52 Weeks Towards Divine Femininity

[PrissiSippi]

@PrissiSippi
When you wrote, “He said ohhh you on some selfish ish,” regarding you looking forward to your poetry time, I knew you were not dealing with a protector or provider. He doesn’t care about your happiness or safety. If we weren’t taught early on that we deserved to be cherished and safe then we have no choice but to learn how to be our own vouchers, cover and protect ourselves. And honestly IMO that is our lifetime job, married or not.

We have to be careful about looking for someone to save us. If we feel vulnerable we tend to attract predators. If we are overly masculine and strong we attract weak men. We have to find that delicate balance of femininity and power. Taking care of ourselves when we must, allowing others to come to our aide etc., being discerning re people’s true intentions, etc. It’s ok to want support and help but I think we have to see keeping ourselves safe as a privilege vs. I have to do this until someone else takes this on. You see if you see it as a burden the man you attract will too.

I am so sorry that the guy you are dating and your brother let you down. I know that makes you feel sad. Be grateful that this guy showed you his true colors early on. When we have too little cherishing and protecting we can be very hungry for male protection. We have to satisfy that hunger ourselves. Otherwise every little thing will feel like a big thing. My point is that even if that guy had showed up for you it would have been nice, it would have been something to note, but still at only 5 dates in, not an absolute indicator of who he is just yet. It takes time to get to know someone. Some men would have swooped in to save you because that’s who they really are, others to make you think that’s who they are.

This guy did you a favor: he was rude to you re you doing something you enjoy and he didn’t lift a finger to help you out in a time of need and was only 15 minutes away.

One last thought. The next time someone offers to help you but shows hesitation resist the temptation to save them. Say nothing to the hesitation. Focus on the offer and say thank you. And then see if they show up. If they show up see if they continue to complain. Observe. Pay attention. Allow people to really show you who they are. If it doesn’t align with what you want, leave them be. It’s not your job to fuss or teach or even be overly grateful for every little thing someone does for you. You are a beautiful young woman who deserves love, cherishing, and protection. This guy doesn’t seem like he deserves your time or interest. He’s lazy and crass. But if you decide to keep him around try to refrain from being smart with him. Black women are good at a lot of talk but still dealing with foolishness and disrespect. All that talk whether we realize it or not is a form of begging or teaching. Please get it right, please do better, etc. There are actually real men out there who wouldn’t have hesitated to save you.

I love this. You can be and you are loved for being just like a flower....just being.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I had a conversation with my oldest friends recently. It made me really grateful for you all.
Points they made:
You should find and marry a man for his potential but women should be independent and able to take care of themselves
I’d rather be married poor and happy than with a provider and unhappy
Don’t have income expectations for men
We gotta lift up our black men

It made me angry then sad for them. You shouldn’t find a man, you should be making a choice out of various options. And who knows what will happen to potential? Your relationship with your dh will change- a true provider will be open to providing in all ways required, but poverty is hard to escape and will likely be passed down to your children. How do you not have a lifestyle expectation and sweet baby Jesus it is not my job to indiscriminately uplift “our” black men.

I mean they were taking real shots at well kept women and I was just wondering where their information came from. And feeling some type of way

 

[PrissiSippi]

I had a conversation with my oldest friends recently. It made me really grateful for you all.
Points they made:
You should find and marry a man for his potential but women should be independent and able to take care of themselves
I’d rather be married poor and happy than with a provider and unhappy
Don’t have income expectations for men
We gotta lift up our black men

It made me angry then sad for them. You shouldn’t find a man, you should be making a choice out of various options. And who knows what will happen to potential? Your relationship with your dh will change- a true provider will be open to providing in all ways required, but poverty is hard to escape and will likely be passed down to your children. How do you not have a lifestyle expectation and sweet baby Jesus it is not my job to indiscriminately uplift “our” black men.

I mean they were taking real shots at well kept women and I was just wondering where their information came from. And feeling some type of way

I am so thankful for this group and the progress we are making!

 

[hopeful]

I love this. You can be and you are loved for being just like a flower....just being.

Right .

 

[PrissiSippi]

Basically what we’re doing is a lot of feminine social refinement.

In her book Fascinating Womanhood, Mrs. Andelin addresses refinement in a chapter titled “The Feminine Manner”. Her insights are well thought out and highly challenging.

“One of the marks of a feminine woman is refinement, which implies good social breeding. This means to be tactful, courteous, diplomatic, considerate, sensitive to the feelings of others, and the picture of propriety, good taste, and graciousness. A refined person is careful not to offend anyone, is never rude, impolite, inconsiderate, crude, coarse, or vulgar.”

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I thought this was nice plating of shrimp and grits. I’m going to try it out once I get some little glass cup things like that

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I had a conversation with my oldest friends recently. It made me really grateful for you all.
Points they made:
You should find and marry a man for his potential but women should be independent and able to take care of themselves
I’d rather be married poor and happy than with a provider and unhappy
Don’t have income expectations for men
We gotta lift up our black men

It made me angry then sad for them. You shouldn’t find a man, you should be making a choice out of various options. And who knows what will happen to potential? Your relationship with your dh will change- a true provider will be open to providing in all ways required, but poverty is hard to escape and will likely be passed down to your children. How do you not have a lifestyle expectation and sweet baby Jesus it is not my job to indiscriminately uplift “our” black men.

I mean they were taking real shots at well kept women and I was just wondering where their information came from. And feeling some type of way

I think a lot of people have given up on the idea that there are men out there who want to provide and protect for their wives. I try to cut those conversations short lol! If they aren’t ready, they just aren’t but I’m not going to let that stop me.

 

[awhyley]

It’s important to really think back on these things and the background concerning male vouchers. As it relates to me,my dad is my pseudo voucher. I highlight the good stuff to potential suitors. I make up or hide the rest.
The truth will infuriate you at first. Then as your consciousness heightens it will grow you.

It's funny that this is being mentioned here, because in the 'Asian women' thread, someone posted about always acting as if you're covered, (even if you have to pretend). Pseudo voucher, I like that term. But it infuriates me to give cred where it's not due. I understand that it's for my benefit, but acting like he cares on the outside, hurts me on the inside. [I have other male vouchers thank goodness, but the father is the one that most people expect to be the main voucher, so it's odd when you refer to other people].

My dad is not a true voucher. He sucks. Growing up if I asked for a birthday present he had plenty of money but would buy me hand me down stuff that wasn’t what I asked for. He bought me a birthday cake once with someone else’s name on it. He didn’t even ask them to write over it. Later on Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Mother’s Day were all pagan holidays that he didn’t support or buy gifts for. He still took gifts though. He never made me feel secure special or appreciated. I coped but I merely felt tolerated.

At least you got presents and a cake. If it wasn't for my mother, me and my sister wouldn't have gotten anything. My mother would have to remind him when our birthdays were, but it all heck would break lose if he forgot his birthday or other milestones.

As a result I learned if I want it no man will ever give it to you. Get it for yourself. Over time I started to act just like my mom who was also treated this way by my dad. Both of us became masculine, hard, too independent, and adopted this attitude that I know all the answers and you know nothing. HOWEVER since I am now aware I NEED provision and protection and it’s okay for me to need these things, I can work on being more feminine to attract this type. Without me analyzing my childhood and pointing out who were my male vouchers, I wouldn’t be able to get that far.

I'm very much the former, and am now learning the latter. You ladies are a Godsend.

 

[Supervixen]

DH is my male voucher. Even when we were just dating, he told me certain men I had known for years were not good guys. I fought him on it and sure enough things surfaced that let me know he was right. At this point, no male speaks to me without going through him. He’s like my bodyguard.

When I was dating, my dad, brother and I had a muuuuch better relationship, so they were my male vouchers. I also had a lot of platonic guy friends that felt compelled to “protect” me. My brother’s friends were also good to me when I needed them.

Crazy! We saw one of the guys yesterday at a street festival. Of course the guy was trying to speak to me and I was avoiding eye contact with him. DH stepped in and said, “Look man, this is my wife, you don’t speak to her without addressing me,” I LOVE THIS MAN!

 

[Supervixen]

I had a conversation with my oldest friends recently. It made me really grateful for you all.
Points they made:
You should find and marry a man for his potential but women should be independent and able to take care of themselves
I’d rather be married poor and happy than with a provider and unhappy
Don’t have income expectations for men
We gotta lift up our black men

It made me angry then sad for them. You shouldn’t find a man, you should be making a choice out of various options. And who knows what will happen to potential? Your relationship with your dh will change- a true provider will be open to providing in all ways required, but poverty is hard to escape and will likely be passed down to your children. How do you not have a lifestyle expectation and sweet baby Jesus it is not my job to indiscriminately uplift “our” black men.

I mean they were taking real shots at well kept women and I was just wondering where their information came from. And feeling some type of way

Le sigh.

I know first hand.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Le sigh.

I know first hand.

“It’s nothing like a woman who has her own.”

“My momma did it ALL and she had perfectly well raised children.”

“I mean if you are a stay at home mother what exactly do you do all day. I couldn’t do it. Sounds lazy to me.”

It’s exhausting and disheartening. Why can’t I have BOTH. Why can’t I have options? Why can’t I have ambition, a life, education, AND provision?

 

[snoop]

@PrissiSippi
When you wrote, “He said ohhh you on some selfish ish,” regarding you looking forward to your poetry time, I knew you were not dealing with a protector or provider. He doesn’t care about your happiness or safety.

...

We have to be careful about looking for someone to save us. If we feel vulnerable we tend to attract predators. If we are overly masculine and strong we attract weak men. We have to find that delicate balance of femininity and power. Taking care of ourselves when we must, allowing others to come to our aide etc., being discerning re people’s true intentions, etc.

...

I am so sorry that the guy you are dating and your brother let you down. I know that makes you feel sad. Be grateful that this guy showed you his true colors early on. When we have too little cherishing and protecting we can be very hungry for male protection. We have to satisfy that hunger ourselves. Otherwise every little thing will feel like a big thing. My point is that even if that guy had showed up for you it would have been nice, it would have been something to note, but still at only 5 dates in, not an absolute indicator of who he is just yet. It takes time to get to know someone. Some men would have swooped in to save you because that’s who they really are, others to make you think that’s who they are.

This guy did you a favor: he was rude to you re you doing something you enjoy and he didn’t lift a finger to help you out in a time of need and was only 15 minutes away.

....

One last thought. The next time someone offers to help you but shows hesitation resist the temptation to save them. Say nothing to the hesitation. Focus on the offer and say thank you. And then see if they show up. If they show up see if they continue to complain. Observe. Pay attention. Allow people to really show you who they are. If it doesn’t align with what you want, leave them be. It’s not your job to fuss or teach or even be overly grateful for every little thing someone does for you.

I cut out a bunch of stuff to make the quote shorter, but you said a lot that resonated with me....

I think I mentioned it earlier, but I still fall back to the 3 c's that I learned in elementary school: caring, courtesy, and consideration. @PrissiSippi, I don't think your feminine energy has anything to do with the dude that you are dating. He lacked those 3 c's when a fellow person called on him for assistance. It wasn't as if you were a stranger on the street and he was driving by, you made a direct call for help and he brushed you off -- yet he wanted you to get him off? I always think that it's a bad sign when someone can't at least fake it in the early dating stage. That's when everyone is trying to put in their best effort (at best) or fake it (at worst) and you can't even do any of those things...?

I am working on the feminity/power balance through this thread. DH is not an alpha male and he doesn't cover me as much as he could. He provides, but he is not well practiced at the little things that come easy to others, by way of certain hospitalities and social practices, so sometimes I need to ask twice. HOWEVER, I've been sharing some of what I've been learning and he's internalizing it and has been improving on his masculine power. So we're making strides together and he's been getting so much better at doing things without me having to ask at all.

Right now my dad, DH and one other guy friend are my male vouchers.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I cut out a bunch of stuff to make the quote shorter, but you said a lot that resonated with me....

I think I mentioned it earlier, but I still fall back to the 3 c's that I learned in elementary school: caring, courtesy, and consideration. @PrissiSippi, I don't think your feminine energy has anything to do with the dude that you are dating. He lacked those 3 c's when a fellow person called on him for assistance. It wasn't as if you were a stranger on the street and he was driving by, you made a direct call for help and he brushed you off -- yet he wanted you to get him off? I always think that it's a bad sign when someone can't at least fake it in the early dating stage. That's when everyone is trying to put in their best effort (at best) or fake it (at worst) and you can't even do any of those things...?

I am working on the feminity/power balance through this thread. DH is not an alpha male and he doesn't cover me as much as he could. He provides, but he is not well practiced at the little things that come easy to others, by way of certain hospitalities and social practices, so sometimes I need to ask twice. HOWEVER, I've been sharing some of what I've been learning and he's internalizing it and has been improving on his masculine power. So we're making strides together and he's been getting so much better at doing things without me having to ask at all.

Right now my dad, DH and one other guy friend are my male vouchers.

This is how I feel. @PeaceLover isbalways touching on how men treat you the very best in the very beginning. Because of this I look at every little thing that occurs and take note.

However, I do realize men have to be indirectly taught how to do a few things.

This particular guy I did a classic Ro/Fascinating Womanhood move. I went silent for about a day. I let him lead after to called and called and called to figure out what was wrong. I am so proud of myself. I was so in control. I used my super sweet feminine voice and talked very very low in almost a whisper. I keep it so short and simple: I called for your protection. You didn’t come through. I felt neglected. No matter what excuse was given I went back to I felt neglected.

He got quiet for a minute. He left Work on his lunch break, skipped lunch, apologized, fixed my car, took out all my trash, brought me a surprise, cooked for me, cut my DS’s hair, took me out to eat he next day, bought groceries for my house for the week, noted that I wasn’t protected the other day either so he bought me some mace just in case that problem happens again, and gave me hugs and kisses all day.

He went through leaps and bounds to correct this mistake.

 

[snoop]

This is how I feel. @PeaceLover isbalways touching on how men treat you the very best in the very beginning. Because of this I look at every little thing that occurs and take note.

However, I do realize men have to be indirectly taught how to do a few things.

This particular guy I did a classic Ro/Fascinating Womanhood move. I went silent for about a day. I let him lead after to called and called and called to figure out what was wrong. I am so proud of myself. I was so in control. I used my super sweet feminine voice and talked very very low in almost a whisper. I keep it so short and simple: I called for your protection. You didn’t come through. I felt neglected. No matter what excuse was given I went back to I felt neglected.

He got quiet for a minute. He left Work on his lunch break, skipped lunch, apologized, fixed my car, took out all my trash, brought me a surprise, cooked for me, cut my DS’s hair, took me out to eat he next day, bought groceries for my house for the week, noted that I wasn’t protected the other day either so he bought me some mace just in case that problem happens again, and gave me hugs and kisses all day.

He went through leaps and bounds to correct this mistake.

Damn, son! I can break your car again for you next week, if you want...

 

[PrissiSippi]

Damn, son! I can break your car again for you next week, if you want...

Why didn’t I think of that lol. Heck yeah lol.

 

[awhyley]

Sidenote: I read this morning about people putting their flowers in the fridge, in order to make them last longer. Does anyone do that here? Does it work?

 

[Supervixen]

Sidenote: I read this morning about people putting their flowers in the fridge, in order to make them last longer. Does anyone do that here? Does it work?

I feel like it does. I put them in each night.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I feel like it does. I put them in each night.

I have never tried this. Lol I don’t know if I have room in the fridge.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Participants -

@PrissiSippi
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123




Recap

Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner

Week 2: Print or Buy a planner. Make sure you write down and plan to do things that encompass your femininity. How many times will you cook for your family so they can practice dinner etiquette? How many minutes will you hold each child a day (10-15 minutes?) How will you polish your femininity EACH day, how will you spend one on one time with your spouse each day? Have you made time to go out with a female this week to talk girl talk? Make a plan, be intentional, and write it down.

Week 3: Be more present- Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be a phone zombie. Practice makes permanent. Constantly work on cultivating your femininity by being very present with DH, SO, your children, and friends. Choose human interactions vs social media interactions this week.

Week 4: Accept him- Accept him for who he is. This includes his strengths, his weaknesses, his goals, or lack of him. He is a person full of triumphs as well as flaws just like you. (This goal is continuous)
February- Inner Self Work
Week 5: Polish Your Poise- No one can take you out of your feminine grace except you. Work on not being reactive to problems and asserting your needs but in a gentle way. Work on your look, attitude, gratitude, gaze, and overall spirit.

Week 6: Self Preservation is Key- Learn to protect your peace. Put YOU first. Have a drama blocking plan to protect yourself.

Week 7: What's in a Voice- Work on your feminine voice. Smile. Have a sing-song sweet voice at all times...especially times of struggle.

Week 8: Rock Your Wardrobe- Aim to look feminine, put together, and GOOD every day.
Week 9: Turn Rituals Into Routine
March- Home Living
Week 10: Beautify Your Environment: Buy Fresh Flowers
Week 11: Focus on Your Home Aromas
Week 12: How Clean Is Your Home
Week 13: Set the Tone in Your Home: Make Your House a Haven
April-
Week 14: Clean Up Your Social Media Accounts
Week 15: Be more mysterious: Work on your Feminine Mystique
Week 16: Take the Help/Compliments
Week 17: Got Milk? Milk Baths
May- Strategically Selfish
Week 18: You Are the Prize
Week 19: Don’t Let them Move Your Goal Post
Week 20: Put On Your Oxygen Mask First
Week 21: Drop the need to be Right: Focus Instead
Week 22: Who are Your Male Vouchers?!
June- Feminine Refinement
Week 23- Leisure Time/ Become Well Read



Week 23: Manage Your Leisure Time/ Become Well Read

What are you out at the reservoir for. I responded, “Writing Poetry.” My brother kind of scoffed. It was a tone I’ve heard oh too much. Silently he was yelling...go do something productive. Go do something worth your while. Leisure time is not important. Be a busy bee.

Participating in leisure and recreation activities can help you become more feminine and in turn help you to better manage stress and reduce depression. Leisure provides you the chance to find balance in your life; it also puts you in control of how you're spending your time, which is an important consideration because you may feel overwhelmed by obligations from your husband, SO, family or children.

Identify those things that make your heart sing. Some will find this so easy; they’ll assume it should go without saying. But a surprising number of people devote so much of their time to work that they’ve forgotten what it is they truly love to do just for fun. Whether it’s physical activities like dancing, tennis, doodling, playing outside, or fishing, or craft activities like photography, sewing or knitting, find those things that create joy and contentment in your heart. Pencil yourself in above everything else. Put yourself FIRST.


Pull your planner out if you have to and continue to pencil in time for yourself. Make time for YOU. Take care of yourself and do it WELL!

One way to accomplish this is to become well read. It will give you more to talk about in conversations and help you to become more well rounded.

Be well read. You don’t need a college degree (although there’s certainly nothing wrong with having one) to be able to read good books! I’m not referring to self-help books. Develop your mind by reading classics, books about history, literature, biographies of important people and missionaries, and other tasteful genres of reading.


___________________________


Week 23 Challenge
1. Name 3 books you intend to read that are not self-help books. Specifically, make time to read for leisure.
2. What are you doing in your leisure time? Make a plan to pencil in leisure time each day. Bath time? Read a book for 20 minutes a day? Walk a mile or two? Sit on the beach? Play in the garden? Brunch with some friends? Play on a playground? Work on developing your leisure plan. What can you do for leisure each day?
3. Choose a book or series of articles to read on self-development. Read it for 5 minutes each night before you go to bed, or before getting out of bed. What did you learn?

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

He got quiet for a minute. He left Work on his lunch break, skipped lunch, apologized, fixed my car, took out all my trash, brought me a surprise, cooked for me, cut my DS’s hair, took me out to eat he next day, bought groceries for my house for the week, noted that I wasn’t protected the other day either so he bought me some mace just in case that problem happens again, and gave me hugs and kisses all day.

This is nice but still Watch out. Its cool to be there for you when he wants to be there but he needs to be there when you need him too (and it’s inconvenient for him). He has shown you what he has to offer in an emergency situation. His comments about you being selfish would still be in my mind as well. Don’t let him camouflage his true self with a few good actions.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

What are you out at the reservoir for. I responded, “Writing Poetry.” My brother kind of scoffed. It was a tone I’ve heard oh too much. Silently he was yelling...go do something productive. Go do something worth your while. Leisure time is not important. Be a busy bee.

Participating in leisure and recreation activities can help you become more feminine and in turn help you to better manage stress and reduce depression. Leisure provides you the chance to find balance in your life; it also puts you in control of how you're spending your time, which is an important consideration because you may feel overwhelmed by obligations from your husband, SO, family or children.

Identify those things that make your heart sing. Some will find this so easy; they’ll assume it should go without saying. But a surprising number of people devote so much of their time to work that they’ve forgotten what it is they truly love to do just for fun. Whether it’s physical activities like dancing, tennis, doodling, playing outside, or fishing, or craft activities like photography, sewing or knitting, find those things that create joy and contentment in your heart. Pencil yourself in above everything else. Put yourself FIRST.

This is so true and something I’ve had trouble with, especially since one of my besties moved to New Orleans. She always got me out to do fun things. Lately I’ve been in a rut but I will try to do better .

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I feel like it does. I put them in each night.

Hmm this sounds great but our fridge is always so packed. Maybe I could use the other fridge. Come to think of it, the flowers at the grocery store are always in a cold shelf.

 

[PrissiSippi]

This is nice but still Watch out. Its cool to be there for you when he wants to be there but he needs to be there when you need him too (and it’s inconvenient for him). He has shown you what he has to offer in an emergency situation. His comments about you being selfish would still be in my mind as well. Don’t let him camouflage his true self with a few good actions.

Exactly!!! I was thinking of this as well.

 

[MamaBear2012]

I've always been a reader. I was the kid up in the middle of the night reading books while my parents thought I was asleep. But after I had kids, it just has been so hard to make the time to read. I'm not even saying that I don't have time for myself because I do. But when I have that time, I either want to binge watch something on Netflix, sew, or do something else. For some reason though, I think it's because I have a new group of girlfriends who have been talking about a book club, I have started making more time to read in the last few weeks.

I'm currently reading "Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life" by Shauna Niequist, "Cuba Diaries" by Isadora Tatlin, and "How to be an American Housewife" by Margaret Dilloway. All three have been pretty good.

 

[Maracujá]

I've always been a reader. I was the kid up in the middle of the night reading books while my parents thought I was asleep. But after I had kids, it just has been so hard to make the time to read. I'm not even saying that I don't have time for myself because I do. But when I have that time, I either want to binge watch something on Netflix, sew, or do something else. For some reason though, I think it's because I have a new group of girlfriends who have been talking about a book club, I have started making more time to read in the last few weeks.

I'm currently reading "Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life" by Shauna Niequist, "Cuba Diaries" by Isadora Tatlin, and "How to be an American Housewife" by Margaret Dilloway. All three have been pretty good.

Same here: love love love to read. My mom almost had a fit when she saw that I had a bunch of books in lieu of a television set. Great thing about living in my neighborhood is that I live nearby one of my favorite bookshops, which is also one of the best in my area anyway. I try to alternate between buying books online and visiting brick and mortar bookshops.

On topic now: this week's challenge is right on time. Last week I was thinking about a particular situation that occurred 13 years ago, when I was in an abusive relationship. The guy was upper middle class whereas I'm working class. We went to eat at a restaurant and I enjoyed the food so much, that I wanted seconds. He got upset and said that this is absolutely not done in this culture. I asked for seconds anyway and watched as he walked away from me and left me there alone. It was very embarrassing. In terms of feminine refinement: is it uncouth to ask for seconds at a non-buffet restaurant? Y'all can be honest with me.

 

[Dee-Licious]

. In terms of feminine refinement: is it uncouth to ask for seconds at a non-buffet restaurant? Y'all can be honest with me.

I'd say yes "uncouth".
Was it a place with really tiny portions? That miiiiight make it excusable .

 

[Maracujá]

I'd say yes "uncouth".
Was it a place with really tiny portions? That miiiiight make it excusable .

I knew I could count on y'all bougie ladies to be frank with me . To be completely honest, I don't even remember if the portions were small, probably not given my appetite. Once again, thanks for your honesty.

 

[NijaG]

@Maracujá

Couth or uncouth is a matter of perspective and situation.

The guy didn’t have to react the way he did. He could have taken pleasure in the fact that you enjoyed the place he brought you to. That he introduced you to an experience new to you. Ordered you several new dishes to either take or deliver to your place.

Instead he power tripped and decided to play games. He did one of those neg-hit things those wanna be players are taught to do to gain the psychological upper hand when dating.

He was a jerk. He didn’t have to embarrass u like that.

ETA: If he wanted someone who know all the rules of this UE circle, then he should have dated his own kind from the get-go.

 

[Sosoothing]

I'd say yes "uncouth".
Was it a place with really tiny portions? That miiiiight make it excusable .

@Maracujá
Yes, it is considered unladylike to get seconds. But I wonder if you can get 2nds and take them home. That is something I would do. I absolutely enjoy food so I understand wanting to order 2nds if a dish is simply scrumptious .
Dessert is what I normally take home. Cake is my weakness.

 

[Maracujá]

@Maracujá

Couth or uncouth is a matter of perspective and situation.

The guy didn’t have to react the way he did. He could have taken pleasure in the fact that you enjoyed the place he brought you to. That he introduced you to an experience new to you. Ordered you several new dishes to either take or deliver to your place.

Instead he power tripped and decided to play games. He did one of those neg-hit things those wanna be players are taught to do to gain the psychological upper hand when dating.

He was a jerk. He didn’t have to embarrass u like that.

ETA: If he wanted someone who know all the rules of this UE circle, then he should have dated his own kind from the get-go.

When I tell you that your whole post is my entire frame of mind, I MEAN IT. But I keep getting shut down because of it, not so much in friendships, but in romantic relationships. Personally, I've always just wanted to be completely spiritually naked in a relationship and I thought that was the point of it: your safeguard away from the hectic world. The whole idea of walking on eggshells at the workplace, in the world AND at home does not appeal to me at all. As a Christian it reminds me of the Pharisees, they had all these rules that they adhered to, but they didn't have life nor real faith.