# Is it too much?



## LovingLady (Aug 12, 2010)

An interesting discussion was brought up and I would honestly like to know how you feel on this issue, please feel free to respond. 

Do you feel that Christians place too much of an importance on marriage. 

For me personally, I don't think so. I have only been to one church that highlighted it, and that was for one day. The most that I hear from church members is find a Christian spouse and call it a day. To me it seems like once you find a man (or a man find a woman) no one tells you how to keep a godly marriage, and no one prays for you about your marriage if conflict arises. We learn how to do everything else successfully, why can't we learn how to properly have a godly marriage, or pray for one another when they need help in this area.


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## Tyra (Aug 12, 2010)

Wow, I agree.


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

I think so.  In fact I don't feel like my reading of the Bible has led to an interpretation that marriage SHOULD be given such emphasis.  When it is given that kind of emphasis, God is lost somewhere in the mix.  


There is a local church here and the pastor did an entire series on relationships and marriage.  It seems like more of the seminars offered by the church are discussing marriage in some form or fashion.  it is overkill. 

I wish more churches would just be like find a Christian spouse and keep it moving.  

However, I feel that the emphasis comes about because women are becoming too pressed about getting married.  Ministers see this and they want to please the congregation so they start highlighting it.  

And as I said in the other thread, I get tired of women saying they want to be "blessed to be a wife so they can give glory to God with their marriage."  If this is true, then that is great, but most of them know they are trying to fool themselves and God.  Their desire to be married has nothing to do with glorifying God.  If they want to glorify God, there are many ways to do it besides marriage.  

Also, in placing such emphasis on marriage, Christians don't address how  hearts become divided in marriage leaving little room for God.  That's one reason I'm not interested in marriage right now.  I want my whole heart to be for God.


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

Abdijz said:


> why can't we learn how to properly have a godly marriage, or pray for one another when they need help in this area.



We can and we should. But there is a difference between this and what is going on in the other thread.


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## luthiengirlie (Aug 12, 2010)

what is going on in the other thread is an attack on marriage.. i see it daily with my Christian friends a hedge to protect. this is something the devil attacks.

I would be no less passionate if in my spirit that YHWH has led a call to battle for children, our country, and other things. I would be JUST as passionate.THis is NOT an exclusionary thing...... this is something YHWH himself has put in MY SPIRIT and other HE'S CALLED TO LEAD. THIS AIN' T ABOUT ME, MY DESIRE FOR A HUSBAND, OR ANY OTHR MOTIVE. THis  is about answering the call that YHWH has placed on my heart and other women who's had this call. WHICH IS WHY i don't understand why people have issues with it? if YHWH calls you to intercede IN SOMETHING ELSE. by ALL MEANS DO SO. I would never question it or disagree with it. I would have given you the courtesy of PMING you in PRIVATE seeking understanding.  NOT blasting AND DIVERTING the purpose of a thread because you disagree with it?
DOESN'T make any SENSE to me!


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

luthiengirlie said:


> what is going on in the other thread is an attack on marriage.. i see it daily with my Christian friends a hedge to protect. this is something the devil attacks.
> 
> I would be no less passionate if in my spirit that YHWH has led a call to battle for children, our country, and other things. I would be JUST as passionate.THis is NOT an exclusionary thing...... this is something YHWH himself has put in MY SPIRIT and other HE'S CALLED TO LEAD. THIS AIN' T ABOUT ME, MY DESIRE FOR A HUSBAND, OR ANY OTHR MOTIVE. THis  is about answering the call that YHWH has placed on my heart and other women who's had this call. WHICH IS WHY i don't understand why people have issues with it? if YHWH calls you to intercede IN SOMETHING ELSE. by ALL MEANS DO SO. I would never question it or disagree with it. I would have given you the courtesy of PMING you in PRIVATE seeking understanding.  NOT blasting AND DIVERTING the purpose of a thread because you disagree with it?
> DOESN'T make any SENSE to me!



which thread has an attack on marriage?


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## sidney (Aug 12, 2010)

I think that discussing marriage can be to much if an individual gets to the point where they spend more time praying for or discussing getting  husbands than for the poor, than salvation for others, finding ways to please God, etc etc.  Or it becomes a problem when people are willing to compromise what God standards are to have a relationship.

On the other hand:  marriage is exceedingly important.  You will be united to that person for life.  And I have seen how devastating it can be when a christian is yoked to someone who is not a strong christian or a non-believer.  It has disastrous effects on the children and on the christian's ministry and relationship with God.  Marriage should be highly discussed on the pulpit and amongst believers, and I do buy the whole "it will bring glory to God arguement."  It really does dbring him so much glory. HOWEVER....

I think it is the individual's responsibility to check their hearts.  We are to be likeminded about the things God cares about.  Can I be honest?  If someone where to post a prayer thread for marriage vs. a prayer thread about homelessness, which one do you think will get more of a response?


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## luthiengirlie (Aug 12, 2010)

when you guys were posting in the thread that I ORIGINATED. this was an intercessory thread. this had no other purpose. I understand that you guys had questions and you felt that this was not in your spirit to pray. NO issue with that. but i admit the way you guys went about it was extraordinarily RUDE and disrespectful. You made it seem like you were NEGATING what we were trying to put forth. EVEN IF you DON'T agree, or you think it's silly to focus on then KEEP IT MOVING. If you have questions PM the OP.  Now the thread is diverted. i am NOT usually this blunt and straightforward but honestly I'M truly offended...HONESTLY. that is how i feel about it.


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## Laela (Aug 12, 2010)

At the bolded, thank you Lord for the marriage ministry at churches..  and the people gifted to speak on relationships. *EVERYTHING *that we experience in life  -- good or bad -- is the result of some "relationship" with someone.  Lights got cut off?? Well, a lack of communication with the good folks at the electric company caused that. 


So NO, it's never too much, talking about relationships. 




Abdijz said:


> An interesting discussion was brought up and I would honestly like to know how you feel on this issue, please feel free to respond.
> 
> Do you feel that Christians place too much of an importance on marriage.
> 
> For me personally, I don't think so. I have only been to one church that highlighted it, and that was for one day. *The most that I hear from church members is find a Christian spouse and call it a day.* To me it seems like once you find a man (or a man find a woman) no one tells you how to keep a godly marriage, and no one prays for you about your marriage if conflict arises. We learn how to do everything else successfully, why can't we learn how to properly have a godly marriage, or pray for one another when they need help in this area.


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

luthiengirlie said:


> when you guys were posting in the thread that I ORIGINATED. this was an intercessory thread. this had no other purpose. I understand that you guys had questions and you felt that this was not in your spirit to pray. NO issue with that. but i admit the way you guys went about it was extraordinarily RUDE and disrespectful. You made it seem like you were NEGATING what we were trying to put forth. EVEN IF you DON'T agree, or you think it's silly to focus on then KEEP IT MOVING. If you have questions PM the OP.  Now the thread is diverted. i am NOT usually this blunt and straightforward but honestly I'M truly offended...HONESTLY. that is how i feel about it.



That was not an attack on marriage.  And to be truthful, that's just the kind of thing I am talking about.  Everything is not an attack on marriage.   That certainly wasn't and it is baffling as to why someone would see it as so.   

I'm sorry if you are feeling sensitive on the issue of marriage, but you should not be offended when people want to have discussion.  And if you want people to join you in your prayer, you should be willing to make it clear to them what they are praying for.  I don't pray blindly and I know there are others who don't as well.


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## sidney (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't see anything wrong with the thread.  You know where your heart and motives reside and if you feel lead to pray for marriages you should do so.  Praying for the success of christian marriages will always be in God's will.   I think those with opposing arguments brought up a good point in general, but you know what your heart was for that thread so I would continue if you feel God is leading.  



luthiengirlie said:


> when you guys were posting in the thread that I ORIGINATED. this was an intercessory thread. this had no other purpose. I understand that you guys had questions and you felt that this was not in your spirit to pray. NO issue with that. but i admit the way you guys went about it was extraordinarily RUDE and disrespectful. You made it seem like you were NEGATING what we were trying to put forth. EVEN IF you DON'T agree, or you think it's silly to focus on then KEEP IT MOVING. If you have questions PM the OP. Now the thread is diverted. i am NOT usually this blunt and straightforward but honestly I'M truly offended...HONESTLY. that is how i feel about it.


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## luthiengirlie (Aug 12, 2010)

this is not the way this opinion was stated. This was an offshoot of a discussion that other people had. If that question was HONESTLY asked in that way.. I would have had NO ISSUE explaining. I have no issue with discussion about why I'm explaining what I desire to pray for and other people desire to pray for.  but they way ya'll went about it was honestly very rude. HONESTLY. It';s not the discussion or the sensitivity that i have with marraige that's the problem. I realize not everyone will have a consenseous on  marriage or agree with me. THAT IS FINE. but I do have issue with how people bring across THIER issues with it.


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## Laela (Aug 12, 2010)

Then, that thread wasn't for you or the others...that's all this means.

I don't see how someone posting a prayer thread is forcing anyone to pray?






nathansgirl1908 said:


> That was not an attack on marriage.  And to be truthful, that's just the kind of thing I am talking about.  Everything is not an attack on marriage.   That certainly wasn't and it is baffling as to why someone would see it as so.
> 
> I'm sorry if you are feeling sensitive on the issue of marriage, but you should not be offended when people want to have discussion.  And if you want people to join you in your prayer, you should be willing to make it clear to them what they are praying for.*  I don't pray blindly and I know there are others who don't as well.*


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## sidney (Aug 12, 2010)

Laela said:


> *Then, that thread wasn't for you or the others...that's all this means.*
> 
> I don't see how someone posting a prayer thread is forcing anyone to pray?


 
Good point.


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

Laela said:


> Then, that thread wasn't for you or the others...that's all this means.
> 
> I don't see how someone posting a prayer thread is forcing anyone to pray?



No, it means that she wasn't clear.  I was not the only one who was confused.  


I remember a thread started by someone about praying for people in other countries that were experiencing war (or something along those lines). She was very clear about what we were praying about and she provided insight into what problems were going on that we could pray about.  When we come boldly to the throne, we must also be specific and clear when possible.  

And no one said it was forcing anyone to pray.  But people wanted to perhaps join in.


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## SND411 (Aug 12, 2010)

This is how I feel:

I think it is exceedingly important to pray and discuss Christian marriage. A lot of the Christian community is based on the "traditional family" with marriage being at the center ideally. Marriage is a wonderful thing. I also agree that the world does not really value marriage, and that many Christian communities are not seriously viewing marriage as a picture of Christ and His Church. I am sorry for diverting that thread. 

BUT, the way I sometimes see people in the Christian Forum fret over marriage makes it seem like marriage is some kind of Holy Sacrament that MUST be performed as a religious duty. Almost like marriage is a prerequisite for salvation. Unlike other Abrahamic religions, it is NOT imperative for Christians to get married. Our very founder, Jesus Christ, who left us an example of how to live, wasn't even married. 

I think the problem is that many Christians, especially Christian women, feel that they HAVE to get married. It is because society/family drill it into our heads since we are born. Women are always told that without a man romantically in our lives, we are nothing. I feel that people should discuss Godly Christian marriages as well as provide lifestyle advice on how to serve God as a single person for life without becoming a monk or a nun.


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## luthiengirlie (Aug 12, 2010)

let me make my points clear.
1. we are interceeding for the current Christian marriages that are under attack in a variety of ways
2. We are interceeding for husbands to truly understand thier role because they are our first line of defense in many ways.

3. We are interceeding for the CHILDREN of those marriages so that thier parents can represent to them  a part of YHWH'S LOVE.

4. We are interceeding against the enemy who wants to destory marriage by adultery, strife, conflict.

5. we are interceeding for women that are single... to lose themselves in YHWH and if Adonai desires to bring them a mate that they are spiritually, emotionally, mentally prepared and the men heed the call to be leaders and to hfollow the stirring in thier heart to obey YHWH and if so called to find a wife and not play around...

6., we are interceeding against the statistics that bring fear and drive women to settle for less than HIS best whether that is singlehood or marriage.

7. we are interceeding against those  who try to slyly speak against YHWH's Word against how marriage should be sought


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

SND411 said:


> This is how I feel:
> 
> I think it is exceedingly important to pray and discuss Christian marriage. A lot of the Christian community is based on the "traditional family" with marriage being at the center ideally. Marriage is a wonderful thing. I also agree that the world does not really value marriage, and that many Christian communities are not seriously viewing marriage as a picture of Christ and His Church. I am sorry for diverting that thread.
> 
> ...



Well said.  Especially the part in bold.  I actually raised this point once and I thought I would be stoned.   Then people start "comforting" me telling me my husband was "on the way."  

1. I didn't raise the point because deep down I feel like I won't get married.  I raised it because it is a legitimate issue that should be discussed and appreciated.  
2. I hate when people say, "your husband is on the way," as if he's just stopped off at a store or something or they know "where" he is.  lol


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## SND411 (Aug 12, 2010)

luthiengirlie said:


> let me make my points clear.
> 1. we are interceeding for the current Christian marriages that are under attack in a variety of ways
> 2. We are interceeding for husbands to truly understand thier role because they are our first line of defense in many ways.
> 
> ...



I agree with all of your points and forgive me for diverting your thread. All of those seven areas desperately need prayer. 
I guess what I said in the other thread was a response to observing almost half of all threads in the Christian Forum always related someway to marriage.


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## SND411 (Aug 12, 2010)

nathansgirl1908 said:


> Well said.  Especially the part in bold.  I actually raised this point once and I thought I would be stoned.   Then people start "comforting" me telling me my husband was "on the way."
> 
> 1. I didn't raise the point because deep down I feel like I won't get married.  I raised it because it is a legitimate issue that should be discussed and appreciated.
> 2. I hate when people say, "your husband is on the way," as if he's just stopped off at a store or something or they know "where" he is.  lol



I get this response each time I state I want to remain single for life. It is as if people cannot fathom a Christian life with a "man."


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## luthiengirlie (Aug 12, 2010)

it's cool and it may have been a good idea to post this in the beginning... it just bothers me when people are trying to infer that i'm being selfish.. if i was YHWH would have checked me... and HE has..


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## luthiengirlie (Aug 12, 2010)

SND411. It's awesome that you desire that... and it's a beautiful thang and don't let no one tell you otherwise!


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## Laela (Aug 12, 2010)

I believe more Christians can fathom this, including me, than you care to admit. The greatest apostle was a lifetime bachelor..there are people called to do God's work and marriage isn't a desire or maybe God doesn't want them to. That is all great and honorable....

.... and the connection to intercessory prayer against spiritual warfare on marriage is??




SND411 said:


> I get this response each time I state I want to remain single for life. It is as if people cannot fathom a Christian life with a "man."


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## LovingLady (Aug 12, 2010)

nathansgirl1908 said:


> Also, in placing such emphasis on marriage, *Christians don't address how  hearts become divided in marriage leaving little room for God.*  That's one reason I'm not interested in marriage right now.  I want my whole heart to be for God.



That is why I feel it should be discussed. This is something that couples need to know how to do successful (with God as the center). I also feel that it will show people who are really Christians and who are not, then you have a better idea of who to be involved with. My friend was taught at church that when he is dating someone, it has to be done in a group setting (4 or more people). If he wants to get to know one of the girls, he would have to do it in front of everyone. They have even told couples not to sit together during service and that kissing is something that only married people do. If more churches started doing this, it will help weed people out who are 1. not interested in you personally and 2. who are not followers of Christ. 



nathansgirl1908 said:


> We can and we should. But there is a difference between this and what is going on in the other thread.



I am sorry it is didn't accross off that way but that was the intention. 



luthiengirlie said:


> WHICH IS WHY i don't understand why people have issues with it?* if YHWH calls you to intercede IN SOMETHING ELSE. by ALL MEANS DO SO. I would never question it or disagree with it.* I would have given you the courtesy of PMING you in PRIVATE seeking understanding.  NOT blasting AND DIVERTING the purpose of a thread because you disagree with it?
> DOESN'T make any SENSE to me!



Very true. What God might lay on one person's heart to do, He might not lay on another.



sidney said:


> I think it is the individual's responsibility to check their hearts.  We are to be likeminded about the things God cares about.  Can I be honest?*  If someone where to post a prayer thread for marriage vs. a prayer thread about homelessness, which one do you think will get more of a response?*



This is very true. In the "Will you pray now" thread (the one nicen'wavy started"), I post articles about Christians being persecuted in the Middle East and Asia, and I ask for people to keep others that are in those areas in their prays . . . I don't know if people do it. 




nathansgirl1908 said:


> *That was not an attack on marriage.*  And to be truthful, that's just the kind of thing I am talking about.  Everything is not an attack on marriage.   That certainly wasn't and it is baffling as to why someone would see it as so.
> 
> I'm sorry if you are feeling sensitive on the issue of marriage, but you should not be offended when people want to have discussion.  And if you want people to join you in your prayer, you should be willing to make it clear to them what they are praying for.  I don't pray blindly and I know there are others who don't as well.



Are you referring to the other thread or what you said in it?


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

Laela said:


> .... and the connection to intercessory prayer against spiritual warfare on marriage is??



I think that has already been shown in this thread and in the other thread.


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

sidney said:


> We are to be likeminded about the things God cares about.  Can I be honest?  If someone where to post a prayer thread for marriage vs. a prayer thread about homelessness, which one do you think will get more of a response?



Around here I think the one about marriage would get the most responses.  And THAT is troubling to me.


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## CoilyFields (Aug 12, 2010)

We should be praying constantly about the things God has put on our hearts.

The other thread was an offshoot of someone in the random thoughts mentioning an attack on Christian marriages. Some of us also agreed and decided to become more intentional in the war.  It was good for me to see a couple other christians that have had this burden placed on their hearts at the same time it is on mine.  About half of the Christian marriages I know are on the verge of divorce (with children involved).  So this season...I KNOW that God has called me to intercede for everyone whose marriage is suffering (not just my own). It is true that he may not place the same burden on everyones heart so it is important to follow the prompting of the Holy Ghost so that you pray with a pure heart.


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## Laela (Aug 12, 2010)

I'd think Christian conduct according to the Word is supposed to establish a lot of this. And the elder women and women are to teach the younger ones. Are you talking specifically about classes at churches to groom young men/ women for marriage? 



Abdijz said:


> That is why I feel it should be discussed. This is something that couples need to know how to do successful (with God as the center). I also feel that it will show people who are really Christians and who are not, then you have a better idea of who to be involved with. My friend was taught at church that when he is dating someone, it has to be done in a group setting (4 or more people). If he wants to get to know one of the girls, he would have to do it in front of everyone. They have even told couples not to sit together during service and that kissing is something that only married people do. If more churches started doing this, it will help weed people out who are 1. not interested in you personally and 2. who are not followers of Christ.


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## LovingLady (Aug 12, 2010)

SND411 said:


> This is how I feel:
> 
> I think it is exceedingly important to pray and discuss Christian marriage. A lot of the Christian community is based on the "traditional family" with marriage being at the center ideally. Marriage is a wonderful thing. *I also agree that the world does not really value marriage, and that many Christian communities are not seriously viewing marriage as a picture of Christ and His Church.*



That is sad to hear and I hate that it is true. Why do you think (anyone can answer this) Christian communities don't view marriage the way you described?



SND411 said:


> I am sorry for diverting that thread.



It is ok. 



SND411 said:


> I think the problem is that many Christians, especially Christian women, feel that they HAVE to get married. It is because society/family drill it into our heads since we are born. Women are always told that without a man romantically in our lives, we are nothing.* I feel that people should discuss Godly Christian marriages as well as provide lifestyle advice on how to serve God as a single person for life without becoming a monk or a nun.*



I think this really should be done. Jesus didn't have time for a marriage because He had to save the world. For some people, it might not be in God's plans. 



Laela said:


> *I believe more Christians can fathom this*, including me, than you care to admit. The greatest apostle was a lifetime bachelor..there are people called to do God's work and marriage isn't a desire or maybe God doesn't want them to. That is all great and honorable....
> 
> .... and the connection to intercessory prayer against spiritual warfare on marriage is??



I believe it.


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## topsyturvy86 (Aug 12, 2010)

I do think in some Christian circles, a whole lot of emphasis is placed on marriage. This is not necessarily a bad thing as marriage is important; however sometimes it seems like marriage validates a woman and it should be every womans desire and if it isn't at a particular time then it is a bit hard to accept. I have noticed that the lack of marriage seems a lot in Christian circles and I do not think this lack of marriage itself is an attack per say and i'll tell you why. 

1) There are way more women in the Church than men. Women are more involved in the Church than men and women cannot marry themselves or do not want to marry outside of the body of Christ. The problem is a lack of true Christian men that really embrace God like we do.

2) I  feel the attack on singleness is Christian women feeling they are validated by marriage, that this is the ultimate blessing and that it will finally make them happy. This makes Christian women very hungry for a husband and sometimes I wonder if the proportion of single Christian women is really that much higher or the women are just so much more keener than others. The second attack is the lack of men in the Church in comparison to women and this needs to be prayed for.


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## LovingLady (Aug 12, 2010)

Laela said:


> I'd think Christian conduct according to the Word is supposed to establish a lot of this. And the elder women and women are to teach the younger ones. Are you talking specifically about classes at churches to groom young men/ women for marriage?



No , it is something that was taught to every one. I it was during bible study for the college/high school students.


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## topsyturvy86 (Aug 12, 2010)

CoilyFields said:


> We should be praying constantly about the things God has put on our hearts.
> 
> The other thread was an offshoot of someone in the random thoughts mentioning an attack on Christian marriages. Some of us also agreed and decided to become more intentional in the war.  It was good for me to see a couple other christians that have had this burden placed on their hearts at the same time it is on mine.  About half of the Christian marriages I know are on the verge of divorce (with children involved).  So this season...I KNOW that God has called me to intercede for everyone whose marriage is suffering (not just my own). It is true that he may not place the same burden on everyones heart so it is important to follow the prompting of the Holy Ghost so that you pray with a pure heart.



Now I understand. I can and will definitely join in in praying for Christian marriages in trouble.


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

I also think more emphasis is placed on marriage amongst BLACK CHristians.  I have been a member of other forums where the membership was 90% white.   You didn't see that many threads about praying for marriage or desiring marriage.  They would post about relationship issues, but the thirst for marriage was just not as prevalent.  

And when I talk one-on-one with my white Christian female friends who are single, they don't bring up the issue.  It's just not that serious to them.  They feel like if they will get married fine, if not, fine.


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## Bunny77 (Aug 12, 2010)

nathansgirl1908 said:


> I also think more emphasis is placed on marriage amongst BLACK CHristians.  I have been a member of other forums where the membership was 90% white.   You didn't see that many threads about praying for marriage or desiring marriage.  They would post about relationship issues, but the thirst for marriage was just not as prevalent.
> 
> And when I talk one-on-one with my white Christian female friends who are single, they don't bring up the issue.  It's just not that serious to them.  They feel like if they will get married fine, if not, fine.



I wonder if that's because they feel that if they wanted to get married, they would be able to because there's a sense that there's enough men available for them. 

For black women, there's more of a fear that the main thing keeping them from marriage (whenever they might desire it) is a lack of men... so the sense is that they need to "snatch up" a man RIGHTNOW or else, they're out of luck.

I think it's easier to feel at peace about singleness with the realization that if/when you decide you want to marry, you don't have to worry all that much about options.


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## Do_Si_Dos (Aug 12, 2010)

nathansgirl1908 said:


> I also think more emphasis is placed on marriage amongst BLACK CHristians. I have been a member of other forums where the membership was 90% white. You didn't see that many threads about praying for marriage or desiring marriage. They would post about relationship issues, but the thirst for marriage was just not as prevalent.
> 
> And when I talk one-on-one with my white Christian female friends who are single, they don't bring up the issue. It's just not that serious to them. They feel like if they will get married fine, if not, fine.


 
Also, whites marry at a higher rate than blacks, and white couples are usually married by their mid twenties.  That's not based on stats, just a humble observation.


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## Guitarhero (Aug 12, 2010)

Abdijz said:


> An interesting discussion was brought up and I would honestly like to know how you feel on this issue, please feel free to respond.
> 
> *Do you feel that Christians place too much of an importance on marriage. *
> 
> For me personally, I don't think so. I have only been to one church that highlighted it, and that was for one day. The most that I hear from church members is find a Christian spouse and call it a day. To me it seems like once you find a man (or a man find a woman) no one tells you how to keep a godly marriage, and no one prays for you about your marriage if conflict arises. We learn how to do everything else successfully, why can't we learn how to properly have a godly marriage, or pray for one another when they need help in this area.



No, not at all.  It's one of 7 sacraments, all with equal importance in the kingdom.

Read some more posts and please realize, it's largely cultural.  Italians place an incredible amount of importance to marriage, as do Lebanese, Latinos, AA's, Muslims etc.


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## nathansgirl1908 (Aug 12, 2010)

Bunny77 said:


> I wonder if that's because they feel that if they wanted to get married, they would be able to because there's a sense that there's enough men available for them.
> 
> For black women, there's more of a fear that the main thing keeping them from marriage (whenever they might desire it) is a lack of men... so the sense is that they need to "snatch up" a man RIGHTNOW or else, they're out of luck.
> 
> I think it's easier to feel at peace about singleness with the realization that if/when you decide you want to marry, you don't have to worry all that much about options.



I think Black women can have that same peace.  I certainly do.  IF I ever decide to get marry, I'm not worried about the "shortage" of men.  I've never understood why women were worried about that.


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## Poohbear (Aug 12, 2010)

In my personal opinion, I think most women (especially ones who have already had premarital sex) want to get married so they can have "holy" sex since sex is only intended for marriage according to the Bible. But at the same time, women want male companionship, attention, love, affection, care, committment, etc. as well.


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## Bunny77 (Aug 12, 2010)

nathansgirl1908 said:


> I think Black women can have that same peace.  I certainly do.  IF I ever decide to get marry, I'm not worried about the "shortage" of men.  I've never understood why women were worried about that.



I think they can have that same sense of peace as well.

But, a lot don't realize that they can, and thus, the reason that there's such an obsession with getting married.

I can understand it to a degree... if said black women's circles are relatively small and they don't see many black men there, then that's their reality. For a lot of people, it takes some outside-the-box thinking to see a situation differently -- if the media is saying there's a shortage and then they see a shortage in their own lives, I undertand why they would feel anxious.


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## phynestone (Aug 12, 2010)

No, I don't. But I do think some of us are obsessed with it, like marriage is the holy grail or something. 

Honestly, I would like to be married. However, marriage does not permeate all of my thoughts, I am not thinking about what my FH will be like or anything like that. I think because of all the recent divorces and marriages in the celeb world combined with the threads on this forum, probably have others believe that we're obsessed. 

I do wish more of us would take the institution of marriage seriously and be honest about our intentions.


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## Bunny77 (Aug 12, 2010)

Poohbear said:


> In my personal opinion, I think most women (especially ones who have already had premarital sex) want to get married so they can have godly sex since sex is only intended for marriage according to the Bible. But at the same time, women want male companionship, attention, love, affection, care, committment, et cetera as well.



And you know, I really don't think anything is wrong with that.


I guess the reason this topic has always puzzled me is because I always looked as marriage as a natural stage in life that didn't require much thought/debate/consternation/etc.  

Unless you made the choice to opt of out marriage on your own, then marriage, to me, should be a given. It has been for all of world history and continues to be that way for most of human civilization. Sometimes, this isn't always a good thing, as many women have no choice in the matter. But for those who do have a choice, to me, I don't see what the issue is about desiring to marry and then doing so.

The concept that one's marital status (married or single) can be a distraction or hindrance to one's relationship with God has never quite made sense to me, and I've never heard churches really express that notion until very recently. 

Which makes me think this is a chicken-egg argument... because societal forces have decreased marital options for those who desire it, pastors and church leaders have started to reshape their teachings to emphasize the 1 Corinthians 7 idea of singleness being a gift and how it's "better" to be single because one can focus more on God.

But I can't think of too many older people that I know who grew up in a time in which marriage was the norm saying that they were taught the above... which makes me question whether or not a message that encouraged people to be content in their single state actually got taken way too far.

All of us -- married and single -- could do more to serve God and build our relationship with Him. It's going to be like that until the day we die. There are distractions that come with being married and being single... distractions come from being human, PERIOD. 

So that's why I've always felt that the church sometimes gets in the way of the natural order of things... I have ZERO issue with any woman desiring marriage and desiring at a time in which her body is wired to produce children and most crave sexual intimacy. We were created that way, and the last thing I want to hear is how said women should be doing more as singles to glorify God. 

If people desire marriage, they should marry. Not just any ole' person, and not just at any ole' time because they want to RIGHT NOW. But the delays many of us face in making it happen are often man-made... and likely not what God intended.


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## Guitarhero (Aug 12, 2010)

Bunny77 said:


> Unless you made the choice to opt of out marriage on your own, then marriage, to me, should be a given. It has been for all of world history and continues to be that way for most of human civilization. Sometimes, this isn't always a good thing, as many women have no choice in the matter. But for those who do have a choice, to me, I don't see what the issue is about desiring to marry and then doing so.
> 
> T*he concept that one's marital status (married or single) can be a distraction or hindrance to one's relationship with God has never quite made sense to me,* and I've never heard churches really express that notion until very recently.
> 
> Which makes me think this is a chicken-egg argument... because societal .



Marriage is certainly a vocation.


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## Bunny77 (Aug 12, 2010)

phynestone said:


> No, I don't. But I do think some of us are obsessed with it, like marriage is the holy grail or something.
> 
> Honestly, I would like to be married. However, marriage does not permeate all of my thoughts, I am not thinking about what my FH will be like or anything like that. I think because of all the recent divorces and marriages in the celeb world combined with the threads on this forum, probably have others believe that we're obsessed.
> 
> I do wish more of us would take the institution of marriage seriously and be honest about our intentions.



Agree with all of this!

I also think (and I've said this before) that LHCF is one of the few places I've been -- in real life or online -- where I can have conversations with BLACK women about marriage and be encouraged about it. 

I've often found it difficult to find black women with whom I could discuss my desire for marriage and children without having discussion completely shut down. And, this was one of the few places in which the married women offered support and an actual ACTION plan that would help make it more likely. 

So yes, marriage probably does dominate a lot of discussion on this forum and LHCF in general, but I think that shows a thirst for information that many haven't been able to get from black women in other environments. 

I think too that our discussion goes beyond, "I need a man/I hate being single/I want a man now," as well. If it was just that, I might agree that folks should step back a little and appreciate what they have as a single woman... but I don't see this as much as I do on other sites.


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