Spin off #: Is our strength our weakness when it comes to relationships??

[Mis007]

I think that Black women are automatically perceived as "strong" so that if they do things that even other races of women do (in terms of reaction), it is assumed that we have an attitude.

However, that "strong Black woman" issue is a problem in our community. It masks the deep anger, pain and insecurity a lot of us are dealing with. We have to let that go.

Yes it is, I for one do not use that description for myself on the contrary what does it really mean!...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

When I think about this subject I think about "What came first, the chicken or the egg?" I don't like for black men or black women to forget about the influence the black man has had in creating the strong/independent/don't need a man black woman. This evolution didn't come out of no where, it came out of necessity. Black women went from losing husbands to slavery and racism to losing husbands and potential husbands to every OTHER woman under the sun. So I resent the attitude that we need to 'change' or make ourselves appear weaker as to not emasculate our men, when for the most part the men have emasculated themselves.

Above all of that though, people need to stop projecting their own limited view of types of black women on every black woman. No one is more ready to fit us into neat little boxes than our own.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

Most of the black women that I know are very aggressive in their attitudes, body language and speaking.

Most of the white women that I know are mild mannered and soft spoken. The only white women that I know that are aggressive are the ones that hang around black women. LOL

 

[lushcoils]

Are white, asian, indian, and hispanic women with a good education, career, no kids, own house, car, etc etc seen as intimidating too?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Are white, asian, indian, and hispanic women with a good education, career, no kids, own house, car, etc etc seen as intimidating too?

I would say yes....they probably are to some degree....

But since a lot of their men (not sure about hispanics) seem to also be doing "well" career-wise, their men aren't usually as "intimidated" of women who are doing well for themselves, so you see more of those women getting married/dates/etc regardless of how well their doing in their careers or have things going on for them in their lives.

Yeah...there....I said it.

 

[Oasis]

So has this been an ongoing complaint or is it new? The complaint that Black women act like they don't need a man.... did Black women act this independent in the 40s, 50s, and 60s? Did Black men complain about it back then too?

I am just trying to figure out if this rhethoric is new or are our men using our long standing independence only now to justify why they act they way they do TODAY. Because the way I see it, a lot of Black men have CHANGED from back in the day. Black men of yesterday supported their families. Today, they marry the woman after the kid is born and not before; some not at all. Some moons ago, a Black man would hustle with different jobs instead of milking different women to support their lifestyle. That was yesterday..my daddy's generation

i know this post is super old but this is not a new phenomenon. many of the Black Panthers had frequent complaints about black women being too strong, not letting them be men .

 

[TrueToHair]

.......................

 

[HauteHippie]

This is really interesting. I'll never forget the time I was out with this "preppy" investment banker and his close guy friends/ fraternity brothers. 2 of my friends had met us for dinner ( Trini girl and 1/2 Black 1/2 Puerto Rican girl).
After they left I was helping my date with something really small and his friend blurts out, "That's why I really like Black girls."

Totally random. He then proceeds to tell me about a Black girl he dated and how sweet and caring Black girls are, especially when compared to White women.

I mean, I had to laugh. Not b/c we aren't sweet. Most of the women I know are like the church women the poster above mentioned. I laughed b/c men of our own race, choose to put us down as a whole and then one women of another race will come along and convince them that her race is "better" or gentler or whatever (as this guy was doing).

ETA: the guy above (from VA) agreed, as did all his buddies and I've heard this "Black women are so [amazing]" theme lately. Not that I'm complaining! One of my absolutely wonderful, sweet, caring guy friends-- a late-30s White guy from the Midwest-- said something to the tune of, "Well, you know," Black women have a reputation of being strong, but sweet and catering. I hadn't really heard that sweet part so much. He then starts telling me about how we're a complete package, in a "Well, duh, that's the stereotype" kind of way.

I could really get down with this whole new stereotypes thing. Of course, these are guys I know; if they'd thought I was going to be a witch I wouldn't know them at all or hear their opinions.

 

[Syrah]

Are white, asian, indian, and hispanic women with a good education, career, no kids, own house, car, etc etc seen as intimidating too?

No. But I think that's because Asian, Indian and Hispanic children are raised with a different perception of marriage. It is something that you should do and are expected to do and in Asian and Indian cultures, its a familial duty as the oldest son becomes responsible for his parents.

As far as white women go, they're in the same boat we are. A growing minority is attracted to an equally yoked woman, but there is still a large group that sees equally-yoked female as a challenge to be avoided if possible.

We need to be careful comparing apples and oranges. Part of the problem is how we as black folks are conditioned to look at relationships. We are a generation (white and black) raised in broken homes due to stuff that happened in the 70's and 80's. As women we've been raised to "do for yourself" because you "can't depend on a man" and regardless of the degree to which you (dis)agree with the sentiment, it has also affected our men.

As for the pole, I checked all but two. But I also realized that the more I came to accept myself, the less I expected validation from him, and as a result, the relationships I was in became more about mutual support rather than leverage. Once I changed my attitude about men, what I received from men also changed. Relationships are a reflection.

 

[aribell]

As for the pole, I checked all but two. But I also realized that the more I came to accept myself, the less I expected validation from him, and as a result, the relationships I was in became more about mutual support rather than leverage. Once I changed my attitude about men, what I received from men also changed. Relationships are a reflection.

Self-acceptance makes such a huge difference. You gravitate toward what you think you deserve. If black women feel guilty/bad/undeserving about doing "them" or simply for having whatever they have, they'll create that inner feeling externally. Been there, got the t-shirt!

 

[MissYocairis]

Re: Spin off # 2: Is our strength our weakness when it comes to relationships??

I don't like stereotypes of any kind. Even when they are positive. Example, someone is smart because they are Asian... or a black woman is stronger than other races of women.

I don't beleive that black women are stronger than any other type of women. Women (of all colors!) have to deal with the BS of men (of all colors!). And it is the same type of BS from every type of man all around the globe that we have to deal with.

Stereoptypes get on my nerves because the small amount of truth behind what sparks it (this one was probably created because a lot of black women are single mothers and don't have as much money as the average white woman) is lost in a sea of... simplistic generalizations and it applies to millions of people!

The fact that most people believe in them is sad. Do people not have brains? Are they not aware of what sterotyping truly is? There is no concrete rule about what a person is like or how the behave, a "weak" black woman is not an exception to the rule because there is no rule.

Girl, preach. When any man, of any race, sees me, he doesn't see a huge, calloused, mule of an ogre....he sees a woman....I don't buy into stereotypes either and I am as pink as the day is long. WW go through foolishness just the same and they are strong as hell if you pay attention....they use tears as a WEAPON. Don't be fooled.