2019 52 Weeks To Being Divinely Feminine Thread

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CurliDiva said:
I was a relaxed (and thus more gracious) hostess this weekend!

I used to get worked up when company was visiting - spending hours deep cleaning, planning a special menu, dressing sharply, and running around stressing for things to go the exact way I pictured it in my mind.

This weekend I stayed in the moment and relaxed. I served menu items that I made in advance, so I was able to spend time with my guests versus running back and forth to the kitchen.

I even told DH that he could wear shorts (with a nice shirt) instead of making him dress up.

We had a wonderful evening was full of warm spirits and conversation.

DH keeps complimenting me on the great job I did.
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This is so amazing! I love being in my feminine. I feel so relaxed and gracious. You're right about the hostess thing. I absolutely STRESS OUT when I am hosting company at my house and I HATE it. I never get to enjoy my guests because of me constantly ripping and running around. In fact, I think the next time Baby Boy has a birthday party, I will just end up asking ex-DH to pay for it to be at a trampoline park and be DONE because having it at the house or clubhouses is way too stressful for me. I would rather just be in the moment and free.
 
Belle Du Jour said:
I needed help from our IT guy today. He’s a cute nerdy Asian guy who seems a bit introverted and quiet. He kept apologizing because the work he was doing took a bit of time. I just kept saying “oh no, thank you for your help! I really appreciate it.” I also asked him how he was doing, to make conversation. I heard another man in the office talking about his children so I asked him about them. I’m just trying to take any opportunity to practice with men when I can and keep my energy OPEN :yep:
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I've been doing this too. I've been just being open and girly with EVERYONE; it really shows.
 
mrselle said:
Are you me??? Lol. DH and I had been having the same discussion about our lawn for a few years. He is frugal and doesn't like to pay people for something he feels he can do himself. Well, the end result has been a yard full of weeds, bare spots and letters from our HOA. I decided to keep quiet and just make sure our flower beds look nice. Last fall he finally realized that we may need a professional. Since the fall they have aerated, put down seed, pre-emergent and all the other stuff that needs to be put down. All of this coupled with the rain we've been getting has our grass looking thick, lush and green. Its amazing what they've been able to do in a relatively short amount of time.
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Lol Ex-DH was like this as well. He had never cut grass before we got our house but he was DETERMINED to get that grass looking right for the free. I gotta give it to him, the guys at Home Depot helped us one time and they really had the grass looking REALLY good. They told us what kind of grass we had (St. Augustine) and after that it was on and popping. BUT I do think we need a REAL landscaper. I NEVER said anything to DH though about this. I realize now that men have to find out on their own.


Belle Du Jour said:
Went back to the coffee shop and saw the same barista. I took my time deciding what I wanted to order but he started to ring up my usual order (guess he's been paying attention). So I smiled and made a joke about coming there too often. I said "I was thinking about trying something new..." He made some recommendations and I decided to go with one of his suggestions. :yep: He said "just let me know if you don't like it--you should get what you pay for." So when he handed it to me, he watched kind of sheepishly as I took the first sips. I said "hmmmmmmm" and he said "I guess that means you like it!" I said "I do! Thank you!" He also upgraded to a larger size than what he charged for. :yep:
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LOL They love feeling like the hero chile. He makes coffee all day but the feeling that he made yours EXTRA special to you does something to his SOUL. I'm really working on building up the male ego. It seems to be working.
 
I’m thankful to y’all being patient with me. I didn’t upload affirmations for this week’s challenge because I’m going through it. My dog got hit by a car yesterday. I’ve had him for 7 years. He was my first purchase with my ex-husband, he helped me get through a lot including this divorce, and DS loves his dog. Y’all I have been devastated.

I allowed myself to feel and actually be vulnerable. I cried soooo hard on the phone that my ex husband drove an hour here to come get the dog and get him out of the street for me so I wouldn’t have to do it. After that he drove back an hour to bury him in the back yard and for that I’m appreciative. I’ve been in bed a LOT lately.

I’m thankful for my friends. @PeaceLover keog saying calm down and what are you doing for YOU today?! How will you love you today? It’s easy for me to say this to you all but sooo hard when your world is upside down. My other close friend also got some flowers and mascara delivered since I cried my SOUL out all day. She stayed on the phone with me last night to push me while I cooked and plated. We actually did it together. She cooked on her side of the world and I did so on mine. Thank god for technology. I’ll post pictures later.
 
Protecting my femininity...
I stopped to check on a colleague who was in an accident. Tore all the muscles from ear to clavicle on one side. Of course I’m empathetic, she can’t lift more than 5lbs, including her babies. Is a gym enthusiast and can do nothing physical.
Here comes that meanie, with a smirk
“Getting the rundown on the accident”
Why is this smirk worthy? I’m telling you some women. SMH
:bighug: @PrissiSippi
 
PrissiSippi said:
I’m thankful to y’all being patient with me. I didn’t upload affirmations for this week’s challenge because I’m going through it. My dog got hit by a car yesterday. I’ve had him for 7 years. He was my first purchase with my ex-husband, he helped me get through a lot including this divorce, and DS loves his dog. Y’all I have been devastated.

I allowed myself to feel and actually be vulnerable. I cried soooo hard on the phone that my ex husband drove an hour here to come get the dog and get him out of the street for me so I wouldn’t have to do it. After that he drove back an hour to bury him in the back yard and for that I’m appreciative. I’ve been in bed a LOT lately.

I’m thankful for my friends. @PeaceLover keog saying calm down and what are you doing for YOU today?! How will you love you today? It’s easy for me to say this to you all but sooo hard when your world is upside down. My other close friend also got some flowers and mascara delivered since I cried my SOUL out all day. She stayed on the phone with me last night to push me while I cooked and plated. We actually did it together. She cooked on her side of the world and I did so on mine. Thank god for technology. I’ll post pictures later.
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Sorry about your dog. I know how it is to have a dog as a loved one.

Thank you for keeping this thread going even when life brings challenges. Thank you for being vulnerable. I appreciate you.

Keep your head up.

Best,
Almond Eyes
 
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Plated food from the last week brown butter lemon catfish and fried honey bbq chicken wings
 

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PrissiSippi said:
I’m thankful to y’all being patient with me. I didn’t upload affirmations for this week’s challenge because I’m going through it. My dog got hit by a car yesterday. I’ve had him for 7 years. He was my first purchase with my ex-husband, he helped me get through a lot including this divorce, and DS loves his dog. Y’all I have been devastated.

I allowed myself to feel and actually be vulnerable. I cried soooo hard on the phone that my ex husband drove an hour here to come get the dog and get him out of the street for me so I wouldn’t have to do it. After that he drove back an hour to bury him in the back yard and for that I’m appreciative. I’ve been in bed a LOT lately.

I’m thankful for my friends. @PeaceLover keog saying calm down and what are you doing for YOU today?! How will you love you today? It’s easy for me to say this to you all but sooo hard when your world is upside down. My other close friend also got some flowers and mascara delivered since I cried my SOUL out all day. She stayed on the phone with me last night to push me while I cooked and plated. We actually did it together. She cooked on her side of the world and I did so on mine. Thank god for technology. I’ll post pictures later.
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I hope that you are able to pass through this period without a lot of long lasting pain (physically and emotionally).

I'm happy that you have such a wonderful support system to help you through.
 
snoop said:
How do you mold the rice?
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So I cook my rice in the rice cooker.when it's still warm you put the rice in a measuring cup. Pack it down so it's a lot of rice in the measuring cup (but don't force it). I usually use a 1 cup measuring cup.

Place the measuring cup face down on the plate and your rice ball should slide right out.

 
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Remember to make leaning back your DEFAULT position. Refrain from overfunctioning and keep the focus on you at all times to stay at peace. If you need a refresher check out our post on leaning back HERE.

Not paddling the boat/ Leaning back is:
:bdance: Relaxing…. you feel no tension in your mind or body so you relax in your thoughts as well as physically, thus naturally leaning back
:gorgeous: Confidence…. you are sure of yourself, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone by showing them how worthy you are of a relationship or how smart you are
:hula: Present…. you are not in your head, or projecting into the future (or past!) - you are just in the here and now, with whatever you are doing or is in front of you
:weird: Warm…. you are open to receiving from a man when he does step up and come to you
:wiggle: Letting go…. you are not doing this in order to control the outcome of the date, or of your relationship - you are doing this to STOP doing just that
:sneakyhug: Happy…. no matter what the situation is like in your relationship or dating life, don’t give it the power to take away your happiness - only YOU can make yourself happy, so choose to be happy.

Not paddling the boat/ Leaning back is a natural way of being around men! It helps you observe who they are vs. projecting on them or falling for their potential! When you lean back, you can see a man for who he truly is. That gives you a lot of power in dating!
 
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Recap
January
Week 1: Create Femininity Goals. Find an accountability partner/Buy a Planner
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Polish Yourself to become Pretty n Poised
Week 4: Block History Month
February
Week 5: Self Preservation isn't a Luxury; It's Essential
Week 6: What's in a Voice?
Week 7: Level Up Your Look
Week 8: Turning Routines into Rituals
Week 9: Manage Your Leisure Time
March
Week 10: Be like Children; Not Childish but Childlike
Week 11: Let's Get Some Sunshine
Week 11.5: Stop Over-functioning
Week 12: Looking with Fresh Eyes
Week 13: Communicating in Love
Week 13.5: Becoming a High Value Woman

April- Feminine Refinement
Week 14: Take the Help
Week 14.5: You are ENOUGH
Week 15: Feminine Mystique
Week 15.5: Release unavailable men, unfilled loved, family trauma, and struggle love
Week 16: Clean Up Your Social Media
Week 16.5: Become Fierce, Feminine, and FUN by Building Your Brand
Week 17: Navigating Intimacy Fears
Week 18: Transforming Limiting Beliefs


Week 13: Communicating in LOVE

Adapted from: https://the20minuteguide.com/partners/helping-with-words/communicating-love-listening/

Venn-1024x1024.jpg

​
LOVE is four verbs: Listening, Offering, Validating, and Empathizing

Listening
Take your time. Even if you ARE rushed for time, take the time to slow down. Ask open ended questions related to what your child, spouse, signficiant other, coworker, family/friends are saying. Example: Tell me what did you like most about your day?

Offering
If there is a problem use the sandwich technique.
Refrain from giving unsolicited advice but be open to help within your boundaries.

Validating
  • This means acknowledging another person’s experience without needing to qualify it in any way.
  • This means making them feel accepted even if you don't fully agree with their viewpoints.
  • This includes not criticizing, controlling, or unnecessarily correcting them.

Empathizing.
This involves truly feeling “where the other person is coming from"
Use your feelings statements to convey that you understand the situation and point of view
  • “wow, that seems like it would feel really nerve-wracking”
  • “that would have made me feel upset too”
  • "I can feel your happiness coming through the phone"



Week 13 Challenge
1. Make time to practice your ability to communicate with love. Make time to see things with fresh eyes and be excited about each and every moment you spend with your loved ones. Seeing things with fresh eyes, take the time to slow down, be very present, and offer LOVE to everyone you meet while remaining open, receptive, flowy, and sweet on the outside (strong on the inside in your boundaries)
2. How could you increase your A behaviors to your loved ones? (Appreciation, Admiration, and Affirmation)
3. How could you increase the emotional safety of your loved ones?
 
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Feminine ladies, let him order your food at least some of the time. When you're dating this is how you know you won't be paying. HE'S the one who ordered. When married it gives you a way to show respect and beam over him to others (the waiter/waitress) which strokes his ego.

I let my suitor order my food today. I said:

"Darling, I would love a ribeye steak with a loaded baked potato and side of asparagus. Could you please order it for me? :gorgeous:"

Of course there was no problem. I felt so feminine. When the waitress came and he ordered for me I said, "Why thank you honey; you're always so thoughtful."

The waitress was like I hope I can find a man like that one day. Little does she know....he's a work in progress hahaha. But it DID feel really feminine and good to lean back and let him take the responsibility and lead.
 
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Ladies, what is the difference between being authentic with a man and leaning forward? I'll try to answer my own question: I think leaning forward is trying to get an outcome but being authentic is doing what you want to do because it's authentic without caring about how it lands on a man (because it wasn't about him anyway). Thoughts?
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
I am thinking someone is really excited about something that I think is wither a bad idea or they could do better, I tend to jump to "oh well why don't you do xyz instead because its better for abc reason". Then they get deflated, I feel bad, etc.
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I know you asked @PrissiSippi but I used to do this and stopped a lot of this earlier this year when I began learning to listen versus listening to talk.
- I stopped offering advice and just listened.
- I began asking for the situation or whatever to be explained again but slowly. I tell the person “can you tell me again, I want to understand better”
- I began asking questions. Let the person hear themselves out while not really giving advice. I also do ask questions that arent condescending. I try my best to reword them or make my tone of concern.
- let them know I understand what they are trying to achieve and if I don’t, i ask for more clarity for that I can understand better.
- i speak softly and I smile, make eye contact. I have to work on facial expressions though lol.
- finally, I don’t give advice but if it’s something I wouldn’t do, just end with something flattering to say.

It takes more time but wastes less energy.
 
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Belle Du Jour said:
Ladies, what is the difference between being authentic with a man and leaning forward? I'll try to answer my own question: I think leaning forward is trying to get an outcome but being authentic is doing what you want to do because it's authentic without caring about how it lands on a man (because it wasn't about him anyway). Thoughts?
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Authentic is genuine and leaning forward is forced/faked.

Authentic is not looking for a response. Leaning forward definitely is.

Authentic is self-loving. Leaning forward is love chasing.

Authentic doesn’t care; take it or leave it. Leaning forward is too worried; pleasing while not being pleased.
 
Saludable84 said:
Authentic is genuine and leaning forward is forced/faked.

Authentic is not looking for a response. Leaning forward definitely is.

Authentic is self-loving. Leaning forward is love chasing.

Authentic doesn’t care; take it or leave it. Leaning forward is too worried; pleasing while not being pleased.
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My ex husband asked do I miss him. He told me he misses my cuddles, being a “power couple”, and my cooking. (All of which are things I DID for him not things you should LOVE about your wife.

Me:

Authentic- I miss many things. I miss Family Friday’s and sleeping late on Saturdays (because he had the baby; I do not miss HIM.).

Leaning forward: I didn’t lie and say “I miss you being the strong backbone of this family.” (Because he didn’t lead.) I didn’t say it feels so lonely being here without my King that led. (Because I do not love him) I was honest. I don’t miss much.

Leaning forward would involved lying or putting extra icing on the cake to seeeten the deal. I would be trying to convince persuade or swindle him into coming back home.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
I am thinking someone is really excited about something that I think is wither a bad idea or they could do better, I tend to jump to "oh well why don't you do xyz instead because its better for abc reason". Then they get deflated, I feel bad, etc.
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I’m thinking you have to trust and surrender.

If they ASK you for your advice you can tell them. Don’t go TOO in depth but tell them one or two pointers

If they don’t ask for advice....say something like “Oh honey one thing I love about you is your leadership. You always figure out how to make things go at the end of the day and this time is no different.” Respect his leadership.

Men learn through disappointments. Trust he knows what he wants. Trust he knows how to get what he wants. Surrender to the journey.
 
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