# I want to cheat on my husband



## tailormade84 (Jun 7, 2009)

_...or at least my flesh does._

My Story:
Every now and then I'll get "male attention" that makes me feel special and then i end up thinking about that male for days (or even longer if i have to see this male on a regular basis.) These thoughts are not sexual, I just get those _"fuzzy feelings"_ when I think about the person - _kinda like a crush. 
_
The thing is I feel so guilty about these thoughts because I feel like they are the gateway to cheating.

*Anyone have advice for how to stop cheating before it physically manifests?*


_06/08/09 UPDATE::: Thank you ladies for your wonderful advice and transparency and prayers - I praise God for granting me the strength to endure this one more day and i will remember your words and His words the next time I find myself here again....(which i pray isnt too frequently or too soon  )_


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## caramelmocha (Jun 7, 2009)

Stay away fro that man that's making you feel that way keep your distance


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## Almaz (Jun 7, 2009)

Stay away and keep you distance. NOT worth a few minutes of Pleasure to ruin a lives yours and your husband. Just focus on your family and save all those fuzzy feelings for people that count


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## Ladybelle (Jun 7, 2009)

It all starts within the mind, it's quite natural for your body and/or emotions to react to attractive men or men who give you seemingly nice attention, and the flesh IS weak but you have to exercise control. As soon as a wrong or negative thought enters your mind you have to counter that thought with a positive/Godly one. When you start getting those fuzzy feelings,  say (speak out loud if you have to)" I am a faithful woman, I love my husband, I see my marriage as honorable & worthy & my wedding bed will always be undefiled.  Nothing or no one can cause me to sin against God or my husband". If you practice this long enough, you will find that your flesh will line up with your spirit and this problem won't be so big. Most sin starts with our inability to control the thought or emotion that leads to the sin itself. If we can control our mind & emotions, we can pretty much handle any temptation that comes our way.

as believers we have to: 

_Cast down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. (2 Cor 10:5)_


HTH.


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## tailormade84 (Jun 7, 2009)

also found this sermon helpful: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2007/1992/

Marriage: God’s Showcase of Covenant-Keeping Grace by JOHN PIPER

reminded me that marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church....


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## trenise (Jun 7, 2009)

I think you even realizing that cheating is a possibility is a good step for you. So many times when people think it could never be them, that's when they get off gaurd and before they know it, have messed up.


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## BrightCurls (Jun 7, 2009)

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I cheated on my husband several years ago. I confessed the affair to him and thankfully we are still together after marriage counseling and much prayer and forgiveness. Now, when I feel myself attracted to another man, other than my spouse, I avoid the person. I don't even let my eyes look upon that person for a second. _Matthew 8:9- And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into eternity with one eye than have two eyes to be thrown in the hell of fire. _ (ESV)
Sister, I pray Our Lord gives you the strength to resist the temptation of the flesh.


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## zombi (Jun 7, 2009)

peaches-n-cream said:


> The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I cheated on my husband several years ago. I confessed the affair to him and thankfully we are still together after marriage counseling and much prayer and forgiveness. Now, when I feel myself attracted to another man, other than my spouse, I avoid the person. I don't even let my eyes look upon that person for a second. _Matthew 8:9- And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into eternity with one eye than have two eyes to be thrown in the hell of fire. _ (ESV)
> Sister, I pray Our Lord gives you the strength to resist the temptation of the flesh.



I commend you not only for your honesty to your husband, but also for all the hard work you have undertaken to repair & maintain your marriage! You are a strong woman!

I also commend you for your honesty and willingness to confess something like that here, not because you have any ulterior motive, but because you want to help someone else. You go, girl!


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## moonglowdiva (Jun 7, 2009)

*First of all, I think you should take your burden to some of the older ladies in the church and talk about it to someone face to face. You can get a lot of perspective from someone who is experienced. Secondly, pray about it for that perverse spirit to leave. If possible go int agreement with another sister of faith or an elder. Third, I could easily say don't go around this person but your mind is with you constantly so that isn't going to solve anything. I seriously don't that you will ever act upon these urges because I believe by faith. But if you did there would be reactions and it is not justifiable to destroy your home over a feeling. Pray about it.*



tailormade84 said:


> _...or at least my flesh does._
> 
> My Story:
> Every now and then I'll get "male attention" that makes me feel special and then i end up thinking about that male for days (or even longer if i have to see this male on a regular basis.) These thoughts are not sexual, I just get those _"fuzzy feelings"_ when I think about the person - _kinda like a crush. _
> ...


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## PeanutButterandHoney (Jun 7, 2009)

Is this a need that your husband is not fulfilling? I have had these thoughts, but this is because he didn't give me enough attention and praise.


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## tailormade84 (Jun 7, 2009)

ZeeOl'Lady said:


> Is this a need that your husband is not fulfilling? I have had these thoughts, but this is because he didn't give me enough attention and praise.




i feel he doesn't give me enough, but he says he is....so now i left to try and not focus getting more from him and also not try to get it from other men....im hoping i can be satisfied with what the Lord has given me....


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## PeanutButterandHoney (Jun 7, 2009)

I agree. I wasn't trying to come in and give the "non spiritual" answer, but I truly believe that we as women have to look at more basic levels for answers. By all mean, pray that you are not lead into temptation, but this is often something that the husband might need to be aware of. 

I would ask my husband is he satisfied with my needs being unmet. Explain to him that you really NEED more attention. Give him specifics.


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## Ladybelle (Jun 8, 2009)

tailormade84 said:


> i feel he doesn't give me enough, but he says he is....so now i left to try and not focus getting more from him and also not try to get it from other men....im hoping i can be satisfied with what the Lord has given me....


 
I would like to say that I'm sorry your dh isn't giving you enough of what you need to have your needs met. **gives big hug*** That's a difficult situation to be in. 

-I have to tell you to hold on & take it all to the Lord in prayer. If you are submitted to your husband, God will honor that and make your husband accountable to you and your feelings.You can be completely honest with God about it all and trust me, he will hear you. 

-Also, i petition you to go the extra mile for your husband. It's probably hard right now, but give him everything you want him to give to you. Sometimes the best way to get the love you desire is to give it. Be completely unselfish & sincere in your desire to not only please your husband but please God. You will be surprised how it will change things and you won't have to nag or say a word.

- You can't always change your husband & even praying for him to change may not get you immediate results. Sometimes you have to ask the Lord to show you where you need to change, not only for your benefit but for the benefit of your marriage. I may be the only married woman who feels like this, but your husband will NEVER be able to satisfy all of your needs.Only God can do that. There will always be something you wish DH would work on or change. This is why it so very imporant to be whole within yourself, have the ability to be happy & not rely on him to be your joy. When you get to this point, those days when he forgets to tell you he loves you or whatever else he isn't doing won't matter so much. The more you learn to just be happy, the more your husband will do things just to keep you that way. 

-lastly, i would suggest watching the movie Fireproof if you haven't already & The book "The power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omartion.  


sorry to go off on a rant, but my heart goes out to you & I hope you receive some consolation from somewhere if you haven't gotten it here. Someone else mentioned coming from just the practical point of view, so I'll go there to by saying: the grass is never greener on the other side. No matter how plush it looks.  

Take care & HTH.


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## ~*Tigget*~ (Jun 8, 2009)

tailormade84 said:


> _...or at least my flesh does._
> 
> My Story:
> Every now and then I'll get "male attention" that makes me feel special and then i end up thinking about that male for days (or even longer if i have to see this male on a regular basis.) These thoughts are not sexual, I just get those _"fuzzy feelings"_ when I think about the person - _kinda like a crush. _
> ...


 


I don't really have any advice, but you are not the only one.  

I go through this when my DH and I are having issues in our marriage.  I try to quickly cast the thoughts down, but at times they can be overwhelming.  I definitely think its normal, it may not happen to everyone but it does happen to a lot, more so than some care to admit.

And I understand if I am going through this, I am willing to bet my DH has his moments too.  I just hope we are committed and strong enough to resist the temptations.


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## Shimmie (Jun 8, 2009)

Let's deal with going on with 'YOU'.   What is it that you desire from your marriage and your husband, that the enemy is using against you and your marriage?  

Take some time out with you and the Lord, with a fast and let it all out with the Lord.  You see, there's a void somewhere and God wants to heal and fill it up with what you are searching for in your heart.  

You may be still hurting from something in the past that you once thought was over and yet it isn't.   

Whatever the reason, it happens to the very best of us.   When I was married, I couldn't understand why the attention of other men made me feel better than my husband did.    I loved my ex-husband, and I never cheated on him, but I found myself in a situation where I felt 'loved' by someone else and not loved by the man that I had married.   

I got over it though.  God just got me over it.  And I know that God will do the very same for you.   

One thing I've learned.  ALL men have the capacity to make a woman feel warm and fuzzy inside ; their attention just natually makes a woman feel good.  It's nature and it's the way that God made us.   I love the attention that I get from men, but I also have to place it into perspective, which is, 'how long will the warm fuzzies last' if I yield to temptation?  

This applies to 'all' women, not just those who are married.   It also applies to 'all' men, when other women are out there charming and flirting with them.  

satan always has a way of taking God's good and trying to make it bad.   But as God says in His word, we are all "Over Comers' and we are all more than Conquerors through Jesus Christ our Lord. 

Relationships will always change tempertures, measures and degrees.  That's just the way life is.   We can be madly in love one day and ready to kill him the next... .     

We have to know what the voids are in our hearts, least satan will come in and take full advantage of them and lead us into temptation outside of our marriage.   

I pray for you and your husband, that you will have a great love overflow which surpasses all temptations and challenges.  I pray that your husband showers you with affections that even he did not even know he had within his heart, yet were there all along, just for you.  

Just stay strong and at the same time, tender hearted, but towards God and forgive your husband for not being what you need him to be.  God will heal him too. 

Bless you...


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## ~*Tigget*~ (Jun 8, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Let's deal with going on with 'YOU'. What is it that you desire from your marriage and your husband, that the enemy is using against you and your marriage?
> 
> Take some time out with you and the Lord, with a fast and let it all out with the Lord. You see, there's a void somewhere and God wants to heal and fill it up with what you are searching for in your heart.
> 
> ...


 
I want to thank the OP for her post.  

I also want to Thank You Shimmie, through God, this was right on time for me.  You are definitely in order on this.  God Bless.


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## ~~HoneyComb~~ (Jun 8, 2009)

tailormade84 said:


> i feel he doesn't give me enough, but he says he is....so now i left to try and not focus getting more from him and also not try to get it from other men....im hoping i can be satisfied with what the Lord has given me....


 
If he's not giving you enough attention then you have to demand it.  You have to be very specific in what you want, men can't read our minds.  If you want him to hold your hand in public, tell him; if you want him to cuddle with you on the couch, tell him; if you want him to hug you or kiss you often, tell him.  

Sometimes we can tell our mates that they don't give us enough attention, and in their minds they feel that they are and they don't understand the problem.  Be specific, ask for exactly what you want.

Trust me, if your DH is giving you the attention and focus that you crave, you'll be satisfied, and the thoughts you are having when other men give you attention will go away.


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## tailormade84 (Jun 8, 2009)

ZeeOl'Lady said:


> I agree. I wasn't trying to come in and give the "non spiritual" answer, but I truly believe that we as women have to look at more basic levels for answers. By all mean, pray that you are not lead into temptation, but this is often something that the husband might need to be aware of.
> 
> I would ask my husband is he satisfied with my needs being unmet. Explain to him that you really NEED more attention. Give him specifics.




my husband doesn't take news like that very well....his feelings are easily hurt when he thinks i am disappointed/find fault with him - he gets quite defensive...
(i know because i've tried telling him before.....all i can do is pray the Lord changes his heart _or mines_.....)


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## Shimmie (Jun 8, 2009)

~*Tigget*~ said:


> I want to thank the OP for her post.
> 
> I also want to Thank You Shimmie, through God, this was right on time for me. You are definitely in order on this. God Bless.


 
   :blowkiss:   

Never alone...  

Neither are the men we love, God will always draw the husband nigh unto his wife; his helpmeet; his heart; his rib of completion; fitly joined eternally.


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## tailormade84 (Jun 8, 2009)

asuperwoman said:


> -lastly, i would suggest watching the movie Fireproof if you haven't already & The book "The power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omartion.




thanks so much for the detailed advice 

we have watched FIREPROOF together (in fact he just finished the book last month for Lent) and i have been trying those things you suggest for some time (ever since we got married - which is 10 months), i guess i am just having a point of weakness and wondering when will i see some SERIOUS, SUSTAINED fruit from my prayers...but i will look into getting that book you mentioned....i need to strengthen my prayer life and gain patience...maybe thats what this whole situation is for.....

THANKS AGAIN TO ALL THE LADIES WHO REPLIED TO HELP ME IN MY TIME OF NEED!!!!!!  The Lord bless you each in a specific and much needed way


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## Nice & Wavy (Jun 8, 2009)

asuperwoman said:


> I would like to say that I'm sorry your dh isn't giving you enough of what you need to have your needs met. **gives big hug*** That's a difficult situation to be in.
> 
> -I have to tell you to hold on & take it all to the Lord in prayer. If you are submitted to your husband, God will honor that and make your husband accountable to you and your feelings.You can be completely honest with God about it all and trust me, he will hear you.
> 
> ...


Excellent...


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## Nice & Wavy (Jun 8, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Let's deal with going on with 'YOU'.   What is it that you desire from your marriage and your husband, that the enemy is using against you and your marriage?
> 
> Take some time out with you and the Lord, with a fast and let it all out with the Lord.  You see, there's a void somewhere and God wants to heal and fill it up with what you are searching for in your heart.
> 
> ...


Ummm...I'm still waiting to read your book thank you very much!


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## tailormade84 (Jun 8, 2009)

~~HoneyComb~~ said:


> If he's not giving you enough attention then you have to demand it. .




thanks for the advice 
I have tried to tell him, but he finds it forceful and doesn't really feel like it some times (no matter how sweetly i try to ask)

i've been working on this for some time.....i guess the Lord is trying to work patience in me until something (either he or me) changes....


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## Shimmie (Jun 8, 2009)

tailormade84 said:


> my husband doesn't take news like that very well....his feelings are easily hurt when he thinks i am disappointed/find fault with him - he gets quite defensive...
> (i know because i've tried telling him before.....all i can do is pray the Lord changes his heart _or mines_.....)


You don't have to 'tell' him.      Just love him and do what you know to do that makes 'both' of you happy.


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## Shimmie (Jun 8, 2009)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Ummm...I'm still waiting to read your book thank you very much!


Hi Pastor Wavy...  

For you and Pastor 'Hubby'


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## ~~HoneyComb~~ (Jun 8, 2009)

tailormade84 said:


> thanks for the advice
> I have tried to tell him, but he finds it forceful and doesn't really feel like it some times (no matter how sweetly i try to ask)
> 
> i've been working on this for some time.....i guess the Lord is trying to work patience in me until something (either he or me) changes....


 
I understand tailormade, in your situation you really don't want him to feel uncomfortable, that would work to your disadvantage.  And if you've tried then there's nothing more you can do but be patient.

Prayer will help you endure this trial, stay strong sweetie .


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## Nice & Wavy (Jun 8, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Hi Pastor Wavy...
> 
> For you and Pastor 'Hubby'




Hi my sister and best-selling author!


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## SweetDYMEond (Jun 9, 2009)

TM84...My eyes bucked at reading this headline, so I had to come into the thread.

What Shimmie and asuperwoman have shared is powerful, relevant stuff.
First let me say, I am single (not yet married) and so you being married, definitely have experience that outweighs mine. I am in love and am learning (daily). Don't stop reading...

I'm not holier than thou, but what I can offer is the Word - I know it's true and it works.

- I believe God can (and WILL) do EXCEEDINGLY, ABUNDANTLY, above ALL we can ask or think (Eph 3:20). Trust Him, cry out to Him and repeat (out loud) His Word back to Him. He knows the Word He gave to strengthen you, but you'll prove your faith in the process. The cool part (just zoned in on this tonight), it's according to the power that worketh in us - you got the gift, girlie, please, please, please use it.

- I believe He is the Author and Finisher (He is ever working) of our faith (Heb 11:1). 
This situation cannot be easy (temptation is on every hand and is real). The devil's purpose is solely to steal, kill and destroy whatever you have (John 10:10). I am praying that you stay strong. I'm sure you can/will do it, because the Lord won't allow the devil to tempt you with any battle you can't win / HE can't win just FOR YOU. 
You've said he's sensitive (most men) - don't take him down, do speak your truth "in love"...but do tell God on him, pour out your heart. God will hear you. I believe that your marriage is a gift (and you and your husband are gifts, one to another). 

- I pray that you and your husband "Give (to each other), and it shall be given unto you; *good measure*, pressed down, and shaken together, and *running over*, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again" (Luke 6:38). Am hoping for some real good "GOOD measure" for you and everything that comes along with it. . Also praying that your husband rejoice in you (Prov 5:18). Am praying that your husband loves you, in a way you can feel. 

When negative thoughts creep in, replace them with good thoughts (glass half full / whatsoever is of good report...think on these things) of your husband. Praise God that He gave you love and thank Him for every good characteristic you can come up with (at least one everyday). 



*Here are some excellent resources I am praying will help and strengthen you.*

Hands down, your prayers (God knows your pain and is the only one who can "fix" it).

Hands down, your Weapon - tha Word! 

Marriage Today: http://www.marriagetoday.com -  Excellent TV show on Daystar network on Wed. nights @ 9:00pm CST). They have short videos you can watch and articles to read.
Book - "Love and Respect", by Emerson Eggerichs: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Love-and-Respect/Emerson-Eggerichs/e/9781591451877/?itm=1 (awesome, awesome, awesome, the more I experience and learn).
Book - The Love Dare (still reading, but is also awesome): 
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Love-Dare/Stephen-Kendrick/e/9780805448856/?itm=1
May God Bless YOU and may HE keep YOU is my prayer!


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## tailormade84 (Jun 9, 2009)

SweetDYMEond said:


> Marriage Today: http://www.marriagetoday.com -  Excellent TV show on Daystar network on Wed. nights @ 9:00pm CST). They have short videos you can watch and articles to read.
> Book - "Love and Respect", by Emerson Eggerichs: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Love-and-Respect/Emerson-Eggerichs/e/9781591451877/?itm=1 (awesome, awesome, awesome, the more I experience and learn).
> Book - The Love Dare (still reading, but is also awesome):
> http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Love-Dare/Stephen-Kendrick/e/9780805448856/?itm=1
> May God Bless YOU and may HE keep YOU is my prayer!



Thank you for the resources and advice!!!

All of you ladies have truly blessed me!!!


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## silenttullip (Jun 21, 2009)

It's probably due to lack of that attention from your hubby. Tell himw hat you crave from him ie more cuddling dates or just for him to compliment you. As for the man focus more attention on what to say to your husband to make him feel bubbly and let the nice words the guy say to roll off. Remember you are your husband's and he is yours and both of you are the Lords.


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## varaneka (Jun 21, 2009)

asuperwoman said:


> It all starts within the mind, it's quite natural for your body and/or emotions to react to attractive men or men who give you seemingly nice attention, and the flesh IS weak but you have to exercise control. As soon as a wrong or negative thought enters your mind you have to counter that thought with a positive/Godly one. When you start getting those fuzzy feelings,  say (speak out loud if you have to)" I am a faithful woman, I love my husband, I see my marriage as honorable & worthy & my wedding bed will always be undefiled.  Nothing or no one can cause me to sin against God or my husband". If you practice this long enough, you will find that your flesh will line up with your spirit and this problem won't be so big. Most sin starts with our inability to control the thought or emotion that leads to the sin itself. If we can control our mind & emotions, we can pretty much handle any temptation that comes our way.
> 
> as believers we have to:
> 
> ...




I COSIGN ON THAT!!! The mind is a HUUUUUUUUGE BATTLEGROUND! But it's not bigger than the LORD of LORDS!!! AMEN?! 

You are strong in the spirit, so encourage yourself and speak over yourself.

*When Jesus was tempted, what did He do? He fought Satan with SCRIPTURE saying, "It is written...". **IF JESUS NEEDED THE WORD, THEN WE DEFINITELY NEED IT, TOO, TO FIGHT THE DEVIL. We cannot do it alone.  Thankfully, you are not alone. No believer is *

God bless you and your family!


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