LocksOfLuV
New Member
SouthernTease said:
You must not get out much.
LOVE WHITE MEN?
- Thread starter SouthernTease
- Start date
You must not get out much.
spelmanlocks
Well-Known Member
SouthernTease said:
I've heard two people say the same thing about Miami. One of my friends from college lives there and she only dates Hispanic men, not on purpose but because she says the black male population there are all gay or boo'ed up with other race women.
For myself, I find some white men to be physically attractive, especially if he has a nice body. If I didn't already have a man I might consider dating one.
gone_fishing
New Member
SouthernTease said:
This is such a dangerous stereotype. If black men were to stand up and say all black women in miami are whores (and let's face it miami is not a lot different than rio) we would all be up in arms! I don't want to argue but I cannot sit by and let my brother, cousins, uncles, etc. be stereotyped that way. There are GOOD black men everywhere. They are often over-looked if they aren't driving fancy cars or wearing bling bling. Black women have that "alpha male" syndrome. We tend to all flock to the same guy and the guys who could really be great husbands go over-looked and end up alone. And so do we after we realize that alpha male has been mating with the whole community. I've seen black women on many many occassions turn their noses up at a nice blue collar black man because they are stuck on social status. Good black men exist everywhere but you will not find him at the club or at the bar. He's probably at home or work like many of us so he may seem somewhat elusive but I assure you he is there.
gone_fishing
New Member
I'm reposting this from another thread:
I haven't been here long enough to know who is in what clique. I know there are always some on forums. I do not know who is whose friend and who is whose enemies and i'm not trying to spark any flames here so please no one take offense at anything I've said.
No, I don't think any race of men treat their women better. I think it's about individuality and upbringing in general. Some might say that our black family unit is in crisis and therefore a lot of black men were not raised to know how to be men while MORE (not all by any means) white males and even asian males had that traditional family setting and because of that, they grew up knowing and understanding relationships and how they function. Because of socio-economics and their different upbringing one could argue that in THEIR experience white men have treated them better (probably because those white men had a more healthy family background.) IT IS NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE BETTER. IT'S BECAUSE FATE DEALT THEM A DIFFERENT HAND.
Now there are plenty of black families who are thriving so I don't deny that. But you have to admit there are a lot of LOST black men and women who don't really understand their roles in a relationships because they never had a healthy model. For that reason it might seem that it's because a man's skin is white that he treats you better but in reality it's probably just because he had a healthy family unit. A black man with a healthy family background could give you the exact same quality relationship. Unfortunately, however, in today's society black men who come from healthy family backgrounds can be hard to find but it's certainly not impossible so long as you aren't only looking for the pro-athlete or celebrity status alpha male. Black women who come from healthy family backgrounds are hard to find as well.
Once we begin to work on our black female/ black male issue things will get better for everyone involved. But that is a movement better left for someone who is more experienced in anthropology and that is certainly not me.
I should say also that there are SOME black men and women who may have had a very dysfunctional upbringing but were able to overcome it and they are not "damaged" in the emotional and mental sense of the word. Unfortunately, there are many who will never leave that "ghetto" mentality for a better life.
However, ladies, if you go into a relationship expecing that this "white man" is going to treat you better - be careful because you won't be prepared when you get blind-sided by stereotypical non-race specific male wishy washy behavior very reminiscent of a situation a black man may have put you through. NEVER FORGET THEY ARE ALL STILL MEN.
There are a lot of white men who just want to try you out. I've dealt with this before although luckily I didn't get sucked in. It was obvious he just wanted to see what being with a black woman was like and I was not going to participate in that. It sounds vulgar but there are a lot of white men who would love to have sex with you but would never ever dream of marrying you. Talk about a fetish!
Don't put any group of men in general on a pedestal. That gives them to much room to stomp on you. Rather, find a good man (any GOOD man regardless of color) that treats you right and treat HIM like he deserves to be treated - not because he's WHITE or ASIAN but because he is HIM and he makes you a better person.
I hope that makes sense.
I haven't been here long enough to know who is in what clique. I know there are always some on forums. I do not know who is whose friend and who is whose enemies and i'm not trying to spark any flames here so please no one take offense at anything I've said.
No, I don't think any race of men treat their women better. I think it's about individuality and upbringing in general. Some might say that our black family unit is in crisis and therefore a lot of black men were not raised to know how to be men while MORE (not all by any means) white males and even asian males had that traditional family setting and because of that, they grew up knowing and understanding relationships and how they function. Because of socio-economics and their different upbringing one could argue that in THEIR experience white men have treated them better (probably because those white men had a more healthy family background.) IT IS NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE BETTER. IT'S BECAUSE FATE DEALT THEM A DIFFERENT HAND.
Now there are plenty of black families who are thriving so I don't deny that. But you have to admit there are a lot of LOST black men and women who don't really understand their roles in a relationships because they never had a healthy model. For that reason it might seem that it's because a man's skin is white that he treats you better but in reality it's probably just because he had a healthy family unit. A black man with a healthy family background could give you the exact same quality relationship. Unfortunately, however, in today's society black men who come from healthy family backgrounds can be hard to find but it's certainly not impossible so long as you aren't only looking for the pro-athlete or celebrity status alpha male. Black women who come from healthy family backgrounds are hard to find as well.
Once we begin to work on our black female/ black male issue things will get better for everyone involved. But that is a movement better left for someone who is more experienced in anthropology and that is certainly not me.
I should say also that there are SOME black men and women who may have had a very dysfunctional upbringing but were able to overcome it and they are not "damaged" in the emotional and mental sense of the word. Unfortunately, there are many who will never leave that "ghetto" mentality for a better life.
However, ladies, if you go into a relationship expecing that this "white man" is going to treat you better - be careful because you won't be prepared when you get blind-sided by stereotypical non-race specific male wishy washy behavior very reminiscent of a situation a black man may have put you through. NEVER FORGET THEY ARE ALL STILL MEN.
There are a lot of white men who just want to try you out. I've dealt with this before although luckily I didn't get sucked in. It was obvious he just wanted to see what being with a black woman was like and I was not going to participate in that. It sounds vulgar but there are a lot of white men who would love to have sex with you but would never ever dream of marrying you. Talk about a fetish!
Don't put any group of men in general on a pedestal. That gives them to much room to stomp on you. Rather, find a good man (any GOOD man regardless of color) that treats you right and treat HIM like he deserves to be treated - not because he's WHITE or ASIAN but because he is HIM and he makes you a better person.
I hope that makes sense.
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LocksOfLuV
New Member
adequate said:This is such a dangerous stereotype. If black men were to stand up and say all black women in miami are whores (and let's face it miami is not a lot different than rio) we would all be up in arms! I don't want to argue but I cannot sit by and let my brother, cousins, uncles, etc. be stereotyped that way. There are GOOD black men everywhere. They are often over-looked if they aren't driving fancy cars or wearing bling bling. Black women have that "alpha male" syndrome. We tend to all flock to the same guy and the guys who could really be great husbands go over-looked and end up alone. And so do we after we realize that alpha male has been mating with the whole community. I've seen black women on many many occassions turn their noses up at a nice blue collar black man because they are stuck on social status. Good black men exist everywhere but you will not find him at the club or at the bar. He's probably at home or work like many of us so he may seem somewhat elusive but I assure you he is there.
This post was so on point
! We are too busy sticking our noses up at the 'high profilers' and the 'stereotypical' black men that we are overlooking our college nerds, respectful black men, etc. There are SOOO many black men out there, yet we tend to want the same old dogs that everyone else want and forget about the nice guys.I don't even have more to say. You hit the nail on the head. Great post!
BeetleBug
Well-Known Member
adequate said:This is such a dangerous stereotype. If black men were to stand up and say all black women in miami are whores (and let's face it miami is not a lot different than rio) we would all be up in arms! I don't want to argue but I cannot sit by and let my brother, cousins, uncles, etc. be stereotyped that way. There are GOOD black men everywhere. They are often over-looked if they aren't driving fancy cars or wearing bling bling. Black women have that "alpha male" syndrome. We tend to all flock to the same guy and the guys who could really be great husbands go over-looked and end up alone. And so do we after we realize that alpha male has been mating with the whole community. I've seen black women on many many occassions turn their noses up at a nice blue collar black man because they are stuck on social status. Good black men exist everywhere but you will not find him at the club or at the bar. He's probably at home or work like many of us so he may seem somewhat elusive but I assure you he is there.
Well-stated.
HoneyDew
Well-Known Member
blasianbeauty said:
I am in a relationship, but in my area, white guys approach you just like any other guy.
I actually had a white guy hit on me today in K-Mart
- of all places - messing with me while I am trying to get my lunch-time PJ fix. He was cute and I gave him a little eye contact on my way into the store, so I guess he must have thought I liked him.At bars and clubs - ALL THE TIME. But that is not my choice of places to be "picked up"
But, I don't think I have met white guys in any special way - just like when you would meet any other guy.
I do think most white men are more discreet with their interests, unlike our brothas that, in most cases, HAVE NO PROBLEM, letting you know that he thinks you got it goin' on.
I met my SO in a coffee shop. Someone was trippin on the lady behind the corner when we were standing in line. I was standing behind him and he made a funny comment to me about it. I said something witty back and we just started talking. He asked me if we could "formally" meet for coffee one day and we have been together since.
LocksOfLuV
New Member
HoneyDew said:Locks your comments always crack me up. Frank and on point and real.
I mean seriously. I try not to be rude but geesh. ALL black men are gay? She must not get out much.
gone_fishing
New Member
blasianbeauty said:
I met mine through a mutual friend. He asked me out and I was skeptical because to be honest...I just had dealt with too many white guys who saw me as a novelty and not as a person. I'd never dated anyone with blue eyes either and for some strange reason THAT took a lot of getting used to. Weird, huh? But this one - his approach was different so I gave him a chance and I didn't want to pass judgment on him for another man's transgressions. We went out for the first time and now EVERY saturday evening is our official date night - just me and him although of course I see him throughout the week but we always reserve Saturday just for us. Now one year, a few camping trips, a week's cruise to the carribean, a few mountain climing adventures and some hugs and kisses later we are well on our way to a phat wedding in naples, florida next year. YAY! I'm glad I took a chance! BUT it's always important for me to remember that it's HIM and not his skin color that makes us click. INSIDES are PARAMOUNT to OUTSIDES!!!
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spelmanlocks
Well-Known Member
adequate said:This is such a dangerous stereotype. If black men were to stand up and say all black women in miami are whores (and let's face it miami is not a lot different than rio) we would all be up in arms! I don't want to argue but I cannot sit by and let my brother, cousins, uncles, etc. be stereotyped that way. There are GOOD black men everywhere. They are often over-looked if they aren't driving fancy cars or wearing bling bling. Black women have that "alpha male" syndrome. We tend to all flock to the same guy and the guys who could really be great husbands go over-looked and end up alone. And so do we after we realize that alpha male has been mating with the whole community. I've seen black women on many many occassions turn their noses up at a nice blue collar black man because they are stuck on social status. Good black men exist everywhere but you will not find him at the club or at the bar. He's probably at home or work like many of us so he may seem somewhat elusive but I assure you he is there.
I agree with a lot of what you said. Its great to be happy in love and to have a partner in life that treats you well. If you find a man of another race that does that for you then great, if he's black then great. Women should focus moreso on finding a good man rather than a man of a particular race.
Sistaslick
New Member
SouthernTease said:
He must've meant Southern tease.
I wouldn't really venture as far as saying most people agree with you on these points. The people who disagree tend to avoid threads like these because they always end up the exact same way, uplifting one race of man over another. 
And the race that always takes the hardest hit is the one that includes the majority of our brothers, fathers, and friends. That kinda energy isn't good for anybody, ST. SouthernTease
New Member
Have any of yall ever lived in Miami?
Miami Beach?
This is not my opinion,
it's common knowledge...
Miami Beach is overwhelmingly GAY...
and the Black population here is 3%
I rarely see a Black man and when I
do he's Gay... nothing's wrong with
being Gay... I just don't date Gay men.
Okay, then if I venture off the beach
the other Black men I meet are in
college... that's cool, but too young
for me... pro-ball players who I wouldn't
touch with a 10 foot pole b/c you know
they have reputations, or the other ones are just ghetto
I never meet regular Black Men...
so there's just more White Men to choose
from here... I'm sure some of them are gay, ghetto
blah blah blah, but since there are so
much more of them... it's easier for
me to date them. I date White men
exclusively in Miami... not really by choice, but
I'm limited in my options. Just the facts.
I don't approach men anyways...
in fact... it's rare that I meet any man
of any race that I'm interested in...
I'm picky and I'm not really worried about
finding a man or whatever blah blah
The thing about me "not getting out much"
is funny maybe I'm not where the Black people
are... perhaps... I'm open to that. I've been
here for two years and I see a Black person
like once a week.
... that's that.
Miami Beach?
This is not my opinion,
it's common knowledge...
Miami Beach is overwhelmingly GAY...
and the Black population here is 3%
I rarely see a Black man and when I
do he's Gay... nothing's wrong with
being Gay... I just don't date Gay men.
Okay, then if I venture off the beach
the other Black men I meet are in
college... that's cool, but too young
for me... pro-ball players who I wouldn't
touch with a 10 foot pole b/c you know
they have reputations, or the other ones are just ghetto
I never meet regular Black Men...
so there's just more White Men to choose
from here... I'm sure some of them are gay, ghetto
blah blah blah, but since there are so
much more of them... it's easier for
me to date them. I date White men
exclusively in Miami... not really by choice, but
I'm limited in my options. Just the facts.
I don't approach men anyways...
in fact... it's rare that I meet any man
of any race that I'm interested in...
I'm picky and I'm not really worried about
finding a man or whatever blah blah
The thing about me "not getting out much"
is funny maybe I'm not where the Black people
are... perhaps... I'm open to that. I've been
here for two years and I see a Black person
like once a week.
... that's that.
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Yes.I agree with you and with alot what Adequate said.Sistaslick said:He must've meant Southern tease.
It's just color it's cool to have your preference but don't beat the others up over it.
I wasn't approached for the longest time from blk men here in Cali and now that changed,maybe it were some vibes I was sending out.I dunno.
Anyhoo there are sucky white,asian and black men and women.
Date whoever you want for the right reasons
StrawberryQueen
Well-Known Member
Co-sign! One doesn't need to denigrate another race to uplift another. If you like white men, good for you. But don't "like/love" white folks because you think black folks are so bad. You're really showing yourself there.ella said:Yes.I agree with you and with alot what Adequate said.
It's just color it's cool to have your preference but don't beat the others up over it.
I wasn't approached for the longest time from blk men here in Cali and now that changed,maybe it were some vibes I was sending out.I dunno.
Anyhoo there are sucky white,asian and black men and women.
Date whoever you want for the right reasons
gone_fishing
New Member
SouthernTease said:
No, I've never lived in Miami but I know quite a few people from there who have had no problems finding significant others. I don't know your age or your status or exactly what you're looking for so I can't really speak on whether you are right or wrong. But, I know in general it's never helpful to stereotype an entire group of people. Stereotyping and misinformation was a huge contributor to the justification of slavery and the oppression of many other ethnicities of people in other countries. Of course, you can date whoever you like! But I think it can be done without tearing down one group of people in order to build up another.
Sites like BMV and TBM were built on this same sort of stereotype but against BLACK WOMEN. Many of their assertions (on TBM) are justified but some of the men are more extreme. If you were to visit these sites you would label them he-man black woman hating sites! BUT they are really only saying the same thing YOU are saying here. There are no good black women. They are all ghetto, hoes, or lesbians. We know that's not true! Black women know that there ARE some good ones - look at all of us...but to some black men who ONLY run across the shadey - drama filled - angry black woman - they would swear a good black woman doesn't exist. It's the same thing. You can date anyone you want. Just don't pull the wool over your own eyes.
AND to know what in particular. No matter HOW you feel about black men...even if you date a white man or an asian man or a latin man NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER bad mouth black men to them. That is a HUGE no no because it will almost certainly come back to bite your behind later. PLEASE remember that!
We are still apart of each other and nobody will ever TRULY understand us like other black men. It doesn't mean we can't love other ethnicities but there should be a respect between us. There will be issues that white men just will NEVER get. Doesn't make them bad people just means they haven't lived OUR lives. I will not step on top of a black man to climb up to a white man. I will just love who I love and that is that. In my mind I know that I could just as easily be with a great black man as a white one.
Please watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISSm41HNQFk
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UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
Yeah lots of us have been to tbm. A few intelligent men and alot of bitter ones. As I know you know, what will all that business about your pictures.
Welcome to LHCF, by the way.
Welcome to LHCF, by the way.
gone_fishing
New Member
UmSumayyah said:Yeah lots of us have been to tbm. A few intelligent men and alot of bitter ones. As I know you know, what will all that business about your pictures.
Welcome to LHCF, by the way.
Exactly, those are all deleted now by the way.
Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
adequate said:
someone said something about your pictures?
i feel so out of the loop. Welcome BTW, you've been spot on through this thread, i agree 100%
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
No, not here. One poster in particular gave her hell, H-E-L-L: about dating a white man, the content of her pictures on her myspace page, and this and that. Even encouraged other people to take her pictures and "use as they will" or something.
It's like he was trying to scare her. I mean, what did he want people to do with her pictures?
It's like he was trying to scare her. I mean, what did he want people to do with her pictures?
Radianthealth
Well-Known Member
The mods should make a sticky with all of the race threads
It's like going in circles and there are only like 10 major points that keep being repeated
It's like going in circles and there are only like 10 major points that keep being repeated
gone_fishing
New Member
UmSumayyah said:No, not here. One poster in particular gave her hell, H-E-L-L: about dating a white man, the content of her pictures on her myspace page, and this and that. Even encouraged other people to take her pictures and "use as they will" or something.
It's like he was trying to scare her. I mean, what did he want people to do with her pictures?
Long story short....they took some pictures off of my myspace page with me and my sig other and displayed them as a way to shame me for dating a white man. They said I had no business being on TBM while dating a white man. Then someone else went on to photoshop my significant other out of the pictures and place a nameless hooded k-k-k member in his place. I still have the pictures but they have all be removed from that site - with a little legal help from photobucket.com.
As a side note and to know one inparticular, if you have questions about it, you can pm me privately but I don't really want to rehash the whole thing on this board if that's ok. For the record, the owner of TBM had nothing to do with the issues I faced. There were just a few disgruntled members who wanted to punish me for disagreeing with their views and making the dating choices I made. Not to toot my own horn but I feel if I had been undesirable or ugly in some way, I don't think they wouldn't have made such an effort to embarrass me.
My SO saw the pictures as well. I wasn't going to show him, but I did because I was really upset about them at first and I needed to confide in him. His calm response to the whole thing was very reassuring. He was not phased by it at all. The sad thing is they photoshopped in this k-k-k member BUT my SO was the first one to encourage my presence on that site. He was totally supportive of me trying to learn about blackcommunity issues and our perceived ailments. Now, I know I made the right choice.
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Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
adequate said:
*gasp*
OMG - ok, i'll leave it alone.But can I add to the this point, why is it that black men, especially those on TBM, can support & defend why they don't date black women. But let a black woman date or marry a white man and they turn to that?
It's just so ironic to me
gone_fishing
New Member
SummerRain said:*gasp*
But can I add to the this point, why is it that black men, especially those on TBM, can support & defend why they don't date black women. But let a black woman date or marry a white man and they turn to that?
It's just so ironic to me
I editted a bit but I agree...there is quite a double standard.
StLucianSweetie
Well-Known Member
Exactly. They are such hypocrites. Its like they don't want black women, but nobody else can have them.SummerRain said:*gasp*
But can I add to the this point, why is it that black men, especially those on TBM, can support & defend why they don't date black women. But let a black woman date or marry a white man and they turn to that?
It's just so ironic to me
EbonynIvory
New Member
calliope said:Girl, I just wanted a man! Now, the one that God gave me happens to be white and he treats be better than I ever could have dreamed of being treated, but I will say this- the only time that I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole is when he "attempts" to dance
For a WM, my BIL can tear up the dance floor. My DH can't dance to save his life and my son takes after his father (looks like he's reacting to a bee sting or having some kind of medical emergency).
WomanlyCharm
New Member
StLucianSweetie said:Exactly. They are such hypocrites. Its like they don't want black women, but nobody else can have them.
There are some black men who'd love for us to be miserable and alone.
I've actually had a conversation with one "man" and (I use the term loosely!
) who had the nerve to tell me that because I have a good job, am educated and can do for myself that I wasn't a good match for a "real" black man. WTF? I just don't understand. 
imstush
New Member
SummerRain said:*gasp*
But can I add to the this point, why is it that black men, especially those on TBM, can support & defend why they don't date black women. But let a black woman date or marry a white man and they turn to that?
It's just so ironic to me
That's what I don't get, and even worse the men on TBM
erplexed
JewelleNY
Well-Known Member
Southern Tease, I lived in Miami for about 5 years and my sis longer and you are not off the mark, IMHOSouthernTease said:
South Beach was for partying but it is a haven for gay men and that does not have to be a bad thing but if you are single and looking for a professional brother, that may not be the spot for you. Plus, I do recall the gold tooth syndrome, that was very overwheming (please don't stone, I speak from experience )Further north in areas like Hollywood, Pembroke Pines and FL it gets much better. I dated mostly Hispanic guys in Miami. The professional BM there are limited and we were seeing the same faces at all of the events. I've talked to numerous professional BM from other areas who say they love Mimai but it is not a good place for employment at the graduate level. There just weren't many options when it came to BM down there.
Now New York has them all over the place but I just can't seem to find one for myself
erplexed 
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