Not apart of this challenge but I do read the posts from time to time and find them so helpful so I wanted to offer something in return.
I’ve been meditating on femininity lately, more specifically what my particular “brand” looks like. I’d been watching some Youtubers and the delivery of some of these women seem more towards shaming you for not being a certain way vs giving you any real actionable tools to tap into that energy. When I realized these videos were giving me anxiety (and I am not an anxious person), I stopped watching majority of them.
In learning to “chew the meat and spit out the bones” (ie: what is my unique brand of femininity and how can encourage it to grow?) I’ve come to the realization that some of these techniques and suggestions do not feel authentic to me and I believe being feminine is about being comfortable in your genuine self. I think there are some universal principles we can apply (leaning back, looking and smelling good, etc) and also things about our unique selves that we can play up.
In my case, I have a very peaceful spirit. I am very calm. People comment on how laidback I am all the time. Yesterday I was feeling so tired when I decided to just
slow down. I walked slower, was slower to speak, typed slower, everything.
I went to the store after work and caught so many people looking at me, watching me, smiling at me. I could literally feel the goodness radiating from me.
I have short hair and have worn it this way for nearly eight years now. I get compliments on it all the time but I was almost made to feel self-conscious about it when a particular Youtuber said that men aren’t intimidated by women with short hair, they’re disgusted by them. What a strong, nasty thing to say. Nothing anyone on the internet says could ever make me love myself less and my short hair is a feature I’m not willing to give up. It works for me in a number of different ways. Instead of focusing on not having longer hair or trying to get longer hair, I’ve given more care to selecting beautiful earrings that play up this feature.
I also have nice hands and long fingernails. When I handle objects I treat them delicately, deliberately and with reverence. I calmly do one thing at a time. I also talk with my hands in flourishing motions, touch my chest or face when I exclaim, touch people very briefly. One of my love languages is touch so whenever I hug someone, I linger just a bit, give a quick squeeze and if it’s a man I’ll make a sound.
I’m also flat chested.
But if you don’t have cleavage you have clavicle and I have a beautiful back and shoulders so I highlight those whenever I can.
I've been working on my speaking voice and walk as well. And all my insecurities I've decided point blank to just stop paying attention to. People almost never see the flaws that we think are so obvious so why waste precious time and energy ruminating over them?
Kind of a long post but it was on my heart and I wanted to share it with you ladies. Be vigilant about how your psyche is taking in the information we think will help us to level up. Sometimes a little tough love is necessary but I prefer a more heart-centered, gentle approach to things. I thought I was educating/motivating myself but it was doing the opposite for me when what I really needed to do was look inward. There are lots of things I will continue to improve but doing it from a perspective of self-celebration vs "do this or else" makes the process so much more enjoyable.