Ms_Delikate
Well-Known Member
@PrissiSippi I have not really been focusing on this at the moment... I know, I know... I will get back on task soon
. Thanks for checking on me!
52 Weeks Towards Divine Femininity
- Thread starter PrissiSippi
- Start date
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- femininity
. Thanks for checking on me!
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I'm really still working on being outside as much as possible. Hopefully today I can take the little one with me on an outside adventure to the park, in the garden, and maybe near some kind of water. I read some article about realigning your magnetic force by "earthing" which is the process of being outside without shoes in the grass or etc for 30 minutes a day. I'm wondering does it work. Did anyone try anything similar?
TracyNicole
Well-Known Member
I am going to be honest here and say that my initial reaction was negative...but then I thought about it. When I was younger, I enjoyed being barefoot and outside. Somewhere along the lines I received the message that it was inappropriate and stopped. Please report back how your experience goes
RoundEyedGirl504
Well-Known Member
I love being outside barefoot, but I don't have any grass right now. DS and I spend time on the patio barefoot on our little grass rug though, and we do water play when the weather is good. It's just such a simple pleasure.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
Angels! So you all know my MIL doesn’t like me supposedly because I’m a housewife. Well, get THIS!
My FIL told DH that MIL didn’t work for the first 4 years of his life!
What gives?!? My babies are only 3 and 2!
My FIL told DH that MIL didn’t work for the first 4 years of his life!
What gives?!? My babies are only 3 and 2!
TracyNicole
Well-Known Member
Some of these MIL are hypocritical. Maybe she feels you are “taking advantage” of her son by not working. Sometimes when I’m talking to women in that generation, it’s like hey have taken leave of their senses. They just cannot remember how much work goes into rearing a child. Delusional is the word that comes to mind.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Lmao you’re not alone. I was like ewww but then the science nerd in me got to thinking. Magnets can always be demagnetized and re-magnetized. Hmm if our bodies hold a charge the same could be true for our bodies. I’m just thinking but it’s truly a hypothesis.I am going to be honest here and say that my initial reaction was negative...but then I thought about it. When I was younger, I enjoyed being barefoot and outside. Somewhere along the lines I received the message that it was inappropriate and stopped. Please report back how your experience goes
OAN: I’ve been trying to use my leisure time to do little thinks like work on my facial regiment (using sun screen) and drinking half of my body weight in water. It’s Actually working.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
Taking advantage was exactly the words she used, however me being a housewife was all her son’s idea!! I’m flabbergasted she kicked up all this dust and she did the same thing!!!
DH told me she was irrational and I tried to be all, “no you just don’t understand her.” I’m completely sold now. I may even resume sending her cards and gifts because now I have empathy for her.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
I love being outside barefooted. I haven’t been intentional about it before but when I get back to my house I’ll try it out.
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TracyNicole
Well-Known Member
That sounds like a wonderful idea! I may have to adopt it as well. I’m worried this “forgetfulness” will happen to me as I age and my son leaves the nest.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
My same set up too. My MIL says she is different from me because she stayed at home because she lost her job and I need to find a job ASAP because a woman that doesn’t work doesn’t eat.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
We are outside all the time. I have to admit we have a nice backyard set up, so it’s easy for me to want to be outside. However, it’s usually in the morning or late afternoon to avoid this heat. I also like to take the kids for walks or bike rides on occasion. Our new puppy has us outside a lot too. 
Barefoot? Sometimes, but we have dogs so I hate to be barefoot in the grass too much...
I’ve talked to other ladies who’ve been criticized by MIL for staying at home and we came to these reasons :
-they have a daughter who has to work so they feel like their DIL needs to work too
-they always wanted to work but had to stay at home and are projecting
-they feel like when they stayed at home, they did more work than the DIL is going to do
-they babied their sons growing up and dont want him working when the wife is not
We definitely all agreed that most older women forget how much work childcare is.
Barefoot? Sometimes, but we have dogs so I hate to be barefoot in the grass too much...
My MIL is critical of other things but this is one thing she has always been in support of because she wants her grandkids to have someone at home. As many other problems we might have, I have to give her props for that.
I’ve talked to other ladies who’ve been criticized by MIL for staying at home and we came to these reasons :
-they have a daughter who has to work so they feel like their DIL needs to work too
-they always wanted to work but had to stay at home and are projecting
-they feel like when they stayed at home, they did more work than the DIL is going to do
-they babied their sons growing up and dont want him working when the wife is not
We definitely all agreed that most older women forget how much work childcare is.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
We are outside all the time. I have to admit we have a nice backyard set up, so it’s easy for me to want to be outside. However, it’s usually in the morning or late afternoon to avoid this heat. I also like to take the kids for walks or bike rides on occasion. Our new puppy has us outside a lot too.
Barefoot? Sometimes, but we have dogs so I hate to be barefoot in the grass too much...
My MIL is critical of other things but this is one thing she has always been in support of because she wants her grandkids to have someone at home. As many other problems we might have, I have to give her props for that.
I’ve talked to other ladies who’ve been criticized by MIL for staying at home and we came to these reasons :
-they have a daughter who has to work so they feel like their DIL needs to work too
-they always wanted to work but had to stay at home and are projecting
-they feel like when they stayed at home, they did more work than the DIL is going to do
-they babied their sons growing up and dont want him working when the wife is not
We definitely all agreed that most older women forget how much work childcare is.
My mil goes beyond criticizing. She straight IGNORES me in person. She also does passive aggressive things, like send cards addressed to only DH and the children or refer to me by my maiden name. I’m open to criticism and coaching, but she just offers negativity. My mom has reached out to her too and she’s nasty to her as well. This is retired preacher’s wife. I hope she was nicer to their parishioners, but Ive heard stories otherwise.
I’m talking myself right out of the empathy I had last night. Lol! Yup it is gone.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
@Supervixen That sounds like she has some underlying problem. Is your DH her only son? I’m sorry she treats you like that. I am petty and would refuse to go to her house and limit her contact with my children until
She can treat their mother with respect
She can treat their mother with respect
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
But, wait, that might not be the most feminine response lol!
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
No. She has two. DH is the oldest. Funny thing is he knows exactly who she is. He doesn’t deal with her much.
I have refused to stay with my in laws if/when we visit.
She is no longer welcomed in our home.
I unfriended her from FB.
I no longer update her on the girls.
I barely let the girls wear the clothes she sends (I know super petty).
Femininity is protecting your peace too. I’m completely not reconsidering her. Thanks for letting me talk this crazy stuff out.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Look, if it were me, we’d be taking the clothes she sends, douse them in gasoline, have a bonfire and letting my kids roast marshmallows over it while taking pictures to post to her page on FB
Seriously though, I hate that she is letting whatever hatred in her heart ruin what could be a wonderful relationship with both you and her grandchildren. And I’m sure that’s a source of stress for your husband.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I read your response and was like Yup I'm with ya. Probably not feminine at all but hey....feminine does not correlate to being a doormat. lol We're just trying to be out BEST selves.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Talking about mother in laws. I kinda believe that whole Ro concept, "Do NOT let another woman EVER out-nurture you". After DH left the house every time he would come get DS his mother would send me food.
It would always be some good southern food that I don't eat because it's sooo unhealthy but she would send sooo much of it like oh Pris I was thinking of you. One day when he delivered me the plate I said, "Ohhhh I was thinking of her as well tell her I made these strawberries especially for her." I had a nice pretty plate full of chocolate covered strawberries with sprinkles on them. I put two and two together. She never ate the strawberries. She NEVER ate them yall. She gave them to the grand-kids. The kids all commented on how good they were and how they wanted some more.
MIL never sent me any "I'm thinking of you" plates after that. Petty.
Now when I call she acts Ignant. She doesn't let me speak to my child. He's always sleeping or outside or etc. And she's super short with me and gets off the phone. Girl bye. No1Curr. I see him 12/14 days, I will lose no sleep not talking to him for 2 days. I live my best life on those two days lol. Take that petty somewhere else.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
I firmly believe this too.
My bff was just telling me about how her MIL brings food to her DH’s job for his lunch and also brings some for the coworkers. She was like “I try to do things like that but she just always does it so much better me” My face:
Some of these MILs are up to no good under the guise of being caring.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Lolthat food would’ve in the garbage lolI firmly believe this too.
My bff was just telling me about how her MIL brings food to her DH’s job for his lunch and also brings some for the coworkers. She was like “I try to do things like that but she just always does it so much better me” My face:
Some of these MILs are up to no good under the guise of being caring.
awhyley
Well-Known Member
Hanging in there. This change of mindset is challenging, but purposeful.
That's some straight up BS right there.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Week 26
1. I think being in education has taught me the importance of asking one question at a time. I can’t remember an applicable situation
2. I will work on being more strategic.
Some of y’all MIL need to just square up, that’s just awful.
1. I think being in education has taught me the importance of asking one question at a time. I can’t remember an applicable situation
2. I will work on being more strategic.
Some of y’all MIL need to just square up, that’s just awful.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Communication is really something I'm trying to work on. My problem is my tone, my male boss at my last job told me I sound very authoritarian, which is not my intention at all. Been working in the communication field at contact centers for about 4 years now, it's very helpful for my personal life. One thing I do now is listen more than I speak. I used to become so angry that I'd just stop listening to the other party and go ballistic 
. Baby steps
In more positive news: I'm in the full swing of planning my birthday. Will be turning 33 in about 5 days, Godwilling. Took a one week staycation and cannot wait to celebrate my day with friends & family members. Some of my plans fell through, such as the hairstyle I was planning to rock, but all is well: got a plan B
.
Hope to really become more feminine in the years to come. This forum is a Godsend!
. Baby stepsIn more positive news: I'm in the full swing of planning my birthday. Will be turning 33 in about 5 days, Godwilling. Took a one week staycation and cannot wait to celebrate my day with friends & family members. Some of my plans fell through, such as the hairstyle I was planning to rock, but all is well: got a plan B
. Hope to really become more feminine in the years to come. This forum is a Godsend!
MamaBear2012
Well-Known Member
It's interesting that you all were discussing MILs. It has come to our attention that my MIL probably has dementia. Over the course of a week, her actions have become bizarre, paranoid, confused, and downright dangerous. She lives alone, which is a battle that I lost last year when I tried to convince everyone that this was a bad idea, but that's a whole different story. So there were probably tons of signs that no one saw getting progressively worse.
Now mind you, I'm a social worker. And my Masters degree is social work with a specialization in gerontology. I have worked in hospitals, hospice, and an elderly resource center. I know Medicare and Medicaid when it comes to nursing homes, hospice, etc. like the back of my hand. I know the forms that get you into a facility, and I know the no-no's that will cause social workers to blacklist you from their facilities. I know insurance. I know what is defined as an "appropriate level of care." I have placed 100s of people. I know about guardianship and the general information that you need in my state, and I easily know how to get in contact with people who can walk us through it in her state. So...why is it that DH, my BIL, and SIL aren't listening to me? They want to take bits and pieces of what I say, then add it with "this person said" and then add their own feelings into the mix. I just don't understand it. I liken it to teachers. Everyone thinks they can be a teacher. Everyone thinks they can be a social worker. I told them what they need to do and say to get her where she needs to be. She was in a situation last night that could have easily resulted in the police being called. Still, they want to do it their way. In fact, DH said that they are going to try a certain option, then after that, they will probably do what I said. SMH. If my MIL was my patient, I would have had a "come to Jesus" moment with DH and my BIL and SIL. In these situations, the patient's safety has to be your first priority. Before your feelings, before your "she'll be mad at me," before your "I don't want her to be in that situation."
My MIL and I have never been particularly close, but she is still my MIL. On this situation though, I'm going to fall back and pray the best for her. I was already starting to get stressed because they are doing things that make no sense and she's in turn putting herself in sticky situations. But no more. I'm not going to stress. I'm going to focus on enjoying the rest of the summer with my kids. I'll provide support for my husband, but you can't make people listen. I'll let them learn on their own.
Now mind you, I'm a social worker. And my Masters degree is social work with a specialization in gerontology. I have worked in hospitals, hospice, and an elderly resource center. I know Medicare and Medicaid when it comes to nursing homes, hospice, etc. like the back of my hand. I know the forms that get you into a facility, and I know the no-no's that will cause social workers to blacklist you from their facilities. I know insurance. I know what is defined as an "appropriate level of care." I have placed 100s of people. I know about guardianship and the general information that you need in my state, and I easily know how to get in contact with people who can walk us through it in her state. So...why is it that DH, my BIL, and SIL aren't listening to me? They want to take bits and pieces of what I say, then add it with "this person said" and then add their own feelings into the mix. I just don't understand it. I liken it to teachers. Everyone thinks they can be a teacher. Everyone thinks they can be a social worker. I told them what they need to do and say to get her where she needs to be. She was in a situation last night that could have easily resulted in the police being called. Still, they want to do it their way. In fact, DH said that they are going to try a certain option, then after that, they will probably do what I said. SMH. If my MIL was my patient, I would have had a "come to Jesus" moment with DH and my BIL and SIL. In these situations, the patient's safety has to be your first priority. Before your feelings, before your "she'll be mad at me," before your "I don't want her to be in that situation."
My MIL and I have never been particularly close, but she is still my MIL. On this situation though, I'm going to fall back and pray the best for her. I was already starting to get stressed because they are doing things that make no sense and she's in turn putting herself in sticky situations. But no more. I'm not going to stress. I'm going to focus on enjoying the rest of the summer with my kids. I'll provide support for my husband, but you can't make people listen. I'll let them learn on their own.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I’ve been trying to think of other situations where the one question at a time comes up but I couldn’t. But it’s a really useful tool in your toolbox. I think the intent and being deliberate is what is important.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I am so horrible and listening more than talking and also being okay with it being quiet. I really really really need to work on this. It might even be a feminine thing it might just be personal. Im so frustrated with myself because I’ve been doing a lot in this challenge but being quiet and listening and being present (that was one of the week challenges) is hard for me.Communication is really something I'm trying to work on. My problem is my tone, my male boss at my last job told me I sound very authoritarian, which is not my intention at all. Been working in the communication field at contact centers for about 4 years now, it's very helpful for my personal life. One thing I do now is listen more than I speak. I used to become so angry that I'd just stop listening to the other party and go ballistic
In more positive news: I'm in the full swing of planning my birthday. Will be turning 33 in about 5 days, Godwilling. Took a one week staycation and cannot wait to celebrate my day with friends & family members. Some of my plans fell through, such as the hairstyle I was planning to rock, but all is well: got a plan B
View attachment 432369
Hope to really become more feminine in the years to come. This forum is a Godsend!
Do you have any videos or insight on trying to get to that point.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I don’t think I’m to the point of being able to organize a sustainable garden but being outside in my small garden gives me hope.
It makes me feel so nurturing and powerful. Every time I go outside in that garden I am reminded of how w as women have everything we need. I can have a child tomorrow and because of how magical and nurturing I am, I can sustain life and make white milk just with the blink of my eyes.
Nature is so beautiful. It’s such a great reminder that you don’t reap on the same day you sow. What seed of your life are you planting today? As we continue on the path to self improvement, let us continue watch in wonder, passion, and amazement as these new seeds of feminine grace and refinement continue to beautifully blossom and flourish.
Happy Monday my feminine beautiful ladies.
It makes me feel so nurturing and powerful. Every time I go outside in that garden I am reminded of how w as women have everything we need. I can have a child tomorrow and because of how magical and nurturing I am, I can sustain life and make white milk just with the blink of my eyes.
Nature is so beautiful. It’s such a great reminder that you don’t reap on the same day you sow. What seed of your life are you planting today? As we continue on the path to self improvement, let us continue watch in wonder, passion, and amazement as these new seeds of feminine grace and refinement continue to beautifully blossom and flourish.
Happy Monday my feminine beautiful ladies.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
The first thing I would recommend, is that $5.00 book I spoke about upthread, it's really good. It speaks about two main things: being humble and listening more than you speak. Often times we don't listen when we have a conflict with someone: we look for ways to form a rebuttal and one up them or something. That is NOT communication.
Ayize Ma'at and Aiyana Ma'at are an African-American couple, who make tons of videos about this on YouTube. They're really good imo, I've been listening to them for almost a decade and they are certified in their are of expertise as counselors for couples. She said this: talking is NOT communication. Communication is a skill. Our cultures glorifies rebuttals and witty comebacks, but most times, it really pays off to just be quiet till you can form a concise and conciliatory answer.
To give three examples:
* My older sister, who I have always looked up to once called me insignificant, she literally used that word. It really hurt me, she went off on me saying tons of very mean things. We ended up not speaking for 5 years and have only recently rekindled our relationship. I really didn't know what to say, I was devastated and didn't say anything at all. I just ended the conversation and went to work.
* My ex, who was very verbally abusive, once called me a whore after we had been intimate. It was in the middle of the night and I didn't own a car so I had to stay there in his studio apartment, even though I wanted to leave. I left the next morning. I never called him out of his name, though I might have yelled. The relationship ended soon after, for that very reason. He was very mean spirited so even after we had broken up, he infiltrated my Facebook account, with a fake name. I accepted the friendship request, only to later find out that it was him. He started saying vile things, like inviting me to go with him to a hotel and sleep with him, because I was 'that kind of girl' as he said. Again, I just remained composed, deleted him and kept it moving.
* My boss once also went off on me, saying that I was good for nothing, during one of my evaluations. And that she really didn't think I was a good cashier at all. I was very taken aback because though I didn't always smile at the customers, I was always polite and barely ever had cash differentials in my cash register. But yet again, I said nothing.
* BONUS EXAMPLE: more recently, this guy I was interested in, called me masculine after I had used a particular word. I was very taken aback and hurt, especially when you've been single for so long, you start to wonder what may be wrong with you instead of just accepting that it may be God's will for your life. But again, I just told him we could no longer be 'friends' and deleted him from my FB.
So where am I going with this? Often times we think forming a quick rebuttal is the 'smart' thing to do and in the worldly view, it truly might be. But it has consequences far beyond what we can ever imagine. Don't know if you're a believer, but my deacon once read from the Bible, saying that the reason why God wants to tame the tongue, is because it's one of the smallest organs in the body, but that causes the most damage.
A pastor once said that, when we're all young it's hard to figure out who is truly blessed and who is just posing. But once you start to mature beyond your 30s, you start to notice either two patterns in people's lives: doom&gloom or glory&blessings. That boss who went off on me? She's a divorced woman. That 'friend' who called me masculine has been in and out of relationships and is in his feelings about his younger brother being married before him. And the list goes on. 'Big doors revolve on small hinges'. It's always best to let Jesus plead your case while you remain quiet. Trust me, there are so many blessings attached to that.
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