Do other races of men approach you?

[naijamerican]

The black women most susceptible to acting like groupies around white men are often the types who stuck with black men because they felt non-black men weren't checking for them. I've been around to see some of these women get holla'ed at by good looking white men for the first time and the scene is always seriously embarassing to the race. erplexed I give off an "ain't nobody checking for you" vibe too and that's honest. A lot of these white men are just as supertrifling as the triflingest brotha, except whites can be way more covert with their ish, which is how sistas get fooled.

Thiends: I've seen this too, and NaijaTroll, I'll give you an example: I know someone whose Facebook status was that they, an African American woman, got asked on a date by a White man. I was embarrassed because I felt that it fed into the notion that attracting a nonBlack man was like finding a pot of gold with a leprechaun dancing atop of it at the end of a rainbow. Maybe it doesn't happen to her very often? It happens to me and it's not a big deal at all. Even so, why would you make that your status update? I just don't get that. And don't you know people were "liking" it and and making all manner of comments about how "they" like "us" too.

Per the bolded, I give off the same vibe and I attribute it to the fact that since I grew up with White people for most, if not all, of my remembered life, there's nothing special about them to me and I feel no need to seek their validation. It's only as I've gotten older (and acquired a bit more curves in the African lady parts ) that I've stared receiving equal attention from White men and Black men.

To answer the original question, yes, men from other races approach me. Men from the Caucus mountains seem to like me a lot, even though I'm not attracted to them. And I've tried to be, if only to expand my horizons, but I find that I'm mostly attracted to ethnic minority men.

 

[NaijaTroll]

Even so, why would you make that your status update? I just don't get that. And don't you know people were "liking" it and and making all manner of comments about how "they" like "us" too.

.

Gross

 

[divatude]

ashanti is not hood, plenty of men of different races would date her.

ur reasons for whats hood and ghetto dont make any sense.

 

[NaijaTroll]

Im confused

Am I supposed to care that you disagree with my post? erplexed

I think Ashanti is Hood and you dont. Now what?

 

[serendipity]

I find the notion of white men being attracted to black women who are unlikely to associate with black men both fascinating and insulting. Why should a black woman's 'acceptance' be predicated on her having minimal or no relations with those of her ethnic background? Something about that is just not right to my understanding. My interpretation of this is that a black woman is somehow elevated for not identifying with her culture which leaves a sour taste in my mouth. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that it's covertly racist.

I am attracted to some white men but I would never approve or disapprove of them on the basis of whether they relate with their own kind. I only make distinctions based on the usual parameters: education, class and conduct. Most people aren't attracted to 'ghetto' types and that's perfectly reasonable in my view.

I do believe based on anecdotal evidence that white men who date IR are for the most part attracted to darker skin. My dark skinned friends get approached by them much more frequently. Even online, I seem to get far more responses from black men, whereas my dark skinned friend gets alot of responses from white men.
Someone compared Sanaa to Kelly R but I don't see a whole lot of difference between these two besides skin tone. In fact Sanaa is probably more demure and low key than Kelly.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

@NaijaTroll: Girrrrrrl, how you gonna ask me to go in depth when you know how LHCF do?

Thiends, tell us some stories!

 

[natural_one]

I got approached today by a YT corporate cutie...I am taken, but if I wasn't I would have given him my number. I think it has to do with where you live. I live in the DC area where it is really diverse, and interracial relationships are commonplace.

 

[SND411]

Men can be so insecure

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

@Thiends: I've seen this too, and @NaijaTroll, I'll give you an example: I know someone whose Facebook status was that they, an African American woman, got asked on a date by a White man. I was embarrassed because I felt that it fed into the notion that attracting a nonBlack man was like finding a pot of gold with a leprechaun dancing atop of it at the end of a rainbow. Maybe it doesn't happen to her very often? It happens to me and it's not a big deal at all. Even so, why would you make that your status update? I just don't get that. And don't you know people were "liking" it and and making all manner of comments about how "they" like "us" too.

Per the bolded, I give off the same vibe and I attribute it to the fact that since I grew up with White people for most, if not all, of my remembered life, there's nothing special about them to me and I feel no need to seek their validation. It's only as I've gotten older (and acquired a bit more curves in the African lady parts ) that I've stared receiving equal attention from White men and Black men.

To answer the original question, yes, men from other races approach me. Men from the Caucus mountains seem to like me a lot, even though I'm not attracted to them. And I've tried to be, if only to expand my horizons, but I find that I'm mostly attracted to ethnic minority men.

Yeah, I don't understand why Black women are awed when they find out white men are attracted to us. Um....they've always been attracted to us, it's just the reason and the motive that you need to be concerned with (that can be true with any man). Also, you don't want a man that "likes/loves Black women," ( I hate when people say, "You like Black women!? Whaaaaaaat! ") you want a man that likes you. We're not unicorns; white men are attracted to us because men are attracted to women, period.

Now I understand the OP's post about whether they approach because that's different to me. History tells us that white men have always been interested in Black women on a sexual level--so there's nothing to ooh and ahh about--but if you are interested in that type and want them to approach you on a courtship type of level, then say that. But when I see people talking about, "yeaaaah, he likes the chocolate!" um...ok? You didn't see Queen? They always liked it, they just weren't always putting rangs on it.*

*I'm sorry. A lil' Beyonce kicked up in my spirit.

 

[Thiends]

@Thiends: I've seen this too, and @NaijaTroll, I'll give you an example: I know someone whose Facebook status was that they, an African American woman, got asked on a date by a White man. I was embarrassed because I felt that it fed into the notion that attracting a nonBlack man was like finding a pot of gold with a leprechaun dancing atop of it at the end of a rainbow. Maybe it doesn't happen to her very often? It happens to me and it's not a big deal at all. Even so, why would you make that your status update? I just don't get that. And don't you know people were "liking" it and and making all manner of comments about how "they" like "us" too.

naijamerican: You know the kind of thirstiness I'm talking about. NaijaTroll and Goldenprincess: How about the time when I was out with some chick when two white guys approached us. One stood back grinning while the other said that he had never danced with a black girl before, but loved how we looked in videos. My face was like erplexed. I was about towalk away when the other chick proceeded to booty dance all up on the dude like she was auditioning for a music video. She wasn't even like that normally! The songs changed and she turned to try to get the guy's number when the two dudes just blithely moved on to the next group of girls. Chick still looked mesmerized as if she had just touched the hem of Jesus's cloak. erplexed I tried to lose her in the crowd after that. I hate it when I feel racial shame, but I felt really ashamed for the race that night.

Per the bolded, I give off the same vibe and I attribute it to the fact that since I grew up with White people for most, if not all, of my remembered life, there's nothing special about them to me and I feel no need to seek their validation. It's only as I've gotten older (and acquired a bit more curves in the African lady parts ) that I've stared receiving equal attention from White men and Black men.

This is it. White people have been my friends, dates, nemeses, teachers, neighbors, students etc. I know they don't have magical powers.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

I think the Keyshia Cole/LaLa/Monica type of Black women will attract the Paul Wall types of non-black men the most. I'm surprised you said that about Sanaa. She seems like she could have universal appeal. No comment on Eva Marcille with her new hairdo. I don't agree with what you said about Brandy because of her lacefronts.

Ha ha! Too funny! Yes, I was just telling my friend one day how Brandy's extensions are not the greatest. Im not one to talk about people, but i always thought if one has money, they should purchase better quality weaves. Let me not even touch on Tammy's weave from Basketball Wives.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

I never knew hoop earrings were considered ghetto. erplexed

Personally, I wouldn't consider them ghetto, but i do consider them urban. When i go to the white bars, im guilty of taking my gold hoop earrings out because i feel as though i will look too urban. And thats a shame that feel the need to do that. But, I honestly feel that the less urban i look, the better chances i have of being approached by non ethnic men.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

@NaijaTroll: A lot depends on the particular woman in question too. Ashanti has her hair slicked back in a tight ponytail and is wearing hoops with a fizoogly dress, yet something about her is too adorable/cutesy/dollish to look, er, "urban":

This Lala chick right here though has flowing hair and still looks, um, "urban", "hood", "of lower SES" and whatever other synonyms one can find:

No she didn't just say that La La looked like she is of lower social economic status. LMAO!!!! I would have left it as urban, but you said low SES too! La La got officially clowned!

 

[divatude]

i dont know how people on here can make generalization on what white men like. u know every single white guy? just because u had experience with a few doesnt mean u can make generalizations.

 

[naijamerican]

How about the time when I was out with some chick when two white guys approached us. One stood back grinning while the other said that he had never danced with a black girl before, but loved how we looked in videos. My face was like erplexed. I was about towalk away when the other chick proceeded to booty dance all up on the dude like she was auditioning for a music video. She wasn't even like that normally! The songs changed and she turned to try to get the guy's number when the two dudes just blithely moved on to the next group of girls. Chick still looked mesmerized as if she had just touched the hem of Jesus's cloak. erplexed I tried to lose her in the crowd after that. I hate it when I feel racial shame, but I felt really ashamed for the race that night.

Thiends, This really saddens me. To act like a totally different person than you normally are, just to get attention from a White man? I just don't get it. And I sincerely hope that I never do.

 

[greight]

@Thiends, This really saddens me. To act like a totally different person than you normally are, just to get attention from a White man? I just don't get it. And I sincerely hope that I never do.

I find it akin to any woman trying to fiend for the attention of any man. Women and girls will wear/do whatever to get a man, sometimes. I think race elevates the situation that much more.

Personally, I believe that black women (as a whole) falsely believe that white men aren't attracted to them for whatever reasons they think. I don't know... It's one thing if you prefer black men, but it's another if you think other men who aren't black won't. I guess it creates a quasi low-self esteem vibe? Similar to how you aren't going to attract men when you aren't confident about yourself.

 

[Oasis]

Personally, I wouldn't consider them ghetto, but i do consider them urban. When i go to the white bars, im guilty of taking my gold hoop earrings out because i feel as though i will look too urban. And thats a shame that feel the need to do that. But, I honestly feel that the less urban i look, the better chances i have of being approached by non ethnic men.

girl, you need to rock them hoops! ain't nothing wrong with looking urban. to some folks you'll be associated with urban anyway simply because you're black. if a guy isn't approaching you because of the size of your earrings he is not the one for you.
-------------

i wear hoops every.single.day. even wear one in my nose. when i go to the club/bar i wear them so big they almost sit on my shoulders. i personally do not think i look ghetto, hood or "urban" but i'm sure many on this board would disagree and i'm okay with that.

 

[Thiends]

Thiends, This really saddens me. To act like a totally different person than you normally are, just to get attention from a White man? I just don't get it. And I sincerely hope that I never do.

naijamerican and nagawa: Up until then, that chick had been real sly with her comments about me too, making it seem that I got approached by non-black men because I wasn't "real" enough for the brothas. Then that night happened and she was so excited and full of questions: Did I think they really liked her? Would they come back for her number? Did I think he [point at white guy] might dance with her too?

Edit: One more story: Another chick was dating what she was always proclaiming was her ideal man - a tall, very dark-skinned guy. Then one night, she hung out with me and an acquaintance of mine, a 5'8ish white dude. Complete opposite of her proclaimed type. I told her beforehand that he was trifling and would try to get in her pants. She was very dismissive, explaining as usual that she wasn't even into white guys at all. Well, as soon as the white dude started grinning at her, she was a goner. Smiling all in his face, holding his arm as they walked, letting him put his hand on her waist. I had already done my part by warning her, so I stayed out of that one and didn't try to find out if they carried on beyond that night. The guy knew what he was doing too. He still specializes in black chicks with low racial self-esteem, which is exactly why I went out of my way to warn her.

 

[greight]

Re: the "urban" thing

It's not bad to look urban nor do hoop earrings symbolize urban-ness. But I'd be lying if appearance doesn't make an impact on how society views you.

A white man who is attracted to you is a man who is attracted you, period. But some (to most) white men do think that black women only want black men so they take whatever sign (if you look at them, if you are hanging out with white people, etc) they get to get the courage to ask you out. You could be rocking a fro with the African continent on your t-shirt. But if you are giving signals that you are interested in talking to this man, he will pick up on it and roll with it (depending on how attracted he is to you).

Just like I feel that some black men will approach a black woman differently based on how she looks (meaning she doesn't look like a video ho), it's a similar thing.

IMO, I truly believe that black women suffer from the stereotype that they only like black men. Some of the anecdotes definitely point to this. Whenever this is dismissed in society, we won't have this issue.

 

[greight]

@naijamerican and @nagawa: Up until then, that chick had been real sly with her comments about me too, making it seem that I got approached by non-black men because I wasn't "real" enough for the brothas. Then that night happened and she was so excited and full of questions: Did I think they really liked her? Would they come back for her number? Did I think he [point at white guy] might dance with her too?

Edit: One more story: Another chick was dating what she was always proclaiming was her ideal man - a tall, very dark-skinned guy. Then one night, she hung out with me and an acquaintance of mine, a 5'8ish white dude. Complete opposite of her proclaimed type. I told her beforehand that he was trifling and would try to get in her pants. She was very dismissive, explaining as usual that she wasn't even into white guys at all. Well, as soon as the white dude started grinning at her, she was a goner. Smiling all in his face, holding his arm as they walked, letting him put his hand on her waist. I had already done my part by warning her, so I stayed out of that one and didn't try to find out if they carried on beyond that night. The guy knew what he was doing too. He still specializes in black chicks with low racial self-esteem, which is exactly why I went out of my way to warn her.

1st bolded - I hate it when people do that. I was returning home after partying Saturday night and had struck a convo up with this random (non-black) dude to pass the time since we were both waiting for the same train. An old black man passed me and then shouted, "Hey, you couldn't find yourself a black man?" Get the **** out. The non-black dude looked shell shocked at the outburst.

Seriously. Black men date white women all the damn time; Kanye had a line in his song talking about how a black man is going to leave us for a white girl. So if a non-black man takes an interest in me, suddenly I'm a traitor to my race for talking to him? Suddenly, no black man is going to want me now? Or, as your friend was trying to put forth, there's something "wrong" with me that black men aren't checking for me, but other men are?

All to say that black women should never put non-black men on a totem pole either since there are some trifling sh*t out there (as you pointed in the 2nd bolded). Oh, I have stories...

 

[Thiends]

1st bolded - I hate it when people do that. I was returning home after partying Saturday night and had struck a convo up with this random (non-black) dude to pass the time since we were both waiting for the same train. An old black man passed me and then shouted, "Hey, you couldn't find yourself a black man?" Get the **** out. The non-black dude looked shell shocked at the outburst.

Especially when I am not feeling any chemistry, sometimes I secretly hope that some brothas will act a fool when I am out with a white guy. Some of these guys get really shook -- I mean hands trembling, lips quivering, and all -- even when the black men in question are scrawny. Such incidents make for good stories to be told over brunch with my girls.

All to say that black women should never put non-black men on a totem pole either since there are some trifling sh*t out there (as you pointed in the 2nd bolded). Oh, I have stories...

nagawa: You have to share!

 

[Kalani]

This is it. White people have been my friends, dates, nemeses, teachers, neighbors, students etc. I know they don't have magical powers.

Omg!

In answer to this thread. I get approached by all races for the most part.

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I've had white men approach me on occasion. I used to stop by this bar after work some time and men that were staying in the upstairs hotel for conferences and stuff would strike up convos with me, give me their business cards, etc. But they were always much older than me.

Hispanic men don't like me at all.

Its funny I have the same feelings with men from Africa... oddly it always end up badly. Yet I'm of african origins but born and raised in canada. this is strange.

I get approached all men.

 

[Siren84]

I only get approached by men of other races. Specifically white men. Black men NEVER talk to me. I don't know why erplexed

 

[Katherina]

I have heard them say it's harder for them to date IR in the US as well. Someone has to first approach you sometimes before they can find out if you're foreign.
Also, a lot of African/Caribbean women tend to be smaller than AA women. That might help them a bit.

Not sure how much it helps in the interracial dating world but my ethnicity was definitely questioned twice by foreign men (one in the US, one not) based on my smaller size. It made me angry but it is interesting to note in the context of this thread.

white and Mexican guys approach me frequently and are quite forward with it. East Asians don't pay me any mind and Indians just stare. i'm neither friendly nor approachable. i have a perpetual "da ^%$& you lookin' at?" face. i never dress up or wear make up and my hair typically looks like a bird's nest. i could also lose a few or 20 pounds.

Bold: Me too

Oh, I wouldn't be surprised if she is "urban" giggle in actuality. I just don't think most people would say she looks "urban" in that picture, despite the hoops and tight ponytail. Lala, on the other hand, could be Obama's daughter and I would still hear the "Pigeon" song by Sporty Thieves playing whenever I saw her.

To answer the original question, yes, men from other races approach me. Men from the Caucus mountains seem to like me a lot, even though I'm not attracted to them. And I've tried to be, if only to expand my horizons, but I find that I'm mostly attracted to ethnic minority men.

Im confused

Am I supposed to care that you disagree with my post? erplexed

I think Ashanti is Hood and you dont. Now what?

You go internet HAM and I love it

I only get approached by men of other races. Specifically white men. Black men NEVER talk to me. I don't know why erplexed

Do you live in OR? There any other black people there? j/k

 

[BlackHairDiva]

When I wore my hair natural, yes!

This is odd!!! For me it was the opposite. When natural... Arab, Indian, black men started to appear like crazy. The white men where still approaching but at a smaller scale than usual...Asian men became non existent.

 

[Siren84]

Do you live in OR? There any other black people there? j/k

LOL there are some in my town. Fine brothas too. All college athletes though, so I'm sure you can imagine what they're like. But even when I lived in SoCal (where I'm from), same thing. And there is NO shortage there.

 

[Katherina]

No!

jk. Well, I used to not think so because I'm more frequently approached by African and Caribbean men who are quite overt in their pursuit (I'm talking about sensible pursuits here - if you add in foolishness, it's sadly often Black American men - "ey guh, what yo name is" while I'm trying to pump some gas or lookin DEAD at my booty like I'm meat while I'm in line someplace - or Mexican/ Guatemalan construction / agricultural workers who whistle, say something dumb in Spanish and stare).

But with a lot of non-black men I'm left there wondering if he's actually hitting on me (or is he just being nice)? Then when I ask a guy friend about it he usually will tell me that he was . I've only recently become less oblivious. Oh well!

ETA: Actually, it's easier for me to tell when I'm in a club / lounge setting than when I'm out and about. At clubs / lounges/ bars I am approached by non-black men - East Asian, White, etc. It's been so long (and it's so infrequent) since I've been to da club that I forgot .

 

[TrueBeliever]

@naijamerican: You know the kind of thirstiness I'm talking about. @NaijaTroll and @Goldenprincess: How about the time when I was out with some chick when two white guys approached us. One stood back grinning while the other said that he had never danced with a black girl before, but loved how we looked in videos. My face was like erplexed. I was about towalk away when the other chick proceeded to booty dance all up on the dude like she was auditioning for a music video. She wasn't even like that normally! The songs changed and she turned to try to get the guy's number when the two dudes just blithely moved on to the next group of girls. Chick still looked mesmerized as if she had just touched the hem of Jesus's cloak. erplexed I tried to lose her in the crowd after that. I hate it when I feel racial shame, but I felt really ashamed for the race that night.

That's just nasty.

 

[NaijaTroll]

I tried to lose her in the crowd after that.

Rofl