# Where are all the men?



## Qualitee (Sep 10, 2009)

You’re                                not just imagining it: Christianity is short on                                men. Here are the facts:                                                                                                                  
	

	
	
		
		

		
			




• The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories. [1]

																		• On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches. [2]

																		• This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands. [3]

																		• Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants. [4]

																		• The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male). [5]

• Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return. [6]

• More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church. [7]

																		• Churches overseas report gender gaps of up to 9 women for every adult man in attendance. [8] 																	• Christian universities are becoming convents. The typical Christian college in the U.S. enrolls almost 2 women for every 1 man. [9]
 																	• Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry. [10]​


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## SND411 (Sep 10, 2009)

Watching Sunday Football?


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Sep 10, 2009)

LOL.  What about  potential quality christian spouses?   How bad are those stats?  I'm shuddering!


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## momi (Sep 10, 2009)

IMO it has a lot to do with the over-feminization of church these days.  You will notice that churches with are more structured and orderly have an abundance of men compared to the modern day, move by the spirit church.

Not to mention the fact that women used to pray for a push men to the forefront in ministry... now they are pushed "out of the way".


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## Shimmie (Sep 10, 2009)

AfriPrincess411 said:


> Watching Sunday Football?


 
 AfriPrincess.........

You told the Truth!    

 

Either that or washing their cars...


Let me be fair.... many men are also working.  They really are.  They're working to support their families and they don't see Church as the 'first' priority.


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## Shimmie (Sep 10, 2009)

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I said:


> LOL. What about potential quality christian spouses? How bad are those stats? I'm shuddering!


For the most part, they are actually quite Godly, but Church is 2nd on the plate. 

But it's like momi shared, they've been 'pushed' out and they actually perceive it as,  the wife does the 'going to Church' part and they (the men)work and bring home the money to pay the bills.


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Sep 10, 2009)

momi said:


> IMO it has a lot to do with the over-feminization of church these days.  You will notice that churches with are more structured and orderly have an abundance of men compared to the modern day, move by the spirit church.
> 
> Not to mention the fact that women used to pray for a push men to the forefront in ministry... now they are pushed "out of the way".



In a lot of cases, 1 male priest and a whole lot of old ladies!


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Sep 10, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> For the most part, they are actually quite Godly, but Church is 2nd on the plate.
> 
> But it's like momi shared, they've been 'pushed' out and they actually perceive it as,  the wife does the 'going to Church' part and they (the men)work and bring home the money to pay the bills.



Courting potentials...where's the good guys at???  I'm scurred!


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## inthepink (Sep 10, 2009)

momi said:


> IMO it has a lot to do with the over-feminization of church these days.  You will notice that churches with are more structured and orderly have an abundance of men compared to the *modern day, move by the spirit church.*
> 
> Not to mention the fact that women used to pray for a push men to the forefront in ministry... now they are pushed "out of the way".



Momi,

Just seeking clarification on this.  What is a "move-by-the-spirit" church?  Do you mean churches that keep you all afternoon etc?

I have only attended structured/orderly churches since I became a Christian and there are still way less single men.  In some cases, just less eligible single men (i.e. not social misfits). erplexed

However, I do believe the theory of over-feminization keeping men away.


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## Laela (Sep 10, 2009)

HA! 



AfriPrincess411 said:


> Watching Sunday Football?


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## Child0fGod (Sep 10, 2009)

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I said:


> *LOL.  What about  potential quality christian spouses?   How bad are those stats?  I'm shuddering!*



 double yikes.
that's what i'm _always_ thinking


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Sep 10, 2009)

Child0fGod said:


> double yikes.
> that's what i'm _always_ thinking



G-d forgive me, but the other day, I looked at a link that was on our bulletin about catholic singles.     Honestly, I don't know if I'm just too picky or if they truly looked like either too hoity toity or absolute :burning: like the most miserable of guys are on the net and look like total misfits emotionally!  I don't think I will EVER contact somebody online.  Un huh...so that leaves me to Church and most of them are with their families...sigh.  Well, I'm comfortable right now alone...would like to be married...but I dunno....  Yeah.  where are all the good ones????


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## Child0fGod (Sep 10, 2009)

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I said:


> ...I don't think I will EVER contact somebody online.  Un huh...so that leaves me to Church and most of them are with their families...sigh.  Well, I'm comfortable right now alone...would like to be married...but I dunno....  Yeah.  where are all the good ones????



yeah, i don't plan on doing the online-"dating" again. afterward, i knew God was telling me "not to look back..."-- twice failed. apparently not God's plan and i'm ok with that.

church? wow. i don't even bother at church: it's good to have a place where God is on my mind and God only, ya know


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## Mis007 (Sep 11, 2009)

Wow those stats are dire, but I can't say that I am entirely surprised.  Single christian females have been complaining for the longest about the lack of eligible males in church, if there is successful couplings its very rare...


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## SND411 (Sep 11, 2009)

momi said:


> IMO it has a lot to do with the *over-feminization* of church these days.  You will notice that churches with are more structured and orderly have an abundance of men compared to the modern day, move by the spirit church.
> 
> Not to mention the fact that women used to pray for a push men to the forefront in ministry... now they are pushed "out of the way".



What is the "over-feminization" of church? 

Oh course, always blame women for all society's ills....


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## SND411 (Sep 11, 2009)

hairlove said:


> Momi,
> 
> Just seeking clarification on this.  What is a "move-by-the-spirit" church?  Do you mean churches that keep you all afternoon etc?
> 
> ...



I think this is a complete and utter lie.


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Sep 11, 2009)

Child0fGod said:


> yeah, i don't plan on doing the online-"dating" again. afterward, i knew God was telling me "not to look back..."-- twice failed. apparently not God's plan and i'm ok with that.
> 
> church? wow. i don't even bother at church: it's good to have a place where God is on my mind and God only, ya know




Well, I'm talking about church activities other than mass.  Our churches are so involved in general life.   I haven't tried the singles...too scared to open my eyes in case I find the barfalicious misfits .  Catholic Singles in this area is like a failed JDate attempt on crack.


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## momi (Sep 11, 2009)

AfriPrincess411 said:


> What is the "over-feminization" of church?
> 
> Oh course, always blame women for all society's ills....


 

That was my original quote - I never said women were the blame at all.  However we are responsible for a reasonable share of the problem.  

When I first married I wasted a tremendous amount of time trying to change my husband into me... or at least one of my girlfriends.  It took me about 2 years to realize I had un-realistic expectations in certain areas and I had to learn to appreciate him for who he was... testosterone and all.

I believe we have been guilty of the same in the church: The modern-day (read: what is portrayed on tv) is full of over-emotional get in touch with your feminine side, over the top, dramatic theatrics.  Many men just cant get with that - theyd rather stay home and wash the car in peace.


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## Mis007 (Sep 11, 2009)

momi said:


> That was my original quote - I never said women were the blame at all. However we are responsible for a reasonable share of the problem.
> 
> When I first married I wasted a tremendous amount of time trying to change my husband into me... or at least one of my girlfriends. It took me about 2 years to realize I had un-realistic expectations in certain areas and I had to learn to appreciate him for who he was... testosterone and all.
> 
> I believe we have been guilty of the same in the church: The modern-day (read: what is portrayed on tv) is full of over-emotional *get in touch with your feminine side, over the top, dramatic theatrics. *Many men just cant get with that - theyd rather stay home and wash the car in peace.


 
I think the bolded is perhaps dependent on the type of church as no two churches will have the same envioronment. The church I attend is very traditional so there is no "over the top, dramatic theratrics"


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## momi (Sep 11, 2009)

Mis007 said:


> I think the bolded is perhaps dependent on the type of church as no two churches will have the same envioronment. _The church I attend is very traditional so there is no "over the top, dramatic theratrics"_


 
As is the case with many other churches I am sure... however the ones receiving the most media are these "types" of churches.

In my area I know of a few bible teaching churches with sound doctrine that have a large percentage of men.  I cant say if they are eligible or marriage material, a cursory view lets me know there are at least _*more to choose from.*_

What is the percentage of men/women at your church?


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## mswoman (Sep 11, 2009)

momi said:


> That was my original quote - I never said women were the blame at all. However we are responsible for a reasonable share of the problem.
> 
> When I first married I wasted a tremendous amount of time trying to change my husband into me... or at least one of my girlfriends. It took me about 2 years to realize I had un-realistic expectations in certain areas and I had to learn to appreciate him for who he was... testosterone and all.
> 
> I believe we have been guilty of the same in the church: The modern-day (read: what is portrayed on tv) is full of over-emotional get in touch with your feminine side, over the top, dramatic theatrics. Many men just cant get with that - theyd rather stay home and wash the car in peace.


 

You are right!!!! Churches that only have women's day, missions day, children's day, etc... and have NO mens ministry are the churches that are too feminine and run away the men because there is nothing for them there.  This occurs in MANY churches of all denominations.

At my church I am very proud to say that we have about half men and half women. We have a Men's ministry and a ministry for the football college students. We have a Young adult ministry to get young men and women involved at our church. We are also a church that believe that decons are men and basically run the service.

The Bible says that God is the head, also that a man is a covering for the Woman to God as God made the woman from the man but a woman is the giver of life. All that to say is that some feminine churches suck the life out of the men and as the poster said drive the men out of the church. 

Men will not stay where they are not welcomed or demasculated without words being said. I'd just suggest that you test the theory and invite a straight guy to church. Ask him what he thought about church afterwards and you'll know the real deal....


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## SND411 (Sep 12, 2009)

mswoman said:


> You are right!!!! Churches that only have women's day, missions day, children's day, etc... and have NO mens ministry are the churches that are too feminine and run away the men because there is nothing for them there.  This occurs in MANY churches of all denominations.
> 
> At my church I am very proud to say that we have about half men and half women. We have a Men's ministry and a ministry for the football college students. We have a Young adult ministry to get young men and women involved at our church. We are also a church that believe that decons are men and basically run the service.
> 
> ...



What about churches that are _too_ masculine...would you leave?


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## SND411 (Sep 12, 2009)

momi said:


> That was my original quote - I never said women were the blame at all. * However we are responsible for a reasonable share of the problem.  *
> 
> When I first married I wasted a tremendous amount of time trying to change my husband into me... or at least one of my girlfriends.  It took me about 2 years to realize I had un-realistic expectations in certain areas and I had to learn to appreciate him for who he was... testosterone and all.
> 
> *I believe we have been guilty of the same in the church: The modern-day (read: what is portrayed on tv) is full of over-emotional get in touch with your feminine side, over the top, dramatic theatrics.  Many men just cant get with that - theyd rather stay home and wash the car in peace.*



How can we have a share of the problem when the clergy is VERY male-dominated?

But this is not entirely true. Maybe they just don't want to go. Many churches, ORTHODOX even, which have sound doctrine and organization still witness the same thing.


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## momi (Sep 12, 2009)

AfriPrincess411 said:


> *How can we have a share of the problem when the clergy is VERY male-dominated?*
> 
> But this is not entirely true. Maybe they just don't want to go. Many churches, ORTHODOX even, which have sound doctrine and organization still witness the same thing.


 

Even though that may be the case - because of the proportion of men to women in the church that we all admit exists... the clergy (women and men) could be feeling the pressure to cater to their audience.  This audience is majority female,  and if my theory holds any water  the cycle continues.

This is my theory and Im sticking to it. 
Anyone else have a theory?


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## Shimmie (Sep 12, 2009)

momi said:


> Even though that may be the case - because of the proportion of men to women in the church that we all admit exists... the clergy (women and men) could be feeling the pressure to cater to their audience. This audience is majority female, and if my theory holds any water the cycle continues.
> 
> This is my theory and Im sticking to it.
> *Anyone else have a theory*?


 
No 'mam'   


  


But I will support your theory.   "Deep calls unto deep..."  And when we are ministering, there is a spiritual 'pull', a spiritually 'sensitivity' to whomever is present, and the Holy Spirit who is there to edify, comfort, lead, exhort, will flow in that direction.     

Those 'present' are to whom the Holy Spirit will minister to.  The 'pull' is there.  Women are there with so much going on in their hearts, that it's only 'natural' that the atmosphere is going to 'yield' in that direction.  God's love is fulfilling the needs, present.


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## SND411 (Sep 12, 2009)

momi said:


> Even though that may be the case - because of the proportion of men to women in the church that we all admit exists... the clergy (women and men) *could be feeling the pressure to cater to their audience.  This audience is majority female,  and if my theory holds any water  the cycle continues.*
> 
> This is my theory and Im sticking to it.
> Anyone else have a theory?



Wouldn't that make sense though? If a church had a majority of men I really DOUBT anyone would try to make it less masculine.

Honestly, I think the whole "over-feminization" is false and a ploy to blame women for men's problems. Many churches through out history have had majority female congregations (especially with many widows). There is nothing in the Bible that preaches against churches that happen to be this way. Christianity, if you really look at it through the New Testament, has historically appealed to the downtrodden of society. Perhaps many men find that to be "for weak people." Who knows?


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## SND411 (Sep 12, 2009)

I have a real theory:

Perhaps it has something to do with the growing atheism in the world. They say religion is for the "weak." We know how many men do not want to be perceived as "weak."


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## Child0fGod (Sep 12, 2009)

AfriPrincess411 said:


> I have a real theory:
> 
> Perhaps it has something to do with the growing atheism in the world. *They say religion is for the "weak." We know how many men do not want to be perceived as "weak.*"



black atheists??

lol, kidding.

agree with bold print. very true.
but, maybe not atheism, but choosing a _different_ religion instead. lots of black men have become Muslim because of the role of men in their culture. you'd be surprised. first time i met one was at my sisters wedding. and my mom works with a black buddhist woman...??? very strange phenomenon to me..... can't really explain it all. just kinda sad.


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## SND411 (Sep 12, 2009)

Child0fGod said:


> black atheists??
> 
> lol, kidding.
> 
> ...



Interesting. I've known about this to. They also do this because they believe Christianity is a white man's religion And What type of culture do these men play exactly? And shouldn't faith be more about worshipping God than merely increasing one's status?


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## envybeauty (Sep 12, 2009)

Quite frankly, a lot of boys do not grow up in the church bc they saw that their fathers weren't in the church.  A woman with a bunch of rugrats in church is frowned upon until folks see you have a rock on your finger bc then it's ok.  No one cares that hubby is home every Sunday. 

Far too many women grow up in families where the women are bible thumping, holy ghost filled, waiting on the Lord, etc. and yet they marry men who are not of the church.  They then have sons and daughters while repeating the pattern. 

They take the kids to church (leaving Pops at home) but as they get older, Junior stays home and Missy keeps going to church with mom.  They encourage their daughters to "be a good girl" and "find a church home" while away at college yet they turn a blind eye to Junior's womanizing ways and lack of church attendance. 

I'm mostly talking about Black churches bc those are the churches I frequent and interact with churchgoers. 

I aint surprised by the article.  NOT.AT.ALL. erplexed

ETA: The fact that the head of churches is male dominated is comparable to why we have only had male presidents or why most mechanics are males, even though women have always made up a significant portion of the population.  Males are groomed for certain professions and have kept women out for centuries (as a collective as some women don't want women clergy either).  Plus, just because women drive cars doesn't mean we want to fix them.  Clergy no exception.


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## Child0fGod (Sep 12, 2009)

envybeauty said:


> *Far too many women grow up in families where the women are bible thumping, holy ghost filled, waiting on the Lord, etc. and yet they marry men who are not of the church.  They then have sons and daughters while repeating the pattern. *



the generational curse ends with me.
what about you?


(general "you").


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