Thread for the heartbroken

[RUBY]

@lesedi and @RUBY

It's been a few weeks since your posts. How are you doing

Honestly, not too good. I feel like an old wound has been reopened and the only thing that I can do is wait and hope that time forms a scab over it.

His wedding is coming up soon and I'm finding it hard to not think about it, especially as his fiancé is pregnant.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Honestly, not too good. I feel like an old wound has been reopened and the only thing that I can do is wait and hope that time forms a scab over it.

His wedding is coming up soon and I'm finding it hard to not think about it, especially as his fiancé is pregnant.

I'm sorry that you're hurting. Hugs.

 

[Brownie]

...

 

[hopeful]

@RUBY (((Hugs)))

 

[RUBY]

Please don't quote.

I don't know why I did it to myself, but I just seen a picture of the newly wed couple.

I'm officially done. I don't believe in true love for myself. Some people are blessed to find love in this world but some won't, real talk.

Truth is I don't think you ever really get over heartbreak. You just learn to live with it.

 

[hopeful]

(((@RUBY)))

So sorry you are still hurting. You will get over this. I promise you. I believe in true love for you even if you don’t.

 

[yaya24]

Good riddance.
He is a narcissist.

Its been a week. I'm healing.

 

[lavaflow99]

@yaya24
Smart move to block him everywhere. You are strong and you will get through this.

 

[yaya24]

It hurts like hell.

He will likely end up with the 21 (almost 22 yr old) and marry her since he is paying for her community college classes and she needs/depends on him.

 

[lavaflow99]

It hurts like hell.

He will likely end up with the 21 (almost 22 yr old) and marry her since he is paying for her community college classes and she needs/depends on him.

Bullet dodged.

 

[SurferBabe]

@RUBY I understand how you feel. Shoot, I'm the one who started this thread! Romance has always been a painful area of my life and I used to believe that I wasn't worthy of true love. With spiritual evolution I found that to be farthest from the truth. Going through constant heartache is how I found myself.

Nothing new can be created without something first being destroyed. Partnership is transformative because it is an area where we endure constant endings and beginnings. When a relationship ends, there is something to be learned. Something about the partnership wasn't quite right but we were blinded by what we wanted things to be instead of what things truly were. But the universe has zero delusions and things that weren't meant to be will crash and burn, whether we like it or not.

Are you spiritual at all? Without making this post too long, I found heartache provided me the perfect opportunity to return home to myself. It brought me closer to God. There are 2 concepts that I think people dealing with heartache could benefit from studying--

1. Die to the past. Negative experiences in our past keep us chained to our suffering. It makes it impossible to fully embrace the present and see hope in our future. While these experiences are never fully removed from our memories, we can choose to no longer identify with them. I've learned a lot from my heartbreaks but the pain is no longer a part of my story. I'm still dealing with childhood wounds and when I find myself acting in a way that I know is the result of those traumas I simply die to them. Meditation is a great tool to practice this. Empty those negative thoughts and beliefs. New day... new chapter... new possibilities.

2. Emptiness-- not in the psychological sense but in the spiritual sense. To become empty inside means to drop all preconceptions and conditioning and embrace all possibilities of life. When God created the universe there was nothing there-- Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep. Because nothing was there, everything could be created. This applies to our lives as well. When we drop our stories, drop the ego, drop our pain and expectations-- we open ourselves up to unlimited potential. Right now you believe that a few heartbreaks mean you'll never find love-- in a world of over 7 billion people... and counting. Empty it. If there are past experiences that have made you fear abandonment and become too attached to people-- it's time to face it and eventually let it go.

I know this is hard but like others have said, you'll get over it even if you don't think you will right now. This is the perfect opportunity to become whole and focus on yourself. I know for a fact you'll find love again. I did!

 

[RUBY]

@RUBY I understand how you feel. Shoot, I'm the one who started this thread! Romance has always been a painful area of my life and I used to believe that I wasn't worthy of true love. With spiritual evolution I found that to be farthest from the truth. Going through constant heartache is how I found myself.

Nothing new can be created without something first being destroyed. Partnership is transformative because it is an area where we endure constant endings and beginnings. When a relationship ends, there is something to be learned. Something about the partnership wasn't quite right but we were blinded by what we wanted things to be instead of what things truly were. But the universe has zero delusions and things that weren't meant to be will crash and burn, whether we like it or not.

Are you spiritual at all? Without making this post too long, I found heartache provided me the perfect opportunity to return home to myself. It brought me closer to God. There are 2 concepts that I think people dealing with heartache could benefit from studying--

1. Die to the past. Negative experiences in our past keep us chained to our suffering. It makes it impossible to fully embrace the present and see hope in our future. While these experiences are never fully removed from our memories, we can choose to no longer identify with them. I've learned a lot from my heartbreaks but the pain is no longer a part of my story. I'm still dealing with childhood wounds and when I find myself acting in a way that I know is the result of those traumas I simply die to them. Meditation is a great tool to practice this. Empty those negative thoughts and beliefs. New day... new chapter... new possibilities.

2. Emptiness-- not in the psychological sense but in the spiritual sense. To become empty inside means to drop all preconceptions and conditioning and embrace all possibilities of life. When God created the universe there was nothing there-- Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep. Because nothing was there, everything could be created. This applies to our lives as well. When we drop our stories, drop the ego, drop our pain and expectations-- we open ourselves up to unlimited potential. Right now you believe that a few heartbreaks mean you'll never find love-- in a world of over 7 billion people... and counting. Empty it. If there are past experiences that have made you fear abandonment and become too attached to people-- it's time to face it and eventually let it go.

I know this is hard but like others have said, you'll get over it even if you don't think you will right now. This is the perfect opportunity to become whole and focus on yourself. I know for a fact you'll find love again. I did!

Thanks. Honestly, I've lost faith in everything. I've tried really hard to get over everything but haven't been able to. Every time I think I've made progress, something else hits me. Its like one step forward and two steps back. I truly don't understand how I've ended up here, where I am. I just don't understand.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks. Honestly, I've lost faith in everything. I've tried really hard to get over everything but haven't been able to. Every time I think I've made progress, something else hits me. Its like one step forward and two steps back. I truly don't understand how I've ended here, where I am. I just don't understand.

Not sure if this will be helpful but I would recommend a good therapist. And maybe a life coach too. For years I was like you. I kept trying my best to cope with life and its ups and down as best I could. But it seemed to me almost like I was low key cursed. I had a positive attitude. I was a good person. I was (and still am ) attractive. I was college educated, etc. Anyway I happened upon Breukelen Blue/ Kendall St. Charles’ videos and her views (while may seem radical) opened my eyes to what life is, what it really is like for a black woman. It was like having cold water splashed on my face and finally waking up from a spell. I also took some of her classes as well.

Next I finally found a good therapist, the real deal, recommended to me by my divorce attorney. So while Breukelen woke me to the reality of life for black women, my therapist helped me heal and gave me a better and more complete toolkit for living in this world as a hunan being. I’ve been working with the therapist for 2 1/2 years and it has been worth every penny.

There were a few things I didn’t understand. My childhood was haunting me subconsciously. My toolkit for living, dealing with life, succeeding, etc. was VERY limited. It was like I had say 5 tools when I needed 50. Life is much more than what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears and is far more complex than I wanted it to be. We have to learn how to workaround the forces that are against us as women and as black women too. Even with healing, growing up, understanding life better, having a fuller toolkit, life is STILL hard. Only the strong will survive. Only the savvy will win.

You can be sweet, kind-hearted, but you have to be very knowledgeable about yourself, life, people, and men. And you have to find your personal path to happiness and the best balance for you in being sweet, feminine, gritty, and wise.

I wish you all the best. Fight for yourself, your life, your happiness. Do not give up on you. Never give up.

 

[SurferBabe]

Not sure if this will be helpful but I would recommend a good therapist. And maybe a life coach too. For years I was like you. I kept trying my best to cope with life and its ups and down as best I could. But it seemed to me almost like I was low key cursed. I had a positive attitude. I was a good person. I was (and still am ) attractive. I was college educated, etc. Anyway I happened upon Breukelen Blue/ Kendall St. Charles’ videos and her views (while may seem radical) opened my eyes to what life is, what it really is like for a black woman. It was like having cold water splashed on my face and finally waking up from a spell. I also took some of her classes as well.

Next I finally found a good therapist, the real deal, recommended to me by my divorce attorney. So while Breukelen woke me to the reality of life for black women, my therapist helped me heal and gave me a better and more complete toolkit for living in this world as a hunan being. I’ve been working with the therapist for 2 1/2 years and it has been worth every penny.

There were a few things I didn’t understand. My childhood was haunting me subconsciously. My toolkit for living, dealing with life, succeeding, etc. was VERY limited. It was like I had say 5 tools when I needed 50. Life is much more than what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears and is far more complex than I wanted it to be. We have to learn how to workaround the forces that are against us as women and as black women too. Even with healing, growing up, understanding life better, having a fuller toolkit, life is STILL hard. Only the strong will survive. Only the savvy will win.

You can be sweet, kind-hearted, but you have to be very knowledgeable about yourself, life, people, and men. And you have to find your personal path to happiness and the best balance for you in being sweet, feminine, gritty, and wise.

I wish you all the best. Fight for yourself, your life, your happiness. Do not give up on you. Never give up.

We pretty much had the same childhood.

I like Breukelen. She reminds me a bit of Katarina Phang and some other coaches that incorporate dark wisdom into their teachings. With Katarina it is about embracing our shadow side and thus being more at peace with the world because we have zero delusions. Back when I started this thread and then had my issues years later with another guy, most of my pain came from not accepting the true nature of the world and other people-- myself included. Now as time goes on, I'm so at peace with the world-- even the ugly side of things, and I feel free. I no longer look outside of myself for happiness because unconditional love from another human being is never a guarantee no matter how great they come off early on. It's something you can only give yourself-- love from others is just a bonus. We're all selfish. We're all driven by our own self-interests. We're all materialistic and shallow. We're fickle-- in love one day and out of love the next. So we can only expect from others what we've learned to accept in ourselves. That's where wisdom equips us to tackle just about every scenario. Heartbreak is a powerful catalyst for spiritual growth.

 

[SurferBabe]

Just realized I haven't seen anything from MzLady in a while. I hope she's doing well.

 

[NinaShamone]

Just realized I haven't seen anything from MzLady in a while. I hope she's doing well.

Ditto. Haven’t seen her sister Miss617 either

 

[yaya24]

@yaya24
Smart move to block him everywhere. You are strong and you will get through this.

Woke up today and logged into my Facebook account. I have a friend request from his Dad.
wth. leave me alone!

 

[LdyKamz]

Just realized I haven't seen anything from MzLady in a while. I hope she's doing well.

Ditto. Haven’t seen her sister Miss617 either

I don't think either of them are on the site anymore.

 

[lavaflow99]

Woke up today and logged into my Facebook account. I have a friend request from his Dad.
wth. leave me alone!

Ugh!! How exacerbating!! Like why?
Pay that fool's father dust, reject, and keep living your fabulous life.

 

[LdyKamz]

I just ended things with a guy I've been dating for about 4 months. I am not heartbroken but I do feel sad. It was my decision and I think I am happy with it for the most part. I just wish calling things off didn't suck so much. And how come I feel like I don't want to he bothered with anyone at all at the moment. What is that feeling? Why does that happen even if you're seemingly ok with things ending?

 

[sarumoki]

And how come I feel like I don't want to he bothered with anyone at all at the moment.

Do you have any history with depression? This is one of the first ways I know an episode is coming.

 

[LdyKamz]

Do you have any history with depression? This is one of the first ways I know an episode is coming.

I do. I really hope an episode isn't coming on. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good and responded to a text #1 sent me about my book he borrowed.

I told him not to worry about it, I'll just order a new one no biggie. He said he wants to meet and give it back to me for closure. What does this mean? Closure for which one of us? I asked if he felt like he had things he needed to say and he said he didn't know. So again what does this mean?

I don't know what to do. I feel incredibly guilty because I like this guy and he is a good guy but ultimately this may not be it for the long haul for me. When I said that to him before he was like all relationships end but why does ours have to end right now? I don't want to hurt him but... I'm so torn and confused.

 

[sarumoki]

I do. I really hope an episode isn't coming on. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good and responded to a text #1 sent me about my book he borrowed.

I told him not to worry about it, I'll just order a new one no biggie. He said he wants to meet and give it back to me for closure. What does this mean? Closure for which one of us? I asked if he felt like he had things he needed to say and he said he didn't know. So again what does this mean?

I don't know what to do. I feel incredibly guilty because I like this guy and he is a good guy but ultimately this may not be it for the long haul for me. When I said that to him before he was like all relationships end but why does ours have to end right now? I don't want to hurt him but... I'm so torn and confused.

If something is telling you this isn't it for you then go with your gut, rather than wasting your time or his. Dragging it out will only prolong the inevitable and that's not fair to either of you.

Also there's always the chance that things may be more workable for the two of you later on down the line. The author of Calling in the One met her husband several years before they married, but it wasn't the right time and he happened to come back into her life later when it was the right time.

 

[LdyKamz]

If something is telling you this isn't it for you then go with your gut, rather than wasting your time or his. Dragging it out will only prolong the inevitable and that's not fair to either of you.

Also there's always the chance that things may be more workable for the two of you later on down the line. The author of Calling in the One met her husband several years before they married, but it wasn't the right time and he happened to come back into her life later when it was the right time.

They are also divorced now lol but I know what you mean.

 

[sarumoki]

They are also divorced now lol but I know what you mean.

Wait, WHAT? Woooow, I had no idea.

 

[LdyKamz]

Wait, WHAT? Woooow, I had no idea.

Lol It's in one of these threads around here. That's how I found out.

 

[hopeful]

...
I feel incredibly guilty because I like this guy and he is a good guy but ultimately this may not be it for the long haul for me. When I said that to him before he was like all relationships end but why does ours have to end right now? I don't want to hurt him but... I'm so torn and confused.

Girl, listen, if you don’t stop it with feeling guilty. About what? You broke up with a guy you had only been dating a few months, not even 6 months or a year or years. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about. You were trusting your gut and doing what you felt was right for you. And let’s say you were wrong and this guy is indeed the nicest man ever born — so what?! You will meet another nice guy like him again.

You get one life, just one, and you get to live it how you choose. Nice honestly IMO means so so little. Literally anybody can be nice. I’m sure the guy for you will be a lot more than that.

I think what you should really do is investigate the guilt and shut it down. Here you go trusting yourself, make a bold all about LdyKamz decision, only to then beat yourself up about it. Stop it! Be good to you. Trust you and your inner wisdom.

This guy will be fine and remember you’ve only known him a few short months so you don’t REALLY know him that well. You don’t owe him anything. Your gut may have been trying to save you from something awful.

 

[LdyKamz]

@hopeful You're right. I'm leaving this one alone. I called him last night to set up a time so he could get his little closure if he wanted it and he didn't answer but instead sent me a text saying he's already in bed and can we talk tomorrow. I can now see through this little game and I'm not playing. I don't fault him for it because I understand he his hurt and upset that things are over but I'm not interested in dragging things out. And I have to do what's best for me and at this time I do not think he is the one. I'm owning that decision.

 

[LdyKamz]

Ugh! He called this morning and I answered like a dumb ass. The conversation started out good and then took a turn for the worse. I shouldn't have answered and now I feel all upset and sad and guilty and those feelings are making me feel like I'll never find someone as good as him again. I know this is false. I know this!!! But why do I still feel like this? I just want this whole thing to be over. Just jump ahead a year in time and just have forgotten all about this. Ugh!

 

[lavaflow99]

Ugh! He called this morning and I answered like a dumb ass. The conversation started out good and then took a turn for the worse. I shouldn't have answered and now I feel all upset and sad and guilty and those feelings are making me feel like I'll never find someone as good as him again. I know this is false. I know this!!! But why do I still feel like this? I just want this whole thing to be over. Just jump ahead a year in time and just have forgotten all about this. Ugh!

He's disturbing your peace so probably best to go no-contact. Delete/block if you have to or change his number to Do Not Answer. And get back to doing things that you love.....time for self care in overdrive!!