All of the ones I bolded up thread ETA:
The Art of Seduction
Powerful and Feminine
Simply Irresistible
For Woman Only: What You Need To Know About the Inner Lives of Men
Sex Secrets
Fascinating Womanhood
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Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)
- Thread starter Enyo
- Start date
All of the ones I bolded up thread ETA:
The Art of Seduction
Powerful and Feminine
Simply Irresistible
For Woman Only: What You Need To Know About the Inner Lives of Men
Sex Secrets
Fascinating Womanhood
Well, I wasn't really trying to answer your question. I was just pointing out that it's not just about the superficial things. To me, femininity is almost all nuanced. It should as much a part of you as your fingernails or your voice. It's something that's totally present but hard to describe. More like an experience, I guess, know what I mean? Also femininity isn't everything at once. We use different parts when we need them. I've yet to see a woman who was everything at once.
Some of my favorite Old Hollywood Moments:
Bette Davis in Jezebel. She acts like a stubborn child, but she's perfectly aware of what she's doing to the man and to the greater society - and she likes it. Poor guy doesn't have a clue as to what just went on. He thinks he's put her in her place. Spoiler: She wears the red dress.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASNO9QuKLj0
Lena Horne. Very fun without being shuck and jive. Look at the perfect carriage of her arms and hands.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLwREAX4d2A
Liz Taylor in Cleopatra (first clip). You. Will. Kneel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOathC56zFk
Dorothy Dandridge in Carmen Jones. Best body language every. Sorry about the quality, but it was the only video I could find.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO5udGCZ3Yo
I see it, but can you point out why this body language is feminine?
Enyo
Well-Known Member
It goes back to what I was trying to say before. Sometimes you just know it when you see it, and personally, I can totally see it. Maybe someone else can come up with words for it.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
I think instead of just mimicking what we see in movies and videos we need to fully grasp te concept of sensuality and being feminine. The powerful and feminine book explains it very well and teaches us how to cultivate that energy.
BK Bombshell
Well-Known Member
I am having trouble looking to old Hollywood for feminine inspiration. At least, I don't feel very excited to do so. First, I don't see many who look like me. Second, it seems like a boxed/cookie-cutter version of femininity: dresses, make up, wavy hair, red lipstick, whatever.
I'm looking for some more... holistic... inspiration. Women who are feminine + are leaders + (still figuring it out)
I want to look up to women who navigate both male and female spaces well... NOT the women who are viewed simply as an object of admiration in male spaces. I want to be looked at as a lovely woman, but I also need men to LISTEN to me once I open my mouth.
Got any examples of those types?
CarLiTa
You probably won't find many examples of old Hollywood women who look like you because, for the most part, they don't exist. Blacks in Hollywood just didn't have many of those roles. I'm a lover of old movies and I've been racking my brain. I'll keep looking, but Carmen Jones is the only one that I can think of.
It might be more helpful to look for examples of behaviors you'd like to emulate from a variety of sources. Film noir is filled with women who are admired and get what they want. (I don't suggest using your powers for evil though.
) Some examples are "The Postman Always Rings Twice" (the remake with Kathleen Turner is also good); Gilda; Double Indemnity.A fairly modern Black woman character that's extremely feminine is Claire Huxtable. She was gorgeous, smart and she definitely commanded attention.
As LittleGoldenLamb pointed out, you don't have to have wavy hair or red lips to be feminine. It only helps if it helps YOU feel more feminine. I see plenty of women dressed in the modern "cookie cutter" version: extreme hair, makeup, etc. (I'm not against either btw; there's a place and time for everything), but they don't come across as feminine AT ALL. It feels like a performance.
Femininity is from the inside out. The external is icing.
Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
Last night I was on the phone with a guy friend and we were talking about men and women. He said, "You know what I like about you? Not only are you sexy, you have a seductive sensuality about you many women nowadays just don't have." I immediately thought of this thread. 
That was thee best compliment EVER!
I don't remember who mentioned hula-hooping and bellydancing either in this thread or the original thread but finding an exercise that makes you fluid is essential. The last month and change taking kizomba has made my gait more sensual. I notice the way I hold my arms, the way I sit, the way I rise is just more delicious, LOL!
That was thee best compliment EVER! I don't remember who mentioned hula-hooping and bellydancing either in this thread or the original thread but finding an exercise that makes you fluid is essential. The last month and change taking kizomba has made my gait more sensual. I notice the way I hold my arms, the way I sit, the way I rise is just more delicious, LOL!
The way a truly feminine woman walks and speaks is just very different. They are softer, a bit demure, they don't speak loudly or with lots of hand motions, they aren't self conscious, they own their bodies good or bad. They walk with their lower bodies, I don't mean sashay but confident men typically walk with their shoulders, "swag" as a man would and the opposite of that is how a confident feminine woman would walk.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
CarLiTa, I don't think you need to look to Old Hollywood. Black women in general were more feminine 40 and 50 years ago. Some more modern day examples I think are Whitley Gilbert, Claire Huxtable, Hilary from Fresh Prince, Regina from Steve Harvey, Holly Robinson on Hanging with Mr. Cooper, Nia Long in Love Jones, Lisa from Coming to America, Regine on Living Single, Robin Givens in Boomerang, Aaliyah in darn near anything, Kerry Washington on Scandal, etc
Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
tatiana
Well-Known Member
Last night I was on the phone with a guy friend and we were talking about men and women. He said, "You know what I like about you? Not only are you sexy, you have a seductive sensuality about you many women nowadays just don't have." I immediately thought of this thread.
I don't remember who mentioned hula-hooping and bellydancing either in this thread or the original thread but finding an exercise that makes you fluid is essential. The last month and change taking kizomba has made my gait more sensual. I notice the way I hold my arms, the way I sit, the way I rise is just more delicious, LOL!
People think being sexy is the same thing as being sensuous; there are two totally seperate things. Women think wearing no to little clothing is sensuous and it is not. Sometimes it is even not sexy.
This is so true. Most of us can look at older women in our families and old pictures and see this.
I think we lost our femininity when the family dynamics shifted and many of us became the head of households.
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
Thanks ladies! LittleGoldenLamb, Enyo, BK Bombshell, Kimbosheart.
I like your suggestions and will look into them
I am not looking for someone to emulate at all lol, but because part of relaying sensuality is in movement, I want to see said movement, not just read about it, you know?
I actually do feel pretty sensuous and have been told that I am graceful, but I don't have full awareness and control over it, as a few women mentioned above. There are times when I purposely put it on and it works, and there are times I put it on, and it's a flop lol.
I like your suggestions and will look into them
I am not looking for someone to emulate at all lol, but because part of relaying sensuality is in movement, I want to see said movement, not just read about it, you know?I actually do feel pretty sensuous and have been told that I am graceful, but I don't have full awareness and control over it, as a few women mentioned above. There are times when I purposely put it on and it works, and there are times I put it on, and it's a flop lol.
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
Oops, I wrote my last post over an hour ago and never clicked send. Just saw this one. Thanks for these examples!!
I am really liking Claire Huxtable and Nia Long. I think I can identify with their characters the most (out of the ones I recognize from your list), because their characters seemed to have quieter spirits, which I think is more like me. Looking forward to exploring!! thanks
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
This. Which is why it's important to read the books recommended.
Kimbosheart
Well-Known Member
RegaLady,
It's hard to say. I am ridiculously in tune with my body and my core strength. Still to this day. I haven't danced regularly in years but I still have the muscle tone in my legs. Ballet is brutal and it can give some people negative body image but for me it keeps me in love with my strong stallion legs and big ole feet. They can do amazing things. I moved around quite a bit as a child and ballet was my constant. My mother also made certain that I had black dancers to look up to in my life. I'm tall and long and lean naturally and classical ballet seemed to suit my build so it was a natural fit. Ballet is good for everybody but your DD might be a better fit for another type of dance, or even a style of ballet cheorography. She will get the benefit of the fundamentals that classical ballet lessons give. My grandma and my mother were dancers too so it's a family connection for me.
But to specifically say how has it made me more feminine, I'm not sure but I can speculate. Well, in dance you have to move with the music or the rhythm. I know people comment on my posture and grace all the time.
It's hard to say. I am ridiculously in tune with my body and my core strength. Still to this day. I haven't danced regularly in years but I still have the muscle tone in my legs. Ballet is brutal and it can give some people negative body image but for me it keeps me in love with my strong stallion legs and big ole feet. They can do amazing things. I moved around quite a bit as a child and ballet was my constant. My mother also made certain that I had black dancers to look up to in my life. I'm tall and long and lean naturally and classical ballet seemed to suit my build so it was a natural fit. Ballet is good for everybody but your DD might be a better fit for another type of dance, or even a style of ballet cheorography. She will get the benefit of the fundamentals that classical ballet lessons give. My grandma and my mother were dancers too so it's a family connection for me.
But to specifically say how has it made me more feminine, I'm not sure but I can speculate. Well, in dance you have to move with the music or the rhythm. I know people comment on my posture and grace all the time.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
Oops, I wrote my last post over an hour ago and never clicked send. Just saw this one. Thanks for these examples!!
I am really liking Claire Huxtable and Nia Long. I think I can identify with their characters the most (out of the ones I recognize from your list), because their characters seemed to have quieter spirits, which I think is more like me. Looking forward to exploring!! thanks
Yeah I think Old Hollywood is great for glamour but like you, I prefer to look to black women for femininity. I find myself looking for it now in movies and on television and it's always affirming when I find modern day examples.
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MonPetite
New Member
I'm glad this was mentioned up thread: Sexy does not equal sensuous. Period, IMHO.
My other quick thoughts:
Sensuality is innate and timeless and tied to biological markers of fecundity and self-awareness, that we are hard-wired in our DNA to notice and respond to, even if we don't realize that is what is happening. It can be consciously curtailed by deliberate actions society trains us to undertake, even if the training and actions are subconscious.
Ex. Black women being taught via osmosis to not be vulnerable/feminine for all the reasons we discuss on LHCF.
Sexiness, is tied more to biological markers of reproductive health and showing them off in socially constructed ways that change constantly
Sensuality always wins.
Sexiness is related, but you can be sensuous and not come within ten feet of your culture's standard of "sexy."
And you'll come across as far more attractive a person, inside and out, overall than someone who is sexy-for-days...but, has no sensuality because, their femininity is broken and they are relying on looks, artifice, and/or youth alone.
ETA: Any other book recs, ladies? All my go tos were already listed.
Sent from my little, golden phone. Sadly, my mentions don't work.
My other quick thoughts:
Sensuality is innate and timeless and tied to biological markers of fecundity and self-awareness, that we are hard-wired in our DNA to notice and respond to, even if we don't realize that is what is happening. It can be consciously curtailed by deliberate actions society trains us to undertake, even if the training and actions are subconscious.
Ex. Black women being taught via osmosis to not be vulnerable/feminine for all the reasons we discuss on LHCF.
Sexiness, is tied more to biological markers of reproductive health and showing them off in socially constructed ways that change constantly
Sensuality always wins.
Sexiness is related, but you can be sensuous and not come within ten feet of your culture's standard of "sexy."
And you'll come across as far more attractive a person, inside and out, overall than someone who is sexy-for-days...but, has no sensuality because, their femininity is broken and they are relying on looks, artifice, and/or youth alone.
ETA: Any other book recs, ladies? All my go tos were already listed.
Sent from my little, golden phone. Sadly, my mentions don't work.
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MonPetite
New Member
As for dance: ballet and bellydance are great; I recommend them, but don't sleep on the Waltz, or Foxtrot! I've dabbled in all of them and each offered a piece of the physical-feminity puzzle for me.
Waltz and Foxtrot added feminine "power".
Ballet added grace.
Bellydance added sensuality and confidence.
Cha Cha added brightness, and liveliness.
Sent from my little, golden phone. Sadly, my mentions don't work.
Waltz and Foxtrot added feminine "power".
Ballet added grace.
Bellydance added sensuality and confidence.
Cha Cha added brightness, and liveliness.
Sent from my little, golden phone. Sadly, my mentions don't work.
Enyo
Well-Known Member
That's part of the reason why I don't really feel the need to look for women that are duplicates of me (modern/black) in order to see examples. I used to, but after a few years, I've transitioned to just seeing women. As you said, this is an innate thing we are talking about. Yes, there are cultural differences, and some of these cultures fall against racial lines. But in the end, we are all the same sex and have the same potential and power. Just like paths to "God", there are many routes to pick from.
intergalacticartist
New Member
Ladies, do not be deterred from old Hollywood movies because you think all the women were passive. They definitely were not. There is an archetype called the "femme fetale" and they were definitely women in business who got what they wanted
Let me see if I can find some info
YES! I found a great passage
http://www.filmnoirstudies.com/essays/no_place5.asp
Let me see if I can find some info
YES! I found a great passage
http://www.filmnoirstudies.com/essays/no_place5.asp
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
Enyo
Well-Known Member
Ok, Ladies. You have been smashing so far and I'm loving this conversation. Please help me with this. As some of you may know, I've adopted an intern here that I really like. She's supposed to be mentored by my supervisor, but they often forget about her and it falls to non-management staff to take care of her. I don't mean to stereotype, but she's the archetype of the "inner city" kid: Lives in a rough area, single mom who works two jobs, bright but not exposed to a lot of things I take for granted (like knowing how to pronounced Tuscon). I want to give her some stuff to read and she said she was willing. She says she really likes books dealing with relationships. Sadly, she mentioned Twilight which I don't think is a good example.
Any suggestions for an 18 year old girl??
Any suggestions for an 18 year old girl??
Got my bellydancing and private dancer workout in. Since starting this, I am really forced to be more aware of my body particularly my hips and center( a little below my belly button). I did the dancing DVD last night and Dh even said he prefered this workout to the kickboxing I use to do
I feel a little oomph and confidence in my overall strut. I like this!
PS: I really want to take up pole dancing
. Since starting this, I am really forced to be more aware of my body particularly my hips and center( a little below my belly button). I did the dancing DVD last night and Dh even said he prefered this workout to the kickboxing I use to doI feel a little oomph and confidence in my overall strut. I like this!
PS: I really want to take up pole dancing
SophieDulce
Well-Known Member
I think Michelle Obama has a sensual quality about her. She always seems very poised and soft. Even with her powerful position, I never get an intimidating vibe from her.
If your looking for non Vampy versions of feminine role models
I find sobonufu some very refreshing, she isn't what people from western cultures would consider feminine, but I can just feel her energy from the screen. She speaks from her lower body, she has a very sensual nature about her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Yu2enJoDLM
Id like to add Jill scott, Her voice, OMG.
If your looking for non Vampy versions of feminine role models
I find sobonufu some very refreshing, she isn't what people from western cultures would consider feminine, but I can just feel her energy from the screen. She speaks from her lower body, she has a very sensual nature about her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Yu2enJoDLM
Id like to add Jill scott, Her voice, OMG.
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SophieDulce
Well-Known Member
That lady from the preacher wife reality show with the bad wig, married to the jew would be the opposite of femininity.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Marking my place in this thread so that I can go home and enjoy it...and learn some things.
kweenameena
Well-Known Member
I love this thread
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
Haven't read the whole thread so my apologies if I'm re-treading some stuff.
To me sensuality is a mindset more then any thing else. You can be the most feminine woman on the planet and not exude sensuality, and you can also be less than feminine and have it seeping out of your pores. Sensuality is more about confidence, comfort, and openness than some prescribed way of being feminine.
To me you need to find your sweet spot for where you feel comfortable, beautiful, attractive rather than putting on a "feminine" front that is not really you. Inauthenticity is not sensual and eventually you will go back to being you so why not just start there?
I also think good sex is less about what you're doing then what you're feeling emotionally and willing to express when having sex. A willingness to be truly in the moment, invite a man into your emotional space, surrender any insecurities or sense of what's right or wrong sexually, and allowing your intuition to guide how you experience sex together, the better in my opinion.
To me sensuality is a mindset more then any thing else. You can be the most feminine woman on the planet and not exude sensuality, and you can also be less than feminine and have it seeping out of your pores. Sensuality is more about confidence, comfort, and openness than some prescribed way of being feminine.
To me you need to find your sweet spot for where you feel comfortable, beautiful, attractive rather than putting on a "feminine" front that is not really you. Inauthenticity is not sensual and eventually you will go back to being you so why not just start there?
I also think good sex is less about what you're doing then what you're feeling emotionally and willing to express when having sex. A willingness to be truly in the moment, invite a man into your emotional space, surrender any insecurities or sense of what's right or wrong sexually, and allowing your intuition to guide how you experience sex together, the better in my opinion.
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