Is It Easier For The Chocolate Sisters To Get Men Of Other Races!!!!!

[hennagirl]

I know that this is your opinion and I have read through your subsequent posts and understand where you are coming from, but I have to say that I am offended that Beyonce is being held as the standard of beauty for Black women here. But that's another thread.

Anyway, I am dark-skinned, I don't look a thing like Bey, and I don't own a Fortune 500 company... yet . However, I have been in relationships with men of other races including white American men. These were relationships that included meeting their parents and spending a lot of social time with their friends. I consider myself attractive, well-educated, well-rounded, and worldly. I was raised in a middle class family. Some of the white men I dated were high rollers, one from old money. This was dating with two serious marriage proposals. So it's possible.

I will back up your stance regarding Joe Smith and Ayanna Jones, to a degree. If a Sheniquah or a Shetaytay from 'round the way (ghetto) end up in a relationship with a white man, he will probably be someone on a similar socio-economic level as her (i.e. trailer park white trash, ghetto white boy, white boy wannabe-rapper types). Not to offend anyone, but y'all should know what I mean. This has been my observation.

OTOH, I have two close family members (one is brown-skinned, one is light-skinned) who have been married to white men for years. One couple met at their workplace and they hated each other in the beginning. They ended up dating. Now they have been married for 13 years and have two children under the age of 10 (planned). The other couple met, started dating, and have been happily married for 20 years now. The men are average looking. I'm biased about my family members. While the world may find them average looking, I find them beautiful. I think it helps that the two men come from tolerant, open-minded families. We all get together during the holidays or special occassions, our family and theirs all together, and it's not a big deal.

The thing about men, of all races, is that they are visual creatures first. They will go to what they are physically attracted to first and if there is something deeper to explore, then it will happen. If there's nothing deeper, then it will be a situation focused on sex rather than a relationship. If a white man feels pressured by his family and peers to not cross cultures, then it's not likely to happen... unless he is the type who just doesn't give a damn what people think. That's not to say that the only reason they don't cross over is because of pressure to not do so, but for a lot of them it is unthinkable because of that pressure.

Hairphoenix, thank you for your response. I appreciate you taking the time and making the effort to consider what I was attempting to say. It is so difficult to be clear in this anonymous forum. In fact, I enjoy posting on this and other forums because it forces me to be clear and concise in my thinking and writing which helps me in my work. I am going to reply to your post for increased clarity, not to be adversarial. You made an excellent point about Beyonce. I reread my post and I can see where it appeared that I held Beyonce as our standard of beauty. I meant that Beyonce is the current universally accepted version of the beautiful AA women by white America. In my day, it was Vanessa Williams.

I think we are making the same point from different vantages - you said that men are visual creatures. I meant that American white men will see certain women who meet their standard of beauty and consider a meaningful relationship if other factors are in place. The pressure you describe diminishes considerably when you bring their accepted idea of beauty home of the girl with killer serve and the low-handicap. Hairphoenix, I suspect you are being modest about yourself, "well-educated, worldly, well-rounded", I would think describes perfectly a background that would mesh with your experiences with American white men and support my premise. Thank you again for your post, I enjoy any opportunity to refine my thinking.

 

[facets]

Hairphoenix, thank you for your response. I appreciate you taking the time and making the effort to consider what I was attempting to say. It is so difficult to be clear in this anonymous forum. In fact, I enjoy posting on this and other forums because it forces me to be clear and concise in my thinking and writing which helps me in my work. I am going to reply to your post for increased clarity, not to be adversarial. You made an excellent point about Beyonce. I reread my post and I can see where it appeared that I held Beyonce as our standard of beauty. I meant that Beyonce is the current universally accepted version of the beautiful AA women by white America. In my day, it was Vanessa Williams.

I think we are making the same point from different vantages - you said that men are visual creatures. I meant that American white men will see certain women who meet their standard of beauty and consider a meaningful relationship if other factors are in place. The pressure you describe diminishes considerably when you bring their accepted idea of beauty home of the girl with killer serve and the low-handicap. Hairphoenix, I suspect you are being modest about yourself, "well-educated, worldly, well-rounded", I would think describes perfectly a background that would mesh with your experiences with American white men and support my premise. Thank you again for your post, I enjoy any opportunity to refine my thinking.

Good point!

 

[HairPhoenix]

I kinda thought you'd get a kick out of it...dh did too!

Now you KNOW how I feel about George.

 

[HairPhoenix]

Hairphoenix, thank you for your response. I appreciate you taking the time and making the effort to consider what I was attempting to say. It is so difficult to be clear in this anonymous forum. In fact, I enjoy posting on this and other forums because it forces me to be clear and concise in my thinking and writing which helps me in my work. I am going to reply to your post for increased clarity, not to be adversarial. You made an excellent point about Beyonce. I reread my post and I can see where it appeared that I held Beyonce as our standard of beauty. I meant that Beyonce is the current universally accepted version of the beautiful AA women by white America. In my day, it was Vanessa Williams.

I know what you meant. But I had to have fun with it. You know how the "B" word is a hot button topic around here.

I think we are making the same point from different vantages - you said that men are visual creatures. I meant that American white men will see certain women who meet their standard of beauty and consider a meaningful relationship if other factors are in place. The pressure you describe diminishes considerably when you bring their accepted idea of beauty home of the girl with killer serve and the low-handicap.

Exactly. We are on the same page.

Hairphoenix, I suspect you are being modest about yourself, "well-educated, worldly, well-rounded",

Well, my personality profile results indicate that I tend to be arrogant and conceited... *clutches pearls*... Moi? Uhhhh... I do try to keep it in check.

I would think describes perfectly a background that would mesh with your experiences with American white men and support my premise.

That and my physical appearance. I have been tormented for years by Black men who say I have a white girl's body. I don't have that highly regarded pear shape. I've got the small frame, big boobs, and a small athletic butt (it's not flat and it's not wide) . That would explain to me why I have always had more non-Black men flirt with me... it's the visual.

Thank you again for your post, I enjoy any opportunity to refine my thinking.

Anytime.

ETA: ... erah, I hope this didn't come across as arrogant.

 

[facets]

I've got the small frame, big boobs, and a small athletic butt (it's not flat and it's not wide) . That would explain to me why I have always had more non-Black men flirt with me... it's the visual.

That's how my mom was when she was young... the shape but she's about 5'8"! She also had the non-AAs after her too.

At normal weight, I'm intermediate, kinda neither here nor thereerplexed... sort of an hourglass meets dog bone.

I never thought about body type being a factor... interesting!

 

[HairPhoenix]

That's how my mom was when she was young... the shape but she's about 5'8"! She also had the non-AAs after her too.

At normal weight, I'm intermediate, kinda neither here nor thereerplexed... sort of an hourglass meets dog bone.

I never thought about body type being a factor... interesting!

Okay, I've never heard it put that way before... dog bone?

 

[facets]

Okay, I've never heard it put that way before... dog bone?

Hey, I'm trying to be nice to myself today.

Many moons ago when I was very thin, my brother said I was shaped like a hot dog. (slightly sway back, undefined waist, barely B cup boobs )

It's a wonder I managed to procreate, huh?

 

[HairPhoenix]

Hey, I'm trying to be nice to myself today.

Many moons ago when I was very thin, my brother said I was shaped like a hot dog. (slightly sway back, undefined waist, barely B cup boobs )

It's a wonder I managed to procreate, huh?

I dunno... this guy doesn't look like he's having any trouble getting a mate.

You know I love ya, right?

 

[facets]

I dunno... this guy doesn't look like he's having any trouble getting a mate.

You know I love ya, right?

the OP is going come in and

 

[macherieamour]

I know what you meant. But I had to have fun with it. You know how the "B" word is a hot button topic around here.



Exactly. We are on the same page.



Well, my personality profile results indicate that I tend to be arrogant and conceited... *clutches pearls*... Moi? Uhhhh... I do try to keep it in check.



That and my physical appearance. I have been tormented for years by Black men who say I have a white girl's body. I don't have that highly regarded pear shape. I've got the small frame, big boobs, and a small athletic butt (it's not flat and it's not wide) . That would explain to me why I have always had more non-Black men flirt with me... it's the visual.



Anytime.

ETA: ... erah, I hope this didn't come across as arrogant.

Oh girl! Me too. I got NO love from black dudes in high school. They wanted big booties And then i got to college and every black dude there wanted a light skinned girl or a white girl. Lotta lonely nights, lemme tell you.

 

[HairPhoenix]

Oh girl! Me too. I got NO love from black dudes in high school. They wanted big booties And then i got to college and every black dude there wanted a light skinned girl or a white girl. Lotta lonely nights, lemme tell you.

I would have had lonely nights too if I had limited myself to waiting for a Black man to ask me out. I wasn't what they were looking for, so I went out with the men who were interested. :eyebrows2

Now... JUST... GIMME... THAT... HAIR!!

 

[facets]

I would have had lonely nights too if I had limited myself to waiting for a Black man to ask me out. I wasn't what they were looking for, so I went out with the men who were interested. :eyebrows2

Now... JUST... GIMME... THAT... HAIR!!

Save some of Macherie's gorgeous hair for me... i'm over here with a TWA and a huge head!lol:

 

[facets]

Oh girl! Me too. I got NO love from black dudes in high school. They wanted big booties And then i got to college and every black dude there wanted a light skinned girl or a white girl. Lotta lonely nights, lemme tell you.

It was the same at my high school! It took me forever to figure it out too.

The faces didn't even have to be cute sometimes. Just that classic body.

 

[macherieamour]

HAHAHHA thanks guys. It doesnt look like that right now

 

[HairPhoenix]

It was the same at my high school! It took me forever to figure it out too.

The faces didn't even have to be cute sometimes. Just that classic body.

The one thing I will NEVER understand is that the same Black guys who didn't want to have anything to do with me would get so upset if they saw me with a white guy. I will never get that. If I wasn't good enough because I didn't have a huge butt then STFU!!

 

[HairPhoenix]

HAHAHHA thanks guys. It doesnt look like that right now

Oh say it ain't so!

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

Oh girl! Me too. I got NO love from black dudes in high school. They wanted big booties And then i got to college and every black dude there wanted a light skinned girl or a white girl. Lotta lonely nights, lemme tell you.

I am stunned! You are so gorgeous! Well I got no love from brothers either. The only guys that liked me in HS were the Puerto Ricans, and I had a big booty and breast to go with it! Many were intimidated by me because I had really good grades. In college it was the same thing. But college came with a twist. The Jewish profs and grad students all wanted me. If I were an anti-semite, I would have gotten no play in college. And still now, I live by a hospital and whenever I walk by there is at least one Jewish doctor that wants to talk to me and get to know me better.

As a result, I would have to disagree with one of the post that states that white men are all about size and black women who have non African features. I am what most black men would call thick, like a 16, working on it though, and I am dark with full lips and nose. But white men come on to me lots. And not the Vanilla Ice wannbe types. Educated professional ones often.

Just my $.02!

 

[sylver2]

Oh girl! Me too. I got NO love from black dudes in high school. They wanted big booties And then i got to college and every black dude there wanted a light skinned girl or a white girl. Lotta lonely nights, lemme tell you.

lol..who u tellin girl..that was the story of my life.
I know they are kicking themselves when they see u now..u are gorgeous!!

 

[HairPhoenix]

I am stunned! You are so gorgeous! Well I got no love from brothers either. The only guys that liked me in HS were the Puerto Ricans, and I had a big booty and breast to go with it! Many were intimidated by me because I had really good grades. In college it was the same thing. But college came with a twist. The Jewish profs and grad students all wanted me. If I were an anti-semite, I would have gotten no play in college. And still now, I live by a hospital and whenever I walk by there is at least one Jewish doctor that wants to talk to me and get to know me better.

As a result, I would have to disagree with one of the post that states that white men are all about size and black women who have non African features. I am what most black men would call thick, like a 16, working on it though, and I am dark with full lips and nose. But white men come on to me lots. And not the Vanilla Ice wannbe types. Educated professional ones often.

Just my $.02!

Girl, you'd better go on and get you one of those doctors!

 

[UmSumayyah]

I am stunned! You are so gorgeous! Well I got no love from brothers either. The only guys that liked me in HS were the Puerto Ricans, and I had a big booty and breast to go with it! Many were intimidated by me because I had really good grades. In college it was the same thing. But college came with a twist. The Jewish profs and grad students all wanted me. If I were an anti-semite, I would have gotten no play in college. And still now, I live by a hospital and whenever I walk by there is at least one Jewish doctor that wants to talk to me and get to know me better.

As a result, I would have to disagree with one of the post that states that white men are all about size and black women who have non African features. I am what most black men would call thick, like a 16, working on it though, and I am dark with full lips and nose. But white men come on to me lots. And not the Vanilla Ice wannbe types. Educated professional ones often.

Just my $.02!

Well, what girl wouldn't want a nice, Jewish doctor? Married one yet?

 

[hennagirl]

PME Lady, why do you want to be a size 6 and I don't think that your husband would be happy about all the attention. ?

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

Well, what girl wouldn't want a nice, Jewish doctor? Married one yet?

Not yet but I never turned one down for a date!

 

[UmSumayyah]

Why do you want to be a size 6?

I'm a petite lil thang. (As far as height goes, anyway ) 6 is just the first stop on my way to 0. Bigger than a six is not cute on a woman under 5 feet, in my opinion.

 

[KeyahGirl]

As a result, I would have to disagree with one of the post that states that white men are all about size and black women who have non African features. I am what most black men would call thick, like a 16, working on it though, and I am dark with full lips and nose. But white men come on to me lots. And not the Vanilla Ice wannbe types. Educated professional ones often.

Just my $.02!

That's really interesting. There's more anecdotal evidence than I thought for non-model black women getting with decent-looking white men. It's never been my experience, but apparently it has happened. I just think that white men, in general, are represented by a thread on the New York version of craigslist where a post asked white men only to rank which race of women they found most attractive. Asian women were on top, followed by white women, then Latinas. Not only were black women at the bottom, but guys who responded said some pretty foul and disgusting things about black women's looks in general, saying that all of us are out of shape, flabby, have cellulite, chewed-up hair or bad weaves. No other race of women was dissed in this manner. A few negative things were said about white women - several men said that a lot of white women, especially the young ones, were too skinny and looked old in the face - but that paled (no pun intended) in comparison with the vitriol heaped on black women. Asian women's looks were universally praised, and Latinas were, as well. It was interesting to me, but not surprising. The few white men who listed black women at the top did so with these caveats: "Not too fat, not wearing weave, and not with big noses. Big lips OK."

What I've read on this thread is surprising, and I'd like to thank everyone for sharing and showing me a different viewpoint.

 

[macherieamour]

Thanks guys

Yeah NO love from black guys. I thought something was wrong with me for the longest! I remember in high school this black dude, notorius for dating white girls, said I was "decent looking" for a black girl. I mean and this was, besides my brother and father, the only other black male I really knew. And I was just like, and THIS is supposed to me my "brother"????

 

[PinkPeony]

I'am sorry for everyone that never got any love from black men because of their size or skincolour.
I might be wrong but in my memory that never seemed sooo important for european black men like for americans.
There are brotha's that like a big behind and other ones that just don't...
Also it usually were the older african men that seemed to be mad in love with thick women of any colour,younger ones actually often liked petite framed or athletic looking women.
Before I came to this board I never new that it was such a big deal

 

[Whimsy]

I think it's easy for me to get any man of any color/culture.
Shoot.



But to answer, I'm definitely not light skinned and people from all over the ethnic rainbow hit on me. I'm in NYC.

 

[facets]

Thanks guys

Yeah NO love from black guys. I thought something was wrong with me for the longest! I remember in high school this black dude, notorius for dating white girls, said I was "decent looking" for a black girl. I mean and this was, besides my brother and father, the only other black male I really knew. And I was just like, and THIS is supposed to me my "brother"????

That reminds me of freshman year in HS...I had a class with two popular AA juniors, they were athletes and friends. One was darker than I am and is friend was quite light. However the darker guy was most popular and cuter, not just my opinion but a lot of girls swooned over him.

So, one day(I think it was the first day or at least the first week of school) his lighter friend gestures towards me and asks him,"What about her, she's cute" and the brown guy goes: "Yeah, she's cute but she's too dark" I wanted to die.(remember this was 9th grade)

Later on I noticed that he had tearouts of Lisa Bonet(who I love(d) too) plastered all over his locker and binder. So, i'm guessing she was closer to the ideal for him.

*****
I guess I have felt more relaxed(maybe in a naive way? after considering recent posts) about my color with Euro/Euro-Am men. I can't remember anything colorist ever coming from them about me or other AA women we encountered.

Maybe they thought it but were smart enough to keep it to themselves?

 

[facets]

I'am sorry for everyone that never got any love from black men because of their size or skincolour.
I might be wrong but in my memory that never seemed sooo important for european black men like for americans.
There are brotha's that like a big behind and other ones that just don't...
Also it usually were the older african men that seemed to be mad in love with thick women of any colour,younger ones actually often liked petite framed or athletic looking women.
Before I came to this board I never new that it was such a big deal

So true!!! I really miss that about France. The African/Afro-diaspora men there are sooo cool & flirtatious!!! ...and many are super fine! I actually feel like a real girl around them!It's the best!

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

That's really interesting. There's more anecdotal evidence than I thought for non-model black women getting with decent-looking white men. It's never been my experience, but apparently it has happened. I just think that white men, in general, are represented by a thread on the New York version of craigslist where a post asked white men only to rank which race of women they found most attractive. Asian women were on top, followed by white women, then Latinas. Not only were black women at the bottom, but guys who responded said some pretty foul and disgusting things about black women's looks in general, saying that all of us are out of shape, flabby, have cellulite, chewed-up hair or bad weaves. No other race of women was dissed in this manner. A few negative things were said about white women - several men said that a lot of white women, especially the young ones, were too skinny and looked old in the face - but that paled (no pun intended) in comparison with the vitriol heaped on black women. Asian women's looks were universally praised, and Latinas were, as well. It was interesting to me, but not surprising. The few white men who listed black women at the top did so with these caveats: "Not too fat, not wearing weave, and not with big noses. Big lips OK."

What I've read on this thread is surprising, and I'd like to thank everyone for sharing and showing me a different viewpoint.

That is rather unfortunate. I think the truth of the matter is that many white men are just afraid too admit their attraction to black women because it is socially unacceptable because in Europe, it is very different. Oddly enough my experience in Europe, Spain, Portugal and Italy, was that they looked down on Asians and in Spain they did not like Hispanics, which is another thread. But ultimately the truth is that there is no one rule that is universal within any group.