# Help me out single ladies...



## NinasLongAmbition (Oct 7, 2008)

I wanted to ask the ladies who are currently waiting on God to bring them a mate how do you go about it? I'm 20 years old and never had a boyfriend I really want a Christian boyfriend being that Im christian and that is very important to me. Anyway what I'm trying to ask is do you ladies constantly pray about God sending you a man, like every night, or you pray once and leave it alone because "God knows the desires of heart"? My best friend tells me I worry about it to much and to just leave it alone, she says God heard me a million times stop buggin him. Im starting to believe her because it seems as if I've been praying for a boyfriend for years and nothing, yeah there have been guys that like me but and they were all not my type and one guy I did like was wordly and it didnt work out to anything serious , I thank God for that now.Sometimes Im like dang Im 20 and never had a boyfriend thats embarrassing, and when my family and friends ask it gets me even more worried and sad. There always like " you're cute ,what's wrong"?erplexed.I am picky I am not even going to lie, but why shouldnt I be.  Im sorry my thoughts are scattered right now, but I really would like for God to send me a boyfriend soon, but I have heard of ladies waiting yearsss. Honestly I think there is going to be a limit for me where I'm going to be like "God let me help you out". I hope this post makes sense..


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## Duchesse (Oct 7, 2008)

Listen girl, I was 22 before I ever had a boyfriend, so 20 is nothing! And you _should _be picky. The only advice I can say to you is to use this time to focus on yourself and God, it sounds cliche and boring, but I believe it to be true.

I was raised Christian but strayed for many years- teen to early adulthood- and recently came back..coming back..to the faith you can say. The funny thing is that after a string of failed relationships and _relations_ and other circumstances of life is what pushed me back to God and to seek Him again. I realize now that all of my relationship woes were because I did the mate choosing and relied on my loins, lust, and impatience, instead of really listening to who and what God wanted for me.

I'm not gonna lie and say that there aren't times when I feel like just hitting up the club or spending/wasting time with someone who I know isn't deemed for me, I'm 26 and I can feel the clock a ticking away. But you have to keep the faith and pray about it....then leave it be, and try to listen and be aware of who he sends into your life.


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## letitgrow0702 (Oct 8, 2008)

I just recently got married so trust me I feel your pain. While I was praying for a husband I continuously asked and prayed to God for him. By faith, I also began to pray over my husband. For example praying for God's blessing, protection, and also his walk with God. I know it sounds like a cliche but he will come when you least expect it. The one time that I didn't go out with the mindset of "I wonder if I am going to meet him today" that was the exact day God sent him to me.

Let me ask you this. Do you know that you are called to be married? We are not all going to be married. I know this is hard to digest, but it is a reality. If you have not asked God this question, start by asking him this.     

Another thing, is you are still very young. Do you want boyfriends or do you want a husband? Yes it will be nice to get out there and test the waters, but what God has for you is for you. Do not be distracted because God will sometimes send a counterfeit before the real thing. 

Just stay encouraged.


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## Bunny77 (Oct 8, 2008)

letitgrow0702 said:


> Let me ask you this. Do you know that you are called to be married? We are not all going to be married. I know this is hard to digest, but it is a reality. If you have not asked God this question, start by asking him this.




I say this in love, but I have to vehemently disagree with this. There is no such thing in the Bible as a calling to be married. That is God's will for pretty much all of His people and a person does not have to pray and ask if it is God's will. He already determined that for us, and the answer is yes.

This idea seems to be prevalent in Black Christian communities and I think it's a very detrimental and discouraging doctrine that's being spread.

I also disagree with the idea of God sending counterfeits. God doesn't do that. That might be the enemy sending a counterfeit our way and making us think that it's from God, but God is NOT going to send you a counterfeit... He's looking out for us! 

As for the cliche... well, I kept "not looking," and staying single... it was only when I became proactive (after reading the books that I mentioned below) in telling people that I desired to be married and wished to find a husband that I started to see things happen. I think that different things happen at different times for people and that not everyone is going to have it happen when "they least expect it." Cliches can be dangerous and can set up false expectations... I'm 30, and when you are hearing all of the same cliches and messages for YEARS and nothing is changing, then you know, maybe there's some wisdom in seeking a different option.

In the Bible, many times families and friends introduced people to each other and looked for husbands for young women. What's wrong with that now? I don't like the idea of God being put in a Cupid-like role and a person has to simply wait until his arrow hits some other person and then it's all good.

Again, I'm just saying that what worked for one doesn't work for someone else, and I don't want the OP to feel stuck and just be told that there's nothing that she can do. 


To the OP, check out this website... www.helpgetmarried.com

Also, two Christian books that I highly recommend are "Get Married," by Candice Watters (her website is above) and "Getting Serious About Getting Married," by Debbie Maken. Both are very much opposed to the "wait on God to send you a husband," approach and think it's done more damage to singles than help.


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## Bunny77 (Oct 8, 2008)

Here's a post from Candice's website....

Not As Bad As It Sounds
Posted by Candice Watters on June 13th, 2008 at 7:29am 
2 Comments (Add a Comment)   



 hanks to "la vie en vogue's" blog post "Popular Mechanics for Lovers," that had this to say about Get Married:


... we recently wrapped up our latest book in my small group with Mal, Bri and Cathy. We read Get Married by Candice Watters which isn’t nearly as bad as the title makes it out to be. In fact, I fell in love with the book because she talks about that marriage is a gift God WANTS to give us (among other things: it models for us the relationship between Christ and the church and also teaches us crucial virtues like selflessness and putting others before ourselves). And so because [it's something] God wants to give us, we should be bold to ask Him for it: 
Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. . . . If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer” (Matthew 7:7–8, Matthew 21:22).

And: “You do not have, because you do not ask God.” (James 4:2)

She talks about not being ashamed of this (although of course with the caveat that to truly reap this gift you should aspire to marry not just anyone but the RIGHT person, which she then details, based on Biblical standards). It was a refreshing and encouraging look at something that people never really talk about. Which is why we are talking about it now. Along with a few other friends, we’ve started a prayer group called “Women Praying Boldly” which is something she suggests in the book, where you just make it a point to be praying for each other as we navigate these waters in our life. (Of course, life is more than just getting married, but that’s one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make so why WOULDN’T it be something that you’d invest a lot of time in and prayer and preparation for? Seriously. It’s a good thing.)

It's still a surprise when I hear the title, "Get Married," is off-putting, even offensive. I appreciate this group's willingness to press through and read it anyway. I'm so glad that this reviewer found the message a source of encouragement and hope. That, after all, was my aim and remains my prayer.


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## Britt (Oct 8, 2008)

Duchesse said:


> Listen girl, I was 22 before I ever had a boyfriend, so 20 is nothing! And you _should _be picky. The only advice I can say to you is to use this time to focus on yourself and God, it sounds cliche and boring, but I believe it to be true.
> 
> I was raised Christian but strayed for many years- teen to early adulthood- and recently came back..coming back..to the faith you can say. The funny thing is that after a string of failed relationships and _relations_ and other circumstances of life is what pushed me back to God and to seek Him again. I realize now that all of my relationship woes were because I did the mate choosing and relied on my loins, lust, and impatience, instead of really listening to who and what God wanted for me.
> 
> I'm not gonna lie and say that there aren't times when I feel like just hitting up the club or spending/wasting time with someone who I know isn't deemed for me, I'm 26 and I can feel the clock a ticking away. But you have to keep the faith and pray about it....then leave it be, and try to listen and be aware of who he sends into your life.


 
_Wow, you just pretty much described me to a teee..._
_I'm 26 and just recently gave my life to Christ. I now wonder about dating... I have so many questions up in the air. I just pray that God brings the right person to me in the right time._


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## Duchesse (Oct 8, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> I say this in love, but I have to vehemently disagree with this. There is no such thing in the Bible as a calling to be married. That is God's will for pretty much all of His people and a person does not have to pray and ask if it is God's will. He already determined that for us, and the answer is yes.
> 
> *This idea seems to be prevalent in Black Christian communities and I think it's a very detrimental and discouraging doctrine that's being spread.*
> 
> ...


 
I really like your reply Bunny. It is easy to get in and stay in the "not looking" and waiting period.  I know that personally I will stay in the not looking phase for a while because I'm really not ready for marriage yet, as much as I say I want it.( hmmm...maybe thats why I'm not meeting anyone of substance..God knows I need more work to do).

But like you said, it's good to be proactive in the world and make it known to like minded folks when you are truly ready to make that commitment.


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## kayte (Oct 9, 2008)

> While I was praying for a husband I continuously asked and prayed to God for him. By faith, I also began to pray over my husband. For example praying for God's blessing, protection, and also his walk with God. I know it sounds like a cliche but he will come when you least expect it. The one time that I didn't go out with the mindset of "I wonder if I am going to meet him today" that was the exact day God sent him to me.




There's an old  saying in discerning wisdom..and there's a lot of wisdom in the post quoted/noted  here 
_Take what you like ..and leave the rest_
The very first post above..I would take! It has sweet wisdom.

However with the second....



> Let me ask you this. *Do you know that you are called to be married? **We are not all going to be married*. I know this is hard to digest, *but it is a reality.* If you have not asked God this question, start by asking him this.




Who has this "reality?" A Nun!!!... that's who! but not OP.
With all due respect OP did not mention marriage..her focus is on a path of exploring Godly partnership with a Christian boyfriend... she is _barely _out of her teens ..and even if she did.... I still question this response...but respectfully this was not her agenda..or even her question.. she asked _how _do you pray for a boyfriend not ..IF....she should pray for a boyfriend....

_she was not polling LHCF opinion 
to question being entitled to one.._

Could I really offer to someone else 
so very young...who has never even had a boyfriend..that marriage was for me  
but entertain the idea...that it might not be...for you....
confusing 
_So second paragraph???_.Well intentioned...but..I'd leave it....



> I just recently got married so trust me I feel your pain.



The poster above and,you OP, are in very very different places ..the pain spoken of here.. although very admirable and blessed of her to share this..however,
is of a seasoned Christian woman,mature,and a mother.... if the siggy indicates
....recently married or remarried...  which is wonderful to share
but is not realistically comparable to your beginning quest in the world of dating...which, I'm guessing is why you,OP asked for advice from the single sisters.


> Another thing, is you are still very young. Do you want boyfriends or do you want a husband? Yes it will be nice to *get out there and test the waters,* but what God has for you is for you. Do not be distracted because God will sometimes send a counterfeit before the real thing.
> Just stay encouraged.


A lot of wisdom here too, A little perspective?
Christian boyfriends are one of of  a variety God-blessed avenues in 
Christian courtship in what leads many of us to have our Christian husbands....
_get out and test the waters_.... I intrepret that as  D-A-T-I-N--G 
and I would susbtitiute  the word "and" instead of "but" 
and what God has for you is what (the beautiful blessed man) God has for you
This is excellent advice...

Counterfeit?
The bible says What father gives his child a scorpion instead of a fish..
be assured,OP what God has for you is not a scorpion 

so.....Fear not little flock it is your Father's great pleasure to give to you
the Kingdom

Shimmie...one of the sweetest sisters, has an incredible blessing
though it's for marriage and at your age I reccomend and support the focus on dating 
you can still read it and be inspired....I'll find it and post it here 
(((hugs)))))


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## Poohbear (Oct 9, 2008)

NinasLongAmbition said:


> I wanted to ask the ladies who are currently waiting on God to bring them a mate how do you go about it? I'm 20 years old and never had a boyfriend I really want a Christian boyfriend being that Im christian and that is very important to me. Anyway what I'm trying to ask is do you ladies constantly pray about God sending you a man, like every night, or you pray once and leave it alone because "God knows the desires of heart"? My best friend tells me I worry about it to much and to just leave it alone, she says God heard me a million times stop buggin him. Im starting to believe her because it seems as if I've been praying for a boyfriend for years and nothing, yeah there have been guys that like me but and they were all not my type and one guy I did like was wordly and it didnt work out to anything serious , I thank God for that now.Sometimes Im like dang Im 20 and never had a boyfriend thats embarrassing, and when my family and friends ask it gets me even more worried and sad. There always like " you're cute ,what's wrong"?erplexed.I am picky I am not even going to lie, but why shouldnt I be.  Im sorry my thoughts are scattered right now, but I really would like for God to send me a boyfriend soon, but I have heard of ladies waiting yearsss. Honestly I think there is going to be a limit for me where I'm going to be like "God let me help you out". I hope this post makes sense..



Don't EVER feel embarrassed for never having a boyfriend. I'm 24 and kinda wish I never had a boyfriend in my entire life. But you know what? I haven't had many boyfriends in my life, only 3. There have been just a few guys I've dated, and to be honest, I really do not like the dating scene mainly because I always see dating differently than how most people see it.  I see dating as a way to get to know the other person and spend time with that person. Most men that I have ran into see it as a way to get more notches on their belt. While you do get to meet different guys, I really feel like it was a waste of time when I could have been focused on other things more important in life. I already know what I want for me when it comes to a man, and I would date and have boyfriends that were not for me. So now I am waiting on God to make the move, and that does not mean I'm just sitting around not looking for a man... There are still men (both attractive and unattractive) that approach me and may show interest in me or want to be with me, but I have this spirit of discernment when it comes to whether or not they are the one for me. And lately, I have been rejecting men left and right and it actually feels good.

To answer your question, I am currently praying for the right man to come into my life, not just any man, not just a boyfriend, but a man of God and a man that has the potential to become my husband one day. I want a life-long relationship, not just any type of relationship. I don't pray for it every single night, but occassionally each week. I try not to think too much about it because if you consume your mind with not having a man, you will end of depressed and worried which is what Satan wants you to do.  Keep yourself occupied with the things you enjoy and like to do. Surround yourself with loving family and true friends.  And if you are in college right now, stay focused on your studies and your career aspirations. And when you do pray for a man, make sure you say "if it be Your will".  Everything happens only if God wills it for your life.  God's answer is either yes, no, or maybe. I'm not sure if God is going to bless me with a husband or not, but I am going to have to be content with either being single for the rest of my life, or having a husband in the future. I do not know yet. I just have to keep the faith, but at the same time, stay content with my current situation and with whatever God does for my life.  Having a man isn't always a positive thing, especially if this man does not treat you right or more importantly if you put this man before Christ. 

And when men do start to approach you, make sure you define exactly what you want. For example, a man may tell you they want a relationship or they want to be with you... those two things can be very subjective.  You must ask them "what type of relationship" or "in what way do you want to be with me?"  Relationship can mean either friendship, sexual/physical, lead-to-marriage, etc.  So make sure you are careful when it comes to that as well. It will eliminate a lot of confusion. And whatever you do, never settle for less. 

Hope that helps. Stay prayerful, strong, and content.


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## Bunny77 (Oct 9, 2008)

kayte said:


> Could I really offer to someone else
> so very young...who has never even had a boyfriend..that marriage was for me
> but entertain the idea...that it might not be...for you....
> confusing
> _So second paragraph???_.Well intentioned...but..I'd leave it....



Yes, I do find it disappointing when a married man or woman then turns around and tells someone who is desirous of a Christian relationship that "it may not be for them." I know that there are men in the pulpit who are telling single women the same thing... sometimes as bluntly as "Just give it up, cause all of you aren't going to get married."

Really now? Seriously? 


Okay, let me stop. I know this is the Christian forum.     This part just gets my blood boiling, truly, because I want to see Christian women happy AND partnered! I don't think it's ANY human's role to question another's desire for companionship and marriage. 

With love.


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## vero (Oct 9, 2008)

I like your replies and i'll look at that website.  I must say I have given up of finding a mate.... I dont know what to think I am now so old... I feel so ashamed that I found no one to marry or they didnt find me!  yeah theres been some guys but they were not saved and werent right - but I feel now I shoulda taken one of them - cos with all the prayers that were offered up - god never answered my prayer.  I must say I am really disapointed with God.  I dont know why and how - other people meet their soul mate.  It is just devasting the whole situation and I wanted kids... not gonna get them now.  Today I feel so sick I am sure its 'hot flushes' you get when your this age.  Sorry to depress you all.  I just thought I give you all my 5 cents worth!


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## kayte (Oct 9, 2008)

> _I know this is the Christian forum. _ This part just gets my blood boiling, truly, because I want to see Christian women happy AND partnered! I don't think it's ANY human's role to question another's desire for companionship and marriage.
> 
> With love.


ITA...

Christian Forum,though ..does not ..(as far as I know)...relinquish the right to speak up...the bible says speak the truth in love..Jeusus did
and I ,too send love out to the poster..



> I like your replies and i'll look at that website. I must say I have given up of finding a mate.... I dont know what to think I am now so old... I feel so ashamed that I found no one to marry or they didnt find me! yeah theres been some guys but they were not saved and werent right - but I feel now I shoulda taken one of them - cos with all the prayers that were offered up - god never answered my prayer. I must say I am really disapointed with God. I dont know why and how - other people meet their soul mate. It is just devasting the whole situation and I wanted kids... not gonna get them now. Today I feel so sick I am sure its 'hot flushes' you get when your this age. Sorry to depress you all. I just thought I give you all my 5 cents worth



I bumped up ..Shimmie's prayer on marriage....I am older and single too!!!
We can be strong women together  gonna check out the website...


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## Highly Favored8 (Oct 9, 2008)

Bunny77 said:


> I say this in love, *but I have to vehemently disagree with this. There is no such thing in the Bible as a calling to be married. That is God's will for pretty much all of His people and a person does not have to pray and ask if it is God's will. He already determined that for us, and the answer is yes.*
> 
> This idea seems to be prevalent in Black Christian communities and I think it's a very detrimental and discouraging doctrine that's being spread.
> 
> ...


 

I agree with the bolded and the post overall.


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## gorgeoushair (Oct 10, 2008)

I would like to recommend some books "Single, Married, Separated, and Life After Divorce"
"The Purpose and Power Of Love & Marriage"  "Waiting and Dating"

These are all by Myles Munroe.  HTH


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## aribell (Oct 19, 2008)

vero said:


> I like your replies and i'll look at that website.  I must say I have given up of finding a mate.... I dont know what to think I am now so old... I feel so ashamed that I found no one to marry or they didnt find me!  yeah theres been some guys but they were not saved and werent right - but I feel now I shoulda taken one of them - cos with all the prayers that were offered up - god never answered my prayer.  I must say I am really disapointed with God.  I dont know why and how - other people meet their soul mate.  It is just devasting the whole situation and I wanted kids... not gonna get them now.  Today I feel so sick I am sure its 'hot flushes' you get when your this age.  Sorry to depress you all.  I just thought I give you all my 5 cents worth!



Vero, I'm so sorry to hear of your pain.  I don't think I have much else to add, other than that no matter how disappointed we are with the Lord, the only place to take those feelings are back to Him.  He knows exactly where you are.


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## Aggie (Oct 19, 2008)

gorgeoushair said:


> I would like to recommend some books "Single, Married, Separated, and Life After Divorce"
> "The Purpose and Power Of Love & Marriage" "Waiting and Dating"
> 
> *These are all by Myles Munroe.* HTH


 
Oh I went to his church a few times right here in the Bahamas. I think I'll look up those books. I have his kingdom book and his book on praise and worship. Good stuff!


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## Aggie (Oct 19, 2008)

nicola.kirwan said:


> Vero, I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. I don't think I have much else to add, other than that no matter how disappointed we are with the Lord, the only place to take those feelings are back to Him. He knows exactly where you are.


 
Agreed nicola. 

*And vero*, with all things give thanks no matter how hard it gets to do so. God still has His best in store for you and all of us in spite of the disappointments. He still has your back and He has not forgotten you. Get your heart right with Him again, tell Him you're sorry for allowing the disappointments to settle there, and watch Him work things out for your good just as He promised.


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## amara11 (Oct 19, 2008)

I'm enjoying this conversation. Thanks for sharing OP


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## Paradox (Oct 20, 2008)

yep, I'm 19 and never had a boyfriend. God knows I want a Christian hubsband, so I  haven't prayer about it. I'm just waiting on his will.


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## Aggie (Oct 20, 2008)

To all those who have not yet prayed about God sending a mate or anything esle in their lives, this I leave with you:

Philippians 4:6 declares that we are to "Be careful (anxious) for nothing: *but in everything* by *prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."* This involves using our mouths to ask Him for what we want.

I find that too many of us keep our mouths shut when we want something from God because oh I don't know, we may feel that He knows our hearts desires (and He does) and that there really is no need for us to ask Him, but He clearly states in His word that we are supposed to ask Him, but he requires that we speak those requests and petitions out to Him. 

He has given dominion over the affairs of this earth to man whom He made and in order for Him to intervene He has obligated Himself to hear the words of man through prayer, to act in this earth. Talk about free- will. We are stewards, ambassadors if you will, over the affairs of the earth and we are God's voice in the earth. That is why prayer is so important. Remember even salvation comes through believing and faith-filled *'WORDS'* from our mouths through confession of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

The bible declares that God made and formed us and the world with His *WORDS,* not just His thoughts and heart desires.  Come on people, let us not be enslaved by the legalisms of this world and do as God asked us to do and don't be afraid to do it either for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind.

*Be silent no more ladies. Set your requests before the Lord and give Him something to act on.* He waits so patiently and longs for us to come to Him in prayer with our petitions, our hearts desires and thoughts with a thankful heart. Go on, talk to Him.


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## PinkPebbles (Oct 20, 2008)

Poohbear said:


> *And when men do start to approach you, make sure you define exactly what you want. For example, a man may tell you they want a relationship or they want to be with you... those two things can be very subjective. You must ask them "what type of relationship" or "in what way do you want to be with me?" Relationship can mean either friendship, sexual/physical, lead-to-marriage, etc. So make sure you are careful when it comes to that as well. It will eliminate a lot of confusion. And whatever you do, never settle for less. *
> 
> Hope that helps. Stay prayerful, strong, and content.


 
A BIG Co-sign!!!! 

OP I'm not sure if you are in college but I'd suggest you get involved in different types of organizations/clubs at your school that interest you. You'd be surprise how many good people that you'll meet!

If you're not in school check out what type of community services or hobby activities that are going on in your city and get involved! These early twenties can be the best and memorable years of your life...Enjoy!


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## Bunny77 (Oct 20, 2008)

Aggie, that was beautiful. Thank you.


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## envybeauty (Oct 20, 2008)

I *firmly* believe that a desire is not placed in your heart only for it to a mistake.  If you desire to get married, then God will give you the desires of your heart.  People desire different things and that is what makes us different.  Those who have no desire to get married, don't.  

Of course, you have to take steps towards your desire.  A person can desire to go to Harvard everyday and pray about it for years but if you don't apply, you don't get it no matter the desire. 

That said, look at your *behavior* and does your lifestyle match the desires of your heart?  Are you in places where you can meet Christian men?  Do you interact with them for them to get to know you?  Sitting in church just a hopin' and a prayin' that the brotha two pews in front of you will speak is not enough.


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## Paradox (Oct 20, 2008)

To be honest, I feel that my situation is hopeless, and only God can  help.
Any attempts I've made, all failed.One attempt traumatized me for life,I still feel humilated thinking about it. This could be a sign just to back up,and let God take control.


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## Aggie (Oct 20, 2008)

Oneya said:


> To be honest, I feel that my situation is hopeless, and only God can help.
> Any attempts I've made, all failed.*One attempt traumatized me for life,*I still feel humilated thinking about it. This could be a sign just to back up,and let God take control.


 
I feel your pain Oneya, and you are doing the right thing by allowing God full hold of the reins of your life. He still expects you to talk to Him though, even about the hidden fears that lie in your heart. Do not allow fear to grip that wonderful and beautiful heart of yours, and about the bolded above, don't give satan that kind of power over you. We *should* let God take charge. 

Sometimes when we go out there on our own trying to do things on our own strength and leaning on our own understanding, this is called pride, and God will not have it. Pride comes before a fall, but a humble heart He lifts up. So letting Him take control is indeed the right thing to do, so do it prayerfully, thanking Him all the while as His perfect plans for your life unveils.

I will be praying for your renewed stregnth honey. His blessings always.


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## Paradox (Oct 21, 2008)

Aggie said:


> I feel your pain Oneya, and you are doing the right thing by allowing God full hold of the reins of your life. He still expects you to talk to Him though, even about the hidden fears that lie in your heart. Do not allow fear to grip that wonderful and beautiful heart of yours, and about the bolded above, don't give satan that kind of power over you. We *should* let God take charge.
> 
> Sometimes when we go out there on our own trying to do things on our own strength and leaning on our own understanding, this is called pride, and God will not have it. Pride comes before a fall, but a humble heart He lifts up. So letting Him take control is indeed the right thing to do, so do it prayerfully, thanking Him all the while as His perect plans for life unveils.
> 
> I will be praying for your renewed stregnth honey. His blessings always.


 You are right,but I am not talking about praying, I still pray.
When people say to put yourself out there for christian guys...and I did and got burnt. HORRIBLY....twice. I am the type of person that doesn't even believe in flirting, or being "charming", for a while I didn't want to wear makeup because I thought it was deceiving, I wanted to wait until after the relationship to get all dolled up. So for me to step outside my boundaries, just by showing a tinge of interest...and fail was humiliating. I refuse to put myself through that.
That is why I just want to let God take charge. I will just sit in that pew, and that is it. No more "making myself available".
God knows and that is it.


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## Highly Favored8 (Oct 21, 2008)

Aggie said:


> To all those who have not yet prayed about God sending a mate or anything esle in their lives, this I leave with you:
> 
> Philippians 4:6 declares that we are to "Be careful (anxious) for nothing: *but in everything* by *prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."* This involves using our mouths to ask Him for what we want.
> 
> ...


 


envybeauty said:


> I *firmly* believe that a desire is not placed in your heart only for it to a mistake. If you desire to get married, then God will give you the desires of your heart. People desire different things and that is what makes us different. Those who have no desire to get married, don't.
> 
> Of course, you have to take steps towards your desire. A person can desire to go to Harvard everyday and pray about it for years but if you don't apply, you don't get it no matter the desire.
> 
> That said, look at your *behavior* and does your lifestyle match the desires of your heart? Are you in places where you can meet Christian men? Do you interact with them for them to get to know you? Sitting in church just a hopin' and a prayin' that the brotha two pews in front of you will speak is not enough.


 


Aggie said:


> I feel your pain Oneya, and you are doing the right thing by allowing God full hold of the reins of your life. He still expects you to talk to Him though, even about the hidden fears that lie in your heart. Do not allow fear to grip that wonderful and beautiful heart of yours, and about the bolded above, don't give satan that kind of power over you. We *should* let God take charge.
> 
> Sometimes when we go out there on our own trying to do things on our own strength and leaning on our own understanding, this is called pride, and God will not have it. Pride comes before a fall, but a humble heart He lifts up. So letting Him take control is indeed the right thing to do, so do it prayerfully, thanking Him all the while as His perfect plans for your life unveils.
> 
> I will be praying for your renewed stregnth honey. His blessings always.


 


Ladies I can hang my hat right there  So much knowledge and wisdom!


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## kayte (Oct 21, 2008)

> To be honest, I feel that my situation is *hopeless,* and only God can help.
> Any attempts I've made, all failed.*One attempt traumatized me for life,I still feel humilated thinking about it.* This could be a sign just to back up,and let God take control.



Lovely girl, you are_ nineteen years old _..and while age certainly is no criterion...you can feel utterly hopeless at nine years old....At the beginning of your adult life..(and at 19 barely)but at the beginning  is especially the time to look forward....Lovely, you have your entire life to have at least ten Godly boyfriends before God blesses with a Christian husband
but you *must* look ahead.....and you *MUST* call those things that are not as though they are..

This is a variation what my mother a seasoned Christian tells me to do... write down one dream on pretty stationery...along with 1 Corinthians13  or with any verse from Song of Solomon...and put it under your pillow ....and  also write out Phillipians or say it ..._Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize _ *or the short version[/B...lol...don't dwell where it aint swell..and then give this to the Lord...let it go...that means do your best not to worry but rather  trusting in HIM 

Redefine Proactive
you're reluctant to take action because you think stepping outside of your comfort zone means a radical change and so of course jarring to your soul
it would to be mine! and I am so much older...so....skip the red bolded..it's not you...for today...of course trying to be someone you are not is only going to make you feel more self concious ..and estranged from your Self...and then even more so from men you are interested in..no wonder ..that felt ..odd and unhappy ..who can be happy unless they are themselves  but you are thinking that courting and dating has to look like someone else's  path of courting and dating...and since that doesn't fit you... then your only action is to wait

..NOT TRUE!! you get to make the rules...get excited ..taking initiative does not mean FLIRTING..Maybe at 25....you may or may not..but ignore that..for now...and please don't worry about being charming...
you already are!...you just think it looks different for example your sincerity in your posts is endearing; ergo..charming...of course a good kind Christ loving boy will notice this 

Stay in your pew    but ..you are willing to risk,tho..you are on the forum aren't you? you posted didn't you? you are trying to grow  or better care for your hair aren't you? that takes risk. so risk in a way ..that is a gentle step at a time..and that makes you feel more like you
(more confident open,and happy,centered).. instead of estranged(sad lonely..confused) you can always ask..yourself in any given moment
is this me? Join youth-oriented groups,of activities,classes,hobbies you like...
go to Christian endorsed social groups

Lastly 
Forgive the humiliation ..forgive your self,forgive the person
just say to yourself.... I was learning then~...I can do better and I forgive myself...forgive the situation and I forgive XXXX ..and say...God bless XXXX
if it comes up as it invariably it can,does or begins to recycle in your head
 ..say in the name of Christ I forgive him...I bless him... I let it go
otherwise you are using this as an excuse to keep yourself in the
past..keeping yourself from growing and worse punishing your self...Perfect Love does not punish...says in the bible.Your are God's precious beloved daughter..if you believe..GOD IS LOVE..that then love is kind and blessed and if you don't...pray for the Lord to bless you w/knowledge of His Love    

and keep writing your dreams for they can come true
:Rose:





			You are right,but I am not talking about praying, I still pray.
When people say to put yourself out there for christian guys...and I did and got burnt. HORRIBLY....twice. I am the type of person that doesn't even believe in flirting, or being "charming", for a while I didn't want to wear makeup because I thought it was deceiving, I wanted to wait until after the relationship to get all dolled up. So for me to step outside my boundaries, just by showing a tinge of interest...and fail was humiliating. I refuse to put myself through that.
That is why I just want to let God take charge. I will just sit in that pew, and that is it. No more "making myself available".
God knows and that is it.
		
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## **Tasha*Love** (Oct 21, 2008)

^^^That was wonderful and inspiring Kayte...I needed that as well


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