# I SWEAR i'm TIRED



## R.A.A.H (Jul 16, 2012)

I AM TIRED.
The devil is too busy in my life.
My family is what is tiring me out.
My grandmother got her leg amputated , and it's causing turmoil because she can't do for her self at all, let alone clean herself or change her clothes. So my mother and I have to do those things for her. Even tho we have other family members living close by with no jobs, no kids, and are not in college, they REFUSE TO HELP.
SCHOOL is tiring me out. Loans, loans, and more LOANS.
I GOT FIRED from a well paying job due to discrimination (A BIG RELIEF IF YOU ASK ME, I just miss the money!)
My mother's gambling habits are causing too much trouble. She's been gambling for YEARS, before I could even go to grade school. It has moved us from house to house and from company to company. 
I now have to work while going to school, which will be tiring and harder than ever. it's hard to find a job, my spirit is broken.
I am fighting with my mom, my only parent, more than usually because I feel that I am the least favorite child (2 kids). THIS is true. I could explain deeper in detail but it would be too much time.

I just don't know what to do anymore. it's like praying don't even work for me.

don't get me wrong, i LOVE MY GOD throughout my struggle because I know he will deliver me, but I am tired. Lord, I'm tired.


----------



## Aviah (Jul 16, 2012)

I have nothing to say to encourage you here, but I just want to say you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. I pray God keeps you strong x.


----------



## R.A.A.H (Jul 16, 2012)

Thanks, Aviah, sweetie. Reading scriptures and threads now


----------



## Iwanthealthyhair67 (Jul 16, 2012)

Praying that the Lord will continue to uphold and strengthen you, please don't loose heart...


----------



## LifeafterLHCF (Jul 16, 2012)

R.A.A.H I don't mean no harm but stop giving the devil credit. God allowed this very things that are going on. You were built for this type of climate. You will florish and succeed. You will look back and say I know how I got through it. I got through with God helping me all the way. Now dust yourself off,fix your hair,paint your nails,put on that pretty glosss,and lift your head up,shoulders back and march it out. Who is your avatar..think about it.


----------



## loulou7 (Jul 16, 2012)

My heart goes out to you. I know the feeling of being overwhelmed by life. I remember when my mom was terminally ill. Everything was on me, not one person volunteered to help out (after she died, I’m the one who had to pay for funeral expenses, and tie up loose ends). In the meantime, I was going to school, working, and was having health problems, of my own. 

I’m not going to lie, it was a hard pull and took a lot of conversations with Jesus, but He brought me through. I encourage the people in this thread, who happen to be aware of your circumstances, pray for you. I know I will.


----------



## R.A.A.H (Jul 16, 2012)

loulou7 said:


> My heart goes out to you. I know the feeling of being overwhelmed by life. I remember when my mom was terminally ill. Everything was on me, not one person volunteered to help out (after she died, I’m the one who had to pay for funeral expenses, and tie up loose ends). In the meantime, I was going to school, working, and was having health problems, of my own.
> 
> I’m not going to lie, it was a hard pull and took a lot of conversations with Jesus, but He brought me through. I encourage the people in this thread, who happen to be aware of your circumstances, pray for you. I know I will.


I couldn't see myself in your position, hun. MUST have been DEVASTATING. So so very sorry for your loss. I thank you all for your time and your encouragement. I will definitely keep my head up!


----------



## sidney (Jul 16, 2012)

Just hold on to God, and He will hold on to you.  God's word tells us that we will have many troubles, but we can overcome them all.  Hold on to your faith, He is sure to bring you through!  Don't faint!  When everything gets overwhelming just enter into his presence, and He will take your burdens away and give you peace.  Praying for you!


----------



## Shimmie (Jul 16, 2012)

The other day when I responded to your post in the 'Prayer Line' thread, I thought about Ruth and Naomi.... 

Now, that I've read your post above I know why.   You've dedicated your loyalty to your Grandmother.   As did Ruth to Naomi.   Ruth sacrificed the sure comforts of going back to her homeland, to stay and take care of a woman (who had grown older and unable to care for herself) and was literally all alone.   

Naomi's sons were gone; she had no other children, neither sons nor daughters to care for her.  Yet, Ruth chose to become a dedicated daughter to a woman who had not given birth to her, yet loved her as if she had.   Ruth pledged to Naomi, wherever you go I shall go; your God shall be my God and your people shall be my people.  

Ruth worked in the fields and gleaned the remnants of the wheat; and the work was not pretty.   I can only imagine the hot sun upon her each day, the scars upon her hands from pulling the rough edges of the wheat each day, only to make sure, her 'mother', Naomi would have nourishment and most of all, knowing someone loved her enough to stay. 

Dearest R.A.A.H., out of all of the others, you chose to stay.  You did not have too, yet you chose to.  You've chosen to take upon yourself a burden that no one else cared enough to do so.   You've made a sacrifice that God will not ignore, nor will it be unrewarded.   God's Word is clear for you...

_.... Beloved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak.

For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.

For when God made promise to Abraham, because he could swear by no greater, he sware by himself,

Saying, Surely blessing I will bless thee, and multiplying I will multiply thee.

And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise._

Hebrews 6:10-11 and 13-15

R.A.A.H.... No one else cared enough to just stay and help... yet you did.   

In the Word of God, it shares that God searched the earth, He looked to and fro, searching for one... someone... anyone... to bid His will, and He found none.    However for your grandmother, God looked and He found you.  

Please don't feel convicted for being tired and don't feel badly for venting.  You are indeed human and you were feeling at lost.   However, God is not going to leave you helpless and He will indeed bless you and reward you for being the 'ONE' who chose to stay... the One who did not walk away.   

R.A.A.H... this speaks volumes about the heart of you.  It speaks volumes to God in all of Heaven above.   He will not forget you...neither will your Grandmother.   For you did not leave her in squallor, fending for herself.   Her pain is so far greater than anything we are suffering.  And Precious R.A.A.H. you stayed.   God will not forget you for this.  No matter how hard it is for you right now, God will pull you through this and you will not be unrewarded for your loving heart and compassion and all of your sacrifice.   

God is also reminding me about Abraham when God called him to prepare his son Issac as a 'sacrifice'....  

There's a 'ram in the thicket (bush) for you too.


----------



## felic1 (Jul 16, 2012)

R.A.A.H.   Hello Sweetie! In the spring of 2010 the Lord said to me, " you are needed at home". I said, I have the mortgage payment and the car note, the light bill and "my"
other bills. The word is true. I was kicked off a job so I could be available for my mother. My father had a hip replacement and my mother had a stroke and heart complications. 6/8/2010, they fell in my lap. They could not cook, wash and they needed a lot of help. I showed up and got started. My mom and I had not been the closest but the Lord has mended that. My sister told me I was the only one stupid enough to be a caregiver. My brother and his wife and family refuses to answer the phone. I felt used, betrayed, bitter and ugly. God met my needs. He knows you are there. He is looking over his word to perform it. When you sacrifice and DO the word and OBEY he is all over it. He is looking for someone whose heart is perfect before him. He wants us to obey the word and not just say it. I looked up and the house was paid for, the care was paid off. God met my needs and I was there as a testament of God's goodness to my parents. You will make it. He put you in that position. When we have our back to the wall and cannot handle our business, this is when he is the strongest. I spent so much time working, working, working. Trying to pay bills. Overtime, swing shift, second job, extra. When I was unable to go work, I decided to grow my hair as a hobby. Hence LHCF,hence you. He will meet your needs according to his riches in glory. The bible is a living document. It is not a dead letter. Printed on paper, it has a cover. When you do it and live its precepts, his goodness and mercy will follow you ALL the days of your life and YOU will dwell in the house of the Lord. FOREVER!!!!! Love Ya!! Keep your head up and perservere!


----------



## R.A.A.H (Jul 16, 2012)

I am in tears. I really am. I am so grateful for you all. I truly believe this is no coincidence, and GOD has allowed this. Smh, I should have known better than to think I have failed. Time to get on my knees and beg for His mercy!!!!!!

LOVE YOU!


----------



## lilanie (Jul 17, 2012)

Praying for your situation as a whole and that you have sweet sleep ~ every single night...


----------



## auparavant (Jul 17, 2012)

Praying for you as well.  My word of advice, do not EVER listen to the naysayers who might judge you for refusing any little thing or for your inability to make things run smoothly 100% of the time.  There are going to be those people.  Close family can turn a blind eye to your suffering.  It hurts like hell, surely.  The ladies gave great advice, just don't lose hope.  But do voice your heart to Him all...and I do mean, ALLL, the time.  If you hold it in like a perfect little servant, you are going to snap or will  harm yourself emotionally and healthwise.  Be honest with G-d and tell him all.  Hold onto Him, even when it hurts like hell.


----------



## BlackHairDiva (Jul 20, 2012)

I saw your post and I just had to respond to it. I went through the exact same thing a few years ago.
In 2004, I had gotten laid off by an employer that was more than dishonest. I was unemployed and by Christmas I went home to find my father being ill. My dad passed away on January 5 th 2005. By then, I had to stay home with :

- My mom who has 4 herniated disc and problems with her arm.
- My grand mother who is blind, bedridden and has dementia
- At the time, my new sister in law who was pregnant.
- My little brother at the time who was stubborn and always sneaking out of the house. In result, we had so many young kids trying to sneak in the house. We were always on high alert and stressed out.

On top of that, I was the one taking care of all the paper work, the bill payments, cooking, cleaning, all the different errands. I also tutored my little brother who had to take an extra semester to graduate HS. 

By the end of the year, we all moved into another area. By then, my oldest nephew was born and I had my older brother were also living in the same house. I was still stuck doing all the chores with no help.By 2007, after 3 years of being unemployed I got part time job.

What I noticed through the years is that I needed to take better care of myself. I was a mess physically, emotional, psychologically. I was tired just like you and felt like was in a dead end.

*Here is what I suggest:*

1) Work solution: If you are in a situation that when you are at home no one calls you every 20 mins to do something. Its relatively quiet or calm. Working from home might be your thing. If it’s the case here are some things you can look into…


*www.ratracerebellion.com*
https://www.contractxchange.com/work_at_home_jobs_usa/01_home/work_at_home_jobs_home.html

If not… The best solution is to look for a call center job. Why? Because the turnover rate is high and they will always be looking for people. Plus, you get to talk to people as a customer service rep. That means you must always be upbeat and smiley. Eventually it will transfer into your real life. You will be more positive.




2) Take care of you!!! I know its not easy but try to take care of yourself. Get the amount of sleep you are supposed to get, etc. Listen to radio stations of podcast that talk about accomplishing your dreams etc. It will get you into thinking positive and give you a boost. I did that and even do at the time, I was in no mood for listening that I left it playing while I was cleaning or doing chores. I figured that eventually something will click and if not..the info in will be in my brain. I suggest listening to K-love radio and focus on the lyrics even do the melody might not be to your liking. 


** Remember that God put you in that situation for a reason. He will never give you more than you can take and that is why you are the one in this situation. You are the strong one able to handle it and that is why he put you there and not your sibling. You are learning and obtaining a lot of skills due to this situation. You learn stress management, Financial management, Organizational skills, etc. You might not see it now but you are learning so much!!!



In the meantime, here is something to start you off and get you back on track:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZLsA8YP-6g&list=PLC4E3B9D56D3AA7CC&index=15&feature=plpp_video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzmaJ-M1aZs


Hang in there !!! You will be ok.






















R.A.A.H said:


> I AM TIRED.
> The devil is too busy in my life.
> My family is what is tiring me out.
> My grandmother got her leg amputated , and it's causing turmoil because she can't do for her self at all, let alone clean herself or change her clothes. .....


----------



## MSee (Jul 20, 2012)

R.A.A.H I've prayed for you.

You got so many good advise. God bless you ladies. I was so touched and encouraged by the testimonies myself.


----------



## Galadriel (Jul 20, 2012)

Praying for you, R.A.A.H

Offer up your frustrations and sacrifices to God.


----------



## EbonyTresses (Jul 20, 2012)

R.A.A.H.,  I pray that you'll be encouraged. This too shall pass, and you will have such a POWERFUL testimony! I will keep you in my prayers. Continue to ask the Lord for strength. You'll be alright, you're the King's daughter, and he loves and cares for his own. This whole situation is so much bigger than you, and it's all working together for your good. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is. Stay encouraged sis


----------



## R.A.A.H (Jul 21, 2012)

Thanks huns. I am going to Sunday School first thing in the morning, and as you guys said, I will keep my head up high. I know I will prosper from this...even if it feels like it's taking too long.


----------



## Lanea87 (Jul 24, 2012)

Aviah said:


> I have nothing to say to encourage you here, but I just want to say you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. I pray God keeps you strong x.



You are not alone like Aviah said, heck I am here with you. I am just a PM away. I am going through alot myself and I am better at lifting other than I am myself....crazy I know. I have lost of empathy for ppl. 



GoddessMaker said:


> R.A.A.H I don't mean no harm but stop giving the devil credit.* God allowed this very things that are going on.* You were built for this type of climate. You will florish and succeed. You will look back and say I know how I got through it. I got through with God helping me all the way. Now dust yourself off,fix your hair,paint your nails,put on that pretty glosss,and lift your head up,shoulders back and march it out. Who is your avatar..think about it.



These are the trials that I am always speaking on. I will find what I wrote about it and post here for you. BRB

We go through trials that discipline us….they are things that make us stronger and wiser. I have learned that God may not remove the trials, but remember that you are never alone. So don’t turn your back on him bc that is what the devil wants. I learned about a month ago that *there are 4 different types of trials: Correction, Perfection, Discipline, and Purification.* If God PUTS you in these situations he will MAKE sure you are safe bc you are in obedience to him. But if you just end up in these situations bc you are hardhead then IDK what to tell you…..maybe you will fall on you face as I did and learn the VERY hard way. Just follow God because he will solve ALL of your problems, he cares! He works us through trials for our own good.

There are four kinds of trials:
a. Trials of correction (Jonah).
b. Trials of perfection (Daniel; Matthew 8:23-27; 14:22-36 – the disciples on the water).
c. Trials of discipline (Hebrews 12:7-11 - Joseph).
d. Trials of purification (1 Peter 1:5-9; Philippians 2:12).


----------



## R.A.A.H (Aug 7, 2012)

Thank you so much you guys.
As days go by, I am starting to get happier.
I smile more, and I am more peaceful.


thanks a lot LHCF family


----------



## Shimmie (Aug 7, 2012)

R.A.A.H said:


> Thank you so much you guys.
> As days go by, I am starting to get happier.
> I smile more, and I am more peaceful.
> 
> ...



So loved you are Precious R.A.A.H   So very loved indeed.   God rejoices over you , His precious daughter whom He _loves beyond love _and His joy shall always be His covering over you.     

Even in the very midst of life's deepest valleys.  So great is the measure of your Father's love for you... so great is the measure.    

in Jesus' Name.... Always, Amen and Amen.


----------



## R.A.A.H (Aug 9, 2012)

Thanks sweetie! 

*TESTIMONY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
i HAVE to rejoice in His name!! As i stood up in bed this morning, i realized that my prayer has been answered. YES! While getting my grandmother in bed, I said a silent prayer to myself: "Father God, help my grandmother want to HELP herself!" and the next day, my mother and I went to the bank downtown because my grandmother wanted us to put some money in her bank account for bills. My mom met a nice lady there that stood behind her in line. She heard a CLINK CLINK and noticed that the lady had a prosthetic leg! 

This lady was in the SAME condition and is (diabetes) as my grandmother, let me remind you, she suffered from gangrene and still diabetes so they amputated her left lower calve, and she has been SO depressed (already depressed before then). THE LADY AT THE BANK HAD THE PROSTHETIC LEG THAT WE'RE WAITING ON. she gave my mom the full story of of how she overcame her adversity. She lost her leg in a car accident and told the doctor to take the DARN LEG OFF if it's gonna kill her! Because her doctor tried to save her leg, but he realized that it would eventually kill her to leave such a mutilated body part in suchcondition!  

My mom tried to protest and say "well my mom lost her leg to ganegrene and she's diabetic", but the lady counterattacked her with the fact that she, herself, IS a young diabetic! She was in a wheelchair after surgery and got out within 4 months of therapy. The lady said it's all about WILL POWER and by us doing the therapy at home, it won't help her get the willpower she needs. The love is there, but she needs to be around others to MOTIVATE her that are in the same condition as she is!!  She gave us her number and left. LORD SHE WALKED BY ME AND I DIDNT NOTICE HER LEG. 

i aint finished yet!
so we gave my grandmother the number to call, and i've never seen the family so at ease together. my mother and i left to eat lunch. so unfortunately, the number didn't work because my grandmom said that it wasn't taking incoming calls. BUT WAIT--my grandmother used her NETWORKING skills to find the RIGHT number! This lady called the bank and somehow, the bank teller was the daughter of the lady!!! SHE GOT IN TOUCH WITH HER AND SHE'S COMING OVER TODAY! Let it be known, that we have NEVER Seen nor heard of this woman, and we live in a small town where everyone knows everybody! 

You see, i prayed that she would WANT to help herself, and God made her able to WANT to help herself so BADLY, that she reached out to actually get in touch with this lady, and let it be known, my grandmother has NEVER been this ready to get better! It's amazing!

i am in tears because i feel foolish that i just realized the fact that GOD answered my prayers subliminally. He is SO GOOD.

IF THE LORD AINT GOOD, AND IF FATHER GOD AINT THE BEST..WHO IS?


----------



## R.A.A.H (Aug 10, 2012)

So the lady came by, and it was so refreshing. she has a young spirit, but at first, I thought she was a young woman. She's in her Sexy 60s, and dont look anything like it! she dances, she sings, and she praises Him!!! this lady is a wonderful spirit with a contagious personality. I enjoyed her; we enjoyed her. she mentioned how she helped one man gain his strength in both legs to walk again and every Sunday, he thanks her. She mentioned how she was thrown out of her car during the accident (somebody ran straight into her and she flew out the window), but this lady is up singing and dancing across the room!!! GOD is the greatest!i am thankful.


----------



## Shimmie (Aug 10, 2012)

R.A.A.H.   

:woohoo2:     :woohoo2:       :woohoo2:


PRAISE GOD Who Never Fails us... PRAISE GOD  Forever and Ever, Amen.

So, so happy for you Precious One....   :woohoo2:


Please keep us posted.


----------

