Thread for the heartbroken

[Holla]

He’s marrying her on Sunday. Her being the woman he chose to be with over me. We were never in an official “relationship” but have been dealing with each other for 5 years. I know, it’s my dumbness for even having contact with him so long. He didn’t see my worth and I should have let him go a long time ago. But my dumb feelings kept me there. Told him today how much he hurt me and that this was the last time we’d ever speak. I know with my brain that I deserve better and that maybe a good guy who wants me only will come along. I just wish my heart would believe it.

I feel like someone has died. I’m literally grieving. I keep having to go to the bathroom at work and cry. I don’t know how I’m gonna get thru the day Sunday.

Jenaee -- Think of it this way: She's getting a man who doesn't know how to commit to one woman. Her life with him will be far from perfect. Those are the guys who go into marriage and five years later, their wives discover that he cheated on them. Why? He wasn't committed before the marriage and a ring won't change that. So yes, you are better off without him.

 

[Jenaee]

Jenaee -- Think of it this way: She's getting a man who doesn't know how to commit to one woman. Her life with him will be far from perfect. Those are the guys who go into marriage and five years later, their wives discover that he cheated on them. Why? He wasn't committed before the marriage and a ring won't change that. So yes, you are better off without him.

You're right...I'm gonna get through this. Can't lie...it hurts. But I deserve better.

 

[Smiley79]

Still feeling heart broken.

 

[MzLady78]

Smiley79

 

[UniquelyDivine]

I haven't posted in here for a while but i wanted to share my thoughts

Today is a weird day for me....It would've been my one year wedding anniversary, this same time last year I was sad, depressed and angry. I woke up this morning and said a prayer thanking God for delivering me from that situation. Who knows what I would've been dealing with had I still been with him, divorce is a whole other ball game. I still feel some kinda way but the happiness and relief I feel outweighs any of my negative feelings, IT DOES GET BETTER ladies.....My life has changed for the better since he's been gone, it's like being sick for years and then waking up one day feeling like your old self again . Life is sweeter.

 

[Arian]

He’s marrying her on Sunday. Her being the woman he chose to be with over me. We were never in an official “relationship” but have been dealing with each other for 5 years. I know, it’s my dumbness for even having contact with him so long. He didn’t see my worth and I should have let him go a long time ago. But my dumb feelings kept me there. Told him today how much he hurt me and that this was the last time we’d ever speak. I know with my brain that I deserve better and that maybe a good guy who wants me only will come along. I just wish my heart would believe it.

I feel like someone has died. I’m literally grieving. I keep having to go to the bathroom at work and cry. I don’t know how I’m gonna get thru the day Sunday.

I am going through something very similar. My ex, who I had been with for 5 years, is marrying the woman he cheated on me with in about 20 days. It is disheartening and I know it affects me more than I want to say because I have attitudes with people about other stuff. I feel like I wasn't enough for him, and this other woman isn't even....on my level. Yes, I may not have it ALL together, but I still think I am better than her. I deserve to think that, right?

 

[UniquelyDivine]

I am going through something very similar. My ex, who I had been with for 5 years, is marrying the woman he cheated on me with in about 20 days. It is disheartening and I know it affects me more than I want to say because I have attitudes with people about other stuff. I feel like I wasn't enough for him, and this other woman isn't even....on my level. Yes, I may not have it ALL together, but I still think I am better than her. I deserve to think that, right?

Arian

I know how your feeling and YES it's perfectly ok to think and feel this way, what you NEED to remember is that you are and were good enough. A man who is a cheater is a liar, deceiver and an manipulator so it is him that is flawed and not enough. You can't weigh your worth against hers because she allowed him to use her and yes she may have gotten the "prize" but in the end it's tainted. You are free to move on to someone who will see your worth and will treat you the way your meant to be treated.

 

[Jenaee]

I am going through something very similar. My ex, who I had been with for 5 years, is marrying the woman he cheated on me with in about 20 days. It is disheartening and I know it affects me more than I want to say because I have attitudes with people about other stuff. I feel like I wasn't enough for him, and this other woman isn't even....on my level. Yes, I may not have it ALL together, but I still think I am better than her. I deserve to think that, right?

Yes...please believe that you are better. You are better without him. We both are. We're gonna get through this.

Sn: The wife and I have mutual friends on fb. I saw pics of the wedding. She looked beautiful and they looked happy...sigh

 

[karebear0610]

I know the feeling. Its been 2 years since my SO and I ended things. Afterwards I went on a tirade dating men knowing they weren't the ones for me. Those quick relationships also ended in heart break and I became bitter. I was a walking time bomb. If you looked at me a certain or said something I didn't like I just snapped. I snapped at everyone, my family and friends. I've come to realize that I need to stop hoping for things to happen and need to go out and make them happen.

Women wait around and fantizies of a "Happy Ending" when that doesn't exits. I made the mistake of investing my time and effort into relationships without telling the men what I was looking for. I want a relationship with a man who will make the commitment of marriage and raise a family. Because they had no idea what I wanted they did whatever they wanted to me and I said nothing and tolerated being treated as a second class citizen.

I was one of those women who was happy dating a man with no insight if a relationship was going to develop. I waited until they told me whether or not they wanted to make it official. I hate to admit but I waited 6 years dealing with this one guy to see if he wanted more out of just dating. The reality was he didn't and it hurt me to my core. When that happened I had a completely different reaction and relaized that I am better than that and shouldn't accept anything less. Instead of fighting, persuading him to change his mind and give me a chance, I grabbed my purse and left. No goodbye, no hug, no last comment. I left and never turned back, never called him or emailed him. I did cry when I reached the elevator, but it wasn't tears for feeling sorry for myself. I cried cause I wasted so much time on that loser. 6 years! During those 6 years I watched my friends date, get engaged, married and have kids. Meanwhile I was waiting for a man to give me a chance. Walking away was the first time I felt BRAVE in my life.

This post came at a perfect time for me. Even though I'm still looking for the one I'm still hopefully. I find myslef crying when I see people getting married, engaged and having children while I'm still stuck waiting for my "Future Husband" to come along. I'll be check this post back frequently for motivation and tips.

 

[Arian]

@Arian

I know how your feeling and YES it's perfectly ok to think and feel this way, what you NEED to remember is that you are and were good enough. A man who is a cheater is a liar, deceiver and an manipulator so it is him that is flawed and not enough. You can't weigh your worth against hers because she allowed him to use her and yes she may have gotten the "prize" but in the end it's tainted. You are free to move on to someone who will see your worth and will treat you the way your meant to be treated.

UniquelyDivine, thanks for this! I haven't been in this thread since I wrote that little snippet. I am dealing with it a little better. A slow day-by-day process...

 

[Arian]

@Jenaee, yes, we will, hun! I am hopeful for us both.

 

[prettybyrd]

I know the feeling. Its been 2 years since my SO and I ended things. Afterwards I went on a tirade dating men knowing they weren't the ones for me. Those quick relationships also ended in heart break and I became bitter. I was a walking time bomb. If you looked at me a certain or said something I didn't like I just snapped. I snapped at everyone, my family and friends. I've come to realize that I need to stop hoping for things to happen and need to go out and make them happen.

Women wait around and fantizies of a "Happy Ending" when that doesn't exits. I made the mistake of investing my time and effort into relationships without telling the men what I was looking for. I want a relationship with a man who will make the commitment of marriage and raise a family. Because they had no idea what I wanted they did whatever they wanted to me and I said nothing and tolerated being treated as a second class citizen.

I was one of those women who was happy dating a man with no insight if a relationship was going to develop. I waited until they told me whether or not they wanted to make it official. I hate to admit but I waited 6 years dealing with this one guy to see if he wanted more out of just dating. The reality was he didn't and it hurt me to my core. When that happened I had a completely different reaction and relaized that I am better than that and shouldn't accept anything less. Instead of fighting, persuading him to change his mind and give me a chance, I grabbed my purse and left. No goodbye, no hug, no last comment. I left and never turned back, never called him or emailed him. I did cry when I reached the elevator, but it wasn't tears for feeling sorry for myself. I cried cause I wasted so much time on that loser. 6 years! During those 6 years I watched my friends date, get engaged, married and have kids. Meanwhile I was waiting for a man to give me a chance. Walking away was the first time I felt BRAVE in my life.

This post came at a perfect time for me. Even though I'm still looking for the one I'm still hopefully. I find myslef crying when I see people getting married, engaged and having children while I'm still stuck waiting for my "Future Husband" to come along. I'll be check this post back frequently for motivation and tips.

I could've written this myself.

You were also very brave for sharing this. Thanks!

 

[Fine 4s]

I know the feeling. Its been 2 years since my SO and I ended things. Afterwards I went on a tirade dating men knowing they weren't the ones for me. Those quick relationships also ended in heart break and I became bitter. I was a walking time bomb. If you looked at me a certain or said something I didn't like I just snapped. I snapped at everyone, my family and friends. I've come to realize that I need to stop hoping for things to happen and need to go out and make them happen.

Women wait around and fantizies of a "Happy Ending" when that doesn't exits. I made the mistake of investing my time and effort into relationships without telling the men what I was looking for. I want a relationship with a man who will make the commitment of marriage and raise a family. Because they had no idea what I wanted they did whatever they wanted to me and I said nothing and tolerated being treated as a second class citizen.

I was one of those women who was happy dating a man with no insight if a relationship was going to develop. I waited until they told me whether or not they wanted to make it official. I hate to admit but I waited 6 years dealing with this one guy to see if he wanted more out of just dating. The reality was he didn't and it hurt me to my core. When that happened I had a completely different reaction and relaized that I am better than that and shouldn't accept anything less. Instead of fighting, persuading him to change his mind and give me a chance, I grabbed my purse and left. No goodbye, no hug, no last comment. I left and never turned back, never called him or emailed him. I did cry when I reached the elevator, but it wasn't tears for feeling sorry for myself. I cried cause I wasted so much time on that loser. 6 years! During those 6 years I watched my friends date, get engaged, married and have kids. Meanwhile I was waiting for a man to give me a chance. Walking away was the first time I felt BRAVE in my life.

This post came at a perfect time for me. Even though I'm still looking for the one I'm still hopefully. I find myslef crying when I see people getting married, engaged and having children while I'm still stuck waiting for my "Future Husband" to come along. I'll be check this post back frequently for motivation and tips.

I def. feel brave for walking away as well. For me, not knowing what I wanted is what caused me to waste time with past folks so I can't blame them. I stayed in relationships KNOWING I didn't want to marry that person but it was convenient and safe and the xes was good.

Now, I know what I want and can't settle for anything less. It.Is.Not.Easy. I literally take it one day at a time and on a difficult day, moment by moment.

Every day becomes a lil' just a liiiiiiiiiiiil' easier.

 

[Xavier]

I've been the strong one in this break up. Which is weird!

I saw my ex out at a bar last weekend. We didn't say anything to each other. I woke up to texts from him saying "Bri I need to see you." *eye roll* I texted back later in the day and told him I didn't know why he needed to see me but nothing good could come of it. He said he just wanted to say hi and hopes we'll run into each other again. I told him that I meant it when I said I never wanted to talk to him again. *silence* Hopefully he get's the picture now.

Briabiggles

Do you have a new SO?

I hope you don't mind me asking. I am just curious because I know you were good about practicing "no contact" and I am wondering if this helped you move on and meet your current SO.

I've been lurking but want to know if those who have done no contact, were able to move on quicker and find someone new.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

@Briabiggles

Do you have a new SO?

I hope you don't mind me asking. I am just curious because I know you were good about practicing "no contact" and I am wondering if this helped you move on and meet your current SO.

I've been lurking but want to know if those who have done no contact, were able to move on quicker and find someone new.

No contact helps me not be tempted to fall for "I'm sorries" and go back. It also means I can take my time and heal without worries about who moves on first.

But it doesn't quicken the process for me.

 

[Briabiggles]

Xavier

Yup! I have a new guy.

I haven't spoken to my ex since 2 weeks after we broke up. He tried to contact me and I put him in is place....haven't heard from him since. I ran into him a couple times over the summer and acted like he wasn't even there.

It made it easier on me to forget him. We had nothing to talk through. I did not want any kind of reconciliation.

I actually don't speak to any of my exes anymore. Even if we ended on good terms, I decided it's disrespectful to my current SO to continue to communicate with them. :yup:


ETA: I met my current SO on OkCupid about 6 weeks after the old guy.

 

[Xavier]

Thanks for that! I am happy for you. Going through something right now and your success story cheered me right up.

 

[Briabiggles]

Thanks for that! I am happy for you. Going through something right now and your success story cheered me right up.

Stay strong! Better things are coming your way!

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[RUBY]

I'm tired, wondering how long I'll feel this way.
All the while knowing that he is somewhere enjoying life with his ex.

 

[desertfloweriam]

He broke up with me yesterday. I still love and want to work it out. My heart hearts because I'm so used to talking to him. We were planning my birthday weekend and a cruise in January. Imagine my hurt when he called to say he canceled the cruise. I tried not to call but the urge took over and I called and text. He hasnt answered either. Because we're in separate cities, it might be easier to get over him but I can't help thinking about all the plans that we made. We were going to get married and I move to his city. I stopped my job search for him. A part of me feels like he was my escape from the life I have now. I know I tend to rush into relationships and get heavily invested. We always argued but I still love him. I know I need to focus more on getting myself right but I find always looking at the phone. I grew paranoid at work always looking at my phone hoping he would send a text. Worst thing is its my birthday in a week and a half and I was supposed to be going to see him. Paid for hotel and travel. Now I have to cancel so I can get a refund but a part of me doesn't. Now I don't know what I will do. I also have to cancel my vacation week I set aside for January. This hurt so much.

 

[Smiley79]

I am so sorry this happened desertfloweriam. I too was blind sided by a break up earlier this year and although I'm a little better, it still does hurt. I send you hugs and we are all here to support you through this timme. The good news is that it will eventually pass and get better over time. Hugsssssss

 

[desertfloweriam]

I am so sorry this happened desertfloweriam. I too was blind sided by a break up earlier this year and although I'm better, it still does hurt. I send you hugs and we are all here to support you through this timme. The goo news is that it will eventually pass and get better over time. Hugsssssss

Thank you. Its so hard when I find myself thinking about him all the time.

 

[RUBY]

I feel for you desertfloweriam. Maybe him not replying is a good thing as at least he isn't leading you on with a false feeling of hope that you guys will get back together. Now if I had a magic solution to the looking at your phone and hoping he'll ring/text I would give it to you. It's no fun have that feeling and believe me I know.

 

[blah54]

Thank you. Its so hard when I find myself thinking about him all the time.

I always believe that when you are constantly thinking of someone they must be thinking of you too. I mean you ever notice that you would get the text or phone call by the special someone that you were thinking about. Maybe you should make that move and see him and get the closure you will need to know if its worth fighting for or to move on.

 

[desertfloweriam]

I always believe that when you are constantly thinking of someone they must be thinking of you too. I mean you ever notice that you would get the text or phone call by the special someone that you were thinking about. Maybe you should make that move and see him and get the closure you will need to know if its worth fighting for or to move on.

That happened to us a lot. I'm still debating on whether I should take that birthday trip down there.

 

[desertfloweriam]

I called again and text. He called me back. I told him that I still loved him and that I was going to let him decide on whether he wanted to get back together. He said he had been of me too but still thought we should take a break. I'm going to wait and let him decide.

 

[Smiley79]

 

[MzLady78]

it's been 7 months and I still miss him very much. I was told just a few minutes ago that he has moved on and is happily dating someone else now. I didn't ask for the information so it really caught me off guard. I haven't been the same these past months and I'm hearing it from everyone; I just wish all the pain and and disappointment from the break up would just disappear. I was blind sided and didnt see it coming and I'm still very sad every single day, I literally mean every single day. Few days go by that I don't cry not simply over the relationship ending, but just an overall sadness and feeling of disappointment overall in my life. The breakup negatively affected so many other aspects of my own life (friends, finances, stress/emotions, religion, my DD missing him, and so forth) so it really had a domino effect on my life overall and now I'm just tired. I'm tired of smiling and trying to fake it till I make it back to the old me.

I know things will get better but I just wish it would speed up. My heart hurts so much right now.

Smiley79 :hardslap: for the person who felt the need to share that unsolicited information and you.

 

[Eiano]

Smiley79 :hardslap: for the person who felt the need to share that unsolicited information and you.

I hate that. Then you have to say "Oh wow, that's great"
All the while it's killing you.

Smiley79, I know how you feel. It does take time. It will get better. Sometimes it just helps to talk to a girlfriend and have a good cry over some Ice Cream. *hugs* your way. I also pray that God sends you a new man that makes you say, "Who was that loser I was with?!"

I'm claiming if for you!!

 

[Smiley79]

Thanks girls.