Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

[Layluh]

belleama I know right? It seems odd to me too but it makes sense. I just want to let him control it so he can see what it's like. He sometimes likes to spend money on ridiculous things but is a much better saver than I am. He just paid off all of his personal debt too.

I also think it will give him motivation to make more $.

Me on the other hand? I'm too anxious about paying bills to even think about saving anything. I don't know how he's able to save so much but I just want to let go and let god.

 

[TracyNicole]

@TracyNicole I noticed on the first page that you said you read fascinating womanhood. I'm reading the book right now and the bit about letting your husband take over the finances struck out at me cause I have a lot of anxiety thinking about finances

Did you follow that part of the book and let him take control of the finances? I'm thinking about doing that with DH cause I think it'd be good for him. Just curious to see if u or anyone else did this.

We took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University course at a local church and stick close to that model for handling finances. One of the things they went over in the class is that couples tend to fight over finances because they don't understand each other. For the average woman, money represents security and anxiety about it destroys a marriage. For men, they measure their self worth in part by their ability to provide for their family and it is closely tied to their self confidence.

I have anxiety about money, especially since I haven't had a job for several years. I believe the husband being the head of household means he is to ultimately decide what is in the best interest of the family but that doesn't mean I don't get to have input. He drafts the budget for the month, we have the budget committee meeting where I suggest changes I think suit us better and then we agree on the budget. He then does all of the administration stuff. This way we both win. I feel calm because my feelings are taken into consideration and I know where the money is going and he gets to feel that he is handling his responsibility for our family. At the same time,we both maintain our independence and autonomy via the "pocket money" line item in our budget. So that's my interpretation of how it is supposed to work. Does this make sense?

ETA: Layluh

 

[belleama]

Your husband sounds like me. I spend a crapton on "foolish" things but I also tend to save quite a bit more than most. That, I can tell you, is pretty much a miracle. I pull that off by using the "set it and forget it" method. My savings is entirely automated. It either comes directly out of my paycheck or it comes out of my checking account on payday so I never really get to see it. I treat that money as if I spent it so I never really think about how much I have in savings.

I don't know why but money seems to burn a hole in my pocket/checking account. If its there I'll spend it. If it's not then I just make due with what I've got. So I try to "spend" it on savings or "prepaying" bills or "paying down" debt before I start looking seriously at "what I'm working with." It works for me.

 

[Layluh]

TracyNicole got it! Thanks! That's another method that fascinating womanhood recommended too.

 

[H0tPinkButtafly]

Just finished reading powerful and feminine. That book is amaaazing! Life changing! So many things to think about.

I want to read this book. It was not at the bookstore near me and whenever I try to order from Amazon, they say it is temporarily out of stock

 

[Layluh]

^^^ i got the kindle version of it on my phone. It was only 8 bucks or so. I thought I saw a free version of it on one of the first few pages.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I wore my green dress combo today. Two women at my doctors said i looked so nice and asked where I got it. And this old man at Starbucks stopped me and started talking. Not the wealthy young man I'm looking for lol but hey. He was on his way to golf and I told him that's the next sport I want to pick up. I gave him my card....maybe I can get some free tee time

 

[Enyo]

I wore my green dress combo today. Two women at my doctors said i looked so nice and asked where I got it. And this old man at Starbucks stopped me and started talking. Not the wealthy young man I'm looking for lol but hey. He was on his way to golf and I told him that's the next sport I want to pick up. I gave him my card....maybe I can get some free tee time

Have you been hanging out in the find a rich man thread??

I did pop in there out of sheer curiosity a few days ago, but it felt kind of weird. I guess spending most of my time in this thread has changed my focus. I really like working on me. Also, and I'm going to be honest, stuff like picking up sports you don't really like or attending events that don't truly interest you for the purposes of finding someone with a lot of money makes me feel uncomfortable (not saying that's what you're doing, but a lot of women mentioned golf). I don't mean to disrespect any sister here that is finding that thread beneficial, but I'm just being open about how I feel.

 

[ladysaraii]

Have you been hanging out in the find a rich man thread??

I did pop in there out of sheer curiosity a few days ago, but it felt kind of weird. I guess spending most of my time in this thread has changed my focus. I really like working on me. Also, and I'm going to be honest, stuff like picking up sports you don't really like or attending events that don't truly interest you for the purposes of finding someone with a lot of money makes me feel uncomfortable (not saying that's what you're doing, but a lot of women mentioned golf). I don't mean to disrespect any sister here that is finding that thread beneficial, but I'm just being open about how I feel.

I completely get you Enyo. i was in there in the beginning, not so much anymore, but I do think that there is good information to be gleaned no matter what your purpose is. I'm just taking away what resonates, but at this point I'm with you. I'm working on me and this is home base.

 

[FoxyMoxie]

This article was posted in another thread years ago. I thought some of her points spoke to this thread.

How To Show Him You’re A Great Catch
By Rori Raye

So you’ve finally met a man you really like and can see yourself having a relationship with him. You should make an effort to show him you’re a real find, right?


Actually, no. The fantastic thing about being a woman is that getting a man to see how wonderful you are doesn’t involve any effort at all. In fact, it’s all about simply being, not doing.


IT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO, IT’S WHAT YOU ARE

When we meet a great guy, we women often try to do, do, do whatever we can to make him see what a great catch we are. We’ll go out of our way to do things for a man, plan outings together, and sometimes even say yes to things he wants that go against what we want.

You can’t convince a man to fall in love. But you can lead him there by connecting to his heart. One of the most powerful ways to do this is to let yourself be guided by your feminine energy rather than your masculine. Feminine energy is about being instead of doing. When you focus on simply being in the moment and enjoying a man’s company and attention, you automatically shift your vibe so that he can step into the masculine, doer role.

To do that, you must first be open to receive.


A GREAT CATCH LETS A MAN GIVE TO HER

Inspiring a man to see you as the one woman he wants to be with forever is all about you being able to receive love.

Men fall in love when they give to you, not because of how much you give them or do for them. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.


When you are open to receiving from a man, you are sending a message that you value yourself – you believe you are worthy of his time, attention, gestures, and ultimately his love. So resist the temptation to prove your worth by giving and instead create the space for him to give to you.


A GREAT CATCH SETS BOUNDARIES HE NEEDS TO RESPECT

Men are competitive creatures who value what they have to work hard to get. If he gets a sense that you’re completely devoted to him with very little investment on his part, he’ll question your value.


This means you do not give away exclusivity to a man until you have the commitment you want from him. Instead, you keep dating and meeting lots of different men so that you give yourself a chance to find out what you really want and need from a relationship. At the same time, you aren’t prematurely cutting yourself off from your Mr. Right in case you haven’t met him yet!


When you keep the focus on yourself and keep yourself open to other men, you send the message loud and clear that you’re a woman who puts herself first and that you are a prize. This elevates your “degree of difficulty” so he has to step up his game to get you all to himself...or risk another guy beating him to it.


A GREAT CATCH PUTS HERSELF FIRST

The most important thing to remember when you are dating a man and want him to realize how wonderful you are is to put your happiness first.

If you love taking a dance class every Thursday night, don’t give it up just because he’s in the picture and you don’t want him to think you’re not interested. Letting him know you have a life before him actually makes him more attracted to you – not just because you’re not about to drop everything for him, but because people who are passionate about their interests are interesting people!


So, tell him, “It would feel so great to see Thursday, but I have my dance class that night, and I love it. I’m free Tuesday or Friday.” Then ask him what he thinks. It might feel a little scary to do this with a guy you really like, but the right guy will gladly re-arrange his plans to see you. Why? Because you’ve just proven you’re a great catch he has to woo and win.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

Have you been hanging out in the find a rich man thread??

I did pop in there out of sheer curiosity a few days ago, but it felt kind of weird. I guess spending most of my time in this thread has changed my focus. I really like working on me. Also, and I'm going to be honest, stuff like picking up sports you don't really like or attending events that don't truly interest you for the purposes of finding someone with a lot of money makes me feel uncomfortable (not saying that's what you're doing, but a lot of women mentioned golf). I don't mean to disrespect any sister here that is finding that thread beneficial, but I'm just being open about how I feel.

Lol yes I'm in both threads. That's how I found this thread

I've only gone to hit golf balls once so I can't say it's a sport I like or don't like.

 

[Enyo]

Lol yes I'm in both threads. That's how I found this thread

I've only gone to hit golf balls once so I can't say it's a sport I like or don't like.

Golf is so boring and white to me. We had to learn it in P.E. class and I sucked mainly because it seemed so tedious that I gave up. I lived across the street from a course, and all I could think was how much I wanted to drive the cart, but that was it.

 

[nlamr2013]

Golf is so boring and white to me. We had to learn it in P.E. class and I sucked mainly because it seemed so tedious that I gave up. I lived across the street from a course, and all I could think was how much I wanted to drive the cart, but that was it.

Hmm I wasnt getting that people were saying do things you dont like just to catch a rich man, but figure out what 'rich man' activities interest you.

 

[Enyo]

Hmm I wasnt getting that people were saying do things you dont like just to catch a rich man, but figure out what 'rich man' activities interest you.

Ha, that's a good way of thinking about things. Positive! You can tell I'm a cynic.

 

[Layluh]

Ok so far I've read:

Simply irresistible
Mama genas womanly arts
Fascinating womanhood
Powerful and feminine

Fascinating womanhood is my fav so far. I decided to call DH and told him what I wanted:

I want to be a stay at home mom mostly and work part time
I want him to take over the finances

I told him a bunch of other things as well but I'm on my phone so I won't go into too much detail. In a nut shell he was fine with it. At the end he was like is that all you want? So yeah. I'm getting good results so far.

 

[belleama]

Congrats Layluh!!!

 

[belleama]

Well I just tried to order the kindle version of Facinating Womanhood and it appears that a new version is being published/issued as of July 10. So the older version for kindle is not available. I decided to preorder that and order an old/used paperback copy for $4, including free shipping, in the meantime.

Sidenote: I need to find the book list ASAP and order all of those at once then stop ordering. This is getting crazy addictive. LOL!

 

[Layluh]

belleama there's a free copy of fascinating womanhood on the first page.

 

[prettybyrd]

I've been lurking this thread for a while, and posted once or twice. I have to tell you ladies how much I love this thread and appreciate all of you for being so candid. I wish that I had been privy to information like this when I was younger. Gosh, the time I've wasted doing all the wrong things in relationships...not doing enough for myself.

I think it was this thread where someone mentioned doing something for herself every week, well, I've adopted that. I'm doing my nails more, taking my time in the morning to get ready for work, and taking better care of my skin and overall health. I'm giving myself the attention I want/need and it feels good. I've also been practicing my walk. I've gotten to the point where I can walk with my hips without feeling like I'm balancing watermelons on my thighs. I'm gliding.

I even found myself straying from the "weight loss journey" that I was on because I no longer consider weight loss a struggle. I've committed to exercising and eating better because I love myself too much to not. Just changing my thinking about that one thing has empowered me.

Just before my birthday last year I started to feel like something was changing, I was changing. I was very afraid of it, and I became depressed. It's funny to think about that now because this year has been full of pleasant surprises - one of which was reading this thread.

 

[Rocky91]

Lol I got 2 foot massages this week that I didn't ask for from guys I'm seeing. Red toenail polish for the win. I love my feet-they are adorably dainty.

This one guy gave me some insight about my femininity. He said I have an innocence that's very alluring. At the time, I was smiling at him doe-eyed over sushi with my happy food face lol-that was some goooood sushi.
Oh and with benefit's mascara, I have been fluttering these suckers all week. Lol.

 

[Enyo]

I'm back in the gym 5 days a week now. I really need to slim down a size and get toned. I'm thinking about getting on OK Cupid to meet some new guys in Honolulu. I just realized that my dating pool is going to go from mainly black men to white guys and maybe a few Hawaiians, so that should be a hoot.

In terms of getting my "me" on, my custom hat is on the way and I'm praying it fits. I was searching for some fashionable but functional parasols and came across a skin related blog that encourages women use parasols in the summer in order to protect our skin. The blogger said she has a few for each color palette in her wardrobe. I thought that was a great idea, so I purchased a black one today. I want to pick up a dark purple and medium/dark blue one too - maybe creme.

 

[Enyo]

Oh and with benefit's mascara, I have been fluttering these suckers all week. Lol.

That stuff is the truth. It's the only mascara I will wear!!

 

[belleama]

@belleama there's a free copy of fascinating womanhood on the first page.

Layluh, you know I knew that. I really did but ofcourse I forgot the moment I decided I needed to add it to my booklist.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I'm back in the gym 5 days a week now. I really need to slim down a size and get toned. I'm thinking about getting on OK Cupid to meet some new guys in Honolulu. I just realized that my dating pool is going to go from mainly black men to white guys and maybe a few Hawaiians, so that should be a hoot.

In terms of getting my "me" on, my custom hat is on the way and I'm praying it fits. I was searching for some fashionable but functional parasols and came across a skin related blog that encourages women use parasols in the summer in order to protect our skin. The blogger said she has a few for each color palette in her wardrobe. I thought that was a great idea, so I purchased a black one today. I want to pick up a dark purple and medium/dark blue one too - maybe creme.

Polynesians are hot!

 

[Enyo]

Polynesians are hot!

Yes, they are. But they also tend to stick to their own more. All the men who hit on me in Hawaii were white.

 

[Layluh]

This thread has me thinking about masculine and feminine aspects of the universe.

I think masculinity is easier to describe cause you can see it. It's active, physical, inventive, sometimes violent.

What does this have to do with the universe? When I studied the universe I found out that we all come from a star that died a long time ago. That star literally gave its life so that we could be born. To me the creation of that star was very masculine and here's why:

When stars are formed there's a ton of action that goes on. Hydrogen atoms interact with each other, to become a dense, extremely hot gas cloud. Then nuclear fusion occurs and hydrogen turns into helium and blahbity blah blah blah. If u want to know more about stars you can visit khan academy but they're pretty awesome.

How does femininity fit into all of this? Gravity is the force that holds everything together and keeps that star from exploding. It literally grounds us. You can't see or feel it and as far as I know, we don't even know what it's made of. We also know it can't be duplicated.

To me femininity and its importance is really hard to explain, especially to men. Just like gravity, consciousness, feelings and intuition.

I'm on my phone right now and have a headache from typing. Does anyone else care to chime in (Enyo)? Are there any books about this already?

Also, does anyone have any books on how to have more presence of mind and be in the moment?

Eta: also if anything I've said sounds like a load of bull, let me know cause I'm not even a scientist lol.

 

[RegaLady]

This thread has me thinking about masculine and feminine aspects of the universe.

I think masculinity is easier to describe cause you can see it. It's active, physical, inventive, sometimes violent.

What does this have to do with the universe? When I studied the universe I found out that we all come from a star that died a long time ago. That star literally gave its life so that we could be born. To me the creation of that star was very masculine and here's why:

When stars are formed there's a ton of action that goes on. Hydrogen atoms interact with each other, to become a dense, extremely hot gas cloud. Then nuclear fusion occurs and hydrogen turns into helium and blahbity blah blah blah. If u want to know more about stars you can visit khan academy but they're pretty awesome.

How does femininity fit into all of this? Gravity is the force that holds everything together and keeps that star from exploding. It literally grounds us. You can't see or feel it and as far as I know, we don't even know what it's made of. We also know it can't be duplicated.

To me femininity and its importance is really hard to explain, especially to men. Just like gravity, consciousness, feelings and intuition.

I'm on my phone right now and have a headache from typing. Does anyone else care to chime in (@Enyo)? Are there any books about this already?

Also, does anyone have any books on how to have more presence of mind and be in the moment?

Eta: also if anything I've said sounds like a load of bull, let me know cause I'm not even a scientist lol.

I get you 100%!!!

There are many books that touch on this. Denise Linn Secrets and Mysteries: The Glory and Pleasure of Being a Woman, touches alot on this. Excellent, excellent book!!!'

It reminds me of when I would tell Dh about something and he wants proof, evidence, and I am like "I can't, I just know. I have a hunch" When you tap into that energy it is powerful. It can't be explained. Now, I am still working on it but I have realized feminine energy is not anything that can be seen or it isn't concrete. Its energy. I am humble to say, I don't know alot about it, I am still learning. But from what I am reading and experiencing, you are right on track

As far as being present in the moment, I love the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Wonderful book! It was recommended by a member here. I need to go back and reread it.

 

[Layluh]

RegaLady girl yeeees! I called dh yesterday and asked him if he thought there was a masculine and fem side to the universe. You know what this negro told me? He said its like asking "how much does cold yellow weigh?" And told me my question didnt make sense. Then I explained a bit more and he asked "well what are the facts?"

I almost screamed because he didnt get it. Dh is only into things that are quantifiable and measurable.

One thing he always asks is where does consciousness come from. I'm starting to think consciousness is feminine too. It clearly begins in the womb cause one day your baby is still, the next it's kicking the hell out of you lol.

 

[RegaLady]

@RegaLady girl yeeees! I called dh yesterday and asked him if he thought there was a masculine and fem side to the universe. You know what this negro told me? He said its like asking "how much does cold yellow weigh?" And told me my question didnt make sense. Then I explained a bit more and he asked "well what are the facts?"

I almost screamed because he didnt get it. Dh is only into things that are quantifiable and measurable.

One thing he always asks is where does consciousness come from. I'm starting to think consciousness is feminine too. It clearly begins in the womb cause one day your baby is still, the next it's kicking the hell out of you lol.

I wish I can remember a book I read that touched on this too. I wanna say The God Academy. Anyway many consious books talk about how important the feminine energy was. The Goddess was a creator(giving birth, creating life, ect). This is why I read women have powers when it comes to manifesting and bringing what they want into fruition. We have energy unlike any other. Many ages ago, they worshiped the woman and all of this has changed over time because of jealous men who wanted power, order, control, and their God reflected this.

Women create with love, acceptance, peace, unity, etc. And I read we are so removed from that today and it is looked at as weak. Wars never benefit from universal love. Money is never made out of unity and acceptance. Land isn't taken and abused when you are respectful of life(a feminine energy) There is no real benefit of feminine energy when the world wants to be at a negative place so feminine energy is supressed. I thought it was just something that women said to make themselves feel better until I heard a man who is very deep in cosmogony say that we are in the mess we are in because we don't acknowledge how great feminine energy is in the universe is.

 

[Layluh]

Well one positive aspect of masculine energy is stuff gets done! Civilizations have made great strides in the past few thousand years. But it's only going to get worse because there won't be much femininity to balance it out.

Lol kind of like stars, We're just going to implode one day because there will be too much masculine energy. Everything that happens in the universe happens on earth in some way, shape or form.