2019 52 Weeks To Being Divinely Feminine Thread

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This week I’ve been learning how to be more vulnerable and get what I want. So far I got $150 to buy new lingerie, two dates, and a new ninja :2inlove: . I wasn’t getting ANY gifts before so I’m really standing on what I want and working on getting it.

I can’t wait to make pina coladas all Summer long!
 
So I was invited to a baby shower. It's for a close friend of mine that is having twins. No problem.

BUT she first got all her friends and put us in a group chat. She wants a LAVISH baby shower coupled with a decorator so she asked all of us to contribute. She saw that people were kinda hesitant so she lowered the price, but each of us ended up paying $20 a piece for a decorator. THEN she told us she wants us to wear shirts (15 people is not needed to host a baby shower). The shirts cost $18 a piece. So now we;re up to $40 and we haven't even bought the gift up. Then she got her best friend to send out a menu that she wanted for the shower. Everyone had to pick something off of the list. (This is another $20+).

I don't think she actually ordered a decorator. I think they took the money and now are going to try to throw the shower with our money and "say" a decorator backed out. Who knows. BUT I stuck to my boundaries in a feminine manner. I told them I was unable to contribute financially and I preferred to decline on the shirt so I could buy a nice gift. I didn't sign up for food. And I instead got her a nice gift basket of diapers and wipes and clothes and made her a diaper cake that went with the theme.

I feel so empowered because last year I wouldn't be able to do this. AND when I had DS, this girl showed up with a dollar tree diaper wreath. I asked her could she bring a $10 fruit tray to the baby shower and instead she brought some $2 crackers and told me I figured you didn't need the fruit tray. Someone else was gonna probably bring that. :angry2: Gone are the days when I go ALL OUT for people that don't go all out for me. Lean Back is in full effect and for all areas for my life.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So I was invited to a baby shower. It's for a close friend of mine that is having twins. No problem.

BUT she first got all her friends and put us in a group chat. She wants a LAVISH baby shower coupled with a decorator so she asked all of us to contribute. She saw that people were kinda hesitant so she lowered the price, but each of us ended up paying $20 a piece for a decorator. THEN she told us she wants us to wear shirts (15 people is not needed to host a baby shower). The shirts cost $18 a piece. So now we;re up to $40 and we haven't even bought the gift up. Then she got her best friend to send out a menu that she wanted for the shower. Everyone had to pick something off of the list. (This is another $20+).

I don't think she actually ordered a decorator. I think they took the money and now are going to try to throw the shower with our money and "say" a decorator backed out. Who knows. BUT I stuck to my boundaries in a feminine manner. I told them I was unable to contribute financially and I preferred to decline on the shirt so I could buy a nice gift. I didn't sign up for food. And I instead got her a nice gift basket of diapers and wipes and clothes and made her a diaper cake that went with the theme.

I feel so empowered because last year I wouldn't be able to do this. AND when I had DS, this girl showed up with a dollar tree diaper wreath. I asked her could she bring a $10 fruit tray to the baby shower and instead she brought some $2 crackers and told me I figured you didn't need the fruit tray. Someone else was gonna probably bring that. :angry2: Gone are the days when I go ALL OUT for people that don't go all out for me. Lean Back is in full effect and for all areas for my life.
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Baby showers have gotten to be something else. Just show up and be appreciative of what people have done for you. All of this mama dictating how it’s gonna be is ridiculous. You did well and don’t do nan other thing for her, cuz she’s going over the top
 
Week 24 Challenge
1. What are some of your boundaries in each area: Dating, Professional, Family, Time, Emotional, Sexual, Physical
2. How can you enforce each boundary?
3. What is your biggest challenge in presenting your boundaries in a feminine way?
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* Dating: give me space and respect me (I can only reinforce this one, by respecting myself first. Which is hard because I'm harst on myself due to past behavior).

* Professional: I do not discuss my private life, certainly not this early in the game ( I keep it mute and cute).

* Family: we don't constantly borrow money from each other (this one was working up until now, we're starting to come to the conclusion that every once in a while, we do need each other. No astronomical amounts though).

* Time: was reading up on INTJs and yeah, we need our time alone. Luckily, as a singlista, it's not really hard to carve this out. Can't even imagine what it would be like in a relationship :look:.

* Emotional: people stamp all over my feelings all the time, this is my Achilles heel.

* Sexual: had boundaries with my then boyfriend, he respected them for the most part. But he was a jerk overall, so after he used me, he still called me names.

* Physical: I hate being touched. People usually get the cue very quickly.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This week I’ve been learning how to be more vulnerable and get what I want. So far I got $150 to buy new lingerie, two dates, and a new ninja :2inlove: . I wasn’t getting ANY gifts before so I’m really standing on what I want and working on getting it.

I can’t wait to make pina coladas all Summer long!
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I like how you throw him in there with your list of things you are "collecting" :giggle:
Something about that says "I'm in control of what, where, when and how much."
 
Week 24 Challenge
1. What are some of your boundaries in each area: Dating, Professional, Family, Time, Emotional, Sexual, Physical.

In all these areas, I make a conscious decision not to do or allow anything I'm not comfortable with.

2. How can you enforce each boundary?

I speak up and let it be known what I do or don't want. I have even had situations in the past when I agreed to something, thought about it and realized I didn't really want to. I then called the person or text them to let them know I changed my mind.

3. What is your biggest challenge in presenting your boundaries in a feminine way?

I'm mostly good with boundaries. But once in a while I worry about hurting the other person's feelings or disappointing them. That can sometimes cause me to relax a boundary.
Another issue I have is I sometimes still blow up when I feel a boundary has been crossed. I'm still working on taking deep breaths and speaking in a calm, controlled manner to express my disapproval.
 
Sosoothing said:
I like how you throw him in there with your list of things you are "collecting" :giggle:
Something about that says "I'm in control of what, where, when and how much."
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Now you know I like kitchen gadgets. I meant and actual ninja. A ninja prep to make pina colada’s all summer 19 :lachen:

BUT

There is a new ninja. I need to get some patience. I find myself leaning forward a bit because he is very generous and I loooove the gifts and attention. Ima make sure I Lean Back more next week
 
PrissiSippi said:
Now you know I like kitchen gadgets. I meant and actual ninja. A ninja prep to make pina colada’s all summer 19 :lachen:

BUT

There is a new ninja. I need to get some patience. I find myself leaning forward a bit because he is very generous and I loooove the gifts and attention. Ima make sure I Lean Back more next week
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Oh my gosh how funny! :lol:
The pink emojis and hearts threw me off I think.
 
Considering a new position and I’m leaning towards the one that I know will allow me to flourish in my femininity... both excite me, but I know one will be an uphill battle, the other will have challenges but not the same ones.
I feel bad for this decision, but as a black woman, I feel it’s my duty to myself to not sign up for struggles.
 
^^^I absolutely understand your point of view, because I've struggled with it many times. I know that one day it will all be well in this regard, but I've let go of the idea that it won't be a 'struggle'. It doesn't always have to be because of our skin color, the very fact that you will be thriving in your feminity, will also most likely ruffle some feathers. Speaking from experience.
 
Usually take the bus to work, but since last week, I've had to walk for the remainder of the trip. Because there are some works going on, in the street that leads to my job.

It was 24° C in my city today, so no big deal to walk for a little. As I am walking, I notice this nice middle aged gentleman looking at me. I kinda ignored him at first.

Thing is, I have short legs, so walking at a fast pace is no real option for me :lol: :look:. So he catches up with me and asks me whether I have to walk very far. Back in the days I would've snapped...it happened about 14 years ago :look:. Too much distrust of men.

In the Post-This Thread era though? I smiled and told him I didn't have to walk very far. I believe he was going to offer to take me with his u-haul type of truck. Forgot to thank him for asking though :D.

It was so 1950s masculine of him, so I digged it :D. @PrissiSippi , you're gonna have to market this thread at some point, it's pure gold ;).
 
TracyNicole said:
That sounds wonderful. Chivalry is not dead. Also, I agree that this thread is gold. I don’t post often anymore but this thread has elevated my entire life. Thank you PrissiSippi!
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I've been really enjoying my entire summer. I've been taking time to take DS to a "field trip" every week, I got him enrolled into gymnastics class (and got DH to pay for it so it was FREE), me and ex-husband have been going on weekly family dates, I've been cooking more, I sold a lot of baby clothes to get a little extra money and used that money to spend time with my LS on the weekend for free.

Just in this short amount of time I've been swimming, oyster tasting, ate out at the reservoir, went wine tasting, started back on my studies, started homeschooling DS better, and more so yall just know the femininity journey is DEFINITELY a journey that has twists and turns but NEVER ends. Now if only I could get my house completely clean I'd be in the game HAHAHA. I'm glad that you all have enjoyed this challenge so far!
 
JFemme said:
I'm not an official member of this group/challenge - yet I love ❤️ the energy here

It's helps me stay mindful and softens my edge out in the world. And I feel calmer more at peace not fighting battles that are not my own.
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I'm really feeling like I'm getting softer. I had a set back earlier this week and I was getting kind of annoyed from dating, but I took a step back, thought about it, and really calmed down. I have never felt as at peace as I do these days. It's all a mental battle, but that's sometimes the hardest battle to fight!
 
Brwnbeauti said:
Considering a new position and I’m leaning towards the one that I know will allow me to flourish in my femininity... both excite me, but I know one will be an uphill battle, the other will have challenges but not the same ones.
I feel bad for this decision, but as a black woman, I feel it’s my duty to myself to not sign up for struggles.
Click to expand...
I keep looking around and looking back at my teaching profession. It's like struggle city. Just this summer someone asked me could I help out with summer school. Well it's from 7:30 to 12 so it's really no biggie. I probably wouldn't wake up until 9:30 these days because I'm just spoiled lol. Anyway the problem is DS. I would have to wake him up at 5:30 and be out hte house by 6:45 to make it to the school at 7:30. I asked my mother could she keep him some nights so he wouldn't have to wake up soooo early. DS likes to wake up around 8 and go to school by 9.

She told me that she was a real teacher. She woke up at dawn and did hair and took me to school and got my brother on the bus. She had the best classroom. She stayed late until 7pm every school day and she was a top notch teacher. She was basically telling me that she struggled so I could struggle to and get up early. Why do I feel like I have to have it easy all the time. It's so bizare to me to hold on to struggle like it's a badge.

I'm soooo glad I made the switch to be a stay at home mother. Even when I pop in and do odd and ends jobs teaching, I don't feel like I have to prove myself anymore. I can simply JUST BE. I don't have to prove I'm a great teacher. I just am. I don't have to be there super early and leave super late. I don't have to put my son last in life anymore. I can just be a mother, and be proud of that. I'm soooo grateful for the journey that lead me to finding obbies, going outside more, cooking, traveling more, and just having fun. I LOVE IT.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I keep looking around and looking back at my teaching profession. It's like struggle city. Just this summer someone asked me could I help out with summer school. Well it's from 7:30 to 12 so it's really no biggie. I probably wouldn't wake up until 9:30 these days because I'm just spoiled lol. Anyway the problem is DS. I would have to wake him up at 5:30 and be out hte house by 6:45 to make it to the school at 7:30. I asked my mother could she keep him some nights so he wouldn't have to wake up soooo early. DS likes to wake up around 8 and go to school by 9.

She told me that she was a real teacher. She woke up at dawn and did hair and took me to school and got my brother on the bus. She had the best classroom. She stayed late until 7pm every school day and she was a top notch teacher. She was basically telling me that she struggled so I could struggle to and get up early. Why do I feel like I have to have it easy all the time. It's so bizare to me to hold on to struggle like it's a badge.

I'm soooo glad I made the switch to be a stay at home mother. Even when I pop in and do odd and ends jobs teaching, I don't feel like I have to prove myself anymore. I can simply JUST BE. I don't have to prove I'm a great teacher. I just am. I don't have to be there super early and leave super late. I don't have to put my son last in life anymore. I can just be a mother, and be proud of that. I'm soooo grateful for the journey that lead me to finding obbies, going outside more, cooking, traveling more, and just having fun. I LOVE IT.
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Yessss!
The more I thought about my options, the sillier I felt. If I have to work, I want an easy job.
Now if this lady would just hurry up and call me with a formal offer so I could move on!!
 
This is old but just for anyone that needs a refresher on Father’s Day and gift giving.

Father’s Day is coming up.
Think back. What did you receive on Mother’s Day?
For Father’s Day don’t act UP act accordingly. Whatever amount he spent on you, spend less.

Buying Gifts

1️⃣ Men are result oriented . Women focus on the experience. Your gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It has to be THOUGHTFUL.
2️⃣ Lean back energetically. ONLY give him a gift AFTER he gives you one. Keep your gift in your purse (that’s why the gift needs to be small). AFTER he gives you your gift, you pull out your gift. He he doesn’t give you a gift you return it or give it to a family member. You don’t give it to him anyway just because you already bought it.
3️⃣ Don’t buy gifts OFTEN. Make it a very rare occasion. Birthday, Christmas, Father’s Day, anniversary #ThatsIt
4️⃣ Do not buy men gifts that YOU like. This includes a male pedicure or a bouquet of flowers. Focus on creating an experience and getting things that are masculine that he would like.
5️⃣ Feminine nature is to be accepting and receiving. Masculine nature is to be giving. Do not attempt to out-gift him. Don't try to outdo him (even if you make more money.) Don't try to match his gift. Your gift should be THOUGHTFUL and really cater to his personality and wants/needs. It should also cost less than what he has given you. Keep in mind that he wants to know that HE MADE YOU HAPPY. He made his girl happy. It's not really based on what he can get from you. His focus is on YOU. Let him do that.
6️⃣ If he didn't buy you a birthday present you don't buy him a birthday present to make him feel guilty about not getting you anything or PROVING that you're better than him. You mirror his actions. You don't get him a gift. Use that money and focus on YOU.
7️⃣ Be Vulnerable. When you receive your gift from your honey bunches of oats, remember to be feminine. Be very receiving and show appreciation. Example: Oh honey you always make me feel special when you get me thoughtful little things. Thank you.
8️⃣ Don't say things such as you shouldn't have gotten this, or this was too expensive, or I cannot accept this. Practice being very receiving and grateful.
9️⃣ If he is used to you spending a lot and you’re starting over and he says something about he thought you would have bought him something more expensive look confused. “You don’t like my gift? I put a lot of thought into it honey. I thought you would really like it. ”.
However much his gift is that he bought you costs, make sure you buy a gift that is less than that. If he spent $50 on you, spend 30 on him.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This is old but just for anyone that needs a refresher on Father’s Day and gift giving.

Father’s Day is coming up.
Think back. What did you receive on Mother’s Day?
For Father’s Day don’t act UP act accordingly. Whatever amount he spent on you, spend less.

Buying Gifts

1️⃣ Men are result oriented . Women focus on the experience. Your gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It has to be THOUGHTFUL.
2️⃣ Lean back energetically. ONLY give him a gift AFTER he gives you one. Keep your gift in your purse (that’s why the gift needs to be small). AFTER he gives you your gift, you pull out your gift. He he doesn’t give you a gift you return it or give it to a family member. You don’t give it to him anyway just because you already bought it.
3️⃣ Don’t buy gifts OFTEN. Make it a very rare occasion. Birthday, Christmas, Father’s Day, anniversary #ThatsIt
4️⃣ Do not buy men gifts that YOU like. This includes a male pedicure or a bouquet of flowers. Focus on creating an experience and getting things that are masculine that he would like.
5️⃣ Feminine nature is to be accepting and receiving. Masculine nature is to be giving. Do not attempt to out-gift him. Don't try to outdo him (even if you make more money.) Don't try to match his gift. Your gift should be THOUGHTFUL and really cater to his personality and wants/needs. It should also cost less than what he has given you. Keep in mind that he wants to know that HE MADE YOU HAPPY. He made his girl happy. It's not really based on what he can get from you. His focus is on YOU. Let him do that.
6️⃣ If he didn't buy you a birthday present you don't buy him a birthday present to make him feel guilty about not getting you anything or PROVING that you're better than him. You mirror his actions. You don't get him a gift. Use that money and focus on YOU.
7️⃣ Be Vulnerable. When you receive your gift from your honey bunches of oats, remember to be feminine. Be very receiving and show appreciation. Example: Oh honey you always make me feel special when you get me thoughtful little things. Thank you.
8️⃣ Don't say things such as you shouldn't have gotten this, or this was too expensive, or I cannot accept this. Practice being very receiving and grateful.
9️⃣ If he is used to you spending a lot and you’re starting over and he says something about he thought you would have bought him something more expensive look confused. “You don’t like my gift? I put a lot of thought into it honey. I thought you would really like it. ”.
However much his gift is that he bought you costs, make sure you buy a gift that is less than that. If he spent $50 on you, spend 30 on him.
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Y’all so ex-husband bought me a $10 candle for Mother’s Day. Back in the gap i would try to UP hid gift to “inspire” him to get me more. It would NEVER work and I would be left feeling sad because I would get bs for my birthday or Christmas. Not this father's Day. I bought him a $7 bowling ball cleaner. I gave it to him and he looked surprised because usually when he break crumbs me I would go OUT and get him something big. Not this time. He couldn’t say anything because if he did I would have hit him with that

“Oh honey. You don’t like my gift?!” *puppy eyes*

Anyway so he texted me today. He LOVED my gift. It was thoughtful. It was loving. It was wrapped up nicely and feminine and I didn’t overgive.

It’s crazy how when I pulled back and gave LESS I get MORE.
 



Recap
January
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner/Buy a Planner
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Polish Yourself to become Pretty n Poised
Week 4: Block History Month
February
Week 5: Self Preservation isn't a Luxury; It's Essential
Week 6: What's in a Voice?
Week 7: Level Up Your Look
Week 8: Turning Routines into Rituals
Week 9: Manage Your Leisure Time
March
Week 10: Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike
Week 11: Let's Get Some Sunshine
Week 11.5: Stop Over-functioning
Week 12: Looking with Fresh Eyes
Week 13: Communicating in Love
Week 13.5: Becoming a High Value Woman

April- Feminine Refinement
Week 14: Take the Help
Week 14.5: You are ENOUGH
Week 15: Feminine Mystique (Last Year's Post)
Week 15.5: Release unavailable men, unfilled loved, family trauma, and struggle love
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Week 16.5: Become Fierce, Feminine, and FUN by Building Your Brand
Week 17: Navigating Intimacy Fears
Week 18: Transforming Limiting Beliefs

May- Home Living
Week 19: Beautify Your Environment: Buy Fresh Flowers
Week 20: Home Aromas
Week 21: How Clean is Your Home
Week 22: Set the Tone in Your Home



June- Inner Work
Week 23: Become Emotionally Unreactive
Week 24: Boundaries
Week 25: Limiting Beliefs
Limiting Beliefs: It’s not true sis! Flip It.

A limiting belief is a belief you have (a thought you've repeated over and over and accept as fact) that you think makes it impossible for you to get what you want. They are usually deeply ingrained from childhood or from past experiences.

In order to heal a limiting belief you have to replace it with a different thought. In order to heal a trigger, you have to experience it, recognize you're being triggered, accept/love this irrational feeling that's coming up, investigate if it's true, and if it's not, choose to do something different (even if it's scary).

Limiting Beliefs: affirmation, meditation, reframe your limiting beliefs. Flip Tool is when you FLIP these beliefs and transform them to something powerful and positive like an affirmation. Examples:

Im not high value because I live at home with my parents → Living at home with my parents gives me the perfect opportunity to stack my money and save for the life and place I really want!

All men are bad. → Most black men are good.

Love doesn’t last forever. → Anything worthwhile in life requires a degree of risk.

Men don’t like my personality. → There is an abundance of men like that who really want to LOVE me, just for being you.

I’m not worthy of love → I am worthy of my heart’s desires.

I’m not good enough → I am worthy. I always have been. I always will be. I am perfect just as I am.

I fear that I won’t ever find a romantic partner → There is someone out there that likes me for me and would love to date me.

Men want to waste my time → “The right man for me will stay”.

No good man will want me. → There is an abundance of good single men out there willing to give me the commitment I desire.

I can’t get out of debt → There is an abundance of wealth out there just waiting for me to take it on.

My disability is a curse → My disability is an opportunity for me to do something that no one has ever done before.

You can’t even get a man interested in you. You loser woman. → Delight yourself in the Lord and you shall be given the desires of your heart.

You should give up on dating. Love isn’t for you. Can’t you see? → I am worthy of EVERYTHING good in life.

Who do you think you are to be treated like queen of England by men? → I am a child of the Universe, a divine spark, deserving of the highest treatment and goodies that life has to offer.

IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN PUTTING OFF.

Link massive pain to NOT doing what you want. What will happen if you don’t do what you want? What’s my life going to be like? What will it cost me?

Link pleasure to doing it.

I discovered that the root of past self-esteem issues was my fear of rejection and abandonment. This is further rooted in the belief that you aren't "good enough." I actually asked myself why I acted the way that I did with men, and I listened and a small voice said, "Because you don't think you're good enough." I was floored! Flip it! Now everyday you wake up ACT like you are good enough. If you WERE what would you do today?


Week 25 Challenge

1. What are your limiting beliefs
2. How can we flip those?
 
PrissiSippi said:
I keep looking around and looking back at my teaching profession. It's like struggle city. Just this summer someone asked me could I help out with summer school. Well it's from 7:30 to 12 so it's really no biggie. I probably wouldn't wake up until 9:30 these days because I'm just spoiled lol. Anyway the problem is DS. I would have to wake him up at 5:30 and be out hte house by 6:45 to make it to the school at 7:30. I asked my mother could she keep him some nights so he wouldn't have to wake up soooo early. DS likes to wake up around 8 and go to school by 9.

She told me that she was a real teacher. She woke up at dawn and did hair and took me to school and got my brother on the bus. She had the best classroom. She stayed late until 7pm every school day and she was a top notch teacher. She was basically telling me that she struggled so I could struggle to and get up early. Why do I feel like I have to have it easy all the time. It's so bizare to me to hold on to struggle like it's a badge.

I'm soooo glad I made the switch to be a stay at home mother. Even when I pop in and do odd and ends jobs teaching, I don't feel like I have to prove myself anymore. I can simply JUST BE. I don't have to prove I'm a great teacher. I just am. I don't have to be there super early and leave super late. I don't have to put my son last in life anymore. I can just be a mother, and be proud of that. I'm soooo grateful for the journey that lead me to finding obbies, going outside more, cooking, traveling more, and just having fun. I LOVE IT.
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I just happened to be watching a video today where she mentioned that people base their life on a points system as if their getting brownie points for either struggling, living in fear, being religious, etc, when really, its living in vain. In the end, you live life struggling and underachieving because you aren't living life for yourself or to be happy. But then we are conditioned to believe that if we struggle, we will make it.

You've really got to live life for you.
 
Finally starting to get a handle on this 'being on the receiving end' part. Ladies at my job are doing the most just so they can be promoted, whereas me and two other co-workers are just so chill about it. One of these co-workers seems to have a really great work-life balance: recently had her second child and looks very fulfilled with her life.

My other 'receiving' co-worker is in her mid-twenties and such a cool person. Today a guy asked whether she was single or not :D.

Honestly, I don't want this power position that everyone can see anymore. I want stealth wealth.
 
This thread has helped me so much. If it weren’t for you ladies, I wouldn’t be so close to my accountability partner (and e-bestie) @Saludable84
I would have tried to make my ex act right and continued to justify his weird behavior. I would have blamed myself. Instead, I set my boundaries and although I struggled internally to stay firm, I showed the outside world that I meant what I said. No regrets.
Because of this thread I put out into the Universe that I wanted a man that did not want or need my money, that understood and welcomed the feminine lifestyle I choose to live, and was financially abundant. I will continue to focus on this expectation. It’s not optional. I am dating again (I downloaded bumble again the same day I broke up with my ex) and I am staying in my feminine role. A guy I’m currently dating made a comment about the independent woman era and it sounded odd. I made one comment then changed the subject to talk about my hobbies. I wasn’t sure if it was inflammatory or not, and I wasn’t about to find out. I’m a work in progress!
 
Your relationships are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. It is a reflection of all of the baggage you try to hide. The men you attract show where you have imperfections.

The reason high value womens’ relationships thrive is because of the relationship they have created with themselves. They do the inner work and intentionally love themselves each and every day. Every relationship you are in is a reflection of the relationship with yourself. What is your reflection speaking?

Some examples to think about:
Everything is a reflection.
:rose:You attract mirroring situations. You attract people who have analogous programs to yours.
:rose:When you find yourself in relationships with neglectful men, where are you neglecting yourself?
:rose:Is he cheap and resentful about investing in you? Where are you unwilling to invest in yourself (your dreams, hobbies, time, self-love, money)?
:rose: If you often play the victim role, you will attract people who play the aggressor role.
:rose:It's a reflection of yourself because it shows you your flaws through how you feel when you get taken advantage of over and over again.
:rose: You might not attract other victims in relationships since you are the victim BUT you will attract friendships where you both are the victim to hype each other up and make this behavior okay.
:rose: A person that is an empath will attract narcissists (and not empaths like them) because narcissists believe they are more important than they are, need someone to worship them, and they want what they want.
:rose: Empaths, on the other hand, attract this behavior because they are very compassionate and helpful and they have very very poor boundaries and can't speak up for themselves.
:rose: Many of us have had poor codependent tendencies in the past (which is not feminine and comes off as people pleasing) and are now breaking free.
:rose: Take a moment to look at what you’ve attracted in the past. Soon your past choices in men will repel you. Why? Because you’ve changed the reflection.
:rose: Remember, change your mindset, and change your world. A whole new world opens us to you once you change how you think.
:rose: If you brag about how cheap you are and you buy thrift clothes all the time, you’re going to attract a man that’s cheap with you. Why would a man buy you expensive clothing and shoes? You were doing just fine and looked nice with the cheap clothes. Keep doing it.
:rose: If you don’t care about your health and you work when dead tired or sick why would he think about your health? You’re not doing it for yourself!
:rose: Are many of your friends critical? Where are you critical in your life?
:rose: If you don’t set boundaries with him when he misbehaves, why should he set boundaries to treat you well.
:rose: If you don’t treat yourself like you are the prize and you do self-sabotaging things why would he treat you like the prize?
:rose: If you don’t ever buy the food you want (that rib eye steak) and instead you buy what is on sale (4 for $4), why would he take you to nice restaurants? You’re thrifty right? 2 for $20 should be fine for you. It’s worked all this time.
:rose: If you are unwilling to invest money, time, and development in yourself, why would HE invest in you?
:rose: If you have a raggedy purse and you never buy things for yourself why should I? You don’t pay attention to the small details about you. Why should I?
:rose: If you brag about how you only spend $50 for groceries a week and use coupons, then you want him to spend a lot of money on quality food. He will feel like you’re controlling him or using him for a come up. You didn’t have quality food before. Why now? You didn’t pay full price. Why should I?
:rose: If you suggest using coupons or Groupons when he dates you he will feel you don’t trust him to provide and he should always get a discount when it refers to spending time with you. He shouldn’t have to pay full price.
:rose: If you are not consistent with loving yourself, have you noticed that you attract people who are also not consistent in their love for you?
:rose: If you have a hard time forgiving yourself for the past, have you found yourself attracting people who criticize and pick apart every little thing you do?
:rose: If the men you date don’t treat you like a priority, where are you not treating yourself as a priority? Weight loss? Business wise? Leveling up wise?
:rose: If you feel others judge you, where are you judging yourself?


Keep in mind it’s okay to be thrifty. BUT this is part of your feminine mystique. Get off the phone while doing this. Don’t bring it up. Recreate your life. Present your best self to men. Take yourself to nice places. Act like you are the prize. Give yourself quality things and you will find others reciprocating the same. If you want to be in a healthy relationship you must first become healthy with the relationship you have with yourself. If we seek happiness, first we have to intentionally become happy. Then, happiness will be attracted to us. All relationships we have in our life are a mere reflections of us.
 
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kupenda said:
This thread has helped me so much. If it weren’t for you ladies, I wouldn’t be so close to my accountability partner (and e-bestie) @Saludable84
I would have tried to make my ex act right and continued to justify his weird behavior. I would have blamed myself. Instead, I set my boundaries and although I struggled internally to stay firm, I showed the outside world that I meant what I said. No regrets.
Because of this thread I put out into the Universe that I wanted a man that did not want or need my money, that understood and welcomed the feminine lifestyle I choose to live, and was financially abundant. I will continue to focus on this expectation. It’s not optional. I am dating again (I downloaded bumble again the same day I broke up with my ex) and I am staying in my feminine role. A guy I’m currently dating made a comment about the independent woman era and it sounded odd. I made one comment then changed the subject to talk about my hobbies. I wasn’t sure if it was inflammatory or not, and I wasn’t about to find out. I’m a work in progress!
Click to expand...


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I see you girl! Keep up that feminine power!! Run in the direction where you are loved.​
 
I’m still in the challenge but I’m in the dissertation writing phase so I don’t have time to log in anymore.

Hubby has been having an attitude. I don’t have time to cook anymore because I have to transcribe all my interviews and code them. Last year I would address his little attitude and how he stomps around the house. Instead I now say honey I told you I had to meet this deadline. What would you like for me to do? I’m doing all that I can.

Little does he know, as soon as he leaves to go to work the problem is over in my head. I’m keeping all of the focus on me until I finish this degree. NOTHING will take me out of my femininity or peace.

I’ve still managed to keep up with kickboxing as well. I felt like hubby was trying to take that away from me. He suggested I take the step kids with me to teach them the sport and get them interested in different stuff. I said Oh honey I would love to. You know I just love spending time with them but my work our time is for ME. I would rather have that time to devote to myself so I can be a better wife and mom for y’all. So far so good. Kids not with me, I’m still going to kickboxing, and I was asked to teach it so now I get to do what I love for FREE.
 
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