# How do you explain to a non-believer the importance of abstinence?



## Innocent_Kiss (Aug 8, 2007)

I recently gave my life to God and I have decided to practice abstinence.  I told my boyfriend my decision to wait until marriage and he's shocked, confused, and frustrated.  He asked me why and all I can come up with is "because you're not suppose to have sex outside of marriage."  I was embarrased that that was all I had to defend myself. I'm a babe in Christ (a NEW Chrisitian) and eversince I was a young child, I was piloted in Christ by my parents.  Now, that I'm older, Ive realized that I need a relationship with him for myself! I tried to support it by saying God said that everything is beautiful in its season, and having sex outside of marriage is out of our season.  My BF was raised in church, yet our families hold different values.  They feel like we're going to have sex anyway, and we should just protect ourselves in the process.  His mom even suggested that we move in together erplexed  I was raised, however, that sex, moving in and building our lives together, having children, all of those things are beautiful in marriage.  So, how do I explain to him?


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## gone_fishing (Aug 8, 2007)

Well first of all let me say good for you that you have made this decision and that you are standing by it.

The situation you are facing now is why the bible discourages us from being yolked together with unbelievers. Some people think christians make this assertion because they think they are "better" honestly it is to keep you from having to make difficult choices - usually a choice between pleasing God and a choice between pleasing your mate who may want you to do things which are not pleasing to God..

Because your boyfriends mind (as an unbeliever) is not set on living by God's standards it is going to be difficult for him to understand your decision but if he respects your beliefs in the Bible then he should also respect the spiritual choices you must make to live by the new standards you have for yourself.

You can try explaining to him like this but he still may not understand or perhaps even want to understand:

Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage / premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).

Sex before marriage has become so common for many reasons. Far too often we focus on the “recreation” aspect of sex without recognizing the “re-creation” aspect. Yes, sex is pleasurable. God designed it that way. He wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity (within the confines of marriage). However, the primary purpose of sex is not pleasure, but rather reproduction. God does not outlaw sex before marriage to rob us of pleasure, but to protect us from unwanted pregnancies and children born to parents who do not want them or are not prepared for them. It also protects us from making poor choices stemming from emotional confusion that sexual intimacy can bring before marriage. Imagine how much better our world would be if God’s pattern for sex was followed: fewer sexually transmitted diseases, fewer un-wed mothers, fewer unwanted pregnancies, fewer abortions, etc. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and most importantly honors God.

Now, honey let me tell you I am not a "new christian" but I have backslid a few times and I am working on that now with my fiance'. We are working on abstinence and sometimes we still mess up and it is not easy. But, I do know what the Word says and that everyday is a day you must commit to doing what it says. Renewing your commitment to God on a regular basis is very important if you want to continue dedicating your life to him. I'm going to PM you as well.


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## Shimmie (Aug 8, 2007)

Innocent_Kiss said:


> I recently gave my life to God and I have decided to practice abstinence.
> 
> I told my boyfriend my decision to wait until marriage and he's shocked, confused, and frustrated. He asked me why and all I can come up with is "because you're not suppose to have sex outside of marriage." I was embarrased that that was all I had to defend myself. I'm a babe in Christ (a NEW Chrisitian) and eversince I was a young child, I was piloted in Christ by my parents. Now, that I'm older, Ive realized that I need a relationship with him for myself! I tried to support it by saying God said that everything is beautiful in its season, and having sex outside of marriage is out of our season.
> 
> My BF was raised in church, yet our families hold different values. They feel like we're going to have sex anyway, and we should just protect ourselves in the process. His mom even suggested that we move in together erplexed I was raised, however, that sex, moving in and building our lives together, having children, all of those things are beautiful in marriage. So, how do I explain to him?


Share your testimony of purity with him...it's beautiful. And it's more receptive. 

I'll be honest, single people who are having sex do not want to hear anything that says they have to stop. Why would they? They enjoy what they are doing. 

Granted, those of us who walk in the Spirit of the Lord will not succomb to the lusts of the flesh. But those who are not walking in Him do not have an understanding of its importance. Until they have a knowledge and a pure walk with God, sex is what they will continue to have until they have a change in heart. 

So in answer to your question. There is really nothing you can say to him except 'stand your ground.   You can pray for his heart to be fulfilled with the love of God and to have his spirit indwelt with the Holy Spirit which will lead him not into temptation, but will deliver him from All evil. 

So again, share your testimony with him. Let the light of your eyes glow into his and allow him to see the joy that you have in being abstinent; the peace that it gives you and then he too, will want this same Virtue and not let it go. 

God bless you, angel.


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## Innocent_Kiss (Aug 8, 2007)

Shimmie and adequate, thank you so much.  I appreciate your encouraging words, and I will remember them the next time I talk to him.  Again, please keep me in your prayers.


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## calliope (Aug 8, 2007)

Sweetie, right now you're what's called "unequally yoked."  God doesn't want to hurt us with His word, He loves us and wants us to have the fullness of joy and to be happy.  However, you're in a position that a lot of Christian women put themselves into and find a lot of hurt and frustration in.  You can't change anyone.  They have to want that and seek God for the change.  

Being with a man (even a BF) who doesn't necessarily share your beliefs is akin to playing with fire- especially when you're so new in Christ.  Girl, if it wasn't for the fact that my husband had the same beliefs that I did and his own personal relationship with the Lord, as much as I would have tried, I would have fallen so many times-it's not an easy road to follow.  Instead, we dated for five years and then had sex when we were married.  *There was no argument, no explaining, no making anyone feel* *bad* because we BOTH knew and were in agreement with what was expected of us from the Lord.  

I would say to really pray and seek God's Will about this relationship- if you're not 100% on the same page with the Lord in dating, what's it going to be like in marriage which is infinitely more difficult?  Be blessed and I hope that all goes well for you.


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## Shimmie (Aug 8, 2007)

Innocent_Kiss said:


> Shimmie and adequate, thank you so much. I appreciate your encouraging words, and I will remember them the next time I talk to him. Again, please keep me in your prayers.


Don't be afraid of losing him or any man for keeping your 'Virtue'.  You see all they will see is the 'value' of you and what you place upon the beauty of sexual committment.   It's not a game with you; it's a rare and exceptional beauty to be acquired and enjoyed.  It is a 'gift'.  

Let him know that sex is no longer appealing, but 'making love'...pure love is.  And that to share this beauty it has to come in marriage which is the most beautiful relationship that God has given to man and woman. 

He's in 'shock' right now, but he'll succomb.  Remember it's a new change in you that he's not used to nor did he expect to happen.  

Keep your beautiful stand and don't feel pressured into giving in. 

I've been celibate (by choice) for as long as you are old.   (Lord, help me ).  And I love it.    My new 'friend' loves it; it's me who's 'after' him...

Just wanted to make you smile,   that's all.  Angel you are going to be just fine.  After all the person you are doing this for is Jesus.  Now with God on your side, how can you be denied?  Enjoy the new joy of your new life in Jesus Christ.  You are in for the best time of your life...eternally. 

Question to Remember:   "Did you really think the devi was going to give you up without a challenge?"    Ummmmm, no!   Ignore that fool (satan, that is).  He does not rule you and never will.


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## Innocent_Kiss (Aug 8, 2007)

Shimmie said:


> Don't be afraid of losing him or any man for keeping your 'Virtue'.  You see all they will see is the 'value' of you and what you place upon the beauty of sexual committment.   It's not a game with you; it's a rare and exceptional beauty to be acquired and enjoyed.  It is a 'gift'.
> 
> Let him know that sex is no longer appealing, but 'making love'...pure love is.  And that to share this beauty it has to come in marriage which is the most beautiful relationship that God has given to man and woman.
> 
> ...



I'm not afraid of loosing him.  Truthfully, my feelings would be hurt, but hey, you learn to get over these things.  I know God if this turns out to be the case, God has someone else for me.


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## deola (Aug 8, 2007)

Innocent Kiss, it truly gladdens my heart when I read about ladies deciding to stand by God's Word and His truth, who are willing to be sacrificed on the altar of humiliation, scorn and what-have-you for the sake of Jesus Christ. I am praying with you and I know God is able to uphold you. 
Your best days/man are/is ahead of you.
God bless you sweetie!


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