Thread for the heartbroken

nesha24 said:
the worst part of a break up is not always breaking up with the person you were with. sometimes its the thought of having to start all over again with someone else. it's scary, draining and sad.
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You ain't never lied.
Surprisingly, my mom has called or texted every day this week to check on me. She even posted a picture of me on facebook and said "look at my daughter, I'm so proud of her!" My mom is the hands off type and has never been emotional or nurturing. I'm shocked.
Then this morning my aunt called me boy she really said some things I needed to hear. She encouraged me and she didn't even know what I was dealing with. I'm really thankful for the support.
 
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Wow! I started this thread two years ago and oh how things have changed! I am such a different person now. Sure I would like to find love someday but right now I'm so content being single! Since my heartbreak, I have traveled the world, doubled my income, and the suitors are lined up even though I'm not looking. I have to beat them off with a stick because right now I'm doing me and loving it! Looking back I realized that the timing wasn't right and he just wasn't the one. That heartbreak was a blessing! I know what I want and I will not settle again. Stay strong ladies, things get better!!!
 
I almost just texted him. I'm pissed an hurt that he hasn't even tried to check on me this week. Like he just erased me from his life. It reinforces that I did the right thing, but it makes me angry at the same time. My son asked me about him yesterday and I had to tell him it was over. He looked so sad and said Momma I'm so sorry....I didn't just bring anyone around my children. He was the first and look how it ended up. I just don't want to hurt anymore. In some ways I hope he is hurting worse than I am but it seems like life is just going on with no thought of me. That stings. :cry2:
 
My heart goes out to all in this thread. I was recently where you are.....especially the deeply broken. It took me going to a therapist to sort out my feelings and to get over a man I loved for over seven years. We weren't together for seven consecutive years but I loved him that long. We both even dated other people but we always ended up back together. Then it ended.... again. Usually, I easily move on from an ex, but with him, it was different. I couldn't shake my feelings for him. A friend advised me to seek therapy. In one session, my therapist helped me to get over him. She pointed out:

1) We had a codependent relationship. Even though there were times where we went months without seeing each other while dating other people, we were available to the other person and fostered a strong emotional tie that way.

2) I had to cut off all ties to him to allow my body to fully grieve a natural loss. Until I let him go COMPLETELY, I was not going to let him go once and for all, emotionally.

3) I had to increase my network to find more men to see that for every quality I loved about him, about 100 other men also have that same quality. Until I increased my network substantially, I would continue to think he was the only one I could talk to about X, Y, or Z. I don't have to date those other men, I just have to know them.

That session was like GOLD to me! I grieved for weeks and finally let him go. The grieving process was like going through withdrawal but I am good now.

I say all this to say: seek help. Professional help. I talked to countless friends, girlfriends, cousins, etc. and all the conversations I had with them did not amount to one session with a therapist. Not the upteen conversations,
memes, inspirational quotes, bible verses, vision boards ....nothing helped until a trained person (a stranger) was able to objectively tell me about myself and my situation.

I encourage it. :yep:
 
crlsweetie912 said:
I almost just texted him. I'm pissed an hurt that he hasn't even tried to check on me this week. Like he just erased me from his life. It reinforces that I did the right thing, but it makes me angry at the same time. My son asked me about him yesterday and I had to tell him it was over. He looked so sad and said Momma I'm so sorry....I didn't just bring anyone around my children. He was the first and look how it ended up. I just don't want to hurt anymore. In some ways I hope he is hurting worse than I am but it seems like life is just going on with no thought of me. That stings. :cry2:
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Ugh, this is the worst. :( I thought about texting him with all my recent good news but then I remembered that in the 3 months since we ended things, he hasn't initiated contact not once. The 2 times we spoke, I hit him up. It hurts like hell and makes me feel like I never really meant anything to him, something I NEVER thought I'd feel. I always believed that even if things didn't work out, I'd look back and say that he did really love me once. But it also makes me more determined to get where he is. It probably isn't a coincidence that my life is moving in a much more positive direction since he's been out the picture.
 
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i really miss him today. i was driving from the grocery store and just started crying all the way back home. i called a friend to pray for me. it was bad. I sent him a text and told him i missed him. in a weird way it kind of made me feel better. he didn't respond yet, and i don't think i expect him to at all.
 
nesha24 said:
i really miss him today. i was driving from the grocery store and just started crying all the way back home. i called a friend to pray for me. it was bad. I sent him a text and told him i missed him. in a weird way it kind of made me feel better. he didn't respond yet, and i don't think i expect him to at all.
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nesha24:

:bighug:Things will get better. Take it one day at a time. Please stop texting for your own sanity. Sometimes a no reply text hurt just as worse.
 
So he texts me today to tell me he's doing great at his new job. No apology or anything. Requesting divorce information. I wanted more for him than he wanted for himself. I was his biggest cheerleader when he was unemployed for a year. He leaves us and now successful. How can this be? He moved on and My son and i are still adjusting. So god blessed him and he left his family. I thought I was doing better but now I'm sad all over
 
nesha24 said:
i really miss him today. i was driving from the grocery store and just started crying all the way back home. i called a friend to pray for me. it was bad. I sent him a text and told him i missed him. in a weird way it kind of made me feel better. he didn't respond yet, and i don't think i expect him to at all.
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nesha24 Im sending hugs and love girlie. Im so sorry you're going though this.
 
proudofmynaps said:
So he texts me today to tell me he's doing great at his new job. No apology or anything. Requesting divorce information. I wanted more for him than he wanted for himself. I was his biggest cheerleader when he was unemployed for a year. He leaves us and now successful. How can this be? He moved on and My son and i are still adjusting. So god blessed him and he left his family. I thought I was doing better but now I'm sad all over
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Trust. Even if he is doing "well" now. He will have to answer for what he's done. Focus on you and your son. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this.....
 
I don't post often on this site anymore, but this post struck a nerve, especially the bolded. My break up happened 2 years ago, and I've always felt there was something making it hard to let go. Everything in bolded I've done all day every day for the past 2 years without 100% success. Sunday, I had a breakthrough. I realized that I was over him and have let go him, I just haven't let go and forgiven myself for being in a toxic, emotional/verbally abusive relationship with a narcissist. I became a weaker, meek version of myself as the relationship continued. Towards the end he nearly broke me, and I can't forgive myself for allowing a man to do that to me. Realizing this has set me free in a way, but I'm working on find a therapist and doing work on my own to truly let go. Thank you Holla for inspiring my breakthrough! :yay::clapping::kisses:


Holla said:
My heart goes out to all in this thread. I was recently where you are.....especially the deeply broken. It took me going to a therapist to sort out my feelings and to get over a man I loved for over seven years. We weren't together for seven consecutive years but I loved him that long. We both even dated other people but we always ended up back together. Then it ended.... again. Usually, I easily move on from an ex, but with him, it was different. I couldn't shake my feelings for him. A friend advised me to seek therapy. In one session, my therapist helped me to get over him. She pointed out:

1) We had a codependent relationship. Even though there were times where we went months without seeing each other while dating other people, we were available to the other person and fostered a strong emotional tie that way.

2) I had to cut off all ties to him to allow my body to fully grieve a natural loss. Until I let him go COMPLETELY, I was not going to let him go once and for all, emotionally.

3) I had to increase my network to find more men to see that for every quality I loved about him, about 100 other men also have that same quality. Until I increased my network substantially, I would continue to think he was the only one I could talk to about X, Y, or Z. I don't have to date those other men, I just have to know them.

That session was like GOLD to me! I grieved for weeks and finally let him go. The grieving process was like going through withdrawal but I am good now.

I say all this to say: seek help. Professional help. I talked to countless friends, girlfriends, cousins, etc. and all the conversations I had with them did not amount to one session with a therapist. Not the upteen conversations,
memes, inspirational quotes, bible verses, vision boards ....nothing helped until a trained person (a stranger) was able to objectively tell me about myself and my situation.

I encourage it. :yep:
Click to expand...
 
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I hate myself right now. I can't make it more than a month or so without caving and texting him like a friggin idiot. He hasnt even responded, though he may just be busy at work. But if he gave a s*** about me or how I'm doing, he would text me first but he doesn't. I should be grateful he's leaving me alone so I can heal but I hate it. Sometimes I think it would have been better if we ended on a bad note. Maybe if there was some animosity, I'd care a little less.

It's been about 4 months, and I'm still not where I want to be mentally with this. I feel like I'll never be 100% over him. Like I could meet someone else and be happy but always carry that torch for him, always wonder about what we could have had if we met sooner. I just want him out of my system. :(
 
MzLady78 said:
I hate myself right now. I can't make it more than a month or so without caving and texting him like a friggin idiot. He hasnt even responded, though he may just be busy at work. But if he gave a s*** about me or how I'm doing, he would text me first but he doesn't. I should be grateful he's leaving me alone so I can heal but I hate it. Sometimes I think it would have been better if we ended on a bad note. Maybe if there was some animosity, I'd care a little less. It's been about 4 months, and I'm still not where I want to be mentally with this. I feel like I'll never be 100% over him. Like I could meet someone else and be happy but always carry that torch for him, always wonder about what we could have had if we met sooner. I just want him out of my system. :(
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Block his number and delete it. Why keep his number in your phone for the temptation?

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
Briabiggles said:
Block his number and delete it. Why keep his number in your phone for the temptation?

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
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It's not in my phone, I have it memorized. I know maybe 5 numbers by heart, and of course, his would be one. :nono:

We spoke, and it was cool but I got further confirmation that we feel very differently about each other at this point. So, let's restart the "no contact" clock and try harder this time. That's all I can do.
 
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MzLady78 said:
It's not in my phone, I have it memorized. I know maybe 5 numbers by heart, and of course, his would be one. :nono:

We spoke, and it was cool but I got further confirmation that we feel very differently about each other at this point. So, let's restart the "no contact" clock and try harder this time. That's all I can do.
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MzLady78
(((((((((Hugs))))))))
 
ArcticFemme said:
Wow! I started this thread two years ago and oh how things have changed! I am such a different person now. Sure I would like to find love someday but right now I'm so content being single! Since my heartbreak, I have traveled the world, doubled my income, and the suitors are lined up even though I'm not looking. I have to beat them off with a stick because right now I'm doing me and loving it! Looking back I realized that the timing wasn't right and he just wasn't the one. That heartbreak was a blessing! I know what I want and I will not settle again. Stay strong ladies, things get better!!!
Click to expand...

Thanks for the update. I feel much better than the last time i checked in. He just wasn't the one for me. The working out and getting in shape have helped me mentally. A therapist can be helpful too.
 
The pain and hurt is easing just a little bit. It has only been about 4 days. I still think of him every single day wondering what he is doing. but I have said I will not make contact. Lets see what will happen next if I don't. I will be glad when I feel like my old self again and not have these feelings of wanting him. I have cried and cried and just feel so bad about myself. How long will it take for me to get him out of my system?
 
i had a really good unexpected talk with someone that made me feel so much better. i don't know how long it will last but i'm going to enjoy it while i can. she made me really question why i've been so pressed for the attention of someone who i don't even want to be with! he's not worthy of my time and energy and i know i can do and deserve better than him.
 
Actually feeling a little better, not sure why. :lachen: But I have been super busy. Maybe that's it. Coming to the realization that while this may not be what I think I want, it's for the best. That's a comforting feeling.
Every now and then I get a pang or twinge for him, but it's happening less and less.
I also realize that he portrayed himself as something he is not, so I wasn't in love with "him" but the representative that he could no longer keep up with after a year and a half.
 
hairenergizer said:
The pain and hurt is easing just a little bit. It has only been about 4 days. I still think of him every single day wondering what he is doing. but I have said I will not make contact. Lets see what will happen next if I don't. I will be glad when I feel like my old self again and not have these feelings of wanting him. I have cried and cried and just feel so bad about myself. How long will it take for me to get him out of my system?
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hairenergizer I have been separated from my husband for four months and I still long for him even though he walked out on me. I love him and can't seem to shake him. I often wonders if he misses me and I'm sure he doesn't. He could get any woman he wants. I can't tell you when you will be your old self again as I'm no one near there. I will advise staying busy. Hugs your way.
 
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