# " No Wed - No Bed * No Contract - No Contact"



## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

Those words are easy to remember... 

Angels, stick with me...I promise this will bless you.   I promise you.  

What are your limits as a single person when 'dating'?  

May I share something beautiful with you?   I want you to see how God has been blessing me for being faithful.   Even more, this is also to encourage someone, not to yield unto temptation. I just don't know who.  

*By my sister's* *views,* of my being celibate for so long, I am accused of being an 'extremist'... probably   She says I'm 'missing out'.   

She thinks I'm nuts...and I am ... a salted one at that.  For I am the 'Salt of the Earth.' 

But as a single woman in Christ, I refuse to let go of the most beautiful gift that I can give to my husband...my total self, un-touched by anyone else before him.  This includes 'NO Kissing.'  For it's literally 'foreplay.' 

Dating someone doesn't allow the perks of marriage.  

*My other Extremes:* 

*- The only time alone is over the phone. * (The only men who have been in my home are my family members or couples who are visiting).  

- *I do not hold hands* (unless I'm being escorted or assisted with getting out of a car, etc.).

-* I do not allow embraces *(only brief (brother -type) hugs upon greeting or departing)

*- The only kisses I allow are on the cheek or my forehead.* (even these have limits).

- *I do not show excess clevage or an uncovered bottom* (I wear coverings so as not to appear 'too sexy'). 

*- I wear minimal make-up and jewelry* (unless it's for costuming - theatrical reasons - even then it's not as much as other's wear in this venue). 

- *My dresses and skirts come only 'slightly' above the knee or below* (tea-length.  I actually love the long-full skirts and dresses.  They are very feminine.   

- *At the Gym, I cover my bottom by wearing XXXL T-Shirts* (the only time I wear leggings and leotards is at dance class around the 'girls').

I'm laughing here because it does sound a little extreme.   

Trust me, I am still a 'girly' girl.  Underneath all of the above, I wear silks, satins and lacey underwear.   I have silk and satin 'Jammies'.  I have beautiful gowns and Indian Saris in my wardrobe.   

I've been blessed with other pretty 'dainties' and they are saved in a special place in my room. 

All for only my husband to see.   All his...to see upon me.  

Ladies, as women of God, we do not have to 'compromise' our virtue to be with a man.   I personally do not care.  I refuse to sell myself 'short' trying to prove myself worthy to a man, by giving him a 'sneak preview' or a 'sample feel' of the merchandise.  

I'm not out looking like a 'granny' , but I am not going out on a whim, because 'he' likes me or enjoys me or 'cares' about me.  Uh - Uh...

No Wed - No Bed * No Contract - No Contact ........   

I 'know' what I have and so does the Lord, and God will speak to the men 'called' to us that we have all that he is looking for.  

Here's the blessing...God just blew me away with this.  

Remember when God spoke to Joseph regarding the Virgin Mary?   Hold on...look at this... 

*Matthew 1:20* - 

"But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost."

This word is such a blessing.   God will speak to the hearts of the men regarding you as his wife.  You don't have to bow down to compromise. Neither do you have to 'fret' cause he's not with you yet.   

No Wed...No Bed...not even a contact...  Value your gift of being you.


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## Aubergold (Nov 28, 2006)

I understand the no sex. um...no kissing? no hand holding?  no hugs?
well......um....good luck Shimmie!!  Stay Strong!


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

Angels, in a thread a while back, I wrote this for you...I'm posting it again so that you can make it a 'personal prayer.' 

*'Forever' *​
When it comes to sex or the methods of 'foreplay',  

Choosing *'now'* has no promise of "Forever"...choosing 'now' may last only 2-3 minutes of 'wow' and with the remaining 23 hours and 58 minutes filled with wondering how long will he still be in it.  erplexed  So the 'now' is not so 'wow'... 

I want 'more' than I had in the past relationships I had with men before. As a woman, God took so much time to create me. I look at the wonder of how both me and my future husband were created...inside and out. 

My 'Desire', during the times when I want him 'now', instead I want him *'Forever'* and into Eternity with Jesus. 

My lovng prayer to every woman, enjoy the beauty of being his mystery, you will never lose him to anyone else. God won't allow it. "That which is His, will never be plucked out of God's hands..." Who'd dare to steal your man from God?  

To each of you wonderful ladies..."Desire Forever"... 

Love to each of you...

Please don't feel ashamed or 'low' if you've been active.  Just start all over again.  Jesus doesn't love you any less...if anything He loves you all the more and your virtue He wants to restore.   

And Remember this...

*Men will not leave a woman for not having sex with them. They leave because they were they were leaving anyway...sex or no sex!*

With all my heart...


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

RavenIvygurl said:
			
		

> I understand the no sex. um...no kissing? no hand holding? no hugs?
> well......um....good luck Shimmie!! Stay Strong!


 
What if he's not your husband?  You've lost something that you can never get back.


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## Aubergold (Nov 28, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> What if he's not your husband?  You've lost something that you can never get back.



you've lost the ability to hold hands or hug in a sacred manner?  Hmmmmm, well I don't want to put a damper on your thread.  I'm sure others will feel what you are saying.  I hope everything works out for you!


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## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

I've always liked that saying: No wed, no bed. No contract, no contact. 

I'm at a point in my life where I'm reluctant to give too much of myself away anymore. Been there, done that. Always felt like I gave something for free and was never satisfied.  

I have to feel the relationship could be serious before I'll allow certain things. If it feels that this could be it, you can hold my hands, and give me a chaste kiss on the cheeks or on the lips. No tongue, please. For me that's foreplay, and I know how much heat it takes to get my motor going.  I won't embrace a man either, except for a brotherly hug. I can't let a man hold me too close. Again, certain things get me going, so I know not to do them if I want to stay away from trouble. 

I'm sure all of this will sound strange to a modern woman, but I've had to learn some pretty tough lessons that didn't come easy for me, and if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, there's so much I would change and do differently. How many times have we heard that or said it to ourselves? 

Well, lesson learned. It came at a high price, but now I've got it.


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## ShaniKeys (Nov 28, 2006)

lol, I've never heard this one b4


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## Amina (Nov 28, 2006)

Oh wow, indeed this is an eye opener for me  It is extremely unusal to hear Non-Muslims that going though the "No Wed - No Bed * No Contract - No Contact"(Muslims have the "No touching, No staring, etc. Until After the Marriage ...and that is hard esp. if one's fiance is soo handsome and sweet ). This isn't an easy thing to do esp. in this day and age. 

Shimmie and Pebbles hang in there, hopefully, your prince charming will come, insha'allah (God-willing).


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## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

LOL! I know this sounds funny, but I guess I have to make a confession to explain this better.

I have always, *always*, had a great weakness for a man who knows his way around a woman's body, if you know what I mean.  

When I was in college, this got me into some trouble. I found myself involved with one particular man who I really shouldn't have given the time of day. But he was as fine as could be, and knew how to touch me. I couldn't reason around him. All I could ever think of was how good he made me feel. Didn't matter if he was acting a fool, I would always forgive him and pretend not to see the signs that were right in front of me.  

Well, as you can guess, this relationship ended badly, and I felt used and taken advantage of. It took me almost 10 years to get over that man. Even during my marriage, thoughts of that man had a hold on me.  It wasn't right, and I spent a long time nursing a hurt that wouldn't heal. I always blamed him, but one day God convicted me that I was as much to blame for my lack of self-control. I was in church and a woman came to preach on this subject of premarital sex, and I would have sworn somebody must have told her my story because I felt she was talking directly to me. I never should have given so much of myself to a man I wasn't married to. 

Well, thank God for His Grace and Mercy. In time, the hurt was gone, but the memories will always remain with me. It's not an experience I will forget, and because of that, I won't put myself in the position to experience that kind of hurt and pain again. Not if I can help it, and I can. This is why I have to greatly limit physical contact with men. I know what can cause me to stumble.

I'll be quick to tell a man; Yes, I look good in a pair of jeans, and sure, you want to tap that  But you better believe, you won't. *I have boundaries, and I want them respected.* If you want me, come and get me, but there are rules to follow. If you can hang, cool. If you can't, get to steppin', baby. I don't have the time to play games anymore. I'm not looking for a "temporary" lay or just to have a little "fun." I want a godly, honorable man who wants a godly wife. Everyone else needs to get out of the way. As my mother always told me, nothing is rotting away. Wait.


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## YasmanSoBe (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> *All I could ever think of was how good he made me feel. Didn't matter if he was acting a fool, I would always forgive him and pretend not to see the signs that were right in front of me.  *


 
_Guilty_.  




			
				pebbles said:
			
		

> *I'll be quick to tell a man; Yes, I look good in a pair of jeans, and sure, you want to tap that  But you better believe, you won't. *


* *  

I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but could you just *imagine* the look on a man's face if more women said this? Priceless.


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## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

YasmanSoBe said:
			
		

> _Guilty_.
> 
> 
> * *
> ...


 
LOL! Well, it's a sure way to weed out all the players!   This ain't no game. My feelings are at risk here. A girl's got to watch out for herself!


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## PaperClip (Nov 28, 2006)

Here I go!  

Now for those that frequent this Christian Fellowship Forum, y'all know my story.... I must confess that my most recent mental/emotional struggle has been to justify my desire to step outside of God's Word and will to experience some fleshly thangs.... But it doesn't take me long (glory to God) to snap back out of that path of disobedience.

Last night after I got home from class, I caught a bit of The Bachelor finale. This particular bachelor was some kind of Italian prince . Anyway, of the final two females, one openly said that she was saving herself for marriage. He chose the other one.  

This part might feel tangential...but I was talking with one of my sisterfriends and whatever she said made me ask this question: what can be done to guarantee a man? Is there any ONE THING that guarantees a man that will be attracted and will commit? I will be the first to admit that I've had a sheltered life when it comes to men and relationships. I'm not in my 20s anymore, either.... 

I told y'all about the "Soulmate" documentary and how it was a blessing to watch...but some days it gets tough...esp. around the holidays. I'm trying to brace myself during the holidays...and I have a birthday coming up as well.... I really need something/someone to hold on to.... I need a word from the Lord. I need a real encounter from the Lord. I've been waiting for this.


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## alexstin (Nov 28, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Those words are easy to remember...
> 
> Angels, stick with me...I promise this will bless you.   I promise you.
> 
> ...



I agree with you pretty much and I'm married. This is the way we are raising our daughters.  I don't even wear a traditional bathing suit by itself. I always wear shorts over it and I require my daughter to do the same(the other one is just a toddler right now)

As they get older we'll teach them that's it's not just about them either. How many of our brothers in the Lord have to cover their eyes or turn their head because a sister isn't dressed appropriately?  Men are visual and women of God are not loving their brothers when they dress in certain ways. I really don't think a lot of women understand that.

We're also bringing them up that they'll understand why you don't date just to date. What's the point? If this isn't the man that God has called you to spend your life with then leave someone else's future husband alone!!!


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## ritzbitz78 (Nov 28, 2006)

Love it!  And have lived it!  

The problem is that God's standards seems extreme these days, because we all are so drunk on what the world has to offer...

Shimmie isn't being extreme, she is being BALANCED.  It is the world (and the prince of the world) that is extremely wrong.

I believe God could have created the whole world and humans in 1 second.  I believe He is that powerful!!  But He chose not to, why?  Because He needed to teach us that there is an order in life that needs to be followed.  He didn't create humans first and had them float in the air until land was made. He didn't create plants first before the sun, so the plants would die... He had an order and wants us to know there is an order in everything... even in courting and marriage.   

The Bible says he has ordered our steps.  

But here is where things go wrong.  We insert steps into his plan based on our selfish feelings-- we want that man's hands slithering around our waist and hips-- we want to have him physically make us melt with a kiss of passion...  Notice the motive is selfish!!!!  God's motive is NEVER self centered or selfish.

And the that selfish motive follows you right into marriage and makes it a mess and a misery! 100% of the time!  Adam and Eve committed one little mistake and they were 100% out of order and 100% kicked out of Eden...  

A Holy God doesn't play or mess with blessing things that are out of order. EVER... He never condones it, it is not in His nature. 

As for me, I am happily married to the most gorgeous black man on the face of the planet.  6 foot 5, huge chest, shoulders that embrace me, and best of all, a man of God through and through.

We did start out kissing for the 1st 6 months of dating on the lips... (we weren't having sex before marriage. we settled that even before dating)  

But the Holy Spirit continued to work on us until I brought up the suggestion that we talk a 1week fast from kissing, and my now husband suggested why don't we take a permanent fast from kissing until we are married...  we agreed and didn't kiss again until our wedding day.  I also did the "extreme" things that Shimmie did, not to his grumbling tolerance, but to his overflowing respect and honor and true love.  We are best friends, because with all that foolishness eliminated all we could do is communicate, pray together...

In Songs of Solomon, the first time the lover describes the lips and what was inside the beloved's mouth (a kiss) was on their honeymoon night!!!   Now that is BIBLICAL evidence from the ideal romance.

(i could write a whole book on this subject... but i will stop here... for now)

see the verse in my siggy?  Jesus is powerful enough to keep us from falling... we just need to want to keep from falling.. we are addicted to it... it looks good, feels good.. and she took the fruit and ate it


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

Amina said:
			
		

> Oh wow, indeed this is an eye opener for me  It is extremely unusal to hear Non-Muslims that going though the "No Wed - No Bed * No Contract - No Contact"(Muslims have the "No touching, No staring, etc. Until After the Marriage ...and that is hard esp. if one's fiance is soo handsome and sweet ). This isn't an easy thing to do esp. in this day and age.
> 
> Shimmie and Pebbles hang in there, hopefully, your prince charming will come, insha'allah (God-willing).


 
Amina! After I made this post last night, I thought about you.   And Amina, my thoughts were, "Amina would understand".    And when I saw you in this thread, my heart just melted.  

God was confirming in my heart, from another witness, though we share a different 'worship', we share the same virtues; God's virtues, that make us the women a husband seeks.  

Thank you for being here.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

*I just love the Word of God... *

_So I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit.  Then you won't be dong what your sinful nature craves.  *The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants.  *_

_*And the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires.* _

_These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict.  *But when your are directed by the Holy Spirit, you are no longer subject to the law.* _

_Galatians 5:16-18  NLT_


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> Here I go!
> 
> Now for those that frequent this Christian Fellowship Forum, y'all know my story.... I must confess that my most recent mental/emotional struggle has been to justify my desire to step outside of God's Word and will to experience some fleshly thangs.... But it doesn't take me long (glory to God) to snap back out of that path of disobedience.
> 
> ...


 
Hi Rehab 

Last Season's "The Bachelor", the girl "Krystal Lynn" Gave it up to Charlie*...big time*.  

They did the "Ya-ba Da-ba Do" (Ummm, They had sex).  

He was trapped.  You could tell.  

HOWEVER "Sarah B" who held out (even from KISSING him) in the beginning, is the one Charlie chose to marry.   

Virtue will always win out....


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## PaperClip (Nov 28, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Hi Rehab
> 
> Last Season's "The Bachelor", the girl "Krystal Lynn" Gave it up to Charlie*...big time*.
> 
> ...


 
Hi, Shimmie! 

There's nothing else to say after that!


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## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

[email protected] 

Go on, girl. Do your thing! I edited just for you!


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## Allandra (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> [email protected]!


Girl,

I had just deleted my message so I could add something else.  Oh well.  I'm too late.


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## live2bgr8 (Nov 28, 2006)

alexstin said:
			
		

> I agree with you pretty much and I'm married. This is the way we are raising our daughters. I don't even wear a traditional bathing suit by itself. I always wear shorts over it and I require my daughter to do the same(the other one is just a toddler right now)
> 
> As they get older we'll teach them that's it's not just about them either. How many of our brothers in the Lord have to cover their eyes or turn their head because a sister isn't dressed appropriately? Men are visual and women of God are not loving their brothers when they dress in certain ways. I really don't think a lot of women understand that.
> 
> We're also bringing them up that they'll understand why you don't date just to date. What's the point? If this isn't the man that God has called you to spend your life with then leave someone else's future husband alone!!!


 
I totally agree with you. I'm married too, but I wish that I had this kind of wisdom in my high school and college years. I totally identify with Pebbles college story, too.   Now, I regret even kissing any other man besides my husband.

Anyway, I'm glad that God is giving me another chance through my daughter.  I pray that she really will listen... 



			
				ritzbitz78 said:
			
		

> ....
> 
> *We did start out kissing for the 1st 6 months of dating on the lips... (we weren't having sex before marriage. we settled that even before dating) *
> 
> ...


 
Preach ritzbitz78!  This is true wisdom. What happen in bolded happend with my husband and me, too. It's good to know when God is working in your man's heart, too. That's when you have a spiritual man and not a fleshly one.  

For all my single sisters, hang in there.  Fill yourself with God's presence. Ask him for you purpose and go about his business. Nothing (no technique, gimmick, set of rules) will guarantee a man. And a man does not bring total happiness. Only God can do that and he want you to recognize it so that you will never make your husband your god.

Here's verse that has given me much encouragement: 
*1* "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord. *2* "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. *3* For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. *4* "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. *5 For your Maker is your husband-- the Lord Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.*
Isaiah 54:1-5


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## Allandra (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> [email protected]
> 
> Go on, girl. Do your thing! I edited just for you!


You're so sweet.  Thanks hun.


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## Honey6928215 (Nov 28, 2006)

SHIMMIE!!!!!!

I love this post!!  I love that saying..*'NO WED - NO BED. NO CONTRACT, NO CONTACT.*

Since I'm already celibate (7 years), I have learned to value myself even more.  But I love that statement you wrote.  That is going to be my motto from now on.  

Keep them coming.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

alexstin said:
			
		

> I agree with you pretty much and I'm married. *This is the way we are raising our daughters.* I don't even wear a traditional bathing suit by itself. I always wear shorts over it and I require my daughter to do the same(the other one is just a toddler right now)
> 
> *As they get older we'll teach them that's it's not just about them either. How many of our brothers in the Lord have to cover their eyes or turn their head because a sister isn't dressed appropriately?* Men are visual and women of God are not loving their brothers when they dress in certain ways. I really don't think a lot of women understand that.
> 
> *We're also bringing them up that they'll understand why you don't date just to date. What's the point?* If this isn't the man that God has called you to spend your life with then leave someone else's future husband alone!!!


 
Hi Pastor Alexstin... 

May I share something with you? 

When I got saved 24 years ago, it was the best thing that ever happened in my life...Pastor, "A" He became my greatest Love.

I had a _'little girl', _and although she's a happily married woman with a family now, she is still 'Mommie's baby girl'...we are still tied umbilically. 

My 'baby girl' loved playing in mommie's make-up,  my jewelry box and I used to sit and watch her place her tiny little feet into my shoes, and then take one of my blouses and put it on and say, 'Look Mommie, I look pretty just like you." 

It occurred to me that my baby girl was putting on my 'Mantle.' She was taking on the spirit and the life of me. And in her sweet little innocense, all she was doing was having the joy of her life, dressing up and pretending to be just like her mommie. 

Being divorced was a struggle, but it filled within my heart, that the only gift of value that I could give my baby girl was my *'Virtue.'* I could give her...my baby girl... something more than money can buy. 

I chose to live right. By many I was called 'rigid'. I was always laughed at. Called names and accused of what was not true. I was accused of not 'liking' men. But I didn't care. The truth be known, I loved men a little too much and in turn I was doing the same, giving them too much of me. 

It was years and I do mean years before I responded to 'advances' from men. It was all about Jesus and my two children. My handsome son and my baby girl. 

I'm just not for sale and neither was my daughter. My son has also learned from this...that women are the prize of this life and to treat them as such. 

Pastor Alexstin, I support you and your husband as well as your ministry. The devil wants to tear down our testimony, but I'm just not willing to give him enough ammo do to so. 

God bless you...


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## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

ritzbitz78 said:
			
		

> Love it! And have lived it!
> 
> The problem is that God's standards seems extreme these days, because we all are so drunk on what the world has to offer...
> 
> ...


 
I must say, HIGH-FIVE to this post!!!


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## Country gal (Nov 28, 2006)

I tried celibacy for a long while. I think it is good but I feel that not enough men are preached celibacy.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> LOL! I know this sounds funny, but I guess I have to make a confession to explain this better.
> 
> I have always, *always*, had a great weakness for a man who knows his way around a woman's body, if you know what I mean.
> 
> ...


 
Pebs...  You have me 'rolling' with the censored *'tap' *   

But see, that's the thing.   I have a 'bootie' that gets *too much * attention.  And to top it all off, I have a 'full upper deck'.... (oh what the heck...I have boobies --- my babies call them 'ninnies'  )   

And Pebs, I simply cover it up.  Peroid, point blank.  I keep it covered.  Granted, I have some styles that are a little 'showy' but even then, I maintain modesty.  Remember what you shared about some church women, how you want to just say to them, "Cover it up, Missy."   

And as Pastor Alexstin shared, 'we ain't helping the men.'  And when I know that I'm going to be out around men, I make it a point not to put on a 'show.'  There are parts of my body they simply don't need to 'know' about.  

These men are *not* my husband, to be all up checking me out.   Like your mom says, 'it ain't going to rot. .  Pebs,  I love it !   No, ain't nothing rotting up in here.   

You know I have plenty more to say...

Love you, angel.   

(tap, tap, tap, tap,     Oh, too, too, funny.) I'm in tears over here...


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> I must say, HIGH-FIVE to this post!!!


Yes, it is a high five... I've been trying to reply everyone.  

These phones are getting on my nerves....   

Hey, somebody get our 'brother' (BlkManWSS) up in here!


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## Honey6928215 (Nov 28, 2006)

Country gal said:
			
		

> I tried celibacy for a long while. I think it is good but I feel that not enough men are preached celibacy.


Naw that ain't happening.  It's quite obvious.  Somebody has to be left to sow their wild oats.  They can't do it themselves.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> Naw that ain't happening. It's quite obvious. Somebody has to be left to sow their wild oats. They can't do it themselves.


Girl, you ain't right.


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## crlsweetie912 (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> LOL! I know this sounds funny, but I guess I have to make a confession to explain this better.
> 
> I have always, *always*, had a great weakness for a man who knows his way around a woman's body, if you know what I mean.
> 
> ...


 
That's some grown woman truth right there!


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## Country gal (Nov 28, 2006)

Honey6928215 said:
			
		

> Naw that ain't happening.  It's quite obvious.  Somebody has to be left to sow their wild oats.  They can't do it themselves.




If more men would be celibate than it would be easier for the women. I remember it being hard to find someone who was being celibate. I came across one man.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

The name of this thread is now called...

"Shimmie's Extreme Team Makeover"

We're all crazy...


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

RavenIvygurl said:
			
		

> you've lost the ability to hold hands or hug in a sacred manner? Hmmmmm, well I don't want to put a damper on your thread. I'm sure others will feel what you are saying. I hope everything works out for you!


 
Noooooooo, the ability is not lost.    I simply choose Virtue over being tempted into sin.  The 'damper' would be losing my self respect and also the respect of the man involved, by not allowing Jesus to be at the helm of my life's decisions.   

Hugging and kissing are preludes ... preparation for having sex.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

ShaniKeys said:
			
		

> lol, I've never heard this one b4


 
  Poor baby...


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## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Pebs...  You have me 'rolling' with the censored *'tap' *
> 
> But see, that's the thing. I have a 'bootie' that gets *too much *attention. And to top it all off, I have a 'full upper deck'.... (oh what the heck...I have boobies --- my babies call them 'ninnies'  )
> 
> ...


 
LOL!! I'm telling you, Shim, the things a woman has to do to live right!  

I try to cover my bottom with long t-shirts in a way not to call attention to my figure. I'm cautious about what I wear. When I was younger, I knew I had a great figure, and so I didn't dress like a hoochie, (my father would have killed me!), but I always wore clothes that showed off my figure to the max. I don't do that anymore.

I don't want to be a stumbling block for any man who's trying to live right.
I'm now very conservative in my manner of dress. I never wear shorts in public, I wear long t-shirts as opposed to short t-shirts with my jeans if I have to go out, I don't wear short skirts, I avoid showing cleavage, etc. 

I've found that I don't want that kind of attention anymore. I don't want a man to look at my body and feel *that's *a reason to come after me. No, I don't want that. I think that women have an obligation to protect as much of themselves as they can from unwelcomed attention. So my way of doing that is to avoid any manner of provocative dress altogether. I don't want to hear from a man how he wants to "tap" it or "hit" it. Leave me alone!!  

Oh, it's good to live a chaste life. I enjoy the peace I have now. When the time comes let my husband be the one to enjoy all there is under my clothing. Nobody else.


----------



## Zeal (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> LOL! I know this sounds funny, but I guess I have to make a confession to explain this better.
> 
> I have always, *always*, had a great weakness for a man who knows his way around a woman's body, if you know what I mean.
> 
> ...


 

Um......   can I claim this as my own? (bold red letters)


----------



## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

Zeal said:
			
		

> Um......  can I claim this as my own? (bold red letters)


 
Go head, girl! Claim it as your own. I have no problem with that.


----------



## gentlegiant (Nov 28, 2006)

Wow ladies.  You all really spoke to me.  I thank Shimmie for starting this thread.  Even though there is an abstinence thread, it is good to know that other women struggle with this as well and that I am not alone.  

I understand where you are coming from Relaxer Rehab.  I appreciate all of the ladies, including the married ones, speaking on this.  However, I have to be honest -- I have always struggled with listening to someone who got married when they were 18-25 advising me on this issue.  (I know they mean well, but it just is hard to relate.)  For example, I have a lot of Mormon acquaintances who were married when they were 21 and were virgins at that time.  In my opinion, it was relatively easy to be a virgin at that age. (I know it is still is a challenge at any age, but I still think it is more challenging as you age.)  I personally found the idea of sex revolting until my early 20s.  (I am a germ-a-phobe, so the transfer of body fluids really grossed me out! I have gotten over this.    Well, somewhat.  I am only willing to accept those from one special man!  )  Anyway, back to the point.  I got a lot more dates at 21 when I said â€œI intend to stay a virgin until I am marriedâ€ than I do now.  (I have made it a point to tell every man of my beliefs the moment I am aware that he is interested!  My friends laugh, but this way, I get hurt less because my emotions don't get tangled up.)  Perhaps, this is good.  Itâ€™s easier to weed out the garbage.    I canâ€™t tell you how many times I have been laughed at.  And it is hard to see all of your friends who have sex before marriage end up in successful loving marriages is difficult.   However, in the end, I know what Godâ€™s word is and I believe that God would never send me a man who would tempt me to do something that was counter to his will.  Also, it helped me to see view this womanâ€™s website (www.lakitagarth.com)  I use it remind myself that there are beautiful women who are virgins and if we wait on the Lord he will give us the desires of our heart.  If she can make it to 36, I can too!  (I still have a few more yearsâ€¦. After that, I think I will have to fast until I am delivered! )  Anyway relaxerrehab, just wanted to let you know you are not alone!  This dry spell for us will pass one day and we will be glad we waited!

So, those of you who were married and were virgins when you were married, I am curiousâ€¦. At what age did you marry? I am hoping someone can encourage me by telling me they married at a later age.  

Oh, Pebbles girl!  You gave me a new sloganâ€¦..Loved the rotting comment!




			
				RelaxerRehab said:
			
		

> Here I go!
> 
> Now for those that frequent this Christian Fellowship Forum, y'all know my story.... I must confess that my most recent mental/emotional struggle has been to justify my desire to step outside of God's Word and will to experience some fleshly thangs.... But it doesn't take me long (glory to God) to snap back out of that path of disobedience.
> 
> ...


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

ritzbitz78 said:
			
		

> Love it! And have lived it!
> 
> The problem is that God's standards seems extreme these days, because we all are so drunk on what the world has to offer...
> 
> ...


 
Ritzblitz, thank you!    A new ministry: "Kiss Fasting"    From a few of the earlier responses, this would 'kill' some people.  

Not all of what I share just pops up out of the Blue...  And here the Lord sent you to CONFIRM my reasons for not kissing...it's just too enjoyable and it leads to more than unmarried Christians should be doing. 

I have not felt that I was 'that' close in a relationship with a man to have him kiss me on the lips.   I know it's the Holy Spirit 'keeping' me.  

"Lady Ritz", we as women of God, 'yeild' to our men.  It's natural ........and it's beautiful........ and it just ...feels right, especially when we are in love with them. 

To me it's like dancing a beautiful dance to soft and flowing music.  It just flows.     And I am surely one who loves music and I love to Dance... 

Yet, I choose to wait...for my husband to be the only one...to kiss me.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

gentlegiant said:
			
		

> *Wow ladies. You all really spoke to me. I thank Shimmie for starting this thread. Even though there is an abstinence thread, it is good to know that other women struggle with this as well and that I am not alone. *
> 
> I understand where you are coming from Relaxer Rehab. I appreciate all of the ladies, including the married ones, speaking on this. However, I have to be honest -- I have always struggled with listening to someone who got married when they were 18-25 advising me on this issue. (I know they mean well, but it just is hard to relate.) For example, I have a lot of Mormon acquaintances who were married when they were 21 and were virgins at that time. In my opinion, it was relatively easy to be a virgin at that age. (I know it is still is a challenge at any age, but I still think it is more challenging as you age.) I personally found the idea of sex revolting until my early 20s. (I am a germ-a-phobe, so the transfer of body fluids really grossed me out! I have gotten over this.  Well, somewhat. I am only willing to accept those from one special man! )
> 
> ...


 
GentleGiant, how are you Sweet Lady    For the record, we're not struggling, we're just cutting up like a fool over in here.   Living 'right' and guarding ourselves really is a lot of fun.  

As for those who try to make you feel badly for being righteous, don't let it get you down.  You are God's prize and the joy of His heart.  He's actually showing you off for those who chose not to honor Him.   You do. 

May I give you something?   This is for you, Rehab and all of the others who have felt somewhat forgotten:

Are you ready...?   Look at this..

_Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. _  (Psalm 23:5)

Oooooo, hold up.  I have more...  Gotta love this one... 

Psalm 40:15

Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, Aha. 

One more...

Hebrews 6:9-10 

But, beloved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak. 

*For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love*, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister. 

Angels, you have something that the others do not have.  You have God's word...His promises which will never ever fail you.  No, not ever.  

The will come when you will hear these words...

*Hosea 2:20 (NRSV)* 

And I will take you for my wife forever; I will take you for my wife in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will take you for my wife in faithfulness; and you shall know the LORD.


All for the gift of choosing 'Virtue'...

Blessings of love and peace to you....


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> LOL!! I'm telling you, Shim, the things a woman has to do to live right!
> 
> I try to cover my bottom with long t-shirts in a way not to call attention to my figure. I'm cautious about what I wear. When I was younger, I knew I had a great figure, and so I didn't dress like a hoochie, (my father would have killed me!), but I always wore clothes that showed off my figure to the max. I don't do that anymore.
> 
> ...


 
Pebs, that's the thing, we have God's peace about it.  Now you know the devil is going to put up a fight.   Who caresssssss, about him?   I am through with his mess.  

God has paid too great a price for me.  Yes, I have the 'goods' and I'm blessed to be 'looked' upon with a (hubba-hubba mama wink and a smile from the guys...and of course I am flattered.).  But there is far, far more. 

Our husbands deserve to know that we saved it all for them...

Now Shimmie...says Amen...


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> I've always liked that saying: No wed, no bed. No contract, no contact.
> 
> I'm at a point in my life where I'm reluctant to give too much of myself away anymore. Been there, done that. Always felt like I gave something for free and was never satisfied.
> 
> ...


Pebs, I've been so busy today, that I wasn't able to focus upon this thread as I wanted to.  

But I want to share something that both you and I have talked about and we both share the understanding of.  

For a man to be allowed to touch me, he has to 'earn' it.  I'm not being catty or uppity nor do I think myself better than he.  

For you see, as his wife he will have 'all' of me...and even more.  That's why I do not wish to spend or waste my hugs, my kisses, holding hands, and those other romantic gestures that speak so true of how I will feel about him.  

"Dating" someone does not qualify for any of this.  There has to be a committment to love and to be a part of each other's Destiny as one. 

This is what I love so much about God.  Pebs, He always 'stops' us before we enter in too deep.  Always.   God says, "Trust Me.........Wait".   To me those words are worth the life I live.  

We 'know' God's faithfullness.  He has never failed us .  I have no problem 'waiting' and trusting Him as He asked me too.  

Pebs, look what God showed me.  

"We as wives are our husbands' 'ear' to God.  When the woman in Proverbs 31 awakes to prepare her household, she's not just cooking turkey bacon, french toast and eggs benedict.  Noooo, way!  

This woman arises up early to hear and yield to the voice of God.  She arises to lay before the Lord, and prepares the path that her husband is about to enter into.  

Husbands, have an awesome and heavy responsibilty.  To just be a 'man' alone is pressure enough, but what's asked of him beyond that is even greater.   Hence is one of the reasons we see them fall...for they have fallen under the pressure of life.  

But as his wife, if I can take heed now to the voice of God...

Pebs, get this.....

If I can 'save' something as seemingly small as a hug or a kiss ... those which I have withheld from others....how much more will I have for him in prayer; for intercession to ward off the enemy from his path;  to speak into his life those things which I know mean most to him.  

For I have saved for him the best...the very best and I have been preparing my habits and my ways to be yielded only for him.  I've become used to sacrifice and discipline; I've become akeen to God's voice for him. And yes...I've become the very essence of what God calls...

His Helpmeet...but one beyond suitable.  I will fit him just right.  

Hmmmmmm, with obedience come pain and sacrifice........but the promises that come with rewards...are more than worth it.  I'm not wasting my gifts on dates...or speculations of a dream.  He has to be the one.  Then he can hold my hand and kiss me...respectfully  

I love my husband...*whoever he may be*...I'm 'me' '"Extreme" because I already love him and I'm not giving him less than he's been searching for. 

To God be the Glory...forever and ever... Amen.


----------



## rozlips (Nov 28, 2006)

> I have always struggled with listening to someone who got married when they were 18-25 advising me on this issue. (I know they mean well, but it just is hard to relate.)



How about somebody who didn't marry until she was 35? Of course, for me it was not a religion thing. It was a commonsense thing. A woman needs to be as clearheaded as possible when dealing with menfolk. My head is a lot clearer when not clouded with lust. Its very easy to overlook a man's flaws when you've got that oxytocin pumping through your veins. I definitely recommend maintaining celibacy as long as possible and strongly advise casual sex period.


----------



## nissi (Nov 28, 2006)

Thank you Miz Shimmie -- you always come with the good stuff! 

This post isn't extreme, this is *wisdom*!  Especially for those who _know_ better and keep it real about what they really want to do with this here flesh!  Playing games causes one to ask themselves later, "How did I get here?"  When we can "take telling," we can stay out of the "soft behind syndrome"!

*Song of Solomon 2:7:*
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: *Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.*

*Song of Solomon 3:5*
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: *Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.*

*Song of Solomon 8:4*
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: *Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.*

To go along with your title, Dr. Wanda Davis Turner on her tape "Sex Traps," (long before "No More Sheets" ever came out) coined the phrase, *"No ringy, no thingy!"*

It may sound a little crude, but it sho' is true!


----------



## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Hmmmmmm, with obedience come pain and sacrifice........but the promises that come with rewards...are more than worth it. *I'm not wasting my gifts on dates...or speculations of a dream. He has to be the one. Then he can hold my hand and kiss me...respectfully*
> 
> I love my husband...*whoever he may be*...I'm 'me' '"Extreme" because I already love him and I'm not giving him less than he's been searching for.
> 
> To God be the Glory...forever and ever... Amen.


 
I'm with you.


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## pebbles (Nov 28, 2006)

rozlips said:
			
		

> How about somebody who didn't marry until she was 35? Of course, for me it was not a religion thing. It was a commonsense thing. *A woman needs to be as clearheaded as possible when dealing with menfolk. My head is a lot clearer when not clouded with lust. Its very easy to overlook a man's flaws when you've got that oxytocin pumping through your veins.* I definitely recommend maintaining celibacy as long as possible and strongly advise casual sex period.


 
My fervent wish is that younger women reading this thread would take the great advice given here. They could save themselves so much heartache.


----------



## charmingt (Nov 28, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> Those words are easy to remember...
> 
> Angels, stick with me...I promise this will bless you. I promise you.
> 
> ...


 
 Shimmie,  This is absolutely PRECIOUS!!!!


----------



## alexstin (Nov 28, 2006)

Shimmie said:
			
		

> For you see, as his wife he will have 'all' of me...and even more.  That's why I do not wish to spend or waste my hugs, my kisses, holding hands, and those other romantic gestures that speak so true of how I will feel about him.
> 
> Hmmmmmm, with obedience come pain and sacrifice........but the promises that come with rewards...are more than worth it.  I'm not wasting my gifts on dates...or speculations of a dream.  He has to be the one.  Then he can hold my hand and kiss me...respectfully



Exactly!!! I wish I'd had someone to speak this sort of truth to me when I was younger and newly saved.


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> My fervent wish is that younger women reading this thread would take the great advice given here. They could save themselves so much heartache.


Pebs, didn't God show up?  Gee whiz.  But the thing is I was upset with my sister who was trying to start up with me again. (Taunting me with 'missing out" )  But see how God uses our emotions or issues to HIS glory...not ours?  He instead, created this thread and I just typed it... 

There are too many young girls and women who have boyfriends and think they can still 'play the game.'  They are truly not giving 'value' to themselves.   

Granted, I don't mind having 'friends', but I'm not going to *'flesh around' *with them. I don't mind having a man extend his arm to escort me during an event.  I don't mind holding the hand of a man who is assisting me on/off stage during a show.   

When I travel, many gentleman extend their hand or arm of assistance to me for several reasons.  I am often assisted with my coat or my wrap and in and out of cars.  Men help me with my bags in and out of the 'overhead' compartments.  But that's what gentleman do and it is also the arm of God reaching down to assist us. 

But when it comes to being intimate, there are too many women who do not harness their fleshly desires. And these ladies are in the church.  I'm no saint with this...hence the Shimmie Extremes..... 

Pebs, you know what is so sad but so true?  Look at this reply from our precious member, Amina.  (For the record, I truly like her and respect her;  so her comments did not offend me at all. She spoke the truth). 



			
				Amina said:
			
		

> Oh wow, indeed this is an eye opener for me  It is extremely unusal to hear Non-Muslims that going though the "No Wed - No Bed * No Contract - No Contact"(Muslims have the "No touching, No staring, etc. Until After the Marriage ...and that is hard esp. if one's fiance is soo handsome and sweet ). This isn't an easy thing to do esp. in this day and age.


We have a 'gap' in Virtue, Pebs.  There's a missing and deserving number of precious sisters in Christ who have not learned the art of Chastity.  We have to reach them and love them in.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

alexstin said:
			
		

> Exactly!!! I wish I'd had someone to speak this sort of truth to me when I was younger and newly saved.


 
I hear you Pastor Alexstin; as I didn't have it either.  

Anyhoooo, though my walk with Jesus, I was able to pass it on to my daughter (who will always be my baby girl...she's still 'Mommie's baby'.)


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## Shimmie (Nov 28, 2006)

charmingt said:
			
		

> Shimmie, This is absolutely PRECIOUS!!!!


 
And you my lady are most 'Charming to a 'T'.... 

God bless you, angel.


----------



## StrawberryQueen (Nov 28, 2006)

RavenIvygurl said:
			
		

> you've lost the ability to hold hands or hug in a sacred manner?  Hmmmmm, well I don't want to put a damper on your thread.  I'm sure others will feel what you are saying.  I hope everything works out for you!


Raven!  Be a good girl!


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## Shimmie (Nov 29, 2006)

nissi said:
			
		

> Thank you Miz Shimmie -- you always come with the good stuff!
> 
> This post isn't extreme, this is *wisdom*! Especially for those who _know_ better and keep it real about what they really want to do with this here flesh!  Playing games causes one to ask themselves later, "How did I get here?" When we can "take telling," we can stay out of the "soft behind syndrome"!
> 
> ...


Do you see how God is working?  

_I love this........_

_"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires..."_

This is what 'my' extremes are all about.  My Love shall be his love...fulfilling his desires in love's purest form...undiluted..._by love unfeined, for him alone._


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## brownsugarflyygirl (Nov 29, 2006)

I just wanted to say that I enjoyed this thread....yall had me cracking up  

Shimmie....you already know that I am with you...I was reading through the OP like check ...I am with you on that one...check...that too 

It was sooo funny/sweet because this young man that I am friends with asked me about two weeks after I said it, so I could tell he had been thinking about it "Now what did you say about not kissing your husband until you are married?" LOL...it was so cute...I had to explain it to him...He said he had NEVER heard that before but after I explained, it made a lot more sense to him.  

That whole kissing before marriage thing is truly my hearts desire...I pray that my husband to be and I will be able to live up to that so we can SHARE our awsome testimony like you ladies have


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## a_ caribbean_dream (Nov 29, 2006)

Phew, I broke out into a sweat just reading the first few lines of Shimmie's post.  I need prayer!!!LOL​


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## MrsQueeny (Nov 29, 2006)

I was just thinking about this recently.  Although I am married, GOD forbid if something was to happen and I was single again.  I would do the exact same things you mentioned Shimmie.  The enemy will use the smallest things to make us slip up and get caught out there.  I wish I would have learned these things years ago but I am def. passing them on to my babies.  Q


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## Shimmie (Nov 29, 2006)

carribean_dream said:
			
		

> Phew, I broke out into a sweat just reading the first few lines of Shimmie's post. I need prayer!!!LOL​


 
Girl, we all need prayer...  Don't ever feel that you are alone.  I'm just having some plain ole' fun with it.  

Being Extreme can be quite funny.   At least it's fun to sit, talk and laugh about it.  I'm lovin' it.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 29, 2006)

brownsugarflyygirl said:
			
		

> I just wanted to say that I enjoyed this thread....yall had me cracking up
> 
> Shimmie....you already know that I am with you...I was reading through the OP like check ...I am with you on that one...check...that too
> 
> ...


Hey Angel...I was hoping you'd be in here.  You have so much wisdom in this area and I am always so blessed with your messages.  

As for 'kissing', I treasure this in Romance.  And I just want to save this for when I am married.  

And that's this thing about 'having (male) friends', even what some call 'boyfriends.'   "We' have to set limits and keep them.  

Ooooo!  Can I share this about Kissing...? Remember the movie "Pretty Woman" with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere?   Remember how she would not 'KISS' him on the lips....? 

That's a serious revelation about the power of kissing.  It's Romantic and it sets the Premise for the most intimate union between a man and a woman.  

Without Kissing, sex is just sex....'bam' it's over and done.  With Kissing...it's making love and it takes love-making to the core of it's purpose...completely coming together as one.  

I'm even careful about the lipsticks I choose to wear, for certain colors and textures make my lips more appealing than others.   

Will our husbands have to wonder where our Kisses have been?  Hmmmm, no...not my baby.   

_"Do not arouse or waken love...until it is desired..."_ 

_Whoever he is,_ I am saving my Kisses all for him.


----------



## Shimmie (Nov 29, 2006)

queeny20 said:
			
		

> I was just thinking about this recently. Although I am married, GOD forbid if something was to happen and I was single again. I would do the exact same things you mentioned Shimmie. The enemy will use the smallest things to make us slip up and get caught out there. I wish I would have learned these things years ago but I am def. passing them on to my babies. Q


 
Hey Queeny...I'm so glad you're here too.  This thread is like having our friends 'drop' in and just hanging out and staying for awhile.  We're enjoying the love of God together and just sharing.  

You're right about the enemy using the smallest things to 'slip us up'.  Lord knows I have my bruises.   But He in His loving mercies 'binds' up our wounds and heals us all the way.  

I do wish I had known these principles before...but my babygirl does and she's thriving with them.  

Hugs, Queeny...


----------



## Poohbear (Dec 11, 2006)

Shimmie, this thread is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!

I don't have a boyfriend anymore (I broke up with him not too long ago, not because of the sex issue, we were abstaining from sex, I just felt he wasn't the right person for me, but we did do all that kissing touchy feely stuff and lustful talk), but this thread will definitely be my guide for my next relationship.

I never thought about the kissing as the seal to a marriage between a man and woman. This makes perfect sense. Not just sex but kissing should wait til marriage too.

All of the things you have pointed out Shimmie will help us avoid that evil desirable LUST that tempts us to sin.

Shimmie, I am so grateful for this thread. It aligns even more with my beliefs. I wish I never kissed and smooched or all that touchy feely stuff with previous boyfriends. But from now on, I'm going to stand firmer!

Other than that, I wish I had a friend like you in my physical presence. I have no close female friends outside my family. The female friends I have or had (not close friends) are worldly. So it's always been me and my Lord.

Thanks for all the shared experiences and stories in this thread, ladies! I have something to really look forward to on my wedding day (if it be God's will).


----------



## ClassicChic (Dec 11, 2006)

Shimmie your first post was deep and insightful. Once I read everyone's comments I will return to post.


----------



## Supergirl (Dec 12, 2006)

This is very good Shimmie!  A favorite pastor of mine (during my college years) used to say "No wed, no bed, no contract, no contact!"  It used to make me laugh, but it was a good, brief, guideline!   This particular pastor was one of the main people that influenced my decision to become celibate before marriage.  He preached a sermon one Sunday called "A Sermon on Marriage for Singles."  It was awesome.  The gist of it was the no wed, no bed thingy!  It was life changing for me.


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## star (Dec 12, 2006)

RavenIvygurl said:
			
		

> I understand the no sex. um...no kissing? no hand holding?  no hugs?
> well......um....good luck Shimmie!!  Stay Strong!


Kissing is very dangerous especially if you mouth is open for this will be the first time you enter another person body and you will want more. Holy hand holding and holy hugs he should not be feeling your breast when he gets and hug unless the breast on so big that he gets a slight sweep.

And SHimmie this is excellent I love, love, love the title.


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## Shimmie (Dec 13, 2006)

star said:
			
		

> Kissing is very dangerous especially if you mouth is open for this will be the first time you enter another person body and you will want more. Holy hand holding and holy hugs he should not be feeling your breast when he gets and hug unless the breast on so big that he gets a slight sweep.
> 
> And SHimmie this is excellent I love, love, love the title.


 
Thanks Star.  We* DO* have to set bounds.  The blessings far outweigh the 'seeming' sacrifice.  And I love it.... 

Love you, too...


----------



## Shimmie (Dec 13, 2006)

Supergirl said:
			
		

> This is very good Shimmie! A favorite pastor of mine (during my college years) used to say "No wed, no bed, no contract, no contact!" It used to make me laugh, but it was a good, brief, guideline!
> 
> This particular pastor was one of the main people that influenced my decision to become celibate before marriage. He preached a sermon one Sunday called "A Sermon on Marriage for Singles." It was awesome. The gist of it was the no wed, no bed thingy! It was life changing for me.


Hey Darlin', This does make a difference.  And I have no regrets... 

As for my sister, she is literally having a cow...poor dear.


----------



## Shimmie (Dec 13, 2006)

Poohbear said:
			
		

> Shimmie, this thread is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!
> 
> I don't have a boyfriend anymore (I broke up with him not too long ago, not because of the sex issue, we were abstaining from sex, I just felt he wasn't the right person for me, but we did do all that kissing touchy feely stuff and lustful talk), but this thread will definitely be my guide for my next relationship.
> 
> ...


 
Your post moves me.  I'm sorry about the break up with your boyfriend, but I am happy for your new beginning.  There's always more in store for us than what we've left behind.   

Poohbear, I am touched that you would consider me a personal friend worth having in your life.  That's a gift that I will always cherish.  I will always cherish you.  

No regrets about the past.  We're all human and we are created in love and by love and we were designed to express it to those for whom we have affection.   

Gee whiz, I'd faint if Sidney Poitier or Denzel Washington even looked at me...let alone touched my hand.   If I met Mr. Siidney, he's allowed to hold my hand (then I'd faint).  Oh well...  So who's the perfect one?   Not Me...that's for sure.  Only Jesus.  

I love you, precious sister.  You're stronger than you give yourself credit for.  Stay beautiful.  I look forward to the day when you announce your wedding day.


----------



## firecracker (Dec 13, 2006)

Wow after reading this heated thread ya'll made me wanna go drop them drop them drop them draws  J/K


----------



## Shimmie (Dec 13, 2006)

firecracker said:
			
		

> Wow after reading this heated thread ya'll made me wanna go drop them drop them drop them draws  J/K


Behave...  

I Love you, pretty lady.


----------



## caligirl (Dec 14, 2006)

To the OP:

I understand avoiding things that you know will get you aroused.  But, I don't think you need to avoid ALL physical (non-sexual) intimacy like hand holding, hugging, etc.  Does holding hands really get you aroused?


----------



## Shimmie (Dec 14, 2006)

caligirl said:
			
		

> To the OP:
> 
> I understand avoiding things that you know will get you aroused. But, I don't think you need to avoid ALL physical (non-sexual) intimacy like hand holding, hugging, etc. *Does holding hands really get you aroused*?


You're kidding me  .   Trust me, with holding hands, it's *not* about 'arousal'... Gee whiz.    It's about *principal*.  I'm not allowing just *any *man to hold my hand.  Period!  

Mind you, we're talking about *'dating' *issues.  Too much of ourselves as women is given away to men who have no further intentions for us.  

It does indicate a certain level of intimacy, when a man and woman holds hands.  My husband (or my *"established"* husband to be) deserves this affection from me, *NOT* a date or a whimsical boyfriend.  

However, for me, the only exception is Mr. Sidney Poitier.  I love him.   He can hold my hand for a full 60 seconds.


----------



## rowenah14 (Dec 14, 2006)

Hello all,
I'm new to this site and I have to say I love this forum! It's great to know there are many people in similar situations to my own, and that God can bring people together who need support. I live in Canada (I'm from Malawi)and my church doesn't have any support groups for people my age, plus I have few Christian friends, so it's hard for me to get much support and to discuss things that might be troubling me. I agree with the " No Wed - No Bed * No Contract - No Contact" slogan, I intend to live by that, no matter how hard it is! I'm so glad I found this website! 
Have a great day all
Hannah


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## pebbles (Dec 14, 2006)

Welcome Hannah!!


----------



## star (Dec 14, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> Welcome Hannah!!


Amen to that!!!


----------



## star (Dec 14, 2006)

caligirl said:
			
		

> To the OP:
> 
> I understand avoiding things that you know will get you aroused.  But, I don't think you need to avoid ALL physical (non-sexual) intimacy like hand holding, hugging, etc.  Does holding hands really get you aroused?


I do not think holding hands get you aroused but just be careful and wise and never test yourself. Just put God in the middle of your dating and say help me Jesus. If you find you are having problems with your emotions after hugs, hand holding etc. be true to yourself and make adjustments. God will so bless you life for the sacrafice of your actions.


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## Shimmie (Dec 14, 2006)

star said:
			
		

> I do not think holding hands get you aroused but just be careful and wise and never test yourself. Just put God in the middle of your dating and say help me Jesus. If you find you are having problems with your emotions after hugs, hand holding etc. be true to yourself and make adjustments. God will so bless you life for the sacrafice of your actions.


 
Star...THANK YOU! You explain this so beautifully.   *Holding hands does not arouse.*  But to me it is an expression of affection *beyond* 'dating'. It's just the principal of keeping special things 'special' with whom it belongs.  A man has to earn my hand, that's all.   

It's not free and neither is my manicure.


----------



## firecracker (Dec 15, 2006)

star said:
			
		

> I do not think holding hands get you aroused but just be careful and wise and never test yourself. Just put God in the middle of your dating and say help me Jesus. If you find you are having problems with your emotions after hugs, hand holding etc. be true to yourself and make adjustments. God will so bless you life for the sacrafice of your actions.


 
I kinda agree with you. Holding hands doesn't arouse me but if a fool makes one wrong move those same hands will grab a knife really quick. 
Let me shut up because I have never been the casual touchy feely type.  
The most sensual, beloved and memorable kiss I have ever recieved was on the forehead though.


----------



## Shimmie (Dec 15, 2006)

firecracker said:
			
		

> I kinda agree with you. Holding hands doesn't arouse me but if a fool makes one wrong move those same hands will grab a knife really quick.
> Let me shut up because I have never been the casual touchy feely type.
> 
> The most sensual, *beloved and* *memorable kiss* I have ever recieved was on the forehead though.


 
_*Beloved and memorable*_...  Also on the side of my face.  Because I know he is respecting my boundaries.


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## sweetnixsy (Dec 16, 2006)

I read this thread with tears in my eyes. I have been trying so hard not to give in. Its my 21st in two weeks time and i said i will make my decision then. But i know it wont feel right. something tells me giving in to the whole sex thing wont. Its like walking around in circles,looking for something ud never find.
I hope i find the strength, it seems there are no good guys left anymore.
Thank you so much for this post.
Im new here too.


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## Shimmie (Dec 16, 2006)

sweetnixsy said:
			
		

> I read this thread with tears in my eyes. I have been trying so hard not to give in. Its my 21st in two weeks time and i said i will make my decision then. But i know it wont feel right. something tells me giving in to the whole sex thing wont. Its like walking around in circles,looking for something ud never find.
> I hope i find the strength, it seems there are no good guys left anymore.
> Thank you so much for this post.
> Im new here too.


 
You can make it, sweetheart... 

To you and to Hannah...Welcome 

We can laugh about this instead of cry...   The devil wants us to grieve, but we don't have time.  We're having a party instead.  No wed, no bed...


----------



## pebbles (Dec 16, 2006)

sweetnixsy said:
			
		

> I read this thread with tears in my eyes. I have been trying so hard not to give in. Its my 21st in two weeks time and i said i will make my decision then. But i know it wont feel right. something tells me giving in to the whole sex thing wont. Its like walking around in circles,looking for something ud never find.
> I hope i find the strength, it seems there are no good guys left anymore.
> Thank you so much for this post.
> Im new here too.


 
Welcome Hannah!! 

There are good men left, really. We just have to make it hard for the wrong ones to get what treasures God gave us to give to the right person.  

I can't begin to express how happy I am that there are women who found encouragement from this thread. Praise GOD!! :Rose:


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## sbg4evr (Dec 16, 2006)

pebbles said:
			
		

> I've always liked that saying: No wed, no bed. No contract, no contact.
> 
> I'm at a point in my life where I'm reluctant to give too much of myself away anymore. Been there, done that. Always felt like I gave something for free and was never satisfied.
> 
> ...




I conduct myself in the same manner.  If a man can not walk in the same path as me, in my journery with God, there will be no wed or bed.  I do not indulge in sins of the flesh anymore, as pleasurable as it was, it is not worth it if the man you are with is not on the same path as you.  I totally understand now what it means to be with someone who is equally yoked.  I wished I understood that when I was younger.  Since I can not turn back time,  I am going forth with that.


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## chinadoll (Aug 3, 2007)

BUMP.............


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## Choclatcotton (Aug 3, 2007)

You go girl, SHimmie!!!


----------



## gone_fishing (Aug 3, 2007)

Hi Shimmie,I respect your decision to handle things the way you think is right. I have a girlfriend who just married now at 37 with those same principles but she is married to her gift from God. People could learn a lot from God's Word (through you).

Now, I wanted to add a few things. Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people." Anything that even "hints" of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a "list" of what qualifies as a "hint" or tell us specifically what are approved physical activities that a couple can do before they are married.

However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue - that does not mean God approves of "pre-sexual" activity before marriage. By essence, "foreplay" is designed to get you "ready" for sex. Logically, then, "foreplay" should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered "foreplay" should be avoided until marriage. The problem becomes "what does it take to get you read for sex"? What is foreplay to you? Foreplay would be anything that tempts you to take it further?Any and all sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. I agree. What can a pre-married couple do? A pre-married couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered "foreplay." 

My church strongly advises a couple to not go beyond holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage. They would look down upon anything more than that BUT they don't restrict those things. You have to know in your heart what is too much for you. If you are easily turned on by light kissing (even a kiss on the cheek) and it would tempt you to say....de-clothe...then that's not a good thing. But if a peck on the cheek is not a temptation to do more then it may not be a bad thing for you. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in a marriage becomes.

I say this as someone who did wait until marriage to have sex.

Sigh...I know what I say above to be the right way and what you've said to be the right way for you.

Unfortunately, since my divorce, I've fallen off the wagon a few times with the current fiance. At on point, I even tried to convince myself that AT LEAST we waited until we were engaged so it's ok but we know it's not. We are in the process of going to church and taking a couple's class to rectify our relationship and receive God's blessing before next year. Keep your head up Shimmie. Things will work in your favor!


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## Shimmie (Aug 3, 2007)

chinadoll said:


> BUMP.............


My precious little sister...  I almost forgot about this thread...'almost'


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## Shimmie (Aug 3, 2007)

adequate said:


> Hi Shimmie,I respect your decision to handle things the way you think is right. I have a girlfriend who just married now at 37 with those same principles but she is married to her gift from God. People could learn a lot from God's Word (through you).
> 
> Now, I wanted to add a few things. Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people." Anything that even "hints" of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a "list" of what qualifies as a "hint" or tell us specifically what are approved physical activities that a couple can do before they are married.
> 
> ...


 
You have a pureness in heart that is more than 'Adequate' and so pleasing to God.  You testimony has tear in my eyes.  

I take no pride in having been celibate all this time.  Had I been 'involved' I don't believe I would have remained so.   God had me so distracted from Romance these past years that my focus was elsewhere. My 'other' passions/loves were being fed.   My family, My Church, My Floral/Bridal Creations, and a 2nd chance to Dance; adding to that a 9-5 daily grind.  I threw myself into all of these things leaving no time to rest or do much of anything else.

"Adequate Spirit"...that's what comes to mind with your name. God is taking you far into ministry for you have such a pureness in heart, that He has found 'favor' with you, whose assessment is none less than that of His son, Jesus.  You excel in submission to Him; and with you He is well-pleased.  

:blowkiss:


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## Shimmie (Aug 3, 2007)

shalita05 said:


> You go girl, SHimmie!!!


 
  For you...angel.


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## calliope (Aug 6, 2007)

When I was in college, I had a professor who shared that she had been a virgin until the age of 52!  This was because she was saving herself for her husband.  Of course, it was difficult and she said that it was frustrating watching people get married throughout her youth- and watching her students get engaged as she got older- while she was still single.  She told us that she lived daily by this scripture:

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)​
Finally, at the age of 52, she met the man of her dreams.  One of her students set her up with her father who is a well known dermatologist in that area.  She was so thrilled to tell us that she's now a doctor's wife and a mother (step-mother), living a very comfortable life style with a wonderful husband and it was all because she trusted in the Lord and never strayed from her resolve even though it hurt and she felt at times forgotten and alone.  We just need to remember that the Lord is enough.  When we delight in Him and not our own ways, He always gives us not only what we want, but what we need because He only wants the best for us.  So for those of you who are waiting/celibate/virgins don't look at it as isolation, think of it as time for the Lord to prepare the man for you that you truly deserve and is worthy of your Temple (your body).  I know it's hard, but I can also attest that it is so worth it in the end to know that your happiness is a direct result of the fact that your in the will of the Lord.​


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## Shimmie (Apr 2, 2009)

With all of the 'mess' going around these days,  I'm so glad to be standing my ground.  

No Wed, No Bed.   No Contract, No Contact!   

I'm serious!


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 3, 2009)

Preach preacher....


ritzbitz78 said:


> Love it! And have lived it!
> 
> The problem is that God's standards seems extreme these days, because we all are so drunk on what the world has to offer...
> 
> ...


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 3, 2009)

Thank you for this thread. 
I didnt always know my purpose, value, or worth. Now, that I do, I go for the "extremes" in God because I want him to be pleased with my conduct. 



Shimmie said:


> Those words are easy to remember...
> 
> Angels, stick with me...I promise this will bless you. I promise you.
> 
> ...


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 3, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Thank you for this thread.
> I didnt always know my purpose, value, or worth. Now, that I do, I go for the "extremes" in God because I want him to be pleased with my conduct.


Thank YOU, Pretty Face   

I have NO regrets.  More and more I thank God that when I_ unveil_ before my husband, I can whisper these loving words to him, as he gazes in amaze at the gift of me...

_:Rose:  "For you, my Love.... No one before you; not even me."_


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## Choclatcotton (Apr 3, 2009)

Basically, the lie the devil tells is, "If you sleep with him, he will stay with you." Just give a little in that area, don't be so up tight, your going to marry him anyway.  Lies I tell ya!  I have gained so much self respect for walking away, after listening to diablo.  I am so happy I asked God to give me power to overcome these urges and regain my self respect and he did!!


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## Shimmie (Apr 3, 2009)

Choclatcotton said:


> Basically, the lie the devil tells is, "If you sleep with him, he will stay with you." Just give a little in that area, don't be so up tight, your going to marry him anyway.
> 
> Lies I tell ya!
> 
> ...


 
I know, Girl!   It does feel so good to walk away.  

Good for you!      

We do not 'cast' our Pearls before swine'.


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## Nice & Wavy (Apr 3, 2009)

How did I miss this thread?  What an awesome thread it is!!!

Shimmie....I am still waiting for the book you are writing (yep, I said it again)

You ladies are awesome!!!


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## saved06 (Apr 3, 2009)

Yea Shimme. There is nothing extreme about what you are doing. My next relationship, he better be happy to get a pat on the back. Because there will be no kissing, hugging, late night talk, won't step foot in my house, dates will be in the morning or afternoon, not late nights.....if I have to explain to him why he needs to go to church...it is done...We have to be more bold in living for Christ and setting or better yet living up to the standard Christ set for us. I think Women really set the tone of the relationship. We have to realize how valuable we are...we birth generations lol. and the bible says He who finds a wife finds a good thing. So we are the prize and should present ourselves as such. Plus you will know where his heart is at once you set those standards.


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## Shimmie (Apr 3, 2009)

Nice & Wavy said:


> How did I miss this thread? What an awesome thread it is!!!
> 
> Shimmie....I am still waiting for the book you are writing (yep, I said it again)
> 
> You ladies are awesome!!!


  Precious Wavy.   I love this thread.   It still blesses me to re-read it.   

The book is the making as I type....    With plenty of scripture back-up...  
http://www.amymichelson.com/amy_catalog.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/ad_campaign.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/amy_bio.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/amy_style.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/amy_charity.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/amy_stores.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/amy_trunkshows.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/amy_alist.htmlhttp://www.amymichelson.com/index.html 
And gorgeous gowns to wear for my husband.... :blush3:


----------



## Nice & Wavy (Apr 3, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Precious Wavy. I love this thread. It still blesses me to re-read it.
> 
> The book is the making as I type....  With plenty of scripture back-up...
> 
> And gorgeous gowns to wear for my husband.... :blush3:


Wonderful.....yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!





And that gown is fierce!!!


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 3, 2009)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Wonderful.....yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm showing off.... :blush3:


----------



## inthepink (Apr 3, 2009)

calliope said:


> When I was in college, I had a professor who shared that she had been a virgin until the age of 52!  This was because she was saving herself for her husband.  Of course, it was difficult and she said that it was frustrating watching people get married throughout her youth- and watching her students get engaged as she got older- while she was still single.  She told us that she lived daily by this scripture:
> 
> "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)​
> Finally, at the age of 52, she met the man of her dreams.  One of her students set her up with her father who is a well known dermatologist in that area.  She was so thrilled to tell us that she's now a doctor's wife and a mother (step-mother), living a very comfortable life style with a wonderful husband and it was all because she trusted in the Lord and never strayed from her resolve even though it hurt and she felt at times forgotten and alone.  We just need to remember that the Lord is enough.  When we delight in Him and not our own ways, He always gives us not only what we want, but what we need because He only wants the best for us.  So for those of you who are waiting/celibate/virgins don't look at it as isolation, think of it as time for the Lord to prepare the man for you that you truly deserve and is worthy of your Temple (your body).  I know it's hard, but I can also attest that it is so worth it in the end to know that your happiness is a direct result of the fact that your in the will of the Lord.​



OMG - this brings tears to my eyes.  It sounds so awful but I just pray that God doesn't make me wait that long.  I don't know how she did it - not the physical intimacy part, just the life-partner part of it.


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 3, 2009)

saved06 said:


> Yea Shimme. There is nothing extreme about what you are doing. My next relationship, he better be happy to get a pat on the back. Because there will be no kissing, hugging, late night talk, won't step foot in my house, dates will be in the morning or afternoon, not late nights.....
> 
> *if I have to explain to him why he needs to go to church...it is done...*
> 
> ...


Girl you' preachin'...  

at the large red bolded above in your quote... I love it!  You don't have no time for foolishness.      

_  @  "...if you have to explain why he has to go to Church." _

_ _

Funny but so true.    Excellent post, 'Saved06'  :Rose:


----------



## aribell (Apr 4, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Precious Wavy. I love this thread. It still blesses me to re-read it.
> 
> The book is the making as I type....  With plenty of scripture back-up...
> 
> And gorgeous gowns to wear for my husband.... :blush3:


 
That sari was _beautiful_!!  I get so jealous of Indian women and the lovely modest _and_ feminine clothes they get to wear.


----------



## Choclatcotton (Apr 4, 2009)

This is a great post!! THanks Shimmie and err body! SO encouraging!


----------



## Renewed1 (Apr 4, 2009)

Thank you Shimmie for writing this; I'm currently reevaluating my whole line of thinking when it comes to dating and relationships.  I'm even reading God's Chosen, to set my mind on the Godly way of dating.


----------



## Renewed1 (Apr 4, 2009)

hairlove said:


> OMG - this brings tears to my eyes. It sounds so awful but I just pray that God doesn't make me wait that long. I don't know how she did it - not the physical intimacy part, just the life-partner part of it.


 

I so agree Hairlove.  I will be 33 this year and I never been married nor do I have children.


----------



## BeautifulFlower (Apr 4, 2009)

Hey Sis Shimmie, 

I just wanted to share something with you. 

This has helped me to embrace stronger and higher standards. Not to be up tight, but because I truly believe God has intended me for one man. I've dropped the ball so much in my life and God's will for our life is that we be saved and live as a sanctified sacrifice. 

But oh the power of contentment. Its the key to all of this. Its being at peace with not having to have things your way. Its saying in all things Thou Willl Be Done. Its the resting faith that God knows exactly what he's doing and, because you know he loves and trust you, he'll give you all you desire in his timing because his timing is perfect. God answers the prays of those who delight in him, rest and wait on him.

I am soooo content in my singleness right now. Its not because of me but by God's grace I can experience this peace. Reading and hearing his word daily really really priority. Without, Im nervous and impatient and worrying about everything.


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 4, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Hey Sis Shimmie,
> 
> I just wanted to share something with you.
> 
> ...


 

Little sister, not only did God give you a PrettyFace, but a Beautiful Soul which He fully delights Himself in.   

Bless God forever and ever.  For He truly does keep His promises and betrothes His daughters faithfully, to Good Men who will love, honor and cherish them to the fullest measure and beyond. 

I have a lot of 'options' with men.  They're not scarce in my life....however,  No Wed, No Bed....   They love me for it.


----------



## Almaz (Apr 4, 2009)

Let me ask you do people ever look at you wierd when they find out YOU don't have children?  Like for the life of them THEY KNOW you are hiding a Baby Daddy somewhere and you are not telling them. Have you ever gotten those looks

Just Curious





Changed said:


> I so agree Hairlove. I will be 33 this year and I never been married nor do I have children.


----------



## inthepink (Apr 4, 2009)

Almaz said:


> Let me ask you do people ever look at you wierd when they find out YOU don't have children?  Like for the life of them THEY KNOW you are hiding a Baby Daddy somewhere and you are not telling them. Have you ever gotten those looks
> 
> Just Curious



I know what you mean - if someone asked if I were single and then if I had children and I said "No" - I'd usually get a shocked wide-eyed look and then "really? no kids?"   I find it annoying, insulting, and a stereotype.


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 4, 2009)

hairlove said:


> I know what you mean - if someone asked if I were single and then if I had children and I said "No" - I'd usually get a shocked wide-eyed look and then "really? no kids?" I find it annoying, insulting, and a stereotype.


Walk tall and proud, Hairlove.  

Folks in my family call me 'weird' because of my 'stand', yet I'm the first one they call / come to for prayer.   I don't say this in arrogance, but our stand is not in vain.  We paid a 'price' and God will honor it, with dividends that no bank can match, especially in these days of their financial failure. 

When folks, come at you like that, just tell them, 'It's all about Jesus.'


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 4, 2009)

Almaz said:


> Let me ask you do people ever look at you wierd when they find out YOU don't have children? Like for the life of them THEY KNOW you are hiding a Baby Daddy somewhere and you are not telling them. Have you ever gotten those looks
> 
> Just Curious


Just show them your beautiful smile, Almaz.    You have broken the back of the negative sterotype and you have a lot to be proud of.  You've given the devil a mega black eye.


----------



## inthepink (Apr 4, 2009)

I hope not to take this thread off topic but I got to thinking today (yes, again  ) and I feel like I don't have things to talk  about with people.  I want to talk about God and being a Christian and struggles as a Christian...single Christian, etc.  But people don't seem interested in that and so, I consider myself "different" and probably boring to most people.

How do you deal with that?  In this thread, the thought is  that you are, in essence - different.   But it can be such a lonely existence.


----------



## divya (Apr 5, 2009)

Wonderful thread.  Shimmie, you are not extreme at all.  You are upholding that standards that the Lord intended for us. This is the way it should be.


----------



## BeautifulFlower (Apr 5, 2009)

Gurllll....I know what you mean. But this is the beauty of God. 

I have found that in making an uncompromised decision to walk with God, you know you gotten switch everything up right? Its the transformation process. In doing so, God brings other like minded people into your life. Pray for it too. God is listening and answering prayers to those who will wait on him. Pray for people that are as enthusiastic about Jesus and living holy and pure as you are. 

In the mean time, if you dont have anyone to talk to, talk to Dad cause he wants to talk to you. 

Disclaimer: I have also found in my life that God has kept me from getting to close to people if my life was out of order. I had alot of worldly people around not nearly enough godly people. And it was because of how I was living. When I changed, God changed my friends. 



hairlove said:


> I hope not to take this thread off topic but I got to thinking today (yes, again ) and I feel like I don't have things to talk about with people. I want to talk about God and being a Christian and struggles as a Christian...single Christian, etc. But people don't seem interested in that and so, I consider myself "different" and probably boring to most people.
> 
> How do you deal with that? In this thread, the thought is that you are, in essence - different. But it can be such a lonely existence.


----------



## Shimmie (Apr 5, 2009)

hairlove said:


> I hope not to take this thread off topic but I got to thinking today (yes, again ) and I feel like I don't have things to talk about with people. I want to talk about God and being a Christian and struggles as a Christian...single Christian, etc. But people don't seem interested in that and so, I consider myself "different" and probably boring to most people.
> 
> How do you deal with that? In this thread, the thought is that you are, in essence - different. But it can be such a lonely existence.


First of all, let's look at what's going on.  And it's very good for this thread, for it will be very helpful to help those arrive to, and those to maintain the stand of being 'different.'   

When you make a decision to live right for Jesus Christ or for life 'period', the enemy of your soul, (satan with his mind tricks) will launch an attack to try and bring you back into the life of sin, that you were once in.   

Falling in love with Jesus changes your entire heart and therefore your thought pattern, which alters your choices of lifestyle; your entire existance and character changes and it's all for the good.   

Your friends and family don't recognize you; there's such a radiant glow that dwells in your soul and shines throughout your entire being, that it literally blinds them and they 'back up'; some back off.   

Your light becomes a radar to some of their souls; with others, they have a wall of resistance (lack of interest); some even anger.  Yet there are others who simply do not understand and the change in you represents a 'Greek' definition of which they cannot comprehend, therefore, they retreat to their safety zones. 

When you think about it,_ Falling in Love with Jesus_, is likened to a White Son or Daughter who brings home a _Black Fiancee_ to meet the parents and family.   Everything stops except the mighty waves of shock  .

Folks 'react', by resistance to this new and 'different' person and change in your life.  They don't like it.  Hence, they throw up walls of steel and iron, to place a distance between you and your beliefs.    And there satan is all along, using those alienated (disinterested) folks to make you feel isolated, hence the feeling and the 'fear' of being lonely.  

It's those feelings (lonliness, inferioritity) that satan uses 'quite' masterfully upon Believers to 'draw' them back into the crowd and to give up on their faith in Jesus to have the comfort of feeling accepted and loved.   Afterall, sinners may be sinners, but they still have feelings of love and care for others, 'we' want their love and acceptance back, however they live in a danger zone, from which God has delivered us.  We simply can't go back.

However, you are not alone.  This is actually where God wants us, to test our resistance to 'their' resistance.   Here is where we become stronger in the Lord, go deeper into Him or bail out and join the former crowd.   However, the former life isn't conducive to what we've found in Jesus, so inspite of the fear of being alone and isolated, we stay with the Lord and become more than Conquerors, through Him who loves us.

We are then blessed with those of 'like precious faith'; others who are deeper into the things of God.   Our hunger and thirst for righteousness, grows even deeper and we seek more of Jesus and His approval of us,  than we do of those who do not.  

Don't ever fear the loss of those who do not support your walk in the Lord.  For God has promised us faithfully in His word, that whatever we give up for the sake of the Lord, that He will multiply it back to us 100-fold, NOW in this time, but that it comes with persecution.   The persecution being, standing strong and believing God no matter what satan tries to threaten us with.   

Afterall, that's all it ever is/was.... a threat.   For satan lies; he can never bring anything to pass that he threatens us with, because it's lie in the first place.   Those feelings of being alone and isolated are just that, 'a lie', for God will never forsake, leave, isolate, nor leave you alone and without love and someone to share your love with.  No, not ever. 

Hugs and blessings..... 

You are never alone in your stand for Jesus ... no, not ever.


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## inthepink (Apr 5, 2009)

Shimmie - Thanks for your post - wonderful and wise as always.

I want to share a little something that's happened to me over the past few days.

I have not been feeling very well all week  so I was very happy to get off work on Friday and head home. But even though I didn't feel well, I wanted to stop off at the bookstore - to see if maybe they had the  companion bible for the Bible Experience - even though I knew I'd miss the first train to the burbs.

I looked at books here and there and gradually ended up in the Christian section looking at Bibles.  Just as I finished (I didn't find what I was looking for.) and was about to walk away, something caught my eye.  

It was a book titled "Lady in Waiting."  It caught  my eye b/c I usually refer to myself as this in online  dating profiles.  And I think it would be a charming job to have been a true lady in waiting back in the queendom days.  

I stopped and picked up the bookand haven't stopped reading itsince I got on thetrain.

The funny thing?

This book is all about the topic of this thread.

Standing  out- falling in love with Jesus while single as well as remaining pure including no kissing  - everything that Shimmie and Pebbles talked about here.

As I read, I have a colored pen and am underlining andtakingnotes as well as answering the journal questions.  

I just think - wow,how amazing is it that God always gives you just what you need when you need it?  

Lately, I had been feeling SO VERY SAD  about being single - this book and this thread is EXACTLY what I need right now.

The most amazing  that that I have learned so far is that now I have  the time to make myself complete - not AFTER I get married.  


Thanks ladies.


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 5, 2009)

OMG I wanna kiss you. 

I am on the last chapter of this book. Isnt it the truth?!?!? These ladies hold no cut cards...

I am so content now. So at peace with my relationship with God and my singleness. Every guy that God doesnt let approach me, is one less heartbreak in my eyes now. I just praise God and keep it moving. 

I have also read...Choosing God's Best by Dr. Don Raunikar and Your Knight and Shining Armor by P.B. Wilson. I highly recommend those books as well. 





hairlove said:


> It was a book titled "Lady in Waiting." It caught my eye b/c I usually refer to myself as this in online dating profiles.  And I think it would be a charming job to have been a true lady in waiting back in the queendom days.
> 
> I stopped and picked up the bookand haven't stopped reading itsince I got on thetrain.
> 
> ...


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## inthepink (Apr 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> OMG I wanna kiss you.
> 
> I am on the last chapter of this book. Isnt it the truth?!?!? These ladies hold no cut cards...
> 
> ...



You are so cute.  I am so thankful for the ladies on this board.  As I mentioned, I don't have many Christian friends here and so it is a blessing to have you all.

How awesome that you  are reading this book. I am loving it. I have the version with the study guide and journal all-in-one.

I have also read Choosing God's Best a few years ago - I should re-read it. I  will look up Your Knight in Shining Armour and check that one out too.    This reading helps me to focus.  Sometimes Ij ust want to stay home and read these books and read/browse the bible. I still always feel like there isn't enough time to learn!


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 5, 2009)

We love you and we're here to bless and encourage each other (and maybe even correct  each other every once in a while)...I've made more than friends on here...I got some big sis's too (Love ya Shimmie)

I have the expanded version too. I've only read the book and answer the questions at the end of the chapters. I am going to start the study guide and journal soon. But I wanna dive into the Gospels more so like you said its just not enough time. 

These books are one of the main reasons I am so content. They really do help you stay focus. Its all about Jesus. I stay home ALOT now and just read and pray and listen to Mark Driscoll's sermons (www.marshillchurch.org). No dates, no phone conversations, and I am so ok with that. Oh and I am on here entirely too much but its ok. I love talking with you guys.

People keep telling me..."Girl you are too beautiful to be alone  . Your husband is gonna find you soon." I keep telling them...I just want me and Jesus right now. I dont want just any man and I am not ready for my husband (who I know will be off the chain). I'm still under construction. I just wanna care about me right now. Thats all. Why cant a girl just be ok with being alone? Like physical beauty equates to inner beauty....



hairlove said:


> You are so cute. I am so thankful for the ladies on this board. As I mentioned, I don't have many Christian friends here and so it is a blessing to have you all.
> 
> How awesome that you are reading this book. I am loving it. I have the version with the study guide and journal all-in-one.
> 
> I have also read Choosing God's Best a few years ago - I should re-read it. I will look up Your Knight in Shining Armour and check that one out too. This reading helps me to focus. Sometimes Ij ust want to stay home and read these books and read/browse the bible. I still always feel like there isn't enough time to learn!


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## inthepink (Apr 5, 2009)

Good for you!

Glad I am not alone in "enjoying my time alone."  I like watching some of the sermons on TBN and just reading.  

I will check out Mark Driscoll.

I've learned and found some great resources here!  



prettyfaceANB said:


> We love you and we're here to bless and encourage each other (and maybe even correct  each other every once in a while)...I've made more than friends on here...I got some big sis's too (Love ya Shimmie)
> 
> I have the expanded version too. I've only read the book and answer the questions at the end of the chapters. I am going to start the study guide and journal soon. But I wanna dive into the Gospels more so like you said its just not enough time.
> 
> ...


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## inthepink (Apr 5, 2009)

Love Rob Bell!!! Did not know this was his church. I am not finding sermons for Mark Driscoll - can you please send me a more direct link?


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## AnnDriena_ (Apr 5, 2009)

I'd just like to add that when we are truly trusting in God and waiting on the one from HIM we can CHOOSE to date.....but....Dating is nowhere in the bible. There is no testing the goods and all that which a lot of people choose to engage in. And even when we are dating. I personally don't need to be engaged for long periods of time. Either we have choosen to be together and have been counseled enough and are going into this clear eyed or not. Some people have engagements that last longer than marriages. And then when they finally get married the engagment is longer than their marriage.


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## phynestone (Apr 5, 2009)

This thread has been so encouraging to me. I've been so sad and despondent about this part of my life, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 5, 2009)

hairlove said:


> Love Rob Bell!!! Did not know this was his church. I am not finding sermons for Mark Driscoll - can you please send me a more direct link?


 
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/sermons

I love all his sermons. I just pick a series and dive in....

He also has a youtube channel: (You can get snippets of sermons)http://www.youtube.com/user/mhcseattle


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## Shimmie (Apr 5, 2009)

hairlove said:


> Shimmie - Thanks for your post - wonderful and wise as always.
> 
> I want to share a little something that's happened to me over the past few days.
> 
> ...


   Beautiful Hairlove :Rose:

What a beautiful experience to share with us, what you just did in your posts in this thread.

So many precious ladies (and even men) think that there's something wrong with them or that they are all alone in this walk of ours, and that they are the only ones who have tears.  Lord knows, I've had my tearful moments, (which is why I stopped wearing mascara and grew my own lashes ). 

I also commute via train to / from the 'burbs'    There's nothing I dislike more is 'waiting' for a train which doesn't arrive on time, or at least when I expect it to pull into the station and open it's doors with an empty seat for me alone.   (Yeah... I'm one of those 'Burger King' train riders, it has to be _my way _).   

While I was reading your post above about the train, I thinking about waiting, and God just a few moments ago, whispered into my heart the following:

_"Stop waiting, just be ready."_


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 5, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> .
> 
> While I was reading your post above about the train, I thinking about waiting, and God just a few moments ago, whispered into my heart the following:
> 
> _"Stop waiting, just be ready."_


 

That was so beautiful! Thank you for saying that. I am  going to go to sleep meditating on that. 

And when he brings him, I am going to be real cool and self-controlled. 

But when we're married, :hippie4: 

Its gonna be alot of this, 

Then that night, this a whole lot of this....
:whipgirl:and this
and this 
:blondbooband definitely this...
​


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## Shimmie (Apr 5, 2009)

AnnDriena_ said:


> *Some people have engagements that last longer than marriages.*
> 
> And then when they finally get married the engagment is longer than their marriage.




Okay, let me say that your entire post is truly on point.   But the bolded above is So much the TRUTH, as I ain't neva' heard it said.  

I've gotten to the point to where I actually cannot stand to hear the word and/or term 'Fiancee' (Fiance).   It's over used and half of the time it doesn't mean a hill of beans.   It's truthfully lost it's meaning as far as I'm concerned.  Especially when it's used by women on those talk shows / court shows in reference to her crack head no workin' man who's just using her... 

OR when it's used by a man who's using the woman and wants to look as if he's not. Folks just want to give 'shacking up' a sprinkle of 'glory dust'.

*Therefore*, I agree with you about long, extended engagements are not for me.   

Here's something else which I have NEVER understood.  Why do folks shack up with the reason being that they're not getting married until they can afford it?     Ummmmm, you're already living together as married.  Having babies... "What am I missing here?"    Just get married.  erplexed

And I truly do not say this to embarrass or offend anyone in this situation.  I don't.


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## Shimmie (Apr 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> That was so beautiful! Thank you for saying that. I am going to go to sleep meditating on that.
> 
> And when he brings him, I am going to be real cool and self-controlled.
> 
> ...


 
Awww, Little sis, sweet dreams of your new hubby.  He's coming sooner than you think.   

_For yet, a little while, He that shall come, WILL come and will not tarry._  (Hebrews 10:37)

_Soft Whisper..._

_Stop waiting, just be ready_.  

For God always delivers His promises, just as He fulfilled His promise to bring Issac and He fulfilled His Promise of bringing forth our Lord Jesus as our Deliverer.  

_Just be ready..._ 

Sweet Sleep Brides to be... Sweet sleep, your husbands God will keep, safely in His arms and in His heart alongside you.


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## Shimmie (Apr 5, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> That was so beautiful! Thank you for saying that. I am going to go to sleep meditating on that.
> 
> And when he brings him, I am going to be real cool and self-controlled.
> 
> ...


 
  

I gotta learn to override gravity so I can do this with perfection  

And I'm _finna' _to succeed with it too.


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## inthepink (Apr 6, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> Okay, let me say that your entire post is truly on point.   But the bolded above is So much the TRUTH, as I ain't neva' heard it said.
> 
> I've gotten to the point to where I actually cannot stand to hear the word and/or term 'Fiancee' (Fiance).   It's over used and half of the time it doesn't mean a hill of beans.   It's truthfully lost it's meaning as far as I'm concerned.  Especially when it's used by women on those talk shows / court shows in reference to her crack head no workin' man who's just using her...
> 
> ...



How true - How true!

My girlfriend got married last year.  She met her husband in May 2007.  In March 2008, they were engaged.  Her now-hubby asked her how long it would take her to plan the wedding and she told him 45 days.  They were married in May of 2008.  In late January of 2009, they welcomed a baby girl into the world.  They are both 41 this year.


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## inthepink (Apr 6, 2009)

Shimmie said:


> I gotta learn to override gravity so I can do this with perfection
> 
> And I'm _finna' _to succeed with it too.



You guys are too funny and sweet! I love the smile you both brought to my face.


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## mellowmel (Apr 6, 2009)

Ah man, I love this forum. You ladies are hilarious!



prettyfaceANB said:


> That was so beautiful! Thank you for saying that. I am  going to go to sleep meditating on that.
> 
> And when he brings him, I am going to be real cool and self-controlled.
> 
> ...


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## Shimmie (Apr 6, 2009)

mellowmel said:


> Ah man, I love this forum. You ladies are hilarious!


 I know, Right.... we KNOW how to enjoy life.  

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee  

Look Ma' ....... no hands   

 



All in Jesus.... All in Jesus!   Don't want nobody thinkin' we done backslide on a banana peel.


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## Shimmie (Apr 6, 2009)

hairlove said:


> You guys are too funny and sweet! I love the smile you both brought to my face.


 
Ahhhhh,  

:blowkiss:   Be Blessed Angel


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 6, 2009)

Dang...she wasnt playing....


hairlove said:


> How true - How true!
> 
> My girlfriend got married last year. She met her husband in May 2007. In March 2008, they were engaged. Her now-hubby asked her how long it would take her to plan the wedding and she told him 45 days. They were married in May of 2008. In late January of 2009, they welcomed a baby girl into the world. They are both 41 this year.


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## inthepink (Apr 6, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Dang...she wasnt playing....



Girl, no - she was not playing.  She actually already had a wedding dress from a called off wedding 2 years earlier.  When her hubby asked if she still wanted to work, she said "Well....no."  She's a stay-at-home mom and loving it.   She found herself a good man.  It think it says a lot for knowing who you are and what you want.


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## Shimmie (Apr 6, 2009)

prettyfaceANB said:


> Dang...she wasnt playing....


 


hairlove said:


> Girl, no - she was not playing. She actually already had a wedding dress from a called off wedding 2 years earlier. When her hubby asked if she still wanted to work, she said "Well....no." She's a stay-at-home mom and loving it.  She found herself a good man. It think it says a lot for knowing who you are and what you want.


 
I MUST share this with you.   

My girlfriends and I email each other all day throughout the day, we have our own email 'forum' where we click 'reply all', all day long.     One of my friends was going through a 'singles' phase, meaning that all of her messages were related to how to be happy and single,   

After the 50-11th one, I told her to STOP!   Stop calling yourself single .  Instead, you are 'Married-to-Be'. She stopped.  This was  August 2004.    

In December 2004 her husband to be came into her life.   They were married September 2006.  

My POINT!   Stop calling or thinking of yourselves as single.  Don't settle into a 'single' life.   Ready yourselves and think of yourselves for where you intend to be.   A Godly Wife to your Godly Husband.   

You are 'Brides-to-Be'    

I'll tell you what happened to me.  I ended up with two men.  

Can't decide which one.  God gave me one answer, "Trust Me".


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## mellowmel (Apr 6, 2009)

I don't really feel there is a need for a long engagement if you have prayed about it and God has sent/ordained for the marriage to happen. Before getting engaged you should already know and asked God about the person. No need for a long engagement to try things out or make sure. If its ordained by God there is no need figure out/feel it out/wait it out; you know all the terms people use to prolong things.


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## Shimmie (Apr 6, 2009)

mellowmel said:


> I don't really feel there is a need for a long engagement if you have prayed about it and God has sent/ordained for the marriage to happen. Before getting engaged you should already know and asked God about the person. No need for a long engagement to try things out or make sure. If its ordained by God there is no need figure out/feel it out/wait it out; you know all the terms people use to prolong things.


I agree with you mellowmel.    I think 'too many of 'us' overthink and over analyze our situations.   I know I'm guilty of it.  But there are times when God will say, 'Wait, and Trust me.  

I still totally agree with your post.


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## mellowmel (Apr 6, 2009)

So true. 



Shimmie said:


> I agree with you mellowmel.    I think 'too many of 'us' overthink and over analyze our situations.   I know I'm guilty of it.  But there are times when God will say, 'Wait, and Trust me.
> 
> I still totally agree with your post.


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## inthepink (Apr 6, 2009)

mellowmel said:


> I don't really feel there is a need for a long engagement if you have prayed about it and God has sent/ordained for the marriage to happen. Before getting engaged you should already know and asked God about the person. No need for a long engagement to try things out or make sure. If its ordained by God there is no need figure out/feel it out/wait it out; you know all the terms people use to prolong things.



So true - a friend told me that her friend got engaged but she really wasn't into the guy but she said well, it doesn't matter b/c we are going to be engaged for 3 years anyway.    Engagement is not the time to be getting to know each other.  It is the time to prepare the wedding.


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## Shimmie (Apr 6, 2009)

hairlove said:


> So true -
> 
> *a friend told me that her friend got engaged but she really wasn't into the guy but she said well, it doesn't matter b/c we are going to be engaged for 3 years anyway*.
> 
> Engagement is not the time to be getting to know each other. It is the time to prepare the wedding.


 
At the bolded:  It's such a waste of life.   That man could very well be another woman's husband that was being 'held up' in this unfruitful situation.     Such a sad, sad, shame.     

It reminds me of when Daniel's prayer was held up for 21 days.   The angel was trying to get to him, but he was delayed by the devil.

I'm serious about this.   Many women who have been praying for their husbands to come forth and men who are praying for their wives, as well, no doubt the delay is because of situations in being with the wrong person, tying them up from their true spouse.  

_Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. 

But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, MICHAEL, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia.   (Daniel 10:12-13) _

Shoot!   "Turn me loose!"


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## Shimmie (Apr 6, 2009)

I was just reading this in Daniel.   I felt so comforted by these words...

_"....For unto thee,  am I now sent..."_ 

Daniel 10: 7-11:

7 And I Daniel alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves. 

8 Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no strength. 

9 Yet heard I the voice of his words: and when I heard the voice of his words, then was I in a deep sleep on my face, and my face toward the ground. 

10 And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and upon the palms of my hands. 

11 And he said unto me, O Daniel, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: *for unto thee am I now sent.   *And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling. 

---------------

Hmmmmm, just flowing with the word of God in peace.   That word is for someone.   In whatever capacity that the Holy Spirit speaks to your heart, receive it.   

_".... for unto thee, am I now sent..."_

In Jesus' name,  

Amen....  :heart2:

Daniel didn't compromise...he was an extremist all the way for God.


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## BeautifulFlower (Apr 6, 2009)

mellowmel said:


> I don't really feel there is a need for a long engagement if you have prayed about it and God has sent/ordained for the marriage to happen. Before getting engaged you should already know and asked God about the person. No need for a long engagement to try things out or make sure. If its ordained by God there is no need figure out/feel it out/wait it out; you know all the terms people use to prolong things.


 
In the book, Choosing God's Best, he made this very point. Engagement period are for planning the wedding, maybe pre-marital counseling (though he encourages this kind of counseling BEFORE you get engaged). If you have doubts in the engagement, you're intuition is often always right. Stop dont go no further.


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## mellowmel (Apr 6, 2009)

I have this book!



prettyfaceANB said:


> In the book, Choosing God's Best, he made this very point. Engagement period are for planning the wedding, maybe pre-marital counseling (though he encourages this kind of counseling BEFORE you get engaged). If you have doubts in the engagement, you're intuition is often always right. Stop dont go no further.


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