# Should un-married Chrisitan women have sex outside marriage?



## DayStar (Feb 3, 2008)

and is it wrong to engage in sex outside of marriage in this culture/religion?

If this has been discussed...please ignore this thread...
Im not chrisitian btw....just having conversations with ppl on here and in IRL, i decided to pose the question.


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## Farida (Feb 3, 2008)

The short answer is...NO.

Please clarify though, your post seems to be asking what it is the religion actually teaches, while your heading/title/topic seems like you are asking about personal opinions, religion/bible/culture aside. Do you want both or am I misunderstanding you?


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## DayStar (Feb 3, 2008)

both


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## DayStar (Feb 3, 2008)

anyone else?


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## Nice & Wavy (Feb 4, 2008)

ebonybelle said:


> and is it wrong to engage in sex outside of marriage in this culture/religion?
> 
> If this has been discussed...please ignore this thread...
> Im not chrisitian btw....just having conversations with ppl on here and in IRL, i decided to pose the question.


 
The Bible says that "no one" should engage in sex outside of marriage...it's called "Fornication."  God was speaking to mankind, whom He created.

Being a Christian is not a religion...its choosing to live your life for Jesus Christ and to emulate His life in and through you.  If you choose to live your life for Jesus Christ, then you will make a decision NOT to do anything that would cause you to sin in this way.

HTH and answers your question.

Blessings.


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## DayStar (Feb 4, 2008)

thank you...

i was hoping to get more responses....


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## Nice & Wavy (Feb 4, 2008)

ebonybelle said:


> thank you...
> 
> i was hoping to get more responses....


 
You are welcome, ebonybelle.


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## momi (Feb 4, 2008)

Since this is posted in the Christian forum I will offer a Christian answer.

Yes, it is wrong to have sex outside of a marriage relationship.


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## TrustMeLove (Feb 4, 2008)

I agree with everything Nice & Wavy said.

It is against the perfect will of God for women and men to have sex outside of marriage. 

Christians recognize that God's will is perfect and the commandments He has set out since the beginning of time should be followed.

I think you aren't getting too many responses because the title of this post to some may sound kind of crazy. Because for a Christian the answer to your question is a given..You don't really have to think about it. Well at least the christians I know. So some people may think it's a joke until they read your entire post and realize you aren't a christian and this just might be a genuine question.

Soo yea that's probably why you aren't getting many responses.

But, I hope ours help.


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## Crackers Phinn (Feb 4, 2008)

ebonybelle said:


> thank you...
> 
> *i was hoping to get more responses.*...



yeah...well it's one of those questions where many people will answer no while they have flash backs to when they were doing it.....to much inner turmoil.

For the record, the answer is 'no'.....


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## DayStar (Feb 4, 2008)

JCoily said:


> yeah...well it's one of those questions *where many people will answer no while they have flash backs to when they were doing it.....to much inner turmoil.
> *
> For the record, the answer is 'no'.....



i figured so


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## DayStar (Feb 5, 2008)

TrustMeLove said:


> I agree with everything Nice & Wavy said.
> 
> It is against the perfect will of God for women and men to have sex outside of marriage.
> 
> ...



thank you. 

i didnt intend for it to "sound crazy"...just thought id ask a question my girlfriends and I IRL talk about often, since we are of different faiths. I think this is a touchy question because people really have to look at themselves.....(i am in no way being the judge, just a figure of speech).

And this is a very genuine question.


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## Farida (Feb 5, 2008)

Let me be honest. God forgive me....

The bible teaches not to have sex outside of marriage. The bible also encourages celibacy as a life-long choice and a way to praise God. It is also agreed that not everyone is called to choose that path and not everyone has the discipline to take that path.

At the same time I don't know how to encourage single people I know who have a fervent desire for love, marriage and sex when it feels like they don't have prospects...well into their years they haven't found the right person to marry.

I remember in the bible the guy (I forget his name) who promised God in judges? that he would sacrifice the first thing he saw and the first thing he saw was his daughter...and before she was sacrificed she mourned the fact that she would die a virgin.

I cannot bring myself to say it is okay for unmarried women, even those who seem like they will never get married, to have unmarried sex. At the same time, I know the desire and need is there, but people say it gets easier to handle as time goes by.

I dunno...I'm in my early 20's and if I knew I wasn't ever going to get married I'd be like, "please suppress my hormones so I don't have to suffer this torment."


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## MizzBrown (Feb 5, 2008)

Should un-married Christian women have sex outside the marriage?

NO..but they do anyway. Why? Because they can. No immediate punishment maybe. Lust.

I have yet to meet an unmarried Christian woman who hasn't *AND* is in a faithful, committed relationship.


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## PaperClip (Feb 5, 2008)

Nice & Wavy said:


> The Bible says that "no one" should engage in sex outside of marriage...it's called "Fornication." God was speaking to mankind, whom He created.
> 
> Being a Christian is not a religion...its choosing to live your life for Jesus Christ and to emulate His life in and through you. If you choose to live your life for Jesus Christ, then you will make a decision NOT to do anything that would cause you to sin in this way.
> 
> ...


 
Cosign....


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## PaperClip (Feb 5, 2008)

MizzBrown said:


> I have yet to meet an unmarried Christian woman who hasn't *AND* is in a faithful, committed relationship.


 
I have....


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## Farida (Feb 5, 2008)

MizzBrown said:


> Should un-married Christian women have sex outside the marriage?
> 
> NO..but they do anyway. Why? Because they can. No immediate punishment maybe. Lust.
> 
> I have yet to meet an unmarried Christian woman who hasn't *AND* is in a faithful, committed relationship.



I have...but they are rare...and only God truly knows who is being honest about it.


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## PaperClip (Feb 5, 2008)

vivmaiko said:


> Let me be honest. God forgive me....
> 
> The bible teaches not to have sex outside of marriage. *The bible also encourages celibacy as a life-long choice and a way to praise God.* It is also agreed that not everyone is called to choose that path and not everyone has the discipline to take that path.
> 
> ...


 
I kindly encourage you to be careful here. I don't think the Bible encourages celibacy. There are more scriptures that advocate marriage, companionship. The Lord created Eve for Adam because He saw Adam's LONELINESS.... It would seem that the Bible's principles stand. It's us saints here on Planet Earth (esp. some women who are waiting for marriage but where are the marriageable men?) who are making certain (unhealthy) choices because of 1) their innate desire to nest, to have (a good) marriage and family, and 2) to fulfill sexual desires.

What Paul did say is that if you CAN ABSTAIN from SEX/MARRIAGE (as apparently he could), do so because you are free of such heavy responsibilities that come with marriage/family to do the work of the Lord, not as a (better) way to praise God.

1 Corinthians 7: 

6 This is what I think. I am not saying you must do it. 7 I wish everyone were as I am, but each has his own gift from God. One has one gift. Another has another gift. 8 This is what I say to those who are not married and to women whose husbands have died. It is good if you do not get married. I am not married. 9 But if you are not able to keep from doing that which you know is wrong, get married. It is better to get married than to have such strong sex desires.  
 32 I want you to be free from the cares of this world. The man who is not married can spend his time working for the Lord and pleasing Him. 33 The man who is married cares for the things of the world. He wants to please his wife. 34 Married women and women who have never been married are different. The woman who has never been married can spend her time working for the Lord. She wants to please the Lord with her body and spirit. The woman who is married cares for the things of the world. She wants to please her husband. 35 I am saying these things to help you. I am not trying to keep you from getting married. I want you to do what is best. You should work for Him without other things taking your time.


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## Ms Red (Feb 5, 2008)

Hey girl erplexed and I can tell you, it taint easy 

It has not gotten easy, it's gotten worse. And I mean waaaaay worse. Like overnight almost. I am in my mid 20s.


MizzBrown said:


> Should un-married Christian women have sex outside the marriage?
> 
> NO..but they do anyway. Why? Because they can. No immediate punishment maybe. Lust.
> 
> I have yet to meet an unmarried Christian woman who hasn't *AND* is in a faithful, committed relationship.


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## Belle Du Jour (Feb 5, 2008)

RelaxerRehab said:


> I have....



I know quite a few myself. erplexed


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## metamorfhosis (Feb 5, 2008)

I haven't had sex in 11 years. I get urges but just listen to some music--usually a love song and then it's all good. LOL 

I feel happy and stronger now because when I was sexually active, it was almost like my head was cloudy and the guy put a spell on me. 

I believe that making love to your husband will be a beautiful experience. And will be WORTH the wait.


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## DayStar (Feb 5, 2008)

metamorfhosis said:


> I* haven't had sex in 11 years. I get urges but just listen to some music--usually a love song and then it's all good. LOL *
> 
> I feel happy and stronger now because when I was sexually active, it was almost like my head was cloudy and the guy put a spell on me.
> 
> I believe that making love to your husband will be a beautiful experience. And will be WORTH the wait.



i hear that


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## PaperClip (Feb 5, 2008)

metamorfhosis said:


> I haven't had sex in *11 years*. I get urges but just listen to some music--usually a love song and then it's all good. LOL
> 
> I feel happy and stronger now because when I was sexually active, it was almost like my head was cloudy and the guy put a spell on me.
> 
> I believe that making love to your husband will be a beautiful experience. And will be WORTH the wait.


 
I can beat that number by decades.


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## Farida (Feb 5, 2008)

RelaxerRehab said:


> I can beat that number by decades.



It is more difficult for those who've done it before than those who haven't.


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## PaperClip (Feb 5, 2008)

vivmaiko said:


> It is more difficult for those who've done it before than those who haven't.


 
Let's not do this exchange of comparative suffering. Let's just not do it. Nobody can gauge or measure another person's difficulty.

Interesting that you said this to me and not the person who has abstained for 11 years.

A better (better being objective) response would be from the Word of God, which advises us NOT to, I paraphrase, turn on the sex switch because it can be a hard itch to satisfy, esp. outside of the safe and healthy confines of marriage. That's a message that is applicable to all.


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## metamorfhosis (Feb 5, 2008)

RelaxerRehab said:


> I can beat that number by decades.


 

WHAT???!!!! Girl, I thought Shimmie holds the record!!!

The most important thing is that it pleases GOD when you don't fornicate (have sex outside marriage).


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## PaperClip (Feb 5, 2008)

metamorfhosis said:


> WHAT???!!!! Girl, I thought Shimmie holds the record!!!
> 
> The most important thing is that it pleases GOD when you don't fornicate (have sex outside marriage).


 
I believe Shimmie still holds the record...but maybe not much longer, if her sweetheart does right by her as the Lord leads (and that's just me talkin'... I don't know nothin'!) 

I guess the question comes down to this: we talk about avoiding fornication as a way to please God versus our faith and our worship unto Him is what moves and touches His heart? So even if/when we do sin, His grace and mercy endures and He responds to a repentent heart. His grace doesn't give us free rein to go buck wild, of course not, but at the same time, the Lord is (more) pleased by our WORSHIP.

I mean seriously, do we want a medal for how long we "hold out", because TRUST and BELIEVE, this is one contest I am NOT trying to win, much less compete....


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## Farida (Feb 6, 2008)

you're right...



RelaxerRehab said:


> Let's not do this exchange of comparative suffering. Let's just not do it. Nobody can gauge or measure another person's difficulty.
> 
> Interesting that you said this to me and not the person who has abstained for 11 years.
> 
> A better (better being objective) response would be from the Word of God, which advises us NOT to, I paraphrase, turn on the sex switch because it can be a hard itch to satisfy, esp. outside of the safe and healthy confines of marriage. That's a message that is applicable to all.


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## golden bronze (Feb 7, 2008)

I am a 30 year old virgin, (0n a technicality) and not because I don't like sex, or I can't get it, or that I don't like men, but because I believe in what God said and I am just trying to obey him. Is it hard?

Heck yeah! (Just kiddling.) 

I think earlier on it was, especially about five years ago when I was in love with a man I thought I was gonna marry, hence, the technicality. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I tried to justify it, and the holy spirit convicted me. 

Now, it is smooth sailing, and I actually get Paul's point. I'm glad I'm not married. I couldn't do the kind of work and ministry God called me to and have a family and a man, too. Will I regret it later on? Maybe I will be wistful that I didn't plan my  family differently, but ultimately God knows best.


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## firecracker (Feb 7, 2008)

JCoily said:


> yeah...well it's one of those questions where many people will answer no while they have flash backs to when they were doing it.....to much inner turmoil.
> 
> For the record, the answer is 'no'.....


 ITA about the response issue. OP what religion are you? What were you taught in relations to sex and marriage?


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## chellero (Feb 7, 2008)

I can see why she would ask this question.  I know lots of unmarried women who say that they are Christians and who have sex without being married.  If you didn't know for sure what the Bible says then I could see how you'd be confused!


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## PaperClip (Feb 7, 2008)

Sincere question:

I notice that as some posts offer an answer to the OP's question, that there's an add-on sentence/disclaimer(?)/caveat(?) that says something to the effect of "well, even though Christians know it's wrong to fornicate, they do it anyway".

What's the point of the additional statement? Does it negate what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage?


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## chellero (Feb 7, 2008)

RelaxerRehab said:


> Sincere question:
> 
> I notice that as some posts offer an answer to the OP's question, that there's an add-on sentence/disclaimer(?)/caveat(?) that says something to the effect of "well, even though Christians know it's wrong to fornicate, they do it anyway".
> 
> What's the point of the additional statement? Does it negate what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage?




I mentioned it, because I really do think that if you don't read the Bible for yourself then you will have NO IDEA what Christianity should like.  I think that people also add the disclaimer because they don't want to seem hypocritical if they struggled in that area.  Of course it doesn't negate what the Bible says! I'm just relieved that no one tried to justify their premarital sex despite what the Bible says.


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## PaperClip (Feb 7, 2008)

chellero said:


> I mentioned it, because I really do think that if you don't read the Bible for yourself then you will have NO IDEA what Christianity should like. I think that people also add the disclaimer because they don't want to seem hypocritical if they struggled in that area. Of course it doesn't negate what the Bible says! I'm just relieved that no one tried to justify their premarital sex despite what the Bible says.


 
Hmm... ok.... I understand....


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## firecracker (Feb 7, 2008)

chellero said:


> I mentioned it, because I really do think that if you don't read the Bible for yourself then you will have NO IDEA what Christianity should like. I think that people also add the disclaimer because they don't want to seem hypocritical if they struggled in that area. Of course it doesn't negate what the Bible says! *I'm just relieved that no one tried to justify their premarital sex despite what the Bible says*.


  To the bolded why lie? It is what it is.


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## DayStar (Feb 8, 2008)

thanks ladies!


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