read your bible.Most entertainment means are so warped now. I have never been a clubber or partier bc of several reasons-size,money,etc and I'm also way deep so I can't enjoy a setting where folks blew their whole 12.00hr cust service job check to be in..I know that some Christians go to these places but I never felt I could meet anyone worth while there bc if we were to get married I would be embarrassed to say where we met..I can't fix my lips to say oh we met at the club..not.

We are all charged to not make others stumble.So things that aren't your stumbling block may be for others who are watching you so even though things may be permit-table doesn't mean you can so you don't make others stumble..


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## Renewed1 (Feb 6, 2012)

LittleGoldenLamb I agree with your entire post about what a true lounge is really about. But I've been to the UE lounges and the "da club" lounges. Every place is different, it really depends on your taste. 

NOW for the bold. If you catch a quality man's attention at whole foods, you may want to consider him. He cares about his health and he can afford the groceries. 

I will admit there are some handsome SINGLE men that shop/work at Whole Foods, I saw a few tonight, that made me stop DEAD IN MY TRACKS!!! I had to thank God for my eyes and the ability to see.




LittleGoldenLamb said:


> *Husband at *an art gallery, nice lounge (see above for what *I* mean by lounge), *whole foods*, church, a soccer game, dog park, etc.? ABSOLUTELY!
> 
> Only attending church functions (and let's face it, most churches are not having "functions" every night and every weekend that are young-people-meet-up-and-get-married-friendly) and doing NOTHING else throughout the week and weekend is not the best way to be found by your future Boaz.
> 
> Participating in church is an absolutely GREAT thing to do --don't get me wrong-- we're SUPPOSED to, quite frankly,you should be participating in a ministry anyway.


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## LifeafterLHCF (Feb 6, 2012)

MarriageMaterial why can I see you doing the holy shuffle or something at Whole Foods praising for the fine men..yes I try to go to Whole Foods cute bc I have had one come up on me and I was like dang you fine special dark chocolate man with white blinding smile I would look like who did it and why..never again..


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## Renewed1 (Feb 6, 2012)

GoddessMaker said:


> @MarriageMaterial why can I see you doing the holy shuffle or something at Whole Foods praising for the fine men..yes I try to go to Whole Foods cute bc I have had one come up on me and I was like dang you fine special dark chocolate man with white blinding smile I would look like who did it and why..never again..



GoddessMaker Actually, I gave them my "come hither smile'.  But I may do the holy shuffle, if one of them had approach me.

Yeah, I need to remind myself to look cute when I go out as well. Tonight wasn't one of my cute moments...

But it's a good reminder that men are EVERYWHERE and I don't need to do anything extra to get a guy's attention or go where the men are. Ruth didn't she just went to work everyday and got Boaz.


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## LoveisYou (Feb 7, 2012)

MarriageMaterial said:


> GoddessMaker Actually, I gave them my "come hither smile'.  But I may do the holy shuffle, if one of them had approach me.
> 
> Yeah, I need to remind myself to look cute when I go out as well. Tonight wasn't one of my cute moments...
> 
> *But it's a good reminder that men are EVERYWHERE and I don't need to do anything extra to get a guy's attention or go where the men are. Ruth didn't she just went to work everyday and got Boaz*.



Amen! Such a different message from what society tells us to do.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 7, 2012)

I appreciate all the advice in this thread. I won't go to a club but I will go ti a lounge/ restaurant cause I see many around here. I don't think that should hurt. It's no secret I am looking for a FH I don't deny that so yes I want to position myself in places I'll get noticed and easily approached. I'm not saying I'm going to approach anyone but if I make sure I look nice and presentable then I have a better chance. It's my theory and I want to try it out. It may not work or it may work. Only God knows.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 7, 2012)

MarriageMaterial said:
			
		

> GoddessMaker Actually, I gave them my "come hither smile'.  But I may do the holy shuffle, if one of them had approach me.
> 
> Yeah, I need to remind myself to look cute when I go out as well. Tonight wasn't one of my cute moments...
> 
> But it's a good reminder that men are EVERYWHERE and I don't need to do anything extra to get a guy's attention or go where the men are. Ruth didn't she just went to work everyday and got Boaz.



Though Ruth was just working in the fields she would not be there had she declined the offer to move to another town with her Mil right? She took a chance and changed her atmosphere. Had she stayed where she was after her DH died she would not have met Boaz IMO. Sometimes one must change their atmosphere. I have not been approached on the street in a few years. When I was younger it would happen but now I just get the occasional stare. I just feel if I'm somewhere fun and relaxing that i will appear more open to be approached.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 7, 2012)

Well I was trying to get a understanding because to me a lounge and a club is quite similar on different levels. A lounge usually consists of drinking and music...IMO

Personally you wont find me in a secular lounge nor club. Now if this was a Christian lounge, with no alcohol or secular music, but with priase and worship music....I would be there. But other than that....no



nicola.kirwan said:


> Someone else might give their perspective, but is it the label that really matters? In the end, whatever the place is called, believers should just participate in activities that are good, true, noble, pure, lovely, etc.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 7, 2012)

Well Ruth moved with her MIL because of obedience. A husband was not on her mind. She was just in the will of God and everything fell into place. Ruth didnt position herself, God positioned her.




Kinkyhairlady said:


> Though Ruth was just working in the fields she would not be there had she declined the offer to move to another town with her Mil right? She took a chance and changed her atmosphere. Had she stayed where she was after her DH died she would not have met Boaz IMO. Sometimes one must change their atmosphere. I have not been approached on the street in a few years. When I was younger it would happen but now I just get the occasional stare. I just feel if I'm somewhere fun and relaxing that i will appear more open to be approached.


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## LucieLoo12 (Feb 7, 2012)

Kinkyhairlady


Why do you want to be married at this time? If you dont mind me asking




Kinkyhairlady said:


> I appreciate all the advice in this thread. I won't go to a club but I will go ti a lounge/ restaurant cause I see many around here. I don't think that should hurt. It's no secret I am looking for a FH I don't deny that so yes I want to position myself in places I'll get noticed and easily approached. I'm not saying I'm going to approach anyone but if I make sure I look nice and presentable then I have a better chance. It's my theory and I want to try it out. It may not work or it may work. Only God knows.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 7, 2012)

Alicialynn86 said:
			
		

> Kinkyhairlady
> 
> Why do you want to be married at this time? If you dont mind me asking



I'm in my 30s and I want companionship and children. I don't want to be trying to conceive in my late 30s early 40s. That may work for some but I'm not interested in that. The older I get the more depressing it is to be alone. If God knows the desires of my heart than why is he making me wait so long. If I never marry or have kids I will be a very sad and bitter lady so why would God want me to be sad and bitter? I ask this questions in prayer but I've yet to get a response. Ah well


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## aribell (Feb 7, 2012)

Shimmie said:


> *Maybe I'm just UE*, but I've never felt like the 'club' scene was for me.







Kinkyhairlady said:


> If I never marry or have kids I will be a very sad and bitter lady so why would God want me to be sad and bitter? I ask this questions in prayer but I've yet to get a response. Ah well



God doesn't want you to be sad and bitter.  But He also knows that the source of your joy is not a husband or children.  Paul said that he knew how to be content in all circumstances--but that was because he was rooted in Christ such that he looked to Christ as his all in all.  Marriage is well and good, but I'm positive that you will find joy, peace, love and all the other good stuff the Holy Spirit brings if you delve deeply into Him.  I don't mean going to church more often or praying more to receive x, y, or z. (many women fall into the religious trap) I mean seeking HIM for His own sake.

Besides seeking His face, He also promises good things to those who pour themselves out for others, especially the needy and oppressed.  Isaiah 58:10-11; Psalm 112:4-9


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## MonPetite (Feb 7, 2012)

.......................


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## Shimmie (Feb 7, 2012)

I have something 'Nice' to share.   Really   

May I share it sometime tomorrow?   It's our prayer night and I need to keep my focus for tonight's prayer session.


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## BostonMaria (Feb 7, 2012)

OP I am 41, but used to go clubbing in my 20's. I can tell you right now there are no husbands in the club. A boyfriend maybe. 

Most of my non-saved friends are having a hard time finding a husband. This isn't just a Christian girl problem or black woman problem. Would you consider a Christian dating site instead? At least you can pick and choose who you like and sorting out any weirdos. 

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF


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## LoveisYou (Feb 7, 2012)

LittleGoldenLamb said:


> What is typical for one is not typical for another, in many cases.
> 
> I've never been exposed to lounges that are like mini-clubs or "da club" as a whole.
> 
> ...



Yes, we definitely did lol. If you ask any New Yorker or "D.C.-er" to describe a lounge, that description would most likely not fit your definition. When ppl talk about going to a lounge it's typically not to go see an art show - it's to go have drinks and socialize, i.e., meet a "cutie." It's basically considered an upscale bar. 

Thus based on my understanding of and experiences with lounges (clearly influenced by location I believe), I don't see them as a location to meet Christian men.


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## shenitab (Feb 7, 2012)

I think I may have some interesting things to say.

I once met a nice young man when I was in college. He invited me to church and I accepted. I ended up going there for a few years.

I met my husband at a club when I was in college. We have been married for ten years and have three kids.

I think that where you should go and the things that you should do depend on you. There are different types of people everywhere. You can go to a college class and be surrounded by people of different faiths, upbringing, morals, religions, and dress. It is up to you to be strong in who you are - your faith, upbringing, morals - and let the light that you have within you be seen by others.

Before I was married I met men in church who were not husband material. I met men at school who were not husband material. I met men at restaurants, at sports events, and at the gas station who were not marriage material. Those are not places I would keep myself from going due to those people not having the same values, morals, upbringing, etc. that I had. 

I have no problem telling anyone that I met my husband at a club. None, nada. I have no problem telling anyone why I chose him and why he says that he chose me (even though the woman chooses). I think that you have to be aware of who you allow to come into your life - male and female - regardless of where you meet them. 

I could see Jesus in a club. Talking to people and listening to what was going on in their lives. Telling the ones who were there searching for the wrong thing that they needed to seek him to find what they were missing. I don't think Jesus gives people the side eye for listening to some secular music.

Now I'm not telling everybody to run out to the club in order to find a husband. I think that you can meet nice guys at random places and you can meet bad guys at random places. You are not going to meet many people at home on your couch but that is another story. I think the important thing is being able to decipher who is who when you meet them. It is also important that you know who you are, what you want, and act accordingly no matter where you are.


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## MonPetite (Feb 8, 2012)

.....................


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Feb 8, 2012)

so where is it...or did I miss something




Shimmie said:


> I have something 'Nice' to share. Really
> 
> May I share it sometime tomorrow? It's our prayer night and I need to keep my focus for tonight's prayer session.


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## makeupgirl (Feb 8, 2012)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> I'm in my 30s and I want companionship and children. I don't want to be trying to conceive in my late 30s early 40s. That may work for some but I'm not interested in that. The older I get the more depressing it is to be alone. If God knows the desires of my heart than why is he making me wait so long. If I never marry or have kids I will be a very sad and bitter lady so why would God want me to be sad and bitter? I ask this questions in prayer but I've yet to get a response. Ah well


 
I understand because sometimes I get the same way, especially since (Lord willing) I'm about to turn 31 in April.  I believe that the time for marriage is coming but it hasn't happened yet because the Lord is still preparing us.  That's all it is.  He knows everything about us before the foundation of this earth but all he ask us to do as his children is obey and trust him.  He also wants us to continue to seek him first in everything we do.  

He really had to wake me up hard when it came to dating online sites.  I was a member of the main ones and met some characters and even then I would ignore the Lord's warning to back off but the desperation got the best of me.  So, one day, I tried out Christiancafe.com.  Suppose to be pretty safe and no nuts right? Wrong, the Lord allowed me to meet a couple of guys that was not who he wanted me to be with to teach me that 1) he don't need my help in the selection 2) just because the title of christian is besides one's name on a Christian type dating site doesn't mean they have an actual relationship with Christ 3) not all insane people aint locked up.    The final guy, wanted sex and asked me point blank if I was interested on the first date (we haven't even met yet and this was on his mind).  Well, I never spoke with him again and promptly listened to the Lord and deleted the entire acct (that's 24.95 I'll never see again) 

My last and final guy was my ex from my teenage years (who I still can't remember dating, interesting) and I gave it another shot.  Dummy me slept with him and I never heard, saw him again.  

After that and the begging that I wasn't pregnant scare, I gave up and gave the wheel to the Lord.  Last year, a whole year went by without me even thinking about dating.  I had a few prospects but no was always the answer the Lord gave me.  He always let me know that he's still preparing me for this step.  Which includes being tested to see if my trust and faith is completely in him.  

Didn't mean to share my life story but the point is God is still preparing you for that step.  When you completely let go and keep being busy for the Lord, you never know when he's going to say "Hey it's time" But also be careful because Satan knows our desires as well (that fraudster) he's a tricky dude that will place each type of temptations and will let say what's seems right to man and to our desires, he brings it like clockwork knowing that it's against God's will for us.  

Don't worry girlie, Hubby is coming.  Remember the Lord our Heavenly Father is still preparing you and the guy.


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## Shimmie (Feb 9, 2012)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> so where is it...or did I miss something



I'm still trying to think of something that's nice.   

I do having something and it's from last night's prayer that God was preparing me for.

Kinkyhairlady, your post touched my heart when you shared your feelings that you are no longer getting 'the looks' or the ''hollas' that you used to get.   I was moved by you sharing that you would be a bitter person if you went through life without having someone to share it with in marriage and to not have children [family] some day.

It was time for me to leave work, go home and prepare for our prayer line. 

I carried what you shared in my heart after I logged off yesterday evening; during my entire ride home on the train, listening to the music on my MP3, looking out the window.    Then, as I walked to the shuttle that takes me home and when I woke up this morning, I thought of you and how deeply this affects you.   

God has shown me your heart; which is tender and you are hurting.   Nothing that you have shared here is in vain and neither are you in rebellion to submiting the the will of God.   It's not about the 'club', you are simply hurting.   And this is why I was not able to respond as I normally would.   

When I laughed at Alicia's post above, it was not about you and if it seems so, I apologize.   For I do have a word of encouragment for you.  

Angel, the 'club scene' is not God's best for you.   Not just because of the obvious reasons.   The husband that God has for you is not one who likes that scene nor style of life.   He's above that type of atmosphere... and so are you.   He's worked hard to come out of where he was as a child growing up; he is educated and he is prosperous... quite prosperous.  

How do I know this?   

Here's my heartfelt prayer for you: 

This is the man that you have been asking God for and the man of your dreams that you've been talking about for a long time.   He's a lot like you.  You've both chosen to take a different path in your lives than that of many of your family and friends.  You've both witnessed the consequences many of them have suffered and have had to endure.   You both have even extended help to family members who had reached their bottom and needed help to get back up.

This I know...

He is also a lot like you with his growth in the Lord...growing strong.   He's faithful in his worship yet careful in his commitment to just any Church, and even more careful in making a commitment to just any woman.   He's been looking for you, for almost all of his life.  It won't be at the club where he'll find you.    

Please be encouraged, Little 'K'...   God is simply answering your prayers.   

As for the guys who used to look and holla'... well at some point you became offended when some man gave you a 'look' and a 'holla', that you felt was not so nice.  God settled the matter for you, for the only man who can holla and look at you right, is your future hubbie.

Last night on our prayer line we shared this scripture.  It is for you, too.. . 

_* Zephaniah 3:14-20*

Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel; be glad and rejoice with all the heart, O daughter of Jerusalem.

The LORD hath taken away thy judgments, he hath cast out thine enemy: the King of Israel, even the LORD, is in the midst of thee: thou shalt not see evil any more.

In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem, Fear thou not: and to Zion, Let not thine hands be slack.

The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

I will gather them that are sorrowful for the solemn assembly, who are of thee, to whom the reproach of it was a burden.

Behold, at that time I will undo all that afflict thee: and I will save her that halteth, and gather her that was driven out; and I will get them praise and fame in every land where they have been put to shame.

At that time will I bring you again, even in the time that I gather you: for I will make you a name and a praise among all people of the earth, when I turn back your captivity before your eyes, saith the LORD.


Blessings Little 'K'....  Please take all of this to the Lord in fasting and prayer.  Let God confirm.   _


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## Kinkyhairlady (Feb 9, 2012)

Thank you Shimmie. Reading this post almost brought tears to my eyes. I'm at work so I can't cry. You decribed exactly what I'm looking for. I want someone similar to me in many ways. I have my struggles in my Christian walk but  I want someone that can help me and I can help him with our relationship with God. So funny you brought up the family thing because this is my life. I have not agreed with the choices family members have made which has made me an outcast and caused some loneliness as well. To be honest I want a good husband and to create a family of my own. I will raise my children to love one another and praise God. Sometimes I feel there is a generational curse in my family and I want to break that cycle. I know I can be a good wife and mother I just want God to give me that chance.


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## Shimmie (Feb 9, 2012)

Kinkyhairlady said:


> Thank you Shimmie. Reading this post almost brought tears to my eyes. I'm at work so I can't cry.
> 
> You decribed exactly what I'm looking for. I want someone similar to me in many ways. I have my struggles in my Christian walk but  I want someone that can help me and I can help him with our relationship with God.
> 
> ...



  Good Morning 'Little 'K'...  

My initial response to a 'Club question' was not what you needed to 'hear'.   You know by now how I can 'jump' on a subject and kill it  

However, when I read your post the other evening, it stayed with me.  

Little 'K'... God is right there with you and He totally understands and He has also heard your prayers.    'Close  your eyes and listen... 

*John 5:14-15   (NIV)*

_This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.  

And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. _

Little 'K'... You asked God, and nothing and no one else.  You asked God for your husband.    He heard you, whatever you ask, you shall have what you have asked of Him.

Close your eyes again and listen...

_“Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid.” _(John 14:27)

Jesus also says in verse 1 of John 14...

"If you believe in God...believe also in me"...

Little 'K'... who above anyone else believes in marriage?  

God does; marriage is according to His will.  If we ask anything according to His will....... He will do it.   

Praise God forever... Amen.  

God bless you Little 'K'...


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