52 Weeks Towards Divine Femininity
- Thread starter PrissiSippi
- Start date
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- Tags
- femininity
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Exactly
. It’s a tough world out there, especially for little black girls. They need their parents admiration and encouragement.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
The tru green guy comes by. Other than that nothing. We’ve had plenty of rain so I know that helps. I’ve been looking at them for weeks thinking darn that would look really good, so o grabbed some shears and went to work.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
I recently discovered her and honey, I have been binge watching her videos! I swear my life has already transformed in the past 1.5 weeks!
I like her delivery much better than Ro's
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Lolshe does have some great information. What videos do you like the most or what take always did you find? Maybe I can embed the videos.I recently discovered her and honey, I have been binge watching her videos! I swear my life has already transformed in the past 1.5 weeks!
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
I recently discovered her and honey, I have been binge watching her videos! I swear my life has already transformed in the past 1.5 weeks!
Me too.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Participants -
@PrissiSippi
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
Recap
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner
Week 2: Print or Buy a planner. Make sure you write down and plan to do things that encompass your femininity. How many times will you cook for your family so they can practice dinner etiquette? How many minutes will you hold each child a day (10-15 minutes?) How will you polish your femininity EACH day, how will you spend one on one time with your spouse each day? Have you made time to go out with a female this week to talk girl talk? Make a plan, be intentional, and write it down.
Week 3: Be more present- Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be a phone zombie. Practice makes permanent. Constantly work on cultivating your femininity by being very present with DH, SO, your children, and friends. Choose human interactions vs social media interactions this week.
Week 4: Accept him- Accept him for who he is. This includes his strengths, his weaknesses, his goals, or lack of him. He is a person full of triumphs as well as flaws just like you. (This goal is continuous)
February- Inner Self Work
Week 5: Polish Your Poise- No one can take you out of your feminine grace except you. Work on not being reactive to problems and asserting your needs but in a gentle way. Work on your look, attitude, gratitude, gaze, and overall spirit.
Week 6: Self Preservation is Key- Learn to protect your peace. Put YOU first. Have a drama blocking plan to protect yourself.
Week 7: What's in a Voice- Work on your feminine voice. Smile. Have a sing-song sweet voice at all times...especially times of struggle.
Week 8: Rock Your Wardrobe- Aim to look feminine, put together, and GOOD every day.
Week 9: Turn Rituals Into Routine
March- Home Living
Week 10: Beautify Your Environment: Buy Fresh Flowers
Week 11: Focus on Your Home Aromas
Week 12: How Clean Is Your Home
Week 13: Set the Tone in Your Home: Make Your House a Haven
April-
Week 14: Clean Up Your Social Media Accounts
Week 15: Be more mysterious: Work on your Feminine Mystique
Week 16: Take the Help/Compliments
Week 17: Got Milk? Milk Baths
May- Strategically Selfish
Week 18: You Are the Prize
Week 19: Don’t Let them Move Your Goal Post
Week 20: Put On Your Oxygen Mask First
Week 21: Drop the need to be Right: Focus Instead
Week 22: Who are Your Male Vouchers?!
Week 22: Who are your male vouchers
Even good men want to test you...or test drive you until they see there are men in your amen corner that are willing to and actively protect you at any cost.
Don’t have a male voucher? You create one. You create a fantasy.
“Oh that was my dad. He always calls me every night to make sure I’m in the house safe.”
“Oh I would love to meet you today but I have to meet with my brother. He washes my car every Friday so I don’t have to do it myself.”
“When I was growing up...my brothers didn’t play! They’re still like that. I don’t know why they’re so protective *girly laughs*”
“I never had to worry about a fight. My brothers would never let anyone mess with me.”
“My uncle is coming to see me.”
___________________________
No matter what standards a woman supposedly sets a man will test them. He will try his BEST to ignore them.
To combat this, adopt a male voucher. Male vouchers give other men clues that other men value and protect her. Because of this the new men have to fit into the standards the male voucher has set for the girl.
These male vouchers value you non sexually and are available to come to your aid or defense. If married, you definitely still need a male voucher.
It is man code for other men to copy your male vouchers' treatment of you. If you don't have one, you are left out alone, for other men to each treat you how they freely want; which is not good enough. Women don't determine this treatment like they think. Become an actor and ACT or LIE until you have a real male voucher. Create a fantasy of protection.
Remember the key is to keep the ball in YOUR court and to make them come up to YOUR standards. This is a huge reason why you should dress modestly and behave modestly too...because your male voucher (even behind the scenes) wants to keep you protected.
Use of your male voucher and promoting a fantasy of modest images, signal that you are to be respected and protected at all times because you are a very feminine woman.
They have no choice but give you what you’re used to.
Week 22 Challenge
1. Who are your male vouchers? Who protects you? How do they protect you? Even if they don’t.....strategically LIE. It’s for your best interest.
2. How do you treat and serve them?
3. How do you show them appreciation daily/weekly/monthly?
4. How can your appreciation/service to/treatment of your male vouchers improve?
Understand that learning to be strategic in creating a feminine aura about yourself is a tool that takes you a step closer to YOUR OWN PERSONAL SUCCESS and balance, serenity, and peace.
@PrissiSippi
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
Recap
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner
Week 2: Print or Buy a planner. Make sure you write down and plan to do things that encompass your femininity. How many times will you cook for your family so they can practice dinner etiquette? How many minutes will you hold each child a day (10-15 minutes?) How will you polish your femininity EACH day, how will you spend one on one time with your spouse each day? Have you made time to go out with a female this week to talk girl talk? Make a plan, be intentional, and write it down.
Week 3: Be more present- Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be a phone zombie. Practice makes permanent. Constantly work on cultivating your femininity by being very present with DH, SO, your children, and friends. Choose human interactions vs social media interactions this week.
Week 4: Accept him- Accept him for who he is. This includes his strengths, his weaknesses, his goals, or lack of him. He is a person full of triumphs as well as flaws just like you. (This goal is continuous)
February- Inner Self Work
Week 5: Polish Your Poise- No one can take you out of your feminine grace except you. Work on not being reactive to problems and asserting your needs but in a gentle way. Work on your look, attitude, gratitude, gaze, and overall spirit.
Week 6: Self Preservation is Key- Learn to protect your peace. Put YOU first. Have a drama blocking plan to protect yourself.
Week 7: What's in a Voice- Work on your feminine voice. Smile. Have a sing-song sweet voice at all times...especially times of struggle.
Week 8: Rock Your Wardrobe- Aim to look feminine, put together, and GOOD every day.
Week 9: Turn Rituals Into Routine
March- Home Living
Week 10: Beautify Your Environment: Buy Fresh Flowers
Week 11: Focus on Your Home Aromas
Week 12: How Clean Is Your Home
Week 13: Set the Tone in Your Home: Make Your House a Haven
April-
Week 14: Clean Up Your Social Media Accounts
Week 15: Be more mysterious: Work on your Feminine Mystique
Week 16: Take the Help/Compliments
Week 17: Got Milk? Milk Baths
May- Strategically Selfish
Week 18: You Are the Prize
Week 19: Don’t Let them Move Your Goal Post
Week 20: Put On Your Oxygen Mask First
Week 21: Drop the need to be Right: Focus Instead
Week 22: Who are Your Male Vouchers?!
Week 22: Who are your male vouchers
Even good men want to test you...or test drive you until they see there are men in your amen corner that are willing to and actively protect you at any cost.
Don’t have a male voucher? You create one. You create a fantasy.
“Oh that was my dad. He always calls me every night to make sure I’m in the house safe.”
“Oh I would love to meet you today but I have to meet with my brother. He washes my car every Friday so I don’t have to do it myself.”
“When I was growing up...my brothers didn’t play! They’re still like that. I don’t know why they’re so protective *girly laughs*”
“I never had to worry about a fight. My brothers would never let anyone mess with me.”
“My uncle is coming to see me.”
___________________________
No matter what standards a woman supposedly sets a man will test them. He will try his BEST to ignore them.
To combat this, adopt a male voucher. Male vouchers give other men clues that other men value and protect her. Because of this the new men have to fit into the standards the male voucher has set for the girl.
These male vouchers value you non sexually and are available to come to your aid or defense. If married, you definitely still need a male voucher.
It is man code for other men to copy your male vouchers' treatment of you. If you don't have one, you are left out alone, for other men to each treat you how they freely want; which is not good enough. Women don't determine this treatment like they think. Become an actor and ACT or LIE until you have a real male voucher. Create a fantasy of protection.
Remember the key is to keep the ball in YOUR court and to make them come up to YOUR standards. This is a huge reason why you should dress modestly and behave modestly too...because your male voucher (even behind the scenes) wants to keep you protected.
Use of your male voucher and promoting a fantasy of modest images, signal that you are to be respected and protected at all times because you are a very feminine woman.
They have no choice but give you what you’re used to.
Week 22 Challenge
1. Who are your male vouchers? Who protects you? How do they protect you? Even if they don’t.....strategically LIE. It’s for your best interest.
2. How do you treat and serve them?
3. How do you show them appreciation daily/weekly/monthly?
4. How can your appreciation/service to/treatment of your male vouchers improve?
Understand that learning to be strategic in creating a feminine aura about yourself is a tool that takes you a step closer to YOUR OWN PERSONAL SUCCESS and balance, serenity, and peace.
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You and I could be long, lost sisters. I experienced the same thing with my parents. They would discourage people from complimenting me on my looks because they didn't want me to grow up to be "vain". I am always telling my daughters how beautiful they are, how pretty their hair is, how cute their outfit is, etc... IMO, it doesn't make them vain. It makes them confident.
MamaBear2012
Well-Known Member
Thanks ladies! I just find it so weird that my parents were like that. I dote on my kids. DH does too. Every single time I do DD's hair, she runs to show DH because she knows he's going to gush over her hair and make her "twirl". DS has even gotten in on it. He is 2 and he'll say "Pretty sister" or "Beautiful hair".
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I think this is sooooo adorable.
I feel like it’s weird too. I was taught don’t play up my looks. Don’t wear makeup because you don’t need it. Wearing red makes you fast. All you need is an education. All kinds of fallacies and fairytales. Why can’t I have both?!
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
My Male Vouchers: my dad and my two brothers
Examples I’ve seen on male vouchers:
One of my friends was talking about how their husband was trying to make her drive. She said, “Oh my dad never met me drive if he was in my presence.” DH was kinda taken aback and tried to argue his point that she should drive. But he went ahead and drove because it’s expected. Her dad did it and that’s what she’s used to.
I always say this line about how my dad told me if a man won’t open up your door, let him walk out the door. My dad didn’t say that but it works. I don’t open doors. I let them do it.
One of my other friends randomly calls her brother when she’s on a date and say stuff like, “Did you call me? Oh I’m safe. Thank you for asking.”
In the flip side of you don’t have a dad...people kinda know you don’t have much protection. Don’t let men know the easy ways to mistreat you. Don’t let them know about your past bad relationships and how they went sour. Don’t let them know if your dad or brothers weren’t there for you. If they assume you have a male voucher....they know someone is checking for you and your safety. Be strategic. Use male vouchers to help you be feminine.
Examples I’ve seen on male vouchers:
One of my friends was talking about how their husband was trying to make her drive. She said, “Oh my dad never met me drive if he was in my presence.” DH was kinda taken aback and tried to argue his point that she should drive. But he went ahead and drove because it’s expected. Her dad did it and that’s what she’s used to.
I always say this line about how my dad told me if a man won’t open up your door, let him walk out the door. My dad didn’t say that but it works. I don’t open doors. I let them do it.
One of my other friends randomly calls her brother when she’s on a date and say stuff like, “Did you call me? Oh I’m safe. Thank you for asking.”
In the flip side of you don’t have a dad...people kinda know you don’t have much protection. Don’t let men know the easy ways to mistreat you. Don’t let them know about your past bad relationships and how they went sour. Don’t let them know if your dad or brothers weren’t there for you. If they assume you have a male voucher....they know someone is checking for you and your safety. Be strategic. Use male vouchers to help you be feminine.
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PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I’m working on getting DS to sleep in his crib alone. One of Ro’s thoughts is that you should always save space for your husband. Day 1 went well! I was anticipating that it wasn’t going to work and he would cry all night but actually DS whined, I gave him his cup, and he stayed sleep all night!! He’s actually still sleep right now?
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Male vouchers
Dh
My older brothers
My uncle
My male besties
I can call them for anything and I know they will show up. I made sure every guy I dated knew that I had men in my life who would come through and shut it down on my behalf. They call/text and check on me. If I’m with them they take care of everything, I don’t drive and I don’t pay. They provide objective advice and respect women in general.
I feel fortunate for a fatherless girl.
Dh
My older brothers
My uncle
My male besties
I can call them for anything and I know they will show up. I made sure every guy I dated knew that I had men in my life who would come through and shut it down on my behalf. They call/text and check on me. If I’m with them they take care of everything, I don’t drive and I don’t pay. They provide objective advice and respect women in general.
I feel fortunate for a fatherless girl.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
My male vouchers are:
My father
My brother
Uncles
Male cousins
And surprise bonus - my child's father. We are not together any more, but I have not been required to work since our son was born (though I can if I want to), and I expect the same from my future husband. He's very active and involved with our son and he still provides without my having to ask.
ETA: I don't have too many platonic male friends that I would consider close friends, but a couple that I used to hang out with before getting into my most recent relationship would always look out for me & pay for things. One even gave me his credit card to take a cab home after a concert.
My father
My brother
Uncles
Male cousins
And surprise bonus - my child's father. We are not together any more, but I have not been required to work since our son was born (though I can if I want to), and I expect the same from my future husband. He's very active and involved with our son and he still provides without my having to ask.
ETA: I don't have too many platonic male friends that I would consider close friends, but a couple that I used to hang out with before getting into my most recent relationship would always look out for me & pay for things. One even gave me his credit card to take a cab home after a concert.
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Supervixen
Well-Known Member
DH is my male voucher. Even when we were just dating, he told me certain men I had known for years were not good guys. I fought him on it and sure enough things surfaced that let me know he was right. At this point, no male speaks to me without going through him. He’s like my bodyguard.
When I was dating, my dad, brother and I had a muuuuch better relationship, so they were my male vouchers. I also had a lot of platonic guy friends that felt compelled to “protect” me. My brother’s friends were also good to me when I needed them.
When I was dating, my dad, brother and I had a muuuuch better relationship, so they were my male vouchers. I also had a lot of platonic guy friends that felt compelled to “protect” me. My brother’s friends were also good to me when I needed them.
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
My parents divorced early, so I didn't grow out with male protection, and this definitely influenced my male interactions. I never had bad relationships but I mirrored the strong, successful females around me and never learned to expect or let a man to support me.
I'm naturally girly, so this tends to bring out the good manners of most males, even my gay friends tend to "man up "around me. DH made his intentions clear early when we met, and backed up his words with actions.
I'm naturally girly, so this tends to bring out the good manners of most males, even my gay friends tend to "man up "around me. DH made his intentions clear early when we met, and backed up his words with actions.
PeaceLover
Well-Known Member
I was the only girl with 2 brothers & 4 close cousins. Everyone knew my male vouchers growing up lol! So, right now I have DH, Daddy, 2 brothers, and I’m still close to 2 of my male cousins.
I always know that I can make a phone call and have a protective male to come “save” me.
I always know that I can make a phone call and have a protective male to come “save” me.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Day 2 in the crib worked too. He whines about 5:30. I used my sweet voice to tell him it wasn’t time to wake up and he was perfectly fine with that. He decided to lie back down and sleep til 7:30. Perfect!!
I went to Sephora and polished my femininity by asking what makes my eyes look the best. They did my makeup very nice. Later I ended up going to this oyster house and poetry club afterwards. I made sure to use all my dinner etiquette tips I learned from here.
Lol I was feeling a little Dracula-esque with this cape dress. A little extra just like I like it.
I went to Sephora and polished my femininity by asking what makes my eyes look the best. They did my makeup very nice. Later I ended up going to this oyster house and poetry club afterwards. I made sure to use all my dinner etiquette tips I learned from here.
Lol I was feeling a little Dracula-esque with this cape dress. A little extra just like I like it.
Attachments
PeaceLover
Well-Known Member
This makes me think of something. DH & I moved a couple hours away from family for his job. Anyway, he has a few close friends from back home and coworkers that live in the area. Since DH is always working out of town, they will come to my rescue if needed because they know he’s serious about his family.
One night a strange guy came to my door which is weird because I stay in the middle of nowhere. I called DH panicking & he sent 3 of his friends to search all our property. I was like “oh wow I can’t believe they all got out their bed for little ole me” lol but they said “ he would never forgive us if something happened to you” so idk if I need to add DH’s friend to the list lol
One night a strange guy came to my door which is weird because I stay in the middle of nowhere. I called DH panicking & he sent 3 of his friends to search all our property. I was like “oh wow I can’t believe they all got out their bed for little ole me” lol but they said “ he would never forgive us if something happened to you” so idk if I need to add DH’s friend to the list lol
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I remember that. Yeah that was so powerful. It really stood out to me.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Now we're getting to the nitty gritty with this topic, I almost didn't participate, but here goes nothing:
My brother was incarcerated for most of his life, my cousins live far away and aren't really an example, my half brothers live far away and my father passed away when I was young. My male vouchers have always been classmates, teachers and professors. I'll never forget this: one time we all went out, in high school. And while we were at a party, a group of guys wanted to come bother us. So out of nowhere one of my classmates who was always so cool, calm and collected, grabbed a baseball bat and threatened the other group. All the boys joined him, I felt very safe and protected.
Recently, I've damaged my phone and my sister's DH suggested that he look for a refurbished iPhone for me, which is perfect since that's another thing I don't have to worry about. My pastor and the deacon also suggested to buy me or gift me a phone, but this is all so brand new to me, from the time I was 15, I've always had to look out for myself financially
.
My brother was incarcerated for most of his life, my cousins live far away and aren't really an example, my half brothers live far away and my father passed away when I was young. My male vouchers have always been classmates, teachers and professors. I'll never forget this: one time we all went out, in high school. And while we were at a party, a group of guys wanted to come bother us. So out of nowhere one of my classmates who was always so cool, calm and collected, grabbed a baseball bat and threatened the other group. All the boys joined him, I felt very safe and protected.
Recently, I've damaged my phone and my sister's DH suggested that he look for a refurbished iPhone for me, which is perfect since that's another thing I don't have to worry about. My pastor and the deacon also suggested to buy me or gift me a phone, but this is all so brand new to me, from the time I was 15, I've always had to look out for myself financially
.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
It’s important to really think back on these things and the background concerning male vouchers. As it relates to me,my dad is my pseudo voucher. I highlight the good stuff to potential suitors. I make up or hide the rest.Now we're getting to the nitty gritty with this topic, I almost didn't participate, but here goes nothing:
My brother was incarcerated for most of his life, my cousins live far away and aren't really an example, my half brothers live far away and my father passed away when I was young. My male vouchers have always been classmates, teachers and professors. I'll never forget this: one time we all went out, in high school. And while we were at a party, a group of guys wanted to come bother us. So out of nowhere one of my classmates who was always so cool, calm and collected, grabbed a baseball bat and threatened the other group. All the boys joined him, I felt very safe and protected.
Recently, I've damaged my phone and my sister's DH suggested that he look for a refurbished iPhone for me, which is perfect since that's another thing I don't have to worry about. My pastor and the deacon also suggested to buy me or gift me a phone, but this is all so brand new to me, from the time I was 15, I've always had to look out for myself financially
The truth will infuriate you at first. Then as your consciousness heightens it will grow you.
My dad is not a true voucher. He sucks. Growing up if I asked for a birthday present he had plenty of money but would buy me hand me down stuff that wasn’t what I asked for. He bought me a birthday cake once with someone else’s name on it. He didn’t even ask them to write over it. Later on Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Mother’s Day were all pagan holidays that he didn’t support or buy gifts for. He still took gifts though. He never made me feel secure special or appreciated. I coped but I merely felt tolerated. As a result I learned if I want it no man will ever give it to you. Get it for yourself. Over time I started to act just like my mom who was also treated this way by my dad. Both of us became masculine, hard, too independent, and adopted this attitude that I know all the answers and you know nothing. HOWEVER since I am now aware I NEED provision and protection and it’s okay for me to need these things, I can work on being more feminine to attract this type. Without me analyzing my childhood and pointing out who were my male vouchers, I wouldn’t be able to get that far.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Thank you for expounding on it. Everything you said makes absolute sense, all of this manifested itself in all of my romantic and semi-romantic relationships. Where I was the one always buying things for the guys, while they didn't bother to spend a dime on me. It's something God needs to work out in me. Thanks for being so transparent, this thread is a Godsent!
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
My car broke down today. I panicked. I have a newer car. It’s only 3 years old. My car should not just not crank.
Okay my potential suitor just so happened to be on the phone. He was asking me to ditch my plans and instead chill at his house.
*One of Ro’s thoughts is that a lady should NEVER enter a man’s house. He will just try to test drive you and exploit you to do wifely duties for him without a ring*
I declined and told him I was looking forward to some poetry time with myself. He said ohhh you on some selfish ish. Again a line to get me to do what he wants which is to spend time with me so who is selfish now? I laughed, noted it, and ignored it.
He asked me some deep ish on how this relates to families. I probably was too blunt and harsh with this line but I laughed and I hit him with the well when I come/cum first the family comes first.
Anyway. I told him I was scared. I told him I didn’t know what was wrong. He said I’ll come get you but I hate having maintenance men in my house when I’m not here. *excuse* So I tried to figure out the problem to the best of my ability. I googled. No help.
I got frustrated and I asked if he could come get me. He was 15 minutes away from me. He hesitated and asked was there anyone who could jump me off. And he would hate to jump me off and the problem is something else. Now that I’m thinking about it this makes me even more mad because he tinkers with cars on the side as a hobby so I don’t care what the problem was...he should come get me. He wants to be my potential man. This is probably our fifth date if not more so you def should come get me.
He asks me to ask a few people could they jump me off. I ask three people. They all didn’t have cables. Then he tells me don’t say thank you so sexy. Negro you can’t tell me how to say thank you. If you were handling the problem you wouldn’t have this problem. The problem would be solved.
I told him let me call you back and let me call my brother (male voucher). I feel like a potential suitor would not let u do this. They would be ashamed UNLESS they are a user. Now my brother really pissed me off too. He was lying in the friggin bed. He gonna ask me why am I at the reservoir. Bruh don’t ask me stupid questions. Fix the problem. It’s called leisure time. Your wife should try it. When it was evident he wasn’t freely about to fix the problem I hung up the phone and called someone else.
I’m down about all of this. I feel like I don’t have many male vouchers. They are pseudo vouchers. And my dad is getting old and my brothers have their own lives and wives so I definitely feel like I need more protection. I make sure that I keep my ducks in a row so I don’t have to be saved often BUT protection and provision is truly a NEED. I’m not going to down play it. I hope I get it soon.
Pros in the situation: I never once got out of my feminine zone. Even at the auto shop I stayed in it. Dude came to rescue me right away because I looked distraught and unhappy.
Cons in this situation: I need new male vouchers and I gotta get these squares up out my circle.
Okay my potential suitor just so happened to be on the phone. He was asking me to ditch my plans and instead chill at his house.
*One of Ro’s thoughts is that a lady should NEVER enter a man’s house. He will just try to test drive you and exploit you to do wifely duties for him without a ring*
I declined and told him I was looking forward to some poetry time with myself. He said ohhh you on some selfish ish. Again a line to get me to do what he wants which is to spend time with me so who is selfish now? I laughed, noted it, and ignored it.
He asked me some deep ish on how this relates to families. I probably was too blunt and harsh with this line but I laughed and I hit him with the well when I come/cum first the family comes first.
Anyway. I told him I was scared. I told him I didn’t know what was wrong. He said I’ll come get you but I hate having maintenance men in my house when I’m not here. *excuse* So I tried to figure out the problem to the best of my ability. I googled. No help.
I got frustrated and I asked if he could come get me. He was 15 minutes away from me. He hesitated and asked was there anyone who could jump me off. And he would hate to jump me off and the problem is something else. Now that I’m thinking about it this makes me even more mad because he tinkers with cars on the side as a hobby so I don’t care what the problem was...he should come get me. He wants to be my potential man. This is probably our fifth date if not more so you def should come get me.
He asks me to ask a few people could they jump me off. I ask three people. They all didn’t have cables. Then he tells me don’t say thank you so sexy. Negro you can’t tell me how to say thank you. If you were handling the problem you wouldn’t have this problem. The problem would be solved.
I told him let me call you back and let me call my brother (male voucher). I feel like a potential suitor would not let u do this. They would be ashamed UNLESS they are a user. Now my brother really pissed me off too. He was lying in the friggin bed. He gonna ask me why am I at the reservoir. Bruh don’t ask me stupid questions. Fix the problem. It’s called leisure time. Your wife should try it. When it was evident he wasn’t freely about to fix the problem I hung up the phone and called someone else.
I’m down about all of this. I feel like I don’t have many male vouchers. They are pseudo vouchers. And my dad is getting old and my brothers have their own lives and wives so I definitely feel like I need more protection. I make sure that I keep my ducks in a row so I don’t have to be saved often BUT protection and provision is truly a NEED. I’m not going to down play it. I hope I get it soon.
Pros in the situation: I never once got out of my feminine zone. Even at the auto shop I stayed in it. Dude came to rescue me right away because I looked distraught and unhappy.
Cons in this situation: I need new male vouchers and I gotta get these squares up out my circle.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
@PrissiSippi at least you know that this man is not for you. Don’t waste anymore of your precious time or emotion on him.
I am also without any male vouchers aside from DH. When I was dating, I definitely noticed the difference in how some men would treat you if they’d find out you didn’t grow up being made to feel special by males in your life.
I also noticed that girls/women who grew up with a lot of brothers and a doting father, usually married men who spoil them and cherish them.
I am also without any male vouchers aside from DH. When I was dating, I definitely noticed the difference in how some men would treat you if they’d find out you didn’t grow up being made to feel special by males in your life.
I also noticed that girls/women who grew up with a lot of brothers and a doting father, usually married men who spoil them and cherish them.
Jas123
The Star of a Story
Regarding the bolded- I agree make it up, hide it, be your own voucher until you get one. Let men know you were/are treated well, even if you weren't (and you should be treating yourself well so its kind of true)- so that these men know how you expect to be treated.
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
My current male vouchers are my father, brother and husband. My father spoiled me growing up. I knew I was spoiled and my friends and other family members saw it too. I remember one day as a child I wanted something and asked my mother. While I can't remember what it was, my mother's response was "ask your dad, he does anything you ask". She said it in a joking manner but I hadn't thought of it prior to that day. And it was true. My brother is married and treats his wife well too. Even though I'm married he checks on me and makes sure I have all I need. Money, good job when I need it ( we are in the same field but he has more experience and contacts). ..etc. It's not because he doesn't think DH isn't doing a good job, he just believes the women he loves need all the male protection they can get.
DH does a good job of taking care of me. In that regard, he is like my father.
DH does a good job of taking care of me. In that regard, he is like my father.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@PrissiSippi
When you wrote, “He said ohhh you on some selfish ish,” regarding you looking forward to your poetry time, I knew you were not dealing with a protector or provider. He doesn’t care about your happiness or safety. If we weren’t taught early on that we deserved to be cherished and safe then we have no choice but to learn how to be our own vouchers, cover and protect ourselves. And honestly IMO that is our lifetime job, married or not.
We have to be careful about looking for someone to save us. If we feel vulnerable we tend to attract predators. If we are overly masculine and strong we attract weak men. We have to find that delicate balance of femininity and power. Taking care of ourselves when we must, allowing others to come to our aide etc., being discerning re people’s true intentions, etc. It’s ok to want support and help but I think we have to see keeping ourselves safe as a privilege vs. I have to do this until someone else takes this on. You see if you see it as a burden the man you attract will too.
I am so sorry that the guy you are dating and your brother let you down. I know that makes you feel sad. Be grateful that this guy showed you his true colors early on. When we have too little cherishing and protecting we can be very hungry for male protection. We have to satisfy that hunger ourselves. Otherwise every little thing will feel like a big thing. My point is that even if that guy had showed up for you it would have been nice, it would have been something to note, but still at only 5 dates in, not an absolute indicator of who he is just yet. It takes time to get to know someone. Some men would have swooped in to save you because that’s who they really are, others to make you think that’s who they are.
This guy did you a favor: he was rude to you re you doing something you enjoy and he didn’t lift a finger to help you out in a time of need and was only 15 minutes away.
One last thought. The next time someone offers to help you but shows hesitation resist the temptation to save them. Say nothing to the hesitation. Focus on the offer and say thank you. And then see if they show up. If they show up see if they continue to complain. Observe. Pay attention. Allow people to really show you who they are. If it doesn’t align with what you want, leave them be. It’s not your job to fuss or teach or even be overly grateful for every little thing someone does for you. You are a beautiful young woman who deserves love, cherishing, and protection. This guy doesn’t seem like he deserves your time or interest. He’s lazy and crass. But if you decide to keep him around try to refrain from being smart with him. Black women are good at a lot of talk but still dealing with foolishness and disrespect. All that talk whether we realize it or not is a form of begging or teaching. Please get it right, please do better, etc. There are actually real men out there who wouldn’t have hesitated to save you.
When you wrote, “He said ohhh you on some selfish ish,” regarding you looking forward to your poetry time, I knew you were not dealing with a protector or provider. He doesn’t care about your happiness or safety. If we weren’t taught early on that we deserved to be cherished and safe then we have no choice but to learn how to be our own vouchers, cover and protect ourselves. And honestly IMO that is our lifetime job, married or not.
We have to be careful about looking for someone to save us. If we feel vulnerable we tend to attract predators. If we are overly masculine and strong we attract weak men. We have to find that delicate balance of femininity and power. Taking care of ourselves when we must, allowing others to come to our aide etc., being discerning re people’s true intentions, etc. It’s ok to want support and help but I think we have to see keeping ourselves safe as a privilege vs. I have to do this until someone else takes this on. You see if you see it as a burden the man you attract will too.
I am so sorry that the guy you are dating and your brother let you down. I know that makes you feel sad. Be grateful that this guy showed you his true colors early on. When we have too little cherishing and protecting we can be very hungry for male protection. We have to satisfy that hunger ourselves. Otherwise every little thing will feel like a big thing. My point is that even if that guy had showed up for you it would have been nice, it would have been something to note, but still at only 5 dates in, not an absolute indicator of who he is just yet. It takes time to get to know someone. Some men would have swooped in to save you because that’s who they really are, others to make you think that’s who they are.
This guy did you a favor: he was rude to you re you doing something you enjoy and he didn’t lift a finger to help you out in a time of need and was only 15 minutes away.
One last thought. The next time someone offers to help you but shows hesitation resist the temptation to save them. Say nothing to the hesitation. Focus on the offer and say thank you. And then see if they show up. If they show up see if they continue to complain. Observe. Pay attention. Allow people to really show you who they are. If it doesn’t align with what you want, leave them be. It’s not your job to fuss or teach or even be overly grateful for every little thing someone does for you. You are a beautiful young woman who deserves love, cherishing, and protection. This guy doesn’t seem like he deserves your time or interest. He’s lazy and crass. But if you decide to keep him around try to refrain from being smart with him. Black women are good at a lot of talk but still dealing with foolishness and disrespect. All that talk whether we realize it or not is a form of begging or teaching. Please get it right, please do better, etc. There are actually real men out there who wouldn’t have hesitated to save you.
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