2019 52 Weeks To Being Divinely Feminine Thread

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Yall this lady that is really sweet to me at the store asked me to help her with my homework. I want to help her. She wants me to drive 20 minutes away to help. I don't want to drive that far. How do I word that?
 
Saludable84 said:
I’ve been avoiding arguments since the week we had to protect our peace. Tbh, it feels nice.

I don’t mean anything behind this (saying I’ve been doing it for a while) but I guess I don’t mention it because even though we get weekly goals, I’m usually either behind weeks (because it take me more than a week to cultivate the learnings of the week) and sometimes, let say for example, week 3 had a goal that I tried but it was meh at the time, then week 11 has another goal and it make me feel better. It’s then that I’ll go back to week 3 and I’ll feel better about that week. Sorry to side track, I just go with the weeks that’s resonate more to make the weeks that don’t finally hit home.

Anyway, last week, I was having a conversation with my supervisor. Luckily we are close. We were talking about something work related and I told her I understood her point, but she didn’t understand mine and that her focus was wrong (not that mine was right, but she was trying to control an outcome that, overall, she can’t). She admitted she knows her focus is wrong but continued on. My response was “ok”. She made another comment and I told her I checked out of the conversation. She laughed and said she knew. I was more concerned about my peace than being right.

The previous week in a meeting, they were working out certain logistics (internally) and my input was to focus on those we had the most control over and get a plan for them (plan b) but for plan a, lets make a proposal and only work it out if we got approval. People were trying to figure things out and I told them “it’s pointless and a waste of time”. Controlling an outcome is not protecting your peace.

I have more but I’m glad you ladies bought it up. It definitely keeps you feminine.
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Where is that clapping emoji! Yeeeeesssss
 
PrissiSippi said:
Yall this lady that is really sweet to me at the store asked me to help her with my homework. I want to help her. She wants me to drive 20 minutes away to help. I don't want to drive that far. How do I word that?
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"Help" is like a one time commitment. "Tutoring" is a schedule with several weekly sessions. Limit yourself to 1 "help" session to help her get organized and assess her weak areas. Then you can provide her with a list of things she can do on her own to succeed. Like, weekly conferences with her instructor and online resources. Don't commit too much of your time.
 



Recap
January
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner/Buy a Planner
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Polish Yourself to become Pretty n Poised
Week 4: Block History Month
February
Week 5: Self Preservation isn't a Luxury; It's Essential
Week 6: What's in a Voice?
Week 7: Level Up Your Look
Week 8: Turning Routines into Rituals
Week 9: Manage Your Leisure Time
March
Week 10: Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike
Week 11: Let's Get Some Sunshine
Week 11.5: Stop Over-functioning
Week 12: Looking with Fresh Eyes
Week 13: Communicating in Love
Week 13.5: Becoming a High Value Woman

April- Feminine Refinement
Week 14: Take the Help
Week 14.5: You are ENOUGH
Week 15: Feminine Mystique (Last Year's Post)
Week 15.5: Release unavailable men, unfilled loved, family trauma, and struggle love
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Week 16.5: Become Fierce, Feminine, and FUN by Building Your Brand
Week 17: Navigating Intimacy Fears
Week 18: Transforming Limiting Beliefs


Week 17: Navigating Intimacy Fears
​

Negative thought patterns are repetitive, unhelpful thoughts. They directly cause what we could describe as ‘negative’ (unwanted or unpleasant) emotions like anxiety, depression, stress, fear, unworthiness, shame etc. Some people use affirmation to drown them out.The problem with positive affirmations is that they operate at the surface level of conscious thinking and do nothing to contend with the subconscious mind where limiting beliefs really live. Examples of nasty voices are excuses, jealous, fear, comparison, reactionary, unforgiveness,


Identify- When you hear those nasty voices in your head, LISTEN TO THEM. Don’t hate, criticize, or blame. Seek to understand. Recognize the nasty voice for what it is, and instead of indulging in it, actively choose to indulge yourself in a better feeling thought. Trust that you are loved. Example: I am NEVER going to find a husband.They are natural. Then ask yourself some questions.

  • Is this thought even true?

  • Is this thought helpful or useful?

  • Am I willing to do what it takes?

  • When have I done this before?

  • What if [insert worse case scenario] happens?

  • How can I…?

Accept- The truth is that it's natural and healthy to experience a range of feelings, including less pleasant ones like disappointment, sadness, loneliness, or guilt. Accept this and open your awareness to the world around you again—LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Notice the birds in the trees, the sounds, the breeze. I get out of your head and into my life.

Love- Be patient with yourself and show yourself love. Focus on how you want to be. Using only a positive affirmation like "There is an abundance of healthy masculine men that love to give me love. My husband is looking for me right now." may backfire if you don’t truly, deeply believe it at both a cognitive and emotional level. Focus on the progress you’re making as well. I have gone out on 2 dates this month to closer to my husband. I look good every day so my husband can easier find me. Love yourself by focus on the progress.

Reframe- State your positive affirmation AND progress.

Release them in love- -Releasing statements, such as, "I forgive myself for doubting my future" or "It's okay for me to be lonely sometimes. " I am complete and beautiful exactly as I am. (Even if I need a little work)

LESS POWER


Week 17 Challenge
1. What are your intimacy fears?
2. How will you work on them?
 
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Been single for 13 years now and the thought that I may never find an SO/DH has been popping up in my mind on a daily basis. Also, the fact that I've always done the chasing in ALL my relationships, whether romantic or not. Today I spent the day home: didn't call anyone or anything like that. No one called me either. Spent the day 'Resurrecting' my dreams: mostly travel and wardrobe dreams. Also preparing my 34th + 35th b-days :). There's a hope for the future...come what comes.
 
Maracujá said:
Been single for 13 years now and the thought that I may never find an SO/DH has been popping up in my mind on a daily basis. Also, the fact that I've always done the chasing in ALL my relationships, whether romantic or not. Today I spent the day home: didn't call anyone or anything like that. No one called me either. Spent the day 'Resurrecting' my dreams: mostly travel and wardrobe dreams. Also preparing my 34th + 35th b-days :). There's a hope for the future...come what comes.
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It's okay and quite normal to doubt the future. The key thing is to stay in the present, keep working on becoming a better you, and FLIPPING negative beliefs so you don't stay in your head and with these thoughts for long. I've been working on flipping quite a few of my negative beliefs. Some of them are

  • I’m not worthy of love → I am worthy of my heart’s desires.

  • I’m not good enough → I am worthy. I always have been. I always will be. I am perfect just as I am.

  • I fear that I won’t ever find a romantic partner → There is someone out there that likes me for me and would love to date me.
 
Maracujá said:
Been single for 13 years now and the thought that I may never find an SO/DH has been popping up in my mind on a daily basis. Also, the fact that I've always done the chasing in ALL my relationships, whether romantic or not. Today I spent the day home: didn't call anyone or anything like that. No one called me either. Spent the day 'Resurrecting' my dreams: mostly travel and wardrobe dreams. Also preparing my 34th + 35th b-days :). There's a hope for the future...come what comes.
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You have a lot of fear. Once you work on it and push it out or reframe your fears into your wants, that person will come. You are blocking him right now. If you want him, stop blocking him. You’re definitely walking in the right direction.
 
My intimacy fears concern my energy. I feel like I just dont have that it factor. I'm scared that since I didn't create some good energy as a child, I'll never have it. I'm learning how to set boundaries and look good and be feminine....but my self confidence is still low
 
^^^^Same here. But in all honesty, it comes with time. I had 0 confidence in my professional abilities, fast forward half a decade later and I barely recognize myself, seriously. I just devoured professional books, blogs, forums and videos, it's yielding great results.

As for love matters, I grew up in a very negative environment. Despite of that, I thrived in school. The result is that I come across as very one-dimensional even though I'm not. I'm always trying to bring my book smarts to the forefront, when it's not necessary in every setting. I see other ladies at work who are able to just wind down and put their guard down, with tons of positive energy & laughter to boot...and I'm just not there yet. At least not with people I feel uncomfortable with anyway. But I believe it will come :).
 
I am so behind due to a pending move and job change.

But anyway, I have really been connecting with my divine energy and using it to redirect my thoughts. I have been really nervous about money recently, so to counteract that I do a meditation whenever those feelings and thoughts surface. I even manifested a found $5 bill today. Because I have been redirecting my energy into being receptive and knowing that I will get more than I can even imagine. It's kept me calm, and I have had so many pleasant interactions recently where people have gone out of their way to help me. The one day when I didn't focus on being receptive and knowing I would be secure, I could tell how off my interactions were.
 
PrissiSippi said:
My intimacy fears concern my energy. I feel like I just dont have that it factor. I'm scared that since I didn't create some good energy as a child, I'll never have it. I'm learning how to set boundaries and look good and be feminine....but my self confidence is still low
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I always feel like this and I understand why. Most of it stemmed from childhood. The rest from me just being an introvert. Two things that help me:
-write down what I don’t have and for every point, tell myself I already have it.
-get some extroverted friends. If you can find one on a cusp (I know) it’s better. They will help you to get out your shell, better “accept” yourself and you’ll see you had it all along.
 
Maracujá said:
^^^^Same here. But in all honesty, it comes with time. I had 0 confidence in my professional abilities, fast forward half a decade later and I barely recognize myself, seriously. I just devoured professional books, blogs, forums and videos, it's yielding great results.

As for love matters, I grew up in a very negative environment. Despite of that, I thrived in school. The result is that I come across as very one-dimensional even though I'm not. I'm always trying to bring my book smarts to the forefront, when it's not necessary in every setting. I see other ladies at work who are able to just wind down and put their guard down, with tons of positive energy & laughter to boot...and I'm just not there yet. At least not with people I feel uncomfortable with anyway. But I believe it will come :).
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I have a friend like this. A lot of it comes with trying to prove yourself even when you don’t have/mean to. So it keeps your guard up. Instead, do you think you could try not contributing to the conversation and when you do, use short sentences/statements? I say that because when we talk about being feminine with men, we listen to them and engage to let them know we are listening. Try it with regular conversations and see how it works for you.
 
Maracujá said:
^^^^Same here. But in all honesty, it comes with time. I had 0 confidence in my professional abilities, fast forward half a decade later and I barely recognize myself, seriously. I just devoured professional books, blogs, forums and videos, it's yielding great results.

As for love matters, I grew up in a very negative environment. Despite of that, I thrived in school. The result is that I come across as very one-dimensional even though I'm not. I'm always trying to bring my book smarts to the forefront, when it's not necessary in every setting. I see other ladies at work who are able to just wind down and put their guard down, with tons of positive energy & laughter to boot...and I'm just not there yet. At least not with people I feel uncomfortable with anyway. But I believe it will come :).
Click to expand...
Saludable84 said:
I always feel like this and I understand why. Most of it stemmed from childhood. The rest from me just being an introvert. Two things that help me:
-write down what I don’t have and for every point, tell myself I already have it.
-get some extroverted friends. If you can find one on a cusp (I know) it’s better. They will help you to get out your shell, better “accept” yourself and you’ll see you had it all along.
Click to expand...

I think I do need to work on not being so hard on myself. I think this is all a process and I'm trying to get to the destination instead of enjoying each day as it comes. I'm going to try to slow down and just enjoy this process. I can say my confidence is higher than a few months ago...and that is progress. Each and every day I'm making progress. Let my focus be on the PROGRESS/EXPERIENCE and not the RESULT. Thank you ladies for that.
 
This morning, a worker called in to work from the field. So, she was calling her supervisor and I just so happened to be by the phone because I was forwarding my coworkers phone. So I looked at the phone, I told myself dont answer but my gut told me to answer. When the employee speaks, I told her "you sound terrible? are you ok?" and proceeded to tell me no, she was sick, but she was out yesterday (because she was sick) she didnt have sick time and work that needed to be done. I told her that our job does not allow us to work when sick (sore throats and no voice included), she can still stay home and use her vacation time (it accumulates faster) and when shes dead, her work will still get done. I finally told her "you need to take care of yourself, but if you want me to account for you, thats fine..." She told me she can go to the doctor.

It was meant for me to take that call. If the people she works with had picked up, she'd be out here still working. A man would not have thought twice about calling out.
 
Saludable84 said:
This morning, a worker called in to work from the field. So, she was calling her supervisor and I just so happened to be by the phone because I was forwarding my coworkers phone. So I looked at the phone, I told myself dont answer but my gut told me to answer. When the employee speaks, I told her "you sound terrible? are you ok?" and proceeded to tell me no, she was sick, but she was out yesterday (because she was sick) she didnt have sick time and work that needed to be done. I told her that our job does not allow us to work when sick (sore throats and no voice included), she can still stay home and use her vacation time (it accumulates faster) and when shes dead, her work will still get done. I finally told her "you need to take care of yourself, but if you want me to account for you, thats fine..." She told me she can go to the doctor.

It was meant for me to take that call. If the people she works with had picked up, she'd be out here still working. A man would not have thought twice about calling out.
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Say that! Why kill yourself for a job that would replace you in a week if you died. NO. My boundary is to choose ME at all times.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Say that! Why kill yourself for a job that would replace you in a week if you died. NO. My boundary is to choose ME at all times.
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And the comment was made in jest, even though Im usually deadpan with my sarcasm (its very high level :look:). She kept pausing every time I convinced her it was ok to call out. It just really made me feel bad because she really sounded terrible and was debating working herself more sick just to not hear :censored: I learned very early that I am getting paid regardless. I still take mental health days.
 
Be back to answer this week questions

I wore this to work today. A jersey dress one size up from old navy and a cardigan from loft. Everyone complimented me. My principal asked where I got it because his wife would love a dress like this :) no you’d love it on your wife...
6F1A5EF4-B183-43DF-9EF2-9AAC6A1910C3.jpeg
I almost didn’t buy it because flower prints scare me, but for $10 I decided to give it a try.
 
Brwnbeauti said:
Be back to answer this week questions

I wore this to work today. A jersey dress one size up from old navy and a cardigan from loft. Everyone complimented me. My principal asked where I got it because his wife would love a dress like this :) no you’d love it on your wife...
View attachment 445995
I almost didn’t buy it because flower prints scare me, but for $10 I decided to give it a try.
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Awww you look so cute! I need to stop by into Old Navy. They ALWAYS have a sale.
 
I visualize myself to be that cute mom that takes the kids to the park often and she looks fly exercising with her tots. Well I don’t do this mainly out of fear. The baby always cuts up with me these days. These toddlers are something else. He’s always trying to express himself lol. Well today I said forget it. Tantrum or not we are walking today and getting some sun. I made it my goal to walk for 20 minutes. We made it 25 minutes. He got a little fussy when we had to head back home but I talked to him, reminded him we could go outside tomorrow and surprisingly he kept walking lol. I felt so cute with my cute workout clothes and shades. I’m so grateful today was beautiful and baby boy got some sun. It really inspired me. I managed to read a book, take a bath, get him full, brush our teeth and say prayers all before 8pm. Lol I’m super mom today.
 

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Maracujá said:
My organizational + adulting skills are being put to the test. I can no longer get by with procrastination...how do you ladies handle busy times?

@RoundEyedGirl504 How are you handling your pending move + job change?
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I have been trying to be in balance and graciously accepting all offers of help. So surprisingly it's not been too bad. I had a month to do everything so I made a plan and stuck to it. I didn't want to get all stressed out and on edge about things. And just staying centered in my divine feminine spirit has really helped. I normally go into seclusion when I have big things come up but I managed to not do that and it really helped so much in the transition.
 
I feel a HUGE shift on the inside. I think I finally understand what "strong inside/soft outside" really means--what it means to embody that. It's like nothing that anyone does can really shake you. It's making decisions from a feeling place, not a thinking place. It's letting go of people that don't serve you instead of holding on to them out of fear and out of a false sense of the familiar.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I think I do need to work on not being so hard on myself. I think this is all a process and I'm trying to get to the destination instead of enjoying each day as it comes. I'm going to try to slow down and just enjoy this process. I can say my confidence is higher than a few months ago...and that is progress. Each and every day I'm making progress. Let my focus be on the PROGRESS/EXPERIENCE and not the RESULT. Thank you ladies for that.
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This is how I feel now. I'm starting to see that I make a bit more progress every day. And I'm starting to enjoy the process and challenging myself instead of focusing on the "result." And your statement reminded me that the feminine is all abut the experience! The masculine (our own empowered masculine energy or a man we're dating) gets us there and our feminine energy just receives and relishes and enjoys.
 
I went on a date last night. I don't think he was interested in me. He was very quiet and didn't make eye contact with me AT ALL. I ordered my food and drinks, stayed about 15 minutes waiting on him to initiate conversation or even look at me....then I bounced lol. I joined the table with another girl I knew and we danced and laughed all night long. I have never had the confidence to do that before. This journey is really teaching me to stay in the present and keep the focus on ME.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I went on a date last night. I don't think he was interested in me. He was very quiet and didn't make eye contact with me AT ALL. I ordered my food and drinks, stayed about 15 minutes waiting on him to initiate conversation or even look at me....then I bounced lol. I joined the table with another girl I knew and we danced and laughed all night long. I have never had the confidence to do that before. This journey is really teaching me to stay in the present and keep the focus on ME.
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Oh WOW! Was he shocked when you left??
 
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