Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

[belletropjolie]

I just wanted to say a big thank you to Enyo for starting this thread. I mentioned in another thread that being feminine and weilding that femininity is a very powerful thing. I am taking notes of some of these books and will be reading up.

Just wanted to add - has anyone read "Beautiful Maria of my soul" by Oscar Hijuelos? I think the character Maria is an embodiment of a lot of what we are discussing here.

 

[belletropjolie]

of topic but does anyone remember Marlo from Real Housewives of Atlanta?

I remember folks clowning her being masculine and looking like a man but I think she may actually be another example of the sensous vs. sexy concept. I suspect she's probably very sensous but doesn't appear to most to be ultra femme.

 

[tatiana]

Do you ladies mind sharing your individual approaches to being more feminine? Thanks ladies.


Sent from my GT-I8190 using LHCF

My approach. I was never masculine but I am independent because I had to be not because I wanted to be.

I never brought into the "strong" black woman because I feel like all women have needs.

I started taken care of myself more: mentally, financially, emotionally, and etc.

I started wearing more dresses. I wear bright colors. I have warm undertones so I do not look good in pink. I wear colors that I think I look good in including black.

I read What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should): Timeless Secrets to Get Everything you Want in Love, Life, and Work. Since I am from the South, I was familar with some of the things she mentioned. From this book, I learned to find and wear a signature scent and wear before leaving the house. This book also prompted me to learn more about makeup because I keep my makeup look simple.

Wearing matching bra and panties.

Taking up an art or craft is very uplifting.

 

[ambergirl]

Are you all familiar with Jean Houston? She was on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday a few weeks ago.

Anyway she advocates "embodying" the qualities, persona, skill, talent, you are trying to incorporate into your life and then literally express that new quality physically through all your senses.

So for example if you want to be a master belly dancer. Imagine that you are one...okay how does a belly dancer walk when she's crossing a room? or a street? What does she do when she's eating? What does she see when she walks into a room? How does she look at the man she loves? How does she greet a friend? a lover? What does she wear when she's grocery shopping and how does that feel on your skin? How does she caress a flower?

A little strange, but also fun. And what's interesting is that the more you embody how a belly dancer, lives the more those qualities become a natural part of who you are.

 

[Adonia1987]

IJS. Safely and in a loving committed relationship or something like that.

I love coloring. I read the TOC for that healing female sexual energy book and I'd feel just selfish if I didn't put that knowledge to use. ;-)

Kimbosheart would you mind sharing the name of the book? It's for a friend....

 

[Adonia1987]

I bought a Groupon back in November for 10 sessions of belly dancing. I am going to start on Monday. I can't wait.


I am working on being more comfortable with my body. I pay more attention to the way I walk and carry myself. I am using the things I already have to remodel my room and create a more feminine and mature environment. I am careful to use what I have because I want to be in the mindset that I have everything I need. Until I know that I already have everything I need, I won't be able to attract and appreciate more.

 

[ladysaraii]

I am finding it a challenge to remain in my body. I have realized it is almost impossible to be present in your body if you live in your head( constantly thinking, worried about the past or anxious about the future). So meditation seems to be what I am going to need to do more of.

I think this is a wonderful observation and it's something that I've come to realize about myself lately. I spend way too much time in my head and one of my goals it so work on coming back to earth and 'staying in my body' as you so excellently put it.

 

[SophieDulce]

Hey ladies, Can we get together a list of YouTube links to check out for further reference

I found this video from the womanly arts lady she was a guest speaker on TEDx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU9RAGiRdSE


Fee free to add.

 

[MonPetite]

Thanks for this.
Do you mind sharing how you word your invitations to these events? I'd like to start something like this but i have no idea how to begin. I'd like to be seen as a positive, something that people want to attend. A lot of invitations to women's groups events just fall off my radar because of overly flowery (what i call 'pink') and melodramatic language that makes the event seem contrived and a waste of time. How do you 'sell' this to working women who dont have time for spa-days?

I remember you from khadija's blogs, your tips are always on point.

Sent from my GT-I8190 using LHCF

Awwww. Thanks! miss cosmic

I pick a theme for the event that I know the people who will be invited will enjoy, based on...well...how well I know them.

I keep it small (six tops, preferably 4-5) to have as many tiny details right possible down to each favor in the party bags, our activities, etc.

I keep up with the schedules of those I want to invite, and when I can spend personal invitations in the mail --or actually call them and give them all the details and tell them in person how much I look forward to them coming. I texted and e-mailed everything into place before, and I think the above way is better. Best case scenario, send gorgeous cards with an outline of the menu and activities. Four - five hours flies by when you're having fun!

Is that what you were asking?

I am finding it a challenge to remain in my body. I have realized it is almost impossible to be present in your body if you live in your head( constantly thinking, worried about the past or anxious about the future). So meditation seems to be what I am going to need to do more of.

RegaLady

This is why I take a practical, inside-out approach to femininity on my blog --emotional and intellectual damage/discombobulation STRANGLES femininity.

All the heels and make-up in the WORLD will not help you, if you don't get things right from the inside out.

The damage from life is real and the healing must be also, whatever form it needs to take.

 

[*SkolarStar*]

Is there any information on feminine decor or housekeeping? People are talking about color schemes and such but are there pictures? I, too, am a visual learner.

 

[TracyNicole]

Concurrently, i'm also working on my bedroom. Initially i'd chosen black, grey and silver as my colours (i love black,lol) but i am now finding it stark and really rather male and not nurturing as i want my bedroom to be. I dont like chintz or paisley or pink and it seems feminine bedrooms or romantic one must be one of these. If anyone has suggestions or images i'd really appreciate it.

I will chime in since I am just finishing my bedroom makeover as well. The colors you like can still make a warm and inviting space. Think about your room as an accessory. Do those colors make you look more appealing? If yes, you can use those colors by playing with the shades and incorporating textures that are femininely appealing. For inspiration, here are some examples I like that aren't to frilly but still have a feminine touch and use the color families you seem to gravitate to.

 

[belletropjolie]

Is there any information on feminine decor or housekeeping? People are talking about color schemes and such but are there pictures? I, too, am a visual learner.

@skolarstar I am in the process of redoing my whole place and one of my resources has been www.apartmenttherapy.com. Its not just for apartments but for houses also.

Anyway, on the website, I searched for feminine and they have house tours of homes that are decorated in that style. THe house tours are great because they have links to where you can get some of the decor and also interview the homeowner on their design philosophy/approach.

 

[wigsnatcha3000]

I'm so happy I discovered this thread because it's right on time for me. I'm very much my true feminine self, but one thing I'd like to work on is my sensuality. I watched a video with Kate Upton in it a couple of weeks ago because I was curious about the hype over her. She came off as her authentic self and very sensual (I know some may disagree with me on that ) and not as sexy as I thought she would. I realized that is what I'm missing right now.

I'm going to start reading a book on this tonight, but I'm not sure which one.

 

[belletropjolie]

Just a quick thought for you ladies.

What role do you think vulnerability plays into sensuality and femininity. I am reading "Powerful and Feminine" and one of the great points I read is being able to RECEIVE. It seems like such an elemental concept but I think one way of being feminine is the ability to be vulnerable and receive.

I don't have trouble receiving (although I am guilty of rushing to a door and opening the door myself when a perfectly able man is standing right next to me lol) or allowing myself to be treated nicely.

I do have a little trouble in opening myself up and being emotionally vulnerable. Letting another person in and being open. I am still pondering this but I wanted to get some thoughts on this.

 

[TracyNicole]

I think being vulnerable and ready to receive are a big part of it. Many of us are taught we need to be strong and self sufficient. I struggle so hard with being able to open myself up, even in marriage because there is an underlying fear of being hurt. As I have been struggling with infertility, it has changed the dynamic of my marriage in a huge way. I have had to rely on my husband's assistance more often and we have begun to communicate on a completely different level.

I can definitely see how me needing him in a support role has created the opportunity for him to step up. I think sometimes we block men from treating us well because they don't feel needed. I know we get frustrated hearing about how it's all on women. Don't get me wrong, that's not what I'm saying. I just believe that men learn how to treat women and how to be masculine through their interactions with women. We have to be willing to create the opportunities for men in our lives to learn to be great.

In terms of being ready to receive, some men might be ready to step up to the plate, but if you aren't open you will miss it. Men are very vulnerable creatures. Deep down they want to treat you right and be appreciated (good men, not all men). When we are not ready to receive, we block that inclination and sometimes it doesn't come around again. We teach men early on how to treat us. I am not saying you should let it all hang out there with every man but as women we want to get to a point where we are comfortable in our own skins and confident in our feminine walk so men can take their cue and treat us the way we want to be treated.

 

[belletropjolie]

I think being vulnerable and ready to receive are a big part of it. Many of us are taught we need to be strong and self sufficient. I struggle so hard with being able to open myself up, even in marriage because there is an underlying fear of being hurt. As I have been struggling with infertility, it has changed the dynamic of my marriage in a huge way. I have had to rely on my husband's assistance more often and we have begun to communicate on a completely different level.

I can definitely see how me needing him in a support role has created the opportunity for him to step up. I think sometimes we block men from treating us well because they don't feel needed. I know we get frustrated hearing about how it's all on women. Don't get me wrong, that's not what I'm saying. I just believe that men learn how to treat women and how to be masculine through their interactions with women. We have to be willing to create the opportunities for men in our lives to learn to be great.

In terms of being ready to receive, some men might be ready to step up to the plate, but if you aren't open you will miss it. Men are very vulnerable creatures. Deep down they want to treat you right and be appreciated (good men, not all men). When we are not ready to receive, we block that inclination and sometimes it doesn't come around again. We teach men early on how to treat us. I am not saying you should let it all hang out there with every man but as women we want to get to a point where we are comfortable in our own skins and confident in our feminine walk so men can take their cue and treat us the way we want to be treated.

Nothing but truth. I think the fear of hurt/rejection has a lot to do with it

 

[Adonia1987]

I think being vulnerable is essential. To me, being feminine is about releasing control and allowing yourself to be what you truly are. When we hold back because we are scared of getting hurt, we create a block in energy. To me, being vulnerable means being free and living life how you want it. You take a risk but everything about you is sincere; from your laughs, to your tears. However, being vulnerable does not equate letting people take advantage of you. It means that you are comfortable enough with yourself to do, and say the things that will make you happy, wether or not others agree with it.

 

[MonPetite]

Just a quick thought for you ladies.

What role do you think vulnerability plays into sensuality and femininity. I am reading "Powerful and Feminine" and one of the great points I read is being able to RECEIVE. It seems like such an elemental concept but I think one way of being feminine is the ability to be vulnerable and receive.

I don't have trouble receiving (although I am guilty of rushing to a door and opening the door myself when a perfectly able man is standing right next to me lol) or allowing myself to be treated nicely.

I do have a little trouble in opening myself up and being emotionally vulnerable. Letting another person in and being open. I am still pondering this but I wanted to get some thoughts on this.

Vulnerability is essential for men living in the full masculine as well as women. I think vulnerability is one of those things that's actually essential to BOTH sexes, simply to be a healthy, well-adjusted individual.

How it is conveyed and the role it plays is different along sex/gender lines, but vulnerability is must for truly feminine women and truly masculine men.

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

I am looking forward to reading this entire thread.

 

[ladysaraii]

I finished Sex Secrets of the American Geisha. I only intended to read part of it, but it was really engaging so I finished it.

I really liked what she had to say, she had some things that resonated with me from the very introduction. Now that I've readi t, I need to go back and take notes.

 

[Enyo]

 

[Enyo]

Ok, Ladies. So my goal right now is to work on the physical side. Mainly my vaginal health, skin, and hair. I've let all of those go and I'm sure when I get back to old beauty habits my confidence will go up and I will start feeling worthy of deeper exploration.

I've gone back to using my kegal balls, which I think is an easy way to help control small leaks and help with lubrication when I start to have sex again. As some of you may remember, I had issues a while back with my tummy hurting during sex. Inserting the kegal balls actually caused a burning sensation as they slid in at first. I did inserted them today and when it started to burn, I stopped instead of shoving through the pain. I put on a movie I like and watched it while I inserted both balls. They went in a lot easier which leads me to believe a lot of it is me tensing up as well as not playing with the angle enough. I'm very happy because without a decent sex life it's hard for me to feel complete. The spot from the original insertion "burn" is still tender, but hopefully, I'll be able to avoid it next time.

I've also started on The Art of Seduction. I have to say that it's really enjoyable. I went ahead and paid for the Kindle version because I like to highlight and make notes, and wasn't willing to print out a whole book - even if it's free.

 

[ladysaraii]

Ok, Ladies. So my goal right now is to work on the physical side. Mainly my vaginal health, skin, and hair. I've let all of those go and I'm sure when I get back to old beauty habits my confidence will go up and I will start feeling worthy of deeper exploration.


I've also started on The Art of Seduction. I have to say that it's really enjoyable. I went ahead and paid for the Kindle version because I like to highlight and make notes, and wasn't willing to print out a whole book - even if it's free.

^^

I'm working on both of these things (except marking up the books---I have a deep seating discomfort with that )

I order some belly dancing dvds and i think that for a while my workout rotation will consist of yoga and bellydance. I think the combo will provide booth mental and physical benefits as I work on my process.

 

[Enyo]

I'm working on both of these things (except marking up the books---I have a deep seating discomfort with that

I don't like marking up books either which is why I got it on Kindle. I've picked back up with Pilates as well. I'm really stiff at the moment.

 

[Iammoney]

Are there any adult only boards were we can discuss some of these things without fear of offending someone or being closed ?

 

[Enyo]

blqlady I guess it depends on what you want to talk about. I had a whole thread about painful sex with a good amount of detail. It wasn't closed mainly because it was a very clinical approach. Maybe you should message a mod with what you want to say.

As far as offending someone - what in the world are they doing in a thread about sensuality if mature sex talk bugs them. Sensuality and Sexuality are sisters.

 

[Iammoney]

I hear you but I've seen so many instances were it took very little to get it shut down. I think we should have an area for adults to openly discuss without fear

 

[RegaLady]

^^

I'm working on both of these things (except marking up the books---I have a deep seating discomfort with that )

I order some belly dancing dvds and i think that for a while my workout rotation will consist of yoga and bellydance. I think the combo will provide booth mental and physical benefits as I work on my process.

Yes, this has been my workout regimen as of now. I need to get that fluidity and flexiblity going. Other cardio and weight lifting gives great results, but it was making me too stiff.

 

[nychaelasymone]

Thank you so much for starting this thread. I realized in my own life I needed to start delving deeper into sensuality and 'loving'. I've had a screwed up almost perverted introduction to sex from an early age (5/6) that I never recovered. Didn't grow up in a household where pampering oneself was considered normal. From rape, molestation, confusion, separation, impending divorce etc. I never understood the power of truly just being feminine...so at 38 I'm learning the art of 'loving'....so thank you so much for this thread, so many useful books and tips....this is exciting and heart-warming.

One goal in my lifetime is to finally experience making love not just having sex.

 

[nychaelasymone]

I think being vulnerable is essential. To me, being feminine is about releasing control and allowing yourself to be what you truly are. When we hold back because we are scared of getting hurt, we create a block in energy. To me, being vulnerable means being free and living life how you want it. You take a risk but everything about you is sincere; from your laughs, to your tears. However, being vulnerable does not equate letting people take advantage of you. It means that you are comfortable enough with yourself to do, and say the things that will make you happy, wether or not others agree with it.

Thank you