Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

[LovingLady]

@TracyNicole I love the progress that you are making. I never heard of Stitch Fix before. There is something similar for guys called https://www.trunkclub.com/

I know what you mean about the verbal sparing. I went to a school where you had to do that in order to "survive". Something basic as someone skipping in line would turn into a battle. I have gotten to the point where I don't speak out like that but the thoughts are still there. A part of me feels that side will never go away. Do you get that feeling? I have to work on this.

So... I started looking for that book recommended upthread about receiving and I found another book and then I looked up the author.. and ladies we need to learn how to receive.

So in the chat embedded below she talks about lasting attraction for a man. There are 2 types of attraction -- lustful and protect/provide. She says that lustful makes a man hungry and he wants to take. Taking (receiving) is feminine. And that is why that doesn't last long for a male. But the women who he can give to (provide/protect) is the one who he cherishes long term.

This isn't profound knowledge and we've said it a few times in different posts in this thread but for some reason it struck me this time. Just thought I'd share.

You would be surprise how you need to repeat things multiple times in different ways because it may not register with some people. It is always most as if you get but until it is explained differently you don't understand it.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[TracyNicole]

@TracyNicole
I know what you mean about the verbal sparing. I went to a school where you had to do that in order to "survive". Something basic as someone skipping in line would turn into a battle. I have gotten to the point where I don't speak out like that but the thoughts are still there. A part of me feels that side will never go away. Do you get that feeling? I have to work on this.

Yes, school is where I picked up the habit. I always get the thoughts. Sometimes they still come out, it's just that I recognize them for what they are now- snarky and sometimes mean spirited. There is nothing witty about insulting someone, especially when you intend for it to go over their head. Now I give myself a mental kick and tell myself to shut it and keep it shut. It's working about 85% of the time. I just can't believe this was something actively encouraged as if it is a desired trait. SMH!

 

[sweetvi]

So... I started looking for that book recommended upthread about receiving and I found another book and then I looked up the author.. and ladies we need to learn how to receive.

So in the chat embedded below she talks about lasting attraction for a man. There are 2 types of attraction -- lustful and protect/provide. She says that lustful makes a man hungry and he wants to take. Taking (receiving) is feminine. And that is why that doesn't last long for a male. But the women who he can give to (provide/protect) is the one who he cherishes long term.

This isn't profound knowledge and we've said it a few times in different posts in this thread but for some reason it struck me this time. Just thought I'd share.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

This is my problem. Initially when I was in my 20's, I recieved everything and was feminine and the men would nag the heck out of me . Now I hoy older I became more masculine by initiating everything ,even phone calls, n it gave them the upper hand. Now I'm learning to enjoy the now and enjoy the moment. .

 

[nerdography]

I need to officially write down my goals so I can track them better.

My main goal for the month was to speak gently. I speak aggressively (a trait I picked up from my mother and the women on my father's side of the family) and that's something that I want to change. My interaction with people has improved. But, I noticed something. I was watching Master Chef and the female judge went off on someone. And I was appauled because her reaction was extreme in response to the incident. And then I ran through my head what I would have said to her if she had gotten that attitude with me. And then I took a step back and I realized that TV shows, movies, and music are pushing the agenda of aggressive women. I saw aggressiveness in the home and the media has been reinforcing it. I also noticed that women who are portrayed as feminine and classified as weak and sometimes less intelligent. So, I'm reevaluating what I allow myself to watch.

On another topic. I normally wear my hair in a bun in between washes. But, this week I decided to style my hair different everyday. And the reaction was amazing. I got complimented every single day. And instead brushing the comment off or explaining why something wasn't good; I accepted the compliment and said thank you. I felt pretty, dainty, and feminine wearing my hair down.

August Goals
-keeps nails polished at all times
-wear earrings everyday
-all meals will be prepared at home
-start creating the feminine body that I want through cardio and strength training
-continue to wear my hair in different styles everyday
-continue in training myself to speak gently

What are your goals for next month? And who's your femininity inspiration? Mine is Kelly Rowland.

 

[LoveisYou]

Interesting observation:

I wear my hair short (short hair suits me better) and have been back and forth b/n relaxed and natural hair over the years. I created a dating profile and put 4 photos up. One with me and relaxed short hair and three with me and my short natural hair. All my photos are good pics with me dressed up and looking feminine. The photo with relaxed hair has gotten way more likes (like 100x more, no kidding) than the photos of me with my natural hair.

I can't help but think....hmnnn

 

[LovingLady]

I need to officially write down my goals so I can track them better.

My main goal for the month was to speak gently. I speak aggressively (a trait I picked up from my mother and the women on my father's side of the family) and that's something that I want to change. My interaction with people has improved. But, I noticed something. I was watching Master Chef and the female judge went off on someone. And I was appauled because her reaction was extreme in response to the incident. And then I ran through my head what I would have said to her if she had gotten that attitude with me. And then I took a step back and I realized that TV shows, movies, and music are pushing the agenda of aggressive women. I saw aggressiveness in the home and the media has been reinforcing it. I also noticed that women who are portrayed as feminine and classified as weak and sometimes less intelligent. So, I'm reevaluating what I allow myself to watch.

I write my goals down often and it helps.

I cringed watching that part. The disrespect was not even directed towards her but she decided to address it. Why? Chef Rasmey would normally say something in situations like that but ignored it. I did noticed earlier in the competition a few the the contestants didn't take her seriously. It could be a combination of her feeling that she needs to be more aggressive to prove that she is worth being there, or it is the network saying that she should be more assertive.

I love your goals was August. I would love it get to the point were I can prepare all my meals at home like @BlairWaldorf she is intense. Look at the "Photos and Pictures of Foods You've Cooked" thread below.

https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/photos-and-pictures-of-foods-youve-cooked.194391/

Interesting observation:

I wear my hair short (short hair suits me better) and have been back and forth b/n relaxed and natural hair over the years. I created a dating profile and put 4 photos up. One with me and relaxed short hair and three with me and my short natural hair. All my photos are good pics with me dressed up and looking feminine. The photo with relaxed hair has gotten way more likes (like 100x more, no kidding) than the photos of me with my natural hair.

I can't help but think....hmnnn

It was mentioned in another thread that men prefer straight hair while women will gravitate to natural hair more.

I will say this . . . guys still approach me but is it as much as I think it should be, no.

 

[barbiesocialite]

@aviddiva77

 

[almond eyes]

I have the funniest story to tell I was telling a very good friend of mine about how women are now getting to be more masculine therefore not allowing men to play their roles and emasculating them. So, she was telling me the other day that she saw a man in the subway with his suitcase and the suitcase was heavy and she felt sorry for him so she went to grab the suitcase to help him and she said the look on that man's face was horror, she remembered what I said and just stopped what she was doing and ran in embarrassment. Granted the man was not old and my friend is super tiny. Lessons learnt. Let a man be a man and stop trying to be a he-man especially when he didn't ask for your help.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

God

How much time do you spend with Him?

Do you feel that you properly represent Him?

What can you do to improve your relationship with God?

Personal

What is your passion?

How often do you have negative thoughts?
What do you want your future to look like?
Do you surround yourself with people who enable/hold you back?

Do you hold on to the past?

Are you afraid of letting others get close to you?

What is your philosophy on life?

When will you good enough for you?

Professional

What is stopping you from working in your preferred field?

Beauty
What type of hair styles flatter your face?

Are you committed to pleasing others, at the sacrifice of yourself?

Relationship with Men

How do you show love?

What are your needs in a relationship?

Do you have hard time giving up control?

How do you want a man to communicate with you?

What are you willing to compromise on for a relationship ( height, weight, looks, kids, previously married, etc.)?

Interesting questions @LovingLady . I especially liked the ones in bold.

For every situation I was going a one thing: loving myself. I was going something for myself which resulted me to be in a pleasant feminine disposition. It also showed me that even though men are physical, the type of presence you have is even more important. In all the situations I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I use to attract the kind of men you are talking about even up to the beginning to this year. The difference is the way I view myself. I am more loving, gentle, and forgiving towards myself.

GOOD points!!! I'll have to keep this in mind. I do think that while the physical is important, what you project from the inside OUT is essentially MOST important. I think men pick up on it. I think that's why so many people can be stumped to see a really good-looking guy with a plain-Jane woman. What they don't know is that there is something about her that is very attractive to him, and a lot of times it's not just about looks.

I have to really work on this....allowing my natural feminine radiance to shine through. I find that because I can be shy in certain situations, sometimes I almost feel afraid/shy to let my TRUE feminine radiance shine through.

In post #357 you said that you might take Modern dance classes in the fall. Just realizing it is not fall which would result in the confusion.

Lol... Oh yes, I do want to take a dance class in the fall/winter. I'll have to see what my budget can handle though, because right now I've been swamped with bills and have had to carry on expenses that came up suddently. Not only that but I'm also supposed to be paying for a flight out of town in September, so yea....the dance classes will have to wait until November at least lol But it IS a goal of mine.

Hi ladies. Coming to do my update on how things are going. Responses embedded in my previous post quoted below. The energy in here is awesome Great questions LovingLady!

I LOVED your update @TracyNicole ! Way to go girl! You are making some great changes!

I have also incorporated walking in the evenings after dinner while the days are still long. I find that it's relaxing, and probably helps my digestion lol.

I didn't even realize that men pay attention to nail polish! WOW! I thought that was just a woman thing (looking at the nails). Hmmm....looks like I better start getting manicures again or doing my own nails.

So... I started looking for that book recommended upthread about receiving and I found another book and then I looked up the author.. and ladies we need to learn how to receive.

So in the chat embedded below she talks about lasting attraction for a man. There are 2 types of attraction -- lustful and protect/provide. She says that lustful makes a man hungry and he wants to take. Taking (receiving) is feminine. And that is why that doesn't last long for a male. But the women who he can give to (provide/protect) is the one who he cherishes long term.

This isn't profound knowledge and we've said it a few times in different posts in this thread but for some reason it struck me this time. Just thought I'd share.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

^^ I LOVED this video and her message! Thanks for sharing! This video really helped to open my eyes. I may have to buy her book lol. I have never really heard men described in such a way as she brought it out.

You can tell she really loves men, and it is brought out in the way that she talks about them. I want to get to that place where I appreciate the male gender more. I loved how she illustrated just how much men really respond to a woman praising them for their help. It really means a LOT to men. I also loved how she touched on exactly what we've been saying all along in this thread...that women have (over the years) grown more and more masculine, and that has in turn left men feeling emasculated, and therefore the gender roles are getting more and more blurred and confused.

I also LOVED how she talked about the two types of attraction...."lust" vs. "charming". The woman who illicits only lust in a man will have a man who is selfish, only wants to take....I'm thinking...One Night Stand?? Whereas the woman who is charming, enchanting, and feminine illicits a different type of attraction in a man. This attraction encourages him to want to GIVE to her, provide for her, PROTECT her, and be on his BEST behavior for her. This is the type of attraction (imo) that leads a man to want to make you his WIFE.

If you've ever seen Disney's most recent live-action version of "Cinderella", how she behaved was how I'm guessing a woman who was charming and enchanting would encourage a man to want to GIVE to her. She was just so lovely in that film.





She had EVERYONE captivated lol!



Idk how to be the more "enchanting" woman lol, but I'm definitely working on it thanks to this thread lol.

Like @TracyNicole mentioned, I tend to have a pretty quick wit also when I'm around men, and I've found that I need to tone it down some. I've already come a LONG way lol, but I may need to tone it down even more. I'm not saying I have to be a doormat, or be uptight (actually, I find guys do enjoy a little gentle flirty verbal sparring from time to time lol ), but I have come to realize through my "experiments" that I do need to keep it at a minimum because I get a totally DIFFERENT response from men when I'm gentle, demure, feminine, friendly, and NOT sparring with them. I get a gentleman, and not a guy who's more like a "guy friend". There's an essence of kindness that comes out in a man when I'm being feminine and gentle myself, as opposed to when I'm acting like "one of the guys".

 

[Kimbosheart]

@Crystalicequeen123 I haven't seen that Cinderella remake. she seems to be comfortable in her skin and with who she is, even though she seems either niave or overwhelmed by the circumstance she's in. If I were to break it down. I think that curiousity and openness she exhibits in both scenes are the drivers for her femininity. I will have to watch this over the weekend and take notes.

Since catching that clip of Alison Armstrong, I have been reading her book the Queen's Code and Keys to the Kingdom. They are written like novels but packed full of information. Once I exhaust her youtube channel I will start on her audiobooks. On amazon they are cheap compared to her website.

A few things she mentioned in her books, I tried out on SO and they work! wonders. It does take practice though because it is a mind shift. In one of those books she breaks it down completely that men are not hairy women. I've heard that before but she explained all the ways we think they are hairy women in our thoughts and behaviors that it finally clicked in my head for good.

 

[sweetvi]

What do u mean hairy women? Can you elaborate??

@Crystalicequeen123 I haven't seen that Cinderella remake. she seems to be comfortable in her skin and with who she is, even though she seems either niave or overwhelmed by the circumstance she's in. If I were to break it down. I think that curiousity and openness she exhibits in both scenes are the drivers for her femininity. I will have to watch this over the weekend and take notes.

Since catching that clip of Alison Armstrong, I have been reading her book the Queen's Code and Keys to the Kingdom. They are written like novels but packed full of information. Once I exhaust her youtube channel I will start on her audiobooks. On amazon they are cheap compared to her website.

A few things she mentioned in her books, I tried out on SO and they work! wonders. It does take practice though because it is a mind shift. In one of those books she breaks it down completely that men are not hairy women. I've heard that before but she explained all the ways we think they are hairy women in our thoughts and behaviors that it finally clicked in my head for good.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123 I haven't seen that Cinderella remake. she seems to be comfortable in her skin and with who she is, even though she seems either niave or overwhelmed by the circumstance she's in. If I were to break it down. I think that curiousity and openness she exhibits in both scenes are the drivers for her femininity. I will have to watch this over the weekend and take notes.

Since catching that clip of Alison Armstrong, I have been reading her book the Queen's Code and Keys to the Kingdom. They are written like novels but packed full of information. Once I exhaust her youtube channel I will start on her audiobooks. On amazon they are cheap compared to her website.

Yes, if you haven't seen it already, please watch it! I thought they did an excellent job w/this remake. It was such a lovely movie. By the end of the movie I came out like I was on cloud 9, wanting to be loving and friendly with everyone lol. You have to watch it to see what I'm talking about. More proof that what we WATCH (and listen to) can definitely influence us either for the better ....or for the worse......

A few things she mentioned in her books, I tried out on SO and they work! wonders. It does take practice though because it is a mind shift. In one of those books she breaks it down completely that men are not hairy women. I've heard that before but she explained all the ways we think they are hairy women in our thoughts and behaviors that it finally clicked in my head for good.

What techniquest did she mention in her book??


Btw, I saw Part 3 of the interview that you posted upthread. I'm LOVING the gems this woman is giving!



One thing I didn't quite "get" however was how she mentioned towards the end that "confidence in a woman impels him to want to take care of her". In other words, "the more confident a woman is, the MORE a man will want to take care of her".

I didn't quite understand what she meant by that. Can anyone decode?? Imo I always felt as though the more "confident" or competent a woman was, the LESS a man would feel needed and therefore would feel LESS inclined to want to help or provide for a woman. Am I missing her point? Or maybe I'm thinking of two different definitions of confidence?

It almost reminds me of a quote John Gray mentioned in his book "Mars & Venus On A Date" that I have never forgotten.... It was a chapter on a woman and self-assuredness. In other words he was basically talking about how when a woman is self-assured (knows she will get what she wants...isn't afraid that she won't get her needs met), this type of woman is VERY attractive to a man. Is THIS what the woman in this video is also pretty much saying? Or am I getting this all wrong?

 

[Kimbosheart]

@Crystalicequeen123 ahh... you have to read the books. Her position is that the soul of a man is to provide. And he is going to pick a women who he can make happy. So if you are "whole" and happy on your own a man will think... "I can make her happy" he's going to provide the strength, protection, his resources to keep you being you.

So don't be a black hole... meaning don't live your life in a state of lack. So typical thoughts like

I can't be happy/have fun/complete/whole until I have a man/am married/am skinny/new job/more money.....

Does that help.

The technique I used was based on listening. I gave him some time to get settled after work, I warned him that I wanted to ask him a question on a few things and to let me know when he was free to talk. And he gave his full attention to the question and then for his response, I listened to him the way she recommends. No interruptions, attention solely on him, no distractions and...when he pauses or seems to stop talking.....don't say anything and he will give more. She also mentions that if it is a serious question, that I prepare myself. I should be relaxed and in a good mind frame so do something that makes me smile and then don't have an answer in my head.

But I highly suggest her books because when she talks about men being men and women being women it cuts to the core of what femininity and masculinity really is. It's like another poster mentioned. It's not a way of dress or a style of hair, it's your energy and how you allow it to flow. She even helps you determine what your ritual should be to activate different feminine energies.

Another thing she recommends that single women go to bars/dancing with a male friend there to escort you. You won't have any masculine energy since you will feel safe with him you will be allowed to truly radiate femininity because of that feeling. Which is 100% true anecdotally because in college we had a guy friend that always tagged along and we had so many men come up to us.

Her method is different in that you learn so much about femininity based on learning about masculinity through appreciation of men and realistic interactions. So it's easy to digest and then apply.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123 ahh... you have to read the books. Her position is that the soul of a man is to provide. And he is going to pick a women who he can make happy. So if you are "whole" and happy on your own a man will think... "I can make her happy" he's going to provide the strength, protection, his resources to keep you being you.

So don't be a black hole... meaning don't live your life in a state of lack. So typical thoughts like

I can't be happy/have fun/complete/whole until I have a man/am married/am skinny/new job/more money.....

Does that help.

WOW.....

Thank you so much @Kimbosheart for explaining this!! I have always heard that men loooove women who seem happy, but I never quite understood the deep reasoning behind WHY this is. I just figured that men liked happy women because usually most people prefer others who are "happy" lol. But your breaking down what she mentions in her book just hit me to the core. I've never had it explained this way before!

I'm having all sorts of epiphanies right now lol.

I think I'm a generally happy individual, probably more so than most (at least to the outside world), but I DO think I could stand to work on being in the present moment and CONTENT with what I have NOW, as opposed to what I don't have (or what I'm working on) right now.

Doing the CITO journey and focusing on myself this year has really helpede me to not be in such a dire feeling of lack when it comes to being single or not having a bf/a ring on my finger, so I'm happy that I'm starting to feel a little less anxious about THAT aspect of my life. I feel happier too. But in general I think I could work on ensuring that I'm focusing on the POSITIVE in my life.

The technique I used was based on listening. I gave him some time to get settled after work, I warned him that I wanted to ask him a question on a few things and to let me know when he was free to talk. And he gave his full attention to the question and then for his response, I listened to him the way she recommends. No interruptions, attention solely on him, no distractions and...when he pauses or seems to stop talking.....don't say anything and he will give more. She also mentions that if it is a serious question, that I prepare myself. I should be relaxed and in a good mind frame so do something that makes me smile and then don't have an answer in my head.

Awwww....that's so nice! I'm glad those techniques worked for you!

I have to admit, I've noticed this before with guy friends and even with my brother-in-law. At the time I didn't know/realize what I was doing, but now that I look back, I got some of the BEST relationship advice from them when I was simply open, listening, not interrupting, and being willing to RECEIVE information as opposed to negate or interrupt them. They were MORE than willing to give me advice (lots of it!) when I was simply innocently asking them questions on how the male mind works, what to do in a certain situation I had in a relationship, or just general guy advice period.

But I highly suggest her books because when she talks about men being men and women being women it cuts to the core of what femininity and masculinity really is. It's like another poster mentioned. It's not a way of dress or a style of hair, it's your energy and how you allow it to flow. She even helps you determine what your ritual should be to activate different feminine energies..

Hmm...wow, now you have me interested in checking out this book! I read reviews on Amazon, and many were saying that the book was so short and simply an advertisement for her seminars. Was this true? What was your take on the book? Is it worth the price?


Men and women really ARE different, but I think we as women tend to forget it. We treat men like they are more masculine versions of women, but in reality the way they think is completely different from us! That's why I say that a man may get a boob job, take hormones, wear a dress, put on makeup, slip on some kitten heels, and even get a full sex-change operation, but in the brain he will ALWAYS be a MAN. He may change a lot of things, but one thing he will NEVER be able to change his is DNA and his brain. Men and women are just wired differently.

 

[Kimbosheart]

@Crystalicequeen123 I would start with the queens code for $10. It's very informative and written like a novel so it's not an advertisement at all. Then I would get keys to the kingdom which is also $10. This book is actually part 1 of queens code but if you're not in a relationship the queens code would be more helpful right away. I did pay the $7 for understanding men and it is short but I like it

Next listen to all the clips on her websites and read those articles and then there is a wealth of info on YouTube. Various interviews and stuff. Her workshops are pretty pricey. If I make it through all the material on YouTube and the various articles and still have questions I'd be amazed.

Now that said some of her workshops or excerpts are on audible for $18. That's not too bad. But before I do that I would still want to get as much for free as possible.

On the other hand she has given me some valuable information already and I've applied it. So I'm not against paying some amount to her.

 

[LovingLady]

I didn't even realize that men pay attention to nail polish! WOW! I thought that was just a woman thing (looking at the nails). Hmmm....looks like I better start getting manicures again or doing my own nails.

Yes they do. I have gotten the best response to colors that were similar to my skin tone. Do you ladies us regular polish or gels. I am resistant to trying gel because of the long term negative effects on my nail bed.

I also LOVED how she talked about the two types of attraction...."lust" vs. "charming". The woman who illicits only lust in a man will have a man who is selfish, only wants to take....I'm thinking...One Night Stand?? Whereas the woman who is charming, enchanting, and feminine illicits a different type of attraction in a man. This attraction encourages him to want to GIVE to her, provide for her, PROTECT her, and be on his BEST behavior for her. This is the type of attraction (imo) that leads a man to want to make you his WIFE.

NOT CONDONING CHEATING: I heard man say that when he (or any man) cheats on his wife it does not mean anything, but when the reverse happens it is significant. The video explains that concept. The man (typically) is in lust and is looking to take from the women where as when he is with his wife he is giving to her. The more I think about it cheat is deeper than we think in all the wrong ways.

Like @TracyNicole mentioned, I tend to have a pretty quick wit also when I'm around men, and I've found that I need to tone it down some. I've already come a LONG way lol, but I may need to tone it down even more. I'm not saying I have to be a doormat, or be uptight (actually, I find guys do enjoy a little gentle flirty verbal sparring from time to time lol ), but I have come to realize through my "experiments" that I do need to keep it at a minimum because I get a totally DIFFERENT response from men when I'm gentle, demure, feminine, friendly, and NOT sparring with them. I get a gentleman, and not a guy who's more like a "guy friend". There's an essence of kindness that comes out in a man when I'm being feminine and gentle myself, as opposed to when I'm acting like "one of the guys".

In school a few of the ladies would "educate" me by saying that when men have guy talk around/to you it was a compliment. I didn't know how but I know that was not accurate. I made sure to put all guys on notice that when you approach men, when you are around me, you speak to me like a lady. When you act/talk like a man they will treat you as such.

What do u mean hairy women? Can you elaborate??

Since men and women are different, their ways of communicating is also different. What a women would typically do is communicate with a man the same way she would communicate with another women. In that sense she would see men as a muscular "hairy women".[/QUOTE]

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123 I would start with the queens code for $10. It's very informative and written like a novel so it's not an advertisement at all. Then I would get keys to the kingdom which is also $10. This book is actually part 1 of queens code but if you're not in a relationship the queens code would be more helpful right away. I did pay the $7 for understanding men and it is short but I like it

Next listen to all the clips on her websites and read those articles and then there is a wealth of info on YouTube. Various interviews and stuff. Her workshops are pretty pricey. If I make it through all the material on YouTube and the various articles and still have questions I'd be amazed.

Now that said some of her workshops or excerpts are on audible for $18. That's not too bad. But before I do that I would still want to get as much for free as possible.

On the other hand she has given me some valuable information already and I've applied it. So I'm not against paying some amount to her.

Hmm......thanks for the tips!! I'll have to do some research on the Queen's Code!

Yes they do. I have gotten the best response to colors that were similar to my skin tone. Do you ladies us regular polish or gels. I am resistant to trying gel because of the long term negative effects on my nail bed.

I use both, but I do tend to prefer gels (if I can) simply because it LASTS longer. I don't have to get manicures as often, and it doesn't chip as frequently. I will say however that it DOES cost a little more, and I think eventually I guess it could ruin your nail bed, especially if you don't remove them properly. But I usually try to alternate. I just wish regular nail polish would last longer. I feel like reg. nail polish has gotten worse over the years in terms of lasting power.

NOT CONDONING CHEATING: I heard man say that when he (or any man) cheats on his wife it does not mean anything, but when the reverse happens it is significant. The video explains that concept. The man (typically) is in lust and is looking to take from the women where as when he is with his wife he is giving to her. The more I think about it cheat is deeper than we think in all the wrong ways.

Very interesting....

In school a few of the ladies would "educate" me by saying that when men have guy talk around/to you it was a compliment. I didn't know how but I know that was not accurate. I made sure to put all guys on notice that when you approach men, when you are around me, you speak to me like a lady. When you act/talk like a man they will treat you as such.

Yea...I wouldn't consider a guy talking to me like I'm one of his "bros" to be a compliment. This is why I have tried to tone down my nature to be "witty" and be verbally sparring back and forth with guys too much. I find that I end up being treated like "one of the guys" at times if I take it too far. I prefer to be treated like a lady. One of my guy friends that I used to verbally spar with (he was usually initiating it! ) completely changed 100% when I started acting more demure, lady-like, and bit my tongue when I could have ripped him a new one (jokingly of course ). The change in him was so STARK that from that day on I realized how MY actions and behavior could be affecting how guys treat ME. Like the lady in the video, in the past I used to assume that either guys were jerks or "nice guys". It had never occured to me (until that little "experiment" I did) that I could possibly be contributing to how guys treated me.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Well ladies I'm excited because I just bought some new things!

I just got some new makeup from BareMinerals/BareEscentuals because I just LOVE their line! It always looks so natural on me. Well, I "splurged" and bought some new items that I've never tried before, and I'm going to try them on either tonight or tomorrow! I'm excited!!!

I know makeup doesn't make a woman, but I personally always feel so much more feminine and my "best" when I wear at least a little makeup everyday. I look my best too. I don't usually cake it on, but just a little bit here and there has always done wonders for me.


I also bought some new hair products.... One product that I bought was some unrefined African shea butter. I've never bought from Butters & Bars before, but when the package came in the mail yesterday I LOVED LOVED LOVED the feel of the shea butter! I have used raw shea butter in the past that was hard and waxy, but this one is more creamy and I don't have to scrape in order to use it lol I think I'm going to LOVE putting this stuff on my hair (and SKIN!) when I get my weave taken down this weekend. I'm doing a full hair wash/pampering day this Saturday. My poor tresses underneath... I love the way the weave looks on me (love the color, love the compliments, etc), but I just prefer my OWN hair honestly. I love playing in my hair, washing it, styling it, etc. I feel like my hair has been covered, but I miss it and I think it needs to breathe now lol. I don't see how people wear weaves back to back to back.... But hey...whatever works for people right?

Anyway, here are pictures!!

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[sweetvi]

Your a mess!!! @Crystal Lol I'm not buying anymore things from your suggestions, I am going to go broke. I did buy bb cream from walgreens and under eye concealer. I wore it the other day and saw that it barely looked like I had anything on and my face looked so much prettier in the pics. That will be my regular routine from now on.....

Side note: has anyone ever been approached by a psychic? This is the second time it has happened to me in several yrs. The young lady said I had an incredible ENERGY and would like to do a reading. She said she kept picking up something about me when I was walking towards her and also about my live life. As a Christian, of course I denied her but it just had me wondering lol...

P.s. it could be a scam but I remember how we kept addressing the energy we put out is what attracts prople. Maybe she did sense something, however I need it to attract the right guy lol

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Your a mess!!! @Crystal Lol I'm not buying anymore things from your suggestions, I am going to go broke. I did buy bb cream from walgreens and under eye concealer. I wore it the other day and saw that it barely looked like I had anything on and my face looked so much prettier in the pics. That will be my regular routine from now on.....

Side note: has anyone ever been approached by a psychic? This is the second time it has happened to me in several yrs. The young lady said I had an incredible ENERGY and would like to do a reading. She said she kept picking up something about me when I was walking towards her and also about my live life. As a Christian, of course I denied her but it just had me wondering lol...

P.s. it could be a scam but I remember how we kept addressing the energy we put out is what attracts prople. Maybe she did sense something, however I need it to attract the right guy lol

Sorry!!! I just had to share things that are working for me lol. I like to share my wealth of knowledge with my fellow ladies just in case anyone is interested haha.

Btw, what is bb cream??

Never been approached by a psychic lol, but as a Christian I wouldn't be interested anyway. Honestly? Psychics creep me out.... My mom has had one come up to her saying she had a "great aura" or "energy" or whatever it was, but she just KIM. Sometimes I think they say those things to lure you in for money.

Girlllll just be careful..... You know where they get their power from. People can choose to do what they want to do of course, but for me personally, I try to stay far far away from anything that....

I DO believe that people can sense your energy however, and it may not have anything to do with demonic influences. I think it's just that our bodies are energy. We emit it. You can even FEEL it when someone is happy, energetic, optimistic about life, etc...vs when they are down, depressed, feeling negative, etc. I can feel it even in myself!

You must be doing somethng right lol! So keep up the good work. I'll never forget how motivational speaker Tony Robbins always says that a lot of times depression or feeling sad is simply a state of mind. You can CHOOSE to be happy or to be sad based on what you focus on, bring your attention to, think about ,etc. Now of course, some people really do have true genuine chemical imbalances that cause their depression, so I'm not saying you can just listen to some self-motivational tapes and be "cured". I'm just saying that minimal/minor depression or feeling "down" is actually very controllable. He even states that the way you move, sit, stand, posture, etc can also affect your moods/how you feel. Pretty deep stuff!

 

[LoveisYou]

Just want to add that members DO pay attention to nails. I once had a guy tell me that he loved my purple nail polish, but he hated my grey nail polish because it "looked old."

 

[sweetvi]

@Crystalicequeen123

You don't need to tell me twice love. I know...trust me!!! I feel like it was the energy I portrayee. Then she said God Bless me after I politely refused. I think it was profound that she came up to me which was on a Tuesday, because that sat n sunday I spent the weekend fasting, praying and purging my heart. I was at a good moment. I was actually feeling down and d
Blue for a good while. So I know she sensed something...


As far as this quote:


"You must be doing somethng right lol! So keep up the good work. I'll never forget how motivational speaker Tony Robbins always says that a lot of times depression or feeling sad is simply a state of mind. You can CHOOSE to be happy or to be sad based on what you focus on, bring your attention to, think about ,etc."

I remember my friend used to always say fake it until you make it.. I never agreed with that but you know what...it is true. I believe she was accurate. You can't rely on someone to make you happy, it is true about what they say about being Happy in my singlehood because in marriage no man will heal me or make it all better. The happiness comes from within.

 

[sweetvi]

@Crystalicequeen123 BBC REAM is a beauty balm perfector. The Asians were using them for a long time which eventually migrated to the states. It has many properties and works as a light foundation with spf 30 for sunscreen. It also is a moisturizer and helps blurs imperfections. I've used it once and so far likes it. I got the maybelline version from walgreens.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Some tidbits from the understandmen.com

In The Queen’s Code for Relationships workshop, Alison Armstrong teaches women the twelve things that make a woman “the right person” for a man. This Celebrating Men Morsel is a message from Alison...

“For many years, I’ve asked men what had them choose their wife as their life-long partner. One frequent response has been that standing beside other women, “there was no comparison.” I always thought they meant that when compared to other women, their wives came out in first place; that they won the competition, and that’s why they were chosen.

Lately I discovered that, once again, men are much more literal than that. What men mean when they say “there’s no comparison” is exactly that – the mechanism of automatically comparing their choice to other women is turned off, no longer operational – shut down completely. They simply find themselves no longer comparing. They experience this as an enormous freedom. For the perpetual hunter, the hunt is over and they can relax.”

Feedback on the last Morsel has been fascinating. Men wrote that we articulated something that they have tried to express for years. Women wrote, somewhat in a panic, wanting to know “when does this happen?” As near as we can tell, it happens immediately. That’s both the bad news and the good news, ladies.

The bad news is that if the comparison function doesn’t turn off right way, then it never will – no matter how much he cares about you, loves you or gets to know you better. It’s futile to ask to be “given a chance.”

The good news is that “no comparison” is available! As women, we can feel when we’re being compared to other women and it doesn’t feel good. Even when we “win,” it’s threatening to us and destructive to our relationships with other women. That it’s possible for a man to meet a woman and feel that the hunt is over, that she is the destination, is wonderful. We recommend that women look around to see for what men you are that. With so much at stake, he probably needs your encouragement to pursue you.

 

[sweetvi]

That's y im a strong believe in men knowing right away if they will marry you. There are occasions where they will know down the line but many men I know said they knew right away

 

[Kimbosheart]

@sweetvi I 100% agree. I can point out the exes where I broke that function for them. I think these are the guys that still call and check on you, no matter how the relationship ended. They still want to be in your life in some way. The next girl looks like you or has something in common with you.

But in reading and listening to this author there are other factors between knowing you are the women he is going to marry to actually marrying you right away. It's all starting to make sense. The men most likely to get ready are in the Prince phase of their development and princes have 1 of 2 philosphies on marriage. A. you build your future kingdom from the ground up with a partner or B. You get a princess/future queen once you've secured your castle. She also says men marry their wives... the women who have never held back their love and support for him.

She also talks about why women after 9 months in a relationship start going crazy about why a man hasn't asked her to marry him yet. It's so funny and true to read about it in a clinical sense and to see that things happening in your life or your friends lives are completely normal.

Another thing I like about her is she talks about the top 4 qualities that are attractive to men in a non-physical way. These qualities compel men to respond in a certain way for each one and when you add these qualities to a physical attraction you get a romantic relationship and possibly love. The qualities are not feminine/masculine but she explains how the feminine expression of them draw men to you. Now if you can maintain those qualities while not emasculating him, plus you break his comparison mechanism, and he's in a place where he is ready to provide (in his way) for a wife, thats when he's inspired to go out shopping for the ring and you're golden. But some of these things are harder than they sound, especially if you have habits built over a lifetime. Some of these bad habits, I picked up in college and while working in corporate America and then just didn't switch when I got home or went out socially. Some of them, were always there in girl talk and while my examples growing up were stellar and most of my experiences with men have been great it's good to look back at things with new information to understand what I was seeing.

I've been trying this out over the past week and a half and I already see amazing results, even over the phone with my four year old boy cousins. So I'm going to keep practicing and noticing some of these changes and responses.

Last note, the interesting thing about trying to cultivate a quality in yourself you have to understand what you are measuring against. I don't want to be more feminine than the next feminine woman, I want my femininity to be as compared to masculinity in men. So understanding men, seems to be bringing out the most feminine in me, rather than studying another women's expression of her feminine qualities. The way she presents the information has been the most clear and works the best for me. I also love how she recommends movies and other authors to study to help cement a concept.

 

[LovingLady]

@sweetvi
I don't want to be more feminine than the next feminine woman, I want my femininity to be as compared to masculinity in men. So understanding men, seems to be bringing out the most feminine in me, rather than studying another women's expression of her feminine qualities.

Femininity is unique, it is based on who the women is and the type of man she is looking for.

 

[sweetvi]

@Kimbosheart

I need some links. I like your breakdown. I need to check her out. Thk you I read she has been married 20 yrs.....coool

 

[Kimbosheart]

Here are the resources I'm using to gather as much information from Alison Armstrong as I can at the lowest cost. I may not purchase everything on this list. This is just what I have found that is out there that don't require signing up for the $1k workshops.


Where I started:

Book 1: keys to the kingdom
- this book is on the stages of development for men. If you're more interested in when men get married, why they get married, or if you are currently living with a man and are having some issues, start here. This is also book 1 so the characters are introduced. The fictionalized writing is decent---not great but the information she is trying to impart is spot on.

Book 2: The Queen's Code or you can order it from her site and for $5 more you get some videos at the end of each chapter where she is answering in-depth to concepts from each chapter. I choose the $15 option The Queen's Code site

Book 2 is probably a better start for single women. You can begin to implement the concepts immediately and see a difference.


Other free resources:

youtube playlist
Queen's code articles
Understanding Men Articles

Next Purchases:

Understanding Women: Unlock the Mystery
In Sync with the Opposite Sex
Celebrating Partnerships
Celebrating Love

 

[Kimbosheart]

I will say that doing the Calling in the One Challenge and then the Kon Mari method has left me blisffully open minded to new suggestions without threatening my sense of self. I realize I've made mistakes but I'm hopeful and I want to learn more. I also realize that increasing my femininity as it relates to masculinity in men will make me more effective at home, work, with family members, just in every area of my life.

I say all of that as a warning, because if you aren't open minded you probably shouldn't start any of her teachings. You have to be open to another possibility for what is happening around you and where it came from. That being said, she isn't saying anything you maybe haven't heard before. But she is clear and logical. No "lovely'" or "doves"; no metaphors or poetry.

That being said, I think with anything in life you have to know your truth or be able to recognize truth for you on the spot. I would love someone else to discuss this stuff with. It is fascinating, so I hope some of y'all try her stuff out and tell me what you think.