Thread for the heartbroken

Heartbroken over "friendships."
I'm learning in 2021 not to check up on people who don't check up on me. If I meant anything at all to them the friendship wouldn't be one sided. But letting go means a lot more loss except what exactly am I losing. Really it's just a friendship I didn't realky have in the first place. I'm letting go of the illusions.
 
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Jmartjrmd said:
Heartbroken over "friendships."
I'm learning in 2021 not to check up on people who don't check up on me. If I meant anything at all to them the friendship wouldn't be one sided. But letting go means a lot more loss except what exactly am I losing. Really it's just a friendship I didn't realky have in the first place. I'm letting go of the illusions.
Click to expand...

I’ve been struggling with friendship breakups too. One broke up but comes back around every now and then and I love her so much I allow it. I’m not ready to move on completely from her. Another I miss a lot and think of her so fondly but I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for her as I would for the first one. The other ones were fake-friend exes that I thought were solid friendships years after breakup but they violated so I had to ✌️ cold turkey. All of these breakups happened around the same time or a year apart or so. I guess great things lie ahead because shedding is essential to transformation whether I fight against It or not and I shouldn’t fight it or else I will never be the butterfly I intend to become. The hard truth is maybe they needed to shed ME. Either way, it will be as it is meant to be.
 
I had to cut off a "friend" of mine at church. Why? Every time that she saw my husband, she wanted a hug from him...even though he would extend his hand out to her. What single woman does that?

The last time she tried it, he firmly told her no, and that a hand shake was good enough. She's always sought to gain the attention of my male friends in the past, but I just over-looked it. However, the super niceness and wanting to hug my dh made me feel really uneasy.
 
shortycocoa said:
What was the good news? I hope the pain you're feeling goes away soon and that the good news outweighs any negative emotions.
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I recently re-enrolled in school; the class I was having a difficult time in I did really well on the first exam.
My ex surprised me last month with money for the semesters tuition so I could focus only on grades so I wish I could have told him his investment was paying off.

To be honest,no, this doesn’t outweigh the negative emotions,everything is just too fresh. Thanks, I hope it does as well.
 
kimpaur said:
I recently re-enrolled in school; the class I was having a difficult time in I did really well on the first exam.
My ex surprised me last month with money for the semesters tuition so I could focus only on grades so I wish I could have told him his investment was paying off.

To be honest,no, this doesn’t outweigh the negative emotions,everything is just too fresh. Thanks, I hope it does as well.
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Oh wow! That was so generous of him. I hope you continue to do well in school!
 
I had a break up over the summer, and at the time had enough distractions with work and school to avoid processing the end of things. Now I'm away on vacation and can't stop thinking about us. It started with an innocent conversation with a stranger on the beach about relationships in general, the good, the bad, the ugly. I talked about my ex and since then I haven't stopped thinking about us. I dreamed about us last night and I've spent most of the morning in this beautiful location bawling because the weight of it all finally caught up with me.

I know this is a phase. I know we're not getting back together. I know I'm not afraid of being single, and I'm not so desperate for companionship that any relationship will do. I just need for my heart to catch up to where my head has been for a while now.
 
It really bothered me how he didn’t ask for his house key back. But then again a man cowardly enough to break up via text probably is too cowardly to ask .

I debated mailing it ,throwing it in the garbage,burying it in the backyard ,throwing it out the window :look:
After talking to my mother this weekend and my BFF, I realized it wasnt okay to put 100% of the responsibility of the failure of this relationship on my shoulders. I was agonizing over whether the things he said about me and why he wanted to end it so suddenly were true because they didn’t make sense. I finally realized after talking to them that the “why” doesn’t matter, he just wanted to end it so let it be.
After I stopped blaming myself , all these repressed feelings came up and anger and I decided to finally release him from my heart. Got his old tshirts and that damn house key and put them in an old Amazon box I had, taped it up , wrote his name and drove to his apartment and placed it on his doorstep and left.

I knew it was his off day but was hoping he wouldn’t be home, and lo and behold his truck was parked out front. He almost never took his weekday off day and my mind started wandering as to maybe he was thinking of me,maybe he knew I’d come,was he with someone?,but nope-I cut the thoughts off and reminded myself why I was there. The blinds were even open, but I did what I came to do-dropped my box off and dipped. He probably saw me, I don’t know.

I didn’t notice my hands were shaking until I tried to put my keys in the ignition; Oh well.

The possibility of the shame of him texting me telling me he needed his key back was something I could no longer bare; likewise entertaining the thought that he hadn’t asked for it back “just in case”- also too much to bear.
Now there is nothing keeping me tied to him
and now I may truly close the chapter.

I am a little shaky,and feel the waterworks coming on,but I’m glad I did this and can hold my head high. No more begging, blaming,or wondering why he did it,just focusing on healing myself now.
 
kimpaur said:
It really bothered me how he didn’t ask for his house key back. But then again a man cowardly enough to break up via text probably is too cowardly to ask .

I debated mailing it ,throwing it in the garbage,burying it in the backyard ,throwing it out the window :look:
After talking to my mother this weekend and my BFF, I realized it wasnt okay to put 100% of the responsibility of the failure of this relationship on my shoulders. I was agonizing over whether the things he said about me and why he wanted to end it so suddenly were true because they didn’t make sense. I finally realized after talking to them that the “why” doesn’t matter, he just wanted to end it so let it be.
After I stopped blaming myself , all these repressed feelings came up and anger and I decided to finally release him from my heart. Got his old tshirts and that damn house key and put them in an old Amazon box I had, taped it up , wrote his name and drove to his apartment and placed it on his doorstep and left.

I knew it was his off day but was hoping he wouldn’t be home, and lo and behold his truck was parked out front. He almost never took his weekday off day and my mind started wandering as to maybe he was thinking of me,maybe he knew I’d come,was he with someone?,but nope-I cut the thoughts off and reminded myself why I was there. The blinds were even open, but I did what I came to do-dropped my box off and dipped. He probably saw me, I don’t know.

I didn’t notice my hands were shaking until I tried to put my keys in the ignition; Oh well.

The possibility of the shame of him texting me telling me he needed his key back was something I could no longer bare; likewise entertaining the thought that he hadn’t asked for it back “just in case”- also too much to bear.
Now there is nothing keeping me tied to him
and now I may truly close the chapter.

I am a little shaky,and feel the waterworks coming on,but I’m glad I did this and can hold my head high. No more begging, blaming,or wondering why he did it,just focusing on healing myself now.
Click to expand...
I'm so proud of you. You are stronger than you know. ((((Hugs))))
 
Don’t get me wrong,these last few days have been ROUGH…but the way the women in my life have come through for me almost makes this whole thing 100% worth it . Because of my own insecurities/childhood trauma I always felt like the people in my life didn’t truly love and care for me(which is probably why I tend to go all in in my romantic relationships) but the way they have been giving space to me-from lending their shoulders to cry on,their homes ,their food,their alcohol :look: …I don’t think I will ever forget this.
It’s nice to be loved ❤️
 
kimpaur said:
Don’t get me wrong,these last few days have been ROUGH…but the way the women in my life have come through for me almost makes this whole thing 100% worth it . Because of my own insecurities/childhood trauma I always felt like the people in my life didn’t truly love and care for me(which is probably why I tend to go all in in my romantic relationships) but the way they have been giving space to me-from lending their shoulders to cry on,their homes ,their food,their alcohol :look: …I don’t think I will ever forget this.
It’s nice to be loved ❤️
Click to expand...
That's amazing! Also let us know how we can support you through this time.
 
shortycocoa said:
That's amazing! Also let us know how we can support you through this time.
Click to expand...
Thank you shorty <3
Just having a place to vent is wonderful

Still going through that emotional rollercoaster,though it’s getting less abrupt. Day started off Happy and hopeful for the future, then my mind started digging in the past,shoulda woulda coulda.
Wish I didn’t miss him but I do.
I’m proud of myself for sticking to No Contact at least.
 
kimpaur said:
It really bothered me how he didn’t ask for his house key back. But then again a man cowardly enough to break up via text probably is too cowardly to ask .

I debated mailing it ,throwing it in the garbage,burying it in the backyard ,throwing it out the window :look:
After talking to my mother this weekend and my BFF, I realized it wasnt okay to put 100% of the responsibility of the failure of this relationship on my shoulders. I was agonizing over whether the things he said about me and why he wanted to end it so suddenly were true because they didn’t make sense. I finally realized after talking to them that the “why” doesn’t matter, he just wanted to end it so let it be.
After I stopped blaming myself , all these repressed feelings came up and anger and I decided to finally release him from my heart. Got his old tshirts and that damn house key and put them in an old Amazon box I had, taped it up , wrote his name and drove to his apartment and placed it on his doorstep and left.

I knew it was his off day but was hoping he wouldn’t be home, and lo and behold his truck was parked out front. He almost never took his weekday off day and my mind started wandering as to maybe he was thinking of me,maybe he knew I’d come,was he with someone?,but nope-I cut the thoughts off and reminded myself why I was there. The blinds were even open, but I did what I came to do-dropped my box off and dipped. He probably saw me, I don’t know.

I didn’t notice my hands were shaking until I tried to put my keys in the ignition; Oh well.

The possibility of the shame of him texting me telling me he needed his key back was something I could no longer bare; likewise entertaining the thought that he hadn’t asked for it back “just in case”- also too much to bear.
Now there is nothing keeping me tied to him
and now I may truly close the chapter.

I am a little shaky,and feel the waterworks coming on,but I’m glad I did this and can hold my head high. No more begging, blaming,or wondering why he did it,just focusing on healing myself now.
Click to expand...
So I was decompressing after class,just sitting in my car in the driveway
WHY did I see HIS truck pull up? My eyes immediately started watering so there was no way I was getting out of my car. A minute or two later he drove off and what did I see?

On the porch,MY box I left on HIS doorstep,but this time with my name in sharpie and my things inside (minus my panties:look:) :lol:
I am SO glad I’ve been strict no contact. I think he did this to get a rise out of me,because that’s why I originally did it to him :look:
He’s so use to be circling back trying to fix our problems , texting him for explanations etc
Not anymore. You made your choice.
Oh well *shrug*
 
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I read a lovely
quote today about
not reacting to
things that bother
you and letting
go and wanted
to share. I hope
this is the thread
in which it belongs.

I’m Slowly Learning that I Don’t Have to React to Everything that Bothers Me​

1702349393069.png​

By Rania Naim Updated September 18, 2021
​
I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to hurt those who hurt me. I’m slowly learning that maybe the ultimate sign of maturity is walking away instead of getting even.

I’m slowly learning that the energy it takes to react to every bad thing that happens to you drains you and stops you from seeing the other good things in life. I’m slowly learning that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and I won’t be able to get everyone to treat me the way I want to be treated and that’s okay. I’m slowly learning that trying so hard to ‘win’ anyone is just a waste of time and energy and it fills you with nothing but emptiness.

I’m slowly learning that not reacting doesn’t mean I’m okay with things, it just means I’m choosing to rise above it. I’m choosing to take the lesson it has served and learn from it. I’m choosing to be the bigger person. I’m choosing my peace of mind because that’s what I truly need. I don’t need more drama. I don’t need people making me feel like I’m not good enough. I don’t need fights and arguments and fake connections. I’m slowly learning that sometimes not saying anything at all says everything.

I’m slowly learning that reacting to things that upset you gives someone else power over your emotions. You can’t control what others do but you can control how you respond, how you handle it, how you perceive it and how much of it you want to take personally. I’m slowly learning that most of the time, these situations say nothing about you and a lot about the other person. I’m slowly learning that maybe all these disappointments are just there to teach us how to love ourselves because that will be the armor and the shield we need against the people who try to bring us down. They will save us when people try to shake our confidence or when they try to make us feel like we’re worthless.

I’m slowly learning that even if I react, it won’t change anything, it won’t make people suddenly love and respect me, it won’t magically change their minds. Sometimes it’s better to just let things be, let people go, don’t fight for closure, don’t ask for explanations, don’t chase answers and don’t expect people to understand where you’re coming from. I’m slowly learning that life is better lived when you don’t center it on what’s happening around you and center it on what’s happening inside you instead. Work on yourself and your inner peace and you’ll come to realize that not reacting to every little thing that bothers you is the first ingredient to living a happy and healthy life.* [underscore, mine]

Rania Naim
Click to expand...
 
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