52 Weeks Towards Divine Femininity

[Maracujá]

Spent some time outside yesterday with my mom. Out of the 5 of us ladies in the family, we're the only singletons. My mom has been single for 25 years or more and I have been single for 13 years. She hails from another era, so she's really not used to being single at all, even though she has been for most of her life. In her time, women had to have a man to be respected, in fact one of her sayings is: having a man is what makes a woman respectable. I don't agree with that at all, so...

For the last couple of years, we've been spending a lot of time with each other. As a child, she used to not like me very much because she felt that I was too superficial and busy with mundane things: I liked shopping, eating out and partying with friends. Now as an older lady and looking back at her life, she regrets the fact that she spent more time worrying instead of having fun. In all of the nearly 30 years that we have been living in Belgium, we've NEVER once went to an amusement park as a family, not even once.

Respite is a Biblical command we never adhered to, because it was almost impossible as a single parent household with 5 children. So we're really playing catch up...and I like it.

 

[Sosoothing]

The first thing I would recommend, is that $5.00 book I spoke about upthread, it's really good. It speaks about two main things: being humble and listening more than you speak. Often times we don't listen when we have a conflict with someone: we look for ways to form a rebuttal and one up them or something. That is NOT communication.

Ayize Ma'at and Aiyana Ma'at are an African-American couple, who make tons of videos about this on YouTube. They're really good imo, I've been listening to them for almost a decade and they are certified in their are of expertise as counselors for couples. She said this: talking is NOT communication. Communication is a skill. Our cultures glorifies rebuttals and witty comebacks, but most times, it really pays off to just be quiet till you can form a concise and conciliatory answer.

To give three examples:

* My older sister, who I have always looked up to once called me insignificant, she literally used that word. It really hurt me, she went off on me saying tons of very mean things. We ended up not speaking for 5 years and have only recently rekindled our relationship. I really didn't know what to say, I was devastated and didn't say anything at all. I just ended the conversation and went to work.

* My ex, who was very verbally abusive, once called me a whore after we had been intimate. It was in the middle of the night and I didn't own a car so I had to stay there in his studio apartment, even though I wanted to leave. I left the next morning. I never called him out of his name, though I might have yelled. The relationship ended soon after, for that very reason. He was very mean spirited so even after we had broken up, he infiltrated my Facebook account, with a fake name. I accepted the friendship request, only to later find out that it was him. He started saying vile things, like inviting me to go with him to a hotel and sleep with him, because I was 'that kind of girl' as he said. Again, I just remained composed, deleted him and kept it moving.

* My boss once also went off on me, saying that I was good for nothing, during one of my evaluations. And that she really didn't think I was a good cashier at all. I was very taken aback because though I didn't always smile at the customers, I was always polite and barely ever had cash differentials in my cash register. But yet again, I said nothing.

* BONUS EXAMPLE: more recently, this guy I was interested in, called me masculine after I had used a particular word. I was very taken aback and hurt, especially when you've been single for so long, you start to wonder what may be wrong with you instead of just accepting that it may be God's will for your life. But again, I just told him we could no longer be 'friends' and deleted him from my FB.

So where am I going with this? Often times we think forming a quick rebuttal is the 'smart' thing to do and in the worldly view, it truly might be. But it has consequences far beyond what we can ever imagine. Don't know if you're a believer, but my deacon once read from the Bible, saying that the reason why God wants to tame the tongue, is because it's one of the smallest organs in the body, but that causes the most damage.

A pastor once said that, when we're all young it's hard to figure out who is truly blessed and who is just posing. But once you start to mature beyond your 30s, you start to notice either two patterns in people's lives: doom&gloom or glory&blessings. That boss who went off on me? She's a divorced woman. That 'friend' who called me masculine has been in and out of relationships and is in his feelings about his younger brother being married before him. And the list goes on. 'Big doors revolve on small hinges'. It's always best to let Jesus plead your case while you remain quiet. Trust me, there are so many blessings attached to that.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. This is a wisdom filled post.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Participants -

@PrissiSippi
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123




Recap

Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner

Week 2: Print or Buy a planner. Make sure you write down and plan to do things that encompass your femininity. How many times will you cook for your family so they can practice dinner etiquette? How many minutes will you hold each child a day (10-15 minutes?) How will you polish your femininity EACH day, how will you spend one on one time with your spouse each day? Have you made time to go out with a female this week to talk girl talk? Make a plan, be intentional, and write it down.

Week 3: Be more present- Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be a phone zombie. Practice makes permanent. Constantly work on cultivating your femininity by being very present with DH, SO, your children, and friends. Choose human interactions vs social media interactions this week.

Week 4: Accept him- Accept him for who he is. This includes his strengths, his weaknesses, his goals, or lack of him. He is a person full of triumphs as well as flaws just like you. (This goal is continuous).

February- Inner Self Work
Week 5: Polish Your Poise- No one can take you out of your feminine grace except you. Work on not being reactive to problems and asserting your needs but in a gentle way. Work on your look, attitude, gratitude, gaze, and overall spirit.

Week 6: Self Preservation is Key- Learn to protect your peace. Put YOU first. Have a drama blocking plan to protect yourself.

Week 7: What's in a Voice- Work on your feminine voice. Smile. Have a sing-song sweet voice at all times...especially times of struggle.

Week 8: Rock Your Wardrobe- Aim to look feminine, put together, and GOOD every day.
Week 9: Turn Rituals Into Routine

March- Home Living
Week 10: Beautify Your Environment: Buy Fresh Flowers
Week 11: Focus on Your Home Aromas
Week 12: How Clean Is Your Home
Week 13: Set the Tone in Your Home: Make Your House a Haven

April- Refinement
Week 14: Clean Up Your Social Media Accounts
Week 15: Be more mysterious: Work on your Feminine Mystique
Week 16: Take the Help/Compliments
Week 17: Got Milk? Milk Baths

May- Strategically Selfish
Week 18: You Are the Prize
Week 19: Don’t Let them Move Your Goal Post
Week 20: Put On Your Oxygen Mask First
Week 21: Drop the need to be Right: Focus Instead
Week 22: Who are Your Male Vouchers?!

June- Feminine Refinement
Week 23- Leisure Time/ Become Well Read
Week 24- Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike
Week 25- Let's Get Some Sunshine
Week 26- Communication 101: Stay in Control

July-
Week 27- Everything can be used against you.


Week 27: Everything Can Be Used Against You - Be Mysterious

As a general rule, people (and especially men) do the best they can with the resources that they have.

Anything that you tell them....can be used to their advantage. Be mindful of that.
I don’t believe the person you care about is reminding you of your mistakes/past with the intention of hurting you (Because most men are good)BUT it happens because we are human.

They are merely reacting with a default strategy. Soooo...What's your strategy?

Many of the men that we encounter are unhealthy. Point blank. In this world, we have normalized dysfunction. Whether they weren't adequately nurtured as a child, have no mentors, have no ambition, lack male figures, depression hit them as a child, they didn't see their mother taken care of and now think that being taken care of WELL is being "spoiled"...instead of seeing it as a necessity...it's a problem, or just plain lazy...men all have flaws. Be mindful of the words you say. THEY CAN BE USED AGAINST YOU.

Learn to say much about nothing. Your deepest scars, deepest fears, deepest hurts, daddy/mommy issues, and more, all of it is for your therapist, girlfriends, and TRUSTED friends. Not your man. He is not your Dr. Phil. In his world...you are perfect. Keep it that way. They will always frame you to be the bad person to confuse you or get their way.

In the past I was talking to a guy, we talked about how I was deeply hurt about how I tried so hard to have a child with my Ex-DH and we went through fertility treatments. I don't talk about this much at all. It's a deep, hurtful, lonely place for me. I felt I was being transparent and ”opening up”. Weeks go on and me and the guy got into a minor disagreement. All of a sudden he was like, "Oh that's Priss. Just like in the past, She ALWAYS has to have it HER way. It's about HER and only HER." And there it was it was my past coming to haunt me. Now I was being framed as a selfish individual and I should take his BS because I WAS THE DAMAGED PERSON...not him. This was his strategy to get what he wanted. DON'T ALLOW THEM TO DO THIS.

Okay, this is an easy one. I easily cut this person on and went on the next. BUT

I have a close friend. Her mommy issues is that her mother made her work so hard during college. It was like her mother didn't value her. Her mother went on to marry and she forgot about her children and spent all time with her husband. She kind of abandoned her children. Her HUSBAND used this in an argument like, "That's why even your own mother won't have a relationship with you. You're to combative. You're argumentative". That was his strategy. Instead of working on the actual problem he threw stones.

You can't throw stones that you are not given.

My Ex-DH when I made note and brought it to his attention he was not doing xy and z as my husband and a father to our child he threw in my face, "No one wanted you. You better be glad I at least wanted you." But this is a person that claims they LOVE me?

Don't put anything past them. Men are HUMAN. Develop your personality so that you always have things to talk about. Talk much about nothing. Don't go too deep. You can give them pieces of yourself, but your WHOLE self...keep it in a special place locked up in your heart. It may be used against you later.

Why are many of us motor mouths? Transparency, lack of things to talk about, wanting to build intimacy, letting your guard down too soon.

What's your strategy? Continue to develop your feminine mystique.

Week 27 Challenge
1. List general things that you should NOT talk about on a date with your SO or DH. Post them so others can learn from your past.
2. List general areas of your life that should be kept private.
3. What are other things that you could talk about to stay mysterious?
4. How can you continue to develop your personality to make you more interesting when you talk to others?
5. What are some go to phrases you could use to deflect when asked about your past or things you do not want to talk about?

 

[CurliDiva]

Angels! So you all know my MIL doesn’t like me supposedly because I’m a housewife. Well, get THIS!

My FIL told DH that MIL didn’t work for the first 4 years of his life!

What gives?!? My babies are only 3 and 2!

How did she treat you before the babies? Usually the relationship gets better after grandchildren.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Thank you! Just don't see the point of hammering on it, this is my idea of love:

View attachment 431139

Apparently it was possible in yesteryears, but not in the most technologically advanced age. So be it.

A great book I would recommend for better communication is this one:

View attachment 431141

It costs $5,00 and is only 36 pages. It's written from a Biblical perspective, but I really think it could help anyone. Haven't finished reading it yet, but it's already helping me in my workplace, with family-members, friends and other settings.

This is a video about the book to flesh out some of the principles discussed in the book. You will not resolve conflict if you can't communicate.

 

[Supervixen]

How did she treat you before the babies? Usually the relationship gets better after grandchildren.

Grandchildren made it worse. We were ok at first, I remember thinking DH was trippin because she played very nicely when I met/talked to/ sent her gifts.

After DD#1 was born things started getting ugly. I kick myself when I think about some of the requests she made and I agreed to.

 

[Evolving78]

Grandchildren made it worse. We were ok at first, I remember thinking DH was trippin because she played very nicely when I met/talked to/ sent her gifts.

After DD#1 was born things started getting ugly. I kick myself when I think about some of the requests she made and I agreed to.

You may have an idea of why she may have these negative feelings, so don’t take it personal. You are probably aware of the challenges women face being a SAHM. You don’t know her story, So, it is none of your business to figure out why she is having those negatives towards you, but what you can do is forgive her, and show her love and grace. The fact all of this was revealed to you indicates others having an issue as well. Nothing is a coincidence. And people lack awareness of the things they say and speak from a reactive state.

So with all that being said, show grace and love in your position as a SAHM and DIL. That’s it. Do your best to be and stay positive. Love when others hate, show grace when others show arrogance, etc..

 

[Supervixen]

You may have an idea of why she may have these negative feelings, so don’t take it personal. You are probably aware of the challenges women face being a SAHM. You don’t know her story, So, it is none of your business to figure out why she is having those negatives towards you, but what you can do is forgive her, and show her love and grace. The fact all of this was revealed to you indicates others having an issue as well. Nothing is a coincidence. And people lack awareness of the things they say and speak from a reactive state.

So with all that being said, show grace and love in your position as a SAHM and DIL. That’s it. Do your best to be and stay positive. Love when others hate, show grace when others show arrogance, etc..

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I love your niceness. I used to be nice too—turn the other cheek, be the bigger person were all words I liveD by. In this thread, referring to her, you can see me fighting that niceness and wanting to fight for her positive attention...

It lowers my value to people that are good to me when I am good to people who are not good to me. I can manage cordial in her presence, she is my husband’s mother. After that 10mins, we’re back to no contact.

I’m not at ‘FTB’ solely because she is my husband’s mother, but ‘FTB’ is a stone’s throw away now.

 

[Dee-Licious]

@Supervixen
It took me a second to figure it out. But once I got it . I'll be using that one.

 

[PrissiSippi]

@Supervixen
It took me a second to figure it out. But once I got it . I'll be using that one.

I’m sitting here like what’s ftb. Man I’ve been sitting here thinking HARD! I’m laughing so hard now.

OAN: I try to stay in balance by perfecting my craft. Last night I made some Curry Shrimp over some rice and peas. This morning I made myself breakfast and our cream cheese and preserves on the toast. I was soooo mad at my hashbrowns. They’re a smidge too dark but surprisingly they were still good.

 

[PrissiSippi]

One thing I learned from Ro, Shera, and Christelyn is the importance of creativity and variety. We have a need to develop our personalities so men never know what they’re going to get. One way to do this is learning how to cook a variety of dishes through expanding your cooking repertoire. It is my goal that of course we learn how to cook dishes related to our culture very well but also a few international dishes that leave you, your loved ones, and your family feeling amazed and at peace.

Additionally, through learning to cook from scratch you begin to do a lot of the principles we have learned throughout this challenge. They include being unrushed, taking in the experience instead of end result, being present and in the moment to truly show love to our loved ones, and paying attention to details by learning how to platefood and plate it well.

 

[Evolving78]

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I love your niceness. I used to be nice too—turn the other cheek, be the bigger person were all words I liveD by. In this thread, referring to her, you can see me fighting that niceness and wanting to fight for her positive attention...

It lowers my value to people that are good to me when I am good to people who are not good to me. I can manage cordial in her presence, she is my husband’s mother. After that 10mins, we’re back to no contact.

I’m not at ‘FTB’ solely because she is my husband’s mother, but ‘FTB’ is a stone’s throw away now.

Oh we probably have a lot more in common than you think! Lol
I was at that FTB mindset for a long time. Even blocked her for over a year. But I’m learning not to take what she says or does personal. She wants a relationship with her grandchildren, and they want one with her. I am the gatekeeper! Lol but I know in order for them to have that, I have to work on setting boundaries. I will not tolerate disrespect, or inconsideration. I will not be made to feel inadequate in how I raise my children. I’m moving at a snail’s pace, but it is coming together. I totally understand what you are saying. I have been a SAHM for most of my children’s lives.

So when I say show grace, know that if somebody is coming at you from the side of their behind, don’t allow it fester and cause you discomfort. Be an observer of it and know that however they are feeling is coming from something going on inside of them.

Some people want you to act up right with them, so they can justify their behavior towards you. A circus needs clowns. You ain’t a clown. Ha!

 

[Supervixen]

Oh we probably have a lot more in common than you think! Lol
I was at that FTB mindset for a long time. Even blocked her for over a year. But I’m learning not to take what she says or does personal. She wants a relationship with her grandchildren, and they want one with her. I am the gatekeeper! Lol but I know in order for them to have that, I have to work on setting boundaries. I will not tolerate disrespect, or inconsideration. I will not be made to feel inadequate in how I raise my children. I’m moving at a snail’s pace, but it is coming together. I totally understand what you are saying. I have been a SAHM for most of my children’s lives.

So when I say show grace, know that if somebody is coming at you from the side of their behind, don’t allow it fester and cause you discomfort. Be an observer of it and know that however they are feeling is coming from something going on inside of them.

Some people want you to act up right with them, so they can justify their behavior towards you. A circus needs clowns. You ain’t a clown. Ha!

Ooooooh, I get you. Grace, not necessarily NICE. Thanks for this!

 

[Supervixen]

@Supervixen
It took me a second to figure it out. But once I got it . I'll be using that one.

I hope I don’t get banned. Did you see the new profanity message?

 

[Sosoothing]

I hope I don’t get banned. Did you see the new profanity message?

Lol...I wonder how else you could have expressed that and had the same effect.
The new profanity message will be a challenge for many.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

One thing I think people can do to develop personality and make themselves more interesting is to read more. I have gotten back into my books, and have a stack to go through but it's a conversation starter, I keep one in my bag while I am out. Also, I read the Wall Street Journal online especially the business and technology sections, always pick up some interesting things to talk about. Avoid the shade room, gossip, and reality tv as talking points with men LOL! Basically making yourself more cultured.

 

[PrissiSippi]

One thing I think people can do to develop personality and make themselves more interesting is to read more. I have gotten back into my books, and have a stack to go through but it's a conversation starter, I keep one in my bag while I am out. Also, I read the Wall Street Journal online especially the business and technology sections, always pick up some interesting things to talk about. Avoid the shade room, gossip, and reality tv as talking points with men LOL! Basically making yourself more cultured.

Hmm I’ve never read the Wall Street journal. I have began to keep a little journal of deeper questions to talk about. It only works with intellectual men but they seem to like it. Today I asked one of my dates do fish think they are “wet” or is it truly perception. I usually just ask questions like that and Let the other person answer and agree but add a scientific fact here or there to let them know my personality.

 

[PrissiSippi]

A guy picked up on that I love to read so he picked me up some Bath Bombs to relax in the tub and an actual paperback book since most of my books are on my phone. He bought me Things Fall Apart since I’ve been heavy on Chimamanda. They are both African writers. I was thoroughly impressed. Tonight we’re having a firecracker party for my son so I’m excited about that. I haven’t bought firecrackers in so long. It’s so much fun to spend some time with someone and just be a fun kid again lol. Wish me luck. I still feel like I’m talking too much. I must polish my femininity on the daily. TTYL

 

[Kimbosheart]

That’s a heavy book. Good but heavy. Balance it out with something lighter. I agree with reading the newspaper try to balance local with national and international. And vary your sources, it’s good to hear all sides.

I love the WSJ and the NYT for lifestyle and fashion. WaPo is easy to read and very left leaning. NPR is great because it’s all audio so good for a commute.

The caveat is that in terms of femininity a lot of this information will take you to the masculine. So conversations with men could be based on facts or your opinions on a topic. I find those conversations off putting to most people but especially men. It’s easier to bring people together if you can base the conversations around empathy and compassion and how you feel when reading/hearing these things. You don’t event have to get into facts. I have a very political day job and that’s been one way for me to talk and meet people who’s politics I don’t agree with. Yes I could talk about the subject at hand and my thoughts on it. Or I can mention that reading is a way to relax, I like to read so and so and hear other perspectives on the topic.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Week 27 Challenge
1. List general things that you should NOT talk about on a date with your SO or DH. Post them so others can learn from your past.
2. List general areas of your life that should be kept private. Non essential sex life information, income information, spending habits, household finance practices
3. What are other things that you could talk about to stay mysterious?
4. How can you continue to develop your personality to make you more interesting when you talk to others? Read more nonfiction text
5. What are some go to phrases you could use to deflect when asked about your past or things you do not want to talk about?
We visited dhs mentee’s parents for an event. Of course the men went one way and I had wine with the mother. She kept asking me to tell her about my family. So I gave gen info, there are 5 of us and I’m the middle. I’m not an open book. She kept saying “so tell me more” we’re a family of educators mostly with a few doctors and lawyers sprinkled in. She finally gave up after I gave more vague information. I’m queen of vague and general. People want to know your personal business but don’t want to ask specific questions because it’s rude. I don’t have phrases per say, I’m just queen of vague and general.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I called my hotel and sa


Hotel: Hello.
Me: Hello and how are you doing *pause*
Hotel: Um hi
Me: Hello and how are you doing? I hope you’re having a wonderful day mam.
Hotel: *hesitant* ohh...ummm yes mam. Can I help you todsy?

Lol I’m really working on slowing all the way down and asking others how is their day and how are they and their family and actually giving a care about how they truly answer. Some people actually get uncomfortable about this such as the hotel staff lady lol. But I feel so at peace and more in tuned with my surroundings because of being more compassionate.

I’m also working on not telling men directions or asking questions like where are we going. I’m just going with the flow.

Lol one of my suitors said he loves how when he cursed I will repeat it but change the curse word to a pseudo curse word. Y’all I curse so bad. I curse like a sailor. He actually thinks I don’t curse. I’m impressed with my feminine acting skills lol.

 

[CurliDiva]

Week 27 Challenge
1. List general things that you should NOT talk about on a date with your SO or DH. Post them so others can learn from your past.
2. List general areas of your life that should be kept private. Non essential sex life information, income information, spending habits, household finance practices
3. What are other things that you could talk about to stay mysterious?
4. How can you continue to develop your personality to make you more interesting when you talk to others? Read more nonfiction text
5. What are some go to phrases you could use to deflect when asked about your past or things you do not want to talk about?
We visited dhs mentee’s parents for an event. Of course the men went one way and I had wine with the mother. She kept asking me to tell her about my family. So I gave gen info, there are 5 of us and I’m the middle. I’m not an open book. She kept saying “so tell me more” we’re a family of educators mostly with a few doctors and lawyers sprinkled in. She finally gave up after I gave more vague information. I’m queen of vague and general. People want to know your personal business but don’t want to ask specific questions because it’s rude. I don’t have phrases per say, I’m just queen of vague and general.

Did you have a sense of what type of information she wanted? Was she sharing details about herself and her background? I find that certain ethnic groups will ask a ton of probing questions to try and 'gauge' your status or rank.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Week 27 Challenge
1. List general things that you should NOT talk about on a date with your SO or DH. Post them so others can learn from your past.
2. List general areas of your life that should be kept private. Non essential sex life information, income information, spending habits, household finance practices
3. What are other things that you could talk about to stay mysterious?
4. How can you continue to develop your personality to make you more interesting when you talk to others? Read more nonfiction text
5. What are some go to phrases you could use to deflect when asked about your past or things you do not want to talk about?
We visited dhs mentee’s parents for an event. Of course the men went one way and I had wine with the mother. She kept asking me to tell her about my family. So I gave gen info, there are 5 of us and I’m the middle. I’m not an open book. She kept saying “so tell me more” we’re a family of educators mostly with a few doctors and lawyers sprinkled in. She finally gave up after I gave more vague information. I’m queen of vague and general. People want to know your personal business but don’t want to ask specific questions because it’s rude. I don’t have phrases per say, I’m just queen of vague and general.

Lol I loved how you handled that. I’m working on that now.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Did you have a sense of what type of information she wanted? Was she sharing details about herself and her background? I find that certain ethnic groups will ask a ton of probing questions to try and 'gauge' your status or rank.

She was an older wealthy white woman. She shared a bit about herself in a way where it seemed she wanted me to ask more questions that she could later ask me.
Dh is more open with his family stories so I think she wanted to know about me what he may have told them about himself but Issa no.
We would be that nice educated black couple that she knows intimate details about to share with her friends.
Definitely wanted to know some generational SES information.

 

[CurliDiva]

Week 27 Challenge
1. List general things that you should NOT talk about on a date with your SO or DH. Post them so others can learn from your past.

I don't think your conversations with a date (SO) and conversations with a husband should be lumped together - the relationship dynamics are different. But as a general rule, I would not discuss intimate details about my life with a date. This person is not your therapist, so kept it light and fun. Nothing traumatic or depressing, even if he seems to sympathize or understands.

2. List general areas of your life that should be kept private.

Never discuss intimate details about past relationships or specific bedroom antics. I also would not be to available, don't ditch your family or friends just because he calls. It is a good thing that he knows you have a flu life and am not waiting by the phone for his call. I discuss my social activities but would remain vague about who was involved. In fact, I was slow introducing a guy to my family and friends. Also, don't assume you two are dating exclusively until you've had that specific conversation and you both agreed.

3. What are other things that you could talk about to stay mysterious?

Stay active in your hobbies and pursuits and slowly expose him to these other interest. Spending time apart. Plan or suggest a date to try a new restaurant, listen to different music, or try movie genre.....

4. How can you continue to develop your personality to make you more interesting when you talk to others?

Surround yourself with people that love you! You should not feel that you need to prove yourself constantly....... but try something NEW, be curious about others and stay open to different experiences. Travel, read, stay current on world events but limit conversations about anything divisive like politics, religion, Nome, etc...

5. What are some go to phrases you could use to deflect when asked about your past or things you do not want to talk about?

I tend to stare like I don't understand the question, and just don't answer.

 

[PrissiSippi]

That acting like you don’t understand really makes people restate the question or really outwardly SAY the bull instead of hiding behind it. I love it. I wish I would have known that before.

Week 27 Challenge
1. List general things that you should NOT talk about on a date with your SO or DH. Post them so others can learn from your past.

I don't think your conversations with a date (SO) and conversations with a husband should be lumped together - the relationship dynamics are different. But as a general rule, I would not discuss intimate details about my life with a date. This person is not your therapist, so kept it light and fun. Thing traumatic, or depressing, even if he seems to sympathize or understands.

2. List general areas of your life that should be kept private.

Never discuss intimate details about past relationships or specific bedroom antics. I also would not be to available, don't ditch your family or friends just because he calls. It is a good thing that he knows you have a flu life and am not waiting by the phone for his call. I discuss my social activities but would remain vague about who was involved. In fact, I was slow introducing a guy to my family and friends. Also, don't assume you two are dating exclusively until you've had that specific conversation and you both agreed.

3. What are other things that you could talk about to stay mysterious?

Stay active in your hobbies and pursuits and slowly expose him to these other interest. Spending time apart. Plan or suggest a date to try a new restaurant, listen to different music, or try movie genre.....

4. How can you continue to develop your personality to make you more interesting when you talk to others?

Surround yourself with people that love you! You should not feel that you need to prove yourself constantly....... but try something NEW, be curious about others and stay open to different experiences. Travel, read, stay current on world events but limit conversations about anything divisive like politics, religion, Nome, etc...

5. What are some go to phrases you could use to deflect when asked about your past or things you do not want to talk about?

I tend to stare like I don't understand the question, and just don't answer.

 

[PrissiSippi]

You all what do you think some masculine tactics that women sometimes do that we should stray away from? Some that came to mind include:

Being protective
Needing to be acknowledged or praised often
Challenging ones point of view and debating
Swearing too much
Providing for and protecting others
Not creative
Dominating conversations by talking too much
Selfish - which is an act to self-preserve
Aggression
Bragging about where one works and how much money
Overcompensating to prove your worth
Loud
Bossing people instead of asking
Non-affectionate
Combatitive and prone to fighting
Desiring sex without titles or labels
Needing to be in control versus going with the flow or letting a man handle it

 

[Maracujá]

Love the art of being mysterious, especially this day in age, with social media and all. One area I'm very private about is my love life. I never utter a word about it on FB or anywhere else. Very few people know that I was once in an abusive relationship, only you guys, my fam and my church. That's it.

Also, a lot of people like to make posts about where they're going on a trip or take pictures while they're on the trip, I NEVER do that. I always wait till I'm back to post about something like that on FB. Case in point is my 33rd birthday, which went very well btw:

After I posted this pic on FB, the lady I went to Paris with wanted to throw shade on my parade, asking me whether I had purchased another necklace yet again, with two question marks. I just remained composed and answered: Yes, it was fit for the occasion and kept it moving. I cannot stand it when people try to count my money.

Here are some other pictures of what went down this week:

I'm very stand offish, so I'm working on being more affectionate with children especially. I'm an INTJ so I can come across as cold.

Second day birthday outfit

Basking in the love my family shows me!

Most of them came from very remote places, but they still came. I truly appreciate it, it warms my heart.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I’m sooo happy you had an amazing birthday!! It looked to be such a peaceful and joyful occassion! I love how u handled the lady. I hate people who try to rain on my shine.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Week 15 we worked on Feminine Mystique. Even though it was written by a man, it really had a few gems in it that were shared.



1. Don’t answer all of his questions: A simple way to mess with a guy's mind and make him wonder whether or not you like him is to intentionally not answer some question. IS it rude? yes. Does it make him chase? yeah! Not answering questions makes the guy feel insecure because why would someone do that unless they're not interested? But by sending signals of interest, while doing this, it creates confusion and makes the guys chase you even harder... and lets not forget that this gives you a mysterious vibe.

2. Silence: Silence is my favorite way to make a guy chase and invest in the interaction. Just ask him a question and don't respond to his response. Just stay silent. Say mmmm and just maintain eye contact. You'll see that the guy feels awkward and insecure and it causes him to actually invest more. This also makes the girl look mysterious because what girl in her right mind would do that?

3. Allow people to gradually know you. Hold back on the most valued things about you and show the superficial stuff first. Let’s say they meditate. Let’s say you meditate too. Don’t tell them…let them find out later. You’re an attorney…let them find out slowly. Develop your character like a book. This gives you a cool vibe because there's always something new about you that surfaces, and it' always gets better and better.

4. Express contradictions to your character. Contradiction makes you unpredictable for the simple fact that everyone is predictable. If you’re naturally extroverted…be an introvert at times. You're a super good girl girl...be naughty at times. But make sure to reveal your contradictions subtly and slowly. If you are too obvious people will think you’re crazy. Having contradictions gives more depth to you. It keeps people guessing as to who you really are. This is the key to the mystery, when the man has to fill in the blank.

5. Suppress your real character so that it seeps out subconsciously. Like don’t talk about how much you love family….just show it through your actions. If you love sex….don’t tell anyone this…let them wonder about how you would be…how passionate you are. Let it come out subconsciously. Remember, a mystery is only done in the dark, behind closed doors.

6. Feel good on the inside and suppress it...to them: By suppressing your genuine emotions, you cause a man to actually sense it; feel it. Want to show him how happy you are? Feel the happiness, keep it inside and you'll notice the guy will be asking you "you're different today, what's going on?"

7. Keep a distance and time between you and the person. Stay busy. Don’t always answer the phone. Be busy. Let them work for it. Maintain that aura and let their imagination fill in the gaps. If you don't keep that distance, the guy will lose that mystery he has about you. Maintain an air of mystery by keeping your distance. The more mysterious you are the more a guy will want to get to know you.

8. Delayed response… Take your time. Don’t have pressured speech. Slowly talk.

9. Learn how to redirect questions. For example, "Where are you from?" Ahhh from the east coast…how about you? <<---You didn't specifically say WHERE on the east coast. Where do you work? Oh I work with children what about you? What’s your credit score? It’s really high...what's your favorite color? How old are you? Don't worry I'm over 21 and wink playfully. Tell me about yourself? Ohhh I like to live every day like it is my last. Be very vague with answers.