*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Plushottie said:
Haven’t been in here in a min. Holidays typically aren’t my jam but after moving yesterday and being settled in I’m in this weird place of wishing I could connect but respect my path.
Click to expand...

I'm in the DFW area (Collin County).
If you ever feel like meeting up w/ a LHCF eCousin, let's make it happen ♡
 
PeaceFlow said:
@GraceJones

I'm sorry you're still struggling with this. Having weeks where you feel okay shows progress from where you began. Not having had a serious relationship doesn’t make you a loser, though I understand shame can be hard to cope with. In those moments, practising self-compassion is crucial.

Although I don’t think you should focus on men or dating right now, I want to point out that it’s a misconception that the number of times you’re approached directly correlates with how much interest you generate. Most men don’t often, or ever, randomly approach women. I’ve seen studies that say around 60% of single men either have never approached a woman or haven’t in the past year. Of those who do, many only approach if the woman appears "approachable." For example, you could have identical twins, but the one with more confidence or a more outgoing personality might receive way more attention.

Just because no one has approached you doesn’t mean no one is interested as you go about your daily life.

Focus on building self-compassion and self-esteem. Develop a strong connection with what you like—your body, your walk, your favorite fabrics, styles, colors, favourite cuts, and your interests. When you truly connect with yourself and what makes you feel good, you’ll notice a shift. You’ll feel confident even without external attention. A simple exercise, like listing 10 things you like about yourself, can help. Add 5 more each week until you run out, and read them daily. Go into detail—your personality, sense of humor, and physical traits like eye shape or waistline.

My most radical self compassion exercise if going through a rough period is to track my thoughts 24/7 for a month and think a self-compassionate statement every time I beat myself up over something/bad memory. Talk to yourself as a good friend would. I like to hold my arms as I do it (like a self hug). It's difficult because at first, it might be 30x a day you have to do it, but it reduces to almost nothing by the end.
This is a good book, apologies if I've linked it before: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780/ref=sr_1_4?crid=BL85A9MBYSUW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.aUUHGSoalgE7LmmKm5INmG08MUCUeApQrEcALzhk2-H75X0qc4qekmjSsyvmfRx-ASZzR48ZIwm36dOcpcPDFks8UAoDY1Xp7UEAbxJuc6aG-ZgKjMBVZ42K19bNX7kdFSSH42b7rBv4EA4y6qloAFP0l6rd-6HDAkl5_JujQ6cllFeHwksLMewryL1-loII1JvlbCcoHpmk6WNkdg-yS_9L87GQD7qgdJNSlDJXeC0.kjNbAERZXiHm7amivWqn5Ne71k8EcNINcWBgYcoz-ws&dib_tag=se&keywords=self+compassion+kristin+neff&qid=1727774249&sprefix=self+compassion+kr,aps,545&sr=8-4

As you grow in confidence and self-compassion, you’re more likely to find love in the same places you’ll find friends. I recommend joining groups based on shared interests, especially those that attract introverted or reserved people who enjoy connecting, over time, through conversation and activities. You’ll know when you’ve found the right people. If the energy feels off, move on. A mental health support group wouldnt go amiss also just so you can meet some friends who may understand how you're feeling.

By the way, what therapeutic approach is your therapist using?
Click to expand...
I’m using talk therapy with my psychologist. I speak to him once a week.

I also have a psychiatrist that put me on Lexapro. I take one if this each day.

I’ve been experiencing chest pains and she also gave me some other anti-anxiety meds for when I feel really bad. I haven’t taken those yet. I’ve also been having a lot of dreams about my dad.
 
I was out today and could feel stares and was repulsed. I’m very picky about things unless I’m in a mood of being around people and I’m dressed a certain way I’m like not into it. I have a theory about appearance and approaching so unless I’m in my standard it’s a no.
 
I can’t believe how much time/money I put into trying to be desired by a certain quality of man to still not reach that and still alone. Part of me isn’t interested in dating because there is no promise of reaching that and I’m very particular on my standards.

There was a time I was very angry about this but in the past months I have just accepted wo the judgement. There were certain desires that may go unmet this lifetime unless I can afford it and all this soft life really isn’t obtainable at the level I want unless the finances hit. I don’t regret trying to correct the damage of trauma but it feels like a let down to not get that happily ever after.

But you live and decide what you can live w and just stop reaching.
 
I like being single and being able to learn new things about myself.

but sometimes there's a small part of me that wants to know what that feels like to have someone...

I'm good with being single. I know my time will come and it hasn't yet but damn...

I sometimes wish that at the very least, I had someone I could really connect with. Someone who I don't have to hide parts of myself in front of. Someone who sees me.

I know I'm asking for too much but idk I just have too many emotional inner thoughts running through my mind
 
So...guess where
trifling men who
want to get
away with doing
so little are
going to find
their "perfect girls"....
And like typical
incels, they cannot
handle the truth. :rolleyes:
I didn't even
know of the
term Passport Bros

 
I think I want to make this a new tradition for myself-- minus purchasing a guide..
I'll ask Chat gpt for some reflection questions lol



 
Last edited:
yaya24 said:
I think I want to make this a new tradition for myself-- minus purchasing a guide..
I'll ask Chat gpt for some reflection questions lol



Click to expand...

This is cute and I like it. I know the objective is really sitting w self. It’s something to mull on as I’m always alone and reviewing but maybe the change of location can help.
 
we got an unexpected snow day...so i'm at home resting

I love snow days!!!!

I went through my online statements and realized that I waste soo much money. Thank god I paid off all my student loans in 2019. Honestly, that $4673 could've been a down payment on a car but I learned my lesson. Now i'm cash flowing my classes. I'll still apply for fafsa for my absn but i'll also apply for scholarships; loans are the very last option. I'd like to avoid debt, if possible

i'll be paying half of my tuition for the upcoming semester next week. Whatever I get for my upcoming birthday, i'll just save it for my 100 envelope challenge

I will hit my savings goal for 2025 :twocents:
I will continue to save money:twocents:
I will not stress myself out
 
Ok so this may be more health but it relates to me. Being in perimenopause as a single id wild but then I read of ladies on another board who are married and going through insomnia and rage. I almost had 2 incidents today but thankfully I’m in my place alone. This makes it very focused if I ever were to date bc I’m not built for the pen.
 
soooo something happened at work yesterday. When I return to work jan 2nd there will be words exchanged between my coworkers and that disrespectful ass teacher i work with. I wanna tell yall what those heifers did. I'm done with them

I am looking into quitting my job. I was gonna take a leave of absence but you don't get paid and I need my coins
 
Oh, I feel sick. I looked at the Facebook profile of the guy I dated last. Why did I do that? It says that he was in a relationship since July 2022. He broke up with me in September. So does that mean he was in a relationship while he was dating me? I don’t know.

I think my pride is kind of hurt because I haven’t even been on a date since him. I was frustrated while dating him because he lived with his mom. He also had a small member and he had problems with ED. He also dabbled in drugs a bit. I try not to judge but it’s but not my lifestyle. I wasn’t happy with him at all. I was always frustrated sleeping with him.
We also came from really different backgrounds. He grew up in a 1 bedroom apartment with his mom and sister. My parents both have multiple multi-dwelling real estate properties. My mom has about 12 or so. My dad left me one of his houses when he died as well as a trust fund. I was also settled in my career meanwhile he was still trying to find his way. I make way more than him

I’m kicking myself because I feel like I shouldn’t have been dating him in the first place. At the same time, no other guys asked me so I felt as though I had no options.

I’m a bit insecure because I feel like if I can’t even make it with this guy, then surely men who receive more attention and are more successful probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I think a lot of this stems from insecurity from middle and high school. I still get made fun of in public sometimes.

My insecurities is still debilitating because I feel as though I’ve tried for so long to find someone, but I’ve still been unsuccessful in being in a relationship. I feel like I’ve tried with so many dating experts, but no luck. I’m almost 34 and I’ve never had one. I’ve been trying to focus more on myself in my mental health, but, I’ve just lost more and more hope. After 35 I think your fertility goes down so I think I probably won’t have children. I’m also still struggling with my mental health and my finances. I don’t know how time got away from me like this. I don’t even think this is a good time for me to be dating. I’m still working on my mental health.

At least my house will be rented soon.
 
GraceJones said:
Oh, I feel sick. I looked at the Facebook profile of the guy I dated last. Why did I do that? It says that he was in a relationship since July 2022. He broke up with me in September. So does that mean he was in a relationship while he was dating me? I don’t know.

I think my pride is kind of hurt because I haven’t even been on a date since him. I was frustrated while dating him because he lived with his mom. He also had a small member and he had problems with ED. He also dabbled in drugs a bit. I try not to judge but it’s but not my lifestyle. I wasn’t happy with him at all. I was always frustrated sleeping with him.
We also came from really different backgrounds. He grew up in a 1 bedroom apartment with his mom and sister. My parents both have multiple multi-dwelling real estate properties. My mom has about 12 or so. My dad left me one of his houses when he died as well as a trust fund. I was also settled in my career meanwhile he was still trying to find his way. I make way more than him

I’m kicking myself because I feel like I shouldn’t have been dating him in the first place. At the same time, no other guys asked me so I felt as though I had no options.

I’m a bit insecure because I feel like if I can’t even make it with this guy, then surely men who receive more attention and are more successful probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I think a lot of this stems from insecurity from middle and high school. I still get made fun of in public sometimes.

My insecurities is still debilitating because I feel as though I’ve tried for so long to find someone, but I’ve still been unsuccessful in being in a relationship. I feel like I’ve tried with so many dating experts, but no luck. I’m almost 34 and I’ve never had one. I’ve been trying to focus more on myself in my mental health, but, I’ve just lost more and more hope. After 35 I think your fertility goes down so I think I probably won’t have children. I’m also still struggling with my mental health and my finances. I don’t know how time got away from me like this. I don’t even think this is a good time for me to be dating. I’m still working on my mental health.

At least my house will be rented soon.
Click to expand...
This guy sounds like a loser and you dodged a major bullet when he ended things. What a blessing! He was just making room for your right guy. :yep:
 
GraceJones said:
Oh, I feel sick. I looked at the Facebook profile of the guy I dated last. Why did I do that? It says that he was in a relationship since July 2022. He broke up with me in September. So does that mean he was in a relationship while he was dating me? I don’t know.

I think my pride is kind of hurt because I haven’t even been on a date since him. I was frustrated while dating him because he lived with his mom. He also had a small member and he had problems with ED. He also dabbled in drugs a bit. I try not to judge but it’s but not my lifestyle. I wasn’t happy with him at all. I was always frustrated sleeping with him.
We also came from really different backgrounds. He grew up in a 1 bedroom apartment with his mom and sister. My parents both have multiple multi-dwelling real estate properties. My mom has about 12 or so. My dad left me one of his houses when he died as well as a trust fund. I was also settled in my career meanwhile he was still trying to find his way. I make way more than him

I’m kicking myself because I feel like I shouldn’t have been dating him in the first place. At the same time, no other guys asked me so I felt as though I had no options.

I’m a bit insecure because I feel like if I can’t even make it with this guy, then surely men who receive more attention and are more successful probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I think a lot of this stems from insecurity from middle and high school. I still get made fun of in public sometimes.

My insecurities is still debilitating because I feel as though I’ve tried for so long to find someone, but I’ve still been unsuccessful in being in a relationship. I feel like I’ve tried with so many dating experts, but no luck. I’m almost 34 and I’ve never had one. I’ve been trying to focus more on myself in my mental health, but, I’ve just lost more and more hope. After 35 I think your fertility goes down so I think I probably won’t have children. I’m also still struggling with my mental health and my finances. I don’t know how time got away from me like this. I don’t even think this is a good time for me to be dating. I’m still working on my mental health.

At least my house will be rented soon.
Click to expand...
So just random thoughts from this.

You should start being more judgmental esp with men. Based on the accounts of this guy you dodged a bullet bc your insecurities would have had you drained dry. As you age and your money increases you will need to either forgo dating or work intensely to correct your perception. A user will love bomb you and you would be hooked. Yes your ability to have kids does downgrade w age, perimenopause will come.

At this time you should put all money and energy to you. It’s alarming that you would put yourself so low just for a veneer of a man.

I was assaulted in 2015 bc I was so hell bent on dating and wanting to be with a man. Overlooked all the signs and first date ended with assault. I still blame myself as being someone smart I allowed humanly emotion to override good sense. I have dated a few sense thankful for no repeats. But you must chose you or be ok knowing the attraction will not be good.
 
Plushottie said:
So just random thoughts from this.

You should start being more judgmental esp with men. Based on the accounts of this guy you dodged a bullet bc your insecurities would have had you drained dry. As you age and your money increases you will need to either forgo dating or work intensely to correct your perception. A user will love bomb you and you would be hooked. Yes your ability to have kids does downgrade w age, perimenopause will come.

At this time you should put all money and energy to you. It’s alarming that you would put yourself so low just for a veneer of a man.

I was assaulted in 2015 bc I was so hell bent on dating and wanting to be with a man. Overlooked all the signs and first date ended with assault. I still blame myself as being someone smart I allowed humanly emotion to override good sense. I have dated a few sense thankful for no repeats. But you must chose you or be ok knowing the attraction will not be good.
Click to expand...

This guy at least would ask me out on dates, send a cab for me, pay for the date, etc. Most guys don’t even want to ask you out on dates. They just want to come to your house and hook up.

Yeah but before him I hadn’t dated at all in like two years. And I haven’t dated since either. So I felt like that was my best shot. I just don’t get that many offers. I know people are saying I have negative perception but that’s just the reality.
 
GraceJones said:
This guy at least would ask me out on dates, send a cab for me, pay for the date, etc. Most guys don’t even want to ask you out on dates. They just want to come to your house and hook up.

Yeah but before him I hadn’t dated at all in like two years. And I haven’t dated since either. So I felt like that was my best shot. I just don’t get that many offers. I know people are saying I have negative perception but that’s just the reality.
Click to expand...
I totally understand the reality. I don’t think you have a negative perception esp if this is all you have seen then it’s like the thought of different is kinda fairy tale. But my thing moreso is protection. If my options are a man who may do a few things but overall isn’t it vs being alone and respecting that I’m that ***** regardless I will be alone. You seem like a beautiful soul and you deserve the world just don’t let swine get your mansion.
 
@GraceJones, if
motherhood is
something you want
and adoption is
not an option
or your first
choice, consider
freezing your eggs.

I wish there
was a magic
wand that could
make you stop
wasting so much
energy yearning for
a man when so
many are such
a waste of space.

Not to be funny
but would you
consider signing
up for a show
like Love is Blind
or Married at First
Sight? Your laments
echo some of
what candidates on
the shows have
shared and the
experts have managed
to find them matches,
or when folks
have been serious
about finding someone
without all the
superficial BS, they
have had their
forever after on LIB
I was just thinking
that maybe the
experts could help.
 
finally finished christmas shopping yesterday.
found some cute strawberry shortcake stickers at 5 below that were scratch and sniff

I'll use them on my budget notebook. I just love Orange Blossom

I ended up getting gift cards for everyone except mom and sibling #2 but I stayed on budget!

I'm hitting up the after Christmas sales for my stuff. I did get myself a new phone charger though

spa day is finally booked for December 30th! so excited! can't wait to get a message
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Hairsnob
FB Read: My Thoughts on How a Man Chooses a Woman to Settle Down With
Replies
18
Views
2K
Hairsnob
Hairsnob
misskris816
Never thought I'd be one of those girls...
2
Replies
52
Views
2K
PatDM'T
PatDM'T
Tene
Great Hair Tips for Damaged Hair and Hair Growth
4 5 6
Replies
171
Views
105K
Ivonnovi
Ivonnovi
Back
Top