2019 52 Weeks To Being Divinely Feminine Thread

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Yes to this entire post!

Looking good isn’t just for yourself, it’s for your partner and others. Let me qualify this - they need to see you still turn heads and can quickly get another if they get out of pocket. The hustlers say, “Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.” I’m glad you included that quote. So keep yourself up and don’t let yourself go. I know childbirth can wreak havoc on a woman’s body, but you can get your hair and nails done, learn how to apply makeup, workout, eat clean,
do things for YOURSELF and please learn how to dress! Read some magazines and look at stylish people in person.

Know the divorce laws in your state. Talk to a trusted relative and begin to keep a stash at their home, preferably in a fireproof safe. Men do NOT play fair and as someone mentioned on this site, are strategically selfish. They also like to hide their money, knowing that some can’t or won’t be able to hire and good forensic accountant and keep you in court until you get tired of fighting. NOPE! I wouldn’t suggest having more kids than I couldn’t afford to keep on my own AND live well. IN this country, finances are the #1 cause of divorce. So you need to make sure you are straight via multiple streams of income.

I think a lot of black people are very direct, but it pays to be mysterious. Call it manipulative, sneaky, Jezebel-like, IDK. But we present our best selves when we first begin to date someone and during job interviews.

Again, men don’t play fair. Please remember that.


PrissiSippi said:



Recap
January
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner/Buy a Planner
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Polish Yourself to become Pretty n Poised
Week 4: Block History Month
February
Week 5: Self Preservation isn't a Luxury; It's Essential
Week 6: What's in a Voice?
Week 7: Level Up Your Look
Week 8: Turning Routines into Rituals
Week 9: Manage Your Leisure Time
March
Week 10: Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike
Week 11: Let's Get Some Sunshine
Week 11.5: Stop Over-functioning
Week 12: Looking with Fresh Eyes
Week 13: Communicating in Love
Week 13.5: Becoming a High Value Woman

April- Feminine Refinement
Week 14: Take the Help
Week 14.5: You are ENOUGH
Week 15: Feminine Mystique (Last Year's Post)
Week 15.5: Release unavailable men, unfilled loved, family trauma, and struggle love
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Week 16.5: Become Fierce, Feminine, and FUN by Building Your Brand
Week 17: Navigating Intimacy Fears
Week 18: Transforming Limiting Beliefs


Week 15: Feminine Mystique PART TWO

NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS MANY ASPECTS OF MARRIAGE THAT PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT. IT ALSO INVOLVES PROTECTING YOU WHICH MAY INVOLVE DECEPTION OR KNOWING HOW TO PLAY YOUR CARDS SO YOU ALWAYS ARE OKAY. IF THIS IS NOT MORAL TO YOU OR MAKES YOU UNEASY PLEASE REFER TO LAST YEAR'S FEMININE MYSTIQUE POST. IT CAN BE FOUND HERE.
​
The flip side that folks rarely talk about
If you marry an alpha male:
  • He probably works a demanding job, which means he isn't home as often as you'd like...meaning you'll carry the weight of the child-raising and won't have as much time for yourself.​
  • He likely has a dominant/alpha male personality and if he isn't refined, it may come across as controlling. (learn how to recognize this so you can nip it in the bud ASAP)​
  • If you aren't confident and fully assured of your value and what you bring to the table, guilt/resentment and a whole host of other issues can creep in​
  • One person carrying all the finances can have its stressful moments and it can be draining in so many ways. This means you NEED to look for other ways to keep the spark in your relationship and STAY ready so you don't have to get ready.​
  • You still need to be able to articulate your worth and perhaps even attach a dollar value to it because most men with this mindset view everything in a "dollar & cents" type of way and if it dont make dollars it dont make sense to them.​
You need feminine mystique.
​
Feminine Mystique on Stroking His Ego/Getting Things Done for You:
Men will say little things such as, “Oh you paid for your nails before me. How were you getting it done then?”. Your reply should be something like, "Oh my daddy did it before. But since I have a man now, they depend on YOU to do it since you’re the man." He doesn’t need to know you were paying for it or another man was paying for it. This is your feminine allure and mystique. He is more apt to take care of you when he believes you have ALWAYS been taken care of.

Him: I thought about what you did boo. You don’t listen to me. You: baby I always listen to you. Boo you remember when you told me not to drive fast. I stopped. Boo I thought about what you said about xyz, and I felt inspired to... You may have to lie at times. You probably still drive fast. Maybe he didn't inspire you and your friends actually pushed you....stroke his ego within reason. Let him THINK you respect him if it means it will give you MORE.

Him: For you to not have much money, you have money to get your hair done.
You: Oh this hair is old and my best friend installed it for free. You know I don't have any money.

Let's say yall are breaking up. You are making the choice to move out or at least you want HIM to think that you want to break up. Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you. Keep your intentions HIDDEN.
You CANNOT be afraid to lose him. YOU ARE THE PRIZE.

When you’re dating or in a relationship don’t ever say stuff like Oh...you spend $150 a week in groceries? I could do it for $100 a week. (He will often give you LESS than what you asked for. Instead get his $150 a week and pocket the extra or buy extra groceries.)

Don't ever say things such as, "Oh I’m not a girl that needs to be taken out." "Oh I don’t ever need my nails done like those others girls." Even if it’s true. This is your feminine mystique. That’s you auditioning for a role, plus it hurts you when you try to do tricks like above. Remember you ALWAYS get less than what you bargained for. Keep the bar HIGH.

Feminine Mystique As It Relates to 50/50
When men say they want to go 50/50 that means on the bills. It does NOT mean on the cleaning, childcare responsibilities, cooking, and etc. Because of this, the girl ends up with the short end of the stick because she ends up paying half of the bills AND doing most of the cleaning, childcare, and cooking. Don't be fooled. HOWEVER feminine mystique will help. You have to have the mindset that: If he won’t balance the workload I will.

Example 1: Him: Boo I need you to pay half of the electricity bill. You: Oh I ain’t got it. I would if I could. (
Example 2: Do what you have to do to get it done. I have a friend that got on Adderall to get through her nursing program. Do YOU but be smart about it. KEEP IT PRIVATE. Just keep your goal as your focus and ACCOMPLISH THAT ISH...PRIVATELY

Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Getting Money
Example 1: My cousin’s husband gives her no money and she was wearing old clothes so I'm like go to Kroger and buy a $100 Nordstrom card every month so you can buy yourself something. (Keep your end goal as your focus and accomplish it privately.)
Example 2: Every time you go to the store and use the card, get cash back, even if you start out small like $20-25. Just get it and put it in your own account.”
Example 3: Let’s say you go to the grocery store. Ask for His card casually and say, "Hey boo; I need to buy some groceries for us at the store. Let me see your card. The first few times do what you’re supposed to do and spend a low amount. However, over time increase that amount. Either ask for cash back or buy a gift card to a store you like. This is the way you have money (from him) to get your nails done, dermatologist, new clothes, makeup, or even to save as “forget you money” in your feminine mystique account.
Example 4: When you ask for money, ask for MORE than what you need. If you need to get your car fixed for example and it costs $200, ask for $300. This way if they only give you half ($150) you still have most of the money. If he gives you the full amount....pocket the extra in your savings.
Example 5: Don't tell him the total amount of money you make. Downplay it. Say these days are slow. LIE.

Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Leaving Him​
Example 1: Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on domestic abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you.
Example 2: Tell him that you will be moving out of state for a job. Put flight details out on the table. Make him chase you. Make him afraid to LOSE YOU.

Feminine Mystique as it Relates to KEEPING THE FOCUS ON YOU
I have a friend that looks so frumpy. She stays up all night with the baby so she has horrible crow's feet. Her husband said they didn't have money for things and needed to scale back so she scimps and dimes on keeping herself. She dyes her hair herself. She goes to Supercut to get her hair cut and then does the rest herself. She doesn't get her nails done. She only wears cheap perfume. Good perfume is only for special days because it's too expensive. She only wears drugstore makeup. BUT you have to look at the bigger picture. HE is still doing what he wants. He goes to a fancy gym. He got a promotion at work but she's not seeing any extra money. He always has on nice clothes. HIS cologne costs $200 a bottle. When they say WE can't afford that...MANY TIMES IT MEANS YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT. If he ever leaves her, he will leave with a girl that is youthful and keeps up her appearance. This will be a girl that doesn't have all this BAGGAGE like my friend has...because of HIM.

Don't get married and deny yourself anything and start making sacrifices in how you look, what you buy, etc. Continue to maintain whatever beauty services or shopping habits you used to do for yourself because when men "say we need to watch our spending or we can't afford that", they mean YOU can't afford it, because I have never seen a man deny themselves anything, literally never ever. They will still get their workouts in, still get in time with their boys, buy Jordan's, still find money for X widget that they claim to need. Be vague! Oh this old thing? I had it in the back of the closet. Oh this hair? I got my friend to put it in for free? I reused my hair. Oh this makeup? I been had it. Deflect and lie as needed but protect your marketability above all costs. Don't let yourself get fat, frumpy, old looking, and BORING. KEEP the focus on you so you STAY ready and never have to get ready.

Feminine Mystique on Saving for a Rainy Day
-"My mom had a company. A company bought her out and she stayed as a consultant. As we were working through my mother's estate my dad said he had no idea that she sold it for this amount. She literally told him 1/4 of the amount. He's just now finding out." Keep your business and yoru business taxes separate. Even if you husband is a great dude. Keep money for yourself and MAKE SURE you are financially secure. It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with not trusting your husband or the quality of your marriage. It deals with always having a financial plan in case something happens.
-Keep some of your tax refunds and place it it your savings. YOU NEVER know when you might need to get away, get a hotel room for a few days, or just up and making a few money moves. Keep this money PRIVATELY but always protect yourself so you ALWAYS have a way out.

-"When I had the baby my husband asked me how much was the hospital bill. I told him around $3000 because of anesthesia and etc. I had already budgeted and put aside money for this pregnancy. However when he gave me the $3000 I saved it anyway. "

Feminine Mystique on Saving for your Personality
  • You should be kinda like an onion. He shouldn't know everything about you. One day just go to a French restaurant and order and speak in french to the waiter.
  • Let something break and then let him find out you actually know how to sew.
  • Don't TELL him everything about you (it comes off as you auditioning for a role). Let it happen organically.

Week 15 Challenge
1. Be a mystery. How could you develop this mysterious appearance?
2. Continue to go to the new things, read new books, and eat new things. Keep the focus on YOU.
3. Is there a way that you could be more mysterious for your DH or significant other? Use your robe, slowly take off your clothes and don't rush, tease him.
4. The best way to be mysterious is honestly be so self-absorbed into you. Embrace your uniqueness. Do your hobbies, your dreams, your goals, stay in your lane, and keep your lifestyle public but your life private. What does this mean in your life?
​
Click to expand...
 
One of my favorite pass times is to study womanhood in other cultures. Today my Greek co-worker showed up looking kinda like this:

vickie-1-1333x2000-400x600-0.jpg
​
Her whole look is vintage and we've had interesting fashion convos. She did it in a far more tasteful way and looked on point! Her body type is just like this lady right here, but I think that they share the same mentality as Cuban women: body size doesn't matter.

I showed up all gussied up too, but it felt good and feminine to defer the shine to her instead of myself. Got plenty of compliments from co-workers.

My male co-worker is really nice and always pays me compliments. He's teaching me about the male brain just by being himself really. Real men love women they can count on. He always plays with the 'America's Sweetheart' of our office, but he rarely pays her compliments. Whereas with me, when we need to follow up on a case or something like that, I'm game. He always says he can count on me and I like that.
 
I didn’t coddle and reach for my wallet to pay for anything.

I didn’t control by helping us find a park even though we passed many.

I didn’t criticize his parenting skills.

I didn’t complain about how hot it was or when he wanted to leave. I instead just told him I would like to listen to music a little longer.

I didn’t try to change him and his attire lol. Me and baby boy dressed to the theme of the day.

If I could just be more present and off my phone I’d be SET :lol:
 
This question just popped into my mind: what are some ways a woman can be an invitation to a man?

From dictionary.com:
1. the act of inviting.
2. the written or spoken form with which a person is invited.
3. something offered as a suggestion: an invitation to consider a business merger.
4. attraction or incentive; allurement.
5. a provocation.

Some thoughts I have:
-Making eye contact
-Smiling
-Showing interest in him by asking how he's doing (but letting him lead the conversation from there)
-Feminine frills (makeup, hair, clothing, heels, nails, etc)
-After being warm, create space/distance for him to lean in

Any other ideas? :look:
 
Belle Du Jour said:
This question just popped into my mind: what are some ways a woman can be an invitation to a man?

From dictionary.com:
1. the act of inviting.
2. the written or spoken form with which a person is invited.
3. something offered as a suggestion: an invitation to consider a business merger.
4. attraction or incentive; allurement.
5. a provocation.

Some thoughts I have:
-Making eye contact
-Smiling
-Showing interest in him by asking how he's doing (but letting him lead the conversation from there)
-Feminine frills (makeup, hair, clothing, heels, nails, etc)
-After being warm, create space/distance for him to lean in

Any other ideas? :look:
Click to expand...
Perfume lol. Seduce him.
Leading with her femininity
 



Recap
January
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner/Buy a Planner
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Polish Yourself to become Pretty n Poised
Week 4: Block History Month
February
Week 5: Self Preservation isn't a Luxury; It's Essential
Week 6: What's in a Voice?
Week 7: Level Up Your Look
Week 8: Turning Routines into Rituals
Week 9: Manage Your Leisure Time
March
Week 10: Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike
Week 11: Let's Get Some Sunshine
Week 11.5: Stop Over-functioning
Week 12: Looking with Fresh Eyes
Week 13: Communicating in Love
Week 13.5: Becoming a High Value Woman

April- Feminine Refinement
Week 14: Take the Help
Week 14.5: You are ENOUGH
Week 15: Feminine Mystique (Last Year's Post)
Week 15.5: Release unavailable men, unfilled loved, family trauma, and struggle love
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Week 16.5: Become Fierce, Feminine, and FUN by Building Your Brand
Week 17: Navigating Intimacy Fears
Week 18: Transforming Limiting Beliefs


Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media

​
Some Tips to Clean Up Your Profile
1. Less is more. Strive not to post a lot. The more you post, the more people have information to judge you.Don’tpost so often. It seems like you have no life.

2. Make a list of 30 new things you have NEVER done, read, eaten, or etc. Strive to do one new activity a week. I don't care if it's small like going to the library or trying out some new Fro-Yo. The thing is that you want to present yourself as having fun, lively, charismatic, smiling, joyful, and CLASSY.

3. Hide groups or friends that are off putting. If it’s a meme…. don’t repost it on YOUR page. Make a comment on the meme, tag your friends if needed, and keep going. HIDE YOUR RATCHET FRIENDS FROM THE WORLD.

4. Delete bad photos with your hair not done or you with no makeup. If it doesn't look magazine worthy, it should not be posted.

5. Really it’s no reason to post boyfriends until they are your fiancé or husband point blank. Friends and associates should meet your significant other through physical interactions…not through FaceBook/Instagram.

6. Delete pictures of exes. They don’t belong in your life anymore…friend or not.

7. Delete many pictures of you with men. (This is especially if you're not married). Stick to pictures with other females. DO NOT post pictures of men...it looks like you keep a lot of male company. It can be taken in two ways: a. you're already taken b. you's a (finish the song lol).

8. Edit or delete any statuses in which you are cursing. (You can search your timeline for curse words by doing Name posts insertcurseword. All posts with the curse words will pop up.

9. Stay away from politics: arguing about trump, black lives matter, black panther, racial suggestions. Remember to protect your peace. These issues keep you up in the air and hot and bothered for the whole day. Steer away from these conversations. These are not your battles to fight...and if you feel so...fight them privately.

10. Have great pictures. Think photography worthy pics.

11. Delete pictures where you are at work or you are driving a car. You worth is not defined by your job. You are waaaay more than your career. Driving a car implies you like to drive and do not like to be driven around. Refrain from pics like this.

12. Delete mentions and pictures of degrees or jobs (especially if single)

13. Have pictures of your male vouchers (fathers, brothers, uncles) to let others know you are well protected and well taken care of. Make statuses on how your brothers/father protect you...even if it is not true. You are building your reputation so you teach others how to treat you.

14. Try to keep pictures of your children off of social media. If you have more than TWO children, don’t let potential husbands know this. This is something they can find out once they get to know you. Employ feminine mystique

15. Don’t post too many (really ANY) pictures of you in a club setting.

16. Delete unclear pictures including your profile pictures.

17. Natural hair and feminine clothing is very nurturing. Focus on wearing clothing that the opposite sex could not wear. No slouchy sweat pants, short masculine hairdo’s, all black clothes, and etc. Strive to be very feminine in your attire. If it doesn’t meet the criteria…delete it. They can only see what you let them see.

18. Refrain from profanity and aggressiveness. Ask others that curse on your timeline to edit their posts or you delete the post. You can posts something like: “I’m deleting your comments, not because of your opinion but your language is too foul and not something I can have women on my page being associated with. Facebook is considered public and you are not representing me, black women, or the elders up to my standards. Love you. Be sweet.” Protect your peace and your reputation. You don’t curse and people shouldn’t overtly curse either on your page. A lil curse word here and there is normal for men and in the general conversation of many…but blatant and rude cursing …. get rid of it.

19. Refrain from clothing that screams sex and not wife. (This goes back to the club pictures). Twerking, overly sexy pictures, and etc. scream gf or person setting up to get used and not wife.

20. Post pictures of you to attract a man: You cleaning, your skin glowing and you looking natural, pictures of you cooking, nice feminine dresses in heels,

21. Dresses: Look for A-line dresses, feminine shoes, wear nice fitting underwear such as Wacoal, wear piece of jewelry such as necklaces, bracelets, pearl earrings, and etc.

22. Post pictures of you serving others or speak indirectly about you spending time serving others.

23. Posting Guidelines:

a. Refrain from Content that is graphic, obscene, explicit, racial, or disparaging in any form.

b. Refrain from Content that is abusive, hateful, inflammatory, or intended to defame any person(s)

c. Try to aim to be positive at all times. Refrain from publically complaining. A woman unable to be pleased stunts her own growth.

d. Control your mouth

e. No Bathroom Selfies

f. Refrain from many pictures with random men that are not family

g. Delete all non-magazine quality pictures

h. Let go of the need of letting people know how sad you always are.

24. Posing Instructions

a. Hair on the shoulders (#1) should be avoided at all costs.

b. Pull the Chin (or Ears) Forward

c. Lift your arm slightly- When people stand naturally, another thing they do is stand with their arms flat at their sides. This causes several problems. First, it makes them look awkward and uncomfortable in the photo. Secondly, their arm presses against their torso. This squishes the arm out and makes it look larger than it actually is.

d. Don’t take Pics Head On If your subject stares at the camera head-on, they look bigger. Turn your shoulders so they are not head on. Just raising one shoulder higher than another will add dimension and strength to the image.

e. Don’t Show the Whites of Your Eyes- You want to see the iris, the colored part.

f. Open Your Mouth Slightly- With the mouth slightly open, the jawline is elongated and gives a subtle intimate invite to the viewer.

g. Have Ballet Hands- Under the chin, over the shoulder, to the side, under the ear or through the hair are some common positions for hands.

h. Position Yourself Girl- Old red carpet trick: Position your body 45 degrees and put the arm closest to the camera on your hip. Then plant one foot slightly in front of the other, point your toe to the camera and place your weight on your back leg.

Stand Up Straight- Standing up straight really does make a difference. Not only will it elongate you in photos, but it gives you an aura of strength and confidence, which is naturally alluring.

Week 16 Challenge
1. Post a list of 30 things you have never done, read, ate, gone. Accomplish ONE NEW PLACE/ACTIVITY this week. Make it something classy. Beach picture, jazz club, spa date, SOMETHING.
2. Clean up your social media profile. Post in this thread how you've made some changes. Delete all pictures of exes. Delete all unflattering pics where you or your children aren't their best.
3. Download a great photo editing app. Post some suggestions if you find some great ones.
4. Create a new profile picture. I don't care if it's staged or not....look good and girly. Throw on some heels, a dress, and some slight makeup. Stand in the back yard or a park. Get outside and let the sun kiss your beautiful skin. Create a new you.

​
 
Y’all what’s the melanin girl’s new name on IG I can’t find her with her beautiful self lol. She stays changing her names.
 
Week 16 Affirmations
Topic: Clean up Your Social Media​

1. I am the prize and I act accordingly.
2. Masculine men love to see me happy and love to solve problems for me.
3. I am a beautiful feminine woman and I do things to enhance my femininity daily.
4. I love myself deeply and fully.
5. I always put my best foot forward.
 
Brwnbeauti said:
I've avoided three arguments this week. It felt good.
Click to expand...
I avoided two arguments.

First one was on do I think it’s wrong to minimize risk of the government by not getting married. He told me women are the only party that benefits when getting married. The man doesn't benefit at all. I told him, "I see this conversation is going to lead to an argument so I'm going to leave the convo until you decide to change the topic." My boundaries are getting stronger each day.

Second one the guy that I was dating heavy moved away. He came to visit and noticed I had new lights up in my house. He got an attitude because I know he wanted to know who put the lights up. Lol I deflected and started telling him how I down I felt about something else lol. Oh honey I'm feeling on uninspired and down. I really wanted this job and I didn't get it. *pouts* We ended up having a tickle fight and he took me to the store to fix something in my house haha.
 
Last edited:
Brwnbeauti said:
I've avoided three arguments this week. It felt good.
Click to expand...
I’ve been avoiding arguments since the week we had to protect our peace. Tbh, it feels nice.

I don’t mean anything behind this (saying I’ve been doing it for a while) but I guess I don’t mention it because even though we get weekly goals, I’m usually either behind weeks (because it take me more than a week to cultivate the learnings of the week) and sometimes, let say for example, week 3 had a goal that I tried but it was meh at the time, then week 11 has another goal and it make me feel better. It’s then that I’ll go back to week 3 and I’ll feel better about that week. Sorry to side track, I just go with the weeks that’s resonate more to make the weeks that don’t finally hit home.

Anyway, last week, I was having a conversation with my supervisor. Luckily we are close. We were talking about something work related and I told her I understood her point, but she didn’t understand mine and that her focus was wrong (not that mine was right, but she was trying to control an outcome that, overall, she can’t). She admitted she knows her focus is wrong but continued on. My response was “ok”. She made another comment and I told her I checked out of the conversation. She laughed and said she knew. I was more concerned about my peace than being right.

The previous week in a meeting, they were working out certain logistics (internally) and my input was to focus on those we had the most control over and get a plan for them (plan b) but for plan a, lets make a proposal and only work it out if we got approval. People were trying to figure things out and I told them “it’s pointless and a waste of time”. Controlling an outcome is not protecting your peace.

I have more but I’m glad you ladies bought it up. It definitely keeps you feminine.
 
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