2020 52 Weeks To Being Divinely Feminine Thread
- Thread starter snoop
- Start date
tinkat
Well-Known Member
This week has been pretty good with me adding yoga to my practice. After getting my massage last week, I wanted to incorporate yoga so that I would not be so stiff and rigid. I notice how intentional and sacred yoga is. It helps me pay attention to how I move my body along with slowing down. Yoga is very feminine now that I think about it. It also is showing me what areas in my body have been dormant. This week has been better when it comes to my communication with my husband. I am less reactive and mindful of how I come off. It is a work in progress but better than last week for sure. I am still going on my walks which is great and keeping up with my skin routine. My biggest take away is not what I say, but how I say it, especially my tone of voice.
Week 6 Challenge
1. Post a video with a feminine voice you admire.
I enjoy Chloe's videos and I think one of the reasons why she can keep a viewer's attention is due to how she expresses herself in her videos. Its feminine but straight to the point and she has a sense of humor also.
Off topic: I have come a long way with my femininity, a lot of what she talks about in this video I already do.
2. Practice recording yourself on your phone and play it back to see what areas you need to work on to soften your sound.
I feel like I have a soft feminine voice. I have had many jobs where I had to speak to a lot of people on the phone. I have had a lot of practice on the power of tone over the phone. The biggest things I have had to work on is expressing power within my voice. The more I have been self assured of myself, the more power I hear within my voice.
3. Use your voice some time this week to get what you want a practice one of the important pillars of femininity: Receiving. What was the result?
My husband came into our room stating my mother-in-law wanted to see me on FaceTime while I was comfortably in my bed. He knew I probably did not want to get out and I am sure he made an excuse but I could tell it did not work. So I did and I was friendly as I normally am with a kind soft voice. I did not even think of it but I said that I was resting right now (I think she asked me what was going on with me.) and she was like okay, I will let you go and get your rest. I realize that it is all about tone for me. So now I am working on tone and limited curse words when I am in situations where I am upset and frustrated.
Week 6 Challenge
1. Post a video with a feminine voice you admire.
I enjoy Chloe's videos and I think one of the reasons why she can keep a viewer's attention is due to how she expresses herself in her videos. Its feminine but straight to the point and she has a sense of humor also.
Off topic: I have come a long way with my femininity, a lot of what she talks about in this video I already do.
2. Practice recording yourself on your phone and play it back to see what areas you need to work on to soften your sound.
I feel like I have a soft feminine voice. I have had many jobs where I had to speak to a lot of people on the phone. I have had a lot of practice on the power of tone over the phone. The biggest things I have had to work on is expressing power within my voice. The more I have been self assured of myself, the more power I hear within my voice.
3. Use your voice some time this week to get what you want a practice one of the important pillars of femininity: Receiving. What was the result?
My husband came into our room stating my mother-in-law wanted to see me on FaceTime while I was comfortably in my bed. He knew I probably did not want to get out and I am sure he made an excuse but I could tell it did not work. So I did and I was friendly as I normally am with a kind soft voice. I did not even think of it but I said that I was resting right now (I think she asked me what was going on with me.) and she was like okay, I will let you go and get your rest. I realize that it is all about tone for me. So now I am working on tone and limited curse words when I am in situations where I am upset and frustrated.
snoop
Well-Known Member
Participants -
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat
@Chicoro
Many people downplay compliments to avoid the appearance of conceit. It’s so common that sociolinguists have categorized the three responses to a compliment: acceptance, deflection or rejection. Learn to humbly accept compliments, favors, resources, and help.
Many will say they don't accept the help, because they don't want anyone thinking that they owe them anything. Get this....YOU DON'T OWE THEM ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF A THANK YOU. That's it. However, if someone offers you a gift or favor, learn to accept it. Remember, the more you learn to receive, the more you have the capacity to receive.
If you want to increase your receptivity, take time to pick up every penny you come across. Take the time to laugh at every flower you come across and admire it's beauty. Walk through every door men open for you. That cupcake your coworker wanted to give you...TAKE IT. (Discreetly discard of it if you don't want it.) Before you start each day, take time to meditate and offer your deepest gratitude to the Universe/God. Feel WORTH of someone feeling you are awesome enough to GIVE to. Refrain from being superwoman. LET others love all on you/ help you.
Week 14 Challenge
1. Practice taking compliments. Every time some one says, “That’s a nice dress” or “You plook nice today”, don’t down play it. Say thank you and smile. Take it all in. You DESERVE every single compliment someone gives to you.
2. Take the help. If someone offers to help you....don't say I got it. If someone says do you need help taking these bags in or doing xyz...accept it. Say thank you and smile and let the universe help you.
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat
@Chicoro
Week 14: Take the Help
The more you allow men to invest and help you, the more they fall in love with you. The key in this is letting the cape go.Many people downplay compliments to avoid the appearance of conceit. It’s so common that sociolinguists have categorized the three responses to a compliment: acceptance, deflection or rejection. Learn to humbly accept compliments, favors, resources, and help.
Many will say they don't accept the help, because they don't want anyone thinking that they owe them anything. Get this....YOU DON'T OWE THEM ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF A THANK YOU. That's it. However, if someone offers you a gift or favor, learn to accept it. Remember, the more you learn to receive, the more you have the capacity to receive.
If you want to increase your receptivity, take time to pick up every penny you come across. Take the time to laugh at every flower you come across and admire it's beauty. Walk through every door men open for you. That cupcake your coworker wanted to give you...TAKE IT. (Discreetly discard of it if you don't want it.) Before you start each day, take time to meditate and offer your deepest gratitude to the Universe/God. Feel WORTH of someone feeling you are awesome enough to GIVE to. Refrain from being superwoman. LET others love all on you/ help you.
Week 14 Challenge
1. Practice taking compliments. Every time some one says, “That’s a nice dress” or “You plook nice today”, don’t down play it. Say thank you and smile. Take it all in. You DESERVE every single compliment someone gives to you.
2. Take the help. If someone offers to help you....don't say I got it. If someone says do you need help taking these bags in or doing xyz...accept it. Say thank you and smile and let the universe help you.
caribeandiva
Human being
My life took a huge turning point when I started applying that lesson. Even if I can do it myself I always accept the help. I say “thank you” when someone gives me a compliment instead of deflecting it like I used to so I could seem humble.
Receiving/allowing is a huge component of femininity.
cravoecanela
Well-Known Member
I would like to join this challenge ! I read the entire thread and I love everything that I've read.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
I’ve started saying thank you instead of I’m sorry. I saw it somewhere online. Instead of “I’m sorry for being late” “thank you for waiting on me”
Changes the way people respond
Changes the way people respond
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
caribeandiva
Human being
Good idea!
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I accepted the help this week and got soo much done for free:
Just everything and I'm sooo grateful
- The faucet put back on in my bathroom
- Hardwood floors sanded
- Fridge door put back on
- Grass cut
- Snake away put out
Just everything and I'm sooo grateful
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
^^^^^Yup, couldn't agree more!
Two young men brought two heavy duty household equipments all the way up to my place. They couldn't install it, due to COVID-19, but they said they did it, because they noticed that I lived by myself. Thought that was so nice. It made me really miss having an SO/DH, but I'm doing the best I can with the situation I've been dealt.
Two young men brought two heavy duty household equipments all the way up to my place. They couldn't install it, due to COVID-19, but they said they did it, because they noticed that I lived by myself. Thought that was so nice. It made me really miss having an SO/DH, but I'm doing the best I can with the situation I've been dealt.
snoop
Well-Known Member
I had to do something similar a few weeks ago as well. My high school friends and I talk on Whatsapp daily. It's a mixed gender group and a lot of serious talk and even more time wasting goes on there. It can be a lot of fun. However, one of the friends is an ER doc. He was getting quite intense in the way that he would express his corona concerns. Very grim news articles and such. We all understand the pressure that he is going through, but I had to send him a message in a side chat to tell him that he was driving my anxiety (and most likely my BP) up and that he needed to stop. Share covid stories, but not anything that was graphically grim. He took it well and slowed down. The very next day in the group chat, another friend expressed her concerns as well since she's definitely in a high risk category.
I've been checking the covid thread here maybe once every three or 4 days for the same reason. It's too intense for me.
snoop
Well-Known Member
Earlier this week I went back to cooking, even though I don't own a proper oven just yet:
View attachment 456601 View attachment 456603 View attachment 456599
Out here chilling with my fam, who actually lived through the civil war in Angola. So they know how to put things in perspective.
This meal looks really yummy! The way you laid out the potatoes is so delicate and shows that you put a lot of thought into what you make. I need to get to that level, consistently.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
This past week was a simple week and I realize that presenting myself in a feminine way does shift the energy around me. It is more about my energy than anything. I am still doing my facial routine, I am doing my yoga, and I just got my yoni steam herbs in the mail. I wanted to go to a spa but since everything is closed, I will be doing a yoni steam this month at home. I also decided to start Gateway 3 of Sacred Women by Queen Afua. I had been working through Gateway 0-2 last year and took a break. Now that I got a massage and have been doing Yoga, I felt like I was ready to start Gateway 3 -Sacred Movement. After reading the chapter again, I felt that I was in alignment to began. I also purchased a card game called The { } and which is based on a youtube channel where couples, loved ones, etc. ask very great questions. I bought the couples edition one and feel like this will help me communicate with my husband in a feminine way and it reminds me of how we use to be. When we were getting to know each other, we would go back and forth and ask questions. What I like about this card game is that the questions are really juicy...meaning it can be very transformative.
Week 7 Challenge
1. What's your feminine makeup routine?
I don't have one because I don't wear makeup unless I am going to a major event or taking pictures. However this has motivated me to learn and honestly I have been thinking about it learning for some time because I don't want to always have to depend on someone to do my makeup. I don't even own makeup. I always give it to my sister who is a makeup artist when I actually get something. I have been researching vegan makeup brands and looking at tutorials for beginners on youtube.
2. Strive to dress feminine and wear a dress for at least 3 days this week and take in the results of people around your -- men and women.
I already wear dresses and skirts only but I have been more intentional with looking put together, even if I am going to the park. We can't really go anywhere right now. But I still put on jewelry and dress simple but nice just like I was going out some place. I normally just throw something on for a walk to the park. I noticed that I got more attention and more hellos, especially from men. I think it is more about energy for me because I was intentional with getting dressed. It also feels good to take time to look nice and it does not take much effort.
3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures!Could you emulate it?
I really don't have anyone in mind but I did a quick instagram search on feminine fashion and I noticed that I kept being drawn to the pictures from the instagram of madisonclevinstine. I could see myself wearing these styles.
Week 7 Challenge
1. What's your feminine makeup routine?
I don't have one because I don't wear makeup unless I am going to a major event or taking pictures. However this has motivated me to learn and honestly I have been thinking about it learning for some time because I don't want to always have to depend on someone to do my makeup. I don't even own makeup. I always give it to my sister who is a makeup artist when I actually get something. I have been researching vegan makeup brands and looking at tutorials for beginners on youtube.
2. Strive to dress feminine and wear a dress for at least 3 days this week and take in the results of people around your -- men and women.
I already wear dresses and skirts only but I have been more intentional with looking put together, even if I am going to the park. We can't really go anywhere right now. But I still put on jewelry and dress simple but nice just like I was going out some place. I normally just throw something on for a walk to the park. I noticed that I got more attention and more hellos, especially from men. I think it is more about energy for me because I was intentional with getting dressed. It also feels good to take time to look nice and it does not take much effort.
3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures!Could you emulate it?
I really don't have anyone in mind but I did a quick instagram search on feminine fashion and I noticed that I kept being drawn to the pictures from the instagram of madisonclevinstine. I could see myself wearing these styles.
snoop
Well-Known Member
Participants -
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat
@Chicoro
@cravoecanela
NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS MANY ASPECTS OF MARRIAGE THAT PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT. IT ALSO INVOLVES PROTECTING YOU WHICH MAY INVOLVE DECEPTION OR KNOWING HOW TO PLAY YOUR CARDS SO YOU ALWAYS ARE OKAY. IF THIS IS NOT MORAL TO YOU OR MAKES YOU UNEASY PLEASE REFER TO LAST YEAR'S FEMININE MYSTIQUE POST. IT CAN BE FOUND HERE.
The flip side that folks rarely talk about
If you marry an alpha male:
Feminine Mystique on Stroking His Ego/Getting Things Done for You:
Men will say little things such as, “Oh you paid for your nails before me. How were you getting it done then?”. Your reply should be something like, "Oh my daddy did it before. But since I have a man now, they depend on YOU to do it since you’re the man." He doesn’t need to know you were paying for it or another man was paying for it. This is your feminine allure and mystique. He is more apt to take care of you when he believes you have ALWAYS been taken care of.
Him: I thought about what you did boo. You don’t listen to me. You: baby I always listen to you. Boo you remember when you told me not to drive fast. I stopped. Boo I thought about what you said about xyz, and I felt inspired to... You may have to lie at times. You probably still drive fast. Maybe he didn't inspire you and your friends actually pushed you....stroke his ego within reason. Let him THINK you respect him if it means it will give you MORE.
Him: For you to not have much money, you have money to get your hair done.
You: Oh this hair is old and my best friend installed it for free. You know I don't have any money.
Let's say yall are breaking up. You are making the choice to move out or at least you want HIM to think that you want to break up. Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you. Keep your intentions HIDDEN.
You CANNOT be afraid to lose him. YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
When you’re dating or in a relationship don’t ever say stuff like Oh...you spend $150 a week in groceries? I could do it for $100 a week. (He will often give you LESS than what you asked for. Instead get his $150 a week and pocket the extra or buy extra groceries.)
Don't ever say things such as, "Oh I’m not a girl that needs to be taken out." "Oh I don’t ever need my nails done like those others girls." Even if it’s true. This is your feminine mystique. That’s you auditioning for a role, plus it hurts you when you try to do tricks like above. Remember you ALWAYS get less than what you bargained for. Keep the bar HIGH.
Feminine Mystique As It Relates to 50/50
When men say they want to go 50/50 that means on the bills. It does NOT mean on the cleaning, childcare responsibilities, cooking, and etc. Because of this, the girl ends up with the short end of the stick because she ends up paying half of the bills AND doing most of the cleaning, childcare, and cooking. Don't be fooled. HOWEVER feminine mystique will help. You have to have the mindset that: If he won’t balance the workload I will.
Example 1: Him: Boo I need you to pay half of the electricity bill. You: Oh I ain’t got it. I would if I could. (
Example 2: Do what you have to do to get it done. I have a friend that got on Adderall to get through her nursing program. Do YOU but be smart about it. KEEP IT PRIVATE. Just keep your goal as your focus and ACCOMPLISH THAT ISH...PRIVATELY
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Getting Money
Example 1: My cousin’s husband gives her no money and she was wearing old clothes so I'm like go to Kroger and buy a $100 Nordstrom card every month so you can buy yourself something. (Keep your end goal as your focus and accomplish it privately.)
Example 2: Every time you go to the store and use the card, get cash back, even if you start out small like $20-25. Just get it and put it in your own account.”
Example 3: Let’s say you go to the grocery store. Ask for His card casually and say, "Hey boo; I need to buy some groceries for us at the store. Let me see your card. The first few times do what you’re supposed to do and spend a low amount. However, over time increase that amount. Either ask for cash back or buy a gift card to a store you like. This is the way you have money (from him) to get your nails done, dermatologist, new clothes, makeup, or even to save as “forget you money” in your feminine mystique account. $100 a week adds up!
Example 4: When you ask for money, ask for MORE than what you need. If you need to get your car fixed for example and it costs $200, ask for $300. This way if they only give you half ($150) you still have most of the money. If he gives you the full amount....pocket the extra in your savings.
Example 5: Don't tell him the total amount of money you make. Downplay it. Say these days are slow. LIE.
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Leaving Him
Example 1: Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on domestic abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you.
Example 2: Tell him that you will be moving out of state for a job. Put flight details out on the table. Make him chase you. Make him afraid to LOSE YOU.
Example 3: Let’s say you’ve been talking to your mom how he is abusive and you want to leave him. He counteracts with you don’t need to talk to your mom so much. She’s manipulative. She doesn’t want you to have anything. Say you’re right. Tell HIM you stopped talking to your mom. Talk to your mom when he is not around. Talk to her in the car or when you’re at work or running errands. Talk to her privately. He doesn’t have to know! Your mom is sometimes the only one that will give you real advice. Don’t let him isolate you from people who unconditionally love you.
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to KEEPING THE FOCUS ON YOU
I have a friend that looks so frumpy. She stays up all night with the baby so she has horrible crow's feet. Her husband said they didn't have money for things and needed to scale back so she scimps and dimes on keeping herself. She dyes her hair herself. She goes to Supercut to get her hair cut and then does the rest herself. She doesn't get her nails done. She only wears cheap perfume. Good perfume is only for special days because it's too expensive. She only wears drugstore makeup. BUT you have to look at the bigger picture. HE is still doing what he wants. He goes to a fancy gym. He got a promotion at work but she's not seeing any extra money. He always has on nice clothes. HIS cologne costs $200 a bottle. When they say WE can't afford that...MANY TIMES IT MEANS YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT. If he ever leaves her, he will leave with a girl that is youthful and keeps up her appearance. This will be a girl that doesn't have all this BAGGAGE like my friend has...because of HIM.
Don't get married and deny yourself anything and start making sacrifices in how you look, what you buy, etc. Continue to maintain whatever beauty services or shopping habits you used to do for yourself because when men "say we need to watch our spending or we can't afford that", they mean YOU can't afford it, because I have never seen a man deny themselves anything, literally never ever. They will still get their workouts in, still get in time with their boys, buy Jordan's, still find money for X widget that they claim to need. Be vague! Oh this old thing? I had it in the back of the closet. Oh this hair? I got my friend to put it in for free? I reused my hair. Oh this makeup? I been had it. Deflect and lie as needed but protect your marketability above all costs. Don't let yourself get fat, frumpy, old looking, and BORING. KEEP the focus on you so you STAY ready and never have to get ready.
Feminine Mystique on Saving for a Rainy Day
-"My mom had a company. A company bought her out and she stayed as a consultant. As we were working through my mother's estate my dad said he had no idea that she sold it for this amount. She literally told him 1/4 of the amount. He's just now finding out." Keep your business and yoru business taxes separate. Even if you husband is a great dude. Keep money for yourself and MAKE SURE you are financially secure. It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with not trusting your husband or the quality of your marriage. It deals with always having a financial plan in case something happens.
-Keep some of your tax refunds and place it it your savings. YOU NEVER know when you might need to get away, get a hotel room for a few days, or just up and making a few money moves. Keep this money PRIVATELY but always protect yourself so you ALWAYS have a way out.
-"When I had the baby my husband asked me how much was the hospital bill. I told him around $3000 because of anesthesia and etc. I had already budgeted and put aside money for this pregnancy. However when he gave me the $3000 I saved it anyway. "
Feminine Mystique on Saving for your Personality
Always use/give few words rather than many.
Don't give explanations for anything. Be vague if asked for an explanation.
Try too only stay on the phone for no more than 15 mins.
Listen to him more than you speak (you will end up knowing soooo much about him and he knows nothing about you).
Practice being emotionally unreactive.
Always give off a happy/light vibe when you speak.
Always leave him wanting more.
Anything u would talk to gfs/female friends family about do not talk to him about those topics.
Practice using feminine body language (there are a lot of videos online that are very helpful with this also).
Week 15 Challenge
1. Be a mystery. How could you develop this mysterious appearance?
2. Continue to go to the new things, read new books, and eat new things. Keep the focus on YOU.
3. Is there a way that you could be more mysterious for your DH or significant other? Use your robe, slowly take off your clothes and don't rush, tease him.
4. The best way to be mysterious is honestly be so self-absorbed into you. Embrace your uniqueness. Do your hobbies, your dreams, your goals, stay in your lane, and keep your lifestyle public but your life private. What does this mean in your life?
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat
@Chicoro
@cravoecanela
Week 15: Feminine Mystique PART TWONOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS MANY ASPECTS OF MARRIAGE THAT PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT. IT ALSO INVOLVES PROTECTING YOU WHICH MAY INVOLVE DECEPTION OR KNOWING HOW TO PLAY YOUR CARDS SO YOU ALWAYS ARE OKAY. IF THIS IS NOT MORAL TO YOU OR MAKES YOU UNEASY PLEASE REFER TO LAST YEAR'S FEMININE MYSTIQUE POST. IT CAN BE FOUND HERE.
The flip side that folks rarely talk about
If you marry an alpha male:
- He probably works a demanding job, which means he isn't home as often as you'd like...meaning you'll carry the weight of the child-raising and won't have as much time for yourself.
- He likely has a dominant/alpha male personality and if he isn't refined, it may come across as controlling. (learn how to recognize this so you can nip it in the bud ASAP)
- If you aren't confident and fully assured of your value and what you bring to the table, guilt/resentment and a whole host of other issues can creep in
- One person carrying all the finances can have its stressful moments and it can be draining in so many ways. This means you NEED to look for other ways to keep the spark in your relationship and STAY ready so you don't have to get ready.
- You still need to be able to articulate your worth and perhaps even attach a dollar value to it because most men with this mindset view everything in a "dollar & cents" type of way and if it dont make dollars it dont make sense to them.
Feminine Mystique on Stroking His Ego/Getting Things Done for You:
Men will say little things such as, “Oh you paid for your nails before me. How were you getting it done then?”. Your reply should be something like, "Oh my daddy did it before. But since I have a man now, they depend on YOU to do it since you’re the man." He doesn’t need to know you were paying for it or another man was paying for it. This is your feminine allure and mystique. He is more apt to take care of you when he believes you have ALWAYS been taken care of.
Him: I thought about what you did boo. You don’t listen to me. You: baby I always listen to you. Boo you remember when you told me not to drive fast. I stopped. Boo I thought about what you said about xyz, and I felt inspired to... You may have to lie at times. You probably still drive fast. Maybe he didn't inspire you and your friends actually pushed you....stroke his ego within reason. Let him THINK you respect him if it means it will give you MORE.
Him: For you to not have much money, you have money to get your hair done.
You: Oh this hair is old and my best friend installed it for free. You know I don't have any money.
Let's say yall are breaking up. You are making the choice to move out or at least you want HIM to think that you want to break up. Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you. Keep your intentions HIDDEN.
You CANNOT be afraid to lose him. YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
When you’re dating or in a relationship don’t ever say stuff like Oh...you spend $150 a week in groceries? I could do it for $100 a week. (He will often give you LESS than what you asked for. Instead get his $150 a week and pocket the extra or buy extra groceries.)
Don't ever say things such as, "Oh I’m not a girl that needs to be taken out." "Oh I don’t ever need my nails done like those others girls." Even if it’s true. This is your feminine mystique. That’s you auditioning for a role, plus it hurts you when you try to do tricks like above. Remember you ALWAYS get less than what you bargained for. Keep the bar HIGH.
Feminine Mystique As It Relates to 50/50
When men say they want to go 50/50 that means on the bills. It does NOT mean on the cleaning, childcare responsibilities, cooking, and etc. Because of this, the girl ends up with the short end of the stick because she ends up paying half of the bills AND doing most of the cleaning, childcare, and cooking. Don't be fooled. HOWEVER feminine mystique will help. You have to have the mindset that: If he won’t balance the workload I will.
Example 1: Him: Boo I need you to pay half of the electricity bill. You: Oh I ain’t got it. I would if I could. (
Example 2: Do what you have to do to get it done. I have a friend that got on Adderall to get through her nursing program. Do YOU but be smart about it. KEEP IT PRIVATE. Just keep your goal as your focus and ACCOMPLISH THAT ISH...PRIVATELY
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Getting Money
Example 1: My cousin’s husband gives her no money and she was wearing old clothes so I'm like go to Kroger and buy a $100 Nordstrom card every month so you can buy yourself something. (Keep your end goal as your focus and accomplish it privately.)
Example 2: Every time you go to the store and use the card, get cash back, even if you start out small like $20-25. Just get it and put it in your own account.”
Example 3: Let’s say you go to the grocery store. Ask for His card casually and say, "Hey boo; I need to buy some groceries for us at the store. Let me see your card. The first few times do what you’re supposed to do and spend a low amount. However, over time increase that amount. Either ask for cash back or buy a gift card to a store you like. This is the way you have money (from him) to get your nails done, dermatologist, new clothes, makeup, or even to save as “forget you money” in your feminine mystique account. $100 a week adds up!
Example 4: When you ask for money, ask for MORE than what you need. If you need to get your car fixed for example and it costs $200, ask for $300. This way if they only give you half ($150) you still have most of the money. If he gives you the full amount....pocket the extra in your savings.
Example 5: Don't tell him the total amount of money you make. Downplay it. Say these days are slow. LIE.
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Leaving Him
Example 1: Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on domestic abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you.
Example 2: Tell him that you will be moving out of state for a job. Put flight details out on the table. Make him chase you. Make him afraid to LOSE YOU.
Example 3: Let’s say you’ve been talking to your mom how he is abusive and you want to leave him. He counteracts with you don’t need to talk to your mom so much. She’s manipulative. She doesn’t want you to have anything. Say you’re right. Tell HIM you stopped talking to your mom. Talk to your mom when he is not around. Talk to her in the car or when you’re at work or running errands. Talk to her privately. He doesn’t have to know! Your mom is sometimes the only one that will give you real advice. Don’t let him isolate you from people who unconditionally love you.
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to KEEPING THE FOCUS ON YOU
I have a friend that looks so frumpy. She stays up all night with the baby so she has horrible crow's feet. Her husband said they didn't have money for things and needed to scale back so she scimps and dimes on keeping herself. She dyes her hair herself. She goes to Supercut to get her hair cut and then does the rest herself. She doesn't get her nails done. She only wears cheap perfume. Good perfume is only for special days because it's too expensive. She only wears drugstore makeup. BUT you have to look at the bigger picture. HE is still doing what he wants. He goes to a fancy gym. He got a promotion at work but she's not seeing any extra money. He always has on nice clothes. HIS cologne costs $200 a bottle. When they say WE can't afford that...MANY TIMES IT MEANS YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT. If he ever leaves her, he will leave with a girl that is youthful and keeps up her appearance. This will be a girl that doesn't have all this BAGGAGE like my friend has...because of HIM.
Don't get married and deny yourself anything and start making sacrifices in how you look, what you buy, etc. Continue to maintain whatever beauty services or shopping habits you used to do for yourself because when men "say we need to watch our spending or we can't afford that", they mean YOU can't afford it, because I have never seen a man deny themselves anything, literally never ever. They will still get their workouts in, still get in time with their boys, buy Jordan's, still find money for X widget that they claim to need. Be vague! Oh this old thing? I had it in the back of the closet. Oh this hair? I got my friend to put it in for free? I reused my hair. Oh this makeup? I been had it. Deflect and lie as needed but protect your marketability above all costs. Don't let yourself get fat, frumpy, old looking, and BORING. KEEP the focus on you so you STAY ready and never have to get ready.
Feminine Mystique on Saving for a Rainy Day
-"My mom had a company. A company bought her out and she stayed as a consultant. As we were working through my mother's estate my dad said he had no idea that she sold it for this amount. She literally told him 1/4 of the amount. He's just now finding out." Keep your business and yoru business taxes separate. Even if you husband is a great dude. Keep money for yourself and MAKE SURE you are financially secure. It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with not trusting your husband or the quality of your marriage. It deals with always having a financial plan in case something happens.
-Keep some of your tax refunds and place it it your savings. YOU NEVER know when you might need to get away, get a hotel room for a few days, or just up and making a few money moves. Keep this money PRIVATELY but always protect yourself so you ALWAYS have a way out.
-"When I had the baby my husband asked me how much was the hospital bill. I told him around $3000 because of anesthesia and etc. I had already budgeted and put aside money for this pregnancy. However when he gave me the $3000 I saved it anyway. "
Feminine Mystique on Saving for your Personality
- You should be kinda like an onion. He shouldn't know everything about you. One day just go to a French restaurant and order and speak in french to the waiter.
- Let something break and then let him find out you actually know how to sew.
- Don't TELL him everything about you (it comes off as you auditioning for a role). Let it happen organically.
Always use/give few words rather than many.
Don't give explanations for anything. Be vague if asked for an explanation.
Try too only stay on the phone for no more than 15 mins.
Listen to him more than you speak (you will end up knowing soooo much about him and he knows nothing about you).
Practice being emotionally unreactive.
Always give off a happy/light vibe when you speak.
Always leave him wanting more.
Anything u would talk to gfs/female friends family about do not talk to him about those topics.
Practice using feminine body language (there are a lot of videos online that are very helpful with this also).
Week 15 Challenge
1. Be a mystery. How could you develop this mysterious appearance?
2. Continue to go to the new things, read new books, and eat new things. Keep the focus on YOU.
3. Is there a way that you could be more mysterious for your DH or significant other? Use your robe, slowly take off your clothes and don't rush, tease him.
4. The best way to be mysterious is honestly be so self-absorbed into you. Embrace your uniqueness. Do your hobbies, your dreams, your goals, stay in your lane, and keep your lifestyle public but your life private. What does this mean in your life?
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snoop
Well-Known Member
Week 11: Let's Get Some Sunshine
Unfortunately, we're no longer in a time or place where we can take leisurely strolls through the park. Instead, we went for a short walk around the block, today. The littlest guy had an assignment for his kindergarten class, to enjoy a walk and observe things in nature. I decided to turn the assignment into a bingo game. It was sunny, but cold, so the walk was brisk. We all had fun finding the objects in nature.
Unfortunately, we're no longer in a time or place where we can take leisurely strolls through the park. Instead, we went for a short walk around the block, today. The littlest guy had an assignment for his kindergarten class, to enjoy a walk and observe things in nature. I decided to turn the assignment into a bingo game. It was sunny, but cold, so the walk was brisk. We all had fun finding the objects in nature.
Attachments
snoop
Well-Known Member
I think that it's wonderful that you both still look after each other. Not many people have that ability to have that with their exes.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
This past week has been pretty transformative. I began the Queen Afua's Sacred Women Gateway 3-Sacred Movement and it has been great. I have been using a bath scrub from Iyanla Vanzant's Master Peace Line. I felt so clean. When I mean clean, I not only mean physically clean but energetically clean. I feel more connected to my intuition. I feel like I am strengthening on a energetic level. I also began planting some herbs with my daughter. It felt wonderful getting my hands in the soil. I prepared a new Chia Seed Pudding recipe, it was pretty good. I am continuing to do my weekly walk, skin care routine, and working on my communication. My husband and I did play the game that I purchased last week where we ask each other questions. It was great because the questions are great and brings more intimacy into a relationship. It gave me insight on how he views himself and our relationship. I have also been more intentional on making sure I get naps because I see how I am more productive and pleasant when I do so.
Week 8 Challenge
1. Pick 3 Routines you have been doing consistently during this challenge. Write out how you will change this into a ritual.
Skin Care Routine. I will affirm that I accept myself as I am while I am washing my face, applying toner, and moisturizer.
Spiritual Baths. Intentionally cleanse the bathroom with incense and cleansing essential oil spray. I will also have my crystals and bathe with my bath scrub with essential oils and sea salt in the water.
Walks.
Walking meditation where I take in what I am experiencing intently and if I am drawn to listen to music that I love while walking then I will do so. I will journal about my experience afterwards.
2. Using your planner from the previous weeks, make deliberate times for you to do these rituals. PENCIL YOURSELF IN FIRST. Write down in your planner the days you intend to do your rituals.
I already was writing these in except for the baths. However now I will see these as more of a ritual than a routine.
Week 8 Challenge
1. Pick 3 Routines you have been doing consistently during this challenge. Write out how you will change this into a ritual.
Skin Care Routine. I will affirm that I accept myself as I am while I am washing my face, applying toner, and moisturizer.
Spiritual Baths. Intentionally cleanse the bathroom with incense and cleansing essential oil spray. I will also have my crystals and bathe with my bath scrub with essential oils and sea salt in the water.
Walks.
Walking meditation where I take in what I am experiencing intently and if I am drawn to listen to music that I love while walking then I will do so. I will journal about my experience afterwards.
2. Using your planner from the previous weeks, make deliberate times for you to do these rituals. PENCIL YOURSELF IN FIRST. Write down in your planner the days you intend to do your rituals.
I already was writing these in except for the baths. However now I will see these as more of a ritual than a routine.
Last edited:
snoop
Well-Known Member
Participants -
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat
@Chicoro
@cravoecanela
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Some Tips to Clean Up Your Profile
1. Less is more. Strive not to post a lot. The more you post, the more people have information to judge you.Don’tpost so often. It seems like you have no life.
2. Make a list of 30 new things you have NEVER done, read, eaten, or etc. Strive to do one new activity a week. I don't care if it's small like going to the library or trying out some new Fro-Yo. The thing is that you want to present yourself as having fun, lively, charismatic, smiling, joyful, and CLASSY.
3. Hide groups or friends that are off putting. If it’s a meme…. don’t repost it on YOUR page. Make a comment on the meme, tag your friends if needed, and keep going. HIDE YOUR RATCHET FRIENDS FROM THE WORLD.
4. Delete bad photos with your hair not done or you with no makeup. If it doesn't look magazine worthy, it should not be posted.
5. Really it’s no reason to post boyfriends until they are your fiancé or husband point blank. Friends and associates should meet your significant other through physical interactions…not through FaceBook/Instagram.
6. Delete pictures of exes. They don’t belong in your life anymore…friend or not.
7. Delete many pictures of you with men. (This is especially if you're not married). Stick to pictures with other females. DO NOT post pictures of men...it looks like you keep a lot of male company. It can be taken in two ways: a. you're already taken b. you's a (finish the song lol).
8. Edit or delete any statuses in which you are cursing. (You can search your timeline for curse words by doing Name posts insertcurseword. All posts with the curse words will pop up.
9. Stay away from politics: arguing about trump, black lives matter, black panther, racial suggestions. Remember to protect your peace. These issues keep you up in the air and hot and bothered for the whole day. Steer away from these conversations. These are not your battles to fight...and if you feel so...fight them privately.
10. Have great pictures. Think photography worthy pics.
11. Delete pictures where you are at work or you are driving a car. You worth is not defined by your job. You are waaaay more than your career. Driving a car implies you like to drive and do not like to be driven around. Refrain from pics like this.
12. Delete mentions and pictures of degrees or jobs (especially if single)
13. Have pictures of your male vouchers (fathers, brothers, uncles) to let others know you are well protected and well taken care of. Make statuses on how your brothers/father protect you...even if it is not true. You are building your reputation so you teach others how to treat you.
14. Try to keep pictures of your children off of social media. If you have more than TWO children, don’t let potential husbands know this. This is something they can find out once they get to know you. Employ feminine mystique
15. Don’t post too many (really ANY) pictures of you in a club setting.
16. Delete unclear pictures including your profile pictures.
17. Natural hair and feminine clothing is very nurturing. Focus on wearing clothing that the opposite sex could not wear. No slouchy sweat pants, short masculine hairdo’s, all black clothes, and etc. Strive to be very feminine in your attire. If it doesn’t meet the criteria…delete it. They can only see what you let them see.
18. Refrain from profanity and aggressiveness. Ask others that curse on your timeline to edit their posts or you delete the post. You can posts something like: “I’m deleting your comments, not because of your opinion but your language is too foul and not something I can have women on my page being associated with. Facebook is considered public and you are not representing me, black women, or the elders up to my standards. Love you. Be sweet.” Protect your peace and your reputation. You don’t curse and people shouldn’t overtly curse either on your page. A lil curse word here and there is normal for men and in the general conversation of many…but blatant and rude cursing …. get rid of it.
19. Refrain from clothing that screams sex and not wife. (This goes back to the club pictures). Twerking, overly sexy pictures, and etc. scream gf or person setting up to get used and not wife.
20. Post pictures of you to attract a man: You cleaning, your skin glowing and you looking natural, pictures of you cooking, nice feminine dresses in heels,
21. Dresses: Look for A-line dresses, feminine shoes, wear nice fitting underwear such as Wacoal, wear piece of jewelry such as necklaces, bracelets, pearl earrings, and etc.
22. Post pictures of you serving others or speak indirectly about you spending time serving others.
23. Posting Guidelines:
a. Refrain from Content that is graphic, obscene, explicit, racial, or disparaging in any form.
b. Refrain from Content that is abusive, hateful, inflammatory, or intended to defame any person(s)
c. Try to aim to be positive at all times. Refrain from publically complaining. A woman unable to be pleased stunts her own growth.
d. Control your mouth
e. No Bathroom Selfies
f. Refrain from many pictures with random men that are not family
g. Delete all non-magazine quality pictures
h. Let go of the need of letting people know how sad you always are.
24. Posing Instructions
a. Hair on the shoulders (#1) should be avoided at all costs.
b. Pull the Chin (or Ears) Forward
c. Lift your arm slightly- When people stand naturally, another thing they do is stand with their arms flat at their sides. This causes several problems. First, it makes them look awkward and uncomfortable in the photo. Secondly, their arm presses against their torso. This squishes the arm out and makes it look larger than it actually is.
d. Don’t take Pics Head On If your subject stares at the camera head-on, they look bigger. Turn your shoulders so they are not head on. Just raising one shoulder higher than another will add dimension and strength to the image.
e. Don’t Show the Whites of Your Eyes- You want to see the iris, the colored part.
f. Open Your Mouth Slightly- With the mouth slightly open, the jawline is elongated and gives a subtle intimate invite to the viewer.
g. Have Ballet Hands- Under the chin, over the shoulder, to the side, under the ear or through the hair are some common positions for hands.
h. Position Yourself Girl- Old red carpet trick: Position your body 45 degrees and put the arm closest to the camera on your hip. Then plant one foot slightly in front of the other, point your toe to the camera and place your weight on your back leg.
Stand Up Straight- Standing up straight really does make a difference. Not only will it elongate you in photos, but it gives you an aura of strength and confidence, which is naturally alluring.
Week 16 Challenge
1. Post a list of 30 things you have never done, read, ate, gone. Accomplish ONE NEW PLACE/ACTIVITY this week. Make it something classy. Beach picture, jazz club, spa date, SOMETHING.
2. Clean up your social media profile. Post in this thread how you've made some changes. Delete all pictures of exes. Delete all unflattering pics where you or your children aren't their best.
3. Download a great photo editing app. Post some suggestions if you find some great ones.
4. Create a new profile picture. I don't care if it's staged or not....look good and girly. Throw on some heels, a dress, and some slight makeup. Stand in the back yard or a park. Get outside and let the sun kiss your beautiful skin. Create a new you.
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat
@Chicoro
@cravoecanela
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Some Tips to Clean Up Your Profile
1. Less is more. Strive not to post a lot. The more you post, the more people have information to judge you.Don’tpost so often. It seems like you have no life.
2. Make a list of 30 new things you have NEVER done, read, eaten, or etc. Strive to do one new activity a week. I don't care if it's small like going to the library or trying out some new Fro-Yo. The thing is that you want to present yourself as having fun, lively, charismatic, smiling, joyful, and CLASSY.
3. Hide groups or friends that are off putting. If it’s a meme…. don’t repost it on YOUR page. Make a comment on the meme, tag your friends if needed, and keep going. HIDE YOUR RATCHET FRIENDS FROM THE WORLD.
4. Delete bad photos with your hair not done or you with no makeup. If it doesn't look magazine worthy, it should not be posted.
5. Really it’s no reason to post boyfriends until they are your fiancé or husband point blank. Friends and associates should meet your significant other through physical interactions…not through FaceBook/Instagram.
6. Delete pictures of exes. They don’t belong in your life anymore…friend or not.
7. Delete many pictures of you with men. (This is especially if you're not married). Stick to pictures with other females. DO NOT post pictures of men...it looks like you keep a lot of male company. It can be taken in two ways: a. you're already taken b. you's a (finish the song lol).
8. Edit or delete any statuses in which you are cursing. (You can search your timeline for curse words by doing Name posts insertcurseword. All posts with the curse words will pop up.
9. Stay away from politics: arguing about trump, black lives matter, black panther, racial suggestions. Remember to protect your peace. These issues keep you up in the air and hot and bothered for the whole day. Steer away from these conversations. These are not your battles to fight...and if you feel so...fight them privately.
10. Have great pictures. Think photography worthy pics.
11. Delete pictures where you are at work or you are driving a car. You worth is not defined by your job. You are waaaay more than your career. Driving a car implies you like to drive and do not like to be driven around. Refrain from pics like this.
12. Delete mentions and pictures of degrees or jobs (especially if single)
13. Have pictures of your male vouchers (fathers, brothers, uncles) to let others know you are well protected and well taken care of. Make statuses on how your brothers/father protect you...even if it is not true. You are building your reputation so you teach others how to treat you.
14. Try to keep pictures of your children off of social media. If you have more than TWO children, don’t let potential husbands know this. This is something they can find out once they get to know you. Employ feminine mystique
15. Don’t post too many (really ANY) pictures of you in a club setting.
16. Delete unclear pictures including your profile pictures.
17. Natural hair and feminine clothing is very nurturing. Focus on wearing clothing that the opposite sex could not wear. No slouchy sweat pants, short masculine hairdo’s, all black clothes, and etc. Strive to be very feminine in your attire. If it doesn’t meet the criteria…delete it. They can only see what you let them see.
18. Refrain from profanity and aggressiveness. Ask others that curse on your timeline to edit their posts or you delete the post. You can posts something like: “I’m deleting your comments, not because of your opinion but your language is too foul and not something I can have women on my page being associated with. Facebook is considered public and you are not representing me, black women, or the elders up to my standards. Love you. Be sweet.” Protect your peace and your reputation. You don’t curse and people shouldn’t overtly curse either on your page. A lil curse word here and there is normal for men and in the general conversation of many…but blatant and rude cursing …. get rid of it.
19. Refrain from clothing that screams sex and not wife. (This goes back to the club pictures). Twerking, overly sexy pictures, and etc. scream gf or person setting up to get used and not wife.
20. Post pictures of you to attract a man: You cleaning, your skin glowing and you looking natural, pictures of you cooking, nice feminine dresses in heels,
21. Dresses: Look for A-line dresses, feminine shoes, wear nice fitting underwear such as Wacoal, wear piece of jewelry such as necklaces, bracelets, pearl earrings, and etc.
22. Post pictures of you serving others or speak indirectly about you spending time serving others.
23. Posting Guidelines:
a. Refrain from Content that is graphic, obscene, explicit, racial, or disparaging in any form.
b. Refrain from Content that is abusive, hateful, inflammatory, or intended to defame any person(s)
c. Try to aim to be positive at all times. Refrain from publically complaining. A woman unable to be pleased stunts her own growth.
d. Control your mouth
e. No Bathroom Selfies
f. Refrain from many pictures with random men that are not family
g. Delete all non-magazine quality pictures
h. Let go of the need of letting people know how sad you always are.
24. Posing Instructions
a. Hair on the shoulders (#1) should be avoided at all costs.
b. Pull the Chin (or Ears) Forward
c. Lift your arm slightly- When people stand naturally, another thing they do is stand with their arms flat at their sides. This causes several problems. First, it makes them look awkward and uncomfortable in the photo. Secondly, their arm presses against their torso. This squishes the arm out and makes it look larger than it actually is.
d. Don’t take Pics Head On If your subject stares at the camera head-on, they look bigger. Turn your shoulders so they are not head on. Just raising one shoulder higher than another will add dimension and strength to the image.
e. Don’t Show the Whites of Your Eyes- You want to see the iris, the colored part.
f. Open Your Mouth Slightly- With the mouth slightly open, the jawline is elongated and gives a subtle intimate invite to the viewer.
g. Have Ballet Hands- Under the chin, over the shoulder, to the side, under the ear or through the hair are some common positions for hands.
h. Position Yourself Girl- Old red carpet trick: Position your body 45 degrees and put the arm closest to the camera on your hip. Then plant one foot slightly in front of the other, point your toe to the camera and place your weight on your back leg.
Stand Up Straight- Standing up straight really does make a difference. Not only will it elongate you in photos, but it gives you an aura of strength and confidence, which is naturally alluring.
Week 16 Challenge
1. Post a list of 30 things you have never done, read, ate, gone. Accomplish ONE NEW PLACE/ACTIVITY this week. Make it something classy. Beach picture, jazz club, spa date, SOMETHING.
2. Clean up your social media profile. Post in this thread how you've made some changes. Delete all pictures of exes. Delete all unflattering pics where you or your children aren't their best.
3. Download a great photo editing app. Post some suggestions if you find some great ones.
4. Create a new profile picture. I don't care if it's staged or not....look good and girly. Throw on some heels, a dress, and some slight makeup. Stand in the back yard or a park. Get outside and let the sun kiss your beautiful skin. Create a new you.
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caribeandiva
Human being
^^^My policy used to be: 1 post per day. But now that I'm home.... HELP!
What are you doing? 1 post per hour MamaBear2012
Well-Known Member
Maybe it's because of this thread last year, but I was actually just thinking about my social media presence and that of my friends. I found that I typically scroll past those people who post often.
I have a friend who said that she uses Facebook to document the lives of her children. That means she posts several times a day. And even when she takes it down to once a day, I find myself scrolling by.
I guess it's all about the mystery. When I know so much about your life, your job, what you cook, what you wear, where you shop, your car, your kid's sports, their birthday, etc, I lose interest.
I found that at DD's school, people are always trying to figure me out. Wanting to know what I do during the day. Wanting to know how I met my husband. Always asking questions. And a lot of that is due to the fact that I'm not friends with a lot of them on Facebook. I also rarely respond to complaining or silly group emails or texts. I am going to look at my Facebook page again just to clean it up a bit more.
I have a friend who said that she uses Facebook to document the lives of her children. That means she posts several times a day. And even when she takes it down to once a day, I find myself scrolling by.
I guess it's all about the mystery. When I know so much about your life, your job, what you cook, what you wear, where you shop, your car, your kid's sports, their birthday, etc, I lose interest.
I found that at DD's school, people are always trying to figure me out. Wanting to know what I do during the day. Wanting to know how I met my husband. Always asking questions. And a lot of that is due to the fact that I'm not friends with a lot of them on Facebook. I also rarely respond to complaining or silly group emails or texts. I am going to look at my Facebook page again just to clean it up a bit more.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
To bring it back to the topic: to me this is about discernment and figuring out what works for you. At the end of the day, most things in the world have no meaning, aside from the meaning we ascribe to it. So my boundaries have always been: not talking about my love or family life. Not discussing private matters and never posting too revealing pictures of me.
Back in the days I used to use MSN Messenger heavily and people made fun of me for it. Guess what, it has turned into LYNC and now we use it at work. Facebook is not gonna be any different. It's a great tool to keep in touch with my family members: today is my aunt's b-day, called her up in Angola. Then my cousin called me from Angola through WhatsApp. I used to be so closed off that I wouldn't even tell people about hair care being my hobby. Result? I could never really bond with anyone. So the test for all of us is to gauge: how does social media fit into my life? For me it's a great outlet, because I am extremely reserved. So it's pretty much the only outlet PLUS it helps with my writing since that's what I love. Not to mention that in this country here, we need positive images of Black people other than the 'they're all on welfare and mooching off of government cheese' - narrative we've got going on. All this to say: I post strategically.
snoop
Well-Known Member
Sorry, for the last couple of weeks, I've now added you to the challenge. You should get the notifications now.
snoop
Well-Known Member
To bring it back to the topic: to me this is about discernment and figuring out what works for you. At the end of the day, most things in the world have no meaning, aside from the meaning we ascribe to it. So my boundaries have always been: not talking about my love or family life. Not discussing private matters and never posting too revealing pictures of me.
Back in the days I used to use MSN Messenger heavily and people made fun of me for it. Guess what, it has turned into LYNC and now we use it at work. Facebook is not gonna be any different. It's a great tool to keep in touch with my family members: today is my aunt's b-day, called her up in Angola. Then my cousin called me from Angola through WhatsApp. I used to be so closed off that I wouldn't even tell people about hair care being my hobby. Result? I could never really bond with anyone. So the test for all of us is to gauge: how does social media fit into my life? For me it's a great outlet, because I am extremely reserved. So it's pretty much the only outlet PLUS it helps with my writing since that's what I love. Not to mention that in this country here, we need positive images of Black people other than the 'they're all on welfare and mooching off of government cheese' - narrative we've got going on. All this to say: I post strategically.
I agree with the bolded.
In terms of "social media", I'm assuming people mean apps like FB and Insta... I have two accounts: My original ones are my personal accounts. I don't know if I've ever posted a picture of myself on FB that had my face showing. I think that I may have posted 3 pictures in the past 10+ years. I definitely do NOT post pictures of my children. All pics of me and my children are those posted by others and those who know me do not post my babies pictures.
I'm a bit old school about privacy and don't really like the idea of having my picture or my information out and about. I'll share pics with my friends and fam on Whatsapp (and even this, I've slowed down with now that FB owns the app).
That being said, I have an insta hair app. There are all sorts of unflattering hair photos on there, but alas, it seems as though that is what people like to see. (They tend to do way better than the photos where I make an effort to do my hair and make up...which has given me a bit of a complex.
) One tip that I picked up from Patricia Bright years ago was to whiten my eyes and my teeth in my photos. It really makes the photos stand out and look more glam.
ETA: The app that I like to use is Snapseed
snoop
Well-Known Member
I did an Instagram Live session yesterday.
Things to work on: I didn't dress up. I could have dressed better -- not up, but better. I could have also put on a bit of makeup -- not fountain but maybe a hint of colour on my lips instead of just gloss and filled in my brows.
Things to celebrate: I got compliments on my skin. As I was doing my chat, I was mindful not to talk with just my bottom teeth showing. This meant I was half smiling as I spoke. Someone commented that they were entertained which made me recall some of the jokes that I made which meant that I was at least smiling naturally. Someone commented later that they'd like my voice. Score! I fought the urge not to accept the compliment and thought about it for a bit. I usually find my voice to be low. It gets lower when I'm trying to be serious or when I'm really nervous and giving a presentation. it gets "higher" when I'm relaxed and having fun. I was having fun so I suppose that my voice was more relaxed and higher. I accepted the compliment and kept it moving.
Things to work on: I didn't dress up. I could have dressed better -- not up, but better. I could have also put on a bit of makeup -- not fountain but maybe a hint of colour on my lips instead of just gloss and filled in my brows.
Things to celebrate: I got compliments on my skin. As I was doing my chat, I was mindful not to talk with just my bottom teeth showing. This meant I was half smiling as I spoke. Someone commented that they were entertained which made me recall some of the jokes that I made which meant that I was at least smiling naturally. Someone commented later that they'd like my voice. Score! I fought the urge not to accept the compliment and thought about it for a bit. I usually find my voice to be low. It gets lower when I'm trying to be serious or when I'm really nervous and giving a presentation. it gets "higher" when I'm relaxed and having fun. I was having fun so I suppose that my voice was more relaxed and higher. I accepted the compliment and kept it moving.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
To close off the segment about social media: this is why I find it extremely important to be multi-faceted. The aim is to be able to post 1000 pics in one day on social media and still, people would only be grasping 0.01% of who you are as a person sorta say.
Being one dimensional is the reason why many relationships tank, because after a while - as Chris Rock said - you have learned everything there is to learn about a person. As a Christian, I hold on to 'if you drink from this water, you'll never be thirsty again'. A source can NEVER run dry, every day you should have some new thought and something new to offer to the world. Just my 0.02 cents. Have a nice weekend!
Being one dimensional is the reason why many relationships tank, because after a while - as Chris Rock said - you have learned everything there is to learn about a person. As a Christian, I hold on to 'if you drink from this water, you'll never be thirsty again'. A source can NEVER run dry, every day you should have some new thought and something new to offer to the world. Just my 0.02 cents. Have a nice weekend!
snoop
Well-Known Member
In regards to social media, why DO people post? I think that one needs to think about this honestly, before posting. What is is that you REALLY want to accomplish. To communicate with family? Attention? Networking? To help others?
I think that once you have this figured out you can determine IF you should post, WHAT you post, and HOW you post. This will help keep your profiles polished and on point.
Also, keep in mind that potential suitors and potential employers can see everything or find anything. Privacy settings mean nothing so if you wouldn't want either of these groups or your mamma to find out, then DON'T POST.
I think that once you have this figured out you can determine IF you should post, WHAT you post, and HOW you post. This will help keep your profiles polished and on point.
Also, keep in mind that potential suitors and potential employers can see everything or find anything. Privacy settings mean nothing so if you wouldn't want either of these groups or your mamma to find out, then DON'T POST.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Agree with everything you've said. I post to communicate with family and to help. Also, there are a lot of prejudices against Black people - or people of color in general - where I live. A lot like in the US. So my aim is also to show that we aren't what the media portrays us out to be. It's not even about showing that we can be wealthy too, but more to show that we are like any other family out there who also loves and has fun and has sad moments,...etc. Life in this country is very segregated between brown vs. white vs. black and I'd like to see that changed. Try to achieve that even with the foods I cook
. I also like to help Black women see their hair differently. Many struggle with chewed up hair that is very unhealthy, so I share lots of tips but...it's no easy feat. It's ingrained in us that our hair doesn't grow and that type 4 hair is simply not beautiful :/.
Many also believe that the single life equals a sad and sappy life, so I try to show a vibrant side of that. Women here are also very masculine, as this trend is going on around the globe. Noticed it again with this confinement: some women who had to celebrate the birthday of their children at home, were simply not very creative. Others don't even know how to embrace technology in their lives, so they can shop online. Others are running around like whodunnit cause they relied on beauty salons for their maintenance.
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