# Question about sex for the truly commited Christian woman



## aquarian1252004 (Mar 24, 2005)

I was going to say this thread is only a question for the single Christians, but I am interested in responses from married Christian women as well. We all know what the word says about pre-marital sex.  DON'T DO IT.

My question is to the ladies who are abstaining . . . how the HECK do you do it? How long have you been abstaining? Any slip ups?

To the married Christians did you and your current husband abstain before you got married? Did you slip up with him?

This includes ALL forms of sex, I know some Christians that think they can get away with oral


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## miracle (Mar 24, 2005)

*I was a virgin when I met my husband, he was not.  We dated for three years before we became engaged and then we waited a whole nother year after becoming engaged to start planning our wedding.  We both made the decision that we weren't going to sleep together until our wedding night.  But, we did slip up a few weeks before the wedding.  I kinda wish I could take that moment back because I really wanted my first experience to be with my husband, not "my husband-to-be in a couple weeks".  My husband still made our wedding night very, very special and sweet, so I was okay with it.  But I still wish they we had held out just a few weeks longer.  Right or wrong, it was one of the sweetest, most tender moments that I could have ever asked for.*


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## pebbles (Mar 24, 2005)

aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> My question is to the ladies who are abstaining . . . how the HECK do you do it? How long have you been abstaining? Any slip ups?



Prayer!! I'm telling you, it can chase away even the most insistent lust demon!  It's been 7 years and counting for me. No sex, no kissing, (because that is too exciting for me. I'd fall for sure), no oral sex, no *masturbation!* I know some people say masturbation is ok for the single Christian, but it's not. Why? Because you have to conjure up all sorts of imaginations in your mind to reach a climax, and the word clearly says that we sin in our thoughts! Was it easy when I first began this journey? Yes and no. I was coming out of a bitter divorce and I was sick of relationships, but I'm a woman and still find men very attractive. I don't want to fall into another bad relationship. Premarital sex lead me into trouble each time, so now I'm going to do it God's way. And I'm happy and free. Now if only I could excercise this sort of control over the foods I eat, I could lose this darned 15 lbs! LOL!


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## Poohbear (Mar 24, 2005)

aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> My question is to the ladies who are abstaining . . . how the HECK do you do it? How long have you been abstaining? Any slip ups?


Self-control...keeping a clear mind...patience...prayer...
I'm currently with a guy who respects me for this; he's had sex before but plans on abstaining with me (a big surprise from a guy)!  We have been together for 2 years & 3 months off and on, and we plan on getting married in the future.  We have almost went there but would stop and think about how God intends sex for marriage and see that we are worth waiting for.  Now, we do not get ourselves into those situations where we almost do it...touching, intimate kissing, nakedness....get rid of that stuff that leads into sex, stay away from the bed or places that seem like a good place to have sex, stay occupied with other things to do with your partner, and literally run away if you have to when lustful feelings come (the Bible actually advises this  ) and that should help greatly! God bless!  Hope that helps!!!


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## star (Mar 24, 2005)

*My question is to the ladies who are abstaining . . . how the HECK do you do it? How long have you been abstaining? Any slip ups?*

It gets better with time. Been celibate for about 15 years I started young serving God. Had some slips earlier in my walk but got up and got stronger ever time. Since I have been serving God since a teenager, I have been Church all my life. I think my love for Him, reading bible, *STAYING* busy with positive and Christ like things and *MOST* of all fasting and praying. Fasting and praying is what puts your body under God's subjection and it disciplines your flesh.  In our flesh we would not be able to do this but it is only through God power and love we are able to substain. Take one day at a time and detach yourself respectly for people and things that tempt you. DO NOT TEST YOURSELF. Avoid what you need to avoid and learn from every mistake. I have had every kind of powerful man come my way but I choose to walk with God and as result He put the spirit of Esther on me from Bible. I have found favor with the king(God). My life has been so, so blessed I wish I had time to tell you. But, I am truly a kept woman of God and I KNOW He has my prince for me.


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## divinefavor (Mar 24, 2005)

I have been celibate for a while now.  It was extremely hard for because I was once married and our marriage ended because of infidelity on his part.  I was so angry with God that I didn't care what the Word said I was going to do what I wanted to do.  However, that did change.

Before I made the vow to God and made up my mind that the next man who touches me would be my husband, I did slip a couple of times (well maybe more than a couple   ).  However, I didn't and could not bear the feeling/sorrowness I had afterwards.  It literally made me sick and I was tormented in the mind about it.  I knew that I had broken God's heart and I couldn't stand it.  I knew God had already forgiven me, but I had to forgive myself.  So, I made up my mind (it is a mind thing) and I chose to make a spiritually mature decision to be intimate with Him.  I believe that we can not change on our own and developing a true an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ (not just Sunday morning church) is the only way to change.  Spend time with Him in prayer, studying the Bible, talk to Him like you talk your friend.  Tell Him your feelings, ask Him to show you yourself.  Sometimes, premarital sex is not always about the sex, but something that we're lacking or have lacked since childhood (love, attention, feeling of safety, being wanted, abandonment, low self-esteem).

For a whole year from January of last year to Janaury of this year I chose not to date at all.  I really wanted to learn who I was in Christ and what His vision and purpose is for me.  I am still learning and I realize until I get busy with His business that He will not send my mate.  I plan to only date for marriage, so if I am approached by a guy I usually know from the first couple of conversations that he is not the one for me.  I know this because I've spent time with God and know what qualities He's said that my mate will have.  If a guy I have conversations with or go out to dinner with doesn't line up with what God says, then I have to cut him loose.  (I hope this makes sense).  

Don't get me wrong now, not having sex until marriage is not always easy.  Sometimes I do get sexual thoughts or have started to pick up the phone, but I quickly start praising God.  You'd be surprise how a "Hallelujah, Lord Your Wonderul thank You for Keeping Me" will remove those thoughts.   However, I also don't put myself in situations or predicaments that I know will cause me to fall.  It's different for some and different for others.  I believe that oral sex is a no no for me, because that will cause me to have sexual intercourse.  Now, I'm thinking very intimate kissing may have to be cut out for me too, because that may cause me to slip also.  I also believe that masturbation is a sin, so that's something I don't and won't do.

Think about it, wouldn't it be great on your wedding night to be able to tell your husband you are the only man who has touched me in xxx amount of time!!!   

I'm sure now that we;ve started this thread, some of us are probably going to be tested in this very thing.

Let's stay in prayer for each other on this!  I'm so glad that there's a Christian Forum to discuss these type of issues.


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## lonesomedove (Mar 24, 2005)

This is such a great thread!  I have recently "slipped up"  and have felt miserable ever since.  I have asked for forgiveness, but I still feel bad. I have gone years before, so I know I can do it.  I'm so thankful for this forum.


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## divinefavor (Mar 24, 2005)

Lonesomedove, God has already forgiven you now forgive yourself.  You will make it through.  We're all here for you, please if you need to talk don't hesitate to contact me.  I'm not sure if I have my e-mail address in my profile.  I just joined this website this week.

my e-mail address is [email protected]


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## mzcaramelicious07 (Mar 24, 2005)

aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> I was going to say this thread is only a question for the single Christians, but I am interested in responses from married Christian women as well. We all know what the word says about pre-marital sex.  DON'T DO IT.
> 
> My question is to the ladies who are abstaining . . . how the HECK do you do it? How long have you been abstaining? Any slip ups?
> 
> ...




Wow...this is a wonderful thread. Well hmmm....I'm 22...a virgin...in a 3 yr+ relationship with a man of God who is also a virgin.  As you can tell we are waiting until we r married.  Both of us are in college, and I am from out of town and have my own apartment.  So, we decided that anytime that we would chill, he would leave by midnight every night.  Now I know you can have sex at any time, but there really is no reason for him to stay at my apartment all day and all night cuz to me that is basically living together.  We have been practicing that since the first year of us dating!  Now as time goes by, I (as well as he!) find myself anticipating that good ol' wedding night more and more, but I'm not sacrificing or cheating myself with anything that I know the Lord intended to be special and beautiful inside of a union.  So there is no oral, no masterbation, no nothing. He hasn't even seen me in a bathing suit/bikini.  So on that wedding night, he is literally going to be getting EVERYTHING for the first time!   I believe it is important for you and your mate to have the same goals and morals especially when it comes to this one.  You want to be on the same page, so there is no question or struggle when it comes to keeping your temple holy when the other one wants to do whatever and however.  Of course keeping your prayer life up, reading the Word and being fed at church plays a big part with not only helping with this, but with every area of your life. Also, I let it be known from the beginning that I barely wanted to kiss before marriage.  I don't think that is the only way to do things, BUT I know the more you kiss, the more you want.  I was a freshman in college when we began dating, so I knew I wasn't getting married any time soon and just kissing only satisfies for so long and stirs up feelings to want to do more.  It took us 3 months to have our first kiss, which was barely a peck.  Well over 3 yrs later those kisses are definitely longer, but that's all they are.....kisses.  No rubbing and feeling or dry humping or masterbation or none of that!  So my advice is to not even start anything that you can't finish.  Kissing starts off all innocent, but if you let it get too far, most likely it will lead to something heavier.  After we get married, we will have every day ALL day to get down with the get down.  Save that intimate special part of life that God gave us for then.  And when that time comes 
  :bouncegre      ​: 
and don't forget      cuz u know it will be that good!


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## aquarian1252004 (Mar 24, 2005)

Thank you ladies I appreciate all of your honest responses. Now it’s my turn. 

I was in a relationship with someone who was saved too for about four years, 

we were quite aware of the sin factor, but we fell anyway again & again 

& again & again & again (you get the picture). It got really bad. Like Adam 

and Eve did when they sinned we  tried to hide from God. Sometimes we'd go 

to church togther and be at the alter crying and repenting, but fall right back 

into it. It really became a viciuos cycle. When we allowed that lust demon to 

come in it really took control of and became the focus of our relationship. We 

would fight and argue like crazy and we couldn't explain to people that we 

were fighting because of spiritual warfare (they wouldn't understand). We 

both received words that in a season we are supposed to be married, but 

because of lust we continued to push back our own destinies. For a while we 

both had the mindset that God if you said we are supposed to be married 

anyway what difference does it make if we do it now or later? Both of us 

would knowingly walk right into sin, we'd sleep in the same bed or get 

undressed in front of each other. Needless to say both of us have been 

humbled and chastised a great deal for our short comings. God has separated 

us from each other for this season (he lives in NYC and I am in Chicago) I 

completely understand His purpose for doing this. We finally got tired of going 

in circles and realized that we need to indvidually put our focus on Him and 

not each other. The temptation to fornicate is really only an issue when I am 

home in NYC with him ummmm but masterbation is an issue while I'm here in 

Chicago . Sometimes I feel like I have the sex drive of a man, I mean I 

want it all the time! I've had sisters in Christ who acted as my accountability 

partners, but I didn't feel like they could relate because they were virgins. 

Another one had been raped in the past so sex was the last thing on her 

mind. I just need all the Jesus I can get ya'll if I am going to make it until I 

get married.


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## Poohbear (Mar 24, 2005)

lonesomedove said:
			
		

> This is such a great thread! I have recently "slipped up" and have felt miserable ever since. I have asked for forgiveness, but I still feel bad. I have gone years before, so I know I can do it. I'm so thankful for this forum.


*Don't feel bad.  All have sin and fallen short of God's glory (Romans).   God forgives and remembers your sin NO MORE (Hebrews)!!!   If you have repented (ask for forgiveness and have refrain from having premarital sex), you are a virgin in God's eyes! *


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## Honeyhips (Mar 24, 2005)

aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> Sometimes I feel like I have the sex drive of a man,  I just need all the Jesus I can get ya'll if I am going to make it until I
> 
> get married.


 I relate to just about everything you have said.


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## Tami (Mar 24, 2005)

I just recently decided that I need to be celibate after a man I had been dating for about 3 years off and on gave me an STD...   That was the last sign for me that I was not living my life that way God intends for me too. It is definitely going to be a struggle for me but I plan to keep myself busy and spend lots of time praying ..


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## UmSumayyah (Mar 24, 2005)

Making a rule that you will never be completely alone with a man (that isn't your dad, uncle, brother etc.) also helps.  Temptation won't be something you have to deal with if you take opportunity completely out of the equation.


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## aquarian1252004 (Mar 24, 2005)

UmSumayyah said:
			
		

> Making a rule that you will never be completely alone with a man (that isn't your dad, uncle, brother etc.) also helps.  Temptation won't be something you have to deal with if you take opportunity completely out of the equation.



True, but this isn't just some "man" this is my future husband.


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## mzcaramelicious07 (Mar 24, 2005)

aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> True, but this isn't just some "man" this is my future husband.



Then that makes it even more important to take out the opportunity for temptation!


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## aquarian1252004 (Mar 24, 2005)

I'm not saying the advice you ladies are providing isn't on point . . . . it sounds so simple and easy, but it just doesn't seem that way.


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## mzcaramelicious07 (Mar 24, 2005)

aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> I'm not saying the advice you ladies are providing isn't on point . . . . it sounds so simple and easy, but it just doesn't seem that way.



Girl I feel u.  Nothing is easy at first.  If u really want to do right, U must *make* yourself do it.  That's just like anything in life. I had serious trouble with procrastinating with college work, papers, projects, etc.  Would come home everyday and chill knowin' I had stuff that needed to be done.  Well girl I am a senior in college and just know got my stuff together.  I had to make myself pull out the work and leave the tv or whatever else alone even though I dreaded it. After a while it becomes routine and it feels good to know u are getting something done, doing right and accomplishing something.  I'm not trying to say that abstaining from sex and making yourself write a paper is the same thing, but people struggle w/ different things, and both people have to put their foot down and do what is right if they truly want to live right.  U know?


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## Honeyhips (Mar 24, 2005)

How do you know this? 





			
				aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> True, but this isn't just some "man" this is my future husband.




Oh I see... So they phrophecy specifically said you'd be married to him?   Did you get that word before or after the sexual intimacy? 


> We
> 
> both received words that in a season we are supposed to be married


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## aquarian1252004 (Mar 24, 2005)

Honeyhips said:
			
		

> How do you know this?



Before, during, and through out. It’s a long story, but to make it short. Thus sayeth the Lord! Both of us have received several prophetic words individually and corporately regarding this. When you receive a prophetic word God always confirms it in your spirit. We both would have dreams about each other, God would wake me up in the middle of the night to pray for him and vice versa. He got a word about it before he even met me that a wife was being prepared for him. When I met him I wasn't even "looking" for a husband (I never wanted to be married) or looking for God for that matter! We had started off as friends (I thought he was a corny church boy)he did not want anything to do with me at the time because I wasn't saved. I didn't even know he liked me like that!  Then we lost contact when I went away to school. I got saved during the middle of my freshman year and I had sent him an email apologizing to him for the way that I treated him when I was "in the world." We've been aware of our soul tie ever since. I know that we will have a beautiful relationship when we operate under the will, but when we are out of order  the devil truly tries to get the glory.


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## Belle Du Jour (Mar 25, 2005)

Great thread!  I think it's easy for people to say "dont do this or that" but it's harder to implement how to not do those things we know are wrong.  I think this thread is giving us practical solutions to a very real issue.

May I recommend some reading that might help you?
-Boy Meets Girl by Josh Harris has a chapter on sex; he talks about how strict he and his wife to be were (no kissing until the wedding day  , no real physical contact, etc).  It may be too strict for you (you have to let the Spirit lead you on that, but it will give you a good idea on how to get around the lust demon.
-If Men are Like Buses, and Sassy, Single and Satisfied  by Michelle McKinney Hammond.  She really delves into why a woman's purity is her power.  Her books are great in general.


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## Koffie (Mar 25, 2005)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> *Don't feel bad.  All have sin and fallen short of God's glory (Romans).   God forgives and remembers your sin NO MORE (Hebrews)!!!  If you have repented (ask for forgiveness and have refrain from having premarital sex), you are a virgin in God's eyes!*



Are you serious?  If so I need to be doin some serious shoutin' and praisin' 'cause I feel lucky after hearing this.


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## Poohbear (Mar 25, 2005)

Koffie said:
			
		

> Are you serious?  If so I need to be doin some serious shoutin' and praisin' 'cause I feel lucky after hearing this.


*Yes! Most definitely! When I get home, I'll try to find the exact scripture in Hebrews that says this about the Lord forgiving and forgetting our sins!  And about being a virgin after having sex... I've read several articles and heard preachers talk about this. It's like you may be a non-virgin in the world, but to God you are a virgin in His eyes once you ask for forgiveness and refrain from pre-marital sex until marriage. *


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## star (Mar 25, 2005)

Thanks for sharing your story. Can you fast and pray about this? You can do it a half day, couple hours etc. Pray to God first about it. While you are fasting and praying you can read Power Scriputres about the flesh and the mind. Basically, you have develop of habit of having sex just like any other habit. By taking one day at a time you can break the habit. You must focus your mind on other things so you will not be pre-occuiped with this. I am going to Pm because I know God has given me anointing in this area to help people with this problem in their lives. God bless and I love in Jesus and know God can keep you if you want to be kept. Take one day at a time.  



			
				aquarian1252004 said:
			
		

> Thank you ladies I appreciate all of your honest responses. Now it’s my turn.
> 
> I was in a relationship with someone who was saved too for about four years,
> 
> ...


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## phynestone (Apr 5, 2005)

I'm glad we're discussing this. Bumping for more responses.


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## sexyeyes3616 (Nov 14, 2008)

bump. This is such a great thread.


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## kayte (Nov 14, 2008)

No coincidences......
I need this
NOW

ETA
I'm going to subscribe to the abstinence sticky


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## firecracker (Nov 26, 2008)

Its really easy for me because I never really liked sex much or often.  When I did engage in fornication I felt bad afterwards and would try to stop the behavior.  When I was younger I did it for the man and he had to beg since I had guilt issue after a few sessions.  LOL


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