Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

I've always had a lot of sexual energy, but I'd say that it was more masculine energy, not feminine energy. It wasn't until recently that I was able to connect to my feminine power. I can't get enough of it!

Prior to finding this energy that was trapped inside of me, I attracted soft men, the ones you might question if they were gay or not. A few of them came out of the closet years later. They were picking up on my masculine energy that I was unknowingly emitting. :-/
 
TracyNicole said:
1) I started treating myself better. DH noticed and the quality of our relationship began to improve. We started talking more and yelling less.

2) I started to care for my home more. DH started coming home earlier. He makes comments about enjoying being at home and relaxing.

3) I started preparing meals again. DH told me that he felt neglected and punished when I stopped cooking. There may be something to that saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

4) I stopped pestering DH about chores. STOP. I know some women are automatically going to say if we both work we both clean but let me tell you this. I started doing it all by myself without complaining. Within a few months, I had the help I spent 3 long years screaming for. DH also came home one evening with suggestions for how to lighten the burden of housework.

5) I started reading the off topic forum more and came across a thread on the book Fascinating Womanhood. That book changed my life tremendously in the last 14 months. It spurred me to start participating in similar threads on here and to start reading more on the topic of femininity, seductiveness and the art of love.

DH actually came out and told me he respects and appreciates my efforts. He admitted that he didn't realize how much I had on my plate. Then he took actions and made adjustments that allowed us to have the kind of marriage we both want. I will not tell a lie- my marriage is not perfect and I can admit that. It takes work but I can tell you it feels worthwhile. But, I am so much happier.

I wish my mother had taught me the things I know now. I come from a long line of women who did it all on their own and didn't know how to teach me that women can rule their homes with a fist of iron...if it's encased in a velvet glove. You can try to force a man to bend to your will, but in my experience it has been much easier to treat myself well. It's less about games and manipulation and more about getting men to see you as a woman with high value. That's what motivates men (yes I know not all but the one's I would want) to treat women well.

I listen to my husband talking to our new friends and realize that as our lives have changed in the last 2 years, we have new friends who have many of the same values. Some of the women work full time, part time or not all but one thing in common is that they are all well kept up and feminine. I hope this helps someone today. I'll leave this edited version up. Let's play nice!
Click to expand...

I'd always considered myself well versed in things related to femininity and taking care of my husband but reading Fascinating Womanhood completely changed my life and marriage... :yep: I don't recommend it often because most women I run into just can't handle the values shared in the book.
 
I love this thread. I've been told that I have a strong feminine energy. I want to become more aware of it and how to control it. I've noticed I'm having a few issues because I've switched job functions a bit so I'd like to be in more control of what I have.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
TracyNicole said:
That's why we have to work on building strong personal circles filled with genuine women. In fact it was my research into the very idea of feminine graciousness that convinced me to stop trying to save angry women. They don't want to be saved. They want you to be miserable and bitter too. That is why you see women giving their "girlfriends" advice they would never ever follow through with. I'm open to sharing with others but not to squandering my energy on those with poor intentions. I am sorry if that comes off as fear to you...for me it's the wisdom to know which battles are worth fighting. I will leave up an edited version to contribute but there is still plenty of great, positive information in this thread:)
Click to expand...

:yep: Some women are stuck in their ways, you can't help them and if you don't watch it they will make you just as sad and miserable as them. That's why it is good to have a group of women come together to help each other without the judging and the superiority complexes.

BK Bombshell said:
First, thanks for sharing your story!

I didn't read Enyo's statement that way. I interpreted it this way: there's sometimes a tendency on this board to use people's personal stories against them in other threads. It's created a climate of mistrust where people are withholding information that could be useful to other women for fear of being judged later. I've seen it in many of these types of threads where, IMO, someone comes in with the sole purpose of making women seeking help/advice feel inadequate by saying that these things can't be taught, etc.

ITA agree with you about not squandering my energy on people with poor intentions or negative attitudes. Ever since I've adopted that policy, I'm a lot happier.
Click to expand...

:yep::yep::yep: Your energy is VERY valuable. Always put your time and energy on things that will improve your well-being. Leave the negative out of your life. It took my awhile to take this advice seriously but when I did my reality changed for the better.
 
NijaG said:
Great topic.

I have always been interested in this subject (feminine energy/power) coupled with spirituality, LOA, etc. I've read lightly on these topics but never really focused or practiced with deliberate intent.

I've had issues in my past that blocked me. A few yrs back, I worked on some of these issues, but I think there are still some areas when it comes to male-female dynamics and individual power I need to resolve.

I'm about to start reading and working through the book "Calling in The One" which I learned about on this forum. I'm definitely going to look for and save some of the free books from the lists suggested.
Click to expand...

I know where you're coming from. I've done alot of healing in the past few years. I still have some issues to work through but I'm proud of my progress. I'm so happy when women decide to work on themselves. It can sometimes be difficult but it's necessary. Everything starts with the individual first.

NijaG said:
On the topic of feminine energy/sexuality/power, I think one of the reasons knowledge is so fractured and piece-meal is because society in general are somewhat afraid of it's full power.

Many societies intentionally or unintentionally create groups/segments off women to splinter off the feminine energy in ways (via spoken or unspoken rules) that is easily manageable for that society in whatever time period or place.

Anyway, I hope I'm making sense. My thought on this topic are not fully formed as I've much I'd like to read and learn.
Click to expand...

You hit the nail on the head!!! This is pretty much the root cause that has brought upon this dysfunction and confusion that we see today. Patriarchal religion, the enforcer of this fear of the feminine, would have to be questioned to find out why this fear even came to be.
 
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Just a note: "Religion" in and of itself is not necessarily the end all, be all evil to women living in the feminine. (No one is saying that, but that sentiment pops up in related threads.)

I can only speak for my own faith, but it is the bastardizing, politicizing, and FALSE teaching of Christianity (including the usual, often noted changes made in English translations of the Bible by men, in regards to women) done by men, many of which did not even believe in it, but wanted to control the stake it was given in past empires --which it should not have even had. (It was forced by a non-believing politician often lauded as a hero historically, in the faith, but that's another thread). Sadly, this was reinforced by broken women --and society suffered as a whole and continues to in the West and Near East.

Also, texts have to be examined in the whole. Cherry picking a verse that sounds detrimental and dangerous towards women and then ignoring the context, the full situation surrounding it, the ten verses 200 pages later that explain it, why things no longer need to be that way, shouldn't have ever been that way, and that it wasn't the initial way God wanted things to be causes confusion. Usually, the laws people tend to bring up were made by and given to men (if divinely) because they didn't want to play by the original rule of loving their wives as themselves --which would have saved a lot of paper and time for Humanity and God.

My Faith actually led me to understanding that I MUST reclaim my full femininity to, in fact, serve as a should as woman, friend, daughter, warrior, future mother, wife, unabashed lover, and in-law.

It wasn't an option! As a Christian woman I MUST live fully in the feminine --and accepting the faux, puritanical, patriarchal view that did not match up with women's intended purpose wasn't going to cut it, which led to deep study of original texts (tedious if you don't love it, but a must!) for me, personally.

Ironically, to some, some of the best lessons about being feminine are in the Bible and no --I'm not talking about the often trotted out "Submit to your husbands," line. I'm not even talking about the Song of Songs/Solomon. There are women to watch and learn from that do not get enough press --Deborah, anyone?

Again, I do not mean to derail the thread, and I will try to make this my last post on this topic, I truly will!!

I, personally, have found that when looking for something to blame/inspect/consider that "religion" wasn't a great scapegoat when viewed as it is to be, not the way men have made it out to be.

What I do wonder is why we --women alike, whatever you believe or don't, I'm not here to make judgments-- continue to take it. THAT is the thing that most concerns me. Societies CAN by changed and do change constantly. It's a matter of changing in a way better for women, so they can more easily live the Full Feminine.

I love this thread and the previous one. Thank you Enyo for starting it and being firm (yet, polite!) in your drive to protect this effort from negativity!

We DO need to find out inner Neo!
 
NijaG said:
On the topic of feminine energy/sexuality/power, I think one of the reasons knowledge is so fractured and piece-meal is because society in general are somewhat afraid of it's full power.

Many societies intentionally or unintentionally create groups/segments off women to splinter off the feminine energy in ways (via spoken or unspoken rules) that is easily manageable for that society in whatever time period or place.

Anyway, I hope I'm making sense. My thought on this topic are not fully formed as I've much I'd like to read and learn.
Click to expand...

I have always wondered if it it is a large symptom of a group of individuals with power, which are often men, wanting to stay in power --as people in power tend to want to-- subconsciously breaking down ANY thing that could lead to their being overthrown. Strong, feminine women raise strong, masculine --thinking-- men. Men like that are the kind that will and can rally together to overthrow you for the good of their women and children --gladly.

However, if you give the men that aren't as powerful as you someone else to rule over, and let pride take its course --SHAZAAM- -women and children, or a particular race, or class make the men under the elites not feel as truly "bottom" as they are, and are usually that subjugated group.

It's probably not that cut and dry. Just a thought. Women have a powerful effect on men, and people who are in power and stay in power pay attention to where it comes from in ALL areas of life.
 
CarLiTa said:
Any visual examples of sensuous/feminine women?
Click to expand...

I personally look back to "old Hollywood" for those women as well as modern women who follow the classic model of femininity (Dita Von Teese, etc.).

This is a good opportunity to share that we have to be careful when we look at other women for examples. Using my friend Violette, the courtesan from the first thread, I will admit that reading about her was a little bit hard for me in terms of seeing how her beauty and sensuality was such a benefit to her.
Spoilers for "Island Beneath the Sea". Highlight to see.
​

Even though she starts of as a prostitute, the reason she's so successful is that she is both very beautiful and very well-trained. After one night with a white military officer, he falls in love with her and declares that he will marry her. Though it a few years (they maintain a friendship the whole time) he finally does so, lifting her out of prostitution to a more respectable life. Still, she is known for her great beauty and grace the rest of the novel, and it helps her in a few other endeavors. I know it's a bit of a "Pretty Woman" type thing, but still.

I tend not to be a jealous person, but I'm prone to depression which causes self-esteem issues. I have to admit that I do get sad that I don't have the same power. I'm well aware I can be charming and I'm pleasant looking, but reading about successful courtesans can make me feel like I'm not functioning at full capacity. I urge any woman who is like me to keep everything in perspective, especially when you're reading about fictional characters. You are not a failure because your charms and powers can't create fairytale endings.
 
I have been practicing the art of being sensual and more feminine and I have to say, so far, REALLY good. Normally, I find reasons to counter compliments and it ended up making the gentlemen in my life, feel awkward (and myself as well) and I stopped. It really feels good to just accept them kindly.

Also, a particular gentleman always offers to do things around my apartment and I brush him off. Saturday, he told me he wanted to bring me food since I was hungry. I accepted without trying to let him know it was cold out and it was late. He also hung up some paintings for me yesterday, replaced the battery in my fire detector and is planning on recaulking my tub. You would think I agreed to marry him. Men really feel good, when we graciously allow them to do things for us. It makes them feel wanted and like you you trust them to protect and take care of you.

I have been taking more time to care for myself. I feel so delicious. It is hard to explain. My apartment is coming along. I have been adding more feminine touches. The paintings in my living room have made me feel so happy each time I walk by. I got a very, sexy throw for my couch. More throw pillows. A few more trips to Bed Bath & Beyond and I will feel divine. I. LOVE. BEING. A. WOMAN! :D

Thank you for all of the tips shared.

ETA: I went to Shutterfly and printed out a ton of pics from my FB page. I am going to remove most of the pics in the frame and add news ones as well as buy new frames. I cannot wait for my pics to come!
 
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Enyo said:
I personally look back to "old Hollywood" for those women as well as modern women who follow the classic model of femininity (Dita Von Teese, etc.).

This is a good opportunity to share that we have to be careful when we look at other women for examples. Using my friend Violette, the courtesan from the first thread, I will admit that reading about her was a little bit hard for me in terms of seeing how her beauty and sensuality was such a benefit to her.
Spoilers for "Island Beneath the Sea". Highlight to see.
​

Even though she starts of as a prostitute, the reason she's so successful is that she is both very beautiful and very well-trained. After one night with a white military officer, he falls in love with her and declares that he will marry her. Though it a few years (they maintain a friendship the whole time) he finally does so, lifting her out of prostitution to a more respectable life. Still, she is known for her great beauty and grace the rest of the novel, and it helps her in a few other endeavors. I know it's a bit of a "Pretty Woman" type thing, but still.

I tend not to be a jealous person, but I'm prone to depression which causes self-esteem issues. I have to admit that I do get sad that I don't have the same power. I'm well aware I can be charming and I'm pleasant looking, but reading about successful courtesans can make me feel like I'm not functioning at full capacity. I urge any woman who is like me to keep everything in perspective, especially when you're reading about fictional characters. You are not a failure because your charms and powers can't create fairytale endings.
Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing this. I believe it is particularly important for Black women, because along your femininity journey you will be presented with much "long, flowing, blonde hair" and many "porcelain" or "alabaster" complexions, "doll eyes," and the like when shown "feminine imagery" or you will see stereotypical depictions of Oiran (mistaken for Geisha) or Geisha.

In other words, not a lot of "our" diverse forms of beauty will be featured or upheld.

I wrote a lengthy post months ago, breaking down exactly how beauty and femininity are NOT as linked as people think they are.

Beauty is a part of womanhood, and NOT femininity IMHO. Femininity encompasses Womanhood.

Femininity is essential to Womanhood (In other words: It Does The Dang Thang!), I have see in my own life and in the easy-and-good lives, hard lives, and hard-and-good lives of "not pretty" women, this is true.

We tend to get off track, I think, and (can possibly) harm ourselves when beauty is not kept within it proper, small realm within the overall feminine. Particularly as WOC.

There are drop-dead-gorgeous women that are more masculine than many men could ever hope to be. :look:


ETA: To be more clear.
 
Last edited:
Loving this thread! I am finishing up Power and Feminity (I think that is the title) and it is such a great book. I have work to do!
 
LittleGoldenLamb said:
Thank you for sharing this. I believe it is particularly important for Black women, because along your femininity journey you will be presented with much "long, flowing, blonde hair" and many "porcelain" or "alabaster" complexions, "doll eyes," and the like when shown "feminine imagery" or you will see stereotypical depictions of Oiran (mistaken for Geisha) or Geisha.

In other words, not a lot of "our" diverse forms of beauty will be featured or upheld.

I wrote a lengthy post months ago, breaking down exactly how beauty and femininity are NOT as linked as people think they are.

Beauty is a part of womanhood, and NOT femininity IMHO. Femininity encompasses Womanhood.

Femininity is essential to Womanhood (In other words: It Does The Dang Thang!), I have see in my own life and in the easy-and-good lives, hard lives, and hard-and-good lives of "not pretty" women, this is true.

We tend to get off track, I think, and (can possibly) harm ourselves when beauty is not kept within it proper, small realm within the overall feminine. Particularly as WOC.

There are drop-dead-gorgeous women that are more masculine than many men could ever hope to be. :look:


ETA: To be more clear.
Click to expand...

Because Thanks wasn't enough :yep::yep:. This was a big one for me. When I was younger I was heavy into the Asian culture (manga, anime, etc.) We all know their ideal of beauty (long black hair, pale skin, big eyes) well I didn't quite look like that :lol:. Then of course you have the white standard of beauty (blond hair, blue eyes, super skinny) I didn't look like that either :lol:. Then the Black standard of beauty, my Southern culture's ideal ("good" hair, light skin "yellow bone" and light eyes) I didn't make the cut there either :spinning::lol:. This really affected me throughout my middle/high school years. I was tomboyish and had very masculine mannerisms. Funny thing was I had no problems attracting boys, I was(am) pretty; it was just the way I seen myself that was the problem, my self-esteem was shot.

Society will have you believing that your femininity and self-worth is based on your looks and if you don't meet the ideal standards than your worth is less than the woman that does meet the standard. Don't fall for it!!
 
I stumbled across this website earlier today. It's an etiquette site authored by a black woman named Sabrina Cobb. I'm kinda feeling these table setting products she has for kids. Though I have no idea why they cost so much. You could easily make them with a fabric pen or sharpies and stuff you already own.

Heck, I'm always kinda awkward at my husbands business functions because the table setting confuses me.:perplexed

Ya know...I think I'll work on my table skills for Valentine's Day!
 
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I am all over this thread. Thanks for the book links ladies!!!! I'm all about improving me this year and this is going to take me to another level of femininity.

ETA: I have 2 daughters and I want all this to come natural to them.
 
Last edited:
topnotch1010 said:
I've always had a lot of sexual energy, but I'd say that it was more masculine energy, not feminine energy. It wasn't until recently that I was able to connect to my feminine power. I can't get enough of it!

Prior to finding this energy that was trapped inside of me, I attracted soft men, the ones you might question if they were gay or not. A few of them came out of the closet years later. They were picking up on my masculine energy that I was unknowingly emitting. :-/
Click to expand...

Do you mind sharinh what helped you change your energy?

Sent from my GT-I8190 using LHCF
 
So many books to read. I don't have enough time in the day.

I am very grateful to the women in my family who would not let me play with the boys. I had to stay clean and decently dressed. The ladies in our family all have long hair, fuss over weight and fanatically keep their complexions clear and youthful. I had lots of lessons on manners, posture and how to speak. My dad and the other men reinforced this with us girls. If ever we wanted new clothes we knew the trick was to wear something old and worn out around our grandparents who would fuss at our parents until we were taken to the mall for a new outfit. There were chores I was never allowed to do. It was a bit restrictive at times. I'm not at all athletic now. But looking back I loved what it taught be about patience, safety and love. I think for me that's why certain things flow for me. My family gave me a safe environment to be completely feminine in.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
LittleGoldenLamb said:
Just a note: "Religion" in and of itself is not necessarily the end all, be all evil to women living in the feminine. (No one is saying that, but that sentiment pops up in related threads.)

I can only speak for my own faith, but it is the bastardizing, politicizing, and FALSE teaching of Christianity (including the usual, often noted changes made in English translations of the Bible by men, in regards to women) done by men, many of which did not even believe in it, but wanted to control the stake it was given in past empires --which it should not have even had. (It was forced by a non-believing politician often lauded as a hero historically, in the faith, but that's another thread). Sadly, this was reinforced by broken women --and society suffered as a whole and continues to in the West and Near East.

Also, texts have to be examined in the whole. Cherry picking a verse that sounds detrimental and dangerous towards women and then ignoring the context, the full situation surrounding it, the ten verses 200 pages later that explain it, why things no longer need to be that way, shouldn't have ever been that way, and that it wasn't the initial way God wanted things to be causes confusion. Usually, the laws people tend to bring up were made by and given to men (if divinely) because they didn't want to play by the original rule of loving their wives as themselves --which would have saved a lot of paper and time for Humanity and God.

My Faith actually led me to understanding that I MUST reclaim my full femininity to, in fact, serve as a should as woman, friend, daughter, warrior, future mother, wife, unabashed lover, and in-law.

It wasn't an option! As a Christian woman I MUST live fully in the feminine --and accepting the faux, puritanical, patriarchal view that did not match up with women's intended purpose wasn't going to cut it, which led to deep study of original texts (tedious if you don't love it, but a must!) for me, personally.

Ironically, to some, some of the best lessons about being feminine are in the Bible and no --I'm not talking about the often trotted out "Submit to your husbands," line. I'm not even talking about the Song of Songs/Solomon. There are women to watch and learn from that do not get enough press --Deborah, anyone?

Again, I do not mean to derail the thread, and I will try to make this my last post on this topic, I truly will!!

I, personally, have found that when looking for something to blame/inspect/consider that "religion" wasn't a great scapegoat when viewed as it is to be, not the way men have made it out to be.

What I do wonder is why we --women alike, whatever you believe or don't, I'm not here to make judgments-- continue to take it. THAT is the thing that most concerns me. Societies CAN by changed and do change constantly. It's a matter of changing in a way better for women, so they can more easily live the Full Feminine.

I love this thread and the previous one. Thank you @Enyo for starting it and being firm (yet, polite!) in your drive to protect this effort from negativity!

We DO need to find out inner Neo!
Click to expand...

@LittleGoldenLamb

Have you ever read THE RED TENT. I love that book, its the epitome of femininity. I love it, I think its based on the first testament.
 
TracyNicole said:
1) I started treating myself better. DH noticed and the quality of our relationship began to improve. We started talking more and yelling less.

2) I started to care for my home more. DH started coming home earlier. He makes comments about enjoying being at home and relaxing.

3) I started preparing meals again. DH told me that he felt neglected and punished when I stopped cooking. There may be something to that saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

4) I stopped pestering DH about chores. STOP. I know some women are automatically going to say if we both work we both clean but let me tell you this. I started doing it all by myself without complaining. Within a few months, I had the help I spent 3 long years screaming for. DH also came home one evening with suggestions for how to lighten the burden of housework.

5) I started reading the off topic forum more and came across a thread on the book Fascinating Womanhood. That book changed my life tremendously in the last 14 months. It spurred me to start participating in similar threads on here and to start reading more on the topic of femininity, seductiveness and the art of love.

DH actually came out and told me he respects and appreciates my efforts. He admitted that he didn't realize how much I had on my plate. Then he took actions and made adjustments that allowed us to have the kind of marriage we both want. I will not tell a lie- my marriage is not perfect and I can admit that. It takes work but I can tell you it feels worthwhile. But, I am so much happier.

I wish my mother had taught me the things I know now. I come from a long line of women who did it all on their own and didn't know how to teach me that women can rule their homes with a fist of iron...if it's encased in a velvet glove. You can try to force a man to bend to your will, but in my experience it has been much easier to treat myself well. It's less about games and manipulation and more about getting men to see you as a woman with high value. That's what motivates men (yes I know not all but the one's I would want) to treat women well.

I listen to my husband talking to our new friends and realize that as our lives have changed in the last 2 years, we have new friends who have many of the same values. Some of the women work full time, part time or not all but one thing in common is that they are all well kept up and feminine. I hope this helps someone today. I'll leave this edited version up. Let's play nice!
Click to expand...

As someone who promotes all of these things and Fascinating womanhood, I'm so happy it worked for you. I keep telling people, you will see amazing things by implementing these small but effective changes:yep:
 
LittleGoldenLamb said:
Thank you for sharing this. I believe it is particularly important for Black women, because along your femininity journey you will be presented with much "long, flowing, blonde hair" and many "porcelain" or "alabaster" complexions, "doll eyes," and the like when shown "feminine imagery" or you will see stereotypical depictions of Oiran (mistaken for Geisha) or Geisha.

In other words, not a lot of "our" diverse forms of beauty will be featured or upheld.

I wrote a lengthy post months ago, breaking down exactly how beauty and femininity are NOT as linked as people think they are.

Beauty is a part of womanhood, and NOT femininity IMHO. Femininity encompasses Womanhood.

Femininity is essential to Womanhood (In other words: It Does The Dang Thang!), I have see in my own life and in the easy-and-good lives, hard lives, and hard-and-good lives of "not pretty" women, this is true.

We tend to get off track, I think, and (can possibly) harm ourselves when beauty is not kept within it proper, small realm within the overall feminine. Particularly as WOC.

There are drop-dead-gorgeous women that are more masculine than many men could ever hope to be. :look:


ETA: To be more clear.
Click to expand...

Thanks for saying this. ITA. I also think it's important for BW to recognize this as I believe we've lost a great deal of our femininity over the years.
 
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