2019 52 Weeks To Being Divinely Feminine Thread

[Belle Du Jour]

I am independent, analytical, and direct. I personally wouldn't change a thing, these traits complement my feminine side.

This is your empowered masculine. These are good traits. Wounded masculine is another thing and we tend to attract men who reflect our wounded masculine.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I never feel guilty. I already know I’m nice, and I don’t have to be accommodating to prove it. It’s hard to say what I want to say without coming off as stush lol but here is a simple example I can give you. Very basic.

If I’m interested and you ask to take me out, I’ll say yes. I’m nice. If you tell me you want to take me out on the day of, I will tell you no because I’m nice. If you suggest a couple of days later, I’ll say yes, because I’m nice. If a day doesn’t work, I will tell you, because I’m nice. If the situation isn’t working for me, I will tell you, because I’m nice. If I don’t wish to conform, I don’t becsuse I’m nice.

I guess the way I see it, being nice is about me and accommodating is about others. You don’t have to be both, you have to be what’s best for you. And it seems you are very ok with that.

Wow!!! I love how you put this. Nice is about me. Accommodating is about others. I am ALWAYS nice but RARELY/NEVER accommodating

 

[Belle Du Jour]

My friend that’s in this challenge had a situation yesterday.

First she had a girls date with her friend. They were going to do makeup and hair all day and eat yummy snacks.

This guy calls her at the last minute and says he wants to take her out. He wanted to take her to a restaurant an hour away after he left an engagement. (You all NEVER cancel your plans for a man unless it’s a darn good last minute date )

He didn’t tell her what one said engagement ended. So she cancelled the time with her friend. She waited on guy. She did her makeup and got really cute. She waited and waited and waited. Instead of 3pm he showed up at SEVEN.

Keep in mind the restaurant is an hour away. The restaurant closed at 9.

When she said she didn’t want to go because she didn’t want the old food or then rushing her out he got mad. He said she never lets him pick where to take her. Then he suggested he take her to CHIK FIL A. (Which was probably is plan the whole time). This is where poise comes in. She told him do you think I wore all this makeup to go to Chik Fil A? I’ve been waiting on you all day. I can’t believe you. She went on and on how she felt disrespected.

He told her that he always feels like he’s in the courtroom with her. She is always trying to prove her point. He hates this.

I told her this is where we work on having strong boundaries and having the poise to saying them.

Boundaries:
I don’t accept last minute dates
I don’t accept breadcrumbs
I’m used to integrity (doing what u say) from the men i date.

And poise in keeping these boundaries. I wish she would have sent a script like “Oh I have plans. I wish you would have told me earlier I would have loved to see you. However, I am available tomorrow afternoon)

Or used some kinda communication tool like

Sandwich Tool:
Bread: Honey I always enjoy the times that we have together. I always feel so loved and special when spending time with you. Meat: However is we went to the restaurant this late I wouldn’t have enough time to really spend time with you and connect. Bread: I would rather go when it’s not close to closing time so I can have all my time with you What do you think?

This post is soooo long but it all goes to say. Keep it sweet, strong, poised, feminine, and straight to the point. Love you ladies.

She should never have canceled on her friend to accept the date. Treat men equally and never dump your girlfriends for a man. Also never wait around. A date is a time, place and date. If I don’t have all 3 pieces of info 24 hours before the date then in my mind there is no date. Finally she enforced her boundaries too late and in a negative way. The sandwich tool example you gave was perfect.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Wow!!! I love how you put this. Nice is about me. Accommodating is about others. I am ALWAYS nice but RARELY/NEVER accommodating

I like this

@Saludable84 that whole spill was so dope! You really broke it ALL the way down! Thank you soooo much.

 

[almond eyes]

Hi @PrissiSippi

Can you give some examples of empowered masculinity vs. wounded masculinity traits that sometimes we women can take on, unconsciously?

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[PrissiSippi]

Hi @PrissiSippi

Can you give some examples of empowered masculinity vs. wounded masculinity traits that sometimes we women can take on, unconsciously?

Best,
Almond Eyes

@Belle Du Jour this is your expertise not mine lol. Can you help?

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Hi @PrissiSippi

Can you give some examples of empowered masculinity vs. wounded masculinity traits that sometimes we women can take on, unconsciously?

Best,
Almond Eyes

Wounded masculine sounds like:
-you never get this right
-you’re not good enough
-you better do x,y,z

Empowered masculine sounds like:
-we’ll get through this
-you’ll figure it out
-I’m here for you

When your boy energy is off within yourself, you’ll attract men who reflect that. This is all very deep work and there are so many facets to it... which is why I love it lol! When I go home, I’ll post an interview Leigha Lake did with Helena Hart. Leigha is really the expert for understanding wounded/empowered energies.

 

[almond eyes]

Wounded masculine sounds like:
-you never get this right
-you’re not good enough
-you better do x,y,z

Empowered masculine sounds like:
-we’ll get through this
-you’ll figure it out
-I’m here for you

When your boy energy is off within yourself, you’ll attract men who reflect that. This is all very deep work and there are so many facets to it... which is why I love it lol! When I go home, I’ll post an interview Leigha Lake did with Helena Hart. Leigha is really the expert for understanding wounded/empowered energies.

Many thanks!!!!!!!!

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Belle Du Jour]

 

[PrissiSippi]

Participants -
@PrissiSippi
@ms-gg
@Supervixen
@TracyNicole
@PeaceLover
@Belle Du Jour
@SimplyWhole
@snoop
@Maracujá
@YvetteWithJoy
@LovingLady
@Jade Feria
@Meridian1944
@Sweetg
@Brwnbeauti
@LadyPBC
@intellectualuva
@tmv1
@rafikichick92
@cam2717
@CurliDiva
@Dee-Licious
@Jas123
@TwoSnapsUp
@Sosoothing
@AnjelLuvs
@taz007
@Keen
@Saludable84
@Soaring Eagle
@Daina
@mrselle
@Nefertiti0906
@RoundEyedGirl504
@LostInAdream
​

Recap
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner/Buy a Planner
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Polish Yourself to become Pretty n Poised
Week 4: Block History Month


Week 4: It's About to be Block History Month

Some people are peace stealers. They are always living in doubt and dysfunction.

As long as you have HOPE, you stay planted. But sometimes this can be a bad thing. What about that emotionally unavailable ex that still occasionally texts/calls you. What about the guys that you're dating that showed you their colors but you STILL hope they might pan out in the future. The difference in people who get what they want and people who DON'T is how people play their cards. Remember that a wise player can win with even a WEAK hand if they play the cards right. One way to do this is to CUT TIES with people who don't help you get to where you need to go.

Let's say you want a husband that is generous, stable, kind-hearted, and consistent. Well you have Joe over here that is CONSISTENT but he isn't generous. Over time, the more you spend time with him the more you feel like....well the problem isn't THAT bad. I could just buy my own things, I don't need his generosity or xyz. By you keeping the lines of communication open, you have HOPE he will change. You have HOPE you will change and you can deal with it. This HOPE keeps you away from getting what you want. MAKE SURE you make a list of what you want (house, car, man, friendships, children, and etc.) REJECT ANYTHING THAT IS NOT THAT to play your cards wisely.

Another example is, I asked @PeaceLover what should I say back? My cousin posted a status asking could you be in a relationship where the woman is the breadwinner. Now my cousin has a daddy with 4 million jobs, many streams of income, his mother is a housewife, and his mother is very well taken care of. But he said he wouldn’t mind if his girl made more money than him. Just as long as he respected him. Well of course, I disagreed. I felt that a girl couldn’t essentially respect him if she was paying most of the bills AND she has a man. (I mean what the hell are you here for if I’m STRUGGLING AND I got a man? I mean what’s the point?) Some of his bum bum disagreed and wanted to argue back and forth with me. AS SOON as my mind made the shift to argue my point (this is rarely effective)…..I stepped into masculine energy. We have to all learn to let it go. Remember to STAY in your feminine energy by focusing on the present, shifting your mindset, and intentionally being positive. KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOU and things that fill YOUR cup.

Your life, emails, inbox, and even timeline should be full of positivity and people who honor YOU. Run in the direction where you are loved. Our brains are designed to focus on whatever we give our attention to the most. If you only focus on the negative you will start to manifest and notice the negative things in life. With this said, if we give voice to them and let those things remain our focus, the act of negativity will rewire our brains to notice and create even more negativity. Be CAREFUL about what you are noticing and therefore manifesting. The most dangerous thing we can do while on this feminine journey is to allow our negative thoughts to flourish. This is allowing negativity to do pushups in your brain. It becomes stronger each and every day. Delete or at least unfollow people that have lots of dysfunction. Delete or unfollow people who believe in normalized dysfunction. By subjecting yourself to people like this, you lower your vibrations. You begin thinking that all or most people in the world think or behave like this. Therefore, you start to believe that you can’t break the mold and obtain things OUT of this dysfunction. With this in mind we need to remember a few things:

• We need to be aware of our conditioning and predispositions.
  
  
• We need to be aware AND SELECTIVE of what information we are exposing ourselves to because it CREATES and DEEPENS our conditioning.
  
  
• We need to CREATE our new conditioning as needed in order to start believing that different is possible.

You have to protect your peace and take care of your emotional energy. If you're taking on all this extra drama, you're not going to have the emotional energy you need to focus on dreams, help build a firm foundation for your family, and stay in your feminine energy. If you'll put up some boundaries, your life will be more peaceful and more effective. Who could you block or limit yourself from for Block History Month?

• People who believe in going 50/50
  
  
• Women who are very masculine and stay telling their husbands off
  
  
• People that say it’s better to stay in dysfunctional marriages/relationships rather than work on yourself
  
  
• Negative people who are always complaining
  
  
• Men who are very feminine acting and don’t believe in protecting and providing for women.
  
  
• People who are WOKE
  
  
• People who continuously post Black Lives Matter, R. Kelly fiascos, and other politically charged stuff.
  
  
• You may have to limit TV, internet, and radio since it dominates the daily flow of information you see.

Ways to protect yourself

• Try to stay away from comments section online
  
  
• Learn how to just say my bit and leave
  
  
• Block, unfollow, or unfriend people who don’t bring you peace.
  
  
• Detox and take breaks from Social Media/TV/Radio as needed.
  
  
• Learn script phrases to end the argument and disengage: “What an interesting opinion.” Don’t engage after this.

Remember you are a product of your environment. If you surround yourself with positive people and positive messages, your echo chamber is going to be motivating, challenging, and push you forward to chase your dreams. So choose and CREATE an environment that will best develop you towards your objective which is to become a feminine woman. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around your environment helping you towards success? Are they holding you back? How could you clean it up? Happy Block History Month.



Week 4 Challenge

1. Create an enviroment of positivity and encouragement. Run in the directions where you are loved. Run towards femininity, healthy relationships, fulfilling careers, and environments of positivity, faith, and hope.
   
   
2. Make a list of everything that you want. Block/Unfriend/Unfollow 20 people on your timeline/friend list that don’t HELP YOU GET CLOSER TO THIS and bring you peace.
   
   
3. Take a social media detox. Limit or take yourself away from social media for the entire week. Use feeling messages to note how you feel after the completion of a week detox.
   
   
4. Journal about with whom are you surrounding yourself? Where do you spend most of your free time? What are you doing daily? What kind of thoughts — both those from within and those from others — are you listening to daily? What are you disposing yourself to consciously and subconsciously?

 

[caribeandiva]

How did you find soooo many cute pictures? I see a few online and print them but you have soooo many.

Every single time I googled: glamorous black women illustrations. Then I picked my favorites. If I wanted something seasonal then I searched for “glamorous black women illustrations Summer” for example. Dassit.

 

[Sosoothing]

I realized recently that one of the things I need to work on is disengaging and not prolonging discussions and arguments with DH especially.
I also have a tendency to offer help when he doesn't ask for it or need it.

 

[caribeandiva]

When you lean back with a man, do you ever feel slightly guilty for not being a nice accommodating girl?

Nope. In my head I tell myself: I’m a b but a fine one!

 

[PrissiSippi]

Every single time I googled: glamorous black women illustrations. Then I picked my favorites. If I wanted something seasonal then I searched for “glamorous black women illustrations Summer” for example. Dassit.

That’s dope. I started looking on Pinterest and I saw a few that I liked. That’s what led me to the planner and journaling community. I’ve been decorating some of my journaling pages. It’s been really relaxing for me. I looove it.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Filled up my cup and polished my femininity by:
Updating my journal with stickers and washi tape for an hour.
Made a caramel latte topped with whipped cream and cinnamon. (Used my femininity mug)
Slept in late and lied in the bed.
Did my morning routine to try to clear my skin.
Took myself on a one mile walk in the park.
Wrote two short poems (creating energy)
Smiled all day and wore a dress with lipgloss.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I realized recently that one of the things I need to work on is disengaging and not prolonging discussions and arguments with DH especially.
I also have a tendency to offer help when he doesn't ask for it or need it.

I need to work on disengaging as well. I think my problem was that my last guy i was talking to was intentionalllg provoking me, but I still feel like I could do better at not being bothered and not engaging.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Week 4 Affirmations
Topic: Block History Month ​

1. I give myself permission to do what is right for me.
2. My high self-esteem enables me to respect others, and get respect in return.
3. I love myself enough to shield myself from those that do not bring me peace.
4. I am surrounded by OVERWHELMING love.
   
5. My personal, professional, and romantic relationships make me feel good, just the way I desire.

 

[sunnydaze]

• People who are WOKE
• People who continuously post Black Lives Matter, R. Kelly fiascos, and other politically charged stuff.

Loved the whole post. The bolded especially stood out for me b/c it is rarely considered. Alot of political and "woke" commentary either puts bw in "call to action" (masculine) type roles OR roles where we are to consider bm needs above our own (mother/mammy), neither of which should be a focus for a feminine, self caring focused woman.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Loved the whole post. The bolded especially stood out for me b/c it is rarely considered. Alot of political and "woke" commentary either puts bw in "call to action" (masculine) type roles OR roles where we are to consider bm needs above our own (mother/mammy), neither of which should be a focus for a feminine, self caring focused woman.

And a lot of times they EXPECT the women to be at the forefront while the men are just "chilling". Black Lives Matter comes to mind. They often expected the women to lead parades and campaigns, and in the images thats what I often saw....but where were the men? Not I. I choose peace today.

 

[Maracujá]

Loving this week's challenge! Have probably mentioned this before, but every Wednesday: I abstain from FB, Twitter and Instagram. Does me so good.

I barely ever go back and forth with someone else on social media. Did so most recently, concerning the subject of singleness and being OK with it, it ended on a good note, but still...I could've lived without it. As far as being WOKE, I prefer the LHCF version of being WOKE, which is yielding great results for me on the workplace. I want the kind of being WOKE that brings about real change for Black people. Not just verbalizing hatred all the time.

 

[snoop]

Last weekend I went on a Mommy/Son date with my biggest, little guy. We went out for lunch and it was great! He felt so special, I could see it in his eyes! It was too cold to get really dolled up, but I threw on some make up and jewelry and told him that I did it just for him.

I had him open the door for me at the restaurant, which was cute. The restaurant was fairly empty (we were in the middle of cold spell so the roads were bad and no one was out). We watched the soccer game while waiting for our food and I only used the phone once to take a picture of the two of us. I was able to just concentrate and be with him. We shared a dessert and I could cuddle with him and let him know that I thought he was special.

For the rest of the day he was mommy's little guy and I felt very feminine to be able to be mom to only him for a short time and then most of the time after for the rest of the day after we got back home.

By the end of Sunday night, I realized that I stayed off of social media for the most part all weekend. It felt so good! I think that I'll turn that into a weekend ritual.

My next step is to spend time on my personal Instagram filling it with pretty pictures and becoming inspired to be carefree -- travel, antique tea cups, English gardens, and the like.

 

[shermeezy]

This weeks challenge is very timely. Social Media is consuming too much of my time and it leaves me feeling drained.

The political and social turmoil of late has left me feeling empty and very deflated. I'm going to limit my time and not login during the evenings this week. I will focus on my family time and ensuring that we're connecting with one another.

My favorite YT fireplace jazz video helps me to be stay present. There are also some great aquarium videos. This helps me to create an environment of positivity at home.

I'm still working on organizing my spaces at home. Having an organized, beautiful space makes me feel very feminine.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I think these are some great phrases to stay in your feminine energy but create boundaries. I actually say most of these out loud, but I know for some these phrases are hard to say out loud. These would be some great phrases to say out loud in the mirror.

HTH

I’ve been using these phrases so often dealing with parents...
it makes them really angry- I never raise my voice.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I need to work on disengaging as well. I think my problem was that my last guy i was talking to was intentionalllg provoking me, but I still feel like I could do better at not being bothered and not engaging.

Yep, I unmatched from a guy who wanted to get into religious debates because we don’t share the same denomination. I found myself getting defensive and typing out long responses. I said “you know what? This is too much work for someone I’ve never even met lol.” I just unmatched him.

 

[LostInAdream]

Week 4 Challenge

1. Create an environment of positivity and encouragement. Run in the directions where you are loved. Run towards femininity, healthy relationships, fulfilling careers, and environments of positivity, faith, and hope.
   
2. Block/Unfriend/Unfollow 20 people on your timeline/friend list that don’t bring you peace.
   
3. Take a social media detox. Limit or take yourself away from social media for the entire week. Use feeling messages to note how you feel after the completion of a week detox.
   
4. Journal about with whom are you surrounding yourself? Where do you spend most of your free time? What are you doing daily? What kind of thoughts — both those from within and those from others — are you listening to daily? What are you disposing yourself to consciously and subconsciously

Hey Ladies,

This weeks challenge is something I've been practicing on and off for the past 4 years. At the moment, this is the only social media I use. I deleted my IG again in November '18. I did delete previously but enjoyed the vegan recipe pages and yoga inspiration. I just Youtube those things now. I try not to go into threads that aren't beneficial to me on here. I do slip up but not often. I rarely watch TV with the exception of living single, this is us, blackish, grownish and insecure. I can attest to limited social media helping me clear my mind of unnecessary junk.

I look forward to the journaling topic.

 

[LovingLady]

Loved the whole post. The bolded especially stood out for me b/c it is rarely considered. Alot of political and "woke" commentary either puts bw in "call to action" (masculine) type roles OR roles where we are to consider bm needs above our own (mother/mammy), neither of which should be a focus for a feminine, self caring focused woman.

I noticed this after the nail salon attack in Brooklyn. "Woke" BM were saying that BW needed to open their own nail salons to protect themselves. I was floored, it's the men who are suppose to create industries to uphold the beauty standards of the women, not the women.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I realized recently that one of the things I need to work on is disengaging and not prolonging discussions and arguments with DH especially.
I also have a tendency to offer help when he doesn't ask for it or need it.

I talk myself out of helping at least once a week. He will ask if he needs it.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

This week (and in the future) I will not read and reply to my work group messages. It's a steady stream of complaints. Every now and then sure, but all day, sometimes as early as 6am! But none of them are planning to quit.
So I'm like please, just stop. Limit your complaints or stop since you aren't leaving, accept it.
I'll journal soon.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I haven't limited myself from social media yet. I need to work on that. I am working on being more present. Yall know I don't agree whole-heartedly with Ro's teaching BUT she dropped some gems of knowledge in a free parenting class she held this weekend.

1. She touched on reading to your child every night for 10 minutes. BUT while you are reading the book, physically TOUCH the child. Either wrap your arm around them or hold them in your lap or lie in the bed with them. I've been doing this and I've noticed that my son looks FORWARD to bedtime now and I get to sneak in some kisses and hugs before bedtime.

2. She said that you need to create stuff to look forward to. You needs things your children can look forward to daily, monthly, and bi annually. For example: Daily they can look forward to reading time and eating time together as a family. Monthly, they can look forward to a small mini trip. Bi-annually they can look forward to a vacation. You talk up these activities. Ask them oooh what will we do when we get there? What will you see at the zoo? When we go to the beach what do you want to do first? Let's pack your bag together. What do you think you will need?! I've been doing the daily thing with making sure we have family dinner time. Next week we're going to have a DIY project and make homemade pizzas. Next I plan on making a trip to see @PeaceLover which will be a mini vacation for our children. It's the little things that make up a bigger picture.

3. She touched on every time you let your child leave from you FILL THEM UP WITH LOVE. When you leave them at school do a special handshake, do a small dance, kiss and hug them, or high five them EVERY SINGLE DAY. She claimed that when she ran her school she noticed that the ones who didn't get loved in the morning weren't able to learn and didn't have self-confidence. Because of this, make sure that isn't YOUR child. Build their confidence each and every day by getting off the phone, tuning in to their needs, talking to them in the morning, and MAKING it special.

I felt really feminine while doing all of this. I felt very empowered in a special way. I felt like all was right in the world

 

[PrissiSippi]

I had to catch myself being overly helpful this week. I will offer to help others (ESPECIALLY men) when they didn't ask him AND when I haven't helped myself first. I still offered my help, but I had to take a break, think about it, and make sure I helped MYSELF out first and was nice to myself FIRST and then I helped my friend.

The divine feminine energy is associated with creative energy. I'm trying to shift my attention to being creative each and every day. I think today I will go home and make a cake today. I'll tell you all how it comes out