I don't think you didn't anything wrong here. He asked you out last minute and the next time you already had plans you didn't wanna get out of. I would've done the same thing. Only thing I'd do differently next time is to suggest a time that's better for you if you have plans on the day he wants to take you out.
Thanks for the encouragement and advice.
Yes, I think you're right. And my gut also tells me that if a man REALLY likes and wants a woman, he will definitely try at least one last time, especially if the woman is friendly and seems interested despite some scheduling conflicts. After a 3rd try however, I think the guy would definitely move on for good.
You don't know how many times some women have told me how their husbands continued to pursue them in the early stages even despite the woman's disinterest or turning him down. Not saying women should do this deliberately (they weren't doing it deliberately, they were just cautious, not that interested at first, or actually really busy), but it DOES spell it out for me that if a man is interested he WILL let you know , and he WILL make an effort.
Whew! I finally made it through this thread after three days. Threads like this are why I keep subscribing. Thank you all for your contributions and suggestions. I am learning so much.
I had a cookout with a friend on Monday, and instead of allowing him to put the little grill together, which he bought, I did it and then giggled when he expressed upset that I did what he saw as his job. He looked so hurt and asked me how it would look to my neighbors that I put the grill together. I had been reading TQC, so I immediately felt apologetic. He wanted to do it for me and I stole his thunder. I apologized, and he accepted, but for the rest of the night I couldn't help but wonder how often I hurt my exes and never even noticed. I realised if I was a man, I probably wouldn't stay with me either. Lol!
I'm embarrassed by it now, but I can remember treating men like they had no feelings at all. It's awful. I am working on not living in that regret, and I am putting my sword down for good. I sure am good at wielding that thing, though.
Awww...it's okay. We all make mistakes. Trust me, before I read TQC I was not as sensitive to the fact that men have feelings either. In fact, it took me until my 20's to even realize that men had "feelings" and could actually be hurt or offended by what a woman did.
The biggest "wake up call" for me came when I was dealing with an ex-guy friend years ago. I had an ex-guy friend who broke my heart and was pretty much a "player", but because I was immature, instead of just TALKING to him normally and fully expressing my feelings to him and being vulnerable, I resulted instead to playing games back and actually ignoring him as time went on. Yes, it was immature, and YES he pretty much deserved the treatment (the stuff he would do was cruddy), but after reading TQC it hit me just how immature I was back then and how my actions really did hurt him.
These experiences with him happened years ago, but I still remember how SHOCKED I was when we finally had our "come to Jesus" meeting/"confessional" and he admitted to me that he sometimes was acting funny and strange around me because I was acting funny/strange and he felt like
I didn't want him around me. At the time, I was shocked because I couldn't believe that my actions affected him so much. I felt like he didn't even care how I was treating him. I was just keeping my distance and being cold and aloof in order to protect MYSELF from feeling more pain from him. (Again...picking up that sword for protection) We weren't dating..... There was just some attraction and immature game-playing going on. Anyway, it dawned on me then that men actually DO have feelings. Years later recently while reading TQC I thought back to that moment in time and realized that this book really is ON POINT. It's a shame I didn't realize that men are not robots. I think sometimes because they always put on a stoic and strong front, we think they are invincible and not "emotional". But the truth is, men have feelings too.
This experience also forced me to realize that a LOT of times,
it is the WOMAN who sets the "tone" for how a man will come across or treat HER. I didn't realize how much power we really have as women until after that experience with that guy friend of mine. Yes, his game-playing and actions were immature as well, but if I had just continued to be MATURE/open/kind/and receptive, I firmly believe that I would have saved myself so much heartache and time wasted. Because either he would have eventually stepped up to the plate and determined what it was he wanted (friendship or more), OR, he would have eventually faded away. A mature woman doesn't engage or spend her time worrying about men who aren't interested in her. She is cordial, but she doesn't think about them. She's only receptive to the men who
ARE showing interest. So therefore, he would have eventually disengaged and found someone else to "play" with, or...he would have realized that I was a "high value" woman and not one to be playing games with, and if that was all he wanted at the time, he would have eventually let me be. But playing this hot and cold game only kept me engaged w/him, and eventually it became an ego-war. Hurt feelings and misunderstandings galore. When in actuality, I should have just remained a constant woman grounded in her femininity, not wavering despite his actions. Either way, it would have saved me a LOT of pain.
And I wondered why I stayed single for so long! 
Been there done that. Men are a lot more sensitive than we realize. If they're hurt they shut down and leave without saying anything. Sometimes for good. Us women have to "get it off our chests" and talk about it. THEN we can move on. We expect the same from men but they're not hairy women.
Again, yes. We've been brainwashed to believe that men "can take it" and have no feelings. I remember the first time I did something hurtful to one of my exes when I was in my early 20s. I wielded my sword and cut him with it. I was genuinely surprised that his feelings were hurt. My sister was like: "why are you so shocked? He's human too isn't he? He's got feelings too." Putting down our sword take courage because it leaves you feeling exposed and vulnerable.
When we stop wielding that sword all willy nilly then the man gets to step up and protect us like he's supposed to! He can't protect us when he's constantly guarding himself against our attacks or recovering from the wounds we keep giving him. When I think of it like it makes no sense to me to pick my sword back up. It's counterintuitive.
OMG girl YES!!!!
I think that because I grew up with sisters I didn't see how men can have feelings as well.
And omg I LOVED that last part of your post (in bold). GREAT analogy! Yes, when a man is too busy trying to protect HIMSELF (and his ego) from a woman's sword-like attacks, he can't feel the necessary vulnerability from her in order to want to protect her. He's too busy protecting HIMSELF!
I'm almost getting the impression (from her book, and from other comments on here) that when a woman is always ready to pick up the sword and defend HERSELF, she will almost always perpetually find herself ALONE...defending herself BY herself with her own sword, because a man won't feel the need to protect her. Why would he? She's already got her own sword drawn! Maybe this is why SOME (not all) women find themselves single and don't even realize it.
I'll even take it a step further..... I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes here, or be offensive...but this is just a thought for discussion....
I'll change the font color just in case nobody wants to see this.....again, I'm just curious what you all think....not trying to start an e-debate/or an e-argument.... But..........
Do you think that perhaps THIS (sword wielding) might one of the reasons why SOME of us women in the AA community find ourselves single more than others? Don't get me wrong, there are OTHER things that are factors as well (racism/prejudice being some of them when it comes to what people deem as "desirable"), but when you think about it...it seems more (how shall I say) "acceptable" for AA women to utilize the sword (so to speak), especially around our men. I'm wondering if this is a reason why SOME (notice I said SOME) AA men have shied away in recent years from dating AA women. I'm not saying women of other races aren't the same way (swordswomen) because there ARE women of all races who are this way, but I'm just wondering if it's looked at as more "common" or "acceptable" for us as AA women to be this way because we've seen so much, watched how our mothers have had to take on so much more than most women, and how we've had to "kill our own snakes" in some instances, etc. I'm just wondering if this might be somewhat of a factor.
Again, I hope nobody takes this the wrong way. I'm just hoping we can have an honest discussion about this. If you don't agree, it's fine to say that as well. I've been thinking about this as I've been reading this book. Not sure if the two go hand-in-hand, but it has made me wonder sometimes....
especially when I hear some of the reasons why SOME AA men say that they prefer to "date out". 
Just curious what some of you all think.....
If that's you in your avatar, you are cute. 
):
