# Do you try to attract single men...



## Kinkyhairlady (Jul 20, 2010)

at church? 

I was thinking about this the other day and how I kind of just throw my dress on when I go to church and not really caring too much about if I look good or not. Well this is because I know I am going to go praise God and I am not checking for anyone. Sunday an attractive guy sat next to me and I felt awkward partly because I did not think I looked my best that day. 

Anyways do you single ladies try to make an effort to look extra special on days you go to church cause you don't know what single men may be checking you out? Maybe this is what God wants us to do to catch a mate. Wear your Sunday best to get a good husband.


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## Do_Si_Dos (Jul 20, 2010)

I am just a girly, who puts a lot into my looks anyway.  I just enjoy looking nice and polished, even in a sweat suit I try to look effortlessly put together.


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## HeChangedMyName (Jul 20, 2010)

great topic.  much to think about too.
I don't TRY to attract single men, but I don't try to go into church looking beat up from the feet up either.

Never know when Boaz is peeping you. . .ya know.

keep the cleve hidden in church and don't wear mini's or anything, i just try to keep it looking put together


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## HeChangedMyName (Jul 20, 2010)

Do_Si_Dos said:


> I am just a girly, who puts a lot into my looks anyway. I just enjoy looking nice and polished, even in a sweat suit I try to look effortlessly put together.


 
i wish i could get that effortlessly part down pat.  lol


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## Sashaa08 (Jul 20, 2010)

Unfortunately, I attract married men at church. ARGH!!!!!!!! The blessing is that I know that they are married so I can act accordingly.


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## Raspberry (Jul 20, 2010)

Sashaa08 said:


> Unfortunately, I attract married men at church. ARGH!!!!!!!! The blessing is that I know that they are married so I can act accordingly.



This is so true , I guess married men aren't blind though.

Nothing wrong with looking your best wherever you are.  Church is ideally supposed to be a close knit community of believers who build and maintain edifying relationships with each other with the Holy Spirit as the glue that holds us together.  Friendships, engagements, and marriages among believers should be a natural result of that. 

I think the best approach is to look your best, but also build relationship with other people in your church so you can get the inside scoop on the single men around. Doesn't matter if a guy thinks your hot but you have no clue whether he's dating/marriage material or even a church player.


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## Prudent1 (Jul 20, 2010)

No, I don't. I guess in my mind, I am there to learn and grow (1st and foremost). Like others have said, I am not going looking any kind of way but, I really can't say I put some type of extra effort into it with possible men in mind. I can't really say I have difficulties attracting men. TBH, maybe I would think differently if I did, if I was at a different stage in my life, felt pressure from family or self-inflicted to find _the one_. I dunno. I don't expect to find Boaz in the church. I expect him to be Christ-like etc but expect to meet him while I am out and about being me. Good question.

Slightly OT: I wish a married man would approach me from church. I'd put them in their place so quick! I have never had that happen yet- thankfully. I wish one would.


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## loolalooh (Jul 20, 2010)

HeChangedMyName said:


> great topic. much to think about too.
> *I don't TRY to attract single men, but I don't try to go into church looking beat up from the feet up either.*
> 
> *Never know when Boaz is peeping you. . .ya know.*
> ...


 
Same here.  Especially the bolded.

For some time, I was purposefully "repelling" men at church (and elsewhere), if that makes sense.  Wearing slacks as opposed to dresses/skirts.  Wearing my hair pulled back.  Wearing loafers and over-sized shirts.  Wearing unflattering and "not so feminine" clothes.  I didn't want any attention or distraction while at church.

However, I thought about Ruth and Boaz.  Sometimes we are called to place ourselves in a position to be found.  For some, that may be in church.  For some, that may include "looking one's best".  For example, Naomi instructed Ruth to _*"3 Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes."*_ (Ruth 3)

Also there was a quote from an article someone posted on here.  The summary was one can be *"modest yet feminine"* .  Both examples made me more comfortable about "looking my best" and "looking like a woman" in church.  Of course in a modest fashion.


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## Vonnieluvs08 (Jul 20, 2010)

My church is "come as you are" so I don't feel pressured to look "cute."  Most times I do come put together and other times I make an effort to look cute.  Only once have I really gone looking crazy and it was a day I got off late and had to wear my scrubs.  I do wear my heels to church quite often (which is cute & intimidating-I'm 5'11 already).

I think I'm coming to realize that I probably won't meet my Boaz in church.  Mostly because of the dynamics of my church and there aren't too many men there I find attractive in both a Godly sense and physical sense.  I also realize that this is not my season for a mate so no need to distract myself from the sermon and praise & worship wondering if so and so is checking for me or if so and so is dating anyone.


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## Raspberry (Jul 20, 2010)

Off-topic but I always giggle when people talk about their "Boaz" -  I always imagine some fantasy soap-opera guy riding in on a horse.    Ruth got a good one.. workin in the fields lookin cute and Mr. McDreamy rolls up and rescues her 

I don't think of my future mate as a Boaz tho, just seems too far fetched - maybe I'm cynical and need to get right lol.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jul 20, 2010)

Vonnieluvs08 said:


> My church is "come as you are" so I don't feel pressured to look "cute."  Most times I do come put together and other times I make an effort to look cute.  Only once have I really gone looking crazy and it was a day I got off late and had to wear my scrubs.  I do wear my heels to church quite often (which is cute & intimidating-I'm 5'11 already).
> 
> I think I'm coming to realize that I probably won't meet my Boaz in church.  Mostly because of the dynamics of my church and there aren't too many men there I find attractive in both a Godly sense and physical sense.  I also realize that this is not my season for a mate so no need to distract myself from the sermon and praise & worship wondering if so and so is checking for me or if so and so is dating anyone.



You never know your Boaz may be a visitor to the church one day. The guy that sat next to me I had never seen him before nor had he ever seen me. He asked me if it was my first time there and I said no, I come all the time. God will send a man your way when you least expect it, so I guess that is why it is good to always be prepared. Next Sunday i will try to look cute, not for a man but for myself cause I don't want to feel awkward if a Boaz sits next to me and I don't know how to act. lol


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## HeChangedMyName (Jul 20, 2010)

Raspberry said:


> This is so true , I guess married men aren't blind though.
> 
> Nothing wrong with looking your best wherever you are. Church is ideally supposed to be a close knit community of believers who build and maintain edifying relationships with each other with the Holy Spirit as the glue that holds us together. Friendships, engagements, and marriages among believers should be a natural result of that.
> 
> I think the best approach is to look your best, but also build relationship with other people in your church so you can get the inside scoop on the single men around. Doesn't matter if a guy thinks your hot but you have no clue whether he's dating/marriage material or even a church player.


 
I respond to all the men at my church as though they are already married/dating/engaged, etc.  I do this because couples don't always sit together, and other than the people that I know personally, I don't wanna be caught off gaurd thinking someone is single and they aren't.  Also, in the past couple of years there have been marriages within the church and I never knew the people were even dating until the announcement was made. 




Prudent1 said:


> No, I don't. I guess in my mind, I am there to learn and grow (1st and foremost). Like others have said, I am not going looking any kind of way but, I really can't say I put some type of extra effort into it with possible men in mind. I can't really say I have difficulties attracting men. TBH, maybe I would think differently if I did, if I was at a different stage in my life, felt pressure from family or self-inflicted to find _the one_. I dunno. I don't expect to find Boaz in the church. I expect him to be Christ-like etc but expect to meet him while I am out and about being me. Good question.
> 
> Slightly OT: *I wish a married man would approach me from church. I'd put them in their place so quick! I have never had that happen yet- thankfully. I wish one would*.


 
girllllllllll  you aint neva lied




loolalooh said:


> Same here. Especially the bolded.
> 
> For some time, I was purposefully "repelling" men at church (and elsewhere), if that makes sense. Wearing slacks as opposed to dresses/skirts. Wearing my hair pulled back. Wearing loafers and over-sized shirts. Wearing unflattering and "not so feminine" clothes. I didn't want any attention or distraction while at church.
> 
> ...


 
Yes,  i'm feeling very Ruth presently actually.  I'm not sure what or why, but I've been on this keep it cute and get it together tip lately.



Raspberry said:


> Off-topic but I always giggle when people talk about their "Boaz" - I always imagine some fantasy soap-opera guy riding in on a horse.  Ruth got a good one.. workin in the fields lookin cute and Mr. McDreamy rolls up and rescues her
> 
> I don't think of my future mate as a Boaz tho, just seems too far fetched - maybe I'm cynical and need to get right lol.


 
reminded me of the commercials


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## stephluv (Jul 20, 2010)

IMO God honestly is more focused on you as the person when you worship him then on what you wear.....but I also feel that if I will get dressed to go out with my friends or go on a date then why cant I put a little effort and look presentable in the church too....

We use the phrase "come as you are" very loosely, but the truth is people will always pass judgement on you. It really shouldn't matter though but in my church all the ladies and gents try to come in our Sunday best and I know I would give a guy that came in his Sunday best a sneek peek quicker than one who didnt. I just love a guy in a suit tho......


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## lana (Jul 20, 2010)

I always tried to look my best while I was single. Because I wanted to look my best for "me". Well it turned out that one day after attending a service, I went to the library and sat down at a computer (still dressed and with just the right amount of make up on) and who did I sit by? My husband. - Yeah, he married me after meeting me in the library (and dating of course!). 

I never leave the house without looking my best. It hasn't failed me yet. So I encourage anyone that wants to improve their self esteem and goes out in public, to always take care of yourself. It shows that you value yourself and spend time on YOU. I still do this, even now, and my husband still stares at me googly eyed. So it works.


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## uniquely made (Jul 20, 2010)

Just be yourself.  If you feel like dressing up, dress up.  If you don't then don't.  The most important thing is your relatiobship with God.  The right man will come along.  And he'll notice you in whatever you have on.  He'll notice your SPIRIT.


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## luthiengirlie (Jul 20, 2010)

I did at one point, for a man, who i found out was actually engaged to another woman that HURT lol but now i JUST GO TO LOOK NICE! iT'S A TIME WITH YHWH.


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## kittikat24 (Jul 20, 2010)

I enjoy dressing up where-ever I go (sometimes even wearing hats) and church is no exception. But I do it rather for personal style, not only for male attraction... ...
Our church is pretty old-fashioned, so if a guys interested, he's usually looking for wife-potential which is nice


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## LadyPBC (Jul 20, 2010)

I just make it my business to look put together.  If a single brother notices me great, if a male or female (married or single) compliments me on my appearance that's great too.  I appreciate a well dressed man and a stylish sister too (not in a homo way).  I'm not sure if its effortless but I try not to go overboard with the girlies showing or something skin tight.  One of my ministry leaders always tells us that after we get dressed if we look in the mirror and say "dag I look good/sexy" then we should go change clothes LOL!  I try not to dress to bring negative attention to myself.  I try to dress with class and distinction. In summary, I love to look nice however when involved in ministry I don't ever want how I'm dressed to detract from the message I'm trying to convey about Christ.

BTW - Every married man that pays you a compliment is not tryna get with you LOL!


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## Sashaa08 (Jul 20, 2010)

LadyPBC said:


> I just make it my business to look put together.  If a single brother notices me great, if a male or female (married or single) compliments me on my appearance that's great too.  I appreciate a well dressed man and a stylish sister too (not in a homo way).  I'm not sure if its effortless but I try not to go overboard with the girlies showing or something skin tight.  One of my ministry leaders always tells us that after we get dressed if we look in the mirror and say "dag I look good/sexy" then we should go change clothes LOL!  I try not to dress to bring negative attention to myself.  I try to dress with class and distinction. In summary, I love to look nice however when involved in ministry I don't ever want how I'm dressed to detract from the message I'm trying to convey about Christ.
> 
> BTW - Every married man that pays you a compliment is not tryna get with you LOL!



So true! Every married man that compliments me is not trying to get with me. But those who are undressing you with their eyes and making in appropriate comments to you....


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## Renewed1 (Jul 20, 2010)

I try to look my best no matter where I am. My thought is everytime I walk out the door, I should look a little more than just "presentable." This has been happening recently, but I am ready to meet my Boaz.


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## kittikat24 (Jul 20, 2010)

Changed said:


> This has been happening recently, but I am ready to meet my Boaz.


 
You and me both!!
My goodness I'm ready


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## Raspberry (Jul 21, 2010)

uniquely made said:


> Just be yourself.  If you feel like dressing up, dress up.  If you don't then don't.  The most important thing is your relatiobship with God.  The right man will come along.  And he'll notice you in whatever you have on.  He'll notice your SPIRIT.



Eh.. I agree with this to a certain extent, but men are still human and the way we look is a large part of initial attraction. Only God sees purely according to the heart, very few humans evaluate a potential mate purely based on spiritual measurements.  It's unlikely I would give a 350 lb man with slovenly appearance a chance because of his awesome spirit and it wouldn't be fair for me to put unrealistic expectations on a Christian man to look completely past the flesh either.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Jul 21, 2010)

Raspberry said:


> Eh.. I agree with this to a certain extent, but men are still human and the way we look is a large part of initial attraction. Only God sees purely according to the heart, very few humans evaluate a potential mate purely based on spiritual measurements.  It's unlikely I would give a 350 lb man with slovenly appearance a chance because of his awesome spirit and it wouldn't be fair for me to put unrealistic expectations on a Christian man to look completely past the flesh either.



Preach it sister! that is true, that is why I can't can't get with the non attractive men that approach me at church. I am sure they are good hearted and love God but umm I Have to be attracted to you as well. I do admire a man and women who is on point on Sundays, some of them are so fierce but me I have to work on it. I have  my days but very rare I pull off a fierce looking outfit. Need to go shopping for more church clothes I guess.


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## kittikat24 (Jul 21, 2010)

Raspberry said:


> ..it wouldn't be fair for me to put unrealistic expectations on a Christian man to look completely past the flesh either.


 

In dating/courtship, there should be an attraction...then the attraction grows as you get to know one anothers goals, dreams etc. on a deeper level.
If I cringe everytime I see him, it isn't fair for me to let him pursue if I'm simply not interested


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## LovingLady (Jul 21, 2010)

Church is a place where we focus our attention on the Lord, that is His time. If you happen to meet someone there that is fine, I don't think you should make it your mission. When I leave the house for church the only thing I am thinking about is "I hope God likes my dress." :Rose:


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## luthiengirlie (Jul 21, 2010)

Abdijz said:


> Church is a place where we focus our attention on the Lord, that is His time. If you happen to meet someone there that is fine, I don't think you should make it your mission. When I leave the house for church the only thing I am thinking about is "I hope God likes my dress." :Rose:



I have done this as well! I call it my date with Adonai on Sunday. It helps me look my best for him. During the week though...not as much I admit. Aint nobody looking at me that hard right now


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## loolalooh (Jul 21, 2010)

Abdijz said:


> *Church is a place where we focus our attention on the Lord, that is His time. If you happen to meet someone there that is fine, I don't think you should make it your mission.*



I agree and hope no one disagrees with this. I don't think women should make it their mission to meet men in church.  However, I do think God calls some women to place themselves in a position to be found ... and that may or may not be in church.  I cannot comment on what He has spoken to others.  But yes, church is His time!  There should be no doubt about that. 



Abdijz said:


> When I leave the house for church the only thing I am thinking about is *"I hope God likes my dress."* :Rose:



In my case, I thought I had this in mind but realized otherwise.  Instead, I was saying "I hope no man so much as looks at me in church".  Lol.  Once I removed this mentality, it allowed me to be more comfortable dressing feminine and dressing my best.  It also allowed me to focus more on the service. 

I'm probably an unusual case (or maybe not), but I've purposefully pushed away men by my dress.  It's my defense mechanism against letting a guy into my life.  (That's a whole other topic that involves forgiveness, trusting God, etc..)  In my case, I was fighting the possibility of being "found" ... The possibility of being seen as "woman".  I'm still in the "healing" process, still fight some days, but I'm becoming more comfortable being me ... a woman ... and that includes in how I dress.


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## loolalooh (Jul 21, 2010)

lana said:


> I always tried to look my best while I was single. Because I wanted to look my best for "me". Well it turned out that one day after attending a service, I went to the library and sat down at a computer (still dressed and with just the right amount of make up on) and who did I sit by? My husband. - Yeah, he married me after meeting me in the library (and dating of course!).
> 
> *I never leave the house without looking my best.*



This is what I'm working on.    



lana said:


> It hasn't failed me yet. So I encourage anyone that wants to improve their self esteem and goes out in public, to always take care of yourself. *It shows that you value yourself* and spend time on YOU. I still do this, even now, and my husband still stares at me googly eyed. So it works.



Especially agree with the bolded.  Some people can take it too far, lol, but a healthy dose is good.


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## Raspberry (Jul 21, 2010)

loolalooh said:


> I agree and hope no one disagrees with this. I don't think women should make it their mission to meet men in church.  However, I do think God calls some women to place themselves in a position to be found ... and that may or may not be in church.  I cannot comment on what He has spoken to others.  But yes, church is His time!  There should be no doubt about that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You make interesting points and remind me that God is speaking something a little different to everyone in our spiritual journeys to become whole and blessed people. Some women need to dress up a bit, others need to dress down a bit. Some women need to stop obsessing about men so much and others need to open up their hearts to hope and possibility again. Its all about staying sensitive to the Spirit and embracing growth. For me personally I've had to unpackage my tendency to use my looks as a shield. feeling as long as I look good I can be acceptable to men while glossing over insecurities I need to work on.

We all need to keep open hearts and a willingness to evaluate and re-mold the root of our mindsets when it comes to attraction and our own behaviors.


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## grow_N_Him09 (Jul 22, 2010)

Aww...I love your "love story!"

I'm in the library now 

But, really, I actually stop by just about everyday after work...and just about everyday I come in here looking frazzled and haggard  But this is a motivation to step it up...just in case.



lana said:


> I always tried to look my best while I was single. Because I wanted to look my best for "me". Well it turned out that one day after attending a service, I went to the library and sat down at a computer (still dressed and with just the right amount of make up on) and who did I sit by? My husband. - Yeah, he married me after meeting me in the library (and dating of course!).
> 
> I never leave the house without looking my best. It hasn't failed me yet. So I encourage anyone that wants to improve their self esteem and goes out in public, to always take care of yourself. It shows that you value yourself and spend time on YOU. I still do this, even now, and my husband still stares at me googly eyed. So it works.


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