# Has anyone been married and thought it was orchestrated/ordained by God



## Aviah (Aug 26, 2012)

Then gotten divorced?
Its a serious question. 

What do you think happened?
Do you blame God in a way, or just think it was human error?


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## MrsHaseeb (Aug 26, 2012)

I have ... I'm divorced now. The mistake I made then was focusing solely on emotion "oh I just love him and he loves me" yet I failed to be realistic about what I truly wanted out of life and lining that up with what God wants for me according to His Word. After the marriage ended I thought of all the signs I missed and that was the key. Deep down we know it isn't of God. He warns us. He said His sheep hear his voice. So then that brings the question, are we asking God and truly being open to what He has to say or are so desperate that we hear our own voices and make our voices sound like God's. 

The other side of that... We go into the marriage with unrealistic expectations or we change when enter into the marriage and we lose focus on God as the source of our decision making. We being to rely on the world and their system which causes destruction in our marriages.

I believe that God can restore any marriage if 2 people are willing to rely on him. My ex husband was Muslim.. So the problem there was that we were unequally yoked. I even tried to become Muslim (didn't work). I met him at a time when I was in a really poor state emotionally. My pastor always says we don't get what we want, we get what we are. A relationship is a reflection of what's in you. So we need to change ourselves and the type of man we attract will change. I gave my life fully back to God after getting divorced (and going though a string of horrible relationships) and I met a great man... I hope to be posting in the thread about how God answered our prayers for a husband soon 

I know that was long. Hope it helps someone.

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## sweetvi (Aug 26, 2012)

MrsHaseeb

"We do not get what we want, we get what we are"

That is deep!  And so very trueeeee. That is why, it is important sometimes to avoid random and just go through a season of singleness where God is working on our insides and purging us of our unrighteousness ,hurt, pain so that we can become a new vessel in Christ! Not only for his glory but for our future spouse's as well.


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## mrselle (Aug 26, 2012)

A dear friend of mine married her first husband because she truly believed that he was the one God wanted her to marry.  She was a single mother and I remember her crying out to God saying that raising a child on her own was too hard and if she had some help things would be easier.  Her first husband was a nice enough guy, but the bottom line is that he lacked all the qualities of a husband.  When she met him he was living with his grandmother, he had no car and his job situation was shaky.  And that was just the stuff that was on the surface.  They were married for about four years and most of those four years were filled with hardships.  Him not wanting to work and walking around in brand new clothes when she barely had any clothes was one issue.  Another issue is that there was a time when her child (from a previous relationship) needed some medicine and he refused to give her the money for the medicine.  He seemed to be content to let her be the "man" of the house.  I remember us talking about the end of their marriage and I asked her how she felt because she believed with her whole heart that he was the man God sent to her.  She said that marrying him may not have been God's perfect will for her life, but she believed that there was a lesson in it for her.  She said before she got married she thought her life would be so much easier if she had a husband to help her.  She said that being married made her realize that everything that she needs is within her and God will make a way.


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## auparavant (Aug 26, 2012)

You know, G-d could bring people together and the couple could equally tear themselves apart.


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## Kinkyhairlady (Aug 26, 2012)

I'm not married but I do believe being equally yoked is the first sign God gives us. Second is if the two are compatible in other areas of life. One thing that God never fails to show us are signs "red flags". Somestimes there are signs right before our eyes and we ignore them. Just because one meets someone at church that does not mean they're the right one for you. It goes deeper and folks really need to pray God for guidance when deciding to even date someone. Some say they are letting God direct but when it comes to choosing a mate we forget that God should be helping us with the decision. Also marriage is hard work and some people give up to easy when things seem to get rough.


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## Aviah (Aug 27, 2012)

One of my former teachers at school was a Christian (still is) and believed that God showed him his wife before he even met her. They did get married and have two children. After her father died, however, she did a lot of re-evaluating and said she didn't want to be with him any more. They are still not together, and it still boggles me that God would give him a vision like that knowing what would happen if he married her. 

Things like this concern me because it seems that after you do everything you can to play your cards right, and live by God;s will, and even listen to him when he shows you someone is your spouse, its no better than when people in the world just marry for love. Just as fickle and volatile- that's a scary thought.


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## Maracujá (Aug 27, 2012)

Aviah said:


> One of my former teachers at school was a Christian (still is) and believed that God showed him his wife before he even met her. They did get married and have two children. After her father died, however, she did a lot of re-evaluating and said she didn't want to be with him any more. They are still not together, and it still boggles me that God would give him a vision like that knowing what would happen if he married her.
> 
> *Things like this concern me because it seems that after you do everything you can to play your cards right, and live by God;s will, and even listen to him when he shows you someone is your spouse, its no better than when people in the world just marry for love. Just as fickle and volatile- that's a scary thought.*



This scares me too but Bronzegoddess01 made a great video concerning this addressed to single ladies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S5rw74MNEo&feature=plcp), she talks about God showing multiple signs concerning the man you're supposed to marry.



MrsHaseeb said:


> I have ... I'm divorced now. The mistake I made then was focusing solely on emotion "oh I just love him and he loves me" yet I failed to be realistic about what I truly wanted out of life and lining that up with what God wants for me according to His Word. After the marriage ended I thought of all the signs I missed and that was the key. Deep down we know it isn't of God. He warns us. He said His sheep hear his voice. *So then that brings the question, are we asking God and truly being open to what He has to say or are so desperate that we hear our own voices and make our voices sound like God's. *
> 
> The other side of that... We go into the marriage with unrealistic expectations or we change when enter into the marriage and we lose focus on God as the source of our decision making. We being to rely on the world and their system which causes destruction in our marriages.
> 
> ...



The bolded is so deep, I worry that I do that sometimes.


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## LoveisYou (Aug 27, 2012)

I think we need to pray for discernment when we believe we hear from God, because there are many voices and sometimes it's our own voice, not God's though we say it's God. 

A lot of people will swear God told them someone is their husband/wife when it's their own desires and feelings.


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## auparavant (Aug 27, 2012)

It might be G-d's will in that He is allowing things to happen for growth.  That might come via some hard times.  We're not talking about marrying an obvious player nor axe murderer, simpleton, embezzler, etc.  But people are flawed...all of us.  It's almost akin to saying that you are not right with G-d if you experience serious illness.  That is not true.  And one can get ill even if taking great care of self.  It is part of the human condition and is not always preventable.  

Well, marriage can be the same.  It's not that G- wants us to divorce each other (He allows it, it's in scripture) but, there might be a reason people are brought together.  Not everyone who ends up unhappily married or divorced is one who didn't listen nor seek G-d out.  Just like other tragic events in life that G-d allows, it might be another one of them.  One never knows.  There is no guarantee our lives are going to be stellar in marriage.  What Christ guarantees is that He will walk with us throughout life and never leave us alone.   

Some women ought take themselves off the hook for a failed relationship if they gave it all they could, in wisdom and justice.  Others who are not yet married ought not have fear to step out in life and cross that threshold, esp. if they are seeking G-d's face.  Counsel is often the best thing to get which can show you where weaknesses may lie  and if a marriage should take place.  But ultimately, whether through good or bad, our lives are definitely in the hands of G-d and He knows all well before any of it happens.


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## loolalooh (Aug 27, 2012)

I have a story to tell, though we didn't make it to the altar (Thank God) and thus didn't have to go through divorce.  I ended things before he could propose to me.

I'll keep this short.  I thought this man was the one I was to marry based on the following:

all his qualities lined up with what I wrote down for what I wanted in a husband
a specific prayer that God give me a specific confirmation that he was the one
prophets/pastors telling me that I would meet him in a particular time frame
prophets/pastors then confirming that he was the one
his great knowledge of Scripture and faith in us as a couple
other confirmations via prayer and signs

When did I learn he wasn't the man God had for me:

his cheating and lying
his mentally and emotionally abusing me
other things I care not to mention
at times, it appeared he was the devil himself (no lie)

*The discovery of him not being my future husband tore me up BIG time because I wondered how I misread God. * I just didn't and couldn't understand what happened.  I felt like I had covered all my bases - prayer, seeking counsel, and seeking confirmation.  As time went on and my heart healed, I learned what happened.

The enemy is a great deceiver and will have you thinking God is at work when it is really him at work.  *Additionally, at least in my case, this was a lesson that I should rely on 1) Scripture and 2) Obedience and not on outwards signs, confirmations, and prophets/pastors. * What do I mean?  Throughout our relationship, I only obeyed God 50% of the time and adhered to only 50% of the Scripture. 


I ignored Scripture that pointed to being "equally yoked"; this man was a Christian Buddhist.  I thought that was sufficient.  
I ignored the command to refrain from "sexual immorality".  This man and I were having premarital sex.
I ignored Scripture that pointed towards us being part of the "Body of Christ" and being part of the "church".  This man refused to attend church with me or church at all. He was good at quoting Scriptures, but we never meditated on it, prayed on it, or anything.

So, had I focused on these three things associated with Scripture AND Obedience, I would've recognized early on that he wasn't sent to be my husband.  Sometimes, I think we place too much stock in confirmations and signs.  Don't get me wrong; God does speak to us in such manners at times.  However, I think majority of the time, God isn't "talking" that much.  He wants us to "listen" to our inner spirit, and the best way to do that is to adhere to His Word (i.e., Scripture) and His Commands (i.e., obedience).


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## LoveisYou (Aug 27, 2012)

I thought this was very timely, said by Prophetess Tera Carissa Hodges:

"Jeremiah 17 says the heart is deceitful. Your heart is where your feelings are. So, you can’t rely on how you feel. You must rely on the Word of God, and wisdom, which is housed in your mind. That’s why the Bible says to keep your mind stayed on Him. Isaiah 26:3. Philippians 4:7 goes on to say that the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind."


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## MrsHaseeb (Aug 27, 2012)

loolalooh said:
			
		

> I have a story to tell, though we didn't make it to the altar (Thank God) and thus didn't have to go through divorce.  I ended things before he could propose to me.
> 
> I'll keep this short.  I thought this man was the one I was to marry based on the following:
> 
> ...



You posted an interesting point that I want to elaborate on... Signs. I don't trust them anymore. When I met the guy that I'm seeing now I kept praying for God to give me a sign. Around the time my sister was dating a guy and she said she knew he was her husband because she always received signs. They had been together over 4 years so I thought I needed a sign too. Well as I kept praying for that sign God told me that an evil and adulterous generation seeks after I sign. I wasn't sure what that meant. I just remember thinking, "But God I'm not evil.. I'm saved!" Well weeks passed and I still had no clue what God meant by what He told me. It ended up that the guy my sister swore was her husband (remember she received signs) broke up with her. And she called to confide in me and began to just tell me about all that he was doing and how she was miserable but she was convinced that he was her husband because of the signs. She said had he not broke up with her she would have stayed in that bad situation praying for things to get better because she thought the signs came from God. I had my answer. My God and Father told me to simply rely on His voice and stop looking for a sign. When he spoke I would know.

Now I'm seeing this man and everything fits but I'm remaining prayerful. Satan (the great deceiver) can give visions and signs as well. God gives us instinct. Many times we seek the signs because our God given intuition has already told us NO and we want a different answer. Other times we simply want confirmation. Either way, signs can be very deceptive.

Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF


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## aribell (Aug 27, 2012)

@loolalooh & @MrsHaseeb  Great posts.  I agree that signs are not what we are to look for.  Seek to obey God in everything and all will be well.  

ETA:  "Well" as in God's will will be manifested in your life; but even when in His will, there can still be pain or disappointments.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Aug 27, 2012)

the devil also gives signs ...


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## auparavant (Aug 27, 2012)

Thank you for editing because that is the point I was making.  Obviously, don't choose a fool in the onset.  But if, for any reason (tragedy, loss of a job & finan. hardship, health, natural disaster, an extra-marital mistake, etc.) that your ordained spouse should leave, that would not necessarily be evidence for having chosen badly.  People change and they also respond to extreme stresses differently.  Sometimes there is mental illness that develops that can wreck a marriage.  And all these might have been "G-d ordained" marriages.

I have to give a plug for my church/parish because it is often stressed that suffering is part of this walk in a variety of ways.  We are always reminded of tragedy - death of spouse, children, remembering to pray for the impoverished or helping those experiencing natural disasters.  Tragedy and sadness are all around the catholic - not that others do not also have this conscience because they do.  But I am well-aware of the t.v. evangelism of name-it/claim-it out there that has also crossed over into marriage arena (you, too can get your perfect fairytale everlasting marriage...when in reality, marriages that last do so due to commitment, not lovey-dovey perfect spouses).    When we ask of G-d for bread, we don't expect nor want a rock.  But sometimes, there might be a little sand somewhere down the road whether it be for job, marriage, education etc.

People often have unrealistic expectations of sacramental marital union and of life itself.  We need to see the biggest picture and that is a comprehensive one - good and bad, all within living the best for Christ.  Like a box of chocolates even if stamped for Jesus.


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## MuseofTroy (Aug 27, 2012)

These stories are tragic but let's keep it real. Many people don't hear from god and allow their emotions and lust to lead them. Marriage is more than just good feelings and level of attraction. Many women fail to properly vet the man they wish to join their lives with. A sign that a man is lead by god is manifested in their life. A man is supposed to protect and provide. If he doesn't have a job or history of stability then he is not qualified. Also women need to pay attention to how a man acts under stress and treats other people. That is a huge indicator of how he will treat you in a relationship. If a man's words are not backed up by his actions then leave him alone. Get your mind right and stop making decisions out of desperation and lack. If you aren't happy as a single person then you will not be happy in marriage. The enemy will use your loneliness to bring the wrong person into your life so stay vigilant.


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## FrazzledFraggle (Aug 27, 2012)

I'm a christian and when I married my first husband, I felt God warned me that it wasn't the right thing to do but I let my family talk me into believing I just had cold feet. Like some of you, I felt that we did everything right. On paper he seemed like the perfect man. On paper, he still does. We have a son together and we are still cordial but he's departed from the faith and moved to the other side of the world. I'm sure that was exactly what God was trying to prevent for me. I've learned to listen intently for that "still small voice" before making major decisions. Sometimes the entire "pray and wait for an answer" process still stumps me though.


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## MrsHaseeb (Aug 27, 2012)

MuseofTroy said:
			
		

> These stories are tragic but let's keep it real. Many people don't hear from god and allow their emotions and lust to lead them. Marriage is more than just good feelings and level of attraction. Many women fail to properly vet the man they wish to join their lives with. A sign that a man is lead by god is manifested in their life. A man is supposed to protect and provide. If he doesn't have a job or history of stability then he is not qualified. Also women need to pay attention to how a man acts under stress and treats other people. That is a huge indicator of how he will treat you in a relationship. If a man's words are not backed up by his actions then leave him alone. Get your mind right and stop making decisions out of desperation and lack. If you aren't happy as a single person then you will not be happy in marriage. The enemy will use your loneliness to bring the wrong person into your life so stay vigilant.



TELL THE TRUTH!!! I have been here so I know first hand. The job part is so so so true. I don't want to have to mold and shape a man and many times we go in thinking we can make them better but they are the men. They are the ones who are supposed to lead so what does that say if we feel like we need to mold them to make them into what we want them to be? That's a red flag that he is not letting God be Lord in his life. A husband is suppose to cultivate and be the "house band". If he doesn't already have himself together and isn't letting God lead him he still has some growing to do and I can't help him! I learned that the hard way.

Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF


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## MuseofTroy (Aug 27, 2012)

MrsHaseeb said:


> You posted an interesting point that I want to elaborate on... Signs. I don't trust them anymore. When I met the guy that I'm seeing now I kept praying for God to give me a sign. Around the time my sister was dating a guy and she said she knew he was her husband because she always received signs. They had been together over 4 years so I thought I needed a sign too. Well as I kept praying for that sign God told me that an evil and adulterous generation seeks after I sign. I wasn't sure what that meant. I just remember thinking, "But God I'm not evil.. I'm saved!" Well weeks passed and I still had no clue what God meant by what He told me. It ended up that the guy my sister swore was her husband (remember she received signs) broke up with her. And she called to confide in me and began to just tell me about all that he was doing and how she was miserable but she was convinced that he was her husband because of the signs. She said had he not broke up with her she would have stayed in that bad situation praying for things to get better because she thought the signs came from God. I had my answer. My God and Father told me to simply rely on His voice and stop looking for a sign. When he spoke I would know.
> 
> Now I'm seeing this man and everything fits but I'm remaining prayerful. Satan (the great deceiver) can give visions and signs as well. God gives us instinct. Many times we seek the signs because our God given intuition has already told us NO and we want a different answer. Other times we simply want confirmation. Either way, signs can be very deceptive.
> 
> Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF


 
Church! People are so busy chasing after "signs" that they miss the voice of God trying to direct you. The devil can easily send signs as well which will deceive and destroy.


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## MuseofTroy (Aug 27, 2012)

nicola.kirwan said:


> @loolalooh & @MrsHaseeb Great posts. I agree that signs are not what we are to look for. Seek to obey God in everything and all will be well.
> 
> ETA: "Well" as in God's will will be manifested in your life; but even when in His will, there can still be pain or disappointments.


 
Hmm I agree and disagree with this statement. Some people's pain and disappointment are natural consequences to their behavior and acting without God's consent. I truly believe that 95% of the time people are rarely surprised when their marriage fails because they know deep they were operating outside of God's will for their life. They looked on the outside instead of the inside and chosen their mate based on eternal or internal pressures to settle down. What annoys me about some Christians is that they think every trial and tribulation is a test by God when in reality it might just be the law of reaping and sowing in effect.  Sadly many Christians aren't even at the point where God can spiritual test them because they are still on milk. They think natural consequences is God testing them when in reality it's their own mess coming back to haunt them.  God isn't messy and will not give his beloved daughter or son garbage as a mate. When we sin, fail to repent, and operate our lives outside of God’s will, we are vulnerable to attacks from the enemy. 

Do marriages of challenges? Of course but some of the nonsense I've heard Christian women deal with is downright dysfunctional and has nothing to do with God. That's delusional thinking.  What’s so wonderful about our Lord and Savior is that despite of our mistakes he covers us and has mercy. He can make our mistakes right again. He can give restoration to a marriage, save a non-believer, and even reunite husbands and wives.


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## Aviah (Aug 27, 2012)

Very interesting responses. Its just tough to know who (other than out of their own admission) heard God and who didn't. I guess prayer (and even fasting) are key for this kind of thing, and once you got His word, for both of you to stay submitted to him and committed to one another.


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## MuseofTroy (Aug 27, 2012)

Aviah said:


> Very interesting responses. Its just tough to know who (other than out of their own admission) heard God and who didn't. I guess prayer (and even fasting) are key for this kind of thing, and once you got His word, for both of you to stay submitted to him and committed to one another.


 
Very true and many times God wants you to use your brain that he gave you. Sometimes the answers are right in your face. If the man never held down a job, is still getting supported financially by his parents, just got out of jail, has children he doesn't take care of etc., those are just obvious red flags that anyone with good sense would avoid bringing into their relationship. AT least let the man have BASICS down. Move on if a man is lacking the basics! He isn't ready to be a husband. If a man can’t even hear God for his own life, how in the world can he lead a family? As my pastor likes to say some folks are plagued with the spirit of dumb. 

The bottom line is that some men aren't qualified to be anyone's husband. As much as the church emphasizes that a woman needs to be ready for her husband, well a man needs to be ready for a wife and all the responsibilities that come with heading a household.


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## Highly Favored8 (Aug 27, 2012)

MuseofTroy excellent, excellent posts and thank you was not enough!


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## Sarophina (Aug 27, 2012)

MuseofTroy said:


> Very true and many times God wants you to use your brain that he gave you. Sometimes the answers are right in your face. If the man never held down a job, is still getting supported financially by his parents, just got out of jail, has children he doesn't take care of etc., those are just obvious red flags that anyone with good sense would avoid bringing into their relationship. AT least let the man have BASICS down. Move on if a man is lacking the basics! He isn't ready to be a husband. If a man can’t even hear God for his own life, how in the world can he lead a family? As my pastor likes to say some folks are plagued with the spirit of dumb.
> 
> The bottom line is that some men aren't qualified to be anyone's husband. As much as the church emphasizes that a woman needs to be ready for her husband, well a man needs to be ready for a wife and all the responsibilities that come with heading a household.


Tell the truth and shame the devil!
I will quote Pastor G. Craige Lewis on this:

If they don't line up, they won't line up!

He's video on the Power of One is good on this subject


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## menina (Aug 27, 2012)

MuseofTroy said:


> Very true and many times God wants you to use your brain that he gave you. Sometimes the answers are right in your face. If the man never held down a job, is still getting supported financially by his parents, just got out of jail, has children he doesn't take care of etc., those are just obvious red flags that anyone with good sense would avoid bringing into their relationship. AT least let the man have BASICS down. Move on if a man is lacking the basics! He isn't ready to be a husband. If a man can’t even hear God for his own life, how in the world can he lead a family? As my pastor likes to say some folks are plagued with the spirit of dumb.
> 
> *The bottom line is that some men aren't qualified to be anyone's husband. As much as the church emphasizes that a woman needs to be ready for her husband, well a man needs to be ready for a wife and all the responsibilities that come with heading a household.*



preach!


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## MuseofTroy (Aug 27, 2012)

Sarophina said:


> Tell the truth and shame the devil!
> I will quote Pastor G. Craige Lewis on this:
> 
> If they don't line up, they won't line up!
> ...



I love Pastor G. Craige Lewis. I need to get the power of one dvd. I have all the other ones which are so on point! It's sad that people look for signs and wonders when it comes to a mate when they would do just as fine looking at the person's character and life.


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## sweetvi (Aug 27, 2012)

You know what......My spirit always tell me when I meet someone to Run!!!  I've always had bad dreams, red flags and just my plain common sense..but I had to learn the hard way of course.  There were times where I've prayed for God to let me know if the person is supposed to be for me and WITHOUT fail.... He delivers


Like MusofTroy said...it is our own emotions, loneliness, lust and flesh that gets us in trouble


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## Maracujá (Aug 28, 2012)

Great posts! I will never look at 'signs' the same way again.


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## LucieLoo12 (Aug 28, 2012)

I just had two close friends of mine leave the church because they received counsel that it was not good at this time to marry.My pastor did not say no, he just said wait. They need to grow more spiritually.The man felt just because he had a good job and his own home that he was ready, but it takes way more than a job and a house to qualify you for marriage. Thats where people mess up, THEY determine when they ready for marriage and don't let God tell them when they are ready. The bible says he increases you and adds no sorrow to it. When God gives you something you will not have to go out of the will of God to keep it. The bible says every gift from God is PERFECT. But alot of times flesh don't want to wait, it wants things when it wants it. Thats why we must die to our will and surrender to the will of God. For the people that may have ended up in wrong marriages, God always sends warnings. He will not let his people go astray unknowingly. Thats why we have to desire God more than anything, for where your heart is that is what you will treasure.


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## FlyyBohemian (Aug 28, 2012)

LucieLoo12 said:
			
		

> I just had two close friends of mine leave the church because they received counsel that it was not good at this time to marry.My pastor did not say no, he just said wait. They need to grow more spiritually.The man felt just because he had a good job and his own home that he was ready, but it takes way more than a job and a house to qualify you for marriage. Thats where people mess up, THEY determine when they ready for marriage and don't let God tell them when they are ready. The bible says he increases you and adds no sorrow to it. When God gives you something you will not have to go out of the will of God to keep it. The bible says every gift from God is PERFECT. But alot of times flesh don't want to wait, it wants things when it wants it. Thats why we must die to our will and surrender to the will of God. For the people that may have ended up in wrong marriages, God always sends warnings. He will not let his people go astray unknowingly. Thats why we have to desire God more than anything, for where your heart is that is what you will treasure.



I believe the best marriages are when both are spiritually mature and some people may not make good wives or husbands yet, however no one walking is a perfect individual. According to the word of God the qualifications for marriage are pretty simple, meaning that we must be in the Lord. Also it says it is better to get married than to burn. If you know you are living a celibate life, and feel that the road will be to hard to keep then it's best to get married. The reason why you have so many burning singles is because an act that was reserved for marriage is no longer held within those boundaries. I personally don't feel the guy should not get married due to "spiritual growth" unless there are other issues like him being abusive, unfaithful, a negligent father or any signs that he won't treat his wife well.


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## LucieLoo12 (Aug 28, 2012)

The bible says marry whom you will in the Lord but many take this as marry whom you will in the church. Just because someone is in church does not mean they are in God.That's why so many women get tricked because they are caught up because the brother sit on the first row, he carry a bible and have a holy dance. But what is the brother's dedication to God? Look at the fruit. Is he subject to his leader? Is he subject to the Lord? When you are in the "Lord" it will cause you to mature over time. And I am not saying my spouse would have to "perfect" per say to enter into marriage, but if he is selfish, childish, can't take correction, confrontational, sensual (meaning being led by his feelings and not the word of God) he is not ready to be married. Spiritual growth has ALOT to do with it. You want someone who is mature. Even in the world women dont want a childish man, so how much more in God? 

If someone does marry because they can't wait and are "burning"..that dont solve anything either. Yea you can now have sex without it being sin but you have a whoolleeee other set of issues to deal with now. And marriage dont cure lust..I know married people that still lust. So if someone marry because they can't contain themselves, the spirit of lust is still not broken. We must be delievered. And yes the scripture does say it is better to marry than burn. But I'm sorry, that's not the testimony I want. "We got married because we really want to have sex".  No thanks. I want to say I got married because He was a man of God and God made us both complete before we met each other and when we came together, we did not make each other, but we only added to each other.

Now concerning my friend, this would have been a big sign that he was not ready to be married. So the pastor told him he needed to wait a little and he gets mad and leaves? He didn't tell him no.Is that maturity? What is he gone do when his wife makes him upset? He gone leave then too. I want a husband that can take advice and correction and not be quick to react based on what he feels but I need a husband that will lead me according to the word of God.

See people dont know what a husband is really for. He is your spiritual LEADER. He is suppose to lead you. So yes maturity and growth is a BIIGGG deal. This man is going to lead your household, you and your kids. A husband is just not for sex and fixing things around the house, he is your head, your covering.




FlyyBohemian said:


> I believe the best marriages are when both are spiritually mature and some people may not make good wives or husbands yet, however no one walking is a perfect individual. According the word of God the qualifications for marriage are pretty simple, meaning that we must be in the Lord. Also it says it is better to get married than to burn. If you know you are living a celibate life, and feel that the road will be to hard to keep then it's best to get married. The reason why you have so many burning singles is because an act that was reserved for marriage is no longer held within those boundaries. I personally don't feel the guy should not get married due to "spiritual growth" unless there are other issues like him being abusive, unfaithful, a negligent father or any signs that he won't treat his wife well.


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## Highly Favored8 (Aug 28, 2012)

LucieLoo12--PREACH!!!!


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## FrazzledFraggle (Aug 28, 2012)

letskeepntouch said:


> I'm a christian and when I married my first husband, I felt God warned me that it wasn't the right thing to do but I let my family talk me into believing I just had cold feet. Like some of you, I felt that we did everything right. On paper he seemed like the perfect man. On paper, he still does. We have a son together and we are still cordial but he's departed from the faith and moved to the other side of the world. I'm sure that was exactly what God was trying to prevent for me. I've learned to listen intently for that "still small voice" before making major decisions. Sometimes the entire "pray and wait for an answer" process still stumps me though.



Just so there is no confusion we married at a very early age and I had my son about three years into our marriage. I could blame it on our immaturity but I know that it was not what God wanted for me. After lots of counseling at my church's life care center, I remarried almost 5 years ago. I really do feel like I did this with God's blessing, this time.

One thing we have to remember though is that God can turn around a marriage that you entered into as a "mistake". That doesn't mean you should set about doing it on purpose but I've seen Him restore marriages and bring two people to Christ that were lost and I've seen him restore a marriage by saving the lost spouse. This may not be typical but it is discussed in 1 Corinthians 7. I say that because if there's someone out there struggling with a divorce, there is still hope. The goal is always restoration and reconciliation although sometimes things are beyond our control and they don't end up that way.


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## LucieLoo12 (Aug 29, 2012)

@letskeepintouch

You have made some very good points sis! 

The bible says EVERYTHING works together for the good of those that love the Lord. So even a bad marriage.

but 1Cor 7 does talk about a sanctified wife can sanctify her husband. Someone christians do marrry unsaved spouses but even in that it's still hope. This lady at my church did, but she kept praying and being that example before him and he is a pastor now. She did have to go through allooott before it happen, but it did. So there is nothing to hard for God.God is still of God of healing and restoration.We have had couples who had divorced but once they got themselves together spiritually, they reconciled.



letskeepntouch said:


> Just so there is no confusion we married at a very early age and I had my son about three years into our marriage. I could blame it on our immaturity but I know that it was not what God wanted for me. After lots of counseling at my church's life care center, I remarried almost 5 years ago. I really do feel like I did this with God's blessing, this time.
> 
> One thing we have to remember though is that God can turn around a marriage that you entered into as a "mistake". That doesn't mean you should set about doing it on purpose but I've seen Him restore marriages and bring two people to Christ that were lost and I've seen him restore a marriage by saving the lost spouse. This may not be typical but it is discussed in 1 Corinthians 7. I say that because if there's someone out there struggling with a divorce, there is still hope. The goal is always restoration and reconciliation although sometimes things are beyond our control and they don't end up that way.


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## Aviah (Aug 29, 2012)

LucieLoo12 said:


> @letskeepintouch
> 
> You have made some very good points sis!
> 
> ...



I wish reconciliation was always the outcome


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## Aviah (Dec 1, 2012)

Bumping for any other responses...


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## Coffee (Dec 2, 2012)

I dated my husband for 3 years before we got married. A lot of women don't want to wait. I have a girl friend who met this guy and after 6 weeks they were married; the man told her he was sent by God and she believed him. They are no longer married.

I saw my husband in lots of different situations. I met his family, he met my family. I saw how he dealt with me when I was ill, how he handled my son's passing. I saw, how he treated his Mom, his ex-wife, friends, my friends. Yes, it took a long time, but when we got married, we were both sure. He told me, God told him, I was the one, but until I heard it from God, I wasn't going to get married. We have now been married almost 14 years......14 happy years .

We have to be patient, get to know the person, his family, friends, everyone in his life. Being equally yoked is very important. Be obedient to God always....listen always.


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## Maracujá (Dec 3, 2012)

Coffee said:


> I dated my husband for 3 years before we got married. A lot of women don't want to wait. I have a girl friend who met this guy and after 6 weeks they were married; the man told her he was sent by God and she believed him. They are no longer married.
> 
> *I saw my husband in lots of different situations. I met his family, he met my family. *I saw how he dealt with me when I was ill, how he handled my son's passing. I saw, how he treated his Mom, his ex-wife, friends, my friends. Yes, it took a long time, but when we got married, we were both sure. He told me, God told him, I was the one, but until I heard it from God, I wasn't going to get married. We have now been married almost 14 years......14 happy years .
> 
> We have to be patient, get to know the person, his family, friends, everyone in his life. Being equally yoked is very important. Be obedient to God always....listen always.



I now refer to this as 'social dating', which is the only form of dating I subscribe to now. It makes so much sense to me now, I even talked about it with my sister yesterday. I used to have this 'us against the world' mentality and it certainly didn't serve me, _au countraire_ I've learned my lesson. (sorry about this being slightly OT).


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## auparavant (Dec 3, 2012)

Aviah said:


> Then gotten divorced?
> Its a serious question.
> 
> What do you think happened?
> Do you blame God in a way, or just think it was human error?




People think that G-d only ordains perfection...He does not.  He works tirelessly with broken beings called humans and sometimes, there is no storybook ending within His plan.   That is a concept that is difficult for most christians.  People have free will.   He has not promised anybody on earth a perfect marriage nor perfect health and finances etc.  But He certainly knows who will come together for whichever reason and esp. to create new people.

Whether you stick it out or not, sometimes things happen and people change.  That is life.  For those who remain in situations that have developed that are not stellar, they are certainly dealing with a difficult situation.  That's not to say that you are doomed to destruction.  No.  But there are no perfect people and in the best of marriages, there exists some strife at times.


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## Miss Kane (Dec 3, 2012)

I guess most would say that my husband and I are unequally yoked. He was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and I was raised in the church. I do believe that God brought us together. I pray for my husband's salvation continually. I can see God doing some major things in his life. Most would not believe it, but we are very happily married. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.


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## MrsHaseeb (Dec 3, 2012)

Miss Kane said:


> I guess most would say that my husband and I are unequally yoked. He was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and I was raised in the church. I do believe that God brought us together. I pray for my husband's salvation continually. I can see God doing some major things in his life. Most would not believe it, but we are very happily married. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.



Miss Kane I totally understand you. My FH is Catholic. Now that's not meant to be offensive to anyone who is Catholic. I just felt that our belief systems would make us incompatible but he is a good man, extremely gentle and supportive and I'm glad I stuck around. He is nothing like I thought he'd be. I also believe that God put this man in my life unlike the first time when I knew better from day one. Your husband will drawn to Jesus through your faithfulness.

Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF


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## LovelyNaps26 (Dec 3, 2012)

if you are in a relationship for a significant period of time, a fairly easy 'red flag' that is often raised is him trying to pressure you to have pre-marital sex. pressuring me to have sex means two things 1) he has a thin understanding of the Word or just doesn't value the teaching on that issue  2) he may very likely have his desires satisfied elsewhere since i won't comply. 

I mention sex because it is something that a straight man will be interested and if he isn't strong in faith he will try to see how far he can get with you. sure, you two may cross a boundary, which is bad but that's a mutually shared issue and one that you will need to repent of.  i'm talking about him cajoling and prodding you to take your clothes off  by month 6 of holding hands and pecks on the cheek a scoundrel will make himself known. trust.   its clear that we aren't equally yoked.

as for the OP. i'm not married but every real life story I've heard from older women included warning signs.


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## MonPetite (Dec 3, 2012)

..........................................


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## FlyyBohemian (Dec 5, 2012)

LovelyNaps26 said:


> if you are in a relationship for a significant period of time, a fairly easy 'red flag' that is often raised is him trying to pressure you to have pre-marital sex. pressuring me to have sex means two things 1) he has a thin understanding of the Word or just doesn't value the teaching on that issue  2) he may very likely have his desires satisfied elsewhere since i won't comply.
> 
> I mention sex because it is something that a straight man will be interested and if he isn't strong in faith he will try to see how far he can get with you. sure, you two may cross a boundary, which is bad but that's a mutually shared issue and one that you will need to repent of.  i'm talking about him cajoling and prodding you to take your clothes off  by month 6 of holding hands and pecks on the cheek a scoundrel will make himself known. trust.   its clear that we aren't equally yoked.
> 
> as for the OP. i'm not married but every real life story I've heard from older women included warning signs.



Hmm...6 months... Talk about 1 week!


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## Aviah (Jan 21, 2013)

bumping... LittleGoldenLamb why did you delete your post?


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## MonPetite (Jan 23, 2013)

Aviah

I removed posts that could be problematic for work. I work in news/media.


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## naturalgyrl5199 (Jan 24, 2013)

I dated my husband 6 years before we married. I was 18 he was 19 and we were college students when we met. Had we married sooner, we would be divorced by now. We had to break up, get closer to God, lean only on him. I broke up with him about 5 years into dating because God was leading me towards it, and DH was getting on my nerves. I was maturing seemingly faster. It was fortunately never a cheating or abuse issue, just control and growing pains, and emotions. But I obeyed. Looking back I think God was telling me to lean on HIM for my desire to be loved and cherished...Not on a man. And I told my BF (now DH) that. He didn't understand then. I don't know but I wanted to share that. He shaped up, and got his self together. And proposed a year later. We got married 9 mos after that.

Anyhoo. Ladies ignore outside influence for better (Oh child he's a GOOD man, keep him) or worse (uh uh girl keep away from him)...My friends and family did the second one. He was just a regular dude. Loved me, cared for me, spoiled me with expensive gifts, but had a little attitude! I prayed on it and God showed me otherwise....But I was confused because he didn't show me marriage. Anyways, ultimately we BOTH matured....I listened and leaned on God, and challenged my BF before he proposed to be a better man. And he stepped on up. Now the same family members and friends see the man God was trying to show me. Marriage was the surprise. A GOOD marriage was the bonus. Its not perfect but its God-led!

ETA: As for the first (Girl he's a Good man), God will show you his heart. While we were having our little fights, I asked God to show me my man's true colors...and I saw it. I saw his heart. And I knew he was worth keeping. In due time a good or bad man's heart will eventually show. Then the decision gets easier.


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## Maracujá (Aug 21, 2013)

Thought this sermon would be fitting for what we discussed here: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R20mCvTT8Wc&list=FLCGCiWdoub0g88w2Q7C_0eQ


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