Slowly coming out of the fog. Now that I have some things I'm really focusing on I can see things getting a little better. I have a renewed interest in my hair so I spent a lot of time making lists and going over my regimen and figuring out what new things to incorporate. I'm also doing more work on myself and bought a couple of books that I'm diving into. I just got the amazon alert that Codependent no more and The Biology of Belief were just delivered so can't wait to start those. I'm still feeling a bit antisocial and like I don't want to be around people much but one step at a time. My sad feelings are giving way to more confusion/wanting understanding. For what? Not exactly sure but maybe my reading will get me in the right direction and show me something I didn't even know I was looking for.
Thread for the heartbroken
- Thread starter SurferBabe
- Start date
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I don’t know why I did this, but I went into my blocked messages.
Nothing there. Almost a year and he hasn’t tried to contact me not once. And for the first time since probably some time last year, I’m blinking back tears. But I swore I would never shed another tear over that POS and I meant it. So I’m just gonna have to man up.
I don’t know what good it would have done me to see a message from him. In fact, I know the answer is none. But there is something still painful about getting further confirmation that someone you really loved honestly and truly doesn’t, and probably never did, GAF about you.
I keep waiting for the day when I don’t care about any of this anymore, and it just won’t come.
Nothing there. Almost a year and he hasn’t tried to contact me not once. And for the first time since probably some time last year, I’m blinking back tears. But I swore I would never shed another tear over that POS and I meant it. So I’m just gonna have to man up.
I don’t know what good it would have done me to see a message from him. In fact, I know the answer is none. But there is something still painful about getting further confirmation that someone you really loved honestly and truly doesn’t, and probably never did, GAF about you.
I keep waiting for the day when I don’t care about any of this anymore, and it just won’t come.
Last edited:
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@MzLady78
That day may never come. Every now and then you may cry. But as a girlfriend often reminds me, you are crying for you, not him. And you will cry less and less as you heal. But every now and then you may weep, and that’s ok. Be kind, patient and loving to yourself. You cry, you tuck it away, and keep moving forward. (((Hugs)))
That day may never come. Every now and then you may cry. But as a girlfriend often reminds me, you are crying for you, not him. And you will cry less and less as you heal. But every now and then you may weep, and that’s ok. Be kind, patient and loving to yourself. You cry, you tuck it away, and keep moving forward. (((Hugs)))
That damn blocked folder is the devil! I don't know why we have the option to check it.
Adgirl
Active Member
MzLady78 ((huggs)) The day will come where this person will be a distant memory. You matter more than him . Please be kind to yourself. There will be relapses here and there but it will all fade away with time.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Thanks, ladies.
@LdyKamz, it seriously defeats the purpose to me, but I guess they figure if you truly don't want to talk to someone, you won't really care if they sent you a message or not.
Anyway, I spent most of the day yesterday with my cousin and her little granddaughter, so that was a good distraction.
I really thought that by now, I wouldn't still feel the way I'm feeling. But I guess 10 month isn't that long when trying to forget someone you loved for 7 years. On the plus side, I haven't tried to contact him either. And it's not like I'm fighting myself not to, I have no interest in doing so at all.
So, onward.
@LdyKamz, it seriously defeats the purpose to me, but I guess they figure if you truly don't want to talk to someone, you won't really care if they sent you a message or not.
Anyway, I spent most of the day yesterday with my cousin and her little granddaughter, so that was a good distraction.
I really thought that by now, I wouldn't still feel the way I'm feeling. But I guess 10 month isn't that long when trying to forget someone you loved for 7 years. On the plus side, I haven't tried to contact him either. And it's not like I'm fighting myself not to, I have no interest in doing so at all.
So, onward.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
The logical side of me knows it too. I just need my heart to accept it.
I'm surprised at how relatively easy it's been not to reach out to him. But I refuse to stroke his ego any more than I already have.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Sometimes the pain will linger until you experience a man showing real care for you. Without a tangible contrast, it's hard to envision truly moving on. Even after I was over the guy from Texas, I was still processing the rejection until I started meeting some good guys who were really into me. Now with my current guy, everything makes sense. I can see how my current guy's love for himself and respect for his environment and family translates into his love for me. The guy from Texas had his own positive qualities, but when it came to showing a woman love and tenderness, he wasn't capable of it. He hadn't evolved yet, and that is okay. I'm at peace with it now and wish him the best. Once you see the other side it feels like you're in a whole new world. None of this is supposed to be hard but I was used to struggle in love, and drama-filled liaisons gave me exactly what I was comfortable with. I liked being the hopeless romantic and the victim of unrequited love. I was a master of that character. Now I'm forced to face and heal those wounds and reevaluate who I am. You are transitioning into your true self, but dropping that character is tough because our ego latches onto what feels comfortable to us. The pain of rejection is like a drug, and you got a hit when you checked your blocked messages. You need to believe that you are capable of finding true love-- no matter how far off that feels right now. And you have to actually want it. It's out there.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Girl, you done preached a word, as usual.
The bolded is definitely where I am. My cousin was like "this year, we gonna find a man". I was like
Maybe I'm still too hurt, or maybe I just don't believe in love anymore. IDK. Sometimes I see people I know are truly in love and I'm like "awww, that's nice", but I don't see it for myself. Just the thought of putting myself in the position of feeling like this again some day terrifies me.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Girl, you done preached a word, as usual.
The bolded is definitely where I am. My cousin was like "this year, we gonna find a man". I was like
Maybe I'm still too hurt, or maybe I just don't believe in love anymore. IDK. Sometimes I see people I know are truly in love and I'm like "awww, that's nice", but I don't see it for myself. Just the thought of putting myself in the position of feeling like this again some day terrifies me.
I still feel that way sometimes, but I accept it. If it happens, I'll deal with it then. In the meantime I just focus on the present. What worked for me was showing and receiving love in different ways. I fell in love with nature and starting spending a lot of time with God's creations. The fact that so much beauty can grow and thrive in an ugly world is proof enough of love for me. So now I show the Earth love by trying to take care of her as much as I can. Are you into nature at all? I really think you'd get so many answers if you take some time weekly to meditate in nature-- even if it is just near a garden or something. Those of us with sensitive, vulnerable hearts are like flowers. It takes a patient man with a delicate touch to handle us. Most men aren't like this. Find a man who loves nature and you'll find a man who knows how to love you.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I actually really like this idea.
There are a lot of nice spots here where I could do it now that it's warming up.
I just posted in the non romantic relationship thread about my weekend plans. And since I'm feeling a little better, after I'm done if weather permits I will be heading to Prospect Park to hang out on the grass, get some sun and read. Baby steps. I am moving forward slowly but surely. Getting better.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I'm so happy that you're feeling better! I hope you enjoy yourself this weekend.
@MzLady78 Thanks! it took me longer than I wanted. I have started pushing myself to do things that I otherwise wouldn't have while I was feeling like this (e.g. dating, meeting up with friends, taking phone calls). But the only reason I was able to do those things was because I have been more introspective and trying to be nice to myself. So now I'm enjoying adding those little things back into my life while also still being introspective and learning more about me.
And now I've figured out where the heartbreak feeling came from. Even though the feeling is most associated for me with romantic relationships I realized it wasn't exactly that. It turned out to be a feeling of boredom and unrest that I didn't quite understand. A missing piece. And I think it was me missing being in touch with myself. I have a habit of doing some work on myself and when I start feeling good I tend to abandon all the things I was doing that was helping me feel good in the first place.
Essentially, I had broken up with myself and my inner self was feeling that loss and missing me if that makes any sense. This was the first time something like this happened to me and I will admit I'm kind of proud of myself for having figured it out on my own. Doing "work" on yourself can get addictive (in a good way) and I know I can't neglect myself like this again.
And now I've figured out where the heartbreak feeling came from. Even though the feeling is most associated for me with romantic relationships I realized it wasn't exactly that. It turned out to be a feeling of boredom and unrest that I didn't quite understand. A missing piece. And I think it was me missing being in touch with myself. I have a habit of doing some work on myself and when I start feeling good I tend to abandon all the things I was doing that was helping me feel good in the first place.
Essentially, I had broken up with myself and my inner self was feeling that loss and missing me if that makes any sense. This was the first time something like this happened to me and I will admit I'm kind of proud of myself for having figured it out on my own. Doing "work" on yourself can get addictive (in a good way) and I know I can't neglect myself like this again.
Last edited:
Lucia
Well-Known Member
Girl, you done preached a word, as usual.
The bolded is definitely where I am. My cousin was like "this year, we gonna find a man". I was like
Maybe I'm still too hurt, or maybe I just don't believe in love anymore. IDK. Sometimes I see people I know are truly in love and I'm like "awww, that's nice", but I don't see it for myself. Just the thought of putting myself in the position of feeling like this again some day terrifies me.
You need time to heal every time you check his FB, messages or whatever there’s a sense of anticipation that maybe he might come back even if you logically know you don’t want him back. That is just as bad as breaking up again and again it’s just slashing the wound up again and pouring tequila and salt in it while rubbing it in.
You should focus on you and your healing on your tome not your cousins tome frame not anyone else’s. What hobbies or activities are you pursuing to occupy yourself ?
Are you reading more traveling learning a new language self help books, prayer whatever to help you get back on track sooner rather than later. Not to rush you but the sooner you take care of yourself emotionally the better. And stay off his SM accounts block then delete him off of everything. That’s really is the only way. HTH
Last edited:
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
He wasn't on SM when we were seeing each other, and if that's changed, I wouldn't know. I've never felt compelled to look.
I had a moment, which is going to happen. It may still happen when I'm completely over him 3, 4, 5 years from now. As long as I can let it pass without trying to contact him or sinking into some pit of despair, I can live with that. I'm happy with the progress I've made thus far.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
This was so heartwarming to read. People come and go, boyfriends, sometimes even husbands, best friends, neighbors, etc., but we are always with ourselves, morning, noon, and night, from the very beginning to the end. We always want so badly for others to step up for us, but there is absolutely nothing as satisfying as feeling our own love, compassion, and companionship.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Lawd, my ex-fiance (the one who inspired this thread) thinks he knocked someone up. She was sleeping with him and another guy at the same dang time 
. He's always wanted kids so he's excited about the possibility, even with the messiness attached. I'm happy for him but even happier that it wasn't me 
.
. He's always wanted kids so he's excited about the possibility, even with the messiness attached. I'm happy for him but even happier that it wasn't me .
TwoSnapsUp
Well-Known Member
What is this blocked folder that is mentioned here? Is it an Android thing? I can't find this folder on my iphone 6....
sarumoki
Epicurean Empress
When you block someone on Android the phone reroutes the message to a specific folder that you'd never know was there unless you do some digging. So it's not really blocked, just archived. But once you find that folder it can do a number on you. Always checking it to see if they bothered to text even though 1.) you know they didn't and 2.) you know you're not supposed to care because that's why you blocked them.
lavaflow99
In search of the next vacation
iPhones doesn't have a folder for block text messages thank goodness. If a blocked person sends a text it goes into space and you will never know.
If they call you will only know if they leave a voicemail which goes into a blocked folder which is easily visible (but you don't get an alert/red bubble).
https://lifehacker.com/what-actually-happens-when-you-block-someone-on-your-ip-1761275471
"First off, when a blocked number tries to send you a text message, it won’t go through, and they will likely never see the “delivered” note. On your end, you’ll see nothing at all. As far as phone calls are concerned, a blocked call goes directly to voice mail. On your end, you’ll get a special “blocked messages” folder in your voice mail inbox if they leave a message, but you won’t get a notification they called."
If they call you will only know if they leave a voicemail which goes into a blocked folder which is easily visible (but you don't get an alert/red bubble).
https://lifehacker.com/what-actually-happens-when-you-block-someone-on-your-ip-1761275471
"First off, when a blocked number tries to send you a text message, it won’t go through, and they will likely never see the “delivered” note. On your end, you’ll see nothing at all. As far as phone calls are concerned, a blocked call goes directly to voice mail. On your end, you’ll get a special “blocked messages” folder in your voice mail inbox if they leave a message, but you won’t get a notification they called."
Actually you don't really have to do any digging at all. The blocked folder and list of blocked numbers are right under the settings button in your text folder. It's right there where I change my font, background, etc for text messages. But I have a Samsung Galaxy S8. Plus when someone blocked calls, the number still shows up in your call log with a little symbol next to the number as though the call was a missed call and not blocked. That is why I find it particularly annoying because this stuff is very very easily accessible on android. If finding the blocked folder required any effort at all on my part then I probably wouldn't even know where it was. Lol
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Yesterday Texas guy texted me and told me he can't stop thinking about me. He's the one that inspired this thread 2 years ago. We haven't really spoken since so this is out of nowhere.
Welp, it's too late son
! I moved on long ago and am now in a relationship with an amazing guy. When I was deep in my feelings for Mr. Texas, I thought I'd never feel that type of attraction for another man again. I was ready to give up on love altogether. It's tough to read that thread because I had truly hit rock bottom even after years of working on myself and feeling good about being single.
But looking back, I'm so glad I went through that experience. While overcoming that heartache, I grew deeper in my spirituality and that has been an incredible gift. Relationships and men aside, I've become happier and more carefree overall. He made me a better woman for the right man and for that I'm so grateful. These tough experiences are teachable moments. Even when I was over him and single for a while, I struggled with accepting where I was in my journey. One of my favorite Anthony De Mello quotes is "Enlightenment is cooperation with the inevitable." Now, I'm starting to understand it. The toughest times in my life have led me to my happiest moments today because I'm learning to surrender. Nothing is guaranteed, and we suffer because we can't accept that change is the only constant in life. Even my current relationship might not work out, and that's okay. Everything that we think we need from others is already within us. Your joy and peace are your birthright, and no one can take that away from you. But we've been conditioned to believe otherwise.
I told him I was in a relationship, hope he's doing well, and that I wish him the best. That is the official end of that chapter in life. Just thought I'd share!
Welp, it's too late son
! I moved on long ago and am now in a relationship with an amazing guy. When I was deep in my feelings for Mr. Texas, I thought I'd never feel that type of attraction for another man again. I was ready to give up on love altogether. It's tough to read that thread because I had truly hit rock bottom even after years of working on myself and feeling good about being single.But looking back, I'm so glad I went through that experience. While overcoming that heartache, I grew deeper in my spirituality and that has been an incredible gift. Relationships and men aside, I've become happier and more carefree overall. He made me a better woman for the right man and for that I'm so grateful. These tough experiences are teachable moments. Even when I was over him and single for a while, I struggled with accepting where I was in my journey. One of my favorite Anthony De Mello quotes is "Enlightenment is cooperation with the inevitable." Now, I'm starting to understand it. The toughest times in my life have led me to my happiest moments today because I'm learning to surrender. Nothing is guaranteed, and we suffer because we can't accept that change is the only constant in life. Even my current relationship might not work out, and that's okay. Everything that we think we need from others is already within us. Your joy and peace are your birthright, and no one can take that away from you. But we've been conditioned to believe otherwise.
I told him I was in a relationship, hope he's doing well, and that I wish him the best. That is the official end of that chapter in life. Just thought I'd share!
lavaflow99
In search of the next vacation
Yesterday Texas guy texted me and told me he can't stop thinking about me. He's the one that inspired this thread 2 years ago. We haven't really spoken since so this is out of nowhere.
Welp, it's too late son
But looking back, I'm so glad I went through that experience. While overcoming that heartache, I grew deeper in my spirituality and that has been an incredible gift. Relationships and men aside, I've become happier and more carefree overall. He made me a better woman for the right man and for that I'm so grateful. These tough experiences are teachable moments. Even when I was over him and single for a while, I struggled with accepting where I was in my journey. One of my favorite Anthony De Mello quotes is "Enlightenment is cooperation with the inevitable." Now, I'm starting to understand it. The toughest times in my life have led me to my happiest moments today because I'm learning to surrender. Nothing is guaranteed, and we suffer because we can't accept that change is the only constant in life. Even my current relationship might not work out, and that's okay. Everything that we think we need from others is already within us. Your joy and peace are your birthright, and no one can take that away from you. But we've been conditioned to believe otherwise.
I told him I was in a relationship, hope he's doing well, and that I wish him the best. That is the official end of that chapter in life. Just thought I'd share!
Thanks for the update and insight!!
Highlighted, bolded, underlined, italicized, and enlarged for emphasis.
I am huge on having peace of mind and doing me and at times I am told I'm being selfish or I may have a twinge of guilt (that I get over trust). I am OK with that....I'll take being called selfish as a compliment.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@SurferBabe
Thank you so much for the update! You made my day.
Thank you so much for the update! You made my day.
Just because someone doesn’t reach out that doesn’t mean they do not think about you or what you had mattered.
Similar threads
