# Divorce and Remarrying



## PittiPat (Mar 5, 2005)

I appreciate you guys so much. I'm learning a lot about the bible and myself from reading your posts. Thank you.

I have a question about divorce and remarrying. After being married for two years, my husband committed a crime and was sentenced to 32 years in jail. After serving 13 years in prison, he divorced me and remarried his cellmate's daughter (while still in prison). 

Question: Will I be committing a sin if I were to remarry? (A friend told me that her pastor does not like to remarry divorced couples). Thanks in advance.


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## Poohbear (Mar 5, 2005)

_*In the Bible, it says whoever puts away his wife causes her to commit adultery and whoever marries a divorced wife is committing adultery (Matthews 5:32). That's why most pastors are uncomfortable remarrying a divorced person to someone else.*_

_*I'm sorry that you had to go throught this predicament. I'm sure you are going throught a hurtful, destructive time since marriage is meant to last a lifetime. Also, Jesus did say that divorce is not permissible except for fornication or a sexual immoral lifestyle. If that was the case, then the divorce was permissible. But about that, he also say divorce shouldn't be the first option for solving problems and to first attempt to forgive, reconcile and restore the relationship. *_

_*I hope that helps... Best wishes to whatever you decide to do.*_


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## pebbles (Mar 5, 2005)

Oh boy, this is going to be good!  

This is another hotly contested issue, because I've seen many arguments for and against divorce and remarriage, but the bible teaches us that God hates divorce, and the reason is because, (Malachi 2:14-16) marriage is a covenant between a man and his wife. God is a witness to that covenant, and He holds men to it . If a man violates the covenant, he is dealing treacherously with his wife and God will hold him accountable. 

Now, I've also heard another interesting argument about remarriage that has to do with the permissive will and the perfect will of God, but I don't remember it very well.


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## Honeyhips (Mar 5, 2005)

I don't think you are b/c he left you.  He broke the commitment. But if I were you, I'd pray about it.


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## TJD3 (Mar 5, 2005)

I thought though that by him marrying another women, and Im guessing they consomated (sp) the  marriage that that in itself is adultery, thus freeing you to divorce.  I dont have my Bible close by, but I always thought adultery was a get out of jail free card,  !


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## GoingBack (Mar 5, 2005)

PittiPat said:
			
		

> I appreciate you guys so much. I'm learning a lot about the bible and myself from reading your posts. Thank you.
> 
> I have a question about divorce and remarrying. After being married for two years, my husband committed a crime and was sentenced to 32 years in jail. After serving 13 years in prison, he divorced me and remarried his cellmate's daughter (while still in prison).
> 
> Question: Will I be committing a sin if I were to remarry? (A friend told me that her pastor does not like to remarry divorced couples). Thanks in advance.


 
Just to be sure, this guy was once married to his cellmate's daughter, then divorced her and married you?? Now the two of you are divorced and he remarried the daugher of the cellmate again and now you want to marry someone else???


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## CatSuga (Mar 5, 2005)

The answer is no, it would not be a sin.

One thing you have to look at in refernce to the Bible is that these laws were put into place during a time when excess unmarried women where a burden upon male headed households. In Hebrew culture, a womam needed to stay married, for a man was her only form of bread and butter.
I'm not going post scripture because it would all boil down to Moses vs. Jesus vs. Paul.


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## GoingBack (Mar 5, 2005)

CatSuga said:
			
		

> The answer is no, it would not be a sin.
> 
> One thing you have to look at in refernce to the Bible is that these laws were put into place during a time when excess unmarried women where a burden upon male headed households. In Hebrew culture, a womam needed to stay married, for a man was her only form of bread and butter.
> I'm not going post scripture because it would all boil down to Moses vs. Jesus vs. Paul.


 
Where did you get this info?


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## CatSuga (Mar 5, 2005)

kitty18 said:
			
		

> Where did you get this info?



Research of early civilization.
Alot of the Hebrew cutural norms that are recorded in the Old Testament where also praticed among other societies in the ancient Middle East.


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## honeylove316 (Mar 5, 2005)

Depends. Is he saved? If he left, and wasn't saved, then it isn't a sin. Read 1 Corinthians 6:12-16, verse 15 in particular. Maybe you can talk to a pastor who will explain this better than I could.

Pebbles, I've often wondered about the permissive vs perfect will of God as well. If you marry someone before you come to Christ, that marriage may be allowed(permissible), but is it really God's perfect will for you? I don't necessarily think so. You operate with a different set of criteria when you're not saved, and your choice in a mate probably won't be the same.

I often think about this in terms of wedding vows, esp the part "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder" . If you don't seek God first for wisdom in choosing a mate, how can you say that God joined you? Of course He knows you're going to do it, but is that His best for you? Sometimes people hold God accountable for things WE do. Shows how very important it is to study and pray over everything.


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## Poohbear (Mar 5, 2005)

kitty18 said:
			
		

> Just to be sure, this guy was once married to his cellmate's daughter, then divorced her and married you?? Now the two of you are divorced and he remarried the daugher of the cellmate again and now you want to marry someone else???


 no, seems like you got confused.  she was married to her husband, then her husband left her for his cellmate's daughter. and she's wondering if it will be a sin for her to remarry to someone else. hth!


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## beverly (Mar 5, 2005)

Hey, I have some scripture for you. I hope that you and everyone else who reads this board is very careful in regards to listening to what people tell them what is or is not in the bible. The bible is clear, but unfortunately people interpret things differently or put there own feelings into it. There have been a few where times I've seen people in this forum who are Christians interpreting the bible incorrectly. Since my time is limited I have not had the time to go in and point things out (sorry) . I strongly reccommend that you you go to someone of higher understanding like a minister who has had a great deal of study when you are dealing with matters such as these.

To answer your question yes, it is okay for you to remarry because your husband has committed adultery by marrying someone else, here is the scripture reference to prove it.

Matthew 19:3-12 allows for divorce when the spouse commits immorality/adultery, which your husband did to you when he divorced you and married someone else. 

So according to Matthew 19, if your spouse has indeed broken the sexual bond of your marriage, then you are free to go on with your life and remarry. Best wishes and good luck  What seemed like something bad, ended up to be something good for you its appears, God gave you a way out.


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## Cowgirl (Mar 5, 2005)

PittiPat said:
			
		

> I appreciate you guys so much. I'm learning a lot about the bible and myself from reading your posts. Thank you.
> 
> I have a question about divorce and remarrying. After being married for two years, my husband committed a crime and was sentenced to 32 years in jail. After serving 13 years in prison, he divorced me and remarried his cellmate's daughter (while still in prison).
> 
> *Question: Will I be committing a sin if I were to remarry*? (A friend told me that her pastor does not like to remarry divorced couples). Thanks in advance.



Being a divorcee myself, I have had much turmoil over this very question.  I myself was in a marriage where the husband committed adultery & then attempted to become abusive to me when confronted with his adultry.  So in order to save my life, he had to go.  The last time I saw this man and looked into his eyes, I saw nothing but pure evil.  It was as if I was staring at the devil himself.  This same man went on to eventually kill an exgirlfriend and is now in jail.  And every day I thank God that he spared my life, because it was almost me.  Anyway, I'm rambling.... So, to answer your question.  *Yes, it would be a sin. *  But guess what......

Our perfect God made a way for imperfect man to be forgiven of his sins through the blood of Jesus. Therefore, no matter what sins we have committed (including divorce), we can find forgiveness and cleansing through Christ. He not only forgives the sin of divorce, but because of His perfect forgiveness, He forgets the sin and it becomes as if we had never committed it as far as He is concerned. Praise God! We have a new start in Christ as the old is wiped away.

*this verbage was taken from a website I frequent.*


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## JuJuBoo (Mar 5, 2005)

beverly said:
			
		

> Hey, I have some scripture for you. I hope that you and everyone else who reads this board is very careful in regards to listening to what people tell them what is or is not in the bible. The bible is clear, but unfortunately people interpret things differently or put there own feelings into it. There have been a few where times I've seen people in this forum who are Christians interpreting the bible incorrectly. Since my time is limited I have not had the time to go in and point things out (sorry) . I strongly reccommend that you you go to someone of higher understanding like a minister who has had a great deal of study when you are dealing with matters such as these.
> 
> To answer your question yes, it is okay for you to remarry because your husband has committed adultery by marrying someone else, here is the scripture reference to prove it.
> 
> ...



What Bev said.


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## PittiPat (Mar 5, 2005)

Honeylove316 - My ex-husband is now a muslim since serving time in prison, which he wanted me to become. He had me really confused about religion at one point.

Thanks, ladies, for all of your help. I think that I will speak with a pastor as suggested.


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## Poohbear (Mar 5, 2005)

_*I agree with what beverly has said.  people do interpret the scriptures to fit their own feelings. also talk to a God-fearing minister about your situation as well to have a better understanding on the subject of divorce.*_


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## Belle Du Jour (Mar 6, 2005)

Cowgirl said:
			
		

> *Yes, it would be a sin. *  But guess what......
> 
> Our perfect God made a way for imperfect man to be forgiven of his sins through the blood of Jesus. Therefore, no matter what sins we have committed (including divorce), we can find forgiveness and cleansing through Christ. He not only forgives the sin of divorce, but because of His perfect forgiveness, He forgets the sin and it becomes as if we had never committed it as far as He is concerned. Praise God! We have a new start in Christ as the old is wiped away.
> 
> *this verbage was taken from a website I frequent.*



But, just because our sins are forgiven through the blood of Christ doesn't mean that you do something  you know is wrong just because.  If divorce and remarriage is a sin (unless under certain circumstances per the Bible) than you don't divorce, remarry and ask God to forgive you just to get around the sin itself.  Does that make sense??


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## Cowgirl (Mar 6, 2005)

classimami713 said:
			
		

> But, just because our sins are forgiven through the blood of Christ doesn't mean that you do something  you know is wrong just because.  If divorce and remarriage is a sin (unless under certain circumstances per the Bible) than you don't divorce, remarry and ask God to forgive you just to get around the sin itself.  Does that make sense??



Yes, it makes perfect sense.  And I would hope that any Christian knows you can't just sin for the sake of sinning and use God's grace as a loop hole. However, in this particular case as described by the original post, the sin was first committed by the ex-spouse.  Therefore, putting her into one of the circumstances per the Bible.  In this case, "*which is the only case I was commenting on*", I believe she can ask & receive forgiveness and move on with her life.


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## Belle Du Jour (Mar 7, 2005)

Cowgirl said:
			
		

> Yes, it makes perfect sense.  And I would hope that any Christian knows you can't just sin for the sake of sinning and use God's grace as a loop hole. However, in this particular case as described by the original post, the sin was first committed by the ex-spouse.  Therefore, putting her into one of the circumstances per the Bible.  In this case, "*which is the only case I was commenting on*", I believe she can ask & receive forgiveness and move on with her life.



Okay, I see what you're saying.


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## cybra (Mar 8, 2005)

I didn't read all the posts so forgive me if I'm repeating something that was already said.  

God has truly helped me to understand the whole "divorce - remarry" issue.  What he made me see is this:  If a man divorces his wife but he remains single and is not in a relationship with someone else (adultery), the divorced wife has no right remarrying. The two could reconcile and their covenant with God would be restored. So, if he divorced and stayed that way without adultery you should not be involved, in God's eyes you are still married.  However, if he divorces you and takes up with another woman, then he has broken that covenant and you are no longer bound to him.  In your case, since he divorced you and married someone else, then you are not bound to him.  You are free to remarry.  However, do take into consideration what marriage truly means.  People take this covenant too lightly, even Christians, and I'm sure God is not pleased.  Marriage does not only mean commitment to your spouse, but it signifies a commitment to God in the form of matrimony.  God holds us to this covenant, and he says we should not break our vows to him.  

My husband and I have always said divorce would never be an option once we decided to marry. Whatever happened, we would go to the Lord and have him instruct us on how to deal with the issue.  It's hard, but after time you will understand why God requires this from you...knowing that person is there as you age is such a comfort.  This does not mean you have to take mess off of someone, you may need to use tough love at times, even separating from the person if you must, but you should try to reconcile if you can.  

I hope I have shed some light on this for you...but I'm sure with all the sharp ladies on this forum it was already done.


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## InsertCleverNameHere (Mar 8, 2005)

I was told that if a spouse committed adultery you were free to divorce, however, you were not free to re-marry or to have sex. 

Now I wouldn't know any scriptures backing this up this is just what I heard. I haven't seen any scriptures specifically stating one can remarry either tho.


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## Blossssom (Mar 8, 2005)

Sorry to say, but unfortunately, he is your husband now and until the day he dies, as far as the Bible goes.


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## Belle Du Jour (Mar 8, 2005)

Blossssom said:
			
		

> Sorry to say, but unfortunately, he is your husband now and until the day he dies, as far as the Bible goes.



Cosigning.


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## cece22 (Mar 8, 2005)

ReaLuvsAOxymoron said:
			
		

> I was told that if a spouse committed adultery you were free to divorce, however, you were not free to re-marry or to have sex.
> 
> Now I wouldn't know any scriptures backing this up this is just what I heard. I haven't seen any scriptures specifically stating one can remarry either tho.


Here is some sciptural backing and I commend you for wanting some and not going on heresay.

*Matthew* *5:31-32*
*31* "Moreover it was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ *32* However, I say to YOU that everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of fornication, makes her a subject for adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
​


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## cece22 (Mar 8, 2005)

cybra said:
			
		

> I didn't read all the posts so forgive me if I'm repeating something that was already said.
> 
> God has truly helped me to understand the whole "divorce - remarry" issue. What he made me see is this: *If a man divorces his wife but he remains single and is not in a relationship with someone else (adultery), the divorced wife has no right remarrying. The two could reconcile and their covenant with God would be restored. So, if he divorced and stayed that way without adultery you should not be involved, in God's eyes you are still married.* However, if he divorces you and takes up with another woman, then he has broken that covenant and you are no longer bound to him. In your case, since he divorced you and married someone else, then you are not bound to him. You are free to remarry. However, do take into consideration what marriage truly means. People take this covenant too lightly, even Christians, and I'm sure God is not pleased. Marriage does not only mean commitment to your spouse, but it signifies a commitment to God in the form of matrimony. God holds us to this covenant, and he says we should not break our vows to him.


 
*Sciptural backing for this thought*

*1* *Corinthians* *7:10-11* *****
*10* To the married people I give instructions, yet not I but the Lord, that a wife should not depart from her husband; *11* but if she should actually depart, let her remain unmarried or else make up again with her husband; and a husband should not leave his wife.


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## Jewell (Mar 16, 2005)

Blossssom said:
			
		

> Sorry to say, but unfortunately, he is your husband now and until the day he dies, as far as the Bible goes.



Cosigning...

"For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband." Romans 7:2

"So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adultress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adultress, though she be married to another man."
Romans 7:3

This is how it works, as written in the Bible.


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## Honeyhips (Mar 16, 2005)

Not if he cheats though.


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## AnnDriena_ (Mar 16, 2005)

If he leaves her she is free if the sin. The bible also says God doesn't want us to burn with passion.


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## Cinnabuns (Mar 20, 2005)

*This is a great discussion so I asked my pastor about it (He has been married three times already) and when I brought this very subject up to him he blew me off completely.*


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## star (Mar 21, 2005)

No, look in the book Corinithains about marriage and search other books on divorce in New testament. You have what is called an non-concentic divorce. He divorce you with out permission. The Bible say that if spouse wants to leave let them leave. You will not be committing a sin if you remarried. Explain this to the Pastor he should understand.


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## Blossssom (Mar 21, 2005)

Cinnabuns said:
			
		

> *This is a great discussion so I asked my pastor about it (He has been married three times already) and when I brought this very subject up to him he blew me off completely.*



That's because he know he's wrong.

I can't quote chapter and verse, but somewhere in II Timothy it says that a man who has been divorced is not supposed to be over a congregation to begin with, including my father.

"How can a man run the household of God, if he can't run his own household?"  So THERE!


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## Blossssom (Mar 21, 2005)

star said:
			
		

> No, look in the book Corinithains about marriage and search other books on divorce in New testament. You have what is called an non-concentic divorce. He divorce you with out permission. The Bible say that if spouse wants to leave let them leave. You will not be committing a sin if you remarried. Explain this to the Pastor he should understand.



Is this regarding cheating?  I don't recall divorce ever being justifable in the Bible.  Not even for cheating.


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## blessedangil03 (Apr 6, 2005)

Personally, concerning divorce and remarriage, it is simple and plain. Now a days people want to add in things in the Bible and try to justify their situation. The Bible states that God HATES divorce, Jesus says the only reason one should divorce is because of sexual infidilety, but He did not say that the innocent party should go on and remarry. The Bible also states that a whoever marries a divorced woman is committing adultery (because in the eyes of God that woman is still bound). Paul also takes it further and says even if you do divorce, you are to remain single or return to your spouse. Remarriage comes after your spouse has died.


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