Thread for the heartbroken

I will say this EX's have been showing themselves this year in my life and I am finally learning to let go and allow God. Break up's are never easy. However, in 2013 "Lord Willing"

I will finally be with the love of my life! I look forward to this.
 
It's been a little over a month since my ex broke up with me. I still have to deal with people who don't know yet asking me about the wedding plans and I have to tell them it's over. It makes me angry all over again that I have to go through this. It's like he totally cut me off and moved on but I'm not able to do that so easily. Still wondering what to do with this engagement ring...
 
Thanks, it just hurts so much. I'm scared to even try to date again. I always end up hurting. Chest pains and just feeling used. I try my best to be good and respectful yet I keep getting treated like yesterdays trash.
 
Today was a really hard day:(. So now I will write all my feelings in my journal. I know writing is going to help. I miss him...


He keeps contacting me since... I just ignore his calls and texts. It has now been three months and I feel better today than I did 3 months ago when I left him alone.
 
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I don't know how I've missed this thread! Its been almost a year since we've been broken up but I have found myself thinking of him a lot these past few weeks, I think because its my first V-DAy without him in 6 years. We were engaged and he just cut it off abruptly, no explanation, no nothing but a few weeks later he was all over twitter and IG professing his love for somebody else.... I have sooooo many questions and I feel like I was nothing to this man even though we were together for 6 damn years, sad thing is he's always been a liar and a manipulator but I just want to hear the truth from him. I'm fighting the urge to email him but I know its pointless to reopen old wounds. I'm praying that I can stay strong and fight this urge to reach out to him because I know it'll end badly.
 
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UniquelyDivine Stay strong! If you contact him, he may not respond and it will hurt you even more. I completely understand how you feel. Just take one day at a time. :bighug:

UniquelyDivine said:
I don't know how I've missed this thread! Its been almost a year since we've been broken up but I have found myself thinking of him a lot these past few weeks, I think because its my first V-DAy without him in 6 years. We were engaged and he just cut it off abruptly, no explanation, no nothing but a few weeks later he was all over twitter and IG professing his love for somebody else.... I have sooooo many questions and I feel like I was nothing to this man even though we were together for 6 damn years, sad thing is he's always been a liar and a manipulator but I just want to hear the truth from him. I'm fighting the urge to email him but I know its pointless to reopen old wounds. I'm paying that I can strong and fight this urge to reach out to him because I know it'll end badly.
Click to expand...
 
It will be almost a year after I made him leave. We have sort of rekindled a "friendship" I guess. Something happened between us recently...small petty argument(one I take full responsibility for)...and I know that it stemmed from some of what I still hold inside for him and I resent his unwillingness to appreciate and reciprocate. I resent the fact that he would only take what I offered(love, attention, appreciation, admiration) on his terms and offered (very little to nothing) in return. Even this "friendship" is on his terms and I am starting to see that that will never change and I need to step back from something so unhealthy. He is what he is and it doesn't make him a bad person, just not for me. All in all, I think this new "friendship" which is little more than regular communication has proven to me that what I decided a year was the best decision I could I ever make. I miss the old him. I miss what it was like in beginning as friends. I will always love him. However, I recognize that all those qualities that I wanted a man to have and thought he had......he is missing the most important one....ability and willingness to love me. So, I have to go find that. I have to continue to work on me and let go of this resentment I am holding in my heart that sometimes feels as strong as this love I have for him. In the meantime, one day at a time.

I have spent the last few months playing Tamia's Love I'm Yours and I think it speaks to what I am feeling and what I felt getting through this last year or so.
 
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pebbles said:
I'd like to offer my sisters some advice during this difficult time. It's a list of do's and don'ts. If you're serious that this relationship is over, take serious steps to move forward with your life. :yep:


-Don't play any sad love songs. No Luther or Mary J, etc. Up beat music only!
-Don't stay home by yourself watching tv or sitting in the dark. Talk about an opportunity to cry! That's the last thing you want to do!
-Don't call his house, his job, his cell phone just to hear his voice then hang up.
-Don't drive by his house, his job, his friends house, his family's house, any place he hangs out regularly. If you know he likes to go there, stay away!
-Don't contact his new girlfriend, his friends, don't ask about him. Let it go!
-Don't email or text message him.
-Don't sit around staring at old pictures of him. Take them down. If you're really trying to get over him, you don't need constant reminders.
-Delete his number from your cell phone. Yes, that's what I said. Lose it! If it's over, it's over. Cut him loose.
-Don't tell yourself that you just lost your perfect mate. If he were the perfect one, he'd be with you. He's not, so he wasn't the one.
-Don't believe that you'll never find someone else that will make you feel the same way he did. If I had a dime for everytime that I've seen that line proven wrong ........

-Do pamper yourself. Make regular appointments to have your mani and pedi.
-This is a hair forum, so you know the hair can't be neglected! :lol:
-Watch what you eat. I love that some of you have made the decision to eat healthy! Excellent! Some of us have a tendency to overeat when we're depressed, :look: , have some carrot sticks or apple slices. Instead of bread try Melba toast. If you feel like munching all the time, keep some sugar free gum in your purse.
-Try a new hobby. Join a gym. Take a class. Stay busy!!! Don't give yourself time to think or cry.
-If you are a church person, go to church! Prayer groups and church activities keep a girl busy! lol!
-Say yes when your friends invite you out, even if you don't feel like going. Don't mope. Make ever effort not to allow yourself to become depressed. If your friends are trying to cheer you up, meet them half way.
-Give yourself time to heal from your old relationship. Don't drag old hurts from past relationships into new ones.
-Be open to meeting new people. You never know! :yep:

-And please, ladies, when you do meet that new person, and you will :yep: , and he inevitably asks you about your past relationship(s) and what happened, don't give anything away, if you can avoid it. Just say, "it didn't work out." Don't give more than that. Sometimes in revealing details about past relationships, we inadvertently reveal vulnerabilities that might be too early for this new person to know. Let him wait. :wink2:
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for this!! pebbles
 
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pre_medicalrulz said:
Good thread! A girl once told me that it took her an entire year to get over a relationship. At that time I thought she was crazy. I was like, 'no way I"m giving anyone that much time to get over something!'. This time in my life I now understand what she went through. Even though I have healed and forgiven myself and the situation the hurt still flashes through my mind sometimes but its so easy to shake it off now. It's like nothing. But it did take a few years to get to this point. I believe it took me about 4 years even with lots of prayer. Crazy, huh? :nono: Til this day I will catch myself thinking about the hurt but its more so of missing the feeling of being in love with someone (not him) that consumes me. I miss those days. :yep:
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We are >>>here<<<< ...like, seriously.

ElegantPearl17 said:
Half a year has past since the breakup. I still think about him daily. I haven't had any contact with him since I sent him an e-greeting for his bday in which he briefly responded "thanks". My birthday came around and he didn't even bother to contact me at all. I am convinced he had moved on before I decided to end things so I am not shocked he doesn't even care to contact me, but it still hurts. I still love him...maybe the next 6 months will be better.

Awesome thread OP!!!
Click to expand...

It does get better, trust me. :bighug:

UniquelyDivine said:
I don't know how I've missed this thread! Its been almost a year since we've been broken up but I have found myself thinking of him a lot these past few weeks, I think because its my first V-DAy without him in 6 years. We were engaged and he just cut it off abruptly, no explanation, no nothing but a few weeks later he was all over twitter and IG professing his love for somebody else.... I have sooooo many questions and I feel like I was nothing to this man even though we were together for 6 damn years, sad thing is he's always been a liar and a manipulator but I just want to hear the truth from him. I'm fighting the urge to email him but I know its pointless to reopen old wounds. I'm praying that I can stay strong and fight this urge to reach out to him because I know it'll end badly.
Click to expand...

:bighug::bighug:
 
intellectualuva said:
It will be almost a year after I made him leave. We have sort of rekindled a "friendship" I guess. Something happened between us recently...small petty argument(one I take full responsibility for)...and I know that it stemmed from some of what I still hold inside for him and I resent his unwillingness to appreciate and reciprocate. I resent the fact that he would only take what I offered(love, attention, appreciation, admiration) on his terms and offered (very little to nothing) in return. Even this "friendship" is on his terms and I am starting to see that that will never change and I need to step back from something so unhealthy. He is what he is and it doesn't make him a bad person, just not for me. All in all, I think this new "friendship" which is little more than regular communication has proven to me that what I decided a year was the best decision I could I ever make. I miss the old him. I miss what it was like in beginning as friends. I will always love him. However, I recognize that all those qualities that I wanted a man to have and thought he had......he is missing the most important one....ability and willingness to love me. So, I have to go find that. I have to continue to work on me and let go of this resentment I am holding in my heart that sometimes feels as strong as this love I have for him. In the meantime, one day at a time.

I have spent the last few months playing Tamia's Love I'm Yours and I think it speaks to what I am feeling and what I felt getting through this last year or so.
Click to expand...

I have been where you are, multiple times, with the same person, and it hurts so much. But you have to work on you, make you your first priority, take yourself out, do some retail therapy. Being a "friend" to him may open a door to a place that you don't want to revisit. Trust me, I've done this and regretted it. Also, seek out friends who can help you with coping. Not those who will judge and speak negatively, but those who will comfort you and encourage you to come out of this funk. This is a season that you're in, and it shall pass. :bighug:
 
I can't get this weight off my chest. Nearly 2 weeks later and I don't feel a bit better. This feels so wrong.

We need to exchange some belongings. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or dreading it.

I just feel sick all the time. I've never felt so blue after a breakup. :nono:

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
Briabiggles said:
I can't believe I'm here again. I miss him so much!! How could he leave someone who loves him so much?!
Click to expand...

I was feeling the same way the beginning of the year. i couldnt understand how my ex could get with someone else knowing how much i loved him. i still dont understand. just know that it does get better and take it one day at a time
 
This is a difficult process some days im good and not thinking about him, others im sad and crying. I wish the letting go process was a quick process but sadly its not.
 
Ok. It's done. Exchanged stuff. I cried a bit (of course). Told him I couldn't be friends. He said he's here to talk whenever. I said he will never hear from me again.

He's been FB unfriended and phone number deleted. Gone.
 
Briabiggles said:
Ok. It's done. Exchanged stuff. I cried a bit (of course). Told him I couldn't be friends. He said he's here to talk whenever. I said he will never hear from me again.

He's been FB unfriended and phone number deleted. Gone.
Click to expand...

Briabiggles :bighug:

But kudos for cutting him off cold turkey. That's going to make the process a little easier.
 
i put him on blast and after a month he finally came up with a half a$$ed apology and admitted he was wrong for what he did but he still hasn't told me the truth.

his smug sarcastic egotistical comments sent me into a rage. he told me "well what do you want me to do?"
"i know you still care because you love me"
"i miss you"
"i love you"
"i hope i get to see you again soon"

all while laughing in my face. i feel so humiliated. he knows all i want is to know the truth and he's lying just to spite me. i literally can't move on until I know the truth. i want to hurt him.
 
newports said:
i put him on blast and after a month he finally came up with a half a$$ed apology and admitted he was wrong for what he did but he still hasn't told me the truth.

his smug sarcastic egotistical comments sent me into a rage. he told me "well what do you want me to do?"
"i know you still care because you love me"
"i miss you"
"i love you"
"i hope i get to see you again soon"

all while laughing in my face. i feel so humiliated. he knows all i want is to know the truth and he's lying just to spite me. i literally can't move on until I know the truth. i want to hurt him.
Click to expand...

I had a ex who lied about somethings and I just had to know and kept asking and he kept lying and because i felt like i needed to know the truth i stayed stuck and did not move on. I just want to let you know that u can move one without knowing the truth. U already know that he will never probably never be honest with you & if u keep feeling like u just have to know you will be stuck in this place. I dont know the situation but will knowing the truth make u feel better, or will it just cause u more pain? Just know that even if he never tells you the truth, u can move on and that there is somebody out there who won't treat you like that. It will get better :bighug:
 
Been on the baggage reclaim site half of the day. Was an emotional wreck this morning and needed to find some strength.
 
MzLady78 said:
Yeah, I was feeling a little better by the time I typed that post. Just hope that it continues into today.
Click to expand...

It will get better. We all have those days. Were u thinking about your ex? Is that why u wetter emotional. That's what always causes Mr ti get sad. I really had to start controlling my thoughts because I was constantly thinking about my ex and that was not a good thing.

sent from my galaxy
 
Rae81 said:
It will get better. We all have those days. Were u thinking about your ex? Is that why u wetter emotional. That's what always causes Mr ti get sad. I really had to start controlling my thoughts because I was constantly thinking about my ex and that was not a good thing.

sent from my galaxy
Click to expand...

Yeah...2 weeks of no communication, then I ***'ed that up by drunk-texting. Got the "I do love you but we're at different points in our lives, but I'm still here for you" spiel. I think that was the reality check that there really is zero hope for us, something I was unfortunately still holding on to, although I was supposed to be moving on. Now I KNOW I don't have a choice. It's over for real and for good.
 
MzLady78 said:
Yeah...2 weeks of no communication, then I ***'ed that up by drunk-texting. Got the "I do love you but we're at different points in our lives, but I'm still here for you" spiel. I think that was the reality check that there really is zero hope for us, something I was unfortunately still holding on to, although I was supposed to be moving on. Now I KNOW I don't have a choice. It's over for real and for good.
Click to expand...

Sadly I have not mastered the art of no contact. I do it for a couple days then go back to talking to him. My ex is the opposite of yours telling me how much of a fool he was and how he made a huge mistake and wants to be apart of my life. I wish he would he would say what your ex said. Then I would be forced to let him go. Although I know I don't want to be with him and know I have to move on I like hearing that stuff. This is a difficult process.

sent from my galaxy
 
Rae81 said:
Sadly I have not mastered the art of no contact. I do it for a couple days then go back to talking to him. My ex is the opposite of yours telling me how much of a fool he was and how he made a huge mistake and wants to be apart of my life. I wish he would he would say what your ex said. Then I would be forced to let him go. Although I know I don't want to be with him and know I have to move on I like hearing that stuff. This is a difficult process.

sent from my galaxy
Click to expand...

Yeah, I guess I should be happy that there's no confusion. His actions and his words match up totally. He doesn't want to be with me and he's backed off- he's only initiated contact twice in 3 months.

Oh well. Nothing else I can say or do.
 
I've been the strong one in this break up. Which is weird!

I saw my ex out at a bar last weekend. We didn't say anything to each other. I woke up to texts from him saying "Bri I need to see you." *eye roll* I texted back later in the day and told him I didn't know why he needed to see me but nothing good could come of it. He said he just wanted to say hi and hopes we'll run into each other again. I told him that I meant it when I said I never wanted to talk to him again. *silence* Hopefully he get's the picture now.
 
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