Yes, It's Another 'single Black Woman' Thread.....

[JustKiya]

Fabulous thread, ladies!!!

This is all very true. I never see BM worrying about these things online or in real life.

This all leads me back to the issue of socialization and cultural isolation. Given that BM and BW both labor under terrible stereotypes (BM arguably worse), the difference in the level of confidence is quite astounding. Of course, male privilege pays a HUGE role here, but I'm starting to wornder if some BW are being socialized to specifically "keep the home fires buring" and internalizing it while BM and others simply reject any such training they may get?!

There seems to be a passive-aggressive anger from BW on the matter....they feel left out so they sit out in protest? Instead of questioning the socalization, they masochistically hold on to it even when/or especially when they see BM reject it? I'm far less into "the media" as the main issue and more in what's going on in the BC at large. Are BW supposed to be the "keepers of the flame" even at the cost of their well-being and personal happiness? There seems a BROAD streak of this mentality out there......what else can really get at this NEED to see yourself as "undesirable"?

I think that women, period, are socialized to 'keep the home fires burning'. And black women are socialized to carry the weight of the community, even more so. I use this word over and over, but the difference in the black community is that there is no expectation of reciprocity from the men in the community to shoulder their part of the burden, as well. And when women try to 'check' men, or try to 'force' their part of their burden back on to them, it's being 'b**chy* or 'emasculating'. Meh.

That would require men checking and providing consequences when other men act up. When does that happen?

I'll wait...

It doesn't. Men don't call each other out on their failings - in fact, it seems that men seem to excuse each other for their failings.

 

[JustKiya]

Actually the benefits of marriage to men in general (as opposed to women) are great...perhaps more for BM than men of other races even.....however, BM don't seem to feel they have an INCENTIVE to marry.

Black men don't get married because there's not a real benefit to them. I mean if they can have kids, a woman to play wife, a hot meal, a bed to sleep in, booty at will, and the freedom to come and go as he pleases why the heck would he lock himself down with just one woman?

Okay - I wanted to address these two in a separate post, because I'm going to be pulling information from "The Benefits of Marriage for AA Men" and I suspect it's gonna get long. Also, I figured out why the Institute for American Values raised my hackles - they are one of the main groups opposing gay marriage. Still, they seem to have some really good information around hetero-marriage, and that's the topic we're on, so I'll let em slide......

The main thing I want to focus on is - why don't more black men know this, and why aren't more black women aware of this, and why isn't the media on top of THIS information, eh?

Married African American men are more likely to be employed than never-married or divorced men, and they work longer hours and earn higher wages than unmarried men with similar characteristics. These facts have been confirmed in the vast majority of economic studies exploring why individuals with similar and distinct characteristics have different earnings. Studies focusing on black men estimate that married men work two-and a-half weeks more each year on average and earn wages between 14 percent and 18 percent higher than never-married black men, while controlling for other differences between individuals.

Married African American men have higher household incomes than never-married African American men, hold higher levels of assets, and are less likely to live in poverty. Households headed by a married black couple earned almost two-thirds more than the average black household, and black men are 30 percent less likely to live in poverty once they marry.

Married black men are more likely to report excellent or good physical health, as opposed to fair or poor health. They are less likely to experience physical distress such as headaches, back pain, stomach or bladder problems, and limited upper or lower body mobility, and are less likely to suffer from chronic diseases such as arthritis, hypertension, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. As a result of their improved health overall, married black men are less likely to report being disabled or having limitations in physical and social functioning, work activity, or activities of daily living such as household chores, bathing, and dressing.

Studies also indicate that marriage seems to be beneficial for emotional health. Married black men have lower suicide rates than never-married and divorced men in each age category, and married men are less likely to report that it is acceptable for a person to take his own life when confronting serious problems.[15] Among black men, being married contributed significantly to self-reported personal happiness, and among married black men, marital satisfaction was the most important factor contributing to happiness.

So - there appear to be HUGE benefits to black men getting married - HUGE.

Is the freedom to dip peen in multiple & varied honeypots really a higher priority than the stuff above?

Is the fear of having to give up half really a higher priority than having double what you would have had, anyway?

Really? Why? Is this a 'man thing' that I just can't understand?

 

[Serenity_Peace]

It doesn't. Men don't call each other out on their failings - in fact, it seems that men seem to excuse each other for their failings.

The fact that R Kelly is now introducing his "memoirs" says a lot about our culture. I wonder how many pats on the back Tiger is receiving right now. Oh, I forgot...he's *not* black.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

So - there appear to be HUGE benefits to black men getting married - HUGE.

Is the freedom to dip peen in multiple & varied honeypots really a higher priority than the stuff above?

Is the fear of having to give up half really a higher priority than having double what you would have had, anyway?

Really? Why? Is this a 'man thing' that I just can't understand?

I will never understand it, either. If men in general benefit from marriage, then why aren't many of them running down the aisle? It has been shown that married men are happier (contrary to the many jokes put forth that they aren't); married men live longer; earn more; are more likely to be financially stable. And I know that there are women out there who would put their men on pedastals or gladly submit if that man is worthy and faithful. It is women--not men--who tend to give up a lot in relationships and much of themselves, especially if they have children. That 'fear' of giving up half is a cop out. These men are just too selfish and too immature to commit. They use that "half" crap as an excuse. And they make it seem as though they'll be treated as a slave if they married. It's a cop out, punk out, and just plain trifling.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Here is the thing, it doesn't matter what the books say is the value of marriage for black men if black men aren't reading the books.

If you as a dude can get sex and offspring EASILY within your community without having to have a job let alone get married, why would you? What's the incentive without quoting the books?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Again, this really gets on WOMEN for solutions, not men. I don't know how I feel about this anymore. I mean, if the tables were turned, would women REALLY be beating down the solution door either? IDK.

I said this to my SO over Christmas as he came to visit my family (mom,dad). We were having a conversation about societal pressures on women. I don't know how it started, but it was just one of those things that randomly came up. And it wasn't a heated convo, just a funny jokingly serious one. And I said to him, it's everywhere including magazines: how to get a man, once you have a man how to keep a man, how to get him to propose, how to take the reins and propose to him, how aggression is sexy to a man, how being passive is sexy to a man because you should let him take control!, how to keep the home fires burning, cook for your man, How to being independent is sexy, how to wow him in the bedroom, how to keep his eyes on you, how to rekindle the fires, how to be sexy, how to be desirable, how to cater to his "vulnerable" ego, and on and on.

He then said, well there are how to get girl guides. And I was like sure, you're right. There's guys like Mystery training guys on How to bag a girl, how to get her interested. There's nothing about how to keep her happy once you get her. Or articles that make men feel insecure about their abilities to keep women happy, or keep her from leaving.

I remember at that moment he looked shocked and was like "That's true.". I went on to say that we have magazines for married women that talk about how to continue keeping men happy. How about them...what's the male equivalent? Do guys even care how to keep a woman happy? THey sure don't write articles trying to figure it out.

It's because they assume THEY are enough. And that women should like them for them.

I think there are inherent things that should be done, on both parts (for women and men). I hold men to certain standards, and I also hold myself. But I don't assume that I should run around trying to do everything or be everything for them because that's just insane.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Okay - I wanted to address these two in a separate post, because I'm going to be pulling information from "The Benefits of Marriage for AA Men" and I suspect it's gonna get long. Also, I figured out why the Institute for American Values raised my hackles - they are one of the main groups opposing gay marriage. Still, they seem to have some really good information around hetero-marriage, and that's the topic we're on, so I'll let em slide......

The main thing I want to focus on is - why don't more black men know this, and why aren't more black women aware of this, and why isn't the media on top of THIS information, eh?









So - there appear to be HUGE benefits to black men getting married - HUGE.

Is the freedom to dip peen in multiple & varied honeypots really a higher priority than the stuff above?

Is the fear of having to give up half really a higher priority than having double what you would have had, anyway?

Really? Why? Is this a 'man thing' that I just can't understand?

I don't know if it is or if standards just have to be raised. I think the figures would be higher (for marriage) if we as women had higher standards in what we expect for our men, and cut them loose to find the right one if they are not willing to commit. If a guy is saying things like "marriage is just a piece of paper" or "marriage makes him nervous"...uhm...don't date him, or stop.

The funny thing is that men do everything for women. THey make money to get women interested, they buy shiny cars, etc. If they knew they had a woman with standards they're likely to man up. But they now know that women will accept anything from them. For example one night stands where you have to leave early because you don't want to pressure him. I actually read that in a magazine and a friend also told me she prescribes to that advice.What kind of b.s is that? That's backward thinking and I've heard it from several friends. I could go on and on about other b.s things women do to make sure not to "offend" their man, but are selling themselves short in my opinion. My abstinence has scared many of my friends who are women who would say they don't know how I "keep" men because shouldn't they be running for the hills? And I'm not talking about half abstinence where you do other stuff. I'm talking abstinence until marriage. I've definitely had men say they'd never take that from a women, and I'd say okay well then we're not meant to be. Don't you know that tune would change sooo fast because they knew I wouldn't back down. I am by no means suggesting that for every woman. What I'm saying is that my core beliefs cannot be tossed to the side by a man, and I make it clear to them. Whatever a woman's core beliefs, they should stay the same (whether it's waiting until you get to know him for sex, only dating guys that are interested in commitment, or whatever). I am also not advocating that women act like "jerks" and continue that thinking it's okay to do that to men because they are just being themselves. The whole telling them off in public, or acting a fool thing is just wrong for anyone. I think we should be kind and considerate but expect the same from them too.

Any guy that I date knows that I am not playing around. This part I'm mentioning because of the subject of men not wanting to marry. That has not been my experience:I have had proposals but have turned them down as I realized that I did not want to marry those men. Of those proposals one was black (as I've dated other races), and another that I broke up with was "going" to propose as I heard him whining about on the phone. He then told me he was going to propose and why would I do this to us. He was already ring shopping. I only mention this because he was also black. So I don't think that black men just don't want to propose. But they won't do it if we do not have high standards for ourselves. He still calls on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and occasionally begs me back. We just weren't right for each other in my opinion. The other proposals were not of my race, though.

Any guy that wants to play around, let him go play and find a real man who is willing to make a commitment. I think these signs are there in the very beginning.

I already know my SO is ring shopping. He asked my dad my ring size, and my dad was supposed to keep that to himself but he can't keep his mouth closed bless his heart. They also went to several places for rings over Christmas together while I was out shopping with my mom (he flew down over Christmas Holidays to spend time with me and my mom and dad). He also asked me if we were to get married would I want a destination wedding or what? (cough Hawaii!) I didn't bring it up at all. He's actually a keeper. Unless things change, this time the proposal will probably end differently than with the others.


I mention him also because he's also black. SO I don't think it's impossible to inspire marriage.I just think that we must hold ourselves to standards where we think we are worthy of marriage, and worthy of men who are interested in commitments. If they don't man up, we can find someone who is already ready and willing to leave the play ground and commit.

 

[CenteredGirl]

can you expand more on this please

If there is a larger pool of men (across racial boundaries) to have a relationship with, one who assume that this would increase the likelyhood of marriage for sistas.

With a wider range of marital options, statistics indicate that we are mostly single. To me, that's perpeplexing because the blame cannot be solely on the shoulders of the lack of black men. Or does this mean that we would rather marry within our own race. I dunno.

 

[CenteredGirl]

But black women are the least likely (of women) to be married interracially. I think only 4% of black women are married IR.

While the idea is gaining more acceptance among black women, I believe that by and large, most black women DO only want to date black men.

The statistic cited bears out my argument. It does not say how many black women have DATED IR. I think that stat is VERY high, just based on the community I live it. What's NOT happening is a marriage proposal, hence a low IR marriage statistic.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

The statistic cited bears out my argument. It does not say how many black women have DATED IR. I think that stat is VERY high, just based on the community I live it. What's NOT happening is a marriage proposal, hence a low IR marriage statistic.

Where do you live? My experience is the exact opposite - that many Black women REFUSE to date IR. By and large, it seems we are stuck on marrying a Black man and won't entertain dating other races.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I don't know if it is or if standards just have to be raised. I think the figures would be higher (for marriage) if we as women had higher standards in what we expect for our men, and cut them loose to find the right one if they are not willing to commit. If a guy is saying things like "marriage is just a piece of paper" or "marriage makes him nervous"...uhm...don't date him, or stop.

The funny thing is that men do everything for women. THey make money to get women interested, they buy shiny cars, etc. If they knew they had a woman with standards they're likely to man up. But they now know that women will accept anything from them. For example one night stands where you have to leave early because you don't want to pressure him. I actually read that in a magazine and a friend also told me she prescribes to that advice.What kind of b.s is that? That's backward thinking and I've heard it from several friends. I could go on and on about other b.s things women do to make sure not to "offend" their man, but are selling themselves short in my opinion. My abstinence has scared many of my friends who are women who would say they don't know how I "keep" men because shouldn't they be running for the hills? And I'm not talking about half abstinence where you do other stuff. I'm talking abstinence until marriage. I've definitely had men say they'd never take that from a women, and I'd say okay well then we're not meant to be. Don't you know that tune would change sooo fast because they knew I wouldn't back down. I am by no means suggesting that for every woman. What I'm saying is that my core beliefs cannot be tossed to the side by a man, and I make it clear to them. Whatever a woman's core beliefs, they should stay the same (whether it's waiting until you get to know him for sex, only dating guys that are interested in commitment, or whatever). I am also not advocating that women act like "jerks" and continue that thinking it's okay to do that to men because they are just being themselves. The whole telling them off in public, or acting a fool thing is just wrong for anyone. I think we should be kind and considerate but expect the same from them too.

Any guy that I date knows that I am not playing around. This part I'm mentioning because of the subject of men not wanting to marry. That has not been my experience:I have had proposals but have turned them down as I realized that I did not want to marry those men. Of those proposals one was black (as I've dated other races), and another that I broke up with was "going" to propose as I heard him whining about on the phone. He then told me he was going to propose and why would I do this to us. He was already ring shopping. I only mention this because he was also black. So I don't think that black men just don't want to propose. But they won't do it if we do not have high standards for ourselves. He still calls on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and occasionally begs me back. We just weren't right for each other in my opinion. The other proposals were not of my race, though.

Any guy that wants to play around, let him go play and find a real man who is willing to make a commitment. I think these signs are there in the very beginning.

I already know my SO is ring shopping. He asked my dad my ring size, and my dad was supposed to keep that to himself but he can't keep his mouth closed bless his heart. They also went to several places for rings over Christmas together while I was out shopping with my mom (he flew down over Christmas Holidays to spend time with me and my mom and dad). He also asked me if we were to get married would I want a destination wedding or what? (cough Hawaii!) I didn't bring it up at all. He's actually a keeper. Unless things change, this time the proposal will probably end differently than with the others.


I mention him also because he's also black. SO I don't think it's impossible to inspire marriage.I just think that we must hold ourselves to standards where we think we are worthy of marriage, and worthy of men who are interested in commitments. If they don't man up, we can find someone who is already ready and willing to leave the play ground and commit.

Good points.
To the bold - that is why I said earlier in this thread the single stat is multifaceted and the reasons for why X portion of the BC is unmarried vs Y portion may be interconnected, but they aren't necessarily exactly the same. Yes options is a problem, but part of it is that BM have no incentive (and sadly a growing percentage of men in general).
I say this all the time, but truly and honestly when have men been of the mind to limit their options without incentive? When in history? When have they been known to just love the idea of marriage cuz' it's just all romantic and sweet and cuddly?
They do it because they know they only get XYZ under certain terms.

If a lot of Black women are willing to be patient through the "marriage is just paper" talk than precisely why are these men going to rush to the alter. Heck, I wouldn't if I were them

Why do I brush my teeth in the morning? Because I don't want funky yellow gums and I know ppl would stop speaking to me.
The same principle applies to marriage, if BP esp. BM see no incentive behind marriage why are they going to do it?
Men have shown themselves as you outlined to do almost ANYTHING that puts them in a better position to attract and maintain relationships with women so if BM thought that marriage was a prerequisite to a series of perks than watch they would have to adjust, but noooooo doods can get credit, babies, buy property together, etc. without ever needing to be married so *Jamaican accent*fii wah de need dat?

 

[UmSumayyah]

Here is the thing, it doesn't matter what the books say is the value of marriage for black men if black men aren't reading the books.

If you as a dude can get sex and offspring EASILY within your community without having to have a job let alone get married, why would you? What's the incentive without quoting the books?

Don't forget getting also, a place to live, maid/cook and gifts/spending money.

 

[CenteredGirl]

Where do you live? My experience is the exact opposite - that many Black women REFUSE to date IR. By and large, it seems we are stuck on marrying a Black man and won't entertain dating other races.

I live in Oregon. I'm shocked by what I see in such an unlikely place to see IR. But I see it everywhere. Sistas with Mexican, White even Asian dudes.

 

[LoveisYou]

Good points.
To the bold - that is why I said earlier in this thread the single stat is multifaceted and the reasons for why X portion of the BC is unmarried vs Y portion may be interconnected, but they aren't necessarily exactly the same. Yes options is a problem, but part of it is that BM have no incentive (and sadly a growing percentage of men in general).
I say this all the time, but truly and honestly when have men been of the mind to limit their options without incentive? When in history? When have they been known to just love the idea of marriage cuz' it's just all romantic and sweet and cuddly?
They do it because they know they only get XYZ under certain terms.

If a lot of Black women are willing to be patient through the "marriage is just paper" talk than precisely why are these men going to rush to the alter. Heck, I wouldn't if I were them

Why do I brush my teeth in the morning? Because I don't want funky yellow gums and I know ppl would stop speaking to me.
The same principle applies to marriage, if BP esp. BM see no incentive behind marriage why are they going to do it?
Men have shown themselves as you outlined to do almost ANYTHING that puts them in a better position to attract and maintain relationships with women so if BM thought that marriage was a prerequisite to a series of perks than watch they would have to adjust, but noooooo doods can get credit, babies, buy property together, etc. without ever needing to be married so *Jamaican accent*fii wah de need dat?

:scratchch A lot of the wp girls I went to high school did the same and still got rings, some from black men

 

[s_terry]

Agree wholeheartedly on the bolded.

My brother is a great example of this. I look at his Facebook page and he'll have photos of one party where everyone is black and he's having the time of his life. Then the next day, he'll go to a party and be the only black person there and still have the time of his life.

Where did he meet all these white people? (Who invite him to their weddings across the country, etc.) In college, he was a member of the student section for the basketball team and just got to know the other people (mostly white) in his section. These are the same dudes that invited him to their weddings years after college... and my brother will go too!

I have no idea how deep these friendships are, but all that matters is that they cared about the basketball team and that was enough. Some of them invited him on road trips to St. Louis or Indiana when the basketball team was in the Final Four.

Your second paragraph is telling so much truth I can't' say much more. I ain't NEVA heard a black man wonder if that white girl really likes him or if he should holla at the cute Filipina chick because she might not like black men. Please. They think EVERYBODY wants them. Now I know that women in general are more hung up on these issues, so it's not just a black woman issue, but the supposed "challenges" that BW talk about all the time or want to "address" when it comes to IR dating are simply non-existent when BM want to engage in IR dating.

Let's remember that BM historically have always been sexualized. Not so of BW. The Mandingo, well hung, brother. This may play a part into why they have more confidence in the probability of IR. There is more at play than a women's lack of confidence in the psyches of some BW.

 

[s_terry]

I hear ya, but Blacks are always TOLD how "different" they are given their history in the US, but that doesn't deal w/ the realities of today. I sometimes think we overestimate how much history plays in the minds of non Blacks....Americans aren't known for being history buffs, ya know! Most of the negative stereotypes of Blacks are based in the present and immediate past, not in the antebellum period.


Native American Indians arguably have far more reason for complaint than almost everybody, yet Blacks are still the ones constantly saying this. A study of the overall historcial racial situation in the US, actually shows a more complex picture of how non Blacks and ethnic minorities got on and (in some cases) moved more to mainstream acceptance.

I wonder what "validation" many folks are seeking? I've never quite understood that part of it. I expect NOBODY to validate me or my culture, I do that for myself. If I waited on others, I'd be waiting until the moon turned blue.

Everything you said should actually be more applicable to BM given how BM are constantly villified in the media as criminals/problem people, yet this doesn't seem to be the case. In short, your argument would be more applicable to BM, yet it's BW who use this old standby.

At the bolded...clearly you aren't Muslim.

And while most stereotypes can be attributed to both BM/BW, I don't fathom that we women will see or change people's minds about what they choose to believe. Not until we see a change in behavior from BM can we expect people's assumptions regarding us as a people to change. Native Americans can't really be used as an example here in that they tend to still live in reservation enclaves. They are also stereotyped as being alcoholics and uneducated. If you look at any other culture of people, the men and how they value, protect and gather resources for their families, is the bar by which the culture is graded.


I believe as a woman their a certain characteristics a lady must display and possess. I don't believe that the large part of the problem we are having is due to what BW are NOT doing. We can't do it alone, and lord we are long hair, big T and round bootying ourselves to death in the hopes of attracting the right mate. We need the men to head the charge in establishing at least in public (behind every strong man...) our place in the world among other men.

If you ask me, the problem has once again been solely placed on the BW shoulders, and then we are asked why we have such "masculine" traits. You put a momma bear in a position to come out fighting for her cubs then she is going to do just that. I would even venture to say it's a position we have been forced into as a means of survival.

 

[s_terry]

If anything, the "mainstream culture "is far more inclusive of BW...positively or negatively...than other women of color who are not Black or White. I'm not sure where this idea of "undesirablilty" comes from that's specific to BW. If anything, BW are overrepresented in the media vs our actual numbers in society. BW certainly seem to get more positive press than BM, so why is it that BW seem to have the lower self-esteem among the two groups?

Asian women are usually stereotyped as being the ones seeking approval and BW the ones as being confident, but I'm starting to wonder if that's reverse of reality?! erplexed Asian women hardly ever see themselves represented AT ALL and when they do, it's usually very stereotypical. Many resent the stereotypes, yet few seem to internalize those negative stereotypes of AW as applying to themselves.

And we aren't? Let's count how many overweight, she-na-na fingering popping representatives in main stream media that aren't somehow catering to Ms. Ann (Paging Oprah) we have out there. How many graceful, lady, beautiful, like representatives do we have out there that's not popping the coochie. Come again?

 

[s_terry]

I've already addressed "the media", ad nausem. Honestly, I think people put far too much stock in it as an explanation of social ills in general. At the end of the day, people have interactions w/ people in real life. I would think real life, more than some portrayals on TV and in the print media, really have more to do w/ how people see each other than not.

After all, when someone wants to talk about their NEGATIVE experiences, they always pull out a "real life example", right?

Besides, folks sometimes act like "the media" is simply beyond their control. People can turn it off and/or choose what it is they watch/intake. People have choices in these matters. They aren't being indoctrinated without their consent.

To another posters point, this would be true if whites were compelled to actually have and build relationships with Blacks. They aren't, and it tends to happen most often once they allow enough interaction to note the similarities. There a little head stuck in the sand going on here on this one I think. I am very much from a mixed environment, have been my whole life. I alone with all my poise and grace cannot undue to teachings and preference of exclusivity of whites REGARDLESS of what they see and experience in my everyday interactions. Heck, I've seen many a Harvard and Stanford grad assume they know me based upon what they have seen on TV. The experience and conversation is at times surreal. There are those that see and still prefer to think otherwise.

 

[s_terry]

Sorry, but who's denying that? Certainly not I. Plain and simply, these histrocial facts are unalterable. Individuals HAVE to make decisions based on their PRESENT lives. The past is just that.

Our ancestors were DENIED agency and the ability to make choices regarding their own well-being...we are not. That is my focus.

This I do agree.

 

[s_terry]

Rewinding for a sec to the mention of how men make friendships. The nature of male relationships are vastly different and arguably less complicated than women.

Women more often look to social circles that they can relate to in multiple ways and are familiar. Men will compartmentalize and have friends for different purposes (sports friends, business friends, etc.). It's not unusual for men to talk/think disparagingly of a "friends" race, ethnicity, profession, etc. because really of those 50 friends only 4 might be real friends.
I've observed many professional Black men chumming it up only to talk later about "white folk ways" and clearly show that they seem themselves as separate.

BM also receive more validation from the mainstream for physical/athletic and entertainment value that might bleed into imbuing them the confidence to explore unfamiliar social settings.

Also, I think some ppl might be overestimating the degree to which BM socialize across racial barriers. It could be said that some of the achievement disparity between BM and BW has to do with just how poorly many BM are accepted or fear they'll be unaccepted and therefore never attempt to cross into certain professional/academic settings.

Agreed.......

 

[s_terry]

Excellent conversations. You ladies are bbbaaadddddd ;-)

 

[CenteredGirl]

Where do you live? My experience is the exact opposite - that many Black women REFUSE to date IR. By and large, it seems we are stuck on marrying a Black man and won't entertain dating other races.

I live in Oregon. Hey, case in point is this board. How many siggies are on here showcasing non-black men as hotties? Also, many threads have been started on dating YT boys or other raced men. I'm not making this up!!! It's FOR REAL.

Look, somethings just not happening. Either we have mad crushes that aren't reciprocated or we are dating others and it isn't ending up in marriage. Either way, the pool of men available to us has broadened "either in our minds" or in reality. The two combined is a significant change from back in the day when black women restricted their affections to black men. I'm 50 and I have seen and look around all the time. Times are a changing ladies.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I live in Oregon. Hey, case in point is this board. How many siggies are on here showcasing non-black men as hotties? Also, many threads have been started on dating YT boys or other raced men. I'm not making this up!!! It's FOR REAL.

Look, somethings just not happening. Either we have mad crushes that aren't reciprocated or we are dating others and it isn't ending up in marriage. Either way, the pool of men available to us has broadened "either in our minds" or in reality. The two combined is a significant change from back in the day when black women restricted their affections to black men. I'm 50 and I have seen and look around all the time. Times are a changing ladies.

There may be more showcasing non-Black men as hotties comparative to the past, but I think by and large, Black women are not dating out. There have been plenty of threads confirming that around here and elsewhere across the blogosphere about the desire for a Black husband ONLY.