2020 52 Weeks To Being Divinely Feminine Thread

[mrselle]

Week 7 Challenge
1. What's your feminine makeup routine?

My makeup routine has been the same for about 20 years, probably longer. I wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick. I have been wearing more bold lip colors lately. Occasionally, I wear eyeshadow. My mother taught me that less is more. I agree, but I also think it's nice to accentuate what you have.

2. Strive to dress feminine and wear a dress for at least 3 days this week and take in the results of people around your -- men and women.

I'm a sahm, so I don't do dresses very often in the fall or winter, but I do wear them at least one day a week during the spring and summer. I agree whole heartedly that men respond to femininity, but it has to be the entire package. A woman can wear a dress and still look unkempt. I wear jeans a lot in the fall and winter, but I usually pair them with a feminine top. Something in a color that complements my skin tone or something with a little flair to it.

3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures! Could you emulate it?

I love my friend's style. She usually wears dresses for work. She looks professional yet beautiful and feminine. Poised and in control. To me, she is the total package. I don't think I could emulate her style because our personal tastes are different, but she does inspire me to keep it feminine at all times.

 

[Maracujá]

1. What's your feminine makeup routine?



Powder, blush, mascara and every once in a while: lipgloss. The secret is in taking optimal care of one's skin, releasing everything from the past and having great night sleep every single day.

2. Strive to dress feminine and wear a dress for at least 3 days this week and take in the results of people around your -- men and women.


Am receiving compliments from women and random men are opening doors for me and letting me enter places ahead of them .

3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures! Could you emulate it?



Nicole Gibbons



Bipasha Basu



Queen Rania from Jordania



Teyonah Parris

 

[ckisland]

Week 7 Challenge
1. What's your feminine makeup routine?
My daily makeup routine is mascara, blush, filled in eyebrows and sometimes gloss. Sometimes I add eyeshadow and when I'm feeling frisky, a cat eye. I was doing the full face with foundation, concealer and contouring, but I backed off of the beat face look because I feel like it was messing with my skin. I don't know if I can get the beat-esque look without foundation, but I'll play around with it and see. I tried lashes once and it's not something I can see myself doing seriously. I got my eyebrows waxed recently and I do need to keep them up because I'll go a year before getting them done again.
2. Strive to dress feminine and wear a dress for at least 3 days this week and take in the results of people around your -- men and women.
I would love to wear dresses everyday, and one day I will build my wardrobe where I can. But I work 6 days a week and both places require a uniform, so no dresses for me Similar to @almond eyes I don't wear heels because I'm pigeon-toed and I wear heels down so fast. I need to invest in some cute chunky heels that offer more stability.
3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures!Could you emulate it?
I absolutely love http://stylepantry.com/

From my Pinterest board

 

[snoop]

Participants -
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat



Week 8: Turn Rituals Into Routine

Whenever I eat my Blue Bell homemade vanilla out of the original pint it never feels that satisfying. I mean it's GOOD but it's not THAT good..

However when I carefully use my ice cream scoop to scoop it up in three balls, put those balls of ice cream in a bowl, pile it up with nuts and drizzle caramel over it, I feel like like a STAR. I feel expensive. I feel fulfilled. I feel happy. Why? Because it is NOT a ritual.

So during this challenge many of us have been encompassing routines. Some feminine routines include: plating our food, serving our husband before our children and with two hands, wearing dresses and feminine clothing, wearing a signature fragrance every day, being very affectionate by giving each person in the family 12 hugs/kisses a day, wearing cute night clothes to bed each night, having a good sleep schedule, cleaning unapologetically, taking time for us to unwind, meditating/yoga/exercising/juicing/eating healthy. The list goes on and on. BUT they offer little substance. Why you say? It's simply a routine?

This is the week we shift from ROUTINES to RITUALS.

Rituals are richer in meaning than habits/routines. Rituals have many positive effects on our lives. They can:

• Increase Attention
• Inspire Creativity
• Increase Working memory
• Help with Emotional regulation
• Boost Immune function
• Enhance Cognitive performance
• Regulate Self-control
• Facilitate Healthy habits
• Reduce stress

Can you think of some women that wear jewelry, dresses, makeup, talk softly, the whole nine but they don’t seem feminine to you? Why is this? One reason is the intent behind the routines they are doing. Because of this, it's important to turn daily routines into powerful feminine rituals. These rituals can put you back in contact with your feminine energy and help you express who you are — truly.

Both routines and rituals consist of repetitive actions undertaken on a regular basis. But there are a couple important differences between them.

Routines - Result Driven

Routines employ end results that are practical.

Example: When you brush your teeth, you’re doing it for cleanliness. When you brush your hair, it’s to make it manageable. When you take a shower, you’re doing it to clean your body efficiently and quickly.

The efficacy of routines lies in the actions themselves. There is no deeper meaning or purpose behind a routine; it’s done for its own sake. As a result, it can be accomplished without much thought.

Rituals- Experience Driven

There is a meaning and purpose behind a ritual that transcends its observable components.

Rituals are inward and transcendent: a centered mind, expanded spirit, or renewed dedication to a goal.

Rituals center your mind and build your focus.

Rituals quiet the daily frenzy of your mind, but can also help carry you through times when greater interruptions have burst upon your life.

They exercise your focus receives from engaging in ritual will extend out to other areas of your life as well, improving your attention span for other tasks that require keen concentration

How to change your ROUTINES into RITUALS

Incorporate Visualization

Make it Special. Take journaling, for example. Get a fancy journal and nice pen. It might sound silly that swapping out your BIC pen and spiral notebook could turn the routine into a ritual, but it works.

If you put on jewelry every morning just to look more put together…. this is a routine. However, let’s say you put on your grandmother’s pearls or even pearls you intend to pass down to your grandchildren… You have shifted into a ritual. This is not just any set of pearls, but your grandmother’s. This may further serve as a daily reminder to become a strong link in your family’s generations of feminine women. Example: How AKA’s wear pearls A LOT to remind them to act with class and elegance at all times. How Delta’s wear elephants to remind them to be strong, intelligent, and resilient. These objects are SPECIAL to them not just a routine. It has a deeper purpose.

Timing is Important. Taking a walk in the morning may seem rather pedestrian, while walking at night may feel a little magical and mysterious. Taking a shower in the morning may be just to clean, taking a bath at night AFTER your showered for cleanliness might make you feel more radiant, royal, and at ease if you couple it with special soap, candles, music, environment, and more.

Work Your Mindset Muscle. Listen to classical music as you shave with your razor. Journal with your fountain pen in the morning in your sunroom. Read your scriptures at night by candlelight with a warm mug of tea. By seeking to turn your ordinary routines into spirit-renewing rituals, you can elevate your ordinary life into one embedded with greater meaning, purpose, and enchantment. Make it whimsical. What’s a ritual you need to employ?



Week 8 Challenge
1. Pick 3 Routines you have been doing consistently during this challenge. Write out how you will change this into a ritual.
2. Using your planner from the previous weeks, make deliberate times for you to do these rituals. PENCIL YOURSELF IN FIRST. Write down in your planner the days you intend to do your rituals.

Example Rituals

1. Lay out your clothes for the week and iron them. Play music or listen to TV while you’re doing this.

2. Long Bubble Baths with essential oils to Moisturize and visualize every care leaving your body and being cleansed away by the soothing, aromatic water.

3. Long Walks in the park or in the neighborhood. Incorporate music and pay attention to nature and feel gratitude for the beauty around you.

4. DIY Manicures and Pedicures in a special room/area of the house. Imagine yourself being pampered how you deserve to be pampered in every area of life.

5. Wearing nice jewelry: real pieces of jewelry. Pearl Necklace, Bracelet, ring that symbolize what you could pass down to your family in the future or how royal you are and deserving of REAL jewelry.

6. Exercise: Yoga, Pilates, Walking, Running, just get to running. Invest in some special clothes or at least matching clothes lol, nice playlist, envision yourself running into greatness for your life.

7. Meditate for 10-15 minutes each morning and night in a special location. Envision the positivity entering your life.

8. Light a candle and drink wine. Invest in a Bath table while you take long baths to wash away your problems.

9. Drink Water- Invest in a special cup. Special time during the day? Envision yourself cleansing every single cell of your body.

10. Juicing- Could be incorporated as a breakfast routine but made special by placing in a special mug or drinking in a special location looking at the sun come up.

11. Plating and sitting at your table eating. Imagine yourself as royalty, being served and eating well every single day because you deserve it.

12. While bathing and applying cleanser and moisturizer to your face, say loving affirmations to yourself with feeling while doing basic maintenance. Some affirmations could include:
-My skin is so smooth and healthy!
-My skin is so clear!
-My hair is so thick and luscious! My edges are thick and luscious.
-I love my curves and my body flaws and all.
-My body looks great! It is a temple and I treat it as such!
-I am a divinely feminine woman and just by being ME I am absolutely beautiful

13. Using a Yoni egg. Let it get charged up by the sun. Then speak affirmations inside the egg. Then insert it.

 

[snoop]

2. Strive to dress feminine and wear a dress for at least 3 days this week and take in the results of people around your -- men and women.

View attachment 455661
Am receiving compliments from women and random men are opening doors for me and letting me enter places ahead of them .

These are really pretty dresses, but my eyes are drawn to the red boots!

3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures! Could you emulate it?

View attachment 455665

Bipasha Basu

She is really pretty.



I was looking at all of the photos to see what they had in common -- including yours -- and it's that everyone looks fresh faced and glowing. I feel like, femininity may have some energy of youth attached to it. Not, in terms of age, but in terms of vitality. This thought is not etched in stone in my mind, something that I was pondering looking at the photos.

Question for everyone: Can you be feminine and matronly? Or is being matronly more "mature" "masculine" energy?

 

[snoop]

Week 7 Challenge
1. What's your feminine makeup routine?
My daily makeup routine is mascara, blush, filled in eyebrows and sometimes gloss. Sometimes I add eyeshadow and when I'm feeling frisky, a cat eye. I was doing the full face with foundation, concealer and contouring, but I backed off of the beat face look because I feel like it was messing with my skin. I don't know if I can get the beat-esque look without foundation, but I'll play around with it and see. I tried lashes once and it's not something I can see myself doing seriously. I got my eyebrows waxed recently and I do need to keep them up because I'll go a year before getting them done again.

3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures!Could you emulate it?
I absolutely love http://stylepantry.com/

I love style pantry's style. She always looks immaculate. (I want that gold belt!)

I don't have a proper arch in my foot (it's high if I'm standing, but I can't point my toes) AND I'm knock kneed and so I will never get gorgeous heels like these. My feminine friend gave me some advice once on building a wardrobe, and suggested getting pointy shoes. I've noticed that despite the trend for rounded toes, pointed shoes are what a lot of these women wear when they get dressed up. I just picked up a super cheap pair of pointed toe flats and already I know that it'll make my jean outfits look cuter than my ballet flats. I need to go out and find some fashionable heeled boots like @Maracujá


I don't know if you can do a beat face without foundation, but you definitely can contour.

In the summer, or if I just want to slightly even out my tone, I'll use Make Up Forever's Water Blend Face & Body Foundation

If not, I'll just go barefaced and do my highlight and contour accordingly. When I do either of these methods, I go for natural looking highlights and contours.

 

[Keen]

Week 8 will be extra challenging... I must have missed it last year.

 

[Sosoothing]

Question for everyone: Can you be feminine and matronly? Or is being matronly more "mature" "masculine" energy?

I absolutely think so. I think of a matron as someone to look up to. Someone experienced and seasoned. As such I think its very possible to be feminine and matronly. Especially if you desire and welcome being an example to women learning how to tap into their femininity.

 

[almond eyes]

1. What's your feminine makeup routine?

View attachment 455659

Powder, blush, mascara and every once in a while: lipgloss. The secret is in taking optimal care of one's skin, releasing everything from the past and having great night sleep every single day.

2. Strive to dress feminine and wear a dress for at least 3 days this week and take in the results of people around your -- men and women.

View attachment 455661
Am receiving compliments from women and random men are opening doors for me and letting me enter places ahead of them .

3. What are some celebrities or pictures of women that you just LOVE their feminine style? Post a pictures! Could you emulate it?

View attachment 455663

Nicole Gibbons

View attachment 455665

Bipasha Basu

View attachment 455667

Queen Rania from Jordania

View attachment 455669

Teyonah Parris

I will say this again, you have the most gorgeous skin. Please share your tips. Your skin is so smooth and plump. You have the most amazing eye shape. And love your teeth gap too. Great personal style.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[ckisland]

@snoop I have the joy of being pigeon-toed knock kneed too!! LOL! I have such a distinctive walk . I'll look into pointy flats!

When I went to the store the other day, I bought Neutrogena Hydroboost face wash, and this white tea face cream with hydraluronic acid. It's not much, but I think that it'll improve the quality of my skin.

 

[Maracujá]

I will say this again, you have the most gorgeous skin. Please share your tips. Your skin is so smooth and plump. You have the most amazing eye shape. And love your teeth gap too. Great personal style.

Best,
Almond Eyes

Thank you so much . Had not forgotten about you at all, was just looking for the perfect approach to answer. Here are some excerpts from another thread I love: Beauty Secrets to stay looking Young ==>

"Your skin it's not only dark, it shines and it tells your story." - KING CARTER

So ladies I'm still at it with the chlorophyll and cerasee soap. From now on, I want to alternate between the cerasee soap and the black soap, I have an idea of which one to use for which season, but I haven't quite made up my mind yet. A few tips in the regard of skin care:

* If you're Christian, read the Bible regularly. Even if just in small increments at a time.

* Don't sleep on facial steams on a weekly basis. I always add rose water or a few drops of an essential oil to my water. I take it sandalwood would be perfect for this, as it helps to fade dark spots, but I have yet to try it. Will keep y'all updated.

* Weekly masks are also great, just not all on the same day. I prefer rich masks myself, as I have dry to combination skin

* We tend to get lazy at night, but washing your face before going to bed is really the game changer

* Applying a mist / spritzer (of floral water) after applying your make up in the morning and at night, after moisturizing your face does wonders. I sometimes add it to my water, when I'm rinsing my face, it works great too.

* On a spiritual level, go on a forgiving binge. Forgive everyone who's ever done you wrong, as small as it may be. Make it a daily exercise, your pores will thank you

* Always go to bed at a reasonable hour. If you're tired: sleep and/or rest. Ditch sodas for tea, natural juices and plain ol' water.

* Mild exercises such as walking are great, that wind that hits your skin works wonders

* Eat healthy: more fruits and veggies, from all kinds of different cultures

* Your facial skin is usually telling the story of the health of your womb. So take care of your womb by eating organic yoghurt and track your cycle meticulously. Again, as women, we store everything up in our womb. I cannot stress this enough: them folks that hurt you back in the day, that man that didn't treat you like you deserved? Do yourself a favor and FOR-GIVE them. Otherwise it will just cloud your womb.

* Forgot to mention that I also fast once a week from midnight till 6pm the day after, for religious reasons. On that day I also fast from social media altogether.

* I've cut out sodas from my diet, the only time I drink them, is when I'm out and they're offered to me (no other alternative). But in my home I only drink water or tea.

* As far as food goes: more fruits and veggies really, less meat. Meat has really become a luxury due to its price. Cleaned up my entire diet due to my mental illness and the results have been great so far. Once again, thank you for the compliments.

Sorry for being so longwinded. I struggled with my facial skin for a long time, so this topic is very near and dear to my heart, next to hair care of course.

 

[almond eyes]

Thank you so much . Had not forgotten about you at all, was just looking for the perfect approach to answer. Here are some excerpts from another thread I love: Beauty Secrets to stay looking Young ==>

"Your skin it's not only dark, it shines and it tells your story." - KING CARTER

So ladies I'm still at it with the chlorophyll and cerasee soap. From now on, I want to alternate between the cerasee soap and the black soap, I have an idea of which one to use for which season, but I haven't quite made up my mind yet. A few tips in the regard of skin care:

* If you're Christian, read the Bible regularly. Even if just in small increments at a time.

* Don't sleep on facial steams on a weekly basis. I always add rose water or a few drops of an essential oil to my water. I take it sandalwood would be perfect for this, as it helps to fade dark spots, but I have yet to try it. Will keep y'all updated.

* Weekly masks are also great, just not all on the same day. I prefer rich masks myself, as I have dry to combination skin

* We tend to get lazy at night, but washing your face before going to bed is really the game changer

* Applying a mist / spritzer (of floral water) after applying your make up in the morning and at night, after moisturizing your face does wonders. I sometimes add it to my water, when I'm rinsing my face, it works great too.

* On a spiritual level, go on a forgiving binge. Forgive everyone who's ever done you wrong, as small as it may be. Make it a daily exercise, your pores will thank you

* Always go to bed at a reasonable hour. If you're tired: sleep and/or rest. Ditch sodas for tea, natural juices and plain ol' water.

* Mild exercises such as walking are great, that wind that hits your skin works wonders

* Eat healthy: more fruits and veggies, from all kinds of different cultures

* Your facial skin is usually telling the story of the health of your womb. So take care of your womb by eating organic yoghurt and track your cycle meticulously. Again, as women, we store everything up in our womb. I cannot stress this enough: them folks that hurt you back in the day, that man that didn't treat you like you deserved? Do yourself a favor and FOR-GIVE them. Otherwise it will just cloud your womb.

* Forgot to mention that I also fast once a week from midnight till 6pm the day after, for religious reasons. On that day I also fast from social media altogether.

* I've cut out sodas from my diet, the only time I drink them, is when I'm out and they're offered to me (no other alternative). But in my home I only drink water or tea.

* As far as food goes: more fruits and veggies really, less meat. Meat has really become a luxury due to its price. Cleaned up my entire diet due to my mental illness and the results have been great so far. Once again, thank you for the compliments.

Sorry for being so longwinded. I struggled with my facial skin for a long time, so this topic is very near and dear to my heart, next to hair care of course.

Dear Maracujá,

Thanks for this. Love it!!!!!!!!!!No wonder your skin glows. I like a lot of what you have said. I will borrow a few.

Best,
Almond eyes

 

[tinkat]

I started officially last week. The biggest challenge has been being more gentle with my communication. It is something that I have been mindful of for a while, so this will be helpful. I have been stating my affirmations for speaking gently so that is helping me stay focused even when I slip up.

Week 1 Challenge
1. Find an accountability partner. It’s a good idea to have someone to check in with on a weekly basis to help you with your feminine words, your feminine actions and staying in your feelings rather than your thoughts. Begin thinking about who would be the best person to keep you grounded. I am choosing life coach as my accountability partner.

2. Buy a planner: This was easy because I have one already, one for everything and one for things like this!

3. What SMART feminine goals do you have?
-Do one self care activity outside of the home once a month.
-Begin a daily skin care routine.
-Go walking out in nature by myself (without baby or husband) once a week.
-During my husband and I daily talks, use the time to intentionally communicate gently and more feminine.

4. What mini goals will help you accomplish these goals?
Write down a list of activities I want to do and before the month starts pick an activity and schedule it.-DONE
Find Products I would like to use and then begin- (waiting on products to come in mail)
Write Affirmations to support me with my communication-DONE

5. How will you keep your vibe HIGH each day?
Daily Prayer and meditation, affirmations, and journaling.

 

[snoop]

Participants -
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
@almond eyes
@tinkat



WEEK 9 Manage Your Leisure Time/ Become Well Read

What are you out at the reservoir for. I responded, “Writing Poetry.” My brother kind of scoffed. It was a tone I’ve heard oh too much. Silently he was yelling...go do something productive. Go do something worth your while. Leisure time is not important. Be a busy bee.

Participating in leisure and recreation activities can help you become more feminine and in turn help you to better manage stress and reduce depression. Leisure provides you the chance to find balance in your life; it also puts you in control of how you're spending your time, which is an important consideration because you may feel overwhelmed by obligations from your husband, SO, family or children.

Identify those things that make your heart sing. Some will find this so easy; they’ll assume it should go without saying. But a surprising number of people devote so much of their time to work that they’ve forgotten what it is they truly love to do just for fun. Whether it’s physical activities like dancing, tennis, doodling, playing outside, or fishing, or craft activities like photography, sewing or knitting, find those things that create joy and contentment in your heart. Pencil yourself in above everything else. Put yourself FIRST.


Pull your planner out if you have to and continue to pencil in time for yourself. Make time for YOU. Take care of yourself and do it WELL!

One way to accomplish this is to become well read. It will give you more to talk about in conversations and help you to become more well rounded.

Be well read. You don’t need a college degree (although there’s certainly nothing wrong with having one) to be able to read good books! I’m not referring to self-help books. Develop your mind by reading classics, books about history, literature, biographies of important people and missionaries, and other tasteful genres of reading.


___________________________


Week 9 Challenge

1. Name 3 books you intend to read that are not self-help books. Specifically, make time to read for leisure.
2. What are you doing in your leisure time? Make a plan to pencil in leisure time each day. Bath time? Read a book for 20 minutes a day? Walk a mile or two? Sit on the beach? Play in the garden? Brunch with some friends? Play on a playground? Work on developing your leisure plan. What can you do for leisure each day?
3. Choose a book or series of articles to read on self-development. Read it for 5 minutes each night before you go to bed, or before getting out of bed. What did you learn?

 

[snoop]

@Maracujá Thank you for these tips! I do some, but not all and not consistently.

I love that your routine consists of the physical, mental, and spiritual. You're right. When my mental and the physical are raised, I feel like I radiate more and I feel like I don't need to wear any make up.

Do you have a machine that you use to do your facials or do you use another method?

 

[snoop]

This past week I felt better about the routines that I've been developing. I'm starting small. In the mornings, I continued to tidy up the upstairs bedrooms. This week, I will try to include the upstairs bathrooms. I have also been pretty consistent with emptying the dishwasher and putting the dishes away in the dish rack in the morning. What I added to this was not leaving all of the dishes to the afternoon to wash. I have found that the more decluttered the spaces are, the more willing I have been to clean up and not only that, this past week I have enjoyed it.

I'm also getting better with living in the moment when I am doing my activities and not rushing. I wasn't successful at slowing down completely, but I've slowed down quite a bit and taken more time to love myself and my family. More cuddle time with DH. Enjoying the babies, even when they wake me up at 3am. Just studying the space that I'm in and the people that I'm with. Catching my thoughts and what triggers them -- good and bad. Reducing social media time has helped a lot.

 

[Maracujá]

@Maracujá Thank you for these tips! I do some, but not all and not consistently.

I love that your routine consists of the physical, mental, and spiritual. You're right. When my mental and the physical are raised, I feel like I radiate more and I feel like I don't need to wear any make up.

Do you have a machine that you use to do your facials or do you use another method?

You're welcome!

As for consistency, I struggle(d) with it too, it's not that easy. But keep in mind that it is what separates girls from women. I know a young Black woman who started a fashion blog a couple of years ago. I got really interested, especially because I grew up with her. But she's very inconsistent with the posting. She never really says why, but I think I know why. I remember being around her age and not understanding that it's consistency that yields great results. It's like A Naija lady here once said: " Life is not about what you do every once and a while. It's about what you do every single day."

This is why it's so important to get the mental right, so that when negative outside forces hit - in whatever capacity - you are able to recalibrate quickly (depending on what happened of course). Like right now I'm in the process of changing homes, back in the days that would've totally thrown me off track. This time around, I'm being all kinds of strategic. Hope to be able to post more about it, once everything is settled.

As for the physical, mental and spiritual being aligned ==> that is the most important part. You get a notion of it in your 30s, but my sister tells me that it solidifies in your 40s. Just to give an example:


Though I've always liked wearing some make up, the difference is striking in terms of looks. It's essentially the same make up I'm wearing in both pitchas. But my outlook on life has completely changed and that has made all of the difference in the result. As the saying goes: a smile is the best make up any girl can wear. Otherwise the make up never totally blends in, it just sits on your face.

As you mentioned, most days, I really don't wear any make up. I've always known that beauty comes from the inside. So right now I am delving deeper into this topic and it's mind blowing to say the least. Also, by this age and with the help of Facebook , it's a serious case of hindsight is 20/20. Because you get to see how people are aging, where they are headed in life, how life has treated them,...etc. And because in most cases you grew up with said people, you know their behavior...let's just say that things start to make more sense in the end.

For my facials: I do use a machine. But I'm thinking about purchasing a new one, as the old one is slowly caving in after 3 years of usage.

 

[Chicoro]

Week #8

The routine I've elevated to a ritual is shining my shoes and my purse. I bought another pair of boots during my Stateside visit in December 2019. This weekend, I went into a high end men's shoe store where I bought Saphir shoe polish which is pure luxury in terms of shoe shine and shoe products. I got a jar of pigment made with Shea butter and some wax with the same pigment. My father shone his shoes daily. So, when I shine my shoes it takes me back to him and his presence. Shining my shoes is a joy and pleasure.

My hands and finger nails become stained with the pigment. But, I just wash my hands with some delicate soap. As a result of the effort, my shoes gleam beautiful and they receive and reflect the meticulous loving care I provide to them.

In turn, this reflects on me. Every bit of loving care I give to things, thoughts and situations that directly impact me, elevate the care and attention I give to myself overall. Little by little I'm collecting, pulling in and cinching down my femininity.

 

[Chicoro]

Week #9

The week 9 challenge is right up my alley! I am constantly reading books. Finally, a challenge I can do that is not overwhelming or that doesn't feel so out of reach for me.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I've been wanting to reduce the meat in my diet for some time now. Taking the plunge and giving it up for lent. Also trying to give up alcohol. I’m using an app for accountability. Last night I start experiencing symptoms of migraine so I’m taking a personal day to detox and reenergize. Im convinced the migraines are stress/job related. This is my third this year- I’d gone about 4 years w/o. Today is about me planning my menu, documenting new goals and being stress free. Tomorrow I’ll be energized and ready for work.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

WEEK 9 Manage Your Leisure Time/ Become Well Read

What are you out at the reservoir for. I responded, “Writing Poetry.” My brother kind of scoffed. It was a tone I’ve heard oh too much. Silently he was yelling...go do something productive. Go do something worth your while. Leisure time is not important. Be a busy bee.

Participating in leisure and recreation activities can help you become more feminine and in turn help you to better manage stress and reduce depression. Leisure provides you the chance to find balance in your life; it also puts you in control of how you're spending your time, which is an important consideration because you may feel overwhelmed by obligations from your husband, SO, family or children.

Identify those things that make your heart sing. Some will find this so easy; they’ll assume it should go without saying. But a surprising number of people devote so much of their time to work that they’ve forgotten what it is they truly love to do just for fun. Whether it’s physical activities like dancing, tennis, doodling, playing outside, or fishing, or craft activities like photography, sewing or knitting, find those things that create joy and contentment in your heart. Pencil yourself in above everything else. Put yourself FIRST.


Pull your planner out if you have to and continue to pencil in time for yourself. Make time for YOU. Take care of yourself and do it WELL!

One way to accomplish this is to become well read. It will give you more to talk about in conversations and help you to become more well rounded.

Week 9 Challenge

1. Name 3 books you intend to read that are not self-help books. Specifically, make time to read for leisure.
I read 1-3 free fluff iBooks a week. Usually comedies or romance set in Montana
I read one classic each year. Haven’t chosen one yet for this year. Maybe Frankenstein- I haven’t finished it.
2. What are you doing in your leisure time? Make a plan to pencil in leisure time each day. Bath time? Read a book for 20 minutes a day? Walk a mile or two? Sit on the beach? Play in the garden? Brunch with some friends? Play on a playground? Work on developing your leisure plan. What can you do for leisure each day?
I purchase a book of prompts at Barnes & nobles that I will write in 2-3 times a week. I’m getting back into a more full body care routine- scrubbing salts, sheet masks etc. this is where I miss my house. This Apartment bathroom does not inspire me. Maybe I’ll redecorate
3. Choose a book or series of articles to read on self-development. Read it for 5 minutes each night before you go to bed, or before getting out of bed. What did you learn? I think my mamba mentality book was delivered so I’ll reading that along with a retirement book.

 

[snoop]

This week's challenge will be so difficult for me. Last month I finished my first novel in ages. It took me over two years, y'all. My husband and I laugh about it. It wasn't bad, it's just that I didn't commit the time.

I used to read while commuting to and from work. It was great. Now, the TV goes on in my free time so that I can mutitask on my computer, phone, (paper) notebook, etc. I've got a bunch of books that are waiting to be read. Wish me luck!

 

[Brwnbeauti]

This week's challenge will be so difficult for me. Last month I finished my first novel in ages. It took me over two years, y'all. My husband and I laugh about it. It wasn't bad, it's just that I didn't commit the time.

I used to read while commuting to and from work. It was great. Now, the TV goes on in my free time so that I can mutitask on my computer, phone, (paper) notebook, etc. I've got a bunch of books that are waiting to be read. Wish me luck!

You have to find something you cannot put down! good luck!

 

[Chicoro]

Week 9 Challenge

1. Name 3 books you intend to read that are not self-help books.

• Deaths of Despair and the Future of Capitalism by Anne Case and Angus Deaton
• Bogle on Mutual Funds by John C Boggle
• Content 10x by Amy Woods

2. What are you doing in your leisure time? Make a plan to pencil in leisure time each day. Bath time? Read a book for 20 minutes a day? Walk a mile or two? Sit on the beach? Play in the garden? Brunch with some friends? Play on a playground? Work on developing your leisure plan. What can you do for leisure each day?

• In the 52 Mondays thread was where I used to do my Self-Care/Leisure Time Care. Since that thread is gone, it has orphaned where I put my self-care goals. So, I can put them here, now.
• Every month, I try to socialize. Instead of refusing invites to have lunch or dinner at people's homes, I try to accept them. I try to do one thing with other human beings at least once a month.
• I have some roller skates that I bought 2 years ago. I love going to skate in the park, early mornings when no one is around. My schedule changed so I only have time on the weekend. But, if I get up early enough, there is a time period where there are not that many people around.
  
• Every day I read one of my books.

3. Choose a book or series of articles to read on self-development. Read it for 5 minutes each night before you go to bed, or before getting out of bed. What did you learn?

• I am an avid reader and I have a voracious appetite for books. I don't like the library because they rarely have the books for which I am looking to read.
• I have a backlog of books so I am not going to put pressure on myself by adding something else here!

 

[tinkat]

Week 2 Challenge
1. Find ways to be more present this week. When my husband and I have our conversations during quality time, I am not on my phone. I spent even more time being more present with my daughter and playing with her more. When I went to a meet up I noticed after the fact that I did not look at my phone the whole time. Because I have been more present, I have had more of a desire/or more energy to focus my attention on preparing creative meals in the kitchen. I can say that my creative juices have been flowing and I have been able to have downloads on the vision that I have for my business ventures.
2. Tune in to your bedroom. Look at it as if it were a hotel. Would you actually want to stay there? Is it calming? Is it relaxing? Can you retreat to this space and not feel pressured to do anything but be?

Your bedroom is the most private room in the house, and it should be the most personal. Your bed should feel like the ultimate sanctuary and make you happy every time you get into it. Your bedroom should be your safe haven, so make it a place you want to be. Allow yourself to buy fresh flowers every week, light a candle every night to unwind, declutter it!

Get rid of the papers and laptops and cell phones. Work can wait. Your bedroom should be your sacred space. Think candles, a bath tray for the tub with your favorite scents, wine, soap, and candles. Clean up the clutter. Make up your bed each day. Be unapologetic with it. Clean it like you mean it and you’re the owner or a fancy hotel. Cultivate being present in your bedroom. Just be. Non sexually and sexually touch your spouse, smile, laugh, have a childlike characteristic about yourself. Be free, airy, light, and just feminine. Put on a cute pajama set (or invest in one this week). Wear perfume or body splash to bed. Put as much effort into it like you do when you’re going to work. Be present...even in your bedroom.

I have declutter my bedroom already a few months back. We live in tighter space than we use to live and we have downsized a lot already. I will say that my husband side can be an eyesore because he is just one of those people that will not pick up his stuff and I got tired of asking him to pick it up and also doing it myself so I stopped. I keep the bed clear and my side clear. So is it ideal, no and this is where I need to figure out how to express my concerns without aggression. Despite that my husband and I have began to cuddle in our bed like old times. Having a baby really shifted things and slowly we are getting use to this new balance that is coming through. I just got my skin care package this week and started it. It is a simple regime and makes me feel like I am pampering myself.

 

[Maracujá]

Some random musings about feminity:

* One day my soul just opened up ...AND I realized that women who look like they have it warm and are warm all the time, exude more peace and love. As we all know, often times, women are the ones who are always very cold. That's why we take such hot showers . So, I decided a few years back to never turn off my heating system, while at home. It has helped in the sense that I barely ever catch a cold anymore. Also, I sleep like a baby. Which brings me to my next point: it's better to rent / buy a smaller place, that you are able to fully keep warm. Rather than a place that is big but in which for example one of the rooms cannot be heated. I have been to places like that and it's very unpleasant. It also gives you financial confidence: you are able and capable to heat your home (for those of us living in areas with extremely cold climates). This also entails buying a very warm coat / jacket for winter.

* Read this on a Black women's blog one day and it hit home: it's very important to rethink self-care for us, as Black women. There are very few Black magazines, so most of what is deemed 'self-care' is geared towards women of other races. Which may not necessarily work for us, given our historic background. As the word entails, 'self-care' within an European context, is often about 'me-time'. Whereas in African culture for example, that's not necessarily the case. We love being surrounded by people. We feel strengthened when surrounded by others who share our goals & values. Just to give an example: Demetria Lucas had the following to say about Kobe Bryant's funeral ==> "Shouldn't there be someone dressed in white, standing next to Vanessa, just in case she passes out or something?" And I remember that when Dr. Myles Munroe passed away, there were people just standing next to his son and daughter, while they talked about who he was to them.

I strongly believe that until a Black woman carves out a self-care routine that is specifically tailored to her needs as a Black woman, she is setting herself up for failure in this regard. In my case, that goes for anything now. I don't even wanna do finances with the European model in mind anymore. But I digress.

* Having time is the new owning things. There is a nuance of course. But overall, I believe this really rings true. Was talking to one of my Caucasian co-workers who happens to be a woman and our conversation just left me gasping for air. She said that after 35 years of working full time...she now believes it's time to wind down and work part time. I will let y'all use your imagination as to how these 35 years of working full time, have left her looking like . It makes no sense to start working so hard early on, when the big money will only be handed to you around your 40s - 60s. This is extremely important for us as Black women because we are passing down a DNA of overworking & stress to our children. I'm sitting at a French café right now: there was a group of White women that were here, they just left. Now two Asian women have walked in, to simply dine and enjoy a conversation. I rarely see Black women doing this in this country. Is it a cultural thing? No. There are other groups of women who live like this as well, but I'm talking about my ethnic group because charity begins at home.

 

[kupenda]

@Maracujá can you explain the sentiment on not working hard early in life when good money will be given to you later on? I’ve never seen that happen, where people took it easy or light early in life and then after they got to their 40’s, they were able to have access to more funds

 

[snoop]

Week 10: Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike

I know we had a lot of trouble with this challenge last year. It can often be very very hard to find that balance between being an adult but still having FUN. Playtime is very important. It helps you stay present, in the moment, light, airy, fun, and playful while getting away from the logic and more into the heart by focusing on your feelings. As an adult, when we make time for play, we think of playing games on your iphone or watching TV. However, take a step back. What are ways you could "play" like a child? Have a tickle fest? Play board games? Color in a adult coloring book? Paint? Go skiing. Run around the house being silly. Go to the beach and act silly making sandcastles and have fun playing with water.

https://fascinatingwomanhood.com/bl...d-mini-class-why-is-childlikeness-so-powerful

What is childlikeness? It’s a way of responding to another person, particularly our husbands or potential husbands. It borrows the charm and innocence of a child that is devoid of sarcasm, bitterness or hate—yet gets the message across.

One example was a man who woke up grumpy and took it out on his wife. She responded with, “You mean thing. I’m going to burn your pancakes if you aren’t nice to me”.

Another example of a childlike response to an insensitive or rude comment a husband might make about the tough pork chops his wife just served him could be, “How could you be so mean to me? I only made these old pork chops because I thought you liked them”. There are endless responses to endless thoughtless behaviors.

Of course, the way these responses are said makes a difference too. Childlikeness is mostly pretense, not real anger. You recognize that he is just taking you for granted or taking something out on you, not thinking about what he says.

Never use words that belittle his masculinity such as calling him “stupid, ugly, dumb, etc.” Words that compliment his maleness work best and might include: “You brute”, or “You big meanie” and other phrases that make him seem bigger than he already is. Exaggerate by saying things like “I’ll never speak to you again” or “How could you be so mean to a poor little girl like me?”

Sometimes women look at their husbands from under lowered lashes after they’ve delivered their childlike line just to see his response, then huff out of the room when they see an amused expression on his face.

Some women have told me they are so scared of trying childlikeness for the first time, they practice beforehand. But that’s perfectly okay. I’ve heard many women say, once they got the hang of it, they almost look forward to their husbands being thoughtless again so they can deliver another childlike response and see the amusement and then tender comeback from their husbands.

Study childlikeness. Practice childlikeness. It’s an amazing part of Fascinating Womanhood and can not only diffuse those many situations that result in human thoughtlessness, but can deepen and strengthen your marriage.

*Word of caution: Childlikeness is not for situations where deep hurt has occurred such as if you just found out he has cheated on you or has seriously abused you.

Some Examples:
Example 1: Have joy when your man buys you a present.
Over exaggerate it. "Ohhhh this is the most beautiful set of flowers I’ve ever seen." Girl those flowers aren't THAT beautiful. It doesn't matter. Lie. It's part of your feminine expertise. You have to be an actor.

Example 2: Play it up "I just love it when my man takes care of me and buys me flowers!" We know you're used to this behavior. You're a feminine woman after all. You deserve and are used to this. We get it. Still play it up.

Example 3: Be like a little girl at times. Kiss him, give him nonsexual touch, and swoon.
“Big stubborn man, you’re not going to get angry at little poor me.”

Example 4: Wink at him sometimes and then run off giggling like you just can't stop laughing.

Example 5: *Only do this if both of you all are playful like this* Run in the room and shoot him with a water gun or throw water on him. Scream and giggle when he tries to chase you. Be playful.

Example 6: Make things that’s only said between you and him like you allare back in school. Chimamanda’s book the girl calls her boyfriend ceiling. Everyone always asked why and she said it was because he was sooo y’all and smirked to him. That wasn’t the answer. It was something sexual but it helped build intimacy between the boy and girl

Example 7: Peacelover said every time she works out her husband playfully throws water on her to”cool her off”. She throws water back and laughs lol and just takes time to play with him.

Example 8: Just act silly. Be playful. Tickle each other or allow yourself to be tickled. Get the rent/mortgage money and”make it rain” on your man. Play hide and seek. Act out some scenes. Just BE PRESENT.

Example 9: Say stuff like *pouts* I’m never going to talk to you again. Then look up at him with those big pretty brown eyes to pretend like you’re checking if he is hearing you.

Example 10: Let’s say he wants you to drive. Talk in a feminine seeet sing song child-like voice “Oh baby I’m too scared to drive. What if something hits us. You drive way better than me. I’m just too scared.” Be an actress

Example 11: When you're in the mall hold his hand. When you go to a store that you would like to get something from get excited and say Oh my gosh I love this store. Act like a kid in a candy store. Act like you're just DRAWN to go inside. Hold the clothes up next to you. Oh my gosh I think this would look soooo cute on me. Put the dress on. Don't zip the back. Ask if he could help you zip the dress up (so he can picture him undressing yourself in it). Just take in the whole experience and lavish in it like a child.

Example 12: He said something kind of rude. “Just because you're so handsome doesn't mean you can speak to me like that, mister!”

Example 13: He criticizes you for something. “You may be hairy as a bear but I'm not going to let you growl at me!”


If you're not in the habit of asking your man to do things for you (probably because you feel he should already know or be doing these things....) make sure to put please at the end. For example. Get the groceries out the car on your way out......pleeeeeeease (big strong man). Wink at him. Make sure you look him in the eye and be girly. Play it up a little bit.



Week 10 Challenge
1. Practice saying some kind of child-like phrase once a day.
2. Practice asking your SO or a man to do something for you that you would probably normally do each day. (Can you pass me the loaf of bread...please)
3. How could YOU play one day this week? How could you PLAY with others?

 

[Maracujá]

@Maracujá can you explain the sentiment on not working hard early in life when good money will be given to you later on? I’ve never seen that happen, where people took it easy or light early in life and then after they got to their 40’s, they were able to have access to more funds

Oh yes, absolutely, thank you for asking. Keep in mind that I can only speak for Europe and not the US. Even though, for certain people, it's a much similar situation as here.

In Belgium, most people get paid an hourly wage. There was a template flowing around on the internet, with all the hourly wages one could earn and how much that totaled. It's very rare that someone makes more that €10.00 - €15.00/hour early on in life, say in your 20s - 30s. It happens, in cities such as Brussels and Antwerp, due to the fact that the European institutions and port are respectively located in these cities. But again, it's very rare.

So imho - and speaking out of experience - it's not that smart to work yourself to death around that age. It's best to obtain as many skills as possible, so as to assure better income later on in life. The life template most people follow is: start working full time right after graduation, immediately move in with someone (so as to be able to afford a mortgage), buy a home with an average payment plan that takes 20 years to pay off. That is a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

If you gain the necessary skills in your 20s - 30s, then buy your home around 40s - 60s, you can actually pay off your home much faster. Because your income has now increased. Life in Europe is not as expensive as in the US. So if you are earning anywhere from €2000.00 - €10000.00/month, you can live a very comfortable life.

What I see however, is young people trying to have dinner in the morning: they go to work in Brussels, with a starting salary of €4000.00/month and after a while, they fizzle out / burn out. They were ill prepared for the responsibilities that such a well paying job brings with it. So in my eyes, it's a bad idea.

Hope this is clear. If not, feel free to say so and I'll do my best to further explain.

 

[snoop]

Oh yes, absolutely, thank you for asking. Keep in mind that I can only speak for Europe and not the US. Even though, for certain people, it's a much similar situation as here.

In Belgium, most people get paid an hourly wage. There was a template flowing around on the internet, with all the hourly wages one could earn and how much that totaled. It's very rare that someone makes more that €10.00 - €15.00/hour early on in life, say in your 20s - 30s. It happens, in cities such as Brussels and Antwerp, due to the fact that the European institutions and port are respectively located in these cities. But again, it's very rare.

So imho - and speaking out of experience - it's not that smart to work yourself to death around that age. It's best to obtain as many skills as possible, so as to assure better income later on in life. The life template most people follow is: start working full time right after graduation, immediately move in with someone (so as to be able to afford a mortgage), buy a home with an average payment plan that takes 20 years to pay off. That is a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

If you gain the necessary skills in your 20s - 30s, then buy your home around 40s - 60s, you can actually pay off your home much faster. Because your income has now increased. Life in Europe is not as expensive as in the US. So if you are earning anywhere from €2000.00 - €10000.00/month, you can live a very comfortable life.

What I see however, is young people trying to have dinner in the morning: they go to work in Brussels, with a starting salary of €4000.00/month and after a while, they fizzle out / burn out. They were ill prepared for the responsibilities that such a well paying job brings with it. So in my eyes, it's a bad idea.

Hope this is clear. If not, feel free to say so and I'll do my best to further explain.

Is post secondary school free in Belgium?
Also, is there an unemployment insurance plan in place, there?