Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

sweetvi said:
Yes I have her three part series... I like it !!
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Is her 3-part series like her interview was with Monique, or like her YouTube videos? :look:

I'm asking because I love Cherry, but her YT videos turned me off some. She just came across as kind of fake or "on". When she was talking to Monique, she seemed more herself, and I loved her. She's so sweet. :)

What is your take? If you haven't seen her YT videos, here's one lol.... :look:

 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Is her 3-part series like her interview was with Monique, or like her YouTube videos? :look:

I'm asking because I love Cherry, but her YT videos turned me off some. She just came across as kind of fake or "on". When she was talking to Monique, she seemed more herself, and I loved her. She's so sweet. :)

What is your take? If you haven't seen her YT videos, here's one lol.... :look:

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No. Her 3 part vids are not cheesy at all. Thank goodness. She has a feminine intensity about her in them just like the Monique interview.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Ohhh....that explains it. :giggle:


Well, I just watched video 1 and I liked that it had a little reenactment. Very helpful. How do you get the next 2 videos? She said she had 3 videos, but I only see Video 1.
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she emails it overtime. so watch your spam because my email sent her to spam a few times
 
caribeandiva said:
If y'all haven't signed up for Cherry Norris's 3 part free video series as part of her free gift from the Alluring woman site, you should. I just watched to first vid and learned a lot already. I like how she has live demos of how to apply her lessons and what not to do. One thing she says that really resonated with me is that men don't wanna be with powerful women. I am one of those women cuz I have a strong personality. I attract all these Alpha males but then I end up competing with them. No wonder I'm single. I need to let them lead, and the men have told me that. At least now I'm learning how to let them lead.

I started reading the e-book last night. I can't put it down. It's a real page turner for me. So far I've learned that it's a cycle between men and women. She won't respect him because she doesn't feel loved by him. He refuses to act lovingly towards her because he doesn't feel respected by her! :spinning: The author calls it the crazy cycle. I'm only on chapter 2. I can't wait to get to the part where the author explains why both sexes act this way,
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Where did you get the e-book?
 
sweetvi said:
Yes I have her three part series... I like it !!
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I've had these videos since the end of February. . . Just watched the first one.

I'm eager to try the 6 second smile but it just seems like it would be so awkward! I wonder the effectiveness of the 6 second smile on a man you already know as an acquaintance or friend? Obviously if you know someone, you're not necessarily waiting for him to come over to you before you speak, but maybe giving him the smile as you're walking towards him would still grab his attention? What do you ladies think?
 
caribeandiva said:
Gold nugget from Love and respect: "The way to fully love a husband (or any man) is to respect him in ways that are meaningful to him." Wow...
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I totally agree with that. I married young and it took me a few years to learn that lesson with my exH. Once I got it though, he became a totally different guy. Our relationship changed and we became friends. Even now that we aren't together, we're still good friends and the transition to a co-parenting relationship has been pretty seamless. I've carried that into my new relationship. FH responds to the respect so much. He says he can see it in my eyes and he eats it up. The key part of it to make sure to show it in a way that matters to him - kinda like the love language philosophy.
 
The message in this email from Monique Head is on point! I got this in my inbox today.

True or False? I'm still single because I haven't found the right man.

If you answered “true”, I’m here to bust that notion. Just hear me out. Open your heart and let this sink in.
Early last year, my husband (fiancée at the time) went on a snowboarding trip with his friend. I was excited to have the house to myself and to get some things done, but at the same time, I was feeling “some kind of way.”
I refrained from calling because I wanted to respect his freedom. But, I was also “testing” to see how often he’d call me. (Don’t judge me. I know you’ve done it too.) When he called, he mentioned that they were off the mountain and looking for a hotel.
Hotel?! You’re just now looking for a hotel?!

Me: “So where’d you stay last night?”
Him: “We stayed at his sister’s house?”
Me: Sister? What’s going on?! “I didn’t know he had a sister”
Silent Pause
Him: “Yea. Me neither.”
Me: “Hmm… Ok….Alright. Is she married?”
Him: “No”
Me: “Does she live alone?” Gosh, he’s gonna be on to me and my questioning.
Me: “Ahhh… what’s up with the questions?”
Ouch, I slipped. Feminine allure exposed. My legal training makes for great business sense, but the skills I learned in law school don’t make for romance.
Naturally, I am a very curious person. I like details, but I could feel myself getting suspicious and unsettled. For fear of making a fool of myself any further, especially while he was in the car with his buddy, I told him that I was feeling uneasy and that I needed to rest. Afterward, I texted him to call me when he had a moment of privacy.
When we got off the phone, my mind started RACING. Racing! You hear me? As I mentioned in my video training, we women have different triggers, different experiences that have left us with a hole in our heart. In that brief conversation, I felt left in the dark.
But to be honest, other than not knowing his friend had a sister, I had no reason to allow my mind to race. I decided to exercise my faith muscles instead of trying to fill the gaps and trying to put the pieces together in my head.
You know, the brain will go into survival mode and try to make sense of something that makes no sense at all. It’s intended to keep us safe. But, rather than feeling safe we go into overdrive, thinking:
  • Where is he?
  • What’s he doing?
  • Who’s he with?
  • Why hasn’t he called?
  • Can he be trusted?
We walk in the flesh, but we are not at war with flesh, so when this happens, you must hold those thoughts captive. You must cast down those imaginations because it doesn’t align with the knowledge of God, and it’s evidence that we’re not walking in faith.
If you think that you’re still single because you haven’t found the right man, I’d like to you reconsider the reason you believe you’re still single. The truth is, part of what keeps you single is lack of faith. The other part is fear of the unknown.
Fear of the unknown was at the core of my suspicion and my hurt. It confined me in a place that I do not want to return, EVER. When I operated in that mode, I felt imprisoned… in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction, mental torment, and always being on guard, looking for the next thing to go wrong just so I could be like “I knew it.”
I felt myself becoming bitter and cynical. I felt myself becoming the proverbial angry black woman.
Do you know what’s underlying how you’ve been showing up? Do you really know what’s at the root of what’s keeping you anxious, lonely, or exhausted?
c816f8262a50465baf49538c85ceae84.jpeg
Here’s my message to you Esmeralda. Being a polished woman who has an AMAZING love life requires you to let go of the need to know what’s coming next. Operating in the “what’s next” mode of being allows resentment and exhaustion to set in where enchantment and tenderness belong.
It’s time to wrap your head around the uncertainty and your fear of the unknown. It’s time to understand how it’s impacting you and influencing your love life. It’s time to remove your armor.
Getting to the bottom of why you’re still single is important so that you can allow yourself to be present so that men can experience the alluring woman you are. Your presence is a gift offering to the masculine man.
Do you understand the arousal that men get just by being in the presence of a feminine and alluring woman?
My girl, you don’t have to push your agenda, ask millions of questions, or hint in hopes that you’ll get some kind of an answer.
The mysteries of God’s kingdom don’t work that way. Everything you need to know will be revealed to you through grace. This is coming from a poised, polished, and confident woman who’s been through these things and found a fulfilling life and relationship on the other side.
This is a skill set that I’ve worked to develop in myself, and I want to develop in you.
I’m on a mission to help you access your power so that you can more easily cultivate a loving relationship that turns you on, allows you to blossom, and offers you peace of mind.
You can do this. I believe in you.
To your enhancement,
Monique
 
caribeandiva said:
The message in this email from Monique Head is on point! I got this in my inbox today.

True or False? I'm still single because I haven't found the right man.

If you answered “true”, I’m here to bust that notion. Just hear me out. Open your heart and let this sink in.
Early last year, my husband (fiancée at the time) went on a snowboarding trip with his friend. I was excited to have the house to myself and to get some things done, but at the same time, I was feeling “some kind of way.”
I refrained from calling because I wanted to respect his freedom. But, I was also “testing” to see how often he’d call me. (Don’t judge me. I know you’ve done it too.) When he called, he mentioned that they were off the mountain and looking for a hotel.
Hotel?! You’re just now looking for a hotel?!

Me: “So where’d you stay last night?”
Him: “We stayed at his sister’s house?”
Me: Sister? What’s going on?! “I didn’t know he had a sister”
Silent Pause
Him: “Yea. Me neither.”
Me: “Hmm… Ok….Alright. Is she married?”
Him: “No”
Me: “Does she live alone?” Gosh, he’s gonna be on to me and my questioning.
Me: “Ahhh… what’s up with the questions?”
Ouch, I slipped. Feminine allure exposed. My legal training makes for great business sense, but the skills I learned in law school don’t make for romance.
Naturally, I am a very curious person. I like details, but I could feel myself getting suspicious and unsettled. For fear of making a fool of myself any further, especially while he was in the car with his buddy, I told him that I was feeling uneasy and that I needed to rest. Afterward, I texted him to call me when he had a moment of privacy.
When we got off the phone, my mind started RACING. Racing! You hear me? As I mentioned in my video training, we women have different triggers, different experiences that have left us with a hole in our heart. In that brief conversation, I felt left in the dark.
But to be honest, other than not knowing his friend had a sister, I had no reason to allow my mind to race. I decided to exercise my faith muscles instead of trying to fill the gaps and trying to put the pieces together in my head.
You know, the brain will go into survival mode and try to make sense of something that makes no sense at all. It’s intended to keep us safe. But, rather than feeling safe we go into overdrive, thinking:
  • Where is he?
  • What’s he doing?
  • Who’s he with?
  • Why hasn’t he called?
  • Can he be trusted?
We walk in the flesh, but we are not at war with flesh, so when this happens, you must hold those thoughts captive. You must cast down those imaginations because it doesn’t align with the knowledge of God, and it’s evidence that we’re not walking in faith.
If you think that you’re still single because you haven’t found the right man, I’d like to you reconsider the reason you believe you’re still single. The truth is, part of what keeps you single is lack of faith. The other part is fear of the unknown.
Fear of the unknown was at the core of my suspicion and my hurt. It confined me in a place that I do not want to return, EVER. When I operated in that mode, I felt imprisoned… in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction, mental torment, and always being on guard, looking for the next thing to go wrong just so I could be like “I knew it.”
I felt myself becoming bitter and cynical. I felt myself becoming the proverbial angry black woman.
Do you know what’s underlying how you’ve been showing up? Do you really know what’s at the root of what’s keeping you anxious, lonely, or exhausted?
c816f8262a50465baf49538c85ceae84.jpeg
Here’s my message to you Esmeralda. Being a polished woman who has an AMAZING love life requires you to let go of the need to know what’s coming next. Operating in the “what’s next” mode of being allows resentment and exhaustion to set in where enchantment and tenderness belong.
It’s time to wrap your head around the uncertainty and your fear of the unknown. It’s time to understand how it’s impacting you and influencing your love life. It’s time to remove your armor.
Getting to the bottom of why you’re still single is important so that you can allow yourself to be present so that men can experience the alluring woman you are. Your presence is a gift offering to the masculine man.
Do you understand the arousal that men get just by being in the presence of a feminine and alluring woman?
My girl, you don’t have to push your agenda, ask millions of questions, or hint in hopes that you’ll get some kind of an answer.
The mysteries of God’s kingdom don’t work that way. Everything you need to know will be revealed to you through grace. This is coming from a poised, polished, and confident woman who’s been through these things and found a fulfilling life and relationship on the other side.
This is a skill set that I’ve worked to develop in myself, and I want to develop in you.
I’m on a mission to help you access your power so that you can more easily cultivate a loving relationship that turns you on, allows you to blossom, and offers you peace of mind.
You can do this. I believe in you.
To your enhancement,
Monique
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Love it!!! Keep it coming!!
 
So I finally finished Love and Respect. I gave up trying to read it and got the audiobook instead. :lol: Anyway, a lot of the stuff the book mentions is also in Alison Armstrong's books! Alison really is a genius. :lol:

Gold nuggets:
-Men are energized by us women. They want us around them even if they're busy doing something else. They don't need us to talk to them or do anything else. They just want us near them. For example: He asks you to sit next to him as he watches the game, or fix his car, or be outside with him as he works on the yard and then he proceeds to ignore you. No need to talk to him. In fact it's preferable if you don't since men are single focus. Your presence alone is what he needs. It's enough to revitalize him.

-Men and women hear and process things differently. Women filter life through our pink glasses and pink hearing aids while men use their blue glasses and blue hearing aids. For example: She says "I have nothing to wear!" She means: I have nothing new to wear. He says "I have nothing to wear!" He means: I have nothing clean to wear. And here is where most miscommunication happen.

Great book. I highly recommend everyone read it regardless of relationship status. Your future self and partner will thank you. :yep:
 
An article on eharmony:

Are You Stopping Him From Falling For You?

In your efforts to let a man know you’re interested in him, you might actually be blocking his ability to get close to you. Find out why, and what you can do instead so that he naturally feels the urge to move the relationship forward.

Sometimes, we want so much to let a man we know we like him – and make sure he doesn’t slip away – that we act in ways that actually PREVENT him from getting closer to us. And we’re not even aware that we’re doing it. Think about the last time you went on a first date. Were you so eager to make a connection that you armed yourself with a bunch of conversation starters, jumped in whenever there was a tiny bit of silence, or generally tried to keep the ball rolling with him? How about when you are starting to see a particular man more often? Are you the one suggesting another date, calling him, and generally trying to keep things moving forward?

What about when things start getting a bit more serious? Do you spend all your time thinking about him and ask him where things are going?

WHAT MAKES A MAN PURSUE

In order for a man to feel attracted to you and to pursue you, he has to feel “a pull” towards you. There needs to be some tension and the actual space for him to move forward into that space. This is what we think of as “the chase.” And men enjoy the chase. It makes them feel as if they are consciously choosing you and winning something they worked for. Unfortunately, what often ends up happening is that we like a man so much – and want to make sure he knows we’re interested – that we inadvertently push into him rather than create the space where he feels pulled toward us.

TAKING A STEP BACK SO HE STEPS FORWARD

To create that all-important space, you’ll need to shift from a mindset of “doing” to one of simply “being.” You’re going to go against your usual impulse to make something happen with a man and instead allow things to unfold – which will naturally shift him into the doing role. When you’re on a date, if you can allow yourself to simply “be” and resist the urge to take charge – even if it means dealing with some awkward lulls in the conversation – a man will actually feel more comfortable in your presence and will naturally feel compelled to come closer to you.

As things progress, the only thing you need to do to encourage a man to keep moving things forward is to show him how much you enjoy being with him. That means that you’re fully present with him – fun, affectionate, and appreciative of him. When a man feels like he’s making you feel good, he will feel good himself. And it will keep him coming closer and closer.

BUT WHAT IF HE THINKS I’M NOT INTERESTED?!

Surely if you don’t call him, initiate plans with him, or give him little gifts to show a man how much you like him, he’ll think you’re not interested, right? Absolutely not. A man who is attracted to you and wants to see you will not drop the ball simply because you’re not always available to him or showering him with attention.

Taking a step back from a man and re-directing energy and time back to you ALWAYS brings the right man closer. Remember, a man can’t fall for you if there’s no space for him to sink into. Create that space by taking a step back in your conversations, your relationship, and your “need to know” where things are going – and watch him leap forward to claim you as his one and only.
 
hopeful said:
"Taking a step back from a man and re-directing energy and time back to you ALWAYS brings the right man closer."

The bolded is key. Not all men, but the right one.
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Thank you for pointing that out. We all want the right men! I think sometimes, we get scared of losing the current man and cling so tightly or wind ourselves into a pretzel to keep him but he's not worth keeping if he's not the right man. And the right man will always stay around. :yep:
 
This email from Monique Head really resonated with me. I've made those mistakes too.

Not married yet? Maybe YOU'RE sending mixed signals!

In my recent webinar, I revealed that before meeting my husband, I ended a three-and-a half year relationship, a long distance relationship for that matter. Though we discussed marriage, it didn’t lead to an actual proposal.

I can’t help but to acknowledge my role in creating that reluctance. When he said to me, “If I asked you to marry me would you say yes?” My nonchalant response of, “we’ll see” didn’t exactly inspire him. Ouch!

My failure to respond with an enthusiastic “yes” sent mixed messages which might have led him to wonder if I’d accept.

Even after discussions of marriage, I’d say things like, “if you ever have children do you think…” rather than “when we have children…”

Despite my many mistakes, I couldn’t help but to wonder what was the hold up. “Why wasn’t he moving faster to put a ring on it? I mean, c’mon now… I’m beautiful, savvy, intelligent, and fun. I cook, clean, come from good stock, and I love Jesus. What else does a brotha need to get this thing going?”

Well, he needs invitation and inspiration, not obligation. And, guess what I realized?

I was the one who was stalling.

I encourage you to evaluate your subconscious fears to see if you’re the one who’s stalling.

We women really do hold the key to the future of the relationship, and we must acknowledge our role in keeping it stagnant or moving it forward.

I thought I was expressing my desire to be married, but now I realize that what came out were actually threats and ultimatums.

  • “Don’t you think we should be engaged by the end of the year?”
  • “We’ve been together for X years. Don’t you think it’s time?”
  • “If were not engaged by the end of the year, I’m out.”

Maybe you’re not married yet because you’re sending mixed signals, like I was. Maybe you’re the one who’s stalling, or perhaps you’re exerting control by giving ultimatums. None of these options will serve you.

They do not honor you, and they will bring forth NO PROFIT.

So what do you do differently? What are the alternatives to making demands and issuing ultimatums?

Well girlfriend, you must know what you want and be clear about it.

If you’re in a relationship and you know that you want to spend your life building with him and loving him, but it’s not progressing the way you’d like, or you’re not sure if you’re seeing eye to eye, then here's my recommendation for you.

Let him know that you love him, and while you’d like to spend the rest of your life with him, you understand that may not be what he wants, but it’s what you want.

Say NOTHING more after that. You’ve just expressed your desire with invitation.

If you continue talking, your emotions might be interpreted as nagging, or you might enter “convincing mode”, neither of which allows you to show up as a high value alluring woman.

Understand there’s a possibility that he may not feel the same way. A woman who operates in her feminine allure hopes for the best but accepts uncertainty. On a hunch, I’m going to say that deep down in your gut, you already know if the man you’re with doesn’t want what you want.

If that’s the case… “no beef” as in… it’s cool. No need to argue and to convince, just acknowledge that you two have different desires, and that’s ok.

When you’re with a man who loves you, especially if you’ve been together for some years, it’s very likely that he wants to make you happy. He’ll do what’s in his capacity to please you.

Author Laura Doyle says, “Don’t make a monkey of yourself by hanging on.” Honor yourself and your desire by letting go. But, before you have this conversation, know how much time you’re willing wait before you move on.

This timeline is your personal decision, so keep it personal… as in no threats like “if you don’t marry me by X, I’m gone.” You’ll know when it’s time to move on and make room for a man who’s eager to commit to you, cherish you, and make you feel precious.


I know that's what you really want, or else you wouldn't be reading this right now!
o
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Is her 3-part series like her interview was with Monique, or like her YouTube videos? :look:

I'm asking because I love Cherry, but her YT videos turned me off some. She just came across as kind of fake or "on". When she was talking to Monique, she seemed more herself, and I loved her. She's so sweet. :)

What is your take? If you haven't seen her YT videos, here's one lol.... :look:

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Im not a belle but lurk. And love this lady's videos.

I loved this one on making time to date the man you're interested in when he asks you out. I hear so much the opposite in these parts and rl :look:. Way to make a man go elsewhere. Part of the feminine side of the pursuit is not to be so busy as to push him away but to make him work emotionally (and strategically) for your affections. In order to do that, dude has to actually see you. Lol.

Ive always been available for men i want and who obviously want me. I think its more important to make a (small yet big) deal in a semi not so subtle way :lol: to the man, how much youre moving your schedule to accommodate him for that date.

Your actions speak loudly to him as much as his should to you. Ive seen so many women lose good men to the next chick because they think playing games like this is actually the girl side of the pursuit. Its not. Just makes it look like you dont want to see him. :ohwell::nono:



Back to :lurking:
 
DarkJoy said:
Im not a belle but lurk. And love this lady's videos.

I loved this one on making time to date the man you're interested in when he asks you out. I hear so much the opposite in these parts and rl :look:. Way to make a man go elsewhere. Part of the feminine side of the pursuit is not to be so busy as to push him away but to make him work emotionally (and strategically) for your affections. In order to do that, dude has to actually see you. Lol.

Ive always been available for men i want and who obviously want me. I think its more important to make a (small yet big) deal in a semi not so subtle way :lol: to the man, how much youre moving your schedule to accommodate him for that date.

Your actions speak loudly to him as much as his should to you. Ive seen so many women lose good men to the next chick because they think playing games like this is actually the girl side of the pursuit. Its not. Just makes it look like you dont want to see him. :ohwell::nono:



Back to :lurking:
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Good reminder. :up: Thanks for sharing this video. :)

I think in the past, due to "The Rules" and WMLB, in the effort of not appearing "too eager" or like I don't have "a life", I've made the mistake of making it seem like I was TOO busy to go out with a guy when he asked. In turn, some guys really did give up easily and I THINK he assumed I wasn't all that interested.

This video is good because it shows that it's okay for women to relax a little and sit back and actually accept a man's offer for dates. I wouldn't make myself ALWAYS available....but at least be available for the first couple of dates!

I think I recently turned a man off slightly by not being able to go to 2 things he invited me to. I couldn't help it, I really did have valid reasons for not being able to go! Now he doesn't invite me anymore lol. After just two tries lol. :( He's just a "friend", but it's kind of obvious to myself (and even others) he's kind of interested in me. I honestly wasn't lying...I really had other things I needed to do. BUT...I really could have rearranged my plans if I WANTED to. It wasn't impossible. The first thing he invited me to was so last minute (the same day....a few hours beforehand in fact), so I declined. The second thing I was invited to was something that was taking place on a day that I had prior plans earlier. I knew I would be tired, so I declined his other invite. :-/ Oh well....guess he won't be inviting me out anymore lol. Guess you live and you learn!

In the future I'll be more OPEN to taking men up on their advances....even if it means rearranging my schedule some. After all, the feminine energy is open, and RECEPTIVE to a man's pursuit. Actually, I think men are turned on by SUCCESS. It already probably takes them a lot of guts to even ask a woman out, so if they get turned down once, or twice by the same woman, they'll probably just give up. Especially if they have other women who they know would gladly accept their advances. SOME men may like "the chase", but if the "chase" is all they are after, I think they will quickly get bored once you give in.
 
caribeandiva said:
Gold nugget from Love and respect: "The way to fully love a husband (or any man) is to respect him in ways that are meaningful to him." Wow...
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Definitely a gold nugget!

I've heard this sentiment before....but in another book. I forget what it's called, but it was about different people's "needs", and how most people want you to view them the way that they view themselves. Or, let's say for example someone feels that they are very knowledgeable in technology. If you can get him to draw himself out regarding his technology "knowledge" and seem fascinated by it, he will feel a fondness for you probably more than someone who's trying to draw the same person out by talking about nature, or some other topic that doesn't really interest him/or feel knowledgeable about.

Most people like to feel respected and admired for what THEY deem is important to THEM. I forgot the name of the book. I think it was more a book on social interaction/good social skills as opposed to a relationship book though. If I remember the name I'll post it here. It was very interesting.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Good reminder. :up: Thanks for sharing this video. :)

I think in the past, due to "The Rules" and WMLB, in the effort of not appearing "too eager" or like I don't have "a life", I've made the mistake of making it seem like I was TOO busy to go out with a guy when he asked. In turn, some guys really did give up easily and I THINK he assumed I wasn't all that interested.

This video is good because it shows that it's okay for women to relax a little and sit back and actually accept a man's offer for dates. I wouldn't make myself ALWAYS available....but at least be available for the first couple of dates!

I think I recently turned a man off slightly by not being able to go to 2 things he invited me to. I couldn't help it, I really did have valid reasons for not being able to go! Now he doesn't invite me anymore lol. After just two tries lol. :( He's just a "friend", but it's kind of obvious to myself (and even others) he's kind of interested in me. I honestly wasn't lying...I really had other things I needed to do. BUT...I really could have rearranged my plans if I WANTED to. It wasn't impossible. The first thing he invited me to was so last minute (the same day....a few hours beforehand in fact), so I declined. The second thing I was invited to was something that was taking place on a day that I had prior plans earlier. I knew I would be tired, so I declined his other invite. :-/ Oh well....guess he won't be inviting me out anymore lol. Guess you live and you learn!

In the future I'll be more OPEN to taking men up on their advances....even if it means rearranging my schedule some. After all, the feminine energy is open, and RECEPTIVE to a man's pursuit. Actually, I think men are turned on by SUCCESS. It already probably takes them a lot of guts to even ask a woman out, so if they get turned down once, or twice by the same woman, they'll probably just give up. Especially if they have other women who they know would gladly accept their advances. SOME men may like "the chase", but if the "chase" is all they are after, I think they will quickly get bored once you give in.
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I don't think you didn't anything wrong here. He asked you out last minute and the next time you already had plans you didn't wanna get out of. I would've done the same thing. Only thing I'd do differently next time is to suggest a time that's better for you if you have plans on the day he wants to take you out.
 
Whew! I finally made it through this thread after three days. Threads like this are why I keep subscribing. Thank you all for your contributions and suggestions. I am learning so much.

I had a cookout with a friend on Monday, and instead of allowing him to put the little grill together, which he bought, I did it and then giggled when he expressed upset that I did what he saw as his job. He looked so hurt and asked me how it would look to my neighbors that I put the grill together. I had been reading TQC, so I immediately felt apologetic. He wanted to do it for me and I stole his thunder. I apologized, and he accepted, but for the rest of the night I couldn't help but wonder how often I hurt my exes and never even noticed. I realised if I was a man, I probably wouldn't stay with me either. Lol!

I'm embarrassed by it now, but I can remember treating men like they had no feelings at all. It's awful. I am working on not living in that regret, and I am putting my sword down for good. I sure am good at wielding that thing, though.
 
prettybyrd said:
I couldn't help but wonder how often I hurt my exes and never even noticed. I realised if I was a man, I probably wouldn't stay with me either. Lol!
Click to expand...
And I wondered why I stayed single for so long! :lol: Been there done that. Men are a lot more sensitive than we realize. If they're hurt they shut down and leave without saying anything. Sometimes for good. Us women have to "get it off our chests" and talk about it. THEN we can move on. We expect the same from men but they're not hairy women. :lol:

prettybyrd said:
I'm embarrassed by it now, but I can remember treating men like they had no feelings at all. It's awful. I am working on not living in that regret, and I am putting my sword down for good. I sure am good at wielding that thing, though.
Click to expand...
Again, yes. We've been brainwashed to believe that men "can take it" and have no feelings. I remember the first time I did something hurtful to one of my exes when I was in my early 20s. I wielded my sword and cut him with it. I was genuinely surprised that his feelings were hurt. My sister was like: "why are you so shocked? He's human too isn't he? He's got feelings too." Putting down our sword take courage because it leaves you feeling exposed and vulnerable. When we stop wielding that sword all willy nilly then the man gets to step up and protect us like he's supposed to! He can't protect us when he's constantly guarding himself against our attacks or recovering from the wounds we keep giving him. When I think of it like it makes no sense to me to pick my sword back up. It's counterintuitive.
 
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