# Christians can't stay married



## LucieLoo12 (Dec 21, 2011)

[SIZE=+1]*Statistics new show MORE Christian couples get divorced than atheists and other religions*[/SIZE]

Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2010 2:24:10 PM by geraldmcg


A recent study released by the Barna Group—a leading research company focused on the intersection of faith and culture—has been the spark plug for a surge of editorials around the country because of the study’s eye-opening, statistical revelations regarding Christianity and divorce. 
Among the findings, divorce rates among conservative Christians are not only counter to Christian ideals, they are significantly higher than that of other faith groups, including atheists and agnostics. 
George Barna, the director of the study observed, “There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce. (Instead), it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage. Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility.” 
Offering a unique insight into the depths of modern-day Christian marriages is minister and author, Rodney Winters, who’s new book, Go Into the House, much like the Barna study, has Christians talking. 
Winters explores a wide range of marital mysteries among Christians, particularly when held up against the chasm between the sexes. 
Why do Christian men choose to commit adultery? Why don’t men share their fears and emotions with women? Why do women want and need to hear the man’s perspective on “when a wife cheats”? Further, Winters writes about the other side of Christian marriage, when a spouse is facing the aftermath of divorce. Barna pointed out in his company’s report that, “(our) research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages.”


Anyone can reply to this, single or married..What are your thoughts on this?  Is it the "church" fault?


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## Shimmie (Dec 21, 2011)

On my side of the 'Altar', I see more and more Christian couples holding Marriage all the more sacred and dear, staying together, growing closer and honouring one another.

WHAT I do believe is that the folks who wear the 'Christian Label' and deny the power of God thereof, in their hearts are the ones mentioned in this article.    

Err' body is saying they L U V Je'dus' and yet their walk is contrary to the talk.   To far too many, Jesus has become an 'accessory'.    

And let me be clear.   I truly believe that people do indeed acknowledge God and have asked Jesus into their hearts.   But the committment to the WALK is being compromised.   In other words, they want to be 'Saved' but not make the sacrifices which inconvenience them.    They want the benefits but not the worship time of a grateful heart.   

It's back to 'Labels' and the reality is that labels fade and then peel off.


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 21, 2011)

@Shimmie









* In other words, they want to be 'Saved' but not make the sacrifices which inconvenience them.*


THIS IS IT!!!


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## Laela (Dec 21, 2011)

Christians CAN stay married.

When my mom visited us a few weeks ago, we (she, DH and I) had a discussion about Christian divorces. I'm talking about couples in non-abusive relationships, who say they love God and just decide to call it quits, cause they're 'not in love' with each other or outgrew each other..those are excuses, IMHO. I don't care to be PC, but this is _free will _at work here. I'm glad God doesn't operate like we do....to just walk away, give up and quit on us. Like they say, don't tell me you love me... just do.

Abusive relationships are another ball game, but there still was a covenant and a vow made by the abuser.   I'm of the persuasion that there is nothing that God can't fix, even a dull or abusive marriage, but that's only IF the two people are willing.  God does hate divorce, but  I believe that the couple has to be on one accord to allow Him to work things out for their good. Just like God won't force Himself on anyone, we can't and shouldn't 'force' someone to love us.  I believe prayer can change things. I pray for my DH  all the time. There are days I anoint his head with oil while he is still sleeping, (literally, ya'll don't laugh)... before I leave for the day. He prays for me. We have our ups and downs, arguments and disagreements but I know it is God who keeps us together.  Without God as head of our marriage, my DH would have 'disappeared' mysteriously and I'd be living in a different country under an assumed name.   J/K  

I'm sorry to rant on... to answer your question:

No, the 'church' is not at all at 'fault'. . that's taking away the accountability from the verytwo people who say they love God and each other. No, ma'am...


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## Shimmie (Dec 21, 2011)

Laela said:


> Christians CAN stay married.
> 
> When my mom visited us a few weeks ago, we (she, DH and I) had a discussion about Christian divorces. I'm talking about couples in non-abusive relationships, who say they love God and just decide to call it quits, cause they're 'not in love' with each other or outgrew each other..those are excuses, IMHO. I don't care to be PC, but this is _free will _at work here. I'm glad God doesn't operate like we do....to just walk away, give up and quit on us. Like they say, don't tell me you love me... just do.
> 
> ...





Love your entire post...  

The bolded is definitely on point...


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## Shimmie (Dec 21, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> @Shimmie
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I love that 'gif'...


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 21, 2011)

Amren! So many people say they fell out of love? Im like if you 'fell" out of love, that means you never loved in the first place..You cant fall in and out of love..its something you grow into..The bible says love ENDURE all things, BEARS all things, and HOPES all things.It's not a"feeling" at all, its a action and a mindset..its says all things will pass away but charity never fails!

People look for a excitement and a feeling...they have no idea what love is...


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## hair_rehab (Dec 21, 2011)

^^^ITA. Your relationship with Christ should be evident by the way you treat and interact with other people, especially your spouse. Why else would the Bible tell us to love our spouses like Christ loved the Church? I guess some people have forgotten that they made vows.


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## Laela (Dec 21, 2011)

I was looking forward to one of her gifs.. still reeling from this one









Shimmie said:


> I love that 'gif'...


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 21, 2011)

^^^^^


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 21, 2011)

Are Pastors still preaching against divorce still??  I wonder

But then again your big "celebrity" gets them all the time..which gives a fasle impression that its right


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## Prudent1 (Dec 21, 2011)

^^^That's why you must study to show thyself approved you know(2 Tim 2:15)? As previously stated there are pastors (think of the Gaga thread ) who are no more pastors than Pookie and 'nem on the corner. All ppl have to do is _say_ they are Christian and it is widely accepted as the truth. Very few bother to look at their fruit. You know the tree by its fruit _y'all_-period. Every 'marriage' is not of God no more than every human being is god's child. Therefore he is not obligated to recognize/bless unholy unions. Also, lazy Christians, baby Christians, lukewarm Christians, are looking to satisfy their flesh just like their wordly counter-parts. Marriage is hard, heart pounding, life changing, _*WORK*_ but, for those who made up their minds to stick it out and followed through there are no words to describe the rewards of a true biblical marriage. 

So, it's not the church's fault. Should your local pastors and churches be teaching and equipping ppl for courtship, marriage, and family life- YES but it was you + he that took those vows ( see Ecc 5:5 & Deut 23:21) before the living God. So, the buck stops with you b/c we fellowship and get strength/teaching from numbers but your individual, intimate _relationship or lack thereof_ with God transcends all. The buck stops with *you* and *your spouse*. I'm tired of ppl (IRL) running down the aisle with 3 things on their minds- sex, material gains, and babies. Marriage is a lot more than that.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Dec 21, 2011)

Amen to all y'alls post ...


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## aribell (Dec 21, 2011)

I think younger Christians in particular are a lot more likely to marry thinking that all it takes is faith, but they lack wisdom.  Or, they get married for sex.

Also, who knows how they're defining Christian and whether they were Christians before getting married.

I have been hearing more about stepfamilies on Christian radio, and it rubs me the wrong way.  Yes, there are very legitimate circumstances where Christians will have blended families; but it just seems like they're conceeding the fact that Christians are divorcing so often and remarrying that they have to start helping people manage those situations.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670


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## Mis007 (Dec 21, 2011)

I disagree, most people who are divorced had no business getting married in the first place. There clearly were red flags before these people got married.  If you follow what the Bible encourages you will be equally yoked with someone?


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 21, 2011)

Alot of time their lust and desire blinded them so much, they ignored the signs..




Mis007 said:


> I disagree, most people who are divorced had no business getting married in the first place. There clearly were red flags before these people got married. If you follow what the Bible encourages you will be equally yoked with someone?


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## Laela (Dec 21, 2011)

Prudent1 said:


> ^I'm tired of ppl (IRL) running down the aisle with 3 things on their minds- sex, material gains, and babies. *Marriage is a lot more than that*.


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## Shimmie (Dec 21, 2011)

Laela said:


> I was looking forward to one of her gifs.. still reeling from this one



That's just how I was feeling with that 'Senate' thread with the 'animals' ...


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## Shimmie (Dec 21, 2011)

Mis007 said:


> I disagree,
> 
> 
> most people who are divorced had no business getting married in the first place. *There clearly were red flags before these people got married.  *
> If you follow what the Bible encourages you will be equally yoked with someone?



Very true about the 'Red Flags' and being Equally Yoked ...


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## ktykaty (Dec 21, 2011)

I'm talking about non abusive relationship. I have two points.

First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid, meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship.

Second, I had a discussion with my priest about divorced people in the church. To make a long story short, I ended up telling him that people who didn't want to go through the process of getting an annulment shouldn't complain about being excommunicated after their divorce. In other word, they refuse to submit to the word of God or to the teaching of the church about marriage / divorce but they still want the church to bless their "situations". They are OK with Jesus being their savior and blessing them but they refuse to accept Him as their Lord. They want to be their own ultimate authority.


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## Rainbow Dash (Dec 21, 2011)

ktykaty said:


> I'm talking about non abusive relationship. I have two points.
> 
> First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid, *meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship*.
> 
> Second, I had a discussion with my priest about divorced people in the church. To make a long story short, I ended up telling him that people who didn't want to go through the process of getting an annulment shouldn't complain about being excommunicated after their divorce. *In other word, they refuse to submit to the word of God or to the teaching of the church about marriage / divorce but they still want the church to bless their "situations". They are OK with Jesus being their savior and blessing them but they refuse to accept Him as their Lord. They want to be their own ultimate authority*.


 

The bolded is nothing but the *truth*. These two points are the main reasons we are seeing so much divorce in the Church. A few weeks ago, we discussed marriage and convenant and it is nothing to enter into lightly.

Also, I have seen a lot of divorce with seasoned saints. It shook me, I'm like "God, what happened?". These were people I looked up to as a babe Christian. Now they are divorced, some are dating and some remarried.


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## JayAnn0513 (Dec 21, 2011)

Lots of good post in here.... Carry on!


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## ktykaty (Dec 21, 2011)

Health&hair28 said:


> Also, I have seen a lot of divorce with seasoned saints. It shook me, I'm like "God, what happened?". These were people I looked up to as a babe Christian. Now they are divorced, some are dating and some remarried.



It takes two to tango. Both person in the marriage must be committed to it for them to stay married. I know a Christian woman who wanted to stay married for religious reason and her husband wanted a divorce. So after some time, the law (secular) divorced her against her will.

And we shouldn't forget that the devil is busy trying to destroy marriage in the christian community, because God compares our relationship with him to a marriage.


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## LifeafterLHCF (Dec 21, 2011)

As many have posted already most are trying to get married so they can have a horizotial workout partner under the confines of marriage.For some its so they can say I'm not a misfit someone wanted to marry me.Some want a sugar daddy.Others use it as a crutch.Some never want to grow the heck up so they get married to be cared for on so many levels.Its really sad how marriage has been made a fool of.

Many people need to study marriage hell I will roll back they need to study singleness,dating properly etc.Many can't be single they go from bed to bed to bed.They can't stay still.Many have a addictive persona which means they must be under someone at all times take that how want it.For a while I desired marriage bc I was and still to a degree am lonely.No friends nothing.But now if I ever marry it will have to be for the proper reasons and if its a calling that will glorify God more than me being single.Just my 2 cents spend them wisely.


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## Sarophina (Dec 21, 2011)

Personally, I believe God ordains _true_ Christian marriages. If you seek the Lord and lean* not* on your own understanding, you *will* have a successful marriage. Before I meet my FH, I want to be sooo close the Lord God that he will tell me directly if this is of his will or not. I'm not leaving nothin' up to chance.


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## Mis007 (Dec 22, 2011)

ktykaty said:


> I'm talking about non abusive relationship. I have two points.
> 
> First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid, *meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship *QUOTE]
> 
> I believe many enter marriage when one has problems with the "rules" of Christianity.  The premise of being equally yoked has more to do with maintaining a strong faith. When one gets married, their spouse has a lot of influence. When one spouse has no, or a differing faith, it make it difficult to remain strong spiritually because the person is torn between their spouse and their God.


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## Laela (Dec 22, 2011)

^^^ well, said and so true. Don't forget people do/are supposed to grow in marriage, much like they grow and mature in Christ. It's a parallel to His relationship with man set in place from the beginning of our time!


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## Rainbow Dash (Dec 22, 2011)

Laela said:


> ^^^ well, said and so true. Don't forget people do/are supposed to grow in marriage, much like they grow and mature in Christ. It's a parallel to His relationship with man set in place from the beginning of our time!


 

Good point especially for newly married couples. I have noticed divorces in christians that have been saved for many years and married for many years. You would think that after 20 years of marriage and walking with the Lord they would have grown into the marriage.


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## Guitarhero (Dec 22, 2011)

ktykaty said:


> First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. *He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid*, meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship.
> 
> Second, I had a discussion with my priest about divorced people in the church. *To make a long story short, I ended up telling him that people who didn't want to go through the process of getting an annulment shouldn't complain about being excommunicated after their divorce.* In other word, they refuse to submit to the word of God or to the teaching of the church about marriage / divorce but they still want the church to bless their "situations". They are OK with Jesus being their savior and blessing them but they refuse to accept Him as their Lord. They want to be their own ultimate authority.



I am so glad a fellow catholic chimed in.  He's right.  Qui c'est ce pretre?  Not only full knowledge of what marriage itself it, what the other person has up his sleeves.    I can vouch totally!  







Now, maybe it's different in France, but in the U.S., you are not excommunicated after a divorce.  YOu simply are not able to have a sacramental marriage until granted an annulment.  My ex has finally sent me the papers after holding onto them, promising, reneging, acting stupid...he sent them to me.  Now I can get my representatives signed off and be granted a nullity for invalid and move on with my life.  And actually, he was automatically excommunicated in the Orthodox (lawd knows this man is Jewish...but their family converted to save properties etc....maybe the grandmother had faith...but not the family...lawd!) church by having a civil marriage.  That didn't apply to me...but I was confused for years on what to do.  I didn't know if it were deemed valid before I entered the RCC, whether Jewishly invalid and we should go through the rabbis or whether it were true he was considered excommunicated via the Orthodox.  Either way I looked at it, it needed some kind of nullity, dispensation etc.  What a mess!  Figured out now...and I'm keeping my eyes open.  At the time of my marriage, neither of us were religious.  This next time around...it's gonna be permanent cuz I'm purposefully going to be entering in full knowledge into a valid marriage.


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## Mis007 (Dec 22, 2011)

Health&hair28 said:


> Good point especially for newly married couples.* I have noticed divorces in christians that have been saved for many years and married for many years.* You would think that after 20 years of marriage and walking with the Lord they would have grown into the marriage.


 
But did they initally seek God regarding whether they should date the person or not.  Remember God never sends an incomplete package. While no one is perfect...God never sends people who aren't ready or looking to hurt someone. We are usually hurt when we dont seek him and make our own choices which usually ends in disaster, this could be years later.


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## Guitarhero (Dec 22, 2011)

Seeking G-d's face is no guarantee against difficulty in a marriage any more than belief and following Jesus prevents discord in the Body of Christ.  When you marry, that is your promised one (within reason, of course...equally yoked) and that's the relationship that needs to be nurtured.  There is no perfect union.


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## aribell (Dec 22, 2011)

Health&hair28 said:


> Also, I have seen a lot of divorce with seasoned saints. It shook me, I'm like "God, what happened?". These were people I looked up to as a babe Christian. Now they are divorced, some are dating and some remarried.


 


Mis007 said:


> But did they initally seek God regarding whether they should date the person or not. Remember God never sends an incomplete package. While no one is perfect...God never sends people who aren't ready or looking to hurt someone. We are usually hurt when we dont seek him and make our own choices which usually ends in disaster, this could be years later.


 
I can think of a couple of examples. One is with a woman who had a traveling preaching ministry. Her husband was also a minister. She had a website and video on Youtube about how God specifically told her that this was her husband, how their marriage came to be, etc. It was all very inspiring. Well, she kind of disappeared for a while, and more recently I learned that she and her husband have divorced. No explanation was given other than that God took her family away from her because she idolized her husband and children and that God treats prophets more strictly. 

Another example is a couple who wrote for a Christian magazine. Their entire romance unfolded through published articles. I remember one where she talked about receiving a sign from God that her husband was the one. A few years later they divorced--she said he was emotionally abusive, she left the faith, and all their articles were removed from the Christian website without a word. I only know the backstory because we have a mutual friend.

Both of those stories bothered me because in both cases because I had found the stories originally to be very inspiring. They talked so much about how it was God who brought them together, and how they received a clear word from God that this was His will; but if that's so, then how could it have ended in divorce? I think it's possible for people to mess up something that is ordained of God; but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things. There are lots of unbelievers who manage to keep their marriages together. Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.


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## Laela (Dec 22, 2011)

^^ Yes, but I won't be quick to discount that some people really can and do hear from God.

God doesn't make mistakes or changes His mind...but we humans can. Abraham is a fine example of hearing what we want to hear (Ishmael) instead of hearing what God actually told us us (Isaac).


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## Love Always (Dec 22, 2011)

Amen, this happens a lot. 



> Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 22, 2011)

People just dont fight for nothing no more. They give up so easily. They dont wanna compromise, its just me me me me me. But u should be learning self denial in your walk with God. So maybe its a lack of maturity in God......just a thought 


Sent from my VM670 using VM670


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## ktykaty (Dec 22, 2011)

Guitarhero said:


> I am so glad a fellow catholic chimed in.  He's right.  *Qui c'est ce pretre?*  Not only full knowledge of what marriage itself it, what the other person has up his sleeves.    I can vouch totally!
> 
> Père Denis Sonet.
> 
> ...




There's a subtlety.  When divorced you are not excommunicated as in canonic excommunication, but you may be living in a state of mortal sin. If your divorcing is a breach of covenant, you cannot take communion, but if it's not a breach of covenant, you can. It's determined on a case by case basis. By default, divorce = breach of covenant.

For a catholic, having a civil marriage without a sacramental marriage is a breach of covenant. Our church recognize the validity of civil marriage.


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## Raspberry (Dec 22, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> *I think younger Christians in particular are a lot more likely to marry thinking that all it takes is faith, but they lack wisdom.  Or, they get married for sex.*
> 
> Also, who knows how they're defining Christian and whether they were Christians before getting married.
> 
> Sent from my LS670 using LS670


I've seen the bolded quite a bit. I grew up in a conservative denomination that emphasized being equally yoked spiritually and it gave the impression that the main thing that counted  is that you both love Christ a whole lot.  

As I got older I saw many divorces and it became clear that practical and personality issues were the main reasons Christian couples were breaking up, even if nobody cheated. Like the way each party thinks about money,  marital responsibilities, child-rearing, etc. was hardly ever addressed except for maybe a 6 week pre-marital counseling session.. and of course when you're emotionally invested, in love, and really want to have sex, the red flags seem like no big deal and a few counseling sessions aren't going to change your mind.

Thankfully I'm now in a Christian community that speaks of marriage in much more of a balanced fashion but too many Christians are neglecting to do their due diligence as far as marriage preparation.  The fact that your man loves to praise the Lord and yall both speak in tongues isn't enough to go on...


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## Raspberry (Dec 22, 2011)

Mis007 said:


> But did they initally seek God regarding whether they should date the person or not.  Remember God never sends an incomplete package. While no one is perfect...God never sends people who aren't ready or looking to hurt someone. We are usually hurt when we dont seek him and make our own choices which usually ends in disaster, this could be years later.



I hear you but I'm not sure what the expectations of a complete package should be. I mean, just because hurtful things happen within a marriage doesn't mean they weren't supposed to be married in the first place. We have to guard over and make the most of the gifts God provides. Nobody gets married looking to hurt someone but imperfect people who love God hurt each other all the time, married or not.

I think of married Christian relatives I have who have gone thru some hard times in their marriage - hard-headed spouses, emotional affairs, trifling financial decisions,etc.  Some got through it some didn't. Everyone has to take responsibility for how they walk out the values they claim to believe and we're all responsible for seeking to grow in holiness.

You could get married and a some years later your spouse goes through incredible depression, or gets disillusioned with his faith, or maybe decides to self-medicate his pain in unhealthy ways... seems like the key is how you ride the waves when they hit you.


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## Raspberry (Dec 22, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Both of those stories bothered me because in both cases because I had found the stories originally to be very inspiring. They talked so much about how it was God who brought them together, and how they received a clear word from God that this was His will; but if that's so, then how could it have ended in divorce? *I think it's possible for people to mess up something that is ordained of God; but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things. There are lots of unbelievers who manage to keep their marriages together. Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.*



I definitely agree .  I also think we have to manage expectations - and maybe it's easy for Christians to have expectations that are through the roof because we assume that any earthly thing God ordains has to be _awesome _right?  I've had a lot of "this is not what I thought it would be" moments in life in trying to walk in God's will and they've made me realize that God's definition of "good" might be very different than mine .

While the Bible tells us to hold marriage in high esteem, sometimes Christians go the extreme end in expecting the ideal marriage to be the culmination of a perfect spiritual and physical union of personality that is ultimate fulfillment on earth. That's a whole lot of disappointment if the experience doesn't match those expectations.


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## curlyninjagirl (Dec 22, 2011)

I hear a lot of judgement in this thread. Speaking as an outsider looking in, I can't help but wonder 'where's the comraderie? where's the fellowship?' A few of you have said it's the responsibility of the two people tied to one another and have also questioned their Christian status. 

I love the saying "It takes a village..." I apply this concept to many aspects of life. In the face of evil, would you abandon your comrades? Living on this planet is hard. I don't mean to get all kumbayah, but I wish we would lift each other up instead of pointing the finger and tearing each other down.


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## Shimmie (Dec 22, 2011)

Great conversation in this thread.  I'm learning something from each post. 

I'm thankful to everyone sharing.  All of this has great value.


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## Mis007 (Dec 22, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." *and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship*.


 
Very true, this is where wisdom, discernment and good old fashioned common sense must be applied. If we decide not to use any of that, God's under no obligation to give us everything we want because we prayed. He's not our spiritual jeannie in a bottle


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## Guitarhero (Dec 22, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Well, she kind of disappeared for a while, and more recently I learned that she and her husband have divorced. No explanation was given other than that God took her family away from her because *she idolized her husband and children and that God treats prophets more strictly. *
> 
> Another example is a couple who wrote for a Christian magazine. Their entire romance unfolded through published articles. I remember one where she talked about receiving a sign from God that her husband was the one. A few years later they divorced--she said he was emotionally abusive, she left the faith, and all their articles were removed from the Christian website without a word. I only know the backstory because we have a mutual friend.
> 
> *but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things*.



I so agree.  Tis why the Good L-rd also gave us a brain with common sense in addition to His word.    We all make mistakes but this is just so sad all around.  I think people are misinterpreting the Prophets like Hosea and misunderstanding the true meaning of it.  It was symbolism representing Israel and not necessarily word we should expect a wrapped gift of a man to land in our laps.  We have to keep our eyes open.  

I suspect another problem.  We often are lacking in knowing where to get help before and during a marriage.  We cannot leave it up to G-d and expect Him to perform miracles all day long.  Why, then, are we in this journey?  He gives us strength for the journey - implying we work through it.  It would be nice if G-d regularly performed these miracles of spouses but more often than not, people in good marriages married the imperfect and worked it all out for the better of the couplehood. 

I think I've mentioned it before, but a rabbi said that G-d does announce your perfect match days before your birth but that it's not guaranteed you will find said person and marry him/her.  Therefore, whoever you marry is your perfect match at that time and that you should work on your relationship.  G-d knows who we will end up with, whether for good or bad.  If we keep vigil and select a person with the qualities we will not sacrifice on, we stand a better chance.  If we work on ourselves and learn how to sacrifice in justice (egality is a must) with our spouses, we could have a lovely marriage.


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## MonPetite (Dec 22, 2011)

..................


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 22, 2011)

This thread wasn't started to frighten, or even "tear down" as one poster said but its to just inform and get different views on this issue. I personally have learn somethings from this thread. I just hope it can enlighten people on what are some issues that are facing the Christian marriages. I believe the ladies have shared some insight on what a marriage may face. Some ladies have speculated on what may be a issue in a marriage, which is great as well...so i hope to hear more from this thread


carry on


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## Laela (Dec 22, 2011)

There is always Hope... If you look at marriages in the Bible, they were culturally based, much like today.  In biblical marriages, despite the flaws of the couples involved and what transpired, God had a plan.  So I don't believe we can 'mess up' God's plans for us. Afterall He is the all-knowing God. He would work even our mistakes into his plan. Sometimes He allows us to go through certain tests, not for His benefit but for ours.
Here's some links that are great studies on marriage:



The Honeymoon Is Over - The Story of Adam and Eve
Yes, My Lord— The Story of Abraham and Sarah
Talk to Me -  The Story of Isaac and Rebekah
Never Satisfied! - The Story of Jacob and Rachel
Two to Get Ready— The Story of Boaz and Ruth
Caught in the Tempter’s Trap—The Story of David and Bathsheba
My Way— The Story of Ahab and Jezebel
Undying Love— The Story of Hosea and Gomer
For Such a Time as This— The Story of Ahasuerus and Esther
Impossible Things Do Happen— The Story of Zacharias and Elizabeth
Do You Trust Me?— The Story of Joseph and Mary
Be Honest— The Story of Ananias and Sapphira
Side by Side— The Story of Aquila and Priscilla



LittleGoldenLamb said:


> Threads like this frighten something deep within me about the state of the Church and my own hope for spending my life with a godly man. Can we not get something, ONE THING, right as the Body?


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## LucieLoo12 (Dec 22, 2011)

So true I believe that marriages can be ordained God, but when they hit a rocky patch they feel "this cant be God because if it was God, I wouldnt have to go through this"...We feel that God is only associated with good and not evil. Like Job said "Should I only receive good and not evil from the Lord"? We feel when we have good things "Man this must be God", but when bad things come we say "This cant be God"...but alot of times the bad stuff is God, its just God want to get some glory.


I hear alot of couples say marriage is a ministry. And I truly believe that. So that ministry has to be tested and proven. But its through the testing and proving stage that people give up and call it quits. Every ministry has to be tried and if anyone think that the devil gone sit back and let them live a happy and save marriage and the devil not gone bring trouble, they crazy.People walk into marriages expecting the good times and not preparing for the bad times that will come

 Like my pastor say, if you are "alive" when you get married, you gone have some problems..he says you have to be dead to self.


Just an thought


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## Sarophina (Dec 22, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> I can think of a couple of examples. One is with a woman who had a traveling *preaching ministry*. Her husband was also a minister. She had a website and video on Youtube about how God specifically told her that this was her husband, how their marriage came to be, etc. It was all very inspiring. Well, she kind of disappeared for a while, and more recently I learned that she and her husband have divorced. No explanation was given other than that God took her family away from her because she idolized her husband and children and that God treats prophets more strictly.
> 
> Another example is a couple who wrote for a Christian magazine. Their entire romance unfolded through published articles. I remember one where she talked about receiving a sign from God that her husband was the one. A few years later they divorced--she said he was emotionally abusive,* she left the faith,* and all their articles were removed from the Christian website without a word. I only know the backstory because we have a mutual friend.
> 
> Both of those stories bothered me because in both cases because I had found the stories originally to be very inspiring. They talked so much about how it was God who brought them together, and how they received a clear word from God that this was His will; but if that's so, then how could it have ended in divorce? I think it's possible for people to mess up something that is ordained of God; but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things. There are lots of unbelievers who manage to keep their marriages together. Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.



I think in the two examples you gave the spirit that directed them was not of God. I too have heard people say "God told me" and they were lying/deceived. I can't believe every testimony or story. But, rather I test it against the word of God.

In the first example, the woman should not be preaching in the first place (1 Co 14:33). She's out of spiritual order. So, I'm not sure how closely she walks with God and what spirit she is heeding to.

In the second example, if she left the faith, the bible says she was never one of us to begin with. So, the spirit that directed her was *not *of the Holy God.

I definitely believe God can directly lead a person to their future spouse. Yes, there are stories that are contrary based on people believing their flesh is the voice of God. But, I can definitely name countless more stories where people were directly lead to their spouse by God Himself.


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## curlyninjagirl (Dec 22, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> This thread wasn't started to frighten, or even *"tear down" as one poster* said but its to just inform and get different views on this issue. I personally have learn somethings from this thread. I just hope it can enlighten people on what are some issues that are facing the Christian marriages. I believe the ladies have shared some insight on what a marriage may face. Some ladies have speculated on what may be a issue in a marriage, which is great as well...so i hope to hear more from this thread
> 
> 
> carry on


 
I just wanted to clarify, just in case, that I was speaking generally about mankind as a whole.


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## Guitarhero (Dec 23, 2011)

Could it have been that the persons in the two examples thought with certainty they were actually hearing from G-d and not deceiving themselves?  That they thought that  G-d would honor their prayer for unity and permanence of that relationship but were overlooking character flaws that eventually destroyed the union?  It's one thing to think you're hearing from G-d and it's totally another to deceive.  This is the tricky part.  Are you not in the "spirit of G-d" when you trust He will deliver what you pray for?  We have a large part of responsibility in our relationships and there are no magic spiritual bullets to sustain them.  For this reason, we are even called to counsel. 

Don't get me wrong, G-d is the author of miracles and I absolutely know that.  But we're partners of sorts in the creation of this world in the sense that we carry out His work and will.  It's an on-going process and our work doesn't finish until death.  Maybe this is what we miss regarding G-d leading spouses our way.  We either miss the opportunity by looking for something better, neglect the one we've accepted or misunderstood that X-person was not for us.  It's a hard call...even harder walk.  And I think that the two examples Nicola gave truly believed they were in G-d's will.  

Question:  How do we know?  We check scripture and abide by His laws...and still mess it us.


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## MonPetite (Dec 23, 2011)

..........................


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## Rainbow Dash (Dec 23, 2011)

LittleGoldenLamb said:


> To clarify: I don't believe this thread was meant to frighten anyone and I've grown up hearing the knowledge in this thread. *My parents, still married, have fought through what would've brought them to divorce (several times) to emerge on the other side together, marriage intact.* It's just still disheartening. Why are we as a group getting it so, so, wrong --despite the HS' help? What can we do to begin fixing it within the next generation/young folks like myself?


 
LittleGoldenLamb
I love that your parents fought for their marriage and are still together. It's testimonies like this, that we need to hear about. People can see that some still made it even though they struggled. This example can be helpful for the next generation. *How do you think your parents made it through?  What did each person do in order to keep the marriage together (if you don't mind sharing)?*


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## MonPetite (Dec 23, 2011)

............................


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## aribell (Dec 23, 2011)

LittleGoldenLamb said:


> Threads like this frighten something deep within me about the state of the Church and my own hope for spending my life with a godly man. Can we not get something, ONE THING, right as the Body?



Your hope is in God, not man, not even a Christian man, nor the Church generally.  Our Lord makes deserts blossom...but only for those who trust in Him alone.  This is not a criticism, only encouragement to keep looking higher and know that of you are in sync with God's will, everything He plans for you will come to fruition in your life.  

Sent from my LS670 using LS670


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## Mis007 (Dec 23, 2011)

LittleGoldenLamb said:


> Threads like this frighten something deep within me about the state of the Church and my own hope for spending my life with a godly man. Can we not get something, ONE THING, right as the Body?


 
I see where your coming from, it doesn't help when we are hearing more than ever about the messy marrriage lives of Pastors. How can a pastor preach against sin and admonish me about living a pure life, yet is guilty of the very things that he teaches against.


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## Mis007 (Dec 23, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Your hope is in God, not man, not even a Christian man, nor the Church generally. Our Lord makes deserts blossom...but only for those who trust in Him alone. This is not a criticism, only encouragement to keep looking higher and know that of you are in sync with God's will, everything He plans for you will come to fruition in your life.
> 
> Sent from my LS670 using LS670


 
 The Bible provide a standard for all of us to live by? None is saying that we are without flaws, but there is a standard that's demanded by God for us to meet.


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## Shimmie (Dec 23, 2011)

Mis007 said:


> I see where your coming from, it doesn't help when we are hearing more than ever about the messy marrriage lives of Pastors. How can a pastor preach against sin and admonish me about living a pure life, yet is guilty of the very things that he teaches against.



Don't give up hope and trust...  God hears your heart and will prove that He is still the one in control of it all.


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## Mis007 (Dec 23, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> Don't give up hope and trust... God hears your heart and will prove that He is still the one in control of it all.


 
Shimmie, I definitely respect that answer


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