Why do you/would you date outside your ‘race’?

Why do you/would you date outside your ‘race’?

  • So that my babies can have that good hair/lighter skin.

    Votes: 8 6.6%
  • Because I have Daddy issues or had bad experiences with Black men.

    Votes: 6 5.0%
  • My first crush was with a white boy and that set a precedent.

    Votes: 10 8.3%
  • Not enough eligible Black men around so I have to widen my options

    Votes: 24 19.8%
  • It was not a preference, I just happened to fall for the guy despite our differences.

    Votes: 48 39.7%
  • I'm an equal op girl, or: I'm mixed-race so dating non-Black men is not dating outside my 'race'.

    Votes: 48 39.7%
  • The idea of being with a White man makes me feel important and valued. It gives me status.

    Votes: 1 0.8%
  • I don't know. This is not something I have really thought about.

    Votes: 12 9.9%
  • I feel no connection to Black men and have never had the desire to date one.

    Votes: 9 7.4%
  • Other- please elaborate.

    Votes: 16 13.2%

  • Total voters
    121
  • Poll closed .
I have dated Korean & W/M. I am married to a B/M

To me love has no color or face but the one I love. I don't care where your from. I just want to be loved, respected and cherished. I do want him to be strong, intelligent, honest and wise. NO matter what skin color he has. I don't date based on looks either, one can't help their god given features.
 
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LOL:lol: Its really not that serious. I was always sent to magnet schools on the city that had student bodies that looked like the UN so when I came of age I saw men of all races as equals.

I like to say that I'm attracted to the race of hot gentleman and that can come in any shade lol. If he's attractive, treats me right, and shares my values, I'll be receptive to his advances and give him a chance. The men in my family stay with their wives and support their children for life so I have love my brothas and have met many wonderful BM. I think I'm likely to marry a BM but some disagree, I'm just enjoying my youth and the NYC dating scene for now, we'll see what the future holds.



Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

I agree with you!
 
Came back to answer the question. I would but honestly I would self conscious about what other ppl would be thinking it has swayed me from pursuing anything other than talking about dating them. Maybe one day I will.
 
For me it kinda... sorta.... just..... happened.....
I used to think because I'm black, love only came as a tall and sexy hunk of chocolate, but then I started thinking about it and realized it didn't matter.
I fell in love with someone who I really enjoy in every way possible.
And that's all that matters.
 
6. I am just an equal ops kinda girl. I love all men. Variety is the spice of life! Or: I am mixed-race so dating non-Black men is not dating outside my 'race'.

I still have a preference for black men, but in practice, I'm equal opportunity. I always thought I would marry a black man but over the years I've realized that it would awfully difficult to dump a non-Black guy who meets all my marriage criteria except being black. I could just choose to not date non-blacks seriously but I'm not gonna do that.

10. Other
Also, I'm a flat-chested, bad-skinned, temperamentally-attractive, registered Republican, over-analyzing, introverted, geeked-out Black Brooklynite. Realistically speaking, all those things reduce my prospects, esp as far as the Black men in my social circle and area are concerned (there are plenty of quality, attractive, smart black men right in my neighborhood and across NYC but the Conservative thing automatically brands me as undesirable in their eyes).

Trust me there are more conservative Black people then they themselves care to admit. It's like a dirty word that means racist or uncle tom when our ancestors and civil rights leaders were indeed conservative. I tend not to get along with the liberal white men myself. They tend to be the most racist and first to ask you what will you do about the baby? :look:
 
Trust me there are more conservative Black people then they themselves care to admit. It's like a dirty word that means racist or uncle tom when our ancestors and civil rights leaders were indeed conservative. I tend not to get along with the liberal white men myself. They tend to be the most racist and first to ask you what will you do about the baby? :look:

Funny you say this...but I have found that I attract the Conservative-Fox-News-Rush-Limbaugh-watch/listen white men.
 
Anywho, from my personal experience that I almost wish I could forget, IR dating and marriage is no simple concept. What most of us forget is that while we're busily falling in love and skipping across the color line, the rest of the world stilll holds firmly onto the notion that blacks are the lowest class and black women have the least social standing.


Just think about why so few BW/WM or BW/nonBM couples exist. NonBM find us less attractive as spouses than any other group of women. It's nice more of us are open to IR, but the bigger issue is that far too few men are open to us.

IR dating comes more easily for the educated, techno-savvy BW just due to her environment which is almost staunchly nonblack. Alot of us who date IR are normally in settings where we are the lone black person in a sea of other races, so we end up IR dating by default.

The huge barrier is having the relatives of your IR partners respect and accept you, this is something I have yet to truly navigate. I laughed at the posts mentioning how confused the posters were that a WM could date a BW yet still hold racist views. WM have done this ever since they found BW in Africa. F*'ing/dating you has nothing to do with respecting you as a human being. Most men see you as a piece of tail, when a man marries you and respects you, then you should expect better from him. His little head could care less what color you are in the dark. The hard part is claiming you in the sunlight in front of his clan/family. lol

I wish you all the best, but please understand that racism is just the tip of the iceberg here. You are fighting against centuries of history in this country alone. Many nonBlacks see us as beneath them (from looks to intelligence to wealth). And there's always great census data to support their stereotypes, so be ready to defend yourself and deal with attitudes that are beyond your control.


Also, consider how black features are not widely seen as attractive (4b/nappy hair, wide noses and lips, larger body frame, etc). Men marry women who have traits they want in their children and few men are willing to have a black-looking baby. Shoot, I know several women who openly admit to choosing nonBM fathers in order to have children with light skin and good hair. I doubt any of you would ever admit to it, but many BW see this as giving their children a "chance" if they have nonBM genes. Ever since slavery, an unfortunate truth has been that light skin and good hair will give you certain advantages.

Being black all over the world has so many disastrously negative connotations, so don't naively try to ignore it as you look for your colorblind knight in shining armor. Since slavery, we have been viewed world-wide as the lowest class of the entire human race. Had we not been slaves and built the world on our backs (and suffered centuries of massive injustices), we would be more respected now.


I used to think that me and my sweetie could fight against the world as long as we had each other's back, but family usually comes first. It's some Romeo and Juliet type crap that you would never believe could happen, but in real life, it's pretty cut and dry. You just KIM or wait it out and pray for a change.

God bless ladies and do your best to love wisely.

@Xerxes, I thought this was a good post, and I'm really not understanding how dealing with the facts of a situation is considered 'speaking defeat.' :ohwell: Is she lying? Since when is recognizing the potential difficulty of a given task 'speaking defeat'? Ooooh, this calculus test is gonna be hard <---- did I just jinx myself? No, I recognized all the possibilities and vowed to work harder.

It's so weird how the 'peer pressure' of this board works. People get mad co-signs for pointing out racism, choosing to be natural as a political statement, and saying black men ain't ish, but you betta not say nothing about a white man or it's :brucelee:! :lachen:
 
@Xerxes, I thought this was a good post, and I'm really not understanding how dealing with the facts of a situation is considered 'speaking defeat.' :ohwell: Is she lying? Since when is recognizing the potential difficulty of a given task 'speaking defeat'? Ooooh, this calculus test is gonna be hard <---- did I just jinx myself? No, I recognized all the possibilities and vowed to work harder.

It's so weird how the 'peer pressure' of this board works. People get mad co-signs for pointing out racism, choosing to be natural as a political statement, and saying black men ain't ish, but you betta not say nothing about a white man or it's :brucelee:! :lachen:
You know it's koombaya we are the world here. You can't say nothings about the white menz :lol:
 
@ Honey Bee, speaking for myself only, when I responded to Xerxes I didn't address her points about white men because in a sense I do believe she's right.

However:lol: my issue with her post and i'm sure it is the same issue others had is this right here:

Just think about why so few BW/WM or BW/nonBM couples exist. NonBM find us less attractive as spouses than any other group of women. It's nice more of us are open to IR, but the bigger issue is that far too few men are open to us.


the whole black women are at the bottom pole not many men want us etc etc etc got a few hackles raised including mine. It gets so old and tired especially when you (general you) keep hearing this from black men, supposed "studies":rolleyes: and numerous other online sources


I'd rather some black women stopped spreading this message, especially on a board where 99.9% of the members are black women:nono:
 
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