# Michelle Obama’s Rules Of Assimilation (nytimes Opinion Piece) Do You Agree?



## EssenceOfBeauty (Mar 4, 2019)

Michelle Obama’s Rules of Assimilation

Why do black people still feel we have to retain white empathy at the expense of being truly empathetic to ourselves?






By Erin Aubry Kaplan

Contributing Opinion Writer

I happened to be finishing Michelle Obama’s memoir, “Becoming,” during her recent surprise appearance at the Grammys. She gave a short speech about music bringing people together — “whether we like country, or rap or rock, music helps us share ourselves,” she said. The timing felt appropriate — it’s Black History Month, and although the Obamas are now ensconced in that history, we are only beginning to truly examine their legacy.

Let me stress that I like Mrs. Obama. I very much identify with her. I, too, was born in the ’60s and grew up working class in a black family that saw higher education as the way forward. What’s always interested me about Mrs. Obama is how she created a modern narrative of black womanhood just by being herself. The most notable accomplishment of her memoir is that she shows how being consciously black _and_ being an individual are not incompatible, but an ordinary state of being.

She is a soldier in the racial struggles that engage all black folks, but at the same time she is human — vulnerable, uncertain, thrilled to be in love, anxious to be liked. She is, for a time, comfortably middle class, too, which may be the most radical part of this narrative, because black folks who acquire money and prestige are assumed not to have any problems worth serious consideration (they are not, in other words, authentically black). Not so.

And yet reading “Becoming” made me realize, with a sinking heart, how much further we have to go before we routinely hear the whole story about black people’s experience.





https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/25/...on=CompanionColumn&contentCollection=Trending
The Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. speaking to his congregation at the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago in 2006.CreditJason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune, via Associated Press





The Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. speaking to his congregation at the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago in 2006.
Credit Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune, via Associated Press
More important, these are critiques I’ve heard in many forms from ordinary black people. I can’t imagine Mrs. Obama hasn’t heard them, too, and doesn’t understand exactly where they come from.

The point is not that she has to completely agree with Mr. Wright. But in her disavowals, she’s making a political choice — not surprising, given the book and other projects that hinge on her popularity and “relatability.” That’s what’s so dismaying. As the highest-profile black American woman in the world for eight years, as a towering first, she has a rare chance — an obligation, in my mind — to broaden the national narrative of exclusion from a story of black striving and overcoming to a story of black discontent. That would be much more meaningful than any feel-good awards-show speech about the “unifying power of music.She could at least give our discontent the same consideration she gives to Iowa voters and military families and other groups whom she describes as having opened her eyes to the deepest meanings of being American. But we don’t get that here. Once again we are denied our fullness because of a (justified) fear it will be interpreted as anti-American. Mrs. Obama still follows the rule of assimilation: It’s more important to retain white empathy than to be truly empathetic to ourselves.

Mrs. Obama writes at one point that as a black first lady, her “grace would need to be earned.” She’s talking again about those rules of assimilation, of that familiar burden of having to be three times as good to even be given a chance. (This, of course, is a truth built into the whole phenomena of Black History Month.) Too bad she doesn’t add that, in their incredible forbearance, black Americans earned their grace long ago, as well as their residual resentments and frustrations built up over 400 years, which are dismissed by the mainstream as anger or crankiness.

Mrs. Obama does get it right in the title: More of the story of black Americans is being told than ever before, but there is still so much left out, often deliberately. It — and we — are still becoming.


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## VeryBecoming (Mar 4, 2019)

It's hard to criticize Michelle Obama, especially given the current White House standards, but I agree. I saw her live last week and left thinking "well, that was for white people." I understand that she is under scrutiny like few other people in this country but I wish she, and a lot of other black people with platforms, didn't have to walk this white empathy tightrope.


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## RoundEyedGirl504 (Mar 4, 2019)

I read this piece yesterday - this isn't the whole write up here right? I agreed with a lot of the  writer's opinions, having read Becoming I had a lot of those same thoughts. Same old, same old. Black folks have to go out of their way to say not ALL white people and play up the narrative of hard work, education.,etc. If anyone expected some sort of radical social justice narrative coming from the Obamas they haven't been paying attention.


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## naijamerican (Mar 4, 2019)

The author raises good points and I also really appreciate what you ladies have said. I just don't know, though...I guess I don't agree with her central argument ("Mrs. Obama still follows the rule of assimilation: It’s more important to retain white empathy than to be truly empathetic to ourselves.").

My perspective on this has shifted over time, in part because I've worked with Black people who are the "first" in their fields and the toll it takes is not something I would want in my own life. It is not just the 50 shades of BS racism they have to face; it's also the criticisms (not all of which are unfair) they face from other Blacks who feel that they should be doing more. Michelle Obama is sharing from her personal experience and I don't feel that I have the right to judge what she says. What I can judge is the extent to which she leverages her platform to create spaces for the next generation of Black thinkers, creators, and writers to articulate our experiences in such a way as to add texture and context to what it means to navigate this life as Black people in the United States of America. I judge Michelle, and other "firsts," by what they've done to open doors that have been closed off to us so that other manifestations of Blackness have the wherewithal to provide nuanced perspectives about their lives, which will undercut the "white empathy" angle that the author rightly highlights.

This is just my perspective. Hopefully it makes sense.


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## RoundEyedGirl504 (Mar 4, 2019)

naijamerican said:


> The author raises good points and I also really appreciate what you ladies have said. I just don't know, though...I guess I don't agree with her central argument ("Mrs. Obama still follows the rule of assimilation: It’s more important to retain white empathy than to be truly empathetic to ourselves.").
> 
> My perspective on this has shifted over time, in part because I've worked with Black people who are the "first" in their fields and the toll it takes is not something I would want in my own life. It is not just the 50 shades of BS racism they have to face; it's also the criticisms (not all of which are unfair) they face from other Blacks who feel that they should be doing more. Michelle Obama is sharing from her personal experience and I don't feel that I have the right to judge what she says. What I can judge is the extent to which she leverages her platform to create spaces for the next generation of Black thinkers, creators, and writers to articulate our experiences in such a way as to add texture and context to what it means to navigate this life as Black people in the United States of America. I judge Michelle, and other "firsts," by what they've done to open doors that have been closed off to us so that other manifestations of Blackness have the wherewithal to provide nuanced perspectives about their lives, which will undercut the "white empathy" angle that the author rightly highlights.
> 
> This is just my perspective. Hopefully it makes sense.



To be fair, I think Michelle is also getting some blowback, rightfully or not, from the Barack's interactions at the My Brother's Keeper event here in Oakland last week and in general.


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## Evolving78 (Mar 4, 2019)

RoundEyedGirl504 said:


> To be fair, I think Michelle is also getting some blowback, rightfully or not, from the Barack's interactions at the My Brother's Keeper event here in Oakland last week and in general.


Can you expand on this? I watched some clips from the event.


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## Evolving78 (Mar 4, 2019)

As far as the author of the article, what is she doing to move black folks foward, besides writing articles on what other black people should be doing?


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## RoundEyedGirl504 (Mar 4, 2019)

Evolving78 said:


> Can you expand on this? I watched some clips from the event.


I have seen people criticizing him because he said things like you don't need a big chain and women twerking on you to be confident and successful. Basically the criticism that he has always gotten when speaking to black audiences,  they both tow the line with whites and don't want to actively call out white people for their stuff, but when it comes to black folks they have a condescending approach that focuses on stereotypes of black folks. Is it familiarity or lack of familiarity in his case? I don't know. But that has been the criticism, similar to when he spoke at Morehouse.


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## Evolving78 (Mar 4, 2019)

RoundEyedGirl504 said:


> I have seen people criticizing him because he said things like you don't need a big chain and women twerking on you to be confident and successful. Basically the criticism that he has always gotten when speaking to black audiences,  they both tow the line with whites and don't want to actively call out white people for their stuff, but when it comes to black folks they have a condescending approach that focuses on stereotypes of black folks. Is it familiarity or lack of familiarity in his case? I don't know. But that has been the criticism, similar to when he spoke at Morehouse.


Oh ok thank you! 

Rant
Well the black community will just continue to stay stuck, so I’m not surprised at the backlash. “Other Folks” don’t care what was done in the past and what is being done to us now, and they never will. Do black folks get that? We need to assimilate, get on one accord, and move forward. Work the system, do all we can to gain from it, leave and create our own. 
Black men don’t even join PTOs, volunteer at schools, start more reading programs, create more mentoring groups, create clean up community committees, pull money together to take black kids to cultural events, etc.. it’s all about the individual, or just sitting up and blaming the white man who don’t give a rat’s behind about us and who don’t want to work and live with us.


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## Southernbella. (Mar 4, 2019)

I'm not really a fan of the Obamas beyond their historical significance and I was honestly a bit disappointed with some of the excerpts I read of Becoming. 

I've been critical of Barack for years for his attitude toward AAs/folks who paved the way for him but I thought Michelle was different.


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## Southernbella. (Mar 4, 2019)

Evolving78 said:


> Oh ok thank you!
> 
> Rant
> Well the black community will just continue to stay stuck, so I’m not surprised at the backlash. “Other Folks” don’t care what was done in the past and what is being done to us now, and they never will. Do black folks get that? We need to assimilate, get on one accord, and move forward. Work the system, do all we can to gain from it, leave and create our own.
> Black men don’t even join PTOs, volunteer at schools, start more reading programs, create more mentoring groups, create clean up community committees, pull money together to take black kids to cultural events, etc.. it’s all about the individual, or just sitting up and blaming the white man who don’t give a rat’s behind about us and who don’t want to work and live with us.



I'm sorry you don't see this happening in your community but it happens in mine.


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## Evolving78 (Mar 4, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> I'm sorry you don't see this happening in your community but it happens in mine.


Who said I didn’t? Lol it’s not happening enough. And everything I mentioned, black men are currently running events and programs in mine. So until more black men stand up and take their communities back, things will still be at a standstill.


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## Southernbella. (Mar 4, 2019)

Evolving78 said:


> Who said I didn’t? Lol it’s not happening enough. And everything I mentioned, black men are currently running events and programs in mine. So until more black men stand up and take their communities back, things will still be at a standstill.



You said it:



> "Black men don’t even join PTOs, volunteer at schools, start more reading programs, create more mentoring groups, create clean up community committees, pull money together to take black kids to cultural events, etc"



It was a definitive statement which led me to believe you don't see it happening. Maybe I misunderstood.

That said, of course it could be happening in more communities but where I get annoyed with folks like the Obamas is that you can't divorce any of this stuff from history or context. It's a classic bootstraps argument. I know they know this. You can't be as intelligent and educated as they are without having that knowledge. I truly don't understand it.


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## thickness (Mar 4, 2019)

I get what she is saying, but I'm just tired of us publicly admonishing/critiquing  each other.  It comes off as being disingenuous and self-serving.  It also gives others too much information.  If you have a problem with someone from our community, why not reach out to them privately?  The critique would probably be received much better than just blasting them on social media.


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## Southernbella. (Mar 4, 2019)

Also, in what world are AAs NOT assimilated? Most of us have european names, we speak standard American English, we spend 12+ years in schools where we receive eurocentric education, and we hold white folks up as our standard (even though we shouldn't). 

What an I missing?


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## ScorpioBeauty09 (Mar 4, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> I'm not really a fan of the Obamas beyond their historical significance...
> 
> I've been critical of Barack for years for his attitude toward AAs/folks who paved the way for him but I thought Michelle was different.



I could've written this myself.  My family has always been critical of Obama precisely for this reason. Why Obama placates white people and publicly lectures black people is another discussion.

I never expected much from Obama but some of that had to do with the nature of the presidency and American governance. But the further we get into the era of Orange Hitler, the clearer it is that Barack played his part just like other recent presidents, to set the stage for the economic/political mess we're in now. 

As for Michelle, it's disappointing but as a Millennial it's what I'd expect from an AA Boomer. I don't mean that entirely as a criticism because this is the generation that lived through integration and did what they needed to do to get to where they wanted to go. Without derailing the thread, I'll just say that integration didn't do what we were taught to believe it did, and we're more cynical of trying to be 'accepted' by white people. A poster mentioned the toll it takes on a black person being the "first" in their field, I agree.


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## Evolving78 (Mar 4, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> You said it:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I know I should have made myself clear.  
And I agree with you about the bootstrap argument.  The Obamas have to give up a lot of things in order to be accepted and go where they have gone. You wanna be the free leader of white folks and others, you are gonna have to play by there rules. 

From what I gathered regarding Michele’s book,  was a woman experiencing how to balance career and family, as well as making decisions that go against the norm, by doing what makes a person content.


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## Evolving78 (Mar 4, 2019)

ScorpioBeauty09 said:


> I could've written this myself.  My family has always been critical of Obama precisely for this reason. Why Obama placates white people and publicly lectures black people is another discussion.
> 
> I never expected much from Obama but some of that had to do with the nature of the presidency and American governance. But the further we get into the era of Orange Hitler, the clearer it is that Barack played his part just like other recent presidents, to set the stage for the economic/political mess we're in now.
> 
> As for Michelle, it's disappointing but as a Millennial it's what I'd expect from an AA Boomer. I don't mean that entirely as a criticism because this is the generation that lived through integration and did what they needed to do to get to where they wanted to go. Without derailing the thread, I'll just say that integration didn't do what we were taught to believe it did, and we're more cynical of trying to be 'accepted' by white people. A poster mentioned the toll it takes on a black person being the "first" in their field, I agree.


Integration has not been very beneficial to us. I wish people would get that. My mother is a boomer and we debate about this a lot. I strategically live in an area that is not diverse, but still gives my family the ability to thrive without having to deal with outsiders making them feel less than.


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## Nalin (Mar 4, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> Also, in what world are AAs NOT assimilated? Most of us have european names, we speak standard American English, we spend 12+ years in schools where we receive eurocentric education, and we hold white folks up as our standard (even though we shouldn't).
> 
> What an I missing?



So on point.


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## Nalin (Mar 4, 2019)

I was disappointed in her book, but not surprised.  I was just hoping a little bitty part of that girl from the south-side of Chicago would come out.  It didn't.  

I know it was unrealistic on my part.


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## naijamerican (Mar 4, 2019)

ScorpioBeauty09 said:


> As for Michelle, it's disappointing but as a Millennial it's what I'd expect from an AA Boomer. I don't mean that entirely as a criticism because this is the generation that lived through integration and did what they needed to do to get to where they wanted to go. Without derailing the thread, I'll just say that integration didn't do what we were taught to believe it did, and we're more cynical of trying to be 'accepted' by white people. A poster mentioned the toll it takes on a black person being the "first" in their field, I agree.


I totally agree with you on this. I personally love the Obamas but again, that whole integration thing - including being among the generation to initiate it more broadly than previous ones - is nothing to play with. Most of the people who successfully integrated into predominantly White spaces did so at personal costs and frankly, I think the integrationists (so to speak) fall into two camps: the ones who perpetuate the Horatio Alger mythology of luck, pluck, and virtue being enough to catapult you out of your circumstances; and those who are cynical about these damn colonizers. The latter group is populated by those who are not afraid to look inward and ask themselves if it was worth it after all. And they share these lessons with those coming behind.

Meanwhile, millennials (I’m in the upper edge of this group) have seen it for what it is and are more willing to call a spade a spade. But I have a soft spot of the integrationist generation. I don’t envy what they went through to get where they are and the continued impact it has on their lives.

I also want to suggest that it is possible that Michelle is easing her way into these difficult conversations in her first book and that some of the criticisms levied against her may be explored in subsequent books. After all...how long did it take for Beyoncé to put out Lemonade? Remember the SNL skit that made fun of White people for forgetting that she’s a Black woman?


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## 1QTPie (Mar 4, 2019)

Girl... bye.


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## naijamerican (Mar 4, 2019)

1QTPie said:


> Girl... bye.




ETA: Wait a minute...where did you find this @1QTPie??


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## FemmeCreole (Mar 4, 2019)

I think Michelle’s book speaks HER personal journey and what she has been through, what she’s had to do and still in a process of becoming. 

The book was not mean to be a blueprint for other black women. 

The Obamas did all they could, while being in a constant spotlight, under scrutiny of people just waiting for them to misstep.

Being the “first” placed an even bigger burden because many black folks had unrealistic expectations that Obama was coming to be President of black America and he would under almost 400 years of injustice in 8 years. When he became president, McConnell et al vowed to block everything he tried to pass. He still managed to get a lot done that would benefit black people (without outright stating so). He only had control for 2 out of the 8 years. 

Michelle couldn’t have been a better example of a First Lady, yet she was unmercifully criticized at every turn. The programs she implemented as First Lady positively affected black kids. Better food in public schools for one, was huge. 

They cracked the ceiling but it’s not broken. I think the writer’s article is unfair because (1) unrealistic expectations and (2) wrong interpretation of the purpose of the book. 

The Obamas are 2 people out of 330+ million. They did what they could to further the conversation. More black people are getting involved in communities, schools, politics etc. It’s not enough but it’s promising. Barrack talking to black males about alternatives to the living and being successful, is not chastising or talking down. It’s just stating that that way hasn’t done too well for you, how about you do something different.


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## Everything Zen (Mar 4, 2019)

Barack and Michelle would pretty much have to eat a black baby on national TV AND not wash their hands after the fact before I really get bent out of shape about anything they do.


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## RoundEyedGirl504 (Mar 4, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> Also, in what world are AAs NOT assimilated? Most of us have european names, we speak standard American English, we spend 12+ years in schools where we receive eurocentric education, and we hold white folks up as our standard (even though we shouldn't).
> 
> What an I missing?



That's what puts such a bad taste in folks mouths. It's the class-ism that tends to be in play where the black folks who made it like to get on a podium to tell the other black people to pull their pants up and stop acting like hoodlums. We don't get the consideration of diversity of experience, that mess isn't uplifting nor encouraging. But I guess we are so used to being preached at that we don't see that for what it is.


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## FemmeCreole (Mar 4, 2019)

I’m not about black folks assimilating to white folks. Black Americans have their own culture which frankly is American culture for the most part. That’s the culture that is most copied around the world.

That being said, having proper decorum is certain spaces is not about assimilating IMO. Everything is not for everywhere. Some attitudes and behaviors are toxic and has done nothing to improve the lives of most of the folks who live that life. There is nothing wrong in trying to get people to do better. It’s not about being preached at and it’s not about doing it to appease white folks.

I couldn’t care less about the “white man” but I do want my business to survive in the environment in which we operate. Look at it as moving strategically and claiming spaces as opposed to toeing some arbitrary line.


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## sgold04 (Mar 4, 2019)

I didn’t finish Becoming. As soon as she started going in on Rev. Jeremiah Wright I lost interest. I was hoping for a twinge of regret and realness in her tone, but nah.


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## Kurlee (Mar 4, 2019)

thx op!


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## RocStar (Mar 5, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> Also, in what world are AAs NOT assimilated? Most of us have european names, we speak standard American English, we spend 12+ years in schools where we receive eurocentric education, and we hold white folks up as our standard (even though we shouldn't).
> 
> *What an I missing?*



Girl, I thought maybe I didn't read something right.


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## Miss_Luna (Mar 5, 2019)

I've felt this way for a while, but I would never say it out loud amongst non-Black people 

After reading Becoming, I felt like I was missing something...I have been a "first" in a few programs in my life and I really wanted to get her perspective on how she remained unapologetically Black and maintained her integrity when dealing with conscious and unconscious bias from non-Black people. I didn't get that, at all. It was more like how she modified her behavior and held her head high. I wanted to know how she managed to not roll her eyes or flare her nostrils when someone mentioned her hair or her body type, etc.

But then I thought that this book isn't for "us", it's for everybody. That made me sad. 

I have an executive coach that is an older Black woman, around Michelle's age, and she received feedback that I was too direct and it offended a white woman. The white woman told my coach that she was probably offended because she's not used to young Black women speaking up for themselves. My coach told me to temper my speech to make these white women more comfortable. I'm the only Black person in the group so it would be me speaking like a child, while everyone else says whatever tf they want. So I told her if I have to change who I am to accommodate every white woman then I'm not being myself and I'd rather not work at a place that doesn't accept me. That was the millenial in me with a no effs given. I expected Becoming to discuss these kinds of experiences and it frustrated me.


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## Everything Zen (Mar 5, 2019)

Sigh... Y’all gonna make me not finish this book.   I’m only on the chapter where she just got the letter to Princeton.


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## Miss_Luna (Mar 5, 2019)

Everything Zen said:


> Sigh... Y’all gonna make me not finish this book.   I’m only on the chapter where she just got the letter to Princeton.



Finish it!

But it feels like there is an elephant in the room, that only Black people tend to notice. She touches on a few things that resonated, but you can tell that this book is for everybody.


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## Everything Zen (Mar 5, 2019)

Oh I’m going to finish it. I just think the Millenial generation is going to have to carry the torch at this point. I think people are asking too much of Michelle and the baby boomers. They’ve  done what they can from their perspective.

@Miss_Luna I can relate to your work experience and I think our generation is used to giving the finger to those conventions. We’re making strides in spite of the micro and macro aggressions that come our way and still speaking up and out about our experiences. We don’t need Michelle to speak for us. It would be nice but she is an individual and as others said maybe she’s still evolving.


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## Ms. Tarabotti (Mar 5, 2019)

I  haven't read the book yet.

I think that it's the tension that many 'firsts' feel- how do you succeed while being true to yourself.  The majority feel that you are too whatever (too black, too female, etc) while your own group feels that you are not 'whatever' (fill in the blank) enough in the space that you are in.





Miss_Luna said:


> I've felt this way for a while, but I would never say it out loud amongst non-Black people
> 
> After reading Becoming, I felt like I was missing something...I have been a "first" in a few programs in my life and I really wanted to get her perspective on how she remained unapologetically Black and maintained her integrity when dealing with conscious and unconscious bias from non-Black people. I didn't get that, at all. It was more like how she modified her behavior and held her head high. I wanted to know how she managed to not roll her eyes or flare her nostrils when someone mentioned her hair or her body type, etc.
> 
> ...





Everything Zen said:


> Oh I’m going to finish it. I just think the Millenial generation is going to have to carry the torch at this point. I think people are asking too much of Michelle and the baby boomers. They’ve  done what they can from their perspective.
> 
> @Miss_Luna I can relate to your work experience and I think our generation is used to giving the finger to those conventions. We’re making strides in spite of the micro and macro aggressions that come our way and still speaking up and out about our experiences. We don’t need Michelle to speak for us. It would be nice but she is an individual and as others said maybe she’s still evolving.



And future generations might say that this millennial generation still didn't do enough.


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## 1QTPie (Mar 5, 2019)

naijamerican said:


> ETA: Wait a minute...where did you find this @1QTPie??




I was trying to find better photos of her and saw this connected to a blog post she wrote about the death of her husband. That's him.


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## ScorpioBeauty09 (Mar 5, 2019)

Everything Zen said:


> Oh I’m going to finish it. I just think the Millenial generation is going to have to carry the torch at this point. *I think people are asking too much of Michelle and the baby boomers.* They’ve  done what they can from their perspective.
> 
> @Miss_Luna I can relate to your work experience and I think our generation is used to giving the finger to those conventions. We’re making strides in spite of the micro and macro aggressions that come our way and still speaking up and out about our experiences. We don’t need Michelle to speak for us. It would be nice but she is an individual and as others said maybe she’s still evolving.


I can let Michelle as an individual off the hook. She's only one person. But the Boomers as a whole can and should do more. Or at the least they can get out of the way so we can carry the torch.


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## Everything Zen (Mar 5, 2019)

^^^^ Now I’ll agree with you about wanting them to get out of the way but actually the baby boomers are still waiting for some of the older generations to move over. 

Last presidential election- the average age of everyone running was like 70. Nancy Pelosi is 78 years old but she was exactly who we needed as Speaker. I’m not saying that older people need to go knit in a retirement home but they are staying in positions longer. Then everyone has the nerve to wag fingers at Millenials and delayed milestones of achievement in adulthood.


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## Southernbella. (Mar 5, 2019)

FemmeCreole said:


> I think Michelle’s book speaks HER personal journey and what she has been through, what she’s had to do and still in a process of becoming.
> 
> The book was not mean to be a blueprint for other black women.
> 
> ...



Re: the bolded...
Barack Obama should not have gone to Morehouse and talked about not being lazy and blaming white people. An HBCU, graduating black men who have made something of themselves, and THAT'S what he talked about. Or visiting the CBC and telling them to stop whining and put their shoes on and do some work. An organization filled with people who were beaten and attacked by dogs and water hoses and whatnot.

Nah. He's always been a condescending person towards AAs, a group who paved the way for him to even become president. Sorry, I'm AA and I'm never giving him passes on that and it's why even when he does manage to read a room and say the right thing, I'm not applauding it as much as feeling like ok, so he DOES know how. He just chooses not to.

I don't disagree with the rest of your post.


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## Southernbella. (Mar 5, 2019)

Miss_Luna said:


> I've felt this way for a while, but I would never say it out loud amongst non-Black people
> 
> After reading Becoming, I felt like I was missing something...I have been a "first" in a few programs in my life and I really wanted to get her perspective on how she remained unapologetically Black and maintained her integrity when dealing with conscious and unconscious bias from non-Black people. I didn't get that, at all. It was more like how she modified her behavior and held her head high. I wanted to know how she managed to not roll her eyes or flare her nostrils when someone mentioned her hair or her body type, etc.
> 
> ...



I had a similar experience that I think I posted about before where I was training a white girl and we went to lunch and ki-ki'd and she never said a word to me but then she went to my manager (a bw) and complained that I was too harsh with her. My manager called me in and rolled her eyes and told me she would just have someone else train the girl because she knew it was ridiculous.

I was young and that was my first experience with ww in a corporate environment. But what's interesting is that a study came out awhile back saying black women's assertiveness is valued in the corporate world while ww's and bm's is not. I couldn't find the original but I found a summary:



> While white men are expected to be assertive and aggressive leaders, black men and white women are often penalized for that kind of behavior in the workplace. A new study published in _Psychological Science_, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, looks at another group: black women. They find that, rather than being viewed as a combination of black men and white women, black women also seem to be expected to act assertively.
> (Snip)
> The authors were inspired in part by a newspaper article describing how Ursula Burns became the CEO of XEROX and the first black woman to head a Fortune 500 company. The article described a lot of behavior that seemed assertive and dominant to Livingston. “It didn’t seem like she was being shy or docile or tiptoeing on eggshells,” he said.
> (Snip)
> ...



https://www.psychologicalscience.or...roved-for-assertiveness-in-the-workplace.html


Obviously this is just talking about bw in leadership but I hope someone expands on it and maybe even does a case study on Michelle and how she stands right at the intersection of race and gender in the workplace. For bw it's the combination of both that we have to navigate.


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## Everything Zen (Mar 5, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> Re: the bolded...
> Barack Obama should not have gone to Morehouse and talked about not being lazy and blaming white people. An HBCU, graduating black men who have made something of themselves, and THAT'S what he talked about. Or visiting the CBC and telling them to stop whining and put their shoes on and do some work. An organization filled with people who were beaten and attacked by dogs and water hoses and whatnot.
> 
> Nah. He's always been a condescending person towards AAs, a group who paved the way for him to even become president. Sorry, I'm AA and I'm never giving him passes on that and it's why even when he does manage to read a room and say the right thing, I'm not applauding it as much as feeling like ok, so he DOES know how. He just chooses not to.
> ...



But he didn’t do that at the Howard commencement. I felt like that speech was appropriate so I’m very shocked and need to watch this one. I’ve heard you speak up about this in the past. I need to pay more attention.  Honestly though that’s how a lot of black baby boomers speak to younger generations. Doesn’t make it right. My dad is one of the few that acknowledges the selfishness of his generation as a whole.


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## LadyPBC (Mar 5, 2019)

Sometimes I think that we forget that President Obama is half white.  He was abandoned by his African father and Midwestern mother and raised by his White grandparents.  It is who he is and he has been 'successfully' navigating different cultures for some time.  I don't think it would be fair to ask him to choose a side.  Maybe for that reason, I'm no expert and can't speak for the GFLOTUS of all time, she treads carefully when discussing race and how challenging it can be.  She, unlike many others, has had lots of White folks who embraced and were nice to her.  I don't know.  I'm not mad at her.  I'll always be a fan.


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## naijamerican (Mar 5, 2019)

Everything Zen said:


> Oh I’m going to finish it. I just think the Millenial generation is going to have to carry the torch at this point. I think people are asking too much of Michelle and the baby boomers. They’ve  done what they can from their perspective.



I agree with you and that's basically what I was saying, that Michelle, at the very least, is opening up avenues for important conversations that will likely be initiated and sustained by those who follow her. I honestly don't expect her to adopt the same approaches that Millenials and younger generations are using. I've even observed this with my friends who are Millenials and the disappointment they express in some of our older mentors. I think that we need to figure out how to strike the balance between demanding more from those who are older, while maintaining a sense of grace and empathy from the standpoint that there are some things they are not ready to address publicly, let alone wrestle with privately.



1QTPie said:


> I was trying to find better photos of her and saw this connected to a blog post she wrote about the death of her husband. That's him.


Oh wow. I know who this writer is because I remember when her husband died. Her blog post about her husband's death was, quite frankly, very moving and thoughtful. It made me think about how Black women in interracial relationships negotiate their work when their focus is on issues of race, power, and privilege. 

In case people want to read how she described their relationship, here's the lank: https://www.kcet.org/history-society/love-across-the-color-line-remembering-alan-kaplan. One quote that stood out to me is this: 


> Early on we accepted the fact that whether we were getting along splendidly or getting on each other's case, he would never stop being white and I would never stop being black. Love would never negate the truth of our respective experiences of being black and white that were painstakingly designed over hundreds of years to be oppressive and hierarchal, not equal.


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## ScorpioBeauty09 (Mar 5, 2019)

Everything Zen said:


> But he didn’t do that at the Howard commencement. I felt like that speech was appropriate so I’m very shocked and need to watch this one. I’ve heard you speak up about this in the past. I need to pay more attention.  Honestly though that’s how a lot of black baby boomers speak to younger generations. Doesn’t make it right. *My dad is one of the few that acknowledges the selfishness of his generation as a whole.*


Same with my mother.


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## ScorpioBeauty09 (Mar 5, 2019)

LadyPBC said:


> *Sometimes I think that we forget that President Obama is half white.  He was abandoned by his African father and Midwestern mother and raised by his White grandparents. * It is who he is and he has been 'successfully' navigating different cultures for some time.  I don't think it would be fair to ask him to choose a side.  Maybe for that reason, I'm no expert and can't speak for the GFLOTUS of all time, she treads carefully when discussing race and how challenging it can be.  She, unlike many others, has had lots of White folks who embraced and were nice to her.  I don't know.  I'm not mad at her.  I'll always be a fan.


The bolded. It's why I've never felt the kinship that many AAs felt toward him.


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## dancinstallion (Mar 6, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> I'm sorry you don't see this happening in your community but it happens in mine.



it doesn't happen in mine either. The closest I have been to a group of black parents really looking to build our kids and advance them was at the mandarin School our kids attended. How freaking ironic. Since most of the kids will be or are going to different schools now,  it is hard keeping most of the Black kids advanced as a group. It is like pulling teeth to try to get my black friends and their kids to take educational opportunities.


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## dancinstallion (Mar 6, 2019)

Evolving78 said:


> Oh ok thank you!
> 
> Rant
> Well the black community will just continue to stay stuck, so I’m not surprised at the backlash. “Other Folks” don’t care what was done in the past and what is being done to us now, and they never will. Do black folks get that? We need to assimilate, get on one accord, and move forward. Work the system, do all we can to gain from it, leave and create our own.
> Black men don’t even join PTOs, volunteer at schools, start more reading programs, create more mentoring groups, create clean up community committees, pull money together to take black kids to cultural events, etc.. it’s all about the individual, or just sitting up and blaming the white man who don’t give a rat’s behind about us and who don’t want to work and live with us.



About reading programs. I told dd lets start a book club with advanced vocabulary studies in the area and she was down. I know the little white girl down the street that is being homeschooled will join but I had the bright idea to keep it for black kids. Well the first few parents I asked didnt seem interested, then I asked another parent who is a teacher and she said her daughter doesnt like to read.  This 6th grade.

My hope for black kids rising as a group and surpassing whites Asians im education and opportunities is nearly non existent. Forget assimilating I want to pass them or create our own lane and path but that has been challenging to get other AAs to join the lane.  

I already said dd is the only black kid in all of her advanced classes. 

I rarely see black dads at the school meetings and functions unless they are African.


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## ajoke (Mar 6, 2019)

Miss_Luna said:


> I've felt this way for a while, but I would never say it out loud amongst non-Black people
> 
> After reading Becoming, I felt like I was missing something...I have been a "first" in a few programs in my life and I really wanted to get her perspective on how she remained unapologetically Black and maintained her integrity when dealing with conscious and unconscious bias from non-Black people. I didn't get that, at all. It was more like how she modified her behavior and held her head high. I wanted to know how she managed to not roll her eyes or flare her nostrils when someone mentioned her hair or her body type, etc.
> 
> ...



What in the world! I feel personally offended for you. Not just that the white woman actually dared to say that aloud, but also that your coach told you about it. Keep your head up girl!


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## Everything Zen (Mar 6, 2019)

ajoke said:


> What in the world! I feel personally offended for you. Not just that the white woman actually dared to say that aloud, but also that your coach told you about it. Keep your head up girl!



That’s just how it is. My manager said that “I come across strongly” and “I am too quiet” all the same performance review at my last job.

Being deemed too quiet is sometimes worse than being too assertive. I’ve learned that at several jobs. 

But I’ve kind of gotten to the point that I’m going to end up being some version of myself regardless.


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## Miss_Luna (Mar 6, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> I had a similar experience that I think I posted about before where I was training a white girl and we went to lunch and ki-ki'd and she never said a word to me but then she went to my manager (a bw) and complained that I was too harsh with her. My manager called me in and rolled her eyes and told me she would just have someone else train the girl because she knew it was ridiculous.
> 
> I was young and that was my first experience with ww in a corporate environment. But what's interesting is that a study came out awhile back saying black women's assertiveness is valued in the corporate world while ww's and bm's is not. I couldn't find the original but I found a summary:
> 
> ...




I think it's a unique study and I'll look into it, but I think Ursula Burns also presents herself in a somewhat unfeminine style, possibly on purpose but probably also preference, to make gender less of a distraction. 

In my experience white women expect us to either look like Ursula or less feminine than them, in general, and when we highlight our attributes and are assertive/demand respect, it makes them feel challenged. This could just be my experience, but I have seen this with white women and gay white men.

Either way, I'm here for a reason and I work hard for it, so I don't let it stop me. I know there are women that have conquered this space, but I struggle to find a platform, other than this board, where we can see success stories or ways to navigate this space.


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## Southernbella. (Mar 6, 2019)

dancinstallion said:


> it doesn't happen in mine either. The closest I have been to a group of black parents really looking to build our kids and advance them was at the mandarin School our kids attended. How freaking ironic. Since most of the kids will be or are going to different schools now,  it is hard keeping most of the Black kids advanced as a group. It is like pulling teeth to try to get my black friends and their kids to take educational opportunities.



Yeah it's going to be hard if they aren't all at the same school. DD and several of her friends all applied and were accepted into a STEM magnet program here. They've been friends since kindy and the moms have stayed close. With ds, it's the dads who talk. Dh met a couple of families at the boxing gym ds went to who attended different schools and they exchanged info and keep in touch. I think the key is that folks have to be likeminded. You're gonna run into black folks who talk a good game but aren't truly interested in more than just talking. I meet them too and once it's clear, I keep it moving. But once you find likeminded folks, it's a lot easier.

You may have better luck online. I know you don't homeschool but there are a growing number of black parents who are homeschooling and/or supplementing trad education at home and there will be likeminded folks in those groups for sure.

http://www.nbhe.net

https://www.matermea.com/blog/10-black-homeschool-moms-you-should-follow

FB groups:

Black Homeschooling Families, African-American Homeschool Moms, Minority Homeschool Connection, and Black Stay at Home Moms. 

Also, if there's a Mocha Moms chapter in your area you should check it out. I've seen good things happening with them.


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## UmSumayyah (Mar 6, 2019)

Southernbella. said:


> Re: the bolded...
> Barack Obama should not have gone to Morehouse and talked about not being lazy and blaming white people. An HBCU, graduating black men who have made something of themselves, and THAT'S what he talked about. Or visiting the CBC and telling them to stop whining and put their shoes on and do some work. An organization filled with people who were beaten and attacked by dogs and water hoses and whatnot.
> 
> Nah. He's always been a condescending person towards AAs, a group who paved the way for him to even become president. Sorry, I'm AA and I'm never giving him passes on that and it's why even when he does manage to read a room and say the right thing, I'm not applauding it as much as feeling like ok, so he DOES know how. He just chooses not to.e
> ...


Exactly.  That Morehouse thing was such an insult.


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## naturalgyrl5199 (Mar 7, 2019)

Evolving78 said:


> Oh ok thank you!
> 
> Rant
> Well the black community will just continue to stay stuck, so I’m not surprised at the backlash. “Other Folks” don’t care what was done in the past and what is being done to us now, and they never will. Do black folks get that? We need to assimilate, get on one accord, and move forward. Work the system, do all we can to gain from it, leave and create our own.
> *Black men don’t even join PTOs, volunteer at schools, start more reading programs, create more mentoring groups, create clean up community committees, pull money together to take black kids to cultural events, etc.. it’s all about the individual, or just sitting up and blaming the white man who don’t give a rat’s behind about us and who don’t want to work and live with us*.


I'm happy to say this is going on in my community. But I live in a very Political Town with an HBCU smack dab in the middle of it.  But the town is a medium sized one.
I didn't read Becoming and don't feel a pull to buy it. But I love Michelle.

I will say only this on the blowback for the Black Men thing: The conversation for what Blacks Should Do is one I feel is for "family."
Like we not gonna discuss family business with DeWytes. But the conversation about twerking, images of black men and women in the media IS an important one. The conversation can't be nuanced? Its part and parcel of why we are perceived as such and we as a people have co-signed on some of this in exchange for money to get ahead and in many cases get the benefits (clothes, access, jewelry, acceptance) that DeWytes have. No one likes to hear it. I remember when Jesse Jackson was salty about Barack Calling out black men.
Edited: I forgot he said that to Morehouse Men. Wrong Audience....really.


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## naturalgyrl5199 (Mar 7, 2019)

naturalgyrl5199 said:


> I'm happy to say this is going on in my community. But I live in a very Political Town with an HBCU smack dab in the middle of it.  But the town is a medium sized one.
> I didn't read Becoming and don't feel a pull to buy it. But I love Michelle.
> 
> I will say only this on the blowback for the Black Men thing: The conversation for what Blacks Should Do is one I feel is for "family."
> ...


ETA: He said that to the wrong audience...Agreed.


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 8, 2019)

naijamerican said:


> ETA: Wait a minute...where did you find this @1QTPie??



Girl...  they get the receipts on everybody...  the FBI and CIA should come here to recruit!


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 8, 2019)

FemmeCreole said:


> I think Michelle’s book speaks HER personal journey and what she has been through, what she’s had to do and still in a process of becoming.
> 
> The book was not mean to be a blueprint for other black women.
> 
> ...


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 8, 2019)

RoundEyedGirl504 said:


> That's what puts such a bad taste in folks mouths. It's the class-ism that tends to be in play where the black folks who made it like to get on a podium to tell the other black people to pull their pants up and stop acting like hoodlums. We don't get the consideration of diversity of experience, that mess isn't uplifting nor encouraging. But I guess we are so used to being preached at that we don't see that for what it is.



But they need to pull their pants up and stop acting like hoodlums.  What we are sorely missing in the black community is the sense of community shame that would keep these elements in line!


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 8, 2019)

FemmeCreole said:


> I’m not about black folks assimilating to white folks. Black Americans have their own culture which frankly is American culture for the most part. That’s the culture that is most copied around the world.
> 
> That being said, having proper decorum is certain spaces is not about assimilating IMO. Everything is not for everywhere. Some attitudes and behaviors are toxic and has done nothing to improve the lives of most of the folks who live that life. There is nothing wrong in trying to get people to do better. It’s not about being preached at and it’s not about doing it to appease white folks.
> 
> I couldn’t care less about the “white man” but I do want my business to survive in the environment in which we operate. Look at it as moving strategically and claiming spaces as opposed to toeing some arbitrary line.



You're preaching today my sister!


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 8, 2019)

sgold04 said:


> I didn’t finish Becoming. As soon as she started going in on Rev. Jeremiah Wright I lost interest. I was hoping for a twinge of regret and realness in her tone, but nah.



Why should she have regret?  That fool went out there and showed his entire black !  The Obamas rightfully did the 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 to him and kept it moving!


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 8, 2019)

Miss_Luna said:


> I've felt this way for a while, but I would never say it out loud amongst non-Black people
> 
> After reading Becoming, I felt like I was missing something...I have been a "first" in a few programs in my life and I really wanted to get her perspective on how she remained unapologetically Black and maintained her integrity when dealing with conscious and unconscious bias from non-Black people. I didn't get that, at all. It was more like how she modified her behavior and held her head high. I wanted to know how she managed to not roll her eyes or flare her nostrils when someone mentioned her hair or her body type, etc.
> 
> ...



But Michelle is not a millennial...  so she is not going to have a millennial's approach to dealing with workplace conflict...  Let us know how that worked out for you in thirty years!


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## FemmeCreole (Mar 8, 2019)

Barack Obama was responding to a question at the MBK Rising town hall when he talked about twerking and chains etc.

While at the “MBK! Rising” conference in Oakland, Calif., last week, a student asked Barack Obama how to change the narrative on how men of color are generally perceived. He answered in the Obama-branded way he usually does when he speaks to large groups of young black men—thoughtful, measured, sincere, witty, and veering towards respectability. (The Q&A starts around the 51 minute mark.)

As he concluded his answer, he remarked that “If you’re very confident about your sexuality, you don’t have to have eight women around you twerking.” This was both a very obvious attempt to provide some levity (he says “twerking” with a performative affect, like he was just advised by a nephew how to pronounce it 15 minutes ago) *and the latest example of his disappointing habit of being a bit of a scold*—something Derecka Purnell articulated in the New York Times last week.

I'm not sure why some folks take this negatively. He was speaking to a room full of young black men. Some of them in the room needed to hear that. We like to task successful black men to use their platform for good. Which black man has more visibility than Barack? Many young men still think that that's what they need to do to be a man.


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## FemmeCreole (Mar 8, 2019)

Go to the 51 minute mark to see the question and his response


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## Peppermynt (Mar 8, 2019)

OK having just listened to the above clip for the first time, I am not seeing any problem at all with what President Obama said OR how he said it.


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## Everything Zen (Mar 8, 2019)

Thank you @FemmeCreole for the link. He was specifically speaking to the general themes of hip hop music- which we discussed on this board ad nauseum. The way this was being characterized I thought he was tongue lashing the Morehouse students themselves to not run around wearing gold chains and have women twerking around them. 

I’m still open to a potential condescending attitude in his tone towards black folks but I have yet to see it.


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## Miss_Luna (Mar 8, 2019)

HappilyLiberal said:


> But Michelle is not a millennial...  so she is not going to have a millennial's approach to dealing with workplace conflict...  Let us know how that worked out for you in thirty years!




I'm 100% aware that Michelle isn't a millennial. I expected some acknowledgement that this happens and wanted to know how she was able to rise above it. If anything, I wanted to get a non-millennial response where I don't have to be snarky or passive aggressive.

The shade is also unnecessary. But, I don't know, check Forbes in 30 years and maybe you'll see how it worked out for me. 

ETA: You know, I think you've just proven my point. I don't have the answers and I know this, but in order to create success for the next 30 years it would be helpful to get advice and opinions from people that have gone through it, but that is not the case.


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 8, 2019)

Miss_Luna said:


> ETA: You know, I think you've just proven my point. I don't have the answers and I know this, but in order to create success for the next 30 years it would be helpful to get advice and opinions from people that have gone through it, but that is not the case.



This is a completely serious response...

Michelle told us how she survived that environment.  The problem is that you do not want to follow the path she took and, on top of that, want to criticize her for the choices she made.  So, what kind of advice are you looking for since the advice she is giving you is unacceptable?


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## Miss_Luna (Mar 9, 2019)

HappilyLiberal said:


> This is a completely serious response...
> 
> Michelle told us how she survived that environment.  The problem is that you do not want to follow the path she took and, on top of that, want to criticize her for the choices she made.  So, what kind of advice are you looking for since the advice she is giving you is unacceptable?



I think you’ve misread or misinterpreted what I was saying in my criticism of the book.
You are right in that I don’t want to be an attorney or work in the community partnership sector, like Michelle. However, her experience in being a “first” at the many tables she’s been able to sit at is an experience that resonates with me. I wanted to learn how she managed to get through those experiences with her integrity in-tact and how she dealt with the intersectionality of being Black and a woman.

I’ve never criticized any of her life decisions and I would never. She has been successful enough that I want to LEARN from her. The “path” you are mentioning is what I’m trying to follow and what I’m stating I did not find in the book. That was my feedback on the book, not a criticism of her life choices.


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## SoopremeBeing (Mar 9, 2019)

FemmeCreole said:


> That being said, having proper decorum is certain spaces is not about assimilating IMO. Everything is not for everywhere. Some attitudes and behaviors are toxic and has done nothing to improve the lives of most of the folks who live that life. There is nothing wrong in trying to get people to do better. It’s not about being preached at and it’s not about doing it to appease white folks.



THANK YOU! This is it in a nutshell. But people would prefer to get mad at everyone else, including the Obamas. I don’t get it.


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## SoopremeBeing (Mar 9, 2019)

FemmeCreole said:


> Barack Obama was responding to a question at the MBK Rising town hall when he talked about twerking and chains etc.
> 
> While at the “MBK! Rising” conference in Oakland, Calif., last week, a student asked Barack Obama how to change the narrative on how men of color are generally perceived. He answered in the Obama-branded way he usually does when he speaks to large groups of young black men—thoughtful, measured, sincere, witty, and veering towards respectability. (The Q&A starts around the 51 minute mark.)
> 
> ...



People took offense because they lack accountability. It’s a constant pass-the-buck attitude. Or they blame Black women. Heaven forbid they look deep inside, and realize how their priorities are screwed up by their own hand. 

I had a mindset of wanting every Black person to succeed and have more power in securing their legacy, but I learned very quickly that you can’t save everybody. The fact that some people still believe in the “being White” aspect when it comes to college, jobs, and money means that some are still grossly unaware of Black history and our achievements in general. Those Black folks that figure it out will be very fruitful. 

I have nothing for those who refuse to wake up.


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## nyeredzi (Mar 9, 2019)

FemmeCreole said:


> Go to the 51 minute mark to see the question and his response


Is this an example of Barack Obama's problematic speech? Can someone clarify what is problematic, preferably with when he said it in that clip (time)? I listened for a few minutes at minute 51 and maybe I'm old and out of touch with millenials too, because I didn't see what was wrong.


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## HappilyLiberal (Mar 9, 2019)

nyeredzi said:


> Is this an example of Barack Obama's problematic speech? Can someone clarify what is problematic, preferably with when he said it in that clip (time)? I listened for a few minutes at minute 51 and maybe I'm old and out of touch with millenials too, because I didn't see what was wrong.



I think part of the problem is that these white millennials are running around here doing whatever and black millennials are looking at that and thinking they can do the same--albeit in a more "black" manner (which is never a good idea).  These kids grew up/are growing up in the post-civil rights era and have bought into the freedom parts of that hook, line, and sinker.  To a certain extent, these pro-black millennials are suffering from the same pathos as the conservative black millenials except their pathos is potentially more dangerous to them humanly, socially, and economically.


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## RoundEyedGirl504 (Mar 9, 2019)

Everything Zen said:


> Thank you @FemmeCreole for the link. He was specifically speaking to the general themes of hip hop music- which we discussed on this board ad nauseum. The way this was being characterized I thought he was tongue lashing the Morehouse students themselves to not run around wearing gold chains and have women twerking around them.
> 
> I’m still open to a potential condescending attitude in his tone towards black folks but I have yet to see it.



She posted the town hall from Oakland that happened recently, not the Morehouse commencement speech from a few years ago, which is what @Southernbella. was referring to. Just an FYI.


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## Everything Zen (Mar 9, 2019)

^^^Thanks. There must be some confusion between the speeches/events bc someone originally said Michelle caught heat for Barack’s recent comments then there was the quote about twerking and gold chains. I’ll definitely check it out as I was confused bc Morehouse wasn’t mentioned anywhere.


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## RoundEyedGirl504 (Mar 10, 2019)

Everything Zen said:


> ^^^Thanks. There must be some confusion between the speeches/events bc someone originally said Michelle caught heat for Barack’s recent comments then there was the quote about twerking and gold chains. I’ll definitely check it out as I was confused bc Morehouse wasn’t mentioned anywhere.



I said that it’s possible Michelle is getting some blow back in this article because there have been a few think pieces written about that Oakland discussion and how people feel the Obamas, specifically Barack tends to be condescending towards black audiences. 

The morehouse speech was a few years back, but there was a similar discussion had then as well.


----------

