# Poll - Spiritual Confessions



## Glib Gurl (Jul 28, 2007)

This is a spinoff of the confessions thread in the OT forum.  Now i'm not trying to get in anybody's business.  Hardly!  But I thought it might be nice to have a place where we can confess certain things as they relate to our Christian walk and provide support and encouragement for one another.  (As it says in James 5:16 - "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.")

So, here goes:

 - I have not been taking the time to read my Bible or pray.  Usually I mumble a few words to the Lord before falling asleep but overall I have not been spending time with Him or in His word.  I believe this is why I have been "slipping" and being more "of" the world than just being "in" it, as we are supposed to.

 - Related to the above, I don't feel that I'm living up to my spiritual potential.  I really believe in my hear that the Lord has great things for me to do, but because I haven't been spending time with Him I am missing out on all that He desires for me.


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## DreamLife (Jul 28, 2007)

Glib Gurl said:


> This is a spinoff of the confessions thread in the OT forum.  Now i'm not trying to get in anybody's business.  Hardly!  But I thought it might be nice to have a place where we can confess certain things as they relate to our Christian walk and provide support and encouragement for one another.  (As it says in James 5:16 - "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.")
> 
> So, here goes:
> 
> ...



Same here. I told some friends that this summer I would try to really get in my Word and study (in order to make myself accountable) and its almost August and I haven't really picked up a Bible. I read Christian books and scriptures on and off throughout the week but I haven't been studying the Word itself. I read the inspirational books where there are key scriptures but I think thats sort of lazy on my part.... I dunno. When I get home from my internship Im so tired...but I'm always on here. So I guess I need to re evaluate my priorities...


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## PaperClip (Jul 28, 2007)

I'm scared to fall back fully in love with the Lord again.... I LOVE the Lord, but due to disappointment over the years, I'm scared to let my guard down to the Lord and the things of the Lord. In recent months, I've gotten closer than where I was...but I'm still reluctant to fully open my heart back to Him again....

...and I have prayed so long for marriage and companionship...and I have been disappointed that this promise has still yet to manifest... and then the disappointment draws me away from Him...

...it's a vicious cycle....


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## ThursdayGirl (Jul 28, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


> I'm scared to fall back fully in love with the Lord again.... I LOVE the Lord, but due to disappointment over the years, I'm scared to let my guard down to the Lord and the things of the Lord. In recent months, I've gotten closer than where I was...but I'm still reluctant to fully open my heart back to Him again....
> 
> ...*and I have prayed so long for marriage and companionship...and I have been disappointed that this promise has still yet to manifest... and then the disappointment draws me away from Him*...
> 
> ...it's a vicious cycle....



This is me, but for the manifestation of my spiritual gifts and to know my purpose in life.  I fully believe I am supposed to do something special and great for Him, but I have no clue what that might be.


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## AMJMJR (Jul 28, 2007)

I can confess that I sometimes worry and try to take over rather than allowing God to work his plan.  I confess that when things are going well I stop praying and concentrating on the word of God. 
I am working on maintaining a close relationship with God.


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## kweenameena (Jul 29, 2007)

I just found God (again) but this time I fell in love with him!! Okay so that wan't really a confession. I'm blessed by him always. I am comforted that he will take care of me.

My confession: I'm afraid that this "natural high" in the Lord will be short-lived and I'll feel lost again!


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## Glib Gurl (Jul 29, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


> *I'm scared to fall back fully in love with the Lord again.... *I LOVE the Lord, but due to disappointment over the years, I'm scared to let my guard down to the Lord and the things of the Lord. In recent months, I've gotten closer than where I was...but I'm still reluctant to fully open my heart back to Him again....
> 
> ...and I have prayed so long for marriage and companionship...and I have been disappointed that this promise has still yet to manifest... and then the disappointment draws me away from Him...
> 
> ...it's a vicious cycle....


 

I can relate to this . . . not so much because of being disappointed about anything but because I'm scared of what He may want me to do and the sacrifices I have to make.  Man, I feel awful confessing that.  erplexed So I guess part of my prayer is to be brave enough to do what He has in store for me . . . .


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## PaperClip (Jul 29, 2007)

Glib Gurl said:


> I can relate to this . . . not so much because of being disappointed about anything but because I'm scared of what He may want me to do and the sacrifices I have to make. Man, I feel awful confessing that. erplexed So I guess part of my prayer is to be brave enough to do what He has in store for me . . . .


 
Wow... amen.... maybe the Lord gave me strength to reveal it so He could heal it....

What can I do to fall in love with him anew again?


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## Glib Gurl (Jul 29, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


> What can I do to fall in love with him anew again?


 
Well, for me, I think it's going to be about going back to the basics.  So, maybe you can ask yourself how you fell in love the first time?  For me, it was having a daily, set-aside prayer time . . . I protected it and it became part of my routine.  I grew *so* much during that period . . . once I got "too busy" my growth stagnated.


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## PaperClip (Jul 30, 2007)

Glib Gurl said:


> Well, for me, I think it's going to be about going back to the basics. So, maybe you can ask yourself how you fell in love the first time? For me, it was having a daily, set-aside prayer time . . . I protected it and it became part of my routine. I grew *so* much during that period . . . once I got "too busy" my growth stagnated.


 
I can (and have) do all of that but the cycle is there, esp. when I deal with feelings of loneliness and questions of why I'm (still) waiting....

Is his love enough? It's supposed to be, isn't it? 

It's interesting because at church today, the guest speaker said to the women (after qualifying it with women who are married or who were married) that (paraphrase) that God's love is enough and He has you/them covered....  And I'm like: it's easy/easier to say that on the other side of marriage.... I kinda shut down for a minute after those remarks....

I believe that God's ideal to learn and prepare for marriage is via a relationship with Him first, like in the Garden of Eden.... But all I see are people and relationships that look like people learned how to love God more after they were married.... (of course, I cannot prove this because I'm not in anybody else's body/spirit, so I could have this very wrong).

It's not even (only) about the sex...but the companionship.... It's very lonely....


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


> I can (and have) do all of that but the cycle is there, esp. when I deal with feelings of loneliness and questions of why I'm (still) waiting....
> 
> Is his love enough? It's supposed to be, isn't it?
> 
> ...




You know what though,  a person can be very lonely in a marriage.  Our first love must be for God. That is the right order of things.

As a married woman and a woman who ministers to married couples, I KNOW for a fact that the importance of being in love with the Lord is the most important thing a woman can do in her journey as a christian.

I wasn't always married...in my single years I too felt lonely, but I knew that if I didn't give my heart completely over to the Lord FIRST, I knew that I wouldn't have the man that He wanted to give to me.  When I came to that conclusion and actually fell in love with Jesus, again....He bought the man of my dreams into my life and I haven't been the same since.

We must remember that God requires Holiness in our lives, in every area (our thoughts, speech, actions).  He is a jealous God and desires your heart for Himself, first.

Blessings to you.


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## PaperClip (Jul 30, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:


> [/b]
> 
> You know what though, a person can be very lonely in a marriage. Our first love must be for God. That is the right order of things.
> 
> ...


 
Yes.... I recognize this...but that's what's soooooo scary.... What if I can't give my heart completely over to the Lord? What if I can't get this guard down? I've been trying.... I really have....


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## crlsweetie912 (Jul 30, 2007)

I confess that I have been wanting to leave the ministry that I KNOW I have been destined to serve in.   Everytime I do anything related to the ministry, I have been hit on everyside.  I have been blatantly confronted by people in the ministry in an effort by the "enemy" to get me to quit.

I am so grateful that I know that this is just an attack to get me to focus on the bad and not the good.  I just have to keep focused on what GOD has called me to do.

I also have been feeling for the past several weeks that God is about to do wonderful, marvelous things in my life.  Everyday it's as if I feel so full of His love, grace and mercy.  I don't want to get impatient and have my flesh rule over me and want things to be done in my time and not His appointed time.  Great thread GG!


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## Glib Gurl (Jul 30, 2007)

I have another confession to make.  I worry about Hell all the time.  For a long time I was convinced that I was going there because of my sinfulness.  It took a long time for the Lord to convince me otherwise.  (Seriously, he had to whip me into serious spiritual shape before I trusted enough to believe in the promise of salvation.)

Also, when I hear that someone has died, the very first thing I think about is whether they went to Hell.

I think that part of my preoccupation with it is because of (1) my upbringing in a fire and brimstone church, (2) my attendance of Catholic school for 12 years -- which came with a heaping of guilt, and (3) my obsessive-compulsive disorder, which I had diagnosed in 1999 and focuses on religious obsessions.


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


> Yes.... I recognize this...but that's what's soooooo scary.... What if I can't give my heart completely over to the Lord? What if I can't get this guard down? I've been trying.... I really have....


 
Hey girl,

We can't serve two masters.  You either hate one or love the other and vice versa.  You must totally and completely give your heart over to the Lord or how else can we say we KNOW HIM?

Satan is putting you in a position of worrying, which is the opposite of faith.  Without faith, its impossible to please God, for he that comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him.  Most people feel that its just about believing, but its more than that.  We must trust Him in every area in our lives...and our heart must be for Him.

When Jesus died for us, He totally and completely gave His heart to us.  We must do the same.

I will be praying for you, because I know its not easy.  Allow God to permeate those areas that satan has access to.  Satan has no right to be there, unless with give him those rights.

We can know many, many things...but not understand anything at all.  God is an all consuming fire and His desire is all of you. He said that you are inscribed in the palms of His hands, so everytime He looks at His hands, He sees your beautiful face.  He wants to know you in ways that you do not know.  He wants a relationship with you that only you and He can share.  He wants to love you completely, fully, without hesitation.  That's why I love the Song of Solomen...it really shows how God loves the Church (us) so much and how much He desires to be with us.That's more than ANY MAN can give you.  

It shouldn't be that you give one part to God and the other to self.  That's why we must die to self daily and as we do, we draw closer to Him and we exchange love together...a love that will never fail.  A love that permeates our soul...even to the marrow of our bones and that love knows the thoughts and intent of our hearts.

This journey we are in is not an easy one, but praise be to God Almighty, we have Him who walks with us and at times, carry us through it all.

You are so blessed....I encourage you to fall in love with Him again...you will not regret it!

Blessings.


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

Glib Gurl said:


> I have another confession to make. I worry about Hell all the time. For a long time I was convinced that I was going there because of my sinfulness. It took a long time for the Lord to convince me otherwise. (Seriously, he had to whip me into serious spiritual shape before I trusted enough to believe in the promise of salvation.)
> 
> Also, when I hear that someone has died, the very first thing I think about is whether they went to Hell.
> 
> I think that part of my preoccupation with it is because of (1) my upbringing in a fire and brimstone church, (2) my attendance of Catholic school for 12 years -- which came with a heaping of guilt, and (3) my obsessive-compulsive disorder, which I had diagnosed in 1999 and focuses on religious obsessions.


 
My sweet sister,

If you are living your life the way God desires, a life of Holiness before Him, then you shouldn't be thinking anything about hell.  

Hell is a real place, but it was created for the devil and his angels, so we shouldn't occuply a place where the devil should be.

You are God's child...his sweet daughter and His desire is for you to be with Him for eternity...forever, to love you and be with you.

Oh, how the Father loves you!!!

Cast down imaginations and every high thing that will exalt itself against the knowledge of God (against everything that God has spoken to you in your quiet places...everything that He revealed to you and said to you) and bring every thought to the obedience of Jesus Christ (those are the thoughts that come from the enemy...to keep you in bondage to fear.

You are blessed....keep the love of God in your heart at all times.

Blessings.


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

crlsweetie912 said:


> I confess that I have been wanting to leave the ministry that I KNOW I have been destined to serve in. Everytime I do anything related to the ministry, I have been hit on everyside. I have been blatantly confronted by people in the ministry in an effort by the "enemy" to get me to quit.
> 
> I am so grateful that I know that this is just an attack to get me to focus on the bad and not the good. I just have to keep focused on what GOD has called me to do.
> 
> I also have been feeling for the past several weeks that God is about to do wonderful, marvelous things in my life. Everyday it's as if I feel so full of His love, grace and mercy. I don't want to get impatient and have my flesh rule over me and want things to be done in my time and not His appointed time. Great thread GG!


 
I am pm'ing you.


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## Mocha5 (Jul 30, 2007)

I confess that I am having a very hard time loving the women at my church...women who claim they are Christians but don't have a loving heart. These women are sooo on my nerves that i'm am about ready to stop going to our weekly women's meetings.

I confess that I haven't made Him a priority by rolling my lazy butt out of the bed at 6AM or earlier to study, pray, and just wait to hear from Him.

I confess that He has called me to preach but I am scared. I don't feel that I am ready or ever will be for that matter.  

I confess that He told me to go witness to a man in IHOP and I was disobedient because I was scared. 

Sometimes this road can be so lonely (crying now). I love Him with everything that I have but I don't know if I'll ever be worthy enough to receive His love, mercy and grace or even close to it.

Thanks for the thread, GG. I'm sure I needed to let all of this go or try to anyway.


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

Mocha5 said:


> I confess that I am having a very hard time loving the women at my church...women who claim they are Christians but don't have a loving hear. These women are sooo on my nerves that i'm am about ready to stop going to our weekly women's meetings.
> 
> I confess that I haven't made Him a priority by rolling my lazy butt out of the bed at 6AM or earlier to study, pray, and just wait to hear from Him.
> 
> ...


 
Girl....I know what you mean! 

When I was first called by God to preach, I ran so fast you could see the wind behind me.  He followed me.  Everywhere I went, He followed me until I surrendered to His will for me.

I am so happy I did and although sometimes I'm not sure what will happen in the future, I've learned to trust Him and rely completely upon Him.

Trust Him...He knows you love Him.  You don't have to be worthy...Jesus already died for you so that you can be with Him for eternity.  

JESUS LOVES YOU, GIRL!!!!

Let those tears be tears of healing.  Commit yourself wholly to Him...its all good!


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## crlsweetie912 (Jul 30, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:


> I am pm'ing you.


I want my pm!   Thanks NW!


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## donna20745 (Jul 30, 2007)

I confess that i am at a lost for my feelings for my male friend. We have know each other for 5 years now and started to date and talk about marriage but i am not sure if this is the man that GOD wants me to be with. 

How do i know?


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## empressaja (Jul 30, 2007)

I don't study as much as I should and I skip church because I'm tired. I have a vinditive spirit and alot of anger that I say I have given up and i have asked for healing and deliverance but still try to handle on my own and I am suffering because of it.


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## GlamourGirl (Jul 30, 2007)

I feel my relationship with the Lord needs some kind of spiritiual revival, awakening, or something. I don't know how to describe it but does anyone know what I"m talking about...? 

I know the Lord is trying to take our relationship to an even deeper level but I don't know how to get it there.

I haven't been reading my Bible like I should

I worry entirely too much.

Yeah and that whole husband thing


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

GlamourGirl said:


> I feel my relationship with the Lord needs some kind of spiritiual revival, awakening, or something. I don't know how to describe it but does anyone know what I"m talking about...?
> 
> I know the Lord is trying to take our relationship to an even deeper level but I don't know how to get it there.
> 
> ...


 
And there you go.......

We must know that in order to KNOW HIM, we must spend time with HIM!


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

GG...thank you for starting this thread.  I don't want to hijack it..that is so not my intentions.

Blessings to you!


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

crlsweetie912 said:


> I want my pm!  Thanks NW!


 
Sent, girl!!!

You are welcome!


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## GlamourGirl (Jul 30, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:


> And there you go.......
> 
> We must know that in order to KNOW HIM, we must spend time with HIM!


 
 Makes since Nice&Wavy! Does anyone know of some really great devotionals--I have a couple but I'm bored with them.


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

GlamourGirl said:


> Makes since Nice&Wavy! Does anyone know of some really great devotionals--I have a couple but I'm bored with them.


 
Here's an online one that's really good:


http://christianwomentoday.com/devotions/


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## GlamourGirl (Jul 30, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Here's an online one that's really good:
> 
> 
> http://christianwomentoday.com/devotions/


 

Thanks. I'm checking it out now and there's alot of great info on it! I really appreciate it.


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## Mocha5 (Jul 30, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Girl....I know what you mean!
> 
> When I was first called by God to preach, I ran so fast you could see the wind behind me.
> 
> ...


 
Yeah, I know I gotta get it together.  My girlfriend gave me a booklet called Doing it in Fear by Joyce Meyers.  So the next time I hear God's voice telling me to go...guess what????  I'M GOING!  If whoever it is thinks I'm nuts then oh well.  Looking a lil foolish is a small price to pay when you compare it to who He is, what He has done and what He continues to do.  As a matter of fact, if He says go then more than likely the person is ready to receive anyway.  I'm such a genuis.  Why didn't I think of that before now?  Oh yeah, cause I needed my sistas in Christ to lead me to it.   Thanks, girls!


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## Mocha5 (Jul 30, 2007)

Yep, I heard a tv evangelist say not too long ago that the amount of time we spend with God is the determining factor in how much power we will receive from Him.

a. Spending no time with him = No power

b. Spending a little time with Him = A little power

c. Spending a lot of time with him = A lot of power

Now you would think this would be common sense but sometimes I think we tend to make the things of God really complicated.  It's not.  And where He is concerned, we should be constantly checking our temperature.  Today, are you cold, lukewarm or on fire for the Lord?


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

Mocha5 said:


> Yeah, I know I gotta get it together. My girlfriend gave me a booklet called Doing it in Fear by Joyce Meyers. So the next time I hear God's voice telling me to go...guess what???? I'M GOING! If whoever it is thinks I'm nuts then oh well. Looking a lil foolish is a small price to pay when you compare it to who He is, what He has done and what He continues to do. As a matter of fact, if He says go then more than likely the person is ready to receive anyway. I'm such a genuis. Why didn't I think of that before now? Oh yeah, cause I needed my sistas in Christ to lead me to it.  Thanks, girls!


 

I love you girl....you are so open to hear His voice!

Bless you!


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

Mocha5 said:


> Yep, I heard a tv evangelist say not too long ago that the amount of time we spend with God is the determining factor in how much power we will receive from Him.
> 
> *a. Spending no time with him = No power*
> 
> ...


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 30, 2007)

GlamourGirl said:


> Thanks. I'm checking it out now and there's alot of great info on it! I really appreciate it.


 

You are welcome....bless you!


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## mrselle (Jul 30, 2007)

Glib Gurl said:


> - I have not been taking the time to read my Bible or pray.  Usually I mumble a few words to the Lord before falling asleep but overall I have not been spending time with Him or in His word.  I believe this is why I have been "slipping" and being more "of" the world than just being "in" it, as we are supposed to.
> 
> - Related to the above, I don't feel that I'm living up to my spiritual potential.  I really believe in my hear that the Lord has great things for me to do, but because I haven't been spending time with Him I am missing out on all that He desires for me.



I could have written that word for word about myself.  I went through a period in my life where I slept, ate, drank, dreamed, meditated…everything I did it was about God.  I was in school full-time, worked about 20 hours a week, studied, visited my family two hours away and I still made it to church two times a week, sometimes three and every Sunday morning.  I prayed constantly and I fasted.  Never before I had I received so much revelation.  Now that all the things and more that God showed me back then have come to pass I feel like I’m at a stand still.  I’m married with a stepdaughter and a baby who is almost one year old.  My time is limited, but I don’t make the time for God that I once did.  I know that a lot of the feelings of loneliness, restlessness and being overwhelmed would go away if I really, really prayed and read the Word, but I’m too…lazy.

A few years ago my friend/prayer partner and I got up every single morning at 6am and we prayed.  We did that for one whole year.  I haven’t sought after God like that on my own since then.  

I try to handle everything myself even though I know deep down inside that I can’t do anything without God.  I know deep in my heart that if I took the time to pray, read the Word and spend time with God I could get everything done that I need to get done.

I’m still carrying around a lot of hurt from past disappointments.  I don’t let myself get too close to people because I’ve been hurt time and time again.  

I’m not a good stepmother.  My excuse is that my stepdaughter has a lot of adult ways.  She can be just as manipulative and deceitful as an adult.  She and my mother-in-law have hurt me and I’ve allowed their past actions towards me change who I really am.  Deep down inside I am a nice person, a sweet person, a caring person.  I am a person who will do anything for anyone and not expect a thing in return.  I do what is right even when I know that the person I am doing it for is talking about me like a dog.  I do it with a smile on my face and in hopes that I am sewing a seed.  I have allowed past situations to give me a rough exterior.  I know that the manipulative and deceitful ways are spirits.  I know that I owe my stepdaughter so much more of me than what she gets.  I know that she needs my help, my prayers and my guidance.  But because I’ve been so hurt I’ve shut down.  Yes, she’s hurt me, but the true, true reason that I’ve shut down is because I know that one day she will say to me, “You’re not my mother.  I don’t have to listen to you” and that will break my heart.

I know that God has a great work for me to do, but I fear that I am so far gone that I’ve missed the opportunity to do what He would have me to do.


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## Mocha5 (Jul 30, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:


> Mocha5 said:
> 
> 
> > Yep, I heard a tv evangelist say not too long ago that the amount of time we spend with God is the determining factor in how much power we will receive from Him.
> ...


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## Mocha5 (Jul 30, 2007)

mrselle said:


> I could have written that word for word about myself. I went through a period in my life where I slept, ate, drank, dreamed, meditated…everything I did it was about God. I was in school full-time, worked about 20 hours a week, studied, visited my family two hours away and I still made it to church two times a week, sometimes three and every Sunday morning. I prayed constantly and I fasted. Never before I had I received so much revelation. Now that all the things and more that God showed me back then have come to pass I feel like I’m at a stand still. I’m married with a stepdaughter and a baby who is almost one year old. My time is limited, but I don’t make the time for God that I once did. I know that a lot of the feelings of loneliness, restlessness and being overwhelmed would go away if I really, really prayed and read the Word, but I’m too…lazy.
> 
> A few years ago my friend/prayer partner and I got up every single morning at 6am and we prayed. We did that for one whole year. I haven’t sought after God like that on my own since then.
> 
> ...


 
Sounds like you're running to me.  Very much like Jonah did.  And as you may recall Jonah was so serious about getting away from God that he jumped on the first boat smokin.'  And what did God do?  He shook up Jonah's world, literally (I think he may be doing the same to you).  So much so that they had to toss him overboard.  But even in his disobedience he won the souls of the crew so don't ever think that you have missed out on God's plans to use you.  

And because God knew that Jonah loved him and knew that Jonah understood the plans He had for Him (like you), God sent a fish to rescue him (And so He will rescue you in your situation be it your mother-in-law, stepdaughter, whomever or whatever).  Now I know those had to be 3 long, cold, lonely, and possibly fearful nights in the belly of that fish but Jonah realized how much God loved him.  I guess it is sometimes through the loneliness that He teaches us the most (Wow! That word was for me! ). Jonah went on to save Nineveh and so you shall save your own Nineveh too.  Get back in His wiill, make Him the priority and everything else will fall into place.


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## klb120475 (Jul 31, 2007)

I have a confession.

Remember ya'll Christians and no stoning me..


Sometimes, I avoid answering a thread in this forum if I don't feel I can give that person a "spirit lead answer". I'd rather flow from the Holy Spirit than allow my carnal man to respond to a thread. So, I just avoid posting all together. Then I feel bad because I know that person is in need of some "right now help".


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 31, 2007)

klb120475 said:


> I have a confession.
> 
> Remember ya'll Christians and no stoning me..
> 
> ...


 
So, where are the stones coming from?  

It's all good.....


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 31, 2007)

Mocha5 said:


> Nice & Wavy said:
> 
> 
> > Oh Oh! Heeey now! I feel all honored and good and stuff!  Give God the glory, right?! I love you too, Chica. Sending you a request to be my friend...lol...I'm all proud of the Christian women on my friend's list.
> ...


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## Glib Gurl (Jul 31, 2007)

klb120475 said:


> I have a confession.
> 
> Remember ya'll Christians and no stoning me..
> 
> ...


 
I actually think that's the spiritually mature thing to do.  So no stones coming from me!


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## klb120475 (Jul 31, 2007)

Nice & Wavy said:


> So, where are the stones coming from?
> 
> It's all good.....


 

Guess, I'm just use to those overly self righteous folks that are always ready to judge others.

Thanks Nice & Wavy...


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 31, 2007)

klb120475 said:


> Guess, I'm just use to those overly self righteous folks that are always ready to judge others.
> 
> Thanks Nice & Wavy...


 
You are welcome.....sweetie!


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## Bronzedmuse (Jul 31, 2007)

Wow, this thread is so time appropriate for me. I have been getting much closer to Yahweh (God the father) and Yahshua (God the Son) than I have ever been before. Since my relationship has gotten stronger with Yah, I have been consistantly attacked by Satan mainly in my body.


My left foot keep on swelling and the entire left leg would hurt. It hurts to walk. I went to the doctor, she examined the leg and took lots of blood tests and can't find anything wrong. I also recently when to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, I have never had a cavity now the dentist and hygenist tell me I have a cavity that needs to be filled. Thing is, I have never had a tooth ache in my life,after coming home from the dentist I started experiencing sharp pain in my teeth and not from the tooth that has a cavity but teeth that are cavity free.

What does all of this have to do about spiritual confessions?? I have been fasting,praying and returning words of healing written in the Scriptures to Yah for the complete healing of my leg and teeth. All of the swelling in my left foot is now gone but it still hurts. I don't have the pain in my teeth any more but the cavity is still there and i refuse to get it filled. While I was fasting yesterday,Yah told me I have to repent of a grudge I have been holding in my heart from my childhood against a former neighbour if i want complete healing. 

I have been holding on to this grudge for about 24 years and the person whom I have the grudge against is not at fault for what she did.


Here is the story:
I was a child about 8years old and my father was a drug addict. My
home became a drug house. My  neighbour's house became my sancturary from the madness that was going on in my own home. She was my only friend and I needed her and her friendship. Her mother found out what was going on at my house and stopped her from befriending me. I understood why she couldn't be my friend anymore but she even stopped saying Hi to me when I would say hello and would not even look my way when I was in the yard. This hurt me to my very soul. It still hurts very much even to this day. Just thinking about this makes me cry to this day. Pray for me to let this go.


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## Mocha5 (Jul 31, 2007)

Bronzedmuse said:


> Wow, this thread is so time appropriate for me. I have been getting much closer to Yahweh (God the father) and Yahshua (God the Son) than I have ever been before. Since my relationship has gotten stronger with Yah, I have been consistantly attacked by Satan mainly in my body.
> 
> 
> My left foot keep on swelling and the entire left leg would hurt. It hurts to walk. I went to the doctor, she examined the leg and took lots of blood tests and can't find anything wrong. I also recently when to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, I have never had a cavity now the dentist and hygenist tell me I have a cavity that needs to be filled. Thing is, I have never had a tooth ache in my life,after coming home from the dentist I started experiencing sharp pain in my teeth and not from the tooth that has a cavity but teeth that are cavity free.
> ...


 
I'm so sorry.  I pray that God heals your today.  Find her and tell her.  Tell her how it's affected you all this time because I'm sure she has no idea.  if you can't find her then use a proxy (a doll or something) and speak to it as if it was her.  Let it all out.  This will be your release.  God kept you throughout the difficulties you experienced growing up and He will keep you through this situation by healing you completely.

By the way, I'm real mad at the momma cause she shoulda known better!!!  They were your refuge.  While you at it forgive the momma too.


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## Monilove122 (Jul 31, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


> *I'm scared to fall back fully in love with the Lord again.... I LOVE the Lord, but due to disappointment over the years, I'm scared to let my guard down to the Lord and the things of the Lord. In recent months, I've gotten closer than where I was...but I'm still reluctant to fully open my heart back to Him again....*
> 
> ...and I have prayed so long for marriage and companionship...and I have been disappointed that this promise has still yet to manifest... and then the disappointment draws me away from Him...
> 
> ...it's a vicious cycle....


 
Y'all are making me cry at work, LOL.  I'm here having to pretend it's my allergies.  But this is me!  After losing my father SUDDENLY when I was 6 & 1/2 months pregnant with his first and only grandchild I was very angry with God.  My son just turned 2 so it's fresh and still hard.  What makes it harder is that my father wasn't sick, I had just spoken with him, just collapsed at work and 15 minutes later was dead.  My cousin came to tell me at work and it's just something I'll never forget.  I was really drawing nearer to God and letting alot of that anger go but then this past Father's Day was extremely hard.  I still have not been to his grave and it's just tough especially cause my son is so much like him, LOL. 

But, I feel you girl. 

Okay, I'm done crying


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## PaperClip (Jul 31, 2007)

Monilove122 said:


> Y'all are making me cry at work, LOL. I'm here having to pretend it's my allergies. But this is me! After losing my father SUDDENLY when I was 6 & 1/2 months pregnant with his first and only grandchild I was very angry with God. My son just turned 2 so it's fresh and still hard. What makes it harder is that my father wasn't sick, I had just spoken with him, just collapsed at work and 15 minutes later was dead. My cousin came to tell me at work and it's just something I'll never forget. I was really drawing nearer to God and letting alot of that anger go but then this past Father's Day was extremely hard. I still have not been to his grave and it's just tough especially cause my son is so much like him, LOL.
> 
> But, I feel you girl.
> 
> Okay, I'm done crying


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## Monilove122 (Jul 31, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


>


 
Thank you !!!!


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## Ms Red (Jul 31, 2007)

Oh boy-- you just described my situation except I wasn't pregnant and it's been almost 3 yrs since my dad died. Never sick...

My confession- I have not been spending time with God like I should. Today I am back to my daily devotions and reading the Word. This thread is right on time 

Also, I had an epiphany at work. I had been praying for my boyfriend, for his spiritual welfare for some time now. Then God spoke to my heart. I realized that God is doing HIS job with him. He is God. I'm trying to yet again control eveything that I have no business controlling. God is working that out and He made it known to me to stay out of it and 'pray from afar.' I burst into tears and relief came over me. 





Monilove122 said:


> Y'all are making me cry at work, LOL.  I'm here having to pretend it's my allergies.  But this is me!  After losing my father SUDDENLY when I was 6 & 1/2 months pregnant with his first and only grandchild I was very angry with God.  My son just turned 2 so it's fresh and still hard.  What makes it harder is that my father wasn't sick, I had just spoken with him, just collapsed at work and 15 minutes later was dead.  My cousin came to tell me at work and it's just something I'll never forget.  I was really drawing nearer to God and letting alot of that anger go but then this past Father's Day was extremely hard.  I still have not been to his grave and it's just tough especially cause my son is so much like him, LOL.
> 
> But, I feel you girl.
> 
> Okay, I'm done crying


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## Nice & Wavy (Jul 31, 2007)

You ladies have blessed me today...I used lots of tissue!


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## Bronzedmuse (Jul 31, 2007)

Mocha5 said:


> I'm so sorry.  I pray that God heals your today.  Find her and tell her.  Tell her how it's affected you all this time because I'm sure she has no idea.  if you can't find her then use a proxy (a doll or something) and speak to it as if it was her.  Let it all out.  This will be your release.  God kept you throughout the difficulties you experienced growing up and He will keep you through this situation by healing you completely.
> 
> By the way, I'm real mad at the momma cause she shoulda known better!!!  They were your refuge.  While you at it forgive the momma too.



She has since married and moved from the neighbourhood and her mother has died. I hope one day to see her again now that we are both adults. It would be very healing to let her know how her rejection has affected me all these years even if she were to laugh in my face.

Thank you for your prayer and proxy suggestion.

--Bronzedmuse


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## Shimmie (Jul 31, 2007)

RelaxerRehab said:


> I'm scared to fall back fully in love with the Lord again.... I LOVE the Lord, but due to disappointment over the years, I'm scared to let my guard down to the Lord and the things of the Lord. In recent months, I've gotten closer than where I was...but I'm still reluctant to fully open my heart back to Him again....
> 
> ...and I have prayed so long for marriage and companionship...and I have been disappointed that this promise has still yet to manifest... and then the disappointment draws me away from Him...
> 
> ...it's a vicious cycle....


  Hey little one...

He's not far from you... satan wants you to 'give up' on God.  

But God in all of His heart says of you to the enemy, "She's still my baby girl and I'm still willing and ready to give her the 'world' whether she believes me or not.  Whether she receives me or not; 

Whether she is discouraged or not...I wil never say no.  For she's still my baby girl and I love her more than enough to give her whatever she asks for in my name...   Her heart is not a game, therefore she will bear no shame to trust me again. 

:blowkiss:  For you "RR" which means, "*R*eady to *R*eceive"...Babygirl, don't be afraid; only believe.  (that's His word and His promise to you forever).  

And angel, it's not about the husband/marriage...it's satan who's out to steal your joy and to destroy the beautiful relationship that you have with God our Father.  satan is so jealous that he couldn't have you, so he's attacking what you chose over him...your love for God.  

Hmmmmmp!  the stupid fool.  God is still your God and nothing can or ever will change it.  No, not ever!

Your husband:  "He that will come SHALL come and will not tarry." 

Be not afraid, only believe...  (Jesus said it, not me....Jesus, so you know it's the truth... ).


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## chinadoll (Jul 31, 2007)

For those who feel scared about giving your heart to God, don't be because he owns your heart because he made you. I was like this 2 months ago and I promised to the Lord that i won't stray. I don't like to break promises, especially to the Lord, so i made that vow. It's all about self discipline. I don't worry about having a husband too much because it became an idol, so now I just pray for him and Let God take care of the rest. When i get discourage, I think about the times God made me happy. It's hard but when you think about how someone who unselfishly died for you, it changes your perspective about things.


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## Kenedie (Aug 1, 2007)

I confess that I have felt lost and far from God for a while now and I am a leader in the church counseling to people on things that I desparately want to believe myself.

I confess that I was deeply hurt by the ending of a relationship and while I continue to try to walk in forgiveness and not be judgemental, envious and bitter...it is a struggle. I realized last night that I am becoming cynical toward other Christians, fighting thoughts that we are all fake.

I confess that I want to quit all of my ministry duties eventhough I know it is apart of my purpose. I am tired of dealing and trying to help and feeling like I've failed.


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## Monilove122 (Aug 1, 2007)

cupcake said:


> Oh boy-- you just described my situation except I wasn't pregnant and it's been almost 3 yrs since my dad died. Never sick...
> 
> My confession- I have not been spending time with God like I should. Today I am back to my daily devotions and reading the Word. This thread is right on time
> 
> Also, I had an epiphany at work. I had been praying for my boyfriend, for his spiritual welfare for some time now. Then God spoke to my heart. I realized that God is doing HIS job with him. He is God. I'm trying to yet again control eveything that I have no business controlling. God is working that out and He made it known to me to stay out of it and 'pray from afar.' I burst into tears and relief came over me.


 
Wow someone that can relate to me!!! I hear people saying all the time God knows best and as a saved woman I know that but to go through this at a time in my life that was supposed to be happy made me angry. After I gave birth to my son I cried in the hospital because just 3 months earlier I was sharing with my Dad that I was having a boy and he was so excited I ended up naming my son after my Dad (he has 2 middle names) so for me my pregnancy and all of that was difficult. My Dad and I were VERY close and him and my Mom would've been married 35 years in 2 months almost to the day when he passed. He was a very integral part of not just the immediate family but the family as a whole. He was the baby boy but his younger AND older siblings looked to him to be the matriarch. So through all of this there was fear the family would fall apart. I mean I'm a praying woman but I didn't even know how to pray during this time. Didn't know what to say, between my anger, my Mom's anger, my own relationship falling apart because of what I was going through, got laid off from my job right after I returned from burying my father... Don't get me wrong, i still love the Lord, know He is the beginning and the end and the author of my life, but I just fell out of love because of the extreme circumstances. But that's real, that's why when folks go through these periods I don't beat them in the head to make them feel guilty because I know first hand that when LIFE happens and it comes at you like a whirlwind, it can knock you off your feet in such a way that it will be hard to recover. But... you still have to have God in your life and your heart even if you lose faith so that you can get it back


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## Ms Red (Aug 1, 2007)

Wow, so many similarities I see here.

A couple of times I found myself questioning God. Like, why would you take a 53 yr. old man of God, the head of a Christian household? Not a perfect man but one trying to live up to God's expectations of what a husband, father and son SHOULD be? The first father's day...my boyfriend consoled me the whole day-- I would not leave my apartment. What made matters worse is that my mom was 1200 miles away and going through her own set of issues with God that included losing her husband of 30 years.... 

But what I can say is it gets better. Not easier, just the pang in your heart that you feel when his birthday comes diminished a tiny bit. Instead of the rush of anger and feeling like this--> all the time, memories of the time I spent with him came back to me. But I can't lie to you and say that my heart is 100% healed because it's not. My will is to do God's will, period. But when I think about getting married, having children, life milestones that my dad will never see... He died when I was 24, I often feel like my life will never be the same. I would often ask my bf why God allowed me to have such a close relationship with my father, only to take him away from us? He did not grow up with a father figure and would tell me that I was blessed to have that time with my dad while he was alive. I changed jobs 3 times after his death, gained weight, started having panic attacks...financially supported my mother for the 2 years she was out of work with no income. My brothers are 40 and 41, they've gotten married, they've had children, my dad was there for it, the pictures and memories. . . But I just pray through the sad time.  I pray that my life can begin again and I'll eventually know happiness again.

ETA: I'm so glad your baby came through that pregnancy okay. He looks like a sweetie pie  Many women in your situation would have walked away from God but you eventually embraced Him again. You will truly be blessed for your faith.





Monilove122 said:


> Wow someone that can relate to me!!! I hear people saying all the time God knows best and as a saved woman I know that but to go through this at a time in my life that was supposed to be happy made me angry. After I gave birth to my son I cried in the hospital because just 3 months earlier I was sharing with my Dad that I was having a boy and he was so excited I ended up naming my son after my Dad (he has 2 middle names) so for me my pregnancy and all of that was difficult. My Dad and I were VERY close and him and my Mom would've been married 35 years in 2 months almost to the day when he passed. He was a very integral part of not just the immediate family but the family as a whole. He was the baby boy but his younger AND older siblings looked to him to be the matriarch. So through all of this there was fear the family would fall apart. I mean I'm a praying woman but I didn't even know how to pray during this time. Didn't know what to say, between my anger, my Mom's anger, my own relationship falling apart because of what I was going through, got laid off from my job right after I returned from burying my father... Don't get me wrong, i still love the Lord, know He is the beginning and the end and the author of my life, but I just fell out of love because of the extreme circumstances. But that's real, that's why when folks go through these periods I don't beat them in the head to make them feel guilty because I know first hand that when LIFE happens and it comes at you like a whirlwind, it can knock you off your feet in such a way that it will be hard to recover. But... you still have to have God in your life and your heart even if you lose faith so that you can get it back


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## Mocha5 (Aug 1, 2007)

Cupcake and Moni, I never had the relationship that the two of you had with my father.  I knew him but I was never his priority even though I was his only child.  I can count on one hand the things he did for in my life.  He didn't celebrate any milestones with me.  Started my cycle: no father.  Started liking boys: no father.  Started having premarital sex: no father.  Daddy Daughter dances: no father.  Graduated from high school, no father.  Graduated from college: no father.  Got married: no father.  Birthed 5 children: no father.  If he ran into my children on the street, he wouldn't know them.  I recently found out via internet that he had died.  His wife didn't even let me know.  I'll never know why he didn't love me or want me or even care about me.  But I thank God that the two of you had what I did not.  Celebrate your fathers' lives.  Try not to question why God took them but ask yourselves what you can do to keep them alive in your hearts.  I had to get to a point where I realized that God was my ultimate daddy and that as good as an eartly daddy can be, my Father in heaven can be sooo much more.  His arms are open wide.  He's waiting on both of you cause He loves you more than you love yourselves.  Faint not.


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## Monilove122 (Aug 1, 2007)

cupcake said:


> Wow, so many similarities I see here.
> 
> A couple of times I found myself questioning God. Like, why would you take a 53 yr. old man of God, the head of a Christian household? Not a perfect man but one trying to live up to God's expectations of what a husband, father and son SHOULD be? The first father's day...my boyfriend consoled me the whole day-- I would not leave my apartment. What made matters worse is that my mom was 1200 miles away and going through her own set of issues with God that included losing her husband of 30 years....
> 
> ...




Girl, we've gotta talk because I never met anyone who REALLY understood what I was going through.  All of those feelings you felt so did I!!!  I gained weight too, ate through my grief and didn't even realize I was doing it.  My dad was 58 and I was 31 - I often went to my Dad before my Mom, LOL.  When I found out I was having a boy the FIRST person who I called was my Dad who was so excited.  I didn't know this until his funeral but he talked about my baby ALL THE TIME, folks from his job knew my baby's name and everything so he was more excited than I thought he was about his first and only grandchild.  

It has gotten a bit easier, although I was a complete mess on this past Father's Day  I was able to look at a video my cousin put together of footage of him a year before and a couple months before he passed.  And like you my Mom lives far from me (about 600 miles) so we couldn't be together so I had to get through it.  My ex kept my son so I could be alone and I cried until I had no more tears but surprisingly felt better afterwards.  

The only time I have ever considered suicide was the day I found out my father died.  I can truly say God has a purpose for my life cause had I not been pregnant and aware that I needed to get myself together for my baby I don't know if I would be here today.  I always call my baby my miracle child because he saved my life.  I didn't cut up at the funeral (you know how we can be, ) cause I had to keep myself together for him.  Everyone kept telling me how proud they were of me but it was because God knew what he was doing that at 31 I was pregnant with my first and only child  Why no other time in my life... Because God knew that baby would be my reason for staying here and fulfilling His purpose for my life.  

Even now I don't "get into" worship as much as I did before but I'm getting there and I know in my heart of hearts that God does know best but it surely took me a minute to get there.  But, I will say that I'm learning more than ever to fake it till I make it because not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad whether it be through a song that comes on the radio, a bird flying by, etc. but God holds me together for my son, my Mom, other family and friends, and most importantly for His purpose.  A friend was going through some rough times going through a divorce and needed me the day of my Dad's birthday Feb. 12 and she knew I could identify with her.  I was so wrapped up in that that I didn't have time to cry and I was alright.  My Dad was always Daddy to many other people because he was so much fun, caring, kind, and giving and they were having a harder time than I was.  

The good thing is that my Mom comes where I am more often since my Dad passed and I thank God that she was the type of women that had a very active life before he passed and she wasn't one that didn't know about the finances, etc.  She misses him of course but she can carry on.  That's why I'm so adamant about women having their own life and identity because you don't know what the next day holds and if you are so tied up in your husband that you can't breath without him you will be SO pitiful if he leaves this world the way our Dad's did.  My friend lost her Dad this year and her Mom didn't even know how to pay the bills so I'm glad she was there for her.  But, I have SO much to be thankful for and through remembering my Dad, laughing at his sillyness or funny jokes he would tell (they were really corny), it makes me smile.  I dream VIVID dreams all the time and I dream about him often holding my son and laughing and talking so I know he's okay.


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## Monilove122 (Aug 1, 2007)

Mocha5 said:


> Cupcake and Moni, I never had the relationship that the two of you had with my father. I knew him but I was never his priority even though I was his only child. I can count on one hand the things he did for in my life. He didn't celebrate any milestones with me. Started my cycle: no father. Started liking boys: no father. Started having premarital sex: no father. Daddy Daughter dances: no father. Graduated from high school, no father. Graduated from college: no father. Got married: no father. Birthed 5 children: no father. If he ran into my children on the street, he wouldn't know them. I recently found out via internet that he had died. His wife didn't even let me know. I'll never know why he didn't love me or want me or even care about me. But I thank God that the two of you had what I did not. Celebrate your fathers' lives. Try not to question why God took them but ask yourselves what you can do to keep them alive in your hearts. I had to get to a point where I realized that God was my ultimate daddy and that as good as an eartly daddy can be, my Father in heaven can be sooo much more. His arms are open wide. He's waiting on both of you cause He loves you more than you love yourselves. Faint not.


 

You know it's so funny (ironic not Ha, Ha) you say this because I was so close with my Dad that I didn't realize every daughter wasn't like that with her father until I got older.  My Dad taught me EARLY that you are a queen men should respect you, games men play, and by just being him what a GOOD man is.  So you are right I'm so thankful and I thank God for just the little bit of time I had with him because I realize everyone is not like that.  And although I haven't FULLY gotten to the point where I can say God is like a Daddy to me (I mean he's my heavenly father but y'all know what I mean, in the earthly sense) I'm getting there 

Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am (won't say was cause he lives on in my heart.)

Okay once again I've done enough crying at work, LOL.  I'm going home y'all!!!!

Be Blessed and may Heaven Smile Upon You!!!!!


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