*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Yall ..

Lol. Why has my ex- fiance been trying to get in touch with me (from a new phone #) since last week.. ?

Yes. The same ex fiance that got a woman pregnant less than a month after I ended the engagement... their child should have been born at the end of May 2024 / early June 2024.


He's been blocked on everything (including email) since December 2023.

New # .. I'm being petty and just ignoring vs. blocking.

I have no desire to speak with him in this lifetime again.
 
registered for classes yesterday for spring semester.

spring 2025:
PS 100- intro to psych
intro to statistics

the anatomy and physiology class i wanted wasn't even listed so I couldn't register for it.

I plan on taking A& P 1 with the lab during the summer for summer session 1.

A&P 2 will be taken during summer session 2.

after those are done, I will only have to take chemistry 180 & 181 and retake micro
 
One of the hardest things for me to do in my newfound singleness is to put myself first all the time.

I do plenty of self care and get rest, etc. However, someone I care deeply for is struggling and having a rough time. I've offered support. Showed up and took them to eat/movies and much more.

I'm not saying I'm done being supportive, but today I came to the realization that there is only so much I can do. After my toxic marriage, I've come to see and recognize when I'm being emotionally drained.

Time to back away and let them figure things out. It hurts because they are so young and look up to me. But, I've got to take care of me right now.
 
sunnieb said:
One of the hardest things for me to do in my newfound singleness is to put myself first all the time.

I do plenty of self care and get rest, etc. However, someone I care deeply for is struggling and having a rough time. I've offered support. Showed up and took them to eat/movies and much more.

I'm not saying I'm done being supportive, but today I came to the realization that there is only so much I can do. After my toxic marriage, I've come to see and recognize when I'm being emotionally drained.

Time to back away and let them figure things out. It hurts because they are so young and look up to me. But, I've got to take care of me right now.
Click to expand...
You know you my big sis right?!! So your challenge from now on out is only give from your overflow. You need to restore you and give only from the abundance. This has been my last few yr challenge because old familiar not saying better but familiar pattens crop up. I have been doing that at work and the comments have not been nice but I can feel my self respect rising.
 
Listen to yourself and your nervous system.

I'm very mindful of when I feel like my energy, mind, time or resources are being siphoned (whether it's my doing or someone elses).

I love the recent saying "I'm just a girl".. lol. Do what I can and lean alllllllll the way back.

Just because we can, doesn't mean we always have to extend ourselves.

sunnieb said:
One of the hardest things for me to do in my newfound singleness is to put myself first all the time.

I do plenty of self care and get rest, etc. However, someone I care deeply for is struggling and having a rough time. I've offered support. Showed up and took them to eat/movies and much more.

I'm not saying I'm done being supportive, but today I came to the realization that there is only so much I can do. After my toxic marriage, I've come to see and recognize when I'm being emotionally drained.

Time to back away and let them figure things out. It hurts because they are so young and look up to me. But, I've got to take care of me right now.
Click to expand...
 
@Plushottie hey lil sis! I love the 'give from abundance' mantra! That's what I think happened with me. I recently took on some major heavy lifting at work - by choice. It will help further my career and earning potential and is only until January.

Then on top of that, the holidays are here. I decided to declutter and really decorate this year. That's what I'm doing all weekend. It's fun, but work since I'm doing it alone.

There's other minor life stuff too. ANNNNDD, still finalizing some stuff from my divorce.

I don't have much abundance to offer right now. And baby when I ran low, I saw it with the quickness! Lol!

@yaya24 I'm listening! :)
 
sunnieb said:
@Plushottie hey lil sis! I love the 'give from abundance' mantra! That's what I think happened with me. I recently took on some major heavy lifting at work - by choice. It will help further my career and earning potential and is only until January.

Then on top of that, the holidays are here. I decided to declutter and really decorate this year. That's what I'm doing all weekend. It's fun, but work since I'm doing it alone.

There's other minor life stuff too. ANNNNDD, still finalizing some stuff from my divorce.

I don't have much abundance to offer right now. And baby when I ran low, I saw it with the quickness! Lol!

@yaya24 I'm listening! :)
Click to expand...
You pour into you solely esp with the job piece that’s major. It’s an investment in your future. I tend to go easy on other things when I need to focus a lot on one big energy puller. You deserve flow.
 
did my open enrollment for my health insurance. I'm super excited to get my new card so I can go to the dermatologist and finally clear my skin

I am so uncomfortable I refuse to take pics

new card will be mailed dec 1 and won't be able to be seen until the new year

hair thoughts: getting my birthday style done in early December. Birthday is in a few weeks.

excited to get time to myself. I take care of everyone but often forget about me
 
CoiledOrchids said:
what are y'all doing for self care?

I feel like I'm struggling in that area. I'm still grieving the loss of my grandma who died last year and everything feels so...heavy

I feel numb at times too
Click to expand...
Self care can be anything that brings you joy and feels good/relaxing. For me, if I want to do self care cheaper, I am content when I stay home, watch my shows, get in a workout and cook a tasty meal.

So sorry to hear about your grandmother. Grieving is a season and will take time to go thru the phases. Be gentle with yourself and get professional help if you think you need.
 
lavaflow99 said:
Self care can be anything that brings you joy and feels good/relaxing. For me, if I want to do self care cheaper, I am content when I stay home, watch my shows, get in a workout and cook a tasty meal.

So sorry to hear about your grandmother. Grieving is a season and will take time to go thru the phases. Be gentle with yourself and get professional help if you think you need.
Click to expand...
@lavaflow99 thank you

I know she's gone but it's still so painful for me to even think about. I try my best to avoid going there but I recently went to visit her grave for her bday a few days ago and it was difficult. I couldn't even stand there for more than 2 seconds

it's my maternal grandma too. My mom's been having a rough time. She's better now but when this was all happening my aunts were being extremely disrespectful and toxic to her and how they behaved towards me was just unforgivable and downright cruel.

I check on my mom and make sure she's good. You know, just pretty much stay out of the way and let her grieve however she needs to.

School and work have been good distractions for me. If I stop and think about her like that..it's just too much. I can't.
 
got a sterilite wide 3 drawer cart from Walmart. I put my summer tops/bottoms/ and swimsuits in it and I labeled each drawer.

I just need a pair of black corduroy pants.

I also have a small bag of clothes and 2 pairs of shoes to drop off in the donation bin tomorrow on the way to work

I did my grocery run first thing this morning; did a load of laundry and made soup. Now, I just finished organizing my winter clothes.

I'm tired
 
CoiledOrchids said:
what are y'all doing for self care?

I feel like I'm struggling in that area. I'm still grieving the loss of my grandma who died last year and everything feels so...heavy

I feel numb at times too
Click to expand...
For me self care has been ensuring I’m present in my body and can dial into what I’m feeling, I’m prone to disassociate esp as life isn’t great. I do my best to maintain my shower/skincare as I know it helps with being energetically clean. I also try to pour into self upon waking ie water, stretch, meditating.

I hope you are supported well through your healing journey.
 
CoiledOrchids said:
got a sterilite wide 3 drawer cart from Walmart. I put my summer tops/bottoms/ and swimsuits in it and I labeled each drawer.

I just need a pair of black corduroy pants.

I also have a small bag of clothes and 2 pairs of shoes to drop off in the donation bin tomorrow on the way to work

I did my grocery run first thing this morning; did a load of laundry and made soup. Now, I just finished organizing my winter clothes.

I'm tired
Click to expand...
Productive day!! Now time to rest. :sleep2:
 
CoiledOrchids said:
what are y'all doing for self care?
Click to expand...

Early night sleep, early rise
Slow mornings
10k+ steps each day (try and knock this out at the beginning of the day)
Light weights daily
Hip and pelvic floor stretches/exercises daily
Reading
Spend time with close friends/ family
Saying no to things I do not want to do
Speaking up
Mind my own business
Try not to dwell on thigs/ take things personal
Limit alcohol
Drink water daily
Take my vitamins
Intermittent fast daily
Daily face/skin care
Journaling
Meditating
Nail day 1x a month
Pedi 2xs a month
Massage 1x a month
Facial every 6 weeks
House cleaner every 6 weeks
 
I like to:
exercise ( i do gentle yoga)
go for a walk
meditate
Cook & bake
slow mornings
take time off from work as needed
unplug regularly from social media
journal
take naps
watch a good hallmark movie

I don't have any close friends at the moment

I will be going back to therapy as well. I have quite a bit of stuff to work through and I'm not doing myself any good trying to avoid it

also did open enrollment for my health insurance so I'll be getting myself an appt with a dermatologist. Time to clear up my skin.
 
I’m having such a problem renting my unit. I have a 2 family that I paid for over $100k in renovations. I was planning on renting to a voucher tenant but when it was inspected, the inspector asked for a certificate of occupancy. My house was built before C of Os were issued, so I had to get a Letter of No Objection from the DOB. When I applied to the DOB, the house had no records on file with the city. Now DOB is asking me to hire an architect to submit an application. Architects are charging from 8k-12k. I’m pretty broke right now and I’m about 70k in debt. I’m looking for cash paying tenants but none have applied so far. I put my apartment on Turbo Tenant and all I have are voucher applicants, no cash paying.


I had my house sitting for about a year before I decided to do the renovations. I didn’t want to start spending my money because I was unemployed. My mom kept pressuring me to renovate it so I just followed her. She has 12 properties across two states so I thought she knew what she was talking about. I also had my mom’s cousin who is a realtor look at the apartment. He encouraged me to rent to voucher tenants also. The process was so long to find a qualified voucher tenant, plus we had to wait for paper work to process. He told me I would need the C of O for the first floor, not the second. Now I feel like I’m stuck.

The planning of the renovation was totally backwards. Now I’m researching on Bigger Pockets and stuff, and I don’t really think my mom knows how to plan a renovation. She doesn’t plan a budget or timeline, she just goes with whatever she thinks is reasonable in her head. I thought she knew what she was doing because she has so much experience, but now I’ve followed her and it landed me into mess.

I want to date but I can’t even think about that now because I feel so broke. I had over 90k saved two years ago. I haven’t been working due to my industry being shutdown, so right now I’ve been unemployed/underemployed. I only have about $300 after all my bills.

I’m working with a career coach to see how I can make the most of my network and possibly use my skills to pivot somewhere else. I’ve been getting a lot of replies to my cold outreach emails but no work.

I also found a free business coach from SBA. I had a business idea and my coach gave me a few documents to fill out to make me think of how I can differentiate myself,
 
i'm glad its almost the weekend. I can't wait to be off work next week for thanksgiving. I'm excited to be able to sleep in and relax.

I want to buy myself a budget planner

other than that, I'm chillin'
 
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soo...
today at work had a convo with the music teacher about tiny homes

I actually think tiny homes are cute but idk about living in one plus you'd have to buy land which depending on how many acres you want can be expensive and would you even pay a mortgage? are utilities included?

idk so many questions...

the teacher was saying how you can save tons of $$$, you can design it however you want, ect

that would be a good thought after graduation though since I'm not sure I want to live in my home state forever. I hate snow and I like hot/warm temps year round

plus I love love love the beach

the idea would be to live in the tiny home for a few years while you save for a down payment on a home to design/build it how you want and then if you want to travel in the summer or whenever you can rent it out for passive income

in my area for a 1 bedroom apartment is hella expensive but I'd need a 2 bedroom for my home library.

but I also love the idea of buying one of those sheds from home depot, and renovating it to make the ultimate feminine home library with a hot cocoa bar and a huge chaise lounge.

I like a cottage style shed/tiny home or i like the farmhouse style as well. Anything cozy and warm with lots of space and natural light. I don't want to feel cramped in a small space though
 
decluttered box 1 of books. I'm exhausted. I know I won't miss them but I still have like 3 more boxes to get through.

I have a few personal finance books I'll be keeping; a few classics and the rest are books from my favorite author

I'd like to have 40 or less books
I'm trying to minimize my stuff
 
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