Yes, It's Another 'single Black Woman' Thread.....

[jennboo]

I completely agree with all of this!!!! I'm seriously stunned when I hear beautiful, accomplished, successful, spiritual women go on and on about how "we" as black women are at the bottom of the totem pole.

And I'm like, really? You accept that for yourself... shoot, I'm at the bottom of NO totem pole, and I'm a black woman... so you can keep that "we" mess, for real.

The other thing I'm seeing more frequently now that I didn't before is the statement of "I don't see non-black men beating down black women's doors" or "there aren't that many interested non-black men to make this an option for black women." And I'm thinking again, geez women, are you all ALWAYS trying to find the most negative answer to everything?

Even if one man is interested, you have an option. Any man who is interested is an option for a black woman. Black women had a massive national pity party over that OKCupid article and it was really pitiful... seriously, take men of any race out of the picture for the moment... WE need a massive self-esteem injection for real.

Man, this. Co-freaking-sign.

All these threads about totem pole-ness, how we are viewed as the crap of the earth, and how we will never live up to the beauty of white women and others in the eyes of men...like Bunny said y'all can DEF. keep that "we" crap bc it sure doesn't include me, LOL.

 

[jamaraa]

Galadriel I'm neither literal-minded nor am I an absolutist. My point is that the MRS degree and choosing family in lieu of career HAS consequences as well as other choices do. To pretend that those consequences are non existent is irresponsible, IMHO.

One thing I've noted here is the idea that BW are allegedly choosing career over family, children, marriage, etc....but how true is that? In order to get married, you must have offers of marriage, right? Little makes me believe that IF BW were offered these things, they'd turn them down. If this is the case, the issue lies why BM, by and large, are NOT offering these things? If they aren't, where are they to come from?

Perhaps BW need to get out of the mentality that their mate HAS to be a BM, for starters. This article JustKiya posted failed to mention IR as do many articles of this sort. That right there is already narrowing things down drastically. IOW, BW have a better chance of finding a mate IF they stop narowing their options to an extremely limited pool. LOL...who knows, maybe we'll see MORE BW get "MRS degrees" if they start looking further afield.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

Warning!!! Very offensive letter

Wilie Lynch Letter: The Making of a Slave

THE BREAKING PROCESS OF THE AFRICAN WOMAN

Take the female and run a series of tests on her to see if she will submit to your desires willingly. Test her in every way, because she is the most important factor for good economics. If she shows any sign of resistance in submitting completely to your will, do not hesitate to use the bullwhip on her to extract that last bit of [b----] out of her. Take care not to kill her, for in doing so, you spoil good economics. When in complete submission, she will train her offsprings in the early years to submit to labor when they become of age. Understanding is the best thing. Therefore, we shall go deeper into this area of the subject matter concerning what we have produced here in this breaking process of the female ******. We have reversed the relationship; in her natural uncivilized state, she would have a strong dependency on the uncivilized ****** male, and she would have a limited protective tendency toward her independent male offspring and would raise male offsprings to be dependent like her. Nature had provided for this type of balance. We reversed nature by burning and pulling a civilized ****** apart and bullwhipping the other to the point of death, all in her presence. By her being left alone, unprotected, with the MALE IMAGE DESTROYED, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychologically dependent state to a frozen, independent state. In this frozen, psychological state of independence, she will raise her MALE and female offspring in reversed roles. For FEAR of the young male’s life, she will psychologically train him to be MENTALLY WEAK and DEPENDENT, but PHYSICALLY STRONG. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her FEMALE offsprings to be psychologically independent. What have you got? You’ve got the ****** WOMAN OUT FRONT AND THE ****** MAN BEHIND AND SCARED. This is a perfect situation of sound sleep and economics. Before the breaking process, we had to be alertly on guard at all times. Now, we can sleep soundly, for out of frozen fear his woman stands guard for us. He cannot get past her early slave-molding process. He is a good tool, now ready to be tied to the horse at a tender age. By the time a ****** boy reaches the age of sixteen, he is soundly broken in and ready for a long life of sound and efficient work and the reproduction of a unit of good labor force. Continually through the breaking of uncivilized savage ******s, by throwing the ****** female savage into a frozen psychological state of independence, by killing the protective male image, and by creating a submissive dependent mind of the ****** male slave, we have created an orbiting cycle that turns on its own axis forever, unless a phenomenon occurs and re-shifts the position of the male and female slaves. We show what we mean by example. Take the case of the two economic slave units and examine them close.

THE NEGRO MARRIAGE

We breed two ****** males with two ****** females. Then, we take the ****** male away from them and keep them moving and working. Say one ****** female bears a ****** female and the other bears a ****** male; both ****** females—being without influence of the ****** male image, frozen with a independent psychology—will raise their offspring into reverse positions. The one with the female offspring will teach her to be like herself, independent and negotiable (we negotiate with her, through her, by her, negotiates her at will). The one with the ****** male offspring, she being frozen subconscious fear for his life, will raise him to be mentally dependent and weak, but physically strong; in other words, body over mind. Now, in a few years when these two offsprings become fertile for early reproduction, we will mate and breed them and continue the cycle. That is good, sound and long range comprehensive planning.





-just a portion of his letter
_________________________________________________
Funny how this letter was a teaching to slave masters to control the Black slave by starting with the black family
These same principles continue to perpetuate the same shyet we are in today.
Demasculate the Black male, which in turns masculates the black woman.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

Galadriel I'm neither literal-minded nor am I an absolutist. My point is that the MRS degree and choosing family in lieu of career HAS consequences as well as other choices do. To pretend that those consequences are non existent is irresponsible, IMHO.

One thing I've noted here is the idea that BW are allegedly choosing career over family, children, marriage, etc....but how true is that? In order to get married, you must have offers of marriage, right? Little makes me believe that IF BW were offered these things, they'd turn them down. If this is the case, the issue lies why BM, by and large, are NOT offering these things? If they aren't, where are they to come from?

Perhaps BW need to get out of the mentality that their mate HAS to be a BM, for starters. This article JustKiya posted failed to mention IR as do many articles of this sort. That right there is already narrowing things down drastically. IOW, BW have a better chance of finding a mate IF they stop narowing their options to an extremely limited pool. LOL...who knows, maybe we'll see MORE BW get "MRS degrees" if they start looking further afield.

@ bolded, thanks is just NOT enough. As far as promoting IRRs I have mixed feelings. I am open for IR relationships but man it would be nice to have a strong black community and family structure. A Black Power Couple raising productive Black kids is the most beautiful thing in the world and it represents something a lot deeper then we can see or put into words. But at the same time, you cant sit around waiting forever now can you? I love Black love, I love love love to see the Obamas together. idk, I'm on the fence on this one.

 

[Bunny77]

The Willie Lynch letter is a hoax...

 

[LoveisYou]

The effects are still present today, are we still raising our sons and daughters to be like that?

 

[Rastafarai]

Re: Warning!!! Very offensive letter

Wilie Lynch Letter: The Making of a Slave

THE BREAKING PROCESS OF THE AFRICAN WOMAN

Take the female and run a series of tests on her to see if she will submit to your desires willingly. Test her in every way, because she is the most important factor for good economics. If she shows any sign of resistance in submitting completely to your will, do not hesitate to use the bullwhip on her to extract that last bit of [b----] out of her. Take care not to kill her, for in doing so, you spoil good economics. When in complete submission, she will train her offsprings in the early years to submit to labor when they become of age. Understanding is the best thing. Therefore, we shall go deeper into this area of the subject matter concerning what we have produced here in this breaking process of the female ******. We have reversed the relationship; in her natural uncivilized state, she would have a strong dependency on the uncivilized ****** male, and she would have a limited protective tendency toward her independent male offspring and would raise male offsprings to be dependent like her. Nature had provided for this type of balance. We reversed nature by burning and pulling a civilized ****** apart and bullwhipping the other to the point of death, all in her presence. By her being left alone, unprotected, with the MALE IMAGE DESTROYED, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychologically dependent state to a frozen, independent state. In this frozen, psychological state of independence, she will raise her MALE and female offspring in reversed roles. For FEAR of the young male’s life, she will psychologically train him to be MENTALLY WEAK and DEPENDENT, but PHYSICALLY STRONG. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her FEMALE offsprings to be psychologically independent. What have you got? You’ve got the ****** WOMAN OUT FRONT AND THE ****** MAN BEHIND AND SCARED. This is a perfect situation of sound sleep and economics. Before the breaking process, we had to be alertly on guard at all times. Now, we can sleep soundly, for out of frozen fear his woman stands guard for us. He cannot get past her early slave-molding process. He is a good tool, now ready to be tied to the horse at a tender age. By the time a ****** boy reaches the age of sixteen, he is soundly broken in and ready for a long life of sound and efficient work and the reproduction of a unit of good labor force. Continually through the breaking of uncivilized savage ******s, by throwing the ****** female savage into a frozen psychological state of independence, by killing the protective male image, and by creating a submissive dependent mind of the ****** male slave, we have created an orbiting cycle that turns on its own axis forever, unless a phenomenon occurs and re-shifts the position of the male and female slaves. We show what we mean by example. Take the case of the two economic slave units and examine them close.

THE NEGRO MARRIAGE

We breed two ****** males with two ****** females. Then, we take the ****** male away from them and keep them moving and working. Say one ****** female bears a ****** female and the other bears a ****** male; both ****** females—being without influence of the ****** male image, frozen with a independent psychology—will raise their offspring into reverse positions. The one with the female offspring will teach her to be like herself, independent and negotiable (we negotiate with her, through her, by her, negotiates her at will). The one with the ****** male offspring, she being frozen subconscious fear for his life, will raise him to be mentally dependent and weak, but physically strong; in other words, body over mind. Now, in a few years when these two offsprings become fertile for early reproduction, we will mate and breed them and continue the cycle. That is good, sound and long range comprehensive planning.





-just a portion of his letter
_________________________________________________
Funny how this letter was a teaching to slave masters to control the Black slave by starting with the black family
These same principles continue to perpetuate the same shyet we are in today.
Demasculate the Black male, which in turns masculates the black woman.

Do you really believe this mess?

For real ?

The Willie Lynch letter was and remains a hoax...IMHO.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

Geez, never knew that!!! Thank you!

 

[Bunny77]

Galadriel I'm neither literal-minded nor am I an absolutist. My point is that the MRS degree and choosing family in lieu of career HAS consequences as well as other choices do. To pretend that those consequences are non existent is irresponsible, IMHO.

One thing I've noted here is the idea that BW are allegedly choosing career over family, children, marriage, etc....but how true is that? In order to get married, you must have offers of marriage, right? Little makes me believe that IF BW were offered these things, they'd turn them down. If this is the case, the issue lies why BM, by and large, are NOT offering these things? If they aren't, where are they to come from?

Perhaps BW need to get out of the mentality that their mate HAS to be a BM, for starters. This article JustKiya posted failed to mention IR as do many articles of this sort. That right there is already narrowing things down drastically. IOW, BW have a better chance of finding a mate IF they stop narowing their options to an extremely limited pool. LOL...who knows, maybe we'll see MORE BW get "MRS degrees" if they start looking further afield.

Regarding the second paragraph... this is a tricky one... while I haven't had offers of marriage from BM in the past, I know for sure that I probably would have gotten a few if I hadn't dumped said BM when I did.

Now, I made the right decision in letting those particular men go, so there are no regrets on my part about that. But, there are times in which I know that I subconsciously closed myself off to relationships (in my head) during graduate school and early in my career because I didn't want to possibly get tied down with a man and some possible babies if I wanted to move to this city, that state, etc. In theory, I was open to being in a relationship, and I think back to a really cool brotha that took me out and that I really didn't give much of a chance to back when I was about 25... that might have been a marriage-minded dude right there... but I didn't feel "chemistry" and I was focusing on moving anyway, so it's like I didn't want to give him a chance.

Let's say I did end up with ole boy though. He eventually moved to Atlanta (from Florida) and we'd probably be living with our family there and he'd be doing well in his career and I'd probably have found something there too. Now who knows... maybe I would have gotten the career of a lifetime in Atlanta, and not Michigan... but what if I didn't? Would I regret having short-circuited my dream career to be with him?

So... here I am with the dream career (and I'm about tired of it now ), but I have no regrets and when I leave it, I'll leave it knowing that I did what I wanted. BUT, I figured out quick though that I better get more serious about finding a partner, because I probably passed up a few good potentials when I was not thinking about it. And that's okay... but if I did want a particular type of guy as a husband, then I didn't need to keep waiting much longer still passing up dudes while focusing on school/career.

I see both of your points.

 

[Zaynab]

But I thought that this blog presented some things that we actually *gasp* haven't touched on. I bolded some stuff that was real interesting.


The Real Reasons 70% of Black Women Are Single: It's Not What They're Telling You!

By J.J. Smith

Am I crazy because the bolded points I thought we've discussed before? BUt when we get in a really good dialogue folks start saying we're laying blame or not offering solutions.

I agree with this entire article, especially the exposure and socialization aspect. I notice single BW that only think "black" meaning they only socialize or interact in groups that are all black. I invited a girl to an event with me and the first thing she asked me was "was it a white thing" I was like hell when I ask my white friends to go somewhere they don't ask me "is it a black thing". I am in black orgs but I'm in just as many white ones, I don't box myself in.

ANd yall know my thoughtgs on how BW are perceived by some BM, there is sometimes some work on the inside we need to take care of first.

 

[Rastafarai]

Perhaps BW need to get out of the mentality that their mate HAS to be a BM, for starters. This article JustKiya posted failed to mention IR as do many articles of this sort. That right there is already narrowing things down drastically. IOW, BW have a better chance of finding a mate IF they stop narowing their options to an extremely limited pool. LOL...who knows, maybe we'll see MORE BW get "MRS degrees" if they start looking further afield.

Funny thing is I'm seeing a different reality where I live. The shortage of black men isn't as dire as these "experts" make it out to be. I guess it either comes down to location or perception but there are many good black men to go around. In my neck of the woods you have African Americans/Africans/Afro-Caribbeans to choose from. No criminal record. Educated. Handsome. No baggage.

I see more black women dating interacially but I also see black coupling and meet black men who prefer black women. Yes, prefer.

Fact of the matter is we are still desirable by black men and there remain many good black men to go around.

 

[Rastafarai]

@ bolded, thanks is just NOT enough. As far as promoting IRRs I have mixed feelings. I am open for IR relationships but man it would be nice to have a strong black community and family structure. A Black Power Couple raising productive Black kids is the most beautiful thing in the world and it represents something a lot deeper then we can see or put into words. But at the same time, you cant sit around waiting forever now can you? I love Black love, I love love love to see the Obamas together. idk, I'm on the fence on this one.

You know I'm wondering if we can create a thread on LHCF entitled the "LHCF Black Love Connection" or something. Where members can share the eligible black male friends/family members/colleagues in their lives that are seeking black women.

I already have three black men in mind. Two are bankers, another a mechanical engineer. All single with no kids. All prefer black women. I'm even willing to share their stats and photos.

I'm just tired of reading about this shortage of good black men when I know they exist in my life. I'm willing to introduce them and maybe even start a love connection with the wonderful ladies of LHCF!

I'm dead serious, too.

 

[Zaynab]

Point 4 in particular is good. The BEST marital advice I ever received came from my dad. He said "give the man some PEACE. Don't be all over him like a cheap suit. When he comes home don't be all over him like 'blah, blah, blah....' Men don't wanna hear all that. Let him take his coat off and relax first."

He said black women in particular will argue you DOWN, and that it's okay to "stand down" sometimes, and "let him be the man". It never occured to me that this could be seen as "masculine behavior", but when I thought about it - it does have a ring of truth. This could possibly be why we aren't seen as "gentle, delicate, and feminine" like women of other races. We can't just let stuff go. We HAVE to have the last word - at all cost. Comedians even joke about it.

But his advice works well for me in life in general - not just in my marriage. I just try really hard not to "go there" with people, and be ig'nant. I'll shoot you a "have a nice day" QUICK - and keep it movin'.

If my husband does something I don't agree with (and it's mostly about the kids) I'll approach the subject gently and later on that night (not at the moment it's happening), and 99% of the time he says "okay I understand what you're saying." The gentle approach really IS better. White women have know this forever, though....

I learned that early too Sometimes I have a mouthful to say to dh when he gets home but I'm like dang who wants to be attacked when they get home. I now know to wait and talk to him when I've thought about it and chances are, it wasn't that important anyway

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I blame Destiny's Child and anyone else that had the "Independent Women" theme in their head. That song "Independent Women" has so many women screaming "I'm Independent, I don't need a man." Well, I'm not Independent. I can take care of myself but I like depending on my husband to provide.

All the lyrics in the song go totally against what I think is a positive relationship. What do you need a man for if you are holding it all down and screaming that to the world. I bought my own pricey watch and diamonds earrings years ago but what woman REALLY wants to buy their OWN diamonds? DH takes pride in buying me jewelry and his dad taught him that the diamonds should get bigger over the years.


LYRICS:

Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave

Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships

The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me
(I depend on me)

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that

Tell me how you feel about this
Who would I want if I would wanna live
I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get
Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent
Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin' on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on noone else to give you what you want

The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me
(I depend on me)

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me ..............

 

[jamaraa]

@ bolded, thanks is just NOT enough. As far as promoting IRRs I have mixed feelings. I am open for IR relationships but man it would be nice to have a strong black community and family structure. A Black Power Couple raising productive Black kids is the most beautiful thing in the world and it represents something a lot deeper then we can see or put into words. But at the same time, you cant sit around waiting forever now can you? I love Black love, I love love love to see the Obamas together. idk, I'm on the fence on this one.

I certainly understand where you're coming from. I don't promote" IRs for many reasons, tho I do suggest IRs in convos like this one cuz many haven't even considered it.

I think many folks want to see positive images of Black couples in a trad family situation, but that requires people willing to make those commitments. I have no clue where the breakdown is, but clearly more and more are opting to forgo this.

Certainly some BM are marriage-LTR minded and seek BW as their partners....that's always been and will always be, but these days, supply-demand is not in BW favor. This is purely a supply side benefit..in changing this dynamic, I have no answers.

 

[Zaynab]

I completely agree with all of this!!!! I'm seriously stunned when I hear beautiful, accomplished, successful, spiritual women go on and on about how "we" as black women are at the bottom of the totem pole.

And I'm like, really? You accept that for yourself... shoot, I'm at the bottom of NO totem pole, and I'm a black woman... so you can keep that "we" mess, for real.

The other thing I'm seeing more frequently now that I didn't before is the statement of "I don't see non-black men beating down black women's doors" or "there aren't that many interested non-black men to make this an option for black women." And I'm thinking again, geez women, are you all ALWAYS trying to find the most negative answer to everything?

Even if one man is interested, you have an option. Any man who is interested is an option for a black woman. Black women had a massive national pity party over that OKCupid article and it was really pitiful... seriously, take men of any race out of the picture for the moment... WE need a massive self-esteem injection for real.

ITA. I think it's a major self esteem check that's needed for some women. I'm married but I know that might not last yet I don't worry about marrying again-cause I know my worth and I know I can find another man,black or non-black if I chose. I swear, some women need a dose of over self confidence, some of that "fake it till you make it" stuff

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

You know I'm wondering if we can create a thread on LHCF entitled the "LHCF Black Love Connection" or something. Where members can share the eligible black male friends/family members/colleagues in their lives that are seeking black women.

I already have three black men in mind. Two are bankers, another a mechanical engineer. All single with no kids. All prefer black women. I'm even willing to share their stats and photos.

I'm just tired of reading about this shortage of good black men when I know they exist in my life. I'm willing to introduce them and maybe even start a love connection with the wonderful ladies of LHCF!

I'm dead serious, too.

honey I know some accountants, lots of police officers, LOTS of ministers and pastors, educators and etc. I wouldnt mind posting pics and stats (after I get the ok from them ofcourse) but that would be so much fun. I'm in a area where white women are uplifted and seriously more sought after then black women, all my female cousins out here are single, all my male cousins are sell outs in a relationship . Something wrong with that picture huh? But anywayz, I would love to hook up some chicas in Detroit and California. I know some in other areas as well.

 

[Rastafarai]

honey I know some accountants, lots of police officers, LOTS of ministers and pastors, educators and etc. I wouldnt mind posting pics and stats (after I get the ok from them ofcourse) but that would be so much fun. I'm in a area where white women are uplifted and seriously sougt after then black women, all my female cousins out here ae single, all my male cousins are sell outs in a relationship . Something wrong with that picture huh? But anywayz, I would love to hook up some chicas in Detroit and California. I know some in other areas as well.

My eligible bachelors are in the NYC/NJ area. I'll get there OK to post photos and stats.

 

[Bunny77]

honey I know some accountants, lots of police officers, LOTS of ministers and pastors, educators and etc. I wouldnt mind posting pics and stats (after I get the ok from them ofcourse) but that would be so much fun. I'm in a area where white women are uplifted and seriously more sought after then black women, all my female cousins out here are single, all my male cousins are sell outs in a relationship . Something wrong with that picture huh? But anywayz, I would love to hook up some chicas in Detroit and California. I know some in other areas as well.

Where u at in the D?

I've always felt that black women get lots of love in Detroit... moreso than in many major cities.

 

[jamaraa]

Funny thing is I'm seeing a different reality where I live. The shortage of black men isn't as dire as these "experts" make it out to be. I guess it either comes down to location or perception but there are many good black men to go around. In my neck of the woods you have African Americans/Africans/Afro-Caribbeans to choose from. No criminal record. Educated. Handsome. No baggage.

I see more black women dating interacially but I also see black coupling and meet black men who prefer black women. Yes, prefer.

Fact of the matter is we are still desirable by black men and there remain many good black men to go around.

In my area, I see this as well. Black couples are THE NORM, so I DO think much of this is about location. I don't know the stats for my area, but there doesn't seem to be a huge disparity between BW and BM in terms of population....maybe that's the key here.

Maybe this is why I'm so shocked to see all this "po me" stuff from so many BW...in my area, BW have no problem (seeminly) finding BM or non BM. Most singles are single by choice or single just like other singles.

Maybe this is a net thing?

 

[kbragg]

Point 4 in particular is good. The BEST marital advice I ever received came from my dad. He said "give the man some PEACE. Don't be all over him like a cheap suit. When he comes home don't be all over him like 'blah, blah, blah....' Men don't wanna hear all that. Let him take his coat off and relax first."

He said black women in particular will argue you DOWN, and that it's okay to "stand down" sometimes, and "let him be the man". It never occured to me that this could be seen as "masculine behavior", but when I thought about it - it does have a ring of truth. This could possibly be why we aren't seen as "gentle, delicate, and feminine" like women of other races. We can't just let stuff go. We HAVE to have the last word - at all cost. Comedians even joke about it.

But his advice works well for me in life in general - not just in my marriage. I just try really hard not to "go there" with people, and be ig'nant. I'll shoot you a "have a nice day" QUICK - and keep it movin'.

If my husband does something I don't agree with (and it's mostly about the kids) I'll approach the subject gently and later on that night (not at the moment it's happening), and 99% of the time he says "okay I understand what you're saying." The gentle approach really IS better. White women have know this forever, though....

Yeah that's me and it takes all the powe of the Holy Ghost to control that I tell ya! Me having the last word in an argument is kinda like

 

[Galadriel]

Galadriel I'm neither literal-minded nor am I an absolutist. My point is that the MRS degree and choosing family in lieu of career HAS consequences as well as other choices do. To pretend that those consequences are non existent is irresponsible, IMHO.

Sure it has consequences, just like choosing career in lieu of marriage and children has consequences. If a woman wants *both*, I think she can have them.

One thing I've noted here is the idea that BW are allegedly choosing career over family, children, marriage, etc....but how true is that? In order to get married, you must have offers of marriage, right? Little makes me believe that IF BW were offered these things, they'd turn them down. If this is the case, the issue lies why BM, by and large, are NOT offering these things? If they aren't, where are they to come from?

I think there are several factors contributing to one's singlehood. I also think there's a difference between dating and courtship, and maybe singles (who are seriously seeking marriage) need to do more courting.

Perhaps BW need to get out of the mentality that their mate HAS to be a BM, for starters. This article JustKiya posted failed to mention IR as do many articles of this sort. That right there is already narrowing things down drastically. IOW, BW have a better chance of finding a mate IF they stop narowing their options to an extremely limited pool. LOL...who knows, maybe we'll see MORE BW get "MRS degrees" if they start looking further afield.

Good point.

 

[LivingDol1]

hmm.. that list is interesting... and informative if you really just want to be Sally Homemaker... who smiles and nods while she listens to her husband talk about his day while she takes off his shoes...

I have a mom who is a great role model. And my dad is a great male role model because he was smart enough to snatch up my mom! She had her masters degree long before she met my dad (at age 27 and married by 29) and a career. This was in the 70s. My grandmother was also a working mom... who was married for over 50 years! They didn't have to choose between "find a husband" or "have a career". Maybe working women are of a lesser minority than I thought... but I prefer my bubble.

This list is sort of insulting!

I hate the generalizations. I don't fit into any of them... except for maybe not adjusting to the new modern dating age... but nobody else I know(black, white or whatever) would dare buy a man a drink. And quite frankly, I don't know many black people who fit into the "angry black person" stereotype or "b**** with an attitude" in my life.

I don't regret my choices and I don't think it should be on Black women only to adjust to these situations. Boyfriends have come and gone... My job may not keep me warm at night for the rest of my days but I can't be sure that a man will either.

 

[Southern Belle]

Yeah that's me and it takes all the powe of the Holy Ghost to control that I tell ya! Me having the last word in an argument is kinda like

This made me laugh SOOO hard! I understand though, cause I used to be like that too.

 

[jamaraa]

Sure it has consequences, just like choosing career in lieu of marriage and children has consequences. If a woman wants *both*, I think she can have them.

Where did I say she COULDN'T sweets? I'll repeat this one more time....telling a woman that she should seek marriage IN LIEU of education isn't a winning proposition. Women can and should seek to find a balance that fits them.

There are NO guarantees in life for anything you do, people should understand that and make informed decisions hoping for the best.

I think there are several factors contributing to one's singlehood. I also think there's a difference between dating and courtship, and maybe singles (who are seriously seeking marriage) need to do more courting.

Ya don't say? :scartchchin:

Good point.

Thanks

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

Where u at in the D?

I've always felt that black women get lots of love in Detroit... moreso than in many major cities.

Hey girl sorry about the delay, I got ta flappin my gums on the phone. I'm in a smaller town outside of Detroit right now taking care of business but when I'm at home i get some love. Now ask me if they are quality or quantity

 

[JustKiya]

With all the information out on regarding "what men/women want", why is it so hard for us to relate to one another?

Because we treat each other as a 'man' or as a 'woman' and not as an individual with either a penis or a vagina.

JK this is a very profound statement, becuase I think it belies the notion that we should approach dating with a male/female guidebook in mind. Mind expounding?

To me, a lot of the male/female guidebooks stuff can become 'baggage' in it's own manner. You get so bound up it what 'should be' or what 'the book said' you can't clearly relate to what 'is'.

I think that the guidebook stuff is useful - very useful - to winnow through the masses - I'm talking really superficially. But when it comes to actually knowing each other and what you need - you've got to go to the source.

Does that make sense?

You know I'm wondering if we can create a thread on LHCF entitled the "LHCF Black Love Connection" or something. Where members can share the eligible black male friends/family members/colleagues in their lives that are seeking black women.

I already have three black men in mind. Two are bankers, another a mechanical engineer. All single with no kids. All prefer black women. I'm even willing to share their stats and photos.

I'm just tired of reading about this shortage of good black men when I know they exist in my life. I'm willing to introduce them and maybe even start a love connection with the wonderful ladies of LHCF!

I'm dead serious, too.

That would be so hot. Please do it. I don't have anyone who needs matching up at the moment - but that's freaking brilliant!

In my area, I see this as well. Black couples are THE NORM, so I DO think much of this is about location. I don't know the stats for my area, but there doesn't seem to be a huge disparity between BW and BM in terms of population....maybe that's the key here.

Maybe this is why I'm so shocked to see all this "po me" stuff from so many BW...in my area, BW have no problem (seeminly) finding BM or non BM. Most singles are single by choice or single just like other singles.

Maybe this is a net thing?

It could be. The net is it's own sort of metafilter.

 

[princessnad]

Problem: Black men are not raised to be responsible. Not for their finances, not for their penis, not for their family.

It is a cultural problem and it starts at home.

"Be a good girl but boys will be boys"

 

[Zaynab]

With all the information out regarding "what men/women want", why is it so hard for us to relate to one another?

Because we treat each other as a 'man' or as a 'woman' and not as an individual with either a penis or a vagina.

I do'nt think women take the time to befriend men. I think you should date with a mission in mind if marriage is what you want but what about going into a date with no expectation and just trying to socialize and get to a know a man?

I knew and still do know lots of men and what WE think men want vs what they REALLY want are polar opposites. I think it would behoove single women to befriend some men and really just get to know them. You will find they are very simple in fact, and it's not as serious as we make it out to be. I don't think it's luck or chance in meeting dateable men but if you dont' even befriend men initially you fail to find out how to date a man when you find one. I don't know if that makes sense. We over-analyze and over think.

Thinking about the chick on the ABC video, she was talking about talking to a white dude at bar and he didn't ask for her number. So what? What was wrong with just talking to him using him as a flirting/socializing with a man experience and KIM. I just think we're way too literal and overanalytical at times. What men do, is how they feel.

 

[LivingDol1]

Problem: Black men are not raised to be responsible. Not for their finances, not for their penis, not for their family.

It is a cultural problem and it starts at home.

"Be a good girl but boys will be boys"

so true!!! my brother is 26 and still living at home. at least he's working. but seriously, i don't know what the hell happened. I think we were raised the same way... but turned out to be complete opposites... except for the work ethic thing.

he's a total slut, smokes pot, has been arrested, and has baby mama drama(in fact he's even said that he's sick of black women and that's probably b/c the only ones he dated really were bat sh*t crazy. the non-black ones are very civilized, educated, career oriented....).

i'm always single but i'm on track.

my brother has the pick of most girls... shockingly.

it's really annoying.