# Christian Men, Dating, & Initiating - Whats the Deal??



## Raspberry (Jun 22, 2009)

Ok, so I've never dated a Christian man but I've been hanging out with a bunch of Christian guys lately (interesting story how God brought them into my life).  But two of them in particular are close friends - one I am very much drawn to and his good friend who seems attracted to me.  The one who likes me throws hints but I haven't encouraged him.. 

We all hang out like once a week doing very platonic 4-H club activities lol - watching movies, playing ultimate frisbee, goin to cook-outs, etc.  The one I like invites me to hang out with him and his friends the most..

I was convinced that the one I like wasn't feelin me but lately he's been throwing vibes too... he also knows his friend likes me.  Either way, neither of them is making a real move which is frustrating.  

Now I've been getting the  impression that I'm supposed to be the main one giving signals and making moves..  I don't know what to do about this .. where do these expectations come from?  And more importantly what am I supposed to do?  erplexed  I'm torn between not wanting to do all the work or be too forward, or flirt more and get the ball rolling.. which is not my normal personality - I tend to be laid back and neutral with my body language, which is probably why I'm comfortable around a lot of guys.

So help me out, who has experience dating Christian men.. I'm new to this, am I missing something?


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## nomoweavesfome (Jun 22, 2009)

oh yes - I have experience here -in fact I married one.  
#1 Be yourself - if you know that being overt is not your personality as far as getting th eball rolling then don't do it.  In fact, a real Christian man will not want you to do that.  He believes that he is supposed to find the woman and pursue and believe you me he WILL tell you. Keep in mind maturity is going to play a role here too naturally and spiritually.Men are also by nature competitive which can also explain the moves lately, but if you are hot - hey your'e hot and that could be it too!    Just take it easy and one day at a time.  You'll know in time where things are heading.  Don't forget to pray about your feelings too.


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## Raspberry (Jun 22, 2009)

nomoweavesfome said:


> oh yes - I have experience here -in fact I married one.
> #1 Be yourself - if you know that being overt is not your personality as far as getting th eball rolling then don't do it.  In fact, a real Christian man will not want you to do that.  He believes that he is supposed to find the woman and pursue and believe you me he WILL tell you. Keep in mind maturity is going to play a role here too naturally and spiritually.Men are also by nature competitive which can also explain the moves lately, but if you are hot - hey your'e hot and that could be it too!    Just take it easy and one day at a time.  You'll know in time where things are heading.  Don't forget to pray about your feelings too.



Thanks for the advice 

I like to hope most Christian men today know their role as leaders and pursuers, but I'm not sure honestly   But you're right, I shouldn't force anything or become someone I am not to get a reaction...

And yea things are moving very slowww (I've known these guys for 6 months now)...which is definitely good in getting to know a man's character, but of course it's a lot different than dating non-Christian guys where intentions are pretty clear and the physical is such a huge factor in moving things along.

I do get the impression that they find me physically attractive - which is good because all this diet restriction and slaving away at the gym isn't for nuthin 

I have to pray about my feelings a lot to avoid intense female over-analyzing  .. it definitely helps to calm my mind and just enjoy fellowship with these guys without high expectations.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 22, 2009)

Definitely agree with Nom. I didnt understand it at first. After having a guy pursue me, I understand why we should let them get the ball rolling. Its a completely different dymanic. 

Plus, you already willing hang with them alot it seems so just wait and dont stress about it. When he's ready (key word ready), he'll express interest. 

Of course, there's nothing wrong with showing interest (I use that word lightly), but if your nature is relaxed then dont do it. They'll know its fake.


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## Raspberry (Jun 23, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Definitely agree with Nom. I didnt understand it at first. After having a guy pursue me, I understand why we should let them get the ball rolling. *Its a completely different dymanic. *
> 
> Plus, you already willing hang with them alot it seems so just wait and dont stress about it. When he's ready (key word ready), he'll express interest.



Yea girl, it's definitely taken some getting used to ... non-Christian guys tend to be a lot more forceful.

Sometimes I get bored/frustrated messin around with these dudes and I'm tempted to focus on some cute guys I've been noticing at my church lately but I haven't felt peace about doin that.  God has definitely been teaching me a lot through this situation.. not just dating related either...  I've grown spiritually while being exposed to these guys and their church family.


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## Shimmie (Jun 23, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Ok, so I've never dated a Christian man but I've been hanging out with a bunch of Christian guys lately (interesting story how God brought them into my life). But two of them in particular are close friends - one I am very much drawn to and his good friend who seems attracted to me. The one who likes me throws hints but I haven't encouraged him..
> 
> We all hang out like once a week doing very platonic 4-H club activities lol - watching movies, playing ultimate frisbee, goin to cook-outs, etc. The one I like invites me to hang out with him and his friends the most..
> 
> ...


Before I  share thiis, please  be prayerful and mindful that you are not a contestant on the 'Bachlorette'.   You have 'class and refinement', that the world has yet to define.   You are a beautiful _Vessel of the Lord_ with a rich treasure of Virtue.    

I'm telling you  -- 'first' -- this for a reason, so that you do not 'sell out'.   The temptation is disguised to get you off track between these two men, because one of these men is going to begin to slip away.

Take some time out from both of these men.   Just do it.  Cut them off for a few days, and then shut down for at least 3 days of fasting and prayer with the Lord.   

Sounds like Drastic measures, doesn't it?     I mean it's only two men and why such drastic actions to choose between the two.  The measures are drastic and they well should be. 

How is it that the men whom we are drawn to, are the men not so drawn to us?   And visa vice'a versa.   The men drawn to us, we are not so drawn to them? 

I'll tell you a secret.   Even once you have the answer, you will still want the attentions of both of these men.    

And please don't ask me how I know.  

Tell me what you read between the lines of my post.  

I'll give you a one word answer: 


"Security"...


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## Raspberry (Jun 23, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Before I  share thiis, please  be prayerful and mindful that you are not a contestant on the 'Bachlorette'.   You have 'class and refinement', that the world has yet to define.   You are a beautiful _Vessel of the Lord_ with a rich treasure of Virtue.
> 
> I'm telling you  -- 'first' -- this for a reason, so that you do not 'sell out'.   The temptation is disguised to get you off track between these two men, because one of these men is going to begin to slip away.
> 
> ...



Thanks Shimmie, I hear you.. the ego is definitely a factor in the mating/dating game.  We all like to be admired - well at least I do..  However I've always known which guy I want and the other guy, tho very cool, was unexpected ... but I'm not worried about that part anymore.  I believe God showed me this man in a vision before I met him - but I didn't mention that part because I didn't want to come off like one of those pressed "God told you to be my huzzband" types.  But it is what it is, and this situation is teaching me that God's ways are not our ways and that everything is truely a learning experience.  

So even tho the other guy is not my focus, I know what you mean about liking/wanting the attention of men you're not even feeling.. maybe it's a natural human thing.  I'll get over it tho I'm sure, I'm an all or nothing kinda gal with very focused passions.

I do take time away from them sometimes - letting a couple weeks go in between hanging out with them or attending their bible study.  You gotta let them wonder about _you_ sometimes (sadly it works).


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## JinaRicci (Jun 23, 2009)

Huh?  Christian or not, they are still men and need to man up.  
yes-that's frustrating but who do you really like & what is God saying to you about them?  If He is saying 'No', then please just move on.

ETA:  If you believe God showed you this man in a vision, then pray some more until you're sure.


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## Shimmie (Jun 23, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Thanks Shimmie, I hear you.. the ego is definitely a factor in the mating/dating game. We all like to be admired - well at least I do.. However I've always known which guy I want and the other guy, tho very cool, was unexpected ... but I'm not worried about that part anymore. I believe God showed me this man in a vision before I met him - but I didn't mention that part because I didn't want to come off like one of those pressed "God told you to be my huzzband" types. But it is what it is, and this situation is teaching me that God's ways are not our ways and that everything is truely a learning experience.
> 
> So even tho the other guy is not my focus, I know what you mean about liking/wanting the attention of men you're not even feeling.. maybe it's a natural human thing. I'll get over it tho I'm sure, I'm an all or nothing kinda gal with very focused passions.
> 
> I do take time away from them sometimes - letting a couple weeks go in between hanging out with them or attending their bible study. You gotta let them wonder about _you_ sometimes (sadly it works).


I don't see you as having an 'ego', which is why I said this and I will say it again, this is exactly how I perceive you and by the Spirit of God...

Don't ever let go of these words...

_You are not a contestant on the 'Bachlorette'. You have 'class and refinement', that the world has yet to define. You are a beautiful Vessel of the Lord with a rich treasure of Virtue._ 

Many times God shows us the man that we should be 'careful' of.  It's happened to me.  I've had visions of men whom I thought were going to be 'him'.  But I learned that the Lord was forewarning me of someone that I would have 'feelings' for and to be on guard, because he was 'not' the one.   

I got so 'caught up' in the vision of him, that I went overboard and wasted a lot of time, 'waiting on him' to change his mind and change his ways.... God was telling me no, all along.  The vision of this man was God's handwriting on the wall (as in the book of Daniel); it was as the dream that Joseph (while in prison) interpreted for Pharoah, as a warning of a coming famine in the land.    

You will know if this man begins to 'slip' away.  If he does, please let him go and allow God to bring in the real 'him' and not the counterfeit.   I learned this the hard way.   

I learned to take this as an honor from God, for He has been training us 'who can take the lessons', to build us up in His most Holy Faith.   Look at the blessings of this.  When your 'real' husband comes, you will not only know, but so will he.  And there's more to this gift.  You will have been trained to recognize the counterfeits that satan tries to use for distractions, and you will be ready to recognize what's real and what's not in an 'instant' and you will be your husband's armour bearer, warding off the enemy in knowing when, how, what to pray at any given time.  

Hubby may think, turn left, but instantly you will know... keep straight, it's not time to turn.  And this applies to any given situation during and along your path of life and God's fulfillment of your Destiny.  

Raspberry, watch what God is doing in you.  You will not be disappointed nor denied your dreams of love and marriage.   Watch.   If this man of your vision, begins to slip away, let him slip and move on with God.   For if this man be of God for you, he will make haste and run after you, and love you for his wife forever and ever... Amen.   

Remember...

_You are not a contestant on the 'Bachlorette'. You have 'class and refinement', that the world has yet to define. You are a beautiful Vessel of the Lord with a rich treasure of Virtue.  :Rose: _

I see absolutely nothing about ego in you and neither does God.  As women, we just don't like being 'alone' sometimes, without the wonderful company of men.  Men are  just so nice to have around...they make everything around us, feel so secure.  And when we sense them 'slipping' away, we often times, compromise ourselves, to keep them around. 

So should this 'vision' man begin to slip...

Watch God and follow His lead...you won't have to 'wonder' who he is.


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## Raspberry (Jun 23, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> I don't see you as having an 'ego', which is why I said this and I will say it again, this is exactly how I perceive you and by the Spirit of God...
> 
> Don't ever let go of these words...
> 
> _You are not a contestant on the 'Bachlorette'. You have 'class and refinement', that the world has yet to define. You are a beautiful Vessel of the Lord with a rich treasure of Virtue._



Thank you for these words Shimmie 



Shimmie said:


> Many times God shows us the man that we should be 'careful' of.  It's happened to me.  I've had visions of men whom I thought were going to be 'him'.  But I learned that the Lord was forewarning me of someone that I would have 'feelings' for and to be on guard, because he was 'not' the one.
> 
> I got so 'caught up' in the vision of him, that I went overboard and wasted a lot of time, 'waiting on him' to change his mind and change his ways.... God was telling me no, all along.  The vision of this man was God's handwriting on the wall (as in the book of Daniel); it was as the dream that Joseph (while in prison) interpreted for Pharoah, as a warning of a coming famine in the land.
> 
> You will know if this man begins to 'slip' away.  If he does, please let him go and allow God to bring in the real 'him' and not the counterfeit.   I learned this the hard way.



He hasn't slipped away.. he's actually been drawing closer.  And no, God has not told me "no" - I have asked many times that if I'm wrong to let me know because I will let it go.  I want God's best.. I'm not into wasting time.  However, you're reminding me that I am slow to trust what I hear/see from God at times.  It is easier to doubt and say "you never know" than to walk in faith.  I guess I feel like I don't want to look foolish to others but that's fear, not faith - I shouldn't downplay what God speaks to me.



Shimmie said:


> I learned to take this as an honor from God, for He has been training us 'who can take the lessons', to build us up in His most Holy Faith.   Look at the blessings of this.  When your 'real' husband comes, you will not only know, but so will he.  And there's more to this gift.  You will have been trained to recognize the counterfeits that satan tries to use for distractions, and you will be ready to recognize what's real and what's not in an 'instant' and you will be your husband's armour bearer, warding off the enemy in knowing when, how, what to pray at any given time.



Not that I don't agree to you to a certain extent, but God works in many ways to bring a couple together.  Not everyone is absolutely sure of who they are destined to be with the minute they meet.  I've known Christian couples who were friends for years before they saw each other as mates, or didn't even like each other for a while,  or some where one knew and the other didn't until the time was right.. sometimes folks have things to work through before they can receive a particular blessing.  It would be great if every couple knew exactly who the 'one' was when they laid eyes on them, but I've known many Christian couples where it didn't work out like that. 



Shimmie said:


> Raspberry, watch what God is doing in you.  You will not be disappointed nor denied your dreams of love and marriage.   Watch.   If this man of your vision, begins to slip away, let him slip and move on with God.   For if this man be of God for you, he will make haste and run after you, and love you for his wife forever and ever... Amen.



I agree 



Shimmie said:


> I see absolutely nothing about ego in you and neither does God.  As women, we just don't like being 'alone' sometimes, without the wonderful company of men.  Men are  just so nice to have around...they make everything around us, feel so secure.  And when we sense them 'slipping' away, we often times, compromise ourselves, to keep them around.
> 
> So should this 'vision' man begin to slip...
> 
> Watch God and follow His lead...you won't have to 'wonder' who he is.



I don't wonder at all who he is - I just have been afraid to speak firmly about it and I feel convicted about my lack of trust in God. 

I'm actually someone who finds it easy to be alone - it's being vulnerable that is a problem with me.  I have often wanted to withdraw from this situation out of fear of rejection or hurt, but I've sensed that is a wrong mindset to have.  I believe God has been teaching me to trust Him with my vulnerabilities, that he is works everything out for my good and that he will catch me if/when I fall and that I have nothing to fear.


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## luvn_life (Jun 24, 2009)

......................................


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## Shimmie (Jun 24, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> Thank you for these words Shimmie
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Keep us posted on this.      I wish you so much joy and happiness and that you will have total clarity in this and no futher days / moments of 'wondering'  'is he is, or is he ain't your baby...  

God bless you. precious one.  I want you to know that I don't doubt you, not at all.   If nothing more, I believe in you.  Please forgive me if I appear a little 'protective' for you regarding this situation.  For some reason, I've taken you into my prayers as my little sister.   

Keep your options 'open' while _he's _deciding to make a sure move.  

One thing I know about 'Church Men' and those who stall (not all, but most)... On one hand they 'know' that they are 'few in number and have more options than 'Church women and they 'play' on this.  They are in a 'candy store' with treats galore and they want to sample it all. 

Not necessarily to hurt anyone, but they know that they have the options of slowing down and choosing, as opposed to most of the women.    I see this a lot.  They'll show interest then out of no where, slip out of the picture.    There's something in my 'craw' about this guy in your situation.   He better not be playing games.     

I have an older friend, who is still hanging on to this 'man' that God showed her and it's been 22 years !!!!!   He's given her bait lines and crumbs here and there,, and she felt these were 'signs' -----  Ha! I don't think so.    

This woman knows God and yet still believes that this man is the man.      Now that scares the mess out of me. All of those years wasted.    Even 22 minutes is too long.  

I've seen this happen often, and I get so many prayer requests with situations like these.    No woman should have to 'wait' for any man to do anything, except wait for her.   I want to see woman happy in this life, not hanging on to a vision.     

No matter what, I want you to have the best man that is out there; if he's the one, go for it.  Just don't wait for him to get ready.   He should know by now.   If not, ask God to replace him, quick.    

All the best, Raspberry.  I truly mean this.


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## luvn_life (Jun 24, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Keep us posted on this.      I wish you so much joy and happiness and that you will have total clarity in this and no futher days / moments of 'wondering'  'is he is, or is he ain't your baby...
> 
> God bless you. precious one.  I want you to know that I don't doubt you, not at all.   If nothing more, I believe in you.  Please forgive me if I appear a little 'protective' for you regarding this situation.  For some reason, I've taken you into my prayers as my little sister.
> 
> ...



Well, well lady... Your message helped me and my situation. I have decided (not today) that I was just gonna let go and let God. He knows everything far beyond what we can comprehend in our puny little minds. If he is "the one" then it doesn't matter what you do, how or when, he is it no matter what. If not, then it doesn't matter what you do, how or when, he isn't it no matter what.  I will definitely not sit around 22 dang years. But, it's so easy to get wrapped up and forget that you wasted that many years. So just go on with your life and he will come around or not. Either way you will be blessed.


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## Shimmie (Jun 24, 2009)

kyna323 said:


> Well, well lady... Your message helped me and my situation. I have decided (not today) that I was just gonna let go and let God. He knows everything far beyond what we can comprehend in our puny little minds. If he is "the one" then it doesn't matter what you do, how or when, he is it no matter what. If not, then it doesn't matter what you do, how or when, he isn't it no matter what. I will definitely not sit around 22 dang years. But, it's so easy to get wrapped up and forget that you wasted that many years. So just go on with your life and he will come around or not. Either way you will be blessed.


I've taken you into my prayers as well, as if you are my little sister.  

I would never want to 'step' upon or interfere with anyone's Word from the Lord or their Dreams upon which they are standing in faith for.   My heart aches to see anyone's faith trampled upon.    But it aches even more for women who 'wait' on some of these men who 'know' full well, that they have no intentions of being real with her.   

Not all men purposely do this, I know more good men than those who are fools.   But it's always that set number of 'players' that just mess it up and it's a lesson well learned.   And to be fair, there are women who mess around too, with men's feelings when they know a man likes them or shows an interest in them.   

But there's a limit to waiting...period.   This ain't Abraham and Sarah waiting for Isaac to arrive.   Isaac is dead and gone, hence we move on.  I don't need  a sack of potatoes to fall on my head only to realize the sack is empty.   All the while, he kept my potatoes and made french fries with someone else.   

Deep down, we as women, we 'know'     We know when the 'waiting' is a game and not of God.   We know.    Too often we try to 'change' it, hanging onto every 'nudge' that it moves.   Yet... 'we know'.  

kyna, I wish you every blessing in life there is including a marriage made in Heaven with the Rightest Man here on earth who will 'run' highways and byways, and bridges and mountains just to say, he loves you; that he'll never keep you waiting.


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## Raspberry (Jun 24, 2009)

I keep getting interrupted by co-workers whenever I try to reply this thread - how dare they mess with my LHCF time lol .. I'll be back.


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## Bunny77 (Jun 24, 2009)

Raspberry said:


> I keep getting interrupted by co-workers whenever I try to reply this thread - how dare they mess with my LHCF time lol .. I'll be back.



Hi... let me get back to you and this thread... need to read and think some more!


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 24, 2009)

Always true Shimmie.

We women know. We just hope for something to change. And its often the walking away that changes the situation but by that time its too late. 



Shimmie said:


> I've taken you into my prayers as well, as if you are my little sister.
> 
> I would never want to 'step' upon or interfere with anyone's Word from the Lord or their Dreams upon which they are standing in faith for. My heart aches to see anyone's faith trampled upon. But it aches even more for women who 'wait' on some of these men who 'know' full well, that they have no intentions of being real with her.
> 
> ...


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## Raspberry (Jun 24, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Keep us posted on this.      I wish you so much joy and happiness and that you will have total clarity in this and no futher days / moments of 'wondering'  'is he is, or is he ain't your baby...
> 
> God bless you. precious one.  I want you to know that I don't doubt you, not at all.   If nothing more, I believe in you.  Please forgive me if I appear a little 'protective' for you regarding this situation.  For some reason, I've taken you into my prayers as my little sister.



Thanks for your kind words and prayers Shimmie  .  I understand your protective stance because us women do tend to get caught up in emotional mindsets when it comes to men.  



Shimmie said:


> Keep your options 'open' while _he's _deciding to make a sure move.
> 
> One thing I know about 'Church Men' and those who stall (not all, but most)... On one hand they 'know' that they are 'few in number and have more options than 'Church women and they 'play' on this.  They are in a 'candy store' with treats galore and they want to sample it all.
> 
> Not necessarily to hurt anyone, but they know that they have the options of slowing down and choosing, as opposed to most of the women.    I see this a lot.  They'll show interest then out of no where, slip out of the picture.    There's something in my 'craw' about this guy in your situation.   He better not be playing games.


This is true, though when I bring this up to Christian men I know they usually get annoyed and say it's not that simple and how hard it is for them to find a woman they are compatible with. *plays violin*

Honestly I don't see this guy as playing games, he's not the flirty type and seems very conscious of his conduct towards women.  His only crime is that he wasn't showing interest in me as quick as I wanted him to lol.  That's changing but my life hasn't been put on hold and those guys and their friends and church family have provided a lot of fun and fellowship that was desperately needed in my life, so it wasn't just about me trying to be in his face.  I knew God had brought him into my life for a good purpose but you know we wanna rush things...



Shimmie said:


> I have an older friend, who is still hanging on to this 'man' that God showed her and it's been 22 years !!!!!   He's given her bait lines and crumbs here and there,, and she felt these were 'signs' -----  Ha! I don't think so.



Wow that's crazy... that really couldn't be me, I have too much pride to deal with a guy who's "just not that into me" for too long.  He would have been put on ignore at some point lol.  I can't imagine that level of frustration, I can't believe she didn't develop feelings for someone else in all that time.



Shimmie said:


> I've seen this happen often, and I get so many prayer requests with situations like these.    No woman should have to 'wait' for any man to do anything, except wait for her.   I want to see woman happy in this life, not hanging on to a vision.



I hear you... I don't think dating and courting are always cut and dry situations, every woman has to be clear on her goals and what she will and not tolerate - I guess the one clear rule is that each party involved should be acting according to the Word and not acting selfishly.   All of us have differerent pasts, expectations, and dating histories.  For example this guy is divorced and may not have been ready to pursue anything before he was sure or may be working through past hurts.  I had my own mental/emotional baggage from from following a sinful mindset in the past and have had to work through that.

I'm the type who's usually waiting for a guy to "mess up" so I can have a reason to shut him out emotionally.  As I mature I'm learning not to put up walls so quick.  



Shimmie said:


> No matter what, I want you to have the best man that is out there; if he's the one, go for it.  Just don't wait for him to get ready.   He should know by now.   If not, ask God to replace him, quick.



Indeed


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## Shimmie (Jun 24, 2009)

Ladies, we may disagree on topics and issues, and that's just plain life.  I don't always like the same dress and cutie sandals that I was in love with and had to buy 3 weeks ago.  

Yet, with all of my heart, I will always be in agreement with your love and happiness with the man that God has called to be your husbands.    I don't ever want anyone in here to hurt ever again. due to 'stalled' or unrequited love relationships.  

In the name of Jesus, I proclaim the Peace and Love of the Lord Jesus Christ to have and to take full reign over the hearts and lives over everyone here, reading this prayer.   I praise God that for all of the love you've given, that each of you will receive it multiplied times one thousand and beyond, by a man who loves you far above and beyond any other woman, past, present or future.   No other woman can move you from out of his heart, his life, neither stop you from being his wife.  

I pray and rejoice with each of you, that all that is needed for you to be happily married, and to be debt free, a fear free, and I'm gonna say it... 'disease free', that you will indeed be endued with it.   The true healing of life is upon and dwells within each and every one of you.   

Let the past be what it is, the past.  Let the love of God be what it is, His love which heals all that has ever been broken in your lives and in the lives of your husbands.   

I believe for and with each and everyone of you, that love abounds in your lives and that you will always be your husbands, sweet baby.  That you sit far above and high above the rest.  

I thank God there there will be NO counterfeits, no regrets, no embellishments of love and life's purity.   No coverups, just the natural beauty of what life and love is and will always be.  

God is pulling the feet of your husbands, from out of the mud, and they will drag their feet no more, but move in haste, and no longer time will they waste, in giving their love and making it made known unto you.

Lord, forgive and overlook my typos, for it's the heart of this prayer that rings true, and the heart of this prayer and the fruit thereof bears no expiration.  For Marriages present, Marriages future, this prayer is sealed with promise.    In Jesus' Name, Amen and Amen.


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## BeautifulFlower (Jun 25, 2009)

Thank you beautiful Shimmie for this prayer...I needed it.



Shimmie said:


> Ladies, we may disagree on topics and issues, and that's just plain life. I don't always like the same dress and cutie sandals that I was in love with and had to buy 3 weeks ago.
> 
> Yet, with all of my heart, I will always be in agreement with your love and happiness with the man that God has called to be your husbands. I don't ever want anyone in here to hurt ever again. due to 'stalled' or unrequited love relationships.
> 
> ...


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## Raspberry (Jun 25, 2009)

So what constitutes waiting in the romance arena, and when does waiting become a bad thing?  

I've heard  stories of women who were crushin on a guy in some church group for years and decided to cultivate friendships with the men while being patient and praying over the situation.  The men eventually noticed them (got it together lol) and they got married..  That seems a bit much for me all that watching and waiting - you gotta have strong faith and self-esteem for all that - but it worked out for them


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## Laela (Jun 25, 2009)

Hi, Rasberry,

I think waiting becomes a bad thing if a couple of Believers is "involved" (i.e., having sex or possibly living together, etc.,) and _want _to stay together but are not planning to become one in the eyes of God (honor him) anytime soon. 

If they know they'll be together, why not get married instead of keeping one foot in, another out? Why not do the right thing?  The book of Corinthians clearly addresses why we should avoid fornication -- because it is a sin against the body, which is the Temple of the Holy Ghost:

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

1 Corinthians 7:2
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

This is why I believe premarital counseling is good..it helps reveal the core issues that a couple cannot see for themselves to help them with the decision to marry or go their separate ways.



Raspberry said:


> So what constitutes waiting in the romance arena, and when does waiting become a bad thing?
> 
> I've heard  stories of women who were crushin on a guy in some church group for years and decided to cultivate friendships with the men while being patient and praying over the situation.  The men eventually noticed them (got it together lol) and they got married..  That seems a bit much for me all that watching and waiting - you gotta have strong faith and self-esteem for all that - but it worked out for them


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## music-bnatural-smile (Jun 26, 2009)

hmmm...
"Christian" guys are BORING and fake... 
SAVED men are AMAZING... especially if they are real and transparent and every bit of the man God wants them to be... and you will be so attracted to the right one that you will want to burst! it will be hot and fulfilling and natural... and when I say it I mean the vibe ;-)


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## Raspberry (Jun 27, 2009)

Laela said:


> Hi, Rasberry,
> 
> I think waiting becomes a bad thing if a couple of Believers is "involved" (i.e., having sex or possibly living together, etc.,) and _want _to stay together but are not planning to become one in the eyes of God (honor him) anytime soon.
> 
> ...



Thanks Laela  ... I was referring to waiting in the context of women trying to get a specific man's attention but your advice is very sound too.

I definitely agree that a believer should not wait indefinitely to get married because the sex drive is real.. I'm glad that premarital counseling is becoming more standard for a lot of Christians, I know that will be a must for me before I get married..

I must admit that sometimes it saddens me to hear of many Christian women being single and celibate for years, even decades (Keep in mind I know that sometimes sex isn't possible for a types of reasons - being widowed, divorced, illness, etc.).  Yes, God can make joyful living possible in every circumstance but not every woman knows how to achieve or maintain that mindset.  It does seem like all this talk of singleness is a coping mechanism for dysfunctional circumstances rather than the ideal.


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## Raspberry (Jun 27, 2009)

music-bnatural-smile said:


> hmmm...
> "Christian" guys are BORING and fake...
> SAVED men are AMAZING... *especially if they are real and transparent and every bit of the man God wants them to be... and you will be so attracted to the right one that you will want to burst! it will be hot and fulfilling and natural*... and when I say it I mean the vibe ;-)



I definitely agree 

I haven't been around enough Christian men in a personal way to differentiate between "Christian" and "saved" in the way you're talking about... care to elaborate?   In the circles I'm in either a man is sincerely pursuing the Lord  or he can't be bothered with the whole thing at all.


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## Laela (Jun 27, 2009)

Oh, sorry.. I read it a different way; thanks for the clarification. Single Believers can survive 'burning' and live right..anything is possible with Christ.

But not everyone can. Though when two people marry, they are still single. I don't buy that "better half" nonsense..why would God give me half a man? LOL.. 

There's this great book by Myles Munroe that my husband got when he was single that's really great for those who want to explore human rlps: _Single, Married, Separated, Life After Divorce_... I highly recommend this book to any Believer who is dating or looking to marry!


Stay blessed!


Raspberry said:


> Thanks Laela  ... I was referring to waiting in the context of women trying to get a specific man's attention but your advice is very sound too.
> 
> I definitely agree that a believer should not wait indefinitely to get married because the sex drive is real.. I'm glad that premarital counseling is becoming more standard for a lot of Christians, I know that will be a must for me before I get married..
> 
> I must admit that sometimes it saddens me to hear of many Christian women being single and celibate for years, even decades (Keep in mind I know that sometimes sex isn't possible for a types of reasons - being widowed, divorced, illness, etc.).  Yes, God can make joyful living possible in every circumstance but not every woman knows how to achieve or maintain that mindset.  It does seem like all this talk of singleness is a coping mechanism for dysfunctional circumstances rather than the ideal.


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## aribell (Jan 9, 2010)

Rereading this thread and the lovely prayer offered.  Just wondering...did anything ever come of this situation?


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## sidney (Jan 9, 2010)

To the OP, I googled your question and this is what I found:

http://www.adventistreview.org/article.php?id=1183

To sum up the article:

1.  Apparently they are scared 
2.  Apparently they feel it puts them at risk of being physically involved
2.  Aparrently many of them read "I kissed dating goodbye" by Josh Harris
3.  Apparently when they show interest in casual dating, women think they are candidates to become their wife

I know some christian men who date and some who are dragging their feet to...


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## Raspberry (Jan 9, 2010)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Rereading this thread and the lovely prayer offered.  Just wondering...did anything ever come of this situation?



Girl I feel some kinda way about you uppin this thread   But seriously I have a lot to say about this so I'll be back later..


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## Shimmie (Jan 9, 2010)

sidney said:


> To the OP, I googled your question and this is what I found:
> 
> http://www.adventistreview.org/article.php?id=1183
> 
> ...


 
Excellent article


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## aribell (Jan 10, 2010)

Raspberry said:


> Girl I feel some kinda way about you uppin this thread  But seriously I have a lot to say about this so I'll be back later..


 
Sorry!  You know, afterward I was like, "hmm...maybe I shouldn't have."  But it was an open thread.  I'll send a pm next time!


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## douglala (Jan 21, 2010)

I really NEEDED this....THANK YOU..



Shimmie said:


> Ladies, we may disagree on topics and issues, and that's just plain life.  I don't always like the same dress and cutie sandals that I was in love with and had to buy 3 weeks ago.
> 
> Yet, with all of my heart, I will always be in agreement with your love and happiness with the man that God has called to be your husbands.    I don't ever want anyone in here to hurt ever again. due to 'stalled' or unrequited love relationships.
> 
> ...


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