# Wedding in 5 and a half weeks; FI Unemployed=God's Will?



## msdentist2015 (Nov 8, 2014)

Hello ladies!Decided to post this to the Christian forum specifically, but this is a free forum, and all view points are welcome. I’ve been engaged for almost a year and a half to a great man. This year has not been the easiest to say the least. With his mom’s passing in January, things were tough, but we got through that, as we knew it was coming. I’ve always had a pretty solid faith in God, but these days, I hate to say it, but I feel like my faith is waining significantly. The way I see it, God is “not a man that he should lie” and his words should line up. 

We have done everything the “Christian” way, as one would say it. Well, FI got laid off from his job a day before his birthday in August. He has been looking for a position fervently since then-and I mean fervently. Over 200 job applications, maybe 25 interviews, and still, nothing. I am in school full time as a grad student, and currently interviewing for residency, a very costly and mentally taxing process, so I don’t really have much money to contribute to getting a place of our own, etc.

6 months ago, finances were not an issue, and now they are. I try to keep his spirits up, and encourage him, but to be honest, I am very discouraged myself. I understand that one must have faith, but it almost seems like just blind faith at this point. Am I even supposed to expect God to “do anything?” I really don’t know. His field is supposed to be a stable one, as he is in IT, but for some reason, cannot get hired.  I have one more semester left till I get my doctorate so I cannot just up and move with him. He has tried even applying to positions that he is clearly overqualified for, and even they will not hire him. It seems employers have wisened up to the fact that well educated people will not stay at low paying jobs for long, and are not even willing to train one, if they know you deserve better than what they can offer. The only option at this point is for him, a well educated man with dual bachelor degrees to go work in retail for 12 dollars an hour or something. That's not even enough to put a roof over our heads.

Its looking like we either live apart, though married, or move in with parents, which I feel very uncomfortable doing. I don’t understand how God can claim that husbands and wives should live together and not provide the means for us to do so. I try not to think about this situation too much because I’ve just been very dissapointed with the way the last few months have played out. Its been nothing but constant worry about how we will support ourselves once married.

I’m trying not to be “dissapointed with God” but its hard to say I’m not, to be honest. I’m just not feeling like his words line up. Life just isnt that black and white, and I feel like I am making things happen for myself, because I can’t rely on God for anything really or miracles.Its all just the worst possible timing, and I just feel very bitter towards God. I’m not seeing his “provider” abilities, or making sense of anything that is happening.Anyways maybe I’m just venting, as I’m sure I need it, but any alternative views or comments are welcome.


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## neet4 (Nov 8, 2014)

I receive daily devotionals from Dr. Charles Stanley via email each day.  I want to share one that has helped me.  I hope it helps you too.

Here is the link from where this article is from: 
http://www.intouch.org/you/article-...isis_into_an_opportunity_article#.VF4v-cncivg

*How to Turn Your Crisis into an Opportunity*

*By Dr. Charles Stanley*

*Trust that God is working everything in your life for your good.*
 “We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those  who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).
*Believe that our heavenly Father is in control of everything. *
 “The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all” (Ps. 103:19).
*Accept that the Lord’s ways are higher than ours. *
 “‘My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’  declares the LORD. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are  My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts’” (Isa. 55:8-9).
*Refuse to make quick judgments in the midst of a crisis. *
 “Thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said, ‘In repentance  and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength’” (Isa. 30:15)
*Focus on the Father instead of the crisis.*
 “O our God . . . we are powerless before this great multitude who are  coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You” (2 Chron. 20:12).
*Avoid dwelling on the pain. *
 “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed  within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His  presence” (Ps. 42:5).
*Recall past crises and the opportunities that followed.*
 “They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my  support. He also brought me forth into a broad place; He rescued me,  because He delighted in me” (2 Sam. 22:19-20).
*Let go of your anger immediately. *
 “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (Eph. 4:26-27).
*Submit yourself to God’s will. *
 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own  understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your  paths straight” (Pr. 3:5-6).
*Demonstrate a spirit of gratitude. *
 “In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:18).
*Determine to view the trial as a chance to see God at work.*
 “The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks  Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD” (Lam. 3:25-26).
*Refuse to listen to unscriptural interpretations of your situation. *
 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. . . . The  wicked have laid a snare for me, yet I have not gone astray from Your  precepts” (Ps. 119:105, 110).
*Remain in constant prayer, listening for the Father’s instructions. *
 “Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Col. 4:2).
*Do not give in to fluctuating emotions.*
 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Ps. 73:26).
*Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him. *
 “Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. He  will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as  the noonday. Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him” (Ps. 37:5-7).


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## LiftedUp (Nov 8, 2014)

There will always be test to our faith and this moment is another one of those.  I understand that this is a very trying time, but it's the perfect time to count your blessings and stand on his word.

Regarding the current financial situation, given the circumstances, do you have any family member willing to help regarding living situations after marriage?  I assume for the past three months he has been burning through savings.  Secondly, is it too late to allow for cash as a gift option?

Congratulations on your upcoming vows and all the best


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 8, 2014)

Welp, if its a test of "faith", I'm certainly failing it. Because I am very close to giving up faith that God is actually going to fix anything about this scenario before the wedding. I think FI and I will just end up living apart. Its sad because I don't see any inkling of God's "provision' in this situation at all. I''ve given up on praying about any of this, because God is going to do what he is going to do, or not do, regardless of whatever words come out of my mouth.

I'm just dissapointed in God, and dissapointed in this whole season as a whole. Its been nothing but one stressball to the next. I am not keen on begging my parents to live with them. It would be an awkward and uncomfortable position for both parties. I think its just best we continue our current living situation, until he finds something worth taking. It may not be the "ideal" Christian wife thing to do; but I did everything right regarding courtship/marriage. This is the part where God is supposed to come through...now, where is he?


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## LiftedUp (Nov 8, 2014)

Many times we try to write our lives but at the end of the day we have to accept that we are not the true authors.


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## mensa (Nov 8, 2014)

When my DH and I first married, he had to file bankruptcy the following week.  He also had 425 taken out of his check every 2 weeks.  Though an engineer, he was bringing home hardly anything.  The financial responsibility was all on me. But I didn't mind because he was a (real) Christian man, he loved me, he was not lazy nor irresponsible, and I loved him.

Fast forward to now:  His kids are grown, he's got A-1 credit, he brings home more money than I do, whatever I want he gives it to me, he said he never had another woman who stood by him as I did, therefore, he only wants me!  (I must mention that my DH is super fine, so many have tried to snare him).

I am fully aware that all situations do not end up as well as mine did, but your FH has not caused this misfortune.  Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.  That's just life.  He is doing the best that he can do.  This storm for him will only be temporary.  Who knows?  Maybe in the future, the tables could turn.  You might get sick, lose your job, get in a car accident, or whatever.  How would you want him to treat you?

Pray about your decision and go with the answer.

I will pray that you and your FH faith in God will be strengthened through this ordeal and that when you do become married, you both will live true to your marriage vows:  for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, in health, till death do you part.


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 8, 2014)

mensa said:


> When my DH and I first married, he had to file bankruptcy the following week.  He also had 425 taken out of his check every 2 weeks.  Though an engineer, he was bringing home hardly anything.  The financial responsibility was all on me. But I didn't mind because he was a (real) Christian man, he loved me, he was not lazy nor irresponsible, and I loved him.
> 
> Fast forward to now:  His kids are grown, he's got A-1 credit, he brings home more money than I do, whatever I want he gives it to me, he said he never had another woman who stood by him as I did, therefore, he only wants me!  (I must mention that my DH is super fine, so many have tried to snare him).
> 
> ...



I'm happy to hear that you and your husband got through such rough times. I'm not deserting my FI, and like I said, I do recognize his efforts with hundreds of applications and 20 something interviews. I am currently a student in a doctoral program flying all over the country practically every week interviewing for a competitive residency program. So its been hard having any sort of joy towards this wedding, with all this uncertainty hovering over my head. I love my FI, but its very hard carrying the weight of all the burdens in my life right now. I'm not leaving him, but knowing our families, I'm just not keen on asking to live with either of them as a couple. Awkward is just the beginning of how to describe it. I just don't see anything about God coming through for me in this situation.
I'm glad I'm pursuing the field I am in, as tough as it is, so we will never have to deal with financial issues such as these. Its becoming very clear that God doesnt rescue one from anything. He may be a comforter, but I'm not really seeing any provider abilities, at all. To make it worse, FI is a youth pastor. I'm supposed to play "Darling wife", but seeing as we live in a crazy world, I know feel all this pressure to be majorly successful in my career to ensure that we will always be financially comfortable. I am not about that pay check to pay check life at all....And since I can't rely on anyone or God to take care of me, I have to do what I have to do, and make those sacrifices now.


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## mensa (Nov 8, 2014)

If you give up on God, who else can you turn too?

You know what?  It's easy to say that we love God and that we trust in Him when things are going pretty good, but the validity of our faith comes when we endure the storms of life and it seems as if He's gone or that He doesn't care.

In the natural, we build muscles by lifting weights.  It's the same thing in the spiritual.  The greater the storm, the stronger the faith.  If we stop lifting weights, out muscles become weak and out of shape. 

If you feel that you are not ready or able to deal with this situation, it's best to set the young man free.  Because believe me, when you marry you will not only face this challenge, but soooooooooooooo many more.

(pm me if you wish)


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 8, 2014)

mensa said:


> If you give up on God, who else can you turn too?
> 
> You know what?  It's easy to say that we love God and that we trust in Him when things are going pretty good, but the validity of our faith comes when we endure the storms of life and it seems as if He's gone or that He doesn't care.
> 
> ...



I do know that marriage comes with challenges. Like I said, this isnt the first storm of the year. We lost his mother in January, and she started declining in health 6 months before that. I was there for him through all of that. 
Financial trouble is like nothing else. Going to school, earning dual bachelors and not being able to find a professional job, is not a blessing from the Lord God. There just is no way to sugarcoat it with Christianese language...
I'm willing to stand by him, but I will say, that to me, it looks like one has to make things happen for themselves as well. God doesnt bless everything one wants to pursue randomly. I can boldly say I pursued the field I'm in because I never wanted to be broke or in a financial bind. I never wanted to be begging family members for money because I fell on hard times. So any success I have financially in the future, is due to well calculated decisions, serious hard work, late night study sessions, sweating and tearing up over board exams...where was God in that? Nothing was handed to me..
When he lost his mother, I knew maybe God had said it was time for her to come home. But when one has busted their butt and worked hard through the educational system, and still nothing-its rough, very rough.
If I chose to pursue my true passion, I'd probably be broke and living at home for the next ten years. Because God isnt just going to bless my passions and give me that perfect non-profit job. I had to make sacrifices and choose the well paying, financial path. That isnt favor or blessing, thats just me making sacrifices and doing everything in my own might. I don't see favor in that, or God in that..I just see me, pushing and striving and working hard, all the time...


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## LiftedUp (Nov 8, 2014)

I hear what you're saying but what you described isn't 'just you'. You are not totally in control. Sane with this situation.


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 8, 2014)

LiftedUp said:


> I hear what you're saying but what you described isn't 'just you'. You are not totally in control. Sane with this situation.



It certainly feels like its just me. I feel very alone and abandoned by God, sincerely and honestly.


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## JaneBond007 (Nov 8, 2014)

OP, I won't tell you how to feel because I have felt what you are feeling.  Just hang in there and if all you've got is, "good morning, G-d,thanks" then give it that and don't feel guilty.  You'll get over this and begin to see the bigger picture.  No, G-d doesn't seem very fair at times.  I feel your pain.

You said FH's an IT professional and a youth pastor?  Has he tried any churches to interview with?


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 9, 2014)

JaneBond007 said:


> OP, I won't tell you how to feel because I have felt what you are feeling.  Just hang in there and if all you've got is, "good morning, G-d,thanks" then give it that and don't feel guilty.  You'll get over this and begin to see the bigger picture.  No, G-d doesn't seem very fair at times.  I feel your pain.
> 
> You said FH's an IT professional and a youth pastor?  Has he tried any churches to interview with?




Just wanted to say thank you all, for receiving my comments without judgement and disdain. I actually posted on another forum, not here on LHC, but another site, and got a lot of flack for being "uppity" and "entitled.", I guess for expecting and feeling like FI and I should have better during this season. I grew up in a church that emphasizes favor and blessings a lot, and very much leans towards the positivity side. They do preach that there will be struggles at times, but that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm feeling much better today, than I did yesterday, so I'm thankful for that.  Maybe Sundays just bring a little more hope, than the typical M-F. Still not sure how the next 5 weeks is going to pan out. All the preparations and plans are underway, so we definetely can't move the wedding, not that I even want to  FI has been amazing through it all, really. I guess all we can do is try to pray about our next move.
Thanks for the advice Jane. He has applied to many public and private sector jobs, but not churches actually. He is the drummer, and youth pastor at his father's church, for free and gladly (he loves kids and music), but I'll toss out the idea to him.
Thanks everyone. Its hard going through the shaky times alone, and it feels like no one understands what you are going through. But if anything, thanks for the lack of judgement, and allowing me to flesh this out. I have been a member on here for years, but just subscribed recently because I knew there were a great set of Christian women here, who could maybe set me straight


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## PhonyBaloney500 (Nov 9, 2014)

What does FI stand for (as opposed to FH)? 

If he's had that many interviews and no luck and sent that many applications maybe he needs some coaching. Being unemployed is depressing and if he brings that sadness to the interview he won't succeed. They can smell desperation. He should go to a counselor and coach. Also what networking is he doing in the industry and with alumni from his school? 

I know it sounds like a long time but it really hasn't  been that long. It takes a few months to find a job. 

Overall counseling is important for the self esteem issues that come with unemployment.


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 9, 2014)

PhonyBaloney500 said:


> What does FI stand for (as opposed to FH)?
> 
> If he's had that many interviews and no luck and sent that many applications maybe he needs some coaching. Being unemployed is depressing and if he brings that sadness to the interview he won't succeed. They can smell desperation. He should go to a counselor and coach. Also what networking is he doing in the industry and with alumni from his school?
> 
> ...



He has actually received great feedback from employers, and is usually called back for a second round of interviews. Some interviews have been tougher than others for him, but in general, he gets called back, so I take it he is communicating his strengths quite well. A coach wouldnt hurt though, maybe if he could find someone specifically within his field to coach him. I think the job market may just be competitive where we are located though.
He has attended many, many job fairs, especially those hosted by his undergraduate institution, but unfortunately, there isnt much of an alumni network there. The graduates are pretty much on their own. He has reached out to his undergraduate institution/affiliated departments, without much luck.
He has also tried introducing himself to companies in person, but they all tell him to apply online, which he does. That's why he just keeps applying online; "networking" these days seems to not be as useful as it once was. People just arent as keen to say "I'll float your resume by my boss". Even our marriage counselor, who has degrees in IT and currently works for a big oil/gas company, knows he is looking for a position, and has not offered any help. There is a fine line between networking and begging...
I have family in the mid-west who work in the same field, and are actually doing very well. So, part of it may very well be location. But FH,(FI stands for Fiance), really wanted us to stay together as best we can. He really isnt a fan of a married couple living apart. But if that's where the jobs are, what can one do?


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## mensa (Nov 9, 2014)

Hi Msdentist2015,

I prayed for you and your FI today and I'm gonna keep on doing it until your breakthrough comes!

I'll keep checking on you too.


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 9, 2014)

mensa said:


> Hi Msdentist2015,
> 
> I prayed for you and your FI today and I'm gonna keep on doing it until your breakthrough comes!
> 
> I'll keep checking on you too.


That  means so much right now mensa!! I really appreciate it


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## mensa (Nov 9, 2014)

You"re welcome Doctor. (I'm Holy Ghost proud of you young lady).  

Keep pushing, keep praying, keep hoping..and neva, neva, eva give up.

Have a blessed evening.


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## FoxxyLocs (Nov 9, 2014)

God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want him to, but He does strengthen us to endure whatever is in His will. If you aren't getting the answer you want, I don't think not praying anymore is the answer. Maybe start praying for God to reveal Himself to you and help you to better understand what He's doing in your life. 

There are plenty of examples in scripture of people who "did everything right" and still had bad things happen to them, so we should never think we're exempt from struggling just because we're good people. Or that our struggles mean God has abandoned us.


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 9, 2014)

FoxxyLocs said:


> God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want him to, but He does strengthen us to endure whatever is in His will. If you aren't getting the answer you want, I don't think not praying anymore is the answer. Maybe start praying for God to reveal Himself to you and help you to better understand what He's doing in your life.
> 
> There are plenty of examples in scripture of people who "did everything right" and still had bad things happen to them, so we should never think we're exempt from struggling just because we're good people. Or that our struggles mean God has abandoned us.



Deep down, I know this. I really do. I don't expect God to just hand me everything because I follow his commandments and have tried to live a holy life. But I think in this particular situation, FH and I were really trying to do things the biblical way. I'm sure if he was willing to move anywhere and everywhere, and just pursue his career at all costs, he would probably be employed by now. But then, we likely would not be in the same city...I think we just wanted to start off our marriage on solid ground, being together at least, and I think that's what God wants and supports. We just want to be able to afford the basic necessities in life, that's all. But I guess we will just have to see what God does.


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## Shimmie (Nov 10, 2014)

msdentist2015

I've been reading your thread and the only response that I have is that I am praying for you and your future husband.  I am praying God's best for both of you and more for God's peace to prevail in your hearts more than ever before.  

When trials come, it is always to fall into the welcoming and loving arms of God all the more.  We take our minds off of the situation and just 'rest' and 'trust' in God's love for us.  Being 'stuck' on our plans only causes a 'resentment' and a wedge between us and what God is actually trying to give us as His loving gift and answers to our prayers. 

God bless you and I  mean this beyond words.  

Shimmie


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## JaneBond007 (Nov 10, 2014)

She's a g-send, actually, because it's so easy to see peace when you're on the other side of the fence.  Everybody has a breaking point.  Yeah, when you look back...yadda, yadda...but it would have been nice during...   All the words here are a comfort, I'm sure.  L-rd????  Sometimes, He takes the words right out of you.


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 10, 2014)

Shimmie,
Thanks for your words. FH and I are only human, and we tried to make things work the traditional way. We didnt want to resort to spending the early years of our marriage apart, unless we absolutely had to. He found out today, he got rejected from one of the positions he interviewed for last week. Its looking like more and more, he may have to move...which likely means we will be apart. I'm just trying to hold it together.


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## PhonyBaloney500 (Nov 10, 2014)

msdentist2015 said:


> He has actually received great feedback from employers, and is usually called back for a second round of interviews. Some interviews have been tougher than others for him, but in general, he gets called back, so I take it he is communicating his strengths quite well. A coach wouldnt hurt though, maybe if he could find someone specifically within his field to coach him. I think the job market may just be competitive where we are located though.
> He has attended many, many job fairs, especially those hosted by his undergraduate institution, but unfortunately, there isnt much of an alumni network there. The graduates are pretty much on their own. He has reached out to his undergraduate institution/affiliated departments, without much luck.
> He has also tried introducing himself to companies in person, but they all tell him to apply online, which he does. That's why he just keeps applying online; "networking" these days seems to not be as useful as it once was. People just arent as keen to say "I'll float your resume by my boss". Even our marriage counselor, who has degrees in IT and currently works for a big oil/gas company, knows he is looking for a position, and has not offered any help. There is a fine line between networking and begging...
> I have family in the mid-west who work in the same field, and are actually doing very well. So, part of it may very well be location. But FH,(FI stands for Fiance), really wanted us to stay together as best we can. He really isnt a fan of a married couple living apart. But if that's where the jobs are, what can one do?



Hmm maybe you are meant to get your position first and figure out  where you'll be before he gets his job so it can be in the same place. Keep your head up!


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## msdentist2015 (Nov 10, 2014)

@PhoneyBaloney500,
Maybe so. I've often thought of that as well. But that still leaves us without a home together for the next 6 months...I don't start residency till July.


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## Shimmie (Nov 10, 2014)

msdentist2015 said:


> Shimmie,
> Thanks for your words. FH and I are only human, and we tried to make things work the traditional way. We didnt want to resort to spending the early years of our marriage apart, unless we absolutely had to. He found out today, he got rejected from one of the positions he interviewed for last week. Its looking like more and more, he may have to move...which likely means we will be apart. I'm just trying to hold it together.



I don't know how or when, yet I see God truly working this out for the two of you.   Each day, just thank God for working it out.   When the pain continues to present itself to you, just look up to Heaven... Dear Father.. My Sure God in Heaven and in Earth and in our Hearts...We thank you for working this out.  Thank you Jesus...thank you for working this out. ...in YOUR Name...Amen. 

Thank you Lord Jesus.  You already worked this out.  Amen.


Drown out the hurts and discouragement. ..with prayer praises.  Watch how God heals your broken heart over this.   

God said, "Choose you this day...

What will you choose?   

  God's praise which lives in you heart.  You are life line to your husband's faith.


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## Farida (Nov 27, 2014)

Don't take this the wrong way, but in time you need to grow into some spiritual maturity. I know because I have been where you are and continue to go where you are every so often.

I am like you in the sense that I have worked very hard to control my life believing if I do everything the right way surely blessings will follow. That is not the case. We live in an imperfect world and even the hardest of work and passion very often do not lead to fruition. 

Maybe you are working so hard in something that may not be where you are meant to be. Meant to be I mean by God and not because of your passion and intellect. I have started moving towards praying to God and crying out about my suffering and asking him to take it away rather than praying for a specific outcome.

At first I wondered what the point was. I thought of Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane. He prayed for God to take his suffering away. Why? He knew it was meant to be. So why bother praying if God's will will reign supreme? I realized in crying to God we allow him to ease our pain like a parent would ease a child's pain in a situation that cannot be fixed. I also think it allows God to begin to soften your heart and guide you to his will and eventually you will submit.

God is our master, we are servants.  A servant does not order his master do what the servant thinks is best. God tells us what to do but sometimes we are too busy trying to make ourselves into something else. Just keep working hard and cry out to God. It will work out in the end, even if it is not how you imagined.

BTW, why have you been engaged 1.5 years? What's the delay?


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## JaneBond007 (Nov 28, 2014)

^^That's not a long time for American engagements.  Only about 4% marry from 0-6 months, 7-12 @ 27%,  40% wait 14-18, 19-24 @23% and  24+ at 6%.  Sorry for the factoid, I couldn't help it.  But it's not long indicating a problem.  Most wait to build more of a nest egg or to cover the cost of the wedding to avoid debt into the marriage.  With their troubles, it's best to hold off until they can get employment.


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## msdentist2015 (Dec 4, 2014)

Our relatively long engagement, was due to planning a wedding. In my culture, its not highly looked upon for 2 people to just go off and get married/elope, its really a family affair with people flying in from abroad, etc. There will be somewhere around 400 people at my wedding, who have booked flights around this date, so, one cannot just up and change the date..
Maybe uncomfortable times makes one grow, but the biggest lesson I've learned is to make logical career decisions. I don't know where to place God in this series of events, but I do know that due to all the dissapointments of the "corporate" world, FI and I are going to choose the stable path, and pursue careers in healthcare. I simply cannot build a future family worrying about the next large series of layoffs. If men are supposed to be biblical providers, how can they do so when some manager is willing to cut you off for the smallest profit margin? Yea, I'm not about that life. I make logical decisions.Because at the end of the day, no one is going to support you, but you.


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## msdentist2015 (Dec 4, 2014)

JaneBond007 said:


> ^^That's not a long time for American engagements.  Only about 4% marry from 0-6 months, 7-12 @ 27%,  40% wait 14-18, 19-24 @23% and  24+ at 6%.  Sorry for the factoid, I couldn't help it.  But it's not long indicating a problem.  Most wait to build more of a nest egg or to cover the cost of the wedding to avoid debt into the marriage.  With their troubles, it's best to hold off until they can get employment.



When a wedding involves over 400 attendees, clearly funded by our families, one can't just change the wedding date because life starts going haywire, and the corporate world rears its ugly head. The show must go on. Its all made me question the idea of "God will come through for you." FI was perfectly employed and hardworking for most of our engagement, so its not like one can plan for layoffs/getting fired/whatever. The only thing I feel one can do is position themselves in stable fields that don't layoff people without blinking an eye. Not sure what path God plays in any of this, but it is what it is.


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## LiftedUp (Dec 4, 2014)

I went to a retreat this year and was told something that I found was a "breakthrough".  Usually, when you're going through a trial, you need to find out what is the lesson God is trying to show and teach you, acknowledge it and learn it quickly.  The faster you do that, the faster things start to fall back into place.  

There is a recurring trend in your posts, try to find it and everything else will fall into place.

All the best


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## crazytrish75 (Dec 5, 2014)

LiftedUp said:


> There is a recurring trend in your posts, try to find it and everything else will fall into place.
> 
> All the best




^^^^, 

One major lesson I have learned, is that everything will work out ok in the end if you just trust in Him. It always does. Don't give up hope!


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## JaneBond007 (Dec 5, 2014)

msdentist2015 said:


> When a wedding involves over 400 attendees, clearly funded by our families, one can't just change the wedding date because life starts going haywire, and the corporate world rears its ugly head. The show must go on. Its all made me question the idea of "God will come through for you." FI was perfectly employed and hardworking for most of our engagement, so its not like one can plan for layoffs/getting fired/whatever. The only thing I feel one can do is position themselves in stable fields that don't layoff people without blinking an eye. Not sure what path God plays in any of this, but it is what it is.




There are plenty of people who were gainfully employed but with wife and kids, their parents in their homes who needed care and they've lost their jobs.  What goes on is faith.  Nothing is promised to us but that G-d is with us.  That means, He is with us when the going gets tough - not that He necessarily removes the problem.  

Can he take a lesser position right now so that he still feels productive?  And the healthcare field does lay off or, better terms, furlough its people.  The only steady thing... is G-d.  Don't give up.  Don't give in to the perfect image.  This is a test of your marriage.


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## 4HisGlory (Dec 5, 2014)

msdentist2015, 

This is the time to hold strong to your faith not abandon it.  It's easy to believe when life is going well or we only have to deal with minor hiccups. It's during times of trials that we get to demonstrate and prove the depths of our faith. Consider it pure joy whenever  trouble comes your way. Not if, but when because we know that the testing of our faith produces perseverance. We are not promised to have a life full of roses. It just won't be, even if you follow every law. Salvation is our reward! It will never be here on earth. 

My husband and I believe we did it right too. He earned his PhD debt free, me my masters. Got married then started having kids. I had 2 kids under 3 and he gets laid off from his job. He was out of work for 11 months. A Christian, active member of our church, hard working, dedicated husband, father and provider. He made it a top priority to find a job and he worked at it 12 hours a day for 11 long months. At one point he considered delivering pizzas at night or working at the gas station. We determined that it wouldn't be worth it financially. He would still make less than his unemployment check but I still had to fight him not to do it. He wanted to work just that bad.  

I hated seeing the look of defeat in his eyes when I retuned home from work and he had no leads or gotten a rejection. I had many low points but I never gave up. Each time I felt those feelings creep in I went to scripture. (Matthew 6:25 - 27, 11:28 - 30).  There were many days that I said the same passage every over and over all day long. I just had to keep repeating because life had me down. My emotions got the best of me several times but I had to strengthen myself so that I could be a cheerleader and pillar of support for my husband and a good mom to my girls. Only God could provide me with that strength because it was no where in me. Non-believers in my ear telling me to do things that were selfish but thankfully God also put people around me that could help hold me up literally and figuratively when I could not do it myself. They allowed me to cry my eyes out, prayed for me, listened to me, threatened to kick my butt, kept my kids for free. Whatever I needed.  

In the end I found out that I was too controlling. Always trying to plan, control, and direct life. Even though it was my husband that lost his job I felt like it was my lesson. In the end I just heard God screaming, sit down somewhere child, you don't run nothing. I got this (life).  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   

Tell God what you are feeling. Tell him about your doubts. Surrender and ask him for strength to endure. I do not know the lesson that God has in store for you but I hope that you are encouraged.   

Praying for you and FH.


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## msdentist2015 (Dec 6, 2014)

4HisGlory said:


> msdentist2015,
> 
> This is the time to hold strong to your faith not abandon it.  It's easy to believe when life is going well or we only have to deal with minor hiccups. It's during times of trials that we get to demonstrate and prove the depths of our faith. Consider it pure joy whenever  trouble comes your way. Not if, but when because we know that the testing of our faith produces perseverance. We are not promised to have a life full of roses. It just won't be, even if you follow every law. Salvation is our reward! It will never be here on earth.
> 
> ...



I appreciate your words and testimony. I think its just been "hit after hit after hit" this year, and I'm almost numb to all the dissapointments, losses, and everything that didnt go right this year. FI lost his mother and lost his job all within a 6 month time frame. Not counting the multiple job rejections he has had to deal with. I don't see the favor or grace in any of that, I'm sorry. At least we are alive and healthy.
I understand not wanting to "control" everything, but I'm also someone who believes in taking action. I don't really see God as a magician anymore, who will just pop in and turn your situation around..not sure if that's how he really works. The Bible says he is no respecter of persons, sure. But I guess his ways are not our ways anyways. I 'm not sure if I expect God to make anything better or lift us out of uncomfortable situations, as much as I know I have to work hard to achieve what I want in life.
Someone had mentioned that people get laid off in healthcare as well, but everyone knows healthcare providers have some of the highest job security around. I would like to believe God will just bless everything and every path, and open up great opportunities, but sometimes I guess one has to be practical, use logic and work towards paths that are more guaranteed. I don't want my husband struggling, going through cyclical layoffs every 5 years and constantly stressed about money and providing, because he "believes God will make a way." I don't think that's the path God intends for us and our future family, if he has a particular path, that is.
My attitude these days is just "who knows". Everyone says the same encouraging words, "God is able", "He will do it, etc" I want to believe that, and hope he eventually does, whatever "It" actually is.


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