# Should A Pastor’s Wife Be Part Of The Same Church?



## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 23, 2014)

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*Email:* I am a pastor’s wife for 2 years, and I have lots of questions. One is should a pastor’s wife be a member of the church her husband is pastoring?




*Thoughts Anyone?*


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 23, 2014)

If she doesn't I'd say that would be very telling about what kind of relationship they have


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## Shimmie (Jul 23, 2014)

You're right Healthy Hair, it would be very telling.  

That's almost like asking, should a man and wife live together or sleep in the same bed, or in the same room?  

Marriage is not a separate union.   God says that the husband and wife are 'ONE', _that the two are no more  twain, but "One_".  

Ministry and Marriage are one and the same.  God's Word refers to the Church as the Bride of Christ... the unity of 'One'.    For a Pastor's wife to not be a member of her husband's Church ... they are not worshiping as 'One' in their marriage. 

I hope I explained this without anyone thinking....


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## bklynbornNbred (Jul 23, 2014)

There are always exceptions - the judgement should come from the details. 

If she met him and they went through the courting with her being a member of a different church then they should have discussed this before marriage. 

However I know a number of married couples that met while studying at seminary. They have been called to different churches but are supportive of each others work. I have one friend specifically that I knew who he was dating (courting) and how serious it was long before the general church attending "public" did. When they announced their engagement and marriage to their respective congregations the minions lost their ever loving minds. Clearly she didn't write this letter but I still hear rumblings from others that don't know them only "of" them. Those of us that know them individually and as a couple know how genuine their bond is but that doesn't seem to stop others from trying to start trouble. Its sad actually.


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## Goombay_Summer (Jul 23, 2014)

Her husband imho is first the leader, secondly a lover, and the thirdly the most important role is that of the family priest. A husband as the priest of his home should be in charge of the spiritual life and spiritual uplifting for all the residents of said abode. Yet his own wife could not be bothered to join his congregation that in itself would be a major red flag. I don’t know if I explained it in a way that made sense.


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## Shimmie (Jul 23, 2014)

Healthy Hair, who's in the picture?  I love the red attire.


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## FreeIndeed (Jul 23, 2014)

I agree with bklynbornBbred that it depends on the details. 

Back when I first came to Christ, I remember being at a Sunday gathering, and the wife of the founder stood up during testimony time and announced that she would not be attending there anymore. In her words, she said that she "couldn't do it anymore" and there was sadness in her eyes. Without knowing the details behind her decision, I'm sure that some judged her unrighteously based on assumptions. But after I personally witnessed and experienced certain ungodly things that were being taught and done by her husband (with the cooperation of leaders who assisted him), I understood why she "couldn't do it anymore" and left. The founder of this organization played the victim and portrayed himself as a persecuted martyr, and slandered his wife to the congregation. I actually ran into one of his relatives in Walmart, and they expressed that they were very displeased with his behavior. I too believe that the Lord was not pleased either, because He ended up dismantling that organization until they only had 2 members. The founder and his assistant tried to relocate in another state and start over, but it didn't flourish there either. Situations like this show why Jesus said do not judge based on the appearance of things, but to make a righteous judgment. Without knowing the facts, we just don't know. . .


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 23, 2014)

Shimmie said:


> Healthy Hair, who's in the picture? I love the red attire.


 

just a model, it is nice but just a wee bit too blinged out for me


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## felic1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Hello Ladies! I glanced at the thread topic in disbelief. A Christian woman married to a pastor is supposed to recognize and pay respect to him as head of the family. Submission is not a bad word. If both are called to ministry they should be able to work out of the same ministry. I do see Mr. Bishop and Mrs. Pastor or co-pastor. A woman refusing to attend the church her husband is pastoring is not in the will of God. Many women get married attending let's say Greater Macedonia International Ministries. The woman meets and marries a man from Worldwide Blessing Church. I think the woman should follow her husband and join his church, Worldwide Blessing Church. In this way, the women are not approaching him believing him to be single or in the middle of a divorce. Attire for the church can be adapted to for sunday service. This gives the wife leave to enjoy bible study over at Greater Macedonia Intl. This sounds like a workable arrangement. The bible says foolish women pull down their houses with their own hands. If the woman does not like the church, she should join and pray him out of the church. This does not apply to a pastor's wife. If a preachers wife is enjoying the word and shouting the walls down, this is a preacher to listen to. He can bless the socks off of his own wife. It is disrespectful not to join your husband who is pastoring. Comments?


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 23, 2014)

that's a thought I had too, about other women zooming in on the no show wifeless Pastor, (some women don't care if the wife is there or not). 



felic1 said:


> Hello Ladies! I glanced at the thread topic in disbelief. A Christian woman married to a pastor is supposed to recognize and pay respect to him as head of the family. Submission is not a bad word. If both are called to ministry they should be able to work out of the same ministry. I do see Mr. Bishop and Mrs. Pastor or co-pastor. A woman refusing to attend the church her husband is pastoring is not in the will of God. Many women get married attending let's say Greater Macedonia International Ministries. The woman meets and marries a man from Worldwide Blessing Church. I think the woman should follow her husband and join his church, Worldwide Blessing Church.* In this way, the women are not approaching him believing him to be single or in the middle of a divorce.* Attire for the church can be adapted to for sunday service. This gives the wife leave to enjoy bible study over at Greater Macedonia Intl. This sounds like a workable arrangement. The bible says foolish women pull down their houses with their own hands. If the woman does not like the church, she should join and pray him out of the church. This does not apply to a pastor's wife. If a preachers wife is enjoying the word and shouting the walls down, this is a preacher to listen to. He can bless the socks off of his own wife. It is disrespectful not to join your husband who is pastoring. Comments?


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## MrsHaseeb (Jul 23, 2014)

I believe each couple needs to do what works in their marriage and work out their own salvation and we should not judge the situation based on things that aren't even written in Scripture. The idea that a wife must attend a church just because her husband is a leader there is based on  false assumptions and traditions, not Scripture. The women in the church should not be a determining factor for whether a wife attends the church where her husband is a pastor. There could be many reasons why she doesn't attend. I think most women would gladly be a part of an assembly where their husband is a pastor unless something very serious is going on. In those cases, the absence of the wife is not where the focus should be, but on the bigger picture that's causing her not to attend. For example, I never knew who the wife of the pastor was at the church where I grew up. When my mom mentioned her one day I asked who she was and my mom told me she didn't attend often because her husband, the pastor, had slept with so many women in the church she simply stopped coming.


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## LivingInPeace (Jul 23, 2014)

What if the wife is Catholic and the husband is Baptist?


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 23, 2014)

It's not uncommon, I know a couple that worship at two different churches and it's a strain on their marriage and children, she wont leave because she truly believes that God placed her in this particular church (which her husband asked her to attend with him, he eventually left) and he 'hates' the Pastor.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 23, 2014)

I'm not sure that we are 'judging', no reason was given why a wife wont attend the church her husband is leading, everyone is weighing in based on opinion and experience.


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## Shimmie (Jul 23, 2014)

felic1 said:


> Hello Ladies! I glanced at the thread topic in disbelief. A Christian woman married to a pastor is supposed to recognize and pay respect to him as head of the family. Submission is not a bad word. If both are called to ministry they should be able to work out of the same ministry. I do see Mr. Bishop and Mrs. Pastor or co-pastor. A woman refusing to attend the church her husband is pastoring is not in the will of God.
> 
> Many women get married attending let's say Greater Macedonia International Ministries. The woman meets and marries a man from Worldwide Blessing Church. I think the woman should follow her husband and join his church, Worldwide Blessing Church. In this way, the women are not approaching him believing him to be single or in the middle of a divorce. Attire for the church can be adapted to for sunday service. This gives the wife leave to enjoy bible study over at Greater Macedonia Intl. This sounds like a workable arrangement.
> 
> ...



Comments, you ask... ?   You know I got em'...  

The order of Marriage is Christ is the Head of the husband, the husband is the head of the wife.   As a wife, the husband is her covering, therefore he is also her Pastor at Church and in the home.  

Now if the husband is in sin, is preaching heresy and / or rebellious about repentance for his acts, that's another issue totally different from this topic.  In such a case, the husband has departed from God and from his wife. 

Outside of such circumstances, there's no scriptural reason for the wife of a Pastor to not worship alongside her husband in his Ministry.  She is his 'Help Meet Suitable'.   All husbands need their wives with them, beside them and before them.   Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, are among scriptures to study upon.

Something else is noteworthy: 

For a wife to not be alongside her husband is not a good representation of a family nor a marriage.   And this has nothing to do with making an unjust assumption (judgment).   As the Body of Christ, our foundation is Jesus and our family. 

To see a Pastor without his wife plants a subliminal message (a seed) that a Marriage has a 'divide'.   Also, what about the children?   What 'seed' does this plant for a Pastor's wife and children to be at one Church and not his Church where he pastors?  Are their children being told that 'Daddy' is not worthy to listen to and Daddy is not worthy to teach Jesus and that another Pastor from another Church is better than Dad?   

Our society has way too many 'excuses' for why we do what we do when we are doing something that we should not do or for not doing what we should do.   (I'm spinning with that one too ).  

Even Paul speaks of 'Liberty' that is taken out of context.

The maddness needs to halt.  And I absolutely love that one of my favorite scriptures fits in with this.   Those who know me here, know how I love what Elijah says in I Kings 18:21 ... 

"How long will you halt between two opinions?" 

How can a wife halt between two opinions?  To not attend her husband's Church and support him as a Pastor and yet choose to be 'pastored' under another...

She is indeed halting between two opinions.  She is splitting her loyalties which should only belong to the 'One' to whom she has been joined to as 'One'... her husband. 

No man (woman) can serve two masters.  He (She) will love one and hate the other.

Ephesians 5:22-33 New International Version (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

*24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.*

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word,

27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—

30 for we are members of his body.

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”* 

32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 

33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Marriage... God's Gift to Man and Wife*


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## blazingthru (Jul 23, 2014)

But what if you, the woman, now have a new understanding.  Now I have learned that there is a better way then the way we were doing things before, and I want to move forward, then what?  Me! I would be moving forward.

I was married when I converted, He and I was separated at the time, had he been here it would have been really, really hard, but we were of the same faith. Now I am practicing something he deems totally left field, who is suppose to do what. We are not pastors and that means a lot, but its still the same concept isn't it.  God is first, in-spite of it all.  If I gain a new understanding and my husband does not agree, even after I have shown him the truth in the word, I have to move on. If the church is offended, oh well, but that is my opinion.

It is my husband's now duty to research the word for himself, since I presented him a new truth. Are step down, (harsh, but true) it has been done before.


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 23, 2014)

@Shimmie I listened to a message by Voddie Baucham (sp?) the other day that has been on the forefront of my mind (hopefully I will find it I'd like to post the link) he speaks on why a woman should not lead a church (something to that effect), I know that this is slightly off topic but the reasons he gives are compelling and scriptural and I'm basing my opinion on it. 

This is my opinion; In a case where a woman will not attend her husbands (the Pastor) church should not be because they were 'called' (like a another poster mentioned) to two different churches that goes against what the bible says about the two 'becoming one' and the husband being the head and leaving and cleaving. Many will say that a church 'hired' the Pastor not his wife. I get that and ...saving my place to add I've got to go.


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## Shimmie (Jul 23, 2014)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> @Shimmie I listened to a message by Voddie Baucham (sp?) the other day that has been on the forefront of my mind (hopefully I will find it I'd like to post the link) he speaks on why a woman should not lead a church (something to that effect), I know that this is slightly off topic but the reasons he gives are compelling and scriptural and I'm basing my opinion on it.
> 
> *This is my opinion; In a case where a woman will not attend her husbands (the Pastor) church should not be because they were 'called' (like a another poster mentioned) to two different churches that goes against what the bible says about the two 'becoming one' and the husband being the head and leaving and cleaving. *
> 
> Many will say that a church 'hired' the Pastor not his wife. I get that and ...saving my place to add I've got to go.


 


Amen, to the bolded.   See you when you return.    

I will say this in the meantime:  

God is not legalistic in the sense of barking rules and regulations and expecting us to follow Him as robots.   He is simply trying to help us avoid the consequences of the actions and decisions that we make against what He advises us not to do.     Everything has a consequence and separate worship between a husband and a wife has a consequence...it steals the bonding of being 'One'.   

Prayer is intimacy between God and between the hearts, spirits and souls of a man and woman who pray together.   If the wife is not present there to pray with her husband during a service, there will be another woman to do so.  Who better than the wife to be there to hinder and to put that fire out before the sparks get started.


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## felic1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Shimmie said:


> Amen, to the bolded.   See you when you return.
> 
> I will say this in the meantime:
> 
> ...




How can two walk together unless they be agreed? The basketball players thread mentions religious differences. He sounds like a wonderful christian. Upthread, can your husband be convinced by your submissive behavior
Can you remain with him on sunday and worship elsewhere through the week? Where does the word indicate that you can move on? What is going on at that church that makes you feel like you can't take anymore? Just asking.


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## felic1 (Jul 23, 2014)

blazingthru said:


> But what if you, the woman, now have a new understanding.  Now I have learned that there is a better way then the way we were doing things before, and I want to move forward, then what?  Me! I would be moving forward.
> 
> I was married when I converted, He and I was separated at the time, had he been here it would have been really, really hard, but we were of the same faith. Now I am practicing something he deems totally left field, who is suppose to do what. We are not pastors and that means a lot, but its still the same concept isn't it.  God is first, in-spite of it all.  If I gain a new understanding and my husband does not agree, even after I have shown him the truth in the word, I have to move on. If the church is offended, oh well, but that is my opinion.
> 
> It is my husband's now duty to research the word for himself, since I presented him a new truth. Are step down, (harsh, but true) it has been done before.



blazingthru.  I do not understand what you mean to move on. I did not realize that you were the poster. I am responding to this for the sake of other readers. You present a new truth to the man. He needs to research the word and obtain the revelation. The bible does not say you can move on. I am a very obstinate person. I do not obey easily.smh. the bible says who knows whether or not you will save your husband. Although a woman may minister the word to people, the bible does not say for the wife to leave the head. I am not blessing out my sister blazing. Blaz is experiencing a divorce. Now it would be difficult.impossible. for me to become a snake handler.JW. I think these two have departed from the faith. joyce meyer has a large ministry. She is the mouthpiece. Both of their names appear when describing their outreach. Dave coordinates, directs others and protects and supports joyce. He is like her manager and under the gift of helps. If the man is having an affair with a woman at the church, I would have trouble watching that.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

felic1 said:


> How can two walk together unless they be agreed? *The basketball players thread mentions religious differences*. He sounds like a wonderful christian. Upthread, can your husband be convinced by your submissive behavior
> Can you remain with him on sunday and worship elsewhere through the week? Where does the word indicate that you can move on? What is going on at that church that makes you feel like you can't take anymore? Just asking.


 
Good Morning felic1... it's early and I haven't had my first cup of coffee yet     I truly apologize for not understanding your post.   

I'm at my laptop now so I can easily re-read what I've been posting in this thread since yesterday.   Again, I apologize for not making the connection.   It's the *basketball players thread* that has me .   

Once I have my coffee I should be able to make the connection.  

Wishing you and everyone a beautiful morning.


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## felic1 (Jul 24, 2014)

Hi Shimmie! I was using my phone and I had some difficulty opening the reply. I did not really try to direct the post to you. It was the only way I could send it. Yesterday the board had a thread about a NBA player and a WNBA player who had become engaged. The engagement was broken according to a statement from the lady that religious differences were the reason to call off the marriage. The man sounds like a wonderful christian. He is very involved with his church and pastor. I am not sure what is going on with the lady. Sometimes we can get involved with nice people who are not saved. The bible says " how can two walk together unless they be agreed?". He may have know from the beginning that she was not like him. I am not sure of the title of the thread.


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## felic1 (Jul 24, 2014)

Shimmie   The thread is listed as Kevin Durant and Monica Wright split because of religious differences


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

Wow at these responses. What if the woman and man are both Christians and of different denominations? What if she grew up in her church and has community, ministry, and family ties there?  This is why folks always get turned off of church folk; they judge too much and don't even know the details and are too one-track minded. It's sad, actually.


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

blazingthru said:


> But what if you, the woman, now have a new understanding.  Now I have learned that there is a better way then the way we were doing things before, and I want to move forward, then what?  Me! I would be moving forward.
> 
> I was married when I converted, He and I was separated at the time, had he been here it would have been really, really hard, but we were of the same faith. Now I am practicing something he deems totally left field, who is suppose to do what. We are not pastors and that means a lot, but its still the same concept isn't it.  God is first, in-spite of it all.  If I gain a new understanding and my husband does not agree, even after I have shown him the truth in the word, I have to move on. If the church is offended, oh well, but that is my opinion.
> 
> It is my husband's now duty to research the word for himself, since I presented him a new truth. Are step down, (harsh, but true) it has been done before.



the lack of autonomy that women are implied to have is startling to me. I think people take the submit thing way toooo far.


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

Shimmie said:


> Amen, to the bolded.   See you when you return.
> 
> I will say this in the meantime:
> 
> ...


I think this is a weak argument.  If they are married, they live together in the same home and should be praying together daily.  If he's going to have an affair because she can't pray with him for one prayer out of ten for the week, that is a character issue. He also can pray with elders or other men/youth in the church.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

felic1 said:


> Shimmie   The thread is listed as Kevin Durant and Monica Wright split because of religious differences





felic1 said:


> Hi Shimmie! I was using my phone and I had some difficulty opening the reply.
> 
> Yesterday the board had a thread about a NBA player and a WNBA player who had become engaged. The engagement was broken according to a statement from the lady that religious differences were the reason to call off the marriage.
> 
> ...



felic1, I do the very same when viewing and posting from my phone as well.  

Thank you and I mean this, 'Thank You' for taking the time to share this with me.  I'm only on my first cup of coffee and headed for a 2nd before noon.  

Have a wonderful morning.  Look out... there's a open door of blessings that God is propelling you into.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

Kurlee said:


> I think this is a weak argument.  If they are married, they live together in the same home and should be praying together daily.  If he's going to have an affair because she can't pray with him for one prayer out of ten for the week, that is a character issue. He also can pray with elders or other men/youth in the church.



The Word of God is clear about Marriage and the Husband and Wife becoming 'One'.   And that the wife is to respect her husband in 'ALL" things.  To not be there for her husband is disrespectful for she is placing another over her husband, which should not be so.  

When the Bible says to 'forsake not the assembly of ourselves', this applies even more towards a husband and wife.   In Marriage, God says, 'forsaking all others', allowing no man to put asunder.  

Church worship is a holy bond.  A man needs to have his wife beside him in Church (as well as at home); there should never be a 'divide'.   There are no surrogates for his wife in Church Worship (i.e. elders, deacons, bishops, etc.).  It should be her beside him as God called them to be 'One'.


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## momi (Jul 24, 2014)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> Email: I am a pastor’s wife for 2 years, and I have lots of questions. One is should a pastor’s wife be a member of the church her husband is pastoring? http://www.joy105.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/pastors-wife.jpg  Thoughts Anyone?



I guess there isn't any law that says she should but it would definitely be a red flag of deeper issues. If a man cannot manage his own household well how can he be fit to manage The Lord's house?


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## momi (Jul 24, 2014)

Kurlee said:


> Wow at these responses. What if the woman and man are both Christians and of different denominations? What if she grew up in her church and has community, ministry, and family ties there?  This is why folks always get turned off of church folk; they judge too much and don't even know the details and are too one-track minded. It's sad, actually.



What's sad about it? This is a discussion - one that has including reasoning according to scripture. 

I think it is a great discussion.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

momi said:


> What's sad about it? This is a discussion - one that has including reasoning according to scripture.
> 
> I think it is a great discussion.





momi said:


> I guess there isn't any law that says she should but it would definitely be a red flag of deeper issues. If a man cannot manage his own household well how can he be fit to manage The Lord's house?



  Heyyyyy Pastor momi.


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

Shimmie said:


> The Word of God is clear about Marriage and the Husband and Wife becoming 'One'.   And that the wife is to respect her husband in 'ALL" things.  To not be there for her husband is disrespectful for she is placing another over her husband, which should not be so.
> 
> When the Bible says to 'forsake not the assembly of ourselves', this applies even more towards a husband and wife.   In Marriage, God says, 'forsaking all others', allowing no man to put asunder.
> 
> Church worship is a holy bond.  A man needs to have his wife beside him in Church (as well as at home); there should never be a 'divide'.   There are no surrogates for his wife in Church Worship (i.e. elders, deacons, bishops, etc.).  It should be her beside him as God called them to be 'One'.


so does it work both ways or no? And forsake not the assembly of ourselves is definitely a key verse, but context is everything.

We have to be careful not to interpret the bible to mean what we want it to say rather than what it actually says. It is a tradition that pastor's wives are up under their husbands are are mini-pastorettes, but that doesn't and shouldn't always be the case.  The pressure to live up to that ideal really puts a lot of otherwise solid relationships under too much pressure and makes them crumble with all the judging and projection.  Women are still individuals with thoughts, emotions, trajectories, and with a specific path.  

Of course the assembling of one another is important for spiritual growth, development, and sustenance, but we have to be realistic in our application of this verse. Men are the head, but the lord also commanded the man to love his wife as he loves the church. That includes working together and being considerate of each other's (including HER) needs, not just blindly following because he is the man.  There are different leadership styles and good leaders recognize the strengths and weakness of their team members and delegate and compromise accordingly.  

Verse 25 tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves, but verse 24 tells us "let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works".  It's not a one way thing.  We have to encourage and support each other and sometimes that means divergent paths that still lead us to Christ. There may be lessons that she needs to learn or people she is meant to influence that are outside of her husband's church and that's ok.  We all have different gifts and talents and being one under marriage doesn't mean that the woman's talents, gifts, and spiritual path are subsumed by her husband's. 

If a Baptist male minister meets a woman that is everything that he feels God has set out for him, should he pass her up because she might be Pentecostal and ministers elsewhere? What if her ministry is in health, education, or in prisons and she actively ministers there and does not attend church with him every week, but they have an active and strong spiritual life at home and she comes when she can? The only thing that could really cause a problem there is the outside judgment/criticism and egos. Is he expected to join in her health, education, or prison ministry and abandon his ministry to follow hers, even though that is not where his talents and gifts lie? 

I think sometimes we take stuff and run with it because it makes sense and it fits tradition, but real life is so much more complex than that and while God is firm in his word, we have to be careful not to be so rigid in application that we throw out the baby with the bathwater.


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

momi said:


> What's sad about it? This is a discussion - one that has including reasoning according to scripture.
> 
> I think it is a great discussion.



It is a wonderful discussion and can remain so if we are open to perspectives outside of our own. It's sad because we forget that while we may be convicted in our interpretations, they are still interpretations and we should not condemn those who may see things a little differently.  There are hundreds of Christian denominations and while the core of all of them is the same, there are differences in interpretation and traditions, here and there. I just think we need to be respectful of that and not get in each other's way.  

I have seen far too many young people marry, get into situations, and pass up things because of "what church people thought" and they suffered for it.  Often times, the viewpoints were not biblical, but traditional and the pressure, gossip, and badgering really did more harm than good.  We need to just be careful not to get so caught up in being right and that we cause our brothers and sisters to stumble or to do without when they don't need to.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

Hi Kurlee... Nothing in your post has scriptural support.   

The question here in this thread is:  

Should a Pastor's wife be part of the same Church?  

The scriptural answer is:  "Yes"  

Why?   God has made it clear that the Husband and Wife are 'One'.  

God said regarding Adam, it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a 'Help Meet' suitable.  He put Adam to sleep, opened his side, removed a rib and closed his side thereof.  

From that, God created Adam's wife, Eve.   Eve, whom Adam said 'She is flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone...'   

_"Flesh of my Flesh ... Bone of My Bone" = 'One Flesh' (Man and Wife)_

God ordained the two as 'One'.   Together, they were created to worship God... as 'One'.   

However, Eve (though for a moment) separated herself from her husband Adam and in doing so was deceived by satan.   She listened and took heed to another voice. 

Neither the wife nor the husband, should become spiritually separated from one another.   Their call is to worship 'as One'.  It closes the gap that becomes a 'divide', the prelude to a 'fall'. 

All of the other excuses not to are from today's modern trends in society for a wife to 'break away' from becoming 'One' with her husband.   It is a deception of satan to wedge a gap in the Marriage.  

A wife attending her husband's Church where he 'Pastors' does not make her a 'Puppet', nor a 'Pastorette', neither a doormat, nor anything less.  If nothing else, she becomes more and is honored and blessed for it.   (Proverbs 31)

A husband and wife are not called to worship separately and God's Word makes this clear.  *The real danger is in those who 'select' to reject it * to enable them to feel free in doing 'their own thing'.   Worship is not a game.  It's serious beyond anyone's trendy and shallow interpretation of it.    

It's cool if you and others disagree, that's your choice, it's exercising the 'free will' that God has given you.  However the disagreement is without scriptural support.


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## blazingthru (Jul 24, 2014)

felic1 said:


> blazingthru.  I do not understand what you mean to move on. I did not realize that you were the poster. I am responding to this for the sake of other readers. You present a new truth to the man. He needs to research the word and obtain the revelation. The bible does not say you can move on. I am a very obstinate person. I do not obey easily.smh. the bible says who knows whether or not you will save your husband. Although a woman may minister the word to people, the bible does not say for the wife to leave the head. I am not blessing out my sister blazing. Blaz is experiencing a divorce. Now it would be difficult.impossible. for me to become a snake handler.JW. I think these two have departed from the faith. joyce meyer has a large ministry. She is the mouthpiece. Both of their names appear when describing their outreach. Dave coordinates, directs others and protects and supports joyce. He is like her manager and under the gift of helps. If the man is having an affair with a woman at the church, I would have trouble watching that.



What I mean to say is, I will not continue doing things when I clearly understand that it is wrong.  but I'll get back to this.


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## momi (Jul 24, 2014)

Shimmie said:


> Heyyyyy Pastor momi.



Hey Sis. Shimmie!

I'm nobody's pastor though - my husband ain't about that life! Lol


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

Shimmie said:


> Hi Kurlee... Nothing in your post has scriptural support.
> 
> The question here in this thread is:
> 
> ...



I posted from hebrews 10:24 and 25 and you did not address my argument at all. Did you even read it?


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 24, 2014)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> @Shimmie I listened to a message by Voddie Baucham (sp?) the other day that has been on the forefront of my mind (hopefully I will find it I'd like to post the link) he speaks on why a woman should not lead a church (something to that effect), I know that this is slightly off topic but the reasons he gives are compelling and scriptural and I'm basing my opinion on it.
> 
> This is my opinion; In a case where a woman will not attend her husbands (the Pastor) church should not be because they were 'called' (like a another poster mentioned) to two different churches that goes against what the bible says about the two 'becoming one' and the husband being the head and leaving and cleaving. Many will say that a church 'hired' the Pastor not his wife. I get that and ...


 
and that’s okay, but I believe a pastors biggest ministry is his family, they, particularly his wife who is also his support system, I know that the bible does not specifically say what a ‘Pastor’s’ wife roles are however, she is still a wife, Eph. 5: speaks about headship, so there is an order. 

I think that it’s a handicap to the Pastor to not have his wife there. Questions arise; how effective is this man in leadership, how does headship come into play here, if they have children who’s church will they attend, these are valid concerns. The presence and support of his wife will also set an example for marriages in the church that he pastors imo.

If there are any pastor’s wives, we welcome your opinions @Nice & Wavy you are missed.


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## momi (Jul 24, 2014)

Kurlee - in theory I would agree with you. There are too many examples where people are led by legalism and not by the Word as it is written. However in this example I don't believe this is the case. 

A wife who refuses to serve alongside her husband generally does so for a reason. Whatever that reason is I don't believe the congregation should be left to figure out what this reason is. Depending on the answer - he may or may not even be fit to lead God's people. 

Also, what type of example is the couple setting for the congregation - especially the children? To strive for a marriage of separateness with your spouse? Or one of intimacy and oneness and Earthly example of Christ's relationship with the church?


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## felic1 (Jul 24, 2014)

Hello Everyone! First of all I want to say that if I have offended anyone I wish to apologize. I actually believe that this thread is the most important one of all the threads being discussed. A wife should attend the church where the husband is the pastor. I know some ladies who were members of the family church. They married and remained as members of the church where their Dad was the pastor and are still there. Their husbands were members of another church. These ladies are related to each other and have been married for long terms. I dare say that they entered into the marriages with this understanding. They still appear together in public and appear to be happy. It might not be God's best though.

Let me share my own experience. I am not wishing to beat up on people. I married a man and was a backslider. I had a baby and then married the child's father a few month's later. He was a backslider also. This already has three red flags. I wanted to visit this church that I knew was a good one. I asked him to visit once and see if he liked it. It was a pentecostal church and he was a bit apprehensive. We went to the church and he said during this first experience that it was really nice as if he was shocked. He said Oh, we need to join this church. I was working and tired. Supposedly I was too tired to go to this fantastic church that was 35 miles for home. I missed God on that one. We had a twist for a relationship  instead of a three strand cord which is not easily broken. Someone at work that I had not even talked to about the situation walked up to me and rebuked me for this. Needless, our relationship without the Holy One included in our being One went downhill and became zero. We divorced. I am not sad about the divorce. It was 22 years ago. It is difficult to have good results without God in the equation. He was not a bad guy. Worshiping under a sincere man of God with a strong annointing could have prevented some of the problems that were experienced. I did some good in the relationship but it could have been God's best.


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## felic1 (Jul 24, 2014)

blazingthru said:


> What I mean to say is, I will not continue doing things when I clearly understand that it is wrong.  but I'll get back to this.



blazingthru  Forgive me. Maybe I misunderstood. I thought you meant move on out of the church away from him. I am truly sorry. We are not to continue in wrong doing. This is true.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:


> and that’s okay, but I believe a pastors biggest ministry is his family, they, particularly his wife who is also his support system, I know that the bible does not specifically say what a ‘Pastor’s’ wife roles are however, she is still a wife, Eph. 5: speaks about headship, so there is an order.
> 
> I think that it’s a handicap to the Pastor to not have his wife there. Questions arise; how effective is this man in leadership, how does headship come into play here, if they have children who’s church will they attend, these are valid concerns. The presence and support of his wife will also set an example for marriages in the church that he pastors imo.
> 
> If there are any pastor’s wives, we welcome your opinions @Nice & Wavy you are missed.



Nice & Wavy has been summoned...   I sent her a text.   When she has a moment, she'll send me a reply and a good 'lashng'


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

momi said:


> Hey Sis. Shimmie!
> 
> I'm nobody's pastor though - *my husband ain't about that life!* Lol



  I hear you.


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

Kurlee said:


> I posted from hebrews 10:24 and 25 and you did not address my argument at all. Did you even read it?



Hey, we're cool.   

I made the reference to this scripture in my previous post prior to yours.  

I addressed the summary of your comments as not having scriptural support for a wife to not worship along with her husband. 

As I said, 'We're cool'.


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

momi said:


> Kurlee - in theory I would agree with you. There are too many examples where people are led by legalism and not by the Word as it is written. However in this example I don't believe this is the case.
> 
> A wife who refuses to serve alongside her husband generally does so for a reason. Whatever that reason is I don't believe the congregation should be left to figure out what this reason is. Depending on the answer - he may or may not even be fit to lead God's people.
> 
> Also, what type of example is the couple setting for the congregation - especially the children? To strive for a marriage of separateness with your spouse? Or one of intimacy and oneness and Earthly example of Christ's relationship with the church?


Thank you for your polite honesty.  I think that the children raise an important and overlooked issue. However, I still take issue with the lack of context and application of these principles. It's one thing to say that something is biblical and quite another to say it's tradition and we have to be clear which one we are talking about.  Logistically, yes, it is easier to do things in the way some are proposing here, but is that biblical, tradition, or interpretation? I just think we should be clear and honest about where these views come from so people who are watching us and that we are trying to inspire don't get confused.


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## felic1 (Jul 24, 2014)

I listened to a message from Mack and Brenda Timberlake some years back. Sister Timberlake said if you cannot follow the man into a church, how will you follow him into other aspects of life. Suppose the husband's job needs him to move. Will you move with him or stay in the original town and have a long distance marriage. I do think that many people believe that women do too much compromising as it is. There has to be some compromise to make it work. Love does not always have to have its own way. 

If the man is kind and loving, doing what he asks is not hard. Sunday service is one day a week. The women refusing to compromise reminds me of womens lib. Jesus has liberated (bought) us to follow him and his word.


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

Shimmie said:


> Hey, we're cool.
> 
> I made the reference to this scripture in my previous post prior to yours.
> 
> ...



I'm coming from the perspective of watching my peers get into marriages because it had the ingredients that would please the people of the congregation, while not being personally happy or fulfilled, or watching them leave or overlook good people because the people didn't fit what the church would accept, but they were a better match and complemented each other well and could have thrived in those situations. The pressure was unreal and really put them in compromising positions.  I just think more transparency is needed so people (especially young people) can make better decisions with clarity.


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

felic1 said:


> I listened to a message from Mack and Brenda Timberlake some years back. Sister Timberlake said if you cannot follow the man into a church, how will you follow him into other aspects of life. Suppose the husband's job needs him to move. Will you move with him or stay in the original town and have a long distance marriage. I do think that many people believe that women do too much compromising as it is. There has to be some compromise to make it work. Love does not always have to have its own way.
> 
> If the man is kind and loving, doing what he asks is not hard. Sunday service is one day a week. The women refusing to compromise reminds me of womens lib. Jesus has liberated (bought) us to follow him and his word.



Refusing to and being between a rock and a hard place are two different things.


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## felic1 (Jul 24, 2014)

Kurlee said:


> Refusing to and being between a rock and a hard place are two different things.


 
Kurlee  I really did not understand what you meant. Are you referring to a womans refusing to join the church of her husband? Is being between a rock and a hard place referring to suffering in a church we do not wish to attend? Thank you


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## Kurlee (Jul 24, 2014)

felic1 said:


> Kurlee  I really did not understand what you meant. Are you referring to a womans refusing to join the church of her husband? Is being between a rock and a hard place referring to suffering in a church we do not wish to attend? Thank you



I think for some people it's a zero sum game, rather than looking at the reality of a situation.  Using words like refusing implies defiance and that is not always the case . There's a way in which people are wording things that forces the response to only have one answer.  All I'm saying is that it's not as Black and White as you all are making it. Some women (and men) pastors will have hard decisions to make and they should be able to make them with support, love, and prayer–not judgment and scrutiny.  Some people are called in different ministries and careers and when getting married need to consider how they will work that out. It's not unbiblical, imo for people to find ways to work it out if they've prayed about it and it works for them. The judgment and scrutiny only serves to work against the couple and THAT is unbiblical (John 8:7; Romans 14:13-23;1 Corinthians 8:12/13 when applied to this conversation)


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## Shimmie (Jul 24, 2014)

felic1 said:


> I listened to a message from *Mack and Brenda Timberlake *some years back. Sister Timberlake said if you cannot follow the man into a church, how will you follow him into other aspects of life. Suppose the husband's job needs him to move. Will you move with him or stay in the original town and have a long distance marriage. I do think that many people believe that women do too much compromising as it is. There has to be some compromise to make it work. Love does not always have to have its own way.
> 
> If the man is kind and loving, doing what he asks is not hard. Sunday service is one day a week. The women refusing to compromise reminds me of womens lib. Jesus has liberated (bought) us to follow him and his word.


 
O' My Goodness... felic1,  I remember them.   They were a beautiful husband and wife team in Ministry. Their ministry was Marriage and it was amazing.    They were a guest at one of our Camp Meetings, back in the 90's.    They flowed together so well, never over-talking the other.  

We were so sad when he (Pastor Mack) passed away.   He had some form of throat cancer and as he came through, Brenda stood with him upon the Altar for as long as he was able to stand there and minister.   

Thank you for mentioning them.


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## blazingthru (Jul 25, 2014)

felic1 said:


> blazingthru  Forgive me. Maybe I misunderstood. I thought you meant move on out of the church away from him. I am truly sorry. We are not to continue in wrong doing. This is true.



I mean I am not going up in there with him anymore.  He and the church are refusing to see the truth in the bible and so No I will not support the maddness any longer.  

I believe that we are one, but that doesn't mean that because I am the wife, I have no say. God didn't give the husband the brain and the wife mush, we are clear thinking woman and if I have researched and discovered that we are doing things wrong and present it to my husband and to the church and both refuse to change, Well then I will Not be going back to that Church.  My husband has to repent and go before God, because as my husband before God, he is to exam the text prayerfully and hear me out clearly. He should not move until he fully understands what the holy spirit is saying to him from the word, he also is to respect my intelligence and the fact that I heard the holy spirits pleading and heeded it.  

This is my opinion. my ex wanted to become a BLANK, everything is a secret with them. I went to his induction and whatever he wanted, but to be honest, I thought it was very strange and not a place where I felt comfortable, but I was hoping this would help him. I snuck and read a page in his book that he hid from me. I could read short hand, well back then I could. I read a page in that book, I thought it was crap and I told him so and I told him I am not interested in that program any longer. something rang evil to me, especially, its talk about woman and I only read a page, he was very upset, but I didn't support him. Which mean I had no questions. I didn't ask about the meetings and I would look at him sideways. He gave it up. Eventually, he agreed with me and I didn't know much about it.  

He as a Christian Pastor is to research what is said to him.  If he is walking with Christ he will follow Christ. I agree that husband and wife should support one another but not in evil, because once you come to the knowledge of truth and do not heed it, thats evil.


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## felic1 (Jul 25, 2014)

blazingthru.  Your husband is a pastor and is treating you this badly? He has been mean and is sho nuff overtaken in a fault. I guess we all tend to think that pastors don't get in the flesh
 Some awful demons are after these ministers. The enemy wishes to discredit ministers and destroy or hinder gods plans for the lost. The yoke is destroyed....because of the annointing. I am not casting aspersions about your husband here. It is pretty unfortunately often that we hear of these men of god being accused of lurid sex practices. These are the last days. The enemy wants to silence the cry loud and spare not message. He is a liar.


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## blazingthru (Jul 26, 2014)

felic1 said:


> blazingthru.  Your husband is a pastor and is treating you this badly? He has been mean and is sho nuff overtaken in a fault. I guess we all tend to think that pastors don't get in the flesh
> Some awful demons are after these ministers. The enemy wishes to discredit ministers and destroy or hinder gods plans for the lost. The yoke is destroyed....because of the annointing. I am not casting aspersions about your husband here. It is pretty unfortunately often that we hear of these men of god being accused of lurid sex practices. These are the last days. The enemy wants to silence the cry loud and spare not message. He is a liar.



felic1,please forgive me evidently I am not very clear when I write, Thank you for your tender guardian of my spirit.  But I am not a pastors wife, I apologize if I appear to portray myself as one.  My point was hypothetical, except for the program he was joining.  

But you made a really good point,  I was going to use Eddie Long's wife, but she is still with him, though she is being harassed and talked about terribly.  then I decided not to use no one.  i really would go above and beyond to support and stand by my husband and he should do so for me, however, not in sin.  Ultimately we will stand before God but not together, we will stand alone.   I am being judge for the knowledge I understand, as we all come to a different level of understanding. ( I am not talking about my husband here)

There is that old saying God takes you as your are, which is true, just as you are BUT, you are not to remain that way. Once you fully come to the knowledge of the truth you will become changed and if your not changing then you have not come to the knowledge of the truth.


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## felic1 (Jul 26, 2014)

blazingthru  We are supposed to change with revelation. Yes, Vanessa Long has fortitude. It is horrible to do or even be discussed in a manner in how her husband was accused. Yes, we are not to be of sin with our spouse. There is a lot that women have to deal with. Much love.


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## CoilyFields (Jul 27, 2014)

momi said:


> I guess there isn't any law that says she should but it would definitely be a red flag of deeper issues. If a man cannot manage his own household well how can he be fit to manage The Lord's house?



I agree.  

Pastoring is hard work and not having your spouse there to support you would be really hard. 

And to me it's like your husband being a writer but you not reading his books or a musician but you don't know his music.  Hes a chef but you don't eat his cooking. .. you spend your time at Barnes & Noble but he owns Borders. 

Church takes up such a large part of life as a wife I would feel totally left out. It's deeper than just a job. 

I would question the wifes confidence in her husband. Why marry someone you can't follow spiritually?  Especially if he's the pastor. 

ETA : 
For the record I don't believe it's a biblical command but is an implied expectation as shown when Paul discusses the character and behavIor of an elders wife and children having a direct effect on his being chosen to lead.

I also think spouses should attend the same church so as to be under the same teaching.


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## felic1 (Jul 29, 2014)

If a pastor comes out of his home heading for the pulpit and his wife is refusing to join him, it must really.hurt. I could see if she were bringing a message somewhere,but where is the headship?


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## Shimmie (Jul 30, 2014)

felic1 said:


> If a pastor comes out of his home heading for the pulpit and his wife is refusing to join him,* it must really.hurt. *I could see if she were bringing a message somewhere,but where is the headship?



At the bolded...very much so.   

As a child I participated in several plays, spelling bee programs, etc.  And I can remember when one day, my parents were unable to attend because of work.  

It broke my heart to be on stage and not being able to see them out there and yet the parents of other children were there.  

Family supports family, and this is especially vital for a husband to have his wife's support if he is Pastoring a Church, to be there with him and for him.    The wife is there in intercession as well as her physical presence.   

Inwardly, she is praying (interceding) as he ministers the Word of God which wards off the distractions of the enemy and allows the flow of the Holy Spirit to move through her husband as he speaks a 'Word in Season' to those who are weary.


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## mz.rae (Nov 25, 2015)

I know this thread is old, but this is very interesting as this is something I'm pondering now. I am not married but in a relationship with a guy who is now a deacon at the church. We met at church before he was a deacon and we're friends. However now I feel like my time is up at that particular church and as I mature I need something more for where I am at now in life. And frankly the last Sunday's I was at the church I was only there because he wanted me to be there so it's like one person is worshiping and the other person is thinking about being elsewhere.I know if me and him do get married it will make things different, but it's like what am I supposed to do. I have stated that if there are any special events or things he was doing I would be sure to come to show support.


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## momi (Dec 7, 2015)

@mz.rae  Yes I believe this could pose significant problems if you all were to marry. The mystery of two becoming one is a mystery but it is still true. How can you be one if you are separate in this important area of your lives? Time together as a couple is a premium - would you want that premium time split for several hours every week? Your separation would also leave both of you vulnerable to the affection of others...  What if you have children? Who would they worship with? They would have to choose mommy's or daddy's church which could leave the other parent resentful. Also, the husband "should" be the spiritual leader of his home. Your decision to branch out on your own could in a sense castrate him.


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## mz.rae (Feb 9, 2016)

momi said:


> @mz.rae  Yes I believe this could pose significant problems if you all were to marry. The mystery of two becoming one is a mystery but it is still true. How can you be one if you are separate in this important area of your lives? Time together as a couple is a premium - would you want that premium time split for several hours every week? Your separation would also leave both of you vulnerable to the affection of others...  What if you have children? Who would they worship with? They would have to choose mommy's or daddy's church which could leave the other parent resentful. Also, the husband "should" be the spiritual leader of his home. Your decision to branch out on your own could in a sense castrate him.


Thank you for your response! I am just now seeing so sorry for the late reply. Me and SO ended up joining the church I was talking about, this past Sunday. It's really interesting that after I was struggling with this and trying to figure out what to do the church he was going to and that I still belonged to ended up closing. Not celebrating the church's closure, but it feels like it happened at just the right timing.


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## kanozas (Feb 9, 2016)

What if they both came to a decision that works for their own family and it's not one that others comprehend?  Like others say, unless one is privy to all the details, it might appear to be one thing but may not be.  Outside that relationship, one might interpret that she's in rebellion and discord or something when it might not be the case.


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## Shimmie (Feb 13, 2016)

kanozas said:


> What if they both came to a decision that works for their own family and it's not one that others comprehend?  Like others say, unless one is privy to all the details, it might appear to be one thing but may not be.  Outside that relationship, one might interpret that she's in rebellion and discord or something when it might not be the case.



God has given all of us the gift of 'free will', however what may seem 'right' to us is not necessarily 'right' with God, it is not His best for us, no matter what 'our' reasoning is.  

*The question of this particular thread topic is, should a Pastor's wife be a part of the same Church?  * 

Indeed she should be; there is something tragically wrong if a Pastor's wife is not there to worship with him and support him in the ministry that God has called him to.  

A wife is a man's 'Help Meet Suitable'... period.   Meaning she is there for and with him as he ministers the Word of God.  Men need the support of their wives in the calling that God has for him and in all that they do.   And this does not minimize the wife, for if nothing else it makes her all the more vital, all the more honored, loved, cherished, respected and treasured in this man's life.   

She is 'there' for him and with him...she is right there holding him up as he follows God's call upon him, something that no other woman can nor should be doing.  How could any woman not be there for her husband?  How?   Especially when God has called them to be 'One', especially 'One' in worship, honoring God who has joined them together... to be forever 'One'. 

Unless her husband is in sin...unless he is teaching corruption...heresy and abomination to the Holiness of God...there is no reason for any wife to not worship in the same house of the Lord alongside and with her husband.


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## kanozas (Feb 14, 2016)

Shimmie said:


> God has given all of us the gift of 'free will', however what may seem 'right' to us is not necessarily 'right' with God, it is not His best for us, no matter what 'our' reasoning is.
> 
> *The question of this particular thread topic is, should a Pastor's wife be a part of the same Church?  *
> 
> ...




We don't have that problem as catholics    The married deacons who serve in several parishes in our diocese don't have wives who attend all the parishes and masses they serve but it would be difficult anyway since the next diocese is very far.  It's all local.  I get the point but I was supporting the other person who said it might look one way but might be another thing altogether for the situation presented and not necessarily for the general situation.


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## Shimmie (Feb 14, 2016)

kanozas said:


> We don't have that problem as catholics    The married deacons who serve in several parishes in our diocese don't have wives who attend all the parishes and masses they serve but it would be difficult anyway since the next diocese is very far.  It's all local.  I get the point but I was supporting the other person who said it might look one way but might be another thing altogether for the situation presented and not necessarily for the general situation.


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