# The First Woman to Break A Generational Curse?



## Blessed_Angel (Jan 27, 2008)

I am proud to admit that I am the first woman in my family to have broken a generational curse!  My grandmother was really mean, cruel and neglectful and abusive to my mother. And my mother treated me and my siblings the same way (thank goodness drugs nor alcohol was the culprit and/or reason for their actions; they're both just crazy ). 

While growing up, I vowed to never treat my kids this way. I now have a 2-year-old daughter, in which I am happily married to her father for almost 3 years (been together for 6 1/2). We not only planned our pregnancy, we also made sure that she would have the good life that she has now and will have in the future. Any monetary gifts that we recieve for her goes into her account. And as soon as I go back to work; we will begin saving for her college education. 

I am loving, affectionate, and supportive of my baby and family. I read to my daughter everyday, and I make extra effort to ensure that she knows that I love and adore her (you can see it in the way she's so happy all the time; even in her pics). I don't want her to ever feel what I felt growing up. I don't want her to ever doubt our love for her. She's 2 1/2 and she can count to 30 (almost perfectly; can't seem to say 15, 16 and 17, but she recognizes the numbers though), knows ALL her ABC's, most of her body parts, and most of the Sesame Street characters. I am currently teaching her colors and shapes. I feel proud that my daughter knows all these things and loves learning. And proud that as a stay-at-home mother, I am teaching her these things myself. Though I can't wait to see how she will excel when she gets to school. 

I have to admit that I still have anger towards my mother; I guess it's because she has no remorse for what she did. She says that she don't hate her mother for how she treated her; so that I shouldn't be angry with her. But my mother still calls me crying about the things her mother did to her!!?? I don't feel the same pain that I used to; but sometimes I can't help but be reminded. It just makes me sad that what we suffered could have been prevented. And that it was all intentional (although she was getting food stamps, we hardly had any food in the house). Besides, she still treats me like crap; so I love her from a distance. Too bad, cause she don't know what a good daughter she's missing out on. I actually feel sorry for her. She's missing out on a lot of love from me and my daughter. But I guess it has to be that way, when you have so little love to give.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Please feel free to share your experience on the road to victory and how you overcame from being a victim to a conqueror. God is real..and sometimes the things we suffer in life, are the things we need in order to be encouraged to love ourselves; even if no one else does. Because you know what: God always has and He will. 

**I can do all things through Christ that strengths me**


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## ClassicChic (Jan 27, 2008)

Thank you for sharing.

I am so proud that you made an oath to yourself years ago and kept it. Many people say "oh I will not be like this or that". In the end, without even knowing they become the very person they long not to be.

What a blessing your have expereinced!


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## BlkOnyx488 (Jan 27, 2008)

that's  a very powerful testimony, thank you for sharing!!

i personally have broken the generational curse of divorce in my family.  And I teach my boys, that's finding the right mate to be your wife is one of God's greatest gifts that he has given us.  

It's such a beautiful thing when you know you have the Victory!


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## CandiceC (Jan 27, 2008)

Thanks for sharing your testimony! 

Some people just don't realize the impact/seriousness of generational curses.


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## ellennicole (Jan 27, 2008)

Wow. Your post brought tears to my eyes, esp the part about how your daughter feels love everyday. 

I congratulate you on breaking the curse.


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## remnant (Jan 27, 2008)

I truly know what you mean Halleluia to Jesus Christ!


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 27, 2008)

Ladies, thanks for your replies of support. 

BlkOnyx, congrats on breaking your curse. CandieC, I agree, many people don't realize that. Many assume that this all they know. But that is not true. I saw many kids around me who knew that they were loved. I mean, you can tell in their behavior and how they carried themselves. And since I couldn't have that, I knew that it would be a blessing to give that to my children. If we all thought that way; this world would be a better place. And Black people would feel better about themselves as a whole. I think we're the one race in the world that has been infected with the self-hate bug. But that's because we pass it on to our loved ones through every generation. Very sad.


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## Nice & Wavy (Jan 27, 2008)

Wow...what a powerful testimony.  Thank you for sharing.


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## Honey6928215 (Jan 27, 2008)

I am curious, Sweetladylovely2,

How does your mother react to your daughter?  Sometimes parents who weren't such great parents to their own children will try and make it up by being loving to their grandchildren.


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 27, 2008)

Now, she acts like she loves her. She even "braggs" that my baby will be skinny like her "father" (calling me big underneath it all ). I don't think she's for real though, but at the same time, I really don't know. I'd rather not have my daughter around all her judging, lying and cursing (yes, she curses more than Chris Rock...lol)erplexed, so I only bring her around every few months. 

But when I told her that I was pregnant (when I was engaged), she told me that I shouldn't have a baby cause I was not married. But bragged to me a couple of months later that my sister was pregnant. So I stated that she wasn't married either, but my mother said and I quote: "oh, but it's ok, cause the guy has a house and a good job with a pension". My husband has a good job as well, and we just bought a co-op last year. But it shouldn't be about money; and that is all she's about. 

My mother-in-law was there throughout my pregnancy and labor, and after. She never was. She only came to see my baby twice in her two years. The only reason she wants to visit us now is cause she wants to see how our new co-op looks  (it's actually really nice, but my home is a place of peace and happiness, and she doesn't fit in here. Besides, I don't have anything to prove to her anymore). Before that, she never cared to visit. See what I mean, right? My life is so good, I don't need that in my life. I accept that I cannot change her, but I will not deal with her, either. We speak once a month. I can't take no more of that...lol.


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## Honey6928215 (Jan 27, 2008)

sweetladylovely2 said:


> Now, she acts like she loves her. She even "braggs" that my baby will be skinny like her "father" (calling me big underneath it all ). I don't think she's for real though, but at the same time, I really don't know. I'd rather not have my daughter around all her judging, lying and cursing (yes, she curses more than Chris Rock...lol)erplexed, so I only bring her around every few months.
> 
> But when I told her that I was pregnant (when I was engaged), she told me that I shouldn't have a baby cause I was not married. But bragged to me a couple of months later that my sister was pregnant. So I stated that she wasn't married either, but my mother said and I quote: "oh, but it's ok, cause the guy has a house and a good job with a pension". My husband has a good job as well, and we just bought a co-op last year. But it shouldn't be about money; and that is all she's about.
> 
> My mother-in-law was there throughout my pregnancy and labor, and after. She never was. She only came to see my baby twice in her two years. The only reason she wants to visit us now is cause she wants to see how our new co-op looks  (it's actually really nice, but my home is a place of peace and happiness, and she doesn't fit in here. Besides, I don't have anything to prove to her anymore). Before that, she never cared to visit. See what I mean, right? My life is so good, I don't need that in my life. I accept that I cannot change her, but I will not deal with her, either. We speak once a month. I can't take no more of that...lol.


 
Man, I'm sorry to hear that.  You would think that they would change because they are not getting any younger but I guess they don't see that until they get old and need someone to take care of them.


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 27, 2008)

I know, but some people never change. She can't stand that I don't kiss her butt for her money. We have our own. Instead of being proud that I am independant, she can't stand it. Every one of my siblings who are independant, are not close to her. She treats us like crap cause we don't suck up to her. She can't stand that she cannot control us. That's what is boils down to. She'd rather that we use her; anything to make her feel needed and "appreciated". But we do need a mother; just not for financial support. She can't give emotional support, so she gives what she can. Too bad we we're not for sale.


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 27, 2008)

This is my baby girl and me with her in the bottom one.


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## Honey6928215 (Jan 27, 2008)

AWWW...she's an angel!  She has some thick hair, too.  Your daughter is beautiful!


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## CherishMeNaturally (Jan 27, 2008)

TOO FREAKIN' CUTE! She is adorable and congrats on EVERYTHING you are doing. I saw myself becoming victim to a generational curse and that thing bought me DOWN...instead of fighting it as I really wanted to I relented and kept giving it and just feeling like I had to accept it because I had no choice and if my mother is that way I'm bound to be also. She is a compulsive spender and eater. That is how she deals with emotions and being around that and growing up together (she is 14 years older than me) I really picked up on all her habits. Spending before paying the bills, bad credit, overeating...etc. I was feeling so down about it one day because I was falling back and I was at church and my pastor came over to me and said THE CURSE IS BROKEN...I was already crying and being hysterical at the church at this point...do you know I really went went crazy then?!?! But it was soo worth it and the Spirit of God is real. There is NO way I would have the strength and conviction to understand when I am doing things the irresponsible way and following back,. I am not where I need to be quite yet but I'm working on it and I just pray that I continue on my path because I have come a far way and when my motheer was my age she had four kids from the ages of 9-2 and I only have my 2 y/o who is very well taken care of and I do it ALL BY MYSELF...thank you God!


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## fuchsiastar (Jan 27, 2008)

First off, you and your little angel are BEAUTIFUL!!!! You can really tell that she has confidence and feels valued in this world, and that is a wonderful thing!! 

Secondly, thank you for sharing your victory with us all. I agree with you that being negative and not showing love is one of the leftovers from what African American people have gone through, and I appreciate you for taking the time and energy and devotion to break that curse in your household. You have inspired me to focus more on giving positive feedback in my relationships with the young people in my life.


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## OhmyKimB (Jan 27, 2008)

That's beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!11


how do you know if you have a generational curse in your family?


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## dlewis (Jan 27, 2008)

I'm thankful that you shared this.  It's so wonderful that you didn't ue the excuse "My moma was like this so that's all I know".  I hear so many people say that, it's a shame.  Just because everyone in your family is a certain way don't mean you have to be.

Blessings to you and your family.  Your daughter is beautiful.


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## dlewis (Jan 27, 2008)

BeyondBlessed said:


> That's beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!11
> 
> 
> how do you know if you have a generational curse in your family?



Most families have them.

Examples:

all the women in a family tend to have children out of wedlock
all the women in a family tend to sleep with married men
sexual abuse
cussing
most people in the family tend to be negative
the family loves to keep up confussion
unhealthy competition between children in a family
all the men in the family cheat, beat their wives


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## PinkPebbles (Jan 27, 2008)

Your daughter is beautiful! Her smile can light up a room and that goes to show that you have done an amazing job in raising your precious daughter!

Many Blessings to you.


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## remnant (Jan 27, 2008)

dlewis said:


> Most families have them.
> 
> Examples:
> 
> ...


 

I agree with Dlewis
more examples:
women sterility in two or more generations
immature men
even diseases, addictions and poverty can be generational curses
no women/men are married in the family
women in the family ony attracted wrong men (thieves, cheater, witchcrafted...) 
.....


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## Blessed_Angel (Jan 27, 2008)

Thank you ladies. My baby's a lot of fun too. 

Cherish, keep fighting the good fight. You have to know that you can be better; and then you will be. You will strive for it. It's like you're choking, and you need fresh air to breathe: you just simply have to have it. You have to go through that painful process of healing (listen to Kelly Price's 'Healing'; it's a beautiful song). You will cry so much, you'll find bags under your eyes you didn't think could exist. I knew that how I was treated was wrong. It made me stronger, but weak at the same time. Subconsciously, I thought something was wrong with me; that caused her to treat me this way. It took me years to learn the truth. But consciously, I knew that I didn't deserve it. There was always this war between the two. And it helps to find someone who you can emulate that has the life you would like to have. I always wanted to be like Claire Huxtable. So poised, calm and loving and happy and also fun. I have yet to get there. But that's what I aspire. I pray that you get to where you need to be. Keep praying. It does work.  (faith without works does nothing).

Fushia, thank you for your comment. I am still working on being a better person too. Not just a good mother. I am working on having more patience. I love my sisters but they are just like my mother. My older sister curses at her kids, calls my niece a bit** and stuff (just like mom did to us). I can't take her. I wish she would address her pain and anger, so that she can see that she's just inheriting her pain. She just claims that "she don't play that sh**". She just want everyone to be miserable like her. Outside of that, she would be a beautiful person. 

God bless ya'll


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## Mahalialee4 (Jan 29, 2008)

Oh dear. I truly empathize with you. You seem to have such a sweet unspoiled spirit and you are a blessing to this planet and to mankind. I think that is because God has his hand on you, knowing you even when you were in the womb and that is why you are the person you are. I believe that although there are many families struggling under generational curses, that within these generations, in His mercy he lays his hand on one or more descendants. Why? In order that the curse can be lifted by them seeking God's ways and knowing God's love that they can pass on to their children and bless generations ahead of them, that they can become "ministers of righteousness, repairers in the breach...to raise up the old foundations." And so you are laying down new foundations for your children. I will not share my horrendous childhood with you here, but I do want to tell you that I can really relate to the severe rejection, hurt and bewilderment etc. you have suffered over the years. God became my mother and my father and all of my relatives.  My sweet older sister refers to me and her as "the Color Purple" sisters and she can never be around me without weeping and hugging me often and telling me she loves me,  because we were separated from the age of 2 for me and four for her until adulthood. May God restore to you the years the enemy has stolen from you. I truly believe He is doing something wonderful in your life, even now and will give you the strength and wisdom to overcome.  and if none of your family has ever told you, "I am so sorry" and meant it...I say it to you"(Big hug)love Mahalia


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## Sui Topi (Jan 29, 2008)

Keep praying for your family!...What you said about your daughters happiness radiating through is so true. She's so beautiful and she looks like such a sweet pleasant girl, raised in love. I have a 10 month old son and I am trying to do the same by him. 
I'm not against spanking kids, infact, when it's called for I'm the first in line to give it, but whats stronger than punishment in raising kids is love! Just like the christians relationship with God, if they love you and respsect you, they will follow all your rules and try to make your life pleasant just to please you. I have my own struggles with my family and their influence over my son too, and my only advice to you is to keep praying for them anyway.


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## Sky (Feb 2, 2008)

sweetladylovely2 said:


> I am proud to admit that I am the first woman in my family to have broken a generational curse!  My grandmother was really mean, cruel and neglectful and abusive to my mother. And my mother treated me and my siblings the same way (thank goodness drugs nor alcohol was the culprit and/or reason for their actions; they're both just crazy ).
> 
> While growing up, I vowed to never treat my kids this way. I now have a 2-year-old daughter, in which I am happily married to her father for almost 3 years (been together for 6 1/2). We not only planned our pregnancy, we also made sure that she would have the good life that she has now and will have in the future. Any monetary gifts that we recieve for her goes into her account. And as soon as I go back to work; we will begin saving for her college education.
> 
> ...





Thank you so much for sharing that was so deep. I said a prayer for you while I was reading this post - that you will continue to walk the path of light and be a positive example for your daugther and other mothers as well.

 My mother broke a generational curse from her mom and my great grandma (who passed when I was very young). My grandmother was very negative, jealous, used most of the men she dated and discarded them after they no longer could satisfy her. My mom is totally opposite. They are both stunning in looks and its like my mom used her looks for good - not to take advantage of others. I thank God everyday that my mom chose to go down this path and while she still loves her mom and they have a very close relationship, she is nothing like her and prays and meditates everyday to be able to forgive and bless her. Continue to stay strong - your little girl and any future children will appreciate it as they grow older - I dont know who I would be without the positive example from my mom - I feel like everything I am today is because of the person she is.


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## Theo (Feb 3, 2008)

Sweetlady, your baby is gorgeous and more importantly, she knows it!!!  I am really happy for you.


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## Theo (Feb 3, 2008)

And she's got some really cute outfits... where do you shop for her? Just asking.. for further reference I guess.


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## Blessed_Angel (Feb 10, 2008)

Mahalialee4 said:


> Oh dear. I truly empathize with you. You seem to have such a sweet unspoiled spirit and you are a blessing to this planet and to mankind. I think that is because God has his hand on you, knowing you even when you were in the womb and that is why you are the person you are. I believe that although there are many families struggling under generational curses, that within these generations, in His mercy he lays his hand on one or more descendants. Why? In order that the curse can be lifted by them seeking God's ways and knowing God's love that they can pass on to their children and bless generations ahead of them, that they can become "ministers of righteousness, repairers in the breach...to raise up the old foundations." And so you are laying down new foundations for your children. I will not share my horrendous childhood with you here, but I do want to tell you that I can really relate to the severe rejection, hurt and bewilderment etc. you have suffered over the years. God became my mother and my father and all of my relatives. My sweet older sister refers to me and her as "the Color Purple" sisters and she can never be around me without weeping and hugging me often and telling me she loves me, because we were separated from the age of 2 for me and four for her until adulthood. May God restore to you the years the enemy has stolen from you. I truly believe He is doing something wonderful in your life, even now and will give you the strength and wisdom to overcome. and if none of your family has ever told you, "I am so sorry" and meant it...I say it to you"(Big hug)love Mahalia


 
Mahalia, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. You are soo sweet. I am sorry to hear about your seperation from your sister and probably family. At least you guys are making up for the lost time. I see that she is still hurting. I do believe that there are some things we just don't get over. But I do pray that you both can find some healing. 

I do know that God has his hand on me. I've known that for a long time. Most of my prayers have been answered, and my life spared many times. God is real, and so is His love and mercy. I pray for myself for healing and peace in my life, as I strive to be a better person. 

May God bless you and your family


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## Blessed_Angel (Feb 10, 2008)

Sui Topi said:


> Keep praying for your family!...What you said about your daughters happiness radiating through is so true. She's so beautiful and she looks like such a sweet pleasant girl, raised in love. I have a 10 month old son and I am trying to do the same by him.
> I'm not against spanking kids, infact, when it's called for I'm the first in line to give it, but whats stronger than punishment in raising kids is love! Just like the christians relationship with God, if they love you and respsect you, they will follow all your rules and try to make your life pleasant just to please you. I have my own struggles with my family and their influence over my son too, and my only advice to you is to keep praying for them anyway.


 
I totally agree with you...I am the disciplinarian for my daughter, so sometimes I have to be the bad guy. But I know that it will teach the respect and discipline that she needs to be a good productive person in this world. 

And, yes, I will keep praying for my family.


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## Blessed_Angel (Feb 10, 2008)

Sky said:


> Thank you so much for sharing that was so deep. I said a prayer for you while I was reading this post - that you will continue to walk the path of light and be a positive example for your daugther and other mothers as well.
> 
> My mother broke a generational curse from her mom and my great grandma (who passed when I was very young). My grandmother was very negative, jealous, used most of the men she dated and discarded them after they no longer could satisfy her. My mom is totally opposite. They are both stunning in looks and its like my mom used her looks for good - not to take advantage of others. I thank God everyday that my mom chose to go down this path and while she still loves her mom and they have a very close relationship, she is nothing like her and prays and meditates everyday to be able to forgive and bless her. Continue to stay strong - your little girl and any future children will appreciate it as they grow older - I dont know who I would be without the positive example from my mom - I feel like everything I am today is because of the person she is.


 
Wow, you are so blessed to have a mother who has enough love to make the decision to be better.  I will surely be happy when my daughter is an adult, and has her own children, and she shows them the love that I have shown her. And if you didn't have the same, you would have survived just as I did. But it's so much better to live life with all the love. God bless you.


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## Blessed_Angel (Feb 10, 2008)

freelove said:


> And she's got some really cute outfits... where do you shop for her? Just asking.. for further reference I guess.


 
The first dress I bought at Century 21 here in NYC (for like $16), the second one was from Old Navy, the third one is a Guess top that I bought at Century 21 ($13). And the pink dress, I think I got that at S&D Kids in Brooklyn (but they may be all over, I doubt it though, I haven't seen it anywhere else). Not sure of the price though. And the belt came with a black and white polk a dot shirt, and I just put it on with the dress.

This girl has more clothes than I do. And I often go to Macy's' clearance section to see what I can find for $5 to $10. They usually have really cute stuff. But Century's is a big and popular store in New York, and I go crazy at their clearance sales (that reminds me they might have one going on now, so I'm gonna check this week). I bought her leggings for $0.39 a few months ago! And I also check ebay for deals too, if they have something really cute and different. But I don't usually find anything. But I keep trying.


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## kblc06 (Feb 11, 2008)

GodsDaughter said:


> This is my baby girl and me with her in the bottom one.




Ohhh I'm genuinely happy for you and your familly. I know first hand how a mother's unconditional love can shape you-it is something that I thank God everyday for (having a parent who is a mother, best friend, and confidant )


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## Blessed_Angel (Feb 11, 2008)

kblc06 said:


> Ohhh I'm genuinely happy for you and your familly. I know first hand how a mother's unconditional love can shape you-it is something that I thank God everyday for (having a parent who is a mother, best friend, and confidant )


 
Wow, you are truly blessed. I can only imagine how wonderful you feel inside...how good it must feel to know that the person that brought you into this world, thinks the world of you. If I could buy a good mother (and father as well), I would...but since I can't, I'll just *be* one!  And I thank God that my mother isn't worse than she already is.


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## kblc06 (Feb 11, 2008)

GodsDaughter said:


> Wow, you are truly blessed. I can only imagine how wonderful you feel inside...how good it must feel to know that the person that brought you into this world, thinks the world of you. If I could buy a good mother (and father as well), I would...but since I can't, *I'll just be one*!  And I thank God that my mother isn't worse than she already is.



And she seems so truly happy to have you . I can recount times that all me and my mother had was each other & our faith that God will- fortunately we have come a LOOOOONNNNGGG ways and can look back and laugh


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## Blessed_Angel (Feb 22, 2008)

kblc06 said:


> And she seems so truly happy to have you . I can recount times that all me and my mother had was each other & our faith that God will- fortunately we have come a LOOOOONNNNGGG ways and can look back and laugh


 
You two overcame your obstacles, and that is a blessing when you can now laugh; and not cry...lol


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## aribell (Oct 28, 2008)

My family has serious substance abuse issues.  My grandmother took us to bars with her as kids and was known for being kind of wild.  Two of my mother's brothers are former drug addicts and one of them is currently a violent alcoholic.  One of her sisters has recently died of alcohol poisoning, and another is close to doing the same.  My mother herself has her own alcohol problems.

_But this is what the Lord has done:_

I came to know the Lord independently when I was about 14.  He has truly redeemed me from all the inner and outer demons that plagued me even at that age.  Then, a few years later, my aunt became a Christian as well and has raised a lovely, healthy family.  Then, my sister became a Christian too.  And as much as has been in me, I have taught my kid brother (he's still a child) to believe in the Lord as well...and from the things that come out of his mouth, I know that the Spirit speaks to him.

I praise the Lord for this.  There is such a clear difference in this new generation, and I believe that we are the remnant for our family.  I believe the Lord has judged us for our sin,  but He has also left a remnant and is allowing His redemption to be known in our family.  I pray that obedience to Christ would spread more and more in my family members.


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## Highly Favored8 (Oct 28, 2008)

I did not notice this post until today. I am so happy Blessed that you over came the genera.curse. B/c so many families never come out. God is so Good He changes all things and situations.


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## Blessed_Angel (Feb 14, 2009)

nicola.kirwan said:


> My family has serious substance abuse issues. My grandmother took us to bars with her as kids and was known for being kind of wild. Two of my mother's brothers are former drug addicts and one of them is currently a violent alcoholic. One of her sisters has recently died of alcohol poisoning, and another is close to doing the same. My mother herself has her own alcohol problems.
> 
> _But this is what the Lord has done:_
> 
> ...


 
Hey, NK, I can't believe I haven't visited this thread in so long. 

It's a pleasure to have read your story and rejoice with you in your victory!! You have overcome the stronghold of the past. Thank God for Him for bringing your family on your wonderful spiritual journey. 

What is your relationship like with your mother now? Has she been inspired to turn her life around as well? 



Highly Favored8 said:


> I did not notice this post until today. I am so happy Blessed that you over came the genera.curse. B/c so many families never come out. God is so Good He changes all things and situations.


 
Thank you HF. Yes, God is so good and merciful. I am true testament of that. I am glad that it's over. But sadly a year later, she still hasn't changed or become much better. 

I have been meditating on whether or not I will completely remove her from my life for good. I don't know what to do. A part of me really wants to. A friend of mine says that I should have disowned her years ago (she did worse things than I could bear to discuss). I agree; yet disagree. I'll have to pray on this. I know what is best because she still continues to hurt me. That is why it's so hard to move on and just forget about it. 

I will continue to pray on it. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. How much more do I have to suffer?


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## dreamlovermd (Feb 14, 2009)

Blessed_Angel said:


> Hey, NK, I can't believe I haven't visited this thread in so long.
> 
> It's a pleasure to have read your story and rejoice with you in your victory!! You have overcome the stronghold of the past. Thank God for Him for bringing your family on your wonderful spiritual journey.
> 
> ...




I am so happy that you did not follow down the women in your family foot steps. I will pray for you in regards to your mother. Do you speak to your grandmother? Did you have a close loving relationship with your grandmother? They say a grandparent loves their grandchild more then their own children. 
Maybe your mother is jealous that you did not follow her, and she wished she was as strong as you to overcome what her mother put her through. That is the reason why she calls you for advice and comfort. Your that blessing she was secretly praying for, that angel in disguise, that peace that she finds in life. You are her strength and that jealousy that she has towards you, makes her say things that offends you. She doesn't know how to express her gratitude towards you because you two never had a close relationship.    

Pray about it and God will help you with your emotions towards her, and will help her change her ways. 

My mother and I do not have a close relationship; we never did. Looking back on my life, I remembering hearing smart comments my mother would make to me about my weight. My mother prefered boys and my brothers were always the favorite. My mother and I were like fire and ice, so I secluded myself in my room. I was the type of child that always knew what I wanted and I think, me never having to ask her for help in anything bothered her.  She would always look for things to pick on me about, especially my clothes. 
I am the first person in my father's side, and the first grandchild in my mother's side to finish college. I told myself as a child, I never wanted to be like my mother. I made sure I avoided anything that would make me like my mother. 98% of the women in my family, married early and had kids. I never wanted to be that way and I made sure I wasn't. I was abstinent all through high school and college. My biggest fear was being like my mother (she was a good mother) but, I just could not, would not cope with the idea of me being like my mom. 

God is GREAT


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## paradise79 (Feb 15, 2009)

First, your daughter is such a doll...and by the way her eyes are shinning on pics, she is probably the most happiest.
Congratulation for breaking the generational curse of your family. You did it!!!! I don't know about it but it's surey not easy and you've gone through it. Today you love your DD and you show her what a mum should be. 

Just my 2 cents if I may permit, concerning your mum. Just move on, give that issue to the Lord. Pray for her and ask the Lord to set your spirit and your mind free. I can imagine it's very hard otherwise you would already been done with this concern. But keep trying....handle it to Jesus, tell Him that you don't know how to deal with it, which way to go and give it to Him. Let Him handle the case. And He will.

God Bless you and your family.


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## ~*Tigget*~ (Feb 17, 2009)

Awww thanks for sharing OP.  We all have our stories, some bad some good.  I can relate to the estranged relationship you have w/ ur mother.  I don't have a good one w/ my mother.  But for some reason it keeps coming back up to encourage a better relationship with her....hmmm God heals all things.

I keep my distance for sanity purposes.  Altho I have allowed things to resurface in front of my kids, so now they have somewhat ill feelings at times.  They haven't said so, but I see it in their actions.  It was then that I realized I may have this issue w/ her, but its not fair that my kids have been lured into it.  She treats them well, and it wasn't that she treated me so mean.  But as a mother I didn't feel or have the protection or security a child should have or even love sometimes.  But I have dealt with those issues and am now in process of healing.


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## crlsweetie912 (Feb 17, 2009)

dlewis said:


> Most families have them.
> 
> Examples:
> 
> ...


 My family falls into a couple of those categories...
Thanks Blessed for sharing your awesome testimony!


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## Misseyl (Feb 17, 2009)

Thanks for sharing.. That's why when some people do things to family/friends/strangers and claim that it's because of the way they were treated as youngsters, I say poppycock, because like you, some people try to rise above whatever adversaries they encountered in life and spin it into something positive.


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## Blessed_Angel (May 16, 2009)

dreamlovermd said:


> I am so happy that you did not follow down the women in your family foot steps. I will pray for you in regards to your mother. Do you speak to your grandmother? Did you have a close loving relationship with your grandmother? They say a grandparent loves their grandchild more then their own children.
> Maybe your mother is jealous that you did not follow her, and she wished she was as strong as you to overcome what her mother put her through. That is the reason why she calls you for advice and comfort. Your that blessing she was secretly praying for, that angel in disguise, that peace that she finds in life. You are her strength and that jealousy that she has towards you, makes her say things that offends you. She doesn't know how to express her gratitude towards you because you two never had a close relationship.
> 
> Pray about it and God will help you with your emotions towards her, and will help her change her ways.
> ...


 
First off, thank you for your prayers...they're very much needed. 

I never got to know any of my grandmothers. They both passed when I was about 2 years old. I have plenty of aunts, but they weren't around much since my mother didn't want us around; still doesn't. 

Yes, you hit it right on the nose; she is jealous because of my strength and the fact that I am different from her. But mainly, she's upset that I am not her expections! She always told me that I was nothing and will always be nothing. And that's what I was supposed to be. And because I proved her wrong over and over again, she can't stand it. It could also be because the way she tried to set me up for failure...failed! She didn't realize that God and I had different plans. She wanted me to think that she had some "power" over my life...but it didn't hold me down the way she planned. She really can't handle it. 

Congratulations on being the first in your family to go to college!! That is something that you should be very proud of. 

It sounds like your mother couldn't stand you because what she saw in you was herself...and she probably didn't like herself. It's a shame, because many mothers treat the kids that would love them and treat them so well, like crap. And I bet you would give your mother the world because you love her. I guess that was just her way of loving you. Congrats on becoming a woman who'll love her children the way she wanted to be loved! 

God bless you! 



paradise79 said:


> First, your daughter is such a doll...and by the way her eyes are shinning on pics, she is probably the most happiest.
> Congratulation for breaking the generational curse of your family. You did it!!!! I don't know about it but it's surey not easy and you've gone through it. Today you love your DD and you show her what a mum should be.
> 
> Just my 2 cents if I may permit, concerning your mum. Just move on, give that issue to the Lord. Pray for her and ask the Lord to set your spirit and your mind free. I can imagine it's very hard otherwise you would already been done with this concern. But keep trying....handle it to Jesus, tell Him that you don't know how to deal with it, which way to go and give it to Him. Let Him handle the case. And He will.
> ...


 
Thank you so much!  Yes, my dd means the world to me. 

Thanks for your great advice. I've decided to do just that! Just this week I've realized that I can't take this anymore. 

My problem is not just what she did in the past; but what she continues to do. How do you heal from a pain that just keeps on coming?  That's like being run over by a truck. You heal in the hospital for a week, and when you get out you get hit again. You just can't heal. But I have decided that I am done holding on to the past pain. I've decided to forgive her; only because I know that it will free me! Now, I'll have to learn how to forgive...but I already feel better about the whole situation. But I don't think I could do this and have her a part of my life. 

May God bless you and yours as well.


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## A.Marie (May 18, 2009)

Yep, I'm late and just reading your post.  Thank you for sharing such a powerful testimony!  I enjoyed your story and hope and pray your mom comes to her senses and be a part of you and your daughter's life.


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## Blessed_Angel (May 19, 2009)

~*Tigget*~ said:


> Awww thanks for sharing OP. We all have our stories, some bad some good. I can relate to the estranged relationship you have w/ ur mother. I don't have a good one w/ my mother. But for some reason it keeps coming back up to encourage a better relationship with her....hmmm God heals all things.
> 
> I keep my distance for sanity purposes. Altho I have allowed things to resurface in front of my kids, so now they have somewhat ill feelings at times. They haven't said so, but I see it in their actions. It was then that I realized I may have this issue w/ her, but its not fair that my kids have been lured into it. She treats them well, and it wasn't that she treated me so mean. But as a mother I didn't feel or have the protection or security a child should have or even love sometimes. But I have dealt with those issues and am now in process of healing.


 
Hi, Tigget, congratulations on realizing the pain you have and was subconsciously inflicting onto your children. It's not too late to make it right. 

Your mother may not be perfect; but it sounds like she loves you. If you have the chance to have a better relationship with your mother, then, please do it! Life is short, you never know when she will no longer be here. If she can bring joy and happiness to your life (or rather more love than hurting), than by all  means give her another chance. If I could do the same; trust me I would. I pray that you and your mother can work things out; for your sake and for your children to enjoy their grandmother. They only get one. 

I wish you all the best in your journey to healing. It will be a long gritty road; I know, I've been on it for like forever. 

Stay blessed! 



crlsweetie912 said:


> My family falls into a couple of those categories...
> Thanks Blessed for sharing your awesome testimony!


 
You're very welcome. Thanks for e-listening. 

Yes, every family has some issue...but it's whether we deal with it or ignore it that makes all the difference. 



Misseyl said:


> Thanks for sharing.. That's why when some people do things to family/friends/strangers and claim that it's because of the way they were treated as youngsters, I say poppycock, because like you, some people try to rise above whatever adversaries they encountered in life and spin it into something positive.


 
You're welcome. And thank you; yes, that's exactly how I see it. 

There are many things we go through in life where what the devil meant for bad, but God has used it to bless it. And this is my biggest one. 

Btw, I love your word "Poppycock"! 



A.Marie said:


> Yep, I'm late and just reading your post. Thank you for sharing such a powerful testimony! I enjoyed your story and hope and pray your mom comes to her senses and be a part of you and your daughter's life.


 
You're welcome. 

Thanks, A. 

I've prayed for that for years, and that's one of the few prayers of mine that never came to pass. I've actually given up on it. She's like Pharaoh with such a hard heart that that's gonna take a real miracle. If it happens, that's great, but I don't expect her to change. My mother just turned 71; she's not getting any younger, and she's just as angry and miserable as she's ever been. 

All I can do now is focus on forgiving her. So that I can get some peace about all this...and truly be happy with the wonderful life I'm living. 

Thank you for your support ladies. May God bless and keep you.


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