52 Weeks Towards Divine Femininity

Brwnbeauti said:
This will be easy! Ive been waking around 8 /9 and going for a daily walk two-three times a week. I plan to continue my walks and maybe go more often. I walk for about an hour, ranging from 3-4 miles. A little sunscreen and a relaxing playlist and I’m set.
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I figured we needed an easy week to focus on some of the harder stuff like last week. I realize we’re trying to work on a lot at one time so it’s time for a breather lol
 
Sooo yesterday to practice childlikeness I answered my door and was very affectionate. I kissed my date and then I winked at him while I walked away to get my purse.

He bit his lip and ran up behind me and swept me off my feet. I started giggling, “Put me down put me down big strong he man!” :lachen::lachen::lachen: He was like oooooooh girl you so sexy. You’re like a mischievous school girl. :afro: Lol. I don’t know where the school girl part came but it was so much fun just to laugh and giggle extra hard.

I’ll try to practice some other ways to be child-like
 
Hi ladies, I'm not part of this challenge but I wanted to add to the discussion of speaking "childlike". I can honestly say, I'm not consistent, however it works. For me it is not so much sounding like a child but more like a cheerleader. Energetic, giddy and like Prississipi mentioned school girlish. I've been married 30 years and anytime my reaction is enthusiastic, DH responds with positive energy!
 
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I am so pleased to see a challenge I know that I can embrace right away. I’ve been enjoying sunning myself in the afternoon and a morning or evening constitutional to allow the children to spend some time in nature.

Has anyone mastered the art of not rushing while driving? Even when I am not pressed for time, my foot just seems to be heavy in the accelerator.
 
TracyNicole said:
I am so pleased to see a challenge I know that I can embrace right away. I’ve been enjoying sunning myself in the afternoon and a morning or evening constitutional to allow the children to spend some time in nature.

Has anyone mastered the art of not rushing while driving? Even when I am not pressed for time, my foot just seems to be heavy in the accelerator.
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I have a heavy foot as well and I was getting speeding tickets when I moved to Florida from NYC. My cure was to find a slow driver and get behind them, which forces me to slow down. After a while you train yourself to drive slower, focus on tuning into your inner self or listening to music.
 
cam2717 said:
I think the problem is in me wrangling children while DH stands there...watching the cart. This isn't limited to shopping. I actually find shopping enjoyable. The grocery store is a task to me when I have the whole family because I'm wrangling children who are seconds from knocking down the display because they are playing around, DS from opening candy, one of them from getting hurt.

But let's put it in the context of us leaving church. A few weeks ago we were leaving church. I attend a mega church which means mega traffic. We HAVE to hold DS's hand when we open the doors because he wants to run. I have to ask DH to hold DS's hand, to which he replies, "I've got him." But instead of focusing on his child, he's holding the door open for the woman behind us. And he doesn't have DS's hand. I'm now running toward the street where my child is now at the edge of the sidewalk. I'm not thinking about "I love how we come to church and I can worship with my family." I'm pissed!!! And my words show him that I'm pissed. I have no childlike words because you let my actual child run toward the street.

And honestly, DH is a great dad. At home, he's the one that gets up with the kids early. He plays with them all the time. When we go out, it's like he doesn't know these kids need boundaries and protection.
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@cam2717 darling, next time your baby goes running because DH wasn’t paying enough attention, you sit down (fall out) on that curb, hug your baby and have a full on, good old fashioned, tear filled SAD (not angry) meltdown. “DS almost got away from us babe. Anything could’ve happened! I was so scared. My whole life flashed before my eyes. We’ve got to be more present with him. Will you promise me to always ALWAYS hold his hand? You’re so much faster than me. I need you babe!”

Your DS’ masculine nature may even come out and he won’t run anymore to “protect” his mommy from crying.

@PrissiSippi gave fantastic advice. Crying works.
Sad (not angry) meltdowns are our right as women when our peace is not protected. Cry until something changes.
 
As for a lead foot: I definitely have had one. I’ve calmed down a lot over the years after the girls because I had nowhere I had to be.

Well, DD1 got into an all-day, magnet, Montessori pre-K. It’s a public school, so we don’t have tuition! Well, I’ll have to drive about 7 miles in the thick of rush hour to get her there. Now, I probably won’t get any tickets on the way because traffic will be close to a halt, but coming home may be a test of my new found will. I’m planning to get some Audible books and tune into classical and news radio just to keep me present to not succumb to my lead foot.






Side note: I’m actually feeling like I’m going to miss my Princess. We’ve spent the last 3.5 years together all day, most days. That’s my little homie! You all may have to be my sounding board come September.
 
Supervixen said:
@cam2717 darling, next time your baby goes running because DH wasn’t paying enough attention, you sit down (fall out) on that curb, hug your baby and have a full on, good old fashioned, tear filled SAD (not angry) meltdown. “DS almost got away from us babe. Anything could’ve happened! I was so scared. My whole life flashed before my eyes. We’ve got to be more present with him. Will you promise me to always ALWAYS hold his hand? You’re so much faster than me. I need you babe!”

Your DS’ masculine nature may even come out and he won’t run anymore to “protect” his mommy from crying.

@PrissiSippi gave fantastic advice. Crying works.
Sad (not angry) meltdowns are our right as women when our peace is not protected. Cry until something changes.
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I love this!

ETA: No, like, this is perfect. We need more scripts from you!
 
Supervixen said:
@cam2717 darling, next time your baby goes running because DH wasn’t paying enough attention, you sit down (fall out) on that curb, hug your baby and have a full on, good old fashioned, tear filled SAD (not angry) meltdown. “DS almost got away from us babe. Anything could’ve happened! I was so scared. My whole life flashed before my eyes. We’ve got to be more present with him. Will you promise me to always ALWAYS hold his hand? You’re so much faster than me. I need you babe!”

Your DS’ masculine nature may even come out and he won’t run anymore to “protect” his mommy from crying.

@PrissiSippi gave fantastic advice. Crying works.
Sad (not angry) meltdowns are our right as women when our peace is not protected. Cry until something changes.
Click to expand...
Love, this is perfect. Perfect! Im taking tips from this as well.

This reminds me of Shera. She said if you need a good man you need to learn how to be a good actor. Lol. You reinvent yourself everyday by being an actress.
 
Supervixen said:
As for a lead foot: I definitely have had one. I’ve calmed down a lot over the years after the girls because I had nowhere I had to be.

Well, DD1 got into an all-day, magnet, Montessori pre-K. It’s a public school, so we don’t have tuition! Well, I’ll have to drive about 7 miles in the thick of rush hour to get her there. Now, I probably won’t get any tickets on the way because traffic will be close to a halt, but coming home may be a test of my new found will. I’m planning to get some Audible books and tune into classical and news radio just to keep me present to not succumb to my lead foot.






Side note: I’m actually feeling like I’m going to miss my Princess. We’ve spent the last 3.5 years together all day, most days. That’s my little homie! You all may have to be my sounding board come September.
Click to expand...
Congrats on getting into Montessori school!!! That’s my plan for DS! My niece is in the program now so Ima see how I like it by volunteering at the school and next year I will apply for DS to get in. You know we are always a post away!
 
PrissiSippi said:
Congrats on getting into Montessori school!!! That’s my plan for DS! My niece is in the program now so Ima see how I like it by volunteering at the school and next year I will apply for DS to get in. You know we are always a post away!
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Thank youuuuuuuuu! I’ve been stalking their website and joined the FB parents’ group. It looks like they have a very active PTA and upon my visit I learned the parents came and painted beautiful, colorful murals all around the school’s campus. We’re excited but I’m going to miss my princess
 
Supervixen said:
@cam2717 darling, next time your baby goes running because DH wasn’t paying enough attention, you sit down (fall out) on that curb, hug your baby and have a full on, good old fashioned, tear filled SAD (not angry) meltdown. “DS almost got away from us babe. Anything could’ve happened! I was so scared. My whole life flashed before my eyes. We’ve got to be more present with him. Will you promise me to always ALWAYS hold his hand? You’re so much faster than me. I need you babe!”

Your DS’ masculine nature may even come out and he won’t run anymore to “protect” his mommy from crying.

@PrissiSippi gave fantastic advice. Crying works.
Sad (not angry) meltdowns are our right as women when our peace is not protected. Cry until something changes.
Click to expand...

Thank you for this. My default is anger. Always. I need to learn to be sad as weird as that sounds.
 
Brwnbeauti said:
This will be easy! Ive been waking around 8 /9 and going for a daily walk two-three times a week. I plan to continue my walks and maybe go more often. I walk for about an hour, ranging from 3-4 miles. A little sunscreen and a relaxing playlist and I’m set.
Click to expand...
I just ordered some sunscreen. I never use sunscreen but it’s been talked about so much on the board y’all finally got me to buy in.
 
This is a weird conversation I had.

Guy: Do men hate women or do they just hate women that take on male traits
Me: Any man that hates women is not a man at all. Or at least he is not a masculine man. A masculine man loves women. They balance him out and truly when they work together create a beautiful picture.
Guy:I understand what youre saying but dont get lost on the word hate. When do women take accountability
Me: When do women take accountability for men hating them? Never. Women can't control how a man feels. They can only modify THEIR actions. Likewise for men.
Guy:This is why men have to be careful how they talk to women when they're trying to have a real conversation. Because yall will get LOST on a word
Me: Not at all. I’m not lost. I was direct. Men do not hate women. I answered the question. Do you hate me?
Guy: I dont hate anyone beautiful
Me: Exactly. Eres un hombre
Guy: Eres una mujer hermosa

Now tell me if I’m reaching. I feel like he was trying to MAKE me argue. Which In Turn makes me sound very hard sounding and masculine. Because the typical answer would have the woman “dogging” these type of men. The. His rebuttal might be that women’s action “make” men hate them. Then of course they don’t like these type of women. BUT If you’re not that type of man (and he is not) why did you even ask this question?! Am I reaching?

I think I did good answering this question by deflecting. I’m trying to learn how not to go back and forth and ignore argumentative discussions like this. BUT I fell into the trap later.

He started another debate with me that if Ex DH wanted to get DS and he just popped up at my house to get him would I keep him from his son. I said him not respecting my boundaries would keep him from his son and not I. He said oh so you have to have it your way right. Don’t you think this is controlling? And I said no but if he cared so much to have his son he would have kept his family together to see his wife and son everyday so him not being able to follow boundaries is not of my concern. Plus him thinking he still has certain privledge when he is no longer my husband is controlling. Call it what you want to.

@hopeful why would he ask questions like this? Are these red flags? @Zaynab how in the world do you navigate stuff like this. It seems like I feel cornered a lot by men into discussion like this.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This is a weird conversation I had.

Guy: Do men hate women or do they just hate women that take on male traits
Me: Any man that hates women is not a man at all. Or at least he is not a masculine man. A masculine man loves women. They balance him out and truly when they work together create a beautiful picture.
Guy:I understand what youre saying but dont get lost on the word hate. When do women take accountability
Me: When do women take accountability for men hating them? Never. Women can't control how a man feels. They can only modify THEIR actions. Likewise for men.
Guy:This is why men have to be careful how they talk to women when they're trying to have a real conversation. Because yall will get LOST on a word
Me: Not at all. I’m not lost. I was direct. Men do not hate women. I answered the question. Do you hate me?
Guy: I dont hate anyone beautiful
Me: Exactly. Eres un hombre
Guy: Eres una mujer hermosa

Now tell me if I’m reaching. I feel like he was trying to MAKE me argue. Which In Turn makes me sound very hard sounding and masculine. Because the typical answer would have the woman “dogging” these type of men. The. His rebuttal might be that women’s action “make” men hate them. Then of course they don’t like these type of women. BUT If you’re not that type of man (and he is not) why did you even ask this question?! Am I reaching?

I think I did good answering this question by deflecting. I’m trying to learn how not to go back and forth and ignore argumentative discussions like this. BUT I fell into the trap later.

He started another debate with me that if Ex DH wanted to get DS and he just popped up at my house to get him would I keep him from his son. I said him not respecting my boundaries would keep him from his son and not I. He said oh so you have to have it your way right. Don’t you think this is controlling? And I said no but if he cared so much to have his son he would have kept his family together to see his wife and son everyday so him not being able to follow boundaries is not of my concern. Plus him thinking he still has certain privledge when he is no longer my husband is controlling. Call it what you want to.

@hopeful why would he ask questions like this? Are these red flags? @Zaynab how in the world do you navigate stuff like this. It seems like I feel cornered a lot by men into discussion like this.
Click to expand...

He sounds immature and like he hates women to me. Something seems off about him. I got tired from just reading that conversation. I don’t have that kind of patience anymore Prississippi. Yes, seems like red flags to me and like someone trying to figure out how far they can push you, get under your skin, and control you IMO.
 
@PrissiSippi is this the same guy that wouldn’t come and get you when you broke down?
cam2717 said:
Thank you for this. My default is anger. Always. I need to learn to be sad as weird as that sounds.
Click to expand...
I am slow to anger in general, but the grocery store does something to me lol. I understand your feelings on this. However, I’ve also noticed that with my DH that tears and my distress affect him more than my anger.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This is a weird conversation I had.

Guy: Do men hate women or do they just hate women that take on male traits
Me: Any man that hates women is not a man at all. Or at least he is not a masculine man. A masculine man loves women. They balance him out and truly when they work together create a beautiful picture.
Guy:I understand what youre saying but dont get lost on the word hate. When do women take accountability
Me: When do women take accountability for men hating them? Never. Women can't control how a man feels. They can only modify THEIR actions. Likewise for men.
Guy:This is why men have to be careful how they talk to women when they're trying to have a real conversation. Because yall will get LOST on a word
Me: Not at all. I’m not lost. I was direct. Men do not hate women. I answered the question. Do you hate me?
Guy: I dont hate anyone beautiful
Me: Exactly. Eres un hombre
Guy: Eres una mujer hermosa

Now tell me if I’m reaching. I feel like he was trying to MAKE me argue. Which In Turn makes me sound very hard sounding and masculine. Because the typical answer would have the woman “dogging” these type of men. The. His rebuttal might be that women’s action “make” men hate them. Then of course they don’t like these type of women. BUT If you’re not that type of man (and he is not) why did you even ask this question?! Am I reaching?

I think I did good answering this question by deflecting. I’m trying to learn how not to go back and forth and ignore argumentative discussions like this. BUT I fell into the trap later.

He started another debate with me that if Ex DH wanted to get DS and he just popped up at my house to get him would I keep him from his son. I said him not respecting my boundaries would keep him from his son and not I. He said oh so you have to have it your way right. Don’t you think this is controlling? And I said no but if he cared so much to have his son he would have kept his family together to see his wife and son everyday so him not being able to follow boundaries is not of my concern. Plus him thinking he still has certain privledge when he is no longer my husband is controlling. Call it what you want to.

@hopeful why would he ask questions like this? Are these red flags? @Zaynab how in the world do you navigate stuff like this. It seems like I feel cornered a lot by men into discussion like this.
Click to expand...
He sounds like he is one of these new age dudes who low key hate women. I wouldn’t even talk to him anymore honestly. Seriously don’t waste your time, on to the next option, Zero tolerance and keep it moving.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This is a weird conversation I had.

Guy: Do men hate women or do they just hate women that take on male traits
Me: Any man that hates women is not a man at all. Or at least he is not a masculine man. A masculine man loves women. They balance him out and truly when they work together create a beautiful picture.
Guy:I understand what youre saying but dont get lost on the word hate. When do women take accountability
Me: When do women take accountability for men hating them? Never. Women can't control how a man feels. They can only modify THEIR actions. Likewise for men.
Guy:This is why men have to be careful how they talk to women when they're trying to have a real conversation. Because yall will get LOST on a word
Me: Not at all. I’m not lost. I was direct. Men do not hate women. I answered the question. Do you hate me?
Guy: I dont hate anyone beautiful
Me: Exactly. Eres un hombre
Guy: Eres una mujer hermosa

Now tell me if I’m reaching. I feel like he was trying to MAKE me argue. Which In Turn makes me sound very hard sounding and masculine. Because the typical answer would have the woman “dogging” these type of men. The. His rebuttal might be that women’s action “make” men hate them. Then of course they don’t like these type of women. BUT If you’re not that type of man (and he is not) why did you even ask this question?! Am I reaching?

I think I did good answering this question by deflecting. I’m trying to learn how not to go back and forth and ignore argumentative discussions like this. BUT I fell into the trap later.

He started another debate with me that if Ex DH wanted to get DS and he just popped up at my house to get him would I keep him from his son. I said him not respecting my boundaries would keep him from his son and not I. He said oh so you have to have it your way right. Don’t you think this is controlling? And I said no but if he cared so much to have his son he would have kept his family together to see his wife and son everyday so him not being able to follow boundaries is not of my concern. Plus him thinking he still has certain privledge when he is no longer my husband is controlling. Call it what you want to.

@hopeful why would he ask questions like this? Are these red flags? @Zaynab how in the world do you navigate stuff like this. It seems like I feel cornered a lot by men into discussion like this.
Click to expand...


Lol. So, this MAN asked a WOMAN why MEN feel a certain way about women. Shouldn’t he be more of an expert in the way of men’s feelings than you? He’s the man. He should know.

Sounds like he just wanted to argue. I’m learning I don’t have to answer every question I’m asked fully or honestly. “Idk men’s thoughts sir, what do you think?” and then to whatever opinion he gives a brief, “I agree,” may have protected your peace from dubiousness.
 
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Leeda.the.Paladin said:
@PrissiSippi is this the same guy that wouldn’t come and get you when you broke down?

I am slow to anger in general, but the grocery store does something to me lol. I understand your feelings on this. However, I’ve also noticed that with my DH that tears and my distress affect him more than my anger.
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Yessss. He got major side eye for that conversation. Especially when coupled with that.
 
Maracujá said:
Good move. Did a skin analysis while at NHA2018 and the guy advised me to start using it. He laughed at me when I mentioned coconut oil as a sunscreen lol.
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I’ve started using it ever since I got sunburned one day at a water park. My friend who was with me also got sunburned and we were both shocked. I’m outside so much now that I know I need it. My facial moisturizer also has some spf.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I already know. He’s gone lol. :lachen:
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