# Women who desire to get married



## Iammoney (Dec 8, 2008)

women who desire to get married
Posted Today at 10:23 PM by mitcy
I got this from a group i belong to on facebook





This is the word God gave me for singles that I sent to my sorors:

Stop feeling sorry about not having a man in your life right now. Didn’t I promise you a mate? God said what I am tired of is you choosing these men that I have not placed into your life and then blaming me when it doesn’t work out. I have set aside your prince but it seems to me that you are not ready for him. I am waiting on you and so is he. I will say to you again not to be unequally yoked for I have had your prince prepare himself for you. Are you prepared for your prince? Because I am king of kings and have prepared a prince for you. Have you practice being a godly wife? Have you put aside your single independence and will let him come in and be the head of the house as I have just so placed him? Have you learned to stop complaining? Have you learned to manage your money and stop spending it on shopping sprees and going out all the time? Have you been taking those cooking lesions? Have you been cleaning your house so that when you come home you can relax? Your prince should feel like a king when he enters into his (your) palace. I would suggest TD Jakes new book “before you DO”. Stop being so wrapped up in appearances. I sent this man to you more than once and you looked the other way bc you thought he wasn’t attractive enough. Don’t you know that I have given him life so that he can spend the rest of his earthly life with you and you are wasting time? You are looking for that fancy and easy stuff. What are you afraid of, what your friends might think? Should u care what they think or what I think and if you want the abundance of things in a mate you will look at him and see the fullness thereof.

So as Holidah said, "God is the Ultimate match maker".


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## Shimmie (Dec 8, 2008)

OUCH!  :blush3:

Father God, please forgive me for the 'clutter in my 'spriit, and in my home; I allow yoiu to lead me and guide me in clearing out all that does not pertain to Godliness, so that I can be peaceful and relaxed in all; but most of all peaceful in you and in my husband.  

Father God, I allow you to 'prepare him room' in our home and in my heart, for he has lived in yours forever.  

In Jesus's name, Amen and Amen.  :heart2:

"For the two shall become one and it cannot become undone...The dividing walls of alienation have been torn down and we have been brought nigh unto one another by the Blood of Jesus, our Lord, our Saviour, our Lamb of God, our Chief Cornerstone, we are 'One' in Him, forever."  In Jesus's name, Amen and Amen.

--------------

 Mitcy.


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## rayness (Dec 8, 2008)

I love it.  Hey what does God have to say about a cleaning service?  Just joking (partially).  I dislike cleaning.  I know how but I just don't like too. When I lived by myself my kitchen, living, dining, bathroom would be clean but the bedroom is a different story.  Still working on that.  

I always said to people that I want to get myself together before God sends my mate.  Like I need to start working out again.  I am getting a lot better with money and actually have started to really save.  I can already cook.  I can't expect God to send his very best to me and I am not at my very best.  I can't expect Him to send me a man who has all of the qualities that I desire and I am slacking in many areas.  Again thanks for posting that.


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## aribell (Dec 8, 2008)

.....

But the Lord is certainly faithful in giving us the ability to overcome all of our faults!  Thankfully!


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## **Tasha*Love** (Dec 9, 2008)

You and I are >>>>>here<<<<<<! I don't know what it is about my bedroom but I can keep all other areas of the house emaculate except for my room? I have been like this since a child!! I am really trying to do better in that area.  

I am in total agreement about not being at my best. We are all work in progress Rayness! With the Lords help there is nothing that we cannot overcome or achieve! 



rayness said:


> I love it.  Hey what does God have to say about a cleaning service?  Just joking (partially).  I dislike cleaning.  I know how but I just don't like too. When I lived by myself my kitchen, living, dining, bathroom would be clean but the bedroom is a different story.  Still working on that.
> 
> I always said to people that I want to get myself together before God sends my mate.  Like I need to start working out again.  I am getting a lot better with money and actually have started to really save.  I can already cook.  I can't expect God to send his very best to me and I am not at my very best.  I can't expect Him to send me a man who has all of the qualities that I desire and I am slacking in many areas.  Again thanks for posting that.


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## Bunny77 (Dec 9, 2008)

Mitcy, thanks for your posts. You definitely put up some thought-provoking pieces on the topic of marriage!

Anyway, I'm gonna have to dissent somewhat on this person's message. Now I do agree that we singles might have missed a good man because we were with the wrong one or focused on the wrong one, but I also think that this is more of the same misinformation that is delivered to single black women and given a religious/Christian slant instead of getting to the real issues as to why many of us remain single.

I know that we all aspire to be that Proverbs 31 woman. I know that I need to work on some debts, house cleaning, cooking, etc.  But no person is going to come into a marriage as a perfect husband or wife. Part of marriage involves a couple growing together. Many flawed women who can't cook, have debts and messy homes marry every day, and they marry wonderful Godly men who love them and their beautiful spirits.

I read a book by a married Christian woman who admitted that she was bad with money management, but with the help of her husband, she learned to break the chains. In turn, because of her role as his helpmeet, he became more responsible as well in areas where he was lacking. 

This idea that we must reach this level of "readiness" before God "sends" us a mate can be very damaging and it does nothing to explain why millions of women who don't cavort with the wrong men, who can cook their butts off and are beautiful Godly women inside and out remain single. And again, this type of message is also not sent to men to the same degree as women... if you read this, it says so much about what single women might be lacking, but acts as if there are these perfect male specimens out there that we aren't "qualified" yet to have. 

Instead of being asked, "Are you ready for him?" how about, "Is he ready for YOU?" Or better yet, "Are you ready for each other?" 

But this idea of readiness has never been how marriage has worked. Not too long ago, young people married while attending school or working menial jobs. They were poor and probably had debt, but as a partnership, they often did a better job getting OUT of debt as a unit than a single person could alone. 

Also, these messages of what I consider impossible readiness are not sent to white women, Asian women and Hispanic women. I think sometimes these messages can do more to make black women feel worse than better, as if she has to constantly "work on herself," and become this super human before she's "worthy" of having a husband.

The real problem is that our community doesn't esteem marriage. Until we start using our churches and our Christian calling to reaffirm marriage as the central family unit in the black community, these pseudo-religious messages to single black women about "working on oneself" as a requirement for marriage won't change much.

Sure, let's all work on ourselves and prepare ourselves to become good wives and mothers. But let's not be made to feel that those of us who are single are that way because something is lacking in us.


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## aribell (Dec 9, 2008)

Bunny, do you read Boundless?


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## Bunny77 (Dec 9, 2008)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Bunny, do you read Boundless?



Yes! I love Boundless!

And actually, I was referring to Candice Watters in my post... she owned up to being really bad with her spending and CC debt in her book... and while she mentioned that she realized she had to work on that because a wife should be a good steward of a family's finances, her debt didn't prevent her from ending up with a good husband.

Just wanted to add as well that my mother said that she was NOT a good cook when she got married. But she became one because she suddenly had a husband and children to cook for... if she had stayed single for a long time, she probably wouldn't have felt the need to become a better cook.

So getting married encouraged her to be a better homemaker, not the other way around.

Sorry, gotta add one more thing... the more I read this, the more it comes off like it was written by a bitter man who's using all of the awful stereotypes about single black women to make his point... it doesn't sound all that "Godly" (save for the first few sentences).


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## aribell (Dec 9, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> Yes! I love Boundless!
> 
> And actually, I was referring to Candice Watters in my post... she owned up to being really bad with her spending and CC debt in her book... and while she mentioned that she realized she had to work on that because a wife should be a good steward of a family's finances, her debt didn't prevent her from ending up with a good husband.


 
I thought I recognized it.  I've read Boundless for like the past 8 years and it's been _so_ helpful.


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## kayte (Dec 9, 2008)

> This is the word God gave me for singles that I sent to my sorors:



I don't think God "said" this via proxy or angel or anything else
be mindful of those who use the name of God ....in vain 
or vanity...this is incredibly misygonistic..
I probably misspelled that word but it still means a man who does not like women
little wonder.."he" is single... or if he is not (Kayte shudders) 
he's going to need to do a lot more than post in a facebook blog..lol

_on your knees... my brother_ 

I'm not enamored of the clearly biased hyper-critical
.....idiomatic folksy tone 
that's supposed to engage my cultural alliance to the writer..
thank God..black women are not sheep

...except with Christ



_sorry_
I cldn't resist 

*This is the word I was given after reading his*:


Stop feeling sorry about not having a woman in your life right now. Didn’t I promise you a mate? God said what I am tired of is you choosing these women that I have not placed into your life and then blaming me when it doesn’t work out. I have set aside your QUEEN but it seems to me that you are not ready for her! I am waiting on you and so is she. I will say to you again not to be unequally yoked for I have had your Queen prepare herself for you. Are you prepared for your QUEEN? Because I am king of kings and have prepared a QUEEN for you. Have you practiced being a godly husband? Have you put aside your single independence..aka philandering...and double standards ..cheating and lying and have accepted her ....honestly ..humbly... to let come in to your heart and hearth  as I have just so placed her? Have you learned to stop complaining or blaming ..her? Have you learned to manage your money and stop spending it on yourself and going out all the time? Have you been taking those cooking lessions to show her ..that you love her and want to her to know that serving her means serving ME and that you are ready and willing  to help her out..even if it's in the kitchen?

 Have you been cleaning your house spiritually and physically so that when you come home you can meditate in gratitude and with complete fidelity for the good woman God has blessed you with? Your Queen should feel like she's treasured and a sense of peace and security and harmony and deep love when she enters into your/her palace. I would suggest.....reading 
the bible  together and you .....read Proverbs 

11 At the end of your life you will groan, 
       when your flesh and body are spent. 
 12 You will say, "How I hated discipline! 
       How my heart spurned correction! 

 13 I would not obey my teachers 
      or listen to my instructors. 
 14 I have come to the brink of utter ruin 
       in the midst of the whole assembly." 

 15 Drink water from your own cistern, 
      running water from your own well. 
 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, 
       your streams of water in the public squares? 

 17 Let them be yours alone, 
       never to be shared with strangers. 
 18 May your fountain be blessed, 
       and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 

 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— 
       may her breasts satisfy you always, 
       may you ever be captivated by her love. 
 20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? 
       Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? 
 21 For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, 
      and he examines all his paths. 
 22 The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; 
      the cords of his sin hold him fast. 
 23 He will die for lack of discipline, 
       led astray by his own great folly.



“before you DO”. 

Stop being so wrapped up in your ego and your vanity.Where is your humilty? Where is your gratitude?  I sent this woman to you more than once and you looked the other way bc you thought she wasn’t attractive enough. Don’t you know that I have given her life so that she can spend the rest of her earthly life with you and you are wasting time? You are looking for that fancy and easy stuff. What are you afraid of, what your friends might think? Should you care what they think or what I think and if you want the abundance of things in a mate you will look at her...you will respect her ..you will value her..you will commit to her _you will cherish her as your own body as Christ loved the Church ..so you will show your devotion to her _
you will give her honor...
and rightfully see the fullness and beauty thereof.


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## Iammoney (Dec 9, 2008)

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## gn1g (Dec 9, 2008)

too many martha's in here.  

"Seek ye the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you."


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## btrflyrose (Dec 9, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> Just wanted to add as well that my mother said that she was NOT a good cook when she got married. But she became one because she suddenly had a husband and children to cook for... if she had stayed single for a long time, she probably wouldn't have felt the need to become a better cook.


 

Well my mother STILL isn't a good cook.  Never has been.  I have stories of underdone cakes, soapy eggs, baked beans that taste like candied yams and velveta tex mex macaroni and cheese (on the stove) where the green peppers were mistaken for mold!!  

Thank GOD for my father or I think I would've starved!

But regardless, my parents have been married going on 31 wonderful years.  My mom can't cook and doesn't like too, my father can't clean and doesn't like too, but hey, it works.


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

rayness said:


> I love it. Hey what does God have to say about a cleaning service? Just joking (partially). I dislike cleaning. I know how but I just don't like too. When I lived by myself my kitchen, living, dining, bathroom would be clean but the bedroom is a different story. Still working on that.
> 
> I always said to people that I want to get myself together before God sends my mate. Like I need to start working out again. I am getting a lot better with money and actually have started to really save. I can already cook. I can't expect God to send his very best to me and I am not at my very best. I can't expect Him to send me a man who has all of the qualities that I desire and I am slacking in many areas. Again thanks for posting that.


 


Natasha2005 said:


> You and I are >>>>>here<<<<<<! I don't know what it is about my bedroom but I can keep all other areas of the house emaculate except for my room? I have been like this since a child!! I am really trying to do better in that area.
> 
> I am in total agreement about not being at my best. We are all work in progress Rayness! With the Lords help there is nothing that we cannot overcome or achieve!


Hey!  I need a Nannie and a Maid....

The Secret to my clean bedroom is that........................

I don't put anything in it except me.   

Angels, I've got news, after you're married your husband is going to have the bedroom even messier.    And don't add the children.    

Why do children love to crawl into bed with us?   Kicking me out onto the floor.


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## Bunny77 (Dec 9, 2008)

btrflyrose said:


> Well my mother STILL isn't a good cook.  Never has been.  I have stories of underdone cakes, soapy eggs, baked beans that taste like candied yams and velveta tex mex macaroni and cheese (on the stove) where the green peppers were mistaken for mold!!
> 
> Thank GOD for my father or I think I would've starved!
> 
> But regardless, my parents have been married going on 31 wonderful years.  My mom can't cook and doesn't like too, my father can't clean and doesn't like too, but hey, it works.



I shouldn't laugh, but the way you describe the food is hilarious! Yes, thank God for your father!

I know another couple in which the wife couldn't cook a lick, and neither could the husband. But, they were rich and just ate out all the time.     Sounds good to me!  

Seriously though, your example and the one of my friends' parents (the rich folks) simply tell me that this cooking mandate that some so-called "godly" folks are using to berate women (usually black women) and use it as one of the reasons for their singleness is very false doctrine. It also shows that many of these people don't know what elements truly are important to a Godly marriage. I'm not saying that cooking isn't, but much comes down to how the husband and wife agree to the delegation of duties in the home. Plenty of black women who can throw down in the kitchen are single and have been for most of their lives... just look at the pews in your church...  



Shimmie said:


> Hey!  I need a Nannie and a Maid....
> 
> The Secret to my clean bedroom is that........................
> 
> ...



EXACTLY! Do people think that your home is going to stay clean when you're married and have kids??? The type of place you keep when you're single might be the cleanest place you'll ever have!


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## btrflyrose (Dec 9, 2008)

Well, the virtuous woman had maidservants.  And Lord knows, that when I get married I'm gonna need some 'maidservants' to do all the things that I just don't like to do...you know...putting dishes in the dishwasher, taking dishes out of the dishwasher, putting the dishes back in the cabinets, washing clothes, folding clothes, making up the bed, vacuuming the mattress, cleaning the toilets....  

I can cook though!!!  I'm a really, really, good cook.


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## cocoberry10 (Dec 9, 2008)

Mitcy, this is a great word. I know that I will get married. I'm still in my 20's, so I have "time," and I've come to enjoy that time.

Singleness truly is a gift, and now I realize that.  There are sooooooooooooo many things you can do as a single that you can't do as easily married (or in some cases at all).

I have learned to appreciate where I am NOW, not that there aren't other places I want to go, but to appreciate NOW.  For tomorrow isn't promised to us!

I also think that when you are happy inside, you attract a different type of man.  I really know this from my own experience.

And like the post said, so many women are focused on marrying a man, but what type of wife will you be?

What qualities will you bring to a relationship that make you a good wife?

Work on those, and I swear Mr. Right will likely fall right into your lap.

That vacation/travel you don't want to take alone? Take it! Maybe Mr. Right will be on the plane with you, or bump into you somewhere, and if you went with your 50 closest friends, he would be too intimidated to approach you

Go join that whatever class (cooking, painting, etc.).

Go to the bookstore, and just have fun. Stop worrying.

When you least expect it, it will come! (and probably when you don't care if it does)!


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## Belle Du Jour (Dec 9, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> Also, these messages of what I consider impossible readiness are not sent to white women, Asian women and Hispanic women. *I think sometimes these messages can do more to make black women feel worse than better, as if she has to constantly "work on herself," and become this super human before she's "worthy" of having a husband.*
> 
> *The real problem is that our community doesn't esteem marriage.* Until we start using our churches and our Christian calling to reaffirm marriage as the central family unit in the black community, these pseudo-religious messages to single black women about "working on oneself" as a requirement for marriage won't change much.
> 
> Sure, let's all work on ourselves and prepare ourselves to become good wives and mothers. *But let's not be made to feel that those of us who are single are that way because something is lacking in us.*



Wow, Bunny, great post as usual.

Ladies, please free yourself from the mindset that something is wrong with you that needs to be fixed.  (Obviously, if you need counseling or debt management or whatever, that's a different story.  Those issues need to be dealt with--preferably before man shows up.  But these issues shouldn't preclude the man showing up.)  Rather, continue to be your best self and simply expect God's best.  You don't have to be perfect to find a great man.  If that was the case, a lot of people around you who are getting married wouldn't fit that criteria either.


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## Iammoney (Dec 9, 2008)

You know what I got to thinking last night and this morning about this thread and what bunny said is right.

I have absolutely no idea what it takes to get married or why I am not married because i know of women who cant cook and hardly clean but are married and seem to have a good marriage.

For those that say seek ye....
I have been seeking the kingdom. Have been doing for a while for a long while. God is my witness I am trying to grow in so many different directions but sometimes i feel like my efforts are in vain.
I know that I am BLESSED. I thank God everyday as much as I can and I tell Him how much I appreciate Him. When I look at the news and I see and hear what other people have gone through I feel bad for my request because sometimes i feel that maybe just maybe I am supposed to be like this and i should stay in my place and thank God for that and live my life. How can i in good conscious ask for more when someone right around the corner is starving,homeless,sick,lonely,depressed. Who am I ?
I'm 34 and i have given up and started back a million times over. im tired of fighting this fight. Lets just say im blessed with marriage. Things start to change and then I get frustrated because now i wish i wasnt married. You know what they say be careful what you wish for and then you finally regret because its not all that you expected it to be and now you have to put up with stuff. This man next to me is so annoying. (Hypothetically speaking) Sometimes i wish that about many people in my life because sometimes I just dont feel like being bothered.


I wish I wasnt like this at all. I hate that I have this longing in my heart. I have asked God to take it away. I dont like being so "lovey dovey". I hate that i love romance,showing affection,giving, sharing and wanting to please.
I wish i was hard and could focus on something more productive. All my life I had to fight this and so many times i lost the war. I know I try to post good things in here but my heart is heavy. This burden in my heart is to much. Is there any man out there who is worthy of all the love i have to give ? I am seriously contemplating on just giving it up for good because im not any closer to manifesting If anything im further. Yes,yes Elizabeth was barren and way past menopause and she gave birth to John the Baptist and yes Sarah(sari) was also barren and God finally gave her a child. 
Im sorry but im not trying to be an old bride. lets just say i want to go out there and just get any man. and give up on what i have been holding out on for over 10 yrs. what good does that do me ? I feel like im damned if i do and damned if i dont.

Sorry ladies for the vent but im being honest and Im only human

the pastor gave this sermon based on this passage


New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society


2 Corinthians 12:5-9 (New International Version)

5I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.

7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


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## **Tasha*Love** (Dec 9, 2008)

Thank you Bunny and Classimami,

I really, really needed what you both posted today.  There are so many threads going around about marriage.  They all seem to focus on what a man is looking for and what we can do to better ourselves. There is nothing wrong with focusing on bettering ourselves but after a year of reading these topics I have become a bit "paranoid". Like I have to be super perfect . This search for pefection has really put a damper on my self-esteem.  On Sunday night I was having a pity party for 1  and I realized that I a "ME" and "ME" will never be perfect.  I doubt that I will have sappy fairy tale ending but that does not mean that I cannot have happiness, right? I love to read but I think I have been reading a bit too much and it has affected my thought process. The devil loves to get us in a place of doubt and hopelessness :hardslap:.  I won't start out another day feeling like I am less than because of what I am not or areas that I lack in!!!

I am tired of analyzing myself and trying to figure out what is wrong with me. So what I need to clean off my dresser and hang up a few clothes? I go to a good job everyday, I am an excellent mother, I cook and take care of my financial business. I am a good friend and I know that I will be an awesome wife when God leads the right person to me.  All I can do in the meantime is live and focus on bettering myself.  Being a better me is not for the person that I will meet/marry but only for Me. 

I have been praying for clarity and both of your post was the confirmation that I needed.  No more of doubting myself!  Its time to embrace who I am and give greater love to the person that God created. Thanks from the bottom of my heart to the both of you! 




classimami713 said:


> Wow, Bunny, great post as usual.
> 
> Ladies, please free yourself from the mindset that something is wrong with you that needs to be fixed.  (Obviously, if you need counseling or debt management or whatever, that's a different story.  Those issues need to be dealt with--preferably before man shows up.  But these issues shouldn't preclude the man showing up.)  Rather, continue to be your best self and simply expect God's best.  You don't have to be perfect to find a great man.  If that was the case, a lot of people around you who are getting married wouldn't fit that criteria either.


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## Bunny77 (Dec 9, 2008)

gn1g said:


> too many martha's in here.
> 
> "Seek ye the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you."



I missed this post... went back to read the story of Mary and Martha... interesting lesson here...

"As Jesus and His disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," The Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42 NIV)


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## HeChangedMyName (Dec 9, 2008)

This is a great topic.  While it is good for a woman to be "ready" for a man, it is also good for a man to do the same.  Our perception of what _readiness_ is may need to be redefined by God.  We can't put worldly limitations on God and assume that we have to be a certain way for him to work a miracle in our lives.  Lately God has been ministering to me about the limitations we put on him and try to keep him in our neat little earthly boxes.  God has the power to make us ready in a blink of an eye.  "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
When we seek God the impossible becomes possible and the unlikely becomes whatever God intends it to be.  Look at all the heros and heroins of the Bible, many of them were not ready and according to the world's standards, they would have been counted out.  
I do agree that when the Holy Spirit begins to tug at you about things that you don't have in order, then it may not be for the benefit of the other person, but for your own benefit.  I get convicted often when I see that my house is not as neat as it should be or if I spend too many hours in cyber space being unproductive.  That is for me because when all things in my life are in order, then I can focus  more of my energy on God(not on the man that he created me for)


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## **Tasha*Love** (Dec 9, 2008)

Mitcy your last post was so touching.  I still believe that those thorns that you perceive to be in your flesh are the very things that make you super special.  The man that finds you will appreciate you even more because of your qualities.

Your honesty is refreshing and it is what makes you human - don't apologize for being you. I admire you strength, knowledge and the spirit that God has placed in you.  I am still in AWE at how you handled the work situation this past weekend.  You sharing that moment with me spoke volumes to my spirit.


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

Natasha2005 said:


> Mitcy your last post was so touching. I still believe that those thorns that you perceive to be in your flesh are the very things that make you super special. The man that finds you will appreciate you even more because of your qualities.
> 
> Your honesty is refreshing and it is what makes you human - don't apologize for being you. I admire you strength, knowledge and the spirit that God has placed in you. I am still in AWE at how you handled the work situation this past weekend. You sharing that moment with me spoke volumes to my spirit.


I agree, Mitcy is a jewel and very much on point with the word of God...


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## neenzmj (Dec 9, 2008)

I’m going to have to chime in with Bunny77.  My problem with the message of women “getting ready” for a mate is that it’s unbalanced.  By that I mean it only seems to focus on the externals:  how you look, how well you cook, how well you clean, how well you pay your bills.  Mind you, all these are important, but they don’t even BEGIN to address the most important characteristics for a woman in the marriage relationship – the inner person. 

  More than likely, we can all attract a man (initially) by looking good, cooking well, cleaning well and having our financial lives in order, but let me assure you all this is negated if you inner person is foul.  You may put your foot in every meal you cook.  You may clean house better than June Cleaver, but if your husband can’t stand being at home because of your attitude, all that cooking and cleaning means nothing.   If you really want to check out some things in your life, check these areas:  How’s your attitude?  Are you argumentative?  Have you taken your submission temperature lately?  How are your communication skills?  And here’s the big one:  SEX!  How willing are you to give up that attitude of controlling situations by withholding sex?  Are you willing to submit to the idea that your body is not your own?

  But in all the things I’ve listed above, I say even more emphatically:   Don’t try and “fix” these things in preparation for a mate.  First and foremost, any changes you make in your life should be because of what God has called you to be as an individual.   Second, do these things for yourself – to become a better person and to have a better life for you.  If you aren’t neat, clean your house for your own benefit.  If you can’t cook, learn to cook for your sake (to save money and to have healthier, more nutritious meals).  Pay your bills so that YOU are in a better financial position, with our without a mate (these things are also scriptural.)  If you address these areas for your benefit, they’re already in place when a husband comes your way.


Supporting scriptures:

  1 Timothy 3:11:   In the same way, their *wives* are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.


Proverbs 21:9:  Better to live on a corner of the roof  than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

  1 Corinthians 7:4:  The *wife*'s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his *wife*.

*Colossians **3:18*Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.


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## **Tasha*Love** (Dec 9, 2008)

This is a wonderful example Bunny.  Mary and Martha are two examples of how to view life.  Martha was so focused on making sure that everything was perfect for Jesus that she could not enjoy His presence.  Her gift  was right there in front of her but her mind was boggled down with what needed to be done and making sure that everything was pefect. I think we have all been there and done that??

But Mary sat everything aside and enjoyed the moment.  Those pressing issues that Martha saw as being important were non-existence in Mary's eyes. I know that my mind set has been that of Martha and it's time for change. 



Bunny77 said:


> I missed this post... went back to read the story of Mary and Martha... interesting lesson here...
> 
> "As Jesus and His disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
> 
> "Martha, Martha," The Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42 NIV)


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> I shouldn't laugh, but the way you describe the food is hilarious! Yes, thank God for your father!
> 
> I know another couple in which the wife couldn't cook a lick, and neither could the husband. But, they were rich and just ate out all the time.  Sounds good to me!
> 
> ...


Bunny, when my babies were 'babies' my bed has had Honey Nut Cherrios and every color of those fruit snacks, mysteriously within the blankets and sheets.   

The fruit snacks stuck to my pillows..... And none of my 'babies' would 'own up to it.'   

The little Darlings........


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## neenzmj (Dec 9, 2008)

As an added note:  I'm not June Cleaver.  I'm striving to have a neater house, but I'm not there yet.  My kids are grown and my stove probably gets turned on once a week.  I'm working on this, too.  I'm not the best at paying bills, but they usually make it in on time (we still have water, lights, gas and a roof over our heads!)  I am nowhere near having these things all in perfect order in my life, but I'm striving for it simply because I desire them for both me and my husband.  

I agree with the Martha Martha statement, though.  For me, spending quality time communicating with my husband wins out over a spic and span household and it seems to be the most important thing for him, too.  I think the key for me is making sure that I have balance in it all -- not spending so much quality time that we live in a junk yard, but not giving so much attention to cleaning and cooking that my marriage comes in second or third on the priority list.


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

Natasha2005 said:


> This is a wonderful example Bunny. Mary and Martha are two examples of how to view life. Martha was so focused on making sure that everything was perfect for Jesus that she could not enjoy His presence. Her gift was right there in front of her but her mind was boggled down with what needed to be done and making sure that everything was pefect. I think we have all been there and done that??
> 
> But Mary sat everything aside and enjoyed the moment. Those pressing issues that Martha saw as being important were non-existence in Mary's eyes. I know that my mind set has been that of Martha and it's time for change.


Natasha,  I totally agree with you.   

Guess what though?   It took me 'years' to understand this and to accept it.    

All I could think of was, Mary still didn't help in the kitchen and didn't wash not a one of the dirty dishes.   

I'm all right now.      I just don't cook....

And Natashaa, this didn't go over too well when we had guest speakers for Camp Meetings at Church and we fed the guests.    Sista' Jones was grabbing err' body to come and help up in the Church kitchen.   And she wasn't giving out free chicken wings either.  

Still, I understand and agree.   I was trying to lighten up a llittle. 

God bless you Light of God.


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## **Tasha*Love** (Dec 9, 2008)

Shimmie I was thinking the *same* thing when I first read their story! I was mad at Martha for not helping Mary!!!  We seems to gravitate to those that we identify with the most. Now my spirit wants to sit with Jesus as Martha did and marvel in His presence.   Sista Jones need to go back and read up on Martha and Mary as well! Those sista in the church kitchen can be mean can't they? 





Shimmie said:


> All I could think of was, Mary still didn't help in the kitchen and didn't wash not a one of the dirty dishes.


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## Bunny77 (Dec 9, 2008)

Wow ladies, I love how this thread has turned out! I've been blessed as well by so many comments... Classimami, Natasha, Mitcy, Shimmie, gn1g who brought up the Martha/Mary story in the first place (I didn't get it either back in the day), and everyone else I forgot (sowwy)!

I think all of us have probably been doing so much reading and thinking about marriage for a good period of time and what I've learned most is that I have to really be careful about the counsel I accept. Just because someone throws the word "God" into a message doesn't mean that it's from God... we could really go through the original post and start breaking things down sentence by sentence to show why the message is not very Godly at all! 

What neenzmj said here says it all... we are all becoming closer to God every day and when we are united with our husbands, it will only make our marriages better. But God is surely not "denying" us husbands because we haven't achieved some level of mastery in said practices...

*First and foremost, any changes you make in your life should be because of what God has called you to be as an individual. Second, do these things for yourself – to become a better person and to have a better life for you. If you aren’t neat, clean your house for your own benefit. If you can’t cook, learn to cook for your sake (to save money and to have healthier, more nutritious meals). Pay your bills so that YOU are in a better financial position, with our without a mate (these things are also scriptural.) If you address these areas for your benefit, they’re already in place when a husband comes your way.*


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## HeChangedMyName (Dec 9, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> Wow ladies, I love how this thread has turned out! I've been blessed as well by so many comments... Classimami, Natasha, Mitcy, Shimmie, gn1g who brought up the Martha/Mary story in the first place (I didn't get it either back in the day), and everyone else I forgot (sowwy)!
> 
> I think all of us have probably been doing so much reading and thinking about marriage for a good period of time and what I've learned most is that I have to really be careful about the counsel I accept. Just because someone throws the word "God" into a message doesn't mean that it's from God... we could really go through the original post and start breaking things down sentence by sentence to show why the message is not very Godly at all!
> 
> ...



I agree, this is a great thread.  I would like to add also that if we call ourselves children of God, let's get/keep ourselves together for God's sake.  Because we are representing him poorly if we can't even keep our worldly possessions in order.  People ought to look at our lives in awe, not so much because of us, but of what can do through us.  When we get to the point where we focus so much on fixing up ourselves, it makes it more difficult to just spread the Gospel and minister to those who need to hear a Word from God's body.


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## Kiadodie (Dec 9, 2008)

Natasha2005 said:


> Thank you Bunny and Classimami,
> 
> I really, really needed what you both posted today. There are so many threads going around about marriage. They all seem to focus on what a man is looking for and what we can do to better ourselves. There is nothing wrong with focusing on bettering ourselves but after a year of reading these topics I have become a bit "paranoid". Like I have to be super perfect . This search for pefection has really put a damper on my self-esteem. On Sunday night I was having a pity party for 1  and I realized that I a "ME" and "ME" will never be perfect. I doubt that I will have sappy fairy tale ending but that does not mean that I cannot have happiness, right? I love to read but I think I have been reading a bit too much and it has affected my thought process. The devil loves to get us in a place of doubt and hopelessness :hardslap:. I won't start out another day feeling like I am less than because of what I am not or areas that I lack in!!!
> 
> ...


 
Wow, Natasha..we are on the same page.   You know, the depression I was in was because i was being so hard on myself. Then God told me that He loved me *AS I AM*..not as I could be or should be.
This is what I'm doing now, being a better me.  I don't like to cook, and my husband will either enjoy cooking or we'll just eat out.  I know PLENTY of women that know how to cook and clean and are STILL single.  The man that God has already chose for me is going to love me for ME, that's how I look at it.


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## HeChangedMyName (Dec 9, 2008)

So I am excited that I can be hopeful that my husband will not mind the fact that I absolutely detest washing dishes.  lol  Maybe that is the compromise.  Maybe God pairs us up to be complementary. . . .I hate dishes, but love to make the  bathroom sparkle .  lol. Maybe hubby is opposite.


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## preciouzone (Dec 9, 2008)

Great thread, and thank you so much for your input Bunny. I'm in my early 20's and I've been hearing these same messages for years. 

My mother loves to threaten me that I will stay single if I don't learn how to cook and says that if I do get a husband, he'll leave me for someone else who can. I got 5 words for that... The devil is a liar!

I also felt in my spirit lately that when it comes to cooking, getting fit, etc. - that I should do it for myself or just plainly doing it for Gods glory and not to gain some external approval or a husband. 

*Preciouzone


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## Kiadodie (Dec 9, 2008)

I'm loving these positive posts!


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

SuperNova said:


> So I am excited that I can be hopeful that my husband will not mind the fact that I absolutely detest washing dishes. lol Maybe that is the compromise. Maybe God pairs us up to be complementary. . . .I hate dishes, but love to make the bathroom sparkle . lol. Maybe hubby is opposite.


 
Hey, I love this idea.   Make sure he has a special apron that says this:

*"I'm the 'Dish Man"*
*"Only Men Can Do This Better Than Women"*
​ 
It's all about Ego, brush his ego.


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## HeChangedMyName (Dec 9, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> Hey, I love this idea.   Make sure he has a special apron that says this:
> 
> *"I'm the 'Dish Man"*
> *"Only Men Can Do This Better Than Women"*
> ...




True  I think that's the same for men, whether married or not.  They like to "think" it was all their idea.  lol


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

preciouzone said:


> Great thread, and thank you so much for your input Bunny. I'm in my early 20's and I've been hearing these same messages for years.
> 
> My mother loves to threaten me that I will stay single if I don't learn how to cook and says that if I do get a husband, he'll leave me for someone else who can.
> 
> ...


@ the bolded    I love it!

Personally, I love to cook and cook quite well; especially baking, I just don't always feel like cooking....  

It will be salads and grapes for desert all the way.


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

SuperNova said:


> True I think that's the same for men, whether married or not. *They like to "think" it was all their idea.* lol


  Yup    AND I will happily 'feed' to them all day and all night.  

(_Soft whispers in his ear, pillow talk_)...

_"Baby......... you know the way you cleaned dem' dishes tonight was sumptin' Baby..... really sumpin'.    Wowwwwwww.... Baby, you shourrrr' do know how to bust dem' suds and stuff.   And dem' suds didn't even spill not once on the floor and make a mess.     _

_Wowwww, Baby, you are sumpin'.   You're so masculine with those dishes.  You really turn me on when I see you dry them and put them away and stuff.    _

Wowwwwwwwww, my man.    


  I know....... Shimmie is full of it.... 

But my dishes will be washed....  

Next, he'll be doing the laundrry and then the ironing.


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## cocoberry10 (Dec 9, 2008)

You have really spoken some truth.  

I can be silly, so I'll say it like this.  In some marriages, the husband cooks, either because of their schedule, or because he's a better cook

As your bolded addresses, it's important to be on point for the Lord, first and foremost.

Also, I think we are always focusing on the externals as you said.

But I'm not going to lie. I do have expectations from that man too. I expect him to be responsible, etc. I am not his mother, and I don't want a man that thinks he's marrying his mom. If he couldn't take care of himself without me, why would I believe he can take care of our family, and be the provider and protector?

I feel God has really gotten me to start addressing those questions I just asked above.  As women, the world, the church and our families always focuses on "when you (female) are going to get married," and "when you as the female are going to have children," like we are going to do that stuff on our own.

It's JUST as important that the man has his stuff together too. Marriage is not going to be easy, so I do desire someone who realizes that, and I also realize that.

Maturity is also important (and you addressed that too).  As I said in my last post, enjoy your life now.  Sometimes, people get so caught up in getting married, that they forget that, and when they get married, they realize, "oops," no more girls weekends (or limited), no more running to Joan's house to go shopping!

Don't lose sight of today!



neenzmj said:


> I’m going to have to chime in with Bunny77. My problem with the message of women “getting ready” for a mate is that it’s unbalanced. By that I mean it only seems to focus on the externals: how you look, how well you cook, how well you clean, how well you pay your bills. Mind you, all these are important, but they don’t even BEGIN to address the most important characteristics for a woman in the marriage relationship – the inner person.
> 
> *More than likely, we can all attract a man (initially) by looking good, cooking well, cleaning well and having our financial lives in order, but let me assure you all this is negated if you inner person is foul. You may put your foot in every meal you cook. You may clean house better than June Cleaver, but if your husband can’t stand being at home because of your attitude, all that cooking and cleaning means nothing. If you really want to check out some things in your life, check these areas: How’s your attitude? Are you argumentative? Have you taken your submission temperature lately? How are your communication skills? And here’s the big one: SEX! How willing are you to give up that attitude of controlling situations by withholding sex? Are you willing to submit to the idea that your body is not your own?*
> 
> ...


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

Natasha2005 said:


> Shimmie I was thinking the *same* thing when I first read their story! I was mad at Martha for not helping Mary!!!  We seems to gravitate to those that we identify with the most. Now my spirit wants to sit with Jesus as Martha did and marvel in His presence.  Sista Jones need to go back and read up on Martha and Mary as well!
> 
> *Those sista in the church kitchen can be mean can't they? *


 
Lord, can't they though.   I'm scurrred of Sista Jones and em'     I'll sit up front with Pastor and the guests where she can't get me.


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

This thread is funny.   We don't play.     We get married and make our husbands work...................... for us.  

Shoot, ain't no man changing me...... Uh - Uh.....


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

Natasha2005 said:


> Thank you Bunny and Classimami,
> 
> I really, really needed what you both posted today. There are so many threads going around about marriage. They all seem to focus on what a man is looking for and what we can do to better ourselves. There is nothing wrong with focusing on bettering ourselves but after a year of reading these topics I have become a bit "paranoid". Like I have to be super perfect . This search for pefection has really put a damper on my self-esteem. On Sunday night I was having a pity party for 1  and I realized that I a "ME" and "ME" will never be perfect. I doubt that I will have sappy fairy tale ending but that does not mean that I cannot have happiness, right? I love to read but I think I have been reading a bit too much and it has affected my thought process. The devil loves to get us in a place of doubt and hopelessness :hardslap:. I won't start out another day feeling like I am less than because of what I am not or areas that I lack in!!!
> 
> ...


 
Natashaa.....  

Love it, love it, love it.    

We are not in bondage!  Growth, yes; correction yes!  Bondage, no!


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## preciouzone (Dec 9, 2008)

Yes, I love to bake as well. One thing I always say that when I do have a family that we are not going to starve... 
--- Imma do what I gotta do. And I'm pretty good at following recipes. 






Shimmie said:


> @ the bolded    I love it!
> 
> Personally, I love to cook and cook quite well; especially baking, I just don't always feel like cooking....
> 
> It will be salads and grapes for desert all the way.


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

preciouzone said:


> Yes, I love to bake as well. One thing I always say that when I do have a family that we are not going to starve...
> --- Imma do what I gotta do. And I'm pretty good at following recipes.


  to that  

The thing is not to tire and burn ourselves out, for fear of not having or losing a man if we don't do such and thus.  Gee, if I have to do all of that to be married, than it's not marriage, it's prison.   The ball and chain is on my ankles.................not his.  

Just kidding.  I take this very seriously, though.  To change what God says and not fear if I'm not Mrs. Perfect.  For no man (or woman) can serve two masters.  We'll serve one and hate the other.   We only one person.   The first to be served is God, then our husbands, order pizza amd use paper plates.


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## Highly Favored8 (Dec 9, 2008)

WOW this is Beautiful Mitcy. I have been so hard on myself in the year 2008. However, this post is so right on time. Thank you again.


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## chicacanella (Dec 9, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> OUCH! :blush3:
> 
> Father God, please forgive me for the 'clutter in my 'spriit, and in my home; I allow yoiu to lead me and guide me in clearing out all that does not pertain to Godliness, so that I can be peaceful and relaxed in all; but most of all peaceful in you and in my husband.
> 
> ...


 
O Gosh! that spoke to me directly! I am going to start practicing now what I need to do to be a good wife!


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

chicacanella said:


> O Gosh! that spoke to me directly! I am going to start practicing now what I need to do to be a good wife!


 Precious Chica....   


But we still get to have a nanny and a maid.....  

I need time to do my dance... :reddancer:  (for him :blush3: )


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## rayness (Dec 10, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> I shouldn't laugh, but the way you describe the food is hilarious! Yes, thank God for your father!
> 
> I know another couple in which the wife couldn't cook a lick, and neither could the husband. But, they were rich and just ate out all the time.  Sounds good to me!
> 
> ...


 

One quality that I am praying for in my husband is that he can cook.  Don't get me wrong I can cook and if I had not gone to nursing school I would have gone to culinary school.  But it sure is nice to have a home cooked waiting for YOU when you get home.  Well in my case a home cooked breakfast because I work nights.  And I still want that cleaning service.


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## rayness (Dec 10, 2008)

I too struggle with being single.  But I have to say only at times.  Not nearly as much as I used too because when I start to worry about it I just cast that thought up to God and say to myself I have to trust and have faith in God and I almost instantly feel better.  I don't even want to type how many times that I have been engaged.  I know that I have no choice but to wait on God because every time not only do I choose wrong they have been the total opposite of what I have asked God for.  

I asked for a man who likes to go to plays and to movies and not night clubs, I picked the man who likes to go to the club every weekend and a couple days during the week.  

I asked for a man who likes to go out to nice restaurants, I picked the man who thinks Appleby's is a fancy restaurant.

I asked for a man who can sing like me and likes Christian music, I pick the man who is tone deaf and is heavily into rap.

I ask for a man who has a nice car (I had a nice car at the time) I pick the man who has not one but two hoopties or no car at all.  

Well I am sure you all are getting my point and all of them are true by the way.  So yeah there are some things that I am working on because I don't want to bring any bad habits into a marriage.  I know everything about me will not be perfect and the same with him but it sure is helpful to bring good qualities and together we can work on the bad to make them good.  And I am sorry if this does not make sense I am sleep deprived right now.


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## aribell (Dec 10, 2008)

I just thought this article was apropos.  It's only selected parts, the original can be found here:  http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001480.cfm

Seven Myths Single Women Believe  

by Suzanne Hadley  


Sarah wrestled with God. For five years she had served as a resident director at a small Bible college. Each day, young women would knock on the door of Sarah's small dorm apartment. The petite, soft-spoken brunette would fix them tea and listen as they poured out their hearts.

"If I could just get my life on track," a 19-year-old would moan. "Then God would bring a godly man into my life."

Sarah spoke encouraging words, but inside she felt annoyed. I'm in my late 20s and unmarried. What issue do you think I need to work on?

As Sarah wrestled with this contradiction, she discovered something: She and the women around her were succumbing to lies about their singleness. Some of these myths had been instilled in them as little girls growing up in Christian homes (e.g., if you follow God and keep yourself pure, someday He will bring you "the one"). Others seemed founded in a simplistic rewards system (e.g., when you've learned to fully trust in the Lord, then He will bless you with a spouse). Still others seemed to grow out of unrealistic expectations (e.g., when you are married, you will no longer be lonely).

Sarah noticed the enemy was using these myths to discourage women and leave them feeling spiritually defeated. The lies reinforced ungodly perspectives of their relationship with Christ ("I'm not deserving of a husband" or "God views me as a useful tool") and taught them to believe things about marriage that simply were not true ("Marriage equals spiritual maturity").

Here are seven of the most deadly myths:

*God will give me a husband when I'm ready. *I recently spoke with a friend in her 30s who casually said the reason she was not yet married was because evidently the Lord had decided she was not "ready." Whether they say it or not, many single women believe that procuring a spouse is somehow performance based. If I were just godly enough, the Lord would give me a husband.

Not true! There is a danger in equating marriage with spiritual maturity. God teaches us to depend on Him as singles, but these lessons are not reserved for the mate-less. All of us are sinners, which means we are all constantly striving to crucify the flesh and be more like Christ.

Being in a single state may or may not have anything to do with your readiness. It likely has more to do with God's timing. If you are daily allowing the Lord to mold you into His image, you are probably ready to be in a Christ-centered relationship. Realizing this may allow you to be more alert to the godly men around you.

God views me more as a useful tool than a beloved child. As a gifted resident assistant, Sarah sometimes felt like Psalm 37:4 didn't apply to her: "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Instead of believing that God cared about her dreams, Sarah suspected He was withholding these things because she was more useful to Him in a single state.

People have often told me, "God has allowed you to be single so you might do these things for Him!" While I know these people are seeking to encourage me, my gut reaction is, Why me? It's true that God may set us apart for a season of singleness, but that doesn't mean He is indifferent to our dreams.

Matthew 7:11 says, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" God views you a cherished child — never a utilitarian object. A loving Father will give you good gifts at just the right time.


*There must be something wrong with me.* If I could just figure out what it is, I could fix it and guys would start showing interest. For a long time I believed that if I were thinner, I would attract a husband. Magazines with images of women with flawless skin and model-thin bodies fuel that inner voice that says, You're not thin enough. You're not pretty enough. Or worse, I wonder if it's my personality. I talk too much. Or I laugh at the wrong times. Or I'm too assertive. It's easy to look at married women and wonder: Why them and not me?

The truth is, most of the things I suspect are lacking in me, fall under the category of charm and beauty. Scripture says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30). The things I should be concerned about improving are spiritual in nature. Am I submitting to Christ? Am I manifesting the fruit of the Spirit? Do I have a gentle and quiet spirit? The right kind of man will be attracted to these qualities.

*The older I get, the less likely it is that I will find someone. *"God is not bound by odds!" Sarah says. While Sarah was still working at the college, she attracted the attention of a godly man. He sought her out, even learning of her character by questioning her friends. Mark and Sarah married when she was 29. Today the couple serves together in Lithuania.

As you pass the average marrying age, it can be tempting to panic. It's helpful to remember Paul's words in Romans 11:36: "For from him and through him and to him are all things." All things. As you cultivate godly attitudes and avoid damaging lies, you allow the Lord to pour out the things He has for you. That way, when the right guy comes along, you'll be ready.




Copyright © 2007 Suzanne Hadley. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. This article was published on Boundless.org on April 5, 2007.


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## empressaja (Dec 10, 2008)

SuperNova said:


> I agree, this is a great thread.  I would like to add also that if we call ourselves children of God, let's get/keep ourselves together for God's sake.  Because we are representing him poorly if we can't even keep our worldly possessions in order.  People ought to look at our lives in awe, not so much because of us, but of what can do through us.  When we get to the point where we focus so much on fixing up ourselves, it makes it more difficult to just spread the Gospel and minister to those who need to hear a Word from God's body.



I agree that is why it never fit in my spirit to be a "That Girl". ( I know it's off topic a bit) It just seems like spending a lot of time to "look" like a woman who has it all together and not necessarily having it together. I mean we cannot change ourselves he does the changing I don't want to be so focused on changing external things that I can't be sensitive to the quiet nudge of the Holy Spirit. 

The messages that I've heard lately just seem to be works, works, works,  change this, fix this have this and that vision about what we should want for our lives instead being still and working our faith and waiting on the Lord.


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## Shimmie (Dec 10, 2008)

birdie said:


> I agree that is why it never fit in my spirit to be a "That Girl". ( I know it's off topic a bit) It just seems like spending a lot of time to "look" like a woman who has it all together and not necessarily having it together. I mean we cannot change ourselves he does the changing I don't want to be so focused on changing external things that I can't be sensitive to the quiet nudge of the Holy Spirit.
> 
> The messages that I've heard lately just seem to be works, works, works, change this, fix this have this and that vision about what we should want for our lives instead being still and working our faith and waiting on the Lord.


You're right about this.  We have to be real and remain real.   There's nothing wrong with looking and being at our best and striving for improvemen .... growth.    But to be a 'put on', always falls out of a bra. 

Just be who you are and Grow from there.    Beautiful


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## Shimmie (Dec 10, 2008)

rayness said:


> I too struggle with being single. But I have to say only at times. Not nearly as much as I used too because when I start to worry about it I just cast that thought up to God and say to myself I have to trust and have faith in God and I almost instantly feel better. I don't even want to type how many times that I have been engaged. I know that I have no choice but to wait on God because every time not only do I choose wrong they have been the total opposite of what I have asked God for.
> 
> I asked for a man who likes to go to plays and to movies and not night clubs, I picked the man who likes to go to the club every weekend and a couple days during the week.
> 
> ...



I'm not worried about the if /when I marry, but it's *after* I marry because of my hair care regime and all of these hair care band wagons I keep jumping on and off of, I can't afford to be imperfect for my husband.  

 Silk/Satin Pillow Cases to sleep on to protect my hair ---  Silk / Satin Nighties to Sleep in.

I don't know I'm gonna look at bedtime, cause I gotta keep my hair wrapped to protect it. 

I don't eat regular food much anymore.  I have Seaweed, Flax Seed, Ezekiel Sprout Breads, Raw Veggies (not cooked), Protein Smoothies, Kitchen loaded with Vitamins Supplements from A to Z and back again.

I won't even try to explain to him why I have horse care products all over the house.   Mega Tek, Eqyss, Ovation, MTG.   All this time he was calling me a sweet 'Filly' and didn't know that I really was.... 

He thought he was marrying a Black woman, but I have all these oils and Henna's from India.   "Umm, Baby, What's a Bhrami Oil?"

He's gonna think I'm married to the UPS man cause the boxes he brings me have 'Honey Fig' on it.

Then he's gonna wonder if I live in the woods or sumpin' cause he sees labels everywhere "From Nature With Love"

OH!  Then it's the Waist Cinchers and Pink Skates Hot Body Challenge.    "Baby, what is deal here?"

I don't know how I'm gonna tell him that Urea is sterile and that he's been kissing my sweet 'pee' face all this time.   

When I tell him I'm oil pulling, then he's really gonna wonder if I am insane.

 Don't know how I'm gonna tell him why I have coffee grounds in the shower.   Umm, they are excellent for cellulite.   I mix them with oil for a good body scrub.

 He'll never believe that ACV (Apple ?Cider Vinegar) had so many uses).

 Well, his teeth will be nice and white, from the dozen of boxes of baking soda.


Welll, I leave that one in prayer.......

Now I gotta figure out how to explain what I do with all of that Vicks Vapo Rub? 

Hey, I gotta be me.   

ETA:  I also asked the Lord for a man that loves to sing / especially worship songs to the Lord and love songs (Love Ballards) to me.


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## nychaelasymone (Dec 10, 2008)

Shimmie said:


> I don't know I'm gonna look at bedtime, cause I gotta keep my hair wrapped to protect it.
> 
> I don't eat regular food much anymore. I have Seaweed, Flax Seed, Ezekiel Sprout Breads, Raw Veggies (not cooked), Protein Smoothies, Kitchen loaded with Vitamins Supplements from A to Z and back again.
> 
> ...



Shimmie, you are a too funny


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## aribell (Dec 10, 2008)

Shimmie, I've thought about the *exact* same thing.  One of the ladies on the other boards has a cartoon of a husband getting all excited because his wife is in the kitchen cooking up something that smells real good, and then he finds out it's just another one of her hair recipes.   



Shimmie said:


> I'm not worried about the if /when I marry, but it's *after* I marry because of my hair care regime and all of these hair care band wagons I keep jumping on and off of, I can't afford to be imperfect for my husband.
> 
> I don't know I'm gonna look at bedtime, cause I gotta keep my hair wrapped to protect it.
> 
> ...


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## Shimmie (Dec 10, 2008)

nychaelasymone said:


> Shimmie, you are a too funny





nicola.kirwan said:


> Shimmie, I've thought about the *exact* same thing. One of the ladies on the other boards has a cartoon of a husband getting all excited because his wife is in the kitchen cooking up something that smells real good, and then he finds out it's just another one of her hair recipes.


Oh now that's funny; her hubby must have been, 'Huh"??

Gee, Ladies, I dunno what I'ma do.....  

*BUT *here's another recipe for us ladies.   I'm gonna try this one: 

Enjoy!   :Rose:   :Rose:   :Rose:

*Cranberry Lip Gloss  *

*http://www.honey.com/consumers/recipes/textversion.asp?RecipeID=1286*

Ingredients:

1 Tablespoon sweet almond oil ​
10 fresh cranberries ​
1 teaspoon honey ​
1 drop vitamin E oil ​
*Directions: *

Mix all the ingredients together in a microwave-safe bowl.  Microwave for two minutes or until the mixture just begins to boil. (Bowl may also be heated in a pan of water on a stovetop). ​
Stir well and gently crush the berries. Cool mixture for five minutes and then strain through a fine sieve to remove all the fruit pieces. 

Stir again and set aside to cool completely. When cool, transfer into a small portable plastic container or tin.

Apply a small amount onto your lips and remember to smile!

*Tips*​*Protect sensitive lips from the drying winter elements with this simple yet rich lip balm. Delightful to wear alone or on top of your lipstick for extra shine!

Important Note: 

Honey should not be fed to infants under one year of age. Honey is a safe and wholesome food for children and adults.

© National Honey Board 
11409 Business Park Circle Ste 210, Firestone, CO 80504 
Phone: (303) 776-2337 Fax: (303) 776-1177 

___________________________

Know what angels?

I think I'll try this with 'fresh cherries' too.  

I'm even thinking about substituting Cranberry or Cherry Concentrate (full strength) instead of fresh cranberries or cherries.  Seems easier. 
*


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## MichelleMyBelle (Dec 10, 2008)

I am a work in progress. I honestly do try to improve.  Sometimes I just fail. I ask for forgivness and try again.   I suspect that my 'prince' is working to be the best Christian he can be also.  


Thanks for this thread it was a good read.


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## HeChangedMyName (Dec 11, 2008)

birdie said:


> I agree that is why it never fit in my spirit to be a "That Girl". ( I know it's off topic a bit) It just seems like spending a lot of time to "look" like a woman who has it all together and not necessarily having it together. I mean we cannot change ourselves he does the changing I don't want to be so focused on changing external things that I can't be sensitive to the quiet nudge of the Holy Spirit.
> 
> The messages that I've heard lately just seem to be works, works, works,  change this, fix this have this and that vision about what we should want for our lives instead being still and working our faith and waiting on the Lord.




I tried to be that girl for such a long time, but it never worked out and it was WAAAAAAAAYYYYY too much work and too much of a distraction to maintain.  It seems that to be "That Girl" takes a mild touch of OCD and I just don't have it.  I can't see putting so much time into myself that I neglect all other things in my life so I can "be" fabulous.  

I say we redefine "that girl"  as being that girl whose focus is so tied on God that he miraculously works things out on our behalf.


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## aribell (Dec 11, 2008)

SuperNova said:


> I say we redefine "that girl" as being that girl whose focus is so tied on God that he miraculously works things out on our behalf.


 
I like that.


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## HeChangedMyName (Dec 11, 2008)

nicola.kirwan said:


> I like that.



I say we start a Challenge. . . . .   Lord knows I need a challenge.


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## amara11 (Dec 12, 2008)

I have to respectfully disagree that being "That Girl" and being Christ centered/focused are mutually exclusive. If you allow it to become your idol, then yes it is wrong. But it is very possible to care for yourself physically without it being of sacrifice to the spirit. "That girl" is subjective. One person's definition of caring for her appearance may be vastly different than another's. 

You do what you need to do to take care of and cherish the temple God gave you. If it's too much of a burden for you- that's fine, but don't assume that because it takes you too much time, or it takes you away from your communion with God, that it also does the same for other women. Balance is indeed possible. 

Many could say the same about women who desire healthy long hair (which is everyone on the board) that it's too much (regimens, daily and weekly maintenence), and takes the focus off of the spirit and fellowship with Christ, but clearly we know this does not have to be true. The same is also true for those who think the same of the rest of their temples- skin, hair, and physical fitness.


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## Iammoney (Jun 13, 2011)

bump bump bump


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## aribell (Jun 13, 2011)

This is a very timely bump!  I'm going to attach some reading I did today.  The first link is to a blogpost on young women today with a video of a Voddie Baucham sermon on biblical womanhood.  Very much worth listening to!  (but you have to select the right one)

http://thelatterdays.blogspot.com/2011/03/turning-from-spirit-of-whoredoms.html

The blog talks a little about how we are to attract men, and given the above discussion of "that girl" it might be helpful.  Basically, the question is, "To what aspect of ourselves are we seeking to draw men?"


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## Shimmie (Jun 13, 2011)

blqlady said:


> bump bump bump





nicola.kirwan said:


> This is a very timely bump!


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## Prudent1 (Jun 13, 2011)

I <3 Voddie Baucham!! Ok, off to listen to his sermon.


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## Renewed1 (Jun 13, 2011)

nicola.kirwan said:


> This is a very timely bump!  I'm going to attach some reading I did today.  The first link is to a blogpost on young women today with a video of a Voddie Baucham sermon on biblical womanhood.  Very much worth listening to!  (but you have to select the right one)
> 
> http://thelatterdays.blogspot.com/2011/03/turning-from-spirit-of-whoredoms.html
> 
> The blog talks a little about how we are to attract men, and given the above discussion of "that girl" it might be helpful.  Basically, the question is, "To what aspect of ourselves are we seeking to draw men?"



I read her entire blog. I agreed with most of it. But I believe the "feminist movement" wasn't entirely bad. But I did enjoy her blog.


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## Poohbear (Jun 13, 2011)

Bunny77 said:


> Mitcy, thanks for your posts. You definitely put up some thought-provoking pieces on the topic of marriage!
> 
> Anyway, I'm gonna have to dissent somewhat on this person's message. Now I do agree that we singles might have missed a good man because we were with the wrong one or focused on the wrong one, but I also think that this is more of the same misinformation that is delivered to single black women and given a religious/Christian slant instead of getting to the real issues as to why many of us remain single.
> 
> ...



MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!!


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## Renewed1 (Jun 13, 2011)

^^^I miss Bunny. She always gave good insight into relationships. I admired her because, for me, I knew she spent time thinking about the concept of relationships.


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