# Can you love any Christian man (romantically) if you trust God enough?



## cocoberry10 (Jul 21, 2008)

I just wanted to get you ladies thoughts on this. I was having a conversation with someone and she said "you know the problem with your generation?" And I said "no, what?" And she said "you all don't know HOW to love."erplexed

She basically proceeded to say that if you allowed God to move your heart enough, you could fall in love with anyone that was "Godly" and that she believes too many of us in this generation (I'm in my 20's, but she was referring to those under 40, so probably like 18-40) have all these "ideas" about "love" and that we need to just choose someone and let "God work out all the kinks"

I thought about this. What do you all think?


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## BeautifulFlower (Jul 21, 2008)

She's not totally wrong or right. 

Just because you are godly does not mean you have a preference for someone's personality. You can love someone and not like them very much. If you cant get along because you dont like them as a person but love them with true agape love, then a marriage will struggle because regardless of what anyone says you would want to be with someone you like just as much as you love. Also its not going to work with someone that you dont share similar aspirations with. If he wants to move to Scotland one day but you prefer to stay in the states, thats not going to work. If he prefers you to be a stay at home mom but you want to be a career mom, that will not work either. It doesnt mean your wrong and he's right, just mean you've different and thats quite already. God made us diverse for a reason.

She is right in that most young people and PEOPLE is GENERAL dont know how to love. People dont know what love is all about. I have done alot of research on true agape love and I was shocked and ashamed at how much I've failed the test. Here is a snippet of the research I have done based on 1 Corinthians 13.

So, what are the components of God Love?   
•         Love is Patient and Kind:  Patience is the ability to endure, wait, and delay for long periods of time without becoming annoyed or upset. Patience requires an others-centered mentality. Self-centered individuals often lose their calm in the face of difficulty very quickly. Kindness involves sympathy for the suffering of others (including a desire to help) and generosity of time or resources. 
•         Love is NOT Jealous: Paul tells us that jealousy is not of the Holy Spirit and those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Being resentful, insecure, envious, suspicious and mistrusting without cause, are all ungodly attributes.
•         Love is NOT Boastful (Arrogant): Matthew 5:5 says the meek or humble will inherit the earth. To be boastful refers to overemphasizing your possessions or accomplishments. Boastful people neglect to recognize that all things come from God. Boastful people also lack humbleness and modesty. To avoid wrongful boasting, always acknowledge and praise God for any accomplishment with a pure heart.
•         Love is NOT Proud or Rude: When we display a stuck-up attitude as if we are better than others and are offensive and ill-mannered toward them, we are operating in our sinful nature. Prideful and rude people lack gentleness, or humbleness, which is a fruit of the Spirit. 
•          Love DOES NOT Demand Its Own Way: Love is self-sacrificing and seeks to preserve others. Human love is self-centered and to be maintained, it requires a lot of time, attention, energy, and resources. God’s love is not so effort intensive. Demanding people lack self-assurance and patience, or long-suffering, which is a fruit of the Spirit. 
•         Love is NOT Irritable: Irritable people are easily annoyed, extremely sensitive, and highly excitable to external conditions. Irritable people lack temperance, or self control, which is a fruit of the Spirit. 
•         Love Keeps NO Record of Being Wronged: It is equally important to forgive others as well as FORGETTING the wrong that was done to you. I will speak to the importance of this in my later devotionals. Forgiving and forgetting go hand-in-hand. Regardless of what anyone says or does to offend you, the best and godly reaction is to forgive and stop thinking about it. Not doing so will block your fellowship with God.  
•         Love DOES NOT Rejoice about Injustice but Rejoices Whenever the Truth Wins Out:  Love covers injustices. If someone has done you wrong, you do not talk about it to others unless for prayer or godly advice. When something good, right, and truthful happens, you celebrate and speak well of that occurrence. 
•         Love Never Gives Up: This goes back to patience. Just as God has not given up on you, you are not to give up on the good in others. You cannot force them to change however you can pray to God for change.  
•         Love Never Loses Faith: Love is decisive regardless of feelings. It makes a decision and believes firmly in that decision.  Faithfulness is loyal, consistent, and trustworthy.  
•          Love is Always Hopeful: Love requires passion, vision, and positivity. Hopefulness in love is a confidence that something desirable and wanted will happen eventually. 
•         LOVE ENDURES THROUGH EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE: This is self-explanatory and much neglected. Entering into any commitment in love requires you to say I will always put up with this person no matter what they do that offends me. This is the most challenging part of the love walk. It is the essence of love; divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, decisive, and thoughtful. Never enter into any covenant or commitment if you do not believe you can uphold this principle.


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## tmichelle (Jul 21, 2008)

Interesting question!  Well granny is right I think to the degree that love is an action and not a feeling.  Also, I think there should be a natural affinity toward a Christian just because you love and appreciate the fact that he loves and appreciates Christ.  

But practically... It would be hard for me to feel as deeply about some of the men in my church as I do my husband.  While I should be able to love them as I mentioned before, the respect would be harder to implement because they are not as smart, funny etc. as my dh.  

Also, women should still let God direct their marriages.  Just becasue there is an eligible Christian does not mean that God wants you to marry him and fall in love.  God could have somebody else in mind so you wouldn't want to foil those plans because you are taking it into your own hands.


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## HeChangedMyName (Jul 21, 2008)

She seems to be on right track.  If we love God unconditionally and allow him to show us how to love, then we will be able to love unconditionally.  I am guilty of loving with conditions.  Or rather "not loving", because I am so caught up in what I want rather than what God wants for me.  I think we are all guilty to a certain extent of wanting our picture of love to come to us, and not taking into consideration that the kind of love that God has for us, may be something that we wouldn't even recognize.  For example,  We can't get caught up in 
I can't love a man with kids
I can't love a man who makes only X amount of money
I can't love a man who's been married
I can't love a man who isn't this height
I can't love a man who doesn't look like A, B, or C

We limit ourselves.  But then we turn around and blame God when we can't find what we're looking for in the limited range that we are looking.  So, granny was probably right.  We don't know how to love.  We do know how to streamline our options though, which is obviously not always best.


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## SEMO (Jul 21, 2008)

How can two walk together unless they agree?  Just because two people are both Christians does not mean they are necessarily walking on the same path in regards to God's plan for their life.  Of course being a Christian is the basic prerequisite, but I think there is more to it than that.

But in a way, I understand what she was trying to get at.


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## mrsmeredith (Jul 21, 2008)

I agree sorta kinda.  First ladies we should not be looking for anyone, the wife is to be sought.  I think thats the problem with  a lot of ladies they are looking for Mr. Right when that's not what we were called to do.  I think so many times women miss "the one" by looking at superficial things and are continually led by your flesh(what it wants or perceives to be handsome). But all in all, yes she is on to something.


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## kayte (Jul 21, 2008)

> She basically proceeded to say that if you allowed God to move your heart enough, you could fall in love with anyone that was "Godly




I believe I have loved/love the men in my life....unconditionally with everything in me and they know it
It does not mean they are to be my life partner 

the Bible says 
_guard your heart for out of it is the wellspring of life_

and _do not throw your pearls before swine so they may not turn and trample you_

yes...love wholeheartedly.......accept him as he is w/out judgement

*but be the proverbs 31 wife*

that was a discerning woman...a business owner,homemaker,landowner,powerful woman with full support of her husband..that did not come by accident she was a praying woman and a smart cookie

not every man we love unconditionally is supposed to step into a permanent partnership and form our nuclear Christian family....just because both parties love God.....sometimes God's ways of 'working out the kinks' is to say _No_....NOT...this one..YES...I love you both... YES..you are both my children...but this is NOT the choice I have for you

_if any one lacks knowledge...s/he can ask God who gives wisdom_


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## Farida (Jul 22, 2008)

I think you can love virtually anybody if you try hard enough.

It doesn't mean your habits, goals and personalities will be compatible enough to withstand the trials of marriage.


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

Thanks ladies. Your answers are on point


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

*EXCELLENT ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!*



prettyfaceANB said:


> She's not totally wrong or right.
> 
> Just because you are godly does not mean you have a preference for someone's personality. You can love someone and not like them very much. If you cant get along because you dont like them as a person but love them with true agape love, then a marriage will struggle because regardless of what anyone says you would want to be with someone you like just as much as you love. Also its not going to work with someone that you dont share similar aspirations with. If he wants to move to Scotland one day but you prefer to stay in the states, thats not going to work. If he prefers you to be a stay at home mom but you want to be a career mom, that will not work either. It doesnt mean your wrong and he's right, just mean you've different and thats quite already. God made us diverse for a reason.
> 
> ...


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

*I completely agree with you. But something in my heart does feel like compatibility does come into play. It's like, God did give us senses and personal taste, I've truly come to believe this.  For example, I love brussel sprouts, but you may hate them. And I think that this can also apply to relationships.  I agree with you that having all kinds of stipulations sometimes can "block your blessings," but at the same time, I would hate for someone to be married to someone and the whole time thinking "I could have done soooooooooooo much better"*


SuperNova said:


> She seems to be on right track. If we love God unconditionally and allow him to show us how to love, then we will be able to love unconditionally. I am guilty of loving with conditions. Or rather "not loving", because I am so caught up in what I want rather than what God wants for me. I think we are all guilty to a certain extent of wanting our picture of love to come to us, and not taking into consideration that the kind of love that God has for us, may be something that we wouldn't even recognize. For example, We can't get caught up in
> I can't love a man with kids
> I can't love a man who makes only X amount of money
> I can't love a man who's been married
> ...


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

*I love this answer*


tmichelle said:


> Interesting question! Well granny is right I think to the degree that love is an action and not a feeling. Also, I think there should be a natural affinity toward a Christian just because you love and appreciate the fact that he loves and appreciates Christ.
> 
> But practically... It would be hard for me to feel as deeply about some of the men in my church as I do my husband. While I should be able to love them as I mentioned before, the respect would be harder to implement because they are not as smart, funny etc. as my dh.
> 
> Also, women should still let God direct their marriages. Just becasue there is an eligible Christian does not mean that God wants you to marry him and fall in love. God could have somebody else in mind so you wouldn't want to foil those plans because you are taking it into your own hands.


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

SEMO said:


> How can two walk together unless they agree? Just because two people are both Christians does not mean they are necessarily walking on the same path in regards to God's plan for their life. Of course being a Christian is the basic prerequisite, but I think there is more to it than that.
> 
> But in a way, I understand what she was trying to get at.


 
*I agree with you!*


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

mrsmeredith said:


> I agree sorta kinda. *First ladies we should not be looking for anyone, the wife is to be sought. I think thats the problem with a lot of ladies they are looking for Mr. Right when that's not what we were called to do. I think so many times women miss "the one" by looking at superficial things and are continually led by your flesh(what it wants or perceives to be handsome).* But all in all, yes she is on to something.


 
I agree with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

*I agree with you!*


kayte said:


> I believe I have loved/love the men in my life....unconditionally with everything in me and they know it
> It does not mean they are to be my life partner
> 
> the Bible says
> ...


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

vivmaiko said:


> I think you can love virtually anybody if you try hard enough.
> 
> *It doesn't mean your habits, goals and personalities will be compatible enough to withstand the trials of marriage*.


 
I agree with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Kiadodie (Jul 22, 2008)

*I have a question:*

Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all.   Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them?  I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

kia said:


> *I have a question:*
> 
> Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all.  Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them? I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.


 
This is a good question, and I'm kind of in the same situation right now (although I'm not sure it's meant to be anything more than friendship).

Maybe over time you will grow attracted to him????

If someone can answer, I would love their thoughts too!


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## Evolving78 (Jul 22, 2008)

SEMO said:


> How can two walk together unless they agree?  Just because two people are both Christians does not mean they are necessarily walking on the same path in regards to God's plan for their life.  Of course being a Christian is the basic prerequisite, but I think there is more to it than that.
> 
> But in a way, I understand what she was trying to get at.



you said it all for me.


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## tmichelle (Jul 22, 2008)

kia said:


> *I have a question:*
> 
> Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all.  Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them? I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.


 
Unless you feel like you can recite the "Beloved" portion of Song of Solomon without gagging or laughing, perhaps you should look elsewhere.  God did make us to be attracted and attractive to our mates.


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 22, 2008)

tmichelle said:


> Unless you feel like you can recite the "Beloved" portion of Song of Solomon without gagging or laughing, perhaps you should look elsewhere. God did make us to be attracted and attractive to our mates.


 
Thanks for this. It helps me too


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## Kiadodie (Jul 22, 2008)

tmichelle said:


> Unless you feel like you can recite the "Beloved" portion of Song of Solomon without gagging or laughing, perhaps you should look elsewhere. *God did make us to be attracted and attractive to our mates.*


 
Thank you..that's what I needed to hear.


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## Highly Favored8 (Jul 22, 2008)

Very interesting post. I was in a realtionship for 4 years and it is just not working out.(This Man Kicked me down in my lowest points) I am at Rock Bottom now. So, to curb that I started doing some very addictive behaviours i.e. negative thinking and negative dwelling. Leaving God all out of it. Then it HIT me:

I spoke to another friend of mine and said I have high days and I have low days because of this realtionship. God does not play. When God say's NO shacking up God Means it! What I told my friend is that I do not ever want to love another man with my heart again(With out Putting God in my Heart First)! When I went to healing prayer last night and I spoke this my prayer partner was like BINGO! God comes first and I tell you, God has really been speaking to me and it is wonderful.

When I stand out and read this post. I agree with this person only because of what I am feeling now. Love God first then you then others. God comes first. When I told my friend "God has my heart first" I made a very powerful and declaring statement. 

See my last realtionship was very toxic. I am better friends with this man than anything. Even though, in Jesus Name he is trying to Claim me back. This man has a lot of issues we all do. However, I have so much Love and Honor for the Lord b/c LOVE is a very, very, powerful expression and Must be treated very carefully. I am so glad to see this now! How do I get over the negativity and the dwelling and Claiming me in Jesus Name with my x fiance, I just Stand on God's word and Love on the Lord and I can tell you all this as a result.

I eat better.
I sleep better.
I lost 20 pounds and some inches.
My hair grew out some grey hair is comming in however you cannot tell. 
I have my peace, my joy. 
I understand God much clearer. 
I stay ROOTED in his word and get watered by the word of the Lord.


I trust God a Trillion percent now. I have given all of my Love Back to the Lord. I feel good now that God has my heart. When Mr. Right comes along I will know that he will be from God. I will let him know up front "God has my Heart First!  BTW when I told my ex this he told me "why are you shutting me out!" Now when I ask him are you going to church on Sunday? He says I was not planning on it? God is awesome b/c God is showing me little by little the truth. I love God with all my heart a Trillion percent!


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## Kiadodie (Jul 22, 2008)

Highly Favored8 said:


> Very interesting post. I was in a realtionship for 4 years and it is just not working out.(This Man Kicked me down in my lowest points) I am at Rock Bottom now. So, to curb that I started doing some very addictive behaviours i.e. negative thinking and negative dwelling. Leaving God all out of it. Then it HIT me:
> 
> I spoke to another friend of mine and said I have high days and I have low days because of this realtionship. God does not play. When God say's NO shacking up God Means it! What I told my friend is that I do not ever want to love another man with my heart again(With out Putting God in my Heart First)! When I went to healing prayer last night and I spoke this my prayer partner was like BINGO! God comes first and I tell you, God has really been speaking to me and it is wonderful.
> 
> ...


 
wow..I love this post and your testimony!   God also showed me that HE needs to come first in my life. I had put trust in people verses Him and He showed me that people disappoint...but not Him and all my love and trust should be put in Him..nothing else and everything else would be added in my life.


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## Highly Favored8 (Jul 22, 2008)

kia said:


> wow..I love this post and your testimony!  God also showed me that HE needs to come first in my life. I had put trust in people verses Him and He showed me that people disappoint...but not Him and all my love and trust should be put in Him..nothing else and everything else would be added in my life.


 

Thank you. I am just taking it one day at a time sometimes even one minuet at a time. I know "Lord willing" this time next year. God has a bigger and better plan in stored for all of us. We are just going through the Fire!


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 23, 2008)

Highly Favored8 said:


> Thank you. I am just taking it one day at a time sometimes even one minuet at a time. I know "Lord willing" this time next year. God has a bigger and better plan in stored for all of us. We are just going through the Fire!


 
Congratulations. God will definitely have you in a better place next year!

Probably even by the end of this year!


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## Highly Favored8 (Jul 23, 2008)

cocoberry10 said:


> Congratulations. God will definitely have you in a better place next year!
> 
> Probably even by the end of this year!


 
Thank You Amen, I stand on that!


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## Shimmie (Jul 23, 2008)

cocoberry10 said:


> I just wanted to get you ladies thoughts on this. I was having a conversation with someone and she said "you know the problem with your generation?" And I said "no, what?" And she said "you all don't know HOW to love."erplexed
> 
> She basically proceeded to say that if you allowed God to move your heart enough, you could fall in love with anyone that was "Godly" and that she believes too many of us in this generation (I'm in my 20's, but she was referring to those under 40, so probably like 18-40) have all these "ideas" about "love" and that we need to just choose someone and let "God work out all the kinks"
> 
> I thought about this. What do you all think?


I'm not that desperate.    And I'm over 30 

On a more serious note...she's right.


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## chicacanella (Jul 24, 2008)

kia said:


> *I have a question:*
> 
> Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all.  Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them? I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.


 

Yeah, I have men like that in my life too. I would almost question why my tastes or attractions are the way they are. Like, is it part of the world or some worldly reason that have formed some of my attractions or could it just be the way God made me?

Good question.


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## Shimmie (Jul 25, 2008)

cocoberry10 said:


> This is a good question, and I'm kind of in the same situation right now (although I'm not sure it's meant to be anything more than friendship).
> 
> Maybe over time you will grow attracted to him????
> 
> If someone can answer, I would love their thoughts too!


 


kia said:


> *I have a question:*
> 
> Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all.  Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them? I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.


 


chicacanella said:


> Yeah, I have men like that in my life too. I would almost question why my tastes or attractions are the way they are. Like, is it part of the world or some worldly reason that have formed some of my attractions or could it just be the way God made me?
> 
> Good question.


Ladies, don't feel bad or feel as if you are doing something wrong.  You either like a person or you don't.  It's just that simple.  

Love comes when it comes and when it does come, it flows without any effort or brainwashing or endless questions regarding your attitude and/or tastes. 

So relax and allow love to happen and flow.  You'll know.  Afterall, God is not about confusion and He will give you the wisdom and the realization of the man who belongs in your lives.  And it IS just that simple.   

How can I say this?  Because God has promised to give us wisdom if we but ask.  And He will not deny it from us....ever.  

When love comes, you will know and it will flow.  Just allow God to be at the helm of your heart and mind.  You will not be deceived nor mislead.


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## chicacanella (Jul 25, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> Ladies, don't feel bad or feel as if you are doing something wrong. You either like a person or you don't. It's just that simple.
> 
> Love comes when it comes and when it does come, it flows without any effort or brainwashing or endless questions regarding your attitude and/or tastes.
> 
> ...


 

Yeah, I know you are right. Sometimes I feel bad for not liking or being attracted to the good guy but the guy which may not be best for me. I mean, I try to see if something is there but these good, celibate guys don't attract me. I don't know what it is cause the non-celibate ones are the ones I am attracted to and that is where the problem lies with most Christian men ....and women

Please pray for me.


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## Shimmie (Jul 25, 2008)

chicacanella said:


> Yeah, I know you are right. Sometimes I feel bad for not liking or being attracted to the good guy but the guy which may not be best for me. I mean, I try to see if something is there but these good, celibate guys don't attract me. I don't know what it is cause the non-celibate ones are the ones I am attracted to and that is where the problem lies with most Christian men ....and women
> 
> Please pray for me.



Chica you're so easy to pray for  

And so easy to be lead of God our Father.  

For you:

Father I thank you that you lead us not into temptation and deliver us from all evil.   Let not mine eyes nor my heart, neither my soul fall upon and favor men whom I am not 'fitly joined' to by you.  

I surrender my choices to you alone, and allow you impart your wisdom, your foresight, your discerning power to see beyond the outter surface of all men.  Let not my heart be deceived, neither grieved for you alone will protect me.   

Wherever he *my future husband* is, let him feel my heartfelt prayers for him.   Train my heart to pray and to sense his needs as if he were here beside me now.  Train my heart to know his comings and goings as you do.  Train my heart to look upon no other except him and him alone.   Train him likewise and more.  Let him be wise to know that I am 'she' who he has been longing for and no other.   Let his heart be yielded to you and to prayer; knowing fully that you are there to lead him in the paths of Righteousness, which keep him in right standing with you and in love with me forever...

In Jesus name, this now belongs to you and so do we.  And with all of my heart I honor the love of you and the love you have reserved for my life mate, my husband---his wife, we as 'One' as your son and daughter forever and ever.  

Amen and Amen...


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## tmichelle (Jul 25, 2008)

chicacanella said:


> Yeah, I know you are right. Sometimes I feel bad for not liking or being attracted to the good guy but the guy which may not be best for me. I mean, I try to see if something is there but these good, celibate guys don't attract me. I don't know what it is cause the non-celibate ones are the ones I am attracted to and that is where the problem lies with most Christian men ....and women
> 
> Please pray for me.


 
I just feel you and feel for you.  What you wrote reminded me of something I wrote a little bit ago on the Relationship Forum about re-representing men.  In short, when a man proves his unworthiness (becoming your ex in that instance) no longer think of him as "good" or that attractive potential mate but think of him as what he is.  To that end, an ex-boyfriend lost the privaldedges of having his name and was renamed 'Mr. Phlegm'.  Everytime I think of him, I think of phlegm, so no I didn't ever want him back.

After deciding I wanted to only eat healthy I re-represented all the fast food places along the street.  Whenever I saw the golden arches I would think of vomit and for 4 years I haven't been able to eat there.

Re-representing things that look good to us is something God has told us to do.  He has said, there is a way that seems right (looks good) unto man, but it's end is death.  He has told us to look by His Word which is what messed up Adam and Eve.  Eve saw the fruit and it looked good, therefore she ate it.  She didn't look at the fruit and say, "oh that is gross b/c God says so".  When we don't re-represent what our eyes see to align with God's Word, then life becomes more difficult.

All this to say, immediately after reading your response here I thought of this passage where a young man doesn't re-represent in his mind this woman in Proverbs 7.  


 6 At the window of my house 
       I looked out through the lattice. 
 7 I saw among the simple, 
       I noticed among the young men, 
       a youth who lacked judgment. 
 8 He was going down the street near her corner, 
       walking along in the direction of her house 
 9 at twilight, as the day was fading, 
       as the dark of night set in. 
 10 Then out came a woman to meet him, 
       dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent. 
 11 (She is loud and defiant, 
       her feet never stay at home; 
 12 now in the street, now in the squares, 
       at every corner she lurks.) 
 13 She took hold of him and kissed him 
       and with a brazen face she said: 
 14 "I have fellowship offerings at home; 
       today I fulfilled my vows. 
 15 So I came out to meet you; 
       I looked for you and have found you! 
 16 I have covered my bed 
       with colored linens from Egypt. 
 17 I have perfumed my bed 
       with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. 
 18 Come, let's drink deep of love till morning; 
       let's enjoy ourselves with love! 
 19 My husband is not at home; 
       he has gone on a long journey. 
 20 He took his purse filled with money 
       and will not be home till full moon." 
 21 With persuasive words she led him astray; 
       she seduced him with her smooth talk. 
 22 All at once he followed her 
       like an ox going to the slaughter, 
       like a deer stepping into a noose  
 23 till an arrow pierces his liver, 
       like a bird darting into a snare, 
*little knowing it will cost him his life.* 
 24 Now then, my sons, listen to me; 
       pay attention to what I say. 
 25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways 
       or stray into her paths. 
 26 Many are the victims she has brought down; 
       her slain are a mighty throng.  27* Her house is a highway to the grave, 
       leading down to the chambers of death.*

All this young man saw was beauty, perfumed sheets, etc.  He did not see what she really was, death.  Perhaps if you can re-represent these guys you meet that are attractive on the outside, fun, enticing etc. and think of them as 'death' it can be helpful.  You might even try putting a picture of death on them like thinking about nasty cancerous growths, or fully blown AIDS side effects or just a lump of nasty dead poo.

I too have prayed for you.  Stay strong!


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## Shimmie (Jul 25, 2008)

tmichelle said:


> I just feel you and feel for you.  What you wrote reminded me of something I wrote a little bit ago on the Relationship Forum about re-representing men.  In short, when a man proves his unworthiness (becoming your ex in that instance) no longer think of him as "good" or that attractive potential mate but think of him as what he is.  To that end, an ex-boyfriend lost the privaldedges of having his name and was renamed 'Mr. Phlegm'.  Everytime I think of him, I think of phlegm, so no I didn't ever want him back.
> 
> After deciding I wanted to only eat healthy I re-represented all the fast food places along the street.  Whenever I saw the golden arches I would think of vomit and for 4 years I haven't been able to eat there.
> 
> ...



I love the scripture here.


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## plainj (Jul 25, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> Ladies, don't feel bad or feel as if you are doing something wrong.  You either like a person or you don't.  It's just that simple.
> 
> Love comes when it comes and when it does come, it flows without any effort or brainwashing or endless questions regarding your attitude and/or tastes.
> 
> ...


Shimmie, I just love you. This topic doesn't really apply to me--I'm married and got married waaaay, looooong before I got saved-- but I thought the thread was interesting to read and your answer was so on point and stuck out for me. You always have the right words to say. Your prayer for Chicacanella touched me. You are truly annointed. I long to be able to have the right words for someone else one day. Thanks for your posts.


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## tmichelle (Jul 25, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> I love the scripture here.


 
Me too.  Doesn't God just always have the perfect words?


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## cocoberry10 (Jul 26, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> Ladies, don't feel bad or feel as if you are doing something wrong. You either like a person or you don't. It's just that simple.
> 
> Love comes when it comes and when it does come, it flows without any effort or brainwashing or endless questions regarding your attitude and/or tastes.
> 
> ...


 
Thank you! I really needed to hear this!


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## cocoberry10 (Dec 20, 2008)

Bumping this!!!!!!!


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## Aggie (Dec 23, 2008)

Interesting topic, subscribing...


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## GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I (Dec 25, 2008)

cocoberry10 said:


> I just wanted to get you ladies thoughts on this. I was having a conversation with someone and she said "you know the problem with your generation?" And I said "no, what?" And she said "you all don't know HOW to love."erplexed
> 
> She basically proceeded to say that if you allowed God to move your heart enough, you could fall in love with anyone that was "Godly" and that she believes too many of us in this generation (I'm in my 20's, but she was referring to those under 40, so probably like 18-40) have all these "ideas" about "love" and that we need to just choose someone and let "God work out all the kinks"
> 
> I thought about this. What do you all think?


 
 That's a recipe for disaster.  Just marry anyone g-dly and let G-d work out the kinks?  What about the person who turns out to be not so g-dly and you realize this after tying the knot?  No, my friend, that lady was rather wrong.  I mean, to put up with just anything from a man because he's from your religion and be silent through misery and pretend that G-d is working it out so you have the appearance of being able to love a man....that's very laughable!!! I think that's more aptly named "desperation" and it's up a river in Egypt called....De Nile.  I don't know why Black women are continually expected to settle.


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