Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

[LovingLady]

@Kimbosheart I will purchasing the book, so you I will be talking your ears off.

Random Thought: It dawned on me yesterday that your environment can make you are break you. I knew it had an influence but not to the level I am now realizing.

 

[Kimbosheart]

It just dawned on me to add, that ladies in their mid to late 30's or who have been married for some years may read some of the material and find it obvious. I think this is because some of this is experience based and I think the older you are the more experiences you naturally have and have had to adapt to. That's why I'm saying she isn't saying anything "new" just putting it all together and saying it in a clear, concise and memorable way. Also, I like how she draws the relationships together for different occurences for men and women and our interactions.

 

[MizAvalon]

This is such an awesome thread! Lots of real gems in here.

 

[caribeandiva]

I gave in and bought Powerful and Feminine kindle version. I'm only on the 3rd chapter. I'm glad I bought it.

 

[sweetvi]

I'm reading the Queen code. I love it so far. thank you girl!

 

[Kimbosheart]

I'm so happy y'all like it. I think the story telling is a bit corny but it makes it easier to read the information faster and helps you see how to apply it right away.

One thing I am happy about, is that men seem to have short memories and forgive easily. I think that's why her methods turn things around quickly. Men aren't too concerned with the past. As long as you make it good now.

 

[Saga]

Just scrolling through this thread, always interested in learning more about femininity.
Here are my test results:

How Feminine Are You?
Your result = 82 out of 105

You embody and express many aspects of the feminine essence and are currently living your life in harmony with your feminine qualities. Somewhere along the road of life you have learned and experienced that expressing your feminine side is important and fulfilling for a woman. Learning to embrace more of your feminine side can bring more pleasure, creativity and deeper intimacy in relationships.

 

[nerdography]

I just bought The Power of Femininity and Fascinating Womanhood. They arrived in the mail on Friday and I started reading The Power of Femininity. I've only read the first three chapters, but so far it has confirmed a lot of thoughts that I had, but it provided new information.

 

[IronButterfly]

Finally! Took that test again. This time I scored 97/105. Score! I am WOMAN.

 

[caribeandiva]

@LovingLady I like this idea very much!

Also in terms of resources, I am interested in reading the Madame Chic series. Has anyone already read any of them?
http://dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com/

And I added a new blog to my collection today. I am not a housewife but in that niche of the blogosphere I am finding many feminine tips for life at home and this one comes with fashion too!
http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2015/06/marilyn-monroe-fashion/
http://theglamoroushousewife.com/category/style/curated-classic-style/

I read the first Madame Chic book last year. I really like it. It thought me the importance of pretty underwear. Because of this book I still take time to sit down to consciously eat instead of eating on the go as much as I can. I don't always succeed though but I'll keep trying!

 

[barbiesocialite]

This is such an awesome thread! Lots of real gems in here.

it really is.

Times like this I wish we still had thread tags because there's such an abundance and variety of information that I'm sure a lot of women would like to benefit from.

 

[LovingLady]

One thing I am happy about, is that men seem to have short memories and forgive easily. I think that's why her methods turn things around quickly. Men aren't too concerned with the past. As long as you make it good now.

I really love this about men.

 

[LovingLady]

Has anyone entered into pageants? I am thinking heavily thinking about entering into one.

 

[LovingLady]

Just want to add that members DO pay attention to nails. I once had a guy tell me that he loved my purple nail polish, but he hated my grey nail polish because it "looked old."

Adding different colors or designs should change the results.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

WOW!!! So many gems in here! Keep them coming ladies!

I don't even know where to start!

@Crystalicequeen123 BBC REAM is a beauty balm perfector. The Asians were using them for a long time which eventually migrated to the states. It has many properties and works as a light foundation with spf 30 for sunscreen. It also is a moisturizer and helps blurs imperfections. I've used it once and so far likes it. I got the maybelline version from walgreens.

Thanks so much for the tips!

I gave in and bought Powerful and Feminine kindle version. I'm only on the 3rd chapter. I'm glad I bought it.

Oh good!!! I'm glad! This book is a really good start. Isn't it interesting?

I'm so happy y'all like it. I think the story telling is a bit corny but it makes it easier to read the information faster and helps you see how to apply it right away.

One thing I am happy about, is that men seem to have short memories and forgive easily. I think that's why her methods turn things around quickly. Men aren't too concerned with the past. As long as you make it good now.

That's one thing that I have heard as well. Men don't usually hold "grudges" like women do. I think because we as women are more "emotional", we can hold people accountable for a VERY long time. Whereas men can more easily forgive the past as long as the present is good. That's why a woman can be a 5, but then under go a complete makeover transformation (clothes, style, hair, makeup, etc) and blossom into an 8 or a 9, and the guys will start salivating.... They will completely forget that the same woman was one they used to ignore or not give a second thought about lol.

Finally! Took that test again. This time I scored 97/105. Score! I am WOMAN.

Wow!! Go girl!!!

It will be interesting to see if our scores change after we've been doing this challenge for 6 months or more. I'm glad I noted at the beginning of this thread what score I had lol...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Lately I discovered that, once again, men are much more literal than that. What men mean when they say “there’s no comparison” is exactly that – the mechanism of automatically comparing their choice to other women is turned off, no longer operational – shut down completely. They simply find themselves no longer comparing. They experience this as an enormous freedom. For the perpetual hunter, the hunt is over and they can relax.”

Feedback on the last Morsel has been fascinating. Men wrote that we articulated something that they have tried to express for years. Women wrote, somewhat in a panic, wanting to know “when does this happen?” As near as we can tell, it happens immediately. That’s both the bad news and the good news, ladies.

The bad news is that if the comparison function doesn’t turn off right way, then it never will – no matter how much he cares about you, loves you or gets to know you better. It’s futile to ask to be “given a chance.”

The good news is that “no comparison” is available! As women, we can feel when we’re being compared to other women and it doesn’t feel good. Even when we “win,” it’s threatening to us and destructive to our relationships with other women. That it’s possible for a man to meet a woman and feel that the hunt is over, that she is the destination, is wonderful. We recommend that women look around to see for what men you are that. With so much at stake, he probably needs your encouragement to pursue you.

Girl you are dropping some knowlege up in here!!!

I have NEVER heard things explained this way before! I guess it makes sense. Men feel like they have found "the one" when they no longer have a desire to continue looking/searching for a "new" woman. The woman they have is all they ever wanted in a woman, and they don't feel like they can find a new woman who embodies everything they've been wanting in one woman before.

I think this is the same for me. When I am with a guy who I feel like I'm "settling" for, I don't feel satisfied, because I'm always on the lookout for a new guy, or wondering what would happen if I met a new guy who I felt more compatible with or excited about. It's an unsettling feeling. I have realized that the guys who I was most crazy about were always the guys who I didn't even think (or wonder) about "other" dudes. I liked the guy so much because he basically encompassed everything that I had been looking for in a man, and so therefore I didn't feel the need to "keep my options open" anymore.

Another thing I like about her is she talks about the top 4 qualities that are attractive to men in a non-physical way. These qualities compel men to respond in a certain way for each one and when you add these qualities to a physical attraction you get a romantic relationship and possibly love. The qualities are not feminine/masculine but she explains how the feminine expression of them draw men to you. Now if you can maintain those qualities while not emasculating him, plus you break his comparison mechanism, and he's in a place where he is ready to provide (in his way) for a wife, thats when he's inspired to go out shopping for the ring and you're golden. But some of these things are harder than they sound, especially if you have habits built over a lifetime. Some of these bad habits, I picked up in college and while working in corporate America and then just didn't switch when I got home or went out socially. Some of them, were always there in girl talk and while my examples growing up were stellar and most of my experiences with men have been great it's good to look back at things with new information to understand what I was seeing.

I've been trying this out over the past week and a half and I already see amazing results, even over the phone with my four year old boy cousins. So I'm going to keep practicing and noticing some of these changes and responses.

Last note, the interesting thing about trying to cultivate a quality in yourself you have to understand what you are measuring against. I don't want to be more feminine than the next feminine woman, I want my femininity to be as compared to masculinity in men. So understanding men, seems to be bringing out the most feminine in me, rather than studying another women's expression of her feminine qualities. The way she presents the information has been the most clear and works the best for me. I also love how she recommends movies and other authors to study to help cement a concept.

Ummm........details please??

You can't just give us a teaser like that and not at least tell us what those 4 qualities are! Girl! I'm gonna get you!

Here are the resources I'm using to gather as much information from Alison Armstrong as I can at the lowest cost. I may not purchase everything on this list. This is just what I have found that is out there that don't require signing up for the $1k workshops.


Where I started:

Book 1: keys to the kingdom
- this book is on the stages of development for men. If you're more interested in when men get married, why they get married, or if you are currently living with a man and are having some issues, start here. This is also book 1 so the characters are introduced. The fictionalized writing is decent---not great but the information she is trying to impart is spot on.

Book 2: The Queen's Code or you can order it from her site and for $5 more you get some videos at the end of each chapter where she is answering in-depth to concepts from each chapter. I choose the $15 option The Queen's Code site

Book 2 is probably a better start for single women. You can begin to implement the concepts immediately and see a difference.


Other free resources:

youtube playlist
Queen's code articles
Understanding Men Articles

Next Purchases:

Understanding Women: Unlock the Mystery
In Sync with the Opposite Sex
Celebrating Partnerships
Celebrating Love

Thanks for this! I'm going to defintely check these resources out. I feel like I'm behind some, but I need to catch up soon! I feel like I have learned SO much in the past year just from reading, and it is making me a much better woman.

Some secular books I think EVERY young woman should have on their shelf/or required reading material:
-The Rules
-Powerful & Feminine
-The Queen's Code (Still need to read this, but so far it sounds like a gem )
-Understanding Men
-How to Make Anyone Fall In Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less
-Calling in The One (FOR SURE! This book has changed my life and I'm not even half-way done yet )

 

[Kimbosheart]

Ok, updated review. The understanding men ebook is $7 on amazon. You don't need to buy it. It's not a commercial as mentioned in the reviews but if you are willing to read through her articles she gives away the same info for free.

I have no problem sharing the attraction factors, but I definitely recommend reading through the body of work she has available because none of these tidbits exist in a vacuum. Different things motivate men vs. women and it depends on what stage they are in their life and what the focus is at that point for a man plus energy vs. reward from a particular action.

Physical Attraction:
1. sexual energy
2. sensuality
3. shapely body
4. shiny hair

all these make a man want to bed you

Charmed and Enchanted
1. self confidence --> makes men spend time with you
2. authenticity --> makes men want to take care of and protect you
3. passion --->makes men want to contribute to you
4. receptivity --->makes men want to make you happy

That's it. She says pick a passion about anything, but when you have that on your own and you share it with him authentically they can't resist it.

So for the sake of discussion on here. I wrote out my passions and what they did for me in these other areas. So let's take ballet. I've danced ballet from 2-22, so it is a part of my identity (authenticity, confidence). My body feels best when dancing, plus it's good exercise and keeps me thinner (self confidence). For a 32 yr old with a full-time career and a part time side hustle the fact that I put in 3-5 classes each week---heck yes I'm passionate about this. And yes, I believe you can see it in my face. And do you know, he will bend over backwards and took over a bill to make sure I could afford my lessons and that I make them on-time (receptivity). He loves to hear how classes went.

Once I read that breakdown it was like I was hit with the obvious stick. It's that easy.

I'm not worried about the physical factors per se, but she gives some great tips on how to cultivate those. For instance she mentions don't worry about shiny hair that more of an evolutionary thing. For a shapely body, like men who like your shape. They don't care about skinny or fat. If they have a favorite curve they will seek the woman with that curve. For sensuality, she mentions dancing and focusing on the pleasure you get from your senses. So eating increases it, or touch something velvety and notice it. For the sexual energy she said the best way to cultivate that is to sleep. Because that kind of energy is very taxing. She explains it further in the understanding men book but see review above.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Oh.. so y'all know she is my current guru on this stuff. But here is the number one tip for being more feminine. She says this in so many words in so many interviews, books, etc. Women have 2 needs.

1. To feel safe (protected)
2. To feel loved

Number 1 is the most important.

If you are ever feeling like you are too masculine in an area or a situation. Find a way to make yourself feel safer that does not also emasculate the man involved. It's best if you can find a man to provide that feeling of safety. Friend, coworker, brother, boyfriend, FATHER (which may be getting too deep about connections we've already made in this thread about women with fathers vs. those without)

 

[Kimbosheart]

I liked the guy so much because he basically encompassed everything that I had been looking for in a man, and so therefore I didn't feel the need to "keep my options open" anymore.




Ummm........details please??

You can't just give us a teaser like that and not at least tell us what those 4 qualities are! Girl! I'm gonna get you!

@Crystalicequeen123
Y'all are lucky it's a slow day at work today, plus I just love this stuff and I wish I had found it years ago. So anything to help.

First bolded: keep reading and researching, I bet there is a different explanation for this. Women are supposed to compare even when we are highly satisfied. So this phenomenon isn't the exact same for a women as it is for a man. We tend to close off our options for a man too soon and when it's not fully earned.

Second Bolded: Cute story. She says that little boys are knights in training (keys to the kingdom book) so they love risky things and any chance they have to be your hero. So I was talking on the phone to my Aunt and her 3 boys (4yr old twins and 8 yr old) were making so much noise in the background we couldn't hear each other. So I asked if I could talk to the twins first. So I asked them how they were and what did they do that was fun and that was a 10 min world's cutest conversation. Then I asked them if they would help cousin kimbosheart but they needed to work with their big brother. I told them I really needed their mom's help because I had a problem and in order for them to help me solve it I needed them to quiet down for awhile. Y'all..... they talked to each other and my 8 yr old cousin told "the brothers" that they were going to play quiet in the other room until I called them back on the phone. It worked... I did have to thank them before I got off the phone with my aunt. I told them they were my hero's because I could hear my aunt and that solved my problem and I appreciated how much they loved me. My aunt was like what did you say to them.... she was so cute. I told her we can't overuse it though. I need to stay creative. But men don't respond to criticism (nagging) you have to tell them exactly what you need and what it will provide to you.

In the keys to the kingdom she breaks down men's development from childhood to old man and she addresses common mistakes women make at each stage and best practices. So I can say for little boys her stuff worked that time. I'll have to keep trying.

Third Bolded: see above boo.

 

[LoveisYou]

Adding different colors or designs should change the results.

I probably couldn't show up to my job with those nails lol. They're pretty though!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Kimbosheart awww that was the cutest story!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Mini Update ladies....

Well....I took the weave out this weekend. My gf who's a hair stylist took it down for me. Goodbye weave! R.I.P.

Honestly, I was GLAD to get that thing off my head lol... Idk how people can wear weaves 24/7 ALL the time.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVED the fact that I could wake up in the morning and not have to worry about how I would do my hair, styling was a breeze (just a little brushing, curling, and I'm out the door ), I looked FAB every single day lol , and I got loads of compliments!

But overall I missed my OWN hair. I guess because I never really grew up wearing weaves (this was only my 2nd one in my lifetime!), I just grew tired of it after a while. I felt like I was wearing a helmet on my head . Plus, ever since I went natural, I have never been able to tolerate additional hair that was not mine on my head. My scalp goes crazy! It starts itching, gets irritated, etc. I just couldn't stand the itching any longer lol... I had to get that thing out.

When I washed my hair Saturday night, I lost SO much hair. It was coming out in clumps! I had a ball of hair left when I got through with all of the pre-pooing, washing, protein treatment, washing again, deep conditioning, and then twisting of my hair. My poor hair! Plus, as soon as I saw how thin my hair is (compared to the weave) I felt not as feminine anymore. I may have natural hair, but I'm a fine-haired natural. I don't have dense/thick hair at all. I WISH! But no...it's just not in my genes I guess.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little better today lol.... But, I DO miss my long fake hair... I don't miss it on my head, I just miss the LENGTH.

But I am determined ladies to grow out my natural hair and to do better with my hair care regimen. I've realized that I have to revamp my natural hair care techniques for West-Coast living lol, so I have started re-reading some books on natural hair that I got a few years ago.

I LOVE how long hair looks on me, and I LOVE big hair I feel my most feminine with long hair. It's not even the texture that I care about, just the LENGTH I wish my hair were thicker also, but I have to play with the hand I've been dealt. I know I won't have thick hair, especially the longer it grows, but I'm just curious as to how long it can grow if I really treat my hair like fine silk. I know femininity is NOT based on how "long" your hair is, but I just feel my BEST with longer hair. I look better too. So far I've been getting a couple of compliments at work about my twists. It's not "wow, you're so beautiful!" or "you look amaaaazing!" like I was getting with the weave , but I'll survive lol.

I MUCH rather prefer my OWN hair honestly. I feel happier w/my own hair...whether it's kinky, coily, heat straightened, or relaxed, I MUCH prefer my OWN hair. I'll probably experiment again in the future with more Protective Styles using weaves, wigs, etc. But right now I'm just glad to have my own hair back lol

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

By the way, has anyone else heard of this site? The Feminine Woman

**DISCLAIMER: I haven't perused through the entire site in-depth, so I don't know if there's anything that WOC would consider "offensive", but so far from skimming the site I actually like a lot of the articles on this woman's blog. Pretty interesting stuff.

I'll keep looking to see if there's anything I can glean from it, and I'm crossing my fingers that there's nothing shady/offensive in there, but so far it seems like it's a positive site. It seems more geared towards women/femininity/and relationships w/men. I'm guessing that how you view men and your experiences w/men says a lot about how comfortable you will feel expressing your femininity to the world, since they are the "other half" of the equation. Quite literally our "opposite" half. The yin/yang relationship if you will.

I thought this article was especially interesting........
How to Bring Out your High Value & Unique Feminine Energy

 

[TracyNicole]

@Crystalicequeen123 I totally get what you mean. I wore a ton of weaves/wigs because even as my hair grew it still looked so thin. When I really started working on myself I identified that I felt better with longer hair and I mostly like to wear it curled and down. Since relaxers, straightening my natural hair and twists all highlighted how sparse my hair looks none of those things worked...so I finally bit the bullet and got sisterlocks last fall. I am so pleased with the outcome. I am getting tons of compliments on my hair. We went to a cookout last weekend and a girlfriend's husband complimented my hair. Apparently his wife wanted to get locks and he wasn't really on board but said seeing my hair up close and personal sold him on the idea. I was so pleased because it's still short!

@Kimbosheart You are so right about it not being a matter of size. When I was working out and taking dance classes several times a week I loved the skin I was in. Then I got so busy with work and parenting I started to neglect myself and the more I neglected myself the more I found fault in how my body looks rather than being able to praise what it can do. I need to figure out how I can change my schedule up to spend more time doing things for my own well being.

 

[LovingLady]

I probably couldn't show up to my job with those nails lol. They're pretty though!

I know what you mean. It is nice to know you can take "old" colors and glam it up. I especially like the last one.

@TracyNicole maybe you can find a gym/dance studio/YMCA/dojo that has classes for children and adults. So while you are focusing on yourself your children will be bettering themselves as well. It would be wonder to have your kids see their mom enjoying her life. I can't explain it but I think it makes children happy especially girls.

 

[Kimbosheart]

@TracyNicole I love sisterlocks and locks in general! I love black hair it is so versatile. I did it, I cut my grazing BSL hair to a shoulder length bob and added some color. I love the cut and style but I'm going to have to be very diligent with my hair regimen now because of the color.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123 I totally get what you mean. I wore a ton of weaves/wigs because even as my hair grew it still looked so thin. When I really started working on myself I identified that I felt better with longer hair and I mostly like to wear it curled and down. Since relaxers, straightening my natural hair and twists all highlighted how sparse my hair looks none of those things worked...so I finally bit the bullet and got sisterlocks last fall. I am so pleased with the outcome. I am getting tons of compliments on my hair. We went to a cookout last weekend and a girlfriend's husband complimented my hair. Apparently his wife wanted to get locks and he wasn't really on board but said seeing my hair up close and personal sold him on the idea. I was so pleased because it's still short!

.

Yea girl...unfortunately I've been dealt the fine/thin-haired naturals hand in life. When I look at the women in my family (mother, grandmother, great aunt, etc)....ALL of them had fine-textured hair....Never thick/coarse/high-density hair. I think my mom has the thicker hair of all of them, but even over the years her hair has thinned out some due to older age and menopause.

So, I know thick natural hair will never be in my future. It may LOOK thick if it's in an afro, but if you were to touch it and run your hands through it, you would quickly see that it is soft,fine, and not dense. I wouldn't even mind the soft/fine texture if I just had more DENSITY (ie. more strands of hair)! Oh well.. no sense complaining lol.

I'm glad you love your sister locks! I personally love sister locks. If I were to loc I would do sister locs as opposed to dreads. In fact, dreads probably would look like 8-10 strands on my head LOL!


@Kimbosheart Wow you are really dedicated to ballet! That's awesome girl! I took one ballet class in college as an elective, and I loved it! It is hard work! It may look graceful, but it is some serious HARD work lol.

I LOVE to dance, and I realize that my affinity for dancing has waned over the years. I just don't feel like I have the time. I don't even dance in my room with my music on like I used to, and I need to do better w/that. I was on the treadmill last night at the gym, and I was listening to music. I started to move my hips and sway to the music gently (almost like doing salsa dancing moves on the treadmill), and I have to admit, I DID feel more feminine. I think sometimes work/jobs/career can make me feel so "masculine" and if I don't come home to harness my more feminine energy, I can find myself getting more of a masculine vibe/energy or even worse, a neutral/asexual vibe, and I don't want that.

I want to take some modern dance classes in the fall, and I can't wait to try to get back into dancing again. It will help me stay in shape, and plus, I think it really does make a difference in the feminine energy for sure.

 

[LovingLady]

I am watching the show Home Free and after one of the challenges two women congratulated each other the same way that men do.

 

[Kimbosheart]

My this thread has calmed down. How is everyone doing?

 

[sweetvi]

@Kimbosheart. I'm reading The Queens Code. I feel like I unlocked some hidden treasure lol. The story is corny but I like it anyway. I've been learning to do self reflections and I feel like some failed relationships were also my doing. I've been so independent and self sufficient, that I carried that over in my love life. Instead of letting him do. I would plan and do everything and thus causing tem to take me for granted. Ok. ttyl..going back to finish the book