Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

intergalacticartist said:
That's the exact problem I have with that book. It does seem like it would start an unhealthy relationship
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I guess it depends on what you want. I don't try and hide that I'm more concerned about what men can do for me socially and sexually. I'm not interested in having any "real" relationships any male at this time. When I consider a man to be SO material, I use parts of the seduction technique to get and keep him interested. But it's only 100% technique when I want him for something other than mutually beneficial partnership.
 
Miss617 said:
Which seems to be the underlying theme in a majority of these books/programs, at least from what I've seen so far. The emphasis seems to always be on the fantasy more so than the reality. My only concern is that there doesn't seem to be as much emphasis on what the woman wants. I guess it makes sense in the Art of Seduction since it's written by a man. But even in Fascinating Womanhood, one of the main things the author says is to accept a man for who he is, not nag, etc. But what about our fantasies? Am I missing something?
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IMHO, you are missing quite a lot. In order for the man to achieve/recieve his fantasy from the woman he must please her. The point is a woman should be the one picking and choosing. She should be seen as "The One" who can give the man what he wants. If he does not, he loses out on what he wants, which is the fantasy.

The woman must be clear on what she wants. If she does not know what her wants or is unclear she really is the one to blame for not recieving it. Because men are very simple. They will go through hell and high waters in order to please his woman. Because, she fulfills his needs/wants.
 
belleama said:
IMHO, you are missing quite a lot. In order for the man to achieve/recieve his fantasy from the woman he must please her. The point is a woman should be the one picking and choosing. She should be seen as "The One" who can give the man what he wants. If he does not, he loses out on what he wants, which is the fantasy.

The woman must be clear on what she wants. If she does not know what her wants or is unclear she really is the one to blame for not recieving it. Because men are very simple. They will go through hell and high waters in order to please his woman. Because, she fulfills his needs/wants.
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I meant as fas as those types of books, specifically Fascinating Womanhood, but I get what you're saying. From what I've read so far, the focus is on becoming the "ideal" woman to please your man or get what you want. I don't see a lot of balance between the man's wants and needs and the woman's, you know? It's very one-sided. But what you're saying makes sense.
 
Enyo said:
I little cutesy robe, but it just didn't work for me. I just don't like slips for anything other than undergarments. I wear long flowing things around the house most of the time courtesy of Saudi Arabia.
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Gotcha. I have no robes, no slips, no nothing. I need to start investing in some nice house wear, I usually just wear FH's old t-shirts. Can you recommend a site or store?
 
Miss617 said:
Gotcha. I have no robes, no slips, no nothing. I need to start investing in some nice house wear, I usually just wear FH's old t-shirts. Can you recommend a site or store?
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Honestly, Etsy is a great place. The things are so unique and some people will customize it for you. :yep:
 
Miss617 said:
I meant as fas as those types of books, specifically Fascinating Womanhood, but I get what you're saying. From what I've read so far, the focus is on becoming the "ideal" woman to please your man or get what you want. I don't see a lot of balance between the man's wants and needs and the woman's, you know? It's very one-sided. But what you're saying makes sense.
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I see what you're saying. I'm guessing the assumption is that you would let your guy know what you want. Also you wouldn't be spending your time and energy giving a man what he wants when he is not doing the same for you.

That is pretty much why I said you need to know what you want. You also need to walk away when you aren't getting it. Men are quick to tell women that what she won't do another woman will. Sadly, women have forgotten that they are the ones that hold the power. What he is not doing another man will. So save your energies for that guy. IMHO, there don't need to be a ton of books telling men that if he wants to be happy he needs to make her happy. It's common knowledge...
 
belleama said:
I see what you're saying. I'm guessing the assumption is that you would let your guy know what you want. Also you wouldn't be spending your time and energy giving a man what he wants when he is not doing the same for you.

That is pretty much why I said you need to know what you want. You also need to walk away when you aren't getting it. Men are quick to tell women that what she won't do another woman will. Sadly, women have forgotten that they are the ones that hold the power. What he is not doing another man will. So save your energies for that guy. IMHO, there don't need to be a ton of books telling men that if he wants to be happy he needs to make her happy. It's common knowledge...
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True, I completely agree with everything you're saying. You would think that more women would understand that, but some stay with bums because they think they can't do any better. It's sad, because men will move on without a second thought.
 
Now that my boards are over, I am ready to actively participate in this thread and work on myself. I've read most of Fascinating Womanhood. I really liked that book. I don't think it was too heavy at all but mainly because I value traditional gender roles for the most part. I didn't finish it because I got to the point where I had to start doing "work", so I think I want to get BACK to that. I'll re-read the book later.

To the ladies that read Art of Seduction, did you feel that reading 48 laws of power (or whatever it's called) was important to read first? My SO started reading it first so I decided to read it.....but it was boring me lol I think I'll give it one more try but I may just move on to the next book.

ETA: I'm lying lol I'm gonna read some book written by a Surgeon called "Better" that I borrowed 2 years ago so I can return it finally lol
 
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LaFemmeNaturelle said:
Now that my boards are over, I am ready to actively participate in this thread and work on myself. I've read most of Fascinating Womanhood. I really liked that book. I don't think it was too heavy at all but mainly because I value traditional gender roles for the most part. I didn't finish it because I got to the point where I had to start doing "work", so I think I want to get BACK to that. I'll re-read the book later.

To the ladies that read Art of Seduction, did you feel that reading 48 laws of power (or whatever it's called) was important to read first? My SO started reading it first so I decided to read it.....but it was boring me lol I think I'll give it one more try but I may just move on to the next book.

ETA: I'm lying lol I'm gonna read some book written by a Surgeon called "Better" that I borrowed 2 years ago so I can return it finally lol
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I have read both and I don't think you need to. You can always draw from 48 Law but it is not a need to read in order to read AofS.
 
Can someone explain when to be vulnerable versus when to be mysterious?

I try to be mysterious and I am usually successful but recently I had and still having a personal crisis. I was upset I called my exSO. He knew I was upset and kept asking me questions but I would not answer. After the third phone call, I finally broke down and told him. Not everything but enough. I felt so much better for letting it out but I wonder if I said too much. What should I have a done?

Thanks
 
Today DH said he was going shopping and asked if I wanted to come with. I was too busy reading books so I said no. However, I asked him to buy me a necklace and he smiled soooo big and was like "I'd be happy to." Unfortunately, he was unable to go shopping cause of something that came up. But he's supposed to be going tomorrow, so we'll see what he gets me.

If he forgets somehow, I guess I'll just act really sad and disappointed. Maybe pout for a few seconds?

Also, me putting him in charge of the finances is already doing me a world of good. We've got a family reunion coming up at the end of the month and his dad keeps begging him to go. But he keeps sternly telling his dad "ill go if i can afford it, but im not going broke over it." Before he would've either just gone and not worried about it, or followed my lead. He's just starting to make better decisions when it comes to finances, praise the Lord.

Before, i had so much anxiety over the bills that we need to pay that I wasnt able to save or do anything for myself. We've got more than enough to cover the bills, but I just had so much paranoia for some reason. So now, I just ask him whether I can get something and he's finding ways to give me what I want.
 
Gonna grab some books from the library today, I haven't read outside of what I assign my students in a while, and I'm tired of young adult fiction lol.
 
tatiana said:
Can someone explain when to be vulnerable versus when to be mysterious?

I try to be mysterious and I am usually successful but recently I had and still having a personal crisis. I was upset I called my exSO. He knew I was upset and kept asking me questions but I would not answer. After the third phone call, I finally broke down and told him. Not everything but enough. I felt so much better for letting it out but I wonder if I said too much. What should I have a done?

Thanks
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Ha! I am still learning this one.
Lucie maybe you can chime in.
 
tatiana, IMHO I think it is best to be vulnerable when you need/desire the assistance a man can give you. For instance, if he wants to drop off some food for you, let him. Don't tell him you already ate or are trying to lose weight, LOL!

You can be mysterious by not revealing too much about yourself but enough to whet his appetite. I was married pretty young and since my ex-husband was my best friend, he knew EVERYTHING about me. While that is good, a man is a man and some things he does not need to know.

I don't know what your crisis entails (((HUGS))) but I am glad you are feeling better. :)

Put yourself in your exSO's shoes. Pretend he called you upset, you asked him some questions and he evaded a few of them. How would you feel? A bit frustrated? Right? Well, I am pretty sure he felt the same way. In a relationship you have to let your guard down a bit. You don't have to tell him every key point from A-Z but the main areas of focus should be shared/discussed.

I don't know the details of why he is your exSO but also keep in mind some things are better to be discussed with your girlfriends.

Sorry, if I am all over the place but I hope I made sense.
 
Lucie

Thank you. You are correct. I did think about how I evaded his questions after I called him and he came over my house for a face to face and I still evaded his questions.

Trust issues aside, I sometimes feel I have to be "strong" at all times. I can't let people see my weakness. This is why I think I was somewhat conflicted on if I did the right thing or not.
 
tatiana said:
@Lucie

Thank you. You are correct. I did think about how I evaded his questions after I called him and he came over my house for a face to face and I still evaded his questions.

Trust issues aside, I sometimes feel I have to be "strong" at all times. I can't let people see my weakness. This is why I think I was somewhat conflicted on if I did the right thing or not.
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tatiana, showing your weakness is what makes you vulnerable babe. :yep: I understand wanting to be "strong" at all times. However, that is why there are only a handful of people that we can be vulnerable with. People that won't judge us, betray us, et cetera. I wish you all the best lovie and remember that we are all works in progress. It takes time to feel comfortable to let our guard down.
 
tatiana said:
Thank you. You are correct. I did think about how I evaded his questions after I called him and he came over my house for a face to face and I still evaded his questions.

Trust issues aside, I sometimes feel I have to be "strong" at all times. I can't let people see my weakness. This is why I think I was somewhat conflicted on if I did the right thing or not.
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tatiana I rarely show my true vulnerabilities to men, so sometimes I make some up. It sounds crazy, but it works for me. I guess being a natural manipulator has made me paranoid about being manipulated by a man. I don't like to give them ammo against me.

Lucie is right about showing the vulnerabilities when you want something. To that I would add that strength should certainly come in when a man is trying to push whatever boundaries you have set.
 
So I've started the task of cleaning/decluttering/organizing my house. I have to say that the actual work is taking less time than I thought, but I have to get started when I feel motivated or I'll put it off.

Already I feel better in my space. :) I think that once I finish, I'm going to treat myself to a thorough house cleaning courtesy of Merry Maids. Depending on the cost, I may try to have someone come in once a month.
 
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