LOVE WHITE MEN?

[jamiss]

Re: marry and date who you want (long)

Why are people attracted to each other? I still don't know the answer.
When I was growing up, I never dated any of the black men that I knew because they only wanted to date the white women in my town. The few times that I had dates with black men was only because my mom felt bad for my 'date-free' situation and would set me up with black guys who were the sons of women she went to church with. They wanted nothing to do with me once they found out that I was going into a creative field and had no intention of being a lawyer or doctor! Believe it or not.
The whole time this was going on, I was constantly and consistently being asked out by white men. I never went out with them when they asked. I was attracted to them but my father told me that if I ever dated a white man; he would disown me and never speak to me again. (This from a man who is 1/4 white and divorced my mom when I was three months old, abandoned her and never gave her a penny to raise me)
I eventually ended up dating lots of white men once I moved to NY but never told anyone in my family so that this info wouldn't get back to my dad. I ended up falling in love with a great guy. He was a film student and I was a waitress. We were absolutely and totally made for each other and I knew that he was the one. Well I made the mistake of telling my mom and guess what? My dad didn't speak to me for eighteen years. I really took it hard because I wanted to marry this guy but emotionally I just broke down. I left town for a year and when I came back he had gotten engaged to someone. I had broken his heart and he never understood why I had stopped seeing him. Even though I had stopped seeing him my father refused to have anything to do with me. Looking back on it now, I wish that I had stayed with him. His parents were wonderful to me.
I've since married someone else and just celebrated my 11th wedding annniversary. But it turns out that my long ago ex and I ended up in the same business and ran into each other on a set. It's been twenty-five years and he told me that he thinks of me every day because he never, ever stopped loving me and married someone else to get on with his life and try to stop the pain. I couldn't believe it.
So all of this is just to say - don't waste your life like I did. If you fall in love with someone that others don't approve of; it doesn't matter. Marry them, have their kids and get on with it! I missed out on decades of a great life with a great guy because I thought that what someone else thought was more important!

Dang! Maybe we are from the same town! I started to notice from junior high on up that the black boys I went to school with wanted nothing to do with black girls (unless they were mixed and very light-skinned with long hair). I wasn't getting any dates because I was a big nerd, but even the cute popular black girls had a hard time finding dates. Since most of them were not interested in dating white guys they would often date young black military men (who were still a bit too old, but whatever). Most of the black girls of my generation who married someone black usually ended up with a military men, and when I go home I see an abundance of white and ak native women with brown babies.
When I would go to the club with mostly black friends we couldn't help but notice local black men would hardly have anything to do with us- luckily there were usually military men of all races who wanted to dance with us and buy us drinks. I remember one man in particular who was a black latino who I would see out sometimes. When I was with a couple of white girlfriends, he would talk and flirt with them and completely ignore me- he wouldn't even have a friendly convo with me. He would look at me like crap on his shoes and talk up my white friends.
It's all very odd.

 

[princessnad]

I am an equal opportunity dater. I do find, however, that a high percentage of white men that I speak to socially (as friends) are a bit racist, either maliciously or not. They feel they can say whatever to me because we are cool, but really they are just straight racist. Anyway, that makes me question dating white guys.

But then again, only the individual matters.

My SO is half Indian and half Mexican, BTW. I love him and he is the only one that matters, so I don't have to think about these kinda things anymore. We have the same ideas about race: it exists, we are NOT colorblind, but we are individual-specific. And I love him!!

 

[adf23]

When I was single I went on a few dates with white guys. No comment one way or the other- nice men, brought flowers, etc. Met DH (DH is black), got married. I never had a white boyfriend. Had any of the white guy dates progressed, I wouldnt have had problems going into an exclusive relationship- just never got that far (on my end )

 

[Valerie]

Black and white is quite boring.
Besides, my favourite colour is blue.

What about blue men?

You are so funny.

 

[Valerie]

I'm reposting this from another thread:

I haven't been here long enough to know who is in what clique. I know there are always some on forums. I do not know who is whose friend and who is whose enemies and i'm not trying to spark any flames here so please no one take offense at anything I've said.

No, I don't think any race of men treat their women better. I think it's about individuality and upbringing in general. Some might say that our black family unit is in crisis and therefore a lot of black men were not raised to know how to be men while MORE (not all by any means) white males and even asian males had that traditional family setting and because of that, they grew up knowing and understanding relationships and how they function. Because of socio-economics and their different upbringing one could argue that in THEIR experience white men have treated them better (probably because those white men had a more healthy family background.) IT IS NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE BETTER. IT'S BECAUSE FATE DEALT THEM A DIFFERENT HAND.

Now there are plenty of black families who are thriving so I don't deny that. But you have to admit there are a lot of LOST black men and women who don't really understand their roles in a relationships because they never had a healthy model. For that reason it might seem that it's because a man's skin is white that he treats you better but in reality it's probably just because he had a healthy family unit. A black man with a healthy family background could give you the exact same quality relationship. Unfortunately, however, in today's society black men who come from healthy family backgrounds can be hard to find but it's certainly not impossible so long as you aren't only looking for the pro-athlete or celebrity status alpha male. Black women who come from healthy family backgrounds are hard to find as well.

Once we begin to work on our black female/ black male issue things will get better for everyone involved. But that is a movement better left for someone who is more experienced in anthropology and that is certainly not me.

I should say also that there are SOME black men and women who may have had a very dysfunctional upbringing but were able to overcome it and they are not "damaged" in the emotional and mental sense of the word. Unfortunately, there are many who will never leave that "ghetto" mentality for a better life.

However, ladies, if you go into a relationship expecing that this "white man" is going to treat you better - be careful because you won't be prepared when you get blind-sided by stereotypical non-race specific male wishy washy behavior very reminiscent of a situation a black man may have put you through. NEVER FORGET THEY ARE ALL STILL MEN.

There are a lot of white men who just want to try you out. I've dealt with this before although luckily I didn't get sucked in. It was obvious he just wanted to see what being with a black woman was like and I was not going to participate in that. It sounds vulgar but there are a lot of white men who would love to have sex with you but would never ever dream of marrying you. Talk about a fetish!

Don't put any group of men in general on a pedestal. That gives them to much room to stomp on you. Rather, find a good man (any GOOD man regardless of color) that treats you right and treat HIM like he deserves to be treated - not because he's WHITE or ASIAN but because he is HIM and he makes you a better person.

I hope that makes sense.

What you say makes sense, although I do find white men very attractive, you also have to be careful of the type of men. Some of them what You just to try you out for their sexual fantasies and that is not a good basis for any relationship. You really need to talk to them, hear their conversation and observe them, listen to what they say, many of us women are not good listeners, make sure he is a very good friend, before he becomes more.

 

[AfroKink]

I am an equal opportunity dater. I do find, however, that a high percentage of white men that I speak to socially (as friends) are a bit racist, either maliciously or not. They feel they can say whatever to me because we are cool, but really they are just straight racist. Anyway, that makes me question dating white guys.

But then again, only the individual matters.

My SO is half Indian and half Mexican, BTW. I love him and he is the only one that matters, so I don't have to think about these kinda things anymore. We have the same ideas about race: it exists, we are NOT colorblind, but we are individual-specific. And I love him!!

This is what makes me weary of white men. Too many of the ones that approach me have racist tendencies.

Lys

 

[darkangel25]

I am an equal opportunity dater. I do find, however, that a high percentage of white men that I speak to socially (as friends) are a bit racist, either maliciously or not. They feel they can say whatever to me because we are cool, but really they are just straight racist. Anyway, that makes me question dating white guys.

Yeah, I found this out about one that I dated.

 

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

A man is a man is a man....I mean really. Please I've met racists of all backgrounds, black, white, latino, Asian, you name it. My point being racism exists despite the color of your skin. I know many many accomplished and intelligent black men....many they have their acts together, and aren't out there doggying/bashing black women. I know some of them have been dogged and bashed by black women. I know I live in a city rife with black men on the the down-low or just out and out gay. I know many black men that are women bashers, that are unaccomplished and unwilling to take care of their responsibilities. I know white and hispanic men just like both of the above I have described. It has been my experience that MEN will use a woman if that is what they are after whether for an experiment or just to get laid and so will women. I know women that will use a man for what he has and what he can give her, I know women who will give up everything they have to keep their man or to make them happy.

People are beautiful and they are flawed - this is because people are not perfect. If we were we'd all be angels and this world would be heaven. The truth is you have to seek your happiness where you can find it - if you are happy with black men white men, women, blue men, etc. This is your choice. I was raised to believe you can have anything you want in the world if you really want it. I don't understand why people choose to discriminate on such a broad class as race which isn't even a scientific construct - it is a social one. I'd be happy just to find someone that loves me for me IF that person comes along but I won't be waiting around wondering about it either - too many other fish to fry. Just my thoughts on the matter .

 

[belleama]

Yet you speak as if your base your judgements on years of experience in dating Black men.....

I base my experience on years of knowing black men. Something has to be said for learning from other people's mistakes..

But I am curious now at your apparent hostility. Would it have made you feel better if I said a quarter of my boyfriends had been black? I know thats got to be much more impressive than saying one...

 

[missjones]

I think some of them are attractive, but I honestly don't think I would date a white man.

 

[PatTodd]

Deleted. I really have nothing to add. erplexed

 

[Social.Buttahfly]

Sometimes I feel like this forum has a weird fixation on bagging a white man. I'm still relatively new here though so whatever.

Since I started semi-posting here I definitely feel that. It's not an accomplishment nor is it hard to date a non-Black man but this is the feeling I get from a lot of posters.

The sad thing is that the girls that I know who are dating black guys are not being treated like this.

Being treated with respect has nothing to do with race.erplexed

 

[MissMasala5]

I was once married to a white man. I didn't think of him in terms of race, but this was not mutual. Where he's from, getting with a person of color is esteemed unlike here in the US. But it was still a form of racism all the same. Instead of hating, it was loving, but just because I was black. He gave a whole new meaning to the term "trophy wife".

 

[WomanlyCharm]

I was once married to a white man. I didn't think of him in terms of race, but this was not mutual. Where he's from, getting with a person of color is esteemed unlike here in the US. But it was still a form of racism all the same. Instead of hating, it was loving, but just because I was black. He gave a whole new meaning to the term "trophy wife".

I've encountered a situation like this myself...I was dating a man from Germany, and apparently, many of his countrymen are wild over AA women. For him, dating me was like winning a prize or something. It was a little strange...is this some sort of European phenomenon?

If you don't mind my asking, where was your ex from?

 

[PinkPeony]

I've encountered a situation like this myself...I was dating a man from Germany, and apparently, many of his countrymen are wild over AA women. For him, dating me was like winning a prize or something. It was a little strange...is this some sort of European phenomenon?

If you don't mind my asking, where was your ex from?

Yes it is.
That's why I hardly dated European men b/c to most of them I was a trophy,German man like to marry African or Latin women.It is very similar to the Asian fetish white man have here.

 

[MissMasala5]

I've encountered a situation like this myself...I was dating a man from Germany, and apparently, many of his countrymen are wild over AA women. For him, dating me was like winning a prize or something. It was a little strange...is this some sort of European phenomenon?

If you don't mind my asking, where was your ex from?

Switzerland.

 

[MissMasala5]

I think it's a different thing when it's a white man that is from the US. Europeans don't really get the whole racism thing that we have here. I mean, they are aware of it, but didn't really live it, and didn't have it ingrained upon their psyches like Americans do. A US white man, OTOH, has all that history and our culture to contend with, plus the stereotypes, racism, and even classism. So when I see an American white man with a Black woman, I feel differently. I feel hopeful. When it's a European man, I feel erplexed. Not that all of them have jungle fever, as I am sure some are purely genuine in their love for the woman they choose. But the ones I have seen? It's sooooo obvious! So women, if you ever want to truly feel the kind of power we can have over a man, take a trip to Europe!

 

[drasgrl]

I'm not attracted to white guys in general. I did have a long term relationship with a white guy. I always said that was a fluke. I had a serious crush on an Australian dude I knew. It just depends but in general nah.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I was once married to a white man. I didn't think of him in terms of race, but this was not mutual. Where he's from, getting with a person of color is esteemed unlike here in the US. But it was still a form of racism all the same. Instead of hating, it was loving, but just because I was black. He gave a whole new meaning to the term "trophy wife".

It's a good thing you followed with info as to where your ex was from, otherwise your inbox may have been broken in the stampede.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

It's a good thing you followed with info as to where your ex was from, otherwise your inbox may have been broken in the stampede.

 

[Social.Buttahfly]

It's a good thing you followed with info as to where your ex was from, otherwise your inbox may have been broken in the stampede.

 

[shelly25]

I think some of them are attractive, but I honestly don't think I would date a white man.

Same here....

 

[healthynhappy]

I think it's a different thing when it's a white man that is from the US. Europeans don't really get the whole racism thing that we have here. I mean, they are aware of it, but didn't really live it, and didn't have it ingrained upon their psyches like Americans do. A US white man, OTOH, has all that history and our culture to contend with, plus the stereotypes, racism, and even classism. So when I see an American white man with a Black woman, I feel differently. I feel hopeful. When it's a European man, I feel erplexed. Not that all of them have jungle fever, as I am sure some are purely genuine in their love for the woman they choose. But the ones I have seen? It's sooooo obvious! So women, if you ever want to truly feel the kind of power we can have over a man, take a trip to Europe!

So this explains what happened to DH and I a few months ago in New York.

We were having a drink at a bar in a restaurant, and there were 3 very blonde white guys sitting across from us. They were speaking another language. We later found out they were from Sweden.

These guys were so "in awe" of me, that they were sneaking and taking pictures of me. They even went as far as to stand behind DH and I and pose while their friends secretly snapped photos. When DH went to the bathroom, they ran over to me and was asking a lot of questions and telling me how beautiful they thought I was. When DH came back, they ran back to their seats.

It was so embarrassing because everyone at the bar was looking at me trying to figure out if I was some kind of star or something.

I told DH, let's get out of here. After we left, I told him what they did. I should have known better. He went running back to the restaurant in a rage. Thank God they were gone.

I found it really unnerving to be the object of that kind of attention, especially from very white, blonde haired blue eyed men.

I didn't like it.

 

[Valerie]

So this explains what happened to DH and I a few months ago in New York.

We were having a drink at a bar in a restaurant, and there were 3 very blonde white guys sitting across from us. They were speaking another language. We later found out they were from Sweden.

These guys were so "in awe" of me, that they were sneaking and taking pictures of me. They even went as far as to stand behind DH and I and pose while their friends secretly snapped photos. When DH went to the bathroom, they ran over to me and was asking a lot of questions and telling me how beautiful they thought I was. When DH came back, they ran back to their seats.

It was so embarrassing because everyone at the bar was looking at me trying to figure out if I was some kind of star or something.

I told DH, let's get out of here. After we left, I told him what they did. I should have known better. He went running back to the restaurant in a rage. Thank God they were gone.

I found it really unnerving to be the object of that kind of attention, especially from very white, blonde haired blue eyed men.

I didn't like it.

I think that we have never been made to feel beautiful, the media has always seen as Aunt Jemmina types, for a long time or sexual, jungle, we are now black women are openly being recognised as beautiful, there seemed to be an almost crazed obession, where it is very difficult to pick people who are geniune or are frauds and we so have to be careful. There seems to be a fine thing between admiring someone who is beautiful and having a fetish about them. This behaviour is not really surprising, if you look in the History in the Roman times, they too were obessed with African people and they were constantly making statues of them, they wrote poems about their skin and their hair. Plus, I discovered there was a 'house of marriage' in Pompei 77BC, this was marriage between black men and white women. It was two years ago on a programme about Pompei being destroyed by a volcano and all the different buildings the scientists were able to uncover after thousands of years. Nothing has really changed!

 

[clmacky]

For women who are interested in dating white guys. This website (free) was posted on blog I was looking at (in the comment section): http://wmbwdatingout.ning.com

Have fun.

 

[CheLala13]

I've always talked to black guys and my curret SO is black but some white boys, wow! I really just want to get with. I have serious crushes on some white celebs like Zac Efron & Paul Walker! Such cuties.

 

[mnemosyne]

I've always talked to black guys and my curret SO is black but some white boys, wow! I really just want to get with. I have serious crushes on some white celebs like Zac Efron & Paul Walker! Such cuties.

Is that the one Perez Hilton calls Zaquisha? He's too pretty pretty for me.

 

[CheLala13]

Haha, yep. That's the one.

Is that the one Perez Hilton calls Zaquisha? He's too pretty pretty for me.

 

[SoCalli]

I've always talked to black guys and my curret SO is black but some white boys, wow! I really just want to get with. I have serious crushes on some white celebs like Zac Efron & Paul Walker! Such cuties.

Paul Walker is my ultimate crush.

 

[chicacanella]

I was just curious to see how
many ladies here are into
White Men. I used to date
only Black men, would never
touch a White man with a 10 foot
pole, but now I luv them...

I don't think it is wrong to have preferences. Sometimes, I think, "Is my preference racist?" I don't think so because if I happen to find a man who is not my preference but everything else is what I want in a man, I wouldn't mind dating white. So that is why I don't think it is racist but if you say I will never date xyz because of their race, then that is racist.