Feminine Belles - Info/discussion/support Thread

[Crystalicequeen123]

I hope everyone had a peaceful weekend.

I did have a nice weekend!!! Thanks @Kimbosheart for the well-wishes.

I've been doing a little bit better after the death of my little fur baby. Thank you all for your kind words of sympathy.


Updates.... (I apologize in advance for the length, but I have to vent....)

I just wanted to give you all some updates on my "Femininity & Mid-Year Self-Improvement Challenge".

One of the BIGGEST updates I suppose is that my hair has changed. I needed a protective style for the summer, and so I got a friend of mine to do a sew-in weave in my hair. The hair is bra-strap length, a slightly lighter color than natural hair, and is yaki straight. I feel cute, lively, and definitely really feminine.

Let me tell you ladies, the response to my new look has been shocking to say the least! I mean, it's almost as if people think I'm a new person or something! I have to admit, the new attention has been very flattering. I keep forgetting that people in my new state have never seen my hair when it was relaxed like people back in my old home state did.

With that said however....something has been bugging me. You ladies know I never mince words on here lol, so I'm going to just come right out with it.

Idk if any of you ladies on here are natural or are relaxed or texlaxed or wear weaves/wigs or whatever lol, but the response to my "new" hair over the past couple of weeks has been so drastic that it's almost making me feel some kind of way. Maybe you all have been through this/noticed this before yourselves? Anyway, I'm a 4a/b natural, so usually I wear my hair in twists, twist-outs, cute puffs, stretched out styles, and bantu knot-outs. Every once in a blue moon I will wear a wash-n-go or an afro, but now that my hair is longer (about collarbone length) I definitely try to refrain from those shrunken styles because it usually = tangle and knot city!

Anyway, I'm not really a weave-wearer (this is only my 2nd hair weave in my life since 2007!! ) but as soon as I switched to wearing my bra-strap length weave, the response from friends and even strangers is so stark that I cannot deny that I'm getting treated differently now due to my "new hair". I've noticed that strangers smile at me more, strangers say hello to me when I walk into a store or they hold the door open for me (Oh BOY do I get the doors held open for me!). Not that people weren't holding it open before, but just that it's definintely more noticeable now. I find that guys (especially the few black guys in my area) actually LOOK at me now. Whereas before, I was pretty much invisible to men, especially black men... People have just been showering me with compliments in my congregation when they see me. People in my congregation and friends have always given me compliments with my natural hair, but before it was like: "Oh your hair is so cool, I wish mine could do that", "I just LOVE your hair!", "your hair is so interesting and versatile, I wish mine were like that." But NOW that my hair is straight and long it's almost as if people are losing their minds!! Now I get compliments like: "WOW! Your hair looks amazing!" , "Omg you're so BEAUTIFUL!" , "I almost didn't recognize you, you look so beautiful!" , "You're looking so good girl...", "You look like a completely different person!" , "Did you change your wardrobe?? Seems like you've been dressing differently too..." (keep in mind, NOTHING has changed, I haven't bought any new clothes, and my makeup application is the SAME!)
*sigh*..... So, I guess I've just been feeling kind of bummed out because I'm here thinking to myself: "Gee...what did I look like before??" Did I look that bad?? Everyone swears that it's not that I looked "bad" before (in fact friends and people in my congregation are always calling me "hello beautiful" even back with my natural hair styles), but it's just a totally different vibe now. It's almost as though people stare at me in awe and amazement with a smile on their face now when they see me. It's like, I've "stepped up" my game or something. Almost as though they couldn't see my "beauty" before when my hair was short and natural. So far I've only had one person (this older white man at church) tell me that he actually prefers me with my curly natural hair.

Idk....it's just making me feel some kind of way. Not a good feeling. I just can't believe that society in general is still stuck on "straight" hair.

My question to you ladies is, have you guys ever experienced a difference in how you are treated based on how you wear your hair? Is it just MY imagination? Is it because my hair is straight, or because it's LONG that is causing the biggest "fuss"? Maybe it looks so much more feminine?

*sigh* Idk what to think or feel. I love my natural hair, and I'm not really one who likes to wear fake hair (in fact, this weave is already getting on my nerves (so itchy!! ), but at the same time I can't help but like the attention I'm getting from people. Plus, I never have a "bad hair day" lol. Ugh....I feel torn....

 

[shermeezy]

@Crystalicequeen123

I can totally relate to your frustration/fascination with the attention you’re receiving. I notice it as well when I straighten my natural hair after long bouts of wearing it natural. I think it’s important to keep things in perspective. You are attracting more attention and comments from people who are conditioned to like straight hair. When you wear your natural hair out in its glory, I’m sure you attract similar attention. Maybe not on the same scale but it’s relative to your environment. So you may be just attracting a certain category of people that for some reason may be more vocal than others. I often salivate over beautiful natural hair in public, but I rarely comment because I don’t want to be too creepy or intrusive. This also reminds me of another anecdote - I get more attention and opened doors from Black men in the South as opposed to the North; However, it’s the complete opposite with white men. Regardless of my hairstyle. So maybe, for argument’s sake, it’s just a matter of perspective.

Of course, there will always be a contingent of people who are more comfortable when women come closer to the normative beauty standards, which in this country mean straight hair. This is equally prevalent in the Black community. Or, these people could just be conditioned to recognize and respond to change. They see something different and just start vocalizing and fawning over any sort of change.

Don’t let any of these things discourage you! When I wear my hair natural it’s easy, thick and awesome. It and allows me to work-out more often and smells delicious. I still straighten my hair occasionally but I do it on my own terms. Just make sure you do what you want to your hair on your own terms.

I did have a nice weekend!!! Thanks @Kimbosheart for the well-wishes.

I've been doing a little bit better after the death of my little fur baby. Thank you all for your kind words of sympathy.


Updates.... (I apologize in advance for the length, but I have to vent....)

I just wanted to give you all some updates on my "Femininity & Mid-Year Self-Improvement Challenge".

One of the BIGGEST updates I suppose is that my hair has changed. I needed a protective style for the summer, and so I got a friend of mine to do a sew-in weave in my hair. The hair is bra-strap length, a slightly lighter color than natural hair, and is yaki straight. I feel cute, lively, and definitely really feminine.

Let me tell you ladies, the response to my new look has been shocking to say the least! I mean, it's almost as if people think I'm a new person or something! I have to admit, the new attention has been very flattering. I keep forgetting that people in my new state have never seen my hair when it was relaxed like people back in my old home state did.

With that said however....something has been bugging me. You ladies know I never mince words on here lol, so I'm going to just come right out with it.

Idk if any of you ladies on here are natural or are relaxed or texlaxed or wear weaves/wigs or whatever lol, but the response to my "new" hair over the past couple of weeks has been so drastic that it's almost making me feel some kind of way. Maybe you all have been through this/noticed this before yourselves? Anyway, I'm a 4a/b natural, so usually I wear my hair in twists, twist-outs, cute puffs, stretched out styles, and bantu knot-outs. Every once in a blue moon I will wear a wash-n-go or an afro, but now that my hair is longer (about collarbone length) I definitely try to refrain from those shrunken styles because it usually = tangle and knot city!

Anyway, I'm not really a weave-wearer (this is only my 2nd hair weave in my life since 2007!! ) but as soon as I switched to wearing my bra-strap length weave, the response from friends and even strangers is so stark that I cannot deny that I'm getting treated differently now due to my "new hair". I've noticed that strangers smile at me more, strangers say hello to me when I walk into a store or they hold the door open for me (Oh BOY do I get the doors held open for me!). Not that people weren't holding it open before, but just that it's definintely more noticeable now. I find that guys (especially the few black guys in my area) actually LOOK at me now. Whereas before, I was pretty much invisible to men, especially black men... People have just been showering me with compliments in my congregation when they see me. People in my congregation and friends have always given me compliments with my natural hair, but before it was like: "Oh your hair is so cool, I wish mine could do that", "I just LOVE your hair!", "your hair is so interesting and versatile, I wish mine were like that." But NOW that my hair is straight and long it's almost as if people are losing their minds!! Now I get compliments like: "WOW! Your hair looks amazing!" , "Omg you're so BEAUTIFUL!" , "I almost didn't recognize you, you look so beautiful!" , "You're looking so good girl...", "You look like a completely different person!" , "Did you change your wardrobe?? Seems like you've been dressing differently too..." (keep in mind, NOTHING has changed, I haven't bought any new clothes, and my makeup application is the SAME!)
*sigh*..... So, I guess I've just been feeling kind of bummed out because I'm here thinking to myself: "Gee...what did I look like before??" Did I look that bad?? Everyone swears that it's not that I looked "bad" before (in fact friends and people in my congregation are always calling me "hello beautiful" even back with my natural hair styles), but it's just a totally different vibe now. It's almost as though people stare at me in awe and amazement with a smile on their face now when they see me. It's like, I've "stepped up" my game or something. Almost as though they couldn't see my "beauty" before when my hair was short and natural. So far I've only had one person (this older white man at church) tell me that he actually prefers me with my curly natural hair.

Idk....it's just making me feel some kind of way. Not a good feeling. I just can't believe that society in general is still stuck on "straight" hair.

My question to you ladies is, have you guys ever experienced a difference in how you are treated based on how you wear your hair? Is it just MY imagination? Is it because my hair is straight, or because it's LONG that is causing the biggest "fuss"? Maybe it looks so much more feminine?

*sigh* Idk what to think or feel. I love my natural hair, and I'm not really one who likes to wear fake hair (in fact, this weave is already getting on my nerves (so itchy!! ), but at the same time I can't help but like the attention I'm getting from people. Plus, I never have a "bad hair day" lol. Ugh....I feel torn....

 

[Kimbosheart]

I'm slightly jealous of people who can read the Bible amd get something out of it. I do better with isolated Biblical quotes, I've come across some really beautiful ones. But everytime, I've tried reading the Bible I become confused, bored, annoyed, sometimes dismayed.
I am a very spiritual person, but I've never done well when I read the Bible, which annoys me because others seem to do so well with it.

Well... I am Catholic, and they don't necessisarily teach you how to interact with the Bible, so I had to learn on my own. A good resource is "A Modern Girl's Guide to Bible Study" by Jenn Hattmaker. I only read the first few chapters of her book but it has made a tremendous difference.

Later this afternoon, I will type up this Golden Nugget of mindfulness I just received for those of us who are Type A personalities struggling with the feminine quality of letting someone else take action.

 

[Kimbosheart]

@Crystalicequeen123 I've noticed your comments about this in other threads. I think a few things may be going on here.

1. Straight hair may be more flattering for you and to you. Notice I said "more" it doesn't mean you looked anywhere near bad with it natural but straight may just be "more".

2. It's all in your head (this is my bet). You are creating the reality you are currently experiencing. Meaning there may be a negligible difference in your appearance straight or natural but you feel more confident, radiant and beautiful with it straight as that aligns with your ideals of your own beauty. People are responding to that confidence and you are taking note of those responses. Similar to when you buy a red ford mustang, all you see on the road is red ford mustangs.

I think one of the downfalls of any massive trend is that sometimes we follow, when that might not be best for us. Why did you go natural? How is that goal working out for you? Is the tradeoff of achieving that goal worth the slight loss of confidence?

One of our sources listed mentioned that it is highly feminine to want to be noticed. I think there is nothing wrong with having to take more effort to keep your hair healthy and relaxed if it means that your natural desire for compliments is satisfied.

Either way, straight or natural, I bet you are a stunner in person

 

[Kimbosheart]

I'll just add one more tidbit. I'm a straight haired natural. I've been natural most of my life except about 15 years ago when I tried a relaxer and it didn't take. I have gone at most 6 months with it curly but that ruined my hair health and I couldn't manage it the way I manage it straight. Plus... I have more swag when it's straight, when I wear it curly it feels more like a costume.

 

[ladysaraii]

@Crystalicequeen123

Have you ever had your natural hair styled professionally? I know that when I do my own hair, a lot of styles look b/c I'm not that great at it. But I see women who have natural styles that look really great.

So maybe it's that the weave looks more 'done' so to speak than your normal styles?

I don't think you need to relax if you don't want to. I know I won't b/c of my hair health and I don't plan on straightening, so I'll be playing around with this issue myself.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thank you ladies for your comments. I'm glad you all can relate.

I guess it's probably the same feeling a woman may get when she starts wearing makeup for the first time, or starts dressing more femininely. It's not that she looked "bad" before, but when she wears makeup, or undergoes a makeover/transformation/buys a new makeup line/or gets some training or tips on how to apply her makeup better, it's like all of a sudden compliments start coming out of the woodwork! I can see how the woman could start to feel a little like by all the new attention.

Sorry again for the novel, but I have to clarify some things.... I don't wish anyone to get the wrong impression lol.

@Crystalicequeen123

I can totally relate to your frustration/fascination with the attention you’re receiving. I notice it as well when I straighten my natural hair after long bouts of wearing it natural. I think it’s important to keep things in perspective. You are attracting more attention and comments from people who are conditioned to like straight hair. When you wear your natural hair out in its glory, I’m sure you attract similar attention. Maybe not on the same scale but it’s relative to your environment. So you may be just attracting a certain category of people that for some reason may be more vocal than others.

Thanks for this viewpoint. You may be right, maybe it's that I'm attracting different people? But the same people who said they liked my natural hair are saying they like the weave hair as well. I think you're right though, people are just more conditioned to like straight hair. I guess it looks more "polished" and "put together" in some people's minds.

I have also moved out of state, so while people in my homestate were used to seeing bw with natural hair, out here I'm living in the "weave capital of the world" lol , so maybe people just aren't used to seeing a lot of bw w/natural hair out here.

It doesn't bother me deeply or anything, but it just makes me feel some kind of way. Like, people are actually NICER to me! Strangers I mean. My friends and people that I see regularly are always nice regardless, but even with them I notice they are complimenting me more. I figured I would get SOME comments because let's face it, people just love anything "new". But when it's been 3 weeks and you're STILL commenting on my hair and how "gorgeous" I look, I'm like....

Don’t let any of these things discourage you! When I wear my hair natural it’s easy, thick and awesome. It and allows me to work-out more often and smells delicious. I still straighten my hair occasionally but I do it on my own terms. Just make sure you do what you want to your hair on your own terms.

Thank you....

@Crystalicequeen123 I've noticed your comments about this in other threads. I think a few things may be going on here.

1. Straight hair may be more flattering for you and to you. Notice I said "more" it doesn't mean you looked anywhere near bad with it natural but straight may just be "more".

You brought up so many points I just have to take them one by one!

In all honesty, I do think that LONG hair is more flattering to me. I've always thought this...even when I was relaxed I preffered my hair to be as long as possible because it really is more flattering on me. My hair has never been longer than slightly APL though, so I've never had BSL long swinging hair...even as a relaxed head lol. I would wear my hair in buns while relaxed like 70% of the time, but anytime I would get a fresh touch-up, or wear it down after a salon appointment, my guy friends (black, white, hispanic, etc) would ALL give me compliments on my hair. Women would even tell me that my hair looked SO good when it was down. One guy friend of mine told me: "You're pretty with your hair up, but when you wear your hair down, you're like in a totally different league all together!" *excuse me while I go wipe the drool off his chin lol*

But yes, you may have a point....Maybe my hair just looks better straight??? Personally, I think I look good with natural or straight hair... I like my hair styled either way. But ever since I moved out of state, I have had more "hair challenges" than usual simply because of the "changes" in my new state. (Barely any black-salons in my area, the water is harder which = dry breaking hair, weather is warm...ALL the time, lack of moisture or humidty in the air = DRY, the "natural movement" isn't as "big" out here, etc). So, to be honest I've had some bad hair days lol. I mean, back home I had friends who knew how to do really nice intricate natural hair styles, so my hair usually looked "on point" for the most part. Now days....it's hit or miss. I do the best I can, and I've installed a shower filter, so that has helped tremendously, but it's not the same.

2. It's all in your head (this is my bet). You are creating the reality you are currently experiencing. Meaning there may be a negligible difference in your appearance straight or natural but you feel more confident, radiant and beautiful with it straight as that aligns with your ideals of your own beauty. People are responding to that confidence and you are taking note of those responses. Similar to when you buy a red ford mustang, all you see on the road is red ford mustangs.

You know, I'm not going to completely disagree with you, because who knows?? Maybe you're right? But I will say this, that I don't feel like I'm behaving any differently. In fact, I actually don't usually feel comfortable with "fake hair" on my head because I very rarely wear weaves or wigs. In fact, this is only my 2nd weave in my lifetime lol! If anything I feel MORE self-conscious wearing weaves than when I'm wearing my hair natural or relaxed. Over time I get over the feeling of course, but honestly?? I'd rather take my real hair over fake any day of the week. I just like the ease of styling, not worrying about heat damaging my hair when I curl it in the mornings with the curling iron, and I always look "sharp" because the hair isn't mine lol.

Why did you go natural? How is that goal working out for you? Is the tradeoff of achieving that goal worth the slight loss of confidence?

In answer to your questions lol....

1) I went natural 5 years ago because I was sick of chemicals. I loved the way my hair looked when I used the milder, gentler relaxers, but the "regular" strength relaxers just tore my fine-textured hair up! My hair was getting so thin, and lifeless despite implementing good healthy hair techniques and stretching my touchups 3-4 months... Plus, I had had a relaxer since I was 10 years old. I guess I was curious?? I just think it's healthier for me.

2) It started out awesome! But as my hair has gotten longer, it's become more and more challenging. But I don't like short hair on me, so my goal is long hair. I know my hair may never be BSL, but if I could just get it to be APL as a natural I would be so happy. I guess lately I've become fed up with it because it seems no matter what I do it just sheds. Plus, my schedule is VERY jam packed, and I'm finding that it's harder to maintain my natural hair and still look "cute" on an everyday basis. I LOVE my natural hair, I just wish the wash-day routine were easier, and shorter.... I feel like my hair grows, but it doesn't retain half as much as it should. My hair should be past BSL by now... It's only a little past collar-bone length.

I will mention however that I feel my MOST confident/beautiful when my OWN natural hair is straight (whether relaxed or heat-straightened as a natural). It just feels “comfortable”. I’m sure part of that is due to society’s views, but most of it is due simply to the fact that I’ve had straight hair since I was 10 years old. I'm not used to fake hair, and although I'm loving my natural hair journey, I've only been natural for 5 years. Whereas I was relaxed for over 15 years of my life! I was DEFINITELY feeling “hot” and “sexy” when I heat straightened my hair at the salon earlier in Feb. this year. It was swinging and behaving, and looked so silky. I definitely was feeling confident and proud. When I wear weaves I don't feel "proud" because I know it's not my own hair. #shrug I got LOADS of compliments w/my natural hair straightened, but the MOST compliments have been with this weave I’m wearing now in my hair. Probably because it’s so long….and THICK.

One of our sources listed mentioned that it is highly feminine to want to be noticed. I think there is nothing wrong with having to take more effort to keep your hair healthy and relaxed if it means that your natural desire for compliments is satisfied.

Yes, that's true. I appreciate your honesty and that you mentioned this. This is one of the main reasons why I’m pretty open to many different hair styles. I may be natural, but I’ve never been a “Natural Nazi”. What people decide to do w/their hair is their choice and their decision. I just know what is best for me and MY strands, and the choice I have made right now in my life. Plus, I never say never, because who knows?? Maybe in the future I will go back to creamy crack lol, but right now I can’t see myself doing it. I just want to grow the healthiest and longest hair I can possible. I think it looks more feminine in general, and I think it looks best on ME and my facial structure.

Either way, straight or natural, I bet you are a stunner in person

Aww, thank you girl! I do get compliments from people, but I consider myself more "girl-next-door "cute" as oppo0sed to "hot". But maybe my new hair is putting me in the "hot" category, and since I haven't had that attention since I went natural, it feels somewhat foreign to me now.

I'll just add one more tidbit. I'm a straight haired natural. I've been natural most of my life except about 15 years ago when I tried a relaxer and it didn't take. I have gone at most 6 months with it curly but that ruined my hair health and I couldn't manage it the way I manage it straight. Plus... I have more swag when it's straight, when I wear it curly it feels more like a costume.

Nice! How is that working out for you?

Lately I’ve been toying with the idea of being a heat-straightened natural now that circumstances in the area that I live in now have changed, but I have fine-textured and low-density strands. I’m just afraid of heat damage and dry, broken-off hairs. No offense (not saying this is your experience) but a lot of heat trained naturals I see tend to have thick but broken off hairs.


How do you maintain it and make sure that your hair stays in good shape and doesn’t break or get damaged? I don’t mean to turn this thread into a hair discussion lol, but since we’re on the topic of femininity and tips, I’m just curious what you do for your hair. Idk if my hair is strong/thick enough to withstand constant heat on it.

Let me also reiterate something just in case people get the wrong impression… I’m not saying that short hair can’t be feminine. That’s NOT what I’m saying at all. I LOVE Halle Berry’s hair best when it’s cut short (although she looks GREAT either way), and I LOVE Lupita’s short natural buzz cut. It looks cute on HER! These two women embody the epitome of femininity in my book. But on me….short natural hair has never really been all that flattering on me and MY face. It looked "cute" when I first bc'd, but when I look back at old pictures I think I look better now that my hair is longer. I was so glad after I bc’d when my hair started growing out. It took a long time to get out of the awkward (not quite short, not quite long) phase, and now that I’m FINALLY out of that phase I want to move on to the longer phase of my hair life. I just have a problem w/retaining….especially since I moved out of state.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123

Have you ever had your natural hair styled professionally? I know that when I do my own hair, a lot of styles look b/c I'm not that great at it. But I see women who have natural styles that look really great.

So maybe it's that the weave looks more 'done' so to speak than your normal styles?

I don't think you need to relax if you don't want to. I know I won't b/c of my hair health and I don't plan on straightening, so I'll be playing around with this issue myself.

Yes, back when I was in my home state I had tons of friends who were stylists who did great natural styles on me!! I looked awesome. I don't have that anymore sadly now that I've moved. That's part of the problem. I'm not well-educated/talented with doing natural styles. I watch YT videos all the time, but sometimes it's challenging finding the time for all that lol. I wonder if the women on there work full time??

I've also had my natural hair heat straightened at the salon twice w/in 5 years.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I started noticing my "hair journey" when I joined the forum in 2009. Since then the longest my hair has been is MBL. I started at SL. Right now, I'm a full healthy swangin APL or whatever you call that longer than APL but not quite BSL. I usually maintain at BSL.

I would never be able to answer this in a cohesive paragraph but here are my random thoughts and lesson's learned on being a straight haired natural.

- God has blessed me with Thick 3c hair everywhere except my 4Z crown. I have to know what each section of my hair needs.
- To grow my hair a strict regimen of prepoo, poo, moisture or protein DC and rollerset, flat iron my roots. M&S about 2-3 times per week and use claudie's elixir. Also, take my multi-vitamin and drink plenty of water. Doing this.. I went from SL to grazing BSL in 6 months.
- Boredom is cue to go to stylist before I cut it myself or get lazy
- If prefer going to the stylist weekly to being lazy with my regimen. Since I'm natural hair day could take up to 6 hours. sometimes, I try every other week at a stylist and roller-setting at home.
- Blowdrying, or seeing a stylist only will result in 0% retention. I have to limit heat and pamper my hair with conditioner.
- Coconut oil does nothing for my hair or scalp.
- I am whatever porosity it is that can only take in a product when wet. So if I really want to moisturize my hair, it's best to do it when I deep condition and I need to do that every 5-10 days.
- Being natural sucks when it's time to work-out but that's what buns are for
- Being natural sucks in Houston because the humidity will get you everytime.
- Wearing my hair curly for the 6 months was fun at first but I had to cut about 1.5 to inches off AND rest it with a crochet style, a weave and goddess braids for 4 months to get it back in shape.
- I agree with you 100% about weaves I just got out of my 3rd weave ever in life and my first weave I had in for 3 weeks. BUT I do believe in delayed gratification so I'm thinking about keeping it weaved up or braided for the rest of the year while I let it grow without me playing in it and messing it up. I would love to get to WL as an adult.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I started noticing my "hair journey" when I joined the forum in 2009. Since then the longest my hair has been is MBL. I started at SL. Right now, I'm a full healthy swangin APL or whatever you call that longer than APL but not quite BSL. I usually maintain at BSL.

I would never be able to answer this in a cohesive paragraph but here are my random thoughts and lesson's learned on being a straight haired natural.

- God has blessed me with Thick 3c hair everywhere except my 4Z crown. I have to know what each section of my hair needs.
- To grow my hair a strict regimen of prepoo, poo, moisture or protein DC and rollerset, flat iron my roots. M&S about 2-3 times per week and use claudie's elixir. Also, take my multi-vitamin and drink plenty of water. Doing this.. I went from SL to grazing BSL in 6 months.
- Boredom is cue to go to stylist before I cut it myself or get lazy
- If prefer going to the stylist weekly to being lazy with my regimen. Since I'm natural hair day could take up to 6 hours. sometimes, I try every other week at a stylist and roller-setting at home.
- Blowdrying, or seeing a stylist only will result in 0% retention. I have to limit heat and pamper my hair with conditioner.
- Coconut oil does nothing for my hair or scalp.
- I am whatever porosity it is that can only take in a product when wet. So if I really want to moisturize my hair, it's best to do it when I deep condition and I need to do that every 5-10 days.
- Being natural sucks when it's time to work-out but that's what buns are for
- Being natural sucks in Houston because the humidity will get you everytime.
- Wearing my hair curly for the 6 months was fun at first but I had to cut about 1.5 to inches off AND rest it with a crochet style, a weave and goddess braids for 4 months to get it back in shape.
- I agree with you 100% about weaves I just got out of my 3rd weave ever in life and my first weave I had in for 3 weeks. BUT I do believe in delayed gratification so I'm thinking about keeping it weaved up or braided for the rest of the year while I let it grow without me playing in it and messing it up. I would love to get to WL as an adult.

Wow! Thanks for the tips @Kimbosheart

I may do some research and look at some YT tutorials and see if straightening my hair a little more often would be an option. I would love to do rollersets, but I can't find large magnetic rollers anywhere! I can't do the hair clips... NOT with natural hair. I tried once and failed miserably. My rollerset came out a huge PUFF. I NEED snap-on magnetic rollers.

Back in my relaxed days, these have always been my best friend



But it seems like you can't ever find ones this size anywhere!

 

[sweetvi]

So I'm really tapping into my femininity . I'm embracing myself and learning a lot about my past relationships. I always have the tendency to blame the guy for the end of my relationships but I never did an internal reflection. I am learning alit lol

 

[PeaceFlow]

@Crystalicequeen123 I have just gone back to wearing SL kinky/curly hair after years of straight. People are going crazy lol (men and women).

FH doesn't usually say much about weave/wigs, but he loves this style and said it makes my face look even prettier.

Long hair doesn't suit me most of the time (especially straight), so I don't get a surge of attention if I wear it like that. Somewhere between NL - CBL is my sweet spot where I get a lot of compliments. I think it depends on a persons individual features and face shape etc...

It may be a combination of things including that you may look better with long hair and also the slight colour change.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123 I have just gone back to wearing SL kinky/curly hair after years of straight. People are going crazy lol (men and women).

FH doesn't usually say much about weave/wigs, but he loves this style and said it makes my face look even prettier.

Long hair doesn't suit me most of the time (especially straight), so I don't get a surge of attention if I wear it like that. Somewhere between NL - CBL is my sweet spot where I get a lot of compliments. I think it depends on a persons individual features and face shape etc...

It may be a combination of things including that you may look better with long hair and also the slight colour change.

Get it gurl!!!

Yea I think I've figured out that sometimes certain hairstyles just seem to "fit" some people better than others. Just like I think Lupita looks awesome w/a buzz natural cut. But I don't think I would like her hair long or even straight. Idk...Maybe it's just because her short hair is what I'm used to??

I think it says a LOT however when people overwhelmingly praise a new look because maybe that's people's subconscious way of telling you that this "look" goes better with your features than the prior look. Idk... I'm not saying that people haven't gone ga-ga for my natural hair. I get LOTS of compliments on my natural hair as well. But the compliments with my straight long weave are more like "gorgeous", "amazing", "beautiful". They're complimenting my overall LOOK. Whereas before (with natural styles), people were more so complimenting my HAIR, and not my overall "look". Does that make sense?? I even notice that people (strangers) are friendlier, people actually look AT me instead of past me, and I get more men looking at me longer, etc.

I always like to keep people guessing anyway, so I probably will never wear one "style" the same way forever.....but I am toying w/the idea of being a heat-straightened natural....

I think long hair just looks better on me and MY features. Short hair may look "cute" sometimes on me (ie. when I FIRST bc'd), but if it grows an inch I don't look as good. My hair looks BEST long, and out.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Get it gurl!!!

Yea I think I've figured out that sometimes certain hairstyles just seem to "fit" some people better than others. Just like I think Lupita looks awesome w/a buzz natural cut. But I don't think I would like her hair long or even straight. Idk...Maybe it's just because her short hair is what I'm used to??

I think it says a LOT however when people overwhelmingly praise a new look because maybe that's people's subconscious way of telling you that this "look" goes better with your features than the prior look. Idk... I'm not saying that people haven't gone ga-ga for my natural hair. I get LOTS of compliments on my natural hair as well. But the compliments with my straight long weave are more like "gorgeous", "amazing", "beautiful". They're complimenting my overall LOOK. Whereas before (with natural styles), people were more so complimenting my HAIR, and not my overall "look". Does that make sense?? I even notice that people (strangers) are friendlier, people actually look AT me instead of past me, and I get more men looking at me longer, etc.

I always like to keep people guessing anyway, so I probably will never wear one "style" the same way forever.....but I am toying w/the idea of being a heat-straightened natural....

I think long hair just looks better on me and MY features. Short hair may look "cute" sometimes on me (ie. when I FIRST bc'd), but if it grows an inch I don't look as good. My hair looks BEST long, and out.

I remember this guy in my office cut his hair and goatee a certain way and it totally changed up his look. So one of my coworkers and I plotted with the other ladies in the office to overwhelm him with compliments on the new look. He totally did not get the hint. I'm not saying this is the case with the strangers complimenting you. It just made me think of that instance years ago.

I think what's striking about this conversation as it relates to trying to be more feminine overall is it doesn't matter how a thing actually is.. it matters more how it makes you feel as a woman. And if you feel prettier with it long and straight then you need to go with that.

Remember the feminine woman is one who is comfortable in her own skin, and able to not have to "think" about things because she is too busy enjoying them.

Plus as you mentioned, hairstyles can get boring and this is only a reflection of how you feel you look best in this moment. You will continually update your look and grow.

 

[LoveisYou]

I remember this guy in my office cut his hair and goatee a certain way and it totally changed up his look. So one of my coworkers and I plotted with the other ladies in the office to overwhelm him with compliments on the new look. He totally did not get the hint. I'm not saying this is the case with the strangers complimenting you. It just made me think of that instance years ago.

I think what's striking about this conversation as it relates to trying to be more feminine overall is it doesn't matter how a thing actually is.. it matters more how it makes you feel as a woman. And if you feel prettier with it long and straight then you need to go with that.

Remember the feminine woman is one who is comfortable in her own skin, and able to not have to "think" about things because she is too busy enjoying them.

Plus as you mentioned, hairstyles can get boring and this is only a reflection of how you feel you look best in this moment. You will continually update your look and grow.

Agreed!

 

[sweetvi]

Everything you wrote here! !!!

IT MATTERS HOW YOU FEEL AS A WOMAN !!

Not what he or she thinks. If he will like it or people will approve

I remember this guy in my office cut his hair and goatee a certain way and it totally changed up his look. So one of my coworkers and I plotted with the other ladies in the office to overwhelm him with compliments on the new look. He totally did not get the hint. I'm not saying this is the case with the strangers complimenting you. It just made me think of that instance years ago.

I think what's striking about this conversation as it relates to trying to be more feminine overall is it doesn't matter how a thing actually is.. it matters more how it makes you feel as a woman. And if you feel prettier with it long and straight then you need to go with that.

Remember the feminine woman is one who is comfortable in her own skin, and able to not have to "think" about things because she is too busy enjoying them.

Plus as you mentioned, hairstyles can get boring and this is only a reflection of how you feel you look best in this moment. You will continually update your look and grow.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I remember this guy in my office cut his hair and goatee a certain way and it totally changed up his look. So one of my coworkers and I plotted with the other ladies in the office to overwhelm him with compliments on the new look. He totally did not get the hint. I'm not saying this is the case with the strangers complimenting you. It just made me think of that instance years ago.

I think what's striking about this conversation as it relates to trying to be more feminine overall is it doesn't matter how a thing actually is.. it matters more how it makes you feel as a woman. And if you feel prettier with it long and straight then you need to go with that.

Remember the feminine woman is one who is comfortable in her own skin, and able to not have to "think" about things because she is too busy enjoying them.

Plus as you mentioned, hairstyles can get boring and this is only a reflection of how you feel you look best in this moment. You will continually update your look and grow.

I LOVE this comment!! Yes, I think that is ultimately what matters the most in the end.

It's not that I don't "feel" good w/my natural hair, it's just that I like my natural hair styles when they are done professionally or done by someone. Or sometimes I'll have a really cute style that I've done, and it will look "cute" for like....a day. Other times I'll do the same twist, but then the twist-out doesn't look the same way it did the last time I did it. Smh...It's just hard because sometimes you won't know what your hair will even look like from one day to the next, even though you used the same methods as before.

I DO feel more comfortable w/my hair straight/framing my face simply because that's what I've had since I was 10. I feel more confident that way, and it might help retain more length (hopefully ), so I may look into doing rollersets instead and flat-ironing in between. I think I look better when I use curlformers, flat-iron, or rollerset my natural hair instead of twist-outs. I think I've exhausted the twistouts lol.

Interesting conversation w/my mom last night.... I told her how I was feeling some kind of way about the new "attention" I've been getting with this weave hair, and she told me something interesting. She told me basically... "give them what they want until you get a ring...then you can do whatever you want..." Of course, she was talking more about dating/relationships (cuz I told her I was getting more attention from men now....before, I felt like I didn't really exist lol ), but I found her sentiments interesting lol.

She likened it to a job interview, where you basically put on your resume what you think the employer wants, you come to an interview prepared to put your best foot forward, and give them what they want essentially. Then when you get the job things are more on your terms.... I was stubborn and saying that a guy should like me for who I AM (nappy hair and all... lol), but she joked and said that YES, essentially a man SHOULD love you for who you are, but that's AFTER a man has gotten to know you , fall in love with you, and respect you. She was basically saying that men are very VISUAL, and that if he doesn't notice the outer package, then how is he going to get to know me in the first place?? Ugh...

She DID have a point, but I just wanted to know what you ladies thought of this sentiment? Maybe I should have added this to the Relationship Forum in a new thread....but I was just curious as to what you all thought about this. Do most women do this "bait and switch" in order to "catch" a man?? Or do you just say forget it, a man should take me as I am!!

I'm just curious.... Because if I do ANYTHING for my look (whether it is dressing more femininely or straightening my hair) it will be for MYSELF and not any guy....

 

[LoveisYou]

I LOVE this comment!! Yes, I think that is ultimately what matters the most in the end.

It's not that I don't "feel" good w/my natural hair, it's just that I like my natural hair styles when they are done professionally or done by someone. Or sometimes I'll have a really cute style that I've done, and it will look "cute" for like....a day. Other times I'll do the same twist, but then the twist-out doesn't look the same way it did the last time I did it. Smh...It's just hard because sometimes you won't know what your hair will even look like from one day to the next, even though you used the same methods as before.

I DO feel more comfortable w/my hair straight/framing my face simply because that's what I've had since I was 10. I feel more confident that way, and it might help retain more length (hopefully ), so I may look into doing rollersets instead and flat-ironing in between. I think I look better when I use curlformers, flat-iron, or rollerset my natural hair instead of twist-outs. I think I've exhausted the twistouts lol.

Interesting conversation w/my mom last night.... I told her how I was feeling some kind of way about the new "attention" I've been getting with this weave hair, and she told me something interesting. She told me basically... "give them what they want until you get a ring...then you can do whatever you want..." Of course, she was talking more about dating/relationships (cuz I told her I was getting more attention from men now....before, I felt like I didn't really exist lol ), but I found her sentiments interesting lol.

She likened it to a job interview, where you basically put on your resume what you think the employer wants, you come to an interview prepared to put your best foot forward, and give them what they want essentially. Then when you get the job things are more on your terms.... I was stubborn and saying that a guy should like me for who I AM (nappy hair and all... lol), but she joked and said that YES, essentially a man SHOULD love you for who you are, but that's AFTER a man has gotten to know you , fall in love with you, and respect you. She was basically saying that men are very VISUAL, and that if he doesn't notice the outer package, then how is he going to get to know me in the first place?? Ugh...

She DID have a point, but I just wanted to know what you ladies thought of this sentiment? Maybe I should have added this to the Relationship Forum in a new thread....but I was just curious as to what you all thought about this. Do most women do this "bait and switch" in order to "catch" a man?? Or do you just say forget it, a man should take me as I am!!

I'm just curious.... Because if I do ANYTHING for my look (whether it is dressing more femininely or straightening my hair) it will be for MYSELF and not any guy....

Lol, I actually think a lot of women do this.

 

[preciouzone]

@Crystalicequeen123 I don't agree with the bait and switch because it can come off as false advertisement, especially if
you know from the beginning (pre-meditated) that you will be switching. I've heard some men prefer their women with
the straight long hair look and other men that are more versatile and enjoy seeing a woman change up her look and be
comfortable in her own skin. IMO, I believe that you should be upfront and forward and let the guy that you are seriously
dating know the truth about being natural and that you don't always wear your hair straight.

I know this woman that said she went on a first date with her now husband with her natural hair and no makeup so that he can see her for who she was naturally. And then from there she switched between straight and wearing her hair natural and wearing makeup. She wanted him to love her for who she was and not be attached to a facade.

I have to comment on your experience with the compliments that your getting by wearing your hair straight. I got a perm when I was 12 and wore it like that for years... I was always BSL or longer and whenever I wore my hair in a ponytail or straight I got complimented ALL the time. I did a big chop a couple of years ago and honestly... I do not get the same attention that I used to before. But here's the deal. I LOVE being natural and I enjoy my hair more now than I did during my relaxing days. But people loved my hair before. I used to feel uncomfortable/uneasy in the past about how much attention my hair drew... maybe because I wasn't yet comfortable with myself yet. But I remember having thoughts in my mind like... "I'm more than just my hair". When I BC'd that was one of the most liberating moments in my life. It felt like an identity shift and I loved seeing the reactions of people that was mourning the loss of my long relaxed hair more than I was lol. Other than that, I love being natural. Now the comments I get now is, "You're lucky because you have that good hair." Oh well, like India Arie says... I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am the soul that lives within. We need to stop over identifying ourselves with such things and just be!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Lol, I actually think a lot of women do this.

I think so too....

I think a lot of women do the "bait & switch" lol... They pretend to like sports because he does. They dress to the nines on dates in order to "impress". They work out like a gym rat in order to keep in shape for better "prospects" and dating opportunities. etc etc etc...

I mean, we ALL do it I guess at some point or another if it's something (or someone) we really want. I've seen women play this whole "demure" and "coy" act around a guy they really like, and then once they have a ring on it, they become a fiesty little snippy woman w/attitude lol.

I guesss at that point it's already too late because either the guy already loves you unconditionally anyway and you can get away w/anything... Or, it's too late for him to do anything and he's already "hooked" lol.

@Crystalicequeen123 I don't agree with the bait and switch because it can come off as false advertisement, especially if
you know from the beginning (pre-meditated) that you will be switching. I've heard some men prefer their women with
the straight long hair look and other men that are more versatile and enjoy seeing a woman change up her look and be
comfortable in her own skin. IMO, I believe that you should be upfront and forward and let the guy that you are seriously
dating know the truth about being natural and that you don't always wear your hair straight.

I know this woman that said she went on a first date with her now husband with her natural hair and no makeup so that he can see her for who she was naturally. And then from there she switched between straight and wearing her hair natural and wearing makeup. She wanted him to love her for who she was and not be attached to a facade.

I have to comment on your experience with the compliments that your getting by wearing your hair straight. I got a perm when I was 12 and wore it like that for years... I was always BSL or longer and whenever I wore my hair in a ponytail or straight I got complimented ALL the time. I did a big chop a couple of years ago and honestly... I do not get the same attention that I used to before. But here's the deal. I LOVE being natural and I enjoy my hair more now than I did during my relaxing days. But people loved my hair before. I used to feel uncomfortable/uneasy in the past about how much attention my hair drew... maybe because I wasn't yet comfortable with myself yet. But I remember having thoughts in my mind like... "I'm more than just my hair". When I BC'd that was one of the most liberating moments in my life. It felt like an identity shift and I loved seeing the reactions of people that was mourning the loss of my long relaxed hair more than I was lol. Other than that, I love being natural. Now the comments I get now is, "You're lucky because you have that good hair." Oh well, like India Arie says... I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am the soul that lives within. We need to stop over identifying ourselves with such things and just be!

I appreciate your viewpoint. I think that was what I was basically telling my mom over the phone. I don't typically like the "bait & switch" method because I would feel like I would HAVE to be "on" 24/7, and that's just not me.

However, I WILL say...I think "switching it up" every now and then is probably the BEST method. I'm not "high maintenance" and I'm not a "slob" either. I"m more so in between. So, I think if I were to alternate between straight styles and natural styles a guy should be happy.

Besides, I realized that I do lots of things in order to look my best, or look "good" for myself and for men or people in general (I admit). Manicures, pedicures, makeup, dresses, high heels, teeth whiteners, working out and staying in shape, etc. I mean, I do it primarily for MYSELF (of course), but I also do it to look my "best" and attract guys.

I guess what my mom has been saying all these years is that if I'm NOT married, I should try my hardest to attract the MAJORITY of men, or as many men as I CAN in this time of my life. It may not mean that I end up with a husband, but I may be drastically limiting the dating pool of eligible men I could be dating if I'm not throwing out the right "bait". I could be fishing all day and not come up with anything due to hoping a guy will take me no make up, nappy head, sloppy dress, extra lbs and all....

But let's be REAL...Men are highly visual. I guess my mom was stating that if men like the long straight hair, try to grow your hair as long as possible, and straighten it (give them what they want) some of the time in order to attract more "fish".

I will GLADLY school my future bf/hubby that he shouldn't expect me to have straight hair 24/7, because I get in moods where I like coily/natural styles, and moods where I like my straight hair look. So, he shouldn't get too "comfortable" with one look lol.

 

[TracyNicole]

I kind of agree with your mom in that you have to be selling a product that people want to buy. If you factor in the idea that some potential customers will just window shop, you want to be drawing in as many interested consumers as possible. I am totally not saying you should make yourself unhappy or be fake. If you are okay with straight hair and it is a better draw, where straight hair but don't hate straight hair and wear it just for the sake of getting a man. Does this make sense? Right bait but not intentional bait and switch.

And yes, tons of women put in work to attract a mate. That is perfectly sensible. I think it would be delusional to think you can just roll out of bed every day, putting in no effort and find the one. I am not saying it is impossible but it is definitely not likely. I have one particular single girlfriend who just does not believe me on this one. I keep saying it's okay to want a man to want you for you but seriously, men are visual and just like other members of the animal kingdom have their displays which attract mates, so to must we have ours!

 

[LovingLady]

@Crystalicequeen123 Thank you for being so honest and open about your experience. I can see people responding more positively to straight hair even of they like natural hair. I want to become a straighten natural myself but have yet to make the steps to do so. @Kimbosheart thanks for the advice. One of my concerns is the length of my hair. My hair is approaching MBL and I have only straightened it twice. I believe it would be easier to develop a hair straightening routine if my hair was shorter. At this length I have a lot to lose. On a good note, my natural hair routine becomes shorter as the length increases. I would love to find different styles to wear that shows length and don't cause knots.

I get LOTS of compliments on my natural hair as well. But the compliments with my straight long weave are more like "gorgeous", "amazing", "beautiful". They're complimenting my overall LOOK. Whereas before (with natural styles), people were more so complimenting my HAIR, and not my overall "look". Does that make sense?? I even notice that people (strangers) are friendlier, people actually look AT me instead of past me, and I get more men looking at me longer, etc.

It makes a lot of sense. Lupita for example has a hair cut that matches her fashion style but if she were to have long straight hair, the hair and the clothes independent of each other may look good, but together it wouldn't.

Interesting conversation w/my mom last night.... I told her how I was feeling some kind of way about the new "attention" I've been getting with this weave hair, and she told me something interesting. She told me basically... "give them what they want until you get a ring...then you can do whatever you want..." Of course, she was talking more about dating/relationships (cuz I told her I was getting more attention from men now....before, I felt like I didn't really exist lol ), but I found her sentiments interesting lol.

I see where you mom is coming from but I wouldn't call it a bait and switch. I think of it as your best foot forward in a way you are comfortable with. We want men to put their best foot forward so it would make sense to do the same.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I kind of agree with your mom in that you have to be selling a product that people want to buy. If you factor in the idea that some potential customers will just window shop, you want to be drawing in as many interested consumers as possible. I am totally not saying you should make yourself unhappy or be fake.

Lol....yes, I get what you're saying

If you are okay with straight hair and it is a better draw, where straight hair but don't hate straight hair and wear it just for the sake of getting a man. Does this make sense? Right bait but not intentional bait and switch.

Yes, I definitely agree with you.

And yes, tons of women put in work to attract a mate. That is perfectly sensible. I think it would be delusional to think you can just roll out of bed every day, putting in no effort and find the one. I am not saying it is impossible but it is definitely not likely. I have one particular single girlfriend who just does not believe me on this one. I keep saying it's okay to want a man to want you for you but seriously, men are visual and just like other members of the animal kingdom have their displays which attract mates, so to must we have ours!

True...when you put it THAT way, I guess it is kind of unrealistic. I do all these other things to enhance my look, why not go with the look that seems to suit me the best and works better w/my schedule for right now? You make some good points.

@Crystalicequeen123 Thank you for being so honest and open about your experience. I can see people responding more positively to straight hair even of they like natural hair. I want to become a straighten natural myself but have yet to make the steps to do so. @Kimbosheart thanks for the advice. One of my concerns is the length of my hair. My hair is approaching MBL and I have only straightened it twice. I believe it would be easier to develop a hair straightening routine if my hair was shorter. At this length I have a lot to lose. On a good note, my natural hair routine becomes shorter as the length increases. I would love to find different styles to wear that shows length and don't cause knots.

No problem! You know I don't ever mince words on here. I'm pretty open and honest w/my feelings lol.

I mean, I guess where I stand is that I LOVE my natural hair (kinks and all), but I light-weight don't like the: tangles, knots, time & effort it takes just to wash AND style the hair, the "bad hair days", and the lack of retention. I think if I were RETAINING length, and my hair wasn't getting tangled so easily, I could wear my natural hair proudly and not even give a care in the world. I actually LOVE the versatility of natural hair. Straight hair ALL the time is now "boring" to me. I think I look and FEEL my best w/straight hair because that's all I've known for over 15+ years lol, but on a whole when I wear my hair straight for a LONG period of time, I end up getting bored. Going natural made me more desirable of "switching it up" with my hair styles more often I guess.

If I had the time, money, and patience to either pay people to do my natural hair on a REGULAR basis in nice natural styles, OR the talent, time and devotion to learn how to do my own natural hair in newer styles, I think I would feel better. But because I want to retain length, and I honestly don't have the time to spend 3+ hours every wash day on my hair only to have the style last (or look good) only 2 or 3 days (if that) afterwards.... I may have to look into heat straightening.

I would like to get into it...or at the very least try it more than once or twice every 5 years lol. I don't want DAMAGED hair though... I think this is what has made me shy away from straightening in the past. I want my hair to thrive and show length, but at the same time I don't want to end up with damaged, thin, breaking hair.

Is there a protein and moisture regimen that heat trained naturals go through in order to protect their hair from potential heat damage?

I see where you mom is coming from but I wouldn't call it a bait and switch. I think of it as your best foot forward in a way you are comfortable with. We want men to put their best foot forward so it would make sense to do the same.

That IS true... I want a man to look his best. I may not be able to control the thickness of my hair (my hair is just naturally fine-textured and low-density---runs in the family unfortunately), but I hope I can control how long my hair is. I want BSL eventually, but I'd be happy with even just APL one day. I feel like after almost 5 years of being natural, I should be longer than collar bone length by now. It's LENGTH (not even hair texture) that I want. I think with longer hair not only will it suit me better (and look more feminine), but also it will be a litlte easier to do more natural styles.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I found some of these videos.... I thought they were pretty interesting.


I like this girl's viewpoint on feminity vs. sexual... I know not everyone is religious or believes in God on here, but her spirit was very nice and I liked her points. I like the qualites of femininity she starts mentioning around minute 6:00.




This is a guy who has done a video on femininity in answer to a viewer's question, and while he's a dude, he is acutally touching on a lot of the points that we have been making in this thread. It's interesting to get a man's point of view on femininity. I like how he says that if you were born a woman, you instinctively know how to be feminine...you just have to go back to how you were as a little girl, before you took on the masculine traits.





The author of "Powerful and Feminine" posted this video on Personal Presence. I love learning about this stuff! She explains why some women walk into a room and have an air of confidence and "je ne sais quoi", and why some other women...don't....





OMG I LOVED this!!!! We need to remember our roots ladies.




Btw.....has anyone seen this site before? I just stumbled upon it so please don't shoot me lol. I just took one glance at it and it seemed interesting. I haven't read everything she has on her site yet so idk if there's anything offensive on it , but it did look very interesting. http://elegantblackwoman.blogspot.com/

 

[LovingLady]

I mean, I guess where I stand is that I LOVE my natural hair (kinks and all), but I light-weight don't like the: tangles, knots, time & effort it takes just to wash AND style the hair, the "bad hair days", and the lack of retention. I think if I were RETAINING length, and my hair wasn't getting tangled so easily, I could wear my natural hair proudly and not even give a care in the world. I actually LOVE the versatility of natural hair. Straight hair ALL the time is now "boring" to me. I think I look and FEEL my best w/straight hair because that's all I've known for over 15+ years lol, but on a whole when I wear my hair straight for a LONG period of time, I end up getting bored. Going natural made me more desirable of "switching it up" with my hair styles more often I guess.

If I had the time, money, and patience to either pay people to do my natural hair on a REGULAR basis in nice natural styles, OR the talent, time and devotion to learn how to do my own natural hair in newer styles, I think I would feel better. But because I want to retain length, and I honestly don't have the time to spend 3+ hours every wash day on my hair only to have the style last (or look good) only 2 or 3 days (if that) afterwards.... I may have to look into heat straightening.


Is there a protein and moisture regimen that heat trained naturals go through in order to protect their hair from potential heat damage?

1st Bold: I know that some women blow out there hair to help retain length, it is worth a try. I have how versatile natural hair is . . . it is a shame I also can't do those styles. If I could I would straighten my hair 6-12 times a year.

2nd Bold: As soon as I figure one out I will share it with you. As for as I know deep conditioning is king. For heat protection Chi Silk Infusion and TRESemme Thermal Creations Heat Tamer Leave In Spray are the most common ones.

 

[LovingLady]

Is anyone watching "The Astronaut Wives Club" on ABC?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Is anyone watching "The Astronaut Wives Club" on ABC?

Well, right now I don't have cable or Internet lol , but I've heard of the show.

I've never watched it however, what's it about? Is it a good show for women?

 

[TracyNicole]

I have yet to see it but if it's relevant please post so I can add it to my queue.

 

[Kimbosheart]

For the moisture and protein regimen you really have to do whats best for your hair. I was able to alternate weekly moisture prepoo and a light protein prepoo. My hair does not like the CHI flat irons. Those things will tear my hair apart everytime. I can use a marcel iron with no problem though. I did have to learn how to moisturize and seal through out the week. Elasta QP Mango Butter worked best. My hair is very dense but each strand is not that thick--I wouldn't say fine, just average. Natural Oils make my hair look greasy and weighed down. Tonight, I'm experimenting with Flexi - Rods and I'm pretty sure, I'm about to cut about 6 inchs and add some highlights here this weekend. Sometimes you prioritize length, over style, over health. Whatever makes you feel best.

I understand why Hair is such a major part of this. Our hair is our crown, no matter how long or short it is.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Hello Belles.... I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.