# Christian Dating and Spending the Night



## angaliquew (Apr 26, 2006)

Do you feel it's a big no no for a couple who's practicing abstinence to spend the night over each other's house occasionally? 
I know it could encourage temptation in that area, but what if it's only done on a circumstantial basis...such as it being really late and your mate not wanting you to drive home late at night or you guys planning a trip together...should you get separate rooms?
Do you feel God views this in the same light as two unmarried Christians shacking up together or living unholy?
Just wondering...


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## firecracker (Apr 26, 2006)

Do you feel God views this in the same light as two unmarried Christians shacking up together or living unholy?[/quote]

Huh yeah.


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## mzcaramelicious07 (Apr 26, 2006)

angaliquew said:
			
		

> Do you feel it's a big no no for a couple who's practicing abstinence to spend the night over each other's house occasionally?
> I know it could encourage temptation in that area, but what if it's only done on a circumstantial basis...such as it being really late and your mate not wanting you to drive home late at night or you guys planning a trip together...should you get separate rooms?
> Do you feel God views this in the same light as two unmarried Christians shacking up together or living unholy?
> Just wondering...




Hmmm...I personally believe a couple who's practicing abstinence should not spend the night over each other's houses.  I am now in grad school and when I first got here I had a childhood male friend who was also a christian abstaining from sex come and visit me.  He drove a couple of hours and we ended up chillin' the whole day and lost track of time.  Well it was really late and he was tired and didn't want to drive home.  I let him stay in my dorm room, BUT I stayed in one of my friends rooms. I left him in there, and we met back up in the morning.  There was no chillin' and both falling asleep and oooppss I left to go to my friends room.  When we got to my room, I showed him where things were and bounced.  

As for right now, I have been in a relationship for over 4 yrs and both are waiting until marriage (which is this September!).  I have my own apartment and he has not once stayed over night.  We actually made a practice for him to leave at a certain time.  We do that just to not set ourselves up for temptation.  Yeah, I know you can be tempted during all hours of the day, BUT late at night just chillin', snuggled up watching tv or something can get ya!  We also do that because we don't want to mess up our witness to others.  Of course, we and our family/friends know we r virgins and waiting til our wedding night, but the neighbors and other college students don't.  It would not look good him creeping out of my apartment in the morning (even 2 or 3 am).  They see people sexin' and creepin' out from every other apartment on this campus, so why would they think different of us?  I as well as he try to keep everything on point, so when we do witness to someone, say for example ask them to church, they can't say HYPOCRITES!....I just saw some guy sneaking out of her house the other night!  Its not super serious, but I do try to be cautious because I know I'm being watched!


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## sithembile (Apr 27, 2006)

mzcaramelicious07 said:
			
		

> Hmmm...I personally believe a couple who's practicing abstinence should not spend the night over each other's houses.  I am now in grad school and when I first got here I had a childhood male friend who was also a christian abstaining from sex come and visit me.  He drove a couple of hours and we ended up chillin' the whole day and lost track of time.  Well it was really late and he was tired and didn't want to drive home.  I let him stay in my dorm room, BUT I stayed in one of my friends rooms. I left him in there, and we met back up in the morning.  There was no chillin' and both falling asleep and oooppss I left to go to my friends room.  When we got to my room, I showed him where things were and bounced.
> 
> As for right now, I have been in a relationship for over 4 yrs and both are waiting until marriage (which is this September!).  I have my own apartment and he has not once stayed over night.  We actually made a practice for him to leave at a certain time.  We do that just to not set ourselves up for temptation.  Yeah, I know you can be tempted during all hours of the day, BUT late at night just chillin', snuggled up watching tv or something can get ya!  We also do that because we don't want to mess up our witness to others.  Of course, we and our family/friends know we r virgins and waiting til our wedding night, but the neighbors and other college students don't.  It would not look good him creeping out of my apartment in the morning (even 2 or 3 am).  They see people sexin' and creepin' out from every other apartment on this campus, so why would they think different of us?  I as well as he try to keep everything on point, so when we do witness to someone, say for example ask them to church, they can't say HYPOCRITES!....I just saw some guy sneaking out of her house the other night!  Its not super serious, but I do try to be cautious because I know I'm being watched![/QUOTE
> 
> ITA with MzC, we should be mindful of the message we send to believers and unbelievers in all that we do. I am in a relationship now, and we have decided not to sleepover at each others' homes. The Bible states which should flee from the appearance of evil. Therefore, even if you don't do anything, it will still look like you did, so its best to avoid it altogether. Its also about not giving the devil a foothold, you;d just be increasing the chance of falling into temptation.


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## fivefoursweetie (Apr 27, 2006)

I think that every person is different and that what may be a huge NO NO for me, may not be the same for you.  I think that you and God are the only two that know what may lead you into temptation.
Regarding, sleeping over because one party was too tired to drive home...I think that boundaries may need to be set so that if a person knows they have a long trip home, then they need ot leave by such and such time.  That may need to be set before the party makes the trip over so that the boundaries are set before getting there.
Regarding, going on trips.   I personally think that is a person thing.  If both of you feel that nothing will happen and are adamate (sp?) about that, then getting one room is cool, but I would definatley encourage seperate beds.  Also, try not to bring out the sexy lingarie to encourage him/her "slipping up".  On the other side of it, if either one of you is struggling with the spirit of lust and don't have that under subjection, I would say having the same room is a huge NO NO.
HTH


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## angaliquew (Apr 27, 2006)

fivefoursweetie said:
			
		

> I think that every person is different and that what may be a huge NO NO for me, may not be the same for you.  I think that you and God are the only two that know what may lead you into temptation.
> Regarding, sleeping over because one party was too tired to drive home...I think that boundaries may need to be set so that if a person knows they have a long trip home, then they need ot leave by such and such time.  That may need to be set before the party makes the trip over so that the boundaries are set before getting there.
> Regarding, going on trips.   I personally think that is a person thing.  If both of you feel that nothing will happen and are adamate (sp?) about that, then getting one room is cool, but I would definatley encourage seperate beds.  Also, try not to bring out the sexy lingarie to encourage him/her "slipping up".  On the other side of it, if either one of you is struggling with the spirit of lust and don't have that under subjection, I would say having the same room is a huge NO NO.
> HTH



What you said really makes sense regarding boundaries...I asked the question mainly because my boyfriend and I are going on a trip next month and I'm questioning whether or not it is okay for us to get one room or separate rooms...I'm not afraid of us having sex, but more less if it would be considered wrong for us to be sharing a room together. We have spent the night together before and have refrained from sex, but we have talked about it and want to start setting boundaries so that we don't get into the habit of spending the night together. 

Thank you ladies for your input


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## Poohbear (Apr 27, 2006)

angaliquew said:
			
		

> Do you feel it's a big no no for a couple who's practicing abstinence to spend the night over each other's house occasionally?


 Yes.  My boyfriend and I have spent the night before.  When I used to live in a dorm at school and when I lived in an apartment, my boyfriend would spend the night or I would spend the night at his place.  At first, I didn't see anything wrong with it since we weren't having sex, but later on as I matured more in my spiritual walk with the Lord, I just felt like it was wrong.  And also my mom did not approve of it either after she found out.  So I stopped doing the 'spend the night' thing.  And yes, I believe it does encourage temptation to have sex.  



> I know it could encourage temptation in that area, but what if it's only done on a circumstantial basis...such as it being really late and your mate not wanting you to drive home late at night or you guys planning a trip together...should you get separate rooms?


 I dunno.  This has happened with my boyfriend and I as well.  If we were too tired to go back to where we live, we would spend the night. I feel like he/you shouldn't be over there at such a late time where he/you may be too sleepy to drive back home.  So, we stopped doing this as well.



> Do you feel God views this in the same light as two unmarried Christians shacking up together or living unholy?
> Just wondering...


At first I didn't, then later, I did feel that God sees this as the same light as two unmarried people shacking up/living unholy. My mom was the one who pointed this out.  No, my mom isn't God but she is very wise along with being old-fashion and conservative... traits I have inherited from her.   I'm glad she did give me this advice after finding out what I did when I didn't live at home.  Plus, not spending night is less stressful on your mind.

Just think of it this way (and this is how I thought about it too when I was in those situations)... 

Would you want your mother or father to see you in the bed with a man you are not married to?

Better yet, would spending the night with your boyfriend give God glory?

If Jesus had a girlfriend, would he had spent the night with her?

Hope that helps!


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