# Black People have the Worst Kind of Hair...



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Ok, so I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 years. When we initially started dating, his Dominican family didn't like me, but I just chalked it up to them not wanting him to get too serious too fast (which was completely understandable).

It never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR 

I didn't used to hang around his family often because they can be very obvious in their dislike of me, but since he proposed, I felt like I needed to mend bridges, so in the past year, I started attending family functions...etc. 

Well, last night, his uncle (who IS married to a Black woman) begged me to do his Daughter's hair b/c his wife is out of town. So I get there, and my SO's mother was geared and ready to put a re.laxer in that poor (4 year old's) beautiful hair. Not only was she combing her DRY HAIR but she was using a fine toothed comb. There were globs and globs of hair on the floor. 

After I managed to get the re.laxer out of her reach and Luis (his uncle) tells her to let me take over, she gets pissed and starts screaming about how a Re.laxer is the only way to tame BAD HAIR and how she wishes her brother wouldn't have married a Black woman becasue we have the WORST HAIR in the world. 

Then she tells me that I should be embarrassed to walk around with my Kinky hair b/c it looks and feels disgusting. According to her, Dark Skin Black people are the worst kind of people, and she cries just thinking about how Black her grandbaby's are going to be. Then she trys to convince my SO that he should find a Dominican girl to date, becase Black children are ugly (as she says this, she points at her 4 year old neice) ...That's when Luis gets into it with her... 

Out of respect for my SO, I didn't say anything. I let him handle his mother, but I've been wanting to tell that ***** off for years!!  I just let her go on her rant, while I braided his cousin's hair. 

But my BLOOD WAS BOILING!!! Steam was coming out of my ears ya'll!
I don't know how I managed to stay calm, but if I ever have to be around that woman again...I don't know what I will say or do.

Anyway, I just needed to vent.


----------



## Neith (Jul 13, 2008)

That is terrible


----------



## JustKiya (Jul 13, 2008)

Oh, my gods!!! And she was saying all of this in front of that poor baby!??!?!?!?!?!?! 

  

That's sad, horrifying, and tear-making, all at once.


----------



## Neith (Jul 13, 2008)

I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

She would never come around my kids, light or dark


----------



## natstar (Jul 13, 2008)

Wow! How sad and toxic she is!  I soo sorry you and that baby girl had to witness that garbage.  I would stay farrrr away as possible. I hope that the little girl isn't around her a lot if at all either. She is toxic!


----------



## Irresistible (Jul 13, 2008)

oh God!

I'm just sorry! I know that hurts, such hateful ignorance!


----------



## fivetimestwo (Jul 13, 2008)

OMG! I know you wanted tothat is so sad that she'd say something like that-especially in front of a 4 year old. She needs her


----------



## cmw45 (Jul 13, 2008)

Humph. I can't wait until you SO's cousin's mother gets back and has to hear what she said. LMABO. My money is on the sistah.


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 13, 2008)

So the mom seems to like black men and maybe their **** but not the actual people.  This is nothing new though.  That seems a little better than *some *of the hispanic people I know.  Cause they will flirt, date and have sex with black men.  Trn right around and talk horribly about black women.  Have the black man's kids and then reassure EVERYBODY and their momma...."He's not black  He's Dominican!" (talkin about the child)


----------



## xxBlackRosexx (Jul 13, 2008)

wow, i understand how we have to keep our mouths shut around " the mothers" sometimes...

but i am sorry, i think i would have had to have a mature convo with this woman...is she crazy is she trying to destroy the young girls self worth.

WHAT RAS colour is she and how is her mane???

I am so disgusted


----------



## TexturedTresses (Jul 13, 2008)

Oh my gosh.  I felt so sad reading that.  I feel bad for that little girl.  I know what its like to have people talking about your hairtype.  People are always surprised that my hair is the length it is b/c I never had ultra soft coolie hair.  Ignorant fools.  Dominican hair salons are like that too.  I took my little cousin.  They combed out her hair with a small toothed comb from root to tip and then claimed that her hair was hard to comb.


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 13, 2008)

Neith said:


> I wouldn't have anything to do with her.
> 
> She would never come around my kids, light or dark


 

I agree.  If I were in this situation she would NEVER EVER come around my kids.  I don't care if she is the grandmother.  EVER EVER EVER!!!!


She will taint there minds with this kind of thinking if the child is light skin. And if the child is dark skin she will treat them like s*** and compare them to the other little spanish cousins just to make him or her feel bad.  Trust me!


----------



## cocoaluv (Jul 13, 2008)

If you and your SO stay together and have kids I suggest you keep your kids away from her.


----------



## SoSweet08 (Jul 13, 2008)

Reading this really pisses me off. I wish you could of tried talking to her and educating her in a real sophisticated way. But some people want to believe what they want to believe...


----------



## tiffers (Jul 13, 2008)

Wow!!! Girl, I don't know how you've put up with this for so long. I feel so horrible for you and especially that poor 4 year old baby. I couldn't imagine. What a disgustingly horrible woman!


----------



## longhairdreamzz (Jul 13, 2008)

That's really disturbing!


----------



## SoSweet08 (Jul 13, 2008)

cocoaluv said:


> If you and your SO stay together and have kids I suggest you keep your kids away from her.


 

hell yea lol. Or with parental supervision.


----------



## anon123 (Jul 13, 2008)

Oh my god, how disgusting.  And that poor little girl.  With every sentence you wrote my mouth dropped farther and farther.  That women is loony! What will your children have to be exposed to, hearing that they have the worst skin and hair and that they should be ashamed to walk around looking like themselves because they are so ugly?  Wow.


----------



## SUZIEq (Jul 13, 2008)

Very disturbing indeed!!erplexed  That situation would make me seriously rethink wanting to be a part of that family.



longhairdreamzz said:


> That's really disturbing!


----------



## cocoaluv (Jul 13, 2008)

sandyrabbit said:


> Oh my gosh.  I felt so sad reading that.  I feel bad for that little girl.  I know what its like to have people talking about your hairtype.  People are always surprised that my hair is the length it is b/c I never had ultra soft coolie hair.  Ignorant fools.  Dominican hair salons are like that too.  I took my little cousin.  They combed out her hair with a small toothed comb from* root to tip and then claimed that her hair was hard to comb.*



OMG yes. This is why I am really working hard to become a DIY'er....these salons pissed me off to NO end. They have the smallest toothed comb and want to go from root to tip when I'm like 5 weeks post  then they wanna catch attitude when I say hell now and give them my OWN comb. They said my hair broke off with their comb because of the color in my hair ( only the front of my hair is colored and she was combing the BACK at the time....dumb ****). You would think since this woman had the same hair type (from what I could tell from her roots) she would know better than to try to do that with my hair.


I used to go weekly and now I will do everything on my own and only go for my touch up because I'm too scared to do it on my own.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

xxBlackRosexx said:


> wow, i understand how we have to keep our mouths shut around " the mothers" sometimes...
> 
> but i am sorry, i think i would have had to have a mature convo with this woman...is she crazy is she trying to destroy the young girls self worth.
> 
> ...


 
She's a shade or two short of being White and her hair is dyed Blonde. It's crazy, becasue her father is darker than me...

My SO said that when she woke up in the hospital to discover that her son wasn't light skinned, she told the Nurse that he wasn't hers...

She's pathetic!

I wanted to take Jaz out of the room, but since we were at her house, I didn't feel like I had the right to go any further than the living room.


----------



## TRINITY08 (Jul 13, 2008)

*reads*

*blinks hard and read again*

Umm, WHAT??!!



I applaud you, I really do. I would have probably left there single.

It's one thing to feel a certain way but to say that about a child and make THEM feel a certain way? Hell no!

That is so terribly sad. I'll say a prayer for her cause that is all that can help an attitude like that.


----------



## MariposaSexyGirl (Jul 13, 2008)

Thats Effed up  girl I do not see how you do it. Because those are fighting words. And how dare she speak of your future children and that child like that. She would never ever ever ever come around my children. I am praying that you keep yo cool and not beat the ish out of that *****. Cuz I think I would. Because after that a$$ woopin she would have a reason to not like black folks for real. I'm sorry I'm getting carried away. Let me get out of here. Sorry you had to endure that.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Not only will she not be allowed around my kids, she isn't even invited to the Wedding (my SO's decision...he is angrier than me)


----------



## Crissi (Jul 13, 2008)

I guess she forgets dominican/hispanic is not a race but an nationality/ethnicity...and i guess she forgets all that negro blood laced in her lineage/DNA. Ughh! And the cheek to take it out on the child/children? Man that would have been the moment i would have lost it...


----------



## iasade (Jul 13, 2008)

That is really sad for the baby and for you! You handled it like a trooper girl!!!


----------



## DDTexlaxed (Jul 13, 2008)

Ignorance is bliss. I wish I had your skills because your hair is always on point. Too bad your future MIL is like that. You must have love for your man to put up with her garbage.  U rescued the baby in time.


----------



## Ivonnovi (Jul 13, 2008)

Outside of the IGNORANCE.

1.  I AM glad that he stood up to his mother on your behalf.  (You have a good man)

2.  Feel comforted that not everyone in their family is (as she is).   You will know who you can relate to, when times with her get ruff. 

3.  Be sure the neice is protected from her sharp tongue.  She'll do the same for your children. 


4.  You exercised more restraint than I think I could have under those circumstances.   God Bless


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

SUZIEq said:


> Very disturbing indeed!!erplexed That situation would make me seriously rethink wanting to be a part of that family.


 
SHE'S  the only one that thnks like that, his aunt, who is married to a Black man, is so sweet. His Grandmother had to deal with the same nonsense when she married her husband, his Grandfather (who has a the same complexion as...Steve Harvey). She's the only maniac, I love the rest of them...


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Crissi said:


> I guess she forgets dominican/hispanic is not a race but an nationality/ethnicity...and i guess she forgets all that negro blood laced in her lineage/DNA. Ughh! And the cheek to take it out on the child/children? Man that would have been the moment i would have lost it...


 
Preach!! We had this discussion on the 4th of July, and she got so mad, I was try to tell her about the Black Diaspora but she wasn't having none of that, that's when I learned that she's one of those people who refuse to see the truth even if it hit her with a Mac truck, so I let it go.


----------



## cutiebe2 (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Then she tells me that I should be embarrassed to walk around with my Kinky hair b/c it looks and feels disgusting. According to her, Dark Skin Black people are the worst kind of people, and she cries just thinking about how Black her grandbaby's are going to be. Then she trys to convince my SO that he should find a Dominican girl to date, becase Black children are ugly (as she says this, she points at her 4 year old neice) ...That's when Luis gets into it with her...
> 
> Out of respect for my SO, I didn't say anything. I let him handle his mother, but I've been wanting to tell that ***** off for years!!  I just let her go on her rant, while I braided his cousin's hair.
> 
> ...



((((HUGS)))))
this is not surprising for Dominicans. Although the way she is handling the situation is extreme, many have some issue with color and hair... I know those on the island do not like natural hair, and it also plays into the whole Haitian-dominican issue

I would be most worried about how she would treat your future children


----------



## phyl73 (Jul 13, 2008)

I don't even know how to reply.  It's so sad to see how racist she is.  I was watching a Tyra show where within the Latino community, they rank themselves.  You know like Argetineans consider themselves to be on top and he said that Mexcians and Dominicans were on the bottom.  It's such a shame that she has such hate.  She doesn't know what damage she is causing.


----------



## naturalmanenyc (Jul 13, 2008)

And she is the reason that so many people elope.  

There are tons of Domincan women who swear that African hair is just the worst but many of them have the SAME texture and they relax.  My good friend is Puerto Rican & Dominican and she relaxes to get her hair straight.  Her husband is Jewish & Italian but I guarantee you they could care less about the skin color or hair texture of their soon to be son.

I cannot believe that she spoke that way about you, your future children and her own grandchild.  I hope the child does not spend much time with that woman?  And the fact that she was gonna relax the baby's hair while her mom was out of town!!!  She needs her butt kicked.

It's not the first time that I have heard something like this though.  I had an experience a few weeks ago at a Dominican salon (attempt at trying out a new place) and was made to feel like my 20+ week, soft, curly new growth was 16 inches of kinky, coarse 4xyz hair.  I left without having anything done.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

TRINITY08 said:


> *reads*
> 
> *blinks hard and read again*
> 
> ...


 
My SO was pissed that I didn't say anything. He has always told me to stand up to his mother, but I keep thinking of what I'd do if he ever...EVER disrespected my mother. I don't care what she had done, I just wouldn't allow it. So I can't (even with his permission) allow myself to do it to him. He was holding me down though, I felt so


----------



## cutiebe2 (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Not only will she not be allowed around my kids, she isn't even invited to the Wedding (my SO's decision...he is angrier than me)



WOW.. I didn't read this before my most. I agree with this. Until she changes her tune you don't know what type of damage she could do to the emotional state of your marriage or your children


----------



## bravenewgirl87 (Jul 13, 2008)

SUZIEq said:


> Very disturbing indeed!!erplexed  That situation would make me seriously rethink wanting to be a part of that family.


*
Ditto. Especially when the whole dang family feels that way. You CAN disown your fam if you really want to and hopefully he will do that for you... and for his own sanity.


Are these really white dominicans or do they have tinge-tinge of blackness in them?
*


----------



## bravenewgirl87 (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> My SO was pissed that I didn't say anything. He has always told me to stand up to his mother, but I keep thinking of what I'd do if he ever...EVER disrespected my mother. I don't care what she had done, I just wouldn't allow it. So I can't (even with his permission) allow myself to do it to him. He was holding me down though, I felt so


*
I dunno girl... I've always liked you and you are a nice lady. i think you deserve better than this. Best of luck!*


----------



## trinigul (Jul 13, 2008)

Wish I could say I'm surprised to hear this.

I feel so sorry that this woman has so much access to that little girl.  If I was her mother, I'd give her father (the woman's brother) a GOOD tongue lashing.  I'm sure her castillian ideology is very well known w/in the family.  Therefore, your MIL-to-be should have been the LAST person her brother should have trusted to care for his impressionable child.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Reg's Wife said:


> And she is the reason that so many people elope.
> 
> There are tons of Domincan women who swear that African hair is just the worst but many of them have the SAME texture and they relax. My good friend is Puerto Rican & Dominican and she relaxes to get her hair straight. Her husband is Jewish & Italian but I guarantee you they could care less about the skin color or hair texture of their soon to be son.
> 
> ...


 
No, they live in New Jersey...His uncle rarely comes to Harlem, now I now why. He called me to apologize, He said that she got mad when Winnie (his wife) told her that she didn't want her doing her child's hair. That's why she was so pissed when I came over. I told his wife, so I know there is about to be some serious drama when she gets back from DC...


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

bravenewgirl87 said:


> *Ditto. Especially when the whole dang family feels that way. You CAN disown your fam if you really want to and hopefully he will do that for you... and for his own sanity.*
> 
> For the past couple of years, he has seriously distanced himself from his mother, I didnt understand why, so I was pressuring him to spend more time with his family, he would get mad at me, but I didn't want him to lose his family b/c he was dating me. He has his own issues with his mother (outside of our relationship) that makes hims dislike her...So now I know to just leave well enough alone.
> 
> *Are these really white dominicans or do they have tinge-tinge of blackness in them?*


 
They have more than a tinge of blackness in them...their father is a Black dominican, if he didn't speak spanish you would think he was Black 



trinigul said:


> Wish I could say I'm surprised to hear this.
> 
> I feel so sorry that this woman has so much access to that little girl. If I was her mother, I'd give her father (the woman's brother) a GOOD tongue lashing. I'm sure her castillian ideology is very well known w/in the family. Therefore, your MIL-to-be should have been the LAST person her brother should have trusted to care for his impressionable child.


 
He lives in Jersey, he just bought them to Harlem so I could braid her hair. I live in Brooklyn and my SO lives in Queens, he didn't want to travel that deep into the city, so he asked me to meet him over her house. Knowing her the way he does, he should have drove the extra 20 mins to Queens, but he was being lazy, now he's in just as much trouble with his wife as my soon to be MIL.


----------



## CheLala13 (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm a really sensitive person and I'm pretty sure I would've cursed her out all the while crying! That is so sad and ignorant and I hope that 4 yr old little girl never remembers her words. How sad.


----------



## sharentu (Jul 13, 2008)

wow i agree with you i wouldnt want her anywhere near my children.  that kind of negativity is definitely not wanted. it will be her lose for sure.


----------



## PuffyBrown (Jul 13, 2008)

Wow, my heart fell when I read this. It is a shame that brown skinned people can be their own worst enemy.
I am curious, and I apologize if this was already mentioned but what kind of hair does she have?


----------



## MA2010 (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Ok, so I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 years. When we initially started dating, his Dominican family didn't like me, but I just chalked it up to them not wanting him to get too serious too fast (which was completely understandable).
> 
> It never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR
> 
> ...


 

*Excuse me while I go VOMIT!!! *

*Why do people constantly downplay "kinky hair"??? *

*At a lost for words.....FOR REAL!!!!*


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

PuffyBrown said:


> Wow, my heart fell when I read this. It is a shame that brown skinned people can be their own worst enemy.
> I am curious, and I apologize if this was already mentioned but what kind of hair does she have?


 
She has curly 2 somthing hair...


----------



## Kirei (Jul 13, 2008)

WOW! You have a great character and I commend you for keeping your cool and not acting "crazy" infront of the child, looks like her father handled it.

I know the popular response is "Curse her out!" I actually think you spoke volumes to her by not saying a word, I also think you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and your kindness is usually what convicts someone.

While she is talking about someone's "looks" being ugly she showed her ugly Character. She made a true fool of herslef that night and I am sure she left a ugly image of herself and that girl's mind, that is the worst punishment of all if you ask me.


----------



## Duff (Jul 13, 2008)

this is just sooo sad to me!  not only would she not be invited to the wedding (good decision SO!) but she would not know that I was pregnant, be at the hospital for the birth, or be around my child AT ALL!!!!!  never! my childern would look at her like a stranger.


----------



## cmw45 (Jul 13, 2008)

Manushka said:


> *Excuse me while I go VOMIT!!! *
> 
> *Why do people constantly downplay "kinky hair"??? *
> 
> *At a lost for words.....FOR REAL!!!!*


 
ITA. Why is the response my hair is not 5zsdcfeedfggg. Well, what if it was? Would she then have been justified in behaving the way she did? NO, she wouldn't.


----------



## PuffyBrown (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> She has curly 2 somthing hair...


 

Meaning that 1% + of that itsy bitsy black blood running though her veins. I feel sorry for her. You dont have to feel bad becuase she is the one suffering. Anytime someone hates you every frown they make, every grimace weakens their mind. She is suffering and lost. God is definately watching and listening. Dont worry about her. Some people are so damn ingnorant just ignore her and move on. When your back starts flowing down your back you can turn your damn back and maybe that example will help the little girl grow up holding her head up if you have that much contact with the family. I will pray for you and ask God to relieve you from feeling hurt from other peoples ignorance. May he take you on wings of eagles and make allow of your sorrow dissapear. God Bless..sweetie. 

ps.  just pray for her girl. really dont let it worry you. Dont get your blood pressure up on stupid stuff.


----------



## michaela (Jul 13, 2008)

Awwww this is so sad!
Reading this made me want to Cry for the little girl!!! poor thing!
wait a min u said she had Curly type 2 hair and the grandmother wanted to put a relaxer on it??????


----------



## naturalmanenyc (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> No, they live in New Jersey...His uncle rarely comes to Harlem, now I now why. He called me to apologize, He said that she got mad when Winnie (his wife) told her that she didn't want her doing her child's hair. That's why she was so pissed when I came over. I told his wife, so I know there is about to be some serious drama when she gets back from DC...


 
Thank goodness for that distance.  She is just hateful and all that over a type 2 hair.  I cannot imagine if the baby had type 4 hair like mine.  Evil woman!!!


----------



## nicey (Jul 13, 2008)

All I can say is mmm, mmm, MMMHM! That's sad.  If that isn't ignorance I don't know what is.  I'm also at a loss for words.   This scenario reminds me of this book called "Restavec" by Jean Cadet.  You should read it. It's powerful.


----------



## cupcakes (Jul 13, 2008)




----------



## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Jul 13, 2008)

What did your man say to his mother?


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

missprincess011 said:


> Awwww this is so sad!
> Reading this made me want to Cry for the little girl!!! poor thing!
> wait a min u said she had Curly type 2 hair and the grandmother wanted to put a relaxer on it??????


 
No, her aunt has type 2 something hair, the Winnie (4 year old) has 3c/4a hair that's longer than mine! Her hair was past shoulders with shrinkage!


----------



## mj11051 (Jul 13, 2008)

Girl you're better woman than I am, because when I got through her she would have been crying and I wouldn't have cussed her once. MY MIL and her sisters all have long relaxed hair and I went to pick his mother up with him in May and one of the sisters does hair and she asked me to let her do my hair. I said do what to it? Se replied you need a relaxer and I told no I don't my hair is naturally beautiful and that's not gonna change anytime soon. Ya shoulda since the look on her face, however she knew I meant business.


----------



## Enchantmt (Jul 13, 2008)

Wow, I dont know what to think. I'm guess I'm just glad we arent going to have to pull together an LHCF bail out of  fund or dispatch a  team to help you dispose of the body.  Tho we cant rule that out until after the the child's mother gets back... 

So much for all the convos around here that say folx these days relax only for style options, and not conscious or unconscious self hate issues. Tho, I believe that is true for the majority, there are obviously folx still out there with issues. I'm glad you were able to save the lil girls hair. It sounds like her mother takes good care of it, from the length you gave. 

BTW...when is her mom due back? Dont forget to keep us updated.


----------



## PuddingPop (Jul 13, 2008)

Fabulousity said:


> What did your man say to his mother?


 

Thats exactly what I was thinking.  Please, Please tell me he said something to her.  If he didn't then your in for a world of trouble.


----------



## ShiShiPooPoo (Jul 13, 2008)

That's a shame...it really is.

I wish God would wake people up like that to be black in the morning and have to spend the rest of their lives like that.


----------



## SimpleKomplexity (Jul 13, 2008)

I hope that lil girl didn't know what was going on, but little kids are smart these days.  That could certaintly destroy her self esteem, and she's gonna need all that she can get hangin around that wench.


----------



## jrae (Jul 13, 2008)

Did anyone say anything to the lil' girl to console her or anything?  This just breaks my heart. Plus, I remember an evil hairdresser saying something about my hair when I was maybe 7.  I could cry right now...      ...and you know what?  Its ONLY HAIR!  Why the rant over HAIR?  This woman with her nasty *** personality thinks she's better than somebody else?


----------



## Makenzie (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Not only will she not be allowed around my kids, she isn't even invited to the Wedding (my SO's decision...he is angrier than me)


 
Seems like you have a good man.  Some men still attached with the umbilical cord.


----------



## Je Ne Sais Quoi (Jul 13, 2008)

PuddingPop said:


> Thats exactly what I was thinking. Please, Please tell me he said something to her. *If he didn't then your in for a world of trouble*.


 
That's exactly why I asked.  But, I have a feeling LadyKay's man aint ok w/ the okie doke


----------



## Makenzie (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> No, they live in New Jersey...His uncle rarely comes to Harlem, now I now why. He called me to apologize, He said that she got mad when Winnie (his wife) told her that she didn't want her doing her child's hair. That's why she was so pissed when I came over. I told his wife, so I know there is about to be some serious drama when she gets back from DC...


 
Please come back and tell us what happens when that baby's mother comes home.


----------



## DreadlockedLady0171 (Jul 13, 2008)

TRINITY08 said:


> * applaud you, I really do. I would have probably left there single.*


Yeah, me too.


Crissi said:


> *I guess she forgets dominican/hispanic is not a race but an nationality/ethnicity...and i guess she forgets all that negro blood laced in her lineage/DNA. Ughh! *And the cheek to take it out on the child/children? Man that would have been the moment i would have lost it...






cutiebe2 said:


> ((((HUGS)))))
> *this is not surprising for Dominicans. Although the way she is handling the situation is extreme, many have some issue with color and hair.*.. I know those on the island do not like natural hair, and it also plays into the whole Haitian-dominican issue
> 
> I would be most worried about how she would treat your future children





WOW erplexed I am sad and angry at the same time. I believe you handled it well sis. It's a shame though. I'd definitely keep your kids away.
If your SO got your back, then you're alrite.
It's when your SO doesn't want to make waves ...then you got something to think about.


----------



## BeetleBug (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm sorry but I would have said something. There is no way I would have stood there and took that abuse. I'm kinda mad that you didn't say anything.


----------



## SoAnxious12 (Jul 13, 2008)

don't mind that *****! Some people just feel  they don't have enough about themselves to likes so they find things to hate on others. Unfortunately a lot of women (of all diff races/nationalities) have a similar mentality. Thank God your man held down the fort! I know when he starting dating in her household all hell broke loose lol


----------



## bravenewgirl87 (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> They have more than a tinge of blackness in them...their father is a Black dominican, if he didn't speak spanish you would think he was Black


*Whoa!


You've been posting here for a while, right?


Let him go.... you're too good for that.
*


----------



## Supergirl (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> SHE'S  the only one that thnks like that, his aunt, who is married to a Black man, is so sweet. His Grandmother had to deal with the same nonsense when she married her husband, his Grandfather (who has a the same complexion as...Steve Harvey). She's the only maniac, I love the rest of them...



She is going to be a sad and lonely old woman unless she changes her ways.  It's ironic that all the ugly words she uses to describe how black people look on the outside are the same words that describe her insides.


----------



## NYAmicas (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Years ago, my HS sweetheart who is Puerto Rican and I went through so many problems because of his mom. She was ok with me at first but his little brother thought I was Dominican and started telling me a whole bunch of racist things about blacks. He was like 9 so I figured it came from the mother whose own father was darker than me. One time I came over to visit him and my hair was admittedly a mess (long before LCHF!), and they were practically begging me to let them straighten it. I was offended and refused.


----------



## WomanlyCharm (Jul 13, 2008)

My blood is boiling...that woman needs a reality check.   

She hates black people?  WTH is she sleeping with them?  

You did a good job keeping your mouth shut with the little girl there, why add to the drama...but you need to let this spiteful racist nutjob know IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS you are PROUD to be a black woman, and your kids will be dominican AND black.
And since she dislikes blacks so much, there's no way you're going to let her near your children to poison their minds and break their little hearts.


----------



## Mook's hair (Jul 13, 2008)

Dang Lady K, I think I went temporarily blind reading that.
I'm not surprised though.

Have you ever read this article, it's kind old now but quite informative.
http://www.miamiherald.com/multimedia/news/afrolatin/part2/index.html
It talks about the Dominican    cultural rejection of African looking hair. It is so strong that    people often shout insults at    women with natural curls.

I'm glad to hear that your fiance stood up to his Mom and that he had your back & loves you. Good for him.

But I guess we all have some burden to bear and this is yours.

Keep your head up.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Initially he was trying to distract Winnie, she's always been really quit, but during the whole discussion, she looked really upset, but after a while, he couldn't contain himself...

He basically told her that she was just self hating (her father's half dominican/half Hatian). He told her that she will never be apart of our lives b/c she has always been spiteful and mean...that's why she's always going to be alone. When she gets old he'd rather put her in a nursing home than bring her around his family...etc, it got really ugly to the point where I had to finish her hair outside. Then we went home


----------



## TexturedTresses (Jul 13, 2008)

I don't think you should leave him at all.  In fact, it's admirable that he was able to stand up to his mother.  It's also amirable that he doesn't carry some of her racist attitudes.  Thats hard to do when you grow up in a home with a racist.  I think this proves he's a keeper.


----------



## WomanlyCharm (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Initially he was trying to distract Winnie, she's always been really quit, but during the whole discussion, she looked really upset, but after a while, he couldn't contain himself...
> 
> He basically told her that she was just self hating (her father's half dominican/half Hatian). He told her that she will never be apart of our lives b/c she has always been spiteful and mean...that's why she's always going to be alone. When she gets old he'd rather put her in a nursing home than bring her around his family...etc, it got really ugly to the point where I had to finish her hair outside. Then we went home


 
Wow...I'm so glad he stood up to his mom...but I know that had to hurt him.    But he told he rthe truth, she really does hate herself.

I know you two will have a beautiful wedding, and beautiful babies.  Let her negativity roll right off your back.


----------



## senimoni (Jul 13, 2008)

WOW...I'm not surprised she thinks that but I'm floored she would say it.  Are you close with the 4 year olds black parent...not sure if its the mom or dad, either way you need to have a conversation with them...so they can remove their daughter from experiencing that. That is horrible.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Supergirl said:


> She is going to be a sad and lonely old woman unless she changes her ways.  It's ironic that all the ugly words she uses to describe how black people look on the outside are the same words that describe her insides.


 
She already is, her Boyfriend of 7 years left her after she refused to have a baby with him b/c of his naps, his little brother's father left her b/c of the "That's not my baby....he's too dark" comment she made to the nurse when he was born...

It's crazy b/c I knew of all these things beforehand, but since I never witnessed it I thought they were exaggerating....

The fact that he moved out at 16 b/c he didn't want to be around his own mother should have told me something, but I didn't know she could be this


----------



## Lady Esquire (Jul 13, 2008)

I am mad just reading that. 

Rebuke her ***.


----------



## BeetleBug (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> She already is, her Boyfriend of 7 years left her after she refused to have a baby with him b/c of his naps, his little brother's father left her b/c of the "That's not my baby....he's too dark" comment she made to the nurse when he was born...
> 
> It's crazy b/c I knew of all these things beforehand, but since I never witnessed it I thought they were exaggerating....
> 
> The fact that he moved out at 16 b/c he didn't want to be around his own mother should have told me something, but I didn't know she could be this



Wow, she's a nutcase. No offense. I pray she get the help she seriously needs.


----------



## Nazarite27 (Jul 13, 2008)

Wow!! 

*She really hates herself!* Maybe she should have a history lesson because she is seriously confused and in denial!


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

sandyrabbit said:


> I don't think you should leave him at all. In fact, it's admirable that he was able to stand up to his mother. It's also amirable that he doesn't carry some of her racist attitudes. Thats hard to do when you grow up in a home with a racist. I think this proves he's a keeper.


 
He had to deal with her making those sort of comments to his little brother his whole life, to the point where he just had to move out.

Sadly, his little brother (who is now 18) actually dislikes Black people (his friends, family and me are exceptions to his mostly negative views). He even makes comments about wishing he had GOOD HAIR like his brother. 



WomanlyCharm said:


> Wow...I'm so glad he stood up to his mom...but I know that had to hurt him.  But he told he rthe truth, she really does hate herself.
> 
> I know you two will have a beautiful wedding, and beautiful babies. Let her negativity roll right off your back.


 
I can tell it hurts him. Before this incident, he already had problems with his mother, but I could tell that he really wanted her to be apart of his life, that's why I tried to be nice to the woman. I even used to make him answer her phone calls and to go see her, now I understand why he avoids her.




senimoni said:


> WOW...I'm not surprised she thinks that but I'm floored she would say it. Are you close with the 4 year olds black parent...not sure if its the mom or dad, either way you need to have a conversation with them...so they can remove their daughter from experiencing that. That is horrible.


 
Her mother is Black, she will be back on Tuesday. She already called me to get my side of the story, and she is livid!!! She said that she told Luis NOT to bring her to Harlem. He was supposed to bring her to my house, but he was being lazy. So yeah, the drama isn't over, apparently, Winnie called her mother crying about her Titi saying her hair was ugly

She doesn't get along with my SO's mother, who never treated her with any kind of respect (she also gave her brother a hard time for marrying a Blk woman)


----------



## streets (Jul 13, 2008)

i've heard that Dom. women are notorious for being that way. The worst thing (according to them) is to have is "kinky" hair. Why do you think all those Dominican salons are so blowdryer/perm happy? I would love your soon to be hubby (an congratulations by the way) and stay away from that horrible woman!


----------



## SoAnxious12 (Jul 13, 2008)

completely o/t but nazarite27... why is your son soooooo friggin HANDSOME (sexy)! 

I don't think his hating mother is any reason to leave the man... he clearly has a different pov on things.


----------



## DayStar (Jul 13, 2008)

lawd a mercy......im telling you you are better than me because i would of detached that bishes head off her body


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> She already is, her Boyfriend of 7 years left her after she refused to have a baby with him b/c of his naps, his little brother's father left her b/c of the "That's not my baby....he's too dark" comment she made to the nurse when he was born...
> 
> It's crazy b/c I knew of all these things beforehand, but since I never witnessed it I thought they were exaggerating....
> 
> The fact that he moved out at 16 b/c he didn't want to be around his own mother should have told me something, but I didn't know she could be this


 

I don't understand how the "boyrfriends" even got with her in the first place.  How the heck did he stay with her for 7 years and put up with her negative attitudes towards black people and he is black himself. I am dumbfounded by that one erplexed

The boyfriend that left her after the "not my  baby" comment....what should I say about that one? Now he should have known that she was like that before he slept with her and made a baby.  Why did he wait until after the baby was born to leave her as a single parent when he probably knew her character before all this.  Please don't tell me that father is black too...because then I would really be dumbfounded.


*She must have some good stuff.  Cause I don't see how these black men can want to be with someone like that.*


----------



## JustKiya (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm just so glad you got there before she managed to get the relaxer in her hair!!!! Whooowee, that would have been ugly, right there!


----------



## Christina Dior (Jul 13, 2008)

yea a lot of them can be like that


----------



## Nazarite27 (Jul 13, 2008)

SoAnxious12 said:


> completely o/t but nazarite27... why is your son soooooo friggin HANDSOME (sexy)!
> 
> I don't think his hating mother is any reason to leave the man... he clearly has a different pov on things.


 
SoAnxious12, thank you!!  They are my everything!


----------



## DayStar (Jul 13, 2008)

SoAnxious12 said:


> completely o/t but nazarite27... why is your son soooooo friggin HANDSOME (sexy)! .



OKAY...i was staring like


----------



## Crissi (Jul 13, 2008)

ebonybelle said:


> OKAY...i was staring like



I know right! Them two handsome dudes just make you wonder...how can you not like blacks? i mean seesh...look how good we look...


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

SoAnxious12 said:


> *completely o/t but nazarite27... why is your son soooooo friggin HANDSOME (sexy)!*
> 
> I don't think his hating mother is any reason to leave the man... he clearly has a different pov on things.


 
 They are fine!!!


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

JustKiya said:


> I'm just so glad you got there before she managed to get the relaxer in her hair!!!! Whooowee, that would have been ugly, right there!


 
It was about 7:00pm...and she was in her pjs, Why did she just have a relaxer laying around


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 13, 2008)

I have a question:

*What was the little girl's father doing when all of this was going down?*  Did he say anything to his evil wicked sister when she was degrading his daughter.
I am sure that little girl was aware and watching what was going on (hence her crying to her mother about it later).  It would have made her feel a little bit better I think if she SAW her father standing up for his little girl.  A father's perception of you at a young age (him telling you that you are beautiful) really helps a little girl's self esteem.
I hope the father also told his daughter that she has beautiful hair as well.


----------



## BeetleBug (Jul 13, 2008)

Nazarite27 said:


> SoAnxious12, thank you!!  They are my everything!



So, how old are they?


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

NewYorkgyrl said:


> I don't understand how the "boyrfriends" even got with her in the first place. How the heck did he stay with her for 7 years and put up with her negative attitudes towards black people and he is black himself. I am dumbfounded by that one erplexed
> 
> The boyfriend that left her after the "not my baby" comment....what should I say about that one? Now he should have known that she was like that before he slept with her and made a baby. Why did he wait until after the baby was born to leave her as a single parent when he probably knew her character before all this. Please don't tell me that father is black too...because then I would really be dumbfounded.
> 
> ...


 

Girl, that's what I was thinking! But none of them were cute  so maybe they were desperate, I don't get it either


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 13, 2008)

march87 said:


> So, how old are they?


 

LOL!!!!


----------



## Nazarite27 (Jul 13, 2008)

march87 said:


> So, how old are they?


 
20 and 17.


----------



## Nazarite27 (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> They are fine!!!


 
Thank you LadyKaypnyc!


----------



## Blessed_Angel (Jul 13, 2008)

That is sad to hear, but she's not a rare breed. There are many people who feel the same way; irregardless of race. 

How can she expect to comb the child's hair with a fine tooth comb AND dry hair; and complain about the child's hair. She's so ignorant. And she won't change. What kind of hair does she have? I'm just curious. 

My ex was Dominican and his mother used to say the same thing about being with me. All the while, her OWN KIDS looked Black!! But she looked Spanish with straight hair. It didn't work out b/w us, but I'm glad that it did; cause this is exactly what I DON'T want to deal with! 

I wish you the best. I hope you keep your kinky hair babies away from her when you do have them.


----------



## Crissi (Jul 13, 2008)

Nazarite27 said:


> 20 and 17.



You've started something i'm 19...lol


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

NewYorkgyrl said:


> I have a question:
> 
> *What was the little girl's father doing when all of this was going down?* Did he say anything to his evil wicked sister when she was degrading his daughter.
> I am sure that little girl was aware and watching what was going on (hence her crying to her mother about it later). It would have made her feel a little bit better I think if she SAW her father standing up for his little girl. A father's perception of you at a young age (him telling you that you are beautiful) really helps a little girl's self esteem.
> I hope the father also told his daughter that she has beautiful hair as well.


 
 He did tell his daughter that her hair was beautiful and he kept kissing and hugging her. For the most part, though, he just kept saying "That's why I don't come around you anymore...You are crazy...etc"


----------



## BeetleBug (Jul 13, 2008)

Nazarite27 said:


> 20 and 17.



 Darn, too young for me even though I'm year older than the oldest one.  They are still cute though.

Okay, back on topic.


----------



## Country gal (Jul 13, 2008)

Yep, I don't like going to Dominican Salons since I have natural hair. I feel that some not all but some do have problems with kinky hair.

Sorry you had to go through this but did he put his mother in check?


----------



## Arcadian (Jul 13, 2008)

I congradulate you for not putting your foot in her ass.  There's not many that would have showed that kind of restraint.

-A


----------



## danigurl18 (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear that.. and I completely understand right now because my Dominican grandmother hasn't spoken to me since I did the BC because now my hair is "bad"... In general they are just really racist and deny anything "black" because they deny the fact that they have slave ancestry... my grandma didnt speak to me for 2 years after i told her that she was black! I definately feel for that little girl since my gram gave me my first perm at 4 when my mom sent me to the DR!! My mom is black and she reassured me that i was beautiful despite the fact that my gram hates me and my parents relationship.. but its all good. things will get better for you...  If you ever need to talk i'm here...


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> *He did tell his daughter that her hair was beautiful and he kept kissing and hugging her*. For the most part, though, he just kept saying "That's why I don't come around you anymore...You are crazy...etc"


 


AWWWW he is a good dad.   (But I know his wife is pissed that he even brought the child over to that witch's house)


----------



## SmartyPants (Jul 13, 2008)

When you marry her son, you might as well have a bail fund ready.  You will have to kick her ass at least once!


----------



## SoAnxious12 (Jul 13, 2008)

Nazarite27 said:


> Thank you LadyKaypnyc!


 

20 and 17 huh? hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... i'm 19! Im just sayin whichever one of them happens to be single... just putting my bid out there....


----------



## napgurl (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Initially he was trying to distract Winnie, she's always been really quit, but during the whole discussion, she looked really upset, but after a while, he couldn't contain himself...
> 
> He basically told her that she was just self hating (her father's half dominican/half Hatian). He told her that she will never be apart of our lives b/c she has always been spiteful and mean...that's why she's always going to be alone. When she gets old he'd rather put her in a nursing home than bring her around his family...etc, it got really ugly to the point where I had to finish her hair outside. Then we went home


 
Your SO is a real man.  I know inside he was hurt and embarrased that his mother acted like this.  Thank goodness something good came from this woman.


----------



## danigurl18 (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm 20.. can I have a son??? lol


----------



## bravenewgirl87 (Jul 13, 2008)

sandyrabbit said:


> I don't think you should leave him at all.  In fact, it's admirable that he was able to stand up to his mother.  It's also amirable that he doesn't carry some of her racist attitudes.  Thats hard to do when you grow up in a home with a racist.  I think this proves he's a keeper.



*After the initial shock, I had to be realistic and say I agree with this sentiment now. I have some idiots for friends and family members and... I wouldn't want someone to assume I was like them just because we share bloodlines. Best of luck....
This is one hecka funny sitcheacion.*


----------



## aloof one (Jul 13, 2008)

I am truly sorry you have to go through this. I've always considered you a pretty person, and I adore your hair in your Youtube videos, so I don't understand how someone who has the pleasure of seeing it in real life would be disgusted by it  It reminds me of my Mexican ex's mother. She was ruthless while we were together, and couldn't keep any of her feelings to herself or even try to change. She didn't know I knew Spanish either, and when she found out she started talking fast so I wouldn't get what she said (and I did anyway ) about us. Some women are just cruel, and I bet her feelings have nothing to do with her son and his happiness too.


----------



## LaPetiteCoquette (Jul 13, 2008)

Dominicans are African also.  Where do they think their tinted skin and textured hair come from?  I hate when Dom. ppl act like that.  (I know not everyone does that).  The worst part is her pointing to a bebe and using her as an example of ugliness.  I would not have stood for that.  I'm super polite and really quiet, but I would have had to put it on her to protect a child at that point.  That's insanity.


----------



## Energist (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> I*t never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR *



Sounds like an ex friend of mine.  Engaged to this wonderful Black man, but won't be marrying him.  She is waiting for better


----------



## Crissi (Jul 13, 2008)

LaPetiteCoquette said:


> *Dominicans are African also*.  Where do they think their tinted skin and textured hair come from?  I hate when Dom. ppl act like that.  (I know not everyone does that).  The worst part is her pointing to a bebe and using her as an example of ugliness.  I would not have stood for that.  I'm super polite and really quiet, but I would have had to put it on her to protect a child at that point.  That's insanity.



Don't say such things. You know that an ultimate lie!!!!


----------



## Crissi (Jul 13, 2008)

Energist said:


> Sounds like an ex friend of mine.  Engaged to this wonderful Black man, but won't be marrying him.  She is waiting for better



What?!!!!! My jaw near dropped...


----------



## LaPetiteCoquette (Jul 13, 2008)

Crissi said:


> Don't say such things. You know that an ultimate lie!!!!



I know! I can't figure where they get their brown skin and textured hair from .... I just can't figure it out.  I thought it was Africa, but you're right.  I lie.


----------



## Energist (Jul 13, 2008)

Crissi said:


> What?!!!!! My jaw near dropped...



Oh yes! I've known this girl for over 10 years, so it actually doesn't surprise me, but it's a damn shame erplexed


----------



## atlien (Jul 13, 2008)

This sounds like some mess........ My prays are with you.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

bravenewgirl87 said:


> *After the initial shock, I had to be realistic and say I agree with this sentiment now. I have some idiots for friends and family members and... I wouldn't want someone to assume I was like them just because we share bloodlines. Best of luck....*
> *This is one hecka funny sitcheacion.*


 

I'm walking around looking like this (in the process of mini twisting)






And he's looking at me like this





So, he's definately a keeper!!!!


----------



## Rae1234 (Jul 13, 2008)

this is really sad. i feel sorry for the kid that had to hear this lady's RANT!

i would gave that lady a piece of reality!


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Energist said:


> Sounds like an ex friend of mine. Engaged to this wonderful Black man, but won't be marrying him. She is waiting for better


 
WTF???? That's really sad


----------



## SoAnxious12 (Jul 13, 2008)

op why is your future hubby so well HOT!!!!!!!!!! DOn't let his mother stand in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Crissi (Jul 13, 2008)

SoAnxious12 said:


> op why is your future hubby so well HOT!!!!!!!!!! DOn't let his mother stand in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I know right! He looks so good...


----------



## aloof one (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> So, he's definately a keeper!!!!


----------



## msde13 (Jul 13, 2008)

That just does not make since...Dominicans come in all shapes colors and sizes...and have different hairtypes...from kinky to straight...heck...one of my best friends who is Dominican is darker than me and has kinkier hair than I do...I have never seen this from their culture...most of them pride themselves for not being able to see color and for not being racist...I do not know what her problem is but she needs to go back to her roots...and I would never leave my kids alone with her...she needs some serious prayer...only God can help that...sorry you went through that...but I am happy you did the right thing...you let him handle it...if you would have said something...somehow you would have looked like a demon...some people are just a trip...


----------



## msde13 (Jul 13, 2008)

Also...you have very pretty hair...I LOVE IT!!!!


----------



## HoneyA (Jul 13, 2008)

WTH?!!! How could she say such things? I would have handled all that differently because my mouth has no cover...but power to you for seeming to keep your cool...


----------



## pinkchocolatedaisy (Jul 13, 2008)

I totally agree.... Im so sorry you had to experience that. And the poor little girl. I hope her daddy let her HAVE it. You know it's funny, our hair may not be the best to some but I think we have the coolest hair, we have so many options and when properly cared for it is BEAUTIFUL!!! I wouldn't fault you if you decided to keep any children you and SO may have away from her.. all you CAN do is PRAY for this woman b/c she needs that more than anything. 



curvycurly78 said:


> OMG! I know you wanted tothat is so sad that she'd say something like that-especially in front of a 4 year old. She needs her


----------



## HoneyA (Jul 13, 2008)

So, *he's definately a keeper!!!!* [/quote]

uh huh! My advice, with a guy this fine forget the drama, move to another state where you and your children will never have to see your MIL.


----------



## klowdnyne (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm sorry you had to go through that and even sorrier for the young girl.  Hearing something like that from a grandmother can be so damaging.  You did the right thing in letting your SO handle the situation (and thankfully he did.)

Sometimes the only thing you can do for people with that mindset is to pray for them and that yoou don't have to go whoop somebody's...

...sorry, I was losing my religion there.


----------



## pinkchocolatedaisy (Jul 13, 2008)

sh#*.... me too I was like dang they are some fine young mens! 



ebonybelle said:


> OKAY...i was staring like


----------



## Kirei (Jul 13, 2008)

Supergirl said:


> She is going to be a sad and lonely old woman unless she changes her ways.  *It's ironic that all the ugly words she uses to describe how black people look on the outside are the same words that describe her insides.*


 
Thank You! She made a fool of herself all on her own and her conscience will eat her up in the end.


----------



## Tarae (Jul 13, 2008)

Wow, what a disgusting, miserable woman.  She needs prayer (or a swift kick somewhere).  It's sad that she can be so hateful.

I'm glad you have an SO who supports you and stands up for you.


----------



## LongCurlyLocks (Jul 13, 2008)

Crissi said:


> I guess she forgets dominican/hispanic is not a race but an nationality/ethnicity...and i guess she forgets all that negro blood laced in her lineage/DNA. Ughh! And the cheek to take it out on the child/children? Man that would have been the moment i would have lost it...


 

That's what I was going to say....Mostly all South American and Central American people-except maybe the Indians from that part of the world-are mixed with Black/African. She should do some research and she'll find out that Africans were dropped off in that region before hitting the U.S. So yeah, she needs to hate herself too because she's at least a little Af-Am. And if she has a problem with it she should fault her ancestors!


----------



## dm81 (Jul 13, 2008)

That's sad, because I'm sure that there are Black people in that family...even though Dominicans have so many categories over there...but I'm sure they have family members Alek Wek's color.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

LongCurlyLocks said:


> That's what I was going to say....Mostly all South American and Central American people-except maybe the Indians from that part of the world-are mixed with Black/African. She should do some research and she'll find out that Africans were dropped off in that region before hitting the U.S. So yeah, she needs to hate herself too because she's at least a little Af-Am. And if she has a problem with it she should fault her ancestors!


 
She's more than a little Black, her father is half hatian, and he looks black, she's just in denial. 

It's crazy b/c his great grandmother refused to have anything to do with her grand kids b/c she didn't want her daughter (my SO's grandmother) dating a dark skinned dominican...but eventually she gave in (my guess after she saw that the kids were light skinned with "good hair") and they started spending Summers at her house. She probably learned that crap from her, b/c my SO's grandmother is soo sweet, she damn sure didn't raise her kids to think that way


----------



## CheLala13 (Jul 13, 2008)

Uhm, your SO looks GOOD! You say he has a brother...oh wait, he hates blacks too huh? damn...


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

msde13 said:


> Also...you have very pretty hair...I LOVE IT!!!!


 
 Thanks Ms.D





HoneyA said:


> So, *he's definately a keeper!!!!*


 
uh huh! My advice, with a guy this fine forget the drama, move to another state where you and your children will never have to see your MIL.[/quote]


aloof one said:


>





Crissi said:


> I know right! He looks so good...





SoAnxious12 said:


> op why is your future hubby so well HOT!!!!!!!!!! DOn't let his mother stand in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 

 I know that's right!!!!


----------



## Eligonma (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm sooo sorry that you had to go through all that. I've been a lurker for a long time, but I had to post something this time. I'm dominican and I'm not going to defend anyone, because I know that many dominicans can be veeeery ignorant in this subject. I can't go to just any dominican salon because in many of them they just want to relax my hair. My point is that although many dominicans can be racist(I don't know why because 90% of us are mixed with BLACK, therefore we are BLACK) not all of us are like that. It is just sad that so many of us are so ignorant.


----------



## girlyprincess23 (Jul 13, 2008)

that is horrible to say that...especially in front of a baby who doesn't understand her beauty and the words of a psychopath can have damaging effects. I mean girl you're better tan me. I would have been very passive agressive throwing supplies in bags like come on baby we aint gotta listen to this ignorance while we do your GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL LUSTUROUS and all that hair!!! But I agree on not fighting , you cant be fighting your husbands momma no matter how ignorant she is...i have sort of that situation with certain people in my SO's family but that just lowers you to their level. But also in respect for you your SO and anybody else not racist should entertain the idea of telling her that until she modifies her behavior and gives you some respect he won't be talking or interacting with her. That's what I would push for!!


----------



## Simply_Kelz (Jul 13, 2008)

SoAnxious12 said:


> *completely o/t but nazarite27... why is your son soooooo friggin HANDSOME (sexy)! *
> 
> I don't think his hating mother is any reason to leave the man... he clearly has a different pov on things.


 
I was just thinking that .. both of them .. I wonder how old they are..


----------



## Simply_Kelz (Jul 13, 2008)

Nazarite27 said:


> 20 and 17.


 
..  ..


----------



## vevster (Jul 13, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Ok, so I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 years. When we initially started dating, his Dominican family didn't like me, but I just chalked it up to them not wanting him to get too serious too fast (which was completely understandable).
> 
> It never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR
> 
> ...


Good luck w/ your marriage. I don't know what is worse this lady or the voodoo lady.


----------



## Hair Iam (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear this,...hope you can deal with this long term...This is where God's grace would have to pour down on me  ..This is what happens when people have self hate ..that I'm dark your light ...who has more white blood  in them prejudice is quite apparent. Unless your  Blue blood European ,Full Oriental , Full East Indian ,full North American Indian ...then more than like you have African blood somewhere in you


----------



## nicey (Jul 13, 2008)

mshottienelson said:


> I totally agree.... Im so sorry you had to experience that. And the poor little girl. I hope her daddy let her HAVE it. You know it's funny, our hair may not be the best to some but I think we have the coolest hair, we have so many options and when properly cared for it is BEAUTIFUL!!! I wouldn't fault you if you decided to keep any children you and SO may have away from her.. *all you CAN do is PRAY for this woman b/c she needs that more than anything.*






True that!


----------



## mistee11 (Jul 13, 2008)

Crissi said:


> I guess she forgets dominican/hispanic is not a race but an nationality/ethnicity...and i guess she forgets all that negro blood laced in her lineage/DNA. Ughh! And the cheek to take it out on the child/children? Man that would have been the moment i would have lost it...


 
It seems to me that she is just perpetuating a well known attitude that exists amongst many Latino/Dominican/Mexican/Carribean and even some African women that they are superior to African-American women.  Dominican women have been taught to believe that to be Black is dirty and an abomination (stemming from slavery, of course).  Dark Black women were treated like dirt and were subject to the worst life possible while fair skinned black women were able to live a less miserable existence by serving their masters as house and nurse maids.  Women like her have a deep seated hatred toward their own ancestry because they choose to be ignorant rather than know the truth.  I agree with you Crissi.  I must say that Ladykaypnc handled the situation with such restraint and finesse.  God Bless you.  The best thing that you could do in a situation like this is to distance yourself from this negativity and just pray for her and others like her.


----------



## pringe (Jul 13, 2008)

Girl don't u worry about her. Enjoy the rest of ur new family, don't waste time on someone who will never see it the way u do, enjoy ur fiancee and move on. Continue to embrace ur beautiful hair--cause it is sooo beautiful, girl i watch ur videos lol and try to not let it get to u cause some people r just ignorant


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

girlyprincess23 said:


> that is horrible to say that...especially in front of a baby who doesn't understand her beauty and the words of a psychopath can have damaging effects. I mean girl you're better tan me. I would have been very passive agressive throwing supplies in bags like come on baby we aint gotta listen to this ignorance while we do your GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL LUSTUROUS and all that hair!!! But I agree on not fighting , you cant be fighting your husbands momma no matter how ignorant she is...i have sort of that situation with certain people in my SO's family but that just lowers you to their level. But also in respect for you your SO and anybody else not racist should entertain the idea of telling her that until she modifies her behavior and gives you some respect he won't be talking or interacting with her. That's what I would push for!!


 
I'm right with you, as soon as she started pointedly picking on Winnie, I grabbed everything and finished her hair outside


----------



## Eisani (Jul 13, 2008)

Much props to you, shame on her.  As if lil black and brown girls don't have enough to contend with...you should always at least feel comfortable in the homes of your family.  I understand your restraint out of respect to your SO and the fact that she is older, but it would've been so difficult for me!  She sounds like she was thirsty for a big tall glass of Slapaho flavored Kool-Aid


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 13, 2008)

Eisani said:


> Much props to you, shame on her. As if lil black and brown girls don't have enough to contend with...you should always at least feel comfortable in the homes of your family. I understand your restraint out of respect to your SO and the fact that she is older, but it would've been so difficult for me! *She sounds like she was thirsty for a big tall glass of Slapaho flavored Kool-Aid*


----------



## kblc06 (Jul 13, 2008)

Nazarite27 said:


> 20 and 17.



I was about to ask how old was your eldest. Does he have a girlfriend? I'm 20 as well

But back OT:

This woman is despicable to have said that in front such a young child.  And people say (in our most recent dark/light threads) colorism doesn't affect people as much as it use to .  I often wonder just how people can hate themselves so much


----------



## IWantBSl09 (Jul 14, 2008)

As Chris Rock once said "Who ever you don't like will end up in your family, if you don't like gay people, you gonna have a gay son/daughter, you don't black people...guess what? your son/daughter gonna bring home a black wife/husband"

BTW: Your SO is F-I-N-E!!!! Damn, I swore after my last pr bf I wouldn't date a latin man again (bc of how latin people can be towards darskinned blacks) but damn your SO is making me re-open the possibilities....lol


----------



## LilBrownied (Jul 14, 2008)

I'm steaming for you, too. 

Your SO's mother is simply ignorant. I believe the Dominican nation, and most Caribbean nations in general, have issues with blackness. There are plenty of blacks in the DR and its part of their identity, so you can just pity her self-hatred. 

I don't mean to mess up your engagement, but if I were you I would stay away from that man and his dumb family. But that's only me, because I hold grudges. Bless that poor little girl who has to deal with hatred from her own family. It really breaks my heart.

Plus, I applaud you for not cursing the hell out of her, but may be you should speak your mind.


----------



## *Muffin* (Jul 14, 2008)

It's been said before, but I'm going to say it again: Some people are just too ignorant for words .  They are so brainwashed by what they hear other racists say about people and the images that they see on the television that they can't even decide for themselves what is beautiful and what is not.  The funny thing is that she finds black people attractive enough to date but not attractive enough to marry and breed with. I know she's your mother-in-law and everything, but you aren't marrying HER. Your only obligation is to her son, and my philosophy is that if a person is nothing but negative and disrespectful to me, then they don't have any place in my life. Life is far too short to waste time being unhappy because someone else doesn't think that your good enough.  As long as you and your man think you're good enough, then that's all that matters .


----------



## cocoberry10 (Jul 14, 2008)

I'm sorry about this. As the OP and many others are aware, Dominicans (and many other Latinos) have the same colorism and hair issues that exist in the Black community.

Specifically Dominicans, b/c many of them are considered the more "Black" Latinos than other Latino groups (i.e. Puerto Ricans and South Americans). Although this isn't true (since there are Blacks in all Latin American countries), the stigma has caused some (many) Dominicans to carry this hatred. Not all behave this way, but it's an unfortunate reality that some (just like some Blacks) have these issues!

OP, what will you do when you have children?


----------



## aloof one (Jul 14, 2008)

Eisani said:


> Much props to you, shame on her.  As if lil black and brown girls don't have enough to contend with...you should always at least feel comfortable in the homes of your family.  I understand your restraint out of respect to your SO and the fact that she is older, but it would've been so difficult for me!  *She sounds like she was thirsty for a big tall glass of Slapaho flavored Kool-Aid*



http://youtube.com/watch?v=VdZ2eNgT7bs


----------



## it_comes_naturally (Jul 14, 2008)

Gurl, I don't know how you stayed calm.  I'm glad you did but I know I would have clicked!  My SO couldn't have said enough to get my point across.

The dominicans I've seen looked like _us_ and so did their hair.


----------



## Magus484 (Jul 14, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Not only will she not be allowed around my kids, she isn't even invited to the Wedding (my SO's decision...he is angrier than me)




How did you two even meet? Is he going to cut her off?


----------



## Christa438 (Jul 14, 2008)

Im angry just reading this but I do realize your future MIL isn't the only one who thinks like that...You handled yourself well OP, Im impressed and surprised lol; but she was extremely rude, nasty & all out disrespectful and I would have had to check her even if that was my SO's mama because she shouldn't feel that she can always treat you any way and talk to you any way. I wouldn't curse her out out of respect for my SO but still I would've had to speak my mind that day. That's too much.

[LOL Im laughing now because I know if it were me in your shoes and I went to my mama and told her that story, the first thing out her mouth would be " What?  And what did you say?"  ]


----------



## applebananas (Jul 14, 2008)

wtf?! I'm trulely DISGUSTED by what I just read! how could you say such horrific things to a child?! i mean really...i hope that child's mother tears that mentally enslaved rotten brain troll a new one! LadyKaypnyc, i don't see how you did it..if that was me she would have gotten her face kicked in..that btch would not have been able to spew that type of garbage ever again!

poor lil' mama..that will probably stick with her for the rest of her life.


----------



## lawdiva (Jul 14, 2008)

I would have been arrested for a very, very, very long time .................. a very very long time. My blood boils just hearing that.


----------



## ebzonix (Jul 14, 2008)

Wow, this is terrible. Glad you kept it in, out of respect, till you got here.


----------



## FlowerHair (Jul 14, 2008)

I suggest you cut your MIL out of your life...she's nothing but poison!

Please affirm to the little girl that she is beautiful...let her mother know what happened. 

Some Dominicans are serious victims of colorism... erplexed


----------



## changedlife (Jul 14, 2008)

Oh God! That woman is so ignorant.  Sorry that happened to you 
 Figure out how to live with that if she is goingi to your ILM.


----------



## JerriBlank (Jul 14, 2008)

You held it down,your man had your back...that speaks volumes

Don't let that man get away cause of his bitter a$$ mammy...


and those two dudes in that siggy are,as is your so


----------



## ladylibra (Jul 14, 2008)

dang, i thought my grandma was bad with her color issues... this takes the cake... 

i'm so sorry you had to go thru that babe.  the woman clearly has very deep-seated issues...


----------



## discodumpling (Jul 14, 2008)

I’m so sorry for your situation Op. This is why I raise my black boys to be just a bit OVER confident. Can’t nobody tell them they are not the most handsome, the smartest, the sweetest things on earth. 
Toxic family members don’t get the* privilege* of hanging out with my kids…


----------



## ImFree27 (Jul 14, 2008)

she is so sad, i thought domincians and mexicans like black people... he racis [email protected]@ I would not be around her, makes no sense for you take it and your finance should understand, you aint marrying her anyway F her, she aint nothing but negative energy, I dont think her problem is with black people, but herself, she dont like herself


----------



## onejamifan (Jul 14, 2008)

Wow! I just finished reading this entire thread and I am so sorry this happpened. I am sorry for you LadyKapypnyc, but also to that poor 4 year old girl. If exposed to this toxic woman, she will grow up with complexes about her hair and looks, and that is unacceptable...

I'm worried about the future of your relationship with your now fiancee (congrats by the way). This woman's dislike of you just because of the shade of your skin or the texture of your hair will not go away and will translate to her treatment of your children. My fear is that her poison will creat problems in your relationship. In this particular situation, you showed restraint and fortitude, but you will not always be so calm, and things might escalte and get ugly. So good luck to you...

On another note, the Domincan mentality is an unfortunate one. There is a saying that every Domincan has "black behind the ears", no matter how white they are. Basically, it translates to every Domincan person has black blood in them or is related to someone who is black. Ironically, there is a mentality that the lighter skinned you are, the better you are. Period. I know not everyone feels that way, but many people do. This goes back to the War of Independence and a whole lot of historic stuff, but unfortunately, they've never managed to move on from that. The sad thing is that the majority of the Domincan population is NOT white, yet they won't accept their reality...

So again, I'm so sorry this happened to you and I do wish you and your fiancee the best. Good luck with this and I hope that child won't be scarred for life from her aunt's ignorance.


----------



## Nazarite27 (Jul 14, 2008)

Crissi said:


> You've started something i'm 19...lol


----------



## Nazarite27 (Jul 14, 2008)

SoAnxious12 said:


> 20 and 17 huh? hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... i'm 19! Im just sayin whichever one of them happens to be single... just putting my bid out there....


----------



## Nazarite27 (Jul 14, 2008)

Arcadian said:


> I congradulate you for not putting your foot in her ass. There's not many that would have showed that kind of restraint.
> 
> -A


 
For real!! I felt like putting my foot in her ass just READING the topic!


----------



## Menina Preta (Jul 14, 2008)

onejamifan said:


> On another note, the Domincan mentality is an unfortunate one. There is a saying that every Domincan has "black behind the ears", no matter how white they are. Basically, it translates to every Domincan person has black blood in them or is related to someone who is black. Ironically, there is a mentality that the lighter skinned you are, the better you are. Period. I know not everyone feels that way, but many people do. This goes back to the War of Independence and a whole lot of historic stuff, but unfortunately, they've never managed to move on from that. The sad thing is that the majority of the Domincan population is NOT white, yet they won't accept their reality...
> 
> So again, I'm so sorry this happened to you and I do wish you and your fiancee the best. Good luck with this and I hope that child won't be scarred for life from her aunt's ignorance.



Very very true...I live in NYC and grew up here.  There's a huge Dominican population and a lot of them will say things like "I'm not Black, I'm Dominican" when they're darker than me and use the same relaxer I do, LOL.

To the OP, it's very unfortunate that this woman is so racist and so self-hating.  However, I wouldn't leave your fiance, just b/c of her, esp. since he realizes how messed up she is in the head.


----------



## girlyprincess23 (Jul 14, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> She already is, her Boyfriend of 7 years left her after she refused to have a baby with him b/c of his naps, his little brother's father left her b/c of the "That's not my baby....he's too dark" comment she made to the nurse when he was born...
> 
> It's crazy b/c I knew of all these things beforehand, but since I never witnessed it I thought they were exaggerating....
> 
> The fact that he moved out at 16 b/c he didn't want to be around his own mother should have told me something, but I didn't know she could be this


 

R U SERIOUS!!!!!!!!! her own baby???? Maybe everybody shouldn't leave her I know that makes you mad but like someone said she is SUFFERING...i don't think she is really racist...a true racist would kill theirselves before laying down with someone they were racist against I think everyone should band together, take the high road, and force her into some counseling and just let whatever her demons are saying (b/c i'm sure that's not her) roll right off your back...i know it's easier said than done but just say it's the demons talking!!! Counseling would prolly do some good!!


----------



## Priss Pot (Jul 14, 2008)

That woman is ridiculous.


----------



## Kiki82 (Jul 14, 2008)

THIS IS SO SAD TO READ....MY HEART IS BREAKING... I think that you handled yourself very well...

I just can't believe she said all that with a 4 year old child present!!.... what a crazy lady!!

kiki82


----------



## berry87 (Jul 14, 2008)

Oh No! Very Sad! I'm sorry OP


----------



## AngelDoll (Jul 14, 2008)

OMG, I can't believe this happened. I feel sorry for you, your fiance', and your niece; I feel even worse for your soon to be mother in law. It is so sad that she thinks the way she does. She will probably never change her opinions, regardless to what anybody tells her.

You handled yourself appropriately with her. You all will be in my prayers.


----------



## LaPetiteCoquette (Jul 14, 2008)

belletifi08 said:


> Very very true...I live in NYC and grew up here.  There's a huge Dominican population and a lot of them will say things like "I'm not Black, I'm Dominican" when they're darker than me and use the same relaxer I do, LOL.
> 
> To the OP, it's very unfortunate that this woman is so racist and so self-hating.  However, I wouldn't leave your fiance, just b/c of her, esp. since he realizes how messed up she is in the head.



Exactly.  DOMINICANS ARE AFRICAN.  Case closed.  They can read a history book to figure it out.  It's not that hard.  Africans were dumped in many places in the Americas -- including our country, the Carribbean, Latin and South America.  They may have been mixed up more than the American slave, and they have a diff. culture, but they are African too.  And honestly, that is why they are so adamant about it.  It is an extreme case of self hate.  And it's sad.  It's not just Domicans though, most tinted people have these issues.  Vestiges of colonialism and slavery ...


----------



## SmartyPants (Jul 14, 2008)

I've already posted that the OP is going to need a bail fund if she marries into this family.  However, I do want to make sure we don't go too far in demonizing Dominicans.  I grew up in New Orleans.  Not a Dominican in sight.  We have these same attitudes from our Creole population.

Ignorance and self-hatred knows no nationalistic boundaries.  This is yet another unfortunate side-effect of the enslavement of our ancestors.


----------



## audacity. (Jul 14, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> Ok, so I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 years. When we initially started dating, his Dominican family didn't like me, but I just chalked it up to them not wanting him to get too serious too fast (which was completely understandable).
> 
> It never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR
> 
> ...


 

WOW!


----------



## gmw (Jul 14, 2008)

SUZIEq said:


> Very disturbing indeed!!erplexed That situation would make me seriously rethink wanting to be a part of that family.


 
Clearly you are in love and things between you and your SO are great. 

But that woman right there! SMDH....See that incites disrespect towards elders.... and to begin like that.... Sis you are great to make an effort towards her at all..... I would not do it ....

She would never even know I was pregnant.... that is ridiculous.....


----------



## gmw (Jul 14, 2008)

SmartyPants said:


> When you marry her son, you might as well have a bail fund ready. You will have to kick her ass at least once!


 

HELLO!!!!!


----------



## gmw (Jul 14, 2008)

vevster said:


> Good luck w/ your marriage. I don't know what is worse this lady or the voodoo lady.


 
What voodoo lady? erplexed


----------



## Makenzie (Jul 14, 2008)

gmw said:


> What voodoo lady? erplexed


 

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=255687


----------



## d-rock (Jul 14, 2008)

Wow what a poor ignorant fool she is... i'm not even gonna get started cause i'll go off...


----------



## LiberianGirl (Jul 14, 2008)

Lady, you handled yourself beautifully. I wish you and your SO the best of luck. Keep us posted on the wedding details...some of us are living vicariously through others


----------



## lovedone_24 (Jul 14, 2008)

This woman is suffering from a deep sense a self-hatred. I only pray the child did not internalize her ranting.


----------



## d-rock (Jul 14, 2008)

LaPetiteCoquette said:


> Exactly.  *DOMINICANS ARE AFRICA*N.  Case closed.  They can read a history book to figure it out.  It's not that hard.  Africans were dumped in many places in the Americas -- including our country, the Carribbean, Latin and South America.  They may have been mixed up more than the American slave, and they have a diff. culture, but they are African too.  And honestly, that is why they are so adamant about it.*  It is an extreme case of self hate*.  And it's sad.  It's not just Domicans though, most tinted people have these issues.  Vestiges of colonialism and slavery ...



Hell yeah and I would have broken it down for her stupid @$$ that she may think darker equals ugly, but the standard of beauty in the West thinks she's ugly too. Dominicans need to remember they are muts just like the rest of us; mixed with whatever indigenous tribes were living there before the whites invaded, East European, South Asian, and African. 

I wrote about self-hate and erased it when I saw you already covered it. I agree with you 110%. She's in denial.


----------



## Lebiya (Jul 14, 2008)

Seriously good luck to you! 

I just hope this lunatic wont EVER have kids by a black man, and good thing she doesn’t want any either. I see TOOO many women who have such issues but purposely SEEK OUT dark skinned 'nappy' head mates then complain if they have dark-skinned 'nappy' head kids who resemble their father. 

I wouldn’t spend my time trying to ’convince’ or school her of anything. As she approaches seniorhood all alone, she will realize the time she wasted on earth. I’d just try to live my life happy and contended, my kids clear out of her reach. I haope this craziness didnt come from her father.


----------



## d-rock (Jul 14, 2008)

LadyKaypnyc said:


> No, her aunt has type 2 something hair, the Winnie (4 year old) has 3c/4a hair that's longer than mine! Her hair was past shoulders with shrinkage!




My goddaughter has type 3 hair (she's black/asian) and I wouldn't let anyone put even a texturizer in that hair type, it's already semi-straight. That's the hair type you can still comb when it's wet. I hope you and your future husband have a wonderful life together with many beautiful children of your own, don't let one ugly person ruin it for you.


----------



## Cinda2503 (Jul 14, 2008)

Lebiya said:


> Seriously good luck to you!
> 
> I just hope this lunatic wont EVER have kids by a black man, and good thing she doesn’t want any either. I see *TOOO many women who have such issues but purposely SEEK OUT dark skinned 'nappy' head mates then complain if they have dark-skinned 'nappy' head kids who resemble their father. *
> 
> I wouldn’t spend my time trying to ’convince’ or school her of anything. As she approaches seniorhood all alone, she will realize the time she wasted on earth. I’d just try to live my life happy and contended, my kids clear out of her reach. I haope this craziness didnt come from her father.


 
Law of attraction = That which you give your attention to - expands!!!


----------



## starfish79 (Jul 14, 2008)

Neith said:


> I wouldn't have anything to do with her.
> 
> *She would never come around my kids, light or dark*




EXACTLY...she wouldn't be poisoning their minds with her garbage.


----------



## Guapa1 (Jul 14, 2008)

NewYorkgyrl said:


> I don't understand how the "boyrfriends" even got with her in the first place.  How the heck did he stay with her for 7 years and put up with her negative attitudes towards black people and he is black himself. I am dumbfounded by that one erplexed
> 
> The boyfriend that left her after the "not my  baby" comment....what should I say about that one? Now he should have known that she was like that before he slept with her and made a baby.  Why did he wait until after the baby was born to leave her as a single parent when he probably knew her character before all this.  Please don't tell me that father is black too...because then I would really be dumbfounded.
> 
> ...



Hmmm, some men are just as self hating!
OP, well done for the restraint and congrats on you and your fine man tying the knot!


----------



## JustKiya (Jul 14, 2008)

Guapa1 said:


> *Hmmm, some men are just as self hating!*
> OP, well done for the restraint and congrats on you and your fine man tying the knot!


Indeed - they were most likely _over the moon_ at having a light/bright/damnearwhite woman on their arm, the fact that she HATED their skin faded into the haze of their own color issues.


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 14, 2008)

JustKiya said:


> Indeed - they were most likely _over the moon_ at having a light/bright/damnearwhite woman on their arm, the fact that she HATED their skin faded into the haze of their own color issues.


 

You stated exactly what I was thinking!


----------



## Dearlove (Jul 14, 2008)

Bless you and your fiance.  Keep his mother in prayer.  After seventeen years of a similar situation, I can declare that I have won the hair wars!


----------



## aquajoyice (Jul 14, 2008)

What really amazes me about people that comment on "Black Hair" Is the fact that "Black People" aren't the only ones with kinky hair. You can go to any race and find someone with "nappy" hair. 

And you know what I always say to people that dislike anything about OUR Culture is if you hate black people you hate yourself, cause at one point we were all "Black". 

And the best things on earth came from Color,


----------



## RedVelvet310 (Jul 14, 2008)

wow  that's sad. what i find interesting though is that while all you ladies are using the dominicans as scapegoats... the reality is that most if not ALL non-european cultures have some kind of inferiority complex when it comes to the colour of their skin and 'facial features'. I see it is East Asian culture, South Asian culture, Middle Eastern culture... African culture... African American culture.. Latin American culture etc etc etc.  It's a sad epidemic.


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 14, 2008)

Bri505 said:


> wow  that's sad. what i find interesting though is that *while all you ladies are using the dominicans as scapegoats*... the reality is that most if not ALL non-european cultures have some kind of inferiority complex when it comes to the colour of their skin and 'facial features'. I see it is East Asian culture, South Asian culture, Middle Eastern culture... African culture... African American culture.. Latin American culture etc etc etc. It's a sad epidemic.


 

  NO ONE is using them as scapegoats. *NO ONE in this thread said that they are the only ones*. NO ONE.  If anything many women have stated what you said above.  Please re-read the previous posts.

Dominicans are being used as an example in THIS thread because of the situation that was presented by the original poster.  If you read the threads on the off topic forum many of the ladies have brought up topics that concern colorism in many difffernt ethnic groups - including our own.  And I am sure that 99.9% of us do not think that Dominicans are the only ones with this complex


----------



## Pheonixx (Jul 14, 2008)

I was just getting ready to concur with BRI.

1. 
Ah well...I wouldn't rush to judge the Dominicans too harshly. All ppl of color are victims of white supremacy and inferiority complexes.

In any case, I've met plenty who were proud to acknowledge the black portion of their heritage...
Even had a cuban girl tell me that Cubans were more black and native indian than Spaniard. Told me that the spaniard blood was 'watered down'...

They're not as culturally backwards as some on this thread would suggest.
And the ones who are..?  Eh...they're just like black folks with the 'good hair; bad hair' bit. The only difference is we're starting to come out of our haze (slowly but surely).

All the same, 'we' (that is--black folks, the monolith) ain't even got our sh*t together.  Doesn't make sense to judge ppl who are dealing with the same issues we are.

But, different ppl have different ways of looking at things....

2.  
Someone mentioned having issues with their man's Mexican mother. Well--that's not surprising. You should expect that attitude from Mexicans.  For starters, they ain't no parts black. Secondly half of them don't even care for black folks (especially some of those California Mexicans)...

...though they will mix with us. 
I'm telling you. These mexicans down here (in san antonio) usually be all up IN a sista's face.  Afraid to approach though...

3.
I can't believe that woman said that in front of that baby.  Good thing her daddy was there...

4. 
Thank God I never went through issue with my spanish exes. (puerto rican, cuban, dominican,).  Their mothers loved me...



OH yeah Forgot to add something:

The leading scientific theories to date tell us that
                1.  Modern man came from Africa and spread out to people the globe in several movements.
                2.  Climate and mutations changed appearances 
                3.  All people share a common African ancestor 
                4.  White skin, blue/green/hazel eyes and red/blonde hair are mutations...
Sound racist but it isn't. Go on and do a google search if you think I'm bs-in--and see how many reputable sources you can find to support my claims. There are 2 separate genes to account for Asian and White skin tones. Red and Blonde hair/Blue eyes came about because of sexual selection with the cavemen. 
And it's been thought that the Europeans interbred with the Neanderthals...though there is no evidence for it yet.
Well they did find a skull that was somewhat suspect...

>>pause<<  
See?  And YOU thought I was lying... 

But there is no need to use your newfound knowledge to discriminate.  
White ppl are just like you and me, only---not...really.  
But see, that's OKAY. 
They're like X-Men, when you think about it.
(Minus the cool powers...)

(lol)
Anywho--
...it's a little pointless to discuss who and what is 'black' when technically RACE (as we know it) doesn't even exist...
Race is a new invention in history. It's just a construct.
'Black' is a construct. 'White' is a construct. The 'Pure Aryan White Race' myth that these skinhead nuts spew...is a construct.  
A construct within a construct, actually.

But let's pretend that race DOES exist for the sake of the conversation...
I'm not a 'one-drop theorist' so I don't understand how all Dominicans became African. 
Y'know...I can understand why some spanish folks can't stand dealing with black folks.  The chief complaint is that black folks are always trying to claim mf's. Call everyone with a hint of blackness 'black'. 
This is true.
Dominicans have 'black blood' (to varying degrees). I acknowledge this. They do as well. But they ain't black. Just as PR's, Brazillians and Cubans, etc...ain't black.
I love spanish folks to death. I often joke that some are spanish speaking black folks! But beyond the joking I recognize that these ppl are culturally and ethnically distinct from black folks...so let them have their own culture. 
...and the Tainos had a culture before black slaves and the spaniards ever came to their islands.

Anyway if we define as black anyone that comes from Africa we should know that there are races of black individuals who are not 'ethnically' African...


----------



## RedVelvet310 (Jul 14, 2008)

NewYorkgyrl said:


> NO ONE is using them as scapegoats: the only type of people to have this complex. *NO ONE in this thread said that they are the only ones*. NO ONE. If anything many women have stated what you said above. Please re-read the previous posts.
> 
> Dominicans are being used as an example in THIS thread because of the situation that was presented by the original poster. If you read the threads on the off topic forum many of the ladies have brought up topics that concern colorism in many difffernt ethnic groups - including our own. And I am sure that 99.9% of us do not think that Dominicans are the only ones with this complex


 
Agreed... maybe using the word "all" was a little too strong... and while I was writing that I swore I backspaced that a put something else.. guess not.  And yah I have read the entire thread I spend a good hour reading AND REreading what was written.  I'm also not assuming that lhcf ladies think that Dominicans are the only demographic that suffers from colorism (common now... i know we're smarter than THAT)... it just sucks to see us... as... hm whats the word... 'ethnic' women.. women of colour putting each other down because of the colour of our skin... when .. IMO women of colour (meaning tanned latinas.. east asians.. south asians.. africans) are the most beautiful women in the world (note: in my opinion lol).. we hate ourselves and try to look "whiter" or more european while european women are are injecting collagen in their lips... silicone in their butts and breasts... toasting under tanning booths to look more like US. It krayyy-zeee!!!


----------



## Rapunzel* (Jul 14, 2008)

im sorry you had to go through this


----------



## AtlantaJJ (Jul 14, 2008)

I haven't read any of the comments but off the top she sounds just like a hate filled drunk. Only a drunk person would spew hate out of her mouth like that directly to you and in front of everyone. She is a sad excuse of a human and I am sure her family including your SO was deeply embarassed by her.  I hope the little girl is okay and is not scared for  life by this hatefilled woman.  She needs prayer and sounds like an intervention.


----------



## NewYorkgyrl (Jul 14, 2008)

Bri505 said:


> Agreed... maybe using the word "all" was a little too strong... and while I was writing that I swore I backspaced that a put something else.. guess not. And yah I have read the entire thread I spend a good hour reading AND REreading what was written. I'm also not assuming that lhcf ladies think that Dominicans are the only demographic that suffers from colorism (common now... i know we're smarter than THAT)... it just sucks to see us... as... hm whats the word... 'ethnic' women.. women of colour putting each other down because of the colour of our skin... when .. IMO women of colour (meaning tanned latinas.. east asians.. south asians.. africans) are the most beautiful women in the world (note: in my opinion lol).. we hate ourselves and try to look "whiter" or more european while european women are are injecting collagen in their lips... silicone in their butts and breasts... toasting under tanning booths to look more like US. It krayyy-zeee!!!


 

Yeah I hate to see it too.  But sometimes there are certain situations that can just make a person's blood boil. 
I think one person's experience with colorism may differ from anothers based on where they live (the state) and their community.
Some people might live around a lot of black americans that act this way. Or it might be West Indians, or Dominicans, or Indians.  You are right about that.


----------



## RedVelvet310 (Jul 14, 2008)

NewYorkgyrl said:


> Yeah I hate to see it too. But sometimes there are certain situations that can just make a person's blood boil.
> I think one person's experience with colorism may differ from anothers based on where they live (the state) and their community.
> Some people might live around a lot of black americans that act this way. Or it might be West Indians, or Dominicans, or Indians. You are right about that.


 
Most definately! This thread actually shocked me.  I used to think that of all the minority cultures Latin America would not have so many issues with 'black people/dark skin' because many of them have african lineage. When I read the OPs post and other posters' experiences with their former SO's in my head I was like wow.. I obviously know this is not a sickness that all Latinos share.... but it was still shocking to me.  

Idea (and kinda off topic): Does anyone else think that LHCF should have a separate discussion forum regarding colorism within ethnic communities? It seems as if only African Americans have somewhat accepted the fact that we as black people suffer from colorism and self hate... and while we try and move mountains to change that... we need to realize that this issue is not only black/white... its black/brown/red/yellow/purple .... its so frustrating hearing my friends (who are of south asian...east asian and middle eastern descent) degrade their own people based on the colour of their skin. AHH  will the hate ever end


----------



## Enchantmt (Jul 14, 2008)

Bri505 said:


> Idea (and kinda off topic): Does anyone else think that LHCF should have a separate discussion forum regarding colorism within ethnic communities? It seems as if only African Americans have somewhat accepted the fact that we as black people suffer from colorism and self hate... and while we try and move mountains to change that... we need to realize that this issue is not only black/white... its black/brown/red/yellow/purple .... its so frustrating hearing my friends (who are of south asian...east asian and middle eastern descent) degrade their own people based on the colour of their skin. AHH  will the hate ever end




Most of the racial topics get heated and locked rather quickly, and there has been such an over abundance of threads that a lot of folx are burned out on the discussion, and tend to get rather "abrasive" so to speak. You are of course welcome to start a topic,  and if you search the OT forums, you will come across several as well.


----------



## Kawaii1 (Jul 14, 2008)

With regards to the original topic, I would have got in that  ass. She is in line for an ass beating, dumb *****.


----------



## Pheonixx (Jul 14, 2008)

^^^
I'd agree with Enchantment.  

It's a little ridiculous, imo.  Especially when you consider the fact that ppl are getting wound up over what someone said on a message board.  
IT ain't even THAT serious....

Some ppl are overly sensitive.
Some of these ppl are just not equipped for forum talk of any sort. Your point of view is relative to where you're standing--and we all live in different realities.   This goes without saying. 
....point is: When it comes to 'opinions' it could be argued that all perceptions are valid (in a sense) so there's no sense in debate and arguments.  But--you can always spot the 'less-traveled'/unsophisticated person with little to no life experience. They're the ones who don't know how to 'take' individuals who express different perspectives--who speak from a different life experience--without flying off the handle. 

I haven't faced opposition for my views, however.
I just observe the madness from time to time.


----------



## danysedai (Jul 15, 2008)

"Dominicans have 'black blood' (to varying degrees). I acknowledge this. They do as well. But they ain't black. Just as PR's, Brazillians and Cubans, etc...ain't black."

Hi Phoenixx
I'm Cuban, and I'm black, and something else, the taino blood in Cuba is not as present as in Puerto Rico and Dominicana(a very small island, a few aboriginals that were almost exterminated by the Spaniards, today in Cuba you'd have to go to Guantanamo, the most eastern province and see people with "some" amerindian features). 
I agree with most of what you said, but my ancestors were slaves, same as a slave in the US, some white spaniard blood in the mix that makes me a bit light skinned, but I'm black, my dad was black, mom is black, sisters are black.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 15, 2008)

ccmuffingirl said:


> It's been said before, but I'm going to say it again: Some people are just too ignorant for words . They are so brainwashed by what they hear other racists say about people and the images that they see on the television that they can't even decide for themselves what is beautiful and what is not. The funny thing is that she finds black people attractive enough to date but not attractive enough to marry and breed with. I know she's your mother-in-law and everything, but you aren't marrying HER. Your only obligation is to her son, and my philosophy is that if a person is nothing but negative and disrespectful to me, then they don't have any place in my life. Life is far too short to waste time being unhappy because someone else doesn't think that your good enough. As long as you and your man think you're good enough, then that's all that matters .


 
*ITA! I'm not even stressing that woman! I barely see her anyway, I was just trying to make an effort, but I'm done. *

*When I met my SO, he hadn't spoken to his mother in years, they started speaking b/c of me. Now he's ready to burn all bridges again. b/c she just won't quit.* 

*She left a message on his answering machine trying to justify her behavior...She's just disgusting*




rondie54 said:


> How did you two even meet? Is he going to cut her off?


 
His cousin and I went to High School together. She invited me to her sweet sixteen...Girl meets boy (boy is fine!!!), they go on a few dates but didn't really mesh well (we argued too much), after seeing one another at various parties, we decided to be friends (with some benefits )...a year later, we decide to be exclusive.

At the time, he and his mother weren't cool b/c of the way she treated his little brother (I didn't know she was mean to him b/c she was always on her best behavior the few times I did get to meet her). He avoided her for the most part, but when he wanted to see his little brother he would have to interact with her.

I don't want him to stop speaking to his mother, but I sure as hell will have nothing to do with her. He's angry right now, but I don't think he will completely shut her out. She won't be around my kids or at my wedding...etc, but that doesn't mean he can't spend time with her....He does hold grudges though, so IDK



Christa438 said:


> Im angry just reading this but I do realize your future MIL isn't the only one who thinks like that...You handled yourself well OP, Im impressed and surprised lol; but she was extremely rude, nasty & all out disrespectful and I would have had to check her even if that was my SO's mama because she shouldn't feel that she can always treat you any way and talk to you any way. I wouldn't curse her out out of respect for my SO but still I would've had to speak my mind that day. That's too much.
> 
> [LOL Im laughing now because I know if it were me in your shoes and I went to my mama and told her that story, the first thing out her mouth would be " What?  And what did you say?"  ]


 
When I told my mother what happened, the first thing she said was...Where does she live? What's her number?? She is pissed that I didn't tell her off.


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 15, 2008)

Kawaii1 said:


> With regards to the original topic, *I would have got in that ass*. She is in line for an ass beating, dumb *****.


 


I know that's right!


----------



## d-rock (Jul 15, 2008)

ebonybelle said:


> OKAY...i was staring like





SoAnxious12 said:


> completely o/t but nazarite27... why is your son soooooo friggin HANDSOME (sexy)!
> 
> I don't think his hating mother is any reason to leave the man... he clearly has a different pov on things.





Crissi said:


> I know right! Them two handsome dudes just make you wonder...how can you not like blacks? i mean seesh...look how good we look...



Ok so, I'm glad I wasn't the only one staring. I was scrolling down and paused, like "who is that?" Very handsome.


----------



## d-rock (Jul 15, 2008)

onejamifan said:


> Wow! I just finished reading this entire thread and I am so sorry this happpened. I am sorry for you LadyKapypnyc, but also to that poor 4 year old girl. If exposed to this toxic woman, she will grow up with complexes about her hair and looks, and that is unacceptable...
> 
> I'm worried about the future of your relationship with your now fiancee (congrats by the way). This woman's dislike of you just because of the shade of your skin or the texture of your hair will not go away and will translate to her treatment of your children. My fear is that her poison will creat problems in your relationship. In this particular situation, you showed restraint and fortitude, but you will not always be so calm, and things might escalte and get ugly. So good luck to you...
> 
> ...



None of them are "white." Like I said on like the second page, a fraction of every Dominicans' ancestry is non-white (be it from the Natives that were there first, Africans, or an Asian influence, including the real Indians), they're all muts just like the dark skinned people living on the mainland. What's sad is the fact that they've adopted this disdain for pigment and made it a part of their culture. This kind of self-hate was introduced by the whites and for some reason Dominicans and non-white Americans continue to perpetuate such foolishness.


----------



## PeggyFair (Jul 15, 2008)

Lebiya said:


> I hope this craziness didnt come from her father.




I'm thinking that it probably did. If you have a father that looks like a *Steve Harvey*, and he has a daughter that looks White, which means the mother was probably lighter or white, and the daughter acts the way that this woman acts, then he probably passed down his own color complex to her.


----------



## PeggyFair (Jul 15, 2008)

Bri505 said:


> it just sucks to see us... as... hm whats the word... 'ethnic' women.. women of colour putting each other down because of the colour of our skin... when .. IMO women of colour (meaning tanned latinas.. east asians.. south asians.. africans) are the most beautiful women in the world (note: in my opinion lol).. we hate ourselves and try to look "whiter" or more european while european women are are injecting collagen in their lips... silicone in their butts and breasts... toasting under tanning booths to look more like US. It krayyy-zeee!!!



*Ethnic women* have NEVER been united so it is not shocking to see one *ethnic* woman putting down another(in this case a Black American). As a matter of fact, they give White supremacists a run for their money when it comes to discriminating against Blacks...


----------



## girlyprincess23 (Jul 15, 2008)

aquajoyice said:


> What really amazes me about people that comment on "Black Hair" Is the fact that "Black People" aren't the only ones with kinky hair. You can go to any race and find someone with "nappy" hair.
> 
> And you know what I always say to people that dislike anything about OUR Culture is if you hate black people you hate yourself, cause at one point we were all "Black".
> 
> And the best things on earth came from Color,


 
imma go head and second, third, and fourth ALL of that!!!!


----------



## girlyprincess23 (Jul 15, 2008)

JustKiya said:


> Indeed - they were most likely _over the moon_ at having a *light/bright/damnearwhite woman* on their arm, the fact that she HATED their skin faded into the haze of their own color issues.


 

im trying to tell you...i listen to some of this rap music...(rarely mind you but sometimes it slips in there) and all you hear is redbone...redbone....redbone....like wow many AA men/ women have issues they don't even know about!!!! i'm like wow do they see all the beautiful shades we come in and the gorgeousness of all the tones..i'm like GEEZ slavery sure did a number!!! i'm so glad my eyes are open I think almost everyone is beautiful (there are some i'd have to leave out b/c i just don't find them attractive I won't say who) but it's just like woe people are confused..they have it BACKWARDS and that's all imma say!!


----------



## d-rock (Jul 15, 2008)

PeggyFair said:


> **Ethnic women* have NEVER been united* so it is not shocking to see one *ethnic* woman putting down another(in this case a Black American). As a matter of fact, they give White supremacists a run for their money when it comes to discriminating against Blacks...



That's so not true. There was definitely a time when unity was our priority, not materialism and conformity, but those days are gone. Self-hate was a seed planted during slavery, look how it's blossomed into such an ugly weed.


----------



## aloof one (Jul 15, 2008)

seximami said:


> im sorry you had to go through this



OT: OMG your style in your siggy is cute! I think you're doing a wonderful job!


----------



## PeggyFair (Jul 15, 2008)

d-rock said:


> That's so not true. There was definitely a time when unity out weighted materialism and conformity, but those days are gone.



There was never a time when *women of color* or *people of color* were united. There has ALWAYS been animosity among the groups. This is what I was saying in response to Bri's post.


----------



## d-rock (Jul 15, 2008)

> *What really amazes me about people that comment on "Black Hair" Is the fact that "Black People" aren't the only ones with kinky hair. You can go to any race and find someone with "nappy" hair. *



I was thinking about this last night! Especially when I think about the Jewish people I know. They have seriously curly, "kinky" hair. I knew an Irish/Italian girl with hair like mine and I was amazed that she went through the same frustrations with her hair that most of us go through.


----------



## Ganjababy (Jul 15, 2008)

The saddest thing about this is the influence her hateful words will have on the little girls subconscious. I have experienced similiar behaviour from my in-laws and they are Jamaicans AND black. My husbands family are light skinned except for my husband and one of his sisters and they are treated differently by most of the family because of this. They are extremely proud that they are descended from Scottish stock and denies any African blood (they are light, not white). One of his sister commented that her niece (the dark sisters child) was so ugly because she is so black. When my husband was a child his other siblings would tell him that he was so black because their mother had an affair with a black man and he was a bastard (what they call 'jacket'). I am dark skinned and had to endure their ignorant comments many times (I dont see them as often now). It was once suggested that I bleach my skin and wear a wig or hair extension and I would not look so bad after all. My parents are from Jamaica and I was brought up around Jamaicans and never saw this kind of behaviour until I met my in-laws. As a child my parents always thought me to love my blackness and afro hair, so this attitude was a shock. I have never experienced such racism as I did from some of my in-laws. I would often get upset but my husband thought I was too sensitive, but I was not used to such behaviour. He was used to it so he has become immune to it and ignores it. I have tried to talk to them about it but it then turns into a big brouhaha and I am accused of causing strife in their family. They are very ignorant and can't help themselves. We don't have kids, if we did there is no way I would leave my kids alone with them. The good thing for you LadyKaypnyc is that your partner backs you 100%  



LadyKaypnyc said:


> Ok, so I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 years. When we initially started dating, his Dominican family didn't like me, but I just chalked it up to them not wanting him to get too serious too fast (which was completely understandable).
> 
> It never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR
> 
> ...


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 16, 2008)

PeggyFair said:


> I'm thinking that it probably did. If you have a father that looks like a *Steve Harvey*, and he has a daughter that looks White, which means the mother was probably lighter or white, and the daughter acts the way that this woman acts, then he probably passed down his own color complex to her.


 
I think she got it from her Grandmother, her parents are so sweet, they have always been kind to me...genuinely kind. She did spend a lot of time with her maternal grandmother (who didn't want her daughter marrying a Dark skinned dominican).


----------



## LadyKaypnyc (Jul 16, 2008)

Your in laws are horrible! They really should be ashamed of themselves, I'm glad you don't have to see those fools often You need that LHCF Bail money more than me 



evsbaby said:


> The saddest thing about this is the influence her hateful words will have on the little girls subconscious. I have experienced similiar behaviour from my in-laws and they are Jamaicans AND black. My husbands family are light skinned except for my husband and one of his sisters and they are treated differently by most of the family because of this. They are extremely proud that they are descended from Scottish stock and denies any African blood (they are light, not white). One of his sister commented that her niece (the dark sisters child) was so ugly because she is so black. When my husband was a child his other siblings would tell him that he was so black because their mother had an affair with a black man and he was a bastard (what they call 'jacket'). I am dark skinned and had to endure their ignorant comments many times (I dont see them as often now). It was once suggested that I bleach my skin and wear a wig or hair extension and I would not look so bad after all. My parents are from Jamaica and I was brought up around Jamaicans and never saw this kind of behaviour until I met my in-laws. As a child my parents always thought me to love my blackness and afro hair, so this attitude was a shock. I have never experienced such racism as I did from some of my in-laws. I would often get upset but my husband thought I was too sensitive, but I was not used to such behaviour. He was used to it so he has become immune to it and ignores it. I have tried to talk to them about it but it then turns into a big brouhaha and I am accused of causing strife in their family. They are very ignorant and can't help themselves. We don't have kids, if we did there is no way I would leave my kids alone with them. The good thing for you LadyKaypnyc is that your partner backs you 100%


----------



## Mis007 (Aug 18, 2008)

WOW!!!


----------



## Spongie Bloom (Aug 18, 2008)

*that is a terrible situation to be in OP i do hope you wont live near your soon to be MIL when you get married cause remeber when you marry a man you marry his family as well whether we like it or not, GOOD LUCK!!*


----------



## Spongie Bloom (Aug 18, 2008)

d-rock said:


> I was thinking about this last night! Especially when I think about the Jewish people I know. They have seriously curly, "kinky" hair. I knew an Irish/Italian girl with hair like mine and I was amazed that she went through the same frustrations with her hair that most of us go through.


 
*a white British girl i knw who was in my class has VERY kinky hair it is mousy in colour and it is basically a fro it takes her ages to comb and tame it probably wouldnt take her as long if she did her hair like we did but using a 'white girls' brush it takes her ages and it is hella frizzy *


----------



## CurlyMoo (Aug 19, 2008)

Domini's, Ricans and South East Asians (also known as Negritos) are some of the most delusional ignorant people on the face of the earth! These people are apart of the African diaspora and therefore BLACK! 

Black denial


----------



## caligirl (Aug 19, 2008)

wait, don't Dominicans have some African ancestry?


----------



## The Princess (Aug 19, 2008)

How is the 4year old hair? It can't be that bad, the hair is still soft. Im trying to understand why she is putting a relaxer in the hair. Did she try to put some conditioner or some moisturizer on it?


----------



## carameldiva (Aug 20, 2008)

Unbelievable. I am so sorry that you and that poor 4-year old baby had to be subjected to this horrendous woman's callousness and ignorance. I remember about 18 years ago, I dated a young man whose who family was "high yella" as was he and I am brown-skin. They all had fine, curly hair. I recall them (the sister and mom) trying to put a bantu relaxer in my hair in an effort to get it to behave. Ya'll know, no happenings. I was a little miffed but not as angry as I would be now.


----------



## crazydaze911 (Aug 20, 2008)

That is a horrible story, i hope the majority of dominican women dont feel that way b/c they make TONS OF MONEY off of hair like ours.  I was made fun of as a child for my hair and color so i know how that can effect a little girls self esteem. 
I didnt read all the pages in the thread, but i was wondering (sorry if u already answered) how was the little girls hair after you took over.  was the relaxer in long enough to loosen her curl or is her hair ok?


----------



## crazydaze911 (Aug 20, 2008)

caligirl said:


> wait, don't Dominicans have some African ancestry?



Most everyone in the world does in some form, but yes dominicans are normally in the dark category of hispanics. And haiti is right next door to DR so im sure they intermix.


----------



## PretteePlease (Aug 20, 2008)

All I can say is you handled this ***** like a lady.


----------



## softblackcotton (May 16, 2010)

I completely empathize with your little neice. My childhood was filled with adults just like your mother-in-law. My grandmother, my aunts, my cousins, neighbors, family friends, hairdressers, my own mother...it was very rough on the self-esteem of a very dark skin child with 4b hair.


----------



## tdc1978 (May 16, 2010)

I feel really bad for that little girl. I hope that she is never left alone with that little girl again, she might actually go through with it next time.


----------



## motherpopcorn562 (May 16, 2010)

Wtf that is horrible. 

She sounds jealous. her old man prolly cheated on her with a black woman or prefered black women... 
You got to go into that family with the armor of prayer. for real!


----------



## Miss_C (May 16, 2010)

This is so sad! My eyes were welling up as I read this, beacause this could easily become that little girl's first memory, and she will always think she has "bad", ugly hair, and that she is ugly too because of some ridiculous stuff her horrible grandmother had to say. Sadly, alot of people, dominican or otherwise, feel this way.
The good thing is that you can be a support system for her, teaching her to do her own hair and to love herself. Just keep her away from the Dominican salons when she gets older, because the first chance she gets, she'll slap a relaxer in her "bad" hair to satisfy someone else's standards of beauty.


----------



## Vashti (May 16, 2010)

Well OP you handled the situation with class and allowed that woman to show up her own stupid a$$.  Hopefully you can be a positive influence on that little girl's life somehow.

It really amazes me how nasty and hateful people can be when they see Blackness. People really do fear us. I think our very features that make us who we are can really dredge up what is in another person's heart. We really got it like that.


----------



## Tee (May 16, 2010)

I know this thread is old as dirt, but I am wondering if the OP is still with her SO today.

As I read this all I could think was, "You are a good one."


----------



## bajanplums1 (May 16, 2010)

black people have unique hair, hair like wool, we are the only ones who can braid it, weave it, wear it straight or kinky or curly or wavy, dread it, or just shave it off, and look beautiful doing it. Our hair protects the scalp from the sun's heat and UV rays, just as our skin protects us. also, what does your hair look like? what does she say about you? 

i know a lot of Dominicans are racist, just look how they treat the Haitians.  However, being Dominican is not a race, it is a nationality and there are  a mixed race people. She is filled with sadness and self loathing.  She hates black hair, but she loves black DI*K. Please.


----------



## NapfroConsulate (May 16, 2010)

..........


----------



## She-Ra (May 16, 2010)

Oh my goodness! (That grandmother's negativity will definitely be with her when she  visits a shrink in her adulthood.)

Whenever I see elders nurturing self hate in their young  ones' hearts, It makes my heart bleed.  Hope that little kid gets a thick skin  and learn to love her body, hair and skin.


----------



## localhost (May 16, 2010)

OP!! UPDATE! UPDATE!


----------



## VidaStarr (May 16, 2010)

I woulda told her how evil and horrible of a person she was. She is tearing up a little girl's self esteem because of her own ridiculous and racist opinions. Your bf never told his mom anything? OMG girl...


----------



## L.Brown1114 (May 16, 2010)

give her my number, ill set her *** straight.


----------



## beans4reezy (May 16, 2010)

I used to work with a Dominican chick who used to always have something slick to say to me (I'm Haitian). She used to go out of her way to make it seem that Dominicans and Haitians were so incredibly different. In my head I thinking- Ok, you share an Island, to a certain extent a culture (food, music). My grandfather was Dominican, so for me, the similarities outweighed the differences.

Reading this thread put things in perspective for me. I now strongly believe this chick stressed our differences to imply her (Domincans) superiority over me (Haitians). 

Very sad.


----------



## barbie87 (May 16, 2010)

wow I'm dominican and i'm so embarrassed I'm so sorry you had to go through this


----------



## GaiasDaughter24 (May 17, 2010)

Ahhhh!!! This makes me SO angry and somewhat reminds me of my inlaws. My MIL was nice to be but FIL has been a pr*ck since day one. When I met him he looked me up and down and said "What is this and why is it talking to me?" Yeah. I've come to the conclusion that he didn't want DH to be with me beause I'm black. Oh, and he's black too. Ignorant fool. 

Kudos to you for keeping your mouth shut, because I wouldn't have been able to. Please, please, PLEASE sit your SO down and explain to him that your babies will have little to NO contact with that woman. That's a decision my DH and I have had to make after my MIL's (who is white) 2 rants about how terrible black women are IN FRONT OF ME AND MY CHILD!! Yeah, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. That is a NASTY woman. I hope she never sees her niece again. That baby doesn't deserve to be subjected to that EVER.


----------



## RossBoss (May 17, 2010)

GaiasDaughter24 said:


> Ahhhh!!! This makes me SO angry and somewhat reminds me of my inlaws. My MIL was nice to be but FIL has been a pr*ck since day one. When I met him he looked me up and down and said "What is this and why is it talking to me?" Yeah. I've come to the conclusion that he didn't want DH to be with me beause I'm black. Oh, and he's black too. Ignorant fool.
> 
> Kudos to you for keeping your mouth shut, because I wouldn't have been able to. Please, please, PLEASE sit your SO down and explain to him that your babies will have little to NO contact with that woman. That's a decision my DH and I have had to make after my MIL's (who is white) 2 rants about how terrible black women are IN FRONT OF ME AND MY CHILD!! Yeah, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. That is a NASTY woman. I hope she never sees her niece again. That baby doesn't deserve to be subjected to that EVER.




I dated a guy once who had a White mother and Black father. The mother was nice to me but the father felt Black women were beneath his son. It wasn't just me it was any Black girl he brought home. He is now married to a Black woman and has kids, I bet that drove his dad over the edge.


----------



## Muse (May 17, 2010)

GaiasDaughter24 said:


> Ahhhh!!! This makes me SO angry and somewhat reminds me of my inlaws. My MIL was nice to be but FIL has been a pr*ck since day one. When I met him he looked me up and down and said *"What is this and why is it talking to me?" *Yeah. I've come to the conclusion that he didn't want DH to be with me beause I'm black. Oh, and he's black too. Ignorant fool.
> 
> Kudos to you for keeping your mouth shut, because I wouldn't have been able to. Please, please, PLEASE sit your SO down and explain to him that your babies will have little to NO contact with that woman. That's a decision my DH and I have had to make after my MIL's (who is white) 2 rants about how terrible black women are IN FRONT OF ME AND MY CHILD!! Yeah, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. That is a NASTY woman. I hope she never sees her niece again. That baby doesn't deserve to be subjected to that EVER.



Oh no he did not say that to you!!!  That just takes the cake. I have come to expect that talk from white but BLACKS?! It is so sad to see the years of brainwashing from whites in action like this. So sad.


----------



## Kurlee (May 17, 2010)

caligirl said:


> wait, don't Dominicans have some African ancestry?


lots!


----------



## JJamiah (May 17, 2010)

My Mom is Puerto Rican and My Grandma used to make my dad sit outside if he came over and not let my mom out. My mom used to sneak to see my dad all the time. Words my grandma told me when a nice old man was trying to talk to me "no hablos con negro" at least this is what I caught and I was like what, she repeated, telling me not to say hello because the man was black. My mom had just passed away and it saddened me she hadn't changed her ways. She also has told us before not to talk to Dominicans, the prejudice is some kind of UGLY. Personally We bleed red, we breath the same air.  

I love my grandma and continue to pray for her.


----------



## newbiemom (May 17, 2010)

I went thru something similar with my mil our first meeting  was over the phone and she spoke with me briefly and asked me if I spoke Spanish and then where my family was from . When I said JA she said "aye dois mio" I know the fretted that my kids would be dark. I prayed for little black babies just to bother her but to my chagrin it didn't turn out that way. She is very religious and we started to attend church together as a way to try to bond and one day there was a service on racism and how it was against Gods will and she came and apologized and has been better since. Pray on it and it is good that your husband took a stand. My husband made excuses at first and then he had to tell her off.but that was a few yrs ago in the beginning.


----------



## Ivonnovi (May 17, 2010)

Another LINGERING effect of "colonialism".    

I read about 3 lines of this before I realized I've seen this before.      Unfortuanately "we" even have this attitude within our "American Negro" culture.


----------



## beans4reezy (May 17, 2010)

Kurlee said:


> lots!


 
The intensity of the racism that flows amongst the Dominicans- you would think they believed themselves to be strictly a race of Europeans though.erplexed


----------



## LittleLuxe (May 17, 2010)

Wow...I'm so surprised you didn't slug her. On my worst days when my hair's not doing anything I want and I'm SO frustrated by it I feel that way but I usually pick myself up, embrace my beauty and flaws, and find a way to maximize the positive. 

HOW DARE SHE. 

She has no right to talk about your hair, that child's hair or about black people in general. Girl you should have popped out a history book and told her right quick there is NOTHING in her people's history that makes her better than you and if she wants to judge an entire race there is ASSURADLY plenty about her race that other people look down on and sneer at. 

Hair is what grows out of our bodies that we have no control over, but what comes out of our mouths and shows our intelligence...that's where you really can judge a person. 

I'm sorry but as of this point you are no longer required or expected to reach out to this woman. Her son should make it very clear that if she can't say anything nice or stay positive he will end up being less a part of her life because you will become more a part of his. 

Crazy clownola....ugh. I'm so mad for you!!


----------



## darlingdiva (May 17, 2010)

beans4reezy said:


> The intensity of the racism that flows amongst the Dominicans- you would think they believed themselves to be strictly a race of Europeans though.erplexed


 
It's so true.  I know a Dominican guy who denies his African ancestry and will get PISSED if someone mentions it.


----------



## LittleLuxe (May 17, 2010)

beans4reezy said:


> The intensity of the racism that flows amongst the Dominicans- you would think they believed themselves to be strictly a race of Europeans though.erplexed


 

I've noticed that too overall, I'm not going to generalize or break down the whole race but the experiences I've had with Dominicans save for 1 (my hairstylist ironically, lol) have not made me extra eager or happy to be around them.


----------



## LadyRaider (May 17, 2010)

There are societal advantages to NOT being black. Some people would CHOOSE not to have to deal with the often perceived harder life that African American children face. Society says our hair isn't pretty. Some people would CHOOSE not to risk having children with our hair. 

I actually think there are advantages of being a SMART, attractive black person. We stand out in the crowd. In some arenas, there are people just looking for us to give us a deserved  opportunity. Our black mothers tend to make us strong and outspoken so we sometimes shine that much brighter. As for the hair thing... are you kidding me? Cute braids, cute afro puffs, all the little ribbons and bows, cute press and curl. It's not really as bad as society wants to think. If I see a little black girl with messed up hair, I usually see a white mom walking with her. 

Anyway... some people are afraid and bend to what they perceive are the disadvantages. Perhaps these dominicans feel they are closer to white, and don't want to mix "down" and lose some privilege. The ugly truth is coming out right now with all the immigration crap. CLOSE to white is meaningless, obviously. 

My 2 cents.


----------



## Kurlee (May 17, 2010)

beans4reezy said:


> The intensity of the racism that flows amongst the Dominicans- you would think they believed themselves to be strictly a race of Europeans though.erplexed


that's the  part. Most of them are a mix of african, native and Spanish (spain), so erm or a mix of two of the above, so erm what are you running from? I swear if you didn't hear them talk, a lot of them, you couldn't tell the difference between them and Haitians who are the same "makeup" as them but shift the spanish white to french white. People will do anything to run away from being "african" or at least create distance from it, with new labels and titles to announce how "not really black" they are


----------



## weaveadiva (May 17, 2010)

LadyRaider said:


> There are societal advantages to NOT being black. Some people would CHOOSE not to have to deal with the often perceived harder life that African American children face. Society says our hair isn't pretty. Some people would CHOOSE not to risk having children with our hair.
> 
> [highlight]I actually think there are advantages of being a SMART, attractive black person. We stand out in the crowd. In some arenas, there are people just looking for us to give us a deserved  opportunity. Our black mothers tend to make us strong and outspoken so we sometimes shine that much brighter. [/highlight]As for the hair thing... are you kidding me? Cute braids, cute afro puffs, all the little ribbons and bows, cute press and curl. It's not really as bad as society wants to think. If I see a little black girl with messed up hair, I usually see a white mom walking with her.
> 
> ...



wow, your entire post is on point, and i especially agree with the highlighted


----------



## vainღ♥♡jane (May 17, 2010)

RossBoss said:


> I dated a guy once who had a White mother and Black father. The mother was nice to me but the father felt Black women were beneath his son. It wasn't just me it was any Black girl he brought home. He is now married to a Black woman and has kids, I bet that drove his dad over the edge.



thats so unfortunate. i hope he didn't have any daughters. i can't imagine how low they'd feel with a jackass like that for a father, looking down on them for being black- like him!  ♥


----------



## Vashti (May 17, 2010)

darlingdiva said:


> It's so true.  I know a Dominican guy who denies his African ancestry and will get PISSED if someone mentions it.



I've seen too many black and mixed-with-black people who are like that. Pathetic! I hate the fact that so many people continue to pass this type of ugliness on to the next generation. Colonialism started it but we all have a choice as to whether we want to keep it going or not. I especially get angry when I see people continuing to foist these attitudes on children.


----------



## RossBoss (May 17, 2010)

Vashti said:


> Colonialism started it but we all have a choice as to whether we want to keep it going or not.



Exactly. I REFUSE to let them off the hook with the same old tired colonialism excuse. I hold them 100% responsible for their racism/colorism.


----------



## RossBoss (May 17, 2010)

vainღ♥♡jane said:


> thats so unfortunate. i hope he didn't have any daughters. i can't imagine how low they'd feel with a jackass like that for a father, looking down on them for being black- like him!  ♥



No, he did not have any daughters, thank God for that.


----------



## girlyprincess23 (May 17, 2010)

Everytime I read this it just makes me sick.How people could be that ignorant and inconsiderate. Like please people...know yourself before you presume to talk about someone else. I bet her hair isnt pin straight and I wonder where she thinks thise curls come from???? Hmmm. I would love to spend a day in the brains of these type of people!!


----------



## jenaccess (May 17, 2010)

I believe these types of issues excist in almost every nationaltiy that comes from African ancestry. In the DR, Puerto Rico, Carribean island, and here in America the lighter you are and the straighter your hair equates to more beautiful than. This is the most ignorant way of thinking, I have seen the most beautiful sistas here on LHCF in all different shades and kiky hair textures.
I am going to the DR in July it will be my 2nd time going. And yes Dominicans are black people, and some are very very very black with excessively kinky hair. And just like some blacks in America they claim that there a mixture of Taino indian (that no longer exsist) and they looking like they came straight from Africa and some will deny that they are black. My best freind is PR and her husband is dominican and he refers hisself to being a black man that comes from a country that speak spanish. 
I love the DR the Dominicans are the most hospitable and welcomeing people. It just so exciting to see all those dark chocolate men speaking spanish. Oooh weeee I Love It!!!!


----------



## BostonMaria (May 17, 2010)

barbie87 said:


> wow I'm dominican and i'm so embarrassed I'm so sorry you had to go through this



Dominican here too. Hated this thread back in 2008, still hate it now.

Its like anything else, doesn't mean the entire culture is racist. Oh well. I wish the OP well with whatever she decided to do.


----------



## equestrian (May 17, 2010)

Wait,  aren't dominican people european and african    So how could she be crying over your SO not marrying a Dominican when Dominicans share a lot of the same blood anyhow?


----------



## levette (May 17, 2010)

My advice to you is to run away from all of them as fast as you can.  Your boyfriend may have some of that deep seated hatred buried  which will likely erupt if you  have an argument.


----------

