Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

[ladysaraii]

Got my bellydancing and private dancer workout in. Since starting this, I am really forced to be more aware of my body particularly my hips and center( a little below my belly button). I did the dancing DVD last night and Dh even said he prefered this workout to the kickboxing I use to do

I feel a little oomph and confidence in my overall strut. I like this!

PS: I really want to take up pole dancing

RegaLady Which bellydancing video did you get?

 

[MonPetite]

Ok, Ladies. You have been smashing so far and I'm loving this conversation. Please help me with this. As some of you may know, I've adopted an intern here that I really like. She's supposed to be mentored by my supervisor, but they often forget about her and it falls to non-management staff to take care of her. I don't mean to stereotype, but she's the archetype of the "inner city" kid: Lives in a rough area, single mom who works two jobs, bright but not exposed to a lot of things I take for granted (like knowing how to pronounced Tuscon). I want to give her some stuff to read and she said she was willing. She says she really likes books dealing with relationships. Sadly, she mentioned Twilight which I don't think is a good example.

Any suggestions for an 18 year old girl??

Enyo

That's tough. It's hard to find good lit these days with healthy, drama-free relationships involving well-rounded, well-adjusted people.

Would she be open to books we mention LHCF about changing perspectives, opening yourself to new opportunities, etc?

Also, kudos to you for wanting to help her. I know you didn't do it for a "thank you," but you deserve one just the same.

 

[MonPetite]

Did you have any ideas LittleGoldenLamb?

For a challenge, or in general?

What has been on my mind lately is the fact that being feminine, like being calm, or confident, or organized takes energy --to have that energy you need time to rest, pray, decompress, have alone time, worship, what-have-you.

To make that time "happen" in your schedule, you have to prioritize WHY you're making that time slot appear in your day.

You have to consciously decided it is necessary, right, and good.

That giving yourself time to re-charge your femm-muscle is necessary, right, and good.

It makes sense to me, but I know that if I were to ever express this to some of my female family members they would respond with sarcasm, aggression, disbelief, and actual anger.

That bothers me...and I want to change that. And I am.

I'm starting monthly get togethers with dear ladies of mine that are feminine (Our second one is coming up soon, eep!), and care about taking care of themselves. I want to provide a special time each month where they get pampered and treated as the lovely creatures they are. It also helps me to have time with other like-minded women. I also enjoy being a hostess and have never had a chance where I am to flex that muscle. I see I am rusty in things, but still sharp in others. Plus, it's a good time.

Women here, even outside my family (predominantly non-black, as I am in corn-land) see it as a badge of honor to never "dress up." Dressing up, by the way, around here means putting on a plain t-shirt, simple pencil skirt, boring flats, and a dab some pink lipstick. Random people will tell me I'm not dressed as I should be to be doing whatever I'm doing, because I like looking my best when I leave the house. Period.

So, from all that, as an idea: Create spaces and times in your life where you are surrounded with and join together with other women to do something feminine. It's all girls for us and yes, we do stereotypically "feminine" things like make a meal together, have a tea party, pamper our skin --it works for us.

It's working for us and I think it will continue to become a sort of oasis where we can all share, learn, grow, and just...be.

Each month's party has a theme...which reminds me, I need to get to work on organizing this things.

Is that helpful? I'm typing during a break between classes, so this post may be very disjointed.

 

[RegaLady]

Haven't read the whole thread so my apologies if I'm re-treading some stuff.

To me sensuality is a mindset more then any thing else. You can be the most feminine woman on the planet and not exude sensuality, and you can also be less than feminine and have it seeping out of your pores. Sensuality is more about confidence, comfort, and openness than some prescribed way of being feminine.

To me you need to find your sweet spot for where you feel comfortable, beautiful, attractive rather than putting on a "feminine" front that is not really you. Inauthenticity is not sensual and eventually you will go back to being you so why not just start there?

I also think good sex is less about what you're doing then what you're feeling emotionally and willing to express when having sex. A willingness to be truly in the moment, invite a man into your emotional space, surrender any insecurities or sense of what's right or wrong sexually, and allowing your intuition to guide how you experience sex together, the better in my opinion.

I agree! I like what Enyo said upthread, that there are many paths to get there(femininity) we have to figure out our own unique paths. I think it is also important to have our own ideals of femininity, because not everyone will holitically fit in a box.

@RegaLady Which bellydancing video did you get?

I got one for beginners.

I am trying this first, just to get my feet wet, then build up on that.

 

[Enyo]

I am trying this first, just to get my feet wet, then build up on that.

That DVD is one of my favorites! She focuses on clean execution of movement which is so important if you want to be graceful. Don't let yourself start dancing with sloppy habits.

@Enyo
That's tough. It's hard to find good lit these days with healthy, drama-free relationships involving well-rounded, well-adjusted people.

Would she be open to books we mention LHCF about changing perspectives, opening yourself to new opportunities, etc?

Also, kudos to you for wanting to help her. I know you didn't do it for a "thank you," but you deserve one just the same.

@LittleGoldenLamb I read a really good quasi-romance novel that involved women of color in New Orleans. I'm thinking about giving it to her. It's a very easy read with a happy ending. I want her to be entertained, but I think it's important that she gets some history too.

ETA: I'm happy to help the intern. She's such a nice young lady and so keen to learn. She's like the daughter I'll never have.

 

[ambergirl]

I agree! I like what @Enyo said upthread, that there are many paths to get there(femininity) we have to figure out our own unique paths. I think it is also important to have our own ideals of femininity, because not everyone will holitically fit in a box.

ITA....nothing less sexy then someone pretending to be something they're not.

I also like doing things that push us to engage our senses in new ways. Like trying to describe the smell of a color, or the taste of an emotion, or how would a rose move if it could walk. Sensuality is literally about experiencing life through your senses so the more you stretch your senses, the more creative and comfortable you are in your sexuality and sensuality.

 

[Enyo]

ITA....nothing less sexy then someone pretending to be something they're not.

I also like doing things that push us to engage our senses in new ways. Like trying to describe the smell of a color, or the taste of an emotion, or how would a rose move if it could walk. Sensuality is literally about experiencing life through your senses so the more you stretch your senses, the more creative and comfortable you are in your sexuality and sensuality.

So true. I tell people I'm a sensual person and sometimes they misunderstand that I'm talking about it in the truest sense of the word. I had a hard time in the Middle East at the market places. There were much sights, sounds, scents, and sumptuous fabrics that I'd never seen before. It almost induced a state of mania.

 

[Enyo]

Ok, sexual question (goodness "Island Beneath the Sea" got my mind going!). Violette's slave started a rumor that Violette could hold a dove egg in her vaginal walls and go on about her day without cracking it. I'm confused as to what this is supposed to imply. I guess I'm naive.

 

[ladysaraii]

I started reading sex secrets of the American geisha. Immediately, it started speaking to me. I think I'm only going to read a few chapters, then go back to Powerful and Feminine. I'll read the specific sex/relationship stuff later.

Ok, sexual question (goodness "Island Beneath the Sea" got my mind going!). Violette's slave started a rumor that Violette could hold a dove egg in her vaginal walls and go on about her day without cracking it. I'm confused as to what this is supposed to imply. I guess I'm naive.

Was this considered a negative? Maybe she was implying that she was loose. (I'm thinking about how women use jade eggs to tone the vaginal muscles)

 

[Enyo]

Was this considered a negative? Maybe she was implying that she was loose. (I'm thinking about how women use jade eggs to tone the vaginal muscles)

No. The slave was trying to increase her reputation because she felt Violette could be making more money than she was. As a side note, part of the reason Violette did so well is because her slave really cared about her and helped market herself. I was also thinking about the jade eggs. I would think that a tight vaginal wall would crush the egg, not support it. If she was too wide, then it would drop out completely.

 

[CarLiTa]

It means she's tight enough but also incredibly delicate. I imagine no man wants to feel iron walls no matter how, uh, narrow. No, tight but soft...
I've read accounts of women describing their walls as snappers. That is awful, violent imagery but Violette's slave got a much, much more intriguing one.

 

[Kimbosheart]

It means she's tight enough but also incredibly delicate. I imagine no man wants to feel iron walls no matter how, uh, narrow. No, tight but soft...
I've read accounts of women describing their walls as snappers. That is awful, violent imagery but Violette's slave got a much, much more intriguing one.

I was thinking the same thing. You'd have to be strong to carry it but also delicate in your movements and soft within to not crack it. Very very intriguing but I'm not adventurous enough to try a real egg.

I do plan on completing my reading and studying with the Tao female energy book and a set of jade eggs but I consider that my phd class in feminine power.

 

[RegaLady]

Finishing up Powerful and Feminine and starting on For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men. All I can say is, "Wow!". Yeah lots of great pointers!

 

[Enyo]

I was thinking the same thing. You'd have to be strong to carry it but also delicate in your movements and soft within to not crack it. Very very intriguing but I'm not adventurous enough to try a real egg. I do plan on completing my reading and studying with the Tao female energy book and a set of jade eggs but I consider that my phd class in feminine power.

It was just a rumor she started, though. Violette never actually tried it. It's all about creating buzz among potential clients. Honestly, I think the book would have been a lot more interesting if it had been about her.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Here's an example of a woman that is physically sexy but not sensual just to put it in perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eR5EJRJeGmA

 

[CarLiTa]

Yeah, hm, don't try that egg thing
I had to google dove eggs. Some seemed large, but others are smallish.

Isabel Allende is known for the alluring female roles. Generally aloof, somewhat self-centered, crazy about their skin, very sensuous (often nature/loving), chased and loved by men. There's also often another woman who (with a worse lot in life) is fascinated and slightly in love with these women.
Same shows up in Middle-Eastern and North African literature.

 

[Enyo]

Yeah, hm, don't try that egg thing
I had to google dove eggs. Some seemed large, but others are smallish.

Isabel Allende is known for the alluring female roles. Generally aloof, somewhat self-centered, crazy about their skin, very sensuous (often nature/loving), chased and loved by men. There's also often another woman who (with a worse lot in life) is fascinated and slightly in love with these women. Same shows up in Middle-Eastern and North African literature.

Wow, thanks so much @CarLiTa - it's nice to know that Violette is basically one of her signature characters. It's kind of sad because the main character is indeed fascinated with Violette (as am I).

ETA: Realized that one of my favorite perfumes is called "Violette". Someone asked about wearing perfume to bed in another thread, and I think it's a good exercise in sensuality. I usually use "Violette" by Outremer and Lavender scented water I got from Colonial Williamsburg. It comes in heavy old-fashioned glass bottle with a cork with a simple purple/creme label on it. I love the routine of popping the cork and dabbing it all over my body.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Inspired by LittleGoldenLamb and RegaLady and the fact that I was a student for 20 years I've created a curriculum for my self study in this area. I've broken up the suggested books and activities into 4 areas to organize my progression on the topic. Yes I am a nerd. But I do feel like this progression makes sense and will perhaps net me the most gains in this area. I am after the spiritual connection and control over some things that have come naturally for me. I want to take my time so hopefully I'll finish this by June. It's designed to be sequential but some things may have to be done concurrently.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[miss cosmic]

For a challenge, or in general?

What has been on my mind lately is the fact that being feminine, like being calm, or confident, or organized takes energy --to have that energy you need time to rest, pray, decompress, have alone time, worship, what-have-you.

To make that time "happen" in your schedule, you have to prioritize WHY you're making that time slot appear in your day.

You have to consciously decided it is necessary, right, and good.

That giving yourself time to re-charge your femm-muscle is necessary, right, and good.

It makes sense to me, but I know that if I were to ever express this to some of my female family members they would respond with sarcasm, aggression, disbelief, and actual anger.

That bothers me...and I want to change that. And I am.

I'm starting monthly get togethers with dear ladies of mine that are feminine (Our second one is coming up soon, eep!), and care about taking care of themselves. I want to provide a special time each month where they get pampered and treated as the lovely creatures they are. It also helps me to have time with other like-minded women. I also enjoy being a hostess and have never had a chance where I am to flex that muscle. I see I am rusty in things, but still sharp in others. Plus, it's a good time.

Women here, even outside my family (predominantly non-black, as I am in corn-land) see it as a badge of honor to never "dress up." Dressing up, by the way, around here means putting on a plain t-shirt, simple pencil skirt, boring flats, and a dab some pink lipstick. Random people will tell me I'm not dressed as I should be to be doing whatever I'm doing, because I like looking my best when I leave the house. Period.

So, from all that, as an idea: Create spaces and times in your life where you are surrounded with and join together with other women to do something feminine. It's all girls for us and yes, we do stereotypically "feminine" things like make a meal together, have a tea party, pamper our skin --it works for us.

It's working for us and I think it will continue to become a sort of oasis where we can all share, learn, grow, and just...be.

Each month's party has a theme...which reminds me, I need to get to work on organizing this things.

Is that helpful? I'm typing during a break between classes, so this post may be very disjointed.

Thanks for this.
Do you mind sharing how you word your invitations to these events? I'd like to start something like this but i have no idea how to begin. I'd like to be seen as a positive, something that people want to attend. A lot of invitations to women's groups events just fall off my radar because of overly flowery (what i call 'pink') and melodramatic language that makes the event seem contrived and a waste of time. How do you 'sell' this to working women who dont have time for spa-days?

I remember you from khadija's blogs, your tips are always on point.

Sent from my GT-I8190 using LHCF

 

[ladysaraii]

Inspired by @LittleGoldenLamb and @RegaLady and the fact that I was a student for 20 years I've created a curriculum for my self study in this area. I've broken up the suggested books and activities into 4 areas to organize my progression on the topic. Yes I am a nerd. But I do feel like this progression makes sense and will perhaps net me the most gains in this area. I am after the spiritual connection and control over some things that have come naturally for me. I want to take my time so hopefully I'll finish this by June. It's designed to be sequential but some things may have to be done concurrently.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

Kimbosheart

Can you share your curriculum?

I've been thinking of something similar and would love to see other's thoughts.

 

[miss cosmic]

Inspired by LittleGoldenLamb and RegaLady and the fact that I was a student for 20 years I've created a curriculum for my self study in this area. I've broken up the suggested books and activities into 4 areas to organize my progression on the topic. Yes I am a nerd. But I do feel like this progression makes sense and will perhaps net me the most gains in this area. I am after the spiritual connection and control over some things that have come naturally for me. I want to take my time so hopefully I'll finish this by June. It's designed to be sequential but some things may have to be done concurrently.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

Do you mind sharing your outline? Thanks.

I have known for a long time that my energy is more masculine. For years i blamed my experiences with men and women on my body - i'm tall and slim, no boobs to speak of. Men generally never felt protective of me and women tended to either love me or hate me. With men i figured it was cos i'm not petite and just accepted it.
When i started reading about femininity is when i realised that i tend to go for the protection offered by being the hard, abrasive female, always ready with a come-back.
I want to change that.
I'm starting with my wardrobe - more dresses and well-cut pants and fewer oversized baggy outfits.
Softer colours (though i absolutely loathe pink) and accessories
..i'm learning to keep black to a minimum and choose delicate accessories over big and bold. Nothing wrong w big accessories, some can pull them off but they just add to what hardness i have about me so i look overdone, kwim?

Concurrently, i'm also working on my bedroom. Initially i'd chosen black, grey and silver as my colours (i love black,lol) but i am now finding it stark and really rather male and not nurturing as i want my bedroom to be. I dont like chintz or paisley or pink and it seems feminine bedrooms or romantic one must be one of these. If anyone has suggestions or images i'd really appreciate it.

In time i'll work on other aspects, such as navigating work as feminine but not silly or giggly or annoying girly-girl (all behaviours that i refer to as 'pink' in my head). Do you ladies mind sharing your individual approaches to being more feminine? Thanks ladies.

So many posts to thank but on the app every thank means having to start at the top of the pg and that is super-annoying. Thank you to everyone who has posted and shared in this thread.

Sent from my GT-I8190 using LHCF

 

[Kimbosheart]

Do you mind sharing your outline? Thanks.

I have known for a long time that my energy is more masculine. For years i blamed my experiences with men and women on my body - i'm tall and slim, no boobs to speak of. Men generally never felt protective of me and women tended to either love me or hate me. With men i figured it was cos i'm not petite and just accepted it.
When i started reading about femininity is when i realised that i tend to go for the protection offered by being the hard, abrasive female, always ready with a come-back.
I want to change that.
I'm starting with my wardrobe - more dresses and well-cut pants and fewer oversized baggy outfits.
Softer colours (though i absolutely loathe pink) and accessories
..i'm learning to keep black to a minimum and choose delicate accessories over big and bold. Nothing wrong w big accessories, some can pull them off but they just add to what hardness i have about me so i look overdone, kwim?

Concurrently, i'm also working on my bedroom. Initially i'd chosen black, grey and silver as my colours (i love black,lol) but i am now finding it stark and really rather male and not nurturing as i want my bedroom to be. I dont like chintz or paisley or pink and it seems feminine bedrooms or romantic one must be one of these. If anyone has suggestions or images i'd really appreciate it.

In time i'll work on other aspects, such as navigating work as feminine but not silly or giggly or annoying girly-girl (all behaviours that i refer to as 'pink' in my head). Do you ladies mind sharing your individual approaches to being more feminine? Thanks ladies.

So many posts to thank but on the app every thank means having to start at the top of the pg and that is super-annoying. Thank you to everyone who has posted and shared in this thread.

Sent from my GT-I8190 using LHCF

I love black and I'm tall and slim. LittleGoldenLamb mentions it's not about beauty of physicality. I think thats a good message. You can wear and decorate in black. Just experiment with textures. I bet men would go crazy for that because the color scheme appeals to them but the textures would make them want to touch. Wear like a black silk blouse with leather jeggings. I think I have that outfit actually. I like to wear wild shoes so I'm usually in head to toe black so I can be lazy about color matching. So off topic but just thought I'd share.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Here's my take. I'm not reading all of the books per se, and I don't own them all. Just kind of going off descriptions and things that have been recommended Feel free to add to it and make suggestions.

A: Feminine Essence- Human and physical feminine energy, what we are born with as women.
B: Feminine Attitude- The power of attraction, seduction and sensuality. Using our essence to experience the power and control in our lives.
C: Feminine Expression- Expressing our essence in our personal style, interactions with others and our relationships.
D: Spirituality - Using the human element to connect with our higher energy.


A. Feminine Essence:

Suggested Reading- Powerful and Feminine; Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts

Suggested Practices- Powerful and Feminine Workbook; Belly Dancing YouTube Videos; Study of role models or woman I admire.

B. Feminine Attitude

Suggested Reading - Simply Irresistible, Sex Secrets of the American Geisha, Seductress

Suggested Practices - Salsa Dancing, Super Date Nights.

C. Feminine Expression

Suggested Reading - Fascinating Womanhood (1963); What Would Audrey Do, Grace Kelly book (can't think of the title); Mama Gena's owners guide to men

Suggested Practices- Make-up lesson, personalized stationary, FW online course

D. Feminine Spirituality

Suggested Reading- Outrageous Openness; May Cause Miracles; Healing Love through Tao and cultivating female sexual energy.

Suggested Practices- Jade Eggs, Coloring

 

[RegaLady]

Here's my take. I'm not reading all of the books per se, and I don't own them all. Just kind of going off descriptions and things that have been recommended Feel free to add to it and make suggestions.

A: Feminine Essence- Human and physical feminine energy, what we are born with as women.
B: Feminine Attitude- The power of attraction, seduction and sensuality. Using our essence to experience the power and control in our lives.
C: Feminine Expression- Expressing our essence in our personal style, interactions with others and our relationships.
D: Spirituality - Using the human element to connect with our higher energy.


A. Feminine Essence:

Suggested Reading- Powerful and Feminine; Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts

Suggested Practices- Powerful and Feminine Workbook; Belly Dancing YouTube Videos; Study of role models or woman I admire.

B. Feminine Attitude

Suggested Reading - Simply Irresistible, Sex Secrets of the American Geisha, Seductress

Suggested Practices - Salsa Dancing, Super Date Nights.

C. Feminine Expression

Suggested Reading - Fascinating Womanhood (1963); What Would Audrey Do, Grace Kelly book (can't think of the title); Mama Gena's owners guide to men

Suggested Practices- Make-up lesson, personalized stationary, FW online course

D. Feminine Spirituality

Suggested Reading- Outrageous Openness; May Cause Miracles; Healing Love through Tao and cultivating female sexual energy.

Suggested Practices- Jade Eggs, Coloring

@ the red bolded. I like that one

GREAT List! I will be reading all of these!

 

[RegaLady]

I am finding it a challenge to remain in my body. I have realized it is almost impossible to be present in your body if you live in your head( constantly thinking, worried about the past or anxious about the future). So meditation seems to be what I am going to need to do more of.

 

[RegaLady]

Do you mind sharing your outline? Thanks.

I have known for a long time that my energy is more masculine. For years i blamed my experiences with men and women on my body - i'm tall and slim, no boobs to speak of. Men generally never felt protective of me and women tended to either love me or hate me. With men i figured it was cos i'm not petite and just accepted it.
When i started reading about femininity is when i realised that i tend to go for the protection offered by being the hard, abrasive female, always ready with a come-back.
I want to change that.
I'm starting with my wardrobe - more dresses and well-cut pants and fewer oversized baggy outfits.
Softer colours (though i absolutely loathe pink) and accessories
..i'm learning to keep black to a minimum and choose delicate accessories over big and bold. Nothing wrong w big accessories, some can pull them off but they just add to what hardness i have about me so i look overdone, kwim?


Sent from my GT-I8190 using LHCF

I am glad you wrote this. As much of a woman and girly girl as I am, when I got dressed up in the glitz and glamour and makeup, I had always felt something was lack luster. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It wasn't until reading feminine topic books, and getting into dancing, doing research of cultivating femininity, I realized what it was.

I am saying all this to say, dressing up and looking good is great, but these ladies are one point when they said it is something that comes from inside. Wearing dresses and putting on makeup alone doesn't make a woman feminine. It is hard to describe, but after reading and being more alert, my perception is open. It also becomes a bit clearer why some women who are deemed "unattractive" to other women, have men eating out the palm of their hands lol.

 

[FemmeFatale]

So I just found this on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/SensualitySecrets?feature=watch
I'm checking out her videos now and so far I like them.

 

[Kimbosheart]

@ the red bolded. I like that one

GREAT List! I will be reading all of these!

IJS. Safely and in a loving committed relationship or something like that.

I love coloring. I read the TOC for that healing female sexual energy book and I'd feel just selfish if I didn't put that knowledge to use. ;-)

 

[FemmeFatale]

IJS. Safely and in a loving committed relationship or something like that.

I love coloring. I read the TOC for that healing female sexual energy book and I'd feel just selfish if I didn't put that knowledge to use. ;-)

Yes that book is amazing

 

[Enyo]

Yes that book is amazing

I read that a few years ago and wasn't really feeling it. I think I just wasn't in the right state of mind. I may try again.