Would be upset if a guy took you to Red Lobster or Fridays for a date?

[GreenD]

Come on now. Is it the way you dress? Your hair? Your makeup? You specifically said "they look at me and they can tell what I'm use(d) to." Surely you know what kind of image you present to the world. I just wanted to know what it is that you're "presenting" that says "I don't do Red Lobster so don't even go there." Contrary to popular belief, ladies go to Wendy's and Olive Garden and hoodrats go to Ruth's Chris and Spago and Peter Luger as well. I know; I've seen them there.

My standards have nothing to do with how I look. They have to do with who I am. That's why I asked. No snippiness here.

Ok I'll try to take a stab at explaining where SparkleDoll may be coming from. Please do not bite my head off. Let's take Beyonce for example, now for a guy to step to Beyonce, do you think he's going to offer to take her to Red Lobster? Probably not, although she loves some Popeyes, that's neither here nor there. Stay with me, okay? So by looking at Beyonce and how she carries herself, you know 1. you can't even approach her if your ish isn't together, 2. the way she carries and presents herself pretty much tells you she's not falling for the okie doke, especially not off the bat so you better come correct (thus Jay-Z). Now after you've known Beyonce for a few weeks/months and you've wooed her, then you can suggest taking her somewhere like Red Lobster, if she hasn't already suggested it.

Now I don't know SparkleDoll and I'm not saying she is a Beyonce or that she's not, but for her (I'm guessing) she probably sees herself to be in more of a position to be very selective and/or to higher her standards then what someone else might. (Maybe this is because she was born into money and that standard of living is all she knows, and/or she's accomplished a lot and wants an equal and/or better man to compliment her, IDK). Because of this, I don't think (nor do I hope) she's making herself to be more superior than anyone on here, but that's just who she is. SparkleDoll, please don't make me to be liar, I'm really trying to help you here...

From experience, I have sorority sisters and friends that are the same way when it comes to dating, but some a little more than others. They are very accomplished young ladies, have graduated from ivy league/top schools, busted their butts, overcome obstacles to get where they are and have pretty high standards (as I would hope so!). I'd never imagine nor would want them with someone that doesn't have their ish together and/or that couldn't provide them with the life they've already made for themselves and/or better. Some were raised having and experiencing more than others and that's all they know. They can't help that and I don't think they should be teased for something they had no control over, the same goes as if you were born poor. That's something that's clearly out of your control.

If you were born into money then that's just who you are. If you weren't born into money (like me), but have accomplished alot on your own, and experienced a variety of things that expanded your tastes/preferences thus raising your standards I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. I don't think in either case there's reason to be arrogant, because what's been given can be taken away just as easily, and what you don't have can be provided/given/restored. In everything there should be balance, it's okay to expect to be taken to a 5 star restaurant on dates, so long as you are just as fine going to Wendy's on the next date. There's nothing wrong with someone that's used to going to Wendy's wanting to experience a 5-star restaurant either. People should get out and try new things and figure out what they like/dislike. Experience life and what is has to offer, even if you only do so through food!!

I hope this helped to clarify.

 

[Irresistible]

I dont know if one truly can speak for another

my radar detected a little bit of 'snootiness'


but whatever

Money or Eating in Certain Places does not buy you Class

 

[Irresistible]

But I do like what you said about what can be taken away and also what can be given

and Arrogance

thats ugly

 

[Bachelorette]

Diva, only reason Beyonce wouldnt be taken to RedLobster is cos the woman has money and status. No more no less. Dont see how she carries herself that makes her beyond Fridays. She'd most likely direct the man to Popeye's anyway.

Plenty of guys who take their hoodrats to upscale resturants to show off/impress them, doesnt mean the woman is no longer a hoodrat.

 

[Irresistible]

Diva, only reason Beyonce wouldnt be taken to RedLobster is cos the woman has money and status. No more no less. Dont see how she carries herself that makes her beyond Fridays. She'd most likely direct the man to Popeye's anyway.

Plenty of guys who take their hoodrats to upscale resturants to show off/impress them, doesnt mean the woman is no longer a hoodrat.

 

[NYAmicas]

I wouldnt be upset, as long as the food is great I dont care.

 

[Taliah]

Doesn't Bey openly talk about her love for Popeye's and going through Bk or Mcd drive ups?

 

[Determined22]

I personally try to avoid chain restaurants. I love local places better. I don't have to go somewhere expensive.

 

[Taliah]

I'm just sayin...
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=408648

 

[Kurlee]

Ok I'll try to take a stab at explaining where SparkleDoll may be coming from. Please do not bite my head off. Let's take Beyonce for example, now for a guy to step to Beyonce, do you think he's going to offer to take her to Red Lobster? Probably not, although she loves some Popeyes, that's neither here nor there. Stay with me, okay? So by looking at Beyonce and how she carries herself, you know 1. you can't even approach her if your ish isn't together, 2. the way she carries and presents herself pretty much tells you she's not falling for the okie doke, especially not off the bat so you better come correct (thus Jay-Z). Now after you've known Beyonce for a few weeks/months and you've wooed her, then you can suggest taking her somewhere like Red Lobster, if she hasn't already suggested it.

Now I don't know SparkleDoll and I'm not saying she is a Beyonce or that she's not, but for her (I'm guessing) she probably sees herself to be in more of a position to be very selective and/or to higher her standards then what someone else might. (Maybe this is because she was born into money and that standard of living is all she knows, and/or she's accomplished a lot and wants an equal and/or better man to compliment her, IDK). Because of this, I don't think (nor do I hope) she's making herself to be more superior than anyone on here, but that's just who she is. SparkleDoll, please don't make me to be liar, I'm really trying to help you here...

From experience, I have sorority sisters and friends that are the same way when it comes to dating, but some a little more than others. They are very accomplished young ladies, have graduated from ivy league/top schools, busted their butts, overcome obstacles to get where they are and have pretty high standards (as I would hope so!). I'd never imagine nor would want them with someone that doesn't have their ish together and/or that couldn't provide them with the life they've already made for themselves and/or better. Some were raised having and experiencing more than others and that's all they know. They can't help that and I don't think they should be teased for something they had no control over, the same goes as if you were born poor. That's something that's clearly out of your control.

If you were born into money then that's just who you are. If you weren't born into money (like me), but have accomplished alot on your own, and experienced a variety of things that expanded your tastes/preferences thus raising your standards I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. I don't think in either case there's reason to be arrogant, because what's been given can be taken away just as easily, and what you don't have can be provided/given/restored. In everything there should be balance, it's okay to expect to be taken to a 5 star restaurant on dates, so long as you are just as fine going to Wendy's on the next date. There's nothing wrong with someone that's used to going to Wendy's wanting to experience a 5-star restaurant either. People should get out and try new things and figure out what they like/dislike. Experience life and what is has to offer, even if you only do so through food!!

I hope this helped to clarify.

great rationale, but still snobby as hell

 

[meka]

I'm just sayin...
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=408648

You stoopid....lol

 

[LovingLengths]

In my area, we don't really have upscale restaurants, so as far as I am concerned, Red Lobster, Chilis, TGI Fridays, etc are all better than the drive thru at McDonalds.

 

[Vshanell]

No way. Red Lobster IS upscale where I live.

Really though....i could care less what the restaurant is, just not McDonalds or something.

 

[Nyssa28]

I'd be ok with it...

 

[Vshanell]

Really? Chain restaurants are a deal breaker?



DH took me to Olive Garden on our first date. I wish I MIGHT have been uppity about it. Please. Like Zaynab said, this is why men think women are difficult. RECOMMEND A DIZZAM RESTAURANT if it's that deep to you. Why women put so much on where a dude decides to eat is a mystery to me...IT'S JUST ONE MEAL! Sheesh.

I know right. I'm trippin out over this topic. I didn't realize people actually thought like this. I never will so I guess that makes my life a little simpler....Friday's here I come!

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Ok I'll try to take a stab at explaining where SparkleDoll may be coming from. Please do not bite my head off. Let's take Beyonce for example, now for a guy to step to Beyonce, do you think he's going to offer to take her to Red Lobster? Probably not, although she loves some Popeyes, that's neither here nor there. Stay with me, okay? So by looking at Beyonce and how she carries herself, you know 1. you can't even approach her if your ish isn't together, 2. the way she carries and presents herself pretty much tells you she's not falling for the okie doke, especially not off the bat so you better come correct (thus Jay-Z). Now after you've known Beyonce for a few weeks/months and you've wooed her, then you can suggest taking her somewhere like Red Lobster, if she hasn't already suggested it.

Now I don't know SparkleDoll and I'm not saying she is a Beyonce or that she's not, but for her (I'm guessing) she probably sees herself to be in more of a position to be very selective and/or to higher her standards then what someone else might. (Maybe this is because she was born into money and that standard of living is all she knows, and/or she's accomplished a lot and wants an equal and/or better man to compliment her, IDK). Because of this, I don't think (nor do I hope) she's making herself to be more superior than anyone on here, but that's just who she is. SparkleDoll, please don't make me to be liar, I'm really trying to help you here...

From experience, I have sorority sisters and friends that are the same way when it comes to dating, but some a little more than others. They are very accomplished young ladies, have graduated from ivy league/top schools, busted their butts, overcome obstacles to get where they are and have pretty high standards (as I would hope so!). I'd never imagine nor would want them with someone that doesn't have their ish together and/or that couldn't provide them with the life they've already made for themselves and/or better. Some were raised having and experiencing more than others and that's all they know. They can't help that and I don't think they should be teased for something they had no control over, the same goes as if you were born poor. That's something that's clearly out of your control.

If you were born into money then that's just who you are. If you weren't born into money (like me), but have accomplished alot on your own, and experienced a variety of things that expanded your tastes/preferences thus raising your standards I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. I don't think in either case there's reason to be arrogant, because what's been given can be taken away just as easily, and what you don't have can be provided/given/restored. In everything there should be balance, it's okay to expect to be taken to a 5 star restaurant on dates, so long as you are just as fine going to Wendy's on the next date. There's nothing wrong with someone that's used to going to Wendy's wanting to experience a 5-star restaurant either. People should get out and try new things and figure out what they like/dislike. Experience life and what is has to offer, even if you only do so through food!!

I hope this helped to clarify.

Soror, this was nice and all, but Beyonce is a poor example for a variety of reasons. And it STILL doesn't answer the question of what someone SEES (not knows about you, not what your upbringing was, not your education or any of that) as far as giving you some sort of automatic classification as to what you're supposed to have. Trust, it has less to do with you and more to do with them.

I'm not trying to bite anyone's head off; I'm just trying to understand how someone can just LOOK at somebody and make that kind of determination.

 

[GreenD]

Diva, only reason Beyonce wouldnt be taken to RedLobster is cos the woman has money and status. No more no less. Dont see how she carries herself that makes her beyond Fridays. She'd most likely direct the man to Popeye's anyway.

Plenty of guys who take their hoodrats to upscale resturants to show off/impress them, doesnt mean the woman is no longer a hoodrat.

That was my point exactly, maybe SparkleDoll and/or other women have money and status, thus my explanation for them not prefering such restaurants. Beyonce was just used an example. And I also agree (and mentioned) about Beyonce's preference of Popeye's. Beyonce I think was a great example to use, because she can literally have any food imported from around the world as she so desires, but yet and still has made it public that she loves some Popeye's!! See the balance of world class cuisine and Popeyes? One's no better than the other. The scale is balanced.

As for the hoodrat-upscale restaurant scenario I don't think there's nothing wrong with that at all. In fact I personally encourage people from one extreme to experience the other. That's what helps make people well rounded individuals and creates that balance I was describing. Now to go from rags to riches and forget where you came from that's another issue. I don't advocate someone carrying their head so high that they forget to look down as well. And no I don't mean looking down on people, but I mean knowing how to humble themselves.

 

[MrsSmitty77]

I wouldn't so much mind, but I am a very simple and easy going peson. My husband has been all over the world with the military and often likes to try new things, so we often go to differen areas to try different little resturants. But, I still have my old favorties.

 

[Taliah]

Soror, this was nice and all, but Beyonce is a poor example for a variety of reasons. And it STILL doesn't answer the question of what someone SEES (not knows about you, not what your upbringing was, not your education or any of that) as far as giving you some sort of automatic classification as to what you're supposed to have. Trust, it has less to do with you and more to do with them.

I'm not trying to bite anyone's head off; I'm just trying to understand how someone can just LOOK at somebody and make that kind of determination.

I was under the impression that LOOKS was the reason as well. Maybe I was wrong.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

I was under the impression that LOOKS was the reason as well. Maybe I was wrong.

Same here.

I mean, if this is a "pretty privileges" thing, just say so.

 

[Highly Favored8]

What! this date is better than Mickey D's you are joking right?

 

[Poranges]

Same here.

I mean, if this is a "pretty privileges" thing, just say so.

.......I love you LisaLisa..I swear to God...you're too straight to the bat...

 

[GreenD]

Soror, this was nice and all, but Beyonce is a poor example for a variety of reasons. And it STILL doesn't answer the question of what someone SEES (not knows about you, not what your upbringing was, not your education or any of that) as far as giving you some sort of automatic classification as to what you're supposed to have. Trust, it has less to do with you and more to do with them.

I'm not trying to bite anyone's head off; I'm just trying to understand how someone can just LOOK at somebody and make that kind of determination.

Ok so maybe Beyonce wasn't a good example because obviously Beyonce is well...Beyonce. But I think you get the gist of what I was trying to say. Reading back through your original question and SparkleDoll's comment on just looking at someone, most people judge a book by it's cover and make snap judgements/assumptions based on what they see.

That's like for example, with you being an AKA. I'm sure you've been told by some that you "look" like an AKA, without having para on and without you telling them. Or you were wearing para and/or told someone you were and they say, "Oh you look like an AKA". (I'm still stuck on what an AKA is supposed to look like but whatever). So I guess it's kind of the same thing, especially when they treat you differently after finding out you're an AKA/greek. Maybe that "AKA/greek look" means you stand with confidence, you're poised and refined with hair, make-up and nails always done and you're fashionable and because of your "look" you deserve more to the person stating it. IDK. But I don't think it's fair for some one to determine what you deserve based on such superficial/vain things like hair, nails and make-up. If that's the case I probably don't deserve much since I prefer not to wear make up and/or keep my nails done.

People go off of what "looks" to be something and respond how they think that "look" is to be treated, and determine what they deserve based on those snap judgements. People make snap judgements all the time. If you wear a weave you may be treated like you don't have hair, or maybe if you're overweight you're treated like you love to eat, or if you're a black man driving a nice Benz, you're treated like a crook or drug dealer. It's cleary rediculous to make those kinds of snap judgements, as those are the one's you usually regret, and I agree, it is more about the person making that assumption.


As for exactly what her look consists of (hair, make-up, clothing, etc.), you got me there. I have been refering to mostly the poise, grace, confidence, status and money aspect of a look (i.e., Beyonce). But whatever it is I'm sure she'll catch hell for it on here!!! erplexed

And thank you for not biting my head off!! I appreciate the sisterly love.

 

[newbiemom]

I think a chain restaraunt is a safe bet in the beginning. You don't know a persons tastes and it is not normally a romantic set upp so there is less pressure. I would not have a problem with it. Hell, my first date with my hubby was at Dennys. We were in college at the time but still. It's the company not the eatery.

 

[natstar]

I think a chain restaraunt is a safe bet in the beginning. You don't know a persons tastes and it is not normally a romantic set upp so there is less pressure. I would not have a problem with it. Hell, my first date with my hubby was at Dennys. We were in college at the time but still. It's the company not the eatery.

I agree. I have a friend who hated that she went to a chain eatery on a first/second date with a guy. She immediately considered it a deal breaker. I took it as a bit snooty since she ddin't know the guy, but I can't knock her for her standards. To each is own, but I still wish she would have suggested another place.

I def. wouldn't mind Red Lobster (never been) or another chain restuarant (hate fridays-and would let them know that too) for a 1st date spot, it really is all about the convo. If its a fast food resturant (i.e. Burger King) I wouldn't do it. I think guys know better.

If I don't want to go to a particular place, I always suggest another place. Nothing wrong with speaking up.

 

[GreenD]

But I do like what you said about what can be taken away and also what can be given

and Arrogance

thats ugly

Agree!! LOL!! You can be the prettiest woman (physically) in the world but still be the ugliest (emotionally) because of your arrogance/attitude. Men like confident not arrogance. It's foolish for people to be hung up on looks as those will fade with age. What counts is who you are as a person and your heart, that doesn't change.

 

[Bunny77]

I wish a man would try to take me to a McDonald's/Burger King type place for a first date... now THAT would be a dealbreaker!!!

 

[JustKiya]

Maybe I’m just not picky enough. Shoot, on my first date with my new boo we went to California Pizza Kitchen! He’s taken me to a wide variety of restaurants since then (including Red Lobster and TGI Fridays ), with a few 4 stars mixed in, but there was NO WAY that I expected him to take me to them.

I think both restaurants would be perfect for a first date IMO. Not too much, not too little.

Haha!!! DH & I, too!!!

We've actually had this conversation, since food holds a very prime spot in his life (he's a chef).

His explanation was simple - he could afford (and later did) to take me to those high-end spots - but he didn't, for two reasons.

1) A lot of women he's dated were not foodies - and especially the black women he dated. By any stretch of the imagination, and taking them to a high-end place would have been a straight waste of money.
And apparently, he didn't/doesn't have the ability that the men who approach SparkleDoll do, to be able to tell what a woman's expectations are based on what she looks like.

2) He wanted to be sure that I was worth spending that much money on. Could I eat with manners and my mouth closed? Did I modulate my voice after a couple of drinks? Could I carry on a decent conversation? Would I appreciate the food and wine, period? California Pizza Kitchen was a trial run, for us. Our second date, we went to one of the best restaurants in the city - because I had shown I was worthy - and would be appreciative.

And in SparkleDolls defense, if she speaks like she writes, I would assume that she gives off a slightly snobby/bougie/upper class attitude in person, which would do more for a man's expectation of what she expects than how she looks does. Perceptions of people are rarely purely visual in reality, and I can think of multiple ways to indicate that you ain't down with no damn Red Lobster within the first five minutes of talking to someone - without mentioning food, at all.

 

[MzLady78]

Soror, this was nice and all, but Beyonce is a poor example for a variety of reasons. And it STILL doesn't answer the question of what someone SEES (not knows about you, not what your upbringing was, not your education or any of that) as far as giving you some sort of automatic classification as to what you're supposed to have. Trust, it has less to do with you and more to do with them.

I'm not trying to bite anyone's head off; I'm just trying to understand how someone can just LOOK at somebody and make that kind of determination.

I was just thinking that Beyonce (or any celeb for that matter) probably isn't the best example, but I get what she was trying to say.

 

[Bunny77]

It's funny, because my thoughts are all over the place in this thread.

I stick to the assertion that Red Lobster and Friday's -- shoot, let me add Applebee's (ick), Olive Garden and Chili's -- are NOT dealbreakers for me. Dealbreakers are a big deal to me, and a restaurant choice is not enough on its own to be a dealbreaker.

However, the type of men that I date usually do not choose these restaurants as first/second/third dates. If we eventually go to these places, it's because it's late and everything else was closed, or we were at a mall and are hungry as heck, and these places are usually close by.

But I haven't been to one of these spots as a DESTINATION date (like, we planned an evening there) since I was in college. And it was okay then because money was tight and I was just happy to be going out.

At 31 though? Nah, I expect dudes to have more developed palates and more variety than to choose one of these spots over others.

Again, it's not about price. It's not even about the chain thing, as I'm cool with Cheesecake Factory, P.F. Chang's, Brio's and some of those places. It's more that the Red Lobster-type places seem to be at the bottom of the chain restaurant food chain, and I would hope that a man in his 30s would have developed more interesting tastes by this stage in his life. Heck, I'd rather go to Noodles and Company than Red Lobster/Chili's/Friday's/Olive Garden, so it's definitely not about price for me.

Also, I live in an area where there are good options, so that's not an excuse.

If you are woman who likes different options, you should say so if a man is asking for your suggestions on a date. I can relate to JustKiya's story, because one guy who took me out happened to mention Applebee's and I said, "Ugh. I hate the food there. Badly prepared American crap."

He then smiled and said, "ME TOO!!! But girls always seem to want to go there, so I just do. I'm so glad you spoke your mind." So we went to an equally-priced, yet more eclectic place... but if I hadn't spoken up, we would have been at Applebee's.

With my current guy, our first date was at an Indian restaurant. I picked that because I heard that he liked exotic food. He was very surprised that I wanted Indian on the first date, but he later told me that he went into the date with good vibes because he liked that I wanted something different. He went out with a few more women before we became exclusive, and he said that the dates were all at the usual chain type places... he said he enjoys trying different foods and restaurants with me.

Anyway, for me, the date issue is bigger than price or requiring an upscale experience... for me, it's more like, is he adventurous and creative, like me?

And yes, I can get down sometimes with Red Lobster/Olive Garden/Friday's/Chili's.

(Just not Applebee's. That just ain't happening!!! )