Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

[sweetvi]

I woke up this morning a little discouraged . I would never in a million years imagine I would be single in my mid 30's. I know we are encouraging each other to become feminine and hopefully meet someone wonderful. However, I can't help but to think why me . I just spoke to my girlfriend and I can hear her kids n husband in the background . They r planning vacations and getaways and I can't help but to be sad about it. I have sych yearning in my soul. We used to talk about the life we wanted when we were younger and I feel she lucked out and I didn't. Smh. Sorry to put a damper but I appreciate this thread and want to continue in the positive direction that we have..

 

[Kimbosheart]

@sweetvi I think it's perfectly normal to feel discouraged about your situation..no matter what that situation is. I'm all for allowing myself a few minutes to feel down and then "chin up buttercup"

A few words on being single and then a word on femininity.

I'm learning, everyday, that no matter where you are in life it's important to appreciate where you are now but know where you want to go. At any stage of life there are benefits and sacrifices. Never ever ever compare yourself to anyone else. This is hard for women but remember you are only competing with you. You only have to measure up to you. You only have to do or be better than you. Your married friend, has to put up with her stinky husband, if he's not messy, he's probably so anal it's annoying. Those kids sure are cute and she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world but sleep and being able to use the restroom in private. And the getaways are fun but she may get interrupted by a sick child, or she has to compromise on the itinerary so that castle she wanted to tour lost to the pub crawl.. Or whatever.... these may not be the case, just an illustration. Alternatively, if you were in a relationship there are ways you change your behavior subtly to infuse someone in your life. And then there is the passion/headache of balancing him and the life you wanted to lead before you settled down or my personal favorite, the drama of waiting for the ring.

Try not to drive yourself crazy or depressed with being single. Not only be thankful for where you are but make a plan to get where you want to go. Have some alternatives, draw up an action plan and act on it. There are so many wonderful, single, eligible men out there. You don't have to settle. And because he is taking his time to find you, that means he is going to be a good one.

Hint, the action plan is being the best you possible. The message on femininity, is not to meet someone wonderful the point is to be all that you can be. We were born with the equipment and the knowledge is encoded in our DNA. This thread in my opinion is about hacks to get us to unlock what we already have encoded. I thoroughly believe that when a women is in her full expression of feminine essence she is unstoppable.

Again, not to turn this into the Christian Forum but, I believe that any dream God puts on your heart, he will make happen. My daily struggle is to let Him make it happen and to get out of the way.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I'll share a bit. Due to my own drama (hint above) I'm in this thread to get back to who I am and how I like to feel and interact in the World. In Houston we have a leisure learning unlimited center which is basically a bunch of classes on a variety of topics for adults. So I've always wanted to take a few classes. I'm interested in tennis (cute outfits), adult gymnastics, calligraphy, painting, piano, cooking classes and interior decorating. The classes are usually no more than 1-4 weekly sessions usually for 2 hours and the costs is $74-115. I could keep myself busy all year just taking one course a month and might discover something that I'm really good at.

 

[sweetvi]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I was going through a moment and comparing myself to her because when we were young, that is all we talked about and how we had our life planned. However, the course in feminity is teaching us to live in the moment. To enjoy what we have and be present and grateful. I have done so much and experienced so much happiness that being married would just be the icing on the sweet life God has given me. Although I'm yearning for family. I know in due time it will come. Thanx girl

I'll share a bit. Due to my own drama (hint above) I'm in this thread to get back to who I am and how I like to feel and interact in the World. In Houston we have a leisure learning unlimited center which is basically a bunch of classes on a variety of topics for adults. So I've always wanted to take a few classes. I'm interested in tennis (cute outfits), adult gymnastics, calligraphy, painting, piano, cooking classes and interior decorating. The classes are usually no more than 1-4 weekly sessions usually for 2 hours and the costs is $74-115. I could keep myself busy all year just taking one course a month and might discover something that I'm really good at.

 

[shermeezy]

I absolutely love this thread. It's full of positive energy and great information. Just thought it was time that I contribute and add a brief introduction since I've been lurking and reading through posts for a while.


So, I was always pretty girly/feminine. However, I've always had my father and others pressuring me to be more tough. I'm an only child and my father comes from a family of serious athletes. Unfortunately for him, his only daughter was more interested in dance and modeling. As an adult, surprisingly, I entered the male dominated Tech field. I felt really insecure in the beginning of my career and due to career pressure and a dose of sexual harassment, I began to exhibit more masculine traits. I recognized so much of myself in Rachael's book, Powerful and Feminine. I stopped wearing skirts and started to minimize my appearance because I felt like my femininity had caused problems at work. In truth, it was the losers I was working with that were the problem. I should have changed jobs, not myself. LOL


Anywho, to make a long story short. I noticed several years later that my transformation was so complete that I didn't even feel like a woman at work. I felt awkward when I dressed feminine outside of work. I lost my sense of style. I just felt kind of neutral, with my harsh wardrobe of grey and black. So, I started my natural hair journey, which led to the healthy eating journey, which led my skincare regimen. I’m all about self-improvement and I really enjoy the process. So, I decided to start embracing my feminine side again. I thought it would be easy to pick up where I left off but there have been struggles. I purchased several dresses and flowy shirts. However, I still worry about attracting too much attention or looking too pretty for work. I worry about not blending in with the guys. However, I have noticed that with Rachael’s approach, it’s not just about your outward appearance. You have to work on feeling comfortable with your body, your feminine essence. Those exercises have really helped me. I started dancing at home more and appreciating my feminine qualities. Speaking from my “womb space” has helped me to sound more calm in meetings, rather than rushing to finish. I’ve noticed that with my more feminine appearance, people actually seem to listen to me more.


I’m almost done, I promise! So anyway, I wore a mauve dress to visit my dh at his job one day. I was on my way to a luncheon. My dh, who has always complained that my wardrobe has no color, proceeded to walk me around to everyone’s office and speak to everyone. He never does this. He later told me, he just wanted to show me off! I still smile when I think about that day. I sometimes forget that men are visual creatures. I purchased some new PJs and stopped sleeping in t-shirts and my dh told me I looked nice. LOL I’m noticing a change in him, but more importantly, I’m having so much fun with all of this and I’m starting to feel comfortable being feminine again.


Next up, is making my home beautiful and inviting. Also, I still haven't figured out how to manage my hair and working out. I still put my hair into buns too much.

 

[LovingLady]

@shermeezy That was a beautiful story thanks for sharing. I hope you reported the sexual harassment. It also happened to me as well and I reported every incidence. That experience showed me that I women can be dressed like a man and can not be doing anything for it to happen. Hiding your femininity does not stop it so you might as well be your beautiful feminine self. It was only after I left the industry that it registered to me how a feminine women is suppose to conduct herself in a man dominate field.

 

[sapphire74]

I'll share a bit. Due to my own drama (hint above) I'm in this thread to get back to who I am and how I like to feel and interact in the World. In Houston we have a leisure learning unlimited center which is basically a bunch of classes on a variety of topics for adults. So I've always wanted to take a few classes. I'm interested in tennis (cute outfits), adult gymnastics, calligraphy, painting, piano, cooking classes and interior decorating. The classes are usually no more than 1-4 weekly sessions usually for 2 hours and the costs is $74-115. I could keep myself busy all year just taking one course a month and might discover something that I'm really good at.

I would love something like this in my area! I am looking for hobbies to keep me busy. I was thinking about learning how to play golf!

 

[theRaven]

I absolutely love this thread. It's full of positive energy and great information. Just thought it was time that I contribute and add a brief introduction since I've been lurking and reading through posts for a while.


So, I was always pretty girly/feminine. However, I've always had my father and others pressuring me to be more tough. I'm an only child and my father comes from a family of serious athletes. Unfortunately for him, his only daughter was more interested in dance and modeling. As an adult, surprisingly, I entered the male dominated Tech field. I felt really insecure in the beginning of my career and due to career pressure and a dose of sexual harassment, I began to exhibit more masculine traits. I recognized so much of myself in Rachael's book, Powerful and Feminine. I stopped wearing skirts and started to minimize my appearance because I felt like my femininity had caused problems at work. In truth, it was the losers I was working with that were the problem. I should have changed jobs, not myself. LOL


Anywho, to make a long story short. I noticed several years later that my transformation was so complete that I didn't even feel like a woman at work. I felt awkward when I dressed feminine outside of work. I lost my sense of style. I just felt kind of neutral, with my harsh wardrobe of grey and black. So, I started my natural hair journey, which led to the healthy eating journey, which led my skincare regimen. I’m all about self-improvement and I really enjoy the process. So, I decided to start embracing my feminine side again. I thought it would be easy to pick up where I left off but there have been struggles. I purchased several dresses and flowy shirts. However, I still worry about attracting too much attention or looking too pretty for work. I worry about not blending in with the guys. However, I have noticed that with Rachael’s approach, it’s not just about your outward appearance. You have to work on feeling comfortable with your body, your feminine essence. Those exercises have really helped me. I started dancing at home more and appreciating my feminine qualities. Speaking from my “womb space” has helped me to sound more calm in meetings, rather than rushing to finish. I’ve noticed that with my more feminine appearance, people actually seem to listen to me more.


I’m almost done, I promise! So anyway, I wore a mauve dress to visit my dh at his job one day. I was on my way to a luncheon. My dh, who has always complained that my wardrobe has no color, proceeded to walk me around to everyone’s office and speak to everyone. He never does this. He later told me, he just wanted to show me off! I still smile when I think about that day. I sometimes forget that men are visual creatures. I purchased some new PJs and stopped sleeping in t-shirts and my dh told me I looked nice. LOL I’m noticing a change in him, but more importantly, I’m having so much fun with all of this and I’m starting to feel comfortable being feminine again.


Next up, is making my home beautiful and inviting. Also, I still haven't figured out how to manage my hair and working out. I still put my hair into buns too much.

I am glad you are becoming your feminine self again. Sorry to hear about your work experience with sexul harrasment and I hope you reported them. As you noted with the Book Powerful and Feminine, feminine traits are equally important as masculine traits. I love hearing feminine traits widely adopted and embraced as a positive Its wonderful news to hear about the positive turnaround with your husband

 

[theRaven]

I'll share a bit. Due to my own drama (hint above) I'm in this thread to get back to who I am and how I like to feel and interact in the World. In Houston we have a leisure learning unlimited center which is basically a bunch of classes on a variety of topics for adults. So I've always wanted to take a few classes. I'm interested in tennis (cute outfits), adult gymnastics, calligraphy, painting, piano, cooking classes and interior decorating. The classes are usually no more than 1-4 weekly sessions usually for 2 hours and the costs is $74-115. I could keep myself busy all year just taking one course a month and might discover something that I'm really good at.

OMG you are in my head Every summer I have been working on improving myself by taking up some hobbies. Right now I delving back into the art world and I'm excersizing my green thumb once again. I took a break from the art world once I graduated high school, but the creator in me misses it dearly.

When I was a little girl I would help to tend to my grandmothers garden, but for some strange reason I became lazy and just stopped. Now I'm composting, taking the yard, and potting a few plants in my room

That's marvelous how the center you attend holds calligraphy and adult gymnastics classes. Those two I am most definitely interested in as well. For now I will just block out a couple of hours of a day to read on the history of calligraphy and fine penmanship. I dearly wish to improve my penmanship.

" I thoroughly believe that when a women is in her full expression of feminine essence she is unstoppable." I wholeheartedly agree with this statement

 

[LovingLady]

@Crystalicequeen123 Here is some hair straightening videos.

 

[smores]

So glad I found this thread!!!!

I consider my self very feminine and others seem to as well, but I want more.

Subscribing now.

Also, my score/results are below.

How Feminine Are You?
Your result = 69 out of 105

You embody and express more feminine qualities than masculine. If you scored closer to 60 you tend to express your masculine essence almost as much as your feminine essence. As a woman it is important to embrace the feminine qualities in order to attract passionate and loving relationships . Embodying the feminine will support you touching yourdeepest longings so you can create what you truly want in your life, rather than settle for less.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hello my fellow Feminine Belle Ladies!!

Sorry I've been MIA lately, but I was out of work all last week due to an intense studying/ministry course that I took last week. I feel very spiritually uplifted and educated. It was SO encouraging! Now it's back to reality...


Anyway, I definitely appreciated the comments on this board. I missed you guys!

I have so much to say, but I'm going to try to keep it short lol.

I woke up this morning a little discouraged . I would never in a million years imagine I would be single in my mid 30's. I know we are encouraging each other to become feminine and hopefully meet someone wonderful. However, I can't help but to think why me . I just spoke to my girlfriend and I can hear her kids n husband in the background . They r planning vacations and getaways and I can't help but to be sad about it. I have sych yearning in my soul. We used to talk about the life we wanted when we were younger and I feel she lucked out and I didn't. Smh. Sorry to put a damper but I appreciate this thread and want to continue in the positive direction that we have..

@sweetvi Girl.....pull up a chair and sit down, because trust me, I know how you feel. I never thought I would be getting close to being in my mid-30's (only a year or two yikes! ) and STILL single. I have to admit, the thought scares me. NOT so much because I don't have a husband yet, but more so because I know how society typically looks at women past age 25 , and my hopes of having my OWN family/children diminish with each passing year I'm not married, because I made a vow that I was saving myself for my husband...and I don't want to be taking care of a baby single, unwedded. I know some women have done that and their kids have turned out perfectly fine, but if I can help it, I want to give my future children a solid, stable, 2-parent household because I know how it was when my parents divorced... It was rough for a little while until my mom re-married. *sigh*

Anyway, those are just MY OWN personal goals... Anyone can do whatever they want when it comes to kids/marriage. I'm not knocking it at all. Some people choose to adopt. That's wonderful, and any child that can be given a stable home (with or without two parents) is a blessing in itself. I just know that for ME if I want to have my OWN natural children, then I need to find someone STAT.... lol

With all of that said however, I try not to think TOO hard about it honestly. Girl, if we thought about all of the things we wanted but didn't have, do you know just how DEPRESSED we would all be??? @Kimbosheart gave you some really GOOD advice. Things that I need to take to heart myself lol. We're all here to lift each other up.

In fact, I know this isn't the Christian forum, but I just HAD to share this point that one of our instructors shared with us during my week of spiritual training. One point he made was so poingnant. He said: "Contentment comes only when you come to truly appreciate what you have NOW as opposed to what you do not have..." It was something to that effect. It's such a simple statement, but it's so profound and true! If we just sat around thinking about all the things we WISH we had now but don't, or all the things we wanted to accomplish by now, but havent....we'd be a bunch of sour individuals lol. But if you instead sit back, take a look at your life (a REAL hard look) and think about all of the things that you DO have and have access to (things that some people don't even have), things you take for granted every single day, you would feel instantly SO much happier.

I think this "attitude of gratitude" is what Oprah, the Secret, the LOA and even the Bible is always preaching about. I used to keep a gratitude journal that I wrote in, but now I just have an app in my phone that I use to put in my things that I'm appreciative for. I've slacked off in writing in it, but I think I'll use that app more often. It really is helpful.

So I guess I say all of this to say.... Girl I FEEL your pain. In my teens I thought I would be married by age 23 lol.... My SISTER (who's younger than me by the way) ended up getting married at 23 before me, and now just had her first child w/her husband. I mean, she's been married for almost 8 years, and I'm still single. I could choose to focus on THAT, or...I could choose to focus on all of the things that I've been able to do at the current moment in all those years that she just hasn't gotten around to doing. While she's been on trips w/her hubby, I've also been on trips with girlfriends and family members over the years. I've been able to deepen my relationship with God, I can come and go when I please, I have FREEDOM lol, I can get adequate sleep lol....whereas right now she's caring for a new baby...., etc. Sometimes she'll call me complaining that she feels like she doesn't have any REAL girlfriends she can consider truly close close friends to tell things with, because she got married so young. Whereas I have a BOATLOAD of girlfriends I can turn to and tell secrets to, because while she was confidinging in her boyfriend (now hubby), I was confiding in my close girlfriends. And since I wasn't married I could go hang out with them whenever I wanted, and in turn really get to know them. Whereas, she couldn't do that much. Sure, she went out on girl's nights every once in a while, but it always had to be planned so way in advance so that the hubby didn't have something planned already. I mean, true, I want to be married (for sure), but when I think about it, there are things I can do that she can't right now. No situation is "better" than the other...it's just DIFFERENT.

One of the things I decided this mid-year is to STOP worrying about things that I cannot personally control. I can't control how a guy feels about me. I can't control/or MAKE a guy pursue me. I can't control if a man falls in love w/me or not. But what I CAN control is my feminine essence, my friendliness, my OUTER apppearance, my class and grace, what I wear, what I eat, my fitness levels, how I spend my time, what I think about, places that I can go to meet more eligible men, etc lol. Once I decided to focus on MYSELF this year and improve myself, I started to feel less and less anxious about "will I ever find someone?". There are times when I still get a little impatient (usually around that cycle time ), but I have conciously given up the worrying and the when and how to God. I feel SO much more at peace w/myself now.

I also realized something else while reading the Powerful and Feminine Book, and also by being on this thread...... While it’s OKAY to get a little discouraged and feel a little down at times about being single (it happens to the best of us), constantly worrying and feeling anxious about being single or wanting to be married is definitely NOT a feminine trait. Because when you think about it, the feminine essence RECEIVES what comes her way. It’s passive. It’s not the masculine “action-oriented” essence. It is different in that no matter what comes her way, she knows she will get her needs met, and she doesn’t have to worry. This worry-free/care-free attitude is VERY attractive to men. It may be hard for us to convey this at times as women, but when a woman is fully INTO herself and is not giving a care to the world about whether her needs will be met or not (because she knows they WILL regardless), that type of energy is VERY attractive. Worrying and having anxiety is more so a MASCULINE trait in that if you're worrying about something, it's because you feel like you can control it. I know I can't control the sun or the weather, so I don't sit up at night anxiously worrying about it. Men are "doers". They are givers. If anyone should have the trait of worrying it should be MEN. Women are RECEIVERS. We are the passive ones. Just like a electrical outlet. The male part is the piece/chord that goes INTO the wall outlet. The wall outlet doesn't go looking for an extension chord or plug! No...it receives. Just like our body parts....

Now, I’m not saying you should be passive in the sense of just sitting at home twiddling your thumbs waiting for a man to drop in your lap. No way.. That almost never happens lol.

But go out, do things, look cute, LIVE YOUR LIFE, but do it without worry. You may notice things starting to shift eventually. Even if things don’t change automatically, you will certainly be HAPPIER when you live life in the present.

My mom always has this saying: “If you’re anxious, it’s because you’re focusing too much on the future and what it may bring. If you’re feeling depressed, it’s because you’re focusing way too much energy on the past (the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s), but if you’re happy and at PEACE, it’s because you’re focusing on the here and NOW. That’s why it’s called a present. It’s a gift in a sense.

So, as cliché and tired as this may sound…Just focus on YOU right now girl. Focus on the HERE and NOW. Like that book states….the BEST and easiest way for a woman to tap into her natural feminine radiance is to be in the HERE and NOW.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I absolutely love this thread. It's full of positive energy and great information. Just thought it was time that I contribute and add a brief introduction since I've been lurking and reading through posts for a while.
So, I was always pretty girly/feminine. However, I've always had my father and others pressuring me to be more tough. I'm an only child and my father comes from a family of serious athletes. Unfortunately for him, his only daughter was more interested in dance and modeling. As an adult, surprisingly, I entered the male dominated Tech field. I felt really insecure in the beginning of my career and due to career pressure and a dose of sexual harassment, I began to exhibit more masculine traits. I recognized so much of myself in Rachael's book, Powerful and Feminine. I stopped wearing skirts and started to minimize my appearance because I felt like my femininity had caused problems at work. In truth, it was the losers I was working with that were the problem. I should have changed jobs, not myself. LOL
Anywho, to make a long story short. I noticed several years later that my transformation was so complete that I didn't even feel like a woman at work. I felt awkward when I dressed feminine outside of work. I lost my sense of style. I just felt kind of neutral, with my harsh wardrobe of grey and black. So, I started my natural hair journey, which led to the healthy eating journey, which led my skincare regimen. I’m all about self-improvement and I really enjoy the process. So, I decided to start embracing my feminine side again. I thought it would be easy to pick up where I left off but there have been struggles. I purchased several dresses and flowy shirts. However, I still worry about attracting too much attention or looking too pretty for work. I worry about not blending in with the guys. However, I have noticed that with Rachael’s approach, it’s not just about your outward appearance. You have to work on feeling comfortable with your body, your feminine essence. Those exercises have really helped me. I started dancing at home more and appreciating my feminine qualities. Speaking from my “womb space” has helped me to sound more calm in meetings, rather than rushing to finish. I’ve noticed that with my more feminine appearance, people actually seem to listen to me more.
I’m almost done, I promise! So anyway, I wore a mauve dress to visit my dh at his job one day. I was on my way to a luncheon. My dh, who has always complained that my wardrobe has no color, proceeded to walk me around to everyone’s office and speak to everyone. He never does this. He later told me, he just wanted to show me off! I still smile when I think about that day. I sometimes forget that men are visual creatures. I purchased some new PJs and stopped sleeping in t-shirts and my dh told me I looked nice. LOL I’m noticing a change in him, but more importantly, I’m having so much fun with all of this and I’m starting to feel comfortable being feminine again.
Next up, is making my home beautiful and inviting. Also, I still haven't figured out how to manage my hair and working out. I still put my hair into buns too much.

Wow @shermeezy , thank you so much for sharing your experience! That's so interesting that your father wanted you to be more masculine. Do you think he wanted a boy deep down?

I know my father probably wanted a boy lol..I have part of his first name in my name after all lol. I just find that very interesting however because a lot of fathers like a girl they can spoil and call daddy's princess lol.

Oh and I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you at work. But I'm so glad you found this thread and started posting! I'm slowly but surely trying to tap more into my feminine side and allowing myself to be more vulnerable...especially around men.

@Crystalicequeen123 Here is some hair straightening videos.

Awesome!! Thank you so much @LovingLady for the hair tips!! I'm definitely going to check those videos out. I'm trying to get all the info I can on naturals who heat train or use heat sparingly in their regimens while still maintaining healthy, full hair. I think there can be a healthy balance.

I think I'm going to try to look at possibly adopting the methods of Longhairdontcare on YT, and see if my hair retains more length. I know my hair will NEVER be as thick as hers (it's just not genetically possible lol ), but I think maybe lightly blow-drying my hair once a month and keeping it in a protective style (twists, braids--my own hair) will minimize manipulation and hence snags, tangles, ssk's, etc. Maybe then I'll start to see more RETENSION.

Every once in a while maybe I'll flat iron it straight, but that will be VERY infrequently.
My biggest goal is just to keep my hair blown out in some kind of way and keep my hair protected. I think I was manipulating my fine hair too much. All of the styling, and trying to wash my hair every week was getting to me. Plus, I was losing so much hair from trying to take out snags. I notice that if I wash my hair after it’s been in a stretched out style, it’s SO much easier to handle in the shower when I wash/cleanse it. Plus, I figure that If I blow dry using the tension method instead of the usual way, maybe that will ease up on heat. I just want to show more of my length of hair, and most importantly, RETAIN the hair that I grow. I realized that the longer my hair was getting, the HARDER it was to maintain, wash, and keep tangle-free. My 4a/b hair shrinks sooo much! Plus, any growth that I would see was breaking off because I was always wearing my hair OUT (and sometimes my hair looked a HOT mess…I’ll admit…. ) and so ssk’s would start to form. I HATE SSK’s!!! And I’m sorry, but when I air dry my hair, it sometimes feels “crispy” and hard (for lack of a better word…. ) So, I’m going back to the “old school” method of light blow drying once a month, and I’ll see if I’ll notice more length that way. If I don’t see any difference in 6 months, or if my hair starts looking/feeling WORSE, then I’ll just stop that routine and go back to what I was doing. It doesn’t hurt to switch things up now and then. My goal is APL, and then after that BSL. If I just got to APL however, I would be kissing the ground because that is the LONGEST my hair will have EVER been in my life! Oh, and I’ll also be taking more of my vitamins more regularly…especially biotin.

 

[LovingLady]

Wow you wrote a lot but I enjoy reading it.

So I guess I say all of this to say.... Girl I FEEL your pain. In my teens I thought I would be married by age 23 lol.... My SISTER (who's younger than me by the way) ended up getting married at 23 before me, and now just had her first child w/her husband. I mean, she's been married for almost 8 years, and I'm still single. I could choose to focus on THAT, or...I could choose to focus on all of the things that I've been able to do at the current moment in all those years that she just hasn't gotten around to doing. While she's been on trips w/her hubby, I've also been on trips with girlfriends and family members over the years. I've been able to deepen my relationship with God, I can come and go when I please, I have FREEDOM lol, I can get adequate sleep lol....whereas right now she's caring for a new baby...., etc. Sometimes she'll call me complaining that she feels like she doesn't have any REAL girlfriends she can consider truly close close friends to tell things with, because she got married so young. Whereas I have a BOATLOAD of girlfriends I can turn to and tell secrets to, because while she was confidinging in her boyfriend (now hubby), I was confiding in my close girlfriends. And since I wasn't married I could go hang out with them whenever I wanted, and in turn really get to know them. Whereas, she couldn't do that much. Sure, she went out on girl's nights every once in a while, but it always had to be planned so way in advance so that the hubby didn't have something planned already. I mean, true, I want to be married (for sure), but when I think about it, there are things I can do that she can't right now. No situation is "better" than the other...it's just DIFFERENT.

I was the same way, I wanted to be married by 23 and start having kids at 25. I miss the mark on both. Your right, every stage in life has it pros and cons, the best way to look at it is to focus on the pros. When I am out and about and I see couples together I wonder when it will be my time to have that. The problem is when I focus on the man I don't have, I am missing out on the potential men that I could get to know. I am in the stage of getting to know myself and the type of man I want . . . I should be making the best of this season. I especially like traveling by myself.

I also realized something else while reading the Powerful and Feminine Book, and also by being on this thread...... While it’s OKAY to get a little discouraged and feel a little down at times about being single (it happens to the best of us), constantly worrying and feeling anxious about being single or wanting to be married is definitely NOT a feminine trait. Because when you think about it, the feminine essence RECEIVES what comes her way. It’s passive. It’s not the masculine “action-oriented” essence. It is different in that no matter what comes her way, she knows she will get her needs met, and she doesn’t have to worry. This worry-free/care-free attitude is VERY attractive to men. It may be hard for us to convey this at times as women, but when a woman is fully INTO herself and is not giving a care to the world about whether her needs will be met or not (because she knows they WILL regardless), that type of energy is VERY attractive. Worrying and having anxiety is more so a MASCULINE trait in that if you're worrying about something, it's because you feel like you can control it. I know I can't control the sun or the weather, so I don't sit up at night anxiously worrying about it. Men are "doers". They are givers. If anyone should have the trait of worrying it should be MEN. Women are RECEIVERS. We are the passive ones. Just like a electrical outlet. The male part is the piece/chord that goes INTO the wall outlet. The wall outlet doesn't go looking for an extension chord or plug! No...it receives. Just like our body parts....

I have been noticing that I am attracting real masculine men lately. I thought to myself "if we were to date them how would it be sustained". It is great that my feminine presence is increasing but how would our dynamic work. The paragraph helped me to realize the issue. I am use to being a doer, especially in my career. I am always making sure my needs are meet instead of knowing that they will be. I like find out what areas I need to improve on.

 

[LovingLady]

If I just got to APL however, I would be kissing the ground because that is the LONGEST my hair will have EVER been in my life! Oh, and I’ll also be taking more of my vitamins more regularly…especially biotin.

I once believed that when I get to length X I will be so happy. I did a length check over the weekend and I am full BSL with layers touching mid-back. My original goal was waist, then it was tail bone, now I am thinking about giving Princess Jasmine a run for her money. Don't get me wrong I am happy about the length of my hair but I always seem to want more. I am thinking about doing a big reveal for Thanksgiving.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Hi ladies. I haven't had too much going on but I wanted to share a few things with you.

1) I just finished reading "Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand" by Laura Doyle. I don't know if it has been previously mentioned but it has some excellent tips that encompass being feminine.

2) One of the concepts in the book was allowing people to help you. Normally, I'm an "I got this" type of girl but I decided to test this. While at Costco, I was standing next to the large packs of water. A man and his wife were together and he offered to help. I smiled at both of them and let him help me. She was beaming with pride at her guy and he was smiling and so was I. For thirty seconds we all enjoyed a positive interaction.

3) I had a plan to be married by 25 and I achieved it by marrying the first person that also wanted to get married. It was horrific and it took a whole lot out of me. I would love to marry again but only if its God ordained. My focus is becoming the best version of myself and enjoying my singlehood. @Crystalicequeen123 spoke some truth!

 

[movingforward]

In fact, I know this isn't the Christian forum, but I just HAD to share this point that one of our instructors shared with us during my week of spiritual training. One point he made was so poingnant. He said: "Contentment comes only when you come to truly appreciate what you have NOW as opposed to what you do not have..." It was something to that effect. It's such a simple statement, but it's so profound and true! If we just sat around thinking about all the things we WISH we had now but don't, or all the things we wanted to accomplish by now, but havent....we'd be a bunch of sour individuals lol. But if you instead sit back, take a look at your life (a REAL hard look) and think about all of the things that you DO have and have access to (things that some people don't even have), things you take for granted every single day, you would feel instantly SO much happier.

The bold statement translates into every area of your life. When I was trying to control my job search; nothing would happened. But the moment I released it to God and appreciate that I HAD A JOB. Another one opened up immediately. Some people may consider contentment as settling; but it's appreciating what you have right now.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Anyway, those are just MY OWN personal goals... Anyone can do whatever they want when it comes to kids/marriage. I'm not knocking it at all. Some people choose to adopt. That's wonderful, and any child that can be given a stable home (with or without two parents) is a blessing in itself. I just know that for ME if I want to have my OWN natural children, then I need to find someone STAT.... lol

With all of that said however, I try not to think TOO hard about it honestly. Girl, if we thought about all of the things we wanted but didn't have, do you know just how DEPRESSED we would all be??? @Kimbosheart gave you some really GOOD advice. Things that I need to take to heart myself lol. We're all here to lift each other up.

One of the things I decided this mid-year is to STOP worrying about things that I cannot personally control. I can't control how a guy feels about me. I can't control/or MAKE a guy pursue me. I can't control if a man falls in love w/me or not. But what I CAN control is my feminine essence, my friendliness, my OUTER apppearance, my class and grace, what I wear, what I eat, my fitness levels, how I spend my time, what I think about, places that I can go to meet more eligible men, etc lol. Once I decided to focus on MYSELF this year and improve myself, I started to feel less and less anxious about "will I ever find someone?". There are times when I still get a little impatient (usually around that cycle time ), but I have conciously given up the worrying and the when and how to God. I feel SO much more at peace w/myself now.

I also realized something else while reading the Powerful and Feminine Book, and also by being on this thread...... While it’s OKAY to get a little discouraged and feel a little down at times about being single (it happens to the best of us), constantly worrying and feeling anxious about being single or wanting to be married is definitely NOT a feminine trait. Because when you think about it, the feminine essence RECEIVES what comes her way. It’s passive. It’s not the masculine “action-oriented” essence. It is different in that no matter what comes her way, she knows she will get her needs met, and she doesn’t have to worry. This worry-free/care-free attitude is VERY attractive to men. It may be hard for us to convey this at times as women, but when a woman is fully INTO herself and is not giving a care to the world about whether her needs will be met or not (because she knows they WILL regardless), that type of energy is VERY attractive. Worrying and having anxiety is more so a MASCULINE trait in that if you're worrying about something, it's because you feel like you can control it. I know I can't control the sun or the weather, so I don't sit up at night anxiously worrying about it. Men are "doers". They are givers. If anyone should have the trait of worrying it should be MEN. Women are RECEIVERS. We are the passive ones. Just like a electrical outlet. The male part is the piece/chord that goes INTO the wall outlet. The wall outlet doesn't go looking for an extension chord or plug! No...it receives. Just like our body parts....

So, as cliché and tired as this may sound…Just focus on YOU right now girl. Focus on the HERE and NOW. Like that book states….the BEST and easiest way for a woman to tap into her natural feminine radiance is to be in the HERE and NOW.

Sorry, I butchered your post. You hit on some great points. One thing I realized is that constantly worrying about it and talking about it with my guy, pressured me. I felt this weight that I couldn't lift or live up to it. I'm working on letting it go and so far it has been so freeing. I love this thread and what we are doing in here. This is really the only place I come in this forum now.

One thing that helped to "let it go" was to avoid it. I unfollowed all of the wedding boards on pinterest. My friends on fb who are getting married, I stopped following them on my newsfeed. We are still friends but right now, I need to take care of me. Just kind of realizing that there is more to the world then who is getting married and when. It helps put things in perspective.

Another thing, I got back into a dance studio. I'm so terrible at it that focusing on those goals has made me completely happier in other areas of my life. I feel more cheerful and feminine and I LOVE dancing. The classes were a little pricey but I go to at least 4 classes a week. I'm already noticing a change in my figure.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Hi ladies. I haven't had too much going on but I wanted to share a few things with you.

1) I just finished reading "Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand" by Laura Doyle. I don't know if it has been previously mentioned but it has some excellent tips that encompass being feminine.

2) One of the concepts in the book was allowing people to help you. Normally, I'm an "I got this" type of girl but I decided to test this. While at Costco, I was standing next to the large packs of water. A man and his wife were together and he offered to help. I smiled at both of them and let him help me. She was beaming with pride at her guy and he was smiling and so was I. For thirty seconds we all enjoyed a positive interaction.

3) I had a plan to be married by 25 and I achieved it by marrying the first person that also wanted to get married. It was horrific and it took a whole lot out of me. I would love to marry again but only if its God ordained. My focus is becoming the best version of myself and enjoying my singlehood. @Crystalicequeen123 spoke some truth!

Thank you for the book review. I'm going to get a used copy off amazon

 

[LovingLady]

Sorry, I butchered your post. You hit on some great points. One thing I realized is that constantly worrying about it and talking about it with my guy, pressured me. I felt this weight that I couldn't lift or live up to it. I'm working on letting it go and so far it has been so freeing. I love this thread and what we are doing in here. This is really the only place I come in this forum now.

One thing that helped to "let it go" was to avoid it. I unfollowed all of the wedding boards on pinterest. My friends on fb who are getting married, I stopped following them on my newsfeed. We are still friends but right now, I need to take care of me. Just kind of realizing that there is more to the world then who is getting married and when. It helps put things in perspective.

Another thing, I got back into a dance studio. I'm so terrible at it that focusing on those goals has made me completely happier in other areas of my life. I feel more cheerful and feminine and I LOVE dancing. The classes were a little pricey but I go to at least 4 classes a week. I'm already noticing a change in my figure.

This is the only thread I feel at home in.

What style of dancing are you doing?

@Crystalicequeen123 how is modern coming along.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I was the same way, I wanted to be married by 23 and start having kids at 25. I miss the mark on both. Your right, every stage in life has it pros and cons, the best way to look at it is to focus on the pros. When I am out and about and I see couples together I wonder when it will be my time to have that. The problem is when I focus on the man I don't have, I am missing out on the potential men that I could get to know. I am in the stage of getting to know myself and the type of man I want . . . I should be making the best of this season. I especially like traveling by myself.

GREAT points!!! And I totally agree...especially w/the bolded underlined. One of the things I told myself this year was that I wasn't going to worry about things outside of my control anymore (ie. finding a boyfriend, getting married etc.) I consciously told myself this year to "STOP the madness!" , and that I didn't want to waste my precious 30's WORRYING anxiously about getting married. I already wasted (or shall I say) DEVOTED most of my 20's to my schooling and education, finding some good jobs, etc...but I also made some mistakes, such as: worrying about when I would find "the one", chasing after dudes who weren't THAT into me, wasting time on guys who were players , having fun and NOT being serious about finding a husband, endless partying... , settling for LESS than what I deserved in relationships, and dating guys who I KNEW I wasn't really into from the get go just because I didn't want to be lonely. Oh, and did I mention being a "people pleaser"??

Those days are over.

I told myself that now that I'm in my 30's, I don't want to waste ANOTHER decade or less worrying about being married, "will I find the one?", or dealing with time-wasters.

I think when you get into your 30's you start realizing that it is now time to LIVE LIFE! Stop the anxious thoughts! I believe that I WILL find that special guy in the near future, but in the meantime, I just need to CHILL! Last year I kind of had a mini-break-down and was really focused on finding a boyfriend, and it made me feel desperate and anxious. This year I decided to do things differently, focus on ME (for a change), and live my life to the fullest in a state of HAPPINESS regardless of who's linked on my arm (or not....) . I don't want to wake up one day in my 40's and realize that I put myself down all throughout my 30's about why I wasn't married...

I have been noticing that I am attracting real masculine men lately. I thought to myself "if we were to date them how would it be sustained". It is great that my feminine presence is increasing but how would our dynamic work. The paragraph helped me to realize the issue. I am use to being a doer, especially in my career. I am always making sure my needs are meet instead of knowing that they will be. I like find out what areas I need to improve on.

Gurlllll....give me your secret!!! Maybe I need to step up my feminine game, because I swear, the guys who are "serious" about me usually tend to be so shy, meek, weak, awkward, or just plain WEIRD! How do I stop attracting these types of guys? Why is it some women can attract STRONG, confident, handsome, sure of themselves, ambitious, men, and I get stuck with the guys who are either too shy to make a move, or (usually) down-right unappealing?? Am I putting out a masculine/neutral vibe or something? Or is it that I'm so "nice" to everyone that even the lower totem pole guys (I hate to call them that lol...) come calling? I don't get it.... I never seem to be able to attract men I'm personally interested in, and I think this has been one of the main reasons why I'm still single. I guess either I need to lower my expectations in a man DRASTICALLY, or I just need to face the facts that I'll be single for a very LONG time...

My original goal was waist, then it was tail bone, now I am thinking about giving Princess Jasmine a run for her money. Don't get me wrong I am happy about the length of my hair but I always seem to want more. I am thinking about doing a big reveal for Thanksgiving.

Get it girl!! Boy I can't wait until I'm even just APL! I've been looking at some many different hair videos lately, because I really want to grow my hair out. Long hair is just so feminine to me, and I feel like I look SOOO much better with longer hair. I love Sera2544 on YT...Her hair is like I'm going to try her techniques as well to see if I can keep my natural hair stretched and retaining length.

1) I just finished reading "Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand" by Laura Doyle. I don't know if it has been previously mentioned but it has some excellent tips that encompass being feminine.

2) One of the concepts in the book was allowing people to help you. Normally, I'm an "I got this" type of girl but I decided to test this. While at Costco, I was standing next to the large packs of water. A man and his wife were together and he offered to help. I smiled at both of them and let him help me. She was beaming with pride at her guy and he was smiling and so was I. For thirty seconds we all enjoyed a positive interaction.

3) I had a plan to be married by 25 and I achieved it by marrying the first person that also wanted to get married. It was horrific and it took a whole lot out of me. I would love to marry again but only if its God ordained. My focus is becoming the best version of myself and enjoying my singlehood. @Crystalicequeen123 spoke some truth!

Thanks for sharing your input @ArrrBeee

1) Hmm....I may have to check out that book!

2) Awww.....what a sweet experience. I have to fight it too, because my usual tendency when men (or even just people in gneeral) ask if they can help or give me a hand is to say: "oh no thank you, I'm okay!". But I find that when you always do this, not only do you ALWAYS get stuck doing everything , but men (especially) don't get the fulfilling feeling of helping a woman out and (in a romantic sense), growing deeper feelings for you. I never knew just how important this "feeling" (needing to feel NEEDED) was in a man until I read John Gray's book "Men And Venus On a Date" (Mars/Venus Author). I need to work on this... I'm so used to being "competent" and doing things on my own, that I almost feel embarrassed accepting help from a man. Does anyone else feel/or get this way? Or is it just ME? It's a shame that in this day and age a woman would even feel this lol, but I guess that just goes to show just how much society has changed.... Maybe this is also why I never seem to attract the "masculine" men.... I'm always seeming so "competent" and "able" to do things by myself. Hmmm......

3) Thanks for adding that part in and showing a different perspective to just marrying anyone who comes along. That is very helpful.

The bold statement translates into every area of your life. When I was trying to control my job search; nothing would happened. But the moment I released it to God and appreciate that I HAD A JOB. Another one opened up immediately. Some people may consider contentment as settling; but it's appreciating what you have right now.

Most definitely!

I noticed the same thing when I stopped worrying about finding a job lol. When I first moved out here to CA I was looking for over a year for a new job because I couldn't stand the job I was in. But then one day I decided to just suck it up and be thankful for the job that I DID have...(especially coming from a move out of state). I still hated the commute, I hated the industry, and I HATED the low pay! But I tried my hardest to get in a state of gratitude and stop worrying so much about finding a new job. Well, guess what?? I got laid off one day from that job and then found another job within 3 days no lie! Then, when I was content at the new job, an even BIGGER offer came through from another company that I had applied for right after I got laid off from the original old job! That told me something God has a time for everything. Things will come when they will come.

I'm still not making HALF as much money out here as I was making back in my homestate, but because my commute is a LOT closer, and my outlook is totally different now (more a state of appreciation and gratitude), I'm a LOT happier where I am now, even though my pay is not that much higher than the old job I had when I first moved out here. It's interesting how just changing your outlook on something can make a HUGE difference in your state of happiness.

One thing that helped to "let it go" was to avoid it. I unfollowed all of the wedding boards on pinterest. My friends on fb who are getting married, I stopped following them on my newsfeed. We are still friends but right now, I need to take care of me. Just kind of realizing that there is more to the world then who is getting married and when. It helps put things in perspective.

Another thing, I got back into a dance studio. I'm so terrible at it that focusing on those goals has made me completely happier in other areas of my life. I feel more cheerful and feminine and I LOVE dancing. The classes were a little pricey but I go to at least 4 classes a week. I'm already noticing a change in my figure.

Interesting sentiments @Kimbosheart Yea, sometimes we all need a little "break" I guess lol. Even some of my single friends from back home call me telling me how sad/lonely they feel when they look on Facebook at all of their friends getting married when they are still single. I swear, Facebook is a depression-maker. I think that's why I deactivated my account lol. I never felt BETTER when I would go on there.

But one thing I'm wondering....and maybe I'm just playing a little Devil's Advocate here..... What do you think about people who believe in LOA and actually make vision boards dedicated to their fantasy future weddings and keep those things in the forefront of their minds? SOme say that what you focus on becomes your reality. So what do you think is going on in those instances when people get what they want? Is it that it was just bound to happen ANYWAY regardless? Or do you think it was their outlook (maybe more positive/optimistic?) about marriage (and their friend's marriages) that made the difference? I'm just curious as to what you (and others) think about this. Because some people really do swear by "The Secret". I even believe some aspects of it as well, but I can't quite figure out why it seems to work for some and not others.

Congrats on your new dance lessons by the way! That's actually one thing I would LOVE to do. Maybe when I save a few more pennies in the bank I'll take up some classes next year.

This is the only thread I feel at home in.

What style of dancing are you doing?

@Crystalicequeen123 how is modern coming along.

@LovingLady Yea I don't blame you. Some of the other threads on this site can be downright caddy and negative.... I love the positive energy that we all have in here. It's such a stark contrast to some of the other boards/threads.

Oh and btw, what is "Modern"?? Maybe I'm lost lol....

 

[Kimbosheart]

Ladies I'm in ballet classes. I didn't realize how free dancing ballet made me feel. I'm terrible right now as my technique is coming back to me and I'm regaining my strength but hopefully I'll be pretty decent soon.

@Crystalicequeen123 I believe LOA works. I have a vision board. The part that they leave out is believing and releasing. So if I believe that I will accomplish a goal, I should be able to hold onto that good feeling that I will feel when I accomplish it. And that good feeling should allow me to release the details of accomplishing (the 5 w's) and just be. I know I will get it so I can go about my day. You have to believe you will get it, expect you will get it and then let it go to the one who can make it happen. So sometimes when you repeat a prayer too fervently or you focus on the board to the point it becomes desperation you actually delay your goal coming true. This is all over the bible. Not only must you ask, but you also must believe that you will receive. Sometimes repeating the request shows your doubts or lack of faith.

Now with the Facebook thing, I'm only talking about acquaintances. My true friends whenever something happens to them that I may be waiting on I am genuinely happy and want to be a pet of their celebrations.

 

[caribeandiva]

Dang, I haven't been in here for a while! I've got 10+ pages of catching up to do. Off to see what I missed.

 

[LovingLady]

Today marks the end of the first quarter for the feminine training.

For those that don't know: Some of the ladies in the thread are in a challenge to train themselves to be more feminine. It would be similar to marathon training. The deadline is December 16 or until the end of the year if you prefer. Just like with anything you are training for if you have to extend the deadline that is acceptable. A deadline forces you to be serious about what you are doing so that you are able to see measurable progression. So your training is focused on how ever you define femininity.

Update: To me femininity is a lifestyle and I am training my mind to perceive it in that way. For the last complete of weeks I have learned alot about myself and God’s role in my life. I have a morning routine down and I now exercise 7 days a week. My feminine presence is increasing but it is not at the level where I want it to be. For the next quarter I want to tighten up on what I learned in the first quarter.

1st Quarter ends 7/30
2nd Quarter ends 9/14
3rd Quarter ends 10/30
4th Quarter ends 12/14

 

[LovingLady]

Here are some questions to get you ladies thinking about how you want to tackle your training. You don't have to respond back they are just some questions to get you thinking.

PART 1

God

How much time do you spend with Him?
How do you spend time?
Do you feel that you properly represent Him?
Does He have control over your life?
What can you do to improve your relationship with God?

Personal

What is your passion?
What motivates/drives you?
Do you operate by principal or by purpose?
When was the last time you said “I love you” to yourself?
Do you keep your word?
How often do you have negative thoughts?
What do you want your future to look like?
Do you surround yourself with people who enable/hold you back?
Are you committed to pleasing others, at the sacrifice of yourself?
Are you comfortable with who you are?
If not how can you change this?
Do you trust yourself?
Do you hold on to the past?
Are you afraid of letting others get close to you?
When was the last time you tired something new?
Are you more concerned with how your life looks vs how you feel?
Are you cheating your future by focusing on the past?
What is your number one goal for the next 6 months?
What type of life do you want?
What is your philosophy on life?
What is your biggest dream?
How much are you willing to sacrifice for it?
What bad habits do you want to break?
When will you good enough for you?

Professional

What is your passion?
What is your ideal career?
What steps can you take to work in your ideal field?
What is stopping you from working in your preferred field?
What are your talents?
How can you use your talents to work in your ideal career?

 

[LovingLady]

PART 2

Beauty

Who is you favorite designer?
What is your fashion decade (20’s, 80’s, 90’s etc.)?
What is your favorite store to shop in?
What types of dress flatters you?
What colors look best on you?
What type of hair styles flatter your face?
What are your favorite makeup products (lips, blush, eyeshadow etc.)?
Do you look best with warm, cool, or neutral makeup?
Do you have a go-to makeup look?
How often do you workout?
What type of exercises do you prefer (weights or cardio) and are they helping you achieve your goals?
Are you looking to achieve an ideal weight or an ideal shape?
Are you committed to pleasing others, at the sacrifice of yourself?

Relationship with Men

How do you show love?
How do you want love to be shown to you?
What is most important in a relationship?
What are your wants in a relationship?
What are your needs in a relationship?
How do you want a man to comfort you?
When do you need a man to comfort you?
What can a man do to make you smile?
Do you have hard time giving up control?
Are you co-dependent on men?
How do you want a man to communicate with you?
Do you minimize problems in order to avoid them?
What are you willing to compromise on for a relationship ( height, weight, looks, kids, previously married, etc.)?
What bad habits are you willing to tolerate?
What are your boundaries and are you comfortable with saying no?
What is the one thing that will make you walk about of a relationship?
How far out of your way are you willing to go for him?

 

[LovingLady]

Gurlllll....give me your secret!!! Maybe I need to step up my feminine game, because I swear, the guys who are "serious" about me usually tend to be so shy, meek, weak, awkward, or just plain WEIRD! How do I stop attracting these types of guys? Why is it some women can attract STRONG, confident, handsome, sure of themselves, ambitious, men, and I get stuck with the guys who are either too shy to make a move, or (usually) down-right unappealing?? Am I putting out a masculine/neutral vibe or something? Or is it that I'm so "nice" to everyone that even the lower totem pole guys (I hate to call them that lol...) come calling? I don't get it.... I never seem to be able to attract men I'm personally interested in, and I think this has been one of the main reasons why I'm still single. I guess either I need to lower my expectations in a man DRASTICALLY, or I just need to face the facts that I'll be single for a very LONG time...

For every situation I was going a one thing: loving myself. I was going something for myself which resulted me to be in a pleasant feminine disposition. It also showed me that even though men are physical, the type of presence you have is even more important. In all the situations I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I use to attract the kind of men you are talking about even up to the beginning to this year. The difference is the way I view myself. I am more loving, gentle, and forgiving towards myself.

2) Awww.....what a sweet experience. I have to fight it too, because my usual tendency when men (or even just people in gneeral) ask if they can help or give me a hand is to say: "oh no thank you, I'm okay!". But I find that when you always do this, not only do you ALWAYS get stuck doing everything , but men (especially) don't get the fulfilling feeling of helping a woman out and (in a romantic sense), growing deeper feelings for you. I never knew just how important this "feeling" (needing to feel NEEDED) was in a man until I read John Gray's book "Men And Venus On a Date" (Mars/Venus Author). I need to work on this... I'm so used to being "competent" and doing things on my own, that I almost feel embarrassed accepting help from a man. Does anyone else feel/or get this way? Or is it just ME? It's a shame that in this day and age a woman would even feel this lol, but I guess that just goes to show just how much society has changed.... Maybe this is also why I never seem to attract the "masculine" men.... I'm always seeming so "competent" and "able" to do things by myself. Hmmm......

Yes I use to feel this way all the time. It is almost as if asking for help made you weak or lesser than. It is an inaccurate feeling which is trapping a lot of women.

But one thing I'm wondering....and maybe I'm just playing a little Devil's Advocate here..... What do you think about people who believe in LOA and actually make vision boards dedicated to their fantasy future weddings and keep those things in the forefront of their minds? SOme say that what you focus on becomes your reality. So what do you think is going on in those instances when people get what they want? Is it that it was just bound to happen ANYWAY regardless? Or do you think it was their outlook (maybe more positive/optimistic?) about marriage (and their friend's marriages) that made the difference? I'm just curious as to what you (and others) think about this. Because some people really do swear by "The Secret". I even believe some aspects of it as well, but I can't quite figure out why it seems to work for some and not others.

I think if you set your sights on something, and then make the necessary steps you can obtain what you want. A positive persistent attitude is important.

@LovingLady Yea I don't blame you. Some of the other threads on this site can be downright caddy and negative.... I love the positive energy that we all have in here. It's such a stark contrast to some of the other boards/threads.

Oh and btw, what is "Modern"?? Maybe I'm lost lol....

In post #357 you said that you might take Modern dance classes in the fall. Just realizing it is not fall which would result in the confusion.

Ladies I'm in ballet classes. I didn't realize how free dancing ballet made me feel. I'm terrible right now as my technique is coming back to me and I'm regaining my strength but hopefully I'll be pretty decent soon.

I love ballet. It really helps is other dance genres. I have to put it on hold for now but I hope to pick it up later.

 

[TracyNicole]

Hi ladies. Coming to do my update on how things are going. Responses embedded in my previous post quoted below. The energy in here is awesome Great questions LovingLady!

Thank you for starting this! It made it easy to share my resources and it will be all in one place for me to refer to as well. Great idea.

So I have been thinking on my six month challenge and decided to just break it down into 3 areas of focus.

1) Outward beauty- everything I have studied so far points to maintaining an ideal body weight as being of principle importance for achieving feminine beauty. I need to devote the time and effort to taking care of this.

I definitely still think this is important. I am walking in the evenings now trying to get my body used to the movement. By the time the weather turns I should be able to sprint on the treadmill. Body weight exercises have already started to improve my shape. My husband mentioned yesterday that he liked how my nails are done now and that he hopes I will continue with whatever it is I am doing. I also ordered the 21 Day Fix but after trying a few of the workout, even following the modifier, I can see I need to ease in to things. I still have a ways to go.

2) Outward environment- In this area I plan to work on clothing, shoes and accessories as well as a home environment that reflect my femininity. A huge part of this will be ensuring my dress is flattering and my home is open for visitors and warm and welcoming for friends AND family.

I also finally gave in and signed up for StitchFix. I had been dragging my feet because some reviewers complained they could find the items for less elsewhere but I finally gave in because my husband is an artist and so I already know esthetics are very important to him. I am not stylish and it's worth it to get a bit of help. My first box came today and everything in it looked good to me. The first thing my husband asked is where do you get the other pieces they suggested. I could be offended but I wasn't. He never complained about how I look but I could tell it obviously means a great deal to him and now I feel really good to about my decision to work on my appearance.

I also have written out the minimum I need to do around the house and for myself to be pulled together daily and it feels so much better. I also decided to switch to a meal planning service and grocery delivery to save some time and I have a cleaning service coming 2x monthly. I will see how clean I can keep it at that level and increase to weekly if necessary. Daily housekeeping is just not in my budget. I just need to have it nice enough that company feels welcome, it doesn't need to look like a magazine or empty house!

I still have tons of room for improvement. I am going to get some estimates about changing up the layout of my first floor to make it better for spending quality time with family and friends. I hope I can find reasonable prices for quality work.

3) Feminine expression- I would like to work on being more gentle, nurturing and receptive. For me this will include working on the quality and volume of my voice, diction , learning the value of silence and being more spiritually grounded.

Okay last area. I just started reading Keep It Shut. That book is really resonating with me. I am going to strive very hard not to let my tongue be an instrument of pain and destruction. I was raised to verbally spar with others and that it was okay to have razor sharp wit but as I've gotten older I realize it is unbecoming in a feminine woman and I get much farther with gentle flirtation, humor and kindness.

Example: I was in the grocery store a few weeks ago and saw the bread delivery man arrive as I was making my selection. I looked over at him and asked with complete wide eyed innocence "Are your buns fresher than these?" He blushed and laughed and reponded "Well miss I should be asking you that. Just wait right here and I'll get you a fresh pack." Ladies he was so pleased with himself as he unstacked the trays and pulled out the type of bread I was looking for. He handed it over like he had just brought me a shiny new present rather than rolls I still had to pay $5 for. I smiled at him and then I don't know what possessed me but I winked at him as I walked away. Now that encounter left him laughing. My normally abrassive self would have walked over and demanded access to the fresher bread even though it was close to the bottom of the stack of crates. I just have to strive to make it a habit!

 

[Ivonnovi]

@Crystalicequeen123 thanks for that recommendation. The author of the book also has a YouTube channel called awakentv. I like it a lot.

@SpeechieGirl
Here's the actual like to her channel, though she (Rachael Jayne Groover) refers to her channel as "Awaken TV" a YouTube search for a channel called Awaken TV will take you down an entirely different path.
HER CHANNEL:

 

[Kimbosheart]

So... I started looking for that book recommended upthread about receiving and I found another book and then I looked up the author.. and ladies we need to learn how to receive.

So in the chat embedded below she talks about lasting attraction for a man. There are 2 types of attraction -- lustful and protect/provide. She says that lustful makes a man hungry and he wants to take. Taking (receiving) is feminine. And that is why that doesn't last long for a male. But the women who he can give to (provide/protect) is the one who he cherishes long term.

This isn't profound knowledge and we've said it a few times in different posts in this thread but for some reason it struck me this time. Just thought I'd share.

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