# Scenarios -- What Would You Do?



## Shimmie (Nov 1, 2011)

As a Christian, how would you handle certain situations in life?    

Please feel free to share your heart.   Share a situation, and see how other Christians would handle it.   

Note:  We all know that prayer is our answer, so in addition to your answers, please share your prayer.  

*Scenario* 

You're in a store and you see a customer stealing food items from the store.   As you look further, you realize  that this person is a member of your church.    

What would you do?   Give real responses, don't hold back.   Such as your first reaction; your first thought; your feelings; etc.


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## Rainbow Dash (Nov 1, 2011)

I would make sure all my valuables are on lock around this person. I would not invite them to my house. Depending on who the person is, determines whether or not I would say something to them. I would definitely tell my husband and try not to tell anyone else.


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 1, 2011)

Honestly, I would approach them:
(I would make sure they were reeally stealing, make sure I wouldnt
"seeing " things )


And honestly it depends Is this a new convert? Is this a member who has been in the ministry for awhile? (Some people should know better)!!

I would approach them and ask them whats going? Why do they feel like they need to steal? Or they in a financial bind? What can I do to help them? Then I would tell them how God feels about it. I would tell them that God will provide for them and all they have to do is ask and He shall supply the need? I will tell them their family in Christ cares for them and if they are need,all they have to do is ask.

Now, you did say GROCERY store, so they stealing food because they hungry? Of course STEALING is STEALING..its wrong...but I will have a lil more mercy on some trying to take some bread to have some food to eat...versus someone stealing a purse or shoes or something.


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## crlsweetie912 (Nov 1, 2011)

I would immediately pray that God heightens their conscience so that they repent for their sins.  I wouldn't want to judge them or make a harsh statement, because I don't really know what they have been/are going through.  
Then the next time I saw them I would start up conversation to see if I could get to know what the issue was (loss of job, spouse, etc)  And lastly no matter what I found out, I would find some way to be a blessing to them (card with money, giftcard to the market, clothes, whatever)


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## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Nov 1, 2011)

I'd approach the person find out why were they stealing....

Not sure if it's a need (the church should be helping in this area or maybe I can help)

And if they have a stealing problem that they need deliverance from...


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## LongTimeComing (Nov 1, 2011)

I'd approach them and ask what was going on. Definitely add them to my prayer list either for the need to be met or the compulsion to disappear.


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## mrselle (Nov 1, 2011)

My first thought would be, "What in the world???" followed by "Why???" followed by me shaking my head.  Then I would feel bad for being judgmental.  This economy is something else.  People are hitting rock bottom and losing hope.  You never know what a person is going through when they leave the four walls of the church.  Not everyone goes home to a peaceful life and warm home where all their needs and a lot of their wants have been met.  I would pray for the person.  Unless we were close like family, I wouldn't approach the person because I wouldn't want to risk alienating him/her and possibly discouraging them from coming to church out of embarassment.  All of this is assuming that the person is stealing because there is no money for food.


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## Shimmie (Nov 1, 2011)

Thank you, each of you.   

I realized something today, that God is preparing us for the unexpected and the big question is, _"What would you do?"    _

May I share with you what I did?  I also have more questions.    

Yes, I saw someone stealing.  I was sitting at my desk today and out of no where I remembered this incident that I witnessed.

I was in Target a few months ago, and as I was walking down the aisles just looking, browsing at items randomly, I saw a woman stealing food items.  She had a little tote bag and she was putting the food in the bag.    

I was frozen in my tracks.  I thought I was imagining this.   I just stood there trying to make sure that I wasn't seeing things.   She looked up and saw me and she stopped and moved around as if she was just looking at items on the shelf.   At first I was angry, then I felt sorry for being angry.   Then I felt that I was wrong for not looking for a manager.   My mind was having a rush of thoughts and I was literally frozen and didn't know what to do.   I remember thinking, why did I have to be here; why did I see this?

I watched her walk down the aisle and out of sight.   My thoughts, 'look for a manager or one of the staff members.   Not one staff person was in sight.   

I need to clarify that I did not know this person.   She was not a member of my Church, yet today as I remembered this incident,  I wondered what would I have done if this had been a Church member or someone that I knew otherwise?  

*My Questions; please address:  *

What made me freeze up?   Why did I just stand there?

Why didn't I make a stronger effort to find a manager or staff person?  

If either of you were with me that day, how would you have reacted to my reaction?   

Ladies remembering this has me thinking of a host of life's Scenarios of 'What would you do?'.   

Please share your answers and please share Scenarios for us to think, share answers and pray about.   I'm looking forward to hearing from you, my sisters in Christ, for we have the same mind and are of like precious faith.


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## mrselle (Nov 1, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> Thank you, each of you.
> 
> I realized something today, that God is preparing us for the unexpected and the big question is, _"What would you do?"    _
> 
> ...



Maybe the tote was one of those reusable totes that people use instead of plastic or paper bags?  Just a thought.  Things are not always what they seem.


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

mrselle said:


> Maybe the tote was one of those reusable totes that people use instead of plastic or paper bags?  Just a thought.  Things are not always what they seem.



Thanks mrselle 

That's what I thought at first and wanted so much to believe.  Her position (trying to hide her actions) was too obvious.   

I kept trying to replay this in my mind over and over and it's always the same, she was stealing.    I stood there frozen in silence.    Why?


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## TraciChanel (Nov 2, 2011)

mrselle said:


> Maybe the tote was one of those reusable totes that people use instead of plastic or paper bags? Just a thought. Things are not always what they seem.


 
mrselle, Funny, that was the first thing I thought after reading Shimmie's post.  But, Shimmie, if you think she was stealing, she probably was. Maybe it's just my personality, but I wouldn't have told the manager (unless I was questioned for some reason). I think that you froze up initially because witnessing a person stealing is shocking and also because it goes against your ethical values. Maybe you didn't make an effort to find a manager because you felt sympathy for the lady(?) - I'm not sure. Again, if I were in your shoes, I would have remained silent. There are cameras all over the store, monitoring theft. I feel either way, she's going to be caught stealing sooner rather than later. Some people steal for the sake of stealing, and others steal because they are hungry. Who knows why she was stealing. I would pray for the Lord to have mercy on her and to send her a blessing if she was stealing out of need.


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

TraciChanel said:


> mrselle, Funny, that was the first thing I thought after reading Shimmie's post.  But, Shimmie, if you think she was stealing, she probably was. Maybe it's just my personality, but I wouldn't have told the manager (unless I was questioned for some reason). I think that you froze up initially because witnessing a person stealing is shocking and also because it goes against your ethical values. Maybe you didn't make an effort to find a manager because you felt sympathy for the lady(?) - I'm not sure. Again, if I were in your shoes, I would have remained silent. There are cameras all over the store, monitoring theft. I feel either way, she's going to be caught stealing sooner rather than later. Some people steal for the sake of stealing, and others steal because they are hungry. Who knows why she was stealing. I would pray for the Lord to have mercy on her and to send her a blessing if she was stealing out of need.



Thanks TraciChanel, both you and mrselle are completely right regarding 'perhaps' she was using the tote instead of a shopping cart.  This is what I wanted so much to think.  

I haven't been back to that Target since.


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## wednesday (Nov 2, 2011)

I would approach them and talk to them, let them know i saw them and then if i am able to, i would purchase the items for them.


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 2, 2011)

Honestly, if I didnt know them, I dont know what I would do. I really dont. But if God was leading me to say something I would have, because I know God would have strengthened me to do so . If not I wouldve just prayed for them and walk away. Alot of times we see things and think that we should automatically confront the situation but maybe God just want us to intercede for them. The bible says ," Those who are LED by the Spirit are the sons of God...". 

Shimmie, dont feel bad, maybe God just wasnt leading you to approach the lady. You dont know what God could have been saving you from. She couldve had a knife, anything, you never know, people are crazy these days.

But when God wants us to react, He always give us a strong unction to do so.


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## Laela (Nov 2, 2011)

Shimmie, she probably was looking at you wondering why you staring her down like that... 




Shimmie said:


> Thanks TraciChanel, both you and mrselle are completely right regarding 'perhaps' she was using the tote instead of a shopping cart.  This is what I wanted so much to think.
> 
> I haven't been back to that Target since.


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 2, 2011)




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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> Honestly, if I didnt know them, I dont know what I would do. I really dont. But if God was leading me to say something I would have, because I know God would have strengthened me to do so . If not I wouldve just prayed for them and walk away. Alot of times we see things and think that we should automatically confront the situation but maybe God just want us to intercede for them. The bible says ," Those who are LED by the Spirit are the sons of God...".
> 
> Shimmie, dont feel bad, maybe God just wasnt leading you to approach the lady. You dont know what God could have been saving you from. She couldve had a knife, anything, you never know, people are crazy these days.
> 
> But when God wants us to react, He always give us a strong unction to do so.



Thanks Love...


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

Laela said:


> Shimmie, she probably was looking at you wondering why you staring her down like that...





Alicialynn86 said:


>



 

Laela...    "Touché"    

However, Laela and Alicialynn86  Ima' get yall for laughing at me.  

This is serious.    

But Laela, you know you're right, cause I was standing there frozen and just staring at her in disbelief that I was seeing what I was 'seeing'.


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## Laela (Nov 2, 2011)

^^ awww..sowwy.. wasn't making light of the situation, I use those non-plastic tote bags at the grocery store..but the food gets put in them at the end of the conveyor belt.. 

Seriously, this a difficult scenario because I'm not sure how I'd react at first. With it being a church member and me being the person I am, my first inclination would be to go over and speak to them.


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

Laela said:


> ^^ awww..sowwy.. wasn't making light of the situation, I use those non-plastic tote bags at the grocery store..but the food gets put in them at the end of the conveyor belt..
> 
> Seriously, this a difficult scenario because I'm not sure how I'd react at first. With it being a church member and me being the person I am, my first inclination would be to go over and speak to them.



Hey, that was funny and it was the truth.   

I know you were teasing me.    Let's face it, how often do I post an issue...    A frozen one at that... 

Laela...

_Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday Precious Laela...

Happy Birthday to you.    _


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 2, 2011)

Lets do a new scenario!!!


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> Lets do a new scenario!!!



Yes, indeed.  I've been askin' for the longest... 

Please share, Loved Ones...  

It can be a real life episode like mine or a hypothetical case, or even one you know that happened to someone else.


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## Guitarhero (Nov 2, 2011)

"An elderly, married  parishioner your family is good friends with  sees you at the bus stop and lights up in smile to see you.  He then mumbles other things that are incoherent except the part about saying he's going to go get his car and bring it around and take you home so he can give you a kiss.  His misunderstanding as you say, "un huh ," gives him more delight.  You stand there with other people at the bus stop, in shock and, luckily, the bus has arrived while he's gone to get his car.  You breathe a sigh of relief but notice that one of the ladies standing there waiting has this disgusting look of indignance ...AT YOU...not at the elder.  What do you do?"

What did I do?
Held my head up.  I avoided embarassing him even more and I certainly didn't go against my morals (if I could ever have stomached such :vomit: ).  That lady, from the looks of her, couldn't wait to get home and spill gossip, changing up the story to something erroneously sordid.  She also looked at me ugly on the bus with a stink face, like I was a dirty girl.  Oh well.   What would YOU have done differently?  Sorry for the edits...I have keyboard issues and it's glitchy.


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

Guitarhero said:


> "An elderly, married  parishioner your family is good friends with  sees you at the bus stop and lights up in smile to see you.
> 
> He then mumbles other things that are incoherent except the part about saying he's going to go get his car and bring it around and take you home so he can give you a kiss.  His misunderstanding as you say, "un huh" gives him delight.
> 
> ...



I'm sorry you had to go through this, and you did the right thing by getting on the bus and not waiting for him to return with his car.

Unfortunately, I was in a similar situation.   A guy that I dated before I was 'Saved', saw me at the bus stop near my job.   I was unaware of him until he pulled up onto the parking lot which was adjacent to the bus stop.   

He offered to give me a ride home.  I said no thank you. 
Thank goodness, the bus came and I left him right there on the parking lot.   Thank God he didn't know my new home address or my new phone number.   

You see, he had since gotten married and he and his wife had a little baby girl.   For some odd reason his daily commute was in the path of my bus route.  He would see me waiting for the bus and not only speak but he was still 'flirting' with me as if we still  had something going, which we did not.  I barely smiled at him when he'd say hello each time he saw me, so I wasn't giving him any encouragement. 

It's a very uncomfortable situation and feeling to be in.  I admire you.  As for the woman who falsely judged you, she should be ashamed of herself.  

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.  We can learn alot from each other sharing our life 'Scenarios'. 

Love and blessings to you 'Guitar'.


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 2, 2011)

Wait, im trying to get the drift of the story? So u didnt hear him say he wanted to kiss u?


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> Wait, im trying to get the drift of the story? So u didnt hear him say he wanted to kiss u?



The kiss and the car was the part that she heard loud and clear.


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## Guitarhero (Nov 2, 2011)

You know, I could have told my dad - they were both on the board.  I could have told his wife, like a grandmother to me.  I could have screamed and yelled at him, causing him to have a heart attack    but I chose the high road.  Besides, I had no intention on waiting at that bus stop for long...was looking for the next couple of ones to avoid him..but luckily, there came the bus!!!  AHhhh, like butta.  Like, did I mention he was around 80 or so?    I'm going to puke to this very day.


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## Shimmie (Nov 2, 2011)

Guitarhero said:


> You know, I could have told my dad - they were both on the board.  I could have told his wife, like a grandmother to me.  I could have screamed and yelled at him, causing him to have a heart attack    but I chose the high road.  Besides, I had no intention on waiting at that bus stop for long...was looking for the next couple of ones to avoid him..but luckily, there came the bus!!!  AHhhh, like butta.  Like, did I mention he was around 80 or so?    I'm going to puke to this very day.



ochenta ? ? ? ! ! ! ? ? ?   

Ai yi yi...  

I'm sorry to laugh but, now I have this vision of a little old man telling you he's going to get his car so he can take you home and give you a kiss.   

I would have fell out laughing at the bus stop...  

I know this is a serious issue and I don't take it lightly, this man is too close to meeting Jesus and can't afford to sow any wild oats, 'soggy ones at that'...  .


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 2, 2011)

ohhhhh I see ... I would not have gotten in the car with him..no sir! I wouldve told my dad and the board too..Im sorry, some thing I just dont tolerate.....

But I wouldve said "What did you say? I didnt hear you? Then see if he would have repeated it


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## TraciChanel (Nov 2, 2011)

Guitarhero said:


> You know, I could have told my dad - they were both on the board. I could have told his wife, like a grandmother to me. I could have screamed and yelled at him, causing him to have a heart attack  but I chose the high road. Besides, I had no intention on waiting at that bus stop for long...was looking for the next couple of ones to avoid him..but luckily, there came the bus!!! AHhhh, like butta. Like, did I mention he was around 80 or so?  I'm going to puke to this very day.


 
What?!....that old man should be ashamed of himself! My first thought was that I would have 'checked' him immediately and made sure he was aware that he was old enough to be my father's father... dirty old man.... But, I digress (obviously, God is still working on me with some things ).

It really irks me when someone in an authoritative position behaves like that. It happens way too often.


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## Laela (Nov 3, 2011)

*Scenario:*
You're spending the weekend with DH at an exclusive get-away in another part of the state to celebrate your anniversary. You go out to dinner at the getaway's restaurant. It's a nice, dark, romantic place and you hear giggling and a laughter in another booth nearby. You both enjoy dinner but the laughter gets your attention. It later dies down and you see the couple leaving, heading toward the door. From your point of view, you can see the couple, and shocked to see it's one of the church members, but that is NOT her husband with her. They are standing there, arm in arm, chatting with the maitre'd. You are . Your DH can't see what you're seeing but after looking at your face, he asks 'what's wrong'. What do you do?


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 3, 2011)

Ummm...good one...I would want to TRY and think that maybe she is arm an arm with her father or brother or uncle, something ...but I couldnt lie to my DH and say "nothing". I would say , " i think I seen Sis loanna with another man arm and arm, but I dont wanna assume nothing"


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

Laela said:


> *Scenario:*
> You're spending the weekend with DH at an exclusive get-away in another part of the state to celebrate your anniversary. You go out to dinner at the getaway's restaurant. It's a nice, dark, romantic place and you hear giggling and a laughter in another booth nearby. You both enjoy dinner but the laughter gets your attention. It later dies down and you see the couple leaving, heading toward the door.
> 
> From your point of view, you can see the couple, and shocked to see it's one of the church members, but that is NOT her husband with her.
> ...



Well, you all ready know the first thing I'd do is '_Freeze_' and stare in utter shock...   

Actually, I _think _I'd greet her, ask how she's doing and ask if she'd come into the ladies room with me for a minute.   

NOW that's provided that the ladies room is a clean one and has been sanitized, cause you know I'm a fanatic germaphobe.   

I'd simply ask her if we could talk for a minute.  Then privately, I'd ask her what's going on?    

The other thing that I _think_ I would have done is call her cell phone number, if I knew it, or sent a text which asked if she was okay and could we talk. 

Then I'd come up with the old 'cliche' and say, _"Now I don't want to pry'...  _ 

I would simply have to ask her what's going on and if all was well with her.  I'd ask God to please give me the right words and the right approach.   If she were to become offended, I'd ask her to forgive me, my heart is for her not against her.   I'd leave the 'door' open for her to feel free to come and talk to me whenever she felt she wanted to.

ETA:   I forgot all about poor 'Hubby'.     I went straight to the issue.


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 3, 2011)

Thats good! never thought of that....wisdom


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## mrselle (Nov 3, 2011)

Guitarhero said:


> You know, I could have told my dad - they were both on the board.  I could have told his wife, like a grandmother to me.  I could have screamed and yelled at him, causing him to have a heart attack    but I chose the high road.  Besides, I had no intention on waiting at that bus stop for long...was looking for the next couple of ones to avoid him..but luckily, there came the bus!!!  AHhhh, like butta.  *Like, did I mention he was around 80 or so*?    I'm going to puke to this very day.



Oh my...SMH.  You handled yourself well.  Once men get past a certain age I take their advances with a grain of salt.  I'm thinking there is only so much an 80 year old man can do.


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## mrselle (Nov 3, 2011)

Laela said:


> *Scenario:*
> You're spending the weekend with DH at an exclusive get-away in another part of the state to celebrate your anniversary. You go out to dinner at the getaway's restaurant. It's a nice, dark, romantic place and you hear giggling and a laughter in another booth nearby. You both enjoy dinner but the laughter gets your attention. It later dies down and you see the couple leaving, heading toward the door. From your point of view, you can see the couple, and shocked to see it's one of the church members, but that is NOT her husband with her. They are standing there, arm in arm, chatting with the maitre'd. You are . Your DH can't see what you're seeing but after looking at your face, he asks 'what's wrong'. What do you do?



I would tell hubby, "I think I just saw Jane" and then nod in her direction.  I probably wouldn't approach her because I wouldn't want to embarass her.  Something very similar happened to me when I was in college.  I worked part-time at a department store.  One evening while I was working I look up and I see a man and a woman from my church.  The man was married, but not to the woman he was with.  She was sitting down at the make-up counter and he was standing beside her.  They weren't holding hands, they weren't arm in arm or anything like that.  She noticed me and I saw her say something and then he turned in my direction.  I smiled and waved and they did the same.  I went about my business and they left.  I never said a word to anyone.  They were very active in the church.  They both sang in the choir...the wife sang in the choir too and he was a minister.  A couple weeks later I noticed that the two of them weren't singing in the choir anymore.  Something that the pastor used to do would be to sit people down who were active in the church if there was something going on in their personal life that they needed to straighten out.  Yep...they had been having an affair.  I'm not sure how the wife found out, but I can only imagine how tough that might have been for her.


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

mrselle said:


> Oh my...SMH.  You handled yourself well.  Once men get past a certain age I take their advances with a grain of salt.
> 
> *I'm thinking there is only so much an 80 year old man can do*.



I know... it's a little frightful.   

     I can only imagine his teeth falling out in the attempt to make a smoocher.


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

mrselle said:


> I would tell hubby, "I think I just saw Jane" and then nod in her direction.  I probably wouldn't approach her because I wouldn't want to embarass her.  Something very similar happened to me when I was in college.
> 
> I worked part-time at a department store.  One evening while I was working I look up and I see a man and a woman from my church.  The man was married, but not to the woman he was with.  She was sitting down at the make-up counter and he was standing beside her.  They weren't holding hands, they weren't arm in arm or anything like that.  She noticed me and I saw her say something and then he turned in my direction.  I smiled and waved and they did the same.
> 
> ...



This is so sad.  *sigh*

This is one of the reasons, God hates divorce and the acts that cause it...it's the deep pain that is causes for everyone; what hurts us, hurts God even more.   

I hope they were able to reconcile their marriage.


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## TraciChanel (Nov 3, 2011)

Laela, I actually witnessed something similar - I was at the movies and saw a lady who was in my bible study group at the time, with a man who was not her husband. I'd already spoken to her and hugged her before I realized she was with him. But, when I saw him, I realized why she was acting so distant and standoffish (totally opposite to how she was at church). It felt very awkward to say the least.  She was older than me and I was apart of the church's college ministry. Back to the original scenario, if my DH asked what was wrong, I would tell him what I witnessed. I certainly would not have said anything to the woman in the scenario at the time, but I would pray for direction on how to handle the matter and if I felt convicted to do so, I would confront her about it.



Laela said:


> *Scenario:*
> You're spending the weekend with DH at an exclusive get-away in another part of the state to celebrate your anniversary. You go out to dinner at the getaway's restaurant. It's a nice, dark, romantic place and you hear giggling and a laughter in another booth nearby. You both enjoy dinner but the laughter gets your attention. It later dies down and you see the couple leaving, heading toward the door. From your point of view, you can see the couple, and shocked to see it's one of the church members, but that is NOT her husband with her. They are standing there, arm in arm, chatting with the maitre'd. You are . Your DH can't see what you're seeing but after looking at your face, he asks 'what's wrong'. What do you do?


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

TraciChanel said:


> Laela, I actually witnessed something similar - I was at the movies and saw a lady who was in my bible study group at the time, with a man who was not her husband. I'd already spoken to her and hugged her before I realized she was with him. But, when I saw him, I realized why she was acting so distant and standoffish (totally opposite to how she was at church). It felt very awkward to say the least.  She was older than me and I was apart of the church's college ministry.
> 
> Back to the original scenario, if my DH asked what was wrong, I would tell him what I witnessed. I certainly would not have said anything to the woman in the scenario at the time, but I would pray for direction on how to handle the matter and if I felt convicted to do so, I would confront her about it.



I feel so sad for people in unhappy marriages.   Somehow, I sense that some of these 'affairs' are being used as sedatives.   I just feel an 'air' of saddness around all of this.   It's grieving the heart of God.


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## Guitarhero (Nov 3, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> ochenta ? ? ? ! ! ! ? ? ?
> 
> Ai yi yi...
> 
> ...



Ochenta y pico


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## lilanie (Nov 3, 2011)

Laela said:


> *Scenario:*
> You're spending the weekend with DH at an exclusive get-away in another part of the state to celebrate your anniversary. You go out to dinner at the getaway's restaurant. It's a nice, dark, romantic place and you hear giggling and a laughter in another booth nearby. You both enjoy dinner but the laughter gets your attention. It later dies down and you see the couple leaving, heading toward the door. From your point of view, you can see the couple, and shocked to see it's one of the church members, but that is NOT her husband with her. They are standing there, arm in arm, chatting with the maitre'd. You are . Your DH can't see what you're seeing but after looking at your face, he asks 'what's wrong'. What do you do?


 
Oh wow... I would definitely freeze up and hope it was her twin (that's happened with my former Senior Pastor and his identical twin brother - alas the brother is chunkier).

Eeeeeeeeeeeek, that's a toughie.  I know I would pray for peace for all involved ~ because that causes pain and quesiness that only God can soothe...


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

Guitarhero said:


> Ochenta y pico



I couldn't think in English, _Ochenta_ was my only response...


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## mrselle (Nov 3, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> This is so sad.  *sigh*
> 
> This is one of the reasons, God hates divorce and the acts that cause it...it's the deep pain that is causes for everyone; what hurts us, hurts God even more.
> 
> I hope they were able to reconcile their marriage.



No.  Within a few weeks of me seeing them together he and his wife separated and once the divorce was finalized he and the other woman got married.  The kicker?  The pastor who married him and his first wife and knew what was going on married them.  The other part of the story?  A year or so after he remarried the pastor was speaking into his life and the life of his new wife and the life of the first wife.  He told the first wife that the man was never really her husband to begin with and the reason he married them was because "they" were just doing what they thought they should do.  He spoke to the new wife and told her to stop worrying because the man is her husband.  (I hope all of that made sense.)  I was young, still a little naive and a baby in Christ.  I learned a lot at that church and some of it was disappointing.


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## Rainbow Dash (Nov 3, 2011)

mrselle said:


> No. Within a few weeks of me seeing them together he and his wife separated and once the divorce was finalized he and the other woman got married. The kicker? The pastor who married him and his first wife and knew what was going on married them. The other part of the story? A year or so after he remarried the pastor was speaking into his life and the life of his new wife and the life of the first wife. He told the first wife that the man was never really her husband to begin with and the reason he married them was because "they" were just doing what they thought they should do. He spoke to the new wife and told her to stop worrying because the man is her husband. (I hope all of that made sense.) I was young, still a little naive and a baby in Christ. I learned a lot at that church and some of it was disappointing.


 

 This is a big ol mess. Ain't no way. If I was the pastor, I would not have touched that second marriage.  This had to be very hurtful to the first wife.


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## Nice & Wavy (Nov 3, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> I know... it's a little frightful.
> 
> I can only imagine his teeth falling out in the attempt to make a smoocher.




On the real...this happened to me.

I had a friend who dh and I saw at the mall with someone who was not her husband.erplexed  Although we didn't say anything (she didn't see us) we knew that something needed to be done to help her marriage.

Dh and I decided that we were going to get together with her and her husband, so in church one Sunday, we made a date for the following Sunday after church service.  That Tuesday...she was in a car accident and died.

I was devastated 

I only wish I would have said something to her...maybe she would have repented for her actions (I can't tell ya'll the whole story on here) and possibly lived...I don't know, but it was hurtful to say the least.

If I would see something like this, I would say something..maybe not at that moment, but soon after.


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

mrselle said:


> No.  Within a few weeks of me seeing them together he and his wife separated and once the divorce was finalized he and the other woman got married.
> 
> The kicker?  The pastor who married him and his first wife and knew what was going on married them.
> 
> ...



Yes Mrselle,  it's makes sense, because I've been there too.   

*sigh*   I've witnessed this 'support of sin' and heard of this many times.


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## mrselle (Nov 3, 2011)

Nice & Wavy said:


> On the real...this happened to me.
> 
> I had a friend who dh and I saw at the mall with someone who was not her husband.erplexed  Although we didn't say anything (she didn't see us) we knew that something needed to be done to help her marriage.
> 
> ...



I gasped when I read this and I'm still shaking my head.  I can't even begin to imagine...


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## mrselle (Nov 3, 2011)

I just wanted to add this concerning infidelity...

A friend of mine had a husband who was cheating on her.  She didn't know...or she said she didn't know.  However, her parents did know.  A friend of her parents saw the husband at dinner with another woman.  The parents debated on whether or not to tell their daughter.  They knew there had been problems in the past, but it seemed as though they were able to work things out and the daughter was pregnant.  They didn't mention anything to her until she and her husband separated for the last time.  I would like to think that if my parents saw my husband doing something crazy they would tell me...at least my mom would....she can't hold water...LOL.  As a mother of four girls I can't imagine keeping such a secret from any of my girls, but maybe it's different if you don't witness the act for yourself.  I know I try my best to not repeat hearsay.


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## Laela (Nov 3, 2011)

^^ I have the kind of mom that won't let foolishness 'walk past her' .. She'd tell me...


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

Nice & Wavy said:


> On the real...this happened to me.
> 
> I had a friend who dh and I saw at the mall with someone who was not her husband.erplexed  Although we didn't say anything (she didn't see us) we knew that something needed to be done to help her marriage.
> 
> ...



Ohhhhh Sis....    

Correct me on this...  A few years back, I _think_ I remember you posting that a dear friend of yours was in a car accident and passed away.   Was this the 'friend'?       I truly stand corrected; forgive me if I've made a mistake here.

It seems you were praying for this family when you posted and asking us to pray for this family.


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## Shimmie (Nov 3, 2011)

mrselle said:


> I gasped when I read this and I'm still shaking my head.  I can't even begin to imagine...



I immediately 'felt' the hurt in this post... it's so sad.


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## Nice & Wavy (Nov 4, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> Ohhhhh Sis....
> 
> Correct me on this...  A few years back, I _think_ I remember you posting that a dear friend of yours was in a car accident and passed away.   Was this the 'friend'?       I truly stand corrected; forgive me if I've made a mistake here.
> 
> It seems you were praying for this family when you posted and asking us to pray for this family.


Yes, thanks for remembering.  It was a tragedy...period.

When I was told...I just screamed!  I couldn't believe it.  You know how people always say "We have to get together one day...." well this time we actually set a date, and she died the Tuesday before...that blew my mind.


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## Nice & Wavy (Nov 4, 2011)

mrselle said:


> I gasped when I read this and I'm still shaking my head.  I can't even begin to imagine...


Thanks, sis...it was hard.


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Yes, thanks for remembering.  It was a tragedy...period.
> 
> When I was told...I just screamed!  I couldn't believe it.  You know how people always say "We have to get together one day...." well this time we actually set a date, and she died the Tuesday before...that blew my mind.



My baby sis.... Precious Wavy  

 

You always 'carry' the burdens.  You have a heart for people, a true heart, a woman's heart, God's heart.  Always full of compassion for everyone, no matter who or what.

Do you know that there are those who would condemn this woman, even in  her dying.   You did not, instead you grieve the 'loss' of one so dear.  

Women are vunerable, especially when attention is given to them that no one else is.   In this case, I _'perceive'_ a woman who was 'lonely' in heart and someone  (another man) was paying attention to her where there was a void otherwise.    

Although she was taken away, it was the loving prayers that you and Pastor A (hubby) made for her, prior, that protected her soul and lead her home to Jesus.     

You see, you and hubby didn't condemn her upon sight, you immediately took heart and hands as 'One' and prayed.   It was meant for you to see her that night.  Not someone else, but you and  hubby.   For you did not condemn her.  

_Jesus said, to her, 'Where are your accusers?' _

There were none.  

For there was 'you' and hubby in steadfast prayer.  

Be at peace dearest one, be at peace.  Your loving heart and prayers gave her the life she needed to enter into 'Eternal Life' and not death.   She was able to 'go' and sin no more. 

To God be the Glory, forever and ever, Amen.  :Rose:


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 4, 2011)

*New Scenario*

*What would you do if DH told you that he has feeling for one of the other sisters at yall church? .. He didnt say he wants a divorce, he just tells you he noticed the feeling for Sister Rebecca and dont know how to handle them??*


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## Laela (Nov 4, 2011)

Hmm.. good one...

first, I'd likely look at him like this...


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## Laela (Nov 4, 2011)

I remember something along those lines but I can only imagine what you went through then. Thank God for His Mercy and Wisdom.... you and your hubby were there and in her life for a reason for sure...





Nice & Wavy said:


> Yes, thanks for remembering.  It was a tragedy...period.
> 
> When I was told...I just screamed!  I couldn't believe it.  You know how people always say "We have to get together one day...." well this time we actually set a date, and she died the Tuesday before...that blew my mind.


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## Nice & Wavy (Nov 4, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> My baby sis.... Precious Wavy
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm so happy to have you as my sister...you are so encouraging and comforting.  Thank you so much 



Laela said:


> I remember something along those lines but I can only imagine what you went through then. Thank God for His Mercy and Wisdom.... you and your hubby were there and in her life for a reason for sure...


Thank you, sis   You words are a blessing to me!


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 4, 2011)

oh my! i bust out laughing when I seen this!!




Laela said:


> Hmm.. good one...
> 
> first, I'd likely look at him like this...


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 4, 2011)

This actually happen to a couple in our ministry. The DH told her he was beginning to develop feelings for this other sister, and he didnt wanna feel that about her but it was what it was. So the wife, began to fast and pray with her hubby and God restored their marriage...

Now Me? I would probably 






     ...(never been married ) but I know I would be hurt. Would I divorce him over this? NO. but I would prefer if he didnt tell me who it was, just to keep my heart and mind rite. I would automatically begin examining myself like "Where did i go wrong, where was I lacking".....I would DEFINTLEY prayer and fasting on this to make sure I wouldnt hold anything against him and that I could truly forgive him.


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> *New Scenario*
> 
> *What would you do if DH told you that he has feeling for one of the other sisters at yall church? .. He didnt say he wants a divorce, he just tells you he noticed the feeling for Sister Rebecca and dont know how to handle them??*



My first reaction after my famous 'freeze' pose   would be...

Ummmm, babe,  you know she a man, right?   That's a weave in both places.


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## mrselle (Nov 4, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> My first reaction after my famous 'freeze' pose   would be...
> 
> Ummmm, babe,  you know she a man, right?   That's a weave in both places.



Shimmie, you get 15 minutes in the timeout corner for that one.  LOL!!!  My husband is upstairs in his office working and I know he is like, "What in the world is she laughing at?"


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 4, 2011)

NOOOOO!!! ..Come on seriously!



Shimmie said:


> My first reaction after my famous 'freeze' pose  would be...
> 
> Ummmm, babe, you know she a man, right? That's a weave in both places.


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## mrselle (Nov 4, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> *New Scenario*
> 
> *What would you do if DH told you that he has feeling for one of the other sisters at yall church? .. He didnt say he wants a divorce, he just tells you he noticed the feeling for Sister Rebecca and dont know how to handle them??*



This is a tough one.  Of course, I would be very hurt and sad - probably devastated.  I guess I would be thankful that he had the courage to tell me to my face, but after something like that a whole bunch of other questions would be asked.  

Does she have feelings for you too?  Have you acted on those feelings?  Where, when and how are the two of you spending so much time together that you now have feelings?  

Then I would be looking in the mirror at myself and wondering what I can do to spruce myself up so he doesn't want to look at another woman.  

You see, I only have desires for my husband.  The thought of another man just doesn't sit well with me.  

Ok, well....um...I have a small crush on Maskim Chmerkovskiy from Dancing With the Stars, but anyway...LOL 

In all seriousness, I would be very, very hurt.  Very hurt.  And we would probably need to seek counseling because there is something going on beneath the surface.


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

mrselle said:


> Shimmie, you get 15 minutes in the timeout corner for that one.  LOL!!!  My husband is upstairs in his office working and I know he is like, "What in the world is she laughing at?"



   But... 'him' started it.


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> NOOOOO!!! ..Come on seriously!



I'm in time out, mrselle sent me there until I get it right...   


But seriously.   How would he know if he/she is 'real' or not?  He's not going to pursue it... not now.   

I simply scared the mess out of him so he wouldn't even think of pursuing these 'feelings' any further.   You know how 'men' are.   They don't want their manhood 'questioned'. 

Men are men before they are Jesus men.  Not saying men are not Godly, but at the end of the day, they _'still a' man'_.   If I told him that 'woman' was really a man, he'd run so fast to get away from that situation, he'd never misplace his feelings outside of our marriage ever again.  

Forgive me Jesus and mrselle ...


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 4, 2011)

mrselle said:


> Then I would be looking in the mirror at myself and wondering what I can do to spruce myself up so he doesn't want to look at another woman.
> .


 
Isnt it amazing how us women automatically look at ourselves when stuff like this happens?? Hmmmm... intresting..I wonder why?


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 4, 2011)

But what if he isnt pursing them, but the thoughts are troubling him and he says "Shimmie, honey, I cant get this woman out of mind. Everytime Im with you, Im thinking of her, I dont know what to do, I wanna be with you though"....




Shimmie said:


> I'm in time out, @mrselle sent me there until I get it right...
> 
> 
> But seriously. How would he know if he/she is 'real' or not? He's not going to pursue it... not now.
> ...


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## Laela (Nov 4, 2011)

Mrselle.. I hear you. I'm not sure if I'd be hurt by him 'liking' someone...not the jealous one. I'd be inclined to believe somewhere at some point, he'd have nourished this 'like' and fed it for it to develop into something more; i.e. Spending too much time thinking about her or being around her...Nawww bruh, that ain't it... (that's my fave expression to DH)   He needs to be reading his Bible or praying or something... I wouldn't accept his feelings as my fault . BUT I would definitely suggest we get spiritual counseling on this...Like that couple Alicialynn just mentioned, the couple did what was right..they laid it before God.


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## Laela (Nov 4, 2011)

@ Shimmie being put in time out!


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## LucieLoo12 (Nov 4, 2011)

ok so lets flip this scenario a little bit.What if a brother came to you and he knew you was married and told you he had feelings for you? Would you tell DH...

Now me, I would rebuke this rascal very sharply!! For the simple fact he knows im married. But i dont know if I would tell DH the first time. I wouldnt want to start any drama But if he continues, then yes I would tell DH, not only DH but I would bring him to the Pastor ..


.(But I would be scared that DH would find out and be mad that I didnt tell him, but at the same time, would I want to know if someone came on to DH??? hmmmmmm dunno)​


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> But what if he isnt pursing them, but the thoughts are troubling him and he says "Shimmie, honey, I cant get this woman out of mind. Everytime Im with you, Im thinking of her, I dont know what to do, I wanna be with you though"....



See ... I'm from Harlem...  

  And as God as my 'Witness', he'll not treat me like dirt'...  




Okay, with scenarios like this, you're not going to be able to get much 'compassion' out of me.    

Why:   Because I've actually been in that situation.  *sigh*   Before I was saved, a guy I was dating wanted both me and another woman that was his ex who no longer wanted him (which should have been my cue).  His ego was bruised and while he was with me, he wanted to prove he could have her back.   I was hurt, very hurt.  But I got over it and stayed over it.

This is where deliverance comes in.  God's Word says, allow no man to take your crown.    He's the first and the very last man that I ever allowed to put me through that mess.   So, it will never happen again.  

I've seen this happen in Churches all the time.   A man will begin dating one 'sister' and then becomes distracted and interested in another 'sister'.   The first sister finds out, and begins to fast/pray and   over some man who didn't respect her nor her feelings; let alone treat her with respect as a daughter of God.     

*Life Lesson...*

What would I do?  What have I done? What do I highly recommend?

Wear counterfeit protection.   Do not allow yourself (not you Alicia  I'm speaking 'you' in general), to become so sponged for affection that you do not see the red flags in his eyes.  

God has better, this I know, for sure...


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

Laela said:


> @ Shimmie being put in time out!



I will continue this scenario on the train...


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## Nice & Wavy (Nov 4, 2011)

Shimmie......







Is in time out....lol


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## mrselle (Nov 4, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> Isnt it amazing how us women automatically look at ourselves when stuff like this happens?? Hmmmm... intresting..I wonder why?



It _is_ funny that we always think it has something to do with us.  Years ago I had a friend who had broken up with her boyfriend because he had cheated on her.  She and I were talking one day and she kept saying, "I don't know what is wrong with me.  Why am I not good enough?"  I told her that when a man cheats it has everything to do with what is going on the inside of him and absolutely nothing to do with the one he has betrayed.  To this day I still know that to be true, but no matter how much I know that - as a woman - one of my first thoughts would be, "What is wrong with me?"


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## alwaysinchrist (Nov 4, 2011)

I would ask them is it anything I can do to help n remind that we all here for each other. In God puts people in ur path to help you. I wouldn't share it with anyone but my pastor.


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## alwaysinchrist (Nov 4, 2011)

Sorry for the grammar....typing on my phone LOL


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## Guitarhero (Nov 4, 2011)

Scenario No. 2...alas, and regrets:

You are in a ministry that your friend and her mother introduced you to and you go every week (not the church you finally ended up in).  It's got a great singles program and you attend lots of them.  There, you find some nice guys and the one you have a crush on is not the one having a major crush on you.  You realize his best buddy does, start to notice him more and develop feelings for Mr. Almost-Right but he is shy and doesn't reciprocate fast.  You become hurt and retract from contact with those in the group but you still are active.  You notice Mr. Almost-Right is getting up the gumption, trying to always sit by you etc.  I mean, handsome, g-dly and  responsible  with those piercing blue eyes and jet black hair (think Jim Caviezel)...but he's a mechanic.  I mean, always major googly eyes at-cha and your friend notices and tells you too.  You think he won't be the one for all the cultural differences.  Do you kindly pass up Mr. Almost-Right with no chance to find out or do you wait to see if he'll be strong enough to make a move?    *What would you do?*



What did I do?  I passed and later on, met a guy at college.  I should have opened up the conversation MYSELF with Mr. Randy.  Yeah, I called him by name and I've often thought of what would have become of things if only.  Anyhoo, if I knew then what I know now...


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Shimmie......
> 
> 
> 
> ...



 

Nice & Wavy

Thought I'd take a small peek....

Where's mrselle  ?  



Don't tell her you see hiding...  

I think she forgot about me and left me in time out. 

I'm kinda hungry

Can somebody bring me a plate and a cookie?  

I'm still in the corner...  ​


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

Alicialynn86 said:


> ok so lets flip this scenario a little bit.  What if a brother came to you and he knew you was married and told you he had feelings for you? Would you tell DH...
> 
> Now me, I would rebuke this rascal very sharply!! For the simple fact he knows im married. But i dont know if I would tell DH the first time. I wouldnt want to start any drama But if he continues, then yes I would tell DH, not only DH but I would bring him to the Pastor ..
> 
> ...



Good Scenario for discussion... here's why:

Many times men see a Godly woman and the love and the light of her and he 'falls' in love.  There's something about the glow of a woman who is in love with Jesus, that draws the heart of a man.   

He senses the warmth of her glow, as she walks into the sancutary for worship; his eyes follow her, closed, yet open as the worship service begins.  He's aware of the power and the strength of the power of God's presence.  He's drawn and he can't let go of Heaven's glow.

In truth, it's the love of God that is drawing him to her, yet, because we are comprised of flesh and blood and 'soul', he sees this attraction as that of the flesh and not of the Spirit of God.

And this is what I tell him, "It's not me you see, it's Jesus who abides in me.  It's your flesh and blood that sees me otherwise.  The difference you see is Jesus...

What do I tell 'hubby'?   There's a man who sees Jesus in me.  Praise God who has begun a good work in him, who will complete it until the day that Jesus comes.


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## Shimmie (Nov 4, 2011)

mrselle said:


> *It is funny that we always think it has something to do with us.*  Years ago I had a friend who had broken up with her boyfriend because he had cheated on her.  She and I were talking one day and she kept saying, "I don't know what is wrong with me.  Why am I not good enough?"
> 
> I told her that when a man cheats it has everything to do with what is going on the inside of him and absolutely nothing to do with the one he has betrayed.
> 
> To this day I still know that to be true, but no matter how much I know that - as a woman - one of my first thoughts would be, "What is wrong with me?"



mrselle, this is so true (the bolded).  I put myself through this 'drama' each time, 'it didn't work out'...  

I truly believe that this is one of the reasons that I stopped wearing make up everyday.  I was terrified to leave home without it so that no one could find fault with me.   

As much as I love the beautiful eye colors and lip colors and textures, I just freed myself one day and stopped wearing it on a daily basis.   

I go to work each day with a clean face.  My skin is all the better for it.   But even more, I'm all the better, for there is nothing wrong with me, even without make up.   I've fallen in love with Meow Cosmetics and have acquired quite a color pallet of simply beautiful colors, and I wear these on special occasions or 'just because'.     Yet I love the freedom of my natural skin, I have confidence, and I know there's nothing wrong with me, it never was.

One last note, then I'll go back to 'time out'   

Earlier this year, it came out that Pastors Marcus Lamb had cheated on his wife Joni Lamb.   They were on Dr. Phil and as Joni began to find fault in herself as to what led her husband to cheat, Dr. Phil rebuked her and said plainly, that the fault was *Never in her*, but always with her husband, Marcus; for it was he who decided to cheat when he knew that he did not have to.

The same thing applies to John Edwards when he cheated on his wife Elizabeth.  He chose to do so.  It was not Elizabeth's fault.  

It's not the woman's fault...  

-----------

Okay, I go back to time out now... :blush3:


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## mrselle (Nov 4, 2011)

Shimmie said:


> Nice & Wavy
> 
> Thought I'd take a small peek....
> 
> ...



I didn't forget about you, my dear.  I figured you would come on out when you got ready.  ;-)


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## Shimmie (Nov 5, 2011)

mrselle said:


> I didn't forget about you, my dear.  I figured you would come on out when you got ready.  ;-)



Thanks "_Mommie_"  

I'm behaving now...  


_Until the next time .... _


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## Shimmie (Nov 5, 2011)

Guitarhero said:


> Scenario No. 2...alas, and regrets:
> 
> You are in a ministry that your friend and her mother introduced you to and you go every week (not the church you finally ended up in).  It's got a great singles program and you attend lots of them.
> 
> ...



Having been there, done that (made 'wrong' male selection), I've learned to follow the heart of God.   I've literally asked God, remove all counterfeits; I also allow you to choose for me, Lord.   Only you know the true heart of this man / I do not and in my past I have not chosen well.   

This prayer is total surrender into God for His choosing which _never-ever-never _ fails. ... :yep;


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