Recap
January
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner/Buy a Planner
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Polish Yourself to become Pretty n Poised
Week 4: Block History Month
February
Week 5: Self Preservation isn't a Luxury; It's Essential
Week 6: What's in a Voice?
Week 7: Level Up Your Look
Week 8: Turning Routines into Rituals
Week 9: Manage Your Leisure Time
March
Week 10: Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike
Week 11: Let's Get Some Sunshine
Week 11.5: Stop Over-functioning
Week 12: Looking with Fresh Eyes
Week 13: Communicating in Love
Week 13.5: Becoming a High Value Woman
April- Feminine Refinement
Week 14: Take the Help
Week 14.5: You are ENOUGH
Week 15: Feminine Mystique (Last Year's Post)
Week 15.5: Release unavailable men, unfilled loved, family trauma, and struggle love
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Week 16.5: Become Fierce, Feminine, and FUN by Building Your Brand
Week 17: Navigating Intimacy Fears
Week 18: Transforming Limiting Beliefs
Week 15: Feminine Mystique PART TWO
NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS MANY ASPECTS OF MARRIAGE THAT PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT. IT ALSO INVOLVES PROTECTING YOU WHICH MAY INVOLVE DECEPTION OR KNOWING HOW TO PLAY YOUR CARDS SO YOU ALWAYS ARE OKAY. IF THIS IS NOT MORAL TO YOU OR MAKES YOU UNEASY PLEASE REFER TO LAST YEAR'S FEMININE MYSTIQUE POST. IT CAN BE FOUND HERE.
The flip side that folks rarely talk about
If you marry an alpha male:
He probably works a demanding job, which means he isn't home as often as you'd like...meaning you'll carry the weight of the child-raising and won't have as much time for yourself.
He likely has a dominant/alpha male personality and if he isn't refined, it may come across as controlling. (learn how to recognize this so you can nip it in the bud ASAP)
If you aren't confident and fully assured of your value and what you bring to the table, guilt/resentment and a whole host of other issues can creep in
One person carrying all the finances can have its stressful moments and it can be draining in so many ways. This means you NEED to look for other ways to keep the spark in your relationship and STAY ready so you don't have to get ready.
You still need to be able to articulate your worth and perhaps even attach a dollar value to it because most men with this mindset view everything in a "dollar & cents" type of way and if it dont make dollars it dont make sense to them.
You need feminine mystique.
Feminine Mystique on Stroking His Ego/Getting Things Done for You:
Men will say little things such as, “Oh you paid for your nails before me. How were you getting it done then?”. Your reply should be something like, "Oh my daddy did it before. But since I have a man now, they depend on YOU to do it since you’re the man." He doesn’t need to know you were paying for it or another man was paying for it. This is your feminine allure and mystique. He is more apt to take care of you when he believes you have ALWAYS been taken care of.
Him: I thought about what you did boo. You don’t listen to me. You: baby I always listen to you. Boo you remember when you told me not to drive fast. I stopped. Boo I thought about what you said about xyz, and I felt inspired to... You may have to lie at times. You probably still drive fast. Maybe he didn't inspire you and your friends actually pushed you....stroke his ego within reason. Let him THINK you respect him if it means it will give you MORE.
Him: For you to not have much money, you have money to get your hair done.
You: Oh this hair is old and my best friend installed it for free. You know I don't have any money.
Let's say yall are breaking up. You are making the choice to move out or at least you want HIM to think that you want to break up. Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you. Keep your intentions HIDDEN.
You CANNOT be afraid to lose him. YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
When you’re dating or in a relationship don’t ever say stuff like Oh...you spend $150 a week in groceries? I could do it for $100 a week. (He will often give you LESS than what you asked for. Instead get his $150 a week and pocket the extra or buy extra groceries.)
Don't ever say things such as, "Oh I’m not a girl that needs to be taken out." "Oh I don’t ever need my nails done like those others girls." Even if it’s true. This is your feminine mystique. That’s you auditioning for a role, plus it hurts you when you try to do tricks like above. Remember you ALWAYS get less than what you bargained for. Keep the bar HIGH.
Feminine Mystique As It Relates to 50/50
When men say they want to go 50/50 that means on the bills. It does NOT mean on the cleaning, childcare responsibilities, cooking, and etc. Because of this, the girl ends up with the short end of the stick because she ends up paying half of the bills AND doing most of the cleaning, childcare, and cooking. Don't be fooled. HOWEVER feminine mystique will help. You have to have the mindset that: If he won’t balance the workload I will.
Example 1: Him: Boo I need you to pay half of the electricity bill. You: Oh I ain’t got it. I would if I could. (
Example 2: Do what you have to do to get it done. I have a friend that got on Adderall to get through her nursing program. Do YOU but be smart about it. KEEP IT PRIVATE. Just keep your goal as your focus and ACCOMPLISH THAT ISH...PRIVATELY
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Getting Money
Example 1: My cousin’s husband gives her no money and she was wearing old clothes so I'm like go to Kroger and buy a $100 Nordstrom card every month so you can buy yourself something. (Keep your end goal as your focus and accomplish it privately.)
Example 2: Every time you go to the store and use the card, get cash back, even if you start out small like $20-25. Just get it and put it in your own account.”
Example 3: Let’s say you go to the grocery store. Ask for His card casually and say, "Hey boo; I need to buy some groceries for us at the store. Let me see your card. The first few times do what you’re supposed to do and spend a low amount. However, over time increase that amount. Either ask for cash back or buy a gift card to a store you like. This is the way you have money (from him) to get your nails done, dermatologist, new clothes, makeup, or even to save as “forget you money” in your feminine mystique account. $100 a week adds up!
Example 4: When you ask for money, ask for MORE than what you need. If you need to get your car fixed for example and it costs $200, ask for $300. This way if they only give you half ($150) you still have most of the money. If he gives you the full amount....pocket the extra in your savings.
Example 5: Don't tell him the total amount of money you make. Downplay it. Say these days are slow. LIE.
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to Leaving Him
Example 1: Tell him you’re moving in with a friend. Don’t tell him who the friend is. Lie. Say something like well they gave me a pamphlet on domestic abuse and they said don’t tell your abuser where you’re moving to so I can’t tell you.
Example 2: Tell him that you will be moving out of state for a job. Put flight details out on the table. Make him chase you. Make him afraid to LOSE YOU.
Example 3: Let’s say you’ve been talking to your mom how he is abusive and you want to leave him. He counteracts with you don’t need to talk to your mom so much. She’s manipulative. She doesn’t want you to have anything. Say you’re right. Tell HIM you stopped talking to your mom. Talk to your mom when he is not around. Talk to her in the car or when you’re at work or running errands. Talk to her privately. He doesn’t have to know! Your mom is sometimes the only one that will give you real advice. Don’t let him isolate you from people who unconditionally love you.
Feminine Mystique as it Relates to KEEPING THE FOCUS ON YOU
I have a friend that looks so frumpy. She stays up all night with the baby so she has horrible crow's feet. Her husband said they didn't have money for things and needed to scale back so she scimps and dimes on keeping herself. She dyes her hair herself. She goes to Supercut to get her hair cut and then does the rest herself. She doesn't get her nails done. She only wears cheap perfume. Good perfume is only for special days because it's too expensive. She only wears drugstore makeup. BUT you have to look at the bigger picture. HE is still doing what he wants. He goes to a fancy gym. He got a promotion at work but she's not seeing any extra money. He always has on nice clothes. HIS cologne costs $200 a bottle. When they say WE can't afford that...MANY TIMES IT MEANS
YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT. If he ever leaves her, he will leave with a girl that is youthful and keeps up her appearance. This will be a girl that doesn't have all this BAGGAGE like my friend has...because of HIM.
Don't get married and deny yourself anything and start making sacrifices in how you look, what you buy, etc. Continue to maintain whatever beauty services or shopping habits you used to do for yourself because when men "say we need to watch our spending or we can't afford that", they mean YOU can't afford it, because I have never seen a man deny themselves anything, literally never ever. They will still get their workouts in, still get in time with their boys, buy Jordan's, still find money for X widget that they claim to need. Be vague! Oh this old thing? I had it in the back of the closet. Oh this hair? I got my friend to put it in for free? I reused my hair. Oh this makeup? I been had it. Deflect and lie as needed but protect your marketability above all costs. Don't let yourself get fat, frumpy, old looking, and BORING. KEEP the focus on you so you STAY ready and never have to get ready.
Feminine Mystique on Saving for a Rainy Day
-"My mom had a company. A company bought her out and she stayed as a consultant. As we were working through my mother's estate my dad said he had no idea that she sold it for this amount. She literally told him 1/4 of the amount. He's just now finding out." Keep your business and yoru business taxes separate. Even if you husband is a great dude. Keep money for yourself and MAKE SURE you are financially secure. It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with not trusting your husband or the quality of your marriage. It deals with always having a financial plan in case something happens.
-Keep some of your tax refunds and place it it your savings. YOU NEVER know when you might need to get away, get a hotel room for a few days, or just up and making a few money moves. Keep this money PRIVATELY but always protect yourself so you ALWAYS have a way out.
-"When I had the baby my husband asked me how much was the hospital bill. I told him around $3000 because of anesthesia and etc. I had already budgeted and put aside money for this pregnancy. However when he gave me the $3000 I saved it anyway. "
Feminine Mystique on Saving for your Personality
- You should be kinda like an onion. He shouldn't know everything about you. One day just go to a French restaurant and order and speak in french to the waiter.
- Let something break and then let him find out you actually know how to sew.
- Don't TELL him everything about you (it comes off as you auditioning for a role). Let it happen organically.
Feminine Mystique Tips
Always use/give few words rather than many.
Don't give explanations for anything. Be vague if asked for an explanation.
Try too only stay on the phone for no more than 15 mins.
Listen to him more than you speak (you will end up knowing soooo much about him and he knows nothing about you).
Practice being emotionally unreactive.
Always give off a happy/light vibe when you speak.
Always leave him wanting more.
Anything u would talk to gfs/female friends family about do not talk to him about those topics.
Practice using feminine body language (there are a lot of videos online that are very helpful with this also).
Week 15 Challenge
1. Be a mystery. How could you develop this mysterious appearance?
2. Continue to go to the new things, read new books, and eat new things. Keep the focus on YOU.
3. Is there a way that you could be more mysterious for your DH or significant other? Use your robe, slowly take off your clothes and don't rush, tease him.
4. The best way to be mysterious is honestly be so self-absorbed into you. Embrace your uniqueness. Do your hobbies, your dreams, your goals, stay in your lane, and keep your lifestyle public but your life private. What does this mean in your life?
. Just like what we humans need 
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. I love white chocolate and so does my mom, so that's our treat. Other than that, I am continuing to eat healthy. I'm still active too. My 30s will be fully dedicated to the factor health
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