Is It Easier For The Chocolate Sisters To Get Men Of Other Races!!!!!

[facets]

Keyahgirl, I want to support your point. I reiterate my disclaimer from my original post that my opinions are anecdotal and reflect only my own experience with American white men. Keyahgirl, I believe that you are absolutely right and I loved your analagy of Joe Smith and Ayanna Jones, they are NOT going to get together for a meaningful relationship. Many AA women are looking for meaningful relationships and are willing to cross the color line. I am willing to be considered wrong, "out-of-touch", a "hater" or any other designation if I can help one AA woman avoid hurt or disappointment. AA women need to be careful in interracial relationships if they don't look like Beyonce or own their own Fortune 500 company, IMO.

I'm neither of these types.It must have been the mind control, hypnosis and witchcraft at work then. just kidding. I'm being silly and trying to lighten things up a bit. I am having trouble understanding this, coming from my exp.

I'll add that I feel like all women need to be careful in all rel'ps regardless of participants' colors.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Keyahgirl, I want to support your point. I reiterate my disclaimer from my original post that my opinions are anecdotal and reflect only my own experience with American white men. Keyahgirl, I believe that you are absolutely right and I loved your analagy of Joe Smith and Ayanna Jones, they are NOT going to get together for a meaningful relationship. Many AA women are looking for meaningful relationships and are willing to cross the color line. I am willing to be considered wrong, "out-of-touch", a "hater" or any other designation if I can help one AA woman avoid hurt or disappointment. AA women need to be careful in interracial relationships if they don't look like Beyonce or own their own Fortune 500 company, IMO.[/quote]

Actually women in a relationship with a man of ANY race needs to be careful. Just because a man is your race doesn't mean he isn't going to try and use a sister for a piece.

To me, your post ignores the hundreds of thousands of loving relationships between WM/BW that have gone on for decades. And believe me, not all of those women looked like Bey, or were rolling in dough.

I live in Texas...and I see Miss Plain Jane AAs with Decent Looking WM all the time. In fact, I've seen it in quite a few places, including New York, where I used to live. So I'm speaking from MY experience.

 

[facets]

Keyah,

Another Q ..who is Ayannah Jones in relation to Joe Smith? I mean beyond her average exterior? Are there elements of living in different worlds(classes, educational, lifestyle etc. gulfs..huge differences between them)?

Or is your argument more that Joe won't bother to find out because of her physical appearance?

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Keyah,

Another Q ..who is Ayannah Jones in relation to Joe Smith? I mean beyond her average exterior? Are there elements of living in different worlds(classes, educational, lifestyle etc. gulfs..huge differences between them)?

Or is your argument more that Joe won't bother to find out because of her physical appearance?

Kay, stop reading my mind, I was just about to ask that question!!!

 

[facets]

Kay, stop reading my mind, I was just about to ask that question!!!

sawree 'bout that WC .. I need to lower the intensity of my mind control rays.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

AA women need to be careful in interracial relationships if they don't look like Beyonce or own their own Fortune 500 company, IMO.

Actually women in a relationship with a man of ANY race needs to be careful. Just because a man is your race doesn't mean he isn't going to try and use a sister for a piece.

To me, your post ignores the hundreds of thousands of loving relationships between WM/BW that have gone on for decades. And believe me, not all of those women looked like Bey, or were rolling in dough.

I live in Texas...and I see Miss Plain Jane AAs with Decent Looking WM all the time. In fact, I've seen it in quite a few places, including New York, where I used to live. So I'm speaking from MY experience.

Thank you for saying this. I was like at that sentence too. There is no one person fits all for any relationship. In any relationship, the man has the potential to be a dog. Furthermore, I see lots of black women who don't look like Beyonce who are dating/married to white men. I do think a black woman who is educated/successful is more likely to be around white men in the workplace for example, but again, nothing is set in stone.

 

[hennagirl]

Keyahgirl, I want to support your point. I reiterate my disclaimer from my original post that my opinions are anecdotal and reflect only my own experience with American white men. Keyahgirl, I believe that you are absolutely right and I loved your analagy of Joe Smith and Ayanna Jones, they are NOT going to get together for a meaningful relationship. Many AA women are looking for meaningful relationships and are willing to cross the color line. I am willing to be considered wrong, "out-of-touch", a "hater" or any other designation if I can help one AA woman avoid hurt or disappointment. AA women need to be careful in interracial relationships if they don't look like Beyonce or own their own Fortune 500 company, IMO.[/quote]

Actually women in a relationship with a man of ANY race needs to be careful. Just because a man is your race doesn't mean he isn't going to try and use a sister for a piece.

I realize after reading your post that I was not as clear as I had hoped to be. Obviously, women must be vigilant in all relationships. I had hoped to convey there was an added dimension present moving from one culture/race to another where there may be unfamiliarity with the norms and mores. Yes, I believe that there are different norms and mores between the cultures/races. I think it is easier to for a woman to detect insincerity within her own culture/race. I also believe that if there really were so many meaningful relationships between the races, this thread would have been framed differently. I stand by my opinion, which is just one person, that Joe Smith and Ayanna Stephens are NOT getting together unless she's beautiful and/or rich. I don't believe that AA women and Amercan white males who share similar backgrounds and/or environmental experiences such as school or the workplace are going to get together for a meaningful relationship unless she's considered beautiful by his standards. I think that American white males will marry average looking white women with similar backgrounds/experiences but not AA women. This is just my opinion which I am willing to restate because as more and more AA men are unavailable for various reasons, AA women will turn to men of other cultures/races.


To me, your post ignores the hundreds of thousands of loving relationships between WM/BW that have gone on for decades. And believe me, not all of those women looked like Bey, or were rolling in dough.

I live in Texas...and I see Miss Plain Jane AAs with Decent Looking WM all the time. In fact, I've seen it in quite a few places, including New York, where I used to live. So I'm speaking from MY experience.

 

[seraphinelle]

I can't actually believe that some people are trying to fit black women and white men into these little categories.

I have met some damn horrible black AND white men. And I've met other really sweet, handsome black, white, and other men.

Any woman has to be cautious of ANY man. Least we get hurt.

 

[KeyahGirl]

I'm really interested in your observation not for the sake of argument but for understanding & sharing. arrgh.. The limits of not having tone of voice and facial expression has me on eggshells lately. Just want to explain that my questions & comments are sincere & with best intentions.

Awesome! I sense no rancor in your questions, btw. I am just as interested in you are in discourse, and I will try to answer as truthfully as I am able.

***

I'm just wondering if the average WA guy('white american' I usually call them EuroAm to parallel AfroAm but i don't want to be confusing) is even attracted to the average, un-enhanced, un-hollywood WA female?

Are Regina, S. Epatha and Chandra Wilson representative of the average BA woman?

In my view, the above women are more likely the "type" you will see walking down the street in any black neighborhood on any given day. In fact, I swore I saw S. Epatha in Fort Greene the other day at one of my fave restaurants. My brother was with me and he is a L & O fiend and he was like, "No, that's not her." But he admitted that the woman did look a lot like her. I maintain that you are far more likely to see an S. Epatha lookalike than you will a Paula Patton lookalike or someone who looks like, say, Kerry Wilson. Aisha Tyler is a slightly different story - I find her to be the average "pretty" black girl, i.e., nice skin, proportioned body, a few typically "black" features. There are far more Aishas in the world than there are Paulas or Kerrys, but probably even more Reginas than there are Aishas.

I'd say I'm average and the men I mentioned in my previous post were all Americans except for my current husband and one SO.

I'd disagree. If that's you in your avatar, you're gawgeous! Lovely skin and cheekbones. You have a beautifully well-proportioned face.

My ex-husband and the other two serious rel'ps w/ marriage proposals( with meeting the folks & family) were homegrown WBs.

I guess I never expected any less. I could've been naive tho'.

LOL, no I don't think you're naive at all. Again, I don't find you to be average-looking, but even if I did, I agree that there are exceptions to every rule. I'm not going to stand here and say that some less-than-attractive AA women won't be able to catch the eye of a marriage-minded White American male. That would be foolish. But on average? I think there are more WM dating above-average-looking BW than are dating average girls. I again use the women in this very section to back up my argument. All of them are lovely, some of them could be models. I have not yet found a woman on this board who has said she is dating or has dated a WM who I found to be average in looks.

Who is Ayannah Jones in relation to Joe Smith? I mean beyond her average exterior? Are there elements of living in different worlds(classes, educational, lifestyle etc. gulfs..huge differences between them)?

This is an excellent question. I will use myself as an example. I am a classically trained cellist. I am now at Columbia University getting my graduate degree in cello performance. I speak three languages - Russian, English and Spanish. I have lived abroad. I despise rap music and have season tickets to the opera and to the New York Philharmonic. I watch the BBC regularly and read magazines like The New Yorker and The Economist. I have more in common culturally and socially with the average White male living and working a white-collar job in New York than I have with black males from my old neighborhood. Yet, I have had zero white boyfriends, even though since age 8, when I first started playing cello, I have been around white American men and white men of European extraction day in and day out. Most of my friends are white and male. My best, busom pal is white and male. Yet I have had - I'll say it again - ZERO white boyfriends. I have been told by white men that I am the "perfect" girl, have everything in common with them, but they are not attracted to me. I had a guy who was a third-generation Russian-American befriend me to practice his Russian. We had tons in common and enjoyed each other's company. Yet, he dated a Thai girl who barely spoke English and fussed with him all the time. She was gorgeous, though.

But I can't stress this enough - my experiences are just that. Mine. The OP asked a question, and I answered it the best way I, personally, knew how. If it's your experience that average black women can attract a white man's attention for a real relationship, then I can't and won't argue with that. Everyone's experiences are different. But I really don't think - and it has been alluded to on this board in several threads that are now locked - that every black woman in the world will be able to attract a marriage-minded white man. I just don't think that is possible.

 

[hennagirl]

I realize after reading your posts that I was not as clear as I had hoped to be. Obviously, women must be vigilant in all relationships. I had hoped to convey there was an added dimension present moving from one culture/race to another where there may be unfamiliarity with the norms and mores. Yes, I believe that there are different norms and mores between the cultures/races. I think it is easier to for a woman to detect insincerity within her own culture/race. I also believe that if there really were so many meaningful relationships between the races, this thread would have been framed differently. I stand by my opinion, which is just one person, that Joe Smith and Ayanna Stephens are NOT getting together unless she's beautiful and/or rich. I don't believe that AA women and Amercan white males who share similar backgrounds and/or environmental experiences such as school or the workplace are going to get together for a meaningful relationship unless she's considered beautiful by his standards. I think that American white males will marry average looking white women with similar backgrounds/experiences but not AA women. This is just my opinion which I am willing to restate because as more and more AA men are unavailable for various reasons, AA women will turn to men of other cultures/races.

 

[facets]

I realize after reading your posts that I was not as clear as I had hoped to be. Obviously, women must be vigilant in all relationships. I had hoped to convey there was an added dimension present moving from one culture/race to another where there may be unfamiliarity with the norms and mores. Yes, I believe that there are different norms and mores between the cultures/races. I think it is easier to for a woman to detect insincerity within her own culture/race. I also believe that if there really were so many meaningful relationships between the races, this thread would have been framed differently. I stand by my opinion, which is just one person, that Joe Smith and Ayanna Stephens are NOT getting together unless she's beautiful and/or rich. I don't believe that AA women and Amercan white males who share similar backgrounds and/or environmental experiences such as school or the workplace are going to get together for a meaningful relationship unless she's considered beautiful by his standards. I think that American white males will marry average looking white women with similar backgrounds/experiences but not AA women. This is just my opinion which I am willing to restate because as more and more AA men are unavailable for various reasons, AA women will turn to men of other cultures/races.

Do you think this is true or similar for other non-AA(Asian-Am, Latino-Am, Indian-Am, Middle Eastern men from here, etc) men as well?

 

[facets]

I've been Googling photos like crazy over here. I wasn't sure what some of the actresses you mentioned looked like.

I'm still trying to figure out men and will surely die before I do , so I have no real way of knowing what they're thinking most of the time.
For some white men, it could very well be a case of cherry-picking.. maybe some feel that they must have (what they perceive to be) the best of everything, including women of color. I can defintely see that tendency.
I've noticed that tendency in many successful AA men too tho'.

***
Thanks for the compliment/vote of confidence re: my attractiveness level. Oh lordy, I wish I could agree. When I'm fixed up I do feel pretty good and confident but other times .

***
I hope that I'm not getting too personal but are you attracted to white men? If so, do you instantly assume that they wouldn't be interested because of your experiences with other white males? I can understand that everyone has their own experience and viewpoint. I guess I was just a bit surprised to hear it.

My thing is that Northern Californian men(of all colors) are chickens who rarely approach women. I could go on about this one forever. I found the East Coast men(of all colors) much more friendly and assertive (not in a gross way). Hwvr, I've talked to other women (some here at LHCF) who do "just fine, thank you very much" in the Bay Area. So, I guess it all depends.<shrug>


I did like the distinction that you and HennaGirl made between flings and mates/wives. I'd never stopped to think about the thread title & what it means to "get" a man. Yes, getting sex is easy. Too easy.

***
Keyah, you sound like a total catch... the men you've met & known are obviously asleep or delirious. I am sure the right man will come your way.

***
Sort of 'out of left field' but just flashed across my mind: I know that men have preferences for certain physical types, but it seems that some men take it to an extreme. Have you noticed how much the last three of John Derek's wives(Ursula Andress, Linda Evans, and Bo Derek) resemble(d) each other? Totally creepy & Stepford-y.<shudder>

I'd like to believe that we each have an 'audience', that we're the ideal for some men. I'm not sure how much I believe in soulmates anymore but I do think there is 'someone for everyone.'

Awesome! I sense no rancor in your questions, btw. I am just as interested in you are in discourse, and I will try to answer as truthfully as I am able.

***


In my view, the above women are more likely the "type" you will see walking down the street in any black neighborhood on any given day. In fact, I swore I saw S. Epatha in Fort Greene the other day at one of my fave restaurants. My brother was with me and he is a L & O fiend and he was like, "No, that's not her." But he admitted that the woman did look a lot like her. I maintain that you are far more likely to see an S. Epatha lookalike than you will a Paula Patton lookalike or someone who looks like, say, Kerry Wilson. Aisha Tyler is a slightly different story - I find her to be the average "pretty" black girl, i.e., nice skin, proportioned body, a few typically "black" features. There are far more Aishas in the world than there are Paulas or Kerrys, but probably even more Reginas than there are Aishas.



I'd disagree. If that's you in your avatar, you're gawgeous! Lovely skin and cheekbones. You have a beautifully well-proportioned face.



LOL, no I don't think you're naive at all. Again, I don't find you to be average-looking, but even if I did, I agree that there are exceptions to every rule. I'm not going to stand here and say that some less-than-attractive AA women won't be able to catch the eye of a marriage-minded White American male. That would be foolish. But on average? I think there are more WM dating above-average-looking BW than are dating average girls. I again use the women in this very section to back up my argument. All of them are lovely, some of them could be models. I have not yet found a woman on this board who has said she is dating or has dated a WM who I found to be average in looks.




This is an excellent question. I will use myself as an example. I am a classically trained cellist. I am now at Columbia University getting my graduate degree in cello performance. I speak three languages - Russian, English and Spanish. I have lived abroad. I despise rap music and have season tickets to the opera and to the New York Philharmonic. I watch the BBC regularly and read magazines like The New Yorker and The Economist. I have more in common culturally and socially with the average White male living and working a white-collar job in New York than I have with black males from my old neighborhood. Yet, I have had zero white boyfriends, even though since age 8, when I first started playing cello, I have been around white American men and white men of European extraction day in and day out. Most of my friends are white and male. My best, busom pal is white and male. Yet I have had - I'll say it again - ZERO white boyfriends. I have been told by white men that I am the "perfect" girl, have everything in common with them, but they are not attracted to me. I had a guy who was a third-generation Russian-American befriend me to practice his Russian. We had tons in common and enjoyed each other's company. Yet, he dated a Thai girl who barely spoke English and fussed with him all the time. She was gorgeous, though.

But I can't stress this enough - my experiences are just that. Mine. The OP asked a question, and I answered it the best way I, personally, knew how. If it's your experience that average black women can attract a white man's attention for a real relationship, then I can't and won't argue with that. Everyone's experiences are different. But I really don't think - and it has been alluded to on this board in several threads that are now locked - that every black woman in the world will be able to attract a marriage-minded white man. I just don't think that is possible.

 

[hennagirl]

Do you think this is true or similar for other non-AA(Asian-Am, Latino-Am, Indian-Am, Middle Eastern men from here, etc) men as well?

Kaybeegee, I do not have any experience with non-American men from other cultures, so I cannot comment on their motivations. Because I do not have this experience I have tried to be very specific in my posts that I am referring to my anecdotal experience with American white men.

 

[Afrolinda]

Keyahgirl, I want to support your point. I reiterate my disclaimer from my original post that my opinions are anecdotal and reflect only my own experience with American white men. Keyahgirl, I believe that you are absolutely right and I loved your analagy of Joe Smith and Ayanna Jones, they are NOT going to get together for a meaningful relationship. Many AA women are looking for meaningful relationships and are willing to cross the color line. I am willing to be considered wrong, "out-of-touch", a "hater" or any other designation if I can help one AA woman avoid hurt or disappointment. AA women need to be careful in interracial relationships if they don't look like Beyonce or own their own Fortune 500 company, IMO.[/quote]

Actually women in a relationship with a man of ANY race needs to be careful. Just because a man is your race doesn't mean he isn't going to try and use a sister for a piece.

To me, your post ignores the hundreds of thousands of loving relationships between WM/BW that have gone on for decades. And believe me, not all of those women looked like Bey, or were rolling in dough.

I live in Texas...and I see Miss Plain Jane AAs with Decent Looking WM all the time. In fact, I've seen it in quite a few places, including New York, where I used to live. So I'm speaking from MY experience.

I agree with you womanlycharm in my whole life I saw more black men playing with black women than any other ethnicity I mean have you ever heard of Chris Rock's joke: "You're a black women looking for love but they are only black men available" he made a good point. I mean from what I hear African-American men don't marry African-American women that fast, for example: p.diddy and even if they marry you they still can play you like any other man example:kobe bryant etc.....

 

[hennagirl]

I agree with you womanlycharm in my whole life I saw more black men playing with black women than any other ethnicity I mean have you ever heard of Chris Rock's joke: "You're a black women looking for love but they are only black men available" he made a good point. I mean from what I hear African-American men don't marry African-American women that fast, for example: p.diddy and even if they marry you they still can play you like any other man example:kobe bryant etc.....

Please note my clarification post.

I realize after reading your posts that I was not as clear as I had hoped to be. Obviously, women must be vigilant in all relationships. I had hoped to convey there was an added dimension present moving from one culture/race to another where there may be unfamiliarity with the norms and mores. Yes, I believe that there are different norms and mores between the cultures/races. I think it is easier to for a woman to detect insincerity within her own culture/race. I also believe that if there really were so many meaningful relationships between the races, this thread would have been framed differently. I stand by my opinion, which is just one person, that Joe Smith and Ayanna Stephens are NOT getting together unless she's beautiful and/or rich. I don't believe that AA women and Amercan white males who share similar backgrounds and/or environmental experiences such as school or the workplace are going to get together for a meaningful relationship unless she's considered beautiful by his standards. I think that American white males will marry average looking white women with similar backgrounds/experiences but not AA women. This is just my opinion which I am willing to restate because as more and more AA men are unavailable for various reasons, AA women will turn to men of other cultures/races.

 

[Afrolinda]

Please note my clarification post.

I realize after reading your posts that I was not as clear as I had hoped to be. Obviously, women must be vigilant in all relationships. I had hoped to convey there was an added dimension present moving from one culture/race to another where there may be unfamiliarity with the norms and mores. Yes, I believe that there are different norms and mores between the cultures/races. I think it is easier to for a woman to detect insincerity within her own culture/race. I also believe that if there really were so many meaningful relationships between the races, this thread would have been framed differently. I stand by my opinion, which is just one person, that Joe Smith and Ayanna Stephens are NOT getting together unless she's beautiful and/or rich. I don't believe that AA women and Amercan white males who share similar backgrounds and/or environmental experiences such as school or the workplace are going to get together for a meaningful relationship unless she's considered beautiful by his standards. I think that American white males will marry average looking white women with similar backgrounds/experiences but not AA women. This is just my opinion which I am willing to restate because as more and more AA men are unavailable for various reasons, AA women will turn to men of other cultures/races.

You are right but not only white American men act like that, this also counts for other men. I have an African friend (he's from my country ) who works in an embassy in New-York for a couple of years now, when I went there and I asked them if he had any relationship with an African-American women, he said:"hell no" and when I asked him why he's reacting this way he said he didn't want to have relationships with Afro-American women because they are loud, gettho and don't have the same culture or social background as him. So I think a lot of men think like that and not only the white American men because that is the image that they get from TV and the media.

 

[facets]

Kaybeegee, I do not have any experience with non-American men from other cultures, so I cannot comment on their motivations. Because I do not have this experience I have tried to be very specific in my posts that I am referring to my anecdotal experience with American white men.

No problem, Hennagirl... I appreciate your honesty & clarity! Thanks!

 

[PinkPeony]

I can't actually believe that some people are trying to fit black women and white men into these little categories.

I have met some damn horrible black AND white men. And I've met other really sweet, handsome black, white, and other men.

Any woman has to be cautious of ANY man. Least we get hurt.

I agree with you

@Kay
good to see you

 

[delp]

Shanikeys you make a very solid point.

A black guy with a black girlfriend who takes off her extensions/braids and is rocking a braidout will probably ask her, "When are you getting your hair done?" A white (or any other ethnicity) guy with a black girlfriend (I can't say this from experience, I'm just painting a scenario here) who takes out her extensions and is rocking a braidout or a fro might get comments about how different it looks, how the texture of her hair is so fascinating, etc.

I was in my school and went to the cafeteria in a kaftan I got from home (Nigeria) and some thong slippers, and I let my (short-ish) hair out in a braid out, no make up. All the white guys who were in my class commented on my appearance in a positive light. My black guy friends asked me if I just woke up, and if I had an appointment at the salon for later in the evening.

I am quite dark (don't let the siggy fool you ) and in the summer I get even blacker. I get hit on by white, Arab, other-country-African, and Mexican men on the daily. And I do notice that light skinned women do not seem to get hit on by men of other ethinicities more, but the AA brothers lose their minds over a 'redbone' :eyebrows2. Even in Nigeria, most of the women who had husbands from other countries were really really darkskinned.

I feel what you are saying. This has been my experience to. When I was ntaural for two years, the black guys at my job would talk about my kitchen naps. They thought it was funny. I was ignored everywhere I went. When my white male friend took me out to a dinner at an upscale restaurant, people wanted to hold an intervention with me. I was like , What the HELL.

 

[facets]

I agree with you

@Kay
good to see you

hey Ella!

 

[UmSumayyah]

I feel what you are saying. This has been my experience to. When I was ntaural for two years, the black guys at my job would talk about my kitchen naps. They thought it was funny. I was ignored everywhere I went. When my white male friend took me out to a dinner at an upscale restaurant, people wanted to hold an intervention with me. I was like , What the HELL.

So they didn't go thru with it? Did they decide you were beyond help?

 

[aqualung]

I'm dark skinned, pretty, size 0/2 with arm pit length relaxed hair. I'm soft-spoken in relationships. I let the guy do all of the chasing and heavy lifting. I'm also on a lucrative career track.

I get a lot of attention from Euros and Asians. I have been told by black male friends that this happens because of my features and mannerisms. I'm what the Euros and Asians are accustomed to, only colored darker. (I suspect that a lot of internationals want to become US citizens one way or another. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is a major turn off for them. They aren't used to independent American girls, must less strong black women. They want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

When black professional guys approach me, they usually know about my career plans, and they want to collaborate. It's always "Let's form a power couple." It's never "Damn, girl! You've got a fat ass!" (I suspect that a lot of them want a meal ticket. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is also a turn off for black professional dudes. Sure, their moms were strong and black. But they want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

In my experience, it's best to act more docile than you actually feel, no matter what race you're dating... *batting eyes*

 

[JFemme]

I'm dark skinned, pretty, size 0/2 with arm pit length relaxed hair. I'm soft-spoken in relationships. I let the guy do all of the chasing and heavy lifting. I'm also on a lucrative career track.

I get a lot of attention from Euros and Asians. I have been told by black male friends that this happens because of my features and mannerisms. I'm what the Euros and Asians are accustomed to, only colored darker. (I suspect that a lot of internationals want to become US citizens one way or another. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is a major turn off for them. They aren't used to independent American girls, must less strong black women. They want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

When black professional guys approach me, they usually know about my career plans, and they want to collaborate. It's always "Let's form a power couple." It's never "Damn, girl! You've got a fat ass!" (I suspect that a lot of them want a meal ticket. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is also a turn off for black professional dudes. Sure, their moms were strong and black. But they want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

In my experience, it's best to act more docile than you actually feel, no matter what race you're dating... *batting eyes*

YOU, my dear, are ONE very smart cookie ! :Rose:

 

[HairPhoenix]

Keyahgirl, I want to support your point. I reiterate my disclaimer from my original post that my opinions are anecdotal and reflect only my own experience with American white men. Keyahgirl, I believe that you are absolutely right and I loved your analagy of Joe Smith and Ayanna Jones, they are NOT going to get together for a meaningful relationship. Many AA women are looking for meaningful relationships and are willing to cross the color line. I am willing to be considered wrong, "out-of-touch", a "hater" or any other designation if I can help one AA woman avoid hurt or disappointment. AA women need to be careful in interracial relationships if they don't look like Beyonce or own their own Fortune 500 company, IMO.

I know that this is your opinion and I have read through your subsequent posts and understand where you are coming from, but I have to say that I am offended that Beyonce is being held as the standard of beauty for Black women here. But that's another thread.

Anyway, I am dark-skinned, I don't look a thing like Bey, and I don't own a Fortune 500 company... yet . However, I have been in relationships with men of other races including white American men. These were relationships that included meeting their parents and spending a lot of social time with their friends. I consider myself attractive, well-educated, well-rounded, and worldly. I was raised in a middle class family. Some of the white men I dated were high rollers, one from old money. This was dating with two serious marriage proposals. So it's possible.

I will back up your stance regarding Joe Smith and Ayanna Jones, to a degree. If a Sheniquah or a Shetaytay from 'round the way (ghetto) end up in a relationship with a white man, he will probably be someone on a similar socio-economic level as her (i.e. trailer park white trash, ghetto white boy, white boy wannabe-rapper types). Not to offend anyone, but y'all should know what I mean. This has been my observation.

OTOH, I have two close family members (one is brown-skinned, one is light-skinned) who have been married to white men for years. One couple met at their workplace and they hated each other in the beginning. They ended up dating. Now they have been married for 13 years and have two children under the age of 10 (planned). The other couple met, started dating, and have been happily married for 20 years now. The men are average looking. I'm biased about my family members. While the world may find them average looking, I find them beautiful. I think it helps that the two men come from tolerant, open-minded families. We all get together during the holidays or special occassions, our family and theirs all together, and it's not a big deal.

The thing about men, of all races, is that they are visual creatures first. They will go to what they are physically attracted to first and if there is something deeper to explore, then it will happen. If there's nothing deeper, then it will be a situation focused on sex rather than a relationship. If a white man feels pressured by his family and peers to not cross cultures, then it's not likely to happen... unless he is the type who just doesn't give a damn what people think. That's not to say that the only reason they don't cross over is because of pressure to not do so, but for a lot of them it is unthinkable because of that pressure.

 

[HairPhoenix]

I'm dark skinned, pretty, size 0/2 with arm pit length relaxed hair. I'm soft-spoken in relationships. I let the guy do all of the chasing and heavy lifting. I'm also on a lucrative career track.

I get a lot of attention from Euros and Asians. I have been told by black male friends that this happens because of my features and mannerisms. I'm what the Euros and Asians are accustomed to, only colored darker. (I suspect that a lot of internationals want to become US citizens one way or another. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is a major turn off for them. They aren't used to independent American girls, must less strong black women. They want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

When black professional guys approach me, they usually know about my career plans, and they want to collaborate. It's always "Let's form a power couple." It's never "Damn, girl! You've got a fat ass!" (I suspect that a lot of them want a meal ticket. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is also a turn off for black professional dudes. Sure, their moms were strong and black. But they want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

In my experience, it's best to act more docile than you actually feel, no matter what race you're dating... *batting eyes*

This entire post is a gem. The bolded has me It's words of wisdom.

 

[facets]

I'm dark skinned, pretty, size 0/2 with arm pit length relaxed hair. I'm soft-spoken in relationships. I let the guy do all of the chasing and heavy lifting. I'm also on a lucrative career track.

I get a lot of attention from Euros and Asians. I have been told by black male friends that this happens because of my features and mannerisms. I'm what the Euros and Asians are accustomed to, only colored darker. (I suspect that a lot of internationals want to become US citizens one way or another. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is a major turn off for them. They aren't used to independent American girls, must less strong black women. They want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

When black professional guys approach me, they usually know about my career plans, and they want to collaborate. It's always "Let's form a power couple." It's never "Damn, girl! You've got a fat ass!" (I suspect that a lot of them want a meal ticket. Beware!)
NOTE: The "strong black woman" is also a turn off for black professional dudes. Sure, their moms were strong and black. But they want a cute trophy chick who does NOT challenge them much.

In my experience, it's best to act more docile than you actually feel, no matter what race you're dating... *batting eyes*

ITA, Stealth is best.

 

[HairPhoenix]

more George and Mellody

Not to get all in the sister's business but to reiterate my point that class and socialization is a bigger factor than specific color.

I knew that George Lucas was dating a sistah, but I didn't know it was Mellody Hobson. Vogue did an article on her a couple of years ago and she stuck in my mind. The article was about how she came up from nothing and built her company herself. From what I remember, she never met her father, but her mother afforded her a middle class upbringing. One of the main points of the article was at that point, when the article was written, even though she had made it to the top she still had not found a mate.

What I will never forget about the article was Mellody discussing the day she lost her Chanel virginity. I can't wait until that day comes for me.

 

[facets]

I knew that George Lucas was dating a sistah, but I didn't know it was Mellody Hobson. Vogue did an article on her a couple of years ago and she stuck in my mind. The article was about how she came up from nothing and built her company herself. From what I remember, she never met her father, but her mother afforded her a middle class upbringing. One of the main points of the article was at that point, when the article was written, even though she had made it to the top she still had not found a mate.

What I will never forget about the article was Mellody discussing the day she lost her Chanel virginity. I can't wait until that day comes for me.

Me too! Perfume and scarves aren't cutting it! Of course, I need to get back into their size range again, so G-d willing, by then the $$$ will be free.

 

[HairPhoenix]

Me too! Perfume and scarves aren't cutting it! Of course, I need to get back into their size range again, so G-d willing, by then the $$$ will be free.

Not to get too off topic, but the article (being in Vogue, or course) was mostly about whether Mellody's fashion sense was too bold for her field. She dresses less conservatively than most of the people she does business with. The people at Vogue were eating it up, they loved her wardrobe.

Mellody and George, eh? Two of my idols together.

 

[facets]

Not to get too off topic, but the article (being in Vogue, or course) was mostly about whether Mellody's fashion sense was too bold for her field. She dresses less conservatively than most of the people she does business with. The people at Vogue were eating it up, they loved her wardrobe.

Mellody and George, eh? Two of my idols together.

I kinda thought you'd get a kick out of it...dh did too!