# Look what she did to my baby's hair.....cry, mad, angry!! I NEED HELP!!!



## Impresaria (Apr 3, 2008)

As some of you ladies know, I work in Iraq. I left last October and I am home for vacation. When I walked in my door, and my eight year old daughter jumped in my arms, my heart damn near stopped. My baby's hair was stick straight, standing on her head like a "I-don't-have-the-WORDS-to-say-what-it-looked-like". The pictures below explain it ALL.

This is what my daughter's hair looked like when I left. I had blown it out and slightly bumped it for her school pictures:







This is what it looked like when I came home! My cousin PERMED IT!!! BONE STRAIGHT!!! OH MY GOD!!!











It has taken me DAYS to get over the shock of this. I am so beyond angry and so disappointed. I asked her to PLEASE, just wash it once a week, deep condition it, and I left her DETAILED instructions on how to care for Naiomi's (that's my daughter's name) hair. All of the moisturizing shampoo, conditioners, hair accessories, etc, that I told her to use are sitting up in the bathroom UNUSED. She has been putting RUBBER BANDS and those ponytail holders with the METAL on them, in her hair. It was greasy and dirty, and jelled up like she's some type of damn orphan, with no body who gives a care for her appearance. I CRIED my butt off, and it told my cousin OFF. How dare she do this!!??? I EXPLICITLY told her to not ever put a perm in my daughter's hair. What REALLY takes the cake, is that her own daughter, who is bi-racial with a totally different type of hair than my daughter, was sitting up their perfectly coiffed. I was like WTF is this. 

I don't know what to do. I leave in one week, and I have NEVER dealt with hair this damaged before. Please help, 'cause I don't even know where to start. I am so afraid that when I come home in November that my daughter will be completely BALD.

HELP!!!!


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## WomanlyCharm (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG honey, I saw the after pics, and my heart just STOPPED.

Is there anyone else that would commit to taking care of your little girl's hair while you're away?  Because obviously your cousin can't.

SpicedTee, wow.  I know as a mom this breaks your heart.


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## growwithme (Apr 3, 2008)

Sorry that that happened.  Have you thought of having her hair braided?  Maybe you can find someone to make sure she keeps it in braids while you're gone.  Was your cousin apologetic at all?


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## Angelicus (Apr 3, 2008)

I am angry about this!


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## Bigghair (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh nooooooooooooooo!  OmGosh!!!!!!  I am so sorry about that!!  Are you going to start transitioning her out of the relaxer?  Maybe you could get it braided to allow it to grow out.  God bless you and good luck with her hair.  She is a really cutie pie!


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## chellero (Apr 3, 2008)

You need to find someone else who will follow your instructions to care for her hair.  Obviously your cousin doesn't know what she's doing and doesn't care enough about following your instructions.  I'd also wonder what else she was doing to my child while I was away.


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## MoMo (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG!  First off, your daughter is absolutely beautiful.  

Back to the subject at hand, I really don't know what I would do.  Maybe cut as much of the damaged hair as possible and co-wash everyday for the next week until you leave.  Then find someone that can cornrow her hair (not too tight) every two - three weeks throughout the rest of Spring and through the Summer.  I believe that it will recover...just needs some tlc.  

(((Hugs))) to you and your daughter.  It will get better.


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## BrownSkin2 (Apr 3, 2008)

Wow, sorry this happened to you.  Keep it in braids is a good idea til you get back.


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## ♦K.O♦ (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG!  

Your cousin is wrong.

I am normally not a proponent of extensions in little girls, but I think your little girls needs braids.


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## Nubian.Queen (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so sorry...I agree with the other ladies, maybe you could get her hair braided and delegate someone to take care of your daughters hair when you are away.


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## Cleve_gryl (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG!!!!  Your poor baby!!  I wanted to cry when I saw the afer pics.  Her hair was so nice and well cared for in the first pic, why did she do that?!  

I agree, maybe baby girl needs braids and some deep conditioning treatments for a while.  I'm so sorry this happened to her.  She's really cute


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## God_Favor (Apr 3, 2008)

How about I mad as H###!!!! I can't believe this, her hair was soooo thick and beautiful b4 you left. This crazy!!!! Does Naiomi realize what has been done to her hair??? how did she react???? is she okay?????? 

OT: You daughter i a doll!!!

Maybe you should search remedies for damage hair and some hardcore treatment and get her hair braided b4 you leave.............


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## Sly (Apr 3, 2008)

oh my!!! maybe braids??? hope your daughter is okay


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## naturalmanenyc (Apr 3, 2008)

I'm sure the ladies with far more hair care experience will chime in with how to handle the damaged hair.

The only thing that I can recommend it showing your daughter in the next week how to take care of her own hair and also making sure that she is comfortable telling the adults around her what to do for her hair.  She is only 8 years old and probably reluctant to say no to an adult, but in this instance you can give her permission to tell adults no when it comes to messing up her hair.  And also show her what products you want used (or have them delivered to the house).

I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter  My friend had this happen to her too - and she is a stylist.  Her mother-in-law permed her daughter's hair one weekend without permission. Her baby will be 8 years old in June.


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## Dayjoy (Apr 3, 2008)

I gasped so hard when I saw the after photo that my children thought I was physically hurt.  I want to say I'm sorry this happened, but that cannot express my feelings enough and I feel that it can't really comfort you( I have a dd and I take her haircare seriously too).  Have you thought about braids that she can wear for an extended time?  I'm assuming that there is no one else to care for her hair so you need a long term hairstyle.  Definitely  give her some deep treatments while you are home  and even though it is WAY early, maybe you can give your daughter some haircare lessons too.  I wish you could send her to me!!!

ETA:  Are you in the Chicago area?  If you are I could help.  She looks like a real sweetie!


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## shocol (Apr 3, 2008)

My goodness, that is just awful!  I am so sorry that you and you daughter have to go through this.  Is your daughter staying with your cousin or did you just ask her to be responsible for your daughter's hair?  Do what you can for your daughter's hair.  I would seriously spend this week looking for someone responsible and competent enough to do your daughter's hair.

ETA...

Not sure where your daughter is located but maybe there will be some board recommended stylists in your area.


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## MrsWatson (Apr 3, 2008)

my heart goes out to you and your daughter. When i was in 6th grade, and my mom started letting me comb my own hair it ended up in the same shape as your daughter. My mom finally couldn't take my hair being in such bad shape anymore and i got box plaits and kept them in for about a year (getting them re-done every 1.5 to 2 months) my hair did a total turn around...Thats the only suggestion i can come up with. I don't know if your cousin would be able or willing to deep condition the braids and wash them while they're in, but if so, i think that would be the best bet. Good luck in whatever you decide and remain optimistic, this can be turned around!


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## Highly Favored8 (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so sorry that has happened.


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## PrincessScorpion (Apr 3, 2008)

First of all my heart goes out to you and I can only imagine what that feels like as a mother, but I know what it does feel like to have it happen to my own hair. I had over 3/4 of my hair in the back come out because of a stylist. I cried for 2 weeks!

With her being so young I do not know if it will be safe to use what helped me in the being which is Nixion. You may want to try go get it alittle even up so she can have a cute little style, try to keep the chemicals out of it, and keep it moisturized. 


Sorry I did not have more. Maybe the other ladies can help that have been thourght this with their daughter's. 

Your daughter is a cutie


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## mnemosyne (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh no.... I'd find someone else to take care of my daughter's hair if I were you. Like someone else suggested maybe cornrows would be great and then teach your daughter how to moisturize her hair.. maybe put different things in little pots and tell her what each of them are for so she can put stuff on her scalp. 

Have the cornrows redone by someone who can care for hair. 

I can't believe she put rubber bands and stuff...  I'd still be telling her off now if I were you and she has no excuses. If she can take care of her daughter's hair she could have done what you asked for your own.


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## Carolina18 (Apr 3, 2008)

I agree with Reg's wife. Perhaps the best thing would be to try and teach her to say no when her carers mistreat her hair (i.e. when they do things to it _you_ never did.) That should be her guide. 

I'm not sure about the braid suggestion. If your cousin couldn't follow the directions you left last time, whose to say she'll ensure your daughter's hair is not braided too tightly, gradually damaging her edges? That's not good either. You have to tell her to speak up when perhaps someone braids too tightly and it hurts, or someone relaxes her hair without asking you.


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## healthynhappy (Apr 3, 2008)

Your daughter is so pretty!

I feel for you.  That was so disrespectful of your cousin.  Like everyone else, I suggest braids until you come home.

Your cousin should be ashamed of herself!


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## sharentu (Apr 3, 2008)

i will be praying.  your cousin deserved a beat down for doing that to your daughter's hair.  i am pissed with you.  i dont know about you but she couldnt take care of my kids anymore. she cant be trusted.  but you just wait payback is a mother and she will get this back.  she will get it back because karma is a trip.  

eta: i agree with the others that say to do braids.  the braids will definitely help get your daughter's hair back on track.


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## Jessica Rabbit (Apr 3, 2008)

What was her excuse and reasoning? this is easier said than done and some may think I am going off the deep end, but I'd (if possible) look for somebody else to watch my daughter. She clearly did not respect your request and you had given her everything that she would need. What other lapses in judgment might she have? She didn't even allude to it while you were gone?

Her hair needs some tlc. I would dc and condition and begin protective styling. Find somebody that is competent to maybe cornrow her hair every week or two and get her a scarf to put on her hair at night. Where does baby girl live? Maybe some people from here can recommend a quality braider or may even be able to do it. I know I would. This makes no good sense.

Poor angel and she still looks happy in spite of the abuse (yes I call it like I see it) that was done to her head.


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## Mahalialee4 (Apr 3, 2008)

Honey, if I lived there I would have taken care of your baby's hair for free. and kept it natural as well. bonjour.


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## HoneyDew (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so mad about this!!

I cannot believe she would relax your daughters hair and THEN not even take care of it!

I agree with someone else, can you get her some braids while you are away? I woul dbe afraid to put braids in there now, but that would keep people out of her hair while you are away.

What did you cousin have to say about this?!


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## Jessica Rabbit (Apr 3, 2008)

Reg's Wife said:


> I'm sure the ladies with far more hair care experience will chime in with how to handle the damaged hair.
> 
> The only thing that I can recommend it showing your daughter in the next week how to take care of her own hair and also making sure that she is comfortable telling the adults around her what to do for her hair.  She is only 8 years old and probably reluctant to say no to an adult, but in this instance you can give her permission to tell adults no when it comes to messing up her hair.  And also show her what products you want used (or have them delivered to the house).
> 
> I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter  My friend had this happen to her too - and she is a stylist.*  Her mother-in-law permed her daughter's hair one weekend without permission. Her baby will be 8 years old in June.*



I am so scared of this happening with my so's family, not his mom as much as his sister and others. He knows how strongly I feel about it. So much so that he already has come up with instructions on what to say if we have a little girl who goes to visit.


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## babyblue (Apr 3, 2008)

This is horrible.  I was extremely hurt and upset for you when I saw those pics.  I suggest that you take her to have the damage trimmed off and cut even.  

Most importantly take the few days that you have left visiting the U.S. to give your daughter an intensive crash course in how to care for her own hair.  Buy her enough supplies to last her until you will be back in the U.S. permanently and teach her how to wash, condition and detangle her own hair and do easy protective styles simple and proper enough for an 8 year old to do. 

 I fear if you do extensions for her they will sit for months and months on her head without the proper care and her hair will be much worse off. I don't trust your cousin enough to take the proper steps to maintain them.


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## Caramela (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh my... word


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## mnemosyne (Apr 3, 2008)

What did your cousin even have to say about it all? I don't understand how someone could just do that and think it was right.


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## AJamericanDiva (Apr 3, 2008)

Hey Girl!
Long time no see. I would definitely be pissed off if I returned to see my daughter's hair like this. I only wished you were living closer as I would give her a deep condition every week until it grows back. I'm praying for you.


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## ChanelNo5 (Apr 3, 2008)

She need her A$$ whooped!!!


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## slimting (Apr 3, 2008)

Can you put her in box braids and then just request to have it re-braided every 2 months until you get back? Does she have any other relatives she can stay with?

How was her hygiene and hw/school grades? If your cousin was that negligent with her hair I wonder what else was she slipping on with your daughter?

Your daughter has a beautiful smooth complexion btw. I wish my skin was like that.


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## Blaque*Angel (Apr 3, 2008)

growwithme said:


> Sorry that that happened. Have you thought of having her hair braided? Maybe you can find someone to make sure she keeps it in braids while you're gone. Was your cousin apologetic at all?


 

i agree with braids. my heart goes out to you and your daughter


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## LondonDiva (Apr 3, 2008)

I just want to say I'm sorry this happened to the both of you. Your little girl (same name as me except for the first 'i' ) had a beautiful head of hair. Her saving grace is at 8 years old you have time to nurture is back.

I'm sorry I'll tell it straight I'm a firm believer in a$$ whoopings and they would have had to call the police on me that night.  I'm so fuelled  right about now looking at these pictures.

Your cousin is trifling. Sorry I call it like I see it. She didn't respect you or your wishes.


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## Lucky's Mom (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG. 

I am stunned.

Wow........


I am so so sorry.....


I would braid that baby's hair.... You can bring it back to life......


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## Lady Esquire (Apr 3, 2008)

I have two little girls. If this happened to one of them, I would have her go natural.  

Purchase a heat cap for her deep conditioning treatments, at Sally's it cost about $25-30.  That way, she can carry it to who's ever house she goes to for her treatments, while you're away.  

Buy a large stock of ALL the shampoos, conditioners, leave-ins, moisturizers, and oils that you would like her to use.  

Write down a routine for someone to follow. 

I agree with the braids that the other ladies have suggested.  But the person she goes to needs to be gentle on her hairline, temples, and nape (because those are the most sensitive spots w/damaged hair).  And make sure the braids are not too tight or heavy.  

Also, I would not leave them in for 2 months...not at first.  I would put them in for no more than 5-6 weeks at a time, do some intense protein and moisture DCs in between, and then put them back in again.  Maybe even every month (4 wks) at first would even be better.  Buy a light braid spray to maintain them and to keep her roots moist and clean (or maybe spritz them with plain water and some peppermint oil).  Switch up the direction of the braids each time you put them in, so they do not put too much stress on the same strands and areas, over and over again. 

Good luck. Keep us posted.


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## KPH (Apr 3, 2008)

Okay, let's all calm down (shaking with anger while I'm typing this).  My suggestion is to give cutie pie Naomi a lil project to do.  The her hair braided, not french braids but individuals and not micro.  Leave her with the Sulfur 8 spray.  Show her how to Spray her hair a few times every morning and every night and leave some kinda chart/calendar for her to mark on when she's done to keep track.  Make it seem fun and a favor for mommy.  whatever you do, don't depend on nobody else to have full control over her hair.  With Naomi having this assignment, even if whoever is suppose t help her with it, her hair will be getting what it needs to repair it.  HTH

I'm sooooooooooooo sorry this has happened.  Now, let me drink a glass of wine, cuz i'm feeling pissed and a lil violent.


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## Jessica Rabbit (Apr 3, 2008)

ChanelNo5 said:


> She need her A$$ whooped!!!





LondonDiva said:


> I just want to say I'm sorry this happened to the both of you. Your little girl (same name as me except for the first 'i' ) had a beautiful head of hair. Her saving grace is at 8 years old you have time to nurture is back.
> 
> * I'm sorry I'll tell it straight I'm a firm believer in a$$ whoopings and they would have had to call the police on me that night.  I'm so fuelled  right about now looking at these pictures.
> 
> Your cousin is trifling. Sorry I call it like I see it. She didn't respect you or your wishes.*


Dude, I keep coming back here waiting off OP to post her cousin's simple arse excuses. I'm with you ladies, I would have had to grab my child and walk out to keep from stomping a mudhole in her.


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## january noir (Apr 3, 2008)

WOW. This is MESSED UP!  I am angry too.  What a beautiful daughter you have.  She is still beautiful.  Don't let her start feeling self conscious about her hair.  It will come back stronger and better before.  Just don't let your relative near her hair again if you can help it!

Breathe....


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## Impresaria (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so sad. I am more upset at something I see in this MUCH deeper than her hair. She is the ONLY Black little girl in her class. I take extreme pride in taking care of my children and making sure that they look well-groomed and put together. To think that my poor baby was going to school, cheer-leading practice, just out and about LOOKING TORE UP by the head just KILLS ME!!! Her hair was completely natural. I can look at the little new growth and see that the last perm was maybe about two weeks ago? I asked my cousin WHAT THE HELLLL....she said that Naiomi's hair was:

UNMANAGEABLE!!
HARD TO COMB!!
TOO THICK!!
A PERM WAS THE ONLY THING TO FIX IT!!

I said BULL****! I have been managing it fine for 8 years and YOU CALL THIS FIXED??!! How is what it looks like now fixed! Oh, I get it, it's fixed to look like all the other little Black girls running around with broken off, damaged hair.

I am equally MAD at my own mother and two sisters who live 45 minutes away who never cared to check on their ONLY grand-daughter and niece. That's my biggest dilemna, finding someone who is going to consistently care for her hair.

MAD!!


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## Nayeli (Apr 3, 2008)

But you left all the things that your daughter's hair needed. This is rediculous. Perhaps you can get even more suggestions from the children's hair care section. And btw, your daughter is too adorable!


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## Jynkx (Apr 3, 2008)

ChanelNo5 said:


> She need her A$$ whooped!!!


 

trust me when i say i am non-violent, but i agree with this statement!   you DO NOT mess with other peoples kids.


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## Allandra (Apr 3, 2008)

(((((hugs)))))

Oh my dear.  I am truly upset for you.  This makes no sense at all.  If I were in your shoes, I don't know what I would do or say to the cousin.  How long will you be on vacation to start nursing her hair back to health?


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## tiffers (Apr 3, 2008)

I have to say it: your cousin is a triflin 

I CANNOT BELIEVE what I just read and saw. I'm just shocked, I'm disgusted. Words can't describe how sorry I am that this happened to your beautiful baby girl. OMG.

Okay, now that I got that out..... I think your best bet is to show her how to do her hair herself. Find someone who's willing to cornrow her hair every 2-3 weeks. Make it known to her caregiver that there will be NO relaxers and NO trims. Go out and buy enough shampoo, condtioner, braiding hair and braid spray to last until your return. Also get her a stocking cap to put over her braids when she washes, to keep them from getting frizzy. Show her exactly how to wash her hair, how much product to use, etc. Also type out the directions in case she forgets and tape them up in her bedroom (and make few extra copies in case she loses one) I think it would help if you got her a cute little calendar and wrote ''WASH DAY!'' on every Saturday, so that she won't forget to wash and condition once a week.

PLEASE update when you can, you guys will be in my thoughts. I'm so sorry you have to go through this


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## GoingBack (Apr 3, 2008)

Spiced,

I am so sorry that this happened to you. When do you return home permanently? At this point, it is probably best to cut off the damaged parts, get it braided and teach your daughter how to take care of her own hair. She is young, but not too young to learn and grasp the information that you give to her.


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## WomanlyCharm (Apr 3, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so sad. I am more upset at something I see in this MUCH deeper than her hair. She is the ONLY Black little girl in her class. I take extreme pride in taking care of my children and making sure that they look well-groomed and put together. To think that my poor baby was going to school, cheer-leading practice, just out and about LOOKING TORE UP by the head just KILLS ME!!! Her hair was completely natural. I can look at the little new growth and see that the last perm was maybe about two weeks ago? I asked my cousin WHAT THE HELLLL....she said that Naiomi's hair was:
> 
> *UNMANAGEABLE!!*
> *HARD TO COMB!!*
> ...


 
A perm FIXED it?!?!  Oh yeah, tha t  fixed it all right.

OMG, I'd have punched your cousin right in her stupid mouth.  *taking a deep breath*

But not in front of the children.  

Your cousin really is a jerk.  And I can't beleive your mom and sisters didn't check on your dd...geeze.  Family is a mutha sometimes.


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## tada1 (Apr 3, 2008)

That's so sad...Your daughter had a beautiful head of hair before you left, so i am sure she will very soon have her hair back.

I think you should just teach your daughter exactly how to care for her hair. She would obviously do a much better job than your cousin AND she will thank you for it when she gets older 

dont let this get to you ok? 
just enjoy your time with your family


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## ajoyfuljoy (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so sorry this happened to you. I didn't read the whole thread, so I don't know if someone else suggested this, but maybe you could have one of the ladies from the board do your baby's hair?

It's a thought...if she does a bad job, she runs the risk of being blasted on the board. Besides that, I don't think any of these ladies would treat your baby like that.


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## Jessica Rabbit (Apr 3, 2008)

Wait a minute, you have been gone since October and none of them even thought to visit her?


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## Allandra (Apr 3, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so sad. I am more upset at something I see in this MUCH deeper than her hair. She is the ONLY Black little girl in her class. I take extreme pride in taking care of my children and making sure that they look well-groomed and put together. To think that my poor baby was going to school, cheer-leading practice, just out and about LOOKING TORE UP by the head just KILLS ME!!! Her hair was completely natural. I can look at the little new growth and see that the last perm was maybe about two weeks ago? I asked my cousin WHAT THE HELLLL....*she said that Naiomi's hair was:
> 
> UNMANAGEABLE!!
> HARD TO COMB!!
> ...


Yeah, that is definitely a bunch of bull****.  Her *** was just too lazy to take her time and follow the detailed instructions that you left.  Hell, I would have taken pride in someone asking me to care for their children while they were away.  And what in the hell does she mean 'a perm was the only thing to fix it'?  Whatever.  The only thing that needed fixing was her lazy ***.

I'm sorry for this language, but yes, I am angry at this.  It makes absolutely no sense.  I hope the next person that takes care of her hair while you are gone will follow your instructions.  Whoever the person will be, I would leave them this before and after picture.

Maybe you can get her braid extensions.  I don't know anything about braid extensions, but I know there are some lovely ladies here that can give you some great tips on how to take care of braids.


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## Jessica Rabbit (Apr 3, 2008)

Allandra said:


> Yeah, that is definitely a bunch of bull****.  Her *** was just too lazy to take her time and follow the detailed instructions that you left.  Hell, I would have taken pride in someone asking me to care for their children while they were away.  And what in the hell does she mean 'a perm was the only thing to fix it'?  Whatever.  The only thing that needed fixing was her lazy ***.
> 
> I'm sorry for this language, but yes, I am angry at this.  It makes absolutely no sense.  I hope the next person that takes care of her hair while you are gone will follow your instructions.  Whoever the person will be, I would leave them this before and after picture.
> 
> Maybe you can get her braid extensions.  I don't know anything about braid extensions, but I know there are some lovely ladies here that can give you some great tips on how to take care of braids.


Lawd she even got Allandra angry. Now you KNOW she was wrong.

Ol unfit *****. You should give her an extra strength tbc relaxer mixed with rio and copa and let it sit on for an hour.


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## AJamericanDiva (Apr 3, 2008)

What state is your baby in Spice?


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## Jynkx (Apr 3, 2008)

you said your mom is 45 mins away..............can you take her there?   whatever you do,  DO NOT take her back to your cousin......she is incompetant and maybe a little color struck, if her mixed daughter was well taken care of and yours wasnt!  how dare her!!!!  

i have cut people out of my life for a lot less than that!


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## Impresaria (Apr 3, 2008)

Thank you, Ladies so much for rallying your support. Thank you for the compliments too for little Naiomi, she is my little doll. She is smart as a whip and so sweet and polite. I have never had a problem out of her, so of course, I dote on her something terrible!

Me and the cousin situation....sigh. I don't even know if the girl is daft or what...I left very detailed instructions. I am a product junkie, and believe me when I say that EVERYTHING that could ever be needed for Naiomi's hair was in my bathroom...Boundless Tresses, Mizani Botanifying Shampoo, Mizani Moisturefuse Conditioner, and ORS Carrot Oil. 

Simple instructions for Saturday morning:

Wash, condition, detangle (and yes, with the Jilbere shower comb). 
Towel dry, part into four sections. 
Put generous amount of ORS on each section, put into ponytail with Goody No-Snag ponytail holders, twist hair and tuck.
Let it dry. No heat. No pressing comb.
Put BT on scalp twice a week.
Change pattern of hair daily. 
Tie up with scarf at night.

What's so DAMN hard about that???


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## january noir (Apr 3, 2008)

WOW.  Again....  I came back in to read more and I am shocked and appalled at the lackadasical, no STANK, attitude your cousin exhibited.

What was your cousin thinking about?  Her *** couldn't send your daughter to the hairdresser for a wash and press if it was so unmanageable?  I agree with another poster....family is a MUTHA!

It would be a colder day in hell before I spoke to her again (I would be praying for God to forgive me though...)  

Please don't tell us that your cousin had a sour look on her face when you demanded answers like you did something wrong.  She would have been cussed out, slapped and kicked out my house.

Sorry, this makes me mad and perplexed.  How the heck?


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## Nola Darling (Apr 3, 2008)

WTF?? I am so mad for you! By the looks of your daughter's smile in the picture, it seems that she is oblivious to her hair's state...if so I'm glad because I would hate to see a child's self esteem lowered because of a neglectful caregiver.

I hope you will be able to find someone to take care of your baby's hair. She's so cute even with the breakage!


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## Lucky's Mom (Apr 3, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> Thank you, Ladies so much for rallying your support. Thank you for the compliments too for little Naiomi, she is my little doll. She is smart as a whip and so sweet and polite. I have never had a problem out of her, so of course, I dote on her something terrible!
> 
> Me and the cousin situation....sigh. I don't even know if the girl is daft or what...I left very detailed instructions. I am a product junkie, and believe me when I say that EVERYTHING that could ever be needed for Naiomi's hair was in my bathroom...Boundless Tresses, Mizani Botanifying Shampoo, Mizani Moisturefuse Conditioner, and ORS Carrot Oil.
> 
> ...


 

I am still in Shock. If you were in in Los Angeles, I would braid that baby's hair for free.....


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## tiffers (Apr 3, 2008)

SpicedTee, what state do you live in? I'm sure there are members here who wouldn't mind taking care of your daughters hair while you're away


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## lisatamika (Apr 3, 2008)

You know I will check on Naomi whenever


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## Ms.Honey (Apr 3, 2008)

Beat her tail like she stole something from Jesus!!!! No don't do that. Calm down and enjoy the time you have left with your kids before you have to go back. Get her hair braided and shame your mom and sister til they commit to taking her to her hair appointments. She and her hair will be fine. And you're gonna be ok too.


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## seeminglysweet (Apr 3, 2008)

My comments echo everyone elses.

Perhaps there is a long-time LHCFer near your family that wouldn't mind caring for Naomi's hair each week or bi-weekly.  This kind of damage needs more care and TLC than your cousin is able (or willing) to give.


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## Rae1234 (Apr 3, 2008)

omg my heart! damn wow... i'm so speechless...


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## BlkOnyx488 (Apr 3, 2008)

This made me flash back to when I was little my MOTHER did this to me

I think you should let some growth come in a little then cut it off and keep her hair in braids until it's healthy again.  only if she has a problem with having short hair.

How is your daughter doing? 
And the cousin no words for her.


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## MissLawyerLady (Apr 3, 2008)

First, thank you for the service you are doing in Iraq.  May God bless you and keep you!

Second, your daughter is so beautiful- I would almost kill for skin as smooth and gorgeous.

Third, your cousin...there are no words!  I'm pissed for you!  I can't even imagine your shock.  Look, I try to live by "follow peace with all men", but I'm sorry I'd of had a sinner's flashback (to use Coffee's phrase) and beat her tail!  She didn't even ask you before she permed your baby's hair?! 

The good thing is that hair grows back, but you need to tell you cousin... and I mean put fear in her heart... that if she does anything else to jack up your child's hair ... when you see her again there will be MAJOR CONFUSION!


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## LynnieB (Apr 3, 2008)

wtf was she thinking, lazy sorry ass neglectful *****.  no excuses NONE.  

Things have a funny way of coming back on you when you don't do the right things.  

i am sooooooo sorry  {{{{HUGS}}}}


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## Lexib (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG!!!  Not even my child and I'm PISSED OFF for you!!   Aside from the fact that I don't beleive in giving kids relaxers & that I agree that it's beyond messed up that she didn't respect your wishes for your daughter's hair, the thing that's really getting me is that it *is* possible to relax a child's hair bone straight and still have it come out looking half way decent!  This is true even if the person taking care of the hair isn't educated on how to take care of AA hair, as most people aren't.  I remember I was 9 when I got my first relaxer - TCB Bone Straight.  Yet in all of my pictures in my youth, my hair still looked like your daughther's in the first picture.  Point of the story?  What happened to that poor little girl is beyond not respecting your wishes, it looks like she just didn't give a f*** about your baby's hair!  

I'm sooo sorry.  Short of getting someone else to take care of her/her hair, I agree that the best bet is probably to just get her some nice braids and keep it braided until you get back and it grows out.  

She'll have her hair back to where it was before in less than a year.


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## Mrs.Green (Apr 3, 2008)

Lord help me. I didn't even read the whole thread before posting this comment. But this woman needs her @zz whoped to the white meat :hardslap:.  

Both my children have long beautiful hair. My daughter is 16 with APL and my son who is 13 and has NEVER  had his hair cut is Mid Back. I would have to tear sombodies head off, if something happened to their heads. 

I am so fired up *this isn't even my child* Lord help me!


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## Southernbella. (Apr 3, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so sad. I am more upset at something I see in this MUCH deeper than her hair. She is the ONLY Black little girl in her class. I take extreme pride in taking care of my children and making sure that they look well-groomed and put together. To think that my poor baby was going to school, cheer-leading practice, just out and about LOOKING TORE UP by the head just KILLS ME!!! Her hair was completely natural. I can look at the little new growth and see that the last perm was maybe about two weeks ago? I asked my cousin WHAT THE HELLLL....she said that Naiomi's hair was:
> 
> UNMANAGEABLE!!
> HARD TO COMB!!
> ...


 
I just got tears in my eyes reading this. You are right, this is deeper than her hair. Not only is it everything you said, but you are off in another country, trusting your family to take care of your baby, and they are either neglectful or, in your cousin's case, abusive? I'm so angry right now.

I'll be back with something substancial to say.


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## Hair Iam (Apr 3, 2008)

First things first ..yes I'm sister to Jesus Christ, Baptise, Holy ghost filled , Speaking in tongues woman but this is for your cousin:killlurk:


now this is for you and your daughter...God Bless you both for the sacrifice you making for North America...your not just where you are for American;s bit for all who live in North America and believe in freedom. Much of what the other ladies have said sounds great...braiding ...having someone else take care of her hair . The Lord will find a way ..trust Him to show you.


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## SimpleKomplexity (Apr 3, 2008)

Omg I almost said curse words!!! Man...I would first kill your cuz! She knew what she did!! And she saw that her hair was thinning and coming out! She could ahve at LEAST called you and took her to the shop if she didn't know what the hell she was doing!!

I would teach your lil one how to half way do her own hair.  I would probably put her hair in something easy like braids and teach her how to keep it moisturized and add MN to her scalp nightly.  It will grow back in no time!


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## Mrs.Green (Apr 3, 2008)

I was in such a rant i forgot to leave a suggestion.  I suggest braids like everyone else. I would trim it up to get as even as possible without cutting ALL of her hair off ** I feel my pressure going back up** and lots of TLC.


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## january noir (Apr 3, 2008)

Krazynkute0188 said:


> *She could ahve at LEAST called you and took her to the shop if she didn't know what the hell she was doing!!*


 
AMEN! That is exactly what I was thinking.


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## Southernbella. (Apr 3, 2008)

JD2'd said:


> *First, thank you for the service you are doing in Iraq. May God bless you and keep you!*


 
Absolutely. God bless you and your daughter.


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## cieramichele (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh my Jesus! 

Im sure you'll find a LHCF lady in your area that wouldnt mind nursing her hair back to health.



And thank you so much for your service, we really appreciate you!


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## lusciouslocks (Apr 3, 2008)

Argh!!!  I am so heated that this happened to your beautiful little girl.  I hate when people don't give children the TLC they need.  You've been given great advice in this thread -- I agree with the suggestions to either braid her up, or perhaps set up a regular appointment with a healthy hair stylist.  It would be lovely if someone in the LHCF family could provide assistance.  I wonder how this triflin' cousin managed to keep this a secret from you while you were away -- did she tell your daughter not to say anything? erplexed

Hopefully this setback can be turned around and made into a positive lesson because it's clear you love your princess very much.  Anyway, big hugs to you, and stay safe.


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## Amber_moon (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG! Your poor baby!

Your cousin is STUPID.


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## Growinpainz (Apr 3, 2008)

ChanelNo5 said:


> She need her A$$ whooped!!!


 
My sentiments exactly!!!!!!!!!!


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## Aubergold (Apr 3, 2008)

OH SWEET JESUS.  OH LORD.
My heart just dropped.  I am so sorry. I................OH HEAVENS


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## LondonDiva (Apr 3, 2008)

Jessica Rabbit said:


> *Lawd she even got Allandra angry.* Now you KNOW she was wrong.
> 
> Ol unfit *****. You should give her an extra strength tbc relaxer mixed with rio and copa and let it sit on for an hour.



I had to scroll back up cause I was like "Did Allandra say bull****?"  *and re-read it twice.*


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## Aquafina (Apr 3, 2008)

This post really made me sad and angry. I'm sry but Cuz is very trifling. I feel like beatin her arse for u and I ain't even the violet type.  There were so many other things she could have done, but to put chemicals in ur daughters head without ur consent. Thats so wrong.


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## JLove74 (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh my gah..... I can't even get words out.  The ladies have pretty much covered how I feel for you and your daughter.

*Now......get out ya vaseline, take off your earring, contacts, jewelry, etc, 
take this*:






*you might need it to open this:
*


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## ~~HoneyComb~~ (Apr 3, 2008)

I feel your pain, I'm practically in tears, I know it must have taken all kinds of restraint not to beat her  senseless!!!  I definitely would not let her touch my child's hair again. Please try to find someone else to do it when you go away again, hopefully you can find something to nurse that baby's hair back to health before you leave.  My heart goes out to you.


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## mturner0516 (Apr 3, 2008)

ohhhhh you left the relaxer part out of the story when i heard it............Nothing short of killing her will do in this instance..........I'll talk to you in a few and we'll discuss a plan of action!


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## Dearlove (Apr 3, 2008)

Spiced,

I am so sorry!  It's tough enough being overseas to get a job done while leaving your dollbaby in the care of another without having to worry about whether she is being taken care of!!

You know, anytime I kept someone else's kid for any period of time, I made sure the child looked  better at pick up than drop off.  There is no excuse!!

The fortunate thing is that she is young and her hair will grow back quickly.  I agree that you should have it braided or cornrowed monthy with weekly washes.  Maybe mom or sis can at least handle having the cornrows done?  Don't worry, it will all be OK.  

I wish you and DD all the best.  God bless!!


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## la mosca (Apr 3, 2008)

Reg's Wife said:


> I'm sure the ladies with far more hair care experience will chime in with how to handle the damaged hair.
> 
> *The only thing that I can recommend it showing your daughter in the next week how to take care of her own hair and also making sure that she is comfortable telling the adults around her what to do for her hair. She is only 8 years old and probably reluctant to say no to an adult, but in this instance you can give her permission to tell adults no when it comes to messing up her hair. And also show her what products you want used (or have them delivered to the house).*
> 
> I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter My friend had this happen to her too - and she is a stylist. Her mother-in-law permed her daughter's hair one weekend without permission. Her baby will be 8 years old in June.


 
This is a great suggestion. I am really sorry this happened. And thanks so much for your service in Iraq.


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## BrooklynSouth (Apr 3, 2008)

*SpicedTee. my jaw dropped and I, too am very saddened and angry about what your cousin did. Looks as though you have a secure, happy child-no matter what foulness was done to her; thank God. Please take up the offer of at least one of the trusted {by you} members here who offered to care for your daughter's hair. Yes, this mess was a deliberate violation to your child; cuz can handle her own child's hair but doing her best to destroy your child's beautiful hair-don't trust her.*


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## NYAmicas (Apr 3, 2008)

Im speechless......simply speechless.

But I'm also very angry! Your cousin is a nitwit. I hope any of the advice given can help you regain your daughter's beautiful hair. I know its going to take time and patience which seems to be lacking when you're not around.


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## jade998 (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so sorry to see this.

Maybe investigate salons in your area and pay them in advance,explaining your situation so all your cousin has to do is drive her to the appointment and KEEP AWAY FROM HER HAIR.

If you can put her in box braids for now, untill she has grown some inches and then cut it. She doesn't need to keep the perm, I would not be surprised if ur cousin used SUPER - talking about unmanageable. She was plain WRONG!!!!!!!


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## Songbirdb (Apr 3, 2008)

I'm am so sorry this happened to you, I wanna kill her for you. I can't believe she would be this envious and do this to you're child's hair. Her baby wasn't looking like this. Girl, if you need some back up, hit me up cuz I'm ready to hurt that girl for you.


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## neonbright (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh my goodness girl, I just want to knock you cousin in the head.  I wish you could bring her here with me and my daughter and I would take care of her.  My hubby is deployed at this time and my daughter would love to have her around and I would baby her hair back to health.


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## aloof one (Apr 3, 2008)

Wow... its like she has no respect for you or anything... I would take note that if this is how she treats your baby... you can't trust her with much else This girl must have had some sort of issues with you to wrong you that way, these things just dont happen fully on accident. This *really doesn't sit right with me.*

Nobody will be mad if you tell us the truth about how you whooped her *** when you found out, because if you did it was justified.

Have you considered just doing the BC (or a really good trim) before you leave and putting her into braids? You know, the jumbo kind that you can keep in for a month, then having your mother take her to get the braids replaced once a month?

She has a beautiful face and even though this really sucks what you are both going through, you can tell in the pics she is still a *very *confident little girl. I agree with another poster who suggested you give her a "project" of caring for her own hair. She's been natural for 8 years so I'm sure she can do a better job than your cousin. All she would need to do is rinse the braids once in a while and use some kind of spray daily. The only instructions you need to give your cousin is to *leave that baby's hair alone. *And you can tell *a trusted family member *to pick her up once a month to get the braids changed--- you can even leave them the money if they try to make it a financial burden. Make sure you know where you want her hair done and *how you want the braids to be* so they don't ruin that too.


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## cutiebe2 (Apr 3, 2008)

1. I agree that you should try and teach you daughter when you are home some small things to do so that her hair can get back into health. You could tell her to put conditioner on 30 (on dry hair) before she gets in the shower on Sunday night and then just wash it out in the shower. Then give her some moisturizer to put in her hair. You can also teach her two styles to do...that she can do easily so she doesn't have to depend on your cousin

this story breaks my heart. At least you are home during this week. Just try to teach you daughter as much as you can so she can stand up for herself when you are away. Unfortunately others can't take care of your child the way you do.

I will keep you in my prayers. How much longer will you be in Iraq?????


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## AfroKink (Apr 3, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so sad. I am more upset at something I see in this MUCH deeper than her hair. She is the ONLY Black little girl in her class. I take extreme pride in taking care of my children and making sure that they look well-groomed and put together. To think that my poor baby was going to school, cheer-leading practice, just out and about LOOKING TORE UP by the head just KILLS ME!!! Her hair was completely natural. I can look at the little new growth and see that the last perm was maybe about two weeks ago? I asked my cousin WHAT THE HELLLL....*she said that Naiomi's hair was:
> 
> UNMANAGEABLE!!
> HARD TO COMB!!
> ...



*She calls that 'fixed', yet she doesn't have her own child looking like that? 

My heart goes out to you and your daughter.  I wouldn't let that woman near my child's head

What about a cute TWA until you're home for good.  Your daughter could probably wash and comb it herself since it's really low maintenance.  

*


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## PinkPeony (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG your poor baby!
I was screaming at the screen when I saw the pics

On a positive note your daughter is beautiful


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## SparklingFlame (Apr 3, 2008)

I was truly not prepared for the after pic. 

I am so sorry this happened to your child. I would be so mad right now too. ESPECIALLY since you gave instructions and obviously your cousin didnt say it was to much or too hard to handle when you told her what to do

Did she actually cut her hair???

Your daughter is gorgeous BTW!


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## Traycee (Apr 3, 2008)

*Honestly ....It is a bad situation because you
 have to leave again and your daughter is too
 young to take care of her own hair.....I would go get her hair braided in individuals  braids because they last longer.....And send money to  keep her hair braided....That way she can transition back natural and still keep her confidence....Last thing you want is  your daughter to lose her self esteem over this or to get a complex.........Get braids and she will feel better and so will you....You can't let her walk around looking like that now that you know......*


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## DreadlockedLady0171 (Apr 3, 2008)

First of all, your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
Secondly, keep your daughter away from your cousin. I wouldn't trust her with your baby's hair or anything else for that matter. Hopefully you can find another person to take care of her when you leave again.
Please enjoy the rest of your time on leave.
It's a damn shame when you can't trust your family


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## manegoal (Apr 3, 2008)

ST, I am so sorry this happened to you and your little girl. I agree with the other members who said you need to go on and teach her to do it on her own. My niece is 9 and for the last about 6 months she has been begging me to teach her to wash and condition her hair. I told her I would think about it. She turns 10 yrs old this summer and im going to teach her(haircare). I think you can do it too even if you have to email or write each other in the process.


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## sunshinebeautiful (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG, what did she do to that baby's hair?


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## Butterfly08 (Apr 3, 2008)

growwithme said:


> Sorry that that happened. Have you thought of having her hair braided? Maybe you can find someone to make sure she keeps it in braids while you're gone. Was your cousin apologetic at all?


 
ITA with this suggestion.  I am so hurt and angry for you and your daughter!!!!


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## pazyamor (Apr 3, 2008)

WOW....let me say that this goes beyond just your daughter having "umanageable hair", your cousin has a problem with you and/or her (which is ridiculous, since she's 8)...it's like even *after *she damaged your beautiful daughter's hair with that relaxer she procedded to hot comb it in all directions over her head! See, this is why families fight at funerals, your stank ass (excuse my language) cousin needs to get her ass whooped. Now that I've said that, let me say, I'm 19 and when I was 9, my trifiling older cousin (like, 14 years older than me) permed and cut my MBL hair and when my aunt asked her why she did it, she said, because I was "showing off"! I was 9! People are so ignorant and will hurt a child, even if they are your family, My mother promptly beat my cousin's ass, old school style and never let her near my head again, nor left me alone with her. And then I wore braids for awhile, about a year and my hair grew back, not to MBL, but healthy and full again. It's not the end and she's so young, hair is probably the last thing on her mind! BTW, your daughter is so pretty, and I am terribly sorry this happened to you guys.


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## bravenewgirl87 (Apr 3, 2008)

Jynkx said:


> trust me when i say i am non-violent, but i agree with this statement!   you DO NOT mess with other peoples kids.


*
I think its jealousy. BC there's no way I would do that to family. Let her grow out the relaxer and then cut it off.*


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## Tamrin (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG Im in shock. Please find a braider quick. I would recommend finding a member here who is a stylist who would at least know how to properly care for your baby's hair. I would whoop your cousins *** myself for that. I want to cry too for what she did. Maybe you can put Dad in charge with instructions on where to take her and NO relaxers and updates every week meaning pictures of your daughter's hair every week. Your cousin has an evil heart. Im so sorry.


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## Mahalialee4 (Apr 3, 2008)

Yes. Like God says..."Jealousy is crueler than the grave''.  bonjour


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## morehairplease (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so, so, so sorry about this. I saw the pics and my heart stopped, as well.


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## Platinum (Apr 3, 2008)

I am wiping away tears as I am typing this... I am in the process of repairing my severely damaged hair. I look at the pics in this thread and it made me cry, seriously (and I'm not an emotional person). How could someone do that to this sweet, beautiful little girl? She has the face of an angel! How is your daughter taking this? I agree with all of the ladies, especially Traycee. Braids should definetely help, teach her how to care for her hair (even the little things like moisturizing and tying it up), and make sure you find someone to take care of her hair.

((Sending you and lil mama a big hug!!)

*BTW, I'm a truck driver so if you need to come over there with my brass knuckles and steel toe boots, PM me. I'll get a load there and have a "discussion" (to put it mildly), with your cousin.*


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## BrooklynSouth (Apr 3, 2008)

Mahalialee4 said:


> Yes. Like God says..."Jealousy is crueler than the grave''. bonjour


 
*Yes and too many of us know how evil an EVIL, JEALOUS COUSIN can be; hurts to the heart.*


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## MizAvalon (Apr 3, 2008)

Those pictures brought tears to my eyes, I'm so sorry this happened.

Your cousin needs her teeth kicked in.


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## foxieroxienyc (Apr 3, 2008)

Girl I just GASPED OUT LOUD!  I didnt even get to read the full post or even responses, I'm so shocked and just upset.  You have the tools to nurse her back to that lovely hair that she had, thankfully it will grow back even more beautiful than before.  I can only imagine what your poor baby is thinking.  

Man let's go kick your cousins @$$ for REAL!


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## yodie (Apr 3, 2008)

Maybe you can just get it braided, like some of the other ladies said, and try not to let your daughter know that she has to grow a new head of hair.  

Little girls can be traumatized at such a young age, when it comes to hair, wanting some and not having it.

Trim some, condition it and braid it for the rest of the year.  This way you don't have to worry about your cousin or anyone esle doing anything against your wishes while you're gone.  

Soo sorry to see this.  I think I'd still be on top of my cousin, beatin' her down.


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## onejamifan (Apr 3, 2008)

Wow... I'm so sorry this is happening. I am just can't understand how your COUSIN could do that to your child. People's jelousy never ceases to amaze me. 

Your daughter is gorgeous by the way


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## january noir (Apr 3, 2008)

Platinum said:


> I am wiping away tears as I am typing this... I am in the process of repairing my severely damaged hair. I look at the pics in this thread and it made me cry, seriously (and I'm not an emotional person). How could someone do that to this sweet, beautiful little girl? She has the face of an angel! How is your daughter taking this? I agree with all of the ladies, especially Traycee. Braids should definetely help, teach her how to care for her hair (even the little things like moisturizing and tying it up), and make sure you find someone to take care of her hair.
> 
> ((Sending you and lil mama a big hug!!)
> 
> *BTW, I'm a truck driver so if you need to come over there with my brass knuckles and steel toe boots, PM me. I'll get a load there and have a "discussion" (to put it mildly), with your cousin.*


 
  You GO Platinum!  I'm down wit cha!  I'll hold your keys!!!


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## choconillaprincess (Apr 3, 2008)

I am so sorry this happened... i'm mad at ur cuzin too! but I was gonna say maybe you should check out Peachtree's album... her daughter has very healthy long hair and her whole routine is outlined on her about me page... well her hair was beautiful befor so i'm sure u don't really need advice urself but u can show whomever u chose to care for ur baby's hair next time around... but i tell u one thing that's a beautiful child she's gonna be a knockout!

http://members.fotki.com/Peachtree2/about/


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## LadyKaypnyc (Apr 3, 2008)

Seriously... tears came to my eyes!!

How dare she! You trusted her to take proper care of you daughter's hair, and not only did she completely ignore you, but she had the audacity to relax it?!


I understand your anger!   I'm so sorry this happened


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## Isis77 (Apr 3, 2008)

your daughter is absolutely beautiful and i agree with the others that maybe braids will help. i know at the day care i used to work at, some mothers would put "empress braids" (i think that's what they are) in their daughter's hair b/c the braids were cornrowed all around and up into a cute bun or pony tail so the girls could play all crazily like kids do without having to worry about individual braids slipping out, getting caught in something or worse, some other child trying to cut them off.

and i also agree that she seems old enough to be able to follow your instructions for her hair care if you leave them for her. that way, she will be learning early (which will ensure her a lifetime of healthy hair) and it will help reinforce that sense of self-reliance that kids begin to develop at her age.

i am so sorry this happened and i hope you had a long discussion with your cousin about why this was so wrong and incredibly disrespectful to you and your daughter. going against such simple instructions to care for your daughter's hair is completely unacceptable! and she should know that.


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## foxieroxienyc (Apr 3, 2008)

Reg's Wife said:


> I
> The only thing that I can recommend it showing your daughter in the next week how to take care of her own hair and also making sure that she is comfortable telling the adults around her what to do for her hair.  She is only 8 years old and probably reluctant to say no to an adult, but in this instance you can give her permission to tell adults no when it comes to messing up her hair.  And also show her what products you want used (or have them delivered to the house).




I think this is a really good idea.  Show her how to co-wash, detangle gently and how to just simply put it up in a bun and let her know how important it is to sleep with a scarf on.  Also teach her about moisturizing as well.  I think you should at least find someone who can take care of her hair, maybe a stylist that you KNOW AND TRUST.  Set up the appointments for her maybe to get a wash/dc/set maybe 1x a week and have them take your CC info over the phone, if you can afford to do this.  It's just at this rate I'd be so afraid of trusting anyone else but you to do it.  Your best bet is to look at people whom you KNOW and have healthy hair themselves and have them do it.  Maybe you can even compensate them in some way for it.  This is just an alternate route to think about.  I also really like the idea of a trusted LHCF member in your area to help you out and you guys stay in constant contact.  You have some options for sure.

But I still think the best option is to get her hair braided asap.  Maybe while you're still home so you can witness it being done.  I say this because of her age, and also because I'd be afraid that whoever is supposed to take her to get her hair done doesn't do it...


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## LadyKaypnyc (Apr 3, 2008)

You can also instruct them to keep her hair in protective styles until you get home...or leave money for her to go to a sylist....

I just don't understand why your mom or sister couldn't just check up on her...DAMN!


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## Nola Darling (Apr 3, 2008)

LondonDiva said:


> I had to scroll back up cause I was like "Did Allandra say bull****?"  *and re-read it twice.*


 Me too...I was like...that's Allandra font....wait...that's her?!! Haha


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## iaec06 (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG  my mouth is still open in awe . I am so sorry .


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## filthyfresh (Apr 3, 2008)

I feel the spirit of my Grandmother rising through me.
And she is saying, "Beat that girl's ass, baby."
I can't believe your cousin did something like that.
AND WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!
I swear if my SO's mother ever tries that (if we have kids)...
She's going to pay for all of the haircare that it's going to take to get my child's hair back right.
HMPH. I am so blown by this.  She had such gorgeous hair. 
I mean she could have even taken her to a shop and got a wash and set.
My goodness. I wonder if her bi-racial child has a relaxer.
I bet not! Because she probably thinks her child's "good hair" doesn't need it.
PLEASE! I know mixed girls with the worst hair problems.
UGH. I'm ready to ride out and hurt your cousin, I'm sorry.
I just get fired up when people relax kids hair too soon.
My mother did that to me when I was 5. SMH.
Anyways, all of the ladies have made really great suggestions.


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## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Apr 3, 2008)

What in the hell did she do to your babies hair?  I am beyond upset for you.  Let me go back and read this thread to see if you have a resolution to thismess


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## Forever in Bloom (Apr 3, 2008)

I agree with this Youtuber. What your daughter went through needs to be labeled child abuse, and you need to drag that woman into court - family or not. The sentence: Cut her hair in the same style!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8CNUXttKEY


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## LovelyLionessa (Apr 3, 2008)

Spiced Tee I am so sorry this happened to your beautiful daughter. This is child abuse, your cousin should be !!!!!

There are just no words... to come home from Iraq and see this abuse and neglect on your baby.

May God restore all.


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## ShiShiPooPoo (Apr 3, 2008)

Why did she do this to her!

Your daughter is just beautiful...and that skin!  Absolutely to die for!

I am very sorry both of you are going through this.  If it is any condolence her hair will recover and be more beautiful than ever.  I wouldn't even speak to that cousin anymore...she should have known better even if you hadn't left instructions...you just don't do that!


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## ShiShiPooPoo (Apr 3, 2008)

filthyfresh said:


> I feel the spirit of my Grandmother rising through me.
> And she is saying, "Beat that girl's ass, baby."
> I can't believe your cousin did something like that.
> AND WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!
> ...


 

Let's ride...


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## JamericanGurl (Apr 3, 2008)

I'm so mad

That pretty lil girl


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## filthyfresh (Apr 3, 2008)

ShiShiPooPoo said:


> Let's ride...


 
GIRL! Let's go. I'll rent the car and you bring the daily moisturizer.
We're going to have to stay at a cash only motel so bring your own sheets and some Lysol.
Don't forget the leave-in and the conditioner so we can do some wash & go's.


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## ShiShiPooPoo (Apr 3, 2008)

I. just. can't. let. it. go...


This has me sitting here thinking who will try to do this to MY baby's hair.  I always have to correct people (even family) about them referring to her hair as "bad". 

I am wondering if anyone will try something like this with her...I will get medieval on that *ss.


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## lisana (Apr 3, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> Thank you, Ladies so much for rallying your support. Thank you for the compliments too for little Naiomi, she is my little doll. She is smart as a whip and so sweet and polite. I have never had a problem out of her, so of course, I dote on her something terrible!
> 
> Me and the cousin situation....sigh. I don't even know if the girl is daft or what...I left very detailed instructions. I am a product junkie, and believe me when I say that EVERYTHING that could ever be needed for Naiomi's hair was in my bathroom...Boundless Tresses, Mizani Botanifying Shampoo, Mizani Moisturefuse Conditioner, and ORS Carrot Oil.
> 
> ...



You need to find someone to braid it up and just let that be part of her regimen until the hair is back on track. But more importantly you need to make sure you house is in order before you leave. The fact that someone did all this damage and felt that they had the RIGHT to make such choices WITHOUT your permission is the biggest issue. The fact that you are Iraq does not mean your role as MOTHER can be undermined... you need to whoop arse (figuratively speaking...maybe literally) and set things straight before you leave. and that the fact that her daughter was looking one way and yours was looking another way, may speak to more than you know, speak to your child and make sure this is not the tip of the iceberg.


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## envybeauty (Apr 3, 2008)

You are going to have to teach your daughter how to do her own hair.  To shampoo properly, condition with every wash, and maybe then braidouts/twist outs.  Teach her how to moisturize daily.

Tell her not to let anyone perm her hair or cut her hair until you return.

That is just wicked to just neglect the child's hair like that ESPECIALLY when her own daughter is well taken care of.  Just wicked.


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## DeepBluSea (Apr 3, 2008)

wow...I'm not sure I would trust her to take care of the braids.   She may leave them in until you come back in November.   Just tell her to leave that baby's head alone and get someone else to help.   But please don't be too discouraged.    Her hair can recover.


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## fattyfatfat (Apr 3, 2008)

if you kick your cousins butt, we will bail you out of jail!!!!


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## Maa Maa omo mti (Apr 3, 2008)

Your daughter is soo pretty, beautiful eyes.

That cousin of yours needs to be excommunicated asap!!!

Man I hope you find someone else that can take good care of your daughter.

As for the braids I don't think extensions are a good idea.  Her relaxed hair (since she's still young- there are some baby hairs) will be damaged by extensions.  Braids are good, but you need someone who wouldn't pull her hair and will take good care of it like you would.  that's a shame that family members can not care as much.

I'm sorry that you are overseas trying to do your thing for the benefit of your future and your kids and people back home can't even appreciate it enough to assist you with looking after your kid.  ((HUGS))

seriously we ladies can help, if you know someone in your city try to get a community of LHCF ladies to assist you.  Trust we will.


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## MrsQueeny (Apr 3, 2008)

JamericanGurl said:


> I'm so mad
> 
> That pretty lil girl



No words. I will pray for you ST. Give me a ring if you need to. Q


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## ShiShiPooPoo (Apr 3, 2008)

filthyfresh said:


> GIRL! Let's go. I'll rent the car and you bring the daily moisturizer.
> We're going to have to stay at a cash only motel *so bring your own sheets and some Lysol.*
> Don't forget the leave-in and the conditioner so we can do some wash & go's.


 

Girl you silly but for real...

I wonder if this cousin is even remorseful...I've got to backtrack and read more of the thread...


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## Travis Girl (Apr 3, 2008)

Seeing and reading about your cousin just takes my breath away! How could someone be so callous and hurtful to their own...a small child, whose trusting and depending on them to care for them? uggggggg!!!

I agree with the others, explain the basic hair care to your daughter. I know it's hard to trust someone...is there anyone else you trust...maybe even just to make sure she has a ride to a salon (that you know will take care of hair as you wish), a LHCF'er that you know of nearby?

Your daughter is so precious, a pretty little girl! My prayers to you and your daughter. Thank you for your service in Iraq!


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## trini_rican (Apr 3, 2008)

First off you have to be a saint Not to have beaten the ish out of her when you saw your baby's hair (she's still pretty before and after your cousin's neglect) It's amazing how you expect people to do what's right but they still come out being idiots.  Your mom and sis aren't on my good side right about now either but anywho... Let's try and fix this problem at hand.

I have no idea where you're located but why not search for a braider who'll go to the house every weekend and you pay her like 20 -30 bucks to braid your baby's hair weekly.  Use the time you have this week to find someone close by (teenagers would love this to get xtra $$) you just want her to wash it and braid it down.  Weekly, bi-weekly or monthly.  Get the contact info and mail the money directly to that individual (don't leave it up to your cousin to pay the braider- it won't get done).  Exchange emails with whoever it'll be and schedule the times (coordinate with your cousin) to make sure she's home for your daughter's hair to get done.  

Your daughter's project will be to spray her scalp with surge or some other moisturizing spray nightly and to tie her hair down at night with a silk scarf or even better - this week go buy her 2 black silk pillow cases. Use one when the other is being laundered.  

The best part of all this is that - you know how to grow her hair.  This is temporary.  When you are able to get back and get things in order, trust your baby's hair will be longer and prettier than it's ever been.  You know it'll take a good 2-3 years but she will be a head turner, God will see to that.

HTHs - my heart goes out to you and your little beauty.  Blessings, glad you made it home safely.


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## StarrsNana (Apr 3, 2008)

growwithme said:


> Sorry that that happened.  Have you thought of having her hair braided?  Maybe you can find someone to make sure she keeps it in braids while you're gone.  Was your cousin apologetic at all?



 My thoughts also.


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## caribgirl (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh my, I am so angry and shocked that your cousin would not honor your wishes and decided to neglect your beautiful baby girl's hair that way. Perhaps you can get braids in her hair and perhaps have another relative or friend who is trustwrothy take care of your precious baby's hair until you return in Nov. I wish you were close as I would dedicate my time to taking care of her hair!


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## AFashionSlave (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh honey I'm so sorry.

The good news is that her hair will grow back.


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## Mystic (Apr 3, 2008)

Awwwww, that is so heartbreaking!  I can definitely feel your pain.


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## foxieroxienyc (Apr 3, 2008)

trini_rican said:


> First off you have to be a saint Not to have beaten the ish out of her when you saw your baby's hair (she's still pretty before and after your cousin's neglect) It's amazing how you expect people to do what's right but they still come out being idiots.  Your mom and sis aren't on my good side right about now either but anywho... Let's try and fix this problem at hand.
> 
> * I have no idea where you're located but why not search for a braider who'll go to the house every weekend and you pay her like 20 -30 bucks to braid your baby's hair weekly.  Use the time you have this week to find someone close by (teenagers would love this to get xtra $$) you just want her to wash it and braid it down.  Weekly, bi-weekly or monthly.  Get the contact info and mail the money directly to that individual (don't leave it up to your cousin to pay the braider- it won't get done).  Exchange emails with whoever it'll be and schedule the times (coordinate with your cousin) to make sure she's home for your daughter's hair to get done.
> 
> ...




Yep agree!


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## Ronda123 (Apr 3, 2008)

Nubian.Queen said:


> I am so sorry...I agree with the other ladies, maybe you could get her hair braided and delegate someone to take care of your daughters hair when you are away.


 

I am also sorry this happened.  

Yes, I agree with the other ladies as well...maybe someone else could braid her hair and care for it until you return.


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## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Apr 3, 2008)

This picture makes my stomach hurt, SERIOUSLY.  And your mom never went to check on the baby not even one time?  DAMN!!!! erplexed  Are you in Los Angeles???  There has to be a way to band together with some local ladies and keep that babies hair done the correct way.  That trick needs her ass beat    I am just beside myself


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## Transformer (Apr 3, 2008)

I would feel devasted if this happened to my daughter.  But before the mob takes the cousin to guilliotine you need to ask:

*What does the cousin's hair look like?  Apparently she is in dire need of some hair education.*

I haven't read the entire thread, but was the girl totally residing with the cousin.  You know it's not easy to find someone to take responsibilty for another's person child regardless of the cirucmstances.  I've been there on both sides of the equation.  As for how did my daughter's hair survived while I was deployed?  Husband had standing appointment with hairdresser located in his barber shop!


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## JOI (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG WTF!!!  Someone would get there A** Kicked I'm sorry, I'm pissed off for you. I wish someone would put something in my daughter's hair without my Knowledge  She knows What to tell them, I don't want no-one touching my daughter hair, I don't trust anyone watching my daughter But my DH Grandmother THATS IT. I am so sorry this happened to you guys.


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## shelli4018 (Apr 3, 2008)

She's a beautiful little girl. I'd probably cut much of the damaged hair off and commit to braids for awhile. I'm assuming your cousin can handle taking her to get them done once in awhile?

Do we have any LHCF sisters in the area who could stop by? I'm serious. If the child's in Maryland I'd do it.


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## JOI (Apr 3, 2008)

BrownSkin2 said:


> Wow, sorry this happened to you.  Keep it in braids is a good idea til you get back.



I agree with this, Put That Beautiful Baby in some Braids. I hope you have someone else who can watch her, While your away. I would not trust your cousin anymore.


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## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Apr 3, 2008)

shelli4018 said:


> She's a beautiful little girl. I'd probably cut much of the damaged hair off and commit to braids for awhile.* I'm assuming your cousin can handle taking her to get them done once in awhile?*
> 
> Do we have any LHCF sisters in the area who could stop by? I'm serious. If the child's in Maryland I'd do it.


 
I wouldn't assume anything with that *****


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## DragonPearl (Apr 3, 2008)

I am sorry, but this is what happens to too many little black girls. People don't know how or don't want to take the time to care for their hair properly, and they end up half bald, thinking their hair can't grow. 

Your daughter is so pretty.


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## newflowers (Apr 3, 2008)

I have family in the military and have an idea of how difficult being away for that reason can be. 

If your daughter lives anywhere remotely close to Long Beach, CA, send me a pm. We can meet this weekend, and I will help you with your daughter's hair if you are comfortable with me doing so.


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## Demi27 (Apr 3, 2008)

I don't have any advice to add but I just wanted to say that's a doggone shame. I am so sorry about your baby's hair.


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## drasgrl (Apr 3, 2008)

The poor girl .


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## Platinum (Apr 3, 2008)

OMG, I love this site! This is an example of true sisterhood. I love how the sisters are giving such great advice; even offering to help with lil mama's hair.I love you guys! I'm serious, if you need me to take that ride, PM me. 


ST, you and your beautiful daughter are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let her know that she is a beautiful princess and her hair will grow back quickly. I can't wait to see her progress pics.


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## Honi (Apr 3, 2008)

I'm shocked and angry for you.  WTF was she thinking???!!!   What did the ***** say to all this destruction?  Just nurture her hair and never let your cousin near her EVER!  Is there anyone else you can trust to do your hair while you are gone?


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## mssophia (Apr 3, 2008)

First, thank you for trusting in your LHCF family to share, cry and vent. Next, thank you for your service to our country and lastly, thank you for your grace under extreme anger and frustration.

I have had the task of helping to restore damaged hair to children in the past, the last one I have had since she was 11 and is now 16 with APL hair. I agree with the box braids in the very near future.

I also recommend teaching this beautiful child how to massage her hair at night before she goes to bed. Have her lightly use the balls of her fingers to get between the braids and move in tiny circles not lingering too long in any one spot. This will increase the blood flow to the follicles, promoting growth and strength. Another lady suggested using a suflur 8 spray to maintain nutrients to the scalp as well.


What to do while you are there--lay your hands on her head and bless her beauty. There is definite power in the touch. I am 5th generation of beauticians and was taught by my grandmother to use the palm of my hand to smooth down unruly hair, promote shine and growth.
Take your time and feel all of her hair to see where the damage is most prevalent.
You can also do a strand test to see if all the porosity (natural elasticity) is gone from the hair, aka damage, by taking a section and twisting it.
If hairs stick out like a Christmas tree, then there is serious breakage that is continuing.
Also run your index finger and thumb up this twisted shaft to see how much moisture is still there. The more hair that pushes back up, the more moisture is needed to be restored.
Do co-wash/deep condition the hair to replenish moisture it the hair is really pushing back up the twisted shaft test. 

If the hair is sticking out like the Christmas tree example--treat with a protein to strengthen. 

This should help until you can get the hair shaped up a little and braided. 

I am believing and speaking renewed glorious tresses to your darling little girl and see her hair better than restored.

Be blessed and MORE HAIR!!!

Michelle


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## cutenaynay (Apr 3, 2008)

Yo that is messed up!she is such a cutey and she look sweet too!I don't even know where to begin with thcousin situation I think everybody else said everything I was thinking. But she's gonna grow her hair back the way it was don't worry! Just by applying everything that everyone said she'll be straight! God bless her and you


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## fluffylocks (Apr 3, 2008)

Oh my goodness! Her hair should have been 3" longer!

Please post your state/city....I know theres someone who would come weekly, or please look in the salon section for a good stylist. 

Im so sad. 

I cant style hair that good, but i really wish i could care for it weekly and even check on her because that situation is foul.


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## Lexib (Apr 3, 2008)

Honi said:


> What did the ***** say to all this destruction?


 

That's my question too - is she apologetic for what she did or is she brushing it off thinking your daughter just looks "normal" now...the way waaaaay too many little black girls do these days   Tell me she at least realizes that she jacked up her hair?

Also, how is your daughter handling this?


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## naturalmanenyc (Apr 3, 2008)

I showed this to DH and he asked if you beat down the cousin since nobody could be mad if you did.


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## Christa438 (Apr 4, 2008)

When I looked at that first pic, it put a smile on my face. When I looked at that second pic, I was like   --> . I was expecting some damage but I didn't expect to see that drastic of a difference. This makes me so mad. We take care of our daughters hair so well and then someone just goes and *sabotages* it. My sisters & cousins know how I feel about perms on little girls' hair so if any of them was to do that, I would transform into Laila Ali and then it would be a long time before I talk to the ***** again because everybody in my fam has seen what relaxers can do to a baby hair over time (= no excuses), so don't put that crap in my baby's beautiful natural hair especially when you have no idea how to care for your own relaxed hair. 

Your little girl has such a sweet pretty face though. And I know with your help and guidance, she'll bounce back. Best Wishes!


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## Healthb4Length (Apr 4, 2008)

Wow, that's just all kinds of wrong!!! I'm so sorry you're child and you had to go through something so traumatic. I feel both angry and sad at the same time for you. You are a better woman than me because I feel I would have straight drop kicked that b!tch! I really think you must start teaching your daughter how to take care of her own hair, she's not too young and it can serve as a bonding experience for the two of you. I think also that braids would not be a good idea right now because just looking at the second pic I think it would cause more damage, her strands look weak. I pray for you and hope that you find a solution to this situation.


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## Qualitee (Apr 4, 2008)

I can't believe this. I't not even my child and I'm pissed off. I would smack her sssssssssoooooooooooooo hard it's not even funny. I so mad i have to leave this thread


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## graCeful_89 (Apr 4, 2008)

WHAT!? IT WOULD BE A STRAIGHT  UP IN THERE. HOW DARE SHE DO THAT TO YOUR PRETTY ANGEL!? I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH I WANNA COME OVER THERE AND HUG YOU. ALL THAT WORK AND THAT POOR LITTLE GIRL HAS TO GO THROUGH THE RIDICULOUSNESS AND HARD WORK ALL OVER AGAIN. THAT POOR BABY. SHE NEEDS TO BE PUT IN BRAIDS TILL YOU GET BACK. I MEAN, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO????


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## Mortons (Apr 4, 2008)

Is there anyone else that could do her hair? And let your daughter know Auntie so and so is not to touch it.


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## *Happily Me* (Apr 4, 2008)

awwww  -- DD is still beautiful.  

I would cut it all off and start over.


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## Impresaria (Apr 4, 2008)

I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her. 

A little background info on the family situation:

1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then. 

2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".

3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement. 

4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN. 

5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.

6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.

7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff.  She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair. 

8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it. 

9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine. 

10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.


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## Healthb4Length (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
> 
> A little background info on the family situation:
> 
> ...


 

SpicedTee, I may be out of bounds for saying this but I'm going to say it anyways....Ole Girls is a triflin' a$$ Parasite!!!!  After all that you've done for her she should really be grateful. How many of us get to live rent-free and expenses free?? Times is Hard! Can I move in with you??? Ok. Seriously she has no respect for you or your children...it seems. If she lets your daughter walk around with her hair like that...then GOD knows what else she would do??? She seems selfish and inconsiderate and I would really try to distance myself from her. JMO.


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## SoAnxious12 (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG!!!!!!! Your cousin is one stank azzz trick! sorry for the harsh words and everything but that is crazy! She lives rent free... she couldn't have spent some time taking proper care of your daughters hair! UGH!!! I'm so disgusted and my heart goes out to you and your beautiful girl. I mean ol stank butt.. even had options... she was trif and jealous. 

I'll keep you in thoughts and prayers and i do hope you will update us every now and then on your baby's hair.

I got frequent flier miles... i can beat your cousins *** for you... i got bail money too... 

her hair will get better though... but there's so many potential dangers that could've happened (allergic reaction, 3rd degree chemical burns etc...) be thankful she's not harmed any further.


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## SerenavanderWoodsen (Apr 4, 2008)

Wow, I am in shock at what some people will do..... your daughter is so young,, I agree with Dsylla,, I think she can just start over, her hair was beautiful to start with and so is she.. I hope this whole issue resolves for you...


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## coconow2007 (Apr 4, 2008)

I am so sorry but I know ur cuz is family and all but she needs her arse whupped

How dare she put a perm in ur childs hair when you asked her not too - if she was having problems keeping it up she could have taken her to a hair dresser or another family member, friend or something who could have helped out.  

That is just wrong.  I would suggest braids but they may do more harm than good with ur angel's hair being so fragile now.  I am just at a loss and so sorry.


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## missvi (Apr 4, 2008)

OmGosh!!!!!!  I'm sorry


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## Lorraine S (Apr 4, 2008)

Wow,
I am sorry that happened to your daughters beautiful hair. You should def get her hair braided.

Good luck, and God Bless


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## ak46 (Apr 4, 2008)

Your daughter is so beautiful....

I'm sorry something like that happened to your her. I agree with the idea some of the ladies suggested about starting over and keeping her in braids and conrows while you're gone. Braids really helped me when I had super-glue in my hair and had to start over. I hope this helps. Naiomi still looks beautiful and she is still smiling


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## discobiscuits (Apr 4, 2008)

*I saw your thread like 12 hours ago but i could'nt log in from the computer i was using.

I am sooooo sorry for you and your daughter.

Can you report her to child services? That is part joke part for real I mean really, something like that could emotionally hurt your beautiful little girl until her hair grows back.

What is her problem? She had no right to do anything to your daughter outside of your instructions.

I am soooooo sorry for you two. 

I know children are quick forgivers and rebound quickly. I'm sure your lil lady will be okay. 


*


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## cmw45 (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG! I opened this at step practice and all of my sorority sisters were like OMG! Everyone was angry at your cousin. I agree with the other ladies, I think you should put her on the crown and glory method and get someone else do do her hair. I mean, I know I shouldn't say it, but...is you cousin jealous of your daughter? I mean, if her daughter isn't cute then... Cause your daughter is beautiful!


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## tilati (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> 1. She is a *cousin by marriage*, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and *she, and her two children, have lived in MY home* since then.
> 
> 2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that *we are a few months away from not being "related".*
> 
> ...


 





She is DEAD wrong, and she knows it!
God bless


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## tocktick (Apr 4, 2008)

healthynhappy said:


> Your daughter is so pretty!
> 
> I feel for you.  That was so disrespectful of your cousin.  Like everyone else, I suggest braids until you come home.
> 
> Your cousin should be ashamed of herself!




co-sign with this entire post. i'm so sorry this has happened . your cousin knows she was wrong; i don't understand what she thought gave her the right to relax your child's hair when you told her not to. that's beyond rude and disrespectful. 

i know with some time and tlc your daughter's hair will do a huge turn around though; many, many women here are testament to that since they've been in similar situations.


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## butterfly_wings (Apr 4, 2008)

Wow, I hope your coming back home soon to reclaim your home, that is so disrespectful of her.  Yes as others said braid it and grown out the perm.  Look at it this way, everything happens for a reason, you have now learnt something about her now, plus it could have been worse; she could have burnt your child's scalp at least the perm will grow out!!


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## SelfStyled (Apr 4, 2008)

Just sending love and support your way.  There really aren't enough words to express my unhappiness with your cousin.  It's sad because being a working mom myself I know how it is when you have kids but still need to handle your business.  I am not sure how she could even stand to look at herself.  Hold to these things if you can, your daughter is absolutely gorgeous, her hair in the before picture looks very healthy and I am sure that it can and will be restored.  I am so sorry about this!


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## Transformer (Apr 4, 2008)

Don't know her....but she sounds like an ungrateful person that really doesn't care a damn.


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## soonergirl (Apr 4, 2008)

Girl why you got me mad over here!!!!!! I soo feel you on this!!! I agree with the many,many other posts that you should get it braided and hopefully have someone else be in charge of your daughter's hair... I find that odd that your cousins daughter's hair was on point but your daughter's wasnt ewww!!!!! Some deep seeded jealousy going on there??? Any hoo, many blessings to you and your daughter, her hair will rebound just keep your head up ok???


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## lonei (Apr 4, 2008)

That is so out of order! Sorry...
I would say braids as well, by someone else...

God bless


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## bluefolli (Apr 4, 2008)

Your daughter is a cutie! I hope you will be home safe and soon to take care of your daughter's hair - the way it's supposed to be. I have no advice except a cyber hug.


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## tapioca_pudding (Apr 4, 2008)

I am so so sorry your this chick did your daughter like this...   

It will be okay tho.  She will regain her healthy head of hair in time!!  But like everyone else has already said, and like I'm sure you more than already know - ol' girl needs to be dealt with.  I'm not suggesting anything physical   but she needs to be handled firmly.  This is a horrible thing to do to a child, let alone someone elses child!!!


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## MissMeWithThatIsh (Apr 4, 2008)

She needs to be put OUT of your house.
You need to see if anyone on your side of the family can take this little girl. If not, *** what your husband says, get a friend to watch her.
Either cut off the damage and get braids... or get braids... something that can last 3 months or so like box braids and teach your lil girl how to wash it and spray it.
JUST GET THAT WOMAN AND HER GOOD HAIRED BABY out your house.


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## Spongie Bloom (Apr 4, 2008)

*i can see why u would have trusted your cousins triflin *** since she keeps her own dd in tip top health only to do that to your daughter  that got me buzzing cause im sooo mad my flatmate had to ask me if everything is alright cause i was hollering at the screen i would be in jail right now after whooping her *** especially after the full story of wat ole cuz is doing in ur house...i would have taken care of that girls hair for free and done wat u asked and more washing an 8 yr old girls natural hair does not take all day cause i was once an 8 yr old natural headed girl and it didnt take all day for my mom to do my hair  im so angry *
*i hope someone here who is close to you can help take care of your dd's hair *


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 4, 2008)

My thoughts exactly. I'd lose my religion for a sec or 5.



Tenny said:


> BEAT.HER.AZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
> 
> With a brick, baseball, boot, glock, rum bottle
> 
> BEAT HER AZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


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## MrsJersey (Apr 4, 2008)

I think I would have fainted if I were you!!  I'm surprised that things didn't turn physical b/c I know that if I saw that some one took such horrible care of my child I don't think I would have been able to control myself.  But I agree with the other ladies that you should definitly do as much as you can to it b/f you have to leave again and try and find someone else to maintain it.  But also try and teach her yourself about how she needs to take care of her hair and to scream bloody murder if someone even comes near her with another relaxer.


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## LivingDoll (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG. I can't believe that she betrayed your trust like that! My heart hurts for you. Luckily with time and hard work, her hair can and will get back to normal. I have tears in my eyes. I would've cried too. I hope you can find a solution that you're comfortable with.


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## naturalmanenyc (Apr 4, 2008)

Okay, she is just a straight leech!!!  She is basically a stay at home mom with her kids and your kids.  She has no bills to pay, no cars to take care of and all she had to do was take the kids and have baby girl's hair braided (which I'm sure you paid for as well).  And she is wearing your clothes?!?!

I know you have calmed down over the last few days but FIRST she needs her *** kicked and SECOND - she needs to be kicked out of your house.  Wha tis you husband saying about all of this?  Has he even commented on baby girl's hair?

Clearly she is not even remorseful about what she did to you and your child and the only way to make her feel it is for her to go back to paying her own bills.....all because she could not be bothered to follow simple directions and care for your child's hair care regimen as she obviously does her own child.

Can the kids stay with their father? Or with your mom?  Would u consider having your soon to be ex move back to the house so the kids lives are not disrupted as much in moving?  Or maybe ask your mom or sister to move in to your house?  

I am grasping here but my DH had TWO leeches living with him back when we were dating so I know how much damage they can cause to your household.  When they finally moved out they handed him $30 - yes THIRTY dollars after living with him RENT FREE & BILL FREE for over 1 year.  He was always at my house so it was not a huge deal for the two extra people to live at his place but still they were leeches.  Sounds like your cousin by marriage may be a relative of my DH.





SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
> 
> A little background info on the family situation:
> 
> ...


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## jasmin (Apr 4, 2008)

I think a tear just popped in my eye.  My eyes were out of my head.


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## tarheelgurl (Apr 4, 2008)

WOW! I am so sorry she did that to your baby's hair! She should be ashamed for read. I agree with those that said find someone else to do her hair or find a styist that she can take her to every other week. 

Good Luck!


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## HAIRapy (Apr 4, 2008)

Wow... this is so sad. I am sorry for what's happened to you. She has violated both you and your daughter. I can understand, you are in a hard situation because you have to go back to Iraq in a week. I know, you can't put her out because your daughter is living with her at your house which is convenient with stable home living, school and such, right? Darn... I so wish I coould help out because my heart is aching for you. Just contact the LHCF member who lives close to your home and have her care for your daughter. My questions are: Besides her hair, is she taking care of your children well?? Are your children well fed? Are they clean and neat?? Is she treating them well, meaning how she talks to them and acts toward them? These would be the things that would make me re-consider the living situation. The fact is, no one will care for your child (especially with something that people find trivial like hair) like you will. That's the exact reason why her child looked well groomed and your's didn't, I'm not suprised- especially how you described her. It takes a low person to do your baby girl like that. It's sad, but it's true. Once you come back, hopefully for good, you can kick her trifling ass out. She is infact a leech. <<<BIG HUGS>>> Her hair WILL get healthier, I promise. Just contact the LHCF lady. I don't think you should do the braids because that may be added stress on already damaged hair. I think the LHCF lady should do the DCs, scalp massages w/ oils, protective styles, SLOWLY cutting off damaged ends, etc. to bring her hair back.


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## LunadeMiel (Apr 4, 2008)

I've been reading this thread since last and I'm still in shoock.  Why someone INTENTIONALLY do this to a child is beyone me? I think a braid regimen is a great idea.  But please be careful and instruct any braiders not to braid her hair too tightly.  You don't want to cause her hair and scalp any more damage.

BTW: Your dd is very pretty and looks like a sweet girl.  I'm sure she'll rebound from this...


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## bravenewgirl87 (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
> 
> A little background info on the family situation:
> 
> ...


*
wouldn't it be possible for you to sue her? How does your husband feel about your daughter's hair? How does your daughter feel about her hair?*


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## bgsix (Apr 4, 2008)

for you. I am soo sorry this happened. Perhaps you can contact the stylist yourself that you mentioned in the posting. Explain your situation and maybe she could pick your daughter every 2 weeks to cornrow her hair or something.

Do you think now maybe grandmother or auntie will help out? How are the kids doing in school? Also, how much longer will you be in Iraq? Where do you live, there is probably someone on this board that is willing to help you with this 

Sorry for all the questions.


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## HAIRapy (Apr 4, 2008)

bravenewgirl87 said:


> *wouldn't it be possible for you to sue her? How does your husband feel about your daughter's hair? How does your daughter feel about her hair?*


Sue her for what, that blonde weave she was putting in her hair? The girl doesn't have anything I can't believe it. That girl as truely earned a Grade A ass whooping... when the OP comes back for good, that's just what she should give her too!


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## LivingDoll (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
> 
> A little background info on the family situation:
> 
> ...


 

Okay, so after reading this I wonder...what did your husband have to say about your daughter's hair? Did he notice that it had been relaxed?

Also, I wonder how she was caring for your child in general. How was she eating? How was she talking to her? Why didn't she take her to the braider? Did she get money for the braider? If so, what did she do with it?

Is she resentful that you're divorcing from her cousin?

I thank you for defending my liberty and will pray for your safety. It angers me to the core of my soul that you not only have to worry about fighting in a war abroad, you have to fight in a private war being waged on you in your own house.

May God bless and keep you.


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## hot_pepper96 (Apr 4, 2008)

Your daughter is so adorable with that pretty skin! I have a theory and it's just an opinion. Something is not right with how your cousin feels about you and your daughter. I feel like there is some sort of jealousy there.  She should love your daughter as much as she loves her own daughter. She made sure to keep up her daughter's hair, but not yours? Something's not right. I feel she did this to hurt you. But that's just an opinion.


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## hothair (Apr 4, 2008)

I can only sympathise and co-signing with a lot of suggestions that u organise someone to come round periodically to cornrow/ braid your daughter's hair while you're away...


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## SpiritJunkie (Apr 4, 2008)

so sorry to hear about this...as someone else mentioned perhaps braids would do so your cousin wouldn't be tempted to style her hair...


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## beautifulisaunderstatment (Apr 4, 2008)

You must have very good self control. Id be in jail right now. I mean that will all sincerity. I honestly want to beat you cousin for you. SHe needs to go. If it were my child Id cut it down to JUST a braidable length and schedule for someone to come braid her hair and maintain it. Maybe the braider can keep in contact with you to set up a schedule. Who wanst to turn down steady money? Your ocusin... She needs to be divorced too.


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## Country gal (Apr 4, 2008)

Oh my gosh, I would be ready to fight. Can you put her hair in braids to give it a break from the relaxer?


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## SpiritJunkie (Apr 4, 2008)

after reading additional info you added I think this lady is jealous of you and your fam.

perhaps your strenght to move on after seperating from your hubby..owning a home, cars etc etc..

easier said than done..get rid of her...or work towards it


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## Lucky's Mom (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
> 
> A little background info on the family situation:
> 
> ...


 



BABE!!! I live in the San Fernando Valley. My niece lives in Victorville - and is also is in the military............

I can come and help with that baby....... I think we all have been near or in this situation......

Just be the woman you are. Forgive -and....... "Whatever happens -conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the Gospel"......

I would do her hair with no problem... God Bless you. PM me!!!! Seriously!!! I will help!


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## caligirl2385 (Apr 4, 2008)

I WANTED TO SAY THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL...  I AGREE W/ THE OTHER POSTERS WHO SUGGESTED BRAIDS.  MAYBE YOU CAN TRANSITION HER BACK OR JUST KEEP THE BRAIDS IN FOR A WHILE.  HER HAIR WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL IN NO TIME.


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## mnemosyne (Apr 4, 2008)

I have to agree with a lot of the posters. As soon as you can you need to get that leech out of your home and life. She's disrespecting you AND your daughter. Living in your house and not having to pay a THING and she STILL didn't think to take care of your baby? 

I'm so mad right now for you. 

You might consider her your family, but she considers you her free-ride meal ticket and doesn't respect you at all. 

I can't believe the nerve.

Since there are a few LHCFers in your area I hope you'll let them help you while you're away. Progress pics would just be a post away and you'd see how your daughter was faring without having to rely on a trifling cousin.


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## lala (Apr 4, 2008)

_Gosh SpicedTee, I'm so sorry that you had to come back to such turmoil . You are going through so much right now, I know it's hard. It sounds like you have fallen victim to family members who have taken you for granted. You've over compensated for many things to accommodate your cousin, your other family members and they've just taken...not given anything in return. Your family members are usually the one's to hurt you the most. Do you have enough time to make other arrangements before your return to Iraq? I would recommend that you have your husband's cousin move on and take responsibility for her own lifestyle._

_I wouldn't recommend the braids on relaxed hair that is already over processed. Your daughter's hair needs to be "babied" at this point. My instructions to whoever the new caregiver will be is to: try to smooth it (using minimal products), do deep conditioning treatments once or twice weekly, pin it in a bun and keep her hair covered every night at bedtime. Also, use minimal heat. You'll probably need to confirm with your daughter that these things are actually happening since it appears as if you can't depend on the other folks._


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## *5+5 (Apr 4, 2008)

My heart goes out to the both of you, esp. that you are working overseas, I know the great sacrifice that comes with that.  God Bless you though and I hope that you can get someone to care for your daughter's hair the way you would.  She is a pretty lil' girl and I would've been crying too knowing that you had Naomi's hair perfectly maintained before you left only for someone to come in and totally undermine your progress.  Blessings to you and it's going to be ok.


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## gymfreak336 (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee......

I don't have any else to add about the hair situation. All the ladies here gave great advice and I hope you are able to work out an agreement with the two ladies here that offered to help. I know they will have your daughters best interest at heart while you are away. 

One another note.............. I think you are being used. You seem like a very nice person who likes to be helpful and accomadating but she is using you. You gave her an inch and homegirl is trying to run a marathon. The fact that you pay all of the bills and let her do as she wishes BUT She can't manage to follow your instructions when it comes to your daughter is blantant disrespect and makes me question her character. Even if I wasn't good at doing hair, out of respect and appreciation for you, I would have done better. I would have called a salon and gotten it pressed if nothing else. The attitide towards what she has done in light of what you do for her is unacceptable. I wish I lived closer so I could help. 

When you return, she has to go. Change the locks, get her out of your house!!! I understand trying to be nice and help people but its a two way street. I wouldn't mind helping someone in this way( if I was able) regardless of whether they were true family or not but its a give and take. She is taking and taking and she isn't going to stop until you cut her off. 

It would be different if she was just watching your material possesions.....your house, your car but this is your daughter. Insurance can fix your car or your house but not your daughter. If the shoe was one the other foot, you wouldn't have done the same. That is where the problem lies..


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## Honi (Apr 4, 2008)

Oh Spice   You have a kind heart but this ***** is taking advantage of you.  She should be :whipped:. Get one the LHCF girls here to do her hair.  I wish you could kick this ***** out of your house.  If you don't do that then make her contribute SOMETHING!


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## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Apr 4, 2008)

I'm STILL mad about this.

Ok, so your mom has been there two times in months?  And once was to pick up a check?  She said she would come over once a week to check in on things?  What happened!!!!!

You need to get that chic OUT OF YOUR HOME immediately.  Shecan not be trusted to do the right thing?  How are things with your husband?  Can your daughter stay with him while you are away or is he trife too?  I wish that there was a family your daughter could stay wit, like one of her good good school buddies that you are close with the family, even if you had to pay them for her care at least you know she is in better hands.

Please do not continue to leave your daughter with the cousin.  Is there any one else you know will treat her right???


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## ChocoKitty (Apr 4, 2008)

The whole situation makes think extra violent thoughts toward your "cousin"... I would've beat that trick so bad my story would have made national headlines... But thank God you're better that. 

However--I hope your beautiful baby's hair recovers speedily with whatever method you choose. Your "cousin's stay" needs to be made a bit more uncomfortable. Obviously you've been more than generous to her but  she's decided to violate your trust using the highest level of intensity-neglecting the care of your innocent baby.  It's time for you to disconnect from her. There is no true value or benefit to this relationship. It's just makes my blood boil and stomach hurt!

My prayers are with you concerning this whole situation.


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## Ladyhenri (Apr 4, 2008)

wow...i dont think anythinng i've read on here has ever got me so horrified.
You need to beat some sense into that cows head.

It seems to have been done purposely. You mention that her child was perfectly coiffed but you met your baby girls hair looking the way it does....that sounds very malicious to me, If it was ignorance, her child's hair would be tore up too.

People are so so evil


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## Qetesh (Apr 4, 2008)

I am also sorry you had to go thro this. 

I would suggest you baby her hair while you are around and if you feel like the babying will not go on once u leave again to get braids. also talk to your daughter about her hair. she is 8 so she can at least let you know if it was recently washed or if its being looked after, at least now u know this is something you have to keep an eye on. 

i feel there is obviously some underlying issues going on here, i am sure you know the specifics of the situation more then us, she may have some jealousy issues but still be a good person at heart. i feel you should have a heart to heart with her b4 doing anything drastic and judge from there, only you and your intuition can really say what your cousins true intentions are. and going thro a divorce has got to also be hard on everyone involved  

i will pray for you and your family, stay positive


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## mrsjohnson75 (Apr 4, 2008)

I am soooo mad along with you. I just keep thinking what if this happened to one of my daughters. Please get that woman out of your house and away from your child. I'm praying that everything works out for you!!


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## DeepBluSea (Apr 4, 2008)

gymfreak336 said:


> SpicedTee......
> 
> I don't have any else to add about the hair situation. All the ladies here gave great advice and I hope you are able to work out an agreement with the two ladies here that offered to help. I know they will have your daughters best interest at heart while you are away.
> 
> ...


 

Ya know I was thinking the same thing, but since ole girl has been living there she may be able to claim residence.  SpicedTee may have to consult an attorney to get her out and formally evict her.    I feel even worse after reading your further explanation.   You have to leave in another few days and this is not an easy situation.


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## Tayw29 (Apr 4, 2008)

I am so sorry you had to come home to this,  I truly feel your pain.  I have a 7 yr old DD and I have vowed to never relax her hair, and I fear that while in someone elses care they will too do something as retarded as this.  My DD father called me a week ago and asked if DD could spend the summer in Texas with her grandparents, and I agreed.  However I told him in the very next breath that his mother nor his sisters are to relax my babies hair by no means. He has 3 sisters and all 3 including mom are snatched bald from inproper care after relaxing.  DD has very thick 4a natural hair that is very hard to manage and being that I have been the only one to do her hair her entire life I know how to handle it.  Of course he said he would never let them do that, but I stated your not gonna be there with her the entire 2 months, so please let them know not to $%& with her hair or it will be some slow singing and flower bringing come August .  Aside from the overall issue with your cousin, I think that relaxers have always been the answer to all of our hair woes.  But with the knowledge we all have gained from this forum we now know better, but there are still far too many women still in the dark about this matter at hand.  Your cousin is clearly clueless as to what it takes to deal with 4 texured hair because her DD doesnt have it and she didnt have to deal with it prior to your DD.  So being that so many women equate relaxer with better hair manageability she probably thought she was doing the right thing, or simply didnt care because the bottom line is it would make it easier for her.

I agree with what the other ladies have suggested regarding what to do from this point on.  It can be fixed by taking the proper steps from here on.  Your return home should have been filled with relaxation and enjoyment with your children not this traumatizing event  which I'm sure has placed a funk in your home and tension between you and your cousin.  I just ask that you try to reassure DD that everything will be alright and that she is still as beautiful as ever, because I'm sure your reaction to this has her a bit upset and confused about her hair.  Teaching her the right things to do from now on will be her best tools for the future.


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## gymfreak336 (Apr 4, 2008)

DeepBluSea said:


> Ya know I was thinking the same thing, but since ole girl has been living there she may be able to claim residence.  *SpicedTee may have to consult an attorney to get her out and formally evict her.*    I feel even worse after reading your further explanation.   You have to leave in another few days and this is not an easy situation.




Great Advice. I didn't think about that.


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## HAIRapy (Apr 4, 2008)

DeepBluSea said:


> *Ya know I was thinking the same thing, but since ole girl has been living there she may be able to claim residence. SpicedTee may have to consult an attorney to get her out and formally evict her.* I feel even worse after reading your further explanation. You have to leave in another few days and this is not an easy situation.


This girl doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the pack if you know what I mean. I'm willing to bet all the money in my purse ($10, I use my debit card a lot) that this chick doesn't know anything about the law and if she did, she doesn't have enough money to retain a lawyer. I say when you get home for good, kick her a$$ out. She's not gonna do anything about it.

ETA: I would say that when you leave, leave on *seemingly* good terms with your cousin, because you do not want her treating your kids differently out of spite once you're gone.


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## fuchsiastar (Apr 4, 2008)

I am so fired up right now  There have been some great suggestions and please PM the ladies that you know on here that have offered to help. Whew...I really need to calm down....Are all of your children school aged? If so, have you considered hiring a full time live in nanny? It might sound expensive, but considering that freeloading cousin, it might be cheaper than keeping her around to wear your clothes and mistreat your children. That way you would know that your children are being well fed, well kept, and treated in the exact way that you want them to be treated. You also could have someone install digital cameras in your home, so that you could communicate with your family while you are away, and so that you could see that all is well in your home. Also, with a nanny there your sister and mother would have to come and see about the children. They might even be dropped at your mothers house on Saturdays/Sundays to give the Nanny a day off....just another option put out there, among the many pieces of advice that have already been given...I pray that everything works out for you


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## lisatamika (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. *There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.*


 
Will you please cut it out and call me.   I just left you a voicemail . . . .


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## chicacanella (Apr 4, 2008)

You know, I am really angry too. Since you told her off, the only thing I can think of doing is getting your daughter some flat cornrows.  Before you leave for Iraq, make a liquid moisturizer mixture and tell your daughter to spray her hair every two days. That should be simple enough for her.


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## septemberbaby (Apr 4, 2008)

I am so sorry this has happened to you and your daughter.

I'm CERTAIN that the ladies will chime in and tell you exactly what to do. 

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))


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## wannabelong (Apr 4, 2008)

I am sooo angry about this.  I'm sorry this happened.  The ladies have already given you great advice, I'm here for support.


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## Lucky's Mom (Apr 4, 2008)

lisatamika said:


> Will you please cut it out and call me. I just left you a voicemail . . . .


 

Maybe you are closer to her!
I will help!!!!


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## DeepBluSea (Apr 4, 2008)

HAIRapy said:


> This girl doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the pack if you know what I mean. I'm willing to bet all the money in my purse ($10, I use my debit card a lot) that this chick doesn't know anything about the law and if she did, she doesn't have enough money to retain a lawyer. I say when you get home for good, kick her a$$ out. She's not gonna do anything about it.
> 
> ETA: I would say that when you leave, leave on *seemingly* good terms with your cousin, because you do not want her treating your kids differently out of spite once you're gone.


 
This is how it'll go down.    SpicedTee comes home tells cuz it's time to go.   Cuz is going to drag her feet and eventually she will say she won't leave.   SpicedTee will call the cops to make her leave.  The cops will tell her that she cannot make cuz leave if cuz has been living there, receiving  mail there, etc then she has a legal right to stay on the premises.   Spiced Tee will have to act as landlord and evict her.

The only reason why I know this becaue it happen to a goo dfriend of the family.   She let her ex-husband stay at her place while he was "getting himself together" and it took her 2 months to get the kneegrow out.  So be careful who you allow to stay at your place.

ETA: But I am in TN, maybe laws are different in Cali.   Defintely check it out to save yourself some trouble because cuz will act like the OP is in the wrong.


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## MissLawyerLady (Apr 4, 2008)

In this situation I think you have clearly shown that the Christ working in you is greater that the adversary working in her.

Remember:
"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him."  Isa. 59:19

Don't be troubled! God's got your back and your baby's and he's blessing you right now with LHCF sister who will assist you with your child's hair.

Be blessed!




SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
> 
> A little background info on the family situation:
> 
> ...


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## FemmeCreole (Apr 4, 2008)

the pics seriously shocked me....how could she let the child's hair get that bad? This look like she just slapped some relaxer in her hair and never cared for her hair again. She is such a cutie...I hope her hair will recover quickly.


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## Harmony0221 (Apr 4, 2008)

I was speechless coming into this thread.. I still am... I don't have children but I have one nephew and I treat and love him as my own and would die before I let anyone do any harm to him so I can imagine...I must say that she has to go.. on a legal front she broke your contract. so everything is voided. and like someone else said how was she caring for your child overall?The other part that kills me is I am I giver. if you need it I will give it and it really pains me when it's not appreciated.. We are damn near in a RECCESION and she is living high off the hog ! with her children! when her life could be so much worst and she doesn't appreciate it!(i know this post is all over the place but this kills me)I am sorry this happened and I will be praying you get the proper support you need..


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## MissJ (Apr 4, 2008)

Seriously, your "cousin" needs a beatdown!  There's no excuse for what she did to your daughter's hair.


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## Qualitee (Apr 4, 2008)

I'M STILL MAD OOOOOOHHHHHH! TELL THE GIRL TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE . THIER HAS TO BE A UNLINE REASON WHY SHE DID THAT TO YOUR DAUGHTERS HAIR. IT'S LIKE SHE PURPOSELY DID IT!!!!


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## WomanlyCharm (Apr 4, 2008)

Oh man, I am still steamed about this...and then to read the ***** is living in your home RENT FREE?!  She is a triflin' user and no better than a cockroach.

And you say you introduced her to the hair board? 
Then I'm sure she's reading this thread.

I don't know if she has a screenname here but I have a personal message for your "cousin":

What you've done to this little girl is absolutely disgusting and wrong.  Thank goodness you are not part of my family. And best believe, what goes around comes around.


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## nicki6 (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG!!............


Wow!! My first instinct would be to kick my cousin's ***!!!

 My feeling is she did that on purpose...esp since her child's hair is fine. I am beyond sorry this happened to your baby. She is a doll and her complexion is


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## Soul♥Flower (Apr 4, 2008)

I am sooo sorry this happened. My heart almost broke when I saw those pictures. I didn't read all the rest of the posts, but I'm sure the ladies here have provided you with some valuable insight to your situation. Ugh! I can't believe this happened! That's just messed up

The good news is you can bring her hair back to health......just as long as your daughter is healthy and happy. If your daughter isn't upset by this, I wouldn't let her know how upest you are, I wouldn't want her to start feeling sad about how her hair looks. That's just my opinion though.


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## PittiPat (Apr 4, 2008)

*OH. MY. GOSH!!* 

I cannot believe what I'm seeing. I'm so sorry that this happened to the both of you. My heart actually dropped when I saw the after picture. I'm just stunned at how it could get to this. 

Urghhhh! I'm so heated right now.


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## mscocoface (Apr 4, 2008)

SpiceTea,

Please impose on the LHCF sistah.  She will do it even in this state.  If she doesn't then let me know I am in SoCal but I know there is a way to get your babies hair back to its former state.

For your clothes, shoes, etc, pack them up place them in bags or suitcases and see if someone can store them for you until you return or take them on base and store them there.  Base storage is waaay cheaper than commerical storage. 

I use to be an marine wife I know.

I won't even comment on the cousin, you have some serious thinking to do.  Once you return back for good you are going to need to make some serious changes and the first one is to give your cousin notice she has got to go.

It is hard being a single mother and having to depend on others, but when you find someone you can trust hold on to them because they are worth their weight in gold.  Your cousin....not so much!

*Action items:*

*Contact the LHCF sistah to do your daughters hair, set up a consultation and how this is going to happen.  Word of warning do not depend on your cousin to get her to this person.  Set up some type of arrangement for pick up and or drop off.*

*Contact the base to see if storage is available and began packing your stuff that you do not want worn, used or handled.*

You do not owe your cousin any explanation for what you are doing.  Just do it.  You pay the bills and own the property.

Blessings,


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## MariposaSexyGirl (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG!! I would be pissed. Your cousin would have to find somewhere to stay. Why is it that your daughter can't stay with your mom or better yet her father and have them send her to someone to get her hair cared for. That is just un believable that she would just do that.


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## GETHEALTHY (Apr 4, 2008)

OOOOMMMMMGGGGGG!!! Girl my heart goes out to you!!! 

i had the same experience except it was my daughter's father's girlfriend!!! Thank God her hair didn't break off as bad but it was still badly broken. My daughter had very nice natural even coils, when streached they were BSL. OMG! when my baby came back for the summer her hair was straight and SL! I was BEYOND PISSED I wanted to  both that chick and him! 

I kept her hair braided and conditioned weekly. The downside is that her natural coils are now long gone. Even after transitioning her for the past year she only has a subtle wave. I don't think i've ripped into anyone quite that bad since then.....

Do you think you can send someone money to make sure your daughter's hair gets washed and braided every week or two till you return?


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## nicki6 (Apr 4, 2008)

OK...I've gone back and read more...and I'm even ANGRIER at the grandmother and father

Please take the LHCF sisters up on the ofer to help your baby. When you come back in November, start legal proceedings to get her OUT of your house. If you didnt have to return to Iraq, I would seriously encourage you to file NEGLECT charges on that *****!!

I will pray for you and this situation because I'd be frantic trying to figure out a gameplan before I left again.


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## Tylove101 (Apr 4, 2008)

Sorry she didn't take care of your daughter's hair.  That's messed up!!   A similar situation just happened with one of my friends... her daughter went to stay with her father for Spring Break (1 week)..  She sent her daughter with freshly braided hair and asked them (dad and new wife) not to take the braids out and give her a perm... guess what!!!!   Her daughter was dropped off 30 minutes ago with no braids and a fresh bone straight perm!!!  That's just wrong.


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## hopeful (Apr 4, 2008)

GETHEALTHY said:


> OOOOMMMMMGGGGGG!!! Girl my heart goes out to you!!!
> 
> i had the same experience except it was my daughter's father's girlfriend!!! Thank God her hair didn't break off as bad but it was still badly broken. My daughter had very nice natural even coils, when streached they were BSL. OMG! when my baby came back for the summer her hair was straight and SL! I was BEYOND PISSED I wanted to  both that chick and him!
> 
> ...


 
Don't give up, they may come back eventually.  After years of a relaxer, portions of my hair were always wavy but overtime without a relaxer my hair became coilier again.  I'm so sorry you guys had to go through this.  It's very sad and shameful.

SpicedTee, my heart breaks over your story.


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## hopeful (Apr 4, 2008)

Tylove101 said:


> Sorry she didn't take care of your daughter's hair. That's messed up!! A similar situation just happened with one of my friends... *her daughter went to stay with her father for Spring Break (1 week)..* She sent her daughter with *freshly braided hair and asked them (dad and new wife) not to take the braids out and give her a perm...* guess what!!!! Her daughter was dropped off 30 minutes ago with *no braids and a fresh bone straight perm!!! *That's just wrong.


 
This would make me want to kill somebody.  They couldn't stand her braids for 1 week?  What is wrong with some people?


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## Cien (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG!!!!! 

my mouth is literally wide open!  


gurl...I AM SO SORRY  that your cousin allowed this to happen!!!! I am TOO pissed off!!! 

I don't know your cousin---but I feel the need to drop kick her *** in the neck!!!  
I am sad and wanna cry right along with you!!


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## shocol (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
> 
> A little background info on the family situation:
> 
> ...



Just came back to read the rest of the thread.  This is about more than your daughter's hair or your cousin being a leach.  She *lied *to you about your baby, your pride and joy.  She is not to be trusted.


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## _belle (Apr 4, 2008)

*def not reading 25 pages. . . but im so sorry to hear that. u are on here, u know exactly what to do lady. u can even get your daughter in the swing of things. when mommy does her hair, daughter does her too. make it fun, spend time together, all of that good stuff. but i am not sure if anyone else has said it, but I would take special care not to show that u don't like it and that it is messed up in front of her. . . wouldn't want little sunshine to get all self-conscious and/or think she is ugly or anything. *


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## Spongie Bloom (Apr 4, 2008)

daephae said:


> Okay, so after reading this I wonder...what did your husband have to say about your daughter's hair? Did he notice that it had been relaxed?
> 
> *Also, I wonder how she was caring for your child in general. How was she eating? How was she talking to her? Why didn't she take her to the braider?* Did she get money for the braider? If so, what did she do with it?
> 
> ...


 
*this concerns me also, i dont know if im readin too much into it but in the pics with the broken hair your dd isnt smiling and she looks sad  i wonder if the mistreatment doesnt extend to other areas? can you set up an appointment with her school teacher just to find out how she has been at school and how her whole demeanour has been? I really feel for you girl and getting an au pair who is accountable to look after your daughter is a better bet than your cousin and also one of these lovely ladies who are close to u can take care of her hair..tell that  'cousin' to get gone*


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## StarFish106 (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee,

First, I am glad that you are back here (if only for a minute) safe and sound. You know we will be praying for you to always return to use safe and whole.

Second...as you already know your daughter is adorable!!! and yes her hair will grow back with love and patience.

Now to the meat of the issue.

On another board I have been known to run what I call the Hummer To Hell franchise. Folks who need to either be dropped off at the sulfur gates or just need a all around azzkicking are my speciality. :hardslap:

Since you are doing your duty to protect and serve I feel the need to punish and swerve on your cousin. Any ladies that are on the EC that want to do a drive by w/me are more than welcome to come. Not only will we give her a stealth type *** kicking, we will also evict her and hers from your house, make sure it is clean and ALL your stuff is still there. You have 2 LHCF members that are more than willing to take up your child's hair maintenence so please use them! You have enough to worry about while you are in Iraq and don't need to worry about your baby.

Seriously, if there is anyone that can start eviction process while you are gone for you please look into that if you can. I would hate for you to come home and have to deal with more stress once you return again. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.


I have a chainsaw and a shovel...i doubt anyone would miss her..


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## MzOptimistic (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> As some of you ladies know, I work in Iraq. I left last October and I am home for vacation. When I walked in my door, and my eight year old daughter jumped in my arms, my heart damn near stopped. My baby's hair was stick straight, standing on her head like a "I-don't-have-the-WORDS-to-say-what-it-looked-like". The pictures below explain it ALL.
> 
> This is what my daughter's hair looked like when I left. I had blown it out and slightly bumped it for her school pictures:
> 
> ...


 
Awww, I feel your pain{{{hugs}}}I would put it in braids, since you can't tend to her hair yourself and show your daughter how to spray her hair with the braid spray to keep it moisturized.


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## gymfreak336 (Apr 4, 2008)

StarFish106 said:


> SpicedTee,
> 
> First, I am glad that you are back here (if only for a minute) safe and sound. You know we will be praying for you to always return to use safe and whole.
> 
> ...




I'll bring the lime


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## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Apr 4, 2008)

Tayw29 said:


> I am so sorry you had to come home to this, I truly feel your pain. I have a 7 yr old DD and I have vowed to never relax her hair, and I fear that while in someone elses care they will too do something as retarded as this. My DD father called me a week ago and asked if DD could spend the summer in Texas with her grandparents, and I agreed. However I told him in the very next breath that his mother nor his sisters are to relax my babies hair by no means. He has 3 sisters and all 3 including mom are snatched bald from inproper care after relaxing. DD has very thick 4a natural hair that is very hard to manage and being that I have been the only one to do her hair her entire life I know how to handle it. Of course he said he would never let them do that, but I stated your not gonna be there with her the entire 2 months, *so please let them know not to $%& with her hair or it will be some slow singing and flower bringing come August *. Aside from the overall issue with your cousin, I think that relaxers have always been the answer to all of our hair woes. But with the knowledge we all have gained from this forum we now know better, but there are still far too many women still in the dark about this matter at hand. Your cousin is clearly clueless as to what it takes to deal with 4 texured hair because her DD doesnt have it and she didnt have to deal with it prior to your DD. So being that so many women equate relaxer with better hair manageability she probably thought she was doing the right thing, or simply didnt care because the bottom line is it would make it easier for her.
> 
> I agree with what the other ladies have suggested regarding what to do from this point on. It can be fixed by taking the proper steps from here on. Your return home should have been filled with relaxation and enjoyment with your children not this traumatizing event  which I'm sure has placed a funk in your home and tension between you and your cousin. I just ask that you try to reassure DD that everything will be alright and that she is still as beautiful as ever, because I'm sure your reaction to this has her a bit upset and confused about her hair. Teaching her the right things to do from now on will be her best tools for the future.


I know thats right!  When my dd goes to her dads house for the weekend this has been a concern for me too.  That is why usually I send her in twists because I don't want them up in her hair.  They comb too roughly, tight ponytails, all that and i'm not having it.  This chile best not EVA come here with a perm or there will be a ww3 up in this ****


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## naturalgurl (Apr 4, 2008)

I can feel your pain through this thread.


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## MrsQueeny (Apr 4, 2008)

*Bre~Bre* said:


> I know thats right!  When my dd goes to her dads house for the weekend this has been a concern for me too.  That is why usually I send her in twists because I don't want them up in her hair.  They comb too roughly, tight ponytails, all that and i'm not having it.  This chile best not EVA come here with a perm or there will be a ww3 up in this ****



Girl I almost peeped myself at the slow singing and flower bringing comment. Trust me, I understand. Q


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## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Apr 4, 2008)

Queeny20 said:


> Girl I almost peeped myself at the slow singing and flower bringing comment. Trust me, I understand. Q


  I know.  her comment was about the only thing funny in this thread.  I hope she comes back and updates us on what she is going to do with this cousin.  I have a few ideas...


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## scorpian (Apr 4, 2008)

Wow....just Wow....I haven't read all of the posts but I screamed out loud when I saw the pics 

Hugs to you


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## cupcakes (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG!!! im soo mad for you girlIf i was you I would have . You definitly need to take your daugther to the africans and get her some braids, to last until you get back. or take up one of the lhcf sister on there offers

im* sooo *mad right now lol


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## Ms Lala (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG that made me so angry when I saw the pics so I can only imagine how you feel.  THe ladies here have already given you great advice so no need posting the same thing over again.  I seriously would try to find  stylist and if you have funds to leave behind for her to get her hair done that might be best.  What would make her think she had the right to put chemicals in your child's head?  THat's crazy.


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## blazingthru (Apr 4, 2008)

God_Favor said:


> How about I mad as H###!!!! I can't believe this, her hair was soooo thick and beautiful b4 you left. This crazy!!!! Does Naiomi realize what has been done to her hair??? how did she react???? is she okay??????
> 
> OT: You daughter i a doll!!!............


 
OMG I was totally floored, I can't imagine what I would do, had I came home to this.  I agree with the braids and have someone else take care of her hair while you are gone.  Poor baby, Her hair was so thick and pretty, it will come back.


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## Transformer (Apr 4, 2008)

I have one more question!

Did the cousin perm the little girl's hair "the moment" she left for Iraq.  I don't have any experience with relaxers on people under the age of 16....but that's a hell of lot of damage in a few months....especially considering her hair was so healthy.

What I'm asking is "was the young "%&*%$" planning on doing this all along?  Were her actions "*premeditated."*


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## sylver2 (Apr 4, 2008)

I looked at those pics with shock & disbelief!!!  It would have gotten physical btween me & the cousin.
Unfortunately that cannot be salvaged.  U will have to cut & start all over.  Keep it in braids!!!  I really feel your pain :-(


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## Starian (Apr 4, 2008)

I have never been so upset over something a stranger has done. Never in my life. My blood pressure rose when I saw the pictures. 

I cannot add any advice because the ladies here have covered everything. 

God bless you, Tee. You are risking life and limb and you can't depend on some mofos you are supposed be able to trust to do the simplest ****. 

All I have to say as I have never understand why a person would think it was okay to permanently alter someone else's child's hair without permission. The thought process behind that kind of gall...would probably fill a ton of psychology books. 

She is a beautiful child, before and after. It'll work out. Take up some of these ladies on their offers of help. Obviously, family cannot be trusted.


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## mytia (Apr 4, 2008)

OMG! I am so sorry for you and your daughter and that cousin of yours was just wrong. But I do believe with alot of TLC (a trim, protein treatment and condition, condition, condition) your daughters hair will turn around. You should definitely find someone else to care for your daughters hair and make sure that they're going to follow your directions. It will be okay  and your daughter's still beautiful!


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## trini_rican (Apr 4, 2008)

stargoddess said:


> *this concerns me also, i dont know if im readin too much into it but in the pics with the broken hair your dd isnt smiling and she looks sad  i wonder if the mistreatment doesnt extend to other areas? can you set up an appointment with her school teacher just to find out how she has been at school and how her whole demeanour has been? I really feel for you girl and getting an au pair who is accountable to look after your daughter is a better bet than your cousin and also one of these lovely ladies who are close to u can take care of her hair..tell that 'cousin' to get gone*


 
Wow we're on the same wave-length.  I was thinking the same thing.


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## bellebebe (Apr 4, 2008)

I WOULD GO APE ON HER!!! I'M SO SORRY MAMA, IT's okay though, at least you now know not to trust her with hair.


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## lovelymissyoli (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.



SpicedTee,

Please send me a PM if you're looking for someone to do your daughter's hair. I live an hour from Victorville, but I go to school about 25 minutes away from there and I wouldn't mind making a visit for anything that you might need.

Futhermore, should you decide you want to braid her hair, my braider --- who's been doing my hair for 5+ years --- lives right outside of Victorville. Just say the word and she can do her hair! Her children are living proof that she knows what she is doing.


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## JsBecca (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> Thank you, Ladies so much for rallying your support. Thank you for the compliments too for little Naiomi, she is my little doll. She is smart as a whip and so sweet and polite. I have never had a problem out of her, so of course, I dote on her something terrible!
> 
> Me and the cousin situation....sigh. I don't even know if the girl is daft or what...I left very detailed instructions. I am a product junkie, and believe me when I say that EVERYTHING that could ever be needed for Naiomi's hair was in my bathroom...Boundless Tresses, Mizani Botanifying Shampoo, Mizani Moisturefuse Conditioner, and ORS Carrot Oil.
> 
> ...


 

That's a perfect and easy to follow regimen.  Even my 10 yr old DD could follow this.  Your cousin is a jealous, conniving idiot.


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## *Luscious*Locked*Doc (Apr 4, 2008)

Wow this is horrifying.  I mean really really horrifying.  Not because of the hair so much as the malice and intent I think was behind these actions.  I can't imagine what other type of misguided behavior your cousin was enacting while you've been away in terms of your daughter's day to day care.  I am concerned beyond the hair that this may not be the best place for your child's well being.  I say first make sure that everything is fine - school counselers and some simple questions directed at your daughter.  If she is living with your cousin I would suggest a rapid move pending the answers.  Secondly, I would find someone else to care for your daughter's hair because this woman clearly didn't give a d***m what you wanted for your daughter or for you.  I had some problems like this when I was young like 7-8th grade. What saved my hair?  DC and protein treatments and then I kept my hair in and out of braids for the next year or so and in the end had SL hair when pressed out.  This is what i suggest you try for your daughter.  Unfortunately you really need to have those damaged areas chopped off and evened out before braiding.  I'm sorry that this happened to you  and best of luck....


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## mnemosyne (Apr 4, 2008)

*Luscious*Locked*Doc said:


> Wow this is horrifying.  I mean really really horrifying.  Not because of the hair so much as the malice and intent I think was behind these actions.  I can't imagine what other type of misguided behavior your cousin was enacting while you've been away in terms of your daughter's day to day care.  I am concerned beyond the hair that this may not be the best place for your child's well being.  I say first make sure that everything is fine - school counselers and some simple questions directed at your daughter.  *If she is living with your cousin I would suggest a rapid move pending the answers.*  Secondly, I would find someone else to care for your daughter's hair because this woman clearly didn't give a d***m what you wanted for your daughter or for you.  I had some problems like this when I was young like 7-8th grade. What saved my hair?  DC and protein treatments and then I kept my hair in and out of braids for the next year or so and in the end had SL hair when pressed out.  This is what i suggest you try for your daughter.  Unfortunately you really need to have those damaged areas chopped off and evened out before braiding.  I'm sorry that this happened to you  and best of luck....


The problem with this is that her cousin is living in HER home... not the other way around.


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## *Luscious*Locked*Doc (Apr 4, 2008)

mnemosyne said:


> The problem with this is that her cousin is living in HER home... not the other way around.



I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thing ....maybe some kind of half-time nanny just for when she is coming home from school if cost is not prohibitive?  I'm just really concerned with anyone that would enact this type of behavior on a child especially when given explicit instructions not to do so.  It goes to the motive of this type of behavior and makes me question her cousins ability to properly care for ANY child.


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## ShiShiPooPoo (Apr 4, 2008)

Once again, this is child abuse.  No doubt if she bone straightened her hair she may have had some serious scalp burns...that's child abuse.  I am concerned for your daughter's well being as well.  If she did this to her no telling what else she may have done or WILL DO to her.  PLEASE make other arrangements for her and I would tell her why you are making other arrangements...not that she'd even care apparently.


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## january noir (Apr 4, 2008)

Every single time I look at the pics of SpicedTee's baby girl's hair it just makes me WILD! .    

This is the most blatant case of irresponsibility I have ever seen and clearly a case of revenge or intense dislike (unless cousin is a crackhead).

Said "cousin" could easily have let this little girl play in traffic for all we know.  

SPICEDTEE PLEASE COME BACK AND UPDATE US!  

Please tell your cousin that you know are *over 200* women who seriously want to take her out to the woodshed and whoop her ***!


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## Platinum (Apr 4, 2008)

I'm wondering if this is the result of 1 relaxer or several over a period of time? *If this happened over a period of time*, cousin should have atleast told you what was happening so you could advise her on the situation. Regardless of how you would have reacted. As a parent, I would rather hear someone say "I made a mistake, I'm sorry, what do you want me to do?". Rather than come home to a "surprise" like this. She wasn't even *woman enough *tell you what was going on.

*I'm serious, I can get a load to your area ( I can get there in 3 days)so I can have that "discussion" with your cousin. If you kick her a** out, I'm sure I have plenty of room in my trailer for her belongings and I will drop her a** off somewhere.*


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## ricochet (Apr 4, 2008)

I am sooo mad right now but I have to let it go .  THIS is what burns me up about "folx" and their jealousy and envy toward another person.  While your cousin's bi-racial child is on one side, hair perfectly healthy and taken care of, your baby is pushed to the side as if she is yesterday's garbage.  Does she not DESERVE to have healthy hair or something?  I won't even go there on the political side of it.  I am burning up.  Why did I know you were gonna say what she said, VERBATIM, about the maintenance involved in taking care of your baby's hair?  I am so SICK AND TIRED of "us" saying the same ol S*&! about "our" hair and how it is TOO this or TOO that and the ONLY thing that will FIX it is a relaxer!!!     Okay, let me calm down...breathe and stop Mica...okay, I am back.  I will stop here before I get upset again.  Thank you for everything you are doing for our country and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.


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## clever (Apr 4, 2008)

Platinum said:


> I'm wondering if this is the result of 1 relaxer or several over a period of time? *If this happened over a period of time*, cousin should have atleast told you what was happening so you could advise her on the situation. Regardless of how you would have reacted. As a parent, I would rather hear someone say "I made a mistake, I'm sorry, what do you want me to do?". Rather than come home to a "surprise" like this. She wasn't even *woman enough *tell you what was going on.
> 
> *I'm serious, I can get a load to your area ( I can get there in 3 days)so I can have that "discussion" with your cousin. If you kick her a** out, I'm sure I have plenty of room in my trailer for her belongings and I will drop her a** off somewhere.*


You can come scoop me up if you need assistance.


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## pazyamor (Apr 4, 2008)

Living with you? Rent free? Doesn't pay a car note? Man, if I had a cousing who would loan me a few dollars every now and then I would be happy. What does she want from you, a personal back scratcher? I cannot tell you to kick her out of your house (although you should), I can't tell you to whoop her ass (but I will pass you the vaseline), and I can't give you and advice that hasn't already been said (except that you should put your trust in God, and your daughter in somebody else's hands)...

If you don't mind me asking, did your husband think anything is wrong with this?


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## tiffanyoneal (Apr 4, 2008)

:210:_I'm ready whenever you are!_ *That's so wrong!  I had to come outta lurking on this one. *I am sorry that happened. Some people just dont know any better. Damn!


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## Impresaria (Apr 4, 2008)

Whew...it's been a LONNNNGGGG day!!

Update:

I found a braider!! She lives about two miles away. I talked to her about the condition of my daughter's hair, and I swear if my mouth didn't drop open when she told me her plan of action...I SWEAR she must be a member/lurker on a hair board! The first thing she said was that her primary clients are children and that she encourages natural hair care. She is natural herself and she said that she has successfully transitioned many young girls from relaxer to natural with braided protected styles. The second thing she said was that she wanted to have a consultation with me a DD tomorrow morning, and that before she puts ANY braids in her hair she wants to do an *elasticity test*. Okay, so far, she knows what she's talking about. She said that she wants to strengthen with an Aphogee treatment to build it up before she puts braids in it. She said that she will do her hair once a month, including washing and take-down, if DD gets cornrows. If she gets individuals, she will re-do them every 6-8 weeks. Member *Lisatamika,* who has been to my house a few times with her husband, and who is VERY ANGRY with me for not asking her for help (I apologize again, I didn't know that I needed help until I got home to DD's hair!!), is going to come over Saturday or Sunday and we are going to iron out a plan of action for weekly maintenance of DD's hair, including taking her to her braid appointments. DD most likely will get her hair braided tomorrow morning so that she can show off at her PRINCESS BIRTHDAY BASH tomorrow afternoon!! So there will be plenty of pics of her braided hairstyle posted by tomorrow.

2. DD can't go with Dad, no way, no how. Dad has not lived in California for over a year. He lives in Illinois. He comes to "visit" whenever. He was right here in this very house about a week and a half ago to come and get some of his belongings. Did he see DD's hair? Yep! Did he do anything about it, ask questions or call me? Nope! 

3. Can't sue the cousin. See, in order for her to make decisions for the children on my behalf why I am away, she was given Temporary Legal Guardianship...signed and notarized with a Federal Seal. In effect, I have given her permission to do what she determines is necessary in caring for the children. I can always revoke it, but...I don't know what to make of her actions, she has never been willfully malicious to me, as far as I know. I do cut her some serious slack, although I have to re-think how I've been handling things. Since she is staying here, her family (almost-ex included), has been putting extreme pressure on her to walk away from our arrangement. They want her to take a side, and it appears that she has taken mine so they have so-called "disowned" her. When my almost-ex was here last week, he threatened her and said that she and I are "plotting against him." It's not as simple as kicking her out. She is a member of the household....sigh...if there was someone else willing to help me then they would've stepped up to the plate by now. I am running out of options. I don't know...I think she is just lazy as Hell. Or overwhelmed. Or both. We are going out for a bit tonight, to get away from the kids and have a "Come-to-Jesus" meeting. Hopefully, if she wants out and is just being passive aggressive, then she will let me know. I'll update everyone tomorrow. 

I will be back to this shortly, I have a ton of wonderful members that I need to return PM's too, and I need to also contact a few by phone and email that have reached out to me to offer their help.

I'll be back!


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## Tayw29 (Apr 4, 2008)

*Bre~Bre* said:


> I know thats right! When my dd goes to her dads house for the weekend this has been a concern for me too. That is why usually I send her in twists because I don't want them up in her hair. They comb too roughly, tight ponytails, all that and i'm not having it. This chile best not EVA come here with a perm or there will be a ww3 up in this ****


 

Bre Bre my DD’s name is Bri Bri too .  This is one of my fears when she is the care of others.  I know her hair is hard to deal with, I fight with it everyday.  But it really pisses me off that people have the nerve to do this with no regard to the up keep of having a relaxer.  Who says I want the responsibility of maintaining a relaxer amongst all the other things I need to do as a mother????????  It pisses me off that these people clearly know that a relaxer is something that cant be changed once its done, and with the little bit of knowledge they do have when it comes to hair they know that according to what the majority thinks a relaxer has to be done every 4-6 weeks, what gives them the right to decide that’s something I want to do when there arses are at home laying up and I have to maintain this new chore they have decided to give me.  I swear I feel like calling her fathers momma and them right now and tell them if they even think about putting any kind of chemicals, blow dryers, curling irons, hot combs. Flat irons or anything else near her head I will choke the breath out of them all and DD hasn’t even left yet .  She will be 7 in a few weeks and I can’t see the point in straight hair for her just because, she’s a child and her hair should remain braided or in ponytails until further notice and she doesn’t need a relaxer to achieve either of the 2.


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## cutenaynay (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> Whew...it's been a LONNNNGGGG day!!
> 
> Update:
> 
> ...


 


aww im soo happy for you. God is real good for real no matter what .


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## Prettypsych (Apr 4, 2008)

whew- i had to hold my breath through those posts. Like everyone else, I was angry along with you. Very sad... but it looks like you have it under control for now. 

After the shock of it all, this seems like a good time to nuture both your daughter's hair and spirit back to health. What better time to learn that although we love our hair and should always put forth our best effort in looking our best, we are more than what's on the outside. She is beautiful, smart, loved, and admired no matter what and it's important that she ALWAYS knows that...


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## january noir (Apr 4, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> Whew...it's been a LONNNNGGGG day!!
> 
> Update:
> 
> ...


 

This is such a relief to hear!  We will all be waiting to hear what happened at your meeting with said "cousin."  God's Favor to you and Naomi SpicedTee.


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## MrsQueeny (Apr 4, 2008)

january noir said:


> This is such a relief to hear!  We will all be waiting to hear what happened at your meeting with said "cousin."  God's Favor to you and Naomi SpicedTee.



It sure is. I just showed the pics to my dh and even he was upset. ((Hugs)) to you and your little girl. This too shall pass. Q


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## schipperchow1 (Apr 4, 2008)

I had written a long post expressing my concern about the situation and support for you along with some options, but my computer ate it!  Anyway, I am glad to see that you have a solution for the haircare.  However, I am still concerned that there may be something deeper going on.  I realize that it is not an ideal situation and that there are negative "family" members around.  Your cousin may think that black hair has to be managed with a relaxer.  But at least the ladies at LHCF have stepped to the plate for you & your daughter.  You are not alone!  Best of luck to you both!


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## cutenappygrl (Apr 4, 2008)

In general - I don't understand why in-laws and step mothers think they can control your child's hair. I've heard this same story from friends and co-workers who have shared custody and the stepmom will do the most craziest things to their daughters hair - like they have no common sense. Things they won't even do to their own daughter's hair. It's just sickening how people will treat someone else's child's hair.


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## 2Cute! (Apr 5, 2008)

This really is a shame!  I know your cousin knew better than to relax your baby girl's hair!  What we she thinking?  I can't imagine the disgust you felt when you first laid eyes on your daughter's hair.  

My suggestion falls in line with the other ladies. Find someone to deep condition her hair on a regular basis and keep it braided.

I know it's hard to think of it like this right now, but... it WILL grow back.  Just give it time.


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## Jetblackhair (Apr 5, 2008)

Words can't even begin to express how sad, mad & bad I feel about this situation.  I mean this really hurts to see your little girl's hair like this.

Believe me, I have tears in my eyes.  Little girls are special and precious and it's so important to take good care of them from head to toe, inside & out.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


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## Platinum (Apr 5, 2008)

Praise God! I'm glad you found someone to take care of your daughter's hair. Please keep us posted on Baby Girl's progress! God Bless you both!


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## FlowerHair (Apr 5, 2008)

Oh, my...
First of all, your daughter is gorgeous! 

Second, I can really understand why you were upset! 
Why did she do that to her hair, that is so wrong!

If anyone left their child in my care and I accepted it, I would take care of her as if she were *my own *and with utmost respect for her parents... Goodness! 
I really feel for you...

Your daughter's hair will grow back and be even prettier than before.


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## Lady Esquire (Apr 5, 2008)

SpicedTee said:


> Whew...it's been a LONNNNGGGG day!!
> 
> Update:
> 
> ...


 
I am so happy to hear that you've found a braider and a fellow LHCFer to help out while you're away.  As for your cousin, and the guardianship, God is good and will lead you the right way in that situation.. I wish you luck.  Keep us posted.


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## growth2come (Apr 5, 2008)

I wish you all the best in sorting things out with your cousin, but it was just so wrong of her to perm your child's hair without permission cos its not as if you can easy say I am sorry I will take it off....A perm takes a while to transition out of. Good that you have found someone to sort out the hair care, maybe now your cousin can just concentrate on just "looking after" your daughter. I am sure once you have ironed things out you will be at ease whilst away at work. All the best.


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## kweenameena (Apr 5, 2008)

Whew!! This thread made my blood pressure go up. I swear I want to seriously *** up your cuzn.

Prayerfully, the talk that you all are gonna have will make the second half of your tour better than the first.
I'm happy that you now have help with her hair. Pray on the rest.
**off to repent for my evil thoughts**


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## gone_fishing (Apr 5, 2008)

Wow, those pictures evoked a very angry loathesome response from me.


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## shelli4018 (Apr 5, 2008)

I'm glad you've found a plan for lil' bits hair. Please keep us updated on her progress.

As for the cousin.....well....I have some lazy relatives too. So this could've easily happened to me. Maybe your cousin isn't a lost cause. Perhaps she really is lazy and sucks at doing hair. If so, you've resolved one problem. Hopefully she'll resolve the other. 

Since neither of you have family to depend on maybe you really could create a win/win situation here. However she needs to get on the ball. Living at your house WITHOUT a game plan ain't smart.


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## NessaNessa (Apr 5, 2008)

Your daughter is beautiful!

With help from these ladies, I am sure her hair will flourish 

Good Luck and thank you for serving our country


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## beautifulisaunderstatment (Apr 8, 2008)

Im just glad this story has a happy ending.


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## claudia05 (Apr 13, 2009)

Its been a year...any updates?


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## sqzbly1908 (Apr 13, 2009)

OMG!!!!  I would have to concur with the most the previous statements - cut off the damage, deep condish/protein condish that baby's hair and find a someone that will not only braid her hair (every 3-4 weeks) but will wash and condition while she is growing out that relaxer...


Sorry for the redundant statement above - I just saw that baby's hair and started typing after the 5th or 6th post...


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## STLCoverGirl (Apr 13, 2009)

Those pics made my blood boil and then I read she and I share the same name...I am too through!!  I am glad you found someone to care for her hair properly, can't wait to see updates!


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## prettyFine (Apr 13, 2009)

so sad. she deserves a beat down! i would dust her ends. and start using a good shampoo moist cond and protein cond. it will grow back. and back to the beat down


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## JayAnn0513 (Apr 13, 2009)

Wow...that is wrong on so many levels... If u can't trust family who can u trust.


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## **Tasha*Love** (Apr 13, 2009)

Its a year since I  first read this thread and I am still mad as HELL! . I would love to see an update .


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## Xavier (Apr 13, 2009)

I missed this thread last year. The after photos really got my blood boiling, but I am happy you found a resolution. I would love to hear about your baby's progress.


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## Almaz (Apr 13, 2009)

SHOOOT this is not even MY child and I want to beat her A$$ for you. Listen are you ANYWHERE near a 100 mile radius of Chicago. Hell I will go and take care of your daughters hair FOR you. Goodness My heart goes out to you cause I see how BEAUTIFUL your daughters hair was when you were dealing with it. BTW you daughter is absolutely Stunning. It is a sad shame that your cousin did this with no remorse what so ever.  He hair is not unmanagable. Her hair is beautiful and thick. But yet HER child was totally coifed. I am angry and upset that people do this when you left all the products that she needed. Braids and trims probably would be the best thing now. Cause I know you don't want to cut all of her hair off and start from scratch. 

This is Ri DIC U LOUS. 

I am so sorry but your cousin as we say in Arabic is a SHARMUTA. 







Impresaria said:


> I am so sad. I am more upset at something I see in this MUCH deeper than her hair. She is the ONLY Black little girl in her class. I take extreme pride in taking care of my children and making sure that they look well-groomed and put together. To think that my poor baby was going to school, cheer-leading practice, just out and about LOOKING TORE UP by the head just KILLS ME!!! Her hair was completely natural. I can look at the little new growth and see that the last perm was maybe about two weeks ago? I asked my cousin WHAT THE HELLLL....she said that Naiomi's hair was:
> 
> UNMANAGEABLE!!
> HARD TO COMB!!
> ...


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## Hairsofab (Apr 13, 2009)

omg wow! My hair always looked like that as a little kid because my mom was hair care illiterate. I trust that her hair will get better with your care. It will take a while but she'll have beautiful hair in no time.

woops just realized this thread was from 2008.


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## syze6 (Apr 13, 2009)

I just responded to a thread like this yesterday and now today! What the Bleep is wrong with people! 

This happened to me and I am now AGAIN reminded of my anger! If she was too damn lazy to wash and condition and handle your childs natural hair. She should have left it the **** alone!!!! Oooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(


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## msMicaela (Apr 13, 2009)

ok!!! i read this thread ealier and was not even able to post because i was sooooo furious....this entire situation highlights so many steriotypes and ridiculous ignorant habits that some in our culture cling too...This thread just angers me... i tried to cool down but i find myself still thinking bout it!!!
1.  Who the h$ll would perm someones elses CHILD's hair w/out getting parental permision???
2.  So...her babies "mixed" hair is worth more time and effort in doing then the "black" haired babies??
3. And even if she permed the hair...are we still that ignorant to where we dont know that a child with permed hair cannot be..rubber baned, gelled, pulled and other horrible hair practices??

I would say that she did this on purpose but then all i have to do is look at other chewed up...permed lifeless little girls hair out there and remember that some of us are just still plain ignorant...

Anyway... i sooo pissed right now...but its been a year and i know that the wonderful ladies on this bored has helped the baby out...im anxious to hear any updates....

btw... i feel that the OP must have had some angels on her side because i have read each of her post and she remained sooo poised, mature, and with much self control...She gets maddd love from me!!!


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## BlackHairDiva (Apr 13, 2009)

You will need to braid her hair. Plus she will still be able to be as versatile with braids. Her hair will grow back really quick..don't worry.


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## lilsparkle825 (Apr 13, 2009)

Updates would be amazing. I was on page 4 before I saw the 2008 stamp.


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## HoneyA (Apr 13, 2009)

This is just awful. I can't believe this. How dare your cousin do this? Where do some people get off and without even asking your permission?


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## Encore (Apr 13, 2009)

i hope ya'll realized this is from

*2008*


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## **SaSSy** (Apr 13, 2009)

Encore said:


> i hope ya'll realized this is from
> 
> *2008*


 
THANK YOU! I thought this was a new post until I saw the date! Damn the old thread monster strikes again!


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## tsturnbu (Apr 13, 2009)

i would cut a few inches off, and then have her wear cute braids for about a year to get her health and length back.

i am so sorry this happened to you. 

hugs hugs and more hugs


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## brandy (Apr 13, 2009)

Upsetting!!! Sorry this happened to you and your daughter.


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## Chevelure618 (Apr 13, 2009)

OMG.  I hardly know what to say.  I hate to say anything bad about anybody's cousin, but she has some kind of problem with afro-textured hair...can't seem to deal with anything but "bi-racial",maybe Type 2 or 3.

Take a deep breath and here is what I'd do:  This is one of those times we actually need hairdressers.  I'd take her to one that you kinda trust and just get it all evened up.  I think she could where a puff out the back of some headbands then until it grows out some.  The way you had her hair was so nice....well trimmed, styled and conditioned....well loved and very cute.  Can you bring her to someone professional who could do an old-fashined pre and curl?  The point is to let the perm grow out at this point...I wouldn't worry about the heat so much.

Just remember how quickly little kids hair grows out.  

I don't know what this will do to your relationship with your cousin.  I would be furious!!!!

Love,
M


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## Chevelure618 (Apr 13, 2009)

Encore said:


> i hope ya'll realized this is from
> 
> *2008*


 
OMG I didn't realize it was on old post...did someone bump it for a reason?


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## STLCoverGirl (Apr 13, 2009)

Chevelure618 said:


> OMG I didn't realize it was on old post...did someone bump it for a reason?


 
Someone wanted updates....I would like to see as well.


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## kimmy89 (Apr 13, 2009)

I want to cry!  This brings back memories, but my aunt was responsible for this when i was 8. 
To fix it, my grandma, BCed me, I got bullied. I had comb coils then braids, then it grew back, she just needs a responsible and *KIND *adult.  

*I wish I lived near u- Hopefully a kind hearted LHCFer, who lives close will help.*

I would also suggest braids but, I don't even know, because your cousin sounds like she would just leave them in 4 too long, and it may mess up your babies HAIRLINE........This is just crazy.


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Apr 13, 2009)

I'm going to be very blunt.  Why can't your husband learn to take care of his own daughter's hair?  Isn't she staying with her dad?   Shampoo and combout with ORS with a little ORS as a leave-in is very simple.  Anybody can learn to braid a little braid.  Just darned ridiculous!


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## cutiebe2 (Apr 13, 2009)

Encore said:


> i hope ya'll realized this is from
> 
> *2008*


It was bumped for updates

Is Impresaria still in Iraq????? She went back a week after this post! I hope she is okay!!


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## LyndseyJK (Apr 13, 2009)

I'm only on page 2 of reading the thread so I dont know if this has been asked yet but.....where are you located??  If your friends/ other family members cant help out then maybe there is a LHCF member in your city who can help out once a week or something.


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## Xavier (Apr 13, 2009)

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I said:


> I'm going to be very blunt. Why can't your husband learn to take care of his own daughter's hair? Isn't she staying with her dad? Shampoo and combout with ORS with a little ORS as a leave-in is very simple. Anybody can learn to braid a little braid. Just darned ridiculous!


 

I know this is a long thread...OP mentioned that her EX-husband lives out of state. So no, he is not around to do his daughter hair.


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## Xavier (Apr 13, 2009)

For those who don't have time to read the entire thread, *Page 28 Post #279*...OP seemed to have found a solution back in 2008, before she returned to Iraq. The thread was bumped to see how her daughter's progress has been after a year.


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## sky_blu (Apr 13, 2009)

Angelicus said:


> I am angry about this!



EXACTLY! As Im typing I still can't close my mouth. HTH did you remain calm? WTH did they do that to her hair?


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## LaLaa (Apr 13, 2009)

Im so sorry this happened to your pretty little girl! Your cousin needs to get her @ss whipped for that!


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## hairedity (Apr 13, 2009)

...didn't realize this was on old post.


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## blue_flower (Apr 13, 2009)

My heart started racing really fast when I saw the 'after' pictures. I'm so sorry this happend to your daughter.  I'm just as angry as you are.


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## blue_flower (Apr 13, 2009)

hairedity said:


> ...didn't realize this was on old post.




Oh. . .it is! Hopefully her hair has improved.


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## Candygirl (Apr 13, 2009)

Why in the &*%$ did she do this? This smells like some haterade ish going on!!! You said that her daughter was perfectly coiffed and she leaves your daughter's hair looking like this? Ohmigoshhhh I would be soooo furious at this! Your daughter is gorgeous! I would be very leary of letting anyone else putting their hands in your daughter's hair. It will thrive though and alot of the ladies advice on here is great. Co-washing,oiling,and braiding loosely will be your best bet on this.


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## vainღ♥♡jane (Apr 13, 2009)

*oh. my. goodness. so how bad did you hurt her?  your baby's hair was so pretty before you left! ugh. i hate when folks use relaxers on a baby's hair thinking its some kind of solution, and it ends up bein the problem. it ate her hair up!*


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## chameiltress (Apr 13, 2009)

I WOULD HAVE DUG A HOLE IN HER FACE!!! OMG! im soooo sorry is there any way u can keep her hair in braids and another fam meber all together make sure it stays that way or out her in somone else care and again im sooo sorry your cousin needs to be taken out back and beatin with a whip!


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## cutenss (Apr 13, 2009)

You daughter is beautiful in all the pictures.  After you get through  your cousin, then get your daughter some braids.  She should not have to do battle at home, when you just left it.  And thank you for that.  I know you will make it OK.  After you get through  your cousin!


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## ThePerfectScore (Apr 13, 2009)

OOHH i know we here at LHCF don't condone murder.... but I personally will make an exception.


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## sheba1 (Apr 13, 2009)

I understand this is an old post but it still *happened.  *I can hardly believe it!

I had a very strong reaction to these photos... and I was curious how a guy might react.  I know we're all women and we are all, obviously, into hair.  So I asked my bf how he would feel and showed him the before and after pics.  He's livid!!!  Even a man that shakes his head every time I DC with my soft bonnet dryer and couldn't care less can see that this was just plain wrong on so many levels.  I know her hair has probably recovered by this time and there are blessings in all things... but my cuz would have caught a beat down.  Point blank period.


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## natural2008 (Apr 13, 2009)

i am mad ar your cousin for perming your babies hair.


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## shae101s (Apr 13, 2009)

Usually I say people should avoid violent reactions, but really your cousin is just plain dirty and wrong for this. I'm upset!! You left care instructions and all the materials, all she had to do was follow them, and she couldn't do that?? And what's worse, she decides to do the one thing you asked not to do! oh heck nah!!

Plus to me it seems she was waiting for a chance to make your beautiful little girls hair go down the drain...because why is her daughters hair still well managed??? hmmmmmmmmmmm??????

Anyways, I'm truly sorry this happened, but I say either put her in braids and actually even though she is eight, tell her what to spray in her hair at times (trust me you are never too young to learn to do your own hair--I started at 7 lol). And possibly find someone..a church member, a mother from her school (idk), I don't know, someone willing to help..it's just sad her own grandma and aunt's couldn't even care less.. sigh..


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## Everything Zen (Apr 13, 2009)

Jessica Rabbit said:


> Lawd she even got Allandra angry. Now you KNOW she was wrong.
> 
> Ol unfit *****. You should give her an extra strength tbc relaxer mixed with rio and copa and let it sit on for an hour.



Don't forget to add some Bantu! 

OP- do you think you can set up a webcam with skype or something so you can see DD daily? I don't know if you answered this but it sounds like your daughter never mentioned what was done to her hair. THAT has got to change. Tell her everything that she needs to know- like when a conditioner "smells funny or burns", how much heat someone is putting on her hair, all sprays, gels, etc. I'd make her turn into the secret police with you.


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## MissNina (Apr 14, 2009)

WOW. . .I can't believe this happened to your daughter. I know this an old post too, and I didn't read the whole thread, how is her hair now? I'm pretty sure you were able to get it back on track, God-willing!


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## Casarela (Apr 14, 2009)

WHOA!  I was in shock when I saw the first pic I thought you were refering to the end results until I scrolled down  . Im so sorry to hear and see what yoru cousin did. 

IMHO, I think you should definetly do some hardcore treatments to you daughters hair and then get her hair cornrowed into 10 section maximum. Find someone who will follow your instructions and to cornrow her hair every month or so.

*IN ADDITION , TEACH THE MOST THAT YOU CAN TO YOUR LITTLE GURL SUCH AS HOW TO DETANGLE W/ WIDE TOOTH COMB, COWASH, SPRITZ HER BRAIDS, DC AND PREP HER HAIR BEFORE SHE GETS IT BRAIDED AND TO ALWAYS DETANGLE AFTER THEY UNBRAID HER HAIR, JUST TO AVOID ANY FUTURE DAMAGE*

BISOU AND A BIG HUG!


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## Prose Princess (Apr 14, 2009)

Wow...PLEASE post some happy updates so I can stop wanting to shave your cousin's head and being sad for your daughter!


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## rsmith (Apr 14, 2009)

What made her think she could put a perm in your daughter's hair.  That was a dumb decision.  I would be fire mad.


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## Keen (Apr 14, 2009)

Wow. forgive her. She just don't know any better.


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## cookie1 (Apr 14, 2009)

My mouth is dropped because there was no need to destroy that baby's healthy hair.  I would go back to the regime you had before bc it was working.  I would find someone else to oversee my child's hair care because someone lost their mind.


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## MsChelle (Apr 14, 2009)

Impresaria.......what I want to know is, did you whoop her *ss behind what she did to your baby? I don't condone violence but OMG.........I see why you cried. That beautiful little girl didn't deserve that ABUSE to her hair. I am in shock over here!!! My heart actually sped up when I saw the before and after pics. I am so sorry that happened to her hair. I know with your loving attention it will grow back beautifully. You NO DOUBT educated your cousin at this point.......


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## Supergirl (Apr 14, 2009)

I'm a few days late, but first of all please tell me that your cousin is still alive. If not, I know ways to make this thread (evidence) disappear. 

Secondly, your daughter is gorgeous. 

Lastly, I know that with your hair care knowledge you will get her hair back on track in no time, and bless your heart for having to be away from that beautiful baby for an extended period.


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## keepithealthy (Apr 14, 2009)

Everything Zen said:


> Don't forget to add some Bantu!
> 
> OP- do you think you can set up a webcam with skype or something so you can see DD daily? I don't know if you answered this but it sounds like your daughter never mentioned what was done to her hair. THAT has got to change. Tell her everything that she needs to know- like when a conditioner "smells funny or burns", how much heat someone is putting on her hair, all sprays, gels, etc. I'd make her turn into the secret police with you.


 

That sounds like a good idea!!!


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## Nice Lady (Apr 14, 2009)

Like everyone is saying--I am hoping for a hair update.


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## likewtr4chklit (Apr 14, 2009)

They don't make words that I can type here without getting banned that would accurately express my anger. I actually have tears in my eyes for you and your little girl. Not even just because of the perm but also the blatant disregard and neglect that had to take place in order for that to happen.


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## Sade (Apr 14, 2009)

Oh my goodness lady first of all it is good to see you were back home for a little bit. And Take care of you on your way back. I will probably see you over there soon.

Oh my God!! My eyes welled up in tears when I saw Naiomi's hair! What the hell is wrong with your cousin? I will put her in braids and natural styles for a while. Also, you may want to find a good stylist that cares about hair that someone can take her to maybe every other week to braid or care of her hair while you are gone. I know honey this is hard but I don't know what else will work. If you find a stylist make sure you give her strict instructions see if she can take pictures if progress for you. Also, you might wanna have the stylist cut the permed hair off as Naiomi's hair grows. Finally, you are gonna have to sit little Naiomi down and help her understand not letting people do stuff to her hair. I know she is young but try as much as you can to help her understand.

I will be back with more suggestions.


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## *Michelle* (Apr 14, 2009)

She is a beautiful little girl! 

I am so sorry this has happened to you, I'm mad for you and her...ugh!!  This happened to my dd at 12 when she went to visit her dad's crazy arse grandmother for the summer. I am happy to report we cut and grew till it was all out. Now she has a beautiful head of healthy just below her shoulder, hair. Good luck and hugs.

Many this is soooo disparaging....

Oh and take care while overseas.


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## RockCreak (Apr 14, 2009)

I'm in tears right now.  I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now.  I'm soooo sorry.  How is your daughter feeling?  I hope she's ok.  She's almost at that age where she starting to pay more attention to her looks (if she hasn't started already).

This is just a senseless tragedy.

Do you live in MD in the DMV area.  I'm a licensed stylist and with the help of my sista's at LHCF, I'm positive that we can nurse her hair back to health.  At no charge!!!!  

Your cousin should be ashamed of herself!!!  I'm quite sure her dd hair isn't looking like that.  OOOOOHHH! I would definitely be catchin a beef for that one.  Is that some form of abuse....hair neglect!  If it's not, then it should be.

Where's your cousing right now?  I'll like to give her a piece of my mind!

I'm sorry but I'm heated right now!


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## MizAvalon (May 21, 2009)

This thread is from over a year ago but I hope the OP's DD's hair has grown back healthy and beautiful.


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## yaya24 (Jan 14, 2010)

Just seeing this thread. My heart hurt after seeing the "after" pics. 

Any updates?


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## orchidgirl (Jan 14, 2010)

I can't believe you cousin had the nerve to perm her hair while you we gone. I am so sorry. My only suggestion would be to trim hair as close to one length as possible and do a protective style for a little while.erplexed. I hope she offered an apology...


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## southerncitygirl (Jan 14, 2010)

sorry  she is such a beautiful child. I agree that braid ext are a great idea, i completely understand your being upset about this.


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## cupcakes (Jan 14, 2010)

This is a super old thread. Updates?


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## Nightingale (Jan 14, 2010)

I would love to know what happened too.


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## tarheelgurl (Jan 14, 2010)

I remember this thread and wonder what happened too.


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## Lexib (Jan 14, 2010)

tarheelgurl said:


> I remember this thread and wonder what happened too.



Same here...2 years can make a world of difference


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## moejama (Jan 14, 2010)

PHEW! I was just starting to tear up until I learned that this is an old thread. Hopefully her dd's hair is recovering.

And now my rant: DO NOT PERM YOUR YOUNG GIRLS' HAIR!! For one, young girls need to learn how to love and appreciate their natural texture. This is one part of building good self esteem, and you do them no justice by robbing them of the opportunity of getting to know, much less, form an OPINION about their hair. Second, girls that young have yet to experience puberty and the hormonal changes that the body goes through. Don't know the science behind it, but back in the day, my mom's stylist wouldn't even let me entertain the thought of a relaxer until I had been menstruating for at least a year. I know everyone does things diff, but I for one, will wait until my child is @ the age to make the decision for herself whether or not she wants to relax. In the end, I didn't relax my hair until I was in high school. And while I was natural, I wasn't unpopular, I didnt feel less than, I certainly didn't get teased or have problems making friends, and I knew exactly how to care for my 4a/b hair. And trust me, I get it--my mom would lose her mind week after week gently detangling and braiding my hair when I was natural-- but SHE DID IT. And most importantly, I later got to make the decision whether to relax for MYSELF.

Ok, i'm clearly preaching to the choir. LHCF ladies know this already. Guess I'm making up for lost time...I haven't posted in a minute, lol


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## Cherokee-n-Black (Jun 16, 2011)

I so want the update on this.  I just can't imagine the psychological issues, especially sitting next to the perfectly coiffed biracial cousin day in and day out. That was just incredibly wrong.


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## Jewell (Jun 16, 2011)

I know this is an old thread, but this type of thing sickens me.  Who knows, the cousin may be jealous of you (mom), explaining why her daughter was sitting there perfectly coiffed and yours was looking like she stuck her finger in an electrical socket! I would have hauled off a can of WHOOP *** on the cousin, but if she is your only reliance for child care while you are away then it is definitely time to enlist the help of someone else.  I would seriously consider suing cuzo for this!

Hope that the DD's hair has recovered gracefully from this!


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## Cherokee-n-Black (Jun 16, 2011)

Jewell said:


> This type of thing sickens me. Who knows, the cousin may be jealous of you (mom), explaining why her daughter was sitting there perfectly coiffed and yours was looking like she stuck her finger in an electrical socket! I would have hauled off a can of WHOOP *** on the cousin, but if she is your only reliance for child care while you are away then it is definitely time to enlist the help of someone else. I would seriously consider suing cuzo for this!


 
I wish there was a way to edit titles of OLD THREADS.  I know this caused a firestorm the first time.  I really just want to know what happened after this.  When I saw the "before" and "after" I literally gasped out loud.  Oh, the cousin would have had hades to pay for this one.


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## g.lo (Jun 16, 2011)

no wonder why some people can commit a murder!! this is unacceptable, how dare she????? 

yep, curious to know as well, what happens next!!


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## NJoy (Jun 16, 2011)

Your anger is justifiable. I'm upset for you.


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## Nix08 (Jun 16, 2011)

Impresaria any updates?


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## MsLizziA (Jun 16, 2011)

I would like to see an update on this as well. Lawd there woulda been hell to pay


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## Bnster (Jun 16, 2011)

bumping.....


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## lilyofthenile (Jun 16, 2011)

Wow... I could really feel your pain there... you leave your child believing they will be taken care of really well and according to the way you've told them how to. Do you have any other relative around? Is it your cousin she's staying with? What your cousin did.... if mine did that.... we'd be falling out big time =/ 

My heart goes out to you, seriously


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## Avyn (Jun 16, 2011)

MoMo said:


> OMG! First off, your daughter is absolutely beautiful.
> 
> Back to the subject at hand, I really don't know what I would do. Maybe cut as much of the damaged hair as possible and co-wash everyday for the next week until you leave. Then find someone that can cornrow her hair (not too tight) every two - three weeks throughout the rest of Spring and through the Summer. I believe that it will recover...just needs some tlc.


 
I agree with this.


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## Janet' (Jun 16, 2011)

Impresaria How is baby girl doing now?


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## Impresaria (Jun 16, 2011)

Here is a recent pic of the "baby"! She's 12 years old now and trying to do the most. I am having a helluva time getting the other photos to resize in Photobucket. Bare with me, I'll be back with a detailed update on what's going on with her hair and more pics once I get the photos to act right.

ETA: Here she is two days ago at practice for her school's talent show. Please be warned, she likes to swing her hair and stays FOREVER in it and touching it. She is not shy either. (I would turn the volume down if I were you!) You've been warned!

Naiomi Practicing


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## Evolving78 (Jun 16, 2011)

*breaks out in a praise dance* YAY!  her hair looks so good!  great job!


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## Cherokee-n-Black (Jun 16, 2011)

Impresaria said:


> Here is a recent pic of the "baby"! She's 12 years old now and trying to do the most. I am having a helluva time getting the other photos to resize in Photobucket. Bare with me, I'll be back with a detailed update on what's going on with her hair and more pics once I get the photos to act right.
> 
> ETA: Here she is two days ago at practice for her school's talent show. Please be warned, she likes to swing her hair and stays FOREVER in it and touching it. She is not shy either. (I would turn the volume down if I were you!) You've been warned!
> 
> Naiomi Practicing


   I am sooo glad.  This thread had us all up in arms!  "We are all Impresaria!"  It looks great! Good job, Mom!  Supermom! :superbanana:


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## Impresaria (Jun 16, 2011)

I really want to thank everyone who showed so much concern and support. I really don't post that often anymore, so please forgive me for making you all wait for an update.

Naiomi's hair has been through a few setbacks over the past few year due to a number of factors. The most glaring issue is that I am not home to take care of it (yeah, still in Iraq). My Mom is a minimalist when it comes to hair (she has alopecia, almost completely bald and wears wigs), she does as little as she can get away with. So although Naiomi's hair has been braided, it has still been neglected to some extent. My Mom finds whoever to braid her hair, and it has suffered at the hands of braiders that braid too tightly or who use the cheapest quality of hair. I send all kinds of products that just sit and collect dust (Megatek, Aubrey Organics, MTG, oils, herbs, nuts, berries, etc). Add to that Naiomi playing in her hair like most pre-teens tend to do. She has cut it, pulled at it, put all kinds of hair clips and what-not in her hair. I was expecting her hair to be in worse condition when I got home 3 weeks ago, but I was pleasantly surprised. Imagine how much better it will be in a years' time with proper care. No doubt, it should be MUCH longer and MUCH thicker after this amount of time, but the circumstances have made it quite difficult for all of us. I am far away and everyone else is just pretty damn lazy. I'll be home for good in a few months and she will be on track for sure. Right now, she gets it pressed every two weeks. I found a stylist that will come and pick her up for her bi-weekly appointments (she's a good friend) and I just Paypal her the $$. This way no one can come up with any excuses about transportation or lack of funds.

ETA: I put the cousin out in July 2008. She was my (ex)husbands cousin, I was just trying to help her out. By the time she left, she had thrashed my home, used several of my credit cards, and basically stole my identity. Haven't seen or heard from her since. 

More pics!


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## butterfly_wings (Jun 16, 2011)

That's really good to head OP !


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## SmilingElephant (Jun 16, 2011)

What makes ppl think they are so entitled to put a freakin perm in someone elses child's head??!

I'd sue thee CRAP out of her!!! That's a permanent alteration on YOUR child's head that YOU didn't ask for!! I'd probably also punch her in the face. 

Idiot. 

I'm sorry but this just REALLY made me mad


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## Leeda.the.Paladin (Jun 16, 2011)

OMG at the crazy cousin. I'm glad her hair has recovered somewhat and that you will be home soon. I know it will flourish then. I think it's horrible that your relatives won't step up to the plate and do this simple thing for you.


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## CuteMeeka (Jun 16, 2011)

deleted...


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## SmilingElephant (Jun 16, 2011)

And then she stole your IDENTITY??!!!


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## CuteMeeka (Jun 16, 2011)

Oh, that [email protected] was just Raunchy...

If she did your babies hair like that, it's no telling how she took care of the rest of her - it's good she's gone. She really showed her true colors and it is good you ended up putting her @ss out anyway. OMG... I couldn't believe the after pics. I was mad!

At least now your daughters hair looks healthy again (and is so shiny)!!


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## silenttullip (Jun 16, 2011)

I'm sorry this happened... So glad she recovered


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## bunnie82 (Jun 16, 2011)

how devastating! glad the baby's hair is back on track!


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## shortycocoa (Jun 16, 2011)

You did a great job getting her hair back on track.  She looks so beautiful and mature!


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## MissYocairis (Jun 16, 2011)

Impresaria said:


> More pics!



OMG!  Your baby has grown up so much!!!!!!!  Her hair is coming along nicely and I'm so impressed with your dedication.  I really appreciate your service to our country, OP....and the fact that you are doing what you need to do for your baby from overseas is heartwarming!  You should be very, very proud.  Your daughter's hair looks beautiful and I'm positive that YOUR conscientiousness about her hair is going to rub off on her and she will always remember the right path to take with her hair as she grows.  Congratulations to you for being such an awesome Mommy!


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## lustrous (Jun 16, 2011)

OP i'm VERY relieved to read that you and your cousin no longer have contact. She simply wasnt a kind soul.


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## lilsparkle825 (Jun 16, 2011)

Wow, what a great update! Thanks so much! Both of you are gorgeous.


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## allmundjoi (Jun 17, 2011)

Your daughter is very pretty OP and so is her hair. Well done.  Hopefully as she ages she will take the reigns with her hair and become healthy hair obsessed like the rest of us. 

Sent from my DROIDX


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## aquajoyice (Jun 17, 2011)

I'm sorry but that ish would have gotten her a$$ beat for that.


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## Cherokee-n-Black (Jun 17, 2011)

What a story!  Well, the perm should have earned her a one way trip to the curb, but that other shiz just takes the cake!!!  Wow...wow...wow....Well, so glad that baby's hair is back on track.  I can't believe you send all that great stuff home to no avail.  When you get back, I have no doubt her hair is going to be getting it's grow on for real!  Thanks for the pics!


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## manter26 (Jun 17, 2011)

I'm sure she'll be glad to have mommy back home. Her hair has come a long way and I'm sure with your help it will only take off from here.


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## Shadiyah (Jun 17, 2011)

So glad to hear that you will be home soon. She really needs her mother at this time in her life and her hair does lol.


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## SerenavanderWoodsen (Jun 17, 2011)

Goodness! That girl has grown up  . Her and hair look beautiful! I remember this thread well. 
I cannot believe it was before I left home and moved 200 miles and got married . *gets emotional*


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## Hysi (Jun 17, 2011)

Wow! I am so happy for you & DD! Her hair looks lovely. And the cuzzo- she won't have good things. Shame on her!


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## HAIRapy (Jun 17, 2011)

I am so happy her hair it's better. She is a beautiful girl and you are a beautiful mom! Thank you for the update 

Sent from my Samsung Epic


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## lilpooky (Jun 17, 2011)

Happy that things have worked out for you and your daughter.


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## lilyofthenile (Jun 17, 2011)

Impresaria said:


> I really want to thank everyone who showed so much concern and support. I really don't post that often anymore, so please forgive me for making you all wait for an update.
> 
> Naiomi's hair has been through a few setbacks over the past few year due to a number of factors. The most glaring issue is that I am not home to take care of it (yeah, still in Iraq). My Mom is a minimalist when it comes to hair (she has alopecia, almost completely bald and wears wigs), she does as little as she can get away with. So although Naiomi's hair has been braided, it has still been neglected to some extent. My Mom finds whoever to braid her hair, and it has suffered at the hands of braiders that braid too tightly or who use the cheapest quality of hair. I send all kinds of products that just sit and collect dust (Megatek, Aubrey Organics, MTG, oils, herbs, nuts, berries, etc). Add to that Naiomi playing in her hair like most pre-teens tend to do. She has cut it, pulled at it, put all kinds of hair clips and what-not in her hair. I was expecting her hair to be in worse condition when I got home 3 weeks ago, but I was pleasantly surprised. Imagine how much better it will be in a years' time with proper care. No doubt, it should be MUCH longer and MUCH thicker after this amount of time, but the circumstances have made it quite difficult for all of us. I am far away and everyone else is just pretty damn lazy. I'll be home for good in a few months and she will be on track for sure. Right now, she gets it pressed every two weeks. I found a stylist that will come and pick her up for her bi-weekly appointments (she's a good friend) and I just Paypal her the $$. This way no one can come up with any excuses about transportation or lack of funds.
> 
> ...



Beautiful!! Yay!!! You're such a wonderful mom though, being half way across the world serving your country and ensuring that your daughter is in good health hair-wise too. Your stylist friend is really wonderful for what she does. Your daughter's hair is beautiful, thick and just healthy. 

Well done, take care!! I wish you the best ^^


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## racheljay1985 (Jun 17, 2011)

:O I can't believe that! Glad it turned out well, looks very healthy!


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## theNaturalWonders (Jun 23, 2011)

1st time reading this~her hair is gawjus!!! so lush and shiny...i am a true believer that when things are stolen, destroyed, etc from us we are always restored 10x better in due time and clearly this is the case


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## Janet' (Jun 23, 2011)

What a positive update!!!


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## libertysince05 (Jun 23, 2011)

Great news! Thanks for coming back for an update.


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