Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

[caribeandiva]

Ladies, where are y'all buying feminine silhouettes online (because I hate shopping in stores )?? I don't buy any black clothes anymore, no matter how slimming LOL. One piece of advice I read in The FW is that women need to emphasize the difference between themselves and men so there is a clear masculine/feminine contrast. That means dresses/skirts instead of pants, colorful prints (florals, polka dots) instead of solids, color instead of black, and any whimsical trim (lace, bows, etc). I realize I was wearing a lot of dresses but they could still be more eye-popping and feminine. Really looking for A line or fit/flare silhouettes instead of straight line/sheath silhouettes.

I don't know. I love shopping in stores. I say visit some bloggers whose style you like and see where they shop. Oh I remember. I love www.venus.com dresses!

 

[caribeandiva]

I really enjoyed this video:

-Men take their cues from what you do.
-Be inviting (drop a hanky)
-Create opportunities for him to respond to our invitation
-Create opportunities for a man to do for us
-Add more beauty/femininity to your life (flowers, scented candle, etc)
-Be vulnerable --> creates connection

Thoughts? (particularly on the 2nd point)

To me the easiest way to drop a hanky is to make eye contact and smile or say hello. If he doesn't take it from there then I move on. No worries.

 

[classychic1908]

Ladies, where are y'all buying feminine silhouettes online (because I hate shopping in stores )?? I don't buy any black clothes anymore, no matter how slimming LOL. One piece of advice I read in The FW is that women need to emphasize the difference between themselves and men so there is a clear masculine/feminine contrast. That means dresses/skirts instead of pants, colorful prints (florals, polka dots) instead of solids, color instead of black, and any whimsical trim (lace, bows, etc). I realize I was wearing a lot of dresses but they could still be more eye-popping and feminine. Really looking for A line or fit/flare silhouettes instead of straight line/sheath silhouettes.

This site has some lovely dresses with custom options!

http://www.eshakti.com/default.aspx

 

[momi]

This site has some lovely dresses with custom options!

http://www.eshakti.com/default.aspx

I've ordered two dresses from them and they fit perfectly. I was concerned about the quality but they did not dissapoint.

Just make sure you order according to your measurements vs. your normal size.

 

[sharifeh]

I know this post is old but what you're saying is really interesting because I retained better relaxed than natural and I'm thinking of relaxing again...

@Crystalicequeen123 I've noticed your comments about this in other threads. I think a few things may be going on here.

1. Straight hair may be more flattering for you and to you. Notice I said "more" it doesn't mean you looked anywhere near bad with it natural but straight may just be "more".

2. It's all in your head (this is my bet). You are creating the reality you are currently experiencing. Meaning there may be a negligible difference in your appearance straight or natural but you feel more confident, radiant and beautiful with it straight as that aligns with your ideals of your own beauty. People are responding to that confidence and you are taking note of those responses. Similar to when you buy a red ford mustang, all you see on the road is red ford mustangs.

I think one of the downfalls of any massive trend is that sometimes we follow, when that might not be best for us. Why did you go natural? How is that goal working out for you? Is the tradeoff of achieving that goal worth the slight loss of confidence?

One of our sources listed mentioned that it is highly feminine to want to be noticed. I think there is nothing wrong with having to take more effort to keep your hair healthy and relaxed if it means that your natural desire for compliments is satisfied.

Either way, straight or natural, I bet you are a stunner in person

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Feminine belles: how do you show appreciation to a man? What does that look like (words and actions)?

 

[caribeandiva]

Feminine belles: how do you show appreciation to a man? What does that look like (words and actions)?

For me I make sure I do around other people as much as possible. I think him for providing what I asked him or didn't have to ask him to do and make sure to focus on his masculinity. Something like: "Thanks babe for getting my car fixed for me while I was work. You're really good with cars. You're always looking out for me and trying to protect me. I really appreciate it."

 

[Belle Du Jour]

For me I make sure I do around other people as much as possible. I think him for providing what I asked him or didn't have to ask him to do and make sure to focus on his masculinity. Something like: "Thanks babe for getting my car fixed for me while I was work. You're really good with cars. You're always looking out for me and trying to protect me. I really appreciate it."

Yeah I definitely try to notice when he does something I didn't ask for, even if it's really small, and say thanks

 

[Bad&Bougee]

I know this post is old but what you're saying is really interesting because I retained better relaxed than natural and I'm thinking of relaxing again...

Me too! I'd been relaxed for 23 years so I had more experience being relaxed. When I went natural, I think I failed because I still wanted to maintain the same hair care routine as I did when relaxed. And my hair was so finicky as a natural - it would like a product one day and act a fool with that same product the next. I have gotten too old and my patience are too far gone to be fighting hair from week to week. I texlaxed my hair a few days ago (not on purpose - these 4B kinks and coils would not break down without exceeding the maximum time) and I am ready for Round 2!

 

[Kimbosheart]

The best thing I did in 2016 was to start going to my hair stylist every week for a blow dry and flat iron. I'm fully natural, I can come in with it D.C.'d already or she will wash it. But I have beautiful hair every weekend with no hassle on my life. My hair has grown so much and it's healthy with no heat damage. And it's one less thing on my mind.

I really believe the presence of trust and vulnerability, the essence of being receptive are the keys to femininity. So anything that makes your life easier and more carefree as well as boost your confidence are worth the money.

 

[caribeandiva]

I really believe the presence of trust and vulnerability, the essence of being receptive are the keys to femininity. So anything that makes your life easier and more carefree as well as boost your confidence are worth the money.

I never thought of it like that but it makes sense. I too have been wearing my hair straight as a natural. I wore it in wash and gos religiously for 3 years straight and it caused me massive setbacks. Stuck in hair purgatory (between SL and APL). Lesson learned. My hair thrives when it's straight because I have a lot less tangles. Heat damage was my main concern but now I don't care. I know I'll be fine. And long hair looks better on me. Short hair ages me.

 

[Bad&Bougee]

I am fascinated by your last comment; everyone is so different. You say short hair ages you. That is different for everyone and I wonder why. Is it face shape, facial features, the hairstyle itself......? I am far more youthful with short hair. Interesting comment - thank you.

 

[caribeandiva]

I am fascinated by your last comment; everyone is so different. You say short hair ages you. That is different for everyone and I wonder why. Is it face shape, facial features, the hairstyle itself......? I am far more youthful with short hair. Interesting comment - thank you.

I don't think it's my face shape because I have an oval face so I can pull off any hairstyle honestly. I discovered that I looked older with short hair when I started wearing wigs. I went to a hair store and tried on a lot different wigs of varying lengths. I still love cute pixie cuts. I rocked the heck out of my TWA when I BCed after transitioning for 3 months! I still look good with short hair but it makes me look older. Weird huh?

 

[Bad&Bougee]

I don't think it's my face shape because I have an oval face so I can pull off any hairstyle honestly. I discovered that I looked older with short hair when I started wearing wigs. I went to a hair store and tried on a lot different wigs of varying lengths. I still love cute pixie cuts. I rocked the heck out of my TWA when I BCed after transitioning for 3 months! I still look good with short hair but it makes me look older. Weird huh?

Not really . The Lord made each of us with idiosyncrasies that make us especially beautiful in our own special way.

Oval faces can pull off any hairstyle and be beautiful - you are so lucky!

 

[caribeandiva]

Not really . The Lord made each of us with idiosyncrasies that make us especially beautiful in our own special way.

Oval faces can pull off any hairstyle and be beautiful - you are so lucky!

Thank you!

 

[smores]

This site has some lovely dresses with custom options!

http://www.eshakti.com/default.aspx

You are the real MVP!!!

 

[classychic1908]

You are the real MVP!!!

Why thank you darling!

 

[classychic1908]

Feminine belles: how do you show appreciation to a man? What does that look like (words and actions)?

I need ideas for how to show public appreciation, when we are not frequently in the company of other people. I'm also not into social media.

 

[levette]

Spinoff.. how do we help our younger girls ranging up to the 20s to be more feminine . I see some more young girls who at times look masculine and some refuse to wear skirts dresses or even fix their hair. I know it's a trend but it's like they have no motivation to look cute anymore

 

[phynestone]

@levette

I wonder if it's a sign of changing times or how they were raised. I know of several people who attended charm school, were debutantes, but perhaps workshops could help. There were many women I knew who were good at presenting themselves well and I watched them closely for tips and sometimes just asked where they shopped. Others were put off and would be really rude to me. What about etiquette books?

 

[levette]

@levette

I wonder if it's a sign of changing times or how they were raised. I know of several people who attended charm school, were debutantes, but perhaps workshops could help. There were many women I knew who were good at presenting themselves well and I watched them closely for tips and sometimes just asked where they shopped. Others were put off and would be really rude to me. What about etiquette books?

I need etiquette books

 

[onyxdreams]

@levette

I wonder if it's a sign of changing times or how they were raised. I know of several people who attended charm school, were debutantes, but perhaps workshops could help. There were many women I knew who were good at presenting themselves well and I watched them closely for tips and sometimes just asked where they shopped. Others were put off and would be really rude to me. What about etiquette books?

What were some of the tips you picked up?

 

[phynestone]

I need etiquette books

Emily Post's 19th edition of Etiquette
Basic Black by Karen Grigsby Bates and Karen Hudson
How to be by Harriette Cole

The latter two were written by black women and include information such as the right protocol to indicate interest in social organizations like sororities, Jack and Jill, etc.

I have an older edition of Post's book, but they were all helpful. There are charm schools for adults, but I think you pay for individual lessons as opposed to being in a group if you take the classes as a child or teen.

 

[phynestone]

What were some of the tips you picked up?

Makeup and fashion tips just by observation, how to conduct myself - more like network - with REAL movers and shakers, and just learning by osmosis. For me, that was the easiest. Not like I didn't receive this at home, but if you want to get into a higher tax bracket, well....it's easier to make some things happen if you can look and act the part because pretty people privileges exist!

 

[Kimbosheart]

Spinoff.. how do we help our younger girls ranging up to the 20s to be more feminine . I see some more young girls who at times look masculine and some refuse to wear skirts dresses or even fix their hair. I know it's a trend but it's like they have no motivation to look cute anymore

They aren't exposed to as many feminine role models in the forms of media they consume the most. I think young people learn quite a bit through observation still- similar to children. A book or lessons may not be as effective since they require active engagement. It would be less of an uphill battle if twitter, IG, Facebook etc highlighted women who represent the ideals you seek. I'm glad that we are no longer in the Age of THOT but i see a lot of girls and women who are overly made up or dressed up but still behaving badly being featured.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Y'all know I'm all about whatever it takes to make yourself look and feel good. It's been awhile since I've been in here hardcore. But a few tips for those reading way after the fact.

Try:
- eyelash extensions. Safely try a few people but get a good set of lashes in and conquer the world.

- shellac manicures: I tried years ago and didn't like them. But I had an event a few months ago so I gave them another shot. I'm hooked. I love that my nails and hands always look awesome.

- barre based workouts: there's a huge thread in the fitness forum. But the workouts are short sweet and very very effective. They really help shape your body into an hourglass.

- sleep: you will have better everything. Please get all the sleep you need unapologetically! It may be an inconvenience to a friend or loved one in the short term but sleep really is an investment in all the things you care about.

Confidence is key- find what gives you that ease and comfort in your own skin and you will be the most feminine version of yourself.

 

[chocolat79]

Y'all know I'm all about whatever it takes to make yourself look and feel good. It's been awhile since I've been in here hardcore. But a few tips for those reading way after the fact.

Try:
- eyelash extensions. Safely try a few people but get a good set of lashes in and conquer the world.

- shellac manicures: I tried years ago and didn't like them. But I had an event a few months ago so I gave them another shot. I'm hooked. I love that my nails and hands always look awesome.

- barre based workouts: there's a huge thread in the fitness forum. But the workouts are short sweet and very very effective. They really help shape your body into an hourglass.

- sleep: you will have better everything. Please get all the sleep you need unapologetically! It may be an inconvenience to a friend or loved one in the short term but sleep really is an investment in all the things you care about.

Confidence is key- find what gives you that ease and comfort in your own skin and you will be the most feminine version of yourself.

My friend was just telling me that the barre workouts have been really effective for her, although she's only been doing it for a month. I'm going to start classes next week.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hello Feminine Belles!

Wow, it's been a while since I've been in this thread, but I'm glad to see you ladies have been busy!

I never thought of it like that but it makes sense. I too have been wearing my hair straight as a natural. I wore it in wash and gos religiously for 3 years straight and it caused me massive setbacks. Stuck in hair purgatory (between SL and APL). Lesson learned. My hair thrives when it's straight because I have a lot less tangles. Heat damage was my main concern but now I don't care. I know I'll be fine. And long hair looks better on me. Short hair ages me.

Lol @ "stuck in hair purgatory". I feel like that's where I am right now.... I feel like no matter WHAT I do, I can never get past APL.

I'm revamping everything though and going back to BASICS. I'm talking FEWER products, less manipulation, more protective styles, sticking to only a COUPLE of hair care lines that really WORK for my hair (no more PJism!), and moisture moisture MOISTURE!

I do agree w/you though. I actually prefer my hair straight... I know it sounds bad, but I really do prefer my hair to hang. It's not that I just have to have "straight hair", it's more so because I like the "LONG" hair look. I even prefer my hair in extension braids (again, for the length), but I'm trying to give them a break because I find that it can be a bit too much for my fine, low/medium density hair.

But yeah, when I look at pictures of me w/relaxed hair, or even my natural hair straightened, I really DO look much better. I hate to say it. I just feel more feminine, more womanly, and more "pretty" when my hair is showing it's length. Regular heat would eventually break my fine hair off though, so I don't even try to pretend that I could become a straight-hair natural , but at least it can be a treat every once in a while.

I notice that short natural hair makes me look OLD... Old, and slightly butch.... When I look back at pics of me 4, 5, years ago, there were only a FEW short haired pics where I thought I looked okay. The rest looked like: Especially during the in-between/afro stages.

So, I know which styles work for me now. The longer I can grow my natural hair, the less I'll covet having my hair straight because my whole look/face just looks BETTER when it's longer or in braids.

Spinoff.. how do we help our younger girls ranging up to the 20s to be more feminine . I see some more young girls who at times look masculine and some refuse to wear skirts dresses or even fix their hair. I know it's a trend but it's like they have no motivation to look cute anymore

Good question! I've noticed this trend as well.

Unfortunately, I don't think anything will be done until being "feminine" becomes "in" again. The younger generation right now doesn't see the purpose.

My friend was telling me that she noticed a huge difference when she went overseas. She said that it was when she came back to the states that she noticed that young American women seem to be a little more on the "masculine" side, because when she stayed in Paris/Europe for a month, she noticed that the girls there overseas seemed to be so much more feminine. She said young girls didn't wear jeans half as much like they do here in USA. And everything had accessories like scarfs, hats, jewelry, etc.

She mentioned that the style was more chic and trendy, and not as "laid back" as it is here.

Some examples of the style were sort of like this...

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with wearing jeans, but I got the point she was trying to make. Even when "dressed down", they still had a certain style/flair to them.

- shellac manicures: I tried years ago and didn't like them. But I had an event a few months ago so I gave them another shot. I'm hooked. I love that my nails and hands always look awesome.

- barre based workouts: there's a huge thread in the fitness forum. But the workouts are short sweet and very very effective. They really help shape your body into an hourglass.

- sleep: you will have better everything. Please get all the sleep you need unapologetically! It may be an inconvenience to a friend or loved one in the short term but sleep really is an investment in all the things you care about.

Confidence is key- find what gives you that ease and comfort in your own skin and you will be the most feminine version of yourself.

Thanks so much for the tips!

Quick question...What are Shellac manicures? I've never heard of those before. Are they better than gel?

 

[caribeandiva]

Quick question...What are Shellac manicures? I've never heard of those before. Are they better than gel?

To me Shellac IS gel.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

To me Shellac IS gel.

Oh okay, thanks for clarifying!