Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

[Belle Du Jour]

@Crystalicequeen123 @caribeandiva and anyone else!

What is the best way to maximize results when a guy offers (more than once) to help you with something? We know that men like to be needed and get endorphins from being needed and knowing that a woman wants what he has to offer (TQC). I don't think it's a small thing when a man offers you his help.

But I feel like just asking him for the literal thing I need (ie carry these boxes) would be a missed opportunity. Any thoughts?

 

[CurlyMoo]

@Crystalicequeen123 @caribeandiva and anyone else!

What is the best way to maximize results when a guy offers (more than once) to help you with something? We know that men like to be needed and get endorphins from being needed and knowing that a woman wants what he has to offer (TQC). I don't think it's a small thing when a man offers you his help.

But I feel like just asking him for the literal thing I need (ie carry these boxes) would be a missed opportunity. Any thoughts?

I think men love it, especially when he likes you and he feels it's a genuine need of help from him.
Based on my experience, if he's offering he is willing and able to see it through with you in terms of doing what you ask.

Not sure if this is associated with what is being discussed here, but I will share it.

Due to an injury I have been sent to the kitchen, yesterday was fried chicken day.
Everyone likes fried chicken, so the cook made extra for staff and everyone was chowing down.
One of the male co-workers kept coming to me asking if I wanted chicken and if I needed to have it packed up just ask.
I told him thank you but no thanks as I am trying to lose weight. But then I thought, hey I need food in the fridge til pay day.
I got up for it and he helped me get it out of the heated refrigerators and containers and stood by me while I put the foil and plastic wrap over it.
Later he came and asked if I needed fruit. Of course again I deny because I can only eat farmers market fruit due to allergies.
Then thought about it again and perhaps I won't have allergic reaction and without his help I can't get it.
He took me back to the deep freezers and helped me pick out apples and pears.

The apples are delicious.

 

[BK Bombshell]

@Belle Du Jour

Just zhuzh it up a bit. Emphasize how helpful it is to have the boxes carried and how much you appreciate it and how much it helps you, etc. Just some light ego strokes.


OAN, did anyone else get their subscription cut short? Before all the shenanigans went down, I bought a two-year subscription from her flash sale, but I recently went to read one of the new articles and I can't get it. I emailed her and she sent me an email that said my subscription ended. How is that possible when I bought it in May 2015 and it's September 2016? I'm about to file a claim with Paypal to get a refund just on principle.

 

[TracyNicole]

@Belle Du Jour

Just zhuzh it up a bit. Emphasize how helpful it is to have the boxes carried and how much you appreciate it and how much it helps you, etc. Just some light ego strokes.


OAN, did anyone else get their subscription cut short? Before all the shenanigans went down, I bought a two-year subscription from her flash sale, but I recently went to read one of the new articles and I can't get it. I emailed her and she sent me an email that said my subscription ended. How is that possible when I bought it in May 2015 and it's September 2016? I'm about to file a claim with Paypal to get a refund just on principle.

Mine was cut off too. I didn't even think of filing a dispute. I need to look into that.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I think men love it, especially when he likes you and he feels it's a genuine need of help from him.
Based on my experience, if he's offering he is willing and able to see it through with you in terms of doing what you ask.

Not sure if this is associated with what is being discussed here, but I will share it.

Due to an injury I have been sent to the kitchen, yesterday was fried chicken day.
Everyone likes fried chicken, so the cook made extra for staff and everyone was chowing down.
One of the male co-workers kept coming to me asking if I wanted chicken and if I needed to have it packed up just ask.
I told him thank you but no thanks as I am trying to lose weight. But then I thought, hey I need food in the fridge til pay day.
I got up for it and he helped me get it out of the heated refrigerators and containers and stood by me while I put the foil and plastic wrap over it.
Later he came and asked if I needed fruit. Of course again I deny because I can only eat farmers market fruit due to allergies.
Then thought about it again and perhaps I won't have allergic reaction and without his help I can't get it.
He took me back to the deep freezers and helped me pick out apples and pears.

The apples are delicious.

Aww your coworker sounds sweet! I know men aren't like women who say things for social reasons so if he's offering, he wants to. Men are awesome, aren't they?

 

[Belle Du Jour]

@Belle Du Jour

Just zhuzh it up a bit. Emphasize how helpful it is to have the boxes carried and how much you appreciate it and how much it helps you, etc. Just some light ego strokes.


OAN, did anyone else get their subscription cut short? Before all the shenanigans went down, I bought a two-year subscription from her flash sale, but I recently went to read one of the new articles and I can't get it. I emailed her and she sent me an email that said my subscription ended. How is that possible when I bought it in May 2015 and it's September 2016? I'm about to file a claim with Paypal to get a refund just on principle.

Previously I've used hero language with him and I think it has worked since he continues to offer his help. I always try to make a point to thank him, even if it feels like I'm gushing a bit, lol, I know men play for points.

Off topic: does it mean something if a man asks a woman for help? I don't see it as a weakness thing but more of a partnership thing. Not sure if this was addressed in AAs stuff?

I never had the subscription that you're referring to.

 

[BK Bombshell]

Mine was cut off too. I didn't even think of filing a dispute. I need to look into that.

Hey how are you? Haven't seen you in a minute.

OK. I thought she just cut me off. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it was an accident and even sent my Paypal receipts showing when I bought it. She wrote back once just to tell me that my subscription ended, even though the date is on the receipts. And she still won't restore my subscription. That's why I'm so annoyed.

I know she got a ton of traffic and sales from this site so to just arbitrarily cut people off is crazy. We should all file claims against her. First she comes with the insults, then she thinks she can just run off with the money. No ma'am.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Aww your coworker sounds sweet! I know men aren't like women who say things for social reasons so if he's offering, he wants to. Men are awesome, aren't they?

Yes very sweet and very respectful.

 

[TracyNicole]

Hey how are you? Haven't seen you in a minute.

OK. I thought she just cut me off. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it was an accident and even sent my Paypal receipts showing when I bought it. She wrote back once just to tell me that my subscription ended, even though the date is on the receipts. And she still won't restore my subscription. That's why I'm so annoyed.

I know she got a ton of traffic and sales from this site so to just arbitrarily cut people off is crazy. We should all file claims against her. First she comes with the insults, then she thinks she can just run off with the money. No ma'am.

Hey there! How have you been. I just had another baby last month and we had to move to get more space for our expanding family so life has been pretty crazy the last five months or so but I'm still here. I think you have a great idea and I'm going to look and see if I can find my receipt in the morning. I know I purchased my subscription several months earlier so I may not be able to prove anything now. I'm sorry we all got burned by that charlatan. It's made me hesitant to purchase any others although I've been eyeing a fascinating woman ecourse for the last few weeks.

 

[caribeandiva]

@Crystalicequeen123 @caribeandiva and anyone else!

What is the best way to maximize results when a guy offers (more than once) to help you with something? We know that men like to be needed and get endorphins from being needed and knowing that a woman wants what he has to offer (TQC). I don't think it's a small thing when a man offers you his help.

But I feel like just asking him for the literal thing I need (ie carry these boxes) would be a missed opportunity. Any thoughts?

Gurl let that man help you! Men love to be needed by us women. It's a chance for them to show off the masculinity. The way I maximize it is by accepting their offers even if I can do it myself (especially if I can do it myself). I used to offer to help them (while they were helping me ) but I realized they were happier if I let them do it all themselves. Think about it. Most men don't often get to be our hero that often. The best way to milk is to be grateful, be your sweet self and allow him to do all of it. He's trying to show off for you. Don't rob him of that.

 

[caribeandiva]

Hey there! How have you been. I just had another baby last month and we had to move to get more space for our expanding family so life has been pretty crazy the last five months or so but I'm still here. I think you have a great idea and I'm going to look and see if I can find my receipt in the morning. I know I purchased my subscription several months earlier so I may not be able to prove anything now. I'm sorry we all got burned by that charlatan. It's made me hesitant to purchase any others although I've been eyeing a fascinating woman ecourse for the last few weeks.

Congratulations on the new babe!!

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Gurl let that man help you! Men love to be needed by us women. It's a chance for them to show off the masculinity. The way I maximize it is by accepting their offers even if I can do it myself (especially if I can do it myself). I used to offer to help them (while they were helping me ) but I realized they were happier if I let them do it all themselves. Think about it. Most men don't often get to be our hero that often. The best way to milk is to be grateful, be your sweet self and allow him to do all of it. He's trying to show off for you. Don't rob him of that.

LOL, oh I plan to ask for his help! I just need to think about how he can help me with this particular project he offered to help me on...I just remember AA talked about helplessness and saving a woman being a turnoff. Don't want to ask him to help me with something foolish lol.

I will definitely milk it though

 

[caribeandiva]

LOL, oh I plan to ask for his help! I just need to think about how he can help me with this particular project he offered to help me on...I just remember AA talked about helplessness and saving a woman being a turnoff. Don't want to ask him to help me with something foolish lol.

I will definitely milk it though

Just ask for his input and he'll take it from there.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

LOL, oh I plan to ask for his help! I just need to think about how he can help me with this particular project he offered to help me on...I just remember AA talked about helplessness and saving a woman being a turnoff. Don't want to ask him to help me with something foolish lol.

Sorry I'm late lol...

You know I honestly don't think you have to worry about appearing "helpless" or a "turn-off" with this guy. If this guy is repeatedly asking to help you with something (more than once), it could very well be that he might like you. Men usually love showing how they can "provide" for a woman they're interested in. Plus, I dont' think men get "Turned off" so easily about a woman not being able to do something as long as it's something she really actually can't do. I mean, no man wants to think you're a child, but it's very rare that even I myself comes across a woman like that anyway. Most women these days are pretty self sufficient.

Remember, men don't THINK like women. While WE may think: "Oh look at her, she's so helpless...what a turn-off...", I don't typically think that's what men are thinking. If you genuinely need help with something, most men don't mind helping if they are able to.

If he's already asked you multiple times to help you, then it's because he WANTS to. If a man doesn't want to help you, he won't even offer. Remember, men aren't like women.

Just ask for his input and he'll take it from there.

I agree with this here.

Men LOVE to give advice and input. I can't tell you how many times I've had guy friends fall for me simply because I asked them for relationship advice! All the time's we'd be talking over the phone or hanging out, and here I am, I'm thinking that we're just "friends" and I'm getting their input, they're getting mine (on women), and later on down the line, next thing I know...the guy is confessing that they like me....

I'm like HUH?? I didn't understand it before, but AA basically broke it down.

There's something very attractive to men about a woman seeking his input/advice/intelligence on something that he feels knowledgeable about. It makes him feel needed, important, smart, and wanted. ESPECIALLY if you take his advice and are appreciative for it....which I usually was.

You will automatically conjure up good feelings within a man if you ask him for his expertise on something. Now if you're arguing about his input or blatantly shut him down or call him stupid for his advice, then yeah....that's probably not going to go over too well lol It's okay to disagree on some things, but just be tactful and graceful if you do it. I wouldn't do it too often though, because people (in GENERAL...not just men) don't usually like to be around people who put down their opinions/beliefs all the time.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Sorry I'm late lol...

You know I honestly don't think you have to worry about appearing "helpless" or a "turn-off" with this guy. If this guy is repeatedly asking to help you with something (more than once), it could very well be that he might like you. Men usually love showing how they can "provide" for a woman they're interested in. Plus, I dont' think men get "Turned off" so easily about a woman not being able to do something as long as it's something she really actually can't do. I mean, no man wants to think you're a child, but it's very rare that even I myself comes across a woman like that anyway. Most women these days are pretty self sufficient.

Remember, men don't THINK like women. While WE may think: "Oh look at her, she's so helpless...what a turn-off...", I don't typically think that's what men are thinking. If you genuinely need help with something, most men don't mind helping if they are able to.

If he's already asked you multiple times to help you, then it's because he WANTS to. If a man doesn't want to help you, he won't even offer. Remember, men aren't like women.




I agree with this here.

Men LOVE to give advice and input. I can't tell you how many times I've had guy friends fall for me simply because I asked them for relationship advice! All the time's we'd be talking over the phone or hanging out, and here I am, I'm thinking that we're just "friends" and I'm getting their input, they're getting mine (on women), and later on down the line, next thing I know...the guy is confessing that they like me....

I'm like HUH?? I didn't understand it before, but AA basically broke it down.

There's something very attractive to men about a woman seeking his input/advice/intelligence on something that he feels knowledgeable about. It makes him feel needed, important, smart, and wanted. ESPECIALLY if you take his advice and are appreciative for it....which I usually was.

You will automatically conjure up good feelings within a man if you ask him for his expertise on something. Now if you're arguing about his input or blatantly shut him down or call him stupid for his advice, then yeah....that's probably not going to go over too well lol It's okay to disagree on some things, but just be tactful and graceful if you do it. I wouldn't do it too often though, because people (in GENERAL...not just men) don't usually like to be around people who put down their opinions/beliefs all the time.

I knew there was a good reason I tagged you
Awesome post!

I keep reminding myself that men generally don't say or offer something they don't mean. Women do all the time How many times has someone said "You look great!" and you reply "so do you!" and that person looks a hot mess. LOL. AA It's because we're conditioned to connect. Men don't have that need to say stuff just to connect. So I don't think it's a small thing that he asked. It's not a marriage proposal LOL but it's hopefully a start to more interaction.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

One more question that I think got lost in the shuffle:
Does it mean something if a man asks a woman for help? I don't mean financial help or anything like that but help with little tasks. I don't see it as a weakness thing but more of a partnership thing. Like maybe he sees this woman as someone he can do things with? I don't remember if this was addressed in AAs stuff? What do y'all think?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I knew there was a good reason I tagged you
Awesome post!

I keep reminding myself that men generally don't say or offer something they don't mean. Women do all the time How many times has someone said "You look great!" and you reply "so do you!" and that person looks a hot mess. LOL. AA It's because we're conditioned to connect. Men don't have that need to say stuff just to connect. So I don't think it's a small thing that he asked. It's not a marriage proposal LOL but it's hopefully a start to more interaction.

Awww....thank you...

One more question that I think got lost in the shuffle:
Does it mean something if a man asks a woman for help? I don't see it as a weakness thing but more of a partnership thing. Like maybe he sees this woman as someone he can do things with? I don't remember if this was addressed in AAs stuff? What do y'all think?

Hmm....good question....

Umm.... To be honest with you, I'm not sure about that! Maybe it depends on what exactly the guy needs help with??

I may be a little old-fashioned, but if a guy I was looking at as a ROMANTIC prospect wanted me to help him with something that he could do himself, I would view him a little differently. I guess it's just the way men and women are different I guess. I think I would start viewing him as less of a "guy-guy" and more like a "bro". You know...like a buddy. Usually men who were interested in me never asked me to "help" them with anything, unless it was to get closer to me. So....I'm not sure. If it were just a guy friend then I wouldn't mind. But if it were a guy I was looking at as prospect, then yeah...it would sort of change the way I saw him a little bit. But idk...this is a good question!

I guess it really just depends on what the guy is asking me for help on. If I'm interested in the guy romantically, I think it would kind of take the wind out of my sails a little bit, because it would put me more in the "masculine" and him in the "feminine" to me. But again, I guess it depends on WHAT exactly he's asking me for lol. Usually men (if you notice) don't really ask for help...not even each other. I'm sure they do at some point, but usually they don't typically ask for help. And most men don't OFFER to help, whereas on Venus (women's world) it's only natural and "kind" to offer help. TO offer help to a man signifies that he cannot do it himself lol. That's men and their egos for you.

Usually men don't ask me to "help" them with anything unless they want/need some food or something lol


But maybe I'm confused by the question so...don't mind me.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Awww....thank you...





Hmm....good question....

Umm.... To be honest with you, I'm not sure about that! Maybe it depends on what exactly the guy needs help with??

I may be a little old-fashioned, but if a guy I was looking at as a ROMANTIC prospect wanted me to help him with something that he could do himself, I would view him a little differently. I guess it's just the way men and women are different I guess. I think I would start viewing him as less of a "guy-guy" and more like a "bro". You know...like a buddy. Usually men who were interested in me never asked me to "help" them with anything, unless it was to get closer to me. So....I'm not sure. If it were just a guy friend then I wouldn't mind. But if it were a guy I was looking at as prospect, then yeah...it would sort of change the way I saw him a little bit. But idk...this is a good question!

I guess it really just depends on what the guy is asking me for help on. If I'm interested in the guy romantically, I think it would kind of take the wind out of my sails a little bit, because it would put me more in the "masculine" and him in the "feminine" to me. But again, I guess it depends on WHAT exactly he's asking me for lol. Usually men (if you notice) don't really ask for help...not even each other. I'm sure they do at some point, but usually they don't typically ask for help. And most men don't OFFER to help, whereas on Venus (women's world) it's only natural and "kind" to offer help. TO offer help to a man signifies that he cannot do it himself lol. That's men and their egos for you.

Usually men don't ask me to "help" them with anything unless they want/need some food or something lol


But maybe I'm confused by the question so...don't mind me.

Lemme give an example: say the guy is organizing a big party and during the party, he asks you to make an announcement about something. Something little like that, not asking you to lift heavy stuff. LOL.

Hmmm, you have an interesting perspective. I wasn't thinking of it that way. It's like a man wanting to do the heavy work and flex for the woman while she sits quietly and doesn't get her nails messed up. I was looking at it as a partnership thing.

So one last question: what if a woman offers to help a man with something he is doing? Let's say he puts out a general call for help. Is it un-romantic /masculine for a woman to volunteer to help him?!

This discussion is so interesting. I may e-mail AA this question!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Lemme give an example: say the guy is organizing a big party and during the party, he asks you to make an announcement about something. Something little like that, not asking you to lift heavy stuff. LOL.

Ohhh.... I guess that's not a big deal lol. I was thinking something totally different

So one last question: what if a woman offers to help a man with something he is doing? Let's say he puts out a general call for help. Is it un-romantic /masculine for a woman to volunteer to help him?!

This discussion is so interesting. I may e-mail AA this question!

Hmmm....that depends. Are you and the guy just buddies/friends?


And when you say "General Call for help" are you talking about a mass text message? A mass email? And what does he need help with?

Sorry for so many questions lol, but it would change how I view the situation.

I mean, on one hand, we shouldn't have to over-analyze every single little thing a guy says/does lol.... But on the other hand, if I'm looking at a particular guy as a potential romantic prospect and vice versa, I honestly can't remember the last time a guy that was interested in me romantically wanted me to "help him" with something. I'm just being honest. But maybe that's just me. I've had guys invite me to his house under the guise of "practicing music" together or something like that lol....but other than that....nada.

Honestly? I know this is derailing the thread a bit, but I really hate what text messaging and social media has done to relationships and just male and female dynamics in general. I feel like people don't just say what they want to say or do what they want to do anymore. Everyone's so afraid of being "hurt". Seriously...it just makes things so confusing these days. And sadly, it seems that men in this country (USA) have turned so....SOFT. Maybe I need to go find some men across the pond or overseas instead. Usually foreign men know how to GO AFTER what they want without having to "hint around" (if that's what this guy is doing).

Btw....Is this guy black?? Lol... Cuz that would change my answer too. Sometimes race/background makes a difference too. I'm just trying to figure out what this guy is up to.

Girl maybe you need to just tell us the WHOLE story instead of bits and pieces lol. Cuz trying to figure out what the dynamics are based on little things here and there is kind of hard.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I plead the 5th amendment lol it's a new friend that I'm trying to figure out. But I don't want to say anymore. I'll just let it ride and see where it goes. Totally agree about SM. People don't know how to communicate anymore. Men are definitely afraid to go for what they want these days too.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I plead the 5th amendment lol it's a new friend that I'm trying to figure out. But I don't want to say anymore. I'll just let it ride and see where it goes. Totally agree about SM. People don't know how to communicate anymore. Men are definitely afraid to go for what they want these days too.

Oh okay I understand girl.

Yea I would just wait and see what he does. I wouldn't analyze every little thing. Just keep it light and continue to be your light/feminine/radiant self.

A Queen does not try to make a man her King. She simply remains a Queen, and the right man who suits her needs/wants will eventually appear and make himself known to her.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

A Queen does not try to make a man her King. She simply remains a Queen, and the right man who suits her needs/wants will eventually appear and make himself known to her.

 

[caribeandiva]

Does it mean something if a man asks a woman for help?

If he likes you it means he wants to spend more time with you. He's most likely asking you to help him do something he could easily do himself right? Like you said maybe he's trying you on as a partner. The point is don't overthink it and just go with it. After that examine your feelings and see if you want things to go forward with this man. Maybe he's was just meant to be friend zoned. If it's a man who doesn't like you like that then it just means that he needs help with whatever.

So one last question: what if a woman offers to help a man with something he is doing? Let's say he puts out a general call for help. Is it un-romantic /masculine for a woman to volunteer to help him?!

I don't think so. You're worried about making him look weak by offering your help right? He initiated the call for help. You didn't. I think you're in the clear.

 

[BK Bombshell]

Mine was cut off too. I didn't even think of filing a dispute. I need to look into that.

Paypal just refunded the entire cost of my subscription! I'm really glad I pursued the claim because she was just being so arrogant and dismissive when all I wanted was to get what I paid for. And I was really, really patient with her too. SMH

Anyway, now she knows she's not going to just take people's money and then cut them off when she feels like it. I would've been happy with a partial refund, but this is even better!

At first I filed my claim online and it was deferred (basically denied) so I called them to find out why and the rep said that the form is a bit misleading. So I advise you to call Paypal to file your claim. Even if you subscribed a few months before me, it may not have expired yet. If you go into your Paypal history, you can find the receipt.

And for anyone else whose subscription was also cut off, I suggest you call Paypal and file a claim too. I'm so sick of people running scams, taking people's hard-earned money and skipping off into the sunset. I know she got a LOT of money from this board and I want her to give it all back.#playingpettycake

 

[hopeful]

#playingpettycake

I love it! Great hashtag!

 

[levette]

bump.. are we still discussing this topic

 

[awhyley]

If we're not, we should be. Being more feminine in 2017 is one of my goals for the year (every year).
I really wnat to get out of wearing pants and flats

(eta: I wore a skirt and high heels yesterday (1/25/17), and my feet are still crying. They were right, beauty is pain.)

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I want to redo my wardrobe. I already wear dresses 99% of the time but I want more feminine silhouettes (A line instead of sheath/straight dresses; lace; bows; etc). Any ideas? I really like that 50s look. My friend loves mod cloth but they can be pricey.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I really enjoyed this video:

-Men take their cues from what you do.
-Be inviting (drop a hanky)
-Create opportunities for him to respond to our invitation
-Create opportunities for a man to do for us
-Add more beauty/femininity to your life (flowers, scented candle, etc)
-Be vulnerable --> creates connection

Thoughts? (particularly on the 2nd point)

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Ladies, where are y'all buying feminine silhouettes online (because I hate shopping in stores )?? I don't buy any black clothes anymore, no matter how slimming LOL. One piece of advice I read in The FW is that women need to emphasize the difference between themselves and men so there is a clear masculine/feminine contrast. That means dresses/skirts instead of pants, colorful prints (florals, polka dots) instead of solids, color instead of black, and any whimsical trim (lace, bows, etc). I realize I was wearing a lot of dresses but they could still be more eye-popping and feminine. Really looking for A line or fit/flare silhouettes instead of straight line/sheath silhouettes.