52 Weeks Towards Divine Femininity

[QUOTE="PrissiSippi, post: 247

Week 18 Challenge
1. In what ways do you need to change to get into the whole mantra that you are the prize?
2. As a continuation from last week in your planner, write down something small you will do for yourself every day Ex: Walk, plate food, go experience nature, go to a fitness class, have brunch with the girls, go to a concert. Make sure it benefits you and mostly only you. Be strategically selfish as it relates to polishing your femininity. ​
[/QUOTE]


I'm still struggling with shopping for new clothes, but I think that I need to KM my wardrobe again and get rid of anything that really isns't bringing me joy. Right now I am looking at a bunch of items that aren't making me happy and I think that now that the seasons have changed and I've lost the baby weight, I can get rid of the pseudo-maternity wear once and for all.

I might have also found some perfume that I might buy. I'm looking for something super light and floral -- younger, fun, sunny, and feminine instead of something stronger and more suited for night time. Up here, it's been decades since we've been discouraged from wearing (strong) scents -- particularly in the workplace. But I think that scents add to the feminine and masculine allure.
 
NijaG said:
@Supervixen

Instead of stressing out or getting angry......

Next time just hire someone to clean the mess.

If the kids make messes under his watch and he doesn’t want to clean it up, hire someone else to since they are still too young to really help.

Small or big mess..... leave it and hire someone.
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THANK YOU!!!!!!

I just had an *aha* moment--I'm cheap about outsourcing. He's not. He gets lawn service, has a handful of handyman friends and is willing to pay for whatever the house needs.

I take on the princesses, cooking and cleaning all myself. I outsource nothing--we have pizza on Friday. I cook every other day. He's been explicit that he wants me to pay for whatever I need to stay calm and stress free. I thought I would be perceived as lazy if I did that...I refused to realize those are three MAJOR DAILY feats. I enjoy cooking. Cleaning is just necessary. So, cleaning will be outsourced.
 
@Supervixen

Good for you!!!
All this Superwoman stuff is for birds. Gives you stress and wrinkles.

He has no problem outsourcing and enjoying his free time relaxing.

Do the same.... anything you don’t like to do, outsource it.

Also I would suggest (if you don’t already) getting a part-time babysitter/nanny, so you can have some really free off days to yourself.
 
@Supervixen

I learned that anger is a secondary emotion. It comes about due to another initial feeling such as fear, doubt, guilt, shame, disappointment, anxiety and so forth.
For men (and women too) it can be much easier to just get mad than to say "I'm ashamed I wasn't responsible and let the kids write all over the walls".
My husband gets mad a me too when I'm mad at him. He enjoys pleasing me and I have realized he gets disappointed when I'm not happy with him. Instead of just telling me, he is disappointed he let me down, it's easier for him and more macho I guess to just be mad.

I disagree that anger is a masculine emotion. Anger is a human emotion. One that is God given. We need anger too seeing how it can be a great motivator for positive change and action. It's OK for women to feel angry. What matters is how we express it and what we choose to do about it.

I silently follow this thread and I hope I'm not kicked out for my opinions on anger not strictly being a masculine emotion :lol:.
 
Sosoothing said:
@Supervixen

I learned that anger is a secondary emotion. It comes about due to another initial feeling such as fear, doubt, guilt, shame, disappointment, anxiety and so forth.
For men (and women too) it can be much easier to just get mad than to say "I'm ashamed I wasn't responsible and let the kids write all over the walls".
My husband gets mad a me too when I'm mad at him. He enjoys pleasing me and I have realized he gets disappointed when I'm not happy with him. Instead of just telling me, he is disappointed he let me down, it's easier for him and more macho I guess to just be mad.

I disagree that anger is a masculine emotion. Anger is a human emotion. One that is God given. We need anger too seeing how it can be a great motivator for positive change and action. It's OK for women to feel angry. What matters is how we express it and what we choose to do about it.

I silently follow this thread and I hope I'm not kicked out for my opinions on anger not strictly being a masculine emotion :lol:.
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Thank you dear.
 
NijaG said:
@Supervixen

Good for you!!!
All this Superwoman stuff is for birds. Gives you stress and wrinkles.

He has no problem outsourcing and enjoying his free time relaxing.

Do the same.... anything you don’t like to do, outsource it.

Also I would suggest (if you don’t already) getting a part-time babysitter/nanny, so you can have some really free off days to yourself.
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Yes yes and yes. Yeeeeeeees

There has to be a balance.

We strive to be feminine but that NEVER involves being a doormat or treated like your feelings, your anger, and your annoyance is not important. You had a reason to be mad.

I would outsource it too but I would put source it to my husband. Unless they just KILT the walls I don’t see you hiring someone for this. I’d probably be damsel in distress oh noooo the walls got destroyed. Whatever will I do lol.

Id hope he would rescue you and solve the problem. I would retreat back to my bedroom unbothered and paint my nails. Lol

Idk. I feel like He’s an adult and he knows better. Men learn through disappointment. Let him see your sadness. Let him see your hurt and disdain. And give him time to make it right.
 
Sosoothing said:
@Supervixen

I learned that anger is a secondary emotion. It comes about due to another initial feeling such as fear, doubt, guilt, shame, disappointment, anxiety and so forth.
For men (and women too) it can be much easier to just get mad than to say "I'm ashamed I wasn't responsible and let the kids write all over the walls".
My husband gets mad a me too when I'm mad at him. He enjoys pleasing me and I have realized he gets disappointed when I'm not happy with him. Instead of just telling me, he is disappointed he let me down, it's easier for him and more macho I guess to just be mad.

I disagree that anger is a masculine emotion. Anger is a human emotion. One that is God given. We need anger too seeing how it can be a great motivator for positive change and action. It's OK for women to feel angry. What matters is how we express it and what we choose to do about it.

I silently follow this thread and I hope I'm not kicked out for my opinions on anger not strictly being a masculine emotion :lol:.
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I think you hit the nail in the head. I never thought of it this way but you’re right.

Anger is very natural to all human beings.

I think the point is to not let it consume you. Your happiness should come from inside. Therefore, that’s why we contain this anger and try to limit it to a few minutes so we can keep a higher consciousness level that allows us to do other things that bring success to our families/communities.
 
Participants -

@PrissiSippi
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717




Recap

Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner

Week 2: Print or Buy a planner. Make sure you write down and plan to do things that encompass your femininity. How many times will you cook for your family so they can practice dinner etiquette? How many minutes will you hold each child a day (10-15 minutes?) How will you polish your femininity EACH day, how will you spend one on one time with your spouse each day? Have you made time to go out with a female this week to talk girl talk? Make a plan, be intentional, and write it down.

Week 3: Be more present- Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be a phone zombie. Practice makes permanent. Constantly work on cultivating your femininity by being very present with DH, SO, your children, and friends. Choose human interactions vs social media interactions this week.

Week 4: Accept him- Accept him for who he is. This includes his strengths, his weaknesses, his goals, or lack of him. He is a person full of triumphs as well as flaws just like you. (This goal is continuous)
February- Inner Self Work
Week 5: Polish Your Poise- No one can take you out of your feminine grace except you. Work on not being reactive to problems and asserting your needs but in a gentle way. Work on your look, attitude, gratitude, gaze, and overall spirit.

Week 6: Self Preservation is Key- Learn to protect your peace. Put YOU first. Have a drama blocking plan to protect yourself.

Week 7: What's in a Voice- Work on your feminine voice. Smile. Have a sing-song sweet voice at all times...especially times of struggle.

Week 8: Rock Your Wardrobe- Aim to look feminine, put together, and GOOD every day.
Week 9: Turn Rituals Into Routine
March- Home Living
Week 10: Beautify Your Enviroment: Buy Fresh Flowers
Week 11: Focus on Your Home Aromas
Week 12: How Clean Is Your Home
Week 13: Set the Tone in Your Home: Make Your House a Haven
April-
Week 14: Clean Up Your Social Media Accounts
Week 15: Be more mysterious: Work on your Feminine Mystique
Week 16: Take the Help/Compliments
Week 17: Got Milk? Milk Baths
May- Strategically Selfish
Week 18: You Are the Prize
Week 19: Don’t Let them Move Your Goal Post


Week 19: Don’t Let Them Move Your Goal Post

We’re at the point where you’re beginning to see many changes in your life. You walk a different walk. You nurture your family different. You interact with your SO differently. You operate at a higher level of efficiency and success. People will try to put you back in the box that they feel trapped in. Don’t allow them to. Accept your awesomeness and accept your level of femininity may be different from those you are around.
​
If you don’t have a degree and they will say,” But you don’t have an education.” Get a degree and they will say, “Degrees don’t keep you warm at night.” Get a husband and they will say, “Now she’s acting funny. Her life revolves around that man.” Get a career and they will say, “She’s a slave to the job and she neglected her spouse and kids”. People will move the goal post for you each and every time because of their low levels of understanding and envy.

Decide to learn how to plate and cook very well they will say, “No one has time for that. You’re not a chef.” Don’t cook and they will say, “Don’t nobody want a woman that won’t cook for her family.” Then you say you’re too tired to cook from work and they will say, “You’re lazy. My mama did it and raised FIVE kids.” Mess up and raise five kids, cook, and go to work then the story will be, “You look haggardly.”

(forget your mama Bih)

Decide to only feed your family on real plates and now you’re bougie.

Be transparent and you’ll be judged for each action you decide to do. Be closed off and you’re bougie and funny acting.

DON’T let others put you back into the box that they are trapped in. Stay on your lane. Stay on your path to femininity. Stay achieving greatness.

Politely redirect people or decline advice when they tell you what to do with your life. Own up to your awesomeness and high level of success and keep it there. NO ONE can move your goal post except you.



Week 19 Challenge
1. Identify and define what is your happiness and your goals. What does it look like? Work on being content and comfortable in meeting your goals, and don’t allow others to put expectations on you that you don’t aspire to be/do.
2. Own your greatness. Own your awesomeness. Block out negative people. In your sweet feminine voice, politely redirect or tell people you didn’t ask for their unsolicited advice or opinions about your life. Don’t let ANYONE move your goal post. ​
 
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My thoughts on anger:

IMO, most things can be categorized into masculine and feminine energies. Anger is perceived as more acceptable from a man than a woman. I care little as to why, I just care that it is and care to operate well within that context. "Angry black woman" is a negative phrase.

Further, yes, anger is a human emotion, agreed. We also all agreed that when expressed towards our husbands, they tend to get angry too. So, I have to operate in what i can change, which was my level and expression of my anger. My anger isn't what motivates my husband to do better--my love, nurturing, forgiveness and kindness do. Thus, it is imperative that I minimize my time feeling anger towards him. The sake of our marriage, friendship and legacy building depends upon it.

I don't get angry when DH is angry with me like he does. I was too enraged to think about it at the time, but "Fascinating Womanhood" suggests a childlike/girlish anger. Stomping your foot and huffing and puffing. Ro suggests a sadness instead of madness. I'm sure either would've gone over better than how I did react and I probably could've avoided the fall out afterwards. :lachen:

PS: 91% alcohol removed the markings pretty easily.
 
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Supervixen said:
My thoughts on anger:

IMO, most things can be categorized into masculine and feminine energies. Anger is perceived as more acceptable from a man than a woman. I care little as to why, I just care that it is and care to operate well within that context. "Angry black woman" is a negative phrase.

Further, yes, anger is a human emotion, agreed. We also all agreed that when expressed towards our husbands, they tend to get angry too. So, I have to operate in what i can change, which was my level and expression of my anger. My anger isn't what motivates my husband to do better--my love, nurturing, forgiveness and kindness do. Thus, it is imperative that I minimize my time feeling anger towards him. The sake of our marriage, friendship and legacy building depends upon it.

I don't get angry when DH is angry with me like he does. I was too enraged to think about it at the time, but "Fascinating Womanhood" suggests a childlike/girlish anger. Stomping your foot and huffing and puffing. Ro suggests a sadness instead of madness. I'm sure either would've gone over better than how I did react and I probably could've avoided the fall out afterwards. :lachen:

PS: 91% alcohol removed the markings pretty easily.
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This is so difficult for me to do...One of my good male friends suggested that I cry if I want to get my way with DH. :look: I haven't taken his suggestion to heart, but he's probably onto something...

...and "noted" about the alcohol.
 
@Supervixen

I mostly agree with you.
I hope you didn't think I meant your anger would positively motivate your husband. Actually, it may and it may not but that wasn't my point. I meant more so for the one who feels the anger. Personally if I feel angry, it time to take a step back, reflect, analyze and whatever else so I don't wallow in the anger and possibly fix an issue. That's the positive change I was talking about. I don't have time to always write out all my thoughts and opinions and my posts can be misunderstood.
 
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They will stay moving the goal post y’all. I was talking to a guy that thought it was wrong that I looked at career of men I chose to marry. He told me it was very superficial. I said, “Your point?” He was taken aback. I said look when you met me you didn’t say ooh I like that girl because she’s so smart and she can do xyz. If you come up to talk to me it’s because I was very beautiful to you men love to say you’re superficial whenit relates to their money but I have yet to see a man married to a woman that he finds to be ugly. Never. Lol. Then he started ranting about how a wealthy man will just cheat on me anyway. And I’m like bruhhhh your point. Your dusty not enough gold self will cheat as well. I wouldn’t tolerate cheating at all but I’d rather be cheated on in a mansion than the trap House. Point of the matter it went from I’m superficial if I want xyz to what about love to a wealthy man will cheat on you anyway. They STAY moving the goal post to get you to conform to their level of understanding.

My dad is a classic narc. He told me that it seemed like I was “reinventing” myself since “I didn’t have a man”. I’m like a man doesn’t equate to my happiness guy. Anyway he asked me what do I do all day. I started talking not about work but rather my hobbies. I led with plating. He told me I’m no professional so why was I doing it. I told him I enjoyed it. And I went to a university that focused on culinary arts so I was using those tools I learned. He moved the goal post. He said no one has time to make food look good everyday. I said you do if you make time for it. He moved the goal post again. You don’t even have anyone to cook for.

My mother. She told me I only call when it’s convenient. I said yes you’re right because I only call when it’s convenevient to my peace. She told me that she doesn’t criticize me she is just honest and I get my feelings hurt because it contains the truth. I told her if her being honest and her opinion contains the truth that means when I tell her certain things that I’m doing such as go to therapy to enhance my life because my childhood was bad....she can’t get mad because it contains pieces of truth. She moves the goal post. She says I know other people who are working harder than you and I know people who should have been successful but they didn’t do anything with their life. I said I was living to my level of success. She moves the goalpost again

Don’t let people do this. The first guy lives a mediocre life. He has two children that he part time takes care of but he doesn’t live in the house with them and he treats he baby mamas horribly. I don’t desire that life. I come across that a stable family is a need not a want but he wants me to just be okay getting down with ransoms and dusties. He wants me to believe that he is a prize even though he doesn’t set up his life so that his children will have a better life than him. He doesn’t bring much to the table other than personality.

My father. He does not care about peace or happiness. No one else in the area cooks fresh or attractive meals so why should I. I should be like everyone else.

My mother. She wants me to be just like her. A work mule. She wants the best for me but it also seems like she has to keep me under a certain level so I know my place so to speak. If I ever met the goal I would have surpassed her and could look down on her so she must keep moving the post to keep me “in control”.

I’m learning how to not allow this to happen by staying in my feminine lane and not allowing these things to bother me. It is what it is. Let them do them and let me do me.
 
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Week 19 Challenge
1. Identify and define what is your happiness and your goals. What does it look like? Work on being content and comfortable in meeting your goals and don’t allow others to put expectations on you that you don’t aspire to be/do.
2. Own your greatness. Own your awesomeness. Block out negative people. I’m your sweet feminine voice, politely redirect or tell people you didn’t ask for their unsolicited advice or opinions about your life. Don’t let ANYONE move your goal post. ​

This one is BIG
I have shifted so much in 2018.

I was socialized into believing that I needed to be super woman to be a good woman and worthy. I needed all the degrees and the job and the children all at the same time. Truth is, I don’t even want to work full time. I don’t need to earn a lot of money I need my free time and a low stress level.
 
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@Supervixen thid week’s challenge reminded of what you were talking about earlier about others trying to make you feel bad or change your mind.

I decided to not spank DS. If I do it will be very very sparingly. Well since I don’t spank him it was like...”You must don’t know he will whip you if you don’t whip him first.” When I point out that DS is pretty well behaved for his age the goal post moves. “Just wait til he gets older and you’ll see.” He’s older now and he can have a normal 2 year old tantrum and someone will say “oh he wouldn’t do that with me because he will fear me.” When I say “I’d rather him respect me not follow me out of fear” the goal post is moved. “What do you know. You haven’t ever had kids.”

If you Choose to stay at home. The goal post is moved. Nobody does that. You choose to do that and the goal post is moved. “You don’t have anything to do all day I could never.” Then the goal post is moved again. “You are not a REAL stay at home mom because you Work part time from home.” Dont Work part time and “You put too much responsibility on your husband! You’re not a child you need to go 50/50” You say you want to nurture the family the goal post is moved to, “My mother worked and kept he house clean and raised THREE kids.”

It takes a very feminine, aware, and driven woman to stay in your feminine lane and make the conscious choice to continue to do you not caring what others think. This may include blocking certain people, putting up certain boundaries to protect your peace, and evolving to a higher consciousness level.
 
PrissiSippi said:
@Supervixen thid week’s challenge reminded of what you were talking about earlier about others trying to make you feel bad or change your mind.

I decided to not spank DS. If I do it will be very very sparingly. Well since I don’t spank him it was like...”You must don’t know he will whip you if you don’t whip him first.” When I point out that DS is pretty well behaved for his age the goal post moves. “Just wait til he gets older and you’ll see.” He’s older now and he can have a normal 2 year old tantrum and someone will say “oh he wouldn’t do that with me because he will fear me.” When I say “I’d rather him respect me not follow me out of fear” the goal post is moved. “What do you know. You haven’t ever had kids.”

If you Choose to stay at home. The goal post is moved. Nobody does that. You choose to do that and the goal post is moved. “You don’t have anything to do all day I could never.” Then the goal post is moved again. “You are not a REAL stay at home mom because you Work part time from home.” Dont Work part time and “You put too much responsibility on your husband! You’re not a child you need to go 50/50” You say you want to nurture the family the goal post is moved to, “My mother worked and kept he house clean and raised THREE kids.”

It takes a very feminine, aware, and driven woman to stay in your feminine lane and make the conscious choice to continue to do you not caring what others think. This may include blocking certain people, putting up certain boundaries to protect your peace, and evolving to a higher consciousness level.
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This board/thread has been invaluable to me understanding what is happening in my friendships.
 
Prime example lol. One of the Ro girls posted:

“Just dating is foolish. It's for people who will stay poor because they do not understand how critical marriage is for our survival and building of generational and sustainable wealth. #Queening #M3”

Marriage to build generational success is her ultimate goal right? There will always be someone to move the goal post.

Someone replied, “Marriage does not always bring wealth it can bring misery as well.”

She replied, “Sir, have you actually studied it or are you reacting to the post based on your own experience and/or the people you only see?”

Goal post is moved again

“I am just saying don't overglorify marriage some marriages are broken. Promoting marriage is a good thing the bible encourages it. But also please encourage our sisters to marry the right men. I hope you are aware of the rising number of femicide cases!”

However she decided to protect her peace, her own level of success, and her goals. She responded with a shut that ish down comment and kept it moving

“Sir, clearly you do not know me. 1. You are NOT entitled to tell me what to do, on MY page and MY wall. Only my father and my husband have that privilege and they actually, generally do not exercise it. 2. If you did know me, you would know that I am always encouraging our young sisters to choose the right men to marry...not marry "for love". I'm disappointed by your conduct, sir...being quick to "instruct", disagree with no real intention to understand.”

Shut that ish down all 2018. Don’t let ANYONE move your goal post. Be comfortable with your level of success. Know what you want and reach for it.
 
There is a lot of talk on Facebook about there being no benefit to getting married. Or that getting married is the “white man” dictating how to love. One of the Robgirks spelled it out. The Benefits of a Legal Marriage are not limited to but include the following:

✨❤️✨

1. Serves as a catch-all document that serves as a living will, trustee, right of survivorship, etc.
2. A legally married spouse is able to sue for loss of consortium, which is suing for the loss of spousal privileges including Lack of SEX from whoever has caused the damages. (The beauty of having a Certified Wife is that these duties/privileges are already written in marriage negotiations and may be used in court to prove pain and suffering.)
3. Children value legal marriages and can clearly differentiate between a committed relationship verses one that may not be.
4. Serves as a right of passage.
5. Men are respected more for taking on the responsibility of marriage. Women are respected more as quality and worthy of high protection to outsiders.
6. The children born inside of the marriage are perceived as more valuable.
7. Inclusion of all family members as one unit.
8. Preservation of wealth.
9. Trusted more in business relationships.
10. Military/Veteran’s benefits transfer to spouse
11. Right to receive Medicare benefits.
12. Right to receive additional social security benefits.
13. Spouse is listed as primary beneficiary on life insurance policies
14. Entitled to pensions
15. Right to speak with spouse’s attorney on their behalf.
16. Right to spousal privilege if subpoenaed to court.
17. Conjugal visitation rights.
18. Dual citizenship.
19. International travelling and custom recognition
20. More tax options when filing.
21. Ability to keep taxes taken for student loans/child support or other government debt
22. Offers more accurate record keeping for family lineage
23. Easier transferring of estate with less taxes.
24. Access to bank accounts, phone records, medical records, etc.
25. Eligible to covered under medical, dental, vision and other insurance policies.
26. And much, much more.
If there were no benefits to legal marriage LGBT ️‍ community would not be fighting for these same rights.

Common law marriage is for poor people who do not want their spouses to inherit debt and instead pass it straight to the children.
 
PrissiSippi said:
If there were no benefits to legal marriage LGBT ️‍ community would not be fighting for these same rights.

Common law marriage is for poor people who do not want their spouses to inherit debt and instead pass it straight to the children.
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I understand and agree with that is being said in blue, but not in red.
 
awhyley said:
I understand and agree with that is being said in blue, but not in red.
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I didn’t quite understand this sentiment an well but it is an quote not my own words. Could you post why you don’t agree with the red? I haven’t read up on common law marriage.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I didn’t quite understand this sentiment an well but it is an quote not my own words. Could you post why you don’t agree with the red? I haven’t read up on common law marriage.
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There are a few legal inconsistencies in those quotes but I'll try to explain.

A claim for loss of consortium is not allowed in every state or every base cause of action. It's really narrow and in states where it is allowed it only goes one way due to precedence and case law. Meaning a man can sue for loss of consortium from his wife but the wife will have an uphill battle trying to bring the same suit.

The common law marriage quote speaks to the fact that without the marriage contract there are no community assets or debts. Marriage typically means that anything gained or any debts taken during the marriage belong outright to both the H and W. If you are not married but live together then are 2 equal shares of an asset or debts. H owns 1/2 outright and W owns 1/2 outright. At the death of H, in the absence of a will or testamentary document like a trust, the 1/2 share he owns goes down to his heirs or if no children it goes up to his parents. Check your state to determine the intestacy laws to determine who would get what and in what order. The debts pass to the children to cover as would the assets. So not getting married is one way to protect your family but the absolute best way with or without marriage is to have a will or trust.

I am very pro marriage but I will say that in modern times, some of the legal reasons are not very compelling, Marriage doesn't necessarily protect you as much as you think in case of death or health crisis. A really good estate plan is needed in general for couples that are married and not married.

The legal privileges for spouses in terms of criminal law are valid, but is that the person you want to marry?
 
Kimbosheart said:
There are a few legal inconsistencies in those quotes but I'll try to explain.

A claim for loss of consortium is not allowed in every state or every base cause of action. It's really narrow and in states where it is allowed it only goes one way due to precedence and case law. Meaning a man can sue for loss of consortium from his wife but the wife will have an uphill battle trying to bring the same suit.

The common law marriage quote speaks to the fact that without the marriage contract there are no community assets or debts. Marriage typically means that anything gained or any debts taken during the marriage belong outright to both the H and W. If you are not married but live together then are 2 equal shares of an asset or debts. H owns 1/2 outright and W owns 1/2 outright. At the death of H, in the absence of a will or testamentary document like a trust, the 1/2 share he owns goes down to his heirs or if no children it goes up to his parents. Check your state to determine the intestacy laws to determine who would get what and in what order. The debts pass to the children to cover as would the assets. So not getting married is one way to protect your family but the absolute best way with or without marriage is to have a will or trust.

I am very pro marriage but I will say that in modern times, some of the legal reasons are not very compelling, Marriage doesn't necessarily protect you as much as you think in case of death or health crisis. A really good estate plan is needed in general for couples that are married and not married.

The legal privileges for spouses in terms of criminal law are valid, but is that the person you want to marry?
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Thank you so much for responding!
 
PrissiSippi said:
I didn’t quite understand this sentiment an well but it is an quote not my own words. Could you post why you don’t agree with the red? I haven’t read up on common law marriage.
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I'm confused, because I thought that when you died, you debt died with you. Having the debt bypass your 'spouse' to become your children's responsibility seems just as unfair, if not moreso.

Kimbosheart said:
The common law marriage quote speaks to the fact that without the marriage contract there are no community assets or debts. Marriage typically means that anything gained or any debts taken during the marriage belong outright to both the H and W. If you are not married but live together then are 2 equal shares of an asset or debts. H owns 1/2 outright and W owns 1/2 outright. At the death of H, in the absence of a will or testamentary document like a trust, the 1/2 share he owns goes down to his heirs or if no children it goes up to his parents. Check your state to determine the intestacy laws to determine who would get what and in what order. The debts pass to the children to cover as would the assets. So not getting married is one way to protect your family but the absolute best way with or without marriage is to have a will or trust.
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This is foul. If there are no assets to cover or cancel out the debts, are the children still on the hook?
​
 
Kimbosheart said:
There are a few legal inconsistencies in those quotes but I'll try to explain.

A claim for loss of consortium is not allowed in every state or every base cause of action. It's really narrow and in states where it is allowed it only goes one way due to precedence and case law. Meaning a man can sue for loss of consortium from his wife but the wife will have an uphill battle trying to bring the same suit.

The common law marriage quote speaks to the fact that without the marriage contract there are no community assets or debts. Marriage typically means that anything gained or any debts taken during the marriage belong outright to both the H and W. If you are not married but live together then are 2 equal shares of an asset or debts. H owns 1/2 outright and W owns 1/2 outright. At the death of H, in the absence of a will or testamentary document like a trust, the 1/2 share he owns goes down to his heirs or if no children it goes up to his parents. Check your state to determine the intestacy laws to determine who would get what and in what order. The debts pass to the children to cover as would the assets. So not getting married is one way to protect your family but the absolute best way with or without marriage is to have a will or trust.

I am very pro marriage but I will say that in modern times, some of the legal reasons are not very compelling, Marriage doesn't necessarily protect you as much as you think in case of death or health crisis. A really good estate plan is needed in general for couples that are married and not married.

The legal privileges for spouses in terms of criminal law are valid, but is that the person you want to marry?
Click to expand...

@Kimbosheart explains it all! This was fantastic!
 
awhyley said:
I'm confused, because I thought that when you died, you debt died with you. Having the debt bypass your 'spouse' to become your children's responsibility seems just as unfair, if not moreso.


This is foul. If there are no assets to cover or cancel out the debts, are the children still on the hook?
​
Click to expand...

It just depends on what type of debt it is. Student loans are discharged through death but mortgages, car notes, business’s loans tend to survive.
 
Kimbosheart said:
It just depends on what type of debt it is. Student loans are discharged through death but mortgages, car notes, business’s loans tend to survive.
Click to expand...

I thought that it would be the other way around, where the commercial debt would fall away but the student loans would be the nagging ever-present charge. Thanks for the clarification.
 
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