# Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come About?



## Shimmie (Dec 5, 2008)

I prefer the term "yield", however, it's not about symantics, it about a Sacred and Undivisive Union between a man and a woman who are joined together as 'One.'

However, I am asking the wives who submit to their husbands, just how far until you reach a limit?   Have you and to what degree have you drawn the line with submission?

Thank you for sharing, as this will serve as a 'learning' tool for many women whether they are married now, or will be married in the future.

For those wives who are having a struggle in this area or have husbands who have taken submission to their heads , take heart for God is the one who makes all the crooked places straight, all the high places low, and crushes into dust, the gates of iron.    God perfects all that concerns you; and makes all things beautiful in His time; all things new.........just for each of you.


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## neenzmj (Dec 5, 2008)

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I have been blessed in the fact that because my husband desires to submit his life to God, there has never been a time where I've had to find out what my limit is.  The only response I could give would be that my limit would come when/if he ever crossed the line of what God commands.  

As God reveals more about this to me, I realize that my first act of submission is to God's word, which in turn causes me to submit to my husband.


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## Shimmie (Dec 5, 2008)

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neenzmj said:


> I have been blessed in the fact that because my husband desires to submit his life to God, there has never been a time where I've had to find out what my limit is. The only response I could give would be that my limit would come when/if he ever crossed the line of what God commands.
> 
> As God reveals more about this to me, I realize that my first act of submission is to God's word, which in turn causes me to submit to my husband.


 
Thank you neenzmj....Beautiful Response.  

I want to 'remove' the stigma and the sting from the term 'submit.'  For it truly is a beautiful element of Marriage. 

God bless you....


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## mrselle (Dec 5, 2008)

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I once heard a pastor say that if a wife has a husband who is submissive to God, then she should have no issue being submissive to her husband.  Some of the best advice I received before I got married was from a friend's mother.  She is the wife of a pastor.  She told me that if me and my husband cannot agree on something then let him make the final decision.  I can't say there has ever been a time when I had to draw the line.  There have been times when we didn't agree and I let my husband make the final decision, but I know my husband is sensitive to the voice of God and if he is doing something wrong or leading our household down the wrong path then God will warn him and he will take heed to His warning.


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## Shimmie (Dec 6, 2008)

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mrselle said:


> I once heard a pastor say that if a wife has a husband who is submissive to God, then she should have no issue being submissive to her husband.
> 
> *Some of the best advice I received before I got married was from a friend's mother. She is the wife of a pastor. She told me that if me and my husband cannot agree on something then let him make the final decision. I can't say there has ever been a time when I had to draw the line. There have been times when we didn't agree and I let my husband make the final decision, but I know my husband is sensitive to the voice of God and if he is doing something wrong or leading our household down the wrong path then God will warn him and he will take heed to His warning.*


Another beautiful answer....    Thank you Mrselle


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## HWAY (Dec 7, 2008)

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I used to pray for a husband who loves God and would take the lead spiritually.  I married a man who knew very little about the bible.  I began attending a new church 2 and a half years ago. My mom advised me to keep praying and attending church by myself.  Last September, while attending a family reunion in SC, we attended a church service, and my husband enjoyed it.  He began attending church with me.  I didn't insist on studying the bible with him.  I allowed him to grow at his own pace.  It also helped that the deacons in the church took a strong interest in him.  He loves God and loves me and has a good heart.  That allows me to be comfortable allowing him to make decisions.  
For instance, we cared for his nephew for over a year.  I was in college and worked full-time, but I made room for this arrangement because it was important to him and he wanted the best for the baby.  My submision made our relationship stronger and made him respect him me more.


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## Shimmie (Dec 7, 2008)

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HWAY said:


> I used to pray for a husband who loves God and would take the lead spiritually. I married a man who knew very little about the bible. I began attending a new church 2 and a half years ago. My mom advised me to keep praying and attending church by myself. Last September, while attending a family reunion in SC, we attended a church service, and my husband enjoyed it. He began attending church with me. I didn't insist on studying the bible with him. I allowed him to grow at his own pace. It also helped that the deacons in the church took a strong interest in him. He loves God and loves me and has a good heart. That allows me to be comfortable allowing him to make decisions.
> For instance, we cared for his nephew for over a year. I was in college and worked full-time, but I made room for this arrangement because it was important to him and he wanted the best for the baby. My submision made our relationship stronger and made him respect him me more.


 
  A beautiful testimony and a big sacrifice to take on your nephew care.   You indeed took the High Way....you took God's Way.  

Blessings on your marriage and may you both continue in  love and devotion towards one another.   In Jesus's name, Amen and Amen. :Rose:


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## chrstndiva (Dec 9, 2008)

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neenzmj said:


> I have been blessed in the fact that because my husband desires to submit his life to God, there has never been a time where I've had to find out what my limit is. The only response I could give would be that my limit would come when/if he ever crossed the line of what God commands.
> 
> As God reveals more about this to me, I realize that my first act of submission is to God's word, which in turn causes me to submit to my husband.


 
I completely agree.  I have also been blessed with a husband who desires to submit his life to God.  I too have the same desire, so most of the time it is not an issue and we are both on the same page.  

However, since neither of us are perfect and we are both very strong individuals, there have been a few times (not often) when I have been concerned about a decision or situation, and during these times I now pray before approaching my husband.  

There is a way to voice concern about things without challenging your husband in an adversarial way so that a discussion follows, not an argument.  I learned the right way after a few stumbles in our first year of marriage (he didn't hear me if I came at him wrong and vice versa).  This became a time for us to really talk to each other about God's vision for our family, for him to relieve my concerns if unwarranted or for me to point out something that perhaps he did not consider.  Sometimes we end up praying together about the decision or situation and it only brings us closer together, but regardless of the outcome, I support my husband.


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## Shimmie (Dec 9, 2008)

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chrstndiva said:


> I completely agree. I have also been blessed with a husband who desires to submit his life to God. I too have the same desire, so most of the time it is not an issue and we are both on the same page.
> 
> However, since neither of us are perfect and we are both very strong individuals, there have been a few times (not often) when I have been concerned about a decision or situation, and during these times I now pray before approaching my husband.
> 
> There is a way to voice concern about things without challenging your husband in an adversarial way so that a discussion follows, not an argument. I learned the right way after a few stumbles in our first year of marriage (he didn't hear me if I came at him wrong and vice versa). This became a time for us to really talk to each other about God's vision for our family, for him to relieve my concerns if unwarranted or for me to point out something that perhaps he did not consider. Sometimes we end up praying together about the decision or situation and it only brings us closer together, but regardless of the outcome, I support my husband.


I like how you shared this.....

"came at him wrong'   and also that you shared you are both 'strong individuals.'

Your words 'triggered' my spirit.  I fit this exactly.   I am very strong and I can come wrong.  And this is something that I have to allow God to work on with me, as He prepares me for marriage.   

I have to be honest, that I have not been 'willing' to let go of my individual mind-set, my independence.   All ready, I've pre-battled in my mind about somethings that I will have to have and things that I will not have.   And yet I wonder how can I still have my way without making waves or as you shared, 'coming at him wrong'.    It's not my way, is it? 

Thank you, again, for the Lord has used ou to answer something that has been bothering me for quite a while.... releasing me, yielding to the Lord.


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## jerseygurl (Dec 10, 2008)

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As a single woman, I find that the word "submit" has been used to subdue women for ages.The way it ws intended in the bible is not the way it is been used today. I don't believe that I would be averse to submitting to my husband but if he always uses that phrase when he wants his way, then I have a problem with it.

I was in a relationship last year and the dude kept throwing that phrase at me everytime I would call him out on something that he did. So anyways, It got to a point where I had to break up with him.

The word is not the problem, it's the context that it's been used in (JMO)


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## chrstndiva (Dec 10, 2008)

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Shimmie said:


> I like how you shared this.....
> 
> "came at him wrong' and also that you shared you are both 'strong individuals.'
> 
> ...


 
Hi Shimmie,

You don't have to let go completely of your individual mind set or independence.   You don't want to lose who God created you to be in your marriage.  God did not make a mistake when He made you a strong woman.  The goal is not to blend into marriage, the goal is to come together with all that God has gifted both you and your husband-to-be (flaws and all ) to become stronger together.

For me, I had to learn the following:
1) How to communicate with my husband in a healthy way regardless of the topic.  Sticking to the issues: not attacking, blaming, being more sensitive to his point of view
2) Changing my mentality from "I" to "we".  This was a big one.
3) Showing appreciation and giving credit to him for all the good things that he does. (It encourages him to do more. )

I am still me, and he is still who he is.  Our marriage isn't perfect, but we are really happy.  We have just decided that whatever comes our way, we will come together and work it out together.

I pray that you will never lose Shimmie, because as the word says in Ephesians 2:10
*“For we(Shimmie) are(is) God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us(Shimmie) to do.”*


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## Southernbella. (Dec 10, 2008)

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mrselle said:


> I once heard a pastor say that if a wife has a husband who is submissive to God, then she should have no issue being submissive to her husband. Some of the best advice I received before I got married was from a friend's mother. She is the wife of a pastor. She told me that if me and my husband cannot agree on something then let him make the final decision. I can't say there has ever been a time when I had to draw the line. There have been times when we didn't agree and I let my husband make the final decision, but I know my husband is sensitive to the voice of God and if he is doing something wrong or leading our household down the wrong path then God will warn him and he will take heed to His warning.


 
Great post!

Once I stopped fighting it, I realized that submission is more a spirit than an action. Once I focused on having a submissive spirit, I saw an improvement in my marriage. I can only think of one time I've had to submit to something I was deadset against, but it worked out. God only wanted my out of the way so HE could speak to my dh, and my dh listened.

I think I always had the wrong idea about submission. It doesn't mean being weak. My dh loves how outspoken and opinionated I am, but having a submissive spirit means knowing when it's time to be quiet and keep your opinions to yourself. Actually, I'm still working on that.


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## jerseygurl (Dec 10, 2008)

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Southernbella. said:


> Great post!
> 
> Once I stopped fighting it, I realized that submission is more a spirit than an action. Once I focused on having a submissive spirit, I saw an improvement in my marriage. I can only think of one time I've had to submit to something I was deadset against, but it worked out. God only wanted my out of the way so HE could speak to my dh, and my dh listened.
> 
> I think I always had the wrong idea about submission. It doesn't mean being weak. My dh loves how outspoken and opinionated I am, but having a submissive spirit means knowing when it's time to be quiet and keep your opinions to yourself. Actually, I'm still working on that.


 
That in a nutshell should what it's about not physical submission. In my case the guy wanted to control my life literally


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## Shimmie (Dec 10, 2008)

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chrstndiva said:


> Hi Shimmie,
> 
> You don't have to let go completely of your individual mind set or independence. You don't want to lose who God created you to be in your marriage. God did not make a mistake when He made you a strong woman. The goal is not to blend into marriage, the goal is to come together with all that God has gifted both you and your husband-to-be (flaws and all ) to become stronger together.
> 
> ...


This is making me cry.  Ephesians 2 is one of my Hallmark Scriptures that the Lord gave me years ago when God said He was preparing me...   

We are brought nigh unto one another by the blood of the Lamb.  "Fitly joined"..............unto one another.  

God's dealing with me and I always know why.  Whenever He's making room for something new in my life. I've been resisting.

Both you and Mrselle have shared some things that hit home with me.  

  chrstndiva, thank you so much.  You have an annointing upon you that gently discerns and sees through the walls that hearts hide behind.   You have a Ministry in this gift. You saw through me.  

When I started this thread, I was 'running' and the answers caught up with me anyway.    

To God be the glory...


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## missjanelleb (Dec 16, 2008)

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Shimmie said:


> I prefer the term "yield", however, it's not about symantics, it about a Sacred and Undivisive Union between a man and a woman who are joined together as 'One.'
> 
> However, I am asking the wives who submit to their husbands, just how far until you reach a limit? Have you and to what degree have you drawn the line with submission?
> 
> ...


 
My pastor started breaking this down on Sunday. Here are the cliff notes: Submit means to come under. When you marry, you are now under the covering of your husband. He is the head. 

There is power is submission

The man is the head, the woman is the heart. A head with no heart is dead.  Think about when your dad, or father figure did something to uspet your mom; what was the atmosphere in the house like? If you knew, you were likely upset with him for upsetting your mom.


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## Shimmie (Dec 16, 2008)

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missdh12 said:


> My pastor started breaking this down on Sunday. Here are the cliff notes: Submit means to come under. When you marry, you are now under the covering of your husband. He is the head.
> 
> There is power is submission
> 
> The man is the head, the woman is the heart. A head with no heart is dead. Think about when your dad, or father figure did something to uspet your mom; what was the atmosphere in the house like? If you knew, you were likely upset with him for upsetting your mom.


Wow!     missdh.   This is very warming to my heart.   For the head without the 'Heart' is dead.  

I will treasure this.  I'm so used to being 'my own boss'; and I'm being 'broken' and yet strengthened by each of you here.   I cannot thank you enough.     

I thought I was helping 'others' here who share a 'challenge' with the term/word 'submit'.    But now that I'm becoming closer to that 'position', I find that I'm the one with the problem.  

So, to each of you who have shared so much with me, here's my heart, :heart2:


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## SilentRuby (Dec 16, 2008)

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I'm thankful to the OP for starting this thread because recently I have been going back and forth over this topic in my head. 

I must say all of these posts have been on point. 

I feared getting into a marriage where the husband uses "submission" in the wrong context. I, too, felt like some men nowadays think submission is where women just supposed to do anything and everything the man says without having a say while the man does whatever he wants. 

But I remember what my mom told me and what you ladies just said about if your husband is submitting to the Lord then you should have no problem submitting to him. 

Great topic


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## Shimmie (Dec 16, 2008)

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Pocket_Sized♥♥♥ said:


> I'm thankful to the OP for starting this thread because recently I have been going back and forth over this topic in my head.
> 
> I must say all of these posts have been on point.
> 
> ...


  I thank YOU, Pocket Size.  

I didn't have a 'problem' with this 'word' until recently when it has 'hit' me personally.      God has been dealing with me about changes in my life and this is one of them that I have been struggling with.    

It's one thing for God to use me to minster in marriages, but now I'm being ministered to by each of you and I'm not even married, yet.   But it's so close; and I've been in a place of assessment, as to what am I willing to change/give up in my life.   'What will I still have that's mine?  I'm so used to being in control.   Coming/going when / where and as I please.  I never thought about it much until now.   

Marriage is a big, major adjustment.... 

The word 'submit' ... when you're in love, sounds easy and you don't really pay any attention to it.   But when you are confronted with it......

a whole nuther thing..... 

I'm so blessed to have Jesus in this with me.  And so is 'he'......


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## Loves Harmony (Dec 16, 2008)

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HWAY said:


> I used to pray for a husband who loves God and would take the lead spiritually. I married a man who knew very little about the bible. I began attending a new church 2 and a half years ago. My mom advised me to keep praying and attending church by myself. Last September, while attending a family reunion in SC, we attended a church service, and my husband enjoyed it. He began attending church with me. I didn't insist on studying the bible with him. I allowed him to grow at his own pace. It also helped that the deacons in the church took a strong interest in him. He loves God and loves me and has a good heart. That allows me to be comfortable allowing him to make decisions.
> For instance, we cared for his nephew for over a year. I was in college and worked full-time, but I made room for this arrangement because it was important to him and he wanted the best for the baby. My submision made our relationship stronger and made him respect him me more.


 
 Sounds liek what im going through right now. i want the both of us to attend but i cant force him. I will continue to pray for the both of us and hopefully he will attend.


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## Shimmie (Dec 16, 2008)

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Loves Harmony said:


> Sounds liek what im going through right now. i want the both of us to attend but i cant force him. I will continue to pray for the both of us and hopefully he will attend.


Loves Harmony, I will pray for you and your husband too.  

Keep these words in your heart:  

_"Love follows Love..."  _

Your husband loves you and your love for him will draw him only nearer to you and not far apart.  

"For you have been brought nigh unto one another by the Blood of Jesus." (Ephesians 2).

Keep praising God and praise your husband; remain his Cheerleader.  One day, you will look up and he'll be driving you to Church..... to stay.... and worship beside you, for always.

God bless you both. Happy Love and Life together, forever as one in Jesus.   

Father God, It thank you for this beautiful couple and their marriage, in Jesus's Name, Amen and Amen.


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## HWAY (Dec 17, 2008)

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The man is the head, but the woman is the neck.  Pay attention to couples who have been married for over twenty years.  My mother always supports my father and they have stood as a united front for 43 years.  My mom carries herself as a queen and my father treats her as such.  They disagree but I have never witnessed a violent argument.  


Never speak negatively against your husband, not even to yourself.  As Shimmie said, be your husband's cheerleader.  Encourage him to be the best person he can be.


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## ladyofvirtue (Dec 17, 2008)

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Hey Shim,

Even though I can see much growth in this area, I'm still, "ahem", learning how to submit to my DH.

Cause, just sometimes,  I'm like this:

erplexed       

I'm a very strong willed lady, so submitting to him, in the beginning of my marriage, was very difficult for me to do.

Through much prayer, Bible study, noticing how blessed I am to have him in comparison to a lot of other men, AND conviction of The Holy Spirit, The Lord has helped me to grow quite a bit in this area.

In the beginning, he used to call me Mrs. Drill Sargeant.  

Now, I'm known as Dearie or Poopsie.


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## Shimmie (Dec 17, 2008)

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ladyofvirtue said:


> Hey Shim,
> 
> Even though I can see much growth in this area, I'm still, "ahem", learning how to submit to my DH.
> 
> ...


Poopsie.... that's so cute.   

I didn't become so strong willed until I was saved.  We were 'trained' that way to withstand in prayer, intercession, and fasting.  We were truly taught to fight against our flesh and our will and not yield to the temptations to be distracted and give up; but to stand steadfast in faith and in prayer.

Now, I'm not blaming God for my strong temperment      

But ah-ruh....  

Blessings upon you and your wonderful marriage and your wonderful husband... "Mr. Poopsie".


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## missykeyana (Dec 17, 2008)

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As I went deeper into God's Word, it became easier.  As long as he is submitting to the Lord, there should be no problem.  In fact, it becomes a joy as I realized that God has put me in the earthly care of such a man.

Under no circumstances would I submit to a man who is willfully rebelling against God.  In fact, I'd go as far as saying that he's breaking his marriage vows.


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## Shimmie (Dec 18, 2008)

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missykeyana said:


> As I went deeper into God's Word, it became easier. As long as he is submitting to the Lord, there should be no problem.
> 
> *In fact, it becomes a joy as I realized that God has put me in the earthly care of such a man.*
> 
> Under no circumstances would I submit to a man who is willfully rebelling against God. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that he's breaking his marriage vows.


Thank you misskeyana (beautiful name, Keyana :Rose.  

And what you said above (bolded) is one of the most honoring words that a wife can say of her husband.   It belongs in a card.   

Such as:

_To My Husband:_

_When  I first became your wife, I always thought that as a woman of strength, that I had it all together;  that I could always follow my own direction, my own path._

_Yet you have shown me what real strength is, with how much has been asked of you as a Man.  _

_I've watched you take ahold of each challenge set before you;  I've watched you withstand every command upon your energy, your faith,  and yes, my Dearest Darling, even the commands upon your love._

_And Dearest One, _

_You never waivered, you never gave in, you never chose to walk away.   With me and all of love's demands, you've chosen to stay.  _

_Therefore each day, My Love,  _

_*I have realized* and received with much Joy *that God has put me in the earthly care of such a man...*_

_Such a Man, as you.  _

_I love you, My Love; with all of my heart, I love you and I always will.  _

_My Dearest Husband, _

_"Wherever you lead, I will follow; with you I will go.   For we are 'One' in this life and forever.    _

_In Jesus's Name, Amen._

* *

The front of the Card:

:Rose:  *"Our Footsteps are One" * :Rose:


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## Naemone (Dec 18, 2008)

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Shimmie said:


> Thank you misskeyana (beautiful name, Keyana :Rose.
> 
> And what you said above (bolded) is one of the most honoring words that a wife can say of her husband. It belongs in a card.
> 
> ...


 
Lovely!!!


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## Shimmie (Dec 18, 2008)

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Naemone said:


> Lovely!!!


 
Thank you  

Thanks to each one of you here, I'm growing in the Lord, with this virtue named "submission"...... :blush3:  

I'm going to create a card and save it for an 'appointed time' ...... just for him.  :Rose:


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## missykeyana (Dec 19, 2008)

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 Aw Shimmie,  that was so sweet!


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## Aggie (Dec 23, 2008)

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Oooooh I'm not married yet,  but I am subscribing to read later because I do want to get married pretty soon.


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## melodies815 (Dec 26, 2008)

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Shimmie,

I was walking around my kitchen the morning, and I thought of you.  I wondered how you are doing and decided that I need to utilize the Christian forum a little more since I am on here lurking (and sometimes writing) so much.  It's wonderful to "see" you again.  

This is a wonderful thread!

To start, I just want to make it plain that I feel wierd writing this, and I actually deleted it once, but then came back because I feel like maybe this will be helpful.  I really hope that it is and that my words come across the way I mean them.

I guess, since there has been so much said already, I can just tell a bit of my submission journey and tell the blessing of it.  This is what submission looks like in our home and for our personalities.

When I got married, I wanted to submit.  I wanted my husband to be happy with our marriage and for it to be a haven for him. I just didn't know _how _to do the things that pleased him.  I knew what to do, but just not the manner of how he wanted it.  So...I took time to learn his personality, find out the little things that make him smile out of the blue, and learned how to cultivate those things in my character.  I am a submissive wife, and my husband is trustworthy and leads our home well.  I pray that we always remain submitted to the Word of God because it's a lack of submission to the Father that causes any unbalance in our lives.  We don't take that for granted!!!

This does NOT mean that I do everything he says immediately or lie down with no opinion; sometimes I think he says ludicrous things (just like he thinks I do the same!) and I have to pray and figure out when or *if *to say something to him about it.  Most times, it only takes prayer either for me to realize I am dead wrong or for the Lord to correct Him.  There are also times when he needs to be confronted about an issue, and I have to go to him boldly but in love and gentleness (speaking to him the way I want to be spoken to).

It's taken trial and error, and though we are still learning one another and hopefully always will be doing so...we are at peace with one another.  I really enjoy marriage and I deeply enjoy my husband.  I really, really, really enjoy being married...and it has not been all perfect.  It's just nice to walk beside another imperfect human being who is trying his best to walk like Christ did...

Submission, for me, came easily, and this is not a boast...but it is a truth and it is *only *because of Christ.  I WANTED to be led by my Sweetie and to watch him become the man God created Him to be.  More than he is my husband, he is my best friend and brother in the Lord.  I see his face sometimes when he does something husband-ly and it makes me want to cry for joy.  My submission teaches him something about how he is to protect me...and his leadership makes me want to submit even more.

By submission, I mean things like:
*  Making a healthy dinner nearly every night and planning my week so that little gets in the way of that.
*  Being available to talk anytime he wants to do so.
*  Being quiet when he asks (or tells) me to do so.  His job is stressful, and sometimes, all he wants is to just be still and lie quietly.
*  Initiating Bible study or being ready when he initiates - NO MATTER WHAT I AM DOING!
*  Praying over him, his mind, his emotions, every single day in his hearing
*  Encouraging him to be more gentle, more kind, more patient, and less of a "hunter" inside of our home.
*  Taking most of my emotional issues to Christ ALONE and to hubby only when they truly involve him and he can be of some real/active help outside of listening.
*  Liking a couple of the things he really likes (PS3 and cars) and respecting the things I don't really enjoy (deep sea fishing and pets)
* Finding the courage to not back down off of the areas where his character needs to grow. This is the hardest for me because I HATE to see him upset or angry, but sometimes...every now and then...I have to disrupt the normally scheduled program and just treat him like a brother in the church who is acting out.  It's not hard for me to tell him the truth, but it is hard for me to do it WHEN it needs to be done.  He doesn't have trouble doing it for me, however...
*  Submitting even when he is not being a good guy.  We have had days when he was really being crazy, and I had to still love deeply, still be available physically (YES M'AM, I said it!  lol), still speak kindly, still serve, and still let him know that I stand beside him as he grows in the Lord.  Submitting to a good man is easy.  It doesn't become character that God can use until it is inconvenient...and I am not talking about a man who beats a woman or smokes crack and puts her life in jeopardy.  I am, however, talking about still loving and maintaining character when it makes no sense to do so..when he has snapped or raised his voice or done something unfair.  Love has a way of covering sin, smoldering the flame of it, and putting it out in one way or another.

God is sovereign that way, and I have watched Him be faithful to me in this precious marriage of mine. One day, when hubby says so, I will have to tell our whole testimony....

I need to go back and read this entire thread at some point because I know it's going to bless me.  I pray that all the single women who want to be wives will notice just how precious the Body of Christ is to the Lord God and the lengths that God went to to draw her close to Him.  It will give you a great picture of how the husband and wife are supposed to be in marriage.  

Oh yeah...I forgot to mention that Dexter is submissive as well...though the roles are a bit different, wives and husband submit one to another in the Lord.

Have I just written a long, useless, post?  Sorry if I repeated everything that everyone else has already said...

Be encouraged in the Lord alone,
Christi

(Sorry this was so long.  I feel wierd posting something like this...)


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## Aggie (Dec 26, 2008)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



melodies815 said:


> Shimmie,
> 
> I was walking around my kitchen the morning, and I thought of you. I wondered how you are doing and decided that I need to utilize the Christian forum a little more since I am on here lurking (and sometimes writing) so much. It's wonderful to "see" you again.
> 
> ...


 
WOW!!! Thank you melodies815 for this post. I definitely can learn something from this whole thread. I am not married yet, however, I am in a new relationship with a man who truly loves the Lord. I have not been in a serious relationship for a few years now and I need to learn again as much as I can about this wonderful gift called "submission" to a man. 

*Shimmie, thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this thread. This is one subscribed thread I am keeping*.


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## melodies815 (Dec 28, 2008)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

Yes, Aggie...this thread is the bomb.  I cannot believe it took me so long to get here and kind of make it a part of what I do when I come to LHCF.  *spanking myself*  I think my biggest issue is that I come here in spurts...in for a couple of months and out for a couple.  I feel like I Lose much when I am gone...

..but I have found a home.

Shimmie, I am so glad you started this thread.  It is wonderful!!!  I love your prayer too.

Blessings,
Christi


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## Shimmie (Dec 29, 2008)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



melodies815 said:


> Shimmie,
> 
> I was walking around my kitchen the morning, and I thought of you. I wondered how you are doing and decided that I need to utilize the Christian forum a little more since I am on here lurking (and sometimes writing) so much. It's wonderful to "see" you again.
> 
> ...


Melodie...... Beautiful wife of 'Dexter'     It's wonderful to 'hear' from you.   

Thank you so much for coming in here to share this beautiful testimony.  It gives me much peace and joy.   And 'no', it is not too long; it is what God intended for you to share.  

Coming from a woman of God such as yourself and with your awesome responsibilities as wife, mother, and vessel of the Lord, I cannot take for granted all of which you have shared from your heart.   

I am also honored that you 'thought' of me.  Wow.... thank you so much. 

Every word in your post touches my heart, especially this...

_* Praying over him, his mind, his emotions, every single day *in his hearing...*_

Melodie, the key words are _'in his hearing'_...   for faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.  Our husbands need to 'hear' what we pray as much as to hear 'that' we pray for them.   It feeds life into his spirit as he goes about his day and out into the fields of battle that await him to be conquered.   

For each day that shines upon him, is also a day where he must prove himself to be 'the man'.  The man who can care for me, for our 'family' and for himself as well.   The man who can counter the pitfalls and the snares of the fowler, bearing his armour against all odds, and yield to victory;  Victory which at times feel as distant as from the east is to the west. 

The man who yet still tries to overcome all odds and yet come unto his wife and be tender, yet strong, to love and be loved in all of his strengths and all of his weaknesses; to have someone who yet says, "I Believe in You"... no matter what you do or not do, "I Believe in You', all the days of our life, as One. 

This is what I am coming to see as 'submit'... to 'Believe in Him' and to Trust Him in his most taxing task of his life.  His call to be a man, to be husband 'all' to me as his wife.   I submit to 'Believe' in him, in everyway, but 'none.'

No other woman has the gift and the priviledge to do thus and such, as the one he has chosen to be his wife.   

I'm learning...from the Holy Spirit by way of each of you and the beautiful women who have shared in this thread.  I am learning.  For God has awakened my soul to yield to His control and not mine.  

For what did Jesus do?  He submitted to the will of God our Father and He won.   From His sole act of obedience, we all did.  :heart2:


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## Shimmie (Dec 29, 2008)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



Aggie said:


> WOW!!! Thank you melodies815 for this post. I definitely can learn something from this whole thread. I am not married yet, however, I am in a new relationship with a man who truly loves the Lord. I have not been in a serious relationship for a few years now and I need to learn again as much as I can about this wonderful gift called "submission" to a man.
> 
> *Shimmie, thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this thread. This is one subscribed thread I am keeping*.


 
Hi Aggie,   God bless you and I 'thank' YOU.  

You and each of the ladies here have truly made this a beautiful thread.  I so appreciate each of you from the bottom of my heart.   I'm learning a lot and I will treasure each word as a gift from Heaven.


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## melodies815 (Jan 2, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

Update:  Being that we are here in Britain for his current tour of duty, it's really hard for us to find a good church.  I won't list all the issues because they are irrelevant.  It's just that we are in the countryside...and church with good Word is not anywhere nearby that we have been able to find.

So....we did our New Year's study at home and fellowshipped together.  Come to find out that hubby is very clear on the areas of submission where I need some work.  

The Lord has been dealing with me about pride and how I think my way of doing things is the best...and if I do something he told me to do...well...I am the bomb.     It's horrible because my intentions are good, but I ALWAYS FALL SHORT!!!!

So...this is what he said:  You cook and clean and encourage and challenge me to be Godly...and you are soft-toned and all of that.  I would not want any other wife in this world....but when I ask you to pick up stuff around your office, you always give me a REASON why it's there and also tell me what I didn't do as well...like I need to be reminded of what I did not do.  When I tell you something is bothering me, I just want you to go get it straight.  No explanations.  No excuses...know what I mean?"

I can't even begin to tell you how devastated I was.  I started to tell him that the reason why I do that is because I want to point out how hypocritical of him it is to tell me to do something when he has not done it...but before I could open my mouth, I got convicted.  I was about to do it again...

Instead, I said, "Okay.  I have to work on that.  I'm sorry honey."

Later, in the bathroom....Yes...all of that!  lol

Ya'll, pray for me, as I will pray for all of us.  This submission thing...God is funny to me;  He knows EXACTLY what it takes to get us to submit and to grow.

Back to the drawing board....

The Lord's love to us all, and Happy New Year, everyone!!!

cj


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## ladyofvirtue (Jan 3, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

^^^My DH loves to quote to me how it is indeed Biblical for me to submit to him too.  When he reminds me of this, he almost sounds like an opera star, singing with the voice of an angel!"

Yes, it's true.  I am to submit to him.  But, the husband is to love his wife *as Christ loved the church*, *as Christ loved the church, as Christ loved the church. * (note the repetition).

It just keeps reminding us that _WE BOTH_ need help from The Lord to help us be the husband and wife that is pleasing to Him.   

So, DH will read to me what the Bible says a husband is to be.  And I read to him what the Bible says a wife is to be.

It has really made a difference!


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## Shimmie (Jan 4, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

Melodie and Lady of Virtue.... 

Thank you both so much    The two of you just don't know how much your posts have ministered to me.   In both of your posts, you have 'echoed' what has been in my heart for a long time.   

*sigh*............ 

What you have shared shows me that I will encounter that 'struggle' with him. It's a struggle that I've feared.  The struggle of his inmperfections vs his expectations of my submission to him as he is.    

Both of you know that I am a fire ball; you've seen my posts on this forum....    And I KNOW I'm going to want to 'fire' back at him...I know this.  

God is preparing me.  And I thank Him so much for what you've done to help in His preparation.   

My heart and love to both of you....In Prayer, we 'Rock and Rule'...


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## NappturalWomyn (Jan 4, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

I am a single woman, and I think it was meant for me to read this thread. I decided to subscribe to this thread, because all the great information here I can use in my future married life (and it is in my future). I was guilty of coming off to men wrong in relationships for years. I don't want to do that anymore, and I pray for the temperance therein. 

I believe that people have misinterpreted the word 'submit' for some time, and that is where the strife comes from. When it is my turn to be concerned of things with my husband, I understand that he is the head of the house, and I am fine with that. I am ready for that. 

I can be a complete, independent woman in a sense and still allow my husband to be at the head. 'Submit' does not have to mean bow down.


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## Loves Harmony (Jan 4, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

This is some wonderful info...


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## Shimmie (Jan 4, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



NappturalWomyn said:


> I am a single woman, and I think it was meant for me to read this thread. I decided to subscribe to this thread, because all the great information here I can use in my future married life (and it is in my future). I was guilty of coming off to men wrong in relationships for years. I don't want to do that anymore, and I pray for the temperance therein.
> 
> I believe that people have misinterpreted the word 'submit' for some time, and that is where the strife comes from. When it is my turn to be concerned of things with my husband, I understand that he is the head of the house, and I am fine with that. I am ready for that.
> 
> *I can be a complete, independent woman in a sense and still allow my husband to be at the head. 'Submit' does not have to mean bow down*.


This is beautifully shared and it really blesses me.  Thank you. 

It reminds me, I have a wardrobe full of beautiful skirts and dresses that I will need to start wearing, and let him _wear the pants_ in our family.


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## SvelteVelvet (Feb 18, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

Love this thread! Bump!


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## Shimmie (Jul 17, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

   

Bumping  for Saved06  :Rose:

The beautiful wives in our forum shared some truly wonderful support and I am so thankful for each and everyone of them.  

I pray God's blessings upon all of them and their wonderful husbands, forever love, peace and joy for them, always 'One.' 

  ​


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## Ladybelle (Jul 19, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

The ladies have thus far shared some really beautiful, helpful, and insightful answers to the question posed and I felt compelled to share mine. 

I've stated this before somewhat on another thread, but I really took the time to think about the answer I'm about to give.

It took me some time (first year of marriage) to completely submit to dh. I had to pray about it, pray about it some more and I even fasted about it. Here is the conclusion I have come to

1) - *unwillingness to submit to DH completely lined up with an unwillingness to submit to God.  It's also evidence of some type of fear.* I was afraid to completely submit to DH- the what if's bombarded my mind. What if he takes all of our money and loses it? what if i have to leave in the middle of the night? what if he doesn't know how to lead? I thought that nobody could completely take care of me, the way I took care of me.   I had to get to the place where I handed it all over to God--I handed My husband and my marriage over to GOd and said Lord, I surrender all. Let your will be done. And I know when God tells me that he will never see the righteous forsaken or beg for bread, he is not a man the he can lie.  *I know that no matter what my husband does, God has it all under control and because I submit to God by submitting to my husband, God protects me and us*.  What's so great about it, is that my husband does take better care of me than I did. I know that's because it's not just my husband taking care of me, it's God.  The change in my marriage has been profound. 

2) *It takes just as much strength to submit as it does to lead.* God calls us all to be servants in some form or fashion & in marriage the order of things is clear - the husband is to serve the wife by providing,protecting & cherishing her, the wife is to serve the husband by submitting to him & respecting him, they are to serve each other by submitting themselves to one another in everything. They need each other and one is no greater than the other, the head is useless without a neck.  As a helpmate to dh, i understand just how important I am, his ability to see clearly is partially dependent on my ability to submit to his vision. 

3)*First and foremost, I submit to God.* I know others have said this, but i think this is such a vital component that it is worth repeating.  I pray for my husband and marriage often. I also take a lot of my worries/concerns to God without ever mentioning a word to dh and God always, always works it out.  I mean from the simple things to my husband being consistent in helping me out around the house, to his ability to provide and how to deal with dh effectively when he is in one of his moods. 

4) eta: choose a man who is also submitted to God. It will save one a whole lot of heartache and unneccessary strife, confusion and such. 

 Thanks for starting this, it was truly a nice thread!


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## CandiceC (Jul 19, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



asuperwoman said:


> The ladies have thus far shared some really beautiful, helpful, and insightful answers to the question posed and I felt compelled to share mine.
> 
> I've stated this before somewhat on another thread, but I really took the time to think about the answer I'm about to give.
> 
> ...



Thanks for this. Yes. Unwillingness to submit can stem from fear. I know about those _What ifs? _

For example DH said today he wanted to do something with the landscape lighting this week, although I'm concerned with the way we have it set up currently. I'd like for an electrician to check it out first. I just got done praying and included in that was for the Lord to protect our home. I will suggest getting an electrician and leave it up to God to cover the situation.


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## aa9746 (Jul 20, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



asuperwoman said:


> The ladies have thus far shared some really beautiful, helpful, and insightful answers to the question posed and I felt compelled to share mine.
> 
> I've stated this before somewhat on another thread, but I really took the time to think about the answer I'm about to give.
> 
> ...


 
Very insightful and good conclusions.


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## Ladybelle (Jul 20, 2009)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



CandiceC said:


> Thanks for this. Yes. Unwillingness to submit can stem from fear. I know about those _What ifs? _
> 
> For example DH said today he wanted to do something with the landscape lighting this week, although I'm concerned with the way we have it set up currently. I'd like for an electrician to check it out first. I just got done praying and included in that was for the Lord to protect our home. *I will suggest getting an electrician and leave it up to God to cover the situation*.


 
That's pretty much all you can do, pray about it - make any suggestions/comments you need to in love & then leave it to God to cover the situation.  The same thing holds true with everything else. I'm so glad I finally realized that!


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## Laela (Jun 1, 2010)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

Bumping for Bess....


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## Laela (Jun 2, 2010)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

I'm going through this wonderful thread...and I agree with you on this.  This Scripture shows the parallel between Marriage and God's covenant with His people.  *

(Ephesians 5:21-26)
*
_Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.    

Wives, submit to your husbands     as if to the Lord. For a husband is "head" of the wife           as Christ is "head" of the church. __He is saviour of the "body." Like the church submits to Christ, wives should submit to their husbands,* in everything.*

Husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church.

He gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing her with water and the word



_


ladyofvirtue said:


> ^^^My DH loves to quote to me how it is indeed Biblical for me to submit to him too.  When he reminds me of this, he almost sounds like an opera star, singing with the voice of an angel!"
> 
> Yes, it's true.  I am to submit to him.  But, the husband is to love his wife *as Christ loved the church*, *as Christ loved the church, as Christ loved the church. * (note the repetition).
> 
> ...


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## CinnaMocha (Jun 2, 2010)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

I needed to come across this thread...And Shimmie whenever you return, just know that your words meant a lot to me, and lots of clarity came just when I thought it wouldn't.  Thanks...


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## sithembile (Jun 7, 2010)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*

I just wanted to share that this thread has been a rebuke for me, and I thank God for your testimonies. I realise that I've become more argumentative and dismissive of my husband and, many times, my inability to submit comes from pride and fear and ultimately, it means that I am not trusting God, which is a serious issue. 

I realise that I need to repent, and take my marriage before God in prayer daily. I know what the issues are which are causing me to be proud and also fearful, but we've not been able to resolve them on our own. The only thing I can do is bring them before the Lord daily so that I am able to truly submit (in heart and in deed) to my husband and therefore to the Lord.


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## Ladybelle (Jun 7, 2010)

*Re: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands: What Do You Submit to and How Does it Come Ab*



sithembile said:


> I just wanted to share that this thread has been a rebuke for me, and I thank God for your testimonies. I realise that I've become more argumentative and dismissive of my husband and, many times, my inability to submit comes from pride and fear and ultimately, it means that I am not trusting God, which is a serious issue.
> 
> I realise that I need to repent, and take my marriage before God in prayer daily. I know what the issues are which are causing me to be proud and also fearful, but we've not been able to resolve them on our own. The only thing I can do is bring them before the Lord daily so that I am able to truly submit (in heart and in deed) to my husband and therefore to the Lord.


 
((hugs)) The conclusions you have come to is what will bring about the change in your marriage. In fact, it won't be long now. God will bless your obedience to HIM. Psalm 68:6 says that God sets the solitary in families, he brings out those who are bound -which pretty much means one person in the family/marriage can be the one  who will turn things around. That person is you!  Blessings on your resolve to be a better wife and I pray all goes well for you.


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## delitefulmane (Jan 11, 2017)

Bump!!  

 I am really struggling in this area. It seems that just like someone said up thread, my issue may be coming from me not allowing myself to fully trust God!

I'd like to hear more testimonies if any ladies are willing to share!


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## Shimmie (Jan 11, 2017)

delitefulmane said:


> Bump!!
> 
> I am really struggling in this area. It seems that just like someone said up thread, my issue may be coming from me not allowing myself to fully trust God!
> 
> I'd like to hear more testimonies if any ladies are willing to share!



I forgot that I was the one who started this thread.   

What's da' matter Angel?   You are still a newly wed...still on your honeymoon.    Hubby won't submit?   Well, he gon' learn today.   

Just kidding....


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## delitefulmane (Jan 12, 2017)

@Shimmie I don't know if we are still in the "honeymoon" phase because I feel like REAL just got real when I had our daughter. 
I don't know if it is me and my unwillingness to submit or my husband that needs a change. I remember in the movie _War Room,_ Ms.Clara told Elizabeth that she needed to work on herself and let God work on her husband.

I think this may be the case for me.


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## Farida (Jan 23, 2017)

Everyone loves to talk about women submitting but not how the same chapter says for men to love their wives as Christ loved the church which is a TALL order.

If a man expects submission he needs to be ready to make his wife his alpha and omega; to die for her. To always do what is best for her tbat will honor and develop her. What woman would resist a man like that?


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