Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

I know some of you are thinking who is this woman because it's been so long since I've been an active participant in this thread. Ladies, I've been on a quest. I started on this journey about four years ago because I wasn't feeling fulfilled in my marriage. I wanted to change my husband but had no idea how much this journey would change me.
For you ladies reading this thread and wondering if this stuff works- let me emphatically say that it does. There is no one path to getting there. So many great resources have been posted and over the last few years I've slowly assimilated many small changes that collectively have shifted how I view the world and resulted in more happiness and less stress for me.
I now have a growing understanding of how to communicate with the opposite sex and how to be more feminine. I wanted to come on today to recommend a course that did a great deal to bring it all together for me. It's a course on Fascinating Womanhood by a lady named Cynthia Berenger. while it is geared towards married women, I think anyone interested in a long term relationship would benefit. It costs $40 but I would not hesitate to purchase again. I have gone through the course once but plan to do so again. Her voice is a bit coma inducing but the information was really good. I thought I would see if anyone here is interested so that I can have some company:) Here is the course information: https://fwclass.wixsite.com/cynthiaberenger/classes
 
nerdography said:
I need to re-read this thread. I started back in 2015, but I allowed my mother to influence me to stop. When I told her I was reading this thread and working on my femininity, she told me it was stupid and there was nothing feminine about me. Despite the fact that people have described me as proper and dainty.

So, this time around I'm going to do it and not tell anybody.
Click to expand...

Whaaaa??? Wow.... :ohwell:

I'm so sorry your mom said this to you. :nono: Is there a reason behind why she feels this way?

Even if it were true (which I highly doubt it is), I just can't imagine a mother blatantly saying such a thing to their daughter.... :ohwell:
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Whaaaa??? Wow.... :ohwell:

I'm so sorry your mom said this to you. :nono: Is there a reason behind why she feels this way?

Even if it were true (which I highly doubt it is), I just can't imagine a mother blatantly saying such a thing to their daughter.... :ohwell:
Click to expand...

I don't know. All I know is there's something about my mother that's not quite right. I have a sneaking suspicion that she might be a narcissist. She's dismissive of my feelings, she invalidating, and has a bit of a mean streak. If something offends her, then it offends me too, and if I don't agree with her, she gets defensive. One minute she'll tell me I'm pretty and then will turn around and criticize me. For example, she said to me "It's amazing how confident you are despite your weight." And she constantly tells me that no man will want me.

I remember when I was in my early 20s I noticed that men like to help and they get upset if they can't, and I told my mother this. When I told her of this observation, she told me I was stupid for making myself weak to make a man feel good about himself. I told her I didn't see it that way. If I'm carrying a heavy box and a man offers to help, I let him help. She gave me the look she always gives me when she's upset that I don't agree with her.
tumblr_inline_mjeysqHLoS1qz4rgp.gif

I just realized that my mother criticizes anything that would make me more attractive to men :(
 
I too am reading Fascinating Womanhood.
IMHO, it's not a book your breeze through and say you read it. It has to be studied, and applied. I have participated in a class as well and I'm reading it again. My mentor suggested I study for at least six months.
It's no easy task, but the rewards of a happy life with my husband is worth the peace and investment.
 
guyaneseyankee said:
I too am reading Fascinating Womanhood.
IMHO, it's not a book your breeze through and say you read it. It has to be studied, and applied. I have participated in a class as well and I'm reading it again. My mentor suggested I study for at least six months.
It's no easy task, but the rewards of a happy life with my husband is worth the peace and investment.
Click to expand...


Yes to all of this. I am giving myself all of 2017 to study up on femininity and marriage. Cheers!
 
Im glad to see Cynthia has a somewhat updated website. I took her course years ago out of curiosity. I still have the materials somewhere but I didn't follow along with the lessons as good as I should've. I asked my mom if she remembers these books from when she was a newlywed and she didn't but she did remember reading a book called "how to be an officer's wife." My dad was in the army when they got married. She said that the other wives got together over tea to discuss the chapters.
 
nerdography said:
I don't know. All I know is there's something about my mother that's not quite right. I have a sneaking suspicion that she might be a narcissist. She's dismissive of my feelings, she invalidating, and has a bit of a mean streak. If something offends her, then it offends me too, and if I don't agree with her, she gets defensive. One minute she'll tell me I'm pretty and then will turn around and criticize me. For example, she said to me "It's amazing how confident you are despite your weight." And she constantly tells me that no man will want me.

I remember when I was in my early 20s I noticed that men like to help and they get upset if they can't, and I told my mother this. When I told her of this observation, she told me I was stupid for making myself weak to make a man feel good about himself. I told her I didn't see it that way. If I'm carrying a heavy box and a man offers to help, I let him help. She gave me the look she always gives me when she's upset that I don't agree with her.
tumblr_inline_mjeysqHLoS1qz4rgp.gif

I just realized that my mother criticizes anything that would make me more attractive to men :(
Click to expand...
:imsorry: :bighug:

I'm sorry that your mother doesn't seem to want to help you be the best you possible and that she seems to want to sabotage you. You might have to keep any revelations to yourself or find a mentor who is open to encouraging you on this journey.
 
guyaneseyankee said:
I too am reading Fascinating Womanhood.
IMHO, it's not a book your breeze through and say you read it. It has to be studied, and applied. I have participated in a class as well and I'm reading it again. My mentor suggested I study for at least six months.
It's no easy task, but the rewards of a happy life with my husband is worth the peace and investment.
Click to expand...
Absolutely! I have been applying the principles as best as I can. It definitely takes some practice, and getting used to.

TracyNicole said:
Ladies, it sounds like a few of us are studying Fascinating Womanhood. If no one is interested in the guided course, might anyone be up for a study group?
Click to expand...
I'm in for that!
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Whaaaa??? Wow.... :ohwell:

I'm so sorry your mom said this to you. :nono: Is there a reason behind why she feels this way?

Even if it were true (which I highly doubt it is), I just can't imagine a mother blatantly saying such a thing to their daughter.... :ohwell:
Click to expand...

Some mothers can't stand to see their daughters shine. @nerdography Have you read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend? It will help you to better deal with your mom and her unfortunate behavior.
 
Ok. So I understand the benefits and reasoning behind the techniques of FW, but my challenge is trying (or even wanting) to practice it when he is getting on my nerves. What to do?
 
ArrrBeee said:
Some mothers can't stand to see their daughters shine. @nerdography Have you read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend? It will help you to better deal with your mom and her unfortunate behavior.
Click to expand...

Sorry, I didn't respond sooner. I've read the first chapter and it really resonates with me. I've never had boundaries and when I try to set them up, they are always dismissed. Thank you for the recommendation.
 
nerdography said:
I need to re-read this thread. I started back in 2015, but I allowed my mother to influence me to stop. When I told her I was reading this thread and working on my femininity, she told me it was stupid and there was nothing feminine about me. Despite the fact that people have described me as proper and dainty.

So, this time around I'm going to do it and not tell anybody.
Click to expand...
Your mother's a narcissist. Mine is too so I'm keenly aware of them thanks to her. It sucks when you yearn to have that closeness with your mom but she keeps hurting you or at best giving you mixed signals. A great book that has helped me tremendously is: Will I ever be good enough: healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers by Karyl McBride. I re-read it last week because I needed a refresher after my mom tried to embarrass me in public. She started criticizing what I wore to a party we both attended. When that didn't work then she started criticizing my body, and my collarbones :spinning:. It got so bad that people at the party were defending me... from my own mother!! As much as that experience hurt, I'm grateful it happened because I will never take anything she says about me seriously ever again. I'm free! :bdance: Her approval means nothing because it's coming from such a distorted place.
 
Kimbosheart said:
So are we doing a study group? I'm up to do it again. Her other courses are interesting too. Did we ever make a master list of resources for this group?
Click to expand...
Do you mind sharing which courses you liked and why? I definitely think we should decide how we would like to move forward with our study. Although I enjoyed the ecourse I would like to be able to discuss with women of a similar background. I'm not sure if we have a list but if we do, we should update.
 
caribeandiva said:
Your mother's a narcissist. Mine is too so I'm keenly aware of them thanks to her. It sucks when you yearn to have that closeness with your mom but she keeps hurting you or at best giving you mixed signals. A great book that has helped me tremendously is: Will I ever be good enough: healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers by Karyl McBride. I re-read it last week because I needed a refresher after my mom tried to embarrass me in public. She started criticizing what I wore to a party we both attended. When that didn't work then she started criticizing my body, and my collarbones :spinning:. It got so bad that people at the party were defending me... from my own mother!! As much as that experience hurt, I'm grateful it happened because I will never take anything she says about me seriously ever again. I'm free! :bdance: Her approval means nothing because it's coming from such a distorted place.
Click to expand...

That book is on my reading list, I'm currently reading Running On Empty by Jonice Webb. I keep seeing my mother in the examples given. It's taking me a while to get through it, because I need to keep taking breaks to process. I'm at a place where I've acknowledged it, but I don't don't want to accept it.

I think I'm still holding out that the bond will eventually happen, but I think I'm slowly accepting that it won't. I remember one time I was talking about getting married and mentioned us going dress shopping. She told me she wasn't interested in going. She already dress shopped once for her wedding , why would she want to do it again. So, I think that pretty much sums up how she feels about me.

I'm sorry your mom acted like that, but luckily there were people to defend you and to see her for who she is. I'm sure that made her mad, because she felt she didn't do anything wrong :nono:
 
nerdography said:
That book is on my reading list, I'm currently reading Running On Empty by Jonice Webb. I keep seeing my mother in the examples given. It's taking me a while to get through it, because I need to keep taking breaks to process. I'm at a place where I've acknowledged it, but I don't don't want to accept it.

I think I'm still holding out that the bond will eventually happen, but I think I'm slowly accepting that it won't. I remember one time I was talking about getting married and mentioned us going dress shopping. She told me she wasn't interested in going. She already dress shopped once for her wedding , why would she want to do it again. So, I think that pretty much sums up how she feels about me.

I'm sorry your mom acted like that, but luckily there were people to defend you and to see her for who she is. I'm sure that made her mad, because she felt she didn't do anything wrong :nono:
Click to expand...
:bighug::bighug::bighug:
The reality checks are hard to process and accept. I've been there myself. Do you have other women in your life that could serve as maternal figures? It sounds like you will not get what you want from your mom, which sucks.

@caribeandiva

I'm sorry your mom treated you that way. It's a reflection of her, not you. I'm glad you've moved to a place of freedom.
 
TracyNicole said:
Do you mind sharing which courses you liked and why? I definitely think we should decide how we would like to move forward with our study. Although I enjoyed the ecourse I would like to be able to discuss with women of a similar background. I'm not sure if we have a list but if we do, we should update.
Click to expand...

I think there are 2 diverging lanes of study, A. Path to Femininity and B. Wife School. Some of the sources we've mentioned here are about how to be fully feminine with your man to the end goal of having an ideal relationship. While other sources are more about practices to enhance your femininity as the end goal and not as it relates to an ideal relationship. For example, learning how to receive is about enhancing your feminine energy and learning how to receive and show appreciation is about enhancing your femininity to improve your relationship. So here is my review of my favorites and where I think they fall.

Femininity to enhance your relationship:
- Anything Alison Armstrong - you learn how to be feminine by understanding the masculine; while she does give practical suggestions, this is more about understanding the context of men's actions so that you can respond to them better and in turn receive a favorable result in your communications and interactions

- Fascinating Womanhood - The idea is that you need to get to a mentally and physically healthy place so that you have the energy and desire to do respond to men in a certain way. This is universal advice.

- The Total Woman - a quick, Christian rehashing of fascinating womanhood. Even though it was written in the 70's, I like that it is very practical and tactical about how to achieve an ideal relationship. Nothing is hidden in metaphors in this book.

How to be more womanly:
- Simply feminine- she gives a primer on feminine essence through the eyes of a man and how it harms you by not honoring it if you are called. While she didn't say anything new, I like that her take on the book was your own happiness and while it may help your relationships, it really just helps you. She also gives tactical advice on how to enhance your femininity in various ways in the second portion of the book. Like a checklist of specific actions you can take to up the feminine vibe that aren't overly new-agey like some others we have read.

- Things will get as good as you can stand - the essence of femininity is receiving and this book nails the point home. It's a bit too long but definitely read through as much as possible because it really goes through all the ways modern women don't receive and once we start receiving and knowing how to turn away the right things you really step into that feminine essence. I will say I'm trying this and already things are getting easier. (interestingly enough that leads to the first few points of Fascinating Womanhood - getting myself together helps me show up better for all the people in my life. Not receiving makes more work for me)
 
Kimbosheart said:
I think there are 2 diverging lanes of study, A. Path to Femininity and B. Wife School. Some of the sources we've mentioned here are about how to be fully feminine with your man to the end goal of having an ideal relationship. While other sources are more about practices to enhance your femininity as the end goal and not as it relates to an ideal relationship. For example, learning how to receive is about enhancing your feminine energy and learning how to receive and show appreciation is about enhancing your femininity to improve your relationship. So here is my review of my favorites and where I think they fall.

Femininity to enhance your relationship:
- Anything Alison Armstrong - you learn how to be feminine by understanding the masculine; while she does give practical suggestions, this is more about understanding the context of men's actions so that you can respond to them better and in turn receive a favorable result in your communications and interactions

- Fascinating Womanhood - The idea is that you need to get to a mentally and physically healthy place so that you have the energy and desire to do respond to men in a certain way. This is universal advice.

- The Total Woman - a quick, Christian rehashing of fascinating womanhood. Even though it was written in the 70's, I like that it is very practical and tactical about how to achieve an ideal relationship. Nothing is hidden in metaphors in this book.

How to be more womanly:
- Simply feminine- she gives a primer on feminine essence through the eyes of a man and how it harms you by not honoring it if you are called. While she didn't say anything new, I like that her take on the book was your own happiness and while it may help your relationships, it really just helps you. She also gives tactical advice on how to enhance your femininity in various ways in the second portion of the book. Like a checklist of specific actions you can take to up the feminine vibe that aren't overly new-agey like some others we have read.

- Things will get as good as you can stand - the essence of femininity is receiving and this book nails the point home. It's a bit too long but definitely read through as much as possible because it really goes through all the ways modern women don't receive and once we start receiving and knowing how to turn away the right things you really step into that feminine essence. I will say I'm trying this and already things are getting easier. (interestingly enough that leads to the first few points of Fascinating Womanhood - getting myself together helps me show up better for all the people in my life. Not receiving makes more work for me)
Click to expand...

I mostly lurk in here but thanks so much!
 
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